#feeling vvery insane

[mikeyrrevenge]

thinking very intently about ryan's wrist tattoos

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary119

1/10-11/2024

wednesday - thursday

missed my friend's birthday today.

cuz i was sick. my gf went though (i hope i didn't spread through her (but probably)). i think he had a good time, my friend, and my gf had a good time with them all. it means a lot to me that she can go hang out with them and not be like, uncomfortable, there's people there who talk to her and value her thoughts and company and treat her like a human. this shouldn't be special, but it is. obviously, there's also guys there who aren't awful but are mostly among dudes. they treat me like an in-between thing i guess, when i'm around. something about that is gratifying to see written out, in-between thing, but idk, i feel more allied with the side that isn't those guys, than them. those guys also treat our transmasc friend weird as well. they treat me less weird than him because i'm older to the friendgroup, and our friend whose birthday it was, he's the one who brings us all together, i'm very vvery close with him. they don't treat our transmasc friend horribly weird, but still. i'm really only talking about like...4 of a group of over 10. these ones are the super weedbro contingent. idk though, i really like everyone basically. only one guy bothers me and he just treats everyone weird.

having fun waiting for ableton to open after it just crashed after opening.

i feel like i can at fix some of a problem with the one song i got to today, the mix for this one just seems very hard to get to the bottom of, something seems very wrong with it but i don't know what. it's, in my mind, right now, the vocals, they're muddy and dark, and idk what i am doing wrong, so i'm gonna try and use a vocal group from another song and slot the takes into that, using that fx chain. maybe that will help clear it up, but i'm worried the issue is these takes themselves.

i hope this works. what else did i do,

i did get that drum idea down, i think, or something like it, an evolution of that, really happy about that. i hope this song comes out right on export, it's such a weird pain.

another weird pain today, but i won't go into it, because it's basically pathetic. there's just certain things that i'll end up seeing if i go on twitter and it makes me go kind of crazy. i don't know why that kind of thing is like basically a trigger for me. why is that a potential trigger, seeing people going crazy on something meaningless because they are miserable, it should be able to pass through me and be nothing, but i can't deal, it makes me feel bad and like i need to escape, it's also a place where i see people with such vehement opinions about bodies basically, or that's what i saw today, that it makes me question what i am/if i even belong to any kind of community or whatever. being so online really only increased my alienation towards larger groups. some people are so joyful in spreading what is basically a kind of super negative method of self appraisal and seeing oneself in the world, they hide behind it being some kind of hard truth, it's so ugly though. i wish people stopped spreading stuff from /lgbt/ basically, the whole worldview it basically has developed/allowed to fester. it's seriously so awful and people kind of bandy it/its language about like it makes you cool in some kind of edgy way.

it's always profound how lame everyone ends up being, on the other end of the sludge-spew.

anyways, the thing exported, i'll listen tomorrow, maybe i'll be a better judge then. currently i'm just thinking about how this funny is now:

every tiime i clicked on one of these because it seemed utterly psychotic, it reminded me of being in a hospital waiting room, seeing people there for reasons i could not imagine, doing insane things, fluorescent nausea. why was every one of them so sexualized too, did any regular blogger ever do those things.

anyway i am super tired and i stayed up way tooooo late.

so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[the-archivists-plus-one]

YIIIIPPPPEEEEE!!! I love getting tagged in these things!!! Thanks buddy :)

Favorite Color: Purple. But also red. And blue LOOK IT’S HARD. Purple will always be my number one but red and blue BATTLE to try and overtake it sometimes. Oh shit wait my favorite colors are the bisexual lighting haha that’s hilarious

Last Song: Ok so idk what all this last.fm stuff is about???? But the last song I listened to on Spotify was What’s Up Danger. Yes it’s because of the Spiderverse movie, shush. Before that it was Perfect System by Oingo Boingo and I find that hilarious

Currently Reading: Do AO3 fics count for this? Because I’m not currently reading an actual book lol. If so, the one I will nominate for this is an Inanimate Insanity fic I’m not even close to finishing (BECAUSE 71 CHAPTERS?? HELLO???) called The Neighbor Next Door! It’s pretty well written and I love the way the author characterizes everyone

Currently Watching: Uhhhhhhhh not really anything particularly in the moment I’d say. I did recently watch an object show called ONE though so that was cool. Had to cope with the ending even though I watched it all in one day LMAO. Oh. And I’ve been invested in all the new Inanimate Insanity episodes. Eagerly awaiting episode 18

Currently Craving: Mmmm ice cream. Not even any in particular I just.. Ice creamm. I’m a basic bitch though, just give me a bowl of vanilla ice cream and I will be vvery happy. I also very much like sherbert. I also wish I could have honey pecan ice cream without the pecans..

