#feeling wanted goes crazy
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okay but, now that we canonically have buck moving into eddie’s house while he’s away, i can indulge in my own delusions a little bit. particularly, i really want there to be a parallel to that ana “i think we need to clean that kitchen first” “maybe you should go home first first” breakup scene when eddie and chris come back.
i’m thinking, buck welcomes eddie and chris with a big elaborate lunch/dinner when they return, at the end of which he’s like “so, I’ve already packed most of my bags and i’m all set to spend some time at bobby’s until i find a new place to leave, so i’m just gonna clean the kitchen and then i’m gonna leave and let you guys settle back in”
to which eddie (who has freshly realized he’s gay and in love with buck back in el paso) responds with “or you could stay here”
#I WOULD GO SO CRAZY OVER THIS#and then buck goes in the kitchen rambling as he starts putting everything away#because he doesn’t want to say yes to staying even though it’s everything he wants#but saying yes would mean having to confront his feelings for his straight best friend and he can’t have that#and eddie’s like ‘buck. stop. we should talk.’#and admits he realized in el paso how much buck was missing from his and chris’ life#and there’s the inevitable ‘buck. i love you’#and buck’s like ‘yeah yeah. love you too man’#to which eddie comes closer into his space like. ‘no. i. love. you.’#and then they kiss in the kitchen aaaaaa#buddie#911 buddie#911 spoilers#911 abc#eddie diaz#evan buck buckely#buddie spec#buddie speculation
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Me: yeah, I dunno. I started hormones a couple years ago and I like being on them but I still don’t really like my perception of myself or my gender and it’s really hurting me because I was hoping I’d like myself more than I do. I just don’t like either option but I don’t really like nonbinary either so I’m just really confused and unhappy with my identity :(
My therapist (who happens to be the first one I’ve had who is also trans): well, when you imagine yourself, ignoring labels and ignoring any realism, how do you picture yourself? What’s your idealized version of yourself?
Me, thinking of how I puppy regress and have ‘no gender just puppy’ as my bio on twt: uhhh idk a dog I guess
My therapist: then be a dog
Me: huh… interesting very interesting
#my post#she literally brought up therians too and has a friend that’s a wolf which is pretty neat#and I’m just like woah#I loved my first therapist but he was a cishet man and I felt like I was too weird for him#like I once said I wanted to buy dog ears and he was like ‘… okay’#maybe trans therapists are the way to go damn#I also said something similar to wrench from watch dogs bc he’s SO goddamn gender it’s crazy#robotic puppy perhaps#anyways my homework this week is to make a list of things that make me feel euphoric#we’ll see how that goes#gender struggles#therian#pet regression
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Curtwen Week Day 7: First Meeting/Last Words
#I’m going to need all of you to ignore the fact that this is a day late#no its not#idk feeling just ok about this one#I haven’t drawn them in these outfits since my very first SAF drawing isn’t that crazy#the improvement goes kinda crazy if you compare em#I do not recommend scrolling down though#I mean do what you want#but also- don’t#idk#anyways#how was your day#mine was pretty decent#I need to work on my first hfff drawing now#but this was fun#I’m hitting burnout away with a stick right now#fun fact: roller coasters were invented to distract people from sin#whoa#yall im running out of facts i need better sources#curtwen week#curtwen week 2024#spies are forever#curt mega#agent curt mega#owen carvour#Joey Richter#tin can brothers#tin can bros#my art#cw guns
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They call me the fucking drawer. The redrawer. of my own draws. Ogs are both from 2019 ^_^

#ignore me aphmau postingim not cringe guys please. its just what i drew for like 2 years straight when i first started drawing#My improvement goes kind of crazy. Id be surprised if i DIDNT get better in 6 years tbf BUT STILL.#tried a new thang with the halftones in the first one i kind of like it#also put in a LOT more detail than i normally do/did. trying to do that more#ANYWAYS#doodles#art#fanart#my art#for both of them i rlly wanted to capture more emotion i feel like in my old art i really struggled to express anything#bcuz id spend so many hours refining that i eventually lost the fluidity of the og sketch. if that makes sense#so they feel very stiff and dont show any kind of personality#especially with the first one i wanted to show more abt how i think abt the character and not just. showing off her outfit or whatever#Overall very happy with how these 2 turned out. i might take my art tablet back with me to my dorm but idk if ill ever have time#and it mioght become a distraction WHATEVER I STILL HAVE LIKE 4 DAYS
