#find me on my mom’s facebook and insta

[calicocrisis]

my lips slay rn

Lipstick is like painting on the DRYEST SURFACE for me, but it’s still fun

[nowandajenn]

Blue Christmas- chapter 5 (depression and isolation)

Series warnings: angst (like a lot), mentions of infidelity, language, family drama, pregnancy, sexual situations.

Voicemails on Kelly Evans’ cell phone from December 7-11:

“Hey, it’s Allie. Listen, I’m really worried about you. Listen, I don’t know what’s going on, but I just want you to know I’m here for you if you need me. I called Chris when I came in and saw the shop….I didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t say much, just that you guys were going through something. Just please call me back and let me know that you’re okay. Okay, bye.”

“Kelly, it’s Mom (Lisa). I haven’t heard from you in a couple days. I know things are pretty busy at the studio, but just give me a call and let me know you’re okay, alright? I love you sweetheart.”

“Hey, it’s Shanna……so everyone’s been trying to get in touch with you, but you’re not answering. Not to be a stalker, but you haven’t been on Facebook or Insta either, which is telling me that something is wrong. I tried talking to Chris but he’s not saying much. Just that you guys fought and you were taking a breather from everything. Listen, I know my big brother can be a dumbass, but whatever it is, you guys will get through it. Just let someone know you’re still alive.”

“Baby, please pick up your phone. Please, please, please. I need to talk to you. I need to hear your voice. I know none of this is okay. You’re not okay, and I’m not okay. I miss you so much. I just want you to come home. We can fix this. I can fix this, I promise. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back. I love you.”

“Kelly Lynne, it’s your mother. You know, it’s really rude not to return people’s phone calls. I’ve been trying to reach you, and you apparently haven’t checked your messages or you’re just actively ignoring me. I raised you better than that.”

“Kelly, it’s Mom again. So, I finally corned Christopher to try and find out what the HELL is going on, but all I could get out of him was that you were in Boston with Connor and Livie. I don’t know what’s going on, but I know that there’s more to the story here. I’m really worried about you, honey. Will you please just get in touch with one of us? You don’t have to tell anyone what’s going on if you don’t want to…we just want to know that you’re okay.”

“Hey, Sweetie, it’s dad. Your mother and I were wondering if we were going to see you and Chris here on Christmas Eve for dinner. I know you guys are always super busy this time of year, but your old man would love to see you. I love you, pumpkin.”

“Hey…..it’s me……it’s about 4am….baby, I fucked up so bad. I know I did. Please….I feel like I can’t breathe without you here. I’m trying to give you space, but it’s so hard. I just….I want to see you. I want to try and make things right. We can start over. I’ll do anything; everything will be perfect. Just please don’t leave me. I love you, I love you…..just please….please call me back. Please.”

“Kel, it’s Scott. Listen, you’re brother just called me and he sounds freaked out. He said you’re really not doing to good, and he asked me to come over. I’m assuming this has something to do with your fight with Chris……listen, I don’t know what happened, but your brother sounds worried, so I’m on my way over there now. I love you, kid.”

“You want to tell me what the hell is wrong with your sister? I’ve been trying to reach her and she won’t return my calls and I tried calling her shop but it’s closed.”

Connor presses his fingers to the corners of his eyes, trying to stave off a migraine. Our mother could be a force to be reckoned with, and right now, he had bigger things on his plate than dealing with her. 

“Listen, she’s going through a rough time right now. She’s not talking to anyone. She decided to close the shop for a little while so she could take some time for herself.”

“Going through a rough time? What, is living in that beautiful house too hard on her? Her husband paying too much attention to her? I know she and Chris are having issues on the whole baby front, but that’s no reason for her to just shut everyone out and clock out from life. Things don’t work that way.”

Whatever grasp Connor had on his self control snaps. 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, or what’s even going on with her. She’s going through some stuff right now, and she’s allowed to take some time to deal with it. The reason that she hasn’t called you back is probably because she doesn’t need you sitting there, picking her apart and making her feel like shit more than she already does. Now, if that’s everything, I have to go. Bye, mom.”

He grabs his jacket and goes out on the front porch and lights a cigarette as he watches Scott pull into the driveway. Scott gets out of the car and makes his way up to the house, and pulls Connor into a bro hug.

“Hey, man. Thanks for coming. I didn’t know who else to call.”

“It’s not a problem. The whole family is kind of freaking out because nobody has heard from her, and Chris is keeping his mouth shut about everything.” Scott says.

Connor scoffs. “Yeah, I bet he is. Kelly’s been staying here for the past week. Things blew up between her and Chris, and it’s bad. She came back here on Monday afternoon and went in the spare bedroom I set up for her, and she hasn’t come out since.”

“That was four days ago.” 

“I know. Listen, I’ve tried everything I can think of. She won’t come out, she won’t eat, she won’t talk. I’ve been bringing her bottles of Ensure since she won’t eat anything, and I think that’s all she’s been living on. I managed to get her up and in the bathroom to take a hot shower this morning…..I don’t know what to do.” Connor tells him. 

“What the hell happened? Chris won’t tell me anything. The party line is that they had a fight and she fled. Nobody’s heard anything from her. My mom and sisters are freaking out, Chris is a mess. None of this makes any sense.” Scott says. 

Connor hesitates for a second and Scott can tell that he’s trying to decide if he should tell him the truth about what happened. 

“Listen, I don’t want to violate the twin bond and say anything I shouldn’t. If she wants to tell you, she can tell you. I’m really worried about her man. I don’t know if I should take her to the hospital, or what….Livie is really worried…she’s never seen Kelly like this. Neither have I, honestly.”

They head into the house together, and Scott gives Olivia a big hug before heading to the spare bedroom and knocking on the door. 

“Hey, it’s your favorite brother in law. Can I come in?”

When he gets no answer, he gently pushes the door open. I’m laying on my side on the bed, staring out the window, not saying a word. 

“Kelly?” he asks softly. He hesitantly steps towards the bed, and sits down gently next to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. 

“Kelly, can you hear me?”

Tears fall from my eyes as I stare at the grey sky outside the window. It looks like it’s about to snow again. 

“Today’s our anniversary, you know.” the words come out so quiet that Scott can barely hear them. 

“I know.” he says softly, rubbing his hand softly over my back. “I got you guys a present, but you don’t seem like you’re in the mood to celebrate.”

“You might as well take it back. It doesn’t matter anymore.” I whisper. 

Scott toes his shoes off and lays in the bed, spooning me from behind. He just holds me tightly and waits. 

“You didn’t have to come here to check up on me.” 

“Connor called me. He’s worried about you. We all are. He said you haven’t talked to anyone or come out for four days. You haven’t been eating. Have you slept?” 

I shrug as much as I can. 

“A little. Here and there. I keep having bad dreams.” I whisper. 

“Kelly, what happened? I can’t help you if I don’t know the whole story. I know it had to be something big…..this isn’t right. You and Chris don’t fight like this. Ever. Come on, you can talk to me.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and try not to cry. I turn over to face him, the blankets wrapped around me tightly. 

“He slept with someone.” 

Scott pulls back from me, looking me dead in the eyes, searching for some indication that I’m messing with him, even though he knows in his heart that you’re not. Everything starts falling into place, and he has to stop himself from crying. 

“Oh, sweetie……Jesus Christ. I’m so sorry.” he whispers, holding me close to him. 

Scott stays with me for about two hours, just laying in bed with me and holding me close, not pushing me to tell him anything. He just holds me and lets me cry. 

“Will you do me a favor? Will you charge your phone and turn it on for me? Just so if you need me, you can call me. I’ll come running, I promise. I need you to promise me that you’re going to eat something. Even if you don’t want to, you have to try. Okay?”

As soon as Scott leaves, he drives straight to our house in Concord and bangs on the front door until Chris answers it. 

Chris opens the door and Scott pushes past him into the living room. There are beer bottles everywhere, and an empty bottle of Scotch on the coffee table. Dodger is laying in his dog bed, snoozing, unbothered by human problems. 

“What the fuck did you do?” Scott demands.

“Scott-”

“Tell me it isn’t true. Tell me that you did not cheat on your wife.”

Chris looks up at him with bloodshot, teary eyes. 

“I can’t do that.” he chokes out.

Chris is down on the ground before he even knows the punch was thrown. 

“You know her brother called me this morning. He called me to come over and try and talk to her because he was so fucking worried about her. She hasn’t gotten out of bed in four days. She hasn’t eaten, she’s barely slept. I can’t remember ever seeing her look so devastated in all the time that I’ve known her. And that? That’s ON YOU. You did that to her.”

“I fucked up. I know I fucked up. I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know what to do. She won’t talk to me, she won’t answer her phone. I have everyone calling me, asking me what’s going on, where she is, and I can’t tell them. I miss her so fucking much, man. She’s my wife, and she won’t talk to me.”

“Chris, you’re my brother, and I love you…..but I’m going to tell you this right now. Whatever happens, however this ends up going, I’m on her side.” 

Connor hears a car pulling into the driveway, and wonders if Scott came back. He opens the front door and scoffs in disbelief. 

