#fika and a fuck?

[lyralu91]

In bed, on the streets - bring it. You're my cup o' tea, mate ❤️ Come to Sweden and have some fika, yeah?

Google "fika, Sweden" btw - it's nothing dirty. Unless you want it to be. Which I do.

It's coffee talk wif Tom.

[futchgunk]

i smoke weed and i drink tea. im a girl.

[dontbesoevil]

One day, I wish people in all of my different groupwatches would decide that we keep the same time following European times when we switch to winter/summer time. Let’s have the Americans have to do it at a different time for two weeks for once rather than always us Europeans having to adapt our plans for two weeks...

[stolligaseptember]

i've never felt so much like a victorian child as when i picked up a cookie from work and put it in my jack pocket on my way home

[collapsedglasshouses]

FIC RECOMMENDATIONS

To support my fellow fanfic creators, I wanted to make a list of works I absolutely love. You are all so good at what you are doing, thank you for your services!

Keep in mind some links might not work anymore due to fanfic removal or blogs not existing anymore but I wanted to keep them in the list anyway to keep the memories!

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

BAD OMENS:

SWEEP ME OF MY FEET by @badnoahmens

A HUNDRED SILENT WAYS & THE DEVIL'S PRAYER BOOK by @signs-of-ill-portent

YOUR HAND IN MINE by @starsomens

SAFETY NET by @measuredingold

I NEED A FUCKING MIRACLE by @t0ken0mens

LITTLE ONE by @cowpokeomens

PULLED FROM THE GREY by @crimson-calligraphyx

CLUTCH by @kingdomof-omens

LIMONCELLO by @sinkingteethinwhitenoise

SCAR by @ladyveronikawrites

JUST PRETEND by @thefallennightmare & @thescarlettvvitch

SCREAM by @foliosriot

SWEETENED BREATH, TONGUE SO MEAN by @rottingfern

CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE by @deathblacksmoke

FIKA by @thefallennightmare

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

MOTIONLESS IN WHITE:

SPACE BETWEEN US by @tearfallpixie

SURPRISE by @kingdxmxfcxrds

SHADOWS OF RED by @nerdraging4point0

EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORNS by @cookiesupplier

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

PLEASE DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND READ THESE AND ALL THE OTHER WORKS THOSE PEOPLE PUT OUT THERE. I PROMISE, YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED!

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

LAST UPDATED FEB 2024

[couldawouldashoulda50]

How William react to Loren getting attention from guys in Sweden? I mean he got lots of love and attention during the summer so she needs some love too and get his ass in gear and make it official lol make him work

Nonnie - I like way you think.

Please don't get me wrong - I love William but I love the idea of someone turning the tables on him a little bit. Not maliciously - Loren is not an attention seeker…but William starts to notice that, whether she wants it or not, she’s an attention getter wherever she goes. I have mentioned before about reading about Taurus traits - they apparently can be a bit possessive and that's sort of how I picture William to be after he's spent more time with Loren.

This is what I imagined:

It was 3:22 AM and William was in a snit. In a mood. Pissy.

Beside him, Loren slept soundly and peacefully. She deserved it—she was completely fucked out. Loren often matched, or even exceeded William's sex drive, but tonight, his appetite for Loren was insatiable. After her last orgasm—where she spasmed so hard on top of him that she flopped over and clung to the mattress like it was her only saving grace—blissful exhaustion swooped in. She had almost passed out in that very spot but she willed herself to go to the bathroom first. The minute she returned, she kissed William appreciatively and fell asleep straight away.

William was tired but sleep wasn't finding him easily. A slew of thoughts began to weigh on his mind. Despite what most people assumed about William's cool and unbothered persona, sometimes things got to him, much like in moments like this.

The time Loren had spent in Stockholm was nothing short of perfect. Her presence was like a breath of fresh air—whether it was a family get-together, or a post-nap fika with friends, or even just the two of them out for a walk or lazing in bed—she just radiated goodness wherever she went. However, the one thing William noticed early on was that Loren stuck out in Sweden like a sore thumb. Her eyes were the colour of dark chocolate and her dark olive skin was that of a Mediterranean goddess. William saw it every single time they walked into a packed bar or club. He may be the reason they were escorted past the line-ups, but all eyes seemed to bypass William and fell upon Loren once they entered.

On one hand, the pride he felt knowing she was there with him… it wasn't just about her beauty. It was the way she carried herself. Her friendliness and kindness towards others. She could be reserved or be exuberant. Display her biting wit or be totally serious. How she could mouthed the words to Eminem and then gush about her love of Tchaikovsky in the same breath.

On the other hand, men, and in many cases women too, fixated on Loren. Women would approach her asking about her hair—her long, wavy mane that naturally gave off a sexy, freshly-fucked look.

