#feels so good you just become the machine jesus
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theprissythumbelina · 1 month ago
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Viktor did nothing wrong
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bigwishes · 7 months ago
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Big's Perma Bulk!
(Community Requested Story, about me perma bulking) What's good bros! It's your favourite wish granting genie here to go on my own transformation journey. Normally I send this kind of thing off to another writer but a lot of you wanted me to be transformation using my own Genie gifts so I've waved my hands and started it off.
I made sure to completely forget about what you guys wanted for me to make it even more surprising but considering all you lot drool at a bicep vein I think I'm in good hands.
After waking up I definitely didn't have anything to worry about. I knew all of you just wanted me to become some big sweaty himbo. Just take a look.
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Big arms, thick thighs and a solid chest. I won't lie if I were to make a choice I would of ended up so much bigger than this but hey, it's what you all wanted to I guess I gotta get used to being a himbo stud.
Woah...I guess day two was a little different. I'm a lot bigger ladz so cheers for that but damn, some of this definition is starting to fade. It looks like I'm sliding more to the tank side of the spectrum that the stud side. I'm pretty sure if I move wrong this tank is gonna split in too and my fucking stomach won't stop rumbling, every time I walk in my kitchen I down half a box of cereal, fuck, I should probably take a couple sandwiches back to my desk before I load up some games with the boys.
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'BUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRPP'
aw fuck, sorry about that ladz but damn. I woke up this morning and my stomach feels so tight, it feels like my abs are about to split in half. My shorts are so tight around my ass.
Damn what the fuck did you guys wish to happen to me? A slab of muscle instead of abs is one thing but fuck my gut is so bloated, ah man
'UURRRRRRRRRRPP!!!'
whoops, sorry dudes, fuck this is so tight but I still feel hungry, maybe a protein shake and a bowl of rice wont gut, surely this can't get any tighter.
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ahhh fuck what time is it? 3am?? why the fuck am I so hungry. I didn't even know it was possible to feel hungry and bloated at the same-
BUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPP
ah man, what do I have in the fridge, mmmmm half a pizza, well I'm sure a couple of slices won't hurt. I hit the gym pretty hard today, its probably my body wanting to fuel up. mmm yeah just 3 maybe 6 slices and I'll be good for the night, probably best to turn the light switch on so I don't make a mess...
w--what the fuck happened to me! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I'M SO FUCKING BULKY, OH FUCK
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPP
DAMN....fuck well....at least it doesn't jiggle, probably just bloated from how much I've been eating recently, who knew having such big muscles would make me so hungry all the time...
hmmm, I probably shouldn't leave just 3 slices of pizza in the fridge on their, own, that's not even a snack, 9 slices is alright at this time of night yeah?
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On the bright side, my muscles have continued to blow up to freakish size, my bicep is bigger than most dude's heads. On the other hand....I can't shift this tank around my mid section. I've been trying to eat less to get my abs back but fuck I can't help it, my stomach growls and I gotta eat enough to feed at least 3 people or else it feels like my stomach is gonna eat itself. It's okay, Ill just cut when summer rolls around, use this time to grow as big as I can, bet my abs will look fucking insane in a few months/
Guess the bright side is I can order that nice chocolate cake with my pizza tonight...I'm pretty sure it's cheat night tonight, or was it last night? hmm, no yeah it is definitely tonight?
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UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPP
ah fuck, wh- UUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRPPPPP
what happened - uurp - to me?
a few *hic* days ago I was a lean mean lifting machine
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRPPPPPPPPP
and now...fuck *hic* uuurp- I'm a big, bulky brute
fuu-UUUUUUUURPPPP-ck, my gut is so tight, moving feels like a chore....I'm so fuckin stuffed and hungry at the same time. Who knew my fans would want me to blow up into a 300lsb bulky beast...
damn...I need a shower but, I could really go for a double cheese burger and a snickers protein thick shake, I'm sure it can wait -uuurrpp- maybe I should grab a couple protein bars for the road..
BUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPP!!!!
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I can still feel the spell under my skin, I wonder how much bigger these guys will make me, or what else they'll do...
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ohisms · 3 months ago
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✱˚。⋆ ↪ 𝐀 𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 . ( a collection of lyric prompts based on various works by florence + the machine . adjust phrasing as necessary , will likely be updated in the future . )
it's always darkest before the dawn .
we will find new saints to be canonized .
holy water cannot help you now .
the horses are coming , so you'd better run .
i never felt so alive and so dead .
i'm damned if i do , i'm damned if i don't .
i've always been in love with you .
what has been done cannot be undone .
i don't care whether i live or die .
we will never be afraid again .
i feel nervous in a way that can't be named .
it was so far a fall , but it didn't hurt at all .
the saints can't help me now .
i want to find you and tear out all of your tenderness .
sooner or later , the things you love , you lose .
run fast for your mother , run fast for your father .
i like to think , at least , things can't get any worse .
i would give all this and heaven too .
i was in the darkness , so darkness i became .
all my stumbling phrases never amounted to anything worth this feeling .
in order to get to the heart of things , sometimes you have to cut through .
i'll be dead before the day is done .
time after time , i think "oh lord , what's the use ?"
the heart is hard to translate , it has a language of its own .
it was all so strange and so surreal .
i'm not here looking for absolution .
now and then , it seems that life is just too much .
be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers .
if you could only see the beast you've made of me .
pretty little face stopped me in my tracks .
i'm aching to attack .
you want a revelation , some kind of resolution .
it's so easy to say it to a crowd , but it's so hard to say it to you aloud .
i don't want your heart , it leaves me cold .
i am no mother , i am no bride , i am king .
she's a cruel mistress , and a bargain must be made .
well , me and my ghosts had a hell of a time .
with all my education i can't seem to command my heart .
it's a conversation i just can't have tonight .
you left me in the dark . no dawn , no day .
jesus christ , it hurts .
a woman is a changeling , always shifting shape .
the very thing you're best at is the thing that hurts the most .
i'll cut your little heart out 'cause you made me cry .
i knew that somehow , i could find my way back .
a thousand armies couldn't keep me out .
i'm ready to suffer and i'm ready to hope .
you've got the love i need to see me through .
is this how it is ? is this how it's always been ?
you keep me up at night .
oh , tell me it's not over yet .
no walls can keep me protected .
i'm going out , i'm gonna drink myself to death .
time goes quicker between the two of us .
would you leave me if i told you what i'd done ?
now , there's no holding back .
oh god , you're gonna get it .
you need your rotten heart and dazzling pain like diamond rings .
in the dark , i can hear your heartbeat .
i never knew my killer would be coming from within .
i was never as good as i always thought i was , but i knew how to dress it up .
don't forget me when i let the water take me .
this world is a beast of a burden .
you know i still like you the most .
what a thing to admit .
sometimes i think it's getting better , then it gets much worse .
i'm on fire , but i'm trying not to show it .
you are the space in my bed .
would you have it any other way ?
things go wrong , no matter what i do .
you make a fool of death with your beauty .
now she sleeps with one eye open , and that's the price she'll pay .
they were there when i woke up this morning .
heaven help me , i need to make it right .
until i wrap myself inside your arms , i cannot rest .
when someone looks at me with real love , i don't like it very much .
would you leave me if i told you what i've become ?
i'm always running from something .
it's good to be alive , crying into cereal at midnight .
okay , but let's discuss this at the hospital .
i know everybody lets you down , and i'll do the same .
your heart is the only place i can call home .
i wish to remain nameless , and live without shame .
sometimes i feel like saying "lord , i just don't care" .
i would put my words into poetry for you if i knew how .
if they ever let me out , i'm really gonna let it out .
but know , in some way , i'm there with you .
i've been wandering the streets for days .
don't let them get you down , you're the best thing i've ever seen .
how could anything bad ever happen to you ?
you couldn't have it any other way .
it's the only way i can escape .
what a place to come from .
little did you know your home's really only a town you're just a guest in .
run for your children , for your sisters and brothers .
you can't choose what stays and what fades away .
you'll be sorry that you messed with us .
call me when you need me .
although we stick together , it seems we're stranging each other .
this is as good a place to fall as any .
in your place there were a thousand other faces .
here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope .
lay me down , let the only sound be the overflow .
there's no salvation for me now .
i'd do anything to make you stay .
what's in a name ? i still remain the same .
i've been taking chances , i've been setting myself up for the fall .
tell me what you want me to say .
you are the silence in between what i thought and what i said .
i've been a fool , and i've been blind .
i never knew daylight could be so violent .
regrets collect like old friends , here to visit for your darkest moments .
so you packed your bags just to wait out the shitstorm ?
my doe , my dear , my darling ...
you're my head , you're my heart .
everyone lets you down in this brief hole of a town .
i'm not giving up , i'm just giving in .
i've been losing sleep , i've been keeping myself awake .
sometimes i feel like throwing my hands up in the air .
the only solution was to stand and fight .
i don't know how it started , don't know how to stop it .
i'm done with my graceless heart .
i can never leave the past behind .
do they speak to you ? 'cause they speak to me too .
i thought that love was a kind of emptiness .
it's hard to dance with a devil on your back .
sometimes i wonder if i should be medicated .
every demon wants his pound of flesh .
tell me what all the sighing's about .
could you tell from the moment we met ?
i heard your voice as clear as day ... you told me i should concentrate .
all my girls have their lace and their crimes .
i like to keep some things to myself .
no one asks any questions here .
the feeling comes so fast and i can't control it .
you came over me like some holy rite .
i was screaming out a language i had no idea existed before .
i thought that love was on stage , giving yourself away to strangers .
leave all your love and your longing behind , you can't carry it with you if you want to survive .
i thought that love was in the drugs , but the more i took the more it took away .
i never wanted anything from you , except everything you had and what's left after that too .
i don't want your future , i don't need your past . one grand moment is all i ask .
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leviathanleva · 5 days ago
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Caffè Crema
[Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Civilian!FemReader]
After months of giving your all to a man you barely even knew, you're finally rewarded. He takes off his mask in front of you almost hesitantly and you're overjoyed. Still, you want to, need to know why and so despite your better judgement, you ask him only to receive a laugh in response.
“Wan’ed you to see what the father of yer kids looks like, Birdie.”
[5.1k words] [Slightly NSFW]
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Chapter 3 "Powder"
Simon had expected tension when he’d relied to you the news that he was leaving on deployment soon. But no, you were as chipper as ever, rolling your sleeves instantly and beginning to prepare him for the journey while bombarding him with questions.
It was…different, in a good way. There was no guilt for having to abandon you to fulfill his duty. You were worried, that much was clear, but you didn’t let it bother you enough for him to have to figure out a way to comfort you before leaving.
He was grateful even if he didn’t show it, hoping that the crinkled skin in the corners of his eyes was enough of an indicator.
He stretched lazily on your small couch, feet tucked under your bum as per your usual arrangement, while you absentmindedly folded his freshly washed clothes back into his duffle bag. A random sports channel is playing on the telly, drowning out the silence while he watches you fuss with a shadow of a smile hidden under his mask.
A pile of dry laundry was splayed over the armrest you were leaning against and you plucked each piece with the utmost care, looking over it for any spots that the washing machine hadn’t been able to get rid of before laying into his bag.
“Is this a bullet hole?” You murmur to yourself while looking over a gray knitted blouse, particularly at the edge of one sleeve where the stitching was ruined. You run your thumb over the hole, brows furrowing as you inspect it, then turn to Ghost with a small frown. “There’s a bullet hole in this one. You wanna keep it?”
When he realizes your question is targeted at him, he blinks away the thoughts swirling in his head and shrugs.
“Keep i’, adds character.”
You snort, but fold it regardless and stuff it with the rest of his clothes.
A distant whistling erupts from the kitchen and you stand to dust off the lint from your sweats before scurrying to get the kettle. It doesn’t take long before you reemerge with two steaming mugs in each hand and set one before him on the coffee table. He grumbles out a thank you while sitting up and tugging his mouth free from his mask.
Back tea with milk, just how he likes it, piping hot in a mug big enough for him to comfortably wrap his hand around.
“Gonna make a real good missus.” Ghost murmurs out casually and picks up the mug before taking a prolonged sip and letting his eyelids close at the familiar flavor.
“Yeah? Well, you’d make an awful husband.” You joke, playing along with the innocent understanding that he’s joking and not trying to figure out how to get your ring size without making it obvious. You kick at his knee with your own, a playful smile tugging on your lips. “You never fight with me over anything. Even when I try new cooking recipes off the internet.”
He mulls over your words for a moment, eyes focused on his steaming beverage.
“Didn’ leave no marks on me las’ night. Can complain abou’ tha’.”
“Jesus Christ, Simon.” You gasp and sputter to place a palm over his mouth, thrusting yourself into him as he fights off your flailing hands with ease. “Don’t say such things!”
“Why no’? ‘m just ‘aving a fight with me wife is all.” His teasing doesn’t relent but he lets you press your weight on him and guide him down into the cushions of the sofa. There’s a rumble coming from his chest, a series of snorts as he watches you struggle to keep from becoming completely flustered.
“Oh my God, stop! Stop it!” you’re already a flushed mess, he can feel your face burning from his position beneath you as you fight your wrists free from his loose grip.
“Tryin’a mount me like you did las’ nigh’, Birdie?” His hands come to rest on your waist, the words slipping past him just before you press both your palms against his mouth with a doe-eyed look on your face. He holds you steady, a wolfish smirk making his canines peak beneath his upper lip.
For a moment he thinks your abashed state will hit its limit and you might faint right on the spot, what will the uneven breathing and shaky arms, flared nostrils and quivering bottom lip.
“Shut! Shhh. No more sinful talk. Awful man you are, I’ll never marry you.”
An empty threat that only makes his smirk grow as his chocolate browns twinkle up at you adoringly. It doesn’t cross his mind even for a second that you’re unaware of just how serious he is and how much planning has gone on inside his thick skull over the past few days.
It’s okay, you don’t need to fret over such things, all you need to do is say yes when he finds you a pretty enough ring.
“Gonna behave now, old dog?” You ask and hesitantly free his mouth before settling down on top of him and crossing your arms, a hint of a victorious aura to your puffed-out chest and twitchy smile.
He pats your bum ever so gently and sits up abruptly, causing you to slide into his lap. The power imbalance tips in his favor as soon as he’s looming over you, wide shoulders and muscly arms making you nearly disappear in his embrace. He bumps his nose into yours, head bent down to your level and tongue flicking out to wet his lips.
You swallow thickly, your heart leaping in your throat and staying there as he lingers just on the edge of kissing you. And he’s already pawing at the waistband of your bottoms, greedily trying to slip his thick fingers beyond and toward the comfortable warmth of your sex.
A shiver crawls up your spine and a pleasant tingle settles low in your tummy. Your head snaps towards the digital clock propped above the TV.
“Stop it.” You scold, push him away from sniffling at your neck like a curious wolf and again on his back before slipping out of his lap. “Greedy old dog. I have to go shopping or else you’ll be having fried air with a side of nothing.”
A displeased grumble reaches your ears as you make your way towards the bedroom, intent on changing. You scoff, roll your eyes at your roommate’s childish pouting. Flicking the lights on, you trudge towards your wardrobe, your shared wardrobe although shared was a very generous way of putting it. Aside from a pile of boxers and socks and the occasional black top, there wasn’t much of Simon’s attire.
You wondered if this was all he had while slipping into a pair of jeans, thought over the fact that he did look like a guy who’d be caught dead before going out clothing shopping. It was a sad realization, you made a mental note to buy him some more things when your next paycheck arrived or when he decided to leave another wad of cash on the kitchen counter and label it as rent money.
At least he had a toothbrush, even though with how used and abused it looked, you considered getting him a new one alongside other male toiletries like soap that didn’t smell like wildflowers and shampoo that was a bit less strawberry scented.
