#finally the last song from this album is done! sorry it took me so long | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

averagewriter-inthedark · 2 years ago

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Lover 💗 | Bradley Bradshaw Imagine

TGM masterlist

Characters & Pairings: Bradley Bradshaw x singer!reader (female/romance)

Content Warnings: fluff, mentions of sexism, references to pop culture, profanity | female!reader (she/her) | wc: 5.6k

Requested 📨 yes/no (for @auroradawnwrites 💗)

Premise : When it came to her love life, singer and songwriter Y/n L/n had a reputation where it felt like the world was against her to the point she doubted ever finding her perfect match. Being in the industry for so long made it difficult to envision what a life with her potential soulmate would be like. But sometimes great things come to people who are patient. And finding the person who made Y/n feel like the only girl in the world had that reputation flicker away like dust on a bookshelf.

Note: I know I keep apologizing for the long waits in my requests but I promise it’s because of having to balance school, random shit happening in my life, and wanting to put out a developed, well-thought out story that the requested person deserves 🥹 and I realized about week ago when I started writing this one after finally getting to it after it was sent in February. @auroradawnwrites I saw that you posted last month that you were leaving your blog but if you happen to see this on another account or still have the notifications on for that blog just know I’m so sorry for this taking so long and I hope it was everything you imagined 😭

Songs headcanonned for singer!reader: ‘Love Story,’ ‘Bad Blood,’ ‘Look What You Made Me Do,’ ‘Getaway Car’ ‘You Need To Calm Down’ by Taylor Swift. ‘Love’ by Lana Del Rey. Albums mentioned that are headcanonned for singer!reader: ‘Lover’, ‘1989’ (I just changed it to 1986 to suit the headcanonned year of birth for reader), ‘Reputation,’ ‘Fearless,’ ‘Red’

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“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back our next guest,” Jimmy Fallon grins to the audience, arm slightly raising towards the curtains. “She’s been a friend to The Tonight Show for a long time. Here to celebrate twenty years since her debut and to talk about her newest album ‘Lover,’ singer and songwriter—the one and only, Y/n L/n!!”

There’s no need to turn on the sign reading ‘Applause,’ because the audience are on their feet when the curtains draw open slightly to reveal the beaming popstar. People are waving frantically, whistling, some even on the verge of tears at the fact they were in the presence of their idol. It was even hard hearing the band play from the noise

Y/n smiled the entire walk to Jimmy, blowing kisses at the crowd before embracing the man in a hug and settling down on the arm chair. “Wow, wow, wow,” he shouted, watching her give one last wave as he sat in his own chair. “Hi, Y/n.”

“Hi, Jimmy! It’s wonderful to see you again.”

“It’s great to see you too, it’s been awhile since we’ve had you on, huh?” Both make faces indicating they were thinking about her last appearance on the show.

“I think it’s been almost…six years,” Y/n tapped her lips with a finger. “Pre-pandemic I believe—because I haven’t really done much since 2019.”

“Yeah, you took a bit of a break.”

“A much needed one,” she chuckled, “But it feels so great to be back. I’ve been taking this time to really put time into discovering who I am as a person and what is next for me. I’m so grateful for the fans who’ve supported me all this time—I know,” she looks to the camera, “I know I kept you waiting, but fear not, I am back and better than ever.” The statement ignites a holler and applause from the crowd.

Jimmy claps with the audience, “That’s what I’m talking about. What can you tell us about this new music you’ve been working on? I know I mentioned your upcoming one, but you actually announced you will be releasing another at the end of this year, correct?”

Instantly Y/n lights up, “That’s right, Jimmy. For starters Lover is probably my most personal album to date. During the pandemic I basically shut myself off from everyone—and the world because I deleted the social media apps off my phone,” there’s a light chuckle from the crowd, “which made everyone go crazy thinking I died. But I can assure you I was just trying to put all my time and energy into writing, producing, selecting which songs would go on the track list. Each song is there for a specific reason—telling a story per say, and I feel listeners will be able to relate in some way.”

“Why the name ‘Lover,’?” Jimmy asked with curiosity, “is it a metaphor for the story or does it have a deeper meaning?” Judging by the cheesy smile Y/n started to do, Jimmy straightened his posture. “Are you….?”

“It’s for the lovers, you know?” Y/n shrugged nonchalantly. Those around didn’t buy it, leaning forward in their seats with curious eyes. “Yeah it’s about love and those feelings where you think your heart is about to burst from your chest. Like I said, many will be able to relate to it.”

Jimmy gave a look, “So did someone in your life inspire it perhaps?”

Instead of answering right at that second, Y/n remained grinning as the face of inspiration and the owner of her heart appeared in her mind. His gorgeous hazel eyes glowing under the sunlight. The feeling of his warm body against hers each time he held her in his arms. Tickling sensations from his mustache when he rained kisses across her skin. The sound of his laugh whenever he made a joke or she did something silly just to see him smile. Fingers dancing across the piano while they sang their favorite songs in their own private concert.

Her lover. Her life. Her reason for waking up everyday in an endless state of bliss. The person who inspired nearly every song on the album, best describing it as a love letter to him.

Relationships and romance had been a complicated part of Y/n’s life and career. A reputation often frowned upon despite only seeing a small picture.

It all started one summer day in Nashville, Tennessee. 17-year-old Y/n had big dreams and aspirations of being a singer, spending her free time playing guitar and writing songs about teenage experiences. Growing up in Tennessee, the birthplace of country music, Y/n was surrounded by the legacy of icons like Dolly Parton, The Dixie Chicks, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, Reba McEntire, and Kenny Rogers. It was all she listened to growing up, though she did dabble in pop and R&B—going on to cite Aaliyah, TLC, Whitney Houston, and David Bowie as influences in her music.

“I hear the high school is having a talent show Friday night,” her coworker hummed, handing over the now clean plate to be dried. “Did you sign up?”

“No,” Y/n tiredly exhaled. It was pushing 8 o’clock and she still had one more hour until closing. Working at a popular diner gave Y/n the ability to save for college and an apartment, but it meant working more hours than what she legally was supposed to—on top of balancing school and band. “I have a pre-cal test on monday so I planned to stay in and study.”

“Oh c’mon! You’ve been itching to sign up all year—why back out now? All for a test you know you’ll get an A on?”

Y/n rolled her eyes, taking another plate to dry, “That’s reaching and you know it.”

“Y/n, you’re one of the smartest people in our grade. Literally will be in the top five come graduation. It’s a Friday night and the whole school is gonna be there,” her friend pleads to her, “you’ve got a voice that’s meant to be heard and songs that should be on the radio.”

The teen gives a ‘I don’t think so,’ shrug, “Eh, I feel my style is not exactly what country music is looking for.”

“Maybe so…but maybe it’s what it needs.”

Guitar in hand and shaking like a leaf, Y/n pulled everything in her to drum her fingers on the strings. The spotlight shining down on her made her squint, unable to see into the crowd save for the silhouette of their heads.

“Just breathe, Y/n,” she mentally told herself. It was dead quiet in the auditorium after a light applause when the drama teacher called her name. And since she wasn’t using an electric guitar, there was no way to hook hers up to the speakers. “Breathe and let your voice do the work.”

Clearing her throat, her lips curled into a shy smile, “This is an original song I’ve been working on. Hope you like it.” Slowly the tune began to echo through the auditorium. Y/n’s voice was shaky at the beginning, but soon found confidence when she closed her eyes and pictured herself in the comfort of her own room.

“We were both young when I first saw you.”

“I close my eyes and the flashback starts, I’m standing’ there.”

“On a balcony in summer air.”

Those in the crowd perked up, schoolmates looking at each other with impressed gazes.

“See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.”

“See you make your way through the crowd, and say, “Hello.”

“Little did I know.”

Finally finding her rhythm, a genuine grin broke out on her face.

“That you were Romeo, you were throwin’ pebbles.”

“And my daddy said, “Stay away from Juliet—and I was cryin’ on the staircase,”

“Beggin’ you, “Please don’t go,” she let her voice drag out the ‘go’, igniting jaws to be dropped. “And I said.”

“Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. I'll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run.”

“You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess.”

“It’s a love story, baby, just say, ‘Yes.’”

Needless to say, Y/n went home with the winning trophy….and a meeting with Capitol Records Nashville.

Going to college was no longer the plan for Y/n once her signature hit the contract. 3 albums and a promise to take country music by storm was the new future. Staring as soon as her tassel turned from right to left with the class of 2004. Y/n packed up her tiny Honda Civic with everything she had, kissed her family goodbye with plans to see them for the holidays and settled into a cozy studio apartment smack in the middle of Nashville.

“You have a unique voice and lyrical direction, Y/n,” Randy Kingston, one of the execs at CRN said to her one day. “You’re not full country—by that I mean there’s a pop element you bring to the table. Country-Pop if you will.”

Y/n didn’t know how to respond except nod, “Uhhh yeah? I listen to a lot of different genres—-Pop being a big one. A-and I like to experiment by adding different….flavors to my music.” Her expression turns nervous, “is that gonna be a problem, sir?”

Randy rubbed the bottom of his chin with a hand, “No, I don’t think it will. It’s refreshing and something new. Frankly I think you’re gonna do well with the youngin’s. Your age range will likely be the best receivers.”

Turns out Randy was right. Releasing her first two singles were met with wide recognition from teenagers and young adults. Topping the country music charts for several weeks. During that time Y/n began working on her debut self-titled album on top of filming her first music video for ‘Love Story’. When it dropped, it didn’t just get noticed within the country scene. MTV released it during their early morning showings most people played when getting ready for school and work. Doing so allowed ‘Love Story’ to get more attention that people who were not even country fans were purchasing the single.

“Platinum?!” Y/n screamed at the sight of the framed record indicating ‘Love Story’ sold one million copies.

“Platinum,” Randy grinned, presenting it to her. “Well done, kiddo. You deserve it.” He also dropped the ball that Ellen Degeneres called to schedule an appearance—which nearly had Y/n drop the frame in her hands.

The Ellen Degeneres Show was the first public interview Y/n had ever done. And….it was the first time she was questioned about her love life. Something that would become her greatest nemesis throughout her entire career.

“So your song ‘Love Story’ is all about love, yes?” Ellen asked, igniting a laugh from the audience given the title of the song made it obvious what it was about.

“Yes.”

“So does that mean you got some love going on for yourself? Anyone who inspired this for you?”

“U-Uh, no?” It came out more like a question, causing the audience to laugh while she nervously smiled. “Not really—I-I’m not dating anyone currently, but the song sorta came from my love for romance novels and movies. Everyone desires love,” she nods to herself, “and I wanted to write something that people could relate to. Plus I love Romeo and Juliet—which is the big inspiration for the song.”

Following the appearance on Ellen, Y/n focused on writing music and releasing her albums. Her unique sound of combining country with elements of pop and R&B had listeners from all over the world drawn to her. It was a new era of country music.

But not everyone was very accepting of it.

Older generations and die hard lovers of traditional country were very unwelcoming to Y/n. They felt she didn’t belong in the genre and was better suited for pop. Though Y/n agreed to some extent, she feared making the transition from country to full pop wouldn’t be wise. She was still roughly new to the industry, trusting the judgment of her label who she was contracted to do 3 albums for. So she continued to fulfill her duty until the right moment came.

By the end of the first decade in the 21st century, Y/n had established herself one of the leading artists in country music with four Grammys, six MTV Moonmen, four AMA’s, five Billboard awards and 12 CMA’s. She appeared twice on SNL, performed at Dick Clark’s New Year Rockin’ Eve, and even collaborated with Miranda Lambert.

Yet the media liked to only talk about Y/n’s dating history.

In the first year of her career, Y/n briefly dated Jesse McCartney after first meeting at the 2005 Kids Choice Awards. Shortly after their breakup she was seen with Harry Potter actor Tom Felton, but nothing came out of it. The ‘date’ the media thought had actually been a handout between several of their mutual friends where they happened to be pictured smiling and laughing. After that incident Y/n did get into a five month long relationship with Leonardo DiCaprio, who was twelve years older than her and sparked endless conversation in the media.

Then in 2007-2009 Y/n became involved with Eddie Redmayne following their introduction to each other at Ellen Degeneres’ birthday party. They remained friends afterwards, but their relationship inspired a lot of Y/n’s work which resulted in people criticizing her for making too many break up songs.

“You’ve had quite the track record when it comes to the romance scene, Y/n,” David Letterman voiced during her appearance on his show. The singer was overcome with immediate dread. Again was she subjected to questions about her love life when it was no one’s business. But of course, if there’s one thing men like David have, it’s the audacity. “Which brings me to my next questions: are you dating anyone? And are they gonna have a song about them once you two break up?”

Now unfortunately it was common knowledge late night show hosts were disrespectful towards their guests and didn’t know what boundaries were. Though this was known, however, there was still the underlying pressure to keep silent by smiling and pushing through. Sometimes playing it off like it doesn’t affect you was better than having an outburst and being criticized more by the media. Displaying any offense would label them emotional and sensitive.

Though she wanted nothing more than to walk off the set and cry in her dressing room, Y/n swallowed the lump in her throat and answered as calmly as she could muster. “I’m not seeing anyone at the moment. I just want to focus on my music and what comes from my heart is what I put out.”

When Y/n did get into a relationship or was seen on a friendly date—hell even being spotted when out with a male friend for lunch had paparazzi and tabloids bombarding her.

“Is love in the air….again? Country music’s it girl, 24-year-old Y/n L/n, was seen holding hands with Australian actor Xavier Samuel who’s playing Riley Biers in the upcoming third installment of The Twilight Saga. Just this past March Y/n was linked to the son of Tennessee’s Attorney General. Let’s not forget L/n was in a two year romance with Eddie Redmayne before calling it quits last fall. Fans are starting to notice a pattern when it comes to L/n’s relationships and album releases. Should we expect her new single to drop within the next year? And will this romance with Samuel blossom into something long term or end as a spur of the moment flame?”

Notice how all the attention is Y/n and her life? Never once were the men she dated ever asked questions like she was—even if they had a history rivaling hers. Take Leo for example. The women he dated only got younger than Y/n as the years went on and people barely bat an eye.

After the release of her third studio album with CRN, Y/n had a tough decision to make. By that point her last album had more pop than country. The reaction of the fans was pretty much, “You need to just label yourself a pop artist now.” “‘Red’ was literally 90% Pop with 10% Country.” “Stop saying you’re a country music star when the last album you put out was anything but country.”

So…it was safe to say it was time to make the move to a different genre. Thankfully Capitol Records in Los Angeles was ready with the pen in hand to sign Y/n on. There she had creative control on what she put out and Y/n was excited to get started on a new era in her life.

2012 would go down as the year where Y/n was on the edge of her seat with how her career would go. Fans were mixed about her going to pop despite her recent music having mostly pop elements. Then there was the fact she was dating Tyler Hoechlin from Teen Wolf which had fangirls hating her guts for dating their celebrity crush.

What’s sad is Y/n was used to that reception whenever she was in a relationship with a public figure. First Jesse then Tom, Leo, Eddie, and Xavier. Can’t forget the times she got caught on dates with Robert Pattinson, Micheal B. Jordan, and Chris Evans. Then there were the incidents where the paparazzi captured her making out with Sebastian Stan at an after party and leaving the 2011 Grammys with Nate Buzoliac before he made it big as Kol Mikaelson in The Vampire Diaries.

Getting a break was not in the cards for the singer.

When things ended with Tyler in 2015, Y/n told herself she would not date anyone for awhile. Her album ‘1986’ was met with critical acclaim and positive reception from fans, earning her more awards to her growing collection, including the Grammy for Album of the Year. The entire time on tour she focused on having fun and not worrying about what people thought of her. Yeah she still got questions from interviews and hosts about dating she’d simply reply with, “I’m single, and let’s not entertain that further. Next question.”

@ inmyreputationera: I guess @Y/nL/n86 decided romance isn’t exactly her thing. I wonder how that’ll change her music.

@ stanningselenerr: not me checking @ Y/ndatingupdates daily for any new info.

Those were just the handful of tweets Y/n saw everyday on her Twitter feed. It got to the point she’d have to mute notifications whenever she was tagged. While she hated doing so because she loved interacting with fans, the singer needed time away from the constant surveillance of her personal life.

So fast forward to mid-summer of 2018. Y/n hadn’t put out an album in nearly three years nor had she been dating anyone. Yeah people still asked her from time to time though she learned to not let it affect her. Honestly it was a breath of fresh air. She was happy, healthy, and living her best life. Putting her heart and soul into songwriting which was heavily inspired by the reputation she’d garnered since her debut. Not to mention developing closer bonds with her friends and family after making the impulse decision in 2017 to move back to Tennessee. It felt good to be back home. Returning to her roots and the place that started it all after being away for so many years. It was a great time.

