#feeling normal abt them tn

[phagodyke]

truly incredible gig tn atmosphere was stunning and also I was stood almost just behind maybe The most handsome butch I have ever seen in my life im not even exaggerating and they were also there alone (VERY rare at this show) and we made eye contact like twice bc they turned around a couple times and as I was leaving I realised they were suddenly right next to me and then I lost them in thr crowd!!!!! and im kicking myself so fucking hard bc I so badly wanted to catch them just to tell them I've never seen someone so gorgeous in my entire life im stone cold sober btw just completely losing my mind. And there were prolly a couple thousand ppl it was so so busy coming out of the venue and ive already walked half the way home theres no chance I'll find them now but I still keep scanning people that pass me in case it's them. tearing my hair out coughing up blood I'll never forget u come back to me i need to shoot my shot pls.....

[therosevest]

so right a couple of my film friends and i met last night to do wine and glee and i left and tried to catch a bus in our gross rainy cold weather and so when it finally comes im just like zoo wee mama my glasses r fogging up and all that shit. but who of course is on the bus but my one friend the main perpetrator of acting like im some flaky cunt (rant city below)

so i guess technically this wouldnt look great on my part bc i was obviously Somewhere and had been ignoring the group chat making plans but oh my GOD whatever who careessssss who Cares. so im like fucking phenomenal ok walk back Omg hi and she moves her shit so i can sit and i get settled and am like hey. and she asks what i was up to and ofc when i say anything bc this is fucking awkward shes just got this stupid smug little smile but i was just sitting there like bitch im not gonna sit here and act embarrassed for seeing my other friends so i was just like So are u guys doing x tn and shes like mhm yep are you coming and i was like well gee i dont know. sarcastic shrug. make conversation about the timing of the place for a second kinda jokin then awk silence

and so then because im a chill normal adult and am aware that shes about to go meet the group of friends and no matter what this interaction is going to be brought up and i had been planning on composing a levelheaded text but i just said Look im sorry that i ghosted you guys (and shes again smug smiling nodding next to me. girl.) i just honestly got tired of feeling like im being singled out and judged when i cant make it to something and she literally is just like Well im sorry you feel that way just u know we do try to come up w different days etc (if u like me are bad at reading between the lines this was a non apology and defense based on uh Nothing) and i was like right well ik last semester wasnt great it's just that sometimes i feel like im being shunned in the group chats when no one answers or reacts to anything i say and the other day when you said like. yk the 'could u commit' thing that felt really sort of condescending

and shes like again well im sorry u felt that way i was just trying to find another day that u could actually make it cause i wanted us all to be there so im not really sure how that came across as condescending but um yeah. and i, jackass that i am (<3) pulled out my phone and pointed and said Well u see we didnt have actual plans and in fact no one answered when i said anything abt it and yk things come up and so for me to have sent this whole nice thing and just get 'do you think youd be able to commit' in response felt a little bit needlessly mean (and i also tried to earnestly say at some point in all this that i genuinely do love and care for them and want to see them but yk this Sucks and was just bad timing)

THEN we somehow spin into her going Well i just had no idea this was even a thing until you brought it up just now i mean i wasnt even thinking abt it ive never really thought that of you etc and so then im sitting here feeling like im being gaslit in real time not to be dramatic and i felt very much like when i was in high school and people manipulated me bc i was a very easy target (its not that real but w/e) and so im like Ok be calm but dont just like let that slide cause girl be serious (prob should have but what ever) so i was like well you know i do apologize if i just couldnt tell your intent over text, but after you guys never answered me about hanging out and then the short responses like maybe u can kind of see where i felt like you were being rude (didnt say it quite that bluntly w/e)

and she pulls out the big card. the. well i just think youre being defensive. oh years and years of being the youngest and punished for um having feelings lmfao slammed me in my chest at that moment. and i calmly said Okay cool i think youre being defensive. and i lit missed my bus stop cause this driver was swerving so then i was just like Well you guys have fun maybe ill see you tonight bye. so. really feeling awesome abt the state of that. in all reality tho it's like i hung out w some friends and then went out to the gay bar w others and danced and etc and i can only imagine how much of a Thing this was for them so. if someone could win it'd be me right

