#feeling a bit of a burnout with all the talking i've been doing lately

[obae-me]

Don’t mind me it’s really late at night and I’m in a bit of a yearning mood… This ended up being more angsty then I intended that’s my bad-

Do you think Lucifer dreams of loving MC? That nearly every night he dreams of holding them in his arms to unwind after a harsh day of work, of soft kisses by candlelight, of inviting them to the music room so they can listen to one of his beloved records and dance together, of sharing hushed moments of a type of vulnerability he can’t remember the last time he felt?

Do you think he wakes up from his dreams too soon to a cold half empty bed and remembers that he’s here all on his own with the human he loves far away and blissfully unaware of his predicament? He gets a harsh reality check when he remembers that despite all his dreams and fantasies he’s still alone simply because he’s too scared to say his true feelings? How ironic, the embodiment of confidence and pride, scared to talk about insignificant emotions. Are they even insignificant though? They certainly don’t feel like it to Lucifer, how trivial…

I want my men YEARNING and CONFLICTED-

(Sorry I answered this late, life has been super hectic and I've been taking a social media break but I'm semi back now! We're battling that burnout!) I LOVE yearning! SO MUCH! Especially when it involves Lucifer because it feels so much more complex and impactful (but I'm probably just biased). So, I hope you don't mind me using this ask as an excuse to do a writing warmup since I haven't done anything creative for a while.

Warning for angst and some hurt/no comfort (I'm sorry!)

A tiny seed, thriving and new, ready to be cultivated. Its creation a mystery. Filled with life, hope, and the promise of a forbidden fruit. And what did he do? Crushed it. Destroyed it as soon as the hint of it reared its ugly head.

At first, he wasn't quite sure what it was. So, foolishly, he allowed it to stay, to plant itself in the recesses of his chest where it could rest safe for a while. Just until he figured out what this anomaly meant. Where did it come from? Why? What was it that kept him up at night and stole his focus from his work?

It wasn't till he and the human had found themselves in a quiet moment alone. All he had done was head to their room to inform them of... He can't even remember the details. Can't even recall if there had been an original purpose in the first place. Lucifer had caught them getting ready for the night, sitting in their bed with a pillow held against their chest as they slouched forward, scrolling through their D.D.D.. Immediately, he found himself giving them a mini-lecture on how being glued to a device right before bed would keep them from sleeping properly. It was their duty to-- the usual gist. In the midst of the lecture, his words caught in his own throat as he noticed them hugging the pillow sleepily- albeit a little annoyed with him- staring at his face with their head tilted off to the side.

The seedling was beginning to sprout.

All the pieces clicked into place, a deafening rattle in his head. The lecture ended unfinished, the details he had wished to share with them ignored. He simply bid them a good night before leaving their room. When he returned to his own space, he examined the sprout that had grown. Gentle, just a weak little thing. Plucked. Ripped from the roots, he pressed the heel of his boot against it and wasn't satisfied till it turned to dust.

Feelings? Affection? And for a human? Unacceptable. It had been a mistake to keep it so close to his heart when he had been unaware of its origins.

And he went about his days like normal, feeling colder than he had in weeks.

It was a sigh of relief really. Keeping a plant like that around would only serve him trouble. It required care and attention he did not have the time to give. It was best for everyone involved to nip it in the bud before it had the chance to bloom. After a few days of settling back into normalcy, he found the courage to approach the human again without the pesky irrationalities attached.

A pain. Stabbing. A random tug in his chest and a grip on his throat. The very sight of them now caused him this new affliction. The plant had propagated, wormed an offshoot in the shadows of his marrow and spread throughout his body like a vile invasive weed. It was choking him. It felt like it was killing him.

He tore. He razed. He dug at it with his very fingertips as the thorns his scorn and bitterness had cultured shredded the skin of his hands.

It would not go away so easily.

Madness began to plague his mind. The more he desperately tried to free himself, the deeper the thing embedded. He couldn't stand at the human's side without imagining the warmth of their hand against his. Couldn't walk past the kitchen without checking if they were in their bedroom. Couldn't listen to his favorite records without imagining slowly rocking back and forth with them, their heads resting against each other. Several nights now, he'd awoken from a dream about them. Typically starting out as nightmares, either swamped with work, inprisioned in isolation, or burnt by betrayal. But before his mind could spiral into darkness in those drowsy tragedies, they would come. Lucifer would always hold them in their arms, his face buried in their hair or their clothes, kissing their cheeks, their hands, their shoulders. It was peace. Bliss.

Until he would wake up.

The loneliness was more torturous than he ever imagined it would be. If this was love, he didn't want it. But he did. Sins alive, he did. He wanted to scream till his lungs burst. He wanted the demon in him to run rampant and rebuild everything in his own perfect image. He begged this plant to sprout the poisoned apple so he could bring it to his lips and drown in its tempting flavor.

And the thought of that terrified him.

But what was he to do? Tell them? No...surely not. He'd already seen some of the ways they looked at him. This plant was already vindictive, tangling around his raw vulnerabilities. If he were to be rejected...he doubted it would die. More than likely, it would fester, ruining him completely.

Lucifer, Pride, the Morningstar, see what he'd been reduced to now. Fearful over telling a human his own thoughts. Losing control over something as simple as a basic juvenile feeling.

Ignoring it was hurting him. Feeding it was anguishing him. No matter what he did, it all resulted in the same endless suffering.

And every day he would wake up, nod curtly towards them at breakfast, and go through the same personal hell all over again.

[russellsppttemplates]

hi, I was wondering if you could write something with one of the drivers overworking themselves and the reader sees how badly it’s effecting him and he doesn’t get to spend much time with her and his family and there all worried that he’s may burn out and asks him to take a break and is met with a bit of resistance but eventually agrees, thank you 🥰

Note: I don't have a big Carlos piece yet and I'd be happy to make this into a bigger piece if you'd like 🫶💗

Another week, another opportunity Carlos missed spending time with his family and friends. Lately, his worries got the best of him - as well as the surgery - and he worked a lot. If he wasn't working out, he was in the Sim of in the office reviewing strategies and data, leaving very little time for everyone around him. His lack of contract next year definitely occupied a good part of his mind and everyone else started noticing how much it really was taking up and how it was soon going to be too much if he didn't manage everything well.

"My love, can I talk to you for a second?", you asked as you walked inside the office, seeing his sat in the long sofa instead of at the desk, "sure, come here, cariño", he urged.

"I'm not going to bat around the bush, this is going to be straight off the bat - me and your family are concerned you're running yourself harder than you should, and of you keep going at this rate, you're going to burnout soon", you tried, rubbing his thigh softly.

He pondered his words for a bit, "I have to do all I'm doing, Y/N, if I stop, I'll fall behind - it's bad enough as it is", he argued.

"But it's not doing you any good, handsome, you're more tired, you barely spend time with your family, with me even", you argued back. You didn't want to play that card or make him feel like he was failing you, that wasn't the point, "you're not doing the things that bring you joy outside of your work, and it shows", you attempted again.