But the men eye-fucked her over and over. Loren was slender with curves—seemingly a lethally magnetic combination that they could not avoid. William could mostly handle the gawking and the muttering under their breath about her tits and ass.

But it was when they approached her that he really got his back up.

It's not that he didn't trust her—he did implicitly and without any reservation. It revolved around his own hesitation about making things more official between them. He was still trying to navigate his meteoric stardom and worried about all the temptations that went along with it. So perhaps it was more that he didn't trust himself.

He didn't know what he was waiting for. Until he figured it out, she was very much fair game for other interested parties.

Which led to him sitting in bed in that moment, avoiding the hundreds of DMs and text messages that he received from the myriad friends, past hook-ups, and ones that hoped to be a future option.

Instead, he scrolled through the comments from one of Loren's segments that was edited for Instagram and TikTok. Her videos were picking up traction. Some of the comments were from her target audience, expressing appreciation for her love of languages and her easy-to-follow methods of learning conversational French.

But more and more, there were heart-on-fire emojis, fire emojis, and so on. There were offers to whisk her away for some "private lessons," some guy flaunting his yacht and asking "would she be his personal translator in Monaco," a smattering of marriage proposals, and a good number comments about her looks.

The thoughts of her being with someone else freaked him the fuck out.

William rubbed his eyes and set his phone down. He looked at Loren—she was stretched out on her back with one arm bent above her head. The sheet that covered her had slipped off, exposing her upper half to the cool air in the room.

William, who always ran a little hot, slid his hand along her midriff and then over her breasts. When she stirred from the warmth of his hands, he crawled on top of her, brushing his lips across her skin. Loren smiled and let out a soft moan as she wrapped her arms and eventually her legs around William's body.

She murmured responses to some of his lingering questions. Mainly "Do you actually know—or see—how men look at you?"

Her response was simple. "I don't care if men look at me like I'm this or that. I only care if you look at me that way."

He smiled against her skin.

Fuck, she really is a keeper, he thought.

[sadfolkie]

the NärCon mods are fucked up

The NärCon discord is full of terrible mods. I can't believe they let a power hungry bully mod ban multiple people just for standing up to him LITERALLY lying, threatening people, and spreading misinformation. The mod called Svalan/Thomas at NärCon is such a massive douchbag it's unreal. I was silent the whole time and just left today after watching the shit show go down and finally realizing... these people are terrible. Genuinely bad toxic people, if I'm around them I might end up toxic like them. I don't want that. Another member posted they're leaving because they were scared of the mods oppression, and I agreed with them in my head and left too. I regret a tiny bit not leaving a message too, but we all know NärCon deletes any and all criticism they get in seconds so what's the point? They're not gonna care. He was joking about how he banned them instead of using time out or warning them. He clearly just wanted their messages calling out his disgusting behaviour out to be gone.

I believe EVERY person who called Svalan/thomas out has now been banned by him. Weird huh? NärCons mod Svalan/Thomas is manipulative and scary. No space is safe if he's in it. I truly fully believe that.

And the other NärCon mods and staff/"pandas"? One panda named Eskil admitted NärCon KNOWS pedophiles go there he even said they are "guranteed" to be at NärCon! He didn't see it as an issue or even a stupid ass statement to make?! Insane how little they care about kid's safety. And this guy works as a teacher?!?!?!? RED FLAG.

I don't know all the mods I dont think, but I know 2 more. The one called Sora can't tell sexual from non-sexual and thinks HIGHLY inappropriate sexual material should be shown to kids. Squeezing a woman's breast is serious sexual harassment, but Sora can't see why encouraging young kids to squeeze the foam tits of a drooling anime toy is fucked up? Like really really really fucked up… and Sora is the panda in charge of telling others what is and isn't allowed regarding sexual levels, so that's clearly a terrible job match. NärCon has no safeguarding for kids AT ALL.

But the saddest one for me is the mod afternoonfika aka Caro. I always admired afternoon fikas art, they were someone I looked up to as an aspiring artist. She silently watched other small artists get unfair threats, being treated like absolute shit just for standing up to Thomas/Svalan, and she said or did nothing. Just like the other mods. Didn't even correct Thomas/Svalan's lies about the rules or why he banned people. I thought maybe she was scared too and didn't want to get involved, but lo and behold, one of the banned users showed up in my other artist discord and just mentioned the abusive mod banning people, and like a hawk she told her to shut up. Caro attacked the victim and didn't even let them share their side of the story. That's so so so fucked up. I didn't think that about afternoonfika. Unfollowed them on all platforms, I can no longer support them after I know they side with bullying abusers. :(

[hannahbarberra162]

I have got know how would Marco react if Reader did not take the news as softly (?) , obediently (?) as they did, what would have happened if they had fought Marco in it, gotten bitey on the news and overall testy, rebellious (?) against him and call bluff on his threats. Would he have straight up put them into a comma pr how would he show them that, you know he is actually serious about his threats?

