#finally. gave in and wrote for this guy that ive had a crush on since elementary school

[nanamimizz]

tags: fluff, after the 4th great war, reader is described as being shorter than shikamaru, smoking, drinking, reader wears shikamaru’s clothes - let me know if i missed something!

synopsis: love is seen in the smallest of moments, when its just you and the other - alone.

loving shikamaru is built upon the smallest of moments.

when he murmurs into your ear at the table - “going out for a smoke, i’ll be back.” his box of cigarettes and his lighter tap against the table. you can’t help but shiver from his breath dancing along your neck. you smile, cheeks bitten and hot but he blames it on the cold outside and the warn inside. he gives a blushing smile when you tell him you’ll save him a plate.

his cigarette is half way out when you find him, stumbling past the door a slight stumble in your step. he’s at your side faster than you’d expect asking what’s wrong, hands griping your shoulders to steady you. in return you only laugh, rubbing your temples.

“kiba challenged me to chug a pint but then my head started spinning so sakura said to get some fresh air.” you explain and he sighs, exasperated but fond. you’ve always had a habit of not being able to say no when asked to do something. he shakes his head muttering about how kiba is a bonehead and you giggle breathlessly.

his gaze softens at the sound, eyes fond at how you smile softly if not a little wobbly. happiness looks lovely on you, shikamaru can’t help but think.

he blinks as he mulls over his recent thought, tucks away its implications and focuses in the light conversation you begin - you hiccup slightly in between each couple words and he fonds that rather being annoyed by its interruption; he can’t help but find it cute.

he bites the inside of his cheek and marks the tally.

you shiver as a brisk breeze passes over - its fall and heading into winter. he recalls how you’ve always been sensitive to the cold. he calls your name without thinking and before he can rationally process it, he’s zipping off his vest and handing it to you. you’re eyes are wide and shining under the fluorescent lights of the restaurant sign.

“here, i don’t want you freezing on me.” he keeps his tone light but even he sweats under the weight of your stare. smiling bashfully and tucking your chin to your chest, you take the vest and sling it on. the dark green material is warm from his body heat - despite his lean build shikamaru has always run warm. its long on you; he can’t help but huff amused at how the bottom of the zipper hits lower than your waist. he comes closer to you, brings his hands to the collar and pulling out the large pieces of your hair that had gotten stuck underneath the thick collar of the vest.

it’s oddly intimate - he’s smoothing your hair down, and zipping up the vest. he lets his hands run down the slope of your shoulders and his hands come to rest on your biceps. shikamaru swallows. realizing he’s so close to you that he can see the faint mole at the bottom of your lip, the birthmark on your nose and the small gap of hairs in your left eyebrow.

“how do you feel now?” he asks, voice tentatively and soft. he feels like a kid again, seeing the deer of the nara woods with his father for the first time. he can see how your lashes link together when you blink and you look back up at him, he’s grateful for the height difference between you to in this moment. shikamaru can see everyone of your most defining features - he finds them all to be as beautiful as the reflection of the night sky found on the top of a lake.

“my head feels clearer, and i’m a lot warmer now.” you reply, honestly and your eyes flicker away. you are like a doe he thinks, gentle in your approach and demure in your observation. he nods.

“that’s good. want to head in now?” he asks. he half hopes you say no so he can stay here with you just for a little longer. he can smell your perfume - like how you hands smell like the oranges you peel on a hot summer day, and he wonders if you’ll be as sweet as those memories.

“y-yeah, we should. they might be wondering where we are.” you say and he can’t help but agree. he lets go off you, letting his hands trail a little longer and he coughs into his hand. when you go to unzip his vest he stops you.

“it’s okay. keep it until you feel warm enough.” he tells you, looking away and scratching at the back of his neck. shikamaru wonders if you can see his pink cheeks and fights back the embarrassment he feels in his chest if you can.

“besides, it…it looks good on you. just give back at the end of the night.” he finishes with a thin smile and you laugh into your hand at his sheepishly given compliment. you nod, agreeing and watching him with warm cheeks as he heads in first. as he enters back into the restaurant you thumb at the dark green material of the vest.

against your better nature, you bring your nose to the collar and sigh at the scent of pine wood and the hint of cigarette smoke. you walk in shortly after, ducking at the raised eyesbrows of ino and choji, smiling carefully at shikamaru and remove the vest easily. you hand it back with a thank you and he nods, slipping it back on with no comments or complaints.

later in the night, shikamaru does something unlike himself.

when shikamaru lies in bed, he holds the vest up to his face, nose buried in the collar just like you did when left alone. his head spins surround by the scent of citrus and jasmine - a note he didn’t pick up on when he was next to you. with his pounding heart and cheeks red, he realizes something that had been reaching its conclusion since his academy days.

shikamaru nara is in love with you.

[phlox238]

i wrote a pretty long rymin fic and half of it is min being anxious and getting advice from a lesbian at a gay bar,,, it sucks but here it is anyway

2.5k words this is the most ive ever written

"So," The girl began, gesturing wildly with her hands. "You think you're in love with your best friend, who you've known since you were born, and you're in a band and traveling across Canada and the USA with. What did you say your name is?" 

"Oh, fuck." Min-gi sighed, letting his head rest in his hands. "This is weird, isn't it? I barely know you."

"Nah, I just thought that, if we're going to have a slightly drunk chat in the back of a gay bar, then we should know each other's names. I'm Eryn, and you?" Eryn stuck out her hand, the many bracelets she wore on her wrist clanking together. 

Min chuckled a little, then took her hand and shook it. Her dark skin was warm, which was surprising, since this part of the bar was near freezing. "Min-gi. But you can call me Min." 

"Awesome. So, tell me about it, Min." Eryn tightened her ponytail, leaning forward on her arms. 

"Tell you what about it? There's so many things that I could say." He was so caught up in this gay crisis stuff that he hadn't even considered stopping for a moment to really think about it.

Eryn shrugged. "Whatever you want to say. Get stuff off your chest, just let it out, if you want to. There's like, nobody else back here. Doesn't really matter, right? I'm not judgy." 

"Okay...well, he has a girlfriend, first of all; has had many of them. So he's not into dudes." Min crossed his arms. 

"Hey, he could still be. Just because he dates women doesn't mean he's straight. Could still be into guys. Don't give up hope just yet, okay?" Eryn laced her fingers together, as if she was planning something. The dark lighting of the bar didn't help anything.

“Damn,” Min rubbed his eyes. “I didn’t know you could like both.”

Not without laughing at him first, Eryn started to explain. "Oh, wow, you really are new to this, huh?" She chuckled a little more, shaking her head. “That’s okay. There’s a lot of different ways to love people, you just gotta figure out what works for you. Oh, also; it isn’t just both. There’s the genderqueer people, too, don’t forget about them!” She smiled. 

Min didn’t quite know what genderqueer meant, but he figured he could find out later. He was asking too many questions already. "Damn...how do you know all of this? I only realized I was, er, gay, like six months ago."  Min marveled at her, the same way a nerd at school would marvel at the 'cool kids.' And honestly, she really looked like one, with her ponytail and undercut, her yellow, patched leather jacket, even the flashy jewelry she wore.

It made Min want to start dressing differently. Dressing cooler, like Ryan, like Eryn. Maybe he could.

Eryn grinned wider. "Oh, you know. It's just things you pick up along the way. I've known that I'm lesbian for a long time, since I was like 11. And I'm 21 now, so that's a long time. Lots of experience." She shuffled a little in her seat, taking another drink of beer. "Anyway. We're getting off track, aren't we? Keep talking, man." 

Min laughed, a real laugh. "Okay, okay. A year ago, we, er…" He reached desperately for an explanation for the train, but decided that, just maybe, he could tell her. Really, the worst that she could think of him is that he's a drug user. "Can I tell you something? It's going to sound absolutely insane, probably, but I just. Need to tell someone." 

She looked concerned, her dark brown eyes wide, but nodded anyway. "That's real ominous. But sure, go for it."

"Okay. So. Stick with me, here. A year ago, him and I got on a train, right? But then, there was another train door within the train. We just...went into the door. Well, the bastard threw my keys into it and then ran in, so how could I not follow?" Eryn was looking at him intently like she understood. Min could tell he was pretty drunk by now; he'd never be able to open up to someone this much sober. But that's okay. More than okay, really. 

"It gets even weirder from then on. Ryan- that's his name, by the way- and I woke up on a giant, infinie train in the middle of nowhere. Gotta be pretty unbelievable, though. You probably think I'm on drugs." Min sighed.

Eryn was silent for a moment, but it was obvious she was getting ready to explode. "Dude, no fucking way!" Yep, there it was. "I got on that train! When I was eleven. I was super conflicted on my sexuality, had a shit ton of internalized homophobia as a result of having homophobic family. I felt like a disgusting person. So I got on the train, and it actually helped me through it." She'd completely lit up when Min mentioned the train. Looked like she was going to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. 

For a moment, Min was speechless. Soon, though, he regained his voice. "You're kidding," was all he could muster.

"Nope." Eryn's grin nearly reached her ears. "Did you have someone to help you along, too? There was a white cat named Samantha for me. She was French, for some reason. But I miss her." 

"Oh! Yeah, Ryan and I had a floating, talking bell named Kez. Weird, right?. I miss her, too. Wonder how she's doing." Min thought for a second, completely and utterly relieved to have met someone else to share an experience with. Then something clicked. "Hold on...I might have met this cat you speak of. Yellow eyes? Uh, blonde...hair?" 

"Blonde hair? Well, she didn't have that. But yeah, yellow eyes, French accent." Eryn nodded. They were silent for a moment. 

Min chuckled, suddenly getting the urge to continue on with their story. Telling someone about the train would feel wonderful. "We had a lot of...issues...regarding our friendship, at the time. That's why the train picked us up in the first place." He fiddled with the hem of his shirt. "The train did help us. But we had a lot of weirdly intimate moments on it, and that's where my sexuality crisis started. Like, there was a car where we had to perform a song with each other to get out of it, and of course I got stage fright right before it. I left him alone on stage. Again." Min paused, the guilt almost making him feel like he was living through that moment again. 

Eryn nudged him. "And? That doesn't sound intimate. What happened next?" 

"I hid in the bathroom. So he came in, and at first he was angry, but I was having a full on anxiety attack. We sat in the bathtub, hip to hip, knee to knee. It was weird, but nice. He helped me calm down. And like...in our last year of Highschool, I gave him a shirt with our band name on it. In that bath tub, he had it with him. He kept it. Said he'd never done a show without it." Min laughed, but there wasn't much humor about it. "Man, I wanted to kiss him so bad right then and there. But I didn't." 

Eryn had a soft look in her eyes. "I dunno about you, but that sounds pretty damn gay to me. Maybe he's just dating other people to distract himself from his crush on you, who knows! All I'm trying to say is, don't give up on this, Min. You two have something going on, I don't know what, but it could blossom into a relationship." She patted him on the shoulder, then took another drink of her beer. 

Min did the same. "What if he's not gay?" His voice was small. "Worse, what if he's homophobic? I don't know...fuck, it's terrifying. I could lose him because I'm gay." 

"Well," Eryn paused for a moment, "you could try and subtly bring it into conversation. Maybe, like, bring up a celebrity who's gay. See his reaction." She gestured with her hands a lot, Min noticed. 

Min nodded. It seemed simple in theory, but he knew he'd manage to fuck it up somehow. The logical part of his brain knew Ryan wouldn't leave him for being gay, but at the same time, there was this voice in the back of his head. Irrational thoughts, irrational fears; that's all it spoke of. 

"Thank you. Really. It's been nice to talk about this, especially with someone who's been on the train. That thing is...a freak of nature. Maybe not even nature, I don't know. I'll try that with him, too." Min said finally, after some silence. Eryn laughed. 

"Yeah, it absolutely is." She smiled widely. Eryn glanced around, her eyes finally landing on the only visible clock in this part of the bar. Her eyes widened. "Shit, I should really get going! Sorry. I told my girlfriend I'd be back around now." She, out of nowhere, gave Min a hug. It'd been a while since he'd hugged anyone, he realized, and it felt nice. Although, very unexpected. 

Min hugged her back, sort of awkwardly. They separated soon after.

"That's okay. Again...thank you, so much. I should get young too." By now, it was almost 11 pm, and he figured he should leave as well. Ryan should be back at their apartment soon enough. 

Min was about to turn and leave, but Eryn stopped him.

"Hey! How about we exchange phone numbers? This was a good chat, eh? I'd like to stay in contact." Eryn searched her pockets for a pen and some paper, but only found a marker. "Can I, like, write it on your arm and you can do the same?"

Min knew Ryan would tease him over it, but oh, well, he made a new friend. "Yeah, that's fine." He laughed, offering her his arm. She quickly scribbled her number on it, and honestly, it was barely legible. But he could read it, somewhat. 

He then wrote his number on her arm, they exchanged goodbyes, and were on their way. Min dreaded returning to Ryan, who would definitely start to go on and on about his girlfriend, and just prove to make Min feel worse about his stupid crush.

But maybe, just maybe, Eryn was right. Maybe things would finally go his way for once. 

•••

Min's walk home was quiet (as quiet as New York can be at night) and cold, it being the middle of November. Snow was just beginning to fall. Being outside Eryn's words stuck in his head like glue. Talk to him. As if he could do that. The idea of even just mentioning anything close to being gay made anxiety rise in his throat like bile. 

He couldn't. Probably.

Before he could think much more on it, he was home. Home. Back to the decent one bedroom apartment they'd scraped up all of the money in their pockets to buy. Back to the scent of cigarette smoke in the air, back to the strange stains on the carpet in the hallway. Most importantly, back to Ryan. No matter how much resentment Min-gi might hold to him for having a girlfriend, Ryan usually made things better. 

He walked up the stairs and down the hall to apartment number 202, ironically. Unlocked and opened the door to find it dark inside save for a single lamp. Min walked in, curious, just to find Ryan curled up in the fetal position on the sofa. That really made him anxious.

"Hey...Ryan? You good, man?" Min sat on the empty portion of the sofa, near his head. 

Ryan stirred, rolling over onto his back. His head was resting a bit on Min's thigh, and it felt kind of nice. 

"I dunno…" He mumbled. "She broke up with me." 

"What?" Min looked down at Ryan, surprised. "Lisa? You're kidding." 

"Nope, not kidding." Ryan laced his fingers together over his stomach. "The thing is...I'm like, kind of relieved that she did it? How fucked up is that?"  

Min tilted his head in confusion. He really wanted to run his hand through Ryan's hair, but that was a really inappropriate thought for the moment. 

"She, uh...said some things. When she broke up with me." He sighed. "Called me a fag." Ryan laughed, like he found it funny. Min didn't. 

"Dude, what? Why?" Min's voice was a little shaky, for no other reason than that they were talking about gay people. 

Ryan sighed. "Take a good look at us, Min." He brought his forearm up to cover his eyes. "We're two dudes, living in a one bedroom apartment together. We do everything together. Of course she's gonna think there's something going on." 

Min felt like he was going to fucking disintegrate. "U-Uh...and that's a bad thing?"

"I mean...no. It just kind of clicked that...maybe she's right. Maybe I am gay." Ryan sat up, his back facing towards Min. He didn't look back. " I always assumed that I'd be straight, but this...it makes sense. None of my relationships have ever worked out. With women." 

Min reached out and gently touched his shoulder. "Ryan...it's okay." 

Ryan looked back, now, and his eyes were watery. Min frowned.

“How could it be okay?” His voice cracked as he spoke. “It’s just another reason for people to hate me. For my parents to hate me. Hell, maybe even you.” By the time that he finished talking, his voice was almost inaudible. 

"No!" Min almost shouted, jolting forward. "No. Ryan, I could never hate you." Fuck, how was he supposed to tell Ryan he's gay now? Part of him wanted to shout it out impulsively, but the other part, it just wanted to keep hiding. Because what if something goes wrong? What if Ryan's in love with someone else? All what ifs. He really needed to stop. 

Min inhaled deeply. Here goes. "This is gonna sound really coincidental, but...I'm gay too." 

Quickly, Ryan turned around to face Min. His eyes were wide behind his glasses. 

"What? No fucking way. You're kidding." Ryan was leaning forward, using his fists to prop him up. 

Min shook his head. "No...I'm not. I was gonna tell you soon anyway, but now seemed like a good time." He scratched his head awkwardly.

Then, Ryan launched at him, hugging him. Arms wrapped around his neck, knees touching Min's thighs, the whole package. Min was sure he'd die with how flushed his face was; but thankfully, he didn't. 

After what felt like a while, Ryan finally spoke. 

"I love you." He mumbled into Min's shoulder. 

Min paused. "In a gay way, or…?" 

Ryan laughed. "Yeah, you idiot." He shook his head in amusement. 

"Good. That's...great." He hugged Ryan tighter, finally letting himself run his fingers through his hair. It was soft, just like he expected. "I love you too." 

[casey-v]

Valentine

Ethan x Casey

I haven’t written any fics for quite a while, but with OH3 coming soon I’m getting these vibes again….

I always wondered: what would the closing of Edenbrook mean to E x MC’s relationship? Here’s my attempt to this part of the story.

Sorry in advance for any mistakes, English isn’t my first language.

Warnings: none, I guess (maybe a few smutty thoughts)

Words: 3K

Disclaimer: all characters owned by PB

Participating in @choicesfebchallenge Day14: Valentine

“Good morning Dr. Valentine. This is your day today, isn’t it?” The nurse Rose greeted Casey as she entered the free clinic.

“Good morning. Yeah, I get that a lot.” Casey tried a friendly smile. Since she had been a child everyone referred to her last name on Valentine’s Day, making a remark or joking around. As a teenager it had made her feel special, but by now she was tired of hearing it. Especially today.

She had been in a bad mood since she woke up and it had nothing to do with her last name or Rose. But it had everything to do with the man who simply ignored this day today, probably didn’t even know it existed. 

It was perfectly clear to Casey, that these kinds of traditions meant nothing to Ethan. Nevertheless, her disappointment was huge because she had had great expectations for today. After a few difficult weeks she had hoped that a romantic dinner could bring them closer together again.

After the gala and their public kiss everything had seemed perfect and she had spent some time on cloud number nine. But then Ethan gradually became distant and a little grumpy again. They both often worked double shifts and meetings outside the hospital became rare. And they never talked about their life after Edenbrook’s closing. Whenever they got close to that topic, Ethan would change the subject. And Casey was also in denial; she hadn’t applied to any jobs outside greater Boston because she didn’t want to lose Ethan. But maybe it was too late now anyway, she didn’t even know what point in their relationship they really were at.            

“Has he told you yet?” Sienna interrupted her thoughts.

“Hi Sienna. No, I still have no idea what we’re doing tonight.”

“Oh, that’s so romantic. For sure he has something incredibly special planned for the two of you.”

Casey tried to maintain a cheerful façade even though she actually felt like crying. But Sienna’s enthusiasm was also kind of sweet, so she managed a smile.

“You seem more excited than I am.”

“I’m hosting a lonely-hearts roomie dinner tonight, so at least let me enjoy the romance in your life.”

Casey felt bad that she was being dishonest with her friend. It was silly, but she would rather spend the night at the movies on her own and then sleep in an on-call room than admit to her friend that Ethan wasn’t going to take her out on a date. Besides, talking about it would make it more real: their relationship was probably on the rocks.

 A busy morning at the clinic kept Casey occupied and gave her no opportunity to dwell on her misery. As she was preparing an IV for a patient, she suddenly sensed someone right behind her.

“Dr. Valentine, can you please run some tests on this patient and then get back to me as soon as possible?”

Usually her favorite baritone voice quickened her heartbeat, but today it sounded businesslike and not appealing at all. When she turned around Ethan didn't meet her gaze. Instead, he just thrust a patient chart into her hand and was gone before Casey even had the chance to respond.

 At first, she stood there with her mouth open, unable to move, a dreadful feeling spreading through her chest. She had barely seen him all week and that was all she got?

When her vision started to get blurred by tears, she quickly ran to a supply closet, locked the door and sank to the floor.

 What now? She couldn’t decide whether she was more sad or mad. How could it be, that things went wrong so fast after everything they had been through together? And how dare he talk to her like a random intern, shoving that patient file into her hands so rudely. He wasn't even her boss anymore.

She still held the chart clutched to her chest and now wanted to check what seemed so urgent. But what she saw didn't make any sense. There was only a last name on it and an address, but everything else was blank. As she turned the page her heart took a leap. She wiped away a few tears and stared at the blank piece of paper. Two words stared back at her.

Dinner tonight?

When she finally remembered to breathe again, she flipped back to the first page and now the pieces were falling into place.

Sorellina, Huntington Ave.

She knew the name had sounded familiar. “Sorellina” wasn't a patient's name; it was the name of a fancy Italian restaurant in the Back Bay. To be sure she pulled out her phone and searched the internet. And what she found there brought a bright smile to her face.

 …the ultimate destination if you're looking to really impress a date…

.. one of the most romantic spots in the city…

…awesome place for date nights…

 So he didn’t forget after all! But why the strange behavior? Some things didn’t add up. You don’t get a reservation like this one day in advance. He must have planned this weeks ago. A lot had changed since and now maybe he just wanted to give them one last shot? He wouldn’t be so heartless to dump her on Valentine’s day, would he?

Casey was totally confused. Was she just misinterpreting the whole situation? But she couldn’t be that paranoid. Something was brewing and she was determined to find out tonight, no matter what. This time she would confront him and for once she wouldn’t let him off the hook so easily.

But first she had to get through the day somehow, and she had to head home during her lunchbreak to choose a breathtaking dress. And pack an overnight bag, just in case. Not to forget the special brand of scotch she had ordered for Ethan. And she had to tell Sienna. And…

Okay! First of all, she had to calm down and concentrate on her work. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then she took a pen out of her pocket and wrote below Ethan’s message.

Tell me when and where and I’ll be there 💕

After leaving the supply closet she randomly grabbed two other files, placed hers in between and handed them to an intern. “Please get this to Dr. Ramsey immediately.” Then she went back to her patient, who was still waiting for his IV.

The day seemed to drag on endlessly. In the afternoon she found the piece of paper out of the fake patient file in her coat pocket.  

Dinner tonight?

Tell me when and where and I’ll be there 💕

my office, 7 pm 😊

 He had even drawn an emoji! Smiling she added one more line.

Dessert at your place?

Then she quickly ran upstairs, sneaked into Ethan’s office, and put the piece of paper onto his desk. Her eyes fell on the big clock on the wall: 4 pm! Three more hours to go.

 *******

Ethan sat behind his desk, already dressed in his tux, trying to focus on some files. But instead of working, he kept repeating in his head what he wanted to say tonight.

It was ridiculous. Usually, he gave speeches in front of hundreds of fellow doctors and here he was, being nervous about talking to one single woman. The difference was that he felt very qualified to talk about his profession, but he was totally insecure when it came to talking about his feelings. With Casey, he wasn't Dr. Ramsey, a famous and respected diagnostician; with her, he was simply Ethan, a man struggling with the changes in his life.

The sound of high heels echoed through the hallway and announced Casey's arrival. Trying to calm his nerves Ethan busied himself with his paperwork as she entered the office. He didn't raise his head, instead he just glanced at her over the rims of his glasses. As he did, she put her hands on her hips, pushing the winter coat aside to give him full view of her stunning dress. And it had the desired effect. The small piece of black nothingness took his breath away.

 “Dr. Ramsey, don't you think it's inappropriate to look at a colleague that way?”

He swallowed hard, but he wouldn’t let her tease him like that.

“Dr. Valentine, don't you think it's inappropriate to wear something like that in your workplace?”

She smirked at him.

“Not as much as taking it off right here in your office.”

Defeated he shook his head, a smile showing at the corners of his mouth. He had to fight the urge to leap over his desk and take her right there against the office door, but instead he only sighed deeply and reached for his coat. This had to wait.

“We better get going or I don't know what I'll do!”

Together they left the office and walked to his car, holding hands. But despite their little banter just now there was an odd silence between them.

