#first my cat dies and now trump is back in power

[thedisablednaturalist]

Well there goes my job, goodbye epa. And my future.

[cappymightwrite]

What are your thoughts on Ned Stark ?

Hi!

I have conflicted feelings on Ned. Probably just below Stannis, he's the Westerosi man most in need of therapy, in my opinion. Actually, that's an interesting comparison — Ned and Stannis, which I know has been commented on before. They're alike in many ways, in terms of reserve etc., which makes the fact that Robert saw Ned as his true brother all the more painful to Stannis (though of course this is never explicitly stated). But anyway, back to Ned.

There's certain things I struggle with in regards to Ned, even though I understand the reasoning behind his actions, or rather, inaction. So, it makes thinking back on him in a wholly positive and fond light somewhat difficult, as I suppose it must be for Sansa in a way, as well as for Jon, once his parentage is revealed. I don't wholly dislike him though, I actually value him a lot, I just take issue with:

Him never apparently trusting Catelyn enough to be honest about Jon's parentage (+ the way he avoids telling Jon, to some extent)

No matter how loving they were... there is this unresolved (and now forever unresolved) barrier at the heart of their relationship, an unequal exchange of trust, which was within Ned's power to lift, to make fully mutual. But he didn't. Now, he had his reasons, self-sacrificing and seemingly honourable as they may appear, and certainly the narrative required this secret to be kept. But even so, in terms of how I regard his character? It rubs me the wrong way because he never gave her the opportunity to sympathise and fully understand him, he cut himself off from that. And yeah, maybe it might not have improved Jon's situation all that much, but he never gave Cat the opportunity to think of him differently, in a way that wasn't dictated by the social mores of their world:

It had taken her a fortnight to marshal her courage, but finally, in bed one night, Catelyn had asked her husband the truth of it, asked him to his face.

That was the only time in all their years that Ned had ever frightened her. "Never ask me about Jon," he said, cold as ice. "He is my blood, and that is all you need to know. And now I will learn where you heard that name, my lady." She had pledged to obey; she told him; and from that day on, the whispering had stopped, and Ashara Dayne's name was never heard in Winterfell again.

Whoever Jon's mother had been, Ned must have loved her fiercely, for nothing Catelyn said would persuade him to send the boy away. It was the one thing she could never forgive him. She had come to love her husband with all her heart, but she had never found it in her to love Jon. She might have overlooked a dozen bastards for Ned's sake, so long as they were out of sight. Jon was never out of sight, and as he grew, he looked more like Ned than any of the trueborn sons she bore him. Somehow that made it worse. – AGOT, Catelyn II

"It was the one thing she could never forgive him" — yeah, me too honey! Ok, sure, we don't know for sure if Cat might have "overlooked" Jon's uneasy place in their household "for Ned's sake", if she knew he was actually her nephew — the world would still believe him to be Ned's, so to outward appearances the awkwardness is still there. And yeah, we don't know if she could have "found it in her to love Jon", but the truth certainly would have made it far more likely! But Ned decided that it had to be this way, that only he could participate in carrying this secret. So, I hurt for Cat AND Jon really.

I get why he doesn't tell Jon the truth. I understand his warped logic, how the trauma of his past informs this sort of self-punishing mentality of I must keep this honourable promise made of love till the day I die even though to the outside world it will appear as a stain upon that very honour... and to punish myself further for failing Lyanna I will never unburden myself to anyone, this is my cross to bear alone. I understand that, it's very manpain-y. But the problem is... it doesn't just punish Ned, it punishes Cat and Jon, and his other children too! Because they are by no means blind to this elephant in the room of their parent's marriage, and it's hard to rationalise:

He looked at her uncomfortably. "My aunt Allyria says Lady Ashara and your father fell in love at Harrenhal—"

"That's not so. He loved my lady mother." – ASOS, Arya VIII

Your father loved your mother, but he also had a child with another woman, whose identity he would never talk about. Your father loved your mother, but his dedication to this secret ultimately trumped being fully honest and open with her. It's hard not to feel that Ned's present came second to making up for the "sins" of his past. This is why he desperately needed therapy, lol, because (to take a line from my Byronic Hero meta) Ned's "traumatic past informs his present life," and to the detriment of that present life and those present relationships as well. But hey, that's the tragedy.

Also, I think his whole I'll tell you the truth when I next see you to Jon is really sketchy, because when exactly might that be, Ned? An avoidance tactic if I ever saw one. But really, I don't think he'd be emotionally equipped to have that conversation anyway... he might have said he'd tell him someday, but deep down, I'm sure he hoped he may never have to. And then he conveniently dies, taking the secret with him (or so we think)!

Allowing the death of Lady

Bran's wolf had saved the boy's life, he thought dully. What was it that Jon had said when they found the pups in the snow? Your children were meant to have these pups, my lord. And he had killed Sansa's, and for what? Was it guilt he was feeling? Or fear? If the gods had sent these wolves, what folly had he done? – AGOT, Eddard IV

"And for what?" Yes, quite. I don't really have much to say on this... I think this passage speaks for itself. There's probably some other things I could talk about, but those are my main two gripes.

That being said... what I value about Ned are his words of wisdom

The thing about Ned, for me, is that despite the unmaliciously meant pain he inflicts on his loved ones (which I do understand the reasoning behind, the trauma that informs it etc)... he's still ultimately a figure of hope to me, a notably flawed, but no less significant, ideal within the narrative too. And I think you need that — we need the memory of Ned as readers, and so do the Starklings. So, I love him more for what he represents, rather than his parenting and lacklustre husbanding skills. I value the fundamental truths he emphasises through his words, and the legacy of those words, embodied within his children.

For example:

"Let me tell you something about wolves, child. When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives. Summer is the time for squabbles. In winter, we must protect one another, keep each other warm, share our strengths. So if you must hate, Arya, hate those who would truly do us harm. Septa Mordane is a good woman, and Sansa… Sansa is your sister. You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you… and I need both of you, gods help me." – AGOT, Arya II

Honestly, people can "squabble" about which Stark sibling is more important, more this, more that, till the cows come home. But that's what it is... "squabbles", and it misses the mark completely about why the Starks are the heart of the series. They are the Starks, plural. They may be different from one another, but they are "pack", and come winter, (TWOW, to be exact), once reunited they will "protect one another, keep each other warm, share [their] strengths", because those are the values Ned taught them.

These are the things to remember, despite all the hellishness. This is why Ned's death wasn't in vain, it wasn't an edgy twist, or the first whiff of grimdark... because his legacy didn't end with him, it lives on, it is felt throughout the series, right up until the most recent book:

"Be that as it may. My father sat where I sit now when Lord Eddard came to Sisterton. Our maester urged us to send Stark's head to Aerys, to prove our loyalty. It would have meant a rich reward. The Mad King was open-handed with them as pleased him. By then we knew that Jon Arryn had taken Gulltown, though. Robert was the first man to gain the wall, and slew Marq Grafton with his own hand. 'This Baratheon is fearless,' I said. 'He fights the way a king should fight.' Our maester chuckled at me and told us that Prince Rhaegar was certain to defeat this rebel. That was when Stark said, 'In this world only winter is certain. We may lose our heads, it's true… but what if we prevail?' My father sent him on his way with his head still on his shoulders. 'If you lose,' he told Lord Eddard, 'you were never here.'" – ADWD, Davos I

I love this line so much, and I love that it comes from Ned, that just as we are gearing up to head into the darkest parts of the series (because Winds is apparently going to be very dark)... we have this light, this hope, this "what if we prevail?" And it's connected to this repeated refrain about the certainty of winter — "in this world only winter is certain" vs. "winter is coming" — which is closely tied to Ned as a character. So, yes, "winter is coming", but don't be decieved into thinking that that spells disaster, that no warmth can be found, for there is always darkness before the dawn, just as there is always a winter before the spring... and in the winter the wolves shall "keep each other warm", they will "prevail."

In conclusion

Whatever his flaws and mistakes, and there are several, at the end of the day... I will love Ned for giving us hope, for reminding the readers, and characters, of what is really important — to take strength from your loved ones, to give them strength in return, and to not give into despair, no matter how harshly the snows might fall and white winds blow. Yes, it's not certain whether they'll live, but likewise, it's not certain whether they'll die either... and that's where you find the hope, the light against the grim dark.

So, for me, he's a character who makes my heart sink, but then he makes it swell again. That's the duality, and it's a choice which you put most stock in... I'll choose the hope he inspires every time ;)

[chibivesicle]

Golden Kamuy - Kikuta really deserved better [part 2] 277-279.

Can you tell by my title that I’m a fan of Kikuta and I have some choice words for Noda?  Chapter 277 starts out with an introduction to the regional politics of Meiji era Japan.  The entire political shift occurred with the marriage of convenience between Choushuu and Satsuma (the Sat-Chou alliance) and how that is playing out in government and the military. With Hanazawa on the Satsuma side a commanding officer is having Tsurumi deal with the damage control.  That being Lt. General Okuda (and Kikuta’s boss)

He discloses how he’s the person who helped to cover up the scandal for Hanazawa and more of the regional politics comes into play as he pulls Tsurumi into this.

Recall that Tsurumi is from Niigata and we know he is from a family that lost power and wealth due to political changes.  He assumes that of course Tsurumi would hold a grudge towards those from the Sat-Chou alliance.  Usami is also from a fallen samurai family in Niigata and we know that Ogata is from Ibaraki and also from a samurai family on the losing side.  Tsukishima is from the island of Sado where unwanted people were dumped in Niigata so he is also an outsider.  We learn of his ‘true’ feelings as the tells his core group his opinion on things.

I love how we get unhinged Tsurumi calling it all a farce and he’s over Central.  But most importantly Okuda confirmed his own intel about the gold he learned while in Russia at some point in time.  His gold plan can slowly move along.  So Tsurumi becomes in the Hanazawa scandal cover up looking for the young 2nd Lt. and Kikuta, working under Okuda’s direct orders.

Despite his best efforts, Kikuta’s plan is revealed by a secretary at the Military Academy, while we know that Sugimoto and Kikuta are en route to the engagement dinner.

Hanazawa panics and sprints out to determine what is happening. Right on his tail is Tsurumi and his key team of Ogata, Tsukishima and Usami.  Clearly this is going to become a huge mess.  The next few pages are amusing, but really don’t add value to the plot.  I am impressed that Kaeko has an excellent plot to get Sugimoto naked and I commend her efforts!  GK is never short of strong female characters.  Who enjoy sex.

This sets up a hilarious moment where he’s naked and trapped in a bedroom while she leverages the potential scandal to her advantage.  By that point Tsurumi has caught up to them.  What is most interesting is when Usami addresses Ogata as Hyakunnosuke and asks him what he thinks about meeting his brother.  It is clear this isn’t out of concern from Usami’s part, we know he hates Ogata to his very core.

But as usual, Ogata doesn’t respond and we just see only a part of his eyes, not even a glance of his lips to give us an idea of what he’s thinking.

Kaeko and Sugimoto continue to talk as she reveals what she knows from Hanazawa Hiro.  She had been a nurse during the first Sino-Japanese war so it has allowed her to reflect on the impact of war on individual soliders.

This tells us a few things;  Hiro’s patriotism is more nuanced.  If she were being selfish and just saying she doesn’t want her son to go off to war without experience it, that would be one thing.  Instead, she knows being a military spouse first hand what happens - no one could say she didn’t do her own duty and go likely above and beyond.  Ultimately, she wants to protect her son from her own experiences and observations and be a mother.

Sugimoto then realizes he needs to bail and leaves poor Kikuta confused.  And then bam! The 27th is there.

Of course this leads to the most Sugimoto situation of all time!  Tsurumi threatens Kaeko with his handgun and Ogata asks where Yuusaku is.  Of course Sugimoto flies out of the bathroom naked sans Kikuta’s hat and Ogata is just amused beyond belief.

This would be complete if he were relaxed eating a box of popcorn or something like that. 278 continues this absolute chaos and lots of fan service for Miss Kaeko!  I really don’t think the fight scene needs much meta.  Ogata just finds it amusing (and btw sucks at hand to hand combat) while Usami rumbles with Sugimoto.  Tsurumi realizes he’s not Yuusaku and Kikuta rushes in and gets shot in the shoulder by Tsukishima.

Somehow, Kikuta is able to get the rest of them to flee but not without running into the actual Hanazawa Yuusaku.  Awkward.  Tsurumi only then realizes that Kikuta was doing his job and they run out into the street.

Kaeko tries her best to convince Sugimoto to marry her.  Granted he is a very heroic figure and he fought to protect her.  However, reality wouldn’t allow that to happen and Sugimoto decides to join the army - thinking he won’t starve that way.

Kikuta looks so sad and disappointed when he hears this.

He’s definitely thinking of his younger brother who died b/c he told him to join the army with him.  I loved the fact that we learn that Kaeko got to be a successful woman who was also compassionate to others. 

There is a quick exchange that shows the first encounter between Ogata and Yuusaku.  Yuusaku notices Ogata and salutes him as a cadet.

Ogata doesn’t even return the salute and he look he gives him out of the corner of his eyes.  What is he thinking?  I’d say Yuusaku doesn’t know who Ogata even is.  But something has him very suspicious to be this leery of him.  This also makes me think of this previous encounter between Koito and Ogata in chapter 200.

This time Ogata is bolder when he walks by Koito who is also currently still in the Army Academy.  Except unlike Yuusaku who doesn’t seem to pick up on Ogata’s vibes, Koito does!  And the two of them stare each other down.  I think that this in part shows that Koito has more innate awareness of things and could be considered more of a ‘natural’ in the military.  Which Yuusaku isn’t.  We have no evidence Yuusaku has any sort of military talent or skills. 

The chapter ends with Kikuta asking Sugimoto if he’s serious about joining the military and how he’s already fated to go to hell based on what he’s done in his life.  279 continues the conversation between Kikuta and Sugimoto and he flat out tells Sugimoto about how his brother died of illness in the army during the Sino-Japanese war.

Sugimoto then becomes Kikuta’s younger brother telling him that it is time to move on.  This continues the trend in GK where a character that is speaking becomes someone else to the listener.

This is most evident with Asirpa when she becomes Yuusaku on more than one occasion to Ogata.

But this facial expression from Kikuta [sobs].

No wonder Kikuta worked so hard to save Ariko’s life!  He can’t just always be responsible for the deaths of others.

Sugimoto convinces Kikuta that he’ll be alright in the army and he relents and lets him keep the cap.  This shows that Kikuta has moved on from the death of his brother - a big deal!  In an unusual way, Sugimoto has helped Kikuta move on and take the next step in the healing process. Kikuta reports to his commander in the 1st.  Okuda wants him to keep an eye on Tsurumi.  Obviously, he knows now that Tsurumi interfered with Kikuta’s plans for Hanazawa rather heavy-handedly so he would need someone else to balance it out.

It then reveals that Ogata is also working for Okuda in the 1st.  This explains why when the two of them crossed paths in the brewery they did not engage but nor did they appear to exchange any information.

I can’t help but feel like something is still off with this.  Ogata does have skills from working in intelligence with Tsurumi.  He’s observant, makes himself invisible and can get others to talk easily.  But Ogata being a 100% willing spy - it seems like he wants something else out of this. Kikuta’s character screams secret agent - but Ogata, he’s something else.  I’m not sure if Ogata’s choice to be a spy on Tsurumi was a real choice.

When Ogata and Tsukishima had their shoot out in Yubari at Edogai’s, Tsukishima told him he was a pet cat for Central.  Ogata replied that they were part of a rebel element.  We know that Ogata was working with Tamai at the beginning of the manga.  I struggle to see how Ogata has loyalty to anyone honestly.  He seems to be moving throughout this game with again his own mysterious objective.  Ogata is cynical and has no belief in the nation state nor does he harbor any sort of deep patriotism towards Imperial Japan.

Since Okuda is friends with Hanazawa and is based in Tokyo, he may have known Ogata since his birth and has kept tabs on him after the Ogata grandparents took him back to Ibaraki with his mom.  Ogata’s existence might be a sort of trump card that Okuda is keeping . . . but others found out as well like Tsurumi.  Did Okuda have Ogata tell or leak information that Ogata is Hanazawa’s first son? The chapter jumps to the 203 meter hill in the war and we see Yuusaku fallen on the battlefield.  Ogata watches from distance, his face cut off while other members of the 27th run out to help Yuusaku.