Hi Alexa-Fika!

Ooh you are keeping me fed! I'm loving writing these snippets.

Oh, he’s serious. He doesn’t want to put you into a coma, but he’d do anything for Pops. He'd probably start smaller...

“What are you going to do? It’s not like you can kill me,” you taunted, trying to twist your arm out of Marco’s grasp. You knew it was futile, Marco was taller and stronger than you would ever be. But you didn’t want to succumb to being a blood bag willingly. If he wanted your blood, he was going to have to fight you for it, every single time. Marco didn’t answer, just continued his walk towards the phlebotomy room, dragging you along. The other patients and staff in the infirmary room paused in their duties to watch the scene you were making. You tried dragging your heels, grabbing at doorframes, anything to stop Marco’s advance to the room you hated most. 

“Enough yoi.” Marco had grown tired of your outburst and threw you over his shoulder. You tried kicking, but he held your legs down, keeping you in place. Pounding on his back did nothing, you weren’t even sure he felt your fists. You weren’t going to touch the floor until Marco allowed it.  

Faster than you could believe, Marco had you in the phlebotomy chair and strapped down. You were in full restraints, both arms strapped to the armrests and legs bound as well. Your right arm had extra straps, keeping you from moving or rolling it. Even your head was strapped to the chair, the band across your neck preventing you from jerking back and forth. He’d gotten you completely immobilized and made it seem as easy as scruffing a kitten.

“It doesn’t have to be this way, this is your choice,” Marco said calmly, preparing the IV. You couldn’t move, but you could still talk.

“It’s always going to be this way, until I figure out a way off this ship,” you hissed at the Phoenix. Marco stilled completely, almost unnaturally. 

“Is that so?” Marco’s tone had shifted to something more sinister, something darker. You sensed you’d made a mistake but couldn’t back down now.

“Y-yeah! You can’t keep me here forever!” You hoped your voice wasn’t shaking too much, showing how nervous you’d become. Marco hummed in response, looming over you, needle in hand.

“Oh, but I can yoi. Who is going to free you? The Marines who won’t even approach the ship? The hundreds of subservient pirate crews? Or maybe you’re hoping another pirate crew will take you for a new piece of meat to fuck. Is that it? Is that what you’ve been missing?” You opened your mouth to retort but Marco shoved a rolled bandage inside instead, making you gag in surprise. He tied it inside your mouth with another strip of bandage, forcing your mouth to stay open but unable to vocalize words. “Much better yoi.” Marco finished preparing the IV, sticking you with the needle. You were sure he was going to leave you alone in that room now, unable to move or speak. Instead, Marco rolled his stool near you and sat down, a fiendish look crossing his features.

“You know, you never told me how you broke your ankle in the first place.” Marco placed his hand over your ankle and gripped it roughly. “I imagine it was painful, based on the way you were limping when we met.” Marco had started applying pressure to your ankle, increasing with every word he said. You could feel your bones creaking and you began to whine. “Did you know that broken bones do not heal back stronger? It’s easy to rebreak bones, especially along old fracture lines.” You were whining in earnest now, trying to move your foot away from the pain, to no avail. Marco only gripped your ankle harder, you heard a crack. You started crying as the pain rapidly escalated. “In fact, some people say rebreaking a bone is more painful than the initial break.” Marco punctuated his sentence by squeezing your ankle, hard. You felt your bones shift in his hand, white hot pain searing through your leg. You screamed through your gag as you felt your ankle break once more. You cried hard, not caring about the animalistic sounds you were making. Snot, drool, and tears were smeared all on your face but you couldn't wipe it. You were unable to move so much as an inch, you could only watch as Marco smiled at you coldly, letting go of your ankle.

“So, to answer your question, no, I’m not going to kill you yoi. But walking is a privilege. Talking is a privilege. Moving is a privilege. Privacy is a privilege. Unbroken bones are a privilege,” Marco said, gripping your thigh. You looked at him wildly, hoping he wasn’t planning on breaking your femur as well. “So let’s see if you’re more agreeable in a few hours yoi.” Marco stood up, patted you on the leg, and left the room, locking you in. Your ankle throbbed painfully, you wished you could cradle it or at least move to a more comfortable position. But you could only look as tears blurred your vision at your blood being extracted.

[willesgaywrath]

“So I don’t have to talk?” Wille would rather chew glass.

“No,” Boris says. “If you don’t want to talk, then you don’t have to, no.”

