#feel like actual supportive and welcoming circles of people

[yupuffin]

Listen. Cosplayers, listen.

"Comparison is the thief of joy" is an idiom for a reason.

As someone who's had my mental state absolutely ruined by being constantly compared to other people for my entire life, I think the cosplay "community" could really benefit from not taking the competition aspect quite so seriously.

Yes, cosplay contests are perhaps THE main event of basically any convention or gathering that involves cosplay--but it being a competition is primarily to give the audience a reason to attend and see everyone show off their work--some tension and excitement, in the form of anticipating who will bring home the rewards.

In reality, the existence of the competition format doesn't necessarily mean any cosplayers inherently deserve awards more than any other, or because any cosplayer is ~ better ~ than any other. It's for the audience. For the cosplayer, cosplay doesn't have to be about the competition, about constantly comparing yourself to others or even to your past self.

In fact, it's probably healthier for you, and the cosplay "community" as a whole, if it's not.

Cosplay is an art first and foremost--each piece has inherent worth and value just by being created, and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to cosplay. Some people have been doing it longer than others, or may use different tools or techniques from others, but there are no "elite" cosplayers, and there isn't a cosplay "community" as long as people still put so much emphasis on awards and comparing each other as they currently do.

Even if you're only comparing yourself to your past self--your current work to your past work--constant pressure to improve with every single piece can be unhealthy, or even as toxic as comparing it to the work of a completely different person.

As an artist, you have to be okay with making mediocre art. Not everything you make is going to be a masterpiece. You will not necessarily see improvement in your skills with each individual work. You can't make great art without also making a lot of meh art in between. If it harms your enjoyment of cosplay as a hobby not to continuously make pieces that are better than all the last ones, you're likely going to spend a lot of cosplay time being disappointed instead of having fun.

This is just my personal opinion of the competition format, though. I'm not saying we have to do away with competitions entirely--I just really think they should be taken less seriously and emphasis should be removed from what comparisons are being made and instead put on supporting and welcoming every cosplayer, regardless of their skill level or ability, actual or perceived, because the "quality" of a cosplayer's art does not determine the value of the piece or of the artist. At least, that's if we really want the cosplay "community" to be a COMMUNITY.

If you'd like, you can treat cosplay as a sport instead of an art form--but you can't build a true "community" on wanting to be ~ better ~ than everyone else in the room.

By the way, everything I've said in this post also applies to dance.

(...And likely every other form of art out there as well, but cosplay and dance are where I have experience.)

[denwritesandcries]

Later we'll fall because of this – H.C

Pairing: loser!hazel x fem!reader

Summary: Maybe you should have considered what it actually meant to get in a relationship with Hazel, especially a fake one, before you said yes, because now you're falling deep and deep in it and you don't know what to do.

Word count: 5,5k.

Content: cursing, fake dating, kisses, pining, slightly angst, miscommunication, unhealthy situationships, mentions of blood, hazel sends mixed signs (unknowingly), reader is a LOSER, insecure!hazel, flirting, dumb teenagers.

Note: This shouldn't have taken so long since I had all the story planned already, but august was just… crazy, jesus. Anyway, hope y'all enjoy and thanks for being so patient and supportive with this small series, it really means the world to me.

English is not my first language.

<<

You barely register what happens through the rest of the night, returning home with your head completely flustreaded and your heart pounding in your throat, a goldfish in a fragile plastic bag on your shaking hands and a single text from Isabel when you finally fall into bed.

[josie told me what happened

you're welcome btw]

Well, fuck.

Maybe you should have considered what it actually meant to get in a relationship with Hazel, especially a fake one, before you said yes, because now you’re standing outside the school, nervously clutching the straps of your backpack and not having the courage to go in and face what’s to come.

Still, you do it, because Hazel asked to meet you at your locker before classes started and ignoring her now would just be rude – as if you could ignore her in the first place – so you put your head up and walk down the halls feeling like everyone is staring at you.

And she’s waiting just like she said she would, swaying from foot to foot and seemingly searching for something in the crowd of students. The ear-to-ear grin Hazel gives you when she sees you coming makes your anxiety ease a little.

You greet her a little hesitantly, it’s not like you’ve spoken much since the fair, so you’re not sure how to avoid making things awkward.

Apparently, neither does she, “Hi!” Hazel answers, a little too loudly, before cringing and looking around, as if at any second someone might come along and expose the lie you’re about to tell. Clearing her throat, she starts again, “So, I just wanted to know if it’s okay for me to start walking you between periods now, or— or maybe give you a ride after school, I mean, I know that you usually take the bus but,” Hazel begins to ramble, “I thought that would be more convincing, since, you know, that’s what couples do and—”

“Haze, it's okay,” you interrupt, resting a reassuring hand on her shoulder instinctively, brushing some lint off the hodie she's wearing to keep yourself from overthinking it, “Yes. For both things. It's not like we've never done that before, right?”

“...Right,” she looks down at your hand where it's rubbing circles on her shoulder, blinking in realization, “You're right!” she groans, “We already do all this stuff, how are people going to buy it if nothing changes between us? How will PJ?” You try to hold grimacing at the mention and Hazel rests her hands in her head in panic, “Fuck. We should've planned this before we got here, I'm a terrible liar.”

You really should have and she really is a terrible liar. Great, now you're getting nervous too. That's what happens when two anxious teenagers decide to do something on impulse. Just great.

“Okay,” you take a deep breath, someone has to take charge here, “Why don’t we just play along today without elaborating on anything for everyone? Then when class is over we can go to my place and plan everything properly together.”

Hazel relaxes a little at your words and nods, “Yeah, yeah. Sounds good,” she clears her throat, “So, I guess we’ll just have to wing it for today then.”

“It was your idea, sweetheart,” you shrug, “We’ll get through this day.”

The first bell rings and Hazel takes on a determined expression, nodding, she turns, gently taking the bag hanging from your shoulder and placing it next to hers, ignoring your confused look to extend a hand to you, “C’mon, we better not be late this time.”

And you go.

It takes a moment for you to absorb the gasps of excitement and surprise that come when you and Hazel enter Mr. G’s class, too busy cataloging the way her hand feels in yours to pay any real attention to your surroundings. Hazel’s hand is cold and a little damp from flutter, you can perfectly feel the outline of the loose rings on your intertwined fingers and it feels simply perfect. It’s different then other times you’ve held hands, as if she wanted to transmite another kind of feeling. As if she wanted to show it off.

Hazel’s voice sounding close to your ear brings you back into the moment, she squeezes your hands together with an excited whisper: “I think it’s gonna work, she’s already looking at us.”

And sure enough, there’s PJ when you look up, sitting on the edge of the seat with her gaze burning into your hands, Josie watching the scene next to her with a raised eyebrow.

There’s also Sylvie and Annie, a bit perplexed but still cheering from their seats, not giving a damn about the students they don’t know coming into the room to actually try to study.

“What is that?” Sylvie slaps her hands on the table excitedly as you sit next to her and Hazel hands you your backpack, “You guys are a thing now? Dude, that’s awesome!”

“So you did listen to me,” Annie nods to Hazel in approval, “I told you that it had better options. Good job, Haze.”

Hazel lets out an awkward laugh, accepting the teasing with a red face and you stand there, shy and a little confused. You didn’t expect them to react so… genuinely happy, as if you hadn’t all been talking about her liking someone else just a few days ago, in fact, you expected a barrage of questions and suspicious looks. Well, who knows, maybe luck was just on your side with that.

(You kick Jeff's chair hard when the teacher isn't looking as you hear him laughing with his stupid friends about "the freak finally getting a girlfriend", giving Hazel an innocent smile when she turns around with a questioning look at the noise.)

The day passed peacefully, with Hazel walking you to every period, rushing to carry your bag and open doors for you, smiling brightly at your nods of approval and making sure to hold your hand at every opportunity.

It was really sweet to have someone do that for you, to try so hard. It made you feel like a schoolgirl in love and sighing in the hallways – which, for what it’s worth, you were – a warm, timid feeling filling your chest every time she came into view. During lunch she put an arm around you, happily chatting with everyone, taking your hand to play with your fingers once PJ was there too. You almost managed to swallow the bitter taste in your mouth and enjoy it fully – almost.

Now you were both leaving, absently commenting on the reactions you had elicited and you're thinking about what topics to cover when you get home to discuss and match stories, you had to make sure you were on the same page.

“Psst,” Hazel calls as you reach her car, opening the passenger door for you and placing a gentle hand on your shoulder to stop you from getting in.

You frown at her upset expression, following her gaze to find the scene she’s staring at the other side of the parking lot.

“Oh,” it’s Josie, Isabel, Brittany, and PJ, of course, but this time with a new addition. The cheerleader Hazel mentioned before, clinging to the arm of a very pleased-looking PJ, “Shit, I’m sorry, Haze.”

Her lips press into a thin line and you feel a pang in your chest at how uncomfortable she is about this, but you can’t say anything because Brittany spots you and waves goodbye as she walks to her own car. And now all of your friends have seen you both too.

“They’re looking,” Hazel mumbles. She seems closer, even though you haven’t heard her approach. Her hand is still holding the door, she's almost leaning over your body.

“I've noticed,” you whisper back. You don't know why your voice suddenly got low, a shiver runs down your spine as you feel her touch moving up your arm.

Hazel leans in even closer, her breath is warm against your face. You gulp.

“She's looking.”

Maybe it was pretty naive, or stupid, that you started dating someone – whether it was fake or not – with the intention of showing it off and not having considered for a second that you would kiss that person, like, actually kiss them. It was just a small detail that your mind chose to so carefully ignore for the sake of your sanity. And that you shouldn't freak out about it, since in theory you've done this before. Still, here you are.

Hazel gets impossibly closer, bringing the hand running down your arm gently to rest on your cheek and you melt in the roughness of her touch, feeling the cold on your warm skin. Your breath hitches as Hazel looks deeply at you, searching for something that she seems to find when you close your eyes in anticipation.

It's all a matter of seconds, but time seems to freeze in the most cliché way when Hazel's lips meet yours for the first time. Her mouth feels warm and soft, a few strands of hair falling through her forehead tickle your face and you can't believe this is real. You swear your heart could explode at any moment with how fast it's beating and it would be totally worth dying for the way you feel right now.

And then when you sigh, about to put a hand on her waist to deepen the kiss, the moment is over and Hazel is pulling away with a little smirk to the driver's side.

You hear Isabel clapping her hands provocatively in the background, but you're too mortified to react in any way other than shakily getting into the car.

What are you doing with your life?

You’re pulled out of your reverie when Hazel stops at a red light, having been silent for most of the short drive, head leaning against the window.

“I’m sorry,” she clears her throat hastily and you look up in confusion, “I— I should’ve asked before kissing you like that. We haven’t talked about this yet, if it was okay or not and I keep doing things without telling you about it. I’m scared I might have crossed the line now ‘cause you still haven’t said a word about it.”

Hazel thinks you’re mad at her. That calm, intense demeanor she seemed to have assumed for a moment is nowhere to be found and you notice the way her hands nervously grip the steering wheel, doing everything she can to keep from looking at you directly. Hazel thinks you’re mad at her, when in fact it couldn’t be more opposed to it.

It’s just that you can’t stop thinking about the kiss. The feeling of her lips lingers on yours like a ghostly touch as the scene replays in your mind over and over.

And you’re bubbling inside. It’s a new thing you never seriously believed you’d share with her one day. In your most vulnerable moments, you knew your fantasies about kissing Hazel were nothing more than that. The real thing, however, was different than what you imagined. All-consuming, completely addictive, and it left you shocked, disturbed.

Because you wanted more.

How could you experience having all of this only for reality to knock on your door and you realize it wouldn’t be for as long as you wanted? You wondered how it would end after this.

You were fucked.

“No! I'm not mad at you!” You exclaim, trying not to turn into a mess, “You didn't cross any line. It's just that, uhm…” your body seems to heat up from your face to your chest in embarrassment. How do you tell someone you just had your first kiss when it all happened like it was nothing? “It was sudden and I… well— I've never kissed anyone before that.”

You said the wrong thing.

“What?”

“Haze.”

Hazel seems to freeze for a moment, eyes wild and nostrils flaring, the exact expression of someone who is about to freak out. Her face turns evidently red.

“What?”

You rush to stop the spiral she's in: “Haze, it's okay. It's no big deal, seriously.”

“I— I stole your first kiss?” She's completely panicked now, “Oh my god, Y/N, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

You don’t know how to tell her that apologies only make you feel bad, that you wish it wasn’t a regret for her, because after all it wasn’t one for you.

“Sweetheart, please,” you try again, instinctively placing your hand on her arm, “It’s alright. It was good, I can’t think of anyone else who would have treated me so gently like that. And you didn’t know, okay? It wasn’t on purpose.”

Hazel gulps, clearly drowned in guilt, her gaze dropping to where your hand is touching her and back to your face, suddenly shy. You pull away as if you’ve been burned, but neither of you can say anything because what feels like the longest red light in history finally turns green and a car behind you honks and swears loudly.

She clears her throat, turning back to driving:

“I still should have asked anyway.”

You snort: “If you had asked me, I still would have said yes.”

“Oh, okay.”

As if you couldn’t make things any more weirder. Great.

Hazel looks flustered and desperate to break out of the tension that’s settled over the car:

“But,” she mumbles in a perplexed tone, “What about that time you and Sylvie got locked in the pantry on Stella’s birthday? I thought…”

Maybe at this point you should just jump out of this moving car and buy a shovel, since you’re so spectacularly good at digging your own grave.

“We promised to never talk about that again.”

“Right.”

You both only speak again once you’re back in your room and you end up snapping with Hazel when all she does is sit on the bed with her eyes stuck on the floor, a whirlwind of thoughts so obvious in her head that you can almost hear them. You end up stuttering something like ‘you said you’d come over so we could talk and now you’re going to spend the whole time in silence?’

Hazel still looks very uneasy, as if she expects you to change your mind and yell at her at any minute, but she relaxes a little when she notices you letting her guide the conversation at her own pace.

You decide to formulate a simple story just in case your friends decide they want details and ask about it. Yes, you’ve just gotten together a couple days ago; Yes, you’ve liked each other for a long time and were just too much of a coward to admit it; No, you haven’t been on your first official date (yet). Basic and realistic, nothing that would raise suspicions or that you could end up messing, because if there was one thing you knew for certain in all this time knowing each other, it was that Hazel was terrible at sustaining acts for long.

Hazel also makes a point of asking you thousands of times what was okay or not in terms of PDA, checking you for any sign of discomfort that might be being omitted – you said that everything was fine, as long as she asked you or gave some sign first, which she swore she would do.

It's only when Hazel is gathering her things to leave that you ask perhaps the most important question about everything, watching her put the bag on her shoulder and push the hair out of her eyes. She looks beautiful.

"How long do you think this will last, Haze?"

She hums, a little uncertain and suddenly thoughtful: "Until it works out, I guess? I think we'll just have to make sure that it happens fast," she licks her lips, "I... I'll make it up to you for this, okay? For all of this.”

You mumble an agreement, staring at her as she says goodbye and walks away.

You feel too anxious to sleep, your heart pounding against your throat irritably as you roll restlessly over the blankets once more. You come across your desk, where the aquarium with your goldfish swims in circles. Poor thing, you should give it a bigger house, maybe with a den to hide in, just like you want to do now.

You can't stop reliving the moments of the day, every second spent with Hazel comes right back to you. Hands holding, gentle acts, soft gazes, the kiss. The goddamn kiss.

You ponder for a long moment if it would be worth it to enjoy what would come next if PJ actually made a move and you had your fake breakup – which would probably hurt like a real one – so that Hazel would be free to move on. Would you be happy for her? You weren't sure.

You weren't sure of much, but just thinking about them being together in the hallways, acting and touching like you just did a few hours ago for the rest of the year until graduation makes you sick. Would you still be as close as you are now? It might be a little awkward being friends with your ex, especially if her current partner kind of hates you already.

Sighing, you reach for your phone on your desk, scrolling through it to find a spam of texts in your group chat with your friends. You snort, of course they wouldn't stay quiet after the parking lot scene, as if they would miss out on gossip like that.