“You’ve got a lot of fucking balls showing up here, Evans.” he says as Chris steps out of the car. 

“I need to see her.” Chris tells him, stepping towards the front door. Connor blocks him and gives him a push in the chest. 

“No, you don’t. Not like this. You’ve done enough. Trust me.”

“You can’t stop me from seeing my own wife!” Chris yells. 

“Like hell I can’t. She’s barely holding it together as it is, and you want to, what, rub salt in the wound?”

Chris moves to get past him to get into the house, and Connor pushes him again, making him stumble down a step or two. 

I’m laying in bed staring out the window when I hear yelling and what sounds like a fight happening outside. I frown, throwing the covers back and wincing at how sore my muscles are. I make my way to the front room and the voices get louder. I pull back the curtain to see what’s going on, and I shake my head in disbelief. 

Chris and Connor are rolling around in the snow covered front lawn, trying to kill each other from the looks of it. I watch as Chris throws a punch at my brother, and he retaliates by putting Chris in a headlock. 

“What the hell is going on?!” I yell, my voice strained and cracked from not talking for four days. 

They both stop fighting at the sound of my voice, and get up, both looking at me. 

“Kelly….” Chris breathes. 

Our eyes meet and my heart feels like it seizes up in my chest. Half of me wants to sob in relief that he’s here in front of me, because I miss him desperately and want nothing more than to be in his arms. The other half of me…..well, that half wants to punch him in the face. I see the bruise forming on his cheek and it seems to me like someone already beat me to it. 

“Are you two serious right now? Fighting on the front lawn in front of the whole damn neighborhood? What are you, twelve?” 

“He started it. Should have known better than to show his cheating fucking face around here.”

“You’re a grown man. Go inside and fucking act like it.” I tell him, pointing towards the house. 

“You can’t be serious. I’m not leaving you alone with him.” 

I turn towards him and grit my teeth. 

“GO.”

He stands there looking like he’s about to fight me on the issue, but he finally concedes, and starts heading into the house, his eyes on Chris the entire time. 

Once Connor is inside and the door is closed, I turn to my husband. 

“What are you doing here, Chris?” 

“Honey, I am so sorry. Please, you have to believe me. I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant to hurt you. I swear to God, on everything I am. I love you so much……I love you more than anything in this world. I can’t breathe without you. Please come home so we can try and fix this. I’ll do anything you want, I promise.”

We’re both quiet for a few minutes, before I finally find it in me to speak.

“You want to know the worst part about all of this?” I look up and meet his blue eyes with my own. “I never even saw it coming. I was blindsided. I’ve never been the jealous, insecure, crazy girlfriend or wife, because you never gave me any reason to be. Even when you were a million miles away from me, on the other side of the world, filming or doing press, or on a movie set with gorgeous women I could never even hope to live up to, I trusted you. I knew that I was yours, and you were mine, and I never had any reason to doubt our relationship or our love or our marriage. And then you come to me, and you tell me that you…….” I suck in a deep breath and wipe the tears away from my eyes. “You made me feel like the world’s biggest sucker. I trusted you. I gave you everything I had, and you just turned around and fucking destroyed me. And as much as I hate it, I still love you, but I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for that. I don’t know if I can ever look at you the same or ever trust you again. And I don’t know where that leaves us.”

“I would give anything in the world to go back in time and undo everything I did. I hate myself so much for hurting you, and breaking your trust. I promised you from the beginning that I would do everything in my power to never hurt you or make you cry, and I failed. And I’m so…..so sorry, I know that probably doesn’t mean much to you, but I am. I miss you so goddamn much that it’s killing me, but it’s nobody’s fault by my own. If you never believe anything else I say, believe me when I say that I’ll never stop loving you, no matter what. You are, and always will be, the other half of my soul.”

Chris pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me, kissing me softly on the top of my head, breathing in the smell of grapefruit and mint from my shampoo. He takes a moment to pull a small black box from his pocket and transfer it to mine without me noticing. 

“You should go inside. It’s cold out here, and I don’t want you getting sick.” he tells me. As much as he doesn’t want to, he lets me go and walks away to get in his car. As I watch him pull out of the driveway and drive away, a sob crawls it’s way up my chest. 

As I walk back to the house, I stick my hands in my pockets to warm them up and stop when my hand curls around a small, velvet box in my left pocket. I pull it out and turn around, realizing Chris must have slipped it in there when we were hugging. I flip the top open hesitantly, revealing a gorgeous six stone diamond journey necklace. 

There’s a small note taped to the inside of the box. 

Happy Anniversary, gorgeous. Love, Chris.

[ventismacchiato]

LMFAOAOA YEA ITS OKAY I THIUGHT I TOLD YOU?/)/$ BUT ANYWAY IF I DIDNT YEA ERM HE JS DISAPPEARED YK 😛 but yes erm NEW MAN HE WANT ME SB (he doesn’t) bro this guy got me turning into a whole ass stalker… 😭😭 (saying this bc i found his instagram and i’ve never found anyone’s instagram) but erm it’s okay ❤️❤️ IM TRYING TO BECOME FRIENDS W HIM slowly but surely.. IM TRYNA INVITE HIM TO MY QUINCEE hopefully i can do that PRAY FOR ME 😭🙏

erm i’m sure someone wants u out there kai if not then i want u ❤️❤️❤️😘

IDK I WASNT ACTIVE THIS SUMMER SO PROLLY NOT BUT OMG ITS OKAY U DESERVE BETTER

if just finding his insta is stalking then what am i i be finding their moms facebook and their sixth grade history projects

OMG UR QUINCEEE I RMBR YES PLS INVITE HIM

omg…🥰🥰 i have no bitches guys

[ritz-writes]

Get to know me tag game! I was tagged by @celestialcrowley

It's a long post so I'll put a cut here <3

Real Name: [REDACTED]

Nickname(s): [REDACTED]

Nickname Origin(s): [REDACTED]

Sorry, I'm not giving out my irl name </3

Preferred Name(s): Call me Ritz!

Ao3: RitzWrites

Social Media(s): I have a Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, Pillowfort, Twitter. The only ones under Ritz tho are ao3, Twitter, pillowfort, and insta, tho I never use the insta.

State: Won't say the state I currently live in (tho i mightve mentioned it in a post somewhere probably) but I grew up in Texas

Birthdate: May 28

Pet(s): Currently have 7 cats and 1 dog in my house. One cat is specifically mine

Hobbies: Writing, reading, drawing, watching youtube, screaming about my fandoms

Personality: I'm the sunshine character, but I swear a lot. Also if you wrong my friends I feel it personally and will be very angy. I'm very open minded and won't make an opinion on smth until I get all the facts. I want to be friends with everyone but the gods nerfed me with social anxiety ;w;

Favorite Holiday(s): Christmas has always been special to me and give me Nice emotions. Halloween is also good tho.

Favorite Drink(s): Kiddo me would have an aneurysm when she finds out I like vanilla lattes. She swore up and down she'd never like coffee lmao. I also love strawberry milk and sprite.

Favorite Food(s): Pizza, donuts, sirloin, airheads candy, beef stroganoff

Favorite Dessert(s): Cookies and cream ice cream, cookies, brownies

Favorite Color(s): Pink!! I tried changing it when I was younger cuz I didn't want to be the stereotypical girl," but I've always loved pink. Gold is also nice, as well as pastel colors in general.

Favorite Quote(s): "New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings," -Lao Tzu

Favorite Book(s): The Enhanced series by T.C. Edge (I haven't finished reading it tho)

Favorite TV Show(s): Good Omens, Lego Monkie Kid, 2003 Ninja Turtles, Transformers Prime, Batman The Animated Series

Favorite Movie(s): Ocean's 8, Black Panther, The Martian, John Wick

Favorite Character(s): Crowley, Aziraphale, Muriel, MK, Wukong, Macaque, Tang, Jason Todd, Peter Parker, Tony Stark

Favorite Actor(s): David Tennant, Michael Sheen, Tom Holland, Zendaya, Robert Downey Jr.

Favorite Song(s): There's so many, but I'll list a few. Last One Standing by Icon for Hire. Ohio by Bowling for Soup. Rich and the Famous by Good Charlotte. and literally anything by set it off cuz they r my fav band

Favorite Music Genre(s): Pop Punk. Or what some ppl r now calling divorced dad rock

Favorite Podcast(s): I haven't listened to it in a hot minute, but My Brother My Brother and Me

Have You Ever Met A Celebrity: I met some YouTubers at a convention once, but I don't watch the channel anymore

Have You Ever Been To A Concert: Yeah. To see Fall Out Boy. It was outside and I had no water. Was fun tho

Do You Collect Anything: Braincells. I keep losing them tho (no I dont collect anything)

Do You Have Any Idols: Uhhhh I'm not sure. I have ppl I think are cool? I guess you could say my mom is my idol?

Is There A Real Life Friend You Can Completely Be Yourself With: My partner @novelcain <33

What Are Your Interests: Anything I end up hyperfixating on. So right now its Good Omens. Once s5 of Lego Monkie Kid comes out tho, I know that's where my brain will be. I also love graphic design, but I haven't been able to do it in ages.

