#first band since Little Mix to win the x factor

[luci-hemwin-evanson]

So I was just watching old the x factor videos from the last season that I followed (2014) anyways I was a huge Stereo Kicks fan (& also liked Only the Young) and since I was watching their first perfomance together, a recomendetion apeared called best boy band perfomances in the x factor and I got curious bc I follow a couple of them and thought they we're all underrated (except 1D of course)

And I was like mad bc why have I never heard from Unwritten Rule & United Vibe like... Unwritten Rule was so good and being honest I think they got robbed on that finale, like the girls were good too but they were better

But then OH MY GOD

NOW WHY HAVE I NEVER HEARD ABOUT RAK-SU

HELLO?

The clip that was on the video was their audition

So I googled them and of course they won but WHY havent I seen or heard anything from them, like they're the first and only boyband to win the x factor and they did so by perfoming sick ass original songs like

HELLO???? WHY ARENT YOU HYPING THIS GUYS MORE WHY HAVE I NEVER HEARD FROM THEM

anyways Ive been obsessed w them, listening their songs on repeat since yesterday

[apureniallsource]

Ahead of new album, The Show, Niall Horan on how he 'lives' for touring, his desire to connect with fans through his songs, and the challenge of going out for chips in his Irish hometown

It’s almost a cliché to call Niall Horan a “super-nice guy”, but really, there’s no getting away from it. He may have named his new album The Show, but Horan feels no need to put one on for a journalist. In fact, the Irish singer-songwriter is so laid-back and likeable when we meet at a smart London hotel – fresh flowers everywhere, bottled water waiting on the table – that I ask how he’s stayed so well-adjusted. “It’s probably a combination of the upbringing I had and the fact I already had enough character at 16 [to deal with it],” he says. “It might have been a different story if I’d started doing this when I was 10.”

Now 29, he has been scarily famous for almost half his life. After auditioning for The X Factor in 2010 as a solo artist, 16-year-old Horan was eliminated at the boot camp stage, then given a spectacular second chance as one fifth of a hastily assembled group called One Direction. He and his new bandmates – Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson – didn’t win that year’s show, but still used it as a springboard to become a chart-topping global phenomenon. By the time One Direction announced an indefinite hiatus in January 2016, they had sold 70 million records and debuted at number one in the US with their first four albums – something not even The Beatles achieved. When asked what he would say to his pre-1D, 16-year-old self, Horan replies: “Get ready. Your life’s about to change on a level that most of the world can’t even quantify.”

Horan says he still speaks to “the lads” on a regular basis, but like all of them, he has worked hard to carve out an identity as a solo artist. If Horan’s individual achievements still feel slightly underrated, that’s probably only because his flashier bandmate Styles is now a stadium-filling superstar. Released in 2017, Horan’s debut album Flicker was a deft blend of soft rock, folk and country that debuted at number one in the US and Ireland. His 2020 follow-up Heartbreak Weather added a dash of swagger to the mix – particularly on the Brit-poppy single ‘Nice to Meet Ya’ – and became his first UK chart-topper. Because it dropped in March 2020, just as Covid-19 was taking hold, Horan never got to take the album on the road. “I haven’t toured since 2018 – that’s wild,” he says. “I love live music and I love touring – I live for it. So, it’s sad that I haven’t done that.”

Happily, a few weeks after this interview, Horan announced The Show: Live on Tour, a 50-date trek across Europe, North America, Australia and New Zealand that will keep him busy from February to July of next year. When Horan last toured five years ago, he mainly played large theatres, but now he is aiming to pack out arenas from Birmingham to Brisbane. During our conversation, he hinted that he was ready for the step up. “In my eyes, the bigger the venue, the better, because I fucking love looking out at an ocean of people,” he says. “For me, it feels like the bigger the venue, the better the show is gonna be.”

Horan also makes no bones about wanting The Show to become another UK number one after it drops on 9 June. “There’s nothing better than getting that little statue sent to your house,” he says with an impish grin. At the time of writing, he seems well on course for another express delivery from the Official Charts Company. The album’s breezy lead single ‘Heaven’ cracked the UK Top 20 in February, and its sprightly follow-up ‘Meltdown’ is now climbing the charts. A few hours before this interview, I watch him perform both songs in the Radio 1 Live Lounge. Horan is just as relaxed with his band during rehearsals, but when he spots that his vocals are getting buried in the mix, he quickly and calmly gets it corrected.

Horan began working on ‘The Show’ while holed up at home during the summer of 2020. The album title had come to him earlier in the year, but he “didn’t really know what it meant until the pandemic”. When he sat down at the piano that August, the lyrics that came out seemed to capture the confusion of the Covid era: “If everything was easy, nothing ever broke / If everything was simple, how would we know? / How to fix your tears? How to fake a show?” At this point, Horan says he realised ‘The Show’ was both “a metaphor for life” and an overarching concept he could run with. “When there’s no heartbreak [to write about], you have to come up with a different concept,” he says. “I realised quite quickly that what I wanted to talk about was the ups and downs and good and bad of life. That’s ‘The Show’.”

Having “no heartbreak” is about as much as Horan will say about his personal life. “Keeping that stuff quiet”, he believes, is one reason he remains so grounded. Since 2020, he has been dating Amelia Woolley, a designer shoe buyer who never appears on his work-focused Instagram. But when we discuss ‘You Could Start a Cult’, an idiosyncratic folk ballad from the album, Horan does offer a teasing glimpse into their home life. He says the song’s eye-catching title was inspired by the true-crime series they like watching. “I always try and write weird stuff like that, then see if I can flip it on its head and make the song [itself] not as dark as the title,” he says. In this case, Horan flipped it into a “love song, effectively”, albeit an intense one. “It’s about… not the desperation feeling, but the ‘I think you’re the best fucking thing in the world’ feeling,” he explains. “And if you started a cult, I’d follow you into the fire. You know, that kind of angst, though I don’t know if ‘angst’ is the word I’m looking for!”

Horan spends a lot of time in LA because his record label and producers are based there. His main collaborators on The Show were Joel Little, who he brought in because he liked his work with Taylor Swift, indie artist Noah Kahan, and long-time co-writer John Ryan, a veteran of four One Direction albums. “I think it’s really important first of all to be loyal,” he says of his enduring partnership with Ryan. “And you know, if it’s not broke, don’t fix it.” Still, working with Little felt just as comfortable, partly because they could pick things up at a moment’s notice. “If I get the green light at the top of my street [in LA], I can be at Joel’s house in less than a minute,” Horan says. “It’s a fucking dream!”

But during the pandemic, Horan was grounded at his main base in southwest London. “I’ve never been fitter in my life because I was cycling 80 or 90 miles around Richmond Park every week – it’s gorgeous out there,” he recalls. Like many of us, Horan has conflicting feelings about the way Covid placed our lives on hold. “I don’t want to say I enjoyed it because I didn’t – it was such a horrible time,” he says. “But I got to a point about two or three months in, where I was like: ‘This is the longest I’ve ever had off.’ He particularly appreciated having to stay in one place for a sustained period of time. “Normally, I’m packing a suitcase every three or four days,” he says. “At Heathrow Airport, the guards at the [security] desk just laugh when they see me coming. They’re like, ‘How do you do this?’”

Having lived in London since he was 16, Horan says “it’s definitely the best city on the planet”. But at the same time, he still regards Mullingar, the Irish market town where he was born and raised, as home. His debut solo single ‘This Town’, a UK top 10 hit in 2016, was incredibly charming because it harnessed his ineffable longing for the place. Horan reckons he returns to Mullingar “seven or eight times a year”, although walking down the high street is pretty tricky. “I can’t just pull up outside the chip shop, run in and get the chips, then run back to the car,” he says. “Everything has to be thought through. Like, where am I going to park? How many streets am I going to have to cross? What am I going to wear?” Horan says all this with no hint of frustration: by now, he knows what is expected of a homecoming hero.

Horan knew he wanted to be a musician from a young age and says he “tried to make this as clear as possible” to his parents. They were “supportive up to a point”, but because the family didn’t have much money and Mullingar wasn’t a creative hub like Dublin, his mother urged him to “get some sort of qualification”. “I still don’t have any,” Horan says with a laugh, “I didn’t do GCSEs or anything like that because I didn’t finish school.” At 16, Horan made the 50-mile journey to Dublin to audition for The X Factor and grabbed hold of the One Direction rocket with both hands.

Did his parents come up with any ideas for a Plan B? “We didn’t get that far. Honestly, I just packed my bag and never came back – that’s the way they look at it,” says Horan. “My father worked in Tesco for 35 years and my mother worked at a pewter genesis company making little bits and pieces – clocks and things like that. They both had very regular jobs.” Horan notes astutely that some kids from a working-class background “like to spread their wings and leave the nest” – as he did, quite spectacularly – whereas others “like to stay in their hometown, or maybe can’t get out”. Horan pauses for a second, perhaps to ponder what might have been. “I don’t know what they would have wanted me to do, but I’m sure it would have been a good life,” he continues. “Like, my parents are having a good time.”

Thirteen years after he left to become a pop star, Horan’s own ambition remains undimmed. “I’ve achieved a lot in my young life, but I’m still fired up to do as much as I can,” he says. “My career has felt so good because it reminds me of everything I thought the music industry would be when I was a kid. I got the good end of the stick [in terms of] travelling the world and playing to millions. And I still want more of that.”

For this reason, the audience is always at the forefront of his mind. “When I’m writing, I ask myself, ‘Have I gone too specific to the point where it only makes sense to me?’” he says. “And then I try and broaden the thought to make it as relatable as possible.” ‘Never Grow Up’ from Horan’s new album was partly inspired by his girlfriend’s parents, who are “still madly in love”, but its lyrics will chime with One Direction fans who, like him, are close to turning 30. “Hope we still drink like we’re back in the pub,” Horan sings. “Hope we grow old, but we never grow up.”

In Horan’s eyes, the songs that fully stand the test of time – from Simon and Garfunkel to Whitney Houston and Adele – are “the ones that really mean a lot to the people”. It’s this kind of universal connection that he is always striving for. “These are the things that go on in my head when I’m writing,” he says. “I don’t want to alienate anyone, and I don’t want to be introspective to the point where I ruin it for everyone. So, if they can connect to it too, then we all get what we want out of this.”

[littlemixnet]

Little Mix vow they WILL reunite and say ‘we can’t live without each other’ in their LAST interview before hiatus.

THEY have spent 11 years as a group, had five No1 singles, won three Brit Awards and released seven hit albums. But as Little Mix prepare to bow out - for now, at least - they have insisted they are doing it as the best of friends and are doing everything they can to ensure they aren’t pitted against each other as they prepare to launch their post-band solo careers. In an exclusive final print interview with The Sun, just a week before they go their separate ways, Perrie Edwards, Leigh-Anne Pinnock and Jade Thirlwall have revealed their timetables will be carefully managed so there is no way they will put new music out at the same time. Perrie, 28, said: “We’ve all said we will let each other know when we’re going to release so we don’t end up clashing in the charts. We’re rooting for each other, not competing against each other.” Jade, 29, who has signed a solo deal with RCA, added: “It’s just not going to happen. There will be a conscious effort from all of us to make sure of that.” Leigh-Anne, 30, said their friendship was too precious to risk a head-to-head and the fact they remain so tight-knit will mean they’re able to be open with each other about their solo plans. She has recently signed with Warner and said: “We are so close and that’s the thing. We’re all going to be in communication about this the whole time.” In the 11 years since Little Mix were first brought together on The X Factor, they have become Britain’s most successful ever girl band, selling more than 50 million records worldwide and collecting over 22 million monthly Spotify listeners. Next Saturday will see the final performance of their sold-out Confetti tour. It will end with an emotional show which will be livestreamed around the world from London’s O2 Arena – the last chance to catch the girls before they bow out for their hiatus. Perrie, who has also already started working on solo music, said: “Even though it’s a massive, epic show, I think knowing everyone is watching it is going to make it feel super intimate.” However, they are already plotting their comeback as a band and promise they won’t follow the lead of One Direction, who went on their “hiatus” in 2015 and show no signs of reuniting. Perrie said: “Honestly, we haven’t even parted ways yet and we’re already talking about when we’re coming back! We’re like: ‘is two years away enough? Two and a bit years?’.” Jade points out they are parting as the closest of friends and so there’s every reason to get back together sooner rather than later. She said: “You can’t deny our relationship – whenever anyone comes to watch the show or sees us in interviews or on social media it’s pretty obvious that we can’t actually live without each other. We know how phenomenal we are together, so why would we never want to do that again? Change has to happen in life, you have to move on at some point and try new things, but it’s such a comfort to know we have each other to come back to. We don’t know how long this will be for but I’m already ready for that reunion!” MAKING HISTORY There have been plenty of record-breaking Little Mix moments over the last decade, not least when they made history in 2021 by becoming the first girl group to win Best British Band at the Brits. They used their moment to pay tribute to the likes of All Saints, the Spice Girls and Girls Aloud who came before them but were always overlooked. Perrie said: “We couldn’t get our heads around the fact that a girl group hadn’t won it before. There were incredible girl bands before us who deserved that award, but it always went to males. We’d thought there was no way we were ever going to win simply because we’re female, which is kind of s**t. So we were really shocked when we won and we wanted to shout out all those women who were so deserving of it. We’re so grateful to have won that award and it’s a huge deal for us. But it should have happened sooner.” Huddled together in their hotel room today, it’s clear how close the three of them are. Leigh-Anne says that after all the success, they no longer feel like they have anything to prove. She said: “As a girl group we’ve been constantly trying to prove that we’re credible. But this tour I feel like we’re all up there just having fun because we frickin’ earned it.” Jade agrees and says the bond between them is stronger than ever. “People have come and gone throughout the last ten years but this relationship we have has remained and I think that’s very telling. We’ve come through a lot together, all the ups and downs and to get to this point and be as close as we are, I think says a lot about how we’ve grown as women.” MUMS ON TOUR They all laugh when talking about how different the atmosphere is on tour now compared to the party days of the past. Leigh-Anne and Perrie both became mothers within a week of each other last August and say the backstage booze has all been replaced by baby paraphernalia. Perrie said: “It’s all baby bouncers, highchairs, you name it. Life has changed. I mean, we were never exactly rockstars before – it wasn’t like you’d walk into bottles of Jack Daniels all over the place with us having it large. But it is a different dynamic.” Perrie has a boy Axel with Liverpool star Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, 28, while Leigh-Anne has twins with fiancé Andre Gray, 30, who plays for QPR, although she hasn’t made the babies’ names or sex public. She said: “I’m just trying to keep it as private as possible for as long as possible. It was a decision we made at the time because [the attention] was freaking me out a little bit.” Both say that going into rehearsals so soon after giving birth was a challenge. Perrie said: “I feel like me and Leigh-Anne should have had a note from the doctor saying: ‘Perrie and Leigh have baby brain, go easy on them today’. Baby brain is real! Jade would pick up the routine in two seconds and we’d be there for an hour doing the simplest of things and then totally forget what it was. I’ve never struggled so hard for a tour. I thought I was going to die! Our bodies weren’t ready, our minds weren’t ready. If it wasn’t for Jade, keeping the morale up and the positivity going then I don’t know if we’d have made it.” However, Jade said she was in awe of how well the new mums managed everything. “Perrie and Leigh-Anne have had to adapt after having kids and being able to go into full-on rehearsal mode while breastfeeding and having the babies there was so amazing. And then to get on stage and these fabulous costumes! They’ve been incredible. I struggled with rehearsals, never mind having to look after children as well. So I know I’ve had an easier ride.” As for what’s next, they are all playing their cards close to their chests but say they are excited and nervous in equal measure about what the future holds. Jade said: “I’m just stepping into the unknown, I don’t really have a plan! We all sort of have an idea what we want to do and how we want to do it. But personally, I’m going to enjoy not putting pressure on myself to have to do something by a certain time.” Perrie added: “As long as I can sing somewhere and at least someone is listening, I’m happy.” Leigh-Anne said while they hoped to explore lots of avenues, music is where their hearts remain. She said: “I feel like we’ll probably all dabble in a bit of everything, I don’t think we’d ever want to restrict ourselves. But being on stage is everything to me and I can’t picture myself being anywhere else. It’s what we do, isn’t it?”

[maneskinss]

Måneskin won Eurovision, then they took over the world

When tickets to Måneskin’s 2022 European tour went on sale, the members of the band placed bets on how long it would take to sell out the dates. “I was like, ‘OK, maybe one week.’ And (everyone) was like, ‘One week! That’s too little time! We need more time!’” says bassist Victoria de Angelis. “And after two hours, we saw our phones. We were like, ‘Fuck!’” The entire tour had sold out, with the Brixton Academy date selling out in 25 minutes.

Måneskin, meaning ‘moonlight’ in Danish (De Angelis is half-Danish), formed in Rome in 2015. David, De Angelis, and Raggi went to school together in Rome and found Torchio through Facebook. Having started out busking in the city’s streets, the group came second on Italy’s version of The X Factor in 2017, releasing their debut album Il Ballo Della Vita (The Dance of Life), a triple-platinum seller in Italy, the following year.

In March of this year, the band won Italy’s Sanremo contest, which meant they would go on to compete in Eurovision. Their song, “Zitti e Buoni”, with its blaring bass and wailing guitars, may have seemed an unlikely contender for the pop-friendly competition, but ended up taking home the top prize – making Måneskin the first Italian act to win the contest since 1990, and the first rock act since 2006.

Måneskin are dedicated to making rock music, favouring loud, gritty guitar, bass, and sprawling riffs, evoking the glam and classic-rock styles of decades past. Their influences include a mix of older and modern bands, including Led Zeppelin, Fleetwood Mac, Nirvana, Franz Ferdinand, Arctic Monkeys, the Sex Pistols, and Slaves. David says that he and his bandmates were drawn to the genre’s “energy and the fact that it allows you to express yourself in many, many different ways”.“It's not just a kind of music, it’s also an attitude,” says Torchio.

However, Måneskin were discouraged from making rock music throughout their career, as guitars fell out of favour with younger listeners. “We feel like we made everything by ourselves and I think that makes it even sweeter,” says David. “We had to fight a lot for what we believed in because everyone was telling us not to do it. But in the end, we did it and we did it to the top.”

Following their Eurovision victory, the band started to take off on TikTok, despite not being on the app themselves. The tag #maneskin now has more than four billion views. “I think that the cool part of TikTok is that any song can go viral, even after years,” says De Angelis, pointing to Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams” as an example.

Måneskin experienced that first-hand when their 2017 cover of The Four Seasons’ “Beggin’” blew up on the app this summer. The song has been used more than ten million times on TikTok, and claimed the top spot on Spotify’s Global Top 50 chart for four weeks.

The band members, who recorded the cover as teenagers during their X Factor run, have mixed feelings about the song’s success. “Of course we were really, really happy (with) what was going on but when we look at the picture on that song, and we hear the mix, we just think that many, many things could have been done better,” says David. “We were very (young) when we made it,” says De Angelis. “(Whereas now) we have other songs we wrote ourselves which we think were done better.” “And other clothes!” adds David.