Now she was due back to Los Angeles to meet with her manager and producers. Y/n was ready to get back into the studio as much as her fans were telling her they were waiting for new music. With a first-class ticket in hand, Y/n boarded her red-eye flight from Nashville International to LAX and settled in for the five hour flight. It would have them landing at just after 3am Pacific time and while Y/n wanted to rest, she could not for the life of her sleep on a plane.

Approaching her seat Y/n noticed a man in a military uniform seated in the seat beside hers. “Excuse me,” she caught his attention, his head raising where he put two and two together by her hand pointing to the window seat.

“Oh sorry, ma’am,” it took everything in Y/n not to stare at him when he got up. He was very handsome. In his uniform, hazel eyes and sun kissed skin. The most notable feature was his mustache that most men could not pull off yet he seemed to.

“Do you need help with that?” The question pulled her from her mini daydream. He was referring to the carryon bag in her hand.

“Oh I got it—.”

“It’s no problem,” he was already taking the bag from her, securing it in the overhead compartment.

“Thank you so much,” Y/n thanked him while moving into the row, placing her purse in her lap when she sat down. The man returned to his seat just as the next wave of passengers boarded.

Manny, her personal bodyguard who’d been with Y/n since her first tour, was seated in front of her. When they got the tickets he purposely told her to have them separated saying, “I need my beauty sleep and while I love you, you will talk the entire time.” Sure enough when Y/n leaned over to ask him a question Manny was already knocked out, buckled in with his eye mask over his eyes and earbuds in.

Well that left Y/n with little to do. And when she went to retrieve her Kindle she groaned at the realization she forgot to turn back her reading light.

“Everything okay?” She saw the man in her peripheral vision slightly turn his head.

“Yeah just…annoyed with myself. I thought I packed my reading light but I must’ve misplaced it.” God that made her sound like a grandma.

His response was an ‘ah’ sound. “Wish I could help ya there, but I’m not usually equipped with something like that.”

“It’s fine,” she chuckled, buckling in her seatbelt. “It was to pass the time—I can’t sleep on flights. Even though it's midnight and I should feel tired.”

“I’m the same,” he suddenly extended a hand, “I’m Bradley by the way.”

Hesitant to reply in case he were to react to her name, Y/n pushed back any concern and gave a warm smile as she took his hand, “I’m Y/n. Nice to meet you, Bradley.”

“Y/n…” her name was repeated slowly, Bradley’s eyes consorting as though they were deep in thought. A wave of dread and nerves coursed through her. Then Bradley grinned, “Oh! I thought you looked familiar. You sing that song—what was it, ‘Love Story?’ Sorry I don’t mean to sound weird,” he let go of her hand when he realized he was still shaking it. “And I don’t want to bother you. I just can’t help but go, ‘wow!’”

“No-no-no, it’s okay! You’re totally fine.” Before long the two fell into conversation following the typical pre-flight announcements. Y/n was amazed by how natural it felt talking to Bradley. She discovered he was a Naval aviator, coming home from an assignment overseas and was flying to L.A to visit some friends. Bradley had been a graduate of UVA and attended the elite Fighter Weapons School, marking ten years with the navy that year.

“Forgive me for admitting this,” he said after the first hour into the flight, lowering his voice when a passenger trying to sleep glared at them. “But while I know who you are…I’m not really familiar with your work. Y-yeah I mentioned your one song but that’s literally all I know,” he laughed nervously. “My taste in music, I’m embarrassed to say aloud, is very limited.”

Y/n tilts her head, “how limited?”

“Uh, I pretty much only listen to the 1950s all the way to the 80s. Dabbling in what’s popular nowadays once in a blue moon. My karaoke songs are all Jerry Lewis” Bradley gives a gentle smile, “And while I can easily do a Google search, I’d much rather hear it from you if you don’t mind telling me.”

What’s that saying again? Oh that’s right, ‘And the rest was history.’

No but literally Y/n could barely contain her attraction to Bradley after he said that to her. She hoped to God she didn’t look like a fool as she spoke of her career and cool places she’s been. Time flew as they talked. In fact the two were so caught up in their conversation they talked the remainder of the journey to L.A, ending with the exchange of phone numbers and the promise to meet up.

It was decided right from the get go that Bradley and Y/n wanted to keep their relationship hidden. Regardless if the one date went somewhere, the last thing Y/n wanted was to have Bradley in the public eye and cause complications with his job. And let’s not forget her album was releasing within the next year. So, there was going to be a lot of attention on her wherever she went.

“The fact we’ve managed to keep this quiet for a year is outstanding,” Y/n said through a mouthful of cake. Bradley had surprised her with her favorite kind, the icing on the top reading, ‘Happy Anniversary, baby—we’ve got them fooled.’

She couldn’t believe they were already marking one year. Time didn’t seem to exist when she was with Bradley. He was everything she envisioned in a partner. Caring, compassionate, funny, intuitive. Listened to her concerns and communicated. Never made her doubt herself or paid attention to the media.

When she brought up her reputation, or better yet the one the press painted her out to have, Bradley stopped her and said, “who you have history with is not my business—unless they did something to hurt you because then I’ll have a problem with them. And those people talking nonsense about you have nothing else better to do with themselves. I care about you, Y/n. The only one who has influence on how I see you, is you. And I see you as the most beautiful, hardworking, intelligent person who knows her worth. Fuck what they say.”

Yeah that night ended with her jumping his bones.

Bradley took a fork full of his own into his mouth, “I for sure thought they were gonna catch us the night I snuck you on base.” After their first meeting in L.A, Bradley had returned to Virginia while Y/n remained to work on her album. It was a couple months before she went home to Tennessee, then for the holidays they planned to meet up when Y/n was on her way to New York. Sneaking her on base involved the two going undercover where they met at a discreet location and having Y/n shove herself under blankets in his backseat.

The singer laughed at the memory, “Thank Goodness for Shania. Had she not posted that photo to ‘tip off’ the paps then we’d have a whole different outcome.” Bradley laughed with her, placing his fork down on the napkin.

“I’m sorry I can’t be there for your release day,” Bradley had been called back to Top Gun for a special detachment by the Navy. Unfortunately the timing was right when her sixth studio album would drop. The details were still unclear, but that it was a team mission where he would compete against his colleagues. Y/n had yet to meet any of Bradley’s friends and vice versa. The only people in her circle who knew of their relationship were her manager, Manny, and family. But when you signed up to keep your love life private, it meant friends were lost in the dark.

“It’s okay, Roo,” she told him. “We’ll have our own celebration.” Another cake, this time with the design being the album’s cover art on it, was brought over the day before Bradley was set to fly to San Diego and the two had their private release party with just the two of them. The music was blasting through the speakers, Y/n jumping up and down with Bradley who was singing at the top of his lungs.

“Band-aids don’t fix bullet holes! You say sorry just for show! If you live like that, you live with ghosts!”

“I’m in a getaway car. I left you in a motel bar. Put the money in a bag and I stole the key—that was the last time you ever saw me—Oh!”

“Ooh, look what you made me do! Look what you made me do! Look what you just made me do!”

Champagne was popped, kisses were shared, and they danced the entire night until it came time to sleep.

They FaceTimed whenever Bradley had free time, even if it was in the later hours of the night. Those three weeks Y/n felt her heart long for Bradley in a way it had never done with her previous partners. She felt his excitement, his distress. The day he left for the mission Y/n paced around her home for hours—unable to focus on anything and overcome with nausea. It was as though her mind was trying to tell her something was wrong.

Relief came at around nightfall, the singer tripping as she raced to grab her phone when it rang. Seeing Bradley’s picture pop up had the breath she was holding in release. “Oh thanks God,” was the first thing she said.

“I’m coming back to you,” was his response. Tears pricked in the corner of her eyes, hand going to her chest to calm the rapid beat of her heart.

“I would expect nothing less, Lieutenant Bradshaw.”

Several celebrations were in store for the couple when Bradley returned to the east coast. Not only did he receive a medal from the Navy for his brave actions but got a promotion. Y/n’s album hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the first hour of its release, prompting a record number of sales in a single night for the singer.

“I’m so proud of you, Bradley,” she praised, patting the new patch on his uniform indicating he was now a Lieutenant Commander. She was met with a sweet kiss on the lips.

“Thank you, baby. I’m proud of you too—you’re gonna win everything come awards season.”

During the 2020 Grammy’s, Bradley leaped from the couch in absolute joy when Y/n’s name was called for the winner of Pop Album of the Year and Record of The Year. She missed out on Album of the Year, but that was okay. She was now the owner of 12 Grammys in total. Coming home the following night Y/n’s home was decorated with balloons, a banner reading, ‘Congratulations!!’ and of course, a cake with an edible Grammy topper.

And so it came time for a break. Six albums in a fifteen-year long career, Y/n kept it under the wraps that she wouldn’t be putting out another album for some time. Fans had started to notice she was more uplifted and vibrant in interviews, posting things on social media that were suspicious. For example she uploaded a photo of red roses, captioning it “the symbol of love.” Then there was the screenshotting of well known love songs and posting them on her story.

@ Y/nstansince04: is it me or does @Y/nL/n86 appear happier than usual? Is she hiding something?

@ getawaycarlover_: @Y/nL/n86 totally has a man or someone in her life. That recent Instagram post had all the hints.

@ fearlessdefender: I bet it’s a normal guy she’s with and not a celebrity. If it was we’d probably would’ve known by now who it was.

@ Y/ns_red_lipstick: honestly if Y/n does have a boyfriend then I’m happy for her and wish them the best. She deserves to be happy and we should respect their privacy. She doesn’t have to share with the world if it’s their desire to keep it secret.

Right when the world went to chaos at the brink of a global pandemic, Y/n thought, “you know what, I’m gonna just delete my social media—not my accounts but the apps on my phone. I want to go off the grid for a bit and just enjoy my family and boyfriend.” Not having the constant shadow of social media on her back made it easier for the singer on the break she desired.

Everyday she fell more in love with Bradley. She had been visiting him when quarantine happened so they basically went to the next step in their relationship by living together. Again, it all felt natural. They settled into a domestic life with each other early on with homemade dinners, movie nights, nerf gun wars, and karaoke contests. Bradley on the piano and Y/n with her guitar, being each other’s act and audience in their private concert.

“You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain. Too much love drives a man insane. You broke my will, but what a thrill. Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!”

“Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone. I’ll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run. You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess. It’s a love story, baby just say, ‘Yes!’”

Late nights were reserved for drives with the speakers blasting. Y/n camera roll would be filled with endless videos of the two, but mostly of Bradley jamming to his favorite songs. More often than usual the thought of, “I’m gonna marry this man,” would cross her mind.

“You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog. Cryin’ all the time. You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog. Cryin’ all the time. Well, you ain’t never caught a rabbit and you ain’t no friend of mine!”

Y/n would lean her body out the window when it was a clear road where they were the only ones, hair blowing and the light from the moon shining down on her. Her beautiful voice carried in the night sky, Bradley in absolute awe of her and wanting to capture the moment forever.

“I came home in the mornin’ light—my mother says, ‘when you gonna live your life right?’ Oh momma dear, we’re not the fortunate ones. And girls, they wanna have fun. Oh girls just wanna have fun!”

But was supposed to be maybe two years at most…..ended up being close to five.

Honestly Y/n was surprised to still have fans. To say they were shitting bricks when she out of the blue dropped a cover art for her upcoming single, ‘Love’ would be an understatement. They were losing their fucking minds.

@ Y/nwhereforartthou: IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING OH MY FUCKING SHIT! PLEASE TELL ME THIS AINT A JOKE Y/N IS COMING BACK AFTER FIVE FUCKING YEARS

@ stilladirectionerbby: *insert Micheal Scott gif* OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING—Y/N’S RELEASING NEW MUSIC

@ MTV: when all hope was lost, our prayers were answered….by @Y/nL/n86

Then she announced in the same week they were getting not one but two albums that year.

@ themadalorianswife: TWO ALBUMS?!?! WE GETTING TWO?!?! GOD FUCKING BLESS

@ daddyisastateofmind: oh mother is spoiling us after making us wait so long and I absolutely am here for it.

@ neveroutofstyle_: love how @Y/nL/n86 basically said “this is my sorry for falling off the face of the earth, please forgive me.” On behalf of the fandom, we forgive you queen.

And wanna know something else?

What was even more impressive than becoming a ghost for five years with little to no sightings by the paparazzi, was that she and Bradley had yet to be discovered. Her lover was just as good of a ghost as she was. Their secret was like trying to find the Holy Grail.

Hidden like a treasure the world desired to unearth.

And on their six year anniversary, Bradley got them the same cake as the first time he did. The icing reading, "Happy 7 years, baby—we’ve totally got them fooled.”

…………….

TGM Tag list: @avaleineandafryingpan , @caitsymichelle13 , @poppyalice2001 , @cutelittlepotatofry , @luckyladycreator2 , @americaarse , @elenavampire21 , @back-tooo-black , @wildellaa , @artemissunn , @pinkpantheris

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littlexscarletxwitch · 1 year ago

Text

── ༊*·˚⋆ 𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗴𝗮𝗺𝗲

paring: florence pugh x fem!reader

tag(s): fluff, based on endgame by taylor swift (you don't understand how much i'm loving this song), cute gf flo

warning(s): grammatical errors, unedited

word count: 2.2k

note: omg, it's finally here. I'm so sorry it took me sooo long, it just I was super busy. Was this inspire by Ms. Taylor Swift? Yes, yes it was. I really hope you guys like this one. I'm not a native english speaker, so please let me know about any sort of mistake. Love you all so much <3

note 2: guys, I'm currently reading 'Delilah Green doesnt' care' and it's giving me so many ideas for fics. So would any of you be interest in more mum!florence? Please let me know. Xoxo, M

requests are open! + check my rules here + masterlist <3

Your eyes were closed, your head was on her chest listening to her steady heartbeats, a soft smile formed on your lips.

“Promise me this is forever,” you whispered.

You knew she was awake, she was doing the same thing as you, enjoying the moment, living in the present.

Your eyes found hers already looking at you.

“I promise,” she said, her smile mirroring yours.

Her lips found yours as if sealing the promise forever, but nothing ever lasts forever. The kiss that was first sweet and soft and filled with love, turned bitter, harsh and cold. You pulled back confusion written all over your face.

You blink once then twice, and suddenly you were waking up on your bed, alone. You cursed yourself at the stupid memory. It was so pathetic to still think about Florence that way. You two were history, long forgotten, just a memory of your adolescence.

You shook your head, trying to wake up your foggy brain from the nap you had taken. And decided to get some work done as a way to clear your head from your silly old fantasies.

You made yourself a cup of tea, grabbed your notebook and put your headphones on. You only had three more months to finish your second album. The deadline wasn’t much of a concern of yours, what bothered you was the lack of inspiration. Every lyric you would write down was just trash, it was as if you were missing something. So far you had only five finished songs, and you needed ten more to have the album finished.

You were humming, moving your head to the beat as you let your brain come up with the right words, but it felt as if you were stuck.

“I wanna be your endgame,” you sang to the beat. “I wanna be, I wanna be your… ” you threw your head back in annoyance, frustration getting the best out of you.

You had been sitting on the floor for the last hour, trying to finish this one song but you were not even close to it. You took a deep breath trying not to lose your shit. Your phone buzzed, the screen lighting up with a new notification and that took your whole attention.

“Y/n Y/l/n and Drew Starkey spotted out for dinner,” you read out loud and couldn’t help rolling your eyes at the link your manager and best friend had sent you.

According to the news, you were dating both Drew Starkey and Joe Keery. You also almost got engaged the week before to Rudy Pankow, but apparently cheated on him with Maya Hawke. You knew better than to actually pay attention to fake news, but you couldn’t help to. After all that was now your life, the life of a startpop in the making, so much for a boring Oxford kid.

Your reputation precedes you, in rumours you were knee-deep. But there was nothing you could do about it. Exhausted from your social life and the poor lack of motivation to do the one thing you loved the most, you decided to go out on a walk, hoping it would help to clear your thoughts about both the fake news and Florence, who you tried to ignore from thinking of. But ever since that dream you found yourself thinking about her more often.

You knew she was as famous as you were, maybe even more. You had to admit to yourself that some nights you found some kind of comfort in her movies, watching her cute pouty face, the one she was most known for.