10 unread messages

annie (with an I)

[guys I've heard the gays gave a show in the exit today]

britt-britt

[they did but y/n wont answer any of my texts and its been hoursss

omg do you think they died on the way back??]

annie (with an I)

[what??? no. definitely not]

slaylvie

[oh maybe she's just too busy with her NEW GIRLFRIEND

stealing the girl all to ysf that was such a queen move fr]

isabeautiful

[she's probably just ignoring us britt it's not like she can't read or smth]

britt-britt

[u sure?

oh ur probably right

wait can u read y/n or are you like that one lady from glee]

Y/N silenced the group.

slaylvie

[now that's just fckng rude.]

You definitely won't reply to anything after this long and chaotic day, especially not about the subject you want to get off your mind, instead, you huff and open the private chat with Isabel after seeing the proud text she sent earlier.

[you've planned all of this since the beginning, didn't you?]

She replies in the next second:

[you only realized it now?]

Hazel keeps her promise of what she said about making it up to you and the next few weeks are uneventful. It’s almost natural how your routine adapts quickly to the new things.

Holding hands in the hallways, sticky notes with sweet words stuck on your locker, good morning and good night texts, arms around each other when you sit down at lunch or at the club, kisses – even though they don’t happen as often as you would like – Isabel even manages to convince you to go on a double date soon and even though Hazel makes a point of touching you or talking loudly about your plans whenever PJ’s around, she doesn’t whine about it to you anymore, which strangely feels like a victory.

A very short-lived victory, since you end up with a chapped lip because of it.

You honestly hadn’t seen it coming. It was just another afternoon of club practice, your meetings had been cut short for a while – the school had to punish you somehow after Huntington – and you’d finally gotten back into the swing of things with the fighting and the exercises and no one had gotten hurt besides a few bruises on their wrists.

Until PJ declared that she would be your partner.

You’d noticed how she’d been acting lately, responding to everyone in her typical passive-aggressive way and glaring at you with a sour expression whenever Hazel was around and finding excuses to touch her whenever possible, a result of all your displays of affection and the gossiping your friends were sure to do when you weren’t hearing.

You thought Hazel would be pleased with this since it was a sign that the plan was working, but she seemed oddly uncomfortable, bringing up the subject less and less. In fact, you’re pretty sure there was once or twice when she simply took your hand and led you somewhere else.

Maybe that gave your stupid heart the false hope you tried so hard not to cling to and made you sigh even more lovingly when you laid eyes on her and it's likely that you weren't the only one who noticed it.

That could explain PJ's loud steps approaching with her fists clenched at her sides as you, Isabel and Hazel tried to reach a consensus on which ice cream shop to go to next weekend, waiting for Josie to finish her round from where she was furthest away to vote too, and it explains her insistence even after you lied and said you had already agreed to go against Annie later – which was also a bad idea, that girl knows how to do more than just throw a few punches.

She didn't take no for an answer and even Hazel seemed hesitant to let you go, pulling you close and trying to convince PJ that maybe it would be better if she went to help some new members with their moves. It didn't work, of course, but the concern in her voice melted your heart a little.

So you've ended up in a circle with your teammates cheering loudly and the first punch that hits you makes your head snap to side with a loud crack, your gaze falling on Mr. G, engrossed in his phone at the back of the court.

Well, you think, at least your funeral won't happen without the supervision of a – partially – responsible adult.

You hit back just as hard as she did, but you end up lying on your back on the mat in pain anyway, listening to your teammates, oblivious to the tension, congratulate PJ on her easy win. Damn, she really took all her amassed anger out on you.

“Are you okay?” Hazel’s worried face fills your vision and you groan as she gently pulls you to sit up, cupping your face gently, “You’re bleeding.”

“I’ll live,” you joke, but she doesn’t seem to find it funny, tilting your chin up to inspect it better, lips pressed into a thin line.

Suddenly, you saw PJ approaching with an expression that failed to not look proudly – if the little smirk on the corner of her mouth said anything – even with the bruises forming that you left on her, she leaned over and patted Hazel on the shoulder, making a provocative comment that you didn't bother to pay attention to, as if she expected Hazel to congratulate her too and that was enough for her expression to change completely. Her forehead furrowed, her nose twitched in disbelief and you could feel the way her hands shook a little with pent-up anger where they descended to your shoulders.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Both you and PJ widened eyes, not expecting the explicit bite in her voice. It was unbelievable that Hazel would be rude to anyone, much less to the shocked girl in front of her.

PJ didn’t seem to really understand why there would be anything wrong with what she just did and that almost made you feel bad for her, but anyone should know better than to tease a stressed-out Hazel.

She coughs, clearly embarrassed:

“Jeez! You never know how to take a joke,” she holds up her hands in placation, looking indignant, before fixing her eyes on you, “We were just playing, it was fun, right?”

If you were less petty, maybe you would have nodded and moved on for the sake of your crush’s potential dream relationship but honestly? It’s hard to give a fuck about any of those things when you think about how swollen and bruised your face will be on the day you’re supposed to have the closest thing to a cliché, cute date before graduation.

“For you, maybe.”

She rolls her eyes and looks like she wants to say something else, but Josie comes over and quickly wraps an arm around her shoulders, apologizing and dragging her away to avoid any further discussion with a grimace on her face. It’s only then that you notice the curious looks of your friends at the scene.

Hazel takes a deep breath, biting her lip nervously and looking suddenly embarrassed, before moving to help you up.

“C’mon,” she clears her throat, “Let’s take care of you.”

Hazel is upset.

She hadn’t been quiet for a single second the entire time you’d arrived at the infirmary, having spent the entire journey there mumbling incoherently. Now she had one hand firmly resting on your knee on the stretcher she’d insisted you take, while the tired-looking nurse tried to explain that none of your injuries were serious enough for anything more than bandages and an ice pack – which you’d already tried to tell Hazel, but to no avail.

“Are you sure she’s okay?” she asked for the millionth time, and you could practically feel the effort the nurse was making not to sigh.

“Yes.” She replied, pulling a box of kids' band-aids from her uniform pocket to give it to you, “She didn’t hit her head when she fell, did she? So all you have to do is clean up the blood and wait for the cuts to heal.”

“Okay, hm-hm,” Hazel nods quickly, effectively dismissing the nurse, “I can do that.”

This time the nurse does sigh and give up, mumbling about not getting paid enough before leaving the room �� definitely to get a moment away from the annoying teenagers she's seeing all day – and then you’re alone.

Hazel finally goes quiet and her face scrunches up in concentration as she grabs a damp cloth so she can wipe away the red staining of your face and something twists in your stomach.

She hasn’t spoken directly to you since you left and something twists in your stomach at that.

She’s mad at me, you think.

It was obvious that you couldn’t control yourself, painfully obvious that something was going to happen and that you were going to ruin everything because of your temper and your inability to keep your mouth shut. You made this bed, now it’s time to accept the fact that, first, you suck at making beds, and, second, you have to lie in it. Both figuratively and literally. Well, it's a stretcher, but still.

“I'm sorry, Haze,” you say regretfully, holding her hands working on your face in place so she stops and turns her attention back to you.

“Hm?” She lifts her head looking surprised, as if only then remembering you were there too, “For what?”

You look away embarrassed, biting the inside of your cheek: “I didn't mean to ruin things with PJ back there, I know that she was finally doing something and…”

“Wait,” her eyes widened, “Wait, wait, wait, you think I'm mad at you?”

You blink, hesitant: “You're not?”

“No, of course not!” Hazel grabs your shoulders frantically, “You just got beat up, why would I be mad at you?”

You shrug wordlessly, feeling a weird sensation of a deja-vú and Hazel releases you to rest her hands on the stretcher in exasperation.

“Oh, man,” she sighs. “I'm angry with PJ for what she did and I'm angry at myself for letting it happen.”

“But… I thought you'd like that she got jealous,” you fidget, confused, “She finally made a move, right?”

“Not like that! How would I be happy with her getting so possessive that she decided to take it as an excuse to hit you?” Hazel asks incredulously, looking at you like she's tired of even thinking about it, “That was completely out of line, this is not a PG13 gay version of After.”

You freeze for a second before bursting into laughter, ignoring the burning sensation on your lip that the action causes, and Hazel sits down next to you, seemingly satisfied that she’s wiped the worry from your face.

“Ugh, I don’t know,” she groans, running a hand through her hair looking lost.

“Don’t know what, sweetheart?” you turn to her, shoulders touching.

Hazel shakes her head as if trying to push away the thoughts that are bothering her, busying herself by opening one of the bandages for you:

“If I still want this,” she starts hesitantly, “I thought I wouldn’t mind if she kept being mean to me every now and then as long as she showed me that she liked me more, but I— I don’t want that to happen if it’s hurting you. I don’t want to be with someone who would hurt you.”

Your throat is dry. Hazel looks up to catch your eye and places the bandage on a cut on your chin, her hand stays there and you can hear your heart pounding against your ears.

Does she mean…? You're breathing fast, her face is so close to yours that you can feel the heat radiating from her skin. This has to be a dream or some kind of bad joke, maybe you did hit your head and are in a coma right now. You swear everything is in slow motion and there's a cheesy song playing deep inside of your mind. God, if only you hadn't fallen so hard.

You think back to all the moments you've shared so far, years and years of touching and spending time together, learning details about each other and trying to think of the part you missed when Hazel started looking at you like that, does she even know she's doing it? You think, searching deep in your memories, how could you miss that?

Maybe it was earlier this week, when she came up to you happily skipping and handed you a paper flower with the utmost pride she could muster that she had made it herself, because 'You said you always wanted to receive flowers, but you didn't say what kind, so I made you a special one.’

Or days ago, when she started leaving silly little notes stuck to your stuff, even though you saw her all the time; ‘see u later!’ in messy handwriting, ‘have a good day’ scrawled with a cartoon taped to the cover of your math notebook, ‘i'll be thinking of u’ on the locker door she just left you in, a stupid pun written in neon marker just because.

Was it before that? When she kissed you then? Before? Long before?

“Haze,” you call.

When did the possibility of her loving you become real?

“I thought I wanted it,” Hazel murmurs, “But I'm not sure anymore.”

She's going to kiss you. There's no one around now and she's going to kiss you because she wants it, not to show off. And you want it too, more than anything.

You move your hand to find purchase on her chest, grabbing a fistful of the shirt she's wearing. Your noses are brushing now, Hazel’s eyes narrow and you can almost taste her.

Then the nurse walks into the room, dropping the papers she was carrying when she sees the scene and the moment is completely lost.

She shoos you both out of the room, no matter how many stammered excuses you try to give her and you and Hazel trade shocked looks alone in the hallway before laughing as hard as you never did. The sound fills your ears, it’s completely divine. You laugh and laugh and laugh and you’ve never felt so happy, feeling your stomach flutter with butterflies when you feel her hand brush against yours, that she’s still here.

The laughter stops as it steals your breath – it wasn’t the only thing that stole it – and you feel cold where your skin was warm just a second ago, turning your head to find her a few feet away from you.

“Are you alright?” You ask, smiling, feeling light, as if you weighed the same as the paper flower stored in your bag.

She stares at you, hair messy, face red, clothes wrinkled and eyes full of emotion that you can't distinguish with how quickly they pass. You wonder what she's gonna do, if she's going to press you against the wall and kiss you here in this hallway like she wanted before, if she's going to take your hands and tell you that she wasn't sure about things, but wanted to find out with you. Another emotion flashes in her eyes as she takes another step back, the only one you can recognize: regret.

Hazel turns and runs away from there. She leaves.

Luck has been on your side for a long time during all of this, so of course at some point everything would end up going wrong. And you, of course, would end up in the crossfire.

[piperlivingdeliberately]

Blushing, Crushing, and Totally F*cked! Part II

This is the second part to my first fic! Here's the link to that: :)

Summary: Hazel and the reader grow much closer as friends through the club, and after the emotional bonding meeting, they think they might be ready to grow closer in other ways.

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: fem reader (she/her pronouns used), swearing, sexual content (no explicit smut), making out, discussions of divorce, mental health, emotional topics, a bit of hurt/comfort, angsty because I got carried away, etc. Hazel is much less of a loser in this one, but she's just as cute. 18+

Your younger popular self never would have imagined that you would be sitting in a circle with a bunch of losers who you punched in the face every day. Yet here you were, surrounded by violent losers, your favorite loser with a goofy smile on her face sitting to your left. Hazel looked over at you, making you remember how much you never would have expected that smile to make you so weak in the knees.

You still got butterflies thinking about the first time Hazel talked to you; a simple two-word compliment after your first spar made your heart flutter with giddy nerves. The interaction spurred you on enough to allow you to feel comfortable giving her friendly smiles. These quick greetings turned to light touches, then to bolder flirtatious statements, and eventually deep conversations that were cut off by school bells. You wondered when you'd finally gather the courage to discuss what you really wanted to tell her: you had been crushing on Hazel since the first day of eleventh grade. If only your classes were longer than 15 minutes.

"So, we know that the club has been a good way for us to feel empowered physically, but we also thought it could be a way for us to feel empowered emotionally," Josie kicked off the meeting on yet another unexpected note. You were grateful for the interruption in your spiraling thoughts.

The trauma-dumping session began, everyone adding their own little secrets and worries. You felt comforted by the supportive listening ears and voices around you. You had grown so close to these girls, so close that you ached hearing the tales of their pain. You felt your heart clench even more when Hazel timidly spoke up about her tense relationship with her mother.

"It's just been really good for me to get to know people who actually want to know me," she finished, eyes locking with yours before quickly fixing on her shoes.

"I just want to go back to Brittany for a second--" PJ began, but you didn't listen. You rested your hand on Hazel's knee, an offering of support, of friendship, or maybe something else. You completely tuned out the rest of the meeting when her own hand rested on yours. Her thumb stroked your wrist. Your whole body went stiff, but your hand felt like rippling water being held in hers.

"I think that's a good place to wrap up," PJ closed out the meeting, thanking everyone for their attendance as the rest of your friends filed out. You and Hazel didn't move, though. Your hand stayed on her knee, her thumb stayed gently gliding against the back of yours. Her sharp inhale was the only thing that got you to look up from the spot where you touched.

"Thank you," was all she said. You didn't have to ask why she was thankful, and she knew she didn't have to tell you. Something unspoken was always settled between your eyes as you stared.

"You're welcome." You removed your hand, not knowing if it had been there for too long or not long enough. "If you... If you ever want to keep talking about your mom or anything else that bothers you, I'm always here to listen." Hazel's gaze softened even more, which you didn't think was possible.

"Do you want to come over and talk more?" She said it so fast that even she seemed surprised by the question. "I mean-- only if you want to. We could watch a movie or I don't know. If it's stupid, I'm--"

"Yes," you assured her. "Let's go."

Her eyes widened like a cartoon character, so you began rising off of the gym floor to urge her on. "Oh-- okay. Great. Let's go."

...

The ride to Hazel's house was realistically no longer than 15 minutes. It felt like hours, though, with you using all of your energy to avoid staring at her ringed hands on the steering wheel. Your cheeks grew hot at the thought of what they would feel like on your bare skin. Your cheeks grew even hotter when you finally realized that Hazel had already parked the car and was watching you ogle her fingers.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked innocently.

"Nothing, sorry." You pushed the door open, waiting for her to lead you into her house.

One step in, you stifled a gasp. Hazel's home was almost as bright and beautiful as she was.

"Do you want to go up to my room? I can grab some snacks," she offered.

"Sure, sure." You followed her like a puppy as she led you through the breathtaking halls of her house. She gathered various food and DVDs before finally plopping down on her bed when you reached her room. You hovered in the doorway for a moment, unsure of where you were allowed to sit.

"Come here, you freak," she joked, patting the sheets next to her. You laughed as you tentatively sat at the edge of her bed. "I've had enough trauma-dumping for the day, so I'm thinking we should watch some Disney for a palette cleanser." You grinned like a little kid at the assortment of movies she had laid out before you. "Well?" she asked.

"Well, what?" you replied.

"Pick one." She looked up at you through her dark lashes. "The princess gets to pick the princess movie."

"Fuck off," you scoffed, shoving her playfully to prevent her from seeing how red your cheeks had gotten at the nickname. She simply raised her eyebrows, still waiting for your choice. "Fine." You pointed at the purple and yellow Tangled DVD case.

