#first of all im so frustrated because ITS SO FREAKING OBVIOUS

[ughgoaway]

i feel like they would say i love you to each other quite fast after getting together in a cute casual domestic setting <3 <3 <3 like the one you described🥰

oooh interesting, see i couldn't decide whether it would be reasonably quick after they got together or a weirdly long time???

obviously, they're in love, but I'm not sure whether that means it's so important they need to say it NOW or whether it's just so obvious it remains unsaid. I am gonna discuss both scenarios so prepare for a ramble lol

okay lets say they say it fast; another cute domestic setting would be saying it after you look after Annie for the night. maybe he comes out to see his girls crashed on the sofa, one of those animated Barbie movies playing on the screen.

you wake up to matty stroking your head softly and just give him a sleepy grin. you strategically untangle from Annie and stand up to give him a hug.

"Hi baby," you mumble into his shoulder

"Hi sweetheart, how are my girls, hmm?" he says softly, hugging you and rubbing your back.

"Good. sleepy, obviously, but we enjoyed our little girl's night." You say, pulling back and wrapping your arms around mattys neck as his make their way to sit on your waist.

"Ah, did Annie do your nails like she wanted to?" matty asks, now fiddling with the hem of your shirt absentmindedly.

you bring one of your hands out from behind his head and flash your nails, "oh yes and I love them, very glittery" your hand goes back behind his neck but now sits at the base of his curls, gently scratching them in the way you know he loves.

matty throws his head back with a groan and shuts his eyes, "hmm well I love them. love you too." matty says, completely distracted by your warm hands massaging his scalp. you freeze briefly, but matty doesn't seem to notice what he's said, so you play along with a big grin in your face

"That's nice to hear baby. I love you too," you say confidently. You thought hearing it out loud would freak you out. especially considering you've only been together a few weeks, but this all felt so natural. and hearing matty say that just felt right.

he gets a dopey smile on his face, clearly not quite back in the world yet, and pulls you in for another hug. this time squeezing you and holding you especially close.

3 seconds into the hug, you feel him jolt, pull back and look at you with wide eyes.

"WAIT WHAT"

now, if it was a weirdly long time, I could see it happening at the studio.

its pretty fucking late and you've been there for a few hours hanging out with the boys but you can see matty and George getting frustrated by this song so you decide to give them some space.

you walk over and drop a kiss into mattys curls, and you feel his hand slip from his arm rest to your thigh, but his eyes stay laser focused on the computer screen.

"You going somewhere, baby?" he asks, still completely lost in the world of producing.

"Yeah, I'm going to leave you boys to it and go get some rest," you say, fiddling with some of Matty's curls, twiddling them around your finger.

"Okay, see you at home sweetheart," matty says, giving your thigh a squeeze before removing his hand and pressing seemingly random buttons on the keyboard.

"Bye, I love you," you say with a yawn, already walking away.

"Love you too!" matty shouts after you slightly turning his head, but his eyes stay fixed on his screen.

as the door clicks, matty nonchalantly goes back to working but sees George freeze out of the corner of his eye.

"Dude, just because y/n got to leave doesn't mean you do, get back to it," matty says, sighing and rubbing his eyes with his closed fists.

"When did that develop then, huh?" George asks, smirking and leaning back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.

matty paused and span to look at George with a confused face, "do you mean y/n? because if you do, im very confused about why you think she's been hanging around us for so long." he jokes.

"No, no. not y/n. the whole 'I love you' thing. First time I've heard you guys say it." George says, shrugging his shoulders and spinning back to the computer.

"Huh? we haven't said that yet. What do you mean?" matty says, yawning and stretching as best he can in his cramped chair.

george stops and turns to matty with a confused look on his face. "matty. she literally just left and said, 'i love you', and you said 'love you too'... don't tell me that was the first time you said it??" George is laughing at the absurdity of that idea, expecting matty to join in. but still, after a few seconds, matty stays silent.

george opens his eyes and sees matty blinking rapidly with his mouth open, "oh fuck." he says.

another beat passes before both men burst out laughing. A combination of the absurd situation, how long they've been awake, and the zoot they smoked earlier.

later matty comes home and immediately crawls into bed with you, you wake up and flip over cuddling into his chest and humming happily.

"hey babe, are you awake?" matty whispers, the slight anxiety in his voice woke you right up.

"yeah, is everything okay?" you say your voice heavy with sleep, you rest your chin on mattys chest and look up at him.

"You know earlier when you left?" matty pauses until you nod, indicating for him to continue, "well turns out we both said,'I love you' for the first time... and didn't notice. George pointed it out, " he said sheepishly, he raises his arm and placed his hand under his head whilst his other hand traced your bicep.

you blink hard a few times before simply going, "Oh," both you and matty look at each other before gently smiling.

you turn your head and settle back into his chest, "Well, I do love you, so that's good." You say stifling a yawn. matty feels you drifting off, your breathing evening out, and your eyelids fluttering.

"I love you too, now go to sleep darling," he says softly, feeling himself drift off as well. you nod as best you can into his chest before both of you fall asleep, a tangled mess of limbs under the duvet.

blurb masterlist for this au here :)

[weebsinstash]

On my platonic yandere Batfam bullshit again thinking about, like, deliberately dramatic scenarios because I crave emotional tension

-imagine if Bruce gets called in to regressed!Reader's school because you got in a fist fight with another kid, and this kid is the son of one of his prominent business partners and Bruce, uh, doesn't immediately believe you when you state for him and the principal why you got into a fight because, hey he knows that boy, he isn't THAT bad! And Bruce scolds you and makes you apologize and even grounds you once you two are in the car alone and you're just noticeably extremely angry and quiet to the point you won't even come out of your room for dinner. And after some time has passed, days even, a couple members of the fam are in a room together with you and someone cracks a joke about you losing your temper over a misunderstanding and you just, stare directly at them as you pull out your phone, press play on a video, and walk away as they watch where you had been trying to take a photo of something like idk a flower or the weather and began accidentally filming after Selina helped dropped you off at school and the footage caught the boy outright calling her a slut for what she was wearing

And of course Bruce is upset because that kid insulted Catwoman and also got some swings back at you (he's probably proud to a certain degree that you defended Selina and shes absolutely delighted when she hears about it) but he asks "well why didn't you tell me you had proof im the first place" and you just spit at him "oh so I need PROOF for you to BELIEVE ME?" And extra bonus points if Reader has their old memories back and hits him with "after everything you've done to me, I finally ask for your help and ACTUALLY needed you this ONE TIME and you couldn't even believe me? Wow, my hero 🙄" so now he knows he's broken your heart AND you're back to the "old you" that he wants to, father all the depression and trauma out of

-since Dick, Barbara, and Reader would all be going to a prestigious school I think of like, what if your class got kidnapped for ransom while on a field trip. And Robin and Batgirl look over to you thinking you're going to panic and freak out but you're suspiciously calm, or, calmer than the anxiety stricken adopted 'sibling' they've had this whole time, and maybe despite being kidnapped by like, idk, Babyface or Black Mask or Two Face, and maybe you even just outright insult them and it becomes horribly obvious to them "oh not only do you have your memories back, they've unintentionally turned you into an explosive powder keg of repressed anger and frustration because they betrayed what little trust you had left"

You just look at Two Face and start fucking with him, this criminal looking down as a teenager starts roasting him way too casually and maybe with facts you shouldn't even know, things you remember from your time as a hero before. "Hey Harvey, what's hanging, it's been a while. Hey can I ask a question? You ever think about just outright asking someone like I dunno Bruce Wayne to fix that fucked up meat gristle face of yours? Like, I'm sure having half your body resemble the same consistency of a breakfast sausage has its uses in intimidation, but, like, I'm sure if you just walked up to Batman and said 'hey if you make me look less like a rotisserie chicken I'll quit crime' and he would probably just like, HAND the money for the sugery to you, like, do you think Batmobile money falls out of the sky, he's clearly fucking loaded"

And of course the follow up/alternative of "the stress triggers Reader's metagene or old memories or both and you just start whooping ass unapologetically and Barb and Dick are sweating because they're trying not to break incognito but like you're significantly hurting these dudes, you're clearly really angry and upset and taking it out on them" and tbh I imagine Batman already has contingencies for this possibility. He shows up in costume and Two Face has already fled but you're standing there in your preppy school uniform now dirty and torn, blood on your knuckles, about to beat a man unconscious while your classmates either cower or cheer or fear you. If Reader has some sort of magic, then he just has to get Nth metal from Hawkgirl or Hawkman, maybe he'll make it a cute bracelet, just a nice gift from Dad. Bodily autonomy to use your own powers and be an adult again, what's that? He's disappointed in you for caving into the darkness and also? you're grounded >:(

-Reader becoming a mugging/gun violence victim and now you're never allowed to leave the manor, period. I can only imagine like the projection of trauma from Bruce if, after losing his parents, he has to watch you weak and recovering from a gunshot, wheezing in bed struggling to breathe properly because a bullet went through one of your lungs. You're put in a total bubble to recover in absolute peace and sterility, but, even far after you've recovered, your "guardian" is still convinced someone will leap out of the bushes to hurt you, so, no leaving the manor unless he's with you. Like. Imagine him being so scared he doesn't even want to trust your safety with the other Batfamily members, and maybe he even cracks down on several of the other younger members because he doesn't want them to get shot too (also like, resulting trauma and overprotectiveness if one or multiple of them saw you get shot and are like, still fucked up over having to apply pressure to your bullet wound as your warm blood leaks all over their fingers and they can't do anything to stop you and-- like do you see how that would send some of them into borderline psychosis when theyve already got So Many Many Issues)

-all of them try to exert control over what you're exposed to and consume in terms of entertainment. You have spyware on your phone and any member of the Batfam who can use the Batcomputer can see your past and current browsing history and I will die on this hill. Bruce and Alfred are rigorous in making sure you don't ruin your mental health. Like you know how I talked about "what if you had a yandere that was in tech and he gave you a phone that he occasionally spies on and remotely disables if he thinks you're spending too much time on it/seeing something you shouldnt"? Bruh that's like half of the Manor, Bruce especially. He has to "make sure nothing bad happens to you". All it can take is 'one bad day', after all...

-obsessed with the idea of them getting jealous of you spending time with other alternate universe versions of themselves, in concepts where Reader is a JL member/vigilante and has the power/tech to multiverse travel anyways. Batman hasn't seen you in a couple weeks and, actually maybe he's a little concerned about you, you've kind of just vanished off the face of the earth, and he bumps into you on a Gotham rooftop with. Another Batman, and getting along much better and being more casual and friendly with the stranger than with him. Broody fucking "I am darkness, I am the night, I am vengeance" Bruce catching you like. smoking weed on his couch with the hilariously weird version of him from the Harley Quinn cartoon universe and God forbid if anyone shows signs of having feelings for you

(also could you imagine how ballistic he and or Jason would go if they caught you hanging out with, you know, one of the super violent "murder is ok" Jasons/Batmans and you tell them straight up "actually I agree with what he's doing, I want to help him, in fact maybe I'll work with HIM now instead of you" like, y'all, I think Batman would permanently never let you work as a hero or sidekick ever again because he's genuinely worried you'll fall down the slippery slope and make a mistake that ruins your life. Like depending on the depiction of Batman you're looking at, some of them admit straight up that they don't kill Joker because they know they're legitimately filled with so much anger and hatred that if they kill even one person, that'll break the barrier to killing tons of criminals outright and they won't be able to stop)

-all I'm saying is that if they ever caught you like being cordial or mildly friendly with an alternate universe version of a villain, no matter how good they are, they shut that shit down immediately. "Y/N who is that" "oh this is my bud The Jester from the universe where the Joker is actually really good and a superhero and--" *jester proceeds to be grappled back through a multiverse portal* "wait no don't freak out this poison ivy is actually really chill and she's married to Harley and she sells me really good weed and she only does a liiiiiitle bit of ecoterrorism and--" immediately thrown in Arkham

-I just genuinely think it's funny that they're probably either smoking weed with you bc trauma and stress or are vehemently anti drug. Can you imagine just in general like, regressed reader, batfam member, either way, just being an actual adult just minding your business and smoking weed and Bruce reacting like he just caught you with a loaded gun in your pocket "y/n is that a weed" "yeah its for my chronic pain--" "I'm calling commissioner gordon" like, Bruce practically acting like you need to go to rehab

-I kinda love the drama of Bruce or Dick or Barbara or just any of the Batfam members accidentally basically ruining your social life and social reputation. You were at a house party one night and eventually pics start getting texted around of Nightwing confronting you in the yard and pulling you away and now there are rumors you're a criminal on parole. You get invited to smoke weed at a friend's and suddenly Batman is in the house and suddenly everyone's parents are there to pick up their kids as he lectures about the dangers of drugs and now absolutely NO ONE from school wants anything to do with you "because what if Batman shows up and gets us in trouble"

-I feel like, as one of those vaguely morally gray areas, that Bruce would make you take medication and get treatment for, like, really anything that needs it, but more specifically anxiety and depression and just overall psychological issues. And as a dark twist what if you aren't really naturally anxious and don't even have an anxiety disorder or anything but he puts you on pills to mellow you out because you're freaking out at him for completely valid and understandable reasons like, you know, being confined in his home against your will. "What, you aren't mad about being kidnapped and controlled and lied to, you clearly just have pre existing emotional issues that keep you from reacting properly, but don't worry I'm here to help" 🙄🙄🙄

[blorbou]

oooo what are your thoughts on lgy

LITERALLY JUST A LITTLE GUY! LITTLE BUG FREAK. BUG EYED FREAKAZOID.So lovable. and sad little creachure. he is very important to me because not only is he cute but i just really love these self sacrificing characters who deny their vulnerability. and how it is their downfall in a way. i cant cite anything rn but at least through subtext and even some lines its obvious how much he Loves, how much he cares and how he also wants simple happiness in this ruined world (makes me sick) (get me oute)

and this isnt gonna be phrased well cos im nervous as fark.But honestly im jusr Generally frustrated at how lgy is very important to ORV and especially KDJs character, he is like a mirror or a foil to him similar to knw (for example his "lack of empathy" and how he thinks of it all as just a game, also showing a desperate attachment to an Idealized Guy in an unhealthy way, but this gets handled well in. like A way with the whole OG kimcom first 100 chapters arcs ETC ETC) and without even truly having his character bloom,,,He judt gets..Sidelined??? like i dont really wanna attack SYS' characters cos i think it was all amazing i cant complain. but like he literally gets so little personal screen time. while Sure, orv is very purposeful with its pacing and structure in general. his relationship with everyone else and even KDJ after sys is just so underdeveloped and UNDERUTILIZED. and There is something soooo important and its his sponsor and WHY he chose him in the first place??? its just dealt and done with so suddenly we just never even get to Feel anything for it.HELL!!!! SOME PPL DONT EVEN KNOW AB IT EVEN THO THEYVE REREAD IT! and its genuinely something reslly really sad to me because that part of the plot was literally. Heart wrenching to me. significant. This child desperate to save everyone he loved was willing to go with the oldest evil.But yeah whatever nobody gaf Pass tge joongdok yaoi

[istadris]

Hey, i hope this isn't a bother, but i really like that short fic you wrote where mario and luigi are sleeping next to a campfire while mario thinks to himself, imo you nail their characters so well and the premise itself is so sweet :')! I reread it every so often when i need a pick-me-up sjkshd,,

But there's a part in it thats a little hard for me to understand and i really want to, its this paragraph:

"And it hurt Mario every time. He knew he didn't understand, couldn't understand how it felt to always be scared. It even frustrated him at times, but he knew it was not something he could change and he had learned to live with it. It didn't mean he should put Luigi through it."

Who is frustrated at what? What did he know he couldn't change and learnt to live with? What shouldn't mario put luigi through?

Again i apologize if its obvious, im not a native English speaker but i really really love this fic and i can tell this paragraph is a heart wrencher and i wanna fully understand it hskdhdk,,,

I hope youre doing well! Thank you for writing such a heartwarming short story :')

First of all, thank you so much for this sweet ask, Anon! I'm very happy this fic comforts you, I have a special fondness for it since it was my first try at writing in this fandom !

Don't worry about asking ! English isn't my native language either, or maybe I could have worded that part better.