After donning a comfy hoodie and walking to the hallway to put on your shoes, you glance at him and see him molding into the couch while his stare is glued to the screen and his brow is visibly lowered in displeasure.
“You can either sulk or you can come with me and get your blood going.” You suggest and straighten up once you’d tied your laces. He didn’t budge, only gave you a side glance. So you try again, more softly this time. “I’d like the company.”
You bat your lashes at him prettily, toss him a girlish smile and coquettishly slip on your jacket and he’s just a man after all, he gets up and pats down his top before joining you.
Coaxing him to do anything was never difficult, all that was needed from you was to look weak and cute and like you’d yield the moment he lumbered over to you. You liked to think you were special and that he wouldn’t bend the knee to just anyone, but then again you hadn’t seen Simon interacting with other people.
Most of your time together, all of your time together, was spent within the confines of your home. Ghost wasn’t one for going out, he was selfish like that, liked you all to himself, and with your attention nowhere else to be set except for him and his needs. You didn’t mind, it was cute in a way. He was needy and touch-starved even if he refused to admit it aloud.
Poor old dog, you’d take good care of him.
Although while you were locking the front door and felt him hook a pinkie finger around yours and lead you down the stairs, you got to thinking. Maybe you were more of a dog than him. You were the one bowing your head to his every wish and did anything you could think of to please him. It was one of your greatest pleasures to slave over him because he’d been so tired and beaten down when you’d first kind of “adopted” him.
Then again, he’d sort of made you adopt him. He’d just brought his things over and hadn’t left. You were certain he would have if you’d just said something, but you never had, you hadn’t confronted him about any of the weird things he’d done so far. Maybe it was too late now or maybe he’d just bury himself between your legs and lap at you until you were near unconscious like the last time he had when you’d seemed displeased. Or maybe he’d actually disappear and never come back and even though you’d known him for a couple of months, something sinisterly painful jabbed at your heart at just the image.
No, this was fine. You were happy to have him. Right…?
The grocery store wasn’t too far away, you could get to it on foot easily. Although something felt off. As you walked down the street with Simon in tow, you noticed the quick, ridged glances you were receiving from people of all kinds of ages. Some of them even made the effort of walking out of your way or taking sharp turns to avoid the two of you.
It was an odd experience, one that also subtly tickled a particular pleasure gland in your brain.
Was this what having a scary dog privilege was like? If so, then you were having the time of your life.
If only people knew what an actual sweetheart your companion was, they’d double over laughing at their first assumptions. But they never would because Ghost was yours.
When you picked up a cart that required both your hands to steer, you felt a tug at your jeans and glanced down to see he had hooked one finger around the belt strap on your side. You offer him a soft snort and try to bite back the grin that was growing on your face.
The place was full as expected, newly stocked as well for the weekend shopping most customers did around your area.
As you made your way through the aisles you scolded yourself for not scribbling down a list of what you needed, then proceeded to pick up a good amount of garlic and onion because most dishes need one or both aplenty. Wouldn’t hurt to have more even if you already had some back home.
Slowly, but steadily, your cart begins to fill the more you walk around and your vision falls on something that you were running low on. Funnily enough, since your new roommate, you’d found yourself having to shop more than once a week. He had a ravenous appetite and you liked that about him, liked having someone there to enjoy your cooking.
Living alone was a blessing, but it did get lonely sometimes.
And before you’d just make something hasty and easy for yourself, too busy with work, too tired after work, or just too lazy and not seeing the appeal of treating yourself. But now, you had someone who depended on you and it felt exhilarating to prepare meals and have another mouth to feed. It didn’t matter to you that Ghost wasn’t big on verbal praises in regards to the food you made him or the care you put into him.
You were happy just having him contently lounging on your couch and stroking your thigh while you lay beside him.
“Milk, eggs, cheese, butter, Simon, you’re tugging too much.” You call back while sifting through the egg cartons and trying to find one that has all ten eggs intact. When the tugging didn’t relent and you received no answer, you turned back with the intent of scolding the silent giant. “Simon, I said you’re – ”
But it wasn’t Simon. He was on your opposite side, staring downward. You follow his gaze to find a little sprout of a being hooked to your jeans and looking up at you with just as much confusion.
Apparently, the toddler had seen your tall, dark, and handsome partner linked to you and with their guardian nowhere to be found, she’d done the same. A child’s mind will forever stay a mystery to you.
The child doesn’t look older than five or four, with large eyes and a small mouth that was shaking with uncertainty while she gawked up at you in a silent plea. The jacket she had on made her look like a walking square, her hands barely poked out of the sleeves. She’d be adorable if not for the tear-stained cheeks that immediately tugged at your heartstrings.
You shake off the shock that has stiffened your joints and push your cart away.
“Hey, there.” You coo gently, shoo both of their hands off your jeans before they end up pulling them off your hips, and kneel down to greet the poor thing that was already hiccupping with sobs. “Hey, little Darling. Where’s your mommy? Did you get lost?”
When the waterworks start again, you gently pet her back.
“There, there. Let it out, it’s okay.”
You curse yourself for not packing any tissues in your bag and wipe the tears off her chubby cheeks with your thumbs.
“It’s okay, Sweetheart.” You soothe, glance up at Ghost to see him standing there silently and watching the encounter unravel with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Typical guy. “Can you tell me your name? Your mommy’s name?”
“Julie.” Was the choppy, nasally answer you receive as the toddle clumsily wipes the snot in the sleeve of her jacket.
“Is that your name or your mommy’s name?” You ask while unzipping her jacket enough to get it off her mouth and find it coated in a sheen of saliva.
Tissues, wet wipes, freaking toilet paper, you would have liked to have something to wipe the poor thing clean, but of course when you needed your supplies most, nothing but your wallet and chewing gum were in your bag.
“My name is Julie. Mommy’s name is Mommy.”
You would have giggled at that answer if Julie wasn’t pouring out her little heart’s sorrow in front of you. Instead, you nod with an okay and rise to face Ghost while resting your hands on your hips. From what you can see around you, nobody is looking around frantically for a lost toddler so you sigh and run a hand over your hair, thinking.
“Might have to take her to reception and make an announcement. Or the mom might already be there.” You say and give the hulking behemoth a once over before cocking your head to the side. “I’ve got the cart. You mind taking her?”
You take a step back, but by the uneasy looks both of them are giving you, it dawns on you that playing mediator was your next step before taking the child along.
“It’s okay.” You give Julie a warm smile, eyes moving between her and Ghost while he also squats down, a foot away from you as not the scare the little thing. “This is Simon. He’s really nice, I promise. He’s my best friend, in fact, he won’t hurt you. Promise.”
It takes some more convincing on your part before the toddler agrees to be picked up by your companion, but once he’d set her on his shoulders to scan the area for her parents, she seemed as cheerful as a cherub. Apparently, she’d never been held that high off the ground before, it was a whole new experience for her, and by the way Simon supported her back with a hand larger than her head and the gentle shine in his eyes, you could tell he wasn’t having too bad of a time either.
You make your way towards the reception desk, accompanied by a symphony of kiddish giggles, your grocery shopping left on the back burner until you relieve yourselves of your new bundle of joy.
Squeals would come from Julie every so often as she fidgeted around on Simon’s shoulders, her pudgy hands splayed in his dirty blond locks or tugging gently on his ears. It suited him being in charge of a little one, the fatherly appeal caused a pleasant knot to tighten in your chest and you tried to wipe the wide grin off your lips, but you just couldn’t.
“Hi, good evening.” You call out to the staff on the other end of the wide reception desk, thankfully catching their attention just before they turned their back on you. “Hi…We found this little girl in the dairy aisle, haven’t been able to find her parents. Would you be able to make an announcement maybe?” You lean in and lower your voice, glancing back briefly to see Julie preoccupied with giggling while toying with Simon’s free hand to hear. “We don’t know the names of the parents. I tried asking but…no dice. Her name is Julie.”
It takes less than ten minutes of you hanging about the reception after the announcement was made, while Ghost entertains the lively toddler, for you to see a flushed woman hurrying your way with her purse clutched under her arm.
You straighten up and adjust your jacket before taking a few small steps forward.
“Oh thank God. Julie!” The mother you presume, presses a hand to her chest when she sees her baby girl atop your roommate’s shoulders. “Thank goodness.”
She surges forward before plucking her child from Ghost’s hand and squishing her to her cheek with a relieved expression softening her earlier strained features. You guess Julie would have been just as vocally ecstatic if her face wasn’t immediately squished to her mom’s neck. You watch her flail for a bit before being maneuvered on her side so she can say a thank you.
“Thank you so much! I turned around for a second and – ”
“ – It’s not a problem.” You chirp back, waving your hands to hopefully dismiss the built-up anxiety that had the mother’s eyes still as wide as saucers. A polite smile adorns your lips, your gestures open and stance friendly to ease the poor woman before she suffers a heart attack at your feet.
“I hope she didn’t give you any trouble.” She says while smoothing out her daughter’s hair lovingly and pressing a feverish kiss to her forehead, earning a giggle in response. Then she extends a hand towards you, which you shake with pleasure. “She can be a bit of a handful. My name is Lily, by the way. I’m sorry to have to meet like this.”
“No trouble at all, ma'am.” You nod, let her shake Simon’s hand as well while you give her your name, and toss a fleeting glare at your loving roommate for not offering his. “We’re happy to help. Nice to meet you.”
“Thank you again, bless you. Say thank you, Julie.” Lily urges and gently grabs Julie’s arm before waving it at both of you. She turns then, readjusts the toddler in her arms, and offers you one last farewell before walking away. “Have a good evening and thank you.”
Despite both the distance and the chatty surge of people around you, you can hear Lily scolding her daughter under her breath before returning to the cart she’d abandoned. It all makes you laugh, especially hearing the muffled mumbles of protest as Julie stares at you and Ghost over her mother’s shoulder.
You wave at her one last time before fetching your discarded grocery cart and rolling it to Simon’s side.
“Didn’t know you were so good with kids.” There’s a teasing note to your tone as you glance at him from under your lashes, hiding a smirk behind the collar of your jacket.
You take the lead, slowly making your way back between the aisles while skimming around for any products you might have skipped past the first time.
“Didn’t eithe’.” He says softly as if the whole situation was the most foreign thing he’d ever witnessed. As if this had been the first time he’d held a toddler, it was heartwarming to feel the thought behind his absentminded voice.
“You’d make a great dad one day.” You hum and poke at his side with your elbow to make him look down at you only to beam up at him.
He’s silent for a while as you stop by the stacks of instant ramen, eyes never leaving yours as his head tilts to one side.
“Tha’ so?”
“Absolutely.” You respond with confidence before breaking your heartfelt eye contact to pick out a packet of noodles for rainy days when you don’t feel like cooking. “Maybe I’ll get to be the Godmother.”
You miss the way he arches an eyebrow at your statement as if you’d said the most blatantly inaccurate thing ever. You miss the way his chocolate brows fall down to your belly where they stay for a suspicious amount of time while he thinks over how nice it would be for you to go shopping with a wee one fussing about in your cart.
For the rest of your stay in the grocery store, Simon was noticeably more touchy. Instead of hooking himself to your jeans, he had a hand pressed to your lower back, thumb rubbing circles into your jacket, hard enough for you to feel. You didn’t question it, thinking his good mood was probably due to your encounter with Julie earlier, the toddler did boost his spirits up after all. He persisted while you were making your way home, holding the groceries in one hand while keeping his other on you.
Nothing seemed out of normal to you while you were outside besides him being a little needier than usual. You didn’t ask about it and didn’t tease him either, instead, you were trying to figure out what to cook up tomorrow because you had all the time you could wish for since it was Saturday. Then again, you had other chores to tend to. There was the washing up, hoovering, dusting.
But as soon as you twisted your key in the lock and stepped inside your now-shared apartment, he had you practically pinned against the wall. Grabby hands were fumbling to get your jacket off while you kicked off your shoes and spat mewling protests against the bulk of his shoulder.
Between getting you and himself undressed, you managed to slip out of his grip and pattered to the kitchen hurriedly, groceries in hand. You barely managed to set them on the table before Ghost twirled you around in his arms like you weighed nothing and bent you over the counter.
“Simon!” You hiss back and fuss to get yourself free. “What’s gotten you so riled up all of a sudden?” You feel a prominent bulge press against the soft curve of your ass and squeal. “Darling, please! At least take me to the bedroom first.”
A “tsk” comes from behind you and you’re about to yap at him that that’s no way to respond to the person who’ll be making him breakfast tomorrow, but the air is knocked out of your lungs as you’re picked up with ease and flopped over his shoulder like a potato sack.
“Simon!” You thump a weak fist against his back as he carries you down the hallway and it still makes you laugh that he needs to duck past your kitchen door, despite the situation. “Talk to me, Darling? Please? Not that I mind, but I need to put the groceries in the fridge and – ”
He tosses you on the bed and crawls on top of you, the mattress dipping under his weight. There’s a certain flare to his eyes as he stares you down and you feel a lump form in your throat before you force it down and coo up at him.
“Wanna tell me what’s been going on in that pretty head of yours?”
You try to squirm away but only end up with his erection lodged between your thighs and his body weight locking you down against the sheets. A moan slips past your lips before you cup his cheeks and run your thumbs over his eyebrows to ease the tension that’s built up there.
“Tell me, please?” You urge while getting comfortable beneath him and swatting away the hand he has toying with the button of your jeans. You lock your legs around his thick waist and pull him a little closer. “Please?”
He doesn’t respond right away, apparently smacking his hand off you thrust him into a spree of thoughts. You wait patiently, one hand scratching at his scalp tenderly while the other stays on his cheek. He looks away from you after a while, something you don’t quite comprehend darkening his moment of contemplation as he mulls over a decision you can only guess at.
His earlier desperation has all but vanished, leaving you absolutely confused.
“Si…Darling.”
You don’t expect him to turn back to you with pain glistening in those brown orbs you like so much before he props himself up on one elbow. Don’t expect the uneven movements of his hand as he slowly, timidly takes one of the black bands holding his mask in place and unfurls it from his ear before taking the little slip off entirely. He places it by your head and adjusts himself on both elbows, a thin-lipped frown tugging the corners of his mouth down as he watches avidly for your reaction.
A pang of guilt surges through you because of how long you’d been silently staring back at him in the darkness of your room. The street lamps illuminate the walls, illuminate his bare face as well.
His. Bare. Face.
The one he’d been hiding since you’d first met, the one you hadn’t seen even when you’d seen the rest of him stark naked whenever you made love. It doesn’t register at first, that you can see his whole face, that he’d finally let you see all of him.
Then your chest flourishes, it feels like exploding in a heap of budding flowers and a breathless laugh leaves your lips, one of joy, of an achievement long overdue, finally accomplished.
You hesitantly cup his cheeks again, this time feeling the light stubble grazing your soft skin.
“Hey…” You manage out, fighting to kick away the surprise and give him the love he deserves for taking such a step forward. “Hey, handsome old dog.”
Your tender expression forces him to halt his breathing altogether before he buries himself in the safety of your neck, breathing you in slowly, the familiar scent calming his strained nerves. You feel the muscles on his back ripple under your touch as you run your hand over his form tenderly, feel his chest expand with every strictly controlled breath he takes.
“Hey…” He murmurs back, greeting muffled into your skin as you rest a trembling hand against the back of his head and sink your fingers into his short hair.
You hadn’t even paid attention to the scars littering his battle-honed skin, they’d been the last thing on your mind as you’d taken him in. He was ruggedly charming, uniquely handsome, it boggled you why he so fiercely hid his face when there was nothing wrong with him. But that was a discussion for another day, you pushed down your bubbling questions and just let the moment consume you.
