#felid follies

[were-bastard]

(Tumblr please don’t eat the quality)

I drew myself again, but this version is nicer, so I’ll share it with y’all! This is how my body feels just like, as a default. I don’t consider it a theriotype since I’ve been like this since birth, and it’s just how “human” feels to me! (The colors aren’t accurate, they’re just for funsies)

[were-bastard]

The Word “Chimera”

(where I ramble on about how I feel connected to calling myself a chimera. Beware, it’s a wee bit long)

I’m wondering again about my connection to the word “chimera”. In the same way that calling myself changeling feels correct, so too does chimera. Not in the sense that I am one in the lion, snake, goat-creature type way– moreso in how I’m a creature that takes great joy in peering over the edge of the abyss we call humanity.

As a werecat, I’m an animal raised by humans, birthed by humans, and often seen as human (with even my body mirroring them in some ways, despite its full inhumanity). I’m quite good at playing as human (at least, I would hope so), but I always feel like something that’s just slightly out of place. Though I know that my nonhumanity stems from my neurodivergency– and not from more spiritual sources– I frequently feel (and have felt since I was young) like a “something else” birthed in place of a human child.

As a neurodivergent and nonhuman child, feeling connected to the idea of “changelings” was somewhat expected. The pull to “chimera”, less so, but still explainable.

To properly explain this, I must preface it with the brief introduction of two stories– the Greek myth of the Minotaur and the Scandinavian folk-tale of “King Lindworm”.

In Greek mythology, the Minotaur is a bull-headed child borne to Pasiphaë– the queen of Crete– after a “union” with a bull given as a gift to her husband, as a gift from Poseidon. She only pursues the bull because of a curse (put upon her by Poseidon as punishment for her husband’s refuseal to sacrifice the bull).

In the Scandinavian story of “King Lindworm”, a queen in desperate want of children (but previously unsuccessful in producing them) heads to a witch for a solution. The witch gives her two roses– one red, one white– only one of which she is meant to consume, in order to birth a child. She instead eats both and gives birth to twins– one a human and one a lindworm.

In both of these stories, it isn’t the conception that’s important to this discussion, but the births. The reason I want to call myself a “chimera” is the way Pasiphaë and the Queen would have felt birthing their sons. With Pasiphaë, at first her child might have seemed to be more “normal” (which is, by the way, an incredibly loaded word)– with human limbs, fingers, and toes (what she might have expected). But over the course of the birth revealed to be something other– supplanting the idea of a plain, human child she held in her mind (very much changeling related, but also the idea of someone being a mixture/amalgam: something more animal than is deemed acceptable).

With the Queen of “King Lindworm”, she doesn’t get the mental “cushioning” of a partially human baby, instead she births something fully nonhuman– a serpent of a child, lacking those expected limbs and little newborn fingers. Despite that, he is still related by blood to his fully human brother and mother, which must, in some way lend him some humanity, right?

I was born a werecat, to a human mother, from a human family. And yet, the most human thing left was my hands– overshadowed by fur and teeth and sharp eyes and a tail.

The feelings of chimera-hood come from that idea of a human bearing something that is very much of their body (and sometimes carrying their image with it, even just in the sense that they were a provider of some of the necessary materials), but clearly not [fully] human.

It’s the feeling of nebulous humanity, but only in the context of profound inhumanity. As a simpler explanation, it’s like how werewolves, selkies, harpies, and things like that can still be fully and completely animals, despite their ties to humanity (often as seen through a folkloric or mythical lens).

Fuck, I just realized I might be folcintera.

[were-bastard]

Hey dude!! Thanks for always liking my posts! You rock!! 😸 I think you’re super cool btw! Being a fellow cat AND a thunderstorm too?? That rocks!!! How did you discover you were a thunderstorm? Does the feeling tie into being a griffin too since griffins can fly and thunderstorms are above ground, or are they more separate feelings?

Sorry for not answering this sooner! I saw your question and I had to think about it for a WHILE.

Extremely Long Ramble below:

So, I’m still not sure if I actually am a thunderstorm itself, but I’ve always (like, since I was a kit) been extremely connected to storms and other such weather. Whenever it’s stormy out, or just “bad weather” (the best kind of weather) like hail or rain, I cant help but smile ridiculously. I love it so much and I associate myself strongly with it.

Additionally, as you said, me being a gryphon gives me another layer of deep love for and connection to the sky and its weather. Something interesting I’ve found is that I (as a gryphon) consider myself under the umbrella of dragon, though moreso dragonfolk than anything, and (being a werecat), I see myself in most big cats (& larger lesser cats). As a werecat, I carry many lion and mountain lion traits- including my build and coloration. So, I find it fascinating that I associate thunderstorms with these creatures. Did I project myself onto them, or did they leave an imprint on me?

