#finally got around to changing my URL !!!!

[mobsplainer]

mansplainerreigen —> mobsplainer

[ltc-henry-blake]

allhailqueenant >>> ltc-henry-blake

[thankskenpenders]

The Lara-Su Chronicles: Beginnings review

The day has finally come. Many, understandably, thought we'd never get here. Maybe we shouldn't have gotten here. We've been through so much. Lawsuits, reboots, redesigns, unreleased NFTs, empty legal threats over the fact that movie Knuckles has a dad, an attempt to license out Scourge the Hedgehog to fans that immediately got canceled (in both meanings of the term), and many, MANY idiotic Twitter controversies. But now, here we are.

Thirteen years after first announcing it in the middle of his legal battles with Archie and Sega that changed the American Sonic comics forever, former writer Ken Penders has released the first part of his new series: The Lara-Su Chronicles.

Yes. I had to buy the book. I had to take one for the team. Look at the fucking URL of this blog, a blog I've been using to talk about the American Sonic comics for nearly a decade while the specter of this book loomed in the distance. The one time I've actually been paid to write an article about anything in any professional capacity, it was an article about the Penders lawsuits. I'm cited on his Wikipedia page. There was no way I was going to skip reviewing this, and there was no guarantee that scans would ever turn up online given the incredibly small audience for this trash. (Only 166 people preordered this, and even that number feels way higher than it should be.) No, I had to preorder it to ensure I could get a copy and cover it for the blog... even if that meant my name would be forever immortalized in the list of "supporters" in the back of the book. These are the sacrifices I must make as a woman who stumbled ass backwards into being an amateur Archie Sonic historian.

So, what exactly is in this book? How much of it is new? How bad is it? How did we even get here in the first place? How can this exist without Sega pursuing legal action? What happens next? And, most importantly... why are there multiple depictions of an Archie Sonic character breastfeeding in this book?

I'm here to answer those questions as best I can, and in agonizing detail.

First, for those just tuning in to this decades-long saga or those who maybe don't know the full story, here's a refresher on the background info.

"What the hell is this?"

The Lara-Su Chronicles is Ken Penders' long-dreaded long-awaited continuation of his 1994-2006 run on Archie Sonic, ignoring everything written after he left by other writers like Ian Flynn. In particular, it picks up from the cliffhanger ending of the 2003-2004 arc "Mobius: 25 Years Later," which was set in what Ken considers the definitive canonical future of the series. It stars Knuckles' daughter from that future era, Lara-Su, among other new and returning characters. The project was first announced near the start of Ken's legal battle with Archie in 2011, and he's been posting WIP previews online for about a decade. Now, after all this time, a Lara-Su Chronicles book finally exists.

We'll get to the actual contents of that book in a bit.

"He can do that without getting in trouble with Sega?"

Believe it or not, yes, he can.

Thanks to the outcome of Archie Comics' woefully mismanaged lawsuits against Ken (yes, they sued him after he started filing for copyrights, not the other way around), he now has full legal ownership of every story he wrote for Archie Sonic and every character he created for the series. This was explicitly granted to him in the terms of the settlement between him and Archie (acting on behalf of Sega). He can even reprint his old Sonic material as-is to his heart's content. The main catch is just that he can't write new stories featuring Sega characters or trademarks, and his new stories also have to be distinct from Sonic at a glance to avoid confusing readers. As such, reprints can't use Sonic iconography on the cover, a few Sega characters (mainly Knuckles) have been renamed and slightly redesigned in the new stories, and the art style has been changed to less closely resemble Sonic. But otherwise, he can do whatever he wants with his own characters.

All of this is because Archie lost the original copy of Ken's work-for-hire contract that signed over the rights to his work. Without that (or any alternative that was considered permissible in court), his comics and characters are the property of their creator by default. Yes, those old comics are full of Sega stuff, but Sega doesn't automatically own the copyright for every drawing of Sonic in existence. And Sega put their stamp of approval all over those comics and let them get sold at retail for decades, even though (in the eyes of the court) there was no legal paperwork granting them ownership of any of it. It's almost like they were unwittingly distributing a fan comic for years and declaring it a fair use of their property, and now there's no takesies backsies. It's a strange and unique copyright situation. Again, they worked all this out in the settlement. And, yes, fans have long speculated that Ken stole and destroyed his own contract to regain the rights to his work, but frankly Archie was so incompetent throughout the lawsuit (it went so bad that they had to fire and replace their lawyers midway through) that I completely buy the idea of them just losing important legal documents.

Also, in case it needs to be spelled out: while Ken's a weirdo, it's ultimately a good thing for creatives everywhere that Archie lost their lawsuit against Ken. We do not want to live in a world where corporations can claim ownership of peoples' work without the contracts to back it up. That would be an incredibly dangerous legal precedent to set. And more comic creators, and artists in general, should own their own work! Corporations are not your friend! They'll delete your work for a tax write-off in a heartbeat! It's just bewildering that this guy, of all people, was the creator who ended up successfully getting his shit back, and that this is what he's doing with it.

"What about his old collaborators? Are they involved? Is he paying them?"

Ken is mostly doing The Lara-Su Chronicles solo, though he has, in fact, talked about compensating the artists involved in any material he's reprinting. The ones who give enough of a shit to get paid for a small scale reprint of something they did 20 years ago, anyway.

On the subject of his collaborators, it's also worth pointing out that Ken's wasn't the only contract that was lost. Most of the early Archie Sonic writers from before Ian Flynn's time seem to be in the same boat as Ken, with the ownership of their stories and characters defaulting back to them. Again, Archie fucked up big time. But like I said, most of them don't really seem to give a shit. For most of them, Sonic was just a random temporary gig they took to pay the bills while Marvel was busy going bankrupt in the '90s, not the thing that defined their entire careers.

The only other Archie Sonic contributor who's tried to do anything on the level of what Ken is doing was writer and editor Scott Fulop. In 2016 he attempted to sue Archie for the unauthorized use of what are now retroactively considered his copyrighted characters and stories, and he even announced a standalone comic about his most famous Sonic character, the recurring villain Mammoth Mogul (sort of a pastiche of DC's Vandal Savage and Marvel's Kingpin, with wizard powers added for spice). However, Fulop lost his lawsuit because he didn't put together a particularly compelling case. Since then he seems to have wiped all traces of his ill-advised Mammoth Mogul comic and his company, Narrative Ark Entertainment, from the internet. For now, this leaves The Lara-Su Chronicles the only project of its kind.

"What about those other Archie Sonic reprints he just announced?"

At the time of writing, Ken is once again claiming that he's trying to get the band back together to reprint all of Archie Sonic, now under the bad new banner "Floating Island Productions: MOBIAN LINE" that I can't imagine he consulted literally anyone else on.

So, like, look. As we've established, Ken can reprint his own stories. And if he can work something out with the other contributors whose contracts were lost, he can print their work, too. But there is no fucking way he's getting his hands on Ian Flynn's run, which Sega undoubtedly holds the copyright for. Even if they don't, Ian needs to maintain a good working relationship with both Sega and IDW if he's to keep his job, so he'd never go for this. Not to mention that Ian and Ken just... don't get along! Ken's whole plan here seems to be predicated on IDW going out of business (a thing he REALLY wants to happen) and freeing up the Sonic comic license, after which he knocks on Sega's door and goes "hey I've still got dirt on you guys," blackmailing them into giving him the Sonic license back so that he can reprint the later comics. Every step of this plan is ludicrous. It's never gonna happen.

He's been saying he wants to reprint the whole series for a few years now, though. This isn't really anything new. And despite his lofty plans that set Sonic Twitter ablaze, he quickly backpedaled. The only specific things in the works right now are a "two-volume omnibus" of all of his Knuckles stories and a collection of artist Scott Shaw's work on the very early Archie Sonic issues, since they're on good terms with each other. I have no idea how Ken plans on packaging these when he can't put any Sega characters or the Freedom Fighters on the covers, but these projects are small enough in scale that there's a decent chance they'll see the light of day. Scott Shaw only did like five issues. But anything beyond that? I'll believe it when I see it.

Or, y'know, this could've all just been a publicity stunt for his new book. I wouldn't put it past him. Let's just focus on the book that actually exists.

"So he finally did it? He made a whole Lara-Su book? It's out? He finished it??"

Yes and no.

The book that's out now is The Lara-Su Chronicles: Beginnings, a prologue for the series of seven graphic novels Ken somehow plans on making, even though it's taken him 13 years to put out literally anything new. I don't know whether or not this counts as book one of seven, because it only features 30 pages of new comics. 30.5 if I'm being generous.

Most of the book is actually just a reprint of his infamous Archie Sonic storyline "Mobius: 25 Years Later", which ran from issue #131 to #144 in 2003-2004. (Again, yes, he can reprint this, he just can't put Sonic on the cover.) Why's it infamous? Well, Ken had been building anticipation for this future era of the series for basically his entire run. We kept seeing King Sonic and Queen Sally from the future. Knuckles' entire backstory hinges on his dad having a vision of this future. Several years before Silver the Hedgehog was created, it was Lara-Su who was Sonic's equivalent to Future Trunks, the cool-looking child of one of the main characters who traveled back in time to try and prevent a dark future. Believe it or not, yes, there was hype for Lara-Su. And then we finally got M25YL, and none of that cool stuff happened. Instead it really ended up being about how unbearably boring the middle aged Sonic, Knuckles, Sally, and co. are in this peaceful future where Robotnik is dead and they're all married with kids, forced into traditional nuclear family gender roles. Lara-Su is present, but she mostly just does generic teen girl stuff and complains about how Knuckles won't let her do anything even though she REALLY wants to be the new Guardian of Angel Island, like, super bad! Come on, dad!!!

In its original printing, this meandering arc ended on an abrupt time travel cliffhanger that Ken was never able to follow up on before he left Archie in 2006. This new printing slightly changes that ending, using the unresolved timey-wimey shenanigans as a convenient excuse to alter the entire timeline. This creates the slightly different world of The Lara-Su Chronicles, where the few relevant Sega-owned characters have been replaced and everyone is ten times uglier.

After this, we finally get two short new stories picking up where M25YL left off: "The Storm," starring Acorn Kingdom super-spy and known creep Geoffrey St. John, and an early release of the first chapter of The Lara-Su Chronicles: Shattered Tomorrows, the first full TLSC graphic novel.

And now that we're all on the same page about what we're looking at, let's actually talk about the book!

The cover

Let's start by beating a dead horse. The cover art: it's still bad! But why is it bad?

The cover is, of course, based on Patrick Spaziante's cover from Archie Sonic #131, the start of the "Mobius: 25 Years Later" arc. (Ken did the layout for that cover, though, so in the eyes of the law he's the original creator who owns that cover.) That cover was, itself, a tribute to the iconic cover of Giant-Size X-Men #1 by Gil Kane and Dave Cockrum, the issue that introduced the version of the team with Wolverine, Storm, Nightcrawler, etc.

Ken seems to have forgotten that the point of both these covers was to hype up the arrival of a new cast of characters. The new guys are supposed to make a dramatic entrance front and center. That's the focal point. Meanwhile, the cover for Beginnings has the old timeline versions of the cast from Archie Sonic dramatically bursting out of a shattered crystal ball, while their new counterparts look on in mild bemusement - if they're even bothering to look at all, since most of the characters here are just copied and pasted from their profile pages. That's just not how you do this particular homage! The point is supposed to be "out with the old, in with the new." And why are they using a crystal ball to view the past? Hell, why are they even using a crystal ball at all? The original arc was presented as a magical vision of the future courtesy of Tails' uncle Merlin (don't ask), but the new story leans all the way into being futuristic sci-fi.

Of course, there is no real artistic intent at play here. The old versions of the characters are placed front and center in the crystal ball simply because Ken traced over Spaziante's original art of Lara-Su and Julie-Su (the only two characters on the Sonic cover he owns) and threw out the rest, ruining the composition in the process. Look at the awkward empty space where Sonic, Sally, and Rotor once were, and the new drawing of The Character Formerly Known As Knuckles who's no longer properly centered between his wife and daughter. Even if Ken can claim ownership of the cover because he did the original layout, this all just feels scummy and lame.

And, yeah, if it needs to be said, the new characters and Ken's new rendering style look like absolute fucking dogshit. Putting new Lara-Su directly next to old Lara-Su does her no favors. The shattered glass effect looks absolutely atrocious. I could go on, but we'll have plenty of time to talk about the art style when we see how bad the stories inside look.

Changes to "Mobius: 25 Years Later"

Overall, 99% of M25YL is presented identically to its original printing. Sonic, Sally, Knuckles, et al. are still present with no changes to their names and no tweaks to the art. Even the original cover for issue #131 is included only a few pages into this book with its Archie, Sonic, and Sega logos still intact and everything. Again, because of the weird copyright situation described above, these preexisting comics can be released without any changes.

There is exactly one bizarre change to the art, though, where a hand drawn shot of Angel Island is replaced with an unfitting photo background and the ugly Floating Island photobash that Ken has been using as his personal logo for decades. I think he only did this as part of a test for his motion comic app that nobody asked for. I don't know why this had to make it into the print version. It's like the book is firing a warning shot for what's to come if you keep reading.

The new content begins on the final page of M25YL. In the original wet fart of a cliffhanger ending, Sonic and co. accidentally alter the timeline with an old time machine of Robotnik's and Lara-Su begins to fade away. Then, after everything goes white, we just cut to the present day heroes going "gee, you ever think about the future?" In this new printing, that last bit has been cut, and the rest of the page has been awkwardly shrunk down so that Ken can fit in a new panel. We now see the hands of an off-screen villain, seemingly named "Override," proclaiming that "the Praetorian" (Knuckles) has messed up the timeline again and that they'll finally get their revenge.

Who is this Override? I have no fucking clue. The new stories in this book make no mention of them. You have to buy the next book to find out.

My confusion over the identity of this villain overlaps with another big problem: name changes. So many names and nouns have been arbitrarily changed in The Lara-Su Chronicles, even ones Ken didn't have to change for copyright reasons, and I only know what half of them are replacing because Ken's been tweeting about this shit for years.

