#feel like i put more of my soul in these when i do

[prettygirl-gabi]

Title: "Body Shots & Basketball"

Pairing: Paige Bueckers x Reader

Rating: Mature ( MIDNI!!!)

Warning:wlw smut, mentions of alcohol, semi-public sex (fingering r reseving in bar bathroom), !panty theif Paige, !top Paige,!bottom reader, drunk sex, !purple strap Paige, lots of pet names

Fandom: UConn Women’s Basketball

Summary: playing their favorite post-game drinking game: Who Would You Let? You and your friend. When the question turns extra spicy—choosing between Paige or Azzi for a body shot— you hesitates. But Paige overhears

“Okay, next question.”

I leaned back in my barstool, sipping my drink as my best friend grinned mischievously across from me. Ted’s was packed after the UConn women’s game, the usual post-victory energy buzzing through the air.

My best friend, always the instigator, tapped a manicured nail against her shot glass. “Who would you let take a body shot off you—Paige or Azzi?”

I choked on my drink. “Excuse me?”

She smirked. “You heard me.”

I shook my head, laughing. “Oh, you’re messy for that.”

“That’s the game! If you don’t answer, you take two shots. If you do, you gotta explain your reasoning.”

I glanced down at my nearly empty glass, then back up at her. “...Two shots?”

She nodded, raising a brow. “Unless you got an answer.”

I exhaled, pretending to think. “Okay, okay… Paige.”

She gasped dramatically. “Ooooh! You better explain yourself.”

I rolled my eyes. “First of all, both are insanely attractive, so it’s not an easy choice. But Paige is a little more… I don’t know, dangerous.”

My friend snorted. “Dangerous? Paige Bueckers?”

I shrugged, swirling my straw around my drink. “She’s got that flirty menace energy. Like, you know she’d talk her way into getting what she wants.”

“Well, well, well.”

I froze.

That was not my friend’s voice.

I turned slowly, and there she was—Paige Bueckers herself, standing right next to our table, a knowing smirk on her face.

My stomach plummeted.

She was holding a couple of drinks, clearly on her way back to her team, but now, she was watching me like I was the most entertaining thing in the bar.

“You think I’m a menace?” she asked, tilting her head.

My friend, the traitor, grinned. “Oh, she definitely does.”

I buried my face in my hands. “I hate you.”

Paige chuckled, sliding onto the empty stool beside me. “I feel like I deserve an explanation.”

I peeked at her through my fingers. “You were not supposed to hear that.”

“Yeah, well, I did,” she said, shrugging. “And now I’m curious.”

My friend, having the time of her life, nudged me. “Go on, tell her.”

I groaned, taking a long sip of my drink. “I just said you’ve got a little… flirty menace energy.”

Paige grinned. “That’s cute. I like that.”

My brain short-circuited.

Paige leaned in slightly, her voice low. “So, tell me, was that just a game, or do you actually mean it?”

I swallowed. “That depends… are you gonna let me live after this conversation?”

Paige laughed, tapping her fingers against the bar. “That depends… are you gonna let me take you out sometime?”

I blinked. “Wait. What?”

She smirked. “You heard me.”

My friend gasped, gripping my arm. “She manifested this.”

Paige pulled out her phone, sliding it toward me. “Put your number in.”

I hesitated for half a second before typing it in, handing the phone back. Paige looked at the screen, then back at me, grinning. “Perfect.”

She glanced over her shoulder. “We’ve got a table with the team in the back. You two should come hang out.”

My friend and I exchanged looks before she nodded eagerly. “Absolutely.”

Hanging out with the team was insane.

Between the drinks, the jokes, and the endless teasing over what Paige overheard, I was convinced my soul had left my body from sheer embarrassment.

Then Ice cleared her throat. “Alright, we’ve been talking about it long enough.”

I raised a brow. “Talking about what?”

Jana grinned, standing up. “We’re clearing a table.”

My stomach flipped. “For what?”

Paige stretched her arms, smirking. “For a body shot.”

I nearly choked on my drink.

KK whistled. “Damn, Paige really wasted no time.”

I waved my hands. “Hold on—”

Ice and Jana were already moving glasses aside, wiping down the wooden table.

Paige grinned at me. “Well? You picked me, didn’t you?”

My face was on fire. “I was just getting drunk, then!”

Paige shrugged. “So? You said it with your chest. Now let me take my prize.”

The entire team was eating this up, cheering and hyping Paige up.

Paige grabbed my hand, tugging me forward. “C’mon, baby. Let’s make this game official.”

My brain completely shut off at the way she said baby.

My friend shoved me. “Oh my God, just do it.”

I groaned. “Y’all are ridiculous.”

Paige just winked. “And you love it.”

I climbed onto the table after taking my cropped Bueckers jersey of revealing my black spaghetti strapped lace bralette bra, my heart pounding as Paige let out a low whistle as she grabbed the salt and a lime slice.

I barely had time to process before she leaned down, her breath warm against the skin on my neck, near my ear. “You ready, ma?”

I nodded weakly.

She smirked, dragging her tongue across my collarbone before sprinkling salt over it. My entire body broke out in chills.

The room roared.

KK shouted, “Oh, this is legendary.”

Paige took the shot of tequila, licking the salt off my skin before biting into the lime, taking it off my body all while keeping direct eye contact.

I forgot how to breathe.

The bar erupted, the team hollering and laughing while Paige pulled back, grinning.

She wiped her lips, tilting her head. “Still think I’m just a menace, prettygirl?”

I swallowed hard. “You are so dangerous.”

Paige chuckled, pulling me up into her arms. “You love it.”

My brain was mush. “I might.”

She pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Then let’s see where this goes”

A fee mins later and a few more rounds Paige is whispering in my ear. “Let’s get out of here,” she said, her voice low and sultry, in my ear, pulling me back to reality. Without waiting for a response, she took my hand, leading me through the crowd and towards the bathroom at the back of the bar.

Once inside, the small space was dimly lit, and the scent of alcohol mixed with the faint smell of soap filled the air. Paige locked the door behind Us, and my heart raced more as I leaned against the cool tile wall, my pulse quickening with excitement.

“God, you're so pretty,” Paige murmured, her eyes dark with desire. I felt a flush of warmth spread through me as Paige stepped closer, our bodies almost touching. “Can I?” Paige asked, her voice barely above a whisper, her fingers brushing against my right thigh.

“Yes,” I breathed, my mind swirling with the effects of the alcohol and the intensity of Paige’s gaze. Paige knelt before me, her hands guiding my legs apart just enough for her to settle between them. The thrill of being in a bathroom stall, hidden away from the world, only fueled the fire.

As Paige’s fingers danced along my hot, sensitive skin, I felt both nervous and exhilarated. “You’re so soft,” Paige cooed, her touch igniting sparks of pleasure coursing through my body. “I want to make you feel good, baby.”

I closed my eyes, surrendering to the sensations as Paige’s fingers found their way beneath my nylon/leather mini pencil skirt. The world outside faded away, leaving just the two of us in this secret moment. “Paige,” I gasped as she expertly teased me, the warmth of her breath sending shivers down my spine.

“Shh, pretty girl. Just let me take care of you,” Paige whispered, her voice dripping with affection and seduction, as she hook her fingers on my thin thong pulling it down swiftly. I stepped out if then only for her to stuff em in her back pocket, I could hardly think as I felt myself unraveling under Paige’s touch, 3 knuckles deep, thumb on my sensitive clit. She said cooing at my pussy, but holding eye contact with me.

The combination of alcohol and desire creating a heady mix that left me breathless.

But just as the pleasure began to mount, Paige pulled away, a mischievous grin on her face. “Let’s take this back to my dorm,” she suggested, her eyes sparkling with excitement, and without waiting for a response, she grabbed my hand and led me out of the bathroom, but not before making my lower only skirt covered lower body look decent.

Paige tapped Ice and let her know what what happening with her and I.

Ice giving us the smirk and nod of approval, even pushing us closer to the door of the bar.

The walk to Paige’s dorm felt like a dream, each step filled with anticipation. Once inside, Paige kick the door closed behind us. The dim light from the common room cast a soft glow, and I felt a rush of exhilaration as I took in the cozy space.

Paige turned to me, her gaze intense. “You trust me, right?” she asked, her voice low and sultry, as she led me to her room. I nodded, my heart racing as I watched Paige reach into her drawer and pull out a purple(lavender-ish) strap. The sight sent a thrill of excitement through me, and I swallowed hard, my body responding eagerly to the suggestion of what was to come.

“Good girl,” Paige purred, her eyes dark with desire. “Now, come here, pretty girl.” She beckoned me closer, her voice is smooth and coaxing, wrapping me into a trance.

As I stepped closer, Paige’s hands found my waist, pulling me in for a tender kiss. It was soft at first, a gentle exploration that quickly turned passionate as I melted against her. “You’re so beautiful, ma,” Paige murmured against myblips, showering me with pet names that sent delightful shivers coursing through my body.

With deliberate slowness, Paige guided me to the bed, our lips never breaking contact as they tumbled onto the soft sheets. “I want to make you feel amazing,” Paige whispered, her voice a husky promise that made my heart race.

“Yes please,” I breathed, my body aching for more. The alcohol had stripped away all of my inhibitions, leaving me vulnerable yet exhilarated, and I craved every bit of attention Paige was willing to give.

Paige took her time, running her hands over my body, teasing and exploring until I was a whimpering mess beneath her. “You’re my good girl, aren’t you?” Paige asked, her voice dripping with affection and desire. I nodded, a soft whimper escaping my lips as I felt the strap press against me.

“Tell me how you feel, baby,” Paige coaxed, her eyes locked onto mine, searching for reassurance and a connection that felt deeper than the physical.

“Full P, so full” I gasped, my breath hitching as Paige began to move, the sensation intense and overwhelming. “So good.”

“Just like that, mamas,” Paige encouraged, her voice a soothing balm against the waves of pleasure crashing over me. With each thrust, I felt myself spiraling, every sound, every touch amplifying the ecstasy building within her.

“Look at you, so beautiful,” Paige murmured, her hands gripping my hips as she guided our rhythm, the tension between Us palpable. “I love how you feel, baby. You’re mine tonight.”

“Fuckk, Pa-Paige so good,” I say holding in a moan. “Nah, ma let me hear them pretty lil moans.” I gasp letting out a moan when she slaps my clit lightly. Bucking my hips to meet the thrust of Paige's hips.

“Yes, so-fuckin good P.” I let out soft moans getting louder with each thrust. “Such a, pretty girl, with a pretty pussy.” I nod my head letting more whimpers fall from my mouth.

Paige could tell I was getting closer by the way my legs shook, the way my jaw is relaxed. My body shook, eyes rolling to the back of my head. “That's it mamas, cum on dick I think your can.” Clenching around the purple strap I let out an almost pornographic moan.

I could tell paige was getting close ad there thrust go sloppy, soon throwing her head back letting out the almost same moan I did.

“S..Shhit ma, did a good job for me. Yeah” Paige said after we rode out our high slowly pulling the strap of my pussy. “Mm, so good P.”

She carefully took the strap off, before walking to the bathroom and cleaning strap before coming back with a warm wet cloth. Gently either her and I holding eye contact she gently wiped me completely clean.

“Wow! That-that was-” I say, as Paige climbs in the bed with me and finishing my statement. “Amazing, it was amazing.”

“Yeah, Amazing.”

The first thing I noticed was warmth.

Not the kind that came from the sunlight peeking through the blinds or the heat of the comforter tangled around my legs—but the kind that came from another person.

Specifically, the 6’0” basketball menace currently wrapped around me like she had no plans of letting go.

I blinked, slowly adjusting to my surroundings. Paige’s dorm. Paige’s bed. Paige’s arm draped over my waist, her face buried in the crook of my neck.

Oh.

Last night came rushing back like a highlight reel: the game, the drinking, the body shot, Paige licking salt off my skin like it was her job—

I squeezed my eyes shut. Jesus Christ.

“You’re thinking really hard for someone who should just be enjoying the moment,” a raspy voice murmured against my shoulder.

I opened my eyes to find Paige peeking up at me, a lazy grin on her lips.

Her morning voice? Not fair.

I rolled onto my side, our faces inches apart. “You always this cuddly?”

Paige shrugged, fingers tracing absentminded circles on my hip. “Not really. Just with people I like.”

People she likes.

I swallowed, suddenly feeling like the air between us was heavier than before.

She must’ve noticed because her grin turned teasing. “What? You shy now? You didn’t seem shy when I was licking salt off you in front of half the team.”

I groaned, burying my face in her pillow. “I will actually pass away if you bring that up again.”

She laughed, tugging me closer. “Nah, I kinda like seeing you all flustered.”

I peeked up at her, biting my lip. “So… last night wasn’t just a drunken dare?”

Paige shook her head, her fingers brushing a strand of hair from my face. “Nah, baby. That was me finally getting what I wanted.”

My heart stuttered.

I was so not prepared for Paige Bueckers to be this smooth first thing in the morning.

Still, I had to keep things light before my brain short-circuited completely. “Damn, what do you mean?”

Paige smirked. “I had a feeling, from the firt mom i saw you come out of communications with Azzi, if we'rebeung for reak here.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “Okay, menace, sure.. the paige bueckers had a crush on mee.”

She tapped her chin, pretending to think. “Actually, I believe the term you used was flirty menace, and yes I did-do have a crush on you. Like you're somethin else ya know.”

“Oh my God—” I say covering my face to try and hide my embarrassment.

Paige grinned, rolling fully on top of me, arms caging me in. “You’re really cute when you’re embarrassed, you know that?”

I stared up at her, my heart pounding. “You’re really cute when you’re not terrorizing me first thing in the morning.”

Paige chuckled, leaning in slightly, her nose brushing mine. “You love it.”

I exhaled, feeling her breath against my lips. “I might.”

Her eyes searched mine, something softer replacing the teasing glint she usually carried. “Good,” she murmured. “Because I meant what I said last night.”

I raised a brow. “Which part? You said a lot of reckless things.”

She rolled her eyes, but the smile on her lips didn’t fade. “The part where I said I wanted to see where this goes.”

I felt my stomach flip. “You serious?”

Paige nodded. “Yeah. I don’t do the whole ‘let’s pretend it didn’t happen’ thing. I like you. Always have. And if I’m being honest, I don’t really want to wake up without you in my bed. Now that ive had you.”

My brain was rapidly buffering.

Was Paige Bueckers—Paige Bueckers—asking me to be with her?

I swallowed, forcing myself to sound normal despite the emotional meltdown happening inside me. “So… if I were to ask you, what are we right now—”

Paige cut me off immediately. “We’re something special.”

My breath hitched.

She tilted her head, waiting. “Be my girl?”

I stared at her, every ounce of smartass energy draining from my body.

There was only one answer.

I reached up, running a hand through her messy blonde hair before pulling her down into a soft kiss.

Her lips curved against mine, like she already knew.

I smiled as I pulled back. “Yeah, Paige. I’ll be your girl.”

She kissed my temple with tenderness, before kissing all over my face giving my lips the final kiss.

---

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-Thank You For Reading!🩵🩶

-prettygirl-gabi🎀✨️

[sergeantbarnessdoll]

Can I request one where Reader is emotionally unavailable and doesn't believe in love but Bucky has been harboring a long time crush on her and is in love with her but it's unrequited. Reader's parents were divorced and didn't have a good marriage (Reader's mom was abused by her dad) and the relationships of the people closest to her like friends and relatives also weren't that good either and she had also met not so many great men and some were abusive as well so she just became pessimistic and stopped believing in love and doesn't think true love exists. He's trying to get her to change her mind on love,romance and relationship/marriage and has been trying to tear down the walls she's built around herself so she would give him a chance. His efforts didn't go unnoticed and Reader finally realized how much Bucky really loves her and how deep his feelings run for her and started reciprocating. She let him take her out on dates and as she spends more and more time with him,she slowly falls in love with him too. She finally realizes how amazing he is and what a beautiful soul he has. Happy endings all around,of course! Bonus if there's a fast forward years later where Bucky proposed and they got married and finally got their happily ever after.

Love Exists » Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: Bucky tries to get you to believe that love exists again.

Warnings: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, language, mentions of divorce (reader’s parents), mentions of past abuse/bad relationships, crying, kissing, pet names

A/N: Thank you for the beautifully descriptive request, nonnie🩵

Written on my phone. My apologies for any mistakes.

Header made by @buck-star

GIF IS NOT MINE! Gif credit goes to the creator.

For as long as Bucky has known you, he’s always had a huge crush on you. It’s no secret. He always makes it obvious. He gets butterflies in his stomach and his heart skips a beat every time he sees you. He always shows you little pieces of affection. He doesn’t always expect you to show him affection back. He just wants you to know that he’s always there for you when you need him. In other words, the former Winter Soldier is a big softie for you.

Bucky knows about what happened between your parents, abuse and divorce. He also knows you didn’t have good relationships with other people like relatives and friends. What he doesn’t know is what happened with guys you dated in the past, which resulted in abuse. You just don’t want him to think you’re broke and unlovable. You now believe that love doesn’t exist anymore. It’s something you came to terms with after being in not so great relationships.

Bucky has always been a great friend to you, which makes you feel bad for not telling him about what actually happened in your past relationships. You want to tell him, but at the same time, you don’t want to. You feel like he’ll stop being your friend cause you didn’t tell him sooner.

You and Bucky haven’t seen each other in a few days due yo him being on a mission. Today, Bucky wants to take you out to lunch. Not as a date. He just wants to hangout with you. He bought your favorite flowers before going to your house.

“Hi, Bucky.” You greeted softly, stepping aside to allow him to come inside.

“Hi, doll.” Bucky smiles, handing you the bouquet of flowers.

You gave him a small smile as you took the flowers out of his hand. You went to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase with water. Bucky followed behind you.

“Do you want to go out to lunch or something?” He asks.

“Sure.” You answered. “What restaurant do you have in mind?” You asked.

“We can go to your favorite restaurant if you want. My treat.” He says sweetly.

“Ok.” You say with a small smile.

When you and Bucky got to your favorite restaurant and ordered, you two caught up with each other.

“That’s enough about me. How are you, doll?” Bucky says.

“I’m ok.” You say, fiddling with your fingers.

Bucky picked up on that. He knows it’s something you do when you’re nervous or when something is on your mind.

“What’s wrong?” He asks softly.

“It’s nothing.” You say quietly.

“It’s not nothing if something is bothering you.” He says.

You continued to fiddle with your fingers. Bucky put his hands in yours to get you to stop fiddling with your fingers.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” He says.

You nodded.

“Tell me what it is.” He murmurs softly.

You stared at the table for a few seconds before saying anything and looking up at him.

“I haven’t told you everything about me.” You mumbled.

“What do you mean?” He asks.

“You know how my parent’s marriage ended, right?” You say.

“Yea. Your dad hurt your mom.” Bucky says, referring to abuse.

“Well…” You nervously began. “I was also in that kind of relationship in past relationships.” You finally tell him.

Bucky’s facial expressions softened and his jaw clenched at the thought of someone laying a hand on you.

“I’m sorry you went through that.” He almost whispers.

Bucky reached a hand up to caress your cheek, but you moved back out of instinct. He quickly retracted his hand.

“Sorry.” You mumbled. “It’s something I do when people raise their hands.” You say.

“It’s ok. I understand.” He murmurs in an understanding voice.

Bucky can’t help but wonder if that’s the reason why you don’t show any kind of affection for him. He doesn’t want to pester you about it, but he wants you to know you’re loved.

The next day, Bucky texted you to come to the Avengers compound. He told you that he wants to talk to you, but he didn’t tell you what he wants to talk about.

“Hi, Bucky.” You greeted him as you walked in the lounge room.

“Hi, doll.” Bucky smiles.

“Your text said you wanted to talk.” You say. “What do you want to talk about?” You asked.

“It’s about what you told me yesterday.” He says.

You felt your heart drop to the pit of your stomach when he said that. You knew you shouldn’t have told him. Now, you’re he thinks you’re broken and unlovable and you’re probably going to lose him as your friend.

“What- What about it?” You asked nervously.

“I can’t imagine what you went through in your past relationships, but you’ll always have me. I’ll love you no matter what.” He says.

“That’s the problem, Bucky. Love doesn’t exist for me anymore.” You say.

“Of course it does, doll.” He says, trying to stay positive.

“No it doesn’t! My relationships with relatives, friends, and exes basically told me that I’m incapable of being loved. I had a hard time coming to terms with it.” You say, your eyes tearing up.

“Doll…” Bucky begins.

“I’m sorry. I have to go.” You say, your voice cracking.

You stood up and left, accidentally bumping into Steve on your way out.

“Why’s Y/N crying?” Steve asks Bucky.

“She told me something personal yesterday and I stupidly brought it up.” Bucky tells him.

