#figured I'd add these because it's really interesting and I have a couple minutes

[baravaggio]

Plan text of the last two images:

First image:

Chapter 1: Introducing Masculinity Culture (p.113) The Case of the IDF The IDF is more than just the major state organization. From a cultural standpoint, it is the state of Irasel. When people in Israel or elsewhere think about Israeliness, they think about military culture. The IDF throws together men and women from different settings - a liberal urban lifestyle, a socialist kibbutz environment, a national-religious upbringing, a Russian new-immigrant community, or a Mizrachi culture, to give but a few examples from our stories - to create the closest thing to a shared Israeli identity. The only way these individuals can make sense of their diverse backgrounds is to adhere to the one binding force available for Israeli men, the predominating power of the military. Mandatory military service begins at the age of eighteen and is followed by annual reserve duty. Until recent years, undergoing military service was virtually a prerequisite for entering adult life. Those who did not go faced a social stigma and limited job-advancement opportunities. Although this has changed somewhat among upper-class circles, it is still true for disadvantaged groups for whom military service is a major lever of social mobility. The military is not only the key agent of socialization into Israeli society, but into the masculine gender role in particular. Although the IDF is the only military with compulsory service for women, it nevertheless operates under a gender regime that intensifies gender distinctions. Men are conscripted for three years, and women are discharged after a year and nine months or less. Men are called for annual reserve duty throughout much of their adult lives, and women are expected to raise their children. Recent years have seen breakthrough legal advances in the position of women in the IDF, but for the most part, men still hold exclusive combat roles and serve alone on the battlefield.

Second image:

(p. 115) A most telling anecdote demonstrating this point is the title of a recent general dictionary for Israeli slang, Lexicon for Hebrew and Military Slang. As its editors note, many terms in common Hebrew slang are indistinguishable from the military jargon. Some telling slang terms are specifically examined in the succeeding sections. The IDF is bound by an underlying Zionist ideology. The Zionist revolution entailed not only the return of the Jewish people to their "old-new" homeland, the Land of Israel, but also the emancipation of the Jewish man. The image of the Jewish man was now to be rid of associations with its Diaspora version that spelled dislocated, "sheep-like" passive-feminine existence and replaced with images of physical labor, prowess, harshness, and sexuality. Zionist masculinity was reconstructed as a masculinity of the body, realized through settlement of the land, and a masculinity of self-defense, accomplished through military power. Influenced by other European nationalist movements, the Zionist project endorsed what George Mosse called the myth of participation in war. This view crystallized with the 1948 generation of the Sabra, Israeli-born youth who fought for the establishment of the Israeli State. The Sabra represented everything that the old Jew lacked: youth, strength, health, physical labor, and deep-rootedness. Following the founding of the IDF, the image of the Jewish warrior has been reinforced as a state institution. As in many countries, the Israeli military has become the key cultural site for the construction of what Connell describes as hegemonic masculinity. In the cultures of contemporary industrialized democracies this make-believe masculinity draws on traits such as independence, risk taking, aggressiveness, rationality, and heterosexuality. Within the military, such ideals are transformed to values of soldiering. This is especially profound in combat training. The ultimate test of manhood is the test of battle. Accordingly, the combat role is the core archetype of the military organization: it claims the highest status and defines the meaning of military service on a persona, organizational, and public level.

[genshin-side-piece]

I just read “Love Me Tender” and I’m obsessed with the way you write yandere Neuvillette and his darling. He’s one of those yanderes who are just so soggy and pitiful. I love the idea of a powerful yandere utilizing their power and connections to keep you. The melusines would DEFINITELY watch over you per Neuvillette’s request. And even if they knew he kidnapped you, they wouldn’t do anything about it. Not out of any malice, but because they, like Neuvillette, genuinely believe it’s what best for you. I love non-human yanderes because you can explore the potential of them not understanding humans being a reason for their yandere-ness

I love, LOVE the idea that a darling being submissive or cowering like prey turns him on. I love yanderes who take pride in being gentlemen but then silently salivate at the sigh of your legs. Also, I wish this was included in more fics, but I love the idea of a darling absolutely refusing to be near their yandere. Even if they have to resort to sitting in the corner instead of the comfy chairs by the yandere. I love darlings who try to hang on to the last semblance of autonomy and independence you have.

If you ever write any more yandere Neuvillette in the future I would love to read it!

❤️❤️❤️

Awwww TY Nonny! I'm so glad you liked it. I almost didn't publish this because of how hard I struggled with it. I was considering waiting until 4.1 just to be sure I had his personality right. Ray Chase wasn't kidding when he said Neuvillette was complex AF. It took me a minute to figure out if this was really even plausible for him and what his motivations would and could be. Thankfully the stuff with Childe at the end of the 4.0 archon quest showed Neuvillette could be pushed into action. So the idea that he's happy with observation until he deems there's a threat seems logical. Considering there is a mafia of sorts in Fontaine, and the whole serial k*ller business, it only adds to Neuvillette's mindset. Darling vanishes while he isn't looking and the kill bill sirens go off.

I think he would go deeper in terms of filling a caretaker/protector yandere role. I couldn't work it in fully here, but I believe he would be the type to fuss over your nutrition, your exercise, and your general well being. Not to the point that it's invasive, but enough to where he insures you are being cared for. God help Fontaine if that man ever feels derelict in his duty. The difference between him and some of the other protector yanderes, is in my mind Neuvillette owns the fact that he's the source of you misery. He does what he can to fix it, but he won't deviate from any of his previous actions. He can't.

I love my power hungry yanderes, but it was nice to write something soft for once. His pining and yearning coupled with his own self awareness was an interesting challenge. I would like to get to know Neuvillette better. Like I said, he is a difficult one to get right. I have another one that I am working on for him. I'm just struggling with the end on it. There's a third that I started before he debuted that I'm going to have to completely revise, maybe. He's a bit sterner in it than what he is in the game and there's a slight abuse of power, so I'll have to see. He has that side to him, but I'd like to see more of it for actual research purposes. 4.1 will do a lot for that one, especially considering Neuvillette is willing to manufacture charges in the correct circumstances.

But thank you so much for your lovely comment. I really do appreciate it.

[drdemonprince]

Probably a trivial question during a shitty time globally, but I'm going a bit crazy trying to figure this out and need help.

For some reason, people cancel last-minute alarmingly frequently when I host gatherings on days that are extremely important to me. I am talking mainly about my birthday and that of my partner but also a huge milestone graduation do last year was a nightmare as well. Neither I nor my partner have any meaningful relationships with our families anymore due to political differences and rely on our friends for the sense of home and belonging most people get from families.

Except this is a bit of a wasteland, as I struggle to form and maintain close friendships because of how unreliable and disappointing people have been for a while. This is not an individual (although there are a couple of people who I know will cancel every time) but a pattern. Someone will forget to book the right train ticket, another will only lurk on the event group chat and then comment for the first time before the event to say no. One person memorably just said they wanted to keep the option of a weekend gateway open so they could only come to my graduation party if they decided not to do that. Am I missing something here? Is this normal? I need consistency and dependability to feel safe and I feel like people I'd normally choose as friends (witty, nerdy interests, progressive) turn out to be incredibly bad at showing up for me when I need them. A friend I thought was close went completely mum after I graduated and didn't congratulate me at all - after having discussed the degree and its struggles with me for 2 years. Part of me feels like I need to rebuild my circle from scratch and maybe find people I can talk to honestly about my needs from the beginning of the friendship. But it feels so late and desolate to start this process in my mid-thirties. Everyone else has friends they grew up with and who know everything about their lives. Meanwhile, I am at the stage where I have no close friends at all anymore because my needs seem too absurd to even discuss with anyone except my partner, and if I do, I just lose friendships. I remember reading your piece on how to do social things as an autistic person last year and feeling very inspired so I thought I'd reach out to you.

This is all exceedingly, exceedingly normal, especially in the days post COVID for a variety of reasons. When I make plans with people, I assume that roughly 30-75% of the people invited are not going to show up, and I've completely made my peace with that. A friend of mine hosted a movie night a few weeks back, invited I believe around 15 people, and ultimately four showed up, many people being last-minute cancellations or total no shows.

This happens for a variety of reasons. Many people are very socially anxious and decide at the last minute they don't have it in them to show up because they're freaking out. Other people say yes when the event is days or weeks down the line, wanting in the abstract to be there, but then on the actual day of the event, practical daily life constraints are far more visible than they were when the event was just an idea, and so then they have to bail. Other people feel really bad saying no, and so they wait for the last minute to share that they can't make it. And lots of people are so bombarded with notifications on a variety of social media sites and chatting platforms that they just forget all that they've committed to. And then you add into that random illness, flat tires, crying kids, and the like, and you have a lot of reasons why people don't show up to things.

Personally, I have come to accept this. If I go into event planning assuming most people can't make it, my feelings aren't hurt. Every person who does show up is a gift. My invites are an opportunity, a true invitation, not an obligation or an expectation. I don't hurt my feelings in advance by telling myself that I need a high turnout for my birthday or that because I've worked hard making a certain dish for a party (I never actually do that admittedly lol) that a lot of people need to come and eat it.

And I invite people that I like and want to see, over and over again, because I care about them, and I want to show them that I care about them and that I understand they have other things going on and I am not offended that life got in the way for them. I want them to feel loved and included, even if they can't make it. Even the gesture of inviting a person to an event and them showing some interest is a meaningful act of maintaining social connections, for me. And so if they can't make it on the day of, that's fine by me.

I'm 35. My friends are anywhere from 21 to 60-something. People cancel events because of sick kids, broken down cars, long work weeks, depression, double-bookings, writing deadlines, social anxiety, busted ankles, not wanting to see one person they're currently having a difficult situation with, and any number of other factors. If you love people long enough, they get really complicated and their lives get really hard. I find that the most beautiful and friendship-sustaining thing one can do is to not take it personally, because you're going to need that same grace yourself plenty of times. People will drop of the map for months or years sometimes because they're going through hell, and you dont to deprive yourself of being open to reconnection when they're available again.

There's really no need to read anything into the randomness of life. This stuff will happen, so it's rational to expect it, and loving to not mind it too much.

Do you need to make some new friends? Maybe so! I have multiple different friend groups and I think that's healthy. You may find the no-shows less painful if you have more people to lean on. It's always good to form new connections, learn new things about yourself, expand your skills and understanding of the world through new information and experiences. But should you start over, and ditch your friends who are flakey? I don't think so. To be loved is to be sometimes flaked upon (and to flake). In this capitalistic, individualistic hellscape it's vitally important that we extend one another grace.

[listenheresweaty]

Ok uh here goes

Can I get revivedbur headcanons for a reader who was very hurt by his betrayal? Like all rev wants to do is be nice to reader and love them but they want nothing to do with him?

-roses 🥀

ohhh boy my first ask

first off i wanna say that i absolutely love this idea. perfect angst fodder mmm

im not that great at writing angst. when im not sure what to write i add a lot of insignificant details until i get motivation. so hopefully this is satisfying :) If not, i'll try to come up with some more concise headcanons for wilbur trying to regain the reader's affections.

-----

First off, I'd like to point out that Wilbur right after revival and Wilbur a couple days after revival (especially after the events of hitting on 16) are quite different

When he's freshly revived, Wilbur is ecstatic. He's alive, rejuvenated, and ready to cause mayhem in every conceivable corner of the server.

Ever the ambitious man, his first concerns are with gaining power--- or, rather, interfering with power. He wants to become relevant, involved in the incessant, political push-and-pull of mankind that has interested him since a young age.

Eventually, though, the adrenaline wears off and he starts thinking about the people in his life. Tommy, who he had immediately recruited for his expeditions to Las Nevadas. Phil and Technoblade, who he visited gladly. And you. You're there, just a short 5 minute walk from Technoblade's house.

Wilbur's sitting at the table with Phil, making small talk about the weather or something when you walk in, throwing open the door with a huff and brushing the snow out of your hair. You look a mess, hair wet and plastered to your cheeks and your nose red and sniffling.

God, how he's missed you.

You freeze when you see him, your voice dying in your throat.

Wilbur smiles oh so sweetly, opening his mouth to speak.

Phil accidentally interrupts him, standing up and explaining the situation to you--- yes, the rumors were true. Yes, Dream is on his necromancer arc. No, he's not Ghostbur.

Wilbur tries his best to speak with you, but it's hard with Phil and Techno there. And for some reason you won't speak to him directly, asking all questions about him to Phil, such as "When was he revived? Was it really dream who revived him?"

When you do address him, your answers are clipped, polite but distant.

He figures it's just because it's awkward with Phil around.

But even when he manages to catch you alone, you try to push him away, glaring at him before stalking off with your jaw clenched and your face hidden from his view.

ouch.

That doesn't deter him for long: Quackity had brushed him off with an eye roll and a dismissive wave of the hand, and yet their rivalry is still underlined by a vague sense of respect and friendliness. (keyword: vague). So, he'll just act the same as he does with Quackity!

But as soon as he starts pestering you too, popping up in your house to nick a few items and smirk at you, the look in your eyes stops him dead in his tracks.

"Get out of my house, Soot!" Your tone of voice catches him off guard. There isn't a trace of amusement or playful exasperation. Your annoyance is so profound it borders on disgust.

All the lighthearted mischievousness that had been previously dancing in his rib cage is extinguished in a heartbeat. His smirk fades, and he stands in silence.

"Didn't you fucking hear me? Get out!"

"Darling, I-I.. " He laughs nervously. "I was just joking, you can have your stuff back---"

"I don't care if you steal, leave or burn them. I want you out of my house."

"But--... I don't--"

"---And don't call me darling."

"I don't understand."

"What? What don't you understand?"

"I didn't.. I just want to talk." He raises his hands in surrender, exhaling slowly. "I just wanted to talk."

"I don't want to talk." You say, quiet and composed once more. "You aren't welcome here. Just--- get out. Please."

He wanted to stay and argue, but something about the way you were looking at him was almost more suffocating than Limbo. He turned tail and nearly bolted out of there.

---

He doesn't visit you for a while after that. It's even worse if you had been attached to Ghostbur--- because of course you were attached to Ghostbur.

And after hitting on 16? When he goes on his apology arc?

If people don't accept your apology, Phil had said, you need to let them go.

And so Wilbur does the same thing with you as he did with Tommy: avoiding you like the plague in fear of having to inevitably let you go.

He still spends his time thinking about you, of course. Whenever you two accidentally end up in the same area, he stands to the side, glancing at you from the corner of his eye.

The only way he's going to end up talking to you is if Eret sets it up, not revealing it to either of you until you're face to face.

You've calmed down since your last encounter with Wilbur. Although your opinions haven't changed, you willingly sit down to talk with him.

He, too, is less insistent with his apology. "Listen, I-I.. I know this won't fix things. I don't expect them to."

Wilbur pauses, and you raise an eyebrow for him to continue.

"But you-- you mean a lot to me." He says, wincing at the immediate scoff from you. "You do. You mean the world to me."

"Months. Months you lied to me, in Pogtopia. Months we all spent slaving away to get L'Manburg back-- and I did it all for you! I fought for that country because you loved it like life itself. You watched us fight for it, you let us bleed and sweat and shed tears for it, all while knowing all our efforts would be in vain because you'd be blowing it to pieces regardless. And then you up and left! You left us all, left us to pick up your pieces and drag your body to be buried. "

" ______." Wilbur said your name, quietly.

"-- And you proposed to me! The day beforewe were about to fight to get back L'Manburg, you got down on one knee and proposed.--"

"______." Wilbur repeated.

"You promised we'd have a life after the war. You looked me in the eyes and promised me this, knowing damn well what would happen the next day."

Wilbur doesn't say anything. His shoulders sag, deflating.

You sigh too. "And then you're revived. Months go by, I don't hear a word from you--- not that I was asking to--- and now you're apologizing."

Wilbur falls silent. "I'm selfish."

You purse your lips and move to speak, but he cuts you off.

"I'm not saying that to provoke pity or fish for compliments or serve an excuse. I'm just stating the fact. I am, at heart, a selfish person. I-- that's why I proposed to you that day. I-I knew it would hurt. I thought it would.. keep you closer, wanting to avoid you leaving me. Even though I was the one leaving." He exhales, running a hand through his hair.

The brutal honesty has you dumbfounded, searching for any traces of trickery or manipulation-- but not finding any. He seems genuine. Incredibly self-depreciating, but genuine.