To answer your questions : Mario gets frustrated at times by Luigi's anxiety and cowardice. Usually they both manage around it, but sometimes it acts up at the worst times, and as patient as Mario is with Luigi, he's still only human, and as much as they understand each other, they're still two different people and have both parts of themselves the other can't fully understand. In Mario's case, he can't completely put himself in Luigi's shoes when it comes to his fears, and he can't completely understand what it's like to always be scared.

But, and I insist on that, Mario doesn't hold it against Luigi, ever. His frustration comes from the danger Luigi's cowardice can draw (freezing in the middle of a fight, running away from something ready to chase you, freaking out and getting hurt, distracting Mario at a crucial time...).

He knows Luigi's nature can't be changed easily and it will do nothing good to force him. Instead, he does his best to keep Luigi out of stressful situations, and provides an anchor for Luigi to get through the difficult times when they can't avoid them.

The thing is, most stressful things in their lives come from their adventures, and Mario feels guilty that by taking his brother with him, he's exposing him to danger and stress. He feels it's not fair for Luigi to face his worst fears just because he came along with Mario.

As mentioned after in the fic, his method to keep Luigi away from that stress is to leave him home, but then Luigi will get anxious anyway because he worries he's a dead weight for his brother due to his cowardice. Luigi then will try to get out of his comfort zone for Mario's sake, and sometimes it works, and sometimes it don't. Which is why Mario feels anxious in turn that he can't just find the perfect solution, like he's supposed to do.

I hope I could make it more clear for you !

[ranboo5]

Anon ask received 2 main regarding early/pre-LM disc: (ask and response both under the cut bc uh . Long)

Hey! I saw you requests lore questions So my questions r like , how come c!dream is so unfair(?) to c!tommy in those disc streams, ik he stole and griefed but everyone did plus if its about ctommy killing him, csapnap also killed him and cdream killed ctommy in the stream previously to it. How come cdream confiscates the discs despite csapnap being the one to drag ctommy into this, as well as admit to cdream he started it. Ctommy even says "dream just threatened to burn my discs because of what you said, sapnap" Yet cdream blames ctommy. Why do you think this is in ur opinion? (Im just curiois about cdreams perspective from diff peoples takes cuz its interesting to me ) Also do you believe that cprimeboys were friends in this era (pre-lmanberg) Because it seems a if cdream rlly tried to befriend ctommy as again the stream previous to disc battle one has cdream helping ctommy the whole time (despite seeming threatening at first glance). And a few streams later, he says "tommy is under my protection" saving him from csapnap. What are your thoughts? And what do you think cdreams intentions and motives are here. Do you think he was justified? Was he controlling? Whats his perspective here?

Okay so I don't have a great amount to say here necessarily 'cause Angela is much more of a Dream lore knower than I and in big part I can kind of just agree: cDream is irrational and paranoid, just knew cSapnap better at the time, and cTmmy as a variable having more unknowns made cDream freak out abt him

(dropping tags but continuing 2 b c!, /RP etc)

In terms of motive like . Okay and here I go into a little less just repeating what Angela said I hope but like

Controlling, yeah, I think is a pretty good way 2 put it; Dream has a lot of immediate objection when stuff appears to spiral out of a controlled environment but what's kind of interesting is it's less even about his control personally and more the right kind of control in general ? Like it's less even that Dream sees himself as particularly deserving and more that Dream has a way he thinks the world is supposed to work and when that is threatened he flips out. Dream assuming controlling roles is thus less for self enrichment like w/ some characters and more for what he sees as the sanctity of The Way The World Should Work; the fact that it's him doing it is kind of a similar "why am I the only one who seems to actually get it" to Ranboo (you know the ranboo5 blog has 2 say it) (also smth smth "would do anything and everything" WHO SAID THAT !!)

The main difference in that sense is while Ranboo (like Techno) evolves his perception of what that should be intentionally, keeps to its intent but actually develops it w/ what it sees and experiences, all the change in Dream's perception of what's right and good is from the natural distortion that happens when you spend 40000 years chasing an ideal At Any Cost w/o really examining it Dream hangs on 2 this greater vision of how the world works that seems obvious to him with this childish insistence like a kid who is really frustrated at why people consistently threaten his playground rules like that's why I keep making Reddit moderator jokes abt him the power trip is secondary as a result of this deep controlling petty rage at the violation of a poorly defined social status quo of a small group of people and when his friends do it that's annoying but it's one thing it's his friends he can talk to them offline and at this point the resistance is petty and the ecosystem of the subreddit, crucially, is stable, but then when this new guy shows up and doesn't respond to moderation at all Dream loses it. You are Destroying This Community. And he doesn't stop 2 think about those rules being poorly defined and more poorly enforced as much as he feels that what he thinks was stable is now being, in his eyes, interfered with. It's a combination of major blind spots in reasoning (as you and Angela and others have pointed out when you try to consistently codify Dream's ideas they fall apart real fast) and a refusal to accept change and, following from those, that the idea of what is right and what a stable community looks like has to change as that community grows

TL;DR: Dream is childish and uninterested in understanding how the world around him actually works as much as his ideals about how it should work and is trying to bring it "back in tune" with an imagined order in that sense and always kind of has been even though it's never really been "in tune" with it and the order in question doesn't actually make sense

[sorikkung]

at this point im not gonna bother w tag rants unless the chapters are rly short no point hiding in the tags when you already know how insane i am <3 lets get to it <3

finding out abt what happened to seonghwa and aisha had my eyes fuckin boggling out of my head HELLOOOO trapped down there for WEEKS next to her family's rotting corpses?? oh my fucking god thats horrifying. i dont even Want to know what/how she was eating n drinking down there enough to stay alive for longer than a week. or maybe just drinking since you can supposedly last three weeks without food. i think. yeah i dont doubt that even a couple hours down there would be traumatising jesus fuck 😭😭😭 seonghwa my poor baby

"Fortunately, it appears he sleeps better having someone to hold onto." both made me so soft and filled me with an overwhelming dread knowing that one day probably soon he will be waking up to an empty bed. unless san and woo finally do smth abt their feelings for him which i Doubt. this scene was so pretty and bittersweet :')

"You suppose if you’re already being selfish, a little more couldn’t hurt." could it. could it really. :::::::::::::::::::::::::)

ok wait i went back to read the mimic chapter because i highkey forgot abt the scene where san holds mc and wanted to reread it and YOOOOU SNEAKY MF YOU.. THE RAT PROBLEM... I DIDNT EVEN THINK... I THOUGHT SEONGHWA WAS ACTING WEIRD HERE BC HE WAS ALREADY THE MIMIC BUT NOW THAT I KNOW THE MIMIC TOOK AISHA FIRST... HE SAW THEM DIDNT HE... it looks like such obvious foreshadowing in hindsight but i didnt catch it. damn, you're good.

WAIT IS THAT WHY SEONGHWA WAS SO MEAN ALL OF A SUDDEN WHILE AISHA WAS STILL THERE. DID HE FIGURE OUT SHE WAS A MIMIC ALREADY AND THAT SHE NOTICED HED SEEN TOO MUCH AND THAT HED BE NEXT SO HE ACTED DIFFERENTLY SO THE OTHERS COULD BE SET OFF... WAIT A DAMN MINUTE U GENIUS... wait or was "aisha" another mimic. i just got to the part where woo slams aisha against the wall and asks abt the rats and where seonghwa is. ok so cool this was not a big reveal and my memory is just bad. dont mind me. nothing to see here, sDFJKHSDFJKHDF so wait then do we know When seonghwa switched places w the mimic? was it from when wooyoung first left him outside and he was looking into the window to check on seonghwa, or was that still seonghwa and he played up his frustrated at woo and kissed mc so that the mimic would get the wrong impression?

ok back to this chapter. as soon as it was another sparring session w san i was like SOMETHING lgbt is going to happen here (i cant say homoerotic bc this is an m/f pair but i refuse to believe that mc is straight so they are going to be looking at each other extremely bisexually. besides whats the het equivalent of "something lgbt just happened to me" anyway.) and LO AND BEHOLD... ive been waiting for san and mc's relationship to get a kickstart after hwa and woo's has had so much development and i am VERY pleased with where this is (was? :') ) going. like i am ALWAYS here for a "apprentice gets the best of the mentor" moment but with the added sexual tension??? DELICIOUS.

i also love how we had an entire scene of san just internally freaking the fuck out in bisexual. like that is so fucking real. but i also love how he acknowledges hes not suddenly in love w mc, he just needs to feel needed and now that she gave him that its starting to hit a bit different. and the way his second thought is abt what woo or hwa would think... boy you are down HORRENDOUS. i respect it deeply.

yk at first i was like is this gonna be another Jealousy Moment™ cause while i usually hate those u manage to make them so delicious somehow. but then i was like its kinda hard to imagine yeosang of all people being this flirty and forward. as soon as he said kuroku tho i was like OH. FUCK. HE KNOWS. here they come. GODDD that fight scene was so TENSE!!!! one of my first thoughts was now mc is going to have all sorts of new burn scars from him. but aw man, woo being the first to find her and come to her defense despite being the one who only Just stopped actively hating her... ohhh that timing... :')

the way that woo obviously figures it out before the fight ends but he STILL fights them off anyway... also is "Then he begins." a callback to seonghwa describing using his gift as just Beginning? bc if so that was incredibly subtle and incredibly clever and packs one hell of a punch i love it. then he Begins. AW YEAH BABY, SHITS ABOUTTA GO DOWN.

and then mc kicking some absolute ASS thanks to sans sword training?? FUCK YEAH!!! SLAYYYY GIRLIE <3 THATS MY GIRL <3 her pride was almost contagious that was so satisfying lololol

ngl when woo ran off w her i thought for a moment like. wait is he going to try and keep it a secret from the others to spare their feelings? like goes "you better be able to still get us a reward in kuroku, so i can play along for now," n then they have to tip toe around why their relationship became so antagonistic again... BUT THEN HE DIDNT. THEN HE. THEN. THEN,

"How your father is dead and there is no money in Kuroku, meaning San could be as good as fucked.

How he completely unravelled himself for you, only to find it was your family that had tied all the knots in the first place."

"You bet he wishes the beasts had finished the job."

"His tears were sad, but they were of the gentle kind, the trusting kind.

These tears are just as raw, but they are born of nothing but fury, of hatred in its most pure form."

i mean, i cant really fault woo for how hes reacting at all, but also bro maybe you Should hear her out like she had a pretty good reason,,, SKJHSKDFHKSDFKG but i mean yeah after growing up in the elemental orphanage i dont expect him to give a shit abt the royal family LMFAO.

hm. would he Really kill her and enjoy it if not for them? his hesitation was quite loud. but then again its believable that that really is why. just think thonking.

"No she's not." OW. OW. AHAHAHAHA, OW. HIS INSTINCTIVE REACTION... NO ONE TOUCH ME.

“Ah,” he says at the realization, setting the sword down on the ground in front of him. He gives you another glance, and you cannot understand his reaction. He does not cry, he does not scream, he does not do anything but smile sadly. “I should have known.”

THIS PART IS FUCKING HEARTBREAKING??? THAT HIS REACTION WAS TO SMILE SADLY??? ngl i thought san might have known or at least Suspected ever since the sapphire, but... aww mannn. aw MANNN...

“How could you not tell me that?” He asks, and his tone is plain. Numb. “How could you go all this time keeping that from me?”

THIS. the implication here that she couldve told him. i feel like this speaks VOLUMES. cause at least to me, it feels very obvious why she didnt tell him - to stay alive, she her best bet was getting to kuroku. they were helping her do that. if she told them she couldn't actually guarantee their reimbursement, what reason would they have to continue with her? telling them would be basically signing her own fate to be left on her own. but he doesnt say "you lied" or "you only ever cared about yourself" or even "you were using me," he says "how could you not tell me?" as if she should've. as if she could've. as if she could've told him and he'd still take her to kuroku, or even keep her secret. or maybe he wasnt and hes just betrayed bc of how close he thought they were but like thats how i read it

“You couldn’t let your guard down but you could sleep with me." i mean, okay, he's rightfully hurt but this feels a little out of pocket, like, i thought we established after their first time in the tavern that sex didnt equal trust or love or anything SKJDFHKFDG but i suppose thats just the easiest way to address the relationship theyd built that was not really platonic in nature?

“You weren’t a fool-”

“Oh, I am,” he cuts you off, lips pursing together. He finally looks at you, and his eyes have begun to glisten, rimmed with tears he does not let fall. “I am because even now I hate to see you cry.”

"If that means there’s a way you can get San the money, come back. If there’s not…”

He trails off, gaze drifting to your sword on the ground, he sighs. “If there’s not then don’t bother.”

you dont even understand. i have a folder of reaction memes ive been building up for years. it has over a thousand images in it. but i dont have a single one that expresses how loud i am screaming over this. like the one i just used was my most insane looking one of this mood i am literally googling new ones bc words are not enough i need to bite someone.

there we go. made this just for u <3 im not going to admit how much effort i put into that <3 anyway! thanks for the brain damage queen you always serve 😊💞💝💘🤪 im going to go eat glass now.

Not all that Glitters is Gold -> 08

series pairing: (fem) princess!reader x seonghwa x san x wooyoung. eventual polyamory.

series masterlist | previous chapter

Part Eight: shame, hot buttered rum, and a rude awakening

series rating: 16+

series genre: action and adventure. romance. angst. fluff. suggestive. fantasy au.

series warnings: character death, blood and violence, weaponry, injury, suggestive content, mxm content, elements of misogyny, language, monsters. (will only be using chapter specific warnings for things not included on this list.)

summary: as a princess fleeing a royal assassination attempt, you have no choice but to put your trust in a band of three thieves in order to reach the kingdom of kuroku alive. however, amongst magic, deceit, and the bounty hunters that are hot on your trail, you realize that you might have stumbled upon a relationship far more complicated than what meets the eye.

chapter details beneath the cut ->

Keep reading

[pixy-stix-art]

Naga Tommy goes into a nesting faze where he is just unhappy without something in his brood pouch so Ranboo and Tubbo help him.

(and if you want to include Ghostbur in there as well, that's cool with me)

Sorry this took so long Blue found this at the bottom of my ask box. Hope you enjoy. Its super soft and fluffy.

This ended up a lot longer then I was planning but this is un edited

(Warnings: safe vore) ———————————————————————

Tommy was slithering through the forest. He felt so uncomfortable. He tried sleeping it off, but he couldn’t even do that! He huffed frustrated. He knew what was wrong, he needed something in his brood pouch. He didn’t have anything, or anyone to swallow though.

He was thinking about just trying to eat a bunch of rocks when he heard laughter. He followed the sound to a small lake. He smiled seeing the laughter belonged to his two friends, Tubbo and Ranboo. His first thought was that he could swallow them to help calm his instincts, but they would never let him do that. It was to embarrassing to explain anyway. At lest they would serve as a good distraction, right?

“Tubbo! Ranboo!” He called out slithering over to the small hybrids.

“Big man!” Tuboo smiled wide as he saw the giant red naga come over to them.

Ranboo smiled seeing his friend. “Hi, how have you been?” He hadn’t seen the naga in a few days.

“Good as always.” He laid down on his stomach in front of his friends. He caught their smell and had to resist the instinct to pick them up and tuck them away. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea….

“I’ve been beating Ranboo at cards!” Tubbo said proudly showing Tommy the card game they set up.

“You cheat.” Ranboo replied.

“I don’t!” Tubbo said quickly.

Tommy laughed at their bickering. “You definitely cheat Tubbo.”

“Hey! You’re supposed to be on my side!” He glared at Tommy.

He was having fun, or he had been. He set and talk with Ranboo and Tubbo for awhile but now all he could think about was putting them safely tucked away inside his brooding pouch. They had noticed his sudden silence when he felt a small hand on his cheek.

“Hey, why’d you get so quiet?” Ranboo asked. He knew something was wrong when Tommy was quiet.

“N-nothing Ranboob.” He pulled away so he wasn’t so close to them. “I’m fine.” He smiled.

Tommy knew he should leave before he couldn’t control himself anymore. But he couldn’t make himself leave his friends here, he needed them.

“You sure?” Tubbo looked up at Tommy. His eyes where blown wide, you could barely see the color of Tommy’s eyes. He had been acting weird too.