*******

The restaurant really was the perfect setting for a special date. Casey was overwhelmed and also kind of intimidated by the atmosphere. To her, it felt more like a first date with a guy she had a crush on than a dinner with the man she had been dating for month. And Ethan seemed equally self-conscious. But after some champagne, they both loosened up and had a really great time.

Almost.

Casey knew Ethan too well by now not to notice that something was strange about him tonight. She couldn’t shake that nagging feeling in her gut.

Back in his apartment, after she had given him her gift, he sat down on the couch with a serious face and asked her to sit down as well.

“I have something for you, too”

Blushing slightly, he handed her a small box and rubbed the back of his neck.

“I wanted to…, I mean this is… Oh, just open it and then I’ll explain!”

Carefully, she lifted the lid of the box and saw, lying on a tiny silk cushion, a key. From the looks of it, she assumed it was the key to his apartment. Casey gave Ethan a questioning look and waited for the promised explanation. But it didn’t come. Ethan seemed uncomfortable and pinched the bridge of his nose. Finally, he just blurted it out.

“Want to move in with me?”

Of all the things she had expected him to say, this certainly wasn’t on the list. But why now? Hundreds of different thoughts whirled through Casey’s head all at once. At first she just stared at him, then she burst into tears. For a long time Ethan looked at her helplessly, finally he ran a hand through his hair in frustration and murmured: “Obviously not.”

At that, Casey’s head snapped up. “No, no, no! I do, of course I do!” She wiped some tears from her face and explained between occasional sobs.

“The thing is: Whenever I imagined moving in with you, I got sad about not living with my friends anymore. And now I’ve just realized it doesn’t matter because in a couple of weeks they’ll all be gone anyway, scattered across the country. I’m going to miss them so much. And since I don’t know where I am going to be, there’s no point in moving in with you either.”

She shook her head, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess, it just seems that everything is falling apart. This morning I wasn’t even sure whether you want to break up with me or not and I thought that…”

“Whoa, hold it right there. What on earth are you talking about?”

From Ethan’s shocked expression Casey could tell that it had obviously never occurred to him to break up. Slightly embarrassed she continued in an unsteady voice.

“I mean, the way you’ve been acting lately, especially this morning, you’ve been so rude….”

Ethan gently caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, wiped away her tears, and sighed.

“Oh Casey, I’m so sorry. But you know me; you know that I hate talking in front of patients. And I had a lot on my mind; I’ve been nervous all day about our date.”

He smiled shyly and shook his head. Then his gaze darkened again, guilt clearly written on his face. His brows furrowed, and he backed away a little.

“Although you’re right that I’ve been putting some distance between us lately. But I needed clarity about the whole job situation. And us. All my life I’ve planned everything three steps ahead and then suddenly it felt like I was losing control. I know I can’t ask you to stay because you have to finish your residency at one of the best hospitals in the country. Thus, I have tortured myself to figure out how we can make things work and I’ve been miserable all this time. Until I realized the answer is fairly simple.”

Casey couldn’t believe that they had both been so distraught for weeks, and instead of sharing and confiding in each other, they were just brooding over the challenges ahead, each to their own. Slowly, the uneasy feeling inside her stomach began to dissipate, although she had no idea what he was talking about.

“What answer?”

Ethan took her hand and he gently drew circles on the back of it with his thumb, his eyes following its movement.

“Edenbrook has been my home for almost 12 years now, and if they take it away from me, what else is there? Naveen, of course, and my father nearby, but other than that ….”

All this time Casey held the box with the key in one hand. Now he took it from her and raised the key to eye level. Her gaze wandered back and forth between the key and Ethan. He cleared his throat in search of words, but they didn’t come. Her heart hammered in her chest, the tension almost unbearable. Finally, his blue eyes met hers and he found the courage to speak, his voice husky and low.

“This isn’t just the key to my apartment, Casey. This key means I want to live with you, wherever that may be.”

His last words were only a whisper. “If you’ll have me, that is.”

Casey couldn’t even begin to grasp what it all meant. She would be able to apply to any hospital in the country and Ethan would be with her. Live with her.

An overwhelming feeling of happiness spread through her body.

“You really would do this for me?”

“No, if I’m honest I’m doing this not for you but for myself. I don’t want to go back to being that grumpy cynic I once was before I met you. I’m lost without you.”

The full meaning of his words sent a prickling sensation down her spine, but she was also amused.

“Ethan, you’re one of the most famous and respected physicians, you’ve managed perfectly fine without me for 36 years.”

Ethan put down the key and the box from her hand and took both her hands, his gaze intense.

“But it’s taken me 36 years to find out what it means to be genuinely happy.”

Those last words took all her breath right out of her and her heart was ready to explode. His eyes pierced hers as he waited for a response.

He moved closer und squeezed her hands tightly, his eyes still dark.

“So, what do you say?”

She couldn’t resist the temptation to mess with him.

“Let me get this straight: You’re telling me, if I said no, there would be no one to tell you if you’re acting like a goddam diva again?”

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth realizing what she was getting at. “Probably.”

Grinning she went on. “And who would be there to help you with your social media accounts?”

“Nobody.”

Ethan’s eyes began to light up as she moved onto his lap, mischief in her smile.

“And there would be no one who would dare to tease you?”

“Right.”

Their faces were now only a breath away.

“And nobody there to make you pancakes?”

“Exactly. What would become of me?”

Her mouth moved to the side of his neck. After a line of soft kisses, she started nibbling on his earlobe and whispered. “And no one, who would do this?”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s not hard to find someb…”

She quickly backed away and punched his arm playfully. “Don’t you dare!”

Ethan was now gleaming all over his face. He tucked a finger under her chin and gently nudged her nose with his. “So is that a YES?”

“Do I even have a choice?”

“Not really!”

And then at last his lips found hers, first slowly, barely touching, until they both gave in and melted into each other. All the tension of the day, all the pent-up emotions of the past weeks fell off and there was only him and her. While the kisses grew more and more urgent, his hands started to roam over her body and slowly he unzipped her dress. As his warm hand gently slid down her back, Casey felt his hot breath on her ear.

“If I remember correctly, you promised me dessert.”

“We already had a selection of delicious Italian desserts.”

“But I’m still very hungry. And first of all, this dress has to go. The sight of it has been tormenting me all evening.”

*****

The bedroom was almost dark. Ethan lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. He was unable to put his mind to rest after the events of the day. He turned over to watch the stunning woman sleeping next to him. The moonlight on her face made her even look more beautiful. From now on, he would have the privilege of waking up to this sight every morning. That thought alone made his heart leap.

Gently, he draped the sheets over her shoulder, brushed her hair out of her face and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek; always careful not to wake her.

Smiling down at her he whispered. “I love you, Casey Valentine.”

Never before had these words left his lips. And now didn’t even count either because she couldn’t hear them. He had tried to tell her many times, but the moment never seemed right. Today would have been the perfect occasion, but he had chickened out again.

It was absurd. They had started to plan their future together. Why was it so hard? Three simple words!

Laying back down he whispered, more to himself.

“I’m going to tell you. Soon.

Maybe tomorrow.”

----------------------------------------

Thank you if you have made it so far.

This piece has really been a challenge, it took me forever. I’ve changed it a couple of times and I am still not quite satisfied, but at some point you just have to let go.

Tagging seperately.

[julessworldd]

Little Rose ch. 5

Warnings: cursing, angst, fighting, overdose, flashbacks(if that’s a warning?), a happy ending..

A/n: I wrote down what this chapter was supposed to be focus on, but I got to writing and the focus changed. This fanfic has really fucked up the original timeline of the band, but it’s fanfic so you gotta do spin offs. Not sure how long, I’ll keep writing for this fic. I love this universe along with my others, I’ve created since bringing my work to the public. I’ll stop talking now. Hope you enjoy! :) sorry i missed any grammar errors, what should be warning. I was starting to have a migrane as I was finishing editing. 

I loved being on tour, seeing the world, watching my brother and his band doing what they enjoy so much. This tour was different from any other before, Erin, my sister-in-law is pregnant. Axl had updated me about her and my peanut, Erin had braxton hicks the last couple months. Peanut loved kicking the hell out of her ribs all through the day and night, heartburn from hell, swollen ankles, sore feet. Poor Erin was exhausted and she wasn’t even due for another 3 weeks. Axl had been on edge, worrying that he would miss the birth of his first child. Their manager told him that we would be back in  LA around a week before she was due. It had helped him some but he was still on egg shells, Axl’s behavior was affecting the band. They never seen him so worrisome before, sure that time I had the flu and food poisoning at the same time. We’re all still so young, none of us really knew what to expect with his daughter on the way. 

Duff was in the shower, I was sitting at the table that was in our room, looking over dates. Some many shows and interviews, I don’t see how they function this shit especially on tour. “Hey Pumpkin, what are you doing over there?”, Duff said. I looked up to see a white towel low on his hips, “Just passing time. Get dressed, you’re dripping all over the floor”, I said. “When is baby Rose due again?”He asked. “Huh oh uh”, I flipped through the planner. “September 24th, if she’s not stubborn. Poor Erin is miserable right now”, I smiled, thinking of Erin all swollen belly, waddling around, mental cursing Axl for making her pregnant. “Izzy and I are betting against Slash that Axl will faint when he’s in the room with Erin”, Duff grinned. “Don’t do that. They’re both scared having their first kid”, I sighed. “I’m sorry I already put 30 bucks on Axl fainting and Erin crushing his hand”, Duff stuck his tongue out. There was a knock on the door, Duff walked over to answer it. 

“Hey Izzy”, Duff said, shutting the door. “Hey Izzy, sleep good?”, I asked, shutting my planner. “We need to talk, Jane”, Izzy gritted his teeth. “What now?”, I sighed, trying to read his body language for signs of withdrawal. Izzy was gonna speak but he fainted, He hit the floor hard and started jerking around. “Izzy!”I ran over to him and tried to get him before he hit the floor. 

I looked over at him, his lips were blue, he was fighting for air, his heart was beating hard as I felt his chest. “Shit!”I started to panic, I looked at Duff. He was stunned and rubbing his chest. Possible overdose and panic attack, great. “Duff, baby. I need to breathe okay? Breathe with me”, I said. “1,2,3 and breathe out on 4. Duff, I need to call the front desk and have them get the paramedics here”, I said calmly. Duff walked over to the phone, “Izzy, come on wake up”, I looked for bloody track marks or a needle stuck in his clothes.  “Ma'am, I need you to move for me. Your friend needs help”, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see a tallish, dark haired behind me. “Yeah, sorry”, I said, walking over to Duff. He tears in his eyes, his breathing was out of rhythm again. “Duff, baby I need you to focus on me, okay? Izzy is gonna be alright. Hey look at me”, I whispered, rubbing his arm. “Miss?”, a tiny femme voice asked. I tore my attention from Duff, “Yeah?” “What’s your friend’s name?”She asked. “Izzy Stradlin, 26, April 8th, 1962”, I realized what she was doing. “Okay thank you. What happened? You two didn't take anything right?”

“He came into our room, said he needed to talk to me about something, he collapsed before he got to me and said what he needed. We didn’t take anything. I’m just gonna save you and your partner trouble. Izzy is on heroin and some sorta pills”, I said, looking at Izzy being pulled on the stretcher. “Alright, thank you. I’m sorry you two witnessed his overdose”, She gave a small smile. “Thanks. I have to tell my brother what happened and we’ll be at the hospital”, I said as Izzy was pushed out of the room. “What the hell?!”, I heard Axl yell. “Janiee!!”He rushed into the room. “What happened to Izzy?”, Axl yelled. “Knock it off, you’ll trigger another panic attack for Duff. Izzy collapsed when he came in here, apparently it’s an overdose according to the medics. Axl, I’m so scared”, I cried, Axl pulled me into his arms. “Shhh, it’s okay. We’ll go see Izzy when we can. I’m not gonna let him join the 27 club a year early or ever”, Axl brushed my hair. 

The doctor finally told us what happened to Izzy, he swallowed his entire pill stash, overdosed into a coma. Highly recommend we cancel our show this week. “You can go see him, but one at a time”, the doctor said. “Janie, you go”, Axl gave a weak smile. “Alright”, I turned the knob and shut the door behind me. Izzy laid still on the bed, wires stuck in him, IV bag by his beside with other machines. His face was pale like a ghost, he looked skinnier than usual. “Izzy, it’s me Janie. Can’t believe you overdosed, I thought you were wanting to get clean. You were over the heroin shit and you started pills. Please wake up Izzy! I need you just a bit longer, you’re my big brother. Who else is gonna listen to me when I’m pissed off at Duff?”, I held his hand. Machines just beeped and oxygen was flowing in his nose. “I read where coma patients can hear what’s going around them. I hope you can hear me because I want you to know that I love you very much. Please get better soon. I’m gonna go now, Axl will be pitching a fit if he doesn’t get to see you”, I smiled.  “Normally you would bitch if I hugged you without asking, but tough shit”, I walked up his bed, to hug him. I held Izzy to me the best I could. His heart was still beating fast, but was slower than this afternoon. His bourbon, smoky, vanilla scent was comforting as always but I was the one having to comfort him. 

“You okay?”, Duff asked. “Oh yeah, I just hate seeing him like that”, I said. “I’m gonna see him now”, Axl whispered. I slid down the wall and brought my knees to my chest. Duff pulled me into his lap, “Is he gonna be okay? He looks so pitiful, Duffy”, I asked, holding his hand. “He’s a fighter, little scrappy but yes, he’ll be okay. I know you told him to get better, he always listens to you. Izzy bitches about it but he does it anyways”, Duff whispered. “Yeah”, I smiled a little

 “Now, Janie, I have a friend coming over. Please don’t bother us, I don’t want the little sister crap.”, Bill said. “Alright Billy, I’ll stay out but I wanna meet the poor soul that decided to be friends with you, chicken legs”, I rolled my eyes. “Fine, you can say hi but then you go to your room or go talk to Amy”, Bill groaned. The doorbell rang, “I got it”, Bill said, racing to the door.  “Hey, glad you could make it.”, Bill said. “Hey. Sorry it took so long, mom wasn’t at home. She doesn't like my brothers to be alone”, a voice said. “I understand that. I have three siblings”, Bill laughed. Bill’s friend walked in as Bill shut the door. “This is my younger sister, Janet, but we call her Janie for short”, Bill said, rolling his eyes. “Hi”, I blushed. “Hi yourself. My name’s Jeff, but everyone knows me by Izzy”, the brown headed boy said. Izzy was looking at me, I felt weird and pulled my sweatshirt sleeve down. “Alright, Janie. Leave now”, Bill said. 

Another flashback

I was searching for Bill, he was nowhere to be found. “You promised me that you would bring me home, Billy”, I cried even more. My boyfriend had broken up with me because he wanted Jackie Anderson, head cheerleader. I passed the bleachers heading towards home. “Janie?”, I heard a familiar voice. I turned around and saw Izzy with the stoners(his buddies) and Pam Macy hanging on his arm. “Hey, what happened? You’re crying”, Izzy threw his cigarette bud down and walked towards me. “Eric broke up with me. Said I wasn’t good enough and that I wasn’t a cheerleader, he wanted to be with the head cheerleader instead.”, I tried to hold my tears back. “I’m sorry Janie, he was an asshole anyways. You’re a good girl and any guy would be lucky to have you. It’s his lost and Bill and I hated him.”, Izzy reached up to pet my hair. “Thanks Iz. I’m gonna go home now”, I tried to push by him. He had my wrist, “Come on, I’ll take you for food. My treat”, Izzy smiled. “What about Pam?”, I asked. “You’re my favorite girl and you’re heartbroken, I gotta pay attention to you now”, Izzy smirked. 

“You’ve never listened to the Stones? Janie!”, Izzy threw his head back groaning. “I’m sorry that my step dad thinks that rock n’ roll is devil’s music”, I said. The bell rang, someone had walked in. “Janie! There you are!”, Bill said, rushing to our table. “Bill, lay off. I found her”, Izzy said. Bill looked at my face, “What happened? You were crying” “Eric broke up with me today for a cheerleader”, I said almost crying. “She passed the bleachers and I saw her. I decided to bring her for food”, Izzy said. “Thanks Izzy. I’m sorry about Eric, he was just an asshole anyways”, Bill pulled me into his chest. “Izzy said the same thing”, I said. “I know, I was at the meeting”, Bill laughed. I looked at Izzy and smiled. He winked at me. 

That was when I realized  Izzy was the older brother I always wish I had besides Axl. He was protected and took care of me, I love him for it. “Janie”, Axl said. “Yeah?”, I looked up at him, Duff was holding his hand out for me. Management had come to me about Izzy overdosing well fainting in my room. They wanted to know if I knew what caused Izzy to swallow his entire pill stash. I decided to turn on the radio for a while, sure enough ‘Paint it Black’ came on. First Stones’ song Izzy showed me, it was in his car when he brought me to smoke weed with him near Chicago. 

It had been 96 hours since Izzy was in a coma, he finally woke up and we all rushed to the hospital to see him. “Janie, you go in first”, Axl said. “Why? He’s your best friend”, I sassed. “Lady’s first”, Slash grinned. “Fine”, I walked in. There was a nurse taking Izzy’s vitals when I walked in. “Are you family?”, The blonde nurse asked. “Baby sister”, Izzy answered before I could think of something. “Oh well. I’m done here for now, you can come see your brother”, She smiled. “Thank you”, I said. “Hey Kid, just woke up from a killer nap”, Izzy joked. “Jeffery Dean! You fucking overdoesed because you decided to swallow your pills like candy. Don’t joke about that, you could have actually died. You know what? Fuck your joke, you had us worried to death. Izzy, you fell in mine and Duff’s room in front of us. You came in and said you had something to tell me. Duff barely closed the door before you collapsed on the floor”, I was fuming. “I’m sorry Janie. Management told me to get rid of them, housekeeping found one of my stashes. I panicked.”, Izzy said. “So instead of flushing them like a normal person you popped them like Tic Tacs like some manic?”, I rolled my eyes. Izzy stayed silent. “Your turn Ax”, I said walking out. 

Axl and the boys walked in and I decided to go get a coffee from downstairs. I walked up to the nursing station, “Uh hi. Do you have any idea when Izzy Stradlin is being discharged?” “Hi, what’s the birthday?”, a petite brunette smiled. “7-8-62”, I nodded. “Looks like he needs a doctor to talk to him about his overdose and a last check up then he should be released maybe this evening”,She said. “Are they gonna send him to rehab?”, I asked. “Looks like it might be possibly, he was in a coma for 4 days”, She said. “Are you his girlfriend?”She stood up. “No, more like the baby sister he never had”, I gave a small smile.  “Janie?”, Steven said. “Yeah? Izzy okay?”, I walked over to him. “Izzy’s fine, but we need to talk to you”, Steven said. “Okay”, I followed behind. “Listen, this is your sister, friend and now girlfriend talk not our assistant right now”, Steven stopped, before we reached Izzy’s room. I nodded my head. Everyone was sitting down, Izzy was lying down. “Hey”, I shut the door.

“What happened four days ago was hell, we almost lost Izzy. After, you left Izzy told us how you yelled at him for his drug stash. We’ve made the decision to go to rehab together”, Axl said. “That’s great, but you have a kid on the way.”, I said. “We’re going after she’s born, pretty sure Izzy is going first anyways. We’re gonna go to the same place together”, Axl reassured. “Not to be a bitch, but why was I brought into this. This is a band thing not the singer’s sister and the band”, I looked at Izzy. “You’ve been here since the beginning, we value your opinion”, Slash finally spoke up from leaning on the wall. The doctor came into the discharge Izzy, the band went different ways.  “Seeing Izzy overdose in our room, you run to him with fear in your eyes. I realized that I don’t want that to be me and you freaking out”, Duff said. “Not sure what to say, but I really hope you guys get clean and stay clean. I don’t want to lose my boys so soon”, I hugged him. “You can’t get rid of me that easy, Janie”, Duff held me. “Good, I don’t want to get rid of you yet either”, I said, inhaling his scent. 

Izzy got discharged and we flew back to L.A. before Erin gave birth. Almost 5 days that we got back, Erin gave birth to the new addition to the Guns N’ Roses’ family.  Sarah Aless Rose-Everly, 7lbs and 4oz. 

[peaceisadirtyword]

Surprise (Alex Høgh/Reader)

A/N: Hello! Today is Alex’s bday♥️ so I wrote this lovely anon’s request for today, as it’s the special day. I hope you like it and let me know what you think (I'm not very confident with this one, but I really didn’t have time to rewrite it).

Warnings: fluff, swearing, mentions of alcohol... And I think my bad writing, sorry.

Words: 1984

gif belongs to @alessandra-ives (and it’s my weakness)

It was only 11am and he already had to charge his phone twice. He usually received a thousand messages and notifications every day, but that day was special. 

Everyone had been wishing him a happy birthday since the night before, and he had spent a good few hours on his phone, answering some messages and talking to his family. 

Alex had been looking forward to that day for months, but a week ago his happiness had been crushed when he discovered he'd be alone on his birthday.

Well not alone alone, some of his closest friends were gonna go visit him that night for a few drinks. But you wouldn't be there there. 

The plan had been amazing. You'd fly to Copenhagen the day before his birthday, and would spend an entire week in there, with him. It had been months since he last saw you, and he missed you so much... 

But your boss had ruined everything, and now you had to work for the entire week, so your trip was cancelled. 

You had promised to call, though... He'd do a video-call with you when all of his friends were in there, to talk to you for a bit... And maybe pretend you were in there with him. 

He was on the couch, with the tv on and a book on his lap, but his eyes were glued to his phone. He had turned off all the notifications, and when it started to ring, he immediately picked it up.

"Hey" he smiled widely.

"Hi!" Your voice made him chuckle in happiness, you couldn't call him for a few days, and he missed it "Happy birthday!"

"Thanks" he bit his lip

"How is everything going? How are you?" 

"I'm fine, I received lots and lots of messages, I wish I could reply to all of them but" he sighed "Too many"

"Well, I'm glad no one forgot... What are the plans for tonight?"

Alex's smile faltered a bit.

"Marco is coming, and some other friends, we're gonna have a few drinks... Nothing too big" he shrugged.

"Sounds fun!" you bit your lip at the other side of the phone, noticing how his tone dropped a bit "I really wish I could be there, Alex"

"I know" he run his hand through his hair "It's fine"

"I promise I will go there soon"

"Of course, and I'll go there too" he smiled again.

"Are you sure you're okay?" you frowned "I don't want you unhappy on your birthday, Alex, I... Feel bad"

"Hey don't feel bad, okay?" He got up from the couch and started pacing around the living room "It's not your fault your boss is an asshole, I know you tried, and I'm not unhappy, I swear"

"Really?"

"Yes, come on" he chuckled again "We'll make a video-call, and I'll have an amazing birthday, and the next time you're here, we'll celebrate it again, don't feel bad"

"Okay" you smiled softly "I have a birthday present for you, by the way"

"Does it include a nude?"

"No! Oh my god you're an idiot" you laughed "Shut up, it's not that"

Alex chuckled, leaning into the wall and looking out the window.

"Well, whatever it is, I'm sure I'll love it"

"I hope so"

"Y/N, I'll love it, even if it's a paper bag, I'll love it because you gave it to me"

"Oh my god how do you know it's a paper bag?"

He laughed again.

"Anyway, I have to go to work" you said, and his smile faltered again.

"Okay, tell me when you got home and I'll call you"

"I will, enjoy your day, okay? Marco will tell me if you don't have fun"

"I will get wasted, don't worry" 

"I love you, Alex"

"I love you too, Y/N" the words brought a smile to his lips "Bye, gorgeous"

"Look at you! You are taller" his friends' hugs almost made him lost balance, and he had to put his hand on the wall to support himself, laughing "Happy birthday Alex!"

"Fuck you" he hugged his friend back before he let him go and enter his apartment, now full of very loud and already half drunk people. 