"..And that's the reason I haven't apologized to you until now." Wilbur continues, seeing that you weren't going to speak. "I didn't.. I couldn't bear to hear a formal rejection."

You don't know what to do, having exhausted yourself with your outburst earlier. So you just nod in understanding.

"I-I'm going to be honest. I really, really don't want to let you go. But I've promised myself that that's what I'll do if you don't accept my apology. If you want me to leave you alone, say the word. You won't have to see me again. But if there's anything I can do, anything to earn a second chance for myself--- I'll do it." He rambles on. "I don't need you to love me. I want you to--- I really want you too-- but I don't need you to. I just don't want you to hate me."

You chew on your bottom lip thoughtfully. "I don't hate you."

He looks relieved, hope lighting up his features.

"...But I don't know if I'll accept your apology."

His face falls.

"I know I don't accept it right now. And I think that's understandable. I want to accept it sometime in the future, Wilbur, I just.. I need time."

Wilbur nods, mouth twitching as he works up the nerve to speak. "Would you.. prefer if I stayed away, during that time?"

"I don't want you to outright avoid me." You admit. "If we happen to end up in the same place together, I´ll talk to you. But I think some distance would be helpful."

"Yeah." He manages, clearing his throat. "Yeah, I'll... I can wait."

Wilbur looks back up at you. "I'll wait for you." He promises.

and then he leaves for utah

[iveneverseenthesebowlsbefore]

(Thought I'd post this separately in case any non fandom people were interested.)

I was thinking to myself the other day that maybe I don't get more engagement on my tunes because ppl don't know how hard I work on them (obvs it must be that) so because so many of you asked, here's a long ass post on how I write a (fan)song.

Part 1: The Idea

Most of the time, the idea's the hardest part for me. I'll get either lyrically or musically inspired one day and play around on guitar or piano or open garageband and scroll through loops but not come up with anything i like enough to want to develop. And it's really because there's no spark behind it. That's the best part of fandom songs, I never need help for inspiration.

I get accosted with feels from a show, decide I must write a song for it, think about Stede and Ed, open gb on my phone, pick some chords and open my mouth and see what comes out.

(Le beginning)

Usually i get a lyric or two, a phrase maybe, and the start of a melody. Tbh It all happens so fast.

But after 15 minutes or so i have the bones of something; some lyrics; chorus and a verse, and what story i want to tell and where I want it to go.

Part 2: Taking Shape

Moving to the desktop now, we got a notes app with the WIP lyrics up and a few tracks from the iphone of the chord progressions for the first verse and chorus.

Usually i just have a simple guitar part, some percussion loops and bass...although if anyone has ever heard any of my songs you may notice that 'bass' always means CELLOS because i REALLY like low strings cuz they are DRAMATIC and i grew up on too much HANS ZIMMER.

Anyway, that's when i put my headphones on and start to sing what i have into the mic. it usually sounds very silly. i talk to myself lots. There's lots of gibberish. There are many kitty cat pitter patter sounds. (From the cats, not me)

Basically here is when I shape the content of song - edit and finish the lyrics, figuring out what story I want to tell while I do.

If I can't get the melody and lyrics to flow, what needs to change? What rhythm might work where, what's awkward, what lyric is too cliche or could hit harder?

What instruments do i want in this song? Do I want to add any ahhs or mmms or ooos to the background? what part is boring, what type of sound might make things pop?

Musically, I take out anything that doesn't feel good to my ears and add in anything they want to hear. Lyrically i try to add more depth with less words at any necessary phrase changes - any constraints actually makes lyric-writing easier for me (rhyming is also great for that)

I sand it down, smooth it out; make it into a song I would want to listen to and as a vocalist one I want to sing. This is only a first draft of the song, but the more I like it, the better i'll sing it.

Part 3: Finalizing Melody/Adding Harmonies

Usually i take a break between pt 2 and pt 3. My uncle likes to say i wear a lot of hats doing the song thing and i think he's onto something. Songwriter hat, lyricist, arranger, vocalist, topliner, engineer, producer, i kinda have to dabble in all them to get a song into a song. I def wear some better than others tho. And arranging harmonies is probably my favorite. At least, this is the part that comes most naturally to my earballs.

First I'll either piece together or record a new rough lead vocal of the final melody. I'll probably sing through it a couple times just to make sure everything feels good and locked in. I'll pick my favorite take, mute the others, and at last, it's harmony time bitches.

I make a new vocal track, press play, and then stop and record at any place i hear there ought to be harmony. A lot of time that's like, everywhere.

Sound painting i call it.

What can I say, I did a lot of choir and i hear a lotta harmonies and I'm so adhd guys i just wanna put all the noTES EVRRYWHERE

I go through a few runs of this. I'll want to make sure i have everything i hear recorded, even if i don't use it, so i can figure out what actually sounds good. I then have a LOT of extemporaneous harmonies to go though. As i enjoy pain, I then go through those.

I sort of go back and forth between zooming out and zooming in during this part. Zooming out on the entire song, figuring out what doesn't click, what's too much, what needs more and what needs less and then zooming in on the actual harmony parts. Does the vocal blend blend? Does it sound sexy or just dissonant af?

The more parts I add the more i have to make sure something wonky doesn't go and wonk everything up. The harmonies are never very complicated, usually just a 3rd and maybe a 5th in places. But i like to do counter melodies sometimes and then put harmony parts on *those* as well. Sometimes i add a bass vocal or a high octave, sometimes i do that on only certain words or phrases.

At the end I'll usually end up with my lead vocal, a double at some or all the choruses, and pruned harmony tracks on the verses and choruses, bridge, and on any counter melody thing I've done at the end of the song. i listen again, rerecording any harmony parts that need some tightening. These are only rough vocals; this is to get all the parts down and recorded and ready to sing later.

After that, the hard part (of this step) is over and I can start to play around a bit. I'll listen for any places calling out for what i like to call ~sparkles~ - moments where some ear candy would enhance the song. A high octave heaped in reverb somewhere, maybe an echo effect for one word only.

Once i start the sparkles part well... o the vocal plugins... the reverb alone... all the different ambience and echo-y sounds you can try, "church reverb", "echo chamber reverb"...

(tag yourself I'm Prison Main Floor)

You guys there's just. So many presets. Wtf does 'dark rising hall' sound like? I dunno but i'm about to find the fuck out.

i lose time then. Some hours pass. Days mayhaps.

Part 4: Vocals

Oh vocals. See this part. This part sounds like fun right? The singing! I love the singing of the song! And I do actually! But this part? This isn't singing. This is recording. And it's the actual worst.

See, I am, at heart, a theatrical singer. A performer if you will. And if I may draw your attention to this microphone on the left here:

This one on the left? This is a dynamic mic. This is my friend. This is a mic you use on stage. Where some people belt into it and others stick the whole thing in their mouths. You can do whatever with dynamic mic. Dynamic mic don't mind. Dynamic mic loves you. Dynamic mic lives for the drama of the theater.

Now the mic on the right? This mic is a mic for recording in studios. This is a condenser mic. This is a very different mic. Condenser mic very sensitive. Condenser mic pick up a fly fart. The juicy details of it too.

i have a very strained relationship with the condenser mic.

Getting the final vocals down in an apartment with paper thin walls, squeaky floors, cats licking themselves (loudly too Daphne jesus), with a condenser mic, just getting the room sound sounding soundy enough is hard enough, but then i gotta sing into the thing!

i don't edit my vocals in a program like melodyne anymore because its too fucking hard and time consuming (aka pitch correcting the pitchy notes) which is a thing you absolutely should do when you're stacking as many harmonies as i stack. But again, lazy. This means i gotta get those babies on pitch as much as I can. I have to get them at a decent level - they can't be too loud or the mic gets mad, they can't be too quiet or the fly farts will drown out my voice.

With proper breath support and a nice warmup most of the time I can get a decent tone outta myself. But guess what, your girl here? She got that long covid. And when you have lungs that are supposed to be all hot air balloon shaped but instead have become more like knotted up twisty straws and you gotta breathe real good to get a nice tone that isn't brittle or pitchy...

oh and remember those harmonies i love arranging oh so much? Gdi me. Gdi.

So yeah this part's really hard. It may take a while depending on the state of my voice (or yk, lungs/general health) it'll get done over the span of several days, lately, because my voice gives out so quickly. But eventually ill have a few takes of each vocal part, maybe 3, of performances where my voice was in ok enough shape.

Oh but we're only halfway done this part.

Part 4a: Comping

Now its time to go through the song one line at a time. And listen to all three sung versions of that line. One at a time. And pick which one is least offensive to my ears (aka one with a good level, nice tone and intonation, on pitch, controlled, has decent phrasing and diction and feeling too. And one I sang the correct lyrics on. I flub them more than you'd think). And then put them all together on one track to make a Final vocal track. This is called comping vocals.

I hate comping vocals.

It always gets a little messy.

I am usually very very cranky at the end of comping vocals.

Cuz remember all those harmony tracks? Guess what. I gotta comp them too. And all those sparkles and any mmms and ahhs and stuff I added? Yep. They gotta be comped. And *then* i gotta blend them together with fade outs and fade ins so it doesn't sound like 3 takes spliced together. And then I gotta make sure there's no kitty feets in them. And then I gotta reorganize them; join the regions, bounce the tracks, rename files, so it's *not* so messy and not a nightmare to mix.

Man oh man. I love to sing but i hate this part. I always get there in the end. But i have a lot of curses to edit out of those takes ill tell ya what.

Part 5: Tightening It Up And Sending It Off

At this point i can take off the vocalist hat and go back to the song-writer/producer hat and concentrate on making this song a song other people wanna sing along with too. How much i work on this part depends highly on the song. Sometimes it feels ready where it is, sometimes not.

I listen again and pay attention to the dynamic movement of the song. Is there enough build, drama, ear candy, etc? Is there a part calling out for a random funky loop? Most importantly, is it the best version of the song my ears can hear?

i start trying things. Take instruments out in places, vary them in others. Mute everything but the percussion. is it too much, not enough? Mute everything but the percussion and bass, the heartbeat of the song. Is it vibin'?

I think about the characters, think about how i feel listening to the lyrics; do they evoke them the way I wanted it too? Does it say about them everything I wanted it too? Does it need something more at the end, a hook all throughout? Should i take a sparkle and expand on it?

A bitch can get lost in this phase. But I'm better at it than you'd think after writing all that out. Because really, i don't think. I'm just listening. What do i want to hear? It's an intuitive thing, a feeling thing.

When i don't hear any places left I can improve it's time to send it to co-producer and engineering master badass uncle man. His ears are actually the best ears. They are grammy winning ears. I used to get intimidated sending my songs to him but now after working with him for so long, i just get super excited. What's *he* gonna hear??

Part 6: Edits

Producer notes! This part might be lengthy or not at all - basically what i said, what does Uncle Badass hear? He is very very good at hearing things. Sometimes he'll hear something sticking out that isn't working, sometimes he'll hear that the song needs a fucking church bell like in Safe to Land (which i maintain is a legit stroke of genius it works so well. 'Member Ricky's exploding clock? Wtf. UB don't even watch the show, how'd he know?)

Sometimes he'll notice a vocal thing, a harmony he hears and thinks I could add, a part of the song that needs to go somewhere different. Maybe something will sound wonky in the chords or harmonies.

Sometimes, i didn't get the vocals sounding quite right at all and so...yup. You guessed it. They need a total redo. Part 4 here we go again.

Sometimes it'll be the guitar part i have sucks ass because i'm not a very good guitar player. But hey just my luck. Guess who is.

(Uncle Badass)

So yeah he'll add some sweet ass guitar for me.

He will also tune up my fake instruments to sound a little less fake. For example bass (not the cellos this time); i am not a bass player and it's not the part of a song i attune to naturally unless it stands out, which means the bass parts in my songs are very one note most of the time (ha); he'll add some walk up/downs, maybe, move it around so it sounds more like s bassist playing a bass and not someone pushing a button on a screen. it's pretty neat.

Once we've decided the edits to the arrangement and I've done and finalized any vocal edits I needed to do then it's mixin' time.

Part 7: Mixin', Mastering, And The Final Mix

This is my favorite part because i don't have to do anything. Well mostly. I start to think about like, oh, sharing, I have to like, put it on the online places. Because if I made an art and no one see/hears it, did I really make an art??

This involves very little because i am bad at it.

I really love people like, listening to my songs, that's the point yk? But I don't like anywhere but, eh, tumblr. So usually i just tell my small group of hellsite frez, only a fraction of whom are in the fandom thing the song is about, and make a bad lyric video. I used to do the twitter and the other places; there was a hot minute during the Hannibal times that my songs were getting some real listen-age, it was fun! And i made a couple people cry. Which was the goal really so I've peaked.

But yk, I like my songs. I like it when other people interact with and like my songs too. But i don't really care if they do or they don't anymore. It's the getting older part I s'pose. And also fan edits are like 10 seconds long now. My millennial ass with all my 4 minute show-tunes don't have a chance on this here musk's internet. But I digress.

Anywho, while I'm not doing much, my uncle's *working* on this thing. He's been doing this for... yk what im not gonna tell you how long he's been doing this for because he'd say it makes him sound old. And it's impossible. Did you see that pic? That mofo will never be old.

So yeah, Uncle Badass puts on his engineer hat and makes this thing sound like a song. I've tried my best at audio engineering; i haven't quite gotten it down, but I know enough to know how little I know, you know? It's pretty amazing, I send him a lot of noise and he cleans it up and glosses it all up and finishes it and makes it into a song that sounds like a song.

After a few days he'll usually send me back a gorgeous thing and i'll be like OMG THIS IS A GORGEOUS THING. and then listen to it thrice more and be like OK LET'S TWEAK THIS PART OF YOUR GORGEOUS THING

This usually is just more arrangement talk, nitty gritty details this time tho, maybe i want an instrument to come in a measure earlier, maybe i want to just *hear* that and see if i like it better (and then ofc, he would make that edit for me...and many times...I don't actually like it better...and he un-edits it. But the ears. They want want they want yk?)

We go back and forth a lot during this part.

We tweak here and there, slowly but surely morphing the song into what I heard in my brain when I wrote it back in Part 1, when it was just an idea and a lil stanza in my notes app.

This is a very cool part. Cuz then it's done! It's mixed and mastered and ready to go and just THERE! I can hear it! It's real! It's me! And we made a whole bunch of sound that didn't exist before! How cool is that?

Ahh finished song dopamine is the best.

So, yeah! That's how I write a song. And how it goes from a lil idea to a finished Art. And it feels good to finish an art! And then I post it on tumblr dot com and it gets 2 notes! But hey

[btsxmalereaders]

☆ Even in zero gravity, I would still fall for you!

♡ pairing — bang chan x male reader

> genre — fluff | f2l

> word count — 4.3k I don't know how this happened

> summary — chan realises he likes you by not being able to use pickup lines on you

> a/n — i saw a tiktok where chan says he's gonna use a pickup line on felix and my love-deprived self ended up writing this lol i hope you all like it

| 05282021

| Please keep making more whosfan accounts and keep streaming WOLFGANG on the correct platforms!

"Hey, how you doin'?" Chan casually says as he enters the kitchen, trying not to grin and start giggling right away. He even places his hands over the table and tilts his head a little in an attempt to look confident. Felix takes his attention away from the food he is cooking and turns on his feet to look at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Good?" He answers with an air of suspicion. "Why?"

Chan finally lets out a small giggle, "Oh nothing, I was just thinking that... I am not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together."

And Felix thinks it's a creative pickup line, funny even, but what ends up making him laugh is the way his best friend bends over to start laughing louder and the way his cheeks turn reddish at the embarrassment he's probably feeling.

"That was a good one, I must say," He chuckles. "Not as great as the Optimus Fine one, though. Even if it made you laugh for ten minutes after you said it."

And Chan can only laugh harder at the remembrance, placing his hands over his slightly aching abdomen and gasp for air when he can't handle it anymore. Felix giggles as well and denies with his head, going back to stir what's on the pot.

"Stays keep getting creative when it comes to flirting with you," He speaks again as the laughter finally dies down. "They probably think you might use it on someone you like, and you're here almost crying because you use them on us."

Chan hums, "Well, I don't really like anyone right now."

Felix turns off the stove and makes a -dramatic- pause, turning again to face Chan as he gets closer and squints his eyes. "I don't believe it."

"What?" Chan laughs. "Why would I lie?"

"I don't know, but I don't buy it. Maybe it's the love songs you have as drafts in your laptop."

