#feysand my beloved they could never make me hate you

[toporecall]

why am I being flooded with anti feysand and anti sjm posts??? :(

like yall if you don’t like the books just don’t read them it’s pretty simple

[belabellissima]

If These Wings Could Fly

For my beloved recipient @popjunkie42! Getting you for my giftee for the @acotargiftexchange this year was amazing, and I hope you enjoy your ACOMAF rewrite!

Pairing: Feysand

Warnings: removal of wings (past) light gore associated with that

Summary:

When the distant sound of her footsteps faded down a different hallway, Feyre pushed off the door and turned to take in the room. It was a study with dark stained wood furniture and rich upholstery, vibrant colored curtains and large windows that overlooked the front lawn. A thin layer of dust coated everything, evidence that the room had been locked away for a long time. And there on the wall, mounted behind the opulent desk, were two pairs of wings.

~ or; Tamlin didn't burn the wings. Feyre finds them.

Read on AO3 or Chapter 1 below:

Under the Mountain, there had been noise. So much noise that Feyre had thought she might go mad from it all. The screams throughout the dungeons, the dripping of water, the steps and talking of the guards, the periodic clanging of a weapon on a door, the laughter that followed when it startled her. The music of the revels, the endless chatter of fae as they gossiped and discussed how long she would live, Amarantha’s lilting voice.

The music that had drifted into her cell. Rhysand’s smooth and elegant voice.

Compared to that, being back in Spring was hauntingly silent, especially after her return from the Night Court and her failed wedding.

Prior to the wedding, everyone had wanted to be around her, especially after she’d accepted Tamlin’s proposal. There were too many of them - too many people, too many gossips, too many demands on her. Too many reaching hands trying to grab her. Stop her so that they could talk at her, thank her, touch her and pray to her, of all things.

As if she was some saint to them. Some physical form of their Mother goddess come to life.

But now, the second day back in Spring, Tamlin was gone, and Feyre did not care to speak to any of them.

It was suffocating, and nothing and no one more so than Ianthe. Feyre had barely resettled in when Ianthe tracked her down and held her hostage for hours, going over a repeat of the wedding. Feyre wanted to scream at her that there were more important matters. That war was coming, and she had to convince Tamlin to join with Rhys against Hybern, and she had no idea how to do it.

She knew they were enemies, knew there were tensions between their families caused by some past insult, and trying to work through that was proving more and more difficult the longer Tamlin refused to listen to her speak about Rhys.

If it wasn’t information about the Night Court, he didn’t want to hear it.

“I was thinking white roses this time," Ianthe said with a smile. “Given your reaction to the red last time around, it might be for the best.”

Feyre wanted to snap at her that she’d requested white the first time around anyway. That it had been Ianthe to mess that up and sprinkle red everywhere - the one thing Feyre had requested not happen. But Ianthe had wanted her spectacle, and she’d gotten it. And now, she could come in and be the voice of reason, make Feyre believe she’d been ridiculous before, and that it had always been her idea to have red roses, while Ianthe cautioned white.

She hated Ianthe in that moment like she’d never hated anyone before.

Feyre pushed up from her chair. She wanted away, wanted to find Tamlin and Lucien at the border, find out the information that Rhys needed. See if she could get Tamlin to actually stay in the manor, or even just talk to her for once since this whole mess started.

“Whatever you say, Ianthe. If you’ll excuse me.”

Feyre slipped from the room before Ianthe could protest, but she heard the priestess’ chair scraping against the checkerboard tiles and the soft pitter patter of her slippered feet. Feyre turned down a hallway before the door could open and reveal Ianthe's form, but the footsteps continued to follow.

Feyre couldn’t deal with it right then, the fake smiles, the laughter, the pretending that she hadn’t freaked out and been about to tell Tamlin no. So she ran, picking up the skirts of her god awful dress and jogging down the way, turning another corner and darting down the hall, until she came to a split. One way lead to the guest wing, she’d been told, while the other lead to the wing Tamlin often stayed away from.

The wing that his father, the previous High Lord of Spring, had preferred for his own.

Feyre had never been down this hall before, too scared to intrude somewhere she didn’t think she’d ever even seen Tamlin go near. The ghost of his father was still alive and well in this place, it seemed, haunting Feyre and her fiance both. But the haunting memory of a long dead male was nothing compared to Ianthe’s present hunt, and though her footsteps were quiet, Feyre was still sure she’d be caught if she doubled back.

She tried the door handle of the nearest room. It turned, but the door itself didn’t budge. She trailed her fingers down the seam, a brush of magic sparking at her senses for a moment as she pressed a hand to the wood.

It was warded shut, but the longer she concentrated, the more Feyre could feel cracks and decay in the magic. Sloppy, for warding, or at least weak with age and unravelling as a result. With Ianthe’s footsteps getting louder, Feyre buckled down and dug her fingers into the largest crack. The magic fought her, but after a long moment, gave up the fight. The wards around the doors to whatever room this was parted to let her through, but closed up tight behind the the moment she pressed through and into the room, spinning on her heel as she shut the door with a quiet snick.

Feyre rested her face against the wood of the door for a moment just breathing, wondering briefly how she had managed to cut through the warding. Stubbornness was all well and good, but didn’t often hold up against fae magic. She pushed it from her mind after a moment, choosing instead to be grateful that she’d been able to escape Ianthe by doing so. She wouldn’t be able to take one more minute of the priestess trying to replan a wedding.

When the distant sound of her footsteps faded down a different hallway, Feyre pushed off the door and turned to take in the room. It was a study with dark stained wood furniture and rich upholstery, vibrant colored curtains and large windows that overlooked the front lawn. A thin layer of dust coated everything, evidence that the room had been locked away for a long time. And there on the wall, mounted behind the opulent desk, were two pairs of wings.

One of the pairs was slightly smaller than the other, tucked beneath the larger like it was a shield. Feyre could see the thin bones that stretched the leathery membrane, the play of light turning some places warmer than the shadowed parts.

They had been cut from a body poorly, the joints slightly marred from a quick butcher job. She’d seen cuts like that, made cuts like that back when she was first teaching herself how to hunt and kill. She had failed the first few times at a clean shot, having to resort to a knife to finish the job.

A cut like that… it only came from a struggle. From the prey - or in this case, victims - still being alive and fighting when the blade came down.

An uneasy feeling swelled in her gut, a cold flash of horror as she realized how familiar the wings looked. Hadn’t she just seen wings like it mere days ago, materializing from shadow behind Rhysand whenever she happened to irritate him in some way or another? They matched the shape and color of Rhysands wings, if not the size. These wings were admittedly larger than his - even the smaller pair of the two had a greater wingspan, though Rhys’ had sharper and longer talons.

She moved closer without thought, one hand coming up to touch the small curl of that talon atop the smaller pair. Something stopped her hand before it could land.

Another ward. This one stronger than the ward on the door, no cracks or decay to speak of. As if whoever had taken such a brutal trophy was more determined to keep it than the privacy of the High Lords study. The wings were a power play, meant to be shown off but never disturbed.

My wings, that faerie had wept. She took my wings.

You’ll get them back, Feyre had promised. She’d lied. She hadn't been able to keep such a promise. Couldn’t understand why Amarantha had taken the wings of a Summer court faerie in an attempt to hurt Tamlin. She supposed now she did. It seemed he already had the start of a collection, and Amarantha had merely been adding to it.

