#finally cut my hair so i probably pass now woohoo

[5499h]

Got a wallet chain from hot topic bc its one of those things I've always thought was Cool and man is it great for stimming but the second my school finds out I've replaced my previous stim jewelry (there was a Thing about how they didn't like it and I'm pretty much not supposed to wear it) with an actual metal chain they're going to go bananas

Really tho this thing is even better it makes jingly sounds it's heavy I can wear it around my neck if I wanna , , good shit

[nct-lian]

relationships outside of sm

JENNIE + LIAN: JENLI

so iconic omg like how they do it, i have no idea

they hang out all the time and lian is literally ALWAYS on jennie’s instagram

the two of them once had an instagram story conversation over pigtails

like,, jennie posted a picture of lian’s pigtails for that one bicycle performance on her story and captioned it “pigtail baby” and then lian reposted it on her own story with a picture of jennie’s pigtails, captioning it “pigtail eomma”

speaking of eomma, jennie is genuinely her mother

jennie takes her shopping all the time

and in return, lian buys her food

the interactions these two used to have at award shows were SO CUTE

everyone remembers when jennie pretty much yelled out lian’s name and she just came running over to the members of blackpink after taeyong let her leave :(

i’m crying just thinking about it help

jennie also posted a full on instagram post for lian on her birthday and had such a sweet caption with it

it was something like “my daughter is finally 21 today! i hope she has an amazing day and i can’t wait to see her later tonight to give her a gift :) haneullie, lots of love from jennie eomma”

SPEAKING OF THE GIFT,, jennie bought her a whole ass $9000 necklace from chanel because she knew that lian was looking for more

IM IN TEARS AND SO ARE YOU ADMIT IT RN

jenli kpop bestest duo

dispatch once thought jennie was on a date with a girl but it turned out to just be her walking lian home after going shopping with her so they never posted anything about it

they were embarrassed they got something wrong so i get it

omfg when news came out that lian and jinwoo broke up mama jennie was threatening to punch the shit out of him

KEVIN + LIAN: LIMOON

what i’ve been waiting to write for so long okay here we go

so mf chaotic like there are compilations made of these two that scream “go crazy go stupid”

their time as guest mc’s for inkigayo was probably some of the best kpop content we’d gotten in a long ass time

KEVIN IS CAUTIOUS WHEN LETTING HER MEET HIS MEMBERS

cause she’s such a good friend to him and wtf why would he wanna share

“mine mine mine mine” constant dory vibes 24/7

lian thrives off of calling him by his korean name because she knows it annoys him

he’s constantly teasing her for having bagged milk in toronto so he deserves it

the one time lian and jacob talked to each other they seemed to be getting along too much for kevin’s liking so he really went:

“okay lian isn’t it time for you to go” because he WAS GETTING JEALOUSJCLSJX

their styles are pretty much complete opposites and everytime they take pictures together kevin never forgets to mention how off it all looks

“tf is that why are your clothes so boring”

“okay sNaKe pAnTs” because of that one eric moment on kpop daebak show where he said kevin had pants with snakes on them

ALSO BTW LIANS CLOTHES ARENT FUCKING BORING SHES JUST FANCY LIKE THAT

i’m getting heated let me calm down.

they normally speak in english to each other but since lian seems to be stuttering over her words when she isn’t speaking korean, he mixes in a few korean phrases every now and then to help her out

kevin is arguably the most hype every single time lian performs, like he really thinks there isn’t anything better

LIAN MAKES SURE TO UPDATE HER INSTAGRAM STORY WHENEVER TBZ HAVE A COMEBACK SO NCTZENS GO SUPPORT THEM

LIA + LIAN: LILIA

more lian x the canadian line WOOHOO

lia spent her trainee days really looking up to lian and she’s even mentioned before that she’d love for itzy to get the chance to collab with her for a song

she really has her fingers crossed for that btw

they actually met during an award show when ryujin, chaeryeong and yuna all had to leave because it was past curfew

lian decided to sit next to them and during all the intermissions between performances she, lia and yeji conversed to pass time

they ended up growing a friendship together but lian has a stronger bond with lia

she loves all the girls either way but yk

lia and lian love going to cafes together and taking adorable pictures :(

like whenever lia posts on itzy’s instagram midzeys don’t exactly know whether or not lian would be on it too :0

like lian normally posts all the scenery pictures she gets to keep her instagram pleasing whereas lia posts the pictures the two of them take together

my heart </3

lian treats lia like a whole daughter because it isn’t often she finds girls that are younger than her

*screams in the fact that majority of sm’s female artists are all from 2015 and under*

like when i say lian SPOILS her i’m not joking

she will randomly call lia up like:

“hey i’m gonna get you out of that dungeon, come get some chicken with me”

and then they’ll just hang out together

but only if lian is out of the dungeon herself because wbk she ain’t treated very well </3

EUNWOO + LIAN: WOOLI

their chemistry is fucking insane holy shit

like their acting for past to present was seriously so praised, netizens found it hard to believe it was all just for the show

dating rumours follow these two everywhere,, like everywhere

it’s one of the most popular ships inside ncity when it comes to lian and other idols

i kid you not one tweet said “chanhyeok treated jihye so well in past to present, i’m only wondering how well eunwoo would treat lian 👀”

LIKE STOP PUTTING IDEAS INTO PEOPLES HEADS YOURE KILING ME HERE ISTG

but yeah they do look really good together

and they’re an amazing pair for acting

when eunwoo started working with inyeop for true beauty, he said:

“hyung’s dating my girlfriend” because of the fact that both of them have acted with lian and BOTH of them dated her in the dramas

what a coincidence though

we all cried when we saw chanhyeok and jihye kiss for the first time DONT LIE

EUNWOO FOLLOWS HER ON INSTAGRAM

and they wished each other happy birthday on their instagram stories

there’s actually people who like to think that they dated while filming for past to present andddd they radiate big delulu vibes

like you know liskook shippers? wooli shipped are kinda the same, but not as intense (thank god)

BUT CAN WE BLAME THEM LIKE THEIR CHEMISTRY? THE WAY THEY TALKED TO EACH OTHER? PLEASE

they took a lot of cute pictures together behind the scenes (ノ﹏ヽ)

MOMO + LIAN: LIMO

DANCER DUO DANCER DUO

this ship isn’t actually as popular as we would like it to be, but nonetheless people love limo

a lot of interactions during award shows !!

like for example momo’s fancams always captured her dancing perfectly to lian’s choreo

and lian smiling in momo’s direction

i love them

when lian found out about heechul and momo’s relationship, she asked momo if she was her mom now because of how much of a father figure she considers heechul to be JDFJK

“i mean sure”

they’ve actually done a vlive together before (ᗒᗨᗕ)

it was when lian visited her at the twice dorms and they ended up getting bored so they decided to do a vlive in the living room

THEY PLAYED DARE OR DARE AND LIAN HAD TO DO THE TEARS CHALLENGE (so chan whee) ON MOMOS KARAOKE MACHINE

her throat was dry for the rest of the night

after seeing momo’s hair for the i can’t stop me era, lian actually wanted to cut it like that

but she decided against it because she loves her long hair too much

the two of them met on hit the stage where they competed against each other in a freestyle dance battle

after that they just started casually talking over the phone and became great friends

with the way momo talks about lian, you’d think they’re dating-

“oh, lian- she’s so pretty! i love her a lot!”

and the same goes for lian, she loves talking about momo’s dancing skills

JACKSON + LIAN: JACKLIAN

her dad :/

adopted her with amber liu like a year ago so now she’s just his daughter

supports each other like crazy not even joking

jackson promotes her on instagram and twitter 24/7

THEY HAVE SO MANY INTERACTIONS THANK GOD

lian was once given a ridiculously short dress while attending an award show and jackson gave her his jacket to wear over her legs because she wasn’t provided a blanket :(

(keep in mind, she went there without the members!)

lian added all his music to her playlist :)

once got drunk together and spent like three hours doing karaoke but it’s okay cause it was fun

speaking of getting drunk, jackson’s the cool dad that lets her do whatever she wants

he has his protective moments where he’s like “ma’am where are you going on that short of a dress” but he’s also like “hey wanna go get chicken and soju”

they both appeared on a radio show together as guests and they ruined the whole broadcast because they were too loud

like they kept getting out of their seats to go wave at all the fans outside the window and they were just fighting back and forth about whether or not lian’s extensions look real

according to jackson, they’re “NOT AUTHENTIC ENOUGH- LOVE YOUR HAIR FOR WHAT IT IS, LIANNA HANEUL BAE.” lian’s hair lives matter :/

PLSSS WHEN HYOSEOP AND LIAN STARTED DATING- no

jackson was so proud that his good friend was smooching his other good friend but the protective dad instincts really kicked in

“break her heart and you die no cap”

was surprisingly chill when they broke up though, he was just glad lian didn’t cry

SUNMI + LIAN: SUNLI

SUNMI IS HER MOM OHMYGOD

so many interactions

honestly took lian under wing once she debuted as a soloist

female kpop soloists gotta have each other’s backs in this industry man :(

sunmi calls lian her princess SOBS

lian always hugs sunmi at award shows, like if they’re sitting close together

or if they’re standing next to each other on stage

you bet your ass lian is gripping onto sunmi for dear life

did a photoshoot together for marie claire korea

they’re so hot bro

BUT THEY FIRST MET ON WEEKLY IDOL NOT LONG AFTER LIAN DEBUTED AS A SOLOIST

they were kinda awkward ngl uh

but by the end of it they were besties :DD

and they’ve been besties ever since

lian is the ceo of doing dance covers for sunmi’s songs

cmon lian we’re waiting for tail 👀

sunmi has actually met lian’s grandma </3

like her and lian were hanging out at the dorms while the boys were out on a schedule and her grandma just randomly showed up with homemade food so that was definitely a win

BANG CHAN + LIAN: LICHAN

they’ve been friends for a LOOONGGG time

and chain’s known her since dating back to like, smrookies era when lian was still a red velvet member

like at that time she had no idea he existed, but he was keeping up with her daily :(

chan plays her music on vlives all the time and he always knows the dance moves

like he just dances along in his chair and mumbles the lyrics

we love to see it

a lot of fans ship them together

SURPRISE SURPRSIE AH

only because chan gives off big pining energy

lian only looks at him like “:D” whereas he looks at her like “♡•♡”

kinda sad but

lian promotes him on live so often HVKSVU

“my friend chan is coming back with his group soon, you should check it out! :)”

and the way she just says “my friend chan” LIKE ITS SO OBVIOUSLY A FRIENDZONE BUT HE THINKS ITS ADORABLE

he once got a comment on a vlive to react to lian moments, obviously complying because who wouldn’t

there was this one clip of her saying “my friend chan from stay kids!” and whoever edited the compilation added in squishy noises right after while zooming in on her face

AND CHAN BLUSHED SO HARD NOO

“oh- hahaha, uhh, she’s so cute aw hahahah”

ASHLEY + LIAN: ASHLI

oh god not another lian x mom ship

ASHLEY LOVES LIAN WOAH

like she’s submitted lian’s resume to bm so many times so they could be part of the big tiddie committee together

ashley is constantly, and i mean constantly, reposting all of lian’s posts on her story with captions like “LOOK AT HER GO”

and lian has even discovered all the cool instagram filters because of ashley, and now we get the quality content from her that WE DESERVEEEEE

back when lian’s album came out, all ashley’s story really was was just screenshots of her streaming all the songs and calling them bops

when they first met in person after texting back in forth, ashley spammed her instagram story with pictures of lian that she took without her looking

these two radiate a lot of “YES GIRL WORKKK ITTT TURN THIS WAY OKAYYY POSE POSE POSE” energy

lian’s been featured in one of ashley’s youtube videos and it was when they met for the first time :)

they exchange a lot of gifts through the mail

like lian once found a mug when shopping with doyoung and she thought that it would fit ashley’s taste so she sent it to her apartment

and ever since then they just send random little gifts to each other’s houses

it’s so cute

MATCHING BUCKET HATS THEY HAVE MATCHING BUCKET HATS !!!!!!

ashley talks about lian all the time

she always says that for someone so young, she’s accomplished a lot and she’s really proud of her

they wanna do tiktoks with each other but they never have the time </3

lian spam comments on ashley’s instagram like “WOAH” “OKAYYYY” “YESYESYES”

[airi-p4]

From above the stars - Chapter 1

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | …

I’m finally posting this! It’s my ‘Adrien is dead’ fic, and I call this ‘tragedy fic’ for a reason. TW: Major character death, blood Summary:

Marinette was at the hospital, injured, when she was delivered the news:

'Adrien is dead'

It couldn't be true, right? He was her boyfriend and soulmate, he couldn't be dead! She had to see it to believe it.

At the cemetery, her fears were confirmed... And all her hope lost... But whose is that music that matches so perfectly with her feelings? Who is that young blue-haired man playing the guitar at the cemetery and giving her hope?

AO3

________________________________________________

CHAPTER 1

Pi. Pi. Pi.

It’s 3:11 AM when the girl resting on a bed opens her eyes at the sound of a continuous alarm. Her first sight is a white ceiling covered in dark, such as the room she’s in, filled with heavy and depressing air.

The young woman’s eyes move to look at her surroundings, barely able to tell them apart. The light coming from the same source as the sound, that has just accelerated, allows her to get a grasp of the room she is in. The high-pitched sounds start beeping even faster.

A hospital room.

‘Why am I here?’ she jolts in panic, listening to how her heart-rate accelerates. She notices her arm is connected to serum and oxygen is directly connected to her respiratory vials.

'Who am I?'

The paper band on her wrist gives her the answer.

Name: Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Age: 21.

‘What happened to me?’

She tries to remember, focusing on her last memory, what happened to her to become immobilized, pain coming from every single part of her body - with some special attention to her left arm and leg, ribs, head, and neck. She was still unaware of the damage in her heart.

Eventually, some flashes start appearing in her mind:

She remembers a night party, fancy dresses, dancing, eating, drinking...

The dizziness caused by the alcohol... Kisses with someone with blond hair. Who…?

"Marinette!" Someone had called her.

"Adrien!" She had called him back. 'Adrien’. Her boyfriend- she realizes.

Her memories turn blurrier from that point.

She remembers riding a car. Someone beside her driving. Sensations of speed. A dark road. And fear.

At some point, she had screamed: ‘Stop!’

Her eyes still close automatically at the memory of the sudden bright light that blinded her, and her ears can still hear the sound of the car tyres squealing on the asphalt. *screech*

And a scream. Was it hers? She isn’t sure.

Then a CRASH. A big impact that resonated through all her body.

She remembers loud glass breaking sounds, too. But nothing is as impregnated in her memories and soul as the green eyes full of apology beside her: the last thing she remembers.

‘What happened? Where's Adrien?’

"Adrien, Adrien, Adrien!!" She screams in despair. The nurse notices and quickly calls the doctor. She obeys him and gives her an intravenous dose of something to calm her down. Marinette can hear a voice before passing out. ‘Poor lady’.

As the daylight filters through the curtains, a flash of memories comes back with the brightness of sunlight: Those green eyes belonged to Adrien: he was the driver that night.

"Adrien! I need to see Adrien!" She refuses to believe something bad could have happened to him. She needs to see him. She needs to confirm he is fine. She needs him by her side- forever together, as they promised years ago.

______________

"Adrien is dead." Someone said.

She must have heard it wrong because he couldn't be dead. He was her soulmate and they were meant to be forever together. Become a family, with 3 children and a hamster, a lovely house… a fairy tale happily ever after.

The same words came out of a policeman's voice instants later: "Adrien Agreste couldn't be saved, it was too late when the medics arrived. I'm sorry for your loss"

The interrogation that followed had no answer. Marinette was too shocked to speak, even to think or blink - white as a sheet of paper. Dead in life.

He’s dead. Adrien is dead.

_________________________

Three days later, Marinette’s memories finally seemed to have cleared up.

Marinette’s POV

We were leaving the party. Adrien was going to take me home in his fancy, expensive sports car. We had drunk some alcohol so I asked him to call his bodyguard to take us instead. But he refused: “I can control this, I haven’t drunk much. Trust me” he had said. And I trusted him.

He drove perfectly fine, his control on the wheels was perfect, as always. So I relaxed. I think the effect of the alcohol might have been delayed, because later, he became euphoric, excited, desiring to have fun. He had put on some loud strident music on the radio.

“This is the perfect song for this road full of curves. I’ll show you how I drift!” he grinned, turning his car mode into a manual one, stepping harder at the gas pedal.

“Adrien! It’s dangerous! Stop!” I said, scared of the increasing speed.

“Hey, it’s ok! I’m not called Chat Noir for no reason! I’m the king of the night!” His wink made me feel hot inside. He looked so handsome with all that self-confidence… And wow, his driftings were cool. I can’t deny how adrenaline flowed through my veins, encouraged by the alcohol I had drank some minutes ago. “Woohoo!!” Adrien shouted, as his drifting continued.

I knew it was dangerous, but it was fun. And I love seeing his grinning face as he drives.

How could I even think that? What’s wrong with me? I should have been more persistent. It must have been the alcohol…

And later, when we reached the final curve, Adrien was prepared to perform a final special drift. “Last one, bugaboo. Hold still” he grinned, looking at my face. He looked extremely cool and handsome. He stepped on the gas and the car followed his instructions. His beautiful green eyes were full of passion.

And then, CRASH.

Another car appeared out of nowhere, from the opposite direction and speeding towards us. The sudden light of the automobile’s brights blinded Adrien’s green cat-like eyes to the point he lost control of his vehicle. It was only at the last second he managed to make the car turn to the right in the way he thought I could take the least possible damage. And he had been right. My life has been spared thanks to that move. But not his- who took the entire impact of the crash. I could see the front and left side window glasses breaking, their shattered pieces flying all over the car insides after the sudden bump, cutting some of my skin and leaving a quite deep cut on my neck. But the vision only lasted for one second before everything turned pitch black, after closing my eyes bracing for fatal impact. I was ready to die with my soulmate- together in life and death.

But I survived.

The permanent scar left on my neck and my injuries are proof enough the accident was real, despite the wish that it was just a nightmare.

I regret deeply not having stopped my boyfriend. Adrien protected my life, yes, but at what cost? My mind has suffered the most. I still have some lacunes in my memory and I know I’ll probably never be able to heal. Whenever I gaze at the stars, I keep wondering if Adrien is up there now. And whenever he is in my thoughts, I can’t stop my tears from falling, blurring my eyes.

“Adrien… Why did you leave me alone? I need you…”

[ohbae-me]

"and then i knew that i could become homesick for you too" or "I missed being with you like this" with mammon, please !

Hope it’s okay I combined these two! They just worked so perfectly. Again, this ended up longer than planned, and I even had to shorten it down and stop myself from adding on another couple thousand words. I have too many Mammon feels. I hope this one is okay! I had a lot I wanted to add, but felt like it was too much..

Mammon x MC; SFW, fluff

Ever since MC had gone home, an air of gloom had stuck around the House of Lamentation. No one had talked about it, but it went without saying that things were just much less interesting without the constant shenanigans MC used to rope them all into somehow. 

Lucifer had expected there to be an adjustment period after she left, seeing how close all seven of his brothers had gotten with her. Even the eldest himself had to admit that he missed her. But what Lucifer hadn’t anticipated was Mammon’s reaction. He’d known his younger brother was closest to the human, and that he’d cared for her a great deal. However, Lucifer had known him for thousands of years. Watched him chase many romantic feats, for better or worse. Mammon had always lost interest quickly, pursuing his next venture with renewed vigor. Whether it be his next money making scheme, or his next fling, Mammon never sulked for long. It was probably the one aspect of Mammon’s personality that Lucifer actually admired. 

It had been several months now since she’d returned home. It was time for Lucifer to step in. Discreetly, of course.  

As he’d made his way around the rooms for surprise inspections, he’d casually let it slip to Mammon that he’d be gone the next day as he had important business in the human world. And it just so happens that it’s in the same city as their former exchange student. 

Lucifer put on a good show of initially denying Mammon the chance to accompany him. He let him beg and plead his little heart out before the first born oh so graciously agreed to let him come. 

Mammon had been laying on his bed, aimlessly flipping through various apps on his phone. Nothing quite seemed to peak his interest though, he thought with a sigh. His eyes fell on his home screen, a photo of him and MC with the alien-panda stuffie she had made. The one still sitting on his bed that he often woke up clutching. 

He had been so lost in thought, he almost hadn’t noticed Lucifer enter his room for inspection. He barely acknowledged his elder brother as he went about his business, until he heard Lucifer mention that he’d be visiting the human world. Specifically MC’s home city. 

Mammon couldn’t fly out of bed fast enough to block Lucifer from leaving the room. He’d begged and pleaded and made more promises than he’d probably ever be able to keep, but Lucifer had finally agreed. 

He would get to see MC again!