"Ah, that doesn't mean I'm in love," He explains and takes a seat in front of him, nervously scratching the back of his neck. "That's why they're still drafts, though. They don't convey the feeling of being in love because I am not in love, you know?"

"Good point, but it still doesn't convince me."

"Why?" He asks again with a chuckle, a little embarrassed by the sudden interest in his - nonexistent - love life. "You know our activities barely give us time for ourselves, so it's almost impossible to have a relationship with someone. At least a formal one."

"You can still like someone and not be with them." Felix shrugs. "So spill it. Who is it?"

And Chan knows he's just messing around with him, but he can't help but feel flustered. "No one! I think so." He almost says it in a whisper; however, Felix doesn't comment on it.

"I still want to listen to those drafts," He stands up and smiles. "Why don't you show me?"

This was not the way Chan expected the conversation to go, so he hesitates a bit about his friend's request. Well, it wasn't unusual anyway, at least Changbin had heard a couple and also helped in the composition of the songs, so having someone else hear them wouldn't hurt. He might even listen to ideas on his part to improve them.

"Okay, I can do that. Next week Y/N will come to the studio and work on something, why don't you pop-up at some point and I can show you?"

Felix nods, "Sounds good! Y/N asked for help for his new album?"

"Yeah, he wants me to listen to some tracks he has been working on." He casually comments, taking his phone from his pocket and leading his attention to the device, so now Felix can't see the slight blush on his cheeks.

"Hm, I haven't seen him in a while. Why hasn't he come to the dorm lately? We should invite him."

"He has been busy with his album, that's why. If you think I leave late from the studio, that's nothing compared to him, he truly spends an ungodly amount of time there."

"So you see him often?" Felix asks with sudden interest, now being aware of how Chan's ears are tinted pink.

"You could say that, yeah. He also spends time on my studio whenever he has the chance. And vice-versa." He shrugs, not finding it odd. You two were really good friends, so it was a normal thing for you to do. "Why?"

"Nothing, I was just curious." He mischievously laughs. "So, next week, you said?"

After a quick glance at the time on your phone, you decide to stand up and stretch your body. It's been a long time since you started working, and you still have a lot to do; and on top of it all, the progress you've made tonight doesn't totally convince you, and that just meant you'd be spending more time in the studio.

As you take your phone again to read your notes, a notification pops up on the top. You weren't supposed to meet up with Chan until later, but in the new message you just received, he tells you that he's free from working on his stuff and you could go earlier if you wanted.

You decide to go; after all, it was nearly impossible for you to concentrate again, and you truly needed to know what does he think about the tracks you sent him a few days ago to finally make an advance. So you grab your laptop after making sure you've saved the changes and the cup of half-drunk coffee, walking out to the long hall and taking the elevator to an upper floor.

The soles of your shoes are dragged across the floor all the way to the studio's door, where you softly knock a couple of times before remembering you already know the password to enter. Your fingers press the buttons, entering code you know by heart at this point, and the door quickly unlocks, making Chan to look your way and greet you with a smile.

"Hey, how have you been?" He sweetly says, seeing you entering the room and placing your belongings on top of the big desk in front of you and taking a seat on the couch behind him.

"Busy. And tired." You murmur and let out a sigh. Chan immediately plays a song at a low volume and takes seat next to you.

"You're still struggling with the track you told me about?"

You nod as an answer and pout, "I am desperate. It's like, no matter how many times I rewrite the lyrics or change the beats, it still doesn't convince me at all and I hate it."

"I get it," He sighs. "But don't worry about it, I'm here to help you out."

And Chan isn't someone who breaks his promises, so the following hours are spent listening to your music, carefully reading everything you've written so far, listening to your ideas and giving you advice.

In between work, he tells you every other joke to make you laugh and feel at least a bit less stressed; and it works wonderfully since he has a long list of dad jokes that take you off guard, plus his laughter is contagious, so not laughing with him is impossible.

It's no surprise that his advice and opinions are so accurate to the point of clearing your mind and helping you out of your creative block. Chan has always been hard-working and so good with words that every time you engage him in conversations, you feel more relaxed and less burdened. No matter what situation you had a problem with, Chan would always help you find the best solution for it. Maybe that's why you admire him so much, maybe it was one of the many reasons why you didn't hesitate for a second to go to him and find security in his presence and words... Maybe it was one of the thousands of reasons why you had romantic feelings towards him...

"Is it better now?" His voice takes you out of your thoughts. He's sweetly smiling at you; he probably realized you got lost on the way his lips were moving as he told you his thoughts on the recent draft of your song.

"Yeah, yes, honestly, you've helped me so much. I don't know what I'd do without you." You smile and go for a quick hug, taking the opportunity to ruffle his hair. Your fingers sliding between his soft and messy curls and making him fondly smile in the process. "You're my hero. I mean it."

Chan chuckles and can't keep his eyes off you as you type something on your laptop and hum. He recalls the conversation he had last week with Felix, and that ambiguous feeling settling on his chest makes him wonder if, after all, his friend was right. He doesn't remember when was the last time he felt the urge to hold someone in between his arms and dearly appreciate, and he wants to know why he smiles and feels his stomach tickling when he sees you.

Maybe it's because you spend a lot of time with him, a voice inside his head says. But he doesn't feel this way with any other friend.

Maybe it's because you have known him for a long time and you just appreciate him a lot, the voice tries again. Maybe. He finally gives in at the last thought. He'd have to figure it out.

His phone buzzes inside the pocket of his jeans and he takes it, knowing for sure it's a message from Felix.

"Felix is arriving in a few minutes." He murmurs, making you take your eyes off the screen. "He wants to listen to some songs I have, is that okay?"

"Of course, it's your studio, silly." You giggle. "I am almost done with this, so if you're gonna be busy I can go back to m-"

"You can stay, if you want to." He quickly adds. "Plus, he says he wants to see you, you know... He misses you." Chan laughs. He wasn't lying, but that wasn't the only reason he wanted you to stay.

"Okay! Sure, I haven't heard from him in a while, either." You nod and keep making changes on the file you have open.

Just as he said, Felix enters the room just a few minutes later, smiling brightly and immediately running to give you a big hug once he sees you.

Soon, the room was filled with laughter and long conversations to catch up on everything around your lives. Felix tells you about the new pastries he baked last week and that he was waiting for you to come around and bake with him, the new video game Jeongin bought and has been playing with Hyunjin, the new songs Changbin and Jisung have been working on and how Seungmin was learning to play piano, playing songs at night for everyone at the dorm.

"And you know? Chan hyung has gotten better at flirting." He laughs as the latter gives him a threatening glare. "He can't stop saying pickup lines whenever he has the chance."

"Ah, really?" You chortle. "You haven't said one in all the time we've been here."

"Well, we've been working, and I've told you many other jokes... Besides, it's not like I come up with them out of nowhere."

"Yes, you do!" Felix says. "You do that all the time, what are you talking about?"

You glance at Chan, who's currently blushing and at the loss of words. Felix, on the other hand, seems to be happy to see what he just provoked. And he'd definitely enjoy every part of it.

"I want to hear one! C'mooon!" You laugh. "Please?"

Chan rolls his eyes and tries to look confident as he would normally do. He clears his throat and thinks of a good pickup line he hasn't used yet.

"Alright," He says and smiles, he even thinks it's gonna start laughing before even opening his mouth, but the very moment he looks into your eyes, it's like he forgot every single word on his vocabulary. "Uhm, are you, no. Did you-? Wait! I forgot what I was gonna say-"

Felix can't help but burst into laughter, and you only look at him, as if you couldn't believe it. Was he nervous or was it because of the fact that Felix was in the same room? Would it have been any different if he weren't there?

You end up laughing at Felix's loud laughter, as well as seeing Chan blushing up to his ears and hiding his face behind his hands, probably also in an attempt to cover the huge grin he now has.

"Wow, that was an epic failure. And I thought you were the biggest flirt on earth." Felix teases him, to which Chan ends up groaning.

He continues talking about other stuff while Chan stops feeling embarrassed, even though he's not able to look in your eyes for the entire time until you have to go back to work.

You close your laptop and stand up, throwing the now empty cup of coffee on the trash bin. After thanking Chan for his help and promising Felix you'd drop by their dorm soon, you walk out of the studio with a smile and feeling your heart beating fast. There was no way you didn't have feelings for him.

"Oh my god, so I was right!" Felix says a few seconds after you left. Chan's first instinct is to cover his face again. "Look who got nervous so suddenly."

"Stop, I- I don't even want to talk about it." He murmurs, feeling flustered and avoiding Felix's gaze. He types something on his laptop and presses the play button, hoping that this way, his friend would forget about what just happened and could focus solely on the music.

And Felix doesn't talk about it anymore. The next few minutes are set by the music coming out of the speakers; the room filling with Chan's voice, singing the love songs that probably no one else would listen to. Felix seems to be concentrating on the lyrics, but Chan's thoughts are solely about you. As he listens to the songs, he is aware of how his skin bristles every time his hands accidentally touch you, the times when your eyes connect with his and you give him smiles every time it happens, all those times when his heart would race when he hugged you.... It's as if all those songs that professed a love he said he didn't feel, started to make sense.

He feels overwhelmed. Maybe if he was aware of it before, maybe if he listened to his heart instead of his head, this wouldn't be a big revelation to him.

Chan pauses the music, and before Felix can ask what's going on, he speaks up: "Why- why did I do that?"

"Did... what, exactly?" Felix asks, confused.

"The pickup line thing!" He blurts out. "I mean, I do that all the time, right? Why did I just forget how to even talk?"

Felix giggles, "Well, have you considered it's because when you use those pickup lines on us you just do it for laughing? To joke around with us, and with Y/N it's because... I don't know, you have feelings for him and it gets real? Like you're flirting with him."

Makes sense, he thinks. He remains in silence for a moment, processing everything that just happened and finally connecting the dots.

"Wait, you just had your epiphany?" Felix jokes. "It took you too, too long."

"I can barely fall asleep, how was I supposed to know I was falling in love?"

"Fair enough." He says, comprehensive. "Are you telling him?"

"Should I?" Chan's eyes sparkle, but he still feels confused. Should he even try? It's been so long since he last felt this way about someone, and given the circumstances of his life as an idol, he felt more reluctant to take the next step. Even more, considering he had just taken the first one by accepting his feelings a few minutes ago.

"I was right all this time by you being in love," He says. "And I am also sure that it's mutual. I've seen you two for a while, you know? I am surprised you didn't come the realization way earlier than this."

Chan giggles. "Alright, I get it."

"But it's up to you now, I guess. All I know is that you deserve to be happy, and you deserve good things... And Y/N is a great person. You should give yourself an opportunity on love."

Chan feels chills as he hears those words. Tonight's even have been too much for him to process, so he'll think deeply about it later.

"Okay," He nods. "Thanks, Lix. You've been really helpful."

"I know, what would you do without me?" Felix laughs. "Now let's keep listening to the songs, I am loving all of them."

Fortunately, the help Chan gave you really made it possible for you to finish the songs in no time. You are just now walking out of a meeting with your managers and the people in charge of the release of the album to set the final details, and you quickly send a message to Chan to let him know the news.

In the meantime, you drop by your studio to clean up a little and maybe write down some ideas for new songs that have been in your mind for a while. After a few minutes, you hear a knock on the door, snapping you out of your thoughts and then feeling confused. You weren't expecting anyone to come. So you slowly open the door, and a smile spreads across your face the moment you realize it's Chan.

"Oh, hi!" You greet him with a hug, immediately letting him in afterwards. He shyly gets inside, taking a seat on a chair and placing a bag on the small table behind him. "What brings you here? I thought you were still busy with you guys upcoming album."

"It's okay, Changbin is working on his stuff now at the studio, so I took the chance to come here and celebrate with you!" He grins. "Congratulations on making your first self-produced album!"

He starts clapping, making you smile; he truly was the sweetest person you've ever met.

As soon as he read your message he went to the nearby cafeteria and bought your favorite drink and pastries, claiming that it was a special occasion and should be celebrated.

"For all your hard work and the success of this album!" He makes a toast as he raises his cup of tea.

Soon you find yourselves immersed in a long conversation about everything that went into creating this album; from when you had the first idea for the concept, to those sleepless nights when he helped you without hesitation. Chan was definitely an essential part of this whole process, so to be celebrating with him right now felt right. It was how it should be.

"You know," Chan clears his throat as another song starts playing. "These past days I've had this thought in my head, and after talking it out with Felix... I am certain about it. And I want to tell you about it. I know I have to."

You frown, feeling curiosity, especially since his semblance has changed to be a bit more serious. He still has a small smile that gives you some kind of tranquility, but another part of you can't help but feel nervous as he gets a little bit closer.

"Of course, what is it?"

"So, uhm" He starts. "Some weeks ago, when Felix came to the studio and we were talking with you... Well, the reason he came was because he wanted to listen to some love songs I've worked on. And, after listening to all of them I figured out why I didn’t like them. I was sure I wasn't in love. That's why, to me, they all sounded plain and didn’t convey the feeling of love... But then..."

He makes a pause, catching his breath as he feels more and more nervous. He knows for sure his ears and cheeks are red right now, and it's impossible that you haven't noticed it. His hands slightly shake behind the table, anxiously looking for yours, but refraining from doing it because he doesn't know how this was going to end. You don't want to interrupt him, so you give him his time to clear his head and talk again.

"While listening to those songs, the only thought I had in mind was you." He finally confesses, with his gaze now fixed on his lap. "I guess that for a while I didn’t realise that I started to, uhm, catch feelings for you. And, it's okay if you don't feel the same way about me. I just really wanted to let you know because the thought has been on my mind for so long and I needed to let it out."

For a moment, the only thing that can be heard in the room is your voice coming from the speakers along with a sigh from Chan, who still didn’t dare to look up and face you.

"So... what you're saying is..." You speak up, feeling incredibly shy, trying to process the words addressed to you.

"What I am trying to say is that I am in love with you."

And you swear you could start screaming to the top of your lungs right now, but you try your very best to stay calm and finally grab Chan's hands. With that, he looks at you again.

"Channie," You softly say, looking at him in his precious eyes and dearly smiling. You don't even know where to begin, but a voice inside you begs for you to give him a hug. So you open your arms and embrace him tightly, feeling instant comfort and love. "I am so glad you feel this way too. I love you too."

Chan sighs in relief, placing his hands on your waist and pulling you closer; his nose pressed against the crook of your neck and closes his eyes, melting between your arms and enjoying every single second of that gesture.

"Wait a minute," You say out of nowhere, so he separates a bit from you and tilts his head. "That's why you couldn't even say a sentence when you tried to say a pickup line?"

You laugh when his expression changes to look ashamed, his lips frowned in a pout and his gaze avoiding your eyes again.

"Try again, I'm sure you're good at this." And Chan's head only comes up with the dozens of lines he has read, but seeing you smiling right in front of him and your arms over his shoulders, he can only think how lucky he is. He can't possibly say anything to you. "Alright, let me try instead."

You hum and recall all the pickup lines you've read and have been told before, "Hm, can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll return it."

And you expected Chan to start laughing out loud, instead he starts blushing again and giggling, covering his face as he feels nervous.

"C'mon! Seriously?" You laugh and wait for him to stop being shy.

"You make me nervous, give me time." He excuses himself and laughs some more. "That was a good one, and you know what? You can borrow all the kisses you want, as long as you keep your word and return them."

"See? That's what I'm talking about!"

Chan fondly smiles at you, placing his hand on your head to pet your hair for a moment. You close your eyes as he does it, feeling his soft touch traveling all the way down to your chin. He rests his thumb on your cheek and after a few seconds you decide to open your eyes.

"Can I?" He murmurs as his gaze shifts from your eyes to your lips.

"You don't even have to ask."

And just as you give him permission, he breaks the distance between you two. He starts carefully, placing his lips against yours in a tender, chaste way, barely there pressure that makes you exhale through your nose as if you had been holding your breath all along. One of his hands still holds you by the waist, so he takes the opportunity to slide it to your lower back, carefully holding you and sending you shivers to your entire body.

You lean forward barely a few millimeters, but it's enough to feel more pressure over your lips. Chan angles his head and traps your bottom lip, tongue trying to dart out of his mouth to taste more of the sweetness of yours. He, however, contains himself and smiles in between the kiss, instead. He was probably gonna be the death of you.

The deep kiss loses intensity as a minute passes by, so you two end up giving smaller kisses and share smiles, your noses constantly touching in skimo kisses. And you think it's perfect; it's way better than what you one day imagined.