“It’s not stupid if you care. I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by it. I’m sure she’ll understand how much you care about her once you tell her.” He says.

“That’s the thing, Steve. She thinks love doesn’t exist anymore.” He says.

“Try talking to her again.” He suggests.

Bucky knows Steve is right. All he has to do is explain how love exists again and maybe, just maybe, you’ll think love still exists for you.

“You’re right. Thanks, man.” Bucky smiles.

“Anytime, Buck.” Steve smiles back, patting his shoulder.

Bucky then got on his motorcycle and zoomed through traffic to get to your house. You heard the sound of his motorcycle and opened the door before he even knocked. You hugged him before he walked inside of your house.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled against his chest.

“You don’t have to apologize, doll. I understand.” Bucky almost whispers. “Will you at least hear me out?” He asks softly.

You thought about it for a moment before nodding your head yes. Bucky gently guided you back in the house, closing the door behind him. You two went to the living room and sat down on the couch.

“What I was trying to say earlier was love does exist. You don’t have to believe it right now.” Bucky says, looking in your eyes.

“I don’t know, Bucky.” You mumbled quietly, looking down at your lap and playing with your fingers. “What if I never believe it exists?” You asked.

“You will. Just give it time.” He puts a comforting hand on your knee. “I’m saying this as the man who’s in love with you.” He says.

“Wh-What?” You asked.

“I’m in love with you.” He repeats. “I have been since we meet.” He admits.

Your bottom lip quivered and your eyes teared up. You think it’s sweet that Bucky’s in love with you, but how can someone be in love with someone who doesn’t believe love exists anymore.

“How can you be in love with someone who doesn’t believe love exists?” You asked, your voice cracking.

“I think you’re absolutely gorgeous, my heart skips a beat every time I see you, and you make me smile.” He tells you softly.

“But I’m unlovable.” You say.

“You are absolutely lovable.” Bucky gently caresses your cheek. “Give it time and you’ll feel what I feel.” He murmurs softly.

You stared in his blue eyes and nodded. Bucky gave you a kiss on your forehead.

“When you’re ready, we’ll take it slow and one step at a time.” He says, wiping your tears away.

At first you didn’t really think about it cause of your past relationships, but at the same time, it gave you a lot to think about. That’s all you thought about for the next couple of weeks. You slowly started coming around to the idea of love existing for you.

You went to the Avengers compound to talk to Bucky. You know you should’ve called or texted him first, but you just wanted to see him and tell him what you think in person. You walked in the gym to see Bucky training with Steve.

“Buck, Y/N is here.” Steve says, pointing at you.

Bucky turns around, smiling when he seen you. He cut training short with Steve to talk to you. Steve doesn’t mind. He’s just happy that his best friend is in love.

“Hey, doll.” Bucky smiles. “What’s up?” He says.

“I want to talk to you about something important.” You say. “Can we talk now or are you busy?” You asked.

“I’m not busy.” He says.

“What about your training with Steve?” You asked.

“He understands.” He says.

Bucky lead you to the lounge room so you two can talk privately.

“What do you want to talk about?” He asks.

“What you told me the last time we saw each other.” You said. “I wasn’t sure at first, but I thought about it after a while. I’m slowly starting to believe love exists for me. You made it sound believable.” You say.

“Doll, that’s great! I’m happy for you!” He exclaims softly.

“I’m in love with you too.” You admitted. “But I’m scared.” You say.

“Scared of what, doll?” He asks.

“Of getting hurt in more than one way.” You say in almost a whisper, your voice cracking and your eyes tearing up.

“I won’t ever hurt you in the ways your exes did. I’m not that kind of man. If anything I’ll protect you.” He says softly.

“Promise?” You asked.

“I promise.” He promises in a soft whisper.

Bucky gave you a soft kiss on your cheek before looking in your eyes and holding your hands in his.

“Can I take you on a date?” Bucky asks softly.

“Yes.” You smiled.

This smile is bigger than the other ones he has seen. His heart skipped a beat when he seen it.

“Is tomorrow night at 7pm too soon for you?” He asks.

“No, but I’m nervous. It’s been a while since I’ve been on a date.” You say.

“It’s ok. I haven’t been on a date in a while either. I assure you it’ll be nice.” He says.

You smiled and nodded. You stood on your tippy toes and kissed his cheek, making his heart flutter in his chest.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night.” Bucky says.

“You too.” You says.

Bucky smiles as he watched you walk away. That smile remained on his face for the day.

The next day, as your date with Bucky got closer, your nerves set in even more. You weren’t having second thoughts about your date with him or anything. You just feel even more nervous. A little bit of your nerves calmed down when you got a text from Bucky.

Bucky: I’m on my way

You: I’ll be waiting

You turned your phone off and looked in the mirror. You took a deep breath and smoothed out your dress and made sure you look nice for Bucky. More nerves settled in when Bucky knocked on the door. Your heart started pounding. You took a deep breath before opening the door.

“Wow…” Bucky was stunned by your beauty. “You look gorgeous.” He compliments.

“Really?” You asked.

“Yes.” He smiles.

“Thank you.” You smiled back. “You look handsome.” You complimented.

“I think we both know you’re the one with all of the beauty, doll.” He compliments again, making you blush. “You ready for our date?” He asks.

“Yes.” You smiled.

Bucky held his hand out for yours. You put your hand in his and you two left for yours and his date.

“Are you still nervous?” Bucky asks.

You nodded your head yes.

“It’s ok. You have me.” He assures softly.

Bucky treated you like a princess the whole night, the way you’re supposed to be treated. Unlike how you were treated by your exes. Bucky’s love for you is real and you’re starting to believe more that love exists still for you.

“Bucky?” You say softly.

“Yes, doll?” Bucky asks.

“Thank you getting me to believe that love still exists for me, even though it took a while.” You say.

Bucky smiles and picked up your hand, bring it to his lips and kissed it softly.

“You don’t have to thank me, doll. I’m happy you’re able to believe in it again.” He says softly.

Bucky’s eyes glanced down at your lips and then looked deep in your eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks.

“Yes.” You answered.

Bucky’s hand gently caressed your cheek and leaned in, kissing you softly, sweetly, and passionately. Your hands grasped his shirt, clutching the fabric in your hands. You quickly melted into his touch. His lips felt soft against yours and moves in sync with yours. You two smiled against each other’s lips. As you two continued to kiss passionately, you could see a future with Bucky. Bucky can see that same future with you.

———

“Where are you taking me, baby?” You asked with a small giggle.

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out, babydoll.” Bucky says, kissing your cheek.

Bucky told you he had a surprise for you. He blindfolded you for it. He’s carefully guiding you to where the surprise is, which happens to be in yours and his favorite spot in the park.

“You can take the blindfold off now.” He says.

You took the blindfold off, gasping softly. There were rose petals in the shape of heart on the ground.

“Bucky, this is-” You turned around, gasping again when you seen Bucky down on one knee with a small velvet box that has the most beautiful diamond ring you’ve ever seen in it.

“I love you more than anything in this world, doll. You mean so much to me. Would you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?” He asks softly.

“Yes!” You answered happily with tears of joy rolling down your cheeks.

Bucky smiles widely and put the ring on your finger. He stood up and kissed you passionately, holding you close to him. You then looked at the diamond ring on your finger, smiling widely.

“Mrs. Barnes has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” Bucky says.

“It has a beautiful ring to it.” You agreed with a smile, kissing him softly.

———

You woke up to the sound of waves outside and the sun shining through the window of yours and Bucky’s honeymoon suit. You rubbed your eyes and stretched. You turned over, met by your husband’s loving gaze.

“Good morning, Mrs Barnes.” Bucky murmurs, kissing you good morning.

“Good morning, Mr. Barnes.” You murmured back softly.

“I have the most gorgeous wife.” He almost whispers, caressing your cheek and looking deep in your eyes.

You couldn’t help but blush and smile uncontrollably. You’re finally Bucky’s wife and he’s finally your husband.

“I love you so much, baby.” You whispered.

“I love you more, babydoll.” He whispers back.

Bucky’s love for you and his vows to you is prove enough that love exists and you have him to thank for it. You feel more than lucky to have a man like him as your husband. You’re going to spend the rest of your life cherishing that love.

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

-Bucky’s Doll

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

Hey there!

This month felt endless, am I right? Can’t believe it’s finally over.

This is a list of all the fics I read in January, I started writing it at the beginning of the month so they are in chronological order based on when I read them.

There’s a lot of stories but I still feel like I haven’t read enough lol

I loved every single work on this list so I highly recommend for you to read them and give some love to authors! They’re unbelievably talented and bring so much joy to this fandom, someone even in my life but this is another story.

I put the link to the Masterlist for series, so you can see all the chapters, some of them are ongoing and some are finished.

Please mind the tags and warnings to make sure a story doesn’t trigger you and makes you uncomfortable, I’m not responsible for what you choose to read, only you are.

Happy reading!

❋ Consume - @sunshineispunk

Stepdad!Joel x reader , DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

❋ Liquid Gold - @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Joel Miller x f pregnant!reader x Tommy Miller

You are super pregnant and currently miserable after a third trimester issue crops up. You don’t know how to fix it, and Joel is determined to make you comfortable again. Will he come up with the right solution or are you going to spend the last few weeks of your pregnancy in awful pain? (Lactat!on kink)

❋ The First Time - @fettuccin-e

Frankie Morales x afab!reader

Size kink

❋ Mouthful - @pedgito

Joel miller x reader

Joel finds the perfect way to keep you quiet while he showers you with compliments.

❋ Holiday Heat - @baronessvonglitter

Joel Miller x f!reader

Only one bed trope, grumpy x sunshine, age gap, strangers to lovers

Sharing a hotel room with a grumpy (and handsome) stranger while a storm makes travel inaccessible. What could possibly go wrong?

❋ The Warden - @arcanefox207

Joel Miller x f!reader - DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

Your hike into the woods doesn’t go as planned when a depraved Game Warden catches you breaking the rules.

❋ Quicksand - @javier-pena

Pedro's unnamed character in Materialists x f!reader

You meet a stranger at a party

❋ Borrowed Time - @aurorawritestoescape

Joel Miller x f!reader

Joel and you are enjoying an ideal vacation together. Warm ocean, white sand, soft kisses, and hot sex make it feel like paradise. But as your time here is running out, the thoughts that you‘ve been trying to keep at bay start eating at your soul.

❋ After hours - @mssalo

Sub!Joel x Dom f!reader

❋ Wandering Hands - @gothcsz

Javier Peña x f!reader

Javi can't keep his hands off you during a dinner with some friends.

❋ Strangers - @joelmillerisapunk

Stripper!Javier Peña x f!reader

you meet a sexy stripper at your bestie's bachelorette party and he tries his absolute hardest to get your number

❋ Law of Attraction - @baronessvonglitter (Series Masterlist link)

Dave York x f!reader - Romcom AU

Dealing with emotions is difficult when you and Dave realize how you really feel about each other. When a night in turns sour, you seek help from an unexpected source.

❋ Easy - @slowdivinqs

Joel Miller x f!reader

waking Joel up in the best way possible.

❋ Bad blood - @aurorawritestoescape (Series Masterlist link)

you want your stepdad and your step uncle offers to help

step uncle Joel Miller x f!reader x stepdad Tommy Miller

❋ Never have I ever - @wannab-urs

Dieter Bravo x afab!reader

You and Dieter play never have I ever and it gets spicy.

❋ My paramour, my evermore - A Joel Miller Story - @schnarfer (Knights and Kings AU)

Joel Miller x f!reader

Joel Miller is the loss of your life

❋ Let's Go - @thundermartini DBF!Joel x f!reader

you decide to channel your inner party girl on this Friday night. But things won’t go as planned. You’ll get even more from this night than a dance in a club and free drinks from strangers. (Or, I just wanted a pretext to imagine bouncer!joel railing me in the back room of a club.

❋ Yes ma’am - @sizzlingcloudmentality

Dave York x dominatrix!reader

life goes sideways and Dave is close to snapping. he needs professional help. aka let himself be dominated and be at the receiving end for once. good thing he has your number.

❋ Untitled - @aurorawritestoescape

Joel’s twin x f!reader || 500 words

❋ Girl Dinner - @slimybeth69 Dead dove do not eat (Series Masterlist link)

Joel Miller x f!reader

After the civilized world you once knew came to an end-- the men that survived... well they just take, take, take. Growing tired of having things taken from you-- you have a hankerin' to take somethin' for yourself... and make him perfect.

❋ Foxglove Downs - @whocaresstillthelouvre (Series Masterlist link)

Marcus Acacius x f!reader x Lucius Verus

In the exclusive realm of elite show jumping, where wealth stretches as far as the polished estates, Marcus Acacius and Lucius Verus are locked in a fierce competition that reaches far beyond the arena.

❋ No strings to hold me down - @baronessvonglitter

fwb!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Enjoying the freedom of being friends with benefits with Joel Miller, a new emotion flares when you see him out with someone much younger.

❋ What’s a Tomdaya? - @604to647

Modern!Pero Tovar x fem!reader

Pero regrets getting into a group chat with your friends

❋ Prisoner - @almostempty

f!reader x Din Djarin

this time our fav bounty hunter is the bounty and you're on a mission to capture him and claim your reward

❋ Final part of the neighbor series - Masterlist - @gothcsz

Javier Peña x f!reader

❋ All the good girls go to hell - Masterlist - @aurorawritestoescape

Stepdad!Joel Miller x f!reader

you can't stop thinking about your stepdad so you do something risky to have a little more of him. But Joel is not the "little more" kind of guy.

❋ Close-up - @milla-frenchy

Joel Miller x f!reader

Joel receives a script that takes him back to the memories of your love story. He realizes that out of protective instinct after the break up, he has not been honest neither with his own feelings nor with you

❋ El cumpleañero - @gothcsz

Javier Peña x f!reader

It's Javier's birthday, so you show up to his party and things get fun.

❋ Reincarnated - @joelmillerisapunk

Joel Miller x f!reader

A late-night text from an unknown number stirs up memories you thought you’d buried. It’s been years since Joel walked out of your life, but now he’s back. Old wounds resurface, boundaries blur, and the question lingers: is this a second chance or just another heartbreak waiting to happen?

❋ Leather and Lace - @probablyreadinsmut

Javier Peña x f!reader

Javier Peña is back in Loredo after retiring from the DEA. He's horny and looking for something new. That's when he finds you.

❋(Un)faithful - @probablyreadinsmut

Rbf!Javier x Married!Reader

Your marriage is lackluster, your sex life even more so. When your best friend Javier finds out, lines are crossed and lives are changed forever.

❋ some thoughts on hbf (husband's best friend) joel @baronessvonglitter / Drabble

❋ BDSMaid - @mountainsandmayhem (Series Masterlist link)

After recently graduating from university, your best friend offers you a job cleaning luxury homes for clients you’ll never know. It’s only temporary and a good way to save money for when you go back to get your law degree. That’s what you’re promised at least. Easy. Simple. Mundane. That is, until one of your clients is home and everything that you felt was missing in your life starts to fall into place. This goes against the NDA you signed and you could get fired. Or worse, you could fall in love.

[le-fruit-de-la-passion]

Say my Name, As if it’s Drowning in the Tide - Jayce x Reader (Chapter 2/End)

Summary: But Jayce is weak. So unbelievably weak. And the voice of temptation in the back of his mind insists you will never want him the same way he does you. It’s cowardly, and it’s spineless, and it goes against everything he’s ever been taught to value. Yet none of it seems to matter when he looks at you, bare in front of him, hair wet and sticking to your skin in heavy curls like a siren in the stormy sea. He’d sell his soul if it meant having you, and in more ways than one, he is.

Pairing: Jayce x Reader Modern AU, one-sided Viktor x Reader

Word Count: 8.2K

Warning: Explicit

Tags: Hate Sex, Emotional Roleplay, One-sided Attraction, Switch!Jayce, Rough Sex, Biting, Shower Sex, Oral Sex (Female receiving), Eating Out, Angst, First Time, Virginity, Vaginal Sex, Size Kink, Jayce Has A Big Dick, Self-Hate, Praise Kink, Body Worship, Crying

Notes: A LITTLE LATE BUT AS PROMISED, I’m publishing the ending to this fic before the end of January (and the beginning of my surprise Valentine’s Day event 👀). This one is gonna be quite the emotional ride, so better strap in, fellas (PS: I SWEAR I love Jayce with all my heart I just love toying with his heart because I’m a monster)

(Chapter 1)

“Do you want to know what Viktor likes or not? Because I haven't told you anything about what he wants in bed.”

‘Fuck you’, you wish you could spit back at Jayce. ‘What would you even know about what anyone wants in bed, you pathetic two-pump loser?’

It's extremely tempting, if only to see his face go crimson in frustration and embarrassment again, but you know his fragile little ego might not survive it. And no matter how much you'd like to deny it, he's right: you do want to know about what Viktor likes.

You want to know every single thing about Viktor so badly, it hurts.

You've fallen for him in the same way a forest fire burns: slowly, and then all at once, overwhelming, relentless, all-consuming. It's gotten almost painful to be near him in the last few months, your stomach contorting angrily whenever he gives you a witty smile or laughs at your idiotic banter. The desire for him to look at you, and only you, is searing your skin a little more each passing day; so much so that you wonder if there will be anything left of you but ashes by the time you muster the courage to confess.

And God, do you want to: the need to tell him how you feel has become a constant itch that's as painful as it’s unending. All it would take to quench these all-consuming flames are three little words, three measly syllables, a laughable eight letters.

Yet you just can’t say them.

Because underneath all the bravado you're always putting on, you're nothing more than a hypocrite, who is absolutely terrified of hearing his answer. Of seeing nothing but compassionate pity in those soothing golden eyes of his, a gentle ‘I'm sorry’ forming on his lips, and burning you alive once and for all.

So, you wait for a sign from Viktor: a word, a touch, anything that would make the risk of confessing more bearable. As a born engineer, you've always been pragmatic and logical to a fault; you simply won’t jeopardize your relationship with him based on insignificant data and hopeful speculations. Maybe it's nothing more than a spineless justification to let yourself wither away, but it's the best you, and your burning little heart, can do.

After all, something is comforting about staying in the unknown— in that state of limbo where there's no real acknowledgment of the nature of your feelings, or his. But the fire that is Viktor is relentless, ever burning, and it consumes you inch by inch, growing every minute you spend with him working side by side at the Academy.

It worsens more each time he remembers insignificant details about you: how you like a touch of extra cinnamon in your morning latte, how much you hate seeing your middle name used in the lab's paperwork, how you always fidget with your jewelry when you're stressed— little habits and quirks he somehow never misses or fails to offer a helping hand with.

You've been in love before, but never like this; and you doubt you ever will again. Viktor is the type of person you can only meet once in your life, a shooting star that graces the human eye every thousand years, just to disappear the second you look away, before you ever get the chance to tell it it's beautiful.

And then, there's Jayce.

Jayce, who looks nothing like Viktor, with his muscular frame, perfectly symmetrical smile, and sun-kissed skin.

Jayce, who is nothing like Viktor, with his annoyingly booming voice, total lack of social awareness, and oversized ego. Whose very presence signifies, at best, an incoming headache, and at worst, endless screaming matches and arguments over the most minor details.

Things hadn't always been that way with him. There had been admiration, at first, back when you had been accepted as dean Cecil B. Heimmerdinger’s newest pupil, and the fourth member of his elite team of post-graduates. He had more than his fair share of accolades for a man in his mid-twenties: many of his papers were cited in the highest calibre of academic journals, and he had a list of awards and scholarships almost as long as your arm. You had truly believed you would learn a lot from him.

It barely took a week with him for all your naive and bright-eyed delusions to come crashing down. Behind the pretty face and the accomplishments was nothing but arrogance and disregard for all the discipline you valued. It all came so maddeningly easy to him— school, work, looks—like effort was beneath him, or even worse, completely foreign to him.

He hadn’t been shy with his interest in you for a second, either. Between the corny pickup lines and the obvious stares at the meat of your thighs, Jayce hadn’t been quite subtle; but you had no endearment for men like him. A pretty boy whose grandiose romantic gestures were clearly an attempt to quickly get into your pants, only to leave you behind the moment your novelty had worn off. The type to take everything for granted, including women’s affection, and to never have heard a single ‘no’ in their life.

There was no way you were going to fall for it.

Yet the more drily you rejected his advances, the more Jayce seemed interested in you. It had to simply be the novelty of someone finally rejecting him and seeing his true nature that fascinated him. But it wasn’t love that he felt for you; it couldn't be.

People like him could love no one but themselves.

He would glance at you with desperate puppy eyes whenever he thought you weren’t looking, a shiny toy out of his reach. Every now and then, on one of his trashed design drafts, you’d find tiny pencilled sketches of your face with a surprising level of accuracy. He clearly took some pleasure in arguing with you over everything and nothing, and you'd lie if you said that you never got some enjoyment out of that dynamic.

