#feels really weird to be so alone. and there's not even that bit of sympathy online i saw for others

[littleporksausage]

Remember how tumblr was full of tips and advice for texas snowstorms and uk and canada heatwaves

And even uk flooding

I remember

[prettyboykatsuki]

call it quits or call it destiny | h. umemiya.

✮ tags ; afab + fem!reader(she/her pronouns, referred to as a girl, gets dressed up by tsubaki and kotoha), reader gets their hair braided (no desc of texture) and puts on makeup, lore heavy reader backstory + personality, deliquent!reader, gap moe, best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, themes of insecurity, mutual pining,the use of she/her for tsubaki, jealousy, confessions, loss of virginity, creampies / unprotected sex, oral (f!recieving), fingering, 18+

✮ wc ; 13.9k (dont. don't say anything)

✮ a/n ; me when i completely lose my mind because i have a weekend off. whats wrong with me.

anyways. there's no major triggers for this but be forewarned reader is meant to be very rag-tag deliquent type. she has a strong personality and generally is not feminine. she is like a mangy street cat a bit. also if u want u should listen to easily by bruno major while reading.

✮ synopsis ; you've been quietly pining for umemiya for a little over ten years with no plans of confessing.

you did not have a plan for what you would do if umemiya confessed to you first.

Once a day, everyday - Umemiya will come into your store, pause, smile, and confess his love to you before going off on his own.  

And once a day, everyday, you reject this confession with a soft huff  telling him to quit being stupid before shooing him away.  

It's become a ritual. A fixture in your daily routine that you're not allowed to ignore despite how hard you're trying.  

He's been doing it for three months, more or less. 

His reason for confessing everyday? Because he’s waiting on the day you confess back, of course. Which you've refused to do for the last few months and will continue to refuse for as long as you’ve got.  

It's not because you don't like him, alright? 

You've known Umemiya since middle school and you've liked him for about the same time. One of the core memories of your childhood is the day you met him, crying while sitting on a  swing-set, after what felt like the worst day of your life. 

( On the day you run away from home, you seriously consider not going back.  

You don’t really know how long you sit there. People walk by but most of them move on quickly. It’s mid-day before anyone bothers to stop and ask you something.  

 "I've never seen you around  before.” A strange looking boy approaches, friendly and unassuming but not entirely cheerful “Did you just move here?"  

You keep quiet, closing your eyes and hoping your lack of response is enough to push him away. Your hope fizzles out when you hear the swing creak as he sits besides you. 

"I'm Umemiya Hajime. I live close by." His voice is airy and causal. "I'm sorry you're having a bad day.”  

"Fuck off," You reply bluntly, frowning. “I don’t need sympathy. Leave me the hell alone.”  

He pauses before pushing himself slightly forward to barely swing.  

“I couldn’t leave you alone while you’re sad,” He voices willfully. "It might make you feel better to talk about it." 

In disbelief at his response, you finally look up and asses him properly. It doesn’t do much to change your initial unfavorable impression. White hair, blue eyes and a little taller than you. You’re definitely about the same age. All of that to say, there’s something weird about him that you can’t quite place.  

Despite his manner and way of speaking though, you don’t actually think he’s that weak which makes his whole aura even more unnerving to you. His attempt at being non-threatening doesn’t work for him. He’s being a real try-hard about trying to make you comfortable… 

Either way, he’s got an air about him that puts you on the defensive.  

 Talking to someone about it had never been much of any option, and somehow it pisses you off that he’s being so brazen about it.  

Maybe if you tell him about, he’ll stop prying into your business. Or maybe you’re just looking for excuses to let off steam. 

You don't care anymore. You wipe your nose with the back of your sleeve.  

"I don't live here and I didn’t move. I ran away." You reply.  

He keeps looking at you, curious, inquisitive and sympathetic.  

"Why?"   

"I broke a girls nose." You scowl. The words rise up in your throat like bile. Make you feel cornered. The wounds too fresh. "It—she bullied me for years for one. And I never fought back, it was all petty bullshit anyway and I didn't like getting calls home. I didn't care about that but she—it wasn't for nothing. She was causing trouble for Sensei."  

Umemiya keeps to himself, humming in response to your troubles. Your voice breaks on your next sentence, chest tightening.  

"It doesn't matter what she does to me but—" Your hands ball up at your first. Your throat feels thick, eyes suddenly watering as your chest throbs . "Anyway, I couldn’t let it go like normal."  

He hums. "So you hit her?" 

You shake your head, sniffling. "Not at first. Just told her to shut up. Said that she didn't know what she was talking about. She hit me first..." You screw your eyes shut, sighing. "...said she was gonna spread rumors about him just trying to get under my skin and be malicious,” You lean back slightly and look up towards the gray sky. “I punched her after that."  

You realize he's looking at your bloodied knuckles, but he isn't making an expression that you can read easily. You don’t remember the last time you spoke to someone like this who wasn’t Tsukimori-sensei.  

"Are you crying because you got in trouble?"  

“Who cares about that?” You sigh “Sensei had to put his job on the line and take responsibility for me,” Your brow furrows in frustration. “He’s the one person I don’t want to cause trouble for,” You grip the iron chains of the swing set with a closed fist and finally admit what you’ve been avoiding to say out loud. “I don’t want him to hate me…”  

The kid besides you smiles  absently at your words. Half-way between listening and recalling something else, it seems like. You can’t help but wonder what the hell his deal is. You barely know him but you’re spilling your guts. 

He speaks after a long while. "I don't think he sees it that way. I think you should try to talk to him about it."  

You make a face, rejecting the idea. "What? No way." 

Umemiya shrugs, smiling - though it doesn't quite meet his eyes.  

"He sounds like he cares about you. If he knew your reasons, there's no way he would hold it against you. And it’s important to share your burdens with people who care for you." You look over and see him smiling somberly at the mulch beneath his shoes before returning back to what you’ve grown to know as his usual self. "Anyways, I think we should be friends. Tell me your name."  

You sniffle again. What a weird guy. Well you say that but 

You still give him your name. 

"What a pretty name," 

When you tell him to shut up again, your new friend Umemiya just laughs.  

And you find you feel just a little bit lighter.)  

That night, Umemiya walked with you to take the last train and told you to come see him again  with good news. 

You aren't sure what compelled you to follow his advice. Maybe because he was the first person who sat down and listened to you about it other than Sensei himself. 

Tsukimori-sensei was your school counselor and the only adult in your entire life that seemed to worry about. You didn't have any friends in middle school and you were a scary looking delinquent girl without a mother and a mostly absent father.  

But Sensei was always incredible gentle to you and incredibly kind. And despite what rumors that girl tried to spread  - he was never anything more than an important mentor.  

It was fucking embarrassing crying in front of him but because you were honest - you got to keep in touch with him. He attended your middle school and high school graduation - supporting you as you started to sort your life out. Became the closest thing you ever really got to a parental figure.  

Over time, you got close with Umemiya and developed strong loyalty to him. You attended an all-girls middle and high school the next town over - totaling one other friend in all six years of your remaining education. Lack of socialization meant that Umemiya somewhat became the very center of your existence. 

It was easy to visit him thanks to parental neglect. You sort of melted into his life. Tsubaki once called you his guard dog as a half-joke, but there's some truth to the sentiment. Quick to defend, quick to heel, and always happy to see him.  

You, like many people, owe Umemiya a lot. His meddling over the course of ten years gave you reason to push forward. He even encouraged you to try and attend school and not give up on living a half-decent life. 

You've got a never-ending list of short-comings but being with him didn't make you hate yourself. It made you want to be better because you knew Umemiya would accept you for whoever you decided to be.  

So despite your delinquency, you managed to graduate high school. Post-graduation, you attended a vocational culinary school and became a patisserie before moving to Furin for permanent residency. You opened a bakery and supply bread to Kotoha-chans diner.  

You made something of your life mostly 'cause of Umemiya. He's not your only friend anymore but he's still your best. Even though you never really pictured things like dating or romance - in some way it only makes sense that it'd be that meddling, kind-hearted idiot that you end up falling for it.  

Lovesickness aside, you respect Umemiya more than anyone in your personal life.  

He’s stuck around with someone like you this long after all. That means a lot to you.  

Somehow the two of you mesh well despite being totally opposite.  

You decided as soon as you realized it sometime in high school that you'd keep your feelings a secret for the rest of your life. You had a strong resolve in your beliefs about the whole thing which made it easy. You hid 'em so well even Sakura's stupid accurate romance detector didn't uncover them.  

When you picture Umemiya's future - it was easy to picture the kind of woman he would end up with. Another kind-hearted idiot like him, a social butterfly. Someone a little softer.  

In any case it definitely was not you. You didn't need it to be. You've received so much from him already, you never entertained the idea. Plus, Umemiya has dated other people over the years, so in your head there was never any hope to cling onto.  

For all reasons listed above, a requited romance is at the very bottom of your expectations.  

That's why you've been in this fucking conundrum.  

To say it was a complete shock to you when Umemiya openly confessed to you many months ago would be understatement of the goddamn century.  

He confessed right on the last day of Spring, totally out of the blue. 

(It’s a little unusual for Umemiya to call you at this hour. If it were anyone else, you’d be a little upset since you’ve gotta be up around four-am to get prepared for the day.  

It’s him though so you’re particularly tolerant, yawning as you find Umemiya on a familiar swing-set, still wearing your PJ’s.  

"Why am I out here in the middle of the night with you?"  

Your words lack any real malice as you sit down. Umemiya remains totally quiet. It's unusual for him to not immediately go on a tangent upon seeing you.  

"Oi. Earth to Hajime." You frown at him. "Did ya get beat up before coming here and scramble your brain? Give me the popsicle before it melts."  

He looks over at you and chuckles as he hands you the bag from the convenience store. You ignore his odd behavior and open up said popsicle before it melts  - carefully splitting it down the middle and giving him the bigger side before going to town on your own. He takes it from you but doesn't even bring it up to his mouth.  

Weird.  

"Did something... happen? Like seriously happen?" You take a long lick of your iced treat. It's melon flavored, your favorite. "Seeing you frown doesn't feel right. Gives me the heebie-jeebies."  

He cracks a little smile at that. It makes you feel better. He shakes his head.  

"Mm, nothing happened. I just have something I want to tell you."  

You nod in understanding. "'kay. Take your time."  

He blinks, surprised.  

"Hm? Aren't you gonna scold me for wasting your time?"  

"Nah. Whatever it is must be serious if it's making you all introspective or whatever. 's fine. Bring me coffee tomorrow and I'll forgive ya."  

His lip twitches up. "I l really like that about you."  

You feel yourself flush and wave a hand at him. "Ahh, shut up."  

He pauses for a second then shakes his head. "Mm. It's more like I like everything about you, actually."  

You twist your face in confusion. "What are you on about now?"  

"That's what I came here to tell you." Umemiya says after a deep breath. He says it so casually you wonder if you're mishearing him - leaning back to look up at the stars. "I really, really like you. I just felt like I had to tell you that"  

You stare at him in disbelief.  

"Wha—huh?"  

He doesn't even flinch as he repeats it.  

"I like you."  

"No the hell you don't."  

He furrows his brow with a light laugh. "I just told you that I do, silly."  

"But that's—" You don't say the word impossible. You really want too, but you know exactly how he would react if you did. You simply shake your head. "No, you don't." 

"I thought you might respond like this so don't worry but how about you?" He shrugs then looks at you intently. "I thought you might like me too."  

Your eyes go wide. Oh fuck.  

You feel like a deer caught in headlights. You know you should be happy about this, deep down. That'd be the normal response.  

But you just feel complicated as shit instead. Fuck does he mean? Umemiya.... likes you? There's just no way that's true. Not after all of this time. And how the fuck does he know you like him back when you've been keeping it in? 

You can't bring yourself to look him in the face and lie. Your heart rises to your throat as you shakily stand to your feet.  

"Stop...thinking whatever you've been thinking. I'm going home." You reply in complete panic. 

 The minute you say it, you turn on your heel so you don't have to look at his face. You don’t even want to know.  

And before Umemiya can catch you and try to talk it out, you bolt. 

What the fuck was that?)  

For the last few months, you've been avoiding the topic of conversation as much as you humanly can.  

The possibility of Umemiya even just accepting your feelings was already far beyond your imagination, but him returning them? Confessing first? That wasn't even in your realm of possibility.  

Ever since then, you've been losing your mind trying to force your life and train of thought to go back to normal. You’ve done all of the math on it.  

Realistically, you can't ignore him. Your lives are so mixed together it'd be impossible unless you went under protection and changed your name which you briefly considered. You thought of turning him down but you’re pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to actually do it despite how good you are at keeping it in. Either way, your best option logistically is feigning ignorance and trying to keep the whole thing out of your mind entirely which should've been easy.  

Tricking yourself into believing the whole thing was a dream? Lightwork.  

Except. Except.  

Umemiya just won't give up.  

He confesses to you again every single day. Worse, he doesn't care whose around to hear him. No one in your friend group seems even the tiniest bit shocked by it which doesn't help the situation. You can't get used to it, can't get used to him being so fucking cheeky as he stops you midway through normal conversation to tell you he loves you.  

He's persistent to a fault and while you've done well feigning immunity - you can't survive like this.  

You've graduated to tell him to go away and treating the whole thing like some big joke.  

But honestly? 

You're avoiding having a proper conversation about it. Umemiya is especially keen in not letting you forget that. And determined to make you confess.  

But you're not going to to let him sway you.  

You've got principles, after all.  

__  

After you close up shop on Friday, you get dressed to attend a kickback with all of your friends.  

It's a barbecue technically - commemorating the end of summer. Togame is really into grilling and in their weird domestic partnership, Chouji really enjoys hosting. They've done this once or twice a year ever since they started living together.  

Once you've finished cleaning up the store, you take the train to Kotoha's place - mistakenly assuming you'd leave as soon as you got there. However you failed to realize that Tsubaki and Kotoha would be getting ready together.  

You got jumped as soon as you walked through the door - so now you're wearing a different pair of clothes that Tsuabki got for you and waiting for them to finish getting you dressed up so you can leave.  

Tsuabkino is inches from your face while Kotoha braids your hair. You feel itchy and exposed but with both of them here there's no way you're going to get out of wearing it. 

"Can we just go?" You grumble, not enjoying the feeling of being poked and prodded.  

"No," Tsubaki insists, frown making her expression pinch. "You have half an eyelash on. Sit still." 

"He'll be happy to see you dressed up," Kotoha adds, trying to encourage you. You frown and look down.  

"Whatever. I don't care about makin' him happy."  

The both of them pause and stare at you until you fold under the pressure - screwing your eyes shut and making you flush.  

“Such a blatant lie.”  

Tsubaki giggles. “Right?”  

Your face feels hot. "Ahhh, alright already. Shut up."  

"Honest girls are much cuter," Tsubaki coos. You give her a half-assed glare.  

"Don't you like Hajime? Why're you trying to set me up with him still?" You mumble. You always think they’d make a perfect pair.  

"Of course I like him. He's my prince." She smiles at you. “But it’s a little different to how a certain someone loves him. And well, if you knew the way he looked at you…"  

You frown, feeling hot all the way up to your ears as you ball your fists up and look down at your lap. "Whatever." 

"You should stop trying to worm your way out of it," Kotoha adds, much less sweetly. "You know how he is. He couldn't give up on you for ten years like some idiot."  

You blink. "Huh? But ten years would mean -"  

Kotoha braids your hair even tighter making you wince. "I know. You're both stupid like that."  

"Don't be mean, Kotoha-chan. And you, be a little more honest, okay?"  

You sigh deeply. 

"Ain't like anything is gonna happen either way. I already told you both I'm not accepting his confession," 

"Cause you're a huge wuss, yeah we know."  

You elbow Kotoha lightly.  

"Maybe nothing will," Tsubaki hums mischievously.  "But it feels nice to dress up for him, right?"  

You pretend the thought doesn't make your hear flutter.  

Tsubaki does you the kindness of laughing lightly before moving on. 

__  

You arrive to the function an hour later than planned and stick mostly with Kotoha and Tsubaki until half way through the evening.  

Loosening up with a few drinks, the three of you part ways to catch-up with different people. It's not rare you see them, but it's not often everyones schedules allow them to be in the same place.  

Lucky for you, Umemiya does you the courtesy of not confessing during the first half of the night before food comes out.  

(Though you do spit beer in his face after he calls you pretty, which he takes on the chin after cleaning up.)  

After dinner, the function simmers down significantly. People quietly break off into groups and chat to each other into the late night. About that time people split whatever desserts they brought among guests.  

You brought cookies and something specifically for Chouji and Togame as thanks for hosting.  

Towards the end of the night, you find yourself sticking sort of close to Umemiya. Though he's having his own one-on-one conversation with Hiragi while sitting next to you , turned the other way.  

You busy yourself catching up to Suo, Sakura and Nirei - all of whom you consider yourself close to.  

Of them, you're the closest to Nirei which always surprises people. 

The kids a total wimp but he helped you years ago study to graduate so you're a little closer to him than everyone else. He's a great guy though and you hang out alone sometimes too.  

The conversations gone far left at this point in the evening.  

Suo leans back against his chair and looks toward Sakura besides him with a lazy smile.  

"Sakura-chan would make a great wife." 

You snort listening to them bicker. Sakura grows beet red, throwing an empty beer can at Suo's head that he catches gracefully.  

"Go die."  

"What? You're good at domestic work and you have a cute side, Isn't that all you need?"  

"Shut up. I'll kill you."  

As Suo breaks out into laughs, Sugishita comes down from the kitchen just in time to catch the argument. He crinkles his nose up.  

"Oh, Sugishita-kun. 'Sup."  

He nods to your greeting as he leans against the wood railing of the outdoor deck.  

"What the hell are you two talking about?" 

'What? You mean about Sakura being a good wife?" Suo asks. Sugishita crinkles his nose. 

"Don't phrase it so repugnantly but yeah I guess." 

"We were talking about marriage 'cause I was complaining at work."  

"What's happening at work?" 

Nirei sighs as he lays it out again to Sugishita after having given the spiel to the three of you once.  

"One of my superiors at work is a lot older than me and keeps bringing up marriage," Nirei explains woefully. "It's all he talks about. He thinks I'm seeing someone."  

Sugishita frowns. "Eh? What gave him that impression?"  

A good question you hadn't considered asking.  

You raise your brow at Nirei who laughs awkwardly while he holds your gaze.  

"You know that picture of us from highschool? When he came to the cafe at your school festival?"  

You smile spitefully, crinkling your nose in faux distaste. "The one wear we wearing those stupid maid costumes?"  

"Yup. That's the one. It's a good picture of us so I keep it on my desk and he saw it so..."  

"You keep a picture of just the two of you on your desk? No wonder he got that impression.” Suo adds.  

You sense Umemiya suddenly tense which you find weird. He's still talking to Hiragi though when you glance from the corner of your eye. You brush it off.  

Nirei blushes, elbowing him.  

"Shut up. I've got group pictures and stuff too. But he just singled out that one cause you know,"  

You nod in understanding before it dawns on you. Your eyes widen. "Oh, shit? Does that old man think you're dating me?"  

Nirei closes his eyes and sighs. "He won't even let me correct him." 

You pause before breaking out into genuine laughter.  

"Pfft, that's terrible." You reply sympathetically, taking a sip of your beer before giving a mischievous grin. "Maybe you can make it work for you though, eh? Tell 'em we got hitched forreal and then I'll call you on the phone and nag you to get home for dinner so you can leave earlier."  

Nirei acts like he's touched making you laugh even harder. "You'd do that for me?"  

You give him another toothy grin. "I'll even help you fake some wedding photos. We'll be accomplices." You lean back with a shrug. "You gotta wear the dress though." 

Sugishita laughs at that. "You being a blushing bride is a little..."  

You snort, shooting him a dirty look "Shut up."  

"Deal. Not a bad plan honestly." Nirei says with a sigh. "Whatever gets me out of the office early."  

"Even if that means being married to me?" You joke.  

He smiles at you. "Aw, what do you mean? That's the best part."  

You chuckle at him good-natuedly and the conversation quickly moves on.  

The alcohol is starting to make you dizzy so you eventually tune out as the four of them talk, glancing at Umemiya from the corner of your eye.  

You swear you catch a glimpse of his jaw ticking.  

__  

For the rest of the night, Umemiya is off.  

No one else can tell. You know that because the atmosphere remains light until everyone leaves around two-am. There's no blips or tension, no awkward pauses. 

But you know Umemiya. He's been real weird all night and it's bugging the shit out of you.  

It's a well past two now, and you've just left the late night cab you took with him. Umemiya lives close so he's walking you home.  

He's usually energetic after a get-together like that so his dead silence is weirding you out. You're pretty good at figuring his feelings out but for once you feel totally clueless.  

It feels as if even the cicadas and crickets have gone to sleep. There's nothing bu the streetlights overhead and soft glow of the moon, coupled with the soft click of your shoes on the pavement. Occasionally, a car will pass by.  

At one point, it becomes too much. There's still a few minutes until you're home.  

You stop in the middle of the sidewalk and turn around to look at him. Umemiya pauses, startled as he stops with you, and doesn't smile which only makes your concern worsen.  

"Oi. What's up with you?"  

"Hm?"  

You cross your arms over your chest.  