The echidnas are now a totally original alien race called "the Echyd'nya." Even in flashbacks to events from M25YL attempting to mimic the old art style, if it's on a new comic page, they're gonna call themselves "Echyd'nya." Evil echidna faction the Dark Legion is now the "Cyberdark Dominion," hailing from the "Cyberdark Colony." The Brotherhood of Guardians is still the Brotherhood of Guardians, but now the main guardian is called "The Praetorian." Angel Island is still called "The Floating Island," like it was in the older Archie comics, but it's ALSO sometimes called "Avion"? When I read this I wasn't sure if he had randomly renamed Albion, the other echidna city from the Archie comics. But no. Now we have an Albion AND an Avion. Sally is mentioned simply as "Princess Acorn," while Sonic is referenced once as an unnamed "blue-spined Erinaceinae," using the scientific name for hedgehog to make it sound more sci-fi. In an incredibly ballsy move, Ken even mentions Robotnik as "the Insurrectionist Kintobor," retaining his original surname from the Archie comics that's just "Robotnik" backwards. Guess Sega never trademarked that one.

Aside from every name change being a downgrade, this leads to confusion when you're not sure if something is supposed to be new, or if it's just an Archie thing you're supposed to recognize despite having a new name and design. Is "Override" someone I'm supposed to know already? Am I just supposed to have read a fucking tweet from Ken where he said he changed the name of some existing villain to "Override"? The answer is no, but I had to term search his Twitter just to verify this.

Moving on!

New story #1: "The Storm"

If you've been following the WIPs, this is that story about Geoffrey St. John that Ken's been posting previews of for almost a decade. The title page copyright dates it to 2015, and that absurdly long gestation is probably why the art is so inconsistent here. Even the style of speech bubbles and the font change between pages two and three.

This is a problem when there's supposed to be a deliberate and noticeable change in art style here signaling the moment where the time travel stuff alters the timeline, replacing the Archie Sonic world with the Lara-Su Chronicles world. If you don't already know that's what's going on, the idea isn't conveyed clearly at all. It just goes from one hideous art style to a slightly different one with no explanation.

The main problem here is that Ken has hitched his wagon to a franchise about anthropomorphic animals when he can't draw furries to save his life. (Though a bit later in the book we'll also begin to wonder if he can even still draw humans.) He's shifted away from the cartooniness of the original designs and given them more human proportions and facial features, but this just ends up making them look incredibly uncanny and lumpy and gross. With some designs he's trying to lean into more of a Star Trek alien vibe, but then he still insists upon retaining the giant Sonic eyes on most characters even though he has no idea how to make them emote.

The rendering of these godawful designs doesn't do them any favors, either. Ken's going for more of a painterly look now, but it almost seems as though he's shading everything with Photoshop's burn and dodge tools that are designed to darken and lighten select areas of a photo. The result is a muddy, smudgy look that makes it feel like the color layer has been smeared in vaseline. And it only looks worse after coming off of 14 chapters of M25YL that have way more palatable art.

The backgrounds, too, are a complete mess, a jumble of low res jpeg photo elements (sometimes with extremely noticeable pixelation), stock textures, and smooth digital gradients. There's no real sense of place here, and it gives everything a surreal, dreamlike quality when you can't really tell where anything is supposed to take place. This first story is seemingly set in a high-tech stronghold below Castle Acorn called "the Bunker," but it could just as easily be confused for the bridge of a spaceship. This whole story features characters speaking to each other over floating video displays and hologram projectors from three different locations, but without a hologram effect and without a clear sense of where the characters are it often feels like they're just in the same room as each other. Characters will be in one location on one photo background, and then the camera angle changes and they're in a completely different place, because Ken just uses mismatched photos off of the internet. It's been like 25 years since he first tried using photo backgrounds in the Archie comics and he hasn't gotten any better at it.

When I had my boyfriend read the book to see if it made literally any sense to him (it didn't), Anthony said this: "This is the kind of shit I'd see linked on a Second Life world that hasn't been touched since 2004." I think he really hit the nail on the head. Now, there's actually a contrarian part of me that thinks that might theoretically almost be kind of cool, in sort of a messy counterculture way. I love weird indie shit. I was a Homestuck reader! But this isn't a scrappy mixed media zine, or experimental outsider art from someone just messing around with Photoshop, or a loving throwback to weird old internet art, or even something intentionally bizarre and offputting like Xavier: Renegade Angel or a PilotRedSun video or whatever where the fact that it's weird and ugly is part of the humor. This is supposed to be a sincere sci-fi epic drawing on Star Trek and Jack Kirby comics, made by a guy who's been drawing comics professionally since the '80s. This is supposed to look good. This is supposed to compete with mainstream comics that are on sale right now. He thinks any day now IDW's gonna go out of business and Sega will come crawling back to him so that he can stamp the Sonic logo on shit like this. It just doesn't work.

But, okay. It's ugly. We knew it would be ugly. But that ugliness would be much easier to accept if it was in service of an otherwise genuinely good story. So what about the writing? After all this time, how does Ken choose to kick off this new saga? Well, credit where credit's due. "The Storm" feels like a proper continuation of Ken's writing style from M25YL.

Because it's eleven pages of characters standing around and talking while nothing fucking happens.

Here's the synopsis: A dog woman named Brownie, an ensign in the Royal Secret Service fresh out of training and the only character who's almost cute, walks up to Geoffrey to deliver a report. He's immediately suspicious of her, asking who let her in and if she's a spy for Elias (Sally's brother, if you're new here) or Alicia (Sally's mom). The art style suddenly shifts when the timeline is altered, but the scene continues uninterrupted. Geoffrey points a gun at Brownie when she won't say whose spy she is. Geoffrey is distracted by a call and proceeds to have a conversation via a mix of holograms and video screens with Remington (head of Echidnaopolis security), Spectre (Knuckles' great great great great great grandpa, the one with the helmet who always looks evil), and a new scientist character named Dr. Zephyr/Zephur. (The spelling of this character's name changes multiple times throughout the 11-page story, because I guess nine years wasn't enough time to spellcheck this shit.) They say a bunch of made up technobabble nonsense about how it looks like the timeline was just altered and Knuckles and co. seem to be involved. It's complete drivel that I'm not even going to try to make sense of. Everyone decides to investigate further, and the conversation ends. Brownie tells Geoffrey she's his spy, then walks out and implies she's actually Alicia's spy in her inner monologue.

To be continued!!!

Yes, that's it. It's really just a bunch of technobabble where some characters talk about how it seems like the timeline has been fucked with. That's it. The whole time Geoffrey doesn't even get up out of his damn chair, which he's of course sitting in backwards to show how cool he is. It's just 11 pages of Geoffrey sitting in a chair and talking to people and looking uglier than he's ever looked. Nothing happens. Nine years for this.

I'm also struck by how meaningless all of this is to anyone who hasn't read Archie Sonic. The added context from M25YL may help a little, but "The Storm" focuses on characters who weren't in that arc, and the story does very little to introduce who any of them are. Brownie could've been super useful as an inexperienced point of view character who's only meeting the others for the first time here, but instead she's really just a passive observer who's here as part of some kind of 4D chess game between Geoffrey and Alicia, an off-screen character whose motivations in this era of the story are completely unknown to even returning readers. Who are the good guys and bad guys here? What are the conflicts and the stakes of the story moving forward? What do these characters want? Basic questions like this aren't really answered. I can't imagine a new reader being able to make heads or tails of this. Hell, I can't really imagine a returning reader who hasn't been following the last decade's worth of Ken's tweets about this story making heads or tails of it, either.

...Maybe more will happen in the next story?

New story #2: Shattered Tomorrows preview chapter

After another message from Ken, the story of The Lara-Su Chronicles proper begins with the redesigned Lara-Su walking along a jpeg photograph beach at sunset and crying while thinking about how Knuckles - sorry, his name is K'Nox now - is dead.

Yep! Straight into the dad stuff!

Look, I'm the last person to complain about writers getting super personal and drawing from their own baggage in their writing, but Ken's just no fucking good at it. There's no nuance, nothing interesting to say. He just keeps writing mediocre-to-horrible dads whose misdeeds are always justified by their "good intentions," and then sometimes they die and their kids are like "we may have fought but actually you were the bestest dad ever and I'll miss you forever, I'll never be able to fill your shoes!"

This is the only part of the new material here that feels like it has any heart behind it, because I know how much his complex relationship with his late deadbeat father means to Ken (there's an author's note in this outright saying as much). But the guy died 42 years ago, and it doesn't feel like Ken has had any new thoughts about this part of his life in those four decades. He's just not an introspective or self-aware enough artist to actually mine his personal baggage for anything beyond "father knows best."

Anyway, so then it jumps forward in time(?) and now we're following this human guy who looks like this.

Previously, Ken got a lot of shit for literally just using the likeness of Anthony Mackie for this guy, based on his IMDB profile photo. Ken has thus redesigned the character... and by that I mean I think he looks more like Ernie Hudson now? Ken's clearly just working off of photo references (if not straight up tracing), given his face is the most detailed and realistic-looking thing on any page where he's present.

But you may be wondering: who is this, and why is he here? Well, for one, he's here to run around in front of some low res space photos while making trite references to things like Planet of the Apes and Star Trek. Haha, he makes a joke about red shirts! Original!! But beyond that, Commander Mykhal Taelor (yes, that's really how he chose to spell it) is a human... from Earth! Archie Sonic readers are probably confused, because in those comics Mobius is Earth in the distant post-apocalyptic future. Well, despite being a Planet of the Apes fan, Ken always hated that particular worldbuilding decision from Karl Bollers, always preferring to think of Mobius as a separate alien planet. And now he gets to make that canon in his own stories and throw out Karl's ideas. So Mobius is basically just, like, a Star Trek planet now, with its own alien creatures that sometimes just so happen to look like anthropomorphic Earth animals.

Also, at one point Taelor wonders if the inhabitants of the dead Mobius might have been human, and the alien ally he's talking to over the radio says it's unlikely. "I don't understand why your kind has a problem understanding you're a minority within a minority." Perhaps poor wording for a line said to the only Black character in the story.

Anyway, Commander Taelor here seems to have discovered the uninhabited husk of Mobius after the vague time-space cataclysm everyone was worried about in M25YL has come to pass, and he finds an audio log from Lara-Su that I presume will explain what happened. I guess those are the titular Lara-Su Chronicles. In theory this flash forward establishes some sense of pressing danger, but when the threat to the planet is so unclear and technobabble-y it just kind of lands with a thud.

It doesn't take long before we get back to Lara-Su being sad about her dad. A good little chunk of the chapter is spent with this new timeline's Lara-Su recalling moments in her life, including echoes of the original Lara-Su's memories from M25YL, which feels redundant coming hot off the heels of a straight reprint of that entire arc. And boy, for anyone who read the later Archie Sonic comics, the protagonist having vague memories of the old version of the series from before a lawsuit-related timeline reboot sure does sound familiar, huh?

The art inconsistency somehow becomes even worse in this story, with Ken flip-flopping on whether or not he wants to use outlines, with the no-outline art managing to look even worse by relying entirely on Ken's awful rendering. By this point in the book, readers are also likely to start noticing how often Ken reuses art from previous panels. This is a shortcut that tons of comic artists use, of course. Invincible famously did a joke about this. It's often understandable. But, again... it sure does stand out in a book that took 13 years to make with only 30 pages of new art. Amusingly, Ken even manages to combine his inconsistency and recycling problems by reusing the same art with and without outlines. And, of course, any time Ken tries to draw the Archie era designs it's just... the worst.

And, yes, it's in this dreamlike montage sequence of Lara-Su's life that we get...

The uncomfortable family nudity scene, followed by the dual timeline Julie-Su breastfeeding scene.

Yeah, you might have heard about this one already. If this incredibly eerie presentation of Lara-Su's hazy memories of the two different timelines make it hard to tell what's going on, don't worry. There's another, clearer version later in the book as part of Julie-Su's character profile, because I guess Ken was just so proud of it.

(I censored these myself because I'm not playing Russian roulette with Tumblr's inconsistent nudity rules and risking getting banned lmao)

Like, okay. Is a mother breastfeeding her child really that shocking of a thing to see in a story? No, not at all. But, like... when it's two characters who you previously created for an officially licensed Sonic the Hedgehog comic for 7-year-olds... and some of those officially licensed Sonic the Hedgehog comics for 7-year-olds are reprinted in the same book... and when it's drawn like this... yeah, it's kind of a shocker.

It just looks so unnatural. Julie-Su is posed very deliberately so that you'll see both of her breasts, and in the new timeline version she's barely even holding Lara-Su so you can really get a good look at her supermodel body, showing zero physical signs that she just gave birth. Most people will immediately jump to this being Ken putting his fetishes in his work (a type of criticism that I'm incredibly tired of - it's 2024, all the cool artists are blatantly putting their fetishes in their work now). And my immediate response is that, no, this is probably just Ken trying to come off as really mature on a surface level, a thing he's been obsessed with since the Archie days. Free from the shackles of writing a licensed children's comic, of course he's going to jump immediately into depicting some nonsexual, artistic nudity to try and prove he's A Real Mature Artist For Grown-Ups who just thinks the human body is beautiful and breastfeeding shouldn't be a taboo etc. etc.

But then, like. You look at some of the other character designs. Like Espio's daughter Salma, who's now this horrifying alien lizard person who's always nude, and her scale pattern puts scales exactly where her nipples should be. Or you look at his comments about the Echyd'nya age of consent. Or you look at how he keeps drawing Lara-Su in this. Like, does the shuttle really need this, like... reverse chaise lounge thing in the cockpit? So that we can keep getting these shots of the 16-year-old Lara-Su lying on her stomach and posing with one of her legs kicked up, her naked ass in plain view?

The vibe isn't great, is what I'm saying!

