#fellated by eternity

[shredsandpatches]

I just got completely roasted by the rest of the chorus for saying that the only two movies I like Eddie Redmayne in were Les Mis and Jupiter Ascending

[shinelikethunder]

You mentioned in one of ur posts abt dunking on agents of shield and im so curious what writing you were talking abt (genuine question i love AOS but i’m bad at recognising bad writing lmao and i’m nosy)

under a readmore because AoS is one of the few bad shows i've ever given enough fucks about to outright fucking loathe

i made it through all of, like, two seasons before i ragequit, so i can't speak to anything it did afterwards, but i am always down to clown on those two seasons for being creepy culty police-state apologia, having one of the most egregious cases i've ever seen of "entire fictional universe contorted into a rube goldberg machine whose sole job is to frantically prop up a shambling putrid mess of protagonist-centric morality," spending its CA:TWS tie-in throwing spite tantrums at the whole movie for having the gall to suggest that Maybe The Real Tyranny Was The Post-9/11 Security State We Built Along The Way, devolving from mediocre but serviceable case-of-the-week in s1 to undifferentiated arc-plot mush in s2...

like i know the fandom likes to wank eternally about Ward, but he was at most a moderately entertaining symptom of a show that never met a jackboot it didn't want to fellate sloppy style, yet lacked the skill to even make a point except by flinging ever-more-ludicrous strawmen at the screen. its tragedy was always that the characters were just likeable enough to make you wanna scoop them up and find them a forever home on a show that was slightly less dogshit.

obviously different people watch shows for different reasons and get completely different things out of them; i assume AoS fans have their own aspects they're invested in, likely involving the characters and having very little to do with the show's politics. i'm not accusing them of anything except, like, dubious collective taste in character-centric flamewars. but i cannot watch it without going into a white-hot rage and wasting more words on it than it deserves, and my mid-2010s back catalog of stupid fucking hills to die on includes "my reasons for finding this show rancid may not be relevant to your viewing priorities, but they are an unassailably fucking valid reading of those first couple of seasons."

[assortedasurathings]

Gonna say

I find it Absolutely Hilarious How short-term Anet's Memory is. Did they forget designing Rata Primus ? The fact that the inquest contained and controlled dragon magic WITHOUT Having to have an elder dragon tell them how to do it?

Did they forget how Xunlai's designs were all based on older asura golems and work? did they forget how much buggier and unreliable Jade tech is?

So much buggier and so much more unreliable that that lady from one of the Ministries that goes on a world Tour Was absolutely flabbergasted to realize that Rata Sum has been flying for maybe Centuries and Has never experienced a single Power Hiccup??? Anet. Honeybun, Sweetie, no, The Canthans are not more advanced than Asura kind. They never will be. The ONE trait you gave asura is that they're the most advanced species on Tyria in terms of Magitech. And no amount of having Zojja write differently in her Journal will change that. Stop Fellating Humans. Stop trying desperately to make them the center of everything. Let. Other. Races. Exist. For. Once. You gave the humans the Centerpoint of the Sylvari Expansion You made ALL of POF about human lore and humans. You made the ICEBROOD SAGA forsake both Charr AND Norn at the same time by making humans the pivotal lynchpin in the war over the NORN dragon that the NORN didn't even get to be involved in beyond Braham. And of course, now in SoTo , You've finally managed to realize that other races exist... And STILL do everything you can to stroke off and praise the Literal Worst Race on Tyria. The Colonizers. The " Manifest Destiny But Real " . The guys who did everything they can to push other people off of their land. And then Blew up their Citizens to damn the Land to Eternal conflict once they lost. A fate literally worse than death . to be killed and reformed for eternity. Tyria does not revolve around humans. Neither should the story.

[radio-charlie]

Don't you dare play this game now you shameless little fuck lol. The disillusionment of Arab voters is perfectly understandable but acting like the left is uwu smol bean whose collective failures hadn't destroyed their power to pressure ANY candidate stopped being convincing years ago. Every candidate, including your problematic fave Jill Stein, has to fellate Israel because that is exactly how powerful the Zionist lobby is. It stands unopposed by its self-proclaimed enemies because half of you sold your own to the butcher.

It's always someone else's fault ya? Your broken, zombified, terminally infiltrated and self-interested left is never to blame. You can't even resolve the eternal question of which call-outs are weapons of the state and you want to blame everybody else for not thinking you're worth listening to.

[ghaniblue]

Prison Break: the Black Brothers edition

You know what I want? I want a fic where Regulus survives the war and breaks Sirius out of Azkaban, because Sirius betraying his best friend in the whole world is the stupidest idea Regulus has ever heard. His brother would never. Of couse he was framed, what moron would think otherwise. Sorry not sorry, Remus.

And Sirius would be all, "I'd rather be fellated by Dementors every night than owe you one". And Regulus would be all, "that can be arranged. Now shut up. If I get caught and have to spend eternity locked in a cell with you, I'll never forgive you." And then they would glare daggers at each other but escape into the sunset (to hunt down a rat together, Remus can come too).

That's what I want.

[bocchithegrappler]

a boring literary analysis

cannot, the sea; see and be a bee for me—

criminal arpeggio, hypnotic scene that

which a cowling cowering cowardly accosting

does compute (or minutely dilute)

to corpse-like communion among dead-eyed, snare-pickled hares;

no hair, a pair, and pear for pared comparing snares?

"Cannot, the sea" refers to my often-referenced fear of the sea; I am also deathly afraid of bees, which falls under the same category of things I am afraid of. A criminal arpeggio is an illegal progression of broken notes--broken choices that are denied by society (such as are the parts of my identity that are derided)--and a hypnotic scene (as well as the subsequent line) are referential to those who are so absorbed in meaningless arguments that fall under the criminal arpeggios that they serve little more than to be slack-jawed morons with stunted empathy and understanding of critical thinking. This is also continued by my comparison of those myopic jackals (ie, society at large) that are indeed already dead through their refusal to just leave people alone, before ending with a line continuing the motif of music throughout the first section.

timorous tomfooling, said tail-minded tactless terragon;

abreasted thrice as an opined swan,

commence which startling stalking stone—

another and another begat a throne;

auld skillet, you millet, a filet of hay

perchance a mocking, peacocking, frolicking bray?

This begins with another jab at the aforementioned pedantic methods of interacting with the world that most folk have; timorous tomfooling is what is given in response to the discussion of identity, given most by 'tall-minded tactless terragon' (terragon is also known by the term 'estragon,' the symbolism of which should hopefully at least be apparent) and the opined swan is a furtherance of this insult, with respect to how all three mainline sides of belief (in at least my experience) in america truly only care about their own opinions being shouted louder over the others. Stones are a reference to stoning (or being stoned), the amount of which--if enforced correctly--can lead one to fame and/or a position of power through the killing of those 'timorous tomfoolers,' of which I am a part. The old skillet is a method of cooking, either of which being the millet or filet of hay; the final line is referencing these tactless teragons and further useless, swanning mantises who speak either to hear themselves talk or to drown out the voices of others.

cackle, o moon, frank-footed fortune flume—

tamed mane of saints, pull at yoked collars

as a mewling dog (that which you are)

and retain no stain—amain, amain—

create, permeate, fellate the slate

pedantic shmuck, lackadaisical fuck!

The moon, far removed from the useless mess of pointless people that is existence, laughs down at us. A frank-footed fortune flume is the idea that true change (either personal or at a larger level) will only ever be achieved through luck or some other version of fate. Saints as collared dogs is both referencing my eternal hatred of organized religion as well as my own struggle with religious trauma that at times restricts (or restricted) the way that I thought and understood the world. 'Retain no stain' is, of course, talking about the inability for those scrutinized so fiercely to make a single mistake, lest they be added to the list of those to be euthanized for national pride. 'Create, permeate, fellate the slate' references the everlong (good song) struggle of those less fortunate that they must be beneficial (or otherwise prove their worth) to avoid the same fate above; the last line is both speaking to me, as well as those who do not understand the point of what I'm saying.

finally, 'Perfidy' is defined as "Deliberate breach of faith; calculated violation of trust; treachery" meaning that the entire point of this poem is to hide a story from the reader. In other words, I as the writer am not your friend. In fact, the only time I express anger as a person is when it is directed at my audience via writing; most people write as though it is a dance between reader and writer, a waltz or a mambo or what have you; when I write I am attempting to beat the shit out of my audience via my words and the inability to understand them that inherently comes from how I write. You will have to claw meaning, understanding, and any other stupid and inane academic bullshit from my cold dead hands (and this is the only time I will ever explain myself). If there is no visible narrative, that means you have to go find it, not that I forgot to put it on a nice silver platter and carried it on my back to you on my hands and knees.

[88y53]

Marvel Learned the Wrong Lesson from Endgame

I've been a fan of the MCU for many years. I wouldn't say I was totally enamored with it until about Captain America: The Winter Soldier, before that, I actually hated the series; The Avengers was pretty much the exact opposite of what I wanted it to be–there was no real story to it, no real character growth, no serious threat that kept me engaged. It was wall-to-wall quips, self-referential humor, and self-congratulatory writing. It wasn't a movie so much as Marvel fellating themselves for reaching such a pivotal moment in the series.

I HATED it because of how insular it was. It wasn't interested in pushing anything forward or daring to be anything other than what it was: a movie made to make a billion dollars. [I also hated that Iron Man was presented as the true hero of the story instead of Captain America.]

Then The Winter Soldier came out and played with Captain America's status as the Ideal Hero of the MCU, and had interesting themes and critiques about surveillance culture and government overreach. Never once mocked Cap and instead played him completely straight as the kind of moral and ethical authority who definitively says "No, this is not how we do things. We're better than this!"

And this is when I think Marvel started to find the formula that worked:

Take an intriguing character

Have them go through an arc (for Cap it would be a Flat Character arc)

And use the trademark Marvel quippiness for characterization

And then we entered what I consider Marvel's either Golden or Silver Age–Guardians of the Galaxy, Age of Ultron, Ant-Man, Civil War, Doctor Strange, Black Panther, etc. etc.

All culminating in the one-two punch of Infinity War and Endgame.