He was feeling good, he still missed you but knowing he would see your face soon (even if it was on his laptop screen) made him feel a bit better.

His phone vibrated on the table, and he smiled widely before taking his laptop and turning it on. Marco, who saw him and smirked.

"Are you going to call Y/N?" He asked, sitting next to him. 

"Yeah, she texted me saying she's at home now, so I'm going to call her"

"It's a shame she can't be here" he sighed, taking a sip of his beer "When will she come?"

"I don't know, she has to ask for some free days at work and... Well, I'll go there if she cannot come" Alex shrugged, not really wanting to think how much time he still had left to see you again. 

You picked up the call immediately, and as soon as your voice sounded on the room, everyone got quiet, sitting on the couch next to Alex and Marco to greet you. 

"Hey guys!" You smiled excitedly.

"Y/N! We need you! Alex has only drank three beers and has this annoying kicked puppy face..." said one of his friends, making everyone laugh. Alex hit his arm and looked back at the screen. 

You looked beautiful, with your hair framing your angelic face in a way that made his heart start beating faster and faster. And you weren't even in the room. 

"I thought you were at home" Alex frowned when he finally looked away from your face and noticed you were on the street. 

"I'm going home" you smiled "I couldn't wait to call you, so..." Your cheeks reddened, and Alex's friends started mocking the way he smiled widely. 

He noticed you had done your make up. Usually, you didn't do your make up for work, but maybe that day was special...

"Fuck, Alex, I need to go for a minute, the battery on my phone is getting really low" you bit your lip, and looked worried "Do you mind if I call you in five minutes from my laptop? I'll be home in a couple of minutes"

"Yeah, sure" Alex smiled again "Call me whenever you can"

"Okay, see you now, love you"

You finished the call before he had the chance to say it back, and rolled his eyes when his friends started laughing at him.

"I love you, Alex"

"Oh my god shut up" he laughed, kicking his friend.

And then, the doorbell rang.

He frowned in confusion. Everyone he invited was already in there...

"I'll get it, you stay here, in case Y/N calls you" Marco patted his shoulder and got up, walking to the door. Alex took his beer and drank a bit while looking at his phone in case you had texted him. 

He was too busy reading some of the new messages he got, and he didn't notice how all of his friends went quiet. Until someone covered his eyes from behind the couch. 

He gasped and heard some of his friends giggling around the room. 

"Happy birthday, Alex"

That voice... No, but it couldn't be possible... But the smell and the voice were unmistakable...

"Y/N?!" He put your hands away softly and turned around. You were there, smiling and biting your lip as you always did whenever you were nervous. You giggled when you saw his confused face and widened eyes. He looked like a puppy "Fuck!" 

He grabbed your waist and hugged you tightly, making you yelp in surprise when he lifted you easily over the backseat of the couch. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He sobbed in happiness, pressing his lips to yours. 

You smiled into the kiss and hugged his neck. 

"Surprise" you broke the kiss to look at him in the eyes "I'm staying for ten days" 

"Ten days? Oh gods" he hid his face in your neck, a few tears of happiness rolling down his cheeks. He had dreamt to be with you for an entire day for months, and now he had ten days... "I love you, I missed you" he muttered, his grip on your waist tightening even more, as if he was afraid you'd leave again if he let you go.

"I love you, and I missed you too" you whispered.

"Hey, you two! Get a fucking room!"

Alex nearly forgot about his friends being in the same room.

"Sorry" he chuckled, wiping away his tears as he let you go. You already had your cheeks reddened and went back to bit your lip. 

"Oh, he's crying!" More laughter, and this time Alex's laugh was a bit more louder.

"I can't believe you fooled me" he scoffed "I should have known, you sounded too happy this morning"

You two were the only ones left in his apartment. All his friends left after some hours of drinking, playing PS4 and even dancing and singing on the balcony. 

"I wanted it to be a surprise" you shrugged, walking around the living room and taking the empty beer cans and the used glasses to take them to the kitchen "It was true I had to work yesterday, so I rescheduled my shifts and talked to some of my coworkers and to my boss so I could have a few days to surprise you" you smiled at him softly, who looked at you as if you were the most precious thing he had ever seen "And... I needed some days more, because I have things to do in Copenhagen..." You bit your lip nervously, and Alex chuckled, throwing the cans to the trash and looking amused at your words. 

"Okay, and what exactly do you have to do in Copenhagen?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I... It's the second part of the surprise" you crossed your arms on your chest and looked away. 

What if he thinks it's the worst idea ever?

"Oh, the surprise has got more parts?" He laughed "You're going to be the death of me, woman"

He hugged you again, and you hummed happily when he kissed your forehead lovingly.

"Yeah, two more parts" you smiled as your back  was pressed against the wall. 

"Well, tell me" he looked at you expectantly, and you breathed deeply before answering. 

"I'm going to... Well, I thought about it for a while, and I applied even if I knew they wouldn't call me, but I had to try, because it was a great opportunity and..."

"Yes?" He widened his eyes.

"I have a job interview in four days. Here, in Copenhagen"

Alex gasped, and you frowned, worried. 

"That means..."

"That I'd move here, in case they... Hire me... Look, I understand if you think this it too much and I can call them and tell them I'm not interested and..."

"Shut up" he grabbed your face, grinning like an idiot "You living here with me would make me the happiest man in the world, Y/N" 

He kissed you again, a passionate and needy kiss that left you panting and grabbing his shoulders to support yourself. 

"Now, shall we go to bed?" He kissed your cheek and you blushed.

"Okay, but... You go first, I have to take the third part of your surprise!" You giggled excited, pushing him to his bedroom before running to the living room and taking the fragile package. 

He was shirtless, preparing himself to get into bed when you entered the room, and he raised an eyebrow as you gave him the package, already excited to see his face when he saw that old camera he wanted so bad and that was so difficult to find. 

"Happy birthday again, Alex"

Tags: @mblaqgi @alicedopey @lol-haha-joke @hallowed-heathen @ivarslittlebadgirl @naaladareia @tephi101 @captstefanbrandt @love-hate-love @titty-teetee @readsalot73 @moondustmemories @thevikingsheaux @therealcalicali @chimera4plums @blushingskywalker @awkwardfangirl02 @credulouskhaleesi @gruffle1 @justacripple​ @heartbeats-wildly​ @inforapound​ @trashcanx @winchesterwife27​

[wellhellotragic]

Be Alright (3/?)

Summary: Sometimes all it takes is one phone call to completely turn our lives upside down.

He’d left. That was all she’d known. He’d packed up in the middle of the night after a stupid fight, leaving no trace behind of where he’d gone. But when David’s phone rang one night telling them that Killian was in a hospital in Boston, everything changed. For Emma, it was the last call she ever expected and it meant facing the ghosts of her past and releasing everything she’d kept bottled up and hidden away.

But then again sometimes it’s the tragedies in our lives that finally let us feel again.

A/N: Better late than never right?

Previous chapters: 1, 2

If Ao3 is more your jam...

They were in Paris, sitting in a cafe just down the street from the Eiffel Tower. Two glasses of wine on the table as they took turns sharing their food with one another. A feeling of pure and complete peace descending upon her.

Things like that didn’t really happen though. Not to people like Emma. She should have realized that it was a dream right away, but part of her wanted to believe it. She’d had that same dream before, in happier times. The first time was just after Killian had finished something on one of his boats. There was a technical term for the way he’d sculpted the wood, carved into it, but she’d never bothered to really learn any of it. No, she’d always been content to just sit in a chair in his warehouse watching him work. Watching as the sweat beads rolled down his face, falling from his chin. The way his muscles flexed under his dampened shirt.

Watching him build his boats had always turned her on, even when they all went as a group to see his latest projects. He was an artist, his creations marvels. He was always so determined and focused, she and David would often have to drag him away. But on the days that she visited alone, she slowed him down immensely. Not that he’d complained. But that was in the beginning. Before she felt confident enough to let him sleep over. Instead she’d sneak a visit to him while he worked, letting herself become worked up in the process. They’d make love there. Sometimes on the couch he had in his office, sometimes on the deck of a boat that was barely large enough to fit one person.

It had been exciting in a way. The newness of whatever they had. The knowledge that they could get caught by an unsuspecting client. On that day, he’d been covered in paint and she jumped him the second he was done. They hadn’t even made it to his office, barely grabbing an old sheet he used as a tarp to shield them from the cold concrete floor. He was insatiable, and she reveled in it.

She dreamed that night. A tiny flickering of something as she curdled into his side on that tarp. It was she and Killian, in France. They toured vineyards, danced in their small third story walkup. They kissed and held each other without care. She was happy, and it terrified her, even in unconscious fantasies; the worry often ripping her stomach to shreds as she lay in bed after. She wasn’t lucky. She wasn’t the girl that got everything.

Every night after the images returned, growing over the months they spent together, until one night when she dreamt they were married and panicked. She woke clawing at her chest, struggling to breathe. Killian had done his best to soothe her, but she was inconsolable. The walls closed in and she felt trapped by the pressure of something unattainable.

She tried to tell him that she couldn’t do it anymore. That she couldn’t keep seeing him. That it would all blow up in her face eventually and the deeper she let him in, the more painful it would be. She tried to end it right then and there but he wouldn’t have it.

They talked all night, yelled, screamed, fought. But he wouldn’t leave. It was the first time she’d allowed herself to cry in front of someone. He just held her tightly and promised her that he would never ask more of her than she was willing to give. He promised to never push her for more. That he would never leave her.

The dreams stopped after that. The terror that always accompanied them falling away as well. She hadn’t even thought about them in years. Not until she dreamt it again sitting in a chair in his hospital room. But this time, she was content. The rush of adrenaline, the quickened heart beats, the constricting chest. All gone.

But it was all a lie. He did ask for more, and then he left. He abandoned her, moved on, and she was left with the dream, the nightmare. Trapped in her own mind, still able to feel his breath on the back of her neck as they danced on the terrace.

And then it was over. Shattered by the shreil beeping of his IV machine.

“Go back to sleep. I’m gonna go get a nurse to check on the machine and make sure something isn’t wrong.”

Emma blinked, trying to fight off the lingering vestige of sleep. To fight the heaviness of her eyelids. The beeping was intense and unabating. Opening her eyes a bit more, she saw a light flashing on the pump. Annoying as the sound was, it had done nothing to rouse him, something that worried her. He should have been up hours ago. That’s what the doctor said.

Mary Margaret and the nurse returned. The latter pushed a yellow button on the machine and the beeping stopped. She checked the bag hanging above it, and the lines leading to the machine, humming a little tune as she did so. Her fingers grazed down the line continuing into Killian’s wrist before she stopped, moving the palm closest to Emma a bit.

“Ah, I think I see the problem. The machine can be really temperamental and sometimes if you twist the hand a certain way it can set it off.”

Emma hadn’t even realized that she’d been holding his hand in her sleep. She must have pulled on it and messed up the needle.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine dear. Just try to keep his wrist straight.”

The nurse gave her a smile and left the room, leaving the door wide open behind her. She hadn’t realized how late it was until she saw how well lit the hallway was compared to the room.

“Where are the guys?”

“Oh, they went and got some rooms at a hotel down the street.”

"Why are you still here then?"

She didn't mean for it to come out quite as harsh as it sounded to her ears.

"I didn't want to wake you just yet, so I figured I would hang around for a little bit. I guess I was hoping that he might be awake by now. I thought giving you the extra time to sleep might be enough, plus you look exhausted."

She felt exhausted. She'd barely slept since she'd arrived, and when she did sleep, it was only in small spurts, unable to get comfortable in that stupid tiny chair. The longest she'd managed was right before he got wheeled back for his emergency surgery.

"It is getting late though," Mary Margaret started back. "We should probably head to the hotel ourselves and get some rest. We can come back in the morning."

Emma's jaw dropped a little.

"Margs, I'm not leaving yet."

"Emma, when's the last time you really slept? And besides, wouldn't a bed be more comfortable?"

It would, but Emma thought her discomfort was a small cross to bear in comparison to everything Killian had been through.

"The chair really isn't that bad."

Her friend leveled her with a stare, the same one she often gave her students when the were being difficult.

"Emma, you're not good to anyone like this. Let's get some food and sleep. I bet Graham would appreciate spending some time with you. You've barely said two words to him since we got here this morning."

It was true. She'd been avoiding him as much as possible. She couldn't look at him, the guilt eating away at her. The guilt of having Graham there in Killian's hospital room. Of having Killian possibly waking up and the first person he saw being Graham. Of wondering if he’d be upset, or worse, if he wouldn’t even care having already moved on. Of knowing how much Graham cared for her and not being able to reciprocate in that moment. Knowing that if she went back to a hotel room she'd be forced to actually have a conversation with him. She didn't have the strength for any of it just yet.

"I can't leave him. I don't want him to wake up alone."

"Well then I'll stay and you go."

Emma squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force her frustration back down.

"Please, Margs. Just go. I'm fine here, okay?"

Mary Margaret studied her for a moment, letting out a sigh, finally conceding. Before leaving, she wrote the name of the hotel on a pad of paper from the night stand. She promised to be by early in the morning with a change of clothes from her suitcase. They weren't exactly the same size, but having just won one battle, Emma knew better than to start another fight.

She waved her friend away and waited. She waited for what felt like forever. The sunlight outside faded completely before it was replaced by the harsh glow of street lights from the nearby parking lot. She waited as she listened to family members saying goodbye to the other patients. The changing of the late night show turning into an infomercial. She waited.

Another hospital staff member came in about an hour later to check his vital signs again, seemling unbothered by his still slumbering state. Emma smiled at him as he typed away in the computer he’d rolled in.

“I’m sure he knows you’re here. That he can hear you.”

His words had taken her off guard. She’d become so accustomed to the silence.

“I’m sorry?”

“Well, there’s nothing to back it up, scientifically I mean, but I’ve been here for a while now and I’ve seen things. Patients that have loved ones talking to them tend to have better outcomes.”

“Oh, I’m not- I mean, we’re not.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

With a sad smile on his lips he left, not realizing that he’d left her heart imploding. She had been that once. A loved one. Then he’d left and found someone new. She was just a ghost to him now. The world’s shittiest ghost. The one dreaming about a man that had left her, crushed, while the world kindest man slept alone miles away. A man that loved her and deserved so much more than her traitorous heart could give.

“I, uh, I don’t know if you can really hear me or not. Hell, I don’t even know what to say. Not after all of this time.” Her voice caught and a lone tear fell down her cheek. “I guess I should tell you to fight. That’s what people do in these situations, right?”

That’s what they did in the movies at least. They listed off all of the things that they still had to live for. Loved ones and kids and life goals. But he didn’t have any of that anymore, not that she knew of. His brother was dead, his wife was dead, days had passed and no friends had come for him other than her family and boyfriend. For all she knew, he was alone in the world. Then again, she didn’t really know him, not anymore.

He was a stranger to her.

“Storybrooke hasn’t changed at all.”

Coward.

“Someone tried to bring in a Starbucks last year. The wanted to set up right across from Old Lady Lucas, but everyone rallied around Granny to keep them out of town. Went all the way up to the mayors off. And Grumpy got his one year sober chip about two months ago. None of us ever thought we see the day. What else? Oh, Ruby and Victor broke up. We had a girls trip to Vegas to cheer her up, and I guess it worked because she came back married to a woman. I walked in on them in the shower last week. Then they asked me to join them.”

It was a cheap shot but a small part of her hoped the idea of two women lathering each other up in a shower might be enough to peak his interest. That he might shoot up and give her some of that infamous innuendo he was so well known for.

Nothing though.

“Okay, well if that didn’t do it for you, I don’t know what will.”

She gave his hand a squeeze before standing up to stretch out her back. Mary Margaret was right, night after night in that tiny chair had really done a number on her spine. Soon she was going to have to admit defeat. If nothing else, just long enough to run to the hotel to clean up. The hospital staff had given her some washcloths and soap but there was no replacement for a hot shower.

Even as she excused herself, stepping into the bathroom to wash herself off one more time before calling it a night and settling in for another stretch of restless sleep, Emma felt guilty for wishing she was at home, in her own little apartment. Using her own shampoo and crawling into her own pajamas. She felt horrible for complaining to herself though. Not when Killian was about to have his entire life turned upside down. Assuming he ever actually woke up.

There was a very real possibility that it wouldn’t happen. She’d heard the doctor talking outside. Rounding as they called it. They’d said his head ct had come back clear, but she’d seen things. Heard horror stories from cops in surrounding counties about how one minute a guy seemed fine and the next he was gone. She knew that doctors weren’t perfect. They made mistakes. For God’s sake, they couldn’t even save his hand. They couldn’t save Milah either.

Milah. He didn’t even know. How was she supposed to tell the love of her life that the love of his was dead?

She turned on the water faucet and gave herself sixty seconds. One full minute to let herself fall apart. To let the tears fall and anger get the best of her. To let everything she’d been trying and failing to bottle up pour out.

When she was done, she turned the faucet off, letting her breathing calm. Looking in the mirror had been a mistake. Her face was puffy, eyes blotchy red. She was a mess. Plain and simple. Not that it mattered in the middle of the night when the only person around was fast asleep. In a coma, actually. Isn’t that what it was?

She had to fight off a new wave of tears thinking of it that way. She needed to shut her brain down before it got the best of her. If she kept up at the rate she was going, he’d be a ghost in her mind before she ever even left the bathroom.

Drying her face and trying her best to shake the thoughts from her mind, she opened the bathroom door and turned off the light. It was a struggle finding her way back to the chair, her eyes no longer used to the darkness in the room. She’d held her breath as she stubbed her toe on the foot of his hospital bed, not wanting to wake up other patients with her screams. It was fine, she didn’t really need that toe anymore anyway.

With the sting still running up her foot and leg, she grabbed the blanket she’d been using and curled back up into the chair. She’d only just found a position that didn’t make her want to die when she heard a voice in the dark.

“Who's Grumpy?”

[parkaiur]

[Real]istic Fiction - Mashiho

❀ Fluff + comedy ft. brother!Junkyu

❀ Word Count: 8.8 K

❀ After getting your first F on a creative writing assignment, and your first F EVER, you start to lose confidence in your writing abilities. Thankfully, your professor gives you one more shot, but this time, you can’t write something you’re comfortable with, leaving you with more and more insecurities about your writing. Soon your brother and best friend launch Operation: [Real]istic Fiction, or also called Operation: Making the boy in your creative writing class fall in love with you... but that’s too long. As the week goes on and you start to become less and less like yourself; you start to wonder if the boy you’re seducing is really the one you like... and why does your heart beat a bit faster when you see your best friend? 

❀ dedicated to all the fanfiction writers out there ♡

❀ A/N: this was written with all the fanfiction writers in mind :) and also this particular character resonates with me a lot since im (obviously) a fanfiction writer myself and there’s lots of prejudice surrounding it & sometimes it can affect me,, not only with the prejudice but with the pressure from the expectations :( and sometimes it’s hard for me to write about something ive never experienced or never felt comfortable with... hmmm /sigh/ i wish i had a mashiho and junkyu and all of the other characters in here hehe,, no spoils :0 

i hope you guys enjoy this one because i really enjoyed writing it! 

-------

“F?!?! I got an F?!” 

I shouted in my seat, feeling anger run through my veins. My professor looked at me with a pitiful, yet stern face. 

“Y/N, I’m open to discussing grades after class. Come meet me if you have the time.” She whipped her head around and ignored me once again, leaving me to feel hopeless and lost at the terrible grade. 

No, it’s not like I was the best student. I got some A’s, but got mostly B’s and C’s, especially in my first quarter at college, but I wasn’t an F student. This was one of the biggest essays of this quarter and I could NOT let this tank my whole grade. 

Creative writing was one of the only classes I felt confident in, and at this grade, I felt like a total loser and jipped of something people always told me I was good at. I was one of the most popular fanfiction writers online and to receive a grade as bad as this was embarrassing!

“Class is over, talk to me if you have questions about the essay or grade.” 

“It’s okay, y/n, Irene is a tough cookie. She is probably just doing this to push you.” My classmate, Byounggon told me. I nodded and tightened the straps on my backpack to release my anger. I tightened them, and loosened them, something I did when I was nervous. 

Byounggon was three years older than me, so I decided to put my trust in him. “I hope you’re right or else I’m going to tear out all my hair.” I said dramatically as he let out a bark of laughter. 

“See you later, kid.” I waved him off as I stormed over to Irene’s desk.

“An F...” I trailed off, wiggling my fingers at her. She scoffed and took a look at my paper. “You told me I was an amazing writer when we did timed writing in class, how could this be? Is this a mistake?” I shot questions at her as she adjusted her glasses calmly.

Even looking at her made me angry.

She sighed and cleaned her desk with a serene face. “Y/n, you’re an amazing writer yes, and to be honest, I was very disappointed with your writing for this short story.” I furrowed my brows and looked at my writing. It wasn’t a big difference from what I wrote in class, how could it be so bad?

“Can I ask how? It has no comments on here.” The professor sighed and didn’t look at me as she talked to me, twiddling a pencil in her hands. 

I grew impatient at her actions as I still had lots of homework to do. “Y/n, this is plagiarism. It was ungradable.” 

My eyes widened at her profound accusation. “Excuse me?” I spat.

She then locked eyes with me and looked at me tiredly. “Y/n, you used characters from a book that was already written. That’s plagiarism-”

“No! That’s not, yes, these characters have names already, but I gave them a new life, a new personality, a new story!” Irene patted me on the shoulder.

“Honey, fanfiction is not professional. I’m sorry, but my word is final.” 

I felt tears threatening to fall from my eyes, but I couldn’t cry in front of her. She noticed my sad mood and sighed. “Ok, here’s the deal. I wouldn’t offer this to lots of people, but I know your potential.”

I nodded quickly, my hair whipping in my face.

“I’ll give you til’ next Monday. A week and a couple of days to write a new story for me. A real one, with your ideas- not fanfiction. Got it?” I nodded furiously. “Ok, I trust you, don’t let me down!” 

I scurried out of her classroom, my tears finally falling in anger. I wiped them away. 

“Woah, woah, woah, why are you crying? Are you okay?” 

At the familiar voice, I sobbed harder and fell onto the boy’s broad chest. “Woah there,” he exclaimed. He rubbed my back and patted my head slowly even though he didn’t know the situation. 

“Mashiho.” I whined softly. He sighed and hugged me tighter. I loved hugging Mashiho, he felt so firm and buff. Even though he was on the shorter side, he felt manly whenever I held him. 

He pulled away and looked at me in the eyes. “Y/n...” He tried not to laugh at my crying face. I slapped him lightly on the cheeks. He gasped and started to laugh. 

“Stop laughing!!” I cried harder at his teasing face. His face turned serious and he wiped my tears. “Ok, ok, tell Mashi what’s wrong.” I sniffled and wiped my tears on his sleeve.

“Professor Bae gave me an F on my short story!” At my announcement, I cried harder onto his shoulder. People in the courtyard stared at us, but I didn’t care at the moment. I had worse things going on in my life. 

“Look, tell me more about it at the dorm, c’mon.” He picked me up and I just held onto him like a baby.

My dorm was a 10 minute walk from campus, but Mashiho got me there in 8. I guess it helped to work out. 

“Y/n, we need to climb the stairs now.” I nodded and ran up the stairs with him, not wanting my dorm mates to see me.

Mashiho and I had been best friends since he moved here from Japan in our sophomore of high school. I was quite the introvert and hated to talk to people on top of that. I was constantly annoyed and hated to converse with my peers. 

Mashiho and I clicked immediately as he was persistent on becoming my friend, the moody girl in his biology class. 

I used to like Mashiho when we first met. He was that nice guy. And a pretty one at that. All the girls talked about him, fawning over his good looks and nice body, and a kind personality on top of all that. I almost felt proud that I was the one he talked to everyday. That I was the one he talked to about his problems, his concerns, and his good days. 

I thought he didn’t take interest in those other girls until he told me he liked a girl in our biology class a few months later. They were dating the next day. 