Chan can't miss the chance to make you sit on his lap, so now your head rests over his chest. Your fingers fidgeting the hem of his hoodie and shyly longing to intertwine your hands.

"Hey, Y/N?" He grabs your attention and smiles. "Are you a parking ticket?"

You raise an eyebrow, "Why?"

"Because you've got fine written all over you." He ends up with a muffled laughter.

"Oh no, what did I just get myself into?" You joke around, this time finally making him burst into a louder laughter. "You just declared war on me about pickup lines, you know?"

"Oh, so you got some lines, too? Can't wait to hear all of them, then."

And for the rest of the day you let yourself be held in between the arms of the person you loved the most. Later you'd find the way to flirt with him and make him feel flustered when he least expects it.

[666writingcafe]

Mammon and MC Talk About Dreams

"While we're alone, there's something I like to discuss," I tell Mammon.

"I swear, if you've come up with a list of orders for me to complete, I ain't interested!" Mammon exclaims.

"It's nothing like that. I was actually going to ask for some guidance. Given that you're the Great Mammon, you might be able to help me figure some things out." That got his attention. Excellent.

"Well, I suppose I can lend an ear for a few minutes. What's up?"

"I've been having this recurring dream."

"Go on...I have to have more to work with here!"

"I'm in a void, and there's a voice beckoning me to come towards it. As I walk towards it, there's this white light that starts to take over the void."

"Okay...sounds really creepy, especially for a human."

"Here's the really creepy thing: there's been a couple of times when the light almost enveloped the void, but before it did, I was woken up. When I came to, I discovered that I was standing in front of a staircase, and Lucifer was standing in front of me both times."

"You are right. That's downright terrifying. What does he have to say about it?"

"He definitely thinks that something's luring me to the stairs, but I have no idea what that might be."

"And I'm guessing you would like to know if I know what that something might be?" I nod my head.

"Well, the only stairs I know of are the ones leading up to the attic, and..." Mammon trails off, and his eyes widen.

"Don't tell me you've actually gone up those stairs!" I vigorously shake my head.

"Lucifer's stopped me before I could even get on the first step," I answer. "Why, is there something dangerous up there?"

"Do you know the secret to getting people to tell you stuff?" Mammon abruptly asks. "Go ahead, tell me."

"You didn't answer my question."

"The pact goes both ways, MC. So, answer my question." Sure enough, the words rush out of my mouth as if they were summoned by Mammon himself.

"If it's you we're talking about, then it's money, but--"

"EXACTLY! Now that's what I'm talkin' about! I guess you do get it! If ya wanna pry valuable information outta someone, you've got to offer 'em proper compensation!" Mammon pauses for a brief moment, then adds,

"Although, if you think you can just offer me a little bit of money and I'll spill the beans, you're dead wrong. I mean, pretend I told you somethin' I shouldn't. Lucifer would beat me half to death. Actually, I'd be lucky if that's all he did. If I weren't lucky, he'd have me eliminated. It'd take a good two hundred million years to recover from that."

"Don't worry about it, then--" I start to tell Mammon. I may not like him a whole lot, but I certainly wouldn't want Lucifer to eliminate him over something I did. That doesn't seem very fair to me.

"Still, if you're bound and determined to buy this information off me..." Mammon didn't hear a single word I said just now. That bastard.

"Look, I said--"

"You'll have to offer me, let's see...how about the monetary equivalent of the world's total oil production? Two hundred million years' worth. That might do it."

"First of all, you know that sort of money is impossible for someone like me to get," I reply. "Second of all, if you would let me talk, I would have told you that you didn't have to worry about answering my question. If you're not allowed to tell me, then that's fine. I don't want you to get in trouble with Lucifer--"

"Do you honestly think that I'm actually afraid of Lucifer?! Me, the Avatar of Greed?" If he interrupts me one more time, I'm going to slap him. I don't care what the repercussions are at this point; I'm tired of not being able to complete a goddamn sentence.

"I'm not the least bit afraid of him, got it?" Mammon continues. "Not even a little!"

"I didn't say you were. Although..."

"What?" This better work, because what I'm about to do is very risky and could get me killed if he doesn't take this well.

"Be honest with me, Mammon. There must be some part of you that's a little scared of Lucifer. Otherwise, you wouldn't have assumed that I thought that you were and then adamantly defend yourself."

"I told you, I'm not! I mean, that's crazy! Listen now, most of the time, I don't let people see the full extent of my power! What I'm sayin' is that even if I did face off against someone like Lucifer, I wouldn't even have to use all of my strength to win! Understand?!"

"Alright. So, if that's the case, then tell me if there's something dangerous stored in the attic that Lucifer's trying to protect me from."

"Unfortunately, I don't know." The look on my face must have scared Mammon, for he immediately adds,

"Lucifer hasn't told me that information. All I know is that he's done something to block the way, and if you want to find out what's up there for yourself, then you need to do something to get rid of him. Well, guess what?"

"What?" I'm getting tired of Mammon beating around the bush like this. Why can't he just be straightforward with me?

"Distracting Lucifer is easy as pie! Listen up, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once!"

"Got it."

"You know that series Levi likes? What was it called...um, The Tale of the Seven...Seven..."

"Lords."

"Right, yeah. That's the one. Anyway, you need to get your hands on a vinyl edition copy of the soundtrack for that Tale of the Seven whatsawhosit."

"Lords." I can see why someone like Lucifer might punish Mammon frequently.

"If you have that, you can use it to distract Lucifer no problem! Don't ask why, 'cause I've got no idea why Lucifer's interested in somethin' like that either. But if you wanna see what's at the top of those stairs, you're gonna have to start by gettin' your hands on that soundtrack."

"Help me do it," I tell him.

"Why should I help you? If ya want the soundtrack, then go find Levi and work it out with him yourself."

"Or, you can come with me, and we can talk to him together."

[sinditia]

hello friends! so uh for context i had a bit of a panic attack earlier today. i'm fine now, just trying to find my equilibrium. and to distract myself from the residual chest tightness and all that stuff i'm kinda wanting to ramble about my current hyperfixation which is fragrances. they really are something that makes me happy but i'll do that under the cut to avoid clutter. but uh, feel free to read (its gonna be a little incoherent and all over the place though), interact and all that if you're into it too. god knows i need the distraction and i'd love to talk about this stuff with people. anyways.

idk whether to curse The Perfume Guy on youtube or not because he's singlehandedly convinced me to add like half a dozen perfumes to my to-buy list. i've been trying to slow down my spending a little bc i've already accumulated quite a collection already during last year's black friday. so rn i think i'll try to limit myself to buying one bottle a month unless there's like a big sale on then i might do a haul.

but yeah men's fragrances are where it's at right now with me (super not into the whole gendered marketing of fragrance though). particularly looking for things with notes of vetiver, oud, amber, etc. i bought a shit-ton of samplers from tom ford and jo malone and while my nose is still very much an amateur, i think i have a pretty good idea of what i like and don't like.

scent is such an interesting thing though like. for me it's easy to figure out what i like. but when it comes to things i dislike, it's not so much about "oh, i don't like so-and-so notes" but more like, "i don't like this unless it's paired up with this." it's not as simple as having a particular note/accord that you like because it's almost always a combination of things and how they work together.

like for instance, i fuckin love perfumes with a citrus top and woody base. but i don't like it if the woods are something sharp like oakmoss or patchouli, unless it's also balanced out with an earthier type wood like vetiver or oud or sandalwood or something. or rose notes. i don't like rose scents in itself or paired up with fruits or other florals. but rose with something like oud is fuckin amazing.

and about oud. apparently according to The Perfume Guy, the ouds i have are like "western" ouds that are kind of, smoother and richer or something. and that there's also the less "synthetic"(?) ouds that are more musky and animalic? apparently these types of ouds can be found in middle eastern fragrances but idk where to start even looking for them. i'm super-intrigued because i enjoy oud a lot and i do have an appreciation for animalic accords though it might not be something i wanna use everyday.

and that's another thing i love about fragrances. there are some scents that smell wonderful and i love wearing it and it's just super pleasant to go about your day and catch a whiff of it now and then. but then there are those InterestingTM scents, where it's like. it's an experience. like fancy food at an expensive restaurant. like it's delicious. it's great to have once in a while. but not really something you'd have everyday because it'd be too rich and wouldn't settle well in your stomach. some perfumes are like that and for those i'm happy to have like a 10ml bottle bc while i love smelling it, i don't necessarily love wearing it, if that makes sense.

because like. i don't just wear fragrances, like to go out. every evening after i do my skincare and massage my face and wind down for the day, i just like to sit at my vanity and smell stuff. it makes me happy. something about that sensory stimulation is very calming to me. and i always wear perfume to bed because i like drifting off to sleep while breathing in an interesting scent.

anywayss. yes this is somewhat of an aimless, unstructured babble but i just really love fragrances ok lol. just this couple of minutes of typing this down has helped a lot in kind of. idk. its just filling my head with happy things. i've had a bit of a weird day and this is my coping mechanism.

[themadauthorshatter]

Do you guys know what could've been kind of interesting to see in SGE? More specifically, the first book? Tedros realizing he has some possible feelings for Agatha while still thinking he's in love with Sophie.

Think of it like this:

Tedros trying to be closer with Sophie, i.e. trying to talk about his life back in Camelot, any frustrations he's having in his classes or with his friends, or even just wanting to know more about HER, but Sophie only hugs his arm, rests her head on his shoulder, or simply holds his hand and tells him she loves him.

Upon seeing this, his mind and eyes drift to Agatha, who is doing something like getting some homework done early or practicing some magic. Maybe he sees Kiko and Agatha together and Kiko is complaining about accidentally dying her hair green and making it all spiky, so Agatha waves a glowimg finger and fixes it right up for her, explaining to Kiko, who wanted blonde hair, that she's beautiful with her dark hair and Tristan is an idiot if he doesn't see that; not a very "Agatha" line, but I imagine she'd be tired of seeing and hearing Kiko cry and is genuine in her words because Kiko's nice to her and a pretty decent friend.

Maybe a challenge happens where people from the opposite side partner with each other and Tedros OBVIOUSLY partners with Sophie.

Agatha, however, doesn't get a chamce to think before Hester and Anadil equally take a step forward-

AND HORT CRASHES INTO AGATHA INSTEAD-He wants to get Sophie back for using him, and Hester is not taking her away from him.

Even with a possible concussion, Agatha and Hort do well, the challenge being getting across a deep and raging river by walking across a log or something, I'm not good at making up challenges for fairytales.

Because she's in heels and doesn't want to ruin her makeup, Sophie crawls across the log rather than walks, which makes Tedros have to slow down and wait for her.

I should probably mention that this log is close to the water and is cracking beneath them, so THEY NEED TO GTFO the log.

Tedros knows this, but doesn't want to leave Sophie(both because they'll get points taking away for leaving their partner and he's still pretty sure he loves her).

Chekhov's gun fires. The log breaks and both Sophie and Tedros fall in and are swept away beneath the surface.

Agatha follows with most of the students and Yuba following.

Because she's a smart person, can swin, and doesn't care about her looks, unlike many of the other students, Agatha recruits Chaddick, because he's strong, and Anadil, with she has rats, which are CRAZY intelligent, and they find another dead tree or a vine or something to put over the river, thin enough for Sophie and Tedros to grab, but thick enough that it won't break. Anadil kicks her maguc into overdrive and grows her rats to be the size of pitbulls, and Chaddick and Agatha use them to get to Tedros and Sophie out of the river before the tree or vine snaps.

I'm sorry for making Anadil OP, but she's exhausted when her rats are back to their normal sizes, too tired to even stand up as she glares at Agatha and tells her, "That is the last time I'm helping you."

Tedros storms back to the Evers with Sophie trailing behind him, begging for him to listen as she apologizes.

Under water, she had flailed and held Tedros down as he tried to get above the surface, which almost made them both drown.

He doesn't talk to her at lunch, but does notice Chaddick awkwardly commending Agatha for her quick thinking. By awkward, I mean it's almost painful to watch him find the right words to thank this "witch" for helping to save his best friend.

Again, this is an awkward exchange and it takes a few minutes for Agath to understand Chaddick and not get offended.

Tedros thinks on this and considers all the "connection" moments he's had like the goblin challenge where he mistook Agatha for Sophie and when he picked Agatha's coffin.

Sophie notices him staring and asks if everything's alright and why he isn't paying attention to her; water on the brain.

He shrugs, smiles, and says it's nothing, which makes Sophie smile and go back to talkimg, Tedros inconspicuously watching Agatha cackle her giddy ass off when Beatrix accidentally falls in mud while trying to approach Tedros in glass slippers. Kiko laughs behind her hand, but is close to tears. Agatha does magic her clean, but Beatrix still pouts and gets a little mad, even if the squeal she did was nothing short of hilarious.

Trial By Tale happens, events and all, but Tedros doesn't instantly break up with Sophie. He keeps his distance instead.

One night, after he's won and hasn't spoken a word to Sophie or sat near her at lunch, eating in his room instead to avoid her and because he's still a little injured, he is awake and can't sleep, so he wanders the quiet school halls, watching snow fall and reminiscing about home and how his school year's been, maybe even having a made up conversation with his father about what's happened.

HOW COINCIDENTAL THAT AGATHA IS ALSO OUT OF HER ROOM AND LEANING AGAINST A LEDGE TO ALSO WATCH THE SNOW.

This is the conversation between them that follows:

(Agatha turns to look at him with annoyed eyes)"... Here to call me a witch again?"

"Well, as long as you don't punch me again, I won't."

(Narrows her eyes a little mire before turning back to the snow.) "Why are you out here?"

(Tedros leans against the wall facing her and tips his head back, watching the snow.) "Can't sleep. Hester's demon got me better than I thought." (Chuckle) "I still have a bruise on my side from the thing."

(Agatha gulps as she remembers how it broke into pieces and attacked him, but says nothing.)

"How about you? Does the witch have you doing her work for her again?"

(Agatha gasps, surprised by the jab to her friend and at how he figured it out. Tedros's face is mostly expressionless, though he does raise an eyebrow as if to say, 'Go 'head. Prove me wrong.' She relaxes again and shakes her head.) "My room doesn't have a good view of the trees. I bet it's snowing in Gavaldon, too. Harder than it is here, maybe."

"Gavaldon?"

"My village. Where Sophie and I came from. Our home."

(Tedros laughs) "I'm sorry, how long have you two been friends for?"

"Long enough. What about you? What brings the prince of Camelot out to watch the first snow of winter?"

(Tedros's smile drops as he returns his gaze to outside.) "Like I said. I couldn't sleep."

"Why are you REALLY out here?"

(Tedros is silent for a few seconds, biting his lip because he's obviously uncomfortable.) "... Your village. Gavaldon. Do you... miss it?"

(After another second of silence, Agatha responds.) "A little bit. We were better friends there, at least. And I miss my cat."

(Tedros humms quietly as he gives a slight nod, biting back a 'witch' comment.)

"I guess you're used to the attention. Being the prince and all."

(Tedros shrugs and scratches the back of his neck.) "Sort of. Not really. No one ever followed me around like Beatrix. Could you see a maid being on my tail like SHE does?"

(Agatha can't help but laugh, Tedros chucklong with her before his smile drops.)

"I don't know. I mean..." (He leans on the ledge.) "I like being with my mates and all, but... it gets annoying when there's always a couple of girls giggling at you behind the corner. I miss my room, too. And the library. And the court yard. And the garden. And the field."

(His voice breaks at that last one, but Agatha doesn't bring it up. Instead, it's her turn to talk about home.)

"I miss my mom. We didn't really get along, but she's my family, Reaper, too."

"You named your cat Reaper?"

"He took care of our rat and bird problem. You'd be surprised at how many blue jays come to a cemetery." (Agatha's smile drops.) "I miss that, too, the cemetery. It was quiet. And just reading fairytales in my room instead of studying to BE in one."

(Tedros nods at that, no joke or quip.) "It's all fun until you learn how dangerous it all really is." (He is silent for a second, gulping and running his hand through his hair.) "Thanks, by the way."

(Agatha turns to him, playing coy because she's not used to the Evers ACTUALLY being nice to her, save for Kiko.) "For what?"

"The Trial. Saving me. I don't think I'd be here, if you didn't."

(Agatha blushes and looks at her hands.) "No... No problem. I mean... Well... I guess that..."

(Tedros smiles and slips some hair behind her ear and kisses her hand.) "'You're welcome, Tedros. I hope you can repay me, somehow, Tedros.'"