Wille exhales. “Okay, good.” Because which thing is he supposed to be here for? What is he allowed to say? ‘I was told not to cry at my brother’s funeral,’ or ‘my cousin violated my privacy’? Is he supposed to talk about what started the fight that got him transferred here, or the weed he kept in a fika cookie tin when he went to public school?

How deep does this go?

In all honesty, he hadn’t been doing so well before last year, either, but that’s fairly obvious to anyone with internet access. It predates his confirmation; it predates Simon. It predates being recorded without his consent and being made to feel, by the look on his mother’s face, that it was his fault. Another embarrassment, another “I’m sorry, mamma.” (Because he would, he’d eat the blame if it would make any difference.)

He’s been fighting the tide for a long time—it’s just that he used to have a big brother to go to for advice.

Wille wonders, staring at the ceiling until his eyes unfocus—like a fucking cliche—what Erik would think of him now. There were things, the nuances of their family, that no one in the world but Erik could relate to. But there was also plenty Erik didn’t get. Even growing up in the same house, they’d had very different childhoods. Erik was more charismatic, better behaved, smarter; he hadn’t known what it was like to be born second, to be born as a back-up plan. (To be the spare.) Erik’s birthday phone calls didn’t come a day late. That wasn’t Erik’s fault, and Wille would never blame him, but fuck, that doesn’t make it any less unfair.

Chapter 6 of Building Houses out of Matchsticks

[alexbkrieger13]

Of course Magda was more interested in food, than in posing for food. Why didn't we thought of it? 🙈🤦‍♀️

🤣 yea she saw food and was like fuck the red carpet fika mode activated

[c28hunter]

today’s milk situation: I went on a walk right before stormy weather decided to fuck with me. had to take cover for a few minutes and all I wanted was to eat at the closest café:(

the café was closed anyways but like, the ritual of fika was ruined

Swedish weather be like

What a shame to café was closed, the Swedich ones were the second best I've ever been to

[piquedpequod]

"94.1 'V' (v4)" - fanmix for V from Cyberpunk 2077

Revamp of a mix I originally made for my first V, for my current one. Some things are the same, some have changed. Radio station vibe.

As per usual, Spotify is missing a single track, in this case no. 15 (Praktika) (they are out to torment me personally smh)

Listen: (Youtube | Spotify) Some lyrics:

DOOM DADA - T.O.P. Even if my bones melt, I love it, let’s see the end to this madness Just as it is, let’s see another new world Point your gun to the complicated world, to the noisy sounds and bang, bang, bang Let out your heaving breath and doom da da divi da From A to Z, heaven protect and bless us

Ascension - Gorillaz ft. Vince Staples I'm just playing, baby, this the land of the free Where you can get a Glock and a gram for the cheap Where you can live your dreams long as you don't look like me Be a puppet on a string, hanging from a fucking tree

The sky's falling, baby Drop that ass 'fore it crash

the ground below - Run the Jewels You say that you don't love me I'm guessing I'mma be okay You say that you don't feel me now I feel like I'mma live somehow Your love never meant much to me

Dark Cadence - Julien-K Pull it all out, the illusion of tomorrow Oh holy light You take what you've been given

Искры - FIKA I don't give a fuck who calls you where They won't be able to smother it You catch fire when I'm near We strike sparks

NOIZE - Jaden ft. Tyler, the Creator I'm a nutcase baby, put a lock on that bitch You thinkin' I'm diggin' graves The way I'm puttin' rocks on my wrist?

Von dutch - Charli xcx I'm your number one Your number one, your number one

Discipline - Nine Inch Nails I see you left a mark Up and down my skin, skin, skin I don't know where I end And you begin

I need your help I need your discipline You know once I start, I just can't help myself

A Pain That I'm Used to (Jacques Lu Cont remix) - Depeche Mode Close your eyes, pay the price for your paradise Devils feed on the seeds that are sown

All this running around, well, it's getting me down Just give me a pain I'm used to I don't need all the dreams you conceive You just need to achieve something that rings true

Suave - Urias Tell me, "Do-do you wanna play?" You know what's going to happen Fucking slowly, you know what to do

GUCCI - Bree Runway & Maliibu Miitch Gucci like a girl they can call Got a lot of nice things I need to know Hella propositions on my phone, phone

Rover - KAI You can't figure me out You sniff around for gossip, I bite back Blah, blah Even if you come shake me up I just don't give a thing, you're still a fake Let's just stay in our own lanes

Amici - Massimo Pericolo Here, life sucks in the long run Let's go to Tigros to get something to drink So at least we can drink like shit And life can be more beautiful and even shorter

Holy Toast - Bewhy Yesterday we lost, but today we worship Now I'm stopped at the sight of a dream I stretch my shoulders towards the next Neck turned back to face forwards and upwards Raise your glass and Holy Toast to the Holy Ghost

PRAKTIKA - YOURA Yes, there is no impossible w-work Neither malice nor goodness Didn't sleep? Go to work!