Feyre dropped her hand, noticing the slight shimmer of tattoos across the wings. Thin as spiderwebs, and as intricate as the markings on her own arm. The larger pair had the designs all along the strong tendon that would connect them to a back, plus down the thin bones to the tips of the wings. The smaller one had less tattoos, just the designs on the tendons.

Plus one more, almost hidden.

Feyre leaned closer, squinting slightly as she noticed a small design that would have been nearly hidden when the wings were folded, no bigger than half the size of her palm. Three four-pointed stars, fitting together into a slight triangle shape. The largest was at the top, with the smallest to its lower left, and the medium to the lower right.

It didn’t have the same look as her arm - done by magic in an instant. This one looked real, like it had been done with ink and needle.

This was no bargain tattoo. No ceremonial tattoo.

This one was personal, and Feyre ached to see it.

She dug her fingers into the warding surrounding the wings out of her anger at such cruelty, and was surprised when talons instead of fingers sunk through, bruising the magic that surrounded the wings.

She swayed and let go, black spots coming to her vision as she sank to her knees, trying not to pass out from attempting to break a much stronger ward.

She thought of her budding magic back in Night. Thought of how Tamlin didn’t want her to train. Thought of how Rhys had practically demanded the opposite.

Feyre pushed back to her feet, relieved at least that the talons had returned to her normal fingers. She backed away, not taking her eyes from the wings on the wall until her back hit the door. Outside was quiet - no heartbeat or breathing or footsteps. Ianthe had moved on to somewhere else.

Feyre’s hand blindly reached for the door handle, slapping the wood a few times until it found the metal, then she tore open the door and fled for her rooms.

[hellogoodbye14]

Kay now it’s been a while since ACOSF was released and my goggles are finally off so I can write an honest review - and by goggled eyes I mean that when we anticipate a book coming out for so long, we don’t acknowledge how good it actually really was because we’re just happy to be reunited with our loved characters. So I ALWAYS give my books a read again after a couple of months with fresh eyes and a sane mind (not inhaling the book to know what happens).

Okay so here goes and before I start, please dont hate. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I love the ACOTAR universe and I absolutely adore ALL characters (except for the bad guys duh)

ACOSF was not good *gasp*. I KNOW! How could I?! But hear me out.

ACOSF was a beautiful journey about Nesta and her mental health to be specific. I loved that she was able to address it and finally achieve a place where she is happy and content. I however noticed that there was a severe LACK of reasoning behind her actions (whether of the past or the new ones). A reasoning we were all waiting for. The problem with that is that we did not really get to understand her, it all seemed a bit lazy in terms of SJM not giving an explanation. That explanation was A VITAL part of Nesta’s journey.

Cassian. SJM did Cassian dirty, I’m sorry but there was SO much that could have been done with the plot and his involvement but he turned out to be a secondary character in his own book. SJM tried to pack everything in this one book and couldn’t do it justice at all. There was so much potential, potential with his dealing with the illyrian rebellion, more details about his dealing with the courts etc.

To progress the plot (or to even make one), getting feysand pregnant?! I mean what even was that? Im sorry but that was lazy as hell. I ADORE FEYSAND as parents and I could literally inhale a whole novella about feysand with their kid but the way it was done was HORRIBLE. Feysand was made pregnant so that “they dont solve the problem in a jiffy” and nesta actually does. Okay fair. But I KNOW for a fact that the whole Rhys not telling feyre plot line was made for the sole purpose of getting Nesta to realize she crossed a line and finally let all her demons out to Cass. Im sorry but smearing other beloved characters (who would have never done what they did) to progress the story line for another was downright not okay. Again it was lazy.

The only good thing that I do appreciate about the book was the introduction of new characters. I love the way Gwyn and Emerie are written. But I also dont like the fact that the ONE new poc character there was took a backside (as is the case in all SJM novels, we cant deny it)

Lastly, sex is great. SEX IS HOT. But we or I personally enjoyed it with the intimacy that came apart from all that. SJM is usually so good at it, Feysand, Rowaelin, Elide and Lorcan, etc. It was always the perfect combination of sex and emotional connection. ngl the emotional connection took a backseat in ACOSF. I mean it was there but not completely… you get me?

There was so much potential and it was just sad seeing that being lost reading this another time.

I do however love the little bits. Love that we got to see our bat boys and their stories, loved to see Nesta with her girls and being happy, loved to see Az being amused with Gwyn, loved Lucien being a badass and forcing Cass to calm down, loved seeing more of Eris, loved seeing Elain show some backbone. The little bits were beautiful and I am ever grateful for getting them.

So yeap. That is all. As you were 😘

[dreaminginvelaris]

sorting acotar characters into hogwarts houses

idk why i decided to make this post but it was fun sooo...

lmk if y'all agree or disagree. Also please no hate, sometimes a post is just for fun and i don't need any negativity. UNLESS its hate for elain which by all means go ahead ;) (because of ppls sensitivity, this joke isnt an invitaion to go on a full blown elain hate rant just offer a few jabs, especially if you agree on the elain section and move on, if you wanna go on a rant, message me or submit a post and i'll response, all the love <3)

Slytherin: Ambition, Cunning, Leadership, and Resourcefulness

Rhysand: of course Rhys is Slytherin, the man screams Slytherin. We all know he's cunning, often coming up with plans to get what he wants, leader well duh, he's a high lord and loves it and is great at it, he's ambitious, he's a dreamer, so of course, he wants more, and he's resourceful, always being able to think on the spot. Rhysands second house would be Ravenclaw for sure though.

Eris: uhhh do I even have to explain? wants to be Highlord, boom ambitious. seems to be the one in charge of his brothers and has many responsibilities, boom leader. being able to achieve what he wants, boom cunning. resourcefulness...yeah I don't got an example for that one, anyways 3/4.

Azriel: daddy az is a Slytherin, I mean obviously this is the best house (is it obvious yet that I'm a Slytherin ;) but fr, I debated sorting him into Ravenclaw, but even though yes he shows Ravenclaw traits it's not the ones we see the most of or the ones that really shine through Azriel's reserved personality. The main traits azzy boo here has from Slytherin are Cunning and Resourcefulness, and imo these are the ones we see from him every page.

Amren: im putting amren here too, she's literally both!

Gryffindor: Brave, Courage, Daring, Chivalrous

Cassian: this one is self-explanatory, how many times has he put others before himself, how many times has he endangered his own life to save others. that's a Gryffindor soul he has. he always tried to do the right thing, he's brave as hell and reckless at times it seems from the little snide comments we've gotten from the books, he would have been a marauder no doubt.

Tamlin: I hate to do this I do because I love my lions, but I had to put this piece of shit somewhere and since he reminds me of peter Pettigrew bc of his cowardness, I'm sorting him in here. I'm so sorry guys ;(

Morrigan: helloooo, the house colors are red and gold??? obviously mor would demand this house, yes demand. but not just that she's crazy brave, at only what 18? i think, she stood up to her family, making a decision she knew could have her ending up in a horrible situation. but she always is brave, shes gotta when her evil family is still in her life.

