#feel guilty. but i know the voice is wrong it's just hard to internalize

[lyraa-kill]

Sick and Twisted Bastard

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 l Chapter 5

Tags: Stalker Simon "Ghost" Riley, Trans John “Soap" MacTavish, Top Simon "Ghost" Riley, Bottom John "Soap" MacTavish, Dom Simon “Ghost" Riley, Sub John "Soap" MacTavish, Stalking, Consensual Non-Consent, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Masturbation, Vaginal Fingering, johnny can't make himself cum, Kidnapping, Knives, John is okay with Simon's stalking, John is a little freak too, Voyeurism, Hidden Cameras, Bondage, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Cunnilingus, Spanking, Painplay, Internalized Transphobia, Self-Harm, Murder, They really match each others freak, Squirting and Vaginal Ejaculation, Biting, pussy slapping, Face Slapping, Blood, Choking

——

The bath water is warm, relaxing Johnny’s body in ways he didn’t know he needed. As he lays in the tub, his head resting on Simon’s lap who sits on the ledge, he realizes he was holding so much tension in himself that it became his new normal. Simon was right. He really did need to be brought to this new home, even if it had to be done by force.

“Alright, Johnny?” Simon questions, running his fingers through Johnny’s mohawk.

“Mhm,” Johnny hums, his brain fuzzy and floaty and making him incapable of speech.

Simon is gentle with him. He gently washes his hair, scrubs all the dirt and grime and sweat off of Johnny’s body, and even gives him a little massage afterwards. Johnny lets himself be taken care of. It’s foreign to him, and something inside himself tells him to not let his guard down, but he pushes that thought away. Simon wouldn’t hurt him. Everything that man has done has been for Johnny’s good. He’s sure that even if Simon started to do something Johnny didn’t want him to, it would still be good for him, that he was in the wrong for feeling that way.

Johnny nuzzles his face into Simon’s thigh, relishing in the way his soft skin feels against his face. He never realized just how large Simon was before now. On base, he always thought the man was made so big looking because of all of his gear and the layers of his clothes, but no, Simon was a BIG guy. One of his thighs is almost double the size of Johnny’s face, his arms packed with muscle on top of muscle. Johnny was muscular in his own regard, definitely not someone that could be considered small, but next to Simon he looked like a dwarf.

Johnny is falling in love with it. He loves the idea of being able to lay back and let this big, strong man take control and protect him. He doesn’t need to be the mean and scary Sergeant MacTavish. He’s just Johnny, and Johnny loves being treated like a big baby.

When Simon gets him out of the bath, he dries him off with a nice big fluffy towel that feels like silk against Johnny’s skin.

After he’s all dry, Simon wraps the towel around his body, arms included, and holds him close to his chest. A small part of him feels guilty over what he did to him that morning. Johnny had said no, but he had kept going. Just… god, the sight of him laid out on the bed, completely helpless and tied down, his body practically begging to be touched… Simon had snapped. It had been so hard to restrain himself from burying to the hilt inside Johnny and jackhammering away at him when he saw him start to cry. He had wanted nothing more than to fucking rape him and use him, make him little more than a toy for his own entertainment.

“You feelin’ okay after this morning?” Simon asks, his voice gruff.

Johnny takes a minute to respond, words too hard for his brain, but he says, “Yeah. I really needed that. You always know what’s best f’me, Simon.”

Simon smiles and kisses the top of Johnny’s head. “Course I do. I’d never do anything to hurt you, baby.” He cups Johnny’s face and make him meet his gaze, their faces inches apart as he says, “I always know what you need and I’ll be more than happy to give it to you, okay? Just gotta trust me. You shouldn’t resist me when you know I’m right and just doing what’s best.”

Johnny nods. “Okay, Si,” he whispers, his voice feather-light.

They kiss softly, their lips matching together like puzzle pieces. They stand there and enjoy each other's contact for several minutes before Johnny starts to shiver. Simon notices this, and says “Let’s go get you dressed.”

Johnny is surprised to see all his clothes sitting in the dresser, but then he smiles and shakes his head. Of course Simon would do that. He remembers everything, down to the very minute detail.

Simon reaches for a pair of Johnny’s sweats before he’s interrupted by hands snaking around his waist. “Can I wear your clothes?” Johnny asks.

Simon smiles. “Course. Might be too big on you, though.”

Eventually Johnny gets dressed in a pair of Simon’s joggers and a hoodie which seems to swallow him. He loves it. For the first time, he feels comfort in being small and vulnerable.

Simon leads him downstairs to the kitchen, pulling out a chair for him to sit at the table. Johnny does, looking around at the cabin as Simon starts to make breakfast. Everything is decorated just as he would’ve done it. The space feels almost cottage-y and Victorian the way everything goes together and makes Johnny feel as though this home is warm, happy, bright, full of laughter and smiles.

He’s never had a home like that. He grew up in a run-down pile of bricks full of constant screaming and fighting. It’s nice.

Simon notices Johnny looking around and says, “Do you like it? I… well, I’m sure you know now that I know more about you than you’ve told me. I tried to make it seem like the home I know you’ve been wanting.”

Johnny nods. “I love it,” he speaks softly, “It’s perfect.”

Simon’s heart swells. He’s… proud of himself, for the first time in a while. He can’t remember the last time when he felt good about his accomplishments and not shame or loathing for himself. Maybe that’s because previously, everything he did worthy of merit or praise resulted in death. Maybe he didn’t want to feel good about that.

He doesn’t mind feeling good for making his Johnny happy though.

The monster in him flickers again, disappearing for a few seconds longer than it did last time.

Maybe Johnny is the thing he needs to heal, the thing that will help him become himself again after the torture he was put though. Simon doesn’t even know what he was like before everything happened to him; he was so young. But maybe Johnny can help him find out who.

Maybe Simon can help Johnny find out who he is, too.

Breakfast is served a few minutes later, fried eggs and tomatoes with toast. Simon eats slowly, but Johnny wolfs it down like he was starving. Simon makes a mental note to make more for lunch and dinner later so Johnny doesn’t go hungry.

When Johnny is finished, he looks down at his plate with a strange expression on his face.

“Am I… I’m weird for this, aren’t I?” he asks.

Simon looks up at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

Johnny laughs a little bit. “I’m sitting here eating breakfast with the guy who kidnapped me and I don’t feel like I’m in any danger. I feel happy, actually. I’m… I’m realizing that I’m not really mad about it at all, that this actually makes me love you even more.”

All in all, Johnny has had a lot of conflicting feelings in the last three hours. He was angry, terrified, in love and happy, then terrified again. Then he was happy again, now he’s elated and his heart is swelling with love.

He’s just now realizing how unlike regular people he is. A common man would’ve gone screaming and running by now, would still be putting up a fight and making up escape plans in his head. Johnny isn’t as normal as he thought.

He always felt that yeah, he had a shitty childhood. His parents sucked and a bunch of stuff happened to him that shouldn’t have. But he thought that it hadn’t affected him that deeply, that he was still capable of functioning like a person that had never gone through anything more traumatic than a broken bone or two. It’s… a shock, to realize that it’s not the case. To realize that maybe he was so desperate to be loved and taken care of all these years that he’s been turned into this… thing… that will take any affection, no matter how deranged, and cherish it, love it back even.

He doesn’t mind that, he realizes.

“You don’t have to feel ashamed about it, baby,” Simon stands up and walks over to Johnny, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his face into his torso. “I love you too, okay? There’s nothing wrong with being in love with someone that loves you back. There’s nothing wrong with having, well, different ways to show you love someone. I had to realize that too.”

Johnny nods. If Simon says it’s okay, he’ll trust him. He’ll always believe whatever he tells him.

“Okay,” he mumbles into the fabric of his shirt, “Just- maybe ask me next time you wanna break into my house and kidnap me? I’d follow you anywhere, Si. I’ll always do whatever you want me to with a smile. Just ask next time, okay?”

Simon smiles as he presses his face into Johnny’s hair. “Okay, baby,” he says.

———

The next few days are spent in an odd, yet comforting, domestic bliss. Johnny and Simon wake up every morning wrapped up in each other, kiss the other awake, then see if anything happens from there. Yesterday, Johnny had sucked Simon off while they were 69’ing and his cunt was buried into Simon’s mouth.

Today, Johnny woke up naked and bound again, Simon’s face pressed into his pussy.

He smiles as he lightly tugs on his restraints. It’s a nice feeling to be so vulnerable yet know that nothing bad will happen.

“Fuck, Simon-“ Johnny groans after his eyes manage to fully open, “Thought you got enough of me- s-shit- last night.”

Growling, Simon shakes his head. “I’ll never get enough of you, baby,” he mumbles into Johnny’s cock.

He slowly swirls his tongue around the tip of the short length, watching as Johnny’s eyes roll back, then cups the underside with his tongue as he sucks. He’s completely pussy drunk, obsessed with the sweet nectar that pours out of his hole and how ruined Johnny can get with only a few touches. Simon knows that that’s probably only because Johnny is still pent up after being denied for so long, but he can’t help but be a little egotistical and think that maybe he’s just that good at pleasing this boy.

Simon continues his assault, greedily sucking Johnny for everything that he’s worth. He loves watching the way all the tension leaves Johnny’s body and he’s left a pliant toy ready for Simon to do whatever he wants. He loves the feeling of owning him completely, able to caress or crush him, give him pleasure or give him pain, anything he wishes. Because he owns Johnny. That’s his boy, and he gets to play with him however he wants. And Johnny will let him, so eager to make him happy and give up all control.

It further cements the idea in Simon’s head that they were made for each other.

Johnny cums once, that time only with Simon’s mouth, and twice, with lips around his cock and three fingers buried inside him. Just as he’s being worked up to the third one, Simon stops, a teasing smile on his face.

“Simonnnn,” he groans, “You know I don’t like edging.”

“Can’t help it baby,” Simon says, running his slick soaked hands up and down Johnny’s body, “You look so pretty when you get frustrated and start to cry.”

Johnny quickly found out that edging was a double edged sword two days prior. It was pure agonizing torture as Simon brought him right up to orgasm but didn’t let him finish six times, but after he had been allowed to come (he had to beg and scream for it incessantly), his orgasm was so good he blacked out for a solid minute.

Simon sits up and straddles Johnny’s stretched out legs. His erection is monstrous, visibly throbbing and straining as it reaches towards his mid thigh.

“Baby?” Simon asks, “I’m gonna fuck you now, yeah? I need it so bad and I’ve been waiting for so long. I know you need it too. Just trust me, doll.”

Johnny is scared. Simon is huge, and he’s a complete virgin. A large part of him is still apprehensive, but he knows Simon wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. He knows that Johnny is ready for it even if he doesn’t think so; he trusts Simon to know what’s best for him.

So, instead of saying he’s scared and telling Simon to stop, he makes an attempt to spread his legs wider and says, “Please, fuck me Simon.”

He’ll be thankful and happy for it later.

Simon completely crushes Johnny with his body weight as he leans on top of him and crashes their lips together, grinding his cock down into his stomach.

Only a few moments later and Simon is undoing the chains keeping Johnny’s legs tied to the bedposts, and instead tying them behind his head. He’s completely exposed and way more vulnerable in this position than he was before. He fucking loves it.

Simon places a gentle hand on Johnny’s hip as he rubs his tip against his aching slit. Johnny’s heart is in his throat, so nervous he thinks he’s about to pass out. Is it gonna hurt? Is he gonna bleed? Will he tear, even?

Simon senses Johnny’s nerves and cups his cheek, rubbing his thumb against his skin. “Relax for me sweet boy. I promise I won’t hurt you.”

Johnny sighs and nuzzles his face into Simon’s hand. At his command, the rest of his tension and nerves leaves his body. He doesn’t need to be scared. If Simon says everything will be fine, then everything will be fine.

Slowly Simon starts to push in, stopping when the tip and an inch or so is inside.

Johnny gasps, his eyes going wide. The stretch. It burns, feels like he’s being ripped in half, but by god he loves it; it hurts so deliciously. His heart pounds in his chest as Simon sinks further in him, molding his cunt to fit him and him alone.

“Ohmygodfucksimon-“ Johnny exclaims, his eyes screwing shut, “fuckfuckfuckfuck oh my GOD-“

Simon hold Johnny’s face with both his hands. “Shhh, look at me baby. Look at me.” Johnny does. “You’re doing so fucking good for me. Taking me so well. You can do it baby, I know you can.”

Johnny nods. If Simon says he can, then he can.

“It’s halfway in, doll. Just a bit more to go.”

Johnny bites his lip and whines at that. Only halfway? He feels like he’s being impaled.

Simon slowly works himself in deeper and deeper, reassuring Johnny the whole time. Eventually he’s buried to the hilt, his balls pressed against that perfect ass.

“It’s all the way in now angel,” he says, “you’re taking me so well. ‘M so proud of you.”

Johnny blushes and his mouth breaks out into a goofy smile. He did it. And, fuck, it feels so good. He wants Simon to keep his cock buried in him forever.

He knew he would realize he was ready for this eventually. Simon is doing exactly what he needs even if Johnny doesn’t know it and is afraid of it.

As he lays there, Simon’s cock pressing right into his cervix, his mind breaks completely. All apprehension and fear he had left is gone. All that exists now is his desire to submit completely and give up his entire body, his autonomy as a being to Simon. He’s not scared of it anymore. He knows he’ll be taken care of. He won’t be hurt.

Fuck. He never thought being someone’s sub bitch could feel so good.

“Fuck me, please Si,” Johnny begs, “Use me however you want. Do whatever you want to me. Just fuck me please.”

Simon wickedly grins. “Yeah? That stupid little brain of yours knows you’re all mine now, huh? My little plaything? My little toy I get to rape and violate however I want?”

“Yes! Yes, please Simon! Do whatever you want- fuck- just use me. Hit me. Slap me. Bite me. Hurt me. I don’t care, just fucking use me.”

At those words Simon starts thrusting into Johnny, bullying his cunt with his massive cock. Johnny’s eyes roll back as electric shocks of pleasure and pain cascade up his body, melting his mind.