Tommy nodded. “Mmhmm…completely fine.” He shook his head trying to ride himself of his thoughts.

“No, something isn’t right.” Tubbo was confused why Tommy wouldn’t say what was wrong.

“I just- there is this thing I can’t tell you because it will scare you.” He tried explaining with as little detail as possible.

Ranboo laughed. “There isn’t anything you can do to scare us Tommy.”

Tubbo nodded agreeing. “Yeah! Just spit it out.”

Tommy groaned flopping onto the ground. “You two aren’t going to give this up, are you?”

“Nope!” Tubbo walked closer to Tommy noticing how he tensed up.

“Fine, but please don’t be scared it isn’t a bad thing. Just- ” He sighed. “Let me explain it first.” He said being serious for once.

Ranboo and Tubbo set down in front of him ready to listen.

Tommy crossed his arms in front of him resting his chin on his arms. “Ok, umm so… nagas have more then one stomach. One for food and the other to safely keep things in. Most of the time it’s for parents to keep their young in. To keep them safe. But nagas all get the instinct to put something in their brooding pouch. And it gets super uncomfortable and you can’t think about anything else.” Tommy explained quickly not looking at his friends.

“And do you have that instinct now?” Ranboo asked hesitantly after Tommy explained.

Tommy nodded hiding his face from them both. He didn’t what see what their reaction was.

Ranboo looked at Tubbo who was starring back at him. They both knew what Tommy was saying without actually saying it. Tommy wanted to eat them. Even if it was safe, it freaked them out a little.

Tubbo sat thinking for a second before getting up and dragging Ranboo with him up to Tommy’s forcing the naga to look at them. It was obvious now why Tommy seemed so uncomfortable this whole time.

“Tommy, are you saying you want to eat us?” He asked to get clarification.

Tommy hesitated before looking up at them. “Y-yes, but its not in a bad way! I don’t want to hurt you guys! It’s just stupid instinct stuff.” He said quickly not wanting them to think that Tommy would ever hurt them.

“Whoa! It’s ok. We don’t think you want to hurt us. You explained it well.” Tubbo rushed to say. “It’s just, not something you normally think would be safe.”

Tommy nodded. “Yeah, I know it’s scary for you.” He learned the hard way that most other species didn’t have brooding pouches.

“I don’t know about scary. Just a little weird.” Ranboo said putting a hand on Tommy’s arm.

Tommy smiled softly at them. “I’m just glad you didn’t run away.”

“No way! You’re our friend.” Tubbo grinned.

Tommy was so relieved. He had been so sure if they knew they would run away and not come to see him again.

“Now, how does this whole eating but not eating thing work?” Tubbo climbed up Tommy’s arm.

“W-what?” Tommy asked confused. They wanted to know more?

“Well I think I should know what I’m getting myself into here.” Tubbo said completely unbothered.

“Wait, no. What do you mean getting yourself into?!” Tommy looked at Tubbo the in shock.

“You’re going to eat me right?” Tubbo said.

“No! Im not going to do that!” He set up in surprise.

“Aw, why not?” Tubbo pouted a little.

“Why not?! Because I- I just can’t do that?!”

��Ok hold on.” Ranboo said seeing how freaked out Tommy was. “I think Tubbo is just trying to help.” He step up on Tommy’s arm next to Tubbo. “You’re uncomfortable right? We just want to help. And you said it was safe so there’s no real reason to worry.” He shrugged.

Tommy blinked at them both clearly shocked. “You- you would do that for me?” He asked quietly.

“Of course boss man. We want to help you!” Tubbo smiled happily cuddling Tommy’s nose.

“I- you actually will let me eat you?” He was not sure what to think.

“Yes that’s what we keep saying.” Ranboo chuckled.

“O-oh….” Tommy tried to hide how touched he was that they trusted him this much. They saw right through him.

“Are we doing this or not?” Tubbo said letting go of Tommy’s nose.

“I guess so.” Tommy gently scooped up Ranboo and Tubbo.

“Do we have to do anything?” Ranboo asked.

“Not really, just try and stay still. That will make it easier.” He held them close to his face.

They nodded sitting calmly on Tommy’s hand.

Being as gentle as he could, Tommy placed them in his mouth. He curled his tongue around them making sure to keep they away from his teeth. He smiled softly humming as he rolled them around getting them covered in saliva to make the trip down easier.

Tubbo was surprised just how gently Tommy was being. He giggled as Tommy licked at him and Ranboo. He felt around pushing at the tongue as it licked his face.

Tommy was glad they didn’t seem scared. Tubbo was giggling even. He moved Ramboo to to the side pinning him in place. He tilted his head back and swallowed Tubbo.

Ranboo gasped as he was gently squished with the tongue. He heard a loud gulp and he was pushed back to the middle of Tommy’s tongue. Tubbo was gone now. He laid back on Tommy’s tongue keeping himself calm. It was Tommy, Tommy would keep them safe. He knew it was safe but, his brain couldn’t help but panic a little.

Tommy hummed happily feeling Tubbo slip into the brooding pouch. He felt better but Tubbo was much smaller then what he needed. He tilted his head back again and gently swallowed Ranboo. He felt him wiggle a bit before going still again.

Tommy leaned back against curling his tail around himself. He felt so much better now. He no longer felt empty. Tommy placed a hand over where he could feel Ranboo and Tubbo.

“You guys ok?” He asked. If this was to much he would let them out.

“Yeah we’re ok!” Tubbo said hearing Tommy’s question. He had curled up getting comfortable in- what did Tommy call this again?

Ranboo shivered slightly. He couldn’t see anything and he felt around for Tubbo. He smiled finding him curled up against Tommy. He laid down next to the shorter hybrid and snuggled up to him.

“I’m glad you’re ok. I’ll let you out later.” He promised. He rubbed gently at Ranboo and Tubbo who he could feel were curled up together.

“Do you feel better now?” Ranboo asked. He sighed softly at the rubs. Longer he was here more comfortable it was. As odd as that is.

“A lot better. Thank you so much.” He hugged his middle. He soft weight of his two friends curled up in his brooding pouch made the empty feeling completely disappear. It felt nice having them so close and safe.

“Of course Tommy.” Ranboo said. “How long will we be in here though?” There wasn’t anything to do in here.

“Um, I’m not sure a little while. I want to sleep.” He couldn’t last night or the night before. It had been to uncomfortable.

“Ok, if you want to rest a nap doesn’t sound so bad.” Ranboo smiled softly.

“Ok. Sleep well.” Tommy said curling up to rest. He was so exhausted. He soon feel asleep.

Tubbo smiled cuddling up to Ranboo. “Never thought we’d get eaten by Tommy.” He said keeping his voice quiet.

“Me either. But it’s not so bad. A little gross but, it’s actually comfortable in here.” Ranboo said.

“Yeah. Might have to do this more.” Tubbo mumbled closing his eyes. He warmth around them was making him sleepy.

“Yeah, maybe.” Ramboo agreed. It was obviously safe and a great place to nap.

They both soon fell asleep curled up in Tommy’s brooding pouch.

[h0ly-fire]

Timeless

Chapter 1

Hi! So this is the first chapter of my Loki x reader fic based off the show! Its really long because its basically the entirety of the first episode. The reader will have Female pronouns in this story solely based on the fact that this will be very self indulgent and I identify as Female. So im sorry to those who do not identify as such. Also this has no editing or proof reading.. so there will probably be a lot of mistakes.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to be here. Loki was a God how could these people think that they could ever capture him! Strip him of his clothes and make him wait to stand trial? On top of all that they made him question wether or not he was a Robot.  Unbelievable!

 Now here he was with a man in front of him when a guard near by told them to take a ticket. “ Take a ticket.” the guard told them“ What is this a deli?” the man questioned the guard  “ No!” the man said rudely and walked off. “ Take your ticket” the guard said towards Loki as he stepped up. Loki looked at the guard with an are you serious look “ there’s only two of us in here.” Loki said looking around the room. The guard once more told him to take a ticket and Loki huffed grabbing a ticket and shoving it in the Guards face before walking away and shoving it in his pocket. 

“ This is an mistake I shouldn’t be here!” Loki shouted at the guard. Loki turned around when a strange voice sounded around the room “ Hi there! You’re probably saying ,this is a mistake I shouldn’t be here, “ . Loki then saw a television with a clock on it explaining the “ Time Keepers” and how they protect the flow of time and everyone and everything. Apparently he now has to stand trial for his “ crimes”. Loki chuckled before disbelievingly saying “ Time Keepers?” “ The sacred timeline?” he swung his arms out before yelling “ who would actually believe this? “ 

A guard once again asked for a ticket. Loki turned around to see a guard talking to the other man . The man started yelling “ That man didn’t give me a ticket! I tried to ask for one!” The guard rasied his voice “ ticket sir!” “ I tried to asked that guy for a ticket.” Loki then saw the guard pull out a baton and disintegrate the man out of existence. Loki , shocked, searched for his ticket pulled it out and heled it in the air.

Loki was escorted to a court room where women sat up front. “ Variant L1130, aka Loki Laufeyson. Is charged with sequence violation 72089. “ The women sat the paper down as Loki stood on the podium. “ How do you plead ?” she asked him. Loki looked up laughing “ Madam , a God doesn’t plead. “ “ Look this has been a very enjoyable pantomime , but i’d like to go home now.” “ Are you guilty of not guilty,sir?” the women asked . Loki laughed again “ Guilty of being the God of mischief , yes.” “Guilty of finding this all incredably tedious, yes “ “ Guilty of a crime against the sacred timeline? Absolutly not , you have the wrong person.” 

They continued on arguing until the women once again asked him how he pleads. Loki said guilty and then streched his arms out trying to summon his powers. He tried a few times , but each time he failed. The women told him that magic was no good in the TVA. She sentenced him to be reset . Loki freaked out asking what reset meant before being grabbed by the guards. “ You ridiculous beauracrates will not dictate on how my story ends!” Loki screamed. The women said it was never his story . “ You have no idea what I’m capable of!” Loki yelled out in frustration. A man wearing a suite then stood up “ I think I do.” “ I have an idea of what he’s capable of” he said pointing at Loki. He then walked up and stood in front of the women. 

The two talked in whispers before the man turned to Loki. Loki breathed heavy before starring the man down “ and who are you?” the man smirked before leading Loki towards his office. “ I’m gonna burn this place to the ground “ Loki said walking next to the man. “ I’ll show you where my desk is you can start there.” Loki looked out of the hall to see a grand city. Filled with lights , floating buildings, flying cars, the giant statues of the Time Keepers. “ Home sweet home” Loki looked to the man “ I thought there was no magic here.” the man shook his head “ there isn’t.” 

Loki found himself in an elevator with the man. Said man stuck his hand out for Loki to shake before telling his name “ I’m agent Mobius by the way.” Loki looked down at Mobiuses hand before looking back up at him. “ Are you taking me somewhere to kills me?” Loki asked. “ No” Mobius answerd “ thats where you just were. I’m taking you some place to talk.” “ I don’t like to talk” Loki said shaking his head. “ but you like to lie “ Mobius told him “ which you just did. Cause we both know you love to talk.” Loki looked at mobius with a scowl on his face. “ How Long have you been here? “ Loki asked him. “ I don’t know its hard to say time passes diffrently at the TVA.” Mobius replied. 

They stepped out the elevator ,Loki asking Mobius about the three space lizards and how its absurd how they decide the lives of millions. They then step into a big spacious room with a table and two chair in the middle. Loki made the comment on how it really feels like Mobius is going to kill him. Mobius fiddled with a device that sat on the table. Loki tried to attack Mobius, but he didn’t get far when mobius pulled something out and sent him back to where he was standing. Loki looked annoyed before he finally took a seat. 

Loki sat crossing his arms. “ If looks could kill.” Mobius said smartly. They carried on their chat as Mobius pulled a drink out explaing he specializes in dangerous variants. Mobius then started to ask Loki a seires of questions. Loki explained how he wanted to be King of Midgard and the nine realms. How he would have made it easy. “ People like easy.” Mobius said. Loki looked down at the table “ The first depressing lie ever uttered was the song of freedom.” he said before looking back up at Mobius. Mobius continued to write Loki’s answers down as they continued on their chat. Mobius then clicked on the red device in front of them and then it played something catching Loki’s attention.

It started to play his life. It showed him killing Coulson, Mobius asking if he enjoys killing people whilst the video showed Loki destroying NewYork. He then showed Loki in Germany taking out the eyes of a man. “ Look at that smile.You are enjoying that. “ Mobius stated. “ Did you enjoy hurting them?” Loki looked at the floor shaking his head. “ I don’t have to play this game.” Loki told Mobius. “ I’m a God.” Mobius looked at him before replying “ Of what? In mischief right? “ “ yeah, I don’t see anything mischievous about this.” He paused the video before talking about Loki’s escapes. Loki called himself a mischievous scamp and then Mobius continued the video . It was Loki on a Plane . He was D.B Cooper. Apparently he had lost a bet to Thor. Mobius brought the conversation back to Lokis escapes. Loki tried to get up but was brought back to his chair.

Loki was frustrated beyond belief. Mobius showed him another clip agreeing with what his past self had said . Mobius asked if he was finished before showing him what would have happend if he hadn’t taken the Teseract. It showed Loki in chains walking towards his mother. Mobius mouthing “ thats you” towards Loki. Loki looked up starring at his Mother. “ Have I made you proud?” “ Please don’t make this worse.” Loki stood crossing his arms “ What is this? It’s nonsense.” He asked Mobius. “ More tricks this never even happend.” He sais gesturing the the video. “ Not to you, not yet “ Mobius said. The video continued on showing what would have been had Loki stayed within his timeline. He watched as his mother died. How he lead the dark elves to her. How HE killed her. 

“Do you enjoy killing!?” Mobius asked Loki. “ I’ll kill you!” Loki stated. “ What like how you killed your Mother.” Mobius told him. Loki then the the chair at him. Mobius moving out of the way and the chair going through the picture of his dead Mom. “ You weren’t born to be King Loki. You were born to cause Pain and suffering and Death. That’s how it is that’s how it was and that’s how it will be.” Mobius told him. Loki sat on the ground in a mix of grief and anger. He watched the Avengers fighting each other. All of them on the screen. Including you. Oh how he wished to see you right now . Taking him away from this terrible place. You were next to Steve and Natasha, eyes glowing yellow while power surges through your hands. You looked so powerful in that moment. A moment he’d never be able to truly witness. He just couldn’t wrap his head around the idea of you joining the avengers though.

He shook his head and looked up at Mobius sticking his hand out for him. He stood and then the door opened. In came the women guard “ what are you doing?” she asked Mobius. “ My job” Mobius said as if it was obvious. “ Is it yours to interupt?” he asked her. She looked at him before she spoke up “ We have a situation.” she told him. Mobius and the women left, leaving Loki to his own devises. Outside the room Mobius and the women were in a heated argument. “ We just lost another unit!” the women yelled at him. Mobius sighed before walking back in the room. “ Okay Loki I think we can finish up tomorrow and just-” Mobius stopped mid sentence when he noticed Loki was no where to be found. 

Outside Loki wandered around until he ended up in an office like room. TVA workers going about . “ Hey!” Loki shouted in a whispered tone towards the man he saw at the front desk. “ Hey I know you!” the man shouted. Loki grabbed him, pulling him down to keep him quite. “ What’s your name?” Loki asked, the man looked confused before replying “ Casey” he told him. “ Get me the Tesseract or i’ll gut you like a fish!” Loki threated him.” What’s a fish?” Casey loudly asked. Loki sushed him before asking “ how do you not know what a fish is?” “ i’ve lived my entire life behind a desk” casey said. 

After Casey agreed to comply he got up and pulled open a drawer. He pulled out the Teseract and handed it off to Loki. Finally, Loki thought, I have it. he helled it in his hands before glancing down. He saw infinity stones. A lot of them, just sitting there useless. “ What? Infinity stones? “ Loki asked him self, gently touching them as if they weren’t real. He stumbeld over his words “ how do you have these ?” he asked. “ Oh” Casey said “ We actually got a lot of those. Some of the guys use them as paper weights.” he said smiling to himself. Loki stood up and then walked in front of the big television. The weight of everything catching up to him. “ Is this the greatest power in the universe?” Loki questioned. 