You had let his resolve weaken you once, and only once, early into your arrival at the lab, and long before you had developed any feelings for the then much more reserved Viktor.

And it had been a mistake.

—

Those first few months had been gruelling for you: as the newest recruit, you did much more dull and tedious paperwork than any practical or creative assignments in the lab. It was hard, and the long hours of staring at nothing but the bright blue light of your computer screen made you dizzy; but you wouldn't have exchanged it for the world.

You had earned your place here by never being complacent, by refusing to see any task as below you or too difficult to accomplish. You had been a diligent student under the harshest of conditions throughout your life, and you would continue reaching higher and higher by working hard, and always proving your worth.

One day soon, you’d be standing at the very top of it all, with your wildest dreams accomplished; and it would be with the knowledge that you had made it there entirely of your own merit.

You had been surprised and apprehensive to see an email from Professor Heimerdinger that morning, requesting that you pass by his office. Heimerdinger was very much not the type to plan out discussions, preferring to randomly pop in and out of the lab to hold impromptu, casual meetings, so the atypically formal message had made you feel uneasy.

You were under the impression you had integrated into the program quite well, and that you had begun nicely bonding with your two lab partners. Although you had had strong reservations about Jayce and his attitude, and were still extremely on the fence about your opinion of him, his puppy-like charm had started to wear you out, and you had agreed to go get coffee with him during that weekend.

You had made it very clear it wasn't a romantic encounter, but a team-bonding exercise: an occasion for him to prove some of your unfavourable impressions of him wrong. Then, maybe, and only maybe, you'd consider the idea of a date with him; but he didn't need to know that yet, lest he’d let it go to his head.

For now, your focus was only on your appointment with Heimerdinger, and the anxious knot in the pit of your stomach.

You knocked on his door gently before coming in, finding the short, older man perched on top of a small ladder, nose-deep in one of the many books that lined every inch of the walls. The countless volumes adorned his office like multicoloured bricks, giving a cozy, yet slightly claustrophobic feel to the small room.

“You asked to see me, professor ?” you cleared your throat, attempting to steady your voice to appear more composed.

Heimerdinger raised his head in surprise, likely so entranced in the huge textbook that dwarfed his small frame that he hadn’t heard you come into his literary fortress—or even remembered he had scheduled a meeting with you.

“Ah, yes, dear girl, come on in and take a seat!” he exclaimed, closing the book with a loud ‘thwack’. He struggled a bit to place it back on one of the shelves as you sat to face his desk, eyeing his precarious position wearily. He, thankfully, managed to make his way down the creaking ladder without incident, landing on his feet with a slight wobble.

“The great, dangerous heights one has to reach to gain knowledge,” he mumbled pensively, a chubby hand running through his wild tuft of dusty blonde hair. “One would think that with twenty years of service here, the finance department could afford to invest in a less perilous stepping stool.”

He made his way to the other side of the desk, settling comfortably in his pillowy chair. He adjusted his thick, round glasses, his expression indecipherable behind the imposing white mustache that covered most of his lower face.

You immediately let yourself fear the worst, your firm conviction that you had been doing well since your arrival crumbling like a house of cards.

“Have I been performing… below your expectations, sir?” you asked abruptly, the anxious ball in your stomach tightening on itself.

Heimerdinger cocked his head to the side in confusion, frowning, his thick eyebrows shifting down like two fuzzy caterpillars.

“Now why would you say such a silly thing? You’ve been going above and beyond, from everything I’ve seen and heard,” he complimented with a reassuring smile. He gave you a sly wink, and you felt your shoulders relax, the tension leaving your body like a puff of smoke. “I have an eye for exceptionally talented people. I wouldn't have recruited you if I hadn’t been wholeheartedly convinced of your capacities.”

“Thank you, sir,” you exhaled, releasing a sharp breath you hadn't realized you were holding. So it was all a misunderstanding then. Everything was alright. “May I ask why you’ve requested to see me this morning, then?”

Heimerdinger only hummed as an answer, opening one of his desk's drawers and digging through a visibly messy pile of documents. “Aha!” he exclaimed, pulling out a single sheet of paper with a flourish, and handing it to you with no further explanation.

You grabbed it carefully, quickly looking it over with growing confusion: the bold title only stated your name, next to the words PROJECT TRANSFER.

“Here you go, all signed and completed,” Heimerdinger added with a casual wave of the hand. “I would have simply sent it to you by email, but protocol requires you to sign it in front of me. You know how bureaucrats get,” he rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

The more snippets you caught of the document, the less you understood. ‘Personal request made by the student to be discharged from desk work duty for the Wyatt Project — Approved by team supervisor — Reason for request: Lack of affinity with the project and given tasks — Signatures of department head, team supervisor, and concerned student below’.

“I’m sorry, what… is this?” you asked slowly in hesitation.

The Wyatt project had been the most tiresome and dull assignment you had been given as of yet at the Academy, and although you often complained about it in your off time, you had never made any sort of official demand to be transferred from it.

“The discharge paper for the Wyatt project,” the older man explained, seemingly surprised by your lack of enthusiasm or recognition. “I was told you didn’t enjoy the busy work much and would prefer a change of pace. I’ll be putting you on the assignment corrections for the undergrads, which should be much simpler and less time-consuming.”

Your mind began racing chaotically, attempting to puzzle how a few unserious, nitpicky rants could have possibly made their way as an official demand to the dean himself. You barely registered the empathic nod he gave you as he cleared his voice, a sparkle of something akin to remorse in his eyes.

“Perhaps I was requesting a lot of you for your very first semester here, with an assignment as advanced as this. My apologies, dear girl. But do know this transfer is a rare exception, and I will require more receptiveness from you for future tasks.”

The slight pitying look he gave you made you feel like throwing up.

You'd disappointed him.

You had failed the expectations of the man who took a chance on you as his youngest pupil, and you weren't even aware of how you had done it.

“I—I mean yes, the Wyatt project is a lot of busy work, but I never—who told you I asked to be taken out?” you managed to stutter.

Who? Who could have possibly gone so out of their way to ruin the reliable and efficient reputation you were working so hard to build here? Your mind came up blank, reviewing the few people you might have said anything to, and not finding a single one who would so blatantly jeopardize your fragile new position.

“Why, Jayce,” Heimerdinger said as if it was entirely obvious. “As your team leader, he gives me monthly reports of the status of each project you're involved with. He was quite adamant about putting you off the Wyatt and onto an easier project.”

A flash of understanding crossed his face at the sight of your decomposing expression.

“Has… Jayce not discussed this with you?”

No. No, he hadn’t.

You barely remembered the walk out of Heimerdinger's office after that, fuelled only by a mixture of incomprehension and betrayal. With each step, it shifted into something much stronger, a fury burning from your core directed not only at him, but at yourself.

You slammed the door of the lab open, the plexiglass banging against the frame with a dull thud:

“How fucking dare you?!”

Jayce was thankfully alone in the lab, but even if Viktor had been here, you weren't sure you would have managed to control the outpour of anger. The man looked up from his notes in surprise:

“Woah—wait—excuse me?” Jayce stammered, visibly more confused than insulted.

“Who do you think you are to decide what I can do or not?!” you seethed, barreling rapidly towards him. “How dare you go around asking things in my name to our supervisor?”

He got up from his chair hurridly, eyes wide, raising his hands in a placating gesture as if you were a wild animal ready to attack.

"Relax, I really have no idea—" he started hastily, only to stop mid-sentence as realization dawned on him. His brows knit together in confusion. "Wait... is this about the Wyatt project?”

"What else could it possibly be about?!" you yelled, your voice slicing through the silence of the empty lab. Under different circumstances—if this wasn't about your entire career here—you might have remembered that your outburst could easily carry into the corridor, reaching the ears of other students, and even possibly teachers. But blind frustration consumed you, eclipsed only by the raw, aching sense of betrayal you felt towards him.

“But you’ve been telling me and Viktor for weeks how much you hate it,” Jayce argued, frowning, his lips reducing into a thin line. He was genuinely perplexed, like the very concept that he hadn’t done you a service wasn't registering in his mind. “You’re the one who said you wished you could do more work in the lab with us!”

“So you went over my head and told the fucking head of the department I was too lazy to complete the work he gave me?” you retorted without missing a beat. You hadn't realized how close you had gotten to him, your balled fists barely a foot away from his increasingly punchable face. You could smell the artificial scent of body spray off him, and you wrinkled your nose in disgust. “Do you have any idea how unreliable and ungrateful that makes me look as the new girl?! I haven’t even had this position for six months!”

Understanding slowly dawned across his face, and his expression softened, regret pooling in his chartreuse eyes.

"I was just trying to help, I didn't—" he began, his voice gentle and remorseful, but you weren't even close to being done with him.

“Help?” you spat, the word dripping with venom. “Help how? By making me look like I don’t want to work hard? Like I'm a spoiled brat who goes on dates with her team supervisor to get easy jobs? What, do you think I slept my way up here?”

“I’d never—I thought you felt too shy to talk to Heimerdinger, I just wanted to give you a hand as my junior! How is that a bad thing?!” he protested, frustration creeping into his voice.

“It's a bad thing because it means you don't fucking believe in me!” you shot back.

You felt tears prickling at the corners of your eyes, but you blinked them away, willing them gone and clinging to what little pride you had left.

“It means you think I'm too weak or too stupid to do the same work you and Viktor did when you started. That I'm not even enough of an adult to handle my own shit—that I need some random guy at work to baby me!”

He flinched at the harshness of your words, the hurt on his face unmistakable. His mouth opened as if to speak up again, eyes carrying the wounded look of a kicked puppy, but you didn’t let him, refusing to let his charm ever fool you again.

“I don't care if it's because I'm younger than you, or because I'm a woman, or because you think I'm attractive,” you snapped. “I'm staying on the Wyatt project until it's completed, like I signed up to. I won't let you mess up everything I've worked so hard for.”

You took a step back, your feelings too overwhelming to stand staring at him a minute longer. Your instinct about Jayce—that he was as spoiled as he was self-righteous— had been correct from the start, yet you felt no pride in that knowledge; there was only the bitter taste of disappointment.

Your voice was sharp and unforgiving when you spoke up again:

“Do me a favour. Next time you want to help, don’t.

—

And yet, here you are now, in a shitty motel in the middle of nowhere, butt naked in a cramped shower with him, the feeling of his tepid cum still lingering on your thigh.

Jayce Talis wants to help again, and you’d be an absolute fool to accept, or to give him more ground than you already have.

But things are different, this time.

You want his help. You need his help.

You know better now than to believe he feels anything resembling real affection for you. His obsession isn’t love: it’s a fixation born from entitlement, from the relentless need to possess what he’s been denied. You’re nothing more than a challenge, the one girl who refuses to fall for the Academy’s golden boy, and that only makes him want you more. But once he’s had his victory, once this game is over, the thrill will fade, and he’ll lose all interest in pretending he ever cared.

So what’s the harm in saying yes, then? It’s not like either of you will come out of this with any hurt feelings. It’s the same as back then, with him taking you for the easy fool he can be a knight in shining armour for, solving your issues like the great man he is. But at least, this time, he’s had the decency to ask you, first.

"Fine, whatever," you finally grumble, your gaze snapping back to his. A flicker of something unreadable passes through his expression, but you ignore it. It doesn't matter to you, just as you won’t matter to him. "What’s next, Talis?”

—

The issue is that Jayce really hasn't thought that far ahead.

His first and main goal was to distract you from how he had been so stupidly eager, he came without your hands ever even touching his cock. But now, he needs to come up with a next step—fast—before you see right through his bluff and realize he knows far less about Viktor’s sex life than he has so confidently let on.

To his credit, Viktor has always been intensely private about his personal life, even with his closest friends. In all their years of partnership, he had never once introduced Jayce to a girlfriend or boyfriend; never even hinted at a crush, or a stranger who might be something more. No matter how many times Jayce had prodded and teased him in their younger years, Viktor had never let anything slip.

But there is one thing, a small, passing remark, that Jayce does remember.

Back in their very first year together at the Academy, unravelling the enigma that was Viktor had been one of Jayce’s greatest challenges. The man revealed very little about himself and it seemed like science and logic were the sole foundations of his world, an unwavering structure built on nothing but reason and precision.

But every now and then, Viktor would do or say something so entirely unexpected, it shattered any understanding Jayce thought he had of him.

One of those moments had been Viktor’s quiet but undeniable fascination with the arts.

Jayce remembers a particular night, one that has somehow stayed in the back of his mind since. Sitting beside Viktor in the dim glow of the Academy’s theater, watching a play neither of them had particularly planned to see, he had expected boredom, maybe even a few sarcastic quips. Instead, Viktor had been captivated. His sharp eyes, usually so calculating while they worked in the lab, were alight with something softer, something close to wonder, as if he were seeing an entirely new world unfold before him.

"Do you not think it's nice? The music of someone's voice," Viktor had hummed afterward, his tone distant, contemplative, like he was still half-lost in the echoes of the performance.

Jayce had shrugged, stretching his legs out lazily in the cramped theatre seat. Art had never really been his thing—too abstract, too confusing. "I don’t know," he replied casually, "AI is getting pretty good at mimicking it."

Viktor had turned his head slightly, casting Jayce a look that was equal parts amused and disappointed, as if he couldn’t decide whether the comment was genuinely naive or just tragically shortsighted.

Viktor had merely tutted in disapproval, shaking his head. "The human soul, Jayce. The emotions, the passion, the sorrow—that is what a voice carries. We may build a thousand algorithms that reproduce it, down to the subtlest change in tone or pitch… but it will always be missing that.”

Jayce had gone quiet after that, letting the conversation die in the soft hum of the crowd leaving the theater. He didn’t get it then; maybe he does now.

“Voices,” Jayce blurts out, the thought snapping into place like a last-minute save. “Viktor likes hearing people’s voices. I think it’s because of how personal they are to everyone? Something about that just… makes him happy.”

He’s grasping at straws now, but it’s something, and that’s already better than staying silent with his mouth agape like an idiot.

“Maybe, um—maybe you could practice what you’d say to him? The kind of sounds you’d make?” His pulse stutters, but before he can stop himself. “I-I think he’d probably want to eat you out.”

It’s a blatant, bold-faced lie. A shot in the dark dressed up as certainty.

Because that’s not what Viktor said. That’s not even remotely what Viktor said.

It’s what Jayce wants to do.

But he’s already in too deep, tangled in his own bullshit with no way to back out. If he’s going to lie, he might as well be a little selfish about it.

You glare at him with that sharp, dissecting stare, the kind that strips away pretense and weighs his words like they’re under the lens of a microscope. Even though you’re shorter than him, there’s no mistaking who’s in control here; the balance of power tilts undeniably in your favour, and you have him fully, wholly under your thumb.

And he knows it, knows it from the tension in his own shoulders, from the way his lips uncontrollably twitch, from the slight tremor in his voice. He would do anything for this, for you, and he’s not foolish enough to think it doesn’t show. But this moment isn’t about him—not about how much he wants you, or how much he’d give to close the remaining space between your bodies.

It’s about you, and how much you want Viktor.

Jayce already knows your answer before it even leaves your lips.

“Alright. Just…”

You hesitate for just a second, as if there's something else you want to say; a glimpse of uncharacteristic doubt flashes across your face. But it vanishes just as quickly as it came, swallowed by that effortless, burning confidence. Whatever words you might have had for him go up in smoke.

"Forget it. Get on your knees."

Jayce certainly doesn’t need to be told twice.

It’s almost embarrassing how fast he drops, the wet tile beneath him offering no grace. He nearly slips twice as he contorts his broad frame awkwardly, trying to find a stable position. The cramped width of the glass panels press against his shoulders, making his movements all the more difficult.

You tsk at him, unimpressed and visibly growing impatient. The glare you send down his way is all the incentive he needs to stop fumbling and settle as best he can, even as the mosaic tiles dig uncomfortably into his knees.

One of your hands settles on his head, slightly brushing the damp strands of dark hair, and he leans into the touch; it's probably the closest thing to praise he's ever gotten from you.

"Don’t make me regret this," you warn him.

He grins, throwing you a wink with far more cockiness than he actually feels. "Regret is my middle name, baby."

Before you can shoot back a biting remark, his hands are on your hips, firm and certain, pulling you flush against his face. The heat of his breath ghosts over your skin, sending a shiver down your spine.

If this had been different, if it had been real, he would have taken his time. He would have traced every detail of your body with his hands, his lips, his tongue, committing every inch to memory like something sacred. He would have worshipped you slowly, methodically, with the kind of reverence you deserve.

But that's not the case.

Instead, he opts for savagely peppering your inner thighs with warm, rough kisses, just barely letting his teeth graze your skin. You hum in approval, the hand on his scalp petting him like a puppy. The rush of confidence that goes through his body is indescribable, and he makes the bites more insistent, leaving burn-like marks on your skin.

You tug at his hair, just enough to be insistent, but not enough to hurt. For once, he understands you immediately, without you uttering a single word. It’s a little strange —almost ironic— that conversations with you always spiral into arguments, yet here, without speaking at all, you're both in perfect sync.

He obeys the silent command and moves his mouth where you’re guiding him, never pausing the messy, open-mouth kisses against your lower body. It's no surprise that your pussy is as pretty and warm as the rest of you. The hair has been recently trimmed but has grown just enough to tickle against his face as he buries his face comfortably between your legs.

You twitch in his grip the second his tongue touches your folds, but you don't let out a sound. He’s not about to be beaten so easily, though: he gives a strong, assured lick against your clit, and this time you can't suppress a small moan:

“Ah…”

Oh, and God, it's an addictive sound, one that he yearns to hear again, immediately. He copies his movement once, twice, thrice, dizzy off the little vulnerable pants you make under your breath. He's like a starved man, lapping at the fresh water from the shower on your skin just to catch a hint of your juices.

“Hngh-” you inhale sharply when his tongue probes your hole. Your grip on his hair tightens, fingers tangling deeper as you pull him closer. It’s probably just instinct, a mechanical reaction to the rush of pleasure sparking through you; but for a split second, the pressure of your touch feels intentional. Like you want him. And that foolish, aching thought makes his poor little heart clench when you speak again:

“V-Viktor!”

A single word from you, just one name, and reality crashes back down on him like a tidal wave.

He freezes, his tongue flat against your clit, and the warmth of the moment vanishes in an instant, replaced by something sharp and unforgiving. The water hitting his exposed skin from the showerhead suddenly feels ice-cold, seeping into his bones.

This isn’t right. He knows it. And he’s certain you do, too.

But you’ve both chosen this.

You’re as guilty as he is, using him just as much as he’s using you. It’s a pathetic, hollow imitation of the intimacy he truly craves, the kind where your fingers intertwine with his without hesitation, where your voice murmurs words of love meant only for him, where your eyes remain wide open and locked into his.

But there’s no coming back from having tasted you. A single bite of the forbidden fruit, and he’s undone: his sense of judgment shattered, his pride discarded, his dignity crumbling beneath your touch. If this is all you’re willing to give him, if he’s nothing more than a placeholder for someone else—so be it.

He’ll take whatever scraps of affection you’ll offer, no matter how empty. No matter who it’s really meant for.

You let out another wonton moan when he shifts again, his teeth lightly scrapping your clit, and he lets himself wonder what you're imagining behind those closed eyes.

Granted, the who isn’t much of a mystery; that part is painfully obvious. But how?

How does it play out in your head? Is it tender and slow, filled with whispered confessions and gentle touches? Or is it something desperate, something raw, something that strips you down to nothing but need? Against his better judgment and all common sense, he can’t help speculating.

Viktor would probably not enjoy staying on his knees for very long; maybe you're picturing yourself laying in bed with him, his face nestled snuggly between the meat of your thighs. You’d have a smile on your lips, your sparkling eyes wide open, eager to take in every second of the moment. Viktor would probably chuckle at your eagerness, amused by the contrast of how firm and unyielding you are with everyone else, yet how effortlessly you melt in his presence.

“Viktor, please… please…!” you almost beg as he fucks you on his tongue, your hips rhythmically moving along to his pace, moans raw and unfiltered, forgetting about the thin walls and your likely disgruntled neighbours with how lost you are in your fantasy.

Jealousy begins to rear its ugly head in the pit of his stomach, a dangerous thing to start feeling during something that’s supposed to be pure make-believe. But no matter how hard he tries to swallow it down, it lingers, festering beneath the surface.

He can’t help it, spoiled brat that he is. He always wants more. Nothing is ever enough.

His childish ego whispers that he’s the one making you squirm under his touch, that for all your longing, for all the thoughts clouding your mind, he’s the one here. He’s the one touching you, drawing those needy sounds from your lips.

It's his name you should be saying.