I'm not going to try to ascribe authorial intent here. I don't know. I'm not a psychic. Given his very blatant reliance on photo references elsewhere in the book, it's entirely possible he just referenced some figure drawing photos that were maybe just a little too sexy. And also, he's an American comic book artist, and a boomer one at that. Those guys tend to draw women a certain way, even when it's not supposed to be sexual. I don't fucking know. It just sucks. I'm not gonna make some hyperbolic statement about how this makes him a literal pedophile who should be in jail, but it is deeply offputting and objectifying.

But if you already knew about the nursing scenes and were hoping there was some other really shocking stuff in there for me to talk about in this review, sorry to disappoint, but nope. That's the only shockingly weird new thing in here. Once again, not a lot happens in this story, and what does happen is pretty boring.

Once we get past the recap stuff and the human guy, the plot developments boil down to this: The timeline was altered at the end of M25YL... but not as much as you might think. In the new timeline, Knuckles ("K'Nox"), Cobar (now looking significantly younger), and Rotor (now a rhino just called "The Emissary") still traveled via shuttle to go find a time machine in the Badlands and fix the time-space continuum, like in the climax of the original arc. This time, though, Sonic wasn't there, and Lara-Su came along without having to stow away. Lara-Su watches the ship while the grown ups go deal with the time machine, and then after a couple panels Not Rotor comes back with Cobar and is like "Hey, Cobar got hurt, we gotta leave. Dunno what happened to your dad." And then they just, like. Presume that Knuckles must have died. Even though we have no idea what happened to him. And then they just fly away. And then Lara-Su is sad that her dad died.

And that's pretty much it!

This is supposed to be a really emotional sequence - it's literally the scene where Lara-Su learns that Knuckles is dead - but instead it comes off as unintentionally funny because of how poorly it's portrayed. Not showing Knuckles' actual disappearance is a huge misstep, for one, making his uncertain fate more confusing and anticlimactic than dramatic. But also, Ken keeps just using the same two drawings of Rotor for two pages, so he doesn't really seem to be emoting at all, and he's in this spacey hazmat suit that honestly just makes him look like fucking Moltar from Space Ghost. So the whole time I'm just reading his dialogue in Moltar's deadpan voice as he's like "I dunno. We did what we could. Anyway, let's leave."

After this, we get a two-page spread previewing the rest of the story from Shattered Tomorrows. It's basically like a trailer in comic form. It has one of the most mystifying layouts I've ever seen in a comic book. I have no idea what order I'm supposed to read this in.

Yeah, I kinda have a feeling this is the full extent of what Ken has drawn for the rest of that book. I'd love to be wrong, but I fear that I'm right.

Bonus material: Data files

These are mostly very dull, recapping a lot of events shared between Ken's Archie run and the new Lara-Su Chronicles timeline. It seems like almost his entire run is still considered canon to the backstory of the new timeline, just with some names changed, and things only really diverge at the climax of M25YL. But I'll share the interesting stuff here.

Lara-Su

The main thing you'll notice in Lara-Su's profile is the massive, unreadable wall of text where Ken felt the need to list the entire Knuckles family tree, split across both pages.

This is literally so long that Lara-Su's personal history has to awkwardly cut off mid-sentence and be continued on the final page of the book, after the rest of the data files.

Also, please note that this list gives Julie-Su's mom's full name as Mari-Su of the House of Atrades. Incredible on all levels.

There's also a reference to the dark timeline Lara-Su was originally supposed to come from. You know, the one where Julie-Su is the leader of a rebel movement fighting against a Knuckles who had gone mad with power? The timeline that would have been way more interesting than the one in M25YL? Here it seems to have been written off as the result of another "timeline disruption." Lara-Su allegedly has vague memories of this timeline, in the same way that she has vague memories of the M25YL timeline.

Geoffrey

Geoffrey's bio mostly recaps events from the Archie comics, which means the Sonic/Sally/Geoffrey love triangle has to be alluded to. His rivalry with Sonic is described like this:

"He would later resurface when Kintobor was transporting his latest hi-tech weapon, the Dynamac-3000. It was during that mission he discovered a rival for the Princess' affections. Whereas the Princess would be one of a line of conquests where St. John was concerned, the blue-spined Erinaceinae who protested doth a bit too much regarding his affections for the Princess for St. John's taste would prove to be a source of great sport and amusement."

Yes. It's gross. Saying that Geoffrey saw Sally as "one of a line of conquests" is gross. Ken writing this and then still treating Geoffrey as the coolest badass ever is gross. The "Princess Acorn" is also first on the list of Geoffrey's "female relationships" elsewhere in his bio, though I suppose how much of a "relationship" they had is left vague. Honestly, at this point the fact that Ken didn't explicitly confirm that Geoffrey took the underage Sally's virginity in the book comes off as a display of restraint. The bar couldn't be any lower, I know.

Remington

His bio is, frankly, shockingly long for such a minor character, though I guess he does get a large portion of the word salad dialogue in "The Storm." There's a lot of stuff here about how the identities of his biological parents are shrouded in mystery, a plot point that fans have long speculated Ken just straight up forgot about in his time at Archie. (Ian confirmed that Kragok from the Dark Legion was Remington's dad, though, so this isn't really much of a mystery.)

Lien-Da

She gets a bio even though she's not present in the two new stories, just so we get to look at her awful new design and compare it to how Steven Butler drew her earlier in the book:

Commander Taelor

We get to see two drawings of him with the same exact Ernie Hudson face side by side! That's fun.

Julie-Su

She gets a list of "known friends," but the only character listed is Knuckles' mom. Poor Julie-Su.

Also, Ken feels the need to reiterate that Knuckles and Julie-Su are still distant cousins. He made a whole new timeline where he can change whatever details he wants, but THAT had to remain canon. Thanks, Ken.

And then after the data files we get the special thanks page, listing everyone who preordered the book and/or bought TLSC merch from Ken.

With my name on the list. Because I had to buy a copy to cover it for the blog.

My name is on the very next page right after the breastfeeding panel in Julie-Su's data file.

Yep. He got me.

Is it at least a well put together book? Like, in terms of manufacturing quality?

Its physical quality is... fine. It's a nice, sturdy hardcover. The print quality seems fine, though mine does have a bit of smudging from some sort of printing error on one page. The pages don't seem like they'll fall out on me. The image quality is crisp. The colors are vibrant. This is a low bar, but this is one of the few places where I'm able to give this book anything resembling praise.

The formatting and graphic design work, on the other hand...

(I didn't crumple those page corners, it came like that.)

For one, the placement and sizes of the M25YL pages is inconsistent, largely due to the fact that the book doesn't actually match the proportions of a comic. A lot of pages aren't properly centered vertically. Some pages go all the way up to the top edge of the paper, while others leave a visible gap of about half a centimeter. Every page has a 1cm gap to its left and right, which is sometimes filled in with a solid color or gradient that doesn't quite match the page it's surrounding. I have to assume Ken didn't have any sort of source files or original artwork to work off of, as those ideally would've had more generous bleed to account for slight shifts in printing. It kind of seems like he just got the highest resolution versions he could find of the digital releases online and printed those. The colors are a dead ringer for the digital versions, which have always looked slightly more saturated and pastel than they did in print.

I can't say this bodes well for his further plans for Archie Sonic reprints - sorry, Mobian Line reprints. If they ever come out, please, for the love of god, do not buy those. I don't care how much you love Archie Sonic, they aren't going to be good reprints. For comparison, IDW's similarly priced hardcover Sonic collections have none of these formatting problems, because they're made by people who know what they're doing with access to the actual source files.

The book also has its fair share of text-focused pages, split between the data files and messages directly from Ken about the history of his career and this project, and these are formatted in the most amateurish way possible. Just massive walls of Arial text over either plain white backgrounds, simple gradients, or faded photos. I've seen school yearbooks with better graphic design. Even ignoring my subjective feelings about the art and stories within, this book does not feel like it's worth $36 USD.

It's frankly shocking how shabby he let this thing look considering it's supposed to be his baby. And doesn't that really sum it all up?

Closing thoughts

Obviously, I did not expect this to be any good. But I'm still left kind of dumbfounded by it.

I think what really strikes me about it is that Ken had a blank check to do whatever he wanted here. He got an opportunity many writers would kill for when he gained complete ownership of his most famous work. He's free from the limitations of a monthly licensed comic book for children, free to make whatever creative decisions he wants without editors or other writers or Sega to worry about, free to completely reinvent the series to his heart's content and finally tell the story of his dreams. And with that opportunity and 13 years of his time, he made... this. A direct continuation of "Mobius: 25 Years Later" that barely changes anything about the characters or world beyond their awful new designs, even though much of the word count is spent rambling about how the timeline has changed. A story that makes zero concessions for new readers, or even returning readers who don't already have the last decade's worth of Ken's tweets explaining his creative decisions burned into their memory. 30 pages where nothing really happens and the story barely moves forward an inch despite the decades-long wait - but maybe something will happen if you buy the next book!

Who is this for? Maybe this really is a project for no one but Ken. Maybe he just really, really wants to finish the story he started, a story that's personal to him due to the family history it evokes, and the number of people who enjoy it or buy it beyond that is irrelevant. I think that many of the best artists are incredibly self-indulgent ones working with that exact mindset, artists whose enthusiasm for their own work jumps off the page or screen. So, if that's the case, then why the fuck isn't he telling the damn story? What's stopping him? Why is he still spinning his wheels? Where is that passion for his own work? Because it sure as hell isn't there on the page. There's a huge part of me that really wishes I could say "Man, what a weirdo, but you do you, Ken. You tell your weird little story." But there's barely any story here. It's like he loves styling himself as a storyteller, but he's terrified of finally having to actually tell a story after all this time. He's still stuck in the exact same mode of writing he was in almost 30 years ago when he was doing 6-page backup stories about Knuckles, just killing time and stringing readers along until he's eventually able to truly realize his vision. If not now, then when, Ken?

Even the back cover blurb is mostly just a dry recap of the history of this thing. It was a Sonic comic, the original arc was published in these issues, it went unfinished, Ken left Archie, the lawsuits happened, now he's continuing the story. There's nothing about why anyone should give a shit about this as its own story, even though Ken has spent years trying in vain to convince people TLSC is its own beast that shouldn't be judged as a Sonic story. I think deep down he knows that there's no pitch for this beyond the novelty of it originating from Sonic. And that's why, despite declaring that he'd leave the site, he's still on Twitter riling up Sonic fans. It's the only attention he gets at this point.

Maybe this is too harsh when those 30 pages of new comics are just intended as a preview for the "real" book. But the elephant in the room is that we have no idea if that "real" book will ever actually come out, let alone the entire series of seven graphic novels that will supposedly complete this saga.

Ken is undeniably a complete jackass and all around unpleasant, vindictive person who's rightly become an industry pariah. He's a self-proclaimed paragon of progressive values who'll send Comicsgaters after his successors for the crime of not worshiping the ground he walks on, and then turn around and announce he's going to reprint their work without even consulting them. He's a sore winner who already won his copyright battle on a level most comic writers would never dare to dream of, and yet still won't truly be satisfied until he sees an entire major comic publisher go out of business, putting god knows how many people out of work, because he thinks this would get him back the license to a video game franchise he doesn't even like.

But I still have to pity him.

As an artist, the trajectory of his life is my nightmare. I think all of us fear dying before we can tell all the stories we want to tell. There's simply never enough time to do everything. And here's Ken in his 60s, talking about how he's still planning on making his magnum opus all by himself out of stubbornness and pride, despite demonstrably proving he can't handle the workload, and also talking about how if he dies before the project can be finished he'll have to pass the torch on to his kids and get them to finish it for him. It's so grim. Even just typing that sends a shiver down my spine. It took nine years of his limited time on Earth to finish and release an 11-page comic about Geoffrey St. John sitting backwards in a chair.

This is a purgatory of his own creation. And yet... I'm not sure he's ever been prouder. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

I guess if I want people to take anything away from this review, it's this:

Lesson one: If you're an artist or writer of some kind, or an aspiring creator, don't wait around. No one else is going to tell your story for you. Start writing that novel. Start drawing that webcomic. Start making that game. If Penders can put out this damn book that no one asked for after 13 years of work, then proudly proclaim that he's still going to make six or seven more books and also reprint hundreds of comics he doesn't have all of the rights to, then show up to cons with that foul Lara-Su Chronicles: Shattered Tomorrows banner and sit in front of it beaming with pride, fully aware of his critics but saying "fuck 'em, I know I'm hot shit," then you can do fucking anything. Tell the weird, sincere, cringe story of your dreams. If Ken Penders doesn't have imposter syndrome, then nobody should.

And lesson two: Don't buy Ken's books.

[thisisourlovestory]

Safe and Sound

Finnick Odair x reader soulmate AU

Summary: you are a victor from district 4. The Quarter Quell has just been announced. How will you cope with the turn of events coming your way.

Wordcount- 3.9k

Notes- okay so this has taken a lot longer than I thought it would but it’s here now finally. And I have changed my url so I’m sorry if you thought this was some random person tagging you

Chapter 6

I woke up the next morning sprawled across my bed and tangled in the sheets. I stumbled up and made my way into the dining area, only bothering to wrap a dressing gown around myself so as to not expose my arms. Unfortunately Lysander greeted me much too cheerfully the second I stepped foot in the room, with a wide grin and loud words.

“Good morning!” He trilled. “Sit, sit and eat. You have an important day ahead of you.” I slumped down into a seat and grabbed an apple, biting into the crisp red skin and sinking my teeth deep into its flesh.

“So what did you get up to with the lovely Megara last night?” He inquired as an avox served him a plate of toast piled with eggs and cheese and ham. I judged his choice in food for a moment and then almost snorted as his words registered in my mind. He certainly wasn't being subtle at all I thought as Finnick and Mags entered and seated themselves. I took another bite out of my apple and grinned.

I stepped out of the bathroom in a pair of silk pyjama shorts and a loose top. Megara was sprawled across my bed, shovelling ice cream into her mouth as fast as physically possible. She noticed me and smacked the bed.

“Sit.” I sat. “Now spill. You and Finnick flipping Odair.” I sighed.

