#female shepard x kaidan

[scripts4dreamers]

Just a headache

AN: I am officially Back on my Bullshit, writing for characters from a video game that came out in 2007 but, in my defence, I only discovered them like two months ago. Furthermore, I will never understand the Kaidan Alenko hate, I heard that man say "I'm 32 years old, Shepard. You don't live this long without coming to terms with yourself" and SWOONED. We love a man who doesn't need fixing! Characters: Kaidan Alenko, fem!Shepard Warnings: None Spoilers: None

The first time it happened it was so innocuous that Shepard barely noticed. She called for Kaidan to meet her in the cargo hold and instead got Joker in her ear.

“No can do, boss. Alenko’s a no-go. Gotta pick someone else.”

Oh well, it happens. She shrugged it off and hooked Liara into a quick Mako ride instead.

The second time it happened she was actually looking for him. Nothing serious was going on and she’d wanted his opinion on some readings they’d picked up coming from the Argos Rho cluster.

“Lieutenant,” she’d started, staring intently down at her datapad, “can you take a look at these for me? I think I-Lieutenant?”

There was an empty spot where the lieutenant usually stood. She had, in fact, been talking to air. Okay, a little embarrassing, but where was Kaidan? He was always there, like always. She knew he wasn’t on the bridge, she’d just come from there. They were in space, so he couldn’t have gone for a walk. He said the cargo hold made him feel claustrophobic, so he wouldn’t be down there. Maybe the engineering bay? She felt strangely off kilter not knowing where Kaidan Alenko was. He was something of a constant for her, a little piece of stability in her incredibly chaotic world. With him missing…

“Everything alright, Commander?” he asked, appearing at her right shoulder and making her jump.

“Lieutenant,” she said, with a little screech. Kaidan chuckled and she flushed, continuing, “I was just-I was looking for you and you weren’t here.”

Did Kaidan look…guilty? He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and avoided her gaze. Now that she thought about it, something was definitely off with Kaidan. His skin was slightly sallow and he was holding his body with a kind of forced stiffness. When he moved there was the slightest edge of gingerness to it, like he was afraid of something. They were subtle things, expertly hidden, but Shepard had spent too much time on the field with Kaidan to not notice. He was definitely hiding something.

“I’m here now, Commander,” he replied with a tight, but sincere smile, “can I help you with something?”

She opened her mouth to question him, but something kept her quiet. Kaidan had never pushed her, never forced her to be more open than she was ready to be. Maybe it was time she gave him that same respect. Still, if she did a little research when she was alone in her cabin that night, who would know?

The third time…well, the third time it happened, everything clicked. They had just cleared out a base on Luna whose VI had gone rogue. It had been more tedious than actually challenging, but the constant buzz of the drones, the hum of the kinetic barriers and the harsh glare of the grenades Ashley had been launching had left Shepard feeling irritable and overstimulated. Ashley was uncharacteristically quiet as they clambered back into the Mako, which was the only clue as to how tired she was as she stared listlessly out the window at Earth. However, it was Kaidan who was drawing her attention. He looked wrecked. She could see him clenching his jaw and then forcing himself to relax it. His hands were balled into fists where they were resting on his thighs and he winced subtly whenever he opened his eyes. She forced herself to drive slowly, trying to minimize the jolting as much as she possibly could and earning a few well meaning jabs from Williams as they made their way back to the Normandy. She took them on the chin and kept her mouth shut, her eyes flicking over to Kaidan in the rear view mirror, deeply concerned.

As they drove the Mako up into the Normandy’s open cargo hold and stepped out into the decontamination zone, Shepard felt herself cursing the number of bright lights. Had spaceships always been so shiny and loud? Did it always need to jolt like that? Kaidan looked like he was about to fall over. As subtly as she could, Shepard moved so she was standing in front of him and blocking him from view. Kaidan let out a small sound of relief that made her heart pinch as he used her cover to shield himself from the worst of the glare.

“Migraine?” Shepard asked softly, her voice barely above a whisper as they waited to be decontaminated.

“Not yet,” he answered, “but it’s coming.”

“Should I get Dr Chakwas for you?”

“No, no I have meds in my cabin.”

Shepard nodded, looking forward to avoid drawing attention, “Seems like this is happening more often these days.”

Kaidan was quiet for a long moment, “I didn’t think-I was hoping you hadn’t noticed.”

“Kaidan,” she started gently, “I want to know when you’re struggling. I want to-”

The automated voice chirped that they were now free to proceed into the ship and, like an arrow fired from a bow, Kaidan shot past her into the elevator, gave her an apologetic look and vanished up into the main body of the ship. Shepard let out a breath and forced herself not to bolt after him. It was becoming a problem, this need to know that he was alright, this compulsion to check on him, to keep him safe. He was a grown man, she reminded herself, a capable man and he wouldn’t appreciate her fussing over him.

And yet…

When over a day had passed with no sign of Kaidan, when he didn’t show up for breakfast, lunch, dinner and then breakfast again, Shepard made her way down to the crew quarters. It was unusual for a lieutenant to have a room to themselves on a ship like the Normandy, but Dr Chakwas had pulled some strings. She had only been inside it once, on the first day of her first tour on the Normandy. The day she’d met Kaidan.

Slowly, she raised her hand and knocked.

—

Kaidan felt like his skull was going to split open, like someone was sending shockwaves directly from his brain into his cranium in an attempt to break him. His stomach roiled with nausea, but there was nothing left in his body to throw up. The strength of the migraine had surprised him. It hadn’t been this bad since he was a child, since those brutal days at Brain Camp when the instructors had pushed them past their limits just to see how quickly they could recover. Somehow, the pain was even worse than he remembered.

He couldn’t say for sure how much time had passed since the attack had started, but he knew that it had been too long. He knew his absence would have been noticed and his heart pinched at the thought of Shepard and his friends talking about him in hushed tones, wondering about his capability, throwing doubt on his fitness for duty and sighing with disappointment as they took on his jobs. A little part of him fought back on that narrative, reminding him that these were his friends and they were more likely to be concerned than disappointed, but he was too strung out on pain and exhaustion to be reasonable.

As a way to distract himself, Kaidan thought back to his last proper conversation with Shepard. It hadn’t been anything special, just trading ideas on what they were most excited to do when they next got shore leave. Shepard had said that the first thing she was going to do was find a cafe and order herself a proper cappuccino and Kaidan, with a confidence that was rare for him, and quipped back that if she came with him to Vancouver he knew a place that would blow her mind.

“Better than sex,” he’d promised, immediately realising that he’d never actually said the word ‘sex’ around the commander before and cursing himself for his lack of formality, “swear to god.”

She had just laughed in response and the sound was so intoxicating that Kaidan suddenly didn’t care about propriety, “Better than good sex or bad sex? Because that matters.”

He had made a big show of thinking it over when, in reality, he had been trying to keep himself from flushing. Shepard and sex were thoughts he usually fought very hard to keep separated, now that he had brought them together they were getting all tangled up and sweaty in ways that-

“Better than good sex,” he had said, proud of how normal his voice sounded, “but worse than great sex. I don’t want to give you false hope, Shepard.”

She’d chuckled, patting him on the back as she started making her way back to the bridge, “I’ll hold you to that, Alenko. You, me, mind blowing coffee in Vancouver.”

“It’s a date.” he’d said without thinking.

Shepard had almost stumbled. Almost. It had been small, just the briefest stutter in her usually fluid movements, but Kaidan had caught it and it made something flare in the pit of his chest. She hadn’t done anything but give him a shy smile but, as he had watched her walk away, he had felt something in their dynamic shift.

That had been what, two weeks ago now? It was hard to tell, but he thought about it almost every day. That shy smile, the briefest touch of her hand on his back, they kept him going. He knew it was inappropriate. He knew there were a million regulations forbidding him from ever-forbidding them from ever-

But God, nothing quite distracted him from the pounding in his head like fantasizing about Shepard, so he let himself dream. He let himself imagine holding her face, twisting a lock of hair around his fingers, bringing her home to meet his parents and kissing her on their patio. He imagined being happy with her, living a simple life where they would both be safe and comfortable. It was a pretty dream made even prettier by how impossible it was, but he felt just sorry enough for himself that it didn’t matter.

The soft knock drew him from his imaginings. Probably Dr Chakwas coming to check on him and give him a scolding for not coming to her immediately.

“Come in,” he said weakly, his voice horse from lack of use, “door’s open.”

In the pitch darkness of his small, spartan room it took him longer than it should have to realise his guest was not, in fact Dr Chakwas. It was only when she’d gotten nearly to the bed that Kaidan could make out Shepard’s familiar form.

“Commander,” he said, scrambling to his feet as quickly as he could and gritting his teeth as his head responded with vicious throbbing, “I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

The movement was too much. His stomach revolted against him, white lights flashed before his eyes and, for a mortifying moment, he was convinced that he was going to pass out right there in front of her. Only years of experience working through the pain kept him upright and he fumbled for a lightswitch.

“If I’d known it was you-” he started, finding the switch and flipping it on.

The sudden brightness made him cry out and, in one fluid movement, Shepard leaned forward and flicked the switch back off, plunging them both back into darkness.

Before he could finish his sentence or do something really embarrassing, like throw up on her boots, Kaidan felt Shepard’s hands grip his upper arms softly.

She waved away his apologies with a simple, “At ease, soldier,” and guided him back down so he was sitting on the edge of his bed.

She took care to move him slowly, keeping her touch soft so as not to jolt him too much. It was tender and, even though his skin usually felt tender and sore during an attack, the contact felt like a soothing balm. He could make out her features through the darkness now, as she crouched in front of him. Her brow was furrowed with concern, her eyes traced his face like she was scanning him for injuries and she was worrying at the inside of her lip, a habit she’d had the whole time he’d known her. Suddenly, Kaidan became aware of how wrecked he must look to her. He had kicked off most of his clothes long ago, leaving him in just a pair of comfortable shorts. His skin was tacky with dried sweat, his room was a complete mess and he must smell-

“Are you alright, Lieutenant?” Shepard asked, her voice kind and non-judgemental.

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied automatically.

She pursed her lips, “Kaidan…”

“It’s just a headache, ma’am,” he insisted, repeating the lie he’d been telling since he was small, “I’m ready to serve, whenever you need me.”

Shepard sighed, sounding tired and, to Kaidan’s surprise, reached up to press her fingers against his throat. His heart stuttered in his chest. She was checking his pulse, that was all. It was a very normal thing for a person in her position to be doing, he shouldn’t be - The gentle pressure of her skin against his felt so good that Kaidan’s eyes fluttered shut involuntarily and he just managed not to whimper.

“You don’t need to lie to me, Kaidan,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper, “I know you. I know you don’t make a habit of missing meals and spending days lying alone in the dark. Talk to me.”

“I-” he started to protest, before sighing, “I’ve been better.”

“Are there meds I can get for you?”

He shook his head, “Can’t keep them down long enough for them to work. Just gotta wait it out now.”

She made a sympathetic noise in the back of her throat, “Mind if I wait with you?”

Kaidan felt a flicker of something in his chest, a mix of anticipation and mortification. No one had ever-not since Brain Camp-but he was so sick of being alone with his thoughts, and Shepard-

“I wouldn’t want to bother you, ma’am,” he argued, half-heartedly, “I’m sure there’s a million other things that deserve your attention more than me.”

She smiled and, even in the darkness, Kaidan could make out the glimmer in her eye.

“Not today there isn’t,” she replied, “today I’m all yours, if you want the company that is.”

Kaidan silently thanked the lord for the darkness, because he just knew he was blushing something fierce. There was no amount of pain in the world that would have stopped him from feeling a lick of desire deep in the pit of his stomach at the phrase ‘today I’m all yours’. He would unpack that later, he promised himself.

“I-I would like some company, Commander,” he agreed.

The way Shepard’s face brightened at that was worth any level of embarrassment he might have felt, “Good.”