This finally reveals Yuusaku’s eyes!  Not the anticipated reveal - I kept thinking this was something that Ogata was going to see but it shows us clear eyes.  Which look sort of similar to Asirpa’s eyes.

So many thoughts are jumping around in my brain about this reveal.

1.) These eyes are not the ‘trademark’ Hanazawa eyes.  Dark black orbs with those eyebrows!  This indicates his eyes aren’t from his father.

Seeing this, I can’t help but think that Yuusaku is not Hanazawa’s son.  Instead, Hiro had an affair with someone else.  A major theme in GK is that the children inherit the skills of their parents.  Asirpa is able to do many things as she inherited the intelligence of Wilk.  And that Ogata is the true inheritor of Hanazawa’s military skills.

Recall this from chapter 58.  Ogata leads the crappy local gang against Hijikata and acts like a commander.

We know that Tsurumi’s lie about Ogata wanting to avenge Hanazawa is to keep Nikaido in the dark.

This would also explain why everything we learn about Yuusaku is terrible at military things.  If he also isn’t Hanazawa’s son it would make it even more reason for Hiro to try to prevent him from entering the military since he’s not even genetically related to this great line of Hanazawas.  I wish we knew more about the Ogata side of things - I think we’ll also learn that the Ogata side had competent military men on it as well.  2.) Yuusaku’s eyes are the same as Asirpa’s and indicate their sort of innocence.  In this case, it would perfectly explain why Ogata sees Yuusaku instead of Asirpa when he has the fever and then the melt down on the ice floe.  Yuusaku kept himself naive and innocent to meet his father’s expectations.  A man who I don’t think is even his father at this moment.  Therefore, Ogata’s guilt on killing Yuusaku is tied to his sort of innocence in these situations and why he can’t seem to shake his mental confusion when it comes to Asirpa.  However, unlike Yuusaku, Asirpa has never forced herself on him to do things or guilt tripped him so it leaves things open for him to not link her to Yuusaku.

3.) Yuusaku was going to blow Ogata’s cover working for Okuda.  Now that we know that Ogata was working for Okuda while in the 27th it means he’d have to keep his role quiet.  If Yuusaku found out that Ogata was working for Okuda, I could see him going to Tsurumi and telling him this information.  Therefore, to protect his status, Ogata used this as his rationale to kill Yuusaku on the battle field.  I have never figured out if Ogata was nudged to kill Tsurumi by his ‘don’t kill him right now.’ comment as one of Tsurumi’s backwards motivations that lead Ogata to directly killing him. So many possibilities!  I want more Ogata backstory dammit!

Anyhoo, to not make this meta super long let’s get back to the action. Asirpa begins working out how to try to break the code.  Hijikata notes that Wilk could have used something other than kanji, since he’d know the Latin alphabet for Polish and Cyrillic for Russian.  Shiraishi makes a clear point that this could be a message from Wilk towards her, though it feels like he’s channeling Kiro.  Out of many of the Japanese characters Shiraishi time and time again comes out much more sympathetic to the minorities than others.

Asirpa begins to wonder how the coin is linked to the skins. She’s thinking things through and is on her way to solving the puzzle.

After saving Ariko, Kikuta is returning to Tsurumi’s group in the church.  Oh Roger, this is why I love you so much.

Look at that smirk with a slightly watery eye.  At the same time Tsurumi is also looking at the coin and realizes he’s figured it out.

Kikuta approaches the rest of the group and comments on if he’s found the location.  Tsurumi states that things are just getting started.  He casually pulls out his gun and fires two shots into Kikuta at point blank range.

And with this I am deeply saddened and shocked.  How dare you do that to Kikuta!!!  He was my Kiro replacement and now he’s also going to die.

First Boutarou died and now Kikuta.  [cries].  We know that Tsurumi is a shinigami but this is just brutal.  The bear death trio died early on in the manga.  Ogata escaped.  Kikuta now is the next link to Central that goes down.

[91percentpynch]

false god - kevaaron au pt 5

long time no see because i was in a writing block and that sucks but i‘m back and ready to break our hearts <33 thanks to argyro for helping me figuring out what happens here

i listened to false god by taylor swift cuz the angst??? love it!!! anygays this is from kevin‘s pov, i hope it makes sense and i hope you like it <33 stay safe, drink some water and always remember only racists, trump supporters, transphobes and homophobes skip meals!!

to check out the other parts click here

Aaron wasn‘t gone for too long when Kevin‘s phone rang

He didn‘t have the energy to pick it up, just to stare it down as if some kind of magic or his sheer will power would make it stop, let him be alone with his thoughts

But obviously that didn‘t work, it never did

The phone kept ringing, slowly driving the striker mad, slowly taking his sanity.

It would be the fifth or sixth missed call that would make him get up to answer the phone

„KEVIN HI NICKY HERE, LISTEN I TRIED TO CALL YOU FOR THE PAST HALF HOUR OR SO BUT AARON‘S IN THE HOSPITAL AND I CAN‘T GET THERE UNTIL LIKE TOMORROW AND ANDREW DOESN‘T ANSWER HIS PHONE EITHER AND HE WOULD TAKE LIKE HOURS TO GET THERE AS WELL CAN YOU PLEASE GO TO HIM SO HE DOESN‘T HAVE TO BE ALONE I DON‘T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED PLEASE, KEVIN I NEVER ASKED FOR ANYTHING FROM YOU PLEASE JUST GO AND MAKE SURE MY SON IS OKAY“

„Nicky? Hi to you too. You do realize he isn‘t my responsibility and that he broke up with me and that I don‘t really have to go there. I don‘t own him shit. He made my life miserable. He probably deserves whatever happened to him“ was what Kevin wanted to answer, was probably what he was supposed to say. But deep down he knew it was not true, that Aaron never ruined his life. Made it better, made it it bareable. Made it worth living, not just existing. Made it more than Exy and Vodka.

After a few moments of silence that felt like an enterinity Kevin settled for a simple: „Which hospital?“

„OH DIO MIO GRACIAS, MUCHAS GRACIAS. ESTÁ EN EL CHICAGO HOSPITAL“, Nicky replied in Spanish. Something the Latino only did when he was either very emotional, very drunk, very angry or all at once.

Kevin didn‘t have it in him to tell Nicky that he still did not speak Spanish, he understood the hospital and that was enough. For now.

„I‘m on my way, call you later and Nicky? He‘s going to be fine. It‘s not your fault. You‘re a great mother to them, the best I‘ve ever had the pleasure to meet. Now calm down, go to Erik and take a nap. You don‘t have to come, he‘s with us. We got this. Do you want to talk to Jeremy while I go to check up on Aaron?“

„Sí“, was all Nicky had to say. Voice thick with tears.

„JER CAN YOU TALK TO NICKY AARON‘S IN THE HOSPITAL I‘M GOING THERE“, Kevin shouted into the flat.

„Absoloutly“, Jeremy replied and took the phone from Kevin.

„Mi corazón, escúchame“, was the last thing Kevin heard as it hit him. Aaron was in the hospital. Right after Kevin refused to listen to him, right after Kevin refused to let him explain himself. It was Kevin‘s fault. If Aaron died, he would have killed him. He was basically a murderer. His breathing came out uneven, his lungs didn‘t get enough air. He knew that he needed to breathe, but breathing was hard and he was weak.

Jean noticed Kevin having a panic attack when he came to check up on him. „Day, listen to me. Breathe. In... And out... In.... And out... In... And out“

Kevin‘s breathing got better, slowly but steadily.

„It‘s my fault“, the striker whispered.

„It‘s not, Kevin. It is not your fault. If you don‘t want to go there, you don‘t have to. He is not your responsibility“

„Hypothetically if Jeremy was to break up with you and you‘re hurt and sad and blame him for your misery when it‘s more the lack of him that makes you feel that way and his sister or brother or mother or whoever would call you and hysterically asked you to go look after him cause his family is stuck on another continent and the only other person who could call refuses to take the phone cause they‘re too busy doing their boyfriend, would you not go cause he is not your responsibility anymore? Because Aaron is my Jeremy. Just like Jer saved your life and made you see that live is indeed worth living, Aaron showed me the same“

„I don‘t think I would surive Jeremy leaving me, you‘ve always been stronger than me. Should I give you a ride?“, Jean whispered.

„It‘s not a thing of strenght Jean, it‘s an addiction. It used to be alcohol that made me forget, made me feel light and free and carefree. I drank and drank until I couldn‘t live without it anymore. And then I met Aaron, I tasted him, I smelled him and he chose me. Me? What did I have to offer him? A boy broken and raised by Exy. All I can offer is Exy. Nothing more. Until he made me see that it was wrong, that I am more than that. And he might have broken my heart and yes I might still love him even though he will never feel the same but I cannot not go there. I have to. I have to be there for them, the way he was always there for me“

„Get your things, we‘re going to the hospital“, Jean replied, unable to put his emotions into words.

So Jean and Kevin left for the hospital while Jeremy tried to calm Nicky down with softly whispered Spanish words.

As they arrived at the hospital Kevin stormed in there.

„Aaron Minyard“, was all he was able to say. Too many memories were connected with hospitals. Too many memories he would much rather just forget.

„Name?“, the nurse said in a bored tone.

Kevin just put a finger on his cheek.

„Kevin Day? I can‘t let you to him, only family and spouses“

„What if I sign something, we take a nice selfie and you tell me where he is. You see I‘m basically family. I‘m the closest and the others can‘t be here until at least tomorrow evening and we don‘t want the poor guy to be all alone and confused, do we?“, Kevin said with his press smile and shining eyes. He knew the charme he had on females. It was just not useful for him as he never really was into that. He never was into anyone but Aaron, to be fair.

„I could lose my job for that“, the nurse replied, her eyes wandering from his eyes to his lips and up again.

„I‘m sure I can offer you something that will you let me to go see him“, Kevin replied with a wink, being disgusted by himself that he even thought about all the possiblities this woman could ask him to do with her.

„Room 21, second floor, station E. You clearly care about him, if anyone asks it wasn‘t me“, she smiled at him. „Besides I always liked Moreau more, I‘m sure we can think of something to do while you are with the boy“

„Sorry“, Kevin whispered to Jean as he ran down the aisle trying to figure out where Aaron was.

The hostpital was a mess of busy nurses and angry doctors, but nothing could stop a determinded Kevin Day. No one. Not even Andrew Minyard.

After what felt like forever he made it to the room, kicked the door open and walked with three long strides to Aaron.

„You fucking idiot, what have you done?“, he whisper-shouted, holding back tears while taking in Aaron‘s sorry state.

„I don‘t need your fucking pity“, Aaron replied, exhausted.

„Did you tell them you can‘t have morphine? Because you might relapse, i mean you already did but we don‘t want it to get worse. And this is not pity, this is Nicky yelling at me in Spanish cause you‘re in the hospital and he‘s in Germany and I‘m the closest to you and he does not want his son to be alone“

„Andrew didn‘t care to come, did he?“, Aaron whispered into his pillow.

„Andrew does care about you he‘s just shit at showing it, that fucking asshole“, Kevin replied softly. „C‘mon what have you done Minyard?“

„Car accident, not that it‘s any of your fucking business“

„How are you?“

„Fucking great, I should let a truck drive into me more often. Very freeing. Very calming“, Aaron said sarcastically, avoiding Kevin‘s eyes.

„A truck. Drove into you?“, shock made Kevin‘s Irish accent stronger.

„Not that you would care“, Aaron‘s voice was barely more than a whisper as he turned around, back to Kevin.

„Aaron first of all I can see you naked ass and not that I wouldn‘t mind the view and I‘ve seen it often enough but the nurses don‘t have to see that too. And secondly of course I care. I always did. Always will“

Blushing Aaron turned back towards Kevin.

„Why wouldn‘t you listen to me if you care so much? You‘re exactly like like Andrew, you guys only ever care when I‘m about to die or do something that doesn‘t sit right with you. Never about me as a person. The conecept about me maybe, but me? Me as a person? No one cares about that“

„You are Aaron Minyard. Born on the 4th of November, 8:31:45 am. You grew up in California in the house next to Nicky. Nicky and you were always close and you didn‘t have many friends because of your mom. Your mom might have abused her and I might hate her for that but you still love her and I get that because on some fucked up level I still care about Riko. You are allergic to cats, peanuts and house dust. You have a freckle right on your right hip, under your navel, from under your left eye over to the nose to the corner of your right eye. You like it when you are hold when you can‘t sleep but you hate showing affection in public. You were 13 when you started exy, because it gave you an escape, but you had to stop because the bruises from your mother‘s beating got to obvious. So you started getting into medicine. You borrowed every single book on medicine you could find and read it at night, always hidden from your mom. You had to have straight As or the beatings would be worse. Your mom did go out to have ice cream with you when it was especially bad. That‘s why you hate ice cream so much, especially vanillia because it was her favourite. Your secret hobby is skating. You feel free when you do it. You want to live at the coast, but not close to Cali, never back to Cali. You want Andrew to notice you and you hate how easily he let Neil in because obviously deserve it more and I get that. You tried drugs to escape, to see what was the appeal. Your uncle never helped you but he brainwashed you into believing he did. You grew up very religous and in an extraordinary homophobic household, you watched your cousin and only friend getting shipped away because he was different, not right, so you confinced yourself you were different. Heterosexual. When in reality you knew since you were 15 that you preferred guys. You liked girls as well. At least you thought but it‘s so much more complicated. Actually it isn‘t. You‘re asexual, you do however like the feeling of sex. You think the process is disgusting, but you still like the feeling. It has to be the right person though. It doesn‘t matter wether it‘s a boy or a girl or something else entierly, all that matters are the feelings the person makes you feel. It took you years to accept that you are not wrong, that you wouldn‘t have to go away like Nicky. You apologized to Nicky. You thought you had to be against their relationships, because that‘s what they made you believe. Old habits die hard. But you got over it and I am very proud of you. You sleep with a teddybear or with another person that cuddles you because the thought of being alone scares the living crap out of you. Your favourite flowers are sunflowers because yellow is a happy color. You hate sweets, you prefer salty snacks. You prefer coffee black, like your sould. You use sarcasm and humor as your coping mechanism. You stole my history books because you love history as well. You also love art but you don‘t think you are good enought to become an artist. You would love to work at Jean‘s studio but you are afraid to ask. You and Jean used to be friends but you cut him off and isolated yourself because your anxities and insecurities took over you again. Sometimes you have depressive episodes, in these you crave drugs more than normally. You want to stop it, you really do but somehow your brain tries to tell you you need it. You would love to have five dogs. An Irish Red Setter, an Irish Wolfhound, a poodle a big one though, a labrador and a golden retriever. You also want to adopt at least two kids. You don‘t want any child to go through what you had to go through or Andrew. So don‘t you dare tell me I never cared for you. Because I do. I listen when you tell me things. I remember every single time you came to me, black out drunk, crying and telling me you‘re worthless. Because every single time I wanted to tell you you aren‘t. You are a wonderful human being and I don‘t understand why I wasn‘t enough for you to stay but I will not let you tell me I never cared about you. Because that‘s some fucking bullshit“

Kevin didn‘t even notice the tears running down his cheeks. It‘s been a while since he was that emotional, since he let his walls down and dared to show emotions.

„You really did listen“, was all Aaron had to say.

„Why wasn‘t I enough for you?“, Kevin replied, voice thick of tears, Irish accent strong.

[hija-del-trueno]

Of Myths and Legends

OF MYTHS AND LEGENDS

Anidala Week 2020 - Day 3:Mythology

Author’s Note: LOL get ready to cry ya’ll because 2020 was meant for angst. Might make this into a series later on. These are a lot of tragic mythology that works perfectly with Anidala.

I. ICARUS

“I will get us out of here….I promise.”

He whispered that to her every night.

For some the ability to lose track of time was simple but for Padme time was a necessary construct. Her children, wherever they were, needed their mother…and their father too.

Two years had passed since that faithful day. When all Sith’s hell broke loose. Anakin almost lost himself. She had almost lost him and her children had almost lost their father. They would have lost him to fear and quite frankly, to power and envy as well. 

But then Ahsoka came with Maul to stop Anakin from committing his biggest crime. As one singular action becomes a breakpoint for a set of other actions, it seemed Sidious was one step ahead. 

When Anakin realized the ploy was to turn him, Sidious turned to Maul and lured him. Maul wanting his rightful place amongst the Sith order, pledged his allegiance to whom had previously betrayed him. 