She was your first love, she taught you how to love, what it was to be loved. Of course it wasn’t easy to forget about her, even after all these years, some part of you still craved her love. It wasn’t that you didn’t love each other when you both decided to go separate ways, it was because things weren’t so simple anymore. You two weren’t just two teenargs in love, you were slowly becoming adults. She had booked roles and you were making your way into the music industry.

And without the two of you knowing you two just drifted apart, the two of you too caught up in your careers. But you loved her, so you decided to let her go, hoping and praying to the universe that maybe she would come back to you one day.

Your thoughts were interrupted as you opened the door to your local cafe and someone bumped into you.

“Sorry, I wasn’t… “ but you stopped cold once you saw the strangers eyes.

“Y/n?” she asked, her voice as soft and raspy as you remembered. “What are you doing here?” a smile formed on her face, as if she was genuinely happy to see you.

You shook your head trying to clear out your mind, was Florence really in front of you? “I, um, I lived here,” you blinked once, twice and she was still there. “Just around the corner,” you added, cursing yourself for being so awkward. “What are you doing here?”

Was this a sign of the universe? Have your prayers been answered?

“Visiting my family,” right her family, you thought. “Well, not just that, I’m also working,” she scratched the back of her neck. “I was actually hoping to see you, too.”

“Really?” that had to mean something, the universe couldn't be messing around with you this cruelly. Right?

“Yeah, I have, um… I have been thinking about you.” she smiled at you and you felt the butterflies in your stomach. “I think we should talk.”

“I, um,” what were you supposed to say? Were you willingly going to agree to spend time with the love of your life as if the two of you were going to be just friends? What was that supposed to mean?

“Yeah, sure. When are you free?” you finally agree.

You mentally checked your schedule, you were supposed to finish your songs but taking a break wouldn’t hurt anybody. Plus, you were going to get your coffee and get back to it right away.

“Um, what about now?”

Shit, you thought. She wasn’t going to give you any time to prepare yourself. Well, you better get into it, rip it off like a band aid.

“Okay, I was going to get a coffee and then we can…”

“Yeah, yeah, take your time. I’m going to find us a table.”

You order your coffee while mentally preparing for the conversation the two of you were going to have. What was she on about? Was it really a big coincidence? Did the universe put her in our path for some reason? You shook your head, you needed to stop thinking about the universe’s way of working for a second.

They handed you your coffee and now you had no more excuses to avoid her, not that you wanted to. Some part of you long to be near her, but you were scared of what this whole thing was about.

“So, um, what’s up with Drew?” she tried to pretend she didn’t care but was actually dying to know if you were actually dating him, not that you noticed it.

“Who?”

“Drew? Starkey?”

“Oh, yeah, Drew,” you chuckled, silly you for forgetting your own friend. “He’s just a friend, a really good friend,” was it your imagination or did she just let out a breath of relief. “What about Ashley?” you asked before taking a sip of your coffee.

She smiled at you, “She’s also a really good friend.”

“So, um…”

“Listen, Y/n…”

The both of you chuckled.

“You go first, Flo”

That nickname. It was stupid because everyone who knew her would call her ‘Flo’, but coming out of your lips felt different. She had missed hearing her name on your lips, she had missed you.

“I’m just going to say it, okay?” you only nodded. “I lied earlier, I’m not here for work or visiting my family. I came here to find you,” your lips parted in disbelief. “Ever since we broke things apart, I had been feeling like something was missing, Y/n. And I recently realised it was you. Well, I saw the article about you getting married and all I could think of was that something wasn’t right.”

“Florence I…”

“No, please let me finish,” she cut you off. “I understand that we are strangers to each other, but I would love to get to know you once again. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, it can be like a fresh start. I just really need you in my life, Y/n. I miss my best friend.”

You took another sip of your coffee, stealing time before giving her an answer. The truth was you already knew what you wanted, you knew it the moment you sat at the table, but you wanted to mess with her just a little bit.

You put your cup down, and finally your eyes found hers, “I would like nothing more.”

[...]

Ever since that day, Florence and you had been spending everyday together. Catching up with each other and going back to old habits.

The more you hang out with her, the more you could feel your old feeling coming back. But you didn’t want to rush things just to ruin them again. But one particular afternoon you couldn't hold back anymore and decided to do something about it.

She had fallen asleep 30 minutes ago, you chuckled as you realised her current state because she had picked out the movie but turns out she was more tired than what she let you see.

You headed to your small studio and decided to get back to the song you were working on before running into Florence. You knew exactly what you wanted to say, having found your new inspiration a few weeks ago.

You pressed play and the music started playing, you already had a few things written down in your notebook you just needed to put all your ideas together.

You were so lost and immersed in finishing the song, going at it back and forth, changing some lyrics, singing some ideas, writing and crossing out some bits, that you didn’t realise someone was watching you just when you were about to finish.

You had already recorded the whole song and were just checking it out when Florence leaned in the frame door.

Florence smiled as she listened to your sweet voice. She wondered who this song was about.

Knew her when I was young, reconnected when we were little bit older

Both sprung, I got issues and chips on both of my shoulders

She didn’t want to get her hopes up.

Reputation precedes me, in rumors, I'm knee-deep

The truth is, it’s easier to ignore it, believe me

She felt her heart shrinking in her chest.

Even when we'd argue, we'd not do it for long

And you understand the good and bad end up in the song

She listened closely to the song as you hummed to it.

For all your beautiful traits and the way you do it with ease

For all my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities

Her heartbeat and body temperature were rising.

I've made mistakes and made some choices, that's hard to deny

After the storm, something was born on the 4th of July

I've passed days without fun, this end game is the one

With four words on the tip of my tongue, I'll never say it

She couldn't take it any longer.

“I like it,” she said, getting closer to where you were sitting. “It’s catchy,” she said, trying to shake her feeling away. That song could be about anyone.

“I feel like something’s missing,” you scrunch your nose.

“Sing the corus to me, please,” she looked at you with her doe eyes and you swear you could have melted in that moment.

You shook your head with a smile on your face and compiled, “I wanna be your endgame, endgame,” you finished singing the chorus. “And then it goes. Big reputation, big reputation. Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations, ah,” you sang, trying to not look at Florence.

“You know, it sounds awfully familiar,” she teased, wanting nothing more than for it to be true.

“And you heard about me, ooh. I got some big enemies,” you kept on going.

“What are you trying to say, Y/n?” she kept on pushing you.

“Big reputation, big reputation. Ooh, you and me would be a big conversation, ah. And I heard about you, ooh. You like the bad ones, too,” you finished, trying to tell her that you were thinking exactly what she was thinking.

She was so close to you now, her knees brushing against yours, sending electricity throughout your body. You could feel her hot breath on your lips.

“I want to…” she didn’t finish her sentence because you were already nodding and she smashed her lips to yours in a second.

You felt as if a wave of cold water was washing over you. Her lips felt both familiar and new at the same time. You felt at home as she wrapped her arm around your waist and her other hand cupped your cheek. You didn’t want to ever stop kissing her, but both you and her needed to breathe so ultimately pulled apart.

She rested her forehead on yours, both of her hands cupping your cheeks, caressing your skin with her fingertips.

“I wanna be your endgame,” you quietly sang to her.

She chuckled before kissing you again and again and again.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3

-M

#florence pugh #florence pugh x reader #florence pugh x fem reader #florence pugh x y/n #florence pugh x you #florence pugh fluff #florence pugh imagine #littlexscarletxwitch's fic #Spotify #[🎧⊹♡] based on songs i love

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allisonmourning · 7 months ago

Text

🦋ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅🦋

New song this week! However, I first need to give some updates on the Winter Butterfly remake.

Winter Butterfly is turning TEN(!!!!) this year. Originally, I was going to remake this album in celebration. However, things didn't go as planned, so I've decided to cancel the remake.

However, on Winter Butterfly's 10th anniversary (July 3rd), I will be releasing my new album, Phoenix. I will also be posting all of my old music for download. This is around the time that the Spinster remake and the original version will be uploaded to Youtube. So Winter Butterfly will technically still be coming out on the 10 year anniversary, but it'll be a re-release of the 2014 and 2017 versions.

🦋ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅🦋

There's a few reasons the remake didn't work out. The short explanation is

(1) Producing/Mixing/Uploading Phoenix took all my time.

(2) Phoenix still isn't done. I want to use Rin on the Spinster remake, and I'm hoping I'll be able to afford her soon. Additionally, the other remake on Phoenix had a lot of key changes, so the guitar part took a long time to rewrite. I'm also currently experimenting with Glitch Hero for the drums, which is making the track take longer then usual.

(3) The amount of work Winter Butterfly needs just can't be done in 2 months. Partly because:

(4) Winter Butterfly has 2 track listings. One from 2014 and one from 2017. In 2017, I didn't want to release the same exact same album a second time. So I decided to take out all the slow songs that I (at the time) thought were boring and replaced them with newer songs that were a little more musically matured. With the exception of Trash lol. So if I were to release a "full" version of Winter Butterfly, the album would become a slog because of the over-representation of slow songs.

The other reason Winter Butterfly can't be done in 2 months is because

(5) Winter Butterfly isn't very cohesive. Hear Me/Epitaph are thematically consistent with My Suicide. Imogen is part of a series with Amnesia, Can't Let You Go, and Eternity. Sacrifice and Forgetting Me belong with Rivalry/Lies and Riverbanks/Decereus' Aria. Words Elude Me/The Meadow and Sarah Ann's Lullaby belong with To Save Him.

(6) I'm at a point where I kind of just want to move on. My plans in 2020 included remaking my old stuff one last time and finally putting those songs to rest. When I decided to come back to being a vocalo-p, my first instinct was to pick up where I left off. Especially since Winter Butterfly is turning 10 this year and I wanted to do some kind of 10 year edition. But when I started working on it, I was just overwhelmed.

So many songs on this album are divorced from their context. While recreating Sacrifice, for example, I found the songs that Sacrifice was created from: The Mystery Girl and the Kitten, Requiem, Opitus, and Family Secrets. Rather than put Sacrifice back into a Winter Butterfly remake, I think it would be more fulfilling to put it back into its original context, rather than release it with songs like Hear Me/Epitaph, The Bottom of the Lake, or Haunt Me.

Additionally, I turned 30 last October. The oldest lyrics on Winter Butterfly, The Bottom of the Lake, were written when I was 14. That's more than half my life ago! The earliest songs from this album (Sarah Ann's Lullaby, Forgetting Me, Sacrifice) have lyrics that were written when I was 18 and music that was written when I was 19.

From this point onward, I think I'm going to focus on new music. I'll probably integrate some remakes into future albums (like I'm doing with Spinster and the other unannounced song). But some songs need to be fully re-contextualized. Other songs just need to be completely broken down and their parts re-used.

If anyone was looking forward to this release, I'm sorry it ended up not working out. I hope the release of Phoenix and the upload of my discography will make up for it 🖤🖤🖤

🦋ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ॱ🖤ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅🦋

To anyone who's read this far: THANK YOU. I know that was a lot of text. Now here's some info on the song I'll be releasing on Friday :)

The Forbidden Fruit started out as a song called Whore. It took a lot of influence from symphonic and gothic metal artists who've incorporated Latin choirs, like Epica, Within Temptation, Evanescence, and Theatre of Tragedy. The Theatre of Tragedy song doesn't have a choir, but it still illustrates how ubiquitous Latin is in gothic metal.

The Lady Parsec demo of Whore was first shared on Youtube in 2018. The first demo vocalist was Miku, then it was changed to Cyber Diva. When I was researching Latin phrases, I accidentally used a fraternity's motto, leading to a necessity in replacing the Latin lyrics OTL

This year (2024), the lyrics were entirely rewritten to be more metaphorical and to utilize the characters/motifs that I've been introducing since my rebrand.

Lyrically, The Forbidden Fruit draws on many songs I've released in the past. Every day this week, I'll be uploading a demo that's either referenced in or a thematic precursor to The Forbidden Fruit. Since this is a post related to Winter Butterfly, the first demo I'll be sharing is the Winter Butterfly 2017 version of Blood and Wine.

🦋ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ॱ🖤ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅🦋

#🎵#Blood and Wine #2017 #Prima #Megurine Luka #Megurine Luka V4 #Winter Butterfly 2017 #Grey Skies

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ladycharles · 2 months ago

Text

Oh Boy track by track part 4

Cherry Chapstick (long read sorry)

No disco adaptation of Hamlet would be complete without a disco dance duet, and in this case it's Uncle Arvin (Polonius) and the father who do a Saturday Night Fever style routine tinged with jealousy and contempt.

More than any piece this one made sense to really lean on the disco cliches, and I thought the vibes called for the most hated disco of all: aging white rocker disco. And so Rod Stewart's Do Ya Think I'm Sexy became the key muse. No lie though, Rod Stewart absolutely fucks on this one.

I created a synth-string melody that recalled it or Abba's Man After Midnight, then set about laying down some disco guitars and building an arrangement. It was very difficult and much more fussy than the rest of the album, since essentially I was composing to a rigid set of rules with no particular creative spark.

My friend Emma came by to collaborate since I was hitting a wall and we threw some ideas around. What appealed to us both was to take the basic 'boy meets girl, do they like each other, yes they do' narrative and transpose it onto something a bit gayer.

And so the song became a sort of response to Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl - in this case it's the firmly Lesbian character who is unsure if the friend she's fooling around with actually wants her or just wants to experiment.

I was really hoping that Emma would sing most of it, both because she's a great singer and because I am observed at all times by a number of insufferable TERFs who would absolutely hate me singing as a lesbian character.

Emma is, however, a complex person with a tendency to disappear for long stretches and unfortunately she did so right after we had drafted the lyrics and recorded some preliminary takes.

From there on the song really defeated me. The key was too high, I must have done a hundred takes in a shaky falsetto before finally rewriting the melody. I found that the more I fussed over the song the more its threads unravelled, and eventually it was such an unwieldly mess of issues that I threw my hands up and admitted defeat. I would put it out, but it wouldn't be polished like I wanted.

Well as it turns out because this song was the last one finished and took forever, Erin was unable to mix it having just had an amazing family milestone, and I ended up getting in touch with another great producer to mix the last tracks, this and Hands.

Mark Plati was the bandleader and guitarist for David Bowie back in 2003 when I saw him perform in Toronto. He produced Earthling, a searing industrial dance record that established the 50 year old Bowie as someone who still had tricks up his sleeves.

He was amazing to work with, but the thing with professionals, especially in that generation, is that they are direct and honest...

And he called out the utter mess that was Cherry Chapstick, absolutely read it like tea leaves. Though my confidence had bottomed out, that lit a fire in me to load up that project and finally kick its ass rather than letting it kick mine. I redid my vocals (some were embarrassingly off to the point I can't believe I sent them to fucking Mark Plati) but I put every ounce of strength I had into my breath, control and phrasing and finally had something to be proud of.

His mix found the pulsing 4/4 backbeat that was buried in my rough mix, and was the finishing touch to turn it into the disco song it very nearly failed to be.

#indie rock #glam rock #disco #disco rock #indie disco #lady charles #nonbinary #genderfluid #nonbinary musicians #spotify #david bowie #Mark Plati #Rod Stewart #Abba #Do Ya Think I'm Sexy #gimme gimme gimme

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im-tempted · 1 year ago

Note

The Black Parade is a rock opera concept album written by American rock band My Chemical Romance. It follows the story of a young, ex military, terminal cancer patient as he reckons with his life, death, and the impact his life really had. Many people like to rearrange the song order of the album to tell the story, however I think the order of all of the tracks in Black Parade are where they’re meant to be. MyChem’s other albums tell a cohesive story within their designated track orders and never need to be swapped around so I personally follow that rule as well when it comes to Black Parade.

Of course we start with The End narrating, rather sarcastically, the current situation of our protagonist. The End and Dead! are two tracks in this album that are the definition of DO NOT SEPARATE.

Generally I see The End and Dead! as the big opener,This Is How I Disappear as anger The Sharpest Lives as reckless self indulgence/destruction, Welcome to the Black Parade as a reflection in a moment of clarity almost like a broken promise the patient never wanted to break, I Don’t Love You is the patient speaking to his partner possibly trying to convince them to give up loving him because he's a dead man already.

House of Wolves is the religious guilt/anger of realizing that all the actions he took serving his country and how he lived his life were damning and not saving, while Welcome to the Black Parade is a hopeful look on the afterlife, House of Wolves is a negative. “Heaven” vs “Hell” maybe.