"I have to keep working, I can try and make more time for them, but I can't miss my workouts and these data analysis sessions", he reasoned.

"Handsome, I never wanted you to stop all of a sudden - and I knew you wouldn't anyway, I know who I'm dating, believe it or not", you smiled, "all I'm saying is you need to protect yourself too, have a place to just be yourself and let loose for a bit", you grabbed his hand and brought it to your mouth, kissing his knuckles.

"I will try my best", Carlos stated, "I'm sorry if I've been neglecting you", he said and you shook your head.

"No worries, now come and help me because your parents are coming over for dinner!", you have him a cheeky smile, pulling him to the kitchen and away from work for the rest of the day.

(Thank you for sending this in ✨️)

[taylor-titmouse]

Julia is sick of working late. She's sick of being disrespected, and most of all she's sick of her boss. Lance is a burned out, smooth-talking playboy, but he also happens to be the son of the CEO.  When Lance pushes her buttons once too often, Julia is tempted to put him in his place – but is it worth throwing away her career for a moment of satisfaction? Content: -F/M -dom -degradation -small penis humiliation -directed masturbation -power play 5k words,  EPUB and PDF format Only $3, Releases later tonight! you can go read the first two pages on the shop page!

i've mentioned a couple times now that my editor and the author of roger crenshaw: the dogs at duskfall @mortalityplays is now available for freelance work for people other than me, but i don't think i've made as big of a deal how he's ALSO going to start releasing his own smut shorts on the last friday of every month! he is SUCH a talented writer on top of being an excellent editor and it's my absolute delight to work with him on the cover for his first release. FINALLY i have a great answer when asked "is there anyone else writing smut like you?"

and since this was the first time in a while i went through a cover design process that wasn't just me making one for myself, i thought i would go into how it went!

The Prompt

R/L wanted something that didn't visually describe the characters, because he had deliberately avoided that himself in the text. these characters are archetypes, ideas of characters: a woman who works in an office and her playboy burnout boss. for an erotic fantasy scenario, not going into detail can be ideal, as it allows the reader to project their own fantasies onto the characters. but what does that mean for a cover, when showing off the characters is often the point?

The Thumbnails

it means silhouettes, babie! if you're a reader of romance you've probably seen this approach a few times. silhouettes allow you to give the impression of a character without actually specifying them. HOWEVER! that can only go so far. note the female silhouettes in the left and right thumbnails--one with a pony tail, one with her hair down. these two very minor design elements say completely different things about the character, and pin her design down into something specific. (there is a whole line of feminist thought about this, that there is no such thing as an "unmarked" woman, or rather a woman whose presentation does not say something about her, ie a woman not wearing makeup is not perceived as neutral the way a man not wearing makeup is).

so anyway including her in the cover in full doesn't work for the prompt, because how she wears her hair or how she dresses would say something about her that we don't want to say. thus: we chose the middle design!

a man in a shirt and tie are super archetypal, and """neutral""" enough to not say anything specific about lance, our male protagonist, other than he has a job and is of average size (which are of course not technically truly neutral, but for our purposes, are functional as symbols). and while a long, narrow, leg does still say something about julia, it is abstracted enough to simply represent the concept of "woman" without projecting an overall image of her in the reader's head. she has a leg, and she wears high heels. that's all you get!

The Sketch

now we can move on to the sketch stage! this is the point at which the palette and text are figured out. i tried a few fonts before landing on one that had the retro paperback all-caps feel that i liked, and i used what i believe to have been a risograph print texture from retrosupply.

we went with the text up top rather than at the bottom, because it lends weight to the shoe and balances out the blacks in the pants. it also allows the figure to take up more of the cover, which is ideal. honestly, not a whole lot to say about this bit that i didn't cover in thumbnails: which is the point of doing thumbnails in the first place!

The Finish

well you can just scroll up to see that one. the final colors ended up a little less saturated, a little cooler, to bring it home to the retro paperback look i was going for and tie the colors together. i'm very pleased with it and had a lot of fun. cover design is one of my favorite parts of putting out books, and it was especially fun working with someone else to bring their vision to life.

anyway, you should go buy this book! it's only three dollars and i want to make more covers for these! your purchases would prove that i am a very good investment as a cover artist >:)

[chimakiisane]

I know it's been put off for a long time now but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that the 4.8 public demo will be coming soon.

It's been a while since I've talked about it here, and I want to say that no, I did not forget about it. Life has been a struggle juggling my job, depression, and just burnout from stressing myself out with it.

Because of a particular bug that happened to not only me, but someone else in my development server, I wanted to be sure that this bug won't happen to anyone else. So I took it upon myself to go through EVERY existing map and redo what was needed to fix this issue, that being the entire map and all events within it speeding up and making it hard to progress. Doing this has been exhausting trying to pinpoint what exactly needed to be changed, removed, etc. to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else. Zone 3 in particular being a major roadblock with how much stuff is in it.

I'm now at the end of where I now plan to have the new public demo conclude, so people will finally go beyond what they are used to with one extra area, Chapter 1. Once I'm done with that, I'll hand the game to my friends for playtesting, fix any issues I missed, and release the new build publicly for everyone.

And since I mentioned it, I want to state now that Chapter 1 is heavily unfinished. I was hoping to get it more polished up, but art block and burnout have been a real pain to deal with, so some things feel a bit jank as they are right now. Perhaps when I finally get my planned vision out for it, I'll update the build for everyone. There's also a couple other areas that are a tad bit unfinished, but not enough where it feels weird.

Just wanted to let everyone here know what has been going on lately, and hopefully people are excited(??)

[rum-and-shattered-dreams]

The Man Downstairs Status Report -

July 10 2024

It's ahhhh been a while. Thanks so much to everyone who has been patient with this! How are you all doing?

So, first off, the actual status:

It's alive! ALIVE! I will have a chapter ready to post this Saturday evening! Finally! I can't say how often updates will happen but I do still want to finish this so even if it takes a while, I'm gonna get there!

Second:

Why it took so long (and some photos, some with cats and plants) - under the read more...

The reason related to the writing itself is that something was wrong in the story/tone and I knew it but couldn't figure out what it was. Recently, I had a breakthrough and have been rewriting everything that didn't feel right. Also, there was a scene that just didn't fit quite yet as much as I wanted it to so I took that out for now. We'll see what happens with it in the future.

One main non-writing reasons is cats! So many cats! I mentioned finding kittens back in this post and they have a home now... With me XD. (Except one who some acquaintances adopted so now I have nine instead of ten). In order to keep them, I needed to screen in part of my carport to give all of my kitties more space.

Building it was the easy part thanks to a friend. Getting the permit was the worst. But it's done and it's beautiful now! And most of the kitties tolerate each other now thanks to it! (Six of them are here):

Also, I've been putting in a lot of work on the gardens, especially the front one.

