#firstroast

[nomjizzcakes]

When you're waiting for @ppaul95 to come back to show how to cook the beast #firstroast #porkshoulder #thecrackling #bored https://www.instagram.com/p/BoWPXqLHwxx/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=15ua5dh32szav

[calebtjones-blog]

Right after roasting the seasoned comedian and painter @adampalmeter Sad to see you leave bro, best of luck on your tour to Europe. #goodsport #comedysaigon #firstroast (at Heart of Darkness Craft Brewery)

[roastunfiltered-blog]

This first roast is dedicated to "Jasmin Alexis Gregory" of Facebook a.k.a. Orlanda Jones. He/She is the gonzo faced bitch in my cover photo.  If you want the backstory behind why this hoe ass bitch is getting roasted then you can read it below the roast portion. However enjoy the roast The Roast:       You ugly ass bitch! You look like a god damn fucking tranny. I'm surprised you even have fucking kids. Looking like a female Orlando Jones from Drum Line. Dr. Lee head ass! You Big nose bitch! You up on Facebook talking about you single and looking for dick while pregnant. Bitch you need to worry about your fucking chirren (not children but chirren) instead of how you gonna get your next STI. Go chase your baby father back instead of some random dick hoe. Like what kind of woman does that while pregnant? In fact I don't even think you are a woman. Like I said you look like a fucking tranny. You must've took some hard fucking drugs in your lifetime you have such fucked up androgynous looking face. Body builder face having ass. I hope you get the chance to read this shit and get even madder at the fact you can't delete it you fuck face bitch! Instead of stalking people pages and reporting them on Facebook you need to report them taxes and worry about how you gonna take care of your bastard child on the way. It's bad enough they gotta grow up without father but you up on Facebook being a whole whore! Then you got the audacity to get mad at me. Why you mad at me for? Because I told your ugly ass the truth? Bitch what fantasy world do you live in where your bubble was bursted? You gotta be from Sesame street. You do like Gonzo in the face. You so ugly that I might extend this post or even create second one just to elaborate on it. Tranny face bitch. You on Facebook being a whore for likes. Posing like a damn thot and shit. Like bitch... I know yo skank ass don't think you sexy. Don't let them simps on Facebook gas your head up any further. It's like your nose was gassed up. Giraffe neck ass. Who the fuck respects a snitch? You fucking rat! I hope your big ass nose gets caught in an elevator you stupid bitch. Dumb bitch. 2+2 not knowing what the fuck is bitch. Long nose no titty having ass bitch! Everybody ain't nobody bitch. Be respectful the next you decide you gonna try to harass someone for having an opinion and stay the FUCK off my page! You whore! I'll say whatever the fuck I want about you and do whatever the fuck I please. You ain't on my friends list and yo' ass is blocked bitch! So stay the fuck off my page you god damn fucking peasant. Just because you lost an argument and happen to be a loser in real life don't mean to come fuck with me. Keep your miserable ass feelings to yo' damn self bitch. In fact.... Fuck yo feelings lol. Say whatever the fuck I want on here. Fuck yo' kids, fuck yo big ass nose, fuck your followers, fuck your friends, fuck yo life, and go fuck yourself for being a rat! You were born a rat. You father is master splinter. Go back in the sewers where you came from and leave me the fuck alone! Hop off my dick! You ugly ass Bitch, Bitch, BITCH!!!... You ugly! You yo' daddy son! Now go suck some dick and die. The backstory of this roast:      So I own a modeling Facebook page, and mainly what I planned on using for is to post updates from my other blog and also network with people. From time to time I'll add people to my friends list randomly because they pop up when I add someone else. So I guess somehow this bitch ended up on my friends list by accident. Now I don't have that many friends on my Facebook page and I barely get the opportunity to take full advantage of using it. However I decided for the New Year that I would use it more often. So mind you that I didn't even know this person was even on my friends list until they appeared on my timeline. In fact we never had any previous interaction before the confrontation began. So with that being said I just so happen to be at the front page of Facebook and I see a post by this person saying something along the lines of "Being pregnant, single, and looking for dick" or some ratchet shit like that. Now after clicking on this bitches profile picture to see "who" would make such a ratchet ass status I quickly clicked out. I couldn't believe someone so ugly got knocked up let alone was on my friends list. In fact I thought this person was a tranny or some shit. Now I know what you're thinking: "Why the fuck would you add a damn tranny to your friends list if you didn't want them on there?". Well accidents happen but if I to say I think it's because I went on a following spree one