Johnny is so much more tight than Simon thought he would be. His greedy cunt is gripping his cock for all it’s worth, almost refusing to let it slide out when he tries to thrust. Simon has never had an issue with cumming prematurely, but he now just might, because he already feels like he’s so close to cumming.

As he fucks into Johnny, Simon takes what the boy had said earlier literally. He slams his hands down onto his ass, bites at his thighs so hard it draws blood, slaps him across the face when he says it hurts too much.

Simon was wrong before. He does want to hurt Johnny. But it’s fine, because Johnny wants it too.

Johnny is losing his mind, feeling like his consciousness is slipping in and out of reality. Simon is making him feel so good he thinks he’s about to see heaven. Every time he’s spanked, slapped, bit, his hair is pulled, it’s complete bliss. It hurts so fucking bad but he feels so much joy at knowing Simon is using him, that he’s completely and utterly owned.

He comes three times before Simon does his first. The man is relentless, growling through it and pulling Johnny’s head back by his hair and spitting into his mouth before locking him in a kiss, biting his lip so hard blood coats the insides of both of their mouths.

Simon keeps going, aching to get his fill of his boy since he’s been starved of it for so long. It feels like hours before he finally lets up, panting as he leans back and his cock slips out, a flood of cum pouring out of Johnny.

He smiles as he looks at his boy’s ruined form. He’s covered in bite marks and hickeys, blood and bruises. His voice is hoarse from screaming so much, begging Simon for god know’s what. Simon’s smile turns wicked as he slaps Johnny’s cunt, making him jolt and throw his head back as he screams. Simon lays into it, ruthlessly smacking Johnny’s pussy just because he can and he loves the way he screams.

When he’s finished, his cunt is bright red and throbbing.

Johnny smiles.

[hunysckle]

shan't be reblogging a certain post bc it makes me too sad but i will share my thoughts in the tags here. tw for medical events (strokes) and mentions of death

[captain039]

Unconventional Alpha

Alpha!Viktor x omega!reader

IM STILL WRITING BLOOD, FUR AND MAGIC DONT WORRY XD

Warnings: Heats, suppressants, AOB, light swearing, Viktor’s not dying but still disabled, reader has chronic pain, plus size reader, nesting, Older Viktor, Professor Viktor, artistic reader, age gap reader is in their 20s +

The sound of pen against paper filled the room along with the voice of the professor. You glance around at the other students eagerly taking in the presentation hosted by Professor Viktor. This was a mandatory presentation, one you wouldn’t have gone to but here you are scribbling in your notebook all the same. These chairs were highly uncomfortable, you were changing position every five minutes because your hips and back were protesting against the hard wooden chair. At least you could bring a pillow to your classes and actually be comfortable. You see a few others not paying attention as well, some in your classes of art others from the engineering side you think. You know of Professor Viktor he’s well known around the academy and his partner Professor Jayce Talis, there’s a whole history with them making the academy what it is today. Hex tech is a marvel of science infused into everyday items now. The rumours surrounding them range from them being secret mages to them being mates. When the presentation finishes you’re thankful, eager to leave this place and get to your class. What was going to be a quick escape turned into you waiting for the whole class to leave. The professor had requested to speak to you, once everyone had filed out you approached his desk.

“You seemed uninterested in my presentation” he says and you grimace a bit.

“I’m sorry Professor, it’s not my interest” you explain and he nods giving you a once over.

“Art?” He asks.

“That easy to tell?” You ask and he smiles a bit shaking his head.

“Nothing at all about the progress of hex tech interests you?” He asks and you shake your head feeling guilty.

“Even those who don’t take my course find some of it interesting” he comments moving around his desk before leaning against his resting his cane nearby. You catch a little bit of his scent up close, spiced coffee, amber and the smell of scientists and an alpha undertone. You found it odd you picked him as a beta or even an omega.

“Something wrong?” He asks head tilting slightly and you realise you’re making a face.

“No, sorry just in thought, it is interesting I guess, just not to me?” You make another grimace face.

“Your honesty is appreciated” he chuckles.

“I like to gather unique perspectives and opinions, from my students, though it seems you are clearly unmoved by my presentation” he teases and you flush with embarrassment, you don’t know what to say or how to respond, you’re starting to wonder if you should’ve just lied.

“I’ll let you return to your arts Miss Y/l/n” he says standing up again moving behind his desk and sitting down.

“Good day,” he says.

“You too” you mutter and leave. What a horrible interaction. You groan internally and trudge to your art class. You relax once you’re there, your little corner of artistic heaven, there are only six students in this room and it only fills when there are assignments or your professor shows you some new tricks. There are two other people in today, you’ve forgotten their names already, not that it matters, there aren’t group projects or many means of interaction. You put in your earphones before you begin, putting on some music before you get lost in your painting. You paint for hours, getting lost in your own world, occasionally stopping for a snack or drink before starting up again. The sun begins to set by the time you break out of it, rolling your chair back and looking at your work before you stop your music and begin to pack up. You glance around the room spotting a figure at the door, Professor Viktor, he catches your eyes before he walks off making you frown a bit before continuing to pack.

You head to the dorm wing, your body aching as it always does after a long day of sitting. You take two pain medications to ease some of the pain though you’re starting to think it hardly does anything. On your way to the dorm wing, you see Professor Viktor and Professor Talis in the courtyard chatting to each other. Professor Talis seems enthused about something while Professor Viktor listens attentively before his eyes move to you like he knows you are there. There’s a small twitch of his lips and you blink before turning away and rushing back to your room. You shake your head slugging your bag off your shoulder before falling on your bed with a small sigh. You grumble grab a heating pad from your bedside table and lie on your stomach activating it and putting it on your lower back. You sigh in relief at the warmth spreading through your lower body. You hug your pillow close and close your eyes letting exhaustion take over before you’re asleep too quickly.

You wake up sometime later, around 8, you groan and push off your bed the heat pad falling to the floor making you grumble, but leave it not being bothered to pick it up just yet. Your stomach grumbles and you grab your keys and pass before locking and leaving your room. You head to the cafeteria, it’s dark out now, and only a few students and professors around the academy. The cafeteria is open 24/7 with the help of hex-powered robots, though sometimes you question their cooking. You order a meal and sit down at one of the tables running a hand through your hair. You probably shouldn’t have napped, but what the hell, you always need more sleep.

“Evening” You jump a bit at the voice looking to who it came from. Professor Viktor gives a small smile again leaning against his cane but standing tall.

“May I?” He asks gesturing to the seat in front of you.

“Oh, yeah sure” You nod and watch him sit down.

“Late dinner” he comments.

“I fell asleep when I got back to my room” you shrug.

“I see” he hums.

“You?” You ask.

“Science never sleeps” he says and you nod typical scientist thing to say. You glance around noting a few other late-night students, some from the engineering department and some from the science department.

“Would you not rather sit with your pupils?” You ask as he follows your gaze.

“Mr Fischer is a fine young inventor, however, I find myself drawn to your lack of interest” you want to groan at his bringing up of the presentation today. Your food comes over interrupting the talking briefly.

“Tell me, young artist, why does my hex tech bore you so much?” He doesn’t beat around the bush and you tense.

“It doesn’t bore me” you try to explain even though it really does bore you and you have no idea what any of it means.

“Don’t lie to me, it’s very easy to see” he smiles unoffended.

“Ok fine it does, but I just don’t like numbers, equations, all that boring science and math stuff” You sigh poking at your food before taking a bite.

“I see, does art not require equations and math?” He asks.

“Well sort of, but not that kind of scribbled stuff” You feel bad for being blunt but the professor chuckles.

“I could say art is scribbled stuff” he repeats your words and you sigh.

“Some of it is” you mumble looking at your food instead. You take a small breath catching his scent again, it makes you falter it was strange for such a strong scent to come from him to you.

“I have seen your work” he says and you frown.

“You have?” You ask.

“Oh yes, the piece in the council room is remarkable” You flush a bit at his praise but it is one of your best works and for it to be in such a place is probably your highest achievement.

“You capture emotions so well” he adds. Your piece is based on the older times of two lovers torn by different worlds. Him a low-born farmer and she is a lady of high society.

“A heartbreak of lovers” he says and you study him for a moment.

“Didn’t expect me to appreciate the finer things?” He asks and you instantly look back to your food.

“No, I just figured you would be interested in scribbling,” you say.

“Your work is hardly scribble” The way he says it sends a shiver up your spine, defending.

“Took me weeks to complete that painting,” you say.

“I can imagine” he answers.

“But I do have a respect for such things, to create with colours, brushes and a canvas, it’s fascinating” he says and now you feel worse for saying his presentation is boring.

“Your work… it isn’t boring,” you say.

“Oh?” He asks as you fiddle with your food some more.

“It’s revolutionary, changed the world and many lives” you explain.

“I know that, but what is it to you?” He asks and you tense looking to his honey-coloured eyes.

“You won’t offend me with your opinions Miss Y/l/n, I’ve had lots of negative comments in my time as a scientist, I can take it” he smiles.

“Why does it matter what I think?” You ask.

“I’m just some art student” you shrug.

“Hardly” he whispers and it makes you shiver again.

“Think about it, if you truly cannot find anything interesting in my work I will leave it be” he offers.

“Alright,” you answer.

Next part ->

[solarmorrigan]

For the angst prompt if you’re still doing it:

“Don’t listen to them. Don’t you EVER listen to them.”

Please

Hello! I'm afraid this one might not have come out quite as seriously as the others (might be channeling all my Serious Angst Energy into my ongoing fic at the moment), but hopefully it's enjoyable, anyway??

[No warnings except maybe some unkind self-directed internal dialogue from Steve]

-

“Y’know,” Eddie drawls, looking Steve up and down where he’s standing in the doorway, silhouetted by the light of the front hall, “correct me if I’m wrong, but you don’t look especially busy.”

Steve, caught out in a lie, clearly having been sitting around at home in his sweats when he’d specifically told Eddie that he couldn’t come over tonight because he was busy, does the only thing he can think of: he keeps lying.

“I am,” he says.

“Uh huh.” The way Eddie draws the hum of his agreement out says that he doesn’t believe Steve in the slightest. “And what, if I may ask, are you busy with, dressed in loungewear and sitting at home?”

Scrambling, Steve reaches for the first excuse that comes to mind, something he’d heard his mother say to someone over the phone years ago, when he was still a kid and she’d still made excuses to get out of social engagements and stay home with him.

“I’m washing my hair.”

Eddie bites down on a laugh so quickly and so visibly, Steve is surprised his teeth don’t go right through his lip.

“Are you?” Eddie asks, voice gone high and tight with mirth.

“Yep,” Steve answers.

“Well, damn, I don’t know why you didn’t invite me along to help,” Eddie says, grinning at Steve. “I feel like I’ve proven my skill in that arena before.”

Steve stares at Eddie, mouth working, feeling slow and useless and out of ideas. “Uh…”

With a sigh, Eddie lets his smile drop. “Look, can I come inside?”

The jig is up, so Steve just nods and steps aside to let Eddie in.

“What are you even doing here?” Steve asks as he leads the way back to the living room, where he’d been sitting on the couch and moping.

“Steve, I knew you weren’t busy tonight. You’re kind of a terrible liar,” Eddie says.

And that isn’t strictly true; Steve is a great liar – as long as he doesn’t feel guilty about it. He’s never been good at lying to people he loves.

They sit down; Steve shoves the magazines he’d been pretending he would actually be able to focus on out of the way (more proof of his pathetic attempt at a lie), and Eddie—ever blunt, ever direct—jumps right in.

“So I kind of feel like you’ve been avoiding me lately.”

Steve winces. “Not avoiding you, I’ve just been… limiting my time with you.”

Eddie looks stricken, and Steve would like to die, actually. Why did he phrase it that way?

“Did… I do something, or say something, or, like–”

“No!” Steve rushes to reassure him. “No, no, not at all, it’s nothing you did, you’re amazing, it’s not you, it’s…”

Eddie cocks an eyebrow at him. “It’s not me, it’s you?”

“I mean…” Steve sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Kind of, yeah.”

For a long moment, Eddie sits, brows furrowed, staring at Steve. Steve fights the urge to squirm under the intensity of his gaze.

“I’m trying super hard to figure out what’s going on right now, but I’m kind of coming up blank,” Eddie finally admits. “Are we… Are we breaking up?”

“No!” Steve blurts again, reaching this time for Eddie’s hands, as if he can keep Eddie from realizing what a goddamn idiot he is and leaving if he just holds on tightly enough. “Shit, no, that’s – I’m completely fucking this up, that’s the opposite of what I want to happen, that’s why I’ve been limiting my time with you.”

Though Eddie’s hands have turned in Steve’s grip, automatically holding onto him, he stares at Steve as though he’s lost his mind, which is fair. “Okay,” Eddie says slowly, “I admit you have a little more experience with relationships than I do, but isn’t the point to spend as much time as possible with the person you’re dating? Because you like them?”

“It’s… Usually, I guess, yeah.” Steve shrugs, suddenly wishing maybe that he hadn’t taken Eddie’s hands, because now he can’t get away, can’t duck out from under those dark, searching eyes. He settles for staring down at their joined hands as he speaks. “It’s just – I can be… kind of a lot? I like someone and I just kind of slam my foot on the gas and don’t look back and that’s too much, I know, so I’ve been trying not to, like, overwhelm you, because I really, really don’t want you to get sick of me, and–”

“Who the hell told you that?” Eddie cuts in sharply.

Steve’s eyes snap back up, finding Eddie looking so thoroughly offended that he’s not sure what to make of it. “Told me what?”

“That you’re too much,” Eddie presses, his hands going tighter around Steve’s.

“Uh,” Steve says, uncertain of what kind of answer Eddie’s looking for. The fact that Steve goes all-in too quickly is just common knowledge; the fact that it overwhelms and annoys people is kind of a general consensus.

Eddie shakes his head. “Never mind, it doesn’t even matter. Don’t listen to them. Don’t you ever listen to them,” he says, low and intense. “You’re not going to overwhelm me, Steve. I can’t get enough of you. I don’t think I’ll ever have enough of you, but the only way I’m gonna know for sure is if I get to have you around as often as possible for as long as you can stand me.”

