#feeling a little 'but i' in john mulaney's voice because i *just* got back to writing

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 6 thoughts

(wipes away tears) my tummy hurts

so, i broke my own rule, and watched these next 2 episodes back to back. like i mentioned before, in some ways i am very happy i did this, to experience the sadness all at once rather than dragging it out over 2 days. but now that i have to edit and post these, whew boy. it’s going to be draining.

i wonder how the actors felt about these plot points of constant sorrow? do you think it got draining after a while? do you think they too wanted a break?

anyway. let us go back to 3 hours ago, when i was more innocent, younger, freer.

so, last episode had its ups and downs, and the episode before that was near perfection. i know a little about what happens in this one, and i’m ready to be hurt.

(author’s note: she was not, in fact, ready to be hurt)

i shall refrain from any further comment, beyond the fact that i am reading the episode description… scully must be utterly shocked to think that her sister had a secret child!!!

oh, and it’s a christmas episode? which i think is a little early since i’m watching this in november, but i’m sure it made sense when it aired. i’ll have to mentally get myself festive.

anyway. let us begin. i’m excited. 

(author’s note: i should not have been excited)

the scully family is visiting someone! scully observes that this woman is huge. which is actually hilarious. queen of speaking her mind.

ohhhh it’s bill’s house, and bill’s wife tara who we are meeting!! scully is unsettled because it is the exact same layout as their childhood house on the naval base :( i bet that feels super weird, to be in a place exactly like your childhood home, but yet not it

oh no, maggie is really sad because she misses mr. scully and melissa :( scully seemed to want to talk about it, but her mother darted away

(these guys definitely subscribe to that john mulaney bit about being irish: "i'll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, i'll die")

now the phone is going off, and she wants bill to answer it. but it’s for her???? 

a mysterious voice: “she needs you, dana. go to her” (proceeds to hang up)

this answered no questions at all.

she uses her special FBI privileges to trace the call!! and bill takes her to where she needs to go. which is….?

a house?

there are a lot of cop cars and ambulances at this here house. AND WHO IS THIS RUDE MAN TALKING TO SCULLY???? (later revealed to be named detective kresge)

“no offense, scully fbi” “i’ve been here thirty minutes, guarantee you no one’s called out to you or anyone else” <- UM???? i will throw hands. disrespect her at your own risk.

he explains that the phone is off the hook which. okay. so yeah, that would make calling difficult. but you don’t have to be a dick about it.

oh……. i see what has happened here… mrs. roberta sim is dead, and it’s a suicide. 

(was actually pretty shocked at how they just. showed her in the tub like that. damn. it was a lot)

bill is freaked tf out. “what’s going on? they’re joking about you getting a call from a dead woman” <- woah woah woah who are these first responders who have time to MAKE FUN OF SCULLY WHILE ON A CASE!???? bill, i give you permission to sic ‘em. put all that rage to good use

OH MY GOD, SHE THOUGHT THE VOICE ON THE PHONE WAS MELISSA??? 

(spooooooky intro…………)

is she going to call mulder about this, or will this be a special scully alone christmas episode that makes me weep like a baby? let’s find out!!!!

she is back at the sim house with mr. sim and detective kresge, who says there was an outgoing call around the same time scully received that mysterious message, even though the phone was out. he claims it must have been some sort of glitch. hmm... suspicious.

she cannot stop staring at this little kid, though…

at family dinner, scully must excuse herself to make a phone call. she calls mulder!!! who is running in to pick up!!! did he just get out of the shower, or did he just come inside or something, because he has a funny hat on? anyway, she doesn’t say anything, just hangs up on him once she hears his voice. 

ohh :(

she must have been trying to see if the phone was really working... so she called the number she knew by heart and the person she knew would pick up... i will cry

back at the dinner table, bill’s wife tara's baby is kicking, and she’s talking about how she can’t wait to have more children. scully looks like she is being sucker punched.

i mean it hasn’t been addressed, but i’ve assumed that she’s come to the conclusion that kids are not really on the table for her after we found mulder with all of her eggs. which is still crazy, btw. has he just been holding onto them? or did he give them to her offscreen? 

tara says this line: “i can’t help but think that life before now was somehow… less” <- OKAY THAT WAS A RUDE THING TO SAY AND YOU’RE GONNA MAKE SCULLY CRY???? LOOK AT HOW SAD SHE IS???? what the HELL???

way to sit there and straight up tell your sister-in-law her life is a boring prelude until she has kids. which she cannot have. so her life is going to be, in your words, a prelude forever. because god forbid a woman have a life without a child. or if she wants one and cannot have one, her life will be unfulfilling. tara, i get that you're in a busy space mentally rn, you are sick in the head for that.

despite tara saying something so out of pocket that i would have simply left the table, scully pulls it together with smile, gets through dinner, and starts washing the dishes. because she is a trooper.

maggie comes in and asks what is the matter. and scully LIES and says "nothing". i don’t get the impression these two are big on talking about their emotions.

but she does that mom thing where she puts her hands on her hips and scully spills; she doesn’t even have to finish the sentence and her mom understands and is hugging her, saying she’s so sorry.

OH MY GOD, SHE’S CRYING??? and her voice is wavering and she tells her it’s okay but “i just never realized how much i wanted it until i couldn’t have it” <- OH MY GOD. i knew this was coming but it still hurts.

SCULLLLYYYY WHYYYYY. the way she says she is okay, when she so clearly isn't...

so she’s stuck sleeping in this room that is going to be a nursery, which just seems insanely cruel….. 

as she drifts off into sleep, we get a flashback of baby her with her brother, saying he’s going to cook her rabbit into a stew!! not very kind. now where did she put the rabbit? is it a real rabbit or a plush friend?

it seems he is in the basement. NOOOOO, it is a real baby bunny, and she put him in a lunchbox... he died and is filled with maggots!! NOOOO. oh poor baby scully just wanted to keep her rabbit friend safe.......... :(

i would guess that this is one of her earliest memories associated with death. and now we know that bill has always been mean.

this must be some sort of traumatic experience mixed with a nightmare because she is also seeing that little girl from earlier at the sim's house… just watching her in the basement, hunting for the rabbit…. but such a terrible nightmare is interrupted by a phone ringing 

it is her cellphone at 2:30 in the morning!!!! it’s the same voice as before saying "she needs your help"!! she asks the voice why she is calling her... but is met with silence

she goes to the sim's house and explains that yet again the call was traced to their house, which he claims to have no explanation for. and mr. sim tells her to get the fuck out basically, which i understand he has had a really terrible day, but it still feels cold :/ just slamming the door on her face like that 

creepy child is watching her leave…. ominously...

detective kresge is here, and scully wants everything he has on the roberta sim case. he says there is no case, it was just a simple suicide. she says please let me see whatever it is you have, for the sake of the season. which works on him, actually. i did not think it would.

ohhhh, that is going to be a photo of her wrists in the evidence pile. again, not really pulling any punches here.

detective kresge says that there was a domestic disturbance at the house the week before; it wasn't a very happy house. and roberta sim had some medicine in her system. scully finds a photo of the daughter in her purse, which she asks to borrow. which he probably thought was weird as hell.

it seems she is going to compare it with her own family photos. there are pictures of melissa in japan as a kid, and this emily child looks identical!!! 

now she is furiously typing into a computer, looking for birth records. she cannot find any records on emily because she was adopted. so she’s calling someone from work

oh... she needs the full information from her sister’s death :( 

another flashback?? or nightmare? hard to tell. little scully is walking down to a casket at church, seeing the blood from roberta sim dripping from it.

ah, must have been a nightmare. bill wakes her up. he asks her what she’s doing and she’s sneaking about saying there is some unfinished work she has. 

detective kresge is still being a dick as she goes and asks him for more help on this case. she thinks it was a murder!!! OHHHH she slams him over the head with the chair of facts and logic: how tf could the phone be off the hook if mr. sim called the police when he found her????? checkmate.

and she DEMANDS an autopsy. queen of getting things done.

well, she is going to do that autopsy herself. and she doesn’t find any evidence of pills in roberta sim's stomach!! this dude doing the autopsy with her is also being a dick. why is everyone so mean to scully all of the time? i have said it before and i will say it again: i can throw hands

she finds a needle puncture in roberta sim's foot!!! it was meant to be overlooked. ohohoh, something is afoot here.

so they go to mr. sim’s house and he starts yelling at scully right away, saying it is her fault that he is being investigated, and what do they find but a NEEDLE!!! he claims it is for daily anemia injections for his daughter. scully lets him know that they are going to check that claim out. 

there are people out front watching her????? when she sees them, they leave. ummm.....

so she sneaks back into bill’s place at night to find the reports she ordered on melissa and the mysterious daughter emily. and the DNA tests match up perfectly!!!!

maggie enters!!!! and she asks where she was all day!!!

she tells maggie to sit down… and explains how the two sets of DNA match. 

(very dramatic fade to black as scully tells her emily is melissa’s daughter)

she is now explaining to maggie that according to the tests they ran, there is a 60% chance that melissa is emily’s mother. and it lines up with the time that melissa was running up and down the coast, and no one knew where she was!!! maggie is shocked because she is sure melissa would have told her if she was having a baby. i can imagine that this is hard to hear.

maggie isn’t listening, however, and tries to explain that scully is still connected to melissa, which is why she is projecting this child upon her... ?????????????????

(i think she is trying to be supportive of scully's grief, but also writing her off as irrational, which feels like a slap in the face. girl... she did not hallucinate the gene testing out of sadness ???)

(i am 90% sure that scully is the only one in this family that actually goes to therapy. because the reactions of her family seem to indicate this)

a flashback scene to teenage years, where young scully and melissa are shaking presents before christmas, trying to figure out what they are. OHHHH IT’S HER FAMOUS NECKLACE…. and maggie, who catches them in the act of their crime, puts it around her neck, saying it means god is with you and watching over you. but then it turns into a vision of herself. oh poor scully and her terrible flashback nightmares :(

the detective is here to see her. they found huge bank deposits from mr. sim!!! one was deposited- from his wife- after she was dead!! and they’re all coming from a pharmaceutical company!!!! this is deeply suspicious…

emily is a patient at this clinic, where they were allegedly treating her for a rare type of anemia. key word: allegedly

oh this is really juicy. mrs. sim wanted to pull her from the trial, but the pharmaceutical company made payments to keep her involved. and this doctor- dr. calderon- says he gave that medicine they found in roberta sim's system not to emily, but for mr. sims, who said he was suffering from migraines!!!

mr. sim HATES to see them coming, and he is now under arrest for REAL.

scully takes emily and puts her into her carseat. and emily grabs her necklace!!! scully looks deeply amused. 

OH MY GOD, SHE GIVES HER THE NECKLACE???? she must be really convinced that is melissa’s baby for her to part with the necklace. it means she wants god to watch over her……… she is so sad as they drive away

bill is having a navy christmas party while scully sits there sadly. bill summons her to the kitchen. he wants to know what her deal is!! 

MAGGIE TOLD BILL ABOUT HOW SHE THINKS EMILY IS MELISSA’S BABY??? mrs. scully CANNOT keep a secret to save her life omfg....

“she called you from beyond the grave to tell you that? sounds like something that partner of yours would say” <- bill, you can count your days.

“it does not matter where that phone call came from. what matters is that there is a little girl who needs my help” <- YOU TELL HIM!! she must do the right thing, always and forever

“this isn’t about any little girl, dana. it’s about you. it’s about some… emptiness, some void inside yourself that you’re trying your hardest to fill” <- okay this is it. bill, i hated you before, but if i were her, i would go no contact at this moment 

(as i edit my notes, i am all the more shocked by his cruelty and his unending ability to somehow get more patronizing when you think he has reached his peak. just a nasty guy, this bill scully. "some void inside yourself" genuinely fuck off)

“bill, i don’t expect you to understand, but i am not going to stand her and justify my…”

(her telling him off was interrupted by a phone call)

OHHH, SIM CONFESSED TO THE MURDER!!! then why did the witnesses lie about seeing him at the doctor’s office??

she leaves bill’s dumbass party to go deal with this, but the men from before who were watching her are there at sim's jail cell too!!!!

she gets out of her car and runs after them, but you cannot outrun a car… detective kresge claims those men are his lawyers, and they had to have only visited him for 10 minutes tops

OH SHIT. mr. sim tried to hang himself!!!! or did he......

scully comes back “home” to bill’s house, and he runs into her, saying he was about to go over to the neighbor's house with some cookies. she tells him that mr. sim is dead, and whoever it was that did it also framed his death as a suicide. so she must be thinking it was those guys from the car who were watching her that did it, because they had just come in to talk to him. and perhaps that those same men were responsible for the "suicide" of mrs. sim.

bill says he has to show her something. what could he possibly have at this time?????

OHHH.... it’s a photo of melissa right before the child was allegedly born, and she does not look pregnant at all. scully points out that you can have a baby without being pregnant, but bill is not having it.

oh my GOD??? he says she’s making this child into melissa’s daughter to fulfill her need? and he claims to understand, but warns that she is only going to hurt herself??

scully is a better woman than me because i would have packed my shit and left right then and there. actually, i would have left a WHILE ago. holy hell. let’s all ignore the science that the doctor did, right? because scully’s just some cRaZy gRiEVinG wOmAN!1!!1! bill honestly could not be more patronizing if he tried. that baby of his is gonna have a terrible home life.

someone is here to see her from the county to talk about the adoption (later revealed to be named chambliss). scully put in an application for adoption!!! oh my god???

chambliss says that her application isn't looking good, because she’s single, unmarried, never been in a serious relationship (and what the fuck kinda impact is that going to have on her ability to raise a child??? is one parent's love not enough?? or are they worried about her dying and emily being an orphan or something??), and in a dangerous occupation (okay, that reason actually makes sense). they’re rejecting her, and she’s crying, saying she’s questioned her priorities since she got cancer

“ever since i was a child, i’ve never allowed myself to get too close to people. i’ve avoided emotional attachment” (yeah girl we can tell…)

“perhaps i’ve been so afraid of death and dying that any connection just seemed like a bad thing. something that wouldn’t last” stop. stop i’ll cry. you love something so much and it dies anyway. like that bunny in the lunchbox.

“but i don’t feel that anymore” tears. in my eyes.

ohhhh my gosh, chambliss points out that emily would need constant supervision, that her condition is incurable, and while scully may have experience with terrible illness, she would have to relive it through the eyes of a child. and scully says she thinks she’s ready. chambliss says they’ll review her final application, and they shake hands, saying merry christmas.

so would she just??? leave the FBI?? to raise emily?? is that even possible at this point in time? or would she stay in the FBI and have to hire like the highest quality daycare of all time? i feel so bad for scully, but i don't see how this could work...

scully sits down, and is taken back to a chat with melissa years ago, before leaving for quantico. her dad is telling her that she is making a mistake, but melissa reminds her it’s not his life.

(god, her dad was mean too)

“but you know, when i started med school, it felt so right. it just seemed like that’s where i was supposed to be, and… then, by the time i graduated, i just knew it was wrong. but now the FBI feels right, and… what if that’s wrong, too?”

(and we can, and SHOULD, analyze this to hell and back. but right now i am tapped into the plot, so this might be something i come back to and write a thinkpiece on)

melissa says “there is no right or wrong. life is just a path. you follow your heart and it’ll take you where you’re supposed to go”

scully replies: “i don’t believe in fate. i think we have to choose our own path”

“well, just don’t mistake the path for what’s really important in life”

“which is what?” 

“the people you’re going to meet along the way. you don’t know who you’re going to meet when you join the FBI. you don’t know how your life is going to change…. or how you are going to change the life of others”

oh melissa... how i miss you... and she didn't know who she would meet...

ohhhh, tara wakes her up the next morning :( and it’s christmas :(

but before they can open presents, someone from the FBI is at the door with something for scully……

bill tries to sign for it and the FBI courier says no, we need dana. lmao. put him in his place.

so she opens the file and...

AND SHE TELLS THEM THAT IT SAYS SHE IS EMILY’S MOTHER????

(to be continued)

(punches wall)

okay, so i regret the words i typed earlier about me being excited for these next two episodes. WHYYYY??? why was i excited for this!!! i was a simple FOOL. i knew what was coming. and i know what is to happen next!!!

i am going to be SICK!!!! considering breaking my own rule and watching the next episode right now….. oh my gosh. wait. wait. let me try and get some more of my own thoughts out first, so that if i do go and do that, i can make them coherent….

fuck. all of them were so mean to her and she was RIGHT. everyone needs to STOP BEING MEAN TO HER. bill, i HATE YOU. maggie, you at least tried, but you SHOULD HAVE BELIEVED HER. 

man. man i cannot sit on this like i usually do. apologies, but i must continue at ONCE.

her grief………

it has been 12 hours since i watched this episode and i have somewhat gathered my thoughts. scully just feels this constant need to do the right thing, even if she doesn't know how to do it. i'm just shocked at how she was willing to drop everything and adopt this girl she thought was born to her sister, and i am shocked by the fact she remains civil with her family when they treat her like a fool. scully is by far a better person than me. but at the same time, i'm not *that* shocked, because we have always known how intense her moral compass is.

so, it was an episode where it was just scully. and while i am always deeply thankful for such an episode, it usually does come with some intense pain.

i literally cannot imagine how she must have felt hearing that she has a child she never knew about. i mean, emily was 3!! that is 3 years she was out in the world and scully had no idea!! and to have her autonomy taken from her entirely... i just cannot wrap my brain around it.

while this episode was very good, i do not think it is one i would rewatch anytime soon for sheer levels of emotion. and boy, i did in fact go ahead and watch the next one right after, something i had vowed to NEVER do, but here we are... i hope to get both of these writeups posted today so i can experience all the emotions in one weekend and then release them into the wind. except, of course, i am sure they will haunt me forever.