Mammon spent the rest of the night outlining how he’d wanted it to go. He’d planned the perfect lines. She’d be so impressed by how suave he was! He wondered if she’d hug him tight and tell him she missed him, like he himself has been so desperate to do.  He hadn’t gotten to say everything he’d wanted to before she left, and the regret seized his heart and mind every single day that she’d been gone. 

He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

The next morning, Mammon beat Lucifer to his study. He’d been leaning against the doorway, tapping his foot when the eldest turned the corner, eyebrow quirked. He knew Mammon would be eager, but it was almost unheard of for any of his brothers to beat him anywhere. 

Lucifer, deciding not to push to matter, simply handed Mammon a slip of paper with an address written on it. 

“Don’t forget, if you do anything to cause Lord Diavolo or myself any problems whatsoever-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mammon waved it off. He knew his punishment if he caused any trouble, and he certainly wasn’t going to risk never being able to visit MC again. “Best behavior and whatnot.”

Lucifer sighed. He hoped he wouldn’t regret this.

It had been a while since Mammon had last been allowed to roam the human world, but he found it familiar still. It was a lot like MC had described to him. He found a taxi easily enough, and gave the driver the address. 

Mammon’s heart raced as the cab pulled up to an apartment building. It looked classy compared to some of the other places they had passed, and Mammon was impressed. Once he was standing outside her door though, Mammon felt himself falter, mind blank. Damn it! He’d planned this out so perfectly too! Every last line meticulously devised to impress MC when he finally saw her again. 

His heart stopped altogether when he heard the lock click and handle turn. He stood there frozen, arm raised like he was about to knock, face to face with a wide eyed MC. 

“Mammon?! You scared me half to death! What are you doing here?!” She stood there in shock, hand over her chest trying to calm her heart. She hadn’t expected someone to be standing right there, let alone a demon. 

Words, Mammon, words! He scolded himself.

“W-well, I happened to have some very important business here, and I figured you must be dyin for a visit from THE Mammon! You should be honored-”

He was cut off by a squeal, followed by MC throwing herself at him, her arms locking around his neck in death grip. 

“I’m so happy to see you, Mammon! I missed you so much.” He thinks he hears her voice wavering, like she’s about to cry. He feels something bloom deep in his chest under her warmth. He lets himself drop the act, wrapping his arms tightly around MC’s waist, burying his face in her hair. It felt so familiar, and just so damned perfect that it hurt. 

He doesn’t know how long they stood like that, but he felt her pull away and reluctantly loosened his grip. She took his hand and pulled him into her apartment. Her place was nice, he thought. Clean, spacious, and very much MC. 

“You should have told me you were coming! I would have planned something fun to do." 

"Nah, we don’t have to go out or nothin’, let’s just hangout here.” Mammon said as he took in the surprisingly lavish apartment. “Nice place.”

“We’ll I had to find somewhere new after I got back seeing as my old apartment was occupied. At least Lord Diavolo and Barbatos had my stuff moved to storage while I was gone so I didn’t lose my things. Turns out I had a fair amount of money in my account when I returned, and this place just kinda fell in my lap.” She shrugged. 

She gave him a quick tour, and he couldn’t help but smile when they got to her bedroom. She had modeled it to look almost identical to the one she lived in back home. Just more human-like. Instead of enchantment lanterns, she’d hung coloured string lights above her bed. Various plants bloomed all around the room, and there was even a desk and bookcase that looked like they were pulled right out of the Devildom. 

“Should we order food and watch a movie then? Just like old times?” She asked him. “On me, of course.”

“Woohoo! That’s a good human.” She laughed as he ruffled her hair and he felt his body warm at the sound. He didn’t realize just how much he’d missed it. How much he needed to hear it again. 

As the night went on MC told Mammon all about her new life in the human world. She had made new work friends, and one gentleman in particular had seemed quite sweet on her. Mammon didn’t like him. But, she seemed happy and enthusiastic, so he listened, interjecting his own opinions when needed. He could listen to her talk about anything, honestly. All he really cared about was that they were cuddled up together on her couch, eating pizza like they always did. 

It was late when they’d finally gotten around to watching the movie. He’d noticed MC kept looking over at him throughout the film, then she’d look away quickly and busy herself by picking at loose threads in her blanket. It was starting to make him anxious. 

“Ehh, you keep staring at me instead of watching the film. What’s up?" 

"It’s just… it doesn’t feel the same here anymore. The human world I mean. I’ve tried so hard to make it feel normal..” She avoided his gaze, back to picking at her blanket. “But you being here with me, it feels like home." 

Mammon’s heart skipped a beat. He wanted to say something cool, but found he couldn’t. He took in the sad expression on her face and reached over to grab her arm, pulling her onto his lap and wrapping his arms around her. Had she been just as troubled as he had been since she’s returned? The thought of her sitting here sad and alone felt like someone was ripping his heart right out of his chest. 

"I missed being with you like this, too.” The rest of the movie went forgotten as they snuggled into each other, both unwilling to let go for fear that this might have to end. 

Mammon always got what he wanted, one way or another. He was going to find a way to bring MC back to the Devildom where she belonged. 

And he’d promised her as such as he slipped the ring off his pinky and onto hers. 

He’d figure out the details later. Right now he just wanted to enjoy this. He wiped away the tears that had slipped down her cheek and finally got the rest of those kisses he had missed out on that day on the balcony.

[2ynjns]

wrong package || tomorrow x together

day 30 of 31 days of christmas with ydale

pairings: txt x reader

genre: neighbors!au, slice of life, fluff

warnings: slight profanity. this is inspired by my own experience except the txt part and i found friends HAHA kms. and also this is the last txt christmas upload of the series! WOOHOO! i hope you all enjoy it!

*ding!*

you excitedly unlocked your phone to check the notification you got. you ordered some clothes and miscellaneous items online as a christmas gift to yourself. you have been patiently waiting for this day to come most especially you can’t wait to unbox the items you bought and use it at home and keep yourself sane during quarantine.

your package has been delivered!

**** Express 0000000 from KOREA delivered as of 12/30/2020 04:21 PM.

Reply STOP to cancel msgs.

you giggled out of excitement and rushed to your front door.

you swung the front door open wide and didn’t see any package at all. you figured the delivery man probably left it inside the mailbox. you quickly ran back to your room and took your jacket to wear so you could go outside and check your mailbox.

“mom! i’ll be back. imma just check the mailbox!” you didn’t wait for your mom’s answer and just headed out your house and ran to your mailbox. 

you walked quickly because first, you’re wearing a thin jacket and shorts and you’re only wearing flip flops. the cold breeze of nature hit your legs and your face even though you barely stepped out of your house.

you opened the mailbox and found a box inside. the box isn’t relatively big or small, it’s just a perfect sized box that fit inside your mailbox.

what could fit inside this box that i ordered? you asked yourself.

you ordered so many items online that you can’t even keep track of it. all those tracking numbers that you have put on your phone is uncountable, really, you didn’t hold back on spending your money.

you ran back inside your house and rushed to your room. you grabbed the box cutter and clapped your hands, happily giggling to yourself and started cutting the box open.

“yaaaay! here i c-- what the hell is this?”

you were dumbfounded from what you saw inside the box. you quickly closed it and checked the name on the box.

Choi Soobin

**** Cherry Blossom Ave

South Korea

“who the hell is choi soobin?” you said and scratched your hair from frustration because one, you got the wrong package: two, you don’t know where your actual package is: three: who the hell is choi soobin??

oh wait, you thought. this is literally the same street as my house. you muttered to yourself.

“lemme search the address!”

you grabbed the phone and opened your maps apps and searched the house address stated on the shipping label.

“it’s my next door neighbor?” you whispered to yourself carrying the box outside to your living room.

as soon as you got to your living room, you found your mom talking to someone at the front door. you peeked to see who was your mom talking to and you saw a tall guy holding a huge box while smiling.

“oh, there you are y/n. our neighbor said your package was delivered to their address. he dropped it off for you.” your mom opened the door wider, exposing you looking shocked than before.

you shuffled to come closer to your front door and asked the tall guy. “are you choi soobin?” he smiled at you and nodded his head. 

you looked at the opened box you’re holding and passed it to him. “uh, here’s your package. i accidentally opened it cause i thought it was mine.” you awkwardly giggled and took your correct package from him.

“don’t worry, i immediately closed the box as soon as i saw what’s inside.” you said and continued your awkward laugh.

soobin just blushed and smiled at you. “no worries, it’s okay. the packages are mainly for my friends anyway.” he said and tucked the box to his sides.

“what are you gonna say, y/n?” your mom said to you while both her hands are on the side. you looked at her and pouted.

“yeah, uh. thanks for dropping off my package.” you said and bowed. he boxed back and smiled one last time, “no problem. thanks for this too.” he said and waved at your mom.

your mom pushed you aside and took your spot as she talked to soobin.

“you’re that neighbor from next door right? the one with your four other friends? don’t you only live with them?” your mom went no chill on her questions. you nudged her a bit and pouted and eyed her at the same time. warning her to stop asking so many personal questions.

soobin looked back to see his four other friends hysterically waving their hands in the air. he turned his gaze back to you and your mom and smiled. “yeah, me and my friends live alone without our parents.” 

your mom smiled and opened the door even wider this time. your eyes almost popped out from her action making you step back a little bit, too.

“poor kids. why don’t you have dinner here with me and y/n? Invite your friends too! and don’t worry we won’t harm you, well y/n might. but i won’t. have a proper meal with us, treat us like your own family from now on.” you mom said letting soobin in and calling the four other boys who were waiting outside.

you glared at your mom and made an irritated face. you looked up to see soobin starting down at you and that made your shy and hug the package your got.

“i guess we’re friends now?” soobin smiled and handed his hand out. “i’m soobin, and y/n right?” he asked. 

you looked at his hand, then back to his face, then back to his hand and hesitated on shaking his hands. but you did anyways.

“yeah, i’m y/n. and that’s my mom, y/m/n. sorry if she’s being weird right now. i hope you don’t mind. but yeah, please feel free at home.” you said and watched four more boys entering your house.

“wow! you’re such a cool neighbor. hi mrs. neighbor. i’m huening kai.” one guy said. your mom giggled from his introduction and guided your neighbors to the dining table. the boys introduced themselves one by one and your learned that their names are soobin, yeonjun, beomgyu, taehyun and huening kai and they all live together for university.

“well, feel free to feel at home. you can visit us anytime too, please give my child a social life.” your mom patted your head. you looked at your mom and pursed your lips.

“geez, thanks mom.” the boys laughed.

“don’t worry, mrs. y/l/n. we’ll take care of y/n.” yeonjun said and finally started eating.

“oh, christmas is next week. you all should celebrate christmas with us.” your mom suggested. you sighed and took a bite of the rice. “y/n’s dad will be home and you all should meet him. he’d love to have more children at home since y/n is an only child.” your mom added.

you drank water from your cup and looked around. oh, yeah. it is christmas next week.

“sure mrs. y/l/n! we’ll try to bring in food too.” taehyun said. “i’ll bring christmas hats.” beomgyu added.

and from then, you found new friends, aka your neighbors.

[kisses-holland]

bruised (part two)

you can read part one here

summary: the holland family deals with the aftermath of the reader’s accident

pairing: brother!tom x reader

warnings: angst, blood, crying, kinda sad

word count: 2.6k

a/n: woohoo! it’s finally here! i’m sorry it took a while but i have been so busy with summer school and work. i just wanted to thank everyone who have read my works. i appreciate all your guys’ support and i’m so happy you guys are enjoying my writing. don’t forget to send requests or send me anything, i’m always here to talk. i hope you guys enjoy part two :)

paddy immediately jumped from his spot at the table and rushed over to you, the other holland boys and harrison doing the same.

“y/n? what happened to you?” paddy asked, wrapping his arms around you, the sight of you almost bringing him to tears.

you whimpered as his arm grazed subtly against the edge of your eyebrow.

“boys, sit back down at the table. y/n, go to bed hun. i’ll be there soon to check on you” nikki sent you away to your bedroom for a bit. she knew that after yesterday’s events, you needed the rest.

the boys immediately rushed into the living room, all sitting on the couches forgetting about their now cold breakfast.

“i’m gonna ask you guys this one more time. did any of you get a call from y/n last night?” nikki hissed quietly. she knew she shouldn’t be too harsh on her boys. but after this morning, can anyone blame her? behind on sleep, her daughter being assaulted by a bottle.

“we-we did get a call. harrison and i. but we-we didn’t know who it was mum, promise. it was private. i-i would’ve answered if i knew y/n was calling, you know that.” tom stuttered out, shocked at what he just witnessed.

nikki may have believed him when tom states he would’ve answered your call. but in toms mind, he knew he wouldn’t have. his pettiness would’ve taken control. tom was so thankful that the call was unknown. because god forbid, if his sister called and he didn’t answer and she came home the next day looking like that, he wouldn’t have been able to forgive himself.

“do any of you boys know where y/n was last night?” she knew the answer to her question. it wasn’t unusual for y/n to tell her brothers where she was headed off to. nikki just wanted to see what her sons would say.

“she-she said something about staying at kaits house. that was it.” harry fiddled with his thumbs. he was aware he looked somewhat guilty. he knew he shouldn’t have said those harsh words to you, that he should’ve at least called you or texted you to make sure you were safe after not actually telling him what you were doing.

“she went to a party last night. someone threw a bottle at her.” nikki sighed, trying not to tear up at the thought of her daughter being in so much pain.

“does she know who?” harrison whispered, looking at nikki with guilt in his eyes.

nikki scoffed, “we’d be lucky if we knew who he was. we just have to wait and see if they turn up and apologize.” she stood up. “ill be upstairs if you need me, i’m gonna check on y/n.”

“fucking hell. once i get my hands on that kid who hurt her i will make sure they look worse than what y/n looks like right now.” tom muttered angrily, clenching his fists.

“calm down, mate. it probably wasn’t on purpose. accidents happen all the time, even y/n knows that.” harrison tried his best comforting his best friend.

“i should’ve asked her to stay. i was so mean to her. fuck.” sam held his head in his hands, trying to forget the look on his little sisters face after he had been so mean to her.

“what do we do now? we can’t just go up to her right now and apologize.” harry asked, unsure of what to do.

“why the hell not?” sam asked his twin.

“you guys are clueless. she’s gonna think that the only reason you guys are apologizing is because she’s hurt and you feel guilty about her being hurt. i wouldn’t forgive you if i was her.” paddy scoffed, and stomped up the stairs to check up on you, leaving the rest of the boys in shock.

back in your bedroom, you were completely passed out, not aware of anything that’s been said in the living room after you crashed into your bed.

nikki sat on the other side of you, brushing pieces of your hair off your face; being as gentle as possible.

interrupted by a subtle knock on your bedroom door, she immediately stopped what she was doing to see who was knocking. noticing it was her youngest child, she got up to give him some time with his sister.

observing his sisters face, he winced. you looked like you were in so much pain, and that put paddy in pain. he wanted so desperately to know who did this to you. he knew that when your family finds out, they won’t spare them.

deciding that waking you up right now is not the best option to find out who it was, he decided to look through your phone. the person would’ve sent an apology to you by now, right?

he quickly put in your password and scrolled through the hundreds of snapchat’s and texts you had gotten from your peers.

paddy didn’t know that you had woken up from your slumber. looking through your phone was an invasion of your privacy. but at this point, you didn’t care. you had nothing to hide. besides, it’s your brother. you trusted him with all your heart, and you really had no energy to stop him.

after ten minutes of paddy searching through your phone, you finally decided to “wake up”.

“hey.” you whispered. immediately, paddy’s eyes bulged out of his head and he put your phone back where it was.

“y/n, i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean to. i-“ you cut paddy off by laughing. sitting up, you hugged him.

“it’s okay. i don’t have anything to hide.” you mumbled, putting your good side of your face against his shoulder. sighing, you mumbled, “i really needed this.”

“y/n, do you know what happened? who did it?” paddy asked, eyes full of concern.

“paddy, i don’t think you want to know who it is.” you fiddled with your thumbs, looking down.

“just tell me. i promise i won’t do anything without your permission. just tell us. we need to get this sorted out.” he pestered.

you knew exactly who it was. right before you went to bed, you got a text message from someone who was so special to you; your ex boyfriend, matt.

you and matt didn’t necessarily end in bad terms. he was moving away to canada for school because that’s where he wanted to live, and continue his education there. of course, you tried to stop him, tried to convince it wasn’t a good idea. you dated for 11 months, the day of him leaving would have been your one year. but after four months, he decided to move back to london. he tried talking to you, but you were over him. he hurt you when he left but you were over him. that leads to the situation you were in now. matt has picked up rugby while he was away in canada. he threw the bottle like he would a rugby ball. and that’s exactly how you ended up to where you are now; a black eye, stitches, and a broken skull. of course, it was an accident, but your brothers wouldn’t think so.

“it was matt.” you said as quickly and quietly as possible.

“sorry what was that?” paddy knew what you said, he just wanted to confirm and make sure the culprit was actually him.

“matt. my ex boyfriend matt.” you said, hoping that paddy would keep it a secret. deep down, you knew he was gonna tell your brothers as soon as he left your bedroom.

“are you serious?” paddy yelled, standing up.

“shh. be quiet. someone will hear you!” raising your voice, causing you to wince and hold the side of your head.

“hey, hey. calm down. are you alright? here.” paddy sat down and gave you a water bottle your mum must have left for you.

“i’m okay. just a headache, s’ all.” you reassured him and took a sip of the water.

“y/n. you should talk to tom.” paddy said, laying down next to you.

“you didn’t hear what he said to me, did you?” you asked, resting your head on paddy’s shoulder. even though you were older than him, he was still a giant compared to you.

“i may not have. but tom feels really bad, y/n/n. they all do; harrison, sam and harry. i don’t know what happened between you guys but i’ve never seen my siblings like this before and it scares me.” paddy confessed. your heart ached. your brothers have teased you and fought with you, and now all you were feeling is guilt. guilty because you never told anyone where you were going. guilty because you were mean to tom. guilty because everyone is worried about you.

“if he feels so bad then why doesn’t he come up here and tell me? why are you telling me this, shouldn’t he?” you say up, paddy immediately pulled you back down.

“hey, hey. i’ll talk to him for you, okay? just go to sleep.” deciding not to argue, you lied on paddy’s chest and tried to go to sleep.

“please don’t hurt matt. it was an accident.” you mumbled, sleep taking over you.

“i can’t promise anything.” he said as he played with your hair, watching you drift back to sleep.

You’ve been sleeping for almost an hour, curled up against Paddy, his arm around your back and your head on his chest. Paddy tried his best to fall asleep with you, but couldn't comprehend what happened to you. More importantly, he wanted to so badly beat up your ex boyfriend for hurting you.

Paddy was interrupted from his thoughts with a subtle knock at your door. In walked Tom and Harrison.

“How is she?” Tom whispered, avoiding to look at you, not because your face looked horrible, but because he feels it’s his fault that happened to you. if he had just stopped you from leaving, this wouldn’t have happened.

“She’s in pain, and she’s tired.” Paddy whispered, playing with a few strands of your hair. “I know who did it.” He said suddenly, knowing Tom would kick his ass.

“What?” Both Tom and Harrison perked up, wanting so desperately to know who hurt her.

“I know who hurt her. It was Matt, her ex boyfriend. The one who moved to Canada.” Paddy was fully aware of what was gonna happen to Matt, but just like everyone else in his family, he wanted to hurt Matt because he knows what he did was NOT okay, even if it was an accident.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him.” Tom growled, leaving your room to get his car key, but Harrison had stopped him.

“What are you doing? You haven’t even apologized to Y/N and you’re going to beat her ex boyfriend up? Do you think she’ll forgive you if you did that? You know her, she’ll be so hurt if she woke up to finding out you beat her ex boyfriend up.” Harrison whispered. He did have a point, but did that change anything for Tom? No.

“May I remind you that you haven’t apologized to her either? none of us have, Paddy’s the only one she’ll talk to besides mum and dad.” Tom sighed. Why had he been so mean to his sister. All she really wanted to do was hang out with her.

“Well then what do we do?” Haz asked, with a defeated expression. Of course the guilt was eating him alive too. He was your best friend, and now he doesn’t know if he can even call himself that anymore; not since what he said to you.

“Since i’m the only smart one here, how about Tom stays here with Y/N for a bit and the rest of us can just leave this for now? Maybe wait until Y/N wakes up and see what she wants to do?” Paddy suggested. Seeing the boys nod, he carefully got up from his position and Tom took over, gently laying down beside you and putting your head on his chest.

the rest of the boys had left, leaving your sleeping figure and tom’s guilty figure in your bedroom. all he could think about was the boy who hurt you.

tom stayed with you until you stirred awake.

“tommy?” you mumbled, opening your one eye and trying to adjust to the light.

“hey. i got you, shh.” he was relieved by the sound of his nickname, hoping you weren’t mad at him anymore. “are you hungry?” he asked softly, gently tucking your hair away from your face.

