#fightingsuithoughts

[heartbrokenjer]

There are too many days to count where I've contemplated sui. I'm keeping my head forward at all cost and going for the life and love I want with her and myself. I know I'm not perfect and I never will be but to all my greatest efforts ill pursue my goals, dreams, and aspirations with a iron fist. I've lost so many people this month. I've lost so much sleep, lost so many opportunities, my heart is broken... and I'm accountable because I can only hold myself to the character I walk into a room carrying. I'm not angry at the guys who laced my weed, I'm not angry at my Uncle for dropping a bomb on me I have to move in the next days, I'm not angry with my Rylee for doing what she feels is best for her right now, I'm not angry at the fellas who stole my phone, I'm not angry at the treatment I've been receiving lately from my peers and neighbors (although I don't understand the vendetta), I'm not angry my business emails have been hacked and taken from me, I'm not angry that the love I've given to the world isn't reciprocated... I'm just hurt. Devastated to be real. Yet again the years of hard work I've put in have been ripped from me. I was on a hiatus... an extensive one at that and I'm not proud of it but I kicked ass 4 years in a row and my mind body and soul needed the reboot. The Woman I love will always and 5EVA be a rose in my garden and soon I'll be able to show her that just as I'll equally show up for myself. I've broken the most beautiful thing in my life and in turn I'm broken as well. To my friends and family I've fallen out with all i can say is where did we go wrong?? I ask genuinely where was it? So I may correct myself and counsel myself. Along side it all ill be going to therapy so I can be a better me for myself and those around me. Most will see this as a haux or I'm just talking from the side of my neck but I promise you world I am being genuine and I won't argue that with anyone. Idk what will be on the other end of the tunnel but I'm hopeful that everything will fall into alignment. With all my heart I've tried to remain in my heart space even when being played against those I love by those that hate. I've forgiven much and I'll continue to do so because it's just in my nature and I won't let anyone change my heart in that manner. I love who I love even if there's nothing being poured in my glass, ill find away to squeeze some into my cup as well... Somehow I will. I'm accountable for my actions and reactions and I'm also hurt that everyone and everything has simultaneously been taken at once. But whats done in the dark comes to light and my heart and character will shine through whatever is being put on my shoulders. With or without help. To those that have went to hell and back for I'm deeply sorry and I just ask for a smidge of patience while I work through these thresholds. And to my love Rylee I'm working on myself non stop and I will not stop because I want to be your Man and your Rock and I want to show up for you and our kids everyday for the rest of my life. Again I'm accountable and it starts with me... Everyone I promise ill make my adjustments as speedy as possible but I won't rush my process... I recently came out of my hole I dug myself in due to my mental health and I truly from the bottom of my heart will return that love to you all, ESPECIALLY MY RY❤ Thank you for your love and patience and I look forward to show myself and you all why my name is regard so highly. I'm off to therapy Friday so I ask everyone send me positive energy to have the strength to return as authentically as possible. I'm a work in progress and again, my deepest apologies.

-Jerimiah W💔