They lost Ahsoka that day. She gave them means to escape. 

Soon her and Anakin met with Obi-Wan in Tatooine, and then came the twins. The galaxy’s beacon of hope. But just as she saw them, they were whisked away. 

Obi-Wan pleaded to take them far away to protect them. It had been two years since they had last heard of him

The Empire loomed above them, everywhere. Anakin had disconnected himself from the Force, in fear of being found. Similarly, she couldn’t access her credits without being detected. Instead they’d become moisture farmers, living day by day. Working through the sun and making meager ends for some sustenance. Not that it mattered, they’d both lost their appetite long before. 

Padme tried not to cry in front of him. But sometimes she could not help herself. Despite having Anakin all to herself without the Jedi Code and societal norms to trump them, this was not what she imagined. They were incomplete and not free. 

Being out in the desert became their proverbial prison. Now she understood why Anakin hated this place. Yet, occasionally she’d lie in the desert sand at night and look at the sky wondering what little Luke and Leia were doing.

Anakin was restless. 

He would not be at peace until his family was together again. This was his fault. He had not regretted the choice he made in Palpatine’s office after Ahsoka showed up but he wasn’t strong enough to stop the Sith. He was too distraught. Too weak.

They had no credits. No life but the desert. While he hated the sand, he knew how to live in it, but not his angel. She was never meant to be here. 

She was broken-hearted and so was he for her, for them. Their love for one another was their own anchor, their only light in the darkness. While they professed their love to one another constantly, he knew it would not be enough to fulfill this new gap that existed. 

Obi-Wan had promised to come back with a ship for them, but two years had passed and he was desperate to know if his children were safe. 

Soon enough he planned to buy a ship but everytime he scrambled for some credits, some unfortunate situation would happen. They’d need it for food, tusken raiders came up on their homestead, the moisture collectors broke down, and there never seemed to be an affordable ship. 

And he did not want to open himself to the Force. He knew the minute he did, Maul and Sidious would jump like Lothal cats on their location.

That’s why when a ship crashed near their home Anakin and Padme looked at each other with hope in their eyes. The pilot had died at impact but the ship was salvageable. 

“We’ll find Obi-Wan first and find Luke and Leia, and go far away from here.” She said in her elation. Padme smiled more often now. 

Anakin worked like he’d never done before. The hardest part was moving around from the homestead to where the ship had crashed, but he spent day and night fixing that she. His hair had grown and a fierce determination shown on his face almost like a crazed man.

One night as they held each other in hope and desperation, he’d hummed an old desert tune. “You love me better than anyone…you love me better than I’ve known…better than I’ve known before” Padme held him tighter that night.

“So the ship only has capability for two hyperspace jumps?” 

“Around that, yes,” he said hesitantly. He’d look in every junk shop for the part he needed on the hyperdrive but to no avail.

“We can probably jump to Naboo. I’ll seek my family quietly and find a way to contact Obi-Wan,” she said.

Anakin shook his head. “We can’t go to Naboo. It’ll be crawling with Imps.”

Padme thought for a second longer until it dawned on her. “Alderaan.”

“Alderaan?”

“Yes, Bail had to have survived. We had gone over every contingency plan with the committee, in case something like this happened.” When something like this were to happen. Padme had kept politics away from him but now more then ever he understood her lack of loyalty. 

It was all coming together. Until it wasn’t.

This is a tragedy. There is no happy ending. 

As they approached Alderaan, he hesitated. What if they came here for naught? What if Bail Organa had been killed and as soon as they landed they would have been caught by the Empire?

No. He couldn’t allow that to happen. His family was his responsibility now and he would be damned if he did not do anything about it. He would do what he had been holding on to do before. Use the Force. It would guide him to Obi-Wan. If Maul and Sidious dared he would have already landed and escaped. Anakin had been the best pilot in the war, surely he could evade him.

As he sat in the cockpit looking at the vastness of space. Anakin opened himself up to the Force and searched for his old master. He smiled, he was close. 

Suddenly an alarm startled him awake. As he opened his eyes he saw ahead of him a large Star Destroyer. Alderaan laid below them. Behind him, Padme entered the cockpit and gasped.

“Anakin!” He only stared ahead. Maul and Sidious were aboard that ship. Laughing at him furiously but then Anakin knew what he had to do.

“What are we going to do?” Padme broke him from his reverie. 

He stood up suddenly and was in front of her. Anakin grabbed her face and kissed her. She broke away and stared at him confusedly. I’m sorry.

Trembling he lifted his hand, “You will go into the escape pod.” She simply stared. 

He did it again, “You…will…go…into…the…escape…pod.”

Padme stayed silently hypnotized. Slowly her feet moved back, all the while staring at Anakin. Her eye twitched but tears started forming. Her mouth stayed silently shut. 

“You will go into the escape pod,” he croaked. Tears forming in his. He saw a small shake of her head, all the while they walked slowly to the back of the ship where the escape pod was.

Soon enough she had crossed the threshold that separated the pod and the ship. Padme’s chest heaved, wanting desperately to scream out. Tears flowed across her cheeks. She trembled violently. But Anakin hit and held the space lock that closed the door immediately.

On the other side Padme yelled, “ANAKINNNNNNN. NO!” 

“I’m sorry, my love.”

Her fists hit the escape pod violently. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? LET ME OUT! ANAKIN!”

“OBI-WAN IS IN ALDERAAN! YOU WILL GO TO HIM AND YOU WILL FIND OUR CHILDREN!”

“No. No Anakin, please. Don’t do this.” But it was too late because he hit the release.

They both wept as they drifted farther apart. I’m sorry, my angel.

But then Anakin needed to move. He sat back in the cockpit and stared straight ahead. They were on the bridge. He knew what he had to do. There was only one maneuver. 

And so the tale tells. Anakin Skywalker, maddened by determination to end what he thought was his responsibility, hit one last hyperspace jump directly through the bridge. He destroyed the bridge, Maul, Sidious, and himself. His wife seeing the maneuver in front of her eyes, rarely spoke again.

The galaxy will forever hear the tragedy of the man who walked the skies until one day he simply got too close to the sun.

[hypnopompik]

1. What’s your middle name? Evangeline

2. What are you listening to right now? Debussy La met 

3. What was the last thing you ate? Chicken salad

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Brother

5. Do you drink? Occassionally

6. Do you smoke? Never

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Smile/Eyes

8. What is your hair color? Black

9. What is your eye color? Brown

10. Do you wear contacts/glasses? Nope

11. Dogs or cats? Both

12. What’s your favorite animal? Giant Panda

13. What’s your favorite television show? Game of Thrones or The Office

14. What’s your favorite movie? Lord of the Rings

15. What’s your favorite band/singer? Hozier/Aurora

16. How old are you? 24

17. Do you have a crush on anyone? Yes 🥰🥺👉🏻👈🏻

18. What’s your sexual orientation? Biromantic Asexual

19. What’s your favorite color? Pink/White/Silver

20. What was your most embarrassing moment? Falling over in a fountain in the middle of a theme park

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else? No

22. What were you like when you were a kid? Happy

23. What would your dream house be like? A cottage with large windows and a large garden in a small village surrounded by lots of fields

24. What last made you laugh? Probably The Office

25. What is your favorite word? Sacrilegious or Interesting

26. What is your least favorite word? Moist or Bowl

27. What turns you on? Kindness and neck kissing

28. What turns you off? Rude people

29. What is your star sign? Libra sun, Aquarius moon, Capricorn rising

30. What are your favorite books? I have such a long list

31. Do you have any siblings? Yes, brother and sister both younger

32. Do you like to dance? Yes I love dancing I used to dance professionally

33. What is your definition of cheating? Any physical act with another person other than your partner

34. Have you ever cheated on someone? Never

35. Do you regret anything? Nope

36. Do you have any phobias? Thunder and lightning, insects, some birds and

37. Ever broken any bones? Collarbone a few toes and a few fingers

38. Ever come close to death? Yes

39. What is your religion, if any? Buddhism and also I practice witchcraft

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? Never.

41. Are looks important in a relationship? Nope (im asexual)

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad? Neither

43. What is your favorite season? Spring

44. Do you have any tattoos? No but I want

45. Do you have any piercings? Several; lips, 4 on my ears.

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 0 official

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Yes

48. Who is your celebrity crush? Snoop Dogg and Johnny Depp

49. Are you a virgin? Nope

50. Do you get jealous easily? No never

51. What is your favorite type of food? Italian

52. Do you ever want to get married? Yes

53. Who was your first kiss with? Not happened officially

54. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes

55. What is your idea of the perfect date? Long walk in a park with a picnic, museum and art gallery, then a long drive to the countryside at night see the stars

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? 

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? Of course

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with? Singing and musical abilities

59. What is your saddest memory? My grandfathers deaths

60. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes

61. Do you believe in soul mates? Yes I am pretty sure I’ve already met them

62. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, multiple colours

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? I don’t think so I can’t remember.. oh yeah someone spread a rumour that I had a list of people I was going to kill ... I was 13

64. Would you go against your moral code for money? No

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you? I’m asexual, I’m a witch and I’m ambidextrous

66. Who are you jealous of? I don’t get jealous very easily.

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? Yes, his name is Freddie

68. How long was your longest relationship? 0

69. Is the glass half empty or half full? Half full

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Buy me sexy underwear/lingerie and cook a nice meal and then a nice movie in a cuddles

71. Who is your most loyal friend? Lukas

72. Are you in a relationship? Nope

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? I don’t

74. Are you a bad person? Yes I can be

75. Are you a lover or a fighter? A lover

76. What did you do on your last birthday? Party and movies with my family

77. What is your favorite quote? ‘I always love finding a new place to wear diamonds’ - Marilyn Monroe in To Marry a Millionaire

78. If your best friend died, what would you do? Organise an amazing wake, funeral party

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? I’d stop Hitler getting to power

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? Tell my friends and family and just spend time with them

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had? THE STEVE MARTIN DREAM

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? Idk I’m happy single

83. Who were you in a past life? I’m not sure

84. What is your happiest childhood memory? I have so many good moments especially with my siblings

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Yes

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? No I don’t think so

87. If you were the president, what would you do? The opposite to whatever trump is doing

88. What is your ideal career? Owner of a bakery/cafe/florist/bookstore

89. What is your political affiliation? Irk

90. Are you conservative or liberal? Liberal

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection? Female

92. Do you like kissing in public? Never did it but I don’t mind it

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? I’d try to change racism/transphobic/sexism/feminism/save the planet/animals/

94. Where would you like to live? Norway/France/Italy/Belgium/Netherlands

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation? Anywhere

96. Describe yourself in one word. Passionate

97. Describe yourself in one sentence. Short, curvy, English girl with black hair and honey eyes with a positive optimistic and bubbly outlook on life

[arcticdementor]

There’s no nice way to say this: a certain subset of (mostly) white people have lost their minds online. These people wake up to a vast insurrection crossing all racial and national boundaries – and contrive to make this all about themselves. Their affects, their unconsciouses, their moral worthiness. How can I be Not Complicit? How can I be a Better Ally? How do I stop benefiting from white supremacy in my daily life? How do I rid myself of all the bad affects and attitudes? Can I purify my soul in the smelter of a burning police precinct? Occasional ratissages out into mainstream culture (we’re decolonising the Bon Appétit test kitchen!), but mostly what this uprising calls for is an extended bout of navel-gazing. Really get in there, get deep in that clammy lint-filled hole, push one finger into the wound of your separation from the primordial world, and never stop wriggling. Maybe there’s a switch, buried just below the knot, and if you trip it your body will open up like a David Cronenberg nightmare to reveal all its greasy secrets to your eyes. Interrogate yourself! Always yourself, swim deep in the filth of yourself. The world is on fire – but are my hands clean? People are dying – but how can I scrub this ghastly whiteness off my skin?

You could set aside the psychosexual madness of this stuff, maybe, if it actually worked. It does not work. It achieves nothing and helps nobody. Karen and Barbara Fields: ‘Racism is not an emotion or state of mind, such as intolerance, bigotry, hatred, or malevolence. If it were that, it would easily be overwhelmed; most people mean well, most of the time, and in any case are usually busy pursuing other purposes. Racism is first and foremost a social practice.’ Social practices must be confronted on the level of the social. But for people who don’t want to change anything on the level of the social, there’s the Implicit Associations Test. This is the great technological triumph of what passes for anti-racist ideology: sit in front of your computer for a few minutes, click on some buttons, and you can get a number value on exactly how racist you are. Educators and politicians love this thing. Wheel it into offices. Listen up, guys, your boss just wants to take a quick peek into your unconscious mind, just to see how racist you are. How could anyone object to something like that?

…

See, for instance, the form letters: How To Talk To Your Black Friends Right Now. Because I refuse to be told I can’t ever empathise with a black person, I try to imagine what it would be like to receive one of these. Say there’s been a synagogue shooting, or a bunch of swastikas spraypainted in Willesden Jewish Cemetery. Say someone set off a bomb inside Panzer’s in St John’s Wood – and then one of my goy friends sends me something like this:

Hey Sam – I can never understand how you feel right now, but I’m committed to doing the work both personally and in my community to make this world safer for you and for Jewish people everywhere. From the Babylonian Captivity to the Holocaust to today, my people have done reprehensible things to yours – and while my privilege will never let me share your experience, I want you to know that you’re supported right now. I see you. I hear you. I stand with the Jewish community, because you matter. Please give me your PayPal so I can buy you a bagel or some schamltz herring, or some of those little twisty pastries you people like.

How would I respond? I think I would never want to see or hear from this person again. If I saw them in the street, I would spit in their face, covid be damned. I would curse their descendants with an ancient cackling Yiddish curse. These days, I try to choose my actual friends wisely. Most of them tend to engage me with a constant low level of jocular antisemitic micoaggressions, because these things are funny and not particularly serious. But if one of my friends genuinely couldn’t see me past the Jew, and couldn’t see our friendship past the Jewish Question, I would be mortified. Of course, it’s possible that the comparison doesn’t hold. Maybe there are millions of black people I don’t know who love being essentialised and condescended to, who are thrilled by the thought of being nothing more than a shuddering expendable rack for holding up their own skin. But I doubt it. Unless you want me to believe that black people inherently have less dignity than I do, this is an insult.

…

If you want to find the real secret of this stuff, look for the rules, the dos and don’ts, the Guides To Being A Better Ally that blob up everywhere like mushrooms on a rotting bough. You’ve seen them. And you’ve noticed, even if you don’t want to admit it, that these things are always contradictory:

DO the important work of interrogating your own biases and prejudices. DON’T obsess over your white guilt – this isn’t about you! DO use your white privilege as a shield by standing between black folx and the police. DON’T stand at the front of marches – it’s time for you to take a back seat. DO speak out against racism – never expect activists of colour to always perform the emotional labour. DON’T crowd the conversation with your voice – shut up, stay in your lane, and stick to signal boosting melanated voices. DO educate your white community by providing an example of white allyship. DON’T post selfies from a protest – our struggle isn’t a photo-op for riot tourists.

Žižek points out that the language of proverbial wisdom has no content. ‘If one says, “Forget about the afterlife, about the Elsewhere, seize the day, enjoy life fully here and now, it’s the only life you’ve got!” it sounds deep. If one says exactly the opposite (“Do not get trapped in the illusory and vain pleasures of earthly life; money, power, and passions are all destined to vanish into thin air – think about eternity!”), it also sounds deep.’ The same goes here. Whatever you say, it can still sound woke. Why?

…

This stuff is masochism, pleasure-seeking, full of erotic charge – and as Freud saw, the masochist’s desire is always primary and prior; it’s always the submissive partner who’s in charge of any relationship. Masochism is a technology of power. Setting the limits, defining the punishments they’d like to receive, dehumanising and instrumentalising the sadistic partner throughout. The sadist works to humiliate and degrade their partner, to make them feel something – everything for the other! And meanwhile, the masochist luxuriates in their own degradation – everything for myself! You’re just the robotic hand that hits me. When non-white people get involved in these discourses, they’re always at the mercy of their white audiences, the ones for whom they perform, the ones they titillate and entertain. A system for subjecting liberation movements to the fickle desires of the white bourgeoisie. Call it what it is. This is white supremacy; these scolding lists are white supremacist screeds.

