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naoa-ao3 · 1 year ago

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All Monsters Great and Small

Giles needed information on a specific magic and it was for once so specialized that he knew of only one person who had ever even dabbled in it. Ethan but as far as he knew the man was still locked up somewhere, safe, secure and where he couldn't cause any harm.

He knew because he'd put him there.

Giles had always felt right in his decision to hand Ethan over to the Initiative. Ethan had proven himself dangerous time and time again and with no end of his bad behavior in sight he hadn't really given him any other option but that had been nearly a decade ago now and since then the world had changed. Whether Ethan Rayne changed with it or not hardly mattered any more.

Giles had spent the years since Sunnydale helping Buffy build a network of Slayers across the globe. It was massive now and the sheer scope of their reach gave him some time off once in a while where he could almost pretend he was close to retirement. He had come to accept however, that winters in Spain and a fat pension weren't in his future as they might once have been. Evil didn't retire and so he probably never would either.

Today was no exception. When even their coven connections couldn't help them he called in a favor from the Initiative and of all people they sent him Riley Finn, older and more lined than he should have yet been but still wide eyed and quintessentially all American. He couldn't fight the stab of contempt he felt for the boy he had been and the man he was now. People seldom changed and Riley might have been older but he had never left his commandos, never learned to think for himself. Never been good enough for Buffy if he was honest. He hadn't been a bad kid but he hadn't impressed him either.

He forced a smile however when he met the man at the airport outside Reno. Being state side again was somehow jarring. So close to where Sunnydale had been and yet knowing it wasn't.

Riley's smile was tight too. "Took me a while to track him down." He said. "Your guy got moved around a little over the years."

Giles glanced at him. "Was he trouble?" He asked.

Riley shrugged. "Don't know. File I got said he didn't do well in the rehabilitation facility. They moved him here for keeping."

"Didn't do well?" Giles felt a pit form in his stomach. Didn't do well. . .

"Its rehab." Riley said, leading him to an unmarked government van. "You have to want it. He didn't."

Right.

Ethan wouldn't have wanted it.

They got in and Giles glanced out the window and back at the airport. He could see Ethan not doing well in rehab.

"You'll be trusted to keep the facility's location a secret. We normally wouldn't allow anyone inside but you arent exactly a stranger and we owe your people a few favors." Riley said.

Giles nodded, thinking of Ethan and remembering Adam and Walsh and the rest of the boys in Kevlar. He had really handed his old friend over to these people. "How long has he been at this facility?" He found himself asking.

"About six years now. He wasn't very forthcoming in Sunnydale as I remember. They got what they could oit of him and sent him to the rehab building but. . ." Riley trailed off and the pit in Giles's guts opened wider, taunting him.

He wondered what they'd wanted from Ethan at all and had a flicker if doubt. The Initiative didn't deal in magic, they dealt with demons. Take his magic away and Ethan was just a man.

He felt his palms sweat as they were engulfed by the darkness and the desert. The stars above. The hum of the engine.

There was no other way. Ethan wasn't an ordinary man and an ordinary prison couldn't hold him, although he didn't doubt that there was ample evidence across the Atlantic to put him in one. No, this was the only place and sooner than he'd thought they came across a small building in the middle of nowhere, only one guard on duty as far as he could see.

Giles raised an eyebrow and Riley pointed to their feet. "Down there." He said, cleared by the guard.

Of course it was and down they went, into the bleeding belly of the beast and her fluorescent lights and locks. . . her secrets.

They passed nameless white walls and ugly, tiled floors, the lights humming above and the only sound their feet slapping the ground beneath them.

Giles thought for some reason he would be seeing Ethan in his cell and it was almost a disappointment when he was lead into an interrogation room. He looked at Riley expectantly and the boy. . . the grown boy cleared his throat.

"They should be bringing him." He said, gesturing at the table he should sit at. "Are you sure he'll help you?"

He wasn't and he didn't answer. Nothing was certain with Ethan. That was why he was better off here.

Riley hung his head and nodded. He'd never been a stupid lad.

They waited.

"You knew him, right?" Riley asked suddenly, looking up.

Giles nodded, wondering what he was asking for and not liking it that he was at all.

Riley nodded too. "Its been nearly ten years." He said. "He may be different."

It was insightful and Giles resented him for his insight. He knew how long it had been and yet Riley's words still made him twist inside, his sweaty palms still sticking and his throat drier than it had been before. "I'll keep that in mind." He said.

Riley nodded and then the door opened and two men entered with a figure between them. Ethan Rayne, looking every bit of ten years older than he had the last time Giles had seen him. He looked haggard too and Giles didn't miss it but the moment their eyes met he saw an old light go on in Ethan's and his eyebrows rose. He was still the same man.

The man was so busy looking at him that he stumbled when directed into the chair across the table.

The door shut and the two soldiers remained outside. It was just the three of them in the cement room. Ethan's eyes bright. "Ripper." He heard him breath and he sounded older too. Giles watched as he placed his hands in the desk between them and he heard the clink of handcuffs. It was almost fascinating to see Ethan of all people in chains like this. Satisfying in a way.