The words, for a moment, don’t make any sense. No one has ever wanted Steve around that much; no one’s ever met him where he is in terms of hunger for companionship.

“You… want me around that often?” he asks, eyes flicking from Eddie’s face to their hands and back again.

“I want you around all the goddamn time. I want you when I wake up and when I go to sleep and when I’m having breakfast and when I’m doing shit around the house and when I’m playing a show and when I’m watching TV,” Eddie rattles off. “I’m not even exaggerating, it’s honestly kind of a problem.”

“A problem?” Steve asks, brows coming together in concern.

“It’s a problem because you’ve been limiting your time, thinking that I’m going to get tired of you.” Eddie disentangles their hands and reaches up to cup Steve’s jaw, palms soft and a little sweaty from their combined grip, but gentle—almost reverent—against his skin. “Sweetheart, I am never going to get tired of you.”

From anyone else, that would be hard to believe, but the way Eddie looks at him, dead-on and so fucking sincere, Steve can’t help but take the promise in with a hopeful flutter in his chest. He leans forward, pressing his mouth to Eddie’s, keeping the kiss chaste and slow before he pulls back to murmur, “Promise?”

“Promise,” Eddie answers immediately. “I promise, I promise, I promise.”

He tugs Steve forward after that, pushing and pulling him until he’s managed to lay out across the length of the couch and has situated Steve over him, lying on his chest like a weighted blanket. He sighs and wraps his arms around Steve, like he still wants to pull him closer.

“Perfect,” he says.

“Yeah?” Steve asks, balancing his chin Eddie’s sternum so he can smile up at him.

“Mhm,” Eddie hums. “Now I just have to figure out how to keep you this close all the time.”

“Might be kinda tough,” Steve says, fighting to keep his smile from growing to ridiculous proportions.

“Eh.” Eddie shrugs, ducking down to press a kiss to Steve’s forehead. “I’m willing to take the time to figure it out.”

And somehow, Steve thinks that might be the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to him.

[enzenwriting]

7 days-without a week pt3 (2.3k words!)

Jake sim x reader. #childhood friends #angst #fluff

If someone said the days came easy to you, they’d be wrong. so wrong.

your days started with Jake and ended with Jake, so when your mind and heart finally decided to let go, filtering Jake out was almost impossible.

you almost walked to Jake’s car, you almost yelled for him across the street, you almost messaged him, and you almost always wanted to stray towards him.

Ah. How embarrassing. Maybe you were clinging to him too much for a best friend only.

the argument and his words still felt very raw as if it’s the only memory you have with Jake.

“I was really being too much for a best friend huh. Now I see it and I don’t blame him for making me realise”

“Don’t be stupid y/n. Anyone would kill for a best friend like you. He’d wish he would’ve realise it sooner” euijoo

but you wish that soon never arrives. You’d rather be caught drinkjng expired milk than to be how embarassing you used to be.

“Well, there’s no point on that now. It’s time to focus my energy somewhere else. I’d get rid of this feelings for him so I can be good best friend again someday”

euijoo hated how hard you were to yourself 😔

you were initially hurt because of the rejection and then embarrassment settled.

Each emotions was a rollercoaster everyday :(((

the second week was going a lot easier, you’re attending the art club for help to busy yourself from Jake.

YOU THOUGHTTT

only to find him walking inside the classroom too????????

Jake’s eyes found and focused on yours ONLY, and suddenly he’s sitting next to you. He doesn’t even hear his friends call him

because jake was going to finally fix things with u

after he’s done shaking internally

Jake sees you concentrates back on painting. He realises it had been a while since he’s watched you in serenity.

Ah Adorable.

But he’s got to do something than stare like a creep

“uhm... so are we supposed to just colour this anyway we like?” Jake felt SICK and nervous speaking to you

and you’re no better. first his voice surprised you, then nervous settled because he was speaking to you as if nothing had or is happening between you two

You only hum and nodded, returning back to your work

awkward 🐦‍⬛

He felt awkward. He longs to talk to you and spend more time with you without having this awkward tension. Jake just wants to talk to you about anything and hear you rant about absolutely anything and everything.

So he tries again

“can… can we share paint? They didn’t give me any”

“Sure... Or you can have mine. I can ask euijoo to share with me instead” he missed your voice but the ugly mention of the male’s name struck a bullet.

just when you’re about to stand, he holds your wrist, stopping you from moving.

Ah… he should’ve done this when you first walked away he thinks.

He should’ve followed those kdrama moment

“No, we can share instead right?” his hold on your wrist loosen but his eyes on yours are still strong

“and you know I don’t like sharing what’s mine with other people” he mumbles, maybe without a thought to his words.

Uh? Did he mean you? The audacity

“This isn’t about the paint anymore… right?”

“Y/n, I’m really sorry about that day.”

“I was… I was really annoyed that day. I know it’s not an excuse, and I should’ve spoken to you about it maturely but I- um... AHHH”

Jake sim is frustrated at himself

“Look, what I’m trying to say is. I’m so sorry for all the shitty things I’ve said and done. I just- I miss you. I honestly really miss you and I just want my best friend back. Can we start over?”

What? To start over? “What does that even mean?”

“I think I- no, I like you too y/n.” He bites his lips “and I really miss you-“

Ahh. So that’s what it was about.

“You don’t like me Jake. You’re only saying that because I’m no longer around you. You’re only feeling guilty and you’re mistaking it for something else”

“Y/n no-“

“I don’t want to start over.” To start the embarrassment all over again? no. you don’t want that

“You’re mean y/n. You don’t get to decide whether I like you or not”

“I’m mean? If I’m mean, then what were you that day? Just give up on this Jake”

“Look, I’m already apologising for that. I’m sorry again but I won’t give up. I can’t give up” he knows it sounds desperate and embarrassing but he can’t give up

“ I’m saying it nicely Jake. I don’t want to start again”

“That’s unfair. You didn’t give up for years, aren’t you being a hypocrite?” oh that shouldn’t have slipped out

“I’ve given up now. You should too-“

“Nope! I’m not giving up y/n. I’ll show you it’s real, be prepared for it!” and he’s off, leaving a half painted bear.

Sim Jake stuck to his word.

“The turn have now tabled” Riki laugh, watching Jake run towards your direction with a hot chocolate in hand early in the morning.

“He really isn’t giving up huh” Sunghoon laughs but is impressed at how much effort their friend is giving

Jake had been going strong in his pursuit for 4 days. Greeting you every morning, asking if you want a ride, messaging you, trying to talking to you, and is always gravitating towards you.

You’re afraid to say Jake had also been acting beyond the boundaries of friendship.

One day, you’re wearing a short sleeve when a cool breeze took over the afternoon. Heeseung saw you shiver and offered his blazer. Jake stood up, threw the clothing on the floor and zipped his hoodie on you instead.

rip Heeseung’s blazer💔

Another one was when he joined yours and euijoo’s walk to the shop just outside of the campus. He noticed you’re walking towards the road, so he jogs next to you, shielding you from an incoming slow vehicle.

The one which stuck out to everyone was that time after one late lecture. Jake who happened to be waiting for you outside of your class, instantly saw it wasn’t your day when you walked out.

His heart broke for you :( (his bby is stressed) so without a word, he walked up and engulfed you in a hug amidst the crowd. His hands covered your ears preventing you from hearing the whispers until everyone dispersed

that day , you followed as he took you to his car and sat you on the back seat. He wrapped you with his spare blanket (he’s always had for you) and played your playlist to calm you down. He never left your side until you were calm enough to go home (driving you home too ofc)

“I can’t believe not only you rejected him, but also not giving in when he makes moves on you. I’m kinda impressed but also confuse” euijoo comments.

“He’s returning your feelings and showing he’s determined, but you still haven’t changed your mind?”

“What if it’s only temporary joojoo? Jake can be easily influenced sometimes and I’m scared this is one of those times”

“Well, i think this influence might a good thing this time and if it’s coming from the right people like Jay, heeseung and the rest? I don’t think it’s anything to be scared of. You trust them too right?”

You do. but you’re still scared

even if your heart does little flips each time he’s around you

“day 5 of Sim Jaeyun being a total simp!” Riki laughed.

“My guy is going strong but y/n isn’t changing her mind still” Heeseung joined “rightfully so”

“Stop, I can’t think of anymore ways to tell her I actually do like her, and I feel like each day I lose her” Jake slumps on his friend’s bed

“Is she going to the match this Sunday? You can totally ask Press Yang to come up with a plan. He’d be totally down for it. That guy loves drama”

Oh! That’s it.

“Hey, I have to go. Just thought of something” Jake is already rushing out of the door; the the way all his friends wave him off except Jay, busying himself on his phone.

On the 6th day, you find Sim Jaeyun outside of the library after your study session.

He waits for the crowd to disappear before he speaks.

“can i- can i try one last time?” you’re confused

“One last time y/n. I’m showing you I’m serious about you and us this time. And if- if you still want me to give up after, I’ll respect that”

“what do you mean”

“We have a match tomorrow in the school court and I’d like it if you came.”

“Oh! But it’s totally up to you, but it would be cool if you came… um because it felts empty not seeing you there- I mean. Oh my god, this isn’t part of what I practised”

There’s your awkward first year highschool Sim Jaeyun

“Here too. It’s not much and there’s a note inside for you too. Don’t read it now before I leave so” you take the folded fabric and watch as Jake makes a run for it

The boy literally pulled lighting fucking mcqueen🏃🏻‍♂️

His antics makes you chuckle. Brings you back to first yesr uni

you reach for the note inside and pocket it before unfolding the piece of cloth.

It’s his jersey with his name and your favourite number

You don’t remember Jake having this number on the back of his uniform. It had always been his lucky no.5

You reach for his note and read it.

“Hey yn, I know this isn’t much but, as you can see, I changed my jersey to your lucky number. It might seem cheesy but, I realise I’ve always been lucky with and by your existence around me. You’re my lucky charm. I was a little stupid to realise that a bit too late. I’m sorry. Initially, I felt embarrassed planning on this, but then I felt happy and excited to do this for you. I understand why you like to gift me things now :)”

Jake sim is a silly silly boy

“I don’t know if you can tell yet but I actually really like you. And I really want this to work for us if you’re willing to trust me again. I would try my best not to fuck it up.

I know this probably isn’t going to make up for all the damage I’ve done but this is my best for now. If you decide not to come, I totally understand and I’ll stick to my words. I miss you. I miss my best friend and Layla’s adopted mom. I’m sorry that it took this much for me to realise how important you are”

Silly boy. Your heart hadn’t really changed huh

Jake Sim feels sick once again. He’s in the court with his new number on the back. The game starts is a couple of minute…

BUT HE CANT FIND YOU.

He knows it was up to you at the end of the day but it doesn’t stop his heart break when the whistle blows and the game starts without his lucky charm.

Jake is now alone by his locker. He refused celebration invites by his team member after a huge win.

He didn’t feel like he won at all because he lost you.

He understands now. He understands how you felt at that moment when he said those words 2 weeks ago. He knows how it felt to be abandoned by your own best friend. The pinky promise you both made not to leave each other at the age 10 doesn’t matter.

All because he broke it first

Jake felt the tears come down and he can’t blame anyone but himself. He’ll have to live with it.

Jake Sim is ready to face his new reality. He walks out of the court towards his car-

to find you leaning on it.

shivering in the evening breeze with his jersey on your body

Is he dreaming? Is he hallucinating again? But you weren’t in the court?

“Oh! Congrats Mr. MVP! You played well there. was it the lucky charm on your back?” you grinned “had to sit somewhere else today. You’re too popular”

Jake feels his knee wobble, and wobble they did until he’s kneeling with a tear rolling down again.

Oh so that’s why you weren’t in your seat

You were there. You’re in front of him now.

His breath is shaky but a release of relief comes out.

You jog towards him, sitting down to his level, wiping his tears. “Why are you crying? You literally won”

“You?”

You nod

Jake Sim really won. In a quick swift, he lifts you in a tight hug, spinning on the spot.

“I promise I won’t hurt you again. I promise I’ll be your best friend. I promise I’ll be your soulmate. I promise I won’t make you leave like that again”

“You’re my best friend. I won’t let you”

“And as your boyfriend I promise I’ll keep my promises”

“And as your girlfriend. I keep reminding you”

7 days a week, what did they mean to each other.

ׄ 　۪ 𓂃 ੭୧ 𓂃　۪ ׄ

an: that’s allllll for me! I hope you also found the Easter egg in there🤭

lots of love🥰

7 days masterlist / main masterlist

[innerfare]

Angsty Sabo Headcanons 

Summary: A collection of angsty Sabo headcanons

Genre: Angst

CW: None // SFW

———

Sometimes, Sabo can’t stand the sight of his scars, especially the one on his face. It’s actually the reason he has a little skincare routine. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t overcome his early childhood education, which taught him that men like him are such horrible monsters. He thinks he looks like a monster.  

Sometimes when he gets undressed and turns the shower on, he stares in the mirror while he’s waiting for the water to heat up. He ends up focusing on his scars and wondering if he deserves them. A small part of Sabo thinks he does deserve them. Despite fighting to abolish the system that teaches kids they were born wrong and recognizing it is, in fact, the system that is wrong, Sabo just can’t escape the feeling that he was born wrong. 

Sabo didn’t attack Dragon that day because he wanted to take a shot at the strongest guy on the field, he did it because on some level, he sensed something paternal coming from the man, and it made Sabo lash out; he wanted to kill Dragon like Ace wanted to kill Whitebeard.

“I’m sorry he died, but at least he didn’t die in handcuffs.” This is the only thing that Dragon said to Sabo about Ace, and Sabo latched onto it. At least he didn’t die in handcuffs. He repeats the phrase over and over in his head, a mantra he chants internally every day. He keeps hoping it will make him feel better, but it doesn’t. It makes him feel worse to know the best his brother could have hoped for was to die like a man and not a dog; he shouldn’t have died at all. 