And I never liked him again. It was one of those fleeting crushes that wasn’t really a real love. 

I’d never been in love. 

“Hello? Y/n?” Mashiho’s hand fluttered over my face. “Open the door?” I sniffled and unlocked it. I immediately ran in and plopped on my bed. 

I let out small cries and sobs into my pillow, feeling the anger and sadness leave my body. The bed shifted and Mashi laid next to me, pulling me close to him. 

“Woah, not too close!” My eyes shot open and I looked to my right. 

“Junkyu!? What are you doing here?!” My older brother laughed and dangled keys in front of me.

“I’m chilling in your dorm, duh. I was getting bored.” He lifted the keys again. “Oh yeah, I stole your keys and made a copy of them.” I groaned and laid back on my bed. Mashiho rubbed my back in soothing patterns.

Junkyu was one year older than me and unfortunately, the only college that accepted me was the one he went to. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother, but comparing me and him, he was the one everybody loved. I was the one everyone tolerated.

“Hey dude, how was class?” Junkyu asked Mashiho. The younger boy shrugged.

“Alright, much more interesting after y/n came running into my arms sobbing.” I flicked him on the forehead and he scooted down to hug me. “I’m joking.” He said softly, making my heart race. 

“What?? Why are you crying y/n??” Junkyu cried, jumping onto my bed. Oh great, the dorm beds barely fit one person, now there were three. 

“Irene gave me an F on my short story because she said it was plagiarism! How dare she! I’ve been writing fanfiction my entire life, and never once has anyone told me that what I was writing was wrong!” I shouted into my pillow. I felt the both of them pat me on the head, soothing my anger. But it just made me more angry. I shooed their hands away and shot up. 

“y/n, I mean, how did you think writing fanfiction was going to go in your class?” Junkyu said carefully. I could see Mashi shaking his head at him. I pushed Junkyu off my bed and hugged Mashiho tighter.

“Ow, you dick-” Mashiho pushed Junkyu and shooed him away.

“What he means y/n, is that did your professor tell you if you can make up the grade?” Mashiho said while patting my head. I always felt calmer in his hands. 

I sighed and nodded. “Yeah, she told me I could rewrite a whole new short story by next Monday, then she would give me the credit on however I wrote that.” The two boy’s shot up.

“Oh my God, y/n, that’s amazing! You can do that, one hundred percent!” Junkyu slapped my back which made me yelp. Mashiho laughed and immediately soothed it. “What he said, without the slap.” I glared at Junkyu and laid back down.

These boys wouldn’t understand, they’ve been in love twice. They didn’t have the same problem as me.

I sighed loudly which didn’t go unnoticed to Mashiho’s ears. “What’s bothering you?” He stared at me with his big doe eyes, and I know I couldn’t lie to him. I leaned against my wall and stared at the two of them.

“I just... I just can’t write ‘real’ stories. It feels weird to me... Like I get writing for characters that already exist because I can see their love.” I sighed loudly. “I’ve never been in love, so I don’t know how to write it. It’s hard for me to show my emotions and be so vulnerable.” I whined. 

The two boys were silent at my confession, which made me nervous. The silence was cut by my annoying older brother.

He laughed and stared at me like it was obvious. “What?” I snapped.

He laughed again. “It’s obvious.” Mashiho looked at Junkyu in confusion. 

“What?” Mashiho asked. Junkyu sighed and stood up. He grabbed a whiteboard. 

“It’s easy. You need to fall in love.”

❀ ❀ ❀

Mashiho and I stared at the older boy with bug eyes.

“What the fuck?” 

Junkyu sighed and started to write something down. “Seriously! You just need to fall in love and then you can write your story. You said that you have never been in love so you never have felt vulnerable or weak in that sense, so you need to get yourself to experience it. It’s simple.” 

I exchanged glances with Mashiho who was staring dumbly at the wall. 

I wiggled my nose and stared into my brother’s eyes. “Ok... you know, when you say it that way, it kinda makes sense. I just need more experiences.” Junkyu clapped his hands.

“YES! Experiences, you just need to put yourself out there a little bit. Everyone knows you as that weird writer chick who likes to read and plot everyone’s murder, so you need to try and break out of that! Like go to parties, flirt with boys, I don’t know, wear revealing clothes...” 

Junkyu trailed off and wrote something on the board. “We’ll call it Operation: Realistic Fiction. Brackets over the Real because this will be your fiction novel, and it’ll very much be real. You get to be the protagonist this time!” He said cheerfully. I glanced over to Mashiho who was boredly tossing a ball against my bed. 

“What do you think, Mashi?” I asked with a soft voice, twiddling my fingers round and round. 

His approval meant a lot to me, and I don’t think I could go through with this whacky plan without it. 

The boy locked in my eyes with cold eyes that I almost fell back. But then he smiled, a familiar Mashiho smile. “It sounds crazy, but I think it has good aspects.” Junkyu squealed and hugged the boy. 

“Great! It’s a go, now, let’s think of boys that I think are a good fit for you.” 

He jotted down a name. “Yoonbin?” I cringed and scooted away. “Hell no, too emo and angsty for me.” Mashiho nodded in agreement. Junkyu crossed off the name.

“Ok, um, how about Jihoon?” I shook my head. 

“No, no, he’s a little... too much for me.” Junkyu nodded and crossed his name off. He then thought long and hard and wrote a name down quickly.

“How about Byounggon hyung? He’s charming, nice, sweet, funny, handsome, smart, and easy to talk to.” Junkyu went on and on about him. “He’s a perfect fit for you, he’s like one of those boys in those cheesy books you read!” 

I blushed and twiddled my thumbs. Byounggon was a really nice guy and he was easy to talk to. And him being in my creative writing class would help a lot.

I bit my lip and twirled my hair in my finger. “You’re right, Junkyu. Byounggon would be a perfect guy to fall in love with.” The two boys high-fived, and suddenly I had no choice. 

I saw Mashiho’s happy smile when Byounggon’s name was announced, making me lose hope that maybe Mashiho wouldn’t want me to go through with this plan. 

“Ok, fine, operation, fall in love with Byounggon. And have him fall in love with me?” I questioned.

The two boys nodded. 

“Good, now, the planning. We only have one week to do this, we have to start planning now!

❀ ❀ ❀

Junkyu left my dorm after two hours of planning, which made my head throb in pain. 

“My brother is dumb and smart at the same time.” Mashiho nodded and pulled some apple juice out of my fridge. 

“That he is. But are you sure about this? You’re kind of... shy and uhhh aggressive.” He noted. I rolled my eyes and sipped out of his cup, the apple juice giving me some sugar. 

“I’m sure. I need to put myself out there, plus, Byounggon is nice, even if this doesn’t work out, he’ll still be my friend. But, with Junkyu’s help, I think it could possibly... work.” I said with a hopeful tone. Mashiho snorted at my voice. “What’s so funny?” I glared. 

The boy said nothing and just shrugged. “Nothing. You hungry?” I nodded as he threw me a ham and cheese sandwich that was in my fridge. I caught with ease as he took the tuna. 

“How was your day? You didn’t say much.” I asked him. He shrugged and munched on his sandwich.

“Nothing that exciting. Nothing too bad. I mean, some girls asked me for my numbers, but that’s it.” I rolled my eyes and bit my sandwich angrily.

“Wow, you say that say calmly. If a boy asked me for my number, I would faint.” Mashiho laughed and took a sip of juice.

“No you wouldn’t, it’s not that crazy.” For you, I wanted to say. Mashiho was always being followed by girls and I’ll admit, I liked it when he ignored them for me. Mashiho was still my best friend despite having so many admirers. 

I tossed my napkin away and sat back down. Before I could say anything, I heard my door open, signaling the arrival of my roomie.

She was with her boyfriend who was walking her in. “Hey, y/n, hey, hot boy.” She winked at Mashiho as soon as her boyfriend left. Mashiho gave her an awkward smile.

“Hey.”

“Hey Jessica.” 

Jessica was always trying to get with Mashiho. I somewhat think she’s joking, but sometimes I don’t. 

“Um, I’d better go now, that calculus homework won’t do itself.” Jessica laughed and waved to him.

“Bye, Mashi~” She cooed. I resisted the urge to barf. 

He waved to the girl and then to me. “Later, Mashiho.” 

“Later.” 

Then he left. 

“Ugh, he’s so hot, how haven’t you guys hooked up already?” I choked wildly on my apple juice. “Like forreals, have you seen that boy? Yum.” I rolled my eyes and hid my blush.

“We are just friends, Jessica. Nothing more, nothing less.” I narrowed my eyes at her and she backed away, holding her arms up. 

“Fine, fine, I’ll back down.” 

I bit my lip, wondering to tell her about Byounggon. Jessica wasn’t the smartest person, but she was good at getting boys. This was her third boyfriend since getting into college. And we started school in August. It was January. 

And that was not counting her multiple flings inbetween.

“Um, I actually like this boy named Byounggon.” Her eyes widened and she tossed her lolipop she was fiddling in her mouth.

I cringed at her intense gaze. “Really? I mean, Byounggon is hot, but I always thought you had the hots for Mashiho. Anyways, good for you!” She cheered, patting me on the shoulder.

I shook as she patted me harshly. I cleared my throat, “Um, would it be bad if I started to borrow your clothes too? Like with your permission of course.” 

She paused what she was doing and stared at me with her intense cat eyes. “Dude... of course. What the fuck, take anything you want as long as you give it back. Show him what he needs, rawr!” 

I hoped I wouldn’t regret this.

❀ ❀ ❀ 

1. You must talk to him, initiating conversation shows that you’re interested. 

I looked at the notes Junkyu typed in my phone and took a deep breath. You can do this, y/n. I walked into my creative writing class and saw Byounggon already sitting there, playing on his phone with his hood up. 

I carefully took the seat next to him, and smiled at him. He glanced up at his phone and smiled back.

I wiped my palms on my jeans as I prepared myself for the conversation.

“Hey, Byounggon, how was your day today?” I asked kindly. The boy set down his phone and thought about it for a while. “Hmmm, good question. I would probably say pretty good so far. How ‘bout you?”

 I noticed his soft smile and kind eyes as he said those words. Is it working? How will I know if it’s working? 

I bit my lip, searching for a cute answer. “Um, not too shabby. Better now that I’m in this class.” I said honestly. I liked this class a lot, despite my grade falling drastically at the F. I mean, I could improve it by writing my short story, so I tried to stay positive.

Byounggon smiled and twiddled his pencil. “Oh really, what makes you like it so much?” He gave me a taunting smile as I didn’t know what to say. Shit, flirting wasn’t this early.. what do I do? 

Suddenly, I heard a bunch of papers slam on the desk. “Ok class, get ready to write!” 

Phew, saved by Irene. 

❀ ❀ ❀ 

“How’d it go?” Mashiho asked. I grumbled as I took a harsh bite of my apple.

“I don’t know! Um, so basically I told him that I liked our creative writing class and then he was like ‘what makes you like it so much’ and I think he wanted me to say he was the reason?? Am I wrong?” I practically yelled at Mashiho.

The boy chuckled and set me down gently. “Yes, that’s what he wanted. That means you’re doing great, y/n. See? Boys like you.” He ruffled my hair, then his phone started to ring.

“Hello?” He answered quickly. “Um, yeah, I’m free, what’s up?” I felt kind of hurt that he said he was free since we were hanging out. But I guess we see each other every single day. “Uh, yeah, sure. I’ll be there.” 

He hung up the phone and gave me an apologetic look. “Sorry, um, I have to go now.” He said, slipping on his shoes. 

I bite my apple once more.“What for?” 

He sighed and slipped on his jacket in a frenzy. “Um, this girl I’ve been seeing, she just asked me to have lunch so... yeah.” 

I nodded and gave him a thumbs up.“Cool, cool, have fun! Wear protection.” He rolled his eyes and flicked me on the arm.

“Whatever, weirdo. See you later, prepare for tomorrow!” I nodded forcefully and closed the door, trying not to let my sudden aching heart get in the way of Operation: [Real]istic Fiction. 

❀ ❀ ❀ 

2. You must compliment him. Guys LOVE to be complimented and it also shows that you’re interested. Make sure you seem really interested in what you’re complimenting so that he knows it’s not just you being nice. Be deliberate.

I sat down, earlier than Byounggon today and prepared a compliment. He walked in with a black hoodie and black jeans. His earrings were in today, and I had to admit, he looked good. 

Really good. 

“Hey, I really like your earrings, they look cool.” I complimented as sincerely as I could. The boy fiddled with his earrings and smiled. “Thanks, dude. I just got these.” 

They dangled down and wiggled as he kept moving his face. I’ll admit it, I like guys with piercings. “Nice pick.” 

He nodded and gave me another dimpled smile.

The professor walked in, cutting our conversation short. “I like your earrings too, they’re cute.” He whispered in my ear. 

I blushed at the proximity but smiled back. 

Score. 

❀ ❀ ❀ 

“Uh, I complimented his earrings today. I mean, he did look really good today. Like, really good. Like, I was about to drool in my seat dude.” I babbled to Mashiho. 

We were in the courtyard today, away from all the people. It was a slow Tuesday thing. He picked at his fries, not really paying attention to me. 

“Um, hello? Mashiho? Mashi?” I waved my hands in front of his face. He peered up at me with bored eyes. I sighed and took a bite of my salad. “What? Did I not compliment him, right?” I said in a small voice. I was terrified of messing this up, terrified! 

Mashiho then pushed his fries away and stood up. “You’re doing just fine, y/n. He’ll be in love before you know it.” I furrowed my brows as he started to put on his shoes and jacket.

“W-where are you going?” I asked quickly. 

Mashiho sighed. “Another date, sorry. See you tomorrow?” I nodded furiously, trying not to feeling emotional at his departure. 

As he turned away, I let them fall freely. I rubbed them, wondering why he was leaving me for other girls all the time.

 Did he not care for me anymore? 

I sighed and picked up my lunch to throw it away. 

Whatever, it’s not like I like him anyways.

❀ ❀ ❀ 

3. Openly state how single you are: dropping your single state will definitely be a BIG hint that you’re interested. It’ll show that you’re available and I already know Byounggon is available, so you don’t have to worry about that part. 

I walked into class and saw Byounggon playing on his phone like usual. 

As I walked towards him, he looked up at me and smiled. “Hey, y/n, what’s up?” He said first. He initiated conversation, that’s a good sign. 

I sat down and pulled out my journals, casually of course. “Nothing much, umm...” I thought of what to say that would make me seem single. “Oh, well kind of in a bad mood.” He furrowed his brows together in concern.

“Aw, why?”I gulped and bit my lip. “Um, because last night my room mate Jessica and her boyfriend were being super lovey dovey in my living room and it was just disgusting. I cannot handle couples, especially when I’m single.” I lied. 

Byounggon then gave me a confused look, making me nervous. “Huh.” He finally said. 

That doesn’t sound too good.

“Huh what?” I asked to further understand his concerns.

Byounggon shrugged and tilted his head like he was unsure of himself. “Oh, it’s just I thought you were dating Mashiho.” 

I stopped moving for a couple of seconds until I burst out into nervous laughter.

“What? Mashiho and I? No!! Never, we’re just friends, pfft.” I said quickly, rambling off random words. 

Byounggon raised a brow and leaned back in his chair. “Mashiho is also dating someone right now so... yeah that would be awkward if we were dating as well.” I joked, hoping he got the point.

Byounggon gave me a sad look. “Well, I’m sorry.” 

“S-sorry for what?”

 Byounggon looked at me with a serious stare. “Uh, because you like Mashiho, right?” 

I froze at his words, stopping every movement I was making. 

My mind went numb at his accusation and I didn’t know what to say. 

“What? No! I don’t like Mashiho, that would be so weird. He’s my best friend, only my best friend. Just friends, you know? Buddies, bros, best buds...” I trailed off, realizing how stupid I was sounding. 

I looked over to Byounggon who was giving me a tight smile.

“One more synonym and I’ll believe you.”

 ❀ ❀ ❀ 

“So, what did you guys talk today?” Mashiho stuffed his faced with a bunch of chips as we were chilling in my dorm room again. 

This time, Junkyu was with us. “Yeah, how was the whole announcing of the single thing? Tell us everything!” I bit my lip as they waited in anticipation. 

“U-um…” I trailed off. “Basically I told him that I was annoyed of Jessica and her boyfriend canoolding on the couch and how it was even grosser since I was single.” I noted quickly, not mentioning the whole Mashiho thing.

Junkyu clapped his hands together. “Good! He got the message then, now, tomorrow and the day after, it’s your turn to make him notice you!” 

Junkyu brought out the clipboard again and pointed to trick number 4. 

“Number four: wear revealing clothes. Guys are dogs, they obviously like seeing some skin, especially when a girl rarely shows it.” 

Junkyu looked at me who was wearing a flannel over one of my t-shirts and blue jeans. I frowned. 

“How much skin are we talking about? Y/n can’t just stroll in half naked to school.” Mashiho argued, finally saying something this entire day. 

Junkyu smiled which made me worry. “But she can.” Junkyu pulled out random outfits that came out of nowhere. 

“Where did you get those?” I snapped.

“Jessica. She gave these to me before she went to class, telling me you were asking for some new clothes.” Junkyu wiggled his eyebrows as I blushed beet red. 

I looked over to Mashiho who was staring at the pile of clothes.

“Fine. I’ll do it.”I brought the pile of clothes into the bathroom, staring at the crop top and high-waisted skirt that would barely cover my butt. I was a bit taller than Jessica, meaning it would probably skim my upper thighs. 

I gulped when I slipped on the shirt first, which showed lots of my stomach and cleavage. The skirt wasn’t as short as I imagined, but if I walked too far, I might be in trouble.

“Are you done yet?! Hurry up, we don’t have all day!” Junkyu shouted.

 I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door.

The boys both stared at me in silence, wondering if I had put something on wrong. 

“Bro… you’re going to steal Byounggon’s heart, he’s going to have a heart attack.” Junkyu said hugging me. I looked over to Mashiho who was watching me with a strong gaze. It was a way he had never looked at me before, which made me nervous.

“What? You think it’s too much, Mashi?” I asked, twirling for him to see. He stared at me, lowering his eyes to examine my full body. I blushed at his intense stare.

“Woah, there, that’s a lil’ much.” Junkyu said, patting Mashiho on the back. The younger boy grunted and lightly shoved the older boy away, only locking eyes with me. “Well, I gotta go right now, Yoonbin just told me that he lost his suit pants for the wedding he’s going to this weekend. Bye, have fun kids.” 

Junkyu got up and left right away, leaving me alone with Mashiho. 

It was awkward... and we didn’t ever get awkward.

“What? You don’t like the outfits?” I mumbled, staring down at chest that was widely shown in the shirt. Mashiho licked his lips, which sent chills down my spine.

He didn’t respond, showing he was irritated by something else. I bit my lip, thinking of what to say. “How’s it going with that girl? Anything new?”

Mashihho ran this fingers through his curly hair and shrugged. “Not really, it wasn’t really going anywhere. Turns out she only liked me for who she thought I was and not who I really am.” 

I frowned and patted him on the back, trying to ignore how happy I felt at that situation.

Why do I feel happy? I should be feeling bad for him right now. You idiot, y/n.

“Aw, that’s sucks, hopefully, the next girl will see you for who you really are.” 

Mashiho shrugged and looked to me with an intense stare, like he was trying to tell me something. He then stood up and paced around the room.

“Look, I’m going to be honest with you right now. This whole Byounggon thing is sort of freaking me out. He’s only starting to like you because all of these things you’re doing. This whole caked on makeup thing and flirting thing and bubbly, giggly thing and now this revealing outfit? This isn’t you, y/n.” 

He wasn’t yelling yet, Mashiho didn’t yell when he was angry, but this was the most passionate I’ve seen him. 

But it got me angry. 

The plan has been going smoothly ‘til now. Just when Byoungon is starting to flirt with me, Mashiho backs out.

“Why are you telling me this now? It’s already too late, I’m committed. And so what? I mean, this plan is helping me get the guy since no other guys seemed to like me before this!” I yelled angrily, fiddling with the top that seemed so out of place right now.

“Bullshit, you don’t need to change yourself because of a guy, this isn’t some cheesy teen girl book where the guy starts to fall in love with your real personality, Byounggon is only falling for the girl he thinks you are! You're going get to get hurt!” 

Mashiho cried out, clenching his fists to control his anger. 

“So what if I get hurt? Isn’t that what happens when you’re in love? Pain? Jealousy? All those ugly emotions? I need those emotions for my story, Mashiho! I need to experience these things like a normal college student!” 

His broad chest was moving up and down as he tried to pull himself together. Usually I would start to calm him down, but I had no time for it. I wanted my answers. 

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” He whispered. 

I plucked a stray hair off my shirt, trying to hide my tears. “Well, too late.” 

Mashiho didn’t respond, leaving my dorm room, and leaving me with my distorted thoughts.

❀ ❀ ❀

4.  Wear revealing clothes, show some skin sister ;) Guys are dogs, they obviously like seeing some skin, especially when a girl rarely shows it. Make him go crazy.

I felt uncomfortable in every way possible.

I’d gotten whistled at about 10 times and I’ve only been on campus for 2 hours. Disgusting. 

I poked my head into my creative writing class and saw Byounggon already sitting there. I stuck my head back out and took deep breaths. 

You can do this, you can do this, prove to Mashiho that you can do this.

I walked in the class, trying not to fiddle with my crop top or pull down my skirt. Byounggon glanced up at me, and then did a double take. He looked up at my face and I felt awkward as he examined the makeup Jessica put on my face.

“Woah.” Byounggon said with an unsure voice. That gave me some confidence. 

“Woah what?” I teased, making my voice higher than it already was. I felt gross.

The boy raised a brow and scanned me up and down. “Woah this. New wardrobe? Did you win the lottery or something?” I chuckled and brushed my curled hair over my shoulder, hoping he could smell my perfume.

This isn’t you, y/n.

I pushed Mashiho’s voice out of my mind. 

“Hah, no, I just wanted to switch it up I guess. Why? You like it?” I leaned in closer to him as he stared at me with dark eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

He was about to say something else until Irene walked in. 

Damn, I really wanted to hear more compliments.

❀ ❀ ❀

After class, I stood to leave first, but Byounggon grabbed ahold of my hand. I tried not to look surprised. 

“Hey, uh, my friend is hosting a party this Friday night, wanna come?” I hid my surprise with a gasp and chuckled, girly like how Junkyu told me. 

“Oh sure, that’ll be so fun! Who’s hosting?” 

“Kim Seunghun, his parties are always wild. It’s off campus, I’ll come pick you up at ten.” As he finished those words, he walked out of class, leaving my mind in jumbles.

I followed shortly after him, but was stopped.

I paused and saw Mashiho staring at me with sad eyes.

“Got what you wanted?” He spat. I felt my earlier happiness turn into anger at his words. 

“Yes.”

“Ok, good.”

“Good.” 

I walked past him, deliberately not looking back to see his expression. 

❀ ❀ ❀ 

5. Ignore him. Let him want you. Guys like the push and the pull. 

note: since you’re going to a party with him later, that’s when you get to be all over him. 

It was the last day of the project.

I was wearing tight jeans and a low-cut blouse. I felt awkward as my shirt kept slipping down, but I had to power through. It was the last day of Operation: [Real]istic Fiction.

I took a seat next Byounggon, not even sparing a glance as I sat down.

Be cold, be pretty, make him want you. 

I heard Junkyu’s voice echoing in my mind, egging me on. 

“Hey, y/n.” I heard the boy say. It took every ounce of self-control I had to not reply with a cheery answer.

“Hi.” I responded coldly. I could tell Byoungon was confused. I guess that should be a good sign?

The boy shifted in his chair, already uncomfortable at my behavior. “Um, how’s that story going? It’s due on Monday, right?” 

I thought about how to respond to his question. I simply shrugged and dragged my hair over to one side. “It’s ok.” 

I hated myself right now. 

I tried not to let Mashiho’s voice of doubt run through my mind.