Hufflepuff: Loyal, Kind, Patient, Hardworking

Gwyn: i choose my girl gwyn for Hufflepuff bc let's face it, she is the embodiment of Hufflepuff. She's loyal to her new friends, emerie and Nesta, and the priestesses. She's kind as we can see when she first met Nesta and when emerie and Nesta shared their stories. She's very patient never snaps at that bitchy priestess who idk the name of as well as patient when it comes to her and Azriel's tender new friendship and hardworking, always doing her job, running around the library, for her work, always researching more ways to help the Valkyries. i debated putting her in Ravenclaw, because of her intelligence, but i think she's a Hufflepuff through and through.

Elain: IT HURTS MY HEART PUTTING PLAIN ELAIN IN THIS HOUSE. but I gotta, the only trait this plant sniffer has out of all the houses is "kind and patient" EVEN THOUGH SHE'S NOT REALLY LMFAO. I've made a post on explaining why this dirt lover isn't as kind as the books make her out to be, and I would argue she isn't actually patient at all, I mean did we miss how she was basically frustrated Nesta wasn't getting better even though it had been like what 2 weeks, LMFAO. but yeah I mean she's not loyal unless you have food and money then oh yeah she'll be loyal and she's not hardworking bc I mean she never did jack shit and still doesn't, sorry to do this to y'all.

Note: some of yall are so soft. this is not an anti elain post. sorry i insulted her but hey its my post, and i have commentary on each character to explain why i feel they belong in a certain house. sorry i happened to insult your fav. but this isnt an anti elain post, just like its not anti tamlin or anti eris. its just a post about all the characters period, which is why i inculded all of them in the tags. hey, i even insulted Nesta a little bit, but I'm not gonna tag anti-Nesta bc it's not a fucking hate post. get off this post if it comes across you and you don't like what I say, it's not hard to literally just scroll, trust me I've done it multiple times especially when it's a hate post on my beloved characters and they didn't use the anti tags. it's not fucking hard, grow up.

Ravenclaw: Wisdom, Wit, Individuality, Intelligence

Feyre: I debated putting queen feyre into Slytherin, I mean she shows the traits for sure, but it's not really if she shows the traits it's what shines the most in her. Ravenclaws are known for their creativity (bae luna Lovegood <3) and feyres an artist, even in her darkest times she remained an artist, always seeing portraits in her mind, always admiring the beautiful colors of the world. We know she's intelligent, picking up reading and writing quickly, and we also see it when she's strategizing, with the inner circle. Feyre is so wise, she had to be, she had to grow up quickly, you often see her in the books giving advice, because even though she's only 21, she's lived a lifetime. and the whole book of acomaf can show you how witty she is, I mean its what made us fall in love with feysand.

Amren: tiny snowball amren is literally a slytherclaw, she has all the traits from both. but because of how well she is with coding languages and how she always reads and does puzzles i think she'd enjoy being a Ravenclaw.

Nesta: I thought about this for a while, really looking into where she would thrive, Ravenclaw is for her no doubt. She's herself, always has been even when that wasn't such a good thing... but she's witty too if you make sure to not count the "the book is about...a book" I'm sorry that line makes me laugh every single time. we haven't really seen much of her intelligence but I'm guessing she is. but really she would love to be in a house where ppl are themselves and read, i can already imagine her creating a book club where people can be themselves and enjoy smutty books like her.

Lucien: originally I was going to sort him into Hufflepuff but then I remembered how intelligent he is, how witty, and I remembered in acowar he talked about how being the youngest of what 7 heirs? he had the chance to really educate himself which he loved to do, to really learn about his court, idk this man just screams intelligence to me.

I left out emerie bc i honestly don't know where to sort her, i feel like i just don't know her too well or understand her enough to sort her, so feel free to lmk where she would belong :)

[ladyhavilliard]

Colours of Love - Feysand

Word Count: 2935

Summary: In a world where everyone is born seeing in black and white, you begin to see colours once you touch your the person you’re destined to be with. Due to a misunderstanding years ago, Rhysand has to watch his soulmate marry another.

If you want to be tagged in my work, send me an ask saying so. I’ll be reposting all the fics I had written in illyriandragon.

She was beautiful.

Since the moment I met her, she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

And now, with the masterpiece of a dress that hugged her curves perfetly, the golden-brown hair tied up in a bun that showed the open back of that dress and the red rose petals braided in her hair, the same colour as her full lips…

Red. Why had she decided to wear red on her wedding? Feyre hated red.

But maybe, she wanted to associate it with something nice after all. Because she was happy and in love, and that was everything that mattered.

The music was slow and quiet in the background, as she made one more step towards the altar, towards her future husband. Towards her new life. Feyre never glanced at the guests standing on her both sides. Her beautiful eyes never left the people waiting in front of her. Her best friend and maid of honour, my cousin Mor. Lucien. And her beloved fiancé.

She never looked at me.

And maybe it was better this way. I came here for my best friend. I came here because she wanted all of her friends to share the happiest day of her life with her. And if those blue-grey eyes had looked at me, I wouldn’t be able hide the pain I felt. The pain of watching Tamlin marry the woman I loved.

My soulma-

Not my anything.

But luckily, she never turned around. She couldn’t know. No matter how much I wanted to see her beautiful eyes one more time, to make sure she was happy.

Blue-grey had become my favourite colour.

It was the night of a stupid college party three years ago. Feyre had just moved to Prythian from some small village nearby. Mor was her roommate and made her come to the party that Helion threw for his birthday.  That was the night everything changed.

I used to see in black and white. Probably every other person in that room was the same way. We’re all told that the world is beautiful and full of colours, but we start seeing them from the moment we touch the person we’re destined to be with. Our soulmate.

I had never believed in any of this. Before my parents died, they had claimed to be soulmates, but they were fighting all the time. It was almost like they hated each other and stayed together only for me and my sister. I didn’t want a relationship like that.

So I just stopped believing.

How can you know that you see only black and white, when you had never seen any colours? You can’t miss something you can’t even imagine.

Two hours into the party and Feyre couldn’t take it anymore. She was just making her way outside when she tripped on a forgotten cup. I saw it and caught her hand, trying to hold on to her, before she could hit the wooden flour. The moment I touched her, my breath was taken away and I was wordless. The first thing I saw were her beautiful eyes, the colour of an upcoming storm.

Colour.

There you are, there you are, there you are.

And, of course, that was the moment I realized Tamlin had tried to catch her too. He held her with one hand on the small of her back, the other one around her shoulders. She looked at him, her mouth slightly opened.

I was looking for you, I wanted to say. But not a sound left my mouth.

I didn’t move, begging to whatever god could hear me to make her look at me, to see the expression on my face, to find out. I wanted to tell her what had happened, but she hadn’t even realized I had touched her, too.

“I want to paint you”, she whispered. “I finally know what colour looks like and I want to paint you.”

Tamlin looked at me from the corner of his eyes and I knew everything was over. I knew he would hate me forever for what had happened years ago and he was capable of anything to hurt me once more. He knew what could have happened if he hadn’t shown and decided to play a big part in preventing it come true.

So, I naturally let go of her hand and turn away. I kept the secret of what had happened for weeks. But then, Feyre and Tamlin started to date officially and I couldn’t take it anymore. I told Morrigan what about the night of the party and she told me I was a stupid prick for not telling her, to let her date a monster like Tamlin. She told me I had to tell her the truth in an instant, but I couldn’t. Feyre looked so happy and peaceful. I couldn’t take this happiness away from her.