Thankfully for the band, “Beggin’” – which David compares to “the cringey video that your parents show at Christmas dinner… but it’s global” – wasn’t the only song of theirs to perform well. Måneskin became the first Italian band to have two songs – “Beggin’” and “I Wanna Be Your Slave” – in the Top 10 of the UK Singles Chart simultaneously, with the songs peaking at six and five, respectively. Over the past year, charts and radio are proving more amenable to guitar-driven music and rock has surged in popularity, as pop artists like Miley Cyrus, Willow, and Olivia Rodrigo turn to the genre, with Måneskin becoming the leaders of rock’s resurgence.

It’s not a position the band take lightly. “We feel like we have the power and a huge number of people listening to us,” says David. “So we feel like we can do something meaningful and useful.” Måneskin are committed to using their platform to share their message of self-expression and to empower those who face discrimination. Says De Angelis: “Growing up in Italy, which can be a very narrow-minded and conservative country, we experienced a lot (of discrimination), especially in the music industry, with the way we look and everything. And so it’s just a thing that is part of us and that we feel we can speak about.”

Their latest album, Teatro D’Ira: Vol I, released in March, has a running thread of refusing to conform, with recent single “I Wanna Be Your Slave” subverting gender roles. But these messages also come through in the band’s glam style, which landed them a starring role in a recent campaign for Gucci. “We hope we can inspire people to dress as they want and to behave as they want in everyday life,” says David.

The members of Måneskin proudly challenge gender norms and encourage others to express their sexuality, taking a stand against homophobia. In June, David and Raggi shared a kiss on stage at the end of a performance in Poland, amid rising anti-LGBT sentiment in the country. “We think that everyone should be allowed to do this without any fear,” said David during the performance. “We think that everyone should be completely free to be whoever the fuck you want… Love is never wrong.” It’s a message which has helped them connect with fans around the world, according to De Angelis: “A lot of people tell us very meaningful things and that we are helping them in many ways and this is unbelievably precious for us.”

At the same time, there are many who don’t understand what Måneskin are trying to do, and act “like we were doing something that was too much, too weird, too freak,” says David. But the frontman points out that Måneskin aren’t the kind of band to let reactions like that faze them, instead using them as fuel for their latest track, “Mammamia”. “It’s about doing something great (which) people don’t want to understand and just (make) judgments and bad comments. But in a very funny way, of course. We made fun of haters, basically.”

The brash song, with tongue-in-cheek lyrics like, “They ask me why I’m so hot / ’Cos I’m Italiano,” was written soon after the band won Eurovision, and came together quickly. “From the first time, we were like, ‘Mamma mia, this is a good song!’” says Torchio.

It’s been a whirlwind year for the band, with their summer filled with festival performances including Global Citizen in Paris – a far cry from the streets of Rome they played as teenagers. When asked about what advice they’d give to their younger selves, De Angelis says, “Nothing. Do exactly what you did. But make a better picture for ‘Beggin’.”

x

[pop-punklouis]

top five HL fanfic!!!!

biiiiitch you all know how hard it is for me to choose only 5. but sigh FINE here’s my all-time favorite list that isn’t 5 sorry i can’t choose 😔:

• Here in the Afterglow (89k)

“If you hadn’t noticed, I don’t have many friends,” Louis whispers, the blossom of insecurity in his stomach unfurling and clawing its way into his throat.

Harry is silent for a long time, and then he speaks; a soft, slow uncurl that makes Louis’ stomach shake. “I’ll be your friend.” 1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

• Coax the Cold (86k)

England, 1897.

English Professor Louis Tomlinson’s passion for the occult has been a source of mockery and derision for most of his life. When he hears whispers of a travelling freak show newly established in London claiming the existence of a monstrous sea hybrid, half-man, half-fish, Louis sees it as his ticket to credibility amongst his peers. The summer he spends undercover working on the show, however, gives him much more than that.

• Wild and Unruly (124k)

Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

• This Wicked Game (70k)

An AU in which The Bachelor is gay, Louis is a contestant, Harry is the bachelor, everyone drinks a lot of champagne, the entire world gets to watch them fall in love, and no one plays by the rules.

• Love is a Rebellious Bird (135k)

AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

• Fixated On One Star (53k)

Louis is just a boy with the world on his shoulders, and Harry's just a boy from the wrong side of the galaxy. A little thing like love doesn't stand a chance against a thousand years of war, at least until the right two come along to break the mold.

Or: space Romeo and Juliet AU

• Finding Lou (60k)

Louis is the nomadic stranger who wanders into Harry’s bookstore. Harry is the skeptic who falls for him.

• California Sold

Notoriously closeted boyband member Harry Styles is famous on a global scale, meanwhile Louis, as his best friend, is back home in Manchester, living the typical life of a 24 year old. When Harry needs Louis with him in LA, a publicity stunt gone wrong changes their friendship forever.

A fake-relationship AU between two lifelong best friends.

• Empty Skies (134k)

For three years, Harry has been running from his past. Now, he is moving to London and pledges to fulfil his only dream -- making it big in the music industry. Not everyone has a place, though, and the competition is tough. As is his past catching up on him.

Louis is part of the biggest boy band of the world, and getting there had meant a lot of hard work, as well as sacrificing parts of his heart and soul. He's still happy. Maybe not as happy as he could be, but who is he to complain?

• And Then a Bit (159k)

“We’d like to give the fans what they want.” Magee states, placing his hand on the table in front of him and leaning forward. “We want to give them Larry Stylinson.”

Or, take a parallel universe where Louis and Harry were never together, mix in a two year hiatus and an impending comeback, pour in a dash of lost fans, two tablespoons of strong friendship and a Modest! employee with a good idea. Add a squeeze of pretending to be a couple, lots of kisses and a tattoo or two. Stir. Serve: the mother of all publicity stunts. (aka Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.)

• Dream Awake (31k)

The sun leaks through the tent wall behind him the way it leaks through eyelids, bathing the boy in an ethereal half-light as he croons. The crowd is mesmerized. Louis is mesmerized. This is the most important person in the world, he thinks wildly, and then can't figure out how to take it back.

On a hazy day in August, Louis sees Harry perform at a music festival as an unsigned act and convinces him to spend the rest of the weekend in his company. Harry gets signed; life changes. They never really wake up from the dream.

• Say You’ll Remember (93.5k)

au. louis and harry are best mates that are only half aware that they're also soulmates. alternatively, louis goes to university and harry travels the world, and they always manage to find their way back to each other.

takes place over nine years, in which they love and hurt, make mistakes and learn, and above all, grow.

• Outwit, Outplay, Outlast (61k)

Survivor All-Stars AU in which Harry and Louis are just in this game to win the million dollars, but they end up with something better.

Featuring Harry's yellow swim shorts, Louis in snapbacks, and OT5 shenanigans.

• Nothing Else But Us Right Here (35k)

Louis sighs and gives himself a mental pep talk as he smooths his jumper down over his hips. He can do this. He can resist the draw of Harry Styles, because he is a responsible, mature adult, and as much as he wants to tangle his fingers in that mess of hair and map those ridiculous tattoos with his tongue, he does not want to get his daughter’s favorite teacher fired.

• Wings to Break Your Fall (103k)

strip club AU. Harry’s work and family are keeping him busy. He really isn’t looking for a relationship, doesn’t want one. He just wants Louis. Problem is, Louis has other plans.

• Leave it to the Breeze (81k)

Louis couldn’t be prouder of his bake, but there’s something—there’s something. Something about Harry Styles and the earnest way he measures, pours, mixes, scrapes. Something about the tip of his tongue poking out of his mouth as he knocks the air out of his batter.

or a great british bake off au in which louis cares about winning and winning only, harry is made of sunshine and rainbow sprinkles, and niall sticks his nose into other people's business. also featuring liam as louis's best friend-slash-concerned mother, and zayn as a macaron connoisseur.

• You Come Beating Like Moth’s Wings (81k)

Harry smiles. He's only known Louis for about two hours, knows nothing about him past his first name, but he's nice and sarcastic and helpful and so, so pretty. And Harry's still got a few days left in Barcelona, and he thinks he wouldn't mind spending them with Louis.

Also known as, Harry takes the summer before uni to travel Europe and meets Louis in Barcelona, and they end up traveling together.

• Hold Me Closer (36.5k)

Louis Tomlinson is one of the most promising dancers of the English National Ballet, on track to become the youngest principal dancer in the company's history. That is, until forces conspire to significantly complicate his life, including: a surprise ballet, an unfairly attractive guest choreographer, and being pushed into a rivalry with his best mate. Featuring lots of wine, dancing, pining, and a happy ending.

• In Vogue (121k)

Fashion AU. Louis is the editor in chief of Vogue magazine, and Harry's running British GQ. Featuring Zayn as the crazy creative director and Louis' confidant, Liam as the sports writer that gets to sit front row at fashion week and DJ Neil as the only sane person in the whole story. (There are no skinny jeans in this fic)

• These Things Will Never Change for Us at All (1.5k)

The room falls silent as they stay wrapped up in each other. Harry can feel Louis’ soft breaths on his neck, and he almost thinks Louis’ fallen asleep until he says softly, “How did you know you were in love with me?”

Or, Harry and Louis look back on five years.

• A Runaway American Dream (15k)

AU. they take route 66 with only each other and their secrets.

• Things Have Gotten Closer to the Sun (49k)

it’s strange, making the choice to face his past—it almost feels like he’s heading for the sun straight on, like he’s screaming come on and burn me, i deserve it.

when a solar flare is announced to end the world in twelve days, harry reunites with the people that he used to know better than the back of his own hand.

• Here (in your arms) (60k)

the one where Louis is a successful real estate agent and Harry works at a retirement home. They’ve never had a real home. Up until now.

(Starring Liam Payne as a fitness trainer, Zayn as an artist, and Niall, who busks.)

• These Inconvenient Fireworks (190k)

Future AU in which nobody tries out for X Factor but the boys end up finding one other eventually anyway. Louis is a jaded bastard who owns a cat named Duchess and teaches drama to teenagers, Harry is an idealistic aspiring photographer/part-time footy coach, Zayn teaches English lit and wears leather jackets, Liam saves people from burning buildings, and Niall is Niall.

• In Dreams (23k)

AU. When Harry moves to a new city, his new flat come with a number of sweet, anonymous gifts and surprises that brighten his days. Could it be a friendly ghost? Another friendly presence in his new building is his tattooed neighbor, Louis, who seems determined to put a smile back on his face.

• My Heart is Breathing for this Moment in Time (160k)

When Louis first saw Harry at the 2010 X Factor Auditions, he thought he was watching a peculiarly special stranger. But Harry has known Louis ever since he was five years old. Because Louis has a rare genetic disorder that causes him to Time Travel to important moments in his past and in his future - and to Harry, always to Harry. When they’re put into a band together, it seems like everything Harry has been waiting and wishing for has finally come true. Except for the small fact that Louis doesn’t know that Harry is in love with him- that Harry’s always been in love with him. Fate, it would seem, is just getting started.

A story about growing up and growing together, and the impossible love that makes it all worthwhile.

• Paint the Sky with Stars (63k)

On 10 April 1912, Harry Styles boards the finest ship the world has ever seen. Still grieving the death of their mother, he and his sister are being sent to America to live with a callous uncle who cares more about his business connections than family. Harry prepares himself for a long, disappointing voyage alone in his stateroom. Louis Tomlinson has borrowed and saved, and finally has enough to purchase a Third Class ticket to America. With all of his belongings in a single ruck sack, he boards the Titanic filled with hope for a brighter future. Never one to sit still, he can’t resist exploring the massive ship, and soon goes sneaking into First Class in a stolen steward’s uniform. By a twist of fate, Louis finds himself in Harry’s stateroom, entranced by the most attractive man he’s ever laid eyes on. He keeps returning day after day, even if he doesn’t understand what it is about Harry that continues pulling him in. That’s all right; Louis has a week to figure it out, and Harry is plenty willing to help. Except they don’t have a week. They have four days. Because on 15 April, their entire world will be turned upside down.

Or, the historically accurate Titanic AU with a happy ending.

• Through Eerie Chaos (102k)

For as long as anyone can remember, Old Hillsbridge Manor has always been believed to be haunted. Everyone in the village agrees and keeps a respectful, fearful, distance. New in town after a bad breakup and an internship that led to disappointment rather than a permanent job, Harry Styles figures taking pictures of the decrepit building could be a great new creative project. Or at least a much-needed distraction while he searches for a job and crashes at his parents’ new house. No one warned him about the apparitions though; about the music, the laughter, the people who flicker and vanish when you call after them, the echoes of a past that should be long gone… Harry has never believed in spirits but even he can admit that there’s something weird going on. What starts as mere curiosity evolves into a full-blown investigation and soon enough, Harry finds himself making friends with an aristocrat from the 1920s and struggling with finding the best way to tell him that he’s dead.

The Ghost Hunter AU where Niall lives to prove ghosts are real, Zayn is a skeptical librarian and Harry gets caught up in a century-old mystery and catches feeling in the process.

[antichristsxbox]

Hi! I’d like to request Michael x Reader where Michael has to deal with a very drunk reader? Perhaps scare off drunken suitors? 👀

Summary: The reader and Michael are at a party, but Michael isn’t too thrilled when another guy tries to hit on you. I choose to make this a college party where both the reader and Michael are students attending a frat party. Also, warning, this is smutty! :)

From the writer: Hey, Anon! Sorry it took me so long to answer this, I was trying to think of a good setting/context for this to happen. Also, I’m sorry if there’s a few imperfections as I only proofread this a couple of times and didn’t have anybody else look it over. I was just eager for you guys to read this and I’m excited about it because I really need to practice writing smut, so let me know if you like this! If you happen to like this, check out the new fic I’m working on here! I’m planning on making it a few more chapters and some chapters will definitely contain smut. If that’s not your thing, check out my masterlist with plenty more things to read! Also, I’m sorry I couldn’t find a better gif but I love Jimmy Fallon so I think this is alright. :)

Word count: 2,125

“You can’t make me,” you say, downing another shot of Tito’s. You would much rather chase with cranberry juice, but this bar only has diet cranberry. Diet drinks have a really weird aftertaste, and mixed with alcohol, they just bring out the worst notes in each other.

Michael had been trying to get you to slow your roll, but it’s Friday night. There are only two weekend nights in the entire week, and you may as well make the most of it before it’s back to class on Monday. As you lower the glass from your lips, you see your friends heading outside to watch the game of pong. It’s always interesting to see who think they’re going to the the pong champs this week. Or, even better, when another drunk frat guy decides to jump on the folding table and make a complete fool of himself— effectively ending the game of pong when cups and booze come crashing down to the floor with him. Luckily, that hasn’t happened tonight, so far. There is always something entertaining to do— it’s always fun to watch. As you head out with your friends, Michael is now conversing with his lab partner. Both giant nerds, you must applaud them for managing to stay this sober when it’s already nearly eleven o’clock.

Pong has been going well, but somehow, you’ve ended up on a team with your girlfriends rather than being passive observers. On the opposing side, your friends from your art history class, all guys more apt to hold their alcohol than you and your friends. A ping-pong ball landed in a cup right in front of you— warm, gnatty lite makes its way down your throat. Coming up for air only after the last sip was taken, your team makes their shot. Still, you’re a few cups behind the opposing team, but you could be doing much worse.

Eventually, the game is lost to the opposing team and your friends retreat back inside with you. With the winning team quickly following, the room is now bombarded with loud shouts and whoops! from rowdy frat boys.

“Hey, Baby, what’s happening?” a guy wearing a Kappa Alpha dude-tank asks, walking in front of you and blocking you from moving any further in your tracks.

“Ugh, not you,” you say, shoving past him and making your way towards the front of the room. But, Kappa Alpha dude has another plan in mind. As you sit on the stained, alcohol-smelling couch, he follows quickly and is now sitting next to you. It takes a lot to ward off a guy like this, but it may be easier if another guy was with you for the scare factor. Reaching for your phone, you text Michael and tell him to meet you in the living room. It shouldn’t be long now.

As Michael’s eyes lock with yours, you gesture to the guy sitting next to you in an annoyed manner.

“Hey, man,” Michael says, placing a hand on the frat guy’s shoulder, “that’s my girl, you should be heading off now.”

Frat guy does not take this well. He stands, shoves Michael into the dingy lamp next to the couch, and retreats back towards his friends. Although Michael can be hotheaded at times, he decides to let this one go, as this other man is obviously very inebriated and would likely not remember this instance tomorrow. Battery and assault charges may also be harsher towards a defenseless, drunk college boy.

Making the ultimate decision to leave the party, you and Michael make your way towards the other side of campus, near his dorm. This year, he was lucky enough to have a single dorm, rather than sharing with a roommate. The walk over includes soaking in how the light hits the long Spanish moss, then a shadow is cast towards your feet. The most simple things seem to provide entertainment when you’re slightly buzzed. Slightly, since most of the alcohol has worn off at this point— a lingering, weak wash over your senses still in the back of your mind.

Without making it a few steps past Michael’s doorway, his hands already tangle in your hair and draw you in for a sloppy, faded kiss. The fruit punch of Michael’s earlier hurricane drink was lingering on his lips. Your hands snake around his waist and pull him closer. Sometimes, Michael’s protectiveness can steer you away or make you angry that he’s upset in the first place. Tonight, however, he kept his cool and was not reactive in his normal, vicious manner.

“Baby,” you drawl while unbuttoning your top and lifting his shirt. Warm skin presses together as you pull each other close again. Same old, except now you’re half-naked. Very close together, yet not the most intimate you’ve been with your beau by a long shot.

A noticeable bulge in his pants can be felt when you brush against him, still enjoying the sweet taste of his drink from earlier on your lips. Your hands make their way to his bulge and brush over his pants where it’s obvious, and he lets out a whimper as your fingertips settle just to the side of where his bulge lies, hands grabbing his hips and pulling him towards you.

Impatiently, his fingers make haste with your belt, then your pants button and zipper, until you’re standing only in your underwear. Similarly, Michael is now undoing his own pants as you make your way to his bed. Oh, he’s gotten so lucky— a full bed, no roommates, and he’s in the party dorm. Your roommate leaves tangles of hair and blobs of toothpaste in your shared sink. Michael is at such a different level, dorm-wise.

He’s finally made his way to the large bed; you’re under the covers, sinking in to his soft mattress and having soft sheets run past your legs as you wrap yourself around Michael’s waist. Hands grasp above your hips and pull you closer, his solid bulge now very present against your most sensitive area. As your hips roll forward, Michael thrusts forward, and he brushes up against you hard enough that you let out a moan and feel your pulse in your cunt. Muscles clench in your pelvis as Michael thrusts again.

The friction of fabric between you has now become annoying. Hands make their way to the band of your underwear and tug down. Freeing Michael from the constraints of his boxers, his hard cock springs up as his underwear is moved past. Warmness is the only feeling as his member brushes past your soaking pussy.