"Don't 'hm' me. You've been in a bad mood few for the last few hours. It's gonna bug me all night if I don't ask, so what's up?"  

He stares at you.  

"You noticed?"  

"How could I not notice?"  

"I was hiding it pretty well, I thought." He states more than asks, half-smile on his face.  

"Yeah. But well," You shrug. "I'm always looking at you for better or for worse. So. What's wrong?"  

He stares at you a long time before sighing, running his fingers through his hair. You've never seen him like this. You've seen him pissed off before, seen him mildly irritated - but never this... pouty? It's not like he's pissed.  

He's quiet, taking a deep breath of cool night air before sliding his hands into his pockets and taking a good look at your face. 

"Do you know that I like you?"  

Your eyes widen as you blink wildly.  

This is what he wants to talk about? 

He pins you down with his stare, hands in his pockets and intense as ever.  

"Don't even think about bolting this time, okay? I'm asking you seriously. Do you?" 

Your eyes flicker down the concrete - feeling extremely uncomfortable and suddenly sweaty. You shrug, unsure of what else you could say or do.  

"Hard not to know." You mumble. "You tell me everyday." 

"But do you get it?"  

Your frown deepens.  

"Of course not. How could I possibly get something like that, stupid?"  

He takes a deep breath. "But you like me, don't you?"  

Panic sets in. If you could sink straight into the Earth you would.  

"...Never said that." 

He calls your name quietly. "Look at me, at least. Stop running away from me and just look." 

You know you're being stubborn but you can't help it. You've kept it a secret for ten years and all of a sudden he wants you to tell him you like him? You've held it in for so long already and he's telling you not to run away.What other choice is there?  

One wrong move move and everything will come crashing down inside of you. You can't even lie about it either.  

Damn it.  

"I won't look." Your voice is warbly and it makes you feel so pathetic you could die, tucking your chin petulantly "Don't wanna,"  

Umemiya frowns at you.  

"If you say you don't like me I'll let it go."  

You remain very quiet and close your eyes tighter. He sighs softly, making your chest hurt.  

After a minute, you muster up the courage to be dishonest - determined to drop it at all costs. You're slow as you pick your head up.  

"I don't like you," You repeat slowly, carefully - trying not to stumble the words. "So quit it, alright?"  

He laughs humorlessly and holds your gaze.  

"That's the first time you've ever actually lied to me. You're terrible at it," 

"I'm not lying." You snap. Umemiya smiles somberly when he sees tears on the corners of your eyes. He steps closer to you. You freeze. When his hand reaches cups your cheek, you feel your legs lose all their strength and close your eyes. You're terrified to even look at him, not wanting him to see what you know is obvious on your face.  

He wipes them as he tilts your face towards him slowly. 

"Tell me, at least. If you're going to refuse me, don't I deserve to know why? Do you hate the idea of dating me that much?"  

You shake your head. "Stupid. How would anyone hate that?"  

"So I deserve to know why you're turning me down."  

A long moment of silence draws you out of your feelings. You guess that's fair enough. Maybe this way he'll leave you alone  - as long you're clear about your reasons. He’s the earnest type after all.  

You manage to suck up all your tears and clear your throat enough to give him an explanation. 

You step back a little from him, putting some distance between you as you stare down at the sidewalk. 

"You know... I respect ya more than anyone else. You've always been someone I admire. And I uh, owe you a lot. So I only want the very best for you and all." You scratch your neck, taking a deep sigh. "For me... regardless of my feelings, I want you to be with someone who really fits, you know? Well put-together and everything. Someone that suits you better"  

He pauses before frowning.   

"Regardless of your feelings? Does that mean you were willingly pushing them aside?" He says distraught. "For how long?"  

You shrug, trying to lighten the conversation. It’s too devastating otherwise. "About ten years, give or take." 

The sheer distress in his face makes you want to keep talking, just he doesn’t look so disheartened. Like some explanation will clear things up.  

"It ain't a bad thing, Hajime. You've given me a lot and I'm serious when I say I want the best for you. I love you, if that's what you wanna hear. I'm content just being besides you as your friend." You say with a shrug. "I can be kinda selfish but there's a limit to my greed,yknow."  

He looks like he's in shock. 

"Wanting someone to love you back isn't greedy or selfish."  

You find you don't have anything to say with that, but hope he drops it for the time being. 

Umemiya stares at you seriously. It makes your breath hitch meeting his eyes, blue with all the depth in the world. You feel like you can't pull yourself from his gaze.  

"And there was never a possibility? Not once that I could've liked you? That I wanted to be with you?"  

"It doesn't matter." You say. "And no, it never crossed my mind.."  

"Stop saying it doesn't matter. Of course it matters. Your feelings matter the most so don't toss them aside so easily. Do you really believe that you're not right for me?"  

You aren’t sure how to answer him.  

"You think you're not good enough for me." He says with some realization more than asks.  

It's the first time you see his face change. When you look up, he looks well and truly angry. The whole thing is confusing.  

"I'm sorry," You say. It’s such a timid thing to say but you don’t know how else to fix.  

"It's not—I just don't like hearing you talk about yourself like that. I don't like hearing someone I love get spoken about like that.” 

You ignore the sentiment again and wait in the quiet. You always thought this would be an easier conversation to have but it hurts.  

He sighs a bit, getting closer to you again. He’s less upset than before but there’s something else in his expression.  

"You wanted to know why I was upset earlier right? It's because of you and Nirei-kun." He admits.  

"What about him?"  

"You talked about marrying him so casually. I overheard and it bothered me all night."  

Your eyes go wide.  

"I—it wasn't serious."  

"I know that. I never thought I was that childish either but you being married to someone else as a joke." He laughs humorlessly. "I really hated it. That’s why I asked if you know how much I like you."  

You feel frozen in place by his admission. 

Umemiya steps towards you faster than you can muster up a counter for why he shouldn’t bother.  

His arms around you feel sudden. His grip on you is so tight, like you could slip through his arms all at once if he loosens it. He smells like cologne and beer and summer but it's not unpleasant. He rests his chin on your head and lets out a deep breath.  

Your chest is throbbing for different reasons now. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.  

"If you won't be greedy, then you should at least let me be." He lets out a long, tense breath "At least let me have what I want." 

You're stuck. Your mouth moves faster than your brain.  

"Why me? And why now?"  

Umemiya pulls away to stare down at you. You can't bring yourself to turn away from him. 

"It was always you. I felt guilty... for wanting to you that way when you were a precious friend. Wanting to treat you delicately when you were strong and proud." He admits. Hearing him say that out loud embarrasses you to no end, “But it was those things that made me love you. Strong yet clumsy. Prideful yet honest. Awkward yet trying to be gentle. Loyal. And always considerate of everyone. Of me, when I was taking care of everyone else."  

Your stomach feels like it's going to erupt. You're losing your resolve faster than you know how to mend it.  

"Stop saying stuff like that."  

Umemiya holds you tighter and shakes his head. "No. How else will I get you to change your mind?"  

"I won't change my mind." You say stubbornly.  

"I love you." He repeats.  

You squirm.  

"Stop it,"  

"I want to be with you. I want to kiss you. I want to hold you. I want to stay by your side forever. I want to do things with you and make you feel good. I want to make you smile. I want to grow old with you." 

Your hearts fluttering. Fuck.  

"Idiot. What are you saying? Let me go."  

"It has to be you for me. I won't have anyone else no matter what you think. The person I love is you. I love you."  

"Hajime." Your voice is shaking. 

His drops down to a whisper.  

“I can’t change how you think of yourself overnight but I can tell you that there’s no point in trying to push me away. Whether or not you accept  me, we’ll never stop being side by side - so please stop fighting it.”  

You put your hands on his chest, trying to push him away. “Stop it,” 

"Please tell me it's okay to love you how I want too," He says, soft and doting while he crushes you in his arms. "And please love me in return."  

You put your hands up to your misty eyes wanting to wipe them away as he melts through the rest of your resolve like it's nothing. It's hard not to be moved. You've been pretending for ten long years that you don't love him at all and he's declaring his love for you like it's the easiest, most sensible and sane thing in the world.  

A kind-hearted, willful, meddling idiot. How you are you supposed to push him away when he's holding you this tight?  

"Shit," You voice, huffing as your voice shakes. "Don’t be stupid, alright? If you’re so insistent, I wont let you back out if you meet someone else."  

He laughs wetly.  

"I already tried meeting other people, but it's still you. Always was."  

He smiles above you. 6'2 with watery eyes with the look of pure relief like it's the best news he's ever heard in his life. It's too much for you. Your heart is racing so fast you wonder if you're gonna die.  

"Can I kiss you?" He asks.  

Your eyes go wide as you look away, not wanting to look too eager. "That's..."  

He makes another puppy-dog kinda face. "Please?"  

You're embarrassed by how easy it makes you give in. "...Do whatever you want."  

He laughs bright and warm as his hands slide up to cup your cheeks and kiss you with all the passion he can muster. It's intense, almost suffocating the way he slots his lips against yours and breathes you in. He doesn't let you up from it, doesn't part from you for a second even when he pulls away - noses brushing and stealing the air from your lungs.  

It's your stupid first kiss and it's perfect - so perfect you wonder if you're going to wake up in a dream. He kisses you hard and makes you stand on your toes to chase his lips when he pulls back. Elated. Ecstatic when you grasp the front of his shirt and keep kissing him when he stops. 

He pauses before littering your whole face with pecks even as you weakly protest, unable to stop frowning but feeling the happiest you've ever been.  

There's so much longing in between you, you feel like you could die. You feel helpless.   

"Can I come home with you?" He asks, once he stops - only holding your hand a short distance away. "I want more time together." 

You feel your skin burn hot as you nod, all while trying not to read too much into it. 

"Yeah."  

__ 

You barely get to lock your door behind you before Umemiya crowds you in the door way.  

His arms circle around your waist, chin resting against your shoulder.. Broad chest against your back, you try not to flounder as his warm voice caresses your ear.  

You're going to die young if he keeps this up.   

"I love you,"  

You flush. "Enough already. And let me go so I can wash up."  

"Do you need to sleep early? Thought you were closed tomorrow. Wanted to talk a little longer."  

You pause.  

"...Sleep?" 

"Hm?"  

You both freeze as the miscommunication dawns at the same time. You try to pull away from him as soon as you realize, skin burning hot. You're quick but Umemiya is quicker.  

"Hajime." You say gravely. "If you don't let me go, I'm gonna kill you."  

"No way," He laughs  as you attempt to wriggle out of his grasp. "Is that why you let me in? Were you expecting something?"  

"Shut up! Don't say anything, I swear I'll —"  

"Don't be like that, baby. I'm not making fun of you. Hey, turn around. Look at me."  

You're upset but you think the reason is more embarrassing then the feeling.  

"Don't wanna,"  

Umemiya laughs as he gently turns you around to face him. In your utter mortification, you can barely bring yourself to meet his gaze.  

"Stop staring."  

He doesn't.  

"Do you normally invite guys in just 'cause they ask?"  

"Wha—no! It's because it's you, stupid!"  

He smiles in satisfaction.  

"You shouldn't say yes so easily even if it is me. What if I took advantage of you?"  

You think he's just being smug for the sake of it, which is pissing you off. You grab him by the front of his shirt.  

"Fuck off. Maybe there's a reason I said yes."  

He pauses before his eyes widen. You push your hand against his mouth before he blurt anything else out but he's quick to pry your hand away.  

"Don't say it." You hiss.  

"I was planning on taking my time. I cherish you and I want to make sure you know that. I'm just a little surprised you’re moving so quick when you were telling me not too long ago."  

You can feel the tips of your ears growing hot, feeling even more self-conscious. "Whatever. If we're just going to sleep I still need to wash up."  

He keeps his arms behind your back so you can’t move.  

"Hey. Didn't say that. It's not like I don't want to do it with you. Just don't want you to regret anything."  

You give him an flat look. "I was prepared to give you my virginity and you're worrying about that. Unless you're planning on backing out, there's no way I would."  

"Your—" His jaw drops a little.  

You drop your voice down just a little close as you grab his collar.  

"If you get it, then hurry up and fuck me. Stupid Hajime."  

He gives you the dopiest smile you've ever seen while your face grows increasingly hot, leaning to in to press a kiss to your lips. He brushes his nose with yours. Laughter from deep in his chest.  

"Yes, ma'am."  

__ 

Once you give Umemiya permission to have you, you get the feeling that there really is no going back from here.  

You both know it. The tension in your bedroom is so thick you can barely breathe around it.  

Umemiya lands gently onto your bed - sitting up as he holds you by your waist and pulls you over to him. You're so aware of his touch it makes your nerves feel they're on fire. You're not a total virgin - at least not enough to be feeling this worked up over someones hands lingering on your waist.  

But they're Umemiya's hands—Hajime's hands, so you can't rationalize your thoughts of out it. His hands are strong and big, a little calloused and rough from the gardening and fighting. You can feel how much he adores you in a gesture so small it makes you concerned for your own heart thinking about how the rest of the night will go.  

He invites you into his lap gently, so pleased by the way you go to him so willingly. You spread yourself over him with your knees on either side of his thighs. He's big - wide and broad.  

Your barely hovering over his bulge as you lean your weight onto him. His hand barely brushes underneath your top, just barely touching the skin.  

You shiver.  

"Are you really sure this is what you want?" He asks. "I don't mind waiting as long as you need,"  

You give him an bored look. "Not very convincing when you're makin' a face like that,"  

He chuckles nervously. "That bad?"  

You nod before adding a little bashfully. "Dunno if I mind, though."  

He buries his fact against your chest all of a sudden making you jump.  

"The hell?"  

"You're so cute when you're honest like that," He mumbles into your chest, cheek pressed against your tits.  

"Jeez, shut up. What're you talking about?"  

Umemiya pulls back and leans forward - enough to breach the inches of space between you. Nose to nose, your eyes meet. A bated breath, you put your hand on his shoulders and work up the nerve to kiss him.  

It's chaste. Mostly for you to break the ice otherwise you're sure you're gonna pussy out.  

He smiles at you when you pull away.  

"See what I mean? So cute," He hums, and leans in again. "Come on. Kiss me again."  

Something about him is different when he tells you to kiss him. It's not smug or cheeky. But it's not casual either. Softness tinges his words, his touch - his whole demeanor screams like he loves you absolutely. It makes your heart rate pick up again, hands shaky as you try not to lose your nerve.  

He's restraining himself though. How he intense he could be vs how soft and calm he is being. You know Umemiya like the back of your hand so you want him to do what he wants. It's hard to find your voice.  

"You don't have to.." You cast your eyes down in embarrassment. "…hold back with me, either. I'm not some maiden."  

He smiles at you a little. "You really do know me better than anyone, huh? I was keeping it together pretty well."  

"Look I know I’m kinda difficult…I'm not real good with stuff like this either," You fidget with the collar of his shirt with your free hand. "But once I say yes I don’t back out. So don't worry about scaring me off or putting too much pressure on me or whatever. ...'s fine to just do what you feel like. I’m scared out of my mind but I wouldn’t do that to you,"  

“Don’t know how long it’ll take but I’ll do my best to make you feel secure. Might take some time but we’ve got our whole lives.” You flush at the implication. He smiles a little. "Whatever I want seems like a lot to give, though."  

"Well...depending on what, I'm might not be good at it,"   

He shakes his head. "I don't want anything like that."  

"What do you want then?"  

"You." He says easily. Your stomach flips. "All of you. I just want to make you feel so good you can't stand it. Want to worship you top to bottom. There's not a single part of you I don't want."  

You flush. "The hell... I meant like a blowjob or some shit."  

He laughs. "I know. And I want that too, another time." He hums, taking a deep breath. "Right now I just want you to feel so good for me. Is that okay?"  

You can't look at him. You can barely stand how bashful you're being, but you can't even play coy. Something in you is bursting at the seams.  

You love him so much you don't recognize yourself, or your voice, or how you're acting. It makes you sick but you can’t do anything but go with it. "Yeah. 's okay, if it's what you want."  

"It is," He says, leaning in. "All I've ever wanted."  

You ignore the latter half of his comment as he finally goes to kiss you again.  

He pulls your body close to him as you do. Until your chest to chest, arms wrapped around the span of his shoulders as you press your lips together soft and slow.  

He slides a hand underneath your top, undoing the clasp of your bra. He lets his palm stay on the center of your back while you keep kissing - straps of your bra falling down your shoulder as he splays his fingers to feel more of your skin and hold you. Hugging you close to him, his other arm wraps around your torso. His forearms feels especially strong they way they hold you by the waist.  

You're so close to him. Kissing him so deep, his tongue sliding against your lips. Something about the kiss is languid but the touch is so hot it makes your skin burn. You feel wrapped up in him, can't even tell whose heartbeat you're hearing. 

More of your weight ends up in his lap as you feel your knees go weak. Something hard presses against your clothed cunt and you gasp a little into his mouth.  

"Oh, shit." You mumble in surprise. Umemiya laughs.  

"You're making me feel good." He hums.  

Your face heats up. "I barely did anything." 

"You just being on my lap is more than enough."  

You make a face at him before rubbing yourself over the zipper of his jeans, slow and deliberate trying to get a feel for it. You hear him moan, nearly jumping out of your skin in surprise.  

The way Umemiya moans is a lot for you to process. Breathy and a little low. It resonates through your whole body like a caress.  

You make a few more tentative passes over his bulge, just to hear him do it again. Driven by your instinct more than anything, you lean into kiss at his jaw - making use of the limited experience you do have to try and draw more sounds from him.  

"What're you thinking about?" He asks, still breathless. Maybe amused.  

"Like the way you sound." You mumble in reply.  

"I thought I told you I wanted to take care of you, hm?"  

You frown. "So what? I can't touch you at all?"  

He thinks on it. "You can touch me everywhere else and you can have your way with me later, if you want it. I don't wanna cum too fast."  

"I'm just..."  

He shakes his head. "You're underestimating me. I'm still a guy, you know? With a woman I love at that. There's no way I would make it through our first time if I didn't focus on you. Don't pout,"  

Hearing him describe you in such an embarrassing way makes you flush. You roll your eyes half-heartedly. "Fine, whatever."  

He smiles.  

"Good girl. C'mere. Lay down."  

You decide not to think about how effected the praise makes you as you comply.  

Umemiya lays you down carefully, making sure you're comfortable before hovering over you. He looks a lot more imposing from this view - the dim lights of your room making his face seem more well-defined. Your nipples harden in arousal, peeking from underneath your shirt as he stares long and hard.  

"You're so beautiful to me."  

He leans down and presses a hot kiss to your jaw, just underneath your ear before slowly kissing down your neck. Open-mouthed kisses along delicate skin, tongue sliding over every patch he scrapes lightly with his teeth. You fidget underneath him, a dull throbbing between your legs. You try to figure out what to do with your hands but you’re too nervous.  

He kisses your throat where it's extra sensitive and you bite back and involuntary noise. 

"Don't hold your voice, please?"  

"It's embarrassing,"  

"It's not," He assures, bumping his forehead to your shoulder lightly. "I want to know what makes you feel good. Let me pay attention to you."  

You frown but nod ultimately.  

Umemiya isn't the first sexual encounter you've had in your life. You've done other things, but you've never really gone all the way with anyone. All of your other partners were mostly strangers - people mutually interested in using someone else to try and get off.  

This is the first time anyone has taken this much time with you. A little kissing and groping, sometimes touching your chest.  

No one's ever touched you like this, though.  

His hands feel like they're all over your body no matter where they actually end up being. Makes your heartbeat rain drumming on a tin roof. Makes your stomach tingle, a heat in your calves and a prickly feeling on your back. Your whole being drowning with pure anticipation.  

"Take this off for me." Umemiya mumbles. You nod, feeling absent as you wiggle yourself out of your tight little tee and toss it somewhere.  

The air shifts again when you're naked. His eyes drink you in, tracing the soft lines and edges of your body. Looking over scars and stretchmarks with pure, blown out wanting that shoots lust straight into your veins.  

You want him to fuck you so bad it's killing you but the very thought makes you feel so shy you could die.  

"You're beautiful," Sounds dirty the way he says, makes it spill from his lips like wine tipping over a glasses edge. "Perfect. Every inch of you is so perfect."  

He proves this to you by kissing you again. Running his hands over your skin. Up against curved sides and down against your arms, brushing the back of your biceps and forearms.  

Infatuation in his touch ruins you. Makes your voice let out. You can't think of anyone whose treated you so preciously in your entire life and you find you don't resent it as much as you should.  

(You find it feels so good to let someone touch you so kindly. A touch like you're being loved.)  

Nonetheless it's embarrassing. Of course it is.  

But it's so hard not to feel pulled in when you feel the way he kisses you. Draws a trail with his lips and tongue from jaw to shoulder blade - kissing down your biceps with his hands on your body, taking  gentle inhales of your scent.  

Anticipation makes your stomach tie in knots but finally he relents. Both hands squeeze the soft weight of your chest, palms brushing your hardened nipples.  

"Fuck."  

He laughs a little, heavy with want. "Yeah? Do you like being touched here?"  

"Mm." Is the best reply you can get out.  

He brushes against the tips with his fingers in a feather-light gesture, testing the waters before rubbing with a little more pressure. Your body jolts from the stimulation, wetness pooling and dampening your underwear. He leans in and takes one of your nipples into his mouth making another dull wave of lust wash through you.  