(melissa's love coming from beyond the grave to give her those phone calls... the ghost of christmas past... her paranormal experience leading her to family... wahhhhh)

[mara-and-its-the-same]

Now we’ve got a lil one shot on our hands. Inspired by real, recent events, here’s Manager!Steve, Coworker!Robin, and Hella Anxious!Reader. Incredibly self indulgent, but I had quite a shit day at work and I like to write my feelings. Currently I've built myself a nest on a couch and I'm listening to 1D, What a night. Putting If I Could Fly on looop. All platonic because uhhh Steve’s her boss and also work relationships weird me out. Sorry to all the requests I could be working on, you're getting this instead. Only warning is that all of this is something that happened to me Tuhday (well yesterday since *john mulaney as that one kid at a sleep over voice* It’s tomorrow now. Except I work at a pet store not a video store (though it did use to be a block buster so every time something weird happens like something falling off a shelf We call it the ghost of block buster) So yeah, graphic depiction of what a panic attack looks like for me. Yolo babes, I love you all, please be nice to your cashiers

I’m not going to try and tell myself this is good, I’m just focused on the catharsis of it <3

It was fine, it was all gonna be fine. Steve would take care of it, Robin's right there with you, it's ok.

But this woman just kept arguing. You did everything right, honestly you did, you thought you did, did you? You made a mistake, the computer didn't take off her discount, she came back, brought her receipt, you asked Robin, she got Steve, he'll take care of it. You did everything right, you kept telling yourself.

You tried keeping your focus on your own work, but the unfortunate proximity of both registers was not working in your favor. Steve on the other side of the cramped space and Robin in between you. And you had your work cut out for you, especially with the line this woman was creating.

It wasn't anyone's fault, but as soon as you called Robin over you apologized for what a hassle it was proving to be. For whatever reason the computer just would not work. And she would not stop talking.

The woman you were currently scanning out made a strange face. Fuck, fuck, not personable enough. Smile, y/n, come on. She clearly saw the look of straight despair pass your face and quickly, gently corrected herself with a shake of her head and a soft smile. "It can only get better."

With the day you've had, you hope so. "Thank you. Have a good day."

"You too, sweetheart, have a good one." What a jinx that was.

You took a deep breath and smiled, trying to fake-it-till-you-make-it with the next customer, all bright smiles and holding the contempt out of your 'Hi, how are you's. But there she was, right behind you. You could only hear bits of what she was saying, "If she needed help she should have asked for it."

"She did ask for help, I am the help." Steve has a short fuse when it comes to anyone being rude to one of his cashiers. When they get short with him, patience of a saint. With you, Robin, or anyone else? Karens never have a leg to stand on. "The computer made a mistake, we're working on it. Thank you for your patience." The fact that you could hear him getting annoyed helped too, made you feel less alone.

The line was only getting longer, your hands only shakier. You were scanning the stack of tapes when you looked back at the computer. At some point it stopped scanning but you didn't know where. So much, so much going on around you. Just everything. You tried looking back at the tapes trying to figure out which one was last. No, no more.

As soon as you turned to Robin and she saw the look on your face she caught on. Vocal chords obviously failing, you raised a trembling hand and shook your head. "Go to the back, go."

You nodded and rushed into the little corner behind the door, finding your little folding chair and pulling your knees up with your feet on the seat. Chest heaving, sucking in as much air as your body would let you. Heart hammering, you could feel it in your throat. Practically mute, you dialed the only number you could think of.

Thank god both stores just updated to caller id. "Hey, kiddo. What's up?" Joyce knew it was you. You're the only one at FV that ever calls Melvald's. The only response she got was heavy breathing and a whimpered 'm-mm' with a head shake she couldn't see. "Hey, hey, what happened?"

You stretched out in the chair, tipping your head up to hopefully breathe a little better, but still all you could manage was a hum. Joyce knew she wasn't getting an answer anytime soon. "Just focus on me hun, alright? What can you see? What can you touch?"

All you could feel was something like that time some people you can’t call friends anymore shoved your ass on one of those ferris wheels from hell, the kind with the cage and the force of it flips you backwards. The seatbelt was hardly enough to hold you down and your were flying out of the seat even on the up shoot. The bar gave you bruises that lasted for days.

That, but amped up to 11.

Tension in every muscle, shaking like a leaf, your face crumbling like one too. But at least you can talk now.

“What happened honey?”

“I don’t- I- Her discount, I don’t- I dunno,” you ended with another whimper.

“You should pull a Hopper.”

“Hmm?”

“Start tapping your finger and give her a quarter, ‘Here’s your discount.”

You huffed out a whisper of a laugh as best you could, “I don’t think that’s allowed.”

“Well it should be. You ok? Feeling better?”

“My teeth hurt.”

“What?”

You can breathe again.

“Yeah, these ones, like the bottom ones.”

“How?”

You hummed something close to ‘I don’t know’ “And like, half my face feels like pins and needles.”

“You’re alright hun, you’re ok. You’re gonna be ok. It’s not worth getting yourself worked up about, ok? You didn’t do a thing wrong.”

“Mhm”

“Good, you wanna stay on or you wanna get back to work.”

“I can go.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m ok.”

“Alright, I’ll see you later. I love you.”

“See you later, Iloveyou.”

One more deep breath and you left your sanctuary. Ready to get out there with a shaky body and nervous spirit, but ready none the less. The second you opened the door Steve was right out there, be trailed off his conversation with a customer Robin was helping with a raised finger that became the palm he held out for you. You let yourself into his side, one arm around his back and the other tucked up to your chest. “There’s always gonna be one, yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“You feelin alright?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, me and Robin are always here if you need anything. ‘cept she just left to go look for you. That lady was a bitch but you’re ok.”

“Yeah?”

“Definitely.” He pat your shoulder before letting go. You went back up to your register and pulled your shirt sleeves tighter across your crossed arms, swaying yourself back and forth. “You even got Keith on your side. There was this one time, I forget who it was but someone was being rude to Carley and he just went ‘You’re not being very nice’ and he just kept saying it. Wagging finger and everything.” He was proud of the giggle he managed from you. “You’re not being very nice,’ then he kept going. ‘I’m gonna need you to be a lot nicer.’”

“Oh you’re back,” Robin hugged you too, full body, rocking you side to side. “Better?” you nodded over her shoulder. “Good. But you know I would fight someone for you.”

“What?”

“Mhm, no they wanna play, I’m not letting anything happen to you, nu-uh, not on my watch. I got my hair up today, I’m ready to go. I couldn’t even look at her, I was bout to snap.”

“She was glaring at the back of your head.”

“What?” Robin asked on your behalf.

“Yeah, I didn’t know it was you though, I thought she was looking at Robin.”

“And she kept saying ‘She lied, she lied’ I’m like lady, what does she gain from this?”

“Nothing”

“Exactly, nothing. Steve was about to walk away as soon as she left but you just went to the back so I grabbed him by the back of the collar. Then he was like ‘Do we have a problem?’ To the guy and I was dying laughing.”

“No, now I feel bad I ran away.”

“No no, don’t worry about it, he understood.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Said she was a bitch, too.”

Steve cleared his throat and Robin kept going. “Uh oh, look like manager Steve is in the building.”

“Yeah, manager Steve has been here since 7 this morning and he’d like to leave. Robin, you’re under strict instructions, anything like that happens again, you get her out of there. Middle of a transaction, I don’t care, you get her out.”

“Ok, yeah, I can do that.”

“Good, you alright with that?”

“Mhm.”

“Good, good. You two gonna be ok if I go?” But you both know he really just meant you.

Robin looked at you and you nodded. She said yes for both of you.

“Alright, I’ll get out of your hair as soon as Keith gets here, then we can put that lady on the do not return list. Sound good?”

You both gave him thumbs up and finally the day really could only get better.

I’m tagging you guys cus I’m sad and I need people to love me since I don’t have Steve and Robin to. @sw34terw34ther @loving-and-dreaming @beezywriting @manyfandomsfanvergent @katsu28 @steveharringtonlovesme @steveharringtonsleftshoe @new-romqntics @babyrunsforfanfic

[tiredassmage]

Hear, see, and speak no evil (the monkey emojis lol) from the OC ask game?

Tyr gave me such a FIT over these, okay? Naturally, I had to bother him to be stubborn, but woof. This was a bit of a heavy one.

I feel like he needs a sticker warning about... veering a bit dangerously close to that self-sacrifice (aside, I read that back in HK's voice and now I'm just. sighs @ myself) is the answer thing, but... he doesn't quite cross that line. He just. Flirts with it. A lot. Without telling anyone else. I don't know, he's just kfnalskdfnlsaf. Keysmashing. It isn't the answer. He theoretically knows this. Theoretically.

This will not stop him from making fucking stupid decisions. Send help. For me or him? Yes.

My poor little glowstick 😔 smth smth his arresting looks and layered identity crises have captivated me, etc etc

Hear-no-evil: What is the worst thing your oc could hear from someone?

It was all a lie and you are alone.

This was the trickiest one, honestly. Tyr takes a lot not exactly on the chin, but... He’s good at… pretending he’s fine, really. He conceals. He swallows. Because it’s part of how you could survive living with the Sith watching your every move. Tyr says one of his worst fears is to lose the few people he cares about - and, to an extent, it is.

But he also spent a while without being able to fully, genuinely rely on others. He’ll fight ‘til he’s worn down to the bone to protect those people, but the inner, ‘uglier’ (I’m stumbling to find a better word) realist in him recognizes its always a possibility. Forever’s not a guarantee. Especially when your husband’s also a spy.

“We’ll take everything from you” isn’t an unfamiliar threat. Hunter made it and made all but complete good on it. I think they succeeded a bit more than Tyr will ever want to admit; the interlude period between Chapter 3 and… even as late as Shadow of Revan? Tyr doesn’t trust almost anyone. It’s hard to completely trust even someone like Vector because he did, in a sense, lose everything. It’s not that Vector got any less trustworthy and more that Tyr was painfully aware how thin the ice underneath his feet was and how dark the waves were beneath it. He’d never want to drag anyone else into that.

But a betrayal, an abandonment by the extremely few people he’s tried so hard to let in, whom he’s trusted enough to try to figure himself out in front of? That’d cut him to the core.

It's also probably worth noting that while he doesn't exactly refrain from speaking his mind all the time with Sith, there is always an apprehensive tremor that runs through him about it. Lana may be the only eventual exception because they ultimately finally find ground as equals, but that back of the mind knowledge of being undone with no power to change or stop it never leaves. Acina's scathing Intelligence should have retired you when they had the chance! from Iokath clocks quite high on the list of things that dealt way, way more damage than Tyr has ever talked about or admitted to. That was a sore one on multiple levels and, as John Mulaney says, we just don't have time to unpack all of that.

Is what Tyr maintains about it, anyway. [inhales] Boy.

See-no-evil: What's a side of your oc that they don't want to show to other people?

Alright, okay, you got me, this one was also rather difficult, largely because his “sides” aren’t that well-defined - rather nebulous and shifting like dissipating fog. And it’s different for different people - which, obvious, I suppose, but particularly complicated given how much Tyr walks a tightrope through intrigue and opposition for so long.

Ultimately though, I don’t think he really wants to share just how far he’d be willing to go - the risks and compromises he is willing to put himself through. He doesn’t shy away from this, per se - I have written him practically verbatim telling Malavai Quinn he’d tear the Empire down to the foundations with his bare hands if that’s what it takes (and a 'same scenario, different take' version where he admits basically the same to Vector; one day maybe I'll finish either of them, F). But saying it and enacting it in front of these few souls who care so much for him, have come so far at his side are two drastically different things.

It won’t necessarily be enough to stop him, I don’t think. He still can’t see it, won’t admit it, but Tyr is dreadfully dedicated to his ideals at times. And he’s willing to wade through blood and plasma bolts to get there if he needs to. Ideals they may be, but this world has never been spotlessly idealistic. That makes him no less willing to fight for it though.

He doesn’t even quite acknowledge this as much as he maybe should to himself. Just another part of Cipher Nine, mayhap, that he won’t dare to wake until he’s necessary.

Speak-no-evil: What is something your oc will refuse to remain quiet about?

Haha, maybe all of this was just building to this kanfdlkadnslf!

Alright. Boy’s really keen to talk back to their pretentious Sith overlords about the value of mere “pawns” like himself, no matter that it continues to kind of genuinely startle him probably… until he has to deal with Valkorian on a daily basis and it finally wears the edge off (because that shit’s gotta be exhausting, what energy is left over to worry about the consequences?).

Because while he talks back somewhat often for an operative that’s all too well aware that they’re living and serving on borrowed graces and he wouldn’t change this, necessarily, he still knows a little too consciously that he’s playing with fire. He just… continues to choose to do so. To say it’s because he knows his work is necessary overstates his confidence of his position. He’s really not that confident about it. It’s just… he’s tired? Tired of trying to please while trapped in the constraints of a web. The Dark Council’s already proven they don’t trust his judgement or his loyalties and that’s what gives him a reason to genuinely question those loyalties so far as to actually break them.

The way he sees it is kind of that he’s already been a target. He has just enough of a reputation to turn heads when he speaks up, so he can’t, in whatever good conscious may be left to him, stand by silently. It happens with Lord Razer, it happens on Makeb when he talks the mission over with Darth Marr, and it, in a sense, happens on the Dominator against Darth Jadus. It definitely happens with Lana on Rishi. If there’s a single consistency to Tyr, it’s that he stands by people he cares about even a little - no matter how fucking blind he is to that quality. He’s been around the Empire long enough to know more than enough about what it’s like to be thought of as a means to an end first and anything else - friend, citizen, ally, what have you - second. That’s not acceptable to him. He’s not a spy or a soldier to spread fear and destruction. That is the cursed domain of the Sith. He signed on to look after things - people. And if they’re not doing that, then the system’s gone wrong. That’s supposed to be their jobs, their purpose. And his passion for that will always overrule any apprehensive notion of self-preservation in the face of a loosened Sith lord. Because if he doesn’t stand ground there, who will? How do you change the precedent if you’re not willing to make that change?

So, really, in short... double-edged character traits and Tyr, I guess. x,D He fascinates me. I love him. I pity him. I want him to get better and I'm going to watch him possibly get worse akldnfldsanfsdf. He's got such a Pandora's Box thing going on and idk if any of us are ready for him to actually recognize that, ignorance might genuinely be bliss klfdsalkn; or at least... maybe a little less emotionally damaging. If still potentially incredibly self-destructive. Stars help him.

[loveletterworm]

Just got back from spiders movie my semi-immediate thoughts: (spoilers presumably if this matters to you the movie has been out for a while i'm quite late)

First half(?) or so was great, started feeling a little weak once it got to the part where it was like "There's a dimension where there's a million spidermans and here's an extended explanation of the mechanics of the multiverse!!" and I was like "Oh no I just realized I've been tricked into watching a marvel movie", also kind of expected the movie to um. End. because i didn't go in knowing this was supposed to be a part 1 and 2 sort of deal. but that does explain some things that had been perplexing me throughout "Why has the main villain apparently disappeared from the film partway through and why is there now just a bunch of unrelated conflicts being set up". I did like the elaborating an arbitrary background joke from the first movie into this entire important character that's a funny trick. And it was very funny when there was a serious dramatic flashback voiceover in a serious scene of the cartoon pig voiced by John Mulaney.

overall i think i would still prefer the first one (even though i have not seen it in forever i thought about watching it again before i saw this but i didn't get around to it because the plans were made somewhat suddenly) because it felt more self-contained and much less like it was teetering on the brink of asking me to do Marvel Comics Homework like every other damn marvel movie but i guess that was because they didn't know for sure they could get a sequel with that one while in this one they apparently made both movies at the same time (Like back to the future parts 2 and 3…) according to my brother who is an expert on this sort of thing

[maiverie]

screaming cryibg throwing up i feel VALIDATED i have this horrific habit of just absolutely wordvomiting information onto people (my best friend happens to be prime victim to this) so having a place where it is welcomed appeases the autism very much thank u 🥺🥺🥺 i honestly just type the way i speak and i like to believe i have a more colorful and animated manner of speaking (have been told i sound like john mulaney on multiple occasions, not sure whether this is intended as an insult or compliment but i think it's pretty accurate nonetheless)

i have SOOOOO many vpop recs, liz kim cương just dropped a new single recently and i couldn't stop screaming about it for DAYS and hoàng yến chibi also came out with a new song a couple days ago and so did the group luvlike, all my women are coming back what a great pride month for my little sapphic brain 🥳 i have like an 11 hour spotify playlist of JUST vpop music, unfortunately some of it has since been region locked due to international copyright laws (curse living in the states 🤬) but for the most part it's playable and activates the little neurons in my head, i always put it on while baking something and then have to stop and groove because i mean who can resist busting it down to anh ơi anh à by lip b ESPECIALLY when you dedicated 2 hours to learning the choreo ><

if you want a proper recommendation i think you should check out amee and her album called dreamee, it's very soft and cute easy-listening music and she's got the most adorable voice aaaaaa!