“He wouldn’t make you feel how you do like I can,” Michael says, moving back, but introducing his fingers to your wetness. They toy with your area for a minute, tracing your entrance and folds, then two are pushed inside— Michael knows one is a fairly lackluster sensation for you. He curls up, hitting your inside walls in the spot you need him most. As your moans  increase in length and volume, Michael only quickens his pace with his fingers. You could feel him curl and straighten his fingers. Your hips rolled to match his pace, but were quickly defeated as he picked up his pace in anticipation of your orgasm.

“Michael, I want you,” you say, reaching for his hand and pushing it down. Fingers are great, especially when they’re Michael’s, but you have fingers too. His cock is truly unique. You thought you would get used to him eventually, but every time with him leaves you amazed at how fresh the feeling is of taking somebody so long with so much girth. At least eight and a half inches, and so wide you could barely touch your index finger to your thumb if you wrapped your hand around him.

He shushes you, but uses his hips to press more firmly where you want him. His hands trace over your hips and eventually fall on your breasts. You sit up, tired of his teasing. Using your hands as a guide, you line him up with your entrance and shift so you could straddle his waist. Hindsight, this may not have been a great idea, seeing how tired you are.

“It’s alright, Baby,” he says, sensing how little energy you have for this, but the needing and wanting still being present. Fully letting yourself relax on him, he fills you up, not a space inside untouched by Michael. Every time you were with Michael was less and less painful. This time, there was no pain present at all— only a very full feeling.

He holds on to your hips, gently thrusting up while keeping you balanced on top of him. You love how when you’re on top of him, you can control how deep he is or not. Using your legs to bounce up and match his pace, you find a rhythm that suits the both of your tired, faded selves. At least alcohol almost never had any bearing on how Michael “performs” but this could be due to the fact that he never consumes much when he drinks anyways.

As your legs begin to give out due to tiredness, Michael senses your growing weakness and slows down so you could sit and take a break. Even without him moving, he still feels amazing to sit upon and take in. Clenching your muscles makes Michael moan and thrust forward. His hands cup your ass and push you towards him.

“Mmm, I could go so hard, so fast,” he says, using his legs to push up again.

“Do it, Michael,” you say, running your fingers through his perfect, blonde curls and staring down at his beautiful blue eyes. A small kiss is exchanged before you dismount from his lap and lay down, face-down.

He normally doesn’t opt for doggy-style. He says he likes to see your face, like to read how his movements affect you and what they make you feel— all easy to understand when looking at your face. But, he knows you like how it feels and the depth that can be achieved when you’re giving him such unrestricted access, all bent over and back arched and ass out, combined with his hard thrusts and strength he could easily bottom out in you.

“Yeah, Baby, you’re gonna fucking get it,” he says, gently grabbing your waist to guide you up while he kneels behind you. Slowly, he enters and slides in and out with caution a few times, testing to see if this felt okay with you. Your soft moans let him know that this was good, and he continued to pick up his pace. Having him coming from the back allowed you to feel him fully, a stuffed sensation as he brushes your cervix with every thrust.

Obscene slaps! fill the room as he picks up his pace even more, a new sensation added as his balls slam against your cunt— he thrusts harder and harder, the new experience being a welcome addition as it stimulates you even more. Your walls tighten after a few moments of him giving it to you like this, but he doesn’t stop or let his pace fall behind.

“Oh, Michael!” you exclaim, now-erratic clenching taking over the muscles in your cunt, squeezing Michael with all the force in your body. Your orgasm has arrived, and the feeling is welcome as you ride it out with Michael continuing to thrust into you. His own orgasm is near, you could tell due to his increased panting and thrusts becoming more sparse, but still hard.

He lets out a yelp, then grabs your legs and pulls you onto him as he thrusts forward, his tip making full contact with your cervix. This happens a few more times before he releases his load deep in your pussy, his own warmth combining with your own making your knees weak. As he slowly pulls out from you, you collapse down on the bed. In a child’s pose like position, you rest your head on his pillow with your legs curled up beneath you. You may need some real yoga tomorrow to stretch out and become less sore after this.

“He couldn’t do that,” Michael says, resting his head next to yours on the other pillow. A smug smile takes over his face as you turn to look at him, planting a soft kiss on his lips. He still has a lingering taste of the sugary hurricane drink he has consumed at the party.

“No, he could not, only you can make me come like that,” you say, pulling the sheets over your naked body, ready for a long night of sleep.

“Likewise,” Michael agrees.

///

Tag list: @langdonsoceaneyes @ms-mead @daydreamingofcody @psychobitchtess @swampwitchh13

[drelleboag]

“Who got the power”? Jese...that’s who!

So, it is confirmed, after 9 years of being a core part of the girl band Little Mix Jesy Nelson has left the building…and why? Because Jesy has had to endure unrelenting trolling and cyber bullying since appearing on the X Factor in 2011. Jesy has been targeted for the past 9 years about her looks, her body shape and her voice…all of which, in my humble opinion are odd things to target as I think Jesy is beautiful, has the figure that many women aspire to (even go “under the knife” to achieve) and an amazing singing voice. However, mine and many hundreds of thousands of voices upholding such a view has little effect on the negativity wrought by the lesser number of cruel online bullies who remain anonymous in order to spread their spiteful and incendiary “voice”.

Seven in 10 young people report experiencing cyberbullying and 26% report feeling suicidal, so clearly the psychological impact of cyberbullying impacts deeply, leading to serious mental health illness such as depression and anxiety, low self-esteem and loneliness. I remember watching Jesy’s speaking out about her experiences and the experiences of others in a documentary on BBC3 in 2019, and at the time wondering if it would relieve the venom that stalks her on social media platforms. Clearly the answer to that is a resounding “NO”, but how Jesy has navigated her own “story” since then is testament to her tenacity and resilience. So kudos to her fighting spirit and strength of character by saying in the most public way possible “enough is enough!” may she be a standard bearer for those who have to suffer at the hands of cowardly bullies who hide behind anonymised false identities whilst they vomit their vitriolic and often unsubstantiated “point of view”, provoking additional spewing of hatred and attacking from others simply “because they can”.

So why do cyberbullies and trolls do it? Well to answer that honestly, you would need to ask them…and we don’t really know who they are as they hardly step up and identify themselves…even Katy Hopkins, whose public and hateful outbursts have led to her famously being branded as the most hated Celebrity in Britain, has the Kahunas and honesty to be open about it – albeit as a means of increasing her fame and notoriety as the “villain” perhaps? Anyway, I digress…one of the key reasons that trolls troll and cyberbullies bully online is because they are anonymous. It has long been recognised that anonymity leads to deindividuation and subsequently all manner of negative behaviour…just think back to any and all crowd-based disturbance… it is individuals within the crowd that cause the most harm, act in the most violent, antisocial and even criminal ways, simply because they are anonymous, and their individual actions are less detectable. It is a small number (in the grand scheme of things) of individuals who start the ball rolling by trolling and cyberbullies continue in their wake once the poison has been injected into the comments on social media platforms. As with trolls, cyberbullies are anonymous and their actions are kept, albeit very close to the line, within the parameters of what is “legal”. In the UK cyberbullying is not, in itself a crime… shocking, but true. There are specific laws that might be breached by trolling someone online, such as the Malicious Communications Act (1988), the Protection from Harassment Act (1997) or the Communications Act (2003) to name but three…but how do you prosecute someone who is anonymous? and who ensures that their actions are as close to illegal as they can get, without (mostly) crossing that line? Basically… you can’t!

So why are celebrities such as Jesy being targeted? Is it jealousy? Or is it something else?

In answering this question, I can only voice my own view, one that I have talked about across the media for some time…it may be explained by the fact that we now pretty much all have social media and can “connect” with “@real….” Celebrity accounts across numerous platforms. Celebrities are now immediately accessible…we feed off of their comments and tweets, we see and review their photos as they live their lives in the public sphere…and as such, we feel a far stronger connection with our chosen celebs. For their part they send us “blanket statements” about how much they love us, how much they are thankful for our support of their latest album/movie/TV role/award…etc. But this is a precarious situation as now we can feel that we own our celebrity, that without us they are nothing that we gave them their status and that we can control their future success or failure. For celebrities such as Jesy in 2011 the feelings of ownership can be argued to be particularly important. The public had journeyed with Little Mix from being created on X Factor® (as each band member auditioned as a solo artist) through their auditions as a group, to the judges houses and finally voting for them to win. Social media accounts were created as part of their existence and platforms were regularly updated with news about their journey; this all added to establish a sense of ownership of the band’s successes (e.g., “if we don’t vote for them, they will be sent home this week”)…and the public developed a need to be connected to them 24-7, expected immediate responses to and likes of comments/tweets, feeling let down if responses are not quick enough, the activity of favourites were compared to fellow band members and the “who is your favourite?” question was raised (mine, btw was always Jese!). A comparator that has always made between females (and is now on the rise for males too) is about idealised (and outdated) looks, body shape/size…for example: too thin, too fat, too small, too big, too short, too tall, too White, too Black, too flat chested, too busty.

Anything that allows comparison (so basically anything at all), that favouritism of one person over another that then offers the opportunity for trolls to make their first insinuations and drip-feeding of poison onto the platform… someone responds to them… and it feeds their need to add more negativity, and so it begins…cyberbullies then see an opportunity to really dig in with some nastiness…again, by responding, their negativity and hatefulness grows… they positively thrive on the defence of their chosen target! They don’t care what you think of them, you don’t know who they are…they could be anyone for all you know! … and there is that anonymity again!

So, what, if anything can be done? What can targets of trolls and cyberbullies do? How can they protect themselves from experiencing the psychological harm that comes from persistent pervasive drip-feeding of poison about their looks, their body shape, their personality, their talents, or other personal attribute aimed at bringing about the maximum hurt?

Well take a leaf out of Jesy’s book…take back control

I have cobbled together some loose ideas that might help you work through the process of taking back control below, these are simply my thoughts about what you can do, but if they help then that is only a good thing:

1.     Make it known that you are coming off of social media and do so straight away. You do not have to justify the decision, and do not wait around for the bullies to respond…just close your accounts.

2.     Now identify what is causing you the most upset. Is it the words? are they tapping into your own insecurities? or is it the intention behind their words that is most upsetting? is it something else? …etc. If you don’t know, speak to close others (e.g., family and friends) and ask for their view.

3.     Once identified, focus on what impact experiencing the cyberbullying and trolling is having on your mental health…and be honest with yourself…and speak to close others (e.g., family and friends) about how they feel it is impacting you, remember that they see you from the outside, from your behaviour and responding to them…not from the inside (as you do!). Don’t feel judged or guilty, it is simply about identifying what it is that you

4.     Next, address the immediate issue about your mental health. If it is having a detrimental effect on your day-to-day life speak to your GP, take someone with you if you feel able to; having a second “voice” can often be helpful to identify issues that you might forget about, or that you haven’t identified; your GP needs as much information as possible to help you properly. If you are not impacted on a day-to-day basis, and/or once your mental health is on a stable footing, ask yourself whether you feel able to tackle this without professional help, or whether you should undertake some counselling? or whether you are willing to work with close others (family and friends)?  and importantly are your close others able to (although they may desperately want to) support you properly? If no to the latter, seek out a counsellor or seek advice online or over the phone from one of the many mental health charities that exist (e.g., Mind, NHS mental health and wellbeing support, young minds) who will signpost you to appropriate support networks.

5.     Recognise that working through the effects of your psychological and emotional trauma is not a quick process. It takes no time at all to knock someone down (for chronic attacks this is exaggerated) but it takes a long time for them to have the confidence to stand up again. Be invested in building up your resilience and confidence.

6.     Surround yourself with people who mean something to you; do not isolate yourself…we are social creatures and need to be with others. If you live alone, join a group and get involved in community activities, if you are religious get involved in your faiths’ community projects … I am sure that your volunteering will be most gratefully received (and I believe even permitted under tier 3 restrictions…but do check!). There are ways that you can be active and be sociable that do not involve going to the pub! Which by the way is totally out for anyone in tier 3 anyway!

7.     Live your life free from the chains of those who brought you down!

Finally, always remember that you are you…and only you can be you…it is not for others to tell you who you are, and anyone who wants to do so is simply not worth your concern. Be stronger than them and remove yourself from the equation…take you back from them…and always have the lyrics from Little Mix themselves in 2017:

“Who got the power? I got the, I got the power I got the, I got the power I got the, I got the power Hold up!”

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: James Abrahart / Camille Purcell / Dano Omelio

Power lyrics © Bmg Gold Songs, 360 Music, Artist Publishing Group East, Robopop Musik, Sony/atv Music Publishing Allegro (uk), Jayded Ink Publishing

[smolbeandrabbles]

Flaws - Andrew ‘Pope’ Cody x Reader (Animal Kingdom)

Happy Birthday @mandy23b - I love you ❤ So I have too much of a thing for this GIF...

Author’s Note: You know that the Andrew Cody I write is always a nice mix of both of them so...

Hopefully you enjoy whatever angle you’re looking at this from... ...And if you have the perspective of both, I hope you enjoy twice! First let me tag the #AndrewCrew @jeneyre​ @beany-ben​ 

Disclaimer: Animal Kingdom show and movie themes and characters not mine. / lyrics not mine; Andrew once again is juxtaposed in my group choice  “Oh yeah, Take That! They sound like and Andrew Cody band!” 

Premise: In your best attempt to show him what real family is like, you persuade  Andrew to come with you to meet yours... Words: 9351 Warnings: Swearing - maybe an insulin warning?

_______ You should know what you're fighting for Can't promise you oh that perfect life To get this far I've seen darker times Never looking up, running from the light Always out of reach, ignoring every sign You should know cuz I care about you And you deserve more than any truth The dirt and soil it's still beneath my nails Don't know how to win only how to fail I have so many, so many flaws If you take me, if you take me, they're yours And if you see tomorrow I'll give you it all Take me, take me, I'm yours... ---

When you’d met Andrew you had a fiancé. When you’d met Andrew he’d been on a job. Well, no, that was an understatement - because the job had been you. (True you hadn’t driven that car to work since then “Aw, but my other one is boring!” “But it doesn’t draw attention!” “...But I love it.” “I know you do. But you should do it for your own safety.” “Why, do you worry?” “Why, would you do it for me...?”) And through a series of too-strange-to-be-coincidences you’d now ended up here...

You’d come this far with him, but there was a lot that was still hard. He didn’t really like talking about his family, but he did because you asked him. Plus if you’d been ‘the job’ then you knew whatever was up with them couldn’t be good. However he wouldn’t let you meet them; and it wasn’t an argument, it was just something he told you. He’d rather you didn’t. At first this was okay with you, until you realised the likelihood of that meaning you were the world’s biggest secret. And give or take information about what he did, you had told your family all about him. You guess you didn’t mind being a secret - but there were implications with it that made you sad; it would be dangerous for his family to know about you? They would use you as leverage? You didn’t know exactly what, but you knew it upset you. And you knew that that wasn’t how family was supposed to behave.

This all took a strain on him. And you could tell - often he’d leave without saying goodbye, and he’d go silent until the next time he turned up at your house. The occasional text wasn’t really enough, but you loved and trusted him enough to understand why he needed to do this. You knew the kind of man he was; what he did. But, you wanted to give him a real family - one you knew he wouldn’t have to hide anything from, and he could be himself around. (Well, maybe that was wishful thinking. But you knew your family well enough to know what they would and wouldn’t tolerate). It wasn’t exactly the easiest subject to broach with him though, because it would involve him being away from his own family life for at least a couple of days. And the blank stare he gave you when you finally managed to get the idea out of your head, said that he thought it a less-than-ideal situation. “... You want me to what?” “It’d just be a long weekend, four days maximum.” “Y/N... I... I don’t think that’s a good idea...” “Well you won’t let me meet yours, but I want you to meet mine...” “...Why?” “Why not?” Was about the only good counter you had - because I love you, because you deserve this, because what you have is not a real family...? “...well, when?” You gave a shrug “Whenever you think you can get away for that long. I know you spend a lot of time protecting me Andrew, I don’t want it to screw that up either.” “It’s more what your family will think of me.” “...Well, I think they’ll love you.” His laugh was sarcastic; “I’m sure.” “Look, will you please just come?” Andrew sighed; “Will it make you happy?” You folded your arms, wondering why that needed to be a factor, but if it’d get him to budge on this... “...Yes. But it’s not about making me happy.” “I’ll do it.” He gave a nod, “Next weekend. Three days. Home Sunday night.” “Okay...” you agreed with a smile, “No more no less...”

 *

 The car drive was almost completely silent. And Andrew looked more than a little uncomfortable - even though he reassured you every time you asked if he was okay or not. You tried to keep him talking but it was harder than you imagined. Was he nervous? That was strange to you; you couldn’t imagine a situation where Andrew would be uncomfortable. Ah, domestic life! but then that only made you wonder even more what his family was like. What was home life for him? He was comfortable enough every time he stayed with you, and it wasn’t a people thing considering his extensive siblings... unless it was a people thing. That Andrew Cody wasn’t used to not being the one in the room calling the shots. That he wasn’t used to being in an unfamiliar place. (Did that even make sense to you? Surely every job was also pulled in somewhere so unfamiliar... if not cased. Still, you supposed, familiar company...)

You’d seen him pack his little orange bottle of pills this morning - and you didn’t know if that was a good sign that he was trying, or a bad sign that he thought he was going to need them. “Did you take one?” “Yeah. And I hate taking them, so this is for you.” “I know you do...” you carefully removed one hand from the wheel and took hold of his, to let him know how much that meant “You don’t have to do it for me.” “No, but, I at least want to make a good first impression.” You smiled, rather than laughed - that was a sweet thing of him to consider. He didn’t have to do that. Heck you would give him a gold star just for turning up.

 —

 It was a long drive. And although Andrew offered multiple times to swap with you, you just kept shaking your head, he didn’t need to do that. And you knew the way, you had this, it was easier for you to drive than for you to sit and tell him directions. And you liked doing things like this for him - after all, like he said, he was coming all this way for you.