“a little, yeah.” you mumbled, pulling away from him and looking down, sitting cross legged. you looked up at him, tears in your eye. “do you hate me?” you whispered, scared that your older brother was still mad over what had occurred almost 24 hours ago.

a wave of guilt rushed over tom and he immediately pulled you into his embrace again, “of course not, love. never. i’m so sorry, y/n. i’m sorry about the fight, and harrison, and then your eye. oh god. i’m so sorry. you don’t deserve any of this and i definitely don’t deserve your forgiveness. i wish i could turn back time and stopped you from leaving. you wouldn’t be so hurt right now, it’s all my fault.” he said, shedding a few tears in the process as well.

“none of this is your fault, okay? stop blaming yourself. you weren’t the one who threw the bottle at me. so stop, okay? i’m okay, and i forgive you. i’ll be fine, tommy.” you cried into his chest. did you think it was too soon for you to forgive him? yes. but you were so tired of all the drama, and the one thing you need most is comfort from all of your brothers. “i’m sorry for being a selfish brat. i’m sorry for fighting with you in front of harrison. i didn’t mean any of it, i promise.”

“how can you forgive me? you and me both know that this wouldn’t have hap-“

“there were so many factors that could have prevented me from getting hit, tommy. what if i never got onto hannah’s back? what if i didn’t drink as much? what if my head was on hannah’s right side instead of her left? what if, what if, what if. it’s not your fault, i promise. i’m not mad.” you sniffled, hugging him as tight as ever.

“but you drank. and you never drink. and that’s my fault.” he mumbled.

“it could also be harrison’s, and sam’s, and harry’s fault. but i’m fine, and that’s all that matters.” you said, whipping your eye and getting up to get some dinner (with toms help of course).

“and what would you like for dinner, love?” he asked, guiding you down to the kitchen.

“anything, as long as you pay.” you chuckled.

tom laughed intertwining his and your hands and swinging them back and fourth, like you used to when you were little.

the doorbell rang and he asked you to stay out so he could help you get comfortable on your couch in the living room so he could get the door.

but his smile soon faded, when he saw who was waiting on your front porch.

taglist

@fanficparker @webbedparkers @your-daily-dose-of-fangirl @magiclolipopqueen @organicpurplepants

[linskywords]

Stromecat Primer

This is for the anon who asked for one, which YES I will do this thing. I now have copious notes on these two which have to go somewhere. But also I’m relatively new to the pairing, so if people have corrections or things to add, have at it!

Also it’s super long (haha I might as well just have had you guys read my story draft) so I’m putting it after a cut.

OKAY SO.

Here are our boys:

(Dylan. This is his Wikipedia picture but just look at that face. Could not resist.)

(Alex. What a precious Tolkienian Dwarf.)

Okay. So those are our boys. Let’s have us some TIMELINE.

They start playing together in the fall of 2014, after Dylan goes second overall in the 2013 OHL draft to the Erie Otters and Alex signs with them undrafted the following spring. He did not get drafted because he is short and therefore underestimated. They tear it up that year, along with Connor McDavid, who’s playing on a line with them: Alex gets 104 points in 68 games--pretty great for going undrafted--and Dylan gets a whopping 129 points and wins the OHL scoring title.

So our boys are good! Everyone’s very impressed with Dylan. He’s drafted third overall in 2015, after Connor McDavid and Jack Eichel, and everyone’s very excited about the Stromes as the next big hockey family (older bro Ryan was drafted fifth overall to the Isles in 2011). The future is bright.

Dylan goes to Coyotes 2015 development camp. He goes to training camp. He plays in a couple of preseason games. But they don’t think he’s ready, so they send him back down to Erie. Pretty normal. Nothing to worry about.

2015-2016, Dylan’s the captain. Alex and Dylan play on a line together (without Connor this time) and have another great year where they are playing and also living together. Alex gets 101 points in 60 games and Dylan gets 111 in 56. They have a kind of rough World Juniors in there--Dylan plays for Team Canada and ends up in 6th place, and Alex plays for the U.S. and gets bronze but gets injured early on and only ends up scoring a single goal in the whole tournament. But, you know, good year with Erie. Future still bright.

(Look at this adorable pair. Ignore the facial hair on one of them who shall remain unspecified. Also this is presumably 2017 based on the letters on their jerseys but shhhh.)

However, Alex continues to be underestimated because he is short! He also had a bad World Juniors, so people are worried he might only be situationally good with the Otters. He’s passed over in the first round of the 2016 NHL draft and ends up being drafted 39th, by the Chicago Blackhawks, who have a history of drafted very competent undertall players. Also they didn’t have a first-round pick that year so I like to think they might have taken him either way.

Dylan and Alex both go to their respective 2016 development camps. And training camps. Alex plays in a preseason game with the Hawks but gets sent down--again, normal. Dylan plays the whole preseason with the Yotes and stays up, but they don’t really commit to him. They scratch him a bunch and only put him in for 7 games--this is either the limit of what they can play someone and still send them down to Juniors or close to it--over the course of a month and a half. Finally, on November 20, they send him back down to Erie, after 7 games played and...one point scored.

So at this point Dylan’s probably feeling pretty bad about himself. His former linemate Connor went straight to the NHL and is about to start his Hart-winning season. Dylan’s getting sent down for the second year straight.

But! 2016-2017 is an awesome year for the Otters. Alex is an A. Dylan gets made captain again at some point.* Dylan and Alex are living together again, and they’re playing together, and they freaking tear it up. They lead the Otters to a first-place finish in the O and win the J. Ross Robertson Cup (the highest award in the OHL). The guys on the team like to talk about that as the best night of their lives. They make it to the final game of the Memorial Cup, the championship for the whole CHL (which includes the OHL, the WHL, and the QMJHL), and lose narrowly to the Windsor Spitfires. However, Dylan gets a tournament record for 7 points in a single game, and they both have great seasons overall. Dylan gets 75 points in 35 games, and Alex gets 127 points in 63 games--more than two points per game for each of them--and Alex wins the Red Tilson Trophy for most outstanding player in the OHL. Also Dylan got to captain Canada’s World Juniors team, and many people (including me) were excited that he got that opportunity as a way to balance his failures thus far in the NHL, though Canada lost in a devastating final game against the U.S.

*If anyone knows when Dylan became captain again, let me know -- all I could figure out was sometime before the playoffs.

Here is Dylan with the Robertson Cup:

(Note the blond hair, which is an abomination they all inflicted upon themselves as a means to achieving playoff victory. You know, apparently it worked.)

Summer of 2017, Dylan and Alex go to their NHL development camps and training camps yet again. Everyone’s excited about Alex after the year he just had in the O. Everyone’s a little antsy about Dylan because good Lord it’s been two years since he was drafted third overall and is he ever going to be good enough for the NHL? (This was definitely me.)

Anyway the Hawks keep Alex up and start playing him. 2017-2018 is a rough year for the Hawks but a good one for Alex, and he surpasses all draft expectations and leads the team in goals (28). He also gets a commitment from the Hawks early in the year, in the form of his housing letter, and he gets a dog that spring named Ralph DeBrindog who is a shiba inu with his own Instagram account. Here are Alex and Ralph:

But things are not so happy in Arizona. Dylan gets to stay up past the 2017-2018 preseason but the Coyotes once again do not commit to him (no housing letter for him!). Dylan barely plays with the team before he gets sent down to the Roadrunners, the Coyotes’ AHL affiliate.

He does really well with the Roadrunners, so they bring him back to the NHL in late November (and he gets to play against Alex and the Hawks!). But he doesn’t do great there, so they send him back down for most of the spring, only bringing him up for the last few weeks of the season before sending him back to the AHL for the playoffs.

At this point, the future is looking pretty bleak for Dylan. Too old for Juniors, can’t hack it in the NHL despite his high draft number.  9 points in 21 games with the Coyotes in 2017-2018. People saying he was only good because of his good linemates, which, yeah, Connor and Alex are doing great other places. And sure, lots of people have good linemates and don’t put up numbers like Dylan did, but how else do you explain his failures in Arizona?

So the next season, 2018-2019, Alex is of course still playing with the Hawks. He’s doing even better than he did his rookie year, scoring more consistently. Dylan actually gets to play with the Coyotes, which, woohoo, but he’s putting up terrible numbers: 6 points in 20 games. Theories abound, but the upshot is clear--whatever made Dylan good in Juniors doesn’t translate to the NHL. The Coyotes wasted a draft pick.

BUT.

The Blackhawks evidently don’t think so, because on November 25, 2018, they trade Nick Schmaltz to the Coyotes in exchange for both Brendan Perlini and Dylan Strome. And they put the two of them on a line with Alex. And Dylan starts LIGHTING IT UP. As I write this, he’s at 46 points in 48 games with the Hawks. That’s some elite play there.

And did I mention he and Alex are living together again?

That’s right: apparently Alex was Dylan’s second call when he was traded, right after his parents (you can read more about his experience of the trade here, though you need a subscription). And then Dylan moved into his place.

...I can’t figure out how to embed video, but here is the two of them being adorable in the Road to the Winter Classic. Including Ralph, and also the memorable line, “I want to bodycheck you so bad right now.”

And here they are on the ice:

If that pose is not part of their engagement photos, it should be.

So basically, there are two possible explanations for why Dylan was playing so badly for so long in Arizona:

1) Arizona really sucks. (This should not be ruled out regardless of your opinion on #2.)

2) Dylan and Alex are soulmates and Dylan couldn’t play without him.

To be fair, #2 doesn’t explain why Alex was playing fine in Chicago before Dylan got there. But, you know, maybe he’s just less soulmate dependent than Dylan. Either way, everyone, including the two of them, is talking about the chemistry they have on the ice, and it’s clearly made a big different to Chicago’s season. And they get to play with their best friend again.

(Yes, they’ve both called each other that. It’s adorable.)

Some bonus info:

There is an Otter alum group text! It also includes Taylor & Darren Raddysh, Anthony Cirelli, and Warren Foegele. Dylan says they talk about the OHL championship all the time because it was the best night of their lives.

Dylan became the Otters’ all-time points leader by the end of his OHL career (seriously, makes no sense that he couldn’t play in Arizona, barring soulmate-based explanations)

After Dylan played Alex as a Coyote, he changed his Instagram photo to the two of them facing off.

Alex’s nicknames include Brinksy and the Cat. He’s fine with either but is less fond of Kitty. XD

They are legit eight inches apart. More, if 5′7″ is just Alex’s stats sheet height and not reality.

They are adorable best friends and roommates and linemates and need to be together forever.

And now, some pictures to close it out (starting with the Instagram icon one):

[lovelybuccky]

Three Things That Are Certain (Chapter 5)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Your mother once taught you that when you feel afraid, you should look at your surroundings and find at least three things that are certain, just three things that you know to be true. However, a collection of photos are found from different points in history, and you are in every single one. Questions are being raised, and you are finding it more and more difficult to name those three things. But he is there to remind you of what they are.

Warnings: Violence, profanity, graphic violence and descriptions of pain in later chapters.

A/N: Woohoo it’s back! I made this part a little longer just because I felt the others were too short...hope this is better! (Also I scheduled to post this at 3am UK time because apparently that’s the best time to post for other timezones??? I don’t know haha we’ll see if it works)

Previous Chapter

(^^ gif from here)

Previously...

“I woke up in the 1941, completely in control. I guess after all their tries they still couldn’t find a method strong enough. I wondered around, decided that there were worse places to end up. So I settled down and tried to make a life for myself, expecting to die of old age before Hydra could find me again. But I suppose the Stone doesn’t just effect the time around me, but also my internal clock, since I haven’t really aged since I woke up in Brooklyn in 1941. I’ve been on the run since, knowing Hydra would look for me eventually, since I never completed my mission.”

“Which was?”

You look at the ground, shame oozing out of you. You were dreading this moment. This is where everything shifts. You avoid all their curious gazes, holding off the inevitable.

“Y/N,” Steve’s voice spoke gently, but strongly too, “what was your mission?”

Your eyes flicker back to Bucky to find him already watching you, confusion etching his features. You fear his reaction the most, and you know that there is no chance that he could ever trust you, not anymore. There’s still so much you haven’t told him, so much that you both weren’t ready for him to know. But this is where things get complicated. You hold eye contact with him for as long as possible - until the very last second.

“I…was sent to kill Steve Rogers.”

***

You wake up shivering on the city ground, a crick in your neck and a splitting headache. Every bone in your body, even ones you didn’t realise you had in the first place, ache and click as you hoist yourself up off the cold concrete. You fall back against the stone wall, a small yelp escapes you as you wait for your head to stop spinning and for the black blotches in your vision to fade away. Panic washes over you as you take in your surroundings.

You’re standing in an ordinary alley amongst garbage, alone - but something feels off. You can’t put your finger on it, but you feel like your way out of your depth, like you were picked up and thrown into a world that you don’t understand and that doesn’t understand you. You try to think about what it could be, but concentrating only makes your headache spike. Deciding to scope out the area, and with one hand against the wall for stability, you hobble out of the alley and onto the street.

As soon as you are out in the open, you instantly notice that you don’t recognise anything. The brand of cars, the design of clothes, the shops - nothing is familiar, nothing like the New York you know. You carry on walking along the street, head up high, ignoring the pain that shoots through head as you do so. It’s quiet, almost tranquil - until you hear a crash.

Your hand reflexively darts for the gun in your holster, the holster that you don't even remember owning, and you inch past the movie theatre and towards the alley, leading you to the source of the sound.

But before you can look round the corner, a man with blood oozing out of his nose comes stumbling out onto the street, and you almost shoot him on sight out of pure shock. He doesn’t even notice you as he bolts from whatever or whoever gave him a bloody nose.

“Sometimes I think you like getting punched.”

Wait, you knew that voice.

You peer round the corner, and the sight makes bile creep up your throat.

James Buchanan Barnes and Steven Grant Rogers.

Without thinking, you instantly aim your gun between the latter’s eyes. You have no idea why you did, it was like your body overtook your mind and started working on its own accord. Sweat trickles down your face and you start to shake uncontrollably, messing up your aim.

You stay like that, watching them. Half of your brain is saying “shoot”, and the other half is shouting “don’t you dare”. It hurts in a way that you’ve never hurt before, this mental game of tug of war.

“You know, it’s illegal to lie on your enlistment form.”

Enlistment form. Soldiers. War. World War? There were two…World War II? 1940s? America versus….wait, America? Sergeant…no, Captain…Captain America…

And that’s when it comes flooding back.

The years locked in a cell, the training, the green liquid - and your mission. The reason why you’re here. Whatever they used to control you wasn’t strong enough and has worn off - and that means you have a choice.

You lower the gun, and you run; heart pounding in your chest and legs burning with every slam of your foot against concrete. You have no destination, the only plan is run until you feel safe.

You never stop running.

***

Once again, to nobody’s surprise, Bucky Barnes can’t sleep. Despite his heavy eyelids and his even heavier muscles, his mind is racing at a million miles a minute, replaying scenes of the night before.

After a small disagreement and a few words of reassurance from Steve, Tony had finally agreed to allow you to stay at the compound until it was certain that you were safe, and that you had provided them with as much information as possible.Tony wasn't entirely convinced, and you didn't seem to be either, to be honest, but Steve insisted on it. “Innocent until proven guilty”, he said.

“Seems pretty damn guilty to me.” Tony snapped back, “She literally just said her mission was to assassinate you, doesn’t that seem a little guilty to you, Rogers?”

“Am I dead?” Steve said calmly. Silence. “Exactly. If she was guilty, then I wouldn’t be standing here in front of you right now and we wouldn’t be having this argument in the first place. Give the kid a break, she’s had a hard enough time as it is.”

And now he’s here, hours later and honestly? He’s torn.

This is a risky bet. Steve’s life is literally on the line. If it was anyone else, he would have kicked them out of there the second “to kill Steve Rogers” passed their lips. He had beaten up punks who had threatened his best friend before, and he could do it again. But this is different, Steve is now more than capable of defending himself, and she is different. He couldn’t hurt her, not even if he wanted to. She knew him when he was the Winter Soldier, she knows a part of him that nobody else even saw, and he knew her too, apparently. That connected them, he can feel it; even if he can't remember her because his brain is too damn broken, he can feel that they are somehow intertwined - and that, for now, was enough for him. But that still didn’t stop alarm bells ringing in his mind.

He closes his eyes and lies there for a little longer.

…Fuck it.

He gives in, forcing himself out of the warm embrace of his bed and throws on his gym clothes. Sure, it was 3am, but he found that an hour or so of hitting a punch bag usually helps him let to let off steam. Or at least focus his mind on something else until his body is forced to sleep.

He makes his way to the compound gym, not thinking about being quiet. Years of stealth training made sneaking around like second nature to him, and besides, he had the floor to himself.

Well, nearly to himself.

He had requested it actually, not because he wanted more privacy - though that was an added bonus - but because he didn't want to keep the others awake when his nightmares inevitably cut through the silence. It only isolates him more from the others, but they deserve to rest well, and they can’t do that unless he is out of the way.

But that means that there are spare rooms (the only spare rooms) on his floor - the top floor. So now he is sharing it, and he is sharing it with you.

He stops by your door, listening in to make sure he hadn't woken you.Yes, his trust in you was debatable, but he wasn’t going to be a jerk about it. When he hears nothing but silence from behind the closed door, he carries on on his way.

It’s all a bit silly though, isn’t it. First they rescue a girl from an organisation that they thought they had destroyed years ago, then they find out she can time travel, and then they discover that she was actually meant to assassinate America’s golden boy and Bucky’s right-hand man. It sounds like something he would read in a book. A fictional book.

He hates that he doesn’t trust her, and he hates that there’s nothing he can do about it.

As he reaches the entrance to the gym, he hears muffled thuds and grunts coming from inside. Peering through the glass door, his eyebrows shoot to the roof at the sight before him.

It’s you, in some spare gym clothes and drenched in sweat. A few wisps of hair stick to your face, and your eyes are fixed on the punch bag in front of you. One foot forward, turned slightly inward; one foot back, turned slightly outward. You're on the balls of your feet, bouncing lightly and soaring from position to position. One fist stays in front as one guards your face, though they switch roles with every punch you throw. The perfect stance.

Bucky wonders how you learnt to fight, and his heart aches when we realises you probably had to teach yourself. Probably from trial and error.

You’re striking the punching bag like your life depends on it, and if he looks hard enough, he can see faint purple circles under you eyes - you’re obviously were having a similar night to him. But he is mesmerised by your concentration, it’s like you’re dancing. Your eyes are trained on the bag, but there’s a softness in them, an innocence in the way they glisten. Sixteen. You were sixteen years old when you were forced to defend your life, and that makes Bucky’s blood boil.

Normally, he would turn away and wait until the gym was empty. He doesn’t want to be a dick and avoid people, he actually wants to become closer with his teammates (to get to a point where he called them friends rather than teammates), but he just doesn’t feel like he can. Solitude was the easiest and safest option.

However, this time he stays. Maybe it’s the way your eyebrow are furrowed, or how your arms are shaking from probably hours of punching, but something tells him that you shouldn’t be alone; that you could benefit from some company. It’s a thought that surprises him, but doesn’t stop him.

As soon as he pushes the door open, your focus snaps to him. He puts his arms up in surrender, an attempt to calm your shock. There’s a beat, then he clears his throat. “May I?” he asks, nodding in the direction of the punching bag next to you.

You square up, in an attempt to compose yourself after how embarrassingly obvious it was that his mere presence alarmed you. “Be my guest.”

He moves past you to the punching bag and gets to work. You watch him for a moment, admiring the force with which he can hit, and not failing to notice the way the muscles on his back move under his slightly too tight t-shirt. You feel your cheeks start to burn at the thought, and immediately turn back to your punching bag.

You both carry on like that in silence, only the sound of flesh meeting leather filling the room. After what you said last night, you don’t know where you stand with Bucky, but it feels nice that he’s there and you aren’t alone.

Not entirely, anyway.

***

1945

You curse under your breath as you search for your house key on your keychain. Why do you have so many damn keys? You’re a factory worker, not a fucking locksmith. Finally finding the right key, you jam it in and voila, you’re inside. Once you close the door behind you, you proceed to re-lock it - one key lock; three bolts, one for the top, middle and bottom of the door; 2 night latches; and one chain lock for good measure. It was a little excessive, but better safe than sorry. You throw your bag onto the kitchen table and shake your heels off, hanging your coat up on the brass hook by the door.

The walls of your house are covered with framed photographs, newspaper clippings and postcards; anything to make it feel more homely. It’s small, only two rooms, a bathroom and a tiny deck at the front of the house - which provides the perfect spot for reading. It isn’t much, but it’s enough for you.

You practically slide over to your turntable and select your favourite album. Your mood is instantly lifted when jazz fills the room, and you sway your hips to the beat as you dance towards the kitchen. It’s been a long time since someone has taken you dancing, you think to yourself.

