#ferry definitely has some feelings about having to do this guy in

[cheeseceli]

Dates with Ateez

Pairing: Ot8!Ateez × Gn!reader (individually)

Genre: fluff, reactions

Request: ateez and how/where they'd take you on a date

Warnings: mentions of food at Seonghwa, Hongjoong and Mingi's, Yeosang is an idol, some skinship at Mingi and Yunho's

A/n: idk why but for some reason I read the request as "first dates" instead of just "dates", so there are some mentions of first dates here and there lmao | daily click

Seonghwa - farmer's market

‌hear me out!!

‌this one would be very spontaneous

‌first of all he just wanted to cook something for you

‌but there are missing ingredients

‌and yes, he could go to the supermarket but that's boring

‌so!!

‌he calls you and you both go to your local farmer's market

‌one thing that you thought was gonna be quick and mundane just became a whole activity

‌mostly because of the cozy ambient and nice sellers, but especially because there was something so familiar and nice to have you by his side like that

‌it was so domestic

‌made him feel like a happily married man

‌so he makes a mental note to have more dates with you like this

‌and he also takes you home to make the most delicious dish ever known to mankind

‌(buys you fresh flowers from there)

Hongjoong - a walk around the city

‌i think this one would be totally unplanned

‌accidental even

‌like, you guys were supposed to only have lunch and go back to your jobs

‌but no one actually wants to do that right

‌so what starts with just a brunch turns into visiting every single store in the city very soon

‌and it's always so nice every single time

‌you guys constantly discover new spots on town because of this random walks you go to

‌and Hongjoong secretly loves it because even when he's alone, every single spot becomes a memory of you

‌soon enough the entire city is just something that is connected to you in every single way

‌and he obviously wouldn't complain about that

‌so it becomes a routine for him to just pick you up and adventure yourselves into new parts of the neighbourhood

Yunho - amusement park

‌you can't convince me that this isn't the most "yunho" thing ever

‌he would 100% take you on an amusement park

‌it provides you both a lot of time together and it's fun

‌and he's your laugh's biggest fan ever, so of course he needs you to smile

‌call it cliche but he would want to do the Ferris wheel kiss

‌not on your first date tho because he thought it'd be too much

‌but when you guys are already dating, he'd definitely do that

‌it almost becomes a tradition

‌at some point it's even funny because you'd look at a Ferris wheel and give each other knowing looks

‌and you know when there are those roller coasters and you can take a picture during the rides?

‌he always keeps those

‌not matter how blurry, how ugly or how weird it came out

‌he has a whole album with pictures like that

Yeosang - picnic

‌i feel like this would be more of a first date idea with him

‌that occasionally comes along every once in a while

‌but it's mostly about the first encounter

‌a low-key secluded part in the park, preferably close to a river

‌just something very calm and peaceful

‌where you could talk about everything and anything at once

‌maybe even play a game only the two of you

‌idk it feels so ideal

‌it's the peace he's been longing for and, considering his busy and hectic life as an idol, that's precisely what he needed

‌overall I think he would love dates that could provide him a bit of comfort

San - arcade

‌this would be so fun hear me out

‌it doesn't matter if it's your first or 639274th date, he will try to impress you

‌and he would probably succeed because he seems like the type of guy who can do everything

‌would win you plushies

‌or any other type of prize you can possibly win at arcades

‌and even though he's trying to impress you, there's still this playful competition between the two of you

‌even after years of dating it still feels like you both are just teenagers in love honestly

‌even a complete stranger would smile by seeing you both interacting in the arcade

‌after so many times going there, you guys must win some type of discount honestly

Mingi - movie night

‌here we're talking about a whole marathon of movies

‌with snacks and blankets for the two of you

‌in the dorms (he would kick the boys out of there)

‌and he would plan everything

‌he's actually quite proud of himself because he really thought of every single detail

‌and the atmosphere is just so cozy

‌besides the movies are your favourites with his favourites and some that you both planned on watching together

‌he realised that one could figure out a lot about somebody by just watching their favourite movies

‌anyways

‌the mood is super cool, you guys laughed a lot with your few comments in between scenes and you even cried together at some point

‌and if you do end up sleeping on each other's shoulders, it's not like he'd complain about that

Wooyoung - escape room

‌this right here is the perfect formula for chaos

‌just the two of you running, screaming and laughing uncontrollably

‌I can't think of something better than this

‌and considering you are in a relationship with Wooyoung, chaos is much needed

‌besides you never know how it works with him

‌sometimes he's working with you and then he's working against you

‌whatever the case is, you can bet it's gonna be fun

‌and you are always 1000% sure this will be a day you'll remember fondly after a while

‌even if all he remembers is how you fell when trying to escape from one of the actors

Jongho - karaoke

‌i'm almost sure I already wrote something like this

‌and I'm so right for that ngl

‌first, this is a fun date and not too cliche, but also not that odd

‌secondly, between songs you guys would be able to talk to each other and still have a nice activity to do afterwards

‌and lastly, he could showcase his vocals and hopefully woo you over with his abilities

‌so literally every single bit of it would be perfect

‌maybe just maybe, if he's feeling a bit too bold by the end of the session, he would serenade directly to you

‌with your favourite song perhaps

‌or maybe that would need to wait until your next date

‌because he is certainly hoping this will only be the first of many

Masterlist | you'll probably like: when they have a crush

Reminder that this is all fiction, this does not represent the members in real life!

Taglist (open!): @yuyubeans

Dividers by @thecutestgrotto | images 1, 2 and 3

[parkaplayboy]

main 4 + butters trying to court you HCs!

warnings: mentions of puking (stan), marijuana mention (stan) all characters are 18+ ! gender neutral reader !

Kenny McCormick

he's a nervous wreck.

when he flirts with people it usually just a one-time fling, nothing serious.

so when you pop into his life, he doesn't know what to do with himself

he's never felt this serious about anyone before

it almost angers him from the absolute chokehold you have this man in.

"I'm fucking Kenny McCormick! The original flirt! So why the hell can't I talk to them"

after every fumble he usually ends up in stan's room to sulk yet again.

stan finds it amusing to see him fumble so often

he tries so, so hard to maintain his usual air of confidence, but every time he talks to you he starts to flounder

"heyyyy, hot stuff.. you.. uh *cough* you come here often?"

it's kind of endearing to see the way he trips over his own feet to come over and talk to you

has actually face planted directly in front of you one more than one occasion

the boys rip on him ENDLESSLY for it.

he may not have much money, but what he lacks in funds he makes up in experience.

he will offer to tag along with you for even the most mundane tasks

"Ken, I'm just going to the hardware store." "What you meant to say is we are just going to the hardware store."

fiddles with the hem of his parka when he gets shy

god forbid you flirt with him. he CANNOT handle it

the poor boy damn near passed out the first time you kissed him.

Stan Marsh

for the most part he's level headed

until you fluster him too much.

the first time you flirted back he projectile vomited all over his own shoes.

he tries to make up for what he lacks in the words department with gifts.

if you smoke weed he will steal some from Randy's farm and give it to you

if that's not your thing, he will buy you trinkets and say "i saw this and thought of you"

he will invite you to band practice and not so subtly "serenade" you

kenny heckles him when he does this.

he will offer to teach you how to play guitar as an excuse to see you

when he finally decides to formally ask you out, it would most likely be when you guys are hanging out 1-1

he doesn't like grand gestures nor the pressure of other people in the room

Kyle Broflovski

hands down the most romantic out of the group

he'll buy you all the cliche romantic gifts

however he's not very good at flirting.. nor receiving compliments. not in person at least.

he gets flustered very easily

HOWEVER ! he found a loop hole :3

he may not be good at words when it comes to being face to face with you, but that doesn't mean he can't write down his thoughts.

which brings me to my next point !

he will leave letters for you to find!

kyle decorated the envelopes like a cliche anime confession note

eric has yet to let him live it down.

he's definitely big on grand gestures!

when he asks you out he'd do it in a romantic spot

the top of the ferris wheel, during your favorite band's concert, etc

he wants to do it big !

Eric Cartman

I hate to say it.

but he becomes more of an asshole than usual

but not in the mean way if that makes sense?

he just generally becomes a grade A nuisance

eric is definitely one of those guys that think teasing = flirting

he's not too big on gifts (besides snacks) but if he does get you something, he will try to make it seem like the smallest deal possible.

"yeah, yeah, whatever, it was on sale. don't cry over it or I'll take it back"

deep down really likes it when you get excited because it makes him feel like he did a good job

circling back to the snacks thing!

he truly views food as the sixth love language

he won't ask you directly, but he will try hard to figure out your favorite foods so he can buy/give them to you

first time he has you over for dinner he begs his mom to make your favorite meal

he sends you memes daily,

it gets to the point where he's basically just sending his entire fyp to you

speaking of which !

when he asks you out, he will use one of those shitty text block memes that say smth like "we should hold hands in the burger king parking lot"

(its also a self protection method because if you said no he could pretend it was just the meme)

Butters Stotch

this boy is too nervous to ask you out, i'm afraid

you will infact have to make the first move

however!

he's such a sweetheart

he will always walk you home

butters will offer his coat to you even if you have your own

"Butters for one, I have my own coat, for two its not even raini-" "You can never be too bundled up!"

like stan, he physically cannot handle affection.

he gets nose bleeds every time he gets flustered because he blushes like a tomato

he has to start carrying around a tiny pack of tissues when you two hang out

you MUST be direct with this man.

he will not pick up on the fact that you're flirting unless you spell it out to him

the first time you flirted with him was when you were hanging out with him and the main four guys.

you said something flirty right before they dropped you off but he didn't have a single clue