When you arrived it was nearing dark, and you rolled neatly up into the drive. “Huh!” He studied your family home from the passenger side; “Not what I expected!” “In a good way or a bad way?” You nodded to it “It’s bigger on the inside...” He tipped his head with a frown, and a glint to those bright eyes that made you jog his arm “Don’t case my parents’ house!” There was almost a laugh there; “Can’t help it. Force of habit.” The front door opened before you’d even stepped out of the vehicle and light flooded the little porch your parents had. Andrews face clearly read that he thought they were a little too eager, so you thought you better get out and calm them down quick. “Take all the time you need okay...” you placed your hand over his “It’s gonna be fine... they’re just excited.” “Yeah...” That was fairly uncertain, so you leant across to kiss his cheek. “I love you, Andrew, you know that...” Reassurance; as if that’s what he needed, that it didn’t matter what happened or what anyone else thought, you would leave here with your love intact. He mattered more to you right now than maybe anything else. And your parents would understand that if they didn’t already. You hopped out of your car and ran to the porch and straight into a tight embrace; “Y/N!!!” Andrew watched all this very carefully from his seat, undoing the belt at snail’s pace - he was trying to calculate all this very quick in his head. If he could figure your family out from here, he’d understand exactly the kind of man he had to be when he stepped out of this car. Andrew took a deep breath, now or never to be the man you needed him to be. “...Mom! Dad!” You pulled back, “It’s great to see you!” “It’s great to have you home sweetheart...!!!” They both looked expectantly to the car on the driveway; and you hushed them for a minute “He’s not used to this... I just... I know you’re very enthusiastic about meeting him but... if you can tone down your enthusiasm just a little I think it’s help him out... y’know, at least until he’s used to it... and I wouldn’t ask if I-” It was their turn to hush you; “It’s okay, sweetheart we know – we can be a little... full on. And we want to make sure he’s comfortable, but loved.” “Me too...” you turned back to the car yourself to watch him hop out, and then round the back to collect your bags “... You have no idea...” then you turned back to your parents “Oh God, the kids?!” “It’s all okay - either out for the night or upstairs... does he know!?” You grimaced slightly; “One step at a time... at least let him think it’s quiet. Else I’ll be finding a ride home...”

Even Andrew’s footsteps were fairly uncertain as he walked up the driveway. He checked everything - and you knew he was surveying his surroundings; quick escape routes, what his options were for safe places... that would set him less on edge. Finally you saw him take a deep breath; like he’d figured it all out in his mind, and his steps picked up, confident, as he made the rest of the way to the porch, his and your bags slung over his shoulder. “Ah! You must be Andrew! It’s a pleasure to meet you!”  Your mom stepped forward first; tonally bright - to which she received a smile. “And you...” Then he turned to your father and extended his hand; “Sir.” That almost made you laugh, but you held it back. Ah, the unconventional bending to the wills of convention! You spent the rest of your parents’ introductions focusing on his expression - you weren’t sure how you would feel about his determination to act through this weekend. Still, at least he seemed guarded but comfortable... Andrew could instantly tell the most threatening force in this house would still be him.

 The first few hours were quiet, your parents didn’t ask or push too much from him, as the four of you sat there in the living room making small talk. But good small talk, nothing useless or empty that Andrew would have no time for (being the man he was) and you found the mood peaceful, and calm and not one force of tension in sight - there wasn’t one hanging awkward silence or pause as someone’s brain desperately searched for something to say. And you liked that. You liked that your parents took things you had told them and made light surface conversation... and they didn’t dive too deep when taking initiative from his answers; Andrew had many people to get to know this weekend, even though he didn’t know it yet. They all would ask him the same thing 10 times and he was the only one they all had to get to know. What you knew best is he’d never agree to do this if you told him what was really going on here...

You just hoped he might forgive you.

 *

 Andrew woke up to the sound of voices. Too many voices. Too many young voices... He groaned and pushed his palms against his eyes - what now? He shifted his body to try and shut it out - in what position could he hear it least-!? But as he moved around Andrew also realised he was alone. With a sigh of discontent he opened his eyes, staring hard at the bedroom wall. Well, there was no way he was getting back to sleep with that racket. And no you (not to mention no note or anything!!). he slid out of bed and dressed, but upon opening the door to your room, realised that made the noise level increase. He scowled for just a second, not exactly what he had in mind to wake up to - but then he supposed in a good neighbourhood like this... there’d be a lot of families.

However, his annoyance turned to curiosity turned to anxiousness. Those voices were definitely in this house - not a neighbouring one, or a back yard or playing in the street - this house. He stood at the top of the stairs for far too long, and then took it one slow step at a time. He crept down the steps trying to make sure his senses weren’t deceiving him. Step and stop. Step and stop. And listen. He couldn’t really hear what was going on, a lot of indistinct chatter and voices talking over each other but, Andrew was desperately trying to isolate those voices to count them. And then rake through every conversation you’d ever had to figure out who the children might be. He peered over the banisters to see if he could at least figure out where you all were.

“...Okay! Okay! Will you lot calm down! You’ll wake the whole house!” He smiled gently at the familiarity of your own voice. “But we wanna meet Andrew!!!” “I realise that-! But trust me the last thing he’s gonna wanna hear at this time in the morning is you guys screaming... you’re giving me a headache just, hush a sec-!” “Why!?” “Why what-! Just quiet down-!” “You’re not the boss of us!” That was at least 3 different children already. “Oh, so you want me to get mom?!” Andrew noticed that lowered the decibel levels, and he smiled – that was a threat he knew all too well. He guessed you were in the kitchen, considering his attempt to visually seek you out was in vein, but he was still a little anxious. That was a lot of voices - and busy situations never really put him at his best. Especially if all attention was on him - which he assumed it would be. He reached the bottom stair and took his time with reaching the lounge, taking a deep breath. Working himself up to the fact that all those voices belonged to kids who would all soon be clamouring for attention from him. Andrew peered around the corner, and was glad for a few seconds more of respite when he realised that all of them were gathered into one part of the kitchen, probably around you. “So what’s he like?” ...and still talking about him. “Yeah Y/N! Tell us everything!” “Like I didn’t already?” Your laugh was bright “Ask him yourself. Not all at once mind.” “Why? Is he shy?” “Ha! No.” Okay, maybe a little. At something like this. “But why would you want second hand information!?” “Pleaaaase can we go get him!” “No! Leave the poor man alone!” “Aw! But why not?!” “Let me put it this way - how would you feel if a bunch of adults you didn’t know waltzed into your room to drag you out of bed?” He shuffled a little further into the room and took another deep breath, trying to unfaze himself – the oldest couldn’t have been any more than 14.

“Uh, hey.” They all turned suddenly at the sound of his voice. Even when quiet it held a tone about it that made you listen. And one by one they all gasped, but held silent on your instruction. You bit your lip gently in silent apology that you’d put him in this situation, even though he kept his eyes steady on them. As if your parents wasn’t tremendous pressure enough – maybe he really would need those pills! “Kids, this in Andrew - who I’m sure you’ve all heard me speak far too much about.” You gave him a wink “Andrew, meet the foster siblings. I don’t even remember their names...Sooooo...” “Hey!!!” Three of the youngest turned back to you which made you laugh. But suddenly he was again faced with 8 pairs of eyes looking at him and that didn’t include yours.

Instead Andrew raised his own to you slowly and you could see all the questions on his face that started with ’why didn’t you...?!’ Your slight apology was again in your smile. And you looked back to the kids - “Well, introduce yourselves, make him feel welcome - DON’T smother him. Ask how he likes his French toast...!” You gave a wink to your boyfriend “Andrew, honey, you can sit down. And honestly, if they get too much you have my permission to tell them to get lost!”

There were wines of protest yet again from the group, but they politely didn’t coddle him all at once. You watched him pay close attention to all of them as they told him their names in age order. Five boys. Three girls. And from what he could tell from a variety of backgrounds and nationalities; Alexei, Ignacio, Lucas, Genevieve, Connor, Harriet, Laurence and Carrie.  And nicknames, like he didn’t have enough to learn. Satisfied he’d got it all down he turned back to the only person in the room that hadn’t moved; “How I like my French toast?” He raised an eyebrow at you; “Dunno, about time I - with the help of the dream team - make you breakfast. And you’re the guest Andrew, so you pick, as you might have heard from the commotion these guys can’t decide.” He held his hands up “I like surprises!” That made them all turn to him; “Andrew! Pick my idea!” “No!! Andrew mine is better!!! Mine!!!” You sighed, “Guys what did I just say! Give him a break!” He laughed “How do you like it?” “Me?” You pointed to yourself “oh, I’m a simple girl…” He leant his head on his hand with a small smile; “Well, I don’t mind that.” “Are you guys flirting-!” “Shut up!” You pushed one of the older boys; “you just earned yourself chores Alexei!” “Aw c’mon!” “No as the oldest you know I need your help, get back here.”

 Andrew watched you collect Alexei, Lucas and Gen together to help you, and turned back to the rest of them. He tried to remember each name very carefully, and work out all their attributes. Well, it was what he did best… They all looked very different, and seemed to have wildly unique personalities. That helped, it made things easier. But it didn’t make it any less information to take in. So pretty soon he was back to studying you and your worktop;

“Oh, hold on...” he pointed to the vividly coloured juice standing to one side, “Is this one of your super-secret smoothies?” Your eyes flicked to him with a tiny smirk; “Maybe.” Carrie gasped; “Have you had one?!” Andrew turned to her with a shake of his head “Don’t think I ever got that far...” “Y/N!!!!” You held your hands up to protest innocence “It’s not like I haven’t offered.” “Well,” He scoffed, folding his arms “a sip isn’t a glass.” You narrowed your eyes at him; see - Andrew knew the game and he was playing into it easily. Get the kids on side, you win the argument no matter what. His tone matched in playful amusement that almost threatened to cross his face. He’d done this his entire life in just about every situation you could think of. There’s no way he wasn’t gonna for here. That all had them gasping and turning to you in horror; “Oh For Goodnessake! He can have some here-! Don’t you all start on me!!” But you knew they would, Andrew Cody was already flexing his muscles to take this family over. And none of them would have any idea. Sneaky little…!! But you laughed to yourself, if it made his comfortable you weren’t about to blame him. You picked up your mug of coffee, allowing the older children to finish their own toast under your watchful eye as a calm lul fell over the table as they shot him a lot of much easier childish questions. And he answered with a kind of childish enjoyment. Until through all the quieter questions, Gen cut across from where she was standing with you. “Have you two kissed?!” You almost choked on your coffee at the way she made it sound like the most scandalous thing the two of you could possibly do, oh the pure innocence of children Andrew leant on his hand again with an amused smile and responded as only he could; “Mmm hmm!” She covered her mouth with her hand and looked to you with wide eyes. You just gave a gentle shrug and tried to ignore the look on Alexei’s face at her question. Yeah alright, let her think that’s the most intimate thing that can happen! * You made them all sit up to the table with him and quiet down as you plated up French Toast and poured everyone drinks. “Alright, eat slow, drink slower, breathe...” “Can we say Grace?” “You may...” Andrew gave you a look, to which you shook your head. Not unless he wanted to, you weren’t about to make him play to every whim of your littlest siblings. In fact as they all closed their eyes and spoke in unison, you continued around the kitchen, and Andrew’s eyes followed you. They were all straight in when they’d finished, but he was still staring at you. “What?” You mouthed, and he just shook his head.  He liked watching you. That wholesomeness that seemed nearly incorruptible by his life. He liked seeing you be you.

You loved that look, even when there wasn’t a smile on his face, that look in his eyes drew you to him. You liked the shirt he was wearing today, the red stripes in different colours, and you were rewarded for your curiosity with it being soft cotton, as you gathered him in your arms; running your fingers into his hair, he let out a soft hum, picking up his glass as you kissed the top of his head. He took a sip. “Mmm. No, that’s good...” Andrew ran one of his own arms around your waist and tipped his head back to catch your lips with his. “Oh? Compliments Mr.Cody?” “Well, I only save them for you...” He murmured, and you let him steal another, before nodding to his toast; “You’re missing out on the best bit.” “Oh yeah?” “Ohhh Yeah.” You leant on his shoulder to watch the way he meticulously cut it, and then stopped turning to you; “Is that chocolate, miss?” “Uh huh.” “You are unbelievable.” He pulled it apart delicately and made sure he wouldn’t drip it everywhere as he took a bite. “Mmmmm.... mmmmm!!!” “Y/N! he likes it!! He likes it!!!” “Oh I’ll say!” You gave Connor a wink “Okay, how?!” “You perfect French Toast and then you decide what works best...” you swept your hand to the table “And get yourself a bunch of taste testers, for whom you cater to every whim.” You turned to him; “And a boyfriend who should never have told me his favourite chocolate.” Extremely bitter and dark and only on occasion. At least you knew no one else around the table was about to touch it. “What, gonna use it against me now?” “No!!” You rebuked that teasing comment, and he chuckled, pulling him to you again for another kiss.

There were footsteps from the other end of the living room and suddenly screams of: “DAD! DAD!! They’re flirting!!!” “DAAAD!! They’re kissing!!!” Your father chuckled “I can see that.” “Oh my god-!” But neither you nor Andrew let each other go; “Everyone is treating me like a teenager!” Your father smacked Andrew on the back; “No. It’s just good to see you with a sensible man for once!!” That only made Andrew laugh a little harder and he turned his attention back to you; “Bad experiences?” “You are not hearing about my ex boyfriends.” “Oh Andrew, we’ll be here until Christmas!” “What-!? DAD!!” That had the kids laughing too, even though they were all far too young to know anything about your teenage love affairs. “Well, I know about the Fiancé...” Andrew mused, looking back to you with those intelligent blue eyes. “Yes, and?” Your dad huffed at that; “You’re much better for her, don’t you worry about him.” “Oh my god!” You buried your face in your hands, as everyone once again laughed “You were gonna let me marry him!!” Your father gave a shrug “I was hoping you might come to your senses...” He nodded to Andrew with a smile; “I’m glad to see you did.” Andrew gave a sweet smile and all but let you go, turning back to his breakfast “Well, uh, thank you, Sir...”

Your dad gave a wise nod; “Now the question here, Andrew, is do you want a real drink? Not that Y/N making breakfast isn’t a blessing. You doing that for your parents too?!” “If you’ll sit down for five minutes and let me!” Your dad waved away your protests, Andrew swivelled back to you; “I’ll have whatever she’s drinking...” “Oh, this old thing...” your father absentmindedly waved his hands to the coffee machine.  “…Uh Sure…” But you were staring at Andrew with your mouth slightly open at the cheekiness of what he’d just said. He wanted the coffee you were drinking because he’d tasted it on your lips. That was a vailed you taste good if ever there was one. And the look on his face was daring you to out that you knew what he was saying. You held your tongue. But pushed him gently. “Y/N, I don’t know how to make it.” “Dad... sit... sit... I got this!!” He only did what you asked because you pretty much pushed him there. But that only made Andrew stand; “I’ll help.” “Babe, no, you... don’t worry about it.” “No, no, I want to help...” Suddenly your mom appeared, as if on cue for the situation. And it was clear she’d heard the whole thing; holding the youngest member of your family - at barely 5 months old - in her arms. Annie. “You see Y/N, he’s domesticated too.” She gave Andrew a wink that almost made you throw hands, this weekend you couldn’t win. And Andrew Cody has your family in the palm of his hand; “Definitely a keeper!”

*** “Y/N...” your mom touched your arm lightly as you sat on the couch paying close attention to your very youngest siblings play with Annie. Best they were careful with her; but you knew your parents were raising them right. Your parents had raised so many foster kids. Your very eldest sibling had been in your life since you were four, and he was your parents first.  Then it just snowballed from there. And there were so many of them now. A few of them had grown up here, like these kids would. Some had been welcomed as teens and left as soon as they could but they always came back. They were always part of the family. “...Hmm?” You turned to her, “Do you know where Andrew went?” You looked around. Had he even said something about leaving? Maybe... but he wouldn’t have made a big fuss about it; and you hadn’t even noticed he was gone. You frowned “No. But he might be a little overwhelmed, and be a little sick of being a climbing frame.” “Oh! He should have said something!!” “Naw...” you stood “Andrew has his own ways of saying things. They never seem to involve many words... in this case I think he’s just being polite!” You smiled “I’ll go see if he’s okay.” “Do you know where he went?” “...I know every quiet place around here. He’ll be there.” “He doesn’t have to come back, you will let him know that won’t you... I just...” She waved her arms frantically for a moment at the thought of you dragging him back to somewhere he perhaps didn’t want to be right now on her request. You took her hands in yours “Were worried... I know mom it’s okay...” you gave a smile “I appreciate it... that you’re concerned!” You embraced her “Thank you, for thinking about him...” She smiled, with a graceful shake of her head; “He’s family now... I hope he know that too...” You knew the effect of her sentence on your smile; “...If he doesn’t... he soon will...” * When you found him Andrew was standing alone in your bedroom, curtains pulled all except for a tiny crack, from which he surveyed your parents back garden and the surrounding houses. You closed your bedroom door quietly. But Andrew was all too aware of everything, so you knew that even if you’d have slammed it he wouldn’t have flinched. “Are you okay?” He kept his eyes on that bar of light; “I just needed some quiet.” “I know...” you approached him slowly, “I thought so... I’m sorry... I mean I knew they’d want to see you ... but I didn’t realise they’d practically adopt you...” “It’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry, they’re kids...” you shook his head, and he turned those pretty eyes on you. They could be pretty a lot of things; pretty mysterious, pretty vacant, pretty wild, pretty sorrowful, pretty dangerous... for now they were just pretty. You crossed to him slowly, and sat on the edge of your bed “But are you okay?” “Yeah...” he nodded, voice quiet “It’s a little bit of a lot but, I’m good.” “You... around kids much?” Andrew gave a shrug of indifference to your question; “Baz’s... and my sister... she... has one... J...oshua?” He scrunched his face trying to remember. “God... I can’t have seen him since he was a baby, though.” “I didn’t know Julia had a kid...!” “Mmm! See, now you know something new.”

He sat with you, but it didn’t last long, before he sunk into your lap and rested his head there. “I just need... time for my thoughts to...” You nodded, running your fingers through his thick dark hair soothingly “I know, baby, it’s okay...” Andrew sighed, and for a moment closed his eyes; “I should really thank you...” he tracked the backs of his fingers over your knees and down your calf; he was mimicking you soothing him, but reciprocating calming you himself; “For introducing me to them.” You laughed; “Why do you say that?” “Because this is what real family is like.” Your breath caught at that smile; so pure and genuine it almost wasn’t real. Not from Andrew. “...You see me? With all of the flaws I have, and you... you still... you love that.” You raised an eyebrow, unsure you liked that sentence coming off his lips; “...Flaws? No... Andrew... no... they are a part of you... they aren’t flaws... nuances... they make you you...” “Flaws... you know what I do.” “And I told you, as long as you’re safe I don’t care...” He took a breath, gentle... unsure but decisive. His eyes clouded; maybe misty - you didn’t dare think or hope he was going to cry over this one... “I’m yours...” You tipped your head and let him lace your fingers with his; “...Not possessively...” but you smiled “...but I like that you are mine.” God knows what would become of him if not.

He closed his eyes for a minute and there was silence and a calm to his steady breathing. “Andrew...” “Hmm?” “Would you like me to go? I can leave you in peace if you want...?” “No...” he shook his head, his voice hardly above a whisper “stay... please stay...”

 *

There was a quick, few second siren blip from outside and everyone in the house collectively froze for two seconds. You instantly turned to your mother and grabbed her arm, hissing “David is coming-?!” “Yes, he wouldn’t want to miss this...” “From work??!” “Yes what’s wrong with that?” F**k! You did not want your obvious and maybe known criminal boyfriend to square up to in uniform officer, oldest foster brother; David. And David would lay into him no matter what, because that’s what David did. You didn’t want to tell Andrew about him before, mostly because you didn’t anticipate it would ever be a problem or he’d wanna come. D was grown up and moved out, and the only one close in age to you - months separated the two of you and you’d grown up together. But you hadn’t quite got to the ‘oh yeah, but the way Mr.Cody! My brothers a police officer!’ Part of your life yet and he was about to damn well walk in here!!! You took a deep breath - so did you quickly have it out with Andrew, or do you try to force David to take a detour to change clothes first? Either way - your Cody wasn’t going to let this go with a simple explanation.

