#finally some drift and locket family fluff

[starheavenly]

Drift and all his babies from different universes

[unnecessarywriting]

Oh, They Win for Sure - Harry Potter

Request: Hi can I have a Christmas theme request please for Harry Potter x reader where they both struggle to find a gift for each other and end with some fluff. I’m in the mood for some fluff

A/N: I hope you enjoy this one. It’s a little short, but its sweet. Merry Christmas!!

Oh, They Win For Sure

Christmas is the best right? No! It really isn’t. Especially, when you are trying to shop for the most simple, yet complicated person in the world. Harry is spectacular, but trying to find the perfect gift is near impossible. You spent several days in Hogsmeade looking around at stores, asking friends, and you even asked complete strangers what to get. No one gave you and solid ideas that would be great for him. The frustration built up, but you were determined. 

One of these trips, you asked Ron to accompany you. Who better to give an idea for a gift than Harry’s best friend? Of course, you had to promise him some chocolate frogs, but you had to look at the bigger picture. Unfortunately for you, Ron was not the best person to get gift advice from.

“Ron, please. Help me find something he will actually like, and do not say sweets because I know you will steal them. I want it to be special.”

“Harry is simple Y/N. Just get him something for his broom or something for quidditch. He’ll like anything that you get him.” You had walked in and out of nearly every shop in Hogsmeade together, and came up empty handed. Little did you know, Harry was having a hard time as well.

“Hermione, you are practically her best friend. What does she like?” Harry complained. He had asked Hermione to help him in Hogsmeade. He wanted this Christmas to be perfect for you. This was the first Christmas together, and he wanted to get you something that would knock you off your feet. 

“Harry, stop thinking too much, or you’ll hurt yourself. Y/N will like anything that you get her, so long as it’s from you.” Hermione was no help, just like Ron.

Harry broke away from Hermione as she met up with Ron and you at the Three Broomsticks. He just needed to clear his head. Then he thought back to his last trip to Diagon Alley to visit Fred and George. There was a vendor that made custom jewelry. He remembered watching you look through some of the items. He returned to his dorm and wrote a letter to the twins hoping that they could deliver an order to the vendor. He promised to pay them back when he saw them at Christmas at the Burrow. He wrote down the details for his gift and gave the letter to Hedwig. He couldn’t contain the excitement. 

You had left the Three Broomsticks early to walk around Hogsmeade. You hoped for a little inspiration. You stopped by a tree and looked at the Shrieking Shack. Your thoughts drifted to Sirius and Remus. You missed both of them dearly, and you knew that Harry was struggling with the loss of his godfather. Then, an idea smacked you in the face. You practically ran back to your dorm. You started writing a letter to Remus. You had asked him if he had any photos from his time at school, and begged him if he could send you a few for Harry. You told him your plan and hoped that he would be willing to help you out. Luckily, you received a letter back, with a box full of photos from his time at school. He told you about some of the photos in his letter, and even thanked you for looking out for Harry.

With a couple days left before the break, you took to making your gift perfect. You had never put so much energy into a gift before, but you needed it to be perfect. As you put the final touches on the gift, you thought to Harry. He deserved the world, and you were hoping that he would enjoy his gift, although, you wondered if you were overstepping. This was very personal, and he may think that you were slightly insane for gifting him something so meaningful. You pushed those thoughts away and tried to stay positive, although you were quite nervous. 

Harry was also feeling nervous. More than anything, he wanted you to be happy. He couldn’t but feel that jewelry was a little cliche and basic, but he was going for sentiment. He couldn’t wait to give you your gift. It wasn’t a competition, but he secretly thought that he was going to win the unspoken “who gave the better gift” competition. 

The time spent at the Burrow was nice, but he was focused on the Draco Malfoy situation back at school. He tried to stay in the Christmas spirit but it was sometimes falling away. You were always there to remind him to be positive and enjoy the time he had with everyone there. Finally, though, it became time to exchange gifts. There were a few couples at the Burrow this year, and he watched them all exchange gifts first. He was excited to see you two in a few years, exchanging gifts still, and being closer than now. He thought of your future together as he watched Molly and Arthur, Remus and Tonks, and Bill and Fleur. 

“Harry don’t you have a gift for Y/N?” He heard Hermione speak. He told her what he got to get her approval. She thought it was adorable.

“Yeah, here it is,” he said, awkwardly handing you the box. You started unwrapping it, and when you finally opened it you smiled warmly. It was a locket in the shape of a golden snitch. Inside was a picture of you two from only a couple months before. “You see, you caught my heart, and the snitch represents that.” He seemed nervous as he watched you. 

“Harry, this is the sweetest.” You turned around so he could put in on you. “I have a gift for you too.” His gift was absolutely perfect, and now you were even more nervous. He unwrapped it and met the front of the photo album you put together.

“So, I know that you haven’t really been able to learn a lot about your parents and Sirius. I asked for some help, and well, I put this together  so you can always have your family with you.” You were nearly shaking as you saw him flip through the pages. You included some of the stories that Remus told you on the pages, as well as some cheerful commentary of your own. 

“Y/N, this is perfect. This is the best gift ever. I don’t even know what to say.” His eyes were slightly glossy as he pulled you in for a tight embrace. You sighed in relief knowing that he liked it.

Bill glanced over at Fleur. She was gushing at the adorable couple. She felt his eyes and she looked towards him.

“I thought we would win the cutest couple here, but maybe I was wrong.” She muttered to him. Bill laughed at her comment. They had talked about who would be the most adorable couple, considering they thought they had it in the bag,

“Oh, they won for sure,” he responded with a big smile on his face.

After gifts were exchanged, you helped Molly prepare for dinner. Remus sat with Harry by the fire.

“You know Harry, that girl you got in there is something special. James and Sirius would approve of her. She really loves you.”

“I know. I really love her too. She’s unbelievable.” 

Remus had been struggling dealing with the loss of his friend, but he was happy to know that Harry had the support system he needed, and that he had someone who would always take care of him and love him.

[pixie88]

Mrs. Evans

Chapter 14 - Always the Bridesmaid.

A/N: Sorry I haven’t uploaded anything new in the last week or so but I have about 6 drafts on Wattpad waiting to be transferred over. I’m hoping this chapter has been worth the wait for you guys! Thanks for being patience with me! I hope you like it.

If you would like to be ADDED or REMOVED just let me know! I hate to annoy people with tags.

Read previous chapters HERE!

Warnings: Fluff & NSFW

Word Count: 2062

Pairings: Laila x Harry

Enjoy!

5 Weeks later

Laila is just finishing her last client of the day when her phone PINGS.

She shook her head.

Ever since that night he had picked her up from Nikki's he will not let her walk home in the evenings by herself. No matter how many times she had told him that she was fine with walking home, he'd be outside the shop waiting for her to finish at the end of her shift.