INFERNO - KARD Man I go fast like nitro Think I might take flight tho Untie the reins and come quickly I'm a psycho on this trap

SAOKO - ROSALÍA When the horse enters Troy You trust it and then it burns

I'm very much me, I transform A butterfly, I transfrom

I know who I am no matter where I go, I never forget I'm in the driver's seat, God's my guide

ROCKET FUEL - Kasabian You're my rocket fuel, you're my rocket fuel

Do or Die - Magnolia Park & Ethan Ross I'm feeling my demons returning Fuck up again and I guess I'm not learning

It's do or die, we live to fight So don't let me drown, don't let me drown

Die Tonight Live Forever - Innerpartysystem If we should all die tonight, we will have no regrets

If this night should take my life We've got nothing left

Show Out - Kid Cudi, Skepta & Pop Smoke Look in the mirror, see who you are All of this evil that's in my way, I pray to God with open arms No, can't trip, get grip, hands all over these chips, watch this flip No, see I ain't no bitch but I'm bent

Heartless - The Weeknd Tryna find the one that can fix me I've been dodgin' death in the six-speed Amphetamine got my stummy feelin' sickly Yeah, I want it all now

Voodoo - Adam Lambert I try to leave but I have to stay 'Cause it's voodoo, voodoo, voodoo (under your spell)

Phantom (Pierre Blanche remix) - WayV The rules of the world are upside-down All the noises in my brain Night seizes every look and glance of mine

Like a phantom that be pulling my strings Hey yo, hey yo, manipulating the frequency

Plastic - New Order One of these days, one of these days Right when you want me, baby, I'll be gone 'Cause you're like plastic, you're artificial You don't mean nothing, baby, so superficial

Dangerous - ScHoolboy Q ft. Kid Cudi I'm feelin' dangerous I'm feelin' nauseous

Grip me by the hand 'til you teach me to float Head is in the cloud with my stomach below Somethin' 'bout this feeling, I felt it before Took this pill and it swallowed me whole Pinch me on my arm, is it heaven or fun? If I don't come back, had a hell of a run Taste you through my nose, smell the death on the tongue

Mission - Jaden ft. Trinidad James You're fucked up? Me, too They never know what I'm 'bout to do 'Bout to bring it down, 'bout to bring it down

I'm on a mission, mission Oh, please don't try my team 'Cause you may come up missin'

c!ao - thasup ft. Rondodasosa I stayed calm when you laughed at me I knew karma would take care of it for me

Простак - 10AGE I'm a simple guy, not a simpleton

Less Then - Nine Inch Nails So, what are you waiting for? You got what you asked for Did it fix what was wrong with you? Are you less than?

In My Head - Queens of the Stone Age You're the only thing I've got But I can't seem to get enough We collide for one embrace, so

I keep on playin' our favorite song I turn it up while you're gone It's all I've got when you're in my head And you're in my head, so I need it

Сводишь с ума - 10AGE She tells me, I'm too tough But there's a special demand for people like me right now

Take What You Want - Post Malone ft. Ozzy Osbourne & Travis Scott) Why don't you take what you want from me? Take what you need from me Take what you want and go

My Name - Reed Wonder & Aurora Olivas I know you won't forget my name I'm on your mind and it won't go away

Memories of me that won't subside I'll always remain inside your mind No matter where you are I'm always in your heart 'Til the end of time, I'll be there

Moonlight Popolare - Mahmood ft. Massimo Pericolo On the roofs the moonlight Shines like Shanghai You can see it, too Above this neighborhood My God, my God, my God The more you look at it, the more you feel like praying My God, my God, my God The moon from a public house

Me&Youphoria - Röyksopp Hold on darling And don't let go Just hang tight, baby And feel me

We're slowly moving closer We feel the night calling

(new ver.) started Jan. 2025, fin. Feb. 2025.

[fannynilsson]

Tog isaks bil och besiktade den pga körförbud tisdag morgon innan jobbet. Hade med släpvagn (som jag också på egen hand sett till att få laglig)

Av o på med den sedan se till att de bokade maskinerna till isaks fjällresa klämde sig igenom en genomgång på verkstan innan jag lastade och spände på släpvagn. Packade rem stift och olja.

Jobba heldag i kaos, hem, mata tvillingar, ha möte mellan 8-9, göra stallet, sen sova.

Nästa dag - koppla hästtransport lastad med hjuling som blivit lämnad på min gård för mig att ta in för service på morgon.