With the time, she became Mor’s best friend and later mine, too. I took everything she offered me and nothing more. Tamlin hated our friendship and we started to go out less and less, but we never stopped. She even made me take her to the man that had tattooed me, Cassian and Azriel. She said this was the first time she felt like a part of a family and wanted to have the same tattoo, so she could be one of us.

A part of my family.

That’s how she got the black tattoo, swirling on her gentle left arm, from the tips of her fingers to her elbow. After that, I didn’t see her for over four months. She never told me the reason, but I knew Tamlin was a part of it.

She never lost her beautiful smile, though. So I knew that whatever he had done, she was still happy. She didn’t want to be parted with us, but she would still always choose him, because Tamlin made her happy. And she was in love.

My light in the darkness, all the colours in this world.

My soulmate, in love with someone else.

Not my anything.

Not my anything.

I repeated this over and over to myself, as she walked down the aisle. I kept repeating it as the music stopped and, suddenly, she was standing before Tamlin, holding his hand.

Everything had happened too fast, but in the same time too slow and painful for me to handle.

I couldn’t hear anything. It was like the word had gone silent and everything I could see or think about, was her.

“Yes!”, Tamlin said.

My body tensed and all at once I became too aware of what was happening.

“And you, Feyre Archeron, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the answer, but a few seconds passed and it didn’t come. Her hands slightly trembled and I felt my eyes water.

No, no…        

She wasn’t excited, nor was she even nervous. No, she was scared. Scared of the scene that played right before her eyes. Scared of the decision she was going to make… Scared of him. Her skin was pale, all colour had left her cheeks. She wasn’t happy. How haven’t I seen it sooner?

“Feyre?” I more saw than heard Tamlin say. But somehow, there was no gentleness in his features, no worry in his eyes.

I should’ve told her everything, I shouldn’t have let her do this. It was a mistake and I knew she was too scared, too confused to leave. My soulmate. I should’ve told her sooner…

“No.”

For a heartbeat, time stopped. The whole world disappeared. And then-

“What did you say?” Tamlin snapped.

“I am not going to marry you!” Tears escaped her eyes, but her voice was strong, secure. Her hands had stopped to tremble, too.

Tamlin was furious. He made a step towards her and I stood up, preparing myself to punch him in the face before he could do it to her first. But before I knew it, Feyre had gotten away from him and was running towards the exit. He tried to follow her, but Mor, Amren and my brothers were faster. The girls blocked the door while Cassian and Azriel grabbed him. He couldn’t escape their grip, no matter how much he tried.

Amren looked at me, her eyes full of pride from what Feyre had done, and nodded.

“Go!” my cousin hissed.

I didn’t need any more convincing as I stormed out of the building and jumped into my car.

____

It took me half an hour to get there. I didn’t see her car anywhere, but she had to be there. There was nowhere else she could have gone.

The lake was beautiful that day. The blue of the cloudless sky reflected in the water, making it a darker shade of the colour of her eyes. I loved this place.

And from the moment I showed it to her, I knew she loved it too.

It was only a couple of minutes away from the city, but no one ever came. And at night, this was the best place to look at the night sky. Every time I come here and look at the stars, I begin to feel peaceful, like everything is alright. I knew she did, too.

So without a second thought, I got out of the black car and looked around.

There she was. Laying on the grass, her wedding dress dirty and all around her, her hair a mess. I took a deep breath and put my hands in my pockets. I approached her slowly. Every step I took towards her felt like a lifetime. Her eyes were closed and for a moment, I thought she had fallen asleep.

“It was all my fault”, she whispered. I stopped and felt my whole body tense. Feyre… “Staying with him. Hurting myself. It is all my fault”

My heart broke with every word that left her mouth. It pained me to just look at her and not be able to say anything. I didn’t know what to do.

She opened her eyes ever so slowly and stood into a sitting position. Her cheeks were wet from the tears she had shed. She was silent for a moment and I finally sat next to her, my eyes never leaving hers. I gently stroked her hand, assuring her to continue.

“I knew I wasn’t happy”, Feyre confessed, her voice hoarse from the crying. ”I knew this wasn’t love, at least not anymore. I still thought I loved him when he proposed, but for months those feelings had faded and now… They just aren’t here. But I kept telling myself that I was wrong. That I did love him and I was just stressed out. I continued to lie to myself that I was happy, that this- he- was everything I wanted, needed. He is my soulmate after all. It is our destiny to be together…”

“We choose our own destiny, Feyre. Only you can decide who you are, what you do and who you want to be with. And…” he isn’t your soulmate, never was. But I couldn’t tell her. Not when she was sad and heartbroken, when the last thing she needed was a relationship. When she would never see me as more than her friend.

“Do you remember last year? After I made my tattoo and then just disappeared?” I nodded, curious where she was going with this. “We had a big fight and after that, I decided it was better to stay at home for a while. Those months were probably the worst of my life. I lost weight, stopped eating and I just didn’t care about anything. Life seemed pointless. I wanted to care, but I didn’t. Tamlin acted like he didn’t see anything wrong with me and I thought… I just thought he was fighting his own demons, trying to be better. I stopped talking to you, because he was more stressed out than ever and I didn’t want to make it any worse, but…  The only thing that made me want to live again- not just exist as an empty shell, but live- was the thought of you. Of the family you introduced me to, that became my family too. But mostly of you, Rhysand.”

My heart started to beat faster. If only I had known… She had to get over this by herself. She had fought alone, and I had had no idea about it.

“I stayed with him only because he is my soulmate”

“He isn’t”, I heard myself say and instantly looked away. I would tell her. I just couldn’t watch her in the eyes as I did.

Coward, I scoffed at myself.

“Tamlin isn’t your soulmate” I felt Feyre stiffen as I repeated. “The night at the party you were drunk and confused and when you, clumsy as always, tripped on that cup, it was both of us that tried catch you. The blue-grey of your eyes was the first colour I ever saw. You were so beautiful and you didn’t even look at me. You had eyes only for him and didn’t even realize I was standing right beside you, too, still holding your hand.”

I finally looked up. New tears were streaming down her face and I felt my own eyes water. There were too many emotions written in those pretty eyes. And for the first time, I couldn’t read her at all.

I thought she was about to scream at me, beat me, offend me, for everything I had hid from her all this time. But she did nothing of those things. In fact, she didn’t do anything at all.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

So many reasons, but at the same time, there were no real reasons at all. I thought for a moment. What did it matter what I would say? She probably hated me anyway.

“At first I didn’t tell you, because I was scared. You didn’t know me and I was afraid you would think it was some sort of a stupid prank. Then you started dating him and I thought you were happy. When you and Mor got closer and you became a part of our family, you always looked like everything in your life was perfect, the way it had to be. For me, it was enough to take everything you gave me and nothing more. If being my friend was all you wanted, I was content to give you that. Even though it killed me to watch you with him, I was fine with it, as long as you were happy. And I wanted that for you.” I stopped for a moment, still refusing to meet her eyes. “I promised myself I would let you go, because you deserved to love fiercely and be loved the same way in return. Even if it wasn’t with me. Because I loved you, Feyre. I love you. You are not only my soulmate, you are my everything.”