You decided that getting to your brother first was the only option you had. Before anyone else got there; including Andrew. You’d just have to pull him aside later and apologise - the kids were meant to be a nice surprise. And he’d given traction enough to let you know that it was. But David... that was something else entirely. You cut the line and sprinted to the door.

“Hey crew! I’m home!” He had barely turned around and shut the door and you were there. “Holy sh*t!! Y/N!!” He grabbed you into a hug “No one said you were turning up!!! And in uniform??” “Well, I had to surprise you, didnt I...?” he watched you study it closely “You changed rank?” “I see you read my email...” You shook your head “c’mon David, no one reads email anymore...” “Uh, have you seen the people I work with??!” He looked up to the strangely empty corridor “So, where’s the boyfriend. You know I’m really hear for that, I got sick of your face years ago...” he smirked at you; “Am I still the tallest?” You gave him a look, he was 6ft7. Being the tallest was hardly difficult. But it did make his ‘people person’ face kinda intimidating. “How you been?” “Good - and yourself?” “Can’t complain can ya... crime rate is steady...” “Are we gonna get lectured all night?” “If I think ya man needs it - does he?!” You hoped your face was as stoic as you thought it was.

There was sudden yelling as your parents had clearly let the clan loose, and you took a step back as they ran at him. “Davyyyy—!!!” “Oh geez—! You guys got heavy!” He pretended that it took effort for him to lift three of them at once. “David -!!! Take us for a ride in the car!” “Uh no! It’s dinner time! Didn’t mom and dad teach you a thing?!” He put them all down “And if they didn’t I will, I’ve been working all day and I’m starving...” so your parents filed out next; “Hey mom! Dad! Thanks for having me on short notice!!” “No problem!” You shook your head; “Are you kidding??!” “It’s meant to be a surprise for you, hush!” He shoved the top of your arm, turning back to your parents “Should I get changed? I feel like I should get changed?” You saw right through that; “Though you also want the power play of sitting in your uniform all night.” He scoffed at you, folding his arms “Damn right.”

Whilst all this was going on, Andrew appeared slowly in the door way. “Alright kids, to the table, go on...” David attempted to heard them all towards the living room, and your parents ushered them along too. There was a tense moment of them both staring each other down. And you knew why; that uniform was fatal. You hoped you were too far out of the city for your brother to have any idea who the Cody’s were, but who knew... David turned to you with another slight smirk “I’m still the tallest.” He strode over to Andrew in a way that clearly put Andrew’s back up. Andrew didn’t like that - that he didn’t make the move. “You must be Andrew, I’m David. Both the oldest foster child and the experimental one. Y/N has never liked me very much, so you may be inclined to feel the same. Personally, I’d quite like to get to know ya.” Andrew’s eyes flicked past him to you, and your clearly unimpressed face. It was only a flicker, not one David noticed - and Andrew extended his hand; “Andrew Cody.” “Nice to meet you Andrew.” “Yeah...” it was a cool Yeah. A don’t mess with me yeah... and you gritted your teeth. This situation had become less than ideal. David turned to you and gave you the look you were expecting from him; talkative!, then he pointed to the stairs “I’ll get changed.” “Good call-!” His look continued until he had to swing around the bannister and face Andrew again, by which time you had your head in your hands. God give me strength to survive tonight...!

“So... he’s a police officer?” Andrew’s approach was steady, just like the way he eyed the stairs. “Uh huh...” you removed your hands from your face “I swear to you I had no idea he was coming here, if there’s one person I didn’t want you to meet...” “How old is he?” “Couple of months younger than me.. we literally grew up together...” you decided to broach the subject before he did; “You think he knows?” Andrew gained a smile you didn’t like, “If he knew who I was, I’d have been against that door in 5 seconds flat. I think I’m okay.” “Be careful.” He turned his eyes on you and his brow quirked; “Oh no. I’m gonna tell him about the next 5 jobs we plan to pull.”

You were still quietly talking to Andrew when David descended the stairs, and he cleared his throat; “Y/N! This is a family dinner, c’mon!” He moved through into the next room “oh god-! You’re not even all sat down?!” “We await the guest of honour!” “Oh right,” he took a step back and pointed to Andrew; “that means you, by the way.” You noticed that David sat himself opposite Andrew, even though every child your parents had wanted to sit somewhere in his proximity. Your look to him was a clear warning; don’t you dare! David knew everything, even though he wasn’t a blood relative, you wrapped all your secrets up in him, all the ones that (at the time) felt like he was the only one you could trust to tell. And even though he was younger than you, you always treated him like a bigger brother, and he always protected you like one. Only problem was now, as a brother and a police officer - the kind of man he was supposed to be protecting you from was sitting opposite him, and holding hands with you. “So Andrew.” you noticed the way that David narrowed his eyes, testing. “You ever seen a family quite like this...” Andrews eyes flicked around your foster brothers face. And you knew what this evening was going to be. One long damn stand-off. They were both good at reading people. It would be a battle of who could read who better.

“I mean, not to this scale...” Andrews answer was measured “I don’t have foster siblings, but I have a pretty large close-knit family myself. 3 siblings, and one who might as well be...” he gave a shrug “I mean, I’m used to this. But, maybe on a small scale. And they’re all grown up now. I haven’t experienced younger siblings for a while. It’s refreshing...” You knew every real feeling behind every measured word. “Huh! I didn’t know you had siblings!” Andrew nodded; “Brothers... Craig, Deran... One sister, Julia… Baz isn’t but he...” He made a motion to allude to what he’d just said. “Wow...” David nodded “And what do you do?” This was the question you always skipped around when your parents asked; oh you know, a bit of everything... You weren’t sure you knew the answer yourself. Not one you liked. Or they would like either. Andrew made sure to lean his arms so that his elbows weren’t on the table.  “Real estate.” David straightened, intrigued, and even your parents looked at each other. Andrew was only too happy to smile and elaborate; “My mom owns a bunch of properties, each of us takes care of things like collecting and running rent checks, regular maintenance, accounts... things like that.” “So really a bit of everything!” You mother sounded pleased, and you nodded. Exactly what you’d said! “How much do you make doing that?” David wasn’t about to beat around the bush, and was content to act like he was your father, not your brother apparently. “D!” “David!” You and your father had the same idea, and you were already glaring daggers at him. Your significant other held his hands out to calm the table; “No... it’s okay... it doesn’t pay too bad. I make enough...” he gave a slight smirk, “you might have to arrest me to get any figures out of me.” David gave a sudden smile, like Andrew was finally talking his language “Ah! You noticed the uniform. Good. And don’t forget it’s the first thing I’m gonna do when you break her heart, Andrew Cody.” You let your expression tell him to impolitely shut up.

But your evening continued as such, with David attempting to field any question that would trip Andrew up. And Andrew expertly jumping through every hoop, and daring David to throw something that was at least a challenge for him. Bad cop. But Andrew was also fielding questions from your younger siblings. Who were back to asking him mundane questions they hadn’t thought of in the morning. ...What is your favourite colour?! He mused on that like it was hard, at least harder than anything David could ask; “...Blue. Definitely blue.” You guessed you agreed; “You do wear a lot of blue.” Good cop.

 **

 As the evening wore on, and the table was cleared you found yourself standing with David in the kitchen clearing away. “What the heck is his problem?!” You turned to him “YOU have got to be kidding saying that!!? What is YOUR problem!” He passed close to you to stack plates away; “Look at the way he looks at me. It’s unnerving. And I’m a police officer. Normal people don’t give looks like that.” “Normal people don’t tell their sister’s boyfriends they’ll arrest them.” He risked a look over his shoulder. He was right though; Andrew was eyeing you both with an expression that you found unreadable. David lowered his voice “Y/N... Killers give me less chills than he does... are you sure you’re okay?!” You smacked his arm; “If you were a little f- freakin’-” only because there were kids around did you dare turn that PG “-nicer!!!” “Isn’t that my job?” “No!! Not really! I’m not a teenager anymore David. And in case you didn’t realise, neither is he.” “Yeah. I know. How old is he anyway?” “Don’t you dare!” Your look was nothing less than fierce and it caused him to at least back up a few paces. He didn’t often lay off his pushes; but this was one of those rare times David knew what was best for him. “I’m trying to look out for you.” “Will you please let me look after myself..?” He turned to lean against the counter with you. Now you were both staring at Andrew, he chose instead to let his eyes wander back to your other siblings; “...Just tell me he does too.” “What?” “Looks after you.” “Of course he does...” You nudged David “What kinda question is that?” He gave a sincere smile and turned to you; “He looks like he does.”

 *** David started clock watching at about nine, and by ten he decided he should take his leave. “You won’t stay?” “Aw no. I’ll be back at the station tomorrow.” “But you can stay here!” “No, ma! It’s okay... It’s a trek back, and I don’t wanna disturb everyone getting up either.” He hugged your parent’s goodbye and then your siblings one by one before he got to you; “Well, until the next time you decide to visit from the big city, Sis-!” You gave a shrug; “I’ll have to really surprise you next time.” “Uh huh!” He embraced you, then held out his hand for Andrew; “Andrew, a pleasure to finally meet you. Take care of her for me, will ya? And... maybe I’ll see you around next time she’s here too, huh?” “Yeah...” Though it wasn’t obvious to which question he was responding, Andrew shook it - steady and firm “Sure thing.”

You waited for your parents to say goodbye to him at the door before deciding that something was niggling at you, and you couldn’t leave it like that. You got up as they came back into the living room, tugging Andrews hand. “What?” “C’mon!” “What’s up?!” “C’mon!!” He raised an eyebrow but allowed you to pull him up and outside, to where David was just turning the ignition on his patrol car. “Oh shit! Am I getting a real send off?!” He got out of his car with a laugh, but upon the look on your face his own fell. “Or... not...” You folded your arms and looked between them; “Listen up you two. I will not have my best friend in the entire world - and brother - and my other half...” you looked between them, David of course getting the worst of it “... Who you know is damn well better than 99% of people I’ve dated in the past.” “Yeah well, we all know is never have given that guy my blessing.” “Don’t change the subject-!” But you smacked David’s arm for good measure; “-And you introduced me!!!” “Shit! Did I-!? Bad mistake...” This time you punched him hard enough for him to at least rub his arm; “...I just don’t want you two at odds...it makes me feel...” you didn’t have the word; “... I just don’t want to feel like I should take sides...”

There was a silence, where you thought they were taking a measure of what you were saying, where they would nod wisely, tell you you were right and make up. No, instead both of them cracked up in unison. You looked between them, now more confused than ever; “What-!?! What now??!!” “Oh God! Andrew!! Do you know what you’re dating?!?” David mimed wiping tears from his eyes “God bless ya, Y/N!” “What!!??!!” Your voice pitched in considerable confusion. Andrew shook his head, quelling his own laugher, so as not to be caught laughing at you for too long. “David gets it, he might not be older but he is the oldest brother. There’s a certain code between brothers and siblings and anyone new to the family - right?” David nodded “Right. Unwritten. But men would get it. Played your part to a T, Andrew.” “Ah.” He gave a shrug “Not so bad yourself.” You were still perplexed, and didn’t exactly find whatever this was funny either; “So... you two are okay?!” “Y/N... sweetie, yeah it’s fine... You would have to be more worried if I didn’t ask the hard questions... Andrew, buddy, you’re certainly worth them.” “Uh, thanks?” You weren’t sure Andrew was too enthused with being referred to as buddy though. “So you’re okay, and I don’t need to worry?” David gave a grin; “No... it’s gonna be fine... Now come here and hug me goodbye...!” You did so, but punched the palm of his hand; “You owe me.” “I know, next time you’re here...” “Oh, you can count on me winding up your date-!” “Ha!” He scoffed “Me!? Date-!? When the hell do I get the time.” “Sure, it’s the time and not your attitude.” “Oh, f**k off!!” Though he said it with slight adoration, he gave another wave back to Andrew, and then slid back into his car. Rolling off the driveway he wound down his window. “Oh! Y/N! The sky looks really good tonight! How about you take Andrew ‘round the block!” That had you both looking up. David was right, it was awash with stars; “I will... thanks D... safe travels!” “And you, back to the city!” You thanked him and both waved him off; “Round the block?” You shook your head and took Andrew’s hand in yours; “When we were kids, that simply meant the back garden...come on... come see this...”

 ***

You pulled him all the way down to the very far end of your parents’ back garden, there was a small array of benches and swings. And you knew exactly where you were sitting. “It gonna take my weight too?” Andrew looked to the tree uncertainly. “It can take the weight of 8 kids at once. I’m sure it can hold you.” He laughed, sitting with you, letting you re-lace your hand with his. “He wasn’t wrong about the sky...” Andrew breathed, and you watched how fixated he became with the stars “...Why do we never see these back home?” “We probably do...” you have a shrug “city lights...?” “Makes sense...” He mused, still staring at them. You were supposed to be joining him in that, but you didn’t. Because you discovered there was something more fascinating unfolding in front of you here on Earth. How peaceful he looked for once. How out of his head... how Andrew was finding more freedom out there in space than he’d ever had before.  Eventually his eyes fell back to yours and he realised what you were doing. “I guess... I’ve never really given them much thought.”

You raised your eyes to the sky for possibly the first time “...It’s all so far away and out of our control... everything for you is so much closer to home and in the moment...” you gave a shrug “...It has to be... but I’m glad something about being here can help you look further than that...” you smiled and looks back to him, now looking at you with similar wonder; “...Still, home... no matter where, is a good place to be.” He tipped his head. And his hold of your hand became tighter “Is that what you see... when you look at me?” You opened your mouth, you wanted to voice your question, but you weren’t sure what that would be. It didn’t matter; Andrew voiced it for you, with his eyes flicking momentarily to the house in which sat your family. But drew themselves back to you.  “Home?” *** “Y/N!” It was the morning of day two, and you were standing in the kitchen with Andrew and coffee, head resting on his shoulder, watching the kids in the garden. You thought he might prefer it quiet inside for a moment. “Mmm?” You turned to the sound of your dad’s voice. “...Would you mind taking Annie out this morning?... Oh and uh, you might wanna take Andrew, give him some respite!” Even though he’d told everyone at dinner that he had siblings, your parents could tell that this was a little too much on him. And that sometimes he disappeared; he needed some quiet, they got that too. “Yeah! Can do!” “Thanks sweetheart! Morning Andrew!” “Morning!” - Even his voice was tired and quiet today. And you knew your dad was right. Still you let Andrew finish his coffee before you thought about stepping outside.

“He makes her sound like a dog...” You were sure he was muttering to himself as he kicked the heels of his shoes into place. “She has breathing problems, hence needing fresh air, and she stresses easily - hence needing two responsible adults and no kids!” His laugh was sarcastic “Ha-! Responsible adults-!” “I dunno. I’d say you were responsible...” You nudged him, checking and rechecking the bag you needed, all set, he opened the front door for you and you were out in the street with a stroller before you knew it.

You watched the way he walked carefully, hands in his pockets, just a little in front but with you still in his peripheral vision; back straight, tense shoulders, a little too close to her. That’s instinct if ever there was... Too used to taking care of younger siblings? He was the oldest. It made sense. And it also made you smile. It was nice to meander around the neighbourhood for a little while, it was almost silent, save for nature and the occasional car.   Eventually he slowed his pace up, and walked next to you. He’s comfortable... There’s no danger... Then you found yourself smirking and he caught that; “What?” “Nothing.” “Look if I know one thing about faces... but your face in particular, it’s never nothing. Not with a smile like that-!” “Just you.” “God. What did I do?!” You nodded to Annie; “I saw what you were doing.” His eyes didn’t leave your face for a good while, even though he didn’t respond; and it got to the point of unnerving you. He was calculating what you were calculating, and couldn’t possibly have come to a different conclusion. “You think it just her I’m protecting?” You glanced across to him. “I know you Andrew Cody; you kept me in your eyeline too...” you shook your head “Maybe you’re beyond a mystery, but there’s always a few things I know for sure...” There was a huffed laugh as he looked away from you for a minute, which just made you smile more. Andrew would deny it of course. Act like you couldn’t possibly know him. But you did, and you felt he was only denying it because he knew it was fact.

When you hit the park you slowed down, and he (as in-tune as he was) slipped his hand from his pocket and into yours. “Well. This is strange, isn’t it?” He failed to see that “why?” You giggled; “Well! If we see someone I don’t know they’re going to be jumping to conclusions!” That apparently only made him hold your hand tighter “Why do they have to be the wrong conclusions?” “That’s not what I said!” “No, but, that’s what you implied.” You tipped your head to him for a minute. The was no reason for people not to think she was yours, is where you were heading - but Andrew, as full of surprises as he was, apparently wouldn’t even care. You weren’t sure if he struck you as a kids type or not. But if you’d ever thought otherwise this weekend might just be proving you completely wrong.

Eventually you decided that his respite was well earned and you gave him a bit more by sitting him on a bench. “See” he nodded to Annie “I like her, she’s quiet!” That made you laugh; “Oh! So the rest of my siblings are just awful then!?” “God, especially David - he’s the worst!” You laughed harder “I can see that - guess I always felt the same way.” Andrew chuckled “No. I... I really like your family... I guess this is what normal family is like...” he bit his lip “We never really had that...” You gave a shrug; “Is family ever really normal?” “More normal than mine...” He gave a sigh of discontent “Y/N... I just... I don’t know if I can give you that...” Your eyes widened as you turned to him, this had suddenly turned very serious very quickly. “Andrew I-” “I mean do you ever see that kind of future...?” The longer you hesitated, the more unhappy in his own thoughts he would become; “...I see a future...” You turned those gorgeous eyes back on you and he took your hands; “If you see that I will give you everything... I just can’t guarantee what that everything will be...” You pushed your forehead to his, and whispered; “Then don’t guarantee me anything... -Andrew.... right now, I just want you... and that’s more than enough...” --- Happy Birthday Amanda! I hope you enjoyed your Andrew 💜💙 You deserve him 💕 @dennismitchell @happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad.

[deejadabbles]

Playing Dirty (Yugi x Reader Lemon)

Summary: Yugi needs a distraction from all the work he’s been putting into his latest game, and you’re all too happy to provide.

A.N: Just shameless, dirty, reader insert fun with your favorite sweet boy who’s not so innocent when things get steamy ;) There’s a bit of minor bondage, just so you’re aware before reading. Said bit was actually inspired by @youxygo ‘s headcanon for Yugi (go read them, they’re Yugi down to a T, in my opinion, *o*). Anywho, enjoy~

.