Byounggon sighed and leaned back in his chair. I could hear him tapping his pen on the table rapidly. “Ok, you still on for tonight?” 

I finally looked back at him and nodded with a light smile. “Definitely.”

He gave me a dimpled one back.

“Cool.”

❀ ❀ ❀

“What do you wear to a party?! Should I wear a dress?! Pants and a t-shirt?! WHAT?!” I screamed, looking at my bland closet. 

Junkyu groaned and got up from his chair. As I got done with classes, I immediately called Junkyu to help with my fashion dilemma. 

“Ugh, Mashiho is better with fashion, why didn’t you call him?” Junkyu sassed. 

No, I did not tell Junkyu I was fighting with Mashiho. Was I going to tell him? Probably not. 

He always took Mashiho’s side when we were arguing anyways. And he wouldn’t understand this argument.

“Because you’re my brother, anyways--”

Before I could finish, Junkyu pulled out an outfit and threw it at me. “Try this on.” 

About 10 outfits later, I told Junkyu to sit down and I would do this myself. 

“I told you, call Mashi, he’s better.” Junkyu whined while laying on my bed. I bit my lip and ignored him, not wanting to let down my pride and call him. Mashiho would probably just tell me to go in a t-shirt and put on a leather jacket with some skinnies or something. No matter how hot that would be, I had to dress a bit girly tonight to impress Byounggon.

Mashiho wouldn’t understand, he looks good in everything he wore. 

“I’ll just wear this, and be done with this.” I grumbled, slipping on some leather type pants Jessica owned with a crop top. It was cool and funky as well as sexy.

“OOF, I should not let my baby sister walk out like that... but I’m going to... because I’m a good brother who wants her to have love.” 

Junkyu pretended to wipe a tear away and pretend-sobbed on my bed, leaving me to roll my eyes at him and do my makeup. I wasn’t an expert, but I had the basics down. I decided to leave my hair straight as it fit with the outfit. 

“Y/n, it’s almost ten, Byounggon is gonna be here soon~” My older brother wiggled his brows at me as I pushed him aside. “And yes, you’ll be gone when he comes.”

After I said those words, I ushered Junkyu out of the door while he protested. 

“Text me when you leave, when you get to the party, when you leave the party, and when you get home! I’m still your big bro you know.” He gave me a serious stare, one he reserved to try and intimidate me. It never worked.

I sighed and patted him on the back. “Ok, ok, just go, he’ll be here any minute now.” I said nervously. My palms were sweaty and I applied extra perfume to make sure I wouldn’t smell bad.

Just as Junkyu left, I heard a knock on my door. I shot out of my seat and gave myself a glance over before I opened the door. 

Byounggon was standing there, looking spiffy in a tight, black, long-sleeve and black skinnies, but adorned with a couple necklaces and rings. 

He gave me a quick smile when he saw me.

“Hey, you look good.” He said immediately. I blushed and tried my best to act girly. 

“Thanks, you’re not too bad yourself.” I teased while stepping out of the door.

We walked downstairs together and that’s when I realized:

I had never gone to a party before. 

❀ ❀ ❀

The party was rowdier than I expected.

I had always listened to music about parties and having fun, but it was nowhere as crazy as I imagined. The loud music was attacking my senses and the weed and alcohol upset my stomach. I tried not to make a face when Byounggon looked over at me.

“You good?” I nodded vigorously, trying not to let my disgust and anxiety show. I took tiny steps with him as we made our way through the huge crowd of people. There was strobe lights everywhere and alcohol on the floor. 

It was a mess.

I felt my heart beat pick up as I felt myself being shoved through the crowd. I wasn’t used to being around so many people and now that I was experiencing it, I just wanted to be alone. 

Soon, we got out of the big crowd and to the makeshift bar area, aka, Seunghun’s kitchen.

“Hey, Seunghun!” Byounggon yelled over to the tall brunette who was taking a body shot off a girl. Disgusting. 

Seunghun popped his head up and immediately did that bro shake with Byounggon. “Hey, dude! Didn’t know you were bringing a date!” Seunghun turned his attention over to me and pulled me in for a hug. I felt uncomfortable with the smell of alcohol on his breath.

“Yah, it was sorta last minute.” Seunghun wiggled his eyebrows and pointed over to the alcohol. 

“Cool, well she’s hot so it’s all good. A little nerdy but that’s your type right?” I felt my cheeks burn at his words. I had been trying to shed the image of my nerdy self this whole week and yet it still was like I had “bookworm” tattooed across my forehead. 

Byounggon wrapped an arm around me. “Hey, dude, don’t be an ass.” He lightly reprimanded. I tried not to let Seunghun’s words affect me, I mean he was super drunk.

Seunghun’s eyes widened. “Oh no no, that wasn’t an insult. It’s a compliment, refreshing I would say. Like a refreshment LOL.” I tried not to cringe as he said the acronym out loud. Then, he tilted his head, “It’s just weird that you brought a date though. I thought you had a thing with-” 

Byounggon’s body stiffened but I didn’t get to hear the rest of the statement when Seunghun was dragged away by someone else, probably going to take another body shot. 

“Sorry about that, Seunghun is an absolute dumbass when he’s drunk. He’s only a little bit of a dumbass when he’s sober.” I let out soft laughter, but I could barely hear Byounggon over the loud music and intense yelling. I hated every second I was here. 

My tenseness didn’t go unnoticed by Byounggon. “Hey, are you sure you’re ok?” He asked, concern laced in his voice.

I nodded rushedly, before I could lose my confidence. “I’m fine!” I replied lamely. I couldn’t flirt with him, I couldn’t do anything with this obnoxious atmosphere.

Byounggon gave me a tight smile and held out his hand. “Let’s dance!”

❀ ❀ ❀

I hated dancing. And being on the dancefloor. And feeling other people’s bodies on mine.

It was awful. I felt so cramped and I couldn’t even relax to have a good time. 

Byounggon on the other hand was an amazing dancer, I couldn’t even compare to him. The only time I liked dancing was when I was having impromptu dance parties with Mashiho. Mashiho was the only person besides my brother that I could let down my guard with. 

Byounggon grabbed my hands, trying to get me to dance and to have fun. But I couldn’t focus on anything besides the people around me and how cramped and dirty I felt. 

I could see Byounggon stop losing interest in me.

“He’s only starting to like you because all of these things you’re doing. This whole caked on makeup thing and flirting thing and bubbly, giggly thing and now this revealing outfit? This isn’t you, y/n”

I was wrong. Mashiho was right. 

I can’t do this, this isn’t me. 

I looked up from the dancefloor and saw something I never wanted to see. Mashiho was there, dancing with another girl, totally into her. His eyes were bright and happy, I knew he was having a good time. I could always tell what his emotions were. He spun the girl around as she laughed, her skirt twirling in the sea of people. 

I was jealous. 

Really jealous.

Jealous of the time they were having.

Jealous I couldn’t be as carefree as that girl. 

Jealous that I wasn’t that girl. 

“Y/n, y/n?” Byounggon’s shout snapped me out of a trance. I looked up at him with blurry eyes. “Are you ok?” 

I stood still for a moment, confusing those around me.

I took one more glance at Mashiho who was still dancing with that girl and as he leaned in closer to her, I looked away.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.”

Then, I ran.

I ran out of the house as soon as possible, running at a pace I didn’t know I was capable of. I ignored Byounggon’s shout for me to stay, but I had to leave--I had to get out of there. 

Only barfers were outside as I dashed past them, careful not to step on anything gross. I made my way down the block and crouched down, feeling the worst I’ve ever felt in my life.

This was the pain everyone talked about. 

The pain you get when you try so hard to fit in and you just don’t. The pain you get when you’re not somebody you want to be. 

The pain you get when you love someone so much and they don’t love you back.

And that pain wasn’t from Byounggon, but from someone I didn’t know I’ve loved for most of my life. 

I picked up my phone and dialed a number.

“Jessica? I need a ride.”

❀ ❀ ❀

I knew Jessica wouldn’t ask questions. If another girl calls you to run away from her date, there’s only bad news involved. 

Seunghun’s house wasn’t that far from campus, so we got home pretty quickly.

“I brought home fried chicken, I know that’s your favorite.” Jessica noted in a high voice, her tone more delicate than usual. I shook my head. “No, I’m fine. I just need sleep.”

I looked at my phone once and saw floods of messages. Mostly from Byounggon, asking where I went and that he was sorry. 

And then five from Junkyu, messaging me about how bored he was.

None from Mashiho.

I laid in my bed, looking at the time. It was only 11:10. I hadn’t even been in that place for an hour. 

“Are you going to sleep?” Jessica asked, about to turn off the lights. 

I looked up at my ceiling. 

Then, I said the most y/n sentence I’ve said this week.

“No... I’m going to write.”

❀ ❀ ❀

“Here, I finished over the weekend.” 

I handed the paper to Professor Bae, all 20 pages of my short story. She raised a brow and skimmed through it.

“Good, all normal names. Now, run along, class starts in 10 minutes.” 

I nodded and turned to walk out the door before I turned back around. The professor caught my eye and gave me a tight smile.

“Why did you become a creative writing teacher? Not a research paper teacher or a lit teacher or something, why creative writing?” I asked abruptly. I don’t know why I asked the question, but I anticipated her answer.

Irene set down a pen and gave me a soft smile, contrary to her intense ones.

“Y/n, I think we’re more alike than you think.” She started. “I love to write-not just like-but I love it. I love losing myself in a story, I love the reading my stories when they’re done and imaging me as the main character.”

I nodded, knowing how she felt.

“I write because I feel alive when I write, I feel happy.” She said, pointing to her heart. “It comes naturally to me, like breathing or walking; it’s a part of me.” 

“How do you write about things you’ve never experienced before? Like if I’ve never broken an arm, but wanted to write about a broken arm, how would I write about that?” 

Irene gave me a sad smile and took one step closer to me. She patted my head gently and spoke to me with soft eyes. 

“Imagination my friend. Imagination and reality are vital to any writer; only the best ones can combine both.” 

She then picked up a stack of papers and started to head down the hall.

“Take a day off, y/n, you need one.”

❀ ❀ ❀

I sat in the courtyard, reading a book as I munched on pretzels. 

Yes, I had been avoiding Byounggon, Junkyu, and especially Mashiho the entire weekend. I texted Byounggon, telling him I was alright and got home safely and that I was sorry, he responded that he was glad and that I didn’t have to explain if I didn’t want to.

He was so easy to fall for.

Why couldn’t I have fallen for him?

“Hey.” 

I looked up from my book and saw the familiar face. 

“Hi.” I said awkwardly, setting down my book.

Byounggon sat next to me, looking at me like he wanted to say something. 

“What?” I barked harshly. 

I thought he was going to be seriously offended, but he simply just started to laugh. “Damn, I missed the old you. I’m glad she’s back.” 

I scoffed and took a harsh bite of my pretzel.

“Yeah, yeah, everyone else did too.” I mumbled. 

“Look, I just wanted to come and apologize about Friday night, I didn’t know it would overwhelm you so bad and you were obviously uncomfortable. I should have brought you home.” The boy then took a deep breath like he was hiding something.

I was annoyed by that. “Well, just spit it out.” I spat.

The boy held in his laughter and leaned back to let the sun shine on his face. “Um well, I was sorta, I mean I didn’t realize it, but I was sorta using you to get over this other girl. Um, it’s complicated and I don’t really know my true feelings for her yet, but yeah I’m sorry, that was mean of me to do.”

I paused, soaking in his words.

Then I laughed. 

“Oh gosh, that’s so funny.” Byounggon proceeded to look at me like I was crazy.

I shook my head and held my hands up, “Oh not that part, I mean that I was sorta using you too. To deflect my feelings for this other guy that I thought I had lost feelings for, but in reality, it was just hiding all this time. Or more of I was burying them.” 

Byounggon smiled and took a pretzel from me. 

“Well, maybe you should go talk to this guy. And I’ll talk to that girl. Sound cool?” 

I nodded, shaking on it. 

“The coolest.”

“Also, welcome back to being a nerd, I knew you would come through with that paper.” 

I slapped him on the shoulder, but I couldn’t help but be proud of my title.

❀ ❀ ❀ 

“Well, maybe you should go talk to this guy. And I’ll talk to that girl. Sound cool?” I read aloud. 

The lamp was shining bright on my face as Mashiho laid on my lap. His big eyes were closed as I held the stapled pieces of paper over him. 

I sighed, slapping him with the pages. He gasped and cringed, but made no movement to sit up. 

“Ouch! What was that for?!” The boy rubbed his nose in furious motions as I rolled my eyes. 

“I’m tired, let me go to bed! It’s already 3am you meanie.” I pouted while taking a sip of water. At least it was a Friday night, I did not want to attend my 9:30 class with raccoon eyes. 

Mashiho pouted, huffing like the baby he is.

“You have to finish it! Does y/n get with the boy? Does Byounggon talk to that girl he was interested in? Tell me!!” 

I flicked the boy on the neck as he flinched in pain.

“You imbecile, this story is about us! You know how it ends!” I poked him on the neck as he giggled like a kid.

“I know, I know! I just like to hear listen to it again. It is nice reflecting on all our actions and you make our story feel so... dramatic.” 

“It was dramatic.”

“Yeah but you make it dramatic dramatic.” He countered.

I held in my groan as I stared down at the paper that was already blurring together. 

“Ok, fine, I’ll continue.” 

That seemed to please him as he relaxed his body once more. 

“Blah blah, blah blah, kiss, blah, mashiho and y/n, blah, junkyu-”

At my incoherent rambling, Mashiho shot up from my lap and pulled me down to lay next to him.

“Mashi! Oh my god, let go of me!” I whisper-shouted as it was too late for this. I dropped the paper on the ground as he held down my hands. 

“I was joking.” He said abruptly. I leaned back so I could examine his face, which was drooping and sad.

“Joking about what?” 

“I don’t like listening to your story just because it’s amazingly written and dramatic, I like listening to it reminds me of how bad I hurt you and reminds me of how I should treat you from here on,” he said confidently. I noticed how his face pinched together in pain and regret and instinctively, I reached out my hand to soften his face. 

“I like reading this story because it reminds me of how powerful I can become and it’s sort of fun being the heroine for once.” I admit with a smile. 

The boy looked at me with a tilted head. “Y/n, this is your life, you’re always the the main character of your life.”

I sighed and softly kissed him on the lips.

“You’re right, Mashi. And you’re my hunky male lead.” 

[the-writing-dump-bin]

Hello, i just found your page and was up til 5am reading all your jjba nsfw and omggg i fell in love with characters i never thought twice about, your work is to WRITHE for! im not sure if you take prompt requests so im sorry if im over stepping, but id love some gentle, but firm Bruno nsfw where he slowly woos you and then spends a very "eventful" night with you 🖤

Sorry for the wait, I had a ton of distractions while trying to write. Hope this is okay for you!

NSFW 18+

[[MORE]]

Going to small, lesser known cafes wasn't really Bruno Buccellati's style, being the leader of a gang and all, but he came here for you.

Three months ago, he was on a small stake-out mission and wound up at the cafe you worked at. He had gotten a table a few booths down from the person he was following; you were his waitress. "Evening, my name is Y/N, could I get you a drink to start?" Bruno didn't look at you right away, his eyes still on the man a few feet away, but when he realized you were standing and talking next to him, he looked up at you; completely taken by your looks. After idle chit chat, he almost forgot about the man he was following. He paid his tab and gave you a quick thank you and goodbye and left.

Since then, Bruno had been coming to you whenever he could; even if it was just for a cup of coffee, he couldn't sit unless he ordered something.

"Bruno!" You greeted when he came through the door; he sat at the counter. "I'm glad to see you're back. Can I get you the usual?"

"Of course." A couple weeks ago, Bruno had told you that he was going on a "little vacation" and wouldn't be around for a while. He kept his profession a secret from you, for now anyways. Someday he would tell you what he really did. He smiled his sweet little smile to you when you handed him his cup. "So, you're glad to see me?"

You couldn't help but smirk, guess you walked into that one. Bruno always flirted with you whenever he came in, giving you compliments with flirtatious tones, resting his chin on his palm as he looked at you with half-lidded eyes. Sometimes he ordered food just for it to sit there untouched while he talked to you. "How was your trip?"

"It was... Interesting." Was all he said, not wanting to elaborate about his previous mission. He took a sip of the coffee you made him, god you knew just how to make it for him. "Listen, Y/N, I was wondering if you would like to have dinner-

"Hey, waitress!" Shouted a man from a corner booth. He was a semi-regular at the cafe, but he was an incredibly rude man. "We're ready to order!"

Sighing, you excused yourself to tend to the loud man. Bruno turned to stare at his coffee cup.

"Forget it, Buccellati."

Bruno's head shot up and turned to the direction of the sound from where he heard his name. Just in the corner, was the cook, Geno, leaning against the wall next to the door to the kitchen. His eyes narrowed at him. "How do you-"

"Know your name? Ive got people on the inside too. You've been sniffing around here for months after Y/N and each time you've asked her out, she's always swerved you. Isn't it about time you gave up?"

Bruno stared back at the man. Yeah, he had asked you out a few times already, and each time you said you had something else planned. But that never stopped him. He was determined to get at least one date from you. He would have said something in retaliation, but you came back with the order you just took, handing it to the cook and looking very irritated.

"Geno, here is their order. They're the picky guys who come in every so often, can you just make sure they are satisfied with their food?"

"Of course." Geno gave one last look to Bruno before disappearing back into the kitchen.

"Sorry about that, Bruno." You sighed, topping off his coffee, "You were saying something earlier?"

"Um... Yeah, a little bit. I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me."

You smiled bashfully. This was the fourth time Bruno had asked you if you wanted to do something with him, and each time, you said you had other plans. But you didn't. It's not like you didn't like Bruno, because you did, its was that you were too shy to say 'yes'. He had been charming you ever since that night he first showed up. Those deep, blue eyes entrapped you every time they locked with yours, making your heart thump so hard that you thought it would leap straight out of your chest. "Oh, Bruno..."

Bruno bowed his head, knowing that familiar tone you used. "You have plans. Right." His eyes went soft, glosing over with tears he refused to let fall. Maybe Geno was right. Maybe he should give up. He brought up his head slowly and saw Geno staring at him from the little opening where he would pass the servers their orders to carry out. Shoving his hand in his pocket, he placed the money for his coffee on the counter and got up. "Thank you, Y/N. I'll see you around." He made his way out the door.

Each time you did this, you felt bad. Bruno was obviously into you and you were into him. So why couldn't you say 'yes'?

"Y/N," Geno hollered. "Your order is up."

You didn't move; eyes still fixed on the door where Bruno left.

"Y/N! Your order is up! They're going to get rowdy soon if you don't-"

You ran around the counter and out the door, trying to catch up with Bruno. "Bruno!" You huffed when you finally caught up to him.

"Y/N? Whats the matter?"

"Y-Yes."

"Huh?"

"Dinner... I go to dinner with you."

The grin couldn't be contained. He didn't want to ask if you were sure, afraid you would changed your mind after you said it. "Wonderful!" He pulled out a small piece of paper and wrote on it. When he handed it to you, he let his fingers linger on yours. "See you then."

---

Is this really the spot? You asked yourself. Sitting in your car, you looked at the piece of paper with the address Bruno had written down for you yesterday. You expected to meet him at a resturaunt, but here you are, parked in front of a house.

You had already been nervous about the date; almost deciding not to show up at all. But you steeled your nerves, dressing up in a cute skirt- not too short, but not too long either. Your shirt fit you just right. Your hair did up the way you wanted. You looked good. Standing at the door, you weren't sure if you should knock or ring the doorbell. Mentally slapping yourself, you rang the doorbell, sighing with relief when Bruno answered the door- you had the right place.

Bruno smiled widely when he saw you. "You made it. Come in." He moved out of the way so you could enter.

Shyly, you walked inside. His house was gorgeous and very well decorated. Your wandering eyes fell to the dining room table. It was set very romantically with a white table cloth, lit candles with wine and wine glasses in the middle. Bruno had went out of his way to set everything just perfect for you, you felt a little guilty for even thinking about skipping the date. "Bruno, this looks amazing."

Bruno was happy to hear that you liked it. "I thought it would be nice to have a quiet dinner together." He brushed your cheek with the back of his hand. "You look wonderful." You blushed hard. His touch was so gentle. He guided you to the table and sat you down in a chair. A moment later, he brought you back a plate full of the food he prepared. "Thank you, Bruno. It looks delicious."

The evening was very pleasant. The two of you had a lovely time catching up from the last two weeks while he was gone. The food was great, he really knew how to cook.

You were having a really good time, then you noticed that Bruno was sitting next to you a little bit closer than he was earlier. His hand rested atop of yours, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. You could tell what he was feeling; you knew he had a crush on you for awhile. And you had one on him too, but you were just too shy to be as bold as him. "Bruno..."

"I'm sorry, cara," He started to pull his hand back. "I'm being too forward."

At the last second, you grabbed his hand before it left yours, lacing your fingers with his. "No, I'm sorry. I know how strongly you feel about me, and I feel the same way, I just don't know how to-"

Very softly, Bruno cut you off with a tender kiss; his breath hitting your lips, sending shivers through your body. Once you processed what was happening, you quickly melted into the kiss, giving your own back. Bruno's free hand slid onto your thigh, rubbing the hem of your skirt between his fingers. That caused you to form a knot in your waist.

Your mind started to cloud. Was it the wine or Bruno's intoxicating kisses that was causing this feeling? Probably a mixture of both. His hand dared to slide up farther, brushing against your panties, making your breath hitch. Soon, he moved them to the side and shoved a single finger between your increasingly wet folds.

Bruno started with a slow rub over your clit, making you grab the seat of your chair, moaning at the pleasure you were being given. "O-Oh..." His hand pulled away, making you whimper with disappointment. "No, Bruno... Dont stop."

His kisses moved to your neck; his tongue running over your skin in small licks. "I don't plan on stopping, amore." He stood, pulling you up with him and cleared a part of the table, laying you on top of it. He leaned over you, running his hands up and down your sides as he kissed you deeply. Your hips arched into him, grinding against his thigh that he placed between your legs.

Unbuttoning his shirt, you discarded it but left the lace he wore underneath it-he was pretty hot in that thing. He removed your shirt as well, unhooking your bra and throwing it across the room. He took a moment to look at you before he latched onto a nipple, softly running his tongue around it.

Next was the pants. Your hands reached down, unzipping them and freeing his ridiculously hard cock. Bruno straighten up and pulled your hips closer to the edge of the table, pulling down your skirt and panties and wrapped your legs around his waist, lining up with your entrance. He scanned your face, looking for any indication to halt his actions, but found none.

Slowly, and gently, he slid inside; your walls adjusting to his member. You could feel the care he had for you with each inch you took; he didn't want to hurt you in anyway. Once all of him was in, he gave you a moment before starting a rhythm, pulling out slowly and then back inside. "Are you alright, my love?"

"Y-Yes..." You huffed, wanting more as the knot in your waist grew tighter. "B-Bruno... Faster..."

His hands gripped your bottom, lifting you up to penetrate you at a better angle. He started thrusting faster...faster...faster...

The table shook with your movements as he pounded into you harder. The plates and glasses eventually made their way off of the surface, smashing into the floor. Bruno didn't care, he could always get more. Right now, all he wanted was you.

Leaning back down over you, he breathed into your ear as he continued to fuck you. "I'm so close, tesoro."

"Me too. Ah... Ah...keep...go-ing...!"

You couldn't help but let out a pleasurable scream as your orgasm waved over you. Bruno pushed into your pussy and chased your orgasm with his, filling you right up with his seed.

Coming down from your highs, Bruno's face hovered over yours, pushing sweat soaked hair from your face with his hand. He didn't really have any words, but smiled when you smiled at him. Cute little kisses where shared as he pulled out of you, using a napkin to help clean you up.

Standing in the middle of his dining room, naked, he pulled you into him and embraced you. "I'm so happy when I'm around you, Y/N. And what we just did..." He was in heaven.