"Classic." She hopped off the bed and inserted the disc. When she rejoined you, you could have sworn she sat closer than she had originally. Don't think about it, you told yourself. You were just two friends who shared lingering glances and hand touches watching the most romantic princess movie known to man. That's all it was.

The movie was as wonderful as ever, if not more wonderful what with Hazel's poor renditions of all of the songs to entertain you. For the most part, you were able to sit comfortably beside each other. You were completely content to watch the screen, that is when you were able to ignore that you could feel her looking at you instead of the TV at times. It became impossible to ignore when the credits began rolling and you had no choice but to meet her eyes.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" you asked quietly.

She hesitated. "I didn't expect you to be so..."

"...not bitchy?" you finished her sentence.

She laughed, "Well, not exactly. I guess I just never would have guessed that you were so kind and supportive."

"Yeah, most people don't expect the popular cheerleader to be anything but a ditsy fucktoy for football players, I guess." You had meant it as a joke, but Hazel shot up in defense.

"That's not what I meant." She shook her head. "I think what I'm trying to say is that I never would have guessed that someone as cool and-- and beautiful as you would hang out with any one of us in the club."

"Honestly," you sighed. "I never would have guessed it either." You shared a laugh with Hazel, marveling at how sweet she sounded when she was happy.

"I'm really glad you joined the club," Hazel told you, suddenly seeming more shy. Her soft gaze melted your heart, yet somehow made you feel braver than ever before.

"You're the reason I love the club so much." You almost whispered it, so afraid of the reaction it would elicit. Hazel continued to look at you for so long that you considered changing the subject as a diversion from your confession. You were unable to speak, though, because Hazel quickly pressed her lips to yours.

The speed of the kiss shocked you at first, Hazel moving quickly as if she were afraid that you would run away. Your hands found her hair and she instantly relaxed, your lips melting together.

You didn't know that kissing could feel this good, this easy, this right. Despite never wanting to stop, you tugged on Hazel's hair to look at her gasping face.

"Are you okay?" she asked you, hands framing your face in concern.

"God, yes," you laughed. "I'm so good."

Your giggles were once again cut off by her lips. They chased yours with more urgency, so you slipped your tongue against hers. She moaned softly against your teeth, spurring on your ministrations until she detached herself from your mouth.

You almost protested at the lack of contact until you felt her wet lips trailing down your jaw and neck. You whined as she sucked and softly bit a sweet spot, reveling in the sound of her moaning at your own noises. Her hands snaked around your waist, slowly climbing up toward your breasts.

"Is this okay?" she breathed against your collarbone.

"Fuck, please." She let out a low chuckle at your begging, her laughter soon muffled against your skin as she slipped her head under your oversized shirt. You felt her breath dance across your tits, aching for her already. After one delicate kiss to your left nipple, moans filled your ears. Hazel emerged from beneath your clothes when you both realized that the sounds were coming from neither of you.

"Shit!" Hazel exclaimed. "I hate it when she does this." She collapsed onto the bed, breathless.

"Is... Is that your mom?"

"Yes," Hazel groaned from behind her hands. "She's very vocal."

"God, I'm sorry you have to hear that." The pair of you couldn't help but laugh at the obscene sounds from down the hall, clutching each other's arms in disbelief as they grew louder.

"I'm just sorry that we were interrupted," Hazel whispered against your hand before kissing your palm.

"I am, too," you agreed. "It's getting late, though. I should go." You nearly got teary-eyed when you saw the sadness on Hazel's face.

"Right," she said. "Let me take you home."

You found yourself wishing that you lived farther from Hazel when she pulled into your driveway after just a few minutes. You planted a quick kiss on her forehead before thanking her and walking to your front door.

"Wait!" you heard Hazel call your name through the rolled-down window. You bounced back over to her. "My mom's not going to be home this weekend. So, if you wanted to come over again, we could... you know..."

"...watch The Princess and the Frog next?" you joked.

Her infectious giggle sounded like Heaven. "You got it, princess." With one more soft kiss, she pulled away from your house.

The weekend couldn't come any sooner.

...

AHHHHH sorry I got so carried away with this but there will DEFINITELY be a smutty part three for all of you sluts. Let me know if you liked this one!

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

if you ever did an in-depth post about ‘you need to calm down’ i would love to see it because that is my most-hated taylor swift song. like why are you comparing your beef with katy perry to homophobia 😭😭😭

As a lesbian- I have a lot of feelings pent up about "You Need to Calm Down" and all of them are negative.

At the songs core- Swift is showing herself to be horribly ignorant. Are we really all going to accept her propping up the idea that homophobia is the same as having a public disagreement with another celebrity? Not only is she negating the power dynamics that often exist within the propagation of homophobia, by insinuating that homophobia is the same as a disagreement between equals in society, but she is also trivializing it down to a simple disagreement over career related bullshit.

Not to mention that she is NOT an ally- I cannot stand the people who think she is a left-leaning, feminist, LGBT advocate. It's like they have created a fanfiction concept of Taylor Swift in their heads.

She profits off the LGBT community when it is most beneficial- but when legitimate rights are being stripped away, she is silent.

Taylor Swift is really good at commodifying social trends without actually risking anything. She waits until it is safe- then pretends to speak up for people's rights, when, in reality, she is just finally able to turn the social trend into part of her brand. Therefore, she gave a stupid line in the song "Welcome to New York" (2014) about how New York City is somehow a utopia of gay freedom (not true but whatever), and then in "You Need to Calm Down" she was profiting off the excess of emotion and democratic enterprising seeping off the US Election cycle.

Her first use of this profit-first tacit happened in 2014- what happened in 2015? The US supreme court legalized same-sex marriage. Swift simply saw the social trend- and captialized off a topic about which the youth were passionate.

The second time, in "You Need to Calm Down" she published this song in 2019- firmly within her faux activist era, and well-aware that the youth were interested in politics. This was right before the 2020 US election- she once again saw the increase of young people paying attention to the ideological split within the country- bearing in mind her target audience skews young, progressive, and American, she pounced on the opportunity to capitalize off their impulse towards supporting ideological-progressive media. As we all geared up to vote down the conservative-leaning Donald Trump, who aligned himself with right-wing religious ideologies standing to threaten the previous supreme court decision on Same-Sex rights, Swift swoops in with a silly pop-beat and a fake country accent to pretend she is the savior of the young and gay.

If it wasn't so shady- it would be a brillant use of rhetorical analysis to sell product. Capitalism has made a cynic of me- I fear.

Swift saw the fear of young LGBT people- during an election cycle-and decided to profit off that fear not through distancing herself from them, but by pretending to care. Notice, again, how she only mentioned gay rights during these very specific cultural conditions which allow her to somehow make a profit off ideologically aligning herself with one side of an issue or another.

Personally, I find fake care even more heinous than outright hatred.

Once again- in this current year she is using the endorsement of a US presidential candidate to further her own brand and try to re-affirm her place within the general rhetorical circles of "progressive and therefore morally upstanding individual" to the youth.

It's all a calculated move to shake-off whatever negative press she got through her associations with right-wing Footballers and keep her prime audience of young Americans.

I have much more to say on this topic- but for now, this is where I leave you. I have to go eat lunch.

[love-toxin]

DO U HAVE SUNDAY THOUGHTS…

/WHIPS MY HEAD AROUND EXORCIST-STYLE

(cws: toxic relationship, gaslighting, manipulation, yandere goodness)

It has to be said: big male manipulator daddy energy. If he wants you, he will ruin everything you love. He's smothering with endearment when you act according to his desires, and viciously brutal in his discipline when you go against his virtues. If you want out of his reach you'll just have to kill him because he's not interested in letting his pet personal attachment go.

Not that he isn't gentle at times, even sweet. He can be gentle and is actually very good at being so. He does truly love to see you smile and to feel your happiness flooding out of you; he loves the excitement in your eager gait when he shows you the Golden Hour for the first time, and all those colours and wondrous sights you've never seen before come to life in the dream. The reflection of all those brilliant, glimmering lights in your eyes is a sight he'll never forget.

But you are not his equal, for the simple reason that you require more guidance to be on your own. Sunday is convinced that you're a little lost lamb, delicate and unworldly, and that you need a proper mentor before you can even think of making your own decisions in life. Little do you know that he has no intention of ever seeing you in that light of equality, but to be fair, neither does he. He's just certain that you're a passion project requiring his help, and that is something he is all too happy to lend despite his many other duties to the Family.

That means, however, that you're essentially stuck with him. With Robin's death so fresh in his mind, he can't let something he loves out of his sight ever again. You must stay with him and be by his side every second of the day--aren't you flattered? He trusts you most implicitly, to the point that you've listened to all but only the most exclusive inner workings of the Family, which are the only times that Sunday will briefly excuse himself to have a meeting with his companions alone. Sometimes it ends with only himself coming back out, but if you haven't learned already you will learn to keep your lips sealed about those occurrences. "It's nothing for you to worry about." Sunday's famous words ring in your head, usually followed by a welcome distraction of tea or a walk or even some ice cream. Anything for his little darling.

Part of what makes Sunday so enticing--and in fact is probably a large part of why you'd get sucked into his facade--is that he offers you something you likely don't have; a family. And not just that, but unconditional love, support, wealth, affection, comfort, anything and everything you could ever want, even if it's not directly from Sunday himself. Although you're by his side nearly every moment of the day and he's all too eager to offer you attention whenever possible, being part of the Family and part of Sunday's inner circle means that you're part of something much bigger than yourself. The Family members treat you with dignity. The Hounds protect you. The people of Penacony adore you. And no matter where you are, no matter what you do, Sunday will never give up on his unending affection for you. It doesn't matter what it is. It doesn't matter what crimes you've committed or what guilt you feel for your past, whether you're a happy person or you're miserable, whether you can't hold up your relationships or you're an egregious people-pleaser; Sunday will never, ever give up on you, and that's rare to find in anyone, much less someone of his status and one with so much romantic affection for you. He'll tell you himself that he physically cannot abandon you, it's just...not within him to even think of it. You're meant to be together. That's the way it should be, forever and always.

[saintmagx]

Chamber of Horrors 😈

Grayson Waller x reader

an: just came across Grayson Waller on Chamber of Horrors with Scarlett and Shotzi and it gave me some inspo 👻 IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED IT, YOU SHOULD! He is literally polite, respectful, funny and hella scared. This story doesn’t follow the video exactly because my memory is bad and I started writing this so long ago I forgot so much stuff, plus trying to rewrite a video is kinda hard 🫣

‼️ Warning: swearing, bad story telling, cringe writing, not proof read, just rambles no actual good storyline‼️

“Our final guest of the night is the current WWE Woman’s Champion y/n!” Kayla says excitedly.

Walking out into the cozy studio my nerves settle slightly, I’ve never been on the bump before, nor had any kind of chat show interview before, so I’m a little overwhelmed. I make my way over to the other guests Scarlett and Shotzi and sit down next to them.

“So welcome to your first ever bump appearance, how has it taken us this long to get you here?” Kayla asks.

“Honestl-”

Cut off before I could even answer, a strong accent fills the studio, Grayson who was also a guest - who was joining us via video chat - had to pipe up - it’s what he does best.

“Let me answer that.”

“You see, yn wouldn’t come on the show unless yours truly was also a guest. I mean can you blame her, who wouldn’t want to be on the same show as the Aussie icon.”

“Ah yes Grayson of course, every time they asked me to come on the show I would say unless you have thee Grayson Waller on your show, I ain’t interested.”

He smiles and slightly chuckles, unable to retaliate.

We continue to hype up the next PLE. Shotzi and Scarlett then go onto speak about the release of more episodes of Chamber of Horrors.

“Yn we would love to have you as a guest on the next season! It would be so fun.” Scarlett suggests.

“Absolutely not.” I say - little too quickly.

“I might come across as someone who is tough but deep down I’m scared of most things. And being in an area that is high on the paranormal activity is a definite no for me.”

“We would be there, nothing would happen to you. It’s completely safe.” Shotzi tries her best to convince me to appear in the show, but her words fill me with little confidence.

“I’ll go on if you do yn.” Grayson declares.

“What?”

“If you do the show, I’ll do it with you. Moral support and all that. Plus if you get too scared you can always hold my hand.” His signature smirk creeping onto his face.

Feeling like my back was against the wall I agree to appear and anyway they might not ask me to be on it for a long time and we might not even go to somewhere that is extremely haunted. I was unfortunately wrong on both fronts.

The call to appear on an episode of Chamber of Horrors came all too quickly. It was decided that we would go and see Bloody Mary in New Orleans, which involved a seance and an independent ghost hunt around the haunted house.

Sitting around the table in a circle, Bloody Mary describes how the evening will go and says a few incantations to start of the seance.

“First we will go around the table and introduce ourselves to the spirits. Squeezing from left to right on our hands.” She tells the table.

She introduces herself then squeezes my left hand. My turn I guess

“My name is yn.” I then squeeze Grayson hand for him to start

“My name is Grayson Waller, Maddison square garden main eventer.”

“I’m Shotzi”

“I’m Scarlett”

We continue to hold hands until Bloody Mary continues. She introduces us to a doll named Henry. Scarlett picks him up and places him onto a clearly uncomfortable Graysons lap.

“He likes the ladies, he’s a bit of a flirt.” Bloody Mary explains to us.

“Aw yes lad! We could be brothers.” Grayson says, “however I have to move you closer to Shotzi and Scarlett, can’t have you making moves on people you shouldn’t be.”

I look at Grayson confused, why would he say that?

“So is it true someone at this table hasn’t seen a horror film.” Bloody Mary questions. Looking around the table I find it hard to believe. Shotzi and Scarlett are literally horror queens and I’ve dabbled in horror movies myself, like who hasn’t. That only leaves Grayson…

“You haven’t seen a single horror movie? Like ever?” I quiz Grayson.

“Nope, I just like laughing. Why would I watch something that would make me scared?”

Stunned.

“The fact you haven’t seen the all time classics, I’m shocked. We have to change that.”

With a playful glint in his eyes he reply’s “are you asking me on a date? I mean I suppose if you were there to hold my hand I wouldn’t mind watching a scary film.”

And that right there is the famous Grayson Waller charm. I roll my eyes and laugh off his flirtation.

“I’ll ask theory to show you some of the classics. It’s gonna change your life.”

“I’d rather you show me them. I think I’d appreciate them more with you.”

He smiles slightly and shifts his attention back to Bloody Mary. Not noticing how his response had affected me.

The part I had been least looking forward to, the ghost hunt. We had been given free rein around the house to look and interact with any spirits we may encounter.

There had been a few words here and there but nothing that was concrete evidence that the spirts were among us. It could all be explained or passed off as a coincidence until I heard Scarlett and Grayson in the bathroom.

“Shotzi, yn come here quick.”

We entered the bathroom and were met with both Scarlett and Graysom standing in the bathtub. We join them without question and wait.

“Can you tell us your name” Scarlett asks the spirits

“Zach”

“Zach is there anyone else here with you?” She continues

“No”

“Killed her.”

“Sorry”

Scared, I find myself gravitating towards Grayson who instinctively grabs my hand. I’m not sure if he sensed my fear or if he too was scared however in that moment we were a comfort for each other.

“Killed who?” Shotzi asks this time. However there is no reply.

“Hey Zach can you say hello to Grayson?” She continues

In a mimicking tone

“Hi Grayson”

The mood is slightly lifted and I can’t help but chuckle this spirit has went from confessing to horrific crimes to making fun of Grayson and I’m here for it.

Unamused Grayson replies “oh, you think you’re funny do you?” The spirit did indeed think it was funny.

We move to a different room due to the activity in the bathroom dying down. The room we enter is a playroom, legend says that the small cupboard is where a small child still plays. We decide to have a game of rock paper scissors to see who will go in the cupboard. Shotzi is our first, then Scarlett.

“Can’t you just go in the cupboard? I think I would die of fear if I had to go in.” I say pleading with Grayson.

“Sorry love, fairs fair. Ready?” He replies.

Rock, paper, scissors shoot. I went with paper and Grayson well he went with rock. With a smug look I go stand next to Scarlett and Shotzi awaiting for Grayson to climb into the small cupboard.

“I’m literally in skinny jeans, I can’t do this.” He complains while backing into the small enclosed space. Not even a minute later he is screaming and scrambling to get out of the cupboard.

“Something touched me. Something touched my leg.”

“What?” We all ask.