"Butters. what the hell was that?!" "Well wh'dya mean, eric?" "Did you seriously not pick up on the fact that they were flirting with you?" "Th-they WHAT??"

~~~~~

a/n: how obvious is it that kenny is my fav...

[cryptonymdc]

Headcanons -> How they Hide their Identity from you (GN Reader)

Pt. 2

Green Arrow | Oliver Queen 

With no power of his own. God, no ones ever seen the Green Arrows Face? How could you suspect him? Has Oliver Queen ever given up a chance to show off his magnificent facial hair? No. And Green Arrow’s hood hides his face from everyone who is not his enemy. That’s not Oliver Queen’s style at all. Please ignore all the villain testimony that Green Arrow is rocking some facial hair, and very styled too. No need to heed those. (Okay, slight power of his own, he might have scrubbed the one blurry image of his face under the hood from the internet. He still had his domino mask on, but you can never be too careful.) 

And yeah, he was missing for years, and has a ton of survival skills, but those are the kind of things you need to keep up. And Oliver Queen has been living in nothing but luxury since he got back, he’s not looking to rough it again anytime soon. Please ignore that one camping trip he took you on that proved his survival skills are very much intact. 

Same thing for scars that you might find on him. He had a tough time out there in the wild, and these are old things. Oliver just hopes you don���t know the difference between a fresh and an old scar. And a few bruises here and there aren’t hard to excuse, really. He’s not Batman. He has the advantage of a lot of range on his opponents. 

Oliver thought about taking you on an archery date, but thought better of it. He’d love to show off, but he just can’t risk it, can’t risk you. It’s not worth it, it's not worth the risk of you knowing. Because what then? Do you get involved? Do you lose sleep over it? He’d rather not do that to you. 

So Oliver Queen is not Green Arrow, not to you at least, not as long as he can help it. 

Green Lantern | Hal Jordan 

With the power of plausible deniability. It helps that Ferris Airlines has some tight NDAs about their work and testing, and so legally Hal can’t tell you what he does at work. He may just stretch the definition of work. So he’s not paid to be Green Lantern, but it is a corps, so it’s totally a full on job. He has assignments. Will he tell you if it’s for Oa or Ferris? Probably not. 

You know what also helps? Or helped rather. The fact that everyone was convinced Green Lantern was an alien from space. I mean, Superman is an alien, and he looks human. Why not Green Lantern? Right? Wrong. Especially when John Stewart became Green Lantern. Hal loves the guy, but Hal was discharged from the Airforce, and John still holds his code as a Marine very close. He feels it’s dishonest to hide his identity from the public, and so everyone knows John Stewart is Green Lantern, and he’s from earth. 

And there may have been an interview, where Earth officials asked how the greater universe and Lantern Corps felt about a Lantern from earth. And because John doesn’t like to lie, he told them the truth. He wasn’t the first Green Lantern from earth, Hal was. And now Hal is loud and proud about that on Oa, and John didn’t say his name out of respect, it kinda lost him some anonymity. Now everyone knew to look on earth for Green Lantern. 

But hopefully you guys were dating long before that, and you’d never suspect your boyfriend to be Green Lantern. Never. Sure, they have the same cocky attitude, and Green Lantern has a penchant for aircraft, and the same hair, but nah, not Hal, surly. 

Hal usually brushes off bruises and battering marks as either workplace accidents or a bar fight with the boys. Please don’t ask who the boys are. (It’s John Stewart, the well known Green Lantern, and there was a bar fight, it just happened to be on a different planet.) And of course you believe him, Hal is cocky, and that means he either made a mistake in his hubris or pissed the wrong guy off. Not hard to believe. 

No, Hal Jordan is not Green Lantern, ignore the nightlight he keeps in a safe, it’s one of a kind.

The Question | Vic Sage / Charles Victor Szazs 

With the power of nobody knows who the Question is. Unless you’re a criminal who had your operation busted by the PI, the greater public is not very aware of the Question. He’s not the kind of hero who gets a lot of attention. And, to be perfectly honest, his day job is not that far off from his night one. 

Charles Victor Szazs is your boyfriend, Vic Sage is his pen name as an investigative journalist, and the Question is a PI you don’t even know about. So your boyfriend is a bit messy and has a ton of investigations going at the same time, and there's always a mess of strings and cork boards around his apartment. Hub city has a lot going on, of course he’d be doing multiple stories at once. 

And he’s a bit of a conspiracy theorist, but his articles haven’t been wrong so far, so who are you to judge? Vic thought about getting a separate apartment for his investigations, but correctly assumed you’d assume he was having an affair instead of connecting girl scouts to crop circles. At least, until you suggested an office or something because you just could not deal with the mess. Problem solved, really. Now you can hang pictures instead of mysteries on the wall. 

And the mess, that’s his biggest clue that he struggles to cover up. He can’t erase the eyebags, and the evidence of how he hasn’t showered in three days because some corporate bigwigs were trying to do fraud with genetically altered butterflies. But maybe that’s just his charming personality you fell in love with, and you won’t think too hard about it. 

A part of Vic wonders how you haven’t caught on yet, but then again, you are neither looking nor are you the Question. He’d always be looking, he always is, and is his own worst critic. He sees how he leaves out crucial files on Cadmus that you just glance over, he sees how he took off his mask but forgot to take off his iconic suit when he came home, etc. 

But that’s the thing, isn’t it, you're not him. You’d have to be a conspiracy theorist to believe Vic Sage was the Question.

[outerbankies]

you didn’t do anything wrong & squeeze my hand baby... hype to read these bestie😩🥵

new light: no surprises

nl masterlist

a/n: thank you for sending this in!!! (so very very long ago) (desperately hope whoever sent this in is still around to read it or will stumble across it one day) (feel like it wasn't what you imagined in sending these prompts, but i tried!!!) takes place in part 6 (??) after the porch swing talk but before the goodbye. yes let’s go with that and sorry for any retcon

Rafe Cameron insists on walking you to your parents’ front door every time he drops you off. It’s second nature to you, now, to wait as he opens his truck’s passenger door and shuts it behind you once he’s helped you out, his hand outstretched for yours, which has hardly touched a door handle since you began dating. He’s a romantic, big on good-night kisses, and he’ll always wait until you’re inside before he so much as turns around to start walking back to his truck.

It took some getting used to, and you’d passed the point where you thought he might give it a rest. But that never happened, and you’d come to learn you want to expect nothing less—not from him or from any other guy you’d plan to get serious with, which was hardly a thought your mind could conjure these days.

How could it, when it was always taken up with remembering the names of songs you think he’d like, or reminding yourself to change out the water in the seemingly endless vases of flowers stationed on your desk, your dresser and your night table, or by reading books he’d recommend to you only after he’d finished them—after many sessions tucked together on a beach towel under the shade of an umbrella.

But maybe just this once, you really wish he was more like your ex-boyfriend back at college, the one who dropped you off at the end of your driveway and sped away more nights than he didn’t.

Of course, that just wouldn’t be your boyfriend Rafe Cameron.

“What do you think about the mainland tomorrow?” he asks, his hand at the small of your back, the two of you climbing the steps of your parents’ porch, slowly, drawing out the moments before goodbye.

“I think I love that idea,” you decide, smiling as you think about it. 

“Let’s get the early boat,” he says. “Sarah told me about this new brunch spot.”

“I definitely trust her taste. She’s bougier than you,” you say, drawing away from him and toward the door, hand still connected to his.

“I’m not sure if I’m insulted by that,” Rafe says, pulling you back toward him before shifting his body to fit between you and the door, giving you no access to the knob. “But I am sure that I’m not ready for you to go inside yet.”

“You’re not?” you muse, slipping your arms up and around his neck. 

About a month ago, you’d be concerned about your giddiness for him being written all over your face. But Rafe’s cheeks were almost permanently tinged pink in your presence, and it only has the effect of making you want him more. 

“This dress is insane,” he says, leaning in for a peck only after his eyes sweep up your frame the way they had been doing all night. “You gonna leave your window open for me tonight?”

“Might close it early,” you shrug, pretending to ponder on it.

But Rafe is having none of it, lips catching yours in a way that should embarrass you when you know your dad’s home office has a street-facing window. “Really?”

“Y’know, gotta catch that early ferry and all.”

“What time should I come?” he murmurs against your lips, his arms constricting impossibly tighter around your waist. “Or we can skip brunch. Actually, fuck brunch and forget I said anything.”

“I’ll text you,” you say. “Alright? Just hang on a bit.”

“I’ll try,” he sighs, dropping one more kiss to your forehead as you reluctantly step away. “But no sweat. Get some sleep if you need to, sweetheart.” 

The front door flies open just as you’re making to push it in, your mother’s excited face appearing before you. Never in the history of the world has that been a good sign.

“I thought that was you two!” she says. “Rafe, a pleasure as always.” 

“You as well, Mrs. Y/l/n. I was just going.”

“Nonsense,” she says, before turning to you. “Y/n, your grandparents are here.”

You blink. “Why?”

She glances between you and Rafe, still exuberant, ignoring your question completely. “Have him come in and meet them, will you? They’ll be so excited.”

Your head is spinning, but you feel Rafe’s hand slip into yours, and you give him a squeeze for reassurance. For who, you aren’t sure. “Mom—sorry, when did they get here? I wouldn’t have went out tonight if I knew.”

“They surprised us. Now surprise them back,” she urges, turning before you answer, heels click-clacking across the foyer. She glances over her shoulder, one last enticement. “Peach pie.” 

You turn to Rafe, sighing with your face immediately buried into his chest.

His laugh reverberates. “C’mon, baby girl.”

“You don’t have to come in. I promise,” you say.

“I want to. I promise,” he answers, shrugging. “As long as it’s alright with you, it’s alright with me. Your mom’s side, right?”

Your eyes widen, thinking about the alternative. “Yes. Jesus, if it was my dad’s, we’d be back down the road already.”

You sigh, trying to steel your nerves with your eyes shut tight. The door was still open—you needed to get in there sooner or later.

“Y/n,” Rafe says, your full name falling off of his tongue and invoking in your body an involuntary reaction. He was more keen on pet names, you’d noticed, and shortening your name to the one only your friends called you. “Are you alright?”

“I’m alright,” you confirm, taking him by the hand again as you both face the entryway. Your far hand reaches up to grab at the crook of his elbow, both of your hands gripping, but not too tight.

“Are you? What’s our signal?”

You feel your eyebrows knit. “Our signal?”

“Yeah. Y’know, like a code word or something when you need an out. You and Dylan don’t have one?”