Playing with the lace sticking to his skin, you felt the same as him. "I-It doesn't have to end here, does it?"

Bruno looked down at you, eyes softly staring into yours. "If you don't want it to. We can keep going for as long as you wish."

Another shot of excitement ran through your veins. You were definitely interested in spending the night with Bruno. He took your hand and brought you to his room.

This was where the night would really take off...

[aion-rsa]

How Batman Evolved During Tom King's Run

https://ift.tt/2Pxp0je

Bruce Wayne's adoptive father is the key to Tom King's conclusion to his run on Batman.

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This Batman article contains spoilers. 

Tom King did the impossible. In a comics industry founded on the bedrock principle that only the appearance of growth should ever be shown, he’s told a massive, three-year, 85-issue story that has Bruce Wayne actually develop as a character.

With Alfred’s death earlier in the final story arc, "City of Bane," many would have expected Bruce to shun his supporting cast and dedicate himself to revenge, leaving Gotham littered with shattered criminals as he pushed his grief through his fists and his enemies’ faces. But that’s not what happened. 

We got a chance to talk with King about character growth, how his epic tale developed, and what’s next for Batman, Catwoman, and King himself in the DCU. 

Den of Geek: You talk about Vision, Omega Men, and Sheriff of Babylon being a thematic trilogy, right?

Tom King: Yeah.

Can we look at Mister Miracle, Heroes in Crisis, and Batman the same way?

Oh yeah, 100% yeah. That's what I think of it. Yeah. I'm glad someone noticed.

It's about heroes managing trauma, right?

It is. I call it the Trauma Trilogy. That's just too easy, maybe. I feel like the first story about my war experience and [the main characters of each book] were all someone naively going into a situation and finding it much more complicated than they thought. And then these three were all about, I’ve said this publicly a billion times, about this nervous first-season-of-the-Sopranos breakdown I had in 2016 when I first started on Batman, and sort of how I recovered from that. And I sort of wrote it three different ways. Yeah, it's like some fancy dish, you know. The Trauma Trilogy.

Read More: How Batman Will Change in 2020

So the breakdown in 2016 happened after you had already started on Batman. How far is what ended up on the page drifted from what you initially conceived it to be?

I mean it's pretty close. There's some stuff that didn't quite pan out. Batman isn’t like a series like Mister Miracle or our upcoming Strange Adventures that we're doing. You have to write Batman with some degree of compromise because it's a much bigger platform and overlaps a lot of other books. You have a lot more eyes on it in terms of editorial control. And so yeah, it wasn't entirely a straight line, but considering it was 85 issues of DC's best-selling comic, I think it was a lot straighter than I thought it would be in terms of going from one spot to another.

It was always supposed to be about a love story and that was there from day one. I remember talking about that with my first editor, Mark Doyle...being like, “What is this book about?” And me literally just searching and searching until I found an old clip of the Batman ‘66 TV show. It was just like, “Oh man, I love this." The Catwoman, Batman dynamic.

And it hadn't been in the books in a long time. Not since, like, Judd Winnick, New 52 stuff. So that part about it, the fact that it was just one big love story. That was the same and Bane was supposed to be the main bad guy. But the stuff with Flashpoint, Batman evolved as we went along. I'd say that's the thing that's evolved the most.

We talked that second arc, I think, about Bane, Catwoman, and Batman being three sides of the same shitty coin. But now with Thomas included in there, it feels like it's kind of four points on a graph, labeling each axis. You've got like Batman who had privilege but lost everything at a young age. You have Thomas on the other end who had everything for most of his life and then lost everything. You've got Catwoman, who was born into nothing and kind of hangs on to everything but keeps it at arms length. And you've got Bane, who kind of grabs whatever he can and crushes it to death. As Thomas evolved into this, does that sound like what you were thinking at all?

Yeah, I do think they all represent this idea of who's top of the mountain in their own way. I guess you could say who does Gotham belong to? Bane sees Gotham as a prize that he has to win. Thomas sees Gotham as a burden. For Catwoman, Gotham is just who she is and she's sort of queen of that city. And then for Batman, it's ... I mean that's what the whole question is. What does he mean to Gotham? 

With Alfred's death, was it kind of a backdoor way of you taking a look at Bruce's origins? You know, using the death of a father figure to kind of shock him out of being Batman the way that he was shocked into being Batman?

Yeah, but it was also a way to show what the difference is between Bruce losing his parents when he was young and connected to them, and Bruce losing Alfred having been raised by Alfred. To me that was a tribute to sort of Alfred's parentage of Bruce for all these years and him guiding him through that trauma. Because you expect Batman in that moment to bury himself in anger and go insane and do all the things that drove him to be Batman in the first place. But instead of that, he hears Alfred's voice and he composes himself. To me it's sort of about the maturing of the character and maturing of it through the love of Alfred. I know I said this in the book, there are no good deaths. There's a nobility to death if you've treated your children right.

Read More: Batman and Catwoman Face Thomas Wayne in Final Tom King Issue

Well, I would quibble with that only because I think you could have killed Batman at any point in the last 85 issues and whatever was happening would have been a hell of a way to go. Right? Like he has a heart attack on a ferris wheel with Superman. That's a pretty okay way to do it. 

Wait I did kill Batman! I killed him in annual number two.

Oh yeah! Yeah.

I gave him my ideal death. He dies instead as an old man surrounded by his family.

And that's the good death.

That's a good one. That's as best as you can do with no other choices.

After 85, it feels like that's kind of the direction, right? Batman for so long has been that traumatized little boy, to the point where it's almost a parody, and many of your predecessors have done something interesting with that. But it always feels like the traumatized little boy has been the dominant perception of him, at least in my adult life. Is this your way of kind of trying to push him through it? 

The story of Batman is unending conflict. I'm sure whoever comes after me will embrace the Batman of their own and I bless him for doing it. I know James [Tynion IV, the writer taking over Batman with #86]’s stuff is going to be, from what I've seen, amazing. Batman's not a story that I have the power to end. I just kind of come in and take the reins for a while and then pass it onto someone else as brilliant as James and Tony [Daniel, the artist on the first arc].

But I can sort of, I don't know, tell my story. I don’t know, maybe I'm too old to write Batman. Frank was 29 when he wrote The Dark Knight Returns. I'm 41. But it seems like as you get older and you actually see your parents pass, you see your loved ones pass, you realize that everyone has to go through that trauma. Right? You sort of realize that it can become part of you and something you're proud of as well. The grief never leaves you. It never leaves Batman. It's a wonderful metaphor. But also there's a certain joy to that grief because it sort of unites you with your lost ones.

So hopefully, as you go on, you sort of mature into that. I hate to say that the greatest hero America's ever created, which is Batman, never got a chance to mature into it like the rest of us hopefully get to do. Yeah, I mean that's what that's about. He says, when I was a child, I did childish things and now it's time to grow up a little bit.

Read More: Why Tom King Is Leaving Batman

So the action sequences have been phenomenal through the whole thing. There have been some stellar fight sequences, especially Jorge [Fornes'] last ten issues. Every time he comes in it's incredible.

He’s ridiculous.

They've been phenomenal. When I think back on the run, what I think is going to jump out at me are going to be the quiet moments. The double date, 12 Angry Batmen, Bruce and Selina grabbing a beer and watching football at a bar. What do you think was about those quiet moments that let you make them sing?

I mean, the first thing is the art. All three of those things you mentioned, you've got Lee Weeks...there's not a lot of people who can draw a dynamic room with just 12 people talking. Clay Mann doing the double date. Just him elevating himself and becoming the best artist in comics while I was watching. And then Mikel [Janin]. I've been with Mikel for five years now since Grayson. He did the first Batman I did and he’s doing the last.

It's really hard. I mean, as dumb as it sounds, it's probably easier to draw a dynamic fight scene than a dynamic quiet scene. So those guys are doing the heavy lifting.

As far as the other stuff goes. You know, it's ... DC Fontana died yesterday, right? The Star Trek author, and she's famous for saying, “Star Trek is not about objects. It's about characters.” Like, that's her thing. If you're writing an episode of Star Trek, don't make it about the thing. Make it about the people's relationships. So I think that that's what those moments are about is we've had a lot of conflicts. Fantastic, amazing conflicts about things. But I try to make my conflicts about the characters. Just trying to follow what she told me to do. What she said. Not that I ever met her but I remember what she said to do.

So looking back, is there an issue that stands out in your mind as something that you just absolutely nailed? Like, it's the Batman/Elmer Fudd issue, right?

No, I hate it. [laughs] I love that issue, but there's two typos in it. It still drives me crazy. I'll never manage to get them to fix those. When I first got the comp finished, I threw in the trash I was so pissed. "Oh, I ruined this one. Oh well. I'll try again next time." And then I won awards for it, it was ridiculous.

All three of the annuals I really like. I like the dog story that David Finch and I did in the first annual, which was suggested by my daughter when she was like five. 

And I liked the second annual, which has sort of the first dates and the beginning of the end of the Catwoman/Batman relationship. That annual's the jumping off point for the whole Batman/Catwoman series. So that's how much I like it, I'm trying to copy it. 

And I like the fourth annual I did with Jorge, which was just sort of like a chance for me to do a thesis statement on what Batman is. And there was seven days of Batman in seven different genres and then it continued sort of forever. I like those three.

Read More: Why Tom King's Batman #86-106 Would Have Been About

Similarly, is there an issue that you wish you could get another crack at?

Oh man, there's a ton of issues I wish I could ... I mean, I look at the dialogue and I’m like, "Oh, I could have done that better." 

It took me a while to learn how to work with Joelle Jones, who's one of the most talented artists out there right now. And I think, I feel like I did a Wonder Woman issue with her and I feel like I wasted two of them first of all, because the story I wrote turned out to be very similar to a story that Joe Kelly had done. I hadn't read the story but I was very...I would have changed it if I had known. I sort of understood how to write for [Joelle] by Batman #44, which I think is really nice, but I think it's 39 and 40, the two Joelle Jones issues, I wish I could have another shot at doing well.

I really liked those.

TK: They're beautiful! They're drawn beautifully, but I don't know, we could have done something...it was really fine, but I feel like it could have transcended. I missed it.

I guess. The Justice League flirting between the two of them in the cartoon is high on my list of preferred pairings. So like the way that you played with that made me happy. Is there a character you feel particular ownership of now? Like if somebody comes in and changes Kite Man, are you going to throw the issue across the room and scream, "Fuck no, that's not how this is supposed to be done."

No, I think that's kind of silly. It's kind of like when you sign up for this gig, that's part of the agreement and coming into comics is realizing that this is a medium that extends to other people and no one has benefited more from that than me, who's twisted the work of Jack Kirby and Marv Wolfman and Bob Kane and Bill Finger for my own benefits. I feel like denying that to others would be hypocritical. 

Gotham Girl's named after my daughter Claire. Claire Clover is her name. So I do like her. Like I have in my daughter's room a David Finch piece or a page that he did and a page that Clay Mann did they gave to me for her. So I like her because she's named after my daughter.

Wow. That's got to be pretty sweet.

I know. I try to tell her brag, brag to your friends! But does she brag?

Read More: Why Batman Still Matters

She'll get there. As soon as she shows up in a movie, everyone's going to be like, "Oh, you're so cool." Would you do it again? Marvel comes to you tomorrow and says, “We want a hundred issues of Spider-Man. Do whatever the hell you want.” Do you jump at or do you run screaming?

I don't remember anyone ever saying, do whatever you want with Batman.

Well, fair.

It never happened. Would I do it again? I mean I have no regrets about doing it. On many levels, I feel like I'm artistically satisfied with what happened. I feel like I made my career and made my life and I had fun. 

But it's that second thing you said, the control of it. As I move forward, I kind of want to do, I don't know, like, I want to do super ambitious stuff and it's hard to do super ambitious stuff in that environment.

I feel like I got as close as I could get with [Batman]. I had a brilliant editor in Jamie Rich, huge support from Dan DiDio, but I don't know if I'll ever get that much again. Going forward, we'll see. But I just want to do something, I don't know, big and ambitious and literary and I don't know if that's possible anymore. If it is, I'll go.

You did the Sheriff and Omega Men and Vision Trilogy. You did the Heroes in Crisis Trilogy, or the Trauma Trilogy. Where are we going next?

Yeah, something new. I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to move on from fat middle aged men looking out windows, thinking about their lives. I think it'll be like another trilogy of books. It will be Strange Adventures, [Batman/Catwoman], and another book that hasn't been announced yet.

And all of this will be these 12-issue miniseries, like these little novels and they'll all be focused on a new, bigger theme. The way things develop when you're writing, you can write it one way where you're like, "I'm going to write about this theme," then you go write it. But when I do that, it just turns out shitty.

The best way I think to do it is just to write straight through so your unconscious mind brings it to the surface while you fight doing the same thing over and over again. So I'm not 100 percent sure these things are still forming as they form, but it's going to be a lot about all the shit that's in the news every single day. 

As much as Mister Miracle was about sort of the trauma of looking around our current environment, thinking, "My God, this can't be real. I feel like I'm trapped here," Strange Adventures will be about how do we fight back this pernicious stuff that seems to surround us. And I think that's what Batman/Catwoman will sort of be about too.

Read More: The Actors Who Have Played Batman

So hopeful.

Hopeful is the wrong word because some of them are dead dark books. I don't feel hopeful right now. But I feel like, I don't know, it feels like we're in the middle of the war and you don't feel hopeful in the middle of the war, but you still feel like you'd have to fight. You know?

Yeah.

It's more about that feeling, not the feeling that, "Oh God, we're going to win." But the feeling of, "Oh God, we can't lose or else."

And Strange Adventures, I've read the first one and it's ... I couldn't love it more. It's 28 pages. Doc [Shaner] and Mitch [Gerads] are doing crazy new stuff you haven't seen in comics before, which I think is cool in terms of mixing the two arts together. The two, I don't know, styles or whatever.

I couldn't be more proud of it. I remember Garth Ennis famously saying that with The Boys, you out-Preacher Preacher. So we're going to try to out-Mister Miracle Mister Miracle, to steal from Garth.

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Feature Jim Dandy

Dec 18, 2019

DC Entertainment

Tom King

Batman

from Books https://ift.tt/34z0t1B

[sammmys-writing]

First Date

Pairing: Rafael Barba/Sonny Carisi (Barisi)

TW: None

Summary: Sonny finally gets the guts to ask Rafael out on a date and does so

Authors notes: ho- LEE FUCK THIS IS LONG (2,246 words uwu) also i wrote this at like 1AM and its not Beta-ed so please excuse any OOCness. 

Amanda and Sonny being best friends is true MlM WlW soldarity

This is also posted on AO3. Read it Here

"Carisi has a crush, Carisi has a crush~~" Rollins teased in a sing-song voice once the ruthless ADA, (and Sonny's aforementioned crush) Rafael Barba had left earshot.

"I don't have a crush!!" The other exclaimed defensively. Ok, maybe he had a tiny crush on the ADA, but who wouldn't?? Especially with those fierce forest green eyes and the way they twinkled on the rare occasion that he laughed, or his pretty little "I'm Winning" Smirk that only showed up in court, but that Sonny would pay to see.

"Yeah and you didn't just stare at and flirt with Barba for..." She checked her watch "Half an hour" She snorted, poking at Carisi's side.

"I wasn't staring I was... being an attentive listener" He stated, hoping that his excuse would get the other detective to leave him alone about this.

"Right, so you weren't staring straight at his lips the whole time" She said skeptically, raising one eyebrow up. He'd seen her use this tactic in interrogations, but it wouldn't work on him, not today at least.

"I wasn't staring at his lips!!"

Yes he was.

"And the flirting?" She inquired.

"He was flirting with me and i was being polite. How do you know that its he who's crushing on me and not the other way around? Check and Mate" He smirked, crossing his arms.

"What ever you say tough guy" Rollins snorted before going back to her work.

~*~

Unbeknownst to either detective, Rafael Barba was in fact crushing on Sonny Carisi. Somehow the lanky detective had wormed his way into his heart, with his absolutely kissable lips, bright blue eyes, and those god damn dimples that would certainly be the death of him. But, sadly, Rafael was pretty sure that Sonny was straight, as he'd always seen him flirting with women at NYPD parties that he was encouraged (forced) to attend.

Although this knowledge didn't prevent his heart from melting as a result of Carisi's laugh or the way he was constantly leaning over things, giving Barba a nice view of his ass. It also didn't stop him from being slightly jealous when he caught someone else eyeing those long perfect legs, connected to that perfect ass. Still, he acted professional, he kept his feelings under wraps, he willed himself to look away whenever Carisi leaned over something (Most of the time), like he did literally every time Barba visited the precinct, and he never actively sought him out unless it was pertinent to the current case. He was slightly afraid of his feelings for the detective getting the better of him. His train of thought was cut off as Carmen entered his office to say

"Mr Barba, Detective Carisi's here to see you"

Sonny walked in as Carmen was leaving and he flashed the ADA one of those award winning smiles that Rafael couldn't get enough of.

"Good evening Detective, what brings you here?" He asked, not looking up from the papers he was working on

"Well, I was wondering, Counselor, if..." He paused "You'd like to go to dinner, with me" the Detective added looking down, which made a few pieces of his hair fall to his forehead, free from the  grip of the hair gel he most likely used.

Barba for once was at a slight loss for words, he looked up from his papers and a slight smirk appeared on his lips, "Are you asking me out on a date, Detective?"

"Would you say yes if I was?" Replied the detective, looking up, his baby blues brighter then normal.

"Are you free tomorrow at 8?"

"Y-Yeah, I am"

"Meet me at DiAngelo's at 8"

Carisi smiled brightly and nodded, "I gotta go now or Picatso will get all weird when I get home. See ya tomorrow Counselor!" He said, waving his goodbyes before exiting Barba's office happily knowing he had a date with his crush.

Meanwhile Barba was rethinking all of his life choices that had led up to when he had fallen for a man who'd named his cat Picatso.

~*~

[Sonny  days] roLLINS

ROLLINS

ROLLINS, I JUST ASKED BARBA OUT AND HE SAID YES??? I HAVE A DATE WITH HIM TOMORROW AFTER WORK

HELP

[Rollin' in the deep] i knew you had a crush on him carisi

[Sonny  days] yeah, yeah, yeah, alright you were right, but still

Help

[Rollin' in the deep] with what? just let him slam it home

[Sonny  days] thats like

the exact opposite of helping

what do i do with the date, like how

how does someone do a date

[Rollin' in the deep] ;)

[Sonny  days] stop or i block

[Rollin' in the deep] ;(

have you told him about Picatso yet?

[Sonny  days] yeah??

[Rollin' in the deep] and he didn't bail instantly? he must really like you

[Sonny  days] hey, Picatso is the perfect name for a cat

[Rollin' in the deep] that is not a cat

thats a demon from hell

[Sonny  days] he just doesnt like you because he can sense how much you hate him

animals are like that

anyway, back on topic, help please??

[Rollin' in the deep] Just, talk to him about mutual interest's or ask him about himself or smthn i dont knoW

I don't know man!! i havent been on a first date in so long

[Sonny boy] since you've been banging the lieu

[Rollin' in the deep] speaking of liv, Noah just fell asleep you know what that means

[Sonny  days] gross

[Rollin' in the deep] ;)

get some carisi!! now i gotta go its time for some designated lady time

[Sonny  days] have a good time rollins

and please never say designated lady time ever again

~*~

The next day at 8 o'clock, Sonny Carisi walked up to the DiAngelo's restaurant in a nice white pressed shirt and dress pants with a navy tie, not his work clothes, Barba was too good for him to wear his work clothes on a date with him, he saw Barba standing outside the restaurant, wearing a suit, like always. Sonny wondered what he looked like in home clothes or pyjamas, hopefully, if dinner went well he'd have a chance to see that.

"Hey counselor!" He called, waving to the hot ADA as he walked towards him.

Rafael smiled warmly at the tall blue-eyed detective, waving back.

"You're not late Carisi, I'm surprised" He joked lightly, giving the detective a quick look down, he dressed nice, better then what he wore to work at least.

Carisi smiled at the comment. "I try counselor." He chuckled, "Shall we go in?" he asked, offering his arm, internally panicking about this, he was trying to follow the WikiHow article he read on how to act on a first date, so far it was working.

Barba smiled again, "Call me Rafael" He said, taking his arm and the pair went inside, where they were seated quickly in a little booth in the corner. The date went rather well as far as first dates with your co-worker are concerned, they chatted and laughed, happy in their own little world.

Rafael was sure he'd just fallen even harder for the blue eyed detective sitting across from him. He talked with his hands lot, this was something he had never noticed before, when telling funny little stories of his childhood in Staten Island suburbia, he made grand gestures with his hands, whether he was explaining his sisters giant crush on his best friend, or how he fell off of the playground structure when he was 10 and had to be in a wheelchair for a month.

Carisi noticed how Rafael's eyes softened when he talked about his grandma or his mom, telling stories of his childhood, how he poured himself into his studies and go to college against the odds, go to Harvard, it was truly inspiring and Carisi was reminded of why he fell for the green eyed ADA. He was the most interesting man he'd ever met.

"My apartment isn't far from here, wanna come over, end the night with a few drinks?" Carisi asked as they exited the restaurant after dinner, looking down.

"Sure" Barba replied, after a few moments of hesitation. "Lead the way" He chuckled.

As they walked, they chatted some more, sharing thoughts about cases, the law, and ridiculous perp names that Sonny had encountered during his years as a detective, ("You arrested a guy called Dick Hertz?" "Crazy right?")

Carisi was happy to learn more about Rafael, see the softer side of him, which was just as hot as the snarky work version of him, (in Sonny's opinion at least). Meanwhile Rafael had learned that Sonny was just as loud outside of work as he was in work, which to be honest wasn't surprising and kinda endearing to say the least.

Once they entered Sonny's apartment, Picatso rubbed up against the pairs legs, seeking attention from his owner and this new person he'd brought into the house.

"Hey stinky man" Sonny greeted the eager cat, leaning down to give him a quick pet, before shutting the door behind them and putting up his coat, "Want anything to drink? I got wine, whiskey, tea, coffee, water" He stated, turning around to look at Rafael, smiling a bit. Hopefully his apartment was clean enough, he didn't have much of a chance to clean up beforehand but he thought it looked presentable.

"I'll have a whiskey" Barba replied, hanging up his coat and glancing down at the cat, it was rubbing up against his leg and trying to sniff him to make sure he wasn't an enemy. Rafael wasn't particularly fond of felines but Picatso (what'd the cat do to be named that) seemed reasonable, he leaned over, giving his hand to sniff before he gave the cat a hesitant pet on the head, Picatso purred quietly, liking the attention from the new human.

"He likes you" Carisi smiled, coming back with two glasses, one with whiskey and another with wine. "I think thats the fastest ive ever seen him warm up to someone" He chuckled, handing the glass of whiskey to Barba as he got up. Picatso protested the end of the attention with a quiet meow, he looked to his owner for more but he paid him no heed.

Rafael smiled softly, taking the glass.

"Come, let's sit" Sonny lead Rafael inside, sitting on the couch and motioning for Barba to sit next to him, which he did.

They sat in awkward silence for a moment, before Rafael spoke up.

"How long have you wanted to go out with me" He asked, Sonny looked slightly embarrassed.

"You don't have to be a  detective to notice that" he chuckled, sipping at his drink.

Sonny turned slightly pink, and sipped his wine

"Its fine,  it's kinda cute actually"

At this Sonny blushed harder, "A year  or so" he mumbled.

Rafael smiled a bit, but hid it  by taking a sip of his whiskey. "If it makes you feel any better I've probably been pining for you for longer" He chuckled.