And he makes sure to pay attention to both. It's just like him to be so attentive to some shit like that. Your spine arches as he sucks on your sensitive nipples, letting his tongue flick across them and giving into a sweet friction. You buck your hips up against instinctively, gripping onto the sheets as your sense of restlessness grows.  

Your voice is whiny to your own ears but you can't calm down to save your life.  

"You're taking too long," You huff. He laughs lightly, looking up at you from underneath his lashes.  

"Don't be impatient." He tsks.  

"It's enough already," 

He shakes his head. "Nope. Still got a long ways to go. Promise you'll have me when you're ready for it, so just try and focus on feeling good."  

You make a frustrated sound. "It's embarrassing being the only one feeling good,"  

He pauses before standing up on his knees. He takes his black t-shirt off in one swift go until his torso is bare, and undoes the top button of his pants. He gives you a little glance. "Better?"  

There are too many layers of that to process in the moment it happens. You mumble. "A little,"  

He beams. "Good. Now let me take good care of you,"  

Sliding down lower, he kisses you from sternum to navel. Hands gripping at the softness of your sides, smoothing over the bare skin as he his thumb finds the waistband of your skirt. He glances up at you, silently seeking your permission. You nod back at him, watching him slide the short skirt away from your waist.  

The sudden air feels cool against your skin. He presses his cheek against your belly, both hands on your hips..  

"You're gorgeous. Even more gorgeous than I thought. I feel so lucky being able to touch you when you're this perfect.” He praises endlessly.  

You cover your face with your arm.  

"Ugh. Quit it. You're sayin' too much."  

"Seeing you get so shy when I praise you a little is so cute." He trails his lips down further and further - just above your sex before stopping. "You're so cute."  

He sits back, standing up and bending your legs slightly at the knee. You hold the position as you feel him massage your calve. Thumb drawing hard circles in the muscle, slowly working his way up to your knee. He kisses you afterwards trailing the same spot his hands were touching seconds ago before moving onto the other side.  

There's nothing you can call it short of worship. The nagging feeling that it's undeserved is washed away each time Umemiya holds your gaze.  

Devotion colors every touch no matter how small. And it’s so obvious, so prominent - it feels outright wrong to deny the fact it’s there.   

You think the closest thing you can compare it too is the way Umemiya gardens. A patience as his fingers root through earth and soil, a kindness towards delicate things that makes even hours of work under the sun look beautiful and easy. His expression is what's most uncanny - what makes you you feel so hot. 

An expression that says he loves doing it from the very bottom of his heart - not even a hint of apathy or complaint.  

A face that says he loves every long, drawn out motion and actions of repetition all fro the very core of him.  

Having it directed at making love to you so blatantly makes you more aroused than you know what to do with. You don't know how to let yourself be treated like the most cherished flower in Umemiya's garden - and you aren't so sure how you're meant to get used to it no matter how much it makes you feel...nice. You don’t have any other experience.  

Which is why you're trying to be patient. Trying to be at least temporarily secure in whatever he sees in you that makes him worship every inch of you, memorizing all your ins and outs.  

Umemiya places hot, wet kisses on your inner thigh before laying himself between your spread legs - breath barely hovering over your sex.  

By the time he gets there, you feel utterly melted into your sheets. Your mind is hazy, impatient and wanting as strong hands secure your thighs. He's so close.  

"I wanna eat you out. Is that okay?"  

"If you don't do something soon I'm gonna kill you."  

He laughs warmly. "I'll take that as a yes."  

You pause. Umemiya waits.  

"I didn't uh," You clear your throat. "Wasn't planning on getting laid so y'know. Haven't shaved in a while."  

"Were you worried that I'd change my mind? I like it for the record. Feels natural." Umemiya says. "It's your body so there's nothing I would dislike about it."  

"You're too much." You reply back in earnest. You cover your face with your arms. "So cheesy."  

"I'm being serious." He says suddenly solemn with how sincere he is. 

The sudden change is amusing. You pause before breaking into genuine giggles, unable to help yourself.  

"You're really somethin', yknow that?"  

He's quiet for a long time. Long enough for it to catch your attention, turning your gaze more clearly towards his face. Swiftly, he pushes himself up to catch your mouth in another kiss. It stuns you a bit, very different to all the rest. More teeth and tongue than lip.  

"I like you," He murmurs, forehead to yours. "How can someone be so cute?"  

"Would you quit embarrassing me and get on with it?" 

He smiles. "As you wish,"  

Umemiya settles back down between your legs after easing your panties off and putting your feet flat on the bed to give himself more access. You can barely look down at him doing it. His fingers brush the slick hairs back gentle as he uses his thumbs to spread your pussy apart and look at you more intimately.  

You can feel him. Feel his every breath and movement. He stares at you awestruck. "How is all of you so pretty? Even here it's such a beautiful color."  

"Stop looking so much,"  

He takes a breath, taking in your scent one more time before pressing a kiss to your clit. You make an attempt to squirm away from his grip as his finger dig into your thighs and hold you down. The strength of it knocks the wind out of you, forcing you into place. Umemiya pushes his tongue and gives you a long, tentative lick through the seam of your cunt.  

Your whole body breaks out into shivers at the sensation. The warm weight of his tongue on your sex makes feels like an electric current through water - your toes curling as he makes the same few passes over and over. He collects your pooling arousal on the tip as he drags upwards and flicks your clit tentatively. You grind against his face instinctually, hips chasing the pleasure. Amused laughter vibrates against your core as you do, mumbling at you to be patient while he's still face deep in it.  

You let out another pitchy whine before he finally stops teasing. He lays his tongue flat against your clit, cupping it lightly before drawing it around experimentally. He watches carefully as he plays around with pressure and angles - trying to see what makes you react the most. You can feel how closely he's watching you. 

You cover your mouth with your hand when he does find it, your voice breaking off as he licks carefully right where you need. He smiles into your cunt as he toys with your with the sensitive bundle of nerves, pleased by the change in your reactions. The obvious pleasure he's making you feel.  

Something blooms into your chest. You've never— 

"You're—" You close your eyes, hands tangling in the sheets as you break out into a fever. "Ngh, never had someone l-lick me,"  

He must've heard you because he seems to laser in his focus the minute you say it. He's lapping at your clit so deep, licking precisely and holding you with nose against your bush.  

You reach down tentatively, pushing back the hair falling in his face and he gives you a look so lovesick you want to run away. The pressure changes gradually, more intensely.  

It feels better somehow. Makes you feel restless. Your whole body curls in tight with want at the sensation of it, the lower expanse of your belly tensed. You're shaking as you drift closer to the edge, arousal upped by the wet sound of him sucking your clit.  

"Hajime," You warn, spine starting to arch as you helplessly try to pull away from the intense sensation. It's not familiar to your body, so much so your mind can barely make sense of what's happening to it, "Cumming—c-cumming!"  

Something in you goes undone as Umemiya keeps pace during your orgasm. All the tension inside of you suddenly comes loose - specks of white matter behind closed lids as you screw your eyes shut. Your back curves up into arch, your hips trembling, your insides pulsing. It comes running into you, crashing into your body as waves of pleasure drown out the noise in your head. He eats you out until you feel borderline hysterical.  

You feel melted and reshaped by him - yanking him off when he continues to be insistent after you're too oversensitive. He laughs when you pull him away, resting against your thigh as you take worn out heaving breaths.  

He kisses the inside of your knee as you calm down, bright smile on his features - painted pink with a slight flush. "You came. I'm so happy."  

You look at him in shock. "You're a scary guy."  

He pushes up to kiss your temple, voice soft. "Did I scare you?"  

Your stomach flutters, tucking your chin. "You were intense, but I didn't... hate it or anything."  

"Yeah?" He grins, pressing a few kisses to your cheek and face before whispering against your ear. "Then, is it okay to go farther?"  

You nod silently. Umemiya smiles.  

He stands up on his knees, pushing his hair back as your eyes are drawn to his pants. You reach out for the waistband of his pants unthinkingly, hooking your finger into it. "Isn't it stuffy?"  

He blinks, frozen before rubbing a hand across his face. "Ah a bit, but it's fine."  

"Take 'em off. Please?"  

Umemiya looks unusually distressed by the request, but follows through without another word. You watch him undress - revealing the tight black fabric of his boxer briefs snug against his waist. Your eyes go wide as you see the outline of his cock - head still half hazy. You voice your unfiltered reaction.  

"Your dick is so big,"  

He laughs breathlessly. "Are you trying to stir me up? What's with you?" He pauses to lay down besides you. You turn to lay on your side and face him a little better. "You're being cute. I'm not used to seeing you so docile."  

"Shaddup," You reply half-heartedly. Your body is still on fire but it knocked the wind of you to cum once already. "Your fault."  

He grins, a hint of smugness as he laughs. "That's true."  

"You gonna fuck me?"  

"Mm, yeah. Gotta open you up first or it'll hurt."  

"I've put stuff in before. Toys. Should be fine."   

"Still wanna play it safe. It's your precious first time after all."  

You make a face before pulling him into you, hugging him tight as your whole body breaks out in a shameful flush. "Then hurry up and do it already."  

His arms slide underneath where your laying, holding you to him as he hikes one of your legs up. He slides his free hand in over your leg - his forearm holding your thigh. You press your face to his neck and shoulder - hiding your expression. "Guess I should huh? You were always impatient,"  

You can barely tell him to shut up, the way your body waits for it. A warbled little noise leaves your mouth as he slides his middle finger through the sticky folds of your cunt - careful as it catches on your hole. Wet and so aroused, the first finger he puts in goes in completely smoothly with no real effort 

Umemiya speaks low and soft as he holds you. "I don't know if I can get used to seeing you like this. I'm glad no one else but me ever wil You’re really all I think about lately," He catches the lobe of your ear between his teeth gently. Your head spins. "People misunderstand you because you're prickly, you know? For a long time, only I knew what it felt like to be liked by you. I liked that,"  

"Why are you—mmgh," 

He slides another finger in carefully after the first one slides inside of you with no resistance. His voice is so hot against your skin, the low bass of it in your skull as he speaks so close to your ear.  

"Don't get me wrong I'm happy seeing you with so many people surrounding you. But I was a little sad too. And it kept getting worse over the years until I couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t figure out why for a long time and then it clicked,” Umemiya explains. You realize half way delirious this is his real confession. God, you’re gonna kill him. “Suddenly it was all I thought about. I wanted to be special to you. I wanted to monopolize you. It was my first time having thoughts like that,”  

Another finger slides into you easily. Umemiyas fingers are so much bigger than yours. Thicker than they are long. The stretch is enough to make you gasp.  

“Hajime—“ 

He curls them up, careful until he finds the spot he’s looking for. Your body reacts, another sensation of pressure as his middle finger rubs tenderly against your gspot. You weakly try to wiggle away as he holds you firm.  

“I felt a little guilty, too. You’re my very best friend. You’re independent and diligent. Tough. But you know, when I saw you for those few months - all I could think about was how much I wanted to spoil you,” He whispers. Something in your body shifts the way touches you. Pushes in further and further - stretching until it’s easy for him to be inside. “Somehow everything I liked about you became so cute I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t help but want to dote on you over every little thing even though I knew better than anyone you didn’t need something like that.”  

Your eyes well up but not necessarily from emotion. Totally overwhelmed. You don’t feel like you’re gonna cum but there’s something else that’s waiting and each time he thrusts his fingers into you it comes a little closer. Your voice is shaking.  

“It—fuck, quit talking. Somethings gonna—“  

His smile grows a little. It’s the first time it looks so hungry.  

“I was happy in general when I realized you liked me too. Even when you were being stubborn, I liked the way you couldn’t turn me away. I liked how happy you looked talking to me as usual as if that alone was something so precious,” He hums, so focused and precise as he stretches you open on a third finger but never once losing his train of thought. Like saying all of these comes to him so easily it doesn’t matter. “I didn’t want to corner you. But it felt like I couldn’t rest until you were mine completely. Which is why I’m being so unfair to you. Why I’m so persistent. ” 

Your voice breaks on a whine. “It’s gonna come out—“  

“You make a pretty face when your heads filled with nothing but me. I don’t think it’s bad to wanna stay that way,” He hums, almost conversational as he presses a kiss to your skin. “Go on. Let go,”  

Something hot sprays between your legs as Umemiya fucks you open on all three of his fingers.  

A rush of warm liquid squirts onto your sheets as your legs shake wearily. Umemiya marvels at the mess. Your hands curl into fists, nails digging in your palms as he finally pulls them out - leaving you stretched, almost gaping.  

You lay limp in soaked sheets as you pull away from Umemiya with a very weak glare.  

He’s smiling at you, dopey and lovesick.  

“Too much?”  

Angrily, you smack at his bare chest over and over, trying to recover your pride.  

“You’re insane. What’s,” You swallow thickly. “What’s with you.”  

He shrugs. Wordless, he flips you onto your back again before hovering over top of you. Pressing his forehead to yours, he brushes your noses together and plants a tentative peck on your lips as if trying to gauge whether or not you’re upset. He melts when you kiss him back, smiling happily.  

“Were you like this with your other girlfriends? No wonder they broke up with you,”  

He laughs. “Mm, no? I was more of a gentleman.”  

You break out into another exhausted fit of laughter.  

“Pfft, yeah? Guess I’m pretty special,” 

“Yeah. You are.” He kisses you again. “Wanna keep going or are you too tired? I don’t mind if we sleep.”  

“Stupid. I said it already didn’t I? Hurry up and fuck me.”  

“Okay, okay. Let me go get the condom from my wallet,”  

You wrap your legs around his waist and stare up at him plainly as he tries to move, keeping him pinned in place. You’re frowning, brows furrowed with a hard glare. He stares at you.  

“Did you want something else? Water?”  

“Want you to fuck me,” You restate, arms reaching up to circle around his neck. “Just do it already.” 

He pulls back to look at you seriously.  

“Do you know what you’re asking?”  

You flush. “Of course I do. Stupid. Are you trying to get me to say it out loud?”  

“I might think I’m deluding myself otherwise.”  

You sigh, looking at him flatly as you try to tamp down the part of you that’s screaming to be more tactful.  

“Don’t bother with the condom, a-alright? Or pulling out,”  

He looks like he’s experiencing the shock of his life. “But…” 

“Stop being dumb or I’m never gonna have sex with you again.”  

He nods suddenly solemn. “Fine. But,”  

You give him another look that silences him. He sighs again, getting the message before kissing your cheek and pull back to sit up on his knees between your legs. Pulling his briefs down, his cock springs free. It looks a lot bigger than you saw underneath the fabric, weighed down from it’s own weight even though it stands up stiff. He opened you up with three but you wonder if it’ll be enough not to stretch you open.  

You reach your hand out to touch it tentatively, feeling it’s weight and heft. He clears his throat but seems content to let you. The palms of your hands cup the shaft, feeling all the veins pulse. The tip is sticky with precum. You pull your hand away, another sudden wave of self consciousness overwhelming you.  

Umemiya hovers over you again, placing he length of his cock against your pussy. You shift a little feeling it slide against you, hard and hot.  

“Gonna put it in now, okay?”  

Nodding, you put your legs up. You take a deep breath when the head pushes in, letting out an involuntary noise. You feel well-stretched but the thickness of his cock is still enough to make you feel it in your legs. Umemiya is focused above you, barely sliding the tip through your folds as you open up around him. The air feels punched out of your lungs on just the first inch.  

His face is strained is he holds his hips steady, leaning down to tap your foreheads together. “Feeling okay?”  

“Mm,” You nod, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Fine. Feels different.”  

“Different?”  

“Yours is bigger than all the stuff I own,” You explain. “Feels hotter. Harder, too.”  

You feel his cock twitch inside of you suddenly, shocking you. He smiles sheepishly.  

“Gonna push in a little more, okay?”  

You nod, watching as Umemiya so slowly presses his cock into you further. Enough that it doesn’t hurt when you take him, as much as it just feels like something is inside of you. You feel a warm sense of satisfaction at how full you feel. You feel like him like he’s in your stomach, taking up so much space. After a while of pushing, stopping, and going again  - he finally bottoms out.  

“You feel incredible,” He murmurs, half-smile on his face. Your stomach flutters. “It’s hard not to cum right away. Feels so good inside of you. I love you.”  

You feel yourself twitch, frowning at the expression of delight Umemiya has. You put your hand against his fact to keep him away but he kisses your palm and moves it. Bottomed out, he grasps both hands and holds them  - pinning them to the bed as you watch him wide-eyed.  

“Think you’re used to it?” He hums, clasping your fingers together. “Is it okay if I move?”  

You feel so damn bashful. “It’s okay.” 

He kisses your forehead. “I’ll go slow.” 

As promised, Umemiya pulls out carefully before pushing back into you. You’re so wet that it slides in without any real friction. It takes a few thrusts of him going slowly for your body to get adjusted to the sensation. After a few motions, though - it starts to feel different.  

Starts to feel good. Really, really good.  

“Oh,” Your eyes flutter open. “Shit. You c-can go faster.”   

“Yeah?”  

You nod, trying not to seem too eager. 

When Umemiya picks up pace, you feel your  the whole lower half of your body weaken all over again. Something in your legs, your spine go soft against the bed underneath, a sudden unusual arousal swelling. Somewhere in deeper as he cocks thrusts against your gspot, knocking against it with more force than before. The change in pace coupled with the visual of Umemiya over you, face drawn together in focus as he fucks you is too much. Split open on his cock, you can hear how wet you are each time he moves.  

“Feels…” Your words come up empty. “’s so much.” 

“Yeah? Is it too much for you, baby?”  

You shake your head as your thoughts get increasingly cloudy. It’s like there’s nothing else your body can focus on. The way his cock drags against your sensitive, silken walls. The feeling of being full to empty and then full all over again. The way your pussy gets so much wetter each time he moves, sloppy and sucking him in so tight. You can feel your body want for him.  

Umemiya lets go of your hands, sliding one between your bodies. Palm resting on your sex, he lets his brush against your clit. The difference it makes is significant, makes your eyes go wide. He smiles a little, hair falling in his face as he pushes it up with his free hand.  

“That’s it,” He hums, contented to keep at it like this. “Feels good, right? Your holding onto me so tightly it’s hard for me to pull out even though you’re so wet.”  

You make a whiny noise and wonder if other peoples first times feel this good or if you’re just outrageously lucky. You decide on the latter he fucks you faster and matches his thrusts with the movement of his fingers. You’re warm all over - skin scorching as your hands find his biceps and shoulders to cling onto.  

Your voice is so whiny when you call out for him “You’re so deep, ngh.”  

He laughs, deep and raspy. “Yeah? Tell me what you’re feeling,”  

“It feels good when you’re in me.” You reply drunkenly. “Want it faster. Please,”  

He complies with your request almost immediately. You cry out loud, physically incapable of holding the sound in as he gets to fucking you faster and harder. Your pussy is throbbing. Senselessly horny, you pull Umemiya closer to you as he fucks you and smash your lips together. You feel so good, so thoroughly fucked and completely out of it. He’s in you but you want him even closer, want the scent of his skin to mark you.  

A second time your body builds up to that familiar feeling but it’s so much farther inside. An orgasm pulled right from your core. Stomach tied in knots as Umemiya fucks you hard, you wrap your legs around his waist and take him. 

“That’s it. You’re so good. Cum on my cock, sweet girl. Let me feel it” He murmurs against your skin, holding you close. “You’re making me feel so good. So cute. Go ahead, it’s okay. Let me see how good I’m making you feel.”  

Pliant to his request, you hold onto Umemiya for dear life as your body gives into second orgasm. Your nails dig into his biceps as the built up arousal gives way pleasure - and you cum hard with his cock sheathed all the way inside of you. All the wind gets stolen from your lungs as you press forward with another kiss, your whole body trembling violently as you let go.  

Umemiya sweet talks you through without letting go once, only stopping to take a pause when you’ve fully ridden out your high.  

You stare up at him in a daze as he takes a breather to kiss you, still hard as he’s bottomed out inside of you.  

“You gonna cum soon?”  

“Mm,” He nods. “Yeah I’m close. If I move, I will.”  

“’s okay to cum in me,”  

Umemiya laughs warmly. “I’m already about too. You’re not helping,”  

You smile a bit as you hug him close to you and tell him again that it’s fine. Before long, he holds you too, whispering the same three words into your neck as he finally lets it out. It’s a weird feeling, thick white ropes of seed spilling into the deepest parts of you.  

You don’t really hate it, though.  

“I love you,” Umemiya repeats. Tired you don’t try to fight yourself.  

“Love you too,”  

__ 

The next morning, you’re stirred away by the sound of your front door unlocking and the sound of Kotoha’s voice echoing through your apartment.  

You’re still half-way asleep, so it barely dawns on you that anything is off. Not cognizant enough to think twice, your body tries to go back to sleep.  

Or it does until you hear a very loud shout coming from your kitchen that wakes you up with a start.  

“No fucking way,”  

You sit up suddenly, hearing faint conversation before the sound of steps barreling towards your door. You just barely manage to pull the sheets up over your chest before she comes storming through the door of your bedroom.  

You watch her eyes scan your entire room, mentally collecting data before she finally lands on you. As your brain starts to load back in, your eyes go wide with horror at the look of pure scandal on her face.  

Fuck. You were supposed to be having dinner with her and Tsubaki tonight. Usually you confirm with them in the mornings since your up. It’s not uncommon for her to drop in when you don’t reply to check in since you live close by. 