Sabo knows Ace died thinking Sabo would be waiting for him on the other side. He tries to comfort himself with the thought that Ace will be waiting for him, but it doesn’t help. It makes him feel selfish to think Ace died first. It should have been me. 

Sabo doesn’t feel good about having cheated death. He feels like a fraud, a phony, a mistake. He feels like he should be dead. And no matter how many battles he fights and wins, no matter how many enemies he defeats, no matter how many adventures he goes on, he can’t escape the feeling he’s wasting his second chance. Ace wouldn’t waste it the way I am, he tells himself. 

Sabo has nightmares about Ace’s death. The worst part about them is that he has no idea if they’re accurate. Is that how it happened? Is that what it looked like? Is that what adult Ace’s voice sounded like? Is that what Luffy’s scream sounded like? He has no fucking clue, and it tears him up inside. 

A doctor gave Sabo some pills to help him sleep dreamlessly through the night, but taking them makes him feel guilty, as if he’s escaping the punishment he rightfully deserves for not saving Ace. 

Sabo hates sleeping alone. He grew so accustomed to sharing with Luffy and Ace, and even after suffering amnesia, never got used to being alone in bed. Sabo will show up at Koala’s door sometimes at two in the morning and ask if he can sleep with her because being alone reinforces the feeling that he somehow abandoned his family.

When he gets his memories back, Sabo starts sending a little bit of money every month to Dadan. He views it as recompense for the pain he’s certain he caused her by not protecting the boy she raised from the cradle. He won’t go visit her because he’s terrified she’ll scorn him for Ace’s death and turn him away from her doorstep. 

Sabo has a page at the back of his journal where he writes down all the jokes he thinks would make Ace laugh, in addition to other things he wishes he could tell his brother.

———

Hope you enjoyed it! If you want more, you can check out my masterlist here!

[lupinsversion]

𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 - 𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐌𝐞. 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐌𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐

• summary: with james’ turmoil, he finds himself finally making a decision between lily and his best friend.

• a/n: i wasn’t going to originally write a part two to any of the small imagines i write, but this one felt right… so enjoy!

• contains: james potter x fem reader, a bit of james x lily, angst, decision making, turmoil, a bit of fluff, sexual themes

• word count: 4.8k

masterlist || requests || part one

The following weeks felt like torture to James. He couldn’t help but feel like had lost a part of himself that day. Days turned into weeks, and he felt like he was going crazy with the decision he made, or rather didn’t make. He still felt torn between Lily and her, and felt like he was being tortured by his own emotions.

He couldn’t shake off the gnawing feeling of guilt and confusion that had taken hold of him since the day he couldn’t make the decision. Day by day, it felt like he was sinking deeper into his own uncertainty, feeling like there was no way out of the mental torture he was putting himself through.

Lily seemed to notice the distance James was putting between them, and he couldn’t see it in her eyes that she was aware of the internal struggle he was facing. She tried to be patient and understanding, but it was hard for her too, not knowing if he was still interested or not.

James wanted to love Lily, he wanted to be with her and forget about everything else, but his mind always wandered back to her. He couldn’t shake off the memory of her love confession, the way she was willing to set aside her own feelings for his happiness.

Whenever James saw Lily and interacted with her, it made him feel guilty, as if he were betraying his best friend. Every little thing that Lily did, every smile, every laugh, and every little innocent joke, felt like a painful reminder of what could have been, but wasn’t.

He found himself watching her from afar during lunches, classes, and quidditch practices, feeling like he was missing a vital part of his life that he couldn’t have back. James couldn’t deny the connection he had with her, it felt like she got him on an unconscious level, and Lily couldn’t match that connection.

Lily did nothing wrong, she was sweet, beautiful, kind, understanding, and intelligent, but Lily didn’t understand him on the same level that she did. Lily didn’t know his deepest thoughts and secrets like she did. Lily didn’t know what he was thinking with just a look or a glance in the way she could. Lily wasn’t her.

James found himself longing for her presence, her voice, her laugh. He missed the late night conversations, the playful banter, and the way she always seemed to know what he was thinking. He yearned for her friendship, her support, her understanding, and most of all, her love.

He couldn’t deny it any longer, the fact that he was still so deeply in love with her. He loved her laugh, he loved her smile, he loved the way she rolled her eyes at his jokes, he loved her kindness, and most of all, he loved how she always knew exactly what he needed. She wasn’t Lily.

He found himself constantly replaying memories of her in his mind, remembering the little things that made him adore her. He would replay the sound of her laughter over and over again, trying to cling onto something tangible that only reminded him of her.

He found himself reminiscing on the countless of times she had been there for him, through good times and bad. She had seen him at his best and his worst, and despite everything, she was always there. She remained by his side, offering support and friendship, even when he didn’t deserve any of it.

That’s when James finally realized what he had to do. He couldn’t keep going down this path of uncertainty and confusion. He couldn’t keep hurting both Lily and her with his indecision. He needed to make a decision, a final decision.

James steeled himself, knowing that it was time to face the music. He had to end things with Lily, even though he cared for her deeply. He had to let her go.

He knew that this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. He had to find the right words to express his feelings, to explain why his heart wasn’t fully in it even more. He felt like he was not only betraying Lily but also himself, but he knew deep down, he couldn’t keep living in a lie.

He took a deep breath and walked over to where Lily was sitting, her ginger hair cascading down her shoulders in waves, her kind green eyes flickering through the pages of one of her textbooks.

He sat down beside her, mustering up the courage to speak. “Can we talk?” He asked softly, his eyes filled with sadness and remorse.

Lily looked up from her book, surprising filling her beautiful eyes at the sight of James. She could sense the tension in the air, the heavy weight of something important to be said.

She closed the book and set it aside, focusing her attention solely on him. “Yeah, of course. What’s up?” Lily replied, his voice gentle but curious, awaiting for what James had in store for her.

“Listen, Lily.” He started, his voice a mix of tenderness and sorrow. “I need to talk to you about something.” He hesitated for a moment, gathering his thoughts and trying to find the right words to convey his feelings. He wanted to be as compassionate and gentle as possible, but it was hard to push away the guilt building in his chest.

Lily nodded and shifted in her seat, sensing the seriousness of the conversation. Her green eyes fixated on him, a sense of trepidation in her gaze.

“I have to be honest with you…” He continued, his voice a gentle but firm whisper that carried an undercurrent of emotions. He took a shaky breath, preparing himself for the words that would change everything. “This isn’t working for me.”

Lily’s eyes widened in shock and confusion. Her heart skipped a beat, the weight of those words piercing her soul. “What do you mean?” She asked, her voice soft and vulnerable, desperately hoping for a different answer.

James could feel his chest tighten with the force of his impending reply. He knew his words would hurt her, hurt the girl who he had once loved, but he knew he couldn’t lie to her any longer. He swallowed hard, his throat feeling as if it were stuffed with cotton. “I mean… I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be with you.”

Lily’s heart sunk as James spoke those words. Her green eyes swam with a mixture of disbelief and hurt, her chest tightening with the pain of rejection. “I don’t understand.” She whispered, her voice tinged with tears. “Is it something I did? Something I didn’t do?”

He felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He wanted to scream no, but he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t let her blame herself. “No, no. Lily, you didn’t do anything. You’re amazing, and you deserve someone who can give you everything. I just… I can’t be that person for you.”

Her heart felt like it was being squeezed, the weight of James’ words pressing heavily on her. She couldn’t help but feel the sting of rejection, even thought she knew it wasn’t entirely her fault. “So this is it?” She asked. “You’re ending things with me?”

He swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling the weight of Lily’s words as they sliced through him like a blade. He nodded, his eyes filled with a mix of guilt and sadness, his heart feeling like it was being torn apart. “Yeah…” He replied softly, his tone filled with bitter sweetness that tugged on his own heartstrings.

Lily’s green eyes were damp with tears that she couldn’t hold back. Words seemed to fail her as she tried to absorb the magnitude of the situation. The thought of losing James, of losing their future together, felt like a punch to the gut. “Why?” She managed to whisper, her voice shaky and vulnerable.

He took a deep breath. “It’s not because of you, Lily. It’s me. There’s been something… someone else on my mind for quite some time. I can’t fake how I truly feel… I can’t stay with you when my heart is somewhere else.”

Her heart shattered into a thousand pieces as he spoke the words she had feared the most — someone else. Her heart felt like it was splintered inside her chest as a hint of betrayal, confusion, and disbelief filled her. She couldn’t comprehend how after everything, after all of their moments, memories and laughter, he could love someone else. “Who?” She asked, her voice no more than a shattered whisper.

He swallowed hard, his eyes shifting away from her tearful gaze. It was harder than he could have imagined, seeing the pain in Lily’s eyes, the confusion and heartbreak that he had caused. He couldn’t bring himself to say her name, his best friend’s name, knowing that it would only add salt to the wound. He sighed, his heart heavy with guilt and remorse. “It doesn’t matter who it is.” He muttered quietly, his voice tinged with sadness.

Her heart sank even deeper into the shadows of sorrow. It doesn’t matter who it is. Those words ran through her mind like a broken record, each replay feeling like a painful jab to her soul. It mattered. It mattered a lot. This faceless person had stolen James’ heart, and Lily couldn’t help but wonder who could cause such a turmoil in him.

He felt the weight of her heartbreak, bearing down on him. He could see the pain and the confusion in her eyes, the way her voice was shattered. He knew that his decision had shattered whatever future they could’ve had together, and it tore at his heart. He couldn’t stay there any longer, couldn’t bear the weight of causing her pain. With a heavy heart, he slowly turned and walked away, leaving her alone with her heartbreak and the echos of his words.

James needed time. Time to collect his thoughts, time to accept his decision, time to come to terms with the reality of it all. Days slipped into weeks, and every second felt like it was slowly suffocating him. The longing for her grew with each passing day, a constant ache in his chest that wouldn’t be pacified. He kept telling himself that he needed time, but as time went by, he realized that he couldn’t stay away from her much longer.

The longing for her became a constant hum in his mind that he couldn't ignore. Every moment seemed to remind him of her - the sound of her laughter, the scent of her favorite shampoo, the way her eyes sparkled in the light. The silence felt like a loud, unbearable scream, amplified by the distance between them.

James tried to fill his days with other things - hanging out with the Marauders, focusing on his classes, and playing quidditch. Yet, in the quiet moments, when everything else seemed to fade away, she was always there, a constant presence he couldn't shake from his thoughts.

He couldn't ignore the longing any longer. The thought of her consumed him. He felt like he was going crazy, torn between wanting to keep his distance and needing to be close. The longing became too much to bear, and one evening, he gathered all his courage and went to find her.

His heart pounded as he stood outside her door. He took a deep breath and raised his hand, gently knocking on the door. He hoped she was inside, a mix of nerves and anticipation coursing through him as he waited for the sound of footsteps, of her.

And eventually they came, slow but not far, and soon enough, the door opened to reveal her. Her hair was loose and slightly messy, a sign that she had been previously lying down. At the sight of James, her heartbeat picked up despite her protests. There was an awkward moment of silence that hung between them as they just stared at each other before she eventually shifted over, allowing him inside.

His heart skipped a beat as she opened the door, and the sight of her took his breath away. She looked soft and cozy, her hair slightly messy, and he couldn't help but feel a flood of emotions wash over him as she let him in. He swallowed hard, his eyes locking onto hers, filling with an array of emotions - fondness, longing, guilt, and regret. The awkwardness was thick between them, and he hesitantly stepped inside her room, taking in the familiar surroundings.

The room was dimly lit, candlelight casting a gentle glow over everything. It was cozy and intimate, a contrast to the cold and empty corridor outside. The soft glow from the fireplace painted everything a soft orange, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere that felt like a hug.

The door closed softly behind him, her fingers lingering on the doorknob as she tried to observe the situation she found herself in.

He took a moment to observe the room, the warm fire and soft lighting creating an intimate atmosphere. He felt the weight of her presence, the silence hanging heavily between them. The sound of the door clicking shut made him turn to her, and his eyes met hers again, filled with a mixture of emotions. He saw the way her fingers lingered on the doorknob, a subtle sign of nerves or uncertainty.

He cleared his throat, shifting his weight as he tried to find his words. "Can we... sit?" He finally asked, his voice soft and gentle.

“Yeah…” She whispered before moving over to sit with her back against the headboard of her bed as she sat on the fluffy mattress. “Sit where you please.”

James nodded and sat down at the edge of the bed, being mindful of the distance he kept between them. He kept his eyes fixed on her, his mind still reeling with everything he wanted to say, everything he wanted to do. The space between them felt heavy with tension, and he couldn't bear the silence any longer.

He took a deep breath, his chest tight as he swallowed his nerves. "I've missed you," he finally managed to say, his voice quiet and filled with sincerity.

“James…” She said softly, hugging a pillow to her torso. “We still hang out. We’re still friends, and you’re with Lily now.”

He swallowed hard, guilt filling his chest. "I know we're still friends, but it's not the same. You know it's not the same. And... about Lily." James ran a hand through his hair, struggling to find the words to say, his mind racing with a tangle of emotions.

Her brows furrowed as she let her eyes roam over his face, trying to read his expression.

His eyes met hers, filled with a complex whirlwind of emotions - guilt, uncertainty, longing, and affection. He shifted on the bed, feeling the weight of all the unspoken words that had been building up between them.

He was silent for a moment longer, his mind racing with thoughts and feelings that threatened to spill out. James swallowed, his throat feeling tight, and then finally said, "I'm not with Lily anymore."

“What?” She said a bit too quickly, her own expression one of confusion. “You two were happy, everyone saw that.”

He sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. He felt the weight of her confusion and he understood, but couldn't find the right words to explain the true nature of his relationship with Lily. "It was all a façade, Y/N. I couldn't love her the way she deserved. I couldn't lie to myself, and her, anymore."

“A façade?” She repeated slowly.

He nodded, his eyes filled with a mix of guilt and honesty. “I was pretending to be happy, pretending to love her, but my heart wasn't in it. I couldn't continue pretending, not when it felt wrong…” He paused, his eyes locking onto hers, filled with a mix of conflicting emotions. “Because… my heart belongs elsewhere.”