He's gotten hard again, the touch of your skin blending with the smell of your body, the sharp taste of your wetness making his head spin. He's humping the air like a dog in heat, aching for any sort of relief. He wants to stay between your legs for as long as humanly possible, let you use him, but he's not sure how much longer he can handle hearing someone else’s name over, and over again.

He manages to pull away from the vice-like grip of your thighs, mouth coated with your juices. He looks up at you, standing above him like a goddess, surrounded by a halo of water from the showerhead.

"I really, really need you right now, baby," he breathes out, voice raw with desperation. He knows he should have some dignity left, some shred of self-respect; but it's all long gone. At this point, he doesn't care what you think of him anymore, not when he’s fallen this low. “Can I please fuck you right here?”

Your eyes flutter open, slow and reluctant, like it physically pains you to be pulled from whatever reverie you were lost in. For a moment, you just look at him, considering his expression, the firm grip on his head easing slightly.

“I…” you start hesitantly. There it is again, just like earlier: something uncertain in your gaze, lost, vulnerable. It’s jarring, unsettling in a way he can’t quite name. It doesn’t belong there, not in your eyes—eyes that are usually so bright, so sure and unwavering.

"Bed. Viktor wouldn't be comfortable here," you mumble under your breath, refusing to meet his eyes. "And don’t call me baby."

Jayce exhales a shaky sigh of relief. He doesn’t argue, doesn’t tease—just moves.

He scrambles to his feet so fast he nearly slips again, catching himself just in time. With a sharp nudge of his elbow, he shuts off the faucet before effortlessly scooping you up from the wet tiles. You yelp in protest, but he ignores it, already carrying you out of the bathroom, his grip firm yet careful.

The second your back hits the mattress, he’s gone, nearly tripping over himself as he rushes to his backpack; balance has never been his forte, but you’ve rendered him so unsteady his legs feel like jello. His hands fumble through the numerous pockets, almost frantic.

Socks, phone, extra boxers, sunglasses, toothbrush, toothpaste—

There!

He raises the lone condom triumphantly into the air, presenting it like a grand prize, his grin wide with victory.

You don’t look half as impressed.

"Do you seriously bring that with you everywhere you go?" you remark drily, one brow arching in clear contempt.

Ah, right. For a moment, in the heat of it all, he had almost forgotten that you really hate him.

“Can we keep the insults for after I'm done fucking you?” he groans, his arm falling in defeat. Yet, despite the frustration laced in his voice, there’s something oddly familiar about this, something comforting. The push and pull, the sharp edges of your words clashing against his: it’s a unique rhythm, a dynamic that belongs to the two of you alone; one that Viktor will never experience.

The idea makes him happier than it should.

You let out a dramatic sigh in response, waving a dismissive hand as if to say ‘whatever’.

He climbs over you, his body still sopping wet, water trailing down his skin and seeping into the sheets beneath you both. Droplets fall from his hair onto yours, cool against the lingering heat of your skin. The bed is going to be disgustingly damp later, and you will certainly complain and blame him for it, but he can’t bring himself to care about it right now.

The sight of his fully hard cock resting on your inner thigh makes his throat dry almost instantly. Jayce is more than aware he’s well endowed, and he hasn’t shied away from using it as a selling argument for flirting before; but this is so very different. His size dwarfs your cunt, like a little toy underneath him; the realization that he's going to get so deep inside of you that you'll never be able to fully get rid of him is enough to break whatever hesitation he might have still had.

He glances up at you with a cocky grin, expecting you to eye his arguably imposing member with some anticipation, only to find that you're looking away, gaze lost somewhere in the printed forest of the peeling wallpaper.

He clears his throat, and you turn back towards him, expression distant, maybe even cold.

“Want me to, um… prep you a bit?” he asks. He knows you’re soaking wet, he's made quite sure of that, but the thickness of his cock has usually required him to use a few fingers with his previous partners.

You seem disinterested, barely sparing him a look:

“I don't care. Just do it, Talis.”

The absurdity of the fact that you’re still using his last name after he’s eaten you out—and right before he screws you—would be comical if it wasn’t so deeply sad. He tears the plastic wrapper open, rolling the condom on himself without another word. He aligns his member with your entrance, just barely spreading your folds with his dick, before you interrupt him with a firm hand on his bicep.

The look you give him is full of something unspoken, heavy with meaning he can’t quite grasp—or maybe just refuses to.

"Just… be gentle,” you ask stiffly, like you doubt he’s even capable of it. “Like Viktor would."

That last part splinters something inside him, shatters a piece of his heart he thought had accepted he would never be the one you’d want.

For a second, everything blurs. The floodgate cracks open, and with it, the jealousy he thought he had under control surges forward, unrestrained and bitter.

Because Viktor. Always Viktor.

And never him.

He pushes in without replying, groaning at the resistance his tip is already facing. It takes a bit more force, but the head of his cock finally passes through the ring of muscle, and he's able to slowly and fully sheathe himself in, your wetness making the slide easier.

“Fuck- fuck, you're tight,” he sputters, the words falling out of him without his control. “You're so fucking tight, princess.”

Maybe it’s just that he hasn’t gotten laid in too long, but he doesn’t think he's ever been inside someone who feels this snug around him, like you were made for him. You’re walls are fluttering around him, squeezing him so firmly it’s as if your pussy is forbidding him from leaving. It's heavenly, and he stays still for a moment, just to carve in his memory the exact way you’re clenching around his cock.

A quick glance at your face tells him everything he needs to know: your eyes are squeezed shut, your brows furrowed deeply, likely lost in a world where he isn’t the one above you. There’s no doubt in his mind that you’re picturing him instead, rewriting reality with Viktor’s touch, Viktor’s voice, Viktor’s presence.

That’s fine. Perfectly fine.

Because by the time he’s done, by the time he gives it to you just right—hard enough, deep enough, good enough—he’ll make sure the only name you’re screaming is Jayce.

He starts pulling out before sharply shoving himself back in, and you let out an absolutely broken cry. There. As a sound that's for no one else but him.

He repeats the motion, again and again, the sharp feeling of your nails digging into his back making all thought incoherent. Your cries are driving him insane, raw and oversensitive, and he pounds into you harder with the knowledge Jayce Talis is the one tearing them out from your throat.

He looks down where your bodies meet, drunk off the idea of seeing his fat cock plunging into you, but he freezes.

There's blood.

It's not much, just a little red that has tinted some of your combined juices, but it's there, a stark contrast against your skin.

He opens and closes his mouth in incomprehension; he had been harsh, and hungry, yes, but you should have been wet enough to take him with only a slight burn, a nice feeling of fullness. How?

He looks at you in panic: your eyes are still sealed shut, but unshed tears have pooled in their corners, your lips stuck in a thin line.

You’re crying.

It’s so silent, so light, that he hadn't even heard it despite your proximity, despite him being quite literally inside of you. He’s staring at you, dumbfounded—the tightness, the blood, the tears—as the math begins to add up very unpleasantly in his head.

"Wait, are you—" he starts, voice laced with panicked disbelief.

You don’t answer.

Instead, you turn your face away, hiding it behind the crook of your arm, ever the prideful one. But he sees it anyway, the telltale tremble of your bottom lip.

And just like that, every ounce of his frustration, every drop of jealousy, vanishes in an instant. What’s left is something colder, heavier—realization.

You're a virgin.

His stomach twists. "I'm sorry, I—I had no idea—" he stammers, his mind racing to catch up. "Did I hurt you? Oh my god, yeah, I did. Do you want to stop? I’m so sorry—"

The words tumble out in a frantic rush, hands hovering over you like he doesn’t know where they should be—whether to comfort, to retreat, or to hold you close.

He moves to pull out, but you make a pained hissing sound, grabbing his arm to keep him in place.

You stay silent, breathing haggard, clinging to him like a buoy in a storm. Your fingers dig into his skin painfully, but you still refuse to meet his gaze.

Jayce swallows thickly, his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. Carefully, he slides a hand beneath your head, lifting it just enough to keep you from sinking further into yourself. With the other, he brushes away a few damp strands of hair stuck to your clammy forehead. You don’t speak, and neither does he.

There’s nothing he can say right now that wouldn’t feel meaningless.

Your eyes eventually open, and the few tears you had been holding back finally spill down your cheeks. He catches them with the pad of his finger, wiping them away as gently as he can.

You’re so still in his arms it scares him. Fragile in a way he’s never seen before. Like a doll he’s played too rough with, beautiful, limp, and oh so breakable. Not meant for the big, clumsy, uncalculated hands of someone like him, but rather, for a gentle and precise touch.

Meant for hands like Viktor’s.

The thought cuts deep, a jagged wound of self-loathing splitting open inside him. Jayce has never hated himself more than in this moment.

"I'm fine," you murmur at last, your voice steadier than he expected. "It’s not like I haven’t done anything before, I'm not a prude, just… not this."

You pause, exhaling slowly before finally admitting the words you’ve been trying to say all along. "I know it’s stupid, but I don’t want to look like a clueless idiot if Viktor ever… wants me."

Jayce’s chest aches at how small your voice sounds, at the quiet vulnerability you’re letting slip through the cracks after being so closed off to him for almost three years.

Why do you always say you’re fine when you aren’t? Why won’t you ever let me help? Why can’t you admit you’re scared?

"Viktor would never think you're an idiot," he breathes. "He’d think you’re the smartest girl in the entire world."

You hesitate: “…Yeah?”

"Yeah," he confirms without missing a beat. Then, with a faint smile, he can’t help but add, teasing, "Maybe just a little too thick-headed for your own good."

A weak but genuine laugh escapes your lips, lightening the weight between you, the tension slowly washing away, the tide receding just enough to let you both breathe.

"Big words from someone who compliments himself in the mirror, Jayce," you shoot back with a smirk, eyes glinting with a flicker of mischief. “And it’s not like you’re that big, anyway.”

He huffs out a laugh in disbelief: “Are you seriously pulling that card right now?”

You snort in reply, unable to hold your smile back.

It’s all so absurd, so fucked, tangled in emotions he doesn’t fully understand. But here you are, smiling at him—teasing, but genuine. A fragile thread of connection woven between sarcasm and chaos.

And then it hits him.

You’ve finally said his name.

Not in anger. Not in passing. Not as part of some joke.

Just his name, wrapped in laughter, soft around the edges.

It’s not exactly in the way he’s craved, not in the way that would make this his; but still, his name has left your lips with a real smile, with your eyes looking at nothing but him. Despite everything, it settles something deep inside him, filling the hollow space that’s been eating him alive.

It makes him feel whole.

"I’ll be fine," you tell him again, voice back to the one he knows and adores. "Just… a little slower, alright?"

Jayce exhales, nodding, his grip on you instinctively firming— not possessive, not demanding. Just there. An anchor for you, as much as it is for himself. He’s going to make sure you’re actually fine for once.

“Yeah. Of course,” he promises, but more than that, it carries the weight of a vow, something unspoken yet deeply solemn, something true.

If he’s water, then you are fire, never defeated, blazing brightly with something that could consume him whole. Maybe that’s why he lets himself drown in you—because it’s the only way he can hold onto something that he was never meant to touch.

You will always burn him, and he will always yield to the sound of his name on your lips.

🌸 Taglist Darlings 🌸: @soniiyi , @mischievous-piltovan, , @luv-urself-first, @girlidkthinkofsmth , @starflesh-moth , @raynoway , @just1cefor4ll , @apexie100

Tip a Coffee ☕: ko-fi.com/lefruitdelapassion

[devixncy]

could you do a dae ho fic please? Like the reader was a barista he has a crush on but never had the courage to ask out previously to the games. And then once they get into the games he protects her and she reveals she always found him cute as well. Thanks :)

so, i may have gotten carried away while writing this one. pretty sure i typed out wayyy too many unnecessary details oops! (but i can't help it i'm sorry). anyways, i love dae-ho so so much like <3333 such a cutie

✧ pairing: kang dae-ho x fem!reader

✧ summary: dae-ho happened to be a regular at the cafe you worked at as a barista, and you had started to grow feelings for him over time. when you find yourself in the games, he ends up there as well and ultimately saves your life. fearing for your life and the fear of the unknown leads to late night confessions.

✧ content: typical squid game violence, mentions of death, i think that's it. literally just straight fluff

✧ word count: 4.8k

Your life was quiet, but you enjoyed it that way. Being a barista was the perfect job for you, it was relaxing and there was nothing you loved more than interacting with customers, especially the regulars. Unfortunately, while you loved your job, it wasn’t enough. You lived in a cramped apartment that was cozy, but your job just barely covered the rent. On top of that, you couldn’t cover your debt. You were swimming in debt, trying your hardest to help pay for your younger sister's medical bills. She was ill, and constant hospital trips and stays started building up fast. It was just the two of you, your parents having passed a few years prior. You would do anything for your sister, but having the loan sharks breathing down your neck constantly was beginning to drive you insane. You needed more money and fast.

Lost in thought, you absentmindedly drew shapes into the counter with your fingernail. The cafe was quite slow, but with the gloominess and light drizzle outside, it made sense. The bell above the door rang, signaling that someone had entered. Looking up, you immediately began to smile. One of your favorite regulars, Dae-ho, had stepped inside.

His eyes immediately met yours and he smiled at you, making your heart flutter. Dae-ho was the most kind, genuine soul you had ever met. He never failed to light up your day, even just by being in his presence. He truly was a gentleman, most likely thanks to growing up with four sisters.

“Just the usual?” You asked as he walked up to the counter.

“What, no ‘hello Dae-ho, how are you’?” He asked teasingly as you rolled your eyes.

“Hello Dae-ho, how are you?” You feigned annoyance, however you truly did want to know how he was doing. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t developed a crush on the man in front of you. He was incredibly sweet to you (and incredibly handsome), so how could you not fall for him?

“I’m great, (Y/N). And yes, I’ll take my usual.” The grin on his face was contagious, and you smiled, nodding as you began to make his order. He was a man of simple taste, ordering an Americano every time he came in. While you made it (and grabbed him a free pastry), you could hear him ask how you were doing.

“Oh, you know. Same shit different day. Just trying to get by,” You replied as you snapped the lid on his drink. Turning around, you slid it across the counter along with the bagged pastry. Dae-ho furrowed his brows at the sight of the pastry, looking at you questioningly. You shook your head before he could say anything. “Just take it, Dae. It’s on me.”

His cheeks turned a little pink at the sound of the nickname, but he nodded gratefully. He placed his money for the coffee in your hand, your skin tingling as his fingers brushed yours. You took the money and put it in the register, handing him back his change. Of course, he took his change and put it in your tip jar.

Before he picked up his items, he looked at you as you leaned on the counter. Your eyes were so full of life, the smile on your lips making his heart thud. But he could see the exhaustion in your face, no matter how hard you tried to hide it. Without thinking, he leaned over and tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear. His fingers brushed against your jaw gently. Eyes wide, you looked at him, cheeks starting to burn. He smiled softly, dropping his hand and picking up his coffee and pastry.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” He asked, even though he knew your work schedule like the back of his hand. You nodded, still dazed, as he chuckled and walked off with a small wave.

Once outside the shop, he cursed to himself. Oh, how he wishes he were bold enough to ask you out. Every time he thought he could do it, he backed out, fearing rejection. He didn’t want to mess up the friendship the two of you had. One day, he promised himself.

— Once you had closed up shop for the day, you locked the doors to the café and headed towards the subway.

You sat down on a bench, placing your bag directly next to you. While you waited, you stared at the ground in front of you as you absentmindedly picked at your cuticles. When you weren’t working and keeping yourself distracted, the stress started to take over.

Your body tensed as someone sat next to you. Turning your head, you saw a man dressed in a nice suit, a briefcase by his side. Sighing, you scooted away a little bit more. “Whatever you’re selling, I’m definitely not interested.”

“I’m not selling anything. In fact, I would like to let you in on a great opportunity. Would you like to play a game with me?”

You frowned, confusion evident on your face. A game? Seriously? Turning towards him, you studied him for a moment. Something about this man was off putting. As you were about to open your mouth to decline his offer, he opened up a briefcase. The words died on your tongue as you saw the stacks of money.

“I’m sure you’ve played ddakji before, yes?” He asked as he picked up the red and blue squares. You nodded slowly. “Play a few games with me. And each time you win, I’ll pay you a 100,000 won.”

You stared at the money as you pondered. You needed this. A couple games of ddakji couldn’t hurt, right?

And you played. You had won most of the rounds, earning a couple of slaps in the face when you didn’t. By the time the game was over, you had accumulated a decent amount of money. Of course, not nearly enough to cover what you needed it for. As you sat there counting the money, the salesman began to speak.

“You know, miss. There are more games like this where you can win even more.”

You paused, looking up at him. It sounded too good to be true. As you were going to decline, he began to list all of your personal information. He knew your name, your occupation, the amount of debt you had accumulated. Your mouth dropped, unable to get a word out. He smiled smugly, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a card. He handed it to you, and you snatched it.

“We don’t have many spots left.”

Those words resonated with you as you sat in your apartment. Taking a deep breath, you called the number on the back of the card.

“Do you wish to participate in the game? If you wish to participate, please state your name and birthdate.”

Next thing you knew, you were standing on a street corner in the dark. You rocked back and forth on your heels anxiously as you waited. Soon enough, a car pulled up next to you, rolling down the window. A masked person donning a pink suit turned his head in your direction.

“Ms. (Full name)?”

You nodded, following up with the password they had given you over the phone. The back door slid open and you climbed in, noticing the other people in the seats who were seemingly asleep. You shook off the uneasiness, trying to get comfortable in the seat. Seconds later, steam began to fill the car, making you cough. And then the world went dark.

~

When you awoke, your brain felt fogged and you were incredibly groggy. You screwed your eyes shut as the overhead lights threatened to blind you. Classical music filled your ears, and you groaned as you sat up. Opening your eyes, you scanned your surroundings. Numerous people were getting out of their beds, all wearing the same green tracksuit with numbers plastered on the back. Quickly looking down, you saw that you wore the same thing. Then you noticed your number in bold white, 301. You got out of the bed, making your way down the stairs the same way everyone else was. As you were taking it all in, the doors at the front of the room underneath the screen opened. Multiple masked figures stepped out, walking forward. The one in the front began speaking.

“I would like to extend a hearty welcome to all of you. Everyone here will participate in six games over the course of six days. Those who win will receive a handsome cash prize.”

Players began to speak up. All made good points, and you agreed that you all being basically kidnapped and the masked guards were a little strange.

Then, you gasped as multiple players were shown on screen playing the game of ddakji, announcing their names and how much debt they were in. Thankfully, your name didn’t come up.

When it came time, you got in line and signed the consent form. You didn’t bother reading it, you were just here to play some games after all. You were sure it was just some dumb fine print that didn’t really mean anything.

Soon enough, yourself and all of the other players filed into a multi-colored room. There were stairs leading up, and as you looked around you noticed multiple guards stationed in different spots. Shaking off your unease, you stepped up to the photo booth and turned to face the camera. Upon hearing the ‘smile!’, you mustered up a small smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes.

“The first game will begin momentarily. After having your picture taken, follow the staff’s instructions and proceed to the game site.”

You followed behind the other players up the stairs, coming up to a large door where everyone was filing into.

“Welcome to the first game. All players, please wait a moment on the field.”

You entered the large clearing in front of you, squinting as the sunlight hit your eyes. As your eyes adjusted, you looked around at the four large walls and the comically large doll with the tree directly ahead. There were two guards standing on either side of it.

Suddenly, the three large doors slammed shut behind you with a loud clank. You gasped and turned around, as did many others.

“The first game is Red Light, Green Light. Cross the finish line without getting caught in five minutes. If you do, you pass.”

Suddenly, someone pushed past you to get to the front of the group. He seemed frantic, turning towards everyone.

“Everyone!” he shouted, waving his arms in the air. He had your full attention now. “Everyone listen up, pay attention!”

“This is not just a game! If you lose the game, you die!”

Your breath caught in your throat. There’s no way he was serious, right? How could you possibly die playing a children’s game? Others seemed to think the same thing, as someone asked him what the hell he was talking about. “We’re going to die playing Red Light, Green Light?” someone asked with a scoff.

“Yes, that’s right! If they catch you moving, they will kill you! They will shoot you from somewhere! Stay on your toes. That doll’s eyes are motion detectors!”

Murmurs rippled through the crowd, no one seeming to take his word for it. Many were voicing their thoughts that this was just some ploy to get all of the money for himself.

“You have to believe me!” His voice was laced with desperation. As he finished his sentence, the doll began to whir to life, turning to face the tree. Its arm raised up, placed against the tree. The man, player 456, whirled around, panic evident in his movements.

“Do not be alarmed or panic! No matter what happens, do not panic and start running!”

Your heart began to hammer in your chest. Something in your gut told you to believe him. He seemed way too genuine to be making this all up.

“Let the game begin.”