- 🧀

DHSFHSDHD PLEASEEE I love word vomit <3 and oh my gosh! I can totally picture that?? I just know you're a really fun conversationalist irl; someone that always has something to talk about which I find to be just the most amazing gift ever 😭 and omg I was like "who tf is john mulaney" and then I googled him and:: I GET IT. AHHFDSHA OMG I feel like I haven't seen him around for so long now ? ?? DEFINITELY A COMPLIMENT 🫶

okay brb I'm going to make a whole playlist with all your recs ahsdhsha THANK YOU SO MUCH <3333 and oooh you're from the states! that's so cool; I've never been anywhere nearby but I was saying to a moot a while back that the US (for context, she also lives there) doesn't even feel like a real place to me bc idk how the heck u guys have so many states; like,,,, 50??? we have like 6 😭 but ne ways omg you seem like you have sm hobbies ?? baking and dancing?? SLAY

oof you're ON POINT I do love amee!!! her voice is soooo lovely like ugh you honestly can't go wrong w her HASDHSH

[princessofgayskull]

🌻

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Psycomedian

Okay, so not only is this episode going to focus on comedy, something that has always been one of Miraculous Ladybug's weaker aspects, but a celebrity guest star gets to be the Akuma for the week. Doesn't that sound fun? Surprisingly, yes, kind of?

Let's get into the twenty-second (chronologically the fifth) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Psycomedian

We start off with Marinette talking with her friends about all the times she's failed to confess her feelings to Adrien, where we get a little highlight reel of some of the times she's embarrassed herself in front of Adrien while the writers, I mean Mylene, tries to reassure the audience, I mean Marinette, that she and Adrien have made progress and are friends, even though they barely hang out together.

Marinette comes up with a plan to change the way Adrien sees her as “more than the funny friend”, referring to the events of “The Puppeteer 2”, where the clip featured had her and Adrien talk about they should stop pulling pranks on each other... even though Adrien was the one who tried to prank Marinette by pretending to be a statue, and Marinette only acted like she was pranking Adrien back to justify her creepy behavior around him while she thought he was just a statue. This has got to be one of the flimsiest excuses for an episode, and given the plotlines this show has, that's saying something.

Alya tries to reassure Marinette to be herself, though with the way she phrases it, I wouldn't be surprised if you saw it as her subtly insulting Marinette instead.

“I know you're super insecure about how Adrien sees you, but can't you see the flaws you're ashamed of are what make you who you are?”

Nearby, Adrien's friend Nino is showing him a video of standup comedian Harry Clown, voiced by real life French comedian Franck Dubosc.

While I made a joke about it at the end of my last review, I don't think all celebrity guest stars in cartoons are inherently bad, as there have been a lot of standup comedians with great roles in children's media, like Howie Mandel and Weird Al Yankovic in Bobby's World and Milo Murphy's Law respectively. What I think made those shows work more was that they didn't really rely too much on the image of the comedians in the leading roles (although Mandel did appear at the beginning of every episode of Bobby's World and also voiced Bobby's dad), and focused more on the characters they played, trusting them to be entertaining in their own right. The Genie in Aladdin is another good example, as Robin Williams' energetic and upbeat performance was perfect for a character as eccentric as him. I'm going to talk about this more when I review “Penalteam”, but these characters and shows work more because you don't have to know who someone like Weird Al is in order to enjoy a show like Milo Murphy's Law.

The problem here is that Harry is clearly based off a real person, therefore, a lot of kids won't get who he is. In addition, despite being a standup comedian, the jokes don't really match up with the kind of jokes you're used to seeing from those kind of entertainers. While I haven't been able to find a lot of Franck Dubosc's routines with English subtitles, his delivery is pretty good, as is his performance in this episode, but a lot of the “jokes” he tells are either standard puns or just random things he says peppered by him honking the clown nose he wears/pretending to honk a clown nose when he isn't wearing it.

What, did adding “Bazinga!” to the end of every joke not go well with test audiences?

Standup comedy is about overdramatizing everyday life by telling stories about fairly mundane subjects and making jokes about them. When you get down to it, a lot of John Mulaney's most memorable routines are about things that happened to him, like the Stranger Danger seminars his elementary school had, a party he went to in high school, or his experiences trying to get a flight at an airport, but the way he describes them are done in such an energetic way, they become hilarious to watch. Hell, one of my favorite George Carlin bits is just him explaining the etymology of the term post-traumatic stress disorder.

Here, the jokes don't really feel like they're coming from a standup comedian, and while I understand comedy is subjective, the jokes Harry Clown makes here just aren't that funny in my opinion.

And then there's the fact that Adrien didn't find the sock joke funny, when a lot of the jokes he makes as Cat Noir are puns. Instead, while Nino was showing Adrien the video, Adrien laughed at Marinette making some erratic movements while describing her fantasies to be with him. Once again, this isn't exactly the high praise the writers think it is. While Marinette is making Adrien laugh, it's not intentional, and they're playing up Adrien laughing at Marinette's eccentric behavior as a good thing.

Marinette sees Adrien laughing, not knowing he's laughing at her, decides to come up with a way to make Adrien fall in love with her by making him laugh. Ah, going for the Roger Rabbit approach, I see.

Apparently, Harry Clown is a regular at the bakery Marinette's parents own, so she rushes over there to meet up with him while he buys a baguette. Harry figures out Marinette has a crush on Adrien, and reveals he and Gabriel actually go back, as Gabriel designed a French fry costume for his first movie.

Ah, yes, my favorite superhero: Artery Clogger.

Harry promises to give Marinette and Adrien tickets to his latest show, and goes over to Gabriel to offer Adrien a role in his latest movie, where “Super Fry” has to save the world with the help of “Camembert Justice” and “Wonder Potato”. Despite the strange premise and Harry honking his nose while explaining it like one of his jokes, it's supposed to be a serious movie. So is he going the Man of Steel route or the Titans route? While Gabriel seems to be okay with the script as long as the movie gets produced, he has a feeling nobody will actually take this guy seriously.

After happily running out of Gabriel's mansion, Harry and Marinette go over some jokes based off the former's routines, leading to Marinette performing prop comedy in front of Adrien.

Unless you've got Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot hiding in your purse with Tikki, I'm not interested. While Marinette keeps making Lucille Ball and Betty White cry from Heaven with her abysmal performance, Harry gets a call from the only agent in Paris, Bob Roth, and has to get there as soon as possible. While presenting his script to him, I know this might break your suspension of disbelief but Bob can't see how dramatic the standup comedian's movie about a talking french fry really is, and just sees it as a comedy. Is this another jab at the fans who supposedly underestimate the depths of this show? Bob makes a good point that Harry is a comedian at heart and a movie as dramatic as this is a real risk and probably won't bring in a lot of money. Then Harry says his dream was to be a superhero like the French fry and Bob laughs off his dream before tearing up his script, leaving him heartbroken and unable to console an upset Marinette. Right before he goes on stage for his show, Shadowmoth akumatizes him into Psycomedian

Psycomedian himself is... okay.  The design reminds me a lot of Reverser from Season 2 with the use of black and white, only with a red cloak for some reason. I like the emblem being a mix of the classic comedy and tragedy masks. As for his powers, because Harry wanted to make people feel more emotions other than joy, Psycomedian has the ability to force people who look at him to feel the emotion reflected on his mask whenever he squeaks his nose, also like Reverser, but with a wider range.

Gee, where have I seen that before?

Adrien quickly ducks out to transform into Cat Noir, right after making one of the only funny jokes in this entire episode.

Marinette transforms into Ladybug as well and soon meets up with Cat Noir, quickly figuring out they can't look directly at Psycomedian. After retreating into a safe place, Ladybug summons her Lucky Charm, a makeup kit. She plans to apply makeup to her eyelids to make it seem like her eyes are open, and lures Psycomedian into a trap. She takes his clown nose, believing it to be where the Akuma is, and gives it to Cat Noir to Cataclysm. However, the Akuma is actually in his fanny pack, where he takes out a new nose and uses his power on Ladybug.

Rather than making her cry like he tried to do earlier, Psycomedian thinks it's better to make Ladybug angrier than the Incredible Hulk after stubbing his toe. Ladybug is now far more aggressive and doesn't even care if civilians get hurt in the crossfire, so Cat Noir has to retreat with Ladybug once again. Admittedly, I like this twist, as it's a different take on the usual formula where this time, Cat Noir has to be the brains of the two while Ladybug is handicapped by the Akuma. They go to the sewers to recharge, and after Ladybug is still literally too angry to die, Cat Noir has to restrain her in some kind of rug while they search for the Akuma, but temporarily lets her go to use her Lucky Charm, which gives her a motorcycle helmet... which she immediately breaks.

But I thought being simple was good! Wasn't that the point of Thomas Astruc's magnum opus, “Simpleman”?

While Psycomedian goes to see if Bob still wants to make the serious movie he originally proposed, Ladybug uses Cat Noir's belt as a blindfold while she steals another motorcycle helmet. Cat Noir uses some makeup lying around to paint over said motorcycle helmet in order to blind Psycomedian before Cataclysming him. Again, I like how Cat Noir figured out what to do, and I really wish we got more episodes like this.

Ladybug de-evilizes the Akuma, uses Miraculous Ladybug to fix the damage, gives Harry a Magical Charm, and Cat Noir says the obvious and tells Harry to get a new producer after Bob turns down his revised idea for his movie,

Marinette goes to apologize to Adrien for her behavior, and Adrien clarifies he was laughing at her earlier, which again, she's cool with for some reason. And so the episode ends with a rare example of Marinette talking to Adrien before they see Harry go on stage again.

Surprisingly, putting aside the first act, this episode wasn't all that bad. Admittedly, for a comedy episode, there were barely any jokes that I found actually funny, and even the ones I liked like Adrien's dark humor comment only mustered a light “Heh.” from me. While the Akuma was more of a repeat, the way the powers worked made the fights more interesting because they couldn't look at him, even if Ladybug suddenly became Daredevil at the end with how she perfectly managed to parry Psycomedian's punches. And again, I liked the idea of Cat Noir being the one to stop Psycomedian with the helmet, even if he didn't have to paint it, just put it on Psycomedian backwards so he still can't see.

Angry Ladybug was also a really enjoyable part of the episode and it was nice to see Cat Noir play the straight man in their partnership for once. But like with him doing more to save the day, I really think this episode should have been a learning experience for Adrien. He could have learned how reckless he was as Cat Noir after seeing how reckless Ladybug is under Psycomedian's influence, but instead, he became just as angry as she did in later episodes (Sentibubbler, Kuro Neko).

But I still had problems with how Franck Dubosc was utilized for his guest appearance. I already talked about how I think his jokes aren't that funny and not like an actual standup comedian, but the whole movie idea was just really confusing. On the one hand, I like how this is a representation of actors being typecast into certain roles, but on the other hand, it's hard to really take his movie idea seriously because we know so little about it other than it being about talking food and that he makes quips about it. I think if we knew more about it like a better description of the emotional scenes or if maybe the hero was clown-themed like a heroic version of the Joker, Harry's akumatiztion would be better in my opinion.

I was honestly expecting this to be a real bad episode, one of the more frustrating and least funny with tons of Unfunny Marinette Slapstick, but I was surprised to see the Marinette humiliation only last for the first act, and it was mostly a single scene that wasn't even that cringeworthy. Even after she made a fool of herself in front of Adrien, her feelings are taken seriously. When she cries, it's framed as a serious moment. I was surprised that Psycomedian didn't make her sobbing constantly to ruin the drama of that one scene. While I don't get why the writers think Adrien laughing at Marinette's weird behavior is a good thing, especially since we've rarely seen him laugh around her whenever she does stuff like this (Mr. Pigeon 72, Simpleman), I still liked the resolution for how straightforward the conversation was, and other than a simple gag of her gushing over sitting next to Adrien. If we got more scenes like this this season, ones where Marinette and Adrien got to talk more as people, I'd have an easier time believing Adrien when he calls Marinette one of his best friends in “Ephemeral”.

But overall, while it was heavily flawed, I still thought this episode was decent, and given the other episodes I've seen, I'll take decent any day.

For my next review, I'm going to take a look at “Qilin” next for two reasons. 1) Since it leads into the season finale, I want to take a look at “Penalteam” before the last two episodes air, and 2) I would rather take a look at Miraculous Ladybug's attempt to do a racism episode before I have to watch “Penalteam” again for the review.

[nugnthopkns]

i’ll tell you i was wrong if you dance with me

word count: 3.3k

warnings: explicit fem!reader, slightly unhealthy relationship moment (lack of communication), mention of infidelity, cursing, alcohol consumption, a fair bit of angst

recommended listening: fred astaire | adam brock

a/n: communicate with your partners!!! also yeah this is the song from lady bird. it’s a banger

This seriously isn’t happening. 

You never fight with Travis. Communication comes easy between the two of you, but you also make it a priority to talk about your feelings. It keeps things from boiling over; both of you are known to unleash wicked tempers on occasion and have found being direct stops issues from occuring. Arguments still occasionally happen, but they’re typically over trivial things like what movie to watch or where you’re spending the holidays. Travis apparently forgot about the fact you talk to each other about things. 

He’d been upset when he came home from practice, but you were pretty sure he was fine after he woke up from his pre-game nap. Knowing he’s a superstitious person and has a lot of pressure on him to put up points, you had made the choice not to ask about what was bothering him. Throwing off his routine could have detrimental consequences. Tonight's game is tighter than it should have been, but the Flyers come out on top. Travis spends a bit more time in the penalty box than you would have liked, but everyone was getting chippy by the start of the third period. Claude tries to talk to him on the bench but he gets shut down. Whatever Travis was upset about before is still clearly bothering him, and it’s affecting his game. 

You’re following Travis home from the game, and can tell he’s uptight from the way he’s gripping the steering wheel. As you wind through downtown Philadelphia you try and prepare yourself for any bomb that could drop. Chances are that when you reach your apartment things will explode. Maybe it’s nothing; Travis is fine and just wants to be a responsible driver for once. You pull into the free spot beside his car and see him walking towards the elevator, suit jacket balled up and tucked under his arm. This won’t be good. Trying to buy yourself some time, you take the stairs. Seven flights later you arrive outside your door; he left it unlocked, which gives you a sliver of hope things will be fine. 

“Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” you call into the darkness of the apartment. Your sneakers are left at the door and to retreat towards the bedroom, looking for a sign of life. You find one in the bathroom: the light is on. A gentle push on the door reveals your boyfriend is in the shower and ignoring you. 

“Trav?”

“Yeah,” he huffs, words muffled by him tossing his head back to rinse the shampoo of his hair. Apparently the shower isn’t as relaxing as he had hoped. 

You don’t bother to tread lightly, upset that he’s acting like a child. “You’re being an asshole. I get that you had a bad day, but you can’t take it out on me. I just want to help.”

Travis turns the water off suddenly. “Can’t help if you’re the problem,” he scoffs. 

His statement doesn’t make sense. You’ve done nothing out of the ordinary the past couple of days; nothing that would warrant the behaviour you’re receiving. “What do you mean?”

Shouldering passed you to exit the room, Travis doesn’t bother to respond. You’re beyond frustrated: partners in healthy relationships communicate, not show emotions like grade schoolers. “You’re not giving me the fucking silent treatment Travis. You gotta talk to me.” The bedroom is dark when you enter and you flick the overhead light on to see better.

“You really don’t know?”

“Of course I don’t know,” you seethe. “If I did know we wouldn’t be in this predicament because we’d be solving the issue.”

The glare you receive is sharp enough to cut stone. He pulls on a t-shirt, anger clear in the aggression he does it with. “Why did I have to find out from Carter that you’ve been getting coffee with your TA?”

You’re shocked. In no way is it what he thinks it is. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you sigh, upset that Travis would take someone else’s words at face value and not talk to you about it. 

“I’m dead fucking serious Y/N. You preach communication, but it looks as though you’re the one who hasn’t been doing enough talking.”

The room around you starts to spin. You can’t comprehend what he’s insinuating. “Wait, you think I’m cheating on you?” you ask. There has been a gross miscommunication error somewhere; never in a million years would you think of having an affair.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well what the fuck did you say?”

Travis tugs at the roots of his hair in frustration. He doesn’t answer immediately, pacing the length of the bed a few times. “I just–” he struggles to articulate his words. “I just said that you’re being a bit hypocritical, don’t you think? You’re standing here yelling at me because I didn’t voice my concerns, but you haven’t been talking to me about what’s going on in your life.” Travis’ tone is sharp, and it stings. 