“Pass me a cupcake. No, not that one. No, no, yes. Thanks.” I peeled the case off and bit into it, the rich chocolate and caramel spreading across my tongue. “I found out when I first got it.” I showed her my wrist and she inspected it closely. “We were, well we were friends I suppose. After I won that is. I saw his once, it was an accident. I don’t think anyone else really knows he even had one.” I took another bite of my cupcake. “We kinda stuck together for a couple of years. He helped me through the aftermath and the nightmares and everything.” She looked at me curiously.

“So what happened?”

“Annie Cresta happened. When she won everything changed. You know how the boy she went in with that year was decapitated and she lost it?”

“Everyone knows, though the Capitol tries to brush over it.” I laughed quietly.

“Well when she came back she was absolutely broken. She couldn’t function by herself. So Finnick helped her. At first I knew it was necessary, she probably would have offed herself otherwise, but the days passed to weeks and weeks to months. He had just,” I breathed, “He had just left me and gone to her.”

Megara's mouth opened in a shocked expression.

“You would’ve been fifteen?”

“Almost sixteen.”

“And he just, what, abandoned you?” I shrugged.

“Love is weird. It comes and goes at the most unexpected of times and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.” She placed a hand on her forehead.

“Okay, sorry for interrupting. Please continue.”

“The nightmares came back, I spiralled, I spent I think two months here. Doing shows, staying as far away from them as I could. I mainly talked to Effie and Haymitch.” I smiled fondly. “They were really something. Always bickering and picking at each other like an old married couple. They made me laugh a lot, the only thing I laughed at really. Then it all changed again. But that’s not relevant.” I ignored her look and powered ahead. “I stopped talking to anyone, unless I had to, I wouldn’t say a word. I sang at shows but nothing more. And that was my life I guess. Not happy, not sad. It just was.”

Megara unexpectedly leapt across the bed and engulfed me in a hug.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to go through that.” She pulled away. “I can't imagine if I met my soulmate and then had to pretend like they meant nothing to me.” I smiled back at her sadly.

“Like I said, love is weird. And why would he want me when he has her.” With that I flopped down in bed and curled up in a ball. “Goodnight.”

“We didn't do anything interesting. I ate a bit then fell asleep. I was tired.” I smiled tightly at Lysander, a glint of challenge in my eyes before my gaze slipped to my plate and I took a second bite out of my apple. It tasted like ash in my mouth. “What's on the agenda today?” With that his eyes lit up and he beamed.

“Training.”

As it turned out, training was in fact the only thing on the agenda. I walked into the room and was greeted by the sight of the majority of the other tributes already showing off. My eyes flicked around the room for a second, Finnick was already bothering Katniss, the girl looked extremely unimpressed at him showing her how to tie a knot in the rope and didn't even try to hide her disgusted expression as he pretended to hang himself. I made my own way over to the survival skills section, I immediately picked up two pieces of wood and began to rub them together to little effect. Just as I was about to give up a shadow appeared above me.

“You have to rub quicker, and lower down.” Katniss took the sticks from me and demonstrated. “See.” I nodded slowly.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” With that she turned and made her way to one of the compartmentalised training rooms, grabbing a bow and a sheaf of arrows along the way. I watched from a distance as she put an arrow through each glowing hologram that appeared. I started as I saw one holding an axe and it immediately disintegrated, a small bolt of fear shooting through me. Were they supposed to represent us? My question was answered as another showed up holding a trident and resulted in the same fate. The closer I watched, I could see more similarities between the holograms and all the people stood watching. Johanna and Finnick were obvious, two appearing next to each other and reacting in sync, Cashmere and Gloss, one with long, sharp nails that none of the others had, Enobaria. A really burly one, Brutus and a couple of spindly ones, the morphlings.

Bile rose in my throat as Katniss annihilated them all. Then just as everyone thought the simulation had ended, a final hologram appeared. Smaller and thinner than all the others and it threw a golden blaze at her which she ducked and suddenly an arrow was lodged in it and it dissolved like all the others. It was clear that it was supposed to be. All the movements of the other holograms had been techniques the corresponding victors used in their games, the weapons they were most famed for using. And the Capitol had simply taken those moves and projected them into the simulation. But for me, the only moves I had back then were throwing that one knife and then my shoes. So that was what they had to use. I stayed frozen in my spot as the others stared at Katniss, contemplating looks in their eyes. I could see the cogs turning in their brains, they wanted her as their ally, who wouldn't to be honest. She was the favourite to win at the moment- perhaps also Finnick- and she would get sponsors upon sponsors. I watched her gaze pass over all of them to settle on me; I stared back at her blankly for a moment before she looked over to Peeta who stood watching her from the camouflage station, his arm covered in detailed paintings of rocks and tree bark. He smiled slightly and turned back to his work.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see a grinning Finnick.

“Quite the spectacle she's put on wouldn't you say?” He asked and I hummed in response. “She'd be a good ally.” I shrugged.

“I guess.”

“You guess?” He scoffed. “With an aim like that she could take out all of us in a matter of seconds.” My lip quirked upwards at his words. He didn't know just how true they were.

“I suppose, but if she was your ally, one wrong move and you'd be six feet under. But by all means, ally with the girl on fire; when she decides to kill you- don't say I didn't warn you.” I spun on my heel and strode away from him, my shoulder tingled where he had touched me and I felt a tug in my chest at the growing distance. It was as if the more time we spent around each other the more the- well I suppose the word that the Capitol used to describe it was a bond- the more the bond seemed to recognise us as soulmates and tried to drag us together. It was the only reasonable explanation for why he was talking to me.

I walked with my head down, stepping to the side to avoid bumping into other people. I made my way to a station where the two from district 3 had settled themselves at after struggling to light a fire and were fiddling around with wires and bolts. I sat myself down and picked up a few thin pieces of bronze metal. I twisted them together, intricately weaving them in a complicated pattern so they formed a pin of sorts. I twisted my hair up and stuck it through, the metal scraping along my scalp as I shook my head to make sure it was secure.

“The gamemakers won't be too impressed with that.” Beetee spoke quietly from beside me and I made a face.

“I don't really care. They're the ones hiding behind a forcefield.” His gaze sharpened.

“How do you know that?” I shrugged in response.

“The shimmer in the corners. Makes it look a bit like glass but they don't want us to know they're afraid of us and glass is too noticeable. Next best thing is a forcefield, I mean it uses a lot of the energy in this place. Zaps it like,” I snapped my fingers, “that, but most people won't know how to recognise it at all so they can keep up their pretences without worrying about one of us trying to murder them where they stand.”

Beetee stared at you for a second before a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

“A scholar I see.”

“Just curious.”

“Not even some adults back home would be able to tell me that.” Beetee murmured. “You've done your research.” I looked up to the gamemakers.

“Well,” I spoke softly, scratching at my wrist absently,”you never know what they'll throw at you and it's always good to be prepared.” He hummed in assent as Wiress tugged on a loose strand of my hair, babbling nonsense under her breath. I gently extracted myself from her fingers and wished them a pleasant day, a hint of sarcasm in my voice, before I left them to fiddle with their little toys.

I found myself wandering through the huge building, mindlessly gazing around. My eyes flitting over the white surfaces, shining brightly in the even whiter light from the ceilings. All of a sudden I heard voices. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, was that Finnick and Haymitch? Talking to Plutarch Heavensbee? I listened intently, pressing myself against the wall next to the tiny crack in the door to hear better. My eyes gradually widened with each sentence that left their mouths, I couldn't believe it myself, I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't been hearing it directly from the source. They stopped talking and I ran. I sprinted down the corridors and to the lifts, frantically pressing the buttons as I entered and running out just as quickly. I didn't slow down until I slammed the door to my room shut and launched myself onto my bed, clutching a pillow so hard my knuckles started to turn white. They were planning to get Katniss out of the games and start a revolution. A revolution. My mind repeated those words for minutes, my mouth moving to spell it out in disbelief. Slowly the disbelief I felt faded into determination. They clearly hadn’t been about to tell me anything about it, I wouldn’t be included in their alliance. But I could sure as hell help.

Throughout the next couple of days, I woke up as early as possible to train without anyone watching me. I would take my ballet shoes down with me and wear them as I threw knives at the holograms, rise onto my toes and dance around them in circles until my feet were bleeding and bruised. The pain only made me work harder, if I could fight with my feet broken beneath me then I could run forever and wouldn’t feel a thing. On the last day before the games would begin I did the same as I had been. But when I had destroyed the holograms a hundred times over I didn’t stop, I dropped the daggers in my hands and closed my eyes as I spun and leapt. For the first time in years no one was watching me and I could just dance. Even on the train there had been cameras pointed at me but in the interest of not wanting anyone to get mad and try to kill them the gamemakers had left the training room cameraless. So I danced as if I was a child again and my mother was watching me from the door of the house cheering me on. And then I fell. My ankle gave out beneath me and I crashed to the floor. I landed on my side, my arms crossed to hold my head off the floor. I pushed myself up and undid my shoes; pulled them off my feet and stood up. When I fell I had accidentally pressed a button and holograms had appeared again. I reached down to grab the daggers again as they advanced towards me.

“You wanna play?” One of them threw the knife they were holding at me. It skimmed my cheek; I lifted a hand up to touch it. My fingers came away red and I laughed quietly. “Fine, I’ll play.” With that something inside me cracked and I leapt forward. I was like a hurricane as they all rushed at me and I weaved through the gaps leaving bloody footprints wherever I stepped. I rained down blow after blow on them, if holograms could bleed I would have been covered. But they couldn’t bleed and they couldn’t die, they just disintegrated into orange sparks whenever my blade hit home in their rib cages only for more to take their place. I dodged and threw and stabbed until I thought the simulation ended and I stood in the centre of the room. The air moved and in the blink of an eye I spun and struck, the last thing I saw of the hologram was the trident in it's hand. Then I heard the clapping.

I turned around quickly to see Johanna watching me. I quickly stepped outside.

“What do you want?” She grinned.

“Who knew you could fight princess. I’d actually be quite impressed if I didn’t think you’d payed for some poor Capitol bastard to teach you.” A hysterical giggle forced itself out of my throat and for a second an unreadable expression passed over her face like a cloud. I picked up my shoes by the ribbons and let them dangle by my legs as her eyes went to my feet. “Aww did standing up by herself for a moment make the princesses feet hurt?” I swallowed.

“You don’t know me Johanna Mason.” I spat. “You don’t know anything about me so do not make assumptions about things that you do not understand.” She watched me walk away, yelling after me.

“See you later princess.” I ignored her, focusing on not leaving a trail of blood back to the room.

A few hours later, after I had bandaged up my feet, I headed back down for the evaluations. The others were already there and I sat down at the end of a bench. Feeling eyes on me I looked up and locked eyes with Katniss, she stood up and made her way over to me. She sat down silently and I looked at the pin she had on her top.

“A mockingjay.” She looked up at me surprised.

“Yeah. How did you know?” I laughed.

“Some members of the Capitol have them as pets. Ones they managed to catch after the jabberjays bred with mockingbirds. They domesticated them and have them sing all day every day.” My voice turned sharp. “They don’t like being reminded of their failures so they turn them into spectacles.” My head turned as the robotic voice spoke ‘Y/N L/N report for evaluation.’ I stood up slowly and walked past Finnick who was exiting and into the training room. I was greeted by the sight of the gamemakers laughing and talking with each other, completely ignoring my presence as I made my way over to the weapons stand. One of them spared me a glance before dismissing me. They knew who I was and they didn’t think I was a threat. I took a step forward, narrowing my eyes and realised something. The force field was strong if it was concentrated, but it was only being held together by four balls that it was projected out of, one in each corner creating a screen. So it was strong at the outside but where it all met in the centre would be weaker. I grinned at my revelation and practically skipped back to the table with the knives on. I picked one up and balanced it on my finger, I quickly looked around and grabbed a long piece of rope, tying it around the handle. I twisted the end of the rope around one hand and pirouetted, as my head whipped to the front I let the knife fly through the air, right through the centre of the forcefield. It embedded itself in a piece of watermelon and then the wall. I gripped the rope harder and yanked towards me, I caught the knife and raised the dripping red fruit up to my mouth to take a bite as I curtseyed deeply, dipping my head and letting my foot slide as far behind as possible. I smiled sweetly at their horrified expressions. You can almost see the thoughts running through their heads I mused as I walked calmly out of the room, head held high.

I was waylaid by Lysander who dragged me back to the room and made Finnick and I sit until the scoring was announced hours later, I was almost falling asleep in my chair. Yawning widely and eyes drooping until the music sounded and I bolted up. The second Gloss’ photo appeared on screen with a score of 10 flashing under him my heart sank. My little outburst would probably not have gained me anything other than a low score. The rest of the careers had predicatably high scores, Brutus an 11 and Finnick the same. Lysander screeched happily at his score, patting him on the back furiously and I murmured my congratulations. Then it was my turn. My face appeared on the screen and a bright bold number 12 flashed underneath it. I spat out my water in shock and blinked rapidly as Lysander gaped at the screen. Mags patted me gently on the shoulder, giving me a small smile; Finnick leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees.

“Congratulations angel.” The nickname shook me out of my trance.

“Angel?” He shrugged and gave me an easy smile.

“Yeah, you looked like an angel on the chariots and you certainly act like an angel, especially with that little girl.” His voice turned serious. “But something tells me you aren’t such an angel as everyone thinks you are.” My lip twitched and I forced it to stay in a straight line.

“Maybe you’re right.” I turned around, my back to him, his eyes searing into my skin as I whispered. “But some things cannot be determined with a passing glance.”

The next day was the day of the interviews. I was slumped in a chair, clad in a silk robe, as my prep team scoured my body. They perfected every imperfection they could find until my skin was like a blank canvas. All the while they chattered, asking me not so subtly about my evaluation score and even less subtly if I had a soulmate- thankfully they didn’t question my insistency that I covered my wrist while they ‘cleaned me up’. I ignored them for the most part until Priscilla began to waffle on about Finnick. I clenched my fists and tried to block her out, waiting for her to finish. But she wouldn't stop, she went on and on about him, his… relationships with Capitol women and then what a shame it was that he might die. My fingernails dug crescent moons into my palms until I felt pinpricks of pain and saw tiny specks of blood beading on my skin. I settled for fiddling with the robe until they left. The girls walked through the door giggling with each other as Quintus turned around to me.