Where Would You Love To Travel To: Maybe Scotland? Or Italy? I wanna go to Japan some day too.

Is There A Random Fact About Yourself That You’d Like To Share: I have binocular double vision, which means I see two things :) My glasses help a bit with that issue

tags: anyone who wants to do it

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

27 Jan 2023, 11:53pm

I've been writing and rewriting my letters to you constantly for the last month. I feel like I'm at a loss for words and I don't know how to put everything together.

I think the easiest way would just be to do a bunch of bullet points detailing the time period from my last letter to now and then go about writing my letter as usual. This will be a long letter so buckle up, here's to catch you up:

- polof and I broke it off, we just weren't working together well

- I'm moving to an island with my family within the next year

- I might be getting my own apartment

- college has been put on hold for 2 months

- I dated someone for three months and then we broke up earlier this month

- I'm using psychedelics almost weekly now

- I hooked up with a guy I'd been interested in for around a year

- I'm turning 18 in a few days

- I'm doing reasonably well mentally? I think?

- frost came back

now that that's out of the way. I don't know if I ever mentioned Frost. he was my best friend, my partner in crime and someone I loved probably more than anyone else.

Frost and I were extremely close, we never left each other's side. we knew every single thing about each other, no secrets were ever kept. however back in early 2020, frosts mom died. he got sent to live with his aunt and from there things just went downhill.

within a month, frost got sent away to a rehab. Before he left, he promised me he'd find me again and come back, he said he'd only be gone for 3 months and then after that we could talk again. I got the details to the place he went to and his aunts details just in case.

I waited Charlie, how could I not?

3 months passed and I couldn't get hold of him. 4 months and I start messaging his aunt.

His aunt told me he was alright, let me know what's happening and what he's doing and overall she was decent but I never liked her. I consistently asked to get a vn from frost or just for her to tell him I said hi and she'd always make an excuse or say she would and then stop responding.

4 months turned to 8, 8 months turned to a year, 1 year turned to 2 years.

at this point I'd just convinced myself frost was dead and no one wanted to tell me. they wanted to play a sick joke and see how long I'd wait for him to come back.

then one day, I get a message from his aunt, she details how frost told her he wants nothing to do with me anymore. she said he hated me and never wanted me in his life again and that I was the cause of all the shit he's going through. she said I must just suck it up and never contact her or frost ever again because they wanted nothing to do with me. I never believed her.

I told her the minute I heard it from frost himself, I'd respect it and leave. she refused and then threatened to call the cops on me. I then got blocked.

this all happened at the beginning of 2022 Charlie, after that incident I just presumed frost was dead and left it at that.

Honestly even if he wasn't dead, I didn't want to think for a second that he chose to leave me behind. I never heard from his aunt again

During 2022, I tried everything to find him. I contacted his old friends, I looked on Facebook, tried to find schools he could be in, checked the rehabs insta daily yet I found nothing. towards July, I just gave up hope entirely.

I left it, I thought about him probably every second day, I missed him but that was it. it's fine just because he was dead right? he never left me, he promised he'd never leave, he was just dead. Until recently.

a few days ago, I went out to a club, I was having a few drinks when I get a call from my younger brother, I walk out the club and answer and talk to him for a bit on the phone and eventually I end the call. as I end the call, I get a message request on insta. it was a message request from frost.

Charlie, if I say i did anything less but burst into tears, it'd be an understatement.

I just cried and cried and cried. eventually the shooter girl at the club came out to check on me and all I could do was cry.

he came back for me Charlie

In his messages he spoke about how he looked for me and eventually found me, how he thought of me everyday when he was gone and how his aunt was the one who stopped our contact while he was there, he also said something really special to me

He told me he'd never found anyone but me who he shared the same kind of spark with.

He told me that he loves me and that he'll grow old with me.

i genuinely think he's my soulmate. we've been talking for the last week and it's like nothing changed, he's like this massive safety blanket.

I'm so glad he's back Charlie. I'm so glad I finally have him again

anyways, I'm sorry for the extensive letter. I hope you and everyone else is doing well.

love,

GB

[nx08h63bitchyobservationnerd]

nxxn indian

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[beeapartments]

made it home on saturday! not the best flying experience but it is over, yay.

Trying intuniv again + biotene (dry mouth stuff) my mom happened to have, because she always has everything somehow.

Been working on advertising myself somewhat on blue sky since it seems people might finally try to escape twitter. Still not sure it will last but something has to give there eventually. but means I haven't been here as much the last couple of weeks as i'm not good at focusing on a bunch of different social media at once.

meanwhile i'm thinking about my username situation because i use my real name a lot and lately I'm less excited by doing that. I kind of want to use beeapartments elsewhere, but i would have to decide if i care about people finding my tumblr. (it's likely i care about such things too much)

definitely not on insta though. i use my name there too but that account is more like facebook 2 because both family and coworkers follow me on it. so i kind of want another name there for just art (i wonder if instagram is worth the effort).

[justaboyinlove21]

As I lay here wondering about my life and the half done piano I have to make for Wednesday, I consider the mistakes I've made these last 9 months.

The guy I was with had his sweet moments. And I crushed him by talking to other guys on the apps. I had doubts creep into my brain. Honestly, I wish I had just been real and just ended when my doubts popped up. I just didn't wanna lose him.

That's my problem and why I'm scared about ending up like my mom. It's sacrificing pieces of myself to keep a relationship going. I don't put that on him. It's on me.

I've always had this complex regarding my sexuality. I get viewed as a slut (derogatory) and then everything shifts. When my sister outed me, she did it after going through my messages on Facebook and was extra angry at me for having sex. She didn't call me a slut, but she acted like I was bedding 15 guys in one week at 17 and didnt let me head the end of it. Idk if that's trauma or not, but I get those same feelings when I feel like I'm being looked at like a slut (derogatory).

For as good as he was to me, he had messed up views about me being a slut. He lived for it but didn't like it displayed after we were together. I stopped posting sexy pics on insta and Twitter because it led to an awkward fight about me showing my body to other people and made the pics I sent to him less special. He had a problem with me following OF creators because it was cheating to pay for porn. I could barely talk to guys because he would get jealous and ask if I was being good.

The double standard was that he could display my entire ass on his insta story and Twitter, but I couldn't. And that bothered me, but I let it go. That's my problem--red flag there, but I just made it pink.

I'm not a Saint. I did what I did. I never did the act, but idk if I would have followed through or not. In reality, it was messages. Still terrible in any capacity.

He asked me yesterday if I hated him. I don't, but after threatening to leak my nudes to my job, trying to ruin my friendship with my friend of 10 years and messaging my sister and mentioning the baby my sister takes care of, I know I should. I can't. I love the person he was, but I don't deserve more punishment. I don't deserve him trying to torpedo my life.

I wish a lot of things were different. But again here we are. I hope he can find peace and I can feel less disgusted with myself.

[blackvail22]

9/25/23

10:25am -

i just had my first appointment with my new psychiatrist? i think thats the word. i got diagnosed with BED (binge eating disorder), and ive been saying for YEARS that i had it, and no one would help me. its been 9 years since i first went to a doctor and told them about my eating habits; they didnt help me. i had an obvious ed, and im glad im finally getting the help i need.

my relationship with food is severely complicated. im obsessed with my weight and the calories im intaking, but i cant stop... binging. and the fact i have fat on my body makes me want to throw up, nd every time i notice it, it makes me feel like my insides are being scratched over and over. my fear of purging is the only reason i dont...

a month ago, i was talking with my counselor, and she asked me if ive ever been screened for adhd. i told her no, but i can tell her yes!! my new doctor did a screening thing for adhd, and i have it. shes referring me to somewhere to get a more in-depth test to see what type of adhd and the severeity of it.

i told my mom all of this, and she seemed upset. i dont understand? shes been so rude to me lately... i mean, she always is.. but it feels like she changed? shes so bitter, and shes being like homophobic 😭😭 out of nowhere LIKE WHAT PROMPTED U TO BE LIKE THIS? i SWEAR on everything, being a chronic facebook user ruined her. she wasnt like this before facebook LMAOO shes so sad. but, all well!

im going to try my best to clean my room again. i NEED to get my shit together!! its so embarrassing how messy it is. i have to focus on doing it. i have to do it today; i have no choice!!