She immediately took a seat beside him on the bed and leant forward, untying her shoes and kicking them off. Kaidan opened his mouth to ask what she was doing but, before he could say anything, she pulled her legs up and crossed them.

Kaidan Alenko was, for lack of a better word, dumbfounded. Commander Shepard, the commander Shepard, first human spectre, and the woman he currently had a big fat juvenile crush on, was sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce on his bed. It was so ridiculous that he couldn’t help but chuckle, even though his voice was still weaker than he would have liked. She smiled, like the sound pleased her, and reached down into the satchel that, until now, Kaidan hadn’t realised she’d brought.

“I have supplies,” she explained, “so, head on my lap please, lieutenant.”

—

Jesus Christ what had gotten into her? Shepard’s face felt like a bonfire as she waited for Kaidan to react to her frankly insane request. It had seemed like such a good idea in theory; just show up and be so confident that Kaidan couldn’t possibly think she felt obligated or burdened, but now it was real. Now they were alone in his room with the lights off and Shepard who, up until this point, had been so careful to never offer Kaidan anything more than a friendly pat on the back to maintain protocol, had just decided to camp out on his bed and ask him to pop his head on her lap.

Inappropriate. Abuse of her power. Unexcusable.

But he looked so destroyed. When she’d checked his pulse she had been able to feel his pulse thrumming too quickly beneath his skin. For the few seconds that the light had been on she had seen the tremor in his limbs, the dark circles beneath his eyes. The man could barely stand let alone serve, but he had tried, he had tried so hard for her, just like he always did. She wanted him to be comfortable, she wanted him to know that he didn’t need to push the pain away with her, that she could be someone he could depend on. If he’d let her.

Only now he was staring at her like she’d grown a second head, and she’d almost certainly blown any sort of trust they might have had and she really didn’t want to explain to Anderson why she was being reported for harassing her lieutenant when he was ill and-

“That’s-” she cleared her throat, “I didn’t mean that as an order, by the way. I just-” she reached into her back and pulled out the ice packs she had brought with her in preparation for this terrible, terrible plan, “I brought supplies.” she repeated.

There was a look on Kaidan’s face that she’d seen glimpses of before but had never been able to identify. He looked down at the ice packs in her hands and then up to her face, holding her gaze for a long moment. His eyes reminded her of whiskey, smooth and unassuming with a kick that sent a shiver down her spine. She tried not to think about how little clothing he was wearing. The man was ill, she absolutely refused to be a pervert about this, but his eyes were fair game and damn, his eyes…

Slowly he moved up on the bed, lowering himself so that his head rested gently on her lap. His arms - more fair game - tentatively wrapped themselves around her knees and Shepard let out a slightly shaky breath.

“Where is the pain, mostly?” she asked.

“Besides everywhere?” He replied with a weak smile, “Base of my skull and my left temple. That’s where it always starts.”

She nodded and gently pressed one of the flexible ice packs to each of the spots he mentioned. For the left temple he could simply rest his head on the pack, but she had to hold the second one to his neck to make sure it stayed in place. The sound he made was somewhere between a sigh and a moan and that strange protective possessiveness flared to life in her chest again.

“Quiet, LT,” she teased, “people might get the wrong idea.”

He chuckled, his eyes fluttering shut as the coolness spread along his skin. She could feel his laughter against her legs, she could feel his sighs of relief and his gratefulness in the way his arms just briefly tightened around her knees. It felt good to help him. It felt good that he was letting her help him.

They sat together in silence for a while, but the silence was comforting rather than awkward. Despite being there for the express purpose of helping Kaidan, Shepard couldn't help but find some of her own relief in having nothing of importance to do. With Kaidan’s head in her lap and his warm breath ghosting over her legs, she could almost forget about Saren and the geth. There was no conduit, no secret race of sentient machines, no hellish past tattooed on the inside of her skull by the last remnants of the Protheans. There was no one counting on her. It was nice.

Shepard tentatively reached out and brushed her fingers along Kaidan’s temples, letting her nails scrape against his scalp softly. He sighed and pushed his head against her hands.

Eventually, Kaidan broke the silence, “I’m sorry I rushed off like that when we got back from Luna.”

“No need to be sorry,” she replied, “I understood.”

“No, I want you to know that I don’t usually let my headaches get in the way of my work like this, ma’am,” he continued, his voice taking on a slight edge of tired desperation, “I usually manage it better, it’s just-”

“It’s just that the work we’re doing is full of endless triggers?” she suggested, “Bright lights, bombs, gun fire, constant life or death pressure, high stress, chronic exhaustion-”

“It sounds like you’re describing being a soldier, ma’am,” he interrupted, but his voice sounded fond.

She snorted, “I’m describing war, Lieutenant. There are soldiers who go their entire career without seeing the level of combat that we see in a week. You and I are more prepared than most with our service histories, but there’s no way to really get your body ready for what we’re putting ourselves through. Every single member of this crew is seeing wear and tear of some kind, this is just yours. You’ve done good work and we all see that.”

He was silent for a moment, “The others are struggling too?”

“Oh yeah,” she agreed, “Garrus works on that Mako all hours of the day because if he stops moving he’s worried he’ll never start again. Ash runs drills until her body physically gives out because she can’t sleep otherwise. Tali can’t stop checking the engine because some part of her is convinced that it’s just going to give out while we’re sleeping, Wrex had broken three shotguns in fits of rage and Liara-” she shook her head, “that poor woman is so overwhelmed that it’s a miracle she’s still moving at all.”

Kaidan hummed sympathetically, “And you, Commander?” he asked gently.

She pressed her lips together to keep from immediately giving one of her prepared, comforting lies. Kaidan had trusted her, he was being vulnerable. She owed him at least that much.

“I haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep since Eden Prime,” she admitted with a sigh, “I try, but I just end up lying in bed awake for hours and then, when I do eventually doze off, I wake up screaming like an hour later. Dr Chakwas thinks I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and the lack of sleep is slowing the healing process for all the damage my body is taking.”

“Well, maybe if you let me put barriers on you before charging right into the middle of every firefight we come across-” Kaidan replied teasingly.

She waved him away, eternally grateful to him for not forcing her to linger in her moment of vulnerability, “Save your barriers for yourself, LT. I’ll be fine.”

He chuckled before continuing, “Thanks, Commander. It-it doesn’t make the pain go away, but it’s good to know I’m not the only one.”

Shepard took a moment to turn the ice packs over, earning her another relieved sigh from lieutenant Alenko, and studied his frame intently. His brow had smoothed out, his breaths were deep and even. The tension he had been carrying in his shoulders and neck seemed to have leached away. He seemed better, or at least more relaxed than he had when she first arrived and she fought the urge to run her fingernails along the smooth expanse of his back.

“I’m glad,” she smiled, “how is the pain now?”

He sighed, “Still there, but-” she could just about make out the pink flush that spread along his cheeks, “but it’s a lot better with you here.”

He was fighting to stay awake, she realised, a fight that he was rapidly losing as the sheer exhaustion that came with being in constant pain dragged him closer and closer to sleep.

“Good,” she replied gently, feeling herself softened by something deeper than mere fondness, “get some rest, Kaidan. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

She could see him trying to think of some sort of protest but, eventually, the pull was too strong.

“Thank you, Shepard,” he said softly, “for everything.”

She was saved from having to answer. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko was already fast asleep.

[nateeseart]

Happy N7 day!

[olath124]

This was a drawing I’ve made for the Alenko Summer exchange… but it was too late and being the anxious gremlin I am I've never posted it. So, being n7 month I've decided to post it now!

She is the lovely @halesshepardn7 's Rose Shepard in a soft and lovely moment with her space husband Kaidan ❤️

[hextechmaturgy]

olivia (?) shepard ; earthborn ; vanguard ; bisexual disaster nightmare

[spacevixen2024]

Last Fic of the Year! My Christmas present to all those Shenko fans out there!

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Mass Effect Trilogy Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Shepard Characters: Kaidan Alenko, Female Shepard (Mass Effect), Liara T'Soni, Javik (Mass Effect), Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, Garrus Vakarian, James Vega Additional Tags: Christmas Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Ugly Holiday Sweaters, Post-Mass Effect 3, Earthborn (Mass Effect), Sole Survivor (Mass Effect) Series: Part 12 of Commander Faith Shepard aka One Hot Mess Of A Human. Summary:

Kaidan helps Shepard get in the spirit of the Holidays.

Aka Vixen's love letter to you all!

[stupid-tes-nerd]

What’s up nerds. There’s a new Mass Effect live in my channel! We talk down a cult leader, do some gambling, and meet some Batarians that are trying to crash an asteroid into Terra Nova!

[danypooh80]

All I ever wanted, Ch. 109

Sloane, Vega, and Kasumi look for Miranda; the team heads deeper into the facility and learns more about what Lawson was up to in Sanctuary.

[amadholes-lostre]

My hopes for ME 5:

Take place centuries after ME trilogy

Mainly

The protagonist could be plays as nonhuman

The idea that instead playing as a human protagonist like the first 4 games, here players could choose their race like how Dragon Age does so. The races I could think of are: humans (naturally lol), asaris, turians, salarians, quarians (suitless), and maybe an original race.

Humans will naturally have the most optionable when it comes to customization, however other races should have some variations as seen in ME3 multiplayer but with more. Having asari's crest shape either being curly, female turian having fringes, etc.

Another idea is how some races have restrictions when it comes to class selections, like how DA done with its race. Humans are the jake-of-all-trades: neither thr most powerful yet not the weakest. Asari could only play biotic class, but the most powerful. Salarian can't play frontline class like soldier and vanguard but best at infiltrator. Krogan can't play infiltrator, but the best options for soldiers and Vanguard.

The protagonists were either cryosleep or descendants of the Mass Effect squadmates

The cryosleep option will likely be a good choice for a stand-in character; before Reaper War, some of the government officials did believe in Shepard's warning and managed to create a cryogenic colony, similar what the Protheans did. There were only limited numbers due to funding and timing, and the numbers were likely only in the thousands. Once Shepard active the Crucible, it fried the VI moderating the cryopods, causing some to die and the rest not to be reawakened until the start of ME5. What likely woke them up was a conflict between Liara and her group with the Reaper Cultists trying find a now awake Shepard. Now the awoken Protagonist trying adjust to a new galaxy unfamiliar to their own; another intragalaxtic rivaling the reformed Citadel Council called Attican Traverse Alliance, a Reaper snd Shepard cultists, etc.

Another option is that the protagonist-based on their race- are descendants of ME triology characters, more specifically the squadmate and crew. Like thr krogan will be Wrex child, thr human will be great grandchild of Ashley or Kaidan, etc.

More preexisting Alien races before and during Reaper War

Canonically, there are dozens of different races that members of the Citadel Council, however, the games were limited due to the game engine and creativity. The idea is that there should be more races in the 5th game that were already known, but only introduced in this game. Maybe like 20, at least to show that thr galaxy is far more diverse than how fanfic protray it.

That, and also more non-gonochoric races, either mono-sex (like asari), hermaphrodite, or races having more than 2 sex. For mono-sex, I already saw 2 ME oringal species that assigned at such, and I have my own original races that are mono-sex.

Could choose Shepard's gender and their lover

I preferred that Shepard is a woman and that her lover is Liara T'soni (people forget how big this was in the 2000s). I also know Bioware portrayed Shepard as a man. My idea is to keep it as anonymous as possible and allow the players to choose, likely at where players customize their character.

If not, at least allowed be Shepard x Liara be canon and still allowed to change Shepard gender.

Self-explanatory, I know how biased Bioware could be with Liara, and a lot of the storyline make it more dramatic and romantic if the players choose Liara as their lover. However, I don't like the idea that mashep will considered be thr canon Shepard, so hopefully, they allow us to choose the gender.

If the last two were option, allow the protagonist and/or main characters (as an Asari) be Shepard's daughter.