“I understand how you feel.”

“What?” I asked confused.

“You have a soulmate yes?” I nodded slowly. “But he either doesn’t want you or doesn’t know about you.” I nodded again.

“The second.”

“I had a soulmate once.”

“You did?” I mumbled.

“It was about 15 years ago. I had just started working here for the games and she was a tribute.” He laughed slightly and ran his hand through his hair. “She hated me, I tried to get her to run away with me before the games could start but she wouldn’t let the kid from her district die even if it meant she lived. They only lasted 5 days in the arena.” He smiled sadly. “But those last couple of days she was alive and I got to see her were the best couple of days in my life.”

“What are you saying?” I whispered.

“Don’t waste time. Every second with the ones we love is precious.” Just as suddenly as he had begun the conversation he left the doorway, leaving me in silence.

Soon enough Megara came in, laden with bags upon bags containing god knows what. She dragged a chair over and sat down opposite me. She pulled out a teapot and two cups before setting them down on the table ignoring my incredulous look. She poured tea into the two cups added a splash of milk and sugar to one and gave me an inquisitive look. I shook my head, clearing my thoughts as I poured milk into the cup and spooned 3 teaspoons of sugar into the cup.

“So honey, how are you feeling about the interviews?”

“Honey? Aren’t you younger than me.”

“Nope,” she popped the p,” I’m 24.” I sighed.

“They can only go so badly right.” She grinned; took a sip of her tea, placed it down, stood up and walked over to a huge bag hung up on the door.

“I suppose we’ll see then.” She unzipped the bag and I gasped.

Taglist:

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[phyripowritesthings]

I changed my URL back :) but anyway, robul! I've realized that a bunch of the robul I've posted on this blog has been like... sad, but then nearly everything on ao3 has been pretty Not Sad :0 this fic is here to buck one of those trends, in that it's very light-hearted and pretty silly! it's also given me a bunch of new headcanons, which is always cool! I want you guys to know that the placeholder summary for this was 'stupid idiots in love, too stupid to know they're in love', which covers it pretty well

.

(I'd Be) Better Off With You

pairings/characters: Bulgaria (Stefan)/Romania (Dragos), Norway (Einar), Belarus (Nadzeya), Sweden (Torbjörn), Hungary (Erzsébet), Moldova (Luca)

word count: 6473 summary: In which Stefan makes Dragos better food, Dragos makes Stefan wear better clothes, and literally everyone knows they're dating except the two of them.

Also on AO3!

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By the time Dragos finally finishes up, it is very nearly dark outside despite it being early June.

With a sigh, he tidies up his shop and walks into his adjoining apartment through the back door. There, he realizes that the delicious smell he’s been noticing over the course of the evening, wasn’t coming from one of his neighbors’ kitchens as he’d thought, when he finds Stefan in his kitchen, humming under his breath and stirring a bubbling sauce in a pot.

“I didn’t think I had food,” Dragos says, by way of greeting. His stomach rumbles.

“You didn’t.” Stefan covers the pot and turns to him, leaning back against the kitchen counter. The shirt he’s wearing is threadbare, the hems actually frayed. It’s a shirt Dragos distinctly remembers telling him not to wear anymore, at least not in public, but then he supposes his kitchen isn’t public.

“Hm. Okay.” Dragos pauses. “Hold on, when did you get here?”

“I said hi to you! You were setting up your game.”

Dragos is sure he doesn’t remember that, but alright. It wouldn’t be the first time he got a little caught up in his preparations. Nor, of course, is it the first time Stefan has shown up unannounced in his kitchen.

“And what if I’d been eagerly anticipating takeout pizza, huh?” he asks him, even as he starts maneuvering around him to pull out plates and cutlery for two. Stefan turns back to the stove with a scoff and doesn’t answer. Dragos grins.

It’s nice, the way Stefan will take time out of his day to make sure he’s fed. There isn’t any reason Dragos couldn’t do it himself, of course, but he has to admit Stefan is a better cook. Besides, he seems to enjoy it, so, win-win. Especially if he can talk him into putting other clothes on at some point.

“D’you want wine?” Dragos asks, because he might not have had any food, but he certainly has that.

“It’s a Wednesday, Dragos.”

“And?”

“And I’m not twenty anymore.” Stefan looks at him with one eye. “Maybe one glass. Red, if you have it.”

Of course he does.

Stefan does only drink one glass of wine with his amazing pasta, which—yeah, he really isn’t twenty anymore, Dragos supposes, because he remembers him drinking far too much on a far too regular basis when they were that age. It’s probably a good thing he’s stopped doing that. Unfortunately, Dragos isn’t twenty anymore either, so despite having only two glasses himself, he’s slightly unsteady on his feet when he sees Stefan off later that evening.

He watches him go around back, through the small courtyard there that’s mostly filled with junk, and also Dragos’s bike, which he’s protective of but might as well be junk. Especially since Stefan accidentally kicks the front wheel on his way out, and Dragos giggles when he apologizes to the bike before clasping his shoulder and telling him it’s okay. Even if he is still wearing his shitty shirt.

Kindly, Stefan has left the leftover pasta for Dragos, which is good because he still has no other food, after all. Really, what would he do without him?

-

When it is time for his lunch break, Dragos quickly ducks out of the shop and into his apartment, where he heats his leftover pasta in the microwave. He carries the plate back into the shop, sitting down to eat at the table where they host their TTRPGs. Behind the register, Einar looks up from the many granny squares he’s been crocheting between customers.

“That smells nice,” he comments. “That’s why you didn’t want Nadz to get you lunch?”

With a chime of the shop bell, Nadzeya returns just then, brandishing cartons of fried fish from the local market, so Einar puts his crocheting down to take one from her, nodding his thanks. She sweeps into the side room in a cloud of black fabric and eyes Dragos’s pasta suspiciously.

“Where’d you get that?”

“Stefan made it.”

That makes her look over her shoulder at Einar, who shrugs.

“He’s bringing you lunch now?” she asks, pushing her sleeves up to dip a piece of fish in sauce.

“No, of course not!” Dragos laughs. “He’s got a job, you know. He made dinner last night, I’m lucky enough to get the leftovers.”

“I see,” Nadzeya says slowly, chewing on her fish.

Dragos shrugs and eats some more pasta. It really is very good. He’ll have to ask Stefan if he’d make it again. He could even make sure he keeps the ingredients on hand.

“So…” Einar is coming over to lean against the doorframe, fish in hand. “He stayed at your place?”

“What, where would he stay?” Dragos frowns. They both know he’s only got one bed, and his shitty couch, which he would never ask anyone to sleep on, least of all Stefan.

Einar and Nadzeya exchange an indecipherable look that ends with Einar shrugging once more and Nadzeya sighing.

“Guys, what’s up? I thought you liked Stefan.” Or maybe they’re jealous of his pasta?

“Oh my god,” Nadzeya mutters. “Yeah, sure, Dragos, he’s a nice dude.”

“Quite handsome,” Einar puts in, which makes her snort for some reason, though Dragos couldn’t say why. It is true; Stefan is quite handsome, with his bright green eyes and his perpetual stubble, even if he has no sense of fashion.

“Sure, but I didn’t think he was your type,” he just tells Einar, who, as far as Dragos knows, is more into tall blond guys, “though I’m sure I could—”

The bell over the shop door chimes to announce the arrival of a customer and Einar uncharacteristically rushes over to assist, so Dragos doesn’t finish his sentence. He turns to his last bit of pasta instead.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Nadzeya tells him, but she does that at least twice a day and Dragos has long since given up trying to figure out what it is he did wrong this time, so he ignores her, takes his plate back to his kitchen, and goes to see if the customer needs any help.

-

Stefan hears Torbjörn greet someone at the front of the workshop, but doesn’t pay attention to it until a shadow covers the chair he’s working on. He squints down at the wood, then up. The only clue he really needed was the ridiculous leather pants, but he smiles up at Dragos’s face anyway, putting his sanding tool down.

“Hey Dra,” he says, as he sits up and dusts off his jeans. “What brings you here?”

“Nothing, really. Well—oh!” Dragos shuffles his shoulder bag around to dig into it. “I got you a pastry. Only seems fair, yeah?”

He holds a crumpled paper bag out to Stefan, who has already closed his fingers around it when he looks up at his friend’s grin and notices… A glint.

Standing up abruptly, he leans close to Dragos, which only makes him grin wider, rust-brown eyes crinkling at the corners. As usual, his smile is slightly lopsided and Dragos is touching his tongue to a sharp canine, but what isn’t usual is the shimmer of metal beneath his upper lip, glinting silver.

“When the hell did you get that?” Stefan asks, incredulous. He saw him yesterday!

“Just now! It’s called a smiley piercing, isn’t that cute?”

That is cute, and Stefan thinks it’s very suited to Dragos, but he shakes his head in confusion and gestures with his mystery pastry.

“Dragos, you’re afraid of needles!”

“Oh, geez, am I?” He rolls his eyes ostentatiously, still grinning. “It’s not like I can see into my mouth, is it?”

The glint of metal is there every time he speaks, distracting Stefan. He frowns.

“You made me come with you when you got that tattoo.”

“Well—”

“The tattoo that is on your back.”

“That’s—no, that’s different.” Dragos pauses. Tilts his head, tucking some wispy hair that’s escaped from its ponytail behind his ear. “Did you want to come?”

“No?” Stefan thinks about it. “No. You can take care of yourself.”

Another smile, and Dragos brushes sawdust off his shoulders in that way he does; there must not be any in Stefan’s hair for him to finger-comb out.

“So you just… Came here to show me you got a piercing?” That just gets him a quirk of Dragos’s thin eyebrows. Alright.

“I guess I also wanted to tell you I’m not supposed to eat anything spicy for two weeks.”

Aw, really? Stefan wanted to make goulash. He must look disappointed, because Dragos grasps his shoulders and says, “Oh, I’m sorry!” with such an earnest expression that it makes him laugh. He touches one of his arms.

“It looks nice, Dra.”

A grin. Smiley, huh? How fitting.

“Anyway, I’m sure you’re busy, so I’ll leave you to it! Enjoy your pastry!” Dragos flounces off through the workshop in a little whirl of color. “Bye, Torbjörn!”

“Bye,” Torbjörn says, possibly sounding amused. It’s hard to tell, with him, especially compared to Dragos. Both because Dragos wears his heart on his sleeve, and because Stefan has known Dragos since they were kids.

“’S nice,” Torbjörn tells Stefan as he walks over to put his pastry safely away for now. “Used to bring Tuomi lunch when he worked ‘round here.”

“That’s sweet. Not really the same, though.”

Torbjörn and Tuomi have been married for over a decade, after all.

“Hm,” Torbjörn just says, which could mean anything, so Stefan shrugs and gets back to work.

-

If it were possible, Dragos is sure he would have broken the speed limit on his rickety bicycle, that’s how fast he rushes to the local hospital after he gets a cryptic call. Once there, he hurries to the second floor when the receptionist directs him up.

“Is it Luca?” he shouts, bursting into a silent hallway. For the first time in his life, he is mildly relieved to see Erzsébet Héderváry sprawled in a plastic chair, looking at her phone.

“Your brother is fine, Bălan,” she drawls. “Stefan fell down a flight of fucking stairs, though, and they won’t let him leave with me.”

“A flight of stairs? Is he—wait, why am I here?” Though he doesn’t understand why, he knows Erzsébet is Stefan’s friend, just like he is, so there is no reason he should have any more right to check Stefan out of this place.

“Well, his mother lives on the other side of the country.” Erzsébet is standing up.

“But…”

“Ugh, Bălan, just because you’re not fucking married yet doesn’t mean they won’t let him go with you.” She thrusts a bundle of fabric into Dragos’s hands, glaring up at him and jerking her chin at the door behind her. “Tell him he owes me one.”

And off she goes.

Dragos decides to ignore her, as he usually does, and walks into the hospital room to find Stefan sitting on the edge of a bed. He smiles when he spots Dragos, a sheepish edge to it. The only indicators of injury are a bandage wrapped around his right wrist and some scraping on both arms, and a bruise on his temple.

“Why did you fall down a flight of stairs?” Dragos asks.

Stefan bristles. “What do you mean, why? I didn’t mean to—and Erzsébet is exaggerating, I fell down the steps out front of her building!”

Yeah, that sounds like her. And yes, Dragos is biased against her, but still. He frowns, pushing his tongue up against his still-healing smiley piercing.

“You look stupid,” Stefan says, now sounding petulant, which makes Dragos smile. “Shut up. Anyway, they won’t let me go until they’re sure someone’ll watch over me. I guess I’ve got a mild concussion. And I sprained my wrist.”

“Hey, at least it’s your right!” Dragos tells him, trying to lift his spirits. And, “I’ll watch over you, no problem.”

That, at least, gets Stefan to smile as he stands up. Dragos unfurls the fabric Erzsébet has given him to find that it’s one of his own jackets, one he made Stefan take some time ago because blue just looks much better on him—and because Stefan has no idea it does, which means it’s up to Dragos to make sure he looks alright. It is a pretty chilly day for July, he supposes.

“Here.” Holding the jacket out, Dragos helps Stefan into it, careful not to jostle his wrist, and he dutifully buttons it up as well. “There you go.”

He smiles at Stefan, and the answering smile is soft. With the backs of his fingers, Dragos brushes the man’s bruised cheekbone.

“Ah!” A nurse, entering the room. “I see Mr Borisov’s partner is here!” He flashes a smile at Dragos. “Now, I’m sure you’ll be fine in no time, Stefan.”

“Thanks,” Stefan mumbles. “Dra—”

“Yeah, let’s go, then.”

They’ve made it nearly to the exit when he realizes, “We’re gonna have to take the bus, though.”