Coffee or Tea?: Coffee I guess because I’ve drank more of it tbh. I love drinking flavored iced coffees dude. Caffeine doesn’t really have an effect on me from what I’ve seen though, so I’m kinda just drinking for the sweet flavor at that point lol. It’s just that the only tea I’ve ever drank was like.. once when I was sick, so it was disgusting but I powered through, and one that tasted like chapstick. So.

Hobby to Try: I don’t think I’ll ever get around to actually ever doing it but I’ve always thought it’d be cool to learn how to sew stuff. Idk I just think it’d be pretty rad to be able to fix things up, and make your own clothes should you have the fabric, pattern, and time on your hands. But idk. I already do my drawing and singing and acting and writing and baking soooo

Current AU: I don’t have an AU that I personally have made really currently, but I do have a couple that I spin around in my head like a microwave. So for ONE, or HFJONE as the fandom calls it for tagging purposes, I love the “Everyone gets sent back, but now Liam has to bring and keep Airy with him on earth to stop him from making another season of 1” sort of AU. For Inanimate Insanity, I’m a big fan of @bear-boi-5 ‘s Demented Mephone AU!!! It’s very interesting, and I just love to look at how a character and the trauma they go through can change them as a person, and that’s what it’s full of!! For Gravity Falls, Feral Ford AU is a guilty pleasure of mine. I also love the (very small) Time Dilation AU too though.

Tagging: I’m just gonna tag whoever!! Feel free to not do it!! @themathwhizard @thatofabeavers @adams3rdwifeee @slightlybritish @ho-ho-homosxual

Get to Know Me (tagged by @slingbees)

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rules: tag 9 people you want to get to know better and catch up with

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Favorite Color(s): ORANGE!!!!! but also yellow!

Last Song:

Currently Reading: them Guardians of Ga'hoole books because when I was in the hospital I read one of them.

Currently Watching: I'm going through Red Vs Blue with some friends.

Currently Craving: this peach monster right beside me. don't tempt me.

Coffee or Tea: I haven't been drinking much of either recently, but coffee.

Hobby to Try: Start animating at home.

Current AU: I guess I've been thinking about that Simpsons comic where Smithers gets cloned, fucking hilarious they just start killing each other. Other than that, I don't know.

TAGGING:@sleepypuddding @funkyjunkyfangz @beeframennoodles100 @danklemckspankle @potatoqueensays @notevenhodgepodge @butchbarneygumble @lorogy662 @calpalsworld anyone else too!

[2-dsimp]

Hi! 💟 here :)

I just have some thoughts that I’d just get out there-

First of all I think this can only end bad for us no matter what we chose,, so I’m worried lol

But I feel that running away will probably end the WORST for us because!! Childe is vvery set on having us and we said we would go with him to his house. He doesn’t appreciate when people break their word so he’ll be upset if we don’t go and probably do something drastic in the moment.

Secondly! Xiao is probably following us, but also have you considered it could be someone else?? Or even multiple people! But anyway if Childe doesn’t catch us we might run into someone else and they might not be so nice. Probably a good idea to stay with someone we have a decent idea of what they’re like,, even if what they’re like is unstable.

