#fetus talks to Charlie

[sofs16]

let you break my heart again — 6

note. i messed up the timeline last chapter, so you can skim it over because stuff changed 😊

taglist @1655clean @uuzhanggggggg @cmleitora @annie115 @valntynebaby @mrosales16 @d3kstar @stopeatread @chimchimjiminie16 @viennakarma @peqch-pie @scaramou @daniellarogers @yourbane @maplesyrupsainz @needtokeepfeelingsincheck @blueflorals @c-losur3 @glow-ish @emryb @delululeclerc

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♫ mr perfectly fine - taylor swift

liked by yn.yln, and 1,272,584 others charles_leclerc Dreams do come true... I'II be driving for scuderiaferrari for the 2019 Formula 1 World Championship.

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yn.yln Congrats, Charles! 🎉

⤷ charles_leclerc Thank you so much, Y/n/n! Couldn’t do this without you❤️ 😊

⤷ user11 ship

f1 Welcome to red, Charles! 🏎️

scuderiaferrari 😍😍

october 9, 2018

october 10

“charlie! charles!” yn ran, bag in clutch and drink still in hand when she saw charles making his way out of the event they were both invited to. he turned around, smiling at the familiar voice, albeit clearly not sober.

“y/n/n!” he smiled at her taking a quick sip at her drink “i thought about it and i do want to go to that harry potter exhibition. honestly, i was going to go by myself until you asked, the dates just didn’t line up. are you free on your birthday? — silly question i’m so-”

“i am free for you” he interrupted, smiling softly “nice… yeah! okay! i’ll buy the tickets and-“ “no, do not worry about that. i will arrange everything” she shrugged and took a sip of the drink “…and all you need to do is look pretty and bring your harry potter knowledge, which you do everyday” she choked on her drink and laughed “why are you all so confident flirting now, charlie?” charles knew she was definitely drunk by the way she was swaying and using her old nickname for him.

“I thought I made my intentions clear with the flowers, mon coeur” charles raised his eyebrow “it takes more than flowers to win me over” she whispered with a smile and walked away

“night, charles!” she greeted, leaving the glass at a table near by “night, y/n/n” he smiled, shaking his head; oh he was going to do more than flowers.

yn.yln

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, and 2,483,293 others

yn.yln Thank you for a lovely night, f1 🩶 view all 326,171 comments

landonorris Damn… missed the party and missed seeing a gorgeous lady 🙁

⤷ yn.yln jeez 😭😭😭 GIVE IT UP BABY LANDOO

⤷ landonorris baby? 😘 i’d happily give everything up for you

⤷ yn.yln baby because you’re a fetus and focus on your job😒

⤷ landonorris Anything you sayyyyy

charles_leclerc 😍😍😍

⤷ user2 SQUARE UP LECLERC. NORRIS STEALING YOUR GIRL

october 13, 2018

landonorris

liked by yn.yln, charles_leclerc, and others landonorris Are you a parking ticket? 'cause you've got fine written all over you 😏 🍑#pickuplines#mclaren#f1

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yn.yln Lando…you will be a pain in the ass to your PR manager😭

⤷ landonorris Ok. I’m only talking to you, by the way. 😉

⤷ yn.yln I’ll see you on the grid next season, Lando.

f1 😂

october 14, 2018

charles_leclerc

liked by yn.yln, and 837,695 others

charles_leclerc Eyes on this week 👀

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user16 charles thirst trappingish after that Lando post and comment section😭😭😭

october 15, 2018

october 16

charles knocked on your door, flowers in hand, with a smile on his face. you opened the door, struggling putting your necklace on. “charles! you’re early! you can come in” “i got too excited and got here early” he smiled shyly and scratched the back of his neck. “are those for me?” you eyed the flowers.

“Oh, yes!” He hands it over to you and you smell it for a second, your favorites. With the flowers out of the way, Charles could properly see you. He couldn’t take his gaze away from you. He admired you as you put the flowers in some water and grabbed a small bag from your luggage. “Happy birthday, Charles” you handed the bag to him and he looked at it “Can I open it now?” “Of course”

He took out a tiny box that had a custom Ferrari charm inside. “I noticed you still had the silver bracelet I gave you before, might want to add this charm since you’re Ferrari now” you shrugged and sat on the bed to put on your shoes.

“i- I love it so much” he smiled at you, taking a seat beside you. He hooked it in the bracelet and looked at the little details. 5 years ago you had given him this bracelet, saying he could add charms if he’d like. Over the years, he’d added little bead charms that didn’t dangle so he could always wear it without violating the racing dress code or it interfering with his driving.

You two set off to the Harry Potter museum which was roughly 30 minutes away from the main city. You looked out the window while Charles drove with light music playing. “I’m sorry” he said randomly. It had been 10 minuted into the drive when he spoke. “For?” You turned to him “I should have paid more attention to you before. I was caught up with all those girls and… I lost sight of you” your heart clenched. You couldn’t do this again.

the apology you had waited years for was finally here, yet it didn’t fill the hole you thought it would. “Mhm” you bit your lip and stared out the window again “I realized it too late. It is embarrassing to say but I only realized it when you left; when I got that letter” he turned to you and you licked your lips before facing him “So what are you implying?”

“Actions speak louder than words, so I am going to show you how important you are in my life. I am just thankful we are in the same field and I hope you give me a second chance. Like I said the last time we saw each other, I plan to do more than flowers” you hummed while looking at him “What do you think, cherié?” That damn nickname again.

“ I really want it to work with us, because I missed you truly. But it’s also been five years, we aren’t the same people we were then, and I think you hurt me too much” you told him honestly, words racking his head. “Yes, we are not the same as five years ago. Because this time I am wiser to not let you go.”

There wasn’t much to say about your Harry Potter trip. You and Charles both freaked out like geeks as you saw everything. Unbeknownst to you, he was taking photos of you the whole time while enjoying as well. He bought you both a cloak beforehand and you truly felt like you were in your little Harry Potter bubble, with him.

The drive back was less awkward, full of laughs. It was around 6pm the time you both made it back to the city. you and charles had dinner as he suggested. dinner was full of lingering looks as you ate your ramen, fully demolishing the plate after hours of jumping up and down with excitement.

after that you both took a walk, spotting a photo booth that he dragged you into. they used to be something you loved with Charles, taking the silliest of photos. you both smiled walking out and bringing charles to a little cafe. you bought him a cupcake and a candle wishing him a happy birthday.

he could have well partied tonight. he could have been surrounded by hundreds of people to celebrate with him tonight lavishly, yet he was here with you. he was here: sitting in a tiny cafe with a tiny cupcake with you, and he wouldn’t change it for the world.

f1gossip

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f1gossip F1 Presenter Yn Yln seen out with Charles Leclerc in Tokyo today, his birthday! view all 839 comments

user77 ship. october 16, 2018

yn.yln

📍 japan, harry potter studio

liked by charles_leclerc, and 4,274,282 others

yn.yln harry ‘the chosen one’ pottah vs charles ‘il predestinato’ leclerc⚡️

view all 274,679 comments

gigihadid 😜

charles_leclerc Thank you for today, yn.yln 😊❤️

⤷ yn.yln anytime birthday boy:) LETS GO USA 🦅

october 16, 2018

༘˚⋆𐙚 yn.yln posted an instagram story

caption: happiest birthday to this little ravenclaw harry potter wizard! glad to have spent your special day with you! 🌟

seen by charles_leclerc, landonorris, and 2,373,912 others

replies

charles_leclerc merci, cherié 🩷 only wanted to spend today with you yn.yln Ofc, Charles! See you this weekend :) 💌

charles_leclerc

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charles_leclerc 21 today with the only person I want to spend the day with:) Thanks for the treat yn.yln, you next! view all 201,583 comments

user_yn thought this was a hardlaunch

yn.yln Happiest birthday, Charles! 🤍

user72 HOLD THE DOOR. CHARLES UNARCHIVED ALL HIS BIRTHDAY GREETINGS FOR YN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 5 POSTS FOR HER 😭😭😭😭

user92 WHOEVER DOESN’T SHIP THEM IS LYING

user16 wait why is that pic like old since kids? They go that back? ⤷ user72 oh girl u don’t know? they were childhood sweethearts ish. yn was IN LOVE with him for years but he just had random girlfriends and she left for college

⤷ user16 second chance love 😍

user100 “only person i want to spend the day with” ahhahahahahaahahhaahahahahahaha. Haha.

october 16, 2018

[foreverfangirlsblog]

Unresponsive (Husk x Mute!Reader)

3356 Words

Summary:

Husk wasn't at the Hotel when you were first introduced to the residents so how was he supposed to know you couldn't talk? He would try to make conversation with you but to no avail. Was it something he did? Did you simply not like him? You seemed to get along with everyone else...so why not him? And even more so, why did it bother him so much?

**This is cross posted

The most recent extermination was a rough one...you didn't double die but you did run into some extremely heinous exorcists. Instead of killing you the group of exorcists decided to have "fun" and torture you. The torture included many beatings, cuts, and degrading. But worst of all...they decided to rip your tongue out after you threw some vulgar words their way. Even though they didn't kill you they may have well left you for dead, who knows maybe after all their torture and mutilation they really did think that they finished you off. Not you, you wouldn't give that easily. No way in hell.

The next couple of days after the extermination you went from alley to alley trying to avoid as many people as you can. Your apartment was also blown up by the bastards and without the ability to talk, well what were you supposed to do? You couldn't get a new place without talking, you had no phone to help you translate, so sleeping on the streets honestly seemed like the easier option.

One night as you were huddled up in the corner of an alley trying your best to drown out the surrounding noise someone came up to you. You tried ignoring them as the approached but they were coming straight for you and then tapped your shoulder, can't avoid them now.

You sighed as you raised your head from your fetus position. The girl standing before you was a tall girl with light blonde hair and red circles for cheeks, dressed in a red suit. "Hello!" she said way too enthusiastically. "My name is Charlie! I couldn't help but notice you over here..." she took a look around you, noticing your belongings in some dufflebags to the side of you. "...are you living on the streets?"

You slightly nodded annoyed that she would ask such an obvious question.

"Oh that's great!" she said as she bounced, clapping her hands together in glee.

Your face was deadpanned, as you tilted your head to the side to show confusion. 'How the fuck is that great' you thought to yourself instead of speaking like you would've liked.

"Oh no no I didn't mean-what I meant is that's great because I have a place you can live!" she said trying to clarify, but you were still confused and waited for her to continue. "I have a hotel, the Hazbin Hotel! It's a place where sinners can live for free while they try to atone for their sins, redeem themselves, and hopefully get into heaven!!!" she finished stating as she did jazz hands.

You stayed silent thinking over her proposal. You didn't really know if getting "redeemed" was actually possible but what better option did you have? Continue living on the streets? No thank you. You stood up and dusted off your pants before extending your hand out to her with a shy smile, trying to show that you'd like to take her up on her offer.

She squealed and gladly took you hand, shaking it wildly. "Oh my goodness that's amazing!! You're my first recruit!!! Well besides Angel of course...oh never mind! I'm so excited for you to come! Here come with me we can go right now! Oh! Here let me carry your bag for you too!" she rambled excitedly.

You simply laughed at her and helped her with the bags as you followed her out the alley, before she stopped."Oh wait I'm so sorry I didn't get your name."

You stiffened and stopped walking, you opened your mouth to try and say something but had no luck. 'Dammit' you thought

She looked at you puzzled so you did something you hope you won't have to do again...you open your mouth to her and pointed to show her why you weren't answering her question.

She gasped a little and gave you a look of sympathy. It's easy to assume how this happened to you so she didn't ask anymore questions. "Don't worry I have an idea" she said softly as she took out her phone from her pocket and handed it to you with it unlocked, notes app ready to go. You typed slowly into the phone and then show it to her 'My name is YN'

She grinned happily before taking the phone back "Well Y/N its so nice to meet you! Let's get you to the hotel shall we?"

-----------------------------------------------------------

---Flash Forward to arriving to the hotel with Charlie---

Charlie burst through the doors of the hotel suddenly, eager to tell everyone the news about the newest resident. "EVERYONE GET TO THE LOBBY NOW I HAVE EXCITING NEWS!!" She yelled to an empty room.

Slowly a group of demons entered the room and gathered in the lobby space, expectedly looking to Charlie for her announcement. You saw 5 demons in total. "Everyone this is Y/N! Our newest resident!! Y/N this is Alastor, Sir Pentious, Angel, Niffty, Vaggie, and Hus-oh where's Husk?" Charlie introduced everyone one by one but then stopped, asking no one in particular.

The red deer like demon who you now know to be Alastor answered her "Oh I sent old Husker on an errand for me" His voice was filled with static like an old radio and had a tone of slyness to it.'He looks like a deer but sounds as sly as a fox' you thought to yourself.

"Oh okay no matter!" Charlie waved it off as everyone said hello to you then waited expectedly for you to return a greeting. But instead you simply waved shyly and looked at Charlie for help. "OH!"Charlie exclaimed, "I forgot to mention uh..." she hesitated "Y/N can't really talk. But no worries! I'll be going out later to get a phone for her to communicate and participate in our exercises!"

Majority of the group really didn't know how to react and just stood there looking at you with that same look of sympathy that Charlie did earlier. 'Is it sympathy or just pity?' you thought to yourself before Alastor broke the deafening silence, "Welcome my dear! In absence of our normal concierge allow me to get you settled in hm?"

With that Alastor guided you away from the others and thus started your journey to redemption.

-----------------------------------------------------------

You decided to mostly keep to yourself that day after Alastor got you settled in, besides you didn't know when Charlie would give you the phone to help with communication and you didn't really want to play charades to make conversation with anyone.

Despite you wanting to stay away from the others your stomach betrayed you, you had to get something to eat and drink or else you'd go mad. You slowly made your way out of your room and towards the lobby. As you entered the lobby you immediately noticed someone who you weren't introduced to before. 'Is this that Husker guy they mentioned before?' you thought to yourself. The person, or I guess cat in front of you is black and white with speckled gray here and there, a top hat and matching bowtie. 'Not bad looking'.

As you advanced further the cat stopped looking down the bottom of his beer bottle and instead looked in your direction, finally acknowledging your existence. "Who the fuck are you?" he scowled.

You were shocked for a moment but then scowled right back at him 'Who pissed in his drink' you thought, put off by his unprompted sour attitude.

He stared at you expectedly. But when you didn't responded he spoke again, louder than before "Are you stupid?? I asked who-"

Before he could finish Charlie interrupted. "Y/N! There you are I was just about to bring you the phone!"

'Thank goodness'

Charlie quickly walked over to you and presented the new phone to you. You gave her a grateful smile as you held the phone close to you.

"Haha you're welcome!" She responded before realizing Husk was still staring at you, annoyed. "Oh Husk I'm sorry this is our new resident Y/N! She arrived earlier today while you were out on an errand" Husk nodded. "Husk Y/N, Y/N Husk!"

"Nice to meet you Y/N" Husk mumbled grumpily, a bit embarrsed by his rashness from before.

Your smile faded as you awkwardly waved to him.

"Y/N you must be starving come let me show you to the kitchen!" you were grateful to Charlie for getting you out of that situation.

----------------------------------------------

As the day passed you ventured out of your room more and more frequently but gradually. You kind of developed a routine. You'd sit in the lobby and hang out with Angel on most days, sometimes Vaggie too. You'd converse with them as best you could then later at night when most everyone went to sleep you'd visited the bar for a drink. You were a bit embarrassed having to use a phone to talk to people, so if you could get away with it you wouldn't use it. Answering questions with a simple nod, shake, or shrug seemed to do the trick a lot of the time. Often when you talked to Angel and Maggie you were comfortable enough (and they were patient enough) to allow you to use the phone to have better, meaningful conversations with them...but other people....or cats.....weren't the same.