One idea is that each optionable race have their own backstory with players choosing some of it (like Shepard). My idea that the asari character is Liara's daughter, either being Shepard (if players chose them) or some other person (likely another asari, or maybe still Shepard if they gave het permission before hand). This creates more drama and interesting storyline.

Technology progression far more after the canon end

Self-explanatory. It will make sense, especially since they already did so after ME1. Some idea I think of: far larger and faster ships (3km+ and 25 ftl per day); using plasma or hard-like light weapons; far larger space station (see my Citadel redesign); maybe a new wearable computer and superseded omnitool; maybe some tech that isn't based on mass effect/eezo.

Actually provide more lores for races other than superficial ones on the codex

Even though Mass Effect sometimes provided great lores, it doesn't feel as filling.

Lost Worlds/Reconnecting other planets that were disconnected from the relay

One of the primary reasons why I wanted the game to take place centuries layer. Having planets that were isolated due to the destruction of the relays, especially multi-species ones, allows interesting storyline and lore. Though ME3 already confirmed the mass relay were back up, it will make sense if they are only functionable in Citadel Space.

One idea is a hub section on a newly connected world, heavily populated by multiple species with a large population (maybe around 50 billion). Another idea is multiple star systems in Terminus Systems that were populated by former slave descendants who had revolted after the Mass Relays destruction. Likely called the Free People Republic who are extremely anti-Batarian.

Mythification of Commander Shepard

Don't know what else to add here.

The main antagonists are Reaper cultists

Like the mythification of Shepard, there will also be a mythifcation of Reapers. Insteadif believing that Reapers were villains wiping out organic and synthetic alike, they were actually a harmonic force of good, trying to bring harmony and unity through assimilation. They only fought through horrific means due to the resistance they faced.

The game storyline will be about finding Shepard while also dealing with the Reaper cult, figuring out who they are and their motivation. They will be more like a looming threat in the background like Cerebus were in the first game.

Some characters' ideas I have/ want a lesbian and gay characters in the squad

Honestly, this is more like my oc in ME 5, but I also disliked how the only lesbian/gay character we allowed to romance ain't squadmate. I love Samantha Traynor and Suvi Anwar, but they're don't have a lot followers due of their lack of scene time. I have 2 characters, though one is more like transmasc nonbinary.

The Blue Mage/ Blue Sorcerer

An oc I have since ME:A, the Blue Mage biracial Japanese, she is a D&D enthusiast who enjoys role-playing as a Mage and employed it through her biotic Though naturally a weak biotic, her staff contains a large amount of eezo, which amplifies her biotic ability. She is also a biochemist who specializes in genetics and eezo. Her backstory is a bit tragic; she once has a beloved wife that she adored along with 5 daughters. However, due to recklessness when researching eezo and genealogy, her wife died through AEND, and all her daughters blamed her for it. The Blue Mage (I calling her Samantha) looks like in her late 20s, she is actually in her 100s (it helps that humans' maximum lifespan will be at 250 years). Not only that, due to her tinkering her genes (with eezo) (and being a designer baby), she could live up to her 500s. (She also talk about how weird it is to have an asari best friend; by the time she has her third daughter by age 40, her asari friend will be at stage 4 of puberty.)

When the Female/Enby protagonist romance her, or at least trying to be friends with her, she will open who she is, including about the research that led to her wife death, thr method behind her daughter's birth (she carried her), her parents that she hated, and her religion belief (she is a Shintist, Buddhist, and Siarists) (it also connected to her research). Her research was about not only increasing biotic potential for humans (and other nonhumans), but it was also about trying to apply telepathy and mental connection like how asari does so. Not only that, but using herself as a guinea pig, having telepathic. Her telepathic is so adroit that she managed inseminated telepathically through her former wife's gene, through birthing her daughter like an asari. And how her wife got AEND was that, due of her being also an eezo researcher like Samantha, she and her were both reckless when dealing with her research, and though Samantha was immune, her wife was not. Her daughter blamed her for her death, which she agreed. However, the protagonist could convince her that both her and her wife held responsibility and that she shouldn't feel as solely the guilty one. This will help her for her loyalty mission and their romance if female/enby protagonist romance her.

For the loyalty mission, her oldest daughter-a powerful biotic vanguard - joined up with an asari majority vigilant group that fights against pirates and slavers. Samantha discovered an SOS from her band that they managed rescued slaves from an infamous, powerful mercenary who's planning to sell them to an unknown buyer (likely the Reaper cultists). The hilarious idea that Samantha's daughter contacted the protagonist's squad and learned that her mother is in it. Cue two of them yelling at each other to the point the omnitool can't even translated it. When the protagonist intervened, and if the they're female/enby romancing Samantha, this would be the response.

Daughter: Who the hell is this!?

Female/enby, choosing renegade option: I'm your new daddy.

Daughter: My new wha- Okāsan?!

Samantha, blushing yet also angry: Not the time, babe!

The other squadmate: I didn't know you two were dating/ too much information/ you using the wrong gender word.

In the end, after rescuing the band and the captured people, the daughter and Samantha made up, and the daughter introduced them to her asari lover. This led het other 4 daughters to forgive her too.

The Ronin

A vanguard who was friends with Samantha (they lost touch before Samantha's wife death), the Ronin is like a futuristic samurai. The idea behind the character is based on my fictional architectural/cultural resurgence called Neohon. The idea is how Japanese started rejecting having their architecture and fashion based on Western style and start using their traditional ones, just using more advanced or new tools (other cultures also done the same thing). (The only issue is that it was overtaken by ultranationalists.)

Anyways, the idea was how some Ko-ryū and Ninjutsu schools started employing biotic ability into their curriculum and swordship method. The Ronin uses Iaido (quick drawing) for their swordship; do a biotic charge and use the momentum to cut through enemies.

I don't have lore behind them: they were friends with Samantha and both were from a Japanese-Asari jointed colony that predated the Reaper war, they part of some samuari/shinobi band, their teacher was also their lover, and the majority of their band were betray by their own member, leaving only them as the only survivor.

The Biosyth

This is actually based on one of the aliens that was mentioned in the game. With all their race living a huge server, there are some who wish to venture outside, using a robotic unit that has almost all the similarity with an organic body. The virtual race does not have restricted genders, nor do they have retained sexual orientation. Meaning the protagonist, no matter of gender, could romance them.

Some ideas I have that the Biosyth is a youngster of their race, going through a rite of passage by leaving the server and venturing out with their unit. They are fascinated by the outside world and ask the protagonist a whole bunch of questions and trying new foods. They even start experiencing their gender, either feminine, masculine, nonbinary, or agender, and the player could help choose for them.

Squad member platonic date and romantic date

Kind of similar how ME:A did it, but after completing a squadmate loyalty mission, they will invite the protagonist and the rest of the crew for a group date. If the player have a romance squadmate, they will also have an additional one.

For Samantha/Blue Mage, her platonic date is returning to her and Ronin homeworld, and going either an RPG/fantasy convention or an dnd session. One hilarious idea is that the player gave the DM an idea using a humongous final boss monster (like Y'gathok, the Ceaseless Hunger). The hologram will make it more hilarious. For the romance/intimate date, Samantha invited the female/enby protagonist visiting her wife's grave, along with her 4 daughters, her oldest and asari lover. It'll be the final acceptance for her wife's death, healing for the remaining family, and introducing new potential families.

I can't think for a romace date for Biosyth, but platonic, I thought of a fun fashion for them in a clothing store. They were trying different clothing that were assigned on genders, and the crew either encouraged them or joined in.

ME:A gameplay mechanic

Fuck do I love Andromeda's mechanics, they better add it back.

Accurate Races height

Due to the first 3 game limiting game engines, almost all thr races have equal height. I wish for ME5 to have a more accurate height for each species, like Krogans supposed to be 7'5, Turians 6'6-7, etc.

[ageless-aislynn]

Nobody asked me any of these but, honestly, I wanted to know the answers to some of them myself, so... I'm answering what I want anyway! 🤷‍♀️😉

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

How many words have you written this year?

I'm counting this as how many words in something that I posted, which is 14,819. A lot more than I expected, honestly, but most of it came from me doing several chapters of "15 Minutes" early in the year. 😉

How many works did you publish this year?

9 chapters in all, but only 4 individual works.

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

"Sentence Starters Short Fic Collection" (Soap and Ghost, Call of Duty, Kaidan x Shepard, Mass Effect and Kai and Vannak, Halo the series) Yeah, they're all suuuuuper short but I'm always proud of myself whenever I write anything at all for fandoms/characters I've never attempted before. 😎👍

What work of yours has the most hits?

Definitely "15 Minutes" (John x female Reader, Halo the series). I'll never have anything else that will get this sort of response and I'm going to miss it when it's over. But I AM finishing it. Someway. Some how.

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

"15 Minutes," yet again. It was meant to be a one-shot and then people liked it and asked for more.

Favorite title you used

"It's All Coming Along" (Master Chief, Halo/Halo the series) Never post things you wrote while in the middle of a bad insomnia bout, kids. You'll think something is funny and everybody else will probably not. I've debated removing this one but finally thought, eh, so it's dumb, that doesn't mean that one day, somebody might get a laugh from my puns. If not, then welp, I'm woman enough to have a total dud in my collection.🤷‍♀️😂

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

Didn't use song lyrics this year but I have in the past. I honestly just use whatever artist or song fits the story or theme. I have a really eclectic bunch of artists that I like, so you never know what'll pop up.

Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

John x female Reader, since "15 Minutes" had so many chapters and "It's All Coming Along" is technically a John x Reader as well. "Recreation" is Kai x male Reader and the Sentence Starters I've already mentioned above. 😉

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

It's actually the female OC/Frank West from my Dead Rising AU titled "Turn Back." They're the only ones I can consistently sit down and just bang out blocks of hundreds of words. I dunno why. 🤷‍♀️

What work was the quickest to write?

"It's All Coming Along" took literally two hours from "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if...?" to me hitting post. Don't do that, kids. Have a nap first if you haven't slept in, like 40 hours. Don't commit fiction, lol. 😆😴

What work took you the longest to write?

"15 Minutes" which was started 2 years ago along with "Recreation" probably deserves that "honor" for more than one reason, lol.

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

In addition to finishing "15 Minutes" and "Recreation," I have 6 others: "Untitled Fluffy Vannak fic" (Halo the series), "Choices" (Noble Team choose your own Spartan adventure, Halo: Reach), "The Price" (Caitlin Frost/Hunter Zolomon, The Flash), "Guardian Angel" (Time Wraith!Caitlin Snow/Eobard Thawne, The Flash), "Split" (Caitlin Snow/Eobard Thawne, The Flash) and "Try" (TomCav!Eobard Thawne/Caitlin Snow/Mattobard!Eobard Thawne, The Flash).

What’s your longest work of the year?

"15 Minutes" chapters 7 - 11 totaled 12,064 words on their own.

What’s your shortest work of the year?

"It's All Coming Along" at 106 words

What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

I'm dragging all 8 of them with me, lol.

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

I'm terrible at tagging so most of my tags are just pairings or the occasional warning I feel might be needed.

Your favorite character to write this year?

I'll always love writing for Master Chief John-117, my beloved. I also really love writing Cortana.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

All of them. Writer's block suuuuuucks. 😭

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

Honestly, once I finish my WIPs I feel like I'm done. I'll probably keep writing things like my Dead Rising AU and my handful of Mass Effect: Andromeda fics but they're all totally just for me, not to be posted. If something pops to mind, I'll write it but, for the most part, I don't think fandom in general needs me anymore, lol.

Which work of yours have you reread the most?

"15 Minutes" because I'm trying to make sure I keep things consistent and wrap up any loose ends.

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

I can't really tell because there's no way to sort out the kudos that "15 Minutes" and "Recreation" already had on them. Excluding them, though, 21.

Which work has the most comments?

"15 Minutes."

Did you do any collaborative works this year?

No, I could barely work with myself this year, lol. I'm lousy at collabs, unfortunately.

Did you write any gifts this year?

No.

Did you receive any gifts this year?