That will surely be annoying, but Stefan just hums, turning his face towards the weak sun when they step outside. His bruises don’t seem so bad in this light, especially when the breeze ruffles his dark hair over his forehead.

“’M glad you came out for me, Dra,” he says, and Dragos grins happily all the while until he has to drag his bike on to a city bus.

-

“Oh! Stefan!”

Startled, Stefan turns to the side room of the shop, from where Luca waves him over.

“What’s up?”

“Dra!” Luca calls, ducking back into the room.

“No need to yell,” Dragos says in a huff, though his face lights up when he sees Stefan, who smiles back.

Apart from the Bălan brothers, Einar and Nadzeya are also present, all seated around the large table, which is currently set up for one of their fantasy games. Stefan does not understand any of them; his only contribution over the many years he’s known Dragos has been to carve several small creatures out of wood, which Dragos has always been delighted by.

“Just the man we need,” Dragos is saying now, rising from his chair. Einar, who is at the head of the table, puts a heavy book pages-down and leans his elbows on it.

“Me?” Stefan asks. Dragos grasps his shoulders and gazes earnestly at him, eyes bright. Their eyes are perfectly level, which must mean he’s wearing heeled shoes again.

“Yes, you, Stef. We need—oh!” He looks down into the bag slung over his shoulder and grins. “Finally time for goulash, huh?”

Stefan nods. It’s been three weeks.

“Excellent.” The piercing is visible when he smiles.

“Dragos,” Nadzeya says, sounding annoyed and leaning back precariously on her chair’s hind legs.

“Right! We’ve got a problem!” Dragos gestures at the room at large, leaving one hand on Stefan’s shoulder. “Arthur’s bailed on us!”

“Dra, I don’t know how to play your—”

“Not that! Though you’re always welcome to try, you know that. No, see, there’s a festival coming up, and Luc’s friends are going as the Fellowship, okay?”

“Sure,” Stefan says, because sometimes it’s easier to just pretend to know what Dragos is talking about and circle back later.

“Right, and the four of us—” he gestures again—“are normally the White Council, but Arthur’s gone and so I thought you could be our Elrond!” He grins triumphantly, and Stefan just blinks at him.

“I have no idea what you just said.”

Nadzeya drawls, “The gist of it was, do you wanna dress up as an elf?”

An elf? Like Santa’s helpers?

“Cool elf,” Dragos clarifies. “Warrior and lord and all that. Very powerful. He’s played by Hugo Weaving!”

“I don’t know who that is. Also, played in what?”

“Lord of the Rings! I showed you Lord of the Rings, Stef.” He’s still holding one shoulder, squeezing or pulling gently with every other word as he’s wont to do. Stefan tries to recall any films about rings he might have been shown.

“Was that the movie with the… Like, little guys?”

Luca snorts, but Dragos nods, his expression caught somewhere between pained and amused.

“I don’t remember any elves.”

“Yeah, you fell asleep before they even left the Shire.” And, before Stefan can question what that means, “That doesn’t matter, though!”

“I mean,” Nadzeya says, “doesn’t it? Arthur knows basically the whole Silmarillion by heart, he’d be appalled. Maybe you should try reading a book, Borisov.”

Dragos immediately whirls around to glare at her, though Stefan just shrugs.

“I could try,” he says. “Pretty damn dyslexic, though.”

“Alright. Didn’t know that.” She tips her head towards him, and he nods back. Dragos turns to him again, light brown hair fanning around his face. He’s been wearing it up lately, claiming it’s too warm down, and it’s kind of nice to see it loose. It looks more familiar.

“So, normally I’m Elrond, but you’ve already got dark hair anyway, and we know you fit my clothes.”

“I’m sorry, why do we know that?” Luca interrupts. And then, immediately, “No, actually, do not answer that.”

Einar morosely mutters, “It’s gonna be completely innocuous.” Which, yes, of course, what other reason would there be? Stefan is content to let Dragos shove clothes at him, because it seems to make him happy and that is always a worthy cause in his book.

And so, he says, “Sure, Dra, I’ll dress up as this Allround character.”

Dragos beams, clasping both his shoulders.

“Who are you, then?” Stefan asks, because he knows Dragos will want to tell him even if it won’t mean a thing to him.

“Saruman! He’s like… The evil wizard. Einar’s Gandalf and—”

“Actually, since you’re someone different, we decided to switch too,” Einar cuts in. “Nadz’ll do Gandalf, I’ll be Galadriel.”

“Huh,” Dragos says, though he doesn’t turn to them. “Cool.”

Luca, for some reason, starts to blush while he stares wide-eyed at Einar, who smirks languidly at him. It’s probably a good thing Dragos doesn’t notice; despite the fact that Luca’s almost twenty now and goes to university, he’s still very much a kid to his brother. Stefan frowns at Einar in his stead.

“We, uh…” Luca clears his throat. “We wanted to go as Avatar, but there weren’t enough characters. And Leon kept calling everyone racist, though I think he was joking.”

“Oh! I’ve seen Avatar!” Stefan puts in. This is rare!

“What?” Dragos says, incredulous. “When did you watch Avatar and why was I not there?”

“I had a date, he took me. I don’t think I really got it.”

“Oh my fucking god, you mean the blue alien Avatar!” Dragos shakes his shoulders emphatically.

Yeah, there had definitely been blue aliens. “The guy tried to explain it to me, I think it was part two?”

“Who even thinks that’s a good date?” Dragos seems very impassioned now, which makes Stefan smile.

“I liked Blue Alien Avatar,” Einar says mildly.

“Oh, great! Stef, was this date a tall, blond dude, because he sounds like Einar’s type!”

He had been, actually. “I’d thought you might like him. He told me he does these historical dress-up things, too. Looked pretty neat.”

“Elves aren’t historical, Borisov,” Nadzeya says, while Einar leans forward with interest, chin in his hand.

“He kept trying to tell me about Rusvik.” Stefan shrugs. He still has no idea what that is. Might as well be elves. He also has no idea anymore what the guy’s name was.

“Huh,” Einar says, contemplative. “Y’know what, Stefan, that does actually sound like my type.”

“Fucking nerd,” Nadzeya snipes, somehow affectionately, as though she isn’t part of this strange group as well. Dragos smiles a conspiratorial little smile at Stefan, winking, and then tells him to go make his goulash and pushes him gently out the door, promising to fill him in on the elf business over dinner.

-

“Are you serious?”

Dragos chews on his lip and flails his hands apologetically. Stefan crosses his arms over his bare chest. Early morning sunlight streams in through the high window of the bathroom and across his shoulders.

“You have a fake beard and I have to shave,” he mutters. “How’s that fair?”

“You see why I’m normally Elrond.” Dragos bounces on the tips of his toes.

Stefan does fit his costume; they’ve checked. His chest is a little broader than Dragos’s, but honestly, that just means he fills out the robes better. Arthur’s Saruman outfit fits Dragos as well. He isn’t wearing it now, not yet, only having put a tank top on before telling Stefan to go shave before he put his clothes on.

“Anyway, I know you, you’ll have stubble again by the end of the afternoon. And really, you should see Nadzeya’s beard.”

Einar, of course, also fit perfectly into her Galadriel dress, apart from the stuffed bra he had to wedge underneath. He pulls it off, because Einar can pull everything off. It’s a real shame he’s not Dragos’s type. Maybe Stefan’s stupid former date will appreciate it.

Stefan is shaking his head but smiling wryly.

“The things I do for you, Dragos,” he says, running his fingers over the stubble on his chin. Dragos beams at him and touches his cheek.

“I’m sure it’ll look good. Besides…” He rests the fingertips of his other hand on his breastbone. “At least it’s just the facial hair, huh?”

That gets him a pained expression, followed by Stefan squirming away when Dragos moves his hand. Oh! He’d almost forgotten he’s ticklish! It seemed much more relevant when they were kids.

“Dragos,” Stefan says warningly, jaw clenching underneath his other hand. “Hey—”

Because Dragos wriggles his fingers some more, grinning with delight when Stefan gasps and grabs his wrist, squirming. He hits the sink when he steps back, inadvertently tugging Dragos with him.

“Oh my god,” says Luca, suddenly, from the bathroom doorway. Widening his eyes, Dragos turns to his brother, who is already in his costume.

“This is not what it looks like.”

“It… It’s not?” He looks between the two of them while Dragos takes a step back. Stefan shakes his head, crossing his arms again.

“Oh,” Luca says. “Are you sure?”

“Yes?” Dragos glances at Stefan, who shrugs, amused.

“Jesus fuck.” Luca turns and stalks away, throwing his hands up.

“Hey, language!” Stefan tells him before Dragos can, but Luca doesn’t react. And, “Hey, how come he gets a waistcoat and I have to wear robes?”

“Just go shave,” Dragos tells him, laughing, and he briefly touches his cheek again on the way out.

-

Erzsébet texts, ‘borisov ur such a pushover’, with a picture attached of Stefan in his Allround outfit, holding a sword, which he thought was actually pretty cool. Stefan blinks at his phone, pausing in eating his lunch.

‘whered you get that photo?’ he sends back.

‘luca. but srsly say no to balan sometimes’

‘I had a good time’

‘ugh. everyone i know is a nerd’

Stefan shrugs, returning to his salad. He doesn’t know, at this point, why Erzsébet dislikes Dragos, and vice-versa, but he thinks the two of them might have forgotten as well, so he’s not going to look into it at all. It’s probably something stupid anyway, knowing the both of them.

“Everything okay?” Torbjörn asks, across the table in their workshop.

“Sure.”

The man nods, eating his sandwich.

“’M takin’ next week off,” he says after a while. Stefan nods; he’d seen the schedule. Since it’s summer, it hasn’t been very busy, so he’ll be fine on his own.

“Special occasion?” he asks. Couldn’t be his birthday; that’s in June, and it’s August now. Torbjörn smiles minutely.

“Wedding anniversary. Twelve years.”

“That’s nice. Congratulations.”

“Y’ever think about getting married?” Torbjörn asks, lifting his cup of coffee.

Stefan laughs. “Sure, if I find the right person. Dragos has all these ideas about weddings, you know that? He’s a romantic, really. Probably knows what I should wear and all.”

Torbjörn stares at him with those piercing eyes of his, coffee raised to his lips and steam fogging up the edges of his glasses.

“I see,” he rumbles eventually. “And you’d let him tell you?”

“I trust him,” Stefan says. If anyone knows what looks nice on him, it’s Dragos.

“I see,” Torbjörn repeats.

“Anyway, next week—do you have any projects I ought to know about?”

-

Luca is looking uncharacteristically serious, which immediately has Dragos on edge when he opens the door. It’s not unusual for his brother to visit over the weekend; he has his own apartment now, with a yearmate from university, but he knows he’s always welcome in Dragos’s house. Even if Dragos is still a little insulted him and his odd friend group don’t use his specifically furnished side room to play Dungeons & Dragons. Luca says it’s too far away, but still.

“What’s wrong?” Dragos asks nervously.

Luca purses his lips. Swipes his ever-longer hair over one shoulder.

“I want to…” He frowns, seemingly thinking while he flops down on Dragos’s shitty couch. From the open window, the smell of fried food wafts into the room.

“You can tell me anything, Luc.”

“I know.” He smiles softly. “Okay, let’s say I need advice.”

“Okay, let’s say that,” Dragos agrees, leaning forward in his chair.

“What if there’s a… A guy, who’s my friend, right? And he’s always around?” Luca winds his hair around his fingers. “And I really like having him around.”

Dragos nods. He’s reminded of Luca coming out to him a few years ago, although that felt more matter-of-fact; he knew Dragos would have no problems with whatever his sexuality was. He must really like this guy.

“And this guy, he’s always touching me—which I like!—and he seems happy to see me whenever,” Luca continues. “And I like to help him out when he wants, you know? It makes me feel nice.”

“That’s great, Luc. It sounds like you don’t really need my advice—if you’d want to date this guy, I mean.”

“Yeah, you think so?”

“Sure!” Dragos leans forward to clasp his brother’s knee briefly. “Sounds like he’s into you!”

“Cool. So, uh…” Luca takes a deep breath. “Why exactly are you not dating Stefan?”

“What?” Dragos exclaims. Where did that come from?

“Those are all things you and Stefan do!”

“That’s… Luc, that’s different.”

“Why?” He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not saying those things can’t be platonic, but I know you, both of you. They’re not!”

“Of course they are!”

“Do you touch Nadzeya that much? Does Einar come over and make you dinner?”

“Well, no—Nadz doesn’t like to be touched—”

“Stefan doesn’t like to be touched! You’ve told me that!”

With a gasp, Dragos says, “He doesn’t! Oh, do you think I’ve been overstepping his boundaries?”

“What? No, Dragos, that’s the point! His boundaries are different for you!” Luca flops backwards on the couch, pushing both hands into his hair. “You can’t be this stupid!”

“Hey.” Why is his brother so hung up on his love life, anyway? Or, lack of love life, as it were. Dragos had meant to go out to a bar sometime this summer, maybe meet someone, but then Stefan will be there with dinner and they’ll hang out and it’ll be too late. He never gets the sense Stefan minds, either. Maybe they could go out together.

“So there’s no guy?” he asks Luca.

“No, there’s no guy, Dragos. Not for me, anyway. Look, wouldn’t it make you happy to be with Stefan?”

“It already does.”

Luca stares at him. “God, I wish you were joking.” And, in response to Dragos raising his eyebrows, “No, that’s good, Dra. And if you were the type of person for a platonic sort of romance, then, you know, whatever. But you were the one reading me all those love stories when I was a kid. You’re a romantic at heart. I know you are.”

“Stef says that a lot.” Dragos smiles. It’s nice to hear.

“Oh my fucking god!”

-

“Hello, Stefan,” Einar drawls from behind the register, looping a green yarn over his fingers.

“Hi. Is Dragos in?”

“Out to get lunch.”

Stefan nods and makes his way to the door in the back of the shop, pulling his key to Dragos’s apartment out. He just needs to pick up a shirt that Dragos has said would suit him better; he’s going to dinner with Erzsébet and she insists he look ‘presentable, at the very least’. Her and Dragos agree that Stefan doesn’t know how to dress himself, and that’s the only thing.