“When I was in there I felt something grab and pull my leg.” He reiterates.

Finding his way next to me, he slides his hand into mine, again to find comfort. I squeeze his hand as a reassurance that everything was going to be okay. Looking down at me I can see the appreciation in his eyes.

Scarlett sits on the floor and asks the spirits some final questions - much to our dislike.

“Do you like Grayson?”

“No”

Grayson on hearing this throws a little tantrum

“I’m here, I’m trying to learn, I’m being respectful” before he can continue the spirt cuts him off

“Nerd”

The mood once again has been lifted at the expense of Grayson.

Shotzi continues to question the spirit.

“What about yn? Do you like her?”

“Yes”

“Pretty”

“You’re damn right she’s pretty. But ima have you ask you to back off mr ghost, she’s off limits.” Grayson replies

Shotzi and Scarlett share a knowing glance while i remain calm and composed- on the outside that is. On the inside im screaming.

That has got to be the most frightening experience of my life. The cameras have stopped rolling and we are standing in front of the Bloody Mary’s ready to part ways.

“Okay, I’ll admit it was kinda fun, however under no circumstances will I ever come back on your show.” I tell them.

They both laugh and tell me I’m a baby.

“I don’t know how I’m going to sleep tonight.”

Grayson jumps in “oh I don’t mind helping you out there. I can think of a few ways to help you sleep.”

Scarlett and Shotzi dismiss themselves sensing we need some time alone.

“What’s with the heavy flirting? You’ve been at it all night?” I question.

“Well what normally happens when a guy flirts with a girl?.”

“You’re not just any guy though, you’re Grayson Waller. Serial romancer.”

Slight offended he replies “I thought my actions would have been louder than my words? I like you yn, I like you a whole fucking lot. My mind, body and soul is captivated only by you.”

Silenced by his confession in struggle to think of the right words to say. I want to tell him I feel the same. I want to tell him how my every fibre and being yearns for him. Slowly I see the hope in his eyes fade as I’m taking too long to reply.

“Listen if you don’t feel the same way just say it I need to”

Before he could finish his sentence my lips meet his. He returns my kiss with a need and passion I’d only ever read in books. This is what he needed, this is what we both needed. Each other. Pulling away our foreheads rest on each other while catching our breath.

“How about a nightmare on elm street? A classic franchise to break that horror movie virginity of yours.”

He chuckles “as long as you’ll be there, I’ll watch anything.”

I honestly dunno what this turned into but here we are…….if you would like tagged in any of my stories let me know and I’ll add you to the list.

Tagged:

@jeysbae

@blueflowermentality

@co-sharkie

[ladyluscinia]

Literally though "Why would Izzy be so against Edward's embracing the crew in his grief if he wasn't a femme-gay-hating homophobe hmm???" Because they are boat based criminals, Margaret.

Because they scare people for a living. Because they are social outcasts making a system work for them that was never intended to. Because Izzy is a hardened, paranoid bastard who thinks being weak in front of people you cannot trust is how you get killed, and staying alive is more important to him than emotional fulfillment. Because he doesn't trust the Revenge to be a safe space.

There's a really-not-that-hard to spot story here about community and support and the importance of being yourself openly, but it's rooted in the community bit. In having a group of people who you trust and are comfortable with before you start feelings-circling your softest bits.

No fucking shit the antagonist whose defining experiences on the Revenge were mockery, disrespect, having his crewmate spread an embarrassing story to the enemy, more targeted mockery, being lied to, and then being banished does not view the Revenge as a safe space to be vulnerable. 🙄 Is he probably going to learn that being a dick to keep anyone from bonding with you is part of his problem and that physical safety isn't everything? Learn the value of community and letting go of defensive maladaptive behaviors that actively harm yourself and others? Seems likely.

But fucking hell it is not actually a sign of undeniable moral corruption to not instinctively trust strangers to welcome you into the fold and become your support system. Especially when they don't.

(Hell, our protagonist Stede doesn't open up even as he preaches the importance of opening up - because he too needs to learn about safe spaces and community support.)

[dokoni-mo]

Crave: Part Seven || William Afton x GN! Reader

summary: the honeymoon

mild NSFW

word count: 5177

warnings: age-gap relationship (reader is 20 william is pushing 40), allusions to mental illness, willy is obsessive, possessive too, and a little creepy, and a hypocrite, and narcissistic lol, and a little bit of a yandere, mentions of divorce, dysfunctional parent-child relationships, secret relationships, swearing, gaslighting, manipulation tactics, dom/sub undertones if you squint, willy is VERY egotistical, allusions to corruption kink, sir kink, smoking, sensual touching, dirty fantasies, praise, lying, erections, dirty fantasies, kissing, allusions to past unhealthy relationships

minors dni // please read warnings !!

part one // two // three // four // five // six

a/n: helloooo everyone!! welcome back!! thank you for all the support thus far, it really means a lot!! this chapter was originally going to have MULTIPLE parts, but that's gonna be saved for part 8!! just so i don't overload you guys :)) taglist is still open, enjoy!!

~~~

The car ride to the hotel was much quieter than William expected. But he found it hard to care.

It hadn't been quiet because it was awkward or boing, no. That wasn't it at all. It was only quiet because you really had ended up falling asleep during the ride. Despite professing earlier how good you were at staying up. For the brief bit of time you had stayed awake, you were actually a lot chattier than William anticipated. He hadn't even noticed you nodding off until he asked you something, but didn't get a response. He had glanced over to see if you were okay, and found you slumped against the window, pretty little eyes closed with pretty little parted lips.

It was adorable.

Though he did want to spend the few hour long car ride talking to you more, William could never be disappointed by watching you sleep. You were just so adorable and peaceful when you did. His sleepy baby bunny. He was glad you felt safe enough around him to let your guard down like that. Not that he was a danger to you, of course not. It was just... nice. To see you in such a relaxed state.

Almost as nice as how your thighs felt.

William had gotten most accustomed to them during the trip. His right hand never left your soft flesh the whole way there. He would rub soft, loving circles against your knee every now and again, despite knowing that you wouldn't feel them. At least, not now. When he first put his hand there when you were awake, you definitely felt them. He could see it in the way the heat rose to your face, despite you not saying anything about it.

It made him smile.

Sweet little rabbit. No need to be shy around him. Not anymore, not after what the two of you had been through. As adorable as it was, you didn't need to have any shame around him, sweet thing. William loved every part of you and every version of you to bits. There's nothing you could do to embarrass yourself around him.

Perhaps you'd learn that by the end of the trip.

In the spirit to not living up to Mr. Afton's expectations, the hotel was a bit of a surprise as well. William knew that the place was secluded, but damn. There was hardly anyone there. From the looks of it, and the few other cars parked in the lot, there was only one or two other sets of people, not including the staff. But the staff seemed to only account for about three more people.

Not that William cared. The emptier, the better for you and him. That just meant that he could waltz you around the place even more so than he anticipated. The brit wasn't clueless. He knew how it'd look to outsiders. And older man with pretty little you on his hip. It's not that he gave a shit about it. William didn't give a fuck. He was just worried how you'd react. To peoples judgmental stares, the potential looks you would get and the comments. He hoped you wouldn't be insecure about it, if you caught onto it and/or cared. William knew that you were somewhat sensitive. If it caught you at the wrong time, you'd be a little insecure about it. And that was the last thing he wanted this week. For you to feel anything other than loved and cherished and confident. Because you were all of those things to him. All of them and more.

So, so much more.

Keep it together, William. Deal with it as it comes. Worrying about it now isn't gonna solve anything. Just focus on your little bunny. They're all that matters.

To let you sleep a little bit longer, William left you in the car with your door locked while he checked in for the both of you, and while he lugged all the bags up to the room. The hotel was one of those old-school ones with the doors facing the outside, with a dingy concrete staircase connecting the ground to the second level. The room was fortunately near the stairs, so it wasn't too hard for the brit to carry it all up there by himself.

Not that he'd ask you for help with it. But, still. Cut him some slack.

Once he was done getting everything prepared, he was finally ready to wake you up. He had turned off his car before unlocking your side of the door, and you seemed to somewhat aware again just from the loss of the noise of the engine alone. It made him feel less bad about waking you up, but he still felt bad nonetheless.

Maybe that's what compelled him to carry you up the stairs, and not take no for an answer.

"Will, please, you don't gotta do this if you don't wanna. I can walk just fine by myself!" You had mumbled into his shoulder, gripping onto the front of his sweater-vest for dear life. William's hold on you was more than secure, in a nice bridal-style fashion, but you were still a little freaked out by it. Didn't like heights, he figured.

William chuckled at your little plea. Who knew you'd still be this cute when you were scared?

How interesting.

"Bunny, I told you already, love." He responded to you, giving you a quick kiss to your cheek, "Consider this my apology for disturbing your little nap, yeah?"

He saw how you peeked over the edge of the stairs, your fingers digging further in the plush cotton of his sweater, "A-Apology accepted! Okay, you can put me do-"

"No can do, bunny. We're not even to our room yet, silly."

"William!"

The brit chuckled again and pressed another kiss to your cheek as he reached the top of the stairs. The grip you had on his vest finally released as you breathed a silent sigh of relief. The older man could feel your heartbeat slowly start to settle down.

"See, love?" He said, "That wasn't so bad now, was it?"

"No. It was somehow worse than I imagined."

"I thought you liked being carried."

"I do! But not on a tiny little staircase so high up!"

William laughed at your protests, "Fine, fine. Noted that my bunny doesn't like heights. Come on now, love. Hold on tight, yeah?"

You gave him a little nod as you leaned up a bit, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your chest close to his. William could feel your heartbeat even clearer now as he shifted your weight to his left arm, supporting you with just the one limb while he used his spare to open the door. Once it was open, he returned to holding you with both arms as he stepped inside, kicking the door closed behind him. In his peripheral, William could see how you turned in his arms so that you could get a better look at the room.

For it being such an old hotel, it was actually rather nice. At least, the furniture was. The room itself (that being the walls, ceiling, and floors) was most definitely dated. But, anyone could tell that the hotel owners made at least some attempt to spruce up the place. There was plenty of well-placed art on the walls, and lots of lamps for mood-lighting. The bulbs were warm-toned too, giving the place more of a home-away-from-home feeling. There were fake plants as well, but the fakeness didn't take away from the charm. The bed looked soft, not plain and hard like a normal hotel bed. The white sheets were fitted with green accents that matched the aesthetic of the room, with lots of pillows and extra blankets. The phone on the bedside table looked fairly new as well. Not even a rotary one. Classy.

Looking around a bit more, it looked like William already took the liberty to unpack just a little bit. Some of his nicer clothes were hanging up in the closet, revealed by the slightly ajar door. Your toiletry bag was no where in sight, so it seemed like he took it into the bathroom already along with his. Nonetheless, both of your suit cases were neatly placed at the foot of the bed, waiting to be used.

It was cozy. And cute. Not anything like the Four Seasons or Ceasar's Palace, but it was cute. Had charm to it. A nice get away for a quick whim. Perfect for your purposes.

William had been studying your face as you looked around the room, a small smile on his lips as he studied your features. He liked being this close to you. Holding you close like this.

"What do you think, bunny?" He asked, after a brief pause, "Do you like it?"

You tore your gaze away from the expanse of the room, smiling at him with a little nod, "I do. It's, like, cozy. And a good size."

"It is, isn't it?" He leaned in closer to you, giving your lips a quick peck, "Do you know what the best part is, though?"

"What?"

William's smirk grew just a hair, "It's all ours. And we are completely and utterly alone."

You giggled at the brit's sentiment, "You were thinking of that line the whole ride here, weren't you?"

"Is it a crime if I was?"

"No, no. It's cute."

"Not nearly as adorable as you, my baby bunny."

As your giggles filled the room again, William leaned in closer to you, capturing your sweet lips into a kiss. He pulled your body closer to his as he walked you over to the bed, your arms still firmly around his scarred neck. The kiss was starting to deepen as he gently laid you down on the hotel bed, but the older man had to pull away. But only just long enough for him to climb on top of you, guiding your legs to wrap around his waist with ease.

Once he was steady, William dipped his head down to kiss you again, but didn't stay there as long as before. Instead, he tilted his head down more so that he was greeted with your neck. The hickies he gave you earlier were just starting to form, but where dark enough to where he could see them. He made sure to find new spots on his bunny's skin to latch on to, giving you soft, sweet, and reassuring little pecks in between.

Your fingers found their home in his hair right as he was laying the third bruise into your flesh, soft groans escaping past your throat every now and again. William's left hand was starting to wander past its original spot near your head, making its way down your chest and stomach to your hips and waist. You could feel his calloused fingers rub gentle circles into your skin every now and again.

"Mmmph," You groaned quietly, the brit already working on the fourth mark for you to adorn, "Will... I missed you."

William let out a low chuckle, the bass of which vibrating gently against your neck muscles, and even in the middle of your chest.

"Sweet bunny," he whispered to you, peppering your jaw with a few short, soft kisses, "I missed you too, my darling. So so much."

His hand was palming the hem of your shirt now, his fingers slipping just past the cloth. William could feel his pants growing tighter as he nipped at your collarbones, hoping to elicit more of his cute bunny's sweet sounds out.

Your little fingers slipped out of his hair, sliding down to his shoulders instead, "It's embarrassing but... I couldn't stop thinking about you. I just... I wanted you."

William had to choke back a deep, low groan as he stopped his kisses to look at you, sitting up so he could look down at your blushy face. He could feel how devilish his smirk was as he looked into your half-lidded, sweet little eyes. His fingers were slowly sliding up under your shirt now, ghosting over the soft, smooth skin of your waist and tummy. He wondered if you could already feel his hard-on, because damn did he fucking feel it.

Precious bunny. His sweet baby rabbit.

You liked riling him up like that, didn't you?

"Did you now?" He teased you, raising one his brows as he stared right into your eyes.

He could see how your cheeks heated up even further as you nodded, much to his dismay. He tutted your actions, stopping the smooth, loving strokes of his fingers under your shirt.

"Silly bunny," he said, just loud enough so you could hear, "Don't tell me you forgot already. I need to hear your words, darling. Remember?"

You nodded again, "R-Right, yeah... I'm sorry."

"There's my good bunny. Now, let's try that again, alright?"

"Yes sir."

William had to choke back another groan, "Did you really miss me that much, little one?"

"I did... Yes sir. I missed you so much..."

A deep, low hum escaped the back of the brit's throat as his smirk regrew, his fingers under your shirt resuming their movements.

"Oh, my baby bunny." He hummed, "If only you knew just how much I missed you too."

William leaned down to you again, peppering your jaw with kisses as he whispered in your ear.

"Let's make up for some lost time then, yeah?" He said, "Would you like sir's help with that, little rabbit? Since you missed him that much?"

You couldn't help but let out a little whine, "Y-Yes, sir. Please..."

A low chuckle escaped past the brit's lips, "Good bunny. Now, just relax, yeah? Let me take care of you."

Giving your sweet, puffy lips one last quick kiss, William shifted downwards towards your stomach, gently pushing up your shirt on the way down. Now exposed to your belly underneath, William's hands found their home on either side of your hips as he pressed his kisses into the skin, holding you squarely in place. The older man could hear your soft whines as his hands shifted down to the hem of your pants, biting small little red marks into your skin. He could tell that you were getting antsy, from the way your legs would twitch every now and again beside him.

It was adorable. You were so so cute. He loved you so fucking much. This was only the second time, and you still wanted him this much? Fucking god. It made him so hard just thinking about it.

His kisses were starting to go lower now, his half-lidded stormy grey eyes stealing glances up at your face every now and again.

"Someone's a little impatient this afternoon it seems." He teased you with another smirk, making you whine again.

"I-I'm sorry," you squeaked, "I can't help it..."

William chuckled again, "There's no need to apologize, love. I-"

Before William could finish his sentence, he was rudely interrupted by a low yet loud grumbling noise that cut through the silence of the room. A little confused, the brit sat up a little more to get a better look at your face. Your eyes were wide with your face beet-red, your lips in a thin, long line.

"Was..." he said, "Bunny, was that you?"

You nodded after a brief pause, letting out an embarrassed groan as you hid your face in your hands.

"Yesss," you hissed, "I'm sorry! I'm just really damn hungry. I haven't had anything since, like... yesterday or something."

William shifted his weight around to sit a little more comfortably, his brow knitting in concern, "Love, why didn't you tell me? You know that's not good for you."

You removed your hands from your face, but your gaze faltered a little, "Because! I-I thought I could make it to dinner, and... I liked where this was going..."

The older man couldn't help but breathe out a tiny laugh, leaning back up from his place on the bed to sit in front of you. He took your cheek into his palm and leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to your lips.

"I'm certainly a fan as well," He said to you, rubbing soft, reassuring circles to your face, "But I can't have my baby bunny going hungry now, can I?"

"I-I'll be fine! I promise..."

William tutted you again, but this time not as teasingly, "No, no, love. These sorts of things come before, yeah? You need to keep up your energy, little one. And I want my bunny to be healthy, right? And happy?"

"Yeah..."

He leaned in to give you another kiss, "Exactly. Now how about we go and find you something to eat, alright?"

Your gaze dropped down to the side as you gave him another nod, placing your little hand on top of his own that was still nestled on your face, "I'm sorry... I totally killed the mood."

The brit shushed you as he pressed a kiss to your cheek, then another one to your lips.

"You didn't kill anything, love," he said, "Don't apologize. Your health and needs always come first. Besides, we have a whole week together, yeah?"

William saw your little smile creep back into the corners of your mouth, "Yeah."

"Exactly, love. So don't feel sorry for anything. It's alright. Sir isn't going to go anywhere, alright? Let's just find you a little something first. You'll need it for if you want to continue this later."