The women guard came charging towards Loki with her weapon, but Loki teleported before she could hit him. He went back to the room Mobius had taken him to earlier. Out of breath, Loki got up looking at the Avengers still on the video along with you. He sat in the chair before rewinding the video and playing it again. He saw his life. What happened and what would have happened. 

He saw his Mother, dead on the floor. He saw his Father saying he loved them both. He saw you, your hands intertwined. Bodies pressed together and sweet kisses. He saw a ring on your finger and your smiling face looking up at him. He saw a version of himself being loved by you and living a life together. A life he’d never get to live now. He was crying , his tears streaming down his face. His breathe was shaky as he continued the video. He saw his brother, the two of them, fighting side by side. The video then showed him in front of Thanos. Thanos grabbed him by the neck, lifting him up. Loki stood up walking closer to the screen. He was struggling to breath as Thanos squeezed the life out of him. He could hear your cries of anguish as you pleaded for Thanos to let him go. You ran and banged on Thano’s back to stop him, but it was to late . A crack sound could be heard and he was dead. His body dropping to the floor. You came running up to him , cradling his limp body. Thanos looked down at you in disgust before stabbing you. Your body laying lifelessly next to his. As dead to the universe has he was.

Lokis face was one of fear, shock, and sadness. Seeing his death was teirrble enough, but to see you die was something else entirely. It broke his heart. The last thing he saw was Thor holding on to both your bodies and then the screen said end of file. Loki laughed at himself and then the women stepped in. “ what’s so funny?” she asked. Loki shook his head “ Glorious Purpose “ he turned around starring at her and then marched towards her. He threw a punch but she retaliated. The two fought but Loki brought her down attaching the collor to her neck. He fiddle with the remote causing her to go this way and that before she left the room completly. 

Mobius ran into you in the hall way telling you the Variant “ Loki” as he was called had escaped an he needed your help to find him. “ Mobius how many times do I have to tell you to keep watch of variants?” you huffed. “ I mean isn’t that your job?” He looked at you before pleading “ Please just help me Red, I’ll make it up to you.” “ fine” you pointed your finger at him “ but you owe me” the two of you set a brisk pace  and made it to what you usually call the showing room. It usually just shows the lives of people and variants, but TVA workers were not allowed to look at their own files. You and Mobius both pulled out your weapons entering the room. “ Loki” Mobius said, causiously walking towards him. You trailed behind walking behind Mobius . You moved to stand next to him as you got closer to the variant. He was sitting with his hands over his face.” No where left to run.” you said. Loki looked up hearing your familiar voice. He looked at you in disbelief.  

You weren’t real. How could you possably be here? He saw you die along with him! He saw you being carried away in shackles back on Midgard before he stole the Tesseract and ran off. There was no way that this could be you. He looked away from you and stared back at Mobius “ I can’t go back can I? “ it was more of a statement then a question though. You looked at him feeling some sort of sense of familiarity but sook it off as nerves. “ back to my timeline” Loki continued. Nither you nor Mobius said anything as Loki continued. “ I don’t enjoy hurting people.” he looked back at you “ I don’t enjoy it.” He looked in your eyes “ I do it because I have to. Because I had to.” Mobius shook his head and you spoke up. ‘Explain that to me.” Loki still couldn’t believe you were here right in front of him, but he pushed on anyway “ because it’s part of the illusion. “ “ It’s the cruel elabrate trick, conjured by the weak to inspire fear.” Mobius spoke this time “ a desprate play for control.” “ you do know yourself.” Loki sighed again “ a villain” he stated. “ That’s not how I see it” you said. Loki once again looked up at you . That since of familiarity coming back to you. “ 

Loki grabbed the Tesseract and spoke“ The TVA is formidable” Mobius shook his head in agreement “ that’s been my experince.” Mobius spoke to him,offering him a deal. You grabbed a hold of Mobius arm before yelling at him “you’re not doing what i think you’re doing are you?” Mobius shrugged your arm off before saying yes and then looked back at Loki. Loki got up walking towards the both of you. “ Fugitive Variant has been killing our minutemen” Mobius told him. “ and you need the God of mischief to help you stop him.” Loki said.” That’s right “ “ why me?” Loki asked .You butted in , standing infront of Mobius , looking up at Loki “ the variant we’re hunting is you.” “I beg your Pardon?” Loki asked. You chuckled,not suprised by his reaction. “ I’m sorry , but I think i’m in even more shock as to why you’re even here.” he gestured towards the room and then pointed at you stepping closer. You were face to face , noses almost touching. “ why’re you working for these people?” he furrowed his brows at you “ what are you doing here y/n?” You looked just as confused as he was and uncrossed your arms. “ I’m sorry, but who’s y/n ?” 

[spacedikut]

hi different anon here! but what if spencer had to take a mandatory arts class of some kind for his degree (i don’t know how caltech or phd courses work but we’re going to ignore that) and he’s getting super frustrated because he’s so good at all of his other academic classes but he just! can’t! figure! out! the arts!!! but then reader is in the same class as him and notices that he’s struggling so they offer to help him out?

it’s kind of a role reversal of the usual spencer-tutors-reader in college (because he’s a genius so it’s an obvious [and very good!] dynamic)

and bonus points if it’s a pottery class and they have a “ghost” moment 🙈🙈 (reader is obv patrick swayze 🤤) but make it any medium you want! or even a music class!! up to you my dear <3

ok for some reason i immedaitely thought of finger painting but. have decided against that

idk how art classes work either but if it’s anything like art was in school then you’re kind of left to you own devices? so let’s go with that. it’s fiction babey!

this was meant to be headcanons/random concepts but turned in a messy blurb so it’s under read more

he loves art and isn’t so bummed out that he has to take the class because - again - he likes it But the issue is he likes Looking at it, Not creating it. he’s got jiggly hands that squirm and twitch without his consent constantly and that doesn’t bode well for drawing fine details and intricate patterns, so he’s hoping because it’s an introductory course it’ll be. maybe more theory than anything else? or at least just basic tools and mediums so he can struggle through with a grimace from the professor

he ends up with /oil/ paints though and he’s looking from the bowl of fruit to his easel to thr OIL PAINTS and derek is there, in spirit, going hahahaha good luck pretty boy! and spencer Could ask to change the type of paint he’s using but he’s awkward and so. grits his teeth and goes. alrighty this is it this is life im using oil paints, something notoriously difficult for a beginner, which is what i am, a beginner, and i am now putting these expensive paints to this expensive easel with my inexperienced hands-

and you’ve been watching him since he stepped in, because he’s pretty, and now you’re grimacing cause Oh Boy he does not know what he’s doing and he’s. he’s breaking the paintbrushes. you can hear the bristles cracking from across the room.

spencer would’ve noticed you if he wasn’t so Humiliated (he, too, easily notices pretty people) so when you creep up behind him and say, “oil paints are difficult, aren’t they?” in this understanding voice that he follows with his head, his first thought is- oh, so to top it all off a piece of art has come to life? this is where we are now?

he does that thing where he forces out a little breath along with a small smile and goes, “ah, yeah. i didn’t want to ask for something else, so,” and weakly lifts the palette in his hand as if to say, it is what it is.

“i could help, if you’d like?”

and he agrees cause he’s eager to learn! and you, a masterful artistic genius, blow him away with not only your knowledge (you’re into the theory kind of stuff too and at one point he jolts himself, realises he was staring at you with his mouth open, and deeeeep down wishes someone would think of him the way he thinks of you when you ramble) but your actual skills too! and you’re a great teacher! patient, understanding, and did he say patient? because he has painted a damn sky at least 15 times and every time he Somehow makes clouds look phallic and you just go hehe :) and he’s like I love u (internally)

several weeks in, when you and spencer have become arty friends, the subject turns to drawing people rather than objects - you tell him getting people /right/ is something you struggle with yet you love doodling your friends and family in your sketchbook. the first body spencer draws (that isn’t a stick man) is done in crayons, which he’s found is the medium that works best for him (only when the crayon is properly wrapped. because the waxy feel of them Freaks him out)

you help him learn about drawing anatomy while he tells you /about/ anatomy, he attempts to sketch a hand and it’s so odd looking he laughs so hard he CRIES and you finally convince him to try charcoal, your personal favourite

it’s messy and gets everywhere (spencer opens his mouth to complain about his expensive grey cardigan but then- the little mark is a physical representation of this memory between you and him, huddled close together as you both draw aimlessly in your sketchbook, and the mark feels more like a blessing) but spencer ends up agreeing that charcoal sketches look the best.

then he sees something he shouldn’t have.

you’re talking about how you sketch your family all the time - there’s several of your roommates and your pets and a sheep u saw this one time - then there’s...someone oddly familiar? that he catches a glimpse of? and before he can think he goes “wait-“ opens that page and it’s him. him, standing too close to an easel with his tongue slightly poking out in concentration and it’s a charcoal sketch of him from last week.

you’re embarrassed. “that’s weird, im sorry-“

“you make me look good” he tells you, smiling sweetly, and you’re convinced it’s just to comfort you but you’re too glad he isn’t filing a restraining order you let it slide

i mean. have you seen his face? how can anyone look at that and not want to start chiselling marble?

then he gets secretive, weird, a little odd and definitely is avoiding you. he paints and draws with his back to you, still talks to you but over his shoulder and can never really look you in the eyes. you think this is it and that the sweetheart you’ve come to see as more than a friend is Done with you, because you’re a CREEP, and then after a weekend of silence on his end this happens:

while you’re getting your stuff ready, he walks up silently and slides a small sketchbook in front of you. you stare at it, wondering what it’s for, and he nods at it and tells you to open it. when you go to, he stops you-

“a-actually, let me give you a page to start on-“

when he manhandles the book his hands brush yours, his already bright red cheeks get redder, and you bite your tongue so you don’t sigh dreamily.

he’s drawn you.

it’s not perfect and kind of not pretty - a lot of harsh edges and weird shading - but you can tell its you. it’s you, drawn by him, probably from memory, and he’s drawn little hearts around your head because he’s the cutest? evidently?

“it’s really bad, but i thought-“ you look directly at him, making him freeze. he’s got a little charcoal just under his eye. unabashedly, you reach up and wipe it away, hand remaining at the side of his face when you’re done. “i thought you deserve to feel how i felt when you drew me.”

“and how did you feel?”

he gulps. “loved.”

all you can do in the Classroom you’re in is beam sickeningly sweet at one another, lost in your own world while there’s a wordless exchange. the rest of the sketchbook is full of half attempts at sketching you - in different positions, with different expressions, some with a full head while others are half a face. some of them are hilarious, but they’re all made with the purest intentions. “i love it.”

and when you share a look then, you don’t need to verbally say what comes next just yet.

(and. yes. the second you see a pottery class is available you drag him and Make him sit between your legs and he’s never blushed so much in his life the teacher asks if he needs air. at one point you think it’d be funny to peck his neck and the shiver it sends through him is so shocking your mould on the wheel is squished between his hands)

[gayspock]

ok finished ep 1 :3c randdommm thoughts

firstlyyyy !! hmmm, as an ep? unsure how to feel about this one! in terms of like- progression? does that make sense. idk how to say it... bc it kinda pulls the rug out a few times to the point where im like hmmm idk; i feel like this coulda been done different. does that... make sense? usually i like that abt farscape but here, part of me feels like it was just a "well we're back several steps, and not in a good way that instills frustration, or that was properly exploratory, but just in a this was sort of filling out screentime sort of way" but eh. shrug. it still had a lota lot of good in it:3

ALSO i kind of wanted aeryn to be separated for a good while in terms of what that could do for, like, the story. i think it'd be interesting - because right now, hm.. idk. i feel like crais by himself, with talyn? well im just not so sure!! and again im talking, like, strictly speculatively and in terms of story. so, IM ABSOLUTELY GIVING IT A CHANCE, BTW! especially bc i think farscape does often prove me wrong. however i am GOING 2 speak my truth hereeee [looks shy] ...

i donttt... realllyy... ehrrm.. care for crais and what theyve done with him so far. its not that i dont LIKE him. but he really isnt anything interesting at all to me. shrug. its giving nothing- sorry... its why im kinda glad to see scorpius- bc i was glad to find out crais wouldnt stay "the big bad" because, yeah, it really wasnt working for me. he's nothing interesting, or innovative in terms of a character . sorrryyyyyyy.

and i feel like, by himself, i dont know. like i said- that's speculaitve - but i do sort of... question whether him, being off by himself, is going to be that interesting, because of that. at least, versus him having aeryn there to bounce off of, and inherently kinda tying them back more to the main crew, etc... does that make sense? bc i feel like- yknow, s1, he'd just disappear for long periods of time, and i'd almost forget he was even. a thing. LOL. and his dynamic was also... usually with his subordinates. and idk. they are kind of just npc-types, for lack of a better term. substanceless background guys. i think therefore, whilst you can demonstrate character like that, its never... of the same calibre as when you're actually in scenes with other characters of you know. substance. (and thats not a RULE, ofc, but its something hard to pull off otherwise esp when- well yeah, crais really doesnt feel like anything to me). and that was fine for s1, i think it worked better then, but from now on ehhh idk!!!

ANYWAYS SPEAKING OF

I LOVEEE TALNY I LOVE TALYN THATS ALSO WHY IM CONCERNED BC I JSUT WANT TO SEE MORE OF TALYN .... SORRRYYYY the problem with farscape thus far is theres so many little guys RIGHT up my alley and im bouncing up and down and criyng bC I LVOEEEEE ... WE BETTER GET MORE FREAKING TALYN. SO HELP ME GOD...

also i havent talked abt her much either. i like chiana. BUT i feeel bad bc i wanna LURV her but i think its like... THUS far its kinda obvious they didnt intend to keep her at first. so i really want to see more involvement with her going forward. i dont MIND so much that we havent had a lot of focus on her, so far, even if its like... WELL, i think in general, it was just an odd time to introduce her even if they couldnt rlly help it. like, it was right before all the finale eps and stuff, yknow, so we couldnt have an ep where we get a lot of her!!! but even still, like...

i always said sth i LIKED abt the show was the way they were pretty slow and organically introduced us. so i cant complain that much. :3

IALSO LOVEEE LOVE LOVE THE LACK OF RESET BUTTON ON... EVERYTHING, FRANKLY. IDK IF I SAID THAT YET. but like i love how it HAS been episodic, but things in each episode always actually do have bearings on the show as a whole. even if its just development stuff. like its so refreshing after a lot of trek, and other scifi shows of this ilk - wherein the eps so self-contained...

even in a human reaction. i diddnttt say it at the time BUT yeah im still unsure how i feel abt that one but i really appreciate that even though it was a simulation, they did mitigate the usual failings of that trope- they had the crew in there, and real, so they could actually experience things and it wasnt just crichton going through the ringer. and ofc the other consequence of that ep lol

ALSO speaking of. im kinda glad to see more development with crichton, too, and with all of them but him esp.... babycakes was fucking FRANTIC in this episode, man, holy SHIT.

i liked all of their reactions honestly. help......

idk i feel like iahadosmething else to say oh god what was it

ehrm

yeah d'argo and crichton being WARRIORS together. increasingly obsessed. their rock paper scissors.... oh im obsessseddd

also hate this

OH GOD TUMBLR LOOPS IT FUCKING HELL

[violetnotez]

HC: BNHA Boys x Aizawa’s Daughter! Reader

Anonymous: Hello, Can I request headcanon for Todoroki, Bakugou and Midoriya who is dating Aizawa's daughter? She is in class 1-A but has a Quirk different from his

Hello anon! Im super sorry but I only did Shoto and Bakugo because of how long I made them- I hope you dont mind!

*Important Note: kinda backstory-ish so the HC’s make sense-basically y/n is adopted by Aisawa from a young age and she ironically has a quirk that intensifies other quirks

Alrightie thats all I wanted to add- hope you enjoy!

-----------------------------

SHOUTO

Aizawa totally saw that you two liked each other- you were his daughter, like of course he sees this!

Whenever Shouto would talk to you, your face would become a soft shade of pink and your nervousness would come out- you’d stumble over words, bite your lip, brush your hair behind you ears- the works

Shouto as well- it wasn’t as obvious, but he definitely acted different towards you

One time when Shoto was having a difficult time learning how to get out of zip ties (a strange little side lesson by Midnight- she wanted to show the class how to get out of a kidnapping situation in which Kaminari kept yelling out “this is sooooo kinky!” 