day and added a bunch of random people to network with. I try to do business with everyone so I don't discriminate unless I have a real reason to (you know like the person is racist or presents themselves as a danger to society). Even though this person was hideous as a best business practice I don't just UN-add people on the basis of how they look. This is ironic right? Being as though I'm into the modeling industry and I should be judging people based on how they look, but I try to still be fair. After all I am a business person. So anyways I leave a comment on his/her post joking around saying something along the lines of "you're not single until you send nudes squirting titty milk into someone's inbox". Apparently this wasn't even the comment that ticked them off because they liked it and laughed at. I mean after all it wasn't said in malice. It was playing on their ratchet ass pregnancy post about wanting dick or some shit. So I digress. She eventually responds with a "lmfao" with the extra o's included. Then some simp on their post tried to co-sign and hook up with them (I guess) and she posted some sort of meme or disapproval. Brief intermission: Yes this is a long ass post and story but I'm just gonna y'all asses all the details and something to read before you judge and wonder why I am going in on them so hard.      So as I was saying she replied to this simp and then he made another status and I kept getting a ding from this annoying ass thread. Long story short I leave another comment. Nothing as near as provocative as the first one and they the “he/she” insults me. Now I don't know what they thought but they had me fucked up. So I responded back and that's when the "argument started". I began to roast their ass for being disrespectful towards me. Long story short, they ended up unfriending me and deleting their post before I could send my last joke about them leaving them in a coffin. So one would think this would be the end right? Welp, apparently not! Keep in mind this was my second argument of that day. I actually got into another argument and that person made a video about me. (Yeah... an entire fucking video from 1 comment) My words must have so much power but I digress. So what do I do? I make 1 post saying "wow, this is my second argument of the day" and in that post I included the screenshots from the argument before I was unfriended. So after that a few of my Facebook friends liked the post or whatever. From there I made about several post that had nothing to do with that situation. I was already moved on and back to handling business. Then low and behold the pregnant he/she comes to my page and leaves a comment on my post. Long story short they go into a rant about getting my page removed and that if I get anything reported that it was from them. I respond with a "whatever" and block them. I and one of my Facebook friends had a good laugh about it. In fact they were the ones who recommended that I block them. Which looking back was a great idea because it turns out they're a snitch. I don't want any snitches as friends on my Facebook or anywhere for that matter. I digress though.      Keep in mind that I barely have been using Facebook as much as I would like. Maybe Facebook wasn't used to someone being so real on their site. However after using Facebook I head off to sleep. When I wake up from my sleep and go to check on Facebook the first thing I see is some bullshit ass security check. I passed it of course but apparently Orlanda Jones the rat had reported my page before I blocked her. So they were dead ass serious about reporting me. It didn't work but it was still annoying that Facebook took them serious enough to make me go through that process. So I didn't care too much and ended up making a post joking about it. Then the next day I get the same thing except this time for a post. It was the post about the argument I got into. At this point I said enough is enough and thus Roasting Unfiltered was born. I knew I didn't need to keep reported to create something where Facebook wouldn't censor me. Did I violate any terms or anything? Of course not, but the fact Facebook did what they did lets me know that they don't care about that. So with that being said if you read all the way up until this point then now you should know why this bitch is receiving this first roast. It's because they decided to report shit on my page and try to get me removed instead of worry about their own life. It's because they were so butt hurt after an argument that they couldn't accept the fact they were wrong, and instead tried to stop what I have going on. So for that reason, I am returning the favor of them harassing me and roasting the shit out of them.

[downboundandeast]

First roast, first crack. #coffeeroasting #coffee #vscocam #firstroast #firstcrack

[heyitsmeannie]

Sunday night's roast, best food in a long time :) #firstroast #foodporn #delish #soznotsoz

[joelmacdonald]

Roasted. #vscocam #scotchbeef #firstroast

[voiceretold]

Here goes nothing. #firstroast

[joelmacdonald]

Pre-roast. #firstroast #allthetrimmings #vscocam #scotchbeef