(on another note at some point during this ride sams roommate requested to follow me back <3 which i had been pretending not to think abt for the last couple hours) anyway

this has been a post let me know if im being normalish

[blackvail22]

i love him so much

i am overthinking sm abt it though because he's 2 years younger than me

and my birthday is before his

so it looks like a 3 year gap for 3 months

im just afraid of people seeing me as a predator

im not preying on him

i respect his boundaries... he doesnt talk about them, so i always ask him

i think im in my head so much is because for abt a year n a half his cousin kept telling me his (my boyfriends) aunt thinks im a child predator

which, she told me that she wasnt saying i was.. she was telling them that i could be (because we met online n havent met in person yet)

so i get it

but other people calling me that too makes me ... uncomfortable

this doesnt justify it at all, but it really feels like him and i are the same age or at least close... because we are...

but it doesnt feel like theres a huge gap

2 years isnt a big gap....

when its our ages... its not a lot

im so exhausted from feeling like i have to defend myself

and it doesnt help that my sister said an offhand comment abt is i was dating my boyfriend (she thinks hes just a friend) that id be a predator which ????? no?

i always want to impress his family as well.

i dont come from a good family (obviously)... it seems like the complete opposite of theirs. so, i feel the need to prove that im better than where i came from. i am... not the best mentally, but im working on it, so thats something.

i always try to be nice, seem pure

theyre a picture-perfect christian family, id say

church every sunday morning, limits the amount of candy kids eat, makes sure theyre growing ... normally, properly. very easy going with each other, too

mine? goddd

chaos.

his family spends a lot of time together, too

i wonder if his family knew about my bad parents and the horrible way i grew up if theyd accept me.

fuck dude

i just need to sleep

i say that every time i overthink but im starting to believe its more than that

im going to take more melatonin than usual tn to see if i can sleep for longer. im not gonna want to wake up tomorrow because my moms home

everythings bad when my mom is home

i just want my computer in my room dudeee

[cacaitos]

so i wanted to rectify this part pon further reflection (specifically abt JnS at least) w what i was saying earlier. while obviously the characters are going to be affected on a personality level by their respective kind of opression and obviously where thwy intersect with others', i now think that's not the true purpose of the story.

but the more i think about it the more it seems to me that it's there to facilitate certain situations or types of interpersonal relationship. am i making sense? that their oppression exists vaguely and/or marginally from the actual character development, or that is defined through the rejection of other things, as a shadow of itself and its material qualities. that the story is not about them but how they set up other things?

say, for starters, obviously J or any random Joe or Jane character on the 60s for that matter, wouldnt start articulately and verbosely describing their complex relationship with xy or z about their identity in modern term bc yk, Exposition, not what im asking for. but moreso it's the point w her that despite it being technically her story, so much is told from other people's point of view or from this more distant style of narration. few internal dialogue; more action oriented, at least for her. at how many points does J say what she feels abt her gender versus the more overwhelming verbal and physical statements other people do to negate it or validate it. while directly affected by it, storywise it's more relevant the effects of the oppresion it has on her personality and the personalities of others than the way itself those two characters' opressions are related.

paul, for starters rectifying he's half ethnically jewish but mostly always christian, not a *religion* convert itself. as far as the story is concerned for the plot, it or his jewishness is defined by what is or what's not christian, by what is not-jewish or un-jewish, what's 'un-normal' (for the american identity), not by almost any definition of what it 'is'. he disavows his father, even if just through indifference didn't care much his traditions (esp gone his mothers wishes too) and is an avid christian, so his story is not so much *about* being jewish so much as is abt how he feels abt it being a shadow, a ghost that creeps behind it. am i conveying correctly what i mean. even christianity (in many other works from places where christianity isnt majority and a given anyway) is more important in the kinds of people (characters) or associations abt character it creates rather than any specific belief. it's not about christianity either.

so paul dislikes J (for ex) not because he's christian but bc she lives openly and 'incorrectly' in a way he can't bc of the things (stability, belonging, etc) he gets though being 'correct' by the acts and appearance of performing christianity, not for christian beliefs.

rita escapes me right now but i hope im conveying my point abt (and i will keep it between JnS, TnS and ktknu for now) ethnicity/race so on while technically relevant to the characters it could very well be better defined as a narrative tool before it is actually important or the foundation to the character/stories. that is not their mariginalizations that instersect but their residual personalities caused by them. or something.