It’s your turn to show how upset you are. Your hands curl into fists at your side, and you squeeze your nails into your palms before releasing them. “I do tell you what goes on in my life Travis,” your breathing ragged as you try to not lose your cool. “I ran into my TA at the coffee shop yesterday, and he paid for my drink because my card wouldn’t work. Didn’t think it was breaking news, sorry I don’t send you every single fucking life update that happens. What’s gotten into you?”

“You could have been cheating!” 

“But I wasn’t!” you scream, no longing caring about keeping up appearances. You can’t believe Travis would think that. It hurts. “And I never would! You know this”

He turns his back to you, like it pains him to look at you, but you don’t understand why. You're not the one suggesting infidelity. “That’s it? That’s all you’ve got to say?” he seethes. 

“That’s all there is to say! There’s nothing to explain, no secret to uncover. I’m not in the wrong here.”

“And you think I am?”

You look at Travis like he has three heads. “Are you serious? You’re the one who’s so fucking upset over a situation that could have happened to literally anyone.” Your tone suggests that you’re exhausted with the conversation, and Travis gets the hint. 

He slinks towards the door, still visibly angry. “I’ll take the couch tonight,” he grits out before tightly gripping the doorknob and shutting the door with more force than needed. 

The bed doesn’t look appealing, full of much happier memories, but fighting with Travis has knocked any and all energy out of you. You gingerly pull back the covers and slip underneath. Tears trickle down your cheek as you toss and turn, trying to fall into some sort of slumber. However, your mind has other ideas, replaying the blowout. You can’t begin to understand why Travis is so bothered by the instance, and more importantly why it caused him to disregard a fundamental part of your relationship. There’s little movement from beyond the door, but you can hear the faint noise of a Johnny Cash record playing from the speakers in the living room. After hours of staring at the ceiling your eyes close and a fitful sleep follows. 

You might have gotten nine hours of sleep, but you wake up feeling exhausted. Fighting with anyone drains you, but fighting with Travis is especially terrible because it rarely happens. There doesn’t seem to be any movement from the other side of the door; maybe he’s still asleep. You refrain from heading into the kitchen, unsure of what will happen if you see him. After nearly twenty minutes you can’t wait any longer to start your day and pad into the main living space. It’s empty: no sign that Travis has been there for many hours. Guess you don’t have to immediately deal with the fallout of last night. 

A post-it note is tacked onto the fridge handle and your heart skips a beat. In Travis’ chicken scratch it reads I’ll see you at the gala tonight. We’ve got media all day and I won’t be back in time for us to go together. There’s no mention of the fight, and you can’t judge from a two sentence note whether or not he’s still pissed off. 

“Fuck,” you groan. “The gala.” Tonight’s the annual Flyers Give Back gala, and you’re expected to be in attendance. It’s not even a charity event; the organization is offering a chance for business men to chat up the players in hopes they continue to donate. You find things like these unbearable and tedious, but Travis does his best to make them enjoyable. Not knowing what page you’re on with him is going to be terrible. There’s a pretty good chance he’ll ignore you if he’s still upset. 

As if someone is reading your mind, the better halves group chat starts to explode. Everyone is chattering excitedly about tonight, and under normal circumstances you’d be excited to see them in such a relaxed setting. It’s been a while you’ve all hung out, but you can’t find yourself to contribute to the conversation. You mute the notifications and do your best to move on with your day. The rest of the morning is spent working on your thesis; mind numbing work that almost makes you forget about everything that happened in the past twenty-four hours. Once you’ve hit an acceptable word count for the day you shutdown your computer and make lunch. 

The grilled cheese sandwich you eat while watching a John Mulaney comedy special fulfills your appetite but doesn’t curb your dread. You decide to call your sister, hoping she can be a welcome distraction. Dialling her number you sink further into the couch cushions, wrapping yourself tightly with a blanket so that only your head is poking out. “What’s up?” she asks, and you hear her shuffle in the background, presumably to move somewhere more private. It isn’t normal for you to call her unannounced. 

You hold it together for approximately two seconds. The tears start and they don’t stop. Every emotion you’ve felt since getting home last night comes to the surface, and before you know it you’re sobbing into the receiver. 

“Woah, slow down,” she says. “Y/N, take some deep breaths.” When your breathing returns to a somewhat regular level she continues speaking. “What happened?”

It takes you nearly twenty minutes to tell the whole story because you’re so distraught. No detail is spared, and you go back much farther than is probably needed. You recount what happened after yesterday’s practice, pretty much the entire game, and the fight that followed. “I just don’t know what brought this on,” you sniffle. “We don’t fight, we talk about things. I’m not sure if I’m more upset at what he insinuated or at the fact he broke a cardinal rule.”

Your sister sighs, and you hear her breath fan in slight annoyance. You’re worked up about something kinda stupid, you know, but you can’t let it slide. “It’s probably a bit of both. So, what are you going to do?”

“What can I do? I know that we need to talk about what happened, but a public event is not the best place to do that. I also can’t not show up or ask Trav to ditch in order to figure this out. We have to be there.”

“Sounds like you’ve got it figured out then.”

You really don’t. “What happens if he ignores me the entire night?”

She laughs and tells you to not to anything stupid, and to take your mind off of things tells you a story about your nephew eating dirt. It does the trick; you’re momentarily distracted and forget about Travis. You talk for a while longer before she has to go. “Miles is crying, will you be okay if I let you go?”

It’s your turn to laugh. “I’ll be fine,” you insist. A glance at the clock tells you it’s time to start getting ready. “I’ve gotta shower and start the process. Beauty is time consuming you know.”

Against your better judgement you open your text messages to see if there’s anything from Travis. His text thread is the same as it was yesterday and you’re disappointed. You had hoped that maybe he’d get bored between interviews and check in. With no new notifications you exit out of the application and pull up a playlist you hope will brighten your mood. The steam from the shower relaxes your tense muscles and warms you up. It’s comforting in the way a cocoon is; you practically have to drag yourself out of the bathtub. 

Your bedroom is cold and doesn’t offer the same respite as the bathroom. The music continues to float in from the hallway, and you allow yourself to get lost in it. It’s been a while since you danced around your room; it worked to cure sadness when you were a teenager. Hopefully the magic hasn’t worn off. You flail your arms, not caring how silly you look since no one is here to see you anyways, and scream along at the top of your lungs. After a few songs you feel better and return to the task at hand. The dress code is labelled as ‘black tie’ on the invitation, but that isn’t what you’re worried about. You own a million dresses for situations like this after being with Travis for so long. You don’t know what he packed to wear, and there’s a decent chance you’ll be pushed together for photos. Clashing colours will look terrible.

A quick glance through his side of the closest leaves you no clues, so you decide to be as literal as possible. Black is a flattering colour and works well with every colour combination. There’s a jumpsuit hanging in the back that catches your eye and you think it’s the perfect choice. After pulling it on you move back into the bathroom to do your hair and makeup. Everything is natural and relaxed; once again for the sake of potential photos. The clock strikes on the hour and you realize it’s time to leave. A pair of heels are slipped on and you order an Uber before locking the apartment and heading to the lobby. You had thought about driving yourself, but on the occasion that things don’t end well with Travis you’ll probably have more than a couple of drinks. 

The entire way to the venue your leg bounces up and down. It’s been years since you’ve been this nervous about being around the team. You’ve been with Travis for a few seasons now, and the organization has become a second family to you. No one is going to know about the fight and you worry they’re going to talk about your solo arrival. The outside of the convention centre is sharply decorated, and your driver lets out a low whistle at the extravagance of it all. “Thank you so much,” you gush, and exit the car. Thankfully no photographers are set up outside, and you dart inside without being seen. 

Once in the main event space, you scan for the bar. There’s no sign of Travis, which should make you more relaxed but doesn’t. What if there was an accident on the way to the venue? You have no idea where he was all or who he came with. Overthinking distracts you from your original goal, leaving you standing aimlessly in the middle of the room. 

“You look like you might need one of these,” Ryanne chuckles, handing you a champagne flute. You gladly accept and down it in two gulps. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, eyes scanning to see if your boyfriend has made an appearance. 

She sees right through your facade of calm and wraps you in a tight hug. “What’s going on?”

For a second time today you explain what happened last night. There’s no judgement from Ryanne as there might have been from your sister because she understands. Dating a professional athlete isn’t easy; things like this happen much more frequently than you’d expect. Perhaps it’s all the time spent apart that makes the occasional lapse in communication so apparent. She listens quietly, full attention on you. To your credit you don’t cry this time, slightly more numb to the situation to due more time passing. It still hurts a tremendous amount. 

“He’ll come around,” Ryanne insists. “TK is a little moronic sometimes, but he’d never jeopardize his relationship with you. You’re quite literally the most important thing in his life.”

 “I know. I’m just upset because the whole thing could have been avoided.”

She offers you a sympathetic smile. “I know.” Ryanne links her arm through yours. “Let’s go find something to snack on.”

You spend most of the night with Ryanne, and occasionally Claude when he can get away from the hot-shot businessmen. Travis eventually came in, flanked by Nolan, but was immediately pulled into the politics of the night. The two of you occasionally sneak glances at each other and you tell he’s uncomfortable. You can only hope it isn’t because of your presence. It’s nearing eleven; the party has become a much more relaxed affair, and the DJ is playing sappy love songs in an attempt to get the media team some good photo ops. An intern asks the Giroux’s if they’ll dance for an instagram story and they both look hesitant. “Go on guys, I’ll be fine,” you reassure. It’s the subtle push they need to enjoy a quiet moment together. 

As if he can sense you’re lonely and feel out of place, Travis approaches you. It’s tentative, like he’s petrified you’ll turn him away, but he comes regardless. Drinks are in each of his hands and he extends one to you. When you don’t take it he sets it on the table behind you. “Hi,” he says sheepishly, fiddling with something in his pocket. 

“Hi Travis.” You’re determined not to let his presence crack your resolve; last night illuminated a big issue and it needed to be dealt with. It’s proving to be difficult because he bumps a shoulder against yours and all you can think of is kissing him senseless. 

The song changes to a Bruce Springsteen ballad, and you recognize it instantly. It played at the coffee shop on your first date with Travis all those years ago. One look at him tells you this isn’t an accident, that he had requested it specifically for the two of you. “Dance with me?”

You sigh deeply, looking him in the eyes. “Trav, this isn’t going to magically fix things.”

“I know, baby, I know,” he pleads. “I fucked up so bad last night because I was being an idiot. I wrote down everything I would do differently if I had a time machine, look.” A hand reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a piece of paper filled with his nearly illegible print. “Just one dance, and then we can go home and talk about it like I should have suggested in the first place. Let me know we’re still okay.”

If you hadn’t been in public you’re sure Travis would have been in tears. It’s not necessarily a good look to cry in front of hundreds of sponsors. He has a reputation as the goofy boy who takes no shit to uphold. “You have a lot of talking ahead of you,” you say, and let him drag you onto the dance floor. Swaying in his arms you realize things are going to be just fine. Travis loves you and you love him; there’s nothing the two of you can’t work through. 

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

taglist: @jamiedrysdales​ @kiedhara​ @tortito​ if you want to be added shoot me an ask :)

[5-seconds-of-bucky]

You Are In Love

A/N: Very much based off the song You Are In Love by Taylor Swift, but I don’t know if this classifies as a song fic?? Anyways, here ya go! (Extra points if you can spot the very vague John Mulaney reference)

Summery: In the end, you’re always glad you married each other

Word count: 2.6k+

Warnings: A touch of angst, mild swearing

“Mind if I steal my wife?” Shawn asked the girls standing around you. 

“Ooh, Y/N, looks like someone likes you,” you maid of honor said in a sing-songy voice. 

“Really? Is he cute?” You all laughed as you excused yourself. 

“Where are we going?” you giggled as he tugged you through the sea of tables. 

He stopped abruptly and you almost crashed into him, placing a hand on his suit clad bicep to steady yourself. “Nowhere in particular,” he said with a smile. 

You eyed him suspiciously and he winked in return, taking your hand off his bicep and kissing it before turning around and tugging you forward again. He didn’t stop until you reached a corner in the gigantic room, pulling you in close and swaying slightly to the faint music. 

“We haven’t really had a moment to ourselves tonight,” he commented as you stood there. 

He wasn’t wrong. You tried to keep the guest list down for the celebration, but that’s a hard task when it comes to a wedding. Everyone wanted to talk to you, and it felt like there was barely any time for you to just be with each other. 

“We have to interact with our guests, my dear,” you said as you looked up at him. “We can’t invite them and then completely ignore them.”

“Well yeah, but it’s our wedding. Emphasis on our.” 

“We have all the time in the world.” 

You smile alone could’ve made him melt on the spot. He’d known for a long time that you were the one, but every time you smiled made him even more positive that statement. 

“That we do, however, we only get one wedding day.” 

It was cliche to say, but everything truly was perfect. From the moment he saw you in the white dress to the moment he pulled you into this dimily light corner away from the rest of the party, everything was pure bliss. 

You shook your head, a genuine smile on your face. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

There was silence for a minute; nothing needed to be said. It was you and your husband against the world. 

You were glad you married each other. 

--- 

You yawned as you glanced at the clock. 11:48. You wanted to go to bed so bad, but Shawn made you promise you’d stay up until he got out of the shower. He didn’t tell you why but you assumed he wanted to go out and do something. 

It was one of his favorite things to do while you were with him on tour. He loved his team, but sometimes he wanted to go places without anyone else around. With less people on the streets his fame was irrelevant: he was just some guy walking around with his wife late at night.

Your thoughts were interrupted when Shawn walked out of the bathroom, using a towel to dry his hair. He grinned when he saw you half asleep on the bed, and you couldn’t help but smile back. He silently went to his suitcase and tossed a hoodie to you before grabbing one for himself and tossing his towel in the bathroom. 

“Where are we going?” you asked as you took his hand and he led you out of the room. 

“Don’t know yet,” he shrugged, pressing the button for the elevator. “We’ll know when we see it.” 

You gave him a questioning look. “We’re not going to get lost, are we?” 

“Pssh, I would never get us lost.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Uh huh. What about-” 

The ding of the elevator interrupted you and Shawn dragged you in behind him, pulling you into a bone crushing hug. 

“That’s irrelevant.” 

“But-”

He used a hand to push your face into his chest. “Irrelevant!” 

You sighed and hugged him back, too tired to fight back. 

“I think the first thing we’re going to do is get you some caffeine,” he chuckled, loosening his grip the slightest bit. 

“Good idea.” 

You ended up at some random coffee shop down the road. Part of you desperately wanted to go to sleep, the other part wanted to use the time to have Shawn to yourself; a rare moment these days. 

You took your drinks on the go, walking hand in hand around the quiet streets of the city. Except for the occasional joke about something you saw here and there, few words were exchanged between the two of you. The only light came from the soft glow of the street lamps. It was the perfect night for coffee at midnight. 

“What time is our flight tomorrow?” Shawn asked as he stopped to take a seat on a bench, patting the spot next to him for you to sit. 

“Well, technically it’s today and it’s at 5:30, which is in about four and a half hours.” You sat down next to him. 

“You sound like that really annoying kid at sleepovers. ‘Uh, it’s tomorrow now,” he mocked with a dopey face. 

“Shut up.” You punched him playfully in the arm with a giggle. 

“Good lord, why’d we schedule such an early flight? We really should’ve gone to bed.” 

“Really? I didn’t think of that.” 

“You’re the worst.” The smile on his face said the exact opposite; full of adoration for the girl in front of him. 

“What’cha gonna do about it, huh?” 

“I’m gonna do this.” He leaned in and you assumed he wanted a kiss so you closed your eyes and leaned in as well. Your face scrunched in disgust when you felt him lick your cheek. 

“Shawn Mendes,” you sighed, slowly bringing a hand up to wipe your cheek. 

“Yeah?” he asked with a giggle.

You glared at him. “You are absolutely disgusting.” 

“Oh yeah? What’cha gonna do about it?” 

“Nothing because I’m a civilized person.” 

He rolled his eyes playfully. “I’m sorry, your majesty.” 

You nudged him with your shoulder as you laughed. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” he yawned, stretching his arms up before placing one around your shoulders. 

“That was not smooth at all.”

“Really? I think it was pretty smooth.” 

“We’re married and you have to do the yawn arm stretch to put your arm around me?” 

“No.” He rested his head on your shoulders. “I thought it would be cute.” 

“You’re a dork.” 

He was a dork, but you were glad you married him. 

---

“I got the letter.” You rubbed the piece of paper between your fingers. You had read it at least four times that day and you wanted to read it a fifth, but Shawn called and you couldn’t pass up a chance to actually talk to him. 

“Did you like it?” he asked shyly.

“Of course I liked it, silly!” 

He let out a sigh of relief. He wasn’t even sure why he’d been so nervous about you receiving it in the first place.  

“I miss you.” 

“I miss you too,” he said, flopping down on the bed of the hotel room he was staying in for the night. “However, I must say that I do not miss your cold-ass hands on me.” 