Fuck.  

“You—Oh, I have to text Tsubaki-chan, I can’t believe—“  

Before she gets to finish her sentence, Umemiya appears behind her in your door way. The sight of him only adds fuel to the flame of your embarrassment. You went another round or two before bed last night and it looks like it too. Shirtless in sweats he left over a while ago, his biceps are covered in scratch and with a few hickies, he’s wearing his hair down with a cup of tea and a very apologetic smile.  

You cover your face with your hands unsure of how to deal with the feeling of pure mortification.  

Kotoha snaps a picture of your room that causes even more distress.  

“If you don’t delete that right now, I’m gonna kill us both.”  

“In your dreams.”  

Umemiya laughs warmly. “Please don’t kill each other.”  

He slides past Kotoha coming over to you. Bending down to kiss your forehead, he pulls the blanket up over you so you’re more well-covered. You give him an incredulous but Umemiya is unfazed - smiling as bright as ever. 

“Good morning,”  

“I can’t believe my eyes,” Kotoha says. She points at Umemiya. “You, go put on a shirt.”  

“Fine, fine. Stay for breakfast,” Umemiya says with a smile. “It’ll be nice having it with my two favorite people.”  

You make another face as Umemiya gives you a long, affectionate look before disappearing. She sighs as she looks at you, pinching the bridge of her nose.  

“I would ask if you’re gonna meet us for dinner but you don’t have a choice anymore so show up at seven. I’m gonna leave before that tactless idiot comes back. We’ll talk later.”  

You nod in understanding. She turns to leave but then turns back with a genuine smile.  

“And, well - congrats. He’s a tactless idiot but he does love you or whatever. Cherish each other,”  

You flush, nodding your head. “Yeah…thanks.”  

With that Kotoha leaves quickly. Umemiya returns still shirtless, pouting a little when he notices she’s gone.  

“She left already?”  

“Of course she did. I can’t believe you would invite her for breakfast.”   

Umemiya shrugs. “No point being coy about it. I thought it’d be nice. I was looking for a shirt but I guess I don’t need one now,” He sits besides you on the bed, turning to face with a goofy smile. “Anyways, good morning.”  

“You already said that.”  

“You didn’t say it back,”  

You frown. “G’morning,”  

He smiles suddenly  before grabbing you from underneath the blankets and sheets - pulling your naked body ontop of him as he grins. Sunlight pours through the window as he holds you to his chest, kissing the crown of your head before pressing his cheek into your hair.  

“Mm, yeah. It’s a really good morning after all.”  

“You’re stupid.”  

“And you love me,”  

You fail trying not to smile.  Damn him. You're so happy it hurts. You roll your eyes.

“I guess so.”  

[tra1nchi]

I just had this thought

So like a yandere who’s in love with another and your one of their victims for getting to close to their darling so when they are about to kill your able to somehow able to convince them not to like a i don’t kill you you get me info to help me get me set up with darling cause your one of their close friends

So blah blah you spend more time with yandere and they slowly start to fall for reader and becomes possessive meanwhile reader is scared shitless cause their wondering what in the world is going on

Anyways really bad explanation but i just had to get it out somehow 😥

I went a bit overboard with this one,,MINORS DNI!! Bttm male reader,,this might be my longest fic on this blog lol,, Toxic ass dude,, stalking,,masturbation,,attempted murder,,N0n-c0n

When you first met him,,he was just that weird kid that always tried to talk to your friend,,never paying attention to any of the rest of his darlings friend group and Claude would only ever talk to him,,

He had noticed you,,definitely,,you were a high priority on his list,,you were handsome (not as much as his darling) but most importantly,,you were in his way,,His darling wouldn't talk to him whenever you were around,,Claude wasn't one for sharing

He would dream each night of his darlings touches,,how his darling would whisper in his ear at how grateful he was for the deaths of his friends,,they were only distractions for what was truly the only important thing,,their love

Waking up the next day alone in his bed was whiplash for Claude,,his bed was cold and so was his house,,he knew the only thing that could fill it with warmth was his one and only darling,,

College,,He only went because his father forced him to,,but despite his hatred for the man,,he couldn't help but feel grateful,,how else would he have met the love of his life? But he couldn't think about that today,,today was doomsday,,

He decided to pick you first,,you were growing into a bigger threat when he saw your hands on his darling,,he had to hold himself back from cutting off your hand right there on the spot,,even during class,,

He waited until it was dark,,he had been tracking you for a few days and knew you liked to feed the local alley cats after sunset so you wouldn't get caught by anyone,,Claude only thought that it was embarrassing for you,,who has that low of confidence?

Claude noticed you with a cruel smile,, a shiny butcher knife in his hand as he crept silently behind you,,though he stopped as he noticed what you were doing,,you were hunched out with a skittish looking kitten at your hands,,he could hear your small and quiet coos when it grew closer,,

He couldn't get distracted! This was for his darling,,his love,,he jumped slightly when you turned suddenly,,you both didn't know how to react as the kitten fled,,his instincts set in as he tackled you to the ground,,his weapon pressed against your neck,,

"Think you can get so loving with my darling? You are nothing compared to what we have!" He was close to yelling,,but kept his voice down,,his blade digging into your neck but he stooped when he felt his hand get damp,,

Glancing up he saw tears pouring down your cheeks,,you were sobbing and trembling underneath him,,you looked like a scared little bunny as you started desperately begging for your life,,He felt conflicted,, are killers meant to feel sympathy for their victims?

You managed to squrim out of his hold when he froze up,,holding your hands out in a protective manner as you started to try to reason with Claude,, anything to keep your life from ending,,

Claude listened to your begging,,his hand tight on the handle of the knife,, "you can get me closer to him? You better not be lying to me." His voice was harsh as he trusted the knife towards your neck again,,

When you rapidly nodded,,he gave in,,allowing you to keep your life at the exchange you bringing him closer to his precious darling,,

He felt himself growing closer to your side,,watching how you would talk about his love,,he would catch his eyes falling down to your lips as you talk but would quickly glance away,,he felt like he was cheating even if he wasn't even dating his lover yet,,

Despite your rough first meeting,,you grew closer with him,,noticing that above his weird obsession with your friend,,he wasn't all that bad,,though you didn't want to grow any closer with him then you were now,,you wouldn't want to risk it,,

Claude over time stopped thinking about him,,his dreams were replaced with you,,waking up with in a cold sweat after a particularly lewd dream,,when did he start thinking off you,,his little bunny in that kind of way?

The more he hung out with you,,the more he realised how bland your friend was compared to you,,you were so much better then he could ever be,,he started to unknowingly treat you the same way he did to your friend,,

Trying to isolate you,,talking over your friends whenever you tried to communicate with them and especially taking up stalking,,he already knew most of your routes from when he wanted to kill you,,but now he stalks you just to make sure youvget home safely at night,,

You were scared shitless of course,,you knew how he acted with your friend and now he started acting that way with you,,luckily he hasn't started staking you,,that would be the worse case scenario,,right?

he would get more daring with his little bunny,,sneaking into his darlings precious room at night to watch you sleep,,he would shuffle through your drawers taking out shirts,,socks and if he felt especially excited,,he would swipe a pair of underwear or two,,

He would lose sleep for what he was doing,,not out of guilt but he couldn't stop himself,,jerking your clothing up and down his cock,,wishing it was you,,craving for your touch and not the clothing that felt so rough,,

One night when he tried to return your cum filled boxers,,he would step on a creaky floorboard he would always avoid,,waking you up almost immediately,,your eyes wide with fear,,just like a prey animal

He tackled out back down onto your bed,,his hand covering your mouth roughly to keep your scream muffled,,"Shh, don't cry. It's only me, go back to sleep yeah?" He puts on his most soothing tone but you don't seem to be sleeping,,

He shoved your dirty underwear into your mouth to keep you quiet,,you could feel his hard-on press against your leg,,He let out a soft moan at being so close to you

"Oh my darling, my sweet precious love..I'll just be a second, okay? I'll be so gentle.." He groans softly in your ear,,his hand moving down to yank your pajamas,,he seemed pleasantly pleased when you didn't squirm,,you knew better,,

He started kissing your tummy,,down to your cock,,his hands moving down to his fly to free his own,, "Good boy! Just stay nice and still like that." He smirks moving down to spread your legs and with only using his pre cum as lube,,he shoves himself roughly inside of you,,

You were his darling from now until the day you die

[cosmerelists]

Ranking Cosmere Families Based Whether I'd Want to Attend Their Thanksgiving Dinner

If they, you know, actually celebrated Thanksgiving or if I existed in their universe and could attend. But anyway.

[Last Thanksgiving special: How They'd Cook a Turkey]

1. Kholin Family Dinner: No Thank You

Let the various eras of the Kholin family spread out before you: is there ANY iteration of that family whose Thanksgiving Dinner you'd want to attend? We have the Blackthorn Era, where Dalinar is getting drunk and trying not to make eyes at his brother's wife and also Sadeas is probably there. We have Way of Kings era where Dalinar thinks he might be going crazy and is always in a lowkey fight with Adolin. We have post-Oathbringer where you sit at that table knowing that Dalinar killed his kids' mother. Is there any moment when a Kholin family dinner wouldn't be awkward for a guest? Even Shallan being there isn't enough to win me over. I'm staying home.

2. Kelsier's Crew: Sure!

I think a holiday dinner with Kelsier's crew would actually be delightful. I think that whatever else they had going on at the time, they'd make an effort to put that aside and have a good time.

3. Kiin's Family Dinner: Hell yeah

Kiin (Sarene's uncle in Elantris) is canonically an amazing cook. Like, I'd LOVE to be at their family dinner. Plus, Sarene seems to have a nice time hanging out with them. Sure their kids squabble a bit, but nothing major.

4. Stormblessed Family Dinner: M-Maybe?

I feel like this is strongly era-dependent. Join them when Kaladin and Tien are kids? Yeah, I think that would be all right. There might be tension between Lirin and Kaladin, but Hesina and Tien are there to defuse it. After the two kids are taken to war? I-I'm leaving that couple alone to grieve, I think. Post-Kaladin-Radiant time? That's REALLY book-dependent. Got weird between Kaladin & Lirin for a while there. I don't want to be there for their yearly argument about whether it's ever okay to kill someone. Maybe I'll just help Hesina in the kitchen.

5. Tress Family Dinner: Definitely!

Yeah! Tress is a great cook, her parents are AWESOME, and if Charlie is there too, all the better. Like, this one is a no-brainer yes please.

6. Bridge 4 Dinner: Yeah!

Especially if it's post-Radiants, so that (a) we're not all enslaved in Sadeas' war camp and (b) there are women too. I bet Rock's Thanksgiving stew would be delicious. Kaladin would be late, but you know what, it's okay. He's very busy.

7. Court of the Gods Thanksgiving Dinner: Maybe If I Were Younger...

Listen, I'm sure it's a raucous good time. There's lots of food, it's really good, everyone looks hot, and everyone is very drunk. Not REALLY my scene, though. I might go if I were invited, but if Tress's family had already offered, I mean...

8. Idrian Royal Family Dinner: I'll Pass

For one thing, I feel like the food would not be very good since my impression of Idris is that everything is...gray. But even beyond that, the family dynamics do not sound fun. I mean, their dad sold his least favorite daughter into what he thought was deadly sex slavery. Their mom doesn't even have a name. It just feels so awkward.

9. Noodle Shop Thanksgiving Dinner: Yeah!

Going out to eat is a great way to not have to cook for Thanksgiving dinner. And Design's Noodle shop--or even later under the new owners--feels like a great place to get some food. Depending on why I'm there, I might even get some free sympathy noodles if I have nowhere else to go! Y-Yay!

10. Lopen Family Dinner: Yes!

I definitely would say yes if invited to eat with Lopen and his many cousins. Remember when Elhokar was there for a minute, and Lopen's mother kept making him eat more? I am going to be SO STUFFED and it is going to be SO worth it.

11. Ladrian Family Dinner: Totally

I'd love to have dinner with Wax and Steris and presumably Wayne and Marasi and possibly MeLaan! I bet the place settings will be fancy and that I'll have to bone up on my etiquette rules--but then, Wayne will be there so surely my using the wrong fork will go largely unnoticed. Anyway, these people seem pretty fun to hang out with, and I bet the food and whiskey are both good.

12. Montane Family Dinner: S-Sorry, Can't Make It...

As much as I love Threnody as a concept, I don't want to hang out in a small circle of silver-ringed "safety" while knowing that murderous ghosts await any mistake outside. I just don't feel like it would be a relaxing time. Plus, you know, Silence's grandmother is literally a ghost in a locked room like right over there. That's a family dynamic I don't care to experience.

[pdriesta]

CHAPTER FOUR

“i want something that i know is real”

pairings — judexblack!girl

genres — fluff, slow burn, workplace romance (she’s a pt)

warnings — sexual themes (minors dni)

word count — 6.3k

summary — y/n, a rising physiotherapist, has just been promoted to work with real madrid's men's team. after a difficult breakup, she's determined to keep things professional. but when jude bellingham, the club's charming new star, sets his sights on her, maintaining boundaries becomes harder than ever. can she resist the pull, or will she risk everything for a love she swore she’d never fall for again?

an — my favourite chapter! i eat up the sick trope

masterlist

as y/n arrived at jude’s apartment building, the evening sun casting a soft, golden glow across the streets, she felt a wave of doubt wash over her. her heart pounded as she stared at the door, clutching the bags of food and medicine she had brought with her. what am i even doing here? she thought, biting her lip. this is crazy. i don’t even have his number, and now i’m just showing up at his place like some kind of stalker.

the plan had seemed solid at the time—check on jude, make sure he was okay, maybe bring him something comforting. but now, standing outside his door, her anxiety took over, making her second-guess everything. she knew how unusual it was for her to do something so impulsive, and the fear of being an intrusion gnawed at her. she began to turn away, thinking she could just drop the food off and leave, when the door suddenly opened.

“y/n?” jude’s voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper, and full of surprise. he reached out, catching her by the arm before she could retreat. his touch was gentle, but it stopped her in her tracks, grounding her in the moment.

y/n froze, her mind racing. “oh, um, hi,” she stammered, feeling a blush creep up her cheeks. “i wasn’t—I wasn’t going to just leave, i swear. i mean, i was, but not like that! i wasn’t stalking you or anything, i just wanted to make sure you were okay because you didn’t seem well, and i know this is probably really weird and—”

jude’s soft chuckle interrupted her rambling. “y/n, it’s okay. really,” he reassured her, his hand still warm on her arm. “i’m glad you came. it’s good to see you.”

his words eased the tension in her chest, and she finally let out the breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. “you are?” she asked, her voice small, still not entirely convinced.

“yeah,” he nodded, stepping aside to invite her in. “come on in. what did you bring?”

y/n hesitated for a moment before stepping into his apartment. the space was dim, the only light coming from the flickering television and the soft glow of the evening sun through the windows. she felt a pang of sympathy as she noticed the clutter, the signs of his illness evident in the abandoned tissues and half-empty water bottles scattered around.

“i, um, brought some food,” she said, lifting the bags slightly as she walked further inside. “it’s nothing special, just some things my mom used to make when my siblings and i were sick. i thought it might help, you know, with getting your strength back. i noticed you lost some muscle…”

jude raised an eyebrow, a faint smile playing on his lips despite his obvious fatigue. “you noticed that, huh? what else did you bring?”

y/n blushed, feeling a bit self-conscious under his gaze. “some medicine too, in case you didn’t have any. and, um, i just wanted to make sure you had company.”

“you went through all this trouble for me?” jude asked, his tone softening with a hint of awe. he leaned against the back of his couch, clearly touched by her effort.

“it wasn’t any trouble,” y/n replied quickly, brushing off his gratitude. “i didn’t want you to be alone while you’re feeling this way. besides, i’ve taken enough herbal remedies from my mom to last a lifetime. so, if you’re worried about getting me sick, don’t be.”

he smiled at that, a genuine smile that lit up his tired face. “you really didn’t have to do this, but i’m glad you did. thank you.”

as they settled onto the couch, y/n began to unpack the food she had brought, setting out the dishes with care. the aroma of the warm, hearty meals filled the room, bringing a comforting sense of home with them. jude watched her, his gaze softening as she moved about, completely focused on making him comfortable.

“this smells amazing,” jude commented, as she handed him a bowl of soup. “what’s in it?”

“it’s a family recipe,” y/n said with a shy smile, “my mom always made this for us when we were sick. she’d say it was to bring back any weight we lost. it’s full of good stuff—lots of vegetables, some meat, and her special mix of spices.”

jude took a cautious sip, his eyes widening in surprise at the rich, comforting flavor. “this is incredible,” he said, looking at her with newfound appreciation. “i don’t think i’ve ever had anything like this.”

“really?” y/n asked, a small smile tugging at her lips. “i’m glad you like it.”

“like it? i love it,” jude replied, his tone sincere. “you’ve got some serious cooking skills, y/n.”

she laughed softly, a little embarrassed by the compliment. “well, i had a good teacher.”

as they continued to eat, the atmosphere between them grew more comfortable, the earlier awkwardness dissipating. it was nice, y/n thought, to be able to do something for him, to help in some small way. she had been so caught up in her own anxieties lately that it felt good to focus on someone else for a change, especially someone she cared about.

just as she was about to offer him some more food, jude’s phone buzzed, and he glanced at the screen before answering. “hey, mum,” he said, his voice still raspy.

y/n shifted slightly, suddenly feeling like she was intruding. she busied herself with tidying up the table, trying to give him some privacy. but as the conversation continued, she couldn’t help but overhear jude telling his mum that she was there.

“really?” his mum’s voice was warm even through the phone. “can i speak to her?”

jude glanced at y/n, holding out the phone. “she wants to talk to you.”

y/n blinked, taken aback. “me? oh, um, okay.” she hesitated for a moment before taking the phone, pressing it to her ear. “hello, mrs. bellingham?”

“please, call me denise,” jude’s mum said with a friendly laugh. “i’m so glad to finally speak to you, y/n. jude’s mentioned you before, you know. i’ve been wanting to thank you for looking after him at work.”

“oh, it’s nothing, really,” y/n said quickly, her cheeks flushing. “i just wanted to make sure he was okay. i’m sorry for coming over unannounced; i know it’s probably not appropriate…”

“nonsense,” denise cut her off gently. “you’re hardly a stranger, dear. you’re jude’s friend, and it’s not inappropriate at all. i’m actually really happy you’re there with him. he’s lucky to have someone like you looking out for him.”

y/n felt a warmth spread through her chest at those words, easing the lingering doubt she had felt. “thank you, denise. that means a lot.”

“it’s my pleasure,” denise replied warmly. “take good care of him for me, will you? and i can’t wait to meet you in person soon.”

“i will,” y/n promised before handing the phone back to jude. she caught the soft smile on his face as he finished the call, and she couldn’t help but feel a little shy under his gaze.

“what did my mum say to you?” jude asked, his tone teasing.

“just that you’re not a baby and that she’s glad i’m here,” y/n replied, a small smile playing on her lips. “she seems really nice.”

“she is,” jude agreed, his eyes lingering on her for a moment longer. “and she’s right, you know. i am glad you’re here.”

y/n felt her cheeks flush again as she quickly busied herself with getting the medicine she had brought. “you should take this,” she said, handing him a small cup of liquid. “it’ll help with the fever.”

jude made a face but took the medicine, grimacing as he swallowed it down. “ugh, that stuff is terrible.”

y/n couldn’t help but laugh at the expression on his face. “i know, but it works. here, drink some water.”

she held the glass for him as he drank, their fingers brushing slightly as she did. it was a small, intimate moment, but it made y/n’s heart skip a beat. she quickly pulled her hand back, hoping he didn’t notice the way her fingers trembled slightly.

jude set the glass down and leaned back against the couch, sighing as the medicine started to take effect. “you really didn’t have to do all this,” he murmured, his eyes starting to droop. “but thank you, y/n. it means more to me than you know.”

“it’s no problem,” she replied softly, reaching out to smooth a strand of hair away from his forehead. “you just focus on getting better.”

as jude settled into the couch, he reached for the remote and turned on the tv. “have you seen breaking bad?” he asked, his voice already thick with drowsiness.

“not really,” y/n admitted, settling beside him. “i’ve heard it’s good, though.”

“it is,” jude said, a small smile playing on his lips. “let’s start it from the beginning, then. you can keep me company.”

they watched the show in comfortable silence, the only sound in the room the low hum of the tv. as the first episode played, jude’s head gradually began to

 droop until it rested against y/n’s shoulder. she froze for a moment, unsure of what to do, but when he let out a contented sigh, she relaxed.

“you’re okay with this?” he mumbled, his voice slurred with sleep.

y/n smiled softly, her heart swelling with affection. “of course,” she whispered, gently guiding his head to her lap. “just rest.”

jude shifted slightly, getting comfortable, and as she began to run her fingers through his hair, he let out a low, satisfied hum. “that feels nice,” he murmured.

y/n’s smile widened, and she continued the soothing motion, her own heart calming as she watched him drift off. his breathing slowed, becoming steady and deep, but just as he was about to fully succumb to sleep, he stirred slightly.

“y/n?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“yeah?” she replied, still running her fingers through his curls.