10:17pm

news flash: i didnt clean my room. whos surprised? im going to try and get it together before i go to bed because i have to... i have or else ill feel like im letting my boyfriend down lol

yk idk why but being friends and flirting w somsone is so much different than dating them. its insane!

i didnt mention this before but im being put on a different medication that targets bed and adhd and it also helps depression. i have to do a bunch of testing before i take it, though, because its a controlled substance

im afraid of facing my past. i know that i was a fucked up kid, but seeing HOW fucked up i am is... terrifying. like i read through a few of my old roblox messages and woah!!! i was living a double life, holy shit! obvi... i used a fake name, fake age, and some of the stories i would tell belonged to my sister. ill forever be regretful for the way i was back then... it makes me think, though... did i ever really change?

i had this girlfriend named .... lets call her juju. she lived on the other side of my country, and we met because we both ran fan accts for a youtuber on insta. i became ... obsessive? quickly. i feel sorry for her, but i was 12 and she was nearly 16, so... she easily couldve cut me off once she found out my age lmao. idk, i kept trying to find ways for her and i to meet in person because i was so excited to meet her online. she broke up with me, and i made another instagram and pretended to be someone else for a while.... aka i catfished her. i didnt show her photos of anyone else, just used the name "katrina" like i used to. i got her to talk abt her exes and then she talked abt how she recently broke up w someone and how crazy they were. i knew then that my behavior wasnt normal. i didnt understand the boundaries i was crossing.

am i all that different now? i used his snap maps to see when he's at his dad and when hes at his moms or at school. when i planned on moving down there, i looked for apartments that were nearby his primary home. i attenpted to make an acct to pretend i was someone else and see if he would lie to me abt info abt his life. i didnt finish it.... i got like the ick from myself and was thinking abt how crazy i was.

i try my best to not be ... stalker-like. i wouldnt follow someone throughout their day to see where they are, who theyre with. i wouldnt use it to harm him, and if he didnt want to see me or talk to me, i wouldnt force him to by showing up to his house or texting him off the number i give to weirdos.

im getting tired. its 10:37p now, and i keep like closing my eyes every once and awhile inbetween sections.

i think the last thing i feel i need to rant abt is how i told my dad i have binge eating disorder and for dinner when i told him i didnt care what he got me, HE GOT ME FOOD FOR A FAMILY OF 4. he looked me in the eyes and said, "two cheeseburgers, 16 chicken nuggets, 10 cheese sticks, and a milkshake incase u get hungry later" when he KNOWS i have a habit of eating a lot of food in one sitting.

i feel gross from how much i ate today, and im still wanting to eat more.

being told "u can reverse everything thats wrong w you if u just lost weight!" and then having those same people ENFORCE ur unhealthy eating habits is insane

like, do u rlly want to help me? or do u want to just berate me for the hell of it?

okie song song time

this song is so ... relateable. typical pop song but its so good 2 me

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #174

The last time you ate leftovers, what was it that you were eating? Uhhhh maybe pizza?

What is your favorite board that you've made on Pinterest? there's zero fucking way i have a board that's just pictures of 50-60-y/o band members hell no no way

Do you get on Facebook or Instagram more? I CHECK Insta more, but I'm scrolling Facebook longer.

What was the last thing you ate or drank that was blue raspberry-flavored? Mountain Dew Voltage, but it's actually been quite a while since I had that one specifically, they're apparently really rare now and people are selling them for a fortune lol

What is one annoying thing your computer does? I hate when it randomly restarts over some error. It doesn't happen often, it's just annoying when it does.

What was the last song you listened to? "Black Wedding" by In This Moment & Rob Halford.

Have you discovered any new hobbies in the past couple months? No. It's seldom I discover new hobbies, honestly...

What's the wildest animal you've ever come in contact with? Well, define "contact;" I can read this as the wildest animal I've physically touched or just seen, and "wildest" can be taken in more than one way. The most surprising animal I've physically touched was a tarantula I guess, but the animal I've been most surprised to see in the wild was a mink, I think, and I didn't even get a good look at it. I'm not including zoo animals in this.

Do you trust your doctor? I trust my primary care physician, even though him being a man makes me slightly uncomfortable; he's a good doctor though that I've been with a good while so it's fine. I don't really have a relationship with my psychiatrist or worst of all therapist, honestly... Both my mom and I really hate the place I have to go to for insurance reasons, but I need SOMEbody in this department so we have no choice.

Do you ever question if your mother loves you? Absofuckinglutely not, I know she loves me with her whole heart and I consider myself unbelievably lucky to have that going for me.

Do you ever feel scared or unsafe around your dad? Not... really anymore, but at the same time, due to past experiences but also horrific nightmares about him, I can sometimes be uneasy if I'm with him and just him, even though I do know in my core he's no threat to me, got a pretty good feeling he'd protect me with his life. Maybe.

What is your favorite type of Lunchables? Absolutely nothing beats the nachos one.

Do you have someone you feel completely safe around? My mom and Girt.

What church do you go to? I don't attend church.

Are any of your siblings' friends like family to you? Basically yeah, in Allison's case. She's my younger sister's best friend/former housemate, and she's involved in some family events, like Ashley's kids' bdays. She was Ryder's very first crush lol, it's still a joke in the family how in love with her he's always been.

Do you have any friends who you exchange memes with? Lol Girt and I do this ALL the time, this is daily shit. Occasionally I will with Tez and Mazzy.

What was the last photo you took? It was Cookie all curled up looking cute as shit on Girt, she loves him. I could tell she was so ready for bed, lol.

Are you in any Discord servers? How often do you use them? I'm a member of literally one, the WoW Secret Finding Discord, but I haven't even clicked on its tab for like, years. I'm just in it if I ever feel like rare mount hunting with help.

Have you ever had to see an emergency vet after hours? Hmmm, I don't THINK so.

When was the last time you sat under a blanket on a couch? A few days ago with Girt.

Can you bite into ice cream or are your teeth too sensitive? I can now that I've had that one wisdom tooth with a really severe cavity taken out. It made nearby teeth agonizingly sensitive; the wisdom tooth itself didn't hurt, but apparently cavities that severe can radiate pain into other teeth, and holy fucking shit did it.

Do you like snowy winter days or do you prefer rainy days? I like snow much more! We don't get it all that much here, we often have a year without any, so I really enjoy it when it happens.

Do you know anyone who doesn't have a middle name? My boyfriend, but I'm pretty sure it's because he's a junior. His sister has a middle name, so.

What was the last thing you complained about? Probably cravings, it's that time of the month and I get really annoyed when my body desperately wants shit it doesn't need.

What celebrity irritates you the most? Elon Musk is up there, he's such a fucking arrogant asshole. I don't think there's one celebrity in specific that I REALLY hate though, the ones that annoy me in general are billionaires that do nothing beneficial for the world and instead hoard wealth. Actually wait, Donald Trump is 200% the top celebrity that I despise, like I would literally have given my life for this shithead to never have been in a position of influence. I like to forget he exists & kinda just did lmfao.

Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through? On my 16th birthday, yes; I was at Jason's place, and his dad was a ginormous Giants fan, so I sat out in the living room with the family. I had zero interest in it and was definitely bored, but I was just happy to be involved with my then-boyfriend's family.

Would you like to know the exact date of your death? Absolutely not.

What's on your to-do list for today? Nothing, really. I'm incredibly tired.

Do you know anyone who's been bitten by a snake? I might, idk.

Are you excited for Halloween? I always am, haha. Even if I don't really do anything anymore, I enjoy the vibe. I'd like to maybe do something with Girt this year though, like maybe a haunted hayride or something.

What makes you smile or laugh no matter what? My boyfriend for sure, it really doesn't matter what mood I'm in, he can get both out of me like it's nothing.

Do you prefer strawberries or cherries? Strawberries by far, they're my favorite fruit, meanwhile I despise cherries.

Biggest insecurity? My weight.

Have you ever had braces? Yes, I did for a longer time than I should've because we couldn't afford to get them off so some teeth on my bottom row overcorrected a tiny bit.

Do you feel awkward using public transportation? I certainly would if I actually took it; I don't take taxis, buses, trains, etc.; the only experience I've had with public transportation were plane rides, and I do in fact feel very uncomfortable walking down the aisle to get to my seat. Well I actually did take an Uber for the first time ever with my mom recently, but that's one, single, very brief experience in all of 27 years.

Describe your mom with one word. Selfless. To a fault.

Would you rather bake a cake or cookies? Cookies seem a lot easier.

What curse word do you use most? Almost certainly "fuck" of some form.

Were you always one of those kids who got in trouble with everyone around? No, I very rarely caused trouble as a kid.

When was the last time you took a nap? Did it relax you any? Today actually, and yes. I initially woke up too early.

Honestly, do you see yourself as a slut? Not at all; I am extremely selective with who I'm even remotely sexual with, but I also don't slutshame. Consenting adults can do whatever the hell they want with other consenting adults that are informed about any issues you may carry. I also aggressively encourage you be upfront about your goals relationship-wise; don't want something serious? Say it immediately. Not into only sole partnerships? Say it, immediately. You get it. Be honest and real about what you want.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? Yeah.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever been through? The traumatic breakup of my first real relationship.

Do you like fast food or does it disgust you? Dude I'ma be real, fast food is some of my favorite stuff lol, I know that's an extremely unpopular opinion, but whatever. I still certainly avoid it though just for health reasons; I'd say we get someone out maybe just once a week.

Who was the last person you kissed? Girt.

What’s your favourite alcoholic drink? Sangrias.

Do you like the smell of BBQs? I actually really do, even though I dislike the food at most barbeques. Hamburgers and hotdogs are fine, but barbeque chicken, pulled pork, and stuff like that is where I'm out. Southern barbeques ain't for me.

Do you crash on people’s sofas often? Uh no, I've never done that.

Do wasps scare you? Yes, I really don't like how aggressive they are, and that stinger is too long okay.