15 Minutes later

"Laila, your boyfriend is here!" Daniel calls over "OK, I'm just finishing up Mrs. Evans" she smiles up at her in the mirror.

Mrs. Evans has been one of Laila loyal clients, when she has move salons Mrs. Evans has always followed. She has to get 2 buses to get to this salon, Laila has offered to do her hair at home, but she says she likes coming to the salon as it gets her out of the house. Even though she shouldn't, Laila always charges her less than the salons prices, but unbeknownst to Mrs. Evans Laila makes up the difference through her tips.

"I'll finally get to meet this boyfriend of yours, Laila" she whispers, Mrs. Evans has a glint in her eyes "Hang on a minute! Is that why you asked for a late appointment? I've told you that he walks me home, haven't I!?" Mrs. Evans giggles "Mrs. Evans! That is sneaky!" she narrows her eyes at her with a smirk "Laila, How many times do I have to tell you it's Ivie!" Laila leans in and whispers "I know but my boss says it's unprofessional to call clients by their first names" Ivie huffs.

"Right, all done!" she gets up from the seat and hands Laila some money "There's a little extra in there to take this boyfriend for a drink" she whispers, Laila tuts "You didn't have to do that!" she isn't having any of it "Now where is he?" Laila walks her to the reception desk.

Daniel knows the drill to take the money from Laila once she has gone.

He's sat down when he saw her, his face lights up. He gets up from his seat "Mrs. Evans..I mean Ivie, this is my boyfriend Harry Taylor..Harry this is my client of..." it takes her a moment to think "11 years Mrs. Ivie Evans" he offers her his hand and a bright smile, "It's a pleasure Mrs. Evans" she smiles at him "Oh please call me Ivie. Nice to meet you Harry!" she shook his hand "Isn't he handsome Laila! He has dimples too, they say you will never be without a girlfriend if you have dimples!" Harry chuckles "Well thank you, Ivie! I bet you have broken a few hearts in your time"

Ivie blushes "I like him, Laila!" they are interrupted by the sound of a car horn "Oh, that will be my grandson! He's giving me a lift home, Laila can you book me in for 8 weeks time just text me a time. It was nice meeting you Harry, you better take care of her or I'll be after you!" Laila hides a laugh "Don't worry I will. Nice to meet you to Ivie" Harry tells her as she leaves the shop she waves over to Laila.

Once she is out of sight Laila hands Daniel the money Ivie had given her "She's paid £15?" Daniel asks "She said she put some money in there for me to get my boyfriend a drink" Laila says as she empties her tip jar and hands Daniel the extra fiver "I don't know why you don't just ask her to pay the extra tenner" Daniel shook his head "Because I've been doing her hair for years and she's a pensioner"

Harry looks at her confused "Laila, only charges Mrs. Evans £10 for haircut and makes up the difference through her tips" Daniel tells him "Ten pounds difference right?" Harry asks, pulling out his wallet and sticking a tenner in Laila tip jar "Harry!" she pulls it out and hands it back to him, he holds up his hands refusing to take it back "Harry! You can't do that!"

He shrugs his shoulders "I just did and I didn't know about the tip system last time, so call it a late tip!" She huffs "Plus, she did say to you to get your boyfriend a drink!" He winks "Fine!" She pockets Harry's tip and the rest of the jar.

She helps Daniel lock up before leaving for the day, Harry links his fingers through hers "How long have you been doing that for Ivie?" Harry asks her as they walk home "Since I moved to this salon! My other boss didn't mind, but Dave wasn't having any of it" Harry smiles at her "You know you are terribly sweet and soft! But it's also super adorable!" she rolled her eyes at him.

After Poppy told him five weeks ago about Laila's birthday, he confirmed it with Alec that it was in 6 weeks on 5th August. She will be 31, Rem had given him a few present ideas all of them, he knew she would gone nuts, it had to be something sentimental. It took him a few days, but he came up with the perfect gift for her.

~*~*~*~

A couple of days later

Harry stayed at Laila's for the night, as it was her birthday the next day. Her parents were having a do at theirs, they had invited Harry's family, but his parents were on holiday in Rome. Rose offered to for them to flight back, but Harry told them it was fine. Surprisingly Colin suggested they would take the couple out for a meal when they got back to have belated birthday celebrations.

Once Laila fell asleep, Harry managed to sneak down to his car and decorate the flat with balloons, party streamers and banners. He popped the flowers he had bought in a vase with her card, present and small birthday cake in front of the bouquet.

He crept back into bed.

The next morning he woke before her, she was laying on her side with her back towards him. He pulled her towards his chest, she began to stir, he had an idea. His lips kissed just below her ear, his hand slips into her underwear and moves to part her folds "Hmmm..." she hums. He brushes against her clit, her breathing becomes heavy.

His muscular frame surrounded her, he pulls the straps of her top down replacing them with kisses. He only has to stroke over her a couple times before her centre is soaked "Hmm....what a way to be woken up!" He smirks against her shoulder, his lips press against her ear "Happy birthday gorgeous!"

He places a small kiss against her pulse line as 2 fingers enter her, he watches her bite her lip, she pushes the curves of her arse against him and she begins to grind her curves against his crotch. He backs away "Ah ah! Today is about you!"

She huffs, he wants her just as much but today is about her. His pace quickens, her hand reaches up behind her and clutches his hair. She throbs with pleasure, a hot frenzy threads through her body to her core and as he enters another finger inside her while his thumb press onto her clit. Her eyes drift shut as she bucked her hips, legs begin to shake as he curled his long digit inside her and stroked all the right places.

She's barely holding back, the edge in near and she is more than ready to fall over it. Her clutch on his hair tightens as she hits her climax, calling out his name but before she's down from her high, he flips her onto her back, pulls off her underwear and his lips are against her apex. His tongue parts her fold "Harry, wha...what are you doing?" She feels him smirk against her core, he lifts his head a little to look up at her "Making you come in every way possible!" she doesn't get to reply before his mouth is back against her centre.

A little later

Both spent, trying to catch their breath, they collapse back against the mattress. Her head rests on his rising chest "That was one way to wake me up!" he chuckles "Get your pajamas on, I have another surprise for you," she reaches for her underwear and she grabs his t-shirt pulling over herself. "I'm going to have to cover your eyes for this part" He moves behind her, in just his boxers. His hands, cover her eyes, he guilds her into the living room he decorated the night before.

He removes his hands, her eyes refocus as she looks around the room "Wow! This is lovely!" she turns and captures his lips, he smirks "That's not all!" he points over to the dining room table, where her presents are. "You didn't have to get me anything!" he chuckles "I wanted to" she walks over and opens her card. The front reads *Happy birthday to my beautiful girlfriend*

"Open the smaller present first," he tells her, she opens the smaller one. It's a small compact mirror, she looks at him confused, he flips it over and in permanent marker it says *Your dare is to get a kiss from who you think is the most attractive person in the room* she laughs remembering this was his dare he had asked her to help him with at the stag weekend. She pulls his lips to hers, he smirks against them "At least this time you didn't tell me to kiss my own reflection" they both laugh.