(Agatha almost tells him to forgive Sophie, but instead says something else.) "Can you talk to Sophie? She's sorry about what happened and she really does love you."

(Tedros frowns.) "Love isn't pulling someone down with you when you're under water. And neither is leaving your teammate to fight alone."

"You said you wanted to repay me, this is how. Do you really want to be indebted to a witch?"

(Tedros reluctantly nods.) "Fine. I'll talk to her."

"Thank you."

(Agatha turns and walks back to her room, but Tedros only watches her leave, speaking when she's out of ear shot.) "I don't think you're a witch."

I feel like I could add more, but this will be enough for now.

I hope you guys enjoyed, sorry if this came off as fanfiction-y or any of the characters were a little OP, magic or otherwise. And like I said in my progress post, this is just what I would have done to have Tedros and Agatha fall in love, or start falling in love

Either way, I hope you enjoyed this

Incase you're interested, here's a link to part 2: https://themadauthorshatter.tumblr.com/post/642332442965983232/im-bored-im-continuing-with-that-tagatha

[a-mended-pact]

Unsteady Keys: Chapter 9

A/n: Hey everyone. I hope you're all doing well. I'm pretty proud of this chapter. Please let me know what you think.

Warnings: this chapter does contain flashbacks, mentions of slightly toxic relationships. Mentions of Spencer's mom. Panic attacks. If there are anything more to add let me know

Requests are open

Word count : 3,024

It's been a couple of hours since we've gotten to work. I couldn't find Spencer anywhere. I needed to tell him that there was a lead on Lindsey due to Simmons giving Ethan a cognitive interview. I had called him a handful of times and gotten no answer.  Which is weird but with everything that's happened he has every right to have some alone time. I was still trying to call him when I found him in Morgan's old office. I don't know why I checked the cafeteria and the break room first. I felt myself facepalm as I looked around the room. 

He was in a daze and hadn't even noticed my presence until I moved myself into the floor across from him. I leaned against the desk for support as I looked up at him. He glanced at me and then looked away. The hand he was using to prop his head up seemed to tense. 

'You smell like mint and your cologne.' I said it with a small amount of amusement.  I knew he would change. It didn't bother me if anything. I'm surprised he even went to work with the smell of my essence laced into his skin and his breath. He nodded to acknowledge what I had said. 

'Love? Is everything alright?' He looked at me then and held my gaze. 'I know I said I'd talk to Ethan too but I can't seem to bring myself to. Seeing him for longer than a couple of hours has me remembering things with him so intensely.' 

A soft comforting smile formed on my face as I gently grabbed the hand that rested on his knee and squeezed. 'There's a lead on Lindsey.  I was going to leave with the rest of the team to go check it out. If you wanna stay here I can tell Em. Maybe you can get something more from Ethan. Then Matt did. ' I kissed his forehead gently.

Just like that. I left him to his own devices letting him figure everything out for himself.  I was gonna need to tell Em he wasn't coming.

-------------

I walked into the interrogation room with Ethan and undid his handcuffs immediately.  I didn't like seeing him like an unsub. So until further evidence came about I wasn't going to treat him as such. 

'You look like you've seen a ghost Reid.  What's wrong?' I looked at him as I stood against the wall. 'Did- did you?- ' I found myself stuttering and searching for words. My hands moved about as if I were trying to grasp each word that flew around my mind until it formed a sentence. How do you speak to someone that you haven't spoken to in years? Not in depth anyway. 

'You're a big hot shot Mr. FBI. Married, professor most likely with a couple books published or at least articles and yet you are still just the same man I adored back then.' He spoke with care and love in his voice as he watched my face blanch at what he said.

If it wasn't for the fact he has seen me this way before I would have been far more embarrassed then I was. My mouth was still opening and closing and my hands had finally stopped. 'Did you? Was it you? I- was it you that hurt me? With the blade?' 

I had finally managed to collect my words and form a complete sentence even if it was laced with fear and sorrow. I was terrified he'd say yes. I was even more petrified if he said no. If he hadn't done it then I'd have nothing to hold against him. 

There was no way I could remain upset about something that happened in college and it wouldn't make me seem like an upset child. I hadn't bothered to meet Ethan's eyes. I was honestly too afraid of what he'd see residing in my own. 

I didn't hear him move and I didn't notice how close he got until he spoke. Making me jump and look out of the two way glass. This was a bad idea. I need to get out of here. I feel like the room is shrinking. 

Ethan cupped my face and forced me to look at him. The fact that this was being recorded made me even more nervous. What if the rest of the team found out what happened between us.

I finally met his gaze. I knew my eyes probably reminded him of the first time he ever hurt me. This time had nothing to do with the kiss I walked in on years ago.

'Spencer.' As he spoke his thumb traced my jaw. 'I would never. I could never hurt you.' I laughed bitterly and flinched when his thumb met the side of my lips. 'This was a mistake. I - I need some fresh air'. I quickly rushed out, locking the door behind me. 

I blew out a breath I didn't realize I was holding within my lungs as I felt my breathing start to quicken. I made my way to the roof of the building that no one really used. I slid down the door as I made it fully outside.  

I watched as the sun began to set. The sky turned different colors until emerging me in full darkness besides for the buildings lights I closed my eyes. Why do I feel like a young adult all over again? Why am I letting him get under my skin? The worst part was that he isn't even trying to make me feel like this.

One minute I was on the rooftop the next I was in the band room of our college laying on the ground with my head resting on Ethan's jacket as he played the piano.

'I could fall asleep to the sound of you playing. You know.' I said as each key played from his fingertips. His cologne was all over me because we may or may not have been making out on the floor before I scolded him that he needed to practice. He had a big concert event coming up. 

'I could think of better things to do in here than you falling asleep.' His voice was teasing, making me blush.  It had only been a few weeks since our first actual time together and in all honesty it made me nervous just thinking about it. Ethan seemed to want to sleep together constantly.  Which is fine. I loved having sex with him but sex was never something I thought I'd experience so I'd much rather be reading or learning something new.

Just the other day we got into an argument because I turned him down. 

I was sitting in a lecture with the man that created the Behavioral Analysis Unit. The BAU for short. At the time, I didn't want to get laid. I wanted to learn more about how learning to understand a serial killer could help catch them. I was deeply intrigued and asked many questions as the lecture hall went on.

'You know you did ditch me for some cop I don't see why now would be a bad time to make up for it?

'A federal Agent is hardly a cop and if you can't remember his job at least remember his name. Jason Gideon.'

Ethan scoffed in small annoyance as he continued to play. Only this time the sound of the piano sounded like chase music. I felt like it should play in Tom and Jerry. 

'You can't seriously be upset with me about that?' I said trying to sound calm and collected in reality I was upset. I originally went to college to learn all the things needed to be someone that taught others. I had been debating on changing my career path for sometime now and I think I finally found it. 

'I think I wanna try to join the BAU. Gideon already told me with how interested I was in the lecture and with how smart I am. I'd make a great addition to the team.'

He smashed his fingers on the piano and groaned. 'Reid we already planned our future together. Do you really wanna give that up to join the FBI?' The way he looked at me was as if I had broken his heart. It's not that I had forgotten our plans after college. The only problem was that I used to be able to see that future and now I couldn't. 

Since the class with Gideon and all the research I've done. Working for the FBI just made sense. It would cover everything for my mother's doctor's and Care facility. Plus being able to keep a great roof over my head and food in my belly. I suppose to Ethan not living life on the edge was boring.

I shook my head to escape the memory.  Out of all the ones to have right now, why did that one resurface? My head fell in my hands as I combed my hair out of my face. My phone went off with a text from Y/n. 

'Hey, so we found her abandoned hideout but it looks like she hasn't been here in a bit. I don't know if you've gone to see him or not but I figured you could maybe get more info? If you're feeling up to it of course. Otherwise he made a bond with Matt. He can try again when we get back.'

I sighed. I wasn't in the mood to see him again. I thought I could separate my feelings towards him from this case and I know I'm not doing it. Perhaps I should step back from this case. I should talk to Emily. I know I'd still have to deal with Cat ever so often but otherwise she was my wife's problem now. I slipped my phone back in my pocket and closed my eyes. Everything just seemed like too much right now. 

'Seriously we are not doing this right now Ethan?' I was putting back on my clothes.  Situating my hair as well. 'You are not going to make me late. I refuse to miss seeing my mother again because you can't not want to sleep with me when we are alone.'

I walked around him as I grabbed my bag to take with me to go see my mom. It held some overnight clothes. I had missed the last time they were going to allow me to stay. All because I gave in to Ethan's advances to make him happy. I loved him and when we weren't bickering things were fabulous. After a year of it though it's exhausting. 

He caught me by my hips and pulled me to him. I swatted his hands away. He may not have wanted anything from me but a proper goodbye but I didn't want to give him the chance. I had already prepared myself mentally for the arguing that was gonna come from me turning him down. Me leaving him alone for long periods of time made me nervous.  

He'd never done anything to make me anxious about leaving him. He'd only go to bars and play and have a couple of drinks with other musicians.  I had accompanied him plenty of times. Nothing ever happened besides musicians talking about anything and everything underneath the shitty neon lights of the bar.

'Tell your mom I said hi and that I hope she's doing well. Also tell her I'm sorry I kept you away last time. I don't know what came over me. ' He cupped my face and went to kiss me but I turned my head slightly.  Again. I'm not taking any chances. I'd happily lose anyone or anything as long as I still had my mom.  He ended up kissing my cheek. 

A sigh escaped him as he let me go. 'I'll see you when you get back. Yeah?' I nodded and smiled at him as I headed toward the door.

'Wait, Reid. I'll be going out tonight to play. I'll message you when I arrive and when I leave. I know how you worry. Tell me when you make it to your mom's.  I love you. ' I smiled as I ran off to see my mom.

A groan escaped me. Why? I'm so sick of these memories coming up. I looked around the roof and let out another sigh. I really need to let what happens next go. Yet before I could stop my brain it quickly wraps me and surrounds me in the memory and as it unfolds like a movie before my very eyes. I kept my vision from blurring from the unleashed tears. 

Time with my mom had gone by well from when I got there until now.  She started having a violent episode one that if I had stayed would have ended in her calling me crash again.  I'd never tell her she'd hit me. I just wanted comfort. So I came home early. Well to a place Ethan and I were renting together. I hadn't told him I was on my way home.  So when I came home to an empty place I wasn't surprised. I quickly dropped off my things and ran to where I figured he'd be.  The bar with his friends. It was rare anyone would be there right now actually drinking; they should just be setting their instruments.

Only when I came in I found Ethan behind stage with a girl's tongue shoved down his throat. There clothes slightly askew He pushed her away when he realized I was there. 'Spencer this isn't what It looks like!' 

I just stood there frozen. I couldn't form a word, I could barely comprehend what I saw.  When he stepped towards me. I turned away and just walked away. I felt like my heart had just been stomped into the ground after being clawed at unintentionally by my mother. I was broken. 

That night I got multiple calls and texts from Ethan. I ignored them all. I ended up sleeping on a campus bench. Comfy truly.  

I never fully spoke to Ethan after that day.  Things with my mom got chaotic and I didn't have the time to focus on anything but getting my PhD and taking care of my mom. As long as I was busy I couldn't blame myself that I was too afraid to face Ethan.  He broke my heart and I didn't even give him the opportunity to even try to explain himself.

That was ages ago though so why am I still thinking about it. Why won't my brain just shut up. I need to get back Inside. Maybe the team is back by now. 

------------

Having to find Spencer recently was starting to become a habit. I looked everywhere for him everywhere besides outside. I finally found him walking in from the stairway that led to the roof.

'Hey.' I gave him a small wave and what I hoped was a reassuring smile. This case was getting to him for obvious reasons. He honestly hasn't looked this distraught since after he came back from prison. 

His eyes widened slightly. 'Good you're all back already then?' I nodded. My eyes didn't want to leave him. I knew something had happened. I just didn't know what. Pushing him was never something I had done and I wasn't gonna start now. Maybe I'll just bring it up a little to see if he decides to tell me. If not then it can wait until he sorts out his mind.

'So we didn't find Lindsey.  We did find a couple of things though. Photos of you in Mexico. Photos of you even in the prison yard. Among others of max and you and us together.  Lindsey appears to be stalking us. Maybe it was something Cat asked her to do.  Or maybe Ethan was the one taking some of the photos.' I looked away and was staring at my hands as my brain started putting small pieces together. Theories really.

Spencer grabbed my hand gently and brought it up so I'd follow it with my eyes. 'I am actually debating on taking a step back from this case. I was gonna tell Emily and see what she thought.' The smile he gave me didn't reach his eyes. 

'Let's be honest it's probably for the best that I do. I know too much and I am far too involved, especially with Cat and Ethan both being a part of this. It's just more than I think I can handle. I could be wrong. Maybe I just need a day to breathe. I'll have to figure that out though.'

He placed my hand on his face and all I could do was rub my thumb across his jaw. I let out a small laugh suddenly. Which surprised him. 'I'm sorry it's not funny! I just kept thinking that If I pushed hard enough on your jawline would it cut me?' It was a terrible time for me to not be able to keep things to myself.  He needed me serious, right?

A laugh bellowed out of him and I could see some of the stress and pain he was carrying with him lift a little. I myself smiled too when he pulled me into his chest. 'Oh how I love you and your random thoughts.' He moved his hand to cup my cheek and leaned in as if he were gonna kiss me. 

One of our arrangements when we started dating was no PDA in the workplace if any, keep it always at a minimum. With what he was doing it was making me question if he was about to break that small rule. Not that I minded if he did or not though. 

He stroked my cheek and smiled at me as he pecked the tip of my nose and walked away.

I couldn't help but scrunch up my nose the way a bunny would. It tickled. A smile formed on my face as I watched him leave.

Taglist:

@sassymoon @rainsong01 @onlyhereforthefanfics @itsdars @dreatine

[shsl-fluff]

Hey! I know you haven't done my next request yet but as a draft or request for when you get all the rest of your requests finished up, could I also have shsl fem baker s/o with the drv3 boys? y'know.. that one I requested with the sdr2 boys? I'd just like to know what you think she'd be like for V3 boys! I'm sorry for bothering you! no rush here! ☺️💕👉🏻👈🏻

Gonta Gokuhara

You two met after school when you were walking home. 

He was standing frozen still near the school's courtyard. It was almost hard to see him with his dark green hair blending in with the trees. 

Interested, you walked over to him. "What are you-"

He glanced at you, grinning. Cupped in his hand was a beautiful large butterfly. 

You both stared in awe at the butterfly for at least a minute, until it flew out of his hands. 

He suddenly grinned widely at you. "Thank you!" He said, his voice wasn't one you expected to come from such a large figure. 

"For staying quiet and not running away from me and-" he paused suddenly and stood up straight and tall, brushing his suit nervously

"Gontas name is Gonta Gokuhara" he smiled

You introduced yourself after, and told him what your ultimate was

His eyes lit up brightly. "Ultimate baker? Gonta is ultimate entomologist! Ultimate baker sounds nice!" 

You both talked for a while about your talents, but looped back to bugs a lot. 

You didn't mind, of course! He was ecstatic to share his interests. 

"Do you think you could teach Gonta how to cook and bake?" He asked suddenly, eyes wide. "Gonta wants to be a gentleman, and gentlemen are good at cooking!" 

You accepted his offer gratefully.

Almost every day you would both spend time together after school. You would walk to your home together, and point out all the bugs that passed by, and then at home you would teach him how to cook or bake something new. 

It took him a while to get the hang of the basics, but he was very determined. 

One day before school, he gave you something joyfully. 

"(Y/N)! Gonta made this for you!" He said quickly and handed you a cupcake

It was sloppily decorated with yellow and black frosting. It was a little bumblebee! 

You thanked him gladly. 

He was bashful as he smiled widely at you. "Gonta made it because he wants to thank you!" He said. 

"A-and, because…" he went deep pink, nervously grabbing a piece of folded up and crumbled paper from his pocket and handing it to you. 

"(Y/N), you are kind like a ladybug, and sweet like a cupcake! You help Gonta learn to be gentlemen! Gonta thinks you are pretty like a monarch butterfly" there were a lot of scribbled out words past that point. At the bottom in small writing "Gonta thinks you are a pretty lady"

Your heart warmed as he mumbled, "is it gentlemanly to give a pretty lady a hug?" 

You nodded before he pulled you into a shockingly tight embrace. 