You think back to previous holidays, the eye contact made at the table, the kicks in your shins and the heavier sips when you realize you’re on the same page—that it’s time to get just drunk enough to be able to handle this without tipping anyone off. “I think our signal might just be alcohol.” 

“I’m not getting drunk in front of your dad.” 

You roll your eyes. “I know.”

“What about Kelce?” 

“What about him?” you ask. “We don’t have a signal either.”

“No, his name. The word. Just say ‘Kelce’ if you need me to dive bomb us out of the dining room,” he says. 

You shake your head, still racking your brain and prolonging the inevitable. “That won’t work. My grandma loves talking about Kelce.”

“Huh,” Rafe says, incredulous, his mouth twisting. “Imagine that.”

“Sorry,” you wince, squeezing his hand again. “Sorry—she just. We’ve been friends for so long. That doesn’t matter. They’re gonna love you.”

“Just do that,” he says, like he’s already moved on. “Just squeeze my hand, baby.”

You look down at where your hand is clasped in his, giving another experimental squeeze and having it returned.

He nods, a question in his eyes. “Got it?”

“Got it,” you say with a grateful smile, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “And you do it, too. You know, if she does bring up Kelce and you can’t handle it. She still talks about his prom tux.”

“Too soon, Y/l/n,” he mutters, leading you over the threshold. “Too fuckin’ soon.”

—

“No more,” Rafe groans, his hand on his stomach. “I might explode.”

You eat the last bit of peach pie off the fork you’d been offering to him, the both of you giggling as he wipes a bit from the corner of your lips. The way he licks his thumb after has you grateful your grandparents are already halfway back home—you know Rafe wouldn’t come back over later if he knew your grandparents were spending the night.

“You realize she’ll show up at Thanksgiving with, like, three of those now?” you say, setting the fork on the plate he’s holding, which he quickly puts on the table beside the couch before he leans back.

“Let her. I’ll wear an elastic band.”

“A little presumptuous,” you say. “Thinking you’ll get an invite to my mother’s Thanksgiving dinner.” 

Rafe looks temporarily affronted. “I—”

“M’joking, baby,” you say, kissing his cheek, legs thrown over his. “She’d kill me if I didn’t bring you. And now I think my grandparents would, too.”

“Cliff is chill as hell. I can’t believe your grandpa runs a nonprofit. That’s not very Figure 8 of him,” Rafe says.

You roll your eyes, burrowing your head into his chest all the same as he fails to hide any affinity, just as your grandmother had done with him. Appeasing the women in your family could never be further down on your list of priorities, especially when it came to your suitors. But you couldn’t help but feel something happy settle in your stomach, watching your mom exchange looks with her own mother as they watched Rafe. 

“Maybe that’s why they moved.”

“I guess I’m surprised,” he admits. “Your mom… she’s so…”

“Figure 8?”

“Is that okay to say?”

“Yeah. She is,” you say. “It’s kinda engrained. But I think she likes it that way.”

“You’re not like that,” he says, his thumb dragging down your shoulder and back again. “What was your grandpa saying about a job next year?”

“Hm?” you say, snuggling down further into him, eyes starting to droop. 

“I dunno,” he says quieter. “I thought Cliff was talking about you coming to work for him next year.”

You heard him correctly the first time, but you honestly hoped he’d drop it. “Yeah. Just newsletters, digital. Stuff like that.”

“That sounds cool,” he says, and you can hear him trying in vain to keep his voice even.

“He said I’d get my own office,” you admit. “And a title.”

Rafe perks up slightly. “Oh yeah?”

“Senior nepotism associate.”

“Get out of here,” he laughs, tugging on the strand of your hair that he’d been twirling around his finger, a bit of the tension breaking between you. “That shouldn’t bother you. And it figures that’s your bloodline. All those ocean cleanups you dragged us to.”

“Seem to remember you showing up to…” you trail off, counting on your hands. “1, 2… let’s see, all of them?” 

He bats at your hands. “Alright, alright. Have you thought about it though?”

“A little,” you sigh, resigning yourself to the conversation you didn’t want to have. “I know a few of his employees. And I don’t think I’d mind working for him. Their mainland office isn’t a far walk from the ferry in. It’d be great, really.” 

“But…” he pries, tugging on the strand again.

“But,” you sigh. “I don’t know. I still don’t wanna close myself off to the idea of staying in California. I love it there. I’m making ins with Agnes and her network, I know it.”

He nods, going quiet for a while as you both gaze out at the water. “It’s nice that you have options, though.”

You turn to him then, taking his far hand and holding it between yours, fiddling with the cigar band on his ring finger. “It’s a whole year away, Rafe.”

“I know,” he says, leaning in to kiss your forehead. “Hey, I know. I just don’t like thinking about being away from you.”

“Well we’re… Rafe, we’re gonna be apart,” you say. “At least for a year. And that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

He nods again. “I guess... this summer, it’s just been easy to forget all of that. That I’m going to Georgia and you’re going to California, and you might not be coming back. But I am. And even though I know that... I don’t know what it says about me that I’m picturing having you here with me all the damn time.”

You’ve taken the time to picture it, too. It’s hard not to when most of the summer has been interrupted bliss, and you’ve been toying with the idea of coming back long before Rafe re-entered your picture.

“This is why I didn’t wanna talk about it,” you say morosely, beside yourself when you feel your tear ducts sting.

“Baby,” Rafe whispers. “Hey, baby. I’m sorry I brought it up. I just thought with how he was talking about it, I don’t know, it sounded like you were really considering it.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Rafe,” you tell him, willing your tears not to fall. But now that he’s onto you, that he’s reading the emotions in your eyes and feeling what’s weighing on your heart, it’s like your body decides it’s allowed to fall apart. You sniffle. “I don’t know what I’m considering. But I don’t like thinking about being away from you either.”

He thumbs away some tears, before looking back out across the horizon, the sky somehow almost an inky black color when it had just been lit up in hues of orange and pink minutes ago. 

“Hate it when you do that,” he says, his arm dropping around your shoulders again.

“What?” you ask.

“Cry because of me.”

You don’t have anything to say to that, and if you tried to speak again you might completely lose it, so you settle for slipping your hand back into his, squeezing as tight as you can.

Because you know this isn’t the first—and certainly won’t be the last—time that you’ll cry over Rafe Cameron.

[silens-oro]

There is going to be so much hurtttt 🙈 I beg you for some domestic fluff, a calm before the storm. Poor building Hawk something because he remembers she likes something from back in the day. He knows she also loves to watch him build shirtless in the lawn. Or the quasi family going on a small trip somewhere, like to a fair, and they’re just up in a ferris wheel cuddling as they watch Lena have fun. Or Pope being like I can’t pull a heist that day, I got ______just something so trivial. idk like helping Hawk do a big floral delivery for a wedding. Or going to Lena’s school performance (shame on you Baz)

I read that big ask and I couldn’t help but think it’s good that Hawk kept her inheritance to herself. I do wonder if Smurf low-key put Pope in there as a sort of honey trap to suss out just how much money Hawk has, we all know Smurf has so many plots cooking. She is not below prostituting her son to get access to a fortune.

Was pope getting out of prison the first time they officially hooked up? I imagine with their level of chemistry and attraction some things happened back when they were all still together. Or maybe during the lost years post-Julia exile, while she was bringing up J, when she was getting bothered by all the Cody brothers. Was Pope around? You know, before his imprisonment.

I will definitely be posting some domestic feel-good pieces here and there! All of these are such great ideas! I've added them to my Google doc for future posts. In my mind Hawk has a shared calendar with Pope so he knows going on between her and Lena and it irritates the shit out of the rest of the guys because he's like "Jane is on vacation this week so Hawk needs help with deliveries, general work at the shop (because he will 100% just hang around picking shit up and putting it down for her just so he can be around her and be useful. Jane was real freaked out about it at first when he started coming around)".

As to what Smurf is up to, I am keeping tight lipped about it for now, but yes Hawk was VERY smart to keep anything about her finances under lock and key from the very beginning. She told ABSOLUTELY no one other than Uncle Sam and the IRS. She's also the type of person to not buy flashy things, other than her house (mostly because of the location), so suspicions weren't really raised from anyone other than Smurf. Smurf knows that house cost a pretty petty when Hawk bought it and she knew that Hawk's shop, while it was a money maker, wasn't that kind of money maker.

Regarding Pope and Hawk, Julia made it ABUNDANTLY clear to her Pope and Craig (and Baz before their whole thing went down) that they weren't allowed to so much as look at Hawk for too long at the risk of her breaking their collective legs, and Pope was NEVER the type boy to put himself out there, so he never did anything other than look (when Julia wasn't there to see him) and talk to Hawk (only when Hawk initiated). There were definitely times when they got into the older teen years where the chemistry was absolutely palpable, but they are so alike in that they were stuck in their heads about the likelihood of rejection and self-worth being in the toilet thanks to Smurf, etc.

On the flip side of things, Smurf wanted Pope to tie Hawk down when they were young so she could work her in a different way than she was initially doing on Hawk that didn't take, especially after Julia was gone. She figured if Hawk connected herself to Pope, then Smurf could use that to her advantage, so she encouraged Pope at every turn, which only made it worse on his end. He was genuinely interested in Hawk and his mother's meddling made it feel gross and dirty, and he knew how much Hawk was not a fan of Smurf at that point, so it only pushed him away from trying to connect with her.

There were some VERY close calls though, but things just didn't have a chance to connect as the perils of life took over and Hawk left. He only saw Hawk a few times out of the year, face to face anyway. He seemed to have a way of keeping tabs on her without her ever knowing. As crazy as it sounds, they hooked up OFFICIALLY for the first time when Pope got out of prison. It was a very long time coming.

Smurf did send Pope to Hawk's shop from time to time to pick up flowers & plants she ordered for the house where he was so out of his element with Hawk as young adults that he would say a handful of words (sometimes when he was feeling particularly bold and just wanted to hear her talk, he'd ask her about landscaping questions (these are friendly in the ground together, right? or this wants shade, right? full sun? drought friendly? He asked her about the best naive pollinators just to hear her go on and on and on and on and show him some that she had in the greenhouse out back just so he could extend his time with her. Smurf was incredibly confused when he came back with her things plus a case of different native pollinators because he couldn't not buy anything after that without it looking weird on his end.) that he already knew the answer to because he does most of the outdoor work on the yard for Smurf, but Hawk's a human encyclopedia for this stuff and he was ENAMORED with her). Other times he'd either say next to nothing or give grunts of confirmation or denial at her questions, and she'd read that as he was just not interested so unless he asked her anything, she'd keep the interactions short. He very much was interested, as we now know.