Lasta av checka in lasta på, jobba heldag, tanka upp bilen, hem, dumpa släp, vidare för att hämta barna för nu är isak i fjällen och jag är själv med hela farmen till på söndag. På söndag ska jag va i skellefte kl18. Hästarna ska ha ny bal. Sigge måste röra på sig. Måste passa tider med dedär jävla 15 timmars idiot helvetespåhittet mitta jävla helvetesdan när inte en jävel kör bil i andra ärenden. Osv.

Torsdag. Hinner inte ens vakna till liv så börjar det knacka på dörren. Tyra börjar vakna till liv men inte Max än. Innan jag fått upp alla klätt på oss borstat tänder knackar det en gång till, jobbar för mitt brinnande liv men personen hinner fara innan jag kommit ner med alla barn. Då blev vi utan elektriker till alla solpaneler. Vad bra! Dagen börjar i vanlig ordning med stress och där la vi ribban.

, frukost först, 2 bajsblöjer var 1 spya sedan klä i vagn för en tidigare nap så jag ska hinna göra alla djur i solljus. Motionerar 2 hästar svettig (?!!) på töm, fixar Monas häst och gör stall innan det skriker i monitorn igen. In, börja städa, luncha twinsen, insåg att blöjor och barnmat är slut så packar twins i bilen lite tidigare för att hinna handla innan jag ska hämta Lukas på föris. Lämnar twins i bil med monitor för att handla åt dem. Tyra skriker som grisens Voldemort. Stress. Springer runt på Ica får med mig kanske hälften och vetefan om jag ens betalade för skiten för det var svart i hjärnan. Kastade in stöldgodset i bilen o kör till föris för att hämta Lukas. Möts av ett redigt blåöga men what the hec var ju flera dagar sen något barn hade blåtira nu ju 😑 hem o ge Lukas fika, fortsätta städa, twinsen fick snacks, sedan ville de sova eftermiddag. La dem isäng, 2 bajsblöjor var till, klädde Lukas och vi gick ut för att köra skoter. Han får mindre psykbryt pga alldeles för trött, så får bära in honom istället o lägga isäng honom också. Han skriker så högt så twinsen vaknar. Tar upp båda, försöker städa igen och underhålla dem men efter en timme orkar de ej mer och jag får försöka söva om dem igen i sina sängar.

Nu är klockan alltså 5 så går direkt från twinsens sängar till lukas igen för dags att väcka honom igen. Riktigt pissigt humör fortfarande men får igång honom och han hjälper mig laga tacos. Precis när jag serverat honom mat klart börjar det skrika på övervåningen. Dags att hämta twins igen från nap 🙃 bara Max vaken, låter Tyra sova en stund till för är så tungt att bära 2st 9kgs bäbisar i trappen o ta sig igenom 2 grindar utan händer… hinner få i mig typ 5 tuggor så skriker Tyra.

Och ja. Osv. Dygnet runt. Helatiden. Jämt. Varje dag. Man springer jämt, räcker aldrig till och är ständigt efter. Alla gör illa sig för man har inte nog med lemmar att hålla ordning på alla samtidigt. Svarade på ETT samtal som varade 2 minuter från tandläkaren idag. Under den tiden hinner Max slå sig blodig.

Stressat så jävulskt att jag började stinka så mycket svett så gav upp och var tvungen att duscha idag också. Under tiden jag hinner i duschen knackar det på dörren och ropas i hallen. Medans börjar Tyra och Max äta på toarullen, kastar mig ut ur duschen för att ta igen rullen, då rinner det såklart vatten på golvet. När jag hinner in i duschen igen halkar Tyra på en vattenpöl och slår näsan full i blod.

Det är ett FUCKING MAYHEM SATAMS DYGNET JÄVLA RUNT SÅ UNDRA FAKING INTE VARFÖR JAG INTE SVARAR I TELEFONFUCKERN

[realitysurfing]

my next trip is becoming real like its only 2 months away and am i stressed the fuck out. yes. 4 or 5 months away from home totally alone as opposed to last time, 3 month away 2 months alone.. yes im stressed but i can't wait at the same time. Can't wait to be lonely and alone in beautiful places, can't wait to sit in parks and go to concerts and listen to so much music and ride trains and be in airports and have fika in sweden and see bladee on my birthday in london and go to ASIA!! for the first time ever. wowwwow. wow. it's okay because as much as i am stressed about leaving myfamily and then returning to the mundanity of daily life in 2025, it will always have been worth it. it'll never be something to regret and it will always be a beautiful memory... it will be the best time of my life, just like it was last time. anyways i love the world. yay!