You laugh at yourself as you bump into the counter, itching to make yourself a cup of coffee. The day had dragged at work, but a trip to your favourite bookshop and a quick conversation with the sweet old lady next door had cleared your mind.

So much so, in fact, that you forgot the date.

You continue to skid and slide across the wooden floor as the music plays, your own laughter filling the air of the otherwise empty house. You had somewhat gotten used to your new life. It had only been a couple of years and yes, it still hurt like a bitch, but you were finding yourself in more moments like this - laughing, dancing, adjusting. Your life depends on you being a chameleon, you are just lucky that you used to adore studying the 1940s in history class. After a few minutes you finally settle down and sip on your coffee, looking out onto the street.

There are two little girls playing hopscotch, pigtails bouncing with every jump. There’s another little girl, offering her chocolate bar to a boy who had scraped his knee, and one young mother - sat on the steps of her house, clutching her baby as silent tears escape her eyes.

That last one isn’t an uncommon sight. Everyday, some poor woman receives a telegram, and it is rarely good news. Your heart clenches and you grip your cup a little tighter. That kind of pain is unbearable, not only losing someone whom you have given a huge portion of your heart to, but to lose them in the way she has, and leaving behind a future they could only dream of. You imagine that’s how your parents felt when you disappeared with no goodbye, no final “I love you”.

Swallowing the lump that had formed in your throat, you make a mental note to visit the woman sometime next week. Maybe just this one time you can come out of hiding to help someone.

The longer you watch, the more you realise that everyone in the world has someone by their side. One little girl has the other to re-braid her when when it comes loose, the little boy has the girl to watch over him and lift him up when he falls, and the mother and child have each other - to love each other when they know he isn't coming back.

But you were in this on your own, like a lone wolf in a forest full of packs. That’s how it has to be, you can't afford to have someone else around. You don't know if or when Hydra will find you and snatch you away from the life you've built. You can’t do that to another human being, have them rely on you and then leave them in the dust, a thousand promises broken.

You feel loneliness start to creep in again with open arms, but you know that if you went to it, it would never return your embrace, but laugh at you for thinking it would.

Distraction. You need a distraction. A thought pops to mind: you haven't read the newspaper yet. Granted, it wasn’t the best distraction you could think of, since it was rarely happy news that inked the page. But it kept you in the know, and that was enough to give you a sense of control, and therefore, a sense of security.

You grab the newspaper and make your way to the sofa, but you stop in your tracks as you read the headline.

‘HOWLING COMMANDO JAMES B. BARNES KILLED IN FREIGHT CAR ACCIDENT’

Something in your gut sinks and tears prickle your eyes as you read and re-read the headline over and over, refusing to submit to reality.

The words scream at you, begging for your attention and acknowledgment, like an alarm clock or a screaming child. Your vision lags and your legs buckle, bringing you to the floor. You hunch over the paper, sobs racking through your body.

This is where it begins. You know what he’s going to go through, what they’re going to do to him. Your nails dig into your palm as tears stream down your face. You wish it was you instead.

Loneliness watches on from the doorway.

***

Bucky saunters into the kitchen, everyone is starting to wake up but it’s only been a few hours since he was with you in the gym. You left not long after he arrived, claiming that you needed to sleep before the further tests and questionings that would take place later that day. He assumes that’s where you are now.

The only other person in the kitchen is Steve, who’s pouring himself a glass of orange juice after his morning run, “Rough night?”

Bucky usually joins Steve on his morning runs, unless he doesn’t sleep well the night before. Which, to be honest, was quite often these days. Bucky nods before plonking himself onto a breakfast stool, and starts to twirl a pen that he found on the counter in his hands.

Steve sets down his drink and leans against the counter, face-to-face with Bucky, “What’s going on, Buck?”

He shakes his head dismissively, but he can feel Steve watching him like a hawk. There’s no way Bucky can lie to him, so he gives in, “I just don’t understand.”

Steve quirks an eyebrow. Bucky continues, “I don’t understand how you’re so calm in a situation like this. She was sent to kill you, Steve. I know we can’t just throw her out or get rid of her, but don’t you think we should be more cautious? How do you have so much trust in her after what she told us?”

Steve merely laughs and shakes his head, amused by his obliviousness, “Because of what she told us,” he replied smoothly.

Bucky narrowed his eyes at him, still not getting it. Steve moved round the counter and placed himself on the stool next to Bucky, leaning his elbows on the marble surface, “A young and helpless person captured by Hydra, brainwashed and tortured into becoming a murder machine. Now where have I heard that before?”

Bucky sets the pen back down on the counter and finally looks at Steve, “This is different.”

“How?”

“It just is.”

“No, it’s not,” Steve says sternly yet affectionately, “Buck, you gotta have more faith. You can’t keep living on ‘what ifs’ and tip-toeing around everything. Here is someone who understands what you went through, and who you understand. That connects you, why do you feel the need to cut the rope?” He pauses, “Are you sure you’re wary of her just because of what her mission was?”

Bucky hesitates, before fixing his attention back on the pen, “She said she knew me when I was…him.”

“Then you also share a past, and that’s something only you two have. She’s the only one who was there when you went through that. Not me, not anyone else - just her. You have a choice, you’re allowed to have connections with people, you know. You don’t have to be alone.”

“I have you.”

“Yeah, but you could have more.”

Bucky remains silent, he can feel Steve’s eyes on him but refuses to admit that he is right.

Steve finally gets up and heads towards the door, turning around at the last moment, “Just talk to her, punk. If not for your sake, for hers. You may have me in this world, but she doesn't appear to have anybody.”

And then he’s gone, and Bucky is on his own again. He knows Steve is right, of course he is.

Bucky grabs his keys and heads towards your room.

***

Next Chapter // Masterlist

A/N: Any feedback is greatly appreciated <3

Tags:

@letsthedogpackandthecats

[parkerstylesperalta]

making art is therapy bitches

I got inspired by my own sadness tonight and wrote a little something with Tom. 

Warning: lots of angst. mostly angst. a slight hint of floof. also, 1.5k of shitty writing. 

my first fic type thingy ever! woohoo!

A year and a half. Time heals all wounds, they said. But the cut still felt sore in your chest every time Tom’s name popped up on your screen. How’s school? It was innocent enough, and with him being in a relationship there was nothing you could do about your aching heart.

Tom and you had broken up on not so good circumstances nearly a year and a half ago. It was a bad break, and both you, him, and your friends felt the shockwaves of the aftermath. After years of friendship and a long-lasting relationship, the end shook up your life. You didn’t talk for a long time, then fought, and then were friends, more fighting, then strangers again for a while. The back and forth of your feelings towards him gave you whiplash.

So Valentine’s Day obviously was a rough one, when you woke up to a text from him. Nothing mentioning the holiday, just a text talking about your major in college, and what you’d been up to. But on social media, his girlfriend was posting about him and the comment on her photo that he left broke you just a little further. Why, if he had moved on to someone else, was he choosing to continue to talk to you? You wanted to ask him- to call him out and just know why he felt the need to continue with you when so much in your lives has changed. It didn’t feel fair. It wasn’t.

You talked for almost three weeks, and constantly. What’s the winter storm at home putting you through? Any new auditions coming up? Simple. Nothing new. But it hurt- it felt normal. Consistent responses, and every day. Things progressed to talking about your career, your hopes and dreams. What made you want to pursue this field? I need advice about something. It felt like the good old days when you were together, and life was different.

A drunken night out led you to confess to your friends your constant back and forth with Tom, and your best friend nearly lost it at the news. You pulled up the texts and showed her. If she knew, she might as well know it all.

“y/n, what are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” you confessed.

“He fucked you over, babe,” your friend hiccupped. “You’re just going to be sad.”

“I think I still love him, I mean how can I not? He’s texting me about nothing but at the same time I feel like its everything because its how we talked when we were together,” you drunkenly rambled.

“You’re always gonna love him, he was your first.”

“I know. Its stupid. She’s there now and he obviously doesn’t need me or love me anymore soooo,” the words slurred together.

Your best friend laughed. “It’s not stupid. And bitch… why would he be texting you all the time... and on Valentine’s day... if he didn’t care anymore?”

 Two weeks earlier…

Tom sat on the couch, phone in hand, Harrison on the other side of the couch and Harry laying on the ground in front of the TV. Fifa blared as loud as possible and Harry cursed out Harrison for screwing him over in the game at the end of the round.

“Alright Tom, your turn,” said Harrison, handing him the controller.

“Nah mate you play another. I’m good for now,” he said, not looking up from his phone.

Harry flipped around to look at him. “You’ve barely played tonight. Stop texting Annie for five minutes and play, Tom.”

Tom sighed. “You should be glad I’m not playing. Because if I was, you would not be winning right now. And i’m not texting Annie, for the record.”

“Then who the hell are you talking to? You haven’t stopped staring at your phone for a damn week,” Harrison called out.

“Nobody,” Tom flushed angrily.

“Oh shit,” Harry chuckled and looked over at Harrison with a smug grin.

“What?”

“Its y/n, isn’t it?” Harry teased. Harrison’s eyes lit up with recognition.

“Why would I be-“ argued Tom.

Harrison leapt across the couch and snagged Tom’s phone out of his hand.

“Aye! Fuck off!” Tom protested, reaching for the phone while Harrison blocked him from grabbing it.

“No way. It is y/n! Since when are you two talking again? Does Annie know? Shit- you aren’t doing anything stupid right?” Harrison quizzed.

Tom groaned. “No. I am not being stupid, okay?”

“So what does this mean?” Harry smiled.

“Nothing!” Tom sighed. “Nothing. I just… I don’t know. Annie has just been really frustrating lately and… y/n is always here for me. Even after I fucked with her head.”

The boys groaned in unison.

“Mate, you can’t just go back to her when your new girlfriend isn’t doing it for you. That’s fucked up,” Harrison lamented.

“I know. I’m not going back to her, okay? It just feels good to talk to her like we used to. It’s never really been that way with Annie.”

“So you still love her?” asked Harry.

“Of course I do,” Tom confessed.

 And back to the night on the town…

 You felt your phone vibrate slightly on the counter, and you looked down to see a call had just ended. Quickly you grabbed it and went to the call log.

“Shit. No no no no shit!” You panicked.

“What?” you best friend asked.

The call log showed your last activity-

One call with Tom. Two minutes and fourteen seconds.

You froze. “I… butt dialed him. I just fucking- HE HEARD ALL OF THAT CONVERSATION, Y/F/N!”

“Oh no.” your best friend processed what had happened.

“Oh no?! This is a BIT MORE than oh no. This is, I’m dead. I’m absolutely dead and should go lay on the street for the buses I’m dead. Oh my god.” You began to pace the bar.

“y/n it’s okay! He probably could tell you were drunk and is just gonna ignore it. Or maybe he didn’t really hear everything!” she reasoned with you.

You felt sick to your stomach. “I need to go home.”

The uber back to your apartment was quiet and uncomfortable, and the driver blasting 80’s rock at its fullest volume did not help your situation no matter how catchy Africa was.

When you arrived at your apartment building, you had almost sobered up minus some lingering fuzziness inside your head. You walked up the two flights of stairs, and as you were turning the corner to your room you rifled through your bag for your key. They clinked as you pulled them out and went for the keyhole.

“Hey.” A voice behind you made you squeal in fear.

“Fuck!” you flipped around quickly, only to be met by messy brown curls and eyes you hadn’t seen in a while.

You paused. “What.. what are you doing here?”

“Hi to you too, y/n,” Tom smiled shyly. “I uhm… I got your call.”

Your heart sank to your stomach. “…course you did. Listen, Tom, I was drunk and emotional and I am so sorry that you had to hear-“

“I want to talk.” He stepped closer to you and cut you off.

“Why? So I can be even more embarrassed than I am already?” you huffed.

“Annie and I broke up. A week and a half ago.” Tom spilled.

“And..?”

“Y/n I know that I fucked up. Bad. But I can’t stop myself from wanting to talk to you and be around you like we used to. And I know that I in no way deserve that from you. I just want that drunk voice in your head that I just heard to be the real y/n that I know. I miss you- and I don’t expect anything from you but I just needed you to know that. It wasn’t her.” He rambled.

“What wasn’t her?” your voice cracked and betrayed you.

“She wasn’t… I didn’t start dating her because it was her. I started dating her because I didn’t have you and I needed someone. But it’s always been you that I want.”

You stayed silent.

“I know that’s fucked up.”

“It is.” You agreed.

He ran his hands through his hair. “I should’ve… fuck I shouldn’t have come here. I’m sorry.” Tom turned to leave.

You grabbed his wrist to stop him and he turned around with wet eyes.

You took a deep breath.

“I’m not saying that any of this is okay, or that I forgive you, or anything.” He bowed his head further. “But- I miss you. I’m stupid and I miss you.”

“So what does that mean?” he questioned.

“I think… I think you need time. You need a while to figure you out, and maybe after that, I’ll be here,” you said.

“Time,” he smiled.

“I mean we’ve had plenty… what’s a little more?” you chucked a bit.

“Thank you, y/n,” he said sincerely.

“Boy, you have nothing to thank me for yet.”

He smiled and grabbed your hand. “Thanks for butt dialing me,” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes and slipped your hand out of his. “I’ll text you in the morning.”

“Okay. Night, y/n,” he agreed with a nod.

“Night, Tom,” you said, turning the key and walking inside.

A month passed, and after that time the texting became a coffee date. And the coffee date turned into dinner, and dinner turned into five. Time heals all wounds, they say. And even after a deep cut, you finally agreed with that.

  tagging my queen @wazzupmrstark bc she’s my boo hi

[heathendolan]

Shared Covers (G.D)

Summary: It becomes habitual for Grayson to climb in with you at night, and both of you are avoiding the elephant in the room, and Ethan’s a bit tired of it all the while.

Warnings: None besides swearing

A/N: Ahhhh my first Grayson fic released! This was actually kind of difficult to write since I’m a die-hard E girl hahaha. Anyway, enjoy !! 

Word Count: 5.4K+ || masterlist

You were dragged from a near coma when you felt your blanket lift. You groggily opened your eyes, blinking wearily at the vague figure standing over you.

“Grayson?” you guessed, propping yourself up on your elbow. You leaned over and switched your lamp on, staring at him through squinting eyes.

“Hi...” Grayson mumbled above you, shifting between his feet. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“...Do you wanna get in?” you suggested, not seeing what else you could possibly do. A quick glance at the clock told you it was 4 AM, an unreasonable hour to be woken up. However early it was, you couldn’t bring yourself to be even the slightest bit annoyed with your best friend.

Grayson nodded and you scooted over, letting him slip under the comforter. He snuck his arm around you, pulling you onto his chest. You felt your stomach swoop at the domesticity of it.

“You came into my room at 4 in the morning to cuddle?” you murmured against the bare skin of his chest. He nodded above you, chin rubbing against the top of your head. You grinned and then blushed when you realized he could probably tell he made you smile since your lips were pressed against his chest.

“Is that my shirt?” he asked, a smile evident in his voice, and scrunched the fabric in his fingers. When he saw it a few minutes ago through lamplight, he saw the navy blue cotton with their high school logo and a lacrosse stick marking the front. ‘Dolan’ was printed on the nape of the neck.

“No...” you drawled, your cheeks afire.

“So it’s Ethan's,” he pushed. You nodded and he huffed unhappily. However, when he ran his hands up and down your back, he felt the graphic rubber was shaped in 07, which was his number. “Liar,” he accused, the two of you giggling in the dark.

“I only lied because I don’t want you to take it back. This is my favorite sleep shirt.”

Grayson hugged you tighter to him and dragged his fingertips along your back. “I’m sorry for waking you up,” he whispered.

“Don’t be, if you can’t sleep you can always come in here. I think I sleep better too, when you’re here,” you confessed, your voice even despite your hot cheeks.

“Hmm, alright,” he agreed, sliding his hand into your hair. You groaned in happiness when he started scratching at your roots and pulling at the strands that cascaded down your back.

“Okay, sleep in here every night if you’re going to do this,” you moaned making Grayson chuckle. You closed your eyes again, relaxing under his touch. “Do we have anything to do tomorrow?” you yawned.

He hummed back a no, sounding as though he were on the brink of unconsciousness. You flattened your palm against his chest and situated yourself a bit before letting yourself be swallowed by sleep.

—

Ethan blearily peaked his head in Grayson's door, noticing a crumpled duvet and lack of human. With a frown, he strutted down the hall into the kitchen in hopes of finding his brother sitting at the bar eating breakfast, but to no avail. It was about 7 AM on a Saturday, and, knowing Gray as well Ethan knew him, he would be tucked in his bed, passed out until noon.

He walked to the guest room where you always slept. Twisting the door handle, he pushed it open, grimacing when it creaked. Poking his head in, he noticed one body and then another. A smile graced his face at the cheesy, cheesy scene in front of him.

He dug out his phone and snapped a picture of the two absolutely tangled up in each other. You were wedged between his legs, your belly on his bare one, your nose tucked beneath his chin. Your legs were intertwined messily, Grayson's arms wrapped snug around the small of your back, your arms weaved around his neck. How could they not know they’re in love with each other?

Ethan shook his head and turned to leave. However, the door creaked yet again, stirring Gray. “E?” he rasped.

“Mm, yeah?” Ethan hummed, turning around.

“What time is it?”

“About 7.”

Grayson sighed happily. “Thank God,” he groaned. “Oh my god, I have to piss.”

Ethan laughed. “How’d you end up in here?”

“Couldn’t sleep at all, by 4 I guess I just..” he faded, not quite sure how to end that sentence. He wasn’t sure what he was thinking when he got up to waddle over to your room, but it worked out for him.

"I see. If you were up so late, go pee and then go back to bed,” Ethan offered.

“And wake her up? No way, I’ll just fall back asleep,” Gray scoffed, shutting his eyes decidedly.

Ethan rolled his eyes with a warm grin. “You’ve got it so bad,” he mumbled under his breath.

“What was that?”

“I, uh, said you’ve got the best bed, to sleep in, right now. We should really switch out the beds so that I can have this super comfy one, and the guest doesn’t get the best bed,” he covered poorly.

“What? (Y/N) sleeps here like, 3 or 4 times a week. She shouldn’t get a shitty bed. Leave her and her comfy bed alone,” Gray grumbled.

Ethan shook his head as Gray only further confirmed what he actually said. “We’ll see.”

“E,” Grayson barked.

“Chill out bro, I’m kidding. You guys can keep your comfy bed and snuggle in it all night if you want to, I don’t care,” he responded, finally seizing the opportunity to mock their position.

Grayson flushed down to his chest. “Would you just let me go back to sleep? If I don’t fall asleep soon, I’ll need to actually pee, and then I’d have to wake her up. Shoo.”

“Yeah, you just don’t want to stop cuddling with her-“ Ethan started laughing before he was silenced by a throw pillow being chucked his way.

—

The second time it happened was a few nights later. Grayson tossed and turned in his bed, kicking the covers that were too hot, yanking them back up when it was immediately too cold. He groaned and kicked his feet childishly. Throwing his comforter back, he jumped out of bed and padded to your room.

He opened the door to find you still awake, turned on your side with the glow of your book lamp illuminating your face. “What are you still doing up?” he asked with a smile, leaning against the doorframe.

“I could ask you the same,” you murmured, glancing up from your novel.

Grayson chuckled and walked over to the bed, sliding into the spot beside you. He tucked an arm over your waist and settled in, propped his chin above your head. “Whatcha readin’?”

“The fourth Harry Potter,” you replied, flipping the page with your index finger. Gray tried to read along with you, but you were a far faster reader and kept cutting his sentence off with your advancement.

“I don’t know how you can read this series so many times. This has to be your 10th time reading them all over,” he teased, squeezing you where his arm draped by your waist.

“16th, actually,” you confirmed. He rolled his eyes even though your back was to him. “And besides, I think I find something new every time I read them. They’re magical, I mean, obviously, but really, there’s something about them that I just can’t get enough of. They’re enchanting and engrossing and endlessly readable.”

“Anymore ‘en’s?” Gray mocked.

You giggled, “Of course: they’re enjoyable, engaging, enhancing, enticing-“

“Oh my god, you are such an English geek,” Grayson laughed loudly, his contagious laugh sending you into a fit of giggles.

Through the dim light of the moon, Grayson noticed the red sleeve of your hoodie that adorned your body. “You are an actual thief.”

“Hmm?”

“This is my hoodie!” he exclaimed, tugging on the oh-so-soft fabric he adored so much. He should be even a little annoyed that his favorite favorite favorite hoodie was swept from him, but he wasn’t. Not in the least.

“Is it?” you gasped in faux surprise.

“You’re lucky I’m nice, I should be taking back what’s rightfully mine,” he warned. “That’s my favorite!”

“You can have it back if you want, but just know you’d be breaking my heart, because this is my favorite hoodie, too,” you pouted. You snapped your book shut and set it on the desk, twisting to face Grayson.