It was too late. I was a fool and it was too late to make things right.

She deserved the truth, but I didn’t deserve her at all.

Feyre gently took my chin between her fingers and made me look at her. I expected to see only pity and anger, maybe pain, but the look she gave me… It was full of emotion. Worry and love. I was sure I had confused myself. It wasn’t possible, and then-

“All this time I wondered what it would be like if it was you.” The corners of her mouth turned into a small smile. I had to have heard it all wrong, she couldn’t really mean it. “I wanted it to be you”

I cried.

I couldn’t keep the tears, I couldn’t stop the sob as it escaped my lips. This wasn’t real, it couldn’t be real. She had escaped Tamlin, had left the wedding and that was too much to begin with. But to say she thought about me, wished to be with me, while she was engaged to someone else? This couldn’t be real.

Maybe she knew me too well, or perhaps I had said it out loud. She wrapped her arms around me and and never let go. I buried my face in the crook of her neck, breathing her in, as tears flowed from my eyes.

“I love you too, Rhysand. I might need time to heal, but I belong to you. I always have. And I am sorry, so incredibly sorry, that I hid away those feelings. You deserve the world and I am sorry I made you think otherwise”

Her hand once again lifted my chin and Feyre pulled herself away, just enough to look me in the eyes. In a heartbeat her lips met mine and I felt happier than ever. It felt as though everything in this world had come into place, like I had found what I had been looking for all of my life.

I loved her and she loved me. That was all that mattered.

I was the one to break the kiss, even though every inch of my body protested. I couldn’t stop smiling. Those blue-grey eyes were looking at me with so much happiness, life and love and it felt like the wedding had happened years ago, in a different world, different life, because so much had changed for only a couple of minutes… I looked at her shining eyes and knew, that no matter what others said, blue was the colour of love.

@hellas-himself @alexisnm95 @rhysand-darling @dreams-of-feysand @official-mort  @urbisie @crimson-dusk

[comprosedreviews-blog]

A Court of Wings and Ruin (finally) with Monica

Rating: 4/5 (goodreads) 

With a great (new) laptop, comes great responsibility. 

And no one knows that better than me. At least after the seven hour, where-did-all-my-files-go-and-why-didn’t-they-transfer-correctly debacle. 

SO while I had an almost full review finished for this book, it has gone MIA. Go. Figure. 

But that’s Karma’s way of getting back at me for not publishing this a few months ago, you know, when I actually finished reading the book. 

But y’all didn’t come here to listen to me complain, you came for a book review, so without further RAWRS and GRRs, here’s the review:

You should read the book.

Yes I know, you’re probably sitting there glued to your screens, mouth agape because somehow, after loving the first two books of this beloved series I also managed to love and recommend the third. GOOD GRACIOUS MONICA!!! YOU’RE CRAZY!!!

In all seriousness, the book did fall a little bit behind the first and second in the list of favorites for me, but still managed to keep me coming back for more page turns and laughter and fear. 

Before writing any further, I want to warn those of you who stumbled upon this review thinking that ACOWAR was the first in a series from reading the rest of this post. You see, young ones, if you continue to read you will be spoiled for the first two books... because well, this is the third and final in its little trilogy. 

So turn away, avert your eyes, and direct your feet to the nearest Barnes & Nobles (or wherever you satisfy your book reading needs) and purchase A Court of Thorns and Roses. You won’t be sorry. 

THE BRIEF NON-SPOILERY: I can confirm that there are areas of overwriting in this finale. In fact, much of the beginning dragged on or felt unnecessary, to the point where 100 pages or so in, I finally felt like we began the story. The beginning is important for foundational stuff about new characters, old characters and new threat lines, however. It probably could have just been done with far fewer words and scenes. 

I also think that there are several areas that just lagged. I could easily put the book down in those moments and do something else... which for me isn’t a great reading experience. And before you wave your fists and say BUT MONICA, books can’t be all power and action and romance all the time, know that I understand that. I mean, I read a lot and love books a lot, but this was an excessive amount of hmmmmmmm don’t need to be reading this right now. I want to be fully pulled in, I want something to make me think I CAN PUSH THROUGH THIS SECTION TO FIND X OUT... but there were whole chapters where I was like... whelp. Nothing interesting happened. 

THAT BEING SAID, other moments in the book were done spectacularly and kept me immersed in the world even when I had to put the book down. I was like... No. Nope. Okay Mr. Reporting-Professor, you can talk all you want about the inverted pyramid, but understand that all I’m hearing is fanfic poetry about the love between Rhysand and Feyre. 

You get all the characters you love back and all the resolutions you could ask for, which is why lovers of the series must finish it. Don’t let yourself feel the unresolved feeling of ending on ACOMAF (because we all know that ending left us SHOOK). 

That’s all I can offer for you folks out there who haven’t finished ACOWAR. I hope these words of wisdom have helped you settle on the right decision of reading the book for yourself. If it didn’t, well, sorry. I’m a mere hufflepuff.

 WARNING!! SPOILERS!!! AHEAD!!!

You know, I really enjoyed this book, I swear I did, but as I’m thinking back on it, the things I remember best are the things that annoyed me. Like the father’s convenient return right as the battle was being lost, the constant magic draining, the convenient return of Rhysands angel looking friends, and all the character death bluffs. So for the interest of ending this review on a positive note (because, wtf my brain, we love this book??) I’m going to talk about these things and then swing into the good. 

1. WHATS WITH ALL THE CONVENIENCE? 

Did we just get written into too tough of a plot to get out of? No, I don’t think we did. Why? Because Sarah J. Mass is brilliant. I’m sorry, but did you see all the foreshadowing with the mirror? Or the awesome trials in the first book? Or the link between the stars of Feyre’s drawer and Rhysand??? This girl can write the tough writes. 

But this ending was riddled with oddly convenient and seemingly unnecessary helps. The island with the Seraphine and the wards that worked a little too well... like why didn’t Rhysand and friends check super hard? Why didn’t they shout a bunch. WHY DIDNT THEY REALIZE, oh yeah, we protect our sacred city with a bunch of wards too... Why didn’t the angel beings think to look outside of their wards ever? And how come they were able to get notice of the battle at all? Like... HMM, yeah we couldn’t really reach you BUTTTTTTTTT now we’re here because we found out about it?? No. I need a better explanation. 

And maybe there is one to come. Maybe the second series will shine some light on the topic, but if that’s the case then writing that entrance for these guys was a super risky move because--I’m just going to say it--it came across as a Deux ex machina (which are endings I frankly hate). 

GAHHHH and the whole book we were like

Reader: Oh no!!!!! Azriel is going to die! His wings are shredding, he went on a kill mission, he’s the misplaced love angle...I knew he shouldn’t have gone with them! I knew it!!! I knew it!! This is Sarah offing him isn’t it--

Feyre: actually we got him back in time so it’s all peas and--

Reader: OMG YOU ONLY GOT HIM TO SURVIVE BECAUSE TAMLIN IS DEAD NOW AND HE HAS SACRIFICED HIMSELF JUST AS HE REDEEMED WHATEVER TERRIBLE DARKNESS HE WAS BATHED IN AS A SMA--

Tamlin: Actually, no. No. I come back in the end. They kept me alive. I’m good. 