I do have a pre-WEA companion piece coming up about pre-prison Pope being an absolute weirdo dropping by at the weirdest times (kind of like he did with Cath), but it was better received on Hawk's end. He would have bursts of faux confidence when he felt he could do something to get her attention, but would ultimately back off because he saw how good her life was without him and he felt that he would only be a detriment to her life.

[gretagerwigsmuse]

Hiii! What's up? I come bearing another idea :)

I think Smart Aleck is ever so slightly uptight, and while that works great because our dear, sweet Bradley can just fuck her to help release tension, I wonder if anyone in the squad made fun of her for it.

Like, I can imagine Jake making fun of her for being so uptight, or maybe some of them (hint: Jake) asking Bradley if he is trying to fulfil a professor kink or something.

When Smart Aleck hears that (even though she was very much not supposed to) I can see her feel bad because she knows that she can be very uptight and formal at first, but she doesn't let it bother her too much (obvi because why care about Jake's opinion, because even Bradley doesn't care about Jake's opinion, right? right?)

Bradley would firstly just reassure her as much as possible (Idk if I am projecting but I think that her love languages are words of affirmation and gift giving). Secondly, that would defo lead to some emotional yet fun sex and thirdly, I think that Bradley would have the following reaction during his subsequent conversation with Jake:

P.S. I love Jake, but when it comes to your fics, I will always root for Smart Aleck and Bradley

YES! i agree with you on a lot of these points! she’s definitely a little uptight (and prissy…and spoiled…) but that’s her, you know? it’s like that line in ferris bueller’s day off “pardon my french, but cameron is so uptight, if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you’d have a diamond” - lovingly, that’s her lol

and if you think back to the first fic/their first date, we never get that moment when she overhears jake and bradley from her pov? it’s from bradley’s? so we don’t know how much she heard or what’s going through her mind when jake is like hey bradshaw this girl has a stick up her ass. why are you doing this?? it’s not worth the effort? and i’ve always thought that really sticks with her and obviously that’s why bradley isn’t as close to jake as i know he is in a lot of other fics? like jake still saved bradley’s life, they still have to trust each other when they’re flying, but bradley doesn’t necessarily have to like him beyond that? they’re cordial

and her and bradley have absolutely talked about it at length early on when they were first dating, but i always had it in my head that jake’s comments and not knowing right away that bradley told him to fuck off bothers her because that’s such a similar refrain to what’s she’s heard from guys in the past? so maybe that’s why she was a little more bold and daring and let him finger her against his car in the parking lot and that’s how she kind of knew that bradley could take care of her in this new and different way? like she wanted to prove him wrong?

also i love the chandler pic because anytime i watch s4-6 of friends i equate chandler and bradley 🥰🤭

[oneatlatime]

Journey to Ba Sing Se, Part 1: The Serpent's Pass

Alternate title: Gimme Appa Back, Take Two.

Bit of a mouthful for a title. I will definitely be watching this apparent two parter as two single episodes. There's commentary too, but that'll wait for a rewatch.

The previously on segment seems to point to Suki making an appearance. I didn't like her in her original episode, so this bodes ill.

That was incredibly ominous title card music.

Explain this to someone who's never seen the show. Also, air mattress made of ice is a very efficient way to get hypothermia.

Sokka saying "no more distractions' actually summoned a distraction. He should look into harnessing that power.

This brings up a point I've been thinking about. So the Earth Kingdom are smart enough to house refugee transportation underground, presumably because they've figured out that fire can't dig. So why didn't the entire population of the Earth Kingdom just become mole people at the first sign of fire nation attack?

Get yourself Iroh's brand of chill. It's dearly bought in his case, but he has such a good way of looking at life. Also, half of Zuko's face is like an inch higher than the other half, and that haircut is not doing him any favours.

Oh god it's fuckboy. I'd take a million Sukis over fuckboy. Nice to see that the majority of his posse seems to have come to their senses and deserted him though.

CABBAGE GUY!!! HI CABBAGE GUY!!! I MISSED YOU!!!

She's got a point about destruction of the ecosystem, but unless there was woodworm in that cart, that platypus bear is guilty of needless destruction of cabbage guy's possessions.

I loved this. The double punch of getting stymied by bureaucracy and undermined by cosplayers. There are some wacky ideas in this episode.

Aang! You may have lost Appa but you still have your glider! You don't need a passport or a ticket! Just fly to Ba Sing Se and make puppy dog eyes at the Earth King to make him send a boat to collect your friends!

You know that part in Harry Potter where Ron and Harry miss the train and decide the only logical course of action is to steal a flying car rather than, I don't know, wait for a responsible adult? I have a feeling this show is going to do the same type of thing with the whole Serpent's Pass. And I have to say, it's a brilliantly accurate way to do a plot that involves pre-teens, because they will often reach for the most out-there, illogical course of action no matter their intelligence. Curse those still-developing neural pathways. It also makes perfect sense in a kids' show, where the audience mostly wouldn't be caught dead turning down an adventure in favour of asking a responsible party (or a bureaucracy) for help.

"It is your pleasure" Get wrecked bitch!

I love seeing Toph weaponise that which previously kept her caged. I love to see Toph winning at life. Actually, I love to see Toph.

Get yourself some friends who'll commit to the bit no questions asked like these guys.

Get yourself a man who says your name the way Sokka says SUKI!!!:D Get yourself a girl who's so into you, she'll flirt with you in front of your entire found family.

Momo knows what's up. He's a good judge of character.

It's rare for me to advocate for criminal behaviour on this show, but after that bureaucracy lady denied them any sort of solution for the refugees who got their tickets stolen, I was kind of hoping that Katara would just say 'fuck it' and steal one of those ferries. Or even smuggle people on to them. They've got two waterbenders; they could make ice boats to take them out to the ferry, or even across the whole lake presumably. Plot dictates they go face this serpent thing, because this appears to be a monster of the week episode, but boy did that ferry lady need smacking.

Sokka's acting funky.

Is corniness one of the side effects of pregnancy?

No one in their right minds thinks that a pass called "the SERPENT'S Pass" in a universe like this one is named for its aesthetic qualities. Nice try at misdirection, but there will be a Sneky Boy in that water.

Aang's kind of right about the whole 'hope is a distraction' thing. Hope can too easily go from fuel to crutch.

It didn't occur to anyone to hide from the Fire Nation ship until it passed?

Toph's just saving everyone's bacon today huh?

Am I sensing some post-Yue trauma?

I would love to know the context behind Zuko knowing this very niche skill.

Jet has this fascinating ability to do objectively good deeds in such a sleezy way that you end up siding with the greedy oppressors. Weird.

This makes so much sense. Aang zipped into the Avatar State so hard and fast in the desert that he probably scared himself, so now he's keeping a lid on things so hard that he's scaring everyone else with his newfound apathy. He's 12, and this episode he feels 12. This is probably the first time he's met emotions this big; of course he doesn't quite know what to do with them.

You know, Katara doesn't get paid enough to put up with this.

Suki. Honey. I'm pretty sure there's a girl code about not flirting with a guy in front of his ex.

Has Suki been filled in on the whole moon thing? Or is she just really confused right now?

You know, Smellerbee is just as unusual a name for a girl.

Jet talks the talk, but I don't believe he'll be able to walk the walk, despite second chances being one of the big themes of this show. Something about him still feels off.

Hope you guys can swim!

Katara to the rescue again. I'm liking this new level-headed action-oriented Katara that appeared in The Desert, and I'm glad she wasn't just a one-episode character.

Momo here fulfilling one of my childhood dreams. There was an aquarium room at my local zoo that had a tunnel you could walk through. Seven year old me would have sold my soul to be able to glorp through the glass and swim with the fishes like this.

Once again, Toph saves the day. She's doing a lot of heavy lifting this episode.

Big Sneky Boy has the colour palette of an exercise video from the 80s aerobics phase. Kind of detracts from the terror when he's wearing a leotard.

Number one sign of irresponsible pet ownership: sacrificing your lemur to Cthulhu.

Aang just bitchslapped Big Sneky Boy.

Why didn't they go with a big ice bridge in the first place?

Yeah that's a problem. Could she make rock skate blades and attach them to her feet maybe? Would that help her see?

Guys. Just. Send someone out there for her. The ice doesn't have handrails. Come on.

Suki can swim in like half a tonne of armour. I bet they have swimming with armour on drills on Kyoshi Island.

"You can go ahead and let me drown now." That is EXACTLY my sense of humour.

Unlike goldfish, Big Sneky Boys can be flushed down the toilet.

"Now it's nothing but smooth sailing to Ba Sing Se." *Something immediately goes wrong* Has Sokka thought about harnessing his ability to speak things into existence?

Tragically, it makes perfect sense that Katara knows exactly how to deliver real human things.

"You know, as soon as I saw your scar I knew exactly who you were." Jet's little speech here got the biggest laugh out of me yet. I had to pause so I wouldn't miss dialogue. He's so deliciously wrong.

This episode's Beat Up Sokka quota is fulfilled by a baby that has yet to be born.

"I want our daughter's name to be unique" TAKE COVER FOLKS! UNNECESSARY VOWELS INCOMING!

Didn't you guys just nearly get killled by a pass that told you to abandon Hope? Are you sure about that name?

Ok it isn't pregnancy that makes you corny. It's being a character in this episode. While I'm glad to see the back of Stoic Aang, this is getting to be a bit on the cheesy side.

Hell yeah Katara deserves that cry. And that hug.

I'm watching this at my mom's house and I need to report that when Sokka said "You came along, to protect me?" my mom audibly went "awww!"

On a more serious note, this is exactly what Sokka needs after the Yue situation. A badass girlfriend who not only can and does take care of herself, but who also can and does take care of Sokka. Boy needs some pampering.

That is one hell of a wall.

That is one hell of a Big Sneky Boy.

"Appa's gonna have to wait" hit like a tonne of bricks. Another step in the journey to turn Aang from carefree monk to repsonsible Avatar. Appa having to wait is a genius story beat, but I want Appa NOW.

Final Thoughts

I had to check out my window for flying pigs before I started typing this section, because Zuko was consistently the most reasonable character in the B plot, perhaps in the whole episode. Apparently the 'make Zuko decent' project is finally seeing results. Have we turned over a new leaf? Dare I hope? It helps that he was juxtaposed with one of the single most batshit crazy characters from season one, but still.