“Liar,” you accused, fake offense in your voice. “You wish these cold-ass hands were on you right now.” 

“That’s debatable.” 

“Okay then. Well, how's the whole international pop-star thing going?” 

“Oh, you know. Just the usual.” 

“Absolutely satisfactory,” you said at the same time. It was a running joke and you weren’t entirely sure where it began. Just one of the many things that made being apart the tiniest bit better. 

You gazed longingly at a picture of the two of you on your honeymoon on your nightstand. “I want to use these cold-ass hands to give you a hug.” 

“I wish they could.”

“Aha! So you do miss these cold-ass hands!” 

“What, no? That’s not what I said.” 

He could be a liar about missing your cold-ass hands, but you were glad you married him. 

---

You could’ve stayed outside all night. It was the perfect temperature, and the only light came from the moon and a kitchen light you left on for when you decided to go back in. 

You were laying on top of Shawn, head in the crook of his neck and hand over his heart. He had a foot on the ground, using it to rock the two of you back and forth in the hammock. 

He had been rambling for a while now, failing to notice how your breathing was slowing down, eyes closed as you stopped trying to fight the exhaustion from the day. 

“I don’t know. What do you think?” he asked.You didn’t answer and he laughed when he looked down and saw you far away in dream land. 

“Hmm, wha’d you say?” You asked, lifting your head up slightly, bumping him in the jaw. 

“Nothing. Go to sleep, it’s late,” he chuckled, slipping the hand that was resting on your back under your shirt and rubbing circles into your side. 

“No, keep talking. I’m just resting my eyes.” You pressed a soft kiss to his jaw. 

“Mmhm. Get some rest, Y/N.” 

You snuggled into his chest, breathing in the faint scent of cologne and laundry detergent. He buried his face in your hair, closing his eyes and allowing himself to be in the moment. It was rare you got a quiet moment like this; just the two of you at home. 

He was glad he married you. 

--- 

“I just feel like you’re never home.” 

“Shawn, what are you talking about?” you sighed. “I’m home all the time.” 

“I haven’t properly seen you in three weeks. Three weeks, Y/N,” Shawn huffed. “This is the first time we’ve had dinner together in three weeks.” 

“That’s not my fault, Shawn.” 

“I came home early multiple times last week and you weren’t here. You were home at 9:30 every day last week. You’re only supposed to work until seven.” His eyes were cold and his movements rigid. Anyone could tell he was mad, but you knew better. Insecurity was creeping in. This wasn’t a fight you should be fighting, but you were going to anyways. 

“I can’t control my workload. If I don’t get stuff done in time, I get fired. Time isn’t subjective. Deadlines exist.” 

“You couldn’t come home on time just one time? One time, Y/N. That’s all I asked.” 

“What, so I could stay until 11:30 the next day? I love you, Shawn, but I can’t do that to myself.” You were already so sick of the fight. The night had started out nice. You had dinner together for the first time in a while but Shawn grumbled about how you were never home under his breath and it only escalated from there. 

“All I’m asking for is a little effort on your end.” There were a lot of things he could’ve said right then, but that was the one he had to go for.

“You really think I don’t care about this relationship?” 

“That’s not what I-”

“I married you, Shawn. I’ve put up with the touring for months on end, the long nights at the studio, the PR stunts, everything. I clean the house, cook dinner for when you get home, leave you notes in the morning because I care; because I love you.” 

Shawn zoned out, your rant becoming a background noise in his brain. He wanted to take the words back the moment he said them. He knew it wasn’t true, life was just frustrating when you didn’t see your wife for weeks on end.  

“I think I’ve put in plenty of effort.” You took a step towards him, but it did little to close the huge space between you. “I’m sorry that my job keeps me over every once and awhile, but I put every ounce of myself into this relationship. You should know that better than anyone.”   

He stared at you, trying to come up with the right words; words that could just fix everything so you could have just one nice night together for once. 

“Are you going to say anything?” you asked, arms crossed and hurt evident in your voice. 

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He ran a hand through his hair, voice having the slightest tone of accusation. He couldn’t think of anything else to say. His eyes were sincere, you could tell, but his lack of words said much more. 

“Okay then,” you said quietly, biting your lip. “When you figure out what to say, let me know.” 

“Okay.” His voice was barely audible, but it spoke volumes. You turned on your heel and walked to the guest bedroom, closing the door softly behind you. Angry as you were, slamming doors wasn’t going to help anything. 

He sighed as you disappeared. You always seemed to be the more rational of the two of you and he never understood how you could deescalate yourself so quickly. 

You could be mad at him all you wanted, as the end of the day, he was still glad he married you. 

---

“Don’t freak out.” 

“Telling me not to freak out is going to make me freak out more.” You were standing in the hallway of your office building, staring at the ceiling and tapping your foot as you waited for Shawn to tell you why he called you so abdamentelly in the middle of the workday. 

“So I’m kinda on my way to the hospital.” 

“Oh my gosh, Shawn, what happened?” Your mind raced with every worst case scenario. The fact that he was calling you should have been some indication that he wasn’t dying, but that did little to ease your worries. 

“I was messing around with Brain and I might’ve maybe twisted my ankle really bad and it swelled up a lot so we’re just going to get it checked out.” 

You breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank the lord.” 

“Why do you sound so happy?”

“You never call me during work. I assumed you were dead or dying.” 

“That’s a little unreasonable.” 

“Shawn!” 

“Sorry.”

“How bad does it hurt?” 

“Like a . . . a six I guess?” 

Is six enough to warrant surgery? 

“I’m not going to be able to get out before my shift ends,” you sighed, leaning your head against the wall as you looked at your watch. “Let me know if you get out before I go home. I’m really sorry, babe.” 

“Hakuna matata. I’ll see you soon.”

“Love you.” 

“Love you too.” 

He was probably the clumsiest person around, but you were still glad you married him. 

---

The remains of Chinese takeout was scattered on the table, long forgotten as you lost yourselves in each other. 

“No, but do you remember when you literally dragged me out at three in the morning and then got us lost so Andrew had to track us down and nearly killed us?” You asked, looking up from where you were laying across his lap.

“That is not what happened. First of all-”

“That is so what happened!” You sat up to give him that ‘you’re insane’ look.  

“You’re crazy, woman.”  

“That’s a strange way to address your wife.” 

“I am a bit of a strange guy.” 

“That’s an understatement.”

“Hey!” He pushed you off of him with a playful smile. “That’s a mean thing to say about your husband.” 

“I am a bit of a mean wife.” 

“That’s an overstatement. I mean, we’ve made it to one year of marriage and I haven’t considered divorce yet. That’s gotta work for something.” 

“Fair enough.” 

“I’m glad I married you, Y/N. Happy anniversary” 

“Happy anniversary, babe. I’m glad I married you too.” 

And it was true. At the end of every day, you were glad you married each other because there could never be anyone better. 

Taglist // add yourself

@fallinallincurls @lonelyreputation @musicalkeys

[anika-ann]

3+1 (Un)Wanted Mistletoe Encounters

Type: One-shot, Reader Insert               Word count: 4200

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary:  Kissing under the mistletoe is one of the most famous Christmas traditions; so obviously, it is not Christmas without it at the Tower.

Unfortunately for the occupants, you are not fond of the tradition – at all. 

...or are you?

Warnings: cliché trope, pushy Pietro, discussion of dub-con I guess, language, fluff

A/N: Idea born from this video where John Mulaney says: “If any decoration needs to be MeToo’ed…” and goes on.

Beatiful divider by firefly-graphics

1.

You were no Grinch.

In fact, you actually liked Christmas and the Holiday season, you enjoyed both giving and receiving and you appreciated when people found time to spend it together, whether in their own family circle or with their chosen one.

But. There was one significant ‘but’.

And with this being your first Christmas with the Avengers, Sam Wilson was about to learn about the said but first-hand, because that sweet kind-hearted dumbass with a sass streak walked right into it.

Quite literally.

December 23th, you woke up well-rested, got breakfast, wrapped several presents and were on your way to hunt down a lunch in the communal kitchen, when a voice stopped you in the doorway, where you nearly ran into Sam. Nearly.

“Ah-oh,” he hummed, a shit-eating grin spreading on his handsome face and you stopped dead in your tracks, frowning at the ominous sound.

“What?”

And then came the fateful words: “You’re standing under a mistletoe.”

You see, here was a thing; the tradition of hanging a mistletoe and meeting people under it by chance as an excuse to get a kiss from someone was… stupid. Downright idiotic. Pushing people into something they didn’t have a chance to back out from. Forced affection.

Yeah, that was not happening even if Sam was a real swell guy and you did find a newly hung mistletoe above your heads indeed as you briefly looked up to check if his words were true.

“Okay. And?”

His eyebrows rose in surprise, his tone turning slightly wavering.

“…And so am I?”

“And?” you continued, crossing your arms on your chest defensively, already preparing a rant that would hopefully spread like wildfire and ended this dumb tradition altogether. Or well, at least spread around the Tower so no one would ever try to corner you again.

“Really?” Sam deadpanned and you stared right back at him, your face probably displaying precisely how you felt; unimpressed.

“Yes, really,” you emphasized and pointed up at the offensive plant for a good measure. “This is a stupid concept, objectifying people, women especially. It’s about people being forced into showing affection they might not even feel. It’s bordering on a damn dub-con if not non-con.”

Sam blinked a few times, instinctively retreating as he felt you heating up. He raised his hands in a no-harm gesture to show he got your point.

But you were already on roll and you glimpsed Tony in the kitchen, so you thought that there was no harm in him hearing your speech too, just to make sure that the smug loveable bastard of a billionaire got the message as well.

“It’s like all those poor kids being asked why don’t you give your granny a hug before we go and a kiss to your granddad— well, it’s because I don’t want to and it’s my choice to give affection to someone! And now this thing, this is the tip of the iceberg, really, the last fucking drop- it needs to be Me Too’ed, I swear.”

You found yourself panting as you finished, your hands on your hips now – not that you realized you had put them there – and your belly hot and angry for some inexplicable reason; maybe it was the fact that it was Sam, amazing, friendly and understanding Sam Wilson, who had to go and point this stupid poisonous plant out for you; and have the audacity to ask for a kiss.

Dammit!

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he apologized sincerely, voice kind and without any hint of hurt or mockery. “It won’t happen again. I see that you might have a point in this.”

All the fight instantly left your body, replaced by warmth of friendship, mingling with a shiver of shame for your quick judgement and outburst. You sighed, easing your posture and offering and apologetic smile in return.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make a big deal of that-“

“No, it’s fine. Like I said, you’re kinda right.”

“Damn right I am,” you hummed, feeling the corners of your lips rise automatically as Sam chuckled and shook his head at your antics.

But hey – you were right. You were not sorry for that.

Still snickering to himself, Sam sidestepped you in the door and patted your shoulder.

As you continued your path as well, you would swear you heard Tony mutter under his breath that you were a Grinch.

Jerk.

2.

“Hey! Don’t I get a kiss?” Clint called out a complaint as you met both stepped into that damn doorway at the same time.

As he pointed up, all you could do was to sigh, close your eyes and count to ten.

It had only been like four hours maybe; perhaps the word hadn’t gotten to him yet that you were not a fan of making out with random people – even if they were family – just because it was Christmas; or as Tony had put it, that you were a Grinch.

Personally, you thought that his insult had been inaccurate; you had given it a thought. Maybe you were more of a Scrooge. Perhaps you should tell him next time you saw him, just to see his face; Tony did pride in his ability to come up with witty nicknames.

You almost spitted out Bah, humbug now, just because.

“No, you don’t,” you said flatly instead, causing Clint’s jaw to quite literally drop as he looked at you with indignation and horror in his eyes.

“But--- but- mistletoe!” he stuttered and you sighed, deciding to explain it to him too – patiently.

“Why should some stupid plant tell me when someone is worth my affection? Someone who allegedly deserved it by simply standing under the same plant as me, no less? Get. Out. Not happening.”

You winced a bit as you registered the snappy tone you used.

Well. Half of the task of explaining it to him patiently went right, you’d call that a success, you supposed.

The poor archer just blinked, staring at you dumbfounded and mildly hurt; as if you had just told him that Santa Claus was nothing but a trick. Phew, as if you were that heartless…

Just-- logic. In fact, you had given this tradition a generous amount of thought since your last encounter under it and you figured out where it came from, historical inaccuracy be damned.

“I mean, where did the idea even come from? I bet it was just because some dude saw another guy mouth-to-mouth a girl, who happened to eat some of this poisonous parasite, may I add, and she was dying, so he gave her rescue breaths before continuing CPR. And the dude thought, that’s a great idea! Let’s make this a habit, just without the poisoning! Yeah, no. You’re not getting a kiss, Clinton,” you finished, satisfied with yourself as you managed to sound calmer this time.

Also, you were kinda proud of yourself for coming up with this story; it seemed very likely.

“That’s, uhm… an interesting take on history,” Clint hummed, watching you with uncertainty and hesitance and your heart stumbled in your chest as you guessed he was about to say something… cheeky, and outraging, in his cute brotherly way. “I need a hug at least tho.”

There we go.

“Nice try.”

You smirked and sidestepped him to be on your way and almost bumped into Steve, quickly shooting him a smile and disappearing out of sight before a silly idea about him and the stupid plant could form in your head – that would be bad and highly inappropriate, as was your crush on him, not to even mention your feelings—bah -!

“What did you do to her?” you heard the sweet supersoldier ask, a hint of accusation in his voice. Your smile widened, heat rising to your cheeks. Always so chivalrous; your heart could fucking melt.

“I asked for a hug after she refused to give me a kiss under a mistletoe,” Clint ratted you out, still hurt and honestly confused.

You stopped in your tracks as you rounded a corner, chewing on your lip guiltily.

Poor Clint; perhaps you had gone too hard on him… he couldn’t have known. You had to be kinder about it next time – after all, you might have been with them for almost a year now and they made you feel like you fit despite being so-so late to the Avengers party, but all of you still had things to learn about each other.

“Ah, you haven’t heard from Sam. Sorry,” Steve’s voice reached your ear, a notch kinder than before, compassionate even.

Compassion; another quality of Steve’s that you loved-

Bah, HUMBUG, that is not that, the L word is a bit much, that is not what’s happening-

“Wait, you knew- oh… Yeah, a heads-up would be nice,” Clint grumbled and made a pregnant pause, the sign of another prefect line coming. You held your breath in anticipation. “So are you gonna give me a hug or should I just get coffee, aka the hug in a cup-“

You held back laugher and swallowed the fondness for the good-natured archer before you could rush back and give him the damn hug.

“Coffee’s always a safe choice,” Steve replied and you thought you heard a chuckle and a grunt, unable to supress a giggle as you jogged away before they could notice you were still within hearing range.

Clint’s following monologue faded away as you walked.

“Nobody likes me. Nobody. I’m gonna die alone, surrounded by people who are too emotionally constipated to give a man a damn hug…”

Yeah, maybe you should give him a hug next time you saw him… no mistletoe though.

3.

You truly believed that that would be the end of it; after all, a day had passed since the first incident, the incident that was left without a kiss, and you doubted anyone was out of the loop at this point.

That was stupid of you. Naïve even. You jinxed it.

You were just after light breakfast, ready to get a little work out in – complete with tacky remixes of Christmas songs prepared to cheer you up – when the supposedly fastest man in the Tower, and possibly the whole world, pretty much bumped into you.

And he had to bump into you just as you were walking through that fucking doorway with that fucking plant which you were supposed to put down right after the encounter with Sam, dammit.

But no, you didn’t want to ruin everyone else’s fun; in fact, Clint had taken it his personal mission to meet as many people as he could under the mistletoe to get a kiss… or a hug. Wanda hapilly shared affection with others, either kissing their cheek of hugging them. People were having fun.

So, obviously, you let it be, confident everyone knew better than to corner you.

No good deed ever went unpunished, especially in the Holiday season.

Pietro grinned as he spotted you, downright delighted, and spread his arms almost as if creating a cage around you, leaving very little room to escape.

You did not like that.

“A kiss for a guy who caught you under a mistletoe?” he hummed warmly with a sprinkle of cheek and despite his cheery demeanour, you couldn’t help yourself and rolled your eyes.

“In your dreams, Maximoff,” you huffed, trying to duck under his arm, only for him to move it so quickly it was only a blur to you.

Quick to move, slow to take a hint. Yep, that kind of behaviour had Pietro written all over it… Okay, now you were being mean, but he was being an ass, grinning wider and adding a wink to the mix, so it was only fair.

“How did you know? I thought it was just my sister who was telepathic?”

“Pietro, leave her alone,” Wanda spoke as if on cue, eyeing her brother with a frown from her spot behind the counter where she was trying to figure out a recipe for a special Christmas pastry from her old country.

A hint of a pout appeared on Pietro’s lips as he reciprocated Wanda’s gaze; unfortunately for you, he was still aware enough of you attempting to escape his cage, so far without using force; though you were inclined to violence should it be necessary.

“What?! It’s tradition! I thought Americans loved that!”