Have you ever worn flip flops in the snow? lol sure have, but never in even remotely heavy snow. It was only ever to like, leave the house and get in the car though; I wouldn't wear flipflops for an extended period in snow.

Has anyone ever told you that you & your significant other could be siblings? Have they ever assumed you were siblings? Not my current one, no; we look pretty different. It was a joke with my mom that Sara and I were basically twins when we dated, but I don't think anyone ever actually thought we were.

Have you ever heard people having sex in the next room? Pretty positive yes. It was in the apartment when just me, Jacob, and Amanda were home, Jason was probably at work I guess, and from the living room couch I heard Things happening behind me lol

Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No, I absolutely fucking despise them and their whole premise.

Have you ever lost your voice? Yeah, most recently when I had Covid some time last year. My voice was gone for quite a long time.

Museum date or aquarium date? Aquarium.

Did you ever have an emo or scene phase? Haha you know it.

Name a subject you know a lot about. I probably know most about meerkats, or Silent Hill stuff.

Most embarrassing poster you’ve ever owned? I don't think I've had one I'd be embarrassed by.

Could you see yourself having a child with the last person you kissed? Yeah I could, but it's not something we want to do in the foreseeable future.

Who is your favorite person to have random conversations with? Girt, I love learning new stuff about him.

Who was the last person to make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable? My mom, literally like an hour ago. She said something not realizing the topic is one I'm self-conscious about. I was really upset over it for a few minutes.

What are you known for? Most likely as the lazy deadbeat kid.

Which of the guys you’ve been interested in hurt you the most? Idk if I've mentioned a "Jason" before in these????????????

Do you know anyone who is engaged? Yes, my high school friend Kelly recently got engaged to her long-time boyfriend, and I'm stoked for her. She's been so in love with this guy and she deserves the world.

What is your relationship status on Facebook? In a relationship with Girt, but pending after nearly two years lmao. It's not something he hides or anything, he just barely touches Facebook and by now the notification would be buried under like, hundreds of others, because at some point he ticked some setting that notified him when I merely post anything, and with how much shit I share, he's never finding it lol. I would only be bothered by this if it wasn't for the fact his behavior fully shows we're together, and how he acts toward me doesn't change in front of others.

What are you listening to? I'm watching/listening to WoolieVS' LP of Dark Souls.

What was the last thing you looked up on Google? What a mudslide drink is, actually for that earlier question. I had something like that at Sara's place years ago and it was fuckin magical lol, but I never asked what exactly it was, but that one seems the most likely.

Ever been kissed on the leg? Uh maybe? I can't remember a specific occasion though.

Last person to hear you cry? Either Mom or Girt probably, idk.

What do you think of the term plus-sized in modeling? Is it empowering or demeaning? It's demeaning as fuck; modeling is modeling. By adding the descriptor of "plus-sized," you're indebatably making it sound like the person isn't a real, ideal model.

Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? Absolutely not entirely on my own, no. By now I really want to live with Girt, but without a source of income, I'd be very uncomfortable relying on him, even though he's told me he doesn't care. I care. I already fucking hate relying on the person that gave birth to me.

Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No, not that I know of.

Are you friends with someone who’s autistic? My niece is, and I'm fucking finally getting evaluated for it myself at the end of this month. I, along with my mother and others that have watched me grow up, are very confident I have high-functioning Asperger's.

Have you ever had a Bic Mac? No, I'm not into lettuce on burgers, so it's a no by default.

Have you ever been to a convention? (comic, YouTube, etc.) I went to a reptile one/NARBC with Sara once, and I loved it, even though I struggled quite badly with my legs. I'd love love love to go to another, once my legs are a little bit better!

What is the biggest difference between you and your best friend? I'm way more emotional, while Girt is a very practical person. He has emotions, I've seen them, but he's much more in control of them than I am.

[sluggmuffin]

OH MY GOD I HAVE AN UPDATE

U GUYS I SAW HIM AGAIN. SO HIS NAME IS JAIDEN, STILL TRYING RO FIND OUT HIS LAST NAME BUT WE WENT TO THE POOL AND I SAW HIM BUT I QAS W MY BROTHERS SO I NEEDED TO FIND A WAY TO TALK TO HIM WITHOUT BEING OBVIOUS, AND SO I WAS WALKING INTO THR POOL AND SAW HIS MOM AND SHE WAS LIKE "OH HEY!" AND I WAS LIKE "HEY DID U GUYS END UP GOING TO (PLACE NEAR HOTEL)?" SO COULD TALK TO HER AND MAYBE HER SON WPULD COME OVER, SO AFTER A WHILE MY PARENYS CAME OVER BUT SO DID HE AND HE WOULD TALK TO ME ABT THE PLACE CLOSE TO OUR RESORT AND THIS TRAM THAT WE TOOK TODAY. AND THEN HE ASKED IF IVE EVER BEEN TO AZ AND I WAS LIKE YEAH AND THEN HE ASKED IF IVE BEEN TO THE GRAND CANYON ANXI WAS LIKE "YES IT WAS SO GORGEOUS" SO HE TALKED TO ME ABT HOW HES ALWAYS WANTED TO VISIT THE GRABD CANYON AND SOME OTHER STUFF LIKE THAT, BUT MY PARENTS WERE THERE SO I COULDNT ASK FOR ANYTHING swear if I don't see him th I'm going to kms bc I' literally leaving tmRW morning. Anyways imma ask my mom if she knows the lady's last name bc they were talking a bunch so maybe I can find him. anyways he's so cute and like ACtually gorgeous. Like genuinely gorgeous. And he has the cutest smile ever and he kept smiling at me omi I almost stopped breathing. (Yesterday)

bruh okay so literally imma kms cuz when Iwas gonna go up to him alone in the jacuzzi some girls went in and started talking to him so ofc I'm not gonna go over, but literally he and I kept making eye contact (I'm also blind so maybe he was looking past me) and oml when I tell u this man's smile 😍😍 Anyways so odds are I'm not gonna see him, but literally his mom gave my mom her number and they're like besties now so ig our families are gonna keep in touch?? idk but I also couldn't figure out his last name but it's ok bc he was talking to ME about similar interests that WE have in common. Anyways he's from Across the Country so It's ok tho bc I will find him or his mom on insta just watch me. (Yesterday, but later)

AMEN HIS FAMILY IS RELIGIOUS!! MY MOM IS ON HIS MOMS FACEBOOK LISTENINF TO HER TESTIMONY/STORY AND THEYRE RELIGIOUS. Maybe my mom will change her mind on me dating (highly unlikely but still he's religious so!!) MY family us so religious and the fact he is literally me but a giy is insane. (today)

I FOUND HIS MOMS FB AND HIS INSTA, AND IMMA FOLLOW HIM SOON I JUST NEED TO DELETE THE STORIES I POSTED ABT FINDING HIM AND YEAH

I saw THE cutest guy at the pool today. So we had gone to the pool and automatically I see this guy and he's SOOOO FINE. And then a little while later when I've finished tanning I decide to go inside the pool w my brother's, but then I notice my mom talking to this lady, and this lady points out the guy as her youngest son. So obviously I try to hear the convo bc my mom mentioned me, and started talking abt me doing drama. So I walk over to see whats going on and my mom tells me this guy did commercials. And so I'm like "oh cool I love those kinds of things" (acting/being on tv) and then the guy makes his way over to where we are seated and he starts talking abt how he played Prince Eric in The Little Mermaid for a local play, (lucky ariel) and so the lady brings up the fact I've gotten 2 lead roles in the past yea (bc my mom told her) SO THE GUY COMES TO ME AND STARTD ASKING ME ABOUT THEM, AND WE HAVE A GOOD CONVO ON IT AND HOW HE WANTS TO BE AN ACTOR (LIKE ME) AND DOES DRAMA (LIKE ME) TO GET BETTER. Anyways so we talked about that for a bit and he asked me WHAT GRADE I WAS IN and I was like "oh *grade*" and HES LIKE "cool imma be a *1 grade above mine*" THE GRADES TOUCH GUYS. And so his mom asked me how old I was and I said *my age*, and she was like "Oh he's *1 yr older than me*!!" AND THE AGES TOUCH TOO I FINALLY FOUND A NON OLDER GUY!!! And so idk how we got to the fact that we were Mexican, and he's like "Oh I'm half ecuadorian" so we talk about how stupid learning proper Spanish is (like alberca/piscina, miel/jarabe, etc.) and WE TALKED FOR A LONG TIME AND OML HE WAS SO CUTE EVEN MY MOM SAID SO. So anyways we talked (omg I finally did it guys I talked to a guy irl) and we kept like smiling at eachother and we have so much in common and he kept bringing that up. Anyways idk if his name is caden or jaden or something like that cuz that's what I picked up on but I'm not 100% sure, but he's staying at my hotel until Thursday (the same day we are) AND my mom was talking to the lady abt how she wants to go to this place about 1hr 30mins away from our hotel and she's trying to convince my dad, and my mom joked that we would judt go with her and the guy SMILED. But anyways I found my new man and we have so much in common and he's actually cute and not like the other guys in the past, AND HE WISHED ME LUCK ON MY UPCOMING LEAD ROLE. Anyways.