I also need to issue a formal apology to Suki and all of her fans. I didn't like her in The Warriors of Kyoshi, and while I'm still not overly fond of that episode, I love what they've done with her character here. A good standalone character with her own strengths, goals, and responsibilities, and a good match for Sokka. I'd go so far as to say she's a better match for Sokka than Yue was, for all that both ladies have a startling amount in common: a position of responsibility, devotion to those who regard them as a leader, good taste in water tribe ass, etc.

I'm also going to hypothesise that Sokka is, in universe, the hottest member of the Gang. He's now had four girls expressing their interest: Suki, then Yue, then Azula's pokey pink friend whose name currently escapes me, and now Toph too! And she can't even see him, so his hotness is more than skin deep.

This episode was another stealth character episode in the style of The Blue Spirit. You think it's an action episode but it's actually character work with some fights for spice. It's got: -payoff for Katara's new-found levelheadedness -the other side of the coin on Aang's desert freakout -Toph doing just ALL the heavy lifting in the absence of Appa (seriously, teach her to fly and you won't need Appa as anything but a friendly couch) -Toph also getting an incredibly logical weakness that she learns she can rely on her friends to surmount -Sokka getting some Yue resolution from a frankly ironic source -Zuko getting what I'm sure is going to turn into a dark mirror

Speaking of fuckboy, there was nothing in this episode that hinted that Jet's turn to good was anything but genuine, but something about him still really makes my teeth itch. So I'm calling it now: based not on any evidence, but entirely on my own feelings, Jet's turn to good isn't going to stick.

There was some corny stuff in this episode, but it's a kids' show. It gets way more allowance for corny than an adult show does. I'll let it slide, so long as it doesn't become a habit.

This was part one of a two part episode, but it certainly didn't feel that way. There was the Big Metal Sneky Boy plot hook at the very end, but other than that it was a self-contained story.

I had predicted last episode that the rest of season two would be spent getting to Ba Sing Se, and they did it in one episode. So I'd like to announce my retirement from predicting the future because I am not good at it. I have no idea where we're going beyond next episode. I guess I'll have fun finding out!

[graceofgondor]

hello!! first off, i love ya. ur mindddd!!! as a member of charginny nation, i thought it only fitting to go to the president of charginny with my query. i was thinking, as one does, when an idea hit me, so i was naturally curious about your opinion; how does charlie/ginny compare to ferris/sloane (ferris bueller's day off)? of course, i love them both soososo much, but i couldn't ignore the similarities between them (slightly tryhard extroverted boy who pulls big stunts x endlessly cool girl of few words). thoughts? xx

hii!! i love you too <33 thank you for the ask i immediately was so intrigued, this is such a good question!!

so to put it simply, i do think you have a point! on the surface, the dynamic is really similar, but i definitely want to talk about it in more detail because i do have my thoughts.

to start off with my main point, as i'm sure you have as well, i've seen quite a few people compare charlie and ferris in the past. which, again, is a valid point, they do have a lot of similar tendencies and hell, they even kind of talk the same. but i still have a bone to pick with it when it comes to the deeper levels and i'll tell you why.

there's something i've learned about ferris over the years in consuming the movie periodically (and also having the infamous revelation that i relate to cameron more than anyone else, which i feel many of us agree upon) but that realization is that despite his charm, he is inherently selfish and a bit ignorant to what's going on with others, specifically in the moment. now, obviously he cares for cameron and sloane, and i think he has some kind of slight arc by the end, because yes, he gains perspective and has the whole college and future reflection. but when it comes to his actions, he tends to assume there won't be consequences, or that he'll simply skate by them. to where, i feel like charlie contrasts here.

if you watch charlie throughout dps, it becomes apparent that despite his external charisma coupled with undying wit and confidence, its actually all a front. and i've obviously discussed this multiple times on this blog, it's like beating a dead horse at this point. but my point here is that charlie does at least 85% of what he does with his friends in mind, with others in mind. he definitely can be careless, hence with the annual incident, but even then he was more than willing to take the fall for everyone else, no matter the cost. and because of mr. keating, because of neil, perhaps even because of ginny herself, charlie quickly comes to learn that carelessness won't get him far, and that boldness and action need to have a purpose in their intent. ergo—to not choke on the bone.

i don't think ferris is aware of this. by the end of the film, its likely he'll still skip class, slack off, he'll still have the confidence that his stunts will work regardless of the effect (not that that's bad, evidently the point of the film is quite opposite of dps at times). so oddly enough, i find that charlie has much more maturity than ferris, not to say that he won't have his moments over time, but i think something about his role as the protector/hero, especially after neil's sudden passing, puts him at a higher level of complexity as a character, and as i said a higher level of maturity as well. i think especially when it comes to things like ginny, charlie ends up having much more of a purpose with what he's doing towards the end/post narrative.

now, to discuss ginny and sloane. these differences are evidently more slight, and obviously a lot is left up to interpretation, given the lack of true narrative for both of them. from what i gather, neither of them have much time for the superficial, they want something real, with substance, from the get go that's obvious either way. and i think that's a small part of why charlie and ferris do it for them, like man, this guy knows how to live. and it seems for the both of them, life was kind of boring before then to begin with, so that person helped them to develop and grow and vice versa.

but it's the same thing where, i don't really think reality has hit sloane yet, at least not as hard as it theoretically did for ginny. while she is committed, i think sloane worries more about the fleeting and fun side of things, i mean, its pretty much all her and ferris seem to do—have fun. she initially scoffs at the idea of marriage, like it's something she can't even think about yet. to where ginny seems more concerned to slow down, to appreciate the mundane, while still obviously relishing in charlie's endeavors. i think she's more practical, she doesn't love charlie because he's amusing, because that would make her like anyone else if that was all she cared for.

to put it simply, sloane is more inclined to join ferris in the rush, while ginny reminds charlie that life doesn't always have to leave him reeling. now, sloane definitely offers ferris perspective, and that's something worth mentioning, but i just think the dynamic is slightly different there. maybe just deeper on one end.

ultimately i think it's what they've been through. aside from preparing for college and watching cameron's situation from the outside, sloane and ferris haven't experienced much hardship yet, things have been fairly smooth sailing for them, despite close calls. all charlie and ginny have known is independence, expectation, and plain suffering. between the rigidness of their respective schools, their parents, pressure, and neil's passing (along with everything attached), they've had to sustain a lot more. and they both relate to each other there. with the two of them meeting so near such a life-altering event, i think that immediately set the scene for them to develop and be so vulnerable a lot quicker, while i honestly think ferris and sloane still have time left for that.

[nezuscribe]

I'm gushing at the new syltherin!gojo post. He's such a love sick puppy. Satoru has the love flu, and it definitely shows.

I'm wondering if he'll be more interested in muggle stuff due to Y/N being a muggle herself. Because as much as the wizarding world is cool, don't underestimate the muggle world, we got some cool things as well. UwU

*Gasp!* OMG! What about a carnival date in the muggle world? I imagine that Satoru wouldn't exactly be impressed by a Ferris Wheel, but I think the guy will enjoy Y/N resting against his shoulder when the day ends.

He'll win all of her favorite prizes because he'll get to see Y/N's smile that he finds so cute. He'll say that the muggle entertainment activities aren't impressive but deep down he enjoys them because he's with the love of his life.

I also feel like it would be a good opportunity for Y/N to show her Slytherin traits too. Maybe like a couple of bullies looking for trouble and she kicks their butt without using magic, but instead uses insults and sly backhanded comments. I know that Satoru will definitely be shocked. ☺

hehe yeah it’s like seven years of just brooding and anticipation and he doesn’t know how to handle it !!

with gojo and the muggle world stuff i would imagine he’d be a little more reluctant tho with it just bc of how he was brought up and how he’d technically been raised to think that the muggle world is scary so like

maybe not a carnival date buuuuuut I could defiently see him somehow running into her during the summer when he parents have something pressing to do in the muggle world ?? he’ll prbly see her working or smth and would veer off from his parents to watch her in her element

[hum4n01df00]

Here is my list of characters that are most definitely Weezer fans

*note this is very opinionated, so if you disagree, make ur own damn list!* But do share some important info that applies to this category or share some other characters you think could fit in this list!

ps- this isn't very detailed because i can't be bothered lol.

Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds)- I have seen Criminal Minds fans say that he'd be a swiftie or whatever. NO! he'd like Weezer and the Pixies. He yearns like that bro. Even though Mgg is a hottie, Reid would just be that down bad!

Malcolm Wilkerson(Malcolm in the middle)- he is the teenage boyloser (even though he is a genius). His poor social skills just contribute to this idea. ESPECIALLY in the later seasons.

Luke Skywalker(Star Wars)- A farm boy with dreams? he reminds me of every single Virgincore music fan on TikTok. if they existed in the star wars universe, he would definitely be bumping that shit.

Brain Johnson- This is the brain from the breakfast club. He is a sensitive people pleaser with immense issues. I think this applies to the Weezer fan base. Again, if they existed in that time period he would definitely listen to that, but I also have strong Smiths vibes from him.

Louis Tully (ghostbusters)- this man is a man of persuasion. In the first movie, he was a mega simp (by this I mean that he literally almost died trying to turn Dana's TV off) and then I the second movie he was submissive towards Janine. This applies to the Weezer list and the characteristics of a Weezer fan.

Cameron Frye (Ferris Bueller)- "he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she is gonna treat him like shit". Sounds like something Rivers Cuomo would write about in the 90s.

Tina Belcher (Bob's Burgers)- A hopeless romantic, who fantasizes about boys, horses, and many things. she is literally the female equivalent of Rivers Cuomo in a sick way(minus the horses by the way).