~~~

Fortunately for William, he didn't have to search too far to find you something to eat. The hotel had a small deli offset from the main lobby, and it looked decent. He didn't feel too uncomfortable with having you get something from there, since it looked clean and fresh enough for his standards. He didn't want you eating some sort of junk, not if he couldn't help it.

You were better than that.

The sun had started to creep down the horizon when the two of you entered the deli. William didn't think that he had kept you in the room for that long, but turns out he did. That was fine though, he certainly did enjoy the short bit of fun the two of you had. Sure it didn't go all the way, but it was more than fine. It was only day one of seven, there'd be plenty of time for him to play with his bunny later. What was important now was keeping you fed. So you didn't keel over in the middle of him having his fun with you, and (more importantly) so he was doing a good job of taking care of you. Like he promised.

William didn't much feel like interacting with the people working behind the counter, so he stayed behind while you ordered for yourself. Of course, he kept you within his sight while you did, but you seemed to be doing fine. You had a little bit of social anxiety, but it was manageable. His bunny was capable. And you seemed braver with him around. Perhaps you unconsciously knew that he'd swoop in to save you, if you ran into trouble.

Of course he would. He promised that to you, too. He was your hero.

The brit was standing next to the entrance door while he watched you order, feeling the low Utah sun creeping down his back through the window. Thankfully it was a smoking zone, so he was able to enjoy a cigarette for the time being. Far enough away from you to keep you from breathing in the second-hand smoke, but not far away to where he had to be away from you. A win-win.

The older man took a puff from his cigarette as he watched you walked up to the register. He had given you his wallet to pay for your food, and it seemed like they weren't having any issue with you using a credit card that didn't have your name on it.

Not that they would, but still. He was a bit paranoid when it came to his bunny.

After double checking that you were okay, William turned around and put his free hand in his pocket, looking out the window to the scenery outside.

He had to admit; the location of the hotel was actually quite nice. For Utah, anyway. There were lots of nice trees and wildflowers, and a cool breeze that liked to roll through frequently. It was much better looking than he had remembered. When coming here with his family long ago, he remembered it quite differently. More drab and grey, not nearly as much color as he was looking at. Perhaps it was just because of the different contexts. When his family still all lived together under the same roof, it was one of the most depressing times he remembers in his life. So fucking boring. And a non-stop headache of three children constantly screaming, crying, and running around. With that bitch always nagging him to pay attention to her and the children, like he gave a damn about any of them.

William took a long, drawn out inhale of the nicotine.

God. He did not fucking miss that.

But, with you, it was so much better. You were a thousand times better than his family ever was. You weren't fucking annoying, for one, and you weren't loud either. You were soft and quiet, and sweet and caring. And you were very much in love with him, much like how he was in love with you. You were smarter than any of his family was, and it didn't feel painful to have to explain things to you. When you listened, you actually listened, and cared about what he had to say. Giving you kisses and other forms of affection didn't feel like a chore. He was happy to do it because he wanted to do it. He couldn't get enough of your body next to his. Much different from what he felt for his ex and the little brats he made with her.

That was the biggest difference, he figured. William loved you, and you reciprocated. He never fucking loved his family. Not even for a moment.

He was glad to be so close to never having to speak to them again.

Taking a quick glance over his shoulder to you, William made sure you were still okay as he tamped out some of the ash from the cigarette. Once he had his confirmation, William shifted his gaze back out the window, inhaling another puff of nicotine.

His eyes were scanning over the few cars that were in the parking lot this time as he stared out the window. Not that he was that into cars, but he did think a few were good to look at. There was of course his own, which was probably the most expensive that parking lot had ever seen. There was a few other nice cars, but not much to bat an eye at. A green ford. A blue Volkswagen. A red convertible. A...

...

Wait.

William blinked his eyes to try and readjust his vision. Not that he had much issues with his sight, but surely he had caught something in there. He even went to the extra measure to rub them with his free hand. He opened his eyes again to scan the parking lot again.

He felt a snap of cold wash over him.

No.

God please fucking no.

There was no fucking way. He had to be seeing shit. He had to be. He knew that fucking red car. He knew it all too well. Even though the last time he saw it was-

"Will?"

William nearly flinched as he heard your soft voice behind him, turning around a bit too quickly at the sound. Smoke was still pluming out of his cigarette, and he could feel his grey eyes were a bit wider than they should've been. You didn't seem to notice, though, or at least didn't care. You were smiling up at him so sweetly, holding up a brown paper bag to show him.

"I'm all done." You said, "I got you one too, I hope that's okay."

William gave you a little nod of approval, trying his best to reciprocate your smile, "Yes, that's fine, bunny. Thank you, that was very..."

The older man didn't finish his sentence, taking another hit of nicotine as he looked outside again.

It was gone.

Thank god it was fucking gone.

"Um, Will?" He heard you say, "Is everything okay?"

William dropped the remainder of his cigarette to the ground and stepped on it to put it out, turning back to you with the best smile he could muster. Fuck, was he sweating? He couldn't tell.

Keep it fucking together, William.

"Y-Yes, bunny, of course." He said, clearing his throat, "Sorry, I just lost my train of thought. Let's get back to the room, alright?"

Before you could agree, William grabbed you by the hand and nearly drug you out of the deli. He could hear a little cry of protest from his quick actions come from you, but he didn't pay attention to what it was.

All he was focused on was getting back to where it was safe. Before everything got fucked up.

~~~

The sun had rapidly started setting faster and faster once William got you back into the room. You seemed to be much hungrier than you had realized, since you hadn't said anything since you had sat at the corner of the bed with your sandwich in your hands, munching away without a care in the world. You had turned on the TV to some local news channel to have something to watch, your eyes glued to the screen as you ate.

William, however, hadn't joined you by your side. At least, not yet.

He was too occupied gazing out the windows every few seconds and pacing around the room, only broken up by him taking a seat in one of the chairs every couple of minutes. He hadn't said much since he got back from the deli, and he knew it. But he just... couldn't.

He couldn't remember the last time he was this paranoid.

He wanted to start smoking again, but not with you in the room. He wouldn't want you to breathe in the second hand smoke. Never. But fuck. Did he fucking want to.

It was a balancing act made in hell. Trying to be calm for you, but also quelling his own worries. He stood up for what felt like the 100th time that afternoon and pulled back the curtains, looking out to be greeted yet again with an empty, poorly-lit parking lot.

William felt his brow knit together. How the fuck would he have been found out this early? About you? About everything?

It didn't make any sense. Those idiots couldn't have found him out this fucking early on. He covered his tracks. He fucking lied where he had to. He planned every fucking thing town to the most minute detail. Dotted the i's. Crossed the t's. There was no way they got that smart. No fucking way.

But then why was that goddamned car outside?

William sighed to himself annoyedly, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

He was going to drive himself crazy. This wasn't how he wanted to spend this week with you. Not in the slightest. All he fucking wanted was a nice, peaceful time away with his bunny. But no. He didn't fucking get that either. He didn't ever get shit he wanted. He has you, but that's it. But where was the fun if he couldn't play with you like he wanted? Having to dart from place to place like this? Maybe he needs to step up his game. Do more. Take you further out of town. Change his name perhaps. It's not fair to you, but you'd have to change yours as well. Maybe when you were at the courthouse, he could-

"Will?"

Over the sound of the hum of the TV, William could hear you calling out to him. He opened his eyes and turned away from the window, closing the blinds again as he did. He was greeted with the sight of you still perched on the edge of the bed, your cute eyes filled with a twinge of worry. Your sandwich wrapper was balled up and thrown beside you. How long had he been at this?

"Will," you said again, "are you okay?"

William cleared his throat at your question, putting on the best smile he could muster, "Of course, bunny. Why?"

"You just seem, like... paranoid."

Shit. He forgot how smart you could be.

"No, no, I'm not paranoid, love." He said, "Not at all."

The older man saw how you frowned at his response, prompting you to stand up from off the bed. He watched as you walked over to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. His hands found their home on either side of your waist, feeling how his muscles relax at the feeling of your touch. You even stood up on your tip-toes, pressing a kiss to his lips. In waves, he could feel his pent-up stress wash out of him, his hands rubbing up and down your back soothingly. Your warmth was comforting to him, it seems. Just having you in his arms was.

Sweetest little one.

"Will," you said to him, "Its okay. You can tell me if something's bothering you."

William felt himself smile genuinely this time, lifting up one of his hands to rest on your cheek.

"Oh, my darling bunny," He mumbled, just loud enough so you could hear, "noting gets past you, does it, my love?

You smiled up at him, nuzzling your cheek against his large palm, "It's had to miss when you're pacing around like crazy."

William couldn't help but chuckle, breathing a sigh of out his nose afterward.

"I apologize, bunny, I just..." William rubbed small, loving circles onto your cheek with his thumb. He had to think of a way to put this so you weren't scared, but that proved to be challenging. He settled on telling you part of the truth, "It's been a while since I've had time off. I think I'm just getting used to not having anything to do, yeah?"

"Yeah, I get that. But you should try to relax, Will. Pacing around and being all, like, fidgety isn't gonna help. You're working yourself up."

William let out a hum at your words, leaning down to kiss your lips again.

You were right. Worrying isn't helping anything. He needed to chill the fuck out. He was scaring you. You wouldn't ever admit it to him, but he was. He could tell. And that was the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted his bunny to be happy. And feel loved and safe. And him being so paranoid wasn't going to accomplish that. He was probably just tired after a long drive and a few restless nights. A red convertible was a popular car. It didn't necessarily mean what he thought it was. He was just worried about things going wrong, even though he was the one telling you it'd all be alright. Oh, poor bunny. He didn't mean to frighten you like that. He was just being a fool. He hoped you could forgive him. He was just glad to have you there to pull him back to reality.

His had slid down your waist, latching onto your hip and pulling you closer to him.

His perfect bunny. The love of his life. HIs darling little one. His.

Just as the kiss was starting to deepen, William pulled away from you with a smirk, his lips hovering just inches away from your own. He could feel the heat radiating off of your cheeks onto his as he looked into your eyes. The older man's hands were deft, one expertly caressing the side of your body, the other the side of your face. He could tell you were already enjoying yourself, your tiny fingers digging into the back of his sweater-vest. Perhaps you were feeling pent-up from earlier. There's no shame if you were, sweet thing. Hell, he was probably more in need of you then you were of him. Heaven knows how much he tried to relieve himself in your absence.

But, even though you were right there in front of him, William liked to take his time with you. Feel you. Touch you. Savor you.

"You've been so so good for me, bunny." He mumbled to you, his thumb dipping down to feel your rosy, swollen bottom lip, "Did you know that? You've been a perfect bunny for me."

William watched you swallow and nod before you said anything, "I... I like to think I'm good at following the rules..."

The brit chuckled, "It seems you are, love."

He paused briefly to give your lips another quick kiss, finding it too hard to resist.

"And do you know what happens when you're a good baby bunny for sir, darling?" He asked you after pulling away again.

You took a little breath before you said anything. He could tell that you were getting shy again, but knew he wanted your words. You were learning. Good. He barely had to teach you a thing.

"I... I-I get a reward." you mumbled.

William let out a pleased hum, giving a kiss to your temple, "Good bunny. That's right, you get everything your pretty little heart desires, yeah?"

"Yes sir."

"And tell me, little one. Who gives you all those nice things, hm?"

"Y-You do, sir..."

"Good bunny. And who is the only one that gets to give you those things?"

"Sir is."

William's finger dipped under your chin, lifting up the bone to make sure you looked him dead in the eyes.

"And whos bunny are you, little one?"

Your cheeks were burning hot now, "Y-Yours, sir... I'm yours."

Sir let out another pleased hum, pressing another quick kiss to his bunny's sweet little lips.

"Good, bunny, very good. Now, how about you tell me what you'd like for your reward, yeah? Anything your little heart desires, love. It'll be yours."

He watched you wet your lips before you spoke, barely above a whisper.

"You."

~~~

It was really fucking cold when you woke up.

It didn't help that the blankets were already halfway off of you, and that you were butt-ass naked underneath, except for your lower underwear. Maybe that's what woke you up to begin with. You couldn't think of any other reason why.

When you cracked your eyes open, you were luckily facing the bedside table, the digital alarm clock's red light shining in the dark void of the hotel room. Probably the only light source within the room William had gotten you. It took you a few rubs of your eyes to finally read it.

2:47 AM. Tuesday morning.

You rubbed your eyes a bit more as you felt your body start to wake up along with the rest of you. After moving around a bit, you were already starting to feel warmer than you did earlier. You knew that you should've put on pajamas. Around this time, Utah got freezing at night. It was practically the desert out here, but damn. It made you grateful to live in a time with heater systems being invented. But, still. The best heater in the world wouldn't do shit if you were butt-ass naked.

Coupled with the fact that you were freezing, you also felt a little hungry. The sandwich from earlier was filling, but after tonight you knew you had spent a lot of energy.

You took a glance over your shoulder at where that energy had went.

Of course, William was sound asleep behind you. Now that you were a bit more woken up, you could feel his arms wrapped snugly around your middle, your back pressed against this large, scarred yet toned chest. You knew that he had missed you while you were away. You missed him too. But turns out, oh god did he fucking miss you. He didn't want just one round. He wanted two. Then three. Then four. Then almost five, if you hadn't been nearly passing out from exhaustion by the start.

Not that you were complaining. Sex with William was amazing.

He was just amazing in general. He was kind to you. Understanding, too. And so so loving. You could tell that he really cared. Although he had some... odd ways of showing it.

But you didn't mind. It's what you signed up for. It's what you wanted. You couldn't help but think back to the days where you had a bit of a crush on him. Blushing whenever he said hi to you. Getting him to talk just to listen to that smoking accent of his. Did that make you a bad person? Crushing on your best friend's dad? Maybe it did. But, you couldn't help it. He was just so... charming.

Who knew you'd end up like this? With him? After all that time?

It was a bit hard to believe it was all real, at times.

Like it was too good to be true.

All you wanted was to just cuddle back up to William and drift back off. Wake up to him kissing you good morning, with a nice breakfast like he did before. But, no. You were too damn cold. And too damn hungry to do that, to wait until the morning. You needed to put on some pajamas, and find something to eat before you starved or froze to death. You couldn't imagine the horror your boyfriend would have if he found you dead next to him in the morning, all because he was too needy to let you put on a fucking shirt the night prior.

You'd save him the heart-attack. With all those damn cigarettes he smoked, he needed to be saved from it.

Slowly, you started to peel yourself away from the older man, careful not to go too fast. You still weren't too sure about just how heavy a sleeper Will was or not, but wanted to be careful in case he wasn't one at all. After a lot of wiggling and shuffling around, you were finally able to get out of your boyfriend's hold without incident. You shifted your legs out from under the covers, sitting on the edge of the bed as you rubbed your eyes one last time. They were pretty adjusted to the dark now, so you were able to see what was around you.