It was at this point, Marvel was the undisputed King of Hollywood. Years of back-to-back movies that ranged from "Not Bad" to "Amazing" but never "Objectively Terrible." You can't buy that kind of hot streak.

After that, we transitioned into the mysterious Phase 4, which promised to be more experimental and risk-taking, which was absolutely the right way to go because think about it–Marvel was no longer in a position to play to the crowds anymore. They had the money and–more importantly–the reputation to release whatever they wanted.

This was when I thought Marvel would become more... socialist, I guess. Anyone could go to Marvel with the right drive and promise and be given blank checks to do whatever cool project they wanted to do with the treasure chest of characters they had at their disposal.

Unfortunately, that dream of creator-driven superhero projects seems to have lived and died with Eternals (which I will defend to my last breath as an amazing movie, and the last officially "good" Marvel movie).

I don't know exactly what happened by then–maybe it was a combination of COVID, stretching themselves too thin, or the weight of their own hype exceeding their abilities. Who knows? But the Marvel I was hoping for has not materialized.

I only defended these movies because I thought they were going to get better, but they haven't, and I don't know if they ever will. Sure, Wakanda Forever, GotG3, Werewolf by Night, What If, Loki, She-Hulk, and No Way Home were good, but they are more exceptions to the rule now.

And, let's be honest, No Way Home was only good through the strength of the fanservice it used. It used it expertly, and it earned its reception, but Multiverse of Madness was a similar cameo-athon, and even that couldn't salvage it.

The Marvels was probably the last straw for me. The very first MCU movie with a trio of multi-ethnic leading ladies directed by a promising female director. . . and it was bad. The entire story was in service to the action set-pieces; characters are introduced and then disappear; the actors are clearly performing in a vacuum of how the scenes fit together into the greater narrative; and its only real use is to set up Secret Wars, Deadpool, and The Kang Dynasty (which might not even come out anymore).

This cameo-reliant, CGI-focused, "fix it in Post" mentality has worn out its welcome. At least for me.

I'll still drop in from time to time just to see if Marvel's gotten out of the funk they find themselves in, but I've lost my excitement.

Marvel will have to do something really bold and risky to get me back into their corner, but they seem content to play it safe for now to get their reputation back, which is only giving their "they're rollercoasters, not art"-critics ammo to label them as soulless capitalist consumer corporate-mandated neo-liberal capeshit.

As someone who loves the superhero genre, it's hard for me to write this, but maybe it's time for the MCU to just end?

[mechanicalinertia]

Bubblegum Black Chapter 6 is now live!

I missed my monthly deadline awhile back, but never fear, dear readers! I am back on my bullshit.

Celia and Swimming: See Anatomy of a Lovedoll - hell, see the first fifteen minutes or so of the first Bubblegum Crisis OVA - to see what I'm talking about. I'm fanon-ing that Celia is a) an excellent swimmer and b) uses it as catharsis when she's feeling disraught or disregulated. It just seems like the kind of thing she'd do.

ALMs: In this future, more robust AI exist, as envinced by the existence of Boomers, but cruder language-model AI from our time are still around. With the novelty of language model-generated content having all but worn off over the decades, most megacorps now use them in ways like this, generating metalinguistic code for automated and cyborg bureaucracy to whisper to each other over the company intranet. What? I think it's a clever idea. Paperwork often does feel like it's written in a foreign language, doesn't it? Might as well formalize that.

Sylvie and enemies: Despite Sylvie being largely a character of my own creation, extrapolated from so little screentime on her part in Moonlight Rambler, there are times when I worry that I'm writing her wrong. But I think I've figured her out. She's sweet and kind and loving, yes, but she's not passive, she left that passivity behind in Anchorpoint. She's going to make sure you know what she really thinks, barely concealed behind a flimsy veil of politeness. She'll be more straightforward with her comrades in arms, of course. Yeah. The more I play with Sylvie, the more I understand how to write her. I have an idea for a big scene involving her much later down the line and it's really exciting stuff.

Thuggee: Real-ass bandits of the Indian subcontinent, a name especially prominent during the Raj and not just in the one Indiana Jones movie. I think they should show up later in the fic - the idea of exploring how everyone outside of Roanapur but entangled in Koh Chang's business lives is fascinating to me - but for now they're not a big deal.

Bharat: Hindi name for India. Apparently the quasi-fascist BJP government there wants to change its name to double down on Hindu nationalist identity as the only valid identity in a nation of over a billion people, many of whom have alternative heritages that a secular nation would better serve. You can probably guess my politics, dear reader, from some of the stuff I post, and so you can probably guess that this element - one where a Hindu nationalist legion of psychotic gurus rules - is extremely dystopian. Honestly, I think more modern cyberpunk needs to acknowledge the rise of these governments, like in Hungary and Israel and potentially America if the '24 elections go badly. They're farces whose only selling point is internal bloodshed, eternal purges and cruelty. They can't even muster up the energy national revitalization they claim is so important to them, the way the fascist scum of the 20th century built armies for genocidal Lebensraum, because it's better to just privatize public services and fellate the divine power of free-market megacorporate tyrants. Let's call these sleazy fronts for corporate control and terror postfascist, then, shall we? I really should wave this word around a bit more often, it feels appropriate for cyberpunk. Anyhoo...

Rock and Guns: I don't remember where but I swear Revy's said something like this canonically. Here, though, it takes on an alternate turn. Instead of it being about who Rock is as a person, someone fundamentally unsuited for nasty violence as delivered by his hand, it's more Revy trying to protect Rock from Balalaika being nasty towards him. That's the idea, anyway. Balalaika is right, mind you. Rock has aided and abetted killing of all sorts constantly. He's more the gun that fires Revy's bullet than the other way around at times.

Revy getting a Hardsuit: What? Did you really think for one fucking moment that I wasn't going to do this? I've said as much! And reader, let me tell you, I am excited to do it. As for Balalaika... she might get a Saber hardsuit instead of a Russian 2050's powersuit, I'm still hashing that out. We'll see how things play out.

V.V. Vladilena: Balalaika's pseudonym for controlling Bougainvillea. A little joke on her part.

VHS-5: Further iteration of the VHS Croatian assault rifle. The newer version looks pretty cool, the older version has that FAMAS clone kinda vibe... either way, the point is that it's the kind of rifle Hotel Moscow owns a lot of that isn't explicitly Russian.

Vinfast: Yes, you heard me right, Vietnam's big fancy electric car company is still kicking in the 2060's! Sure, their cars are apparently quite shit now, but so were KIA and Hyundai's cars a few decades ago and no one would accuse the mighty chaebols of making such inferior product now. They're probably still plenty cheap in the ASEAN bloc, too!

Batwoman: Does Revy know that Batwoman's a canonical lesbian? Eh. Probably not. Are DC comics and Marvel and whatnot still around by 2069? Who knows, but I know Priss namedropped Batman in OVA 7, so maybe!

D-Company: D-Company is a real thing! Apparently its founder, Dawood Ibrahim, was on the FBI's most wanted for a hot minute! Apparently they're a pretty big deal in Muslim South Asia! Or were, anyway. Why put them in here? 'Cause I just didn't feel like having the Cosa Nostra in this fic. I'm sure the Italian mafia's reach spans the globe and as such could conceivably get its tentacles into Roanapur, but I wanted something a little different, something with more regional power. As for those other Islamic crime syndicates - Somali kinship networks I think I pulled out of a reference in Walter Jon Williams' Hardwired, and the Saudis-in-exile are, well, the Saudi royal family in exile, yeeted out of their own country following a bloody post-WW3 civil war. (The Emiratis control most of the Arab peninsula now, more on them around... chapter 8 or so. Not the next chapter I mean, the one after that.)

The Big Content Warning-y Moment: Whoo. Okay. Yeah. Blood and guts and gore and now this. Don't have your kids read this fic, folks. Revy's a very very bad role model. I did have someone say who read this a few days ago that while he could understand Revy, if she kept up her act he'd drop the fic. Which is fine, because I don't intend for Revy to get much worse. This is her low point, threatening someone with some really bad shit, someone who called her out on her other shit, and now? Well, now things are gonna change in Revy's head, hopefully. We'll see how things play out, won't we?

One last thing: I'd like to apologize for missing my self-imposed monthly update deadline by almost two months. It was annoying to me. I'm not sure if it was annoying to you, dear reader. I do have another chapter waiting in the wings that's shorter and sweeter in both senses of the word. With any luck, I'll be able to get it and another chapter out by the end of December. It's not a great place to be in - I wanted the climax of this arc to show up around the end of the year - but I need more time to make that happen.

After that arc, we'll have another arc, and another and another and then the fic will reach its conclusion. I'm excited to see where I can take this. Are you?

[irlaimsaaralath]

Based on these descriptions alone, I have now decided I must watch this movie.

100 FILMS IN 2015 → Jupiter Ascending (2015) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ “I CREATE LIFE!! …And I destroy it.”

Here is my feeling about this movie: it is your garbage. It is garbage for you. “Is this how straight dudes feel at the movies all the time????” I hissed SEVERAL times during this movie. “Like someone carefully noted down your early pubescent fantasies and then threw 100 MILLION DOLLARS at them?” 

Top marks go to evil space royal Eddie Redmayne, whose breathy ennui is offset by bouts of mummy’s boy shrieking, all delivered with a “petite-mort” look on his face that suggests he is being fellated by eternity itself.

Someone on tumblr described it as the novel all girls wrote when they were 14 and frothing with a mix of swelling hormones and fading Disney fantasies, which I have to say is accurate to the point of pain. I mean, gorgeous Russian toilet scrubber finds out she is actually a space princess when a werewolf space marine rescues her from death at the hands of Greys? Pardon me, werewolf ANGEL space marine with a Sad because his wings are gone. And then everything is Alexander McQueen dresses and melodrama and bees, for some reason, and Eddie Redmayne doing his best heroin-addicted Voldemort impression.

The plot is this: the Wachowskis were given an extraordinary amount of money to make whatever the hell they wanted, and what they wanted to make is exactly what we all, secretly, deep down, want to make: the big-screen adaptation of that Stargate fanfic you wrote when you were fourteen that really went off the rails and began to inhabit its own universe, complete with original characters, wolf-men, and bees. That’s Jupiter Ascending.