The timer across the room flickered to life, displaying a red five minute timer.

Mugunghwa Kkoch-i Pieossseubnida

You began to move forward, freezing as the doll whirled back around and player 456 held up his hands. “Freeze!” He yelled out. Everyone stayed as still as a statue.

“Well done! You just need to stay calm like this!”

Once the doll turned again, you started to run forward, freezing again moments later. The doll's head turned, its eyes calculating everyone’s movement. Player 456 continued to yell out instructions, and so far everyone seemed to be listening despite calling him crazy.

Mugunghwa Kkoch-i Pieossseubnida

You began to run forward again, stopping dead in your tracks along with everyone else. This continued successfully for a couple of cycles. For a moment though, while you were all paused, someone began to scream. Yourself and many others side eyed the girl in shock.

“Crap. I just moved.” And with that, moments later, a gunshot rang out. Your eyes widened, unmoving, but terrified.

“NOBODY MOVE!! You must not move!” Player 456 shouted frantically, not wanting panic to ensue. Unfortunately, it was far too late for that. Multiple gunshots began to follow the first, people dropping around you left and right. Blood began to cover the field. It seemed non-stop. Your body began to tremble, feeling nauseous as the chaos unfolded around you. Player 456 was screaming at this point, trying to save everyone that he could.

“Let me repeat. You can move forward while the tagger shouts ‘Green light, red light’. If your movement is detected afterward, you will be eliminated.”

After the announcement, the game resumed. This time, nobody dared to move from their spot. Once the green light was given again, the only person to move was player 456. And then again, he was the only one to move. Everybody was glued to their spot, too terrified to move. He began to shout instructions again, telling everyone to get behind someone bigger than you. That’s exactly what you did at the next cycle, getting behind players 120 and 124. You stayed close behind as they moved forward, trying to make sure your movement was minimal. This continued until you were almost at the finish line.

“LETS GO!” Player 456 screamed, everyone beginning to push forward as fast as they could. You did the exact same, until your foot slipped as you were trying to come to a stop. Fear coursed through your body as the ground got closer, the doll about to turn around. Everything was moving in slow motion. This was it, this was how you were going to die. Your eyes screwed shut, waiting for the impact from the ground and the bullet. Suddenly, though, you weren’t moving anymore. The back of your jacket was held tightly by somebody behind you, right as the doll said red light and turned. Your eyes flew open in shock, not daring to move a muscle. It was the longest moment of your entire life, praying whoever had their grip on your jacket didn’t lose it. As soon as the doll turned back around, whoever was behind you instantly pulled you back up. Your arm was grabbed and you were hastily pulled towards the red line, being shoved over it as the doll said red light. You stumbled and fell to your hands and knees, wheezing as you tried to catch your breath. Then you paused, whipping around to see who it was.

And there he was, standing mere inches from the finish line. You stared at him, mouth agape. Dae-ho was standing right in front of you, the number 388 plastered to his jacket. Your heart thudded in your chest, your ears ringing. You couldn’t even process it, that he was in this mess just like you were. Moments later, he crossed the line, running straight to you. He crouched down next to you, gripping your face in his hands like he was making sure you were real. Your lips parted, but words refused to come out. He had just saved your life and there you sat trembling like a leaf, not even able to muster a ‘thank you’. However, he didn’t say anything either. His eyes said it all. He was completely terrified.

“Dae-ho…” You whispered, your voice shaking. Before he could respond, everyone’s heads shot up towards the sky. A retractable roof was closing over the top of the arena, closing you all in like animals in a cage.

Before he could say anything, you were all being herded back to the main room. The guards gave you no time to process anything, forcing you to get moving. Dae-ho stayed right next to you, a gentle grip on your upper arm. The atmosphere entering back into the main room was dark, the obscene amount of death and bloodshed looming over everyone’s head like a dark cloud. You sat next to Dae-ho, silent as a mouse. Everyone was silent. What could possibly be said after what you had all just witnessed? Your gaze bore into the ground in front of you, knees tucked into your chest with your arms wrapped around them. Dae-ho was lost in thought, his side pressed up against yours. The touch kept you somewhat grounded, though just barely.

Suddenly, the bright overhead lights flickered to life and the door opened. Everyone's attention turned towards the guards that stepped into the room. Upon seeing them, everybody scrambled back further, clearly terrified. You were no exception, pushing yourself backwards up the stairs behind you. Dae-ho did the same, a protective grip around your body.

“Congratulations for making it through the first game. Here are the results from the first game.” The board above them began to change, the number 456 changing to 365.

More chaos began to ensue. People begging for their lives, the promise of a fair voting process. The voting process was anything but smooth, tensions beginning to rise between the players. You chose X with no hesitation. While you needed the money, you had to be there for your sister. You couldn’t help her, the only family she had left, if you were dead. Dae-ho had voted X as well, much to your relief. Unfortunately, your relief was short lived, as you lost the vote to leave by one. You were devastated, wanting nothing more than to curl up and cry. Showing weakness may not be the greatest idea, though. Not in a place like this.

Once it was meal time, you sat on the stairs with your tin of food in one hand and water bottle in the other. You had zero appetite. Dae-ho, who was sitting next to you, wasted no time in digging into his. You turned your head towards him and he paused.

“What?” He asked halfway through shoveling food into his mouth. You let out a humorless laugh, shaking your head. “You need to eat something too, (Y/N). You can’t let yourself go hungry, gotta retain your strength. Here,” He said, scooping some of his onto his spoon and putting it up to your mouth. Your lips tightened into a thin line, silently refusing. He frowned. “I’m serious-”

“What are you even doing here, Dae-ho?” You cut him off, turning towards him a little more. He swallowed, frown still on his face.

“I could ask you the same thing.” His tone was completely serious now, setting his tin down next to him. You set yours down as well, refusing to meet his eyes.

“It doesn’t matter. We’re both in this mess, and now we both have to somehow make it out alive.” You hoped you didn’t come off as hopeless as you felt. Dae-ho decided not to press any further. He nodded in agreement. There was nothing the two of you could do about it now.

“We’re going to get out of here, you and I. Together. I swear to you,” He grabbed your hands in his, running his thumb across your knuckles. That was his typical positive attitude coming out. You sighed, finally meeting his eyes. “Now come on. I was serious before, you need to at least try to eat.” He said, his usual grin returning to his face. You couldn’t help it, your lips twitched up into a smile. If it were possible, his smile got even wider, gently pinching your cheek with his fingers. “Aha! There’s that smile that I know and love.”

You rolled your eyes, giving him a light shove. He laughed, and you gave in, picking up your tin. You ate in small bites, finally realizing how hungry you truly were. Dae-ho resumed eating, scarfing his down before you were even a third of the way done with yours. He patiently waited until you were finished with yours, taking your tin from you and setting it aside.

After meal time, you and Dae-ho had begun conversing with player 456 and player 399 who were nearby. As it turns out, player 399 whose name you found out to be Jung-bae, was a former marine just like Dae-ho. They saluted each other, their interactions causing you to giggle, letting some of the tension leave your body. Dae-ho’s eyes lit up at the sound, warmth spreading through his body. The rest of the night went as smoothly as it could save for the scuffle that occurred between players 230, 124, 333 and 001.

Then, it was time for lights out. Most players were fast asleep, but you laid in your bed, staring up at the glowing piggy bank. Alone with your thoughts, your mind was racing. There was no way you could sleep. Your head was pounding and you sighed as you turned onto your side. Lucky for you, Dae-ho’s bed was right next to yours. Realistically, he had claimed it as soon as he saw it was empty, assuming the person who was there previously was eliminated. From what you could tell, he was fast asleep. However you really needed some company and reassurance at the moment.

“Dae,” You whispered. He didn’t budge. Of course, you thought as you rolled your eyes. He would be a heavy sleeper. “Dae-ho!” You whisper-shouted, hoping you didn’t have to say it again. Thankfully, you saw him starting to stir. His eyes fluttered open, opening completely as he realized it was you who had awoken him. Quickly, he sat up.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” He whispered, concern gracing his features. You shook your head, starting to feel a little silly for waking him.

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have woken you up. You can go back to sleep.” You whispered back, realizing he was probably exhausted.

He shook his head, getting up from his bed and coming over to yours. He knelt down next to you, tucking your hair behind your ear. You felt pitiful.

“Will you lay with me?” Your voice came out as barely a whisper, but he heard you loud and clear. His heart skipped a beat, a soft smile spreading across his face.

“Of course, love. Scoot over.”

You blushed at the nickname but immediately moved over to make room for him. Without hesitation, he hopped into your bed, laying on his side so that he was facing you. He cupped your face gently, running his thumb over your cheekbone. You didn’t say anything, but he read you like a book. “What’s wrong?”

You could feel a lump forming at the back of your throat, and you stared into his eyes. Truth be told, you were so terrified. This was a fear you had never felt before in your life. If it wasn’t for the man next to you, you wouldn’t even be alive. How did you go from casually flirting with each other in the coffee shop, not a care in the world, to arriving at death’s door together? Tears burned at the back of your eyes, threatening to come to the surface.

“I’m scared, Dae-ho. I’m so scared,” Your voice cracked, tears spilling over your eyes slowly. Dae-ho was quick to wipe them away, his heart breaking. “I just wanted to save my sister. I thought that if I joined the games and won some money, I could take the stress off of both of us. I wouldn’t have to worry about the medical bills, or the loan sharks, or anything. I would be able to work without having the weight of the world on my shoulders, and it would just be us in the cafe, and nothing else would matter. You and my sister were the only things keeping me going, and now you and I are both here and one or both of us could die.” You cried quietly as Dae-ho looked at you sadly. He pulled you into his chest, shushing you as you wept into his shirt. He let you cry it out, not saying anything as he rubbed your back. Eventually, when you became silent, he pulled back so he could look at your face. Your eyes were red, cheeks tear streaked.

“(Y/N), listen to me. As long as we’re in here together, I won’t let anything happen to you. Truly, you’re the light of my life and if something happened to you I don’t think I could forgive myself. You’re my anchor, especially in a place like this. I have something here to keep me going, you know?” He murmured. You sniffled and nodded, but he kept going. “The moment I saw you in that cafe I knew I was in trouble. I thought you were the most perfect thing to grace this earth, and if I wasn’t so stupid, I would’ve asked you out a long time ago.”

Your eyes widened at that, looking at him as he smiled at you. “You really mean that?” Your pulse quickened at the confession.

“Every word,” He chuckled as he drew shapes into the fabric of your jacket. “This is gonna be awkward for me if you don’t feel the same.” At that, you gave him a light shove and he laughed.

“Of course I feel the same, you idiot. Why do you think you were getting so many free pastries?” You joked, then became serious. “Seriously though, Dae-ho. I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it. I wish you would’ve asked me out a long time ago, I’ve had a giant crush on you for a while now. I thought it was obvious.”

“It was obvious,” you rolled your eyes at that. “I was just too scared to do something about it. I didn’t wanna mess anything up between us. And now here we are, in the worst possible situation, and I’m finally confessing this to you.” He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes as he thought about the circumstances. “How about when we get out of here, I take you out on a date, yeah? We’ll go somewhere nice with my share of the money.”

“It doesn’t have to be fancy, Dae-ho. As long as I’m with you it doesn’t matter,” You said sincerely, a small smile gracing your lips. “But I would love to.”

He grinned at that, his entire face lighting up. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your forehead. You grabbed one of his hands and he gave it a gentle squeeze. To his surprise, you craned your neck up and placed your lips directly onto his. Your eyes fluttered shut, and you could feel him smile against your lips as he moved his free hand to the back of your neck, deepening the kiss. He pulled away after a few moments, before leaning back down and placing another quick peck to your lips.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for that.” He teased, excitement present in his voice. You giggled, feeling over the moon with happiness even if it was just for a moment. Dae-ho shifted to lay flat on his back, pulling you with him. Your head rested on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. He had his arm around you and you threw your leg over the top of his, making yourself comfortable

“Thank you for saving my life earlier.” You spoke quietly as you wrapped your arm around him, soothed by the rise and fall of his chest. He was quiet for a moment.

“I would do it all over again. I’m not leaving your side so long as we’re still playing these games.”

Those were the only words you needed to hear, shutting your eyes as you finally drifted off into a peaceful slumber as you could feel him pull the blanket over the two of you. For the first time in a while, your body felt at ease. You felt safe, like there was nothing in the world that could harm you. Even if it was just for the night.

[beomiracles]

the way I read this two weeks ago and have yet to reblog... anyhow, cam already heard me absolutely CRASH OUT reading this on vc. but it's a lot more fun to host a public crash out too.

FIRST OFF ALL.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

second of all.

the UNIQUE concept is to fucking die for. the idea of vampires feeding off of other vampires is something I've never even thought about??! much less them becoming literally fucking soul bound after that.

You hadn't put your mouth on anyone since that night, not even when it felt as if you had been scooped out with a spoon, carved open, and laid bare from hunger. If it wasn't him you would have nobody. 

PACK IT UP PACK IT UP. "If it wasn't him you would have nobody" YES YES YES. like I'm tearing my heart open and giving it to you rn just take me as I am.

Feeding from vampires was anything but a rush, that first mouthful was a wash of exhilaration. It made one dependent on each other, one taste and it was never the same.

mother of all things holy.

next, the way they were both yearning for each other. cam was yapping this nonsense about the smut feeling weird, BUT LET ME TELL YOU. the smut in this fic is absolutely DIVINE. it portrays the longing and the yearning in such an immaculate way I'm literally out of breath writing this rn. like just opening the fic back up to find my favourite parts has me in shambles, so you can imagine the out of body experience I had reading this.

You would never feel full again unless you had him back. 

AH YES YESYYEYSYEYSYEYSWYE.

You still remember the sound his human heart made

see. i. I'M UNWELL. the way she remembers him even after DECADES passing. the longing of a vampire is so painfully beautiful I'm going to actually pass out on the floor may one of you guys come pick me up again once I've had a moment to collect myself.

AND WHEN SHE SEES HIM AGAIN --- It wasn't the butterflies of newfound love but sickening maggots wriggling in your stomach.

cam I'm going to actually bend you over.

But he was wrong, he hadn't known how full the world felt, how full he was after one drop of love from you. And now he was empty, starved clean from his own doing. “I was ashamed,”  The confession was so quiet matching your question, “And now?”  Beomgyu looked up from under his lashes, he was close enough now that your scent was suffocating him, begging him to give in and just sink his teeth right over your heart. Find the same place they had last been because no one had been able to tempt him to even pull his fangs down, not since you. “And now I'm starving,” 

AND NOW IM STARVING BITCH COME HERE IM GOING TO GIVE YOU MY BODY MIND AND SOUL FOR BREAKFAST DINNER AND LUNCH.

“Now look at this,” you can feel the pad of his thumb running over the bite mark scars he's left on your inner thigh, his grin wicked enough to make your knees twitch. “I wonder if your pretty cunt will remember me as well as your skin has,” 

im so normal about this paragraph its insane lol.

everyone shut up and read this part:

Beomgyu whines, breath quickening as he shoves in the last few inches. He lets his body fall onto yours, needing to be closer, needing to drag his lips over your neck, teeth scratching at your pulse, “say it again, tell me how much you hate me,”  But he knows you can hardly speak, your legs wrapping around him, arms pulling him down closer. “Shut up,” you gasp, his hips rolling against yours.  “then beg me,” he doesn’t even have to say for what. Not when your neck is rolling back to give him better access to your vein, his lips brushing against your skin with each word. “If you don’t hate me, beg me to taste you. I know you remember how much I love to mix the flavor of your blood with your cum still in my mouth,”

I want to declare a moment of silence. for my sanity, for my pride and the person I have become after being bestowed such an honour of a fic. I want to lick every part of cam until there's nothing left of her and I want everyone who I've never came in contact with to have read this fic at least once in their entire life to get at least some use out of it.

this fic is my favourite ever.

bitten

beomgyu x fem!reader

synopsis: it’s been a century since the last youve seen him, why come back now?

warnings: 🔞!!! vampire!beomgyu, vampire!reader, mentions of blood, blood drinking, biting, angst, mentions of a break up,mentions of bite mark scars, a bit of soulmate trope, oral (f!rec), no protection,mentions of subspace, creampie, prob forgot some sorry

wc: 3.8k (now this flung the 2k limit out the window )

an: thank you for the request! I hope that this captured the essence of the request because vamp!gyu was consuming my thoughts after I read those lines. I love vampire fics and im so sad I don't have more on my page already and this was the perfect time to add one. not proofread im so sorry my sweet angel darlings have mercy on me and forgive me of any mistakes found.

[m.list] [1kevent m.list]

The bar was dark enough to keep the bruised necks and wrists of the occasional lost traveler hidden. Spots of blood dripped onto crisp white shirts scenting the air in coppery sweetness. It was a sickening smell to those who didn't need to feed, the alcohol keeping the rest of the occupants held over enough to ignore the twinge. 

You didn't come to places like this often, the back room filled with half-drunk vampires and humans, desperately grasping at each other as they took from one another. Even the drinks didn't call to you, not when he wasn't standing there behind the bar passing them to you, constantly working his eyes up your body like a desperate plea to have even a taste. He hadn't been turned then, not when you first met. The pull towards you always accounted for the fact you were tainted with blood lust. A moth to a flame, he felt that pull, your hunger enough to send him right into the fire without even glancing at him. 

It wasn't often that a human found themselves offering their bodies up to vampires. Most of them felt the hair rise on the back of their necks, the prickling of fear telling them that whoever was standing just round the corner was a wolf in perfectly tailored sheeps clothing, how tight that human look held onto you after your change. The uncanny glow seeping that poisonous warning off in waves, a trap waiting for the truly reckless to trip. 

The ones who wandered closer instead of away always found themselves in the back of bars like this, bruised and hazy eyed laying in beds done up in silk and candlelight. Beomgyu, although working behind the bar for years knew never to offer himself up to the ones who sunk his stomach, that warning to run ringing in his ears as he slid a drink across the hardwood. But you, the second the door had pushed open and your skin washed in that low down glow, tripped him up; your waiting trap snapping shut around him like a rib cage around fluttering lungs. Even the echo of fading hoof beats on stone sounded so close to the beating of his heart that he couldn't tell the difference between flight and flush. 

But that had been years ago, so many that you couldn't even remember the shade of his irises. You remember they were brown, staring up at ceilings casing empty houses trying and failing to conger up the image. Well over a century's worth of time to hate yourself for forgetting the one thing that drew you in at first glance. But it wasn't as if you didn't try to work your way through the fading memories of him, all flickering by like the passing pages of a notebook you forgot you wrote and held so dearly. All you could see was that empty bed, the sugary taste of his blood still on your tongue, your breast still tender from where he bit you over your heart, so hard the soft outline of his teeth, like a stain you desperately wanted to rid yourself of. 

You had come here, back to this bar only three times after he had left to check in. That night with tears in your eyes, heart crumbling, the second taehyun had confessed that beomgyu was gone, packed up with only a shrugged goodbye. “He said he doesn't know when he will be back,” 

You had waited ten years to return the next time, so little time when you counted decades like snowflakes, not the glass shattering hail you assumed beomgyu would have still thought of as a recently turned fledgling. But no one had seen him, heard from him, hardly even thought of him. But he plagued you, ran around your head until you could taste the blood coming from overworked joints. 

The third time was no better, not when you entered and Taehyun shook his head, apologizing for a friend he wouldn't recognize anymore. 

You had given up, moved away, and swore to never think about beomgyu and his puppy stare. That follow you everywhere look that seeped into your bones and begged you to never turn away from him. Only now you were back, sitting in the far corner you fell in love, sinking into the leather seat wishing you could have that first glance back. 

Taehyun felt pity when he saw you, knew that you had been locked away in some house countries away, only sending in orders for blood long since cold. He poured you a glass, the same drink you asked for with tears in your eyes that first night back alone, chugging so many of them back he's sure your blood tasted of fire, too sour, burning all the way down one's throat. 

“Thank you,” neither of you wanted to bring Beomgyu up but he was the first thing on both of your minds. 

“He hasn't-” 

“I don't care,” you tossed back your drink, the ripples of mixed in blood making your fangs tingle, ready to push through soft gums and piece flesh not yet provided. It's why you came. Tired of the empty flavored pints of blood brought to you by Soobin and his sorry eyes. You hadn't put your mouth on anyone since that night, not even when it felt as if you had been scooped out with a spoon, carved open, and laid bare from hunger. If it wasn't him you would have nobody. 

But that declaration was a century ago, so many cold cups later it was tiring to swallow another. “I want a girl, preferably quiet, business only,” Taehyun nodded to your order, already knowing the best pick. 

“Room 615, she can be brought back in about thirty minutes,” there was no room for judgment, not after the years of working behind this counter, sneaking into those beds just like everyone else had. But he knew what it took from someone who hated to drink from a vein, it's why they had the services, those who couldn't go out and find someone or someones to keep up a constant full belly. 