Before:

And after:

The dune sunflowers at the front will eventually fill the whole strip and the mulched areas that look a bit barren will fill in as the bushes grow and the wildflowers and ground cover fills in. As an example, here's the side garden when I first planted everything (with rain to illustrate that it also acts as drainage/a retention pond):

And here it is after two years of filling in:

And it's still not even near where it will be in the future!

And here's what the back yard looked like before:

And what it looks like now (yes it looks a bit hairy at the moment because it's in a stage where I'm letting things figure themselves out for a bit and once they're settled, I'll straighten it out more):

Aside from garden work, I also took driving lessons for a second time and actually managed to get my license this time (past all of my overwhelm and shut down associated with driving.)

Also, I was on ADHD meds but didn't like the side effects of not getting restful sleep and constantly having a stupidly high heart rate so I talked to my doctors, stopped taking it, and switched to a supplement program that helps balance things (cortisol, gaba, dopamine etc). It's not an immediately effective solution but it has been improving things over time and doesn't have the side-effects. Otherwise, I've been working on finding other coping mechanisms as well as trying to get meaningful rest to recover from burnout. It is getting better. Being able to write again is a good sign of that. Focus is still iffy a lot but it's improving. (I've been playing a lot of Palia and Stardew Valley lately XD)

So yeah. here's hoping for better things ahead for all of us!

[theklonoafan]

An important update

Eyo! Just a bit of an update. I'll be taking a break off artworks and most social media in general because lately I've felt a bit of burnout...

TLDR: The way I've been making artworks has been straining my ability to make artworks along with algorithm stuff which made me focus less on my health, as such I'm taking a break.

I'm also thinking of sharing my other interests sometime.

In the last few weeks, I've started to feel this tiredness that I keep getting when I try to do an artwork. I wasn't sure then but I just kept not doing artwork when I was supposed to. And when I do have to do it, especially with Klonoa day. I have to force myself to focus on doing the artwork and not make myself do something else to get to finish it in time. I have to cut corners and for go the stuff I usually have on my normal artworks.

And even when I finished, there was another thing that just kept being on my mind and that was focusing on if I posted my stuff too early or too late as I know that artworks can get obfuscated when they don't reach enough people. Twitter didn't help on that feeling either.

That thing made me frustrated and made me just feel angry to others when it isn't their fault that it is like this.

There's also this odd goal I keep trying to aim and that is posting artworks in a constant schedule. I usually keep a 2-3 days break before posting an artwork. I don't know why I had this goal in mind but I feel like I made this because I kept going into an hiatus in the last few days of a month and not meeting my set goal of more than 6-7 artworks per month. XcX

Not to mention I always have this feeling that each time I take a break, I'm seen less and the stuff from earlier doesn't help on that mindset.

Balancing all of these goals in mind really took a toll in myself, especially that I've been talking less to others to try focus on my artworks and as such, made myself less euthanasic on making artworks.

Others told me that I should take a break off this and I'm going to be taking their word and not post as often as I used to. I'll be posting artworks occasionally but not as frequent as before. I'm not cutting all contact entirely though. I'm still available on my Discord on related servers I'm in.

I might also take this opportunity and start sharing the other stuff I'm interested in that is not Klonoa related. I'm trying to make this multifandom and be more than just Klonoa.

It doesn't mean I'm finished with Klonoa, far from it actually. It's more on me wanting to stretch my horizons and be more comfortable on sharing what I have to others. I wanna be more social and talk to others about my interests so I'm starting with this. :0

I'm hoping this break, plus some changes that I've been thinking of will help with what I've been dealing with.

Thanks for reading this far =v=

[luckyfailuregirl]

Okay I think it's time I finally do an intro post

Hello world!! My name's Lucky :]

Or Mila/Milamarie, but I prefer either of the shorter two.

Things I am:

-Genderfluid (I use any pronouns - my pronouns page!!)

-Aroace

-An artist, mostly draws my own ocs nowadays (I don't color often sadly, I'm not confident enough in it)

-A very slow poster,,,, But I'm trying to share my stuff more often!!

-A yapper, most of my posts are really long 💔💔

-The owner of @luckyisgirlfailing ^^

-Accepting doodle requests!! (If you want me to draw your own character, please know that I may take a while and as a human, I may mess up, but I'll try my best !!)

-A MINOR also, so don't be weird anywhere near any of my posts, please and thank you

Speaking of that...

‼️‼️DNI‼️‼️:

-Homophobic and transphobic people, proshippers, NSFW accounts, etc. along those lines, and generally rude and unsupportive people. If you're any of these, distance yourself from my blog.

Insert smooth transition into other topics here/j

My current interests/hyperfixations:

-Pressure (roblox), Phighting (also roblox), IdentityV, OFF, Honkai Star Rail, and My Hero Academia!! I have some other interests on the backburner rn, but these are the main ones I've been thinking about a lot ^^

A quick explanation of my sona/OC of the same name:

-All things considered though, I am currently working through burnout so I don't create much art of said interests unless I feel like it, but it will be posted here eventually once I feel like I have enough media for people to be satisfied with !!!

About the tags I'll be using from here on out:

A lot of my posts at the time of writing this just have general tags, nothing specific to my blog yet, because I've been waiting until I could actually make an intro post. But! From now on, I'll be using the tags listed here for my things :)

#[the luckygirl's delineation!] - art !!! that included anything related to my writing :3

#[the luckygirl's syndrome!] - ranting/random stuff!! (side note: my name did not come from the syndrome/TikTok thing at all actually 😭😭 I've been using this name since I was like 7, I'm just using that term now as a play on words in my tags)

#luckyfailuregirl - for anything including my OC/SONA, not me (others can use this tag too since it's a character tag!!)

#kai talking to me!! yay!!!! - tag meant specifically for my friend kai :]

#reblogs - self explanatory

If some of you have seen my oc Lucky (full title being LuckyFailureGirl), you might be a bit confused on why my main blog is titled that and my RP blog for her is a separate play on words ( @luckyisgirlfailing ). Your confusion completely understandable!! To elaborate though, "LuckyFailureGirl" has always been a username of mine across platforms, so I used that when I came to Tumblr. When I finally wanted to make a blog for Lucky themselves, I realized it was kind of too late,,, and I had to come up with a different title for her blog, but that doesn't change her official title or name. He is my sona/oc, and we share the same name and pronouns, but she also has a very different personality from me at times. She's not really a good person, but she's not meant to be super edgy either!!! You can find more information on her background on her blog, or you can ask me about them. I love talking about my ocs!!!

Anyways! I think that's all I have to say for now. Enjoy your stay, all :]

[nicksbestie]

hello! I don’t know if your requests are open right now, but I would like to ask for a blurb/imagine where y/n feels left out of her friend group and is in a moment of her life where she’s trying to make sense of her path, and one of the boys helps her deal with all of those emotions. lots of crying from her part since I’m a huge #crybaby and zodiac cancer rising

i'm sorry this is so short!!! i've been struggling lately with burnout and my motivation hasn't really been there. I hope you still enjoy it!

word count : 600

warnings : none

<3

There were many points in your life where you felt out of sorts, like you were sitting on the outside of a glass house, the inside being your life, watching everybody you’ve ever met interact with each other.