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i get such a sense of primal envy when looking at edwin’s clothes up close because god you can just tell his coat is real wool and made to last and not cheap flimsy mass produced garbage and auggagghhhh that was just STANDARD in his time. by no means am i saying i was #borninthewronggeneration because i like having vaccines and household appliances but. man. to have a personally-tailored coat like that that’d last for years and years……. and fabrics of fine thread-dense quality………. if only
#edwin would be so disgusted by shein products can you fucking imagine#i mean he’d be disgusted by most mass produced brand/off-brand clothing but fast fashion shit like that would be the Worst#thank god for the fact that I don’t think anyone in the group would wear that kinda shit. for wildly different reasons#crystal wouldn’t because why the fuck would she. she can afford the most expensive high quality shit on the market. and even if she goes#thrifting you can just tell if something looks/feels like cheap garbage she’d not even touch it#niko’s a fashion icon and constantly changing her outfits BUT she seems like the type who loves repurposing old clothing/re-arranging things#in her wardrobe and making different combinations rather than buying new clothes all the time and wasting perfectly good clothing#plus she wasn’t raised in America and likely did not get normalized to fast fashion#charles doesn’t because. well#you know.#ghost. and whatnot#even so I doubt his parents bought him clothes that often so he’d have to either save up the money to buy stuff he wants (probably thrifted)#or repurpose old clothes in various ways. his coat absolutely looks high quality and I bet he saved up like crazy for it#rambling#edwin#dead boy detectives#edwin payne
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anyway. question for mischief fans. if i made a sideblog specifically as an archival system and information point on cornley lore. would you guys be into that.
#might not be up and running immediately because life’s crazy rn#but idk. the deletion of all of the tptgw aus 2017 insta stuff has me shaken#and i feel like it would be nice to have#and then ppl can submit new lore that’s dropped during performances or specific casts and stuff#like i think that would be awesome.#however. i fear that i am my own audience sometimes when it comes to cornley lore#so just wanted to gauge interest before i committed to it#with the amount of docs i have i’m already halfway there. would just need to put it into action.#anyway. let me know.#mischief comedy#mischief theatre#cornley drama society#cornley polytechnic drama society#the goes wrong show#the goes wrong universe
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Kaneki Goes On A Trip Part 7 - Kaneki at the gift shop! He buys a macaque plush and a new sweater with a mountain pattern!
#kaneki ken#tokyo ghoul#ken kaneki#my art#kaneki adventure#almost finished with this series!#it’ll be a bit before the next Kaneki Adventure series but rn I’m considering a beach theme for the next one#if I stop having the passion for it though I’ll do a poll and we can vote for where he goes next :)#btw how much are we feeling a closing portrait for this#there’s still 2 pages but if y’all are invested I’ll do a larger picture of him in winter clothes as a finale for this series#I kinda wanna do something else already though#I might send him to a flower forest at some point but that would be shorter more like a mini series#idk when I go back to school I don’t think there will be more series pictures I wanna be a better student this year#and try to not prioritise art over school#that actually happened bc I considered Kaneki more important than anything else#I think he would want me to put school before him though#he was a scholarly boy as well#I JUST NEED TO NOT BE INSANE THIS YEAR#NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS DONT GO CRAZY
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in which his life is like a video game
#persona 5#joker p5#morgana p5#akira kurusu#ren amamiya#my art#p5 spoilers#<- i mean. i dont like. say anything outright but like. i feel like i say *enough* in this one. lol#this ones actually pretty old i was just bored and wanted to draw but didnt want to draw enough to do anything serious so i finished it#i almost scrapped it because well it was hard to wrangle and had a minor tone problem but well. they cant all be winners <3#not my best work but i think the concept is. um. kind of really funny. lol#morgana: shit maybe it'll help him a little to play a game. get his mind off recent events. (it does not do this)#i still think this game is the funniest addition to royal. like they went out of their way to add this akechi themed video game in royal#im gonna be real with you. i think the gray pigeon theory thing is kind of silly. but goro akechi featherman parallels r so real. real shit#have you guys seen proof of justice. wasnt that crazy. that was crazy.#anyway. i want a love so strong it'll bring me back from the dead! or however that featherman episode goes. seeya#comics
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agh!!!!