At the foot of the bed, you saw the discarded white t-shirt William had thrown off earlier. He used it as an undershirt, but it still looked clean enough. It'd do for the time being.

Picking up the article of clothing, you pulled it on over your head, letting it fall down your body. It was a little big on you, but you just found that to be more comfortable. And it smelled like Will. A win-win.

Scanning the ground again, you were able to see your sweatpants from earlier, though a little farther away this time. Reaching out with your leg, you were able to catch the pants on your toe and bring it back closer to you. You reached down and grabbed the pants off the floor, loosely holding it in your hands.

You were just about to stand up to put them on, but suddenly felt a large, heavy hand grab onto your wrist.

A gasp escaped your lips as you quickly spun around to see its source, only to be greeted with a familiar sight.

Him.

"Oh my god, Will!" You mutedly exclaimed, your voice barely above a whisper, "You scared the shit outta me!"

He asked, his voice low and laced with sleep, "What are you doing?"

"It got cold," you explained, "so I'm putting on some clothes. I was also gonna go look for a vending machine. I can bring you-"

"No."

You blinked at William's interjection, feeling your lips part as you did. Even in the cover of darkness, you could see the seriousness in his grey eyes. Feel it in the way he grabbed onto you. He didn't want you to get up.

"Just..." he continued, "come back to bed, bunny. I'll hold you to make it warmer."

You smiled at his request. It was late. Will just must be tired. You could understand his clinginess.

"You were already holding me, Will." you explained to him, standing up to pull on your pants before sitting down again. William's hand returned to your arm as you did so.

"It'll be warmer with your clothes." He said, "Come here, bunny. I don't want you to leave."

You breathed out a little laugh as you leaned forward to him, giving him a soft kiss on his cheek.

"I'll just be gone a few minutes. I'll come right back. I promise." you reassured him, sliding your hand down to give his hand a squeeze.

"You promise?"

"Yes, Will."

"...Fine. Just don't be too long."

"I won't, I won't. Just a few minutes."

You gave him one last kiss on the cheek before standing up, putting on your shoes, and slipping out of the door. You felt bad leaving your boyfriend after he asked you to stay, but you were starving. But, you knew you could make good on your promise. You already knew were the vending machines were, and what sort of thing you'd want from them.

You padded your feet down the small staircase as you felt the chilly air wash over you, hugging your arms tight around you. You had to go slow down the stairs, since you were still sore from earlier, but tried to hurry as best you could. Once you were at the bottom, you turned the corner into the small area which housed the ice and vending machines. The whir from them was almost hypnotic, and it made you yawn. After scanning through the array of items available to you, you realized that this was gonna be a tougher choice than you thought.

The quietness of the night made it easier for you to think as you leaned against the wall. But, it also made you more aware.

After a few minutes, you could hear the sound of footsteps padding over to you in the distance. By their pitch, you could distinguish that whoever it was, they were wearing heels.

Heels? At this hour? Maybe someone coming from a party. Or someone's plane just landed a few hours ago. Who were you to judge?

Your eyes still on the vending machine, you listened as the footsteps drew nearer to where you were. Weird, but...

The staircase was right behind you. They were probably just going up there.

Why were you so nervous?

The heel-clacking was getting louder now.

Shit.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the source of the footsteps. A woman had come up to the vending machine too, standing a good amount of feet away from you.

Shit. Should you just ignore her? Or was that rude?

It had to be rude. No to at least say hi.

Picking up your gaze from off the array of snacks, you looked over to the woman. You were a bit surprised to see she was already looking at you.

Or, at a minimum, you think she was.

The woman had a beautiful strawberry-blonde colored head of long, feathered hair, a red bandana holding some of the sides away from her face. She was wearing sunglasses (odd, for this time of night), but you could see the freckles that lined her cheeks underneath them. Her dress was long and flowy; a nice pastel-pink color with small, red rosettes lining the knee-length skirt. Her purse was tucked neatly into the crook of her arm, balancing on the top of her wide hip. Her heels were red too, as well as the lipstick she wore.

Should you be creeped out? By someone so casual this late at night?

Only one way to find out.

You gave your best polite smile to the lady, internally cringing at the awkward feeling it gave you.

"Cold night, yeah?" You asked her as some form of greeting. Not your best work, but hey. You weren't good with this sort of thing.

"Definitely, sugar." She told you in response, allowing you to hear her deep, rich southern accent, "much too cold for that get-up you got here."

You tried to laugh as polite as you could, "Yeah, well, I'm not staying out here too long. Just needed some air."

The woman nodded, "I understand. I wouldn't want to be around him too much, either."

It took you a second to process what the lady said, but you felt the chill run down your body once you understood.

What? No, there's no way...

She must be mistaken.

"I..." you stammered out, "S-sorry, I don't... I-I think you got the wrong person."

The woman's small smile grew, but not out of amusement. She seemed... sad. You watched as she took off her sunglasses, neatly placing them on top of her head to rest on her bandana. She had gorgeous green eyes. The type you'd only seen in movies before.

"You are (Y/N), right?" she asked.

You felt another chill run down your spine. If your legs weren't so sore, you knew you'd be running by now.

"H-How..." you mumbled, "H-how do you know my name..?"

The woman's brow bent downwards now, her eyes full of sympathy.

"Oh, don't be frightened now, mudbug. How rude of me. My name's Clara, sugar. But you probably know me better as Mikey's momma."

~~~

It was sad. It was sad, but painfully true.

The second Clara looked at you, she could tell exactly why her ex-husband wanted anything to do with you.

You were a cute and timid little thing. Young, and so full of life. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for what the world had to offer you. You had to be smart too. William wouldn't tolerate you if you weren't. Skittish, but she couldn't blame you for that. She had come up to you in the middle of the night. You were probably tired, and god knows what kind of shit William put into your head by now. She figured it had to be a good amount. It was obvious you were wearing his shirt, and the hickies covering your neck were even more so. And he had drug you all the way out here. You were probably so naïve and kind. She could see it in your eyes.

She wondered if you already loved him.

How tonight went would tell her.

She watched you as you continued to back away from her. She knew that you were trying to make a break for the stairs, but weren't trying to be rude at the same time. Clara could feel the sympathetic smile on her face.

You poor, poor thing.

"L-Look, ma'am, I..." you stammered out, "I don't want any trouble, I just-"

"No, sugar, no," Clara said back to you, keeping her voice low and calm to not frighten you any further, "I'm not lookin' for trouble either."

You looked at the older woman for a moment, eyeing her up and down in silence.

"Then what do you want?" you asked.

Clara shot you another sympathetic smile, shifting her purse down to rest in the crook of her elbow. She reached inside and pulled out a manila envelope, folded if half to fit in her bag.

"Now, I know you must be really confused, pumpkin," she explained, "but Mikey and I are just... we're a little concerned for you. And I just wanna ask you for a few minutes of your time to show you a few things, okay?"

The woman saw how your brows knitted together, partially in confusion, but partially in anger.

"Concerned for me?" you questioned, "Why? I'm sorry if this is rude, ma'am but... you don't even know me."

"Trust me, darlin', Mikey's told me plenty about you before."

"Then he should know that I'm fine. I'm not in any danger, so if he set you up to this just... please tell him that I'm okay."

Damn. You were smart.

"(Y/N)," Clara said, "I know you might feel like you are, but trust me when I say-"

"Why should I trust you? S-Sorry, I know that's rude but..."

"Because I've been in your shoes before, pumpkin. I know all of that man up there's tricks to keep you were he wants."

"But hasn't it been like, years since y'all split up? Maybe he's changed."

"People like him don't ever change, sugar. In all the years I've known him, he hasn't changed not one bit."

Clara could tell that you were getting annoyed, and defensive too. She couldn't help but wonder if her ex was starting to rub off on you in that regard. Were you like this before? She'd never know.

"Look, ma'am," you said, starting to back away to the staircase, "I appreciate the concern, but I am not in any sorta danger here. I am perfectly fine, and I know what I'm doing. So, please, thanks and goodni-"

"He calls you his bunny, doesn't he?"

That certainly got your attention. You stopped dead in your tracks, your eyes wide open to the size of dinner plates, all the color drained from your face. Clara smiled to cover up the anguish inside. That's what she was hoping to avoid. That's the one thing she wished he spared you from. But, deep down, she knew. Clara knew that he'd want nothing to do with you unless you were that.

Clara watched you take a few steps closer to her, your eyes till wide open as you looked up to her face. She saw you were trembling, but wasn't sure if it was because you were scared, or because of the cold.

"H-How..." you whispered, your voice barely audible, "How did you know that?"

The woman shot you another sympathetic smile, "How about we find a place to sit down, sugar?"

~~~

tags: @guinea-pig16 @the-official-memester @randomwriteralan @mrsrogerwaters @laylaaftonshit @cherry-slushee @insert-memical-username @mrssafton @horrorking2000 @artist-anon08 @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @jamiethenerdymonster @kimyona-san @purplewolfcoffee @violetlmfaoo @reapersimps @wawuwe @lovinglenore @zoey5252 @000-mika

apologies to any blogs tumblr wont let me tag!!

[lochnessmonsterofficial]

I'm going to upset your entire worldview with this but you need to be uncomfortable for a minute: you need to be kind to people who disagree with you. You need to listen to and try to understand people who come from different backgrounds.

A woman I follow on tiktok posted results from a live she did where she invited gen z Trump voters to tell her why they voted for him. Many of these were registered Democrats, who once believed in freedom of choice and environmental regulations and trans rights. They told her they felt unwelcome in leftist circles because of their race, gender, or sexual orientation. They said they felt pushed out and beat down and silenced, and then the right welcomed them with open arms.

I admit to feeling this way sometimes. It feels like shit to be told to shut up because you don't have the exact, perfect resume of oppression to be able to speak on a certain topic. There is occasionally space for exclusivity and "safe spaces", but those things will never convince anyone to vote for your candidate or to change their mind on a key issue. And you actually do need to change their minds. This election is weird, because not every single Trump voter this time around is racist, misogynistic, or homophobic. Some of them definitely are, to be fair, but he really ran a cross section this time.

You guys are becoming reclusive and nasty and WEIRD. You actually need to listen to people when they tell you what they're feeling - find the common thread, and lead them FORWARD. I get that nobody "owes" these people their time and effort, but you also don't need to say that to their face. You don't need to make people feel like they're stupid or worthless because of their race or gender. That's how you lose support. It feels immature of them because it is - but it's also immature to build a treehouse with a "no boys allowed" sign, and to point and laugh as they cry on the ground.

[writerblue275]

Collaborating with Heartsteel!Kayn (ft. the rest of Heartsteel!)

Inspiration: Music by Against the Current. Specifically “Burn it Down,” “Again & Again,” “Blindfolded,” “that won’t save us,” “Wildfire,” and so many other of their songs. Been super into their music lately.

Character: Heartsteel!Kayn (but also the rest of Heartsteel is mentioned)

Genre: Headcanon

Type: Fluff. Slight angst at beginning due to plot but it resolves.

Gender: Gender Neutral reader!

Tw: slight angst. Slightly low self esteem at parts. Shitty “friends” (not Heartsteel). Swearing.

Note: Honestly up to reader’s interpretation if there are romantic undertones in this or not. Truly I’m writing it neutrally where I can see either the reader and Kayn having only a platonic, but close, friendship, or have things develop into something more through/after the process. Up to you, besties.

You’ve known Kayn for years. Your musical stylings were very similar and your band and his old band ran in the same circles, though his former group was far more popular than yours while he was still a member.

You were the bassist/vocalist for your group and he played guitar for his.

Because of that genre overlap, overtime, you and him developed a friendship and often just hung out together, enjoying each other’s company.

Most of the time these were just hangouts in one of your rooms, improvising/riffing, having fun, and writing songs.

As you did, overtime you two discussed releasing some sort of project together, but the timing never seemed to be quite right.

Then well…Kayn was kicked out of his former band.

So all professional collab ideas were put on the back burner as you quickly and heavily focused on being there for your friend as he went through the toughest spot in his career.

Even when things got a bit ugly, you made sure he knew you were there to support him and that you believed in him and his talents.

Knowing someone was in his corner really helped him get to a better place again and he really thinks very highly of you because of what you did to support him.

In fact, when Kayn was approached by Aphelios about joining Heartsteel, he even asked for your opinion because he trusts your judgement.

And of course you encouraged him to go for it, knowing how much he missed performing.

You also had a good feeling about the group, especially if they wanted to have Kayn join even after all the shit that went down with his past group. It just felt like Kayn and Rhaast would be welcomed, and that made you happy.

You’re one of the very few people who he’s comfortable being Rhaast around. You’ve never judged him for his creative process and in fact have always been willing to accommodate it without judgement.

So needless to say, Kayn grew to respect you immensely.

As he settled into Heartsteel, he was happy to watch as your group continued to grow more and more successful. It also seemed like, even with the rising fame, your band all got along with each other.

That joy was something he appreciated even more now that he found his own group he felt at home with (Heartsteel).

Between your group’s rising fame and Heartsteel’s, that did mean you and Kayn weren’t able to hang out as much as you used to, and occasionally there were long periods of time where the two of you weren’t able to chat and keep each other up to date on stuff.

Which was why Kayn was stunned when he saw a social media post from your band announcing your departure from the group and who your replacement was.

The way the band worded the post, it seemed like the decision was mutual for both parties.

So Kayn was even more shocked to see a post on your personal accounts detailing how no, it wasn’t amicable, actually.

You were pushed out from your position in the group to make room for the lead guitarist’s sibling who also sang and played bass.

A situation of classic and full blown nepotism. It was a decision made behind your back and your former band didn’t even have the decency to talk to you about it before posting the announcement.

You found out about your removal via socials at the same time the public did. (That’s fucked up fr.)

Understandably, you were livid.

You were always a true professional when it came to both your music and your behavior while in the group, and you were regarded as one of the most talented bassists/vocalists in the genre. To hear you were pushed out due to nepotism was a shock for everyone in the industry.

(It also caused a lot of people to lose quite a bit of respect for your old band.)

While your captions of your posts on the topic remained professional, the hurt you were feeling was very clear in your words.

You’d considered your former band mates to be some of your closest friends. Them disregarding and disrespecting you like this stung a lot.

Thankfully so many of your fans immediately showed you support on your socials.

You’ve always loved and appreciated your fans and have always been vocal regarding your gratitude when it comes to their support. Because of that, you personally had a passionate subgroup of fans within your old group’s fan base.

Even with their support though, this was obviously a very rough time for you.

Kayn couldn’t help but feel upset for you. He knew how this situation felt and it definitely wasn’t great.

He left a comment on your post: “Fuck them and fuck that bullshit. You’re too talented for them. Let’s talk.”

That caused a lot of whispers. Most fans weren’t aware of your years-long friendship with Heartsteel’s main rebel.

The press went crazy. “Are they together??” “How do they know each other?” “Does this mean we’re getting a collab between (Y/N) and Heartsteel??” (Spoiler alert: Yes. Yes it does. 😂.)

(While you found the rumors and whispering silly, they did make you smile and laugh so that’s good.)

So you found a time to meet up with Kayn and just catch up on how things were going for each other.

He really was so supportive of you, making sure you realized you did nothing wrong and giving you the space and time to vent out everything you were feeling about the situation.

Kayn was getting his chance to repay what you did for him (though he hated that circumstances arose where he had to do so).

While chatting with you, he asked about some of the music you’d been writing, curious to see how things were coming along since he’d last seen you.

You showed him some of the songs/lyrics you’d been writing to process your grief and anger at the bullshit you found yourself in. Music had always been your comfort place and, despite the shitty situation, that hadn’t changed.

Kayn was super impressed by your work and he had an idea.

Kayn leaned forward across the cafe table you two were situated at. “What if we collabed on something? Like actually released a song together? Or shit, we could do an EP. We talked about doing so in the past. I think now is the perfect time. You can show those traitors you don’t need them.”

You looked surprised. “Really? Do you think we could? You have your Heartsteel obligations and I’d hate to take you away from those. Not to mention we don’t have enough people for it. I’ve got bass and vocals covered and you have guitar on lock, but who would play drums for us?”