It was like disassociation to the tenth degree, uncomfortable in every way. Some of these moments happened when you were leaving high school and entering college, or during other awkward transition phases in your life. It fueled your depression heavily, feeling like an outcast. You hated it every time it happened, and unfortunately, it was happening again.

You had been feeling extremely ostracized from your friend group lately. All of them had begun to prioritize each other over you, and you really didn’t know how to handle the change. You didn’t know what you had done wrong, what you could’ve possibly caused for them to begin to distance themselves, but it was tearing you apart. You were feeling so alone, mind drifting into that dark place once more, wanting to just hole up in bed and cry for hours. So, that was exactly what you did. 

Your boyfriend found you like that, three hours later. He’d been gone all day, working, and when he got home, you had fallen asleep, the mental pain exhausting you. He peeked into your shared room to see you asleep, and because he didn’t look any closer, he slipped into the bathroom to shower off before coming to lay down next to you. However, by the time that he got into bed with you, you were slightly stirring awake, and he could see how bloodshot your eyes were and the dried tear tracks running down your face. 

He pressed a kiss to your forehead, his thumb gently wiping away some of the smeared mascara you’d put on that morning, before you knew that your day was going to end badly. You were not yet fully awake, but your brain was conscious enough for you to realize that your boyfriend was finally home, and was there with you. This caused you to wake up a bit more, and the exhaustion of the day and the heaviness of your emotions were weighing on you, and the tears began to fall again. 

You’d been teased as a child for being a crybaby, and while you hated to admit it, it was kind of true. You were just naturally sensitive, and you couldn’t help that the little things made you really emotional. It wasn’t your fault, it was just the way you were, and while you didn’t always like it, you couldn’t really do anything about it. But, with Ashton being there to hold you, it was a little bit better. So, you cried, hugging him tightly. He didn’t press you to talk to him, knowing that sometimes you just needed some time to release your emotions before you wanted to speak about them, so he calmly waited, comforting you in any way he could before softly whispering the question. 

“What happened, my love?” 

You’d been having quite a few days like this recently, and it was nearly always the same answer, but he still asked as if he had no idea what the issue was, giving you a fresh slate every day to talk to him about whatever was bothering you, should it be something different. You just shook your head, not feeling up to answering it. You’d talk to him about it later, but right now, all that mattered was that he was there, and that you knew he always would be, and everything else could wait until later.

[blackjackkent]

The Ebbs and Flows of Programming

I got a very nice shoutout from @vexacarnivorous the other day as part of their writeup of resources in the codeblr sphere. It made me smile and I very much appreciated it. <3

It also made me think a lot.

Vexa shouted me out for the fact that I offer free programming tutoring as part of my Twitch livestream - which is very true, and I welcome anyone requesting it. I love helping people, especially those just getting into the industry. If you would like to reach out to me for assistance, learning, or just chatting about code, please, please do; I am always available for it.

Anyone paying attention, though, might have noticed I haven't done my coding stream except when tutoring in a number of weeks or really posted much about coding at all. The truth is, I haven't really done much programming outside of work for several months.

I've been hesitant to term it "burnout" because it hasn't come with the hallmarks we typically associate with that word - I don't feel depressed, I don't feel resentful or stressed really. But really it is a flavor of the same thing, and I think as someone who prides myself on representing what being a developer is Really Like, I think this sort of thing bears its own round of discussion.

Sometimes you just won't want to code, and that's also okay.

I think this is a difficult thing to conceptualize when you are a new developer. In my experience, those early years in the field are full of excitement and promise. You have so many ideas and there is so much to learn and every bit of new technique or technology feels like opening a treasure trove. For years, I was the poster child for this level of enthusiasm - late nights working on side projects and coming into work with dark circles under my eyes.

And I am not for a moment saying that's a bad thing! Ride that enthusiasm train as far as it will go whenever it comes into the station. :) This is an exciting field and I love seeing anyone get excited about an idea, implement it, run with it, feel fulfilled by making it.

What I want to talk about, though, is the days when it doesn't feel like that - because you will have them. Everyone has them. Personally, I'm 34 and tired. XD Sometimes I go through periods where I just want to play video games and not think about anything after work. And just as often, the urge to work on a project eventually comes back - probably quicker when I don't force it - but it's really easy to be too hard on myself for those periods where the enthusiasm isn't there.

The reason I think this is important to discuss is that there is a LOT of stigma, spoken and unspoken, in the industry against people who leave work at work. There's the concept of the 10x engineer - a developer whose productivity and output matches that of 10 "regular" engineers, and who is constantly in the trenches. There's the vocal admiration for people who drive themselves to distraction, working 80 hour weeks to achieve their vision of some killer app, side project, or even their company's product. This is viewed as the apotheosis of developer-hood, but in truth, it's unhealthy - both for those grinding that way and those who don't want to but are stuck with the image all the same.

I struggle with this image myself. The last few months, a recurring throughline in my therapy session has been - what am I bringing to the world if I'm not producing project output All The Time. It's been a little humbling stepping into the spaces of young developers to offer my help, and realizing that they are full of that exuberance and energy when I am in a slump where I am not.

But what I want to say here, ultimately, is this, and most likely it goes for other callings as well - sometimes you will feel the fire burning within you, and sometimes you won't. Don't get caught in the trap of feeling that your worth as a person (or as a developer) comes in passionate, all-consuming output. The important thing, always, is whether you are doing work, or living life, in a way that makes you feel fulfilled. And I, for one, am proud of you (and learning to be proud of myself) no matter what that looks like.

[akolnoix]

I've been following for a bit and I was wondering about your p4 au(?)/rewrite that you have going on honestly seeing you p4 posting has been making me think about it a lot more recently. Also you have a lovely art style!

thank you! it's honestly nothing very concrete, just an assortment of musings that i play around with in my mind for fun... might as well post some of my ramblings (apologies that it's long and a mess)

-im kinda obsessed with trying to make accomplice ending work? the ending itself in p4g is pretty great (seeing the "yu has forged a bond that cannot be broken" text you get for max social link is sooooo good) and fits thematically, it's just that it has like NO proper buildup to it to make it feel even remotely plausible.

so i'm thinking you'd have to really go out of your way to get it. like in addition to maxing out adachi's SL, you can't advance any other characters' SL past like rank 3 or something early on, and you have to select certain dialogue options (like the original game has so many mean/detached responses you can pick to be a dickhead lol), you have to refuse optional hangouts with your friends. and Then you have to choose to not reveal him. so through consistently refusing to truly connect with/care about the people around you, the protag can somewhat reach a similar worldview to adachi, and conceivably relate to him.