Sonny laughed at this quietly, "Wanna bet?" he joked. "During the moustache or after?" he asked

"Oh god, please never again remind me of your awful moustache"

"I thought it looked good"

"It made you look like a cheap pornstar from the eighties"

"I bet teenage you would've jumped at the chance to sleep with a pornstar back then"

Barba just laughed, and Sonny laughed with him. Both men unconsciously leaned closer to each other. Sonny would never be sure if it was them being comfortable with eachother, or him being slightly more confident (due to the alcohol from dinner and  the drinks now), or a bit of both that made him do it but he closed that gap between them after a moment of  silence, by pressing his lips to Rafaels and kissing him,  softly and slowly.

Rafael kissed back after a moment of surprise. Sparks flew between them and Sonny was astonished that  the other would kiss back. Soon enough, the  drinks were abandoned and Sonny deepened the kiss, moving closer.

That endeavor, however, soon devolved into Sonny kinda straddling the ADA and them hardcore making out, Rafels hands in Sonny's hair, removing it from the hold that the detectives hair gel had it in, and Sonny's arms around Rafaels waist, keeping the pair close.

By Sonny's standards, this was probably the best make out session her ever had the pleasure of being involved in, and judging by the way it was going he was hopefully going to be experiencing it much more.

[Rollin' in the deep] carisi how was ur date

did you guys talk wistfully about everything and nothing while staring into each others eyes

[Sonny days] that is the cheesiest thing ive ever heard

and me and my sister once talked for an entire hour in just cheese puns

[Rollin' in the deep] pffft

[Sonny days] getting back on topic

it was fine

normal first date stuff

we kissed

[Rollin' in the deep] a kiss?

thats nothing

tell me when u fuck

[Sonny  days] haha

even though you'll probably be the first one i tell

[Rollin' in the deep] fuck yeaaaahhh

give me those relationship deets or i will die

i've watched you 2 pine for each other for too long, i need to know everything

[Sonny  days] yeah yeah, ill tell you more tomorrow its too fuckin late for this shit

night rollins

[Rollin' in the deep] night carisi

[felixsaussieaccent]

To All The (Stray) Kids I’ve Loved Before | iv

Member: Felix

i  ii  iii  v  vi  vii  viii  ix

As Jisung sat down across from me, greeting both me and Yeojin, a question immediately popped into my head. “Where’s Changbin?” I asked with a concerned look on my face as Jisung turned around and pointed to the table in the corner. “He started talking to this guy named Felix?” Jisung stated, but it sounded like a question. “Omg, I would do anything to sit with those guys, they’re all so cute and popula-” “Earth to Yeojin!” Jisung shouted as Yeojin started dreamingly looking at the ceiling.

“What about you?” Jisung asked “Me?” I asked, pointing a finger at me, confused “yeah, what do you think about them? I don't know how I should feel leaving my baby Changbin alone with them...” Jisung said in a cute way, making me roll my eyes and smile at his cuteness. “I don’t know them well enough to have an opinion.” I lied, quickly and went back to eating my food.

I actually did have an opinion about them, well one of them. 

Lee Felix

I don't even know how to start explaining what my opinion is, because I feel like I can’t completely like or dislike him. Felix was apart of the popular group, which meant lots of people had a crush on him, and that he was very respected and admired by everyone. I felt like in a way, I had to like him too, but I realized that I didn't have to, since I’ve never interacted with him. But at the same time, I heard some people cry about how rudely he turned them down, which made somewhat of an impression in my brain.

That was before the trip a month before Jisung arrived. It was a school trip and we went to a camping resort. It was cold so I don't know why they made us go on a trip in such weather but that's besides the point, it was cold and I gave my jacket to Yeojin, who fell asleep next to me on the bus. I was shivering and cursed Yeojin for being forgetful and not remembering to bring herself a blanket, but I also cursed at myself for the same reason, and for not being able to say no to my literal child.

We stopped at a petrol station, where I quickly went to the bathroom, but when I got back, I saw a blanket on my seat. I asked the seats around me if someone misplaced their blanket, all of them saying no. I was weirded out, but thought ‘hey, no one else is using it’ so I sat down and wrapped myself in the blanket and trying to nap for at least 20 minutes. 

When we arrived, I handed the blanket to the teacher and told her that someone must have lost it, to which she replied “Oh, a nice boy left it on your seat, I can’t quite remember his name, but I think it was Lee something.” to which I nodded “Could you give it back to him and thank him for me?” I asked, handing the blanket to her, to which she added “Thank you.” I slightly bowed before getting off the bus.

That evening, we were having a group movie night with free hot chocolate and blankets. Yeojin cuddled up to me as I drank my hot chocolate. I felt someone looking at me from the corner of my eye. I turned my head slightly to see Felix staring at me, but when he saw me look in his direction, he quickly focused his eyes on the movie. I looked at him for a second before realizing the blanket actually belonged to him. I was confused because why would he give me his blanket, but I decided to brush it off and focused on the movie. 

One day before we were leaving, we had some arts and crafts time before lunch. I was talking to Yeojin about how she shouldn’t steal my jacket this time, so I wont be cold. She whined, but agreed in the end. It was almost lunch time and Yeojin went to our cabin to go get her lactose intolerant pills, leaving me alone to clean up. I heard a voice behind me say “If you don't wanna be cold, you can borrow my blanket again.” 

I immediately recognized Felix’s voice, but as soon as I was going to respond that he didn’t have to give me his blanket, he was already gone. When I woke up the next day, I saw the blanket on the desk with a note “You can give it back when we arrive back home.” I felt guilty but I thought, might as well. He obviously doesn't wanna use it. I left it on his seat when he and his friends went to go to the bathroom on the last stop home to avoid any awkward situations. 

That trip made me warm up to Felix, as I saw he wasn't as ‘cruel’ as some girl cried at gym last week, talking about how she planned out a whole confession to which he only said no, but the more I thought about it. If she was being overdramatic with all of her stories, why not this one as well. Which got me thinking that maybe Felix just doesn't like affection and tries not to show it or to receive it and all girls are just overdramatic. 

“I’m gonna go get some water, do you two want anything from the vending machine?” I asked as both Jisung and Yeojin said no. I made my way to the machine, when I felt someone bump into me, causing me to loose balance for a moment. When I finally got back to my senses, I felt my whole chest being wet, and my white shirt clinging onto my body. I looked up to see Felix’s shocked face.

“I’m so so-” I didn't bother listening to his apology, as I rushed to the bathroom, so no one would see me soaked. I took my shirt off and drained all the liquid out of it before trying to dry it and soon giving up, knowing it was gonna be wet all day. I heard a knock at the door as I yelled “Occupied!”.  “It’s me, Felix, listen I’m so sorry, I really didn't mean to bump into you.” He said “Are you ok? Can you open the door?” he asked as I inhaled and exhaled deeply before opening it, trying to cover my shirt as much as possible. “Oh my god, its very wet. Lemme give you my hoodie.” He said, starting to take off his hoodie, making my eyes widen before almost putting my hand over my eyes, until I realized he had a shirt underneath.

“Here.” He handed me his hoodie as I took it and thanked him awkwardly.  “Again, I’m really sorry.” he said “It’s fine, I doubt you wanted to spill your entire Coca Cola on someone’s shirt.” I joked to which he giggled. “Thanks for understanding.” He said, smiling "Thanks for the hoodie.” I awkwardly smiled. "See you around.” He said "Wait, when can I give your hoodie back?” I asked "Whenever you want.” He smiled before leaving me alone to change. I closed the door and took my shirt off again and put his hoodie on before making my way back to my table.

"Oooo, is that Mr. Lee Felix's hoodie?” Yeojin asked as I rolled my eyes. The day went by slower than expected, possibly because everyone stared at me for wearing THE Lee Felix's hoodie. When I got home, I kept smelling it, it smelt a lot like him, even though I didn't know that much about how Felix smelt. It was nice and made me keep it on until bed time. I changed into my pjs and thought about Felix. He was really sweet, not only letting me borrow his hoodie, but also his blanket, and him checking up on me and not just acting like nothing happened, as I've seen some people do.

I started also thinking about how cute he actually is, his freckles made me want to connect them together like stars, his hair had changed color recently but his hair still looked soft, his aussie accent, his cute smile, I stopped myself and decided to write down my feelings, or else I wouldn't be able to sleep all night.

Dear Felix,

….

A/N: Didn't proof read either, so excuse any mistakes and this was such a flop, I wrote it in like an hour just to quickly post, as I did promise uploading on weekends lol

[tayegi]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (That's how that last chapter of NR made me feel.) I just thought you would like to know how brutally my heart has been ripped to shreds and I thank you for it. I am so excited to find out what Jungkook's deal is.

Anonymous said:LUUU NEW RULES CH 11 HURT ME SO BAD OMMNNBGGGGGGGG FUCKIDKCUDKC WTF IS WRONG WIT JUNGKOOK

Anonymous said:Chapter 11 is out...WHAT THE ACTUAL FCK. I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW😭💜

bangtantannie said:Oh my god the New Rules update got me FUCKED UP AHAHSJ i screamed when i saw the notif and my heart goes out to the reader, especially when her and Mijoo were comforting Yerin. I gotta say I've had a few of those moments in my life and i had the same exact thought process

Anonymous said:i feel like IDGAF by Dua Lipa could be the theme song for the next chapter cos by then the oc wouldn't care anymore and cut off jk's coward coconut bitch ass uwu. anyway I love the new update! I was crying during the first part bec it was so heartbreaking and im on my red days lmao 😣😝 and when i learned bout yoongi's reason for doing wut he did i was shookt but it was valid tho and acceptable. the soft part after that was so cute tho. im gon continue this in a 2nd ask bec tumblr sucks

Anonymous said:I actually LOVE angst so much and you did it PERFECTLY - the mystery, the underlying story, the hidden pain, sacrifice, false front, and RAW RAW FEELINGS HNG i’m hurting so bad in all the right ways and i am so obsessed I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE THOUGHT AND LAYERS YOU PUT INTO IT; you have SUCH a beautiful brain

Anonymous said:JESUS NEW RULES IS AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER. Lu, I love how realistic all of your storylines are, how you make the characters feel real, and how you channel their emotions. This whole chapter was just wOW, SHIT WENT DOWN. I’m excited (and hella nervous) to see what becomes of the OC and Jungkook now that the confrontation has occurred. Love you Lu!~💖

Anonymous said:nr oc @ jk: boy bye im not available for the emotionally unavailable so sayonara coconut btch

Anonymous said:Lu... you did it, I'm about to cry, I'm glad my mascara and eyeliner are waterproof. Just the masked emotion of jk "not wanting a relationship" is fuckin palpable, like he acts as if lashing out on the OC will make her hate him, but she knows damn well they like /like/ each other, and w the society we r in, it's easy to shift blame on oc for "catching feelings" bc that's typically "what women do" but JK is so vulnerable w her so SHFJHSHD this ch was muy bueno, ily lu-🍑 anon

bangtandumbyeondan said:Every chapter of New Rules leaves me on edge and I love it but it also makes me screeeeeam because I never want it to end haha I really enjoy the whole series a lot thanks for writing it 🌼

Anonymous said:I'm sure your asks are flooded rn but iahcjsjfak MAN. I had to put my phone down like 6 times while reading this due to shock, secondhand embarrassment, and anger lmao I was feeling as crushed as if I was the one shot down oaudisjf I really admire the oc for standing her ground in that situation. I'm really rooting for her! awesome chapter, thanks as always lu xx

Anonymous said:NR 11 was so fucking lit wow, you consistently blow my mind every damn time. Tell them OC tell them!!! Toxic masculinity needs to go!!! Devaluing emotions need to go!!! Take! That! Trash! Out!

Anonymous said:just finished reading chapter 11 and now im in shambles 😭 i just want to hug the oc and tell her everything will be okay 💖

Anonymous said:The rollercoaster of emotions that this chapter produced was so raw. Having an amazing plotline like this is not super complex (like fantasy) but so intune to human emotions as the central point is amazing. You capture real human feelings of jealousy, pain, heartbreak and angst so fucking well, and I feel that I am part of this story. Thank you for gifting us with your writing Lu!

Anonymous said:that last line of dialogue... i am deceased

Anonymous said:Every since that "not like she left me" from JK i wonder if it is about his mother, and this chapter when OC talks about their mothers not raising them quite well i got that feeling again ughhhh I want to know so baaaad !!! this chapter really clenched my heart lu you are so goooooodddd thank you thank you thank youu i love you so much!

Anonymous said:you've broken my heart and crushed my windpipe with that new rules chapter. thank you so much for taking the precious time out of your life to write such an emotionally charged and thoughtfully written series, i am actually screaming. love you, lu. ♥

Anonymous said:your writing is so amazing:’) ugh my heart hurts from new rules but i love the paiN

Anonymous said:I FREAKIIINNNNNGGGGGG LOVE THE NEW CHAPTER OF NEW RULES MY HEART HURTS BUT ALSO I LOVE THE ANGST THAT LAST BIT WHERE SHE SAID "BECAUSE IT WILL BE SO EASY TO GET OVER YOU!" I CAN'T EVEN CONTAIN MYSELF IT JUST DESTROYED MY HEART SO DELICIOUSLY

Anonymous said:im having an aneurysm??? go OFF oc!! i know she may not necessarily be entirely right, but the ending scene really spoke to me as a woman who was gaslighted by an ex for a year after the relationship ended in much the same manner. i also really appreciated how you wrote the oc’s response to yoongi coming out both in character and sensitively. i want more yoongi and oc interactions now!! it seriously made me cry. your writing always makes me emotional in the best way

Anonymous said:jungkook has me very confused and i kinda wanna punch him in the nose for it, but those feelings are quite appreciated as it speaks to how highly intricate you've woven the story so far. i'm looking forward to when everything about his behaviour finally makes sense. until then, keep up the amazing work, lu. you're doing great! ^-^

acucarebiscoito said:"He doesn't love you. He'll never love you. No man has ever loved you before, and how could you have possibly thought that someone like Jeon Jungkook could've ever returned your feelings?" You got me here, I REALLY started to cry my eyes out. It hits to close home I cant even order my thoughts right now. It was perfect, every second. Thank you so much Lu, like always you are amazing and you gave me so much to reflect about myself. Thank you 💖💖

Omg you guys all have such intense reactions to ch 11. this makes me so happy! ive seriously had the scene of the OC running into the frat house and telling Jungkook off planned in my mind since ch 2, and ive been stewing over it for literally a fucking YEAR, so to see that it worked out and ppl feel so strongly is amazing. thank you bbs

[k-poptrash-stuff]

Secret Confession

Member: Jung Wooseok

Genre: Fluff?? Tiny tiny bit of sadness idk???

a/n: im still way deep in my pentagon feels and really wanted to do a scenario of wooseok hehe biased and ive decided to add pentagon to our scienario/reaction requests so send some in my dudess. 

~~~~~

You groaned loudly for what felt like the millionth time that evening. You let your head fall back, hitting the wall of the practice room with a dull ‘thud’. You came here whenever you wanted time to yourself. You don’t know why, you just felt more comfortable in the practice room. 

Your songbook laid on your lap, half-assed lyrics scribbled on the lines of the paper. For the past year you’ve wanted to write your own song, and you knew exactly what to write it about. You just didn’t know how to get those feelings on the damn paper. You were they type of person that needed to get their feelings out somehow. You couldn’t just bottle them up completely. 

“You look a bit stressed.”

You jumped at the sudden voice, looking to the direction it came from.You were greeted by a smiling and slightly confused Hwitaek. You assumed he had just finished up practice for Pentagon’s new comeback. You felt a small smile form at the sight of your friend. 

You had debuted as a solo artist a little over a year before Pentagon debuted. You had helped them a lot for their debut stage, remembering how nerve racking it can be. Long story short, you and the boys had grown quite the friendship. They had become like a family to you honestly. Except one. 

Jung Wooseok. 

You’ve had the biggest crush on him for the past year and it was lowkey driving you crazy. Even better, the other boys caught on very quickly. You were thankful they kept your feelings for the giant maknae a secret. 

“I’m passed stressed, my friend”, you replied with a short giggle. Hwitaek moved over to sit on the floor next to you. His eyes wondered to your songbook, pointing at it in silent permission to read the contents. Silently, you handed him the book, watching his eyes scan the page curiously. 

You sighed. “It’s just brainstorming right now”, you muttered. 

“You seem like you’re having trouble”, he joked. You groaned, hiding your face in your hands. Letting them fall to your lap, you puffed your cheeks. 

“I know exactly what I want to do”, you said, turning your head to look at him. “But I can’t seem to put my feelings into words on the damn paper.” you stated.

“These feelings wouldn’t happen to be the ones about Wooseok, would they?” he said. His tone was teasing, joking. His eyes softened when you gave a nod. His mouth formed an ‘o’ at your silent answer.  

“So are you making this song as some kind of secret confession?” Hwitaek questioned. Again, you nodded. 

 Hwitaek didn’t say anything for a moment, his gaze going from you back to the messy words in the book. 

“Would you like me to help you?” Hwitaek asked kindly with a smile. You’re eyes went wide for a moment. 

“I don’t want to bother you”, you said. You would love Hwitaek’s help, especially since he was a great composer himself in your opinion. But he was so busy preparing for their comeback, he must be exhausted. You didn’t want to add on. 

“(Y/N), I’d be happy to help”, he chuckled. “You’re like a little sister to me and I know this will stress you to the max if you work on it completely alone.” 

You couldn’t help but bluntly say, “Way past that, buddy.” 

Hwitaek rolled his eyes but didn’t fight the smile pushing on his lips. “Well, lucky I’m here to save the day. Now, You said this is about Wooseok? How exactly does he make you feel?”

Hours later, the lyrics were finally finished. As you and Hwitaek stood, you pulled him into a tight hug. “Thank you so much for your help, Hwitaek.”

He chuckled, his arms wrapping around you to return the hug. “It was no problem. I’m glad i could help.”

When you two separated, you opened the song book, your eyes reading the lyrics. Your heart was poured on the pages and with Hwitaek’s help, they were perfectly made into lyrics. Now all that needed to be done was create the music to go with it and it would be finished. You smiled up at Hwitaek. 

“I really can’t thank you enough”, you said. The two of you began to leave the room, cutting the lights off and shutting the door behind you. 

“You could tell Wooseok how you feel”, he said, nudging you lightly. 

“Not happening”, you said instantly. Hwitaek groaned. 

“Why not?” he dragged out. “He likes you too! Perfect reason to tell him.”

You shook your head. It’s not like you didn’t trust Hwitaek’s words. In fact, all the boys told you multiple times Wooseok liked you back and part of you believed he did too. But there was that bigger, more dominating part that told you he didn’t. That all you were and ever will be was a friend to him.

“My song is my confession”, you stated. “So technically, I am telling him.”

Hwitaek groaned dramatically, throwing his head back. “That doesn’t count. 

“I’ll tell him....one day.” you said. But Hwitaek knew better. He simply sighed, nodding.  

Months later and you were sitting in the waiting room of Inkigayo for your first of many stages for your new title track song. The one you wrote with Hwitaek. You had gotten so much positive feedback after the mv had dropped, so you were beyond excited to perform the comeback stages. 

You were already ready to perform, so you passed time by scrolling on your phone. You smiled as you read encouraging comments on your latest instagram post. It was a simple selfie with the caption talking about your excitement. 

Your attention was directed to the door of the waiting room when you heard shouting from behind it. You rose your brows into confusion until 10 familiar figures stumbled into the room. 

“(Y/N)!” Pentagon shouted in excitement. You laughed, feeling lighter at the presence of your closest friends. You greeted them with a smile. 

“Boys! What are you guys doing here?” you asked as they all moved around to find a place to sit. You felt your heart flip when Wooseok took a seat next to you on the small couch, his smile to you filling your stomach with butterflies. You noticed Shinwon behind him wiggling his brows suggestively. 

You let your eyes roll, sticking your tongue out at him. Wooseok looked at you confused before turning to see who you were looking at, letting out a chuckle to see Shinwon stick his tongue out right back out at you. 

“We have a few hours off so we thought we’d come and support our favorite little bean”, Hongseok said patting your head. You pushed him away from you, whining slightly. 

“I’m not little!” you stated. 

“You’re shorter than all of us here, miss five foot four”, Hwitaek pipped up. You huffed lightly, crossing your arms. It wasn’t long until everyone was in different conversations to pass time. 

“Feeling nervous?”

You turned your attention from watching Yuto and Shinwon play what seemed like an enfless game of rock-paper-scissors to Wooseok. You laughed lightly and shook your head. 

“Not really. I’m more excited than anything”, you replied. Wooseok nodded in understanding. 

“You know, your song is amazing. Even more so that you wrote it yourself”, he smiled. You felt yourself get shy suddenly when he stated this. “So, who’s it about?” 

Wooseok poked you gently, his expression twisted in curiosity. But as he said this, you swear you saw a glint of hope in his eyes. Little did you know, you were right. He was silently hoping it was written about him. He tried not to let you see it though. 

You felt your cheeks heat up, causing you to look away. “Who says it was about anyone?” 

Wooseok scoffed lightly, his poking getting more frequent. You squealed lightly as he poked a spot that tickled. He chuckled at your reaction, poking you more. “Come on. I won’t tell”, he dragged out childishly. 

“Yea, (Y/N). Who’s the special guy?” Yanan asked, though he seemed genuinely curious. 

You could see the others from the corner of your eye glancing at the two of you playing around, almost all of them wearing knowing smirks on their faces. 

“No”, you giggled. “I promise, it’s not about anyone”, you lied. Wooseok stopped poking you, raising a brow. You bit your lip, hoping he’d buy your little lie. He let out a hum, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. Before anyone else could speak up, staff were poking their heads into the room, telling you that you needed to get your mic on get get ready to get on stage. 

As you left the room, the boys said words of encouragement to you, giving you quick hugs. After some last minute checks with your mic, makeup, and stage setup, you were out and waving to fans that had showed up to watch the pre-recording. You said your small little greeting and quickly got into position. 

The Pentagon members were still in the waiting room, watching the tv eagerly. Wooseok was watching you perform with a smile, his heart jumping everytime the camera did a close up on you. The song was up beat and has a nice pop feel to it, but the lyrics you had created with Hwitaek was what really got to him. 

He was burning with curiosity to know who your inspiration was to create a song like this. Wooseok asked Hwitaek if he knew, since he helped create the song with you, but Hwitaek respected that you weren’t ready to tell Wooseok your feelings and claimed he didn’t know. 

Eventually, your performance had ended. You said your thanks and love to your fans before you took your leave. The boys met you backstage when you were getting help taking off your mic. 

“Please tell me you’ll teach me the choreo”, Hyunggu asked when they reached you. You laughed at the request, though you weren’t exactly shocked. 

“Sure, Hyunggu. I promise”, you said. 

“We have just enough time to get some lunch. Wanna come?” Yuto asked. You thought about it for a moment. You didn’t have anything scheduled until later on in the afternoon. So you shrugged. 

“Sure. But let me go change first.” you said. I’ll meet you guys outside?” 

They agreed and you split away from them. Once you grabbed your clothes you arrived in from your stylists, you went to go change. You shut the door of the room behind you, leaning against it as your eyes watered. 

Your emotions were finally getting to you. 

It all played in your mind. The look in Wooseok’s eyes when he asked you who the song was about. His smile filled with excitement to see you when he walked into the room. His laugh as he poked and teased you. Oh, you were falling deep. And it was beginning to hurt to keep your feelings concealed. 

Your vision blurred. A sad chuckled left your lips. 

“Jung Wooseok”, you began. “The way you make my heart soar and you don’t even realize it.” 

Then, the tears began to fall. 

~~~~

--waits for opinions--

-Athena ♡

[awfully-sadistic]

{{ Book Talk: The Boy Who Sneaks in My Bedroom Window

This question on Goodreads sums up my thoughts.

I don’t know what to say about this book or why I started to read it. I just did when I was looking for The Raven Cycle ‘cause I have a ridiculous crush on a character I don’t even know yet. Ronan.