He felt his chest tighten with emotions, hoping and praying that you would understand. "I couldn't deny it anymore, Y/N. I tried, Merlin I tried with everything I had in me, but I couldn't. My heart wasn't in it, because I wasn't in love with Lily, my heart belongs to someone else.”

“No… no.” She started to shake her head, believing that this was just another reoccurring dream that she has had for the past few nights.

He felt his heart break as she shook her head, not believing his words. He knew that he had put her through so much confusion, and he didn't blame her for not believing him, but he needed her to understand. He reached out and gently took her hand in his, his voice filled with an unwavering resolve.

“What took you so long!?” She exasperated, pushing the pillow off of her lap as she sat up. “I told you that I was in love with you weeks ago… weeks ago James Potter!” She threw her throw pillow at him.

He sighed, feeling the sting of her truth and frustration. He didn't blame her for being mad at him. James felt the pillow hit him on the chest, and he stared down at it quietly, letting it sink in. He knew she was right, and he knew he had taken too long, but all he could think of was how much he wanted to run his fingers through her beautiful (h/c) locks, to wipe the frustration from her brow, to hold her and feel her in his arms.

“You’re an arse, y’know that?” She grumbled as she shuffled closer.

He couldn’t help the small, soft chuckle that escaped from his lips as she shuffled closer, his eyes filled with a mixture of guilt and amusement. "Well aware.” He replied softly, his gaze never leaving her face. He felt his heart swell with a mix of emotions - guilt, longing, adoration, and deep-seated affection that had always belonged to her.

She cupped his cheeks a bit more than gently. “Oh, I just want to shake you right now.”

He felt her hands cup his cheeks, and his heart skipped a beat. He felt the gentle but firm squeeze of her hands, and he couldn't help but feel like she was grounding him, grounding him from all the emotional turmoil he had felt during the past few weeks. He allowed his eyes to flicker between hers, feeling the gentle but firm squeeze on his face, and he felt a small, playful grin tug at the corners of his lips, "I probably deserve it."

He raised his hand and brought it up to rest over one of hers on his cheek, feeling the warmth of her skin against his rough but gentle calluses, which he had developed from years of quidditch. He felt the way her strong fingers brushed on his jaw, holding him firmly, and he felt his throat tighten with all the words he wanted to say but couldn't seem to find the right ones.

“You… are a complete pain in my behind.” She spoke quietly, her eyes darting over his face, darting to his lips before back up to his eyes.

He felt like he couldn't breathe when her eyes darted to his lips and back up to meet his eyes. He felt his heart leap into his throat, and he swallowed hard, his throat feeling tight. He heard her words and felt the sting of truth, and it made his heart ache, but he was also filled with an overwhelming sense of fondness, because even though he might be a pain in the ass, she was still here, and she still cared about him.

"I'm an idiot, I know," He murmured softy, a small, guilty smile on his face. He felt the way she was still holding on to his face, holding him in place, and he couldn't imagine himself anywhere else. The butterflies in his stomach were fluttering wildly, and he couldn't help but feel grateful for her presence, for her patience. He leaned his cheek further into her gentle hands, as if soaking in their warmth.

“Such an idiot.” She confirmed in a whisper as her nose gently rubbed against his, her hands never wavering on his face.

He felt her nose brushing against his, and he was suddenly very aware of how close she was. He felt the way his breath hitched in his chest, and his eyes glanced down at her lips. His eyes flicked back up to hers, and he breathed out a soft sigh, his heart hammering in his chest.

He felt her warm breath mingling with his, and his mind was racing, the butterflies in his stomach doing somersaults. He swallowed hard, his eyes flicking between hers, feeling the tension between them, and he knew that one word from her, one small sign, was all that was needed to shatter every remaining piece of his restraint.

“I won’t do anything you don’t want to… I won’t force it.” She whispered.

He felt his heart skip a beat. She was always so considerate, always so respectful, always so understanding. He felt a swell of affection and guilt mingle, knowing that she truly had every right to be angry and not respectful at all, but there she was. Being the best person alive, and he couldn't help but adore her even more because of that.

He swallowed hard, his eyes filled with emotion. "You're too good to me, you know.” He muttered with a guilty smile. "I don't deserve you."

“It’s funny how life works… I can’t seem to pull myself away.”

He felt his heart flutter at her words, the butterflies in his stomach threatening to explode. He felt his chest tighten with a mix of emotions, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of vulnerability, of needing a reassurance from her. "That makes two of us.” He muttered, his eyes flicking towards her lips again.

He felt his hands move of their own accord, itching to pull her closer, to close the distance that seemed like an ocean, an ocean that felt more endless and deeper with each passing second. His mind was a whirlwind of emotions, a mix of longing and guilt, and the butterflies in his stomach were threatening to explode, like fireworks on a July night.

He felt the overwhelming urge to pull her into his arms, to feel the warmth of her body against his, to breathe in her scent, to feel the soft, warm skin of her cheek against his, to wrap his arms around her and hold her like he used to, like he was home. But he didn't, instead he waited, his eyes watching and waiting, hoping for even a hint of a sign, for her to give him a sign, to give him permission.

Her eyes flickered to his own lips and the way they sat slightly parted. “I want to kiss you.”

He felt his heart skip a beat at her words. That was all he needed, all he wanted to hear. He felt his heart thunder in his chest, his eyes flicking between hers, feeling like he could finally give in to the longing he had been feeling for weeks, no, months. "I want to kiss you too.” He admitted softly, his eyes lingering on her lips as he leaned in slightly, a breath away from her.

That’s all it took for her to kiss him passionately…

He felt his heart race as he gently laid her down on her back on the bed, never letting his lips leave hers for a second. He felt her fingers weave through his messy hair, and he let out a gentle, appreciative hum, his hazel eyes fixed on hers as he leaned back a bit, breaking the kiss just to breathe in the sight of her beautiful, flushed face.

His eyes flicked down to her lips again, his chest rising and falling with the quickened pace of his breaths. He gently reached out, running his thumb over her lower lip, feeling the softness of her skin, feeling the longing and need that he had buried for weeks starting to bubble to the surface.

He felt the way she sucked in a sharp breath at the caress of his thumb on her lip, the softness of his touch matching the softness of her lips. He felt the heat rising in his cheeks, his mind a whirlpool of thoughts and desires, but the thing that remained the most present was how he didn't want to stop.

Their clothes scattered across the floor of the dormitory as their skin connected in the most intimate way.

He felt the way her body pressed against his, the way his skin tingled where they met, the way his heart raced as her hands roamed his body. He buried his face in her shoulder, inhaling the faint scent of her perfume, the faint scent of her shampoo, the scent that was all her.

Moans, whimpers, pleads, grunts, and groans filled the air around them as he pounded into her relentlessly.

He felt the way her voice filled his ears, filling him with affection, need, longing, and an undeniable urge to make her feel good. He felt her fingers raking into his shoulders, her hips lifting towards his, her legs wrapping around his waist, and his mind was a constant whirlwind of her.

He felt the way his heart thundered in his chest, his breaths coming out in quick gasps, and he was pretty sure it wasn't from the physical strain. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, feeling a mixture of emotions swirling within him, all centering around her, his eyes closing as he just focused on feeling her beneath him, feeling her body, her presence, her warmth, the heat, the connection, and the undeniable attraction.

He felt a sense of desperation building within him, and his hips seemed to have a mind of their own as they rocked against hers, seeking for the closeness, the contact, the intimacy. He could feel his self control slipping bit by bit, and he pressed a gentle, open-mouthed kiss on the soft and warm skin of her neck.

He felt the way his mouth moved against her neck, leaving behind a trail of kisses and gentle nibbles. He could taste the heat of her skin, the saltiness of her sweat, and the soft sigh that escaped her lips as he moved his lips across her neck, over her collarbones and down to her torso, tracing a path of affection with his lips.

His mind seemed to be filled with the taste of her, the smell of her, the sound of her moans, the feeling of her skin on his lips, and the weight of her underneath him, all creating a delicious, heady cocktail of sensations. He felt his heart pounding in his chest with each kiss, like beating the world's fastest drum to the rhythm of her sighs and moans.

“James!” She cried out as she clenched around him without mercy, her head falling back against the plush pillow.

He felt his heart skip another beat at the sound of his name leaving her lips, her sharp, ragged breath filling his ears, and the way her body tensed around him, pulling him deeper, making him lose his mind, and his self-control. His hands gripped her waist, his hips moving against hers with a relentless force and rhythm, a fire filling everything within him.

He felt the heat building between them, the way her legs tightened around his waist, the way her back arched against the bed, and the way her breathing became ragged and desperate as his movements became more intense, more frantic, driven by pure instinct and need.

His eyes were shut tightly, his entire mind focused on her, her sensations, the way her moans filled his ears, the way she held on to him, the way her body fit perfectly against his, everything blending in a dizzying, maddening mixture of need and yearning and longing and affection and care and tenderness and warmth.

He filled her as her chest rose and fell at a violent rate, her watering half hooded eyes falling upon his gorgeous face before he collapsed down over her overheated body.

He felt a surge of affection and relief wash over him as he collapsed onto her, his breathing ragged and heavy. For a moment, he just laid there, his mind still spinning and his heart still racing, feeling her body beneath him, feeling her breath against his skin, feeling the way her fingers caressed the back of his head and neck. He felt utterly and completely home.

© lupinsversion 2024

[y-umiko]

TOKYOREV BOYS WHEN THEY WANT TO BREAK-UP TO PROTECT YOU

CHARACTER(S): Kazutora . Hanma . Baji WARNING/S: angst? A/N: Please don't be surprised if the writing seems different as it goes on, I wrote each one when i'm in different moods.

Kazutora

Kazutora watches with gritted teeth as the nurse patches you up after being rushed to the hospital. It was nothing serious just some cuts and bruises, but Kazutora can't be relieved, imagining the worse that could happen if didn't arrive in time.

He thought long and hard about it, being with him had made you a target for others. and if separating from you means your safety then he was willing to do it.

but you were having none of it, all it took was to see the dreaded expression on his face to know what was running on his head. after thanking the nurse, you sternly gave him your piece of mind.

"whatever it is that's running on your head, quit it" his eyes previously downcasted and staring at the floor, flickering towards you, "I haven't said anything yet"

"It's written all over your face" you sigh, watching his eyes drift away from yours. Kazutora felt incredibly guilty that he can't bear to look at your eyes.

he had done a lot of bad things in his life, maybe this was his punishment, maybe this was his karma, if it is, he doesn't want you getting the same burden, and maybe he was right.

"Maybe it's for the better that we - "

"No" you quickly cut him off, reaching over to hold his hand, which was incredibly warm, "Listen to me, This is not your fault alright? so don't go having any thought in that pretty head of yours"

Kazutora simply stared back at you, content with your hold on his hand. wondering that maybe he wasn't so bad in his previous life to be rewarded as precious as you.

he was brought back when he felt you squeeze his hand, "are we clear?"

"…yeah" he mumbled, gently leaning towards you and nuzzling his head on your shoulder, this time he'll protect you properly.

Hanma

Hanma knows nothing good comes out of being associated with him. but he was being greedy wanting to have you in his life, he thought he can protect you but how wrong he was.

and for the first time in his life, he didn't want to be selfish, for your sake and his peace of mind.

"so that's it, see you around" he casually bid goodbye, hands stuffed in his pocket, after explaining to you he's breaking up with you 'just because he felt like it'. if it was a normal day it would have hurt you, but you knew him too damn much to know he felt guilty for what happened.

"wait a damn fucking minute" you called after him but Hanma pretended not to hear you and continued walking out of your hospital room. but you were quick to your feet, getting out the bed and dragging the bag of IV with you to catch up with him.

"you can't just come here, say what you want and leave" Hanma momentarily stops in his tracks, an internal turmoil inside his head, a slight worry in his eyes seeing you get out of bed. but if his gonna do it, he has to stay strong, as he continued his way out, "I have nothing left to say"

"Well, I do and you better fucking listen" you voice out loudly than intended, making Hanma sigh as he stops in his tracks once again to give you another piece of his mind and say words he didn't mean but will hurt you so bad that you'll probably stay away from him for good.

"you're serious-"

however, all those words got eaten and forgotten as you came tackling him, arms tightly wrapped around him, and head buried on his chest.

"Don't leave me…please" you coaxed, voice calm and gentle but Hanma can feel the tremors coming from your body. if it was fear of him leaving or fear of the accident. he doesn't care, all he knew was you needed him and that someone has to pay.

"you're a pain in the ass"

As his reasons crumble the bastards who did this to you can enjoy the last hours of their life. meanwhile, he wanted to be a little bit more selfish, as long as you want him, he'll stay with you.

Baji

When Baji came to see you with bruises and some remnants of blood, you immediately knew what had transpired before him seeing you in the hospital.

Baji just can't seat around, he just had to let out his contained rage upon seeing you all bloodied and bruised because of him. and amid the chaos of exchanging fists, he had a thought. his life had always been full of danger and will probably be more dangerous as the Tokyo Manji Gag expands.

he was sure enemies would come swarming towards him and normally that would have thrilled him. but after some careful thought, he wasn't alone anymore, the more enemies he made the more dangerous it become for you and he can only think of one thing to do.

"we should break up"

he coldly said, quick and direct he thought, hands on his side, a glare in his eyes as he stared at you. if there's one thing Baji was good at, it was his acting skills. and if you were anyone else, you would have believed him, luckily, you weren't just anyone.

"I don't understand? why?" you calmly replied, but your eyebrows were furrowed. while Baji remained a certain distance from you. it should be easy he thought, just like he practiced on his head countless times.

"I don't like you anymore"

words he thought would be enough to drive you away yet Baji swore you look calm than he thought you would be.

"then look me in the eyes and tell me you mean it" you sternly replied, and he did so with full confidence but as he searched your eyes, desperately looking for anything that will let him repeat his words, all he found was your eyes fill with unconditional love, eyes that had seen his worse and beauty. nothing came out of his mouth, words stuck on his lips.