The first time you went to the bar Husk quickly asked you "What do you want?".

'Blunt isn't he' you thought. You didn't know what was available and didn't really care to go through the efforts of asking so you just shrugged.

"Dammit you'll drink whatever I give you then" Husk turned his back to you a muttered some other choice words before presenting you with a drink. You awkwardly had a few more then went away to your room.

Things continued like this for quite sometime, a month even. Every night you'd make your routine visit to Husk at the bar, have a mostly one sided conversation with Husk-throw in some nods and shrugs consume a handful of drinks the leave.

Husk wasn't use to people not trauma dumping their problems onto him. You didn't really open up to him at all. You'd get your drink and HE would be the one having to pry a conversation from YOU. Even when he'd ask you a bunch of questions to try and get to know you better the most he'd receive is a nod confirming his question, or shrug indicating what? It was none of his business. This annoyed him GREATLY. Man was frustrated. He wanted to get to know you, everyone else seemed to love you. You bonded well with everyone,..but him. You intrigued him.

One night you and Angel were having such a fun time hanging out in the lobby together. Your laughter even filled the room, and much to Husk's annoyance, his ears. Usually Angel had to work late nights with Val so he never joined you for your late night bar trips so this was the first time he was able to join you at the bar for some drinks. "Come on bitch lets go get wasted"

Husk stiffened, mentally preparing himself to be a third wheel in this conversation.

"Get us allll the drinks Husker! I'm finally getting this hot chick wasted" Husk rolled his eyes at Angel as you blushed at Angels confidence

"Alright alright, don't kill the poor girl"

"She can handle her liquor!" Angel laughed and turned to you, but you just shrugged.

You and Angel sat right next to each other, as close as possible so Angel can quickly see your responses on your phone as you typed.

After many drinks and jokes Husk was growing more and more irritable. He didn't know what you both were talking about and it was driving him mad that neither of you bothered to include him in the conversation. 'At least speak loud enough for me to eavesdrop damn...' he thought.

"Alright toots ill be right back I gotta take a piss, don't wait up have a couple more rounds" Angel said quickly as he winked at you before leaving to the bathroom "Keep her entertained whiskers!"

"Fuck off!" Husk yelled after him before he was out of sight from you both.

Now it was your turn to tense up. You were a bit tipsy now and it was growing harder and harder to communicate via typing with your agility becoming so discombobulated. Husk sighed and leaned closer to you. "Do you even know how many drinks you can have before you black out? Cause I'm telling ya right now I'm not carrying you to bed and neither is your long legged buddy after he's done" Husker teased and you responded with a small laugh and shrug.

Not as reactive as he would've hoped but it was still something.

Husk slipped another drink to you before asking his next question, "So, I hope you don't mind me asking...' he started much more serious "but how'd you wind up here? I know almost everything about everyone here, except for you. Ms. Mystery" Husk teased slightly.

You took out your phone and started typing a response to him sloppily and slower, much slower than usual.

Husk showed a hurt expression on his face before contouring it into anger and annoyance. 'Who the fuck just blatantly ignores someone like that??' Husk thought. "Listen if you don't want to talk to me just tell me there's no need to be a bitch about it!" He said angrily.

You stopped typing and looked up at him shocked.

"Don't act innocent now you just straight up ignored me! You can leave my bar for all I care! You-" Husk was growing louder and angrier by the word but before he could continue Angel came running over to you both.

"Husk why the fuck are you yelling at Y/N?!" Angel asked Husk glaring at him.

"Tried to keep her company like you said but this bitch just pulls out her phone and ignores me! Like I don't have better things to do than have a one sided conversation with her" Husk stated as if it was obvious

"Oh my god you fucking idiot"

"What??" Husk said growing even more annoyed. Oblivious to the situation.

"SHE CAN'T TALK YOU ASSHOLE"

"Huh?" His voice was significantly quieter now, almost not audible, "the fuck you mean she can't talk?"

"She's been here for almost a month and you didn't know she couldn't talk??? Are you stupid or just dumb??"

Husk didn't know what to say. He looked over to you and his heart broke. You were looking down trying not to cry in from of them. Angel followed his gaze to also notice the fight against your tears. "Look what you did you asshole" Angel glared at Husk before holding your shoulders, leading you away from the bar and towards his room "Come on Y/N lets go play with Fat Nuggets he missed you the other day"

'I fucked up.....' Husk thought to himself.

-------------------------------------------

Husk couldn't sleep at all that night. He felt so incredibly guilty for yelling at you like that, and even more for not knowing that you couldn't talk. How did he not notice it before?? No one is that shy. Why didn't anyone tell him? That's kind of an important detail to mention when you introduce someone. Then he remembered Charlie didn't mention it when she introduced them. 'Where's Charlie?!'

"Charlie!!" Husk said, almost yelling as he knocked aggressively on her door.

"Husk?" Vaggie said with a raspy morning voice "it's like 5 in the morning why are you knocking on our door like there's fire!" She was obviously irritated by being woken up.

"I need to talk to Charlie" Vaggie gave him a questioning look "Please, it's important" Husk practically begging? Vaggie woke up Charlie to talk to him.

"What's wrong Husk? Did something happen?" Charlie asked before yawning.

"Um, well. Not exactly. But I need to know something" Charlie looks at Husk confused as he stumbles on his words "Y/N can't talk?"

"HE DIDN'T KNOW Y/N CANT TALK?!" Vaggie practically yelled

Husk groaned as Charlie hushed her girlfriend.

"Ya I know im a fucking moron hahaha." He deadpanned, "Why can't Y/N talk????"

"Husk....Y/N had her tongue ripped out by an exorcist"

Husks face dropped even more than it already had, he felt like he was gonna throw up "What?"

"You really didn't know?? That's why I gave her the phone the first day I introduced you remember? She uses it to communicate"

Husk facepalmed and dragged his paw down his face "I'm so stupid." He hit his head "Stupid stupid UGHHHH"

"Why?? WHAT happened Husk?" Charlie insisted.

"I may or may not have yelled at Y/N because she was on her phone instead of talking to me?" Charlie's mouth was open from shock "I thought she was ignoring me...I don't know. I messed up"

"Royaly" Vaggie said.

How was he going to fix this?

----------------------------------

Over the next few days your normal routine changed. You ignored Husk as much as you could. He hated himself more and more everyday for the misunderstanding and wanted to apologize as soon as he saw you, make it up to you. But he never saw you.

Husk was at the bar late in the evening as Angel got back to the hotel from work and tried to pass him to get to the hallway. "Angel wait please"

"Wow never thought I'd hear you say please. What do you want Husk?" Angel said annoyed, just now noticing the bags he carried.

He could't help his curiosity "What's all that?" Husk questioned motioning to the bags

"Uhh its drinks for Y/N actually...since you know"

Husk felt sick again. Angel turned away to continue to the hallway "Wait let me bring those to her"

Angel turned to husk confused "Why the hell would I let you do that?"

"Please" Husk begged "I want to apologize to her but she's been avoiding me, let me do this, she'll answer the door and I'll make it better." Angel was hesitant and skeptic "Please, I'll owe you one'

Angels eyebrow raised "Tempting....fine here, don't tell her I approved this"

"Thank you" His quickly took the bag of drinks from Angel and went to your door.

'Okay Husk don't fuck this up'

*knock knock knock*

Husk could hear rustling behind the door. Then a few moments later the door cracked open and Y/N peaked her head out to check who it was. Upon seeing Husk there, in his tired form, Y/N's mouth made an O shape. "Y/N" he breathed "Can I come in please. I brought a peace offering" he referred to the booze.

Y/N opened the door wider for him, allowing him in her room.

He was instantly hit with the aroma of her scent. It made his fur stand up a bit straighter.

After she closed the door and took the offering away from him she looked at him expectedly.

"Listen uh. I wanted to apologize for yelling at you. I really am an idiot I genuinely, GENUINELY didn't know about your...situation." You broke eye contact with him for a moment but then you locked eyes with him again before he continued "Im an asshole. You didn't deserve that I just-just didn't know why you didn't talk to me like you did the others....You seemed to bond so well with everyone else but you never opened up to me. I just, I don't know"

This time you held up your finger, indicating for him to wait a moment. You took out your phone and typed 'So what you're saying is you were a jerk because you want to get to know me better?'

He laughed and shyly responded "Yeah basically"

'Lets. sit down and crack open these drinks. Seems like we have a lot of catching up to do' you typed to him and he blushed. Thank hell you were so understanding.

[aurorasilverthorne]

Unholy Notions

Chapter #1: Loopholes & Bylaws

___________________

Charlie stared up at the portrait of Sir Pentious. Her father had painted it himself in honor of the snake sinner's bravery and self-sacrifice. Tears blurred the corners of Charlie’s eyes as she placed her hand on the picture of her fallen friend and bowed her head.

“I’m sorry, Pen. You deserved so much better,” she whispered, curling her hand into a fist. “I won’t give up. I’ll prove redemption is possible, I promise.”

“Charlie!”

She turned at the sound of her name. Vaggie stood at the top of the stairs overlooking the Hazbin Hotel’s lobby. “Your dad needs to talk to you. We found something in the records. You’re gonna wanna hear this.”

Charlie ran up the stairs and followed her girlfriend into her father’s private suite. Lucifer was seated at the table pouring over Hell’s law and regulation tomes. “Dad? What’s up?”

“We have a problem,” he answered, straightening his back.

Charlie frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Lucifer handed her a copy of the book he was reading. “Remember that old bylaw that said Hell must always have an heir in case its current or future rulers perish?”

“Yeah?”

“When I signed the agreement with Heaven, no one knew angels were susceptible to permanent death by angelic steel.”

Vaggie cocked an eyebrow. “So?”

“The law states that every ruler must provide at least one heir before they ascend the throne. Charlie doesn’t have one.”

Vaggie tensed. “And we can’t conceive a child together because we’re both women. Are you telling me she’s going to have to marry someone else and have their child?”

Lucifer threw up his hands waving in surrender. “No! No, no, no—nothing like that. The law allows her to choose a surrogate mother and father who will sire and carry the child on her behalf.”

“How does that work?”

“Charlie and I will transfer some of our powers into a potion. The surrogates drink it and the powers transfer from them to the fetus once the baby is conceived. If anything happens to me or Charlie, the rest of our power transfers from us to the heir ensuring its status as ruler of Hell.”

“What kind of surrogates would I need?” Charlie asked.

Lucifer pointed to a specific line of text. “According to this, you have the right to choose whoever you think is best. It doesn’t even matter if they’re hellborn or sinners.”

Vaggie leaned in to read the fine print. “I thought sinners couldn’t reproduce.”

“Normally, they can’t. Charlie’s mom added the loophole in this particular case because she considered herself the first sinner, which makes me the first true hellborn, I suppose.”

Charlie flopped down in the chair next to him still clutching her copy of the book. “I don’t know anything about what makes a good surrogate. Can’t I just…I don’t know…wait until Vaggie and I are ready to find a sperm donor or something?”

“You might’ve been able to put it off,” Lucifer said giving her an apologetic look, “but word’s gotten out about the angelic weapons. If someone takes you out before you have a designated heir…”

“Every power-hungry prick in Hell will be chomping at the bit to get their hands on your crown,” Vaggie realized.

Charlie leaned back in her chair and groaned. “Fuuuck.”

Lucifer sighed. “It has to be done, Char-Char.”

Vaggie put a hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, babe. You can do this. And I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

Charlie sat up to look at her. “Really? You promise?”

Vaggie gave her a reassuring smile and nodded. “Hell yeah.”

______________

Vaggie scowled. “Oh, hell no.”

Charlie blanched. “Vaggie!”

Alastor folded his arms and narrowed his eyes at the ex-exorcist angel. “My sentiments exactly.”

Rosie sat in the chair beside him. She’d known when she’d walked in that Charlie’s invitation to the hotel would be anything but a social visit or some half-hearted attempt at trying to talk her into becoming a resident. The girl had sounded nervous over the phone. The empty glass in Alastor’s hand had only confirmed her suspicions. He’d already downed two bourbons by the time she’d joined them at the bar for a bit of liquid courage.

She took another sip of Bordeaux red before addressing Charlie. “Don’t misunderstand, sweetie. We’re honored you’d consider us for such a…er…that’s a lot to ask, princess.” Rosie didn’t know how else to put it. Fighting exterminators with the promise of food for her people was one thing, but conceiving a child she’d have to give up?

“I know it is,” Charlie admitted, “but you’re so warm, friendly, supportive, and loving. I figured…since you're that way with your cannibals, maybe…”

“That’s why it’s not a good idea," Rosie explained, "I’d never be able to carry a baby for nine months just to hand it over to someone else. The idea of being separated from my own flesh and blood…of not being in his or her life…”

Charlie’s eyes widened. “What? No! Rosie, we’d never do that to you or Al.” She reached across the bar and took the cannibal leader’s hands in hers. “You’d both take part in the child’s upbringing. Vaggie and I—we’re gonna need all the help we can get.”

“You can say that again,” Angeldust muttered from where he was lounging on a nearby sofa. “That kid’s gonna need major therapy with Smiles and Dollface as its parents.”

Rosie glared at Angel. “No one asked you.”

Alastor ignored Angel’s jab. He didn’t like where this was going. The softening of Rosie’s expression and voice when she spoke to Charlie of children unnerved him. He shook his head. “Absolutely not.”

“But Al—” Charlie began.

He cut her off. “Charlotte, what in Satan’s name ever made you think I’d be a suitable option for surrogacy?”

Charlie hesitated. “Well…I mean…you’re so protective of the hotel and…you took on Adam for us during the extermination, so I thought…”

Static crackled as the weight of his stare bore down on her. “The hotel is an investment. And Adam was a challenge, which is something I enjoy.”

“Parenthood is a challenge,” Charlie replied sheepishly. “It can be an investment too…right?”

Alastor exhaled in exasperation. “Not for this demon. I have no desire to play a role in this endeavor. Now if you’ll excuse me…” He set his unfinished drink down on the counter and turned to leave.

“Al, wait—please!” Charlie stood up to follow him, but Rosie intercepted her.

“Let me talk to him,” she said, giving Charlie’s forearm a gentle squeeze.

“But…” Charlie released a dejected sigh and lowered her gaze. “Okay.” She watched Rosie make her way up the stairs and down the hall until she disappear around the corner leading to Alastor’s room.

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Vaggie murmured.

Charlie swallowed the lump of emotions in her throat. So do I, she thought.

___________________

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!!! Hazbin Hotel and all of its characters belong to Vivziepop and Amazon Prime.

[hausofmamadas]

PRIMOGENITAL | the Wisdom of Fredward Horniman

From The Gentlemen, Episode 1 - Refined Agression

∴

Look, you guys. He’s really suffered, okay?

He’s been STABBED in the heart, he’s been London-BRIDGED(?), he’s been FUCKED in the face, DOGGED on the floor.

And it’s true. He has, despite being the firstborn son, been relegated to the truly harrowing fate of being the most embarrassingly, painfully, mediocre progeny in the family line, that his dad had no choice but to break with 600yrs of tradition and cut him out of the will, passing everything to younger, much cooler more responsible brother, Edwina “Eddie” Horniman. And isn’t not having a bullshit title, nor the crushing debt of his father’s failed above-board business, nor having to deal with the surprise! extensive, underground potfarm on the estate grounds and all the accompanying stress and criminal hijinx with it— well, isn’t it just the most traumatic thing you can imagine???????