But human blood wasn't the same as drinking from a vampire, humans went out too quickly, blinking back their faintness, never able to take more than a few deep pulls before they were at capacity. Feeding from vampires was anything but a rush, that first mouthful was a wash of exhilaration. It made one dependent on each other, one taste and it was never the same. Taehyun could tell Beomgyu and you drank from each other. Could see it in the years after, the way you turned your nose up even at the bitter drink in your glass. 

You would never feel full again unless you had him back. 

Thirty minutes was enough time to go home and call soobin for a late night order. But your hunger was clawing up your throat, nails on a chalkboard begging for anything else. Having the time to think, sitting here, filled your mouth with the memory of him. Not just the taste of his blood but the faint drum of his turned heartbeat. You still remember the sound his human heart made. The way it pattered at the sight of you, that irregular beat speeding up every time you sat down in front of him, entered through the cherrywood door. 

How even after you had turned him his heart still acted as if it was tied to your presence, fluttering weakly even if it was all it could muster. 

It was that sound that made you turn, conjured up from memory only now to show up right behind you. Taehyun was frozen, face pale at the sight of his lost friend. He had only seen him once or twice after he had been turned but now he was no half human fledgling. 

Beomgyu and you were caught in a web of your own disastrous weaving, stuck in place witnessing the crumbling of love because seeing him only settled the grievances you held into stone.

He wasn't hollow like you were, empty from the time left alone, the bloodlust having fully settled over his skin making him shine in that uncanny beauty. Everything about his gentle human features has been frozen in place, the warmth in his brown eyes only enhanced in the light. How sickening to have to now face the reality of what you had done to him, what he must have run from once he realized he couldn't truly love the monster who infected him. 

It wasn't the butterflies of newfound love but sickening maggots wriggling in your stomach. You stumbled as you stood, not even worrying about the key taehyun had left for you next to your drink, not even a meal could keep you from running as far as you could. 

It had been too long for him to come back when you had given up on trying to wait for him. How many nights had been spent waiting for this exact moment? Only now for you to run away. How cruel fate could be. 

He was calling your name, that twinge of hurt mixed in with something close to pity, every syllable weaved through with the words, no, don't do this, don't make me feel sorry. Even his voice made you waver, the back and forth shake of your head confusing you as you walked down the wrong hallway. 

Even through the doors, you could smell the blood from the occupants behind them, like overripe fruit left to sit on the counter, nothing smelled the same after one drop from him. And now with Beomgyu right behind you, weak heartbeat still mimicking that first sight, it was impossible not to pinpoint the smell of him. Wrapping around you like fog; a haze you tried desperately to claw your way out of but you knew it was no use. You had never felt so hungry until then, carved clean through with the need. 

“Please, let me explain,” he tried, grasping at straws. He didn't intend to see you first, only planned on catching up with Taehyun and apologizing for leaving him behind without answers. Save this conversation for when he built up the courage. “Please,” 

His fingertips only brushed your arm, the shock of it going right down to your toes. It was instinct to turn and slap his hand away, and even in your exasperated exhale, that first acknowledgment was enough to make Beomgyu weak again, as if he had ever been anything but when attached to you. “What is there to explain? You left, you left me there, alone in our bed,” 

“I-” The words were stuck in his mouth, hanging right at the edge of his tongue and yet all that came up was a frustrated laugh, “well did you miss me?” even just hearing his own words he could tell you would fume. 

“Did I mi- you left me! You fucking left me, if anything now I just hate you,” 

It was so easy to fall back into it with you, as if you had woken up alone a few days ago not centuries, “look what you did to me. What I've become, don't act as if you're so innocent in this, don't blame me for decisions we both made,” 

The words felt like a slap in the face. That night you had turned him so clear in your mind, the way he had begged, the way he had burned. It was one of the hardest things you had ever done, most vampires went their whole lifetime without infecting anyone because of how hard it was to complete and yet you had. 

“I turned you after you asked me. Do you know how much it takes? And then like some love-sick fool, I drank from you and every day I think about how stupid I was to believe you would stay. After I left behind everything I knew just so that I could have some human boy stay with me. How pathetic,” the last word was thick, sticking to your throat and pulling your tears forward. “You should go back to wherever you ran away to, climb into some feeders bed to keep warm for all I care,” 

You turned, ready to close the door on a life you wished you had. The one you begged for after nights spent alone clinging to the sheets that still smelled of him. But Beomgyu wouldn't have it, his grip tight on your wrist as he pulled you back, “It was never about changing me, I left because I wanted to know if it was real- that intensity was so…consuming, I was scared and so I ran. I ran and I looked for some way to replicate it because I'm a fucking fool who can't see right in front of himself. You made me addicted to you, I begged you to do this to me and yet I ran. Im sorry,” 

“You can say that but you stayed away so long I'm sure you found some poor soul to swallow down by the mouthful,” he could feel your resentment coiling around him, snapping back at his desperate attempt to explain. Because there was no way for him to get the words out, even after running them around his head for the years he had lost all because of his own fear. 

That night was stuck right behind his eyelids, replaying over and over. Your body pressed to his, soundlessly sleeping as he looked up at your shared canopy bed. Your blood was still singing through his body, staining his perception of life before you. He didn't know he could be so utterly infected by someone so much so that it colored his sky differently. Your soft breathing was enough to tear him apart, he wanted countless nights spent exactly like that one, just watching you, listening to you sleep. And it scared him. He thought humans had been over-emotional, feeling things as they came, wallowing in them because they had little time to let it spread out. But he was wrong, he hadn't known how full the world felt, how full he was after one drop of love from you. And now he was empty, starved clean from his own doing. “I was ashamed,” 

The confession was so quiet matching your question, “And now?” 

Beomgyu looked up from under his lashes, he was close enough now that your scent was suffocating him, begging him to give in and just sink his teeth right over your heart. Find the same place they had last been because no one had been able to tempt him to even pull his fangs down, not since you. “And now I'm starving,” 

Even just the word from his mouth made your fangs ache. You had been getting by on so little for so long. He was the only thing your body needed and you knew he must feel the same. Your mouth was filled with saliva, that venom that numbed prey or set them ablaze. You tried to swallow but you could already taste him, the movement of your throat making his eyes zero in on your pulse. You were no better watching his adam’s apple bob, connecting the dots on long since gone trails of hickeys you’d left before. 

Neither of you knew who moved first, moaning against lips you were sure you’d never kiss again. His sweet venom singing on your tongue. His hands were heavy on your body, pulling you closer as he pushed you against the hallway wall. He wanted to melt into you, his desperation crawling up his skin, hips keeping you in place. 

You chuckled into his mouth, the sound rattling in the back of his throat like a prayer he wanted to keep to himself. “You always did get hard from kissing,” his whimper in response is followed by the grind of his bulge against you. How fast his body reacted to your touch didn’t change when he did. 

His heart was picking up speed, your fingers running through his hair, the groves of your fingertips slotting back into place amongst the strands. Beomgyu’s fangs were already elongating, nipping your bottom lip. He had always felt so good about his self-control, accounting those early days of overfeeding on you for the simple fact of being so recently changed, he should have known you were the variable that cracked the hold he had on himself. It was only worse now that he'd nicked you enough to mix blood into the kiss, his throaty moan rumbling against your body, sinking into your soul. 

You're both stumbling to find a room, twisting knobs until you find an empty one. The silk bed envelops the both of you as you fall into it, peeling off layers of clothes. Beomgyu can smell your sweet arousal between your legs the second he's pushed them apart to kneel between. 

“Now look at this,” you can feel the pad of his thumb running over the bite mark scars he's left on your inner thigh, his grin wicked enough to make your knees twitch. “I wonder if your pretty cunt will remember me as well as your skin has,” 

“You're impossible to forget,” and when you expected him to bite you, following the pattern of his usual ravishing but he skipped it, shocking you with his lips wrapping around your clit, sucking deeply. 

His mouth is on a direct line to your spine, your back arching off the bed. His tongue is hot on you, tracing the lines of your folds, and moaning into your slick. He missed these desperate whines you let slip, the perfect backtrack to the messy slurping sounds he's started. You hadn't even realized how much you had missed his mouth, your fingers twisting into his hair the second he brushed a fang against your swollen bud. He loved to tease but it had been too long since you felt your orgasm rise so fast. 

Beomgyu was eating you like he missed your pussy, your stomach tightening, hips sinking into the sheets. It only takes a few more precise sucks with his puffy lips before your toes are curling, eyes rolling back as you cum for him. His chuckle vibrates against you before he pulls away, chin shining with your wetness. “I missed the taste of you,” 

He hasn't even tried to find someone else to take care of his needs, not when he knew no other cunt could compare to the way yours perfectly molded to him, sucking him in to the hilt. The memory alone is what had him rushing to get inside of you, cock already leaking rivets of precum. 

You've never felt so needy in your life, fangs and pussy aching for him. The drag of his tip from your clit to your weeping entrance makes your knees fall open. One of his hands guides himself to push into you and the other tenderly holds your hip in place. Your mouth drops open at the stretch, slow as he lets you take in the feeling, needing you to remember how full he kept you. 

Beomgyu whines, breath quickening as he shoves in the last few inches. He lets his body fall onto yours, needing to be closer, needing to drag his lips over your neck, teeth scratching at your pulse, “say it again, tell me how much you hate me,” 

But he knows you can hardly speak, your legs wrapping around him, arms pulling him down closer. “Shut up,” you gasp, his hips rolling against yours. 

“then beg me,” he doesn’t even have to say for what. Not when your neck is rolling back to give him better access to your vein, his lips brushing against your skin with each word. “If you don’t hate me, beg me to taste you. I know you remember how much I love to mix the flavor of your blood with your cum still in my mouth,”

As many times as he's crossed your mind, thinking about his fangs in your neck was something that would never compare to the moment they finally sunk in. You had never let anyone feed from you, not until he was there in front of you pleading. You were no better, not after you had changed him, needing to drain him of almost everything. But with one nod he was biting you. 

Beomgyu’s mouth was flooded with your blood, the familiar flavor of iron mixed with the undercurrent of sweet delicacy. He’d dream about the first bite, mouth tingling, fangs brought forward on nothing but the memory of you. Now he was ravenous, so shocked by his own hunger with its pounding fists on nailed shut doors. His hips stuttered in his thrusting, caught on the ecstasy of quenched starvation. 

You felt your mind slip into that hazy space, anything he asked would be answered, every action would be taken, and all you knew was him and him alone. To have that numbing venom injected into your bloodstream was enough to break even the strongest down into puddles of simmering whimpers. 

It was hard to pull away and keep himself from overfeeding like he wished he could. But he felt his orgasm cresting, stomach flexing as his balls tightened. Beomgyu shoved his wrist to your waiting lips, your fangs stinging as they pierced his weak flesh. You drank deeply, thick swallows of the ichor you had prayed to get back on your tongue.

Everything was crashing down around you, beomgyu groaning as you clenched around him, fluttering walls sucking him in as you came, taking everything he had to give. He was a mess of moans, clinging to you as if that could keep him grounded when he felt this good. Every slow shallow thrust only pushes his cum further into you, still being pulled from him with every pulse of your greedy pussy. 

Neither of you can believe how lost you had become, falling into each other like stars crashing into nothing but pooling darkness, so full of energy the only option was to collapse. And it's just what you did, twisting into each other's hold, beomgyu’s kisses pressed over the puncture marks he's made on you, nose brushing up and down your skin trying to keep your scent close. 

Breathing evening you fought back the worry settling in. He had left before, walked right out the door without you knowing anything wrong had been on his mind, what was keeping him from doing it all over again? 

“Stop thinking,” he muttered, mouth finding yours, mixing the flavors of your blood together as he kissed you. “I don't think I could find it in myself to ever leave again,” but he was pulling away, his playful smirk lingering on his lip cleansing your worrying mind if even for a movement. “How could I ever leave again after seeing how happy and full you are after only one round?” he pulled his still hard cock from you, the gush of cum slipping out, pooling on his ready fingers only to shove them right back into your waiting cunt. “No, nothing could keep me from this sight ever again,”

taglist 🏷: @kissmekissykissme @bts-txt-ateez @apeachty @seungfl0wer @lunesdesire @chasingthatjjunie @no1likemybbgcharlie @beomiracles want to be added to the taglist? check out my rules to see how to join! want to be taken off the taglist? send an ask!

[twijaxx]

more fem vamp rin pllzzz ^_^ biting necks this time perhaps

oh! so yall want more Fem vamp Rin? WHO AM I TO REFUSE?

F! itoshi rin x F! reader, Vampire Rin, Smut, VERY occ Rin, Pet names [ Cute girl, Pretty girl] Neck bitting, Blood. wc: 1k

You heard your stomach rumbling, it was evening already so you decided to make some food. As you were going downstairs (wondering where’s your gf OBVIOUSLY) you heard some strange noises at your doorstep “is someone there??… Rinnie is that you?” you usually brushed strange noises off cause you literally lived in the middle of the forest so it was common, but this time you where sure it wasn’t pack of raccoons or couple of wolfs.

“mhhh… me… please.” you where standing too far away from your door to actually hear what that someone.. was talking about, you where scared but you decided to approach your door and look thru the peephole.

The “someone” you heard was actually your girlfriend, but something wasn’t right she was all beaten up, covered in blood clenching at her stomach, did she fight someone again?

“[name] let me in… please…” you where just standing there in shock not even thinking before opening the door.

“Rin what happened! did you-“ you didn’t even have time to finish your sentence before she started passing out but you managed to catch her quickly “what am i gonna do with you now…”

You slowly dragged Rin into your house but what now? she’s all covered in blood and you didn’t want to stain any of your furniture (not talking ab the fact that your fav t-shirt is already stained) You decided to lay her down on the floor, clean her up, change her clothes and then lay her down on your bed.

You managed to do all that, you gave Rin quick kiss on the lips and went downstairs to make something to eat. Your ramen was done microwaving, as you sat down to finally eat you felt someone’s hands on your shoulders (why is everyone interrupting you today?)

“what are you doing Rin?..” -she didn’t respond, that was quite a common thing for her when she wanted to avoid your questions.

“what happened? did you get in a fight again??”-no response, but this time you felt Rin hair nuzzling in your neck slowly leaving wet kisses along your artery, you didn’t have time to ask another question because she lifted you up from your chair (poor ramen:<) and started walking up your stairs carrying you to your bedroom.

You were left breathless the time she finally made it to your bed. “i’m.. hungry, can i feed off on you?” -she said while taking off your bloody t-shirt form earlier. You nodded in a response. You knew she loves to get your heart pounding before finally sinking her fangs into your neck and she never fails to do that.

Rin didn’t waste any second, taking off your bra and panties, you felt like she was staring into your soul every time you two have sex and to be honest, it turned you on so much:3

“come on pretty girl, what are you waiting for? come here..” You exactly knew what she meant by those words, Rin just wanted you to sit on her lap so she can have easier access to your neck and your cunt.

And you did what she asked you to, slowly crawling onto Rin lap as she continued to make out with you. You can’t say your heart wasn’t pounding by now but she wanted more, Rin wanted you to feel like your heart is about to jump out of your chest. And as we know Rin always gets what she wants.

Without a warning she put one finger in your already soaked pussy “My cute girl is already so wet for me, didn’t know i turn you on that much” You wanted to say something but she didn’t let you, adding another finger causing you to moan.

“ahh! Rinnie please!…” “I didn’t know my girl is so needy for me, say what you want and i might give it to you” Is she seriously gonna make you say it? she knows you want her to absolutely ruin you under her touch, you wanted to be fucked out to oblivion by her.

“Don’t worry i know what my girl wants. I’m not gonna make you say it this time.” Why you where suddenly even more turned on my those words? As you where lost in your thoughts Rin started moving her fingers in and out of your pussy quickly bringing you to your climax. (in wasn’t your fault for cumming that quickly she was just too good with her fingers okay?)

“You came so quickly, i think you are ready now” she pulled out her fingers out of your cunt, you whined a little at the feeling of emptiness. She started kissing your neck, looking for a place where she can feel your pulse the strongest, just so she can finally taste your sweet blood on her sharp fangs.

After couple more minutes she found it, that oh sweet spot on your neck, she couldn’t stop staring at when you were around her. “i’m gonna bite you now. okay?” You hummed in response, not wanting her to loose the spot, then suddenly you felt pain at the right side of your neck. It hurts, it really fucking does but every time Rin ask you about it you say it doesn’t, you don’t want her to think she’s hurting you so it’s better if you lie.

After what felt like ages she pulled out, licking the excess blood you had on your neck from what just happened. You felt dizzy, little starts appearing before your eyes.

“are you okay [Name]? You look like you’re about to pass out. did i took too much blood??” -she sounds really worried, which is only common when she feeds off on you. You want to lie that you are okay but the look in her eyes stops you from doing it.

“fuck.. i’m really dizzy Rin, can you bring me a glass of water?” -she asked no questions teleporting to your kitchen and then back to your room. Handing you the glass of water waiting for you to stop drinking. She told you to lay down and you did what she asked, Rin laid down beside you whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you fall asleep.

tags: @isaisliterallyhim :3

O MY FUCKING GOD THIS TOOK ME SOO LONG AND ITS SO SHIT BUT I NEED ITS NOT A WANT ITS A NEED TO SPREAD MY FEM VAMP RIN INTO THE WORD, I NEED PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT MY FUCKING OBSESSION thanks for reading pooks 😝chat i’m lowkey going crazy for writing two fics in two days….

[nowheredreamer]

healing soul

Ridoc x reader

Warnings: mild spoilers of Iron Flame

A/N: Hey everyone this is my first fanfic in a loooooong time, like in probably ten years, so I am a little rusty, so be patience. Also english is not my first language so you may find some incohernet things, but I think I did the best to convey what I wanted. So if you find any error please feel free to tell me, and I would also apreciate any feedback because like I said it's been more than 10 years, so any critiscism, feedback, comments are welcome. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy xoxo

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Ridoc didn’t have  many rules regarding his loving life, the man likes to explore the small and big pleasures that life has to offer. But that was a certain primary standard on his life, especially his rider life, that wouldn't trespass his love life. 

One of them was that he didn’t sleep with cadets, not now that he was in his second year. 

The second one was not sleeping with his squad's flings, they were a family after all and Ridoc did NOT like family feuds. 

And his third and last one was he didn't sleep with infantry, scribes or healers. 

It isn't like Ridoc didn't find some of them attractive, he did. But as a rider he just found them  inferior or boring. It was a standard for him, even though in the last months getting with some of the riders wasn't too appealing for him, now that the first year was over most of the riders felt like his family, it was weird being attracted to someone of your family.

And that would have stayed true if it weren't for a certain girl. Ridoc hadn’t thought much of her, but his second year was a little bit rougher sending him a few times to the infirmary. That is where he met the  apprentice healer for the first time.

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Havoc. Wildness. Despair. Chaos. Those were the words that Y/N would refer to at this moment.  Cadets and riders were entering the infirmary left and right, the smell of smoke and burned meat infiltrared her nose. Madness. She had not figured out yet what had happened, and she couldn't definitely understand what would have happened to leave so many students burned, burned by flames of a dragon. 

But she couldn’t focus on that right now, not when another cadet, with his body so burned that she could see the bone of his cheek, was put in the infirmary bed before her. 

“Holy shit.” Her friend gulped. Gods, even though this was their second year, she and her classmates have not seen such damage like that before.They have dealt with burns before, I mean learning to deal with burning degrees from dragon flames were a basic thing on their learning, but they haven’t ever dealt with this kind of level.

Both girls pushed their emotions aside so they could start attending to the poor boy, who was now crying of pain.

“You're gonna be okay, we are going to treat you then your body can heal and take the pain away, and it will heal, you will be fine.” She reassured the poor boy.

“ I wanna go home, please.” His voice came with nothing but a small begging whisper, both learners looked at each other. She had a lot of respect for what the riders did once they graduated, but She could never understand or accept the brutal ways they did to get to graduation point. 

She took his hand on hers while attending a small burn on his elbow and promised that everything would be okay. She  didn’t want to lie to him, but the only things she could do right now was trying to offer a little comfort. 

“You shouldn’t lie to him.”  A graved tone came from her back, she turned around to see a man, standing on the bed beside the one was attending. - “He’s gonna learn that this place is not for the weak sooner or later.” - The brown hair man said, his tone was serious and he looked at you like riders normally looked at anyone who wasn’t a rider. She shrug at his ignorant words and kept working on the boy laid in front of her until one of  her professor came to continue since the boy's burns degree was way more grave than students could secure.

Then she turned to face the bed beside where the rider, from the fourth wing as his (emblema) showed , was still waiting. 

