Leave Me Your Stardust To Remember You By; Pt. 1
Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader
Word Count: 1.3k
Warnings: ANGST!! No comfort in this one, but implied comfort is on the way.
A/N: Inspired by one of my all time favorite songs. Truly, I got hit with the idea on my way home from work yesterday and rolled with it.
Pt. 2 Pt.3
When I turn jet black and you show off your light/ I live to let you shine
You had known Chris almost as long as you had known yourself. Where you began and he ended, no one seemed to know. So many
had told you that when he left for Korea at the tender age of thirteen not to be surprised if the two of you grew apart. It was one of the reasons that he had hesitations about leaving. But you had seen the talent he had, and the drive he possessed. So you sent your best friend off with the promise you would look after his siblings like they were your own, and that you would be with him every step of the way.
But you can skyrocket away from me/ And never come back if you find another galaxy
It would be years before you got to see him in person again. He was busy with training, and school, and everything in between. However, your love for each other never wavered. You spoke on the phone as often as you could both make time, battling the time zones and the day to day. You never went more than a day without emailing each other, and later on, texting. You made it a point to let him know he wasn’t forgotten, no matter how many miles separated you.
Just leave me your stardust to remember you by
You would sometimes wonder if you would outgrow each other, the way you had outgrown the hoodie he had gifted you when he left. “To make sure you don’t forget me,” he had said, as if that was even a possibility. He was the star in your sky, shining as brilliantly as his smile did. But you never did outgrow him, and he always made sure to send you a new hoodie every year, on the anniversary of his leaving.
If you’ll be my boat, I’ll be your sea/ A depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity
As you grew, your love did too. It shifted, and morphed, until it took on an entirely new form. You were still best friends, seemingly the closest to ever exist; you thought that would never change. However, your love shifted from an endless blue to a swirling purple. Suddenly all the ‘I love you’s exchanged held a different weight. Without any warning, you were in love with Chris. When you told him after hours, days, weeks of contemplation, he had the audacity to tell you that he had known. “I didn’t think it needed saying, because it was just a fact. You’re in love with me, and I’m in love with you. Not even oceans could stop that from happening.” You no longer had to hold onto that childlike question of who your Prince Charming was; you had known him all along.
Ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze/ I live to make you free
It turned out that loving Chris in a different way was easy. What was not easy was realizing how much you ached to have him by your side again. You made the effort to see him as often as you could; you had piles of airline miles between the two of you. You had met all of the kids, something that thrilled you since you had been a sounding board when he was handpicking them. They had become such an instrumental part in your life. They would constantly text you, or call you when they got the chance. If Chris was ‘dad’, you were ‘mom’, despite the distance. When Chris would hole up in the studio and go hours without moving, they would call you to get him moving. When he would get too far into his head, it was you they texted to bring him back to them. No one knew him better than you did.
But you can set sail to the west if you want to/ And past the horizon, ‘til I can’t even see you
As Stray Kids got bigger and bigger, the opportunities for visiting got smaller and smaller. Dates would be arranged, tickets would be booked, and then something would have to be moved around. Schedules would shift, tour dates would get added on, extra promotions would pop up seemingly out of nowhere. It had seemed like such a slow progression —you were used to having to adjust to his schedule, as you had been for years— that you both hadn’t realized how much time had passed until you didn’t get your yearly hoodie. It was tradition to call every year on the anniversary of his leaving, and you hadn’t missed one yet. You could explain away the missing hoodie (perhaps the postal service was running behind this year? Maybe the package had gotten lost?), but to have missed calls and radio silence? You couldn’t come up with an excuse for that. You opened up your text thread to see the stack of unanswered messages from you, scrolling to find the occasional text from Chris that seemed to always be an apology for not being available. With an ‘I love you’ sent off, you closed your phone and tried to pretend that a crack hadn’t formed in the foundation of your relationship.
Far from here where the beaches are wide/ Just leave me your wake to remember you by
You never did mention the hoodie that had never got sent, and neither did Chris. You couldn’t say if he was avoiding it the way you were, or if he genuinely didn’t remember. Honestly, you weren’t sure which would hurt worse and you didn’t really want to find out. He eventually called you back, apologizing again for not being able to pick up when you had called…and called…and called. “We were working on the song for the new comeback, and you know how the kids get when we get really into it. I noticed you had called a few times, is everything okay?” You played it off like you just missed his voice. Something fundamental had changed between you two, and you weren’t really sure why you couldn’t address it. Maybe it was the fear that acknowledging it would make it real. He assured you that once the comeback came out and promotions were done, there would be more time for each other. He even told you that one of the songs he had written for you. Ironically, he said it was “to make sure you don’t forget me”, and you had to bite your tongue from saying that it wasn’t you who was likely to forget about him.