Fogel or McLovin (Superbad)- He reminds me of every single nerdy kid who discovers cool music like Alex G or something like that. He is every TikTok goth's wet dream- and something about that gives him that Weezer essence.

EVERY. SINGLE. MICHAEL. CERA. CHARACTER. EVER- let's face it, even in real life he claims to be a Weezer fan. He is often portrayed to be awkward and introverted with an often very sweet personality. He is the product of Weezer.

Mordecai (regular show)- Mordecai has a very nerdy kind of feel, he works at a park and if he were a human, he'd be the blueprint of male manipulators. So, definitely a Weezer fan.

Paul Tannek (loser)- This guy owns one of those hats, he falls in love with an alternative girl and he just is one, ok? It just makes sense.

Daria Morgendorffer (Daria)- She seems like a Sonic Youth fan because their music is dry and monotone, she probably likes cake as well and idk she seems like a riot grrrl. But I can definitely see Weezer being one of the bands she probably enjoys but I don't know. She'd also enjoy matt's band the rentals.

Hiccup (httyd)- He likes Weezer because he is an outsider from the rest of the dragon trainers and I feel like he'd relate to like 'the good life' because he doesn't have a leg no more. he'd just relate to River's Harvard experience.

Neil Lewis (Watching The Detectives)- He is a film bro, he falls in love with a manic pixie dream girl PLUS he is like the punching bag within his circle. If he likes EODM then he probably likes Weezer.

Eric Foreman (that 70s show)- He seems to be that shy kid that every friendship group has, he acts freaky with Donna so why not put him in this category. He is so virgincore (without being a virgin ofc).

Simon Seville (Alvin and the Chipmunks)- His signature color is blue- idk what else you'd expect (he is chipmunk Reid)

[jetwhenitsmidnight]

Private Rites by Julia Armfield

Release date: 3 December 2024

Genre: adult literary/speculative/horror fiction

From the award-winning author of Our Wives Under the Sea, a speculative reimagining of King Lear, centering three sisters navigating queer love and loss in a drowning world

It’s been raining for a long time now, so long that the land has reshaped itself and arcane rituals and religions are creeping back into practice. Sisters Isla, Irene, and Agnes have not spoken in some time when their father dies. An architect as cruel as he was revered, his death offers an opportunity for the sisters to come together in a new way. In the grand glass house they grew up in, their father’s most famous creation, the sisters sort through the secrets and memories he left behind, until their fragile bond is shattered by a revelation in his will.

More estranged than ever, the sisters’ lives spin out of control: Irene’s relationship is straining at the seams; Isla’s ex-wife keeps calling; and cynical Agnes is falling in love for the first time. But something even more sinister might be unfolding, something related to their mother’s long-ago disappearance and the strangers who have always seemed unusually interested in the sisters’ lives. Soon, it becomes clear that the sisters have been chosen for a very particular purpose, one with shattering implications for their family and their imperiled world.

Content warnings: death, parental death, grief, child abuse, emotional/verbal, abandonment, violence, blood, suicide, lesbophobia, divorce, alcoholism, eating disorder, vomit, self harm, stalking, gaslighting

Disclaimer: I know nothing about King Lear, other than the fact that the guy has three daughters, so my review will be written without taking into consideration the source material.

Thank you to NetGalley for an ARC!

Not gonna lie, I sort of struggled with this one. This is a relatively short read, a little under 300 pages, but it took me nearly a week to complete this book. ( I typically finish 300 pages in 2 or 3 days.) I think the main reason for this is that the pacing is slow. Like, really slow. There's not a lot of plot going on, and for the most part, we follow our three main characters going about their day to day lives.

A large focus is on the relationship between the sisters and their parents (or lack thereof). I really resonated with the portrayal of their sibling relationship; there were moments that felt like the author had written down the exact thoughts and feelings I've had about my own siblings. (Although me and my siblings definitely get along better.) The trio's relationship with their parents is less focused upon, but impossible to ignore, especially with the tension caused by their father's death.

The speculative setting feels ever more timely; the city they live in is being gradually submerged by rising waters, which has become so normal that the constant rain and ferry rides is just another aspect of their lives. I loved the sections in between the main story entitled The City; it shows what is going on outside of the main characters and gives the story a different perspective.

This book really captures how boring it is living through the end times. (I hate that this is relatable.) There is a underlying tension caused by the ever-present rain and gradually increasing flooding, but the characters still have to go to work and do chores.

The story isn't entirely miserable; Agnes finds love amidst all the mundanity, and it is ordinary and extraordinary at the same time. In Everything Everywhere All At Once, Ke Huy Quan's character says "In another life, I would have loved doing laundry and taxes with you." I think this sentiment captures Agnes's relationship with Stephanie completely.

I sort of forgot that this is supposed to be a horror novel; aside from a few weird moments plus the overall creepy vibe, this book read more as lit fic than horror. Towards the end, however, the horror elements kick into full gear. There is a huge tonal shift that I am not sure I like? It felt out of place with the rest of the narrative. Maybe I am missing something, but I don't see how the ending fits in with the overall/rest of the book.

Other than the ending, this book as a whole is gorgeous and lyrical and relatable, and will definitely be staying with me for some time.

[claitea]

AURHHGGGGGHH yeah. yeah…… i mean like it is basically canon that they don’t leave immediately right? bc there is a postgame quest. you chase down all the sages and they talk to you about n and team plasma. and then looker mentions that someone who looks like n has been sighted in a faraway land with his dragon. i would assume that in canon it’s after this point that the protag makes the firm decision to leave home and chase him down… but like they probably did stuff in the meantime…. no bc the idea of them waiting at the ferris wheel AauuRuuuuAAGHGHGGGGG. no the tragic poetry of n and the player definitely just missing each other is perfect. like he left to go find himself, they left to go find him, he returned but they’re still gone, and now he’s saying he wants to go find them… guys… just sit still and wait for each other….. you know where home is….

ITS SO AWFULLLL aaughhhh both of them considering each other to be a good enough friend that they are going to spend Two Years waiting and looking for the other always gets me. thinking that they were So Close but Not Quite gets me even more

also like, hilda/hilbert seeming to be so desperate they're not even gonna wait for better leads they just hear a vague "oh some dude and a dragon was in i think kanto maybe idk" and then they ghost everyone for ages. just throwing all regard out the window for themself and their existing loved ones. protag and n didnt get a chance to act friendly towards each other until literally n's goodbye speech but thats the lengths they'll go to. insane

it just Gets me that no one knows where the first protag went. they have an xtransciever, they can absolutely contact people while they're away, so why haven't they? i can understand them not Initially telling people where they went, their friends and family might stop them bc touring The Entire World for one person is an impossible task, but not keeping contact afterward is such a strange choice to me

does n know the first protag is out looking for him like that. he probably doesn't if he keeps waiting at that ferris wheel but do you think he'd feel guilty if he knew

[chishiyae]

— OUT WITH A BANG ! [𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜] e42! miles morales, e1610!miles morales, spider noir, and hobie brown

𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬 ┊ summer is coming to an end, which means carnivals are making their final rounds before closing for good. so, what better way to round off the summer than to take your lover to one?

a/n. — this is literally just me coping with the fact summer is ending (+ i ran out of motivation for hobie guys i’m so sorry)

E42!MILES, will never be that boyfriend who spends a lot of money (whether he has it or not) on carnival games. let alone spend an hour trying to win you a stuffed animal. if he doesn't win whatever you want in the first two tries, he'll just ask the stand worker if he can buy it from them. now, as ridiculous as it may sound, given the amount of money he offers on the spot, the workers sometimes just give in. rather having free money than a stuffed animal. you hate the fact that he bribes his way of getting it. you could’ve gone to build a bear if you wanted him to buy you a stuffed animal. but you didn't want that; you brought him to the carnival for a reason. for bonding time. and playing games together was apart of that. but did you intend to tell him? no. because it’d look like you’re forcing it, so you stated that bribery wouldn’t work (until it did). and if that were to happen, because miles can't let things go, a conversation can go something like this:

“told you i’d get it, princesa,” miles brags. he’s walking alongside you, a smirk on his face as he watches you holding your stuffed bear.

you just shake your head, choosing not to say anything to him. that way, you avoid giving him any form of satisfaction. the satisfaction of anything. even kissing if it came down to it.

he nudges your arm, and you just glare at him. he put up his hands in defense, saying, "my bad.”

you sigh, “c’mon, we need to go to the ticket booth.”

miles just snorts, resting a hand on your shoulder.

other than that, he really only comes for the food. he loves funnel cakes, and he'd carry your stuff while you went from ride to ride or game to game while he ate and watched.

not that he doesn't go on rides; it just depends on how he feels. he has unhealthy urges to feel the drop of his stomach on some days, but not on others. if you ask him enough times on a day when he doesn't want to go, he'll give in, but will give you the option of him going on that or the ferris wheel. he's not doing both.

E1610!MILES, spends half of his time at the carnival focused on the goldfish you won. making sure that it’s not knocked over or pushed around too much. it's better to go home at that point. because the longer you stay, he'll just rant about the fish needing a tank and wanting to get it out of the bag.

prior to the fish, he'd been really excited to go with you to the carnival. you two definitely planned this a week in advance so that he could make sure that his time was free, so he's been thinking about it nonstop for the past week.

after he waves goodbye to his parents, your hand is instantly grabbed and you two run to the rides together (him dragging you), and the rest is history.

i say that because the next hour ends in throw up. miles goes on every ride possible, so it's not just a small amount of vomit in his throat that he can swallow. it's a lot more than that. not exactly a pleasant memory, especially given the stares he received when he had his head hanging over a trash can. but it's all good, at least you two got to relax for a minute before getting up to play carnival games. a break is always helpful.

or maybe you should’ve stayed put and relaxed a little longer. maybe you wouldn't have ended up at the fish prize game that way. miles seemed to be more interested with the fish than with you…

SPIDERNOIR, is confused — but acts collected. the. entire. time. he might not show it, but he’s confused.