No.

What’s your most common category?

I guess I technically write (hopefully) humorous romance?

What do you listen to while writing?

My inner editor screaming NO1CURRS and that I'm wasting my time even trying to finish my WIPs. I try to drown her out with various playlists. Here's one.

Favorite work you wrote this year?

Again, it's probably the "Turn Back" Dead Rising AU or "The Best Mistake" (Gil x OC, Mass Effect: Andromeda AU). Of my posted stuff, though, "15 Minutes."

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

"Look, it's not my fault that that penguin documentary was kinda lame and—"

"IT WAS NOT!" Vannak bellowed back and took a swing at her that would've definitely put a marine in the infirmary for a month, if not in the ground, permanently. For Kai, it would've at the very least mussed her hair. "Those penguins are adorable and—"

"Lame. Laaaaaame," she singsonged, ducking a flurry of punches, then doing a very impressive parkour run up the wall into a backflip that sent her soaring over the enraged Spartan's head.

"THEY'RE NOT LAME, YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"

"Sentence Starters Short Fic Collection" Chapter 3, Kai and Vannak, Halo the series. For some reason, I absolutely LOVE the idea they're arguing over whether penguins are adorable or not, lol!

Biggest surprise while writing this year?

That I haven't totally given up. It's been verrrrrry close, friends. But every time I've thought, "Eh, why keep trying?" a comment will pop up, thanking me for writing something that gave them a laugh or the like and that'll give me the strength to keep in the fight. If there's even one person left who wants to read how these end or who'll check out the ones I haven't started posting yet, then I want to finish them.

Here's the original post if you'd like to reblog it for yourself or hey, if you'd like to just go ahead and answer it, no asks require, lol!

[binaryjayne]

Writing Master List

Probably should do this.

Mass Effect:

Honeymoon Verse (Kaidan Alenko x James Vega)(list in order of timeline):

Cave In (T, one-shot)

Hey, Remember Last Night? (E, one-shot)

Wish We Got That Honeymoon (E, longfic) (In Progress) (Commissioned Art!)

Tight Spaces (E, one-shot)

Kinktober 2023: Tit-Fucking (E, one-shot)

Reports Can Be So Boring (E, one-shot)

Fireworks and Wedding Plans (G, one-shot)

Honeymoon AU:

Eggnog (M, one-shot)

Random Explicit One-Shots:

To Be Of Service (James Vega x Kaidan Alenko x Steve Cortez x BroShep)

Coercion and Whiskey (Kaidan Alenko x James Vega)

Only If For A Night (Kaidan Alenko x James Vega x FemShep)

to Watch, to be Seen (Kai Leng x FemShep)

Kinktober 2023: Virginity (Kaidan Alenko x FemShep)

Kinktober 2023: Hate Sex (Kaidan Alenko x Ashley Williams)

Kinktober 2023: Pegging (Kaidan Alenko x FemShep)

Hey, What the Fuck Are You Doing? (Zaeed Massani x BroShep)

My Shower is Broken, Can I Borrow Yours? (Kaidan Alenko x Miranda Lawson)

I Just Want a Straight Answer (Kaidan Alenko x FemShep) (Technically multi-chapter, but a quick 7k read)

Communication and Consent (Kaidan Alenko x Femshep) (multi-chapter. All stand alone one-shots, all smut)

Delicious Tea and Other Stories (Kaidan Alenko x Tali'Zorah, Kaidan Alenko x Miranda Lawson, Kaidan Alenko x Kasumi Goto) (multi-chapter. All stand alone one-shots, all smut)

Kinktober 2024 (ongoing. Kaidan Alenko x James Vega, Kaidan Alenko x Female Shepard, Priest!Kaidan x Demon!MShep, James Vega x Female Shepard)

Random One-Shots:

Kaidan Alenko, Banana (T) (Kaidan Alenko x FemShep)

It Wasn't Too Late (T) (Kaidan Alenko x FemShep)

I will update with my Resident Evil and Hades fics, but this already took an embarrassingly long time. I'll also make it pretty... eventually

[cchickki]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤️

thanks for the tag @mallaidhsomo

~

A Woman At War

Fandom: Band of Brothers | Relationship: Donald Malarkey x OC | Rating: T | Words: 239,760 | complete

My magnum opus. My most completed and well-researched fic, my pride and joy. I wrote this fic ten years ago (from 2014-2015) and it's still the most favorite I've ever written. I am currently on hiatus from rewriting it here, but plan on finishing it in the future. Also the truest slow burn I've ever written.

Original summary: Marie Docherty is one woman of a select few chosen to join the men of Easy Company in the front lines. She follows her friends into Europe as she learns the nature of camaraderie and of the heartbreak of war.

Rewritten summary: Marie Docherty chose to enter the paratroopers as one of the first females to join the fight. That was her choice. What she didn't choose was to fall in love with a fellow soldier, or grow attached enough to endure bloodshed and heartbreak like no other. Join Marie (again) through the Eastern front of WWII as she cares for the men of Easy Company.

Beyond the Deep

Fandom: Mass Effect | Relationship: Commander Shepard x Kaidan Alenko | Rating: M | Words: 50,623 | not complete

My first delve into writing Lovecraftian horror/cosmic horror. There's a lot of pain, misery, and psychological horror in this fic (more that I'm planning) and honestly it's quite challenging to write, hence why updates are slow. As a writer though I think it's good exercise to dabble in different genres, especially other genres we're interested in.But overall I'm enjoying writing it and have a lot planned for it on how twisted and otherworldly the secrets of the universe are hiding. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I'm mostly writing this one for myself.

Summary: As the fight against the Reapers races toward a conclusion, Adrienne Shepard receives evidence that her missing father is alive. As Shepard searches for answers, she begins to uncover secrets that are sinister, ancient, and beyond her comprehension. She soon learns that the Reapers could only be the beginning of their galaxy's extermination. 

Run, Girl, Run

Fandom: Hemlock Grove | Relationship: Roman Godfrey x OC | Rating: T | Words: 8,881 | incomplete

Fun little fic I started while watching the Netflix show, but never got to finish it and probably never will since it was taken off Netflix. Although this fic is incomplete, I adore it because of the strong narrative voice I gave the character, personality, and how well she blends into the story surrounding Hemlock Grove. The best compliment I ever received from this fic is one of the readers thought I was an actual double-amputee with how I described the pain and absence of losing a limb (or two in this case), but also the day to day life living without it. Hoping to be able to finish it one day, but not sure when.

Summary: I was forced to move to the small town of Hemlock Grove after a terrible accident left me permanently disabled. This town was supposed to be a new start for me, instead I found myself caught in a place full of darkness, deceit, and mystery. At the center of everything, the Godfreys always seem to be involved. This isn't the change I had in mind.

Crossing Paths

Fandom: Uncharted | Relationship: Sam Drake x OC & Rafe Adler x OC | Rating: M | Words: 59,794

My other most completed fic, and the first fic that I have multiple other fics for. Although the series isn't complete, I'm enjoying expanding on the universe. Originally meant to be an x reader story, but changed as I started to develop one of my favorite OCs. This story brings back good memories with a friend who helped give me ideas for the story that I lost touch with, hope she's doing well.

Series can be found here

Original summary: It was supposed to be a simple heist: attend the fancy gala at the Rossi Estate, grab the St. Dismas Cross by either outbidding the guests or stealing (or collecting as I like to put it), and slip out before I was noticed. Little did I know I wasn't the only one who had my eyes on the cross that night…

~

no pressure tags: @kimberbohwrites, @soft-girl-musings, @durrtydawg, @adevilyoudo, @mumms-the-word (honestly any of my moots that write, sorry brain is not braining right now)

[vorchagirl]

i am so sorry this is so delayed, but here’s my fanfic asks for you - prepare yourself, my friend! ^•^

16 - 18 - 32 - 38 - 46 - 53 - 70 - 80

*80: what are some of your least favorite ships to read AND write?

16. Do you write by hand, on phone or on laptop?

I do the bulk of my writing on my laptop, but lately I've been writing more and more on my phone because I often find myself with spare time while I'm out and about. I do write by hand sometimes, but honestly, I find my phone more convenient now that I've mastered the art of phone writing, lol.

18. Do you enjoy research? Which fic of your required the most research?

I do not enjoy research, lol. But it's an important part of writing, so I do it when I need to. I think the fic that required the most research was Lights in the Sky - I had to do a lot of research for trauma (emotional and physical), different types of wounds, and I had to contact Spanish friends for some help with my Spanish for Vega, and I had to ask my Russian friends to do some transliteration for Rennah's Russian lines. I think Sweet Little Lies is a close second - I had to do a ton of research for that fic too.

32. Do you take fic requests? Why/why not?

Not really, though I hesitate to say definitely no because I never know when an idea will grab me. I'm always open to drabble requests and love when people send those in, but full fics? Not reaaaally.

I used to take full fic requests, and I had some bad experiences with people acting like they owned my work or getting very obsessive with me and my fics. Mind you, I also have had some great experiences. I'm writing Distance because of a fic request, and the lovely person who requested that fic has been nothing short of friendly even though the fic has become much more than intended!

38. What is your most self indulgent posted story?

Lol, this one is easy. My Mass Effect Andromeda x Harlequin Mills and Boon style romance fic 'The Charlatan's Seduction Plan'. This was a labor of love because I genuinely love trashy romances, and my great friend Kit did the art for it. It was so much fun to write, but totally self indulgent!

46. If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life what would it be?

Probably mirror-verse fics where a good wholesome character becomes evil and obsessive. Like my Subject Zero Kaidan fic 'Through A Mirror Darkly'. I like when a good guy goes bad and gets obsessive.

53. What is the most used tag on yoru AO3?

'Romance' - which shocks me. I thought it would be 'shameless smut' XD

70. Are you subscribed to any writers on AO3?

I'm subscribed to 15 or so writers - not as many as I should be, but I have a bad habit of following fics instead of authors. Though if you post a fic or chapter and I review rather quickly, it's probably because I follow you!

80. What are some of my least favourite ships to read and write?

Honestly, and this is not hateful at all because I love that some of my best friends are passionate about their ships and characters, but my least favourite is anything with a male Shepard or male Pathfinder Ryder, no matter what the pairing. I just don't especially gel with a male Shepard. I guess because there is such an overwhelming lack of female representation in media I gravitate towards strong female characters in fics.

If we're talking specific ships which I struggle to write or read, I suppose my top 3 are probably Ash x Kaidan, Male Shep x Miranda, or fRyder x Jaal.

Having said that, I can usually read anything if people ask me to - and sometimes I love fics which I never expected to. So I'm always open to everything.

Thanks for the ask - sorry this was so long!

[ljandersen]

Sideways Part 4

-----------------------------------

Chapter 7:

Ring Zero

Fandom: Mass Effect Trilogy, post-war

Pairing: FemShep/Kaidan Alenko

Rating: Mature

Available: AO3 (beginning, new chapter)

Summary:

Shepard, a paragon for galactic peace and devoted family woman, wakes up in another timeline. War-torn, brutal, and hurting toward destruction, it’s a timeline formed by renegade decisions.

To see her family again, she’ll need to do the impossible before time runs out. Powerful enemies and dangerous secrets stand in her way, but the alternative is worse than death.

“Spectre?” a cool female voice said from behind her.

Shepard turned face to face with the hard-eyed woman with the french bun.  Did she wind it tight every morning like an old-fashioned clock?  The woman’s eyes pulled upward at the sides with the skin stretching on her temples like strained canvas.

“Admiral York, right?” Shepard put her hand out.

York gave her hand a cool glance.  Shepard was about to withdraw it when York accepted it in a cold vice.  The force of York’s grip was enough to crush a rock into powder.

“Welcome,” York said through the barred teeth of her smile.

“Thanks.  I feel it.”  Shepard pulled her hand away and flexed her fingers. “What’s this meeting about?”   

York’s eyes thinned.  “Are you supposed to be here?”