[blurrymango]

This is the Codex Olé, which contains the laws to which all of us are bound within the Casa Olé, or face punishment by the Beast.

Article I

1. The Beast demands beans.

2. The Beast demands more chips.

3. The Beast demands more queso.

Article II

1. It is illegal to die in the Casa Olé. Punishment can be from life imprisonment to the life penalty.

2. It is illegal to say "The Beast demands" in the Casa Olé. Punishment is limited to 20 years in the communal dungeon.

3. It is illegal to say UwU in the Casa Olé. 20 years Cock and Ball Torture.

4. It is illegal to say OwO in the Casa Olé. Death penalty, coupled with the punishment for dying in the Casa Olé.

Article III

1. It is illegal to live in the Casa Olé. Death penalty, coupled with the maximum penalty for dying in the Casa Olé.

2. The Beast demands femboys.

3. It is illegal to be a homosexual in the Casa Olé. All homosexuals will be subject to estrogen and subsequently imprisoned in the Beast's personal dungeon.

Article IV

1. It is illegal to be male in the Casa Olé. All males caught will be subject to estrogen, and subsequently imprisoned in the Beast's personal dungeon.

2. It is illegal to be a female in the Casa Olé. All w*men caught will be cursed with a dog dick and subject to Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), given estrogen, and imprisoned in the Beast's personal dungeon.

3. The Beast resides in His secret basement below the Casa Olé with his femboy harem, where all legal matters are decided.

Article V

1. All persons within 20 feet of the Casa Olé are considered to be inside of the Casa Olé.

2. It is illegal to give a blowjob in the Casa Olé. All fellaters will be subject to 10 years' Cock and Ball Torture.

3. It is not illegal to receive a blowjob in the Casa Olé.

Article VI

1. It is illegal to mention the Beast in the Casa Olé. All offenders will be subject to femboyification and imprisoned in the Beast's personal dungeon.

2. It is legally required for all Patrons Olé to pray to the Beast 75 times upon arrival at the Casa Olé. All heretics will have their penises removed for transmogrification into dog dicks; dog dicks created through this process will be stored for grafting onto w*men.

3. It is illegal to listen to music in the Casa Olé. Listeners will be made to listen to "Never Gonna Give You Up", by Rick Astley, for 10 years.

4. It is illegal to not listen to '70's music in the Casa Olé. Anyone who fails to listen will be given the NGGYU (see Point 3) for 50 years.

Article VII

1. All persons within 20 miles of the Casa Olé are subject to the laws of the Casa Olé.

2. It is illegal to be within jurisdiction of the laws of the Casa Olé without being inside the Casa Olé. Offenders will be forced to enter the Casa Olé.

3. It is illegal to meow in Casa Olé. Offenders will be subject to 10 years' Cock and Ball Torture. Catboys are exempt from this law.

Article VIII

1. It is required to stare at the Sun for 1 minute as part of your prayer ritual. All who refuse will be made to stare at the Sun for 10 hours.

2. Time both exists and does not exist in the Casa Olé (Schrödinger's Time).

3. It is illegal to wear or carry a watch or clock in the Casa Olé. Carriers will be cursed to be both a femboy and a catboy (Schrödinger's Catboy) for 10000 years in the Beast's personal dungeon.

Article IX

1. There are Two Beasts in One, herosoforth referred to as the Eternally Wrathful and Femboy and Beans-Craving First Beast and the Eternally Merciful and Chips and Queso-Craving Second Beast.

2. It is illegal to refer to the Two Beasts as anything other than the Beast. Separationists will be eaten by the First Beast.

3. It is illegal to have a soul in the Casa Olé. Soul carriers will have their souls confiscated and split into two, with the first half being fashioned into a femboy soul by the First Beast, and the second half being mixed into the Second Beast's queso.

Article X

1. It is illegal to stop at the stop light in front of the Casa Olé. All violators will have their cars confiscated and turned into chips.

2. It is illegal to own a car within the legal jurisdiction of the Casa Olé. All cars will be melted down and turned into chips.

3. It is illegal to look through windows in the Casa Olé. All windows will be broken into chips.

Article XI

1. It is illegal to have irons in the fire of Casa Olé. All offenders will be placed in the fire with their irons.

2. It is illegal to be Vriska in the Casa Olé. All Vriskas will be transformed into Tavroses, then imprisoned in the Beast's personal dungeon for being such sissy femboys.

3. It is illegal to discuss Andrew Hussie's works in the Casa Olé. All MS Paint Adventurers will be murdered; MSPAs may be subject to punishment for dying in the Casa Olé.

4. It is illegal to Homestuck in the Casa Olé. All Homestucks will be Homestucked.

Article XII

1. It is illegal to squish in the Casa Olé. All squishers will be turned into a blueberry and juiced.

2. It is illegal to be talked to in the Casa Olé. All receivers of conversation will have their ears removed and fashioned into chips.

3. It is not illegal to talk in the Casa Olé.

4. This song is called "Robots!"

The Codex Olé has been heavily abridged due to the Lawspeaker's inadequacy. Due to his callous disregard for the laws on information spreading, the lawspeaker who wrote the Codex Olé will receive punishment. He will be turned into the Second Beast; as the Beast is timeless, so too shall the Second Beast be, existing even before the Lawspeaker was punished.

May the grace of the Beast be with you all.

[so-idialed-9]

All Things Must Pass is the third album from George Harrison, and his first one post-Beatles hiatus breakup. Also a song on the album. The song had been rejected by the band for inclusion on the Beatles' Let It Be album, and was later released by Billy Preston. Many have covered the song, including Paul McCartney.

The song references 2 Corinthians 4:17 and the Tao Se-Ching. But like also, remember this photo.

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

Listen and lyrics

Sunrise doesn't last all morning

A cloudburst doesn't last all day

Seems my love is up

And has left you with no warning

But it's not always going

To be this grey

All things must pass

All things must pass away

Sunset doesn't last all evening

A mind can blow those clouds away

After all this my love is up

And must be leaving

But it's not always going

To be this grey

All things must pass

All things must pass away

All things must pass

None of life's strings can last

So I must be on my way

And face another day

Now the darkness only stays at night time

In the morning it will fade away

Daylight is good

At arriving at the right time

But it's not always going

To be this grey

All things must pass

All things must pass away

All things must pass

All things must pass away

When Harry wears it...especially in context of the I'd love to fellate George Harrison T...I cant help but also get a sense of the other use of "passing," as in being able to portray oneself in a way that is socially more acceptable in order to be decently treated, for safety reasons, in certain risky situations, etc.

Often used in reference to LGBTQ people having to or wanting to pass as being perceived as straight or gender‐conforming. Passing can also be used by people of color, ethnic and religious minorities...any group that doesn't have institutional power.

Like an unlabeled celebrity in a queer relationship in an industry that closets you, perhaps?

[wellthatwasaletdown]

“I haven’t heard it, so I can’t say either way.” Part 1 - Let me set the scene for you, my friend. The stage looks like an egg with the top part cut off like a soft boiled egg or like a toilet seat with the lid left open. Bells are ringing. Bunnies appear. They spot each other among a field of daisies and otises. They start fucking. Cue other animals like stinkbugs having a sexathon and elephants making out, with one of them trying to swallow the other elephant’s face dick. The bunny which I presume to be the male one, has a weak stroke game and finishes early, pushing the female bunny off him. The Harries in the crowd cheer because they’ve read fanfic sex and 10 seconds seems like a long time to them. Flowers spread their petals open, a metaphor for Harry spreading open watermelons and fucking them but that’s another song. Baby bunnies appear. The mother bunny is not with them. The baby bunnies sensed she was unhappy and they gave her permission to run away from them every chance she gets. Later, as told in legends, the Daily Mail and HO ua accounts, the female bunny would often be spotted on a near daily basis clothed head to toe in Harry merch, telling anyone who’ll listen that she’s the happiest she’s ever been. The male bunny is not seen again until he has something to promote. Part 2 - The spotlight shines on an angry looking big bird which turns out to be Harry. He stands there for a few seconds, his face looking emotional, like he was in the middle of smelling his own farts but was rudely interrupted. He runs down the stairs and starts singing As it Was, a compilation song that he ripped off from other artists. He unsexily reveals his bedazzled jumpsuit and performs his one dance move, the Mr. Bean. The song ends. It’s forgettable. The audience is polite. The set closes with SOTT, Harry singing to the crowd, “get away from here” and they do. RS declares Harry god of rocks. Rob Sheffield takes a day off from fellating Harry Styles. Other writers shoot their shot in the Harry ass licking competition. Rob Sheffield should be worried. Olivia, professional director who’s been busy doing nothing for a year and a half, posts 2 wooden matchsticks fucking; the wooden matchsticks being an homage to Harry’s performance in Eternals and to all her performances in every show and film she’s ever been in. The fucking is a reminder of their hobby of fucking over Jason, Jason’s kids, other artists, other people. The end.

###

Honestly, the best review of this shit show ever! LOL

[callunavulgari]

Scrapbook 2021 | Part II

For anyone that’s new to this, this is how I keep track of all of the things I enjoy and/or create throughout the year. I have literally been doing this since I had a livejournal. I think the first one was 2011? Maybe? In which case, woohoo, ten years of scrapbooking!

It’s a nice little snippet of my life and helps to organize my brain.

A reminder:

Normal font - Indifferent/Neutral Italicized font - Enjoyed bold font - Loved with an asterisk* - All time favorite (bracketed titles) - Re-watches/Re-reads strikethough - Disliked

Goals are: read 80 books (as of today, i am at 31 books, which sounds not great but goodreads assures me that it’s only 1 book behind schedule), finish five video games (at two at the moment... mostly because I keep dragging my feet on actually finishing P5R), write more than 20 fics (at... 6) or something larger than 20k (negative), and write either an original short story or start a novel (i have started plotting for the novel? does that count?)