“Break your heart? I couldn’t if I tried,” he sung. You gaped at him with a smile.

“...Oh honey if I get restless!” you continued on.

“Baby you’re not that kind,” he sang back, sliding his hand underneath your chin dramatically.

“Bum bum, bum bum, bum bum bum,” you hummed.  

“Don’t go breakin’ my heart!” Grayson yelled, leaning back.

“You take the weight off me!” you shouted back.

“Oh honey when you knock on my door!”

“Ooo, I gave you my key,” you said, your voice cracking and a fit of laughter ensuing.

The two of you broke apart from your embrace, stood on the bed and threw your heads back, singing loudly and very off key. “Woohoo! Nobody knows it! When I was down, I was your clown, Woohoo! Nobody knows it! Right from the start, I gave-“

“Holy fucking shit, it is 4 in the fucking morning and I am trying to fucking sleep, shut the fuck up!” Ethan shouted from the doorway, flicking on the lights. You and Grayson exchanged a glance, hardly containing your giggles.

“Oh, come on E,” you pouted and hopped off the mattress, running to him and throwing your arms around him. “Have a little fun.”

Grayson joined you, encasing Ethan in a sandwiched hug. “You guys are so lucky it was funny to watch... and record. I’m never deleting this video,” he remarked.

“Wait, let me see,” you giggled.

He pulled up his phone, the video still playing on loop. It was of Ethan walking down the hall, your voices echoing throughout the house loudly. Woohoo! Nobody knows it! Ethan lifts his phone, and through the shining moonlight, you can see Grayson and you pointing at each other in action, both holding invisible microphones. When I was down, I was your clown. Woohoo! Nobody knows it! Grayson slides a hand underneath your jaw and you place a hand on his chest, both for theatrics, of course. Right from the start, I gave- Holy fucking shit, it is 4 in the morning!

“Please send me that,” you beg through a fit of laughter. Ethan nods chuckling, and texts it to you.

“Okay, but seriously, go to bed, you hooligans.”

You shoo a more-or-less grumpy Ethan off before climbing back in beneath the covers. As the door shuts, you two burst into laughter, still energetic from your karaoke session.

"Wanna go swimming?" Grayson asked lowly, his nose pressed to your temple.

"Gray, it is four in the morning..." you scolded through giggles. "...But yes. Let's go." Grayson grabbed your wrist and pulled you from the comfort of your comforter, dragging you onto the wood floor and out into the hallway. "Wait, I don't have a swimsuit..." you muttered.

"How do you not have a swimsuit here?" Grayson groaned."You should honestly just move in with us, seriously."

"I can't, Sierra would miss me too much," you sing-songed. "I'll just go in my underwear."

Grayson swallowed hard, feeling his throat tighten up. "Yeah," he squeaked out, "but since I have a swimsuit, I'm going to go change.. I'll see you in a minute,"

You nodded and departed to the kitchen, grabbing two waters and the box of cheez-its tucked away in the back of the pantry just for you. You snuck out the back door, the warm California air coating your skin, peeled off the red sweatshirt Grayson loves so dearly, and shucked off your athletic shorts. You were left in a plain black set, no decorations or fancy lace as you might have hoped. As you debated changing, Grayson walked out of the back door carrying two bottles of water and another box of cheez its. "Great minds think alike," you smirked, gesturing to your snacks and his. He laughed, but it came out squeaky and small. You grabbed the ponytail wrapped around your wrist and dipped down to tie your hair back.

Gray had to fight a groan just looking at you. Your figure's mouth-watering, with a curved waist and hour-glass shape. Your underwear is plain, thank god; Grayson isn't sure if he could handle anything decorative.

"You ready?" you asked.

"Of course," he mumbled darkly, advancing towards you with menacing claws.

"G, just let me jump in on my own," you pleaded, creeping backward until your foot caught the edge of the pool. He shook his head, a genuine grin gracing his features. "G." Grayson crouched down before sprinting towards you. You yelped and dodged to the right, narrowly missing his aim. You watched in shock as he dove clumsily head-first into the deep end, sinking a ways before returning to the surface, sputtering. You laughed so hard tears collect in your eyes, spilling over the edge as you shook with giggles. Grayson cracked up too, clutching the edge for support as he wheezed and rasped. "Instant Karma," you choked out, holding your stomach with the dull ache only true laughter can give you.

"C'mon, get in you baby," he coaxed, still chuckling.

You nodded and sat on the ledge, slipping your legs into the cool water. Grayson grabbed you round the waist, and, with many protests, pulled you into the blue. "I was going to come in at my own pace," you whined, pushing at his shoulders. He still held your side, always, always touching you in some way.

"Yeah, but you're far too slow for my taste," he smirked.

"As if I care about your taste," you snarked, dramatically flipping your sopping wet hair off your shoulder. Gray hoped you cared about his taste--you were specifically his taste; you were all he ever wanted.

"Okay sassy pants," he mocked and squeezed your side.

"Grayson!" you squeaked, splashing him childishly.

"Don't start something you can't finish, I will drown you, (Y/N)," he threatened, his words heatless.

"Wouldn't that be a eulogy," you laughed. "'(Y/N) was such a good friend for so many years, but then she playfully splashed me with water once, and I had to end it all for her,'" you said, mocking Grayson's voice at your fake funeral.

"Oh please, I wouldn't be that nice. I'd say, '(Y/N) was decent, sometimes she cooked for my brother and me, and other times you wreaked havoc in our home, like the time you splashed me evilly, and I was forced to drown you.' I think everyone would understand my motive," he smirked.

"You wouldn't even be able to speak at my funeral, you'd be in jail for murder," you scoffed, splashing him again.

He shrugged and dunked your head beneath the water. You came to the surface sputtering. "It'd be worth it."

"Oh shut up, you couldn't survive a day without me, you'd miss me far too much," you said smugly.

Grayson wished you weren't so right.

You propped your elbows up on the ledge, lazily swishing your feet in the water. Grayson mimicked you, pressing his arm right up against yours. You watched the dark moonlit sky transition into one of navy, the moon shifting overhead.

You guys floated and talked about everything and nothing: which dinosaurs were the coolest, if there was a god and what he looked like, at what ages you thought you’d die and how, where you’d most like to travel, your favorite childhood TV shows, and what your scariest dreams were.

"And I was in the closet in this big creaky house, like the stairs are here, and I'm upstairs in a closet, and I heard this creaking from the thing walking up the stairs," Gray explained, drawing an invisible map on the concrete ledge. You had propped your chin on your hand and watched his every move, from the way his mouth curved to the dimple that imprinted when he got excited. "and it's walking towards the closet, right? And I'm covering my mouth to keep from screaming when all of a sudden it stops right in front of the door I'm hiding behind. And it laughs--but like, from outside the door--and then it grabs me from behind. Like, it was in the closet all along!" he exclaimed, his hands waving around dramatically.

"Oh my god, I would piss myself," you cringed. "Seriously, my stomach just dropped just listening to that."

"I know! Dude, it was so scary. I slept with Ethan for like, a week," he panted, exasperated. You shook your head, turning to look at the skyline.

"G, look at that sunrise," you gasped, pointing to the masterpiece in front of you. Oranges and pinks splattered messily above the horizon, forming a framework for a glowing yellow sun. The sky was violet, darkening as it stretched into space. Puffy clouds hung to the ocean, reflecting the colors that painted the air.

"It's beautiful," he croaked. You glanced at him and his mouth was agape with awe. His hazel eyes were wide with wonder, dark circles smudging his under eyes. Grayson's defining freckle that dotted his chin stood out against his tanned skin, centimeters away from his plump pink lips. He looked in awe, but more than that, he looked breathtaking. “Are you seeing this?” he asked, glancing at you and back to the sunrise, mouth still ajar.

“Um, yeah, no, it’s probably the best I’ve ever seen,” you nodded, hesitantly turning back to the world’s second most beautiful natural wonder.

You gawked at the rising sun, still exchanging stories here and there until it rose to its full totality, beginning to bake the southern California air.  “We still haven’t slept,” Grayson noted, glancing up at the sun, wincing at the brightness. “What time do you think it is?” he asked as you lifted yourself on to the pool ledge.

“I have no idea. I’m rarely up to watch sunrises so I honestly have no idea what time California wakes up,” you chuckled.

“This city never sleeps, there’s no waking up,” he smiles, poking your side. He yawns widely and pulls himself up to your level. “Is there a going to sleep for us though? I’m tired now,” he asked.

You nodded, “Let’s just dry off and then I need to shower before I can sleep again, I hate the feeling of chlorine.”

“Hate it huh?” he smirked. As the two of you rise, he picked you up by the waist and threw you back into the pool effortlessly. You screamed, of course, but your wails were quickly drowned out by the water burying you to the concrete floor of the pool.

You pushed off with the soles of your feet, glaring at him as soon as you resurfaced. He was cackling, and you caved and laughed along with him. “I hate you,” you groaned with a smile. “No really, I do. I’m currently plotting your death, Grayson Dolan, watch your back,” you insisted.

“Oh I’m really scared,” Grayson smirked, lifting his hands in defense. “You’re just so intimidating, (Y/N).”

“You’ll believe me when it happens, now help me out you asshole.”

Grayson leaned down and extended his hand, falling straight into your trap. You lifted up and tugged on his wrist with both hands and all your weight, jerking him into the pool with you. He makes a sickening flop when he crashed to the water, only intensifying your giggling-fit.

“I.. deserved that, I did,” he admits, laughing loudly. You nodded, cloaking yourself in a towel before you strutted back into the house, stranding a sopping wet boy.

You rinsed off in the shower, sudsing your hair and lathering with honey-scented soap. Lazily you left, sliding on your (Grayson's) favorite red hoodie and athletic shorts once more.

You returned to your bed to find him already unconscious—truly knocked out. He was snoring, mouth stretched inhumanly wide open. You chuckled, ran a hand through your damp hair, and crawled into his space. Dragging the duvet over the both of you, you turned, and, with little dignity and a lot of blushing, wrapped yourself around him and drifted to sleep instantly.

—

"Late night last night?" Ethan taunted, barely concealing his smirk. Grayson shot him a warning glare: whatever unspoken tension that had always existed between Gray and you was just that; unspoken. It was never discussed; it was off limits. The three of you were lazily strung along the couch, Grayson sandwiched between you and Ethan. You two began slumping, laying all your weight on Ethan, battling unconsciousness while a horror movie chased across the screen.

"Yeah, but you were too much of a pussy to join us, so we had to have fun on our own," you retorted, stretching your back out across the laps of the two of them. You leaned up and poked the underside of Ethan's chin, and he rolled his eyes.

Oh, I'm sure you did, Ethan thought. "Maybe next time we can just wait and go swimming in the morning instead of waking Ethan up at four AM, singing some stupid Elton John song," he bit back, though his words held no heat. He, in return, poked your cheek, a grin stretching beneath his index finger. You lifted a hand and ran it gently through his hair, but soon patted the side of his face, leaving a subtle sting.

"Nah, there’s no fun in that," you giggled, turning to face to the movie again. Grayson coughed beside you, lowly, but obviously. Ethan peeked over at him, nearly rolling his eyes when he noticed a scowl. He nudged him with his elbow but was ignored entirely. You twisted to look at Gray, and seeing his glower, said, "G? You sleepy? Or are you grumpy because you aren't getting any attention?"

A smile broke out beneath Grayson's frown. "No, I'm good, but I'm tired. Really tired."

"Wanna go to bed?" you offered, cupping his jaw. He nodded and lifted you off him, carrying you off the couch.

"You're going with?" Ethan asked you, a smug smile fighting it's way to his face.

"Guess so," you shrugged, chuckling up at Grayson. He shook his head with a grin, still holding you between his two arms. He carried you to the guest room down the hall, you two giggling the whole way, and Ethan gagged.

Even as Ethan sat and watched the slasher cinema on the screen, he was distracted by the boisterous, open laughter and squeals echoing from your room. How could those two be so clueless? They had to know this wasn’t normal best friend behavior. Best friends acted how Grayson and Ethan acted, or how Ethan and you acted. Not how you and Grayson acted. No sir, hopeless love is what that was.

Grayson passed through the living room to grab a water bottle from the kitchen, a flush still staining his skin from laughing. He was still grinning, a few chuckles escaping even as he stood alone raiding the refrigerator. It was then that Ethan decided 'in love' looked good on his brother. Happy looked good on him. But as he returned and passed Ethan, Grayson frowned and asked quietly, "Hey, it's none of my business I guess, but do you have a thing for (Y/N)? If you do it's cool, I'm just wondering."

Ethan, who had been drinking at the time, choked on the water in shock, coughing through a fit of laughter. "What?"

"I just saw the way you guys were acting a minute ago. Seemed flirty," Grayson huffed, glaring at his cuticles that were suddenly so interesting.

"Um, no, Grayson, I do not have a thing for (Y/N)," he shook his head still chuckling.

"Why are you laughing? (Y/N) is the best girl a guy could ask for," Grayson grumbled, meeting his eyes. Ethan shook his head, noting how absolutely gone Grayson was on you.

"Bro... I would never do that to you."

"Do what to me?" Gray asked, a furrow in his brow.

"You've got to be shitting me." Ethan groaned under his breath. How could someone be this oblivious? "I'm your brother you know, and your best friend. If you haven't figured it out by now, then you're a fucking idiot. But if you haven't, I wouldn't... I wouldn't ever try to make a move on (Y/N). That's your girl, G."

"No, no (Y/N) is to me like (Y/N) is to you," Gray panicked and denied, his hands raised defensively.

Ethan laughed loudly, shook his head and said, "Like hell she is! The day I make heart eyes at (Y/N) is the day I'm guilty of incest. I do not have feelings for (Y/N). She’s a sister to me.”

Gray wedged his thumbnail between his teeth, gnawing on the nub. “Duh, me too,” he mumbled, the words tasting sour in his mouth.

Ethan's eyes widened unnaturally and breathed, "Christ Grayson, stop lying to yourself, you know you're in love with her."

"No, I'm not!" he said. "I don't even know what you're talking about."

Ethan closed his eyes and dragged his hand down his face. “Alright, well, go to sleep, maybe when you wake up you’ll have a brain.”

Gray scoffed and turned to leave with a scowl. However, as he walked down the hall, a frantic feeling rose in his throat. Had he been obvious? Had he really been that obvious? He had always been so careful: made sure his eyes didn't rest on you as long as they'd like and always fought down the urge to curl around you on the couch. He thought he had been discreet, but clearly not.

As he reached the fork that stood between your room and his own, Gray paused with a jumble of thoughts. He creaked open your door and, to his relief, found your eyes glued shut and your breathing heavy. He shuffled over to the bed and kissed the top of your head, smoothing your hair down where it laid on the pillow. When he pulled back, a hand came with him, fisted in his cotton tee. "Where’re you going?" you whined, eyes scrunched in confusion.

Grayson grinned warmly, tugging the blanket over you. You were wearing his 4OU tour shirt, completely drowning in the fabric. His heart swelled. "'M going to my room bub," he whispered, running a hand over your hair again.

"No." you groaned. "Please, just sleep in here. I sleep so much better."

Grayson's panic resurfaced. 'That's your girl, G.' Squeakily, he rushed out, "I can't, I um, I-"

"It's okay, you don't have to," you muttered, and while a frown formed on your face, you flipped onto your side.

"I..," he drifts off, not sure how to explain that he's sure he'll accidentally confess his undying love for you if he slides in next to you.

"It's all good. Goodnight, Grayson," you said evenly.

Grayson stood there debating his options for 20 full seconds. Then, he turned, slipped out of the room and across the hall to his own room and crawled into a bed far less inviting. And so, Gray lied in his bed, cycling through possible scenarios where you and him could work out, in another life, for hours. He tossed and turned, kicked his covers off, dragged them back on, changed tee shirts, wrote down video ideas (which, at this point in insomnia, were absolutely senseless. For example, Grayson came up with the sleep challenge, where they took naps while being recorded, and saw who could sleep continually the longest. It sounded good, really good, at the time), scrubbed his hands down his face in frustration, and listened to a variety of music.

He even read. He rummaged through his room, sure you left it behind the time you fell asleep on his bed and he, out of his own concern, slept in the guest room. After tearing his room apart top to bottom, he found it; Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. He flipped open the book, and smiled wide; this book was you. He leafed through the pages and found that they were all  smeared with highlighter on quotes or sections you particularly loved (though it seemed as though the entire book had been stained), notes in pen, pencil, and blue marker cluttered the pages, comments varying from 'the moment I realized Hermione was far cleverer than Harry' to 'what an IDIOT.' His heart was pounding with the acceptance that he, Grayson Dolan, was entirely, hopelessly, irreversibly in love with you. He already knew this, but accepting it was different. Fighting all his urges was becoming too much, he had to tell you before some other guy noticed how helplessly beautiful you were and snatched you up first.

So, he slammed the book shut, only on page 25, and while his nerves were still buzzing with anxiety and nervousness and love, he hopped from his bed. He padded out the door, opened yours, and crept through to find you propped up, reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, a pen wiggling between your teeth. "Yes?" you asked quietly, coldly.

"What time is it?" he asked, fingers twiddling by his side. He clenched his fist and then relaxed it and repeated this many times.

"3:21 A.M."

"Alright, here goes nothing," Grayson breathed out.

''G, what are you-"

"I'm in love with you," Gray muttered, his voice four octaves too high, his breath shaky and soft and horribly small.

"I can't hear you G, what?"

"I'm, I'm-" Grayson groaned. "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!" he shouted, loud, clear, even and big. He ignored Ethan's cheering from the other room and instead, stared back at you, whose pen had dropped from your mouth. "I'm in love with you, I'm so, so in love with you. I don’t- I can’t- I can’t even breathe when I’m around you sometimes, it feels like every time I look at you, you’re just too beautiful and it doesn’t matter if it’s when you’re my plus one at a wedding or we’re watching a movie, you are so beautiful to me.” he gasped, his words tumbling over one another in a rant. “My mind is-is like fuzz when you do anything, I saw you reading in here the other night and my heart wouldn’t stop pounding. It is insane how much I love you. I pray to God all the time that I would have the courage to tell you, even if you didn’t feel the same, so I won’t have to live with the regret of what could have been. We could be great together. I’m so in love with you.”

You gaped at him in complete disbelief. It was as if a vacuum had sucked out all the oxygen from your lungs, depriving you of any relief until you got up and kissed the boy who was shaking in front of you.

And so you did. You threw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire off of you, the ink from your pen bleeding into the sheets of your bed, climbed out wearing just his tee, and practically launched yourself at him, grabbing anything you could: hair, shoulders, his tee, his jaw, and slotted your mouths together. It was so forceful Grayson teetered backward, but he wrapped you up in his arms and spun the two of you in a circle, and smiled so big you couldn’t even continue kissing.

“‘M in love with you too,” you mumbled against his mouth and giggled.

“Hmm? What was that? Say it again,” he persuaded, setting you down.

“I said, I’m in love with you.”

“One more time?”

“I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU,” you screamed, grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. And then you were laughing, and then Ethan was cheering through the walls once more, and then you two were laughing even harder. “Alright, now you’re sleeping in here all the time so I can actually pass out. I’m exhausted,” you groaned, running a hand through your hair.

Grayson nodded, his stomach full of butterflies knowing this was the start of something amazing.  You pulled away from him and flipped back the blankets, grabbed his hand and pulled him in. Grayson kissed you a few more times for safety (and just cause he could), and then, as quick as a light switch, you were fast asleep, tangled limbs and all.

[jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets]

Lost in Translation

Title: Lost in Translation

Fandom: Star Trek

Pairing: Mckirk

Rating: Explicit

Tags: minor character death, hurt, little bit of self destruction, stranded, possible smut down the line

Summary:

    “Attention citizens. This is the crew of the Enterprise asking for your aid. On Stardate 2264.78 a shuttle manned by our captain and fourteen cadets was ambushed by an unknown source and chased out of sight of our ship and into open space. Those cadets as well as our captain, James Tiberius Kirk, are still missing. We are asking anyone with any information on their whereabouts, or regarding the attack, to please contact the Enterprise immediately. Our family would appreciate any assistance you can give.” 

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Special Thanks: wanted to give a huge shout out to my girl Katie, AKA @goingknowherewastaken for being a huge inspiration for this fic as well as for being a huge help (especially when it comes to putting up with my frantic ramblings lol) you're awesome boo <3

A/N: So this is a work in progress but it’s basically finished and I’ve been making great headway with this recently, so this will be the first fic I’ve ever finished! Woohoo!! And I'm thinking that I’ll probably stick to a Sunday post schedule.

    Also a little note for y’all to keep in mind while reading. I have tagged this fic “possible eventual smut” and that’s because right now I don’t have any planned buuuuut… I'm going to leave that option up to you guys! Between the readers here and AO3, if you're still with me by the end of this fic, leave a comment and let me know if you would be interested in an epilogue or end scene with smut. I’ll post a reminder at the end, but keep it in mind while reading.