“Do you need help too or are you just here to supervise our work?”  She said with sarcasm and accusation. Before he could answer, Jonah, her friend and classmate, who was attending to the boy on the bed chimed in.

“His friend has some second degree burns but I’m already taking care of it, but I can see a slight burn on his back.”  Jonah said while putting some leaves on the boy's arm and pointing with his chin to the annoying man on my side indicating that he also had been injured. 

“I’m okay, I don’t need help.” The rider said before I could say anything. She gave him an annoyed look while appointing a chair nearby.

“If you’re here we can’t let you leave without doing a check up first. Let me do my job and this will be over so you can go back to mounting dragons.” He let out an annoyed sound but followed her  to the chair. “Can you please take your shirt?” Her question left as soon as he sat on the chair wanting to get rid of him as quickly as she could.

“Wow there, people usually go on a date first, although healers are not really my type.” His tone was full of mischief but also tardiness, like the joke came automatically to him.  

“Oh my poor heart, how am I going to live after this?”  Her voice was so flat at this point that the man just slightly flinched and took his shirt off. She went behind him, and he really had a burn on his back, but it was a first degree, probably just needing disinfection and then some medication to calm the skin. She grabbed the cloth putting one hand on his back to stabilize him and he instantly gave a slight flinch.

“Gods, your hands are freezing.”  He said rapidly between teeth.

“Good thing for someone who has a burn on his skin.”  She put my hand on his back again while gentlying using the cloth to clean his injury. A shiver ran down his spine, not even the largest, biggest rider was immune to pain.

His strong back tensed with each contact, pulling his muscles together on his beautiful tanned skin. Gods, riders and their fucking beautiful bodies. It was rather annoying actually, but they definitely made up with their personality, especially this one. So annoying.

“Are you trying to kill me or something, woman?” He hissed again, pushing his back away from me. 

“Crybaby” she whispered to herself while grabbing him by his shoulder and continuing to work on his back, but she Guessed her whisper wasn't as silent as she expected because he whipped his head around to look at her. She stared back with a pointing look, and he just smirked and turned around. And a small smile threatened to appear on the girl’s lips.

After finishing up on his back, she started checking for any more injuries on his backside, finding a small one on his neck right on the line where his thick brown wavy hair started. She asked for him to look down and gently touch his stiff nape, and he immediately reacted.

“Sorry.” She apologized knowing from experience that most people were very sensitive around their necks. 

“It 's okay.” He assured me gently, unlike his interaction with her before. He settled his body back to her again and started cleaning the burn with the most delicacy that she could. She still could see the shivers that went on his body, and for a minute it felt like there were just she and him on the infirmary, she was so focus on his responsive body and trying to be gentle with him that her brain fogged the cries, the whimpers, the pain shouts. It was just her and the nameless beautiful rider. She shook my head finishing up and turned around to see if there were any injuries on his front. And she thanked the gods that her cheeks had not heated.

“I'm just gonna do a final check up before we are done.”  His face lifted to the sound of her voice and when his eyes met hers, she could see something sad then, but quickly his facial features turned on the playful side again. She rolled her eyes and quickly moved to do her job, checking pupils. Checking for concussion, and lastly checking his abdomen to see if it had any injuries, and she swore she would try her hardest to not linger too much on his strong body. 

“Do you need more time to check up on me up?” He asked so smudged that she could hear the smirk on his lips. She rolled my eyes again. 

“You are done. I would recommend not wearing anything too tight and sleeping without a shirt and on the front side to avoid inflammation, giving access for your skin to heal and breathe.” She recited the recommendations almost automatically since it wasn't the first or last time she would be saying that tonight. Before he could answer, Noah stepped beside me.

“Sorry to interrupt but Leith it’s looking green again and I think he's going to… “ He hesitated looking at the rider seated in front of them paying close attention to them. But she didnt need for Jonah to complete, she knew, Leith was a really great student, if not one of the bests in class, but when came down to the practical part of it, especially on this case when wasn’t not a premeditated test, he would let his emotions ruled him, and she personally believe that he had an aversion for certain lacerations.

“ I’m finished here, I’m going to check on him, how severe is the situation?” And his face changed the minute the question left her lips, he also didn't need the words, she could see on his face. She gave him a small nod, and he left. She counted to ten to steady her breath, this was going to be a long night. When she turned to the man still seated, his eyes were already searching hers, eyes that once again show that tiredness that she saw before, his eyebrows were lower and slightly closer. And in that instant the man who had looked at her with disdain, sarcasm and playfulness, now had what she accessed as a worried look, and sincere one. She fidget her hands on her coat, not used to the kind of expression, not towards me at least.

“Remember to follow my instructions and unless if you have a family member or someone real close to you, please go to your courts, this place it's already too packed up tonight.” His expression changed to neutral and he lifted from the chair, with that done she turned to go find Leith, when his voice reached me in a low tone.

“Thanks, I am Ridoc, by the way.”

She was surprised and studied his face, his brown light eyes and the soft strands of his hair sticking on his sweaty forehead. 

“Y/N. And I hope I don't see you here again.” she turned before he could answer and went to take care of the poor young life they were about to lose.

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[qinluna]

compliant piece to this, but can be read as a standalone. cw: discussion of suicidal thoughts, toxic relationship dynamic / arrangement. directly references 2-9. reader is gender-neutral. reader is not mc but still works for the association. reader is severely depressed. special cameo at the end + slightly happy ending.

“I’ll be gone. Aren’t you happy that you won’t have to see me then?”

…

“I’m about to leave. It’d be nice if we had a meal together.”

Three days too long. Three days too tumultuous for what you could tolerate. Three days—finally, miraculously up. Everything leading up to it—drove you to the point of mentally drafting resignation letters to the Association. Some combat medic you were. You learn in your time on Skyhaven that perhaps your will was not as strong as it initially was.

You were still a scared, little child in spite of it all.

You’ve drowned out the sound of the news report, before Caleb switches off the TV. Seated on the couch, your weary gaze is focused on your lap. You’re tugging at the bracelet he put on you back when you were in the infirmary. The infection of your wound—and the force of his Evol that held you down when you protested his protection.

The cold, detached look in his eyes…

(And how it hardened even more when you attempted to fight back physically.)

You hadn’t spoken a word since.

‘If being with me only brings you pain, then just put up with this for three more days.’

Three days that you didn’t sleep properly at night—and if you did, it’d be in short, unsatisfactory increments of time. Three days that you ended up vomiting every meal he had prepped and left in his fridge for you.

Three nights of nightmares that were a reminder of your disturbed, regressing soul.

You keep fiddling with the bracelet, the action causing the hologram panels to glitch as they constantly appear and disappear. Caleb’s noticed your deteriorating state, but his duties as a Colonel kept him away from doing anything about it.

In that short bracket of time, when he would arrive back home, he would feel his heart beat uneasily seeing you twitch in your sleep—brows furrowed in distress.

(On the second night, that’s when the guilt nearly cut through him, all because he saw the glisten of tear streaks on your face in the moonlight.)

Finally, in the present, does he make a move.

Caleb strides toward you, getting on one knee and resting his hands on top of your own, stopping you from messing with the bracelet any further.

“I’d say you could be mad, and… to not let it affect your health,” he speaks gently. “But… I hate seeing you like this. Especially when it’s your last day in Skyhaven, and…”

I know I fucked up, he wants to say. I know I should have done better. I know you needed me. I know I’m the reason you’re—

The rest of his thoughts remain unspoken. You don’t care.

“...Remember when I told you, on my thirteenth birthday, that… I wanted to die?”

You finally say something. But the lack of use in your voice has left it hoarse and unfamiliar. You don’t even feel whole. You feel like everything was taken from you, because of him—and you can’t get it back. If there were gods out there, you now accepted the gravity that perhaps this was your punishment. No higher power was protecting you from the yearning of Death.

Caleb’s jaw tenses, and he squeezes your hands a bit firmer as he spoke lowly, “Yeah, I… remember. I hated it.”

“...That’s how I feel right now.” You confess, clearing your throat, “Despite… everything… despite how much I missed you… I never would have thought that I would feel this way again.

“Let alone—you being the reason for it.”

The underlying darkness in Caleb’s eyes dissipates. The constant sight of what was a cold, calculating commander who could bend anyone at his will—shifts. Even in the moments he feigned tenderness for your sake, it’s not even that particular scheme that his gaze changes into.

For once, ever since he held you captive to his side—a glimpse of his truest soul dusts into the violet gaze that looks over you. Offense? Hurt? Sympathy?

You feel like you could hear the distant traffic of Skyhaven’s busy main street. There’s also the slight hum of the heater running—but close enough to you was the slight hitch of his breath. Caleb, who once meant the world to you. Caleb, who once swore to always make you smile.

Caleb, who grieved with you about the life you should’ve gotten instead. You should’ve been happier as a kid, should’ve felt safer. He would have done everything in his power to ensure you of that.

But even as you lift your head to find his eyes, the brief guest of his sincere heart is not meant to stay. It is not enough to sway you to believe that the Caleb you knew was still there.

“...Just let me go home,” you begged him, your voice cracking amid the quiet. “I wanna go home…”

(Had it been different circumstances, you were already home.)

There were a few thoughts running through Zayne’s mind when he was informed by Yvonne that you were checked into a room, only seven hours after you’ve returned from Skyhaven.

One: he’s relieved you’re safe. Considering your days of silence, it prompted him to check his phone more often than he would, hoping to hear something from you. You willingly came to Akso—likely for a check-up. Two: he feels an indescribable, repressed rage that was foreign to him.

An evaluation of your vitals showed you were slightly malnourished and dehydrated. It’s what’s reported to him by Greyson as he’s on his way to your room. But standing near your bed, Zayne instantly notes your eyes, circled by sunken, dark shadows and traces of puffiness that indicated long, agonizing tears. On top of it, your skin was slightly paler.

He needs to know what happened to you on Skyhaven.

Yet that was the last priority of the current matter.

You had been gazing out the windows looking over Linkon City, finally turning your head towards the door to see Zayne. He forgets his role as your doctor for a moment, seeing the silent plea in your eyes.

He barely has time to get a word out when he finally reaches your side. You throw yourself onto him, clinging to Zayne as you break into a horrific fit of sobs. Your tears soak into the pristine, rigid fabric of his white coat. You’re continuing to beg through this anguish, no coherent words leaving you.

And with utmost ease, he envelops you in a firm, protective embrace.

The warmth you had sought in those agonizing, isolated days—was finally here. It’s always been.

[shy-canadian-snowflake]

Not Sober Pt 2

“Hm. Morning baby.” Wade said softly, reaching out for Logan. Logan rolled over and faced the other, a frown on his face. It took a second for Wade to clue in. “Oh.”

“Oh? Oh is all you have to say? Wade, you got stoned last night.” Logan shook his head. “Your doctor told you- you know better. It can worsen your delusions.” 

“I’m not sorry.” The man stated, sitting up. Logan joined him and reached for his hand. Wade wanted to pull away but didn’t. Logan intertwined their fingers. 

“Talk Mouth. Explain to me so I can understand why the hell you’d put your mental health at risk. You’ve been doing so good.” Wade’s lips twitched up into a sad smile as he took Logan’s hand and pressed it into his cheek. He nuzzled into the warm palm and let out a long sigh. 

“I felt like I could control the chaos in my head. Sober me has been getting his fucking ass kicked. My brain is telling me I'm an awful human who only harms people, who only brings fucking suffering and sadness and despair. That there’s a ‘But’ when you say you are happy that I’m still alive.” 

“Darlin. I am happy you are here.” Wade shook his head slowly and pulled Logan’s hand into his lap. He pressed on different parts of his palm, massaging it out. 

“It still feels like there’s a ‘But’. But not really. But only when you are having a good day. But only when you are useful. It’s stupid.”

“It is fucking stupid because it’s not fucking true. I’ll love you bad day or good Bub.” Wake looked at him with a weak smile before going back to playing with his hand.

“Weed helps. I can see my own mental health in the maze that is my head. I can handle the world with all its fucking bullshit, I can understand the situation going on without feeling crippling panic. Everything is in neat tidy boxes that I can grab and organize and file everything away.” He gave a weak laugh, shaking his head. “ It might take me a few more minutes to do things or get the words out but I feel like a functional person who can work, who can do things. I feel like a normal person. I feel okay. I feel real.”

“You are real Wade.” 

“Yeah Well.” He turned Logan's hand over to trace the veins on the back of it. “I don’t fucking feel like it.”

There was a moment of silence as each man took a moment to collect their thoughts. Wade was the first to break the silence, like he always was.

“When I’m sober, I’m locked in a room of dark spaghetti and I can’t get out. I’m drowning in fear of what is going on in the world, the fact that we have a billionaire that’s getting a little too close to being a well known dictator with a horrible taste in mustaches. All of these noodles of despair and fear. Time does repeat and we don’t learn and the sun is going to blow up one day so is it even worth anything and I’m just so scared and I feel like I’ll never not be scared and- and Weed quiets all that. Weed brings me to the chaos I can control. I can consent too. My brain is making me think and feel things without my consent.”

“Okay.” Logan said slowly, throwing an arm around the other and pulling him close. Wade head butted him which he did so back, “What can I do to help?”

“Let me smoke weed without judgment.” 

“And what is your head saying to ya?” Wade hated that Logan always knew when he wasn’t all right. Sometimes it was great when he was questioning his own reality. Questioning if something is really there. It’s not so great when the voices in his ear are telling him things that make sense to him, but he knows won’t make sense to another living soul. It was like messages only for him to understand. Spoken in an old  language only he understood. 

“If I can break my ankle I’ll be in control of my chaos. My mind won’t control me today.” He sighed out, not bothering to fight. 

“That’s why you shouldn’t do weed, darlin. It’s telling you things that aren’t true.”

“They feel fucking true. Can I just die for a few hours and wake up with a better head?” 

“Al will be pissed if we got more blood and guts on this couch.” Wade flopped back onto the pull-out, sighing loudly. 

“I don’t want to fight Logan. I want my mind to be silent for one goddamn day.” There was a warble to his voice as he spoke. Logan laid down beside him, pulling him close- chest to back. He tucked his legs behind Wades, causing the man to curl up a bit more. His arm thrown over Wade’s chest made sure to keep his hand pressed into Wade’s heart, feeling the beating of it through the shirt he wore. 

“Do the meds. Do the meetings. Do what you got to. You will have a quiet day again Wade.”

“I doubt it.” 

“You will.” And Logan spoke with such certainty that Wade wanted to believe.

---

I'm having a real fucking hard time. My brain is saying to break my ankle. It makes sense too. If I do, the pain will override my brain and I won't have to be so fucking scared of everything. Future me- Don't smoke weed, it's not worth this fucking dark puddle.

[lightlyblooming]

Allowed to Live

Pairing: Rio Vidal x Reader

Summary: Death decides to give the reader a second chance.

Words: 893

A sickly feeling churned to life in my gut as I stared down at my own body laid out on the ground before me.

There was something uncanny to it. The person I’d seen in the mirror every day was stretched across the dirt-covered forest floor, looking like just another casualty of battle. Too many open wounds to count littered the body. The largest gashes still leaked blood, adding to the muddy pool of darkening blood around the body. The eyes were still recognizably mine, but held none of the shine I was used to. The chest I had known to fill and move with breaths stayed completely still. 

The pain of all those wounds still echoed in the back of my mind. I could almost feel the unnerving warmth of blood as it grew around me. The icy fear was still fresh, swimming around in my gut.

I followed the body’s gaze and turned my attention to the sky. 

The inky black night, framed by the silhouette of towering trees, caused a deep tranquility to wash over me. The scattering of stars seemed engrained in my soul. The quiet companions to my final moments as a living, breathing person. I wished I had taken more time to learn the constellations, if only so that I could thank each of them for being there with me.

I looked back down, but my eyes caught on a shadowy figure standing in the treeline before my attention could fully return to the cooling corpse.

There was something oddly familiar about it. More comforting than any blanket of night could be. More distant than the array of stars. More familiar than the rise and fall of my own chest. More foreign than the name of those constellations that hung over my head.

Leaves crunched as the cloaked figure walked out of the deepened shadows of the forest. With every step, they grew closer, and my familiarity grew deeper. They brushed back their hood, and it was only then when I could put a name to that familiarity.

“Rio,” I breathed.

“Death,” she corrected, her voice a balm to my soul.

Death.

It was only a matter of time before I met her. Truly met her. I’d sent more people than I could count into her embrace. I’d bargained and begged for her to leave me alone and, for the most part, she had.

Death wore the face of Rio, a woman I had grown to know--and love--throughout my life. That was a mercy, I supposed. Death, my silent companion. Death, the only certainty there was in life. Death, walking hand-in-hand with Rio, the woman who had shown me how to live. Rio, the woman who had shown me what it meant to love so fiercely that it ached. Rio, the woman that had entwined herself into my heart so thoroughly that I feared it’d shatter if she tried to untangle herself.

“It’s been a while,” Rio said, her slow walk coming to an end at the head of my corpse. A small smile fluttered at the corner of her lips, but it didn’t stay for long.

“Too long,” I said, my voice far softer than I’d intended. I had no desire to correct it. There was no use in pretending. Not in front of Rio. Not in front of Death. “I missed you.”

Rio laughed, the sound hollow. “There’s a less dramatic way to get my attention.”

“That wouldn’t be as fun.”

Rio’s expression darkened. “No.” 

She looked down at my corpse, going so still that I nearly thought she’d turned into one of the trees looming behind her. Her stillness washed over me, turning my mind quiet. In the silence, I noticed the aching silence in my chest. The emptiness of my lungs, the absence of my thudding heart. 

Slowly, Rio’s eyes lifted to mine. A sorrow swam in the depth of her expression. Her pain hurt more than any of those wounds had.

She held my eyes as shadows started to wind their way around my corpse. Wandering, searching, caressing. I searched her eyes, trying to decipher what she was thinking, what she was doing. My muscles grew tight. I wondered why it was taking so long, why I hadn’t moved on into the empty darkness of the afterlife.

“I’ll call you for drinks next time, yeah?” she teased.

I blinked, my eyebrows furrowing. I opened my mouth, but before any sound could come out she snapped her fingers and the world fell away from around me.

For a split second, I was in that nothingness. There was nothing and no one.

Then, there was searing pain.

My bones, my blood, my flesh. It burned stronger than anything else ever had. The pain turned into a white-hot knife that cut through me.

I gasped for air, but my lungs protested. They refused to move. They refused to draw in that life-giving air. 

I tried to scream, to beg for help, to beg for Death. 

Darkness pressed in around my consciousness, that inkiness once again washing over me. I braced myself to fall back into it, but my lungs gave in first. Air rushed in, expanding my lungs, causing my chest to rise and fall. My chest ached, likely from a combination of broken ribs and atrophying muscles, but I was breathing. 

I was alive. 

[chaotic-snowflake]

Probably going to get hate for this but tbh I don’t really care because it needs to be said. I feel like social media culture has absolutely killed fandom culture, and anyone producing content is suffering for it. I mean, seriously, AO3 isn’t TikTok. We’re not getting paid to do this shit, we’re doing it for free. All of us have lives outside of this, whether it be school, work, etc. But we’re still taking time out of our busy schedules to create something not for us, but for you. Sure, people say “write for yourself”, and to an extent, I do, but if I were writing for just myself I wouldn’t spend hours polishing my work so I could post it and share it with you. The things I’ve written solely for myself are scrappy. They’re in notebooks. They’re not meant for you.

But the works I share online, those are written for you. Not for me, but for you. And in return for what is often weeks of work, we get a click. A digital heart, if we’re lucky. Because modern social media culture is all about consumption—click, consume, then move on to the next thing without even bothering to at the very least thank the person who crafted something with love for your eyes. I can’t speak for artists, but as a writer this is very disheartening. Nowadays, I find myself more and more inclined to quit what I do and focus on the other things in my life, because I’ve spent god only knows how much of my time creating for you only to see not a single thanks for it, and over time it’s just gotten worse and worse. I don’t want to quit writing. I’m proud of my AO3, and I do have readers who enjoy my work and let me know that—unfortunately, they’re in the slim minority; so much so that I can count them on one hand. But the fact of the matter is that art is not meant for this rapid consumption culture. And when people put their heart and soul into creating things for you FOR FREE and see nothing for it, we become disheartened. We feel like it’s all for nothing. And we want to quit. It takes maybe 30 seconds to leave a comment. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant; oftentimes just a simple “thank you” will make a writer’s day. A couple nice words could give us the motivation to create something new.

Please, if you have any ounce of respect for the creatives in your life, just leave a comment. I don’t care if y’all on here call me selfish or greedy, because as a writer, trust me—your comments mean the world.