[tryingtounderstandbrainheart]

Staaackars mig... :( ?

Det är konstigt dedär, hur allting är så beroende på vinkeln man tittar på det. Är jag arbetslös eller arbetsfri? Är det synd om mig eller lever jag kungligt? Allt är ju så relativt. Mot nån i Gambia lever jag nog lite lätt kungligt. Det är så äckligt hur saker och ting kan vridas.

Jag kom ihåg när vi precis nästan flyttat hit så kände jag hur jag nästan behövde mig att vänja mig vid andra sidan av muren. Plötsligt var jag omgiven av lyx och jag såg andra få slita i sin svett. Oj, dedär ser inte kul ut alls...o på andra sidan stod jag. Jag skulle vänja mig vid det goda livet och nånstans är det så still. Samtidigt som en annan tragisk film spelas. Ojojoj stackars henne, hon kommer inte ens ur diket och hon har knappt några ben. Hon kravlar på knotor i snigelfart och hasar sig fram över vägen. I nästa sekund är jag hon med vacker klänning i den sammetsklädda häst och vagnen.

Jag är nog...båda?

Jag kom ihåg hur Mia tyckte SÅ synd om sig och "bara gick hemma". Hon utvecklades inte, hon kämpade, hon mådde pissigt och pengarna tryte. Hon var ...arbetslös. Jag har varit där. Men samtidigt som hon var det så höll jag på att sy en väska av små tygbitar som skulle vara en metafor för att jag syr ihop mig själv av bitarna jag hittade. Jag tog de finaste som jag hittade där. Jag målade, jag umgicks med bra och intressanta människor och vi hade coola givande samtal och tankespasmer. Därimellan var det nån matgrej och prolly mer pyssel och lite kubb och whatnot. Jag kom ihåg att hon ringde mig och jag sa att jag satt och målade och hade det lugnt och skönt. Sen skulle vi fika typ. Åååååh det låter jättemysigt, säger hon på andra sidan. Avis på att jag hade det så bra.

Jag kan bli avis på Tobbe när han gör nåt skoj oba åååh ja vill määä juh. :( Men Mia är avis på mig ibland. Och Tobbe har varit det på mig också.

Ja visst, jag har drömmar om utopier där jag typ surfar och gör ascoola saker hela dagarna och varje dag är såå givande och spännande och jag är värsta episka fuck it I do what I want. Men samtidigt så...ja, det kanske är en high moment men vill jag Leva så..?? for reals? jag tror jag skulle bli helt slut efter tre dagar och behöva en månads semester :D.

Det är så viktigt att liksom hitta det som är Verkligt. För mig är äkta möten mellan människor fan bland det bästa jag vet. När man liksom Når varandra så man känner att lite nervtrådar snuddat.

Jag kan älska att sitta lite i solen och känna vinden blåsa över mig. Ännu bättre om det är i gottit sällskap.

Ja jag vill lite göra de där episka resorna och händelserna, ja. Men jag är inte daredevil lady 24/7 som lever on the edge oba I do whatever the hell I want and you can suck it. I aint her. Jag vill inte ens vara hon. Hon låter som hon kör över folk eller så är hon rätt hård eller kanske avstängd? Tuff känns ofta samma sak som avsaknad eller avstängda/gömda känslor.

Är jag ute och cyklar? Är det synd om mig? Det är det säkert, fast samtidigt inte? Det är nog båda. Jag Är nog mest. Jag känner mest att skulle någon idag ge mig ett jobb som affärsutvecklare på typ...ärligt talat alla ställen?? Ja jag hade fått dedär jobbet jag trodde jag ville ha och det jag pluggade till ... men det hade varit en kall värld. Nä...jag har svårt att se hur jag skulle kunna värdera det speciellt...högt. Det är liksom...så lågt värde på för mig. Woho pengar. Woho ett företag vinstmaximerade lite till. Visst, jag ville väl in och rota där men jag märker att...Människan var ju det jag ...faktiskt sökte. Det äkta och råa. Det nakna och fula. DÄR ville jag ...inte affärsutveckla utan individutveckla. Det var ju inte direkt pappas jobb det va fel på, utan hur pappa såg på sig själv. Och även hur de såg på sig som jobbade där. . HUR har jag varit så blind att jag missat det??!

Visst kan min tillvaro bli mycket bättre och visst är den torftig som fan ibland men det är ju för att jag glömt kärleken till mig och tror att jag ska hitta den i andra Återigen. Som att jaga en illusion av vatten i öknen tills jag fattar att det alltid börjar med mig. ALLTID.

Frågan är ju till syvende och sist hur Jag värderar det jag gör. och jag känner nog att jag nu Äntligen börjar närma mig Mig. Ja nä jag springer inte head over feet in i det, men jag Går. Jag tar steg för steg för steg och säger Nej till andras idéer om mitt liv och mer ja till min tolkning av hur livet ska levas.

