#firefam in the firetruck my beloved

[elvensorceress]

definitely not seven sentences Sunday oops

tagged by @alyxmastershipper @comaboybuck @spotsandsocks @rewritetheending @messyhairdiaz @spaceprincessem @capseycartwright @the-likesofus @wikiangela @buddiearemydads @ebdaydreamer @fiona-fififi mwah! 😘 

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from Catching Lightning ⚡️ Eddie had awkward dinner with Buck and his new girlfriend and stormed out after Buck spent the night talking about all the fun ways he’s nearly died...

The next time he sees Buck it’s when they’re smushed together in the middle of the firetruck because they both climbed in from opposite sides and got stuck next to each other. Normally, it would be a welcome thing. If there’s ever a limit on space, they always squish in closer together to give everyone else more room. 

But today. 

Buck doesn’t look at him and he doesn’t look at Buck, and Buck even crosses his long legs so they’re crammed to the side but positioned away from Eddie as he holds onto his own knee to keep his arm nowhere near the space between them. Can’t have any part of him coming into contact with any part of Eddie. Can’t have that at all. Eddie folds his arms over his own chest. And all he can say is that it’s going to be a very long shift. 

They’re only part way down the road when Chim snaps his gum and looks between them with a narrow, suspicious expression. “Some kind of trouble in paradise?”

Buck tenses. And Eddie isn’t sure if anyone else notices or if they’d be able to tell. But Eddie can feel it. The hard wound strain and rigidity through his partner. Even now. Buck decides to play dumb on the matter and turns further toward Chim— away from Eddie. “What are you talking about?”

“You two,” Chim points back and forth this time. “Not talking, not looking, not touching. You’re never like this. It’s weird.” 

Hen, on Eddie’s other side, also gives them a scrutinizing look. “That’s true. All morning. You’re both very… detached. Did we have a fight?”

Chim makes a very serious, very stern face. “Did someone forget to put the toilet seat down?”

Hen makes a face at Chimney. “Why would they care if it’s down?”

“Right. Also true,” Chim says to her and then redirects to Eddie and Buck,

 “Were we asked to pick up milk on the way home but we forgot? Did we shave over the sink and not rinse it out? Did we squeeze out the toothpaste the wrong way? Did we leave wet towels on the floor or shoes out where someone can trip on them? Did we finish off the cereal and not write it down on the grocery list? Uh, what else…”

Hen adds, “Did we turn the thermostat up too high? Did we leave the dishes instead of washing them? Or did we load the dishwasher wrong? Did someone forget to make school lunch or that it’s their turn to pick up the child and help with homework and start dinner?”

They’re teasing. It’s teasing. They’re joking. It’s nothing new or out of the ordinary. Not even in the way they’re going about it. And most of the time, Eddie would roll his eyes and brush it off. He might even think it’s funny. Or accurate. 

Today though…

Today. The idea that they live together. That they’re like a married couple. Who share parenting and caretaking of a child. Today, it puts weight on Eddie’s chest and a stiff lump in his throat that’s difficult to swallow down. Today, it hurts to breathe. He’s trapped and crushed again, ribs broken, unable to move, unable to free himself. 

Alone. Always alone. 

They’ll never have that. Eddie will never have that. They’ll never have that together. 

Buck opens his mouth with what is no doubt a smartass retort. 

But Ravi beats him to it. “Buck has a new girlfriend.” 

Hen’s eyes grow wide and her mouth falls open, “What?”

Chimney holds up a hand either like he wants to be called on in class or he wants this to stop, “How?”

Even Bobby pipes in with a, “When?”

Buck turns to Ravi with a scowl. “How do you know that?”

“It’s all over your socials, man. Come on.”

Buck huffs and probably rolls his eyes. Eddie isn’t looking but it would be a Buck kind of response. “Whatever. It’s a few pictures.” 

Eddie’s busy watching a spot on the dashboard where the outdoors passing by them are only peripheral. Blurs of brown and green that might be grass or trees. Endless charcoal colored streets. Tan and beige and gray and taupe boxes on hillsides that all come out identical. Vehicular shaped objects that are there and gone in an instant. 

“Don’t think you’re getting out of this that easy,” Hen shakes her head. “When did this happen?”

There’s another long, aggrieved sound from Buck and he shrugs. “A few months ago? It’s not a big deal. We just started dating.” 

“Wait,” Hen says. “You just started dating? Or it’s been a few months?” 

“Both. It hasn’t been that long. We’re getting to know each other.”

“You never told us anything,” she says like they want to know about it. Maybe it’s just Eddie who doesn’t. Why wouldn’t they want to know what’s going on in Buck’s life right now? 

Eddie’s the problem. He’s the one who fucked up. He’s the one who can’t deal with another fucking couch that comes with another fucking girlfriend. Not that she’s the problem either. Someone else is the fucking problem. Life is a gift so I have to forget about actually dealing and instead throw myself at the first woman who pays attention to me. That will solve the problem!