[astrobei]

hello i am Perceiving on this fine november day/night . also what are your favorite canon byler moment(s)

oh god there r so many i’m definitely missing some but

1. mike finding will at the quarry OUCH and biking home after and crying currently writing many an angst sequence abt this bc it is so . (yells) + him touching will’s drawings when he thinks he’s gone is so ☹️☹️

2. THE HOSPITAL HUG WHERE MIKE JUST THROWS HIMSELF ONTO WILLS CHEST 😭 <- my actual irl face watching it every time . also just Every byler hospital scene solos

3. mike showing up to will’s house s2 and the Hand Hold and mike sleeping overohmyGod

3. the movie date . can’t believe they Canonically blushed so hard and looked right at each other’s mouths in a dark room r u KIDDING ME W THIS SHIT + mike running to wills house in the rain COMEEEE ONNNN COME ON!!! COME ON THOSE R ROMANCE TROPES HELLO

4. this is just a mike moment but it is so personal to me so i had to include it: “told u. physics” YEELLLINNGG LETHIM BE A NERD

5. vomit green socks 😭 help omfg mike u loser ur trying so hard and will ik u want to laugh but ur Mad so ur definitely laughing on the inside and trying ur best to glare on the outside

6. every scene in s4 where they look at each other in Exasperation. the boyfriendism was off the charts fr

7. the COUCH SCENE IM SORRY ILL NEVER SHUT UP ABT IT the shoulder touch the tender look the will confiding in mike abt vecna and no one else (onscreen) and him being literally BATHED IN GOLDEN LIGHT SCREAMINGSO LOUD FROM THE ROOFTOPS yells out the window so the entirety of my extended college campus can know my Feelings

8. WAIT IDK HOW I FORGOT BUT WILL CALLING FOR MIKE IN THE UD ON HALLOWEEN and “i couldn’t find you” 😭😭 ohmyogdod and

+ every time they breathe touch interact look at each other think abt each other exist—

[princelee-chang]

BODYGUARD AU FOR CHAE YOON/TAE GU I WANNA SEE UR TAKE ON THIS!!! ALSO HIII HOW R UUUU I MISS U I HOPE U R WELL ILY *KEESES U* 💕💕💕💕

taking a page out of your book and answering vice versa stylez bec its too delicious to pass up on and also because i literally could NOT choose which was better i s2g djdkkd qlso @ohfruit i cant remember us ever talking abt this so id also like 2 kno ur two cents. just wanna say as well i love u both so much i thought of literally nothing else all day ever sincei got this ask dkfklfkf so [CRACKS KNUCKLES]

bodyguard au where chae yoons protecting tae gu would be a canon divergent au early on in TN where chae yoon and tae gu come up with a compromise somewhere in the middle of the movie where they talk after chae yoons kicked out of the control room and she actually manages to get to him and talk to him i  person and they continue their .............. ~negotiationg~ away from the eyes of both the nis/police force and he's under her protection where they travel somewhere Neutral and OFC that wont fly for gong and all those dusty ass prunes so OFC theyll be sending their dumbass swat team after them both and just [clenches fist] the aes of tae gu agreeing to meet chae yoon somewhere and going somewhere together (maybe (: even (: just (: the (: two (: of (: them(: alone (: oh u kno (: roadtrip stylez (:) and tae gu being Unarmed and chae yoon being the one to Guarantee his safety with her life and being on the run together, just fun romance things (: fyi don't imagine them somewhere in some motel eating take out or patching each other up or pining for each other and being Actually Aware about it but not being able to act on it bec of ~complicated situations~ (:

ALTERNATIVELY~~tae gu protecting chae yoon what comes to mind is maybe because shes someone important like maybe an Actual Official or a member of family of a politician or maybe even borrowing from SYJs movie the last princess and chae yoons the guarded and sheltered type both bec of her upbringing and the situation calling for it and maybe after several attempts on her life or whoever shes related too and going thru so many other bodyguards and usually they're all like..... so uncomfortable to be around just silent impersonable statues hovering and just doing their job and its all very cold and clinical UNTIL MIN TAE GU who at first checks all the boxes you know good at what he does etc etc (hot... but we dont talk abt that) (not yet at least) and like ?????????? she knew to an extent he wasn't ~normal~ but slowly """"""behind the scenes""""" his blazer comes off the ear piece comes off and the Bodyguard Persona comes off when work hours are up and he totally surprises her by sheer will of min tae gu and MAKES friends whether she likes it or not because hes so WARM and so different from everyone shes known employee or family combined and oh BOY not only does he do a good job of protecting her he actually makes her s m i l  e he makes her LAUGH he makes functions bearable they make fun of other  iMp oR tA n T pE o P L e together at galas and on her couch at home and WHOOO WEEE idk who catches feelings first but it most DEF is mutual pining you can count on THAT