Reader: HOLY MUFFIN GUACAMOLE YOU DISTRACTED ME SO THAT I WOULDN’T SEE CASSI--oh actually cass is fine wow. Good job Ness--OMG NESSA AND CASSIAN ARE GOING TO DIE AHHHHH

Elain: NOT. In. My. House!

Reader: Oh dang. Nice slashy slash. Wait so everyone-- OMG ARMEN NOOOOOOOO

Ocean: psht. She’s fine. I’ll spit her out as a high fey, no worries

Reader: Oh. Oh. Okay, wow. That’s um, good then? 

Cauldron: *Gargles*

Reader: *Sobbing hysterically* RHYSAND!!!!!!!!! Actually, he’ll be fine too probably... yep. Okay. 

It got to the point where I was like, well there’s no real need to worry because any character I actually give an emotional teardrop about is protected by all the force of the pen forever. So. Yeah. 

I mean, I’m not complaining that all my characters made it out unscathed, just that they made it out and each and every one of them had their life thissssssss close to being torn away... and somehow I’m still expected to buy Rhysand’s near death at the end as our final hurdle to overcome. Which. I didn’t.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THE BAD, let’s talk about the good. 

The very beginning had me so upset. But in a good way. When it wasn’t going on too long we got to see a darker side of Feyre, the side that decided to kill a fairy for revenge, the side that isn’t afraid to ruin lives if it means saving the people she cares about. 

AND I HAVE TO SAY I HATED IT AND LOVED THAT I HATED IT. 

Like, I do not like Tamlin. I will never like Tamlin, there is no redeeming Tamlin. But, still, as Feyre began to turn his armies against him and used Lucien (who I do like!) to tear a rift in the spring court I felt the feels. Like... no. This isn’t how we do things. 

But. It. Is. 

Feyre don’t mess around. 

When the bond between Rhysand and Feyre started to go quiet I was SOOOOO worried that Tamlin had secretly discovered a way to shut it down and was working with Ianthe that I just... I was like STOP WORRYING ABOUT DESTROYING SPRING AND START FOCUSSING ON THIS CLEARLY WRONG THING!!!!! But it wasn’t that. 

No. No, it was her magic, being drained from her. 

And for someone with SO MUCH MAGIC in the book before, I was so taken aback by how many times her powers were literally drained from her. 

Was anyone else impatiently waiting for more Feysand? Because I was. I wanted it sooooo badly. Maybe that’s the real reason everything dragged. Maybe I just needed them to be together again, especially because she was now lady of the night court and I wanted to see some night court shenanigans with the gang. 

Good times. That would have been good times. 

But I had to wait. And when we did get there

STUFF//WAS//FALLING//APART

I’m sorry, what do you mean Elain is miserable???? And mad???

I’m sorry, what do you mean Lucien is coming with??? (because I might like him but yeesh, I was annoyed with his “how could you betray me” thing). 

I’m sorry, what do you mean IN GENERAL????

Can’t we just like... Idk, ignore our wounds from the other book? CASS got to! His wings grew back//were healed. We should all be like Cass!

For real though, when everyone was talking about how Elain had gone crazy I was sitting here thinking... *raises hands* um maybe she’s like... seeing the future? Did we think about that guys?? But nooooooo. Everyone was all pity filled and I was all :(((((((((((

My greatest regret is we never got the resolution of Cass and Nessa. I want them together and I want it yesterday!

I felt like we were there. We were so close. They almost died together and Cass and Nessa BASICALLY SAID THEY LOVED EACH OTHER and then...

poof. Same old same old rawr. 

And then are Elain and Azriel going to be a thing??? I don’t know if I want that or don’t want that???? Are Lucien and bird princess going to be a thing???? Who is a thing, who isn’t a thing, why???????

Like, last book I was here for Lucien and Elain. I mean I figured they’d have to like, get to know each other, fall in love, etc. but I’m a sucker for a falling in love story// enemies to lovers sub-arch. 

Nope. Nope. Nope. 

Now I can’t even bring myself to root for that. They are just wrong for each other. And I don’t like it. I don’t like that our thing that set up our two main characters can be so imperfect. Rawr, I just want resolution!!!!!!

And did everyone catch that Lucien isn’t related to the monster that was previously believed to be his father??? WHO’S GOING TO EXPLAIN TO DADDY HELION THAT HE IS A FATHER???? WHY DIDN’T THAT HAPPEN IN THIS BOOK???

I’m sorry but all signs for me point to the next series following Elain, Lucien, and Bird princess lady// whatever horrible deal she made to be able to come and fight. I’m not against that. I do want to know more about why the cauldron gave Elain so much power, and how her ex-fiance is feeling now, and how her prophesies/// Azriel thing/// Lucien thing is going to pan out !!!BUT!!!! But here I am wanting to know what happened to giant nightmare cloud, wanting to see baby Feysand, wanting to have Mor find love, wanting to know more about Nessa’s link with the cauldron...

ARE WE SURROUNDED BY I NEED TO KNOWS RIGHT NOW OR WHAT???

*sigh* when is Sarah going to release the next series beginner? I need it. Otherwise, I might combust. And I need these answers. Not in this order but... like in the next book please?? Please???? PLEASE????

So this review turned more into a mindless ramble of happenings and wants than anything else. If you feel I left things out (which I most certainly did thanks to writing this months and months after reading smh) please comment below! I’d love to hear what Y’all think// what y’all want from the next book. 

And gosh if you read this far, you’re a saint. 

Until next post,

Monica

[bookcoyote]

BOOK REVIEW: ACOWAR

Basic info: Author:  Sarah J. Maas Series: ACOTAR #3 Goodreads rating: 4.7 Published: 2017 My rating: 6/5  

I feel so much pressure while writing this review for ACOWAR because, let‘s be honest, it‘s most anticipated book this year, from the series loved by everyone. I can‘t even imagine how much pressure Sarah must have felt while writing it and, now, when it‘s finally out... I would be freaking out in her place because each choice, each destiny of our favourite characters is in her hands and if she doesn‘t make them right... Well, I wouldn‘t like this whole fandom to come for my head.

I think the most important thing you want to hear me now saying whether I got disappointed or not. Well... I didn‘t. Maybe, as in all other books I read, I‘d like to change a thing or two, but in overall, I was even far from disappointed. One of the reasons which really made me write a huge positive point to Sarah (although it probably doesn‘t have anything to do with her) is that a lot of fan theories I‘ve heard were confirmed! I am going to talk about them a bit later, in a spoiler filled part of this review, but, yeah, it made me really proud of this smartass fandom. Sarah, as it comes to plot twists, in my opinion, is one of the best writers, and in ACOWAR she truly confirmed to be amazing at it. I think that it‘s really hard to guess her plot twists, so as I said, I am really really proud of this fandom for actually figuring out her sneaky twists (some of them wouldn‘t have even came to my mind!).

“But this is war. We don’t have the luxury of good ideas - only picking between the bad ones.”

And, while there were some confirmed theories, still, Sarah made a lot of surprises, so it kinda felt like a rollercoaster ride. I was shitting my pants and then suddenly jumping happy dances, and then BOOM, I am again bitting my nails. One episode seriously broke me, I even cried (and I do that really rarely) because I was so believing in some fan theories that... Well, I promise you are going to shit your pants, too.