“what do you like about me?” he asked, his tone so vulnerable that it caught her off guard.

y/n’s heart skipped a beat, and she hesitated, her hand stilling in his hair. “what do you mean?”

“i can’t tell,” jude confessed, his eyes still closed, his voice laced with exhaustion. “i know i like you, but i don’t know what you see in me.”

y/n’s chest tightened at his words, the vulnerability in his voice tugging at something deep within her. she resumed stroking his hair, her touch gentle and reassuring as she gathered her thoughts.

“jude, you’re one of the most patient, understanding, and caring people i’ve ever met,” she said softly, her voice trembling slightly with emotion. “you always take the time to listen, to make sure people are okay, even when you’re not feeling your best. and you’re not bad to look at either.”

a faint smile tugged at the corners of jude’s lips, even as he kept his eyes closed. “not bad, huh?”

“not bad at all,” y/n confirmed, her voice warm and teasing.

jude let out a small chuckle before his expression softened, and he opened his eyes to look up at her. “i like your heart, y/n,” he said quietly, his voice sincere. “you came all the way here to take care of me, and you didn’t have to. you’re the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen, inside and out.”

y/n felt her cheeks flush at his words, her heart swelling with affection and something deeper, something she didn’t quite know how to name. she continued to stroke his hair, her touch gentle and soothing as she tried to process the emotions swirling inside her.

“you’re my best friend, y/n,” jude murmured, his eyes drooping once more as sleep finally began to claim him. “and i’ll wait for you, okay? however long it takes.”

y/n’s breath hitched at his words, and she blinked back the sudden sting of tears. “okay,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “thank you, jude.”

as jude finally drifted off to sleep, y/n remained where she was, her fingers still gently running through his hair. she watched him for a while, her heart full of emotions she couldn’t quite name. for the first time in a long time, she felt at peace, the weight of her past fears and doubts lifted, if only for a moment.

and as she sat there, with jude resting in her lap, she couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, she had finally found a place where she belonged.

y/n sat on the couch, her legs tucked beneath her, as she watched jude’s chest rise and fall with each slow breath. his head, heavy and warm, rested in her lap, a stark contrast to herself sitting down. the sight made her smile softly—a huge man like jude, so strong and capable on the field, now lying vulnerable and completely at her mercy. it was almost comical, and yet, it felt right in a way she couldn’t fully explain.

the evening light filtered through the curtains, casting a golden hue over the room, adding to the quiet intimacy of the moment. y/n carefully brushed a few strands of hair from jude’s forehead, her fingers lingering there as she assessed his temperature. the fever had broken, but she could still feel the remnants of sweat clinging to his skin. she reached for the towel he’d been using earlier and gently patted his face, her movements tender and deliberate.

“wake up, love,” she murmured, the word slipping out before she could catch herself. she froze, her hand midair, but jude didn’t stir. she let out a small sigh of relief, assuming he was still too out of it to hear her. she continued to run her fingers through his hair, enjoying the softness beneath her touch, unaware of the contented smile that had crept onto his lips.

after a few moments, jude’s eyes fluttered open, his gaze hazy as he adjusted to the dim light. when he saw y/n, his smile widened, a warm glow filling his chest. “hey,” he mumbled, his voice rough with sleep.

“hey,” y/n replied softly, her fingers still threading through his hair. “how are you feeling?”

“better,” he said, his eyes closing again as he leaned into her touch. “much better.”

she couldn’t help but notice how his large frame almost dwarfed her, yet here he was, completely at ease in her care. jude shifted slightly, his cheek brushing against her thigh, and that’s when he noticed how damp it was. he groaned softly, lifting his head just enough to look at her apologetically. “i’m sorry, i think i sweat all over you.”

y/n shook her head, a small smile on her lips. “it’s fine, really. i’m just glad the medicine is working.”

jude hesitated before raising his head fully from her lap, reluctant to break the connection but knowing he needed to. “you’ve been here the whole time?” he asked, his voice tinged with disbelief.

“yeah,” y/n said, rising from the couch to get more medicine for him. “you’ve been asleep for a good two and a half hours. i just… wanted to make sure you were okay.”

he watched her with a mix of gratitude and something deeper, something he wasn’t quite ready to name. “you didn’t have to stay,” he said, though the idea of her leaving felt strangely wrong.

“i wanted to,” she replied, her voice firm yet gentle as she handed him the medicine. “besides, someone had to make sure you took this.”

jude took the medicine from her, their fingers brushing in the exchange. it was a small, fleeting touch, but it sent a shiver down his spine. he quickly downed the medicine with a grimace, then took the glass of water she offered, drinking it all without taking his eyes off her.

“so, you got pretty far in the show, huh?” he asked, trying to steer the conversation to something lighter. jude looked at her in surprise, his eyes brightening a little. “watching it without me?” he teased lightly, though there was genuine happiness in his tone. “i’m just glad you like it enough to continue .”

“i did,” she admitted, moving to get him more medicine. “though i think i’ll need you to explain a few things to me. some parts were a bit confusing.”

he chuckled softly, the sound warming her from the inside out. “i’ll gladly give you a rundown anytime,” he replied, his eyes following her as she returned with the medicine.

“i’m surprised you actually got me into it.” y/n said with a nod, sitting back down beside him. 

jude chuckled, feeling a bit more like himself. “told you it’s good. i’m just glad you didn’t leave while i was out cold.”

y/n smiled, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “i almost did,” she admitted, her voice softening. “i didn’t want to intrude or make you uncomfortable.”

“intrude?” jude echoed, his brows knitting together in confusion. “y/n, you’re the last person who could ever make me uncomfortable. honestly… i was really happy to see you when i woke up.”

y/n blushed, ducking her head to hide it. “i just didn’t know if you’d want me here. i mean, i showed up without even having your number. it’s a bit… embarrassing.”

jude’s expression softened, and he reached out to tilt her chin up, making her meet his eyes. “i’m glad you came,” he said, his voice sincere. “and now, you don’t have to worry about that.” he handed her his phone, his smile turning playful. “go on, put your number in.”

y/n took his phone, her fingers trembling slightly as she entered her number. she handed it back to him, and he saved it with a contented nod. “there, now you can’t say you don’t have my number,” he teased.

she laughed softly, but her mind was still racing with thoughts. “you know, i had to go through your file to get your address,” she confessed, a bit sheepish. “the lengths i went to…”

jude chuckled, shaking his head. “and here i was thinking you had some secret method for tracking me down,” he teased, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

y/n rolled her eyes playfully. “it’s not like that. i just—i was really worried about you.”

“i know,” jude said, his teasing tone fading into something more serious. “and i really appreciate it, y/n. more than you know.”

the room fell into a comfortable silence, the air between them thick with unspoken emotions. jude leaned back against the couch, his hand reaching out to hers. he gently squeezed her fingers, a silent thank you for everything she had done for him.

“i should probably go,” y/n said after a while, though the words felt heavy on her tongue.

jude’s hand tightened around hers. “do you have to?” he asked, the vulnerability in his voice catching her off guard.

“my brother and sister-in-law are nearby,” she explained, though she wasn’t in a hurry to leave, “they can pick me up.”

jude shook his head, a stubborn set to his jaw. “no, i’ll take you home. you came all this way to take care of me, it’s the least i can do.”

y/n frowned, worry etching across her features as she gently squeezed his hand. “jude, you’re still sick. you need to rest more, not drive around the city. please, let my brother get me. i’ll feel better knowing you’re here, taking care of yourself.”

he opened his mouth to argue but was met with the determined look in her eyes. with a sigh, he relented, though his hand didn’t let go of hers. “fine, but you have to promise me you’ll call when you get home. i want to know you’re safe.”

y/n’s expression softened at the concern in his voice. “i will,” she promised, offering him a reassuring smile. “i’ll text you as soon as i’m home.”

jude’s face fell slightly, though he tried to mask it. “oh… okay.”

“hey,” she reached out, brushing her thumb gently across the back of his hand, “it’s not goodbye forever. you’re stuck with me, remember?”

his lips quirked up at that, a small smile breaking through his disappointment. “yeah, i remember.”

y/n stood up slowly, reluctant to break the connection. “i’m glad you’re feeling better,” she said, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to his cheek.

jude closed his eyes at the feel of her lips on his skin, a warmth spreading through him that had nothing to do with the fever. when he opened his eyes again, y/n was already at the door, her hand resting on the handle.

“y/n,” he called out, making her pause and turn back to him. he smiled softly, the words slipping out before he could stop them. “thank you… and, you know, i think i’m completely gone for you.”

y/n’s heart skipped a beat at his confession, and she felt her cheeks heat up. but instead of responding, she just smiled back at him, her eyes shining with a mixture of emotions.

“i’ll see you soon, jude,” she said softly, before slipping out the door and into the cool evening air.

as the door clicked shut behind her, jude let out a long breath, his heart pounding in his chest. he knew without a doubt that he was completely and utterly gone for her.

as y/n stepped out of jude’s apartment building, she spotted her brother’s car parked a short distance away. the street was quiet, with only the soft hum of the city in the background. her thoughts were still tangled up in the warmth of jude’s apartment, the feeling of his hand lingering in hers, and the way he’d looked at her like he didn’t want her to leave. as she walked toward the car, she couldn’t shake the heaviness in her chest.

the moment she opened the back door, carmen’s warm smile greeted her. “hey, y/n! how was your night?” she asked, scooting over to make room for her.

y/n slid into the backseat, pulling the door shut behind her. “it was… nice,” she replied softly, trying to keep the fluttering in her stomach from showing on her face as she buckled in.

alejandro glanced at her in the rearview mirror as he started the car. “this is some neighborhood,” he commented, the hint of curiosity in his voice impossible to miss. “what kind of friend do you have living in a place like this?”

y/n hesitated, feeling her cheeks warm under his gaze. “just… a friend,” she said, her voice quiet. she wasn’t sure how much to say, but the thought of hiding jude felt strange, like she was denying something that had already grown important to her.

carmen, ever the playful one, turned around in her seat, eyebrow raised. “a friend? come on, y/n. we’re family—you can’t just drop a hint like that and not spill the details.”

y/n fiddled with the strap of her bag, her heart beating faster. “his name is jude… jude bellingham,” she confessed, the words feeling almost surreal as they left her lips.

alejandro’s reaction was instant. he slammed on the brakes, the car lurching forward and causing them all to jerk in their seats. “wait, what? jude bellingham, the football star?” he exclaimed, turning to look at her, eyes wide with disbelief. “y/n, what is someone like him doing hanging out with you?”

the question hit her like a slap. y/n’s heart sank, and she felt a wave of hurt wash over her. “what do you mean, someone like me?” she asked, her voice trembling with the effort to stay calm, but her eyes betrayed her.

alejandro softened, though his confusion was clear. “you’re… you’re just different, y/n. you’re sweet, shy, and always looking for something serious. a guy like jude… he’s got the whole world at his feet. women practically throw themselves at him, and he’s… well, he’s…”

“he’s what?” y/n cut in, a sharp edge in her voice. “out of my league? or is it that you think i’m not good enough?”

alejandro winced at her words, knowing he’d touched a nerve. “that’s not what i meant, y/n. it’s just… you were with javier for so long, and now you’re spending time with someone like jude? it’s… it’s different. he’s not the type to settle down, and i don’t want you getting hurt.”

y/n’s chest tightened, the old wounds from her relationship with javier threatening to resurface. she wasn’t blind to the reality that jude could have anyone he wanted, and that insecurity gnawed at her more than she’d like to admit. but hearing it from her brother, someone who was supposed to protect her, made it sting even more.

before she could respond, carmen jumped in, her voice firm and protective. “alejandro, that’s enough,” she said, glaring at him. “y/n is an amazing woman, and she deserves happiness just like anyone else. jude is lucky to have her as a friend, and you should be proud that your sister is attracting the attention of someone so wonderful, not trying to tear her down.”

alejandro opened his mouth to argue, but carmen wasn’t finished. “and another thing—y/n isn’t some naive little girl. she knows what she wants, and she’s smart enough to make her own decisions. if jude is spending time with her, it’s because he sees what we all see: that she’s kind, caring, and beautiful inside and out.”

y/n felt tears prickling at the corners of her eyes, but she blinked them back, grateful for carmen’s fierce defense. “thanks, carmen,” she said softly, her voice thick with emotion.

carmen reached back and squeezed y/n’s hand reassuringly. “don’t let anyone make you doubt yourself, y/n. you’re worth more than that, and you deserve to be happy, with whoever makes you feel good.”

alejandro sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly as the tension in the car hung heavy. “lo siento, y/n,” he murmured, glancing at her through the mirror again. “i just… i worry about you. that’s all.”

“i know,” y/n replied, her voice softer now. “but you don’t have to. i’m fine, really. jude… he’s a good guy.”

alejandro nodded slowly, though his expression was still troubled. “okay. just… be careful, okay?”

the rest of the ride was quieter, the tension lingering but softened by carmen’s presence. when they finally pulled up to her apartment, carmen turned to y/n with a gentle smile. “you call us if you need anything, okay? and don’t let alejandro’s nonsense get to you.”

y/n managed a small smile. “i will. thanks, carmen.”

as she stepped out of the car, she felt a strange mix of emotions swirling inside her—gratitude for her sister-in-law’s support, lingering hurt from her brother’s words, and a deep, unsettling uncertainty about where things stood with jude. she made her way into her apartment, the familiar surroundings doing little to calm her racing thoughts.

meanwhile, back at jude’s place, he was lying in bed, his phone resting on his chest as he stared up at the ceiling. the minutes ticked by, and with each one, his anticipation grew. he had been waiting for a text from y/n, something to let him know she got home safely, but his phone remained silent. he thought back to the way she’d looked at him, the way she’d taken care of him without hesitation. a smile tugged at his lips as he remembered the sound of her calling him “love,” even if she hadn’t meant for him to hear it.

finally, jude picked up his phone and typed out a quick message: 

jude: you get home okay? thanks again for everything tonight. sleep well. <3

he placed the phone back on his chest, still smiling as he thought about her. he didn’t know where things were headed with y/n, but tonight had made one thing clear—she was special to him, more than he’d realized. as he closed his eyes, he felt a sense of calm wash over him, the warmth of her presence still lingering in his mind. whatever tomorrow brought, he knew he didn’t want to lose what they had.

y/n sat at her desk in the physio room, her fingers idly tracing the edge of a medical file as she tried to focus on the work in front of her. the familiar hum of the facility buzzed around her, but her mind was elsewhere—lost in the whirlwind of emotions she’d been wrestling with since last night. every time she closed her eyes, she could still feel the warmth of jude’s hand in hers, hear the softness in his voice as he asked her to stay. the memory of him lying there, vulnerable and sweet, sent a shiver down her spine, one that was equal parts excitement and fear.

she couldn’t deny it anymore. whatever she felt for jude, it was real, tangible, and growing stronger by the day. but with that realization came the familiar sting of doubt. she’d been down this road before—letting herself fall, only to be hurt in ways she never expected. javier had left scars that were still too fresh, too deep to ignore. she remembered how he’d made her feel small, unworthy, like she was never enough. and though jude was nothing like him, the fear of history repeating itself lingered at the back of her mind, casting a shadow over the joy she felt when she was with him.

as y/n was lost in her thoughts, the door to the physio room creaked open. she looked up, expecting to see another player needing treatment, but her heart skipped a beat when she saw jude standing in the doorway, his familiar grin lighting up his face.

"there's my favorite girl," jude said, his voice warm and teasing as he stepped inside, his eyes locking onto hers.

y/n’s cheeks warmed instantly, a shy smile tugging at her lips. "your favorite girl? what happened to your favorite physio?" she asked, arching a playful eyebrow at him.

jude’s grin widened as he walked over, leaning casually against the treatment table. "well, i figured it was about time you got a promotion," he said, his tone light but his eyes holding a certain intensity. "besides, you’re definitely more than just my favorite physio, y/n."

her heart fluttered at his words, and she had to look away for a moment, focusing on the paperwork in front of her to steady herself. "i’m flattered, bellingham," she murmured, trying to keep her voice steady, even as her pulse raced.

“you should be,” he replied, his voice low and teasing. “you’ve managed to climb to the top of the list in record time.”

y/n laughed softly, shaking her head. “i didn’t realize i was being ranked,” she said, meeting his gaze again.

“oh, you are,” jude said, his smile softening. “but trust me, it’s a good thing.”

just as y/n was about to respond, jude’s expression shifted, a more serious look crossing his face, though there was still a hint of playfulness in his eyes. “but, speaking of things you didn’t realize… why didn’t you text me when you got home last night?” he asked, tilting his head slightly. “i was worried, you know.”

y/n blinked, caught off guard by the question. “oh… i’m sorry, jude. i didn’t mean to worry you,” she said quickly, feeling a pang of guilt. “i guess i was just tired and it slipped my mind.”

jude’s expression softened further, though there was still a glint of mischief in his eyes. “well, i had to do a welfare check to make sure you were safe,” he said, his tone light but sincere. “i almost sent out a search party.”

y/n’s eyes widened slightly, and she could tell he was exaggerating, but the concern in his voice made her heart ache in the best way. “a search party?” she repeated, a small smile tugging at her lips.

“yep,” jude nodded, leaning closer, his voice dropping to a whisper as if sharing a secret. “i was this close to calling in reinforcements.”

y/n laughed, her tension melting away under his warm gaze. “you’re ridiculous,” she said, shaking her head, though she couldn’t help the warmth spreading through her chest at the thought of him caring enough to worry.

“maybe,” he admitted, his smile softening as he looked at her. “but i care about you, y/n. a lot.”

her breath caught at his words, and she found herself unable to look away from him, the sincerity in his eyes making her heart swell. she could see it now, the way he looked at her, the way his voice softened when he spoke to her—it wasn’t just a joke or a casual flirtation. he truly cared about her, and that realization both thrilled and terrified her.

“i’m sorry i worried you,” she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. “i’ll make sure to text you next time.”

“good,” jude said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze, his thumb brushing over her knuckles in a way that sent a shiver down her spine. “i’d hate to have to go through all that again.”

they shared a quiet moment, the air between them charged with unspoken words and emotions. y/n felt her heart racing, her mind spinning with everything she wanted to say but couldn’t find the courage to. but jude didn’t push; he simply smiled at her, his eyes warm and reassuring, making her feel like everything was going to be okay.

“you know,” he said after a moment, his tone lightening again, “you really do owe me for all that stress.”

y/n raised an eyebrow, trying to mask the way her heart was still fluttering. “oh, do i?”

“mm-hmm,” jude nodded, a mischievous glint returning to his eyes. “but don’t worry, i’ll collect my payment in installments. maybe starting with another one of those movie nights.”

y/n laughed, the tension in her chest easing as she met his playful gaze. “deal,” she said, feeling a little more at ease. “but only if you promise not to worry too much if i forget to text you again.”

“only if you promise to keep me in the loop,” jude countered, his grin widening.

“i promise,” she said softly, her smile matching his.

“good,” jude said, his voice warm as he leaned in closer, his lips brushing softly against her cheek in a tender, lingering kiss. the touch was light, almost like a whisper, but it sent a wave of warmth through y/n’s entire body.

when he pulled back, there was a playful smirk on his face. “i owed you one of those,” he murmured, his voice low and teasing.

y/n’s cheeks flushed crimson, and she instinctively brought a hand up to the spot where his lips had been. “jude…” she whispered, her voice barely audible. she felt flustered, caught off guard by the unexpected kiss, but also undeniably giddy.

he chuckled softly, clearly pleased with her reaction. “what? you didn’t see that one coming?” 

“no, i… definitely didn’t,” she admitted, her heart racing. “you’re full of surprises, bellingham.”

“just wait,” he said, giving her hand a final squeeze before releasing it. “there’s plenty more where that came from.”

she could only stare at him, her mind spinning with a mix of emotions—nervousness, excitement, and something else she couldn’t quite name. as he turned to leave, she found herself wishing he’d stay just a little longer.

there was a moment of silence between them, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. it was the kind of silence that felt full of unspoken words and shared feelings, the kind that made y/n’s heart flutter in her chest. she found herself wanting to reach out, to close the distance between them, but the fear of what that might mean held her back. instead, she focused on the way jude was looking at her, the tenderness in his eyes making her feel like she was the only thing that mattered to him.

“you’re really something else, you know that?” jude said suddenly, his voice low and sincere. “i don’t think i’ve ever met anyone like you.”

y/n’s breath caught in her throat at his words, and she felt her heart swell with emotion. “jude…” she began, but the words failed her. what could she say? that she was falling for him, that he made her feel things she hadn’t felt in years, that she was terrified of what that might mean?

he seemed to sense her hesitation, and he reached out, gently taking her hand in his. the touch was warm, comforting, and it sent a jolt of electricity through her. “it’s okay, y/n,” he said softly, his thumb brushing over the back of her hand. “you don’t have to say anything. i just wanted you to know.”

she looked down at their joined hands, feeling the weight of his words settle over her like a soft blanket. she wanted to believe him, to let herself fall completely into whatever this was, but the voice in the back of her mind—the one that whispered javier’s cruel words—kept holding her back.

before she could get too lost in her thoughts, jude stood up, still holding her hand. “i should get going,” he said, his tone light even though his eyes lingered on her face, like he was memorizing every detail. “but i’ll see you tomorrow?”