[luobingmeis]

share your mama thoughts!!!! (if you would like to)

you’re gonna look at these and, within 2.5 seconds, say “wow jords the self-projection is strong tn”

or more so “wow jords we really see the dynamics that u yearn for and yet cannot find so u project them onto fictional characters who u look up to in a way u can’t quite understand”

post-writing notes: this got way longer than i expected (the jords ohsweetflips story), so this is going under the cut, but enjoy my huge mama backstory headcanons!!!

first things first, i hc mama as a lesbian, bc i am a lesbian, and i feel very attached to mama, so i hc her as a lesbian (but also i believe that anyone can hc her to be anything that they damn well please)

and, forgive me, i don’t know shit abt west virginian geography, but i think she grew up in a town like aubrey’s? like i know we didn’t get a lot of description of aubrey’s younger life outside her home, but i kinda see mama as having this “old money” type homelife

and bc i, jords ohsweetflips, wish i had a group of lesbian friends so that i could’ve had some guidance in my teen years, i hc that, in her town, she found her way into the small yet secure lesbian “scene” that was just a couple girls around her age (i see her as 15 at this time, with others ranging 15-18) along with a couple who were, like, 19/20

and tbh, just the vibe i get from mama and how she seems much more inclined towards found family than blood relatives, i don’t think she had the nicest folks so, when she came out, that was it, you know?

and tbh i completely see mama (well, madeline at this point) as someone who is very like “i don’t need help, i can do things on my own,” even as a young teen, so i think for, like, a week or two, she did the whole “on her own” things

but bc her friends were absolute angels, and also found out that she had been essentially homeless, two of the girls who are 19 and 20 and have an apartment are like “fuck no, you’re staying with us”

and madeline is at first like “no, really, i’m fine” but the thought of an actually loving home is too tempting to ignore

so from the ages of 15 to 18, she lives with her friends!!! she was fairly good at art at this point so she was able to get some in to the local galleries and shops and make some money off of it, and then when she was around 17, her friends were able to get her a job bussing at the bar they worked in

she also liked to whittle a lot!!! she made a lot of ducks

she was 18 when she decided to move out, and that’s when she heard of kepler. or, more so, she heard of it from another one of her friends who dubbed it as “a place fit for you, mads”

so she managed to save up enough money for an apartment and she moved out of her hometown and absolutely the friends she lived with cried their eyes out when they were helping her move in and tbh even madeline got a bit teary eyed bc they were like family, you know?

and so basically, from the ages of 18-24, she lived in kepler and got her bearings and this was when she started to get really into wood carving!!! she was able to get some pieces out there and get some recognition and, by her mid20s, she was actually making decent money, or at least enough to not be living paycheck to paycheck

in this phase of living in kepler, i think she was in a very “people knew her but she didn’t know them that well” just bc i don’t see her as the type of person to be a “social butterfly”? i think she mostly, tho, became friendly with the man who ran kepler’s local coffee shop, and the wives who owned the little dipper back before it was the hornet’s nest. she’s also def met leo and thacker, but only in passing, mostly. i think, once she got closer to her late 20s/early 30s, she would have heard of duck and juno but, in her being 18-24, they were probably still kids/young teenagers.

WAIT I CAN’T FORGET 1980S MAMA AESTHETIC: whole lot of jackets. she did a lot of thrift shopping so she has so many huge jackets. lot of denim. and leather. work boots. flannel. patches. are you picking up on the self projection yet.

and then, in november of 1988, when she was 24, the gate went up. she encountered her first abomination by accident. she had been out in the woods, just trekking back to her apartment and deciding to take the scenic route, when all of a sudden.... one of the smaller trees started moving? and she was like “well that’s not what trees do” and then she saw that the tree had a jagged mouth dripping with sap and branches acting like long, clawed hands, and she was like “well that ain’t no normal tree”

i don’t have my Big Brave Madeline “Mama” Cobb Origin Battle Story yet but she definitely just chopped the shit out of the tree and it managed to work

i think it would be Very Funny if, very shortly after that, her first sylph was barclay. like, i have a feeling that age works a bit different for sylphs, and honestly i have no clue where they would get the disguises from? maybe heathcliff? but the thought of madeline running into Literal Bigfoot and barclay, maybe like 20yo in sylph age, being like “WAIT DON’T KILL ME” bc this young woman already looks ready for leather is very entertaining

and that’s when mama learns abt the sylphs, and how they’re not abominations, and barclay shows her the gate 

and also yes barclay absolutely stays in her apartment except he is So Hidden bc imagine the chaos of Literal Bigfoot being in her apartment! hysterical!