    And if anyone is interested in being tagged for future posts for this fic or any others I may post, please let me know and I’ll add you to the list! Thanks for reading <3

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Chapter 3:

     Food was getting scarce, there was no life for miles that Jim could see on this god forsaken hell hole, and he was getting worried that the makeshift shelter of broken shuttle parts wouldn’t hold his crew for much longer. Especially from the looming, and slowly moving storm that was heading right for them. They were open, exposed, and Colten needed severe antibiotics for the infection in the gash on his upper left leg. But damn if they weren’t down to their last generic antibiotic pill in the, very small, emergency medkit. The basic pills that were only meant to hold you off for a few days until rescue, were gone, not to mention not near strong enough for the infection that had festered there. He could tell Colten was in significant pain and suffering every second, and without a quick rescue from the Enterprise it was only going to get worse. Colten would not be able to fight this infection alone if they ran out of antibiotics before they were found.

     Jim let out a hard shaky breath. Four members of the small crew on his shuttle had perished in the crash. One instantly, and three more over the last three days, all from their injuries. But there was nothing Jim could have done for them. There was nothing he could do for any of them really, just like there was nothing he could do for Colten now. He wasn’t a doctor, he wasn’t Bones!

     Bones, he thought back to his best friend fighting to get on the shuttle with him, trying to come with him instead of the regular landing party, and thank god Jim hadn’t let him on board. He didn’t even want to think about how that could have ended. Though he would give anything in the entire galaxy to have Bones here with him, helping his injured cadets and comforting Jim, he would rather be alone and know that Bones was safe on the ship and not dead or severely injured like the rest of his small crew.

     Colten stirred in his sleep, rolling onto his back with a cry of pain, waking up. Jim turned his attention away from the storm, and away from thoughts of Bones, and crawled over to Colten at the back of their shelter.

     In the crash Jim had somehow managed, by the luck of what he didn’t quite know, to get out with only minor injuries. Mostly some artificial cuts and bruises, a possible sprained knee and a slight limp as a result, but nothing that would kill him unlike the rest of his crew.

     When Jim made it the short distance to Colten, who was now crying from the pain of his leg and surely the burn of infection, he pulled the young boys head into his lap and began carding comforting fingers through his hair. “Hey, Colten, you in pain buddy?”

     Colten couldn’t even find his voice, just gave Jim a curt nod before closing his eyes and trying not to focus on the pain. The poor kid, and that’s just it, they were all kids. Most of them fresh recruits from the academy, straight out of graduation, and now they were either dead or dying. Jim had let them down on their first mission, he had failed all of them.

     Jim continued to sooth Colten as best he could, while reaching into his pocket with his other hand, pulling out two small bottles and shaking them with a frown.

     “It hurts, Captain,” Colten all but moaned, and Jim felt for the kid.

     “I know,” he whispered as he opened the bottles in his hand and dumped the last two pills out, “I’m gunna give you these, Colten. It’s the last antibiotic I have and the last pain killer.”

     Colten nodded his head in Jim’s lap, and Jim used one hand to put the pills in his mouth, and the other returned to Colten’s hair. “Unfortunately that’s all we’ve got left. After that the only thing we can do is hope that the Enterprise finds us fast.”

     Jim felt when the pain killer kicked in and Colten drifted back to sleep, probably the last good sleep he’d get until they were found... if they were found.

     “Captain!”

     Jim turned his head back towards two young girls lying on the ground beside each other, to the right of Colten. One had been badly tossed around in the crash, she had been in and out of consciousness for days, and Jim was sure she had at the very least, punctured a lung as well as had some internal bleeding. The other girl had similar injuries but was doing better at pulling through the pain and staying awake, but Jim was sure that wasn’t going to last much longer.

     After placing Colten’s head back on the ground he made his way as fast as he could to the girls.

     When he got to them and looked between them, he noticed they were still holding hands. “What’s wrong?” He sat between them.

     The girl on his right, Cadet Mina Kelly, shifted her eyes to his as best she could, watery, sorrow filled eyes, and Jim was sure he already knew. “She... she’s cold. She stopped squeezing back... Captain...” she choked out.

     He tried to hold his composure as best he could as he pulled himself closer to the girl on his left. He laid two fingers on her neck and waited, feeling for himself just how cold she already was. When he pulled back, he looked to Cadet Kelly before reaching into his pocket for his comm. Without a word to the cadet he spoke as calmly as he could into the device, “Captain’s log, Stardate 2264.81. Another cadet lost to the crash, Cadet Olvira Moure... Rest in Peace.”

     He closed the comm as the choked sobs of Cadet Kelly came heavily from his side.

*****************

     Two days later found Captain Jim Kirk with two more dead and only seven crew members left from his fourteen man crew.

     Colten had finally succumbed to his injuries. The generic antibiotic not even coming close to doing the job that was needed, resulting in the infection spreading, and a no doubt painful death for the very young cadet.

     The second was Mina Kelly, though Jim would admit he didn’t expect her to last much past Cadet Moure’s death. The two had similarly severe injuries, not only that but as much as the two had tried to be professional, and they had, Jim already knew the two were lovers. They had met back in their academy days, the two hitting it off right away. It was by chance they had ended up on the same ship, but unfortunately fate had a sick sense of humour about that. After Olvira’s passing two days before, he had watched as Mina’s strength to hold on gave way fast, and she soon followed her lover into the black. He knew the only reason she was keeping it together as good as she was, was all for Olvira, and once she was gone Mina had no reason to hold on any longer.

    And if the last five days weren’t bad enough, the storm was almost right over top of them. Jim could smell the rain, could hear the thunder rolling, getting louder and louder every day. He knew this storm was coming and it looked like something he had only seen in movies. It was going to be one hell of a storm and Jim couldn’t do anything to prepare his remaining crew. The planet around them was barren, there was nothing that Jim could use to upgrade the shelter, nothing he could use to make things more comfortable for his already suffering crew. The only thing he could do was sit and wait, and hope to any power that may be that the Enterprise would find them fast.

    As he sat outside the shelter, watching the looming fate before him grow closer, he reached a hand to his comm and flipped it open. “Captain’s log, Stardate 2264.83. With a total of seven dead and seven remaining crew members, I fear the worst is yet to come. The conditions of the cadets are worsening, we have maybe one day left of food between us, and no medical supplies of any kind left. Not to mention the ever growing threat of this ominous storm that is almost right on top of us. When this storm does hit, and I know it’s going to hit hard, I expect I will lose more of my crew if we are not rescued by then. Unfortunately there is nothing more I can do for any of them except keep hopes high that the Enterprise will soon find us. But with every day that passes, with no word or sign of our friends or our ship, I don’t know how much longer I myself can keep that up. That is, if I will soon have any crew left to do that for…” Jim ran a hand through his hair, before letting go a sigh and continuing into the comm at a whisper, “god, Bones, I wish you were here…”

*************

    Leonard ran a hand across his already clammy forehead. That was only Jim’s first few days of logs and Leonard wasn’t sure he would make it through another forty.

     Leonard had tried to prepare himself for the worst when Jim was missing. He knew there was a large possibility of death amongst the cadets, as well as Jim, but it was a hard reality for him to process. He was missing for over a month, nearly forty-five days Jim was gone from his life, and Len had no way of knowing if he was alive or dead or god forbid, floating out in space somewhere. And that haunting threat had resulted in an almost sleepless forty-five days and a close call with alcohol poisoning.

    And now, six days in Jim had already lost more then half of his group. Six days in and at this point the Enterprise wasn’t even anywhere close to finding Jim. But knowing that Jim had to sit and watch, already seven cadets die without anything he could have done for them... Leonard knew that Jim was hurting inside because of it. He would hold all of this on his own shoulders and it wouldn’t be easy for him to get over if he woke up.

     Leonard reached a hand over to Jim, making the decision this time to take his hand in his and hold it tight. Even though he knew it would be the case, it still sent a pang through his heart when Jim didn’t squeeze back.

     He left their hands entwined as the padd prompted him forwards, offering Jim’s next log on the screen and with increasingly shaking fingers, he opened it.

    “Captains log, Stardate 2264.85. The storm has finally caught up to us. The shelter is leaking and I’ve already used every scrap piece of anything I could find to patch things up the best I could, but it has so far proven ineffective. We are seven men down and unfortunately… probably still counting. The storm brought with it incredible winds and a drop in temperature, and I'm afraid that on top of the injuries my crew are still suffering, pneumonia could be next. I can’t… I don’t know what to do. The planet we’ve landed on is dry and open, leaving nothing but hard ground around us, now replaced by mud thanks to the rain. There is nothing I can use, no flora to stop the leaks in our shelter, or prevent the wind from breaching the walls, and… and I'm not a doctor damn it! We’ve already lost seven people, four of which I know Doctor McCoy could have easily saved, and the seven remaining cadets won’t make it much longer without proper medical! God-” a heavy breath is heard through the padd, shaky and frustrated, before Jim's voice whispers desperately into the comm, “god, Bones, I miss you so much…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Getting into more plot as we go!! As always i would love to hear your thoughts!! And yeah, I literally could not wait to get this show on the road so I decided to make a surprise post today lol and there will still be another post on the weekend to look forward to :D Tags: @goingknowherewastaken @weresilver-in-space @bi-e-ne @resistance-is-futile81 @medicatemedrmccoy @0dannyphantom0 @jimboy-mccoy @reading-in-moonlight @flaminglupine

And I’m also going to tag @haveyouseenmymind since you were interested in some of my other mckirk fics, I thought you might like this one :)

[patsquidbob]

Sailor Sailor

A Sailor Moon parody I wrote for fun. Warning it’s pretty long and badly formatted because I wrote this on some website that has weird formatting and yeah. It also includes some Chinese in pinyin.

I walked out of the school, breathing in the windy air that lay all around us now, it was so nice to finally be out of school! Better yet, it was Friday, so now I can relax at home! My friends were chattering about stuff I didn't really care about before Yuèliàng mentioned something about a scalpel. "I was able to sneak this scalpel past my kēxué lǎoshī!" Yuèliàng exclaimed pulling the sharp blade out of her skirt pocket, this was probably the fifth time she had stolen from one of her lǎoshī's and got away with it. But at this point I don't think they cared.

"Yuèliàng! That was a very dangerous thing of you to do, you know?" Tiffany; a transfer student from America; exclaimed, trying to snatch the sharp blade from her precious friends hand. Yuèliàng just moved the scalpel away from Tiffany, snickering at Tiff's failed attempts of retrieveing this sharp and shiny object. We continued walking until we got to out split; Tiffany and Yuèliàng lived on the same street while I lived on the opposite street. I waved to my friends while saying goodbye and walking down the road, not paying any attention due to a text I had recieved. It read something about..... Well I couldn't understand it, and before I could translate it to Chinese I tripped and fell down a long and steep hill.

"W-WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I screamed out as I fumbled down the hill, hitting my body on every rock, stick and crevice that layed on the steep hill. It was a short ride as I abruptly came to a stop, smashing into a long and thick tree. I think I may have cracked a rib.I stood up gripping my waist, groaning out in pain; that's definitely gonna leave a mark. While looking around my surrounding (I didn't see much other than trees, bushes and the dirt I was standing) I saw something that sticked out from the nature environment that I was in. A very bright pink heart charm... How feminine, I wonder who owns this, whoever it was they were probably a massive girly girl. I picked up the charm which unbeknownst to me, was a big mistake. I found myself being engulfed in a bright pink light of beam, with many sparkles accompanying it. I think i'm gonna go blind if I continue looking at this with my eyes opened, so I shut them as I felt the clothes on me transform into well... A completely different outfit.

I soon fell onto the ground as I snapped open my eyes, thanks for giving me a safe landing charm. As I looked down towards my body, I was now wearing a completely pink and girly outfit, wow this is... Almost disgusting from how pink this is. I heard a twig snap, looking up I saw no one. I looked around, still nobody... But I feel as though there is someone around, somewhere, just anywhere. Maybe they can help me get out of this stupid forest!

"Hey!! I heard you!" I yelled out looking around me, still no response. Fine, if they wanna play hard to get then we'll play that game. "I said hey! I know you can hear me, come out of hiding!" I yelled out walking towards where I heard the twig snap, still nobody. What... Did they just come to look at me and then leave? How inconsiderate! Stupid people leaving strangers they don't know to die alone, I mean, what have they got to loose to not be able to help me, stupid world, stupid economy! I kicked a tree, making it shake but also hitting my foot way harder than I was supposed to."OW FU-" I was shortly cut off by finding a man standing opposite of me. Something about him felt strange and... Unnerving. He smiled before opening his mouth to say something that I didn't want him to say. "Sailor Sailor, you've really changed since last time I saw you, you got younger! That's good to see, also you dyed your hair black, how lovely. Anyways, I still want those Warrior crystals, for I need them to power my empire! Hahahaha-" He started to ramble and then laugh, but I cut him off. "Listen dude you have the wrong person, my name is Ushaung and I just got lost in the forest, i'm not this "Sailor Sailor" person you're talking about, in fact. This Sailor Sailor person probably doesn't exist you lunatic, you must be some teen who forgot to take their meds! Empire, Warrior crystals?? What are you on!" I yelled before storming off in the opposite direction of him, before bumping, or well slamming into somebody else. I fell backwards before looking up towards the bit- uh person who could've been in my way. I didn't know who she (or that delusional man) was, I just dusted myself up before trying to pass, ahem, emphasis on the try. She seemed to block my path and actually punched me, can you believe it? The A U D A C I T Y-

"Give us what we want Sailor Sailor and we''ll leave you be!" The girl who resembled the man said, casting out a gloved hand. It was icicle like; pointy, sharp and a nice light shade of blue. I stared at her as if she was insane, because well... She was!! "I told you! I don't have any 'Warrior crystals' you lunatics! I just want to go home!" I yelled at her before shoving her to the side rudely, I just want to go home and eat dinner, is that too much to ask now-a-days? I didn't get far before the man who wore completely iced out clothing (and not iced as in cool and fresh, ice as in literal ice looking clothes) blocked my way. Wait... How did he get in front, wasn't he just-? "Sailor Sailor~" The man cooed, ew. "It seems you've forgotten all about my powers, I guess that just makes it easier for me then!" He exclaimed before doing your typical evil villain laugh. Were these guys really actual villains? Or maybe he just walked in front when I was distracted by this... Mess of a woman. The man smiled, man I really need names for these guys.. Okay. The man will be named Dá mǔ and the woman will be named Bèn. Perfect names for lunatics like them.

But as of now, I was cornered by these kuángrén, and there seemed to be no way out. Oh no, i'm doomeeeeeed! Too bad I don't care if I die or not."LEAVE SAILOR SAILOR ALONE!" A woman's voice yelled as a figure came flying in, trying to slice Bèn but missing, slicing a big chunk of her hair off. "MY GORGEOUS HAIR!" Bèn yelled out before rushing off to fix that mess she now has on her head. Dá mǔ cursed under his breath before yelling out something, "I'LL BE BACK SAILOR SAILOR, I'LL ALWAYS BE BACK!" What a cliche thing to yell out, i'm not scared what so ever. He's just a man who's probably taken way too many drugs.The girl who had saved me sported a similar outfit to mine, only being coloured green; I would take that dress over mine any day, mine's so pink that Pinky Pie would be jealous of how pink I was, bleugh. She smiled at me before going to talk, but I got outie right away, i'm tired and hungry, I don't want to deal with another annoying person. I ended up finding my way back onto the path and getting home. My mother was still at work, my father as well so they couldn't see me wearing this horrid outfit. Oh how excited they'd be to see me in something girly, gross. I looked at the charm that had connected to the bow on my outfit, I pulled it off with great force, it came off easier then I expected, woohoo! I chucked the charm out of the window, no more worries anymore haha! I grabbed a plate of jiǎo zi and then went to sleep shortly after. I never want to deal with that ever again!

[letholojimin]

HOUR 4 (JJK)

STUCK SERIES - HOUR 4

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Themes: high school au, badboy & fuckboy jungkook Genre: Fluff Word Count: 1,688 Summary: After being labelled the school’s biggest bad boy, Jeon Jungkook chooses to live up to the title. What he doesn’t know is that his arrogance will lead him to you.

HOUR 3 | HOUR 5 | MASTERLIST

“Fuck, you're an angel.” He whispers, feeling an overwhelming sense of pride because he can see the mark he’s left on you.

“You’re my angel.”

You check your phone to read the time and see that the clock reads 9:57, telling you that you’ve been stuck in your campus with Jeon Jungkook for the past three hours. At first you were definitely sure that this would be an extremely hellish night because of your predicament but your stay with him in the library being bookish nerds proved you wrong. In fact, he even taught you that there is really more to a person than his looks. Jeon Jungkook was full of surprises, but this next hour taught you more about what you already knew about him.

He walks alongside you back to the open field of the school and you’re positive it’s become a bit chilly or windy outside so you don’t hesitate to agree with him when he suggested you leave. This time, he heads to the control box at the top of the left side of the field and switches on the spotlights, providing you a nice view of the synthetic grass. 

“Y/N...” He sing-songs into a mic, quickly surprising you. 

“Jungkook!” You yell, jumping up from the scare. “Get down here!”

With your words, the boy snickers but obeys anyway. When he tells you that he’s going to quickly get something from the building, you wave him off and sit down on the ground. Not long after, he stands in front of you and takes your hand in his, willing you to sit up. He smiles mischievously and you’re almost worried he’s done something wrong but when you look down at the ground and see a football, you sigh.

“I think staying in the library for too long took a toll on my back- mind playing football with me so that I can stretch?” He wiggles his eyebrows, trying to get you to play the game with him. “Kookie, you know I can’t play, right?” 

“That’s fine!” He insists but you turn to walk away from him. What you don’t miss, however, is how his cheeks began to become a light shade of pink when he heard your nickname for him. 

You shake your head in disagreement- “Look, you are one of our school’s pride and glory when it comes to football. What makes you think I’m not gonna make a fool out of myself in front of last season’s most valuable player?” 

He laughs and puts his right arm around your shoulder, holding the ball in his left palm. “I’ll teach you, then. How does that sound?” He proposes and you swore you felt your heart beat faster at his gesture. 

“You would do that?” You ask nervously, tugging at the edge of your shirt. Why would he, after all? He was just going to waste his energy on you anyway, seeing that you were never good with footwork which was why you always opted to sit on the bench when your physical education class had football as the topic.

“Why wouldn’t I?” He places his right hand on your shoulder and leans dangerously close to you- close enough to feel his breath right on your neck. “Who would refuse such a beautiful girl?”

He smiles, knowing fully well that he had a large impact on you as of that moment. Now he was just messing with you, that’s true but what you didn’t know was that you’ve messed with him just as much. He had always thought of you as beautiful since the day he first saw you but he also knew what his reputation was and how you were so out of his league. He knew you’d just end up rejecting him if he ever tried to put any effort into getting closer to you because you just weren’t the type to interact with people like him.

But tonight was different. Tonight, he had you all to himself in the vast campus of your school and he was planning to make the most of the experience and make sure that you won’t forget him. Not on monday when you see each other again, not in a year when he’s sure he’ll do his best to make you become closer. He knew that soon, he wouldn’t be trying to win football games, he’d be trying to win your heart.

When you finally got the hang of it, you and Jungkook were running along the wide expanse of the field, passing the ball to each other. At the pace you were running, you were pretty sure you were sprinting already. Your lungs were burning, your cheeks were red and you were positive all your muscles were going to be sore tomorrow but it was all worth it because you felt alive and you had him to thank for that. He was encouraging you to quickly hit the net with no goalee at full force and speed just so you’d see what it was like to have a goal during a game. He probably had high expectations since he was screaming at you to run faster and within the next five seconds, you kicked the ball and hit the net with all the strength your right leg could muster. He came up to you and started running beside you yelling “Goal!” extremely loudly.

You felt happy because even though he thought you were terrible at it, he didn’t show it and he seemed very pleased about you trying it in the first place when you were pretty sure you wouldn’t. 

You’re clumsy and like any other time, you embarrass yourself in front of another and this time it just happens to be him. You trip over a rough patch in the grass and send yourself tumbling down, your back hitting the fake grass flat. Jungkook, who’s been holding on to you is unable to control the force and momentum in which you fall and so he nearly hits the ground but he lands on his palms, having quick reactions due to his athletic capabilities. 

“Easy..” He says, licking his lips while chuckling lightly. Your eyes were closed from the impact and your hair was laid out flat behind you and you were breathing heavily from all the running you did before you tripped. He opens his eyes and see the view that is you and fuck- he’s speechless. He doesn’t want to get off you even though he probably should. He can hear all the blood rushing to his cheeks and a slight ringing in his ears but you look sublime, gorgeous, perfect even and he’s never felt this way before. 