Now all Freddy gets to do is:

live in historic mansion with way-too-cool-to-be-caught-dead-with-him, Inexplicable-Stunt-Driver-Wife Tamasina (known by abs legendary nickname of Wham Tam) who also, when asked by Freddy in a moment of desperation if she thinks he’s a cock, rightly points out, “all men are cocks, Freddy”

pal around in chicken costume and steal cars with chill asf brother that he only occasionally wants dead, Steady Eddie who’s legit so good at everything that Freddy doesn’t have to be good at anything

go “fishing” aka chuck live grenades into lake full of salmon, a method worthy of Park-Tuna-Assassin Ramon Arellano Félix and invent Crack!Weed another Ramon-coded pasttime with bestie-botanist and lover of all things hydroponic, hallucinogenic, and Special Sauce, Jimmy Chang …. AND

Skeet shoot out in picturesque estate garden with creature-whisperer, actual live angel, and all around Dilf-of-the-manor, Geoff

Oh, the horror.

No, but honestly, I cannot summon from memory a single character I have so biblically despised on first watch, only to full 180, violently swing in the opposite direction to straight glee/appreciation for the comedic marvel that is Mr. (not!)Duke-SirFancyPants-RoyalDumpsterFire-LordSomethingErOther, the one, the only, Frederick “Fredward” Horniman aka thisprince👇

Yeah, talk about refined aggression? I had some refined ass aggression toward ole Fred, here. Like when I tell you I hated this “man,” I h a t e d this man.

All I could think the whole time, on first watch was, wowowow, y’know what’s worse than a useless, entitled, infantile, drug-addled, narcissistic man-fetus …?

A loud useless, entitled, infantile, drug-addled, narcissistic man-fetus.

My mans, Eddie is wayyy too generous here☝️and every other time he bails Freddy out of whatever pigshit he manages to shove his full face into bc I’d be throwing more than paper. That antique furniture would regrettably be sailing thru the air, straight at that fat melon of this nepo-baby dressed in DivineRightofKings drag, if only to get a precious few fucking seconds of silence.

Like the only one reacting appropriately here is Charly☝️who Freddy snarkily calls Lady Macbeth with a mix of love and contempt only a sibling can display which like, not the best? insult? To be called one of the most groundbreaking female characters of all time? But our boy is nothing if not scholarly, right. So im sure he super paid attention when the class was reading Macbeth

So, yeah. He’s basically the worst. There’s a metric fuck ton of evidence to support that. AND YET, this mf isn’t completely useless bc after my 2nd and 3rd rewatch specifically witnessing the genius that is his alter ego, plastic Russian gangster, Anatoly Givenchy Romanov who laavs orange cars and Siberian tigers let me do tell you, against my better judgment, I found myself growing to love and adore the (2nd) funniest character in an already hilarious show (crown goes to beautiful tropical fish Jimmy bc mans always proper vibin’)

And now, when I watch this scene, instead of berserker levels of enraged, I’m struck with a disorienting combo of secondhand cringe + juvenile glee??? Like instead of wanting to aggravated manslaughter my own tv, I’m just “awww, Fredward. What a little nothing you are. Look how silly you look in your lil boarding school jumper.” And it feels good(?) but mostly bad. And then I do this

like the true American scum that I am.

═

taglist: @drabbles-mc @when-did-this-become-difficult @narcolini, @ladygoatee ⇝ tagged bc even tho you have zero intention of watching, you were diligently taking notes

[camp-queer-and-there]

lucille my old hag can you hit that

THIS SHIT LACED😭 im forreal a freak just lmk👀👅 ohio skibidi toilet oi oi oi😏 maxdesignpro WHAT!? HELP ME! HELP = 👍 fetus sebastian hes so ugly i cant would you rather have 1 million dollars or CANCER! art is lowkey so amazingly beautiful...gigachad sigma LET HIMM COOK!🗣️🗣️ uwu >_< anyone got anyone spongebob x reader👀 only in eastern latvia💀 ohio final boss grimace shake charlie the steak ishowspeed kai cenat the amazing digital circus pomni garten of banban caseoh gyatt super mogger looksmaxxing based and redpilled diabolical lick😈erm what the sigma oh! thats not!- getting my top surgery done at claires POV: youre ben shapiros mom and hes convincing to let him get gta5 i feel like calling you a slur.. what type of gay are you, since you dont have it in your bio... the european mind cannot comprehend this drew phillips: hello im drew phillips the ahh magic i finna be in the pit on cap. 123°!? gurrrll we are not thanksgiving turkeys😂and thats on period fahrenheit lankybox elisocray INSANE UNBOXING! gegagedigedagedago we can go gyatt for gyatt fuck that we can go rizz for rizz 19 bucks for the fortnite card double pump with the fanum tax THE BIG APPLE! drake vs kendrick beef p diddy dr disrespect annoying orange if garlic was a person my name is drake and im here to say.. kendrick lamar your disses arent okay! diss me diss me now you gotta kiss me quandale dingle mf doom dookie baby girl my pookie wubbleshmubble kins whats hurts more than being yelled at be skinned alive probably pov: i am your cashier during february (and i notice you are black) you look like tyler the creator if he was in my dreams ray william johnson sybrian dancing lady oh when the saints go marching in oh when the saints go marching in todoroki gives birth alone jumbo josh is lost in the zumb sauce lightskin touch the moon bozo cant im walking my fish why are frogs so stupid show me your griddy show me your griddy.... show me your... DOHHH THATS ONE WAY TO HIT THE GRIDDY. THATS ONE WAY TO HIT THE GRIDDY grwm to go to bath and body works temu workers getting ready to clock in day in the life of a twitch streamer your final challenge.. let yo bih go through your phone!... AH HELL NAW YO ASS TWEAKIN JIGSAW quavo stop thats the gayest shit ever amoeba sisters angst preppycon 2024 kart ride into spongebob youve been here before.. a weirdcore dreamcore kidcore clowncore playlist. my talking tom her body tea is insane😭 my aura is unmatched DO NOT PLAY CREEPY BATH GAME AT 3AM!!!!!!!! *THIS IS WHY* ALMOST DROWNED school isnt done but i am💀 omg u did call me baby.. maybe ..omg did he call her baby.. maybe.. im not okay..... bark for me. pov family dinner😭💀why u so pissed ...what me when i get mustard for christmas yall when i put on my dad fit "FREAKYbob" I AINT ANSWERING!! HELPP IM DEADDDD wait no im not maya winky boyfriend takes you out to eat but his opps slide on him [boyfriend asmr] mrbeast might ne TOO BIG to he cancelled squid games i hope someone dies and goes to hell today me staring at the sephora employee in the eye as i "sample" a $800 perfume cats when you cover their cage with a blanket blud thinks hes the main character💀 omg a rare gyatt sighting ninja fortnite sneako the ocky way new yorkian vermontian how 10 yr old me felt after putting "i dont speak tags" in an argument holy fricking smokes dude.. my cut is insane... shout out to my barber dawg! bro thinks hes the thinker waterless baked water what i would wear to my isis execution why did my dog just punch me😓 #STOPBULLYING💯

i mean.. i kind of ocd😁 you mean OBESity stop doing the golden freddy pose youre scaring the kids when a client wants to trauma dump first session when i dont have enough diamonds on episode so now i gotta shit in the school hallway in front of my crush phone and youtube video lobster activity someone shot trump in the ear he wouldnt have missed goku drip well my mother always said the best flowers get picked first dudes been waiting for his mcflurry since 1786 ladies ladies one at a time please😍 rio de janeiro the oppblock hazbin hotel boy rejoice creepy autism simulator my scary silent hill whos ivan mac n cheeks freak island home sweet home.. blud always looking at sum😭😭😭when face id acting up so you gotta LOCK IN fuck im washed WAIT IM GOATED why the mob isnt a fucking aesthetic: a thread this where the magic happens👅 style griddy👀

what

- ⌛

[savorypink]

guess by charli xcx reminds me of alex

i get major fetus vibes from that song actually! the lower back tattoo line…i’m picturing him at a nightclub trying to muster the courage to talk to some girl who he knows is out of his league; since the song is about cunnilingus i assume you know what’ll go down when they go to the bathroom 🤭

[androgynousblackbox]

How To Lose A Lucifer in 10 Days. 8 [Appleradio, radioapple]

Step 8: Become acquainted with him

Charlie looked the hour on her phone again, frowning over her mismatched eyes. Emily didn't seem less concerned at her side. Neither of them had touched much of the waffles that Lucifer had prepared for everyone in the table. He couldn't say he didn't understand it either. Ever since coming to that place, Alastor had always been first at the kitchen, preparing something for himself or his daughters.

"Oh, come on, don't worry so much" said, bringing the syrup. He rubbed the shoulder of Charlie, smiling with what he hoped was a reassuring gesture. "I am sure he is just tired after all that killing from yesterday. All those sinners and then dinner can really have a guy bloated, you know?"

"Is that the case with the Alastor of your world?" asked Charlie, not really convinced. "I don't remember the last time dad went off like that for so long."

"Oh, but that is Alastor we are talking about" tried Lucifer, sitting in front of the girls. "To him all that violence must be like the most relaxing spa day anyone can have. He must just be snorting away on his bed as we speak."

Honestly, he couldn't blame the guy if he was just oversleeping or just really needed some extra time before facing the rest of the day. Both of those would be the least that he could expect from anyone on the situation he was in, that he had no issue admitting was even worse than his. At least he got to be with Lilith during the whole pregnancy with Charlie. He didn't had to live with the potential and very real stress of thinking about having a kid without his partner, and couldn't imagine it either.

"Maybe I should go check on him" suggested Emily, standing up.

"Honey, we should just let him rest" said Lucifer, when suddenly he saw the proverbial red sinner calmly coming in, accompanied by a soft melody that seemed to originate from the air itself around him.

"Good morning, everyone!" Alastor, looking noticeable refreshed up and more relaxed than in the last few days, saw at the table where everyone had their plates full already. "Ah, I overslept it seems!" commented, just when Emily crushed against him and gave him a strong hug.

Lucifer cringed to himself before remembering that no, no, Alastor was way too early for things like that having the potential to do anything for the baby. There was barely a fetus at all that first stage. The fact that he even thought about it almost bothered him as much as the easy soft smile Alastor had for Emily as he patted his head.

"My dear, what is that for?" said, rising an eyebrow. "I just wanted to indulge in my beauty sleep a little longer, that is all. All that excitement of yesterday had me exhausted."

"That is what Lucifer said" Emily sighed, missing the look that Alastor threw to Lucifer as he pretended to be very interested on cutting his own waffles. "We were worried for a second there. You did seem a bit tense yesterday."

"Oh, that must have been the calling of the bed coming early than usual for me. A tired demon is a cranky one, after all" declared Alastor easily, making a flick of his wrist as he went to make his coffee. "Today is a different story. I feel optimistic if nothing else. I had the most marvelous idea last night. Since that stone Vaggie got for Charlie was so effective for what it did" said, throwing a glance to Angel, who threw a flying kiss in his direction as he took selfies with his new phone. Every day the pornstar came around with something new and expensive that the old man that hired him paid for, all for the low low effort of Angel either completely ignoring him while on the same space or insulting him ruthlessly. A dream opportunity he was more than happy to share about if given the chance, "I was thinking, maybe it could serve to our purposes as well? At the very least, it couldn't hurt to try, right? I believe our friend Stolas must know a thing or two about that we could use."

"Oh" said Charlie, both relieved and surprised to see him like that. Lucifer was just confused. She looked over to Vaggie to confirm if she didn't had any more information they could use and when her girlfriend shook her head, she nodded at Alastor. "Sure, I guess I can send him a text and see what he has to say."

"Please do, little fawn" Alastor smiled wider at her until the sides of his eyes crinkled and Charlie couldn't help but to smile back at him, before turning to her phone.

"Ah, my tea. I forgot to make my tea" commented Lucifer, scrambling to get another neutral mug that wasn't the duckie one and putting more water to boil next to where Alastor was. The music around him was still sounding soft and the demon was humming with the melody, unbothered even when Lucifer cleared his throat. From there, they were at a good enough distance for anyone at the table to hear them. "Hey. So. I don't know how to say this in any other way, so I am just going to come out and say it. Are you okay?"

"I am perfectly well, your Majesty" said Alastor with a pleasant tone behind. "Why I wouldn't be?"

Lucifer stared at him like he couldn't believe the audacity. He had no idea if the guy was really a better actor he gave him credit for or what, but if it was the first case then he was more disturbed than impressed. More so because Alastor genuinely seemed more calm now than how he was yesterday, especially after coming back from the Sloth ring.

"Are you actually kidding me?" asked Lucifer.

"Fair enough" Alastor shrugged and turned to him, hands on his back. "I have come to the conclusion that the way we are going about this has not been the most productive it could have been."

"Oh, really?" Lucifer was too surprised by this turn to come out with anything more witty than that.

Alastor nodded.

"Indeed. Seeing as our goals align, I propose a… how do I say it? Cease of fire. I am not saying anything about friends, but how about neutral acquantences who just so happen to live under the same roof and tolerate each other's presence?"

Lucifer looked at him up and down, but wasn't seeing the common tales of some kind of trick coming.

"Is this because of what I did last night?" asked in a lower voice. "Because if so, I was going to help you regardless. Just so we are both clear on that. I don't need you to like me to not want to harm an innocent. I may be the devil, but I like to think I am not a dick like that either."

Alastor cleared his throat, returning to his coffee.

"It's part of it" admitted after a while. "But more than anything, it's a waste of both our times, wouldn't you say?" Finished with the pot, Alastor served himself on his mug and heated it up with his magic. Lucifer saw the liquid bubbling on the surface. "Whatever issue you have with your own Alastor has nothing to do with me. Just like you being here instead of my husband wasn't your choice. I therefore offer a white flag so we can finally concentrate on what matters the most. What do you say, your Highness?"

"Are you high?" asked Lucifer, looking closely at his pupils. Maybe one of the pills of Bel were doing a too good job. "I won't mind if you are, just want to know"

Alastor closed his eyes for a moment, as if conjuring patience.

"No, your Majesty" said finally, keeping the same casual smile he had since coming. "I just had a good night of sleep and an idea. Sometimes that is all you need to face the day with a new perpective."

"Right" Lucifer stared at him, but couldn't find where was the trick, if there was any. After a beat he sighed, scratching his neck. "I mean… sure. I might had a bit of a part in starting with the wrong foot."

"You think?" Alastor casually took a sip of boiling coffee as Lucifer frowned.

"Oh, come on, don't act as if you were completely innocent either!" He blinked. "And how is that a cease of fire?"

"A little bit of banter never harmed anyone" commented Alastor with half a smirk. "I do really meant it, sir. We can both be adults about this until everyone is back where they belong, don't we?"

Lucifer narrowed his eyes. Eventually he just had to let his shoulder fall.

"Sure" sighed, brushing his hair back. "Just acquantances, right?"

Alastor nodded. He let pass a tasteful second as he drank his coffe before talking again, without lifting his eyes from the brown liquid.

"By the way, I might need a recharge of magic sooner than later."

"What, so soon?" Lucifer threw a look to the table, where everyone was trapped on their own conversations, and lowered his voice again. "Why? I thought Bel said that one for week was enough?"

Alastor casually shrugged his shoulders.

"Some rascals came last night trying to attack the hotel and I had to stop them as part of my job."