Jirou of course slapped him, which made Aizawa stifle a laugh)

Since you had always been around heroes most of your life, you were taught well in combat and self defense skills

Aizawa watched interested as you helped Todoroki, his face becoming tinted in red and his tone softer

After you had left to do your own assignment, Aizawa had caught Shoto just staring down at his hands in amazement as if he couldn’t believe what just happened

That’s when Aizawa knew you two liked each other

He really was okay with it though-most others would have thought the hero would be over the top protective, but with Shoto-he was a good kid, kinda quiet, had a darker past than most his age but-Aizawa knew Todoroki would never intentionally hurt you.

It took a few long,grueling months for Shoto to finally ask you out, and when he did, Aizawa could only feel relieved-because Jesus Christ he’d been just waiting for you two to just start dating already!

The only thing he was worried about was-well- Shoto’s father

He knew of Endeavor, never personally, just because of the fact that Aizawa never cared for the hero

He saw him as arrogant, rude, and blinded by his own personal agenda- he also knew of Shoto’s distatse for his father, which he knew had to be for a good reason

Shoto and Aisawa had both warned you of his father, with Shoto revealing his dark childhood to you and Aizawa warning you to not cross Endeavor’s path because of his entitled nature

You and Todoroki had no intention of telling his father of your relationship, until the day when you had mistakenly visited Todoroki’s house when his father was home

Was EXTREMELY awkward

Endeavor was not kind to you- in fact he was cold and unforgiving in what he said around you

Endeavor really was flabbergasted- how could his son be wasting his time over some girl? He was also disappointed in his choice- Endeavor found your quirk to be mediocre, since he had noticed you at the Sport’s Festival. He noted that your quirk was essentially only useful to others, nothing flashy about it at all- what a waste

Why couldn't Shoto find someone with more power to add to his family’s already strong gene pool?.

 Yes, he knew you were Aizawa’s daughter- but not even of blood- and even if you were, he wouldnt accept you two going out together

He also went on to say that Shoto should be focusing on his training, not on some little crush

 basically stated you weren't good enough for his family or son

Shoto quickly left with you, trying to reassure as much as possible that what his old man said was not true, and that he loved you no matter what

Did you kinda cry? Yes. And did Todoroki and Aizawa wanna kick Endeavor’s ass? Also a yes

You and Todoroki continued to go out with Aizawa backing you two up, even if Shoto got into a few arguments over you with his father

One day Aizawa was supervising a team building exercise, where it was pairs of two against two. You and Shoto were on one side, while Bakugo and Deku were on the other.

Endeavor had chosen to come to UA  that day to see how his son was improving, looking down at disdain that he was still courting you

Aizawa was not particularly happy having to deal with Endeavor- he knew he was judging your every move, every punch you landed, every mistake you made

You were very good at hand to hand combat though, even without a flashy quirk- as Bakugo and Shoto were sparring, you were taking Izuku head on, making him sweat a little, even with his own quirk against yours.

Endeavor still gave you the biggest dirty look ever

Aiszawa about to throw hands ngl

Then something happened- Izuku was able to finally land a hit on you, using his quirk to launch you back a few feet. You tumbled into the dirt, Todoroki running to see if you were okay.

“What is he doing?!” Endeavor grunted out in frustration, “Why is he-”

You strangely put out your hand, and Todoroki touched it. Endeavor was furious, seeing this as some form of weakness-

Todoroki then turned around, his quirk improving ten fold. Endeavor had never seen anything like it- Shoto had made an ice blast, larger than anyone he had ever seen- even from the Sports Festival.

It was-well- it was even better than his own quirk

 Aizawa looked at Endeavor’s clearly shocked face with a smug expression.

Hell yeah this scum bag now knows his daughter is freaking awesome

But then Endeavor’s mind started to race- clearly your quirk had some merit. If you and Shoto could produce a child with that much power on its own, hell, his family line would forever be the #1 hero!

He grinned at the thought, turning to Aizawa, a little too cheerful

“That’s your daughter, uh-” he searched for your name, “y/n, correct-”

“Dont even start,” Aisawa cut him off, making Endeavor pissed as he walked down to the training grounds quietly to go check up on you.

-----------------------------

BAKUGO

Bakugo at first was very intimidated by you and was kind of an ass towards you

He knew you had a really useful quirk and was kinda scared of that

He also was so terrfied because he was starting to get the first symptoms of a crush and was too stupid to even admit to it

Classic “I like you so Im going to be mean to you” situation

Wouldn constantly say you only got into UA because of your Dad’s reputation as a Pro Hero/ Teacher

Aizawa would hear about this and would be so mortified- he was worried this would happen when going to UA, and he was extremely angry at Bakugou

But he felt that if he intervened, it would make the situation worse and confirm the rude things Bakugo was saying

You also reassured him that you were okay (even though the rude comments hurt you slightly) but you’d get over it

It just made you upset that Bakugo didnt even want to know you- you thought he was kinda cute even though he could be rude

I fully believe Aizawa (in times of crisis) would consult Midnight and Present Mic for parental advice because its gotta be tough raising a child on your own

Midnight offered to put you and Bakugo together on the next training exercise, so Bakugo would be forced to talk to you and realize you weren't so bad

AIsawa thought about it long and hard and finally agreed- he was scared Bakugo would go and be a jerk to you, but he knew you were capable of dealing with his antics

When Midnight read off the pairings that day, you were both mortified- you because you would have to be stuck with the hot head that hated your guts, while Katsuki was freaking out inside

He was going to act like an idiot around you- what the hell was Midnight thinking?!

Once you two got in the mock city set up for the training exercise, you couldn't even say a word to each other

‘All Bakugo grunted out was, “Just stay out of my way.” and trudged off

“You idiot!” you called out, “we have to work together or we fail-”

Just then, the exercise started and a giant training robot was coming after you- Bakugo feebly tried to blast it, but his flames were too short to even reach the monster

‘Let me help!” you called out, reaching for his hands- you quirk only worked if you could touch the person.

He shrugged off your advances- Jesus Christ if you saw he was getting flustered-

“Hell no!” he yelled out in panic, “Im not letting a little prick like you-”

You grabbed his face between your hands, letting your Quirk transfer to him and making his cheeks bright red

You had never even seen Bakugo so speechless- he looked like a deer in headlights

“Use your quirk!” you yelled out, hiding behind him- you didnt know how powerful his quirk would become, but with experience, you knew it was about to become intense

He shook his head, trying to clear himself of the feeling of your skin on his- it was intoxicating, even though it was only for a few seconds- and why was your presence so irritatingly calming and distracting at the same damn time?! 

His heart was beating so fast, feeling your frame hiding behind him

He smirked, feeling you quirk course through is veins, and raised his arm to shoot a blast of fire at the machine

Instantly, a gigantic explosion of flames leaped out of his hands, shocking him

He instantly grounded his feet, trying to keep up with the power coming out of his hands

The blast went farther than anything he had ever produced (even his signature AP shot), licking up the side of the machine and burning it to a crisp

He looked at his hands and back at you, his heart thumping as you grabbed his shoulders in happiness and wrapping him into an impulsive hug

“We did it Bakugou!” you yelled out cheerfully

He just couldn't stop staring- why did you look so goddamn pretty?

“....Thanks...I guess your quirk is good enough for UA....”  he mumbled out, looking away from you as he said it

You stared at him in shock- did he just- compliment you?

You two instantly won the training exercise, and after that, Bakugo neve bothered you- in fact he kinda just ignored you, like you didnt even exist

He just still couldnt get over the fact that you had touched him, and how he felt when you touched you, seeing those pretty eyes of yours stare into his-

One day Kirihsima caught Bakugo staring at you as you sparred with Izuku, obvious fury in his eyes

“You okay man?” he asked, sitting next to Bakugo

All he did was grunt as the obvious blush grew 

Kirishima would not STOP bothering him to ask you out after that- it was so annoying to him

“Can you shut up? I dont like her?” slowly turned into “Okay you ass I get it I need to ask her out!”

You were always the last to leave class, since you always talk to your dad before you go off to lunch

And Bakugo took note of this

You had thought that the hallway was completely empty, only to see Bakugo resting against  a locker, his arms folded and his head slumped down

“Hey Bakugo!” you greeted kindly, a little nervous- you really didnt know where you two stood as far as relationships go- were you enemies, rivals, acquittances, friends? 

With Bakugo, who the hell knew.

 “Mr. Aisawa is in classroom if you needed help with something, sorry I took so long-”

“I actually-” he gulped slightly, stuffing his hands into his pockets, “I wanted to talk to you.”

Your heart started to pick up in speed- what was this all about?

“Uh, sure, what is it?” you asked politely, walking closer to him. You grabbed onto your backpack strap, gripping hard- you felt like you could float away at any moment, your nerves making your body go haywire.

“I know Ive been an ass,” he started, “and I havent talked to you much, but would you- maybe-uh...uhm..shit!” he cursed as he fumbled on his words, his cheeks a cherry red

You giggled, your face now too hitting up- was this really happening? Was he really going to ask you out?

‘Are you trying to ask me-” you started, but Bakugo instantly cut you off

“Shut up baka I was going to say it!”

“Say what, exactly?” Right at perfect time, Aizawa walked by, standing in front of your two blushing faces, asking in a colder tone than usual.

Bakugo instantly cursed everything in existence- why the hell did his teacher, your dad, show up right now?!

You two both stared at him, not knowing what to do- 

Aizawa was practically staring daggers into Bakugo- fear riddled in Aizawa’s stomach. Bakugo, the most arrogant boy in his class, liked you? He say you as his sweet, innocent little girl- would this hot head destroy that image of you? And a boy who was so cruel to you- you looked ready to even say yes to him after everything he called you!

He had vaguely remembered having a conversation like this with Midnight, in which she tried to explain that most boys who had crushes would react to them with anger in which to cover up their true feelings

To be honest, Aizawa thought it was a boat full of crap until now- now he realized this was why Bakugo had terrorized you so much- but he couldn't get over the fact of how rude he was to you so many weeks back

“Bakugo, I suggest you go to lunch before I send you to the principal’s office for using language like that on school grounds- especially towards my daughter,” he stated cruelly, his eyes cold and menacing. 

Bakugo stared at him, debating whether to yell something back at him- but thinking better of it, he merely just sulked, it taking everything in him to keep his mouth shut.

“Come, y/n, I’ll pick you up something up to eat from the teacher’s lounge,” Aisawa commanded softly to you, just wanting you to stay away from Bakugo for as long as possible.

As you were walking behind Aisawa, you caught a look of Bakugo sulking, looking absolutely defeated

Your heart broke for your crush, and right as your eyes met, you turned around, walking backwards slightly to mouth him a quick ‘Yes” and a smile, watching as a small grin form on Bakugo’s red cheeks

Yeah, your dad did not agree about it at first, but after he realized Bakugo loved you as much as he did and was ready to protect you with his whole life, Aisawa’s walls did melt - slightly

----------------------------- 

(RULES  | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))

[amjustagirl]

I'm freaking out right now (but this is mainly because I haven't been paying attention sorry ddgsadhksadhashd). I thought castles in the air and love knows not its depth were not related so imagine how dumbfounded I was when I read the part where Kuroo is telling his kids how he met their mother (and I just finished reading Chapter 1 of the fic). I had to stop myself from squealing or else I'm gonna wake my sister.

Now, this eureka moment makes me more interested in what's going to happen in the fic because the reader was introduced as a head-strong woman, capable of being independent and Kuroo is Kuroo shdkashd.

On the other side, LKNID gave me frustrations and realizations on how most mothers take all the weight of being a wife, mother, and career woman. And that in a patriarchal society, women are mostly given only two options - to be a full-time housewife or to juggle the responsibilities women "signed up" for. Women as mothers are so overlooked that giving themselves a break is considered to some as "too selfish" when in fact, it should be done because it is what they deserve.

I love how you always bring awareness to double standards and the struggles women face on a day-to-day basis through your stories. Ate Nikki be really waving that women empowerment flag *blasts Beyonce's Who Run the World*

*giggles*

well...yes the open secret is castles in the air features the same reader as love knows not its depth so there are plenty of easter eggs abound for the first fic heh. of course love knows not its depth is set at least a decade and a half after castles in the air, and the reader's strength and independence is mellowed out by her family's demands so....anyhows im excited for you to see how the story progresses.

oh definitely. yknow sometimes im worried that maybe im a bit too obvious with my messages - how women are expected to bear it all, how we have to do twice as much as a man to get ahead, how we fall behind if we take care of our family - it's so very, very unfair. i wrote love knows not its depth with the experience of watching my mom struggle when juggling her job and her two daughters, and idk - i just wanted to write it for her and all the women out there who are struggling. it's absolutely okay to take a break, it's okay to put yourself first, and the world is wrong for placing it all on you.

[badfey]

is there anything u wish u had known pre-top surgery? I’m trying to schedule mine next yr and I’m worried I rushed into picking my surgeon even tho I looked at a Lot. I’ve got a list of questions to ask but curious if there’s anything you can think of! Thanks, if u get a chance to reply 🥺

firstly congrats and good luck with your top surgery, i hope the wait goes quickly!!

There were a lot of things i wasn’t expecting about top surgery - not necessarily that i wish i’d known in advance, just that i didn’t anticipate. I wrote a document of them not long after surgery which ill post soon and link back to here :) right now ill go through the main stuff i wish i had known, and any questions i had (under a cut because it got long)

Stuff I Wish I’d Known

Some of this depends on how your surgeon does things. I had 6 days before my post-op appointment w chest reveal. 

That first week is tough. Ymmv, but for me it was really hard. I knew that post-op depression was a thing, i didn’t realise what it would feel like. For me it was a lot of being tired and not being able to sleep because of not being able to get comfortable (having to sleep elevated for a few days & pain), so getting more tired and bored but too fatigued to do anything in that classic frustrating cycle. Once i slept decently for the first time i felt human again (nytol is a lifesaver). It’s also tough bc ur sweaty n uncomfortable and u haven’t showered or taken off the post-op binder for a week, and with the dressings and swelling it doesn’t feel like its really happened yet? After chest reveal thats a lot easier

Sometimes moving around you’ll feel something like pull or pop and you get so so paranoid about pulling a stitch i seriously thought id pulled a stitch but its usually like the dressings adhesion or something, you don’t need to freak out. My best friend here was this uk trans fb group because i could search and find years of posts with ppl having the same problems, or ask and ppl would give advice and calm me down, so it’s good to join a community like that ready for if you inevitably get stressed about something (also good for post-op boredom)

You cant use your arms to move. Sounds obvious but like i never realised how much i reflexively rely on using arms to move sitting positions on a bed, and how you need to pay attention to override that impulse. 

Peeing after anesthetic is weirdly hard. It really helps if you practise consciously releasing the specific muscles to pee beforehand 

I was so hungry. I got fed sure (great food too) but i wish i had taken snacks. 

Questions to ask

Im gonna list some stuff that you may already know/have on your list but it might help fill any gaps :) 

When are your post-ops? Are they included in the surgery price? Mine were at 6 days (chest reveal) and 8 weeks (normally 6 weeks but my surgeon was on holiday lol) and both included in the price of surgery (which is standard for here i think). Its good to have rough timeframes in advance so you can plan around it.

Ask about revisions - are they included in the price, what is the timeframe you can get revisions for, how you would start the revision process if you need it? Hopefully you won’t need it but its important to know just in case & so you don’t need to worry about it. I think my surgeon got a bit touchy when I brought up revisions but i was just clear that if I’m getting this surgery and paying a lot of money for it i need to know this stuff in advance which as a professional he should be fine with.

Can you have a say in scar shape and/or nipple size? Usually you can, and this is often at the pre-op when they draw all over your chest before surgery. Don’t feel like you can't weigh in - this is your chest. Also even at consultation they might be able to give you an idea of what your scar/s will look like. 

If you’re getting nipple grafts, ask about their graft success rate!! I was super stressed about my nipples falling off, but my surgeon said that even though stats say about 10% of nipple grafts r unsuccessful, in practise he sees a much smaller percentage than that, and even ones that do reject often grow back (lmk if u wanna know more what i mean) or can just be easily touched up with tattooing. Also if theres anything they recommend for graft success.