It’s vaguely insulting, because he’s in his thirties, but at least Dragos will help him out, which is more than can be said for Erzsébet.

The shirt, found hanging over the back of Dragos’s couch, is a nice deep green, nearly black, and it fits great, so Stefan keeps it on when he leaves. He has no work this afternoon, so it’ll be fine.

When he opens the door, it almost slams into a customer, but the man jumps away just in time, narrowly avoiding a rack of trading cards.

“Sorry.” Stefan squints up at the man, who blinks back.

“Oh, Stefan. I didn’t know you worked here.” It’s the guy who took him to see Blue Alien Avatar, whose name Stefan still cannot recall even though he forwarded his contact info to Einar a few weeks back.

“He doesn’t,” Einar says, coming over to inspect the trading cards. And, frowning, “Is that that shirt Dragos bought yesterday?”

“He thought it’d look nice.”

“You two are precious,” Einar informs him flatly.

Blue Alien Avatar man adjusts his glasses, looking down at Stefan. God, right, that’s another reason that didn’t work; he’s just too tall. Stefan would prefer to date someone of his own height.

“So you’re… You live here?” the guy asks.

Before Stefan can clarify, Dragos bursts into his store and immediately exclaims, “I told you it’d look good on you!” He waves a panini around as he strides over. “You’re wasted on Erzsébet Héderváry, truly.”

“Ha, she wishes.” Stefan smiles when that makes Dragos laugh, and stands still so the man can adjust his shirt and gently muss his hair with one hand, wiping at something on his cheek with his tongue between his teeth.

Blue Alien Avatar guy turns to Einar and asks, “How long have—”

“They’re not.”

Dragos nods, satisfied, and holds his panini out to Stefan in invitation, so he folds his fingers over Dragos’s and takes a careful bite of it.

“Surely…”

“You see what I gotta deal with here, Eduard.”

Ah! That was his name.

“So no dinner tonight?” Dragos asks. Stefan shakes his head apologetically. “That’s okay. I’ll see you!”

“See you, Dra.” Stefan touches his arm and nods politely at Einar and Blue Alien Eduard as he leaves.

-

“Alright, I’ll give you a minute to—” Einar is interrupted by a rattling at the door of the shop that makes everyone look up. “What the hell?”

Frowning, Dragos gets up from the game table and pokes his head out of the window facing the street to see what the commotion is. The sun has not yet set but is low, and in its orange light, he sees that it is Stefan trying the locked door.

“Stef!” he calls, and leans further out of the window when Stefan peers into the sunlight at him. “What the hell are you doing?”

Stefan hurries over. He’s still wearing the nice green shirt and looks quite agitated, so Dragos leans over, resting his torso on the windowsill to grasp his friend’s shoulder.

“What happened? Did Erzsébet do something?” he asks with concern.

Blinking, Stefan shakes his head. In the orange light, his eyes are an almost translucent shade of green, and Dragos can see the brown undertones in his black hair, nearly gold.

“So why are you here? Are you okay?” Dragos touches Stefan’s forehead with his free hand, letting his fingers slip down the side of his face. He feels fine, sun-warmed but not hot. Inside, Luca asks something and Nadzeya grumbles an answer.

“I don’t… You know, it’s stupid,” Stefan says, voice low. He averts his gaze, pressing his lips together.

“I’m sure it’s not, Stef.” Dragos tugs him a little closer to the window so he can lean more comfortably on the sill.

“No, I’m pretty sure it is.” Stefan touches his wrist, fingers warm on his skin, and looks back at him. “We were at dinner, and someone thought we were a couple.”

“You and Erzsébet?” Dragos asks incredulously. He digs his fingers into Stefan’s shoulder. The nerve! He deserves much better than her!

“Yes! And I corrected the guy, immediately!”

“Of course!”

“Dragos, people think we’re a couple all the time!”

“Well—”

“And I never correct them!” His eyes are wide, almost frantic. “I just don’t!”

“But that…” Dragos frowns, and then he just looks at Stefan for a while, as Stefan looks right back, his fingers curled around his wrist. Because Dragos is still touching his face, basically cupping his jaw with one hand while he leans out of his shop window. The street is otherwise deserted, although he wouldn’t have cared if it weren’t.

Slowly, he runs his other hand up from Stefan’s shoulder, across his neck to his face as well. He rasps his thumb over the stubble on his jaw. Watches him part his lips and breathe out slowly.

“Why don’t I correct them?” Stefan asks, nearly in a whisper.

“Because…” Dragos meets his eye. “Because they aren’t wrong.”

“Fuck,” Stefan sighs, eyes closing briefly. “They’re not, are they?”

“Oh my god, Stef, we’re so stupid!” Dragos tugs him closer and leans further forward so that their foreheads touch, and he feels, more than hears, Stefan laugh. He tries to imagine, just for a moment, doing that with Einar, with Nadzeya, with anyone else, but… It doesn’t feel like it should even be a possibility. His boundaries are different for Stefan as well, he supposes.

“Have we really missed out on much, though?” Stefan is asking, wryly.

“You… You could make breakfast, not just dinner,” Dragos says, curling his fingers against his skin. “I could introduce you as my partner. We could—”

Stefan turns his face up and kisses him, slotting their lips together as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, and Dragos is sure he almost tumbles out into the street, the way he melts into it.

“Well, and we could do that,” he mumbles, half into Stefan’s mouth, and feels him smile against his lips before pressing them back together. The little noise he makes when Dragos swipes his tongue over his lips is sure to be seared into his memory from here on out—just like the way his stubble rasps against his skin, the way his fingers curl into Dragos’s hair, tugging it out of its half-up ponytail, the way—

“Fucking finally!”

Stefan almost drags Dragos from his window when he stumbles backwards, and Dragos blinks dumbly at him before registering the voice from down the street and turning to glare at Erzsébet.

“What the fuck are you—”

“Dra?” Luca asks from behind him, peering out of the window as well. “Hi, Stefan.”

“Luca!” Erzsébet yells, though she’s coming closer. Dragos wants to say something else, but Stefan rolls his eyes, steps back forward, and kisses him again, and he decides he really doesn’t care.

“No way!” Luca exclaims.

“I know, right?”

There is only Stefan for a long while, then, tilting his head to meet Dragos’s mouth again and again, as if he’s making up for lost time because they’ve really been idiots, possibly for years. When Dragos finally resurfaces from kissing him, Stefan is flushed, his eyes are dark, and, for some reason, Luca is outside on the street with Erzsébet, as are Einar and Nadzeya.

“Guys?” he asks, blinking, his voice somehow hoarse. They weren’t finished with the game. But… He looks back down at Stefan as he touches the corner of his lips with a callused thumb. “Right. Come in.” And, when Stefan steps closer to the window, “The door, Stef!”

“Oh, good, they’re gonna be stupid in brand new ways now,” Nadzeya says, but Dragos doesn’t really care because then Stefan is inside and he can press him against the door, fitting their entire bodies together.

Stefan touches his face, his neck, with careful fingertips as if exploring him. He smells, as he always does, like sawdust and cigarette smoke, and Dragos has known that for years, but the way he smiles sends shivers down his spine. He grins, and Stefan grins back, eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Oh my god, I love you,” Dragos blurts. He’s known that too, for years, he just didn’t realize how.

“Stupid,” Stefan mutters. But, as he leans so close their lips nearly touch again, he whispers, “I love you too.”

-

It’s dark by the time Dragos is done in the shop, and he eagerly makes his way to his apartment, only to find Stefan sprawled on the couch, looking at his phone. He smiles up at Dragos when he enters.

“What’s this?” Dragos lets himself be tugged down to sit sideways on the couch next to Stefan, and then gladly leans over to kiss him, his hair spilling around both their faces. Stefan tucks some of it behind his ear when he pulls back, licking his lips.

“What do you mean, what’s this?”

Dragos raises one eyebrow, which makes him laugh, eyes bright.

“I can’t just be at your place?” He sits up straight.

“’Course you can. I’d be more confused if you weren’t.” He puts a hand on Stefan’s thigh, stretched out on the couch next to him, and is pleased to note a hitch in the man’s breath. “You know several customers think we’re married?”

“Hm. How long have they thought that?”

Dragos grimaces, and Stefan laughs again, then suddenly blinks, falling silent. He meets Dragos’s eye and takes a deep breath.

“Maybe we should be married.”

“Maybe—what?” Dragos gasps. “Is that—Stefan, is that a proposal?”

“Huh, I guess.”

“You guess?” And, before he can reply to that, “I mean, yes, obviously we should get married—”

Stefan kisses him, hard, and Dragos lets himself be dragged back down eagerly. It’s a long while before they finally circle back—first to the shittiest proposal ever, which Stefan promises he’ll make up for as if he didn’t do just that, but Dragos is curious to find out what he’ll come up with anyway, and then to what Dragos had originally wanted to know.

He rests his chin on Stefan’s chest and looks up at him, asking, “So what’s for dinner, then?”

“You see,” Stefan says, flushed and rumpled underneath him, “sometimes, a man is eagerly anticipating some takeout pizza.”

[eowynstwin]

I've come to the last thing I'd like to talk about, and unlike the rest it's something I've already made progress working through. I want to try keep this subject brief, because 1) it's taken a LOT out of me to get through all this and 2) even so, it's helped, and I'm ready to move on. I just don't want to leave anything important to me unaddressed.

So, I mentioned that when I returned to this blog, it felt like everyone had moved on from the Myka issue. I didn't see the same kind of support when I came back as I did when I left—and maybe it seems presumptive of me, but I had been expecting it. There was precedent, after all.

And I'll be honest—it took pretty much all the wind out of my sails. It kind of felt like it didn't matter if I was here or not—like, outside of the Myka issue, I hadn't actually made enough of an impression on anyone, with my own work or my support for others', for them to really care if I came back. Which, considering how many people were there for me when I left, I believed I had. That belief felt pretty misplaced after that. And to put it mildly, that did not feel good.

At the same time—and I've already talked about this in the past, so I don't want to retread old ground too much—I noticed a drop in engagement with the new work I posted. I understand now that that involved a lot of factors—my long absence, the change in my url, general fandom trends—but because it happened around the same time as my return, it compounded that feeling of my irrelevance.

So as I’ve been writing this whole time, and posting, I’ve lived with this undercurrent of god I hope this is good enough for them to care about me again. I felt like I had never actually been good enough for anyone to think of me outside of the Myka incident. I couldn't enjoy my own work without thinking none of this was ever good enough. I got to the point where I couldn't enjoy other people's work without thinking everyone likes them, but they don't like me.

Now, obviously this is unhealthy. It's also patently untrue, as demonstrated by the support I and my work have been given in the months following my return.

A part of me kind of cringes to discuss this at all, because it feels unfair to the people who've offered that support—I don't want anyone to feel like I haven't appreciated it, because I have. But I lay all this out to lead to the conclusion I've come to, which I want to share, because it feels like the gateway into finally leaving Myka, and all of these things I've been feeling, behind for good.

I've talked to friends since then, gotten context, and I've evaluated my tenure as a whole in this community in effort to understand.

The thing at the core of this issue is that my confidence was shaken. Both by the incident itself, and everything that followed it.

While it was happening, I was under a microscope, and found inadequate. I couldn't talk about it, because that would only make things worse for me. When I came back, I felt like I was still under the microscope, and I still couldn't talk about it—and in addition, it seemed like I had earn my place here again.

Feeling like that has made it really, really hard to enjoy being here. But I know that feeling isn't entirely rational. And if I don't want to feel that way anymore, I have to let myself say the things I need to say and make the things I want to make, and I have to let myself enjoy doing it.

I want to be here. Despite everything, I still belong here, even if I don't feel like I do. I've been so afraid to talk about Myka all this time, really, because I didn't think any of you wanted to hear about it. I thought it would drive you away.

But I've talked about it now. And you've all listened. So that means I'm allowed feel confident about everything else.

Thank you.

[bottomtommykinard]

crashthatcopter -> babygirltommykinard

too lazy to tag anyone but changed my url finally. poll's been done for days but finally got around to it

[sillayangel]

OUT OF NOWHERE SHE'S CHANGING URL. ON ABSOLUTE IMPULSE. ZERO THOUGHT PUT INTO THIS WHATSOEVER

CYANAMPERSAND -> SILLAYANGEL

i've had this url ever since i joined the website in... november 2012?? been wanting to change it for YEARS and never got around to it bc i kept making such a big deal out of it in my mind. i've used this username for nearly every account i've used in the last decade. it's time to finally say goodbye.

[deathswcrn-a]

Here's a post I probably should have made a while ago but for reasons Haven't. If you don't care about the details....

TLDR: brain broke, I have potential fixes on the horizon but nothing guaranteed besides Spring, in the interim I'm gonna move blogs and give myself a fresh start

The longer story is... I have seasonal depression (extra spicy depression on top of the usual mental illnesses). It's not usually an issue where writing is concerned because writing is my retreat. When the world feels like it sucks, I can usually count on the fictional world to suck less and so I don't withdraw. hell, I started RPing in the winter last year!

And I don't know, something about this winter's been different. Maybe it's finally hitting the point with my ADHD where I knew treatment was becoming a life-or-death situation. Maybe it's stress from the half dozen things I have going on in my life including wedding planning. but my brain gave up. it threw down all my creative outlets and stamped it's little feet and decided until things change I just don't get to Make Stuff for a while. i feel like a cartoon with smoke coming out of my ears most of the time.

creative fallow periods happen, I'm a little upset about it but I recognise in the circle of life it'll come back to me. in the meantime, I have a few things I'm slowly chipping away at and planning:

ADHD getting diagnosed and hopefully treated? By the end of the month I hope to have the paperwork in hand and making my first medication titration appointment.