"Open the other one!" she turns to the last present, she opens the box inside is a silver locket "Harry...It's...beautiful!" he smiles "Just like the one your Great Nan had?" she takes a closer look, its very simpler "It is!?" he smirks "After you told me how much you loved it. I asked Remy to get a photo of it from your parents, but that's not all look inside and check out the back of it" she flips it over.

Engraved on the back are the words and the date she asked him to be her boyfriend *I love you x 12/06/20* she opens it up and the photo is the one he took of them together on top o2 arena. She rushes him, her arms wrap round him "Thank you so much! Honestly the best present ever!" he's glad she likes it "You're welcome, I'm glad you like it. You go and get in the shower and I'll cook us up some breakfast" she places a soft kiss against his lips and makes her way towards the bedroom.

Her phone is vibrating against the bedside table, she swipes the screen, she laughs as she shook her head at her friends.

After her shower, Harry serves up her breakfast waffles and fruit, he even lights a candle on the birthday cake "What did you wish for?" he asks "A new boyfriend," she teases him, but soon regrets it when he begins to tickle her "Ahh!" she screams "What did you say, Laila?" he loves hearing her laugh "OK, I was joking! The only boyfriend I want is you" he stops "Good! The feeling is mutual, Princess"

Laila meets Nikki outside her work "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Nikki screeched at her before wrapping her arms around her friend, "Thank you! But I can't breathe" Nikki loosens her grip "What did Harry get you?" Laila lifts her locket to show her "Oh wow! Laila! That's gorgeous!" they head in for their appointment with Daniel.

Continue reading this story here - Chapter 15.

@lem-20​ @secretaryunpaid​ @shewillreadyou​ @aussieez​ @khoicesbyk​ @irisofpurple​ @tea-me-kah​ @casualpostqueen​ @gloriousalmondvoiddreamer

[allthephils]

2020 Fic Masterlist (so far)

I miss writing. To be clear, I don’t feel bad for not writing, I just miss it. Writing and me were enemies to friends to lovers and just when things got cozy, she got quarantined and we drifted apart. I’m trying my best to woo her back into my life and to that end, I’m going to look at what I did write this year. Instead of focusing on how long it’s been since I posted or how many fewer words there are than last year, I’m posting this 2020 so far master list. And damnit, I’m going to feel good about it.

Honeydew G, 4989 words Dan is a painter who’s lost his inspiration and Phil is a muse on roller skates. Yes, this is a Xanadu au but I think you can enjoy it with no point of reference. tags: roller skating, strangers to lovers, a little bit of magic

Trajectory G, 165 words Monochrome Dan introspection. First person prose/drabble

Maybe Stay Lost T, 1627 words, WIP, Dan is a prince, just looking for some room to breathe. When he meets an oddly charming man in the woods, he finds a freedom he never could have imagined. I do plan on continuing this. Tags: historical au, strangers to lovers, 18th century (loosely), romantic fluff

Unquestionable E, 920 words, Phil went home with Dan, and then he didn’t leave. This is a part two but can stand alone just fine. Tags: strangers to lovers, sexual content

But First, Coffee G 2173 words, Dan and Phil’s stories intersect in a coffee shop. tags: meet cute, pure fluff, alternating perspectives, coffee shop au, alternate meeting

Because Everyone Else is Boring, and You’re Different T, 1632 words, Dan and Phil slip away from the YouTube Halloween gathering, Tags: cannon adjacent, 2009, Halloween gathering

Luna Ursi T, 12433 words, Phil takes in a stray dog and soon realizes he’s found his other half. Tags: very minor mentions of blood, brief mention of homophobia, no animals are mistreated in this story, implied sexual content

Staring at the Sea M, 6640 words, Dan wears a braided chain made of finest silver from the north of Spain, a locket that bears the name of the man that he loves. Title is from a Cure album but this fic was based a different song entirely. Tags: strangers to lovers, non-explicit sexual content, not a strictly happy ending but an open one

Seagulls Screaming (kiss him, kiss him) G, 1922 words, Dan goes to the coast with his family and shares a fleeting moment with a boy on a cliff. It’s brief but it’s clear, this is only the beginning. In another world, this is their origin story. Tags: alternate meeting, 2009, Isle of Man, songfic, shifting perspectives

Just like Heaven G, 2440 words, Dan is a barista and Phil is the best part of his job. Tags: pure fluff, coffee shop au, barista Dan, Bryony Mathewman

Sweeter T, 599 words, Phil finds an alluring boy on the beach who tastes like every sweet thing he misses. Tags: mermaid Dan, Vampire Phil, fluff

Phantasmagoria M, 2299 words, Dan and Phil are mildly Instagram famous for their very realistic vampire cosplays. Tags: au, blood, implied sexual content, Vampire Phil, cosplay

Speed of Sound E, 15712 words, Dan has finally found a voice to ground him and the face that goes with it is even better. Yes this still has one chapter to go and yes it will be finished. :) Tags: meditation, therapy, strangers to lovers,

I also recorded a couple of podfic that you can find on my AO3 if you’re so inclined.

[suitsandstyles]

You Teach Harry How to Knit.

Harry has been begging you to teach him how to knit since you made him a sweater for his birthday and you finally have the chance.

[One shot]

[Fluff, Christmas]

Harry picks up a bundle of big, pink, fluffy, yarn.

“This one should do, yeah?” he asks, looking at you.

You frown and say, “Sorry, H, that one would probably be too difficult for your first time.”

He makes a pouty face and places the yarn back on the shelf giving it a little pat.

“One day, little buddy.” He says to it making you giggle.

You and Harry are at the store shopping for knitting supplies. In the basket, you already have all the yarn and new needles you need to sew some matching scarfs and hats for your family for Christmas, but Harry still has nothing. He has been begging you to teach him how to knit since you knitted him a big, brown sweater for his last birthday, but you hadn’t had time till now. You eye some baby blue yarn and hold it up to him. Harry immediately gets all giddy and says, “That’s my yarn.” You throw it in the basket and head over to the next aisle to get Harry some needles before heading to check out.

Once, you both make it back to the apartment, Harry starts the fire and begins playing Christmas music while you make two cups of hot chocolate with extra whipped cream in both. You set the mugs down on the coffee table and take a seat on the couch. Harry makes his way over with the supplies and takes out your knitting needles. He gets down to one knee and holds the needles out in the palm of his hands like you’re some sort of queen and he’s a lowly peasant.

“Y/F/N Y/L/N, whilst though teach a lowly fool the beautiful and delicate art of knitting?”

You giggle at the sight of him and play along by saying, “Is ye sure thou is ready for such a challenging and daring skill?”