But systems of white supremacy have never been in the interests of most whites (‘Labour cannot emancipate itself in the white skin when in the black it is branded’), and they have never really fostered any solidarity between whites. Look at the stories. I had a run-in with the police, you announce, and a black person might have died, but I’m fine, because I’m white. No – you’re fine because you’re white and rich. You’re fine because you look like someone who reviews cartoons for a dying online publication called The Daily Muffin, which is exactly what you are. Bald and covered in cat hair. Frameless glasses cutting a red wedge into the bridge of your nose. The white people who get gunned down by police don’t look like you. Their class position is stamped visibly on their face, and so is yours. And you’ve trained yourself to see any suffering they experience as nothing more than ugly Trump voters getting what they deserve.

Why aren’t there protests when a white person is murdered by police? Answer 1: because, as John Berger points out, ‘demonstrations are essentially urban in character.’ Native Americans are killed by cops at an even higher rate than black people, but this too tends to happen very far away from the cities and the cameras; it becomes invisible. Answer 2: because nobody cares about them. Not the right wing, who only pretend to care as a discursive gotcha when there’s a BLM protest. And definitely not you. Sectors of the white intelligentsia have spent the last decade trying to train you out of fellow-feeling. Cooley et al., 2019: learning about white privilege has no positive effect on empathy towards black people, but it is ‘associated with greater punishment/blame and fewer external attributions for a poor white person’s plight.’ A machine for turning nice socially-conscious liberals into callous free-market conservatives.

The rhetoric of privilege is a weapon, but it’s not pointed at actually (ie, financially) privileged white people. We get off lightly. All we have to do is reflect on our privilege, chase our dreamy reflections through an endlessly mirrored habitus – and that was already our favourite game. You might as well decide that the only cure for white privilege is ice cream. Working-class whites get no such luxuries. But as always, the real brunt falls on non-white people. What happens when you present inequality in terms of privileges bestowed on white people, rather than rights and dignity denied to non-white people? The situation of the oppressed becomes a natural base-state. You end up thinking some very strange things. A few years ago, I was once told that I could only think that the film Black Panther isn’t very good because of my white privilege. Apparently, black people are incapable of aesthetic discernment or critical thought. (Do I need to mention that the person who told me this was white as sin?) This framing is as racist as anything in Carlyle. It could only have been invented by a rich white person.

Give them their due; rich white people are great at inventing terrible new concepts. Look at what’s happening right now: they’re telling each other to read White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard For White People To Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo. You should never tell people to read White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard For White People To Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo – but we live in an evil world, and it’s stormed to the top of the Amazon bestsellers list. You maniacs, you psychopaths, look what you’ve done. I’m not saying people shouldn’t read the book – I read it, and I don’t get any special dispensations – but you should read it like Dianetics, like the doctrine of a strange and stupid cult.

…

The book is a thrill-ride along a well-paved highway – ‘powerful institutions are controlled by white people;’ true, accurate, well-observed – that quickly takes a dive off the nearest cliff – ‘therefore white people as a whole are in control of powerful institutions.’ Speak for yourself, lady! All a are b, DiAngelo brightly informs us, therefore all b must also be a. She doesn’t advocate for her understanding of the world, she simply assumes it. So it’s not a surprise that the real takeaway from White Fragility is that Robin DiAngelo is not very good at her job.

…

Imagine a devoted cultist of Tengrism, who sometimes gets invited by company bosses to harangue the workforce on how the universe is created by a pure snow-white goose flying over an endless ocean, and how if you don’t make the appropriate ritual honks to this cosmic goose you’re failing in your moral duty. But every time she gives this spiel, she always gets the same questions. Exactly how big is this goose? Surely the goose must have to land sometimes? Geese hatch in litters – what happened to the other goslings? Something must be wrong with these people. Why don’t they just accept the doctrine? Why do they hate the goose? We need a name for their sickness. Call it Goose Reluctance, and next time someone doesn’t jump to attention whenever you speak, you’ll know why. Of course, the comparison is unfair; ideas about eternal geese are beautiful, and DiAngelo’s are not. But the structure is the same. Could it be that Robin DiAngelo is a poor communicator selling a heap of worthless abstractions? No, it’s the workers who are wrong.

(By the way, how did you feel about that phrase, racial humility? I didn’t like it, but her book is full of similar formulations – she also wants us to ‘build our racial stamina’ and ‘attain racial knowledge.’ Now, maybe I’m an oversensitive kike, but I can’t encounter phrases like these and not hear others in the background. Racial spirit. Racial consciousness. Racial hygiene. And somewhere, not close but coming closer, the sound of goosestepping feet.)

I didn’t seek out any of the material I talk about here. It came to me. And it’s making me feel insane. The only social media I use these days is Instagram – because if I’m going to be hand-shaping orecchiette all night, and serving it with salsiccia, rapini, and my own home-pickled fennel, it’s not for my own pleasure, and I demand to receive a decent 12 to 15 likes for my efforts. (I will not be accepting your follow request.) A week ago, on the 2nd of June, my feed was suddenly swarming with white people posting blank black squares. People I’d never known to be remotely political, people whose introduction to politics was clearly coming through the deranged machine of social media. Apparently, that was ‘Blackout Tuesday.’ I don’t know whose clever idea this was, and I don’t want to know, but it came with a threat. If all your friends are posting the square, and you’re not, does it mean you simply don’t care enough about black lives? Around the same time, I was helpfully made aware of a viral Instagram album titled Why The Refusal To Post Online Is Often Inherently Racist. I honestly can’t imagine how terrifying it must be to live like this – always on edge, always trying to be Good, always trying to have your Goodness recognised by other people, in a game where the scores are tracked by what you post on the internet, and the rules are always changing.

[thefinalkey16]

KH3 Re:Mind spoilers/Reactions

So Xemnas gave the order?? To find the box?? But why??

So did Xigbar actually lose the box? YOU HAD ONE JOB

Oh we’re starting HERE HUH

I forgot how pretty the graphics are

Why is Riku so pretty???

Nomura really went “this DLC is about SOKAI and I’m gonna make sure you KNOW IT.”

Nomura really cares about his ship and I appreciate it so much

LETS GO SAVE OUR GIRL!

Heck yeah REMIND TIME

I love the music in this game so much

YES WE GET MORE MOM

Why does MOM adopt smol children lol

It bothers me that MOM has no actual face behind the hood. It’s like Ansem’s original form

So Xehanort is where Xemnas’s confusion of the heart comes from lol

OH THIS IS PREMASTER XEHANORT

I’m sorry, Xehanort is more powerful than darkness?

I’m sorry MOM is too scared to take off the coat???

MOM is a psychology teacher who gets exasperated by his dumb students

OH THATS JUST RUDE NOMURA

LEMME KNOW HIS NAME

A lost..Master?

Well we know where Xehanort got the hands behind the back walk from

OOO A NEW THEME

OH I LOVE IT

I’m 100% sure that MOM told him his name was “Noneya,” and it took a few decades before he realized what he actually said

DID THEY TELEPORT TO LOOK COOL ON THE ROCKS

I’m sorry they have holograms??

Did they actually call him Riku Replica lol

Wait they were actually nobodies

XEMNAS AND XEHANORT WERE REPLICAS?

“Why we have assembled here,” because Xemnas and Sora destroyed your sick castle

Poor Terra got possessed TWICE?

Demyx! You get Demyx!

I’m sorry 20??

No. I

Oh so they don’t actually remember Xion

Does.. does Xigbar remember Xion?

Wow they got Vexen just to get his daughter in their gang. How rude

Xehanort fell asleep while they chatted I’m cackling

Crazy old man

Now when do I get to save Kairi? :3c

YAY ITS TIME

YAY ITS CHIRITHY TIME

ITS MY SMOL KITTY

“Back so soon?”=you died again?? You’re lame

Chirithy is a mood

Sora you watched your GF get shattered

Oh so that’s why Sora dies

IS SORA SAILOR PLUTO

Oh my god he’s Sailor Pluto

Lose powers? He’s done that so many times 😂

Getting banned from one world? He had a phone and friends with gummi ships lol

ARE WE GONNA SEE EVERONES HEART STATION??

NOOO VEN That still hurts to watch

AWW SORA TRIED TO CATCH HIM

Wow he’s a ghosty ghost

Oh I love Ven’s heart station so much

Wow Vanitas really said that Ven is Baby

YAS GIMME VANITAS

Also wow Vanitas is protecting Ven’s heart and I love that

OH NO NOT THIS GUY

I beat him by using Meow Wow. meow wow is best boy

Oh no oh no it’s this pet

Gotta love Big Bro Lea

I forgot they call him Axel

ITS THE HUG

It’s Donald’s Safrifice ;-;

Donald Really channeled his inner Molly Weasley and said “Not my son you WITCH.”

WASTED

Also aw Sora got to see what Donald did for the first time

AQUA’S STATION IS SO PRETTY

Poor Aqua ;-; this is the moment where everyone hates her for

Also aww she trusts Kairi to protect them

We love Big Sis Aqua

YES WE GET ANTI AQUA FIGHT AGAIN

NAMINEEEEE

I’m literally screaming and I scared my grandma

Oh my god She lost Kairi and she immediately went to Sora cause she knew she’d be safe there ;-;

Namine’s Really here bringing everyone together

Agsisgsjdg I forgot Terra can do the keyblade whip thing lol

AND the cannon

Wow they’re really fighting in the sky

Anyone else getting Star Wars vibes

AWW HE JUST WANTS TO PROTECT HIS FAMILY

I still hate Terra’s pants

Imagine your heart crushing your body. Like really

NO LINGERING WILL

HECK YEAH SORA YOU KICK THEIR BUTT

Wow Sora you’re so cocky

LINGERING WILL NO

OH MY GOD

I forgot that Marluxia is an Ouran Host Club character

Wait, that Mickey finisher was new, wasn’t it?

Okay but I still have no idea what Xemnas did to Luxord

Cards: *Appear*

Sora: PTSD from watching his friends get destroyed from the cards in the manga

Mickey: *is captured*

Sora: PTSD intensifies

I’m really happy that we get to replay all of the Organization battles, they’re so much fun!

I’m so soft for Replinami ;-;

He loves her so much, and all he wants is for her to be safe and happy ;-;

Ven: we aren’t the same. You’re Edgy. I’m Baby

Aqua when Sora appears: TWO Baby’s :0

“If I’m a traitor, then Kairi’s the trump card.” LEA DRINKS RESPECT KAIRI JUICE

Aww Kairi’s so confused. She doesn’t see how she could be a trump card ;-;

HE STRAIGHT UP FLEXED

AWW XION REMEMBERS

Ohhh Isa’s jealous.

YES THW CHAKRAMS

LETS GO

Jealousy mode has been activated in Isa

WHAT WAS THAT RUN

OH MY GOD THAT SCREAM

YES KAIRI GO

PROTEXT YOUR BRO

“Yup” Kairi really just wants this over with so she can go home 😂

The way Kairi’s face lights up at seeing Sora gives me life.

Wow Xemnas was really hurt by Axel’s betrayal. Frankly? I’m shocked.

XION’S HAND IS SMOKING

HER HAND IS BURNING BECAUSE SHES GRABBING THE BLADE

Xemnas does NOT drink Respect Xion juice

ROXAS KEPT XION’S MEMORIES SAFE INSIDE HIM

AND SHE HAS HER FACE BECAUSE HE GAVE THEM BACK TO HER

Lea cares about the small girls he adopted as his little sisters

AWW THE THREE OF THEIR HEARTS ARE CONNECTED

NO XION ISNT ON HIS HEART ANYMORE

YES KAIRI’S HERE TO KICK BUTT

Wow Nomura really got tired of people dissing Kairi so he amped her up with cool stuff

��Oh? Tired of Kairi not doing anything?” Heres her literally overpowering Xemnas and him having to restrain her with a stop spell and magic to stop her

KAIRI IS THE SCARLET WITCH AND XEMNAS IS THANOS

Oh and in case you think she’s weak? Here’s the same thing for Sora too.

God I love Nomura

Oh my god she’s in so much pain because of the darkness

OH MY GOD SHES IN SO MUCH PAIN BECAUSE OF THE DARKENSS

SORA LITERALLY FAINTED AFTER 2 SECONDS BUT KAIRI’S HOLDING ON OH MY GOD THE STRENGTH

OOOOOOOO ROXAS TIME

The MUSIC

THEIR ATTACK IS CALLED “THINKING OF YOU” BECAUSE THEY REMEMBERED XION I CANT

I can not believe i was forced to relive watching Kairi die

SHE WAS CRYSTALLIZED?? SHES NOT DEAD??

I love Donald and Goofy so much ;-;

They aren’t gonna leave their son alone

Also wow Xehanort was just staring there forever

I FORGOT WE GET TO EXPLORE SCALA :D

KAIRI?!?!

Getting KH1 vibes with this

“The heartless that is radiating light” how is that possible??

Okay but this is such a good parallel to the first game, with him saving Kairi ;-;

Except for the fact that HEARTLESS SORA DIDNT GET BEAT UP

Okay so her heart is a thassala shell. Will we have to collect the pieces to make her wayfinder?

Oh my god I see the thing at the top of the screen. We totally are making her wayfinder ;-;

THAT MEANS SHE LITERALLY GAVE HIM HER HEART SO HE COULS RETURN IT TO HER OH MY GOOOOD

Okay so I love the puzzles they have here

XEHANORT?!

I’m sorry you hid her heart? What are you, five?

What do you MEAN almost out of time?!

OH NO KINGDOM HEARTS

Oh no not these guys again

So many keyholes

IM SORRY IS THIS WIZARD OF OZ

Oh my god Lea is so overwhelmed lol

SGAKSSGE ROXAS CAUGHT XION

Okay so for the team ups, I love how all of them were mix and matched from the trio’s

I loved Terra and Riku, the Master and apprentice

I loved Ven, Roxas, and I can’t remember who else was in it. “Thanks Roxas.” “Youre welcome. You’re not too bad yourself.” THAT WAS ADORABLE

Xion, Aqua and Mickey being mages and protecting everyone

Aqua and Lea, him trying to talk and Aqua telling him to shut up and focus

MICKEY’S STRUGGLE TO SAVE HIS FRIENDS BROKE MY HEART

We now present: Kingdom Hearts 3: connect he dots

Connect. Connect the dots. Get it?

KAIRI’S HEART MADE A FLOWER

THE KH2 THING

“SORA :D”

THEIR HUG

HE JUST HOLDS HER CLOSE

TIME FOR PLAYABLE KAIRI BABBYYYYYYY

“I can do this.” YES YOU CAN

I’m sorry you think I want to play as Sora? After waiting my whole life to play Kairi? HA

KAIRI IS THE MOST POWERFUL

Seven wishes saved me in that fight

ONE HEART

THEY HAVE ANGEL WINGS

OKAY YALL HAD YOUR SORIKU ATTACK NOW WE GOT SOKAI :D

Now we just need Rikai and Sorikai and it’ll be complete ^^

AGSKSGSKDGSJS CHIRITHY

“I was trying to give you some privacy” awwww

CHIRITHY IS CRYING

THEYRE GOING ON DATES

Chirithy has my soul and I love it

Every scene with Chirithy adds 7 years to my life

Afsjsgsajg Sora DONT PUSH THE CAT

NAMINE

THEY WERE THERE TO FREE HER HEART

Aaand he’s gone and I’m crying again

LIMITCUT EPISODE TIME BABBYYYY

GAJSGSJDG RIKU AND TERRA ARE TOGETHER

Oh my god Riku and Terra being bro’s are my favorite thing

Wait what are they gonna do

ARE THEY SEALING THE WORLD

OH MY GOD THE ARMOR

HOW DARE THEY NOT SHOW US THE FRONT PARTS

OH they’re going to search for Sora!

IS RIKU IN CHARGE OF THE LAND OF DEPARTURE

ONE YEAR???

Agajsgsjdg MERLINS HOUSE

CLOUD

PRETTY BOY

YUFFFIIEEE

AERIITH

CID

OH MY GOD THE GANGS ALL TOGETHER

THEY WENT TO THE REALM OF DARKNESS WHAT

“The Twilight Town gang” ITS OFFICIAL

OH NO WHAT HAPPENED TO KAIRI

WHY DOES HE LOOK SAD

NO WHATS GOING ON WITH KAIRI

They’re searching her heart?

SHES BEEN ASLEEP FOR A YEAR?!

Riku’s been all ALONE

DATA SORA??