New blog! not ready to unveil it and move but it's Happening. it will have the same url (it's got a placeholder rn).

new ocs, including iachesis (fish out of water but the water is a terrible ideology), caelria (lawmaker in a struggle with her family's killer) and hrothmar (a lich fighting with many, many demons (survivor's guilt and bisexuality))

something else writing related, a lil secret project. okay. i lied. it's not little.

i really appreciate everyone's patience and those few people who have stuck around to chat even though we're not writing: MVPs, the lot of you.

[cadmium-creme-egg]

Eyyy, finally got around to changing my url

totally-not-deacon is still there in spirit, but I wanted a more fandom-neutral name for now.

[transmurderbug]

🪱Weekly Tag Wednesday🪱

Thank you for the tags Macy @heymacy, Evie @energievie, Pie @gallapiech, Kat @mybrainismelted, Rory @roryonic

Kak @stocious and Keely @thepupperino 🥰 you all get a cookie: 🍪

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

name: Sky 🪲

age: It's not my turn to have it.

location: Underwater in a nice cave.

top sheet, yes or no? English bed vocabulary will never not confuse me. Just give me a blanket.

how many stuffed animals do you own? A LOT. I'll have to count them one day. I collected them as a child and never got rid of them.

the names of your pets (and the explanations behind them): My dog is Muri, which translates to "spree" or "fun", more or less. He got his name when he was being transported to our shelter. I don't know the exact reason, but I always thought it was because when he wags his tail, his entire body moves like a snake and that's "muris", so "funny", basically. My cockatiel is called Pogi. It stems from the word "pogácsa" which is this slavic/balkan/(Hungarian) puff pastry. Pogi is the shortened version of the word, and my brother named him.

favorite color: I only ever managed to narrow it down to four colors, black, blue, green and orange.

any tattoos? Ask me again in... [checks calendar] 7 days!

how you transport your belongings (purse, tote, hands, pockets, etc.): Bag and pockets. I have my system.

the last movie you watched: The Ghost and the Darkness (1996) with @creepkinginc and @ian-galagher. It was fun!

how long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 20-ish minutes.

favorite weather: That very specific one that happens around the end of September, when it's cool already, but still happy summer-y warm. Also rainy. And I love the snow.

relationship status: Single.

ice cream flavor of choice: Hmmm. Menthol+chocolate. It sounds weird, but it's lovely.

first fandom: Good question. Supernatural, I think?

how many books have you read this year? I have NO idea.

first 4 words of your last notes app entry: Paradicsom (tomato), olaj (oil), sajt (cheese), tojás (egg). Why isn't this in my shopping list folder though.

and finally, if you had to change your URL tomorrow, what would you change it to? No please, it was so hard to come up with this one (and I didn't do it alone, thank you Kaka for the input again :ianguestwomb:). Maybe murderbug. So creative, I know.

I cant believe how on time I am! Be proud of me please.

Tags below the cut, join if you wanna, if not, here, have some ice cream: 🍦

@ian-galagher @creepkinginc @transmickey @spacerockwriting @palepinkgoat

@jrooc @deathclassic @blue-disco-lights @spookygingerr @lee-ow

@look-i-love-u @sam-loves-seb @ms-moonlight-inn @lupeloto

@sickness-health-all-that-shit @sleepyheadgallavich @darlingian @transsexual-dandelions @mickittotheman and anyone I'm forgetting.

[iceyiceice]

weekly tag wednesday thursday

thanks for tagging me @heymacy , @energievie , @gallapiech , @deedala , @roryonic

@stocious , @transsexual-dandelions , @thepupperino , @sgtmickeyslaughter , @creepkinginc

@transmurderbug , @mickeym4ndy @atthedugouts & @burninface

wow so many friends this week, sorry I'm late. yesterday was my 'gallavich summer writing camp' bunks posting date! this is my first time writing so it'd mean the world to me if you checked it out here. anyway, here's my answers...

name: ice

age: older than yesterday, younger than tomorrow

location: ao3

top sheet, yes or no? we don't really do that in the uk. here's my recipe for a good bed:

mattress

2 mattress toppers (they're basically duvets that go on top of your mattress and make it comfier)

bottom sheet (has to be fitted, I hate the ones you have to fold)

duvet in a duvet cover

huge blanket

(and of course pillows)

how many stuffed animals do you own?

I have quite a few but I don't have any out on display

the names of your pets (and the explanations behind them):

lola. no explanation, it's just a cute name. she suits it though!

favorite color: I can never answer this question. if you have seen my art you probably know that I just love colour, it's hard to pick one. also, on last weeks tag game a few people wanted a room tour, so, I went around my room and colour picked colours to make a palette...

any tattoos?

yes, I have 3 tattoos

how you transport your belongings (purse, tote, hands, pockets, etc.):

for the gym/shopping I have a lush tote bag like 90% of the young women in the uk. however I recently got a really cute handbag that I use if I'm being fancy

the last movie you watched:

pitch perfect 3 with some awesome nerds

how long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

if I'm working I take hours (I work at home so I do it in stages lol), if I'm actually getting ready and doing hair and make up then its an hour but I'm including making and eating breakfast in that

favorite weather: hot

relationship status: hot to go

ice cream flavor of choice: pistachio

first fandom: one direction (...)

how many books have you read this year? I'm not sure, definitely less than previous years, I've been doing art in the time that I previously used to read (fanfic time is another category of reading and nothing gets in the way of that)

first 4 words of your last notes app entry:

if you can try (its a copy and pasted reminder from @gallapiech that I actually don't need now lol)

and finally, if you had to change your URL tomorrow, what would you change it to?

spookygingerrr

no tags today bc I'm late but heyyyyy!

[rosieuv]

New website is up!

Finally, after like 2 months: I finished it!

I never want to touch HTML ever again.

Here it is:

I thought I should do a little commentary here as it isn't just some standard linktree/carrd.co thing anyone with a free afternoon can crap out (and also because I'm vain) so here's the commentary:

The problem with my old one was that it was getting too crowded for all the stuff I was chucking at it. I mean, look at this header:

It's a mess!

I wanted to make something that had everything in nice neat categories, and also this was in a time where I was unsatisfied at how flat UI design had become and was starting to long the futiger aero windows XP-7 days. I wanted to make it look detailed and shiny and more personal. I deleted everything off and for 2 months, this was what the website looked like:

(I didn't have a more up to date "under construction" picture so I used the one from Sci-Fi RaiRoboska!?).

I didn't realise it would take 2 months but I didn't want a repeat of last time where I was talking on discord with someone and they were looking at my website as I was designing it as I was doing it live in Neocities and I left the link in my bio.

I used the same layout builder as I still didn't know how containers worked then. It ended up causing some problems later down the line with media querys (FUCK media querys) but it's decent enough to get you started. I did some fiddling with the header so it was the right length (dear god that took a while) and had to do that airbrush thing multiple times just to get it looking right.

I drew this background at around the same time and used my OCs from San_Watsaku as it's my latest game and I don't really have another group of OCs from a game that's released. Annoyingly, I couldn't get the sizing to work on a regular 1080p widescreen display so the top and bottom cuts out. I was trying to go for a similar approach to how Newgrounds does the background arts.

I had a wayback machine page of Newgrounds in 2013 in the early days as reference on how to make things look cool, as well as some pages from this website that has a collection of screenshots of webpages, specifically for UI reference. I was trying to make it look like a website from the late 2000s-early 2010s where everything wasn't flat but also wasn't as shiny as windows 7 (usually).

I put little doodles of myself across the pages because it looks more interesting than a flat button saying "video games". That sidebar is annoying though as it has a habit of cutting off if the main box isn't the right shape by the pixel.

I was very proud of these buttons when I got them working. The design changed a bit as I realised that it needed to be longer to fit properly.

Wasn't sure what to do with tumblr though:

I used a speech bubble drawing for my bio thing to make it look more aesthetic and also to flex that I didn't use AI at all as AI can't replicate my shaky-ass hand. I found this file called "avocadoplaceholder.jpg" which seems to be what I was using to figure out sizing.

For the stuff below the main boxes, I googled for stuff to chuck on a neocities page as it was too boring just having the bluesky embed sitting there. I went on the gif hunt at 11 pm while some AI bro on discord was calling me an idiot for actually coding and drawing the UI. I put some other stuff to pad space, like the pixel art and the links to my older websites. I added some stuff to it over time, like the interests list and the music section once I finally figured out how to get audio players working (literally earlier today lol). I wanted to add music for each page but decided against that. I wanted music on the main page though but couldn't for the life of me get it to work until I was trying to add a preloader (didn't work) and the website I was on was another neocities one that had an audio player but had the "neocities.org" thing in the URL so I knew they weren't a supporter. I went into inspect element and figured out that dropbox works and that's why I now have a dropbox account. Couldn't find a tutorial on how to make it not look basic though, so all I did was make it shorter and blue.

I made unique backgrounds for each of the pages to differentiate them and I made these from scratch as I actually figured out how containers and grids worked.

And of course: matching headers:

For each page: there's a doodle of me doing something vaguely relevant to the topic, little circles as links for the socials I have that apply to that thing (Newgrounds is on all of them and YouTube is on 3/4 of them.) I then used that speech bubble thing to make backgrounds for all the little bios. The music one was originally much longer but I cut it down significantly so it would fit. I used the empty spaces for doodles.

continuing...

[swordbird7]

I finally got around to changing my URL :D

[okthatsgreat]

WOWWWW it has been so so so long. i changed my url even. kozuelovemail …. But just got caught up and the last chapter made me sprint around my house and run into various objects. i might be back when i get everything down into Words but god the way hiyoko’s trying but she’s like. awful at it. mikan trying but also being so capable of that kind of cruelty. FINALLY getting more insight into The Akane Incident. so good!!!!!!!!! do u have any insights into ur writing process here ,,,

HIIIIIII HI HI!!!!!!!!! NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN loving the name change. it rules so hardddd hiiii :3

IVE BEEN SO EXCITEDDD for this one ive been so exciteddd. so much bitterness all compiling until this very momenttt where everybody reverts back to a version of themselves they hate so badddddddddd. YAYYY!!!!!

AND of course The Akane Incident YEA!!! really having fun piecing together what her whole deal is........... slowly but surely. and we'll definitely be getting more into that next chapter with her and fuyuhiko. Jesus

SOME INSIGHTS DOWN BELOW!!!!

OK SO!! a LOT of this chapter was straight up dialogueeeeee it was almost like writing a script there was so much dialogue LMAO. something i do with huge dialogue scenes like this is take a lesson from every acting class and give every character a motive going in. so basically everybody in that room had a goal or a position to take in that scene and i made sure a lot of it clashheeedddd just to really amp up the tension. mikans role was to explain and then to defend herself at any cost, a lot of which stems from this "me and against them" mentality that she's backed herself into. hiyokos was to understand/to defend the kids, and while she does genuinely care about making sure those kids are safe she is really uncomfortable around mikan and that tends to make her louder/more argumentative/more suspicious in her unease. ibuki is unusually quiet and her goal is to have little opinion especially if that opinion goes against what mikan is saying (reflecting that gullible disease she had in the killing game). mahiru is in that uncomfortable position where she has to act as a sort of moderator, especially with hiyoko and mikan but more so hiyoko (which has already been established as a role she doesnttttt want to take lol). and because this scene was so argumentative i felt it was best if none of them ever really "achieved" their goal in the end lmaoo

with arguments as well i LOVEEEEE having characters cut each other off and stammer!!!! i think its important to note that in real life arguments dont tend to be these perfect back and forths where Person A gets to say something biting and then Person B waits their turn before saying something biting back. depending on the character and also how much power they have in the conversation, a lot of the time people will fight for their voice to be heard or make smaller comments in between sentences if this makes sense. especially with characters like hiyoko and mikan, hiyoko especially wants to feel heard, which means when she DOES get a moment to speak it tends to come out a bit louder and more biting. mikan, who is rambling at this point and hardly listening, will cut people off a lot and in turn has to BE cut off. so nobody in this scene (especially when it gets super tense!!) is able to communicate their opinion in a formal, "perfect" way, whether that be because another character is unwilling to listen, they are stammering or nervous, or simply because they just keep getting cut off by another character who wants to state their piece !!! does any of that make sense.

and then of course with dialogue heavy scenes building tension is important too!!! with this scene especially it starts out at its lowest, builds tension, goes back down again, and then REALLYYYY BUILDS up until mikan yells out that last comment!!! i tried playing with who was "in control" of the conversation just to help build that tension, and had it flip flop back and forth between people pretty often as it progressed. like as much as hiyoko acts confident and loud i tried to have a few moments where its clear she is losing control in this conversation while mikan is grabbing it, and vice versa. and even at the end when mikan """won""" the argument she immediately reverts back to powerless and lets the other three take control of whatever happens next

with two characters who are both so angry but so different it was a TON OF FUN TO WRITE!!!!!!!!!!!! because ultimately their discomfort over their past is turning them into people they well and truly hate and they KNOWWWW that, which is just making them even MORE uneased and argumentative. mikans pov deals a lot with regret and how angry she was becoming with this, and its all balled up into THIS! this TERRIBLE TERRIBLE SITUATION!!! especially with how high-stakes everything is, its extremely difficult for mikan and hiyoko to have a rational explanation where they explain their feelings in a calm and collected manner without the both of them reverting back to their high-school selves.... mikans resentment boiling over and her need to defend herself quickly turning into a need to hurt others, and hiyoko feeling as if the only way she can obtain power over the person who killed her is by becoming harsh and mean. YAY!

anyways goddd. hopefully this was understandable im just typing words at this point HGJFDKG. but YEAH SUPER FUN TO WRITE CANT WAIT TO GET BACK TO AKANE because yeppppppp her situation is slowly becoming more clear :) its all so fucked up

[squishsfx]

Did you just recently get into Severence bc of the new season or have yall been watching all along?

The new pfp slaps and im so glad u have your urls in your pinned bc my goodness i gotta keep track of ya somehow lol :)

(Genuinely not an inconvenience- i recognize yalls style enough that i can usually figure out the new name and theme before i have to check the pinned :P :D )

We've been wanting to into Severance since, like, August, but never got around to it, and then finally did and were pleasantly surprised to find out there was a new season.

And yeah, sorry we change it every time you look away.