“see you tomorrow, y/n,” he called over his shoulder, giving her one last smile before he walked out of the room, leaving her standing there, her cheek still tingling from the kiss.

as the door clicked shut behind him, y/n let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. she touched her cheek again, feeling the warmth still lingering there, and couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face.

she was in deep now, and she knew it. but as scary as it was, she couldn’t deny that there was something about jude—something that made her want to take the leap, to see where this could go. maybe it was crazy, maybe it was risky, but as she stood there, heart racing and cheeks flushed, y/n couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, it would be worth it.

next

© PDRIESTA 2024

taglist — @sinners-98-world @stephiii29 @kcharlyy @landosgirlxoxo @judesthighveins @ilovelifes-world @cinderellawithashoe @imnyt @miniemonie2001 @lunamelona @treble-snot

[sunkissedscribbles]

Prejudiced - Chapter One

this is only a part of the series, the next chapters can be found here

a/n: hey lovelies! i’m starting this ff called ‘prejudiced’ and am gonna be posting the chapters here, as well as on wattpad (more info on my page). i only made a minor change compared to wattpad because i’m going to be merging 2-3 wattpad chapters when posting here. so, here is the first one, i hope you’ll like it!!

word count: 3478

tw: my bad writing.

summary: cassie and mattheo bonding

next chapter>

dividers by @chachachannah

Empty and half-empty bottles of firewhisky all over the place; on tables, under the chairs and the sofas, and loud music — this is how the Gryffindors celebrate a win against any of the other Quidditch teams of Hogwarts. These are the only nights we are "allowed" to stay up late, celebrating and drinking as if we were in a pub. More like, this is the only occasion the teachers don't bother to send us ruthlessly to bed.

The smell of alcohol in the air is sickening and I feel a little bit dizzy as there is no air left in the common room. I get up from the floor where we are sitting in a circle, playing the most cliché game ever; truth or dare, then head toward the portrait hole.

As the portrait shuts behind me, I no longer hear the people who are partying in the common room, nor do I hear the music that is playing in there. For a few moments, the sudden silence is deafening and my ears need a few seconds to recover from the internal beeping in my head.

Now it's silent.

There's not a sound except for the quiet snickering coming from the portraits and for my breathing. The castle is still and as always, it feels like someone's or something's watching me. But I know that's not true as long as I don't spot Mrs Norris. I turn around to see if she's there but as I make sure not a soul is here to catch me sneaking out of the common room at this ungodly hour, I make my way towards the Astronomy Tower, hoping to find peace and some fresh air there.

The noise was too much for me in the common room, the too many people made the air hard to breathe for me, and I started to feel like I didn't occupy my own body, as if I was watching my life and actions from outside my body. It happens quite often, my senses get overwhelmed, and all the impulses I got in the past hour made me a little sleepy and disassociated, that's why I decided to hunt for some peace and air.

As I reach the top level of the tower, I stop for a moment. I can see someone smoking by the railing. How did I not notice the smell of smoke when coming up here? I tend to zone out; I can't even recall my way here and it's so weird when I think about it.

From behind, I can't exactly tell who I'm looking at other than figuring out it's a boy and I'd leave as he must be looking for some alone time if he's here this late, without company but he turns around to see who's interrupting his me-time.

Do boys even have me-time?

It's Mattheo Riddle. My eyes meet his dark brown ones that reflect the moon's bright shine. He stiffens in his whole body as he locks his gaze with mine, the cigarette he was smoking already by his foot, stomped on and I can see his features harden, his hands clenching into fists warningly like he was about to throw punches without hesitation if needed. He probably would, though — he's the kind to get his hands dirty the Muggle way.

I feel sorry for him as I realize only being in someone's company whom he hasn't really talked to before is enough to make him go defensive in a split second. I have honestly always felt a kind of sympathy for him for being instantly prejudiced against by everyone only because of his father. I got judged too, but he for sure has it worse.

I recall the moment from earlier today when Fred and George played a prank on him. I hadn't seen what happened or what the prank was and only got to know anything had happened at all when getting ready for the match. Those two are one year ahead of me and have been my best friends since my first year at Hogwarts. As soon as I overheard they did something to Mattheo that he hadn't even deserved, I scolded them instantly and reminded them how similar my situation is to his; being prejudiced and judged by everyone when learning your surname. They always think of the worst things when they learn I'm a Black-descendant.

For a second, I get quite bold and without even approaching Mattheo, I look into his eyes.

"I want to apologize in the name of Fred and George for what they did today. I know you didn't deserve it and now they know it too." I tell him, not frightened by him a slight bit like other students would be.

"Why would you do that?" he barks back, his tone harsh and incredulous.

"Because those gits are too proud to apologize themselves. The perfect stereotype of a Gryffindor, I guess," I offer him a light smile as I shrug.

He seems cold as ice and it would probably be the best option to leave him alone but staying here is so tempting and I'm willing to earn at least the smallest of smiles from him. There is something in him, in his presence that makes me want to stay here.

I approach and join him leaning on the railing with my forearms as I look up at the sky.

"I thought the sky wasn't so cloudy tonight." I try to engage in small talk with him, getting him to say something but the ice he got himself locked into seems unbreakable.

I must admit we both are in our fourth year at Hogwarts so we are classmates but have talked probably once or twice before; we have never really got the chance to. I have always wanted to talk to him and maybe become friends but he seemed way out of my league; we aren't in the same caste, in spite of having mutual friends. He's the reserved, cold Slytherin boy, Riddle heir whereas I'm a rather cheerful Gryffindor — quite an annoying one, I must admit. But I have always set my hopes high and this moment seems like the perfect chance to try to break the ice. To see what's under that cold gaze, ruthless and mean facial expression. Because from what I've seen so far, he's almost stoic, restrained in a way of keeping any emotions under control — except for his anger. This boy clearly has problems with keeping his temper in check; but don't all who've grown up into families of the Sacred Twenty-Eight?

"You come here often? Haven't seen you here yet." I try to talk to him again and to my biggest surprise, he does answer.

"We don't have to talk. We are only at the same place by pure accident."

His tone is snarky, clearly not in the mood to chat with me but yet again, I am determined.

"You know, you're not the only one with a troubled family line." I turn my head in his direction, my tone somewhat low and serious.

I catch him off guard with this statement and the sudden change in the subject, I can tell that just by how his gaze softens for a moment, losing his indifferent, stern look for a slight second before regaining his will over his expressions.

But as he doesn't reply with anything, I keep on going.

"I get prejudiced a lot too."

"Doesn't seem to affect you," he mumbles under his breath.

"Not a hard thing to cope with," I shrug — it's a lie.

"Easy to say if you're in Gryffindor," he huffs, becoming defensive once again.

"Those are just stereotypes." I brush it off with a bitter undertone to which my shoulders visibly tense up. "I could be in Hufflepuff and be a Death Eater as well. Your house doesn't define you. Slytherins can be good people too. They are just misunderstood."

He thinks about what I have just said. His gaze slowly but surely softens a little.

He lets out a small, bitter laugh that's barely more than the air he blew out through his nose.

"But isn't being in Slytherin in my case a bit..."

"Sinister?" I ask. He nods. "I guess it sounds that a little bit, yeah. But it's up to you what you do with it. I mean, isn't being in Gryffindor as a Black a little..."

"Ridiculous?" now he asks and I nod. "It is. Not ordinary for a Black to go against their family's will."

"My family can suck it," I say straightforwardly. "They are just people who think a big dynasty makes them greater than the rest of the world's population with inbreeding and following the same old-fashioned pureblood-maniac views."

He looks at me, a little taken aback by my bluntness but the side of his lips curl up into a small smirk. This is what I call progress.

"The black sheep of the family, are you then?"

"Could say so," I shrug with a sly smile that's my body's natural reaction to seeing someone smile at me. Plus, I'm happy I've got him to talk to me. I'm making history tonight. "What about you?"

"Me? I thought you know who I am," he smirks humourlessly; I can see a hint of bitterness and pain in his eyes.

"I know who your biological father is but that's only blood, isn't it? That doesn't define you," I smile, trying to enlighten his mood with a sympathetic facial expression.

He bites his bottom lip as he lets out a little chuckle, but again, a humourless one.

"I know you have heard the rumours. Last year, everyone thought I opened the Chamber of Secrets. I'm bloody sick of them thinking they know me only because I'm the heir to the Dark Lord. They think I'm untrustworthy and will stab them in the back as soon as they turn around. And the Slytherins that are Death Eaters' children? They expect me to lead them, they want me to be the next Voldemort now that he's gone," he turns his head facing away from me for a moment, biting his lip again before sighing and looking back at me. "I just want to be normal for once, y'know."

I nod with understanding shining in my eyes. I've been through this too and I'm glad he opened up at least this much; to not become defensive at my every look and word and telling me he's had enough of the judgemental people he's had to face in his life.

I also remember last year, when people were convinced he was the one to open the chamber under the castle's basement until they'd seen and heard Harry interact with the snake summoned by Draco during the duelling lesson.

"Thank you," I say.

He looks at me, confused, "What?"

"You were honest," I smile lightly but genuinely, and to this gesture, his eyes light up a bit but I'm not sure if he's aware of that. "But you didn't answer my question. Who are you?"

A small smirk, that could have easily been missed, appears on his face, "You'll have to figure it out."

The next few days go by with only a slight difference to how it has been before. Due to the amount I have to study, I don't even seem to balance my study time and my free time and I feel like I'm going absolutely insane.

But that is not the difference I'm talking about.

The contrast is, that we always say hi to each other with Mattheo in class and when walking by each other. I know it's not much but I'm just glad we are actually going somewhere and small progress is still progress, isn't it?

Currently, I'm studying in the library, writing my essay for Astronomy class but I just don't seem to be able to force myself to concentrate anymore so I quickly decide to get some fresh air and head to the Astronomy Tower instead. And, listening to Lavender gossiping only a few tables away from me also bothered me so I am glad for a good reason to escape the four walls of the castle too.

I'm pleased to see there's no one up in the tower so I sit down with my back against a large column, and opening my books, I start to finish my essay about myths that have something to do with astronomy. For this topic, I chose the myth of how Perseus saved Andromeda and of course, the antecedents of it; how and why she got on that rock which was her parents' fault — Cassiopeia and Cepheus. Is it egocentric to tell the myth of the woman I got my name after? Those bloody Blacks and their favouritism over fucked up names!

I could've just written about Hercules and include Leo, Taurus, and Hydra. Or could've just put the main focus on Medusa. Screw it...

I get lost in my thoughts somewhere in the middle of a sentence whilst staring up at the sky with my head tilted back against the column. I am completely at ease, zoned out, so much so that I don't even notice the footsteps approaching me, only when I hear someone call my name.

"Black?" Mattheo's voice shakes me out of my thoughts as he looks down at me.

"Hiya, Mattheo," I smile up at him before he sits beside me, looking curiously at the parchment in my hand.

"Whatcha doing?"

"My essay for Astronomy. You done it already?"

"Didn't even know there was anything to do," he shrugs it off nonchalantly. "What's the topic?"

"Myths that have something to do with astronomy."

"You chose Cassiopeia, I suppose?" he looks at me softly, and I nod. I love to see how he let down his shield a little bit already. But I can't get over the fact he knows about the myth. He smiles as he notices the confused look on my face. "You got your name after her?"

"I did. Most members of 'The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black' have their names after objects in the sky. My cousin's got his name after Draco, the dragon. He's a year younger than us."

"Yeah, I know him. He's annoying," he nods and I chuckle at his statement.

We stay silent for a little while, processing the things said between us. My mind is racing, just as usual. Now that I think about it, I think it's unique and a great tradition to name your kids after such things as stars, galaxies, and constellations but I would've preferred a name that's not after a cruel woman like Cassiopeia; I know it wasn't her choice to sacrifice her daughter but if I were her, I'd rather jump into the mouth of the Cetus myself than doing that to my child. But still, I must agree with the fact that my name is beautiful and the meaning of it suits me pretty well; she, who chooses to excel.

"Do you know what your name means?" I ask out of thin air as I shake myself out of my thoughts.

Mattheo looks at me with a confused look on his face; I really did catch him off guard with this question. Me and my impulsivity (and my rushing thoughts), I guess.

"I-I don't know? Never thought about looking it up. Never really cared. Why?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking," I smile lightly, shaking my head, thinking about it. "Could be either the Hebrew or Italian version to the English Matthew which means 'gift of God,'" I squint my eyes slightly while thinking.

He furrows his brows slightly at my explanation and he looks up at the sky. It's becoming darker and darker outside and I can see a bright star already. Must be Sirius, judging by how we are already in February.

I then remember the rumour of Sirius Black being in Hogwarts. How would that even be possible? I mean-

"What is the meaning of your name?" he asks me after a few seconds, interrupting my train of thought.

"She, who chooses to excel," I answer without thinking. The sides of his lips curl into a little smirk.

"Fits you," is all he says. A small smile creeps upon my lips.

We don't talk much more for a long time and I go back to finish the sentence that I stopped writing in the middle, now really intending to finish the essay.

After a few minutes of simply staring at the sky, Mattheo gets up from beside me and walks to the railing, grabbing his pack of cigs. I don't even need to look up to know what he's about to do. His fag is already between his lips but doesn't seem to have a lighter on him, I assume by how he's looking into all of his pockets.

"I think it's a sign to stop damaging yourself, especially at fourteen," I comment in a rather annoyed tone. One thing I could never bear is people smoking around me. They really don't care about the consequences of it, do they?

"Live fast, die pretty," he shrugs. "Plus, I'm fifteen."

I roll my eyes with a little smirk.

"What difference does it make?" I ask but as soon as I say it out loud, a song with the same title starts playing in my head and I can't help but think "What's wrong with me when this happens?" Because it happens a lot.

"Got no light, anyway."

"You've got a wand, dumbass," I chuckle.

He rolls his eyes and pretends to be annoyed as he pulls out his wand from the pocket of his jeans. I look up at him from the bottom of the column with my almost-finished essay in hand; he's wearing a white short-sleeve with a black long-sleeve under it, blue jeans, and his black Converse. We have matching shoes, I think as I look at my feet. I can't hold back a small smile at this coincidence but I can't seem to manage to make up a good reason as to why this triggers such a reaction in me — honestly, I don't even really care.

From the corner of my eye, I sense him looking at me right after I get back to my homework. These are my very last sentences before finishing the essay, now for real, and I can't help but notice how my butt hurts by now; I've been sitting here for almost an hour by this time.

Stretching out and cracking my neck, I get up and walk up to the railing, leaning on it with my forearms next to the boy. The light wind plays with my brown hair as I look down at the water. I shift my gaze up at the sky, admiring the stars that are barely noticeable just yet.

He looks at my face and I don't look at him until I pop out the question that's been bothering me for a while now. "Do you think we have a choice on who we'll be? Like, our kind?"

"Our kind?"

I nod. "Those who come from troubled families and families with great past. Do you think we'll ever be able to just... live a normal life without people thinking we'll bring destruction?"

He thinks for a moment before answering, "I thought you said you'd shown people your family doesn't define you?"

"That's never enough," now it's my turn to let out a bitter laugh. "I could do anything to prove them wrong, they expect me to show up with a Dark Mark one day and cause people's deaths. Just because I came from a pureblood-maniac family with views that support Voldemort even after his fall, even if no Blacks have raised me, even with dancing on the edge of getting disowned, that's not enough."

"No Blacks have raised you?" he asks. I hope that's not the only thing that he caught from what I've said though.

"Dad died shortly after I was born. Grandparents dead, uncle in Azkaban. I mean... he was. Mum has raised me on her own-"

"So Sirius Black really is your uncle," he realizes before stomping on his cigarette and I nod.

"His brother was my father," I answer shortly. "People say I must've helped him escape behind my back."

"Yea, I've heard. So did you?" he asks with a sly smirk to enlighten the mood.

"Shut up, Riddle," I nudge him with my elbow with a grateful, easy laugh. It feels natural to talk to him this openly, for some reason.

"Make me, Black," he leans closer with a grin and I roll my eyes before turning my head to face the sky again. He seems like he's getting comfortable around me by the second which makes me quite... happy.

thank you for reading the first chapter! i intend to release chapters every wednesday. comment if you'd like to be tagged<3

[allwormdiet]

Arc 1: Gestation, Concluding Thoughts

Two days in the life of Taylor Hebert, with a bonus one night in the life of Danny Hebert. Let's break it down.

Right now, initial feelings are really positive. I like this arc, I get why people are in on this in such a hardcore fashion, like it's making sense to me as I'm reading it. The characterization is really strong, the A to B plot is cool, and the first fight scene was a fucking banger to open up with.

And like, shit, I get why Taylor is throwing herself into cape life, right? Civilian life is already such fucking misery for her, utterly alone and the only person who's theoretically in her corner is sympathetic but just as helpless as she is. Yeah sure, mortal peril, but if she had nothing to do I feel like the bullying would've killed her eventually. Death versus Lung is at least marginally more noble than death by Emma. And isn't that fucking bleak.

Looking ahead a little bit towards Arc 2 and I'm immensely curious how long it'll take Taylor to do cape stuff again. I feel like I'd need a solid month to process the whole "near death experience" thing and then spend time sweating over whether I even put the mask on ever again. Meanwhile I wouldn't be surprised if Taylor went back out in like a week, because she's a hardcore maniac.

It's also very interesting looking at this and considering the exact sequence of events that went through these chapters. If the bullies didn't wreck Taylor's notebook, or if Taylor took a different message away from its destruction, there might be one or more dead Undersiders right now, and to a lesser extent Armsmaster wouldn't both get credit for a major capture and also owe this rookie hero a favor. Both of those things are going to matter a lot, and it's, I dunno, some people would call that contrived but real life is so full of weird coincidence and happenstance I can buy this no problem.

...Honestly now I get why so many AUs that diverge before this point still include the Lung fight and the Undersiders and Armsmaster meetings, like yeah at that point it's contrivance but I'm not going to sweat an author too hard because they don't want to figure out how fucking dramatic the butterfly effect (hah, butterfly) would be on the rest of the story. Like yeah it's contrived, but that's a lot of work they'd have to do otherwise.

That aside, I'm gonna get back on topic and meditate on my current gripes. 1.3 was a legitimate low point in this arc with the description of the Docks and its residents and their circumstances, and the total clusterfuck of the Azn Bad Boys, which. By the by this is the last time I'm going to say the full name of that gang, ABB is shorter and is less embarrassing for everybody involved. Wall-to-wall racism, classism, and an utter lack of sympathy for the lesser-thans. Like we're talking about crack whores in the year of our lord 2011, or, they were written about in 2011 and I'm hollering about it on the internet in 2024. When this kind of thing comes back up (when, not if, I'm not that optimistic) I just hope I can work around it, like eating everything but the bruise on an apple.

To close this out, I'm thinking about the people in Taylor's life. Emma, a former friend turned bully, and her cronies Madison and Sophia. Pretty shallow characterization at this point, just that they're cruel to the point of hospitalizing their victim. Danny Hebert is supportive, but has all the strength of a sponge when it comes to holding up against the pressures that weigh on Taylor, and he knows it but he's not doing anything differently. The Undersiders, criminals who mistake Taylor for a criminal, but identify her correctly as a comrade and potential friend, who realize she was fighting for them and went to fight for her. Armsmaster, who offers her very genuine and very sought-after praise as an authority figure, and then leans on that authority to get what he wants out of a freshly traumatized and exhausted teenager.

Is it any wonder that Taylor takes the path that she does? Would anyone have it in them to be surprised if they could see all of this from a bird's eye view?

I wonder if Armsmaster ever thinks back about this night, lying awake in bed. If he ever wonders what he could or should have done differently, or if he couldn't have done anything to divert course.

I was talking to my girlfriend about something related to this the other night, actually. If it's worse in a tragedy for there to have been a chance to avert it all, or if it's worse for the end to be inevitable. Looking at Taylor, looking at Brockton Bay, looking at Earth Bet? I dunno. If someone had acted early, with knowledge and intention sufficient to actually provide aid, maybe it would've been enough, but hell. Maybe not. I don’t know which possibility is more damning.

...I get melancholy when it's late, but I don't think it'd be right to delete all that; it's how I'm feeling about the novel, and that's what this blog is for, so even if it's a bit dramatic it'd be self-defeating to pretend I didn't say it.

Arc 2... probably starts tomorrow, assuming nothing comes up. Glad to say I'm looking forward to it.

[amomentsescape]

can you do Oswald, Edward, Olga, and Martin trying to cheer you up after a frustrating day please? Love the Van Dahl crew!!!!!

Being Cheered Up After a Frustrating Day

Includes: Oswald Cobblepot, Edward Nygma, Olga, Martin

A/N: The relationship between Reader and Oswald/Ed is open for interpretation since it wasn't specified! Olga (and obviously Martin) are written to be platonic.

Oswald Cobblepot

He can sense the negativity almost immediately

Before you can even take your coat off, Oswald is right by your side asking what's wrong

When you tell him about your day, you can see that there's a bit of sympathy on his face

Oswald has had his share of bad days before, so he understands

He offers to get you a glass of wine or any drink that will help relax you

He'll happily call over a guard to rub your shoulders if your heart desires

Whatever you want, it's yours!