Battalion oh my god lol

I’m mad about Kairi being asleep for a year though

AGSJSGS WE GET TO EXPLORE

Wow. A video game inside of a video game

I spent the rest of the day failing the Data battles and making funny Data Greeting pictures. Hopefully I’ll be better st the battles tomorrow!

[momtemplative]

MASKED.

1.

In a house with two young kids, our quickest sanity-stabilizer in this COVID era was to head outside and go for a walk, or a bike ride, or to roller skate. We’d pay close attention to the proximity of passers-by, but typically the grassy fields by the bike paths were an open canvas for the kids to blow off some steam. And we’d all return home a bit winded and slightly more stable. 

Then, a little more than two weeks ago, a strong recommendation came from Governor Polis for everyone to wear masks in public. But what, pray-tell, was “public” referring to? 

Here’s what the CDC endorsed: wearing cloth face coverings in public settings where other social distancing measures are difficult to maintain (e.g., grocery stores and pharmacies) especially in areas of significant community-based transmission.

So that’s what we assumed Polis recommended as well. That night we even had a happy hour gathering with our neighbors, all at least 6-feet-away, but without masks. We didn’t feel like we were being sneaky or non-compliant, we were simply following the guidelines as we understood them. 

But then we started seeing people in their yards wearing masks, and on walks wearing masks— in addition to 6-feet! There was an eerie infiltration of mask-wearers, and, with that, the non-verbal communication of an abrupt change of protocol. Our sacred, oft-traveled, 1,000-step bike path that loops around the block started to feel unfamiliar, as if it were a movie set peppered with strangers, wearing homemade cloth curtains over their cheeks. 

We quickly felt like a minority out there with our bare faces.

2.

An afternoon walk was once a favorite time of day—quarantine or not. Quickly though, in light of the current mask situation, and before I began to wear one, my brain started to get stuck in a grinding pattern of managing everyone else’s whereabouts in accordance with my own. I noticed that I was judging those who were masked, at least in part because I was sure they were judging me. 

Their judgment and my judgment felt cut from the same cloth: judgement as a way of controlling the uncontrollable. There is so much confusion about protocols. So much fear of the radio broadcast of white noise and speculation that is to be our future. All these feelings get lumped together into just trying to do it right. I returned from one particular walk stiff as a board and deeply grumpy.

“Jesse,” I said, “I’m not going on a walk again without a mask.”

3.

I opted out of any domestic sewing of masks at first, and started with my old-lady cardigan tied around my face like a waist. I then upgraded to a bedazzled bandana that I bought to fill Opal’s Easter basket last year. I love the happy fabric, but it wouldn’t stay up over my nose for anything beyond the liquor drive-through (my singular biweekly errand). Store-bought masks are not an option. They’ve been back-ordered for weeks and if the stock is replenished, it needs to be saved for the blessed healthcare workers.

By the next weekend, Jesse and Opal wore masks that they made from a YouTube video, using mustard-yellow t-shirts and rubber bands, while on a bike ride. That ride turned out to be very brief because, according to Opal, it was so hard to breathe. 

4.

The solidarity and confidence that come from wearing a mask are helpful and significant, sure. But the act of wearing a mask changes the experience entirely. 

On a purely physical level, it muddles your peripheral vision, steams up your glasses, makes it hot and very hard to breathe. 

On a social-emotional level, the masks create a real separation between people. It feels similar to being at a costume party—even if the invite list includes most of your friends, everyone is suddenly anonymous. 

I walked behind two people (in masks) and a dog from a block away that I thought were my beloved next door neighbors. I even hollered at them. (They didn't hear me.) Then I got closer and realized it was a different dog and very much not my neighbors. It’s all very disorienting.  

5.

One week in, and Opal has taken Polis’s suggestion as gospel. Of course, I don’t blame her. Sometimes when we are out and about, so is the rest of the neighborhood. During those times, the mask feels safe and dare-I-say comforting. (Like we are good, complaint citizens. Go us.) But other times, there is nobody outside. I tell Opal, “Sweetie, we can keep our masks around our chins until we see someone (dozens of feet away!) and then put up our masks.” 

Opal’s reply: NOT A CHANCE.

I try to imagine what it would be like to experience all this at age ten. What other such details has her system become accustomed to over the last month? Zoom call playdates, online school, little sister around all-the-effing-time. Maybe some feelings come out sideways? Maybe everything seems overwhelming and busy even though very little is happening?

In the olden days, before COVID, any sort of outdoor trek was soul-nourishing for all of us. It ticks a lot of boxes: sunshine, fresh air, exercise for me and the dog and the kids, a brain reset. Now, masked, such an activity is beyond taxing. Ruth has no desire to keep her mask on and she’s a runner. We can bribe her with a lollipop to stay in the stroller, but the girth of the BOB, along with the leashed (80-pound) dog requires skill and intentional footing on an average day. Trying to juggle it all through a face-drape is the emotional equivalent of walking through tar. A guaranteed headache.

Returning to our backyard, with its creaky swingset and patchwork yard, and removing our masks (along with the associated invisible constraints) is beyond restorative.

“That’s the best part about a mask,” Opal said. “Taking it off and having the air taste so fresh and cold again.”

6.

On Sunday morning—a few days ago and two solid weeks into the mask-in-public rules of conduct—the kids were scattered on the floor watching Frozen while I folded laundry and Jesse tinkered away at the sewing machine. Project: to sew face-masks that fit each of us properly. It was a lovely scene of the times. I would imagine Norman Rockwell painting such an episode if he were alive during COVID. A family of four (plus cat, plus dog) in their natural weekend habitat. Slow to dress, sipping juice or coffee, and, sewing face masks.

“Ruth,” Jesse said, “Come on over here and try this on to see if it fits.” Ruth scurried over to him to try on her mask like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Later that day, I walked our dog wearing the mask Jesse so lovingly crafted for me (after three fittings). It was exquisite, hands-free, spacious around the mouth. He even used the sweetest yellow-petal, summer dress fabric. When I returned, I kissed him straight through the mask.

7.

In spite of a good fit, it still takes exponentially more effort to greet someone while masked—you have to yell or over-gesture to compensate for the fact that both of your faces are completely erased. Because we wear ours primarily outside, most people are in sunglasses with their masks. But if not, they are far enough away where eye-reading is not an option. It’s all a straight-up guessing game.

More often than not, for the sake of simplicity, it’s just me and the dog these days. Typically, I have my dog’s leash in my left hand, and a steamy bag of his shit in my right that gets carried for countless unpleasant blocks. This is due to the lack of public trash facilities on the neighborhood routes I find are easier to navigate within the guidelines of 6-feet-between. Bike paths are pretty tight if there isn’t open space to veer off on either side. And now I’ve got my mask on, and fogged-up sunglasses. The uniform is similar to that of someone on Halloween in a last-minute ghost-sheet costume, with just the eyes cut out, cobbling along with both hands full. This is not a “path is the journey” sort of moment. I’m lucky if I can twitch out a head-nod or an elbow-wave to a passer-by.

It feels important to counteract the separation that has become synonymous with health and life. But I’d be lying if I said I was able to muster a greeting every time.

8.

In our culture, masks (when not worn in a medical setting) often represent sinister actions—bandits or bank robbers or the KKK who want to hide defining features.

For many Asian countries, mask-wearing was a cultural norm even before the coronavirus outbreak. In East Asia, many people are used to wearing masks when they are sick or when it's hayfever season, because it's considered impolite to sneeze or cough in public.

The 2003 Sars virus outbreak, which affected several countries in the region, also drove home the importance of wearing masks, particularly in Hong Kong, where many died as a result of the virus. Says the BBC news: “One key difference between these societies and Western ones, is that they have experienced a contagion before—and the memories are still fresh and painful.”

I recently read a story about two black men who were wearing masks at Walmart—fully in compliance and trying to keep themselves safe—when they were accosted by police. It hit me like a whip how individualized each of us are experiencing this pandemic. I skoff at my mask because it’s a pain-in-the-ass. But I’ll never be faced with also having to weigh the risks of racial profiling.

Delving further, I read that to-mask-or-not-to-mask has become a way to take a political stance. Trump supporters carrying “My body, My choice” signs, with an illustration of a crossed-out mask—this is a common image to see in the media right now.

The Washington Post said: “Even as governors, mayors and the federal government urge or require Americans to wear masks in stores, transit systems and other public spaces to contain the spread of the novel coronavirus, the nation is divided about whether to comply. And it is divided in painfully familiar ways — by politics and by attitudes about government power and individual choice.”

So, clearly, it is about so much more than just a mask.  

9.  

This just in. 

In a press conference that took place a few days ago, April 20th, Governor Jared Polis and state epidemiologist Dr. Rachel Herlihy outlined how life may change in Colorado as soon as next week, when “shelter-in-place” shifts to “safer-at-home.” They are essentially the same, just with a select few businesses opening with strict distancing rules and incremental shifts toward less physical distancing over all. Polis mentions nothing different about mask-wearing. Meaning, still wear them in public, especially if you can’t get 6-feet-between, especially if you’ve been exposed or have symptoms.

I noticed an immediate difference on my walk following his announcement. There was a family of four playing frisbee in an open space without masks! My initial feeling was wait, WTF? (And yes, I realize we are living in a strange state of affairs for my initial reaction to a beautiful family frolicking in a field to be contempt.) There was a man throwing a ball for his dog in a park that still had many visible CLOSED signs—also NO MASK. (Again, WTF??) I then gave a wide, grassy birth to a group of mask-free bike riders. 

I notice my mask feels more like a burden on my face without the unifying solidarity of everyone doing it. We all seem to be getting different memos.

There’s a huge relief that people are back to having faces, to be sure. I miss people. I love faces. But I have to admit that in spite of my hemming and hawing, I’d gotten used to feeling protected. It’s impossible to make sense of any of it. Even little Ruth came in yesterday and gave a tiny cough. “I’m sick,” she said, “Since I didn’t wear a mask today.” 

Circling back to the facts, the only thing worth grasping at right now, I am challenged to find any bit of news to suggest that our household need to be wearing masks while out on walks—under any level of regulation thus far. Neither Jesse nor myself are working outside of the house. We don’t visit with friends or family. (Big sigh.* We miss everyone terribly.) The odds of us being silent carriers are beyond slim. We are not immuno-compromised. So wearing masks these last few weeks—while still on socially distanced walks—could probably be categorized as an act of cultural alignment, an act of doing everything we can for the cause. 

As of right now, this moment, I do not see our mask-wearing as being impactful to our macro OR micro community. So, for the sake of preserving the sanity of our tiny culture for the long haul, I vote that we wear our beautifully-Jesse-crafted masks on our chins, like flattened feathers at the ready. 

“As it (the “safer-at-home” regulations) rolls off April 27, we need to figure out how to run the marathon now that we’ve run the sprint,” Governor Polis said in his most recent press conference. “I hate to break it to you, but the easy part was the sprint.”

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Episode 9 Review

Tephi was upset that I didn't include this in my last post:

Ah, Farquaad. Who I just looked up the voice actor of- John Lithgow?! Wow, ok then. Farquaad, you may have been one of the few characters who had absolutely no redeeming qualities. I mean, at least the pictures I posted were of characters who had beneficial goals, even if they went about them in the most cartoonishly evil ways possible. Farquaad was just a dick. But that quote does a damn good job of summing up Bunny-Cat.

Afraid that I’ve been busy studying for a test this Monday, but I think I can snag some time Tuesday morning to start Ep 10. Until then, maybe a short post on my thoughts-

Keeper of Tales said:Ranubis you have probably noticed the sharp up-swell in conversation since you began hitting oh, episodes three, six, eight and nine. Part of this is that you came into this series with a very different mindset than usual and there was a real risk of ruining that. If you read this before the next episode could you tell us what your thoughts upon the characters are and how they have changed? The entire cast if you can. Thank you for your time.

Ok, make that a detailed response on each of the characters. Here we go!

Madoka Kaname

Our title character and protagonist… who’s kinda just been along for the ride all this time. She really bucks the trend of main characters that I’ve gotten used to in most shows. No powers, no real strengths of her own beyond her kind nature. Heck, if she wasn’t the first character to appear and the show wasn’t named after her it wouldn’t be hard to call her a side character. I think back to Gurren Lagann, how Simon had the same meek attitude and was overshadowed Kamina. But then, he got his mini-mech by the end of the first episode, Madoka has yet to pick up any tools. Even Sayaka showed up next episode with a baseball bat, Madoka’s just been tagging along.

And yet, everything revolves around her. Madoka had the Future Dream at the very beginning. Sayaka got involved because she was Madoka’s best friend. Homura focused on Madoka that first school day and tried to warn her away from the trials of Magical Girl-ing. Mami tried to recruit Madoka because she sensed she would become a powerful MG in helping defend the city. Kyoko, who showed up as a hard-line Magical Girl, in the space of apparently a few days joined the Madoka Protection Brigade. And of course, it’s clear now that the Incubator’s been manipulating things to ensure that Madoka makes a Contract, that will net it a ton of emergy.

Still, we’re nearing the end of the show, and I’m 50/50 on whether or not that Madoka will actually make a Contract, especially if Homura has anything to say about it. I mean, if the Incubator flat-out tells her that only she with MG powers can save the day, her helpful attitude is going to steer her straight into selling her soul. The question remains: how far is Homura going to go to stop that?

Sayaka Miki

Best friend of the main character, initially I was amused at how she bucked the Red Oni, Blue Oni trope as being much more outgoing and aggressive than Madoka (pink is a lightish-red, it fits). That got flipped around later when she turned into a Paladin and contrasted with Kyoko. Such a fun character, cheerfully bringing a common baseball bat to fight the monsters, calling herself an Ally of Justice, a great heroine. Unfortunately, it seems that that is Urobuchi’s favorite character-type to stomp on, the show could probably be called “Everything goes wrong for this poor girl Sayaka”. She loses her soul, her crush, her idealism… guh,

It was just depressing, seeing how Sayaka kept going further and further into her Paladin identity until she had nothing left. Losing her optimism, going on a Roaring Rampage of Despair fighting familiars instead of getting Grief Seeds… I keep thinking about Homura about to kill Sayaka. She said it was to protect Madoka from more suffering, but I think that there was at least a little bit of mercy to Sayaka there too. Kill the girl, before she becomes a Witch.

I just wish that things could have been better for Sayaka. She meant well, wanted to save people. Yes, there was an element of wanting to be with Kamijo in her Wish, but can you really blame her for that? She wanted to be a hero. Instead, she became a monster.

Kyubey (Incubator)

Yeah. I can only imagine how you jerks were sniggering in my early posts. I mean, I start out thinking “Ok, here’s the show’s mascot, I’m a little creeped out by the red eyes but whatever.” Then I start thinking he’s cute, plays off the girls well. Then I get annoyed at how he keeps acting like a salesman, really pushing the girls on the Contract. Then… well, then Bunnycat was revealed for the absolute jerk it is.

Seriously. The show’s mascot turns out to be the main villain, twisting plans and leaving snide little comments to achieve it’s goal of turning these young girls into batteries. No, not batteries, coal: fit for one quick burst of energy, who cares where the smoke goes afterwards. All that smiling, those cute comments, those pushes for a contract to be made, not telling the girls the true cost of the Contract even when he knows, or rather because, it knows how they will act, implying (but never outright lying) actions that play right into its tiny, bloodstained paws.

And we can’t even kill it, apparently. Homura shot it what I would normally call an unnecessary amount of times. But as it turns out, it was just a waste of ammo, since the Incubator can just show up in a new body. It can show up without an invite apparently anywhere, it can’t be killed… in a show of murdering Witches, it is the real monster.

Mami Tomoe

Mami… :’(

I was so happy when she showed up that first episode. An experienced Magical Girl who can summon a ton of muskets? Standing up to the (apparent) Bad Girl, taking our main character and sidekick under her wing? And she only got better from there, teaching our characters about the world, fighting a Witch one-on-one, destroying it with an artillery piece and then landing for tea.

Classy.

Then we get a tragic backstory, she’s shown to be lonely. But our characters are there to help her fight these monsters and stop whatever plan the Bad Girl is brewing up! And look at that, she and Madoka are so adorable together, I can’t wait for them to-

And then Urobuchi took my heart and stabbed it.

Mami’s story should not have ended there. If she had just listened to Homura about the Witch, if Madoka or Sayaka had Contracted and could help her, if she had not gone into that fight distracted and happy about the future and focused more… but she didn’t. And she died.