Harry looks up at you and says, “I was born ready, love.”

You grab the needles out of his hands and he sits up and kisses you before taking his place next to you. Harry picks up knitting fast. At first, his cast on stitch was too tight so he had to start over, but he got it the second time. He easily figured out the cross stitch and the pearl stitch and jumped up in excitement when he finished his first row. He had a little trouble tying off his ends and he looked so adorable with the crinkle on his forehead as he sat there in concentration. You loved Harry for being so effeminate, it was one of the first things that made you attracted to him. The two of you met at a restaurant while you were both waiting for a table. He was wearing a blue, sparkly, jumpsuit and you couldn’t stop staring at him. Your friend pressured you into going over and introducing yourself, which is not normally something you would do, but you were feeling bold that night.

Harry catches you staring into space and tickles your side to make you snap out of it. After Harry finishes three practice patches, you yawn and decide to call it a night. Harry pouts, begging you to stay up and knit with him some more and somehow you two end up compromising on putting on a movie in the bedroom and letting Harry bring his knitting supplies in so he can ask you any questions before you drift off.

You’re cuddled up against his side and start to doze off during the marriage scene of The Princess Bride. You can feel Harry’s body rocking back and forth from knitting, almost like he was rocking you to sleep.

You wake up the next morning and look over at Harry. He’s still asleep. He must have dozed off while knitting last night. The bundle of yarn is in his lap and he’s still holding one of the needles. He’s still slightly sitting up and there’s drool on the corner of his mouth. The excess yarn pools right over his butterfly tattoo and you can see he started knitting a scarf, it’s about half a foot in length so far. You lean over and kiss his check, stirring him awake. He groans and stretches his arms up.

“Mornin’, Y/N,” he yawns and rubs his eyes.

“Morining, nice scarf so far.”

He looks down at his supplies and laughs to himself realizing he fell asleep like that. He sits up and takes your hand.

“Y/N,” he says and you nod, “I love knitting so fucking much,” you erupt in laughter, “Holy fuck it is so nice and relaxing and its so cool, like I am actually making something right now,” he holds up the scarf, “But babe, I didn’t realize how longggggg it takes! I must’ve stayed up until three because I was determined to finish this scarf after you went to sleep, but I barely even made half a foot! And you, you made me that sweater for my birthday! I can’t even imagine how long it took you to do that one. I mean it’s always been my favorite sweater, but now, fuck, I’d give away one of my rings before I’d let anyone lay a hand on that thing,” he brings your hand up to his mouth and kisses it, “Basically what I think I’m trying to say, Y/N, is I love you and you’re amazing and I fucking love knitting.”

It’s the day after Christmas which is the day you and harry have been celebrating Christmas together for the past three years. Both of you flew to your home towns to spend Christmas with your families since neither of you get to see them often. You and Harry are sitting on the couch drinking apple cider in matching fluffy, pink robes that your mom bought you both for Christmas. Harry was so thrilled your mom knew his favorite color and made sure to call her immediately to thank her. You hand Harry his gift. Inside is a necklace with a pendant that had a preserved butterfly wing in it that you saw back in October at an antique shop and you knew he’d love it. At the bottom of the box was the big, fluffy, pink yarn he had eyed at the store. He jumps up at the sight of the yarn and tackles you on the couch covering you in kisses. He puts the necklace on repeating over and over again about how much he loves it.

Finally, he hands you your gift. It’s a medium sized box wrapped in dark green paper tied with a dark red bow. You smile at the memory of teaching Harry how to properly wrap gifts since he use to think it was acceptable to give gifts in the plastic bags they came in. In the box, everything is covered in tissue paper. The first thing you unwrap is a note card that says

“Agenda for today:

1)   Open gifts

2)   Open another gift in the bedroom ;)

3)   Eat dinner at Y/N’s favorite restaurant

4)   Drive around the big, fancy neighborhoods to see the Christmas light”

You look up and him and say thank you but he just gesturers for you to continue to open. The next item is a locket with a photo of the two of you and the last one is a book by your favorite author. You go in to hug Harry and thank him for the gifts, but he says, “Wait, there’s one more.” He lifts up the tissue paper that’s covering the bottom of the box and it’s the baby blue scarf. You slightly gasp and look up at him.

“Oh no, Harry, I can’t accept this. It’s the very first thing you made, this is way too important to you, I just can’t possibly accept such a special thing-“

He cuts you off, “Y/N” he says and holds your hand, “I can’t possibly think of a better use for this scarf other than for my very beautiful, very important girlfriend that I love deeply. Of course I want you to have the very first thing I knitted, you are that important.”

He takes the scarf out of the box, wraps it around your neck and pulls you in for a kiss using both ends of the scarf.

[moiraineswife]

Family Lies - The Locket Part 2 - A Mollymauk Fic

Part 2 of The Locket series! Thank you to @9thlevelcounterspell for holding my hand and pompoms through this endeavour to cobble something together. 

Click here for Part 1! 

Title: Chapter 2: The Locket 

Fic Summary: Molly has no memories of his past before he woke up at the side of the road, half-dead, and was taken in by the carnival that became his family.The only connection he has to who he was before is a locket given to him by Yasha. 

Now travelling with his new, strange group, he begins to understand who he was before, and is forced to face the ghosts that emerge from the locket he opened with unthinking curiosity.

Mollymauk backstory/character study/exploration of the new team dynamic. Something in here for everyone. And shit loads of angst. Because I'm me.

Chapter Summary: The new family that's blossoming around Molly starts to discuss their old family. Mostly team fluff and bonding, with a little bit of backstory speculation thrown in because why not? 

Teaser: It didn’t take them long to get onto the subject of their families. It was inevitable, really. 

They were six, occasionally seven, whenever Yasha drifted back to join them, travellers in a wagon with a single horse which was, miraculously, still alive. There were only so many times they could listen to jester half-shriek, half-sing, without a single hit note anywhere to be found, the same sailor’s songs Fjord had taught her before the desperation to avoid yet another rendition of it drove them all into small talk. 

Link: AO3 

It didn’t take them long to get onto the subject of their families.

It was inevitable, really. They were six, occasionally seven, whenever Yasha drifted back to join them, travellers in a wagon with a single horse which was, miraculously, still alive. There were only so many times they could listen to jester half-shriek, half-sing, without a single hit note anywhere to be found, the same sailor’s songs Fjord had taught her before the desperation to avoid yet another rendition of it drove them all into small talk.

Molly was taking his turn lounging in the back of the wagon with Jester, his head resting idly in her lap, allowing her to comb her fingers through it and braid it. This inevitably meant it getting knotted so badly Beau had offered to cut it off with a dagger to salvage it, but he had managed to untangle it all so far.

Fjord started it, turning to Beau as Jester began humming a very familiar tune that struck fear into the hearts of all those around her, and said with an air of thinly concealed desperation, “So, this vacation you’re on right now. Your folks okay with it, are they?”