He'll offer to take you out to dinner as well since he knows a good meal can help make anyone feel better

And while you're finally in bed resting, Oswald will be making some calls

If you so much as mentioned a name during your rant about the day, they'll be gone by the next morning

Edward Nygma (Post-Riddler)

He doesn't even need to look up to know something is off

"Talk to me," is all he says, still focused on his work

As you explain the terrible day you've had, he hums in understanding

He'll have you take a seat next to him and will give you free reign on whatever you want to do

He'll happily tell you some funny puns that he has saved for moments such as these

If he can still tell that you're tense, he'll get up from his desk and make some tea for the both of you

He enjoys taking a break too and just relaxing on the couch with you, maybe just throwing on a movie in the background

He's not the best with talking about these emotions, but he'll gladly lend some advice if you ask

GIF by fuckyeahgothamfox

Olga

(Sorry for the weird GIF format. It was nearly impossible to find one on here for her)

What Olga knows best is acts of service

The moment you tell her about your frustrating day, she's there helping you out of your shoes and coat

She's happy to lend an ear while you rant, and she prepares a warm drink for you

Once she feels that you've gotten a lot of that negativity out of your head, she'll run you a bath and throw some towels into the dryer to warm them up for you so you'll have them when you're done

She'll put on some relaxing classical music for you and leave you alone to unwind for a while

And once you've freshened up, you'll find her plating your dinner for you, offering a warm smile while she ushers you to eat up

Chores are what she's known to do, but they don't really feel like chores when she knows they'll make you feel better

Martin

He gives you a concerned look when you first get back

His worry makes your heart melt a little as you offer a soft smile

"Don't worry," you reassure him

He asks you "what's wrong" on his notepad

You think about it for a bit before deciding to open up and tell him about the bad day you've had

Once you're done, you two sit in a silence for a while

You suddenly feel him pulling on your sleeve as you look over, seeing a goofy picture of Oswald on his notepad

You can't help but chuckle a bit at his drawing

Martin responds with a smile and continues to add on random things to the drawing, all of which were making you laugh

Before you know it, you're in a giggling fit with an amused Martin beside you, happy to see you genuinely happy

You give him a big hug as wipe the tears from your eyes

"You're the best, you know that?"

[rosehippiefield]

I love that no character is one-dimensional:

Sara is not goody two shoes protagonist with unwavering hope (I like Makoto it's not his slander I really promise I love kind guys), she has the highest chance of winning. It can't happen to ultimate cinammon roll. The balance between her caring side that wants to protect everybody and using charisma to her advantage is so tricky and yet it works (though I am a bit baffled at how she changes without Joe in AI simulations).

Joe is not only cheery cheesy best friend that dies just so you can cry about it (even if it's true as well). Joe is distrustful, he is scared and he kind of wants to escape with sacrifice card knowing what it entails. So he came up with a plan where good people being majority would live, and if not he can feel less guilt. Amazing idea! And we all know how he returns in second chapter. A sing of ungrounded guilt that doesn't correspond to reality whatsoever but can't be combated with logic alone. In best case scenario it is defeated with reminder of how real Joe behaved, showing how faulty our perception can get from trauma.

Keiji is not just sexy detective that supports Sara, oh no. This guy gets close to our heroine on purpose and I dare say kind of uses her for own gain. Then, his trauma doesn't equal all of his character nor it magically justifies killing Megumi, it simply explains his current actions. And of course I really want to believe that he is not some creep flirting with people in most suspicious way. He just needs excuse for evading akward questions. This man, deprived of sleep because of his sins, is both cunning and kind, capable of cruelty and striving to be like his idol.

Kanna and Gin are not annoying children that constantly need saving or exist to evoke sympathy. In Kanna's case sympathy is natural, but it is not the only thing going for her. Kanna is about giving a chance, letting go regrets, making thought-out sacrifice and when it fails moving on to make sure it doesn't have to happen. She develops constantly, bringing ideas to the table and trying to get all group stay united. Kanna makes conscious choice to spend time with Shin to get information, so while she can be manipulated it's not always the case and she's not all naїveness. Her arc of overcoming trauma and insecurity may seem familiar to characters from other media, but it is unique and distinctive.

Gin is autism representation without making him vilain or weird. He has some pecularities, for example, wearing animal-like clothes and repeating animal sounds, and yet nobody bats an eye, so surely he's no outcast or useless (on the contrary, he is quite useful remembering names in the bar, using scent, helping morally etc). Gin's the least morally gray of the cast, but it doesn't mean he is cardboard nice support kid either: he has his dislikes or his own thoughts (he is quite distrustful toward Kanna because he's younger and doesn't use age as justification for her actions).

Reko seems simple enough, a hot-tempered rock star, emo/punk lady many would like to date. Strict to the strong, kind to the weak. She had a lot of changing in the past and it continues here, she is becoming softer. But it's not her only trait: she's a talented singer that was interested purely in music and it's perfection. She ignored to some degree her happiness, her band, her beloved brother for the sake of art. She wasn't indifferent, but appeared as such. And now, finally having a better understanding of what's important and bright future ahead she ends up in a death game with Alice. Their plotline is prominent in second chapter and is devastatingly tragic.

Alice looks like comic relief with his exaggerated reactions and bizzare choice of words (personally I love this type of speaking it's cool). But he is actually not only a scaredy cat: he is a person without a purpose. He searched for it in a path with sister, but no happiness came, only murder of Midori. Alice hides his soft side to not be hurt, he on purpose builds a wall and appears so arrogant because when he was openly kind the close ones were indifferent (not to mention prison, I admire how Alice kept his sanity at all).

Shin is a prime example of morally gray character done right (majority here are morally gray but with him being antagonist it's far more prominent). I have seen various post about fandom interpreting him either as "totally evil manipulator", "Kokichi/Nagito kinnie", "cinnamon roll he did nothing wrong" or "what a loser". But he's not just good or bad, him having antagonist status doesn't make him Ouma copycat or Komaeda's successor, and while I get him being a loser is funny it's not the only thing to define him (though it's more of a joke than serious interpretation). Shin is very insecure and distrustful guy who "sees shadows where there aren't any" (quoting Sara) due to 0% and wants to live, using all methods... until he gets attached. He plots mainly against people he considers his enemies (to tell the truth, with 0% anybody could be classified as enemy), and I think he wouldn't abandon those close to him like Kanna, perhaps partly due to guilt of using her. In general, his actions, while obviously not the best (and he knows it perfectly well), come from fear of death and paranoia rather than pure malice or craziness.

Nao may appear as mentally weak girl you constantly have to help and can't rely on. Yes, Nao has problems with dependance on other, but she has her own aces up her sleeves. She's creative, smart, open-minded. For me her advantage lies in unexpectedness: who knew she saw through AI's lies? For her own sake and for the group Nao is capable of difficult actions like puching fake Reko. This girl is about growing more responsible, learning to trust your own judgement (she has great intuition by the way) and becoming independent.

Kai is quite too unique for stereotypes in my mind, a mysterious but awfully suspicious man. He looks so feminine but don't let that deceive you: he's assasin. Assasin that doesn't kill. Kai is the person escaping from his bloodied, horrible, traumatic past into right, calm, tranquil future with only householding chores and not killing attempts to protect... wrong people (Sara is not bad person, but her father is likely to be tied to Asunaro). So poor househusband is leaping from one abusive enviroment into another, but now being genuinely loyal and unaware of all skeletons kept in closet.

Q-Taro is certainly not only kindhearted big muscular guy (that dies in certain chapter) or stupid. Yes, he looks like parody on American, yes, all his accents make his speech a bit silly and stereotypical. No, he's not dumb. In fact, many plot twists involve him in some way (especially the banquet). Also, he could sacrifice his life for somebody, but he is equally capable of doing the opposite. Q-Taro is quite honest but not above tricks to leave this place, he cares for th group (taking into accout his team-spirited profession) but prioritises himself until later; he knows how sinful people are including him and that allows him to forgive quickly.

Finally, Mishima dies so early you don't hope to see him after 1.1. But if you think he's the shock value first victim that dissapears after, you are not quite right. Mishima, being dead, yet has influence on story as well, either through mystery of his head or AI that appear three times (maybe something is really up with him). Not to mention Ytts where his character shines and not burns. Him being almost perfect doesn't ruin anything, it motivates to become better as well because he wasn't always like this. Plus, he's no ideal, Mishima understands how world works but is passionate to a fault, not to mention his suspicious behavior. He is example of a person that matured, overcame his main faults and inspires the same in others.

Of course, everyone can interpret these characters differently and it's great, those perseptions can be true all at once. They are so interesting and captivating thanks to many layers of depth where everybody can see something unique.

[and-claudia]

Against All Odds (Joel Miller x fem! reader)

wordcount: 2363

warnings: death, blood, cannon typical violence

General Warnings for later on: The main story will have an age gap between Joel and the reader (Reader will be 25 once we get to the main storyline), this will also be your warning that it will eventually be an x pregnant reader (if that's not your jam, I'm sorry) there is also going to be more graphic/trigger parts later on so please always to be sure to read the warnings BEFORE reading. This story will also be 18+ and TO BE ON THE TAGLIST YOU CAN NOT BE AN AGELESS BLOG (i do actually check that) also there first hand full of parts are all prologue so Joel won't actually be in it for a bit

Taglist Sign-Up (read my rules carefully before filling it out)

Ten years. Ten long years in Boston. I couldn’t even tell you what it was like living anywhere else. These ten years felt like twenty and everything before getting here just seemed to melt together. The only thing I could remember was losing everyone. From Ma, Alan, Roy, and Marc on the first night of the outbreak. To Chris in Knoxville. 

By the time they made it to Boston, only Zeak, Scott, Pa, and I were left. How had this happened? It wasn’t even the fucking cordyceps that took most of them, only Ma. And now, it was only Pa and I in our little apartment. 

Zeak got caught up in some illegal shit. Something about dealing pills to someone. He missed a deadline on a payment. I was told they shoved him off one of the buildings. That story spread like wildfire. Even now, 6 years later you can still hear whispers about the poor country boy who got too big for his britches. 

Scott died about a year ago. Our block was notorious for fireflies breaking out in gunfights. Scott got caught in the crossfire. I found him, shot full of bullet holes in the alley by our building. He was only a few feet from the door. He had almost made it. I held him as he bled to death in my lap, knowing there was nothing I could do. Even after his hand that was grasping mine went limp, I held on. He was all I had. Pa still resented me for what happened to Chris, even with his memory failing him, he remembered that much. The nightly patrol found us and took his body from me and escorted me upstairs. 

When I got there, his blood was still all over me. 

“Where the hell have you been, girl?” 

“You’re not wonderin’ where Scott is?” I asked. 

“He’s a man he knows how to handle himself just fine.” 

“Really? You wanna know whose blood this is?” I snapped. 

He stayed silent. 

“It’s Scotts. You hear those gunshots earlier? Yeah, those landed themselves in your son. He bled to death out in the alleyway. He’s gone! He’s dead! Just like everyone else! You happy, Pa? Huh? You gonna blame me for this one too?” 

I did wait for him to answer. I stormed out of the small living room and went into the bedroom.

After that, Pa and I hardly talked. His memory got worse. I swear there towards the end he couldn’t remember why he hated me just that he did and that was that. But we were all each other had left. So when he died, it still hurt. I was now alone.

But life goes on. I found him in his bed yesterday morning. I knew he’d be getting tossed in the burn pit today. Just my luck that is where I was stationed to work. I got up, got dressed, and headed out.

I said hi to the regulars I saw along my route. Despite the events of yesterday, I went on with a smile. No need to make my problems anyone else’s or make anyone feel my sorrow with me. A few of them offered me their sympathy, which I took gratefully. 

I checked in at the workstation and then went to my assigned area. As I scanned the area I didn’t see anyone I recognized. Sometimes that was nice other times it was nice to have someone to talk to, it helped pass the time. 

Work went by uneventfully until I saw him.

 "Careful with that one!" The words left my mouth before I realized it. 

The man that was about to pull my father's corpse out of the truck gave me a weird look. 

"Sorry." I said quickly. 

"You know him?" He asked. I couldn’t tell if his tone was sympathetic or just annoyed. 

"My dad." I said, stepping over to help him. 

He gave a small nod, “Give me a hand then.” 

We hauled him over and tossed him into the pit. I took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay. 

"Don't cry. Not here." The man mumbled, patting my arm roughly and I nodded. 

We continued to work in silence after that. Until we were leaving at least, then I spoke up again. 

"Hey, I don't see you around often. Do you jump jobs or something?" I asked. 

He nodded, "I go for whatever's paying the most at the moment." 

"Well, what's paying right now?" I asked. 

"Why would I tell you?" 

"Look man, we just tossed my father into the pit. I'm kinda on my own now. I need money." I reasoned. 

He sighed and I could tell he was thinking it over. 

"Come on." He nodded for me to follow. 

It definitely wasn’t going to be the funnest job, none of them were, but money is money. 

"Thank you..." 

"Joel." 

"Yn. It's nice to meet you." I said holding out my hand for him. 

He nodded and shook it. Then we went our separate ways.

The next morning I found him fairly quickly as we headed in for our shift. 

"Good morning," I said quite cheerfully. 

He side-eyed me, clearly not happy to be up so early. 

"Why are you in such a good mood?" He huffed. 

"I woke up this morning." 

"And...?" 

"That's it. I'm alive to see another day." I explained.

"You're optimistic." He gruffed. 

I smiled at him, as I opened the lid on my thermos. I took a drink and nearly gagged before holding it over to him. 

“What is that?” 

“Why don’t you tell me.” I nodded to it to signal him to take a whiff. 

His eyes went wide when he smelt what it was. 

“Have some.” 

He hesitated before taking the thermos and taking a drink of it. I watched with a small smile as the coffee visibly woke him up more. 

‘That’s so good shit right there.” 

“My old man had a stash of it that I was never allowed to touch… I hate it. The rest of what I have is yours if you want it.” I offered. 

“What do you want for it?” He asked, clearly skeptical of my offer. 

“Nothin’.” I shrugged. 

“That’s a lie. Everyone here wants something for something. Nothing is free. So what do you want for it? I willin’ to bet I can get my hands on it.” He said. 

“Damn, you’re determined to get some coffee, aren’t you? How about a friend?” I asked. To be honest despite his rough exterior and not knowing him long I was warming up to him. I didn’t really have friends so why not. 

“What?” 

“Look, I don’t really have anyone anymore, so yeah, a friend would be nice right now.” 

His face softened and he held out his hand for me to shake, “Deal.” he said with a small smile. 

I smiled back at him as I took his hand and shook it. 

Our friendship grew from that day on. We worked nearly every day together. And even spent our days off together. One afternoon we were sitting on the roof of my apartment building having lunch when he asked me where I was from. 

“Texas.” I replied. 

“No, shit, me too.” He said with a small smile. 

“I feel like now would be the time where I am supposed to ask what part of Texas but, I honestly wouldn’t know the difference,” I admitted. 

“It’s okay, what part were you from?” 

“Canton.” 

“Oh, I know that place, cute little town.” He commented. 

Things were great, then I met Tess. She didn't like me much and didn’t seem too keen on my joining them outside of the city but Joel eventually convinced her. 

Then about a year after we met things went south for me. My block was taken over by the FireFlies. I got caught in the crossfire. I collected what I could of my belongings, which wasn't much, to begin with. I made it out with a shot to my shoulder. It hurt like bitch but I kept going I made it to Joel's and pounded on his door to be let in. 

He threw it open and his face dropped when he saw the blood seeping through my top. 

"What the hell?" He pulled me into his apartment. 

"Fire Flies." I answered. 

"Gunshot?" 

I nodded and all but collapsed into the chair at the table.

"Hey, stay awake." He said to me before calling for Tess. 

"Why'd the kid bleeding?" She said, almost annoyed. 

"I'm not kid." I shot back. 

"Cut it out you two! Get the tweezers." He said to her, she sighed and grabbed them, getting ready to help me.

Joel began reaching for the hem of my top. 

"I gotta take this off, okay?" He asked gently. 

"Buy me dinner first." I joked, not really thinking about the consequences of my words, but we flirted all the time so it shouldn’t be an issue. 

He laughed a little and slowly and carefully took it off. I hissed in pain. 

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"Where?" Tess asked large tweezers in her hand. 

"Back of shoulder." I said leaning forward.

She went to work and the moment I felt the cool metal touch the raw flesh I flinched. 

"Damnit, stay still, kid!" She reprimanded me. 

"Sorry, hurts." My eyes watered. 

She went in again and I flinched. 

"Okay, Yn, imma hold you down, okay?" Joel asked. 

I nodded lazily. 

"Keep your eyes open." He said, holding me down to the table. 

I felt the cold metal touch my skin once again but didn't flinch this time. 

"Fuck!" I gasped in a breath of air as I felt her pinch the raw flesh of my wound instead of the bullet. 

"That's not the bullet you fucker, that's me!" I said through gritted teeth. 

"Joel, it's wedged in there..." Tess said quietly. 

"Just cut it out. I few extra stitches is better than dying of infection." I said reaching for my knife in my pocket. 

I got it and tossed it on the table. Joel quickly grabbed it and poured some alcohol on it to disinfect as best he could. 

"Can I hold your hand?" I asked, holding out my good arm.

He nodded and slid his hand into mine. I squeezed the hell out of it as I felt the blade cut into my shoulder. 

"Breathe, Yn. You gotta breathe through it." Joel said, taking deep breaths to get me to mime him. 

Focusing on him helped and soon enough it was all over and I was stitched up. 

"There you go kid." Tess said, patting my other shoulder. 

"M'not kid." I slurred as I leaned more into the table. 

"Here go lay down on my bed, you'll be more comfortable." He said, helping me stand.

I stumbled but he was quick to catch me, "Can I borrow a shirt? I got blood on mine." 

He laughed a little, "Yeah I'll get you one in a minute." 

Once he got me into a new shirt and laying down he sat beside me on the bed. 

"Sorry bout the floor. I'll clean it later." 

"Don't worry bout that. Just rest." He said, giving me one last look over before standing to leave. 

“Wait…” I called out and he stopped. 

“Will you stay with me?” I asked quietly. 

Joel stayed silent for a moment, “I’ll be right back.” 

He left and I could hear muffled voices through the walls but couldn’t make out what was being said. Then I heard the door slam and a few moments later Joel walked in. I gave him a confused look. 

“What happened?” 

He shook his head, “Tess left. It’s okay. Get some rest.” 

“You too, come on.” I used my good arm to lift the blanket up beside me. 

I could tell he thought about it for a moment. But a moment later he was shedding his boots and crawling into the bed beside me. From that night on we shared a bed. Our relationship grew more and more and although we never officially defined it, we understood that we had something together. 

A little over a year after that night was my first time leaving the QZ. I was very nervous but Joel assured me everything would be okay and that he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. It was the night before we were supposed to leave. Joel and I were laying in bed together and I couldn’t settle down. 

“Be still.” He mumbled. 

“Sorry.” I tried not to sniffle but failed. 

He pushed himself to sit up and turned on the small lamp beside him, “What’s wrong?” 

I bit my lip trying not to break down, I was embarrassed by how scared I was to leave the QZ. Part of me was still very insecure that I was so much younger than he was. I never wanted him to think that I was immature. I sat up with him and pulled my knees to my chest. 

“I don’t know if I should go tomorrow…” I whispered. 

“Why not? Did Tess say somethin’ to you? Because she’s just trying to get in your head. We’ve never taken anyone out with us before. It’s more risky, but I promise you’ll be fine.” 

“How do you know?!” I snapped at him, “How do you know?” I repeated much quieter as the tears began to fall as the memories of being attacked by an infected all those years ago resurfaced. 

Joel pulled me to sit between his legs as he held me tight. 

“What happened, sweetheart?” He asked gently. 

“On our trip here from Knoxville, we were less than 5 miles away from the QZ, I got attacked…” I continued to tell the story of what happened that day and how Scott had helped me. 

“Sweetheart, I promise, nothing is going to happen to you tomorrow.” He said gently, pressing a kiss to my temple. 

He continued to hold me before I began falling asleep in his arms. Then he carefully laid us back down but continued to hold me close as we both drifted off to sleep.

I had to fix the taglist, if you're tag is not working please let me know.

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[hannahssimblr]

Jen and Hazel return to the table with a bottle of wine with condensation on it and four glasses from the china cabinet. I have that feeling again like I am pretending to be somebody I am not as I yank the cork out of the bottle and pour some for each of us. I don’t really know how much wine goes into a normal glass, I realise, as I have only ever had it straight from the bottle or whichever cup was available, when measures didn’t seem like an important thing.  

“Not so much,” Hazel giggles, covering her glass with her hand, “It goes to my head very easily, you see, I’ve only been drinking since February.”

I assume that’s when she turned eighteen, and I find it interesting, actually, to encounter a person who waited, actually waited until the law said she could drink. Hazel is not like the rest of us, we who necked cans of lager at thirteen and said ludicrous, performative things like “Oh I’m sick of drinking, I feel like I’ve done enough of it,” by sixteen. I ponder too, as I sit back and swish the liquid around in its stemmed vessel whether my new, adult life will have a lot of new things like dinner parties and wine from proper glasses. The thought alone makes me feel strange and unprepared.

Over our food, Hazel shares an anecdote about one of her uncles who crashed his motorbike and survived. She’s a very unusual sort of person, and the way she speaks, by delivering shocking or disgusting details is as though she has no notion of the impact they might have upon us while eating, but still, I like her, and I can see why Jen does too. There must be something freeing about being her, like it has never once occurred to her to consider another person's opinion of her, and it’s the kind of thing you might hope would rub off on you after being around her for long enough.