You feel his lips move against your neck as he swallows, and nuzzle your cheek against his crown lovingly before closing your eyes with a sigh. He relents when you nudge him with your nose to lift his head before pressing a kiss to his nose, then his cheeks, his chin and forehead before finally planting your lips on his. His desperation to remove your bottoms returns then and he’s back at toying with your button and zipper.
You let him take off your jeans while you tug at his jacket, leaving it to pool on the floor before he eases himself out of his blouse and nestles back above you. Your feet come to rest on his strong calves, hands in his hair and glazing over his back as he loses himself in your skin, nipping incessantly at your collarbone while silently asking for you to take off your top and let him feast on more than just your neck.
And as always, you’re pliant when he’s finally caught you under his bulk. You push him off enough to discard the article of clothing before letting yourself fall back into the sheets, mewling happily while he laps at your flesh like a man starved.
A heat pools in your loins, one you try to soothe by pushing your hips up into his and earning yourself a choked growl that makes you quiver with excitement.
But a question keeps nagging at you no matter how heated you become and how low his insatiable lips travel down your body. You hum when his nose nudges the hem of your panties and you stop him before he can pull them off and descend on your gathering slick.
“So…” You begin through a strained voice and glance down at him, finding his eyes already locked on you. Your mouth goes dry, throat tightening, but you force yourself to ask. You need to know, if nothing else, at least this. “What’s the occasion?”
He laughs at your hesitation, a deep, rumbling laugh choir that should come from the monsters in your childhood fairytales, not the man about to stuff his face between your thighs.
“Wan’ed you to see what the father of yer kids looks like, Birdie.”
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<<< Chapter 2
Chapter 4 >>>
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uzurimisery · 4 months ago
Text
the space between two bodies. / satosugu x reader / part 1
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Warnings: MDNI, happy ending, angst, cheating (not really this is explained in part 2), unhealthy relationships/coping mechanisms, suicidal ideation, depression, smut, no sorcery au, unedited
A/N: I started thinking about Gojo with anxiety and nihilist Geto and then what that looks like in a poly relationship with someone as flawed as they are
part two
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“We’re sorry but we’ve decided to go with another candidate now. We will retain your information on file should a more suitable role open up.” 
The email stared back at you, the words on your phone screen blurring as droplets of rain hit it as you read it over for the hundredth time. Today was just another shitty fucked up day in the endless string of shitty fucked up days that had become your life. The third consecutive month of unemployment in a row. At least previously you could get temp jobs but now each day that passed just ate away at you with how useless you felt. 
Pocketing your phone, you pull out a 100 yen coin and put it in the vending machine.
You didn’t even like your old job but Jesus it was like no one was actually hiring. And when you did get an interview, you’d get ghosted afterward. On the rare occasion they didn’t ghost you, you’d receive a rejection letter like this one. It was preferable, you supposed, that your existence and effort were at least acknowledged, no matter how much it stung. Still hurt like a bitch to be told you weren’t good enough. 
Anything would be better than this, fuck you’d take being overworked and underpaid if it felt like you were doing something. This endless cycle of gnawing uncertainty and applications, interviews, followed by rejections. Worse than that you were out of deodorant and trying to find some in Japan was a Herculean effort. 
Yeah, it’s been a shit go and you’re fucking exhausted.
Maybe you’d go be an English teacher like everyone else who moves to Japan. You wouldn’t need a co-teacher so the pay would be better if you were just starting out. Not that you wanted to teach again dear god that was less than ideal. Thank god you had settled status. The thought of having to deal with visa issues at the same time made you feel sick. 
Maybe you could work at a host club. You turned, staring at your reflection in the glass. Your boobs weren’t half bad as you pushed them up from the underside like a push-up bra would. Or sell feet pictures. The market was probably oversaturated at this point but maybe there would be some interest.
Wait Jesus had your hair looked like that all day? Fuck. No wonder that girl kept staring at you on the train she thought you were a lunatic.
Sighing you press the button for 4H. It wasn’t like you’d always been this way, sort of drifting in a sea of uncertainty abroad your boat of doubt with no wind to guide your sails. There was a period of time, maybe a five-year stretch after you had graduated from university where your life was on track. An entry-level job in your degree field, a long-term boyfriend turned fiance, wedding planning, and a great group of friends. Shit, you had it all. 
The fiance was the first to go. 
As it turns out, finding your fiance in bed with the girl he swore you didn’t have to worry about, his tongue halfway down her throat like he’s trying to do an endoscopy, is a terrible way to find out you’re being cheated on. When he noticed you standing in the doorway he had the gall to sputter some bullshit about how it was your fault it happened. You were too focused on your work, you didn’t give him attention, blah, blah, blah. It was you who broke the relationship up by working so much and being married to your job. And as he paid for the overpriced four-bedroom apartment in an area of Tokyo that you didn’t even like, you lost the apartment in the breakup. 
You couldn’t slum dog millionaire your life away on Shoko and Utahime’s couch forever eating tubs of ice cream and binging TV after that, so everyone told you, or rather forced you, to move in with Suguru and Satoru. Bouncing around from couple to couple. It did give you some stability and just as things go up so must they come down. 
The company you were working for was liquidated after an investigation by the federal government found years of tax fraud. Luckily they got bought out, and you thought maybe if you put in work you could still climb the ladder. But all those late nights in the office, conbini dinners, and unpaid overtime, you were just another name on a severance list.
It felt like waves were crashing over you, each one larger than the rest. Almost like you were tied to a dock during a hurricane, a tsunami, or some fucking natural disaster that threatened to drown you if you didn’t hold onto something but there wasn’t much to hold on to. You could hold onto the minuscule amount of friendships that you had at least. It was far too awkward and messy to keep up with anyone else other than your main four since the rest were so tied to your ex-fiance and his life. Stupid fucking lawyer. 
The four of you were close-ish. Less close since Shoko had gone on rotation at a university on the other side of Tokyo. It meant she and Utahime had moved nearer to it since Utahime was willing to commute. But Suguru and Satoru were still close with you and still dating.  Biting as that felt at times. 
You met Geto first in a shared philosophy lecture. One of those run-of-the-mill ones, but the content that really got the two of you talking was nihilism. It was the seminar groups after class you shared where he really saw you. Stripped away of pretenses and your nerves laid bare. Not just another face in a lecture hall but something more, something human. The deep indents of nails in your palms and the rubbing of your hands together under the table. He had seen right through you, recognized the darker parts of himself in you- it made you feel understood.
The machine made a mechanical noise and the lights flickered. Sighing you kick the machine lightly to see if anything happens, if life could give you this one thing today that you so desperately needed. Just like everything else, nothing goes your way and your stupid drink stays logged on the shelf. So like every reasonable person you kick the machine again. 
“Stupid fucking piece of shit machine,” you murmur a growing string of profanities under your breath as you repeatedly kick the machine
.
All you wanted was one of those ¥100 coffee drinks that were loaded with caffeine to keep going through your slog of a day was that so hard? Maybe it would be best if you just packed it up and called it quits. Move back home with your parents and be berated daily. Why aren’t you married? Why did you and Kosuke break up? When are they going to get some grandchildren? They aren’t getting any younger you know. Face the cutting shame of fucking up another opportunity, another chance. 
What was the point in trying anymore when you couldn’t even get a stupid drink that you don't honestly even want at this point out of a vending machine so you can go home and masturbate to audio porn before you cry yourself to fucking sleep? 
Suguru’s voice cut through the spiral of thoughts, your name on his lips. 
“What are you doing here? I thought you had an interview and you’d be home late?” 
Of course, he’d catch you like this. 
“Hey Sugs,” it came out as a groan as you kicked the machine again, a loud clang following as your drink hit the bottom of the dispenser. Bending down, you grab the can before turning and facing him. “I did.” 
“How’d it go?”
“Like shit.” Maybe you should work on your delivery. This flat effect is really making you should like a bitch. Are you a bitch? 
Geto’s eyes raked over you, infuriatingly calm and measured. He was always so carefully disheveled, the type of person to look effortlessly put together no matter the occasion. Stupid name-brand black sweater over a white button-down half tucked into chinos with a chain on the belt. His hair, shiny and perfect, was neatly tucked into his signature half-up-hald-down look to keep the strand out of his eyes, minus the one for style. Notably, he was wearing his glasses for once, sleek frames perks on a tall nose. Oh, he smelt nice too, his sandalwood and bergamot cologne hitting you as he stepped closer, extending his umbrella to cover the two of you. Fuck he was so handsome it wasn’t fair.
“I'm sorry to hear that,” Geto replied softly.
You shrugged, trying to brush it off. “ It is what it is.”
But the reality of it clung to you and drug you down, down, down into the depths of your psyche. That small, scared feeling you tried so hard to suppress started bubbling up again, twisting your insides into knots. It made you feel sick, so much like a lost little child in a world that had grown far too big and complex. Here it was, rearing its ugly head, in front of one of the top ten people you never wanted to see in such a shit state.
But that's all Gojo and Geto do at this point. They pick up the broken, crumbling pieces of yourself that slip between your fingers. You feel like a cracked vase leaking water all over the place no matter how desperately they try and patch up the ceramic. Each day the gap between you and them grows more apparent. They were both soaring and you were falling to the ground and rolling around in the mud. 
Geto had just done a four-page spread in Architects Digest, even though he was a pretentious motherfucker who hated the magazine. And Gojo… God, he’d just opened for Prada at Paris Fashion Week. They went viral on every social media platform a while back for how hot and gay they were. You’d been caught in the crossfire of your accounts being tagged and gained a social media boost, but that also meant a bunch of people DMing you telling you to take pictures of them. 
The most fucked up thing about it all was the gnawing feeling that chewing on your bones that you were being dragged around like an accessory to remind them how good they had it. A permanent third wheel they’ve been stuck with since university. Two talented lovers on the brink of permanent importance and their weird little friend who follows them along like a lost puppy. It wasn’t even true and that's why it hurt so much. You knew they believed in you, thought that you could be a successful artist, and supported you in it even, but the jealousy rotted inside you like a festering wound. You weren’t even jealous of their success, only just partial, but it was like you weren’t good enough to be around them. 
Maybe you were better off as wall decor in the life they were building together. Something quiet and serene that didn’t demand anything from them. Better that than the bitter, jealous mess you were every time you saw them succeed.
He starts, the same spiel he goes to when you get like this. “You can always-”
“No.” your voice comes out sharper than you intended, but you don’t care. 
“I don’t know why you act like it’s such a bad off,” Suguru presses, his calm demeanor only pissing you off more.  
“I don’t want to work for you.” 
“Why not.” 
You snap. “Because I don’t want to, Suguru! Is that so hard to understand?”
Fuck, you wanted to storm off, go back to the house, and slam the door behind you as you went. But it didn’t matter if you stormed off, you lived in one of his guest bedrooms. Both of you were just headed to the same place. Sad little rescue that you were.
Suguru assessed, his eyes softened, breaking you down. He picked out every one of your insecurities as he stared at you. Microscopic inspection, each of your cells was being assessed for your state of being. Have you eaten? Was it enough? Had you slept? Are you even capable of taking care of yourself in this state? 
The weight of his gaze made your chest tighten, and before you could control it, try and reel it back in, tears welled up in your eyes. Blinking them back, you swallowed hard, the lump in your throat bobbing as you did. You hated this. Hated the way his care, his pity, felt like a knife twisting in the last remaining shred of pride you clung to. 
Pity was the killy of pride and you should accept that your pride was already decomposing in the septic tank in the backyard. 
Fuck up, fuck up, fuck up. All you ever were, all you’d ever be. Every loose thread of your shirt feels like it's cutting against your skin. The hem of your trousers drowns your feet like you're wearing your parents' clothes. Shabby. Uncouth. Inept. 
Wordlessly, you turned on your heel and fled, rushing out of the side street as the tears spilled past your lash line. You couldn’t do this anymore--no more questions, no more pity. No matter how hard you tried, how hard you struggled, clawed your way through the fucking dirt, you could never be like them. Never be good like theme, never right like them, never fit like them. They had these perfect little lives that they could boast to everyone about. When they spoke, people listened. People cared what they had to say. The world parted for them, it was the Red Sea and they were Moses, making space. There’d always be room for them to shine. 
But you were screaming into a void, your throat raw, bloody, and you were aching from the endless effort to be seen, to be heard. You wanted to be looked at like your own person, your own successes. Hard to be noticed for something that rarely happened. No matter how loud you screamed, how much you begged, your voice was just lost in the noise. 
You knew Suguru would follow. He always did. Even if you didn’t live in the same house, he’d have followed you. His voice was muffled by the pressure in your ears but you could hear him trying to talk to you. He let you get all the way home and inside the gate of the house before he grabbed your wrist and yanked you backward. 
Trying to pull away, your shoulder wrenched painfully as you trashed in his grip. 
“Calm down,” Suguru spoke firmly, pulling you into his chest. His sweater was soft, and your face smushed against the fabric as sobs wrecked your body, trembling like the earth in an earthquake.
It was hard to speak through the tears, so all you could do was try and slip out of his hold as you sobbed. You didn’t want this comfort. You wanted to run from your failure. From how suffocating life felt and that no matter what you'd never be enough. Worse than that, the sweet sickly feeling that trickled down your throat that when he held your life this, it made the world feel just a little bit more bearable. As if somewhere you could survive another day if he kept touching you. It wasn’t yours to feel and he wasn’t yours to hold. 
Suguru lets you wiggle around. You hit his torso a few times, your strength fading as you cry. When your sobs turned to hiccups and gasps for breaths, he gently cupped your face, thumbs brushing away the tears that still spilled from your eyes. 
“Talk to me,” he said softly, barely above a whisper. The songs of a city nearly eclipsing it. 
What could you say? How could you explain this feeling? This horrible guilt, pain, and jealousy ate away at you every single day. The tears came harder now, speeding up as if to help drown you in your misery and take you out of it for good. Hiccuping you drew breath, sharp and quick, hoping to speak but nothing comes out. Words claw at your throat, digging it with sharpened points. It hurts the way they hang onto you.
“Is it all too much again?” His voice is so soft, warm like fleece pajamas fresh out of the dryer as he holds you so delicately.
This wasn’t the first time that one of the three of you had been so consumed by dread, suffocated by the weight of life itself. Suguru knew it all too well himself, from high school to know he held it tightly in his hands. It never went away from him, he just learned to live with it, let it fade into the background, and let a constant hum of despair serve as the baseline for the day-to-day. 
His thumbs brush over the apex of your cheekbones again and the tenderness shatters you, another wave of sobs tearing through you. They pull you under, out into the open ocean, and through their rip current.
“I just..” you start, it scratches your throat, thick with phlegm. “ I can’t do this anymore.” 
His voice remained steady. “Do what?” 
“Any of it. I can’t do it.” 
“You’re capable of it. You can do it.” 
Jarring, rough, whipping across your skin as the rubber band pulls too tight and snaps. You lash out, and it stings where it hits. The anger cuts through your skin like your fingernails leave crescent moons in your palms. 
“No, I fucking can’t!” It's ripped out of you as you stalk away like a wounded animal. “I can’t okay. I can’t do shit. I can’t keep a relationship without being cheated on. I can’t manage to get my own place. I can’t get a fucking job. I can’t sit here and pretend like I’m not fucking wasting away in my own misery watching you and Gojo and Shoko all succeed and be the only one of us still shooting for the stars and coming crashing down to earth every single fucking time. You and Gojo with your perfect little lives look at me like a charity case to be fixed.”
“We have never looked at you like a charity case.” His tone was firm.
“Really? Then what the fuck do you look at me like, huh?” You press the question circling back around. “Is it pity? Did the two of you see some poor stray that you wanted to take in and keep like a pet when we met at university? Is that it?” 