“Well, not all of us, so-“ you explained with a sigh, catching a glimpse of Steve as he now looked up from his spot on the couch where he had been nestled with a sketchbook for the past twenty minutes.

“I could kiss you before you even notice,” Pietro argued smugly, his expression earning a wolf-like edge as you glared back at him.

Well, it seemed your workout was just about to start, you thought, as you balled your hand into a fist, subtly testing the readiness of the muscles of your leg, prepared to kick the damn man-child to his shin or worse.

“She said no.”

Both your and Pietro’s heads snapped to Steve, who was watching the other man with intense displeasure, all complete with the mildly adorable wrinkle on his forehead – a sign of disappointment and irritation – and a voice that carried the gravity of a Captain’s order.

Which in this situation stirred something in your belly, warmth swelling in your chest as he rushed to your rescue; one not needed, but still appreciated. You didn’t react to Steve’s words aside from giving him a quick grateful smile and shooting Pietro a childish told-you-so look.

“She doesn’t have to do things just because it’s considered a tradition. Leave her be, Pietro,” Steve added, less snappy and simply requesting from the speedster to have a tiny bit of respect for your wishes.

Pietro was most definitely pouting now, but he dropped his arms and released you, still blocking the doorway.

“This is ridiculous,” Pietro muttered under his breath, only for you to hear and you gritted your teeth, irritation spiking again.

“You are being ridiculous. Now move or I swear I’ll slap you.”

“I’d like to see you try, Eagle.”

Oh, we’re doing nicknames now? He could use your title earned by being fast and occasionally deadly all he wanted, flattery would get him nowhere at this point.

“Wouldn’t even see it coming, Speedyboy,” you challenged, chin raised in defiance.

It was ironic, really, how much everyone seemed to insist on following this stupid tradition, even with you. At this point, it was practically everyone but Steve; everyone but the one person you’d be willing to kiss – mistletoe or not, though the plant would at least give you an excuse.

But nope, you just had to get stuck in the doorway with this moron instead.

“Ooookay, you two,” Natasha sing-sang, as she was approaching you from the corridor; you completely missed her arriving, that was how much Pietro irritated you. “Maximoff, move, you’re blocking the doorway. And if you corner her like this again, I’ll kill you in your sleep and you’ll never see that coming,” she promised, voice icily serious despite the twinkle in her eye.

You had no doubt she would deliver just what she promised.

Which was exactly why you leaned over to kiss her cheek, earning a brilliant smile from her and a light brush of her lips against your own cheek.

“Thanks, kotenok,” she hummed just as Pietro gaped and complained.

“That’s so unfair.”

You smirked at him, throwing the smugness he had treated you with right back at him as you went to walk away.

“I give affection to whoever I want and whenever I want. Let your super quick brain process that. Happy Holidays.”

You completely missed the slow smile that spread on Wanda’s face at one point of the whole exchange.

+1

You decided to stop walking through that damn doorway altogether – just in case.

But at the moment, no one was around, so you made an exception since you considered yourself safe. Though main part of the feeling of security was that you didn’t think there was anyone left of the Tower tenants (who didn’t pay rent at all, somehow) who wasn’t aware of your opinion on the dumb tradition. No one who would be stupid enough to try.

Yet, when you glimpsed a large figure about to walk through the doorway just as you were few feet from it, you halted in your steps, letting them pass first.

And then there was a gust of wind, a warning coming a second too late and a harsh push to your shoulder from behind.

“Running through!”

You, the newest addition to the Earth’s mightiest heroes, Eagle, known for her quick reactions and not losing her cool easily, only managed to yelp in fright as you were knocked over, unable to hold onto anything and falling straight to the ground.

Two strong hands caught you and pulled you back up before you could hit the floor and you gasped, head spinning from the swift movements-- only to blink your eyes open to meet the prettiest pair of eyes you had ever seen; determined, kind, compassionate, loveable. And so damn blue despite the drop of green in their irises.

Your heart was trying to beat its way out of your ribcage as Steve instinctively pressed his chest against yours, holding you close and secure, grasp firm but careful.

Your gaze couldn’t but wander all over his face as you found yourself in such close quarters with him, his own eyes and his lips – gosh, those lips – working as magnets, always alluring your gaze to linger.

“You okay?”

Mesmerized, you watched those lips to move, barely comprehending what he was asking. His voice was warm; honey sweet and rich in spice, delicious, causing your stomach to flip pleasantly, your heart stammer.

It might have taken you a while to stutter out a reply, but no one ever needed to know about that.

“Uhm… yeah. Thanks-- thanks to you… thank you.”

Steve graced you with a small but no less meaningful smile. “Of course.”

Torturously slowly – as if he didn’t want to let you go any more than you wanted him to – he helped you stand straight and let go of your arms.

The moment you lost his touch, you lost your sanity too. You must have.

Before you could change your mind – or to think anything through – you leaned back to him and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. And perhaps on instinct, you kinda aimed more for the corner of his mouth than the cheek.

He felt warm now too – the tips of his ears turned red in an instant and you, with horror, finally realized what you had done; and just how good it felt to finally show at least a little of what you had been trying to ignore and hide for so long.

Despite his apparent surprise and mild embarrassment, his smile widened a fraction, turning pleased.

“What was that for?” he asked lowly, gaze intense as he studied your face, a hint of a glow in his eyes, something brighter than hadn’t been there before. Hope, maybe?

You certainly hoped. Because you just made an ass of yourself, having acted without thought… and it never felt so good and so awkward at the same time.

Your brain had never been so quick and dumb to come up with a poor excuse either.

“We’re…. we’re under a mistletoe?” you offered reluctantly, your lips still burning after the brief contact with his, head once again nearly spinning due to the proximity – was it just the dizziness or was he leaning in closer?

“I thought you didn’t follow that tradition,” Steve hummed with a grin slowly spreading on his face and through the fog of lovesickness, it finally dawned to you.

You had done exactly what you scolded Sam, Clint and Pietro for – you just went and kissed Steve, no questions asked, no consideration of his possible discomfort.

God, you were such an idiot!

See, that’s why you have banned yourself for as much as imagining kissing Steve and meeting him under the mistletoe! Because when your brain went down that road, it stopped working altogether!

You swiftly retreated a few inches, horrified.

“I—I don’t. I mean. I-- I-I’m so sorry!” you blurted out, words spilling from your lips as the panic rose in your chest. And yet, there was warmth, a pleasant feeling coiling in your belly, breaths coming out short as Steve seemed to erase the distance you had created, his gaze studying you, landing on your mouth. “I shouldn’t have done that! What was I thinking—gosh, I didn’t want to make you-“

You stopped as Steve’s lips kept erasing the distance and ended up a breath from touching yours, tempting, his eyes shining bright with a simple unspoken question. You instinctively licked your lips, heart stumbling in your ribcage.  

“---uncomfortable. Yes, please-“

And then he was kissing you, a little smile playing on his lips as they danced with yours, sweet and soft, hand moving to your nape, thumb caressing the side crook of your neck, drawing a content sigh from you as your eyes fluttered shut, letting you sink into the kiss you had been craving for almost a year.

Your hands sought out his shoulders as he cradled your face, gentle and guiding so he could take more and all you wanted was to give it to him, give him everything he asked for and take it from him too.

Your toes definitely curled in the thick fluffy socks you wore when his fingers squeezed your nape briefly before he withdrew – as if he once again didn’t want to let go for something so boring as oxygen. You wholeheartedly agreed with that sentiment, dizzy from the blissful turn of events.

As you inhaled nevertheless, you were grateful that Steve stayed close enough for you to breathe in him, relieved and delighted smile on your face as you licked your lips, savouring the sensation.

When you met his gaze, you saw nothing but fondness; and your heart could melt.

Steve liked you too. Steve kissed you like he meant it. Now you could die a happy woman but you rather not. You’d rather kiss him again if he was willing.

“Still sorry I did it without asking first,” you whispered an apology even though you were not sorry at all since it led to this.

“It’s okay. I just hope it wasn’t just the tradition that pushed you into kissing back.”

You chuckled and then chewed on your lower lip when thinking of a propriate retort, not missing that his eyes followed the action. Oh, he definitely liked to back, okay. Why had you never kissed before, again?

“I only give affection to whoever I want, whenever I want,” you threw back at him, the words that had a whole new meaning in contrast to when being told to Pietro; not a turn-down, quite the opposite in fact.

And you leaned in, greedy for at least one more kiss, Steve just watched you with a smile, eyes flickering to your lips.

“That’s good to know.”

He didn’t sound like he complained at being at the receiving end of your affection whatsoever.

Maybe, mistletoe wasn’t so stupid after all…

Three rooms over, the red-haired witch was smiling widely as she, thanks to her mental powers, caught a glimpse of what was happening in the kitchen doorway.

“It worked,” she announced, blinking to fully return herself to the present. “Nice work this time, brat moy.”

Pietro scowled at Wanda and couldn’t but wonder about the plan she had orchestrated and asked him to execute.

“How did you know, sestra?”

Wanda just shrugged.

“I had my suspicions before. But when you ran into her the last time, I checked her mind to see just how uncomfortable you made her,” she explained, giving one more scolding glare for his inappropriate behaviour. But well, it led to this and he helped now, so… he was good. “She literally thought she wouldn’t mind being under the mistletoe with the Captain.”

“Lucky bastard,” Pietro muttered, expression only half-sour.

“Shush. Be happy for your teammates. You just flirt anyway.”

The speedster pouted, but didn’t protest; he in fact was happy for the two members of the extended family him and his sister had found. And he indeed was only flirting, enjoying your reactions, talking back and teasing. It was all good fun and he did wish you and the Captain well…

But.

“Well, yeah, but now I won’t be able to do that or to look at her twice. Not without Captain having my head,” he grumbled and Wanda nodded with a grin, not feeling all that bad for him.

It wasn’t like he had his heart broken – more like had his ego tickled; and he had been needing some of that for a while.

“That’s true. Looks like you gotta be faster with the next girl you get your eye on, brat.”

The speedster gasped, shocked at her audacity. “I’ll show you fast-!”

Wanda laughed as she used her powers to freeze him on spot to get a head start.

Now, the Holidays felt truly happy indeed.

S.R. Masterlist

Thank you for reading!

If this fic feels like it’s written differently, then I guess that’s fair… I tried to make the style more drabble-like and failed epically, because I just cannot write short and without too many feelings :D

Anyway.

Happy Holidays to you all! May you be given love and affection!

[squiggledrop]

I’m Sorry - Spencer Reid x Reader

Masterlist

Summary: Reid gets shot on a case and is in the hospital. But him and Reader have so much left they want to do. So, living on borrowed time, Reader does all they can do.

Word Count: 2.7k

Pairings: Spencer Reid x Reader

Category: Angst

Warnings: Allusions to death, hospitals, references to major injuries, mentions of a god

Note: Could be read as a part 2 to Your Other Half, but doesn’t have to be. But you should go read that if you haven’t👀👀. Also, the italics are “Spencer”, but are kind of up for interpretation. Also, I’m like ✨struggling✨ so I just kind of wrote this and figured I’d share, but I promise I’ll have some actual fics soon. Also, just saying this so it’s said, but, this is literally just me ranting and believe whatever you want to believe because it is 100% valid and should always be respected. Last thing, title should be read in John Mulaney’s voice because every time I read it that’s all I can hear in my head, so I think you should too. “I’m SoOOoRy”

“Hey Spence.” Your hushed voice broke through the unbearable silence in the room, only mediated by the monotonous beeping of the countless machines hooked up to Spencer.

“We’re in the hospital right now. You had surgery and they were able to fix the bullet wound. But, the doctor said that your injury caused swelling in your brain, and if it doesn’t stop soon, there won’t be much they can do.” Your breathing stuttered as you blinked back tears. “So, I’m going to need you to try and stop it okay?”

You gripped his hand in yours, resting it against your forehead as tears poured down your cheek. 

“We always knew you had a big, genius brain. I guess we just never thought about what would happen when it got a little too big.” You let out a slight laugh through your nose, blinking away the tears in your eyes. “I always knew you were too amazing to be bound by something so nominal as a human body. Normally, every room you occupy is consumed by your warmth and filled with your laughter.” You forced a weak smile as his comforting laugh replayed in your mind. With a sigh, you looked around the sterile room. The fluorescent lights were too bright. They would give Spencer a headache.

“But not this one,” you choked out, turning back towards his unconscious form. “I miss your beautiful smile and gentle eyes because, right now, you feel so small. Your hand is in mine, but it just doesn’t feel right.” You cautiously stroked the back of his hand, examining the foreign feeling. “It’s too bony and fragile. Your hands are normally soft and warm, but right now they’re just so cold.” You placed a kiss on the middle of his palm before resting your cheek in it. The chilling of his hand burned your inflamed cheeks.

“I asked the nurse to get you another blanket because I know how much you hate the cold. She gave me that look we give victims' families when we have to tell them their loved one is dead,” you scoffed. “Sometimes it really sucks to always know what people are thinking.” You tried to calm yourself down, rolling your lips between your teeth, but it was no use.

“I really need you to hang on okay, baby? I hope you aren't in any pain, but I need you to hang on.” Despite your best efforts, desperation bled through every word you spoke. “I-I know it’s selfish, but I can't do this without you Spence.” With every second that past your throat constricted even more. “I know it’s selfish, but I need you. God, Spence, please come back to me,” you cried.

I always found that to be such an interesting term: “praying to a god you don’t believe in”. You closed your eyes, relishing in the sound of his voice. You knew it wasn’t real, but for now, it was good enough. It is used in literature and in modern music so often, and rightly so, but is never given the weight it truly possesses. Despite everything you know, all of the scientific explanations you have that can explain the world around you, when you are that desperate, you throw it all out the window in a split second. You don’t believe in a god. Yet, when faced with a difficult situation, and you have nothing else to hold onto, you immediately pray to something that you know holds no validity.

“Because it’s all I can do.” 

You are so desperate and helpless to the extent that you are praying to something that you know logically is not real, yet with every fiber of your being you are praying for its help. 

“Isn’t it just human nature?”

Well, some may say it’s humanizing. I would disagree. I think it is the least human thing you can do. It’s human nature to be curious and want explanations for the phenomena around you. That’s why, out of all species on earth, humans are the most advanced. They are the only species to change their environment to fit their needs. They have no natural predators, despite having absolutely no defense mechanisms. They have survived and evolved based on their thirst for knowledge and answers. But, when faced with some of the toughest situations in life, yet some of the most natural, they disregard everything they know to be true, and blindly beg for the help of some mythological deity. 

Death is a natural progression of life. We know how and why it happens, and we have formulas and data to predict when it will come. 

“But when it’s someone you know, someone you love, despite knowing everyone’s time will one day come, you can’t help but to beg for it not to be the case,” you pointed out. 

You ask something you don’t believe in, something you know to not be true, to change the inevitable. You ask something you don’t believe in to change precedent. You ask for some miracle, that you already know the minuscule probability of. 

“Is it avoidance?”, you genuinely asked out loud, missing the way Spencer was always there with an answer for everything.

Well, you know the science and statistics behind it. You know the odds are not in your favor. So, rather than acknowledge that and live with the truth, you abandon everything you hold to be true, and instead conjure some faith in a god you know isn’t there. I mean, is it better to have blind hope or just accept the facts? 

“Isn’t there something to be said for being optimistic?” you countered.

Of course. One of the amazing laws of our natural world is that nothing is impossible. Sure, if you keep shoving your hand at the wall enough times, statistically speaking, eventually your hand will have the exact orientation to go between all the atoms perfectly, and your hand will go through the wall. But, if I were to ask you to believe that I could do it, would you? 

“No,” you replied.

Of course not. Because it’s illogical. So then, why is your immediate reaction to devastating information to refuse it and do something illogical? 

“Is it to feel useful?”

You know the statistics. Realistically, you know there is nothing you can do to change the outcome. But, it is human nature to try and come up with solutions to our problems. After having exhausted all other possibilities and coming up empty, you persist. You don’t give up. Even if you know it’s nonsensical, you still need to feel as though you are trying. But that’s the operative part: feel as though. Is it human inclination to want to try and solve the problem and contribute positively to the situation? Or is it a selfish need to not feel powerless? 

“There is nothing worse than feeling as though you have no control. When everything you love has been taken from you, and you are desperate for any solution to your problem, it makes sense that one would try all their options, no matter how unlikely, because you still have to at least try.”

But, it’s important to remember that no matter how many times you shove your hand at the wall, you will always end up hurt before it goes through. You let out a small smile, pondering his words.

“Is it a reminder, that despite how much we claim to know and understand about the universe, that we know practically nothing?”

Ah, therein lies the beauty of science. Every time a question is answered, it introduces a plethora of others to be figured out. Despite knowing the facts, you are reminded about how much you do not know. There is so much uncertainty in everyday life, and no matter how much you may try, life does not take place in a laboratory. You cannot control for all the confounding variables life has to offer. You don’t get to test your hypothesis over and over, tweaking your experiment as you go. You are granted one life. You must use it to its fullest extent. 

“Did you?” you abruptly asked.