Det som jag förut borstat under mattor och slängt in i förråd och tyckt "inte så viktigt" har jag putsat upp och gett en hedersplats. För skapande är ju bland det bästa som finns. Att själv få bestämma att bringa något till världen som ännu inte existerar förutom i mig. That's the drugs.

Jag skulle säga...att jag håller på och självförverkligar mig. Jag håller på och gå efter det som jag verkligen brinner för och älskar. Jag har aldrig varit såhär nära kitesurfing eller skikes eller vänner och bekanta för den delen. Min mage är bättre än på typ..15 år (speciellt om jag sköter mig)? Jag köper kläder som jag tycker mycket mer om och vi bor i en lyxbungalow ett stenkast från finnsingetnamnpådetfördetärbeyondvackert, jag har mer leksaker så som SUP, skateboard, elektrisk longboard, boxarhandskar, massa färger, lera, pennor, papper, inlines, skikes, halv kitesurfingutrustning och i helgen är det även snart ytterligare en dröm som ploppar in - segelbåten. Förutom det har jag tid. Tid att fundera och tid att avgöra vad nästa steg ska vara.

Men det behövs mer människor in i mitt liv. Working on that. Men jag Vågar nu. Jag kastar ur mig lite saker här och där och ibland händer det saker. Jag känner att den dörren som varit stängd så länge Äntligen låsts upp och står nu till och med på glänt. Gammalt mörker och skit har äntligen vågats lägga i dags att slänga högen.

Nu är jag sur för att nästa stora dröm inte gått i uppfyllelse än. Men liksom...kanske är det som med skikesen, man måste nog liksom åka med dem en del för att lära sig. Saker och ting är inte alltid POFF! Mine! utan vissa saker får man på sikt. En tränad kropp kan man inte köpa på en vecka oavsett hur många miljarder man än har.

Kanske är det så att den jag är arg på är...mig själv. Att det är jag som drar i jävla bromsen för att jag är livrädd för att...få göra det jag Verkligen vill. Det är nog tooo close to heart och för känsligt. Kan vinnte ta dedär andra som knappt känns nåt?? Det kan jag hantera. Men det heter inte hjärterum för intet, det är mitt jäkla hjärta på spel och jag känner direkt att jag står där på stan och bara ryckt ur mitt mest essentiella. I must be fucking Mad. A loonatic for sure. Lunachick :)

Samtidigt så.. . det finns ju inget mer värdefullt än hjärtat. Det är ju därför vi är fucking här. Det är ju därför vi lever. Det är samma med kitesurfingen och alla andra "grejer" jag sysslar med. Alla är i närheten av heartspace.

Livet är ju så motsatt. Som att i det mörkaste mörka så är samtidigt ljuset som närmast. I kungliga slott så finns stackars mig.

För jag vet inte men liksom...

fast liksom lite.... :D

[thearachive]

❝ what the fuck you call this?

ჼ  hopeless, not romantic.

╌╌╌╌╌╌ 【 ꜱ ᴘ ᴏ ɴ ꜱ ᴏ ʀ ᴇ ᴅ 】 ╌╌╌╌╌╌

‹ 𝒍𝒐𝒌𝒊 ›

• ❛ RILEY FLUFFY SWEATPANTS ❜ coming to @equal10 ; rigged for ebody reborn + juicy rolls, legacy, maitreya x.

‹ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒖𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒂 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕 ›

• ❛ ROSIE PLUGS ❜ @bunk x @muu ; rigged for swallow gauged & xl.

‹ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕 ›

• ❛ TOXIC ❜ @fika. ; top rigged for ebody reborn, legacy.

• ❛ FORGET ME NOT ❜ @worn. ; bom tattoo layers, 5 styles.

╌╌╌╌╌╌╌ 【 ᴄ ʀ ᴇ ᴅ ɪ ᴛ ꜱ 】 ╌╌╌╌╌╌╌

ʻ 𝘨 𝘦 𝘯 𝘦 𝘵 𝘪 𝘤 𝘴

head - ceylon 3.1  @lelutka.

lashes - ‘flutter’ @void.

body - ebody reborn. @reborn store.

hair - ‘grasp’ @stealthic.

ʻ 𝘤 𝘰 𝘴 𝘮 𝘦 𝘵 𝘪 𝘤 𝘴

moles - ‘metronomy kit’ @veltica.

freckles - ‘simple freckle pack’ @okkbye.

ʻ 𝘴 𝘦 𝘵

pose - ‘vaasa’ @ana poses.

backdrop - ‘empty lot’ @foxcity.