Cancer is pretty self explanatory, patient speaking to his loved ones nearing his end. Mama is A Lot. It’s a confession of sin from the war (this and blood and dead are where the military context comes from as well as the social political climate of when the album was released) it's a confession of sin in the personal life as well. “You should have raised a baby girl I could have been a better son” can take on a few meanings all of which are up for interpretation. Sleep is a sobering realization. It’s devoid of anger or passion or anything, like a quiet defeat.The opening tape recording is of Gerard describing to their therapist the nightmares they had while staying in a haunted house to write this album with his bandmates.

Teenagers I have not enough to say regarding the overall story but a banger. Disenchanted is in the title, it's the final result and reflection of the patient’s life. No matter what he did it was always going to end up this way. Nothing he could have done would have changed it.

Famous Last Words is an interesting one. Gerard originally wrote it for their brother Mikey, who was taking a short break from the band during the writing process to deal with various mental health going ons at the moment. When he returned and heard the song he asked for it (AND DISENCHANTED!) to be on the album. It fits thematically, and adds a hopeful note to the end of a tragedy.

THESE ARE MY INTERPRETATIONS I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR OWN IF YOU'VE GOT ANY. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING ALBUM

this became so much longer than i thought it would i am so sorry

ok finally have the time to sit down and respond to this idk how long this will get i have thoughts(tm) if theirs one thing I'm always thinking about it's death and SPECIFICALLY terminal illness which as someone who's actually had that will probably wildly influence my reading of the album (I know shock to everyone I've never been to war) as well as my big feelings about medical things in general (this album was made in a lab about me actually)

overarching it's always interesting to see stories where death is not only expected but something actively being waited for I feel like everyone and their mother knows they're going to die to the point it's joked about but I don't think many people actually understand that as someone who had to metaphorically stare down the barrel of a gun from birth it's always interesting to see others express that feeling of not quite apathy that I've always felt but the moment you stop trying to claw your way away from death and when you start just living with it always over you shoulder

anyways back to the actual album

there's something so visceral about giving your body to your country and having it not be able to save you back of sacrificing your safety for you to come back home just to die of something no one can save you from there is no atonement in death of chance you went somewhere and you hurt a lot of people and you come back and don't even have the chance to die of it you die of chance like all the others like people who weren't broken for a cause who didn't shape themselves into a weapon to serve

they say that they don't feel bad for the blood on their hands and should they? for getting sucked into the largest propaganda campaign for trying their best for being in the wrong place at the wrong time a dying man can feel no guilt at some point it's just to late there is no point in feeling bad for what brought you somewhere when you simply don't have time

I think this album is also particularly interesting when the singer is explicitly talking to others (like in mama) 'cuz even though the POV person seems to have come to terms with what they've done it's interesting to one of the hardest parts of dying is trying to explain to anyone else you are because no one will actually believe you I don't have to many thoughts on that right now but I just think that's a part of dying people don't talk about is when you've come to terms with it and no one else has

OVERALL I will be thinking about this album probably for a while and this isn't even close to all of my thoughts but I have so many posts I can make in the future so there's always that This one got a tad away from me I can talk about each song on it's own later if you want but for right now I think all the time about what it's like for someone to come to terms with the fact they are dying and what they had to make themselves to get there (< is so normal about this and hasn't based their whole life around it for almost two decades)

GREAT SONGS

#as I said this got away from me #and you should be grateful/j #love to hear your thoughts please ask me anything I love it so much #album of all time #stickers #adam fucking around #tw medical

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ghost-of-you · 1 year ago

Text

we just danced backwards into each other - ch - part 8

Paring: Calum Hood x Original Female Character.

Warnings: Swearing, mildly angsty vibes.

Word Count: 8k

Authors note: sorry this one took so long, i got stuck on a scene here and nothing i wrote about it was working, but finally got it and things started flowing a lot better, i actually already have a good chunk of the next part written, so hopefully ill update soon

Read it on AO3

Part 7 Part 9

Masterlist

_______

Lena smiles from her place on the floor when Calum greets her, fixing the last of the cables, before scrambling to her feet and out of the booth. She had asked him to meet her in the studio with little notice so even though he told her he'd be there, she's excited to see him.

“I had an idea,” she says, bouncing on her feet as she stops in front of him, looking up at him expectantly, making him chuckle.

"Okay?”

"You know how we agree that voice note is like, the best version of the song?" She asks, waiting for him to agree before continuing, "what if we did the song as a live take? I can clean it and mix it and if it sounds good we go with it, if it doesn’t we’ll try something else."

“Sounds like a plan,” he nods and she grins at him.

“So you’re in?”

“It’s your song,” he laughs and she frowns at him.

“Come on, it’s ours,” she playfully shoves his shoulder making him chuckle, “I just thought that like this it would stay, you know, ours,” she shrugs, turning around to get her notebook in her backpack.

“Is that why we’re alone?” He asks, sounding confused as he sits in one of the chairs next to the board.

“I am qualified, you know?" She shrugs, sitting next to him. It wasn't easy to get her team to allow this to happen, but she had worked as an engineer for herself on other tracks of the album, so there wasn't a real excuse to not let her do it for this one. "There's a catch though, they need to be on while we record," she says, pointing through the glass into the booth to the 2 cameras set up around the piano, "and if you don't want that we can figure something-" she trails off as he looks at her, an amused glint in his eyes.

“Are you nervous?” He teases and she looks at him in disbelief.

“Yeah? I only ever did this for myself, having someone else in the studio is intimidating."

“It’s just me,” he chuckles and she rolls her eyes.

“Shut up, do you know how many number-one albums you have? Right now you’re not the boy who used to copy my math homework," she complains, running her hands through her hair and he laughs.

"The boy who copied your math homework? That's all I am?"

"Oh, yeah, absolutely, just the kid that sat behind me."

“Love,” he says, tilting his head and she can tell he can see she’s spiraling.

“I want this to work,” she tells him, glancing at the controls, before dropping her head, “I need this to work."

"It's gonna work. Are you done setting up?"

"Yeah," she nods, and he grabs her hand, pulling her up.

"Okay, come on," he says, moving them to the booth.

“Sit down,” Calum says, patting the seat beside him and she narrows her eyes at him.

“Why?”

“I’m teaching you the song,” he says, reaching for her hand and pulling her towards him, and she rolls her eyes, sitting down.

“You know can’t play that.”

“Nonsense.”

“I really can’t.”

“Just trust me.”

“Me trusting you doesn’t change the fact I can’t play the piano.”

"Can you hit a key on the right tempo?"

“I can’t make any guarantees,” she laughs, hitting some random notes just prove her point.

“I believe in you,” he teases, and she sighs, looking at her hands before looking back at him.

“Okay, let’s do this.”

Lena didn't plan on making that noise into the microphone. She didn't plan on making that noise at all. Given the way it had echoed through the arena, calling it a squeal didn't feel big enough. A shriek? A flat-out scream? All she knew is that every eye in the area around the stage and the soundboard was on her and Sylvia was looking at her fondly annoyed.

"Sorry, everyone," she apologized into the mic, making a point of keeping her voice as soft as she could through the excitement coursing through her veins, backing away from it at the same time she met Calum's questioning eyes as he moved closer to the stage from the floor.

He'd been watching her soundcheck lately. It sometimes made her wonder if he knew her songs were all about feelings she had about him. When he'd ask her to sing a song she hadn't thought about in a while, the ones that are bubbly and fun and so painfully hopeful and that she was always surprised to find out he even knew. She'd always sing them though, fumbling through notes on the ones she hadn't played in a while just because it seemed to make him happy.

It actually took a lot of effort for her not to just jump off the stage into his arms once he got close enough for her to do it. So she settled on sitting on the edge reaching a hand out for him and he had barely finished helping her down before she was throwing her arms around his neck.

"What happened?" He laughed, the hands he still had on her waist moving to wrap around her.

"I just got nominated for best new artist," she said, hiding her face in his neck and moving to step away from him but he kept his arm around her, locking her in place, smiling widely at her.

"Okay, that noise makes sense now," he teased and she pouted, "congratulations, love," he added.

"Thanks," she grinned, moving to hug him again before stepping back. This time he let her go but grabbed her hand dragging her with him around the arena before she could question what he was doing. Not that she thought really hard about questioning. She was done with soundcheck, and they needed to clear the area for the band's soundcheck with the fans anyway.

When he pushed a door open and pulled her inside a room, she was tempted to ask though. She didn't have to, he was pressing her against the door he'd just closed, lips finding hers before she even began to form a question.

Lena would like to say she was used to what it felt like to kiss Calum. She would also be lying. But now she was allowed to kiss him, most times it was more soothing than dizzying.

But then, sometimes, he'd surprise her like that and she'd forget that she needed oxygen. Hell, she'd forget her own name. His lips on hers and his hands digging into her waist and his hair under her fingers and the thundering noise her heart made were the only thing that existed.

Calum was the one that pulled away. Maybe pulled away was an exaggeration. He was still very much in her space, forehead against hers as she gasped for the air he stole from around her.

"I'll take it you're proud of me," she laughed, still feeling breathless.

"We're celebrating."

"It's just a nomination," she giggled but he shook his head.

"It's your first nomination, love, we're celebrating."

"When you say celebrating," she trailed off when he moved to kiss a path across her jaw and down her neck.

"I mean, partying,” Calum said the words to her skin, hands sneaking under her shirt, “and then taking advantage of the way there's no show tomorrow and a hotel room with my name on it."

"I like the way you think, Hood,” she said, a little breathless, as his hands moved higher, “but you need to chill out because I'm not letting you fuck me in a supply closet in a venue," she pulled back, turning them so he would be the one against the door, but stepping back from him, and he smirks at her, a knowing look that made her cheeks burn, "that was one time! And it was an office, not a closet," she complained as he pulled her back to him with a laugh.

"Does it change anything?" He asked, lips pressed to her neck and she giggled.

"For starters, clean surfaces, and you know, a door that locked."

"I'm pretty sure this door also locks," he chuckled, feeling around the door until the lock clicked.

"That's not the point." She got cut off when he kissed her again, more insistent this time and it was hard to think while his hands moved on her. "Nope, not happening, also you need to go to your soundcheck," she moved a hand to his chest, and he pouted at her as she felt around for the lock, “but I’ll make it up to you tonight,” she punctuated her words with a kiss to his cheek while she pushed the door open.

"Why did we never write together before?" Lena asks, turning to look at him. They've done a few takes and she thinks she has enough to work with, but the thought of moving away from the bench is incredibly unappealing. So she's stalling.

"We never talked about it," Calum shrugs and she pouts.

"Why?"

"I don't know, why did you never bring it up?"

"Because I was writing about you and I thought it would be awkward," she deadpans, startling a laugh out of him, "but hey, we're good together, the song is good, so like, why have we never done this before?" She asks again and he watches her for a second before answering.

"It just never seemed like a good moment to ask."

"Why?"

"We never got around to it when we were in school and the only other time it could've happened was on tour and-" he cuts himself, making her frown.

"What?"

"Honestly? I think it was gonna make us talk about what it all meant."

"And that would definitely be awkward."

"But, if you're up for it, we can do it again, I know you write with Luke so, maybe," he shrugs and she smiles at him.

"Well, my album is done and from what Luke told me so is yours, so maybe we can revisit this conversation when we start working on the next one, or if any of us has an idea that could work," she offers and he nods.

"Deal."

"Okay, I'm pretty sure I have all I need, so we should get out of here," Lena says after a beat of silence, getting up from the bench.

"Wait, I got you something," Calum says, pulling a jewelry box from his pocket and she frowns at him.

"Why?" She asks, eyeing the box as she takes it.

"You keep reaching for your neck," he shrugs as she opens it and pulls the necklace there out so she could look at it. It's a little silver sun, the shape kind of looks like the one from Tangled and she smiles at how detailed the charm is for something so small.

"Why a sun?" She asks, still studying the charm, somewhat fascinated about the way the little gems in it catch the light when she moves it.

"It made me think of you." The way he says it makes her focus shift to him, watching his face, unsure of how to feel.

"Thank you," she breathes, still looking at him as he smiles at her, "can you?" She asks, handing him the necklace and turning around, moving her hair out of the way for him to put it on for her, smiling down at it before turning back to him.

"Does this mean I need to get you a moon or something like that now?" She laughs, reaching for his necklace hanging on the front of his shirt, her bracelet dangling next to it.

"I don't think we need to match every gift we get each other," he laughs, shaking his head and she scrunches her nose looking at him.

"Well, but you got me this because you don't want me to want the bass," she says and he shrugs.

"It's not like you can play the bass."

"Yes, I can!" She protests and he frowns at her.

"Since when?"

"My second album? I'm playing the bass in like, half the tracks."

"You are?" His face softens, sounding surprised and a little bit impressed and she huffs.

"Don't sound so surprised, I'm not as good as you are but it's not like I'm playing anything particularly elaborate."

"When did you even?"

"It was during this wave of stuff I did while trying to distract myself after, the bass was adjacent enough to the guitar that I didn't absolutely suck at the first try so I stuck with it? But I tried a bunch of shit, I tried painting and playing random instruments, I went to a pottery class once, that sucked, calligraphy, crochet, knitting, sewing, it was crazy."

"When did you even sleep?"

"I had trouble sleeping while I was working on that album, so I was keeping occupied, it was better than tossing and turning, it made me feel productive," she shrugs, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Love," Calum starts, but he seems unsure of what to say and she shakes her head.

"Hey, you know how bad I am at sleeping, it's fine."

"You know, Andy told me you put yourself in the hospital back then, kinda hard to believe it was fine," he says, raising an eyebrow at her and she groans

"He makes that sound so much worse than it was."

"Did you pass out on campus?"

"Yeah."

"Did you spend the night at the hospital?"

"Yeah."

"Then I think it was bad, love," he chuckles and she rolls her eyes.

"It's not like I dropped in the middle of the street, I was in the health center."

"Not the defense you think it is.”

"Okay, it wasn't fine, but it wasn't as bad as it looked, that was just a bad week, and now I can play more instruments, I know I suck at crafting, and I'm decent at painting, it's fine," she says, motioning vaguely around her and he laughs.

"If you say so."

"I do say so, now let's go face the photographers that are definitely out there and just get out of here already."

_______

Lena had somehow seen Calum every day for the past two weeks. Mostly not on purpose, the little encounters were never planned. They were also way too short, leaving her feeling the need to see more of him. They text every day too. Nothing like they used to when they were teens, when they would spend most of the day together in school and then text the rest of it because they somehow never ran out of things to say to each other, but still enough to make her wait for the notifications to come.

If she decides to be completely honest about it, she doesn't like the feeling. And she doesn't like that she doesn't like it. She hates it, actually. She hates that she can't get out of her own head for long enough to just… relax. That her anxious brain keeps telling her overly excited heart to calm down. To back off. To stop doing this hopeful little dance every time her phone rings. But it's not like she can make it stop. Old habits die hard and all that. And apparently in all ways because she can't help her feelings any more than she can't stop fighting against them. Leaving her playing an exhausting game of tug of war with herself.

She doesn’t even know what she’s overthinking, because she doesn't know what she wants from Calum. For a long time, she didn't really know anything when it came to him. And now she doesn't know what to believe, so she doesn't know how to feel. When he's right there it's easy for her not to think about all the bad things, it’s as easy as it always was. But then she's alone. And then she’s spiraling.

"L, are you even listening?" Michael's voice came followed by a poke in her ribs, that made her squeak and drop her pen, before looking up from her homework to him, green eyes glowing with a familiar mischief that made her laugh.

"Sorry, what did Cal do? I wasn't paying attention," she asked, closing her notebook and leaning back into the chair, her elbow on Calum's desk, watching as Michael's grin got wilder as he leaned against the desk beside hers and Calum let out an exasperated groan.

"He has a date," he explained and Lena's eyes widened. She couldn't exactly say that was completely unexpected, he had talked about a girl he was interested in. Not to her all that much though, so she didn't know everything about the situation. But the information made her heart clench.

"What?" She frowned, looking between the boys, Michael's eyes narrowing at her in the few seconds it took for her to realize she didn't sound teasing, she sounded hurt, "someone agreed to go out with you?" She quickly added, teasingly, trying to match the grin on Michael's face as she turned to Calum.

"Not you too," he said, rolling his eyes and she laughed.

"It's just surprising," she said, pressing her lips together while Michael let out a "Right?" that made her laugh.

"I hate you both," he said and she rolled her eyes.

"Don't act like you don't give me hell every time I ask someone out," Michael said, giving him an unimpressed look that made Lena giggle.

"You do fall in love like every other week, dude," she said but Michael shook his head.