“The bio-scanners let me through.  I got a chimed meeting notification embedded ninja-like into my calendar.  I do have an important meeting of my own in a few hours.  This isn’t something that will take too long?”

York raised her chin skeptically.  “I hope the calendar invite wasn’t an oversight.  Embarrassing to be kicked out by the Alliance for a second time.”

“Embarrassing that I could stroll right into the heart of the command offices, if it was just an oversight.”

York’s lips curled into a bitter smile.  “I’m not above fixing an oversight.”

“I’m not above being an unfixable oversight.”

[lenavonschweetz]

Commander’s Log

Commander Shepard Drabble

Plot:. In the aftermath of The Reaper War, Commander Shepard’s video logs are recovered. Admiral Hackett thinks Garrus should have them.

Warnings: Angst (it’s Mass Effect, so duh), Fem!ShepxGarrus Romance, Shepard is a potty mouth

A/N: So let's get this out of the way now: MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD!!! I mean, there's not a second of the third game's pivotal points that I don't cover here lol so you've been warned! The Mass Effect trilogy is one of my absolute favorite games ever. During quarantine, I’ve sat down and replayed it a couple of times, (all before even the announcement of the remaster lol) each making different decisions before and doing my best to really explore all it has to offer. (and then the Remaster came out and AHHH!!! That was such a long time coming) But, in that time, I wondered if Shepard ever sat down and recorded her thoughts to keep from exploding. Thus, this piece was born. I used a couple | different | sources to really hash out a timeline, so this is as close to canon timeline as I could get. I hope you enjoy!

  General Vakarian,

It is with the deepest regret that I declare Commander Jane Shepard missing in action, and presumably, dead.   Commander Shepard was a remarkable woman and we would not be here today if not for her selfless and commendable actions. Jane was one of the best soldiers I have ever had the honor of working with.  Her tactical brilliance is rivaled by no other, and her heart in spite of everything she ever faced made her a force to be reckoned with both on and off the battlefield.  But she was also one of the best people I’ve ever had the honor of knowing, as well.  She went above and beyond the call of duty and though not all of my colleagues share my feelings on this matter, I know the galaxy would be a much better place if there were more people like Jane Shepard.  She will be sorely missed.

In light of Commander Shepard’s service and sacrifice, The Alliance is posthumously awarding her the Star of Terra.  In addition, we are awarding you, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, and Dr. Liara T’Soni the Star of Terra as well for your assistance to Commander Shepard during The Reaper War, as well as her hunts for Saren and the Collectors.  The galaxy may not realize it, but you three did just as much as the Commander, and we owe you a great debt.  You would be the first non-humans to receive this award and I can think of no others so deserving as those of you who were by the Commander’s side through it all.

I have taken the liberty of attaching Commander Shepard’s logs from her time aboard The Normandy SR2, post her unofficial reinstatement by Admiral Anderson.  Unfortunately, several entries were omitted out of my control and jurisdiction, and these were all I was able to get my hands on.  In the meantime, I hope these vids can be of some comfort to you.

I am terribly sorry for your loss.

God Speed and Spirits guide you, General. Admiral Steven Hackett, Alliance Military

COMMANDER’S LOG - COMMANDER JANE SHEPARD, ALLIANCE MILITARY, NORMANDY SR2

[Note - several entries have been omitted or edited due to confidential information]

COMMANDER’S LOG, OCT 15, 2186 CE.  08:00 Hrs. LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

So, uh…Liara said I should keep a log of…stuff? I dunno.  Says that this is history in the making here, with us fighting the Reapers and all, so, uh…here goes.

I don’t think anyone ever expected this.

I don’t know why, considering I’ve been warning them for three years now, but whatever.

Not like anyone ever really listens to the grunts anyway.

But I mean… I’m kinda right there with them.  I thought… I dunno, I thought maybe everything I’d done had helped?  After the whole Alpha Relay fiasco, I guess I thought it would slow them down if it didn’t stop them altogether.

Jeez, it only took them six frickin’ months?

Is this what you meant, Liara? I…I dunno, I feel so stupid. 

I’m just still processing all this I think.

I’m sore as all hell. I’m pissed as shit. And I’m just so freakin’ tired of all this bureaucratic bullshit.

But… I won’t lie and say that I didn’t miss this.

Earth was never my home.  I grew up on Alliance stations.  Even shore leaves didn’t feel right unless I could look out my window to stars.  I mean, last night was the first that I’ve actually slept the whole night cycle through since being relieved of command.  To be back onboard, no matter the circumstances… god, I sound so selfish.

I mean, I am I guess, but I hate sounding it.  Heh.  God, I’m such an ass.

I know Anderson knew what he was doing, sending us to the Council.  There’s no way we can do this alone, but I wish for once someone would just help out without needed something from me first!

Ugh.

Palavan, here we come.

[…]

I wonder if… no.  I’m sure he’s fine.  Hell, maybe I’ll even run into him…

Commander Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, OCT 20, 2186 CE.  03:00 Hrs.  LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

I didn’t think it was possible, but Palaven’s in as big of a mess as Earth is.  I mean, the Batarians are pretty much gone, so I don’t know why I’m surprised.

God, these Reaper bastards are quick.

And brutal.

I thought the Batarian mutants - the Alliance has taken to calling them Cannibals for…obvious reasons…but if I thought they were fucked up…those Brutes… Jesus, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over what they did to those Turians to make them into those… things.  I mean, husks are bad, don’t get me wrong, but you can practically see the tendons and bone that they had to twist and break to get those hulks that way.  Garrus was pretty quiet about them, and I don’t want to push.  Lord knows I’d rather not think about husks if I don’t have to…

Garrus… god, it’s good to have him back.

I… I really missed him.  Hell, maybe with him sleeping beside me, my nightmares will stop -if he’s up for it, that is.  I haven’t talked to him about us or anything yet, but… maybe this time, we can really give it a go?  I know I’m down for it.  He just means… so much to me.

Heh, I sound like such a sap.  If he ever heard me say any of this, his head would grow too big for his fringe.

And I know you’ll get your hands on this somehow, Liara, so just shut it.

Commander Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, OCT 31, 2186 CE.  15:00 Hrs.  LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

The Genophage.

I have to cure the fucking Genophage.  Of course.

The Primarch’s right, I know.  There’s no other way around it.  Earth needs the Turians, and they need the Krogan.  But I could just punch that Dalatrass in her smug little face.  Lecturing me about bullies when her people sterilized an entire race?  Fucking hypocrite.

Well, at least things are never dull around here.

And it is good to see Wrex again.  I may just take Garrus and Liara with us to Sur’Kesh.  Y'know, for old time’s sake.  The four of us together?  Heh, those Salarians better watch out.

Plus, who knows what intel we’ll find out down there.  What resources.  It would be good to have the Shadow Broker with me.

Commander Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, NOV 2, 2186 CE.  21:00 Hrs.  LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

I…alright, half of this is confidential, so who knows if anyone will ever see it, but I’ve got to tell someone, or something, rather.

If I thought a Prothean artifact was weird, Javik puts that right to bed.  I mean, a living, breathing [redacted].  Lord knows he makes my head hurt as much as the goddamn beacons did.  Still...having a [redacted] on the squad could definitely give us an edge on the Reapers!  His people fought them for God’s sake!

Between him and whatever the hell this Dr. Bryson is so convinced will help us, we could actually do this.  Guess we’ll see when we get to the Citadel.

Commander Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, NOV 10, 2186 CE.  00:30 Hrs.  LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

 Um… alright, I don’t even know where to start.

I’m exhausted.  And I think my lungs are finally functioning at optimal levels again - Cerberus upgrades be damned.

I mean, it would’ve been nice to have all this [redacted] information before the Reapers hit Earth, but whatever.  I mean the race that created the Reapers?!  Hiding under our noses this whole time?!  And poor Dr. Bryson.  Can’t be easy to be rescued, learn about your dad’s death, and then almost lose your mind because of the exact thing that killed your father.  At least James was there to hold her down and get her to the hospital quickly.

I’m told she’s going to make a full recovery.

Still, that whole [redacted] mess made my skin crawl.  I mean, it can - 

[Note - a portion of this log has been redacted due to confidential information pertaining to Task Force Aurora]

- cuz, come on!  I mean, I’m glad we found them but… my head still hurts.  That Triton mech kept me alive, sure, but I’m not so sure that old thing wasn’t crushing my brain.

And I don’t think I’ll ever get over the look Garrus gave me when I resurfaced.  I wasn’t sure if he was going to kiss me or kill me, but I’m beyond glad he was there.  I know we’re still navigating us, but I think this was a huge wake-up call for both of us.  I think we’re both a little more aware of just where we stand.

Still, I think we need to have a talk about it.  Maybe after all this Genophage bullshit is over with.

Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, NOV 17, 2186 CE.  00:30 Hrs.  LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

I can’t believe we’re here.  I mean, I can’t believe we haven’t died several times before getting here, but I can’t believe we’re here now.

Tuchanka.

With the Krogan leader and a viable female on board.

Wrex won’t shut up about how this is history in the making, and I honestly don’t blame him.  If my people had been fighting this bullshit for as long as the Krogan have, I’d be pretty angry too.  Though I guess the better word for him at the moment is excited?

Ha!  An excited Krogan.  It’s a sight, let me tell you.

[…]

I feel like I owe him this, actually.  If it hadn’t been for such a terrible cause, I wouldn’t have destroyed Saren's cure back on Virmire.  I know I was still a little in the dark on everything back then, but I stand by that statement.  The Krogan have been through enough.  I’m just glad I can help now.  And with Mordin helping undo his mistakes, too - heh - it’s just one big old ship full of forgiveness!

…Look, even if the old dinosaur doesn’t trust Mordin, I know they kind of respect each other.  Eve too.  She’s been such a sobering factor in all of this.  Hell, maybe after all of this is over they can even be friends.  After Wrex and Eve pop out a few hundred kids, that is.  I better be godmother to at least 50 of them!

[…]

I know Mordin regrets what he did - even if he won’t admit it.  I’m just… I’m a little scared of how far he’s willing to go to make this right.

And I -

[off screen voice identified: Comm Specialist, Samantha Traynor] Commander?  Incoming message from The Salarian Dalatress.  Marked urgent.

The Dalatress?  What the hell does she want? 

[C.S.S.T.] She will only speak to you, ma'am.

Hmph.  Send it to the comm room.  I’ll take it before heading to the shuttle.

Commander Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, NOV 21, 2186 CE.  04:00 Hrs.  LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

I’m tired.

So fucking tired.

Time and time again, humanity - hell, the galaxy - has put its faith in me and I’m afraid I can only take so much more. I’ve lost so many good people.  

Friends, family.

The Reapers just keep on taking from me and I have no idea how to return the favor.  It seems every God damn time I try to retaliate, they only get stronger!  Losing Kaidan was hard.  Losing Mordin was harder.  Both were needless deaths.  All because of some political bullshit that could’ve been avoided.  All because... someone else might've gotten it wrong... If I ever see that fucking Dalatrass again, I swear I’ll…

[…]

Whatever.  It doesn't matter.

[…]

Half the time I don’t even feel like I belong here.

Like everyone’s humoring me because they don’t know what else to do.  How else can you explain anyone listening to my orders?  I’m just another soldier.  Hell, Anderson’s ten times the leader I am!  But he’s on Earth.  God, it should be the other way around.  He should be the one leading the charge, not me!  I feel like at some point I’m going to wake up and this will all have been one big nightmare.

Garrus assures me that I’ve been through worse, and...I know he’s right, but it doesn’t help me sleep at night.  Doesn’t help with the nightmares.  Thank god I have him to get me through the nights again.

[…]

[…]

We’re headed to The Citadel after I settle Aria’s shit on Omega.  The Salarian Councilor is finally on board and even had some information about Udina that he can only give me in person.  Hopefully, the rest of The Council will follow.

Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, NOV 29, 2186 CE. 3:00 Hrs.  LOCATION: NORMANDY SHUTTLE.