In a bit more detail, storms always felt like they embodied the archetypical role of a lion or a dragon- like how a thunderstorm can purr or roar, how it can shake the sky, and is, in general, animalistic. Weather always seemed like a living thing to me (in a way).

It’s also always been interesting that I, as both a sub-arctic gryphon and a cold weather feline (with thick fur & feathers) am so well suited to storms. The storms I’m used to are cold and biting, and I, in a body that is without my true fur or feathers, somehow was born with all of the features I need to endure the cold and wind. As an avian and a feline, I should have thick integument, ample fat reserves, and thick skin to insulate me. And somehow, despite being born into a body that is neither of these creatures, I have these things. Out of most people I knew, I’ve always been uniquely suited for harsh weather and cold environments that perfectly match my hearthome- the habitat I should be in.

I’m not spiritual in any way, yet the perfect alignment of my shape and the ability to enjoy the storms I so love is amazing. I’m a bird whose literally meant to hold and be held by the sky, and despite it being unable to reach me here, I still carry the traits that show I belong to it. Being so intertwined with something like that, in both love for it and design for it, often makes it difficult to distinguish between it and myself. When a bird is flying in the sky, being lifted by both its own wings and the sky’s updrafts/winds, is it strange to not separate the two? When I fly (if I COULD) we’re the same entity, I am a bird up in the sky- in a storm- just as I am the storm and the sky carrying a bird within it.

That interconnectedness often leaves me with a feeling similar to an almost animalistic angel. Since I am both myself and the storm, it’s difficult to perceive the whole of me without losing part of it from your field of view. Having my feathers, my talons, my wings, and pairing those with something as ever shifting as a storm gives the impression of an angel, despite me being perfectly mundane. It makes me feel bigger than myself, which is a sensation similar to the divinity(?) of a fallen angel- changed, but not fallen too far (aligned with earth). I fill that grey space that often drives humans to apotheosis, something large and impactful, but not supernatural. Like how some people say a supercomputer or the interconnected root system of a forest is an “angel”. I’m not divine, deific, or angelic, just large and interwoven between the parts of myself.

Being dragonkith as well gives a sense of belonging with the large growling things of the sky (not saying all dragons must be large or flighted, but those are the ones I relate my storm + self form to). As a gryphon on my own, I am a creature (or even a critter)- barely bigger than a bobcat and only intimidating towards small rodents and leporids- but in tandem with a storm, I am a beast, a force to be reckoned with (a dragon, in a sense).

I haven’t found a label that encompasses my “connected -> being” feeling that I have for storms and the sky, and despite attempting to make my own label, nothing fits. So, I just say that I’m a thunderstorm- even though that doesn’t even begin to cover or properly convey being sense of being.

So, yeah! I’m a thunderstorm, both distinct from my gryphon-ness and because of it!

[were-bastard]

I haven’t felt this cat in a while. I can acutely feel the fur on my back and how fluid my spine is. My hands feel more paw-like than usual, along with my face (my muzzle! my whiskers! I’ve missed them!).

This is probably spurred on by the fact that I was my cat-self for the first time in a dream. I really enjoyed it. I was able to hunt properly and even my limbs were correct!

[were-bastard]

Any other alter/nonhumans with echolalia/neurodivergency ever find themselves mimicking the vocals of other people’s species?

Like, when I interact with other nonhumans for long enough, I find myself copying some of the calls they do automatically, both as a form of mirroring and as repetition. I do enjoy this, since mimicking other species is quite affirming for a bird (aka me).

[were-bastard]

Just went to a lake that had really nice shallow water that was also clear, and I could see all the fish in it. Stalking them around was delightful, and the species euphoria was unreal. There were nice conifer covered hills around the lake too, and other birds were soaring on the updrafts. The whole thing made my bird brain very happy!

[were-bastard]

Hii follow up question to what u said about ur werecat appearance cuz i'm interested in how to accurately visualize it

Is it at all similar to Cheetah from DC comics (specifically her design in Wonder Woman: The Lies)? More animalistic?

I have aphantasia so i struggle visualizing without references which is why i'm asking further but don't feel pressured to indulge my probing

It’s no problem at all! I don’t quite feel comfortable comparing myself to fictional characters (since they’re not me) and describing myself probably wouldn’t work too well for you.

So, I drew myself (as accurately as I can with both my current understanding of my anatomy and my artistic skills) for you to be able to see!

This is pretty much how I look! Thanks for asking this by the way! I’ve had some trouble lately trying to draw myself, but this ask gave me some of the motivation I needed!

EDIT: Sometimes the structure of my face changes a bit, so here’s an added sketch of when it’s more “cat”

[were-bastard]

I’m fairly sure the main cause of my nonhumanity is my autism.