Kiibo (K1-B0)

On the first day of school, you brought a giant tray full of cupcakes for your homeroom

You placed two on every desk and saw most of them eaten quickly. A few people only had one, but you didn't mind, they probably weren't hungry was all. 

One classmate was the exception. He pushed them both over to the corner of his desk nervously and then gave them back to you at the end of class. 

"Here… I'm sorry, but i don't eat. I'm K1-B0, the ultimate Robot, but… Call me Kiibo!"

You apologized for the mix up

"Oh no it's alright! I like being treated like a human" he said softly.

After school that day, you noticed him being kicked around by a few kids in the halls. They were both screaming at eachother about God knows what

You heard a lot of screams about a fake talent, and a lot of threats about a lawsuit.

Kiibo was the one who ended up backing down. He ran out of the building with you following behind. 

You finally caught up to him, kicking and hitting a large tree on the campus as it shook violently.

His face was red and he was sobbing. 

You stopped him before he totally destroyed the tree. "Hey, Kiibo?" You called out. 

He turned around and looked at you. 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He nodded silently as you say down and patted the ground next to you. 

He let his frustrations out to you. How he constantly felt like he had something to prove to everyone, even as an ultimate. 

How he didn't even know if he could feel. Was it all fake? A combination of ones and zeros?

He didn't know. 

After that, you guys had become close, how could he not have after spilling all his secrets to you?

A few months into the school year, he came to you with a question. 

"Hey, (Y/N)?" He asked quietly. "What is love like?"

"What's love like? Well… I don't know how to explain it, Kiibo…" you mumbled softly. 

"Can I… hold your hand?"

You nodded and reached your hand out to him

He was deep red as he took your hand. 

"I like this, (Y/N). I think I do know how love feels."

Kaito Momota

The power couple of the school 

He tries to convince you to work out with him all the time, but if you get tired easily it's fine!

Even though he works out all the time, he definitely doesn't eat healthy. 

Loves all your sweets to the moon and back. 

You two love movie night together, and have it at least once a week. 

He picks a lot of animated movies, and has definitely found some gems 

He's super strong. Definitely not the strongest student at Hopes Peak, or even in your class, but still strong compared to the average teenager. 

When he hugs you he spins around and picks you up. 

He's very much a touchy person. Not in an inappropriate way, but in a cuddle-y way

If you're fine with PDA he definitely holds your hand in public and give you kisses.

He honestly prefers forehead or cheek kisses more than kisses on the lips, but doesn't really matter either way. 

He tries to make for you sometimes but this poor guy doesn't realize how important measurements can be. 

"Vanilla tastes good, so I can add 4 teaspoons instead of one, right?"

No, no you can't. 

He's trying his best.

He's a big sweetheart. 

Kokichi Ouma

You both have a lot of energy, but you both used it in vastly different ways.

You spent yours spending positivity, and he spent his spreading misteif. 

You meet when he was trying to convince you to make an orange flavored cupcake with toothpaste frosting.

He finally convinced you to make one, but only on the condition that he would eat it himself, and not trick anyone else into eating it.

Surprisingly, he agreed and ate it then and there, cringing but laughing the whole time. 

You sorta admired his ability to joke around durring every situation

You felt like he meant well, even though he pestered people sometimes

He started to hang around and pester you for a while. 

He was expecting to get a good reaction out of you, maybe you weren't really all that chipper and you'd snap and show your angry side?

But instead you just laughed along. 

You even started to appreciate his presence, and he started to appreciate yours.

When you found a letter in your locker asking to meet at a random building after school, you were sure it was some elaborate prank by Kokichi

When you saw him outside of the seemingly normal building, it seemed to confirm your suspicion. 

When he saw you he grinned widely and brought you inside the building

Instead of an office building, it was a large lair, as if from a cheesy superhero movie

"See? I told you I had an evil organization" Kokichi laughed as you looked around in awe. 

"Now, I have a question," he hummed. 

"Would you like to join me as leader? As the queen of D.I.C.E?" He held out his hand

You could tell he wasn't lying.

Korekiyo Shinguji

There were a lot of rumors around school about the new freshman. 

He looked rather intimidating, and hopes peak was known for having a number of strange people, so the rumors came naturally. 

Some said he was a killer, some of the more spiritual students claimed he was a demon. 

The rumors didn't phase you. 

One day during lunch you saw him sitting all alone absorbed in a large book and taking notes. He didn't have anything to eat.

You sat next to him and took out a cookie from your bag and offered it to him. 

"Oh, hello" he looked over at you. "Thank you, but I'm not one to eat in public" 

"Are you sure? You can still have it for later" you gave him the cookie. "It's pumpkin"

You could see his smile from his eyes as he thanked you. 

"Well, let me at least repay the favor to you. How about I tell you about my favorite fable?" 

You nodded and spent the lunch period listening to him talk about fables. 

He was excited to talk about his interests, even if he didn't show it. 

The bell rang. "Thank you for staying with me, my name is Korekiyo Shinguji. It's been a pleasure to talk with you" he said as he got up, grunting slightly as he lifted up his piles of books

He continued to be avoided by your classmates, so you continued to sit with him. 

Soon, you didn't sit with him because he looked lonely, but because you liked to spend time with him. 

You were the one who confessed to him, but he was the one who fell in love first.

One day after school, he looked over at you and pulled you behind the school where they were all alone

"(Y/N), please close your eyes. It'll be quick, I promise"

You smiled and did so. 

Kiyo quickly pulled down his mask and kissed your cheek softly, smiling. He pulled up his mask as you opened your eyes. 

"I love you, darling" he hummed softly.

Ryoma Hoshi

As soon as Ryoma met you at school, he started to push you away

He didn't say it to your face or anything that he didn't want to be around you, but he tried to make it clear enough. 

He would leave whenever you were around, or just ignore you. 

You had heard vaguely of his past through rumors, and it didn't phase you.

It was kinda strange… Why would he avoid you when you were the only person in school who didn't avoid him due to his past?

It was because of how nice you were. You sweet you were. You reminded him of her. 

Of the beautiful woman who did nothing wrong and he wasn't able to protect

After many weeks of avoiding, he finally let you in. 

You two had lunch together and just talked.

Talked about each other's interests. About some random show that was on TV recently. About current events. 

Just talked. 

After lunch that day he hid in the bathroom and cried pure joy. 

It was nice to not be avoided.

Even after spending a few months sitting with you everyday at lunch, he still barely opened up to you. 

With the end of the school year approaching, you both knew that he would be alone for a while. 

On the last day of school, he asked you to meet him at a local park. 

When you met up with him, he slowly started to let his feelings spill out of him.

About how he didn't want to lose you. About how you were the only person he had truly connected with since 'the incident' (he didn't elaborate, but you could assume it had to do with his incarceration). About how much you cared for him even though he had tried to push you away. About how alone he was without you. 

He cried softly as you pulled him into his arms. 

"(Y/N)" he whispered quietly between sobs

"Please, let me love you. Please let me be your boyfriend"

You nodded quietly and held him close.

Shuichi Saihara

You're both very different, so people never thought you'd get together. 

But actually, you balanced each other out well. 

You brought him out of his shell and he helped you appreciate some of the slower things in life. 

He hates PDA, but is very touch starved and likes cuddling with you when you're alone

Play with this mans hair please 

He cried the first time you cuddled him just because he didn't realize how much he'd love it 

He doesn't eat to much sweets, but adores yours. 

You guys watch old crime movies together, even though they have a lot of inaccuracies. 

Coffee dates 

He loves your bread he'd genuinely die for your bread. 

Please love your adorable goth boyfriend.

[spaceskam]

I'd love to see someone explore kyle being at the gay bar possibly hoping alex walks in? gone there bc of feelings for alex and wanting to explore it? have gone there with alex once and kept going back? has actually gone there ever since getting back to roswell but nobody noticed? idk so many possibilities but ending up with alex 😌

(i keep trying to add a read more and it refuses I hate it)

“You know, gay bars are supposed to be safe places, not places straight people go to for a museum experience.”

Kyle quickly looked up to Alex, eyes wide as he watched him walk towards him. In all the time he’d been coming here, he never actually expected to run into Alex here. Alex didn’t exactly seem the type to actually go out without being provoked to do so. It meant Kyle had to actually explain himself.

Which, you know, would’ve been easier if he knew how to.

“That’s... not what I’m doing,” Kyle said. Alex smirked more to himself than anyone else, sitting down at the table with his drink in hand. He looked more relaxed than Kyle was used to seeing him which immediately told him that absolutely was not his first drink.

“What are you doing then?” Alex asked, “Because I’ve been trying to figure out why the hell you’re in here for about thirty minutes now.”

Kyle huffed a laugh. “You’ve been watching me for thirty minutes?”

“I was trying to see what you would do if a guy came up to ask you to dance,” Alex told him, “Weirdly enough, no one did.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m anyone’s type around here,” Kyle laughed, shifting in his seat to try and hide the actual reason no one asked him to dance. There were only so many queer people in Roswell bold enough to go to a gay bar. Kyle had already been there enough times that anyone interested had already asked.

“Bullshit,” Alex said, shaking his head and looking way too hot doing it, “You just give off vibrant cishet vibes.”

Kyle tilted his head at his clearly very drunk friend. “That’s a new descriptor.”

“Yeah, I think it’s fitting.”

“I don’t know if I’d say that,” Kyle said, taking a sip of his own drink. If he was going to have to do this, he needed to catch up to Alex’s level of intoxication immediately. He ended up downing it before he looked back at Alex.

“Oh, shit, so you’re trying to get drunk to avoid to question,” Alex said, still smiling and laughing easily. It was weird seeing him so light. Kyle was kind of obsessed with it even if his presence was stressful. “Here, have mine.”

Kyle took it and drank it all, deciding he needed at least one more before he was at Alex’s level.

“How about this,” Alex said, leaning forward, “I buy you a drink and you dance with me.”

Kyle licked his lips and stared at him. All his visits here, all his experimenting, seemed to lead up to this moment. That was all training and dumb shit to test the waters and make sure he wasn’t a fool. This... this was the real deal. This was Alex, his friend and the guy who made him question anything in the first place. This was like fighting the big boss. This was the fucking Superbowl. 

“Why are you staring at me like a deer caught in headlights? You want a drink or no?” Alex asked, still smiling. Kyle blinked out of his daze and nodded.

“Yes, absolutely,” he agreed. Alex nodded and stood up, walking to the bar to get him another drink. Kyle took that moment to prepare himself, knowing that this was the night he was going to come out to Alex and it was going to be fucking awesome. Hopefully. Maybe. Fuck. 

Coming out was easier said than done. It was one thing to stroll into a gay bar for the first time with no confidence and be boosted up by a ballsy twink who gave him head before the end of the night. It was one thing to get comfortable with the idea of being with men and trying his own hand at new things with strangers in their cars. All of that was easy because he wasn’t even necessarily attracted to them, it was just a good way to experiment and they didn’t mind teaching him when he admitted that he was new to it all. It was something completely different to try and approach his friend who was so confident he was straight and say ‘hey, I might be in love with you in a gay way’. 

But Alex came over with a drink and kept looking at him like he was curious and Kyle tried to tell himself this was going to go his way.

“So, am I ever going to find out the real reason you’re here?” Alex said as Kyle tried to consume the drink as fast as he could so they could go dance, “It’s not to, like, creep on women who come here for other women, right? Because I might have to kick your ass for that.”

“No, that’s definitely not why,” Kyle said, pulling the straw out and just tilting the whole thing back. Alex shook his head.

“What the hell are you hiding, Valenti?” he asked, looking somewhere between amused and turned on and Kyle had exactly no idea how to handle that. Probably because there’s no way that’s what he was actually feeling.

“Let’s dance,” Kyle said, pushing himself to his feet and absorbing the slightly woozy feeling of the alcohol. 

“Yeah, let’s.”

Kyle avoided any looks the men he’d hooked up with before gave him as he pulled Alex onto the floor. They didn’t need to know anything and Alex definitely didn't need to get any ideas from them. He wanted to tell Alex himself. That was the goal.

Alex pulled him close, a challenging look in his eye as if he was just waiting for some type of line to be crossed. He grabbed his hand in one of his and put the other on his lower back, slow-dancing to the relatively fast-paced music. Kyle went along with every move.

“So, what’s the goal here?” Alex asked, leaning in close to speak. Kyle swallowed harshly at the feeling of his breath on his ear. Okay, so there was no time being wasted.

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you at a gay bar?” Alex asked again, “And why are you so okay with dancing with a gay guy? I’m trying to decipher your motives.”

“I’m not some straight guy trying to prove that I’m not a homophobe anymore if that’s what you mean,” Kyle told him, “I come here because I like the atmosphere.”

“What straight guy comes to a gay bar by himself?”

Kyle took a deep breath and focused on the alcohol in his system. Now or never.

“Why are you so sure I’m straight?”

Alex froze in his grasp before he leaned away from him, his eyebrows furrowed as he eyed him. Kyle stared back, unwavering and trying not to seem like a total loser. There was no way this was going to end the way he would’ve liked. 

“So... what do you mean by that?”

“I guess the word is bisexual?” Kyle said, “Or something. I’ve talked to a couple guys here and they agree that sounds right. I’m pretty sure my percentage is, like, 85% women, 15% men, or maybe even less towards men, but I’m still working it out, I just know it’s there on some level because when I look at you, I... Is that too much information?”

Alex was still staring at him like he’d grown another head. Kyle just waited and hoped he would be okay with that. He assumed he would be considering Alex didn’t seem to have a problem with Michael’s bisexuality. Except that confusion slowly slipped into something so close to betrayal that Kyle’s heart sank.

“Are you trying to say that you’re into me?” Alex asked. Kyle slowly nodded and Alex pulled away from him. “So, what, you’ve only been nice to me for the last year because you wanna fuck me?” Kyle’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head.

“What? No, oh my-”

Alex didn’t care to listen, shaking his head and quickly making a beeline for the exit. Kyle quickly followed him all while trying to follow Alex’s thought process. Of all the reactions he’d expected Alex to have at that moment, that wasn’t it.

“Alex! Wait, just talk to me!” Kyle called, following him to his car. “Just let me explain!”

“Explain what? That you’re just one of those people who is an asshole until you want something from me? Because that’s what I’m hearing. I thought you were my friend,” Alex said as he turned to face him. His face was red and Kyle didn’t know if it was the alcohol or the anger. 

“No, I swear to God, that’s not why I’m nice to you,” Kyle said, holding his hands up, “I didn’t even know I was into guys until, like, four months ago. Like I said, my percentage for liking men is extremely low. You just happen to be in that section and I didn’t realize until four months ago. You are my friend, I just... Wouldn’t mind also being more than that if you wanted.”

“Four months ago?” Alex repeated, eyeing him skeptically, “Like, four months ago as in that time my dad knocked us out and locked us in a small ass bunker together for 24 hours?” 

Kyle grimaced, still keeping his hands up by his head. “Guilty.”

“What the fuck about that day gave you a second sexual awakening? I-I was literally sweating the entire fucking time and covered in dried blood. I was gross.”

“What can I say? I guess I like when you’re gross?” Kyle said, trying to smile but it didn’t really work. Alex scoffed, shaking his head before raking his hands through his hair.

“I’m so confused,” Alex breathed, leaning against his car and covering his eyes. Kyle took a deep breath and tried to order his thoughts. He decided the best way to do it was just start from the beginning.

“Um, I think it was actually when we got out. I had to kinda help you walk and you were leaning on me and then, when we got in the backseat of Isobel’s car, you still leaned on me. You fell sleep on my shoulder and I, I was so scared that if I moved you’d wake up and get away from me. It took me a few hours after that to even realize that what I was feeling when you were leaning against me was sort of how I felt in high school with Liz,” Kyle explained. Alex peaked up at him through his hands. “It wasn’t sexual at first. I just... I kinda realized I loved you in a way I wasn’t supposed to.”

“At first?” Alex asked. Kyle shrugged.

“That I realized a little bit later when we were working on self-defense together. I definitely should’ve realized that earlier because I’ve had, like, x-rated dreams about you, but it never really clicked that that was something I would be legit interested in that until I saw you that day. Sweaty and shirtless and breathing really hard and pouring water over your chest like... Sorry,” Kyle said, rolling his shoulders back as he tried to get back on track, “But once I realized that, I realized I had no idea what to do about that. So I started coming here and, well, pretty much every single queer guy in Roswell is down for a meaningless fuck. I learned a lot, so...”