When I turn jet black and you show off your light/ I live to let you shine
Eventually, you found out where you began and where Chris ended. It started the day you had gathered every hoodie he had ever given you. You held each one to you before folding it up, tucking the sorrow and emptiness you felt in each fold of the cloth. They had long stopped smelling like him, but if you tried hard enough you could still remember it. You started from the last you ever got, and ended with the one that seemed so small now. It was over a decade old at this point and you could hardly believe that either of you ever fit into it. As you set them all in a box, you grabbed your phone. You typed out a message in the group chat that had seen less and less of all of you in the last months, letting the kids know to take care of themselves, take care of their leader, and that you would be cheering them on always. Before anyone could respond, you left the group chat, blocked all their numbers, and set about finding a pen and paper. On top of the hoodie that signified the beginning and the end, you left a goodbye for the love of your life.
But you can skyrocket away from me
And never come back if you find another galaxy
Far from here with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust to remember you by
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What's your Ianthony Orville Peck song analysis!? And I'd be interested in any other Ianthony song analysis pieces you want to share too!
anon, i love you for enabling me <3
The song I'm obsessing over for them specifically is "How Far Will We Take It" by Orville Peck and Noah Cyrus and the lyrics are so perfect for their time apart and early reunion (beautiful song as well btw, the production is great if anyone wants to listen lol)
This verse feels based in Ian's perspective in the between years. Continuously waking up and showing up to this business that started from this crazy thing he and Anthony both created and shared.
Then the second part where it feels like it speaks to his perseverance of being able to step up with Defy shut down and became president of Smosh. Anthony and other cast continuously mention how it couldn't have survived without Ian leading the ship and by the time Anthony came around again, it was still succeeding with Ian's hard work.
Second verse feels more like Anthony coming back. As much as he loves Smosh as well, what brought him back was his love to create with Ian. It's rooted in their friendship and being able to be with Ian again feels like a major aspect of what Anthony came back for. And also the visual of Ian welcoming him back and closing the door behind him like "you're here and we're in this together for the long haul" as they literally bought a company together (still baffling if I think about it long enough lol)
Also "felt the fire but couldn't see the flames" reads to me like Anthony feeling the anger and sadness of the last years at Smosh but not able to understand his negative emotions were aimed at Defy and not Smosh/Ian until later. Like feeling the pain but not able to identify the real source.
This part of the chorus and the line "I know that you felt the same" though! Even if Ian was more resistant to talk about their feelings during the NYC trip ("cause I've been waiting, don't wanna face it", they both felt things weren't the same and they weren't as close of friends. Neither of them could break through to each other in the state they were in being overworked, unhappy, and not having the chance to grow more as people.
"We're all alone now, how far will we take it?" like they had to have time separate and see how to succeed on their own. And they both did a really good job at it! They were both able to find ways to step up and push themselves as independent creatives without being Ian-and-Anthony. But even then, still not getting the real chance to find someone who could match their energy in their comedy writing and the pure history they have with one another as childhood friends ("No getting used to living without you"). They were still soul tired, even if they were doing well, they still felt the desire to be with each other regardless of a brand or company.
Now this last variation on the chorus kills me cuz it feels like early reunion to the max, I love it!
"I tried to love you" like shipper goggles aside, its very hard for men to be able to express love for their friends and it's clearly still not natural to them but they're trying! The I love you during Anthony's funeral? Clearly a bit awkward to get out but still he said he loved his friend!
"Cause I've been waiting, don't wanna waste it/ We're all alone now how far will we take it?"
This fully reads as them going independent from Mythical after buying back Smosh. They don't want to waste it, they know they want to do this as long as they possibly can and are working so hard for Smosh to succeed together.
They're alone but now they're alone together, Ian and Anthony at the helm of the ship again, now they're seeing how far they can take it :')
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25 for the wrapped drabble!
25: "Bremen", PigPen Theater Co.