I wouldn’t have changed anything, because it brought me to you. And you are my greatest accomplishment. You nodded your head, wiping away the tears that pooled in your eyes.

“Look, I may not believe in this supposed god I’m praying to. But, if she actually is out there, what’s the harm in praying she lets my hand make it through the wall? The worst that could happen is she doesn’t listen and I end up with a few bruises and a broken bone. Because, in the grand scheme, what’s a broken bone compared to your life?” There was silence, and you didn’t feel like waiting for a response.

“You are the kindest, gentlest, most generous person I know. Everyone has been through so much. I-it’s too soon. That's how I know there isn’t a god, because she wouldn’t be this cruel. She wouldn’t take you from us too.” In your mind, all of the losses you two had suffered over the years replayed. All of the lost lives, lost friends. “I always tried so hard to be strong for you. I tried to be there, and for the most part I was. I held you in my arms. I kissed the top of your head. I let you know you are so loved, that I was there and I would never let go, because that’s what you do for the ones you love- 

I know

“-but for every ounce of strength I gave, I lost a part of me. I still remember the day it happened. I remember the day we said goodbye, and I remember the endless months of hurt. But, what are you supposed to do when someone loses someone like that?”

Well, you hold them in your arms and let them know they are loved. 

“But I can’t do it again,” you practically shouted. “I can’t,” you gasped.

I know

“I can’t go through that again-”

I know

“-my arms are too tired and weak-”

I know

“-my eyes have lost enough tears-”

I know

“I-I can’t be strong for anyone anymore.” 

I know baby, I’m sorry

You let your head collapse in front of you, hugging Spencer’s limp arm into your chest.

“It’s not fair,” you murmur between broken sobs. “I need someone to hold me-”

I know

“-and I need someone to tell me it’s okay, because I know it’s not. Nothing about this is okay.”

I know

“God, would you just shut up? Just for once Spencer!” Your breathing heaved as you lifted your head, looking down at the lifeless body in front of you. “I know you know, okay? I know you know everything.” Your own voice bounced around the room, ringing in your ears. “You can claim that you have a formula for any problem, and sure, you can rattle off any statistic. But, for the love of god Spencer, don’t forget, mathematics was invented,” you spat. “It is a made up world that people use to quantify the incomprehensible. It’s a tool that was made to try and make sense of the chaotic world that surrounds us.” The volume of your voice shattered, and you broke down again, cursing yourself for screaming at your unconscious husband.

But, you heard his soft, knowing voice that you missed so much, try as we might, the law of entropy prevails, and with every negative delta g we descended further and further into disorder. One variable that does not have a differential equation to solve is emotions. That’s what makes us different. We care for one another. That is human nature. We try to help those in need and even if we can never fully understand the working of the universe, at least we can make a slightly more positive place. Yes, you can calculate the probability of every known outcome, but you are not a robot. We have survived because of our inclination to help others. We work together for a common goal. We love. We hate. We get scared. We get excited. We are shy and outgoing. We are happy and we are sad. But, no matter what we are, we do it with passion. We love so intensely that it physically hurts. We can feel such joy that it feels as though it is bursting out of us. We are empathetic. We can feel others’ emotions as if they were our own. 

“But, we can also hurt,” you chided. “We can hurt so bad that it feels debilitating. We can hurt so bad that it's easier to just shut off and not think.” You looked over his stoic face, desperately trying to picture his golden eyes through his ashen eyelids. “Yes, that means losing your humanity, but when it’s at the cost of feeling your world crumble before you, suffocating you with it, being a robot begins to have its appeals.”

I guess. You could hear the slight smirk in his voice. It depends on your point of view. You can have a reductionist mind set, and see the world for what it is: a bunch of chemicals interacting. Or, you can take a more philosophical approach and contemplate the meaning of life. But one cannot exist without the other. There is a nuanced duality that must be maintained, or there is no point to either.

You cupped his jaw in your hand, running your thumb over cheek. 

“Every time I see your face I smile. When you tell me you love me my heart feels so full.” You swallowed thickly, picturing all of the morning you woke up next to Spencer, never really knowing which one would be your last. “When I hug you, I feel safe. Yeah, we may just be a sack of chemicals, but I was lucky enough that our atoms came together in this specific combination at the same point in time.” Your voice squeezed as you tried to continue speaking, “And I know the probability of that happening is minuscule, so why can’t  this be too?” you pleaded. “I know it’s unlikely, but if I was so lucky to have you in my life, why can’t I be just as lucky and get my hand through the wall on the first try?”

Because you are human, whatever that means. He spoke as if it was the simplest thing in the world. No matter how hard we may try, we are controlled by our emotions. I love you, and you love me, and it’s as simple and complicated as that. 

“I know that every moment you are alive is a second of gifted time, but it’s still never enough. I don’t want to say goodbye. We have so much more to do. We have plans, and promises that still need to be fulfilled”

I don’t want to say goodbye either 

“This isn’t fair, we are supposed to have more time.”

I know, but I need you to be strong, for me.

“But I don’t know what to do.”

I need you to try.

“No, Spence, I-I’m letting you know now that I won’t be able to do it. I can't be strong again. I’m sorry, but I just can’t do it.” You cried into his chest, savoring the sound of his faint heartbeat.

“I’m sorry.”

You waited for a response, desperate to hear his voice for as long as you could. But, it never came. 

“Hey, you doing okay?” You gasped, lifting your head and looking around the room. Your eyes fell on Derek in the doorway. “I thought I heard you talking, are you okay?” Concern laced his brow as he looked at you.

“Y-yeah, I’m as fine as I can be,” you reassured, wiping your eyes. He nodded and gave you a sympathetic smile. You watched as he turned to leave, going back to the others in the waiting room. You let out a helpless breath, your eyes falling back onto the man that lay beside you. 

Yes, you are human. And as tears roll down your face, and helplessness courses through your veins, you will continue to pray to a god you don’t believe in, because what else are you supposed to do?

[frickenfaded]

--SFW--

This is my first headcanon ever. It's kind of a headcanon anyway.. This is how I think the Feral Boys would react to (f!) Reader getting mad over something stupid while she's on her period.

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Dream

It was about midday and {Y/n} had to force herself to get out of bed to retrieve food. She decided she would get cereal and return straight to her blankets. Once in the quite kitchen, she reached up in a cabinet and grabbed a bowl, however she accidentally set it down way too hard and the brittle glass bowl shattered everywhere.

She was absolutely enraged. All she wanted was a bowl of cereal and *this* is what she gets? It didn't take long after to hear the thomping footsteps of her boyfriend coming down the stairs to see what the commotion was about. {Y/n} stood with her arms crossed, about to make a move for the broom. "Fucking damnit." She cursed, unbelievably mad at the smallest event.

Dream ended up beating {Y/n} to the broom, sweeping up the shards of glass that littered the tile. He was being extremely careful and thinking his words over before speaking. He knew she was in her period, and that meant she gets angered easily and doesn't like being clung onto by anyone during the week. However, he recognized that she still appreciates his presence.

He steps a little closer, giving a small forehead kiss to his girlfriend before resuming the cleaning. "Baby, if you want too, you can lay in my bed while I edit. I'll clean this up and bring you some cereal." He suggested. "How did you know I even wanted cereal?" She asked. "Because, that's normally what you crave." He answered. She thought for a moment before deciding to take him up on his offer. "Thank you, baby." She mutters before heading upstairs.

George

The relationship between {Y/n} and George was still fairly new, this being their third month together. Therefore, he still isn't exactly sure what his girlfriend needs during her special time of the month. However, he's sort of getting the idea. It's just a bit tricky for him to know for sure when she's going through it, because she doesn't tell a soul. She leaves them guessing, taking pride in it even.

But this time was a little different. She was laying down in bed, trying to read the book "Water for Elephants" by Sara Gruen, when the realization struck her that she was currently using her last (pad/tampon/other). She didn't want to leave her bed, much less her house. She angrily closed her book and slammed in down on the nightstand, thinking over her options in her mind.

George just happened to be passing by her door whenever she slammed her book. It startled him a little, but he entered her room nonetheless. Although she heard him come in, she refused to tear her focus away from her thoughts. George knew something was up a couple days ago. The possibility of her monthly happening was a thought, but he wasn't 100% sure.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, walking over to the edge of the bed before sitting down. "No." She immediately answers, crossing her arms over her chest. She still didn't really want to give in that easily, though. She still had her pride, despite her situation. "What happened?" He wondered. "Nothing." She replied, avoiding his careful gaze.

"C'mon, Love, we both know that isn't true." He says, softening his tone of voice. She almost instantly melts into his stare. She huffs out a breath, however desperate to keep her silence. He treads lightly, brushing a strand of messy hair from her face, whilst caressing her cheek in the meantime. She finally gives way, breaking through to him as if a dam just broke. "Fine." She states.

He smiles, knowing he won without asking the question that would set him up for failure. "I'm on my last (pad/tampon/other) and I don't want to leave the house." She explained. George breaks into a small fit of laughter. "Was it really something that simple? That's nothing compared to what I thought was wrong. But I can get you what you need, Love." He says, after narrowly avoiding a harsh glare. "Would you like anything else while I'm gone?" He wonders. "Hm.. Maybe some chocolate... Please." She answers. He nods before giving her a swift kiss.

Sapnap

Sapnap.. Is quite the special case, to say the least. He does n o t pick up on hints very well... Which leaves him very lost and confused when his girlfriend all of the sudden starts acting a lot different than normal and suddenly more distant with him. She didn't exactly mean too, it was just what happens during her period.

He was scared that he did something wrong because of this, but he couldn't come up with a reason why. Did he leave the toilet seat up? Maybe he accidentally ignored her? What if he forgot about something they were supposed to do? Dear God, did he forget their anniversary or her birthday or something? Despite what he thought he did, he wanted to try and "make things right."

He entered her bedroom as she watching a John Mulaney special on Netflix. He stood beside her bed. "Hey, could we play Pokémon together?" He asked. "No. I don't feel like it." She didn't mean to add the annoyed tone to her voice, but she did. She was just annoyed in general. "D-Did I do something wrong?" He asked, scared of her answer. It was then when she realized she was being short with him and distant.

She sighed, knowing she owed him an explanation now. "I'm sorry, Darling. I didn't mean to come across like that. I'm just... cramping really bad today, and I'm really really really craving some ice cream, but I don't want to get up either." She explains, rambling just a little bit. He blushes a little when he realizes what was going on, but he quickly retrieves some ice cream for the both of them, before joining her in bed and finishing the John Mulaney special together.

Karl

Manz is prepared. I'm talking, he's got a secret box in his closet filled with everything she may need, from pads, to tampons, to chocolates, to a heating pad, he has it all. He's so dedicated to making sure he does everything right that he has a period tracker app on his phone to know when she's about to start. Therefore, he knows when he needs to back up and give you some breathing room.

So one day, when his girlfriend got very upset just because her phone died, he knew exactly why. "Do you need absolutely anything? I brought you a chocolate bar." He says when he hears the ruckus from her room. She softens up almost immediately, always touched by the way he knows what to do and say.

"Thank you.. Could you plug my phone up, please?" She asks. He happily jumps on the simple task, despite her charger literally being right beside her. "And maybe... could we cuddle for a little while too?' She wonders. He smiles brightly. "Definitely." He agrees, before slipping in bed with her as they start to watch Hamilton for the third time.

Quackity

Quackity seems to think it's comedy gold whenever his girlfriend gets infuriated by the tiniest things. He was sitting on the couch, watching something on the T.V., while {Y/n} came out of her room for the first time since today. She came to get a snack herself, not wanting to bother her boyfriend much.

But what she failed to notice as she was walking through the Living Room, was the Thanos doll that Quackity completely forgot to pick up earlier. And of course, she stepped on the damned thing. She yelped, almost falling over thanks to the toy. In a fit of rage, she picked the doll up and stomped over to one of the open windows, throwing it as hard as she could into the outside world.

Quackity could not stop laughing from the moment she stepped on the plastic toy, now laughing harder than ever because of it. "Shut up! It's your stupid fucking fault the thing was left there anyway!" She cursed, clearly displeased. He didn't listen, of course. "I-I'm sorry." He said through his laughter. As much as she wanted to stay mad, his laughter was contagious.

She ended up bursting with laughter as well, their voices mixing like milk and honey in the atmosphere. {Y/n} joined Quackity on the couch, laying across his lap as he played with her hair, the two starting to talk about random topics. She always went through a few days on her period where she was just a little more clingy than the others, but Quackity just learned to accept that. He wouldn't say it exactly, but he did actually enjoy it.

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That's it for this one lovelies! As I mentioned, this is indeed my first headcanon ever and actual content post I've posted on Tumblr. Therefore, I hope it wasn't too shabby. I'll get the hang of things soon, but for now, if you'd like to read any other things I've posted, the list is short, because I am pretty new here, but this option is available to you though this link:

My Creations♡

I hope you enjoy your stay here! Requests are always open! ♡♡

[milkacchan]

Hello all

I've gotten a few requests for more Platonic Bakugou x reader, and you shall receive!!I wrote this one based on a dream I had. I hope you like it but please tell me what yall thing about the dynamic I've built between Katsuki and reader through my other fics to now, I wanna know ♡♡♡

Love you all,

Milkacchan

Katsuki was never one to show all of his feelings- he wasn't one to show many of them. He bottled them up and hoped they go away or as John Mulaney would say 'and then one day, I'll die.'

Only, sometimes you forced him to show feelings. Or at least deal with them. Like right now.

Kirishima hadn't rejected Katsuki persay- honestly he wasn't sure what had really happened. He knew he panicked. He knew Kirishima did to. Just two blushing red stuttering messes. And then Kiri left.

Katsuki, in accordance to your advice, texted him; offered him an in and out to talk about what happened and stated that he wanted to tell Kirishima in person everything he needed to say.

Kirishima had not replied.

And it crushed him.

Sure it wouldn't be anyone's fault, certainly not Kirishimas, if it didn't work out like bakugou wanted but it still fucking /hurt/.

And he could've gone to Deku- the little rat would've jumped at the chance to help, but he stopped at you instead.

It was relatively late, 10:30 or so, no one was going to miss him if he disappeared in your room. Maybe kirishima, but he wouldn't know. He left his phone in his dorm. He should've just gone to sleep at 8 like he usually did.

Of course you opened the door, immediately picked up that something was wrong and led him to the bed.

He took the wall side, and you took the room side. He rested his head against your shoulder (he honestly didn't have a choice but he really didnt mind, you won't hear him admit it) as the two of you sat against the headboard of your bed. You used your hand to gently touch his cheek.

He normally wouldn't be this docile- must've been bad.

"Darling tell me what happened,"

He groaned, his gaze at his lap. "This stuff is hard." He grumbled. "Dealing with Ei is hard."

"Well nothing good is ever easy," you hum, stroking his cheek. "What went down?"

"I panicked. We were hanging out, I was cooking food for tomorrow, and he was down there with me, watching. I don't know- he leaned in and obviously so did I but he- /we/ panicked and I told him I liked him and he just left."

"Walked out?"

"Yes, just walked the fuck out. Didn't say a word in response." His voice got weaker then, softer and he tensed.

"You didn't leave anything on the stove, did you?"

"No, Dorms are fine."

"Okay," you smiled, "maybe he just needed time. Or maybe he thought you were joking. Did you text him after? Try to talk at all?"

"Yes," he nodded. "I texted him 3 times."

"He probably just needs time. Listen, Kats, you did what you could and communicated what you needed to. The rest is up to Kiri. He has to make the next move."

"What if he doesn't like me back? What if I just fucked up something- I don't want to lose him, you know?"

"I doubt you're going to lose him," you hummed. "Even if he doesn't return your feelings, he won't walk away just because you have them. Kirishima isn't like that. But right now, you've done all you can. You'll just have to wait and go from there."

He nodded slightly. He hadn't moved his gaze from his lap, but you pinched his cheek gently.

"How about we watch some TV, okay? You can stay here for the night if you want. If not just an episode or two to calm down."

"Yeah," he mumbled. "I guess that's okay."

And you did just that. Turned on an episode of whatever light hearted TV show you two had started together and just chilled out. Katsuki hadn't planned on falling asleep or staying, but the panic attack he'd had really drained him- he didn't realize how bad it was.

You smiled softly though, running a hand through your best friends hair.

You managed to move so the two of you were laying down, your hand still under his head. It would definitely be numb in a few hours but he needed the sleep and you weren't going to wake him up.

The next morning Katsuki couldn't even be mad, you always had his back, no matter what. You were always logical and strove for solutions if he ever came to you with a problem. But you were also kind to him, giving him comfort when he needed it.

And you were right- as always. Kirishima just needed time.

He'd checked his phone when he got back to his dorm, he'd received more than a few texts from red- explaining what happened and begging Katsuki to answer.

He didn't text him back, instead he got dressed for school and walked down to the kitchen, where he knew Kirishima would be. And he was there, nervously fiddling with his protein bottle.

"Oi dumbass," he flicked his ear and sat down.

"Katsuki!" The red head grinned.

You were always right.