Your attention was snapped away from your computer screen by a sudden yell of pure frustration. Looking to the other side of the living room you saw your poor boyfriend slumped in his chair, face planted on the table among his various notes and game tokens. A gentle smile crossed your lips as you rose from your chair and made for him. It was quite satisfying to feel his muscles relax under your touch as you ran your hands up and down his back.

“Still having trouble with that set back you told me about this morning?”

His face still buried in his arms Yugi nodded his head, letting out a long sigh “Yeah, I just can’t figure the best way to add other skill aspects to this one. With the dice and cards I have plenty of luck aspects, but I want the players to be able to add strategy as well as other skills…”

Finally, he sat up, leaning heavily on the back of the chair, though it let you wrap your arms around him and nuzzle his neck. “You’ll figure it out, maybe I can help you tomorrow, but how about you put it away for tonight. If you keep throwing yourself against the wall with no break you’ll just get more frustrated.”

He replied with a lazy, uncomital hum, though he seemed content to simply lean into you at the moment. Wanting to give him something else to focus on you cast your gaze around the room and landed your attention on a video game case laying atop an open package and other mail.

“Say, you haven't had a chance to pop in that promo copy of that puzzle game, have you?”

“Hm, not yet. I wrote an email to the developers to say thank you, and that I'd try it” he chuckled a little “they were super happy that I showed interest. I hope I can give them a good review as king of games, it'll help out their indie company a lot.”

“Then how about we pop it in? You need to take your mind off your own game and maybe you'll even find some inspiration while playing it!” when he didn't answer right away you took the matter to the next level. Pulling away from him -and smirking when he gave a pout and groan at the loss of your embrace- you made your way to the kitchen. “Set it up, Yugi, I'll make us some popcorn.”

The nudge worked and he finally put his project away for the night, put the game in and settling on the couch. You joined him after getting the promised snack and drinks, snuggling against him as he began his journey on this new indie game that claimed to be a perfect mix of RPG and puzzle game.

A good ten minutes in Yugi’s character came across a side mission with one of the promised puzzles. Apparently you had to look at symbols etched into the wall and find your clues there. Then you had to go around the room and not only break/open chests in a specific order, but also get them open in a specific way or the challenge would start over. You were glad to see Yugi having fun with it, that challenged, intelligent gleam in his eyes that had been hard pressed to find since the pharaoh left.

After the first time he got something wrong and the puzzle reset, he gave a thoughtful hum, then turned to you. “Wanna help me? I don't want you to get too bored just watching.”

You smiled and nodded, happily shifting to sit in his lap when he motioned for you to. He wrapped his arms around you, holding the controller in front of your bodies as he settled his chin in the crook of your neck. You aren't sure where the suddenly mischievous mood came from, though you assumed the light kiss he placed on your shoulder and his hot breath tickling your ear were contributing factors as an idea came to mind.

“Hey, sweetheart?” you turned a little within his grasp so you could whisper into his ear.

“Hm?”

“What do you say we play our own game within the game?” it was likely he already suspected where your mind was as you started kissing and nibbling below his ear.

“Oh?” his breath was already a little heavy “what kind of game?”

“We take turns guessing what chest to go to next if we're right we get to take off a piece of our opponent's clothes, if we're wrong, we have to take off a piece of our own clothes.”

He chuckled deep in his throat and reached up tilting your face so he could plant a long firm kiss on your lips. “I think I like that idea. Can I go first?” his tone was almost innocent, but held a lacing of mischievous mirth.

“Of course, you are the King of Games after all.”

He had already caught up to the point he last went wrong at, and had apparently learned from his previous mistake, because the next chest he smashed open was correct. He wasted no time, setting the controller on your lap and moving to slowly start unbuttoning your blouse. Yugi did all he could to make it seductive, running his fingertips up your chest before he reached the first button, taking a moment to gently knead your breasts after unbuttoning the third. He even placed an opened mouthed kiss on the now exposed flesh of your shoulder as he slid your top off.

He pressed his lips to your ear, whispering “Your move.”

Damn he knew just how to heat you up. You grabbed the controller and took a moment to think over your choice, when you picked the lock of a red chest instead of smashing it open you claimed your first victory. You turned in his arms and straddled him, opting to curl your fingers in his hair while you rubbed your hand under his shirt with the free hand. Yugi closed his eyes at the sensation, swiping his tongue over his lips when you gently ran your nails down his chest. You had to pull him forward by his shirt so you could lift it off over his head, but he just basked in the almost rough motion, planting another kiss on you before taking his turn.

When he guessed right again he skipped over your bra and went straight for your pants. You were still straddling him but you lifted up so he could at least get them down to your knees. You helped with pulling them off the rest of the way, and Yugi took advantage of your distraction by cupping his hand between your legs. It was still covered by your underwear but you couldn't help but moan as he massaged your clit with his palm and your entrance with his fingers.

“I-I still have to take my next turn,” you breathed, having to grip the couch as he teased you.

Yugi chuckled, then pulled you against his chest again, your side against his front and your ass on his lap. “I know, I was just warming you up.”

You gave your mind a moment to clear before reclaiming the controller and looking for your next target. It took a moment, in which Yugi never stopped with his butterfly kisses along your jaw, neck, and shoulders, but eventually you decided on another chest- and you were right yet again. Time to repay Yugi for his ‘warm up’.

Making sure to give him a long look with your best bedroom eyes, you actually slid down to the floor, onto your knees and started unbuckling his pants. After being free of the tight jeans, the full extent of his excitement was revealed to you. God, he was so hard already, but you hadn’t even begun your fun yet. Relishing the soft moan he let out, you began rubbing the insides of his legs starting at the knees. Hiking up his boxers as you traveled closer to his manhood, you looked up at him with almost innocent eyes.

“Aren’t you going to make your move?”

He was too much a mess to reply verbally, apparently, because he just looked back to the screen and started making his next guess, blush bright and breathing heavy. You didn’t stop, you massaged his thighs in tantalizing circles, dipping your fingers under his boxers to rub so damn close to the base of his cock that he shuttered and gasped.

The music in the game plateaued, signaling that Yugi had made his next guess, and was wrong. “Oh, I guess I win again” you teased as his gaze snapped down to you.

“I couldn't concentrate, doing all that was cheating and you know it.”

You shrugged as you hooked your fingers in the band of his boxers, looking him straight in the eyes with a smirk as you said, “What can I say, when you’re the prize, Yugi, I’ll always play dirty.”

He let out something just short of a whimper at the proclamation, but what you didn’t expect, was for him to practically pounce on you the moment his underwear was around his ankles. One moment you were taking in the sight of his fully erect member, the next you were on your back, his body pinning you to the carpet as he pressed his lips to yours.

His full length pressed against you, so hard and ready as his tongue claimed yours. You felt his hands running along your legs and sides with loving care, wanting to touch every inch he possibly could. Eventually, he started pulling down your panties, neither of you caring who's turn or win it was, just needing each other. Slipping his fingers between your folds he started playing with you, giving nice, firm strokes and breaking the kiss to look at your face when you moaned.

“T-tell me you want me” Yugi's tone was low, somewhere between plea and command.

Making sure to hold his gaze, you complied “I want you, Yugi” you clasped your arms behind his neck, drawing him closer “I need you, Yugi, I need your hands on my body, your lips on mine, and your cock inside me.”

A desperate sound escaped his lips as he pulled his hands from their pleasurable positions and grabbed your wrists. He sat up, pulling you with him as he leaned his back against the front of the couch and seated you perfectly in his lap.

Yugi kept his eyes on you as he rolled his hips, the firm member between your bodies rubbing its hard length against your clit and folds. “You are ready for me now?”

“Yes,” you whispered, “I'm all yours, Yugi.”

With that he wrapped an arm around your waist and lifted you up, pulling you closer so your chest was pressed against his, before sliding you onto his member nice and slow. Yugi smiled when you let out a long moan and buried his face in the crook of your neck, planting loving kisses there as he started the rhythm of his hip with that same slow seduction.

He loved the way your body responded to him, it was addicting to feel you move in sync with him, your hips meeting his thrusts blow for blow. He’d never tire of hearing you gasp and cry out in pleasure from work his mouth did on your skin. Speaking of, he had yet to hear a particularly delicious whimper he loved to elicit from you, he’d have to step it up. He gave a suddenly rough thrust just as he bit down on the flesh of your sweet spot. His reward was that intoxicating, helpless cry of bliss rising from your throat as you closed your eyes. That’s right, helpless. You were helpless under his touch, and just the thought of that got him so high he had to actively rein himself in, lest he finish before getting you off.

After such a desperate whimper Yugi’s rougher thrusts continued. Your hands gripped the couch as you picked up your own pace, bouncing up and down so hard the sound of slapping skin almost drowned out the music still playing from the forgotten game. Then, as though not satisfied with your matching pace, Yugi grabbed your ass and started grinding you against his thrusts harder.

“OH!” you gasped in shock as Yugi finally relinquished your neck to look at your face again. “Ah- Y-yugi, just like that, don’t stop!”

The layer of grinding was doing wonders to stimulate your clit, the nerves rubbing amazingly against his hard pelvis. Another desperate moan was lost as Yugi captured your lips with his, the kiss being a gentle contrast to the movement of his hips.

His breathing was harsh and ragged but he didn’t pull away from your mouth fully even as he whispered “I- I thought you’d like this” a squeeze to your ass as he pushed and pulled your hips “say that a-again” a low moan of his own escapes his lips “tell me not to stop!”

You took the risk of moving your hands from their supportive position and cupped his face, laying a languid kiss on him before whispering “Don’t s-stop! Yugi, please don’t stop, I’m ah-almost there!”

One hand still grinding you against him, Yugi used the other to reach up and tangle fingers in your hair. The grip was firm but gentle, just enough pressure to add yet another wonderful sensation as he held you perfectly in place to keep his eyes on yours. Desperate to give him something in return you trailed your nails lightly down his neck and chest, climbed them back up to rest at his nipples so you could play with them.

His moans pitched to more of a hiss at the act, and he had to close his eyes at the sensation. When your own pleasure cries changed to that telling volume his eyes snapped back open, boring into yours with an intensity that said ‘yes, that’s it, come for me, come with me- now!’

“Just a little more, I’ll be right behind you!”

Senses alight with ecstasy, your desperate thrusts became sloppy as your pleasure tightened in that ultimate high and you screamed his name as you came. You were amazingly aware when Yugi released inside you, the extra sensitivity making his cum just another welcomed sensation to ride your high out on.

His chest was heaving but you still rested your head in the crook of his neck and in turn he buried his face in your hair. As Yugi caught his breath his hands trailed up from your backside to rub loving, gentle circles across your back, pulling you more secure against his chest. You answered the sweet affection by planting slow, lazy pecks on his neck and jawline, earning a content hum. Soon enough he pulled out of you and you moved from your straddling pose, legs aching just a bit.

“How about we hop in the shower?” Yugi asked, running his finger through your messy hair.

“Hm, that sounds nice.”

With no further encouragement needed, Yugi stood, pulling you with him. He took it upon himself to set the temperature of the water nice and hot the moment you stepped into the bathroom. The shower head turned on, hitting your naked form with soothing heat that made you close your eyes with a hum of delight. Hands slid across your body and he hugged you from behind.

“Keep moaning like that and I’ll be ready for round two before we get you clean.”

Well, even if you hadn’t been ready for a second go before, his husky tone would have gotten you there. “Oh, I’m definitely okay with a round two, Yugi dear.”

He let out a little chuckle “Let me get warmed up again.”

Wanting to help with just that you turned in his arms and reached for his bottle of body wash. Squirting a generous amount onto your hands, you started lathering his chest and shoulders, working your way down his biceps and eventually, his stomach. He closed his eyes against the touch, biting his lip and humming in approval. When you traced your fingers back up his chest he tightened his hold on you, pushing you full against him as he kissed you.

He grabbed the bottle of wash from you and covered his own hands with the liquid. Lowering to his knees he started with your thighs, reaching up your back until eventually sliding his hands over the whole front of your body. Still on his knees he looked up at you, keeping eye contact as he rolled his tongue between your folds.

Knowing he liked it, you tangled your fingers in his hair, letting him see the way you licked your lips at his act. The water cascaded down his body wonderfully as he gave a few more swipes of his tongue and you answered with light tugs to his locks. Too soon he stood back up and pulled you in for a more forceful, desperate kiss, loving the noise you made at tasting yourself on his tongue. Oh, you could feel that he was already warmed up again.

“Hm, you smell like me now, I think I’m going to like that scent covering you tomorrow” he mumbled against your lips.

When he pulled back he took some time to just look at you, admire the way the droplets made their way down your lovely body. You were taking in the sight just as much, watching the water cling to his lips, neck, and chest as even more rained down every inch of his skin. God, what was it about water that could make one so hot and bothered?

After getting his fill of the sights, Yugi’s eyes drifted to something on one of the shower shelves and he quickly reached over to retrieve it. Ah, he must have left his choker there the last time he showered, because it was now hanging from his finger as he looked at you with a familiar suggestion playing in his eyes.

“Do you mind wearing it tonight?”

Always so considerate, even when he was in one of his dominant moods like tonight. You leaned in, stretching your neck in a submissive invitation “Anything for you, Yugi.”

The breath he drew in at the words had a quiver to it and he quickly wrapped the strap around your throat, buckling it secure with plenty of wiggle room. Room that he put to use without hesitation.

Hooking two of his fingers around the collar, he pulled you into a sloppy open-mouthed kiss. Then he was turning you around, using his free hand to cup your pussy after you braced your hands on the cool tile wall. In a quick, firm motion he was sheathed inside you again, letting out a low moan as he gave the smallest tug on the choker.

His pace was fast and hot, pressing his chest to your back so he could better hear your moans as he pounded you, never relinquishing his fingers from the collar. His other hand worked at your clit, circling, cupping or pressing with every thrust. You weren’t holding back on your cries of pleasure, but when he angled his next thrust just right you let out a borderline scream that echoed off the tile walls.

Then he was pressing his lips to your ear, hot breath puffing against your skin as he said, “Louder, I want to hear you louder.” He accentuated the demand by tightening his hold on the collar ever so slightly.

Oh, and he gave you a reason to be louder. Yugi pressed the whole of your body against the wall, pinning you so you had to take him, so that you were at his mercy as he took advantage of that perfect angle. You gave him what he wanted with no trouble, calling out so loud the sound rang against the bath tiles. But apparently, it wasn’t enough.

“Can’t quite hear you.” Yugi gave the leather a firm tug, causing a tightness around your neck to heighten your climb to release. “Scream my name again, I love hearing my name on your lips.”

You obliged, giving your loudest cry yet as you came again, taking satisfaction in the way he held you even tighter as he moaned from the sensation of your walls closing around him. He kept thrusting, though a bit slower as he was trying to savor the climb.

“Y-Yugi, let me get you off,” you managed between pants, feeling the need to give him a bit of extra attention in the moment.

“You-you mean?”

To answer you reached back, placing your hand between your bodies and giving a push. He understood and pulled out of you, quickly giving you enough space to get down on your knees.

Wrapping one hand around the base you took him into your mouth fully in one motion, dragging a long sound of ecstasy from him. He reclaimed his grip on the collar, this time tucking his fingers in front so he could set your pace. You used your free hand to play with his balls, giving them a nice rubdown as you bobbed your head along with his pulls and thrusts. It didn’t take long for him to cum in your mouth with a loud moan, the position of his tip when he did so causing his seed to spill out all over you.

Yugi was a mess, chest heaving, barely keeping upright as he braced himself against the wall with one hand, the other running gentle finger through your hair after he relinquished the collar. The water ran down his neck and back, giving you quite the sight as both of you came down from the highs.

Eventually, he was recovered enough to lean back, the hand that had been bracing him falling to cup your cheek and tilt your head to look at him. He looked you over with care, taking in the sight of you, loving the sight of you, knowing he’d never tire of looking at you.

Then Yugi ran his thumb over your lips, collecting some of his mess on the fingertip. Still, with that half-lidded look, water cascading down his chest, he put his thumb in front of your lips, a silent command to taste. You did, taking his whole thumb in your mouth and sucking, a mocking mirror of what you had just done to his manhood moments ago.

“Damn” he whispered, the sight making him wish desperately to be hard again so he could take you a third time, but he knew he was spent. So, he focused on another favorite part of making love: the aftercare.

He grabbed a washcloth from the side of the tub and turned the shower head off so the water came out gushing and hot from the bath spout. After wetting the cloth he joined you on the tub floor and pulled you into his arms. With care he started to clean you up, following every swipe of the cloth with a peck of his lips to the freshly cleaned spot, earning playful giggles from you each time.

When he was done cleaning you up and made sure no...mess clung to the floor of the bath, he put the stopper in the drain and let the water start to fill the tub. He leaned back, settling into a comfortable position with you in his arms.

You snuggled against him, giving a very content hum “You take such good care of me,” you said in a mumble.

Yugi chuckled, shifting his position a bit so he could better run the back of his fingers over still sensitive skin. “I feel like I should be the one saying that. You’re always making sure I don’t work too hard...and providing a welcomed distraction.”

“Oh? I’m a good distraction?”

He brushed his lips along your temple, planting lazy smooches, “The best. In fact, I think I have an idea on how to fix my problem now. I’ll let my brain work on it overnight, test it out in the morning.”

“Hm, you’re not going back to work tonight, right?” your tone was teasing, though showing obvious displeasure at the idea of Yugi not letting himself relax the rest of the night.

“Nope,” he chuckled, “I’m going to sit in this nice, hot bath with you for awhile, then you and I are going to go back to playing that puzzle game.”

“Sounds like a perfect night to me.” You leaned up then, pressed your lips to his. “And I promise not to play dirty this time.”

“But I love it when you play like that, and it probably wouldn’t take much to get me worked up to a round three.” He added a kiss of his own to reinforce the claim. “Still, I’m okay with snuggling on the couch the rest of the night.”

You hummed in agreement, “Me too.”

He loved the smile that graced your face, that content, but still glowing smile. You satisfied every side of him. Whether it was his curious mind, his need for hot, sweaty passion, or just his want for simpler affections. All that and so much more.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Your smile grew and you leaned your head against his. “I love you too, Yugi.”

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Let us be delusional

I was thinking about this post since last night. After reading the Anon question about us to be too delusional, I wanted to post about the fandom in another perspective... sort of. I wanted to start with a thread on Twitter about the first winner of X- Factor and his complaint againts the musical industry and the tv show.

I want to make a mention to a Tumblr user that talked to me about this before in another post that I made because I think this would be interesting for him. This issue is really important, folks. There are a bunch of stories with artists that lose everything because the manafuckers just love to do what they want. The songwriters have no freedom with their music, they can't enjoy their creations because the creative process is too controlled by them. And about this, I'm a bit worried now. Lolo is trying to make some noise with this subject and I'm afraid that her fighter side can cause some trouble in her career. We all know what they do when an artist fight against them. Remember, they have the money, the resources that an artist need to make the music and without them... they are gone. For that reason I'm worried for Lolo, but I'll support her no matter what. If you want to know about this, you should read the thread on Twitter and search more info. I think that a kind of war is starting and IDK how that could end. I just hope the artists and the music can win against the money. Nobody knows for real.