His eyes were hard, unreadable.
“It is that. You pity me.”
“Jesus, no! We don’t pity you- I don’t pity you! Is it so hard to believe that I care about you?”
“Yes, it is! There’s no reason for you to care,” 
“What the hell wouldn’t I care?” Suguru’s voice raised to a shout, frustration cracking his facade. 
“Because I’m just like everyone you hate!” Your chest heaves as you let out a flood of emotions. “ No ambitions, contributing nothing to society, just leeching off others.” 
“You’re not like them.” 
“I am. On paper, I’m exactly like them. The only reason that you’d keep me around is because it makes you feel good to watch me suffer or you pity me.”
“How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t pity you?” His voice cracked with emotion, but you didn’t stop.
“Then tell me why you care!” It comes out so desperately. You're begging him for understanding, to know why he stays. To know why he lets you in.
For once he looked uncertain. His mask slipped, revealing the cracks in his facade. It’s been so long since you’ve seen underneath it you’d almost forgotten how he looked when he wasn’t pretending to be happy. 
“Or is it that you don’t care?” 
Something flashed in his eyes, flickerings of things you only saw when he looked at Gojo. He opens his mouth to speak and then closes it. There's a fear in his eyes, like if he acts in this moment something may crack and crumble like the foundation of a house that leaves him crumpled in a pile of wood. He doesn’t, or won’t, give you an answer. 
So you turn on your heel, the conversation over in your mind, and head to the front door. You’ll go up and pack a bag before heading across town and crashing on Shoko and Utahime’s couch before calling your parents and groveling to them. 
But as you reach the door, Suguru reaches you. His arm wraps around your waist and he spins you around and pushes your back against it. He’s got you pinned. 
“It’s because I love you.” It’s the faintest breeze that passes from his lips, like a car driving past on a hot day, sweat making your shirt stick to you. “I care because I love you.”
Everything is frozen in a still frame. Neither one of you moves, neither one of you breathes. A still moment that holds you tight, threatens to squeeze you so tightly your heart bursts. 
“What do you mean by that?” You swallow as you speak, like pebbles in your throat. 
Suguru blinks back tears, looking up and then back at you. “That I love you. Fuck! I’m in love with you.” 
Disbelief makes your voice shake. “No, you’re not not. You’re with Satoru.” 
“And? I can’t love both of you?” 
“No, you can’t,” Hypocrisy tastes acrid on your tongue. You know damn well you could never pick between the two of them, that this blighted jealousy you feel towards them is more the fact they have the other rather than their success. It’s something you don’t admit but it’s there. “Besides, you’re lying to me.”
“No.” His response was firm and immediate. The whole time you’d known them, their worlds had revolved around each other. They’d been the only thing for each other for so long. It was an unspoken truth that they were made for each other in a way that could only be sewn by the fabric of the universe itself. Something so profoundly and divinely created it had been written in the fabric of life at the moment of the Big Bang. 
“I’ve seen you watching.” Suguru’s tone is low, cutting, it vibrates through you as he has you pinned. 
A sick, icy dread wraps around your spine. It starts in your toes and crawls up your body. Your muscles lock in place as it climbs up until it's all the way in your head. Paralyzing fear grips you.
“I don't…” The lie is transparent before it comes to fruition. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s brittle, cracking on your teeth as it passes through them.
“Don’t play innocent.” Suguru’s voice was sharp, cutting through the air like a blade. The tension between you tightens and winds up to pitch, but there's a current that punctuates it. One that feels heady and warm. One that excites you in the same way it embarrasses you. “I’ve seen you watching. I’ve seen you for years. The first time, maybe it was a mistake. But last week? Three weeks before that?”
Your mouth went dry, choking on the excuse that tried to bubble up. Like finely ground chalk powder coasted every surface of it. “I—”
He cuts you off before you can even try to defend yourself. “I know you get off on it too. Leave your curtains open while you touch yourself. Saying his name, my name.”
Horror twists inside you like a knife, your heart dropping to the pit of your stomach. You’d always been so careful, never acting when you thought they were home. Never want to risk exactly this happening. Your face burned like you drank half a liter of vodka in a go. Maybe you’d wake up and realize this was a nightmare. The humiliation was unbearable. 
“Imagine my surprise,” Suguru continues in a low chuckle, left hand slotting perfectly against your waist, “when I came home early one day and saw that.” 
The tears that had stopped in your flash of anger spill hot and fast down your cheeks. The raw, hot shame and embarrassment muddle you. It makes you want a sinkhole to open up beneath you and swallow you whole. You can’t meet his gaze, your vision blurry. 
“I’m sorry. I’ll move out.” you stammer out, the words falling in a chopping spiccato, desperate to create space between the two of you. You’d never be able to face him again. 
“Who said anything about moving out?” Suguru comes, pulling you closer to him till you're flush against his chest. He bends down, breath tickling your ear. You feel the sharp pressure of his teeth grazing the shell of it, a jolt going through your body. “You don’t get to leave now.” Pulling back, he meets your eyes in a half-lidded gaze. 
Both of you are playing the game again. Looking for something unspoken, some cryptic clue you need to decipher. He was searching for discomfort, disgust, anything to make him draw back and stop. You searched for understanding, dissecting how it got to this point. Every moment, every glance, every touch from him that you had ever overlooked. 
He always held a soft glint in his eyes when he looked at you. Something subtle, normally reserved for Satoru. It warmed the edge of his voice when he spoke and crinkled the corners of his eyes when he smiled. There was that softness for Shoko, but it was different. The one he had for you was a more reserved, pulled-back, and dialled-down version of what gripped him when he looked at Satoru. He had always viewed you this way.
The times you sat sandwiched between him and Gojo, your legs brushing against him, his arm slung around your shoulders to reach Satoru. Pulling you against him on the train, in clubs, at parties, the bump of your hips against his own. Compliments when you wore flattering, his pushing Satoru to dress you up. He liked it best when you were in shorter dresses and skirts with tights. 
Suguru had always wanted you, but you had failed to notice. 
Instinct took over before reason could temper it. You pushed off the door, your hands flying to the loose part of his hair at the nape of his neck. The strands feelt just as silky an shiny as they look between your fingers. Without hesitation, the space between you two diminishes. You aren’t sure who closes the distance first, but your lips lock hungry. Teeth knocking against each other as you both desperately cling to the other. It's rough and aggressive, both of you starved animals feasting on flesh. The taste of copper spreading in your mouth as he bit down on your lip making you whine. His breathing becomes your own, heady mix of desire and dark, primal urge..
His tongue pushes against yours, taking advantage of your now open mouth, wet and warm brushing against the back of your teeth, laying claim to your mouth. Geto was dominating in all aspects of his life so it was unsurprising that he set the pace and led you to where he wanted to be. He moved your legs up, patting your ass to jump, to then wrap around his waist as he pressed you against the door. You grind your hips against his growing erection as he holds you there, and you can feel the heat of him even through his pants.
Suguru pulls away panting. His eyes are half closed, lips blushed a beautiful red and damp with saliva. He moves in again, this time to your neck, where he bites down hard. You squirm as he sucks a dark and angry mark, his mark, on your skin. The bite of his teeth against your skin feels right. It eats away at the jealous monster inside you every second he’s latched onto you.
Fed up with the door, Suguru opens it and carries you through the threshold. He moves the two of you through the genkan, toeing off his shoes while you kick your own off, and into the living room where he drops you on the couch. There’s an air about him, so intense it’s nearly oppressive, as his fingers inch up underneath your sweater, sliding it off of you. It’s a predator circling their prey, the success of a hunt now that he’s got you on your back against the soft fabric of the couch. He’d been waiting for this far longer than you thought and it spurs you on.
Suguru moves in tandem with you, tugging off his sweater and button-up shirt, exposing his happy trail. The dark dusting of hair makes your mouth water. Once his shirt is off, his hands cover your chest through your bra, palming your tits like stress balls. It's unpadded and lacey, and it lets him feel as if your nipples get hard. He pushes the cups down, leaving them to rest under your breasts, and pushes them up slightly, accentuated by your being on your back.
His fingertips close around your nipples as he pinches and pulls at them. You knew how much of a sadist he could be. One night you watched him edge Satoru for an hour straight. Seen how hot he looked with Gojo in his mouth as he writhed around. A sweet moan escaped you as he played with your nipples and rolled his hips against yours. It makes your head feel fuzzy, thoughts focusing purely on him. His weight presses down on you, so heavy and right it makes you ache.
You lunge forward, propping yourself up on your elbows to kiss him again. It’s just as messy and hungry as before, years of built-up desire between the two of you saturating your every pore. It settles in your bones that pulses in time with your heart. 
Suguru doesn’t separate from you, but he slides your trousers and underwear off in one go as you kick your socks off. He tugs his own off hastily, boxer briefs following in turn. His public hair is trimmed, a close crop like you’ve seen it before. Like every other aspect of him, it’s neatly maintained, put into its place, and kept there. 
His fingers dig into the flesh of your hips as he pulls your hips up by his head. Your back is half off the sofa as he places your legs over his shoulders and parts your core with his fingers. He blows cold air onto your clit that makes you squirm before he licks your clit. Moaning, you try to grind yourself against his face but his hands tighten on your hips, holding them firm. You’d get what he wanted to give you. Fight against it and get nothing, or accept it. 
He was slow to start. His tongue lazily explores you, getting familiar with your taste. It pushed against your clit, wide and flat, before swirling his tongue around it. The ball of his tongue piercing rubbed against the most sensitive part of you. Your hips jerk forward and he looks up, a warning in his eyes, but he doesn’t stop. Suguru curls his tongue again, this time moving it side to side, letting his piercing catch on your clit purposefully.  Every action he takes is measured as he picks up speed while latching his lips around it to add delicious suction. Two of his fingers slide inside you, reaching far deeper than your own ever could. He pumps them in and out of you, driving you closer to the edge.
You felt your pussy drooling, liquid gushing out and covering his chin. The muscles in your abdomen tightened with each passing second until you swore they'd cramp. It was all too much as you came, jerking and contracting in on yourself. Black spots dot your vision as your world shakes on this axis. 
Sugru watched as you came, pulling back from your pussy to stare at your face. His eyes never left yours as he rubbed soothing circles into your skin with his thumbs. He could cover nearly all of you with how big his hands were, warm and calloused. Minus a cold spot on his left hand. 
His engagement ring. 
The silver felt like it burned your skin as he smiled at you and planted a kiss on your inner thigh. It glimmers in the low light, bouncing light off like a homing beacon. Bubbling sickness, bile rising in your throat, disgust palming at your skin. What had you just done? You’ve just violated a boundary so gigantic with Suguru. Let your own selfish need for intimacy lead you to this. He was engaged to your best friend. They were getting married next year.
You rushed to grab your clothes, panic surging through you. The world spins around you. 
“What’s wrong?” 
“We shouldn’t have done that,” you buttoned up your trousers, throwing your sweater on. Your hair is a mess and your skin feels clammy and flushed. The need to vomit is overwhelming. “This was a mistake.”
Suguru’s rising from the couch, trying to grab you, stopping you from moving but you dodge his hand. “A mistake?” 
Your left hand meets your mouth as you bite the nail of your thumb. It clicks against your front teeth. 
“Satoru won’t mind-” 
“A mistake Suguru,” You shake your head, bending down and grabbing the rest of your stuff. “Please. Just forget this.” Without waiting for his reply, you run up the stairs and slam the door behind you. 
You really are a bitch.
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©️ uzuzrimisery
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constantfragmentation · 2 months ago
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Arcane S2 Thoughts
I've had a week to digest this season and well, I guess I have the unpopular opinion of being very disappointed. After the initial flash of gorgeous animation and some ooo's and awe's.... I was left with a bitter aftertaste. I can rewatch S1 loads of time. I don't think I can watch S2 again.
I'm happy for the fans that loved it and got what they wanted or the shippers that got what they wanted. I'm happy for you. Do your thing.
Me? Not so much. Even as a Silco fan (and I admit to squeeing for any footage of him at first), I'm not pleased. Yeah, my young Silco is a nerd, man-bun hottie, but that's where it ended for me. His entire characterization was nothing like the character I fell head over heels for in S1.
Vander's Flashback: I honestly don't find Felicia's inclusion necessary at all. In fact, I think it waters down everything between Silco and Vander. Their knowing her and the kids creates more questions, plotholes, and problems than it supposedly solves.
Why is Vander only in those memories with the kids? It's before the fallout with Silco. Why don't the kids know or remember nice Silco? Why do they only fear him (obv that's from Vander and Benzo, yes?)?
Why doesn't Silco seem to know Powder at Vander's dead body? Why would he kill Felicia's kids? None of it makes any fucking sense if he cared about Felicia. He hates Vander so much, he hates the kids too because he adopted them?
How the hell does S2 Young Silco turn into S1 Silco? Riot really messed this one up. Vander's attempted murder didn't change his entire personality.
It was a rebellion battle. People were going to get hurt and killed. They had to know this. So, whether Silco accidentally killed Felicia (as some fans are debating) or she died, is so damn dumb for Vander to solely blame Silco. Takes the kids, becomes a pacifist FIRST and then decides to (shave and grow younger) kill his brother for the greater good. Doesn't make one lick of sense narratively.
The narrative, characterization and animation inconsistencies don't help from S1 either. The drowning scene doesn't fit the S2 explanation. They're too young. Vander had a beard and appears much older on the bridge. Hell, S2 Young!Silco looks older than S1 Young!Silco. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy. If people want to kiss Riot's ass, fine, but there was too much that was straight up lazy writing.
Silco's death is just glossed over considering how important he is. Silco did what Vander couldn't. Even without Shimmer, the Underground was thriving. Cait's mother's death/burial/statue gets more screen time and Silco gets dumped in the river. No one seems to question his death or what happened? Yeah, ok.
I'll use this moment to complain about the excessive music video montages this season too. I watched S1 again and the writing and use of music worked in unison and enhanced scenes. S2 felt like scenes in between music videos and it was irritating.
There was so much screentime wasted that could have been good dialogue heavy scenes that S1 was great at. Instead, time wasted on poorly executed plotlines that needed way more time to flesh out (Mel, Ekko and Viktor) and we have slowmo music videos and MCU fight scenes. Hermie's guitar song and Mission Impossible jokster crap was laughable and not in a good way.
Riot tried to pack too much into one season, and it was a mess. This season felt like watching a Marvel movie. Cool action sequences with little to no substance. All the nuance and grit from last season were gone in favor of the 'good vs. bad' trope. All the political-societal issues in S1 were abandoned that were far more fascinating to explore.
Mel has superpowers now? It feels all out of place. Her, Ambessa, and the Black Rose plot have zero time to make it interesting and plausible. She was introduced as this master manipulator/politician and her sage persona feels so forced.
Jesus Demigod Viktor was too much. I was excited for the Machine Herald and the psychedelic Arcane magical multiverse took me out. Making him to be the big baddie and timeloop it around to Jayce felt like a big cop out. Viktor deserved better. Hell, Jayce deserved better.
So much was sacrificed to make the whole Arcane magic THE point of the series when it was one of the least interesting aspects of the show. Hextech for weapons and the continuing problems between Piltover and Zaun was RIPE for storytelling. It seems each act needed several episodes to cover.
Ekko sure as fuck deserved better than that half assed time warp with Hermie. The AU really bothered me. Everything felt wrong. EVERYTHING. Nothing was explained well at all. It felt like complete fan service at the expense of the characters. Before people rip me saying "well duh! It was an AU!". You don't assassinate characters and plot to have a happy ending that insults your viewers.