but, soon, mama crosses over into sylvain and figures out Everything that has gone on and knows abt the crystal shattering and the wars and she realizes that there have been sylphs exiled to earth and she’s like “well that ain’t gonna fly”

so she starts the pineguard and, for that first year, it’s mostly just her? and, at that point, it’s harder to locate sylphs, so she only has barclay and one or two others staying with her and it’s cramped but they’re safe so she’s happy

she meets thacker around... april 1989, i think? i know it was spring. so he helps out, and then they recruit another guy, mike (canonically mentioned in the water arc), and a couple others, and, suddenly, the pineguard is turning into an actual thing

and then, one of the ski lodges up on topside closes, now leaving a completely empty inn just... taking up space...... and it’s only a half mile from the gate........... and she has been making a decent amount of money from her sculptures

before the end of 1989, amnesty lodge is set up and running and, all of a sudden, it’s like she has another real home again. she loves the sylphs she meets and they can be safe with her!!

thacker absolutely has a bunch of “home videos” where, really, he’s just messing around with madeline. it’s almost like a “madeline cobb nature documentary” as she finishes up the lodge and treks through the woods. there’s also some of barclay and moira, and other pineguard members, and other sylphs that show up. he also has his journals and pictures and other books and, at one point, the cellar looks like thacker’s library

also the ballad of bigfoot is absolutely canonical and, after stephanie & griffin & C.M. leave the lodge, thacker has never seen madeline go off like she did on barclay that night. barclay still has some residual fear for hearing mama (who’s a big woman but he is Big Foot so he is definitely just Big) scream up at him “I WILL PUT YOU BACK IN THE WOODS WHERE I FOUND YOU, DON’T YOU TEST ME, BARCLAY”

even tho the two of them don’t talk abt it much, and might not even realize it that early on (picturing like late 20s/early 30s), thacker and mama really are best friends and, tbh, every sylph can see it in the way they bicker yet unconditionally care for each other

madeline almost kicked thacker out of the pineguard when she first found out what he put in his gorp

dani showed up in 2009 and, at the age of 12, she was the youngest sylph amnesty lodge had by a fucking landslide, and that made madeline so angry yet so sad bc this child had been exiled from her home and that was just a thing that could happen

(madeline never got along too well with woodbridge but, after that, knowing that he is the one in charge of the exiles, she could never even be civil with him)

she was immediately protective of dani and was ready to really step in as a parental figure bc she wasn’t abt to let this young girl be without guidance

and she gave dani handmedowns and took her shopping and would make sure that she felt safe and comfortable bc, really, she was the only sylph in the lodge who wasn’t an adult. and, fortunately, barclay was basically an older brother to her and moira looked out for her and i think dani coming into the lodge was what really gave everyone a very big reality check bc, like. she’s a kid

(is it obvious that i’m a bit attached to mama and dani)

and so it should come as no shock that, within a year of dani being in amnesty lodge, madeline became “mama”

and then, in 2011, jake, age 16, showed up, and by then mama was like “alright time to adopt him”

but also, real talk, mama looks out for all her sylphs so much, she’d lay down her life for any of them

when thacker leaves in 2013, she’s at first okay, doing just fine. he promised that he would come back, and she has faith in him. and then months pass. and then a year. and then two. and, all of a sudden, it’s the spring of 2016 and kepler expeditions is officially shut down and mama realizes just how much she misses her best friend.

and, not to mention, the waning of the pineguard.

by the time it gets to the summer of 2018, it’s just her and barclay, the both of them hoping things stay the same, but hope hasn’t gotten them too far

and then they have a fire magician, and a forest ranger with a talking sword, and ned fucking chicane

and now we have reached canon!!! thank u for coming to my ted talk!!!!

also tho, post-finale during the big reunion, thacker is just talking with aubrey and all of a sudden is like “holy shit, you really are like her, aren’t you?” and aubrey is just like “???” and thacker says, “don’t go tellin’ her, because she’ll kick my ass, but talkin’ to you is just like talkin’ to maddie when she was your age” and aubrey is a bit :’)

[hoekageyama]

ok i’m about to rant abt personal life stuff so if y’all don’t mind here we go...