-izanami brings up the tv world also being a product of outside perception, but the actual implementation of it in the game feels messy and often like it's just there as a way to give reason for the shadows desiring transgressive things for shock value without committing to them being real aspects of the characters (like, how kanji's shadow is extremely stereotypically gay not just in mannerisms but in overtly showing interest in men, but in kanji's acceptance+future appearances they make sure to assert that the real kanji is not actually gay)

so i've been kinda toying with the idea that instead of the shadows as presented in p4, there would be like multiple fractured shadows in conflict? like i think it would be neat to play more off the tension between how the characters are perceived by the town vs their repressed selves, idk

-i've been turning naoto's arc around in my head a lot over the years... like the easiest thing to do would be transplant the existing (attempted) narrative to a trans woman naoto. but i also want to do right by canon naoto, who sees himself as a man, desires to be one, only gives up on that because he believes he can't become one, and gets treated like dogshit by the narrative for it. so lately i've drifted to the harder challenge of working out the logistics to make a satisfying+believable arc for trans man naoto. i've got concepts but i don't have enough worked out in this regard yet to talk about here.

-im autistic and rise has always read as such to me, so i'm being self-indulgent and making that an overt aspect of her arc. i grew up subconsciously masking my autism, and it wasn't until i experienced autistic burnout just after graduating highschool that i discovered just how much of myself i had been suppressing, and how much was constructed. it was like i had never known my true self until age 18, or noticed just how badly that repression hurt me.

so um. you might say i saw a lot of myself in rise. she's got a slightly different scenario, but still a pretty autistic one. a child with no friends because everyone thinks they're strange, who decides to learn how to be Normal in hopes of obtaining any human connection. but because she can't be herself, the connections she does make don't feel genuine. her becoming an idol specifically is really fantastic thematically, a career all about commodifying not just your body or talents but your very personality, for a girl highly manufactured on every level to appear Normal.

for the brief period you see her in person before her shadow, rise practically has a flat affect and monotone, with everyone commenting on how different she is from her idol persona, and i'd like to actually retain that as an aspect of her character. i'd like to shift her arc to being about relearning that aspect of herself, and allowing herself to be that. even if just among friends. her idol persona is still part of her (she made it after all, and it can be useful), but she was harming herself by thinking it was all she should be.

i've always hated her going back to being an idol (especially the way they executed it ugh) but it might be nice if she stuck with music...

-yosuke internalized homophobia arc is a gimme

-naturally a major aspect is in the differences btw a playthrough as yu narukami vs femc. as an ex-delinquent she experiences more hostility from the general populace and dojima. oh and i don't care for super self-inserty protags so yu and masami have more established personalities+history+etc.

i imagine the narukami sibling dichotomy is that yu tries to be perfect and masami intentionally disappoints (opposite attention-seeking responses to their ambiguously distant parents), and in their trip to inaba yu takes the opportunity to let loose, while masami reigns in the delinquent behavior (because dojima will actually react to what she does). and they both benefit from the power of friendship etc etc

-sometimes i enjoy daydreaming about a "cross-dressing" sequence that's actually fun. where the crew hang out in yu's room or something and try on each other's stuff for fun. and chie gets a buzz cut

-while it's very true that women can be bigots, that p4 claims that kanji would think that men are more accepting of gender nonconformity in men than women is something just. utterly detached from reality. it makes more sense that he thought there was no possibility of acceptance from boys so he never tried, but he thought there was a chance with girls but was rejected by them too, so he distances himself from everyone.

and i think kanji can be gnc AND gay. for many people there is a real fear of stereotype, of reinforcing them, but that repulsion is misplaced. stereotypes are bad when they are used to dehumanize, but to be a effeminate gay man, a fat butch lesbian, a trans woman with a beard, are not bad things to be. and i think it'd suit kanji to have that sort of conflict, and metatextually to take those aspects of canon that were so negatively presented and transform them

and i think it would suit his love of cute things to eventually start dressing cutesy.

-i've definitely got more in my brain i could say or i forgor but this post is long enough

[wyntereyez]

Over the weekend, I made a few posts about my family driving me crazy, but never explained anything. I think I'll do that now. So here's another Screaming into the Void.

I spent the weekend in North Carolina, in a mountain town, visiting my Dad and his wife. He'd just had knee replacement surgery not quite two months ago, and wanted to see his children.

I didn't want to go.

I even had an excellent excuse not to go, what with my job not giving enough hours and barely scraping by with my bills. But, no, for some reason, there is a direct flight from here to there for under $80 round trip, and my Dad offered to buy the ticket. I had no real excuse to refuse. So I went along with it because a) he's been nagging me to visit and at least this wouldn't cost me anything and I could get it over with, and b) unfortunately, I've been conditioned to be a good little doormat with my family.

My sister was also going. She was even texting me about how excited she'd be to see me, and how we could stay up late and 'girl talk.'

I just told myself, "At least there would be waterfalls." Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, right?

Sure.

Now, my family isn't intentionally cruel. They're just somehow oblivious to how much they just don't understand me, and manage to constantly say things that get on my nerves.

We of course couldn't go a whole weekend without my Dad saying, "You're just like me" about something he wildly misinterprets and I'm not like him at all. In this case, it was traveling. I'm always a little 'off' after a long trip, which makes me a bit listless. I was also unenthusiastic, which had more to do with this particular trip than traveling in itself. But, my Dad thinks I'm just like him about traveling, that I don't like doing it. Before he met his current wife, his vacations were all staycations, and any trips he made were work-related. After meeting her, he'd drive down to see her (he was in Michigan at the time and she was in NC). That was the only traveling he did, and he was content not to have to do more than he needed to.

I, in contrast, have flow to England for a convention. Twice. Our views on travel aren't the same.

There was also the CONSTANT joking about how my sister should bring her children down and I could babysit them. Even my sister's husband said this during a video call she made to him and the kids. I heard this at least half a dozen times in two days. They'd all laugh when I snarl "No." Because my aversion to taking care of others due to caretaker burnout is funny to them. My Dad even joked I should have come down and help take care of him after his surgery when he was grouchy and in pain.

I don't care how terrible I sound, I just can't take care of any of them ever again without losing the last of my sanity.

And then there was how they just didn't listen.

I was there a year ago for their wedding. With Dramamine, I was okay in the mountains. Unfortunately, right before leaving, I realized I was out. I figured I'd get some in North Carolina. But my Dad assured me he had plenty, and he'd give me some. Fine. Cool. That saves me money.

Except...my Dad ignored me asking for Dramamine until about ten minutes before we left to see some waterfalls on Saturday morning. Now, Dramamine needs about an hour to start working. I wanted time for it to, you know, actually be working before getting into a car.

Nope.

And oh, did I pay for that.

For the wedding, I rode in the back of my Dad's truck, which is, shockingly, a big F150. *eyeroll* I'd had my own supply of Dramamine which I took when needed, and I was fine.

This time, my Dad couldn't really drive far, so we took his wife's car.