She narrowed her eyes at him in that way she did. Molly lazily turned his head to get a better view- only to have Jester give him a good idea what it felt like to be the horse as she yanked on his hair like reins, “Stay still,” she huffed at him, “You’re making it more difficult to create my masterpiece.”

Choosing to pass over the ominous use of the word ‘masterpiece’ he instead fished another few mint leaves out of the pouch at his belt and began chewing them.

He had found a small clump of fresh mint the other day and had eagerly picked it. Over the course of their travels he had managed to persuade most of the others to try some.

Fjord had shrugged noncommittally, claiming not to be offended by it, but also not really sure why anyone would bother chewing it.

Beau had glowered at him as though he’d offered her freshly picked hemlock instead and refused to put it anywhere near her mouth.

Jester had liked it so much she requested more. Which she had promptly sprinkled all over the top of one of her doughnuts in order to make it ‘mint flavoured.’ She was a strange soul, but Molly wasn’t one to judge.

Caleb, apparently already used to the practice, had taken some without needing to be urged and thanked him for it.

He had also helped coax Nott into trying some.  The leaves had remained in her mouth for all of twenty seconds before she spat them out and scrubbed at her tongue with her fingers, looking disgusted.

“Yeah, they were cool with it,�� Beau said, shrugging, “No big deal.”

Molly, recognising the tone by now, absently riffled through the deck of cards that were rarely out of his hands, and threw one at her like a glaive. Happily, her attention was focused on Fjord, and so it hit her in the side of the head. She snatched at it before it fell and whirled on him, torn between staring down at it.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she demanded, brandishing it at him.

Above him, Jester cried eagerly, “Oh me! Let me see it! I will reveal the secret message it conceals!”

Abandoning the ‘masterpiece’ of Molly’s hair, she crawled to the edge of the wagon and took the card from Beau. She stared down at it for almost a full minute then burst out laughing, with such a loud shriek that the horse snorted, lashing its tail, startled by the sudden noise. Caleb quieted it with a gentle touch to the neck while Jester rolled around the bottom of the wagon, clutching her stomach.

“What?” Beau demanded, glaring at Molly  who just offered her a soft smile, and hastily pulled his legs up against his chest to avoid the retaliatory whack from her staff.

Controlling herself with difficulty, Jester sat up again, holding the card before her as though she was about to bless someone with it, she announced, “It means that you’re lying.”

Molly plucked the card from Jester’s fingers and deftly slotted it back into the deck as Beau fumed, “I am not.”

“Oh but you are,” Molly said, grinning at her upside down from where Jester had yanked his head by the horns back into her lap so she could continue playing with her hair, “You’re lying through your teeth, and you’re doing a very poor job of it, I must say.”

“My parents don’t care that I’ve gone on this trip!” she burst out, as though increasing her volume would make them less likely to see through her bullshit.

“Mm, that’s closer, but still not quite the truth, is it?” Molly said, smiling at her.

“You better shut your mouth so I can’t see those teeth of yours any more or I swear I’ll knock them down your throat, ”Beau snarled at him, starting forward before being restrained by Fjord’s gentle hand on her shoulder.

In response, Molly bared his fangs at her. She growled.

“What are you trying to say, Mollymauk?” Caleb asked, frowning slightly at him from where he was up front walking the horse.

Nott was currently sitting on its back, occasionally accepting the flowers Caleb passed to her from the side of the road. The first time she had tried this the horse had nearly bolted and left them alone in the wilderness. But by now, as with so many other things, the poor beast seemed just resigned to its fate. Molly was fairly certain it was counting down the days to Winter’s Crest with eagerness. Though he doubted Jester would ever actually let him butcher and eat it.

“You come from money, yes?” He shot at Beau. It was a rhetorical question, but she grunted vaguely in a way that meant ‘yes’. “Girls like you that come from money like that aren’t generally allowed to wander the countryside wherever they will. Maybe your parents truly don’t care, I know I certainly wouldn’t-“ she made a rude hand gesture towards him, and he responded with one of his own, “But my guess is they have no idea you’re taking this little tour of the world.”

Beau flushed red at that and Molly smirked, popping another mint leaf into his mouth and feeling satisfied.

“Uh, what about siblings?” Caleb interjected as Beau clenched her fists tightly and glared in Molly’s direction. It was a very obvious attempt at defusing the situation, but it was curiously difficult to deny the awkward wizard anything. “Brothers? Sisters?”

“What about them?” Beau muttered, looking away from Molly.

“Well, do you have any? Don’t they miss you being away from home for so long?” Caleb asked.

Molly cracked an eye open to peer at Beau. She had gone curiously quiet, as though all the rage and fight that had been blazing through her only a moment before was gone. “Got a sister. Younger,” she grunted, finally, “I miss her but she-“ She broke off, then shrugged, “She’s cool. It doesn’t bother her, she just wants me to be happy and all that sappy shit...” she trailed off, scuffing her toe against the ground.

This time, Molly judged, she wasn’t lying. She was still hiding something from them but...This time he had no desire press her.

“So, what about you?” Beau demanded, turning to Fjord with an almost alarmingly rapid rise in the volume of her voice as she very pointedly shifted the focus to the half-orc.

Fjord sighed, “I’ve got siblings. One brother, he’s a few years younger than me, and six sisters, some older, some younger, I’m kind of in the middle.”

Nott made a small choking noise from her perch atop the unfortunate horse. “Your parents had eight children?” She squawked, looking horrified at the very idea.

“Yup,” Fjord said, shrugging his shoulders, “It wasn’t that bad. Two of my sisters ended up as captains, and I ended up getting my first job on one of their ships before I worked my way up.”

“Hold on,” Beau interjected, goggling at Fjord, “You said your sisters were captains?”

“Sure,” Fjord replied easily. He frowned down at Beau as she continued to goggle at him, as though he’d announced his sisters each had three heads and twelve arms. “You know,” he said, leaning in conspiratorially to Beau, “It’s only really humans that bother about that shit. Half-orcs, not so much.”

“Tieflings don’t either!” Jester chimed in.

“In my experience, tieflings can take or leave gender as they see fit,” Molly supplied mildly, “It’s definitely a human thing.”

Jester nodded her agreement. “Definitely.”

“Definitely,” Nott agreed, surprising them all by chipping in to the conversation.

“Humans have many things other races do not,” Caleb added, “And a lot of them are very stupid and unnecessary.”

Molly smiled over at the wizard, “Excellently put,” he said, with the smile he gave the wizard whenever he wanted to see him blush.

“Don’t tease him,” Jester chided him in Infernal, lightly slapping his shoulder.

Molly’s grin broadened, “I wasn’t teasing, my dear, I was being honest.” he replied in the same language, “But he does turn a delightful red colour when you get him flustered, don’t you think?”