Eventually, your eyes flutter open and you’re immediately met by his own from such a close proximity and your heart begins to beat faster because this is so near- and his lips, his fucking lips- you aren’t sure if you can stop this.

Jungkook is scared- he’s scared that he’s about to make a terrible mistake that you’ll regret but it’s so easy to fall into you and let his lips touch yours so that’s exactly what he decides he’s going to do. 

He leans closer, his hands supporting himself and grazes his lips against yours and he knows that there’s not turning back anymore. You tilt your head to grant him more access and with that, his lips are on yours. 

Jungkook didn’t know what kissing was really like, after all. At first, they’re just there because he doesn’t know how you’ll react- if you’ll push him off or let it happen and god, he was hoping it was the latter. You were just as caught up in the moment as he was though and you place your left hand on his cheek, telling him it’s alright.

With that, he moves his lips against yours and you swear your heart is beating ever faster than before and your mind blanks as all you can focus on is the feeling of his soft lips on yours and it’s driving you insane. He takes it slow, his tongue absent but sparks present. He feels like he’s on fire and he’s so sure he’s never going to have enough of you. 

You move your lips along with his and the two of you are reciprocating- all the pent up tension from the past hours finally being released. When you finally feel like you’re running out of air, he slowly detaches his lips from yours and his breath comes out in heavy pants. He never takes his eyes off you and your rosy cheeks and you can’t take your eyes off him and his swollen mouth. 

So many things are running through your mind- was it a mistake? What was going to happen? How the hell are you going to survive the night now that you probably made everything awkward? 

“I...” You begin, his full attention on you. He shakes his head and quickly cuts you. “Y/N, I am so so sorry, fuck, you probably hate me now! Please don’t kill me, I’m so so sorry I did that- I couldn’t stop myself not when you-” 

His breath hitches in his throat when you place your hand at the nape of his neck, twisting your fingers through his hair. When he sees you giggling lightly, it’s almost like the entire world stopped and you pull him back in for another kiss but this time, you’re both more relaxed and you can’t help but pull him in closer. 

You don’t know how he does it he manages to snake one of his hands around your waist before he moves down to where your neck and jaw connect, lightly sucking on the skin. You don’t expect it because you’ve never actually been kissed before- more so felt this good but a light whine escapes your mouth. You’re too caught up with the feeling of his teeth grazing your skin and you know he’s going to leave a bruise. “Jungkook...” you sigh and he finishes after, leaving you feeling like you’re on cloud nine.

“Fuck, you're an angel.” He whispers, feeling an overwhelming sense of pride because he can see the mark he’s left on you. “You’re my angel.”

This chapter was going to be a super chill chapter I swear then I was like “screw it” and behold, Hour 4. Also that gif, goddamn! I was so inspired because of that gif. Also this was the longest installment of this entire series so far so I hope u guys enjoyed it. Please tell me what you think- like, comment, reblog, send me stuff, anything! My exam week is finished so I’m really pumped woohoo!!!

[was-gryff-whitehills-apologist]

Woohoo, so I made it through the prologue - now there’s just the rest of the thing for us to suffer through. Shoutout to those, who gave me feedback - you are amazing & I won’t tire of repeating that <3

This part, well, it has some weird elements & things I wasn’t confident about, so I’m hoping the choices I decided to stick with will work. It picks up the loose ends part one left - but if it’s still confusing chronologically, I’ll be happy to clarify it (as well as anything else, really).

"So, you’re saying – you not only have a mother now, but an aunt too?”

“Winnie would be my second aunt though, after Gwyn.” Roslin corrected him. “You’d think it’d be nice to have an aunt only a couple years older – but Winnie is actually more like Gwyn… As in being so serious all the time.” She chuckled. “Or more like sulky, I would say. We still get along fine though, I think – she used to, well, not like me very much, at first, but it’s in the past. She and papa are a different story though…”

A kid, who didn’t get along well with Torrhen, and had the guts to be open about it? Gryff only heard about the mysterious Winnie Bole minutes ago, and she was already growing on him – also, because of how Roslin got herself a new friend in her. By the gods, his niece deserved more friends than she got due to leading this secluded life, but it didn’t seem to bother her much, at least, which Gryff was grateful for.

“I take it, Winnie isn’t here now?”

“She came to stay with us for some time once, but she’s back at her own home now. I write to her often – I got better at it than I was when you left, by the way!” His niece proudly announced. “Mariya used to teach me before that too – but it was just so boring, having to sit there, and listen to her, and write the same things all over, until letters started dancing before my eyes.” 

Ros made an exaggeratedly disgusted face, causing Gryff to laugh. “Writing to Winnie and Kyra is a lot more fun. I could probably write to you too while you’re away, now that I know where you’ll be!” Her face lit up with excitement at the idea. “Do you think we have a raven, that can fly to that – black Castle you’ll be in?..”

“Aye, girl, we do.” A grunt came from behind Gryff’s back, second before he felt another twinge of pain, when the needle in Wyllard’s hand pierced his skin. The maester had been stitching his stab wound while they chatted, and talking to Roslin made Gryff forget about whatever pain he felt – until the healer’s voice reminded him of it. Not that he was complaining – he’s already endured worse shit that day, & was frankly growing accustomed to it.

The previous half an hour or so was something Gryff would very much like to forget. The pain from having his sore flesh cut open, the feeling of blood & puss being pushed out of it & streaming down his face in a disgustingly smelly & warm steam, the burning in the wound as it was flushed, cleaned out & stitched back together… He had no wish to even go back and reflect on that, simply grateful for the procedure being over, a clean bandage now wrapped tightly around his head & missing eye. Roslin’s hand in his was the only thing, that, throughout the ordeal, prevented him from screaming, or killing Wyllard, or passing out – even though he didn’t once allow himself to clench it tightly enough to cause her pain.

“T-there ya go.” Maester concluded in an unsteady voice, stepping back from him. “Woulda been over sooner, if only you didn’t squirm so bloody much.” In Gryff’s defense, Wyllard, by this point, had grown impatient as well, carelessly applying a few stitches just to get it over with faster. Long concentration was taking a toll on the hangover man, his eyes turning glassy, hands starting to shake & voice becoming more muffled. As swiftly as he could, he shuffled back to his workplace, carelessly tossing dirty tools in the drawer, his expression stating clearly, that the treatment was complete.

Ros turned her head to the window, only to notice, surprised, how dark it has gotten while they were in maester’s cabinet – and yawned widely, unexpected even to herself.

“Been a lllong day, has it not, m’lady?” Wyllard jumped at any chance to get the pair of his talkative patients to leave. “Must be the time for you to go to bed – yer uncle will get you to your chambers, won’t he?..” His eyes narrowed, shooting a glare at Gryff. “Just get yourself a clean shirt first.” he motioned towards one, hanging from a chair, presumably for cases like this. “Don’t even touch your own rags, unless you want the bandages to get dirty…”

It was damn great to finally pull a clean piece of clothing on. Gryff was feeling weirdly uplifted as whole – despite the pain, despite being so tired even standing up was a struggle, despite the fact, that he could get dragged out & forced on the road at any minute now. Being around Roslin did this to him – the happiness her presence caused created a funny, lightheaded feeling in his head. It was almost like he had been pulled away from all the crap that day had brought & was in some other reality. He had no energy to do so, but felt like smiling & laughing for no fucking reason.

“Hey, Wyllard.” His words made the maester tense up. “Thanks for stitchin’ me back together- and, y’know” Gryff’s speech was a little slurred at this point. “For everything else. Just to return the favor” The Whitehill’s smirk grew wider. “Remember that old ugly vase by the entrance to Upper Halls? Last time I checked, which was a couple hours ago, the bottle of hippocras I left there all the way back before war is still untouched inside. It’s no use to me anymore – how about you have it? Out of all men in this place, I’d rather you be the one to drink it to my health.”

The glassy gaze instantly turned sharp, focused. Wyllard briefly contemplated whether Gryff was telling him the truth or not, but the possibility of getting a drink was too appealing to pass – and, muttering some hasty ‘thanks yous’, the man stormed out of the room, with a speed neither of them have been expecting.

“What’s that hip-pro-car…” Ros struggled to repeat the unfamiliar word. “Is it like wine? I know he likes it. He becomes much friendlier after drinking it, and sillier too. Pa seems annoyed, but I prefer him more that way. He acts funny and never complains, like usual.”

“Let’s just say, I’ve made him a very happy man for tonight.” And Torrhen – a very annoyed man, Gryff added mentally. “He was right, little star – it’s getting late, and you’re barely keeping your eyes open.” He could tell Ros was suppressing more yawns. “So, how about…”

“How about I get you to your chambers, instead of other way around?” Roslin blurted out with a laugh before he could finish. “I think, papa will want me to sleep with him and mama tonight, so it’s best if you don’t go there with me. I’m going to walk with you though!” She stated in a cheerful tone, that left no room for ‘ifs’ or ‘buts’, and before Gryff could react, jumped off the low table & got hold of his hand.

He considered stopping her, before just saying ‘fuck it’ to everything in his head, and letting his niece lead the way, while he followed. The moment felt too damn good to let Torrhen’s shadow over him ruin it – and so what if he’d bash his brains in, were he to discover him & Roslin together?.. Bastard would at least have the decency to not do it in front of his daughter, hopefully, and that was all Gryff even cared about. Some things were simply worth dying for.

Though he forgot to, Roslin had grabbed his scarf from the table, and now was entertaining herself with the thing, tucking at loose blue threads & wrapping it around her own neck in different manners. As they passed through the portrait hall though, something had attracted her attention – the blue eyes stopped at the now empty spot, where his damaged portrait used to be.

“Um…” She appeared puzzled, whatever she was about to tell Gryff has slipped out of her mind. “Yours was here too just this morning, but it has been… Well…” She lifted her eyes to the man, a surprisingly understanding expression in them. “You must’ve already seen what happened to it, right?”

“I did.” Gryff felt a twinge of a weird, guilty feeling, looking Roslin in the eyes. “I… let’s just say, I took care of it.”

“I get it.” She let out a small sigh, rubbing the loose end of his scarf against her cheek. Her expression has changed – not exactly sad, but pensive, in a way, like she was lost in thought. “It… must not’ve been nice, to look at it like that. It’s just- I still liked it, even though it was spoiled. I would look at it when I missed you, sometimes – just so I wouldn’t forget how you look while you’ve been away.” She admitted in a calm, but quiet voice.

Hurriedly, Gryff knelt by her side, searching his niece’s face for any signs of disappointment or anger – only to find none. He could not help the urge to embrace her once more, and thank the gods, she did not mind, and snuggled close to him, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

“I’m sorry, little star…” He murmured in a trembling voice, hectically running his hands through the strands of her hair. “I didn’t know you liked it, I- I wouldn’t have-”

“It is fine, uncle.” Her voice was so unbelievably warm & reassuring – no one had spoken to him like that in years, from what it felt like. “I told you, I get it. It’s better to have you here, than a portrait…” A small sigh fell from her lips. “Make sure to be back as soon as you can. Maybe, I can ask father to send for you earlier than he did this time… But try to get home soon yourself too. Promise?”

Once again, he did not have the courage to answer truthfully. 

Thankfully, she made no attempt to break the hug, so Gryff picked Roslin up in his arms instead & carried her for the rest of their way to his room. When he lowered the girl on his bed, the slight sadness was long gone from her expression. With a content sigh, she fell on her back, legs hanging from the bed's edge, as she continued to play with the loose end of his scarf. 

"He was right about one thing — it's been a long day..." She hummed softly, before yawning once more. "Can I stay here a little longer, uncle? I know you must be tired too..."

"Of course you can." Gryff dropped himself on the bed next to her, pondering over how correct his niece was. He wasn't merely tired anymore — he felt utterly, completely exhausted, so much that his ears rung, everything sounded muffled & his movements grew hard to control. This was the kind of exhaustion, that made him doubt he'd be able to even fall asleep, if given the chance — his brain balancing on the edge of a complete sensory overload. Perhaps he'd wait until she would get back to her parents, and then get down to the courtyard, to look for whoever would be convoying him to the Wall. 

"You shouldn't have put me on bed — I don't wanna get up now..." Ros laughed, moving to curl up on her side, one arm under her head, wincing when she accidentally touched the fresh scar. "Tell me something so I don't fall asleep, will you? About that castle you're going to... Or where you've been..." 

Gryff wouldn't have minded if she did fall asleep here — there was something weirdly right about the idea her sleeping in his chambers. This place would then feel warmer, more alive for a little longer after he'd leave, before inevitably getting locked up and abandoned by all — like it was haunted by the memory of him. Torrhen would want all his memory gone from Highpoint for good. Not even another forgotten part of Whitehill history — just something, that never even existed in the first place. 

Ros... Maybe she would remember, for some time, until her father, through gentle persuasion & keeping silent on the subject, would eventually make her forget. But Gryff did not need to think about it yet. It was still good for now, for another small, tiny while. She still smiled at him the same way as before, still called him 'uncle' in that special kind of way. The only thing he cared about was enjoying those bits of affection while they lasted — he would not have that anymore soon. 

“Well… I don’t know much about that castle myself, actually.” He stifled a yawn of his own. “It is further North, so it must be… well… colder there.” Keeping his speech coherent was becoming a struggle. “It is one of the castles by the Wall… has your sept told you about it? It separates the realm from what is… well… on the other side…” This time Gryff couldn’t keep from yawning into the back of his hand.

“Other… side?” Ros mumbled sleepily from behind him. “But… What is there? On the other side, I mean… I’ve been told something, but I must’ve forgotten…”

“Um, well…” Gryff’s own knowledge of lands beyond the Wall was vague at best, not going further than the bare minimum. “Forests, an’ plains, and mountains – where the wildings live. Beyond that – the Land of Always Winter… so it’s called. No one’s really been there, so it’s hard to say what it is… Just miles and miles of land, that is too cold for man to be there.

I wouldn’t know, Ros.” He had to admit. “Who knows – maybe I will go there and find out one day. If so, then I’ll be sure to write you about how it is there… So you’ll be the first person ever to learn.”

There was no response, so Gryff had to look back – and of course, he should’ve been expecting that. Roslin has drifted off to sleep, and now smiled peacefully, end of his scarf clutched in her fist – a sight, that made him smile, even though there was no real reason to. How convenient. There was no better way for them to part – no tearful goodbyes, no risk of being spotted. He’d just leave quietly, and no one would even get to know they met. This was his best option.

Gryff watched his sleeping niece for a second more, before realizing, that he couldn’t.

Lifting the side of the covers, he gently pulled it over her body, making the girl move in her sleep a little before becoming still again. Apparently, that was exactly how much strength he had left, and not a drop more – the moment he moved to the opposite side of bed to her, lying down above the covers, Gryff knew that was it. He would not be able to move a limb if his life depended – so he just watched, as if trying to etch a picture of the sleeping girl in his mind. 

Slightly disheveled golden hair. Relaxed expression. A hand, neatly tucked under her cheek. Every last bit of that picture reflecting nothing, but peace. It was like she lit up & warmed the place, brought back the times, when it was actually good to be in, for one last time. Something about her had this power, something that Gryff himself had trouble finding a name for.

Was this how it felt for Torrhen?.. Having her sleep by his side, knowing that she was close, safe, protected & happy?.. That no nightmare had the power to break that spell, and that when you’d wake, she would still be there?..

A minute more, Gryff decided, sealing the bargain with his exhausted brain. And then I will go, making a firm decision made him feel better at once. His only eye then closed, and seconds later he was already asleep too.

He chose to ignore Astor's invitation to the Great Hall — they've already been given a meal that day, after the sword training, & Gryff had forced several mouthfuls of food down his throat, barely even feeling the taste. It's been hours since then, but he had no appetite still, & just wished to crawl in some hole where no one would talk to or touch him. Dark-blue twilight fell, castle's courtyard was lit by a few small, ginger lights of torches, covered in freshly-fallen snow & blissfully quiet. Rare watchers scattered across it were either finishing their tasks or heading inside to rest. After how hectic it felt throughout the day, this was almost a pleasant sight. 

On his way to Hardin's Tower, another familiar figure caught up to him — one of the other newcomers, Alen, as Gryff noted, displeased. He was carrying what looked like a metal chest, red flickers of coals visible through holes in it's side, almost like eyes of a small animal in the night. 

"There you are." The other recruit had his usual annoying smirk on. "Mind if I join?" Noting how angrily Gryff glared at him, the man quickly explained. "Just for a minute. That Errold guy won't get off my back — I'm to get the bricks to everyone else's rooms. Every other newcomer's, I mean — I'd bloody die if I had to warm all the chambers of this place. I didn't know where you were staying, so I just thought I'd find you — hope that's not a bother."

"The fuck do you need bricks for?.." Their breath came out in thick white steam as they spoke — even having spent his life in the North, Gryff had never seen anything like that. The last winter he recalled, when he was still a boy, has been vicious — or so he used to think. It was dreadfully cold back then, but nothing he couldn't handle. Here, the very air clinked softly against the stone, & the touch of it on his skin was as real as touch of a blade. The ends of other watcher's hair have been turned white by hoarfrost, and Gryff wondered if his own looked the same way. 

"I too did not get it initially. Those are to warm up beds. Crazy, I know, but you simply won't be able to sleep otherwise. The fireplace doesn't do shit. I didn't know about it on my first night — and it took hours for my sheets to get warm enough for me to rest, not toss and turn. Damn," Alen sighed deeply, clearly regretting being unable to hide hands in his armpits. "This ain't the Reach for you, that's for certain." Even having never visited the place, Gryff was inclined to agree. 

Inside the tower, they went up the stairs, as Gryff was idly looking for a cell, where walls & door would be intact & no presence of other men could be sensed; such was found several staircases further. It had a bed, a fireplace & even a small table & chair beside it — all he required, and even more than that. Alen happily put his burden down & instantly got to starting a fire with the coals he brought & a pair of tongs. Gryff threw the letter he's been carrying this whole time on the table & stopped by the window, staring numbly in the darkness. 

"Already got correspondence, huh?" Alen inquired, only to be met with silence. "Sorry, I know, I shouldn't have asked. You want me to bring you candle so you can read?.."

"What business do you have bringing me anything?" Gryff wondered in an indifferent tone. "Or starting my fire and warming my sheets, for that matter. Have you sworn your vows while I wasn't looking, and been made a steward already?"

"Pretty much what I'm aiming for." The other admitted with ease. "I mean, doesn't it sound good to keep this place all cozy and warm, while the likes of you are freezing your asses somewhere by the Frostfangs, risking to get killed by wildlings at any moment? I want to show everyone what I can do better. Hopefully, our commanders will have enough sense not to make me a ranger, or something."

"So, you think the likes of me will be made one?" Gryff scowled. "Did you not see how it was in the training yard today?"

"Accidents happen. Perhaps today just wasn't your day. Besides," Alen spoke more carefully, like he was approaching a delicate subject. "Aren't you, well — a lord? I imagine, they would give that honor to a noble. Your family must've put a word in for you, and all..."

Gryff simply turned away, leaning further on the windowsill. It was ridiculous just how clueless everybody here was, about literally everything. Realizing he must've said the wrong thing, the other recruit got back on his feet, rubbing his hands together with an embarrassed expression. 

"Again... I need to learn how to keep my mouth shut. I'm sorry."

"You're fine." Gryff uttered through gritted teeth, wishing for nothing more than to be left alone as soon as possible. "You go now, I'll do the rest myself..." He wasn't actually going to — knowing almost for a fact, that he wouldn't be needing a bed that night. Thankfully, his comrade got the message & slipped out of the room behind his back, wishing him good night in passing. His steps receded for a short while, until they disappeared, and complete silence fell. Not even wind howled, & all Gryff could hear was cracking of fire & his own breathing. 

Slowly, deliberately, he strode from the window to the table & glanced at the letter again. Piece of white parchment, orange & black shadows from the fireplace dancing all over it. The broken line of the sigil imprinted on blue wax grinned at him like a human's crooked mouth. 

The last bit of Torrhen, that had found a way to follow him here. 

He did not dare touch it, instead stepping back to his bed & lowering himself on it. His every muscle felt limp, worn out, ready for rest, but mind was so very far from sleep. Gryff stared in front of himself, the image of his cell etching itself in his brain, settling there comfortably, at it's own pace. There was no rush — the same sight, from now on, would greet him again, and again, and again, until one day it wouldn't. 

Lord Whitehill — fire, the only living being here, could as well be cracking the words to him — welcome to your new home. 

***

He had not been getting much night sleep for the past few weeks. The problem came back right after the siege, but reached it's peak with Talia Forrester's escape. Gryff had to stop with the large wine (and, occasionally, milk of the poppy) intake, that he'd resort to in order to pass out — he had to remain sharp. Since Grag was gone as well, not a single person he could trust remained at Ironrath. Even the sound of Harys's breath or steps behind the door where he stood, guarding, made him jump, alarmed. The Whitehill could spend hours watching the shadows in the dark corners of the room, wild-eyed. Nothing was safe anymore. Any of those men would not hesitate to slit his throat while he slept to earn a favor from Torrhen. 