The second part of this post is about The X- Factor and the gay couples. I want to make a warning about this at the same time, this will be my personal opinion. It's possible that I can be wrong and I'll accept that. But it's a thought that I have running in my mind that I can't take off my head. The posibility that the pairing that we love most can be part of the ugly game since the beginning. That the MF besides of the creation of a musical band, at the same time they also manage to create gay/lesbian couple to make noise. For them, the talent is not enough and they need the drama to have more audience, I mean, it's a reality show of music. They need this. And I found a pattern about it, too. For what I know, we have three of this homosexual pairing of interest.

One Directions= Larry

Little Mix= Jerrie

Fifth Harmony= Camren

I’m love with Lolo in this Gif

I won't talk about Larry and Jerrie because I'm not a fan of them. I put them in the list as examples and you can see that they have something in common. The love expressions. If the MF wanted to create drama, these couples work perfectly fine for that goal. With these couples, we as fans can make the difference. We make noise because we love them and other people know them because that same motive. As I said before, I knew about 5F thanks to Camren. At least their music. I knew that 5H exist before than I knew the music but only the name of the band. Then, all I know besides the music was Camren. Do you see? The couple is the great hook to attrack more fans. And is a great resource to make drama and more money. An example of Drama Lolo denying Camren

Look the fetus Camren gif and tell me how Lolo can deny her loving gaze to Camz... how in the fucking world. We all know what happened when she denied something... it became true. (Oh and l remember to read somewhere about the fake accounts on social media (the accounts that the MF make to cause, surprise! more drama inside the fandom.Tthe account on the pic is one them for what I know. It’s has a name but I don’t remember it right now) Except… Nobody can deny what It's real. We are not blind. The MF can't create the feelings, the emotions. They can control their public images but can't do the same with their emotions. They can't control what they do inside their houses, behind a closed door. That's why they use the PRs. Again, as I said before. With Camren, Mattmila and Tyren can co exist. That's why Ty liked that pic of Camren. There are a reason for everything and we help them in the most easy way. Shipping and talking. And I'm sure that when Tyren and Mattmila no longer cause some drama, or in another way, when we will be used to see the girls with those guys, the PRs will end. And with that another PR will come. Everything is a cicle.

That’s all folks. You can have your own opinión. If there is something that I like about all this It's that make us think. And I love to think, even if I’m wrong.

[littlemixnet]

Leigh-Anne: Race, Pop & Power

This powerful one-off documentary follows pop star Leigh-Anne Pinnock as she confronts her experience as the only black member of Little Mix, and as a black woman in the music industry. Leigh-Anne talks about the racism she has experienced growing up. Both her parents are of Caribbean heritage, and Leigh-Anne identifies as black. She is also aware that having lighter skin and being a celebrity means she is in a more privileged position than others. Leigh-Anne embarks on her own, very personal journey, to understand how she can use her platform and privilege to combat the profound racism she sees in society around her. After she takes on this, her biggest and most important mission yet, news of George Floyd’s death and Black Lives Matter protests begin to sweep the world. With the force of a global movement now behind her, Leigh-Anne confronts those closest to her and attempts to bring difficult conversations about black representation right to the top of the music industry. With no-holds-barred access to one third of the world’s biggest girl band, we join Leigh-Anne with her Little Mix bandmates behind the scenes, at home with her professional footballer fiancée Andre Gray and with fellow pop stars, politicians and podcasters as she opens up an all-important conversation about race. Leigh-Anne takes a look at the complexities and impact of unconscious bias, racial stereotyping and colourism both in and away from the public eye. Since winning X-Factor Leigh-Anne has often felt like she is treated differently, and now she is wondering whether years of feeling ignored at signings, not hearing her name cheered at events, and fans walking past her in favour of the other girls in the band may be down to her race. To understand her experience she contacts Beyonce’s Creative Director Frank Gatson, whose words on their first video rehearsal nearly a decade ago, "you’re the black girl, you have to work ten times harder", have stuck with her ever since. In an emotional scene with her parents, we see how they first reacted when Leigh-Anne told them how she had been feeling as the black member of the band. Leigh-Anne’s dad John recalls: "At the time I thought to myself, Leigh-Anne, toughen up, get yourself together, you’re in a good position, get on with it, don’t moan about it" but her parents' attitudes have changed as they have seen the effect the experience has had on their daughter over the years. Her mum says: "You can use your voice and your experiences to help other people and to let other people know, things are going to change." Pulling together a group of black and mixed-race pop royalty for a round table discussion that’s almost like therapy, Leigh-Anne compares experiences with Alexandra Burke, NAO, Raye and Keisha Buchanan from the Sugababes. In turn, each artist reveals their own shocking experiences within the music industry because of the colour of their skin. When discussing colourism, Leigh-Anne is forced to confront the uncomfortable question - "If I was dark skinned, would I be in Little Mix?" If Leigh-Anne is going to ask difficult questions of the world around her, she needs to do the same at home. In 2012, Andre Gray, Leigh-Anne’s footballer fiancée, wrote a series of offensive tweets, some of which were about black women. Leigh-Anne confronts Andre about these tweets and tries to understand what led him as a younger man to think such abhorrent things. Putting your head above the parapet isn’t easy and Leigh-Anne starts to receive criticism from all angles. She seeks advice on how to handle this backlash from MP Dawn Butler, who herself has faced horrific racial abuse throughout her career. Dawn pushes her to carry on: "When the history books are written people have got to ask themselves, what’s going to be said next to your name?" During Leigh-Anne’s appearance on the Trilly Trio podcast, the subject of Leigh-Anne’s immediate working world comes up. "I walk into work and there are no black people, and that has been that way my whole career, I just haven’t noticed it, it’s my normal!" The podcasters throw down the gauntlet for her: "Do you feel you have the confidence now to have a conversation with your record label, what’s management really doing to emphasise Black Lives Matter?" Leigh-Anne decides she must confront her label about what they are doing to make positive change. But meeting them on camera to join forces to work together going forwards is going to be harder than she imagined.

[authenticnewshindi]

Little Mix: 'It took us years to feel confident enough to speak out'

Little Mix: ‘It took us years to feel confident enough to speak out’

[ad_1]

They’re one of the biggest pop bands on the planet, with millions of record sales, number ones, awards and sold-out shows at arenas around the world under their belts.

But almost a decade since they shot to fame as the first ever group to win The X Factor, Little Mixsay it is only in recent years that they have felt confident to speak out about the darker sides of fame and issues that…

[imtotallysocial]

How exactly to Pick a Fishing Reel

Carp is a common term for numerous species of fish living in freshwater. They can be found in ponds and lakes across the globe. Carp is just a very large band of fish native Asia and Europe. They have been introduced to various locations around the world with mixed results. Fishing for carp features a great appeal because this can be a species that is large and which will set up a fight. Carp fishing can also be featured in fishing games online.Carp fishing needs plenty of equipments like rods, tackles and fly-fishing reels. Much thought should be provided with before generally making any purchase. Your equipment, like the coarse fishing tackle, features a very big influence on the outcome of one's fishing game. It could enable you to catch more fish or it will restrict you from catching any fish. Aside from the equipment, additionally, there are techniques that ought to be sent applications for successful carp fishing.Carp is just a prized fish in Europe. Even when they're not fished for food, they are sought by anglers. The United Kingdom features a thriving carp angling market. In the United States, the carp is classified as a tough fish. They are also thought to be damaging naturalized, exotic species but one that has sporting qualities.Many people, however, are viewing it being an angling fish, as opposed to a maligned pest. The activity of carp fishing or angling is well respected throughout Europe. It's even spawned carp angling holidays.In New Zealand, Koi carps are regarded as noxious fish. Recreational fishing is permitted in some areas Koi should be killed when caught.  https://reeljackpot.com/

Fixed spool reel. This is set up by getting the clutch set just below the breaking strain of the line but it also has some potential problems. It a huge carp takes your bait and make a function for this, two things can likely happen. The first thing that may happen is that the run is going to be so fierce that it can break your line before you will get to a position to achieve the rod and free the clutch some more. The other thing that will happen is if your line doesn't break, your rod will soon be pulled from its rest and your rod and reel will undoubtedly be seen sailing throughout the lake, trailing the carp. This reel is good if you are sitting right close to it and if you're in a position to notice the first indication of the bite and when you're ready if the carp attempts to create a run for it. Baitrunner reel. This is actually the most commonly used carp fishing reel nowadays. The initial clutch is initiated to complement the breaking strain of the fishing line. When this clutch is engages, you are able to cast bait out and set the rod on a rod test or pod. Once you are satisfied using its position, you can engage the second clutch. You may also be able to modify the strain of the next clutch if you are fishing n windy conditions or moving water. Engaging the next clutch is really as easy as picking up the rod and turning the handle of the carp reel. The turn of the handle instantly engages the very first clutch that is initiated to match your fishing line weight.The bait runner rail is considered to be the best among carp fishing rods and reels. A baitrunner reel is just a fixed spool reel having an added feature. It has a button that lets the spool spin freely in a controlled manner and so the captured fish can swim away with hook in its mouth. Bait runner reels aren't only used for catching a single specimen that is carp, it can be used to catch any fish.

When carp are hooked, they make long, powerful runs that can catch a lot of anglers out. If you utilize a main-stream fixed spool, it will take out the rod and another things to the lake with the fish. The angler has to be constantly on the top of rods waiting for the bite. If you utilize a bait runner, the spool will spin freely if the carp runs. There is no threat of the rod being pulled to the water so long as it is set correctly.Baitrunner reels are good for fishing in open water. They may also be used when fishing in the snags. Snag fishing often requires the angler to fish locked up, i.e. the reel spool is placed so that it will not give any line, and bait runner reels can also be found in these situations simply by turning the bait runner feature off. When that's turned off the spool stops spinning freely and the fish can be reeled in without having to adjust the trunk drag of the reel. By flicking the button the fish can be given some line before flicking the button once more to lock the spool.

When IGT first released Treasures of Troy and White Orchid, players, and most slot attendants, didn't understand the 1,024 way MultiWay feature. I need to admit, I found that I couldn't explain it to the slot attendants myself. I found myself researching the overall game feature so I could explain it. Though it appears to be merely a regular game with 40 lines, The Treasures of Troy game is in fact two games in one.

First, it is a 40 line 20 reel game, in place of the 5 reels that most of our games have. It looks like a 5 reel game initially glance, but when you appear closer you will dsicover that there are 5 columns (not reels) of 4 rows. All these "picture windows" is really a separate reel. Watch the way the game plays and you'll see each window stopping alone in place of an entire column stopping together since many reel games do.Second, along with being truly a 40 line game, additionally, it has an option to buy in to a MultiWay feature much like Aristocrat's Reel Power games giving players yet another 1,024 approaches to win when they double their wager. Here's how that feature works:

When you wager the extra amount (40 x your line bet) to enter the MultiWay feature, along with to be able to win based on payable combinations on each of the 40 lines, you can now win based on symbols on each column. You should get 4 or 5 of exactly the same symbol in each column on an active payline to trigger a win, however, if you get more than one of the winning symbols in the 4 or 5 columns, your win is multiplied.

Clear as mud? It is confusing, but if you look at the examples above and watch the game when someone is playing it with the 40+ MultiWay feature activated it can become clearer. Just remember that four to five WS on a payline will trigger the feature when the excess wager is placed.By the way in which, that is basically exactly the same way the Carnival of Mystery game works, except Carnival of Mystery only has three rows by five columns for a maximum of 243 methods to win.Rick Brock has been associated with the casino gaming industry for over 24 years in and around casinos in many different roles. He did at casinos in Nevada, California, Minnesota and Mississippi and has consulted for casinos in California, New Mexico, Louisiana, Minnesota and Mississippi.

Once you sign up to an on the web bingo website you obtain a lot more than a bingo experience. Each one of these bingo websites always offers a bunch of fun and profitable side games. Alongside bingo you will usually find slot based games, casino table games and instant win games.At each bingo site you can play each one of these side games with the funds from your own bingo account. You're free to play as numerous or as low as you wish. All the side games start out for cheap stakes however, you can enjoy for more money if you wish. Many sites even offer a free play scheme; these allow you to experience the side games without risking many hard earned money. In the next article I'm going to share with you all the side games available and see those are the best.

Slot based games are generally typically the most popular type of side games. I'm not sure why, but bingo players often love playing slots. You can enjoy for as little or around you want and there are many of big jackpots to be won if you're fortunate. You may find slots that incorporate popular themes such as for instance "Who wants to be a millionaire" as well as "X Factor" slot games. The most frequent kind of game may be the 3 reel and the 5 reel games. 3 reel games are generally more straightforward to win. My favourite slot based website is Cheeky Bingo.Table games will be the classic form of games you'd find in a casino. You have games such as Roulette, Blackjack and video poker. Roulette is purely a luck game. You spin the roulette wheel and hope that it lands in your number or colour. Blackjack requires a bit of skill, you've to try and make a total of 21 or allow the banker bust. If you find out the correct strategy, these blackjack games can be quite profitable. Likewise with video poker, when you have a good strategy it's possible to win some funds on these machines. My favourite site for table games is Gossip Bingo.

[shadeecare]

Hana Kimura, victim of cyberbulling

Another Celebrity has fallen. Hana Kimura, professional wrestler and star of Netflix’s ‘Terrace House’, a Japanese reality TV series, fell victim to suicide. She left behind messages indicating that cyberbullying is the cause of her death. Recently there has been a deluge of celebrities sharing their struggles about the hurtful comments posted by netizens. Cyberbullying or trolling is an increasing phenomenon where people harass or post hateful messages about another person online. Living a life that is constantly under public eye, where your every movement, action and word is being scrutinised by the public can be daunting even for the most self-assured celebrity. Some celebrities however, have found ways around it   Get therapy

Jesy Nelson, rose to fame with the pop band Little Mix. The online abuse started when Little Mix was competing in The X Factor and winning the title only made it worst for Nelson. She received a barrage of name calling and hurtful comments which caused her to spiral into depression. Recently, Jesy released a personal documentary, revealing the impact of online trolls on her mental health and her journey of rehabilitation. The documentary by BBC titled, ‘Odd One Out’ won the  2020 Visionary Honours award for Nelson. Watch Odd One Out here    Take a  Social Media holiday

Lizzo, famous not only for her singing but for her stand on ‘plus-size’ body positivity has taken a hiatus from Twitter stating that there were just ‘too may trolls’. Lizzo was bombarded with criticism over her comments on Twitter that a Food-delivery person had stolen her food.  The food-delivery person fought back and claimed that she had unsuccessfully tried to contact the celebrity. Lizzo reiterates: "I apologise for putting that girl on blast. I understand I have a large following and that there were so many variables that could’ve put her in danger. Imma really be more responsible with my use of social media and check my petty and my pride at the door". However, the apology failed to undo the damage and the food-delivery person is suing Lizzo for inflicting trauma. But Lizzo says her departure is not forever. She says: "I’ll be back when I feel like it". Many other celebrities have also stayed away from social media including Millie Bobby Brown and Marie Tran.

Fight Back

Taylor Swift, ‘Pop Titan’ and best-selling musician of all times, has battled trolls throughout her singing career. Yet even before she amassed countless awards and accolades, it was her indomitable spirit  that allowed Swift to bounce back every time. Just write a song about the one who slimes you, has been her signature approach to nasty comments. Swift has clearly mastered the art of teasing trolls and Taylurking with their own comments including featuring snakes in her album and Easter Eggs on social media in retaliation. Swift kept low for a year because of the Kardashian/ West conflict but rose from the ashes again. In her recent release ‘You need to calm down’, some believe that Swift was once again addressing her trolls in her song. You need to calm down.

One wonders why people are still taking pot shots at this artist when the list of her philanthropic deeds is as many as her musical awards. Since 2008, Swift has donated millions and spoken up for victims of cancer, flood, online predators, sexual assault, discrimination, and most recently appeared in a concert to raise funds for the WHO Covid19 Solidarity Response Fund. She is also known to do sweet things for her fans. She would personally send flowers and gift to her fans, and have even showed up at a 96 year old’s home to sing for him. With 200 million fans online, Taylor Swift has all the muscle to speak her mind, shame the bullies and retaliate in the way she does.   But I’m not Taylor Swift. So now what? You have trolls crawling out of your computer screen and you are not quite Taylor Swift! Here are some suggestions you can try:

  Be careful who you befriend on social media. People may not be who they appear to be on these platforms. Do not post pictures and information that other people can use against you. Don’t respond to what the trolls say. Often, nasty comments are made to get a response from you and ignoring the bully will defeat their plans to get you down. Responding is also pointless if the bully hinds behind a false persona. Keep a record of the derogatory remarks so that you have evidence of what was said in case you need to raise the case to the authorities. Take a snapshot of the post with the name of the sender, date and social media platform visible. Change your social networking settings and block out the bully. Delete all information that was posted by the bully so that it does not create copycat behavior against you. Get help from forum moderators and report the abuse to the different Social Media site providers. Tell a more mature family member, friend or trusted adult and ask them to stand up for you.   Upstanding Cyberbullying

Often, we wonder why in a busy public space like social media, where everyone is looking at everyone else’s pages and comments but nobody says anything when a vicious comment is posted. Bystanders do not take the initiative to help the victim for many reasons. Some fear retaliation and being bullied themselves Some may not know what to do to address the bullying. Some feel that it is not their business to intervene as they do not know the victim or what the real situation is about. Research has shown that often, the reason for bystander inaction is because everyone is waiting for someone else to make the first move to speak up against the bullying. Once someone starts to call out the bad behavior then other people will likely join in to do what is right. How can you upstand cyberbulling? Here are some suggestion. But remember to focus on the act and the behavior itself, not the person perpetrating it. Your response should focus at calling out bad behavior and supporting the victim rather than shaming the troll. It is totally pointless  fighting bullying with more bullying.

Positive Offensive – Post positive comments about the victim, point out positive qualities or commendable actions by the victim. You can also defend the victim by saying ‘ You and I have lost it/messed up too, and that should be ok’. Delete the negative messages. - Do not forward the negative comments to other people. Gather more people to post nice comments about the victim. Change the topic or use Humour- Sometimes humour can lighten up a serious situation. But be careful that you are not poking fun at someone else as you do so. E.g ‘Whoa, someone is having a bad day to be saying such things’. Object to bullying – You could write: ‘ That’s not a nice thing to say. You wouldn’t want someone to say the same thing to you’ Reach out privately to the victim- Send the victim a private note sharing your displeasure about the bullying, express your concern and show understanding for how they feel. Provide help to raise the bullying to relevant authorities   Unintentional vs Intentional Bullying

Sometimes written comments can be misconstrued, as it is hard to tell the motivation behind a comment when you can’t see the facial reaction or hear the tone of voice. Unintentional bullying can happen when people crack a bad joke not knowing that the recipient is sensitive to the statement. Many people also make remarks in a fly without explaining what they really mean. Some express comments that are really a reflection of their own fears and anxious thoughts. If you have unintentionally said something that hurt someone, Apologise! Forgive yourself! and Be more mindful next time. But if a person persistently causes hurt to someone else, it could be because they have unresolved issues in their own lives. Research has shown that some cyberbullies just don't know how to empathise with others. Some bullies are actually afraid of being bullied themselves as they may have been the target of bullies in the past. And of course there are those bully's who only know aggression as the way to solve problems. We do not want to validate bullying nor encourage behavior that is hurtful to others. But we do want people who resort to bullying as an outlet for their frustrations to get help for themselves. They should speak with professional counsellors, teachers, religious or community leaders about their struggles. Get help here:

  A Different Perspective.