They turned Zaun (its own cool character) into the bargain basement of Piltover. How is it sunny and pretty? Really? Mirror tricks? Everyone just forgave Piltover after years of oppression?
You're telling me Vi's death saved humanity? Fuck that shit right now. Piltover just stopped because a kid died? Suddenly everything became better? What happened to Jayce? Viktor? Hell, Hermie after decades didn't give two shits about Zaun, so what changed with the Council? Where's Singed? I don't buy it.
I don't buy Jinx/Powder being super normal smart girl. I LOVE JInx, but I believe she had mental issues prior breaking into Jayce's apartment. I don't think Vi's death made that go away (as I don't believe Silco's death did either). As someone who battles with mental health, this is insulting to me as a viewer.
I hated AU Silco. There. I said it. He just forgave Vander? Really? Bullshit. The reason Vander tried to kill him is stupid. A simple letter changed Silco? That fluffy-haired softy is not Silco. I can't imagine that Silco being the one who fought a rebellion. He probably would not have become a mob boss peddling drugs but this AU softboi dad feels so wrong. I never would have stanned AU Silco. Not in a million years.
S1 Silco's traits didn't magically appear because Vander betrayed him. The young S1 Silco had to be similar in many ways to older S1 Silco. Drive, ambition, ruthlessness, willing to die for a cause. I don't see Felicia's death changing that. I certainly don't see Vi's death changing that.
If Vander needed to kill Silco to stop the violence, etc, it's because he saw Silco as a threat to him or society as a whole. S1 Vander is known as The Hound. So, he seems to be violent as well. He takes credit for building the Underground when Felicia credits both 'bozos' for it. So Vander being upset she died and blaming Silco to the point of murder is a slap in the face to fans' intelligence.
I do hate that by Vi's death, everything is magically better. I can't express how much I hate that. AU Powder was irritating and was nothing like my Jinx that I love. Again so much wasted time that could have been better spent on good character driven scenes that actually advance the plot.
Pointless characters. Introduce Isha (who I adored). Make her seem important to Jinx. Kill her and never mention her again. So what was the point of her inclusion this season? Just to make Jinx suicidal? I hated that also. Again WASTED SCREENTIME.
Oh, and Caitvi was a disgrace. I think shippers deserved better here, too. Caitlyn goes crazy dictator because of guilt over her mom. Granted, Caitvi only knew each other for a week-ish? Not a lot of time to make their relationship serious past an infatuation. Cait turns from all her good points last season to Ambessa's padawan.
Don't get me started on that side piece Maddie. Really? Cait you were that hard up? And that long awaited sex scene was a big eye roll. Vi goes to her sister, and shit goes to hell, and a few minutes later, she's fucking Cait in the same cell. Vi was reduced to shit this season.
I mean, these characters just got shafted in every way for a high speed train wreck ending that we've seen a million times in Disneyfied stories. Action sequences were more important than actual character development and plot.
You can't make me believe that one speech from Jayce 'seeing a possible future' suddenly got Zaun to work with and dress up as Piltover soldiers? Really?
I had high hopes for Sevika, and the girl got shit nothing to do except in two episodes. Her seat on the Council feels like a last-minute decision and not worthy enough to expand on.
What made S1 so great was the class divide between Zaun and Piltover and how it affected the characters. S2 decided to scrap that and go with the easy good vs evil trope instead. Even the parallels didn't have the same hit as last season.
I did like Jinx talking to her 'ghost' Silco in the jail cell. He was calming to her in contrast to Milo/Claggor except the implication that she should die (that's what I got out of that).
We didn't even get much from Singed. Yeah, he got his daughter back (in some form) but his story was so blah. We didn't get nearly enough of him and Warwick and what made Warwick.
I guessed a few years ago it was going to be Vander but I didn't like how it was handled.
Too many plotlines all rushed together without getting any decent screentime and explanations that don't confuse or insult viewers intelligence. OR you have to be a LOL fan/player to understand. I never played LOL before S1 and wasn't confused as to the main plot.
I loved all the characters in S1 and felt they were pretty much watered down or assassinated in S2 for an apocalyptical Demigod villain vs humanity battle done to death finale.
The Zaun/Piltover political-societal problems, parallels, corruption, science going wrong, pathway to hell paved with good intentions themes from S1 was so much better in every single aspect.
I'm still a fan of S1 and the characters and frankly, I'm going to ignore 95% of S2.
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nvrsaidiwasinurcloset · 11 months ago
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could you do ethan x fem reader smut where they aren’t allowed to see each other due to their families feuding??
like real romeo and juliet kind of this where he climbs up into the window while she’s doing skincare or something. i can literally imagine them just talking about how much they missed each other (because they aren’t allowed to be together) then it ends up escalating into like dom ethan smut 😋😋
sorry if that’s confusing!!
Hi! I hope you like this!💕 I had the worst writers block for the last few days and I'm trying to get back into it haha
Check Yes, Juliet - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader
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This contains SMUT - Minors DNI
Summary: Your forbidden to see Ethan after some drama between your family and his, so he sneaks through your bedroom window to see you.
Contains: Fluff, a hint of angst, Dom!-ish Ethan(Nothing super rough), I used "good girl" in this because I feel like Ethan would totally say that. oral - m and f receiving, p in v, Unprotected sex(Pulling out though:) Jesus, If I missed anything, let me know 💕
A/N: Ya girl loves pop-punk, especially from the 2000's so that's where I got the title for this lmao.
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You grew up with Ethan, quickly becoming best friends because your parents were so close to his…until they weren’t. They had this huge falling out after Richie’s killing spree in Woodsboro. When you were both told you couldn’t see each other, you rebelled, and it only made the two of you even closer. So close that it turned into a secret relationship.
During summer break before you were both getting ready to start college, it got so much harder to see Ethan. Your mom worked from home, and your dad saved up his PTO so he could take time off to spend time with you before you left for university. It was the same one Ethan was going to, and you felt a little relieved that you’d finally have the opportunity to be with him without worrying about what your parents thought. They probably wouldn’t even let you go if they found out he was going to the same school, especially after they forced you to block his number and all of his social media. Ethan found his way around it because he couldn’t just not talk to you.
You’d just gotten home from dinner with your parents, excusing yourself to get ready for bed. You were so tired after a long day with them, and you couldn’t wait to talk to Ethan. You had this app your parents had no idea that you used to message him. You let him know that you were home, and waited for him to respond as you took your makeup off.
When he messaged you back, your eyes widened, wondering if he was crazy when he said he was outside of your house. You walked over to your window and opened the curtain to see your boyfriend standing in your front yard, a sweet smile on his lips as you quietly opened the window.
“What the fuck are you doing?” you whisper-yelled, as he held his finger up to your mouth for you to be quiet. He walked over to the tree beside your window, easily climbing up it as he made his way to you. “Ethan, this is crazy,” you said, as he crawled inside, his feet hitting the floor harder than he expected them to. You soon heard someone running up the stairs. “Shit. Hide under my bed.”
“You okay, sweetheart?” your mom asked as she opened the door. She glanced at the opened window behind you, a curious look on her face as she turned her attention back to you.
“Yeah, I’m okay. Just tripped over the pile of laundry I’ve been refusing to put away,” you lied, as she rolled her eyes.
“I told you to clean that up. Goodness, I thought someone broke in here when I saw the open window,” she said, doing a double take of the room.
“No, I tripped on the way to close it. I forgot to before we left earlier,” you said, as she nodded. “I need to get some sleep if we’re getting up early tomorrow.”
“Okay, don’t forget to set your alarm. Wake up as early as you need to. Your dad is sleeping with the sound machine, so we won’t hear it,” she said, as you innocently smiled at her. You could only imagine the ideas your boyfriend had running through his head as he listened to your mom. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” you said, as she walked back out of the room, closing the door behind her.
You quietly walked over to the door and locked it as Ethan crawled out from under your bed.
“Hey, baby,” he said, walking up behind you and wrapping his hands around your waist. “I missed you so much.”
You turned in his arms to face him, “Ethan, have you lost your mind? If you get caught in here, we’re dead.”
“I thought you’d be happy to see me,” he said, pulling his hands off you. “I can’t believe this shit. We’re both eighteen and we’re still letting our parents control our lives.”
You sighed as you reached over to grab his hands and place them back on his hips before putting yours around his neck. “I am happy to see you, babe. I just don’t want our parents to not pay for school. That’s the only thing that’s kept us apart.”
“We could always run away together,” he said, before leaning down to kiss you. “I’d rather drown in student loan debt than keep doing this shit.”
“Just three more weeks. We’ll be a few hours from here with no parents to keep their eye on us,” you smiled, “Just think of all the dates, all the fun things we can do-“
“All the sex we can have,” he said, cutting you off as his hands started to rub against your hips. You started to blush as you thought about it. “We could do that right now…,” he suggested, gently squeezing you. “As hot as the nudes are that you send me, you have no idea how bad I’ve been craving the real thing.” He leaned down to start placing kisses on your neck, making you whimper. “I can’t wait to taste that sweet pussy.”
“Fuck, Ethan,” you gasped out, as his hand started to rub your pussy over your pajama bottoms.
“I know you missed this, too. How many times have you fingered yourself and wished they were mine?” he questioned, sliding his hand inside your pajama shorts. “You’re so wet, baby.”
“My fingers aren’t as good as yours,” you whimpered, as he slid one of his fingers inside you. He angled his hand just right so he could hit that spot inside of you, your legs almost giving out when he pressed against it hard enough. “Can you use two?”
He started to laugh a little, “You can barely stand up with one. I don’t know if you can handle two.”
“We could go to my bed,” you suggested, as he shook his head.
“No, babe,” he said, pulling his hand out and backing you up against the door. He slid your pajama shorts and panties down at the same time before he dropped to his knees in front of you. “Put your leg on my shoulder,” he said, as your eyes grew wide.
“What if I hurt you? Or what if I fall? My mom will definitely come back up here if she hears anything else,” you said, your tone nervous as Ethan smiled up at you.
“You’ll still have one foot on the ground. And you can put as much weight on me as you need to. I just need your legs spread enough for me to eat you out, babe.”
“Fuck,” you whispered, before doing what he asked. He teased your clit with his tongue before he started to sloppily eat you out. “Baby, that feels so good.”
One of your hands tangled in his hair as he pleasured you, making him groan into your pussy.
He kept going until your legs started to shake, letting him know how close you were. He pulled his mouth away as you pouted in response.
“I’m going to get you off, baby. Hang on,” he said, gently sliding your leg off him so you could fully stand up. He stood up in front of you, sliding two of his fingers into your pussy. You grabbed his shirt, pulling his body closer to you yours as he fingered you.
“I’m so close,” you whimpered, his face inches from yours. “I’m so scared I’m going to be loud.”
“Shh, you won’t be,” he said, leaning in to kiss you. His mouth caught all your sounds as his fingers pressed harder on that spongy spot inside you.  His free hand went to your hip to hold you against the door as your walls started to flutter around his fingers. You were tugging on his shirt so hard you knew you’d stretch it as the feeling washed over you, your legs turning to jell-o as he got you through it.
He pulled his mouth away from yours after you stopped whimpering, your hazy eyes connecting to his dark ones. Your hand reached down to start palming him over his jeans, the feeling making him gasp.
“Let me return the favor,” you smirked, dropping to your knees in front of him. He watched you, his breathing getting heavier after you freed his hard cock from his boxers.
You lazily started to stroke him as you looked at him through your lashes, your bottom lip in between your teeth. You looked so innocent in front of him, but he knew you were far from that.
“Look at you, being such a good girl down on your knees for me,” he said, running his hand through your hair. You whimpered at his praise, your pussy starting to throb. You leaned forward, licking the underside of his cock before swirling your tongue over his tip. “You seriously give the best head.”
He meant what he was saying, but he also knew what his praising did to you. Some of his best orgasms have come from you just sucking his cock, especially when he praised you the whole way through it.
You started to take him further into your mouth, your cheeks hollowing as you sucked. “Yeah, baby, just like that,” Ethan said, his grip tightening on your hair once his tip was far enough back to make you gag. “You make me feel so good.”
It didn’t take long for tears to be streaming down your cheeks from all the gagging, his cock soaked in your saliva as he started to thrust into your mouth. You knew he was close, his groans getting whinier.
“Fuck, that perfect mouth is going to make me cum,” he said, “Where do you want it?”
You grabbed the back of his thighs to keep him close, letting him know that you wanted him to cum in your mouth. His thrusts started to get erratic as he groaned, releasing into your mouth. His hand in your hair was shaky as your mouth kept moving, the slight overstimulation feeling so good for him.
“Baby, you gotta stop,” he said after a few more seconds. When you pulled away, your chin was covered in your spit as you wiped it on the back of your hand. “Did you like that?”
“Mhm,” you said sweetly, nodding as you took your shirt off.
“This sweet, innocent shit you do during sex just does something to me,” he groaned, pulling his own shirt off.
“Oh yeah? What does it do to you?” you asked, as you laid down on your bed to wait for him.
“It makes me want to not take it easy on you, because I know you can take it,” he smirked, as your hands started to massage your breasts.
“What if I can’t take it?” you asked, your voice soft as he stared you down.
“Then I’ll make you take it,” he said, as he crawled on the bed beside you. “You know if you tell me to stop, I will, but I think you’ll just beg me to go faster or fuck you harder.”
“Fuck,” you sighed, as you felt his hand cup over your pussy. “Just don’t make me be too loud.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” he said, as he started to crawl on top of you. Your legs instinctively spread for him as you waited for him to fuck you, but he just teased you. He dipped the tip of his cock inside you, then pulled it out to rub it against your clit. He kept doing it until you finally started to whine. “You want it?” he asked, smirking at you as you started to squirm.
“I fucking need it,” you said, your eyes pleading with his. “Please, baby.”
“Only cause you asked so nicely,” he said, as he stuck more than the head of his cock inside of you, the feeling of him stretching you out making you moan. “So fucking tight,” he gasped, filling you up further with each small thrust, until he was fully inside of you.
He wanted to tease you with slow thrusts, but he couldn’t. You felt so amazing around him as his hips started to move faster.
“That feel good?” he asked, as you moaned in response. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
You were wrapping your legs around him so he could go deeper when he pulled them away, pressing your thighs against your tummy. The new position had him hitting the right spot, his cock filling you so good that you couldn’t hold in your whimpers.
“So deep,” you moaned, as his face tensed up, a feral look in his eyes as he started to pound into you. “Oh fuck!”
“That’s it, baby. You can take it,” he grunted. Your jaw dropped as you were on the edge of your orgasm. “Fuck, you’re already squeezing my cock. You gonna cum?”
“Mhm,” you whimpered, as you felt your legs being spread a little from the position he had them in.
“Rub your clit, baby,” he said, as both of his hands on the back of your thighs gripped you tighter. You did as he said, the euphoric feeling hitting you so hard that you cried out. “Fuck,” Ethan groaned, “Try to be quiet, baby.”
“I can’t” you whimpered, as he chased his own orgasm.
“Bite your lip, cover your mouth, do something. I’m so close,” he said, “I thought you didn’t want us to get caught.”
“I, fuck..I don’t,” you got out between your whimpers.
“Gonna cum,” he said, pulling his cock out and shooting his cum all over your thighs. His eyes kept fluttering as he caught his breath. “I need to find something to get this off you.” You felt his release start to drip down your thighs, towards your ass.
“Uh, I have tissues on my dresser,” you suggested, as he took a couple more deep breaths.
“I can’t wait to do this all the time with you,” he said, as he stood up to grab some tissues.
“Yeah, because dorm sex is going to happen all the time,” you joked, as he smiled.
“I don’t know, maybe my roommate will be cool,” he said, cleaning you up. “Shit, I’ll get to introduce you to people as my girlfriend.”