"This isn't about me, it's about him," he pointed at Calum who dropped his head to his desk with a groan, but before anyone could say anything else, their teacher walked in, making Michael scramble to go sit.

"You know we're just teasing, right?" She whispered, leaning her chin on her arm still on Calum's desk and he nodded at her, before leaning down to get his notebook and she turned forward, reopening hers, and staring blankly at the board, twirling a pen between her fingers.

Why did the thought of Calum on a date with someone make her upset? Both of them had spent years going on about how they were just friends. She shouldn't be upset about it. She loved Calum. She wanted him to be happy.

Wait, she loved him. She loved him? Like loved loved him? She was aware she might have a slight crush on him, how could she not, but was she in love with him? Did the thought of him dating someone else made her feel like that because she wanted him to date her?

"Oh shit," she mumbled under her breath at the same time the pen slipped from her fingers, startling her as it landed somewhere behind her. Her heart was picking up speed as she leaned to the side, looking around the floor for the lost pen and Calum leaned down too, grabbing it next to his foot, sitting up straight while she turned to him when he reached to hand it back to her.

"Thanks," she breathed, taking the pen back and feeling her heart go crazy in her chest when he grinned and winked at her as she was turning back.

So Lena doesn't know how they ended up here. She was on edge, the song was coming out, so she was stressed and this was the last time she was gonna see Calum for who even knows how long because the band was leaving for promo the next day and she was doing promo for their single alone and she's so unbelievably anxious about it, it's making her more sensitive. She knows that. But now she's moving around the building, with Calum trailing behind her, trying to get her to talk to him. It's not his fault, the comment about them being back together was innocent enough, the issue wasn't the comment, but the way Calum turned to look at her, a flash of guilt on his face, that put her right back in that dressing room.

So she doesn't want to talk to him, because she will say something stupid and she knows it's not his fault so it will just be creating an unnecessary fight.

But he's not letting her get away from him.

"I don't want to talk about it, Calum," she tells him again, this time stopping to turn to look at him.

"But you need-"

"No, I don't," she interrupts him, and he frowns.

"Lena."

"When you start talking about it I stop seeing my best friend and I start seeing the guy who walked out on me," she says, taking a step back away from him and he gives her a helpless look, "and I don't want to think about that anymore."

"Doesn't seem like you can stop," he all but rolls his eyes and she groans.

"What? You think that knowing how you felt during that is gonna change anything?"

"Come on, that tour was hell."

"I know, I was there," she does roll her eyes and the frown on his face deepens.

"I was doing what I could."

"And I was trailing behind," she motions vaguely around her, "I know what went down, and I know how you felt because I knew you, but it doesn't matter."

"No, you just think you know," he challenges, stepping closer to her and she huffs.

"Yeah, well, I don't need a detailed explanation on exactly how not enough for you I am."

Lena regrets the words before she finishes saying them. Before Calum steps back away from her like she shoved him. Before the hurt look in his eyes makes her freeze.

But it really kills her as she stays rooted in place watching him walk away from her.

________________

"Andy?" Lena knocks on the door to his room, even though it's the middle of the night, after hearing the telltale sounds of whatever game he's into now that shows her that he's still up.

"Are you finally ready to tell me why you're spiraling?" Andy calls from inside the room and she frowns as she takes that as an invitation to go in.

"Come on," she complains, sitting on the edge of his bed as he turns around in his chair and rolls himself closer to the bed.

"What? You've been like this for weeks,” he says, stopping in front of her, “and you haven't talked to me all day, just tell me maybe I can help."

"I don't know how to explain it," she runs a hand through her hair, dropping back.

"Voice your thoughts, I'm really good at translating you."

"It's…" She trails off, fidgeting with the necklace Calum gave her, fighting to get the words out.

"Le, babe, I promise you, anything that leaves you this stressed it's not stupid," he says, a comforting hand on her knee and she pushes herself up leaning on her elbows so she could look at him.

"It's just…"

"Words, Lena."

"I'm stressed about Calum," she blurts out and he huffs.

"Now tell me the part I don't know."

"I… it's just I can't stop thinking," she says, sitting up and he nods.

"About?"

"He said he's winning me back, and I was enjoying the effort."

"But?"

"When I left,” she pauses when he gives her a pointed look, “when I ran, I said I was done, but I didn't turn it all off, you know? I couldn't. But I also couldn't keep feeling like it was always gonna be like that, all the pining. No, not pining, pining it's too calm, too calm for whatever we had going. I was burning and I was drowning and I was tired, but I still loved him, I still wanted it."

"Okay."

“And I can’t stop thinking about everything that happened between us because I still do, you know? I still love him, and I want it so badly. I want things to work out, I want the stupid story of us finding a way back, I'd be lying if I say I don't, but I’m also scared."

"Of?" Andy asks after she doesn't continue and she sighs.

"That he doesn't really want me. That he’s just enjoying the chase, and there's too much fucked up shit in the middle for us to ever be okay again and when we agreed on the whole thing, I said he can't kiss me."

"Yeah."

"Because he has this effect that gives me tunnel vision and makes me only see what he wants," she trails off, fidgeting with the edge of her shirt and he chuckles.

"Oh, I know, but you're spiraling, why exactly?" He asks and she looks at him, chewing on her bottom lip while she contemplates how to say it.

"I'm scared I'm the one who's just enjoying the chase," she admits and he frowns, tilting his head to the side.

"What do you mean?"

"All I ever wanted was for him to try, and he's trying, I basically forced the man to take me out so I could see what it would be like."

"Didn't he say he wanted to fix things?"

"Yeah, but what if we're beyond fixing?"

"L, wait," Michael said, turning the car off when she reached for her shoes, and she sighed, unbuckling the seatbelt. Lena was feeling hazy, definitely still drunk, but the cool night air had cleared her head enough to know what Michael was going to say.

"Mike, please don't," she pleaded, mechanically putting her shoes on as she avoided the way she could feel his eyes on her.

"What?

"Defend him," she sighed, finally turning to look at him. He had a very familiar look on his face. The ride-or-die type look that let everyone know that he'd take Calum's side no matter what. Michael had perfected it over the years but it always had the I-need-to-stand-by-him glint that she found staring back at her.

"But you gotta know," he started, but she shook her head.

"I respect that you wanna do something, I do, but don't do it."

"But he's," he tried again but she interrupted him again.

"Look, I don't wanna know that you think he looks miserable without me, or however the hell you were about to put it. Did he tell you that? Did he even tell you what happened between us? Or did he just say we had a fight and told you to drop it?"

"He didn't, but I know he is, he really fucking misses you, L," he tried to argue and Lena wanted to believe him. Desperately. But she couldn't.

"Look, dude, I gotta work with what I know. The facts here are he walked out on me and that he hasn't tried to talk to me since then, so anything else is not enough," she shrugged and he gave her a disbelief look.

"So you just got in a screaming match at a party over not enough?"

"Yeah, and he still had nothing to say."

"You know how he can get."

"Oh, I do," she said, rolling her eyes but Michael kept talking.

"And you always forgive him."

"It fucking sucks that I have to," she complained, running a hand through her hair.

"You're not exactly perfect either, L," he said, raising an eyebrow at her and she frowned at him.

"Never said I was, but this one is on him, it's only on him, it's why he doesn't have the guts to try to fix it."

"What the fuck did he do?" He asked and she groaned.

"I don't wanna talk to you about it, Michael."

"I'm your friend too, Lena," he matched her tone, rolling his eyes at her and she sighed.

"But you would let him get away with anything."

"So would you."

"I can't do it this time, he really hurt me, okay? It wasn't some stupid argument that we both knew wasn't gonna last, he knew the choice he was making and he did it anyway and I'm allowed to be mad at him," she said, looking down, twisting her hands in her lap.

"I'm not saying you're not allowed to be mad, I'm saying you're both miserable without each other, so why are you dragging this out?" He asked and it made her pout.

"Who said I'm miserable?" Lena complained, glancing at him and she probably wasn't helping her point if the way Michael raised an eyebrow at her was any indication.

"Your face."

"That's-"

"We both know you're still in love with him," he said and her eyes widened as her head snapped up and she turned to look at him.

"Who said I'm in love with him?" She tried but Michael scoffed.

"Don't act like I don't know you, you've been in love with him since we were in school, it's painfully obvious."

"I… You knew? Since when?"

"Since he left for that football camp, you were a basketcase while he was gone."

"It wasn't that bad."

"Oh, it was worse, I thought you would tell him back then."

"I did," she said, holding Michael's gaze as his face turned into shock. She could see it in the way his eyes went from wide to narrowing on her face that he was combing through his memories trying to figure out when it could've happened. And she didn't want him to ask, "well, it doesn't matter anymore."

"Now you're just being stubborn."

"So?"

"Talk to him, do something other than sitting around since you’re both miserable and this can’t keep going-"

"Mike!” she screeched, interrupting him, "He dumped me, he doesn't love me and I can't make him love me so I can't fix it."

"What do you mean he doesn't love you? Of course he loves you," he was looking at her like she was crazy for even suggesting that and it made her want to disappear into the leather seats.

"His words okay?" Her voice was small and Michael looked so confused by it that she felt on the verge of tears, "so now I'm just the idiot that’s been in love with him since middle school."

"L," Michael's voice was soft now, and he was watching her carefully, eyes scanning her face as she continued to talk.

"Being away from him is killing me, but I can't. I can’t move on from him if he's still around, and I can't fix us so I can't talk to him."

"Why?"

"Because if I'm not mad at him, then I'm breaking and I can't take it anymore." She paused, blinking back tears, "thank you for the ride, Mike, I know I'm not much company right now but I did miss you and I appreciate it."

"Lena."

"I'll see you around," She said, patting his knee before slipping out of the car. She was surprised to hear his door slamming after hers.

"Lena," Michael's voice was insistent and it made her stop on the sidewalk watching as he walked around the car.

"Yeah?" She asked, frowning at him as he scanned her face.

"Just come here," he said, pulling her to his chest, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and she wrapped her arms around his waist on instinct. She missed Michael, that wasn't a lie, they may not be as close to each other as they were to Calum, but he was a constant enough presence in her life to add to the emptiness Calum had left behind. But the way she just relaxed against him was disarming, "sorry I haven't checked in," he said to her hair and she huffed out a chuckle, stepping back from him.

"It's fine, I knew he would get you in the divorce."

"You don't have to tell me what he did, but how bad was it?"

"How many times have you seen me trying to get away from him?" She asked because she didn't think she could talk about it without crying. She wasn't sure she wouldn't start crying anyway.

"Point taken."

"Look, I can't talk about it because I can't think about it because I don't want to believe it happened, I thought we were more than we actually were and that's on me but he was just," she stopped, sniffing through the tears that were falling without her permission, "there were kinder ways to do what he did and I can't move past it."

"Sorry I pushed it."

"It's fine, you know how stubborn we both can get, you had no way of knowing this wasn't just us being stubborn."

"For whatever is worth, I do think he regrets it."

"Well, he's the one that needs to do something about it,’ she shrugged and Michael gave her a sad smile, "sorry you got caught in the middle."

"I'm your friend too, you know?"

"Do you feel that way?"

"I don’t know, I'm not known for making good decisions when he's involved. So I freaked out and I picked a fight with him because he was about to leave. And I know it’s just a few days but at the same time I couldn’t deal with the way I need him around and he’s all the way across the world now and I don’t know what to do, because,” she sniffs, looking up to try and stop the tears she can feel forming in her eyes, “what if this is just going to explode in our faces again and I'm dragging it out because of a memory of a feeling?"

"Is it just a memory?"

"What?"

"When you think about it, are you just trying to find the way he made you feel again, or are you just trying to find a way to feel what you feel for him without letting it destroy you?" Andy asks and she blinks at him, taken aback for a second.

"That was deep, we should write that down," she jokes because she doesn't know how to answer.

"I'm serious, I've picked you up from the floor over him for years now and it's alright if you don't want him anymore, but it's also okay for you to want him but only after you're sure you're not setting yourself up for failure."

"What are you saying?"

"That it's okay if you need safety before giving in and that doesn't mean you're using him, it just means you're hurt and want to know what you're falling into."

“But I feel like-”

"Look, I've watched you try to contain the way you feel about him for as long as I've known you, you keep fighting against it or trying to make it something that won't scare him away, and that never worked," he says, tilting his head, and she sighs.

"It's just that, I don't know how to stop and I keep thinking about-"

“Le, the more you overthink this the more you’ll have to overthink and you’re gonna go nowhere.”

“But-”

“You’re not gonna find the answer trapping yourself in your head, you can’t change what happened and you can’t predict what’s going to, you just need to find out if you’re willing to trust he won't hurt you again,” he says and she drops back, throwing her arms across her face.

“But what if I can’t trust myself? I don’t want to hurt him either and right now I don’t think I can help it and his face when he walked away from me, I-”

“Lena," he says, and she feels the mattress dip when he sits beside her, moving her arms from her face so she would have to look at him, "if whatever you said makes him stop trying then you guys are going nowhere anyway.”

"What do I do then?" She asks, throwing her arms over her head and he huffs, poking her side.

“You stop hiding and you call him."

“Call him? I can’t call him,” she squirms away from his hand, looking at him like he's crazy for suggesting that, and he gives her an unimpressed look.

“Knowing you, you won’t be able to do anything until you find out if you pushed him too far. Did you even sleep last night?"

“But I have to, I can’t need him, And.”

“You also can’t change the fact that you already do. You've been fighting it for years, Le." His voice is sympathetic and she feels herself start to tear up as she meets his eyes. “Just call him."

_________

The periodic buzzing is not what makes Calum raise his head. What makes him raise his head is how he can feel Luke's eyes on him every time the damn phone does buzz. So when it happens again he meets Luke's careful gaze with a questioning look.

"That's Lena." It's not a question. But Luke nods anyway. Lena hadn't talked to him since the fight and he was following her lead with it. If she wants space he'll give it to her. It's actually easier than he expected with half a world between them and unaligned timezones. At least that's what he keeps telling himself.

"She wants me to let her know when we're back at the hotel." They only have another interview in their schedule, the one they are currently waiting for, so it shouldn't be long, but why would Lena ask? And what else did she say that got Luke watching him like that?

"Okay, what does this have to do with me?" He asks, raising an eyebrow and Luke frowns at him.

"Did you get into a fight or something?"

"Or something."

"Do you want me not to tell her?" Luke puts his phone down, a silent we can talk about it if you want, but he shakes his head.

"No, it's okay."

"You sure?" He checks, but Calum doesn't get a chance to answer, because they are being called to the studio and he can't keep thinking about it.

Maybe she's ready to try to talk to him. If she's even asking because she wants to know when he can answer. He tries to ignore that line of thought until they’ve been back at the hotel for at least half an hour and there’s no call.

But then his phone lights up with a very familiar picture of Lena and him.

"Hello?"

"Hi," Lena sounds anxious, he can hear it in her breathing and something about it makes him do the math in his head about what time it's for her.

"Lena, where are you?" He can imagine the way she's frowning just by the confused little gasp she lets out.

"Home, where else would I be?"

"Isn't it, like, 3 am for you?"

"Time is fake," she mumbles, and he hears fabric ruffling in the background, so maybe she is in bed. Not that the thought makes him worry less.

"Sure," he frowns and she sighs.

"I couldn't sleep, I needed to apologize."

"Okay."

"Because I am sorry, I… I don't have an excuse, I'm just sorry."

"Lena," he says, more to buy himself time to think of the right thing to say than anything else but the sharp intake of breath he hears makes him regret it.

"You don't have to say anything, it's fine, I just wanted to say it, we can talk when you get back. Or whenever you want. Shit, you know, I shouldn't have called, I'm sorry." Her voice is wobbly and it sounds like she’s about to hang up.

"Lena, wait."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm about to start crying and then you'll feel the need to make me feel better and this becomes about me and that's not why I called."

"Then why did you call?" He asks, and she sniffs, before taking a deep breath as if she’s trying to calm herself down.

"Can I claim temporary insanity? Sleep deprivation? I don't know, okay? I thought talking to you would make me feel better but that's not on your job so I shouldn't-"

"Lena, can you just listen to me for once in your life?"

"Yeah?"

"You seriously think I'm about to let you cry yourself to sleep?"

"I'm not crying," she tells him and he huffs.

"I can hear you crying."

"I'm just tired and It doesn't-"

"Of course it matters."

"Why?"

"Because I fucking care about you. That doesn't stop being true just because we got into a fight."

"I know that, it's just-"

"Do you? Know it? It doesn't seem like you do,"

"Can I be honest?"