[kitchenwitchupinthisbitch]

Personal

So I have a social media stalker now 😂😂😂

This mom in a crunchy group I help MODMINon Facebook always loves to argue with me. This time it's bc I said to tik toc videos need to be taken with a grain of salt bc they are often satire or spoofs and a lot of the videos about so-called covid vaxx side effects are exactly that. Spoofs or satire. Then I mentioned the ones where people say they're becoming magnetic.

This mom was like "How dare you discount their experiences! You're so rude! Do you know how magnets and sebum work? This woman stuck a knife to herself and it stuck."

Ok first of all, steel doesn't have magnetic qualities secondly, I DO know how sebum works bc as many of y'all know, I make cosmetics and bath/body products.

So I confered with the other MODMINS and told her I'd block her bc she's always derailing posts to argue with me. Come to find out, she was stalking my insta!! She said I posted stuff making fun of members of the group and encouraged people to block me. I never did that. Unless you count making fun of the idea of magnetized people making fun of people in the group (she was the only one making these claims about magnetism) and I can still see that she's watching my stories.

It's like she hate watches my insta now like she has nothing better to do 🙄🤣🤣🤣

BTW, The animosity started bc I said that I vaxxed my kid and she insinuated that I was stupid for trusting Drs and a bad parent for vaxxing my kid. I'm never crunchy enough 🤷🏽‍♀️

[yuribeam]

a guy charged us at the end of the protest and got up in my face yelling about the Israeli hostages, but Mr. Misinformation was escorted away after a minute or two. the girls next to me were asking what he said and one of them had filmed so I gave her the bracelet and she was very happy.

I am enjoying making the bracelets bc it gives me a way to occupy my hands but keep my mind on it while I'm watching news, videos, and documentaries about Palestine, it's kinda meditative. I just watched this Youtuber's travel series and someone at the protest recommended Born in Gaza on Netflix which I will watch next

I only noticed one other guy yelling at us from below and far away as the march crossed a bridge and I yelled back but trying not to get too aggressive I ended up saying I'm gonna steal your dog, bitch before starting up the chants again which was very silly and objectively unhelpful but it made the Muslim girls behind me who I had been chatting with laugh for a while :-)

I was handing out flyers about the e-sim initiative to pedestrians during the march and there were a lot of high school kids who were really receptive and hype for us. I gave one to Santa, not sure his take on it. I helped a guy hide behind my sign and cover up his face as we passed his employer. I passed a mom explaining to her small children who were asking questions about the protest and she was saying that we were all there to make sure people didn't get hurt anymore. It always makes my heart ache to see the little ones there but the parents are so great

There were a lot of great speakers. A Palestinian feminist talked about the dehumanization and racist mischaracterization of Palestinian men. One woman read a very long kind of narrative rhyming poem that covered just about everything about the situation in Palestine and I wish I had recorded some because I was unable to find her again and ask if it was published somewhere. I know that's very vague but if anyone knows what I might be talking about I would appreciate a message

I had to stick around in the plaza until everyone had left because I was waiting for a ride and there were no further incidents. talked to some organizers, got info about more events. one said they'd seen me around before which is a bit gratifying ngl. got some tofu takeout, and another one down 👍

I've heard lots of people saying that they only find out about events after they happen, so pls turn on notifications for your local organizer pages like PSL and JVP chapters and text ur irls! I really wish Insta and/or Twitter or Discord had calendar tools for accounts you follow to put events in, nobody consistently uses facebook

makin bracelets on the bus, what a throwback

[gansey-just-gansey]

The Princess and the Half Bloods part seven

They drove to Leo’s house first. When they pulled up, the garage door was open, showing an old car and a pair of legs sticking out from underneath it. Percy rolled the window down.

“Hey Ms. Valdez. Is Leo even awake yet?” Percy called out.

“Yes, I just saw him eating.” A woman emerged from the depths of the car, t-shirt and jeans splattered with oil and grease. “Leo!” she yelled. “Percy y una chica estan aqui! Ven aqui!”

“Yo se, Mama. I heard them pull up,” Leo said, appearing in the doorway to the house. “Estamos ir a la casa de Jason. Don’t wait up, okay?”

“Toma tu tarea, por favor. I don’t want you to fall behind, mijo.”

“Si, Mama,” he sighed, shoving his backpack into the backseat ahead of him. “Let’s get out of here before she starts looking up what schoolwork I’m missing and makes me play catch up on that, too.” Percy pulled out of the driveway with a wave at Ms. Valdez.

“Do you have homework you need to get done?” Annabeth asked.

“Yeah, but it’s not important. We practice pretty much the whole day so I won’t even have time to do it, were I inclined to.”

“I promised Chiron I would keep you guys on track with school. You can’t fail and get grounded and miss a night at The Big House.”

“Well Saturdays are off limits, we definitely have to keep up with our practices,” Percy interjected. “And Sundays are usually working on developing songs.”

“When do you typically do homework then?”

Percy and Leo shared a look in the rearview mirror. “Whenever I have the spare time,” Percy said with a shrug.

“I see. So you just don’t, right?” she asked, exasperated.

“Not usually, no,” he admitted.

Annabeth sighed. “Piper, Hazel, and Frank meet up with me on Tuesdays so we can work on our homework together. I’ll help with anything you need. We usually go to a coffee shop but all seven of us would take up a lot of room. I’ll have to talk to Piper about letting us use her house instead.”

“If we have to study, a tricked out mansion isn’t a bad place to do it in,” Leo said, perking up.

Annabeth rolled her eyes. “So how long does practice last?”

“You’ll be getting home pretty late, if that’s okay with you. The garage has been soundproofed after a lot of complaints from Jason’s neighbors, so we can practice well into the night without having to worry about keeping anyone up,” Percy explained.

“That’s fine with me, I don’t think my dad is expecting me back for dinner anyway.”

They pulled up to the Grace house, parking behind the van on the street. Jason came out to meet them as they got out.

“Hey guys, girl,” he said, nodding to Annabeth.

“Unlock the van, I need to make sure my baby remains unscathed,” Leo called, pulling on the back door of the vehicle.

“Your girlfriend is just fine, Leo,” Jason said, but pulled out his keys and unlocked the doors anyway. Leo started checking over his drum set. “Everything is all set up for practice, just gotta get the drums in there.”

“Cool,” Percy said. He went around to the trunk of his car and grabbed his guitar. “We’re going to do a playthrough of all our songs and covers for Annabeth today.”

“Sounds like a plan. Mom is out for the day, possibly the night. Either way, I doubt we’ll see her.” It was only a little bitter. Annabeth wondered at the relationship there, but didn’t feel it would be appropriate for her to ask.

She followed Percy and Jason into the garage, leaving Leo to struggle with the drum set on his own after he insisted she let him carry it himself. The other two started checking that their guitars were tuned while they waited. Annabeth booted up her laptop and started setting up a YouTube channel for them. She created a new email for the band and used it to make the account.

Piper texted her while Leo was finishing putting up the drums: Are you awake? The band was a hit, obviously.

Yeah, she sent back. I’m at their practice right now. Setting up social media for them before they start at the bar.

The reply came almost immediately. Without me???? Annabeth chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” Percy inquired.

“Piper. Hey, is it cool if she comes and helps me set up all this social media for you guys? She’s like, a PR goddess.”

“Yes. Yeah, of course. She’s totally welcome here,” Jason stuttered out.

Annabeth texted Piper the address with no explanation and put down her phone in favor of the computer. She didn’t have to wait long before her phone was buzzing with another text from Piper.

I’m here but no one else is? I’ve been ringing the doorbell for like five minutes.

“Oops, shit,” Annabeth muttered as she got up from the beanbag she had taken over when she came in.

The boys all looked up from their instruments. “Something wrong?” Percy asked.

“Piper,” she said as she opened the door that exited to the front yard. “Hey, we’re back here. Sorry, it’s soundproofed.”

“There you are,” Piper said. “I was beginning to think they had kidnapped and murdered you.”

“Not yet. I think they were just about to start, yeah?” It turned into a question at the end as she looked toward the band.

“Yeah. We’re going to start with our covers. Ready?” Percy asked the others. They murmured their assent and it was quiet for a minute until they started playing. The first song they played was After Midnight again. Percy winked at her just before he started singing.

Most of their covers were songs that Annabeth knew, Blink 182 and Sum 41 and the entirety of the Green Day album that Percy said had inspired him to start playing. There were a few she didn’t recognize, some from a band called Waterparks that Annabeth vowed to listen to when she had the free time because The Half Bloods played them so perfectly, and some from Taking Back Sunday, New Found Glory, and other bands she’d never even heard of. She was glad for their long list of covers that they could pull songs from to play during their sets so they didn’t play the same songs every weekend. They could play a couple original songs and a bunch of covers each time and people wouldn’t get bored.

Annabeth watched them play, making a note in her phone of each song. When they took breaks for water and just giving their arms a rest, Piper and Annabeth busied themselves with setting up an account on every major social media platform for them. She added them all to a group chat and sent the login info for all the accounts. Piper took a picture of them while they were playing and set it as their profile picture.