[fakeloveaskblog]

Greetings from the void, Remington Siest, I have been summoned in your stead—

Oh, it's you! We've already met! Right! Uh, Remus's nonbinary demon friend again, this time coming from the shadowy corners in your room that you never look to. My apologies for that little scare, it's my day job you see, and someone else did summon me to you; old habits die hard, yadda yadda. How have you been? How are you liking that Raccoon plushie I sent?

Now, as for what's been requested of me *sounds of paper shuffling* hmm, ok, yeah, that's easy! Remus adores you, can confirm! Both him and Janus love having you as a friend and while I cannot speak on Remus'd behalf on the matter I can say that Janus is absolutely smitten with you (on a romantic sense) beyond a shadow of a doubt! He doesn't and will never only want you for your body, or leave you if you were to reject any advances he may yet put forth, so you can rest easy on that issue!

Oh. *hears what Remy has to say to their summoner before the message sents* Oh my. *starts to panic* Seems things are worse than I thought. I have. No idea what to say that wouldn't make this any worse! Where's the person who cheers you up and sents you nice text messages when you need it?! Ah, guess if they're not here this falls to me until they do get here? Uh, darn the timer's running out, um.

Remy… you are amazing and a great person and your friends love you for you, and you alone, not just your body, you! (Remus is ace for crying out loud!) Other than the obvious… now, we don't have time to unpack all of that, but…! *quickly sents a link to a social media app on Remy's phone* So. *John Mulaney voice* Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? Because it sounds like he sucks and I would totally kill that guy for you!

(U!Virgil, emotional abuse)

Remy: "Oh girl I am loving the raccoon! I sewed him a lil like hoodie so now he like reminds me even more of my boyf. I have-"

They forced in a sharp breathe through their teeth while their whole body trembled from pain. The plushie was pressed close to their chest as they laid in bed. All the blinds were rolled down because any and all light would bring them a migraine right now.

"I haven't like....been doing too hot...I...It's like....a lot right now"

They took a few moments to really listen to your message. (How good that all demon messages came with an automatic playback function)

"...Jan does seem so sweet...and Rem makes me feel all warm...maybe you’re right" They buried their face into the soft fur of the plushie "I want Jan to like hold me like all the time. He's so soft"

(A part of them still felt doubt. Sweet guys had left them before. They tried to press the doubt deep deep down until they couldn’t hear it anymore)

"I really hope Jan like texts me about hanging out soon. Like shopping or eating at some resturant or like going out walking or whatever. I just wanna like talk to him. He seems like tots a good listener right? Would be like good to vent to I guess...I kinda want to...I trust him. I think....I shouldn’t vent....I shouldn’t”

The door opened. The small amount of light coming in made them whimper and hide down under the blanket. Virgil came in. He hunched down by the bed.

“You feeling any better?” 

“Bitch look at me. I’m dying more than a 70′s fashion trend!! Oh woe me!”

He kissed them on the nose before taking out a pill from one of the medicine bottles on their bedside table. Remy immediately tensed up.

If they took that pill then eventually the bottle would be empty and Virgil would have to pay for another and they wouldn’t have any way to make it up to him because they were useless and couldn’t work and could barely even be used properly and he would probably tell them himself how horrible of a burden they were and they were probably supposed to refuse or he would get mad and-

“You need it” He had a soft look in his eyes.

“I’m fine babe!” They spat out in panic.

Virgil grabbed onto their jaw and forced their mouth open. The back of their head got pressed down into the mattress. It hurt. They knew he would just sigh back how Everything hurt to them if they said anything. They grabbed onto his wrist to try and force him away, they couldn’t. He wasn’t strong but they were very weak. 

He pressed the pill down into the back of their mouth. “Swallow” He kept their mouth open until they did as told. “Good. Was that really hard” He muttered sarcastically.

Their whole body was still so tense it ached “Please babe you just sounded like a laughably pathetic daddy dom”

Virgil fiddled with his hoodie strings like he always did when he got flustered “I Uh didnt’ mean to. Gross. Eh. Dinner’s almost ready by the way”

“Don’t burn the stove down” They teased.

“Shut up you smartass” 

“You wish”

“Idiot” He said jokingly before kissing them. He left to check so the stove hadn’t actually burned down.

Remy painstakingly turned to look at you. They pressed the plushie closer. The medicine started to make them drowzy. It did that sometimes.

“My boyfriend doesn’t suck...he’s sweet. so sweet” They mumbled out “Most days he’s so sweet. Like today. And on bad days he just like doesn’t lie. He just says the truth..he gets so anxious about me leaving him....isn’t that like kinda romantic...him being so desperate for me to not leave he just...he just says stuff...and yells...and.....and it’s sweet. He’s so sweet”

They kind of wished Virgil would always be either sweet or honest. It made them so stressed to never know how they had to act. At least their dad never made them stressed like that. He was always angry. That made it easy

Remy gripped onto the stuffie harder. They hated when their brain made connections between his boyfriend and-

“He loves me. He just like loves me so much. All that stuff that sounds bad it’s either ‘cause he’s trying to make me stay, like I would leave or someting, or- or ‘cause it’s true”

....But....But they’d thought the whole thing about how no one else would want them except for their body was true...but if Janus didn’t....then it wasn’t true....Remy couldn’t help but wonder if-

The door opened again. Virgil came in with 2 bowls of black bean soup. The silly wondering was quickly forced away from their thoughts. 

He sat down on the bed next to them and set the bowls onto the bed table they had for bedridden days. He gently put his hands on their back and neck to help them sit up. When they whimpered he kissed them.

“I’m not hungry” Remy muttered.

“Beanie you are”

They could eat on their own but they didn’t say no when he used the spoon to feed them. It made them feel pampered and it made him feel needed. Double win.

“Babe this tastes horrible. just saying as like a warning” They said after finishing half the bowl.

“Like you could do any better” He pressed a playful kiss to their forehead.

“Oh yeah definitely! I just put the ingredient in! And then the like water! and then it’s done! Easy!!”

“Woooow. Wish I’d thought of that”

They smiled “Yeah that’s why you’ve got dick for brain. Bitch”

He simply snapped his finger into their forehead in reply “Wanna watch a horror movie?”

Remy got bored by horror movies and Virgil easily got anxious by them even though he loved them so really he was if they wanted to make out and cuddle to avoid looking at the film.

“You akready know I want to”

They didn’t look which movie he picked. They’d already cuddled up to his side and pressed their head to his chest. He moved his arms around them so he could eat his soup while the movie started.

It was so nice. They could hear his heartbeat through his hoodie. He was so sweet. They were so horrible.

They didn’t deserve it. They didn’t deserve it. They didn’t deserve it.

[blxetsi]

modern levi ackerman dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

levi ackerman x gn!reader

- firstly, lets get love language out of the way

- i think his love language would be acts of service

- so like, he'll brew your coffee for you and set out your favourite mug when he goes to the kitchen to make his tea (bc we all know he'd wake up earlier than you 🙄)

- or he'll pick up a muffin from your favourite bakery on his way home

- or if you ask him to remind you to do something later, he's immediately writing it out on a sticky note and sticking it somewhere youd notice

- he notices youre getting low on your favourite moisturizer ? or lipbalm ? he's taking a picture of the packaging and getting it the next time he drives past walmart or smth

- he just does little things that help make your day better

- now i feel like a lot of people say this already, but he is NOT very comfortable with public displays of affection

- its not that he doesnt like it when you touch him, or hold his hand, or kiss his cheek, he just gets flustered and feels like everyone is watching you two

- but one thing he does allow is looping your arms together while you walk, especially in crowded streets

- it doesnt mean he doesnt like being close with you, he just hates doing it public. when youre alone ? hes ALL OVER YOU.

- "will you play with my hair ?"

- "levi im working."

- "okay can you multitask ?" motherfucker 😐

- doesnt matter if hes the big spoon or little spoon, just being close to you is enough.

- also would try and get used to your love language

- if your love language is physical touch hes genuinely surprised by how many times you put his hands on him each day (NOT in a sexual way) like even his mother never touched him as much and he's a momma's boy 😳

- when you wake up your coming out to the kitchen to fill your coffee, but not before kissing the top of his head as you walk past

- then youre guzzling down your coffee like its water before putting it in the sink and walking back, petting his head in the process

- you'll hug him while hes cooking, or brushing his teeth. youre giving him kisses before he leaves and when he comes home, just little small acts of love, but it happens so frequently that levi cant help but notice it

- your love language is verbal affirmations ? youre getting your coffee while saying "goodmorning beautiful"

- "i love yous" are thrown at him a lot, they never fail to make him feel better

- youll compliment this man and he short circuits for a second, quickly gets used to it as time goes on

- also too i think he'd be taller in a modern au, but not very very tall like erwin, im talking 5'7" to 5'9"

- and he's fine with his height, it doesn't bother him that much, he's the average height of a man so what's the big deal ?

- also he really doesnt care about height either. youre shorter than him ? cool, that means he can bend down to give you little forehead kisses. around the same height as him ? awesome, that makes it easier for him to give you a peck on the lips. taller than him ? mf he'll climb you like a tree if he has to. really doesn't care.

- also doesn't have a preferences for body type or anything. he thinks that character is way more important than looks 100% and he'll always find different things about you beautiful. your laugh is weird ? k now he's making you two watch a john mulaney special to so youll laugh. hate your belly and wanna lose weight, he's holding you and telling you to only lose weight if you genuinely want to be "healthier" and not so you get skinny. your acne scars bother you ? he's kissing your cheeks a lot more than usual, but you can't complain. literally Loves Every Part of You

- also i think his family would absolutely ADORE YOU and his friends for that matter

- miss kuchel is pulling you into a hug the first time she sees you, and is so accomodating and sweet. shes genuinely interested in your interests and what you do for a living, and will NOT hesitate to get levi's baby pictures out if you ask.

- his uncle ? he probably wont be there for the family dinner, but then kuchel's gonna call him up like "levi's s/o ?? absolutely spectacular !!" and then hes like "huh maybe i gotta come visit to see the runt and his lover"

- also i think in a modern au, kuchel wouldve gotten really sick when levi is a boy, so kenny would have came home to take care of his sister and try and take care of levi. in the end she got better, and he went back to his own home, but now she requests that he come for at least one family holidy so they can all spend it together

- BUT back to mr. ackerman

- idk what he'd do in modern times, i used to think he'd be a good english professor for a university, but then i saw a headcanon that he'd go into law school and become a lawyer, and honestly ?? it makes sense

- after a long day at work he just wants to come home to you, he'll find you on the couch reading or doing some of your own work, so he'll just slip off his coat and blazer and undo his tie while slipping off his shoes by the door. before plopping his head in your lap and requesting you to play with his hair.

- if you don't live with him hes taking a shower and then immediately calling you asking to come over. if you can ?? great he'll be in bed waiting to be spooned. if not, thats fine, but levi would like to facetime and rant.

- also has the absolute WORST road rage

- "that little prick cut me off !"

- "levi he's taking his driver's test !"

- "so ? i hope that instructor doesn't give the idiot a pass 🙄" and then will immediately honk his horn at the poor kid.

- also wouldnt be a clean freak like in canonverse. his whole "everything has to be spotless" stuff stems from trauma, specifically being left in an apartment with his decaying mother for weeks on end, but since kuchel is alive that never happens

- were things a little hectic during the time she was sick ? sure ! but kenny always tried to tidy up a bit when he saw it was getting to levi.

- levi just likes things to be neat and tidy, he doesnt do a deep clean of his apartment every two weeks, but always makes sure to clean up his messes as soon as they happen

- also doesnt like to fight

- his mom raised him with the idea that communication is key, and always encouraged him to "explain why hes upset" so they could work together to come up with a solution

- its something hes taken with him to adulthood, and even though sometimes he sounds like hes talking to a child when hes trying to get you to "use your words" he really doesnt mean to

- if youre yelling at him he'll stand there like 😐 and wait until youre out of breath so he can say "okay lets talk about this"

- is also very handy

- have a hole in your wall ? hes coming over to fix it

- need a lightbulb changed ? hes got u dont worry

- you need to assemble a piece of furniture ? he glances at the step by step guide once before hes putting it together

- hes so great at that stuff, and you only have kenny to thank

- literally when kenny first came to stay with levi and kuchel when she was sick, the kitchen light went out and he asked levi to screw another lightbulb in, the poor kid stood there like 🤨 and when kenny said "what ? you don't know how to change a fucking lightbulb ?" levi shook his head and said "uncle kenny im seven 😐"

- kenny was APPALLED. and immediately made it his mission to make levi as handy as himself.

- also, dates with him are rlly lowkey.

- he likes being in your company, so staying home and ordering take out is AWESOME in his opinion. sometimes he'll dress up and make a fancy meal with you.

- if you like going to carnivals and stuff, he's reluctant but eventually caves. wins you a lot of the prizes.

- "fuck. this shit is rigged y/n"

- "sorry levi, lets go do something else !"

- "what ? no. give me another dollar im getting you that fucking turtle"

- hange always wants to see you. levi makes it his life mission to keep you away from them as much as possible. not because he doesnt want you to get along with his friends, just because he knows that hange will spill some embarassing secrets from his college days.

- erwin ? hes okay but hes on thin fucking ice.

- also is very gentlemanly. will not only hold the door for you but for everyone. hes waiting in line for his order and someone comes up behind him and asks him to scootch so they can get some napkins ? mf its grabbing a handful himself and handing it to the person, wishing them a nice day with a small smile. hes just like,, a genuinely good person

- his singing voice ? immaculate. will he sing for you ? no.

- he also loves playing board games with you. like chess or checkers. you love playing board games with him and his friends, specifically monopoly. hange makes moblit form an alliance with them. mike is a lone wolf, and erwin and levi are always helping each other out until erwin betrays him. lots of trust is ruined between these game nights, but you literally cant bring yourself to care because its so fun to watch it unfold

this is my first headcanon thingy !! im v excited !! hope u all enjoyed 🤩✨ should i do more headcanons like these ???

- all in all, levi is a cool guy, and a cool bf.

[linked-fountain]

Any HCs for Time or Legend?

(Or just your favorite boy I love hearing ppl HCs for all of them)

Oh I can do all threeヾ(≧▽≦*)o (bc i love rambling, thanks)

Time->

-Demiace n Bisexual, as he should be<3

-Actually knows a lot of songs to play on his ocarina. Mostly bar songs but the boys don't need to know that;)

-The type to take care of bugs in the house. Gently.

-I know he had closure with Saria but he never had closure with Mido, which i KNOW he was an ass to him but can we please talk about how he thought he could go back to the forest and tell Mido about his adventure? Anyways, Thinking about Mido makes Time's heart hurt.

-Loves vanilla flavor, in anything. Malon came up with vanilla milk and it was the only thing he drank in WEEKS.

-On top of that, he loves Ice Cream<3

-For voice HC, If you have heard Stoick's voice that's exactly what I think Time sounds like. Fatherly, strong but not scary, with the scottish accent n everything.

Legend->

-The type to go away flying if you push him. War's pushed him once in playful manner and sent Legend stumbling.

-See also: Is very light on his feet.

-Knows how to play the piano, discovered once when in the Milk Bar and continued doing it ever since.

-Not only he came heartbroken from Koholint he also got horribly sunburnt. Zero wins there.

-I know people put him as the fashionista bc of Hytopia but did everyone see the costumes? The guy has atrocious fashion sense, garbage disposal walking<3 Tho sometimes, hes the Depressed Librarian™ I mean vests and formal wear tshirts, lots of earthy colors. He has many looks.

-To the surprise of no one, He and Fable? Siblings.

-Four, Wild and Legend def gush about different languages. As in, He learned Sheikah in exchange of teaching Wild another language.

-I just KNOW he has a british accent. Like, Chase from Clown Depot but hes british, thats how I think he sounds.

Hyrule->

-I kind of, like the HC that Hyrule is just a little bit strange in Cryptic way.

-Has lots of scars that sometimes are there and sometimes they aren't. Idk how to explain it but trust me on this.

-Has a "beauty mark" which are those melatonin dark dots. He has two on the arms and one on his neck <3

-aromantic n pan bby!!!!

-Aurora confessed to him and he panicked bc "oh god oh fuck someone likes me n i cant reciprocate" but they talked it out and everything is alright between them.

-Loves cuddling, he feels safe and warm.

-Actually likes jewelry, specially gold jewelry, but doesnt wears it because of obvious reasons. Is all kept safe in a box in the castle tho.

-Since his hair is very curly, he has to keep a brush and special hair cream on him all the time so it doesnt get all knotted.

-I read one fic where he was always by Time's side without realizing bc Time had the Great Fairy Mask and well, Hyrule being a fairy. So yknow what? Yeah, Hyrule feels safe with Time bc fairy boys feel safe with other fairy boys.

-On Time's topic, I like to think that when Hyrule was very young, he was being raised by people that lived in the Temple of Time. He doesn't know tho, until they stumble by their ruins and Time says it.

-Idk why, but I like the idea of Hyrule knowing ancient songs in other languages.

-Leaving all of that behing, I firmly believe he sounds like John Mulaney lmao.