Alex dropped his hands, still looking semi-conflicted as he stared at him. Kyle waited patiently for him to say something. 

“You promise me you weren’t just using me?” Alex asked. Kyle nodded.

“I promise. I would never. And if you’re not interested, I promise we can just go back to acting like this never happened. It’s still early enough in my stupid crush that I can move on without issues if you say you’re not interested,” Kyle explained. Alex nodded slowly. “So, uh... are you? Interested?”

“I don’t know,” Alex huffed, “I’ve never thought about it.”

“Never?” Kyle asked. Alex gave him a look. 

“Not, like, since we were kids and I had, like, a dumb little kid crush on you. I kinda haven’t let myself think about it because you’re straight. Or, I thought you were.”

“If it helps, I thought I was too.”

Alex let out a soft laugh, looking at him with those eyes that reminded him why the hell he’d fallen for him in the first place. If only he’d been slightly less good looking or slightly less ridiculously caring and loyal and strong. But then he wouldn’t be Alex.

“Look, I don’t need an answer right now, I know I kinda put you on the spot,” Kyle said, “You can sleep on it or we can talk more or, fuck, you can shut me down right now. Whatever you want, Alex.”

Alex took a deep breath. “How about we go on a date?” Kyle blinked in surprise.

“For real?”

“Yeah,” Alex decided, “Take me out, woo me, see if it’s actually something we could do without it being weird.” Kyle nodded easily.

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“Okay. Then... it’s a date.”

“It’s a date.”

Kyle couldn’t help but smile at him, feeling giddy and already beginning to plan it in his mind. It was going to be fucking great and he was going to sweep him off his feet. Then he was going to put his new skills to use.

“But I think I need to go home now,” Alex said, huffing a laugh.

“Let me get you an uber or something, you’ve been drinking,” Kyle said, already pulling out his phone. Alex smiled and shook his head.

“What a gentleman.”

“That’s not even the beginning,” he said, “I’m going to sweep you off your feet.”

“Can’t wait.”

And, honestly, Kyle couldn’t either.

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

Dating Beverly Marsh Would Include...

Requested: [I'm sorry I can't remember who requested this or if this was an anon, I'm sorry!] Hey, could I request some headcanons about dating Beverly? (Also if you could add in the reader having homophobic parents 💕)

Warnings: obviously there will be homophobia, [at the end so people can skip if they need to read safely 😊] specifically from the readers parents so please feel free to skip if need be. And remember my blog is a safe space 💕 oh yeah theres also plenty of grammar/spelling errors i'm sure

A//n: This was WAY longer than I anticipated. I just kept coming up with more stuff and holy crap I love writing Bev x readers???? Please request more Bev Edit: this was in my drafts forever and again as much as i have been trying to get requests out in order, it's been pretty tough but at least this way stuff gets out sooner so here ya go.

Okay

First of all..

Y'all make the CUTEST COUPLE, OKAY?!

Like no joke

You know that cliche about girls stealing their boyfriends hoodies/clothes??

Well that goes for both of you and you both are always swapping clothes cause you both love each other's sense of style

Plus, ya know, it's got that great boyfriend girlfriend smell

It's cheesy and played out, but it's honestly so wholesome, and again, you guys each have an interest in each others senses of styles

If you're bigger than her, and her clothes don't necessarily fit you, pfffttt no big deal, she had a million blankets that smelled like her and then you two got together and now she can only find like,, two. But that doesn't mean she doesn't love stealing your clothes!! They're baggier on her but oH MY GOODNESS DOES SHE LOVE THAT. She just loves being able to completely immerse herself in your stuff. Especially when she isn't feeling safe in her own home and you aren't around, the best thing for her is to wrap herself in her your stuff and be comforted by you. Uggh, its hella sweet

But let's start from the beginning...

Both of you knew about each other from school

You definitely heard the many rumors about "Beaver-ly Marsh"

Not that you participated, but you were always overhearing rumors from gossiping girls and bragging boys in your class

Your school wasn't huge but it wasn't small either

But it was kill or be be killed, and rumors spread like the damn plague

It was inevitable

And it was just a matter of time before you overheard the several rumors of the "slut" who did it with every guy in school.

You'd roll you're eyes at the word and the ridiculous insinuations, knowing the massively overplayed game of telephone that ruled your school was not necessary the most credible source of information

And you were positive there were rumors about you, I mean, it really wasn't possible to go to that school without a rumor going around

Everyone had one

Anyways, you never paid much attention to them, but then you met her...

And oh no.

Immediately, it was:

You already never paid much mind to the rumors, but when you got to know each other??

Nuh uh.

No way

Not Beverly

No no no no, no

She was way too sweet, and shy, and beautiful, and awesome, and funny, annnd oh no the damn butterflies were back and shit she made you feel things

And you??

Bevery had no clue she was into girls until you came along...

You were her gay awakening and her being so used to all those nasty things people said about her and all those boys??

Even though it wasn't true, any of it, she still always expected that eventually one day she'd get her first boyfriend, to love and cuddle with and everything normal

Again, then you came along and her heart was all like

BOOM BOOM BEECH

You both danced around each other a lot. Seeing as you were two precious little gay beans that lived in a conservative town in the 80s, it wasn't exactly the most accepting environment and you guys didn't know if the other was into girls at all

On both sides it was "does she like me or is she just really laid back and friendly???"

It took way too long to figure out you were both into each other

If I'm being completely honest here, y'all were like the female reddie

Two girls who became best friends and always bickered like crazy to hide your feelings

The way you two found out you had feelings for one another was bumpy and awkward but silly and cute nonetheless

It came off in a passing comment that just slipped out

The two of you were having a sleepover like you did every Friday night you were available

and you two were laying on her bedroom floor talking about anything and everything staring at the ceiling

Her radio was playing in the background and the two of you were surrounded by various snacks you had been munching on all throughout the night and the conversation drifted to gossip about your peers at school

It went a little something like this:

Y: "Did you see so and so today??"

B: "Yes!!"

Y: *laughing* "Yeah, what the hell was that?"

B: I have no idea what goes on in her head...

B: but I guess I gotta give her some credit, she's always super confident and I'm like, 90% sure that's what makes her the most desirable girl in the 8th grade"

Y: "I guess that makes sense"

B: "I do wish I had her confidence. Maybe I'd have better luck romantically"

Y: "Oh please, like you need that. You're infinitely more attractive than her"

B: "What?"

Y: *panicked* "What?"

B: *slowly sits up with smug ass smirk on her lips* are you saying you find me... attractive?"

Y: ..."what?" *sweating*

B: *still smirking* "Wait,"

Y: "WhAT?"

B: *stILL smirking* "do you-?"

Y: *full on gay panic* "No!"

B: *smirking and blushing*

B: *lays back down* "well, I think you're pretty attractive yourself, if it's any consolation"

She's still so nervous though so it comes out in a whisper

She's 99 percent certain you just accidentally revealed your crush to her but her heart was p o u n d i n g anyway

What if it just came out wrong and that's why you panicked???

Had she just revealed her crush to you by mistake???

But no

You both were a blushing mess and it did not go unnoticed by either one of you

You're hands kinda accidently brushed and you both just had a heart attack on the spot

But the connection you two had that night

You both just... knew

You guys kinda just... happened

After that you both were aware you liked each other

But it was kind of unspoken

At first

It's not like you guys never talked about it, but you two definitely became more touchy and flirty

Holding hands when no one was looking

Shortly before you guys happened and before that night, she had introduced you to losers and they just totally accepted you as one of their own

You got along especially well with Richie (wonder why)

But Bev wasn't too happy about this particular fact...

Especially after you two got together

She wasn't necessarily jealous, especially cause she already had a sneaking suspicion about his feelings for another loser, but because he took up a lot of her time with you

But then, to her chagrin, Richie found out about you two

the eight of you were hanging out in the clubhouse, and Ben had to make some adjustments so him and the others left momentarily to help him get the resources

Except you, and Bev

You two volunteered to hold down the fort [literally]

aaaaaaand you two wanted to have a few minutes alone together too,

Nothing scandalous or anything like that, but you two didn't get be close around the losers

Then Richie returned way earlier than expected [turns out he was doing more harm than good and they sent him back]

He was just outside the entrance and he overheard you two

"I wish we could tell them,"

"I know. And it's not that I don't think they'll accept us, it's-" *sigh* "I'm just not ready... I'm sorry"

"Don't be. It's okay, we can tell them when we're both good and ready."

"Thank you, Y/n."

Richie just kinda stood there thinking about what he just heard

I mean, it made sense, you guys were really close, but then again, that's just how he thought all girls were

But everything else kinda made more sense the more he thought about it

And, it honestly reminded him of him and Eddie

More specifically, how he felt about his best friend

Now naturally this was a very emotional moment, but Richie Tozier being Richie Tozier wasn't about to waltz in there and give some sappy speech about he accepts you guys and he's here for you no matter what

No, no, no

He laid down on the forest floor, sticking his head in the clubhouse scaring the shit out of you two and said

"You guys should really be more quiet, Ben may be a suspiciously good overnight kid architect sensation but he has yet to soundproof this baby"

He then stuck his arm inside the clubhouse, patting the ceiling, shaking a couple spiders loose from his his hand in disgust

"Richie...!"

You two jumped apart and you about nearly shit your pants

"Relax, I'm not gonna tell anyone,"

You both were startled as hell and absolutely disgruntled but the two of you looked at each other, simultaneously breathing a sigh of relief

He got up and joined you two in the clubhouse, and began lounging in his usual spot in the hammock, arms behind his head

"So, this means you two are both into girls, huh?"

Once again, you looked at one another and back at him, nodding shyly

He plastered on the most mischievous smirk you had ever seen and nodded his head, his huge eyes squinting slightly from behind his glasses

"niceee"

This of course was followed by simultaneous eye rolls, Bev even threw her gum wrapper at him but you laughed

It was a relieved laugh

Here you were, exposed and unintentionally outed to Richie "Trashmouth" Tozier and sure enough his reaction was "nICE"

It was honestly a relief and kinda hilarious

You guys just kinda broke out into laughter

It was nice moment

***TRIGGER WARNING FOR [PARENTAL] HOMOPHOBIA BELOW***

And for a while, everything was great. That was, until your parents began to take note just how much time you were spending with Bev

They kept an eye on it at first

Then they started asking questions

You knew this day would come one way or another

Hell, you grew up with them after all, you knew what they thought about people like you and it broke your heart

It terrified you

And it's exactly what you heard every night when you tried to fall asleep, their voices speaking to you clear as day; how disgusted they were. They weren't really there of course and it wasn't until you became a loser that you found out what that voice was...

The point is, your deepest fear was being realized so you did what you could do

Lie

And it seemed to work. Briefly

Your mother had come in to check on you two for the fifth time - usually she checked on you two four times since their suspicions - and found you two snuggled up on top of your sleeping bags

Your mother screamed, scaring the crap out of you guys and you jumped apart

Your mother was thrown into hysterics and went to fetch your father, wailing like a damn baby

Needless to say that night was a long one for everyone

And as if things couldn't get any worse, just days later you found out that Beverly had been taken by It

Immediately, every doubt, every fear, every inkling of shame your parents and your community had drilled into you was forgotten and all that mattered was getting her back

You and your friends literally went through hell to get her back

Needless to say it was a terrifying ordeal but you all had each other's backs and everyone came out okay

When you left Neibolt, you and Beverly were hand in hand

You couldn't give a flying fck about it, you just fought a shape-shifting demon clown you could face your small minded parents

And more importantly you knew even if your parents didn't support you, you had other people who did that and that was enough

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Hope you enjoyed, sorry it's so long and again this is out of order of who requested it so I'm sorry to those of you who had stuff in before this, but I've just been stuck for too long and I needed to get things moving again. Anyways, I hoped you guys like this and again, omg I love writing Beverly!!! I would not be offended if you guys asked for more Bev fics/hc when I open up requests again

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

agajsksns not gonna lie being 10 feet tall sounds awesome. i have no idea how tall that is because the only thing i know about feet (that sounds so wrong) is that google is telling me that i'm 5'6 (sorry to disappoint). which is. average height right? well it doesn't feel like it coz my best friends are giants. they're both 180+ cm tall and they constantly make fun of me for being short. but honestly i win because i can always make them reach things for me.

thank you! that's very sweet, i actually only saw your reply like 20 minutes before the new year so it was right on time! i loved writing to you and waiting to hear back as well, you're a really fun person to talk to!

i know you probably won't see this for a couple of weeks before going on holiday, but have fun!

i laughed really hard at the picture my brain conjured up when reading about you dropping the vampire act and starting to pretend to be a mouse, just straight up scurrying up to the houses on all fours in a bathrobe is hilarious. i'd pay to see that. and yeah! me either. the number of times i've gone outside at night is probably like 3. that's counting that time when i went for ice cream at 11pm to the store on the other side of the street in my pajamas and then had to turn back because it apparently closes at 10 pm. that was a pretty big disappointment

a halloween themed birthday party sounds awesome! it's sort of disappointing though that you can barely remember it. the only themed birthday party i had (or at least the only one that i remember) was princess themed because i was on my princess faze back then (i was 5 or 6 i think). i still remember the sheer joy i felt at being able to wear a long fancy dress. it was brilliant

oh yeah! i'm still slightly scared of blenders because of that time. now anytime i even put my fingers close to the blade i unplug it first. also i saw you got a blender? i think we have one that's similar to the one you described. so i have a couple of suggestions! i like to make banana "ice cream". you just cut up a banana into pieces and freeze it, (i have no idea how long it takes to freeze i just generally always have frozen bananas in my freezer) then you take them out, let them sit for 10 minutes (to not break the blender when you use it) and blend them. i sometimes add frozen berries or peanut butter too! depending on what i want that day. it's great, especially because i'm slightly lactose intolerant too and i absolutely love ice cream. you can also make smoothies as you said. i usually put in mine whatever fruit we have, generally apples, bananas and oranges or grapefruits. or if i'm making one for breakfast (which i know you can't, but this is just a generally more filling option i think?) i also add spinach. you can't really feel the taste but it's supposed to be good for you and it fills you up more (it does make the smoothie super green though!). but yeah i pretty much just mix and match anything i have! also: milkshakes. ice cream, berries (optional) and milk! super easy and my little cousins love it when they visit!

ohhh your grater also seems to be out to get you. i bet it's really painful if it actually falls on your feet, because like metal. on foot. ouch. especially if it hits you with a corner! and i would definitely also get surprised every time it happened no matter how many times it did! bifocal glasses do not sound fun either tho. i would constantly forget how to use them and probably would just get headache really fast too! i get a headache from my normal glasses when i wear them (i usually wear contacts) so bifocal ones would be even worse i bet.

exactly. i had no idea what "hot" means. i thought you were supposed to use it when you thought a person was aesthetically pleasing? or like you thought they look cute? i dunno. i used it a couple of times before i realised that was not what that meant and then i was just like uhhhh yeah i'm gonna delete that word from my vocab. yeah! i think that ace and probably aro too are pretty hard to figure out because it's the lack of something.

ahahsksns i can imagine tiny Lindsey waking up on Christmas morning and running to the window expecting snow in the middle of summer and it's so funny! i can't say anything though because we have this saying in lithuanian which is used essentially when someone does something unexpected and unusual for them so you say "it's gonna snow tomorrow". as in "wow, [name] did [something super unexpected from them], it must be snowing tomorrow" (because like those are equally unexpected things i guess? but it's said in winter too so it's just something you say whenever, i'm sorry it's hard to explain!) but yeah a figure of speech. and anytime i heard that, even in the middle of summer, the next morning i'd run to my window and look for snow and when there was none, i'd just stare accusatorily at my parents. like wow, i can't believe you lied/let someone lie to me

horse races sound fun, i've never been to one though! and a picnic luch sounds awesome! i love picnics but we have them very rarely, i definitely think we should have them more often

and yeah, i get that acid reflux more of an annoyance than a problem but still! i completely agree with you about peanut butter though. it's amazing, i could eat it everyday

I know exactly how tall 10 feet is purely because I’m 5 foot so two of me is 10 foot. I barely know feet but I got used to people being confused when I was like oh, I’m 155cm! so I learnt what my height was in feet but I can really only visualise heights when I put them into centimetres. Someone can be like I’m 6 foot! and that’s great but I don’t have the faintest idea how tall that actually is. 182cm on the other hand is easy. that’s just like one ruler above my height. I can picture that. 5 foot 6 is probably average but as a short person, I consider you tall. That really isn’t saying much at my height but still sdflshdfks. Biggest benefit of tall best friends is indeed making them reach high things though. 