"dammit y/n! don't make this anymore harder than it is!"

"then stop it!" you burst out before calming yourself. "I know what I'm getting when I agreed to go out with you, I wouldn't even lie, it was scary, but this is not enough to the point that it will make me leave you, you're stuck with me until the end"

"Besides I have full confidence that you would save me every time"

a rush of warmth spread on Baji's chest, he should deny it, he should continue his act and walk away yet his feet moved towards you as if having a mind of their own. would it be selfish to continue wanting to be with you despite putting you in danger.?

[ageofwagner]

Kiss My Scars

Pairing: Danny Wagner x fem!reader

Summary: Danny reminds Y/n that her scars are nothing to be ashamed of.

word count: 2.1k

warnings: angst to fluff, disliking body image, descriptions of self-harm scars (not graphic), Danny’s love language as physical touch, affirmations, Danny being the best bf.

a/n: this is super self-indulgent and I just love imagining Danny being sweet to someone that has been through so much. To anyone that may relate to the content of this fic, you are valid, I love you and I'm proud of you <3

masterlist

"You could've hated my scars, instead you kissed them"

You stood there, staring at your reflection in the mirror, a feeling of self-loathing wrapping itself around you as you trace the faded scars littering your upper thigh. A shaky sigh escapes your lips as you turn away, eyes burning in an attempt to withhold oncoming tears and try to even out your breathing.

Hearing footsteps approaching the bedroom, you quickly step into the ensuite bathroom and close the door, locking it before sliding down and pulling your knees to your chest. Your head falls back as you feel the first traitorous tear escape through the corner of your eye, trailing down the side of your face.

Danny stops outside the bathroom door, "Hey babe, you ready to go?" your back stiffens, feeling panic radiate throughout your body. You stutter a response, "Yeah I- uh just need a few minutes" internally cursing yourself for not keeping it together.

Seeing right through you, he knocks gently only to be met with silence. Danny feels unease settle in his stomach when he tries the doorknob to find that you had locked it, something he knows you rarely ever do.

"Is everything okay? Can you please let me in?" he asks gently, sensing your need for comfort. You feel suddenly guilty at the double meaning of his plea - you had a habit of shutting everyone out when things got bad, as you currently were with him.

That guilt ruminated as it always does, thinking about how excited Danny was to go to this pool party and here you were, ruining that for him with your insecurities once again. You remain silent, more tears trailing down your face as you stand to face the full-length mirror, once again examining your reflection; the purple-tinged lines permanently covering the majority of your thighs, tainting your figure.

Your head twists toward the door again when you hear the door knob jiggling, "Baby please, I'm worried" Hearing the desperation in his voice prompted you to give in. You splashed some water on your face in an attempt to snap yourself out of it; wiping your face you take a deep breath and unlock the door.

Danny immediately burst into the bathroom, concern evident on his face as his eyes scanned your body, you knew instantly what he was checking for. Once again the bitter feeling of shame and guilt engulfed your body. You shifted your gaze to your feet, unable to meet his eyes.

He uses his thumb and forefinger to grab hold of your chin, gently forcing you to meet his worried eyes, "What's wrong?" his voice was so gentle it could hardly be heard. Your eyes filled with tears, betraying you by conveying the emotion you had tried so desperately to conceal from him. "Nothing, I'm okay" you choked out, refusing to ruin his day further.

Danny shook his head, "No, you're not" he stated simply, pulling you into his chest and resting his chin atop your head as he rubbed soothing circles into your back, "and that's alright. It's okay to allow yourself to feel these things, but it's not okay to convince yourself that you have to deal with this all on your own. I know you feel that you have to fight your own battles but you don't have to do it alone." He felt you shaking as you cried into his chest, tightening his hold on you, wishing he could shield you from anything that could ever hurt you, "You have fought so hard on your own, but I'm here now and I never want you to feel like you have to do it alone, ever again."

You felt the tears flowing down your cheeks once again at the sincerity within his words, you nuzzled further into his chest, allowing a sob to escape you as he squeezes you in his embrace, showing you he will do everything in his power to protect you.

The two of you remain in that position until you can calm your breathing, Danny whispering loving words of affirmation while you attempt to calm the racing thoughts in your mind. After a few more moments you pull away, arms resting around his lower back as you look up at him; your eyes, red and puffy, find his glazed over, attempting to conceal the emotion swirling behind his eyes.

"I love you so much" you manage to speak, though your voice strained with emotion, "I love you more" he returns, placing a gentle kiss on your lips.

As you part he looks at you before offering, "Can you tell me what happened?" you drop your hands from his back, stepping out of the bathroom to the full-length mirror positioned next to your bed. You stare at your face in the reflection, noticing the bloodshot eyes, red splotches, and tear-stained cheeks; your gaze trailing down the figure in front of you, silently tearing your appearance apart.

Caught up in the cloud of self-deprecation, you didn't notice Danny standing behind you until you feel his feather-light touch sliding your hair off your shoulder, placing a kiss on the exposed skin, "Stop it" he instructs "I know what you're thinking and it's not true." He meets your gaze in the mirror for a moment, his eyes pleading with you to listen to him.

You tear your eyes away, looking at your marred thigh as you trace the slight bumps with your fingertips, "They're so ugly" you choke out, your voice barely a whisper as you finally vocalize the thought that has been eating away at you.

Danny feels his heart drop at your admission, the combination of what you had just said with the sheer despair in your voice, shattered his heart. Without hesitation, he interrupts your silent beratement by placing himself directly in front of you, blocking your view of the reflection staring back at you.

Gently cupping your face, he lifts your head to meet his gaze, "Listen to me, your scars are not ugly, not even close. Your scars are proof of how strong you are, they tell your stories; they are part of who you are and that is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, my love. Your scars do not determine your worth or beauty - and I know how you struggle to accept them but I promise you, I will always be here to show you how much I love you, scars and all."

You felt entirely overwhelmed by his compassion and love towards you. As the tears stream down your face, Danny pulls you into his chest, his arms wrapped around you in a firm hold. He knew you found comfort in his embrace and in this moment, he would do anything to make you feel safe and loved.

He rubbed your back with one hand, using the other to stroke your hair; your head nuzzled into the crook of his neck as he reminds you how much he loves you, that you are strong and beautiful, hoping that if he says it enough, you'll eventually believe him.

Danny refuses to let go of you until you're ready. It's only when you pull away that he leads you to sit on the edge of the bed. He props himself on his knees on the floor, directly in front of your seated position, gently running his hands along the sides of your thighs. You've never been one to shy away from his touch but the spiral of insecurity you were feeling for the marks on your thighs has you tensing under his touch. Danny notices your apprehension and pauses his movements, concern evident on his face as he asks, "Is it okay if I touch you?" his hands were now hovering over your thighs, not wanting to upset you further.

You nod your head, reaching for his outstretched hands and placing them on your thighs, "It's okay," you mumble in response, a faint smile on your face at your boyfriend's consideration for your feelings.

Danny gives your thighs a gentle squeeze, meeting his eyes you see the sincerity behind them as he says, "I just wish you could see yourself through my eyes, I want to show you how beautiful you are, inside and out," he takes a watery breath before continuing, "your scars will never change that"

Your throat became thick with emotion, placing your hands over his and squeezing three times, a silent I love you, showing your appreciation without uttering a word.

You watched as Danny lowered his head into your lap, looking up to catch your eye briefly, ensuring his actions were okay - to which you nodded in response. He leans in and presses a soft kiss to the middle of your upper thigh before switching to the other and repeating the action. You let out a shaky breath, feeling overwhelmed by your vulnerability along with the love and adoration you feel from the man in front of you, quelling the anxiety and self-deprecating thoughts.

As Danny continues tracing the lines across your thighs, placing a kiss on each one, you feel your eyes begin to sting once again. The sound of your sniffling catches his attention, looking up he finds you smiling at him with tears in your eyes. You cup his face and pull him to you, kissing him softly, pouring all your love for him into the kiss.

He breaks the kiss, "I need you to do something for me, love" you nod your head, signaling him to continue, "I want more than anything for you to believe what I'm saying to you. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you" he took a deep breath, turning his head in an attempt to compose himself. Noticing a tear falling down his cheek, you turn his head so he's facing you, using your thumb to wipe the rogue tears away - just as he had done for you, moments ago.

"Anything," you say

"I need to hear you say it, my love"

Before you could question him, he clarified, "I want to hear you say your scars are not ugly. I need you to believe it." You look into his soft brown eyes and find nothing but love and admiration. Taking a deep breath you repeat after him, "My scars are not ugly"

Danny offers you a bright smile, eyes still glassy, "There we go" he praises, "Now, can you say 'I am beautiful'?"

You lower your head feeling heat spread up your neck, painting your cheeks in a rosy pink that Danny can never get enough of. Eyes focused on your lap, you repeat the affirmations until he lifts your chin using his thumb and forefinger, forcing you to meet his gaze, "Look at me and say it again" he instructs, his voice so gentle it was practically a whisper. Straightening your back, you repeat the statements more confidently - smiling at the toothy grin he was giving you.

"Okay, one more thing," Danny moves his hands to the crease between your leg and hips, squeezing as he continues, "can you say 'I am loved'?"

You smile, leaning in just inches from his face, "I am loved" you state before connecting your lips with his. Danny keeps one hand firmly planted on your thigh, using the other to cup your cheek as he deepens the kiss. As he pulls away, he looks up at you - his puffy lips spread in a loving smile as he praises you, "I'm so proud of you"

"How do you do that?" you ask

A crease forms between Danny's brows, "Do what?"

You take a moment to gather your thoughts, "You just always know the perfect thing to say"

A blush appears on Danny's face before he finally stands and moves to sit next to you on the edge of the bed, wrapping his arm around you to pull your body flush against his.

"I'm not really doing anything, my love, I'm just being honest with you," he pauses, trying to find the right words, "I know it sounds cliche but I'm just trying to show you how I see you. When you look at your scars you see them as weakness, I see them as strength."

You crane your neck to look at him, eyes tracing his features, "Have I ever told you how much I love you?" you could feel his smile against your skin as he placed a kiss on your temple, "You may have mentioned it" he replies through an adoring laugh.

Danny continues to pepper kisses all over your face, whispering, "I love you too" somewhere between kisses. You revel in the feeling of him quite literally showering you with love - feeling lighter as the weight of your insecurity and sadness have been lifted.

Thank you for reading <3

I will be posting a part two for anyone interested in seeing a more light-hearted and playful ending :)

[haloswrld]

feat. keigo takami. bit angsty but happy ending. wc idk…i’d give him everything :>

keigo takami, Japan’s #2 hero, often finds himself grappling with the idea due to the nature of his job. as a hero, he’s always known he’d shoulder immense responsibilities and risk his life daily for others. the constant danger and demands of his occupation gets him to question whether anyone would willingly choose to love someone with such a perilous lifestyle, if love was ever going to be for him.

22 year old keigo takami who feels he’s hard to love because of who he is at his core. he carries the weight of his past, with the knowledge of the morally questionable actions he committed under the influence of the Hero Commission being Hawks. he questions if he deserves love and wonders if his flaws and mistakes overshadow any positive qualities he possesses.

keigo takami who breaks your kiss and looks away seconds after you mutter you love him. this was never supposed to be this serious. were you serious? do you hear what you’re saying? you just don’t know, don’t see—

“kei, what’s wrong?” he hears the confusion playing in your voice.

of course you’d question it—question him.

“what’s on your mind?” you utter wringing your fingers.

he feels how hurt you are by his action of quickly pulling back, especially when all he’s ever done in your presence is lean forward.

“is it, what I said? about loving you?”

he nods his head, back still turned to you.

…

keigo takami who thinks he sees it in the little things you do; how you wonder if he’s eaten all day, tell him how much he means to you for no reason other than the fact that it’s an ordinary monday, how you hug him a little more than you have to and how you kiss him so easily.

he hasn’t said it back yet but you haven’t taken it back. that’s what you told him that day, that you meant what you said and that he was deserving of every bit of your love. for him to just let you love him and see.

keigo takami who doesn’t feel as guilty anymore over the big small things. he says goodbye every morning with the certainty that he’ll see you later and he no longer internally cringes every time he hears those endearing names you call him, just only ever making it natural to his ears; like it was always meant to be.

keigo takami who looks back when he senses you descending down from the stairs as he attempts to head to work one morning. you shine at him from the top, a blanket dreaded from your shoulders to engulf you from the morning cold.

“leaving l without even saying goodbye?” you ask in a razzing manner.

he smiles, shaking his head.

he wouldn’t. he knows better than to turn his back to you—to your love. right?

he starts ascending the stairs and you still.

you’re so bright, he thinks, so high up. has he ever told you how beautiful you are? how much you mean to him? how much warmth you give him and how you make his chest squeeze from just being in your presence?

no, he won’t tell you all that. he’ll say what’s on his mind.

“_ ____ ___.”

[madfantasy]

Dear blogging

Wish you peace, always. Considering all, it been extra rough. My guardians were sick, and my fragile of a stability was about to break— but it okay now, and the pendulum of consciousness returned swaying in my head.

Somehow in the middle of everything, I was starting to feel okay and accept that this is the best it can get for this non verbal Mani. I honestly I stopped living as if there was tomorrow maybe the majority of 2023, zero drive or hopefulness, and lately started to accept that there's no denying that I'm not made to survive this life, and dropped all pretence that I'm able, set a 5 years counter. Because if mere looking at people's faces distress me so much that I blank out &/or go mute, since childhood, no amount of me forcing myself to watch videos/ pictures over and over can fix that. That's simply how I'm made and I know that now, and in a way it's bringing me peace.