Ever since that episode, Mami’s absence has cast a pall over everything. Madoka is understandably terrified from seeing her mentor eaten right in front of her, Sayaka was driven to imitate Mami’s lone fighter style, Kyoko got involved because she was attracted to the “open territory”, and Homura seemed to hope that it would scare off the Muggles from Contracting.

For a while, I thought that “Ok, that took me completely by surprise, but now I see what will make the girl’s Contract! Madoka will wish for Mami back, we’ll get our lovely team fighting these monsters a little more cautiously now that they know the risks but it’ll still be exciting and they will be adokrable on these missions and Sayaka will tease them for being so cute and…”. But nope, it was just the start of the Pain Train.

Kyoko Sakura

Oh jeez, has my perspective of Kyoko changed from that first scene of her looking down on the town. At first I thought she’d just be a competitor, maybe an ally of Homura. Then she spouts off her philosophy of letting Familiars go to kill people, and she supplanted Homura (who I thought planted that Hospital Grief Seed and caused Mami’s death) on my List. Urobuchi then worked his magic and made me sympathetic for a character who had so much working against her, with a backstory more tragic than Mami’s, the discovery of the true nature of Magical Girls, and her growing attraction to Sayaka even as the Ally of Justice was crumbling, all culminating in me screaming at my computer as she kisses her Soul Gem and sacrifices herself to defeat Sayaka’s Witch and save Homura and Madoka.

Kyoko, I would like to apologize. I can understand where you started from, seeing your family die in connection to your well-meaning Wish, and how you would focus on yourself after being hurt so badly. I am so proud of you, for rising from that and regaining your morals, to the point of helping out Madoka.

Homura Akemi

Homura. Homura, Homura, Homura.

I started this show convinced that you were the Big Bad, or at least an agent of them. Then, before I learned the true nature of the Incubator and thought that there was an anti-Kyubey running around causing the Witches (I can only imagine how much you lot enjoyed that, thank you so much for not spoiling me), I considered that maybe she was just trying to secure her own power, remove competition so that she is secure. Then there was the huge “Homura summons Wally-Witch to get a Super Grief Seed, cannot put down what she called up” theory that I thought would culminate as the series finale, give our main characters time to shine and teach Homura the power of Friendship.

Then the true nature of Magical Girls was revealed, and she was not surprised. Then she attempted to kill Sayaka, citing that doing so would spare Madoka pain. Then she killed the Incubator (but not really).

Then we learned that she is a time traveler.

Just… just wow. It actually makes sense. All of my crazy theories, and time travel trumps them all. She knows the truth about Magical Girls because she learned it in the previous timeline. She knows Bunnycat is a dick because it pulled all this shit before. She tried to warn the girls away from Contracting because she knew the costs, and that they would turn into Witches. She knows that Wally-Witch is coming, to the day, because that’s what happened before-

Oh! I get it now! I really get it! That Dream Vision, Homura fighting the Super Witch but losing, reaching out to Madoka… I get what happens now. Madoka arrives to see Homura is losing. She knows that with all the other MGs dead, there’s no choice. She makes the Contract with the Incubator.

And for her Wish? She Wishes for Homura to get another chance, or something along those lines. And the Incubator (who is a dick) ‘interprets’ that in the way that best suits its interests, and throws Homura into another timeline, so that they can harvest Madoka twice.

Damn it. If I understood the credits-teaser right, next episode is going to be Homura’s story. If we see this happen, Homura reaching our timeline only to try and warn people, but no-one believes her… this is going to be rough.

[pandoradeloeste]

Let’s Go Steal A Dystopia: a proposed season 6

(partially inspired by my state being on fire and my country shooting noncombatants in another country with tear gas)

TL;DR: Season 6 is about the actual building of Leverage International. Step 1: do not post the Black Book to the dark web with no context or groundwork. (Guess which step Hardison skipped.)

Season 6 opens with a 30-second recap of the last scene in The Long Goodbye Job: the team gathers around the hard drive containing the Black Book, Hardison talks about putting it on the dark web and building Leverage International, Eliot promises to take care of them until his dying day, and we have the overhead shot of Nate and Sophie leaving with Parker’s line about being OK playing over it.

SMASH CUT to the trio parkouring through a not-quite-dystopian Portland street. Parker is grim and no-nonsense, and has none of the joie de vivre that usually accompanies her skilled physical work. Hardison is holding a tablet and frantically hacking as he runs. Eliot does his best to keep rioters and security mooks from attacking Parker and Hardison. As they reach their destination, Eliot pulls out a gun and methodically shoots the mooks who are about to reach them. Parker and Hardison watch Eliot for a second and share a look that says that this isn’t the first time he’s shot someone on a job since Moreau, and they know what it costs him.

The job for the first two episode is fairly simple, something like “a CEO is holding my husband hostage to make me program a bad thing, help me get him back”. The job takes two episodes and we don't actually see much of it, because we have a lot of worldbuilding to get through. The episodes are structured like an episode of Lost, where a lot of the time is spent in flashback to what happened when the team assumed that Leverage International would just happen on its own when they declared open season on the corporations that caused the financial crisis. 

With no organization, it was every thief and team for themselves, leading to complete chaos. Teams got in each other's way, starting fighting among themselves, some of the more amoral people saw the Black Book as an opportunity to exploit corporations' weaknesses and grab power for themselves - it’s basically Game of Thrones by way of Shadowrunners. Meanwhile corporations, who have various world governments (including our own) in their pockets, complain that they’re under attack, and governments respond by removing constraints on corporations (goodbye antitrust laws and consumer protections) and restricting civil rights in the name of “security” - basically the authoritarian bullshit we’re seeing with Trump but turned up to 11. People protested, which made the government crack down harder, and the cycle continued until the US now has fully militarized police using sonic cannons and live ammunition against anyone they think is antifa, and not even pretending to do actual police work anymore.

(And oh yeah, climate change is still happening, probably not being helped by the Louvre and most of Portland burning down.)

Within the team, things are not looking good. The trio is keenly aware that their weaknesses helped create their current global crisis.

Hardison did what he was warned not to do: he got overconfident and made a mess, and then tried to fix it alone and made it bigger, until it was so big a team of three couldn’t contain it. When he’s not trying to put out fires, he’s paralyzed and obsessing about the body counts in Turkey and Estonia, the arrest rates in NYC, the migrant caravans at multiple countries’ borders being met with tear gas and bullets, etc.

Parker hasn’t learned how to be a leader so much as as the team member that comes up with the plan, but she knows it’s her responsibility to do something about the mess they made, and it turns out that being your romantic partner’s boss is Really Fucking Hard. She’s spent the last year making all the rookie leadership mistakes and swinging back and forth between authoritative and lax, micromanaging and overly hands-off, accidentally favoring Eliot and then Hardison, and stressing herself out until she occasionally has to run off and steal some diamonds solo to chill out.

Eliot. Sweet, loyal, gruff Eliot “I said I would take care of you till my dyin day and dammit Hardison I meant it” Spencer. He’s tried to pull the other two out of their guilt and shame spirals too many times to count, and he’s running himself into the ground trying to keep them safe while they try to fix the world, while also run some more mundane Leverage, Inc. jobs on the side (mostly on his own because the other two are too focused on their global crises and personal failings). A few months ago, after they narrowly escaping one of the police militias, Eliot came to the conclusion that the only way to keep his promise to Nate and Sophie was to start carrying a gun again. The only thing keeping him upright and fighting is his determination not to abandon Parker or Hardison.

During the first job of season 6, something happens to snap them out of it (I’m a fan of the “one team member has a meltdown that triggers catharsis for the whole team” method). Somehow they pull each other back, recommit to holding each other accountable and making each other better ("for better or worse we change together") and start actually building Leverage International.

It's slow going because whoever came up with the phrase about herding cats clearly never tried to get forty of the best criminals in the world, only half of whom speak English, to work together. First there's the logistical problem of finding them and getting them together (Tara and Quinn are gone, nobody knows where Nate and Sophie disappeared to, Archie died before things got really bad, and Hardison can't talk about Cha0s without breaking something), then getting them all to agree to the same principles and values. It’s basically several episodes of The Nigerian Job, but in multiple languages and a lot more in-fighting. The finale is a big ambitious job taking down a large company, maybe Wakefield, that solidifies the international team.

Seasons 7 and 8 are the "let's go steal a capitalism" seasons. This is when the major powers (US, Russia, China, EU, etc) have basically given up all pretense of governing, and it's up to Leverage International to basically perform a dozen coups all at once and rebuilds them as socialist states with better antitrust laws, universal healthcare, strategies to rein in climate change, and free housing. I’m bad at building utopias, though - I’ll let someone else plot that out.

[arlingtonpark]

SNK 110 Review

#cultoferen4life edition

You know what’s a face you don’t want to find yourself making during a high stakes poker game? Confusion and surprise.

The fact that the EFC has the upper hand in this game of political cat-and-mouse is becoming more obvious by the chapter - no, by the page.

In this one chapter the Eldian Freedom Caucus has: 

Infiltrated the military. 

Killed Paradis’ leader. 

Busted Eren out of jail. 

And turned the people against the government.

Let me be clear here: this is it. It’s game time. Zero hour. The EFC is making its move, and as for our heroes?

“What’s going on right now?”

They’ve been caught with their pants around their ankles!

And so the trend continues. The EFC acts, the moderates react. They leak information to the public, Paradis reacts by jailing them. They secretly meet with Eren, Paradis reacts by jailing the volunteers. And the one time Paradis tries to take the initiative, by labeling Zeke DOA and feeding him to Historia, is foiled, presumably by Zeke’s machinations. The extremists are always five steps ahead, meanwhile the moderates are struggling just to keep up. The bad guys are winning, here.

Words cannot describe how fucked they all are right now.

But on the plus side- things I predicted that have been confirmed by this chapter: 

The presence of a right-wing nationalist faction among the population.

That these people look to Eren for leadership.

That they do it because he’s a war hero and has the Founding Titan.

Bow before me for I am your new King!

It’s not surprising at all that Eren is in league with the nationalists. Yeah, Eren cares a lot about his friends and about the Eldian people in general. That’s not a bad thing. That’s also not the point.

I cannot stress this enough.

It’s beside the point that Eren is (presumably) doing this because he wants to protect what’s important to him. Eren is a bad person because he thinks in a bad way. He thinks like a nationalist. And it’s not just him.

Floch, Louise, and reaching into our world for examples, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin, these people and Eren are all cut from the same cloth. They all think the same way. That is what binds them.

The thing that’s important to understand about these people is that dominance plays a huge role in how they assess the world. People like Eren have a very brutalistic worldview. They think there are only two kinds of people in this world: strong people and weak people, with the strong naturally dominating the weak.

That Eren sees things this way is made clear in the very first chapter of the series. In fact, it’s the very first thing he says:

“That day, the human race was reminded of the terror of being dominated by them and the shame of being held in a bird cage.”

The narrator is obviously supposed to be Eren and that’s been clear since chapter 1. The tell is when Eren describes humanity as being in a bird cage, which is exactly how the narrator described humanity’s state of affairs in the opening.

(As an aside, if Eren is the one telling the story of SNK to us and he’s still caught up in his right-wing nationalist mindset, then that basically tells you everything you need to know about how the story ends.)

The titans keep humanity from going out beyond the walls and Eren frames this as humanity being dominated. Furthermore, and tellingly, Eren describes this situation as being shameful.

Think about that.

How would you describe humanity’s situation?

Dire? Untenable? Awful? Besieged?

Now look at how Eren describes it.

Shameful.

Humanity has been forced to live on a limited tract of land with limited resources and the only thing Eren can think about is the indignity of it.

Like a nationalist would. The indignity of injustice being visited upon a tribe is a common trope amongst nationalists. It’s what fuels the sense of grievance they use to propel themselves to power.

Eren hated the titans even before they attacked Shighanshina. The reason why was expounded upon in chapter 73. It’s because they prevent him from experiencing the world outside the walls. This fact makes Eren feel an unnatural amount of anger towards the titans, even though the titans aren’t sapient and thus are unworthy of that anger.

The titans are not intelligent beings, they are, as far as the walldians know, a force of nature; being Eren levels of angry at them before the Grim Reminder is like being angry at the laws of physics for preventing us from exploring the universe.

“And that’s when I knew I wasn’t free. I realized I had been living in a birdcage all that time. And that gravity had taken my freedom. The universe was so big, but it’d forced me into a tiny cage. And when I realized that I knew I could never forgive it.”

The irrational animosity Eren displays against the titans reveals a certain kind of egomania on his part. Eren is pissed at the titans because he thinks they’ve taken something that belongs to him. He thinks he has a birthright to the world. We know he does because he flat out says so in chapter 14.

“Why did you ever want to go to the outside world?”

“That’s obvious, isn’t it? It’s because I was born into this world!!”

That’s ridiculous.

Eren, and everyone else for that matter, has no birthright to the outside world. As a person, Eren has the right to live as he chooses and that includes the right to live where you choose. But a couple things:

First, rights are not absolute. They can be justly limited, and there are exceptions to them. You have a right to freedom of speech, but you cannot slander others. You have a right to freedom of movement, but your right can be limited in the form of being required to fill out paper work and have a passport to travel. You have a right to life, but, under some circumstances, someone can kill you and not be in the wrong. Self-defense is the go-to example of this.

Second, rights cannot be violated by non-persons. Titans are not people; they are incapable of intelligent thought. Because they are not people, they are also not moral agents. Being a moral agent means you are capable of being held morally responsible for your actions. Because of that, titans are exempt from moral judgement. They cannot take your freedom any more so than a tornado can. To make such a claim would be completely irrational.

Yes, the titans physically limit Eren. Because of them he cannot go where he wishes to go. In that sense they have taken away his freedom. But it is important to distinguish between freedom as it pertains to getting what you want and freedom as it pertains to enjoying certain rights you are entitled to.

When it comes to Eren, the object of what drives him is the former, but he thinks of it in terms of the latter. In other words, he thinks he has a birthright to something by virtue of the fact that he wants it. He believes he has a right to see the outside world in the same way one may think they have a right to fuck a really hot person. Because “I was born.”

Seeing the world? That is a luxury. Especially in a world where 90% of the population lives in poverty.

Eren wanted to see the outside world but was prevented from doing so, and he hated the source of that prevention, the titans. He hated them because they dominated him, because they had power over his life. The fact that they had this power over him was not unfair. Concepts like fair/unfair, just/unjust, right/wrong cannot be applied to non-persons, as I just said. He hated them anyway because of the position of powerlessness it placed him in.

This is indicative of his dominance-centric mindset.

Implicit in Eren’s dominance-mindset is zero-sum thinking. Zero-sum thinking is a way of thinking about the world. People who think this way believe that if you win, someone else necessarily loses. There are only two kinds of people in this world: winners and losers. The strong and the weak. The dominators and the dominated.

Prediction time! I’m sure some people were floored when I pegged Eren as a right-wing nationalist as early as chapter 105. Now I’m back with an even wilder prediction: I think Eren might be a racist.

Seriously. His dominance-centric worldview. His zero-sum thinking. The underlying fundamentals of racist thought are there. Add in the fact he rejects the notion that the races can coexist and it’s hard to not speculate.

Racism here refers to the belief that there are fundamental differences between the races and that because of this the only way they can coexist is in a society where one dominates the other.  

Eren’s focus on dominance leads him to obsess over strength and being strong. If you think we live in a world where the strong dominate the weak, you naturally want to be strong. You want to be the dominator. Eren’s obsession with being strong is a through line for his character.

When Hannes is killed, Eren wails about how he’s still too weak to protect anything he cares about.

As they’re making preparations for the Battle of Orvud, Eren flashes back to his mother’s death. She died because he was weak. That’s what Hannes told him, though in a more tactful way. As recently as the end of the Uprising Arc, that’s how he thought of it. He punches himself, trying to beat a “useless, pathetic brat” out of him. Implicitly, he’s pledging to be strong and make a meaningful contribution.

Because they see the world in terms of dominance, Nationalists naturally are also obsessed with strength and shows of strength. Chest-thumping bluster is a common hallmark.

These two facets of Eren’s thinking, dominance and strength, come together in the moment he vows revenge on the titans.

“Mom’s gone!! I’m never going to see her again. Why is this happening to us? Is it because humans are weak? Is crying the only thing the weak can do?! I’m going to destroy them!! Every last one of those animals that’s on this Earth!!”