for starters, this would be the first time he'd ever been to a carnival that wasn't all live music and exotic animals; after all, it isn't the 1930s. he'd be sent to modern times (your dimension), where most games are rigged and rides need a little more attention and caution than is given.

he was wary of the rides once you explained how they operated. not only because of how they looked, but also because of a few incidences you told him about (you really should've left that part out). so he tried everything to keep you from getting on one. when you walked? he'd put his hand around your shoulder so that whenever he spotted a ride, he could walk the other way, dragging you along with him. he’s just trying to keep you safe. if you love carnival rides, you'd notice his actions and end up going on a ride against his will. after all, you didn't buy those tickets for nothing. he'd hold your stuff and wait for you just by the iron bars, eyes tracking your every move. when you get off, his hand is back over your shoulder, and he decides that under any circumstances, he isn't letting go.

instead, you'd spend the rest of your time at carnival games. somewhere that peter feels he can protect you. but you don't mind, not with him playing darts against you. he'd let you win only to watch you smile and brag about it, because if he didn't, he'd win, and that's not much of a prize, now is it?

gift giving is one of his love languages, and you can guarantee he’ll get you one here. he tries to win everything you want, and even after he's won you a couple of bears, he brings you flowers from the ground as something extra to give you. yeah. i’d call it a romantic act. it's like something out of a movie.

HOBIE, is in love with the rush of riding rollercoasters. that being said, he drags you on all the rides, and it's best not to ask questions because he'll just say, "the rides ain’t even scary, they ain’t got scary ones here." or “i’ll be righ’ by ya side, love.” when it comes down to it, if you really don't want to go on one, he won't make you. however, he will go on them by himself while you watch. then, when he gets off, he'll tell you all about his thoughts and feelings during the ride. you merely roll your eyes when he suggest you should've gone.

because it's packed, a hand is on your waist the entire time you two are walking, and he’s positioned behind you. if he thinks you're walking too fast, he'll pull your belt loops to get you closer. he's does it to keep you from being lost in the crowd, but he can't stop himself from lingering his fingers over the waistband of your jeans.

© 2023, CHISHIYAE

[gretchensinister]

So here’s a movie that doesn’t exist, though in a dream I had I was really, really, trying to figure out what it was called and where to find it again.

This is what I remember from my dream:

It was an early 2000s comedy, like from the era of Zoolander and Dodgeball.

The main character was this not-put-together, kind of bumbling, dumb, loser-y guy who worked at this big amusement park doing like, the shit jobs no one else wanted. He also lived in/near the park. He messed up stuff a lot and was always getting into weird situations. He was generally rejected by women, and because of his job didn’t have a lot of money and this was a problem. Definitely had a mullet and a mustache.

So like, some random humiliating thing happens at his job that leaves him dyed completely blue, and he goes back home (trailer? Small permanent house?) bummed out to try to clean up, but as he’s about to do that this hot alien lady appears there (she’s blue, and has some pretty good facial prosthetics, more than just a little forehead decoration, but still she’s very much 2000s Style Hot Alien Lady). And she’s like “we’ve been observing you and I have appeared because now you are sufficiently irresistible and now I must fuck you and then I will tell you about the important mission my people have for you. You will be given funds to do the mission and be paid for helping us.” And she gives him a bag of diamonds, like, the size of a 1lb bag of rice you can buy at the store. But he’s way more interested in sex with Hot Alien Lady at the moment, but before anything can happen something interrupts them and she disappears.

Main Character is like, ???/did that really just happen? No sex, no alien mission, and he thinks, no proof. (This wasn’t in my dream but I can easily imagine him dropping the bag of diamonds because of the prospect of Alien Sex and kicking it under his shitty plaid couch.)

Anyway, later in the movie, I guess the aliens had kept trying to contact Main Character but he was having problems figuring out what they wanted him to do because a) he’s dumb b) the aliens are communicating in really inconvenient ways c) stupid comedy situations keep happening. But he found the bag of diamonds and he’s a good-hearted enough guy to not try to sell them and solve his money problems until he completes the alien mission (also Hot Alien Lady would probably not want to fuck him if he did that). And by this point in the movie he’s convinced this other women to help him—maybe another employee but with a better job there? She’s blond, much more put together, smart, kind, hot, inexplicably seems to feel sorry for/kind of like Main Character. She’s obviously supposed to be the viable human love interest. You can picture her just as easily as you can picture him. I know you can. So they go to dinner to try to figure out what to do with the alien clues they have, and for some reason Main Character brought the bag of diamonds with him and at one point in the scene he’s gesturing with it while talking about how he needs to help the aliens, and you know it’s going to get lost/become a shenanigans football in some later scene. But all Main Character and Nice Lady can come up with is that they need A Hacker based on some clue but otherwise they really don’t know what the aliens want.

And then the scene zooms out to reveal that the restaurant they’re having dinner at (it’s outside) is directly next to this MASSIVE roller coaster, which starts off looking like some kind of ferris wheel but with arms in all directions like a sea urchin, and then all those arms move into rows that launch the people super fast on this SUPER tall track, like the style of the Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point but more massive and more elaborate.

(As I’m “remembering” this movie in my dream I remember being VERY impressed by the special effects of the roller coaster, and also finding it sexy in a weird way.)

Anyway Main Character and Nice Lady go to find A Hacker (Nice Lady knows where park security is holding A Hacker they arrested earlier that day??? That the park has had trouble with in the past???). Somehow a live lion is involved in this part but I don’t remember how.

However, what I do remember is that the Hacker turns out to be this very tall, ambiguously gendered East Asian person. Now, in my dream I thought, “Oh, yeah, this character would NOT have aged well” and I “remembered” that there were many things about this character from the early 2000s that would read as incredibly offensive today, and were probably offensive when the character was written, TBH. But I also “remembered” that the Hacker was cool and competent and also to the young teen version of me that “watched” the movie, the absolute hottest character in the movie. (As a young teen I apparently had my mind blown by the gender ambiguity and was an odd enough person to just kind of miss/disagree with anything in the movie that made the gender ambiguity or the Asian-ness or the computer geekiness a source for jokes/bad/unsexy.) The Hacker had a really great entrance and incredible elaborate outfit BTW.

And that was all I “remembered” about the movie. “Oh it had a really problematic character. Who knows what happened with the plot though.”

But then in the dream I was also talking to some friends about trying to remember it and ranting like, “But where did we see it? We couldn’t have seen it in the theaters because it was rated R and our parents wouldn’t have taken us to see something like that! So we must have rented it and watched it at a sleepover one time. Because even though we were only thirteen, at the video store they assume your parents are going to be there when you watch it, because of course they would be. But that’s corporate and it’s not the reason why we could rent it! Because the person working at the video store only seemed like an adult because we were thirteen! They were probably only like 17! They didn’t care if we rented an R-rated movie and watched it by ourselves! They didn’t care if we went back home and SMOKED CRACK!”

(This wasn’t in my dream but thinking about all the elements that were there, I think a) the aliens needed the big roller coaster to launch their ship back into space b) Hot Alien Lady still offers to fuck Main Character for helping the aliens even when he’s not blue anymore (but she doesn’t think he’s hot when he’s not blue) but when she takes off her clothes she’s MUCH MORE alien than Main Character expected and it’s goofy and awkward with them both being relieved to call it off c) obviously Main Character and Nice Lady get together d) Main Character actually gets to spend the diamonds and solve his money problems.)

(Hell. I’ll ship Hot Alien Lady and Hacker, who only becomes interested when Main Character vaguely explains why he and Hot Alien Lady didn’t fuck. The look of interest was a joke in the movie but not to meeee.)

Anyway I hope this shows up on Poob soon, I’d like to revisit it despite all the questionable early 2000s comedy elements of it all.

[kennedyslvr]

TENNESSEE WHISKEY, STRAWBERRY WINE — CHAPTER 18 (AO3)

happy friday everyone! hope you guys had a good week and are pumped for the weekend! got a VERY DRAMA FILLED UPDATE here (i want chris as a gym buddy tbh.) hope you enjoy it!

full chapter here!

I haven’t spoken to Leon in two months.

I refuse to even acknowledge his presence unless absolutely necessary—which is pretty fucking often, given the fact he’s at every single family dinner, always sitting right in front of me and looking like someone had stolen the last of the chocolate bars he really wanted.

I have nothing to say to him, and yet, I have everything to say to him.

I want to scream at him, to ask him how the fuck he could just do that—build me up so fucking high, and then tear me down with little to no remorse.

I want to hit him, to beat him bloody until my knuckles bleed and that pretty fucking face of his is smashed to bits and is unrecognisable.

I want to hate him. And yet, I can’t.

And I want to hate her too. I kept seeing her again, both in my mind and in real life. Most nights of the week since that day, I’ve either seen Ada leave the ranch at the crack of dawn, sneaking to her car whilst Leon watches on from his balcony, or I would hear Leon’s truck rumble away in the dead of night, off to see her.

God. I’m a fucking idiot. I’ve played the part of the perfect fucking fool.

I’ve fallen for a married man. Well fucking done, Dee. Seriously, you’ve really outdone yourself.

That anger pours through me again as I desperately tug the handlebar of the diverging seated row machine towards me, gritting my teeth against the sixty-pound weight as the loud discordant electric guitar and raspy scream of Chester Bennington floods my ears thanks to my screamo playlist.

I had gotten antsy back at the ranch, constantly on the lookout for Leon so that I could avoid him, constantly avoiding my family so that I could stop being so fucking jumpy.

So, after nearly all this time hiding myself away from the world, I got into some workout gear and jumped into my car to hit the gym, since getting a good sweat on will clear my head better than any-fucking-thing else right now.

That was another new change in my life too—getting a car. I definitely needed one, since I don't want to be stuck relying on someone else—Leon—to ferry me around town.

My red vintage Rover 216 Cabriolet is currently soaking up the late November sunshine whilst I soak up nothing but sweat and adrenaline as I switch arms to finish out my set. I’ve been working out for the past fifteen minutes, working on the upper body day of my split.