"How are you, Ethan?" He asked, taking in the changes on the man. He was thinner, greyer. Older than he'd thought either of them would ever be but he was still Ethan.

"Peachy." Ethan said, voice dark. His eyes raked over Giles appraisingly. "What about you, Ripper? What brings you down to my humble abode?"

"I need some information." Giles said, lacing his own fingers opposite Ethan and looking at the difference in their hands. His were not as thin and there was no metallic clink or shine around his wrists.

Ethan gave him an amused look but it wasn't anything like the looks he remembered from the past. This one was weaker, tired. "Well I'm afraid im not very on top of the up and about of today's gossip."

"I think you'll know about this." Giles said. "I need to know about the father of all chaos gods. The primordial demon Anthellen. One if his children is causing mayhem beyond his own ability."

Ethan looked delighted. "And you think I know of this?"

"Know of or know him." Giles said. "You served the god Janus. I don't imagine he was the only one you payed homage to."

A dryer look this time, not so amused. "I know of Anthellen but he's not father of all chaos." He sounded read on the subject and Giles sighed, glad he was being so forthcoming. "Only one pantheon of chaos gods."

Giles leaned forward and in the dim fluorescent light he had to strain his eyes. "And of his children?" He asked.

Ethan withdrew his arms from the table. "And why would I know anything about them?" He asked.

Giles frowned. "If anyone would it would be you."

Ethan cocked his head but nodded. "And if I tell you?" He asked.

A harder frown. "You want to know what's in it for you." Of course he did. How typical of Ethan. Always working an angle.

Ethan nodded, eyebrows raised expectantly but he had his arms crossed over himself and looked weary.

"Well what do you want then?" Giles asked, sitting back. "It's not as if I can give you your freedom."

A slightly sour look crossed Ethan's face. "No, but he can give me things." He said, pointing at Riley.

Riley looked at Giles who shrugged. "What do you want, Ethan?" He asked. It seemed harmless enough to ask and they already had all of the power. Ethan didn't have a lot of room to negotiate.

"I want my books back and I don't want them taken again." He sounded almost petulant there was an odd timber in his voice.

"Why were your books taken?" Riley asked, arms crossed.

Ethan gave him a look of distaste. "Their drugs aren't perfect, you know." He said. "Sometimes they can't stop all of the magic. Sometimes I get lucky."

"Which is why you're still in here." Riley said.

Giles nodded and Ethan gave him a resentful look. "Give them back or I'll say nothing." He said. "I don't have anything else to bargain with and you won't give me anything else I want."

"Youre sure right about that." Riley said dryly but Giles wasn't interested in petty squabbling.

"Oh just give him the bloody books back." Giles snapped.

"Do you know what they gave me to read in here?" Ethan asked suddenly, looking at him then over the table. "Anne of Green Gables. The whole set! When I'd read it, I asked for more and they gave me Little House on the Prairie. Can you imagine? This is condescension I wouldn't stoop to!"

Giles looked at him dryly. This was getting him nowhere. "You've got your books back now what do you know, Ethan?" He asked.

Ethan leaned forward. "I know your tin soldiers haven't stopped all of their cutting." He hissed.

That was something to consider but it wasn't what he'd asked and Giles had a time frame to worry about.

"You know, you look older, Rupert." Ethan said, diverting to another topic. He sounded almost sad and it was getting pathetic.

"So do you." He whispered.

There was silence and then he cleared his throat and Ethan winced. "I need to know." Giles said. He couldn't play these games forever. Ethan had all of the time in the world but he didn't.

And for a moment Ethan looked like an old man. Far older than he was. "Your god was eaten by his children. The child that ate his head was Callenth. If you're looking for anyone it'll be him and there'll be writing on him. I know you probably didn't find much on Anthellen." He sniffed. "He became the most powerful and practiced the darkest chaos. Its was always a trip calling upon him. He might kill you for it. The rush is incredible. You should try it, I know it nearly killed me."

"And yet you somehow survived."

Ethan smiled slightly. "He's arrogant."

Giles didn't point out that he was the last person who should have been calling names. "Thank you, Ethan." He said, rising then.

Bound hands reached out and grabbed at his arm tightly, fingers cold and hard. "Not yet." He whispered. "You take my time I take your's." Ethan's voice was low and shakey then.

Giles almost snorted. "And why would I do that?" He asked.

Ethan looked troubled, nearly angry. "Why not?" He asked. "What have you got to loose?" He snapped.

Giles almost pitied him but this was the man who had upended the people he cared about's lives and nearly killed them. This was a man who caused chaos and problems wherever he went. This was the man who wouldn't leave him alone.

"Do you know where they keep me?" Ethan asked. "Underground, forever. I haven't seen the sky in years. You took that from me." He nodded slightly as if Giles should agree with him and he did even if he didn't nod. He had taken that away from him but Ethan had taken it away from himself too. He couldn't pretend he was repercussion's victim.

"You caused nothing but trouble."

"There are far worse people than me." Ethan said, voice thin and scathing.

"And yet my life has been much more enjoyable devoid of your escapades." Giles said, trying to hurt. Trying to make the churning in his guts stop.