"Please," Calum breathes, waiting for a tense second as she doesn't say anything.

"I talk myself out of it."

"Of trusting me?" He asks, frowning and he can hear the fabric ruffling as she probably shakes her head.

"No, of expecting you to be there." That one stings. He knows he can't blame her for it, it's his own fault, but hearing her saying it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Why?"

"Because I can't need you to be there! For fucks sake we get into one fight and I'm losing my mind? I've been feeling like I can't breathe and I can't do this again."

"Do what?"

"Lose you, Calum, I can't lose you again, but I can't keep feeling this way either I can't focus I can't sleep I feel like a bitch then I just lose my fucking mind and can’t feel this way I can’t need you-" Not for the first time since he last saw her, he catches himself wishing he wasn't halfway across the world, but this time is because the way she's talking, fast and without pauses, makes him think she's about to talk herself into a panic he can't talk her out of over the phone.

"Love, love, breathe," he interrupts, and she takes a few sharp breaths before talking again.

"See, I shouldn't have called, you're allowed to be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you."

"Why not? You should."

"Why?"

"Because I was a bitch to you."

"It was a fight, and it wasn't even that bad."

"You sounded mad at me when you answered the phone."

"You apologized, we can talk about it when I get back, but I'm not mad, so you should go to sleep and I'll see you in a few days."

"Unfortunately I wasn't exaggerating when I said I can't sleep, I've been tossing and turning for hours."

"You want me to talk to you until you fall asleep?"

The way Lena was slowly blinking and how her reactions were delayed was just as funny as it was adorable even in the dimly lit room. It made the story Calum was telling seem way more entertaining than it actually was, with the way she was trying to keep up while stifling yawns and rubbing her eyes to get him to keep talking.

"Love?" Calum asked when she dropped her head back against the headboard of his bed and it took a few seconds for her to look at him, "do you want me to drive you back to your dorm?" She should've left already since she had classes the next day, so maybe he should just let her leave this time. She looked like she would fall asleep in the car though. And her car was at his place. The logistics of it all weren't good.

"Not yet, we're talking," she mumbled, shifting her whole body while sitting up.

"No, I'm talking, you're legally drunk," he joked, making her pout.

"'m not," she complained, stretching out like a cat and sighing, "how are you not tired?"

"Jetlag," he shrugged and she blinked at him before nodding, staring at him with one eye closed.

"Well, then we keep talking."

"I keep talking, you keep looking at me like you're seeing a giant pillow.”

"You do make a great pillow," she said, looking at him like she was contemplating the possibility, or maybe just thinking about the times she fell asleep on him, making him laugh. "Have you ever been so tired you just don't know how to sleep?" She asked, running a hand through her hair and dropping her head back.

"No,” he chuckled, shaking his head, “and you're trying to stay awake," he pointed out, bopping her nose and she smiled sheepishly at him.

"Yes, but I don't think I would fall asleep that easily right now." He seriously doubted that. He was actually sure she would be out in seconds if she just stopped moving.

"What time do your classes start tomorrow?" He asked, checking the old alarm clock on the table. Technically he should've said today. It was past 1 am. Maybe he shouldn't keep her awake that long on a weekday.

"Not until the afternoon," she said, sliding down and hugging the pillow under her head.

"You wanna stay over? We can continue this conversation in the morning when I know you'll remember what I'm telling you.”

"Does that mean you won't be mad if I fall asleep?"

"Do you want to sleep?"

"I just told you don't know how," she laughed, settling more heavily against the pillow and rubbing her eye.

"Alright, come here," he said, scooting down and opening his arms and she shuffled around before settling with her head on his shoulder and an arm across his chest.

"I missed you," she mumbled, closing her eyes and he started to absentmindedly run his fingers through her hair.

"Yeah, me too,” he said, leaning his cheek against her head, “now go to sleep."

"I can't fall asleep on command like you do, just keep telling me the story, what happened after Mike said that?"

"So you were listening?"

"Always, now talk," she said, shifting around a bit and he continued to tell the story, running his hand through her hair. It only took a few minutes for her to stop reacting to it and for her breathing to even out. That wasn’t the surprising part. The surprising part was how he fell asleep a few minutes later too.

"You don't have to," Lena says, voice small and he chuckles.

"I'm not asking if I have to, I'm asking if you want me to." There's a pause that's long enough for him to question if it was the right thing to say, before she sighs.

"Yeah."

"Are you comfortable?"

"As comfortable as I can get," she says after some shuffling and he settles in bed too.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know, just tell me about the trip." So he does. With as many details as he can. About the place. The people. The joke Luke told in the van that morning. The restaurant they had lunch in. It makes him think about when he first moved and the rare occasions when their schedule managed to align enough for him to call and Lena would make him tell her everything about everywhere he had been. He talks while listening as Lena shifts around in her bed or lets out little reactions to what he's saying like huffed-out laughs or curious mumbling about what happened next until the shuffling stops and her breathing evens out. He stays on the line for a few more minutes, making sure she's really asleep then a few more because now he doesn't want to hang up. He considers how he could say anything to her right now. He could tell her he misses her. Make some promise about not hurting her again that she wouldn't believe in and he's not sure he can keep. Or a promise about always trying anyway that he really hopes he can. He doesn't say anything though. He just listens to her steady breathing until he can't justify staying on the line anymore.

_______

I don’t have a taglist but hit me up if you want to be tagged.

#wjdbieo #calum hood fanfic #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #calum hood fic #i still dont know how to tags fics yay lslskslsmslslsoks

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georgieluz · 1 year ago

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orchid, sage, aloe vera, palm tree for the ask game!

hello!! you picked such good ones omg!!

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?

just like heaven by the cure!!! every time i listen to that song it feels like the first time sfkjdh the absolute warm fuzzy brain rot i get from this song. just the perfect song for me honestly. also: common people by pulp, it's not my favourite pulp song but i do consider it to be the perfect pop song, california daze by peace, wings by hurts, wild flower by park hyoshin, yellow ledbetter by pearl jam, ode to the mets by the strokes, märchen and wander by hoppipolla, under pressure by queen and bowie, the whole oo-li and set albums by woodz, and finally, traffic by the stereophonics. also other people wouldn't call this perfect music, but death on the stairs (single ver) by the libertines hits perfectly for me every single time. just pure joy. and i can't not mention you're my waterloo by them too. okay i'm done! sorry for going way too overboard with this question!

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

okay this changes constantly for me. i'm all over the place with my desperate need to consume such things. i want it all and all at once. i will say i've grown a massive appreciation for sculpture over the last few years, especially working in a museum and watching people feel this uncontrollable urge to reach out and feel and touch and be in awe of them (yes i complain constantly about people touching bc pls do NOT touch the sculptures in museums!!! i'm begging you) but there's just something magical about a fully grown adult who knows not to touch things in a gallery and who keeps a safe distance away from the monets and the van goghs but just can't help themselves but reach out unconsciously in front of a rodin, usually they pull back before they even touch anything and realise but yeah, idk. it's just something i've been thinking about a lot. but i think more personally for me it's probably poetry. i always loved fiction as a kid and all the way through my life, i still do. i fell asleep listening to my dad reading tolkien to me as a kid and those works still run through my veins as much now as they did then. but it took me a long time to grow to love poetry. the stuff we learned in school didn't do anything for me. it took meeting someone with so much love and life and affection for the world reading poetry to me out loud at university for me to fully Get It. y'know for it to actually make me sit up and be like "holy fuck yeah i'm with you now". it took that same person handing me a book of rumi poems to fully crack open my chest for everyone to see. ever since then i've had a book of some kind of poetry next to my bed and another in my bag

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

i wanna sit under a tree with my closest friends and sketch them quietly in the sunlight

palm tree ⇢ do you have a fictional villain you shouldn’t like but love regardless?

probably ben linus from lost. the writers wrote him so well, he was one of the most in-depth and complex villains in any show for me. did some absolutely terrible things but holy shit they made you empathise and sympathise and understand him. that show had me sobbing for him in the final episode. t'was wild, man.

#i'm so fucking sorry for rambling in every question #i'm in a very rambly mood today it appears #julian's ask games #julian's inbox

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slytherinshua · 4 months ago

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ZANNA OMG. I MISSED YOU SM 😔

I am back from the dead.

IM SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING FOR 8 DAYS 😖😖😖

long story short I was just super busy with miscellaneous tasks that I had been procrastinating on since the start of summer break, and I was also kind of in a slump 💔 idk I just wasn't feeling the vibe communication became overwhelming 😔 BUT IM OKAY!! I honestly opened tumblr to write you an ask every.single.day. but I never ended up doing so because. idk 😖 I was still lurking around though and have been reading the new fics they're all so good 👀 the dohoon one 👀 that disco anon requested 👀👀👀 I love you disco anon.

ALSO. I listened to Walk and ATE and ☝️‼️ such bangers. 127's album was so good I liked all the tracks honestly there was no miss. And the title was SO 🗣️🗣️ IT'S SUCH A BANGER. It took me a few minutes to get it, but then it settled with me and ITS SO GOOODDD MARK'S RAP JHONNY'S CHORUS (HE FINALLY HAS LINES), HAECHAN'S CHORUS AND JAEHYUN'S LINES ugh 127 they could never be you

And ate was so good chk chk boom is so cool I love stray kids ☝️ I love them HYUNJIN'S CHORUS PART SOUNDS SO INCREDIBLE

anywhooo I missed being here I'm sorry for leaving what can I do for you to forgive me

I hope you've been doing well!!! how have you been please tell me have you done anything interesting I haven't

-🪿

I MISSED U TOO OMG UR BACK!!!! ITS OKAYY <//3 im glad ur back now 👹 i totally get feeling like communicating is overwhelming esp when you've been procrastinating and catching up on tasks cause that's low-key me rn with my summer courses 😞 aww :(( AND YES I AGREE DISCO IS THE BEST FOR REQUESTING THAT W DOHOON 🥹🥹🥹

YESSS LITERALLY NO SKIPS NCT ALWAYS SLAY SO HARD 🗣️🗣️ i feel like w nct tracks it always takes like 3 listens and then ur like wait no.... song of the year KSJDK LMAO cause im always skeptical of them at first BUT THEN IT HITS ME.

YES CHK CHK BOOM WAS SO SO GOODD ACTUALLY. for skz tracks that have been low-key missing lately i loved chk chk boom like lalalala was good and i listened to it but then i got tired of it rly quick but the chorus on chk chk boom is just the best ‼️

YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING IM JUST HAPPY TO TALK TO U AGAIN 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅 u could leave for like 2 yrs and then come back and i would still remember you so don't even worry abt 8 days 🥹🥹🥹

i also haven't rly done anything interesting sigh... other than writing and going to the beach AGAIN (different beach from last time ksjdks) w my husband (yes i def took these pics the sky is def the same its the same beach def)

and some bonus pics cause my cat is cute and pretty and silly and i love her so i am her personal photographer every day <3

#﹒inbox　𓈃　ⵌ #﹒🪿 anon　𓈃　ⵌ

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realwaldojeffers · 2 years ago

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thank you! not too much work left for me i hope haha

my first language is russian and i also speak a tiny bit of german! been too long since i practiced it though

thank you for recs on bowie and VU!! i'm far from an expert on them lmao so i'll listen to these albums! i've only listened to earlier bowie albums from the man who sold the world to diamond dogs i think. life on mars must be one of my faves, i remember having it on repeat for WEEKS last year lmao. i dreamed of getting hunky dory on vinyl but couldn't find it in my local record stores :( the same with many other bowie, UV and lou albums too, no idea why they're such rare animals here. a ziggy copy i have must be one of the best sounding records in my whole collection tho! do you collect physical media?

i love velvet goldmine too!! i love todd haynes' style and it really does kinda feel like an ao3 fanfic lmao. this kind of biopics must be my favorite, when they're unauthorized or loosely based on actual stories. do you have any favorite music biopics?

my favorite artists are the beatles and john lennon! and as for the third one ehh.. even though it's not classic rock i'll say lana del rey, ever since her new single came out i've been listening to it obsessively

i see you love beatles too, so i'm just gonna say my favorite albums by them are the white album and magical mystery tour! as for john, my absolute fav of his is walls & bridges, but i guess imagine would be a good place to start as it's his dreamiest and maybe... softest? while still showing some of his edgier sides of the early 70s. plastic ono band is close to my favs after W&B but it definitely can feel too unsettling, not without lighter parts though. his part of double fantasy is full of highlights too (i like yoko's songs too though!) ugh sorry i could talk about john for hours really lmao

and as for lana- since we're into classic rock i think ultraviolence is right up that alley. it sounds so timeless it could well fit into the 70s. my other favs of hers are honeymoon and blue banisters!

i wish i watched more music documentaries and concerts but it's often too hard bc i know i'll never get to experience it live 😭 i've seen the beatles' shea concert tho and it was good! do you have favorite live shows and docs?

Once again, srry that it took me forever to reply and omg it’s almost Christmas lol But I’m excited to finally know you btw

By this time, you probably are done with your work, right? I hope that is the case so you can finally have a nice winter rest

I also try to learn German too cause like I have been obsessed with so many German artists for so long, the obvious one is Nico 😂 and also I love Kraftwerk and Rammstein, but my knowledge in German is limited to the random odd of the language

I’m also a big fan of Bowie early work too, just not so much on his folkish day lol. Still, The man who sold the world gotta be one of the my most fav albums of all time. Hunky is amazing too! Life On Mars is literally one of the song that hooked me on to David. I’m not sure if you knew this but the song Queen Bitch from this album is literally David trying to do a VU-style songwriting. So basically the narrator of that song supposed to be Lou or smth lol So yeah another weird Bowie-Lou Reed fanfic vibe 😂

About Vinyl, all of my fav artists’ records are hard to find here too, except for Bowie lol he is everywhere for some reason so prob a good thing. But no one in Thailand seems to know Velvet Underground or Lou hahaha.

I don’t own much records cause they are tbh quite expensive for me. But I have Diamond Dogs, VU’s debut album, and Lou’s Coney Island Baby on vinyl. All of them are the best things ever! But I do collect a lot of CDs

I truly not very big on biopic but Nowhere Boys is very amazing in my opinion. I love that films very much. I see that you are a big Beatles fans, what do you think about the film? I’m not sure about the accuracy but I think it’s beautiful how they depict Lennon-McCartney friendship.

Omg! I love Lana too! She is one of my all time fav artists and songwriters! Her new songs are so amazing. I’m alway intrigued by her lyrics and the way she expresses them

I haven’t listened to all of the White Albums and Magic Mysteries but so far I love George’s guitar style in the White Album so much that it’s prob gonna be my new favorite Beatles album. Personally, Let It Be is my favorite album by them but I haven’t watch the Get Back doc yet so I might need to do that!

Thank you for your recommendation on John’s music! I have been interested in John and Yoko’s works for sometime now but didn’t know where to start. They are such an iconic artistic present of the past century!

You probably have psychic ability for sure cause recently I just put Ultraviolence on repeat lol. Also it’s just delighted me how she put Lou’s name in Brooklyn Baby >< For Kana, I also love Honeymoon and Norman Fucking Rockwell

For live concert, I think I watched a bit too much Bowie’s live tbh. But I just cannot resist cause his stage crafts are just one of the best and his shows are my comfort place. I think Ziggy’s live and Diamond’s Dog’s live (you can see those in Cracked Actors’s doc) are probably his best. My fav act is the one he did Hamlet with Cracked Actors. But the one that comfort me the most is the Glass Spider tour live tbh. It’s a pretty meh album overall but the live show are so great and late 80s Bowie is like a father figure to me so I come back to that all the time

Not sure if you’ve watched Hayes’ Velvet Underground documentary yet but it’s very good! It could be focus too much on the early years of the band at time and doesn’t go beyond the post-John era so much but still there are a lot of direct history to learn from the doc as it has John and Moe, as well as, everyone who involved with the band and New York avant-garde scene of the 60s. Still, I personally think it doesn’t talk enough about Sterling Morrison and completely dismiss Doug Yule which is a bit sad. But I understand where Hayes is coming from tho, having John as the strongest present of the band as the leading narrative lol. Also the film is a bit pro-John Cale cause well… Lou is dead 😐 so that is a head-up

Anyways, I hope you have a great holiday and cannot wait to know who you are!

Tons of love,

Tawan!