It was part of the plan, everbody would stand
On their hind legs, hands holding high the other
Like a tower of brothers, and the one on the top
Would crow warnings and call in the morning
And call out the storm that was coming
The one on the bottom would steer 'til the road was clear
And people would learn to rejoice and to fear our coming
It is, ironically, a mild, wet temperature over Dogwarts, the sort of weather that mostly feels dreary rather than being properly cold, or snowy, or icy, or any of the sorts of things that the kinds of people who claim to bring forth winter would be expected to have over their fortress.
"Oh, come on, you've gotta be cheating!" says Skizz, throwing his cards down on the table. They're stained a strange purple. "Dippledop, tell them that he's cheating."
"I mean, I don't know, Skizz," Impulse says. "You aren't good enough at cheating to have taught me how to spot it..."
"I mean, you're the one marking cards," Martyn says idly.
"You know I can't help it!" says Skizz. "It's my ender-what's-its. My purple scales. My, my general, uh, what's a good word for it -"
"Ourple," Etho says.
"What?" Impulse says.
"He's ourple," Etho says, and then doesn't elaborate at all.
"You know, if you're going to accuse me of cheating, why not accuse him?" Martyn says. "I mean, look at him. He's wearing a mask while we're playing poker. That's basically against the rules."
"I don't have a face, man," Etho says.
"Did you mean -" Big B starts. Impulse puts a hand on his leg. Big B stops.
"I'm just saying," Martyn says, as he takes the distraction as an excuse to palm one of the cards using and replace it with a king he's been keeping in a pocket. He knows the king won't be suspicious largely because he's been keeping track of the cards Skizz has had, and the king he's about to put in his hand is the same one that Skizz had three hands earlier.
Martyn is going to win, like, so many meaningless favors from people who are all definitely going to die before Martyn can call them in, but hey. He's definitely going to die before he has a chance to worry about it, either.
(At one point, it had been about winning. He's good at cheating.)
"You know what, yeah! That is cheating! Show us your face, huh, Etho?" says Skizz, pointing dramatically. Big B snorts into his cards.
"Uh, I mean, I don't know, man," Etho says, putting his hands up and nervously backing up. "It's like - you know I don't take this off..."
"Actually, yeah," Impulse says. "I sorta wanna see you try to keep a poker face. Take it off, Etho."
"Woah, woah boys. I know we're all friends here, but I don't know if I'm ready for a strip tease," Martyn says, which makes Etho turn bright red, and also makes Big B flustered enough that Martyn can see his hand. Okay, that's not a threat. Not that Big B's a threat to anyone, really, but he's still green for a reason.
Skizz isn't a threat for a completely different reason. His heart's right there on his sleeve. He has a shit hand this round. He gave that given that well away the moment he drew it.
That leaves Etho and Impulse to figure out.
"I - oh, geez, guys," Etho says. "I -"
"Take it off!" Skizz starts chanting. "Take it off! Take it off!"
"I'm - I like you guys, but I'm not taking off my mask!" Etho says. "Impulse, Impulse, we're buddies. You should understand!"
"Yeah, but like..." Impulse says, before shrugging. "I mean, if it really upsets you, I guess... Guys, maybe we should stop."
"Naw, don't try to talk him out of it!" Skizz says.
"Haha, you know, I want to see it too," Big B says. "It's a bonding thing, right?"
"Oh, well you can't argue with the bonding thing, now can you," Martyn says.
"Guys," Impulse starts saying, and then there's the sound of a creaking door, and everyone stops at once as the courtyard changes from dreary and wet to a certain chill. If Martyn didn't know any better, he'd say it's the chill of the grave, but there hadn't ever been any for him, so. Probably not.
Instead, it's just...
"My loyal Dogwarts," says Ren, quietly. "What is all of this commotion about?"
"We're playing cards, My Lord," Martyn says immediately. "See?"
He shows his hand to Ren. Ren chuckles.
"Well, laddie. Show me how you win at cards."
Well, the answer to that's 'by cheating'. But he can't really show Ren that, now can he? He's got to keep some things in his pocket. Besides, it's not like any of the favors in the pot matter.
They're all gonna die before they matter. Some of them already are.
Martyn loses the hand to Impulse. He collects the favors with a sheepish grin. Ren barks out a laugh. "You'll get them next time, laddie."
"I'm sure I will," Martyn says.
"Mom, Ren's playing favorites," Etho whines.
"That's - that's unbecoming a knight of -"
"Yeah, Ren's playing favorites," Big B says.
"I mean, dudes, uh, I mean - my loyal Dogwarts -"
Martyn laughs so hard that he forgets to pay attention, and loses the next hand too.
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