“Until we can get a professional in, it’ll do,” she said, nodding to herself.

They took a longer break once they’d exhausted their list of covers. It was already near dinner time, so they all piled into Jason’s van and went through the Wendy’s drive through. The boys refused to let the girls pay and split the bill three ways as a thanks for the work they were doing.

“So we were talking,” Percy said once they were back in the garage and eating, “and we were thinking that we’re going to use the extra ten percent you wouldn’t take for things for the band. Like the photoshoot you were talking about and like recording time and stuff.”

“That’s actually a very good idea,” Annabeth approved. She probably should’ve thought about that herself.

“Would you mind taking care of that money? I’d probably lose it or accidentally spend it.”

“I can put it in a separate account that’s only for band stuff. I’ll probably be the one booking everything anyway so I might as well. I’ll go make the bank account this week.”

“You’re a godsend,” Jason said with his mouth full of fries. Piper laughed and he tried to quickly swallow it all but only choked. She laughed harder as Leo pounded on his back.

“Okay, enough fucking around. Let’s get playing our originals,” Percy said, grabbing his guitar. Annabeth settled deeper into the beanbag she had claimed. Her part of the job was over for the day and she could truly enjoy watching the band play their originals with no distractions.

They played their whole CD through, followed by a couple others that they hadn’t had an opportunity to record. Percy and Jason were perfect, their voices harmonizing beautifully. Leo was a beast, slamming out the beats with no more than a thirty second break between songs.

Things slowed and relaxed as they started playing parts of unfinished songs and suggesting changes and additions. Jason nailed down a bridge for one song and Leo played around with a solo until it was up to his standards, then pushed it a little farther, a little faster. Percy strummed and hummed mostly to himself in one of the corners, trying to find words to fit his little riff. Annabeth watched, enraptured, as they worked their magic. Piper spent most of the time setting up little details like bios on the social media accounts and circling the boys to take more pictures for Instagram. She handed her phone over to Annabeth so she could pick out which pictures were good enough to post. She sent the ones she liked to herself so she could post them.

Eventually Piper had to leave because her dad was supposed to fly home early tomorrow to spend the week with her before setting off for another film next weekend. After she left, Annabeth put up the pictures on Insta and Facebook, then turned off her phone and leaned her head back. The music that The Half Bloods played wasn’t exactly lullaby material, but the party the night before had really taken it out of her and she’d been on the whole day since she woke up. She drifted off.

She woke to Percy gently shaking her. “Hey, it’s time to go. We’re finished for the night.”

The bean bag was not the most comfortable thing she’d ever slept on, leaving her with a stiff neck and heavy arms. She blinked blearily and stood, grabbing for her bag, but Percy already had it packed and slung over his shoulder. She smiled sleepily at him, and Percy responded with a brilliant one of his own, grabbing her hand to guide her clumsy limbs to the car.

“Could you carry my shit, too?” Leo called after them. “I’m not holding your hand, though.”

“Get your shit in the car and let’s go,” Percy said, flipping him off. Leo grumbled to himself about how he was tired too but got in the car after Percy had deposited her safely in the passenger seat.

As they drove Leo home, Annabeth pulled out her phone to check notifications on the band accounts. They already had three followers: Piper, Hazel, and Frank. Piper must’ve texted the others.

There was another post in addition to the pictures of the band playing that she didn’t remember making. She clicked on it, worried that she had accidentally posted something that wasn’t meant for the official account.

“Late night band practice. Catch us live @thebighouse every Friday and Saturday starting this weekend!” the caption read. It was a picture of Annabeth, curled up on the bean bag, asleep. Percy crouched next to her with a smirk, one hand making the peace sign and the other taking the picture.

Annabeth smiled to herself and watched the houses fly by as Percy sped away.

[thoughtsofamastersstudent]

Thought Blog #1

As a Gen-Z/Millennial cusp baby, I grew up on the tail end of the beginning of social media and grew along with the rapid development of what it has turned into. Because of this, I remember hearing about Myspace, but being too young to have one (thanks mom). However, still using early platforms like AOL messenger to talk to classmates (and yes my name was becca.awesomeness as every ten year old at the time had a similar embarrassing variation). Also, because of my placement on the generational switch, I was amongst the crowd of people who got to see social media come to life and “boom.” Twitter was first launched in 2007, but because of their age rules and my mom being a stickler for rules, I did not get my first account until 2012 (tea! I had a One Direction fan account) ((It was actually pretty successful)) and made a personal account in 2014. As for Facebook, by the time I was allowed to have one, Facebook had become a place for all those boring adults. So, I did not get a Facebook until after I graduated high school in 2017. When it comes to Instagram, I was quick to join. With the release of Instagram coming in late 2010, the first archived post I have is from mid-2011 which is crazy. What I find the largest difference is between social media today and back then is that being mutual friends with someone to interact with a see their content is not a component anymore. This very fact has allowed influencer culture to become what it is today. Today, I can follow my favorite human Harry Styles, see and love all of his content without him even knowing I exist (what a sad thing). While friends lists and mutual followings are still a thing in the social media world, the allowance of these big celebrities and influencers to have millions of followers whilst only following a few hundred themselves has created a booming environment for marketing. Now, one person can reach their audience of millions with a sponsored post or just sharing products they like. If social media was the same as it was back then, I cannot even imagine how marketing would work because social media makes it so easy now. My final thoughts are that social media has had me by the neck ever since I can remember, from my early Club Penguin days to my current Insta baddie/Twitter-loving self. I, for one, feel so lucky that I was able to grow up with and around it. Also, it is kind of fun to make fun of all the annoying millennial/gen z traits and claim all of the best haha. Without social media, I would not have majored in marketing for undergrad and I for sure would not be in this grad program. Do I love social media too much? Of course, I do! But I will choose to keep enjoying it and unpack what this does to me at a later time in my life.

[mysterioh]

The Ignorant Beauty and The Beast of New York - Ch. 6

PAIRING: MOB!STEVE ROGERS X READER

SYNOPSIS: Y/N is an exhausted bio major. Steve is danger with a capital DANGER. She thinks he’s a sarcastic prick with an impressive knowledge of art history. He thinks she’s cute even if she’s only running on one brain cell. All he wants is a single date, but she’s adamant upon denying.

Masterlist

I’m Your What Now?

Ah, Columbia University. The pride and joy of New York. The mecca for philosophical thinking and scientific advancement.

It kept only the cream of the crop. Sons and daughters of the wealthy, valedictorians, and exceptionally bright international students. The future president. The next Plato. Another Einstein.

There was a certain standard that came with being a student here. The ooh's and ah's and the jealous eyes that bore into their backs were natural for these Ivy League students.

And yet as Steve stood there he found it to be like the overpriced Catholic school he spent twelve torturous years at. After school, he didn't really see a reason to go to university. His future was predetermined and he had no desire to go against it.

Steve wasn't stupid. He was intelligent. An expert in combat and tact and a mogul in the business world. His performance was better than his peers with their fancy degrees and certifications. He had them under his foot and they only moved when he let them.

It just went to show that knowledge and wisdom didn't come from going to a fancy school. It came from experience and hard work, rigor, and determination. But even so, he couldn't help but feel an odd sense of pride in his chest when he learned you attended Columbia.

Mrs. Rogers, you genius woman.

He sprinted up the steps and in towards the overarching gate. It was like a world populated by teenagers. Here, twenty-five was considered middle-aged. They milled around clad with backpacks and textbooks usually in a small group of three or four. Some passed by on bikes while others strutted to the beat of their music.

There were a plethora of styles. Punks and goths. Preps and jocks. Basic white girls with their leggings and UGGs. Snazzy poets in all black and topped with berets. Those avant-garde chicks that had an aesthetic like none other. Diversity was key at Columbia. The world was being represented here.

Steve passes by, following google maps on his phone to find the Student Resource Center in a hope to find you there.  

A day ago…

"Okay," Sam sighed, holding a paper in his hand with a laptop sitting on Steve's desk. "Quentin Beck, a biochemical engineering student at Columbia. Around twenty-one years old and is most likely a total geek."

"Hey," Steve warns. Bucky snickers like a child, chomping loudly on some potato chips.

"Sorry," Sam replied. "No social media accounts. Not even an old facebook. You sure this chick's not a hermit?"

"She's probably focusing on her studies. She's diligent."

"You're defending her as if you know her," Bucky piped up.

"I do know her," Steve said.

"Yeah, that's why you're googling her like a pervert."

"Shut up before I punch your teeth out."

"Anyways," Sam called them back. "She's on the school website."

"She is," Steve pushes him to the side. "Lemme see."

"There's no picture. It's just a list of tutors."

"She's a tutor? Smart chicks are so hot."

Bucky rolls his eyes. "I can hear your heart pounding all the way over here," he said lazily while sitting at his desk.

"Get your dirty shoes off my desk."

"Make me," Bucky taunted.

"So it's got hours of availability here," Sam said scrolling down. "Like when she's working."

"Ya know Sam I know you're a freak and all, but this is low, even for you," Bucky said, his feet still on the desk and his right hand greasy with potato chips. "I didn't know you were as big of a creep as Stevie."