No matter what, I am still very thankful for Sarah for telling us this extraordinary story. I am surely going to miss Feyre‘s voice and being a part of that amazing and brave Inner Circle. I am not that super excited about other 3 books which are going to be set in the same word, just told by different characters (and there is nothing said about time perspective?), but since ACOWAR left quite a bunch of unanswered questions, I kinda have this feeling we are going to meet our beloved characters again. Someday. I hope.

Okay, so let‘s move on to the actual review. IF YOU DON‘T WANT TO GET SPOILED – LEAVE NOW AND GET BACK AFTER YOU READ THE WHOLE BOOK! But seriously, come back, I put my heart into this review...

--------

So.

Where do I start?

Well, I guess I should start from Spring Court and how badass Feyre is. I mean, I wouldn‘t have thought of such a wicked and smart plan, so I am so impressed with Feyre! There are some stupid decisions which she made through the series and it made me question her as a protagonist who is lead by pure logic (let‘s be honest, that decision to go to Under the Mountain without even reconsidering all cons and pros was a hell stupid choice she made in ACOTAR), but I can see that change in her character, how she became an aristocratic  High Lady, from a simple country girl. Later on, when we have this short episode of that damned mirror which title I can‘t remember (but it sounds really cool and magical and scary), and Feyre looks at herself and accepts every flaw she has, it was something really amazing, something that makes this series so good and Feyre, as protagonist, strong and independent.

The only pity I feel is that Feyre didn't stay to see Tamlin‘s reaction after she brought down the whole Spring Court. What does the fox say now, The Tool?

However, although in one hand I am happy Feyre wasn‘t forced to do anything at Spring Court, but at the same time, I missed some problematic drama. It just felt so easy for Feyre to accomplish her goal that I‘ve been waiting something huge to happen. Something that would make Rhys show up like he once did during the wedding. But, I am quite happy with what we got and I really don‘t complain.

ACOTAR is a prologue, we are introduced into this world and first time meet Feyre and other characters, while ACOMAF is full of feelings and love drama. So what we‘ve got for ACOWAR? Well, a war. Surprising, huh? Yeah, ACOWAR is full of politics and diplomacy and preparing for the battles which are awaiting for Prythian and if not that war and all those cool and brutal and heartbreaking battle episodes I think a few more pages and I could have got a bit bored, BUT, although balancing on this line can be tricky, Sarah again used her flawless writing abilities and unexpected plot twists. All episodes with the Bone Carver, Bryaxis, Suriel, Tamlin, Lucien, made me stay alerted and excited. I think all those scary and cruel episodes are my favourites, I liked that urgent feeling to smack someone‘s face when Tamlin or Beron was talking all those hateful words, calling Feyre or Rhysand a whore. Hate – is the fuel of ACOWAR, as heartbreak is for ACOMAF and excitement for ACOTAR.

Another thing I really really want to discuss is... side characters! All those we‘ve already known and those who we just met. I think that deep in my heart I prefer The Bone Carver over Amren and Bryaxis over Azriel because those creatures – they are new, something I‘ve never seen before in any other book. They know everything and everyone, they can see far ahead into the future and meet it with a pride. They can look in Death‘s eye (well, The Bone Carver probably have needed that mirror to somehow look into his own eye) and they don‘t get afraid. I was so excited for all of them join the battle and as Rhys revealed his bargain with The Weaver it was such a mindblow, I was all fangirling and cheering. And when Suriel died for Feyre, that‘s such a dobby kind of act! So, if I could pick my own Inner Circle, The Weaver, The Bone Carver, Bryaxis and Suriel would definitely have their places in it!

Another prisoner who had come to love its cell. Perhaps Bryaxis and the Carver should meet. And ancient death-god and the face of nightmares. The painting, dreadful yet alluring, began creep roots deep within my mind.

Okay, so, before I wrap up all this nonsense I just wrote, I want to mention just a couple more episodes which broke my heart. Well, first one is Feyre's realisation that The Bone Carver shows in Feysand’s child shape. I was dying when I heard this, I mean, it‘s so promising and so beautiful and it also says a lot about The Bone Carver.

I wondered who would carve his death in the Prison. If he had perhaps already carved it for himself on the walls of that cell. If he had wanted to make sure I was worthy not to taunt me, but because he wanted his end . . . he wanted his end to be worth carving. And as I gazed at that decimated part of the plain, the ashes of the Illyrians still raining down . . . I wondered if the Carver had made it. To whenever he had been so curious about going.

Next episode is Mor‘s coming out, which broke my heart not in a good way and it didn‘t break for Mor, but for Az. I still think Mor is super unfair by not saying Azriel the truth and no person should be misled for that long. That‘s kind of cruel and super selfish, especially when he is not just a stranger, he is her friend, best friend, and he has hopes. This is something that will always keep me bugging if this question won‘t be solved in other books.

Speaking of unanswered questions, well, there are plenty of them, so I don‘t know whether I should be angry with Sarah for leaving so many loose ends or be happy because they are small promises that we are going to meet out beloved characters in the future. Anyways, she left us quite a lot of material for our own assumptions and theories, starting with Nesta‘s strange look, Lucien and Elain‘s relationship, Helion and his heir, Tamlin‘s life, human queens, Cauldron and so on.

Also, I need to mention Tamlin and his ‘be happy‘ for Feyre. Even if he said so many hateful words and acted like a douchebag and a tool, I think that at the end, he managed to restore his image. I finally understood him and that Nephele‘s philosophy saying that Tamlin – someone Feyre held as her weakness, turned out to be her strength, when she was desperate, made me really emotional. I don‘t know what do you think about Tamlin, I mean, probably all he have done won‘t ever be okay, but I am still happy he and Feyre made peace and that last wish for Feyre to be happy... I seriously thought he is going to spit something and don‘t agree first, but when he looked at... dead Rhys‘ body and then said to Feyre to be happy... That‘s a beautiful end and I am so thankful for Sarah for it.

And with barely three steps to the edge of that cliff . . . A warm wind, kissed with lilac and new grass, blasted up from beneath me. A wind of -  spring. Lifting me, filling my wings.”

OKAY. NOW. Definitely, the most heartbreaking episode which brought my tears is... well, Rhys death. You know, I still can‘t believe he actually was dead. Like, DEAD. What. I actually first got really emotional during that Rhys‘ goodbye speech before the battle to his friends because I was really really afraid that Sarah is going to do that. All those hints and signs, it was clear the whole book someone is going to die. And although, Rhys was resurrected, but Sarah actually killed him. She did that.

It was so unexpected and I really thought that‘s it, there is nothing Feyre can do now, but then we got reminded about that one special way...

What I completely didn‘t expect is Amren climbing out of Cauldron. You know, that‘s probably one of the things which a bit disappointed me. I somehow knew from ACOMAF that Amren won‘t survive this series and when she unleashed herself (and that was awesome!) I kinda already had made my peace with a fact she is gone, but then she got back. I am forgiving Sarah for this decision only because I really liked that Amren was on her way somewhere when RHYS saw her and as he said, asked her if she wants to join him and maybe get back. Like they were playing with Death, like it would be their ally, their friend. Playing with a destiny and don‘t even feeling afraid or audacious - that's something I find truly fascinating.