Ever since I was a little kit (I’m talking 2-3 years old) we’ve had cats. As a kit I learned how to behave from my parents, sure, but also from our cat. I guess I just sort of imprinted on him? I learned what facial expressions meant anger, happiness, sadness, and fear in humans and absorbed those, while also absorbing my cat’s expressions too. I grew up with the phantom feeling of the facial muscles in a cat’s muzzle, the feeling of ears flicking forward in interest and pinning back in fear, wide reflective eyes and a tail. I learned both the vocalizations of cats and human- shouting, laughing, chittering, hissing, and so on. Usually, most parts of my body are feline in some way, though most of them tend less towards those of a domestic cat and more towards a larger Lesser Cat species (mountain lions being the most prominent), perhaps due to my size?

Even though I don’t consider myself a domestic cat, I still hold a deep regard for them as family and friends.

In the end, the combination of being both a cat-creature and feeling extremely connected to cats has lead me to call myself a werecat and cathearted!

Literally begging on my knees, sobbing, anguishing for people to share their awakening stories in the community.

My critterness yearns for lore.

[were-bastard]

Kinda nsft for nudity, nothing sexual. Messy doodle of my werecat self.

(Warning, there is a wee drawing of the genitals I feel I should have, but it’s not detailed or really explicit)

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’m “shaped” as a werecat. Certain things like being neutered or sterilized are appealing to me from a species point of view. I wanted to sort of sketch out some of my cat-body’s primary and secondary sex characteristics to figure ‘em out.

Excuse the poor handwriting. It’s a simpler doodle just to get the point across.

I’ve also noticed that my sex-characteristics as a cat do affect my gender a bit, which is interesting. If I get neutered in the future I would very much enjoy getting a tattoo for it (probably the green line)

[were-bastard]

I’m not even a dog, but doing the little snap, snap, swallow they do when eating food is very creature

I’m eating salami :}

[were-bastard]

I’m posting this on its own because it’s, quite literally, the most accurate drawing I have ever made of myself. I’m especially happy with how my faint, lion-esque spots came out!

[were-bastard]

A sizeable part of my gender is just like, trans in the werewolf way, if that makes sense. Just a transsexual beast-creature, mainly werewolves. Also kind of includes selkies if you blended the human and seal sides. Very much like a hairy mixed “human” and creature-type butch trans thing.

1000% ties into being a werecat

EDIT: I’m creating a tag, for science. I’ve decided on using #were-beast

[were-bastard]

I’ve decided that I’m going to get a cat ID tag for myself! I’ve already picked out a nice one that should be fairly small. I’m excited for it to get here! It also has a little engraving that looks pretty similar to my habitat, so that’s just a bonus!

It’ll also be nice to have some sort of tag, because that’ll be affirming for my bird-side (since I haven’t been able to find bird bands that fit me right).

[were-bastard]

What would you say in your experience is something strange about being a werecat? 👀

I think the weirdest thing about me being a werecat is that I’m not one in the traditional sense. I don’t change at all (under a full moon or otherwise) and although I have certain “human” attributes, I’m not human in any way. I’ve got more “human-like” paws and proportions, but I’m “human” in the way that a changeling is. I’m just a cat that’s got some strange, human-mimicking features!

Also, my ears are feline (kind of rounded like a mountain lion’s ears), but they’re more on the sides of my head, rather than the top.

[were-bastard]

I just had a dream where I had to wear high heels, which was weird. But because of those (in the dream) my legs starting becoming more digitigrade and I kept having legs cramps in the dream where certain muscles were changing. Near the end, I basically had fully werecat legs! I got to take off the heels and run around properly. The dream implied that my hands and arms would change too, so I ran around on all fours!

It was a good dream.

[were-bastard]

2. what made you realise you were nonhuman/therian/otherkin/alterhuman?

14. what gives you species euphoria?

for the therian ask game 👀if you're still doing that

Thank you for the ask!

What made you realise you were nonhuman/therian/otherkin/alterhuman?

I’ve always just kind of been animal, but the thing that made me realize I wasn’t human was actually finding the alterhuman community. It made me realize that all the stuff I’d felt throughout my life was just me being an animal! For example, getting shifts of my species, having nonhuman mannerisms, and just feeling not human in general were key in helping me realize what I am.

What gives you species euphoria?

Honestly, just acting like myself gives me species euphoria (getting to communicate and show affection in ways that feel good to me). Besides that, being out by bodies of water where I can feel the air and really engage in my hunting urges is really nice. Perching on things and getting myself really high up is amazing as well, though it’s sometimes dampened by the fact that I’m afraid of heights (you would be too if you were a bird that didn’t have the safety of its wings /hj). Wearing species affirming jewelry (like stuff that mimics jesses/anklets or collars) is a major species euphoria boost for me. Also wearing BELLS in any way is great.