(i’ll make this a read longer so it’s not clogging up y’all feed w my stupid personal problems lol)

send help i’m supposed to go to a bday party for a (somewhat close) friend tn and i’m conflicted bc part of me just wants to chill w my babies & play cod w them all night bc they’re finally home from being away for what feels like fucking ages :((((

i am:

like i don’t wanna be a bad friend but just emotionally idk if i can handle being around ppl other than my boys rn

it really sucks tho bc we were gonna hang tn in person and all have a cute lil sleepover like we normally do but bc of the pandemic, my fren is gonna self quarantine bc he’s a good, respectable person & actually cares abt us (MY HEART HURTS LIKE LEMME HOLD UR HAND AND HUG U IDIOT)

anywaaaaaaay....

like i feel fucking gross beyond belief bc i’m just like ew (like as a whole entity)

but also like i wanna go bc i finally get girl time & like they’re so sweet and THERES ALCOHOL!!! LIKE I CAN FINALLY BE A LIL THODDIE W MY GIRLS BUT IM TOO FUCKIN D*PRESSED TO LEAVE THE HOUSE 😩😩😩😩😩😩

also like WHAT THE FUCK DO I GET HER FOR HER BIRTHDAY????!!!!! I DONT KNOW AND IM FREAKING OUT I AFDAJFFKJADJ 

H E L P 

P L E A S E

if u got this far pls take all these sweet haikyuu reaction pics as an apology for spewing my stupid personal bullshit nonsense online & it making its way to ur feed 🥺👉👈

[amilliontinywraiths]

the sun setting over the campground swimming pool

wow things have been long and right now the sun is setting in a really beautiful way over eastern colorado which is really an armpit-type of area. my cousin and I are staying in this cabin and in the cabin next door these older dudes are trying to hide their weed. i was making the click click chhh chhh sound towards these bunnies and one of the dudes told me ‘those things have fucking rabies.’ 

i’m helping my cousin drive west but i feel a little silly being here, since i’m feeling sad to leave kansas city in a way that i didn’t feel sad leaving chicago -- e.g., it felt like there was something growing there in terms of friendships and movements and opportunities or whatever and im bummed to have just up and left even if that was my initial “real” plan. i guess the idea of working on an extremely remote farm rn sounds not only the normal amount of isolating but also really hard b/c so many people are actively fighting for abolition in literally every medium-to-big city. maybe im just confused abt being in my 20-somethings doing rrly nothing but not wanting to do anything, looking for friends & lovers & things to feel something abt. previous sentence reads like a frankie cosmos lyric.

today when we were driving against my maybe better judgement i picked up some wooks on the side of the road b/c it was like 105 degrees in kansas and when i pulled up they didnt totally look wookie. then the dude would not stop talking abt his rainbow family so i just made them get out lol. anyways they left their hybrid keyboard oboe instrument behind accidentally and im totally not going to use it but it reminded me of taking drum lessons w/ my friend casey and also my friend luc literally year(s) ago and never really practicing and thus not playing drums :( maybe nows the time. thinking abt having a band and playing post-punk or maybe just random notes rrly loudly.

i bought a car and i feel like im whipppppppping around at all points which is good because its distracting me from the financial reality of that decision. when i back up there is a rear-view camera which really blows my mind and also all of the turn signals work so im living a new found luxury i think. i took my old car (reggie) to my mechanic and sold him for parts which was really sad. ive had that car since i was 15! there was a wooden shoe bookstore (philly?) sticker on the back and i pulled it off before he went to his death & underneath was a coexist sticker!!!!!! in probably 2016 i still had the sticker on due to laziness and one of the first times i hung out w/ kris she saw it and literally gagged. i was so embarrassed b/c i thought she was super cool and didnt want her to think i aligned w/ coexist bumper sticker ideologies. so reggie went to the grave with his original sticker and the pacifism of 16 yr old gabi.

the campground is filled with bunnies, as i type im looking at three of them just lounging about. they lay around like cats which is super unexpected and so devastating in a cute way. theyre really skittish and when it started to rain they hid under all the cars. the moths are attacking my computer screen and im being eaten by mosquitoes and these kids are swimming in the rv campground pool (the water is actually brown, lol). i drank a beer w/ my ihop meal & felt proud that i can do that now & its just a normal thing even if i have to take a lap and convince myself not to have another beer (insert substance abuse counselor voice: sobriety is a spectrum). im taking deep breaths and rocking on this cheesy porch swing and i can see horses nuzzling on the other side of the interstate. 

i guess what im trying to say is im grateful to be here, even if here is a brown swimming pool. 