Because I thought I'm bratting when I wore my headphones to cancel out noise that were literally going to drive me insane, or when I couldn't respond to messages knowing that I can articulate deeply in writing but ignoring all the endless times when I simply couldn't, and have forced myself to eat many things that set me days in nausea and abdominal pain while I only enjoy liquids more and get high off of fruits, I love them so much half my OCs are named after some.. and drew.. drew even before I spoke because it was my only outlit to express because how much I'm told I'm like a robot, I'm so expressionless and non reactive and disgustingly literal, even when they actively beat me black Nd blue to stop drawing, I couldn't.. where do you free those emotions when U can, i needed emotion displays and heartfelt trimmers, thrilling or killing, I needed to do them as if my life depended on it, and I haven't realised it back then, but my life was dependent on them, even when I had 'no talent ' , as I have always been told.

(commissioned by precious Julia ♥️🖤)

And besides drawing my needs, I actually, physically, started to feel better when I didn't do what my body said it literally can't do, all my life:

-Walked away from my guardians arguments, my chest stabbing pains became less frequent.

Stopped "practicing" my voice &/or facial expressions, I talk for 2 minutes, immediately my whole face muscles hurt, voice is cracking and gone, I don't feel like my eyebrows hurt as much. I'm okay being the monotone no expresso train c:

-stopped eating what I "don't like" (I mean it's not like I have much choice, but stopped feeling guilty over refusing it cuz food be tight) Nd now I can actually drink more water, and my tummy aches are on lower levels now

-i stopped dealing with Discord, or group chats in general cuz I don't expect accommodation over things I can't deal with. Stopped stressing over doing engaging material that no body seems to care about, cuz I'm not a good judge of demand, or stressing over either I should be thanking everyone who spams me with likes or not, (while I appreciate it to the moon) 90% of the time they don't respond Nd Im forced to think like I've done something wrong. I'm now at more ease with posting — (literally I have to fight the urges to delete my socials daily) just with interacting with who addresses me (I lov U guys sm) and I've been more relaxed from it.

I returned to "speaking in riddles" cuz if I don't use the words my brain spews no matter how weird they R, a tire will pop somewhere on the other side of an AU- idk lo'

-i rock, hum and laugh OUT my maniacal laugh, hard and strong, continued loving and talking to my plushies as I used to do, the easiest thing I could do to feel calmer again. As everyone should do

.. I stopped saying the word sorry. It's a naughty Mani era.

Accepting these facts and many, even with having no will to live had me saner than I ever been, at least I hope so.

I just know that I have a few to be grateful of: that I'm still here somehow, even with my dwindling income, Nd my internet not worth costing 120$± I'm always grateful for the sudden one or two commissions that keeps me here and buys me coffee and pumpkins seeds..

I still struggle horrindously with sleep. But I'm grateful at least I'm at pure ease playing games. Games been my go to media for knowing basically all based on books they were made about, like Severus and Tintin, I still play their ps1 games! Tho I got stuck on this game & their sleep has given me so much ease lo

I'm at my happy place rn, heh.

Bonus panel: ye they R hungry for that SHI- lo 🙈

And an honorary appearance of my OC with Tintin hehe

Stay safe, don't feed the overconsumption machine, don't give up on your heartstrings's stringers, don't worry— there are people who think and feel like you always between the crowds, and I'm thankful that I share the same timeline with you♥️🖤

Sweet dreams 🌃 19.2.2024

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas,

Just a slight vent message, hope this doesn't bother you. But I'm trans (ftm) and like. Is it bad that I almost am transphobic towards myself? It's probably cuz of my past relationships, but I'll be like "omg i have a crush on *insert fictional chara who only likes men*", and then I'll feel guilty about it because like, I feel like I'm taking the gay away from them, which is bad. But I AM a guy, even if I still struggle with accepting it (I'm agender, so aligning myself with "man" has always felt yucky, but I've been embracing it more by overcoming my dislike/trauma of men).

But since so many people still see me as a girl, it makes me feel like that Does make me a girl, which makes no sense. So ig it's more that like other people's transphobia is making me transphobic towards myself. I'm okay with unlearning that but like. Idk how to make myself feel like I'm allowed to be attracted to gay men.

It's to the point that I've been saying I'm aroace (for many reasons), but also just cuz I feel like I can't be in a relationship with someone while having my gender validated and without invalidating their sexuality

Hi love!

This is 🌟internalized transphobia🌟 and is very common! A lot of trans people deal with feelings like this, because most of use were raised in a society where we were taught to think these things, or we were around people who think these things. Even though we know it's wrong, it's still hard to get those voices out of your head.

You're right though, it takes work to unlearn it, and the best way is to question it every time you think it. If you think "I can't like this guy" then ask yourself. "Why? Oh, no, I CAN! Because..."

What you're feeling is normal, and if you ever need someone to help you unlearn it, I'm here <3 I'm naming you unlearning anon!

[kzele]

Cold Hard Truths

Disclaimer: this story is not for fans of the Peter/Gwen ship! If you are a diehard shipper of them and dislike anything that pokes holes in that ship, do not read! On the flip-side, this is not a story that bashes anyone. It does, however, cast a critical light on Gwen Stacy and her canon choices.

Summary: Peter has very different feelings about the kiss on Thanksgiving than in canon and as much as he cares about Gwen, there are some things to air out if either of them can move forward.

As Peter continued to skate a little more away from Liz and Flash, he heard the scrape of approaching skates and looked up to find Gwen coming near him. He started to wave but the look on her face stopped him.

"You've been avoiding me all week long!"

"What?"

Peter recalled when he had tried contacting Gwen earlier only to get told she wasn't available by her dad when Peter could clearly hear her voice in the background. Didn't she not want to talk to him? He was already getting more confused by the second as to what this was all about.

She crossed her arms and glared a little, "I won't be your second choice."

 Peter really didn't feel like chasing her down to tell her his side of things AGAIN so he grabbed her shoulder, "Okay, look. I was going to tell you this over the phone but maybe this works out better doing this in person. . ."

She turned to look at him with curious, hopeful eyes.

He internally cringed. Saying this was going to SUCK. He took a deep breath and formed the words, "I don't see you as anything more than a friend."

Gwen's jaw dropped, "WHAT?!

People started to look their way, so she hunched her shoulders and dropped her voice, "I mean, you-you don't. . ."

Peter rubbed his eyes and sighed, "No, I don't. I'm sorry."

Gwen looked away, "Then. . .the kiss and the hints I gave. . ."

"Hints? I didn't realize you felt anything like that until you kissed me on Thanksgiving. And I was kinda too much in shock when you kissed me to say anything, " he stated, rather bluntly.

"Oh. . .I see."

She clearly didn't.

Peter felt awful seeing the hurt in her eyes, but it had to be said. The one good thing about the avoidance was that he had some time to review what he felt and ask May for advice. Surprisingly, his aunt was very supportive of his lack of feelings towards Gwen.

*flashback*

"Dear, you don't need to feel guilty about not returning someone's feelings. There's going to be no easy way to say something like this, especially to such an old friend."

Peter frowned, "But what if I say the wrong thing and end the friendship?"

His aunt shook her head, "Peter, unless you say something intentionally cruel and further trample the poor girl's feelings, it won't be you who ends the friendship. Whatever flaws in your upbringing or in you, I know for a fact that you are not naturally cruel nor did we raise to be so. Be straightforward but also be as kind as you can afford to be."

His shoulders deflated, "And if she ends the friendship? Won't it still be my fault?"

At this, May Parker took her nephew's face in her hands and spoke, "That would rest entirely on Gwen's shoulders. If she can't handle being 'just friends' then maybe she was never a friend in the first place. Friendship has a very special place in life and should never be undervalued or tossed away lightly. When Mary-Jane told you she wasn't ready for a serious relationship, did you stop hanging around her or enjoying her company even though you were a little hurt?" 

"No. You're right, Aunt May. Thank you."

She patted his cheek, "Don't mention it, Peter. It's what mothers do."

*end of flashback*

 "I-Gwen, I've always appreciated your friendship and I hope we can keep that going still! Just because I don't feel anything romantic between us doesn't mean I don't still care about you," Peter said while gently gripping her shoulders.

She remained silent both her head and eyes turned downwards.

He looked at her pleadingly, "Forget thinking about me in that way and move on, alright? You'll find that someone at some point and I'll support you 100%. Well, maybe not if they're a serial killer or abusive or something. Other than that I'm behind whoever you choose."

Peter thought he saw her lips twitch at that last part and gave her one last squeeze before letting go.

"Give yourself some time to adjust, alright? I'll see you. . .when I see you," he awkwardly stated before skating away. 

Great note to end that on, Parker, he thought. Gah! He could have kicked himself for making THAT his conversation ender. However, before he could further berate himself on his choice of phrasing. . . 

"Tiger, can we talk?"

Since only one person calls Peter that nickname, it wasn't exactly hard to guess the next person coming up to him. 

"Oh, hey MJ. Sure, I guess. What do you need?"

Mary-Jane Watson looked much less carefree than usual and her next words showed this. 

"What'd you say to Gwen? She looks like you told her Christmas was canceled."

He grimaced.

Wonderful, the rumors are practically starting already. Knowing how gossip mills love a bad guy, Peter will probably be made out to be the next Satan by the time the week is over.

"To make a long story short: she likes me beyond our friendship and I. . .had to explain that I don't see her like that."

MJ's eyes widened and she uncrossed her arms in shock.

"Peter," she said slowly, "she's had feelings for you since the third grade."

Oof. Now he feels worse.

"Oh, wonderful. That's not the best thing to hear when you're hoping for someone to move on quickly."

MJ frowned, "Do you really think Gwen's the one you should be writing off? She's been waiting for you for years and Liz only just started giving you the time of day. And even that still seems divided between you and Flash."

Peter shook his head. "First off, they literally just broke up this fall so of course they aren't over each other yet. Point two, Gwen could have told me much earlier than this year and we could resolved all this ages ago. Point three, neither of those previous points compare to the fact that I can't FORCE myself to like her like that."

"No one's saying you have to force yourself, Tiger. I'm just wondering if you've thought this through enough. You're not a neanderthal by a longshot, but you don't always know how to go about things like feelings. Maybe you should be giving yourself some time to really think before talking like that."

Her voice was set in a soft, coaxing tone but Peter was so done with this conversation and everything else today.

"I've had since Thanksgiving to think about it since she wouldn't return my calls. AND she had her dad stonewall me when the phone was picked up. I heard her talking in the background when he answered the phone, MJ. All she had to say was 'hey, I need some time to think before we talk' and I'd have been happy to wait. But I had no idea what was going on with her at all. If she's loved me since the third grade and we've been friends for even longer than that, why is it SO HARD for her to communicate with me what she wants?"

He knew it was kind of unfair, venting at MJ like this, but he couldn't say this to Gwen after he already took a sledgehammer to her feelings.

She had paused for a long moment and Peter was tempted to skate away like he had previous conversation, when she opened her mouth once more, "She didn't want to ruin the friendship she has with you."

He looked away for a moment before speaking, "I don't want that, either, but it's kinda hard to keep a friendship alive if it's this painful for us to talk to each other. As the social expert between the two of us, Mary-Jane, how much more difficult is it to keep a long-term romance alive if this kind of thing happens all the time?"

Dead silence was his answer as he pinned her stunned face with a searching look, ". . .Yeah. That's what I figured."

His voice held no hints of mockery, just tired expectance.

This time he didn't even bother with excusing himself; Peter just skated in the direction of the hot chocolate stand. Solitude and hot chocolate would really go a long way to improving his mood.

It would be not long after this thought that a lightning bolt hit the ice rink.

[myrandomfandomramblings]

Chenford week 2023 Day 3: Something’s Missing Day (July 13)

Incorrect dialogue (tumblr posts, tweets, etc.) or scenes you wish we’d seen

Missing moment or underrated moment

Amnesia, missing pet/person, missing object/ring, etc.

When I first watched the 5x02 ending I was shocked that they actually acknowledged what almost happened between them and I loved that! However,  I found the scene somewhat hard to follow as we didn’t really know where either of their heads were at and although Eric and Melissa absolutely nailed it with the emotion they can only communicate so much with facial expressions and tone of voice. So I decided to write a fic of that underrated moment and include what was missing for me: Lucy’s thought process.

---

Lucy’s internal monologue during the 5x02 ending - A Chenford fanfic

“Hey. What are you doing here?” Lucy says as she answers the door, surprised to find Tim on the other side. She hasn’t seen him much since the end of their UC op when they found Chris, bleeding out on Lucy’s couch. She hasn’t been purposely avoiding him. No. Just spending lots of time with Chris, helping him recover.

“Just checking in.” Tim replies casually, “How are you feeling?” He continues addressing Chris, seated behind Lucy in the living room.

“Okay. Lucy's taking great care of me.”

“I have no doubt,” Tim smiles, “Hey, can we talk?” he continues, addressing Lucy, timidly.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” She stutters stepping into the hallway for a little bit more privacy, unsure why he is here.

“So, I, uh... I hear you're on the fence about going to U.C. school.” Tim offers.

This is true Lucy has been struggling with deciding whether or not to attend UC school since she received the offer a few days ago. But she’s surprised Tim knows and is even more surprised he’s here to talk to her about it. 

“Chris called you?” She reasons.

“Yeah, which was unexpected,” Tim voices her thoughts, “Um, he wanted me to talk to you.”

She knows UC is a great opportunity and she is definitely still interested in a career in undercover work, even if her last UC op stirred up some uncomfortable feelings. It’s just she feels guilty leaving Chris while he’s still recovering, and she has enough things to feel guilty about regarding this relationship. 

She keeps it short when she replies: “It's not the right time.”

“He's gonna be fine.” Tim reassures her, once again seemingly reading her mind. “You owe it to yourself to go.”

“I know, but…” Lucy stutters, once again blaming herself for Chris getting hurt and nearly dying. After all, Rosalind had targeted him specifically to hurt Lucy. 

“What happened to him isn't your fault,” Tim interrupts her thoughts, trying to provide reassurance. 

But it doesn’t work. Because what Lucy really feels guilty about is not that because of her, he became a target of a serial killer, but because he hadn’t even crossed her mind when she heard about Rosalind’s escape. She had worried about Tamara and insisted she be kept safe but didn’t so much as think about Chris until she found him bleeding out on her couch. Didn’t so much as think about him when she kissed another guy, twice, and ultimately invited him back to her apartment for a night cap. A night cap that was only interrupted because Chris was already at the apartment, on the edge of death. And that’s really what she feels guilty about. 