"They did?" Lucifer frowned, recounting last night. He had stayed scrolling on his phone until he fell asleep with the device still on his hand. "I didn't hear anything."

Alastor smiled indulgently. As if of course he wasn't going to hear anything because of a defiency on his part, but he forgave him for it anyway. The prick.

"I pride myself on my eficiency as the protector of my daughter's hotel, your Majesty. It wouldn't be very responsible of me if I let everyone at the hotel wake up for a minor inconvenience such as that" He took another sip, casually tiping his claws on his red mug. "After dinner works for you?"

Lucifer tilted his head, wondering why he had a nagging sensation there was something else there. Then he looked down to the stomach of the tall demon and felt embarassed for himself. This favor wasn't for Alastor, not even for his Lucifer, but someone else that deserved to at least grow up.

"Fine" said, swallowing. "But you know, you should probably take it easy. I don't mind helping, with that or taking out threats if needed."

"Duly noted. Glad we could reach an agreement" said Alastor with a simple nod, before going to the table and kiss the head of Charlie before taking his seat. The rest of the residents had already gone out to start their respective days. "Any news, little fawn?"

Charlie finished eating the piece of waffle on her mouth and read off her phone.

"Well, Stolas says that the stones are actually called origin stones. Apparently they are made with the soil where papa first fell, which is the reason why they are so rare and powerful."

"Really?" asked Lucifer, as he reunited with them with a new cup of tea. "I never knew that was a thing."

"Stolas says that they were created by the first alchemists who reached hell, once they realized they still couldn't make a philosopher stone."

"Ah, that explains it" said Lucifer. "Alchemists are the worst kind of sinners to talk to. They always try to make you drink their latest experiment."

"Apparently, the less common alchemy became on Earth, so did the stones in hell. The person who gave it to Carmilla in the first place might not know what it was" commented Charlie to her girlfriend.

"I was starting to think that as well" said Vaggie. "They treated it more like it was a expensive novelty and not a reality bending thing. I don't think they would have gave it away so easily if they knew."

"The majority of people wouldn't know in the first place" said Alastor casually. "With something that powerful, other people would have abused it already until there was nothing of that resource left. That could be an advantage for us because means less competition for finding them. It also means less immediate information about them. Your Majesty" said, turning his attention to Lucifer finally, "I know there is an Ars Goetia for practically everything there could be. Isn't there one that could have a talent for finding those stones?

"Mmm" Lucifer racked his mind. He was 80% sure there was at least five of them, but couldn't remember their names off the top of his head. "I am going to have to ask Asmodeus" finally admitted with a sigh. "He is closer to the Goetias than me."

"Could you do that now?" asked Alastor just when Lucifer was drinking his tea. "I would like to talk with my daughters in private for a moment."

"Uh" Lucifer threw a glance to Charlie, sending him a little smile, and he couldn't say no to that. Not that he was planning to vehemently refuse the suggestion anyway. He could understand the concept of a family matter. Maybe Alastor had changed his mind about not telling about the baby and if so, the last thing he wanted was to intrude on that. "Of course."

He took out his phone and walked to the garden, whose doors was at the back of the kitchen. Once he heard the crystal door closing behind the king greeting the embodiment of Lust, Alastor sighed.

"Uh, should I go out too?" Vaggie was half standing up and half sitting, waiting for confirmation.

"You can stay" said Alastor after a moment of silence. "You were going to deduce it anyway later. I would hope so at least" Before Charlie could reprimend him, he continued: "I managed to contact Lucifer last night. My Lucifer."

Charlie audibly gasped, gripping to his arm.

"How?! Is he okay?! How is he doing?! Does he misses us? Are they looking for the stones too? Are they close to find them? How long is he going to take?" Charlie was shaking him with each question, not letting herself breath between them, until Alastor put a hand on top of her. She stared at it and then at him, her question for her papa still spilling out of her eyes.

"He is okay" assured, patting her hand. "He misses all of us. It was actually his idea to look more those stones. Today they should be looking into it on their side. As for how" added, seeing Charlie about to insist, "it was through our contract. There is a clause about how we are connected no matter the realm we are at, so that allowed him to contact me. Unfortunately that also means I can't contact him myself. He has to initiate."

Charlie let out the biggest sigh. Emily wasn't far behind, letting her head hang between her arms. Vaggie frowned for a moment looking at him until suddenly her eye opened up wide. No doubt realizing now with who their Lucifer had the soul contract that this other one had failed to call upon that first night. That plus him talking about a contract instead of just a deal should tip her off.

Alastor would have rather not make her know at all, just like he didn't want to advertise his connection to Lucifer for the rest of hell, but it was already too late for that. That night he should have asked Charlie to take her out of the kitchen. Instead he let his own concern for what still could be a brainwashed husband overrule his precaution.

"Thank goodness" said Emily. "That is amazing news then! We can keep tabs on each other to make sure we are all on the right path."

Alastor nodded.

"Their time luckily moves the same as ours. We agreed he would call me an hour before midnight. You can come to greet him tonight if you want."

Charlie and Emily of course wanted to. Vaggie seemed to assume she wasn't coming, but Charlie insisted she should be able to participate as well and then both of them looked at Alastor, who just shrugged slightly as his response. If Charlie really wanted to include her on things about the family, then he didn't really believe he had a way to disuade her. At least he had already made his husband agree to not mention anything about the baby to them.

The thing right at that moment was to gather news to tell him in the first place. When the Lucifer they were stuck with came back, Alastor had already asked them again to keep the contract and communication between themselves.

"Welp!" announced his presence the king, clapping his hands together. "I did got a contact through Asmodeus that maybe could help us. Does the name Vassago ring any bell for any of you?"

Alastor shook his head. There were more than fifty of those demon royal birds, how was he supposed to remember each one of them? Charlie tapped her chin as she looked at the ceiling.

"I think I may have met him during my royal presentation. He seemed nice, I think?" offered up, shrugging. "I remember him saying that dad was an impressive sinner before meeting papa."

"Ah, so he has working eyes, at least. That is good to know" said Alastor, pleased at the comment as Lucifer rolled his eyes.

"Sure, whatever. I send him a text asking when we can meet and right now he is free, so we can go."

"Oh, oh!" said Emily, perking up as she stand from her chair. "Could you leave me at Stolas's palace on the way there, please? I want to check on his library if I can find something useful too. Maybe contact with one of the alchemist that still live here in hell! We have been texting and he already said he doesn't mind! Six eyes has to be better than just four!"

"That is a good idea, sweetie" said Lucifer, smiling sincerely at her. He knew that he had no connection to her, not the same he had with Charlie already, but the fact that she was a fallen and Charlie considered her a daughter instantly made her more endearing to him. It wasn't difficult to see at all why the other Lucifer had adopted her. "If you find anything useful let us know."

"For sure. Ooh, I need my notebook!" said Emily, dissapearing through her own portal before they could say anything or suggest that she could just conjured it up.

"She prefers the written word" commented Charlie to Lucifer, as if he needed the explanation. "Um, why do we need Vassago specifically, papa?"

"Asmodeus said he was the Goetia you go to find lost things. Technically we didn't lost the stone, but if you bring the one you have he may be able to find where it came from. There is also this guy… Foras?" read Lucifer on his phone, making sure he was getting it right. All those names sounded vaguely familiar, but only vaguely without a beak associated with them. "And then Kimaris. All three can find lost things, but Asmodeus says he gets along with Vassago better so, that is our first option, I guess."

"I am bringing the stone then!" said Charlie, quickly going out to get it from her room as Vaggie sighed, picking up the table.

"And I will stay here taking care of the hotel" commented. "I hope you find it, sir" said to Alastor, who could only nod slightly as he moved to wait near the hallway.

It didn't take long for Charlie and Emily to reunite with them. Lucifer opened up the portal to Stolas's palace and let traspass. He only closed it after Emily was accepted inside, sending them a wave of her hand before dissapearing.

"Asmodeus send the location to Vassago's place" said Lucifer, opening up the point on the map on his phone.

He pressed a finger on top of it and swip beyond the screen, making a new portal in front of them. The palace on the other side was surrounded by tropical looking plants and palm trees. On the entrance, a little imp came to receive them.

"Good morning, your Majesties" greeted with a reverence. "Prince Vassago is waiting for you all. Please, follow me to his office."

They did as told, looking around the place that more was looking like a spa or resort than as an actual house. When they came to the second floor, other Goetias were coming down the stairs and they bowed quickly upon realizing Lucifer was with them. Lucifer realized rather soon that they wanted to chat with them, but one look to Alastor just behind him had them instead murmuring quick greetings as they continue their way.

"Do I want to know?" asked Lucifer, without turning. The sound of bones cracking and breaking as Alastor quickly returned to his normal form told him everything he needed to know regardless. "You know, I am still the king and those pleasanties are to be expected."

"Well, as the consort of my king and father to the princesses, I have decided that I do not care for their pleasanties" said the voice of Alastor, his voice cracking through static less and less. Lucifer wondered how the hell did the other Lucifer deal with involving someone like that on the royal family. "They are a bunch of desperate yes man that would only make us waste more time."

Lucifer was about to reply when he felt the hand of Charlie on his shoulder. He looked up to her and saw her smile gently.

"We are a little tense" said, rubbing his back. "How about we just concentrate on what we came to do? Most royals are used to dad's… character by now, so they won't think too much about it. If anything, it will probably be a way to make it seem like nothing has changed."

"My condolencies for your father" Lucifer expressed, shaking his head.

Alastor huffed behind them.

"Oh, no, it's not like that at all" added Charlie. "Some royals never fully accepted that papa married a sinner anyway. They would sometimes say stuff or try to convince papa to divorce dad. Sometimes to my face" Charlie cringed at the memory and Lucifer's eyes flared up at anyone making his baby girl feel uncomfortable. On top of that, who even thinks to say something like that in front of the child of the couple they wanted to break up? He didn't have to be a fan of the sinner in question to realize how messed up that was. "Ah, but that is just a small minority!" said quickly, reading his face. "Most of them just learned to accept it by now."

"It must have been quite a shock when your father first announce it, though" Lucifer realized, for the first time, he never thought about the logistics of what their union would have implied in this reality.

"Certainly it did. Not that any of us cared for that" said Alastor, preeming himself. "My king stood by his decision and had the power to destroy any insurrection like a insect under his boot. Of everything we went through, I would say that was one of the easiest parts."

"Is that so?" asked Lucifer, incapable of not being a little skeptical. Ever since coming to this other reality, he assumed that something very wrong must have happened to allow such an union or the Lucifer of this dimension was an entirely different person than himself, which was making the less sense the more got to see all other similarities between their realities. All his contacts still had the same phone number, for fuck's sake. So where was the difference? Why did this Lucifer ever wanted to be with this Alastor when he had the entirety of hell to chose from? "I guess I still don't know how you two even got together in the first place."

"Oh, it's the most romantic story ever!" squealed Charlie. "Dad used to tell me that one all the time when I was little" She gasped suddenly, holding her cheek. "I can totally tell you that one now! You never heard of any of them and it will be brand new to you! It's going to be so awesome! Unless you want to do it, dad? He is so good at it."

"And deny my little fawn the pleasure? I wouldn't dare" Alastor winked an eye at her and Charlie giggled.

The little imp that walked in front of them opened up a door at the end of the hallway.

"Your Majesty, his royal consort and the princess of hell, my lord" announced.

Oh, right, that still happened. This time both Lucifer and Alastor groaned, but let the little imp go without much else, lowering his head on the way out.

The so called office was a big studio drapped in red, green and yellows. A tall demon bird rised up from his chair behind a hude desk and approached them, bowing his head.

"It's my deepest honor to recieve you in my home, your Majesties" said the man, straigthen up and smiling up to the radio demon. "Alastor, sir, I heard you had gotten yourself a promotion as the new King Overlord! Congratulations are in order,I suppose! Must be quite the accomplishment after returning to us from death itself. I am correct for assuming you won't want to share the secrets of how that happened?"

"King overwhat?" whispered Lucifer to Charlie and she made a shushing sound, making a hand gesture as if insisting they could talk about it later.

It was the first time he heard about whatever position apparently this Alastor had reached already.

"Not a single word" said Alastor, obviously pleased at being recognized. "Why ruin for everyone the chance to especulate about it? Even life after death needs a bit of mystery to keep being interesting."

"That is very true. With your permission, my lord, I will in fact especulate about it" said, before seeing Lucifer, nodding his head with a smile. "Your Majesty, it's an honor that you would require my services. Although I still don't know what exactly you require of me, I would do my best to help you on whatever predicament you are facing."

Lucifer smiled a little more easily now. Despite being the first time he visited this member of the Goetia, something about his disposition told him that he in fact wanted sincerely to help, not just take advantage of whatever crumb of attention he could get from the king. After more than a millenia on his role, Lucifer had developed a more than keen nose to detect those with good qualities and those who faked them.

"Thank you, Vassago. I believe that one of your especialties is finding lost things, is it not?" asked, making a gesture for Charlie to take out her present from her box.

"Indeed it is" said the prince. "As long there is a clear directive of what we are looking, I can pinpoint it's location in any place of the seven rings."

"That is great!" said Charlie. "Uhm, hi, Vassago, sir."

"Good morning, princess."

"You too! Well, I, I mean, all of us would really super appreciate if you could find us where this stone come from" Charlie took out the stone by the chain attached to it, the white seemingly almost to glow by it's own.

"Oh!" Vassago opened up his eyes, reclining his body to examine it closer. "An origin stone, isn't it? I haven't seen one in so long ago! Although this one has been used already. You just want to know where it came from?"

"If possible, we want to locate others like it" said Alastor, looking at him with a slight tilt of his head that said he wasn't about to share the reason why.

Either understanding that or choosing to not question about it in the first place, Vassago extended his hand to Charlie.

"May I, princess? Thank you" Holding the stone in front of him, Vassago walked over to a huge cauldron on a corner of his office, barely covered by some curtains. "I can give you the last owner of this stone, the location of the bigger portion where it came from or the place where it was made. Which one would you need?"

"The bigger portion" said Lucifer, looking to Alastor for confirmation he agreed.

It didn't seem right for him to take all the shots, not when it was him who needed it the most. The radio demon seemed surprised at this, but nodded his head to give his approval anyway.

"Very well, that can be done" Under the cauldron a blue fire emerged as soon the prince pulled the fabric back, holding them with ropes at the side. Vassago made some gestures in the air. Potions of different colors and ingredients came floating from his shelf down the cauldron. A curiously citrusy smell started to linger in the air as Vassago mixed it all in without touching anything. "I promise I will return this to you exactly as you gave it to me, princess" said to Charlie, letting the stone fall to it with the rest of the chain.

As soon he did that, the dark blue color of the liquid turned into purple. Apparently it needed a couple of seconds to turn the right shade of purple, at least. When it was almost starting to lilac, Vassago took a cup from a top the cauldron and scop just enough to fill half of it. He moved to his desk, where a lamp representing each of the rings of hell in colorful rings. Dumping the content on top of it, Lucifer waited for there to be a short circut or something.

Instead, the liquid got instantly absorved by the lamp. All the rings started to glow even brighter, expanding to show different white spots across them. Two of them were on the Greed ring, another one in Wrath and two in Pride. Some of them were moving ever so slightly, while other were stuck where they were.

"Hah, eureka!" said Vassago, perking up. He made appear a piece of paper and a pen to write it all down. "Since this stone has a common origin, these are all the locations where parts of it have spread. I will write for you each of them. Oh, but I should tell you" said suddenly, pointing to the Greed ring with his pen" one of these is underwater. Do be careful if you re going to go looking for them. All other ones are on land, but I can't tell you about what surrounds them or how easily or difficult it could be to reach them."