I feel pretty fucking good. I’m out of breath, yeah, and I’m probably about to burst a blood vessel from how hard I’m gritting my teeth, but I feel really good. I definitely needed this. This is a better distraction than anything else lately.

“Okay.” I breathe, dropping the handle back into place as my arms buzz with energy. I lean forward, ducking down to take the pin and drop it down to a weight heavier than what I had just done. “Warm up over. Time to get into it for real.”

Under the bright gym lights, a shadow is cast onto my machine as I see someone lingering in my periphery. I glimpse up at sweat and bulging muscles as I lift one headphone off of my ear to speak to the waiting gym bro. “Hey,” I shout over my music. “I just—”

“I thought that was you.”

Chris beams back at me. His blue eyes glimmer beneath the bright fluorescent lights, his own over-ear headphones around his neck as his duffel bag is slung over one shoulder. He has on a tight compression shirt that highlights taut abs and firm biceps, and gray sweatpants that hang low on his stocky hips.

Goddamn. I swallow thickly, tearing my eyes away from admiring him—do men not know how dangerous gray sweatpants are—before returning his smile with one of my own that doesn't quite reach my eyes like his does.

I remove my headphones, the sounds of machines clanging and gym bros grunting loudly filling my ears. “Chris, hey.” There’s a hint of surprise in my tone, and disbelief that he’s actually here. “I—I would have thought that you’d be out of state right now. Aren’t you and Claire on the same kind of rodeo schedule or something?”

“Something like that.” Chris shrugs loosely, leaning his elbows against my machine. My eyes glimpse at thick veins running across his forearms, little tufts of hair sprouting across his suntanned skin. “Claire’s up in Arizona right now, but she’ll be driving back here in a few days since the rodeo here is coming up and we’re entered into it. I just wanted to check in early, catch up with a few friends. I had a couple of days off and thought, why not come home?”

“I see.” I shrug alongside him. “Well, it’s good to see you.”

“You too.” Chris nods with a tight-lipped smile. His eyes skim over me, and I feel warmth wash over me and butterflies flutter in my stomach from that gaze, always so friendly and welcoming. Disarming.

A friendly face amongst all of this heartache.

“Though, do you mind if I give you a pointer?”

“A pointer?”

Chris chuckles softly, brushing a hand against his cropped brown hair. “Your form. It’s like you’re trying to rip your damn arm from the socket. How much are you lifting?”

“Oh.”

Most people in this gym keep to themselves and hardly speak to me, let alone correct my form. I feel a twinge of embarrassment, chewing softly on my bottom lip as I glance away from him briefly, looking at my hands which rest against my black leggings.

“Uh—seventy pounds,” I admit bashfully, giving Chris a cautious glance. His muscles are so much more defined and bigger than my own, and I get the odd sensation that I’m about to be mocked for it.

But Chris just nods casually, that smile of his still there. “That’s fine. So, about your form, let me just..” His hand comes up, then he hesitates. He glances at me warily, his hand hanging in the air like it was frozen in time. “You don’t mind if I, uh..”

My brain catches up quickly to what he’s asking, and I shake my head. “Oh, no. Go on ahead.”

“Right.”

I soon feel the warmth of his hand splayed against my lower back, and I shiver at the contact. The butterflies in my stomach continue to flutter as if a much younger version of me is looking down at this interaction with joy and elation after waiting to be noticed for so many years.

The clatter of weights nearby diverts my attention to the corner of the room, my eyes flitting towards the source of the sound with a slight eyebrow furrow of confusion and frustration—can’t people just set their weights down carefully?

And then I see him.

Wearing a black muscle tee that is soaked in sweat, and a pair of gray sweatpants—they should be made illegal on men—is Leon, placing down a pair of forty-five-pound dumbbells back into their slot on the rack.

His eyes are on mine, a fierce blue that bounces off of the mirror and hits me straight in the chest as he takes a single step sideways, grabs the next heaviest weight and hefts them up. My eyes quickly drop to those muscles bulging from his arms, triceps and biceps and every-ceps flexing in the kind of display that has me internally whimpering.

This man is fucking married.

“...If you lean too far back, you’ll fuck up your back,” Chris explains, and my focus snaps away from Leon and back to the man giving me tips on my form—the man whose hand is currently on my lower back and pushing my chest up against the plush pad. “So keep your chest right up against the pad. Lean back a bit, but not too far.”

“Mhm.” I nod, my voice cracking slightly as I force myself to lock into the warmth and familiarity of Chris, not the confusion and angst of Leon. “Got it. I usually tend to grab onto this thing to keep me secure.”

I grab the pad-adjuster-pin-thingy with my right hand. Chris nods with a hum. “Yeah, that's fine. And I’m guessing you operate one arm at a time, yeah?”

“Yep.” I say, popping the ‘p’ sound. In my peripheral vision I can see Leon doing shoulder presses. I swallow thickly, watching as those tight fists go up and he grunts, then lowers with his hiss.

Up with a grunt, down with a hiss.

“That’s fine.” Chris' voice brings me back to reality. Damn it, Dee. Stop getting distracted. “If that works for you, it works. Now, when you get into the actual set..”

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Opinion  Lifelong lessons in coping with fear and humiliation

Age and time usually offer us the gift of learning to take ourselves a lot less seriously.

By Anne Lamott

+

As a woman of faith and cranky optimism, I am usually afraid of only a dozen or so things at any given time, which is a major improvement since childhood. I was the single most scared child on Earth in the 1950s. For instance, I was habitually afraid of being murdered while I slept, so I’d practice looking dead. Then the murderer would peek in my room and think, Hmmm, no one to kill in here; the little girl is already dead.

I don’t do that anymore (very often).

Now I am mostly afraid of my son and grandchild dying before me, beside which all other fears pale. I do worry about falling and breaking my hip. Gravity is a killer. I am, as we speak, on a long airplane flight, hearing a loud mechanical rattle, such as what a wing might make as it works itself off toward freedom. Also, I fear inheriting my mother’s Alzheimer’s, my father’s brain cancer, snakes, the election and the guy behind me coughing.

Maybe worst of all, I have to get my driver’s license renewed fairly soon, which means I have to take the written test. I would rather go to my periodontist and let her do the deep gum planing that she seems to enjoy. Even five years ago when I last went to the DMV to renew my license, I was full of dithery fear, bumbling around like Mr. Magoo on crack cocaine looking for the right counter. To my astonishment, I passed the test.

But now, only five years later, I have to do it again. It’s so wrong.

I notice a difference now: Back then, fear felt like a swamp inside, with Burmese pythons swimming around, patiently, so I sloshed through the DMV. With age, it is more shadowy, a sneaky menace. Ahh — gotcha! — and I’ve learned to quiet it one fright at a time.

They say that babies are born cute so that their fathers won’t eat them, and I think a similar thing takes place when we age. As we look older and somewhat more frail, we have a last chance to coax forth compassion and kindness from the world. As we surrender to the reality that, as we age, most of the systems of body and mind start to go on the fritz, we invite humility into our lives. There is no greater strength.

I am definitely running out of time, and I have (mostly) made peace with that.

When I was a child, one of the most important events of the year was the county fair. My friends and I would go on all the carnival rides and eat all the carnival food. But around 10 p.m., someone would notice the time. We’d have only an hour until our parents arrived. Suddenly we had a new clarity of purpose. We stopped wanting to ride the Gravitron or eat more cotton candy. We wanted to get one more funnel cake and then head for the Ferris wheel. This is what aging feels like. You suddenly realize you’ve got one hour left at the fair, and you get serious about how you are going to live.

Twenty-five years ago, my then-9-year-old son inadvertently helped me see the way: I was racing to an appearance at a theater on the docks of San Francisco Bay, holding a purse, a coffee, a batch of papers and my latest book, and trying to get Sam to hurry up behind me. Suddenly, some pages blew away toward some bored cormorants on the pilings. Sam caught them and then glared at me. “Mom,” he said, “you’re carrying too much, and you’re going too fast.”

You get away with this manic, burdened way of living for the first two-thirds of life, but as you transition to the third third, you start to wonder whether this pattern argues a wasted life. You slow down. You start to actually be here for your life. What a concept.

After all the losses, disappointments and deaths that every older person has experienced, we usually discover how life miraculously goes on, reshapes itself toward homeostasis and more grace than we could have imagined. We learn to look beyond our dire imaginings and trust that this miracle might just happen again. I once heard someone say that hope is faith with a track record.

Take this morning. Something humiliating happened to me professionally. It was not ideal, as I was nearly 3,000 miles and many days away from home.

I felt a kind of cold, vibrating sheet metal fear. It was way too early to wake my husband and close friends back in California. What to do? How to get through the morning, let alone my godforsaken life?

I cried for a moment, then fluffed up the despair with some rage and plans for revenge, which is the Christian way. This steadied me.

Then I remembered something: Deep breath! Oh, right — breathe. Get outside and look up. I dressed and raced out.

The morning’s icy blue sky told me that even though it was very, very cold, the blue was burnished by the sun and was an invitation. More warmth and light was on the way. I usually love the mysticism of clouds more than what I sometimes call the sky’s tyrannical blue, but some days you just can’t beat the brightest blue.

George Saunders said that what he’s learning as he ages into retirement is that “kindness is the only non-delusional response to everything.” I stroked my shoulder like the best mom, who knew how to keep the little patient comfortable.

Next, an overly large, gloriously unhealthy breakfast. Sometimes you need to lift off and fly, but sometimes you need ballast.

Back inside, no longer gasping like a fish on the dock, I picked up the 200-pound phone and risked waking my husband. He was apoplectic on my behalf and then helped me with my plans for vengeance — snake attack, of course, and hemorrhoids. Next I called my Jesuit friend Tom Weston. He said I had to arrange for a burnt offering at my next destination, to appease the ancient Canaanite gods. (They love barbecue.) Also, that the god of his understanding is very willing to help Protestants, most of the time.

His love made me a bit teary, but I found myself laughing with him.

Age and time usually offer us the gift of learning to take ourselves a lot less seriously. We smile ruefully at ourselves more often. And laughter is the Dippity-Do of the spiritual life, jiggly at first and then holding us firmly. The wiggle and jiggle play with your toxic internal attempts to control life, loosening the membrane between you and the moment, you and the ocean, you and your armored intellectual head; you and me. The hold held me like a rock.