But should she? Did she really do anything wrong? She’s been asking herself that a lot lately. Running through it again and again in her mind. The kisses had been for work, for an undercover operation which took a lot of bad people and dangerous goods off the streets. They hadn’t been real, hadn’t mean’t anything. She’s told herself that a million times and every time it’s answered by Tim’s voice inside her head: “call me crazy but it just doesn’t feel like pretend.” She’s still sticking with her basic biology theory and blaming that along with high levels of adrenaline for her highly questionable decision of inviting Tim in that night. She still doesn’t know what she thought would happen or what she wanted to happen had they not found Chris. She tries to tell herself nothing. Maybe a friendly drink. And she’s finally told herself that enough times that she’s started to actually believe it. Nothing happened. It was an innocent act and she has nothing to feel guilty about. Right? Okay maybe she doesn’t fully believe that, but maybe she should. Then she realizes the answer is standing right in front of her. 

“We were about to…” Lucy starts, fully expecting Tim to jump in and rationalize their actions. Lift this burden from her mind. She can already hear Tim chuckling casually as he teases her, “We were about to what?- have a drink together. Oh no someone better call HR.” Or she can see him rolling his eyes getting ready to correct her like he used to as her TO. “We were about to what?- sleep together. We wouldn’t have let that happen. The stress and excitement of the day may have gone to our heads a little, that’s it, it happens, it’s not a big deal.” But in either scenario she pictures Tim as the world usually sees him: calm, steady, and slightly amused by her antics. His default. What she doesn’t expect is what comes next.

“But we didn’t.” he jumps in almost immediately, voice laced with emotions, Lucy can’t quite identify, but they give the sentence a feeling of heaviness. “We didn’t.” He repeats as if trying to convince himself of something. 

That’s when it hits her. She didn’t just potentially hurt Chris when she invited Tim in that night, she also hurt Tim. Made him feel uncomfortable, confused, used, disappointed in her? She wasn’t sure, but the thought that she has damaged the relationship between them, the most important relationship in her life, nearly breaks her.

“Uh, are you trying to get rid of me as your go-fer?” She asks, suddenly terrified.

“No,” Tim forces a small smile as his voice swells with more unidentifiable emotions, “No, I'm trying to look out for you.” And his eyes are shining like he’s holding back tears and it’s hard for Lucy to bear. “It’s time for you to move on.” 

Lucy just nods, struggling with all the emotions swirling around in her mind. Move on from what? From patrol, from Sergeant’s aide, from him?

“And some time away would be good.” She asks, begging him to explain, to understand, to address whatever this tension is that’s suddenly built between them.

But he doesn’t, “It's a great opportunity, Lucy,” he says and all she can do is murmur as she tries to hold back tears of her own. “You should go for it,” he finishes quickly then turns and walks away.

And then she’s alone, standing in the hallway, feeling like her heart has shattered. She would have preferred he yelled at her. She’s used to angry Tim. They’re good at arguing. But she doesn’t know what to do with a Tim that’s seemingly radiating pain caused by her. She fears anything she might try will only make it worse. So she decides to give him the last thing she wants to: space. And as she stands there, trying to pull herself together, she vows to never do anything that could jeopardize her relationship with Tim, ever again.

[spinningbuster98]

Castlevania Symphony of the Night Part 1: Die Monster!.....in Japanese!!

We’re here folks

We’re finally here

And I’m playing the Japanese version! Why? Well let’s just say that there’s some content that was originally exclusive to the original japanese release which was cut from the international one. Said content was restored in the PSP version....but I decided against playing that. It’s a playable version, but it’s minor yet noticeable graphical downgrades compared to the original just bug me the wrong way

You can already spot a difference in the intro: the actual narrated text is english even in the Jpn version, and no it’s not due to me playing a translated rom, even untranslated it’s in english, just with a japanese voice over

What intrigues me is how the text itself was still largely rewritten in the international versions, yet even the japanese one calls Dracula’s Castle “Castlevania”, which I had always thought was just a quirk of the english localization and not something that was ever truly recognized by the japanese side of things, at least not until the mid 2000s when even the japanese versions started using that name as the series’ title for a time

However, while I can’t understand japanese, I can’t hear the narrator actually pronouncing the name “Castlevania” anywhere, so I’m going to guess that he’s reading from a different script?

Anyway there’s going to be...LOTS to talk about with this game, though luckily we’ll have plenty of parts to do so :)

Just to start off with something that everybody knows by now: this might just be the most beautiful sprite based game of its generation, probably of the whole decade of the 90s

Yeah sure there are a couple of weird imperfections here and there, namely Richter’s sprite still being from RoD instead of reflecting his redesign, except for one cutscene where he IS given an updated sprite (I guess that’s one point in favor of the Saturn version). This is pretty much the game that started the tradition of reusing old enemy sprites, especially guys from Rondo and a couple from Castlevania IV

But honestly? This stuff is barely even a blip on the radar here. Every sprite, every background is so detailed, so well animated, oozing with so much charm! Every enemy has their own unique death animation, there are a billion different animations for the various spells and secret moves, I could list stuff all night!

Alucard’s sprite and animations have entered into the realm of videogame legends now, which is funny because when you think about it his animations are just way too smooth compared to everything else he kinda sticks out, not to mention that the actual running animation looks silly with the way he moves his arms (not that the Belmonts in the previous games weren’t guilty of a similar running animation quirk with their ultra-manly walk cycles), but it’s just so mesmerizing to look at! He truly feels weightless, like some sort of wraith drifting through the night, with that cape, that hair, the after images etc

The funny part is that the game does implement a bunch of more typical PS1 3D effects, which you’d think would clash hard with the sprites and age the game badly but they actually end up giving it even MORE charm, because they’re usually relegated to 3D backgrounds, but the actual renders not only look pretty damn good usually, they actually help make some environments look more memorable and larger than life! The cathedral, the moving clouds, the houses in Olrox’s Quarters. The Magic Tomes that attack you in the Library technically clash so hard with the rest of the place, but the renders themsleves are nice and I fucking love watching them explode into a burst of flames as their letters just spill out from the pages!

I even love the SOUND EFFECTS in this game! I’m pretty sure that most of them are just stock effects, especially the ones for the transformations and whenever you use a potion....but I dunno they’re goofy in a good, charming way to me

And we haven’t even talked about the music! Oh God! I’ll save THAT for the next part!

[angelcakealec]

An apology...

Alec had excused himself early in the evening. Having about enough of everyone fawning over him. Which, he ought to have been thankful for. But he just wasn't. Because he would have much rather still been with Helenus. And not where he was at all. But not because he didn't want to see them all. He did. It was a constant internal battle between nephilim duty and also the irrational part of him that just wanted to crawl into bed with Helenus and hide himself away from everything for another night or twenty.

He sat on his bed, knees pulled to his chest, staring down at his phone. Wishing it would somehow come alive with a message for him. Though there was really only one person he wanted to hear from. And that person he had not spoken to since leaving the safety of the bookstore that morning. He scowled a little. Because damned be teenage hormones anyway.

A knock at his door startled his attention away from the dark screen. His scowl only deepened. Because he didn't want to see anyone right now. Least of all anyone currently residing in the Institute. And then he felt guilty for feeling that way. Because it really wasn't fair of him. None of them had done anything really. Save for Jace. AndJace wasn't even around to be mad at. Which Alec found very convenient for him. But Alec never could stay angry with Jace. This particular instance having gone on long after it ought to have ended. But Alec just wasn't feeling up to being the bigger person this time. So he decided Jace could rot for all he cared. And that was really a lot. His caring that is. "Come in..." He called, dejected really. Because he never could turn someone away that needed him.

There in the doorway, stood the object of his current turmoil. Jace. Alec narrowed his eyes at him. Not sure what this could possibly be about. It certainly wouldn't be an apology. Jace never did such things. Because he never felt that he could possibly be in the wrong. That anyone could possibly not want to see him. Alec raised his chin defiantly. He certainly didn't want to see Jace. Or so he wanted to believe anyway. "Finally come home?" He asked.

Jace looked, and Alec was a little startled in realizing it, a little stricken. Like he didn't know what he was doing there either. He hovered in the doorway. Seemingly between two places at once. "I should be saying that to you." He said, voice a little hoarse.

Alec stiffened a bit. "Well it's not like you went looking very hard for me, is it? I had to find my own way home."

"And it just happened to be the next day?" Jace asked, raising a brow. But still, very unsure. And that bothered Alec. Because Jace was never unsure.

"Well..." Alec replied, hostile at this point. He rested his chin on his knee, eyes boring into Jace and not very apologetically. "It's a little hard to actually get home. You know...almost dying and all."

And that hit home, and Jace flinched. Which gave Alec a little satisfaction. But then that was quickly replaced with an all consuming guilt. Alec didn't want to hurt Jace. Not really. He didn't want to hurt anyone. Least of all Jace. Who had actually been hurt more often than he liked to admit. He didn't say anything though. No doubt taking the guilt Alec just hurled at him. That also gave Alec a little satisfaction. Because he should take it. He'd caused it. There was an emotion in Jace's eyes. And Alec didn't know how to identify it exactly. He just knew it didn't belong there. "Can I come in?" He asked hesitantly. That was unlike Jace as well. When had he ever had to ask before?

Alec sighed. A weary sound. "Of course you can." He said softly. Because at the end of the day. Alec would never deny Jace anything. Least of all access to him.

Jace entered the room, hesitantly at first. It was then that Alec realized he was holding something. A small box. He came to stand next to the bed. Close enough for Alec to reach out and touch, though he wouldn't.

"What's that?" Alec asked when he stopped, gesturing to the box.

A small smile tugged onto Jace's lips. Almost normal, but not quite bright enough. "It's a box, Alec." He drawled. "You've seen one before. You put things in them."

Alec scowled at him. "I'm not stupid, I know what it is. I'm asking why you have one."

Jace considered the box in his hands for a moment. As if he were debating something. After a moment of silence, he presented it to Alec. An almost hopeful expression on his face. Which didn't belong there. A sarcastic Jace, Alec could handle just fine. But this one? Another story entirely. "It's for you. Actually."

Alec's expression twisted a bit. Accepting things from Jace was never a particularly good idea. It usually involved something less than desirable. Like a spider or a pink umbrella or something equally as vile.

The box hovered into his line of sight. A menacing thing. Alec almost expected it to birth additional heads or tentacles. "Alec...." Jace said, tone harboring on teasing. "It's for you." He repeated. "Take it."

With a heavy sigh, and the resignation that he was probably going to end up regretting this. Alec took the box. It wasn't especially heavy. He resisted the urge to shake the contents, only because Jace was staring at him.

Jace leaned forward a little, eyeing the box and then Alec. "Well? Aren't you going to open it? It's going to suffocate to death if you keep dawdling, Honestly, Alec. Don't you know how to accept a gift?"

The look Alec gave his parabatai was murderous. Though, he frowned after. Clearly he hadn't heard that quite right. Suffocate to death? What on earth was in this box? There was a scuffling sound, and a suspicious little peeping sound. Alec baulked.

Jace however, did not appear to be nearly as distressed by it as Alec was. He raised an expectant brow at him. Then gestured towards the box impatiently.

Curiously ran out over caution. And Alec lifted the top off the box. He nearly choked at what he found there. A small, fluffy little duckling. Alec made a strangled sound.

Everything else just seemed to fade away. Except for Alec, and the little duck. He cautiously reached into the box, picking it up in one hand. It was so small. So soft and fluffy. Alec came undone. Melting. Thoroughly and completely.

Jace sucked in a breath, as if he were afraid that Alec was going to yell at him or something. But Alec didn't even really realize he was even there for a while. It wasn't until the bed dipped under Jace's weight, that Alec had realized he'd sat down.

Alec didn't even know what to say. Or even how to say it at that point. Jace, who had always been rather terrified by ducks. Which was really ridiculous, but Alec never actually blamed him for it. It was endearing in a way. That Jace could actually be afraid of something. Had gotten him one. And Alec wasn't even sure how he'd done that. Had he touched it? Certainly he would have had to. The duckling nestled in Alec's hand. Making another little peeping sound.

"Did you know..." Jace began conversationally. "That you can't just steal a duck from the park?" When Alec looked at him, he nodded. "I know! I was amazed too. Who would have thought?"

"You didn't steal a duck?" Alec asked, still having a difficult time forming coherent thoughts. And an even more difficult time articulating the ones he managed.

"Well...." Jace replied, airily. "I could have." He said wiggling a bit so he could make himself comfortable on the bed. Though he wound up more draped over Alec than the actual bed. And Alec found he wasn't really all that upset about it. There was something centering about it. About how easily Jace could weasel his way back in. And Jace was a weasel. "But. I'll have you know I actually purchased that duck. I paid good money for it. So don't you go releasing it back out into the wild or some other nonsense. Because it likely won't survive. Then....you'll have a dead duck. A very dead duck. I won't be getting you another one. So...just...." He gestured at Alec. "Do whatever it is that is done with ducks."

Alec cradled said duck to his chest. Burying his face in its fluff. It was not at all how he'd expected to be spending his evening. Honestly, the idea of actually having a duck was so absurd. Yet somehow, it was now a reality. A reality that Jace had evidently created. Had put thought into, Not just the typical thought about hunting demons and flirting senselessly with people. But actual, preemptive thought. Likely, Alec would be salty about this later. About how easily Jace just played him. But at the same time. It felt almost like a sincere act.

Jace was content enough to leave the silence alone for a little while. Lazily lounging on the bed. Almost pressed against Alec. But it wasn't quite that close. Alec could have touched him though. If he'd wanted to. That closeness, was something that had been severely lacking lately. "I'm sorry...." He mumbled against Alec's side. Alec almost missed it entirely, as absorbed in the duckling as he was. "You're okay though....right?" He asked, voice so faint that Alec actually looked back at him.

"I'm fine." He said a little absently. "Just fine."