Alastor visibly relaxed as Vassago keep writing. Charlie noticed and squeezed his arm, smiling at him. By the way Alastor returned the gesture, Lucifer was reminded that this Charlie did in fact saw the radio demon as her father all her life. It wasn't that he forgot, but it was always a bit of a shock when he saw the obvious evidence of it in front of his eyes. Thinking about any version of him raising his Charlie with him, about the sinner he knew still being able to raise the loving and wonderful young woman he knew, sounded like the start of some joke whose punchline never came.

"It's fine, we will manage" said Lucifer, pushing those ideas away. A different Alastor, a different Lucifer, neither of which had anything to do with him. With the Alastor that was back at his home, that just never would have happened, for sure.

"I don't doubt it, your Majesty" Vassago finishing putting down all the information he considered relevant and gave the paper to Lucifer. "I have one more thing to tell you" said, coming back to the cauldron to pull out the present of Charlie, completely dry and exactly as it was before falling into the concoction. "You can use this to tell you if you are coming close or not to your objective" added, extending a hand to take Charlie's and put the stone on her palm. The lamp on his desk slowly went back to normal, the rings of light seeming to deflate to their default size. "The stone now will want to get back to where it come from. The pull is going to be difficult to miss. Once the two make contact the effect of the potion will wear off, so you can come back if it's necessary."

"Thank you a lot" Charlie sighed, putting the chain around her neck to make she wouldn't miss it. "This really means a lot for us."

"My pleasure to be of service, princess" Vassago smiled to her back and turned to Lucifer. "Anything else I could do for you, your Highness?"

"For now we are good" Lucifer folded the directions and was about to put them on his chest pocket, when Alastor suddenly took it out of his hand to read them himself.

After a brief glance, the red demon put it on his own pocket and Lucifer rolled his eyes with a groan, but let it slide. Vassago tilted his head slightly seeing that little interaction. Lucifer saw the eyes of the bird demon concentrate on the engagement ring of Alastor, no doubt comparing it to the marriage one from Lucifer. He brazed himself for the inevitable questions.

They weren't planning to keep the situation a secret, but it was just easier to not go around explaining it over and over again for every person they involved on it.

"Are you sure, your Majesty?" asked Vassago, his voice becoming gentler. "My magic can help figure out problems of the past and future too, if you ever need it. Some find it really useful to deal with their issues in the present."

Was that his way to try to offer marriage council? Lucifer almost let scape the full blown laughter that he could feel bubbling up inside at the idea. He never even got to the marriage council part with Lilith before it was over!

Somehow, though, he manages to plaster a smile on his face that maybe wasn't even that convincing but whatever.

"No, no, we are fine!" said Lucifer, taking a step back from the friendly demon. "We have everything we need now, thank you."

"As you wish, your Highness" Vassago nodded his head. "Please, let me know if there is anything else that I can do."

"Sure, absolutely. Thank you, that was very kind of you" said Lucifer, making a head gesture for Charlie to get they were going out and she perked, thanking Vassago a lot.

Alastor didn't say anything, but gave a nod of recognition to the bird demon on their way out. Vassago seemed to be content with that reaction as he called for someone to see them out the palace. As soon they traspassed the huge door of the entrace, Lucifer made a portal back to the hotel.

"Well, isn't that something! At last some progress" said the king, drawing a bigger sincere smile, patting he back of Charlie. "We have plenty of options to go through even if any of them fails. Where should we start?"

For the first time since after Charlie's failed birthday, there was no one already cooking breakfast when everyone woke up in the hotel. Charlie seemed the most concerned of all, while the rest just complained briefly or shrugged the little anomaly of while going about starting their day.

Alastor just threw a glance to kitchen and moved past it, going up for his first cup of coffee. Once he had it up to perfection, he hummed for himself as he grabbed the newspaper of that day one of his shadows brought for him and sat down. He read first the obituary, as usual, chuckling when he found a especially funny or painful death listed there.

"Back to cereal, this fucking blows" yawned Angel, bringing his bowl over.

"You using the word blow without a joke attached to it? Are you okay?" commented Husk, snorting when Angel pushed him lazily with one of his lower arms.

"Shut up. A man like me should have something hot, sweet and comfy on the morning, not this" whinned, still eating spoonfuls. After a moment of thinking about it, he added: "You only sorta count."

"Thanks. You could also learn to cook for yourself too."

"Who has the energy for that?" Angel yawned again and lifted an eyebrow to Alastor's direction. "Smiley, did you bother your boyfriend of another dimension or something? Is this how he punish you? Because that is not very nice to the rest of us."

Alastor didn't lift his gaze from what he was looking. Although the static growing before he spoke a word wouldn't have been comforting for most people. Husk felt his fur stand up instinctively.

"I am going to give you two seconds to learn to not make unnecessary comments" said Alastor calmly, taking another sip of his coffee.

"I am just saying. Mess with the only one of us who actually knows how to cook, not very smart. You and Charlie are the only reason he does it so it's a fair question."

"Husk" sighed Alastor and Husk frowned, putting a hand on Angel's shoulder to get him to back off. As Angel huffed, but didn't continue, Alastor was going to get back to the news when he lifted his gaze and realized that Charlie was staring at him. "Yes?"

"Well, did you?" asked the princess, carefully. "I mean, I know that you don't like any of this, and I don't blame you for that either, but he is sorta in a delicate place right now and dad always had a tendency to leave when things get hard so…"

"What exactly do you want to ask, dear?"

"Did you talk to him?" said Charlie, letting her shoulders fall. "Was he fine when you did? Did he gave you any sign that he wasn't?"

Alastor looked at the rest of the table and realized, to his surprise, that everyone was actually expecting an answer out of him. Since when did he became the designated Lucifer expert on this hotel?

"How would I know?" replied, masquering his taken aback with an irritated shrug.

"He always wants to hang around you" pointed out Angel. "When he isn't, he keeps looking around as if expecting to find you like some lost puppy. It's kinda sad and cute at the same time. Come on, man, even you must have noticed."

"This is absurd" declared Alastor, letting that piece of information slide away. Yes, of course he noticed, he wasn't blind. That was the whole reason why that tiny king could notice something was wrong with him in the first place. If it was for him then maybe he could even take it as a compliment. As it was, it was just annoying because he knew damn well none of that had nothing to do with him. It was all for some other Alastor that unfortunately shared his same face. The attention of a king didn't mean much when it was borrowed like that. "For your information, the last time we ever exchanged words, he seemed fine for my extremely limited exposure to the moods of our Highness. If that has changed since then, I wouldn't know."

Charlie sighed, back again to stare at her phone. The text she send to her father remaining unread and unanswered for. Vaggie at her side tried to calm her down, patting her hand over the table.

"I am sure he was just tired, sweetie" she said.

"Frankly, I don't know what is the issue" commented Alastor, handwaving away the concern. "If anything, now this feels like coming back to normal when it comes to this hotel."

Just when he finished his sentence, Lucifer appeared from the Hallway with a face that could have brighten up a whole city by itself.

"MY ALASTOR IS PREGNANT! WE ARE HAVING A BABY!"

Too many things happened all at once. Charlie jumped out on her chair at the loud noise. Husk completely froze with all his hair on his back, neck and shoulders puffed out. Angel started hysterically laughing, which made Niffty to laugh too. Alastor just spit his coffee everywhere in front of him, utterly destroying the mug on his hand in the process.

Lucifer was too excited to notice, running up to Charlie and hug her face before she could even process what happened.

"Sweetie, your other you is going to have another sibling! I am going to be a parent again! Isn't that the best news ever?" cooed, just as slowly everyone else started to catch up.

"Wait, are you serious?" asked Angel.

"The fuck you mean pregnant?" wanted to know Husk, making a face as if the word itself disgusted him when related to any version of Alastor. "Isn't your Alastor a man too? And a sinner? Since when the fuck is that a thing?"

"Magical pregnancy!" said Lucifer, still too happy to mind anything else. "We both wanted it strong enough that it happened! Never understimate a little bit of pure angelic power, I guess!"

"Does that mean they didn't do the nasty for it? That is lame" said Niffty, visibly dissapointed.

Lucifer blushed, but luckily Charlie saved him of recognizing the comment at all by standing up to hug him. Her uncomfortable smile spoke volumes of how out of her element she was. Nevertheless, she recognized that was the happiest she had seen her father in a long while and the last thing she wanted was to squash that.

"That is great, papa" said, patting his back. "I am… glad for you. But uhm… how do you know that?"

"The pregnancy created a link between us!" replied Lucifer, perking up. "I managed to speak with him last night and he told me. It has been tested and everything! Oh, sweetie, I am so happy!" Lucifer sighed big and hugged her again, melting away any residual question that Charlie had just to hug him back.

"Congratulations, short king" said Angel, throwing a chuckle in Alastor's direction.

Only when feeling the attention on him, did Alastor saw the mess he had made with himself and conjured it all away easily. He fixed his suit and cleared his throat, ready to pretend none of that ever happened. Not to his carefully crafted and immaculate front it didn't, and if anyone said it did, they wouldn't soon enough. They must have confused him with another Alastor. One that apparently now was pregnant and therefore part of the pile of things he was never, ever, going to talk again not even under torture.

"Well, that is enough news for me" said, folding his newspaper that was stained with coffee anyway and putting it aside.

He stand up, but stopped when the pieces of his mug came together with golden magic and fused together, leaving no mark behind. Lucifer chuckled from above a bend over Charlie, just in case he had any doubt as to what happened, and he gave him a tired look. If he thought he was about to say thank you, he had another thing coming. It was the least he could after being the responsible for breaking it in the first place anyway. Regardless of whose hands was holding it when it happened.

"That is not the only thing he told me" said Lucifer, holding the hands of Charlie on his own. "We both came to the conclusion that we should just look for a new stone and make another wish to take me back home and get you back your Lucifer. If it was strong magic to do interdimensional travel, then it should be also strong enough to nullify another wish no problem. The only issue is to find it."

[gayluigi]

Not to be political, but it makes me SO ANGRY when conservatives talk about “late term abortion”. They imply that these babies are unwanted, unloved, and that their parents are morally reprehensible for aborting them. That is just not the fucking case WHATSOEVER.

I lost my little cousin Charlie James to “late term abortion”. He was somewhere around 20 weeks along, but past the legal cutoff limit for abortion. He was wanted, planned, and very much loved. However, at the anatomy scan, they made a very grave discovery. He didn’t have a bladder, and from what I understand, his kidneys didn’t develop correctly either.

Charlie’s family’s medical team searched TIRELESSLY for a way to save him, but there was simply nothing that could be done. Continuing the pregnancy would’ve been incredibly dangerous to his mother. After about the 20th week of pregnancy, the fetus’s urine makes up most of the amniotic fluid. Well, Charlie wouldn’t have been able to urinate, so there wouldn’t have been enough amniotic fluid, which would’ve caused serious problems for his mom. It was simply no longer safe to continue the pregnancy. (If it had been possible, I assume that his mother probably would’ve wanted to continue the pregnancy for organ donation purposes. She works in the medical field, and I’m sure she would’ve wanted Charlie to have been able to help save other babies’ lives.)

After a lot of discussion, Charlie’s mom was induced, and Charlie was born. He was such a perfect little boy, except that he just wasn’t meant to survive. He had ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes, a little button nose… he was perfect. His family was able to hold him, cuddle him, tell him how much they loved him. Then, he passed away.

Charlie’s family bought the plots that were once intended for my family in case we had all passed away in some tragic accident when we were younger. Thankfully, we didn’t, and the plots were still available. (We wouldn’t use them if we passed away these days— Charlie’s family lives in Nebraska, and my family’s lived in Texas for 27 years. That’s just not where we belong.) Charlie’s buried in one of those plots, just a few plots over from my Papa (my maternal grandfather). Now, Papa passed away like 13 years ago, and he wasn’t biologically related to Charlie (Charlie’s on my dad’s side of the family), but I’m sure that Papa’s taking good care of him. ❤️ Charlie’s got a headstone, and he was buried, which shows you just how loved he was. He wasn’t treated as medical waste like an unwanted aborted fetus. He was treasured and cherished and has a place of honor in a cemetery.

So I guess what I’m saying is, when you think of “late term abortion”, don’t think of some family cruelly and callously deciding to terminate a pregnancy at 20+ weeks simply because the fetus is unwanted. That’s just not reality. (Not that that’s what I think of people that choose abortion for that reason— it’s just the picture that conservatives try to paint.) Instead, think of my little cousin CJ. Loved, cherished, planned and wanted, but incompatible with life. If you’re a religious person, then you could say that it just wasn’t in God’s plan for him to survive. If you’re not, then you could say that it was just a natural fluke in the developmental process, perfectly natural and not at all unusual in nature, but incredibly tragic. Either way, think of baby CJ and remember that these pregnancies aren’t terminated out of hate, but out of compassion for both mother and child.

[real-time-twilight]

Breaking Dawn in Real Time

September 11th, 2006 (Monday)

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous 🌖

🌄 Sunrise: 6:45 AM

🌅 Sunset : 7:44 PM

Breaking Dawn, Pgs. 309-360

Ch. 16 ("Too-Much-Information Alert")

Ch. 17 ("What do I Look Like, the Wizard of Oz? You Need a Brain? You Need a Heart? Go Ahead. Take Mine. Take Everything I Have.")

Ch. 18 ("There Are No Words for This")

Note: Today's post contains blow by blow descriptions of a graphic birthing scene, which may be read under the cut.

4:00 AM (Approx.) - Jake leaves the Cullen house and returns to Seth and Leah to make a sweep of the area to ensure that it's clear for the Cullens planned hunting trip

5:00 AM (Approx.) - Leah comments that Jake has changed, Jacob notes that she has as well

5:15 AM (Approx.) - Leah thanks Jake for letting her join his pack and commends him on his leadership skills; Jake and Leah discuss the future, agreeing that Seth should go back to La Push as soon as the current situation passes, but Leah asks to stay connected with Jake's pack, planning on quitting as soon as possible and moving on with her life now that she's no longer connected to Sam--Jake asks for time to consider it

6:50 AM (Approx.) - Jake and Leah hunt; they eat in silence as Jacob thinks over Leah's request

7:00 AM (Approx.) - Seth turns in for the morning; Jake and Leah discuss the future more; Leah points out that she understands Jake's situation with Bella, as it is similar to her own with Sam; Leah says she understands Rosalie's perspective, as she believes her anomalous active wolf gene indicates that she is infertile; the conversation turns toward imprinting and Jacob becomes uncomfortable, phasing back to human form and returning to the house.