Past Years

MOVIES

May

Mortal Kombat

(SW: The Phantom Menace)

(SW: Attack of the Clones)

(SW: Revenge of the Sith)

(SW: Rogue One)

(SW: A New Hope)

SW: Clone Wars

Enola

Wonder Woman 1984

Dark Phoenix

(Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring)

June

(Princess Mononoke)

Sailor Moon: Eternal

In The Heights

Wish Dragon

July

Luca

(Thor: Ragnarok)

(Doctor Strange)

(Guardians of the Galaxy)

Black Widow

Space Jam 2 Electric Boogaloo

August

The Green Knight

Godzilla vs Kong

(Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)

BOOKS

May

These Violent Delights | Chloe Gong [Fin]

The Midnight Library | Matt Haig [Fin]

The Galaxy, and the Ground Within | Becky Chambers [Fin]

Unconquerable Sun | Kate Elliott

People We Meet On Vacation | Emily Henry [Fin]

The Soulmate Equation | Christina Lauren [Fin]

June

Unconquerable Sun | Kate Elliott [Fin]

September Love | Lang Leav [Fin]

One Last Stop | Casey McQuiston [Fin]

The Chosen and the Beautiful | Nghi Vo [Fin]

Lumberjanes, volume 2 | Noelle Stevenson [Fin]

For the Wolf | Hannah Whitten [Fin]

The Sandman | Neil Gaiman [Fin]

Mister Impossible | Maggie Stiefvater

July

Mister Impossible | Maggie Stiefvater [Fin]

TAZ: The Crystal Kingdom | The Mcelroys [Fin]

She Who Became the Sun | Shelley Parker-Chan

A Psalm for the Wild-Built | Becky Chambers

The Universe of Us | Lang Leav

August

She Who Became the Sun | Shelley Parker-Chan [Fin]

A Psalm for the Wild-Built | Becky Chambers

The Universe of Us | Lang Leav [Fin]

Lumberjanes, volume 3 | Noelle Stevenson [Fin]

Lumberjanes, volume 4 | Noelle Stevenson [Fin]

PODCASTS

May

The Penumbra Podcast, s3-END

June

The Magnus Archive - Fear Winners 1 & 2

July

Gods of Appalachia, Eps 1-6

(Wolf 359)

Janus Descending

August

(Wolf 359)

Mabel

(Zero Hours, ep 7)

Time:Bombs

TV SHOWS BY SEASON

May

Watcher Entertainment, Are You Scared?

Castlevania, s3, s4 [Fin]

Word of Honor [Fin]

Buzzfeed: Kelsey in Control?

Demon Slayer, s1

June

Demon Slayer, s1 [Fin]

Kim’s Convenience, s4

Leverage, s5 [Fin]

Watcher: Too Many Spirits, s3

Loki, s1

Lucifer, s2, s3, s4

Trese, s1

(Buzzfeed Unsolved: True Crime, s3, s6?)

(Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural, s1)

Sweet Tooth, s1

Love, Death & Robots

July

Loki, s1 [Fin]

Watcher: Too Many Spirits, s3 [Fin]

Watcher: Dish Granted, s3

Shark Week

Lucifer, s5

Masters of the Universe: Revelation

August

The Owl House, s2

Watcher: Dish Granted, s3

Watcher Weekly+

Buzzfeed: Ruining History

Star Trek Discovery, s1, s2, s3

What If..., s1

VIDEO GAMES

May

Monster Hunter Rise, 12 hours

Mass Effect 1: Legendary Edition, 25 hours

Pokemon Go

June

Mass Effect 1: Legendary Edition, ? hours

Pokemon Go

Animal Crossing: New Horizons, ??? Hours

Persona 5 Royal, ??? hours

July

Persona 5 Royal, 167 hours

Pokemon Go

August

Persona 5 Royal, 167 hours

Pokemon Go

Ori and the Blind Forest [Fin]

DELIGHTFUL FIC

May

The word is help. by spqr | Star Wars | Din/Luke | 9k | In a flash, Fett has his blaster out and pointed at Luke’s head. “You’re right,” he says. “Turnabout’s fair play. So maybe I oughta shoot you.”

Don’t be afraid. by spqr | Star Wars | Obi-Wan/Anakin | 12k | “Padawan Kenobi,” Yoda says, after a moment. “Complete your training, Master Skywalker will.”

who carried the hill by spqr | Star Wars | Din/Luke | 22k | Din’s about to head up the ramp onto the newly-repaired Razor Crest when a string pulls taut around his heart and yanks him into the sky.

Tapestry by spqr | Star Wars | Obi-Wan/Anakin | 8k | In March, Obi-Wan drags Anakin to another faculty party, where Anakin gets all sorts of wrong ideas about Quinlan Vos and decides to fellate Obi-Wan in a coat closet about it.

wonderterror by peradi | Star Wars | Leia/Han/Luke | 6k | Anakin Skywalker is the son of the Force.He’s half human and half something monumental.What does that make his children?

Xen Gardens by denimwrapped | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan & Shane | 1k | Shane Madej saves the day.A strange man comes to congratulate him.

A Series of Better Decisions by SassySnowperson | Star Wars | Padme/Obi-Wan/Anakin | 9k | "Kill him. Kill him now!" Chancellor Palpatine hissed, as Anakin held the two blades against Dooku's neck. "No," Anakin said. "It's not the Jedi way."

Futurus (-a -um) by cadesama | Star Wars | Padme/Anakin/Obi-Wan | 60k | Cracked hyperdrive? No problem. Just hold it together with the Force. Time travel? Well. That could be a bigger problem.

Comfort in Wartime by Rosbridge | Star Wars | Padme/Obi-Wan/Anakin | 4k | Obi-Wan is exhausted, drunk, and just about out of fucks to give.

spark me up, i'm a firework (i'll burst into light) by coffeeinallcaps | FATWS | Bucky/Sam | 7k | "You know how the super-soldier serum makes everything, well, super? I guess you could say that's what happened to my sex drive."

Thaw by spqr | Star Wars | Din/Luke | 6k | That’s what hope does to you, Luke remembers now. It lingers at the back of your mind, whispering maybe, maybe, so that knowing a plan is stupid isn’t enough to keep you from trying it.

Christ in Repose by spqr | Din/Luke | 8k | More on this story as it develops. Subscribe to HNN’s JEDI WATCH newsletter for instant updates on Jedi sightings throughout the galaxy.

Insufferable by perkynurples | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 3k | Wen Kexing asks a question. Zhou Zishu only hesitates to answer for a little while.

parasitic, parasocial by brawlite | The Untamed | Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen/Xue Yang | 45k | Xue Yang stumbles upon the channel of Fuxue, a popular videogame streamer, and immediately becomes completely and utterly obsessed with him. Unfortunately, Fuxue has a boyfriend -- but that's fine: Xue Yang loves a challenge.

Aaron Burr has Hamilton's RSI and he isn't pleased about it. by DragonBandit | Hamilton | Hamilton/Aaron Burr | 3k | Aaron knows 2 things about his soulmate: The first is that they're angry about everything. The second is that they need to fucking sleep.

dinluke lawyer au by spqr | Star Wars | Din/Luke | 31k | At 1:18 a.m., just when Luke is starting to think he might’ve gotten away with something, Biggs Darklighter shows up on the other side of his desk and says, “I can’t believe you called in sick to get shotgun married to a Mando.”

like, comment, subscribe by DeHeerKonijn, Roselightfairy | Lord of the Rings | Gimli/Legolas | 90k+ | Legolas meets Gimli for lunch - unfortunately, he meets someone else, too.

a jackal; a thief by brawlite | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Ye Baiyi | 11k | This is not the first time Wen Kexing’s body has been poisoned like this.

you're the trouble that i always find by sundiscus | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 27k | “Do you know him?” Jin Wang asks.The ringing in Zhou Zishu's ears gets louder. “No, Wangye,” he says.At Zhou Zishu’s voice, the prisoner freezes.

vampire!wwx threadfic by sundiscus | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji | ??? words | in which vampires exist in a modern cultivation au, lwj is investigating a string of strange deaths, and wwx is a vampire he can’t seem to kill.

Velle by DeHeerKonijn, Roselightfairy | LotR | Gimli/Legolas | 29k | Velle (Latin): to want.

June

May All My Wounds Be Mortal by hansbekhart | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 10k | Peeled out of his many robes, Wen Kexing’s body reveals itself to be mostly leg. He strips eagerly, grinning up at Zhou Zishu as if this is another joke between them. See? Wen Kexing’s body seems to say, I have no secrets from you.

drop by brawlite | The Untamed | Song Lan/Xue Yang | 4k |  Xue Yang has had this dream before.

Splenda by Tierfal | FMA | Ed/Roy | 19k | WIP | A sugar daddy AU that barely even qualifies as a sugar daddy AU, because these two can't do anything right.

From the Ashes by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Shane/Ryan | 3k | “This doesn’t need to leave this room,” Ryan had said that first time. “Casual is my middle name.”

Whale Songs by denimwrapped | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 2k | It could be humming, he thinks. Some distant angelic humming. What it’s humming about, he’d have to find out the hard way. All he can hear in his mind’s ear is come closer. There’s so much more in the depths than you’ve ever known.

A Good Bargain by Neery | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 11k | The Window of Heaven captures the Ghost Valley's master. Zhou Zishu is put in charge of interrogating him.

So Why Not Crack Your Skull When the Mind Swells by greenteafiend | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 13k | Or, Wei Wuxian is cursed to feel terrible pain when he and Lan Wangji aren’t touching.

the agony and the irony by arostine | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 44k | WIP |  Ryan has a lot on his plate right now. He’s one of three members of his species employed at BuzzFeed, and the only male omega, and his boss keeps asking him to do videos about being an iterant ‘to educate the humans,’ when what he really wants to do is videos about ghosts.

the rest of your life by bestliars | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane/Sara | 30k | MYSTERY DISAPPEARANCE IN THE MIDWEST! The year is 2034. Successful video producer Ryan Bergara uproots his whole life to take care of his friend’s children.

sit in my circle and hold my hand by soda_coded | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 14k | Ryan and Shane work for the metaphysical department of the LAPD, fool around and get cursed.

Idle Hands (Do the Devil's Work) by ma_malice | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 4k | In which the only upside to being a demon stuck in a seasonal Chicago snowstorm is the ability to abandon your body and possess your boyfriend in LA.