And now we’re almost three weeks into the new year. Time seems to be flying this year. This is a very late reply indeed sdfjhskdfs. I did see this before I left but didn’t have time to reply, thank you though! I did have lots of fun. I had some birds try to invade the unit up in Orewa and I had a dotterel (I think) follow me along the beach at Ngarimu Bay playing some sort of red light green light game with me (it only moved closer and started following me again when I looked away) and I think a blackbird started some sort of mating performance at me which was flattering but uhhhh I’m a bit of a big bird mate. Maybe choose someone else. there was also beaches and gorgeous views etc etc but birds, y’know. birds.

i would 100% do that for money with no regrets. on one hand I could get a job and contribute to society. on the other hand I could do that as my main income. not a hard choice. hire me by the hour to freak your family and friends out. i have no respect for myself i’ll do it to anyone for the right price. damn. only closed one hour earlier. that’s a massive disappointment. i was out at night willingly for my high school prom and for a creative writing night at my uni and inside a car if that counts when I think my family was travelling back from the south island when I was younger. So three times that come to mind. Oh. And if stupid camp burma trails count then add a few times to that but those were not night outings I did willingly.

I can barely remember most of my life, I just assume it happened and I wasn’t just planted here at 12 years old as an alien spy. Anything’s possible though. I remember my birthday cakes more than my birthday parties to be honest with you. My mum always made the cake and when I was young she’d make fun designs. A bee, a bat, a swimming pool and a cat come to me off the top of my head. They were mostly just sponge cats but she cut them and iced them expertly. A princess-themed party seems like a very fun type of party for kids who like that. Kids always seem very happy to dress up in pretty dresses and cool outfits to attend those kinds of parties. I can imagine the joy. I know my little cousin looooves that sort of thing, and her brother isn’t willing to be left out either

thank god you unplug it first now sdfjhsdf that’s incredibly reassuring. Ooo thank you for those suggestions!!! this is great!! I was wanting to try something with bananas and that sounds easy enough. I had an apple and feijoa smoothie while I was away on holiday and all I want is another one of those. So I’m very very very interested in trying out fruit smoothies now because they seem like they can be very very tasty. Spinach seems like such an odd thing to add but I’ve heard that several times now so clearly it’s a thing. I don’t think I’ve ever even had spinach. I’ll keep it in mind though. I suppose if I just try whatever fruit we have on hand eventually I’ll get something that tastes good. I have dairy free ice cream and dairy free milk so it seems like this could work out for me in a way where I’m not regretting my entire life. Normally when I go near a milkshake I regret the day I was born.

It isn’t a super heavy grater but I have intense survival instincts every now and then so it hasn’t actually hit my foot yet. I go diving in the other direction. But I think if it did I’d probably curse a few times before moving on with my life. I don’t think it’d be THAT bad. But I live in fear regardless. oh no. do your normal glasses have a slightly wrong prescription or is this just a thing that happens when you normally wear contacts,,, I’ve never worn contacts because I fear touching my squishy eyeball and also I think my shitty eyesight is too awkward for contacts so I have no idea if that’s a thing.

oh yes haha hot has been solidly deleted from my vocab for many years except in terms of temperature. It has a word that has never naturally come to mind and I’m sure it never will. It just seems weird when I use it. 

I was a fool of a child and absolutely nothing has changed there! I mean I know how hemispheres work now but I’m still a dumbass at heart. Hahahahahaha oh nooooo. That’s incredible but oh noooo. I get what you mean by the saying though, that’d make a lot of sense here honestly since it never snows ever. Locally, at least. 

i think horse races are just a form of betting and losing money that is frowned upon less than actual buildings based on gambling and such. I mean I only ever attended those ones, idk if all horse races are like that, but I know there was buying tickets for whatever horse you thought would win, and if they did you got money, if they didn’t you lost money. I don’t think it was a whole lot of money ? just like a few bucks ? but maybe you could choose to bet more ? I really don’t remember how it worked, I just remember accidentally finding a ticket on the ground and handing it in only to receive some money because the horse won. I think it was like 5 or 10 bucks which seemed like a LOT to my kid self. picnic lunches are fun though. my family keeps a tartan blanket in the back of the car that we use whenever we have picnics and also whenever we get takeaways (we put it in the middle of the lounge floor as the rest of my family eats fish and chips and I eat sushi, normally). But we don’t have as many as we used to. They are fun though.

can confirm i do eat peanut butter everyday and it goes brilliantly.

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty good day. There was a big stressful part of the beginning but the majority of the day was very good. There was even a special surprise. And yoga.

I slept super poorly last night. I couldn't fall asleep for forever because I felt sick and nauseous and bad. And then when I did fall asleep I woke up a few times again. Air conditioner turned off in the middle of the night and James rollover next to me and I woke up just horribly uncomfortable. He wouldn't turn the air conditioning back on that because he always takes care of me. And I was able to sleep until about 7.

James was awake and told me I could keep sleeping but I didn't really want to. I wanted to lay there so I just played on my phone for a while. And then I got up. I got cleaned up and dressed and I felt okay.

I hung in my hammock for a little bit and then James told me he made a waffle. And I was like okay. And I was confused because he had asked me what I wanted for breakfast last night and I said I was going to have the avocado scramble thing I made the other day. And then he remembered that after he made the waffle and felt very bad. But it was fine. He made the thing I wanted and he had the waffle for breakfast instead.

I got the best boyfriend.

We hung out for a while and then left to go to the bus. James walked me there. And then bus proceeded not to show up for almost a half an hour. I was very frustrated. Because it was supposed to be there at 9: 30 but it didn't come until almost 9:50. And we had been there since 920. So I was very stressed out and I hate being late!! I texted Tiffany and let her know and I was just very distressed.

I was about 15 minutes late in the end. Sucks. I'm going to try to get an earlier bus tomorrow. So even if it runs late I will hopefully have the same issue. Because seriously we were three blocks away from access art and our bus driver saw someone on the street that he knew and he park the bus and got off to go have a conversation with him. I was losing my mind.

But I got there and everyone was fine. We're just lesson planning so it wasn't like I was missing anything yet but I hate being late. We all kind of bullshitted and talked for a little bit and then the teacher from holistic Life Center came.

He was a really nice guy. He told really funny stories and he was young and covered in tattoos and wearing a Orioles yoga shirt. He mostly talked about mindfulness. A little bit of yoga. And we learned a lot about breathing exercises. I felt very Vindicated and validated about the types of breathing exercises I already do with the kids when they're upset or hurt. But I learned some really interesting ones today. Specifically that I breathe wrong and I'm trying to retrain myself but it's very hard. It was very enjoyable even though I hated sitting in the folding chairs for that long. My feet don't reach the ground and it's uncomfortable.

But we also played a couple mindfulness games at the end of that was cool. Stuff that we can use in the classroom and it's awesome. I'm really glad that we were able to do that.

We had a late lunch. Marcus went down the street and got me a spring roll. Was very good. And I worked on my lesson plan. Almost out. I think I'll probably end up finishing it tomorrow. And then I'll go back in and make sure it's all good. I also think I want to use a couple other visual things for the classroom. And maybe add some tutorial images of some kind. We have tomorrow and Friday to finish lesson plans. And even with my brain breaks where I sketched tattoo ideas I still got a lot done.

While I was taking a break on my lesson plan I was looking at eBay and I got a crazy good deal on a Furby buddy. Something that I've been trying to get for 2 months now there's a little plush versions of the Furbies. I don't absolutely love them but people use them to make the long Furbies. And I'd like to try my hand at that. And I got one for $5. Usually they go for $35 to $40. I am very excited. I think I'm going to use it slightly as part of my example for my quilt making lesson. I'm going to make its belly pattern based off of Victorian crazy quilts. I'm very excited.

At 3 we finished up. We all decided on which weeks we should be teaching our lessons and when. Was decided that my quilt project would go first which makes me slightly nervous but it's probably a good idea. Because it's community building project we're going to kind of have all the kids get out there art things right away before they jump into other projects and I think that will work out nicely.

And then me and fitsum went home. His driving kind of makes me nauseous. Lot of fast speed up and then stopping. But we had a nice conversation about capitalism and its downfalls. And talked about apartments because he's moving as well. We saw a couple meet cars that we pointed out and talked about. It was a good time.

He dropped me off and I made some food. Did a couple packing things. Made a pile of the furniture and getting rid of. And just kind of hung out. Me and James were going to have dinner together but I kind of just wanted to be by myself a little bit. My dad's going to come visit this weekend and he's going to take the bed. So really these are the last couple days I'm ever going to live alone if all goes according to plan. And it feels very strange. I've lived alone for a long time. But I am excited. Nervous but excited.

I was just kind of chilling. Even though it was too humid in here to call it chilling. Playing Animal Crossing and watching videos. And then I decided to go check the mail.

I was excited because I had a package. But then I saw that there was a letter in there as well from the Minneapolis Apartment project. Which means it's from the class action settlement. Which means it's a check. When we won the settlement last year they said that we would get all of our rent back. But of course it was going to go into appeals. So we would probably just get a portion of our rent back. And honestly getting any amount of money from living in those apartments would be fine. But I was so nervous about opening this check. So he opened my package first. And it was socks! very exciting. I was looking forward to those socks. They're black and they have little hearts on them.

But I couldn't put off opening the check any longer. And I did and if I did my math right I thought about nine months worth of rent back. And the checks that this might not be the only check. That I might get more? Like after all the lawyers and fees are paid if there's anything left over there going to send another check. That's wild. And like all of my money stress. The $40 me and James got scammed out of the other day. James his bike breaking. Moving. All of it. This kind of feels like a buffer. We don't have to worry about it now. Least for a while. And I'm making more money and if he gets this job he's going to be at making more money. And even if he doesn't get this job he's going to keep looking until he does get something good. Don't have to be so stressed out and nickel-and-diming ourselves all the time. it's exciting. It feels Like the universe is telling me everything's going to be okay. That means using my white privilege to help make the lives of my neighbors and Minneapolis better is being rewarded. And that sometimes being a good person and trying to help other people does pay off in the end. And sometimes in cash.

I kind of didn't know what to say when I open the check. So I called James and let him know. And then I called my dad. We talked about taxes and he's going to check with the tax lady to make sure that I have put enough aside next year. I don't want to have an issue. But yeah it's exciting. And it was good to hear dad. He sounds a lot better. And he's looking forward to coming on Sunday and I'm looking forward to having him here. We're going to patch holes but hopefully we'll also do something else. Maybe we'll eat some good food and maybe we'll go see something interesting. Unsure of what yet but I'll figure that out.

I called Jess next to let her know. And she was very excited for me. And then I went back to packing. I brought more stuff from the basement. I broke down all of my Furby boxes. I don't know why I'm keeping them but it feels weird to throw them away. So flat in the Middle East to put them in storage. And I use the box that I have been storing them in to put kitchen stuff in. Paper towels and Ziploc bags. That one bottle of alcohol I always have. And then I took a shower. I painted my toenails and I'm just watching videos and enjoying my night.

Back to lesson planning tomorrow. And then I think falafels with James. No matter what it's going to be a good day. I can feel it. Hope you all have a good night tonight. Be kind to each other. Go out of your way for someone else. Don't expect anything in return. Good night

[enstarsrequests-blog]

HelloooO! Please match me up with someone, mighty Admin! *^* I started Ensemble Stars recently bc I'm a huge Love Live fan & idk who is best guy. I'd like someone closer to my age (18) and I'm considered kind of mature. I like to write songs fics and imagines too (Pokemon). I end up liking chars who aren't generally liked by people because they're "complicated". Chuunibyous are my jAM. I have low self esteem so anyone w/ faith in me would be gr8. I have 3 cats & 1 dog. I love Formula 1 (racing).

Helooo to you, too! I’m not all that mighty, but thanks! I’m pretty sure this has been sitting in my inbox for a while… but I hope it still helps you! If you need any help, feel free to message me or send in an ask! I know a lot about the game, characters, and story so hopefully I can be of help !!

Before I start, in case you’re still unsure about characters you like, I thought I should list out some you might like!! Shinobu is a ninja chuuni! Natsume is a… interesting boy. He does magic, and loves teasing people. Kanata is a mysterious figure that is usually laid-back, but gets super excited over anything to do with water or marine life! Rei is a vampire grandpa. He’s edgy, nocturnal, and can’t handle the sun. Wow, I listed a lot… theres so many people that seem like your type… If you wanna know more about anyone, or want me to give you a few other characters, you could always message or send in an ask! I’m always happy to help o(>ω

Anyway, I hope you enjoy your matchup !! I honestly had such a hard time deciding this one;; I doubted myself a lot and almost erased my work multiple times;;; ack, and it turned out shorter than I expected... but i hope you still like it ;;

Your matchup is…

*drumroll*

Wataru Hibiki!

Wataru sure left a big first impression on you. It was your first day at Yumenosaki, and you were planning to go around and meet all the units that you’d be producing. As you stepped into the school’s gates, your vision was invaded with confetti and and falling feathers. Doves flew over your head, seemingly dropping roses around you. You looked around frantically, searching for whoever did that. A loud voice answered your question almost immediately. In a blur of silver and blue, a tall male with long hair appeared only a few feet in front of you. An intricate mask rested around his eyes, adding to the whole effect. He bowed gracefully, introducing himself as “Your very own Wataru Hibiki! Amazing☆” Said Wataru Hibiki pulled a rose from what appeared to be thin air, offering it to you as he bowed his head once more. You immediately took a liking to this guy.

He ended up showing you around the whole campus, continuously providing “entertainment,” such as magic tricks or random shows. So when it was finally time for class to start, you couldn’t stop grinning. You had trouble focusing, looping the previous events in your mind endlessly. It seemed so unreal.

The moment you were given the chance, you set out to find the peculiar boy from earlier. You did a thorough search of the school, looking at all the places Wataru had shown to you. Still, being your first day, you weren’t too familiar with the campus. And you ended up getting lost. All that walking had gotten pretty tiring, too. So you decided to sit down and take a rest, maybe you would find someone and ask for help.

Not even a minute later, you heard someone shouting. You looked up to find a rather small brown haired boy, in a dress, you might add, sprinting away from something as if his life depended on it. Your gaze moved to the figure chasing after him, only to find the boy that you had been searching for. You jumped up, hoping to catch his attention before he could get away. And hopefully get an explanation for what’s going on.

You two spent more and more time together, allowing you to learn all kinds of things about the strange boy that you had come to love. Well, you weren’t sure if you meant romantic love or not. After all, he was almost everything you could ask for- eccentric, supportive, and a little mysterious. But how could you know if he liked you, anyway? He never really showed interest in particular… but he seemed to love being around you. Though that could just be because he likes you as a friend?

You didn’t have to worry for much longer. Wataru had easily recognized his feelings for you, and planned out an extremely extravagant confession. There was confetti, birds, flowers, and lights all surrounding the third year as he stood up on what looked like a homemade stage. He was acting out a monologue, talking to himself about feelings and such. It was all really confusing, why did he want you here? And there wasn’t a crowd, so it wasn’t a play or anything… The questions immediately fell from your mind as Wataru jumped down from the stage in an explosion of confetti and birds flying out from every direction, pulling a rose out of his sleeve. Just as he did the first time you met, he bowed his head and offered the rose to you as he finally ended his long confession. And thus, you two became a couple.

You said you’d like someone with faith in you? Good, because even if you didn’t, Wataru would be supporting you nonstop. He tend to go a little over the top, though. He has plenty of confidence to go around. Wataru has more pride in you than you could ever imagine having for yourself. Though he does it in his own, strange way, Wataru is always there to give you that reassurance he knows you need. He’s always pushing you to be your best self, and loves when you get determined to become better at something!

Wataru is always surprising you. Every day, he has something new and exciting planned. It makes you wonder how much time he spends figuring all this stuff out- and how has he not run out of ideas? His eccentric behavior never fails to make you smile.

Dating brought you two even closer than before, but it also made you realize how mysterious Wataru can really be. He seems pretty simple, in his crazy own way; but there’s a lot more to him that you’d think. I hope you don’t mind standing out in public, because Wataru is always doing something to turn heads. As long as you support him, join in on his ideas every once in a while (or more than that), and continue to smile at his antics, he’ll love you forever! Bonus points if you plan things that surprise him back~

other possible matches: Kanata, Chiaki