7:15 AM (Approx.) - Jake considers sleeping until he hears x-ray machinery operating inside the house and goes in to investigate; Alice meets him on the stairs and informs him that the fetus may have now cracked Bella's pelvis

7:16 AM (Approx.) - Bella is brought back downstairs; Jake tells Carlisle that the coast is clear to go hunting and gather supplies; everyone leaves but Edward and Rosalie

7:20 AM (Approx.) - Jake annoys Rosalie with blond jokes

7:25 AM (Approx.) - Edward hears the baby's thoughts and realizes that it is cognizant and that it likes hearing his and Bella's voices; Bella mentions her chosen baby names: Edward Jacob it's a boy, and Renesmee Carlie (portmanteaus of "Renee and Esme" and "Carlisle and Charlie") for a girl

7:26 AM (Approx.) - Edward says that the baby loves Bella and realizes that their doting has completely alienated Jacob; he gives Jake a set of keys and urges him to get away from the house to spare him further pain

7:27 AM (Approx.) - Jake runs to the garage to find that the keys are for Edward's silver Aston Martin Vanquish, which he drives to Tacoma

8:45 AM (Approx.) - Jake arrives in Tacoma and finds a park to wander around in, in the hopes of finding a girl to imprint on

3:00 PM (Approx.) - Unsuccessful, Jake returns to the Vanquish and dawdles

3:03 PM (Approx.) - Jake is approached by a girl named Lizzie; they talk about cars and lament the discontinuation of the Vanquish in favour of the new V8 Vantage; Jake lets the conversation peter out, saddened that a nice girl like Lizzie can't solve his problem and heads back to Forks in no hurry

6:00 PM (Approx.) - Jake finds Edward waiting for him in the garage; Edward asks Jake to get a handle on Leah, who thoroughly castigated Bella on Jacob's behalf; Edward also tells Jacob that the baby is extremely mentally developed, and given how physically developed it is as well, that it would likely be safest to remove the baby before Bella goes into labour--hopefully as soon as Carlisle returns--and asks Jacob, as the great-grandson of Ephraim Black-- for a dispensation re: the treaty so they can turn Bella when necessary without repercussions

6:03 PM (Approx.) - Jake and Edward meet Seth on the way back to the house, and Jake tells him to tell Leah to lay off; they return to the house to find Bella awake; Bella tries to apologize to Jacob, feeling guilty after being chewed out by Leah, but Jake tells her not to; Jake mentally agrees to the dispensation

6:04 PM (Approx.) - Edward and Rosalie help Bella stand so she can use the bathroom; Bella accidentally knocks over her cup and bends to pick it up; in the act of bending over, the placenta detaches, and Bella vomits copious amounts of blood before seizing

6:05 PM (Approx.) - Edward and Rosalie hurry an unconscious Bella upstairs; Bella regains consciousness, begging Edward to deliver the baby before v it suffocates; Edward protests, wanting to give the morphine time to take effect

6:06 PM (Approx.) - Rosalie insists there is no time, beginning to cut into Bella's stomach; Rosalie is over taken by a frenzy at exposure to Bella's fresh blood; Jacob tackles her and Alice wrestles her from the room

6:07 PM (Approx.) - Edward instructs Jacob to administer CPR on Bella, who has stopped breathing; Edward and Jacob hear a crack and realize that the struggling fetus has broken Bella's spine; Jacob begins CPR while Edward cuts into Bella and cuts through the vampire-hard amniotic sack with his teeth; Bella regains consciousness; Edward succesfullt removes the baby, which is a girl

6:08 PM (Approx.) - Bella, barely conscious asks to hold her; Edward places the baby close to Bella's chest; Renesmee bites Bella's left breast; Edward draws Renesmee away, admonishing her

6:09 PM (Approx.) - Bella's heart stops; Jacob immediately begins CPR again; Rosalie returns to the library and takes the baby so Edward can help Jacob; Edward Nikki Sixx-es a syringe full of his venom directly into Bella's heart and begins to bite all of Bella's main pulse points as Jacob continues to manually pump Bella's heart

6:10 PM (Approx.) - Jacob gives up hope of saving Bella; Edward, manic, tells him to go and assumes CPR duty

6:12 PM (Approx.) - Bella's vampire transformation begins.

6:11 PM (Approx.) - Jacob walks downstairs, pausing on the last step; he sees Rosalie bottle-feeding Renesmee blood; Jake plans to kill the child for killing Bella; Rosalie lifts Renesmee to her shoulder and Jake makes eye-contact with her, instantly feeling a profound sensation of purpose, as though his world revolves around Renesmee and realizes that he has imprinted on her.

[fetus-cakes]

Xenomorph biology

A conversation I had with @palavengarden​ about how the xenomoprhs from the Alien franchise reproduce, any additions are welcome

fair warning, xenomorphs reproduce by injecting their parasitic larva into live human beings and the whole franchise is very unsubtle about this being rape and forced pregnancy, so the discussion is about this topic

charlie: okay but so here is the thing i still dont understand tho even just doing the first 2 movies the queen lays an egg the egg lays penis vagina deepthroat rape crab the  penis vagina deepthroat rape crab lays a smaller egg the smaller egg hatches into a tiny screaming snake which hatches AGAIN and then runs away then suddenly there is a 9 foot tall 15 foot long black monster that wants to eat humans then it takes a nap then if its on a planet instead of in space it wakes from its nap and eats everyone on the planet? builds a house in the warmest place available somehow a queen happens in all this fetus: ok think of it as an insect life cycle egg > larva > nymph > full grown adult likewise, xenomorphs only have one egg everything else is metamorphosis of the same body face rape crab BECOMES chest embryo charlie: no, cuz the rape crab dies after throat fucking you fetus: chest embryo leaves host body and BECOMES full grown adult no it doesn't die it's a shell it MOLTS like cicada shells or tarantula shells heck or a snake skin charlie: okay so egg hatch into a crab crab lives for literally 20 seconds then pukes its self down your throat? fetus: face rape crab is a discarded shell think of the embryo as being inside the crab the crab must stay attached to the face for a few hours to complete the transfer of the embryo charlie: i will resentfull accept this but still 2 more questions 1. why is it that the screamign snake inside the chest doesnt seem to eat anything? it just wants to curl up and take a nap while it grows bigger. the person usually keeps walkign around and just gets a little winded when it sits on their lung fetus: GOOD QUESTION charlie: 2. where does the queen happen in all this fetus: I HAVE ANSWER the embryo needs to stay inside because it's EATING this is where alien will get it's food and if it's a drone, all it will ever eat charlie: you would THINK so but no one seems to know they are chest bursted though the only time ive seen that seemed like maybe their insides were being eaten was in the avp book fetus: because they have been injected with what is basically painkillers charlie: everyone else justs seems fine fetus: this is why the transfer from crab to chest is delicate because the embryo is vulnerable it's to the embryos best interest to NOT be removed before it's ready charlie: the face crab is injecting painkillers or the screaming snake? fetus: face crab injects painkillers into HOST there is a period of time between transfer of embryo and embryo being ready to hatch that the host might be walking around it's for the embryos best interest to not be detected charlie: okay so... the face crab throat fucks you, and its just spitting crazy amoutns of pain killer down your gullet and once your insides are all the way numb and youre a little loopy it pukes the screaming snake into you and since your insides are fucked up with painkiller you dont feel it chomping down and can just continue about youre time, no issue walking and no numb tongue or throat until it breaks yoru sternum, which you CAN feel fetus: you got it charlie: dumb but fine fetus: painkillers are probably not strong enough to prevent someone from noticing their ribcage breaking charlie: i wish that it made your tongue and throat numb fetus: ok so; face rape crab grabs victim, sedates them, transfers embryo and pumps the victim's bloodstream full of anesthesia charlie: okay i accept that grumpily, but i accept it fetus: when transfer is finished the crab falls off and the victim might think they survived charlie: makes sense More or Less fetus: lol why so grumpy charlie: i still think the face crab looks like a whole different animal, not a cicada shell fetus: metamorphosis man ok so the QUEEN charlie: QUEENS AND DRONES PLEASE fetus:  the queen is modeled after ants, bees and termites, so it's a similar process: certain larva are selected by the drones and given the equivalent of Royal Jelly so they'll grow up being able to reproduce like all larva have the POTENTIAL to become queens but only the ones introduced to royal jelly will all others become drones or warriors charlie: okay BUT i know a LOT about bees basically all bees a female with a small handful of stupid males fetus: xenomorphs are technically all females since they all have the potential to become Queens but I guess you could say drones and warriors are sexless and only queens are true females charlie: okay so in alien 2 the one single xenomorph did the whole facehugger THING and scurried away, as normal living in the vents or whatever why did it become a queen and who fucked it to get it to lay eggs? you need at least 2 and you need something to make a queen fetus: WAIT WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN I don't remember that charlie: so just one egg hatched and attached to the dad on the planet, right? and he got evacc'd to the town (or whatever that was) we know from experience that it probably chest bursted within a few hours and scurried into the vents so we should have had 1 drone just eating people unable to lay additional eggs fetus: drone probably went back to mother ship for more eggs it was within walking (driving) distance charlie: and like... carried them? and put them close to humans? fetus: yeah, why not? drones are ONLY concerned with taking care of eggs and queen charlie: then when that one hatched you have 2 drones hell, I'll bet this drone captured humans but them somewhere they couldn't escape and then put the eggs around them ensuring more births did they just by hand carry a shit ton of eggs to the colony until one of them coincidentally was a queen, or did they have to DO something? fetus: royal jelly charlie: okay where tho fetus: whatever the xenomorph equivalent is charlie: okay so in bees fetus: I dunno how they make xenomorph jelly, maybe it's a hormonal excretion drone #1 went and made more drones, until they had enough to make the royal jelly and made a queen charlie: okay fine i checked with the bee expert i remembered royal jelly wrong fetus: what did you think royal jelly did? charlie: no i know what it DOES but i was remembering ti as 'the queen spits out royal jelly, gives it to every single baby, but if she gives a LOT of it to one then it becomes a queen' but no, its something young bees make charlie: all of them so when a young bee hatches and wanders over to the nursery to take care of its sisters its spits a little royal jelly on all of them so yeah okay fine fetus: oh I was remembering royal jelly wrong too then I thought it was scarce charlie: 1 human gets face hugged, the xenomorph goes back to the eggs which it can probably smell on the wind, carries one close to humans, then when the baby hatches and hides in the vents he vomits a bunch of royal jelly in its mouth and it just doesnt stop growing until its a full queen fetus: there you go :D charlie: only possible if its a female xenomorph, though, because every bee you will ever see is always a female the males literally only exist to fuck yougn queens (and die doign it) the queen still couldnt lay eggs though theyd have to just hope that one of the eggs in that ship was male already fetus: oh? why not? charlie: male bees dont fuck the queen in their own hive, thats their mom they are supposed to go out and find virgin queens fetus: well what's to stop xenomorph from being like clownfish and changing their sex based on environmental factors? charlie: the virgin queen fucks one single time then uses that one single time to lay eggs forever fetus: heck, normally I peg aliens as being like whippet lizards: they have developed an entire reproductive cycle without males charlie: because clownfish dont have HIVES fetus: they have harems if I remember correctly though you're right, they DO something to avoid incest charlie: look i spent like 3 months learnign everything about bees and i came out afraid of bees, okay i wanna know what xenomorphs do fetus: HEY I'M LOVING THIS CONVERSATION MAN charlie: technically anyone from that ship would be part of the same 'hive' so they probably wouldnt fuck them though they may well not CARE fetus: THIS IS LITERALLY MY FAVOURITE TOPIC charlie: ;) lets see... okay so to do yours and it woudl make sense it would just be very alien (ha) egg is born, egg is female egg hatches, is female egg develops inside host, is female hatchest again as female a secondary adutl female spits on it, its a queen lays additional egg no sperm anywhere here but MAYBE maybe if the QUEEN spits on a baby it can become male? because the queen oughtta not be able to have any babies until shes fucked shes a virgin queen so maybe the first helper xenomorph catches a human, brings it to the nest holds the human in place THE QUEEN SPITS IN THE HUMAN then when the egg gets lain in the human it eats both human meat and queen spit the queen spit neutrtalizes the painkillers (hence why people in those weird tar traps always seem in pain, where people walkign aorudn with chest bursters seem fine) but the queen spit makes it be born male it fucks her (incest but whatever, aliens) NOW she can lay a million babies ofrever and they capture more humans to make more males thats why its usually a room with only like a handful of humans stuck in it, because you onyl need a couple males after that i think my only leftover complaint is that the babies grow too fast and also nothign seems to eat, a lot of them seem to just murder for fun rather than food fetus: YOU CRACKED THE CODE well, it's established in the first movie that at the very least, alien embryos inside humans drink their blood like a fetus would it's quote possible they eat their organs too so a gestating embryo will take a LOT of resources from its human host and this is actually true to life too: there are several insect, especially fly, species where the maggots will spend their entire time eating but the adults lack an actual digestive tract so alien embryos spend all the time inside the host eating charlie: i probably need to see 1 again, its been a couple years i think fetus: in Alien one, after John Hurt wakes up, he shows signs of pregnancy: he's hungry and nauseous and Ash says he looks anemic charlie: im just thinking about the guy thta chest bursted in 1, how he was walkign around and laughing and felt fine before he suddenly exploded which means to me that it didnt eat the heart or lungs, since he didnt spit up blood and probably slithered into his intenstines before chewing through and maybe going for his nutrient rich liver first its pretty BIG is the thing every bite could easily be fatal so it cant be biting anythign remotely important or he would just instantly die, or start coughing up blood, or lose the ability to walk oh, so i have to see 1 again fetus: I just made a theory; normally embryos would eat the entire host like wasp larva do but embryos are capable of sensing danger so when the embryo burst from John Hurts chest, it realized that it was surrounded by hostiles so it ran away instead of finishing eating him charlie: oh that could be! it would make sense like in Cubed she had hers in her chest for like... nearly a week fetus: because most chestbursters are born surrounded by drones and their hosts are immobilized but aliens are versatile creatures, so they're able to thrive even in less than ideal conditions heck, Alien 1 is probably the WORST case scenario for a drone: born away from the other eggs and the queen ooooh you're right queens have longer gestation period charlie: my strongest memory from 1 is that she put al lthat effort into blowing up the ship and it was getting hot and screaming and flashign lights and shes desperately running to the escape shuttle with her cat and once the place blows she realizes the xenomorph had curled up to take a nap in the only dark queiet place on the whole ship it didnt even seem that aggressive she put so much effort into killing it and its jsut like.. sleepy and slow moving like 'why you bulyl me' 'i am the baby' fetus: I  KNOW!!!! I  FUCKING LOVE THE FIRST MOVIE SO MUCH ALL THE PREGNANCY AND BABY IMAGERY USED FOR HORROR Alien 1 does a better job with pregnancy horror than a lot of horror movies featuring actual human babies or demon babies and you're so right little drone in Ripley's ship just wanted to nap btw do you mind if I put our alien biology lesson into one post? charlie: go for it! have all the fun 'please, im trying to psyche myslef up to becomeing a queen or something, im lonely, im the baby, let me nap' fetus: I'm still laughing that you said Ellen is bullying the alien bully the murderous parasite charlie: SHE IS HE WAS TAKIGN A NAP NOT BOTHERIGN NO ONE he wasnt even hungry at that moment! fetus: he was lonely the loneliest xenomorph charlie: partner says that he thinks the baby is a normal parasite and curls itself up in the stomach, eating your food, until its too large to fit, then bursts out the chest maybe the 'dick' that comes out of the facehugger is the 'head' of the xenomorph and it just drops the rest of the body once its ready to and the reason you cant remove a facehugger is the baby latches on with teeth and fucks you up if you try to pull it off fetus: there you go I was thinking it was more of a tongue than a dick but yeah charlie: okay so random though imagine if when the baby hatched otu of that one dudes chest? what if instead of screamign at it they had said 'so cute!' 'welcome little baby!' ''i love you!' let it crawl up their arm put it in a soft warm little baby bubble in the medical ward gave it snacks and head pets it loves them then you have a 200 pound gigantic xenomorph monster within a few horus somehow who loves you and aggressively protects them FROM SPACE PIRATES fetus: ok but that thing just killed warrant officer Ash wait no, Dallas? what was John Hurt's character name KANE ok so warrant officer Kane is dead and the crew just adopts his murder baby? we go from RIP Kane to Kane? don't know her charlie: well the baby didnt MEAN to hatch from his chest its a baby fetus: the chest was just in the way

[fetus-cakes]

we're the second one lmao

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

a faint and faraway sound

1.9k words | pre-canon; late season 2 (references F. Emasculata & Our Town) | MSR | based on this post | tagging @today-in-fic | AO3

Scully never went to speech therapy for her lisp. That would be going a step too far, conceding in a much more tangible way a kind of failure. She'd thought like that even in high school, when she stayed up late trying to train her mouth to move the way everyone else's did. Her father was a Navy captain. Dana would not admit defeat, even by biology and muscle memory.