Is thing working yet?  Ugh, finally!  I lost all extranet and Alliance service when we landed on Omega.  God, I hate being out of commission.

It’s been… a strange couple of days, that’s for sure.

Aria T'loak is probably the last person I imagined owing me.  Though it is Aria, so I wouldn’t be surprised at all if she turned out to have some trick up her sleeve.  But she… she actually seemed genuine, though. Even let me take Petrovsky into custody.  And I was damn sure she was going to gut the bastard right in front of me.  Especially after what happened to Nyreen…god, that…that sent Aria over the edge.

[…]

I don’t blame her.  If anything ever happened to Garrus, I’d be looking to tear some heads off too, and then some.

God, I’ve missed him.  Definitely not letting him leave my cabin ‘til we get back to the Citadel.  Ugh, that whole 'can only trust my people’ bullshit is definitely Aria’s pride.  But then again, she probably wouldn’t be too happy about me bringing The Archangel back after all the crap he stirred up with the Omega gangs last year… so then, maybe it’s better I couldn’t bring anyone.

Especially him.

Still, would’ve been nice for someone else to have seen those Adjutant things.  Those… are going to take a while to get over.  Wouldn’t be surprised if they star in any upcoming nightmares, honestly.

[…]

Whew, I’m exhausted.  I never thought I’d say it, but I’m actually looking forward to getting back to the Citadel.  For once, political bullshit sounds like a welcome distraction from everything I saw on Omega.  A God damn walk in the park.

Plus, it’ll finally give Garrus and me a chance to have that talk he’d mentioned having.

Just a few days, no fighting, just mind-numbing political jargon, and a handsome Turian at my side.

Commander Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, DEC 1 2186 CE. 13:00 Hrs.  LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

Alright.  I’ve officially fucking had it with these Cerberus assholes.  I am going to kill them all after that bullshit.  Especially this new Kai Lang bastard Anderson told me about.  He is not walking away from me after what he did to Thane.

And Udina.  That son of a bitch.  I am so tired of saving the Council!  Of sacrificing people to save their sorry asses, especially after all they’ve ignored!  Conceded fuckers.  And Thane gave his life for them.  I mean, I know he didn’t have much time left, but…

[…]

At least Kolyat was there with him at the end.

[…]

They… prayed for me… He was dying, and he prayed for me. I don’t think I deserve it, but Garrus tells me I do.  Ah, Garrus.  My one-woman Turian.  Heh, well, if anything good can come from all this crap it’s that I finally know where we stand.  And I’m not letting him go any time soon.  Oh, God, I’m such a cheese ball.

[…]

We’ll be docking with the Quarians shortly.

Let’s hope those trigger-happy germaphobes didn’t make a mess of things.

Commander Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, DEC 1, 2186 CE. 14:00 Hrs.  LOCATION: NORMANDY SHUTTLE.

[Note - the following log has been censored for excessive language. Many moments unintelligible due to excessive volume.]

[censored] son of a god [censored] [censored]! [unintelligible] dumb [censored] selfish [censored] [unintelligible]!!!

[…]

[censored]!  Shepard [censored] out!

COMMANDER’S LOG, DEC 4, 2186 CE. 07:00 Hrs.  LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

Tali is the only Quarian with her head screwed on straight, I swear to Christ.

I mean who the hell goes to war willingly when the Reapers are tearing the galaxy apart!?

I mean shit, they couldn’t have just waited a few fucking months?!

And that stunt that Han’Gerrell pulled, I just - ugh!  I’ve probably just created another political shit storm what with punching him and all, but that was the least I wanted to do.  Needlessly putting my crew in danger, my friends, my -

[…]

Ugh.

Garrus was sweet enough to ice my knuckles afterward.

At least Tali and Legion are on good terms.  I know it’s cheesy but…those two give me hope.

Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, DEC 10, 2186 CE.  02:45 Hrs. LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

I, uh…I had another nightmare.

This one was different.  I don’t think I even saw the kid this time.  I wasn’t even in that forest again, just…darkness.  I think it may have been Tuchanka?  Or Palaven?  I’m honestly not even sure, but…God, I…

[…]

Uh, ok.  I just need… I need a second.

[…]

Fuck! I’m not a crier, what the hell?!

I just…I saw the crew.  Back in the Collector base.  And Chakwas, she…  And Joker…  And they were…  They talked to me, and they just kept screaming and begging me to help, and I just -

I couldn’t, and their cries just-

[…]

Ahem.

And…

[…]

[…]

Uh, Garrus was there, too.

[…]

I don’t know if I’ll be able to look at another Marauder again, let alone kill one…and I just knew it was him.  His eyes were so empty, but he looked right at me while they were… they were… shit…

I don’t want to wake him, but…God, if anything ever happens to that big, dumb Turian, I’ll rend this galaxy in two.

[…]

I’m going to try to get some sleep.  Or even just rest with my eyes closed.  Hell, maybe open if I see that again…

[…]

Is any of this even making a difference?

Am I even making a difference?

[…]

Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, DEC 25, 2186 CE.  10:00 Hrs.  LOCATION: RANNOCH.

I’ll admit, Rannoch is beautiful.

I don’t know if it was worth all this, but the Quarians sure seem to think so.  God, we’ve wasted so much time here, but I need their support.  We need their support, if they don’t get it together, I -

[…]

And…it means a lot to Tali.  And she’s been there for me almost as much as Garrus has.

Ok…so if it makes her happy…maybe it is worth it.

She just better invite me to the house warming party after all this shit is over.

Oh, uh, Merry Christmas.  Commander Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, DEC 27, 2186 CE  13:00 Hrs.  LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

I need a massage.

And a goddamn drink.

I feel like I’ve been hit by a fucking truck, but then again that could just be the fucking Reaper.

[…]

Still got off better than Legion, though.

I…I honestly don’t know how to feel about that.  It wasn’t - he wasn’t alive per se, and he’s still kind of with us, I guess?  I’m not really big on all this philosophical shit. If I’m being honest I still don’t understand the Geth completely but I do know none of this would’ve been possible without Legion.  Hell, we owe him everything.

First the Genophage, and now a Quarian-Geth alliance?

I’m retiring after all of this is over.  Maybe get a place on The Citadel, just me and Garrus.  No Normandy, no fighting.  Just the two of us… maybe more, I dunno.  We haven’t talked about that or anything yet but… I know he’d make a great dad.

Ha!  Big, dumb Turian’s domesticized me!

[…]

I think I’m going to join Tali for drinks later.  She’ll help me get my head on straight about all this. Plus the Normandy’s due for some new retrofits.  Maybe this shore leave will be normal…but then again, probably not.

Heh, I’ll get to rest one of these days!

Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, DEC 29, 2186 CE. 17:30 Hrs.  LOCATION: SILVERSUN STRIP PENTHOUSE, CITADEL.

I honestly don’t really feel right taking shore leave right now.  A nap, sure.  Just some fucking shut-eye!  I know Anderson practically ordered it, and he was nice enough to give me his apartment for the time being.  He says it’s mine permanently, but I will drag that old man back kicking and screaming once this is all over if I have to!

[…]

Heh…Well, I did say I wanted a place on the Citadel.

And this place is...well, it's nicer than anything I've ever owned.  Heh, maybe I won't retire if this is what Admiral pay can get me.

[…]

Still, I don’t think I can just lay back and relax knowing he’s down there fighting for his life right now.  Whether he orders it or not.

But I better go, I can mope around later.  Joker’s waiting. And sushi and sake don't sound too bad right about now, especially if the Alliance is paying.

Commander Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, DEC 29, 2186 CE. 19:00 Hrs.  LOCATION: WARDS MARKETPLACE.

Son of a bitch! Can I not go one goddamn day without someone trying to kill me?!  And God, why the fuck did I wear heels?!

COMMANDER’S LOG, DEC 30, 2186 CE. 23:45 Hrs.  LOCATION: SILVERSUN STRIP PENTHOUSE, CITADEL.

At this point, I don’t know how anything surprises me anymore.  I mean, it’s nothing new that people want to kill me, but this is the first time I’ve had direct help from The Alliance.  Even if Brooks does seem a little green behind the ears…

And I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a nice evening, well, other than the host turning up dead.  I’m not usually one for casinos, but a casino stakeout?  It’s kinda right up my alley, don’t you think?

And Garrus…well, he really cleans up nice.  I think I’m going to have to convince him to wear a suit more often.  Black looks good on him.  Maybe I’ll have to pull him away to the bedroom before Brooks and EDI can decrypt those drives and…Oh, um.

Ahem.

Official Log, Jane.  Save it for the boyfriend.

[off-screen voice identified:Dr. Liara T'Soni]  Jane? We’re ready.

Sounds like they’ve found something anyway.  Oh well.  I’ll have plenty of time to sweep that big, dumb Turian off his feet once we find out who’s behind all this.

Commander Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, JAN 1, 2187 CE. 02:00 Hrs. LOCATION: [UNKNOWN], CITADEL ARCHIVES.

I have a clone.  A fucking clone.  And Brooks, that bitch.  I’m going to knock both of them into the next millennium.  Just...as soon as we get out of here.

[…]

Why can’t my life ever be normal?

[…]

Garrus, do I really sound like that?

[off-screen voice identified: General Garrus Vakarian] Shep, is that really important right now?

Yes, this is important, now answer the question!

[G.G.V.]  Ash, you want to help me out here?

[off-screen voice identified: Lieutenant-Commander Ashley Williams] I plead the fifth.

I should go.  I should go.  I should - no, you know what, I’m not even getting into it.  Glyph, can you get us out of here?

[…]

Happy fucking New Year! 

Shepard, out.

Literally.

COMMANDER’S LOG, JAN 5, 2187 CE. 09:00 Hrs. LOCATION: SILVERSUN STRIP PENTHOUSE, CITADEL.

Babe, could you grab me some Tylenol from the medicine cabinet, please?  No, it’s the red and blue capsules. Oh please, I know Turians aren’t colorblind!  It’s the, no to the left… Garrus, I’m not applying medi-gel to a hangover!

Sorry, my head is pounding.  Man, it’s too early for this.

Last night was - oh, thanks babe - kinda wild.  I mean, who else can say they killed their clone then threw the craziest house party ever?  I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t think I could drink a Krogan under a table, but based on how Wrex is still passed out on the floor in my kitchen…

Believe me, I’m aware of how fucked up it is.  I…try not to think about it too much.

Heh.

I needed this shore leave more than I realized.

[off-screen voice identified: General Garrus Vakarian] Y ou know everyone has to rest sometime, right?

Yes, Garrus I know that, but you forget who you’re dating.

[G.G.V.] How could I ever forget? I’m dating THE Jane Shepard, after all! Hero of the Citadel, vanquisher of The Collectors, and - Ow, hey!

Ah ha, ah ha - shut it, Archangel.  Oh, hey - before we go, do you want to hit up that casino again?  Y’know, not undercover this time?  Maaaybe try out that first date role play we’ve been throwing around?  Ha!  Don’t give me that look, mister.  We can talk about it after breakfast.  Now go wake James up.  I’m dying for some eggs.  Ha.  Ha.  You too, now go. 

[…]

Ah, I don’t know what I would do without that Turian.

[…]

I think I’m going to call my mom before heading back to The Normandy. I want her opinion on…something.  A question I’ve kinda been rolling around in my head, but I can’t really go into too much detail with that big, dumb Turian close enough to possibly hear.   Huh, y'know, now that I think about it, I haven’t really gotten to talk to her much since all this started.  Hell, I don’t think I’ve talked to her since before Earth got hit...

Oh, shit she’s going to kill me!  Shepard, out!

COMMANDER’S LOG,  JAN 10, 2187 CE.  11:00 Hrs. LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

I swear to god, everyone’s got a secret.