Anyway, this fucking book. I thought it was like, fanfiction at first. It is certainly written that way. There is such a huge overuse of “he smirked/smirks” and “she smirked/smirks” and other cliche phrases, I’m going to throw up. There’s also an over abundance of the main character, Amber Something, calling other girls whores and sluts and basically slut shaming them for dressing how they want to dress--FOR WHICH THERE IS NO DRESS CODE AT SCHOOL, I GUESS. One of the instances of Amber describing a girl’s skirt was that it fit like a belt or something. Another instance is her putting down other girls for being loose, for wanting to have sex with her brother and his best friend. For being bimbos and ho’s and having no self-respect because apparently this author wrote every fucking woman in her school like this. EVERY WOMAN AT AMBER’S SCHOOL (EXCEPT FOR AMBER) WAS A THIRSTY SLUT OR A BITCH OR A HO after her brother and his best friend’s junk. They literally threw themselves at them, were incredibly bold with their flirtations like touching and grabbing them all the time. Like, these ladies were written desperately thirsty, I felt bad for them. All because the author wanted to portray Amber in a more angelic light or what?

Speaking of, her main love interest gave her the nickname Angel.

Oh, by the way. She slut shames her main love interest, Liam James, too. I only know his goddamn name because everyone calls him by his fucking whole name, like constantly. Don’t get me wrong, I guess he’s some sort of man-whore because he openly flirts with these girls right back so I suppose if she’s going to be calling the women sluts and whores, I’m glad she also calls Liam out for acting the same way??? So does Amber’s brother, Jake, and he’s known to have slept around, etc, etc. Basically everyone but Amber is a big ol’ slut.

Don’t even get me started on how Amber decides to take part of this stupid ass bet to “nail” Liam because he announced he had a girlfriend and ALL THE OTHER GIRLS IN SCHOOL WANT HIM. His fucking pot was raised to 4,000 dollars or something outrageous like that. 20 bucks per girl. They put in 20 dollars EACH into the pot to see who can convince him to virtually cheat on his girlfriend. Which, at this point, is Amber. 4000 dollars. 20per girl. i suck at doing math but is that like 200 girls??? IS THAT RIGHT? DID I DO MY MATHR IGHT? 200 GIRLS ARE AFTER LIAM’S ASS.

I honestly don’t know where to start with this.

I mean, I can start with how it feels incredibly juvenile. Amateurish. Half-finished? There seems to be a lot of details missing in between scenes and the scenes themselves are short as fuck. The transitions are incredibly sloppy, one second Amber is in her bathroom and the next she’s in school.

Can I also note how her eight year old dialogue was incredibly strange. It felt like an older person was talking.

A few more points:

1) she doesn’t want to tell anyone they’re dating. she makes liam wait like 2 weeks to break the news to her overprotective big brother (by two years because they’re both 18 and she’s 16).

2) her best friend magically finds this out because i guess she just does. and all of a sudden she went from thirsty ass bff to supportive ass bff and stops trying to nail Liam AND jake. wait no, she’s still trying to fuck amber’s brother.

3) she’s somehow emo. idk. she wears dark clothing and all the other “sluts” at school call her emo. and how liam will never be into her.

4) liam went from biggest fucking vagina humper to absolutely cult-like dedicated to amber like as soon as they shared their first kiss. i guess that’s sort of sweet if he weren’t a total fuckboy. he said he had been in love with her since he was six??? (which was make her 4 or something) and only slept around with all those women because he figured he’d just fall in love with someone else. he couldn’t have a chance with her because her brother forbid it.

5) brother eventually finds out and comes around like in a manner of minutes. found out because liam and amber have some sort of special technique he uses whenever amber has some sort of anxiety attack about her dad.

6) SPEAKING OF, HER DAD ALMOST RAPED HER when she was like 13.. or idk. something like that. sundays were usually reserved for “special” times when he’d touch her or whatever. basically dad is an abusive assfuck. jake and liam came home early from some kind of hockey game, saw the scene and apparently beat the shit out of the dad.

7) dont even know the extent of how far she was molested because she never fucking talked about it. im opting to believe it was that one instance and she was just milking it. idk. 

8) for as much as she went around in the first few chapters of the book saying how much she hated liam, how much she called him a man-slut, etc etc and being mean to him because oh he annoys her sooo much, he’s sooo mean, etc etc, she’s absolutely in love with him even though she’s finding reasons ...not to be. thinking he might cheat on her, get fed up with amber wanting to wait because she’s not letting him have sex yet. mainly because no one else but her mom, jake, and liam can touch her, ever, without her freaking out about it. but in the span of these few chapters ive read, two strangers have kissed her twice now. 

8a) first time, liam had to save her because she was drunk and blah blah blah. second time, she was openly flirting with a guy who was all, “i bet if i kiss you i can change your mind about wanting to go out with me” and she was all “i bet you 20 bucks you can’t and also i will kick you in the balls if you try” and what the fuck happened? he kissed her. she kicked him in the balls. liam’s like “that’s my girl” as the dude comes back limping into the room and hands her a 20.

9) “I’d wanted her for so long that I was a little worried that if I ever did get her, that she would never be able to live up to what I had imagined.“ CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT THIS MEANS because to me, Liam saying this about Amber makes me feel like this can almost be an insult lmfao.

10) AND THIS IS THE SEX SCENE, FINALLY BTW:

“You are so beautiful, Angel,” I whispered. She smiled and gripped her hand around the back of my head, guiding my mouth back to hers. I felt my heart swell as I kissed her passionately, showing her just how much I loved and cherished her before I prepared myself to make love to her for the first time.

I smoothed her hair away from her sweaty forehead. She was grinning at me and looked so happy it made my heart skip a beat. “I love you, Angel.” We laid there trying to slow our heart beats. I pressed my face into the crook of her neck kissing her, feeling her rapid pulse under my lips. I felt happier than I had ever felt in my life. After a minute or so, I pulled out of her and rolled to my side. I tightened my arms on her, pulling her close to me, trailing my fingers over her naked, sweaty body, lingering on her breasts. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” I said quietly. I felt awful that I was the one to have to cause her pain, but I guess every girl had to go through that the first time.

Did this author really write “after a minute or so”? I was like, where’s the penetration? I had NO idea they were fucking until he pulled out... A MINUTE LATER.

11) everyone must be a goddamn cat or something because there’s a lot of seductive purring. and I ran into this hilarious count in a review:

Wink count: 48 Purr count: 37 Smirk count: 74 Flirt count: 38 Ass count: 91 (this one was the most annoying...everyone calls each other "hot ass" "sexy ass" "fine ass" nonstop throughout the entire book)

there is plenty more i can say about this train wreck but i think, above all, i was just... surprised it was like... PEOPLE LIKED THIS?? it even had this little thing at the end of the summary:

The international bestselling novel, and finalist of the Goodreads choice awards YA fiction 2012.

like... what... how can people pump out novels like 50 Shades and this mess and I can’t fucking finish a chaptered story? some of the answers answering that question i had tacked on above surprised me too. people were calling it “realistic” -- i had to roll my eyes. there has been no realistic part of this story since i started reading it. 

if it were, vampires would exist and they’d sparkle in the goddamn sunlight. frankly, we’d all have our Christian Grey by now, too.

and every time he called her Angel, i just imagined this:

thank you and goodnight.

[janiedean]

So I'm in high distress right now because my a**hole of a father thinks that Jaime and Brienne have friend/army type relationship (I know, a stupid thing to be distressed about). He says that the writing doesn't support a romantic dynamic between them, that since Tormund is actually attracted to her it makes for a better relationship (???) and that briemund is going to happen instead for sure. So is there any braime evidence? Or evidence against Briemund? Plz I need to know if GRRM wrote braime

.................. lmao okay listen man first let me direct you towards

http://janiedean.tumblr.com/post/94430710808/but-why-do-you-think-brienne-and-jaime-will-be-the (this one is the actual long-ass srs meta)

http://janiedean.tumblr.com/post/113585356753/please-tell-me-all-about-the-importance-of-jaime

http://janiedean.tumblr.com/post/98680318163/i-dreamed-of-you-he-said

http://janiedean.tumblr.com/post/164416281263/janie-can-you-talk-to-me-about-brienne-you-dont

http://janiedean.tumblr.com/post/113625010338/so-basically-briennexjaime-is-ok-because-she-is

http://janiedean.tumblr.com/post/108282823233/so-id-like-to-ask-you-something-ive-just

http://janiedean.tumblr.com/post/88655654478/well-tbh-i-dont-dare-hope-about-any-of-this

about brienne/tormund: I don’t have any evidence against it because it’s not book canon like THEY HAVEN’T EVEN MET and tbh I don’t mind it half as much as a lot of people do because I don’t think it’s in any way shape or form a threat, but very quickly (it’s not even evidence but):

as stated, it’s a show crackship. like, brienne and tormund don’t even know each other, nvm that in the book tormund is a lot older than she is and like... I mean, they’re nowhere even near each other geographically so grrm is definitely not writing it, d&d are writing it at most

jaime actually got a boner looking at her in the pool in harrenhaal (book canon) so I think we can safely say he’s attracted to her;

in theory you don’t need to be attracted physically to someone first to love them especially because with those two it was an emotional connection first but nvm we were saying tormund;

okay so, like the entire point of tormund having a crush on brienne is reminding the audience that while she might not be attractive to a lot of people, she still is, which in theory one wouldn’t need in a better written show but hey, they had to go there, whatever, point is: tormund is there crushing on brienne because since no one’s died over her in that sense for a while we need a reminder and brienne most likely doesn’t get many people genuinely hitting on her;

now, I personally don’t mind it because like, they made it clear that she’s not interested nor reciprocates him and at the same time... okay again personal experience, if you’re usually not seen as attractive, someone hitting on you and meaning it does a lot for the ego. like. a lot. I’m entirely okay with tormund having a thing for her because it’s also giving her a reminder that some people do find her attractive - and then she can accept it or not, and she doesn’t, but still, it’s an option;

(ps: I know tormund’s advances kinda sound crude/rude but like he’s a wildling, saying that he wants someone to be the mother of their children is probably a romantic thing to him and tbh ten thousand times tormund over book!hyle or ronnet ugh)

but again, the person brienne cares about, the one she is worried about, the one she has a connection, the one she has the long-ass soulful stares, has gone through a life or death situation, knows better than anyone, the one who gave her her priceless sword, the one she went out of her way to convince to listen to reason in the finale and the one she’d have died before killing in the books? (book only: the one who’s actually seen her for the knight she wants to be for the first time in her life and sent her on a quest and trusts her implicitly and came back for her at harrenhaal? the one she has dreams about, including wedding imagery?)

guys that person is jaime. period. tormund’s crush is fun crack and I’m fine with it existing if it means someone else tells brienne nice things (for their standard anyway) but jaime is her person and viceversa and like the depth of the two is so not even close that tbh I can’t even take the comparison seriously;

also, again, tormund’s into brienne but brienne’s not into him. meanwhile, is she into jaime? in the book it’s basically canon and while the show fucked jaime up a lot I’m fairly sure that if he DUMPED HIS SISTER ALSO BECAUSE SHE TOLD HIM TO FUCK LOYALTY is fairly obvious that’s where it’s headed;

therefore sorry for your dad but jaime and brienne are going to bang after a glorious makeout session and no one’s convincing me otherwise, and I’m getting the good wine ready for when it finally happens ;)

[dotshiiki]

the AU from left field wtf where did this come from.

I cannot believe I went and wrote this but it wouldn’t leave me alone and I had to get it out of my system so I could go back to writing, you know, stuff that I’m supposed to be writing, anyway Grey’s Anatomy!AU or for those of you who don’t know the show it’s basically surgical-intern!Annabeth and patient!Percy with a side of douchebag-attending!Luke in a completely messed up triangle (and Annabeth thinks she’s so going to hell for all of it). Just your average rip-off of the GA pilot (I can’t believe that show is still going). 

(Rated T for swearing and non-explicit sex. It wouldn’t be Grey’s without the swearing and sex. Read at your own risk. :P)

The first time she meets Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase gets groped.

To be fair, he has no clue what he did. She can't very well fault a patient when his flailing limbs land in an unfortunate spot when he's in the middle of a grand mal seizure. She just happens to be the poor intern leaning over him, trying to hold him steady.

Anyway, it's just one more annoying thing in what has already been an exhausting day. She's into hour twenty-five of her first-ever shift at Olympus General, and she's already dealt with explosive diarhhea, uncontrolled vomitting, and seventeen rectal exams. (She swears Dr Ramírez-Arellano must hate her guts.) Getting groped by an unconscious patient should be routine by now, right?

Besides, it could be worse--he could be some smelly old man rather than the fit twenty-six-year-old car crash victim with a ripped body (hey, she's the one hanging on to it for dear life while Dr Ramírez-Arellano yells for two milligrams of chlorazepam and a wide bore IV, after all). And he is kinda cute, if you ignore the matted blood on his forehead and the fact that his eyes are rolling back in his head.

Great. Now she knows she's really tired, if she's actually checking out bloodied car crash victims.

They finally get him stabilised and up to CT, and Annabeth rests her eyes briefly as she leans against the wall outside the room, wondering for the tenth time since her shift began why it was so important for her to join the game anyway.

The speech the Chief of Surgery gave this morning (yesterday morning? Time doesn't really have much meaning after twenty-five hours on your feet) comes back to her: The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You'll be pushed to the breaking point.

Right now, Annabeth thinks she may be at one of those breaking points Dr Brunner was talking about. She can't think of a single reason she should be a surgeon, but she can think of a thousand reasons why she should quit.

'Hey. Hey!'

She blinks at the lab tech who's waving the scans in front of her to get her attention.

'These yours, right?'

'Uh--right.' Annabeth stifles a yawn, grabs her scans, and heads off to find her resident.

Twenty-three more hours to go.

OoOoO

The next time Percy Jackson gropes her, it's another accident. She's adjusting his IV drip in the ICU when he wakes up, reaching out blindly. His fingers brush her breast and pause in confusion. Annabeth freezes as well--is this guy serious?--and then she realises that although Jackson's eyes are open and staring at her, they also have the blank look of someone who can't see.

'What--' Jackson croaks. His fingers move hesitantly against her chest--and she regains enough presence of mind to move quickly back, out of their way. 'Oh my god, did I just--what's going on?'

'It's okay,' she says soothingly. 'You're in the ICU. You were in a car accident. You're gonna be fine.'

'I was--oh gods, Mom! My mom--is she okay?'

Annabeth vaguely remembers two passengers who came in at the same time. She thinks Will Solace took care of the older woman in the pit ... ah, yes. Minor injury. 'She's fine,' Annabeth reassures him. 'Got away with nothing but a sprained shoulder. Didn't even have to stay the night.'

'And Callie? Where's Callie? Is she okay?'

'Is that your girlfriend?'

There's no reason her heart should rise a little when he shakes his head. It's of utterly no concern to her whether her patient is attached or single, even if those glassy unseeing eyes are melting her heart (it's sympathy, pure sympathy). The irises a striking shade of green, and she can only imagine what they'd do to her if they were clear and lucid.

'My friend Leo's. Poseidon, Neptune, and Porcys, he's gonna kill me.'

Annabeth bites back a smile at the funny cursing. She's never heard anyone swear on the names of ocean deities of an ancient polytheistic culture. At least she thinks they're ancient water gods? It's been decades since Middle School history or Latin or whatever that class was that they learned about them. And she wonders what on earth Percy Jackson does that he'd be up to speed on ancient Greek culture. Maybe he is Greek. He has the looks or it, mmm, Mediterranean skin and thick lashes--okay enough, Chase.

'I'm pretty sure she's fine, too.' She closes her eyes and tries to recall the other woman in the ER. Short, long-haired? Did anyone take her case? No, because she--'Got away without a scratch. She was one lucky girl.'

Jackson relaxes visibly. Annabeth frowns a little. This 'Callie' might be his friend's girlfriend, but he does seem awfully concerned. Maybe he has a thing for her, too.

And no, she doesn't care if a guy she doesn't even know is crushing on his friend's girl. He can like whoever he wants. He's just her patient.

'Can I see them?'

'After your surgery,' she says. 'I just need to check you over now. Can you follow the light, Mr Jackson?' She already knows before she does the pupillary response test that he won't be able to, but it's all procedure and she has to go through it.

'Percy,' he says.

'Sorry?'

'My name's Percy.'

'Percy, then.' She shines the pen-light in his eyes. No response. Hopefully it's only temporary--a pinched optic nerve, maybe, something that can be fixed in surgery.

'And I don't see anything.' He swallows hard. 'Am I--' The way his Adam's apple bobs tremulously, like he's already trying to come to terms with the bad news she hasn't yet delivered tugs at her heart.

Damn it.

She can just hear her mother's voice in her head--'Personal feelings get in the way. You have to be able to detach yourself if you're going to be a good surgeon.' Yeah, her mom's a pro at the art of detaching herself. She's done it for years and years, and not just with patients.

'We may be able to fix it in surgery,' Annabeth tells him. 'It should happen tomorrow. We needed to  make sure you're stable before we get you in the OR.'

'Right,' he says. 'Are you my surgeon?'

'I--uh, no, I'm just an intern.'

'Oh.' Percy laughs nervously. 'You know, the last time I ended up in hospital--'

'A regular, are you?'

His grin is sheepish. 'Not really. It's just that I sprained my ankle a couple of weeks back and the doctor said it was fine and I wouldn't need to come back. I don't think he bargained for car accidents.' Percy frowns. 'I can't remember how that happened.'

'Don't worry about it. Short-term memory loss isn't uncommon with head traumas.'

She finishes her examination--other than his eyes, Percy seems well enough for a guy recovering from a grand mal. It's funny--that shouldn't really affect his sight, but there's clearly something more going on in his brain that the neuro attending will definitely need a closer look at. She could've sworn his scans were clean, though.

'I'll let you get some rest.' She rolls up her stethoscope and hangs in around her neck.

'No, wait--don't go.' His hand reaches out feebly, thankfully nowhere near her chest this time. 'I--sorry, you must have stuff to do.'

She does--there's labs to deliver and other patients to check on, and her shift is just about up, at long last--but Percy Jackson is the main case she's been assigned. Her responsibility.

She takes his hand. His fear is palpable; she can feel it in the cling of his trembling fingers.

'It's okay,' she murmurs. 'You're gonna be fine.'

'Thanks, Dr, er--'

'Chase. Annabeth.'

'Annabeth,' he repeats. 'That's a pretty name. It suits you.'

'You can't even see me.'

'I can tell from your voice.'

Although she knows it's probably the pain meds talking, and he probably won't remember a word of this conversation the next morning, Annabeth gets a little flutter in the pit of her stomach anyway. Percy's unseeing eyes blink at her. They are nice eyes, almond-shaped and slightly slanted, like they're sending her a personal wink. And god, how unfair are those thick lashes on a guy?

'I bet you say that to all the girls.'

'Only the cute ones.'

'Again, you can't see me.'

'Then you'd better fix my eyes because I'd like to.'

Her heart does a little tap dance. 'You're--you're flirting with me. You can't flirt with me.'

His lips quirk. 'Why not?'

It's the pain meds, and the fear of surgery, she tells herself. He's probably one of those guys who flirts when he's terrified. (She can totally understand that.)

'I'm your doctor, for one.' She should probably let go of his hand if she's going to seriously rebuff him.

But if this is helping him stay calm, that's not a bad thing, right?

'Well, that's good. I thought you were gonna say you're already taken.'

She freezes, thinking guiltily of the messy friends-with-benefits situation she's got going on with her not-boyfriend at the moment (she never knows what to call Luke) that just got more complicated this very afternoon.

Percy must feel the ice that's running through her hands then. 'Oh,' he says, and starts to let go. 'Sorry, I didn't mean--'

She should let this go. Let him go. But her fingers hold on to his of their own accord. 'No, it's not--I mean, it's complicated. I'm not--argh, I'm single, is what I mean.'

'Huh. So flirting's a go?'

'Yes--no! I'm still your doctor!'

He laughs. 'Damn, you're a lot smarter than the tour groupies.'

Tour groupies? Oh god, he's probably a rock star or something. She's flirting with a rock star--no, he's flirting with her, and when was the last time someone like him flirted with someone like her? She wonders what it'd be like to date a cute guy who isn't all tied up with her career and her mom and the train wreck of her romantic history.

Good gods, what is she thinking? She can't date a patient.

Percy mistakes her silence for confusion and clarifies, 'I'm a surfer. You know, surfing champs and all that?'

Oh. Well, she got that one wrong. 'Like Kelly Slater?'

'Funny how that's the only surfer anyone ever knows.'

'I know other surfers,' she replies automatically, although she doesn't really. She's barely even been to the beach all her life. It's not like they're far from the water, but when has her mom ever had the time to take her? And once you enter med school--well, that's kind of like kissing your social life goodbye.

'Oh? Name one.'

'Percy Jackson.'

He laughs so hard, she's afraid he might burst an aneurysm in his brain. He has a great laugh--it bubbles up from deep inside him and fills the whole room--and it's so infectious, she can't help but join in.

She really has other stuff to do, but she ends up sitting there with him, holding his hand and bantering about stuff she doesn't even remember later (but still feels like the silver lining in her crappy first day of work) until he falls asleep again.

She tells herself it's just patient care.

It's what any good doctor would do, right?

OoOoO

It's at least five hours after her shift officially ends when she stumbles into an empty on-call room. She's supposed to be going home, and she knows that putting off the moment will only make it worse when she finally faces her mother's interrogation of her first day as an intern, but she's going to avoid it anyway. And if there's one excuse Dr Athena Chase can't argue with, it's being tied up at the hospital.

God knows she's used it enough times herself.

Luke finds her, of course, right when she's ready to crawl under the thin hospital-issue sheets (would it really kill them to spring for something a little more comfortable for weary doctors? She's not asking for much, maybe just something soft instead of crisp and sterile) and lose herself to the world.

'Annabeth,' he says, with that smug arrogance that he carries everywhere with him. Once upon a time she thought it the sexiest thing ever, was incredibly flattered that her mom's up-and-coming young resident took an interest in her.

Right now their relationship--if you can even call it that--is a time bomb that might explode in her face any moment.

'Dr Castellan,' she says stiffly.  

'Dr Chase,' he mimics. 'What happened to Luke?'

'Did you even think to tell me you were coming to work here?'

He chuckles and turns the lock in the door. 'I thought it'd make a nice surprise.'

'A nice surprise?' she hisses. 'I had to find out that my--my--whatever this was--is my attending from my resident!' She can't forget the humiliating moment when she brought Percy Jackson's scans to Dr Ramírez-Arellano, only to be told to deliver them to the new attending--Dr Castellan. She'd frozen completely at the sound of his name, until Piper McLean, her fellow intern, had elbowed her sharply in the ribs.

'Thought you'd be happy to have one attending who won't be riding you. Well, maybe in a different way.' He leers at her suggestively, leaving no question about why he's come looking for her.

'We can't.'

'I don't recall any objections last night.'

'First of all, that was two nights ago, and B, that was before you became my boss.'

He steps into her space and places a hand on the back of her neck to draw her face towards his. 'Lighten up. You're off duty now, aren't you?'

'We really shouldn't.'

'Nobody needs to know.' His hand is hot and heavy on her stomach, finding its way to the waistband of her scrubs and tugging them down.

They really shouldn't--this could blow up in so many ways--but she lets him, because it's Luke, and this is a dance they've been doing for years.

And okay, she needs something to get her mind off Percy Jackson, whose smile and voice and touch is lingering in her brain more than she cares to admit. Sleeping with Luke may be flirting with disaster, but fantasising about a patient--a patient, for Christ's sake, talk about breaches of ethics--is so much worse.

(Except that when Luke touches her, it's the accidental brush of Percy's fingers against her chest that she thinks of, and the echo of his laughter that rings through her head in place of Luke's moans, and how much more fucked up could this get?)

When it's over and Luke is snoring next to her, Annabeth gets up quietly and drags herself into the shower. She turns up the heat and lets the near-scalding spray scrub her raw, but the ghost of Luke clings to her like a second skin.

(Yeah, you can all send me to Tartarus now.)