"I wouldn't be talking, Mr. I stalk my ex's insta at four in the morning." Sam retorted, making Steve chuckle.

"I don't!"

"Bro, I saw you the other day!"

"What the hell are you doing at my house at four in the morning, you freak?"

Nat walks in to see the three lazing around and sighs. Sam quickly slams the laptop shut and Bucky slips his feet off the desk.

"What are you three doing?" She asked.

"Nothing," Steve smiled.  

"For NY’s biggest mob man, you sure do suck at lying." He frowns. "You're also pretty horrible at signing your own damn name on important papers." She said, waving a paper in her hand. "What the hell are these hearts?"

"That's not me!" He retorted with a light blush. "How do I know it's not you?”

"You really think I have the time to do that?" She snapped at him. "We've got shipments coming in today and you have a meeting with the Gambino head tomorrow. Do you have anything prepared?"

"No…" he whispered.

"Am I the only one working around here?!" She shouted making the three cringe at her shrill voice. "What have you three been doing all morning anyway?"

"Planning," Bucky spoke up and Steve whipped his head towards him. Bucky if you say anything.

"Planning?"

"Yeah, we're planning Steve's wedding."

Nat almost snaps her neck by the way she turns to look at him. Her red locks bouncing around as she turns. She gapes at him with a million questions.

Steve sighs, rubbing his face with his hands in embarrassment.

"Stevie, you're getting married?!?!"

"Sn2 Reactions have bulky bases and only occur when you have…" you said, snapping your finger to remember what comes next. "Wait, don't say it," you stop Quentin. "Primary carbocations!"

"Correct," he smiled, looking up at you from the flashcard in his hand. "Man, you're just killing it today."

"I've been studying," you informed. "...and living in Chubbic's office.

"And it shows," Quentin chuckles.

Tutoring was slow today with only a student here and there, leaving you and Quentin with some prime time to study.

"I swear all you ever do is study," Quentin said.

"No, I don't," you denied. "Last night, I played Overwatch till three."

"Okay, scratch that, you're a geek." Quentin corrected. You huffed.

"No, I am not," you retorted.

"Y/N, you don't do anything but school and work. You don't even go to parties or socialize with other people."

"People are overrated. I have better things to do with my time."

"Like what?"

"Like...stuff," you said.

Quentin rolls his eyes. "You can't keep living a shelled life, Y/N. It's not healthy."

"I don't see how it isn't."

"You have to go out and make friends. You're gonna go crazy if you sit in your apartment forever," Quentin sounded like a mom.

"Quentin, my dude, it's the 21st century. Technology exists."

"That's not good for you either!" Quentin sassed then sighed. "All I'm saying is that you should be more open. Not everyone is out to hurt you."

You sink in your chair with a frown. You look out the window of the second floor to watch people walk by meters below. "But that’s how it always is in the end," you murmured. Quentin frowns. "Besides what do I need anyone else for? I have you."

Quentin's heart skips a beat, but he tries to ignore it. "But what if I'm not here? What if I have to leave?"

You sit up. "Where are you going?"

"I applied for this internship for this company in London."

"Wow, Quint! That's great!" You exclaimed. "I know you'll get it!"

"Thanks," he chuckles at your enthusiasm. "But I just worry about you sometimes. You're going to be all alone if I leave and I worry if you'll be alright."

"Then I'll call you every day!"

"Y/N," Quentin said with a lopsided smile. "I'm being serious."

You exhaled, masking the fear of him leaving by giving him a bright smile. One that's always only been for him. "Don't worry about me, alright? I'll be fine. You go out there and show 'em what you're made of. You're gonna kill it."

"Yeah?" He asked and you can sense the nervousness in his shaking hands.

"Like my good friend Naruto once said…" you alluded. "Believe it!" You said, giving him a thumbs up.

Quentin groans while crossing his arms. "You still watch that crap?"

"It's cool!" you defended.

"I swear you're a nerd."

"Hey, Quentin," Angelica from the front desk called walking towards you.

"Yeah?"

"There's a guy at the desk asking for you," she pointed.

"For me?" He asked puzzled. She nodded before leaving.

He gets up to leave. "I'll be right back. E1 reactions are next," he reminded. You nodded with a chuckle and took the cards he left.

Quentin walks up to the desk to find a blonde dressed stylishly at the front desk, chatting up one of the employees.

“Oh, Quentin,” Maria at the desk said as he arrived. “This is Mr. Rogers.”

Steve turns to look and his shoulders drop. “Uh, sorry, I think they’ve got the wrong person.” Quentin furrows his brows in confusion. “I’m looking for a Quentin Beck.”

“Um, I’m Quentin Beck,” he replied awkwardly, shaking the photo id that was around his neck.

“No, no,” Steve shakes his head. “I’m looking for a girl and her name is Quentin Beck.”

“There’s only one Quentin Beck here and he’s a man and it’s me,” he said in the nicest way possible.

Steve snorts. “Just because you grew a little beard doesn’t mean you’re a man,” he guffawed.

Quentin blinks once and then twice and a third time for good measure. “Excuse me?”

Back over at the table, you wondered what was taking Quentin so long. Taking a sip from your Hydroflask, you crane your neck to get a view of the front desk. The head full of blonde hair and spread of broad shoulders was hard to miss. You choked while drinking. Quickly placing your bottle on the table, you pat your chest in need of air.

What was he doing here?

You quickly jump up and run to the two. Steve catches you in the corner of his eye and pushes past a fuming Quentin.

“I knew I’d find you here!” he exclaimed.

“What the hell are you doing here, you freak?” you seethed.

“What do you think?” Steve chuckled, loving the way you pouted at him. “Here to see you, princess.”

Your cheeks burst in color and before you could say anything Quentin spoke.  

“Y/N, you know this guy?” he asked.

“Y/N, so that’s your real name,” Steve takes both of your hands in his. His smile is so bright that you cringed under him. “I knew it wasn’t Quentin. I mean it doesn’t even make sense,” he starts to ramble and you just listen. “To think someone as pretty as you would have a name as ugly as Quentin. Like who the hell names their kid Quentin these days anyway?”

“Ah, Y/N,” Steve sighs dreamily. “It’s like a sweet melody to my ears.”

You tried to reply, but all you could let out was a garbled jumble of words.

“Quentin’s a good name!” your brunette friend jumped in.

“Yeah, if it’s the 18th century,” Steve deadpanned, before turning back to you. “Anyways…”

“Y/N, who the hell is this guy?” he questioned irritated.

“Uh, well, you see, um…” you tried to explain.

“Been keepin’ me a secret, huh, baby?” Steve chuckled. “I’m Steve, a friend.”

“We aren’t friends,” you hissed, breaking from his grasp. “How many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone, huh?”

“Wait,” Quentin butt in. “Is he that guy?” he pointed at Steve while looking at you. “Is he the bad guy?”

“Bad guy?” Steve asked you, making you blush under his gaze. “So you have been talking about me? Y/N, sweetheart, I ain’t a bad guy. I promise I’ll be nothing but good to you,” he said with a wink.

It’s like every ounce of sass inside of you is gone and you’re left speechless. Screw this man and his way with words.

He takes your hand in his and brings it to his soft plump lips before Quentin butts in and swipes your hand.

“Yeah, she told me about you,” he hurls at him, his voice firm and his grip on your hand firmer. “Who the hell do you think you are, messing with my girlfriend?”

Steve is taken aback by his words and you gape at Quentin. You’re his what now?

Quentin looks towards you and sends a message with his eyes. Just play along.

“Y-yeah,” you stumbled at first, “Quentin’s my boyfriend and I like his name! Actually I love it because I love him.” you straight up lied. Steve’s brows creased in irritation and he had the biggest frown on his face. You wrap your arms around Quentin’s. “So leave me alone, freak,” you hissed at him.

Now it’s Steve’s turn to be speechless. Your words pierce through his heart like a bullet. It’s like being shot in the core of his spirit over and over again until there’s a big gaping hole.

“Listen, jackass,” Quentin calls him back. “If you even look in my girlfriend’s direction, I’ll rip your eyes out,” he threatened, before turning around and taking you with him.

“Wow,” you whispered to him. “I think he bought it.”

“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do,” he said, clearly dissatisfied.

“Shut up and kiss me on the cheek.”

“What?” he freaked out with a light red creeping on his cheeks.

“Just do it,” you ordered quietly. “And wrap your arm around my shoulders.”

He sighed. “The things you make me do,” he groaned, making you chuckle quietly. He places a sweet kiss on your cheek while hooking his arm over your shoulders protectively. He turns his head to see Steve still standing there. His face twisted in a scowl and fists balled so tight you could see white in his knuckles.

Quentin’s sharp blue eyes locked with his own. His gaze was as deadly as a violent act with an intensity that had the fearless mob man’s chest tighten. His eyes drilled out any notion that it could all be a hoax. Either he was a really good actor or there really was something between the two.

Whatever it was, Steve stood still with a strange sense of deja vu. He was a hopeless romantic and hopeless in all things that concerned love. And as he watches your retreating form chuckling at something the boy whispered in your ear, he regrets even thinking he had another chance at love.