Five minutes on those mountain roads - which didn't even take us out of their subdivision - I was feeling nauseous. I was overheating and clammy and trembling. We stopped at a gas station, because I'd needed a soda for the caffeine, and I'd made the mistake of mentioning I got caffeine headaches if I didn't have any, and my Dad's wife decided that was what was actually wrong and that I should try chugging my soda and ignored my insistence that it was motion sickness.

I KNOW MY BODY BETTER THAN YOU DO.

I kept getting worse, my Dad's wife asked my Dad how long it typically takes for Dramamine to kick in and he said it usually started working around then. For him, maybe. Also, why does it not occur to you that I want it to work BEFORE I get motion sickness and PREVENT it?!

Long story short, I ended up projectile vomiting. Which I'd never done before. Fortunately, it was on the side of the road. Even after that, they were asking if I felt better now and wanted to try more waterfalls.

Um, NO?!

So we went back to the house. They ignored me when I said I was fine with them showing my sister around and leaving me alone, but I guess they didn't want me to feel left out.

Please, PLEASE, leave me out.

The next day, they wanted to try again, to a closer location in my Dad's truck. I was reluctant, which you would think would be understandable.

But I agreed, because I am Good Obedient Daughter. And once again, my Dad didn't give me the Dramamine until right before we left, this time because it was an impulse decision and they decided they were going NOW.

(My Dad has always been very good at telling me we're going places right before we're going. I've never had time to actually properly get ready.)

This time, we were going to a tourist site that lets you pan for gems. Which, okay, that's kind of awesome, but you want to know why they chose it?

Because of a meme I put on Facebook about adults never sharing their favorite rocks.

A meme.

I can never post anything on Facebook again, because apparently anything I post is either a dig at family, or a huge part of my personality, rather than a freaking MEME.

It turns out, the truck does indeed make me less sick. And the tourist place was close. By the time we got out, the Dramamine had had enough time to do its thing, and I was fine.

I still refused to take another trip that day, though.

I was also forced to socialize with my Dad's wife's son and his wife. I know he's technically my step brother, but we're all adults and have barely interacted, so he's nothing to me. But I had to listen to his full medical history, because it apparently fascinates him. And small talk gives me anxiety, because I'm used to being misunderstood, bullied, or having it shared with complete strangers. I'm in a constant war between wanting to share fun things, and holding back because it never goes well for me.

Meanwhile, I couldn't even eat half the dinner because it had two vegetable dishes that I have texture issues with.

These last two are, admittedly, 'me' issues.

The last fun bits? My Dad and sister were already planning a big summer visit, and assumed I'd be coming as well. At no point was I asked. They also talked about how they'd considered a Michigan visit in which I flew to North Carolina, then drove up with them. In the car that tried to kill me. Again, a trip they never asked me about, and one in which I'd have no control and be completely reliant on them.

My Dad also mentioned he was hoping we'd fall in love with this area and all eventually move there, too.

No. No. NO. You literally live on the side of a ravine. You get icy roads. I would be in a constant state of anxiety. And illness. I don't thrive in isolated areas. Do you know me at all.

Oh. And the girl talk my sister mentioned? She was playing on her phone most of the time. Only some of that was because she was talking with my nephews.

So yeah. My family isn't intentionally terrible, but I'm too broken for them to handle.

[archandshri]

The vision for an illustration breakdown from Shri - 27/04/2024

Hey Archie and everyone!

It's lovely to hear you taking control over your health and not letting anyone/society's expectations of a working/hustle culture control your life - leading to burnout. It really does feel like directly fighting against the capitalistic view when we value fun and rest above work and their view of 'success'

I also couldn't agree more with you - fairs are such a magical place, I've definitely got the best compliments and feedback from them, it always reminded me of the importance art has on people sometimes; always leaving me a bit dazed.

As promised my slightly late blog post is here. (It didn't allow me to edit my original post so)

I mentioned I just did a really big hand-in yesterday with Third Bear Press, so I don't want to go to ham on this post.

I did think about talking about my recent hand in but it's still too soon (I've been staring at those pages for two weeks straight and many weeks before that)

But if you want to have a cheeky look at it go check out the Kickstarter with Third Bear Press!

link: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/thirdbearpress/boxes-2

Anyway actually getting into the blog, I wanted to talk about something I've been pondering recently.

Archie and I were talking a while ago about how they're a bit frustrated with the difference between their vision for an illustration and their skill set - when your skill set doesn't match your creative vision.

And I indeed, I had some thoughts about it.

(also this is not supposed to be an @ at you Archie, I just went on a really long thought tangent).

My first thought was "I used to feel that all the time" Then I was like "Wow I haven't felt that for a long time" Then I thought "Wow that kinda sounds a bit fullhead?!"

But then I was like "Hold up, back up. I don't think it has to do completely with the skillset, it also has to do with the visions/expectations itself?" because I can't remember the last time I had that experience of having that illustration idea the same way I did a few years ago.

They're different, so it got me thinking why?

Breaking down my thoughts

Also, slight disclaimer: I did no research whatsoever for this so it's literally just my thoughts. Anyways, enjoy!

The vision/idea of an illustration

I don't have the same vision for an illustration anymore as I used to. Before I used to start illustrations/projects with a distinct image in mind, and then draw from there.

Nowadays I think of the idea/image and then clarify it with the message/thing I'm trying to convey through the image. Having this clarification on what you are trying to say is so helpful when hitting issues because you can always refuse back to that as a touchstone.

Without it shit hits the fan then it's harder to take that step back and reevaluate the image.

The minds-eye and the vision/idea

So this section of pondering reminded me a lot of the book I read What We See When We Read by Peter Mendelsund (very good book with a lot of nice pictures). This book discusses what we see when we read (hence the title), one of the main points of the book is what our brain actually images/pictures when reading text.

Here is an extract because it explains it better:

These readers contend that the success of a work of fiction hinges on the putative authenticity of the characters. Some readers go further and suggest that the only way they can enjoy a novel is if the main characters are easily visible: "Can you picture, in your mind, what Anna Karenina looks like?" I ask. "Yes," they say, "as if she were standing here in front of me." "What does her nose look like?" "I hadn't thought it out; but now that I think of it, she would be the kind of person who would have a nose like .. "But wait-how did you picture her before I asked? Noseless?" "Well..." "Does she have a heavy brow? Bangs? Where does she hold her weight? Does she slouch? Does she have laugh lines?" (Only a very tedious writer would tell you this much About a character)

pg 24 of What We See When We Read by Peter Mendelsund

This strangeness of the brain of feeling/believing we can see a character in your mind's eye in full clarity - but at the same time, not actually seeing any details?

This is what I think also happens when we have an illustration vision/idea for a piece of artwork, being able to 'see it' but at the same time not.

This then can cause a lot of issues in the fulfilment of this vision for an illustration, because how can you ever go to the standard of your idea if you don't even know what it is exactly your idea is?