First, the Salarians try to bribe me into sabotaging the Genophage, then Udina goes and screws the pooch - Lord knows if humanity will ever recover from that political shit storm - then Quarians drop the whole ‘we’re at war’ bullshit in my lap and don’t even get me started on the whole [redacted] crap Dr. Bryson roped me into that still makes my head feel like it’s going to split in two, and now - now the fucking Asari are sitting on an artifact that could’ve possibly kept all this shit from happening in the first place!  Ugh, Honestly, the Krogan are the only ones who haven’t been keeping something from me, and from where I’m standing, I’m beginning to see why they want to kill everyone else in the galaxy most days!

[…]

UGH!  Shepard, out!

[…]

Where’s my boyfriend?  I need to fucking blow off some steam before I put my fist through the hull.  Garrus, can you come up to my cabin, please?  Yeah.  Oh, and…bring the chafing cream?  Thanks, babe.

[…]

Oh, shit, is this thing still recording?

COMMANDER’S LOG, JAN 16, 2187 CE.  04:00 Hrs. LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

[…]

I, uh…Ahem.  I just received a vid comm from Admiral Hacket, and uh…they...

[…]

[…]

They got my mom.

Those Reaper bastards got my fucking mom.

[…]

I’m going to fucking kill every last one of the mother fuckers.

[…]

COMMANDER’S LOG, JAN 20, 2187 CE.  20:00 Hrs. LOCATION: SANCTUARY, HORIZON.

Y’know, every time I think Cerberus can’t sink any lower, they just have to go and make me eat my words.

I can’t believe I ever worked with those sons of bitches - Collectors be damned, what Cerberus is doing is just as bad.  The only thing is they got enough people to come willingly that this shit went on for far longer than it should have with no one questioning just what the hell was going on here.  Between the fucked up shit they were pulling here and on Omega with those Adjutant nightmares…

God, all those poor people…

I’m so sick of running.  It’s time to take things to them.

I am going to rip that base apart, and then I am putting a bullet between the Illusive Man eyes once and for all.

Commander Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, JAN 23, 2187 CE  06:30 Hrs.  LOCATION: COMMANDER'S QUARTER'S, NORMANDY.

He wasn’t there, the coward.  Ran off somewhere to hide no doubt, but I’m going to find him.  For Miranda.  For everyone we lost on the Citadel.  For Thane.

I’m not going to lie, gutting Kai Lang felt good.

I wanted him to suffer like I suffered.  Like Miranda suffered.  Like Thane suffered.

At least he’s dead now.

Now all that’s left is The Reapers.  God, I hope we can get there in time.

Commander Shepard, out.

COMMANDER’S LOG, JAN 26, 2187 CE.  [Time Stamp Corrupted, Location Corrupted]

I’m not 100% certain where I am.  Somewhere in the arms, I think.

Jesus, it reeks in here.  There’s b-bodies everywhere, a-and, oh Christ! I’m singed all to hell.  That beam fucked me up good. T-t-ore right through my p-p-plating.

I sure hope there aren’t any Reaper troops up here.  My shields are fried and I don’t know how well I can handle this pistol right now - my hand is burned to absolute shit.  Hell, I’m n-not even sure if this thing will fire anymore - it’s beyond fucked up t-t-too.

I -

I -

I - sh-shi-itt is this-ss thing record-ding?

[Note - connection momentarily lost.]

[…]

Ah, there we go.

[…]

Jesus, is that a keeper?

What the actual fu-fu-[unintelligible].

[…]

There’s a light up ahead, and if I-I’m right I should be nearing the control panel to get these arms open for the catalyst.

[…]

If this is it…G-Garrus, you can have my Black Widow.

[Note - several minutes of footage were corrupted.  Possible gunfire.  This log has been edited for clarity.]

We did it.  We finally did it.  The Illusive Man is dead.

I’m not sorry to see that twisted bastard go, but…he almost reminded me of Saren at the end.  He wanted so much to do the right thing that he couldn’t see just how messed up he’d become.

[…]

Is that what people see when they look at me?

Jesus, I don’t even want to think about that…

We got the arms open, and I can hear Hackett in my comms saying the Crucible is docking.  I only hope it does its job…whatever the hell that is.

[…]

I’m alone up here.

Anderson’s gone.  Even to the end, he had to play hero.  God d-da-[unintelligible] it, Anderson.  You promised Kahlee you’d come back to her.  Y-you promised.

Just like I-I…

Oh, god, Garrus…

Garrus, I’m…I’m so sorry. I know I promised but…I don’t think…look, I’m not going to make it back.  I don’t think I get to cheat death more than once.  That just wouldn’t be fair.

The Normandy is yours.

The Alliance is going to try to say otherwise, I’m sure, but they can kiss my ass.  Hackett owes me…owes me that much.  And you know the crew will be right by your side.  Just don’t be too hard on the old girl, huh?  We’ve been through a lot, her and I…

I - Oh, shit that hu-hurts!  I’m, uh…I’m losing a lot of blood.  Think I’m getting kinda loopy off it…Fuck, I’m out of medi-gel…

[…]

[…]

Sorry, it kinda hurts to breathe.  And my eyelids are getting really heavy.

Hell, I’m even starting to see some kind of…no.  Oh ho ho, no way.

Heh - oh, fuck it hurts to laugh, shit.

[…]

Is this what they mean when they talk about the white light at the end?  Or am I just hallucinating from the pain?

No, wait… we’re moving… and I think I see… wait… is that… the kid?

Look, I’m not sure what’s waiting for me on the other side but at least we finally put a stop to all of this.

After all this time, it’s finally over.

God, Garrus, I don’t even know if you’re alive.  I don’t know if any of you are, if the Normandy got clear in time or if they got you to Chakwas in time, I just - 

[…]

Either way, I’ll be waiting for you at the bar.

[…]

I love you, Garrus.

Jane Shepard…out.

END LOGS

Garrus,

I have been in contact with Admiral Hackett.  The Alliance is still recovering Earth and there is a lot of rubble to pick through.  They have yet to find a body, but if anything is found, he promised you would be the one to receive Shepard’s tags.  I, myself, hold out hope that we may yet see her again.  She has cheated death once before, and Shepard has never been one to disappoint.  In any case, once Earth is habitable again, he would like us and Tali to attend a formal ceremony to accept our Stars of Terra…and one for Shepard, as well. Tali and I have already spoken, and we agree you should be the one to accept it on her behalf and we won’t take no for an answer.

My sources also tell me that your name has been put forth for Spectre candidacy again, but we can discuss that at length later. What I am really writing to tell you is this:  Hackett is honoring Shepard’s final wishes - the Normandy is yours, Garrus.   And I know I speak for the whole crew when I say we are at your service, Commander Vakarian.

P.S. I did what I could, but The Alliance is keeping any information pertaining to Shepard locked tight - even for me. This personal log was all I was able to get my hands on thus far, but I think it’s the one Jane would want you most to see. 

Should you need me, I will always be here for you, Garrus. Your friend, Liara

JANE SHEPARD, PERSONAL LOG, JAN 6, 01:30 Hrs. LOCATION: SILVERSUN STRIP PENTHOUSE, CITADEL.

So…Garrus took me dancing tonight.

Well, we met for drinks, actually.  Just wanted to get a night at the casino where we weren’t trying to solve a major mystery.  Did the whole ‘first date’ role play we’d joked about forever and oh ho ho oh my god!  It took him a second, which was precious as hell, but he finally got the hang of it.  Well, after putting his foot in his mouth about the other Turian who wouldn’t stop undressing him with her eyes.  Ugh.  Whatever.  He came home with me, not her.  And I mean, I was expecting it to be kinda fun, but…damn.  He got me dancing!  Me!  And it was actually fun and not embarrassing at all, and I don’t know where Garrus found the time to learn how to tango - and I don’t know how I didn’t step on his toes every five seconds - and the sex after that?  I mean my god, the things that Turian can do, I-ahem.

Personal log or not, I think if I get too into that I’d have to pull him right back in here.  And he’s cleaning up now, so I don’t have a lot of time.  I don’t know when I’ll get another chance like this, but…I want to get this down somewhere.

[…]

I really think I love him.

Like in a way I haven’t loved anyone before.

I know we don't say it much, and I don’t want him to feel rushed or anything, but…I meant it when I said I was ready to be a one Turian woman.

If we both survive all this shit…I’m going to ask him to marry me.

There’s no one else in the galaxy I can see by my side.  Hell, there’s no one else in the galaxy I can see putting up with my shit long enough to stay at my side, but…Garrus has been here from the beginning.  He’s never hesitated, never balked, just stepped up and asked where I needed him.

He’s…far better than I deserve.

I know this isn’t 'the way it’s done’ or whatever, but when have I ever been one for the conventional approach?  Liara helped me get my hands on his father’s information.  Castis didn’t seem completely shocked by it, which is a relief, and he actually seemed pretty glad to meet me.  Said he’s heard a lot about me, which is, heh, concerning knowing Garrus.  I’m shocked he didn’t immediately hang up on the rogue Spectre vigilante who corrupted his beloved son, actually.  I mean, I know he wasn’t expecting the call, what with the end of the galaxy being front and center, and he sure as shit wasn’t expecting me to pour my heart out, but… I think I kind of got his blessing? 

Look, I know it’s crazy, but all I know is I want to spend the rest of my life with him, however long that is.

There’s no guarantee that both of us will come out of this war alive.  Lord knows he’d follow me into literal hell, but I don’t want to ask that of him.

I just…I’m not sure how to end this, actually.  But it sounds like he’s finishing up in the shower, so I should do the same.

Liara will get her hands on this if something happens to me, so…if I don’t make it back from whatever mess I’ve gotten myself into this time…you know what to do T'soni.

[…]

Ahem.

[…]

Garrus, you mean everything to me.  I would never have been able to make it this far without you.  When things seemed impossible, you were right there to pull me out of my own funk, and you let me in after you had been given every reason not to trust me again.  I know you’ll be there with me when we take back Earth, so…thank you.  I don’t know what I did to deserve a Turian like you, but believe me, I thank my lucky stars each and every day.  I love you, Garrus Vakarian, my big, dumb Turian.  With all my heart.

[off-screen voice identified: General Garrus Vakarian] Hey, what’re you up to?

Hey, babe.  Oh, nothing, just finishing up a, uh, log.

[G.G.V.] You alright? You look a little anxious. Anything bothering you?

Oh, nothing important, just getting some thoughts down before it’s too late. 

[G.G.V.] C'mon, Shepard. Would it kill you not to be fatalistic for two seconds?

Ha!  Tell you what, Archangel.  I’ll stop being fatalistic when you stop brooding.

[G.G.V.] Hmmm…if I seem to recall correctly, you liked the brooding. Now, would you care to join your brooding stranger with the killer voice in bed once more?

Hmmm, well when you put it like that, how can I refuse?  Ah! Garrus, don’t that tickles!

[G.G.V.] That’s the idea, gorgeous.

Heh, Go on, you! I’ll be there in a minute.

[G.G.V.] I’ll be counting the seconds!

[...]

I’m not sure when I’ll ask him, but…hopefully, soon it’ll be Commander Jane Vakarian…Heh, I like the sound of that.

Until then - I should go.

Commander Shepard, out.

A/N: So this fic was over a year in the making. A LOT of work went into it, and a lot of (borderline obsessive0 attention to detail went into it. I've never written anything in this format, and I wanted it to be basically all dialogue & I feel I accomplished that. It's very dear to me and it took me a while to get it to where I felt it was right to post. I know I missed the legendary release & N7 day, but I hope you guys enjoyed it! And to the newbies that found their way to the fandom with the re-release: welcome! We're happy to have you, and I hope you enjoy this crazy, beautiful world as much as I have over the years. 💙

[spacevixen2024]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Mass Effect Trilogy Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Shepard Characters: Kaidan Alenko, Female Shepard (Mass Effect) Additional Tags: Humor, One Shot, Challenges Summary:

Shepard finds some thirsty messages about Kaidan on an extranet forum and reads them to him.

[nothisis-ridiculous]

Duplicity

An AU where Kaidan joins Cerberus for the events of ME2.