“Well you shouldn’t fluster him,” she said, “It’s not nice.”

He snorted at the irony of that, but decided not to comment on it.

Caleb, still slightly pink, turned to Fjord, cleared his throat and said, “So you’re father was a sailor, too. What about your mother?”

Fjord smiled at that, “She was a blacksmith,”  he informed them all. Even Jester looked up in interest at this. Apparently it hadn’t yet come up in her travels with the half-orc. “Yup, that’s how she and my father met, see. He was also trained to protect the ships, as well as sail them.  He went to her for weapons when they stopped in Port Damali one day. Said he fell in love the moment he set eyes on her.”

Jester ‘awwww’d’ loudly at this, while Beau mimed vomiting into the grass at the side of the road, making Molly snort in amusement.

“Was she very beautiful?” Jester asked excitedly, apparently not noticing either Molly or Beau’s reaction to this.

“Still is,” Fjord said with a soft smile.

Jester’s grin turned positively wicked and she leaned out of the wagon slightly to say, eyebrows waggling suggestively, “Maybe that’s where you get your good looks, hm?”

Fjord promptly blushed at that, which only made Jester look more pleased.

“You shouldn’t fluster people, it’s not nice,” Molly said in Infernal, imitating Jester’s voice.

She tugged on one of his horns irritably and he smirked some more, so she did it again. Then she peered up at Fjord and said, still in Infernal, “He turns a very amusing colour too, though.”

“That he does,” Molly replied, lazily casting another glance in Fjord’s direction.

He raised his tail and Jester slapped hers against it, both of them smiling.

“I still haven’t gotten used to that,” Nott said, eyeing Molly’s tail as he flicked it idly from side to side.

“That we have tails?” Jester asked, cocking her head and frowning.

Nott nodded.

“Ah, but there are so many uses for them,” Molly said, lightly smacking Fjord’s ass as he moved around the cart to walk beside Caleb. He flushed again and Jester grinned.

Nott giggled, looking eager, “What else?” she asked, eyes shining with interest.

Molly smiled and shifted slightly, dangling his tail over the side of the wagon and knocking on it to get Frumpkin’s attention. Caleb’s familiar, now restored to cat form much to the wizard’s delight, trotted over and immediately began batting at the tip of Molly’s tail as he jerked it out of reach.

Nott laughed even harder, leaning around the edge of the horse to watch.

“Careful,” Caleb warned, though he too was smiling, “His claws are sharp.”

He wasn’t wrong. Molly was just a little too slow and Frumpkin’s claws tore through the delicate skin. With a soft hiss of pain he tugged it back up into the cart.

“Sorry,” Caleb said, frowning apologetically as Frumpkin continued to look around for the source of his entertainment.

“Not at all, I was asking for it,” Molly replied mildly, smiling.

“I’m the cleric!” Jester shrieked, “Let me see it! I will tend to your wounds.”

“I really don’t think it needs-“ Molly began, but Jester had already seized his tail and yanked it up to her eyes to inspect it.

“Poor tail,” she said, prodding at the thin slashes. She pressed a soft kiss to it and then released him, “All better,” she announced.

“All better indeed,” he agreed, leaning forwards and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, “Thank you, sweetling.”

Jester beamed at him.

“What about you, Jester?” Nott asked, who had now turned right around on the horse’s back, facing the two of them in the cart.

Molly returned his head to Jester’s lap and allowed her to keep playing with his hair as Beau said, “Yeah. You got twelve siblings stashed up in Nicodranas somewhere?”

Jester laughed at that, “Definitely not,” she replied, “I am an only child,” she announced, smiling, apparently satisfied by this.

“Figures,” Fjord muttered under his breath.

“What is that supposed to mean?” she demanded, glowering at the tall half-orc, hands planted on her hips.

“You’re just a very singular individual, darling, couldn’t picture it any other way,” he replied, smoothly.

Jester considered this for a long moment, a faint crease between her brows. Then she beamed and settled herself back down in the wagon, looking rather pleased and proud. “Quite right,” she nodded.

“Your father isn’t at home though, is he?” Molly said, craning his head back in her lap to squint up at her, “The first day we met I remember you asking me about him,” he spread the cards in a fan and waved them under her nose to underline his point.

“I did ask you!” she said, looking excited he remembered. “The truth is I have never met him, or-“ she broke off, frowning slightly, “I did when I was very, very small, my mother said But I don’t remember, so it doesn’t count.”

“Reasonable,” Molly agreed.

“He left my mother when I was very young. But she wouldn’t tell me why. Or where he went. Or what he was like.”

“So what?” Beau said incredulously, snorting, “You figured you’d just traipse up and down all of Wildemount until you found out for yourself?”

“Yes,” Jester said, composedly.

“Oh,” Beau said, apparently taken aback by this matter-of-fact reply, “Well...Good luck with that,” she finally managed to get out, obviously at a complete loss for how to respond to Jester.

Molly had noticed that a lot of people seemed to have that reaction to her. And what was more, she seemed to like it.

“Thank you, Beau,” Jester said, composedly.

“So, what’s your mother like?” Fjord asked conversationally.

“She’s a wonderful woman,” Jester said, nodding sagely, “A  blue tiefling, just like me, and very, very beautiful.  The most beautiful woman in all the world.”

“You can’t technically say that, though,” Caleb said, frowning, “Because you haven’t seen every woman in the world to know that-“ He caught the ‘stop talking now’ look that Fjord was giving him and broke off, but too late.

“No!” Jester declared, “She is the most beautiful woman in all the world. Lots and lots of people say it. People come from all over the world to see her and be kissed by her.”

“Be kissed by her?” Nott repeated, eyes wide.

Jester nodded, “Yes. She was blessed by the Traveler, you see, to be so beautiful that people will come from far and wide to see her. And she’s magical, too. If you’re kissed by her, you’re destined to meet your soulmate.”

Everyone took a long moment to digest this but really, Molly thought, given the way Jester was, that story could have been a lot more shocking.

“So, if they’re destined to meet their soulmate from a kiss...What wondrous thing happens if they sleep with her, then?” he asked her in Infernal, a wicked grin spreading across his face.

“Me,” Jester replied primly.

He choked on his mint leaves.

Jester patted him on the back, grinning. Then she turned her attention to Nott, “What about you, Nott?” she trilled.

The little goblin girl gave a small shudder. “Oh, my family were dreadful. Definitely not magical at all,” she said, shaking her head so hard her large ears flapped emphatically. “And I certainly don’t want to find them on this trip.”

“You ran away from them, then?” Fjord asked, the big man’s voice surprisingly gentle.

Nott nodded firmly. “Oh yes. But I...I may have...Taken a few things before I left.”

“A few things?” Fjord repeated, “What kinds of things?”