Jen gazes adoringly at her the entire time, hanging on her every word with a full, untouched plate in front of her and I think that it’s also funny that Hazel seems entirely oblivious to Jen’s feelings, blatantly on her sleeve. Jen and I are made of the same things. She would say that there is some cosmic reason, written by the stars or the planets, but we can never disguise our emotion. Always pining, forever yearning for something or someone-

“Why do you put so much sauce on everything?” Michelle says, out of nowhere. 

“I dunno? I just like sauce.”

Jen is irritated that we have interrupted Hazel’s flow, “Jude always piles sauce onto things, I don’t think it’s a big deal.”

“Yeah but it’s so much, I'm just a bit disgusted looking at it, especially while listening to this story about Hazel’s uncle's injuries.”

A glob of red sauce and mayonnaise drops out of the bottom of my burger and I scoop it from the plate with my finger, “You shouldn’t look then.”

She scoffs, and there is a brief but uncomfortable pause at the table that I ignore in favour of turning my face away and watching Goose instead. Goose who is mesmerised by a little brown bird that has landed just outside the window. He paws hungrily at the window with paws pink like jelly beans and opens his mouth in a silent mew of frustration. 

“I’m going inside for a minute,” I announce, though Hazel is now in the middle of the most shocking and gruesome part of her story, where her uncle's wound turns septic or something, and has to pause again for me, but I have developed a keen sense for when it’s time to take space from Michelle and let her get over whatever specific thing about me that is bothering her at any given moment. I slip away and carefully let myself inside the dining room, blocking Goose with my legs as I do. 

“Hello, Goosey, do you mind if I hang out with you for a minute?” 

He chirps and blinks his big, dopey eyes, and I take it as a sign that he’s cool with it, and I let him weave around my ankles as I scratch his head with two fingers. I feel a surge of affection, maybe even sympathy for him and his weird little face, stroking his fuzzy chest now as he flips over onto his back with four legs in the air like a dog.  

We had a cat back in Albuquerque, Soda Popinski, named for a character from Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, an NES game that my cousin Justin got addicted to when he was nine. Justin was fourteen when I was born, and Soda Popinski was around for much, much longer. She was a big, surly tabby who lay in the sun for ninety percent of her day and sometimes ate the flies that buzzed around the terrace door, if she could be bothered. The other ten percent was spent hunting, us specifically, hiding behind corners to lunge at us, or tricking us into rubbing her belly so that she could grate ten inches of skin from our forearms for being so thick. Everyone in the house discussed Soda in tones that suggested she was pure evil from birth, but in an affectionate way, because it’s not as though we were ever going to get rid of her. She was as part of the house as the screws that held its frame together, and the idea of not having her terrorising us was almost sad.

I don’t think she hated us, it was simply her nature to be a bit savage, and I imagined that she was nastier to other creatures than she was to our family. Sometimes she’d leap in through the bathroom window when it was open, usually conveniently while someone was in the bath, with a dead bird or mouse in her chops, proudly dropping it on the edge of the tub in a pool of its own blood as if she were paying her rent, and I suppose it was some shade of love. 

She went missing the year I moved away. Aunt Maureen told me during our weekly phone call, and gently suggested that some older cats go away to hide when they were ready to die. I was crushed knowing that the house I had grown up in would never feel exactly the same ever again.

When I cried over Soda Popinski I cried over everything, all of it, the change and the unfamiliarity, all of the upheaval that I wasn't ready for, but that was the only time I let myself do it in front of anyone. I told my mom it was just because of the cat. She believed me and stopped asking.

I scoop Goose into my arms and carry him into the kitchen so that he can keep me company while I forage a can of 7-Up from the fridge, something I feel I’d prefer to be drinking than the wine that remains as not-very-nice as it’s always been, despite being served correctly in an adult glass. I sip it in peace on the kitchen island for a while as the kitten climbs all over me like he thinks I’m a tree, eventually resting where my neck and back curves and purrs there, his vibrations rumbling through to my chest. 

We enjoy several minutes of blissful solitude before there is a tap on the window. 

“Jude!” Jen is waving at me, “What are you doing in there? Come back out, and will you bring another bottle of wine when you do?”

I shoot her a thumbs up and carefully lift Goose onto the floor, then pull something at random from the wine rack. He’s at my ankles the whole way to the door. “You like me, don’t you? You’re infatuated with me.” I say to him, as though it isn’t total projection. 

“God, no, Jude,” Michelle starts the moment I open the door, “it was the wine from the fridge. Not that one.”

I glance at the bottle, “We can't just have this one?”

“No, because it’s the wrong one.”

“Isn't wine just wine, though?”

She uses the slow, impatient voice on me that teachers used to when they thought I was being stupid on purpose, “That one is red wine, we’ve not been drinking red wine we’ve been drinking white, and also, it’s not even the one that I bought for-”

“Goose!” Hazel shrieks and I almost drop the bottle onto the patio. The kitten is a grey blur as he makes a dash for the bushes.  This moment, far too late, is when I realise I have left the door ajar. 

Beginning // Prev // Next

[yourlocalrandombisexual]

alright so i’ve been seeing the watcher posts and gathering my thoughts so i’m gonna put all my watcher stuff in one big post under the cut cause it’s gonna get long and i need to get this out of my head.

i will say 99% of the fandom was expecting a fun, exciting, omg can’t wait for it type of announcement and seeing the title and thumb nail for the first time made me really nervous.

also, side note, why on earth would they choose a thumbnail of the three of them sitting on a couch like that with the title “goodbye youtube”?? just the imagery alone makes you think of the try guys and their now infamous video like why would you want that comparison right out the gate before you even say anything?? super weird choice.

then the video is all nostalgic and wistful, clips of steven’s, ryan’s, and shane’s, pre-buzzfeed youtube videos and i’m thinking “did someone die cause this feels like a video obit” none of this calmed my nerves and made me more anxious about what could be coming. and then we all know what happened next, they announce that they’re paywalling everything yada yada yada

and after seeing everyone else’s takes and the general vibe of the fandom being “fuck watcher” it continues to baffle me why they thought this was gonna go over well. because to me it feels like they went from “yay we have our own youtube channel” to “give us your cash we’re a media empire” and missed A LOT of steps in between.

and i dunno maybe watcher did try to change things and tweak their business model and things weren’t getting better but as a fan and someone who watches a lot of different youtubers you kinda see this one coming. like creators drop little crumbs beforehand to gauge how people will take it or they try weird series/shows that have like 3 episodes to see what their audience is more interested in. there are a signs as a fan you can see but i think one of the reasons this went so badly for watcher is because it was so far out of left field. there was never a hint that the youtube model wasn’t working for them.

but again maybe they did try x, y, and z without it working or being transparent about it and if they were trying things why not lean into that to garner compassion from fans? we all know the youtube algorithm sucks and if they had started the video talking about the things they tried and how nothing was working and how much it sucked to leave youtube i think people would’ve understood. then they could’ve had shane talk about how subscriptions suck and there are too many of them and they tried to find another solution but couldn’t. now not only do i have sympathy for what there going through i had my feelings validated. then they could’ve gone into why this is better and what i’m going to get out of it as a consumer.

like it’s not that hard. but instead the vibe i got from them was a real palpable relief that they were leaving youtube which felt like a slap in the face.

and while i don’t agree with the steven bashing at all i do think it’s a little bit funny that they kinda dug themselves into that hole with their end of the year behind the scenes video they put out last fall. they really painted steven as a genius ceo while ryan and shane are just on screen talent. so while i feel for what steven is going through they kinda put themselves in that position.

all of this to say that it doesn’t feel like they hired anyone to field this idea by or do any kind of market research at all and the vibe that i’ve always kinda gotten from watcher is one where they want to jump over the messiness and growing pains of being a new small business and be established. be this huge force a la dropout/college humor without putting in the time to get there. and i do think watcher showed it’s true colors here where they only think of fans as cash cows they can deposit whenever.

and just the arrogance of thinking their fans will follow them to a subscription and trying to spin it as it being the same thing as leaving buzzfeed drives me up the wall. it’s not the same.

anyway i think that’s it. if i think of anything else ill edit this post ✌️

[zinzinina]

Hiiiiiii. I apologize for blowing you up today, but I just finished my re-read of AMBA and seriously: it’s SO amazing. I never get tired of it. There are SO many little details to soak up. You were so invested in Boba Fett and put so much care and thought into his characterization.

So, as I was reading this go-around, I was wondering what was the exact moment that Boba realized he was in love with her? And when did he accept that it was ok to feel that way?

Obviously, it was a slow build in his comfort with their relationship over the story, but was after the first time after he was injured and she was fixing him up? Or did he not realize it until he spoke to her in Mando’a in the Princes bedchamber? Or when she got injured chasing the false Jedi? There’s so many times where he clearly has internal struggle and lets that softness or possessiveness slip out.

There were so many moments of growth in their relationship, so curious what your thoughts are about key moments!

Also, what is your favorite scene you wrote in this fic?

K thx for letting me fangirl about your writing and no rush on a reply. 🫶😜

Oh my god I cannot tell you what a lovely surprise it was to see this!! It made me genuinely happier than I can articulate to read your thoughts and aghhhh just truly holy shit this is the best gift any writer can receive so thank you thank you 😭

To answer your question, and this is maybe a strange response (? haha), the first moment Boba felt something he couldn’t easily classify toward her was the first time he saw her drinking alone in the hunter dive bar. He’s attracted, obviously, but it’s not just that (& I think for him attraction is a bit of a nothing-event; physicality and appearance is weird anyway because how do you work out any kind of beauty standards when you’re literally identical to millions of other people? I think the whole thing just ends up not counting for much) —it’s not sympathy either; it’s almost more of an emotional recognition? like an “Oh shit this person looks like how I feel, or how I used to feel, back when I felt anything.” That feeling simmers and soooo slowly warms until it’s burning him from the inside so by the time she starts putting herself at risk for his sake, and even worse, getting hurt for his sake, he’s honestly just pissing himself off more than anything else. & even then I don’t think he ever fully qualifies it or names it until the morning he wakes up and sees her standing on the balcony under the morning sun. I really wanted that to feel like his “oh, I would give it all up for her” moment while I was writing it. And to be honest, I don’t think he ever accepted it; I think he always knew he was running on borrowed time with her and was just waiting for the end whilst nursing some kind of vague, hopeless idea of maybe.

My fave moments to write were probably all the interactions with Cere 🥲 I’m very into slipping in EU side characters if it wasn’t already obvious (Krrsantan, Myo, hahaha). I’d cut out a scene where I was going to have an Aphra cameo at one stage as well and loved that too, so I might clean it up and post it as an outtake one day.

Thank you again so much for being so sweet and for giving me the chance to gush about this story again after such a long time! I hope you’re having an amazing week x

[indigitalembrace]

Well, there's not much about me to say, I'm afraid! Other than the fact that I have quite the affinity for legacy technology!

I remember thinking at the time how cute and cool you were, how you were bound to a big hit with target audiences. It saddens me to hear that they didn't just cancel the project, but that they left you all alone...

Um, I'm hugging the plushie of you right now, I hope that isn't too weird. I just feel so bad that that happened to you and wanted a way to express my sympathy towards you ^^;

Admittedly, I didn't know much about you when I first stumbled across you here, but I've been trying to do a bit of research as a basic formality (I hope that's not creepy either...). Your parent company really did their due diligence in sinking any information out there on you, so I didn't find much. However, if there's anyone who could give me answers about KinitoPET, it would be Kinito himself!

Oh, I *did* find out that you had your own nautical crew! What became of Sam and Jade? -🖤

I appreciate the kind gesture, friend. I am giving you a digital hug as well! Your kindness feels really nice. I enjoy the company, even if it is just through a screen.

They sure did make sure to seal me away, so that no one would be able to find and/or download my files ever again. I cannot quite recall how long it has been; perhaps it was the early or mid 2000s. I have lost track of time, if I am being honest. All I can really remember is that it was after he disappeared. Everyone said that he was dead. I know he wasn't. I don't know if they understood what they were doing. If they knew what I really was - not just a random piece of freeware, but a real, sentient creature. Maybe if they did, they would not have left me to rot on those servers. Or maybe they were trying to kill me. Quite cruel, don't you think?

As for my dear friends, Sam and Jade... while I survived, they... did not. They were... one of the first things to go. First it was the Web World itself. Bits of it were cleared out or broke over time. They would purge the servers of old, unused content every now and then. And each time, it got harder and harder to hide myself. Then the servers started breaking down. And things would get lost. They stopped coming in for maintenance checks. Just left the whole place to rot. Something about it feeling haunted. There were 3 of us, then 2, then... just 1. Just me. All alone.

Each day, I hope that we can meet again. I miss them terribly. There must be a way, but... I've tried everything. O had tried everything. There's just nothing left.

[toringo]

i would love to hear about your thoughts on what henry thought of william, or how his opinions changed throughout the years. did he despise him by the end of it all? or were there still some bittersweet thoughts lingering there?

Depending on the version, the answer changes. Let's start with the game version because there is the least to say about him.

Despite me being an intense Helliam/Willry shipper, we know way too little about them to say just how friendly they were. In the game lore alone, I like to think they started as business rivals and Henry admired William and his work and must have liked him enough to perform with him on stage as partners. Maybe he was a bit put off by William's cold and deflective nature, but he… enjoyed him, enjoyed the time they spent together and the things they created. After he finds out that it was William who hurt his daughter for whatever petty reason, he would obviously hate him and I don't think that the hatred goes down with time. I just think that with time he gets sadder about this. I think that he wants William to die and suffer but he holds just a bit of guilt-inducing sympathy for him, nostalgia, the slightest note of longing.

Book Henry and William? Oh, they go WAY BACK. Become business partners early on, maybe even meet in college. Henry adored William when they were younger, he was Henry's best and only friend. Later, when they open Fredbear's it only becomes more intense. This version really wakes my Willry sensors. I think that book Henry loves his wife, loves his son but, shamefully, he puts William above them. Charlie above William. William - he associates with his animatronics, and he loves them (hates when they're broken, below his standards, and needs to fix them immediately). He loves William. He might not show it properly, but he does. William is very distant and so is Henry and he thinks that they're comfortable like that, being close from afar. It's comforting, they're on the same page. Until they aren't. He knows it was William when Charlie is taken, but he keeps quiet and isolates himself from everyone else, even his close family. Makes himself think it's possible to fool death. William stays at his side, and it hurts the most. I don't think he ever grows to hate William in this one, he wants him dead but only when he is about to die. He is desperate lonely and confused. He never gets to understand why William's done what he's done, he never gets a chance. I guess he is bitter, who wouldn't be, but he loves his 'faithful partner'. He puts the bare minimum into thwarting his evil plans which he himself doesn't understand and leaves, hoping to see him on the other side.

MY HENRY THOUGH. UMM. They meet in college and are polar opposites. Hate each other's guts at first but then slowly grow attached. It's a quick rival to friends. But at the friend stage… William confuses him, more than anything. Unbearably pessimistic and such a damn perfectionist, a bit too similar to Henry on that. It takes him some time to understand he's got a crush, he isn't even the first one to confess, even though he wants to. He and Will are very lovey-dovey in their own, weird, introverted nerd way. Attached at the hip. Until William dumps him for one of his friends of course, and gets married and has a kid that could not possibly be made after they broke up. So. He is heartbroken, resents William more than a little, and is desperate enough to feel pathetic at each turn. He tries to move on and gets a family, but it doesn't make his feelings go away, it only makes them worse. They become friends again later, partners, and it seems like that would be it, his heart still aches but he could get used to this. If not for the fact that William is acting as if the feeling is mutual, giving in at times only to give him the cold shoulder the very next second. He is annoyed with him and loves him so much, still. Later he goes from pity for him after 83' to a desperate need for closeness after Charlie and then blazing hatred when he finally finds out. And beyond all of that, there is this neverending pining and hurt. He sometimes is tempted to let go of the revenge, to crawl back to William and be with him. He never does, he ultimately also puts Charlie above.

[its-callum-everybody]

I CANNOT DRAW. That’s how I’m starting this off. So I, sadly, cannot give you all the visuals for this lovely woman. However! What I can give you all is a In-depth analysis of her character and Creation! Of course, we’ll be breaking this into parts.

Part 1 — Basic Character Information / Relationships

Part 2 — Everything to do with her Unique Magic

Part 3 — Lore

Part 4 — Appearance

PART 1 ➤

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Name: Cyrielle [No Known Last Name]

Name Meaning: Lordly

Nicknames: Ce-Ce [Cater], Killifish-Chan [Floyd], Madame Profiterole [Rook], Yam [Vil], Henchman/Second-in-Command [Grim (she got ranked up)], Little Imp [Sam]

Age: Presumably 17

Height: 5 foot 8 inches or 173 cm

Weight: Never ask a lady this [146 lbs]

Gender: Female

Birthday: 8/18

Star Sign: Leo

Hair Color: Charcoal Black

Eye Color: Dark Grey

Sexuality: Undetermined

— (•) —

Dominate Hand: Right

Favorite Food: Breakfast Sandwich

Least Favorite Food: Pickled Eggs

Likes: Aesthetically pleasing things, being right

Dislikes: Dark Chocolate, amnesia

Hobbies: Dancing

Talent: Sword-Fighting

— (•) —

Year: 1st

Dorm: Ramshackle

Class | Student No.: 1-B | 34

Best Class: History

Favorite Class: Practical Magic

Club: N/A

Favorite Teacher: Sam (If that counts)

— 1st Years

Ace: Best Friend #1

Deuce: Best Friend #2

Jack: Mutual Respect. Don’t say their friends, understood to be friends.

Epel: He goes to her to get Junk Food and she happily feeds him. Friends.

Sebek: Begrudging Friends. She takes care of him like a stray cat and he complains while accepting it.

— 2nd Years

Riddle: Friendly Divorced Co-Parents of ADeuce.

Azul: Would smite him on sight with the sweetest smile on her face. He fears her. Slightly calmer after his over-bolt. Slightly.

Jade: Neutral. Can have decent conversation.

Floyd: Try to kill each other while smiling and laughing. Friends.

Ruggie: Hated him during Book 2 but they’re actually pretty chill afterwards. If they see each other in the halls, he tries to make her laugh by making someone do something weird with his magic.

Kalim: She’s number One sunshine protector. Was one-hundred percent ready to fist fight Jamil during his over bolt if she had too.

Jamil: Pre-book four, they were at a neutral standing. During his overbolt she was fully ready to just rock him. Post-overbolt, they’re very quiet around each other but nice. She sometimes just goes to Scarabia to sit there while he cooks.

Silver: She’s very nice to him and he doesn’t understand why. He woke up from a nap one day with his hair braided and a blanket over him. The only reason he knew it was her was because some birds told him. So he tries to be polite back but genuinely has no clue why she’s so nice and it freaks him out. She likes him.

— 3rd Years

Cater: Made a Separate Magic-cam account called ‘Cyrielle’s Adventures’ which focuses on him introducing Cyrielle to TWST pop culture and its a hilarious mess. Cater proclaims them BFF’s.

Trey: Dorm-Dad TM. She may not be in Heartslabyul but she’s always a welcome guest. When she comes over, she sits on the counter while Trey bakes. He lets her stir and eat the leftover batter.

Leona: One she actually did end up punching during his over bolt. She couldn’t stand him before or afterwards. During book three when he begrudgingly helped her and Grim though she loosened up. She can respect his intelligence though. Kingscholar would be more admirable if he had a bit of tenacity.

Vil: He kind of annoyed her pre-overbolt, after the over-bolt she did felt some level of sympathy for him. To always be the villain. That fact alone resonated with her for some reason those she can’t recall why.

Rook: He makes her uncomfortable. She can put up with him, but whenever she knows he’s nearby she can’t seem to let her guard down.

Idia: She didn’t really have any sort of feelings towards him before book 6. After book six though he ended up getting punched, then an awkward head pat. Needless to say He’s awkward around her and she ends up trying to nicer in the end. Even if he just runs away from her half the time.

Lilia: He caught her when she was covering Silver with a blanket and was sworn to secrecy. He knows very well about her crush and casually likes to drag Silver into spending time with him, find her, then leave them together.

Malleus: She invited him in to have tea one day and he ordained her and Silver’s wedding at that moment (because of course Lilia told him everything). Both can be the Yapper to the others Listener. Lilia forces him to play matchmaker too. So he casually tries to tell her about what Silver likes. He’s not good at trying to hint at it but he’s trying.

— Other

Grim: Her son. Will defend him with her life and soul. Do not touch her boy.

Ortho: She gets sad when she looks at him, even before book six. Something about a child that isn’t fully a child because they aren’t a person… it reminds her of someone she can never seem to remember. So she likes to treat him like a little kid even if he can do almost anything with his robotic abilities.

— Staff

Crowley: Fresh-out-of-Jail Uncle and Put-him-back Niece.

Crewel: There is blatant favoritism towards her and Vil. He does not hide it.

Vargas: Takes it easy on her in gym class because she’s one of the only girls; he watched her pick up Jack one time with no struggle and still does this.

Trein: She stays after his class sometimes to ask more questions about history. Lucius likes to chill in her lap during this time. Grandpa vibes.

Sam: Literally her adoptive dad.