Shell Game by Giddygeek | The Magicians | Quentin/Eliot | 20k | Or, Quentin can’t believe he never thought to ask if there was a magical time in Fillory when people swapped bodies with the last person they slept with.

Contention by hollybennett123 | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu/Ye Baiyi | 3k |  The Zhou Zishu of ten minutes ago, who first agreed to the whole thing — the evening’s conversation and general bickering over drinks taking an unexpectedly filthy turn — had been thinking only about the imminent pounding on offer and not, well, everything else that might come with it.

Necrocafé by etothey | Locked Tomb Trilogy | Gideon/Harrow | 2k | Harrowhark Nonagesimus isn't sure which confounds her more: the new boxes of bones she is to animate, or the hot redheaded courier who brings the boxes.

simple man by spqr | Loki | Loki/Mobius, Loki/Loki | 6k | “Tell you what,” says Mobius, shortly after the Timekeepers have sentenced Loki to death, “why don’t I take care of this?”

(Un)disclosed desires by Springandastorm | Loki | Loki/Mobius | "That's not how I see you at all, Loki." Mobius said, unexpectedly earnest. "We all play roles sometimes." 

sources of light by brawlite | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 3k | Zhou Zishu makes a difficult choice in order to save Wen Kexing's life. The morning after is not an easy one.

warm company, cold nights by janonny | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 23k | He gave Zhou Zishu a lingering look from beneath his lashes. “Your virtuous wife will accompany you of course.”

July

the potential of broken things by icarusinflight | Harry Potter | Drarry | 11k | "Can you feel that? Some things want to be what they once were. The original spell is still there, and it wants to work again. All it takes is a little push and then"—Draco clicks his fingers of his free hand—"snap, everything will go back into place."

little beast by brawlite | The Untamed | Song Lan/Xue Yang | 7k | Payback's a bitch.

you, undeniable you by returnsandreturns | Brooklyn Nine-Nine | Jake/Amy | 1k | “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Jake asks, for the fourth time. “Because we can just ditch that thing, toss it out a window, do it missionary like the founding fathers intended.”

Car Talk by drunkbedelia | Loki | Mobius/Loki | 1k | ‘When I pruned myself, I thought I might be able to find Loki,' Sylvie said.

one too many by sarcasticfishes | Watcher | Ryan/Shane | 1k | “Stay here,” Ryan says, just casual enough, “I’ll drive you home tomorrow.”

Tencent and Chill by quoth_the_ravenclaw | The Untamed | Nie Huaisang/Nie Mingjue | 2k | “Da-ge,” Huaisang whines, all for show, as much a performance as the actors on screen. He wiggles his toes. “My feet are so sore, you worked me too hard.”

The House at the End of the World by Hopetohell | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 1k | What will they do, now that they can do anything?

moderate the middle by ElisAttack | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 9k | People only smiled with their eyes when it was real. Unless they were a Loki. No matter the differences between the variants, their tricky grins were a constant as much as they were indiscernible.

Lost and Sound by snack_size | Loki | Loki/Thor/Sylvie | 5k | “Sylvie, did you help my brother defeat the Time Police?”

push the button (and let me know) by dinosuns | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 5k | “How about this?” hands folded on the table, he watches Loki intently. “If you tell me why, I’ll answer.” 

We're (not) all villains here by sir_not_appearing_in_this_archive | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 19k | WIP | Alone and friendless (once again), Loki has to find a way to set things right, or at least right enough he can comfortably sneak off into the sunset, which starts with one thing: saving Mobius's lost memories.

what remains by dinosuns | Loki | Loki/Mobius | “You’re no analyst.” Mobius sounds stunned. They are not aligned, they are not in tandem. But there are wistful glimmers of what is now agonisingly out of reach.

worth a shot by thereyoflight | Loki | Loki/Sylvie | 2k | When Loki and Sylvie are moments away from being cornered on the train in Lamentis, they resort to desperate measures.

Bug Problems by xorabbit | Marvel | Grandmaster/Loki | 7k |  Loki ends up on Sakaar, of course, with just that many more schemes to scheme. However, the Grandmaster is not altogether too terrible--a bit of fine luck, for once--and perhaps it's all right to have a better-natured fling while one works out what's next.

our way, no takebacks by dinosuns | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 20k | "Nice speech," Sylvie drawls, but the sarcasm doesn't land.

August

Vennen min by spqr | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 12k | The day they let Mobius out of the infirmary, Loki gets assigned to a new handler. This, Mobius is pretty sure, is where the trouble starts.

new terms by dinosuns | Loki | President Loki/Mobius | 21k | For the first time in his life, Loki triumphs. How fitting then, for the end to swiftly barge in unannounced.

Icarus by Waako | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 5k | When Mobius got pruned, he expected two different outcomes. Either eternal peace or eternal emptiness. He certainly didn’t expect a grey sky, ruins of old buildings looming over him, and a Loki variant watching him like he was a piece of fresh meat.

Stress Relief by spqr | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 3.5k |  “Let me read you something,” Loki says. He rifles through the pages, clears his throat, and Mobius puts a hand over his eyes because he knows what’s coming before Loki even reads the first word—“Pēdīcābō ego vōs et irrumābō—“

just like the weather by sarcasticfishes | BFU | Shane/Ryan/Sara | 6k | “Y’know,” Ryan shrugs. “Friends have kids together sometimes. Like if a same-sex couple has a friend surrogate for them. Or sometimes people just co-parent.”

Woodash and iron and leather by iffervescent | The Witcher | 9k | Jaskier is the only person Geralt's ever been around who doesn't smell of fear

Food of Love by tanktrilby | The Witcher | Geralt/Jaskier | 22k | I brought a dead princess back to life through the power of song is the kind of thing that would have got an eyebrow raise even from the stone-faced Geralt of Rivia, so it's a good thing he and Geralt will probably never see each other again.

If The Morning Light Sets In by nagia | Castlevania | Sypha/Trevor/Alucard | 45k | Save the Belmonts, save the world.

halfway by ivelostmyspectacles | Castlevania | Sypha/Alucard/Trevor | 12k | Vampire attacks are happening again. Unprovoked, strange, humans and vampires dying alike. A disease. Alucard assures them that he isn't susceptible.

lonely lonely heart by spqr | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 7k |  Mobius looks down at the paperwork, gets a sort of flustered farmboy look on his face, looks back up at Loki and says, “You offered to give a cop fellatio in the middle of Central Park.”

Bedrest by Lise | The Untamed | Xiao Xingchen& Xue Yang | 3k | Xiao Xingchen's newest patient is causing him problems. He just won't stay put.

too little, too late. by raisesomehale | Miraculous Ladybug | Adrien/Marinette | 6k | WIP |  “Ladybug.” Chat’s voice cuts in like molten steel.

DELIGHTFUL FANVIDS

May

Jesper Fahey | 99 Problems

Jesper Fahey | OLD TOWN ROAD

Kaz & Inej | I Can't Pretend

human | kaz brekker

bucky barnes || humble

The Mandalorian || Warriors

The Mandalorian | I'll See You Again

Hope is the light.

►Zhou Zishu & Wen Kexing | Beautiful mess

Kaz & Inej | I Can't Pretend

versailles at night | alina & the darkling

look what you made me do | the darkling

Bucky Barnes | Rasputin

Obi-Wan || dirty work

Blood in the water [the Witcher]

MARVEL || Astronaut in the Ocean

Enola Holmes || Unstoppable

Shadow & Bone || Fire Meets Fate

Mo Dao Zu Shi Season 3 AMV/Trailer - Teeth

Kylo Ren | STAR WARS

June

MARVEL || Rasputin

MARVEL || Astronaut in the Ocean

i dont enjoy hurting people | Loki [1x01]

loki laufeyson • unsteady [⚠ 1x01]

MARVEL || Levitating

Shadow & Bone | Paint It Black

Glitter & Gold | Jesper Fahey

Shadow and Bone | Levitating

wen kexing ✘ zhou zishu | put your lips on mine

Erik Lensherr - Magneto

The Crows || Circus

The Crows | Thrift Shop (Shadow & Bone)

Zemo & Bucky — RASPUTIN [tfatws]

Cruella | Feeling good

Percy Jackson || Watch Me

THE KILLING KIND || The Magnus Archives Animatic

LOKI || Glorious Purpose

The Darkling | Black Heretic

Sam x Bucky || Handclap [HUMOR]

Loki || Lovely

Doctor Strange || Dystopia

Loki & Sylvie || I’m not your friend

Loki || Hate Me

MARVEL || River

Loki & Bucky || Paint It Black

Wanda Maximoff || The Scarlet Witch (WandaVision)

Play With Fire || MARVEL || Loki Doctor Strange Scarlet Witch

MARVEL || Warriors

Loki || God of Mischief || You Do You

(Marvel) Loki | You Will Never Be A God

Marvel's Horror Cinematic Universe

community gardens || the magnus archives PMV

July

Thor || Rise

Loki & Sylvie - Demons in my head [ep.3]

//HUMANS// THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES

Loki | Lost

A Quiet Place

Loki & Sylvie || Strange Birds

Loki & Sylvie "I won't let you down" | (+1x05)

♚ Loki & Sylvie | If You Love Me (1x04)

Loki & Sylvie | If our love is wrong [Loki +1x04]

Loki and Mobius | Hold On [Loki +1x05]

loki laufeyson • in the end [+ 1x04]

Loki and Sylvie || Feeling Good

Marvel || Black Widow - Counting Stars || Natasha Romanoff 

Cruella || Little Wicked

MARVEL || This is My Time || Shang-Chi Trailer Music

Sylvie | Unstoppable (Loki +1x03)

Loki and Sylvie (Lady Loki) || Play With Fire

Wanda and Vision || Dancing With Your Ghost

Wanda Maximoff and Loki || You Should See Me In A Crown

Loki and his Variants ⚔ King of Space [ep.5]

Loki & Sylvie ❤ This world is slowing down [ep.5]

Sylvie || Confident (+1x04)

•Loki x Sylvie ⱠΞⴼ King and Queens•

Loki - In The End | Marvel

Loki & Sylvie ❤ Out of Control [ep.4]