Revenge is another common nationalist trope. In a nationalist context, the term for it is revanchism. Revanchism, the word, is derived from the French term for “revenge.” After losing a war with Germany in the 1870s, part of France’s territory was subsumed by Germany. French nationalists vowed revenge. The Germans had taken their land from them. They were trespassing on land that belonged to the French people. Not the French government, but the people of France.

In more modern times, people like Donald Trump speak in revanchist terms. They speak of taking back what was theirs and punishing the ones who took it from them. Eren thinks the same way. Taking back America and punishing Obama and his followers. Taking back Wall Maria and punishing Reiner and Bertolt. Revanchism is the common denominator.

That moment in this chapter when Eren takes the proffered Hoodie of Douchebaggery and assumes the role as EFC leader has been a long time coming. It is a culmination. Eren has matured. What he has matured into is monstrous.

The titans may have been eradicated, but Paradis is still crawling with mindless monsters. They congregate near government buildings where their calls can be heard for miles.

“Slaughter the Marleyans!”

“Eren Yeager will deliver us unto the Promised Land!”

“Eren is soo hot!”

You know at least one person in that crowd was thinking that.

So you’ve got this guy. He’s an outlaw, but not just any outlaw. He’s an outlaw because he speaks the truth. He’s an outlaw because he stands up for the little guy and fights the corrupt, incompetent establishment. As far as the people of Paradis is concerned, that’s basically Eren, right? We can all agree on that, right?

Yes? Okay, good, in that case I’m probably going to have to skip the next chapter because if this is what Eren is to the people then you know what’s coming.

Eren Yeager: Folk hero.

God have mercy on us.

This is all Eren’s fault.

What did Eren spend the whole first half of this series calling for? He spent it calling for the people to see themselves as part of a singular group whose survival was at stake and to fight back. His plea was basically a nationalist one.

(Nationalism is, arguably, not inherently bad. If you are a genuinely oppressed group, some degree of nationalism could be a good thing.)

Well, Eren got what he wanted. He won. The people see themselves as a singular group under threat and are prepared to fight. Now they’re calling for genocide.

Killing all titans makes sense. Giant, non-intelligent animals that are a threat to you? Yeah, knock yourself out. But human beings? No, God no.

Eren has always called for the walldians to fight the titans. Implicit in that is the fact that this would be a fight to the death. Only one side was going to make it out of here alive. Either the titans kill all humans or humans kill all titans.

Eren’s plea, implicitly, was for the walldians to kill all titans.

That is what he was calling for and he got what he wanted. By the start of the Return to Shighanshina Arc, the people were cheering the Survey Corps on.

But titans aren’t the enemy anymore. The enemy is other human beings and you just can’t call for killing all humans because that’s fucked up. And yet here we are!

“Slaughter the Marleyans!”

The situation has changed but the kill all titans mentality Eren strove to cultivate in the minds of the people has carried over. The Eren’s plea for more walldian nationalism has well and truly backfired, though that’s assuming Eren himself sees this development as unfortunate.

Which he may well not.

And yes, if the walldians lose they will all be killed. But just because the Marleyans are swimming in the gutter doesn’t mean the walldians have to join them. This doesn’t have to be a “loser dies” type of situation. It only becomes that if both sides are committed to genociding the other in the event of victory.  

What Paradis needs, what all sides to this conflict need, are more people like Armin. People who are willing to be compassionate and forgiving even to their mortal enemy. People who are willing to de-escalate the situation and turn away from the brink.

The same is true for Marley. If some Armin-type character were to gain power in Marley then the chances of peace would shoot up dramatically. That’s how situations like this usually end up with a peaceful conclusion. Both sides are willing to make a good-faith effort at peace.

But that doesn’t seem to be coming. On Marley, no one in a position to do so is calling for peace. That’s not surprising given the attack they suffered. On Paradis, people like Armin are in greater supply, but they feel, accurately, that they have to fight to survive.

We are moving, inexorably, towards disaster and the brakes aren’t working. Even if the titan powers were to excised from the Eldian people there would still be war. There’s just too much bad blood at this point.

You know, sometimes I can’t believe my luck. When I first started covering this series my biggest worry, aside from my poor grammar, was that I would struggle to find material with which to write about. I suck at character analysis; I just don’t have the attention to detail for it.

But wouldn’t you know it? I have a deep interest in politics and it seems I’ve jumped aboard just when politics is starting to dominate the narrative.

This recent batch of chapters have been very political in their content, and, it turns out, in a way mirrors American politics. The scene where Zackley gets boehnered by the Eldian Freedom Caucus is hilarious. And who can forget Jean grimly wondering what Eren and Zeke discussed, especially in light of the former’s inexplicable pro-Zeke attitude? I can’t believe that moment actually exists!

It’s actually hilarious how much the situation on Paradis parallels the Republican Party. Seriously, just think about it:

Floch and his team – The House Freedom Caucus, a group of right-wing extremists who’re a constant thorn in the side of the more moderate Party leadership even though both factions actually agree on what they want. Among all Republican politicians, they are the most obsequious to Trump.

Zeke Yeager – Russian dictator Vladimir Putin, a clear threat who seems to exercise some sort of control over Donald Trump.

Eren Yeager – President Donald Trump, the shithead President of the United States who inexplicably acts as though he’s under Putin’s control.

The denizens of Paradis – The Trumpistas, the faction of Republican Party voters who support Trump to an almost cult-like extent. Unfortunately for the party leadership, which is seriously put off by Trump, these people are actually the majority of the party’s membership. This forces leadership to be accommodative towards Trump for fear of a popular uprising that will destroy them.

Paradis’ leadership – The Republican Party leadership, the leaders of the party who fight hard for what they believe in but find themselves surrounded by fucking stupid people. Ostensibly, they’re on the same side as the Freedom Caucus, but in practice they’re actually at odds with each other because the HFC thinks they aren’t extreme enough in their methods. Even though they’re the leaders, the majority of party members don’t actually like them, but those same members fucking love Trump, so leadership is forced to live with the threat of a popular uprising unless they kowtow to this fucking twerp even though his impulsive actions are counterproductive. Leadership is seriously put off by Trump, mostly because of his coziness with Putin. They deal with this situation by trying to be “the adults in the room.” They try to mitigate Trump’s worse impulses and stand ready to pull the plug on him entirely if things get too hairy.

Needless to say, this all amuses me to no end.

[ruthdu]

This is a post about Sports

I am my Mother’s daughter and my Father’s son. I grew up doing ballet, religiously practicing the piano, and appreciating a detailed skincare regiment while playing rec soccer, going to basketball camp and watching sports. Sure, you can argue that my Chinese immigrant parents were very ambitious and “forced” me to participate in these activities when I was younger, but because of their stern suggestions, I became a dancer, I fell in love with music, I will always look like I’m 25 and I have a mild obsession with Sports.

If you’ve worked with me during basketball season, you know that I will be streaming the game on my computer in the production office or suggest going to a nearby bar to catch tip-off. If you’ve had the privilege of being a friend of mine during the Olympics, we will have never ending text message chains about the crazy triple toe-loop or how blurry Usain Bolt on television. If I’ve dated you during football season, you probably know that my very first poster that I put up in my room was of Troy Aikman. I was 5, barely understood English but I thought he was such a hearthrob.

I’m not very outspoken about my social, political and world views. My first presidential election was Obama and I didn’t quite understand the 2008 Recession until much later in life (I was 20 years old). Race was always an issue and I supported the occasional Tiger Mom articles on HuffPo, or essays about a HAPA and every once in awhile engaged in some Twitter conversations about “Yellow Fever” but it wasn’t until recently that there was truly a platform to be Chinese Born - American. That didn’t mean that I didn’t support racial justices in general, but it meant that I hid behind those big trendy topics. Of course, it wasn’t until we were in a disaster of a political situation where I even considered watching a Senate hearing nor cared about our local Congressmen / woman. With that in mind, these kind of public posts are far-in-between and very delicate for me. But after what I watched + experienced this weekend, I was compelled to share because it all coincided with Sports.

This past weekend I watched 20-year-old Naomi Osaka conquer and overtake tennis Queen Serena Williams, who I believed acted poorly against the (yes unfair) Umpire at the US Open Finals. I was severely disappointed in Serena, especially after learning so much about her journey to motherhood. I had a new found respect for Serena not only as a phenomenal athlete but also a Superwoman that overcame the most difficult time of her life. I sat there, jaws on the floor when Serena consistently bashed Carlos Ramos. I was disappointed, watching her take the argument even further with officials when all I wanted for her is to take that energy and refocus on the game. True athleticism is mental and sure, we cannot help the way we feel, ESPECIALLY when we are losing. But those athletes who can outplay and outlast, the “GOAT”s, the champions, should be able to take a few breaths and make a comeback.

I’m not saying that what Serena was fighting for wasn’t valid. YES, the umpire was probably intimidated that a strong black woman was yelling at him YES, he should have given her a warning and YES, I’m sure he’s been told many terrible things on the court without giving a penalty point but felt that he needed to keep his masculine power by ruling an unprecedented action. Even with all of that potential wrongsay, there’s a time and place to object to rules and there’s a time to suck-it-up and play the game.

I sat there and cried during the awards ceremony because Naomi Osaka apologized for winning. My tears were for her family who was so proud of her but knew there would be this heavy cloud of doubt over her for the years to come. I cried because I saw a part of my little sister in her, awkwardly holding the trophy and not sure if she was representing her country as well as she would have wanted. All I wanted is for her to feel joy, pride and strength. I cried even more when Serena told the crowd to stop booing because I knew that at that point, perhaps she felt that THIS was the repercussions of her actions. I love sports because I also love sportsmanship. Much like Serena thought that Carlos owed her an apology, I think Serena should apologize to Naomi for the bittersweet outcome of the tournament.

Naomi Osaka IS a champion. She played the best game of her life. She trained hard and she has that tunnel vision that transforms a player from great to the Best. I ask that you all take some time to learn more about Naomi Osaka. She’ll be on the tennis radar for years to come and I cannot wait to watch her play next.

This past weekend, I also witnessed the epic return of the greatest QB of all time. I claim this with extreme bias but am not alone in this statement, especially after his tremendous game on Sunday night. When Aaron Rodgers was carted off in the second quarter of the opening game vs. the (new and much improved) Chicago Bears, a little part of me died. I’ve been a Rodgers fan for years. He was the QB Hearthrob: insanely attractive, hilariously respectful and probably the best ice-cream eating companion. My adoration escalated when I started a diehard, bleeding-green Packers fan who claims he looks like a slightly petite version of Aaron. Last year’s collar-bone injury led to a sour fall season but made our relationship much stronger. There was a lot on the line this football season with Aaron’s return. When Aaron was lying on that field, grasping his left leg, it became deeply personal.

The Packers came back with a limping Aaron Rodgers and won the game 24-23. We yelled and screamed with joy. We drank tequila and celebrated. The cats (Starks and Jordy, named after former Packer players) were annoyed but we didn’t care. THIS was sports. THIS was athleticism at its best and even with the controversial hoopla of the NFL, THIS was football.

I understand why there was a boycott against the NFL. I know that Roger Goodell is a Trump supporter and I know that behind many of these massive teams are corporate millionaires who voted Red. The League made a decision this year that if players kneel during the national anthem that they would subject to fines which arguably means they are charging players fees against their freedom of speech. Yes, I do believe that this is a harsh rule, but I do believe it was a rule to take politics out of the game.

Last year was the only time I remembered watching the National Anthem in any regular season football game. It truly didn’t matter to me but it became such an issue that of course I “fell’ into the trap of curiosity. This year, I am not boycotting because I am watching football for the players. I am watching to see the unexpected comebacks, to see that crazy 75-yard run to the end zone, to see that near interception that nearly gave me a heart attack. I am watching not because I am supporting our idiot-president Trump, but because I respect the bellies of the defense linemen and the sprint of the wide receiver. I am watching because I believe in will power and strength of mind, which is how Aaron Rodgers came back ferociously, playing football with one good leg.

Remember when Kerri Strug won an Olympic Gold ‘96 even though she was severely injured? Did we protest the Olympics because there was probably some weird underage and illegal shit going on? Do we still support team USA even after the corporate probably knew the actions of their disgusting coach? The answer is YES, because we support the players. We support what they want to accomplish and what they’ve tried out their entire lives to accomplish. Yes they are millionaires and this is their “job” but I guarantee that if they had the choose between a massive paycut to play, most everyone would 100% choose the paycut. An athlete doesn’t just train their bodies 365 days a year for a big paycheck (that’s just the bonus) but talk to those former players who didn’t make the cut their third year, or the former player turned coaches of their local highschool - if they had a shot to play on the green, they would do it no question.

I will watch the NFL until the players decide not to play anymore. The game is changing and I’m happy to hear of new strict hit rules to the QB and new technology for player protection. I will yell and scream and jump in disappointed and joy and I will eventually earn that Rodgers jersey that I desperately want from my new Packer partner.

For those who actually read this post, thank you for time out of your busy day to do this. Why am I so passionate about Sports? “Ruth, you make movies! You sit in front of a computer all day long and you do budgets! And you write! Why do you care about sports?” I consider myself an athlete. I’ve been in competitive sports the majority of my life and I know what it feels like to lose. I used to rehearse 6-8 hours on weekends out in the hot sun, practically running close to 15-20 miles a day.

As a dancer, I trained like an athlete: slow push-ups, squats, abdominal conditioning, the whole damn thing. And in my now adult life, I go to challenging HIIT/ Boot Camp / Strength classes to make sure that I have the ability to survive a zombie apocalypse, or be fast enough to run to shelter during the Big One. I attribute my film career to my athletic training: play smart, play hard, follow the rules and always thank your teammates. These are skill sets that now engrained in me. So this is why I am passionate about sports: because its about survival, mind over matter and it’s about those you play the game with.

[euroman1945-blog]

The Daily Tulip

The Daily Tulip – News From Around The World

Monday 27th August 2018

Good Morning Gentle Reader….  I hope you slept well and have woken full of the joys of summer… The meteors are quite beautiful this morning, I stood and watched with Bella as streaks of fire zipped across the night sky, then together we walked back to the house, Bella thinking about the cookie I promised her and me looking forward to the fresh Colombian Coffee that was brewing while we walked, it’s 3 years ago that we lost Sadie and almost 5 years since Mackie left us, but I believe they still walk the town with us in the mornings……So before I start getting all maudlin on us, let’s take a look at what’s happened in this mixed up world we call Earth….

DRUG TUNNEL RAN FROM OLD KFC IN ARIZONA TO MEXICO BEDROOM…. US authorities have found a secret drug tunnel stretching from a former KFC in the state of Arizona to Mexico. The 600ft (180m) passageway was in the basement of the old restaurant in San Luis, leading under the border to a home in San Luis Rio Colorado. Authorities made the discovery last week and have arrested the southern Arizona building's owner. They were alerted to the tunnel after the suspect, Ivan Lopez, was pulled over, according to KYMA News. During the traffic stop, police dogs reportedly led officers to two containers of hard narcotics with a street value of more than $1m in Lopez's vehicle. Investigators say the containers held 118kg (260lb) of methamphetamine, six grams of cocaine, 3kg of fentanyl, and 21kg of heroin. Agents searched Lopez's home and his old KFC, discovering the tunnel's entrance in the kitchen of the former fast-food joint. The passageway was 22ft deep, 5ft tall and 3ft wide, and ended at a trap door under a bed in a home in Mexico, said US officials. The drugs are believed to have been pulled up through the tunnel with a rope. This is not the first such discovery - two years ago a 2,600ft tunnel was found by authorities in San Diego, California. Authorities said it was one of the longest such drug tunnels ever discovered, used to transport an "unprecedented cache" of cocaine and marijuana. In July alone, US Border Patrol seized 15kg of heroin, 24lbs of cocaine, 327kg of methamphetamine and 1,900kg of marijuana at border checkpoints nationwide… Comment: Now we know what the “Secret” ingredient is in the Col’s recipe…..