#secret rocker santa 2022 #srs22

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slightlyconceited · 1 year ago

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pandaameii:

“Awesome! Thanks!” Was the very last thing the redhead said to him before she sped her way towards the restroom. As the door locked behind her, Mei finally let the reality of what just happened to her set in, causing a pair of fluffy and bright red hears to pop out on top of her head with a red tail to match. “Stupid, stupid, stupid! Ugh! You’re embarrassing, Mei!” Mei mumbled to herself, hands balled up into a fist as she couldn’t believe how she acted in front of Slightly. Everything from having him listening to her sing one of his songs (completely out of tune) to the stuttering and barely knowing how to respond back when he tried to converse with her, and gosh she didn’t even want to look at herself in the mirror to see how bright her face must have looked! She had to have been a complete embarrassment and it took everything for her to not transform then and there because of the way she felt throughout it all. Mei couldn’t believe Prilla had done this to her! “She better have a good explanation to all this or I’m gonna—” Pulling out her phone, the redhead began messaging Prilla. For a good couple of minutes, she texted back and forth with her friend, expressing how embarrassing she had been before worriedly wondering if she had made so much of a bad first impression on Slightly that he had to have left her by now. But after being reassured and pushed to go back outside to face him again, Mei put her phone away and took a few deep breaths.

Another few minutes later and a lack of panda ears or tail, the redhead exited the restroom and made her way back towards the table. When she saw the way he perked up at the sight of her returning, her cheeks once again burned yet this time around, Mei reminded herself to act cool. Be herself. “Hey, sorry for taking too long, didn’t mean to make you wait but thanks for waiting for me.” She apologized, thinking to herself how he didn’t have to do that even after Prilla distracted him. Finally taking a seat across from him, Mei reached for one of the two white teas on the table, a little surprised that Slightly went with the same choice as her’s, before pulling the cup close to her. And just as Mei took a sip from it, she choked at the sudden question about the border. She instantly began to cough right after.

“No worries,” he assured her with a smile when she thanked him for waiting. Now that he was sure she hadn’t just run out the back and ditched him, the wait was all but forgotten—no harm, no foul. Slightly only wanted to make sure she was having a good time, that he wasn’t proving to be totally boring and failing to live up to her expectations, or even worse: potentially ruining her ability to enjoy his music from now on because she thought he was totally uncool in person. He didn’t know how to do this. He’d never really met any fans before, not beyond people coming up for selfies or autographs after one of his performances because they recognized his music and figured they might be worth something if he ever actually made it bigger than this island. That was always on his mind, the thought that he wouldn’t be able to travel even when his first full album released—if his record label wanted to send him on tour to promote, the farthest he’d be going was from one end of Echo Isle to the other. Which was why he had figured it would make a good topic of conversation with someone who enjoyed his music, but the second he mentioned the border as a segue into the subject she choked on her tea.

Jesus Christ, he was going to end up killing her! Prilla had entrusted him with one simple meeting with one of her close friends and within minutes he was going to be the death of her, by way of sheer bad conversation. Slightly leaped out of his chair and put his hand on Mei’s back, but stopped short of slapping her on the back (there was nothing lodged in her throat, she was choking on a drink) so it came across more like moral support for the coughing fit she was going through. When she had it under control, he slowly dropped his hand and slid back into his seat, staying on the edge like he was still suspicious that she might keel over if he looked away. “Are you okay?” he asked as soon as he was sure she had recovered. He didn’t want to laugh now, because that would definitely give the wrong impression, so he did his best to hold it in although the event was a lot more amusing in retrospect. “So, about that weather…” he tried in an ironic tone, offering the most generically safe conversation starter in existence in contrast to the previous one.

#ic #mei #mei1

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bulletproof-korean · 6 years ago

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Make It Right

내가 날 눈치챘던 순간 떠나야만 했어 난 찾아내야 했어 All day all night 사막과 바다들을 건너 넓고 넓은 세계를 헤매어 다녔어 Baby I

➼ 눈치채다 - to notice ➼ ��간 - a moment ➼ 떠나다 - to leave ➼ 찾아내다 - to find ➼ 사막 - desert ➼ 바다 - sea ➼ 건너다 - to cross ➼ 넓다 - to be wide ➼ 헤매다 - to wander

I could make it better I could hold you tighter 그 먼 길 위에서 Oh you’re the light 초대받지 못한 환영받지 못한 나를 알아줬던 단 한 사람

➼ 멀다 - to be far ➼ 길 - road ➼ 초대받다 - to be invited ➼ 환영받다 - to be welcomed ➼ 알아주다 - to acknowledge/recognize sbd ➼ 사람 - a person

끝도 보이지 않던 영원의 밤 내게 아침을 선물한 건 너야 이제 그 손 내가 잡아도 될까 Oh oh I can make it right

➼ 끝 - end ➼ 영원 - forever, eternity ➼ 아침 - morning ➼ 선물하다 - to gift ➼ 손 - hand ➼ 잡다 - to hold

All right All right Oh I can make it right 이 세상 속에 영웅이 된 나 나를 찾는 큰 환호와 내 손, 트로피와 금빛 마이크 All day, everywhere But 모든 게 너에게 닿기 위함인 걸 내 여정의 답인 걸 널 찾기 위해 노래해 Baby to you

➼ 세상 - world ➼ 속 - inside ➼ 영웅 - hero ➼ 환호 - cheer ➼ 트로피 - trophy ➼ 금빛 - golden ➼ 마이크 - a mic ➼ 닿다 - to reach ➼ 여정 - a plan of a journey ➼ 답 - answer ➼ 노래하다 - to sing

➽ ~을/를 위하다

전보다 조금 더 커진 키에 좀 더 단단해진 목소리에 모든 건 네게 돌아가기 위해 이제 너라는 지도를 활짝 펼칠게 My rehab 날 봐 왜 못 알아봐 남들의 아우성 따위 나 듣고 싶지 않아 너의 향기는 여전히 나를 꿰뚫어 무너뜨려 되돌아가자 그때로

➼ 키 - height ➼ 단단하다 - to be firm, strong ➼ 목소리 - voice ➼ 돌아가다 - to return ➼ 지도 - a map ➼ 펼치다 - to spread ➼ 알아보다 - to recognize ➼ 남들 - others ➼ 아우성 - shout, roar ➼ 향기 - a scent ➼ 꿰뚫다 - to pierce ➼ 무너뜨리다 - to knock down, pull down ➼ 되돌아가다 - to return, go back

➽ 보다 ➽ ~아/어지다 +

Baby I know I can make it better I can hold you tighter 그 모든 길은 널 향한 거야 다 소용없었어 너 아닌 다른 건 그때처럼 날 어루만져줘

➼ 모든 - every, all ➼ 소용없다 - to be no use ➼ 다르다 - to be different ➼ 그때 - back then ➼ 어루만지다 - to pat, soothe

➽ ~을/를 향하다

여전히 아름다운 너 그날의 그때처럼 말없이 그냥 날 안아줘 지옥에서 내가 살아남은 건 날 위했던 게 아닌 되려 너를 위한 거란 걸 안다면 주저 말고 please save my life 너 없이 헤쳐왔던 사막 위는 목말라 그러니 어서 빨리 날 잡아줘 너 없는 바다는 결국 사막과 같을 거란 걸 알아

➼ 여전히 - still ➼ 아름답다 - to be beautiful ➼ 말없이 - without words ➼ 안아주다 - to hug, embrace ➼ 지옥 - hell ➼ 살아남다 - to survive ➼ 주저 - hesitation ➼ 헤치다 - to push/pull through ➼ 목마르다 - to be thirsty ➼ 그러니(까) - therefore ➼ 어서 - fast ➼ 결국 - in the end ➼ 같다 - to be the same ➼ 알다 - to know

#bulletproofkorean #korean langblr #bts lyrics #bts langblr #make it right #map of the soul persona #bts #korean vocabulary #finally the last song from this album is done! sorry it took me so long

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finelinevogue · 3 years ago

Note

could you do some angsty smut please??

oh hell yeah we can. this is going to be 70srockstar!harry with roadie!y/n eekkkk! okay have fun;

Being the girlfriend of the most famous, golden boy rockstar was the craziest rollercoaster you’d ever ride.

For the past 6 months you’ve been touring with the one and only Harry Styles, living your life between helping on tour, drinking endless amounts of wine and smoking a hell of a lot of weed. The job had come past you at the perfect moment. Your dad happened to be best friends with the tour manager, Jeff Azoff, who’d spoken of their being a job opening for a roadie. You were employed to help set up the musical equipment and test out the instruments before the act went on at night, falling in love for the man you roadied for was just an add on. A beautiful bonus.

It was a lot more pressure being Harry’s girlfriend than people thought though. There was so much pressure to act a certain way and present yourself another way. Harry was so idolised and craved by millions and it put pressure on you to be a certain person for him. You loved him so much and you were so scared that he might one day realise that there was so much better than you - at least in your eyes. Someone extroverted. Someone musically talented. Someone who wasn’t a virgin.

Harry had never pressured you into anything sexual unless you were ready. Of course he was notorious for being an above star rating, when it came fo sex - thanks to all the articles published by the many men and women, sometimes both together, he had slept with. The sex reputation went hand-in-hand with his rock-n-roll aesthetic, so that part of him would never change. You’d only been with Harry for 4 of those 6 months, managing to fall for him very quickly, so you wondered just how he was coping without having had sex for that long. He usually had a different person each night to take backstage after his concert to play with how he wanted, hence how he built his reputation, but since you there had been no one.

Sex was such a big thing for Harry though, so you couldn’t help but feel like you were letting him down.

Currently, you were sat on his bed on the tour bus reading an article that had been published about your boyfriend last week. Your heart strings tugged as you read one section of the interview.

Interviewer: The new album, tell me about it.

Harry: It’s coming on slowly yeah. Just want this one to be perfect so, taking my time.

Interviewer: What would you say your biggest inspiration is for writing?

Harry: Changed on every project, to be honest man. Sometimes it’s about past relationships. Sometimes it’s about issues i’m going through. A lot of the time it’s about sex!

Interviewer: Yeah, dude, I have noticed that like every other song is about sex. Is that something you’re quite open about?

Harry: I think sex can be either something so beautiful or so passionate. Don’t believe in sad sex! But, um, yeah i’m always really honest lyrically when it comes to the songs about sex and I hope others see it as that too.

Interviewer: No it definitely does! Thanks Harry for your time and, um, keep on having sex so that third album breaks even more records!

Harry: Will do man!

It was easy to understand why you were upset. Harry’s biggest inspiration wasn’t possible for this album, because you were too nervous to let him have you. All of you. You felt a burden, as if you were holding him back from living his life and creating something so amazing. His past two albums had been such hits for songs such as ‘She’ and ‘Only Angel’, which were inspired by the intimate times with past lovers. There would only be sad songs if he wrote an album without any spice.

That’s why as soon as Harry came back on the bus, dressed in shorts and a shirt that was unbuttoned to see his toned chest, you jumped him and kissed him like your life depended on him. He was taken back by surprise, but welcomed your lips nevertheless.

Pulling back he mumbled some words against your lips, “Well this is a nice welcome back gift.” He chuckled at the eagerness of your lips and let his hands roam over your body - from your neck to your waist and over your ass. This man knew what he was doing.

“Harry?” You whispered, stopping your kiss and looking at his beautiful swollen red lips. He was a sight for sore eyes.

“Yeah baby?” He kept himself close to you and you could feel the stiffie that he’d developed pressing against your front.

“Can we… I’m.. If you…”

“What baby? Can tell me anything, y’know that.”

“Wanna have sex with you.” You told him the most simple virgin way ever, your face heating up when you saw him smirking down at you. You’d screwed yourself over here and were getting all shy and embarrassed about it.

“Hey, no. Don’t hide from me,” He drew your face back to his and kept his eyes on yours to provide you some familiar comfort, “you sure?”

“Mhm, yes.” You nodded affirmatively.

“It might hurt a little, okay? First time means that your cute little pussy is going to be really tight. Don’t even know whether you’ll be able to take me.” He taunted you, cupping his hands to your cheeks and brushing his thumbs carefully over your skin to ease your tension.

“I w-will.” You moused out, wanting to be this person for him.

“‘Course you can. You’re my best girl and I know you’ll fit perfectly for me, yeah?” He rhetorically asked pushing you back to the bed and letting you flop there. You watched him as he discarded his clothes, following his lead, until you were both naked in front of each other. You’d been this far before, but this time it felt different. It felt more lustful and exposed and nerve-wracking.

Harry bent down and started to kiss you from your belly upwards, leaving kisses everywhere until he reached your jaw where he bit more than he kisses. He loved seeing his marks being left behind on your skin, proving to everyone that you were his and his alone. His hands found comfort ins kneading and squeezing your breasts like dough, loving the way they were so soft and yet so hard beneath his warm hands. As he found your lips and divulged in your sweet tastes, you slunk your hand down and grabbed ahold of his cock, pumping him a few times to get him primed. You felt the trickles of pre-cum drip from his tip and it only excited you even more.

Taking your lead, Harry pushed one of his hands in between your bodies and started playing with your wet cunt, paying extra attention to your needy clit. He knew you loved it when his fingers got rough, so that’s exactly how he played. His tongue was battling against yours, whilst you both stimulated pleasure to one another. The wet and beautiful sounds filled the room, heightening your arousal - Harry could feel it too, his fingers becoming wetter with every circle and pump of his fingers.

“You ready, baby?” He asked carefully, plucking his lips away from yours with a wet sounding smack. You already looked fucked out and he had barely done anything to you yet.

“Y-yes.” You stumbled, so excited yet so nervous. You were finally going to give Harry what he had been missing for so long and you were also going to let yourself go, and divulge in something new and potentially life-changing.

He leant back and rubbed his own cock for a few strokes, before lining the tip of it with your opening. He teased your entrance, making you bite your lip in anticipation. He smiled down at you and mouthed the words ‘I love you’ without any sounds leaving his lips, before you did the same. The head of his cock started to push in, but you didn’t expect it to hurt as much as it did.

“Shit fuck, y’so tight baby. Need you to relax for me, okay?” He asked, pulling away so he could watch your body relax. You closed your eyes and took a deep breathe, reminding yourself that the best way to relax is not to think about the problem itself but oh how you’d feel when the problem’s fixed. You smiled and once Harry could see your shoulders un-tense, he, once again, pushed his cock into your opening. He hissed at the contact, obviously finding it so pleasurable even if it was only minimal contact, but you, you felt so much pain and soreness from absolutely nothing.

You couldn’t do this.

“It should just…” Harry tried a different angle, but your smile had disappeared and your whole range of emotions had resumed to flat and disappointed in yourself. “Maybe if I just..” Harry tried to hold your legs a little wider and guide his cock more firmly into your opening, but each time he couldn’t push past a certain point without your body rejecting him or your facial expressions telling him he should stop.

“St-stop Harry please.” You cried, bringing your hands up to cover your face as you let the tears flow freely. “Please stop.”

“O-okay. Just gonna…” And he slid out as much as he’d managed to get in, which was probably less than an inch. It hurt when he pulled away and your cunt felt like it was on fire. It stung and it didn’t feel right. You felt like a failure and an embarrassment.

You cried into your arms, letting harsh sobs take over your body. You chest felt tight and your eyes stung worse than your cunt did. God, you couldn’t even do one thing for him. You were the reason why he was having a hard time writing at the moment. You were the reason people would be disappointed to hear no sex inspired songs on the album. He might even have to use past experiences as inspiration, which made your heart curl with jealousy. You didn’t feel like you were enough for him, like you would ever be enough for him.

“I’m so sorry Harry,” You sat up from the bed, not wanting to look at him and his disappointed expression as he stay knelt on the bed - cock looking painfully hard still. You scrambled for your t-shirt and your joggers and then walked out of the room, across the bus’ narrow corridor, and into the bathroom.

You looked at yourself in then mirror and were disappointed at what, or who, you saw. Looking back at you was the person who couldn’t even have sex. You couldn’t give Harry what he deserved. You were a failure and it was stamped all over your body. You cried as you looked at yourself, until you couldn’t and you just slid down the wall and onto the floor. You wished for the Earth to just swallow you whole. You couldn’t stand being here when you were clearly broken and useless.

Harry would surely leave you for this. Why would he want to stay with someone who couldn’t even get their boyfriends dick in their pussy? Couldn’t give each other that pleasure? Harry had so many people in the past and surely with you gone he’d have so many people in the future. It would be selfish of you to stay. Harry had needs you completely appreciated that, but it would be just so difficult to let him go when he means so much to you.

There was a quiet knock at the door, which broke you from your cries and self-deprecating. “Y/N? Baby honey? Can I come in, please?”