Chapter Nine: Of Explosions, Traps, and Thresher Maws

"Who did you blow to get access back?"

Mary looked up from the safety of the relatively stationary floor of the shuttle. This wasn't a day where the nausea meds worked to full effect, but she could suffer through a grin, "Illusive Man didn't appreciate Leng's interference with our mission."

"What a bosh'tet."

"You should still avoid him, if possible."

"Come on, Shep! Give me a reason to smear him against the cargo bay walls," Jack retorted with a smug grin.

Tali huffed, "I can take care of myself!"

Mary rubbed at her temples, focusing again on the grooves in the flooring, "we might be pushing it already."

"As I said," Jack sighed, "it's an empty facility. Since when did you give a fuck about what Cerberus thinks? Did you drink Cheerleader's kool-aid?"

"I jumped at the idea of blowing up this facility if my urgency was not noted," she retorted, "and only if it was cherry flavored. Unfortunately, it tastes like watered down orange."

"You're fucking weird."

"I'm sure someone likes orange flavoring."

"And they would be wrong, and besides, have you ever tasted orange?"

"That's beside the point, Shepard."

"Why is the bastard even here?" Jack interjected, becoming the voice of reason.

Mary puffed out her cheeks, "he was elusive about it. Leng mentioned something about a confidentiality breach. Tali, did you try and hack their systems?"

Tali shook her head, "if I did, they wouldn't have caught me."

Shepard grinned.

"Cerberus has the entire Normandy bugged, and not to mention that AI. I wouldn't do something like that without you knowing about it."

Mary nodded, "I thought so. If I wanted to get rid of those bugs, what would I need to do?"

Tali went silent.

"Way to ruin your plan," the biotic gently mocked.

"Who is Kai Leng to you?"

Jack leaned back in her seat with a growing scowl, "him and some Cerberus bitch tried to capture me. It didn't happen, but some mercs got me instead."

"That explains how you got to Purgatory," Mary murmured in response.

Jack shrugged, not interested in further explaining that particular defeat.

"Please be careful with him; even Miranda seemed spooked," she cautioned gently.

"Cerberus has really got you by the balls."

The blond flinched, "I'll have you know I ignored an urgent message from the Illusive Man to bring you here." It was a poor attempt at a deflection; everyone aboard the Normandy knew about her history with a certain crewmate. Worse was the presence of nearly every friend she had left in the galaxy. Most brought in by her. She had no doubts that the Collecter threat was overly sensationalized, but for the time being, it what her only option in stopping the threat. Anderson had seen the threat for himself, but whether or not he could help remained unknown partially because she was afraid of a formal admonishing.

"I forgot how much I hate this place."

~~~

"Shepard-- we caught a break."

Predictably, the break was a trap. Mary wasn't liking the new habit of trampling through her ship in armour fresh from a fight. Or how annoyingly composed the Illusive Man always was, even in her impromptu meeting, he was waiting with a cigarette and drink in hand. The bastard knew what he had done. Worse, he was ready for her to explode.

"In the meantime... I suggest you tell your crew I didn't risk their lives unnecessarily," whether or not the microscopic curl of his lip was imagined in the end, "it would make things easier going forward."

"I'll tell them the truth, screw this half-truth bullshit," Mary leaned back on her heel, folding her arms.

"Our reports missed the petulant child side of you," he took a long drag, flicking away the butt, "can't you see this was necessary."

"Not in the way you handled it."

His pupils narrowed as he stared at her, mouth kept in a thin line. Boldened by this slip, Mary pushed it, "you'll be lucky to have my crew after this."

"Who, exactly, is going to help you? The council already dismissed you once. The Alliance doesn't care about the humans in the Terminus Systems," his posture and blank expression returned, "unless you don't care about the abducted colonies and the Reaper threat anymore."

"Fuck you!"

He issued a long and drawn-out chuckle, "I expected better behavior from you, Shepard. Be an adult, and put aside your petty grievances. You need me to stop this threat."

The coldness pierced her heart first, spreading through her veins with incredible speed until it froze the tip of her fingers. The frigidity of her body forcing her face in a neutral expression, "Akuze was no petty grievance, you conniving prick."

She couldn't lose much more face, so stomping off without a pause was well within her wheelhouse.

"Mary?"

Kaidan knew that look, not that he had to be blocking her way to read it. The emotionless mask was there for only a select few emotions, and all urged him to reach out. Whatever it was, at least meant he wouldn't have to explain why he hovered around the briefing room. He stood his ground, allowing her the time to breathe before he attempted to pry it out of her. Eventually, her shoulders dropped for the briefest moment before squaring back up.

"Talk to me," Kaidan murmured gently, "what happened out there?"

Shepard's posture had corrected, but the mask had yet to fall. Moving him into unfamiliar territory, so he waited for her to speak. Timidly, slowly, placing his hand on her pauldron once the time elapsed into the space of no response.

"Shepard," he called.

First, her body lurched forward, he instinctively moved to pull her in, but the arm that reached around him corrected course and shoved him aside. Perhaps a little harshly, as his back met the metal wall of the hallway. Finally, the mask slipped, catching the moment her eyes filled with regret that morphed with the half-assed raising of her arms, "it was a trap."

Mary spun away to the right, sputtering another few choice words as Mordin collided with her across the opening doorway.

"Go get Grunt ready; we're headed to Tuchanka."

~~~

"You've had a lot more poker practice, Alenko," the turian mused in defeat.

"Back then, I was never invited," the biotic returned snidely.

"Only because Shepard took you everywhere," Tali added wistfully, "you were both so moony-eyed."

"Is that your excuse for always losing, Vakarian?" Kaidan grinned, fighting a bittersweet blush, "careful Tali, you'll start slipping."

"You were all formally crewmates?" Thane finally decided to speak from his corner of the mess hall table. His gaze lingered longer on the human. The other two were obviously connected to Shepard. His short time aboard the Normandy, he hardly saw the Commander and this man in the same room.

The human's next smile a little less forced, "yeah. With Joker at the helm. Those were crazy days."

"Much simpler times, just chasing a rogue spectre across the galaxy."

Tali hummed, "it felt more heroic back then."

"To hell with Cerberus," the man muttered.

Thane stood from his seat, this talk of the past making him feel further like a stranger in this group. Why Officer Alenko had invited him in the first place was a mystery, he hadn't attempted to speak with anyone. Not out of malice but out of desire. Shepard's words about him socializing with the crew to find meaning the sole reason he attempted this game.

The three looked up at him in unison.

"We can change the game."

"You can just stay and talk if you want."

"Look at you guys scaring away the new blood."

Thane glanced between the group; they were a good sort. He shrugged in an effort not to disappoint them, returning to his seat; he had little else of import to do.

"How about a game of go fish?"

The turian turned to the man, "isn't that a children's game?"

"I thought keeping your credits would be an enticing offer," Kaidan returned smugly.

"I already owe you a small fortune when you do decide to collect," the turian drawled, "might not be wise to encourage you to do so."

"I'm banking on interest too, Garrus."

"You would," Garrus chuckled, his eyes sweeping to the quarian, "but Tali, I've always wondered why your faceplate is tinted. Doesn't that distort your vision?"

"Garrus my e-"

Grunt barrelled by the table, taking the L2's attention with him. Adding biotics to the already large Krogan only increased his appetite, especially after a fight. The youngster looked pleased, settling down at the table with whatever was easiest to sweep into his arms—tearing into the still bagged loaf of bread sideways, the group watching with mixed reactions.

"Grunt," Tali was the first to scold, "you should be a little more careful."

"He's just a growing boy, Tali," Garrus replied.

The krogan looked up and around the table with a sheepish grin, "I am a boy no longer. I have passed the rite, and with my battle master, have defeated a thresher maw! You should be in awe!"

"That's no small feat-" Thane finding himself suddenly the chatty one.

"It was glorious! A worthy opponent. So big and in your face," Grunt continued to gloat through mouthfuls of bread and plastic.

"And Shepard?" the man dared to ask.

"The best battle master. Our enemies should be afraid!"

"Was she upset?" Tali pressed.

"No- she fought bravely."

Garrus was next to speak, "nothing odd?"

The krogan groaned, "she fought well. So well, she was too tired to speak."

Kaidan shuffled from his chair, hesitating as the turian and quarian took turns locking eyes with him, "am I supposed to sit here and do nothing?"

"I wouldn't test her patience."

Tali folded her arms, "what could you even do? Guilt trip her again?"

"Ouch," Kaidan flinched, running a hand through his hair, "I deserved that one."

Grunt looked around the table, cocking his head to the side. Thane went still, achieving a far better understanding of the situation than the confused krogan. Until Miranda, followed by Kai Leng burst from the second officer's office, both beelined for the elevator. Garrus, Tali, and Kaidan moved to intercept the pair.

"Out of our way," the Cerberus assassin seethed.

"Do you have a death wish?" Garrus tried to defuse him with humor and a well-intentioned claw on his shoulder. It did not work; the man's eyes only narrowed the anger held in his posture, doubling.

"Keep your dirty talons off of me, bird!"

Tali pulled Garrus back, allowing Kaidan to get in the way.

"That wasn't necessary," the biotic stated bluntly.

Leng rolled his eyes, "and neither is whatever fit Shepard is having in the elevator."

"So you're going to make it worse by demanding she stop?"

"Kaidan, we can't let her damage the ship," Miranda added gently.

"Yeah, I know," Kaidan sighed, rubbing at his temples, "but she won't. I don't think she will, anyway. It's her way of coping."

"By letting off biotic charges?"

"Yeah, I know, but has she damaged anything?"

EDI piqued up, "damage remains cosmetic."

Miranda placed her hands on her hips, "well, this is why we hired you, Alenko. Make her stop, or we'll be forced to act."

"Next time, a little warning after she's faced a Maw would help."

~~~

Riding through the elevator of the Normandy was an old pastime. Something about being crammed into a small space with blank walls let her think. About the good, about the bad, about anything that needed her consideration, really. She had spent hours in the old elevator; they moved much too quickly in the new ship. With more floors and staff came more distractions.

Usually, it involved much less biotic discharge, but this time that display kept the peace. The strain to keep it contained and from flaring too brightly occupied her mind pushed out the thing... the creature... that kept trying to wedge back in her mental space. Pulling it all back in, only characterized by a faint aura around her form, was another challenge. She kept her back to the person.

Ignoring it until the crinkling of a bag pulled her attention.

The opened bag revealing the light reddish-brown contents within, "I thought you might be hungry."

She looked Kaidan up and down, resting on his gentle gaze. Why was she so stubborn? Was he really so different? Did who he worked for matter? She couldn't pretend that all she saw of Cerberus was bad. She trusted Jacob- he had many of the same qualms she did about the organization but continued under their banner without compromising his morals. Her work was good fighting to protect the galaxy from the Reaper threat. Sure at the moment, it felt solely based on saving humans from the Collector threat, but they were only a tiny piece of the problem. She saw no shift in Kaidan, despite the things he had done after she passed. The same integrity, the same aggravating calm, the same compassion.

Perhaps she was unfair. What would she do to bring back the man she loved?

Huh, love was a funny feeling—a light but at the same time heavy notion.

Fuck this.

Fuck the forced distance.

If they were going to die, why waste what could be their last moments together?

"Kaidan."

Pushing the chips aside, she wriggled her way into his arms. A hand threaded through her still damp hair, his nose pressing into the top of her skull. The other arm supported the small of her back, cradling her in gently. Mary breathed in his familiar scent, no different than the man she knew two years ago. It was this easy. Some, but not all, of her worries faded into the background. She had missed physical comfort.

"Wrex was there," it was all she could offer.

Kaidan's chest rumbled, the patch pressed against her forehead an unwelcomed annoyance. A reminder. Hot and blinding, the logo was all she could focus on as it rubbed against her.

Maybe she was weak, but she could not separate the horror from the uniform.

He let her escape without a fuss, leaving him empty-handed.