TRUMP ADMINISTRATION 'CONSIDERS FUNDING GUNS IN SCHOOLS'…. The Trump administration is considering allowing schools to access federal education funding to purchase guns for teachers, US media report. The Department of Education (DoE) is looking at allowing states to use academic enrichment funds for firearms, the New York Times first reported. The federal grant being considered for this purpose is one that does not specifically prohibit buying weapons. Congress forbids using federal funds for school safety to purchase weapons. DoE spokeswoman Elizabeth Hill told CBS News: "The department is constantly considering and evaluating policy issues, particularly issues related to school safety." "The secretary nor the department issues opinions on hypothetical scenarios," she added… Comment: I cannot think of a more irresponsible action on behalf of a government…

AUSTRIA REJECTS 'GIRLISH' IRAQI ASYLUM SEEKER…. Austrian officials rejected an Iraqi migrant's asylum application because he was too "girlish", local media say. The 27-year-old's claim to be gay was deemed "unbelievable", in part due to his behaviour, according to reports. He can appeal against the decision. It comes just days after Amnesty International criticised Austria's asylum processes as "dubious". The government has hit back at the criticism, saying its asylum officials work appropriately. In the latest case, the Iraqi asylum seeker was felt to exhibit "stereotypical, in any case excessive 'girlish' behaviour (expressions, gestures)", which seemed fake, Austria's Kurier newspaper reported. Said to be an active member in local LGBT groups, he is understood to have fled Iraq in 2015, fearing for his life. However a spokesman for Austria's asylum office said the decision had been reviewed, and rejected the accusation it contained any "clichéd phrasing" by officials in Styria state, Kurier added. It is the second controversial asylum case in recent days. Last week, activists said that an 18-year-old Afghan asylum seeker had his application rejected because he did not "act or dress" like a homosexual. "The inhuman language in asylum claims does not conform with the requirements of a fair, rule-of-law procedure," Amnesty International said in a report. Interior Ministry spokesman Christoph Poelzl also rejected the accusation officials used "inhuman" language, telling news agency AFP that all employees who assess asylum claims receive training. However, the official involved in the Afghan asylum seeker's case is no longer involved in assessing applications, he added. Austria is currently run by a coalition of the conservative People's Party and the far-right Freedom Party, which came to power following an election dominated by Europe's migrant crisis last year. Comment: Immigration should not be based on “Sexual Preference” especially when determined by the “Far Right” party…

CHINA ARRESTS OVER TANG DYNASTY RELIC THEFTS…. Chinese police have arrested 26 people suspected of stealing relics from an ancient burial site. The gang allegedly seized almost 650 objects, including gold and silver cutlery and jewellery, from the Dulan Tombs, which lie on the ancient Silk Road in northwest China. The stolen items date back to the 7th Century, the Chinese Ministry of Public Security said in a statement. The suspects allegedly tried to sell them for about $11m (£7.8m). The objects were said to have been illegally excavated from the tombs, located in the north-western province of Qinghai. Silk, gold, silver, bronze ware and other items have been unearthed at the tombs, of which there are more than 2,000, since 1982. Experts believe that many of the items are of huge historical value as they show cultural exchanges and interactions between East and West during the early Tang Dynasty (618-907). Following the arrests, police will increase their crackdown on cultural relics crimes to better protect the country's cultural heritage, the Chinese government said. (See photographs at https://www.facebook.com/groups/OurPastBeneathOurFeet/ )

INDIA'S 'BIGGEST' PET RESCUE OPERATION IN KERALA FLOODS….  When rescuers in India's flood-ravaged southern state of Kerala reached a flooded hut in the city of Thrissur, the couple living there refused to leave without their 25 dogs. The water was rising, and the dogs were huddled on a single bed. The rescue workers had arrived on boats, and Sunitha, who uses only one name, flatly told them she and her husband would not leave without their stray and abandoned pets. "Our neighbours had been moved to schools and camps nearby. Rescue workers said that we could not bring our dogs to the relief camp," she said. So the workers went back and got in touch with an animal rescue group. Sally Varma of Humane Society International told the BBC that their volunteers arrived soon, and arranged for the dogs to be taken to a special shelter for affected animals. Ms Varma said she has started a fundraiser for the family and its pets so a kennel could be built at their home after the floods recede. Nearly 400 people have died in the worst flooding Kerala has witnessed in a century. Thousands remain stranded. More than one million people have been displaced, with many of them taking shelter in thousands of relief camps across the state. But what is striking is how hundreds of animals are being rescued in the affected areas. In what appears to be one of the biggest animal rescue operations during a natural calamity in India, hundreds of volunteers and animal rescue workers have travelled to flood-affected areas. Social media is awash with dramatic rescue videos: a rescuer removing his life jacket and putting it on a Labrador to help it swim to higher ground; drenched dogs being taken out of flooded homes and kennels; and country boats and inflatable rafts carrying dogs, goats and cats to safety. Rescuers have waded through water, and travelled on boats and rafts to treat, feed and rescue hundreds of animals - dogs, cats, goats, cows, cattle, ducks, and even snakes - as the waters have begun receding. Trucks with animal feed and medicines are reaching affected districts. Some animals have been moved to shelter camps, and others to higher ground. A number of animal rescue help lines have been set up, and rescuers are using WhatsApp and social media to respond to calls. "We are getting more than 100 calls a day on our helpline. The number of animals that have been moved to higher ground and rescued must be in hundreds," Anand Shiva of Kerala Animal Rescue said.

Well Gentle Reader I hope you enjoyed our look at the news from around the world this, morning… …

Our Tulips today are from India, where the Tulip garden with the backdrop of the mighty Zabarwan range of mountains was thrown open for the public, on Sunday by Minister for Floriculture Javid Mustafa Mir.

Asia’s largest tulip garden, which has about 12.5 lakh tulips of 50 varieties in its lap on the banks of world famous Dal Lake in the summer capital, Srinagar, marked the beginning of new tourism season in the Valley.

A Sincere Thank You for your company and Thank You for your likes and comments I love them and always try to reply, so please keep them coming, it's always good fun, As is my custom, I will go and get myself another mug of "Colombian" Coffee and wish you a safe Monday 27th August 2018 from my home on the southern coast of Spain, where the blue waters of the Alboran Sea washes the coast of Africa and Europe and the smell of the night blooming Jasmine and Honeysuckle fills the air…and a crazy old guy and his dog Bella go out for a walk at 4:00 am…on the streets of Estepona…

All good stuff....But remember it’s a dangerous world we live in

Be safe out there…

Robert McAngus #Spain #India #China #USA #Bella

[greywindys]

Gorillaz | 2017 in Review

Ayyy happy new year!!! Relative to the entire year of waiting that was 2016, 2017 was a pretty packed year for Gorillaz and consequently, for me as a fan. To sum it up in three words- They came back! (Finally, someone let them out of their cage?) And there was a surplus of content- good, quality content. But there were also some letdowns. Which release falls into which category depends on who you ask. Like, pretty much every move Gorillaz made this year was met with both applause on one side and boos on the other. If I had to pick a word of the year for them, it would be “polarizing.” However, polarizing isn’t always bad, and there were many well thought out conversations, theories and fan content that resulted. Add in some scandal and disorganization and you’ve got a pretty wild twelve months. Under the cut I list some notable and memorable momentz.mp3 of the year, mostly for my own records but anyone is welcome to read.

Hallelujah Money (1/19/17)

Gorillaz started their year off with what was probably the most polarizing move of the year. Some backstory: January 2017 we still had no idea when the album was coming out. Actually, we didn’t even know IF the album was coming out like, we basically didn’t know wtf Gorillaz was doing. Then, on the day before the US inauguration they drop the video for Hallelujah Money, a video punctuated with Orwellian imagery for a song that sounded like a funeral march. Benjamin Clementine took a prominent role while 2D took a backseat (a trend that would persist throughout the singles) and, after the initial excitement, fans began to complain. “What happened to the fast paced music Damon promised?,” “Where is 2D? This doesn’t feel like Gorillaz?,” “Why do they need to make their music so political?” This only drove other fans to passionately defend the song. There is still no consensus on this song/video other than the agreement that “it makes more sense in the context of the album.” My personal take is that whatever point this video was trying to make is obscured by their backtracking in the form of bleeping out any mention of Trump’s name on the album. Go big or go home. And at this point in the year I think we can say it- Trump fucking sucks, okay? Trump sucks.

Dylan leaks the album (Mid-March 2017)

This is like, probably my favorite story. By the time March was upon us, we knew the album was coming soon but we still didn’t know when. The album was like a cryptid, rumored but never found. And then Dylan happened. Now to clarify, he didn’t leak the entire album and he didn’t do it on purpose but he did leak more than we were ready for. After the tracklist leaked, fans began googling the songs on video sites like youtube and dailymotion. When one fan google’d “Saturnz Barz” on vimeo, they were met with a mysterious password protected video. A couple tries later (the password was “2017″), they had access to “Saturnz Barz” one month before the album came out. And they found more- “Charger,” “Busted and Blue” to name a few. All of which were uploaded by Dylan Byrne, a lighting  technician connected to Gorillaz who apparently didn’t know his private videos could still be found on search engines such as google. The fandom collectively lost its mind, some with excitement over the new music, others with indignation at fans who dare “disrespect Damon and Jamie” and that those listening to the leaks were going to be responsible for Humanz flopping. It was wild. Oh yeah, and I downloaded the leakz and Humanz didn’t flop. 

Giant content drop of 2017 (3/23/17)

I use this particular picture of 2D here because I that we, on some level, were all 2D by the end of that fourth week in March. I’m using the “Saturnz Barz” video release date because that’s when it all began. I distinctly remember waking up on that day expecting to listen to a Damon Albarn interview and some new tracks on a UK radio show but by the end of the day we not only had new music (4 tracks, specifically) and the interview but we were also blessed with the perfect “Saturnz Barz” video which featured the band in the starring roles, gave us “the bath” meme (though that’s more of a curse now) AND an upcoming announcement of a “secret show” set to take place the very next day where the live band would play the entire new album. I think this was also the period where we finally learned the album’s name and release date. It was so much. Too much, but a good too much. Everyone felt alive. Phase 4 had officially begun.

Mocaps (April 2017- present)

Gorillaz debuted many new ways to depict the band this year but by far the most hilariously amazing method was through motion capture, abbreviated “mocap.” 2017 was in many ways the year of the mocap, specifically, 2D and Murdoc mocaps. Mocap Murdoc and mocap 2D graced us with the weather, Deezer ads, app videos, multi-lingual announcements, and even walked us around the Demon Dayz tour. My personal favorite moment was 2D telling Murdoc he fed a stray cat a kinder egg. I also want to give a special shoutout to Murdoc’s wonky eye. There was a time when we were all trying to find meaning in it. Was it an artistic choice? Had Murdoc gone blind in one eye? Was he possessed? The truth is none of the above. It was just, in the true spirit of what the mocaps models came to represent, wonky. I don’t think we all truly gave the mocaps the credit they deserved. In my eyes they are on the same level as the puppets AT LEAST. And I maintain that their potential has yet to be truly realized- Mocap carpool karaoke? Mocap SNL skit? The possibilities are endless.

Murdoc and 2D answer fan questions....live (4/20/17)

This also falls under the umbrella of the previous moment but I think it deserves its own mention because this was like, peak mocap utilization. Fans were allowed to submit questions that would them be answered by Murdoc and 2D live while we all watched. Their VA’s not only improvised these answers but also finally got the change to live out their personal headcanons. This interview was the first time we ever saw wiggly Murdoc. Much essential information was learned in this half hour event- 2D knows how to make theremin noises! Murdoc said “meme” and “twerk”! 2D sold the geep! Cyborg Noodle has taken to cycling! A lot of you seem to think I’ve been critical this phase which, while totally true, it also makes me think you possibly weren’t aware of this blog at this time because I love this interview and died when it was first released. And then I continued to love each and every subsequent awkward interview they had with actual human interviewers. The first quarter of the year was great (for me).

Reddit AMAs with the entire band, Noodle, 2D (2017)

I wasn’t an active fan during previous phases but my impression is that they didn’t have as many q&a’s with the band as this phase. The characters were very accessible this phase and, as I’ve mentioned above, at first this was great! But nothing good it forever. The Reddit AMAs, while highly entertaining, soon came to contradict past events and even past answers to earlier interviews. For example, we learned during the band’s AMA that Cyborg Noodle was NOT actually cycling somewhere in England but decapitated and being used as a pot in Noodle’s room. What was the truth? Later on, 2D had his own AMA which was cute but yielded significant nit-picking and criticism from fans including myself. For me,personally, the 2D AMA was the turning point. I didn’t mourn the loss of Cass Browne with other fans until that AMA. The difference in writing was and is glaring. For that reason, I didn’t pay much attention to the Noodle AMA but from what I saw, similar debate over her characterization (or lack thereof) took place. Tbh, I can’t picture a Noodle that types out “YAASS GURL!!1″ (or w/e it was) unironically but...I’m happy it brought joy to some fans. That all being said, regardless of writing quality the AMAs did a great job of engaging the fandom and initiating some interesting conversations.

Fans miss 2D so much that he gets his own impromptu video (6/8/17)

By far the most frequent concern over Humanz was the “lack of 2D.” It was on Tumblr, Reddit, Twitter, pretty much all social media. Despite this, no one ever expected Damon and Co. do acknowledge this let alone actually respond to it. Then, out of nowhere, 2D makes an announcement on the Gorillaz app and there it is- “Sleeping Powder” an exclusively 2D music video by 2D, starring 2D and some dorky dance moves. It was 2D’s “Dare.” The song was cute and even had its place on the tour set list. And that’s the power of 2D. And everyone was happy until people started joking that “Sleeping Powder” was written in a day and was still better than all of Humanz, and others chastising everyone for “making Damon feel bad enough to write a new song.”

Strobelite (8/6/17)

I’m not going to get into “Strobelite” too much. If you were there, you know what happened and what it led to (a certain liked Youtube comment and the later, Noodle’s answer during her AMA). “Strobelite” was also hyped up as a the band’s first official mocap video (despite “Sleeping Powder’s” release a month earlier) but unfortunately, was underwhelming to a significant portion of the fandom. Reasons included but were not limited to: no Russel mocap, very little plot, very little Murdoc, rumored cut scenes that DID involve Russel, and, yes, controversial shipping fuel. I don’t think “Strobelite” charted nor do I remember it being involved in any promo. I actually don’t know what happened to “Strobelite” outside of the, um, for lack of a better word,the discussion it spawned. There were also many theories about what Murdoc was doing at the bar. To this day, we still have no answers. What’s the plot for phase four again?

Gorillaz in Media (2017)

This isn’t exactly a singular moment but I want to highlight it anyways because the length to which they went to make this phase an immersive experience deserves a lot of credit. Not one but two apps were developed, one of which gave fans access to the band’s home and hosted events such as live listening parties so that fans could potentially meet. The other provided new content, art and access to secret concert locations. BUT THEY DIDN’T STOP THERE. With one of their sponsors they were able to construct actual, real “Spirit House” models for fans to walk through. Additionally, the band is accessible through their own music mixes on Spotify, Noodle has an instagram, G Magazine etc. I’m going to fit in the amount of sponsors they had under this category as well because, as annoying as they were to some, it did give us some cool new animation and ads (”We Got the Power” comes to mind, along with the Lenz ad). They put in work, they really did (though the topic of social media  #justice4MurdocTube).

The Super Deluxe is never released...until it is (September 2017-November 2017)

I forget when the original release date was but what I do know it that it didn’t happen. Phase four slowed down in the latter half of the year, and I think this made everyone hyper-aware of what content was yet to come and that content was the Super Deluxe with *bonus tracks*. But then it never came. It was delayed until October, then October came and it STILL wasn’t there. Finally,in November, orders began arriving and songs were ripped and uploaded. Reactions ranged from elated to disappointed to simply confounded that the the entire thing cost around $400. You could say that it was very polarizing.

Honorable mentions

Humanz being released (I know, why isn’t this on the list? I decided against it because it leaked a week early  so by the time it WAS released mostly everyone had already heard it), Demon Dayz fest streamed live, “Garage Palace” surprise video drop, G Magazine, G-Foot pop up shop steal fanart, Fans strike the fear of god into the Gorillaz team for forgetting Russel’s birthday, Humanz revealed as the fourth album title, Gorillaz announce a TV show, probably more that I’m forgetting.

Anyhow, what a year. I like to stay vague about my personal life here but to keep it simple, despite everything happening the world, on a personal level, it was a good year. I did a lot of growing, got some really great feedback at my field placement, tapped into some new hobbies and recently adopted two cats, brother and sister, whose names I’m still deciding lmao (leaning towards Oberyn and Elia). So yeah...here’s to that. I hope 2018 treats us all well <3.