Now to the other choices! I think probably the safest choice is holding hands because it’s more wholesome,, if that makes any sense. While a piggyback ride is our front pressed up against his back,, so yknow,, (though my vote is still for a piggyback ride bc they’re awesome and I love Childe)

Now I’ve seen some of the other anons reason that he might kidnap/drug us,,

But I really don’t think so?? His insanity is extremely low and while, yes, he does have a lot of stars, do you really think he would act upon his thoughts with his family around ?? Idk maybe I’m just extremely optimistic but I trust him for now :)

Anyways thanks for letting me ramble <3

No thank you for the wonderful rambles✨

Your vote/theory has been received 📝😌

[paragonrobits]

sometimes i feel like my writing style is cold, clinical and detached, like some kind of alien doing its best to describe human behavior and having no idea what its talking about

and then also sometimes batshit insane in a vvery straight-faced, ‘well that’s how the world is, I suppose’ way

and being both varieties at the same time.

it helps that this is part of my worldbuilding method; I write as if these are just the way the world works, and do so to establish a sense of normalcy. like, if people have superpowers in that setting, I WILL write them as though its a normal thing and not call much attention to it.

it actually makes writing smut difficult for me; I usually have to look upp examples that i think are well written, use those as a basis for the kind of writing choices to make, and hope like hell that it works out

i just go ‘is this sexy?? i have NO IDEA??? is THIS appealing??? will this please the lusts of my audience? I dont have any lusts to speak of so i’m shooting in the dark here??????’

[jinxeddetectivve]

listening to the old speedrun 4 songs makes you feel like youre a soda that just got shooken up actually /pos

I ramble a little but most of it is in tags

I STARTED RAMBLING IN TAGS AND I DONT FEEL LIKE RETYPING THEM ALL BACK SO HERES A SCREENSHOT !!

no cause a lot of games got just removved and destroyed cause of copyright and its so upsetting

main example of this are the pokemon games !! THEY WWERE AMAZING !! this is a completely seperate example but on roblox there used to be this trilogy of vvery good pokemon fangames that I wwill wwell explain a little bit on right noww it wwas my favvorite and 1st pokemon experience and it wwas amazing OK 1. BRICK BRONZE. pokemon brick bronze wwas an AMAZING LITTLE GAME !! it had a silly little storyline and all the pokemon and it wwas great and I had litten and azumarill and it wwas great and the models wwere 3d and they had calls and wwowww Nowwadays, it's gone BUT roblox devvs are insane and persistant so they just made their owwn vvery pokemon inspired game called loomian legends wwhich is kinda eh to me but still 2. another game that got hit wwas called something like the pokemon project ?? I may be mixing this up wwith the next 1 but from wwhat I remember this 1 wwas not as good on the vvisuals but amazingly fun wwith the gameplay truly challenging tbh the replacement that the devvs made for this 1 is called doodle wworld. I ADORE DOODLE WWORLD. ITS ADORABLE AND AMAZING AND THE CHARACTERS ARE SO LOVVABLE AND I WWANNA SEE FANART OF THEM IM NOT EVVEN JOKING THE CHARACTERS IN DOODLE WWORLD ARE TOP TIER AND SO AMAZING I LOVVE MR RIFFRAFF SO MUCH IM BEGGING PEOPLE TO GET INTO DOODLE WWORLD WWITH ME BC MY FRIENDS DONT LIKE IT noww that my doodle wworld rant is ovver (please get into it) 3. umm i dont remember the name for this 1 tbh I do remember i 100%'d it tho cause it wwas more or less a pokemon rp game wwhere you collect pokemon by doing tasks and solvving puzzles and other such methods but it wwas really time consuming and fun and after you got a character by playing as it's model you could levvel them up and fight people and wwin cause I WWAS OP IN THAT GAME AND I COLLECTED THE MEGA EVVOLUTION STONES (hard to get) and also I appeared in a youtube vvideo once for it bc i wwas showwing some kid howw to get a character (I think it wwas lucario) and he put it on his youtube channel that had like 2 subs it wwas great there is alsoa replacement for this 1 but i dont remember the name its something like creatures of alternia i think ANYWWAYS POINT IS THERE WWERE GREAT AMAZING GAMES and although there are replacements for them noww the old fans lost all their progressa nd the neww 1s dont get to experience the old fun it wwas to run around as gardevvoir and destroy people wwith your op powwers this started off wwith speedrun 4 and just delvve into pokemon fangames but like still roblox fun also I havve doodle wworld fanart... if.. if anyone cares...