Does your surgeon recommend using arnica? Arnica is a homeopathic remedy for bruising, swelling, and wound healing. There’s differing views on whether it actually works, but in my case i took arnica tablets 1 week before and 2 weeks post-op and i think it really helped. They also tasted nice. Some people use arnica gel to aid healing once you can start massaging. 

Where will you be for overnight recovery? Will you be on a ward or in a room? Do you have access to a TV? Do you have access to a plug socket or charging point? Do you get wifi? Chances are you’ll be bored at some point over the time you’re in there, especially if you struggle sleeping. It’s good to know whats available in advance so you can come with things to keep you entertained. 

Does your surgeon use drains? You probably already know/have an idea of this bc its something a lot of ppl consider when choosing surgeons, buts its good to know if you don’t. Also, it can change - I chose my surgeon partially because he only uses overnight drains so you don’t have to deal with them in recovery. When i was there i found out he has stopped using drains altogether for smaller guys so i never actually had them (pleasant surprise). 

Does your surgeon want you to wear a post-op binder? Do they supply the binder? Post-op binders r a good idea they stop swelling soo much, so even if your surgeon doesn’t recommend it i’d definitely ask if it’d be safe for you to wear one. You can't wear regular binders. If you’re sourcing your own, again trans groups r great bc they can give local recs and lots of people sell/pass on their old ones. I am happy to give anyone recs, but they’re all uk based. 

How will you communicate with nurses post-op? Most people don’t live too near their top surgeon, so you’ll probably check-up remotely. I just sent nurses emails of my nips and incisions and anything i was worried about the healing of and they’d let me know if it looked okay. 

If you have any conditions/disabilities/illnesses, ask if they’ve ever operated on someone with them/similar before. I have fibro + hypermobility and tbh it was reassuring to hear him talk about experiences other patients with chronic pain had had before and how they coped.

Okay sorry that was really long, but its pretty much everything i could think of question wise! I hope it helps! Let me know if there’s any other questions you have at all :)

[plutowrites]

AHHH PLUTO okok I’m definitely requesting something from my mf baby 😤❣️

Okok we already know who I’m picking this with... but to be safe Levi LMAO

My pronouns are she/they so she is fine 🤠❣️

OKOK for starters I’m an INFP ! Personality wise with people I don’t know very well they do say I’m a little blunt and I come off harsher than I mean to and I have a very dominant personality, like I’m not at all afraid to call shit out if I see it and be honest with people! But I also think I’m a very kind and devoted person! With my friends and people I talk to though I’m very loud and I feel like I can be a lot sometimes LMAO, I’m just a loud goofy person :)

I’m also very awkward though like “🧍🏻‍♀️”at its finest in social situations that aren’t with work, I’m not very good at reading social queues which is probably why I’m very blunt a lot of the time and harsh on accident cause I don’t mean to be!! I’m just talking!!

I think I’m pretty funny too 🤓

Generally people either think I’m v sweet or mean and idk where that puts me LMAO

Hobbies 🥸 this is so hard always pls but I like artsy stuff -we know this- and I really like the outdoors!! Camping??? Yeah sign me tf up ! I MF LOVE ROADTRIPS I love every part!! The long drives and the scenery and the hotel and the stupid souvenirs it’s just ugh I love it :)

Looks; ok now listen, I am 5’9” and like a half,,, I know Levi is like 5’3 on a good day but IDC‼️I love my lil shorty❣️❣️For looks idk what else to say besides the fact that body wise i’d say I’m like curvy but I have kind of muscular/thick thighs from when I did rugby -that I am a teensy bit insecure about- and that’s just kind of how I’ve always been built man 🧍🏻‍♀️ features wise I have curly black hair and brown eyes and uhhh a beauty mark right by my lip like a Marilyn Monroe one idk what else to say face wise LMAO 😶

Ok I WONT put smoothie as my fav dessert cause apparently that don’t count 🙄✋🏼‼️ so it’d have to be like strawberry anything 🤓❣️ besides ice cream 😶 like strawberry cheesecake! That’s good there we go :)

OK I HOPE THIS WASNT TOO MUCH I LOVE YOU PLUTO PLS IM SO EXCITED

HI LOVE I kinda went off bc you gave me so much to work with ❤️🥺 and while i was writing everything i was like damn...im starting to have feelings for bunny too LMAOO

ANYWAYSS i hope you enjoy 😘

Random Headcanons

Levi and you started dating because all your mutual friends were pushing you guys together and it got to the point where the two of you were so frustrated and were all like fine, LET’S JUST DATE

But then he started to really make you feel ushy gushy feelings…..and you started to make him feel such strong and intense emotions

Whenever the two of you hung out he would bring you snacks that he saw you eating (and enjoying) before. Like y’all will go on a hike and he’ll pull out gummies from his pocket or a random ass drink for you

“Where did that come from?”

“Just take it idiot.”

“Are you sure?”

“I brought it for you.”

 He’ll get so shy then after realizing what he said and he vows to himself to never be soft like that again but then he can’t help it when he’s around you. Poor bby just wants to make you so happy.

He loves listening to you talk and it doesn’t matter what you talk about, he just loves listening to you go on and on ESPECIALLY if it’s something that makes you excited 

You just do something to him when he sees your eyes go all wide and you start to use your hands to speak and he’s freaking out in the inside bc he thinks you’re so perfect but on the outside he looks so nonchalant as he drinking his fourth cup of tea of the day

He’s gonna look forward to your stories, and he especially loves your work ones except when ppl are making your job hard for you

He gets all annoyed that he can’t be there to tell them to fuck off 

I know you said your thighs were a bit of an insecurity for you but if you let Levi find out he’ll make sure you know he loves them and you’re perfect just the way you are

One of his favourite things to do is just lay down on them, head in your lap and he gets to just look up at you and be at peace

He doesn’t communicate his feelings 24/7, he would much rather show you how much he adores you

I feel like he’ll love to give you massages? The two of you will be watching a movie together and he’ll pull your feet onto his lap and just rubs them, or he’ll grab your hand and massage them for you

OUU you’ll be like ugh my hands are kinda dry and he’ll be like bet and leaves the room then comes back with lotion and rubs it on for you 

“I can do that myself, ya know?”

“Tch. Why do it when I can do it, brat?”

OMG you guys watch shows together and he would be so HURT if you watch an episode without him

He’ll come back home from work and see you watching the latest episode and his face will fall and he’ll just retreat back to the room without speaking to you LMAO

You have to promise to never do it again and give him lots of kisses. He’ll act super annoyed but he would forgive you in the first 5 seconds

GIRL he’s gonna love playing with your hair, he is lowkey (highkey) OBSESSED with touching your curls

Tries to do this at night though so he doesn’t ruin your hair for the day

Omg i’m writing a lot AHH 

Levi loves how easy it is to be around you and how effortless it is to love you

He’s not into the theatrics and he hates unnecessary drama so when he’s able to find someone he can be 100% himself around without worrying about rubbing them the wrong way with his personality...he’s so hooked

He appreciates your bluntness! He doesn’t like when people beat around the bush, he prefers someone who is always honest even if it comes off harsh! He’s the same exact way!

HE simply adores your beauty mark, you’ll just catch him sometimes looking at it (and your lips ofc) he thinks it super adorable but he also won’t be super obvious about it

He hates how much money you spend on iced coffees, he always wonders why you can’t make it at home like how he makes his tea at home

You’ll walk through the door and he sees a cup in your hands

“Didn’t I buy you an iced coffee this morning? You still haven’t finished it?”

“No, this is another one.”

“You’re 90% iced coffee at this fucking point.” 

One day he gets so fed up and he just buys all the ingredients to make your iced coffee at home and I’m not talking about him getting some basic instant coffee and some creamer, this man is ordering all the flavours you like

You like hazelnut syrup? He got it. Caramel? He ordered it. You like sweet cream cold foam on top? He bought a milk frother.

He’ll tell you he regrets it later on bc of how much space everything takes up

“Our kitchen turned into a shitty ass starbucks” 

He doesn’t actually regret it tho, he knows how much you love it and that’s enough to make him feel satisfied 

How Levi asks you to be his valentine

This man just straight up texts you! (see image below)

PLS Levi acts so hard but in reality he is so soft for you

After he presses send he constantly checks for your reply

Jumping to his phone when he feels a vibration in his pocket and then gets disappointed when it’s not you texting him back

How Levi spends Valentine’s day with you

For the valentine’s day itself he plans a road trip for the two of you and even though the destination is breathtaking and gorgeous, you can’t help but to think the best part was the journey

[catboymingi]

hurting - in this life and the next chap. 7

navi/masterlist

story masterlist

pairing: mingi x reader

genre: angst, a little bit of fluff; soulmates & reincarnation au

word count: 3.9k

warnings: dissociation resulting in some self harming behaviour (reader doesn’t realise she’s getting hurt - she’s not hurting on purpose), dealing with grief, insecurities

the realisation that someone wants your happiness more than their own can be a painful one

instead of doing anything yet, mingi decided to sleep. he wouldn’t be able to do anything right now anyway, since you were asleep, and maybe yunho had come up with a solution the next day. but it was hard, falling asleep, even though you were in his arms, because he had no idea if he should tell you about it or not. he didn’t want to make you feel like he only cared about that, about being soulmates, but he also cared about that - how could he not? it by far wasn’t his main reason for liking you, but he couldn’t deny that it did affect him. and even though he’d told you that yunho liked you, too, earlier, that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt for him to think that you might choose his best friend over him, even though he deserved it. he was just anxious, overthinking, or maybe thinking just the right amount, and that made it hard to sleep.

though he did fall asleep, eventually, because he was with you right now and he was your friend and that thought calmed him down enough to enter the land of dreams.

//

of course you noticed that something was odd with mingi the next day, and you brought it up, but he told you that he just felt a little weird being like this with you, even when you were just friends, when he was still mourning. he also told you that he was worried about you, about how you were feeling, and spent another one or two hours with you before leaving to make sure you’d know he did care about you and your wellbeing. then he left, still seeming awkward, uncertain and anxious, and you texted yunho, who was still texting mingi and trying to come up with what to do, though you didn’t know that.

[y/n]: ask mingi to come over, i dont think hes okay rn

and yunho knew, of course he knew that mingi was far from okay, so of course he would do that.

[yunho]: will do. ill update you once i know more, okay?

he didn’t want to snitch on his friend, he didn’t want to do anything hasty, he wanted to find a solution with mingi before any decisions were made. but he also didn’t want you to worry too much, so this seemed like a good compromise. he just hoped they’d actually find a solution, because this situation wasn’t exactly an easy one.

but because you had no idea what was going on you just waited, though it lasted for exactly ten minutes before you got tired of it and too anxious to sit still and you went to the shelter, hoping to calm down a little. there you stayed for several hours, until mingi messaged you, asking where you were and if he could come over, saying he was feeling better now and apologising for his odd behaviour that morning.

and because you were too soft for him you immediately agreed, waiting at the shelter until he came over to spend time with you.

//

yunho had asked him to come over, and of course he would. he really wanted to know what to do, he wanted to know how to handle things, he wanted to not fuck up. he wanted to do things right this time, he didn’t want to lose you again.

“hey”, the blond said as he opened the door for mingi, who moved into the flat wordlessly, throwing himself on the sofa with a loud groan.

“i take you still haven’t told her?”, which made the groan louder and had his friend cover his face with his hands.

“i just don’t know if i should”, he almost whined out, so incredibly unsure about everything right now. he wanted to be with you, but he was scared that if he’d tell you about this latest development you’d think he only cared about you for this soulmate business, something that wasn’t the case. while he hadn’t entirely forgotten about it it wasn’t his main motivation, his motivation was wanting to get to know you and getting to be with you and, in part, showing you that you weren’t just a poor copy of whoever you used to be, showing you that you were worth being cherished the way you were now. and because he knew that you wouldn’t let him, these next words left his mouth, something he’d thought more than he’d like to admit.

“i think you should tell her how you feel. it wouldn’t surprise me if she likes you, too, with the way the two of you are always talking. she trusts you, and i know you wouldn’t hurt her. maybe that’s better.”

“are you… trying to set us up?”, yunho asked, confused by the brunette’s words because this was the last thing he’d expected.

“that sounds horrible. i just want her to be happy, you know? and i know you wouldn’t let anyone make her sad, not even me.”

while that was true yunho wouldn’t do this to mingi, even if he did like you - something he’d noticed, but that he’d just accepted as unrequited feelings, because it was so obvious that his friend still meant so much to you.

“i mean, yeah, but you like her, don’t you? you could make her happy, too, just get your shit together first.”

mingi sighed loudly, a long, pained, resigned sigh.

“that’s the thing. she deserves better, don’t you think? better than someone that keeps fucking up because of his own baggage. i can’t promise i won’t hurt her again, and i don’t want to risk that.”

this was so thoughtful of mingi and it showed his friend that he really was trying his best, that he really did care about you, and that he’d even put his own happiness back if it would make you happier. and because he cared so much yunho couldn’t do it, wouldn’t even consider it; maybe if mingi had ignored your feelings and his concerns and just thrown himself in head first yunho wouldn’t have had these hesitations, but because the slightly shorter man cared so much he couldn’t do that. and he told mingi that.

“she doesn’t even like me that way. trust me, she doesn’t”, when mingi was about to protest, “she cares about you. she just wants you to care about her, too. why else would she still give you a chance, hm? if she didn’t care you’d long be blocked, because, in all honesty, you’d deserve it.”

“i guess”, another loud sigh. “but i won’t tell her, not yet, at least. i don’t want to hurt her”, laying down on his stomach on the (too short) couch, almost slamming his head into a pillow in frustration because he had absolutely zero idea what to do. because he wanted to be with you but didn’t know how to go about that. because life kept making things hard for you when they’d just gotten even a little easier.

“maybe you should still text her, though. she worries.”

“mh. i think i’ll go home, i need some time to think. see you, yunho. and thank you.”

and then he left, went home and showered and realised he didn’t want you to worry at all even if he still felt unsure about things, so he texted you, asking to meet up again now to show things were still okay.

//

mingi looked like he’d cried and tried to hide it when he arrived, hair slightly wet from a shower you assumed he’d taken before he got there, eyes no longer red but still slightly puffy. you had no idea what had happened, but all you could imagine was that he felt guilty because he’d told you he liked you even when it hadn’t been that long since his love had died, something you could understand. or maybe he was overwhelmed with his emotions, something you could most definitely understand, as well. still, he tried to smile at you, coming over to where you were feeding the bunnies once he’d spotted you.

“hey”, obviously still not doing all too well, something you weren’t about to question him about, especially when he was trying to smile at you anyway.

“hey”, smiling back at him, moving your attention back to the bunnies soon after so he wouldn't feel like you were staring.

“again, sorry for acting weird, i was just… feeling weird”, an awkward laugh at his lack of eloquence, but you didn’t mind at all.

“don’t worry about it.”

you knew telling someone not to worry didn’t exactly make them worry less, but it was all you could do right now, telling him that it wasn’t a big deal and trying to act as you always did around him. or, always since you started talking again.

you’d spent about an hour with mingi and he had finally relaxed when your phone buzzed with messages from yunho, several at once, something that worried you a little because the brunette was here with you right now, so you didn’t at all know what yunho could possibly be double texting about. after checking that you had the time to read and reply right now, that there were no animals running around, you unlocked your phone, clicking on the notification in order to find out what was going on.

you hadn’t expected the messages you got, though. when you read them it quickly became very obvious that yunho had no idea that mingi was with you right now, and it seemed pretty obvious that mingi had no idea about what his friend was revealing, either.

[yunho]: i know mingi hasnt told you, but your soulmate mark is gone

[yunho]: dont freak out, its fine, he isnt planning anything

[yunho]: thats why im texting, actually

[yunho]: he told me to get with you, told me that he knows i like you and that you might like me and that even if it means hes not w you at least youre happy

[yunho]: i think hes really changed from when he fucked up, hes learned, and he wants you to be happy more than anything

[yunho]: so while i do like you, i think hes good for you. i think hed make you happy. i know you still like him, and he obviously likes you, enough to try to set you up w me

[yunho]: just thought id let you know

you looked at the phone in shock, unsure what to make of this, unsure what to make of not one but two confessions in the same message, unsure what to make of all the information you’d just gotten, and you almost dropped the little device, completely out of it.