#i always get so picky about detail right before I launch a project to the public#knowing DAMMMMMN well I will be really carefree about details later on#thats how it always goes for me#gotta make sure the initial impression is exactly how i want it#then i just let that carry me forever lol#and it usually works out just fine. but i still drive myself crazy before the first hours#feeling weird about it not being in a lineless style but i think it's for the best#because it takes so much longer when it's lineless#trying to learn to be less highstrung about perfecting my art and just letting it look how it ends up#you'll all get it. it'll be fine#morning rant sorry. probably obvious but im working on something to launch here soon. maybe today even#if i don't have anything else to do today + i can satisfy my picky mind in time
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Thinking about this

#yes yes yes#EXACTLY#when they’re childhood friends but they feel a certain sense of Ownership over each other…..#and they can’t handle watching them being in other romantic relationships#but they won’t act on their feelings because their relationship is so precarious#and they don’t want to risk losing the closeness they have#the ANGST#the YEARNING#the JEALOUSYYYYUU#oh it goes crazy every time#f2l >>>>>#I need to write this but for whomst#hmmmmm
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♡ jaide, it's me! ♡
finally did that meme that was going around awhile back <3 i had to draw all of his cool costumes at some point and this was the perfect theme to do this hehehehe <3
source of their outfits + original image under the cut c:
credits to @/cafekitsune for dividers
#O9DUFUSUUDHDHSUDD I FEEL SO HEALED . SO REVITALIZED. SO POWERFUL#IM SOOOO STRONGGGGG (is having the shoulder aches since last night. drawing grind goes crazy bro)#WKWKWLLSSKKS WHATEVER RAGAHSHAHA guys lookie i worked very hard on this 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💚💚💚💚💚💚💚#its so PINK!!!!#i went my way to use a different brush and pen for the lineart which is why i struggled A BIT here#i wanted it to be super clean since this was gonna be a big piece#and i wanted to preserve that sticker like/comic book styled presentation more effectively sooo hehe#shojo manga moment real. stevaide shojo real#~ art#♥ memoryshipping#💚 memoryshipping#selfship#selfshipping#pokemon selfship#safeshipping#selfship community#ocxcanon#dude i woke up very early today to go to school but they postponed the rehearsal to 1pm so i stood there like “huh” with wet hair#since i couldnt sleep with wet hair. i went straight to finishjing this hehehehe. well im going to nap a little more now...#ive been itching to finish this im so happy how this turned out fdngkgkdngkdn win for me today <3
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for the life of me i cannot figure out why people are so desperate to apply a version of dean's facade to sam
#like... as someone with autism‚ wrt autism masks‚ they aren't black and white between what's presented vs what we feel...#not even dean's facade works like that. where is idea that what sam expressed isn't what he feels coming from?#like we get canonical evidence or exploration for what he feels in his actions very often in canon so??#and his emotional compartmentalising is very often presented in situations that are different from‚ say‚ his code switching#why are you so desperate to erase his canonical character exploration? like having headcanons in which what he feels and expresses#or what his actions are aren't what he feels at all kind of renders everything about him useless?#do you just have this hc to have the room to make stuff up about him? or what#the 'when the “loveable rogue” act Dean played didn't work out' line is crazy#because it's made me realise that this headcanon isn't about sam at all in a way that i cannot quite put my finger on#anyway the ways in which sam goes about attempting to be normal are explored in canon...#it isn't in terms of 'trying to mimic human behaviour' (please dissect why you think about him like this I BEGGGG)#it's canonically in terms of the hunting vs nuclear dichotomy. he doesn't want to to beat uo his bullies because kids his age#shouldn't have the skills he does !!!! he doesn't want to kill his first kiss because kids his age GET to have their first kiss#and not kill them. and this is interesting to me actually#his monstrosity hinders his idea of his normalcy and the hunting dichotomy of innocent vs monstrous is the structure#within which he both crosses that boundary to achieve normalcy but it's also why he cannot achieve it#the idea of its innateness that dean applied should he decide to do so. i feel like that's where this is working from#because it is just so strange that you attribute a facade with no canonical standing within a hc#to the monstrous boy as 'pretending to be normal' rather than trying and failing#while also stripping dean of his facade entirety to get to what you perceive as his entirely gooey insides within the same post#ludere
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four unrecoverable hours down the drain ....