[psychohemp]

1/4/20

9:27pm

first of all, happy new years. i hope this year is amazing & i do all the growing i need to.

i am so so so beyond fucking sick of hearing & thinking abt isabella. jake doesn’t realize how lucky he is that he doesn’t have to ever imagine me w someone else. w an ex, specifically. i know that he loves me & they aren’t together & that he regrets what happened but that doesn’t make the thoughts go away. jon just mentioned to angela something about a show they all watched together & im just upset abt it again. i need her to fucking disappear from both of our lives. i wanna talk to jake abt it but i’m always afraid he’s gonna feel guilty. which i shouldn’t be, bc frankly he should feel guilty. he fucked up prettu big. & i’m just so tired of thinking abt her & how she’s better than me or prettier than me or anything like that. i’m so sick of it. & jake invited pat over tn to drink which is fine but now like 6 other people are coming. i don’t feel like dealing w that & waiting for them all to go home. i have a 7 hr morning shift tmr & im gonna need sleep. i’m stressed the fuck out & i just want jake to come home alone so we can go to sleep. i’m sick of feeling this way. december was kinda rough & i’ve felt better but i just want this shit to go away. i’m sick of feeling like i’ll never be normal & okay & i’ll never function. i just need a break from life but i can’t get that. i wish i could die for a week. if i’m not feeling exponentially better by the time my classes start i’ll fail. i have nothing in place right now support wise for my mental health & i’m terrified. the only person i want to reach out to is bob & he hasn’t answered. he probably has some stuff going on but i just need something right now. i’m gonna clean jakes room a bit to prepare & try not to think abt this

[coffeecapricorn]

January 17 2019

I took an OTF class this morning. I almost wasn’t going to wake up for it it (idk why I’ve just been CONSISTENTLY falling back asleep after waking up lately) but I got up & went and it felt SO GOOD. It’s so good to sweat in different ways & I ran over 2 miles which was GREAT for me. After class i talked to Matt abt the shooting pains in my foot after I run & he gave me advice & I ran & he corrected it. It’s kind of cool to have people who have so much knowledge right at my fingertips for free. A lot of people don’t have that privilege.

I’ve been home for the rest of the day. I dropped j off at wrestling, I made baked oatmeal bars. Since one of my resolutions is to start eating more & more Whole Foods and really focus in on the less processed stuff. Anyways the bars taste like crack good they’re amazing.

Me and Jesse were going to hang out tn I think but he opened my snap and then never responded to me :) we. Love. Boys. Why does this keep happening to me. I’ve actually gotten so immune to it by now. Me and Christina might get wings.

I made all of Kayla’s birthday post stuff. I wish I was going to be with her on her birthday but maybe next year :(

Me & Christina went to BWW tonight. I’m SO FULL!!! I still feel kind of guilty always when I eat a lot but then I remind myself I’m making memories and it’s all okay.

In the car me and Christina had a huge talk about her.about how she jus doesn’t trust guys and accepts a fuck ton less than what she deserves. Also how she’s never had a boyfriend or a thing w anyone & doesn’t go to guys houses or anything like that. She thinks it’s weird and honestly I can’t relate and I felt bad that I couldn’t it must suck and I don’t know what it’s like. She is really worried about it and I was trying to give her the best advice I could. I do think it’s odd but I also know a lot of pkeole haven’t and it’s normal. She is dramatic about everything but she does have abnormal trust issues and she really does push guys away and she is kind of scared of them. I feel for her I really do and I hope by this time next yeR she is better about it and feels better💛

[generouslyteenagealpaca-blog]

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"affordable dental insurance oklahoma

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What Are Low Cost Term Life Insurance?

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affordable dental insurance oklahoma

affordable dental insurance oklahoma

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As it says above, I'm curious on how much it will be? cheaper than car insurance , or more? im from phoenix arizona. good grades , clean record . so if anyone knows how to help?""

What is the cheapest car insurance in PA?