“You can’t wait for that, can you?” you asked, smiling at him as he shook his head.
“For real though, I think I’ll get so used to spending all my free time with you that I’ll just lose my mind whenever we’re home on break,” he sighed, throwing the tissues away before he laid down beside you.
“You could always just sneak through my window again.”
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thesleepyfable · 6 months ago
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~ SWTD: Still Here AU Part 1 ~
Trots' Reflection:
A first of many chapters I have planned for the Still Here AU. This turned out to be much longer than I expected, so that might be the case for future chapters. If you enjoyed this, then thank you, and let me know if you want Muir or Gibbo's chapter next. Rennick's chapter will be released last.
Part 2:
'Oh fuck. Is that...Trots? Jesus Christ.'
Caz stared in horror at what his friend had become. From the waist down, Trots was just an amalgamation of flesh that spouted tendrils to keep his balance whilst his uniform had been torn to near shreds, leaving only pieces hanging from his arms and upper chest.
Is this why Gibbo didn't want to be looked at? He couldn't blame the poor bastard.
With his eyes wide and the muscles in his neck twitching, Caz knew this was only one way to get back to Roy.
Shit.
He gave himself a moment to calm down before turning the torch off and quietly opening the door. Sweat dripped from his forehead, and he had to hold in a gag from the rank smell that struck his nose. He couldn't afford to be spotted, but the noises from Trots' cries of pain and repeating of words carried an echo throughout the room. Caz, for a moment, thought Trots had already seen him and was playing the long game to lure him further. To make himself smaller and quieter, he crouched and awkwardly tip-toed over broken glass and anything that could make a sound.
An open cupboard gave him a moment to breathe again. It only took 10 seconds, but it felt like an eternity for the leccy. He peered out and saw Trots at a better, or in this case, worse angle. 'What the fuck...?' Caz noticed Trots' legs below the knee hanging against the growth. Every few seconds they would twitch, but The Shape had them firmly in place. And whenever they tried to move, Caz noticed Trots made a groan in agony. There was nothing to be done and Caz knew that.
Thinking quickly, he grabbed a Cadal mug by his feet and aimed it towards the other side of the room. He shuffled some of his body from his hiding spot and tossed it over the small pile of laundry machines before quickly tucking himself back in.
Clunk.
Trots reared his head with a curious 'chirp' and took the bait. No longer distracted by the strange light, he crawled along the floor, clearly in pain, as the tendrils latched and detached themselves from anything they could reach. Caz came out of hiding and slowly crept for the stairs. Just up here, and he'll be back with Roy. Then they can make a new plan to -
'W-What?'
Trots' voice made Caz stand still. He slowly looked back with a mix of shock and confusion across his face. Trots' cadence was different. It didn't sound altered by The Shape trying to copy his speech patterns. It was him.
'What the fuck is this?' Trots stared at his reflection in pure shock. His heart raced and his stomach sank as he tried to make out what he was seeing. 'Is that me? But, how - I'm...' Caz slowly followed his voice and glanced at Trots, who was holding a door with all the strength he had. At any moment he could rip it off its hinges. He saw Caz's reflection and turned to him - eyes wide and mouth dry - gesturing to the grotesque mass. 'Caz. What - what happened to me?!' Panic was now, and rightfully, starting to set in.
'Trots? Are you - Okay, okay, just calm down.'
'Calm down? Caz, I look like I've been put through a fuckin' blender!'
'Alright, alright. I'm sorry. Fuck sake.'
A small pause lingered for Trots. He wasn't one for swearing or raising his voice. Even The Shape couldn't replicate that. A tendril moved to close the machine door. It must have been subconsciously because Trots' body and breath shivered, and his eyes squinted.
But that was good, wasn't it? He could control the mass now.
'How ye' feeling?' Caz asked, unable to take the silence.
'Better,' Trots answered with an exhausted tone. 'My mind felt like it was being pulled all over the shop.' It was a strange and painful sensation. He could compare it to being in a coma. He was aware of what was going around him, but couldn't react. His mind and body were on auto-pilot yet he couldn't focus enough to fight back until he saw his reflection. Then it was like a fog had been lifted.
'I'm sorry wee man.'
'For what?'
'I heard ya through the door. I tried getting to ya, but it wouldn't budge. Do you remember what happened?'
Trots nodded. 'Aye. It just shot through the window and latched onto my leg. It felt like someone had taken a knife and was stabbing me over and fuckin' over again. And,' he scoffed. 'Now I'm here.'
'Well, I'm not leaving ya here, pal. I'm gonna to fetch Roy. He's in the pantry.'
'What about the others?'
'Brodie's with Raffs. Poor bastard was shaken after his dive. Finlay and Douglas are looking for Gibbo in engineering, and I spoke to O'Connor. He's with Bruce and Fergus.' He'll leave out Innes. 'Of course that bastard Rennick is still kicking. Probably tucked away all nice and cosy in his office.' He took a quick glance to the stairs. 'So, you with me?'
'...Alright.'
The pair moved in silence. The only thing breaking that was either the stairs echoing with Caz's footsteps or Trots letting out a groan of pain. Both of the men knew The Shape wasn't done with him yet. Trots could control his mind, body and soul, but this thing was slowly mutating him to survive. Who knew what he'd look like by the end of it.
A part of the wall had collapsed from the tendrils. A shooting pain ran through Caz and Trots' head as they approached. 'It's trying to lure us in, Caz.'
'Just ignore it, mate. Here, help me push it back.' Caz can easily slip through the smaller space, but Trots certainly wasn't. He wedged himself halfway between the wall and used his shoulder the push. The wall behind him was used as a base for his feet. 'Come on, Trots.' It wasn't going to budge by itself.
Using all the tendrils and his shoulder, Trots could feel the wall slowly move back. Caz began to slide to the other side, giving Trots room to follow and to an area where the wall wasn't leaning as much. The Shape was stubborn. It was oddly strong for something that looked like ribbons.
'I thought you were a boxer,' Trots bantered with a smirk.
'Yeah. A boxer,' Caz retorted. 'Not a heavy weight lifter, ya prick.'
Both men suddenly burst out laughing, which must have attracted Roy who awkwardly stood at the canteen door. He had noticed Trots and began to go through the same emotions as Caz, frozen in place.
'Erm, Caz.' He got their attention, and the pair turned to him, still stifling laughs.
'Oh, hey Roy. Give us a hand, will ya?'
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shinakazami1 · 3 months ago
Text
Transcript of IGN Handsome Jack QnA
This thing doesn't have the whole text but - questions and some of my fav Meg-Jack interactions :^] I tried to write their speech patterns as close as possible
youtube
Transcript under the cut:
0:30: Question: Is Buttstallion the best horse ever Jack : Well it’s my horse. That I made her ( <- FACT CHECK: he bought her) out-out of diamonds, so…
0:45 Q: What it’s like wearing a face (mask - though in video it's funnily shown) J: It’s not a mask, it’s a freaking face! Do people think I’m wearing a freaking mask on my face? MEG!! I’m kidding. You’re cute tho. You know what it’s like—do you ever put a onesie on right out of the dryer? (whisper) it’s like that. (normal volume) It’s cosy. It just feels right. And a cool thing about wearing a face is – you can swap them out with however many people you kill in course of an afternoon or a week or whatever. You get off that face – you put on another one! (laughs mid-sentence) It’s fantastic. I can look at whoever. I could look like you Meg if I wanted to. I might later. Wear your face.
1:43 Q: Boxers or briefs? J: Commando!
1:50 Q: What dead celebrity would you bring back? J: Tom Cruise. (learning he is still alive) He’s not dead. Oh. Well-well let’s kill him and then I can bring him back to life or whatever.
2:10 -2:52 (Off top) J: Where did you get these pretzels Meg: From the Hyperion vending machine J: They’re delicious. (long silence) They’re good. (longer) I promise someone will clean it up – my God that’s what happens If you drink beer at lunch, people!
(….) J: Pandorian, people are dumb but loyal. M: I’m loyal sir. I’m very, very very- J: Nah, so much of this. M: Oh yes, sir.
2:15 (Answer 3:25) Q: Do people recognise your voice in public? J: I’m all over the fucking place. I’m in megaphones, I’m in-in like convenience store, vending machines so—yeah. Yeah uh, I have to say. Yeah.
3:48 Q: Favourite type of weapon? J: What do you think, Meg? M: Uhh-anything that kills, sir. J: Well, I would say Hyperion would be a good start, wouldn’t you. M: (louder, nervously) That would be a very good start. J: There you go. Smart… uh. (Awkward horrible silence he prob wanted to say ‘smart girl’ and im glad he didn’t say it cus Jesus Christ man how much cringe can you spout out of your mouth). Anything made by Hyperion and anything that and anything that inflicts, like you said. Fairness to you. The most damage possible.
4:09 Q: (person wanted a greeting for her cat Tunses) J: Hey Tunses.
4:30 Q: Which Vault Hunter do you hate the least and which the most? J: I try not to play favourites. I hate them all the same. M: They’re all pretty terribl- J: (growling) They’re all equally hateable. M: They’re all pretty terrible. (you go girl say your lines) J: Each and every one of them. M: They all want to kill you, sir. J: God I hate them so much.
(Off top) J: (soft laugh) I enjoy your company M: You would make a great voice actor, sir. J: You know I’ve heard that! Yeah yeah yeah – people tell me sh# t all the time. You know. Like : , uh- I (chuckles) get that you, babe- M: You can cook, sir?! J: I- uh, um, I, uh – yeah. I'm really quite handy in the kitchen. M: Yeah? J: Yeah. M: What do you like to make sir. J: I find it- I find it z-zens me out after coming home and washing all the blood out of my clothes.
5:25 Q: Why are you so perfect? J: I don’t know, ask my mom. (pause) You can’t – you can’t because she’s dead, I killed her – but if she was alive, you could ask my mom.
(offtop) J: (playing the game) Where is my oxygen level? M: So, your oxygen level isssss – where the hell is it? J; Come on Meg – I cannot with your (Meg breaks out laughing) you stupid little sh#t like this (they both laugh) and you’re letting me dooown. M: Oh my God I’m the worst!! J: No it’s right over (chin upfront sounding voice idk how else to call him becoming a goblin) it’s right over there, did your little brain fall out of your head, Meg? M: Sorry, should be on your map. J: (genuine soft sounding) Why am I so mean to you? M: I don’t know, sir. J: (still soft, but cool persona) AAA that’s cus of what- that’s what I do.
J: How does Handsome Jack butt slam? M: I think youuuu- J: Anyway he likes (laughs) M: (chuckles) Yes, yes, exactly- J: Joke right there. Welcome
(…) J: That’s what the hip kid say. Instead of , they say (he becomes sonic and laughs like him). Did you know that? M: No, sir J: Yeah. That’s what they do.
(…) M: (after Jack killed a few monsters) Good job! J: Thank you Meg! Thank you for being such a loyal supporter. M: Absolutely sir: J: Really appreciate you, Meg. M: You do sir??? J: Claptrap (HEEEELP THE TIMING??? WHY DOES HE SAY THIS) M: That’s great. Oh- J: I appreciate you Claptrap.
(…) J: Gotta get some things- M: Yes. J: Gotta get some uh- hopefully some grenades. I love- I love the grenades! I got to say, I’m a huge fan (starts chuckling) blowing sh#t up.
7:25 Q: Is Handsome Jack happy? J: (laughs) That’s a great question. It’s deep, isn’t it? Um, there’s a lot of smiling going on here (chuckle) but really, I’m dead inside. It seems like everything I say has just a weird connotation to it. Some kind of inappropriate connotation to it. (sincere) Did you- did you ever noticed that? M: No, sir. J: Good answer! (laughs)
(Offtop) J: Ah for f#ck sake (kills a skag) M: That’s where you’re supposed to go. J: That’s – so I got to go outside. M: Yeah, you have to go outside. J: So you were right. Before. First time for everything, Claptrap. M: Yes. Yes sir. J: Yes siiiir.
(…) M: You’re doing great, sir. J: Atta girl. (pause) I got- I got to stop saying that. (laughs) Okay (nervous chuckles continue) M: And you got another badass rank so you can use that as well. J: Oh, okay – that’s see- now that is some useful information. M: (joyful and surprised) Really?? J: Yeah!
(…) J: (Asks about a game feature. Ben, someone out of the mic, answers before Meg in a monotone voice) Why is Ben so much smarter than you. Ummm- (nervous chuckle turning into silent cry-laugh between Meg and him) M: I’m doing my best sir. J: Ay-ay.
(…) J: What the f that just happened here. That just- I just picked that and now I can-okay. M: You have- you have- you have multiple. So it-do-does it— J: Oh, you’re God, how do you make so much sense when you say things. (…) J: (talking about enemy name pronounciation) Had to do an r-roll with that criiiticic crrrretin (??? im sorry I cant hear it well 9:15 pls help ) M: That’s very – that’s very fancy, sir. J: Mmm. You know what I am? M: What are you? J: I’m so fancy. M: You’re- J: I’m schmancy. (Meg snickers) You cut that one out too, Ben. That was- that was some bullsh#t (laughs) M: You’re so fancy, we already know.
(…) J: (About game dialogue) I don’t know who that is but I find them (emphasis) extrrrRRREMELY annoying. M: Oh they are the Vault Hunters si- J: (immediately) God they’re f#cking annoying, aren’t they. M: They are really, really annoyin- J: I feel like they’re trying too hard, that’s the thing. That’s the thing that’s standing out for me here. M: Yes, I think you should kill them. J: It’s one thing to be naturally funny and then there’s another – it’s another thing to- to be like – you know what I mean like – put yourself out there too much, feel like you’re overcompensating is the world I’m looking for. M: Don’t think you have to worry about that at all. J: (smooth convo swap) You know what I’m liking the most about this game? M: What do you like- J: The lack of Claptrap. M: Oh-uh, well, he is, he’s in here, if you want to- J: Listen, that’s fine – I’m in a good mood run right now, you don’t have to ruin it byyy talking about how I’m going to run into Claptrap. M: (silence) Okay sir. I’ll be quiet, sir. (pause) Yes. (pause) OH!! There’s Claptrap (in-game) Claptrap: HELLOOO- J: Oh you little son of a b#tch. Welcome to the pit of pseudo-solid sorrows, that is some alliteration. That’s a literary term for (long sign) all you people that didn’t finish school. Meg. Arena – of, partially see-through Triumph, the Hippodrome of marginally tangible everything else. (quieter) Do that make any sense to you? M: (joyful) No sir.
(…) Axton (in-game): Is it going to be a LONG story? Gaige (in-game): Yeah, just give us the Bluff’s Notes. J: (Jack is mimicking Axton’s voice) Wait, is it going to be a loooooong story? M: Yeah, they just keep talking- J: Axton is a handsome guy. M: Kinda looks like you sir- J: A little TOO handsome, if you ask me. M: He’s not as handsome as you. J: Well- I mean (chuckles) good luck with that, right. M: I mean, he might sort of be but- J: Oi! (pause) Slow your roll, sister. All right – wait, I was too busy talking, cus I love the sound of my own voice, now the f#ck am I doing? Am I loaded for bear? (Meg is trying to talk) Oh wait- M: I feel you are. No, you’re full (on amo), oh- J: Oh yeah, okay. That’s what she said. (immediately quickly nervously) Joking there. Okay if you want to, TAKE IT MAG feel free take it. M: No, that’s- J: (forceful) TAKE the joke, MAAG. M: I-I- J: Take the joke or you’re fired, Mag – or wait actually – take the joke or I’ll set you on fire, Meg. M: (playful) That’s what she said, yeah? J: God it just-it just sounds so much better coming from you for some reason.