“y/n?”

the man that apparently was really, actually your soulmate seemed worried by your reaction to the messages, and when you showed him the screen he understood what had happened. he didn’t know what to say either, though, but he knew you’d have to tell yunho something, at least, shouldn’t leave him on read.

“please message him back, okay? or i can do it. and then we’ll talk, but he’ll worry if you don’t say anything.”

you nodded, still only half there, and typed up a small message.

[y/n]: mingi is here rn. well talk about it now. thank you

then you locked your phone, staring at the now black screen, completely in shock. you hadn’t even thought about it. you hadn’t even thought about the whole soulmate thing when mingi had held you, or when he’d kissed your head. all you’d thought about was how you wished someone would care about you, really, deeply care, and now you’d gotten that in one of the worst ways you could imagine, because your best friend whom you’d not see as more than a best friend had apparently confessed just like this, and the man you did like seemed to want to set you up with said best friend because he cared about you so much. everything seemed to be going wrong and you had no idea what to do and you felt yourself slowly slip away, something you’d noticed you did when you were stressed, leaving reality so you would first have to deal with things when they’d settled in logically, removing the stress of having to deal with them logically and emotionally simultaneously.

“y/n?”, mingi asked again, looking at you with worry apparent in his eyes but that you missed anyway because you were staring into nothing.

“i’ll bring you home, okay?”, he told you when you didn’t react, and then: “can you tell me your address again? or i’ll take you to my place if you can’t.”

you couldn’t, so he brought you to his place as he’d said, trying carefully to prevent you from getting hurt on the way because it still seemed like you weren’t fully present. he had his arm around your waist the entire time, guiding you, and then you entered that place again, the place that had been your home and refuge for a few weeks and that now looked so different but still the same. it looked… inhabited, maybe, and you tried to focus on all the small details that had changed as he took off his jacket and shoes and you mechanically did the same. then he led you to his room, their room, carefully sitting you down on the bed to figure out what would be best to do right now, whether he should talk or wait until you were more present. he decided to wait, you could tell from how he was looking at you, wait for your next action or reaction.

your next action was looking around; this was the first time you’d ever seen his bedroom, and you’d immediately noticed the picture on the bedside table when mingi had sat you down on his bed, focusing on him and her, taking in all the details to bring you back to reality at least somewhat.

“she’s pretty”, you said once you were kind of there again, and “she was” the man replied, looking at the picture with a mixture of fondness and pain on his face. it kind of hurt, knowing you’d never be as pretty, feeling guilty for worrying about having to compete with a dead person, but she looked ethereal, she looked at mingi with such happiness and he looked at her with an expression you knew he’d never have on his face when looking at you. you were nothing compared to her, you were a mess, you were ugly with your piercings and your hair and your messy, weak body that was still dealing with the effects of apparently having been bed-bound for ages, even if you couldn’t remember, and you didn’t fit with him. you didn’t fit with anyone like him.

“i want to sleep”, even though it was maybe five or six in the afternoon, but you didn’t want to have to deal with your emotions right now and sleeping helped. maybe you were his soulmate, but you were a second choice, not just for him but for fate, too, you weren’t enough and you’d never be the one he wanted. and if you didn’t sleep soon you’d be sobbing in his arms again, something you most definitely didn’t want.

“i want to shower”, you then changed your mind, wanting to cry and knowing that if you stayed quiet you could do so in the shower and he’d never know.

he just nodded, getting out a towel for you and some of his clothes - neither you nor he would want you to wear her clothes -, then brought you to the bathroom, asking you to please not lock because he was still somewhat worried. that was fine with you because you didn’t expect him to come in, anyway, because what was there to see? you weren’t pretty, you weren’t attractive, you weren’t hot. you were a stick and you were a mess and you looked sickly even though you were starting to build up muscle, and nothing of that would ever be something he’d want to see naked. so you closed the door and undressed, the light turned off as soon as mingi was gone, unable to stand looking at yourself naked, too. you hadn’t even known that you had these insecurities until you saw how beautiful she was and how horrendous you looked in comparison, and the first sob escaped your lips as soon as the water was turned on enough to swallow it.

//

you’d been in the shower for thirty minutes now, and at this point he worried. you’d reacted when he knocked at the twenty minutes mark, so he knew you were still alive, but you hadn’t been doing well when you went in, and when he knocked again and he just heard you whimper he went in.

as soon as he opened the door he was greeted by hot steam coming out, and he could barely see because it was so steamy in there, the air hot and humid. it cleared a little now fresh, colder air was coming in, and he made his way to the shower after turning on the light - why was it turned off in the first place? -, pulling back the curtain because he heard you sob and because the water had to be really hot for the room to be in this state and he worried, he did.

and there you were, skin bright red, the water burning you and you just sitting on the floor and crying.

“y/n”, he almost yelled, shocked and scared, and turned off the water, getting slightly burnt on the tap and from the few drops falling onto his skin even as he tried to avoid the water. then he kneeled down, pulling you to his arms carefully because he didn’t want to hurt you but he worried so much about your sorry state, and you just kept sobbing.

“why’d you do that, why’d you do that, why’s the water so hot”, he repeated, completely overwhelmed, you still sobbing in his arms, but trying to answer.

“i just wanted to feel something”, you told him, “it was so hot but i still didn’t feel anything. it’s not hot enough”, arm moving to turn the water back on, but he stopped you.

“no, no, we won’t do that, we won’t do that, angel”, stroking your head and his heart hurting at how red your skin was. he could only hope you didn’t actually get any burns.

“i want to feel something”, you repeated, and mingi was so overwhelmed, he didn’t know what to do, but he wanted to help.

“can i turn on the water, but cold? maybe that’ll help, maybe it will, but i can’t let you burn yourself.”

he was pleading, hoping you wouldn’t hurt yourself any more, hoping you’d let him take care of you, and when you nodded he felt relieved, making sure the water was at an acceptable temperature before turning it on, gently washing you with the cold water, hoping to prevent it from getting too bad, rubbing your naked body but not caring about the fact that you were naked, caring only about taking care of you even when his clothes were getting soaked.

“is this okay? how does it feel?”, gently rubbing your scalp with the cold water, then your neck and your back and your sides, carefully, trying not to hurt you any more than you’d inevitably be when your senses registered your surroundings again.

“it hurts”, and it seemed like you were starting to come back, the sobs getting more violent again now that you were able to feel your skin be so tight and aching and red from your stupid attempt at feeling something.

“i’m almost done, let me just make sure everything is a little soothed, let me take care of you, i’m almost done”, he tried to calm you down as he rubbed your legs with the cold water again, finally turning the water off and getting up, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around you before he told you to turn around, stripping himself of his wet clothes quickly, drying himself just enough to not soak his new clothes as he put on the pants he’d picked out for you before he told you that he’d put his shirt on you now, asking you to lift your arms if you could so he could do that.

you looked so small and hurt in his massive clothes, you made him want to protect you, and at least for the night he would.

“do you want to go to bed? let’s go to bed, angel”, he told you like he was talking to a child, but it kind of felt like he was. he could tell moving hurt and it made his heart hurt all the more, wanting nothing more than to take at least some of your pain, just enough for you to not be crying out like this because you didn’t want to do anything anymore.

laying down hurt, too, he could tell from how you flinched, and he tried very carefully to not make the bed move too much as he laid down next to you. you were laying on his side, he was laying on what used to be hers, and for a moment he felt a pang in his chest, but now his focus was on you, on trying to make sure that you’d be okay.

“it’s time to sleep. i’m here and if it gets too bad, wake me up. i promise i’ll be here.”

if being alive hadn’t hurt so much you would’ve thanked him, but now you just closed your eyes, and mingi watched your form almost vanish underneath the blankets he’d put on you, hoping that the next morning you’d be okay.

//

you woke up around one am, as the little clock on the night table told you, with your body hurting and your heart hurting even more. you wanted to be held, to be protected, you wanted to be taken care of.

“mingi”, you whimpered, hoping he’d wake up, “mingi, mingi.”

he shuffled, though you couldn’t tell if he was awake or not, so you continued whimpering, until you felt him sit up, and shortly after you heard his panicked voice.

“what’s wrong? what’s wrong, what’s wrong, are you okay?”

he sounded so scared that you felt bad, whimpering even more because everything was horrible and everything hurt.

“y/n, are you okay? do we need to go to the hospital?”, and although you couldn’t see him he was scanning your body - or, as much of it as he could see - for burns or any other clear signs of you needing immediate medical attention.

“no, i just… hug me, please”, you pleaded, him immediately complying even though he hadn’t expected this to be what you needed right now, especially not when you flinched in his embrace, but when he loosened his embrace and was about to move back you grabbed his hand, whimpering again, not wanting him to let go even if it hurt.

“is it okay? i don’t want to hurt you”, he told you with a soft voice, but he moved back closer towards you, trying hard to not move you as he came to lay as close as possible to you, one arm around you and the other above his head so that that one wouldn’t hurt you.

“don’t go”, you cried, his hold around you tightening slightly in reaction.

“i won’t go. i’ll take care of you, angel, i’ll take care of you”, he repeated against you, over and over, and you fell asleep to his promise.

[rainingspellforlove]

shouldn’t have

hi im back with another fic >< but it’s eunhae’s uwu. read this while listening to raining spell for love to experience more angst ;;-;; enjoy my first eunhae’s  fic and my first angst fic! 

listen to raining spell for love : 

https://open.spotify.com/track/7j4r8X575ZnyWk0jkukNp7?si=irOj7OmgRFynzGCaL754dg

It's been so wrong. Hyukjae always feels it so wrong. But he did loving him. He's already falling deep. But now it cant be anymore. This is impossible. He shouldn’t have loved him from the start. He knew he's always been wrong for having this feeling. He knew  it will  break himself someday. He knew he will be in this state of the worst heartbreak ever. But how can he (un)love this angel? He had already fallen. Fallen for him too deep.The fact he's been in love for his one and only best friend is already hurting. The one who's been always with him from his early days until now.   But now, he's shattered. 

Hyukjae and donghae still been friends till now. 20 years old friendship. They had been known each other since their middle school days. it’s been so long. They went through a lot till today. They overcome all of their problems together and they depend on each other a lot. Everyone will say they have their unique friendship. They always been so close and too many things that only of them understand. They’re just too close. They had many similarities in their own way. People said that it’s too much similarities for them to have and their chemistry is so unbelievably amazing. It’s like they are naturally meant for each other. Just like a pair of shoes. 

It’s so natural and a common thing to say they always crash at each other’s houses. That was before eunhyuk moved back to the dorm. back then donghae always comes to eunhyuk’s apartment almost everyday. and vice versa. but it mostly donghae who asked to come or donghae just comes to eunhyuk’s without notice. They always been like this. Donghae who likes skinships a lot while eunhyuk just lets donghae do whatever to him. Maybe some people will think that their moments are just fanservice but thats just how they are. they’re just being the way they are. 

They always rely on each other a lot actually. They almost didnt keep a secret between each other. they knew each other too well more than any other members. They even knew each other’s individual schedule or events. like who who will eunhyuk meet after this, or what will donghae do tomorrow, those kind of stuffs. every lil things they did, they always knew for each other. they are just unbelievably close. 

But who knows, one of them is really falling. It’s too much for him to receive these affections alone. He always keeps it cool but deep inside he might explode. It's already long enough for hyukjae to love him since then. The way he keeps hiding his feelings for himself. Not telling anyone about it. Imagine hiding this stupid feeling alone for the closest person  in this fucking world. He did suffering for himself. He always keeps it for himself. He didnt want to ruin this freaking long friendship just because of this dumb feeling. Donghae loves skinships so much. Like soooo much. He always touchs hyukjae unconsciously. At first, hyukjae always gets used to it when donghae did sudden hugs or held his hand. He already gets used to it. it’s been 20 years ofcourse he must get used to it. Donghae is indeed a clingy person so he always clings into hyukjae unconsciously like a habit. That’s a problem actually. Hyukjae actually didnt mind it at all when donghae being such a clingy ass but sometimes he cant handle that. 

Actually there’s one time he cant handle it. That time when they did a comeback for D&E, they did a blueroom live. Then they talked about their nicknames for each other. When they talked abt donghae’s nickname “haeknojam” then donghae starts to kiss hyukjae’s hand suddenly while laughing like an idiot  and he did it twice! in a fucking live broadcast. Hyukjae always keeps his cool and just lets donghae did it. he just said “Aniyoo” for times responding to donghae. That time actually, his heart almost explode. He thought why he did these in a live broadcast. and why did he kiss hyukjae’s hand?  hyukjae still cant figure it why he did it. that time after filming, donghae just acts like nothing happened. but hyukjae deep inside was flustered as hell but of course he acts like usual. Being playful and stuffs. Donghae just being himself too, being random and stuffs. Donghae always like this. It’s just hyukjae who’s been dazed and confused all the time. That time hyukjae tried so hard to calm his self down by jumping and dancing all the time. When donghae comes to ask,

“Hyukjae-ya, why are you practicing at this time, our schedule just ended right?”

“O-Oh i just wanna get myself sweaty,, i feel like my body stiffen, so yeah i keep practicing”

“Yeokshi uri d&e leader. dont push yourself too hard. promise me you will rest after this, okay?” he handed hyukjae a towel and  circling it into his neck while then keep wiping his sweat in hyukjae’s cheeks with that towel

“u-uhm of course. thanks”

“youre welcome always, my E oppa~~ chat me when you arrive at the dorm okay? lets go home” replied him while smiling 

“okay i will...”  

then donghae went to the car and went home. hyukjae feels his knees are gone then he sat on the floor.

“why he keeps confusing me...... sigh”

day after day of their promotions went well. At the end of the promotions, donghae was not like his usual self. It’s not he completely different person but he’s less clingy. and he often checks his phone and sometimes smiling while looking at his phone. Hyukjae thought maybe donghae looked at some funny things on his insta but thats just weird because he’s being too often looking at the phone. then he often picks up his phone outside it’s like he hides something from hyukjae. It’s not usual for him to do that. He always picks up his calls in front of hyukjae but not right now. It’s been weeks he did that, but actually hyukjae didnt care at all. Maybe he had something that is really his privacy. so he didnt think about it too much. But, day by day passed and it’s been 1 month already. He still being like that. When hyukjae came to his apartment, actually donghae asked him to come but donghae keeps being on the phone.  It’s not the real hyukjae if  he hadnt been curious. He was curious as hell. At first he keeps resisting himself not to be curious but maybe he cant after all. When hyukjae prepared the food he bought for donghae, donghae suddenly put his phone and went to shower. Hyukjae hesitated at first but he didnt care so he went quick to the table and looked at donghae’s phone. He enters the passwords (actually he knew it because donghae already told him when they went to a drive together, donghae cant open the phone because he focused on driving so he asked hyukjae to reply his mother’s message) and checked his kakao and insta. then he found one person other than him and his family in his pinned chats in his kakao. Then he opened the messages. 

Hyukjae never been so speechless before, it’s the first time. It turned out that person is donghae’s lover. He looked at those sweet messages and actually this saturday is their 3 months. they talked about how they can meet at saturday. it’s not just how his heart breaks in pieces. the fact he didnt tell him about it at all. and it’s been 3 months. how... hyukjae thought maybe if donghae told him, he can be prepared at anytime... 

“i thought we keep no secrets... but this is actually my fault too. i did have secret. so i deserved this.”

“but it hurts like hell what the fuck....” then hyukjae put donghae’s phone back to its place.  and tears keep falling without hyukjae realized himself. then he took his bag and left the food prepared for donghae. He left the house and cried on the way to the dorm. Hyukjae left a message to donghae via kakao.

Donghae who came out the bathroom after showering, becomes flustered. 

“Hyukjae ya, how’s the food is it good?”

no answer,,

“Hyukjae, where-” 

then he got notif from hyukjae 

“sorry i left first, i have something to do. I already prepared the tteokbokki. Have a good meal”

Donghae was so confused but he ate the tteokbokki anyway. he still didnt feel something strange..

few days after that, super junior have a schedule together for an interview. It’s so obvious that hyukjae tried so hard to avoid donghae at all cost. He distants himself from donghae and avoid donghae’s affections. He tries to keep it cool and still jokes around to the members. but he only avoids donghae. when donghae tries to talk to hyukjae after the interview ends, hyukjae keeps telling him he must go home. then donghae holds hyukjae’s hand

“Lee hyukjae, whats wrong with you? you’re obviously avoiding me? did i do something wrong?”