So basically I need to insure my car, it's a old one worth about 2000 bucks, so I want the absolute bare minumum amount of insurance. Does anyone know any really cheap but legit car insurance companies? Oh and of course I'm 19 so that'll raise the cost a whale of a lot.""

What will my insurance do?

So the other day a car slammed on their brakes and I hit their bumper. It was a Mercury Sable.Not sure the year right now...prob 98-02. It was a young girl and her 4 friends. They were obviously under the influence of weed. They of course did not want to call the cops. I said ok because I did not want a ticket or my ins rates to go up. We exchanged names and numbers. She called and my husband and I arranged that we would pay for half of the damages. Today she called and said her estimate was $870!! I only cracked her bumper...what should I do? Can I still file a police report? What will my insurance do if I go through them now?Thanks!!

Insurance on a Mitsubishi Eclipse?

Hey. Im looking at a 2000 Mitsubishi eclipse and i was curious as to how much the insurance could possibly be? Im also looking at a 1998 one. Im a 16 year old , female w/ progressive.""

List of cheap auto insurance in Georgia $40-$50 a month?

cheap auto insurance in Georgia .looking for where I can pay btw $40-$50 a month

What's affordable about obamacare?

or the Affordable Care Act that so many want us to call it so that Obama hopefully isn't yoked with this monstrous failed program for the rest of time.

What car insurance companies do you recommend?

My vehicle was vandalized two weeks ago. I was not satisfied with the way my insurance company handled my case. I'm thinking about switching to another insurance company, any recomendations?""

Cheap car insurance with dui in california?

i know drinking and driving was dumb and dont drink anymore for a year. i need car insurance where can i find the best deal something cheap for a whole year for liabilty for my shitty car.

Get SORN first or cancel car insurance?

Hi, might be worth checking this thread out first: http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiWBX1zk4PVIcYSG9D1wU2AhBgx.;_ylv=3?qid=20130624061149AAg0TyU I've got the MOT done. But financially, still struggling. My Road tax notification came in and also got an insurance renewal reminder. Road tax expires on 31.8.2013 and car insurance on 3.9.2013 I want to get the car off the road so intend to go down the SORN route. Do I cancel my insurance first? Then get the SORN or vice versa or does it not matter which way I go first? Secondly, if I cancel my insurance, any likelihood I might get some cash back if they pro-rata the insurance for the year? Thank you.""

Can a vehicle be registered and insured to different people?

i want to register the car in my name but ... the insurance will be cheaper in my boyfriends name... can we do that?

Roughly how much would it cost to replace a quarter panel on my 95 camaro?

Please price with and without premium insurance. also it is dented from a hit and run so will my insurance rates rise?

What is Yearly renewable term insurance ?

My agent said that that the insurance that they offer has a feature of Yearly renewable term insurance? What is it exactly?

Where are the best Extended Auto Warranties Online - An Extended Auto Warranty that isn't too overpriced?

Where can I find an extended auto warranty online that is also good value? The one that came as standard with my car is very basic but their extended auto warranty plan is way overpriced. I'm now worried I'll have to pay out thousands in repair costs because something goes wrong with my car, conveniently just after the warranty expires. Is an extended auto warranty something I can get from an independant source?""

Estimate: How much is insurance for a 15 year old?

My son is turning 15 and we want to get him a car...we really like the 2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee. He's a Straight A student...I heard that honor students get a discount it that true? How much is insurance a month on a Jeep Grand Cherokee for a 15 year old Honor Student. I know no one will no for sure but please take a good estimate.

What does 'annual deductible' mean for health insurance?

Hey guys so I just want to get this straight because we are looking at purchasing new insurance... When it says Annual Deductible; $7500 does that mean after I paid that amount within the calendar year, then the insurance would kick in and start paying some of the cost? Is this still true with any type of doctor visit like routine checkups and stuff? It also says this regarding that Member pays $30 Copay or 30% after deductible (applies to the 3 office visit copay limit) . Can someone give me an explanation? It doesn't seem like this is a good option if I would have to pay $7500 before any insurance kicks in right?""

How much is car insurance?

i'm a 16 year old girl, i'm not on the honor roll, but as a guess how much would it be a month for me? i haven't gotten my license yet but i'm sure i will in a few weeks. is it a more than 100 dollars a month? thanks!""

affordable dental insurance oklahoma

affordable dental insurance oklahoma

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