Chim gives a concerned or at least sufficiently confused look like Buck’s into math again. “Yeah, what’s that about. You never shut up about your dating life.” 

“I did bring it up! I just didn’t say that she came back and wanted to be with me. But she did. There was a lot going on. Surprise, we’ve been dating. I didn’t really talk about Taylor when I was with her either,” Buck shoots back, a clear edge to his tone. 

And Eddie doesn’t really help that edge because, “Thank fuck for that,” comes out of his mouth before he thinks to stop himself. 

The others chuckle and murmur agreements with his statement. Buck deigns to turn to Eddie so that he can level him with a cold glare. 

Which— yeah, is fair. Eddie deserves that. But so did Miss Tell-All novelist. So, whatever.  

“Is that the only thing that happened?” Hen turns to them again. 

“Yeah, because the last time you two were like this, Buck was suing the city,” Chim says, and doesn’t stop there. “And then Buck was a deadbeat dad and Eddie was an angry ex-husband with no child support and we were all stuck in Grocery Store Drama Theater of Embarrassment and Cat Laxatives—” 

“Just think if the reporter-turned-author had been there to witness that one,” Hen says. “Imagine the chapter interlude that would have been.” 

“—No one needs to go through that again. No one should put lawsuits and laxatives together,” Chim continues. “It’s inhumane. Think of the children. Think of the excess of shi—” 

“And we’re here!” Bobby says very loudly over their headsets. “And we’re professionals who leave our personal business at home. Right, kids?” 

“Of course, Cap! What happens in the engine, stays in the engine.” Chim points two fingers at his own eyes and then at Buck and Eddie and back and forth a few times before jumping out of the truck. 

“One can only hope.” Ravi follows after but does tap Chim’s arm and ask in a hushed, confused voice, “Cat laxatives? What the hell?”

“Wouldn’t dream of anything else, Cap.” Hen gives them both wary glances as she sets down her headset and climbs out her side and follows Bobby. 

Leaving Eddie an exit to escape. He takes off his own headset and breathes in deep, once, twice. Cut it off. Shut it down. Put it away. 

Or, as Adriana likes to dramatically sing at him, conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know. Why his baby sister has to be infuriatingly accurate in fucking Disney song is beyond him. That’s the inhumanity right there. And also entirely the opposite point of the song but who is keeping track.

Eddie rubs his forehead briefly and moves to follow Hen and everyone else out of the truck. 

[biasbuck]

BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays

Happy Friday everyone! Back again with another round of the fic I've been reading this week. You can find previous rec lists here.

A reminder I'm here for all buddie/bucktommy/buddietommy configurations, enough love to go around!

17 May 2024

through the fire and the sound by @kirkaut 'It all starts when Tommy has to cancel their plans for Friday. Or: Evan Buckley and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.' The reason this week's rec list is coming a little later in the day, was because I was absolutely immersed in this 10k one shot and couldn't stop reading! I really loved the Buck characterisation in particular in this one, his voice rang out so strongly, supported, teased and cared for by the 118, and just ready to take those next steps with Tommy. Loved how their relationship was developed and showcased with the depth of love explored. After a series of bad calls end in injury, sometimes you have to embrace the moment!

you’ve got too much to wear on your sleeve by @try-set-me-on-fire apparently I was in the mood for some good ol' hurt/comfort this week, because in this one Tommy’s helicopter goes down, and whilst Maddie reassures Buck he'll be ok, in an effort to distract himself from worrying on the job, Buck concentrates on fixing the station AC unit. I really enjoyed the structure of this one, how Buck's work continues even once he knows what's happened because he still has a shift, and Tommy sending Maddie updates to reassure Buck was just very sweet.

prescribed burn and aerial ignition by @wakeupnew is a brilliantly crafted 7x06 coda, in which 'Tommy's busy fighting a wildfire at the edge of the Angeles National Forest, but every time he checks his phone, he has an increasingly unbelievable series of text messages.' I LOVED the text messages added in to this fic, such a great mix of sweet and drunken and funny and charming and appropriately alarming. Continuing the trend of them showing concern for each other, I also just loved Tommy's appreciation of clipboard Buck, drunk Buck, worried brother-in-law Buck and safe in his arms Buck. And the follow up is a beautifully soft and sexy morning after epilogue.

give your heart and soul to charity by @exhuastedpigeon is a buddie fic with background 'keeping things fluid' bucktommy, and crucially in which 'Eddie dumps God, gets some more therapy, accepts parts of himself he was taught to hate, loves his best friend, and loves himself.' With gorgeous evocative writing, lots and lots of Eddie introspection and some very pleasing healing Catholic Guilt to joyful unrepression arc, there's emotional ups and downs along the way that made my heart ache.