And as Amren smiled at me . . . I wondered if that had been her last gift. If it all . . . if it all had been a gift.

I still have a lot more to say and I can go and go on, but I think those are the main thoughts I‘ve wanted to share with you. Please comment your own opinions or DM me because I am always available for some ACOWAR fangirling.

Darkness blotted out the stars in his eyes. The darkness of assassins and thieves, the darkness of uncompromising death.

I am so thankful that Sarah let us to hear this amazing story, that we had a chance to meet The Cursebreaker Feyre, Night Lord Rhysand, Tamlin The Tool, Ancient Amren, fashion icona Mor, nasty Commander Cass, Shadowsinger Az, best buddy Suriel, death god The Bone Carver, even annoying Elain and Nesta, Tarquin, Helion, The Fox Lucien, bitch Ianthe, even King of Hybern (*pointing at Hybern‘s head* HA-HA loser). It was an amazing journey I truly won‘t forget, so thank you thank you thank you for this incredible world you‘ve painted with all those pretty words.

 Leave this world . . . a better place than how you found it.

Love, Marta

[dreaminginvelaris]

nessian analysis

im not sure if this qualifies as an analysis? It's basically me just explaining why I didn't like the nessian relationship, what it lacked, what sjm should have done.

I will be using the “anti-nessian” tag bc there are many softies here on Tumblr who get pissy whenever you have some things to say abt a beloved character or relationship that dont paint them as gods even though i dont hate them. I DO NOT hate nessian, I am not the biggest fan of them, im not entirely fond of them, I personally think we were robbed of a much deeper and flushed out relationship, but I do not hate nessian whatsoever. 

also please for the love of god don’t get butthurt and start talking about how feysand is the boring one, how feysand is so vanilla, in retaliation. stop. it makes you look childish. if you hate what i have to say abt your ship, move on. you don’t need to come on a nessian post and start talking about other ships. yes i realize i mention feysand, and rowaelin, but it was to compare how sjm usually writes her main couples.  

with that being said, let's move forward. 

sjm in the past has done an amazing job when writing romantic relationships. She's so wonderful at establishing a friendship, at establishing an emotional connection, before any romance takes place. like with rowaelin, we got to see rowan and aelin forge a friendship, from hating one another to respecting each other. before it was romantic love, it was friendly love first, it was love and respect for their friendship that made aelin threaten that bitch who i forgot the name of but who wouldn't stop touching rowan and aelin bathed her in fire until she stopped. it was the love and respect for their friendship that made rowan fight against his cadre to go save aelin, it was that love that made aelin go to maeve, threaten her ppl so Rowan could be free. 

all of this built up to the amazing relationship that is Rowaelin. it took establishing an emotional connection between the two to make what is their relationship now. the romantic/sexual part of their relationship is amazing as well, but it wouldn't have been amazing were it not for the trust their relationship was built on first. 

it's the same thing with feysand, their relationship built on trust first, on friendship, on emotional talks, on sharing their thoughts and feelings, on sharing hard truths with one another. on feyre trusting rhys with how she felt abt the whole tamlin situation, it built on rhys sharing his past, on sharing some of those horrific moments of UTM, it built on them fighting with one another, it's what made chapter 55 so amazing because it built up. it wasn't just sex right off the bat, it was forging a connection much more powerful than sex. 

which brings me to my main point, that nessian definitely lacks all of this. before it even starts, i know there are ppl who might say “but nessian was building during acomaf/acowar?”  yes, it was, we knew that there was something between them. but can you really call it an emotional build up btwn them? i mean we saw it through the eyes of feyre, so we didn't really see much of substance. we saw them exchange glances, nesta insult cass, cass tease nesta, even that one bonus chapter, but that wasn't enough buildup. because even in that bonus chapter we mainly just got to see cass corner nesta to a wall and learn how he was so turned on by her. nothing of depth and substance. 

you would expect sjm to bring this to their book. but it didn't happen. perhaps she as well thought that was enough of a build up to them, i wouldn't put it past her, her writing skills definitely are questionable in this book.

but where were the talks? where was nesta confiding to cassain abt her mother? abt her life being groomed for marriage? abt the years during the poverty, abt how she felt disgusted by herself for what she had done to feyre. for what she had not done for their family? for what she felt with her fathers death, how she felt abt elain, how she was coping?

where were the talks in which cassian confided in nesta? in where he talks abt his years in the illyrian camps, in what happened in those moments when he murdered a whole illyrian village, in which he learned he would never be able to bury his mother. the talks where he tells her how it felt to be separated from his brothers, how he felt when rhys was trapped, how it felt when feyre was taken, how it felt when he thought him and nesta were to die, at hybern and at the war. 

where was the teasing? the laughing? the pinning each other down during training, the talks during training. where was the friendship being built? just because cass tells nesta he was always her friend doesn't mean it’s not important to see it.

instead all we got was training and fucking and fucking and training. instead we got nesta jacking off cassian 200 pages in? i mean thats so out of character of nesta. this fiery woman who spent three books pushing cassian away, who made it known she ‘despised’ cassian, who made it clear she would not touch or even try to interact with cassian during her stay at the house of wind, but all of a sudden she just loses that and jacks him off? i mean the fact that nesta kept pushing cassian away was such a great opportunity for sjm to take and make it slow burn. teasing touches, never going too far but enough it made the other shiver. i mean that when the pinning each other down in training would have come in handy. but instead sjm just decided to change nestas character just like she changed cassians as well. 

(note: i am not slut shaming nesta, before any of y'all try to twist it that way, i am merely stating how in my perspective that was not something nesta would have done with cassian.

not to forget how cassian would literally leave nesta after their sexual encounters! please tell me i’m not the only one who notices that the cassian from acomaf/acowar/acofas would not have done that. this man has practically been in love with nesta since day one and he just straight up says “thanks for the ride” and leaves? uhhhh what? the cassian i knew and loved would not have done that. i mean him staying after those encounters would have been the perfect opportunity for them to have deep talks, for them to get to know one another. i mean they both claim to know each other, but do they really? 

the mating revelation was soo underwhelming too. i wanted passion, i mean thats what i was promised no? from both sjm and the nessian stans. so where was that passion during the mating revelation? i mean sjm had aelin realize rowan was her mate after rowan was shot, and she felt the fear of losing him. had rhys know fully when feyre was dying and he was trying to get to her. had ferye realize when they professed their love for each other, and she realized she had healed with him. even goddamn lucien and elain knew in such an intense way as well. and nessian? on a sidewalk. with cassian demanding nesta say it, and nesta robotically denying it. 

all im saying is that we were robbed. i like sex between two characters as much as the next person but sex doesn't matter unless there is a deep emotional connection between the two, its what makes chemistry between two characters amazing. 

also lets mention how cassian didn't even say i love you to nesta. PLSSS WHAT WAS THAT

the only part in the whole 700+ page book that actually felt deeper and much more stronger between the two of them was when nesta broke down and admitted she hated herself and cassian consoled her. but that was what? 3 pages and then they proceeded to continue to fuck during their “healing hike” nah that aint it

all im saying is that nessian was much more fun and sexy when it was through feyre’s perspective.