“Gold things,” Nott said, wringing her hands in her lap as though expecting them to be angry with her. “Lots of gold things.” She paused a moment, then amended, “Actually all of them.”

“All of them?” Molly repeated, eyebrows raised as he peered upside down at Nott.

She nodded and then confessed in a rush, “I stole all of the gold that my clan king had before I ran away.”

A long moment of silence followed this pronouncement. Then both Beau and Molly burst out laughing at the same moment.

“Good for you, kid,” Beau said, smiling and giving Nott a gentle tap on the shoulder with the end of her staff.

Nott smiled around at them all rather sheepishly, but looked pleased with herself all the same.

“Caleb,” she said, turning to the wizard walking along absently beside the horse, for once actually paying attention to the conversation and not one of his many books. “Do you want to share anything?”

Caleb looked around at everyone watching him, cleared his throat and said, “You have been my only family for a little while, now,” to Nott who smiled a little sadly and patted him on the shoulder. “My mother still lives in Zemni,” he admitted, “But I haven’t seen her in some time. She’s a bookmaker.”

“You continue to find new and amusing ways of shocking me each and every day that we travel together, Caleb,” Molly said, sardonically.

“What about your father?” Fjord asked, the group as a whole ignoring Molly’s comment.

“My father died when I was a teenager,” Caleb admitted, not looking too sorry about this. “He was not a very nice man, and he did not like magic. After he died, my mother took care of me, and found books so that I could study some more. When I was ready, she encouraged me to leave and travel, learn more.”

“Any siblings?” Beau asked.

“I had a sister,” Caleb said, very quietly, “But she...She died. She, she was always rather frail and she grew ill one Winter. She did not get better.”

Nott gently patted Caleb’s arm and he smiled, squeezing her hand in answer.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Fjord said quietly.

“It was a very long time ago,” Caleb replied, mechanically.

Molly frowned slightly. There was something...Off about his story. Not by much, but Molly had gotten very good at reading people during his time at the carnival. It had been essential to picking the correct marks with his tarot readings, and responding properly to their reactions.

He didn’t have time to question the wizard, however, because a moment later Jester flicked one of his horns to get his attention and he looked up at her instead.

“I haven’t forgotten about you, Mollymauk,” she sang, prodding him in the side with the tip of her finger, making him squirm away from her.  Perhaps the biggest mistake he had ever made in his life was letting Jester see how damned ticklish he was.

“There are a lot of things about me that are hard to forget, sweetheart,” Molly said with a lazy grin, “You’ll have to be more specific.” he said, more focused on batting her evilly wiggling fingers away from him than on the conversation.

“Your family,” she said, blinking down at him, “Everyone else has said things, but not you.”

“Well that’s simple,” he said with an easy smile, “You’ve already met my family.”

Jester frowned down at him, her nose scrunching rather adorably as she did so, “No we haven’t. I would definitely have noticed if we had ran into a flock of lavender coloured tieflings in fancy coats,” she plucked at the silk coat he was sprawled in.

Molly just smiled up at her, “You did meet them. Orna, and Toya, and Gustav. Have you forgotten already? It wasn’t that long ago, surely. Too many doughnuts, I think, they’re rotting your brain.”

“My brain is not rotten,” Jester declared, “It’s the most unrotten thing in the world!”

“Quite right,” Molly agreed, patting her hand.  

“But they weren’t your family family,” Jester said, “They weren’t tieflings.”

“Your powers of perception never fail to astound me,” Molly replied. Jester jabbed him irritably with the tip of her tail. “You’re right, they weren’t tieflings, but they were my family,” he said, hoping that would be enough to stop the flood of questions that were causing an uncomfortable prickle of cold dread to slide down his spine. “All of them. And Yasha, of course.”

“But what about your family family,” Jester persisted, “The other lavender tieflings of the world, you know. We want to hear all about them!”

He tensed slightly, drawing his head out of her lap and sitting up, spine stiff, at the same time Beau said, “Yeah, c’mon Tealeaf, everyone else shared. Take your turn.”

“I bet your mother was really, really pretty,” Jester continued to prattle, seemingly oblivious to the fact that this was the last thing he wanted to discuss.

“Leave it, Jester,” he said, his voice quiet and strained, but he wasn’t sure that she heard.

“Did she have tattoos as well? Or is that more a ‘you’ thing? Oh! Did she make your cloak for you?” she continued.

The rest of the group had fallen a little more quiet now, perhaps sensing the tension that seemed particularly tight around his chest, squeezing the air from his lungs, making it painful to breathe, crushing his heart.

“Stop it,” Molly whispered, staring straight ahead, that cold dread that had been snaking its way up his spine snapping taut like a whip, stinging at his raw nerves.

He clenched his hands in his lap to stop the trembling, but it didn’t do any good.

“What about siblings, then?” Jester persisted, head cocked to one side, voice now alive with curiosity, “A little sister, maybe? You would be a good older brother, I think, you-“

“Shut up!” he barked, silencing her at last as he turned on her, red eyes flashing, fangs instinctively bared. “How about you mind your own damned business for once in your life,” he snapped at her.

Jester’s eyes had gone wide, her mouth slightly open. She didn’t say anything, but she stared at him as though he was her once beloved pet suddenly turned savage.

There was a tight lump in his throat and he could already feel the guilt creeping into him, smothering the flare of anger that he was still struggling to place.

All the same, he shoved himself out of the wagon, unable to take the stares of the others, shoved his hands into his pockets and muttered, “I’m going to walk awhile. Someone else can take a turn.”

Without another word he sped up to walk ahead of their little convoy. The wagon didn’t move fast, with their sad, solitary horse to pull it, and it didn’t take much effort to get clear ahead of them, out of range of their whispered comments about his behaviour, their prying eyes, and above all, the hurt on Jester’s face.

************

[castawxayaway]

uncertainties

27: Kiss Me. 

the beautiful @darkspring requested no. 27 from this prompt list I reblogged with dan. as always, you ask and I deliver. if you want to see the list for yourself and maybe request one *nudge nudge* feel free to! enjoy this, this thing (I haven’t got a lot to say really, a bit of angst and fluff combined tonight). 

prompt list / collection of my writing / requests open

:)

He couldn’t help but let out a frustrated sigh as we stood in opposite ends of the room, our once safe place turning against me. “What don’t you understand?” His words hung heavy around us, they were becoming all consuming as I remain silent. “The fact that I love you or that I want to be with you?” I could see it in his eyes, the flash of confusion tainted by the sorrow of the blue. 

Lifting my hands together I dig my nails into each other, causing some kind of feeling to emerge as he awaits my response- whatever it may or may not be. Already I could see it, picture it happening as the words fumble out of my mouth or may be said with too much honesty. He’d shrug his shoulders, swear to himself and leave. He’d walk out that door, down the three flights of stairs and regret trying, just like everyone else. 