To Build a Home We Deconstruct Our Rituals by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels was another buddie fic I was recommended from a few years ago to read to get inside Eddie's head and is my favourite of tropes - fake marriage of convenience with co-habitation and mutual pining and very real feelings they've yet to articulate. Post-shooting, Eddie has concerns about the legal strength of Buck being Christopher's guardian in case of his death...so he totally marries him about it. My favourite thing was just nobody really batting an eye, until it became undeniable. And Maddie's reaction.

i could be the one (or your new addiction) by @bucktheally 'Five times Buck had to put a dollar in the Mentioning Tommy jar during 7x07, and one time nobody was around to catch him.' 118 firefam team banter my beloved!! As fun as this season has been I am MISSING ME some firetruck team conversations allowed by a longer season, and this fic fills the void magnificently.

PS - once again sending out the signal to ask if you have any henren authors/fic recs I should check out PLEASE let me know! I love them!

Also it's my birthday tomorrow and you know you want to point me towards any of your buddietommy fics that I missed!

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Buck’s Slippery Sense of Self

This is a bit scattered but bear with me. Ravi’s comment to buck that he likes being himself has been bouncing around in my skull. Buck absolutely struggles in a big way with being himself. He’s painful self-worth issues in a trenchcoat of swag, charm, and smiles carefully constructed to keep people in his life, but he struggles to be fully and deeply honest about the shattered pieces of himself that he’s still trying to find, pick up, and put together. He’s grown a lot, become more honest and open with select folks but there are still walls to break down for sure.

Think about buck begins. He plasters on a thick heavy smile while telling his firefam that he’s defective parts. In 505 he gives taylor a halfhearted smile at the end when he thanks her. In that same ep he tucks himself into the side of the firetruck, alone, as he listens to yet another voicemail greeting from beloved family that won’t answer the phone. His face drops when he hears chim’s “greeting” then he shouts for ravi so that he can tenaciously train him and strengthen the firefam in the process. When he’s finally ready to deal with his pain over chim and maddie leaving, it’s just to say that “for the good of everyone” he plans to transfer. He legit thought they would just let him go and not miss him. He totally thought he broke one family and would break this one too. Buck honestly thought leaving was a noble sacrifice. He would excise himself so that the team could carry on free of his gross and obviously flaws. Buck nooooooo!!! The firefam loves you, even in your darkest hour. They see your flaws, and that does NOT negate your beauty and worth as a whole person in their family. “You’re stuck with us”

Buck thinks there’s value in parts of him - his skills, his strong body, his blood and sweat - but not in him as a whole person, not as a complete self. Flaws and all. He thinks people tolerate or ignore his flaws rather than actually 100% accept them.

I think ravi blew his frickin’ mind when he said he likes being himself. I think buck likes what he does and how he can serve people but I’m not convinced he likes himSELF. Honestly I think he’s struggling with what that even means AND whether or not he even matters in the grand scheme of things.

I think that’s the struggle that’s being explored with maddie and chim’s absence as the catalyst, and his attempt to replace himself with ravi on the team. Eddie’s chuckle at dinner when ravi asked if he was in buck’s seat struck me on a deeper level as being eddie almost saying “as if you could take his seat at this table!”. Then of course buck says that’s exactly his plan and eddie balks at that…HARD. But to buck it seemed like the most logical and reasonable thing in the world.

Even after everything they’ve all been through together, he doesn’t see himself as a worthy, valued, and loved enough for people to fight to keep him in their lives. Buck sees others’ worth so clearly but can’t quite afford himself the same grace. He gave ravi a hard time but if he didn’t think he was worthy he wouldn’t have invested the energy.

It makes me wanna cry so hard. I hate that buck sees himself in parts rather than as an amazing whole. As tiny shards of limited value rather than a whole of great worth. His pain this season is destroying me. The firefam helps bandage buck’s emotional wounds but I really think therapy and eddie are gonna be the rescue, the healing that he needs to find wholeness and self-worth.

It wasn’t an accident that ravi told buck he respects him but likes being himself. Buck getting to that same place is gonna be a thing this season. His relationship with taylor is playing into things too because she also only sees buck in pieces and parts. She sees ego and charm. She has no idea that all of that is a mask, it’s armor and it’s cracking.

I really think that using buck’s actual name, evan, at key points is a choice and it’s brilliant. I always felt that buck, like the firefighter uniform itself, was a kind of armor helping to protect and hold together evan. Evan has been hurt so badly in so many ways, but buck’s a “badass under pressure”, and spoiler alert: he’s always feeling pressure, always convinced that his life and himself are fragile and hanging by a thread, always afraid that people will finally figure out that he’s worthless. *crying now, give me sec* Maddie calls him evan at points, always in emotional scenes when she wants to reach and heal him. Eddie called him evan in the same way when he told him about the will. But. When taylor says evan, it feels wrong. It feels like she doesn’t know evan at all so her using his name feels off.

We are gonna see more evan this season i think, the vulnerable bits brought to the surface by all the crazy crap this weewoo show has thrown and will throw at him, and I’m hoping for more healing. Buck deserves no less than real healing.

[merthurians-prat-and-idiot]

Firefam firetruck teasing scene my beloved