★ song : "Gehenna" – Nightcord at 25:00 cover
#hey guys . barely awake spooky here#uhm#sorry about the freakout i had last night over not being able to upload this – i think the tiredness was getting to me ahaha#anywho#i think it's almost poetic how these two complete one another#tony refuses to speak about his past to anyone . in fear that the events of his past would transpire once more . and leaves –#– the plethora of issues he has unaddressed . trying [and mostly failing] to power through them himself#while sketchbook is trying so hard to help tony feel better but . in the process . also hiding his own feelings and troubles –#– for . if he shared them with tony . the clock would only spiral further with worry and guilt#isn't it nice how they both want to take care of one another . but end up destroying each other and –#– more importantly . themselves more in the process#i . for one . think it is#im crazy over this cover guys – not lying when i say it might be my favorite N25 cover of ever ahaha#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis au#high voltage au#dhmis tony#tony the talking clock#dhmis hv tony#dhmis sketchbook#dhmis hv sketchbook#tw flashing images#cw flashing images#tw flashing lights#cw flashing lights#attempt number 4 to post these crossing my fingers hope it goes well
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THEY DEVASTATINGLY WALLOPED ME FOR THESE BRIEF FEW SECONDS
#leigh's magneto hours#THERE'S SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE. ESPECIALLY THE ALMOST TOUCHING FOREHEADS BIT.#magneto's 'my path is too littered with error'#;WWWWWWW;#and rogue's 'you have to earn people's trust'#LIKE!!!!! AND THEN HE DIRECTLY GOES FOR THE 'ooooo i feared you'd do your best to avoid being alone with me.' WITH THE HAND GRAB!!!!#YOU FEARED???? YOU FEARED?!?! FEARED FOR WHAT. OLD MAN WHAT ARE YOU SAYING#AND THEN HE GOES TO TRY AND TAKE OFF THE GLOVE. AS IF WE DIDN'T JUST ADDRESS TRUST#dnvjdxbvjhdbvhdx. this man. i swear. you are giving me signals that you want to be more open and then YET YOU BRING UP OLD BAGGAGE#he's like 'oh i just got rejected. well now time to deflect.' LIKE AAAAAAAAA#this moment coupled with the moment at the end is making me crazy#sorry to my followers who never expected me to be into xmen???? im here now. im so ill with it.#i can probably assure there will be more rogneto on this blog here in the future. this is your warning#i just feel like ive been fucking SPOON FED oh my god. crossing my fingers we get more messy feelings between them.
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Yay someone mentioned daisuke’s previously untranslated comments about testament’s pathetic nature and incomplete existence on their wikipedia page i can yoink this for my cooler wiki without feeling like i will be killed
#they didnt include the part where he says he still wanted them to be happy though… its okay… i can add that…#ive known about this i just kinda feel like ill be killed translating things myself. and its pretty superfluous information to ask about#they arent even full translations just like quoted snippets but well seeing someone else acknowledge them just makes me feel less crazy#so like im barely even yoinking. really.#its just like… ah… im right… and unkillable…#the kat goes meow
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work crush who I thought was straight is actually bi I never lose
#i'm jk i am losing big time anxiety style but it's okay i am starting a medication for that#as soon as the constant feeling i am going to die goes away i will have crazy game don't even worry about it#although actually sometimes the aura of doom attracts people who want to fix me ? the deer in the headlights look works for me Sometimes#of course as soon as they realize they can't fix me then things go south but i'm not convinced i have a future so it's really not my problem#however. sometimes work crushes are best as a fun idea#but the idea is fun. it's a lot of fun we all need to daydream about things that are just irl not likely to work out#that is almost of the point of having a little crush. you want to believe in a more dramatic and magical world
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