She watched the way Missy or their mother shaped the S'es in words when they spoke, tried to dissect the movement the way she would dissect a frog or pig fetus in science class. Teeth together, tongue against the lower row, air hissing through. The closest she could come for a very long time was something that sounded closer to "shh".

Having a lisp never bothered Dana in grade school, when half the kids in her classes shared the trait. It was only in middle and then high school that she started to hear the mockeries, the way people mimicked and made her sound stupid. A school counselor at the Navy base when she was sixteen took her parents aside and said something about it, and she heard her parents talking in the kitchen later that night: "She'll grow out of it, I'm sure."

Dana, already more introspective and calculating than her siblings, was not so sure. That was the night she first realized it consciously: she was different. The way she spoke, the heavy lisp she'd carried with her since childhood, set her apart, and not necessarily in a good way. If even her parents were discussing it, if a teacher cared enough to bring it up, it mustn't be as trivial as she'd considered it up to that point.

The teasing never bothered her very much; only made her blush and grimace when she had to speak in class or do a reading. Even Missy made fun, sometimes, repeating things the way Dana says them, but only when other people weren't around. She was careful of other people's feelings like that. It only began to sting after Dana started trying, really thinking about it and making an attempt not to lisp.

She thought maybe the effort made it more noticeable — she stood in front of the bathroom mirror sometimes trying to figure out how she was still saying the S sound wrong, and after a while it became almost habit to try and mouth words along with people when they were talking, just to see how it was supposed to feel.

She asked Bill what he was looking at once at dinner, because he was watching her with a look like he was confused, and he said she was talking funny — Charlie chipped in, then, adding "funnier than normal, even!" and jabbing her with a lighthearted elbow. Dana kicked him under the table and ducked her head to look down at her plate in a failing attempt to hide the flush crossing her cheeks.

"I'm trying not to lisp," she finally said, quietly, forming the S in the word very carefully even though she knew it still didn't sound right. She didn't meet her mother's eyes, only looked to her father for his reaction. His nod of approval sealed her determination.

She didn't see the glance shared between Melissa and their mother, who had been disagreeing over something else just before they sat down to eat, but were the two who understood the best — Dana was liable to take this too much to heart, and if she couldn't change the way she spoke, she would take it as a personal failing.

It took her a long time to reach a point that people who didn't know her — classmates at college, for instance — couldn't tell that she had a lisp. By the time she was in med school, the only tell was the softness of her S'es, a minor slurring of the sound that didn't belie the struggle she had had to make it that way. Occasionally she would catch herself starting to lisp again, saw the way people would glance at her, and she would think of her father's nod at the dinner table that day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time she starts work at the FBI, she's barely given her lisp half a thought in quite a while. It only ever slips out if she's exceptionally tired or drunk — neither of which are common occurrences. Gone are the days of forcing her mouth to move differently or worrying what classmates or coworkers may think of her. Now, what she concerns herself with is her work, and her partner's relentless search for the truth. She's not quite sure what that means, sometimes.

A month after the disastrous outbreak at the prison in Virginia leaves them both frustrated beyond belief — a very clear, tangible example of Mulder's sometimes- nebulous "truth" being hidden — and two weeks after the deadly case in Dudley, Arkansas, and Scully and Mulder are stuck on a comparatively mundane case in a small town in rural Pennsylvania. A teenager has gone missing, along with his younger sister, both of whom had been involved in a town scandal surrounding a neighbor's dog being shot.

According to the missing children's parents, they had been attacked by the dog on the way home from a late baseball game, and the boy, the older of the two, had felt the need to shoot it with a small pistol he carried. The children's father had emphasized very firmly, almost desperately, that his son had only done so to protect his younger sister. The neighbor whose dog had been shot is a rather suspicious man to begin with, even Scully must admit. They'd questioned him earlier in the evening, and he'd been exceptionally short with them, seemingly trying to get them out the door as quickly as possible.

Mulder's theory is werewolves, because of course it is, and he insists on staking out the neighbor's house, because of course he does — it's still a full moon, he argues, and there's every chance that if the owner was a carrier of lycanthropy, so would his seemingly normal canine be. Scully doesn't even touch that bit of reasoning, just turns her head away so he doesn't see her chuckle.

The neighbor is their primary suspect at the moment — though they'd seen no sign of the missing kids or any place to hide them when they were in the house — so she can't begrudge the stakeout. She's certainly not on board with Mulder's lycanthropy theory, but she half-listens as he he rattles on about the history of werewolves in the state of Pennsylvania. By the time the moon is at its full height, she's an hour past her last cup of coffee and dozing off against the car window. Mulder may be used to keeping these kinds of hours, but she is most definitely not.

"Hey Scully," Mulder says suddenly, just as Scully is on the verge of fully falling asleep.

Scully lifts her head from the glass of the window. "Hm?" She blinks, squinting to try and focus her vision. The attempt fails, so she props her head on her hand and forces herself to listen with her eyes shut.

"What's your medical opinion — could the dog have been a carrier for a lycanthropic virus or bacteria alongside its owner?"

Scully sniffs, trying to formulate a response. "It would most likely be some kind of prion disease," she mumbles in response. "They're, um... transmissible spongiform encephalopathies — a kind of neurodegenerative disorder. They're usually spread by bodily fluids — blood, urine, saliva, you know."

"Okay..." Even half asleep, Scully can hear him prompting her to continue.

"Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease is a TSE, actually," she adds, remembering their most recent active case before this.

Mulder is quiet for a minute and in that time, Scully nearly falls back asleep again. "So you're saying that lycanthropy is — would be," he corrects for her benefit, "A... TSE?"

"Most likely. They cause abnormal folding of brain proteins," she explains, essentially reciting back a chapter of a textbook she barely remembers. "Chronic Wasting Disease."

"Zombie deer?" Mulder asks, surprised.

"Mmhmm." Scully yawns. "CWD is a prion disease."

"Ah."

"But," she says, then pauses.

Mulder hesitates. "But...?"

"It's unlikely that a TSE, even one with canine or even human aggression as symptoms, would cause the kind of physiological shifting commonly accepted of what we think of as werewolves."

Mulder is quiet again for a while, and Scully yawns again. "What time is it?" She asks groggily after a few moments of silence. When Mulder doesn't answer, she finally lifts her cheek from her hand and looks over at him. He's watching her with a curious smile, like something about her is fascinating him. "What?" She asks, feeling suddenly slightly flustered.

"Say that again," he prompts.

Scully blinks, partly to clear the sleepiness from her head but partly in confusion. "What time is it?"

Mulder shakes his head, still watching her with that same look of what she might call wonder. "No, before that."

Scully frowns, trying to remember what she'd even said. "If you weren't paying attention," she says, "That's your own issue. You asked for my opinion and I told you-" And very suddenly, it hits her why he's looking at her like that, and her voice tapers off, leaving her mouth hanging half open.

"I didn't know you have a lisp," Mulder says, still smiling like that. In any context, the way he's looking at her makes her look away.

Scully puts a hand over her mouth and tries not to drown in sudden insecurity. She's barely thought about her lisp in so long, never really considered how she might react when Mulder heard it. She doesn't think he's laughing at her, but she's also startled by the entire situation and a forgotten well of childish self-consciousness starts to open up in her.

"Oh, God," she whispers, looking down at her hands in her lap. She licks her lips, hesitates, thinks very hard about what she's about to say and how it's going to sound. She'd forgotten how much work this takes when she's tired like this. "It slips when I'm tired," she explains. She still doesn't look at Mulder until he reaches across and brushes his fingers against her arm. She looks up, then, and meets his eyes.

Mulder's surprised, wondering smile softens a bit when she meets his gaze. "I like it," he says quietly.

Scully knows somewhere deep in her heart that he's being entirely genuine, and it catches her off guard. She huffs a tiny, startled little laugh and ducks her head again.

"What?" Mulder asks, confused.

Scully sighs. "It took so long to teach myself not to lisp," she says. "I was twenty before I finally managed it." She risks a glance at him out of the corner of her eye.

Mulder tips his head to the side, maybe just listening, maybe trying to catch her eye again. "Wow." He pauses. "I do like it, though."

Scully, tired and with a faint, embarrassed flush fading from her cheeks, finally smiles and tilts her head so he can see it. "Thanks," she answers softly. She's not sure she can quite convey how much his reassurance means to her; she wants, suddenly, to reach over and take his hand, to show how much the affirmation of something she's been so insecure over means to her in a way he understands better. Before she can, though, both of them jump at the sound of a long, high-pitched howl cutting through the night.

"That came from the woods behind the house." Mulder looks at her for confirmation. "Want to do some possible werewolf-wrangling?"

Scully bites back the grin still pulling at her lips. There's a strange lightness in her chest, not just the floaty feeling of exhaustion. "Of course" she replies, the S still half-slurred, and reaches for her door handle.

[wahbegan]

Shit That Happens in Blonde, In No Particular Order

Marilyn Monroe’s mother tries to drown her in a scalding hot bath as a child

Marilyn Monroe is raped by a Hollywood exec at her first audition

Marilyn Monroe hallucinates her mother telling her to kill herself on-set of Don’t Bother to Knock

Marilyn Monroe has a (fictitious) abortion after getting spooked about her career and her mother’s treatment of her, as well as her mental illness

Marilyn Monroe tries to back out of said abortion but is forced to go through with it

Marilyn Monroe gets pregnant again and hallucinates the fetus is talking to her, guilt-tripping her about the abortion

Marilyn Monroe, at the premier of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, tearfully whispers to herself “for this, you killed your baby?”

Marilyn Monroe miscarries the second baby and has a nightmare about getting a second abortion

Both abortions have a weird like from-inside-the-vagina pov shot

The miscarriage has an in utero shot

There is about idk a minute and a half? 2 minutes? That’s just a close-up of Marilyn Monroe’s face as she sucks JFK’s dick

JFK then rapes her??? I think??

Marilyn Monroe regresses to a child state when abused by Joe DiMaggio

Marilyn Monroe asks Arthur Miller “Am I your good girl, Daddy?”

Marilyn Monroe spends the entire movie obsessively chasing her absent father, and when she OD’s on barbies, her final thoughts are of his face in the clouds and shit. I really cannot stress enough, this movie, she is Captain Ahab and her dad is her white fucking whale

Marilyn Monroe has a bizarre throuple with Eddie Robinson & Charlie Chaplin, Juniors. This is the one time she has consensual sex in the movie and even then her agency is bizarrely lacking. They kinda just strip naked and talk her into it with weird artsy fartsy shit and also i think they’re all on drugs. This three-way relationship lasts a long time.

It’s off-screen, but Joe DiMaggio beats the living SHIT out of her with a belt i mean the house is shaking

Marilyn Monroe is portrayed in a way that, maybe i’m just an idiot, but her only three defining personality traits seem to be “I SHOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN THAT ABORTION I WANT A BABY”, “WHERE’S MY DADDY”, and “MARILYN MONROE’S NOT ME I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM”

Marilyn Monroe, summarily, spends three FUCKING hours wandering around in a doe-eyed, teary daze, just kinda reacting to horrible shit people are doing to her

Marilyn Monroe laughs. Uhh....twice, throughout the movie, that i can think of off the top of my head

[parkers-gal]

yay! okay so I was thinking, what I'd the reader and Tom had a fight, could be over anything, but the reader was pregnant and a few years after, they bump into each other and they get back together. Sorry if it doesn't make sense.

this has been sitting in my inbox for a fat couple of months… sorry 😭

wc: 1.7k ! <3

—

“No, because you’re selfish and you can’t handle the fact that my life doesn’t revolve around you and your needs.” Tom spits out the words angrily, viciously, voice harsh and crisp.

You’re both frustrated beyond belief, and the bubble that had been overblown had finally popped, splattering your relationship and all the joyful aspects of it. Right now, you felt as if all that was left was the toxicity of two unbearable people who happened to love each other. You knew, deep down, that you loved each other enough to get through this, but with every passing moment, with every exchanged word, you realized at least one of you wouldn’t survive the damage.

“No, Tom. You’re selfish. You’re conceited and you only care about being a goddamn movie star. What happened to the family man, huh? What happened to staying tied down with me and your brothers?”

“Nothing happened to him! I’m still that person. I am a family guy.”

“Not to me, you aren't.”

“Well you’re not family!” He seethes through his teeth, anger radiating off of his short-tempered demeanor. You don’t even know how to react, so you spend the time soaking in the situation and how you should respond instead of actually doing it.

“You’re a fucking jackass. I asked when I could spend time with you and now you don’t even consider me as part of the family.”

“No,” He’s clear and concise even through the anger. “You asked when I’m going to stop living my life.”

“I said no such thing.”

“You didn’t have to! We both know that’s what you meant.”

“You’re not even on the same page as me anymore,” You scoff, arms crossing. “Seems like all this time in Hollywood made you forget that you’re not always the main character.”

“Fuck that, Y/N! Fuck! That!”

“No, Tom. Fuck. You.” You over-express your emotions, and after two more minutes of unbearable silence and screaming, he’s leaving your apartment just as fast as he arrived. You’re in shock, fingers shaking while you clear your throat, which is frayed and sore from all the yelling.

You sit back, elbows on your knees while your hands smoothen out your forehead. Tear after tear escapes your sobbing body, and eventually, you fall asleep on the couch.

In the weeks to come, you’ve realized the blow-out of a breakup could’ve been handled so much differently, but Tom hasn’t seemed to cool down at all — he’s petty enough to unfollow you on all social media, and you figure it’s time to let the hatred be mutual. You don’t touch your imessages, however, letting the love in those texts linger for a little longer.

Before you know it, you’re throwing up into the toilet boil, coughing violently at the action and spitting the bitter taste as best you can. You clean up, and when you check your phone, a small notification from your period tracker app alerts you that this is the second period in a row that has gone by without a hello.

Worried, you call Aisha, your closest friend and confidant. She’s over in no time, bringing along her girlfriend while you rant on the phone about your worries. They stop at the drugstore on the way.

The cause of your problems is discovered that day, and you collapse on the bathroom floor in agony, hands wiping at your face — through all the anger and fear and worry, you still love Tom. So much that Aisha even attempts to call Tom. But, alas, it’s sent straight to voicemail, and you realize he might’ve gone to extreme extents in blocking everyone.

You’re stuck going to the ultrasound with two lesbians and a frail old cat. Aisha is as supportive as ever, but as the doctor explains the process of each option, you feel sicker and sicker about the idea of getting rid of the fetus. In the end, you choose to keep the child you’re bearing, even if your ex-lover isn’t even in the picture.

Inevitably, the months pass, and as baby Charlie is brought into the wonderful world, you realize life as a single mother isn’t as scary as you thought it would be. In the first few months of your pregnancy, you’d kept tabs on what film Tom was doing and which was coming out next, but after the hormones and cravings, you’d decided to let the past sizzle and fade out in the way it was meant to all along.