(…) J: I think living on the moon would kind of suck. M: Why? J: I mean uh- I mean if you had to run like this all the time, you’d think it would be more advantageous or better than uhh, running –uh, say with like, uh, gravity? M: (smacks lips) Yeah, but you can do- J: Yeah but gravity Meg, is something it’s-it’s a force of energy that keeps the- it’s the Earth and the moon create, and it keeps things on the… neverm- ff, M: That was a great explanation, sir. J: (defeated) That’s fine. M: I have no idea what the hell you just said. J: (chuckles) It’s really – it was really scientific, wasn’t it? - M: It’s a thing! J: It’s a thing with the… M: I think it’s a good place to wrap this up.
(….) J: You want to do another-another thing? M: Uhh, I don’t, I don’t think we have time to do another thing, sir. J: Is that because I’m so busy and important that I have to go do stuff that is, I have people to do, and places to see- M: You’re- J: Places to see and people- I mean, places to go, people to see, things to do. M: All that. J: Yeah. M: All that more. J: Correct (laugh) Well listen, kids, first of all – you’re welcome, because this has been a real treat. Sorry about- what was your name again? M: Meg. J: Yeah, she tries real hard but uhh- let’s face it. Uhhh I don’t know. We will see. M: Thanks. J: You still might get a retirement package out of this. M: Oh- that’s great. That’s uhh- J: But it’s been a lot of fun, will go to build homeless shelters, and, (pause and rapid speech) dig wells. M: In Africa. J: Yep. M: And by Africa, we mean Africa on Pandora. J: (giggle) Yes.
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intoanotherworld23 · 2 years ago
Text
Things We’ve Missed
Pairing: Reader x Joel Miller
Warnings: MATURE CONTENT NSFW 18+ ONLY DNI, there is oral female receiving, kitchen shenanigans, sexual frustration, mention of sex, swear words
Length: 2100+ words
Summary: There’s a lot of things you and Joel miss the taste of, and something Joel misses the taste of is between your legs
Check out my other works on my Hall Of Hunks
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It was just like any other morning as you stretched your sore muscles. Once again having to sleep on the cold and hard ground with a jacket acting as a pathetic pillow. A rough and torn blanket barely covering both of your bodies. Feeling your mind slowly awakening to the sun gleaming in through the window.
It wasn't the best place to sleep since it had no furniture in it, but it had doors and a roof over your head. That was the only thing you two needed at the moment. Both of you becoming accustomed to not being able to sleep in an actual bed.
Only good thing that could come from this situation was the man laying right next to you. A man who would give up everything just to make sure you were safe and comfortable. Smiling to yourself as you watched him continue to slumber in peace.
Joel was never really one for complaining about things. He took it with an iron chin, and reminded you at least you were still alive. Even though life really wasn't all that worth it with clickers roaming the lands.
"Joel." Kissing his warm cheek as you whispered in his ear waking him up. "It's time to get up."
Feeling his body stir as his head snapped to you. Sitting up immediately as he looked straight into your eyes just to make sure you were okay. Letting out a sigh of relief when he knew you weren't in any danger.
His hand rubbing his face as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Automatically a hand brushing through his salt and pepper hair smoothing it out. Just thankful that his body wasn't as sore as it could have been.
Looking over at you wincing when he saw the tiny cuts on your face. The sounds of your screams echoing in his ear, and the image engraved into his brain as he watched a clicker grab your ankles making you fall face first into the ground.
"What time is it?" He asked his throat scratchy and his voice groggy.
"You're the one with the watch you tell me?" Giving you a glare at your sarcastic remark.
"Smart ass." Turning his body to grab the watch laying on the nightstand. "Jesus it already eleven in the morning."
"I wanted to let you sleep in for a bit." Murmuring feeling shy all of sudden since Joel liked to get up early and start the day sooner.
After yesterday with your almost near fatal incident with some clickers you knew he needed the rest. Even though he was adamant that he was okay, and that he was a man who didn't need that much sleep. Of course you knew better than that.
His body was becoming weaker by the day, and he needed to take it easy. If he kept going like this he was bound to die by exhaustion, and you weren't going to let that happen.
"How's your cuts?" Genuine concern in his voice as he looked over your face making sure there wasn't anything growing.
"I'll live." Smiling at him reassuringly as he grabbed your hand holding it in his.
"I've never been so worried baby." Laying his head back down still looking up at you.
"Joel I'm fine I promise." Patting the top of his hand as you threw the blanket off and slowly stood up.
"Are you sure?" Giving him a look that said stop asking and to not worry.
Joel was constantly worrying about you, and always had his eyes on you. It was incredibly sweet at times, but you could take care of yourself. He could be bleeding out in front of you, and the only thing he would be concerned about is you. He's lost everyone, and the last thing he wanted was to lose you too.
"I'm gonna make some coffee." Turning to walk out of the room heading to the kitchen.
Just thankful this place even had a working coffee machine along with some coffee grounds. It has been too damn long since either of you have had some decent coffee. It was the small things in this world that made you happy, and this was one of them.
Keeping your back to the door as you watched the coffee dripping down to the pot. Hearing the creak from the wood floors knowing that Joel was now up, and heading towards you.
Leaning your hands against the edge of the counter as large hands wrapped around your waist. Pulling your figure against his hard body making you giggle. Pressing his face between your neck and shoulder pushing your head slightly to the side.
"You know there is one thing I've missed more than coffee." Whispering sensually into your ear.
His lips barely touching the skin of your neck feeling goosebumps appear. Parting your lips with a small gasp as he pressed the palms of hands against your lower stomach. His evident bulge painfully pushing against his jeans.
"What's that?" Feeling like you knew where he was going with this.
"That sweet..tight..delicious.. cunt of yours." Nipping on your earlobe his teeth tugging on it.
"Hmm is that so?" Playing this little game as you wiggled your hips against him causing a deep growl to emerge from his throat.
It had been too long since either of you had done anything physical with each other. Both of you on edge constantly or being interrupted by bandits or clickers. It was frustrating and you both wanted to feel something other than fear for once.
"Come on sweetheart let me have a taste?"
Turning around to face him noticing how dark his eyes became. They were full of hunger and desire. He really was craving you in the moment, and you certainly didn't want to deny him that pleasure.
Grabbing the back of his neck as you pulled his lips against yours. His hands grabbing your hips as he tapped your backside signaling for you to jump. As you did he lifted you up and placed you right on top of the counter.
The pressure between your legs was starting to ache as he craved him even more now. Feeling him press his erection against your front whimpering inside of his mouth.
Keeping your lips attached hungrily making out not caring if his beard was scratching against your skin. His lips felt so nice and plump meshing into yours. Feeling a wet spot forming on your panties as you felt that coil in the pit of your stomach.
He was touch starved just as badly as you, but right now he just wanted to dive in between your legs.
"Joel." Mewling like a cat as he traced his lips along your neck down to your collarbones.
"I know baby I know." Hands grabbing your pants as he roughly tugged them down your body tossing them to the other side of the room.
Getting down on his knees as his hands gripped your knees pushing them apart. Gently rubbing his hands up your thighs as he dragged your panties down lifting your hips up. Looking up at you briefly then looking down devouring your soaked cunt licking his lips.
"Fuck I can smell how wet you are." Leaning back on the palms of your hands as he softly kissed along your inner thigh.
Watching his every move your chest heaving up and down waiting in anticipation. Eyes glazed over as he kissed the top of your mound inhaling your sweet scent.
"Joel please." Begging him as he took his time but you couldn't wait any longer.
"Don't worry baby I will." Grinning up at you as he open his mouth wide his tongue licking you from the bottom to the top.
Tossing your head back at how warm his tongue really was. A pathetic whimper escaping your mouth as he drew back and repeated the same motion. He really was wanting to take his time with you, but who knows how long that would last.
"Almost forgot how delicious this perfect pussy was." Growling as he massaged your inner thighs.
His tongue felt like absolute magic as he swirled it around in figure eights. Barely brushing against your now overly sensitive clit. Hips jolting up every time the tip of his tongue lingered around the swollen bud.
Joel was enjoying this far more than what you thought. Making little noises to himself every time you purred or started moving your hips to the motion of his tongue.
His knees were starting to hurt a little bit from the tile floor, but he pushed past it when he looked up at your blissed out expression. How easily he could get you to come undone for him, and how quick your body reacted to him.
The scruff of his beard scratching along your inner thighs making your body tense a little bit. His hands kept having to shove your thighs apart every time he felt you closing your legs around his head.
"Oh my god that feels so good." His tongue slurping between your folds as his saliva ran down your skin.
Grinding your hips against his face as you wanted to feel more. Joel smirking to himself know exactly what you were wanting. Thrusting his tongue as deep as he could go. Crying out as his nose pressed against your clit.
A hand coming down to grip onto his hair trying not to tug too harshly. Looking down to watch his tongue disappear inside of you. Your mouth wide open with barely audible sounds coming out. Breathing heavily though as you clenched around his tongue your legs trembling.
"You're just like heaven baby." Mumbled against your core giving you kitten licks as he then pushed two fingers inside of you curling them up.
"Oh fuck." Closing your eyes tightly as he thrust them in and out at a fast pace.
Your body rocking back and forth against the counter. Trying to keep your body up right, but your arms were already becoming weak, and you were about ready to lay against the counter if it wasn't for the wall behind you.
"Keep those legs open for me baby." He instructed you now being tasked with having to keep yourself spread open for him.
It was already starting to burn, but you had to push through it. Joel knew you could do it as he mumbled praises up at you in encouragement. It was like the room was spinning and any moment your body would slip off the counter.
You were in the clouds right now, and you didn't want to come down. Not wanting to come back to earth and stay in the haven of pleasure and ecstasy. Joel savoring your pussy like a starved man who was eating a warm meal.
"You are so damn tight." Groaning through clenched teeth as he pushed a third finger in.
It wasn't going to be long before you were coming all over his fingers. Your senses were heightened and it was almost becoming too much as he attached his lips to your exposed clit. Drinking you in your juices making a suctioning sound your cheeks and ear burning.
Your hand pushing against his head but he didn't stop or slow down. Instead the hand trying to push him away was now being restrained by his free hand.
Both of your legs raised up as they wrapped around his back. Your feet pushing him further into you. Joel couldn't help but chuckle at how desperate you were for release. He was going to help you through it the best that he could.
"Almost there baby you're almost there."
Watching your face as you were rapidly coming undone. Your legs were shaking as you were clenching around his thick fingers. Toes curling to the point they started to cramp, but you pushed through it.
"Oh fuck Joel I'm gonna cum." Screaming out as your back started to arch Joel now sucking on your clit like a vacuum on high.
"You can do it baby."
It was overwhelming as your body felt like it was on fire. Your lower stomach moving up and down as your orgasm had smacked you in the face. Slowly still grinding your hips as Joel swallowed every last bit you had to offer him. Groaning loudly feeling the vibrations from his mouth.
"That's a good girl." Praising you as he slowly and gently pulled his soaked fingers out of you. "Did so good for me."
Joel standing up and he kept his eyes focused on you the whole time. Standing right between your sore thighs his hands moving to your backside squeezing your cheeks. Snickering as he patted the flesh playfully squeezing them in his hands.
Pressing his lips on yours tasting yourself on his tongue. Your body was so tired you couldn't even move one inch from where you were sitting, and you could still feel your body randomly twitching.
"So much better than coffee." He joked making you snicker and before you could say anything else the coffee pot went off making you both burst into laughter.
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imyourbratzdoll · 2 years ago
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hey i had an idea for an avanger!steve smutty request? set in post cap and the winter soldier where the reader is a very close friend of steve and she’s been helping him in finding bucky and one night they are investigating desperately until late and they are pretty much frustrated and somehow end up releasing that frustration with seggs, and eventually express their feeling to eachother?
thank u so much i love ur writing <3
hi baby! thank you so much! I hope you like it, and I do apologise for the short smut.
summary - you and steve have spent hours trying to find his best friend, and it ends with him taking his frustration out on you.
warning - smut, creampie.
18+ only please, the gif I use isn't mine, divider by @newlips
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You rub your eyes, yawning as you continue to look at the laptop in front of you. “Still nothing.” You shake your head, lifting your cup to take a drink, only to notice nothing left. You stand, slowly walking over to the coffee machine and sighing as that’s empty too. “Where’d all of the coffee go?” You turn and look at Steve, seeing the bags underneath his eyes. 
“We drank it all.” He groans, rubbing his face and tiredly blinking his eyes. His gaze lands on the time, and notices how late it is. “Jesus, we’ve been at this for hours.” You hum, looking at the time as well. “Maybe we should get some rest, but…” You both look at the one bed, the place didn’t have a room with two, but you and Steve were so focused on investigating the whereabouts of Bucky that you didn’t really notice. 
“I don’t even care at this point. I’m fine with sharing if you are.” You make your way over, not bothering with changing into pyjamas, just stripping into your underwear, no care that Steve is in the room. You slip underneath the covers, sighing from frustration. Steve follows suit, his cheeks red as he catches sight of you. 
“I can’t believe we haven’t even found anything yet.” He strips down to his boxers, climbs into bed and lays on his side facing you. “I’m so frustrated, he’s out there, possibly freaking out, and I can’t do anything about it.”
You touch his arm, looking at him. “You are doing everything you can, Steve. We will find him.” You stare at each other for a while before he launches toward you and latches his lips against yours, pushing you into the mattress.
Steve pulls back. “Tell me if this is okay.” He grips your hips, feeling his cock throb and harden as he lies between your legs, pressing his bulge against your core.
“It’s okay. Please.” You grip onto him, wrapping your legs around him and moaning as he surges forward, pressing his lips into yours again and grinding into you, swallowing the sweet sounds that escape you. “S–Steve, don’t tease… Please just fuck me.” He groans, quickly reaching down to take his throbbing member out before swiping your knickers to the side. 
“You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to do this,” Steve growls, rubbing his tip against your sopping cunt before pushing in. His eyes roll to the back of his head at how tight and warm you are. “Jesus, you feel so wonderful!” You both can feel the frustration building inside both of you, and it becomes unbearing to the point where you lock your legs around his waist, begging him to take it out on you.
“Harder, Steve! Take your frustrations out on me!” His piercing blue eyes stare down at you, furrowing his brows, and you nod. Steve tucks a pillow underneath your hips before gripping them and pounding hard and fast into you, letting go of all the anger and pent-up frustration. He uses your body for hours until the two of you collapse. His cock twitches inside of you as he cums, filling you. “Oh god… I love you.” Your eyes widen, wondering why the fuck you said that. 
Steve smiles, lifting until he rests on his elbows and strokes your cheek. “I love you too. Have for a very long time.” He cleans you up before pulling you into him. 
You smile, snuggling into the large man. “That’s good. I’m glad.”
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thank you for reading!
feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.
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kit-williams · 9 months ago
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Husbandry Angron part 2
Part 2 to this fic
For @egrets-not-regrets for helping me here is your reward for helpin me.
@liar-anubiass-blog @barn-anon @bleedingichorhearts @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan
Thank you @squishyowl for the dividers
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Dozens of apothecaries and human brain surgeons were there in the large surgery room in the base, curtesy of the Iron Warriors and Imperial Fists making it in such a short amount of time. Waiting in the wings were flesh crafter sorcerers as there was little chance for failure as this was a primarch. They had to try their best as they were going in blind.
With his skull cap removed they could see the mess... "Jesus Christ." A surgeon said looking at the mess... a mess of wires and brain matter barely holding together.
"Um, is... is his skull cap growing back?" Another human said noticing how the bone was slowly stitching itself back together and regrowing.
"Yes it is." the head apothecarian said walking up and taking a look as he was in full armor, "Get the flesh crafters on standby." The chaos space marine ordered as why he was head surgeon? He had worked with the consortium.