His last night at Highpoint was such a stark contrast to that. From the moment he laid down by Roslin's side & closed his eye just for a jiff, and until dawn, Gryff slept like dead, with no dreams or nightmares. Waking up greeted him with all kinds if unfamiliar feelings — warmth, absence of heaviness in his head, & even the pain was manageable. The first thing he heard was Roslin's soft, sleepy breathing, that, he realized, has probably been keeping him lulled & soundly asleep all night long. 

He sat up on the bed by her side, slowly, deliberately, his body stiff from sleeping fully clothed. It was almost like night's rest had emptied his head, erasing all the emotional mess & grim thoughts of the day before — aside from the tiny, nagging sensation, that signaled it to him: something was wrong. 

His eye slid down to Roslin's face, admiring the sleepy smile she had, and not a second later the realization hit Gryff with full force. 

He's been expecting new flash of anger, new energy & strength to seek Torrhen out & do what had to be done; yet it didn't come. He felt weak still, not as sickeningly as before, but he would not be able to fight, or even speak, looking in the man's eyes. Instead of action, his brain was desperately searching for excuses. Perhaps one of his wounds had started bleeding overnight, so now he'd have to seek out Wyllard & buy himself a delay. Perhaps Torrhen had left, to attend some stupid lord's business, & he'd pull himself together by the time he'd arrive...

He had nothing. Head lowered in defeat, painful resignation settling inside. He knew he would never have the guts, the will, the courage, there was no point in lying to himself. He'd do what he's been told, crawl away, tail between his legs, like a damn dog he was, like so many times before. 

Gryff looked at Roslin again & could not force himself to look away anymore. Nothing in the whole world could possibly compare to just sitting & looking at her this way. The girl turned a little, sighing sleepily, and it made his heart drop, afraid that she was waking up— false alarm. 

His scarf was crumpled under her head, side of her face buried in the fabric. There was no way to take it back without waking her, and Gryff already knew he wouldn't. He wanted her to keep it, for as long as she'd care to — perhaps it would make the memory of him last a little longer. That, and he would not be able to speak to her now, tell that he was about to go away.

The deep feeling of shame & guilt made it too hard to even breathe, leave alone talk. He would break down, and Gryff knew it — but he could never let Roslin see him in that state. He had no right to shift his burden onto her. Let her keep a good last memory of him, of someone who held & hugged her & spoke to her gently. The fourthborn knew from his own experience — even if memory of the person would fade, their name & face & meaning, the feelings of warmth & care would stick for a lot longer. 

The image before him became blurred in a second, and blinking did little to change that. Crying?.. It seemed almost impossible the day before, constantly edging on it, with a lump in his throat, but holding it in till his eye hurt from dryness. The tears, however, remained, and now spilled freely, so easily it was almost scary. Thank the gods he felt no urge to sob, expression unchanged — just the wetness. It didn't even matter anymore, with no one to see & be disgusted with him. 

Angrily & shakily he wiped the burning eye with his sleeve, but more water was to come. He needed to get going, Gryff's mind chimed monotonously, before she can wake, before he finds you, so get a hold of yourself, and move along. He stood up swiftly, breaths hoarse, hectically wiping more & more tears, that just fucking refused to stop. Despite his worst fears, Roslin remained soundly asleep, hearing none of that. The only mercy, that he would be getting. At the very same moment, it struck Gryff how much he has been fooling himself. He had not accepted. He was not ready. He was so not fucking ready to part with her forever, that it hurt physically. He couldn't, he couldn't, he just fucking couldn—

Quietly, he knelt by the bed & reached out to hesitantly touch her hair & stroke it gently. The girl didn't move. Looking into her calm expression, in his mind, Gryff ordered himself to stop being a selfish little bitch, to fucking shut the whiny thoughts, the urge to wallow in self-pity. For her, this was the best outcome. How much more would it hurt her, had Torrhen just killed him, or if he'd stick around for another few months, allow her to get used to his presence again, before he'd be disposed of?..

Children moved on easily, they grew out of things, they forgot. She was still at the age when she could move on with barely any struggle. She had her whole life ahead, and that would be a good life, possibly even more so without him in it. If that would mean Ros would be happy, that her world would not be disturbed, then he had to accept. She was the last person in the world left to care about him at least a bit. He had to sacrifice it for her — there wasn't anyone else left for Gryff to sacrifice things for. 

Carefully, trying with all his might not to sob out loud, he leaned forward, planting a light kiss on her forehead — before quickly retreating, almost like he had done something forbidden. Thankfully, he kept getting lucky, and the contact did not wake his niece. Walking towards the door, Gryff was unable to take his eye off the sleeping girl. This was the right thing to do. This was for her sake. 

Perhaps she'd wake up & believe, that him coming to visit was just a dream. The scarf would be a giveaway though — Gryff didn't know whether that was supposed to upset or relieve him. Would she ask Torrhen, or her new mother, when he'd return — or did she actually understand that would be to no use, and just didn't show it?.. Selfish, selfish thoughts — Gryff knew he was supposed to want her to forget, to not be bothered by his memory, but at the same time wished to be remembered for little longer so, so badly. 

He closed the door behind himself without making a sound. The hall in front of him was lit up by a ray of dawn light — that was it. His time was up. Before making his way down to the courtyard, automatically, unseeingly staring in front of himself, Gryff's hand found the small bundle he's been keeping in his pocket this entire time, and knowing, that it was still with him made his horrible mental state a tad better, suddenly. He'd be called a thief, if Gryff cared to ask anyone's opinion on the subject, but the fourthborn knew, that he was merely taking what was his by right. Delivering a last strike, small, insignificant, but still a strike. Spitting in Torrhen's face, even if he did it from behind the man's back. 

The bastard took more from him, than Gryff used to believe he even had. His home. His dignity. The last person he loved. He spat at their father's memory by arranging a cowardly, humiliating truce with his murderer, & he had no doubts, that Torrhen would continue to spit at Ludd’s memory all throughout his reign. The only thing Gryff managed to take away from him as a retaliation was his mother, and he quietly prided himself on that one. No matter what Torrhen did, she was out of his reach now — nothing he'd do would bring her back. Not so almighty in the end, are you, lord Whitehill? He might've put their little war to an end with his sentence, yet nonetheless

it was Gryff, who had delivered him a one last blow. 

Swiftly turning around, sword clutched in his hand, Gryff swung the metal bar door opened & stormed back in the Great Hall, with the full intent of plunging the blade through his brother & letting whatever would happen next happen. Looking around with wild eye, he realized Torrhen was not there anymore — curse his fucking brain, Gryff must've zoned out for longer, than he could afford. There were two ways the bastard had to choose from — the stairs to the balcony, or the main door, and after a brief moment, Gryff headed to the door, knocking a chair over in the process. 

In the Hall, lord Whitehill was still nowhere to be seen — gone, gone, gone, the opportunity had slipped between his fingers. Gryff was a step away from rushing in the direction he had likely taken, from searching & turning the entire Highpoint upside down, if that's what he'd need to find the fucker & die trying to finish him off. The urge, however, was not to last — the one-eyed man halted, when the tapestry caught his eye, making the hand with the sword lower in a defeated gesture. The sight never failed to cause him pain & suck the very will to live right out of him. 

He stood, staring at the people, who did not look back at him — when posing for the picture, they all had better place to put their eyes on, than a supposed onlooker. The only one looking more or less in front of himself was his father — a younger one, standing taller, than he did by the end of his life, but recognizable still. His image was the only one, that Gryff liked about the tapestry, at least remotely — a symbol of strength, authority, composure. When left alone, he'd sometimes try to replicate that expression & posture before the mirror, only to fail pathetically — he was nothing like Ludd, and could never even hope to compare. 

He sure was. Would his father ever allow himself to be exiled, submit to his sworn enemy? Never. He'd never crouch & hide, fearing for his life. Gryff had been hiding away long enough to miss his funeral — something never to forgive himself for. Torrhen had his own fair share of blame in that, of course, for making it clear he was not to attend — as if the pisstain somehow had more right to decide how their lord-father was to be put to rest. As if he wasn't the least valuable son the late lord had, not deserving an ounce of his legacy. Following Karl's death, Gryff was the only one of Ludd's sons the man even acknowledged or actually trusted. It was him who was supposed to be there, he was the one who owned this bloody memory, and not the—

Yes, he did. He did own it, more so than anyone else. 

Gryff raised his sword, and, after a second's hesitation, moved it forward, shuddering when it's tip tore the tapestry's surface. As a little brat, he once tried to burn the cursed thing, only managing to leave a small stain of soot before being stopped by Gwyn. Guess there was nobody to stop him now, so he moved the blade further, and the sound it made was the most satisfying thing he had heard in months. 

Crudely, carelessly, he cut through it, butchering the painting, only using his left hand to hold & protect the part, that he wished to keep unharmed — his father & Gwyn's tiny figure at his feet. The woman his sister became might've given up on him, but the girl would always have a place in his heart. When reaching the spot, where woman's frame touched his father's, he gritted teeth in anger. She dared to fence some part of the man from him, and he hated her for it more than ever. The first urge would be to carefully carve Ludd's frame, so that not a shred of her remained, but then, suddenly, he got another idea. 

Instead of cutting her off, he cut around her, so that when he was finished, the piece of canvas in his hands depicted all three people, making Gryff smirk grimly. Look where she was now. The image, so beloved by his brothers, their consolation, that they'd gawk at to no end — now his to claim, to tear away from them, like he tore away the actual person many years ago. The last reminder of her was now his to do with as he pleased, away from those, who valued the memory of a dead & buried woman over a living being. 

The only revenge he'd ever get. 

He wrapped the piece of ruined painting in a bundle with his shaky hands & observed the result of his work one last time, before swiftly edging back to the corridor he came from, behind the bars. Like back in his childhood, when he'd be stealing food from the kitchens to avoid attending meals, or sneaked out of Highpoint behind his brother's backs. A ticklish feeling of fear, mixed with weird excitement that disobeying them caused. The fury, that Torrhen would feel when he'd see what he had done, made him both terrified & overjoyed at the same time. Perhaps it'd happen before he'd get sent away, and then he wouldn't even get to live long enough to get to the Wall, but Gryff took pride in one thing — he had taken her away from Torrhen. 

Twice now. 

He became cold & realized he's been standing atop the Wall for too long, and his torch had gone out. It was supposed to last longer, but Gryff's been so lost in thought, he forgot to patrol the area assigned to him. It was time to go get some more fire, and then try actually walking, before he’d fall asleep standing. 

Making his way back in the dark was easy, just walking a straight line towards where coals flickered in the brazier in the distance. As Gryff approached the post where he left Carn, his steps grew slower & slower. For no particular reason, he felt uneasy, limbs filling with heaviness & ears — with soft noise. Not that he wanted to talk to anyone, but just walking past the other should not've been a problem. This was something else. 

Eventually he stopped, and so did the crunching of snow beneath his feet. Gryff put one hand on the solid, freezing surface of the Wall, hearing the blows of wind somewhere on the other side. A calm night; it was fairly quiet, with only occasional louder gusts. Wind's blowing was akin to soft howls of an animal — just as monotonously plaintive, interrupted by an occasional miserable whimper here & there – but that wasn’t it. Another whimpering sound, but of a different nature. Whines & sighs & sobs, that couldn’t be mistaken for the wind’s howling.

Only a human could be making those.

Gryff simply remained standing there, with his hand on the wall, listening. It wasn’t like he did not know the other watcher had issues – that was pretty damn obvious to any man with eyes, or even just one of those. That wretched expression, that never left Carn’s features, the fact, that he avoided people almost like he was afraid of them, barely forcing himself to speak when spoken to. Needless to say, Gryff gave little thought to that. If anything, he was glad to be in a company of someone, who dreaded communication as much as he did.

This, however… this was something entirely new, and he was not liking it one bit. Standing alone, in almost complete darkness, not a soul for many leagues of the Wall around, but a single watcher weeping his heart out steps away from him. Weeping… Gryff didn’t even know, that grown men could cry like this. Not a short, repressed sob, or a secretly wiped away tear, not even something like what he’s been through at the day of his departure. An unending, monotone pattern of whimpers & moans. He thought only children could be so absorbed by the act of crying. It didn’t grow louder or quieter, the tone never changed. Gryff had probably been standing there for a minute or so, but it felt like hours had passed, and he has been listening to the same crying all that time.

It awoke yearning in his own chest – a throbbing hole, that makes you want to howl to the high heavens, just so it gets heard. Gryff wanted him to fucking stop. It was cold, and dark, and felt like the two of them were completely alone in the entire world. This had to be the worst thing he had ever heard, the wrongest, the eeriest, the scariest. He didn’t even care how, he wanted it to be over. The image of shoving the man off the watching deck flashed before his mind eye, and nothing in Gryff’s soul protested to that. Make it stop. There had to be a way to make it stop.

He did nothing like that, didn’t even attempt to approach Carn – there was little he could do, beside create an awkward, embarrassing scene. Was it even possible to console another person, while envying their ability to cry so freely & deeply, Gryff wondered. Ever since the day he rode out of Highpoint’s gates on a cart, something seemed to have changed inside him. He still carried the pain with himself at all times, but it didn’t make itself known anymore. No wish to cry or complain, barely ever – to snap at people. He was hollow & detached & even though he walked among them, looked & worked & talked the same way as they did, there was something inside others, that, Gryff knew, he was missing himself.

He leaned with his back against the stony wall, closing his eye, quiet & unnoticed. The moment of fear had passed – now he listened to the wind howl & a crow cry his unknown woes to it in peace. Who knew what the fuck had happened to him? Gryff couldn’t guess, and still, this gave him some twisted sense of consolation. Not enjoying another’s misery, but rather sharing a part of it. The night wasn’t even close to being over, he was stuck with this, and out of all the paces at Castle Black, he would choose to be here, if given such choice. 

The future was looking darn bright to him, all the way from high atop the world.

[thoughtsandeverythingelse]

my 10 year series

in light of everyone doing their reflection of the past 10 years, i think joining the bandwagon would help me look back on the past decade - if anything to make me think of things that i can be (extra) grateful for, so here goes; 

2010; primary school happened. tbh i cant remember much, (lol i actl went on a fb hunt but its taking forever to scroll everything, so im just going to write everything by my own memory and whatever it deems important haha)  had my psle, felt disappointed bc i didnt do well enough for my math (got like a C instead of a B that i thought i worked hard for), thankfully there’s a secondary school that allows me to be in express. confessed to this boy i liked in case i regret, but hey at least i had the guts to tell him ok!  2011; start of secondary school, met different people from all kinds of backgrounds - the broken, the privileged, etc. also increase weight gain bc of puberty + lack of self control. started learning a new instrument (the saxophone). start of bullying all over again bc of the weight, but also liked this boy for treating me like a human - turns out i can like someone for a very long time. also crucial time for me of getting to know jw, probably was the first few contacts we had. 

2012; increased weight gain, increased bullying as well. i remember (for the drama), i ran out of class crying and went into the arms of a friend, just because the hurtful things i’ve heard the boys said. also streaming year, but not sure what i was doing half the time, but had to make important decisions (subject choices). weight gain was really bad here. trip to china with the school was great though! probably one of the highlights of school. 

2013; best year of my secondary school life; probably bc i dont remember studying much bc of my sinful ways lol, but also bc i had so much fun in school and barely scrapped through my results. couldnt stand the bullying so started the herbalife diet and lost the weight subsequently, but took a hell lot of time.  started running a lot! i think this is also the year i started serving in camy, but also dont remember what i was doing half the time ahahha. by the grace of God, i think i rly barely passed to even go into secondary 4 lol. also the year i fell into the radio world, and found my love for mass comm. got my piercings here in the midst of the recalcitrant self, hated my math teacher to the guts and didnt know how to treat people right in the midst of the ‘identity confusion lol’ got drunk for the first time with friends drinking at the beach, partying in our minor years hahahha.  2014; O levels year. didnt hang out much with the bad company, and i think this was when i studied the hardest. i actually started catching up and getting serious, (and did well for the first time in my education woohoo!) but in the midst of the pride, my results dropped for O levels but all’s good. applied for dpa but failed, but went applied for JPSAE and really by the grace of God, i got into mass comm (after my results). ran my first few marathons here too! my secondary school friends settled down here - besides the insane brain study cramp, i think sec 4 was something i really appreciated, being able to study and kinda not hating myself, but learning how to trust God too.  2015; good 8 months of working part time! wow this is actually a pretty good year. had blue hair, (woohoo!) then got into the school of my dreams by the hand of God (this one rly wah.) first backpacking trip of my life (which made me love life so much more), struggled through the first year of school too. tbh this makes me think of my poly life - and all i can remember it to be would be just ‘BUSY’ and ‘CHINA’. lol how ironic??? considering this place was a dream for me, but i turned out to leave feeling to bleh about it. (but ok not true, i think it was an experience i am willing to take, looking back). understood the pain of the evil media/coporate world haha. the lack of sleep was real, but i actl started the year quite skinny leh!!! then the subsequent weight gain was very real hahahaha. joined ambassadors, started ‘dating’, the idea of having the social life was very real too 2016; BUSY BUSY BUSY. not sure what i was doing with my life tbh, but ok it was more media stuff, perhaps my brain does not want to revisit the joy bc it is attached with the pain and bitter side of things, but i know i have to let these go too. ‘broke up’! learnt about love and confrontation. WOW OK this is also the year i had my really really short hair!!!! wow i have no idea where i got the guts to do it, but i did it anyway HAHAHA. also the year ah ma passed away, then i ran my own comm (and saw people grow so well :’) ), kinda reaffirmed me of why im doing what im doing, and being able to groom people was such a privilege. also the year i hated running RC bc camp finale, but also the year i discovered my r/s with k and the love i had for him.  2017; the birth of beyond. i cant believe it feels so foreign to me now, but man it wasnt just the boy from beyond, but the joy from the relationships i had because of it. OIC HK was an experience, then it was also Y3 and i cant believe it was a painful year bc of school (like the heck its alr 3 years still want to torture me leh!!!!). my first refugee trip whcih broke my heart, found myself crying over the issues of the world then realising i might not even have an answer for everything. falling in love with beyond, then realising our overseas internship was happening - one of the best things that happened to me for someone that’s 19 (young and free lol) also the loudest thought from jesus came in as i was entering the shower; “how can you love someone else, when you have yet to love me?” 2018; interned, met Jesus then decided to take a gap year. best of ministry bc of the partnership i had, but also the growth for the love for people. ran the next trip for the refugee kids, (even brought our graduation gowns lol) learnt how to cut hair!!! had the mass realisation that the world is VERY big. too big for my little brain to comprehend.  started working with geylang adventures, then as the year transited into 2019, i got the job offer for st andrews autism school.  2019; realisation about the relationship i have with k - literally non-exsistant anymore. this one broke my heart quite a bit. (still trying to cope with it i guess.) went back to china on my own to surprise visit my friends woohoo.  worked for st andrews + geylang adventures/backalleybarbers. tbh now that i look back into my gap year, im not sure what i was doing, but at the same time - it was something that i think my soul needed. not to rush just because the world is, but understanding so much of who God is, decerning the peace and learning so much about life. after many tears, many questions, i got into university. not my first choice, (not even in my life of choices tbh) but....; 

2020; 

it is day 4 of 2020, and i love what im studying. i love the friends that i’ve met in school bc they are easy to love, i love the nature of what im studying bc of the sheer contact of humanity it has. truth be told, none of us are going to become social workers. not at least those in my social circle. but at the same time, we are here studying in our best abilities, understanding who God is, through each other, through the course of study, through the people we meet. i love what im studying, but i got my first F in school, but yet i didn’t even panic (not like in mass comm leh!!!) and i could literally laugh it off. that’s how much i love what im doing. 

and for that, as i’m writing this, i feel the need to scream at the top of the mountains that i’m thankful. the heart of gratitude is so real, the hand of God in my life is so real - you can argue that it is by sheer coincidence. i dont disagree, perhaps. but the peace - this immense peace, this joy, the intensity of this joy, cannot be explained, nor contained. i feel this need to shout across to the people i love and say HELLO THIS IS THE GOD I LOVE!!!! LISTEN TO ME!!!!!! HOW AM I SO SPECIAL!!!!!  so thank you Jesus, for loving me. for the past 10 years. and for the many years to come. with a heart of gratitude, thank you for everything. perhaps this is not enough as a thank you message. perhaps only my life in return can translate my act of gratitude. until then, JESUS YOU ARE SO COOL and i think im starting to fall in love with you again. help me fall in love with you because you are you, and not because the things you have done for me. not because of how everything ‘seems so smooth’, but bc of who you are, your goodness, your grace, your mercy, your character, your nature, every bit of who you are!!!!