It’s been almost three years since that fateful breakup, and Charlie is just reaching two and a half years old. You’re still single, and you’re okay with that. Charlie is all you need, all you’ve ever wanted, and the most important thing in your life. He’s young, and school is still a couple years away, but you enjoy having the toddler by your side, walking hand in hand with you because you’re his guardian, his provider, his only parent. You make him your only priority, because you don’t want him to grow up without anyone to love, or anyone to love him.

It’s hard, though. It’s hard because he’s a constant reminder of what didn’t happen, a constant reminder of what went wrong and of what you no longer have. You miss Tom more than words can express, and Charlie’s mop of brown curls reminds you of all the moments you’d run your fingers through Tom’s hair. You reminisce more than you’d like to, about Tom and your past, and though Charlie is technically half of the Brit, he’s one hundred percent yours. Because you’re the only one here, and that’s alright.

“Mummy,” Charlie tugs on your shirt’s hem while you move the shopping cart forward through the aisle. “Can we get the goldfish with superheroes?”

You jutt your lip out in a smile, nodding happily. “Of course we can, bub.”

As you step forward, you pit stop in the aisle, nearly tripping on the cart. You make direct eye contact with the man you used to love with your entire heart. The man who walked out with your heart and never gave it back. He’s staring right back at you, curls looking as fluffy as ever, face still a soft glow. Your breath hitches, and it’s then that you realize Charlie is still talking.

“Mummy?” He asks, and it’s just loud enough for Tom to hear. Harry, who’s beside Tom with an arm full of crackers and chips. Tom moves forward a few steps, hastily in an attempt to get more information.

“Uh, hi,” His smile is tight lipped as he stands at the other end of your shopping cart. Charlie shies away from strangers, standing behind your leg and holding your shirt with his grubby hands.

“Hi,” you return his awkward, reserved demeanor.

“Mummy who’s this?”

“‘Mummy?’” Tom has a follow up question for everything, and you internally panic, unsure on how to approach this.

You’d spent so long deciding how you should tell Tom that he was a dad. You spent hours debating on if you should pick up the phone or drive over just to tell him a truth you’ve kept inside for so long. You’ve abandoned social media, only sharing aspects of your life you can afford to post. Charlie is only occasionally on your page, but it’s not like Tom would see that, not after all that’s happened.

Your mouth opens and closes while you debate on how to reply. You’re physically incapable of saying your response, and it makes you even more nervous. You’re nervous on how he might react, what he’ll say, but most importantly, if he’ll stay.

“Is this…?

“My kid…” You fill in. “I- I mean our… our kid.” You pull your bottom lip between your rows of teeth, and you watch as Tom’s face undergoes thousands of expressions all at once. He’s surprised, shocked, happy, afraid, uncertain. You want the world to swallow you whole, suck you up so you don’t have to go through any of this again. But you don’t. Instead, you hold Charlie’s hand a little tighter.

“Our kid?” He drops a can of soup and you flinch at the loud noise.

“Mummy, who’s that?”

“That’s…” You don’t know how to answer his question. Instead, you lean down to his level, comfortingly and gently. “He’s a man.”

“Who’s that man?”

“He’s… your daddy.”

“I thought… no daddy?”

You purse your lips and furrow your brows. Tom’s watching the entire encounter from his place, but after a few beats, he steps forward, entering your bubble. Charlie doesn’t cower away this time, but looks up in curiosity.

“Hi, Charlie,” Tom extends his hand, adjusting his jeans so he can lean down just as you are, kneeling beside the young boy.

You look down, avoiding your worries and Tom’s gaze. He’s tearing up, and you want to cry too. You’re in a fucking supermarket, for god’s sake. This wasn’t how you envisioned any of this planning out, and though you’re mentally kicking yourself for letting it happen this way, you can’t help but feel like maybe this was meant to be. Written in the stars or whatever the folks say — you’re just grateful Charlie has at least a sliver of hope for two parents. Not that you can’t handle it, because you can, but you know someone like Tom wouldn’t want to miss something as important as this.

“I’m To- I’m…” He swallows thickly, making brief eye contact with you before looking back at Charlie. “I’m your dad.”

“Do you love my mummy?” He’s not shameless, but he’s still that shy little boy. “My friend says daddy’s love mommy’s so you must love mine, right?”

Tom lets a tear fall while he exhales a chuckle. He swipes the drop with the tips of his fingers, and the hand gripping Charlie’s squeezes it a little tighter. A glance in your direction is all it takes for him to answer Charlie’s question. “Yeah, buddy. I do.”

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[fetus-cakes]

Charlie you have told me some wild ass stories about your family but a couple trying to get their daughter to fuck the guy they had a one night stand with is a whole new level

swingers are the funniest type of couple in the world to me

[tricktster]

the twilight series suddenly makes 100% more sense if you read them under a specific premise that, i contend, is heavily supported by the text:

Much like Amy’s diary in Gone Girl, the books in the Twilight Saga are verbatim reproductions of in-universe diary entries carefully and deliberately created and curated by badass unreliable narrator Bella Swan as a means to achieve immortality.

Prerequisite assumptions:

1) Bella actively and persistently wants to become a vampire, both diagetically and (I contend) non-diagetically. The average vampire novel format often fails to capture realistic human behavior in one highly specific area: the protagonists are frequently mortals who grapple with the choice of whether to become a vampire. This is stupid, because being a vampire would obviously be dope as hell; particularly in the Twilight Universe, where vampires are not required to take a human life to survive, and indeed, have the capacity to live full and rewarding lives while integrated* into the human community.

(*integrated-ish; see Assumption 6)

2. There are too many coincidences for Bella to have encountered the Cullens by sheer chance, only to be the ONE person that Edward can’t live without (due largely to the novelty factor of not being able to read her ding-dang thoughts.)

3. Diagetically, the Volturi don’t even know Bella’s psyonic gifts until New Moon, but we also know that the Volturi scour the globe for recruits to enlist into the protection of their governing body.

4. Nobody wants to be a voiceless cog in a bureaucracy.

5. Nobody, and especially nobody in high school, wants to be a high school student forever.

6. Vampires in twilight are, as a group, cartoonishly terrible at disguising their true nature.

7. Forks is a backwater town approximately 3.5 hours away from the biotech hub of Seattle.

7. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney can eat my farts and they deserve to be preserved in this snapshot of an innocent author’s mind slowly unraveling.

Proposed timeline:

In 1993, there is a key system meltdown at a improvised biohacking startup in Seattle, rendering all innovative genetic modification experiments into a puddle of brown sludge that nobody can figure out how to dispose of per Federal regs, since they don’t even know what it is.

The broke founder of the startup, who for the purposes of this timeline I will call Jeff Bezos because that’s who it was, eventually grows tired of all the discussion about what to do, and just pops it in a barrel, drives a few hours out of town, and dumps it in a pond.

Bella Swan, a small child, is hanging out at a park with her family friend Jacob Black (and a ton of his friends) when they all decide to wade in a slightly murky pond. Thereafter, they are transformed.

Bella grows up as a normal, highly powerful mutant with a +20 to deception checks and wisdom saves. She lives in Arizona, but up until 2002, summers in Forks. While in Forks, she picks up on the local lore about a family of vampires who don’t eat people.

Because Forks (population: 17 + Charlie’s mustache) is boring, Bella bones up on the only interesting thing about it, i.e. Vampire Hometown baybeeeee.

In 2000, George W. Bush gets elected president, and his evangelical politics and general bumbling ineptitude informs Bella’s opinions on authoritative governmental entities.

In 2001, the Cullens make their intention to move back to Forks known, but they take a while because they need to pack all their stupid graduation hats and volvos, etc.

Later in 2001, a psychic Volturi scout rolls through Forks to ensure that nobody within living memory recalls the Cullens, and notices an anomaly in the psychic field.

The scout goes to confront Bella about joining the Volturi, and Bella immediately clocks him as a vampire, because vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human. This leaves the scout in a bind: she’s too valuable to kill, but she’s a pre-teen, and therefore too young to be transformed per Volturi authority.

The scout warns her he’ll have to kill her if she discusses the existence of vampires with any human. He then tells her he’ll be back in five years, and begins to sweet talk her on how good life will be when she’s a vampire, beautiful, immortal, powerful, etc. Bella asks if she has to kill, and dude says “nah, actually there’s a bunch of vegetarian vampires who are moving back here soon. Fucking nerds, but otherwise they’re doing well.” Bella is all about becoming a vampire, because Bella is a rational actor.

Bella moves to Arizona, and as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are unjustifiedly initiated, she recognizes that while she DOES want to be a vampire, she does NOT want to be a foot soldier in any war that she can’t support. She needs a plan.

In 2004, Bella is watching her step-dad’s minor league baseball game when it occurs to her. On her own, she’s a target for the Volturi, but if she had some people to watch her back, she might be okay. Of course, nobody fucks with the Volturi on behalf of some rando human. She’ll need to con her way into a coven who’ll have her back and also give her that +10 to constitution via vampiric transformation, which she desperately wants because she’s a rational actor. And where are the non-volturi vampires that might have her back? Fucking Forks.

Bella moves to Forks in 2004, and upon seeing the Cullens, she immediately clocks them as vampires even though they left their “we’re all vampires” booty shorts at home, because, as previously discussed, vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human.

Bella notes that all the vampires but one are paired off in heterosexual bliss, and takes note of the straggler as a potential vehicle to vampyrdom.

Bella figures out that Eddie can read everyone’s mind but hers, because Edward Cullen fucking sucks at looking/acting like a human who can’t read minds. Bella further observes that Eddie has a huge undead boner for her.

She’s found her mark. Now she just needs to convince him that she’s better off as part of the coven than on her own. Problem: Eddie’s a self-pitying insufferably guilt-striken perpetual adolescent who keeps himself busy by feeling sorry for himself because he’s a vampire, angst angst angst etc etc. Also, I think he’s Catholic, so add some more guilt in. She’ll have to win him over by convincing him that they’re destined to be soulmates.

What does a vampire used to having complete insight into everyone’s mind but his crush’s want? A method to know what she really thinks of him. Bella begins writing a “diary” knowing that there’s no way in hell Eddie won’t sneak in and read it. So she Gone Girls it, and begins to lay a trap to lure him in. That first diary? Twilight.

This was just in the movie but a stoner chases her around with a worm on a stick. Nothing to do with this theory, I just like that part of the movie. Where’s my spinoff about that guy?

Eddie won’t give Bella what she wants (eternal life) by the end of book 1, even though she asks him to EXTREMELY POLITELY. Time to hit the diary with some more promises of undying love.

Bella reconnects with her old friend Jacob and the rest of the Mutated By Jeff Bezos Boys. Alas, they cannot turn her into a physically powerful sexy immortal with a bite, so she’s still stuck with plan A) win over a whole family of vampires with big Mormon energy. It’s the long con.

Edward’s angst abruptly takes a swing towards terminal. He’s absolutely your classic sadboy, perhaps because Bella now has one (1) friend that he knows about.

When Eddie begins to drift away on account of Angst, Bella conjurs up a secondary love interest who, coincidentally, is ALSO a sexy supernatural entity, and is much less coincidentally just Jacob.

We should establish here that Edward is like a 107 year old white dude and so even though Diary!Bella pretends not to see it, Metatextual Frame Story!Bella knows that dude is super racist.

Jacob Black is three things: 1. Like Bella, a mutant (although one with shapeshifting abilities), 2.one of Bella’s oldest and most trusted confidants, and 3. down to clown on an elderly teenage vampire who keeps stereotyping him. Sure, says Jacob, I’ll take the form of a werewolf. He seriously thinks we’re all just beastmen, huh? Hey look at me now, I’m Regis Philbin because this is 2005 and Who Wants to be a Millionaire is still sort of relevant. Sick.

Edward does not like that Bella has one (1) other friend. Bella and Jacob plot to use this to their advantage and lure Edward back on the wings of jealousy.

Eddie gets himself into trouble on account of Angst and poor communication, so Bella has to go rescue him from himself/the Volturi.

Aro finally meets her and gets to test her powers, which impress him. Now she’s back on the fucking radar.

I forget everything that happens in Eclipse, so i have chosen to omit that part.

Eventually she extracts a quid pro quo from Eddie; i’ll marry you if you turn me into a dracula.

We don’t really call ourselves that, Wet Blanket Cullen replies, entirely earnestly.

Bella gets married at 18 in 2006, and Eddie starts to backtrack his promise about changing her. This won’t stand.

Well, look, he’s an elderly guilty catholic/mormon teen who probably still uses super racist terms, but she’s stuck on honeymoon island, he has certain angles that work for him, and seriously what are they gonna do but fuck? Bella’s alternative is listening to her “husband” drone on about his interests, which are almost certainly Car, How Do I Post a Minion Picture on Facebook, and Licorice Used To Be a Lot Cheaper in the Good Old Days.

Whoops a fetus.

Bella recognizes that she’s GOT to have this baby: time’s running out, and Bella knows that at least two of the Vamps in her coven will cut ties if she terminates or otherwise fails to carry this baby to term because of the conservative religious subtext. She’s going to have to stick it out for 9 months, even though it’s a risky call.

Bella gets what she wants after giving birth. “My time as a human is over, but I've never felt more alive. I was born to be a vampire.” That’s a direct quote. Except now she’s got a (pretty cute and easy) baby that she desperately wants to protect from Turning Into A Vaguely Religious Cullen Dressed Head To Toe In Cream Colored Wool.

Bella decides to fake her own death and escape with the kid and Jake so they can form i guess a detective agency. Bella will get “killed” by the Volturi, move to Sydney, and open up shop, and Jake will take the kid after her a few months later.

They’re gonna need a reason why Jake gets the kid though, and there’s only one reason to do anything amongst the Cullens: a heterosexual love interest with a super problematic age gap.

Jesus, Jake sighs, is Eddie really going to believe I’m in romantic love with your actual infant? Does he really think that little of me?

Yup.

Bella tries to draw the Volturi’s attention.

Works too well.

The Cullens call up all their vague acquaintances, who are at least kind of fun. Particularly that one dude who keeps getting angry about British conduct during the American Revolution.

Well, fuck, now the Volturi are bringing an army to fight their ragtag army of Vampires Who Are Cool And Interesting Enough That We Can Safely Presume They Are All Definitely Gay. Bella can’t let those guys die, they’re the first actually compelling vampires she’s ever talked to.

Bella saves the day because she’s OP.

All the Cool Vamps start packing up to leave and Bellz almost goes with them, but the Cullens would just keep sending missionaries after her if they knew.

Bella finishes her fourth journal with the vague warning that the Volturi are still out there somewhere and they miiiight just try and get her.

Two days later, she stages a scuffle and gets the fork out of Fucks. Her journals are the only clue.

Sirius Black and baby nessie follow once edward has stopped sobbing into his cream colored sweater and moved on to Extended Power Pouting.

Bella recruits her own army of fledglings.

Bella stages a coup against the Volturi and succeeds.

Bella sits on the iron throne with a hot lady vampire on each knee and they all kiss and stuff.

Nessie I guess forms a post punk band?

Edward dies from aspiration of a brussel sprout that he ate because he just wanted to feel something.

Charlie and Billy get married.

Charlie’s mustache develops a cult instagram following, providing them with a modest retirement income.

Jacob shapeshifts into Bill Murray and is always crashing weddings.

Bella’s stepdad is off in the B plot this whole time winning the world series with the help of a kooky angel.

There. Fixed. My soul is at rest.