“N-no at all. you’re just touching me too much.”

“but i always did these to you,and you’re okay with that”

“yes but right now it’s not. okay good bye i must go right now. let go”

“just tell me why... please...”

“you didnt need to know”

then hyukjae pulls his hand harder and finally donghae let him go. donghae becomes frustrated himself. 

Leeteuk who saw this on the back feels there’s something wrong with these two... 

Hyukjae becomes so distant from donghae day by day, but no one notices it. it’s just donghae who feels something wrong but hyukjae will never tell him why. the members didnt feel it weird either because the atmosphere while being together as full members still feel lively. It didnt sound wrong at all. but only leeteuk who feels something weird. leeteuk who sees them quietly when in a dressing room, donghae didnt talk to hyukjae at all. hyukjae too, he didnt intend to talk to donghae at all. hyukjae always talks to kyuhyun or yesung in their leisure time. and donghae who hangs out with siwon all the time. it feels natural. but it feels weird too. then leeteuk asks donghae to come outside...

“Hey whats wrong?” leeteuk asks

“Me? im fine? why hyung asks that?”

“hyukjae. seems like you both not in a good terms recently”

“oh that. i dont know either” 

“ask him then what you did wrong”

“i have. but he said i didnt need to know?! he’s weird as fuck. how can i know what i did wrong while he’s being childish like that”

“hmmm, maybe you hide something and he did feeling betrayed or stuff? it may happen. those things always happen right for us”

“ah... maybe i know.....” 

then donghae rushed to hyukjae. 

“we need to talk”

“there’s nothing to talk about”

“hyukjae please.” 

“let me go”

“lee hyukjae... please”

“fine. i’ll give you 5 minutes”

“you saw my phone right?”

“thats- yeah i didnt mean to but yes i saw that you actually had a lover”

“thats why you’re mad?”

“yes? ofcourse? i feel betrayed you didnt tell me at all. i thought we’re close enough to tell about those kinda stuffs” (actually there’s not the only reason donghaeya.....)

“im about to tell you that night actually.. sorry for not telling you, im afraid that youre uncomfortable with this... pls forgive me okay”

“i-im okay for those kinda stuffs. im happy for u bro actually. but it’s just i feel sad you didnt tell me..”

“ so you forgive me?”

“hm maybe?” hyukjae still feels uncomfortable with this, its like he didnt want to see this fucking handsome angelic face in front of him anymore

then donghae becomes so happy and hugs him rightaway. hyukjae quickly tries to let go of him. 

“alright alright, let me go. lets just go home okay” donghae smiled happily after he heard he already been forgiven. but hyukjae still pretending. he pretends that it’s all okay for donghae for having a lover. but he’s not okay at all.

hyukjae forgives him but he cant face him actually and pretends to be fine all the time. everytime he meets donghae, he just feels uncomfortable. it didnt feel the same. hyukjae cant see him the same as before. hyukjae still keeps his cool and lets donghae did his skinships to him freely but deeply inside he is hurting. one day, he went to the building’s rooftop to get some fresh air in the middle of their schedule. Leeteuk suddenly comes to him.

“hyukjae ya....”

“oh whats wrong hyung?”

leeteuk doesnt say a word but immediately hugs him and pats his hair.

“i know it’s been hard”

hyukjae is flustered why he did this...

“hard? what do you mean hyung? hahaha”

“you loved him, am i right?”

“him?”

“eish stop pretending to be fine. i knew you two fights few days ago then you told him it was because he didnt tell you about his lover, it’s not the only reason right?”

“so you knew......”

“jtub told me that donghae already had a lover, donghae didnt tell me at first haha then he admitted it himself after then.”

“oh right.”

“what will you do then after this?”

“i dont know.. i cant keep pretending all the time. it hurts me to see his face it’s like i wanna punch him”

“even you loved him you want to punch him? lol”

“yes i hate that idiot smile of his until i want to-”

“kiss him so bad?”

“HYUNG”

“okay okay hahaha im kidding”

“but... sometimes i think of that too but ofcourse i wont do it” 

“he kissed your hand in a live broadcast why wont you?”

“no way i would kiss him first. its just me who had this feeling. he never feel the same, he just likes to play with me. its confusing”

then hyukjae silents for a bit

“hyung.. is it okay for me to go for a while? i kinda want to distract myself for  a while”

“its okay hyukjaeya. i respect all of your decisions as long as youre happy with it”

“ehm, it hurts so much seeing him these days. he keeps calling with his lover while there is me there in his house. thats fucking hurts. i cant do this anymore hyung. it’s like i wanna punch him for real. i hate having this feeling from the start.. i-i- *sobs*” hyukjae cried in leeteuk’s embraces. he cried so hard that time. 

“shussh shussh it’s okay hyukjae.. it’s a natural thing for us to fall in love. it’s not our fault to fall in love in the first place.”

“heuk- heuk- but i hate feeling this way. i hate myself” hyukjae still sobbing

after crying for so long, leeteuk’s shirt becomes so wet then leeteuk just laughs

“how can you hide those red eyes hahaha”

“right..... i dont know......”

“here i bring sunglasses lol just go home after this okay, so the members wont be suspicious haha”

“thank you so much hyung.... youre the best” 

“nah its always been my job to babysit all of you. so where would you go?”

“Japan. Maybe next week”

“okay, take care hyukjae. i will call you then”

then one day, hyukjae comes to his usual bar to hang out with donghae. but he comes alone. he feels like he wants to drink until he passed out for the last time before he goes to japan. then there’s jtub (donghae’s friend who is a composer too) who hangs out alone too. 

“Oh hyukjae, you come. Alone? where’s donghae?”

“nah i just feel like drinking alone”

“why?”

“i dont know i just want it”

then hyukjae really drinks a lot like A LOT. jtub tries to stop him but hyukjae insists he must drink more

“stop it or you will pass out here”

“i ddont fckin caree.. it issss m-my pplaaan annywway tto ssleep hhere until tomorrowww”

hyukjae lost it. he really lost it. he’s blabbering random sentences just now

“why.. wwhy sshould i llove that iddiot, i wanna kick hhis fckin handsome fface riight nnow,,,,, bastaard hhow you come to pplay wwith myy ffeelingg llike this,, itt hurtts sso mmuch i hhate yyou” then he sobs

“argghhhhhhh my head’‘ss sppinning” 

jtub didnt know who he was talking about but right now he needs to call someone to bring this idiot to come home

“hyukjae you need to come home.. i’ll call donghae”

“NOO DDONT CCALL THHAT BASTTARD” he tried to take jtub’s phone but it failed because he cant control himself because of the alcohol

“ah... so he’s heartbroken....... eish i didnt know that hyukjae is falling for his best friend.. eish let them finish this problem themselves i should back out”

“nno ddont him ppleasse, or i will kick hhis fucckin facce when hhe comess llater” then he sobs and passed out in the long table near the barista

few minutes later, donghae comes in a rush. 

“donghae ya here!” jtub calls

“oh my, what did you feed him huh?!?”

“wow slow man, he’s drinking and paying those bottles himself you know, i tried to stop him but he insisted to drink it until morning.”

“why’s he like this... he never been like this before...”

“you didnt know? why’s he like this? really?”

“uhm no, why? do you know?”

“try to figure it yourself then, its your problems anyway.”

“so he’s like this , because of me?!”

“spoiler : yes”

“oh man, why... okay then i’ll be going first” 

donghae tries to wake up hyukjae but still didnt get a respon. 

“Hyukjae-ya lets go home”

“ehmmm i want to sleep here”

“but it closes soon. you must go home. let me take you home eung?”

then hyukjae wakes up and see donghae  who’s ready to pick him up

“oh it’s lee donghae!” 

“yep it’s me. lets go home okay?”

“the way i wanna kick your face but i didnt have the strength right now, i’ll just kick you tomorrow”

“pardon? what?” donghae flustered and shocked

“right? it’s on you bro lol” jtub said

“okay okay lets just go home” donghae took hyukjae in his shoulders and caught him by the waist. then they both go to hyukjae’s dorm with donghae’s car

hyukjae falls asleep in the car. and keeps talkin in his sleep a bit

“lee donghae you bastard”

donghae is surprised and turns his head to passenger’s seat. 

“The fuck?!” 

then hyukjae sleeps again

“why’s he like this and why me?”

they finally arrived at hyukjae’s dorm and kyuhyun didnt come home so it’s just the two of them there. donghae hardly brings hyukjae to his room in his druk state. 

“im glad that you’re this tiny,  i can bring you home easily”

then donghae puts hyukjae to the bed and takes off his jacket, socks, and shoes. he wipes hyukjae’s forehead too with wet towel too.. hyukjae wakes up suddenly.

“stop being so kind to me” he stops donghae’s hand from wiping his forehead

“huh? why? im your closest friend it’s my job to take care of you idiot”

“i can take care of myself well. just go” hyukjae turns his head to the left side and puts the blanket covering his whole body. 

“why do you like this?”

“its not ur business”

“hyukjae ya... tell me whats wrong”

“Us. we cant be like this”

“why? you’re my closest friend-”

“We’re not supposed to be like this donghae ya. we must not”

hyukjae wakes up and turns into donghae. 

“We.... cant be like this donghaeya... we cant be....” hyukjae starts to cry

“hyukjae... why cant we... “

“why are you crying.. dont cry...“ donghae said again while carressing hyukjae’s tears with his thumb

“ *sobs* we- cant- be- like this... we just cant.....” hyukjae is still sobbing while talking

“tell me why, what should i do to stop you from crying please dont cry it hurts seeing you cry like this” donghae said softly 

“you.” 

“me? why?”

hyukjae still crying and doesnt want to answer.. 

“hyukjae tell me... please.. i dont wanna see you cry...”

hyukjae then holds donghae’s hand in his cheeks...

he looked at donghae’s eyes with those falling tears.. 

“you deserved to hate me forever.” 

hyukjae leaned in to donghae’s face and pressed a soft kiss into his lips. 

hyukjae pulls out and donghae is flustered and confused...

“h-hyukjae w-why-”

“leave me right now”

“b-but you have to tell-”

“leave or our friendship ends. leave please”

“hyukjae-ya.... “

“PLEASE LEAVE. *sobs* please...”

then donghae gets up from the bed and leaves hyukjae alone...

that’s it. that’s the end. hyukjae’s first love comes to an end. that angel is finally gone.... 

hyukjae cries in his bed so hard... the worst feeling ever. he hates himself more than anyone else. but he must end it. he must end this stupid feeling. the overflowing feelings he had for his best friend for years. he will stop loving him no matter what. 

“Thankyou for making me feel loved although actually it’s just me who feel that way... im happy... thankyou...” then he’s still crying for so long in the middle of the night

meanwhile donghae is feeling so flustered and mad. he didnt know why he’s mad. the fact his best friend cried because of him.. hyukjae’s eyes that told him everything. hyukjae’s puppy eyes that only shines everytime suddenly covered by the rain. the hard rain that falls because of him. he never knew. he never realized.. he didnt want to believe it. but it’s just feel so real. his tears falls in his cheek when hyukjae kissed him... he never feels the saddest kiss ever... it hurts so much. he didnt knoe either why it hurts so much. it feels like hyukjae will leave him for real... he cant imagine how his life would be without hyukjae.. it will never be the same.. 

donghae still feels confused.... he didnt know what to do after this... or tomorrow, or days after this.... he just didnt know what to do... 

the next day, hyukjae is already in the airport waiting for boarding to Tokyo. his eyes are completely red becuase of crying that night before.  He decides to go there to heal and repair himself. he just needs time alone for a while. he didnt know when he will be back to work as super junior. he’s already takin care of all of these with the company, and the company said yes. it’s up to him when will he decide to come back.... 

“hyukjae-ya, already at the airport?”

“eung hyung, there’s still 15 minutes before boarding”

“okay then, take care hyukjae... and one thing what if he asked me where you go?”

“hm, dont tell him hyung, just say that i want to spend my time alone.”

“fine i’ll do that. eish that insensitive bastard haha i’ll kick his face for you someday”

“nah hyung just let him be it’s my fault anyway for loving him in the first place. it’s never been his fault”

“aigu my precious dongsaeng already grown up”

“eish hyung your precious dongsaeng here is 34 years old”

“youre still a big baby to me anyway..”

“thankyou hyung. i’ll call you often when im in tokyo”

“yes sir!” 

“oh its time for boarding, im off hyung, bye bye!!”

“okay take care hyukjae ya, have a proper meals okay?”

“of courseee goodbye hyung”

hyukjae finally ends his phone call with leeteuk and walks in to the plane. finally he made up his mind and try to heal himself first.. he’s afraid that this feeling disrupt his works with him. so he must repair himself more to become a better person.. 

meanwhile donghae who didnt know anything at all,,

he worked out like crazy... he’s already working out since morning. and it’s already evening. he worked out and worked out.. he did everything in the gym. he’s like a mad person right now. he didnt pick up the calls from everyone.. even his lover too.. 

the instructors there feels worried because it’s not usual for donghae to act like this. then the instructors try to call jtub, donghae’s friend who’s been at the same gym with him. 

actually jtub is very busy right now so he cant go there to save that idiot friend from overworking his body. then jtub called leeteuk because leeteuk already said to him if donghae acts weird, he’s free to call him. 

leeteuk comes to donghae’s usual gym rightaway after finishing his schedule. 

“eomma ya. it’s already 7pm. and he’s been working out since 7 am?!?”asks him to the one of the instructors

“yes sir. he’s been like this since morning. we’re too scared to disturb him because he seems not in his right mind”

leeteuk walks in slowly to donghae. 

“donghae ya”

donghae still wont listen he still in his threadmill

“lee donghae please come down.”

“come on donghae you never been like this, you never disobeyed my orders. come on donghae please stop this. you makes yourself sick”

donghae finally stops the threadmill and come down. 

he falls rightaway in the floor. 

“donghae-ya are you okay? hey? donghaeya?”

“hyung... it’s my fault...” after that, donghae lost his consciousness

Donghae wakes up in his house with leeteuk who waits for him.

“Oh are you okay? do you hurt yourself?”

“no-no im okay hyung..” 

“eish why did you work out like that? you know it can kill you. what if i didnt come? who will take care of you? oh my god this kid. how old are you huh? youre fuckin 34 please grow up” leeteuk keeps nagging while wipes donghae’s forehead 

“sorry hyung...” 

“promise me you wont do this again oh god”

donghae just nods... then he suddenly remembers something

“i need to meet hyukjae.. i need-”

“stop he wont meet you”

“even he doesnt want to, i keep going to meet him”

“what would you say then? ask him for an apologize for something you didnt realize?”

“hyung... so you knew..”

“of course. just stop it. you wont ever meet him right now. you just cant”

“no hyung i must-”

“he’s leaving. he’s not in south korea.”

“what..... are you serious?”

“yes”

“where did he go? i can go right now”

“no you cant, just let him alone donghae ya. okay? please listen to me, he’s hurting. you never knew how he feels. because you never feels it. what do you want to say to him? anything that you would say, it wont heal him. because it’s on you. you’re the source of his broken state. he will overcome this someday. just wait okay?”

“but.... it hurts so much.. i dont know it just hurts so much seeing him cry.. seeing him so weak like that night. i really want to embrace him but he keep pushing me off, he keeps crying and crying.... his trembling voice when he tried to talk to me hurts me so much... he’s never showing this side of him for these time being.. i just didnt know what to do... it hurts so much seeing him in that state, i want to see him so fuckin much... i just- ” then he cant say anymore.. he’s loss at speech... he’s crying... 

“hyung... why im late to realize this.... why..... he’s already left what should i do.... im fuckin stupid... im so fucking dumb......” 

donghae cries in leeteuk’s shoulder.. leeteuk cant say anything... he just pats donghae’s back softly.. “just wait for him okay.... he’ll be okay..”

donghae still cant figure out why he’s also breaking.... he just feels that his heart is shattered knowing these situations at once.. 

confused, flustered, and mad. he’s mad at himself... 

“how can i never realize  in these time being?” 

part 1 end