He grinned. “(Y/N), I think it’s because of Heartsteel we’d be able to release something like this. The guys know I’ve been writing other stuff besides raps and they agreed to help me with any sort of solo or collaborative project I’m passionate about.”

Your eyebrows went up. “Oh really? That’s extremely supportive of them. I’m glad you have that.”

Kayn chuckled and nodded. “Things have definitely been looking up for me lately. But anyway, as for drums, Aphelios recently asked if I needed drums for anything. He’s been dying to break out his set again. So he’d definitely help us there.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “Glad to hear that. But what about the sound production and mixing side of things? I only know the very basics.”

“Yone is one of the best producers in the industry and Aphelios has also been working alongside him on our projects. Between the two of them, I trust they’ll do right by us.”

You bit your lip before tapping your notebook. “Kayn, do you really think there’s enough in here for a solid EP? Would people listen?”

He tapped your note pad, “The lyrics in here are excellent, (Y/N), and knowing you, you already have melodies planned out. Besides, you and I were both pushed out of our former bands. That alone will create an insane amount of intrigue around any collaboration we do. I can tell you’re nervous about this, but let’s take a risk. Who knows what good might come out of it?”

His excitement and passion made the decision easy. You’d do it. You’d collab with him/Heartsteel (as long as the others were ok with it, especially Alune, Yone, and Aphelios).

They absolutely were. Yone loved the idea of producing more rock/alternative tracks. It was a genre he hadn’t really dipped his talents into yet.

Phel? Oh he agreed IMMEDIATELY when you and Kayn asked him to be the drummer for the project.

(A/N: I have such a vivid image in my head of Heartsteel!Aphelios just rocking the fuck out on drums and it’s GREAT. If only I could draw, damnit!)

And Alune thought the project would be a great way to drum up publicity for all involved, so she was all for it.

As were the other Heartsteel members. They helped out in their own ways too!

They’re really surprised (in a good way) by Kayn’s passion when it came to helping you. If it was such a big deal to him, they were going to do what they could to make this happen successfully!

K’Sante and Ezreal worked together to plan and direct a music video for the lead single (nothing extravagant. Just a cool looking performance video.)

Ezreal also helped with background vocals on the tracks.

Sett and K’Sante designed and helped make outfits for the MV and any performances you guys did.

You were super touched by how much they all helped you on this. Even though you were essentially a stranger, all of Heartsteel enthusiastically welcomed you in as a new friend and collaborator.

That made the entire creative process easy for you, which is what everyone wanted. You were stressed enough.

Recording the EP was so fucking fun? Truly your recording sessions were you, Kayn, and Aphelios rocking out with each other and doing what you do best. Performing some damn good music.

(A/N: Listen Kayn playing electric guitar has me in a fucking chokehold. He’d be so sexy with it and Jdnfjrnsnfjxkxnfjrkdnfjdk.)

After the recording sessions finished, you and Kayn were heavily involved in the production/mixing process with Yone and Aphelios. They always took your suggestions and thoughts seriously, and they genuinely had a lot of fun producing this project for you and Kayn.

With your past group, usually you just recorded and then your record label made all the important post-recording creative decisions. You just showed up where and when you needed to.

So having the ability and power to be so involved in the creative process/decisions for this project felt really liberating and wonderful. Heartsteel always made sure you felt seen and listened to when you made your opinions known.

(And the one time someone a prop-maker for the MV did kinda brush off your opinions, Kayn immediately backed you up.)

Speaking of creative decisions, usually you’re not a petty person…but you and Kayn decided to release the project around the same time you knew your former group was planning to release their own project. Because why the fuck not?

And when it came to deciding the logistics of the release (who it would release under/any features, etc…,) they gave you first artist credit. (It was Kayn’s request, but he didn’t have to try to convince the rest of them at all. They thought it was more than fair.)

Honestly Kayn, Aphelios, and Yone tried to convince you to just give them feature/production credit but you downright refused.

This was a true collaboration and you wanted to make sure people knew that. You were beyond grateful for Heartsteel’s role in this project.

The HYPE and anticipation surrounding this RP? Absolutely insane. People could not stop talking about it. And any sort of teasers/behind-the-scenes stuff you released on social media received so many interactions and comments expressing support for you and excitement for the release.

It made Kayn happy because he just KNEW your former group must be beyond annoyed. But in his eyes, fuck them. They didn’t care about your feelings when it came to kicking you out of the group so why should you take theirs into account? (<- He definitely said that to you more than once throughout the whole creative process.)

And once the EP was released (along with the lead single’s MV? Holy. SHIT. Things absolutely popped off.

Both fans and critics praised your work, particularly the raw and relatable emotions in the lyrics you wrote. Of course the music itself was praised too. Yone and Phel rightfully received a lot of kudos for their roles in the production of the music.

As did Kayn, ofc! Fans were thrilled to have Kayn back on guitar again and loved seeing him rock tf out with you and Phel in the music video.

The MV was also praised for its simplistic but impactful emphasis on the performance of the song. The visuals were amazing, though understated, and people thought your outfits looked cool as hell.

So many media outlets asked for interviews and such! It was wild! But it was super fun to explain to the public how you and Kayn knew each other and how this EP came to be! And Kayn always let you take the lead on questions since in his mind, this was your moment and he was just happy to be along for the ride. (One of the few times Kayn has ever been truly humble.)

(Also, lmaooo, Kayn definitely was throwing subtle shade onto your former group throughout all the interviews and when he did talk. You might not be a typically petty person, but he was. And he held quite a grudge against them now.)

You, Kayn, and Phel decided to do a mini series of concerts performing the project. Definitely not a full tour or anything, but it was just a chance for you to keep performing these songs that mean so much to you.

And every single concert? Sold out very quickly after tickets went on sale.

Those concerts were an absolute blast btw. You’ve never had so much fun performing before them. (Shout out to Alune for making sure each concert ran smoothly. You always made sure to thank her and buy her food after every concert, so now you are definitely on her favorites list!)

Also, because of your EP and concert series, you were scouted by a different band, another really well-respected group in the genre, who just lost their bassist/one of their vocalists. They really loved your lyric writing on the EP and wanted that talent on their team. (And of course they love your voice and your talents on bass!)

So even beyond this project, now you have a new group to call home! WOOHOO! (Kayn was so fuckin excited when you told him. His level of excitement was very unexpected but sweet!)

Needless to say the project was a total personal and professional success (and completely overshadowed your old band’s release hehehehehehe).

It allowed you to keep finding your joy in music even after a shitty situation, and you got to reconnect with someone you cared about (Kayn, duh).

Also working with Kayn and the other members of Heartsteel was just so fun.

They enjoyed working with you just as much. Through Kayn they let you know they’d be down for another collab, with you alone or with your new group, if you ever wanted to do another one.

(And while he didn’t say it out loud, Kayn’s definitely thinking: please collaborate with ME SPECIFICALLY again. Please please please please please *deep breath* please please please please.)

And you let him know you’d love to!

Thank you so very much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! I apologize for the infrequent posts. Life is very hectic at the moment but I’m still here, loving my fandoms! I’m hoping to start writing a little more since I’ve been feeling inspired lately!💙

[changbinsboobs]

How do skz feel about the lgbt community?

*For entertainment purposes only, take this with a grain of salt! I don't know any of the idols personally, this is all based on Tarot!

How do Skz feel about the LGBTQ Community?

Chan - Wheel of Fortune

He has a mixed opinion. He thinks some people are great, he thinks the cause in itself is great. But theres people that shit all over the place an make the whole cause look ugly and give the community a bad reputation. He thinks there's lots of good/great people in it, but he also thinks the majority of the internet community at least's full of little shits that are chronically online and just...uhhfjjgjg yeah. Idk how to express his frustration in a coherent way🥲 but yeah he has a strong opinion which is mixed.

Lee Know - The Tower, The Moon

Whmmm so idk, judging on old readings and conversation i would say he feels trapped and...well...closeted. Both cards are depicting exactly that🥲 i think he struggles to feel and be and express himself the way he is. Which is really sad. He also thinks, specifically in Korea there should be more activists and people from the community should be more vocal and be given more voice and platform on the "matter". He thinks there's way to little exposure and lots of people have a very wrong image of what the lgbtq is and thus why its so taboo and bad and evil and dirty viewed by elders especially in Korea.

Changbin - The World, 3 of Cups

I have little to nothing. I tried shiflfing multiple times even after the reading. He just didn't want to talk. After a long time of trying tho, i just got the message that he thinks we're all one and he wants to be friendly and respectfull to everyone and he can get along with anyone if he has to and if the person on the other side's also respectful to him. Even if he doesn't really like them. Tbh...i wouldn't say he's homophobic, im not getting such strong energy - but i think he's not all that into the whole thing and as he said himself, he is respect to everyone initially (until proven otherwise) and believes we all have out own right to live our life the way we want, he can be friendly with them/work with them etc, but i don't think he really understands and is all that open and accepting as for example chan seems. I think thats also why he kept quite for so long, i don't think he wanted me to know/pick up on his reservations about the matter.

Hyunjin - Ace of Swords, 6 of Pentacles

I think he would be someone that could be an activist in the future in some way or form. I think he's very supportive and i think he likes like, buying from lgbtq owned brands, or hiring lgbtq choreographer os stylist or whatever, i think he also likes supporting the cause in that way as well. I think he has opinions and i think he's actually someone to talk a lot about it when asked or if a conversation is being opened.

Han - 7 of Wands

I think he either identifies himself with the community or he has thought about it. Either or i think he is aware of lots of things going on within the community and as i said - identifies on some

Felix - King of Wands, 9 of Cups

I think those are his people! I think he feels very welcome and comfortable in a company like that, wether in real life or online. I think he enjoys the diversity and also enjoys the attention(?) idk what that exactly means but yeah he definitely enjoys the attention and positive confirmation and acknowledgement he gets in circles like that. I would say probably at school or his sisters or current circles habe lots of lgbtq people and so he's very used to/familiar with the slang, humor, dynamics etc of the community and yeah - feels, i would say either most, or very comfortable in circles like that.

Seungmin - 10 of Swords

I don't think he's very supportive. Idk if he's religious or not but im hearing "sin"🥲 And i think he has some abstract, old fashioned believes about it, like its a result of too many sins in past lives and now the people are being punished by being born as "freaks"🫠 or that those people are mentally ill or tortured in a way to have such perverted/crooked preferences. Or that its a form of self harm, torturing yourself into such an unnatural life like that🫣omg ok i think im gonna leave it at that im feeling very uncomfortable reading further into that!🥲didn't expect such strong, sharp, radical energy tbh. But on the other hand i kinda did. But still it shocked me🫣

I.N - 10 of Pentacles, King of Swords

I don't think he's all that into it, and i would say he has some prejudice but if there's a long term couple or a family and they seem happy and have kids or pets or whatever and just live their cute little happy life together - who is it hurting?! Love is love and love is beautiful💗 but i think he might be influenced either by his own experience or word of mouth or media or whatever, that lgbtq community in general is scandalous, perverted, filthy and just toxic and not a role model for young people to see and follow or be influenced by. Im also hearing "they aren't modest" and like they have a fault but don't have the decency to hide it and pretend but shove it in your face. Something like that. I think he might have some prejudices like that, but overall he isn't strongly against the community, but he's also not a supporter. And if he sees pure forms of love - no matter the sexuality of the couple he appreciates it. Cuz love is love and love is beautiful!

[autistichalsin]

I have seriously started typing and then deleted it four times, because I am so frightened that any tiny miswording will get this post mocked, or have people doubt my sincerity. I think I'm going to just have to tell myself to go ahead and post it, hoping that it will stay in the circle of people who know me well enough through my posts to read this as it is meant to be read, and to quietly acknowledge that if anyone uses this as a chance to mock or snark, it says more about them than me.

So here goes; this is a message to all of the survivors who read my posts.

First, to the ones who have reached out to me: thank you. You may not realize it, but you're actually kind of giving me a gift when you do that. Because when you do that, you're not only telling me that you trust me enough to share this with me, which honestly makes me feel honored, but you're also helping me. You're making me feel less alone, too, and you're sort of... well, if you guys deserve healing (you do), then I guess I do, too, even if I still have this voice in my head that maybe feels like what happened to me was a weird karmic punishment for not being able to protect my loved ones when they had certain things done to them. You make me feel less alone in the weird journey I'm taking. And it's a gift to be given your stories, and trusted with them, and to be able to turn the absolute utter bullshit we were given into something good. Seriously, please don't ever apologize for sending me your stories- you're helping me just as much as the other around, maybe more. They're a gift, not some kind of, like... burden.

(Honestly I think that the proliferation of terms like "trauma dumping" have really worn out their welcome. Like, there's a conversation about boundaries to be had for sure, obviously don't go and tell people about heavy things without their permission, but that term has caused so many people to be afraid to share their authentic lived experiences with people who do want to know, who have given their consent. We need a new term that conveys the importance of consent before bringing up potentially harmful topics, but that doesn't stigmatize people asking for help. Do you guys remember that TikTok video a few years ago with the therapist saying her clients were "trauma dumping" on her? That term has got to go.)

Second, to anyone who may be lurking and wants to reach out, too: I'll be here when you're ready! And until then, know that the posts I make are for you, too.

Third, to people who aren't survivors who are on this page: thank you for being here, too. Thank you for contributing to these conversations that help remove the stigmas, that help us feel seen and supported.

Every single message I get, whether it's a request for a headcanon or fic, or a survivor's story, or something else, is really something I treasure. Whether it's a serious message or something silly, I love hearing what you guys feel you need to say! It just... I don't know. There's something that makes me really giddy about seeing an ask. Someone wanted to tell me, in particular, these things, and read my response, in particular, to it. It feels so much more personal and sweet and authentic than what Twitter cultivates.

Lastly: I JUST REALLY FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS A LOT, OKAY????

[headfullof-ideas]

Allllrighty, a long needed to be finished art piece that is now finished! And it isn’t even anything too fancy, it’s just the Nektons in my Httyd AU.

Will Nekton is the patriarch of this oddball family, descending from a lost culture known as Lemuria, myths and legends regailing Leviathan sized dragons from the deep ocean, and multiple devices that seemed to work through magical means with the science that went into them. Despite Will’s passion to discover the lost secrets of his forgotten culture, he’s a devoted husband and father to his wife and daughter, and an expert seaman. Will does everything he can to support his family, and protect them from the multiple threats they find themselves facing, from mysterious orders devoted to the same civilization Will is, to numerous sea-faring pirates that travel the sea looking for easy targets, and even wild dragons that aren’t prone to human kindness. Will is steadfast though, and welcoming to any that come within his families embrace, though his soft spot for children is somewhat influenced by the trauma of losing his and his wife’s second child several years ago. Will has complicated feelings about the Archipelago, due to the rumors that come from there, the Raiders his family encountered, and the fact that it’s the resting place of their lost newborn. Among the rumors from the Archipelago, there are new rumors of Dragon Riders within their seas. Will and his family haven’t actually seen any of these so called Dragon Riders themselves, and he’s unsure about whether the connected rumors that the riders are Dragon Trappers make them any better.

Kaiko Nekton is from further east than the rest of her family, born and raised in one of the outer Caldera’s that house different factions of the widespread Defender’s of the Wing. Trained as a Defender herself, Kaiko moved to a Caldera further toward what is known as the Savage, or Ignorant Archipelago, where rumors of Dragon Raids make their way to the rest of the world past a fog bank. Though she served as a dutiful Defender for some years, Kaiko eventually left to marry Will and later have their daughter Fontaine. Kaiko now works as a Dragoncologist, documenting as many dragons as possible, hoping to share the knowledge of dragon’s and the way they really work with people that may not know much about them. Kaiko has made herself a number of enemies however, the biggest being a certain Viggo Grimborn, who disrupts her work constantly to fuel his Dragon Trapping business. Kaiko tries not to dwell on the Archipelago and its rumors too much, thinking about that region of the world eventually leading to the reminder that it’s where she lost a baby. Kaiko doesn’t know what to think about Dragon Trappers riding dragons, and she’s skeptical that the trappers even are riding dragons. But with how many people are saying there are Dragon Riders out there now, she has no other reason to assume that the rumors are true.