Loki & Mobius | Dynasty [LOKI/+1x04]

Loki & Sylvie ❤ Love War [ep.6]

(Marvel) Loki | Glorious Purpose

(MARVEL) Loki | Chaos

Loki | In The End [+1X06]

Loki x Sylvie | Another Love

Loki & Sylvie | Arcade [ Loki +1x06]

MARVEL || The Assembled Universe (c/w ASTrix UI)

August

Natasha & Yelena || Do It Like A Dude

Black Widow || Smells Like Teen Spirit

MARVEL || Uptown Funk

MARVEL || 1 in a Million

MARVEL/DC || Dies Irae

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness TRAILER #1

MARVEL || Loki 

DELIGHTFUL MUSIC

May

The Wild One - Suzi Quatro

What’s So Funny ‘Bout - Sharon Van Etten

Levitating - Dua Lipa

The Underground - Meg Myers

You Won’t Find Me - Narrow Skies

Elixir of Life - Leah

Salt and the Sea - The Lumineers

ERROR - Niki, Kradness

Runaway - AURORA

Butterfly Water - Pastelle

Close to the Sun - Porcelain Pill

Selkie-boy - The Lost Words

Good Riddance - Annapantsu

Die Anywhere Else - Julia Henderson

Heat Waves - Glass Animals

Down - St Vincent

Word of Honor OST

Welcome to the Pleasuredome - Frankie Goes to Hollywood

Shy Away - Twenty One Pilots

Follow You - Imagine Dragons

I’m Not That Girl - Kerry Ellis

Meant to be Yours - Ryan McCartan

Ex Wives - Six

Euphoria - BTS

Walls - Cher

96,000 - In the Heights

Sun Goes Down - Lil Nas X

Enough For You - Olivia Rodrigo

Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo

Ziti E Buoni - Maneskin

Shum - Go_A

Loco Loco - Hurricane

Space Ghost Coast to Coast - Glass Animals

The Horror and the Wild (whole album - The Amazing Devil

Chant - Hadestown

Titans - Major Lazer, Sia

Bones - Galantis

Golden Dandelions - Barns Courtney

Le Nozze di Figaro - Hybrid

Save Your Tears - The Weeknd

Psycho - Post Malone

Gold Lion - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Close to Me - Ellie Goulding

And So It Went - The Pretty Reckless

help herself - bbno$

Fire For You - Cannons

Twist the Knife - Chromatics

He Said She Said - Chvrches

Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Campus - Vampire Weekend

Your Power - Billie Eilish

Reach - Eternal Eclipse

1 Last Cigarette - The Band Camino

Insertion - Hans Zimmer

from the edge - fictionjunction

The Devil Is a Gentleman - Merci Raines

Meet Me In The Woods - Amarante

Fire - Saint Mesa

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Saint Mesa

Appetite - Casey Edwards

All Things Devour - aeseaes

Throne - Saint Mesa

Witchcraft - Vian Izak

June

The Shrine / An Argument - Fleet Foxes

It’s Tricky - Run

Darjeeling - Barrie

Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings - Father John Misty

Picture Me Better - Weyes Blood

Loch Lomond - Mackenzi Tolk

Punta - Matzzy

Touch It Clean - DJ Raulito

Oh No - Kreepa

Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land - Marina

Sofia - Askjell

The Boy - Shannon & the Clams

First Steps - Lena Raine

The Power of Balance Rearranged - Rush Garcia

And So My Heart Became a Void - Ursine Vulpine

Paper Mache - Iris Lune

Catch Me If You Can - Desert Belle

Darkroom Double - Moon & Pollution

Serotonin - girl in red

In the Air Tonight - Natalie Taylor

When Your Heart Is a Stranger - Friends In Paris

Moon Effect - Sailor Moon Eternal OST

In A Black Out - Hamilton Leithauser

Forever - CHVRCHES

Way Less Sad - AJR

Helter Skelter - Detention

The Devil You Know - X Ambassadors

TVA - Natalie Holt

Honeybee-The Head and the Heart

Home All Summer - Anthony Ramos

In the Shadows - Amy Stroup

My Way - Lucifer Cast

In the Air Tonight - Jon Howard

The Beast - Old Caltone

The Beast - Delta Rae

Freak Like Me - Adina Howard

Only the Good Die Young - Billy Joel

Winds of Change - Scorpions

good 4 u - Olivia Rodrigo

If I Could See The World - Patsy Cline

Ends of the Earth - Lord Huron 

The Killing Kind - Marianas Trench

Bones - Wens

Kiss Me More - Doja Cat

How Not to Drown - CHVRCHES

July

Dark Moon - Bonnie Guitar

Free Smiles - Tia Ray

Sundown Blues - Joanna Levine

Citta Vuoto - Mina

If You Love Me - Brenda Lee

Very Full - Tom Hiddleston

Loki Green Theme - Natalie Holt

Wrecked - Imagine Dragons

The Wolves - Cyrus Reynolds

Cure For Me - Aurora

Theory of Light - Eternal Eclipse

Fate of the Clockmaker - Eternal Eclipse

Potential Breakup Son - Aly and AJ

transparent soul - travis barker

My Love Will Never DSie - AG, Claire Wyndham

Happy Together - King Princess

Atomise - Temple

Darkside - Oshins

Someone to Watch Over Me - Lucifer Cast

This is Ours - Peter Sivo

Love and War - Fleurie

Take Me To Church - MILCK

Devil I Know - Allie X

East of Eden - Zella Day

Shadow Preachers - Zella Day

Losing My Religion - BELLSAINT

Hard to Kill - Beth Crowley

Dark Side - Blind Channel

Tanz Mit Mir - Faun

My Jolly Sailor Bold - Ashley Serena

Stuttering - Fefe Dobson

August

Monsters and Fairies - Savannah

Chosen - SVRCINA

IAN HA 3BYK - GO A

Freya - Verdandi

Sick on Seventh Strett - Sarah and the Safe Word

Tarah - Sae Sae Norris

Suspicion - Sherwood Roberts

Fjorgyn - Osi and the Jupiter

Fight to Make It Up - Takenobu

The Edge of Dawn - Rozen

Innocence - Cannon Diviision

A Stray Child - .Hack//Sign

The Kiss - Luigi Rubino

Any Kind of Dead Person - Ghost Quartet

The Great Unknown - Dominique Gilbert

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Saint Mesa

over the rainbow - misterwives

Fireflies - Cullen Vance

My mother Told Me - Nati Dreddd

Athetosis - Crywolf

Major Tom - Shiny Toy Guns

Novacaine - 10 Years

Right Here Right Now - Jesus Jones

NDA - Billie Eilish

Trouble’s Coming - Royal Blood

Completing the Circle - Gareth Coker

There’ll Always Be Another Monster - Brian D’Oliveira

POSTED FIC

May

take my hand and i'll drown you with me | Star Wars | Rey & Ben Solo | 2,157 words |  “You brought this upon yourself,” the creature told her, its voice serene.

June

keeping me restless and whole | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 1,584 words | Mobius was very young when he encountered his first Loki.

July

feed me lies until i'm dead | Loki | Thor/Loki | 3,476 words | “Don’t you think we should talk about it?” Thor asks.

the ghost of us can linger here | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 4,432 words | “So, how do you crazy kids want to do this?” Mobius asks them in a stage whisper, mouth twitching. At her back, Loki laughs, burying the sound against the curve of her neck.

there's a whisper in my bones | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 2,794 words |  “All right,” she says. “Fine. Let’s make things more interesting. Take off your clothes.”

east of eden | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 2,202 words |  “How long have you been fucking him?”  Mobius asks, stroking his fingers against the place where leather meets skin.

Triptych in C Minor | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 1,647 words | Pt 1 | There is a house at the end of time, past the last storm, pushed up against the very edge of the unknown. It is a castle, a manor, a fortress - all depending on who inhabits it. But one thing that it never is, is a home.

August

N/A

WIPS | UNPUBLISHED | ORIGINAL

May

2k of Reylo mermay fic

June

N/A

July

1k+ of Xue Yang being a slut for Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen

300 words of vampire Song Lan

7k of Green Knight AU

August

10k of Green Knight AU

1.5k of hair dye shenanigans

FANMIXES/GRAPHICS

May

yearning: a playlist for the heart

June

the chosen and the beautiful: a mix for jordan baker

July 

kings & queens of the ruckus: a mix for loki and sylvie

August

N/A

[therealeagal]

JoaPhoJo Part 2

JoaPhoJo. Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker.

Picture of a man: White. Heterosexual. Middle-aged. Probably votes Republican.

Eternally oppressed by a society full of yuppie douchebags and ignored by stupid females who can’t recognize that he’s an alpha male in a world of beta cucks.

The film chronicles his downward slide into insanity as only Hollywood can: By portraying him as a tragic hero who’s fully justified in all his actions.

I finally sold out and rented Joker starring Joaquin Phoenix and I can say without fear of contradiction from anyone whose opinion isn’t wrong that Jared Leto was a better Joker.

And cue the angry flood of comments denouncing me as the worst person who has ever lived. Not just for suggestion that Joaquin Phoenix isn’t the literal definition of sex, but also for suggesting that Jared Leto isn’t the worst thing that has ever existed because literally the Nazis were better than Leto.

I’m not here to say that Jared Leto has the last word on Joker of all the character’s actors in times past, present and future. I liked him, but was he the best? Not even a little. Gun to my head I’d pick...whatshisface. The guy from Under The Red Hood. I had his name just a second ago...was it John DiMaggio? Anyway, he’s my favorite Joker at this present moment in time. Either him or whoever did Joker in Arkham Origins. It varies.

Being 100% honest, I like Phoenix’s costume better than Leto’s. But a character’s...well, character will always trump a character’s costume, however faithful it may - or may not in the case of Leto - be to the source material.

But I will say that at least Jared Leto understood something about Joker that Joaquin Phoenix clearly doesn’t:

The Joker is a bad person, and neither Suicide Squad nor Zack Snyder ever makes any attempt to portray him as anything other than a monster (notwithstanding Harley’s rose-tinted fascination with him, which regardless ended in Birds of Prey).