The skillset

This I wanted to touch on because although there is more to it then a skillset, skillset does have a play in this - but maybe not in the way you expect it. Although yes if your skillset is better it's easier to meet these expectations for an illustration, I also believe it has a lot do to with processes and how to handle issues in illustration pieces.

So before university, my process for illustration was very simple.

idea for illustration

Sketch out illustration

Line the sketch

Colour the illustration

Finished

And if at any point in this process, the illustration won't working or I run into an issue - I kinda just gave up on it?

My process now:

Idea on illustration (along with what I'm trying to convey through it)

Research (sometimes, depending on the project)

Thumbnails

Initial sketch

Fleshed out sketch

Line

Colour

Texture

Finished

And at any point I run into an issue I solve it, for example, if the hand passion is wrong and just resketch it until I find one that's good.

Obviously, these a big elements of being skilled enough to be able to identify how something is wrong and how to fix it - so there is a sense of drawing mileage by being able to identify those things.

Anyways those our my thought on it - let me know if you guys have any thoughts/ideas on it too!

Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts

Hope everyone has a lovely dinner (I had a really nice roasted cauliflower with other picky bits)

All the good vibes

Shri

[the-white-soul]

I'm apologizing because it feels like I can't do enough to him for you. I could kill him- I really want to- but even then I wouldn't be satisfied. I can't reverse what happened and that thought tortures me. He gloated about what he did to you. I couldn't stop daydreaming up more ways to hurt him the whole time John was talking.

I picked apart the bodies of all his backup in front of him, I cut his face, I threatened him with a vivid death, I belittled him, I stabbed him over and over in the pants until he was dysfunctional, I tied him to a raft so he was helpless, I threatened him again to toss him into the sea if he didn't shout sorries and beg to be let go, I nearly drowned him, scraped his face on the rocks and sand under the water, and I slammed him back onto land.

And yet it wasn't enough.

We can kill him still! Just like you said, we have to ruin his reputation first and get everyone to despise him as he deserves. The next time I have a word with him, I’ll prompt and record him talk about what he did. Then we'll play the recording everywhere we can. Especially for the other cops. We don't even have to be seen to do it. Just play it outside of sight like a prank. Then we watch as they break up and start to realize just how disgusting the person is who they consider a leader.

Once all the people who once trusted him throw him away, you can kill Jackby your own “hand.” I'll just watch by the side. *He then smiles gently, a rather mismatched expression for the topic.* The floor will be yours!

(Chara) "Flowey, that sound fucking awesome! Aim for the dick. Why didn't I think of that? Guess that doesn't matter as much as getting him to justice. Honestly, what I'd want more than anything is to see all of his followers turn their backs on him. That's all I've ever wanted. For people to see him as the jackass he is. I actually had a scar from one of his abuses. Right in my privates as well he had to get me to the hospital. If I could ask my past self one thing, I would walk up to them and beg them to tell the nurse what happened. I forget what story I made up but I believe it was about splits. It doesn't matter. I could've found so many outs. I don't want him to die a hero. If he does, I'll turn into more of a maniac than ever before. Consider yourself lucky Flowey. Of course, I wouldn't blame you for killing him. I'd be more mad at myself. I ran away so many times. He made me scared. He could pinch me down there, he could punch me in the face, he could even choke me a bit. All with the power of fear. He uses fear to get what he wants. Fear makes people powerful but the second they can't use fear they'll be destroyed. It happened with France and Russia, and I hope it'll happen with Jack. The bloody tyrant. *Looked at their blade.* Will live long enough to see himself become the villain. Come on Flowey, let's leave before people get suspicious. *They both start to leave the bathroom* One last thing I must say. If you have the power to do all of that, I'm in good hands! *They both walk out."

(Kara) "What have you two been doing? It's already almost time to go back into trial."

(Noelle) "We still have 20 minutes left."

(Kara) "We can never be late with this important of a case."

(Noelle) "What should we do to pass the time?"

(Kara) "IDK, Flowey please help! You know how to get everyone entertained."

(Noelle) "For better or for worse."

(Kara) "Dess, you and I both want this case to succeed. I want you to please get off his back."

(Noelle) "Fine, yeesh. Calm down a bit."

(Kara) "I'm sorry Dess. This is important."

(Noelle) "It's okay. You being on the brink of burnout aside, yeah Flowey probably knows what we can do."

[ilovedthestars]

For the Asks: 🦋🧩🌻

Please and Thank you!

Hello very polite anonymous friend!! Thank you for the asks!

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

I have been feeling really insecure about my art for....a while now. Months, at least. I think the transition to art school was a big part of that. You know that thing where people who were used to being the smartest/most academically successful student in their class/school go to college and are suddenly surrounded by people who were all the smartest kid at their school, and have a crisis about not being exceptional anymore? Turns out that same thing can happen with artists. It's hard not to compare yourself. And I've been feeling like it's been so long since I got to make the kind of art i want to be making, and made it well.

Fortunately, this semester I've gotten some assignments that give me a little more freedom, and also some opportunities to do some illustration work, and I'm working on several things I'm really excited about right now! I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm dragging myself out of the self-pity hole. (unfortunately all of these projects are on tight deadlines and I'm also fighting off burnout with a shovel rn)

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

Hmmmm...most stuff I don't like I manage to filter out based on tags and summaries. I think a fic that's trying to be funny, but doing it in a way that feels out of character or just isn't my brand of humor, is a pretty immediate nope for me. Likewise if it dips into intense social awkwardness. I have a painfully strong sense of secondhand embarrassment and I'm not putting myself through that XD

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis

@ineedlelittlespace and @cephaliarch , i think I met both of you through exchanging long gushy comments on each others' fics!! I've talked in DMs with both of you a little bit, but it's been a while. I still think of both of you fondly! feel free to say hi anytime :)

[whoneedssexed]

Hi. I need advice. My bf has depression and while it hasn't been terrible while we have been dating , recently he seems more distant and has mentioned he feels stuck in life, he's constantly unsure now which is very not him and keeps quiet and says "I dont know" alot. We and his friends think his depression is slowly coming back, because obviously it doesn't go away. I dont know how to help, because I do feel like its putting a strain on our relationship, we're currently doing long distance due to work so we arnt able to have our similar routine. His communication skills are not the best, we have small arguments frequently mainly due to his lack of interest on the conversation or his small outbursts. Which at the time I didnt put two and two together but now it kinda make sense. I feel like he has become distant and dont seem engaged at all when we have little time to talk. While I feel for him, im getting frustrated because our fight seem to be the same pattern, of him not being able to communicate properly. I've expressed this before as this is all we have at the moment and he seems to understand but doesn't seem to make much effort of trying. I do think the distance has affected this and he doesn't seem to realize, he a very actions person and he has expressed that he feels useless bc he can't do much for me while I'm away. Were so well together in person but lately we seem like a completely different couple . I'm not sure what to do, I think I want to give him some space , which makes me a bit sad bc we hardly have much time to chat. I ask him if he needs alone time ,etc but he can't seem to answer me with a direct answer. During our relationship his depression hasn't been bad , its been maybe mild but nothing to this effect, it's never caused a shift in our relationship but this time it feels different. So im.not sure how to go about this. Any advice would help, I do love him and want our relationship to grow but the past couple of months it seems more draining and mentally exhausting.