Fontaine Nekton is the Nekton’s daughter, and only living child. Fontaine loves her life at sea, swimming amongst the dragons and with her family, but she does sometimes wish they spent more time on land so she can hang out with her friends more often. Fontaine is a huge fan of learning about other cultures, especially the kinds of music that they have. She loves going to festivals and listening to the songs of all the areas her family visits, and sometimes looks to the dragons flying into the air and wonders what it would be like to fly. The Order of the Guardians of Lemuria are frustrating, her estranged cousin even more so, especially when rumors of giant dragons hiding in the sea start to circulate her family’s inner circle and the markets they frequent. Fontaine didn’t know she had a little brother until she was about thirteen, and often watches the siblings she knows and wonders what it’d be like if they hadn’t lost him to some far off corner of the world. She’s skeptical about the rumors coming from the Traders that venture into the Archipelago, about Dragon Raids every night for the last three hundred years. And she’s unsure about the rumors circulating of Dragon Riders, especially when she hears rumors about two different groups; one composed of Dragon Trappers and one composed of kids her own age.

The Nektons are still a sea faring family, though instead of a submarine, they travel on a slightly larger than usual ship, still known as the Aronnax. And because they’re the Nektons, I gave them wetsuits, though they look a bit different than they do in the show. While Ant and the Dragon Riders are dealing with all of their stuff, the Nektons are dealing with some of the early stuff that happens in the show behind the scenes. Some of the show will be kept for its own season in RTTE, but some stuff Ant isn’t there for. The introduction of the Guardians, the Pirates, Alpheus, and the Monumentials for example. I drew a comic about it already, but Ant ends up arriving about three to four years late or so to his own show, and has to speed run all the lore to catch up with everyone else before continuing.

Anyways, some closeups, because I like to do them. Tap the pictures for better quality, and also have a closeup of the writing I added, as the words are kind of small

[star-anise]

Pulling a piece out of an already massive post to reply to @zenosanalytic :

Most of this is great, but I feel like this overstates the influence and power of exclusionists; they never took over either Feminist or Lesbian groups or turned them en masse against bisexuals and transpeople, at least not in the US(in Britain it's an accurate description from what I've read). They def were still there, TRYING to(they were majorly annoying in the Fair scene), and you'd meet them or lesbian-separatists moving in wider queer circles, but they were pretty consistently losing that fight especially in academic and political queer orgs and, by the 00s, were pretty much irrelevant. They stayed that way until the Conservative movement deliberately revived/coopted them in the 10s.

Because... here's the bit from the original post I think this is talking about:

That process of expelling bi women from lesbian groups with immense prejudice continues to this day and leaves scars on a lot of bi/pan people. A lot of bisexuals, myself included, have an experience of “double discrimination”; we are made to feel unwelcome or invisible both in straight society, and in LGBT spaces.

It is absolutely true that radfems did not succeed in making exclusionary politics the mainstream policy of LGBT institutions. Hooowever. That's not what I was talking about.

Most people do not engage with the LGBTQ+ community solely by, like... walking into a policy meeting at GLAAD. Generally we do things like finding LGBTQ+ content on social media, or by attending LGBTQ+ social events, or by trying to find people to date!

In those settings, groups that are minoritized within the LGBTQ+ community (bi, pan, m-spec, ace, aro, trans, nb, etc) experience being treated in ways that are invalidating or derogatory. Not all the time! #notalllesbians!! The majority of the community might actually be kind and welcoming, and it might be relatively small microaggressions. But those microaggressions can happen often enough, and in a context where not much is being done to show that we are valued by the community, to create a sense of wariness and unwelcome in a space that ought to be safe for us.

I didn't attend a single LGBTQ+ event, or try to date a single woman, my entire undergrad career, because when I was 16, the first real-life gays and lesbians I ever met laughed and joked, in my hearing, about how bisexual teenage girls are just sluts who are doing it for the attention, not actually gay. It's not that I believed them, since they were obviously wrong; it's just that I went, "Oh okay, so LGBT spaces are still ones where I'll be bullied and shit-talked. I absolutely cannot deal with any more of that, so I'll just never go into those spaces."

Mine is a very small story. There are a lot of little stories like mine, and also ones big enough that they'd look exclusionary even to an outside observer. I know people who actually did get pushed out of their college GSAs, or lost their whole social support network, or had people try to coerce them into thinking they were horrible misguided tools of the patriarchy, in LGBT spaces, because they were bi, pan, m-spec, ace, aro, trans, nb, etc.

If you'd clicked the link in the post labelled "double discrimination", you'd read an NBC article that says, in part:

“This study adds to the growing body of research confirming that bisexual people face unique mental health disparities [that are] closely related to stigma and discrimination [they face] from straight, gay and lesbian communities,” Heron Greenesmith, a senior policy analyst at LGBTQ advocacy organization Movement Advancement Project, said.

(Note: this means "unique" as compared to gays and lesbians, which have been the focus of most mental health research and practice in this area. Namely, bisexuals tend to face certain pressures as a group that cis gays and lesbians don't so much. It does not mean "unique" as in "only bisexuals experience this". Bisexuals are just one of many groups that feel unwelcome or unsafe in LGBTQ+ spaces they ought to belong in.

Maybe you didn't mean to imply that all these experiences didn't happen. I hope you didn't. Because it would be really goshdarn silly for someone who's been on Tumblr for years to suggest that the 2010s were not a fucking golden age of young LGBTQ+ people tentatively reaching out to explore their gender and sexuality, and being deluged with immense volumes of bullshit by other LGBTQ+ people for it.

I don't want to in any way discourage people from reaching out to LGBTQ+ groups, because it's very possible that the reward will far outweigh the risks. It's possible that other people will welcome you and will enforce a code of conduct against anyone who gives you shit. I'm not saying, "Hide forever! You're on your own, kid!"

But on the other hand, it is very easy, in a million different ways, to say "We didn't think very hard about making these groups feel welcome and protected in our space" without ever writing it into official policy.

[aurora-daily]

AURORA at Glastonbury 2024 on her Bring Me The Horizon collab and Wembley plans

An interview with AURORA by Andrew Trendell for NME (June 30th, 2024)

The Norwegian art-pop star told us how she and Oli Sykes "bonded over Palestine", and feeling love all around at Glasto

Shortly before she took to the stage for a blissed-out performance at The Park, the Norwegian art-pop star spoke to us backstage to share what it was like to lend her vocals to BMTH’s ‘Limousine’ from new album ‘Post Human: Nex Gen‘.

When asked about the collab earlier this month, Bring Me frontman Oli Sykes told NME: “I know what I wanted on that song and that was someone to bring something that could level it up – someone like a really ethereal, haunting, beautiful, voice,” he told NME. “I wanted someone to elevate it and take it somewhere else. The song itself is very Deftones-influenced, almost to a point of parody! For this whole record, we’re happy to admit that the songs all are very nostalgic homages to loads of bands, but it’s also felt very important that we do something where we were pushing it as well to make it our own, put our own stamp on it.

He added: “AURORA for me is what a pop star should be,  what the next wave of pop stars should look like; someone that has the songs, but is a real person who dares to speak what they believe in, who gives a shit about the world.”

NME: Hello again AURORA. Welcome back to Glastonbury.

AURORA: “It’s really nice to be back. I love this festival. It’s overwhelming. So I feel kind of glonky, you know, but I’m so excited to play. I love to be outside again. Festival season is the best.”

Glastonbury’s sense of peace, love and like reconnecting with each other seems to like tie into the themes of your new album ‘What Happened To The Heart?’. Discuss.

“Yes, discus…ting! But yes, it’s true. It feels like the the main purpose of these festivals. We need to go outside, touch the grass and feel the air and just be in touch with each other. It’s super nice to see how people are so cohesive. They even sway the same way without knowing. When the bass is high enough, you know that people’s heartbeats will beat the same ≠ you can feel it, the connection. It’s very needed. I’m very grateful.”

We just spotted a Chemical Brother backstage. They’re friends and collaborators of yours. Could they be surprise guests for your set?

“Oh, no. We work as friends now. So he’s here for emotional support. I don’t know how to do this without Tom [Rowlands].”

Since we last spoke, you collaborated with Bring Me The Horizon on ‘Limousine’. What did it mean to have that come together?

“Well, I’m a very big metal fan. I heard Bring Me The Horizon when I was a teenager. They were with me for some time. I was introduced to them by a lover. My first lover who actually died. It is sad. But it’s beautiful as well. Because now when I listen to them, and now when I made a song with him, I know that he would be just – it felt very full circle in the journey of grief.”

We heard know Oli slipped into your DMs and you kinda were like, “Fuck, yeah!”

“We bonded over Palestine. Because I was like, ‘We need to stick up for them’, and he was like, ‘Yeah, we do. It’s true’. Then he was like, “Do you want to make a song?” I was like, ‘Yes!’

Is it a sign of things to come? There are some gnarly songs on your album too. Could you go make a metal record?

“I think so. My heart won’t be complete without it so yeah, definitely. I really want to do it because I just love it so much. It’s such a force. Like a wave, a deadly wave coming at you, which is so cool. So I will, I have to for my Norwegian ancestors. Until now I’ve been purely a disappointment to them. Finally I will make them proud.”

Next year you’re playing a show at Wembley Arena. What do you have in store for that?

“I forget about that all the time. It’s huge, isn’t it? It’s crazy business. I’ll put the big guns out, metaphorically.

What are you going to do straight after your Glastonbury set?

“Drink beer. I’m immensely excited.I am terrified of this festival. It’s so fuckin’ huge. Maybe if I have a beer and I become a bit braver, I can try to see some things but I am quite terrified!”

[renlyslittlerose]

Last week was the one year anniversary of me posting my first obikin fic, and over the last year being a part of the fandom has brought me so much joy and happiness and enthusiasm once again. Some of you knew me before 2019 and were aware that I was working on my Masters in the Classics, which included a massive thesis. While working on the thesis I was also working part-time at the museum, as well as battling a few chronic illnesses - some of which still affect me today - all of which drained me physically and emotionally. When I had finished my thesis and graduated from the program I was well and truly burnt out. 

 2020 was rough for everyone, and I was contented to just exist without doing much of anything that could be seen as creatively productive. But then 2020 came and passed and I thought maybe I should get back on the saddle, and started working on my own original story. I fell off of social media, didn’t interact in fandom, and tried to grind out a story that wasn’t working like I had hoped it would. 2021 and I still wasn’t ‘feeling it’; I had gone from writing about 1-2k words a day to 500 words a week - if I was lucky. A part of me wondered if I was tapped out for good, that I didn’t have it in me anymore, and that my thesis was my last creative outlet - my last hooray.  I know it sounds a bit dramatic, but when you go from creating almost every day since you were sixteen years old, to suddenly believe that the well has run dry is terrifying. Maybe I was done for good - maybe I wouldn’t create something I was proud of.

And then Kenobi came out. I was a massive prequels fan since I was nine years old and the Phantom Menace came out, and an even bigger Darth Vader fan, but I had never interacted with the fandom in any meaningful way. I was contented to just watch the films and the shows and leave it at that. But as I was watching I had the epiphany that Obi-Wan and Anakin were actually ~roommates all along. I started reading obikin fic, came back on tumblr to see what sort of fandom there was, and suddenly found myself with ideas again, and a desire to create something. 

So I wrote my first fic ‘Sacred to the Gods’ based off of a thesis I wrote during my undergrad about the psychology of a Greek demigod. It took me about a week to write, but in that time I had a lot of fun - the words started to come more easily, the vibes were there, and the passion was slowly but surely returning. One fic turned into another, and then another, and suddenly I had written two multi-chaptered long-form fics, some shorter multi-chaptered ones, and a bunch of oneshots, all about our favourite duo. 

And in the that span of time, not only was I able to rediscover my passion for writing and feel inspired again, but I met so many amazing, incredible, kind, passionate, creative people who welcomed me with open arms. I was used to fandom being sort of a gate-keepy thing, where if you were the new kid in town it would take you a while to work your way into any circles. But it didn’t happen with this fandom. I went up to a few people, held out my macaroni art, and was overjoyed to see them take it and immediately put it up on their fridge.

There are a lot of people I want to thank, and I should thank, from those who read my stuff, those who send me asks on tumblr, those who bookmark and kudos and comment, and those who followed me, but there isn’t any space to do all that. So I hope that a general ‘THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU’ will suffice. Thank you for giving me my passion back, thank you for supporting me, thank you for being an awesome community that has it’s issues, but still cares deeply about the art they’re creating, and who care about fostering a community. 

However, there are a few people I would specifically like to address, because I don’t think this post would be complete without you. I’ll put it behind a cut because this post is already cumbersome:

@bi-wan || My beloved! You were the first person to follow me on tumblr after reading one of my fanfictions, and the first to reach out to me to be my friend. Thank you for reaching your hand out to me and dragging me into the fold. Because of you I’ve made so many good friends who I treasure dearly - including you. 🥰

@ragnarlothcat || I feel like you and Cam are a packaged deal, and so I thank you for being curious about me and checking out my work, and for allowing me to occupy both you and Cam’s comfy little raccoon haven. You’re so supportive, and your work was some of the first I read in the fandom which truly secured my desire to be a part of it. Thank you 💖

@intermundia || I’ve told you this before, but you were the first person I approached in the fandom when I decided I wanted to dip my toes into the experience, and your warmth and welcoming nature secured my desires to be a part of this group. The fact that you support my stories and are so passionate about it really fuels my desires to keep creating (as well as feeding my ego). Thank you for being such a good presence in the fandom.👑

@theseptemberist || I have a feeling that Will told you about me, and I am so glad that he did because we’ve struck up such a friendship that I can’t see myself without. Our chats on discord over the past few months have been wonderful in so many ways that are too innumerous to say here. Thank you for sharing your heart, and for being so kind and empathetic. And thank you for sharing your encyclopedic knowledge of fandom tea ☕

@unspuncreature || Just like Rag and Cam come as a team, you and Cal (and Wren, even though I’ve never spoken to her but feel like I know her) are the trio that delight and entertain. Thank you for your brilliant art and creativity, thank you for letting me bounce all my ideas off of you, and thank you for collaborating with me. You’re brilliant 💗

@kyberkenobi || Beyond the fact that your filthy brain inspires me and delights me, and the fact that you’re willing to goed me on when I come up with something that’s delightfully nasty, your maturity when it comes to fandom is refreshing. At the threat of sounding like a proud grandma, you’re still so young and yet you’ve got a lot of shit figured out - most importantly, that fandom is supposed to be for fun and write what you want to write. Can’t wait for us to finally collaborate one of these days 💕

@dininginspace || What can I say? You’re a delight, you’re incredibly funny, you’re kind and understanding, and you’re the best cheerleader a loser like me could ask for. The fact that you jumped on the Buffy bandwagon when I drove by on it secures you as one of my favourite people. Thank you so much for your early and continued support 🧛‍♂️

@nuandia || Thank you for chatting with me all the time; keep up your writing, it’s brilliant and worth it, even if you doubt it sometimes. 💖

@grapenehifics || I had just finished watching MASH when you commented on Moonlight Serenade. The noise I made when I saw your username, followed by the continued joy I get whenever I see you on my dash or in my inbox, or when I see you’ve posted something new for the world to enjoy. 🧡

@palfriendpatine66 || You’re a delight. You’ve got things figured out, and how you can write so much with the life you’ve got is incredible. Keep going - you’re a gem. 💎

@binaryeclipse || Love chatting with you on discord, and being able to throw out random things about Canada into the chat that doesn’t need explaining - you just get it. Especially when it comes to Alberta politics. It doesn’t always feel like a safe space out there when you’re an Albertan who loves her province but also hates so many things about it, but you make me feel as if I can be a contradictory mess and still feel as if I belong in Canada. Your muse will come back soon, I trust in this ✨

@treescape || Your work is sublime and an inspiration. I read your fics first when I went hunting for things to read, and was immediately captivated. When you followed me back and weren’t at all weirded out by me bounding over to you like an excitable golden retriever, I was very grateful - I am very grateful. Can’t wait to see what you create next. 💛

@starsdies || Thank you for listening to me; thank you for being so inspiring; thank you for helping with community events and exchanges. And thank you for streaming The Last of Us for me because I’m too cheap to buy HBO Max. 🙏

@tessiete || You fact-checked the details I put into Moonlight and all I can say is THANK YOU. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting too lost in the details, but its people like you who google that shit that makes me feel good about my obsessions. 🌸