Well, ok, I’m just guessing for the Snyder cut, since I haven’t watched it. If someone can confirm that Snyderker...Snoker? Snyder’s Joker has become a paragon of society that donates his time to combination orphanage/puppy stores in the Justice League Snyder cut feel free to correct me.

Point is, the Joker is not a victim lashing out in righteous vengeance against his bullies. He does not live in a society.

And don’t @ me with The Killing Joke because the difference between TKJ and JoaPhoJo is that The Killing Joke didn’t portray Joker as correct in his arguments.

I’ve heard it before and it wasn’t funny the first time.

Alan Moore is a douchebag of titanic proportions, and DC Comics really needs to stop fellating him, but the man’s got more talent in his pinky finger than everyone who made JoaPhoJo put together, and he knows the difference between a villain and a roguish anti-hero, and he knows which one the Joker is. And spoiler alert, it ain’t the second one.

Contrast JoaPhoJo, which is a story about how disaffected white men are perpetual victims constantly bullied and downtrodden by “society” and how we should feel sorry for them because they’re the true victims and why can’t you Liberal shills recognize that they are the pinnacle of humanity?

There aren’t enough eyes to roll in the universe.

I simply cannot conceive of how this movie ever won any award not given out by the Klan. Screen it at a Trump convention if you want to win points with those it was meant to lionize.

In closing, if you don’t agree - if you, in fact, consider JoaPhoJo to be the greatest movie ever made and you fall asleep masturbating to it every night - you are of course entitled to your opinion, but I don’t want to hear it, so find someone else to whinge at and also find a bridge to jump off of. Preferably a low bridge, so you don’t get seriously injured when you reach the bottom.

Please and thank you.

P.S. I was almost unable to use that masturbation joke. I know it’s a repeat, but I thought it merited seconds. I just couldn’t find a good place to put it but I was able to find a good spot in the end (that’s what she said! Hey-o!)

Only the most logical and mature of discourse here on The Real Eagal’s blog. At least I’m polite. You’re welcome.

[thecoquetteishcontessa-blog]

“Grim Grinding Ghosts” (A “Haunted Mansion” Fan Fiction) (NSFW)

The following story was written for the second season premiere of Content Warning: Erotic Fan Fiction Deathmatch held on September 28, 2018 at XYYVR in Vancouver, British Columbia. Eternal thanks to Mockingbird Media Entertainment for allowing us to further peddle this filth. The theme was a return to Disney. A Disney Renaissance, that was! It also gave me the opportunity to revisit an idea I had a little too late for the previous Disney theme show. Step into the Doombuggy for a sensually spooky ride. Enjoy!

Night time New Orleans Square; gusts of wind whoosh through your hair as heavy raindrops pelt down upon your head and shoulders. Thunder rumbles in the air. Lightning crashes through the swirling storm clouds.

“God, could this get any more cliched?” you mumble to yourself as you dash down the soaked sidewalks illuminated by the stately street lamps, desperately seeking out shelter.

That’s when it stops you in your tracks.

Guarded behind a brick fence and a wrought iron gate, a harrowing ivory Antebellum style manor stands out in stark contrast to the dark drenched willow trees. You’ve consumed enough movies and books to know that the mere sight of an enormous mansion on a dark, stormy night brings nothing but misfortune and danger...and that’s if you’re even lucky to emerge alive.

Even against your better judgement, something draws you closer to the gate. Before you can decide whether its the urgency for warmth, respite from the storm or morbid curiosity getting the best of you, you’ve already made your way past the abandoned stagecoach and the peculiar pet cemetery to reach the front door.

No need to knock; the door slowly opens and generously lets you into the lobby.

You’re too busy drying yourself off to realize there wasn’t a single doorman around to properly thank or to take your damp coat much less figure out where that plodding funeral dirge is coming from.

Another set of doors open, leading into a small portrait gallery.

Suddenly, something feels...off. 

This seemingly innocent gallery appears to be...stretching? 

The portraits reveal the true nature of this home. That portly man in the suit and bowler hat? He’s getting fellated by another gentleman...as said gentleman is on the shoulders of another man, no doubt receiving the same sinful delights...all while succumbing to the quicksand.

Then there’s the beautiful young woman with the parasol...ravished by the crocodile nipping away at her nether regions!

Just as this expanding room couldn’t get more obscene, the lights go out. A flash of lightning reveals a rotting corpse hanging from the ceiling, pants drooping to his ankles and bearing an eternal erection!

Your jaw drops. What perversity is this?!

Bursting forth from the smutty stretching room, you run past the library, shelves no doubt filled with titillating tomes, and into a vast hallway. You look to your right; a candelabra--no! A five pronged dildo floats in the middle of an endless corridor. To your left; a casket rattles. With every thump from the casket comes a grunt of longing. 

They’re not trying to get out; they’re trying to get off!

Further down the hallway, the padlocks and chains on the doors do nothing to contain the thuds, bangs and orgasmic moans echoing through the space.

Eventually you reach a door. No doubt praying for something chaste.

Instead, you are greeted by the visage of a sumptuous madame floating around the parlor inside a crystal ball. Licking her lips, she chants incantations that summon all kinds of deviant devices: vibrators, nipple clamps, whips, the works.

Astonished and slightly aroused, you stumble onto the balcony overlooking a decadent ballroom.

A decadent ballroom defiled by an orgy of ghosts. 

The sight of spirits writhing atop the dinner table, grinding against each other on the dance floor and thrusting on the chandeliers awakens your inner voyeur as an aching desire builds down below...

Before you can slide your hand down your waistband, deafening heartbeats drown out the playful pipe organ. Is it your throbbing urges or is it coming from upstairs?

Curious, you eagerly make your way up to the decrepit, dusty attic. Brushing aside the cobwebs and rusty trinkets, that’s where you discover her: a bewitching bride. Dressed only in strands of pearls, a cascading veil and a shredded lace wedding dress showing off her slender figure, the ethereal bride softly floats towards you.

“It’s been so long since I’ve felt the touch of a mortal hand,” she purrs, taking your hand and placing it onto her cool ample breast. Her glowing heartbeat providing the only warmth.

“Do you take me to be your...sinfully bedded bride?” she asks, a beguiling grin slinking upon her face.

“I do,” you sigh, craving for her spectral sensations.

“You may now kiss the bride...”

She removes her flowing veil and lets loose her wavy bluish blonde hair. It’s not long before she pulls you in for a lingering kiss. Her frozen lips ignite flames within you as your hands travel towards the back of her dress. With all the buttons undone, the bride’s dress tumbles to the floor. She’s completely bare; beating heart, bones and all.

Your kisses trace over her protruding nipples, across her sternum, down her concave stomach and, ultimately, her unkempt graveyard. Combing your tongue through her musty wisps and folds, that’s when you discover her gleaming clit...not to mention a sharp sensation against your neck.

Turns out you bypassed the hatchet nestled against her garter belt in your pursuit to pleasure the phantom floozy.

Horrified, you narrowly avoid the swinging axe but end up taking a tumble out the window. Too bad the landing isn’t as swift.

Gathering your composure, you brush yourself off only to discover that you’ve found yourself in a cemetery swarming with ghosts. 999 of them. Turns out the swinging wake extends to more than just the ballroom. 

��‘’Ey Ezra!” a chubby ghost calls out. “We gots a new one!”

“Excellent, Phinneas! A new edition to our little...jamboree!” Ezra, the spindly, dapper ghost grins.

“D’you think they’re ready?” an elderly bearded ghost in chains and bondage gear croaks.

“They’ve gotten this far, didn’t they, Gus?” Ezra smirks, setting down his suitcase. 

He pulls out a strand of anal beads while Phinneas takes a thick buttplug. Not Gus, though. He prefers his tried and true thumb.

Oh yes, there was a little matter I forgot to mention: beware of butt-fucking ghosts!

The End

[tendriltherapy]

Clown Hell Finale - Clowning Around

The time has come - you’re finally standing in front of this big-top cathedral of a circus tent which has been your guiding beacon while wandering this strange land, this Dark Carnival. All timelines in your Sight seem to lead into this towering structure, then become too hazy to track as they proceed for some time. A bit troubling perhaps, but goodness if it isn't so curiosity inducing. From within you hear the honks and cavorting of clowns, a thunderous congregation of them, being spoken to by a powerful, charismatic voice that booms over the others.

Still a bit hazy and giddy from your carousel ride, you giggle anxiously to yourself as you stand just outside the tent entrance, building up your courage to head inside. It's not until the congregation leader's voice declares that "Now, I've all up and heard there's a new motherfuckin face around our lovely Carnival, brothers and sisters! One who's been having one hell of a righteous time out there! And unless I'm pure wrong, I think it's likely our new sister is standin... RIGHT THE MOTHERFUCK OUTSIDE THIS GLORIOUS TENT. Why don't we give her a warm fuckin welcome?!" and a beam of light from a spotlight settles through the entryway that you step forward into the tent and into a round of applause.

Past the brilliant beam of the spotlight, you make out the biggest carnival tent you've ever seen, tiered layers of surprisingly lavish seating surrounding the main rings, with connected hallway tents leading away to other smaller rooms off the main concourse. Dozens and dozens of clowny individuals fill the seats, both consort species and trolls alike, all cheering for you and stomping and honking. There in the center stage stands a toweringly tall highblood woman, dressed up like a ringmaster with a top hat and corset and tailed jacket. She looks... curvaceous yet powerful, heavy breasts and wide hips accentuating a plump frame with muscle underneath. A confident grin beams out past a meticulously painted face, and well-polished horns shaped like an elk's emerge from beneath a shaggy but tamed mane of hair. Under the beckoning gestures of the woman and the applause all around you, you walk up the center aisle and into the center ring with her, having to lean back on your heels just to look up at her fully.

"Well hello there, little sis! Let me get a good look at you! I been hearin all kinds of good motherfuckin news about the cute lil alien girl who's been wandering her way through our fine congregation. You've been playin up and nice with every brother and sister you met, I heard." she says in that booming, somehow amplified voice of hers, and you flush slightly as you nod. She lightly tousles your hair with a broad gloved hand and then tilts your head back so she can inspect you more thoroughly. "Little sis looks like she's up and embracing our look already - you got the clothes, your paint could use some work but you're all up in the right place, you even got a sylladex full a' wicked elixir, ain't that right?"