“I don’t understand why.” My voice came across louder than I had intended, the frailty had disappeared from the last time I had this conversation. “You would end up more hurt than me. To me, not letting this happen is better than seeing you broken.” Watching him leave is the lesser of two evils, I could get on without the additional fear, he would get on without wondering about me. It was the best solution. 

But he refused. “No.” He simply stated, taking a step away from the door that he had his fist tightened around. Moving the loose strands of brown hair from his forehead his eyebrows contorted together, hiding the gentle yet storm inducing azure. “I don’t want to let you go, you mean too much to me.” We still kept a bit of space between us, he knew I had my guard up, he knew all of it when he decided to try. 

Yet like the rest, he too has failed. The guard remains tall and strong whilst I remain behind it, crying as I hit the brick walls wanting nothing more than to say what I want to say that is filtered through old holes in the brick walls. “If you really love me like you say you do,” Pausing for a small breath he holds onto my hands, tearing my focus from pushing my nail beds back to his face. 

The same face I met a little over a year ago at the crack of dawn when I couldn’t sleep. How odd it was to find someone, completely sober taking full advantage of the last crisp hour before the richness of a new day would arrive as I was perched by the harbour. He seemed shy, the rest were too bold. I glanced his way, not thinking anything of it as he swayed on by yet, there was no lingering bitter odour in the air. Instead it was soft, it was lighter and made my eyes follow him whilst my mind fixated on the sun breaking out. 

“Why do you have to question it? Why can’t you ever accept the fact that someone truly cares you for.” His hands slipped out of mine and instead he placed them firmly on my shoulders, gripping at the grey cloth that is too baggy on my frame. Mumbling my name under his breath I lift my head up, lock my eyes with his like it was the first time all over again.

I sat there, book in hand full of colourful tabs as he walks over, too curious as I watched him go by. We were apprehensive, but we eased into a conversation. By the time the city came to life it felt like we were old friends, yet I couldn’t talk about them, about what had happened. I still struggle to talk about the damage they left on me, the poor heart barely held together by reels of tape as emotion tries to seep through, always failing. 

“then you’ll understand, give me some time.” As my words come out the emotions seep from my voice to the tides I see in his eyes. Taking his hands off of my shoulders he clears his throat, barely able to keep his eyes on me as he looks elsewhere, anywhere. “Dan, I-”

Before I could say anything else he just sighed. It was the sigh that said what couldn’t be put into words. It said how exhausted we both felt, him from trying and me from fearing. It held all of the worry and the excitement he contemplated as he drifted off to sleep with me in his arms. A single release of breath is natural, but that felt all too forced. 

No more words were exchanged between the two of us as he walked up the stairs in silence. In the height of the white noise a single sniff could be heard from him, along with the mute sound of my heart breaking. 

If only I could tell him, explain why it is this way with me. He knew I had been hurt before, that my guard only grew with each time I was left heartbroken or humiliated. Yet now, it feels as if he’s forgotten it all. I’m not like others he’s met, I am not willing to put my all into it until I’m sure. I am sure. I just need to give my heart the memo. 

After some time I force myself up the stairs. My feet struggle to face the fabric we both despise, the rich tea shade of brown, discoloured, faded of any life. Standing on the top of the stairs I contemplate it all, what if I don’t interrupt him. What if I just, just let him go? 

The gentle yet hesitant calling of my name distracts me from my thoughts. Suddenly any idea has dissolved around me, turned into dust from the bricks that are no longer towering around me. Instead they are almost gone, I can see something if I jump, my mind is clearing. 

Facing him I glance down by his feet, a small bag packed. Half empty, things hanging out of it as he stares at my necklace. The necklace he got me, knowing how much I loved the beach, a locket with seashells etched into it. That was only a couple of months ago and I have yet to fill the locket, I simply wear it as a reminder of yet another thing I need to do for the both of us, for this to work. 

“So, this is it then?” He pipes up as I return to playing with my nails as I try to fathom a response as the bricks clear, light seeping in for the first time in too long. 

Before I have the chance to respond he brushes it off and heads down the stairs, perhaps for the last time. He hovers, back turned to me at the bottom of the stairs. I can see his shoulders rising, the tension getting to him as he pushes his hair back, another nervous tendency. “Dan?” I call out as I sit at the top of the stairs like a child waiting to be freed from the infamous naughty step. 

He turns his head, bag still in hand yet hope looms his eyes. He wants it so bad, almost as badly as I want it. My mouth hangs open as I stare at him, words try to form but my mind is still fighting to get a clear perception behind the bricks, only just passing my shoulders. I can feel the tears rising in my eyes as defeat crosses his, he turns his back and continues to walk through our home. 

As the door closes I can feel my fight weakening, stopping. Once again, I’ve given up, let myself be defeated by my own worst enemy; me. Burying my head in my hands I let the emotions flood out, with each tear that falls I see a possibility of what could’ve been. Us attempting to ski, us at friends weddings, him performing and me loving it all in the crowds out of sight. The times when we would want to sleep all day or mess about, the moments when we would start to think about pets, let it develop into ideas about our own family. 

“Do you know what?” Lifting my head I wipe my eyes as his voice returns causing my heart to force itself up from the depths of my stomach. He sounds determined as he walks through to the bottom of the stairs where he pauses, looking at me. “What you’ve been through, you don’t deserve to go through again.” He speaks slowly, pacing up each step nearing me as I wipe my eyes forcefully with my sleeve. “I can promise you, I won’t hurt you like they did, ever.” 

Three steps away. My nose runs as I sniff heavily, causing a pang to spread through my temples. I remain silent, the more I focus on him, on his words flowing out of his lips the clearer things become. 

“I will always fight for you.” Two steps. “Because.” One step. “I love you.” He kneels in front of me, his hands resting on my knees as his eyes lock with mine. “And I always will.”

“Why? I look like a mess.” I whimper as I burst out into tears all over again. 

He hushes me, lifting his hand up and cups my cheek, wiping the tears that fall with such intensity at the touch of his hand. “Mess or not,” Moving closer towards me he smiles sweetly, “I will still love you.” Whispering the last few words I gulp. 

As I focus on his eyes, the varying shades I could never picture melting in the gradient they do the wall is gone. My barriers are down. Smiling to myself I can’t help but laugh whilst his smile falters, “It’s gone.” I state, much to his confusion. “The fear, the actual sense of anxiety to be with you,” Chuckling to myself I place both my hands on his cheeks, his smile lightening like his eyes. 

“You can feel it, can’t you?” He beams and all I can do is nod, feel the honesty seep into my system. 

We remain silent for a moment until his hands move away, tracing along my arms causing goosebumps to force at the simple glide of his fingers as they covered mine. “Kiss me.” I mutter to him with a reassuring smile. A smile that finally tells him I want this, that it’s time, that I am ready for all of this. That I won’t hide anymore, I’m ready to love him, to love Dan.