The humans were the ones who were mostly going to be working on the primarch given their small deft hands could be delicate in this situation. Hours dragged on and metal was removed leaving gaping holes in his brain to which the sorcerers and his own natural healing factor worked hard to repair. This meticulous surgery pushed the limits of what was thought possible for both humans and Astartes... they were dealing with a Primarch and whatever genetic monstrosity it meant to be a primarch curtosey of the Emperor. Several powerful sorcerers sat around the building all pooling the warp and keeping it stable so that the flesh crafters could utilize it with ease.
Apothecarians all communicated on the private vox channel when the humans would pause having to remove the regrowing skull cap or when they were stumped on how to remove a particularly tricky nail. Oh there was one from each legion, minus the World Eaters, sometimes there were even two from the same legion; one a traitor and the other a loyalist. But, outside the building were gathering war hounds and world eaters... they gathered like lost dogs just limping their way here... all there and all silently hoping...
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Angron opened his eyes as he could hear the gentle click of knitting needles and a calm beat of a heart he knew over the white noise that the dozens of medical machines had become. He sat up looking toward the click of the needles...
"Welcome back." Your soft voice greeted his ears as there was a gentle smile on your lip, "It's been a few days and in that time, let me tell you, I've met more space marines than I've ever seen." You say as you put down your project. You wait a couple of beats and your smile falters as Angron continues to sit there, "They..." He could hear your swallow, "They said there might be..." again you swallow doing your best to stay strong, "unknown side effects." You finally walk closer, looking up at him as your tiny hand rests on his, "Angron?" You say softly.
For Angron... he was overwhelmed by the fact that there was no longer any pain... his mind rushing trying to think of how to react and interact when there was no pain at the base of it all. He picked you up and held you close, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, as large tears rushed down his face. Words... oh so many of his brothers were good with words in any occasion by here words would do him little good. As Angron wept in joy... joy... he could finally feel another emotion again without pain after so long.
The devourer of worlds... the warlords of madness and bloodshed... so many of them subjected themselves to the nails but now... so many of them came to get them removed. Feral Astartes came to get them out. As once more they came to him like a dog to follow their father. A legion of beaten dogs they were... but they were dogs who could still wag their tails.
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nanamissuit · 1 year ago
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I love your work! (especially your könig) I don't know how you feel about male!reader but I just wanted to request how the guys (Ghost, Soap, König, Price, e.t.c) would react to stage actor male!reader playing a character like Frank n Furter from Rocky Horror. You know, just how they react to the different revealing costumes, the humorous sexual themes and stuff. Even better if the reader is already very confident and flamboyant. Preferably sfw but I don't mind some nsfw (😏). I am SO SORRY if this is way too specific.
Stage - König, Simon 'Ghost' Riley, & John Price
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Pairing: König, Simon 'Ghost' Riley, & John Price x Stage actor!Male Reader
Warnings: Mild Nsfw, Fluff. MDNI 18+
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König:
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You had been stage acting for around 2 years, you’ve become quite famous especially inside of the LGBTQ+ community and obviously for 2 reasons
A: The roles you played and the outfits you wore.
B: Your very public relationship with your army boyfriend König.
Whenever you’re interviewed and asked about him everyone asks how you met and the story was quite cute, he came to one of your shows and met up with you after and you hit it off!
But that brings you to the present day when you told him to come to one of your new shows, you had a surprise for him in the costume you had to wear.
He agreed to come and found a seat right in the front, of course. 
The show was good so far, he thought everyone did well but they weren't you, until you came on stage and he saw what you were wearing. His mind blanked!
After the show he met up with you faster than the speed of light. “Jesussss-You looked so good Meine Liebe.” He mumbled as he swept you off your feet to bring you to the car, peppering kisses all over your face.
“König!! I know I looked good but Jesus, how impatient are you?” You said in between struggles and laughs but he just held you tighter. 
“You’ll find out soon enough Gutaussehend.” 
You did in fact find out when you got home, he definitely bought more of those types of outfits for you after seeing you in that one time he was now obsessed, more obsessed with you then he already was.
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Simon 'Ghost' Riley:
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Now you had been stage acting for around 3 years before you met Simon, he met you for dinner one night and you told him about your career and he was intrigued.
But if you told yourself around 6 months later you’d be in love with the man you wouldn’t believe yourself. 
But the man was a sweetheart, flowers without ever having to ask kind of guy. He was a killing machine on the field, but off the field he was your boyfriend and you like to separate the two.
He didn’t mind coming to your shows but it definitely was not his scene. But if you had pleaded with him and asked just the right way he’d go.
But this night, you had just wanted to show him a costume they wanted you to wear on stage, you didn’t really think about his reaction.
But when you walked out of the bathroom, he nearly passed out right then and there. 
“Tryin’ to kill me?” He asked lowly as he wrapped arms around your waist and you giggled, “Could only dream of such a thing Si.”
He chuckled as he started to undress you a bit, “Well, hopefully you have a bit of time to sleep in tomorrow, yeah?” 
He tended to your every need that night, and to your surprise you did have a bit of time to sleep in the next day so it all worked out.
When you came back home from your show and saw that Simon left a note you read it, “I’ll be back ina bit lovie, Price needed help with paperwork. Check your closet and call if you need.” 
You smiled at the note as you settled it down and went to check your closet to see now multiple costumes, you rolled your eyes and got ready to take pictures and send them all to Simon, this is gonna be a hell of a night.
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John Price:
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Now you were a stage actor for around a year before you met John. He was at a bar you went to after one of your shoes and you found him highly attractive, so you gave him your number and he called you.
You found out about his job in the military early on so he could warn you about the dangers that come with his job, but you loved him regardless so it didn’t matter to you. 
He came to all your shows and always bought you flowers, the vases were overcrowded at this point. So then he started buying you chocolates, he just loved seeing your face as he gave you things.
But one night when he spent the night you went through your old costumes to just show him them. And you came across a very particular costume you knew he would love. “Babe, I’m gonna go put this on, I'll be right back.” He nodded at you as he waited for you to come back out.
You looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror and giggled as you remembered your role as the character and just the fun you had with the cast.
You walked out of the bathroom and John let out a chuckle but also a low groan as he felt his cock restrain against his boxers. He quickly got up and tackled you to the bed.
“Listen, You look sooo good in this but I have to get it off ya.” You chuckled to yourself as he just admired you for a second before nearly ripping it off. 
After that night you came home to a box full of similar costumes, and were those fluffy handcuffs? Jesus christ what had you gotten yourself into.
You tried a new one on every night for nearly 2 weeks before you ran out, but don’t worry he got more for you. He loved seeing his handsome baby in such revealing clothes.
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livingthedragonlife · 7 months ago
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i make good playlists too sometimes. listen to it maybe?
explanations for why i chose the songs under the cut because i miss 8tracks. BIG HUGE SPOILER WARNING if you haven’t read/finished the manga!!!
Pure Love by Mother Mother — I always liked this song as a comforting presence but you could also read it as a sinister one. Definitely leaning into the sinister version here. I was also thinking of the innocent beginnings of the Winged Lion, just a little speck granting tiny desires before it was drawn "like a moth to a flame" to bigger ones. And the rest is history.
Remain Nameless by Florence + the Machine —
But know I'll always be around This can remain the same
Call me when you need me Call me anything you want Darling, believe me Nothing I haven't done before
The King by Anjimile — This one just gives me the vibes of how the power of being a dungeon lord drives everyone insane.
The Cage by Vera Sola — Deeply Mithrun
Under A Dome by Of Monsters and Men —
I'm taking over my own throne I’m holding my heart and it's overgrown I'm kicking out and I’m full of life So why should I cry over northern lights? And it's over now and I'm falling
It Will Come Back by Hozier — This WHOLLEE song is just. The Winged Lion in a nutshell. It's the entire premise.
Thousand Eyes by Of Monsters and Men — The dungeon lords can see through all their monster servants. A thousand of them even
Everybody Wants to Rule The World by Lorde — "uh oh shit is getting real"
Moderation by Florence + the Machine — The Winged Lion having absolutely no chill
Never Pleased by Portugal. The Man —
No I'm not Jesus but I'm more than a man I'll never grow old or lonely or sad Still I'm never pleased I'm never pleased
From the corners until I wake up walking as careful can be Careful to miss out on all that I see I'm never pleased
Tethered to the Dark by Anya Marina — The way the Winged Lion can manipulate you in fucked up ways you didn't even know were possible
Dangerous by Son Lux —
Are you dangerous? Carved right into my bed Quick lobotomy Then left me for dead
Mr. Lonely (feat. Fat Lip) by Portugal. The Man — Ultimately, being a dungeon lord leaves you alone and obsessed and with ultimate power that you don't even have full control over.
Forever by Mother Mother — Marcille's motivation but also the Winged Lion's? Marcille essentially never wants to see anyone her loves die ever again, and the Winged Lion wants to feast on desires forever. Unfortunately, entropy.
Guilty Filthy Soul by AWOLNATION — The Winged Lion doing some more crazy manipulation.
Propaganda by Muse — Obviously the dungeon lords are taken in by the Winged Lion's "propaganda," it "eats souls," it "toys with the truth." BUT!! Mortal desire is also something the Winged Lion "can't refuse." It's convinced by its own lies. Did I just blow your mind
Carnivorous by Band of Skulls — Eating yummy desires om nomnomnom
Little Monster by Royal Blood — The Winged Lion wants to eat Laios sooooo bad and this is a song about that.
Animals by Muse — LAIOS IS GONNA ENSURE HIS OWN SURVIVAL!!!!!!!!
Leave My Body by Florence + the Machine — The Winged Lion leaves its own body to steal Laios', for "one grand moment." Laios leaves his own body to be become a monster. But the Winged Lion loses a lot more than its mind in that arrangement! I feel like the "Your history keeps pulling me, pulling me down" part can be interpreted in this context as like... the history of life. Of survival. Finite resources, something the Winged Lion will never understand. Florence Welch did not intend for this to be what her song was about but I don't care it's blorbo time
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ww2yaoi · 4 months ago
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i would love to hear something about webgott brainrot :3
this evil beast… my first stab at webgott so I don't know how good it is but it's almost 60k and unfinished and everytime I open the doc it bites me and I go yowch! and I close the tab. it's basically just web and joe's summertime affair in austria and them fucking and swimming and occasionally almost killing each other. hopefully it sees the light of day someday
here's a snippet <3
David shakes his head. He can feel Joe’s gaze on him, but he refuses to return it. He thinks if he glances over and sees the look on Joe’s face, whether it be one of understanding or disgust, he might really break down.
“Why didn’t you become an officer, Web?” Joe asks. “You could’ve.”
“Because someone had to be the soldier on the fucking ground. Someone had to kill these goddamn Germans,” David says, his words slurring from the gin. “My parents resent me for joining up, and yet they wanted the Allies to win the war. Someone has to bleed and fight and die, but no, not their son.”
He swallows hard, rage bubbling up in his throat, forming a peach pit in his esophagus. “Fucking hypocrites. Maybe if I had gotten mowed down by a machine gun in Normandy they would have some fucking perspective.”
“You shouldn’t say that,” Joe says, sounding hurt by the idea. “Don’t be stupid, Web.”
“Yeah, well, I did say it.”
Joe sighs. His shoulder knocks against David’s, and it’s almost comforting. “Y’know, I always assumed you became an enlisted man so you’d have more interesting things to write about.”
David smiles to himself. “Yeah, maybe a bit of that too.”
He raises the bottle to his mouth, tips it back, but finds he’s drained the last of the gin. It triggers his anger again, which rips through him like a jolt of electricity.
“Jesus Christ, what the fuck am I still doing here?” David says, and his voice echoes across the lake.
He throws the empty bottle in the vague direction of the shoreline. It shatters against a rock, breaking into a thousand pieces. Joe flinches beside him at the sound. David hangs his head in his hands, tugs at his hair.
“If they’re going to send us to the Pacific, they might as well do it now. If I’m going to get blown to bits over Tokyo, I’d like to get it over with.”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Joe says. “I think we’re here for the long haul.”
“Yeah, left to fucking rot.”
Joe makes an unimpressed sound at the back of his throat. “Come on, it’s not so bad. We’ve got hot showers, warm beds, decent food. It sure beats combat.”
“Well, it’s a gilded cage, Joe,” David says. “I want out.”
“I know, Web, I know.”
They fall into silence for several minutes. Eventually, Joe reaches over and rubs David’s back, working his hand over his hunched shoulder blades, over the tired notches in his spine. It tempers some of David’s outrage, settles his muscles that have been tensed since this morning.
“Do you have a cigarette?” David asks after a moment.
“Yeah.”
Joe reaches into his breast pocket and removes a pack of Lucky Strikes. He shakes out two cigarettes, puts them both in his mouth, lights them, then hands one to David.
“Thanks.”
David raises it to his lips but finds that his fingers are trembling.
Joe notices. “Your hands are shaking, Web.”
David puffs on his cigarette and smoke pools in his lungs. The hit of nicotine only serves to make him feel nauseous.
“I’m angry,” he says, cigarette hanging limply in his mouth.
Joe reaches over and takes David’s clammy hands in his. Joe’s are dry and cool in comparison, hard calluses built into his fingertips from wielding a rifle for so many years. Joe holds onto David’s fingers as they quiver in his palms, then runs his knobby thumbs gently over David’s knuckles.
Steady hands, David thinks. He loves Joe’s steady hands, even if they’re hands that have maimed and killed, heart lines baptized with blood that can never be washed away. Not completely. David has fallen apart so willingly beneath these same hands, let them soothe him and embrace him and pull him asunder. He would take them inside of himself if he could, let Joe pick through his body as if he were one big open wound. David wishes he were brave enough to ask him to do it, but he’s so often afraid, so he closes his chest and padlocks his rib cage and waits for Joe to find the keys to come in.
“Come on, let’s go back up,” Joe says after a while, letting go of David’s hands. He stubs out his cigarette and reaches for the flashlight, clicking it on. “I don’t know how you made it down here in the dark without breaking an ankle.”
“I know the path,” David insists, throwing his cigarette into the lake as Joe helps him to his feet.
thanks for the ask!
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atinylittlepain · 8 months ago
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you know what, i've realized something. well, technically i realized it like a day ago, but now i'm actually accepting it - tumblr was a good thing for my writing until it became the absolutely worst thing for my writing.
good thing - at first, it plainly got me writing again, and a lot, like, mass volumes of words after i had sworn off writing for the rest of my life (i was dramatic and cynical at 18 let me live). and i got support for this writing, a pretty good deal of it, and that in turn built up my confidence that hey, maybe i could do this whole writer thing, for real. and then i did it for real, wrote a whole book that's now getting queried and yeah, that's pretty great.
worst thing - this site is a built-in validation machine, and that machine went out of order a long time ago. i came to expect this constant IV drip of dopamine, of likes and reblogs etc, and that becomes a real problem when suddenly people aren't really interested in reading what you're writing anymore. all of the assurance and confidence i had in my writing was based off how well fics (fics i say!! kinda cooky) were received on this silly little website, and now, i'm still relearning how to have faith in my writing when it's just between me, myself, and query submissions that often turn into rejections. jesus h christ, right? i got so used to my writing getting instant perception, and that's just not reality, not sustainable, and not a healthy writing habit to have if you're trying to do things outside of fic, which i am.
and fuck, that validation still feels good, and sometimes i flail around and seek it out again, and im met with the reminder that my writing isn't really what folks on here are looking for anymore, and then i just feel quiet and lame and thin. i just keep relearning this lesson and trying to get back to that insular relationship with writing where it's all and only for the sake of the story. maybe this time it will stick, hoping this time it will stick.
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