I know this is a very, very late response, but when things get like this for depressed people, it can be a red flag for potential suicidal ideation.

That said, being depressed can also cause a lot of brain fog, which makes people indecisive, dissociative, unable to think to the future, etc. This happens because of how exhausting and draining depression can be, especially in a world that demands you always be doing something, anything, at every moment. People with depression are extremely susceptible to burnout.

He could need a change in medication/treatment, or a change in environment, or a change in his support systems. Or sometimes, it's just a temporary rut in life. Doing more positive and/or relaxing things can also help, such as colouring in books, going to a movie, starting a new series, visiting an animal sanctuary, going on a hike, going to an amusement park, etc. Things that don't require a lot of effort and can be simply enjoyed, depending on social tolerances (ex: a museum could be a bad idea because there's too many people and it overwhelms).

There's also the fact that the strain on your relationship could be the cause of the depression and not the other way around. Which is to say, because you guys aren't in your usual routines and aren't able to experience each other often, his depression is returning. A lot of depressed people rely on routine and partner support to supplement their treatments. Breaking routine in particular can leave someone feeling lost, hopeless, confused, stuck, and so on. Plenty of people need routine to feel purpose and direction in their lives.

Depression can cause more arguing because it can deplete one's ability to tolerate others. Again, this is because of how draining depression is, which leaves someone with significantly less spoons and overwhelmed easily. Shutting down is a natural defense mechanism and presents itself as aloofness, sudden bouts of anger, disinterest in anything, inability to conversate, and so on. There can be different ways to treat these individual symptoms which can improve the overall depression.

If he seems to struggle still with communication or explaining what he wants and thinks, have him start keeping a journal or notebook where he writes everything he is feeling, or even draws pictures. Have him jot down any time his mood dips and what happened at the time it did, and maybe he can find triggers for what's going on with him.

But, it is fair to be frustrated. You have your own feelings and likely own problems as well and for the support YOU needed to be taken away is absolutely a frustrating thing. It's a good idea for you to find other support in this trying time to maybe take the pressure off of him.

If you haven't already, I would communicate to him exactly how you're feeling, and that you want to help but you don't know what to do. Ask him what he needs most right now - a distraction? a discussion? a solution? - and follow through. If he can't decide about it, emphasize you're there for when he knows. Additionally, explain to him that there's always gonna be sometimes when you two can't be in person and that he can't fix everything every time, and that you don't expect him to.

Here are some resources for both of you:

Getting Out of a Funk: How to Help Yourself Through Depression

Tips for managing depression in relationships

Babylon: How Depression Can Affect Relationships

Self-care Wellness Toolkit

Worksheet for depression coping skills

How to talk to someone who has depression

How and Why to Practice Self-Care

How can I communicate with someone with depression?

Depression in relationships

How to Tell Someone You're Depressed

Helping Someone with Depression

The Impact Your Mental Health Can Have on Communication

PsychCentral: 10 Self Care Tips for When You Have Depression

Anna Freud: Self Care

What Not to Say or Do to Someone Who Has Depression

Coping with Depression

How to Talk to Your Partner About Your Depression

How Depression Affects My Ability to Communicate

Psychology Today: Why Self Care is Hard for Depressed Individuals

The Royal Australian & New Zealand College of Psychiatrists: Self-care for depression

6 Powerful and Effective Ways to Communicate Better in Relationships

5 Signs that Depression is Eroding Your Relationship

How to Talk about Depression with Family and Friends

Tips On Communicating With Those Who Have Depression

6 Dos and Don'ts for Supporting Someone Who Has Depression

22 Ways to Cope with Your Depression

NIH: Caring For Your Mental Health

Depression Self Help Guide

Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques to Help with Depression Symptoms

Healthy Coping Skills for Depression, Anxiety, and Anger

Clear Minds Center: Tips for Communicating with Someone Who is Depressed

How Depression Effects Relationships and What You Can Do

What to Know About Dating Someone With Depression

Relationships and Communication

How to use mindfulness for depression

Depression in Relationships: When to Say Goodbye

-Mod BP

[pastriibunz]

heres your letter! i'd rather you private answer this if you do im embarrassed by how gay it is

happy birthday, princess. i know you’ve had a couple rough weeks recently, and im sorry i haven’t been able to do very much for you. i’m sorry last night even happened.

but i can do this. by the time you read this, sotbaw will be done and hopefully fully posted or queued it least. i hope every fic i've written for you this month brought you just a sliver of joy, even if they were all late lol.

this is the only letter i'm writing. i scrapped the other ones because of burnout, but this one was so easy to finish, it barely affected me at all. i’m still not the best letter writer, but i do my best.

you’re incredible. i don't want to talk about kai this whole time, but i think she deserves a mention or two at least. nothing goes unanswered (forever) or unturned when you write, and that shines when you write kai. she’s saved you, i know, but she’s saved me, too, and seeing the way she’s developed over the years (although i've missed almost all of them) is so genuinely amazing. both your drawings and writing come to life around her, no matter the tone. sotbaw would’ve been nothing if not for the little bits you helped out on, and really would’ve been nothing if you hadn’t started it, and boosted me along those first few days, not to mention the fact that you created this.

everything you touch, you improve. from our other friends, to the hatchetfield community, to me, my life, and my writing. nothing i’ve ever seen you do has been less than wonderful, and most things have exceeded even that. 

you’re kind, creative, hilarious and gorgeous. somehow you’ve wormed your way into my heart, and my daily routine in just a few months, and if i have any say, you’ll stay there. from the way you connect to other people, to hearing you sing and read while we’re on call, every moment from you is worth keeping in a locket.

and yes, i mean every single moment. the more time i get with you, the more i believe that there may be a god, and he’s gifted me with the most incredible person in the world.

you’re everything to me. i hope, somehow, i make you even a fraction of how happy you make.

i can’t wait to marry you someday. to see you dancing with your friends, singing at the top of your lungs, dressed in what i’m sure will be the prettiest dress in the world, just for the fact it’ll be yours.

i’ll see you in seattle, with our book on the shelf in our living room.

happy 16th birthday. i hope you enjoy your present. you’re the best friend, and best qpp i could ever have dreamed of, and ever have asked for. here is fic 21 and 22, 

surprise! and finale.

yours, 

          raspy <2

im. im literally gonna cry

listen. im not the best with words. not when im not talking about kai. but. i really do love you. i think youre the best thing thats ever happened to me. youve made me better. thank you for everything you do. i love you more than anything.

i cant wait to see you. youll be the most gorgeous woman ive ever seen. not that you arent already are. i just feel itll be better in person.

i love you, raspberrysmoon. thank you for loving me.