Lashana Lynch is most recently known for her role in the movie Captain Marvel, playing fighter pilot Maria Rambeau and best friend of Carol Danver a.k.a Captain Marvel. However, Lynch’s next big role in the James Bond movie ‘ No Time to Die’, was not well received by Bond fan’s. Many fans reacted negatively when it was revealed that Lynch would play the roll of 007, as they did not think an African American ‘Black’ women should be ascribed the role of 007. Lynch however, was unfazed with the comments and responded: "It doesn't dishearten me," she said. "It makes me feel quite sad for some people because their opinions, are not even from a mean place -- they're actually from a sad place. It's not about me. People are reacting to an idea, which has nothing to do with my life." Lynch went the extra mile and text some of them with a positive message causing a few to have a change of heart. She says their reply was like: "Oh my gosh, thank you so much!" She added: "But it's an interesting test because it reminds them that they definitely wouldn't say that to someone's face." Lynch demonstrates here that when you take a step back and look at negative comments with a clear head, you can be less emotionally affected. By identifying the reason behind the negative reaction of the Bond fans, Lynch recognized that the fans were actually disappointed because of the type casting of the 007 character which failed to meet with their own expectations.

Cyberbullying is a global problem and has claimed many casualties. However, for cyberbullying to stop, we need to recognize that everyone needs to play a part and take proactive steps to change the way we behave, react and communicate on cyber space. If you are a victim of cyberbullying, engaging in self-harm or having suicidal thoughts, please call for help now:

References: Englander, E.K, Muldowney, A.M. (2007). Just Turn the Darn Thing Off: Understanding Cyberbullying.. InMARC Publications.Paper 12. Available at: http://vc.bridgew.edu/marc_pubs/12 Marano, H.E, (1995,2019) Psychology Today. Big Bad Bully- Bullies aim to inflict pain. But eventually, the one most hurt by the bullying is the bully himself. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199509/big-bad-bully Steffgen, G., Konig, A., Pfetsch, J., & Melzer, A. (2011). Are Cyberbullies Less Empathic? Adolescents’ Cyberbullying Behavior and Empathic Responsiveness. CyberPsychology, Behavior & Social Networking, 14, 643-648. doi: 10.1089/cyber.2010.0445. Shultz, E., Heilman, R., & Hart, K. J. (2014). Cyber-bullying: An exploration of bystander behavior and motivation. Cyberpsychology: Journal of Psychosocial Research on Cyberspace, 8 (4), Article 3. https://doi.org/10.5817/CP2014-4-3 Image of Hana Kimura - Youtube: Word Association with Hana Kimura. Image/Video of Jesy Nelson - Odd One Out, BBC.com Image of Lashana Lynch - Captain Marvel Trailer, Marvel Entertainment. Image of Lizzo - Andy Witchger / CC BY (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0) Image of Taylor Swift - YouTube: The Best Outfits At The 2019 American Music Awards | Cosmopolitan UK] Read the full article

[cherryplasmids]

☆ promises ☆

pairing: jaime lannister x reader fandom: game of thrones prompt: confessions are whispered and promises are made during a time of war. notes: character death

—check out my other works; masterlist

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

          The air was thick with smoke, accompanied by the potent odor of copper and wood. Suffocating gray clouds wafted through the air, halting breathing processes and blinding directional senses. Adding to the morbid display was the screams and wails grown men were releasing.

Excruciating sensations shot throughout your body, diluting your ability to concentrate on the central injured area, but you presumed it would be several places that were damaged. You stared at the sky, no solid coherent thought being processed properly. You wish you could see the blue sky since it originally had been a beautiful day, but the layer of fog was too overwhelming for the sunlight to shine through. It was another factor that dampened the entire day.

“Y/N!” A voice yelled out for you, a heavy amount of worry and panic coating their usual tone.

Jaime. And despite all the pain that increased by every passing moment, a gigantic smile plastered on your lips. The man you loved was looking for you. Now all you thoughts became about him. You thought of his gold armor that matched his short, blonde locks. Azure eyes that conveyed numerous emotions, the one most familiar to you being full of love. And most of all, your mind played back were the loving words he whispered into your ear before, during, and after a night full of passion.

And you began recalling the fondest moments shared. From the time you and him cliff dived to playing tricks on Tyrion for the first time you and he deflowered each other. So many memories flashed through your mind, making you emotional and desperately praying this was a nightmare the Gods have engineered in order to punish you for the sins you’ve committed.

“Y/N,” Jaime spoke softly, dropping to his knees next to your semi-paralyzed body. His eyes wandered over your figure, drinking in every detail that was displayed. You were blanketed in a thin layer of soot and grime that would only build up as time went on. Your once braided hair was loosened and matted against the right side of your face, glued on by your own blood. And your soft skin― the organ Jaime spent many nights fondly tracing patterns on― was charred, burnt by flames the white-haired heathen had cast.

“Jaime,” You gritted out, pain shooting through you as you spoke the two syllable name that you loved with all, your heart. “Are you okay?”

Incredulous, he shook his head, letting out a shaky chuckle. “You’ve been burned alive and yet, you ask me if I am okay. You never cease to amaze me, love.” He saw your wide eyes still questioning him, searching for a serious answer. “Physically, I am fine. But I will not be mentally correct until you are healed. Once we win this little bout, we’ll hurry back to Maester Qyburn who will fix you up as good as new.”

You wanted to shake your head at his words, but it was made difficult due to the gash on your neck. Noticing this, Jaime ripped a piece of his cloak and wrapped it tightly around your neck but loose enough to keep you comfortable. “No, I don’t think that’s a possibility, my love.”

Angered flared up, mixing with the increasing grief Jaime was feeling. “I don’t recall you being a quitter.”

Jaime was expecting you to retort with a sarcastic remark or insult ― it would be a glimpse of hope because it would let him know you were going to make it. Instead, tears sneakily fell down, stinging the cuts and charred flesh on your face.

“Words cannot describe how much I adore you. It’s impossible to express what you mean to me because Jaime Lannister you are too beautiful for this world.” You coughed violently, spitting up blood that dotted his ashen face. He did nothing to wipe it off in fear of ruining the moment. His attention was solely on you, despite the raging fires that instigated chaos.

“No one deserves you―not the seven kingdoms, not the king or queens guard, not your sister, and certainly not me. But somehow in this miserable ridden world, I found myself grasped in your arms with the promise of us against the world.” Another bout of coughing issued, hacking up even more blood. Your hand subconsciously tightening around Jaime’s cold, metal hand. In return, his warm flesh one tenderly caressed your dirty cheek.

“Love,” Jaime whispered, choking back a sob.

It was such a terrible time to profess such things. The Targaryen claimant of the Seven Kingdoms along with her Dothraki savages and largest dragon commenced a surprise attack on the already thinning Lannister/Tarley army. Thus, an abundance of men perished in fires or died fighting with crucial food stock being burned in the process. Being the leader of the armies, Jaime should have been commanding the leftover troops, instructing them on what the battle plans are. However, he was beside you, attempting to ten to your ample wounds that increasingly made him anxious. Although you felt terrible for taking away his attention from the real issue, there was an enormous part of you that swelled with joy.

“Oh fuck,” You uttered, breath hitched as you stared at Jaime’s pure blue eyes.”I knew once we won the war and peace would cloak the Seven Kingdoms, you would renounce your position as a Kingsguard and make Casterly Rock our home.” You watched his nod his head, agreeing with your words. He had expressed his desires to wed you and eventually impregnate you because he genuinely wanted to start afresh. And even though he knew all his murders and incestuous behaviors could never disappear ― he knew for certain that it would be a better life he left it behind. He would do it for you because you were his future.

You let out a sob that Jamie confused with a cough, so he gently moved your head to his lap in order to prevent choking. “In my purse, there is a box, whatever you find is yours.”

Jaime looks to your side, where your other hand had the red silk pouch clutched. He remembered giving that to you around two years ago, the color and accented gold matching the Lannister colors. It was a gift for your name day and you carried it everywhere you went, never leaving it behind. And every single time he saw you with it, his lips would turn up in a serene smile.

Softly tugging the pouch out of your grasp, he opened it up and placed his real limb in it, shifting around to find something. But there was only one thing. Pulling the object out, it was a box which sported House Lannister colors, identical to the pouch itself. The softness of the velvet smoothed underneath his flesh. He glanced at you, waiting for any sign of rebuttal, but all you did was nod at him which gave him the ‘okay’ to do it. With slight eager, he removed the top and saw a ring embedded in more velvet.

It was a simple gold band without many intricate detailing. It appeared rather unisex. The shine was long gone, replaced by dull sheen and the material was moderately flimsy. Jaime’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, his eyes darting to meet yours in a questioning look.

“My family never married noble Houses or rarely married vessels. We never had the fortune of purchasing the finest gold or the rarest gems, or lavish clothing. Most of what we had were handcrafted.”  You had to stop talking, breathing for a moment in order to regain your minuscule strength to speak. It was taking a toll on you, each syllable hurting more than the last. However, no pain in the world would stop you from expressing your words to Jaime. “Supposedly my great, great-grandmother was excellent at crafting anything. So one day she decides to create a ring, the family heirloom that would be worthless to anyone, except her poor family. And before she was brutally murder by the Mad King himself, she handed it down to her daughter. And the tradition was thoroughly carried out. I had to wait until I bled to get that. I waited so long to be apart of my family’s history. I intended to pass it down like my ancestors had once done. But my story ends here, daughterless.”

A few more tears fell from your eyes, mourning the loss of a daughter you never had. Jaime caressed your hair, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to your crying eyes. You sniffled before continuing. “I might not have a child but I have you, my beloved who loved me despite my lacking wealth. Who was by my side no matter the situation. I want you to take the ring. Promise to honor my family before another tyrant attempts to destroy it.”

Jaime could feel the butterflies within his stomach flap their wings immeasurably quick. He slips the ring onto the proper digit on his left hand. He gazes at it in awe, his heart thudding in happiness. “Perhaps she had a talent at crafting or maybe we were fated for each other.”

A laugh emitted from your lips but you never replied. You simply stared at the sky in silence, allowing Jamie to mull over his impending loss. The pain was stabbing furiously as he noticed the light dying from your eyes. He pressed a hurried kiss to your bloody lips, his lips mingling with yours in a familiar stance despite the blood and tears. He sluggishly pulled away, opting to stare into your eyes. It was so intense, it made your body shiver with pleasure. It appeared as if he could see your entire existence all at once.

“I have committed many heinous crimes that do not deserve forgiveness. But one thing that can be deemed heroic is wholeheartedly loving you for all your worth.” He spoke in a low whisper, pausing after to reorganize his frenzied thoughts. He wanted the right words to pour out of his mouth like beautiful sonnets one could only dream of speaking but to no avail. There were no words that could ever describe how he felt.

There was no way to describe the beauty you exuded without trying. How the smile you reserved just for him made him tingle in all the right places. No one in the world would be able to match the cute morning voice you had. It would be impossible to illustrate your perfect body, the sensual moans you never hid, or the way your legs would sway after passionate love making. How would anyone be able to document your intelligence or your quick-witted remarks? Your personality was the rarest gem of them all and it would soon be extinct.

Before he could utter another word, he saw it. The way your mouth parted and your eyes widened gave him the signal. It would be only minutes until death took you.

The worst pain you ever felt and imagined hit you so hard it made you breathless. And contrary to popular belief, childbirth or any physical wound did not cause it. You saw the light dwindle steadily, striking your heart in repeated blows as color begin to fade from your vision. It made you cry out in both anguish and frustration. Death had come to collect you far too early for your liking. You had so much to say to Jaime, to reassure him that he will be fine without you, but time was not on your side.

“Even though I promised you it would be us against the world, it seems it is meant to be broken. Be strong for the both of us and win this war. Promise me you’ll kill that Targaryen whore before she takes anything else from you.” You took a deep breath. Regardless of your struggle to speak the words, there was heavy adoration as in your voice as you continued. “I love you Jaime Lannister, more than the Gods can measure.”

And with that, you took your final breath.

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

word count: 2,039 published: aug 10, 2017 edited: n/a

[abnahaya]

Jesy Nelson and I Can Finally Look at Our Old Photos Without Feeling Bad

I’m not a famous person, I can still count how many cruel online comments that I get, but I remember them all. There was a time when I was a dancer in a nightclub and they uploaded my picture with my fellow dancer who was younger and cuter —according to society’s beauty standard, and many of the people made fun of my features. Or another time when I received a weird and offensive question on a social media platform about how I gained so much weight. Even though I know that these aren’t the slightest true statements, and that I shouldn’t think of them, I can’t erase them from my mind. I try not to dwell on them but it’s so easy to recall those moments in a flash.

Now imagine hundreds or even thousands of hates comments every day for five years.

A few days ago, I watch a documentary of Jesy Nelson, a personnel of British girl group Little Mix. I like Little Mix but honestly, I don’t follow their journey from the start, they just caught my attention when “Wings” was released. Apparently, ever since their X-factor days, Jesy had been bullied online because of her looks and it affected her a lot. It broke my heart when Jesy told the BBC three that on the night Little Mix won X-factor, she was actually sad and devastated, she didn’t care about winning, all she wanted was to go home, but she couldn’t destroy the joy of her fellow band mates. At that point, all the bullying had gotten inside her head, overwriting her own ideas of herself. Not even the achievement of her dreams could chase the fears away. In the documentary that left audience weeping —including yours truly, Jesy told how she couldn’t look at her old pictures and videos because of deep trauma they evoked. Even after losing weight and applying makeup, she still hated herself.

***

I remember when I met my teacher from Junior High School days and the first thing she told me was, “Oh you’re prettier now, you used to be pitch black” (not trying to be racist but she literally said the word). I told my mum and she laughed it off—because it’s true, she said. And even though deep in my heart I wasn’t flattered one bit by that statement, I had to brush it off and forcefully telling myself that I was at least getting better. But even so, I couldn’t bring myself to look at my old photos because I thought I looked horrible. I erased all the old profile pictures and hid the tagged photos on Facebook. One time my friend uploaded one of our old picture and I felt so disgusted with my own face —although all I said to her was: “OMG LOL”.

I must say I’m lucky I’m a nobody, because I can easily forget about the times those “bad memories” comes into surface and they don’t pop up that often if not because of Facebook Most of my friends were too busy with their life to reminisce the old days, and I wouldn’t even do it in a million years, or so I thought.  However, once it happens, it’s like watching a horror movie. I don’t want to see it, even the sound itself already scares me, yet everyone keep shoving it into my face and telling me to look until I have to peek from between my fingers. Usually ends up with me looking for a brief two minutes that feels so long, before I squeak and close my eyes again, hoping that the image that has been carved into my brain can disappear quickly. But of course, it doesn’t, instead it’s going to haunt me for a couple of nights and making me feel uneasy.

I hated looking at my own face because it reminded me of how “ugly” I was, that all the features I had back in the days were laughable. It also made me sad that I thought there were so many wonderful memories, great stories and experiences, yet what people would remember from me was just how unattractive I was. I know vividly that my look was a big insecurity for me in those years, and even though some of my closest people were cheering for me at that time, as time pass by, they said the same thing with the bullies. One time my mum told me that she mentioned the name Naomi Campbell the supermodel only to make me feel better, but she never thought that Naomi was pretty, she was just simply stating we share the same skin tone. She laughed again as she continued describing how silly I was to believe her so easily, and that my teacher was right.

I tried to laugh it off many times, too. After all, those time has passed. I am now good in applying makeup, knows what clothes to wear, and not as terrible looking as before. I have grown into an adult and expected to face “criticism” with grace and a light heart. I tried not to be one of the “snowflake generation” whom offended easily in trivial matters. At least that was what I was told.

***

I believe how Jesy’s documentary could reach so many hearts are that because many people have been through similar experiences. Maybe not online, and maybe not by thousands of people, but just enough to hurt them. Others can also relate to the symptoms she describes on tape, maybe these people didn’t even think of getting bullied but at some points, they understand how it feels to just despise the image you see in the mirror. We all know very well how powerful words are, sadly, because at some points we have been hurt by others’ words.

Jesy went to see a beauty image consultant and we could watch short sessions between the two of them. In the second visit, Jesy was showed her old footage from the X-factor days and even further back to her childhood pictures, it was the first time she saw them after years. The consultant asked her what the old Jesy would think if she was told that she would have her dream coming true in the future, would she think of being sad? Of course not. The wake-up call for Jesy was when she was reminded that who she had become today was the result of the evolution of her past self, that she wouldn’t be able to reach her dream without the past Jesy inside her, and that she wouldn’t survive and become stronger if not from the painful journey the past Jesy had gone through to become the present Jesy.

I had a similar revelation, despite that I didn’t have to visit any consultant and simply just had extra time to look within myself. My wake-up call was just when I scrolled my Twitter timeline and finding a post where a guy put his new picture and a childhood picture together, saying that he didn’t change much. I looked through my tagged photos and saved a few of my old Junior High School pictures, the period when I was in a weird transition, leaving my cute childhood behind and not yet arriving into the graceful adult, basically the worst pages of my life lookbook. I stared at both pictures from different decades, puberty didn’t hit me like a truck, but I sure have evolved with time.

I mean, maybe I’d have a slightly better picture if iphone —or at least Xiaomi had existed in early 2000s. But that’s the point. Time has changed. I have changed. There have been so many things came in my way ever since and I survived. That skinny, curly-haired girl is still here inside me as I am inside her. I wouldn’t be able to be who I am now if she hadn’t put so much effort and positivity all along. Just as I picked up another picture from my golden days, when I was in Uni, the period in which I miss almost everything —slim figure, fun days, dancing non-stop, life free of responsibilities, and not having any more regrets. I no longer hate my few extra kgs or how my leg feels weaker when I twerk, not anymore, because I have everything in the present me. I have me.

We heard many wisdom sayings, like: life is like a roller coaster, just enjoy the ride —or some sort. It’s not wrong. I just want to add a bit of a note, that is to go to the toilet and take a look at the mirror. Appreciate yourself today. You are alive. Then remember another quote: life is a gift, that’s why we call it present. Your life today is the gift given by you from yesterday, last week, and even 8 years ago. Enjoy it. If it’s a bit too much today, scream it out, remember, everyone in the roller coaster are freaking out anyway. You’re not alone and you are beautiful.