[what-have-i-unleashed]

counting stars

oops forgot about this for some reasons.... hey pspspsps @qin-qin16 come get your food i promise this has no allergies at all :3

“how do you like the stars?” killer asks color as they both lie in the grass, staring up at the night sky. killer has his arms folded behind his head, a contemplating noise in his throat before he continues.

“i know you’ve got some poetic stuff to say about it, hippie boy. something about hope, love, destiny, or whatever.” he plucks and rolls a blade of grass between his fingers, then flicks it away. “me? i hate them so much. i don’t think i’ve ever told you, huh?”

silence. killer takes it as a cue to keep talking.

“they all look so bright and near each other in the sky. but the reality is, they’re just there all alone in the vast universe. distant. cold. burning their last embers of life on their lonesome. or worse, existing in vain while a black hole slowly consumes them. nothing pretty, really.”

color still doesn’t speak, leaving killer to simmer in the cold night air. normally, this would be the part where they argue. color would insist that there is beauty in the world, that there is meaning if you just look hard enough. and then it would devolve into some self-righteous rant about the goodness in people, about how killer is never beyond saving. all misguided belief that killer has tried to beat him out of again and again to no avail.

it is kind of cute actually, how much color actually believes in it.

killer will never admit it though. because that would be a weakness, and weakness is a liability, something to be gutted out of in order to survive. in this world, it’s kill or be killed. and yet, some people don’t seem to get the memo – color being one of them. always reaching out to killer, always trying to drag him towards an ideal life that doesn’t exist. killer should feel annoyed, but it actually feels kind of nice, knowing there is someone who cares for him this much to put up with his flaws. to be willing to reforge him back into a shape they desire. even if it’s futile. even if it’s stupid.

to be loved is to be changed, after all.

and maybe, he’s just started to be primed for change right now. a steel knife thrown into a furnace ready to be reshaped.

“you know…” killer hums. “we’re enemies, so i never tell you this. i like having you around, i think. you make me feel real.” his hand searches for color’s. it’s as cold as his, but it makes him feel warm inside. “when we try to kill each other, i never feel more alive. i have someone who cares enough to look at me, at my ugliness. so… thank you.”

the breeze stills.

“say something, damnit.”

killer turns his head.

color lies there, in the grass, his face slack, his body unmoving, specks of dust flowing around him. no twitch. no soul beat. nothing. just stillness. silence.

the eternal smile on killer’s face doesn’t fade, but it turns sharper, more rigid. he waits, expecting color to stir, to light up his eyes and confirm this is not just a dream. but color doesn’t. color never will.

the wind whispers through the soft grass, brushing against killer’s cheeks like a caress of something long gone.

“oh.”

his voice comes out flat. emotionless.

he should feel something. he should feel many things. grief, regret – anything really. but there is just... emptiness. a hole in his chest where something should be. and yet, nothing comes out.

is he broken?

he looks back up at the stars. they shine just as brightly as before, as if mocking him. as if taunting him with their brilliance, with the fact that the light of his life has been snuffed out.

one more reason to hate stars, really.

"guess you finally gave up on me after all."

[salvadorbonaparte]

January 2025 in Films

Hey what if I do these monthly?!

Godzilla Minus One (2023) - I love a big scary lizard but I love stories of hope and perseverance and of trauma and horrors of war even more so you can imagine the great time I was having crying while watching this

Mutt Boy (2003) - the protagonist's dog is killed and eaten by bullies and he should have been allowed to go full John Wick on them. He does get to beat people though, which is a plus. A very weird film but somehow enchanting. Also a rare example of a film with a mentally disabled protagonist without it being the main focus

Operation Mincemeat (2021) - pretty standard when it comes to based on a true story WW2 spy stuff but fun to watch

Steel Rain (2017) - character dynamics reminiscent of a buddy cop movie, blatantly propaganda and weirdly pro nuclear weapons but also surprisingly nuanced in some ways, some really fun and tragic character moments

Steel Rain 2: Summit (2020) - fascinating choice to have the same actors in different roles and switching nationalities, a lot sillier and a lot more convoluted than the first one, works pretty well as a satire and once again surprises with some character dynamics

Conclave (2024) - Edward Berger's sins (his all quiet adaptation) have been forgiven. So beautifully shot. Like 12 angry men both in some plot aspects and in the way I was surprisingly on the edge of my seat despite it just being old men talking. The plot twist made me gasp

A City of Sadness (1989) - tfw a film called a city of sadness is actually sad... I've screamed about this film before but insane how it portrays mundane beauty in times of political terror, really interested in disappearances and presences in it, my first Taiwanese film and made me really curious about Taiwanese history

In the Mood for Love (2000) - I put off watching this for years because I wasn't in the right mood and then it peeled me like an orange, a film that feels like basking under the warm glow of an infrared lamp while it tears you apart at the seams

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) - Paul Newman I love your salad dressing! Great landscapes and an outlaw polycule

Kommt ein Vogel geflogen (2023) - the poster has a parrot and an old timey German font so I jokingly asked if the parrot is a Nazi and then the parrot actually was a Nazi. Insane film. Funny in a surreal fever dream way. Takes itself too seriously at times but really good when taken as satire

Eternal Summer (2006) - deeply moving and tender, filled with so much yearning I had to hold my breath at times, yearning so intense it becomes self destructive and isolating, I'd argue the ending is more ambiguous and positive than some claim

Girlfriend Boyfriend (2012) - it's only fair that after Eternal Summer Joseph Chang plays the gay yearning part of the love triangle this time, more yearning to the point of self destruction or how the film puts it "the bitterness is self-inflicted", an exploration of teenage rebellion succumbing to adulthood and the changing political landscape

The Silent War (2012) - Good news this included two research interests at the same time and also Tony Leung. Bad news it wasn't very good. Really difficult to find online with English subtitles.

Soul (2013) - this one was surprisingly difficult to find with English subtitles at first but worth the search, a very quiet slow horror film but still shook me to the core, I loved the ambiguity between possession and mental illness because in the context of the movie does that even matter?

[loveatfirstfight5-0]

@boazpriestly thanks for this coda, hope you don't mind I had to write this little something to get it out of my head ...

Never let me go

Steve had left after Daiyu Mei’s attack.

Danny understood why. At least, he had tried to.

Steve had spent a decade carrying weight that no one else could see. Losing his father. Losing Joe. Losing Freddie. Losing Catherine in more ways than one. Losing the future he had once imagined for himself. And when Daiyu Mei came back into his life, dredging up old wounds and forcing him to relive his father’s murder all over again, it was too much.

So, he left.

Danny had told himself that he understood. That Steve needed to figure out who he was when he wasn’t carrying Five-0 on his back, when he wasn’t holding the entire world together with sheer force of will. Danny had even convinced himself that he wasn’t mad about it. Because that would be selfish, right? Steve deserved to find his peace.

But when Steve had left—when he had actually walked away, boarded that plane without any kind of real plan or promise—he had taken something with him.

Danny had felt it the second Steve disappeared through security at the airport. A hollow space had opened up inside his chest, like someone had scooped out an essential piece of him and walked away with it.

And then, for weeks, months, nothing.

Sure, Steve checked in. Occasionally. A text here, a phone call there, always just enough to let Danny know he was alive but never enough to make it feel like he was still here.

Danny had kept going, of course. He had to. He had Charlie, and Gracie when she was home from college. He still had Five-0, sort of, though it wasn’t really the same. But every time his phone buzzed, he hoped it was Steve. And every time it wasn’t, he felt that stupid hollow space get just a little bit bigger.

Then one day, Steve had come back.

Like it was nothing. Like he had never left.

Danny had been standing in the middle of his kitchen, half a sandwich in his hand, when Steve knocked on the door and then just walked in. Danny had nearly choked.

"Hey," Steve had said, like he was coming home from a weekend fishing trip and not months away on some vague soul-searching adventure.

Danny had stared at him for a solid ten seconds before he spoke.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Steve had blinked, clearly thrown by the reaction. Like Danny was supposed to just roll out a welcome mat and hand him a beer.

"I, uh, came back?"

Danny had put his sandwich down and exhaled through his nose. "Oh, you came back, did you? Just like that? Like you didn’t up and vanish on me with nothing but a see you when I see you?"

Steve’s jaw had tightened, his body shifting in that way it did when he was bracing for a fight.

Danny had shaken his head. He wasn’t doing this. Not right now. Not when his heart was beating so damn fast in his chest that it actually hurt.

"Go home, Steve," Danny had said, turning away. "I can’t do this right now."

Steve had left without another word.

That was a week ago.

And now, Steve was here, standing in Danny’s living room, looking at him like he was trying to see straight through his skin. Like Danny was some kind of puzzle he was desperate to figure out.

Danny was tired. So tired.

He exhaled and let it happen.

"I loved you, Steve," he said, the words tumbling out before he could stop them. "I was in love with you, and I—"

“Was?”

The word pushed down on Steve’s tongue, scraping hard like sandpaper across an open wound. His heart pounded ruthlessly behind his ribs, so loud in his own head that Steve was certain everyone within a ten-mile radius could hear it. “Are you not anymore?”

Danny let out a sharp breath and ran both hands through his hair before dragging them down the sides of his neck. “No,” he muttered, then groaned and shook his head. “I mean, yes, I’m still in love with you, but…”

Steve lifted his foot to take a step forward but set it back down just as quickly. The ache to reach out and touch Danny, to just hold some part of him—his hand, his wrist, the hem of his shirt—burned through Steve’s entire body like a dry log in the middle of an inferno.

He stayed put.

Danny turned slowly and looked at him, something in his expression crumbling just a little.

“Steve, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep chasing you and putting you first if you aren’t going to do the same for me.”

“Danny—”

“Please, just let me say this. I have to get it out before I lose my nerve.”

Steve nodded.

Danny exhaled and sat on the couch, covering his face with his hands briefly before patting the cushion next to him.

Steve sat as close as he dared, but Danny scooted over until their bodies touched.

Steve couldn’t stop the sigh of relief that escaped his mouth, or the way his body just lost all of its tension the second Danny’s shoulder pressed against his.

“Listen, I’m in love with you, Steve,” Danny said quietly. “I have been in love with you for so long, and I hate that it took you leaving for what felt like forever for me to be able to admit that out loud. I hate it so much. But what I hate more is that you left me. Here. Alone. Again.”

Steve swallowed, his fingers curling into the fabric of his jeans.

“And I get it,” Danny continued. “I get that you needed to go. I understand that you’re on this whole self-discovery journey, and I’m happy for you. I support you. But Steve, I need you to choose me. Not— not before yourself or whatever, but if you love me like you say you do, then I need you to choose me. Please.”

Steve opened his mouth, but no words came out.

Danny closed his eyes and nodded, like he had expected as much. “Yeah. Okay.” He moved to stand, but Steve grabbed his wrist.

Not hard. Just enough to say stay.

Danny stopped.

Steve loosened his grip, let his fingers slide down until they curled around Danny’s hand.

“I do love you,” Steve said, voice hoarse. “I love you, Danny. And I—I don’t know how to do this the right way. I don't know how to be good at this. But I don’t want to lose you.”

Danny exhaled slowly, his fingers tightening around Steve’s. He tilted his head, eyes searching Steve’s face, trying to decide if he believed him. If he could trust this moment.

And Steve didn’t let go.

“I don’t need perfect,” Danny said again, softer this time. “I just need you to try.”

Steve nodded. “I’m trying.”

Danny studied him for another moment, then exhaled and sank back onto the couch. His shoulder pressed against Steve’s again, warm and solid.

This time, he didn’t move away.

“Okay,” Danny said finally. “Then don’t stop.”

Steve didn’t let go. And Danny didn’t pull away.

For a long moment, they just sat there, the silence between them thick but not heavy. Not the kind of silence that meant something was breaking. It felt more like something was settling. Something that had been unspoken for too damn long.

Danny exhaled, his fingers twitching a little beneath Steve’s, but he didn’t try to move. If anything, his grip tightened, like he needed to remind himself that Steve was still there.

Steve swallowed, his free hand rubbing against the seam of his jeans. He wasn’t good at this. Never had been. But this thing with Danny—whatever it had been, whatever it was—had always been different.

Danny sighed and shook his head, a small, self-deprecating smile curling at the edge of his lips. “I really didn’t expect you to grab my hand, y’know,” he muttered. “Thought you’d just let me walk out.”

Steve frowned, his fingers flexing slightly. “Why?”

Danny scoffed, tipping his head back against the couch. “Because you’ve let me go before.”

Steve flinched. He didn’t mean to, but it hit him square in the chest, stealing the breath right out of his lungs.

Danny must have noticed because he let out another sigh—less sharp, more tired. “I don’t mean that the way it sounded,” he admitted. “I just— I thought you were always gonna be the guy who needed to run. And I was always gonna be the idiot chasing after you.”

Steve’s throat felt tight. He turned slightly so he could see Danny’s face more clearly, the soft glow of the lamp throwing shadows across his sharp features.

“I don’t want to run anymore,” Steve admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

Danny blinked, clearly surprised.

Steve licked his lips, his chest tightening as he tried to string words together. He wasn’t good at this. At explaining things. At making people understand what was happening in his head. But if he didn’t try—if he let Danny walk away again—he wasn’t sure he’d get another chance.

“I thought leaving was the answer,” he said slowly. “Thought if I got away, if I could just figure myself out, then I’d come back knowing what I was supposed to do. How I was supposed to fix things.”

Danny nodded slightly, but his expression was guarded.

Steve inhaled sharply. “But all it did was make me realize that nothing out there made sense without you.”

Danny blinked again, and this time, something in his expression cracked.

Steve let go of Danny’s hand just long enough to reach for his wrist again, his fingers sliding over the warm skin there, feeling the steady pulse beneath his touch.

“I love you,” Steve said, the words coming easier this time. “And I don’t know how to be the guy who gets it right all the time, but I do know that I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to run anymore.”

Danny exhaled through his nose, his eyes flickering away for a brief moment before coming back. His lips pressed together, like he was trying to decide whether or not to believe it.

“Okay,” Danny said finally, voice quiet. “Then don’t.”

Steve nodded, his grip tightening. “I won’t.”

Danny held his gaze for another long second before sighing and letting himself lean into Steve’s shoulder again. This time, he let his head rest there, like he was too damn tired to keep holding himself up.

Steve didn’t move. Didn’t breathe for a second.

Then, slowly, carefully, he turned his head just enough for his lips to brush against Danny’s hair.

Danny made a soft, barely audible sound but didn’t pull away. Steve exhaled.

Danny didn’t move for a long time. His head stayed where it was, pressed against Steve’s shoulder, like he was testing the weight of it, seeing if he could trust this moment—trust Steve.

Steve didn’t dare shift, didn’t even risk a deep breath, afraid that if he moved too much, Danny would pull away. That this fragile, tentative thing between them would shatter before he could prove that he meant what he said. That he wasn’t running this time.

Eventually, Danny sighed, the warmth of it ghosting across Steve’s collarbone. “So what now?”

Steve swallowed, his fingers still curled around Danny’s wrist, feeling the slow, steady pulse beneath his fingertips. He wasn’t sure if it was Danny’s heart pounding or his own, but it didn’t really matter.

He turned his head slightly, resting his cheek against Danny’s hair, just for a second, just to feel close. “I don’t know,” Steve admitted, voice low. “But I’m not going anywhere.”

Danny let out a quiet huff of laughter, but there was no bite to it. “That’s a start, I guess.”

Steve tightened his grip just a fraction, like a silent promise.

Danny exhaled again, and his fingers twitched against Steve’s knee before curling into the fabric of his jeans, holding on like he wasn’t quite ready to let go either.

After a while, Danny shifted, sitting up a little, but he didn’t move away entirely. He rubbed a hand over his face, exhaling through his nose, and then turned slightly to look at Steve, really look at him.

“You don’t get to back out of this,” Danny said, quiet but firm. “You don’t get to tell me all this and then decide later that you’re not sure.”

Steve met his eyes, steady. “I won’t.”

Danny searched his face, like he was looking for a crack, for an excuse, for some reason not to believe him. But Steve didn’t give him one.

Finally, Danny let out a long breath, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “Okay,” he murmured. “Okay.”

Steve nodded, his fingers still tangled in Danny’s.

Danny shook his head slightly, lips twitching, like he couldn’t quite believe this was happening. “You’re gonna drive me insane, aren’t you?”

Steve huffed a quiet laugh, shifting just enough that their knees bumped together. “Probably.”

Danny sighed dramatically, but there was a warmth in his expression now, something softer. “Yeah, well. That’s nothing new.”

Steve smiled, small but real.

Danny eyed him for a second longer, then sighed and muttered, “Come on,” before pushing himself up off the couch.

Steve frowned slightly, immediately feeling the loss of contact, but Danny just jerked his head toward the hallway. “I’m going to bed. And if you meant what you said, you’re coming with me.”

Steve’s throat tightened, but he nodded.

Danny didn’t wait. He just turned and walked toward his bedroom, and Steve—without hesitation, without doubt, without any of the fear that had kept him stuck for so damn long—followed.

Steve followed Danny down the hall, his heart thudding in his chest with something close to anticipation but edged with nerves. This was it. No running. No excuses. Just them.

Danny pushed open the bedroom door and stepped inside without looking back. He didn’t make a big deal about it, didn’t pause for dramatic effect—just kicked off his shoes and pulled his shirt over his head before tossing it somewhere in the general direction of the hamper.

Steve hesitated for half a second before stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

Danny turned, watching him, his hands on his hips. “You planning on standing there all night?”

Steve huffed a quiet laugh, shaking his head as he toed off his shoes. He pulled his shirt over his head as well, more hesitant than Danny had been, but when he met Danny’s gaze, there was no judgment there. Just something warm, something patient.

Danny slid onto the bed, sitting against the headboard, one arm resting casually across his stomach. He patted the empty space beside him. “Come on, Commander.”

Steve didn’t hesitate this time. He moved toward the bed, slipping under the covers, the warmth of Danny’s body immediately seeping into his side.

For a moment, neither of them spoke.

The room was quiet except for their breathing, and Steve realized that despite all the times they had been in bed together—not like this, but still—this felt different.

Danny shifted slightly, turning on his side, one arm tucked under his head. “You still good?”

Steve turned to face him, mirroring his position. “Yeah.”

Danny exhaled, his fingers twitching slightly against the mattress. “Okay.”

Steve watched him for a moment before hesitantly reaching out, his fingers brushing lightly against Danny’s wrist. He expected Danny to pull away, but instead, Danny let out a small breath and turned his hand, lacing their fingers together.

Steve squeezed gently, grounding himself in the moment, in the warmth of Danny’s palm against his.

Danny let out a quiet, tired laugh. “You realize I’m gonna make you work for this, right?”

Steve smirked. “Yeah, I figured.”

Danny shook his head, but his fingers tightened around Steve’s.

A beat of silence stretched between them, comfortable this time.

Then, quietly, Danny murmured, “Don’t make me regret this.”

Steve swallowed against the tightness in his throat and squeezed his hand again, just a little. “I won’t.”

Danny didn’t say anything else, just let out a slow breath and closed his eyes.

Steve stayed awake a little longer, just watching him, letting the reality of this settle into his bones.

No more running.

No more hesitation.

Just Danny, warm and solid beside him.

And this time, Steve wasn’t letting go.

“I loved you, Steve. I was in love with you, and I —“

“Was?” The word pushes down on Steve’s tongue, scraping hard like sandpaper across an open wound. His heart pounds ruthlessly behind his ribs, so loud in his own head that Steve’s certain everyone within a ten mile radius can hear it. “Are you not anymore?”

“No,” Danny says, pushing both hands through his hair and then dragging them down the sides of his neck. “I mean, yes, I’m still in love with you, but...”

Steve lifts his foot to take a step forward but sets it back down just as quickly. The ache to reach out and touch Danny, to just hold some part of him, even just the hem of his shirt or the cuff of his sleeve, burns through Steve’s entire body like a dry log in the middle of an inferno. He stays put. Danny turns slowly and looks at him.

“Steve, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep chasing you and putting you first if you aren’t going to do the same for me.”

“Danny...”

“Please, just let me say this. I have to get it out before I lose my nerve.”

Steve nods.

“Good. Okay,” Danny sits on the couch and covers his face with his hands briefly, then pats the cushion next to him. Steve sits as close as her dares, but Danny scoots over until their bodies touch. Steve can’t stop the sigh of relief that escapes his mouth or the way his body just loses all of its tension the second Danny’s shoulder presses against his.

“Listen, I’m in love with you, Steve. I have been in love with you for so long and I hate that it took you leaving for what seemed like forever for me to be able to admit that out loud. I hate it so much, but what I hate more is that you left me, here, alone...again. And I mean, I understand that you’re on this journey of self-discovery, and I’m happy for you and I support you, but Steve, I need you to choose me. Not like — not before yourself or whatever, but if you love me like you say you do, then I need you to choose me. Please.”

[boyybites]

god ive missed you sm