You nod almost sheepishly, a little flustered from your place in the spotlight, the hair tousling, and the direction the discussion is going. You're not sure how she knows your inventory is mostly full of their soda, it just makes sense she can somehow see it. The woman's grin broadens further, her eyes narrowing as she chuckles under her breath. "Well then, since you're already up and on the good and righteous motherfuckin track, I think it’s good and time for a proper initiation, don’t all of you, my brothers and sisters?” she calls out to the congregation, met with uproarious applause. Wait, initiation? You're not sure if your heart just dropped into your stomach in concern or jumped up into your throat in anticipation... after a moment's introspection you think it's both.

A few attendants gather around you as the Ringmatron leers down at you, a look of Mirthful mischief in her eyes. You sink slowly to a kneeling posture under their guidance, gulping anxiously with your heart racing. It'll be fine, you assure yourself, probably just more pranks, cheap soda, and boning, the biggest gangbang of them all, while the Ringmatron talks. Nothing more untoward than that, clearly; nothing from your lewd imaginings that's making you start to tent your thong already as some trolls gather round you and others run off further into the cathedral tent for 'supplies'. Hands begin palming at you from all directions, groping your curves, pulling your clothes away, even somehow wiping clean your streaked and smudged facepaint from your apple-bobbing venture, and any lingering remnants of your painted-on clothes. For a moment before the true festivities begin, you’re fully bare before the congregation. Then the cartloads of supplies arrive - one laden with dozens of bottles of colorful soda, another with tin after tin of lime-green pie. A cheer goes up and the Ringmatron begins to speak over you, her eyes beginning to flicker a telltale glow. You feel that flicker start to resonate inside your head, and everything becomes a little foggier, a bit funnier, just overall tingly and happy around the edges. You lean into the clowns surrounding you, eager to partake in their festivities while the Ringmatron talks about a “Righteous motherfuckin threefold baptism” and the “Glorious Rites” afforded to new converts. Certain words stick in your head, even as the rest is lost to the din of the revelry. 

At the Ringmatron’s guidance, the gathering takes up bottles of their ‘wicked elixir’ and begins to shake them with vigor.With a cheer, they all flick the caps off to free a multicolored fountain of frothy bubbles and sticky soda arching into the air. It sprays all over the place as one might expect, the bottles shaken up as they erupt to send it flying across the whole congregation, but much of it is focused right on your kneeling form. It tingles as it soaks you, and you open your mouth almost reflexively to allow the soda to anoint your tastebuds. Goosebumps rise up across your frame as you taste the cloying yet intoxicating flavors mingling, and your hands wander across your nude body, groping yourself and rubbing the cola in. You find yourself shakily laughing, your heart pounding as the Ringmatron’s words pound in your ears. With her blessing you take some initiative and reach out towards the nearest clown above you, pulling them closer by the waistband and fishing out their bulge with one hand while the other reaches for their half-emptied bottle. You take a deep swig of the deep purple grape Faygo, then pop the tip of the troll’s bulge into your mouth to begin suckling eagerly. Perhaps it was something in the leader’s words but it just feels like the right thing to be doing here. It’s not long before many of the others join in, offering their drinks and their bulges in equal measure wherever they can fit them. 

The Ringmatron seems quite pleased so far - “Our righteous little sis here is all up and taking right kindly to the first of her baptisms, the sweetest taste of that wicked elixir rainin’ down around her.” you’re dimly aware of her calling out, “Now it’s time for that pure fuckin miraculous second wave - bring on the slime, my brothers and sisters!” Your nerves jump and a breath stutters in your bulge-occupied mouth in anticipation. Tins of pungent green ooze are passed around next for all to enjoy, some trolls opting for just a fingerful while others scoop out a whole handful. The Ringmatron herself steps in, lightly brushing away the clown you’d been fellating to take their place, those glowing eyes still filling your head with pure, giddy bliss. A pie in one hand, she gathers up a fingertip of the thick green paste and proffers it out to your lips. Obediently you lean forward and close your mouth around her digit, tasting that sharp, numbing szechuan-peppercorn rush in full for the first time. Your eyes flutter and roll back for a moment as a quiet moan escapes you, and she chuckles in satisfaction. There’s a zip from in front of you; the Ringmatron unclasps her pinstriped pants, fishing out... Oh god, it’s the biggest and most... enthralling bulge you’ve ever seen, the size of your arm almost and a deep, rich purple hue. Eyes locked to flickering eyes, she collects another dollop of sopor and swirls it slowly around the glans of her shaft, then glides all the way down to the fat grey balls that match her shaft’s enormity. She leers at you, expectant. 

With a reverence, you lean forward to take that heavy bulge between your lips, tongue running a lazy circle around and around her glans to sop up every bit of the addling, blissful green ooze. Every morsel of it that falls on your tongue seems to take you higher, and you giggle and laugh along with the others around you with your mouth full of cock. As you work your way down her miraculously delightfully massive bulge, the bulge-owners around you join in in a similar vein - little streaks of the green paste are smeared across your nipples, your perineum, even the rim of your pucker just to get fucked in deeper by the bulge re-invading you. A dollop even finds its way into the rim of your foreskin, worked up and down by a dutiful, soda-slicked hand. Everywhere it touches burns with bliss, and your cock and pucker both pulse with ecstasy... but you don’t quite get off. Something inside you feels like it has to wait and just ride out this wicked righteous high until the right time.  You just ride the tides of horny, giggly, increasingly-stoned trolls all around you and coast on the waves of the Ringmatron’s words, letting them fill you up. All this talk of miracles and mirth, elixirs and messiahs and dark carnivals, it’s... starting to grow on you. 

You’re teetering on the brink of orgasm but held back by the powerful woman above you’s presence for what feels like an eternity as she proselytizes to your kneeling, suckling form, your eyes reflecting the flickering Chucklevoodoo glow in her own as your gazes remain locked. Then finally she declares it’s time - “Time for the third of your Baptism Threefold, my sister! You drank the wicked elixir, felt the sweet rush of sopor, now - O brothers and sisters - join me in bringing our newest sister into the fold with the sweetest of anointments - a good healthy dose of our congregation’s geneslurry, fillin’ her up inside and out!” she cries above the din of celebration, and the cheers begin anew. You were already getting lazily fucked before, but now they pick back up with renewed vigor, bulges of every shape and size pistoning everywhere they can fit - two in your ass, one between your breasts, one in each hand and another under each arm, and of course that blessed massive bulge occupying your throat, all rutting away with renewed vigor. Your heart races - a surge of... worry and excitement and pride and dismay and a thousand other clashing feelings all mingling, yet slowly distilling down with more and more positive ones overwhelming the negative. You cry out - voice muffled - as bulges all around and within you begin to erupt in thick, cold spurts of viscous purple geneslime, flooding your rear from within and spattering all over your skin. You dare not break eye contact with the Ringmatron, but you can tell that all around you, clowns who can’t quite make it into the gathering are still stroking away with abandon, adding their geneslime to the mess. Last but not least, the Ringmatron seems to crest into orgasm with nary a change in her body language, just a constant, sweet-and-salty-and-musky flood covering your tongue and running down your throat, never seeming to pause for a volley or run out. She trails her fingertips through your hair as you nurse so reverently at her bulge, drinking deep of the blessed motherfuckin’ source. The more geneslime you drink - the more cascades across your bare body or floods into your bowels from the next troll in line, the more overwhelming bliss you feel - both in body and mind. It’s so easy to fall in with their line of thinking, to rejoice and be mirthful and capricious, to want to laugh and honk and fuck and honk some more. 

As you drink, your skin tingles with the mixed coating of various fluids, while a strange but pleasant chill seems to radiate into your core. Around the Ringmatron’s bulge, a rather rough noise escapes you - a muffled HNKK!, and your heart flutters again, this time with unadulterated excitement. You only just notice it, but at the very edges of your vision not occupied with your shepherd’s glowing eyes, the pale blonde locks of hair - matted with musk and soda - seem to be darkening one strand at a time. The bulges around and within you start to feel warmer and warmer as your final anointment continues - or perhaps it’s that you’re getting a little cooler with each fresh load. Your cock continues to throb fruitlessly, but the throbbing feels more and more powerful with each denied orgasm - you’d swear you can feel it bouncing up against your belly, then your chest with each twitch. The Ringmatron’s hands in your hair continue to stroke and grasp you to steady you, but the motions begin to feel just a little nicer when they pass and circle around certain spots. She cups your cheeks and deposits one more extra-thick dollop of seed right onto your tongue while she addresses you in a voice that is simultaneously barely above a whisper, and the only thing in the room you hear in that moment - “Go on, Sister. Go ahead and pail, join our little family.” 

With this new permission - this command - the grandest motherfuckin’ orgasm you ever did feel begins to flood through you. She releases you, letting you fall back as the bliss wracks your frame, and your eyes finally leave hers to look down at yourself while your release hits. You watch with rapturous interest as your cock twitches and erupts, the first pearly-white gush jetting forth right up into the air. Your amazement only grows more justified as each successive throbbing spurt jets out a bigger, thicker load; a bigger load from a bigger dick, each twitch of your racing pulse seeing your shaft growing bigger, longer, more outlandishly textured while a deep purple hue floods down from the tip. You wrap your hands around your own cock - bulge feels increasingly appropriate in your mind - and frantically jerk yourself off to milk out every drop you can. As you do, you’re dimly aware of your tanned skin draining of its hue and taking on a grey cast; of those sensitive points on your head erupting forth into what can only be a pair of high-arching horns; of your body growing a little thicker, a little plumper in all the right places. You let out a loud, triumphant sound that’s lost somewhere between a moan and a vast, guttural HONK that earns an uproarious round of applause and honks from all the clowns around you. You slump back in the ring beneath the Ringmatron, who looks down in earnest pride at you - her newest convert. She kneels down with a palette of grease paint, gingerly daubing a fresh clowny grin onto your features, and you beam with pride.

Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you’ve just wholeheartedly joined the ranks of the highblooded clown cult. What will you do now?