“S-sorry. Yes of c-course.” You stood up quickly, thinking that he was wanting to be let in to go to the toilet or to have a cold shower go get rid of the hard-on that you’d put there. Too bad you couldn’t have taken it away.

You unlocked the door and shuffled past him, only for him to stop you. He shut the bathroom door behind him, leaving you both infinitely pressed together in the pathway on the bus. He had you pressed you up against the side of the wall and kept his arms at either side of you.

“Sweets—”

“Harry, please don’t say anything. I-I know what you’re thinking and—”

“Yeah? And what am I thinking?” He asked, not moving away from you. You held your cries the best you could and took a deep breathe to continue.

“I’m a disappointment. I-I i’m not good enough. I’m broken.” You choked out, knocking your head back against the wall from frustration.

“Stop it.” Harry ordered firmly, gripping your cheeks in his hands and forcing you to look at him. The look in his eyes was so hard to read, but he looked desperate and worried and hurt. You hated to think that you were the cause of any of those emotions. “Just stop.” Harry’s own eyes were starting to fill with tears too and you brought your own hand up to catch a few of them before they could fall.

“Don’t cry, please.” You begged, keeping your hand pressed to his cheek which he absolutely adored. He loved the feeling of your skin against his. He never wanted to not have it.

“Then don’t say things that hurt me, okay? Hearing you say those things about yourself absolutely breaks m’heart flower. Just because you were a bit too tight to take me today does not mean that you’re a disappointment or you’re a failure or that you’re not good enough. It hurts to think that you’d ever think I would think that, because - fuck -,” Harry pressed his forehead tight against yours and fanned his lips lips over yours. His closeness was everything. “I love you so much it scares me. My feelings for you are so strong and so real. I want your forever and something as trivial as sex is never going to make me want otherwise. Do you get that?”

“B-but the album?” You asked.

“What about the album?”

“I-in the recent magazine interview you said that sex is your biggest i-inspiration. I can’t be that for you.”

“Is that what this is all about? Because you think that my album isn’t coming together because i’m not having sex? Did you miss the part where I said I wanted this one to be perfect and I was taking m’time with it?”

“No.”

“Well I did say that, because it’s for you baby. The whole thing is going to be for you. Every melody. Every lyric. Every song. Just and all for you.” Both of you were silently crying now, absorbed in each others love and adoration for one another.

“I-I didn’t know.”

“Now you do. This album isn’t really for the charts or the awards. It’s for you, m’heart. I love you for a lot more than your body and its’ pleasures.”

“I’m sorry.” You whispered, taking all his words in and realising how irrationally you’d acted out afterwards.

“For what, sweetheart?”

“For even thinking that you’d be so shallow and cold-hearted.”

“You didn’t think that though, baby. I know you and so I know you didn’t. Your thoughts were based around your own insecurities, not to do with your small-thinking over me.” He explained to you, making you nod and kick your lips.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Well then we don’t deserve each other.”

“But i’ll keep you forever if you’d let me.”

“Looks like we’re together forever then, baby honey.”

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yonduismarrypoppins · 2 years ago

Text

‘Dark haired bitch and she look like Shego’

Summary: You are one of the most liked singers in the U.S, not only are you known for your songs and incredible song writing but also for your nerdy-ness. You also love to cosplay.

Photos aren’t mine, credit to og owners

A/n: I’ve been writing and re-writing the request I got for ‘His Primary Motivation’ au and so far I’m hating it so for now I give you something I’ve been living out and developing in my head on “paper”. Hope y’all like it!

A/n: This is a psa that you can send me requests that aren’t related to HPM! If you message me tell me if you want to be anonymous or not.

A/n: Kill me now 😭, I hate my summaries

I DO NOT GIVE ANYONE PERMISSION TO REPOST OR TRANSLATE AND REPOST, THIS IS MY WRITING! DO NOT FEED MY WORK INTO ANY AI BOT.

I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR MEDIA CONSUMPTION, THIS IS AN 18+ BLOG MAKING THIS 18+ CONTENT. MOVE ON MINOR.

You were always a nerd, for the entirety of the time you were growing up to your newfound fame. Your favorites growing up were Soul Eater, Death Note, Phineas and Ferb and Kim Possible. Every once in a while you posted pictures of your cosplays or went on live in one. Your fans loved it, you were your most carefree in cosplay and your laughs were infectious.

You recently started to hyperfixate on Kim Possible, more accurately Shego. You already had most everything you needed for the cosplay, a long black wig, makeup, silver press-on nails and a small grey nail file. You ordered the suit and when it finally got to your apartment you were ecstatic, when you tried it on you realized that it fit slightly tighter than expected making you slightly more nervous than usual but you pushed it off and finished getting ready, adding the wig, makeup and accessories you were all done.

Clicking the Instagram live button the immediate inflow of people made your heart race but after two minutes you got used to it, as you always do.

“Hey guys!”

- y/nclosettour: mommy sorry mommy sorry mommy 😩😩

- slapmey/n: ZOO WE MAMA

- michelfaro: 🔥🔥🔥🔥

- brittanybroski: step on me

“Thank you guys, and no Brittany I won’t step on you.”

- brittanybroski: damn

You spent most of the time on live talking to your fans, reading comments and filming videos for tiktok. You glanced at the chat and saw more than a few people seemingly encouraging someone else to shoot their shot with you, Jack, you caught after a few more comments. You hoped slightly it was Jack Harlow, you wouldn’t be surprised considering you haven’t been silent over your admiration for his music.

“Nah, what are y’all up too now?”

- nosyy/nnosy: nada

- thinkingofy/n: nunca

“Ok, I don’t believe y’all but ok.”

After around 15 minutes you noticed a comment from Jack Harlow, a rapper you had been listening to frequently after you heard ‘Industry Baby’ for the thousandth time and learned his name.

- jackharlow: hey mamas

- jackharlow: you look fine asf

- jackharlow: ima have to write something about you 😉

“I’m flattered, thank you.”

- simpoftheworld: she likes him

- mayamoriarty: how tf do you know that?

- mayamoriarty: this is the only time they’ve ever interacted

- simpoftheworld: that we know of 😏

- mayamoriarty: 🙄🙄🙄🙄

You ended the live shortly after you noticed that it was well past one in the morning where you were, saying a sassy goodbye that you believed fit the character you ended the live and immediately removed the wig and scratched your scalp. You took of the nails and the makeup next and the costume last, finding it comfortable. After showering and getting ready and dressed for bed you flopped onto your bed and checked your phone one last time before bed. You noticed an Instagram notification from none other than the man of the hour….

jackharlow

Hey mamas

I was wondering

What’s your favorite album or songs of mine?

y/ny/l/noficial

My ultimate favorite album is probably Loose, my favorite songs are Dark Night, Got Me Thinking and Killer

jackharlow

Damn mamas

You done your research

y/my/l/noficial

I always do 😉

jackharlow

Hey

Imma be on your side of town for a few days

You wanna see if we got this same chemistry in person?

y/my/l/noficial

I’d love to make plans

Goodnight Jackman

jackharlow

Goodnight ma

a/n: if you got the Cheetah Girls AND Hamilton reference we need to be best friends yesterday

A/n: I’ll link the headers on the info page!

#jack harlow #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x you #jack harlow x y/n #jack harlow blurb #leo writes again

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drarrily-we-row-along · 3 years ago

Text

Day 121: Record

"I found some weird box full of muggle stuff," Ron called, carrying said weird box out into the open living room that Hermione and Draco were working in since they had mandatory cleaning on Saturday mornings for everyone who lived in Grimmauld. "I don't even know what these are," he added, holding up flat, black circles with holes in the middle.

"They're records," Hermione replied, glancing up from the cabinet she was working on cleaning out. "They play music," she elaborated.

Ron made a face, "They're probably junk," he replied.

"What are?" Harry asked as he emerged from the creepy closet off of the kitchen, covered in spider webs.

"These records," Ron said, kicking the box with his toe.

"Oh," Harry said, making his way over, "Were they Sirius', do you reckon?"

"It says 'Lily Evans' on the side," Draco pointed out.

"Probably junk either way," Ron said.

Draco Malfoy had spent more than half of his life in love with Harry Potter. He might not have called it love when he was young but the older he got, the more clear it became that he had been a lovesick idiot for most of his life. He'd spent a lifetime memorizing every detail of that face. So he couldn't really be blamed for noticing the split second of hurt that flashed across Harry's face before he nodded, "Yeah. You're probably right. I'll just run them out to the bin."

"Let me," he said before he'd really formed a plan. "I've got all this to take out anyway," he said, gesturing to the box of junk that he'd weeded out this morning. "And we all know that Kreacher has less of a problem with it when I do it."

Harry gave him a little smile that Draco wondered if anyone believed was genuine. "Thanks," he said.

Draco levitated his box and the box of records and headed down toward the kitchen. When he was out of ear shot he murmured, "Kreacher," and the elf appeared.

"Yes, Master Draco?"

"Hi," he said, giving him a little nod, "Could you help me with something?"

"Anything!" he replied, nodding hard enough that his ears flapped.

"Could you hold onto this box for me?" he asked, gesturing to the box with the records.

"Of course," he said, immediately taking the box and disappearing.

Draco nodded in satisfaction and started plotting how he'd learn enough about records that he could help Harry use his mother's.

(Read more below the cut)

Two weeks later, on another Saturday morning cleaning day, he still hadn't made much progress. Luna had actually been the most helpful but he hadn't any idea where to find a record player.

But as luck would have it, one turned up in the library, tucked in a cabinet behind some very dusty potion vials and a rusted old cauldron. "Kreacher," he whispered.

When he appeared he held out the record player and asked him to keep it with the records.

He felt quite pleased with himself now that he'd found the record player; he was certain that he'd be able to play records for Harry in no time.

-------------

It took a couple more weeks. Figuring out how to get electricity into the house was no easy feat (but it was easier once he found out that someone, Sirius he suspected, had done it before).

When Harry arrived home that evening, Draco dragged him into the living room, "Draco, what is going on?" he asked, laughing at him as he tried to get him to hurry up.

"I have something for you," he said, nudging him into the room and presenting the record player. "Ta da!"

"Err," Harry said, looking more closely at it, "What is it?"

"It's a record player," he said.

Harry's head whipped around so fast that it made Draco feel dizzy, "What?" he whispered.

"I found it," Draco said, "when I was cleaning in the library. And I thought you might," he shrugged and reached for the box of records, holding it out to Harry, "I thought you might want to listen to them."

The other man looked at him then down at the box in his hands, eyes wide as he reached out a trembling hand to brush his fingers over the spot where 'Lily Evans' was inscribed on the cardboard box. "You," he started before breaking off and covering his mouth with his hand. "I don't know what to say," he whispered.

His heart was full to bursting and he was pretty sure he'd never done anything as good as this in his life. "Would you like to listen to one?"

Harry looked up at him and nodded.

Carefully, he took out the record on the top and slipped it out of it's jacket, "Ella Fitzgerald," he said. "I've no idea who that is."

"Me either," Harry replied, coming closer to watch over Draco's shoulder as he set the record on the plate, turned the player on, and set the needle.

Music spilled forth entrancing them both, It's not the pale moon that excites me, that thrills and delights me, oh no, it's just the nearness of you.

"Wow," Harry murmured, watching the record spin. He turned to Draco, "I can't tell you what this means to me," he whispered. "Thank you."

He shrugged but couldn't quite keep the pleased smile from his face. "You're welcome."

Harry looked back at the record player before looking over at Draco again, "Do you want to sit and listen with me?"

He nodded, "I'd like that very much."

------------

It became something that the two of them did together fairly regularly after that. Sometimes they'd sit together and read while they listened to records, sometimes they'd talk while they listened, or catch up on work, or just listen together but it quickly became Draco's favorite pastime.

One Friday night while Ron and Hermione were out on a date, Ginny was away for a tournament, and Luna was working late, the two of them put on a record and ate dinner in the living room, continuing to drink wine while they talked and laughed long after their pasta was gone.

As the Bob Marley album, Exodus, came to an end, Draco stood up and made his way over to the box. "Etta James," he read, "At Last." He smiled and showed it to Harry, "look, she drew little hearts next to the song titles."

Harry smiled that melancholy sort of smile that made Draco ache inside. "Let's hear it, then."

Draco put it on for them and plopped back down on the floor in front of the sofa, his side mere inches away from Harry's, close enough that he could feel the heat radiating off his body.

"I like this one," Harry sighed thirty seconds in as he leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. "Do you think they used to dance to this one?" he murmured wistfully.

Draco's heart clenched painfully as he was overwhelmed by the sense of loss that Harry must feel constantly. He had to take a slow deep breath before he responded. "Maybe," he whispered back.

The corner of Harry's mouth curled up in a soft smile, "I think they liked to dance," he murmured. "Hagrid gave me a picture of the two of them dancing together when I was at Hogwarts."

"Yeah?" he asked, hoping Harry would say more about that.

Harry nodded, "They looked really happy, you know?" he said. "Like they were the only two people in the world, like they weren't in the middle of a war," he sighed. "I like to imagine both of them dancing with me when I was a baby," he confessed in a whisper, "when I was crying or something. I like to imagine that the love that saved my life was tangible all the time, you know?" he murmured.

"I'm sure it was," Draco said softly.

He leaned over and rested his head on Draco's shoulder and Draco hardly dared to breathe. After a moment Harry said, "Would you dance with me?"

"Yes," he breathed immediately. "Yeah, of course I would."

"Yeah?" Harry asked, sitting up slightly to look at him.

Draco nodded and stood up, reaching for Harry's hand and tugging him up after him. He kept Harry left hand in his right and wrapped his left arm around Harry's shoulder, leaving space for Harry's right arm around his waist.

The other man hummed softly, drawing Draco in a little closer and closing his eyes as they swayed around the room. Draco couldn't stop staring; at the way Harry's eyelashes were long enough that they brushed his glasses, at the tiny nearly invisible freckles that dusted his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, at the barely visible wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, at his lovely full lips, and the way his stubble looked against his skin.

I love you he couldn't help but think, over and over like it was a personal mantra, like it was the only thing that could keep him alive; he ached with it, with the desire to hold him, to kiss him, to tell him what he really thought of him, to build a life with him, to give him everything that he deserved to have.

Harry's eyes blinked open as the song came to an end, his brows furrowing slightly as he brought his hand up to cup Draco's cheek, "Are you alright?" he asked softly, wiping a tear that had slipped out.

"Merlin, sorry," Draco said, taking a step back to wipe his eyes. "Sorry. It's just your life has been so unfair and when I think about you not really knowing your parents and having to live with your shitty relatives, and-" he choked on the tears.

"Hey," Harry murmured, pulling Draco back into his arms and rubbing his back, "Hey, it's alright."

"It's not alright," he managed.

"Well, no," Harry agreed, "I suppose it isn't. But it's all past now," he said. "Now I have my friends and I live with people who love me and whom I love," he carded his fingers through the hair at the base of Draco's neck. "Ron and Hermione, Luna and Ginny," he swallowed, "you."

"I just wish," he started before breaking off because finishing that sentence would be showing far too much of his hand.

Harry drew back slightly to look at him, "What?"

His eyes were so open, so earnest that Draco couldn't help himself. "I wish you'd let me love you the way you deserve to be loved."

The other man blinked, "What do you mean?"

"Promise me that nothing changes if you don't like what I have to say," he said, clenching his fingers in Harry's t-shirt.

"I promise. You're one of my best friends, Draco," he assured.

He took a deep breath, "I'm in love with you," he finally managed. "And I just want to love you, all the time. I want to hold your hand, and dance with you, and make you laugh, and surprise you. I want so many things for you-"

"Me too," Harry interrupted. "I'm in love with you, too, I mean."

"Really?" he whispered, hardly daring to believe it, his eyes welling up with tears again.

"Oh, love," Harry said with a little smile, wiping Draco's eyes with his thumbs, "Yes, really. Come here," he said, pulling him in closer and swaying to the music, letting Draco cling to him as they moved together.

As they continued to dance, Harry started to tell him all of the things that he dreamed about for the future together. Painting a picture of the beautiful life they could have and after a few minutes, Draco joined in, adding bits of his hopes as well.

They stayed up late into the night, talking and dreaming of the life they wanted to give each other. And every time they fought after that, one of them would get out the record player and they'd dance together and remind each other of the lives they wanted to build.

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Day 120: Tough | Day 122: Moon

#100 drabbles in 100 days #one year of drarry drabbles #drarry #drarry ficlets #drarry drabbles #fluff #pining #like a lot of pining #boys in love #love confessions #acts of love #this one got away from me #but I sort of love it #getting together #friends to lovers

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