Ethan chewed on his cheek for a moment. Something he didn't think he'd seen him do before.

"These boys forget that I'm not a demon." He whispered. "Can't take the beatings they can." He sounded short and forceful.

Giles winced and looked at Riley who looked guilty.

"That's the trouble with all of the on campus recruiting and little soldier training in schools. You get kids with weapons." Ethan whispered and Giles realized he had sat back down. He couldn't remember doing so.

"I'll talk to someone." Riley muttered. "I didn't know."

He never did and Giles looked at Ethan, feeling something close to guilt in his chest. He had done this but Ethan had hurt so many people in his life. He didn't have a choice.

"I don't know what's worse." Ethan said. "The demons or the soldiers. All monsters, great and small, you know?" He grinned almost haplessly and there was just the faintest glimmer of his old self. "They're all down here."

"And what are you?" Giles found himself asking. He felt numb.

"In here? With all of the drugs they give me? I'm rather small." He laughed softly, apologetically.

Giles nodded. "I think that might be good for you, Ethan."

And the man stopped smiling and leaned across the table again. "It was only a joke, Rupert." He whispered. "You didn't have to do this to me."

"You never would have stopped."

Ethan nodded. "That's right but even you must realize this is a bit much, even for me." His eyes crinkled as if he were trying to convey how helpless he was now.

Giles swallowed hard and forced himself to remain resolute. "And if we let you go? What would you do? How long before you went back to your old ways?" He asked.

"And my old ways were so much worse than what these people have done. They may not slice you up here but it's not a picnic."

"You had a chance to rehabilitate."

"No I had a chance to do what they called rehabilitate and I'll be damned before I get lectured on this from you. You're the reason I'm here." He sounded angry now, upset.

"Perhaps if you had stayed in England. . ." Giles said, hackles up.

Ethan snorted and Riley shifted uncomfortably.

"You have no idea what you've done and your horse is getting so high you're loosing oxygen."

Giles glared at him and knew it was true. He didn't know what he had done. "Ethan if you cooperated. . ." He said, struggling to find a way Ethan couldn't twist his words.

"If I got my mind right?" Ethan asked, sharp and biting.

He shrugged, knowing that was just it. "Yes." He whispered.

"Oh, I've got my mind right." Ethan whispered. "And I'm going to get out one day."

"Well it's good to see you haven't lost hope." Riley said dryly.

Ethan gave him another look of dislike. "You were one of the soldier boys who brought me in." He said. "Arrested me. Isn't it nice we're all back together?"

"Not the word I'd pick." Riley said flatly, arms crossed again.

Giles felt as if a brick had settled in his stomach and he looked at Ethan who was angry and backed into a corner. He didn't have anything to bargin with and no powers if he was telling the truth.

He was just a a man and this was no place for a man.

Yet there was nowhere else for him and he had to stay because Ethan Rayne wasn't just a man and he wasn't going to stop.

"I'm sorry you haven't changed your mind." He said, looking at the table between them.

Ethan looked up, looking almost startled. He looked old and Giles didn't like seeing it. Didn't like seeing him this way. It was naked and frightened him of what he himself was aging into. Who ever thought of themselves as old? When he had first met Ethan he had never imagined being this old. Knowing this much. He thought he'd known everything when he was young. He hadn't known a bloody thing.

"Thank you for your help and. . . perhaps we can get him something other than Little House on the Prairie?" He found himself saying. "I think that's a little condescending of the warden." He was done here.

No snort or quip, Ethan looked hopeful and Riley nodded.

"Yeah, he kept his end but no spell books."

Giles nodded and stood, not stopped this time. "Thank you, Ethan." He said again.

Ethan looked surprised and then nodded back. He saw for a flash the boy he'd known, the boy who had captivated him and fascinated him, who had inspired all of his worst behavior and challenged him to do more and then he saw the old man in his drab uniform and grey hair. What the hell happened to you when you got old? You were young and holding the world one second and they you were grey and just helping. Helpless.

"You're going?" Ethan asked, voice quivering.

The pit in Giles's stomach yawned. "Yes." He said, voice dead in the stale room, under the fluorescent light and the electric buzzing, the dull corridors and white walls. . .the world with no sky.

Another faint nod. "Don't forget I'm in here." Ethan whispered and it wasn't snide or mocking. He sounded pitiful and small and Giles left him there, information in hand and guts twisted and raw.

He wasn't going to be forgetting this any time soon.

He looked at Riley and wondered what he would be like when he was their age. Maybe he'd learn to think for himself by then. Maybe he wouldn't make it at all. Too many didn't.

It was still night when they reached the surface and he thought of what Ethan had said.

All monsters, great and small.

Ethan was down there with them and one of them and he was above and under the stars.

All God's monsters.

The world with sky.

The world without.

All choices made and sealed.

They were all repercussion's victims in the end.

#fanfiction #rupert giles #ethan rayne #riley finn #buffy the vampire slayer #tv #fanfic #reunions #angst #old friends #bitterness #prison #post-cannon #the initiative #arguments

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