#feel free to kill me with hammers if you don't like being tagged

[first-blight]

[belated] i was tagged by @dilfbuck and @opaleyedprince to do this picrew with ocs hehe <3

iska (she/they. bg3) || silver (he/him. bg3) benjamin marlin (he/it. dredge) basil (they/them. sos awl) || eden (he/him. mea)

sadly, silver's beard is missing (he's old, that's why he has silver hair...); iska's scar should be more present and she has heterochromia. both of them have pointy ears (half elfs). eden's scar is bigger, too, and only in one direction, not crossed like this. but such is the nature of picrews

tagging uhhmm @strixhaven @woohooincoffin @spiderslyre @notmeowse and You, Dear Reader 🫵🏻

bonus under cut :)

sad boy hours

iska angel imagery because seraph <3

silver green bc nature but static bc well. sad man hours (also why he has dark circles that don't work so well with his skin here)

benjamin oh what are we gonna do with you... red to black fade as well as bloody scarf bc of The Horrors... sunglasses bc he's sensitive to light. dark circles because of The Horrors

basil once again the happiest of the bunch 😭 they're so cute....

eden sad man hours

sorry for always making the same 4.5 oc's do u still think im hot

[basorexia-formyboys]

SFW 2005

Hanma×Takemichi

Content warnings: Serial killer Takemichi, descriptions of violent murder, blood, the dead, ooc Hanma and Takemichi

Tags: @love-and-lore @savedbysinners

"Man why do they give serial killers such cool names" Nahoya chuckled a bit in disbelief as he watched the tv in Takemichi's room where a majority of Toman's uppers were hanging out while it rained outside.

"Hm? What's up?" Takemichi had been outside of his room, only coming in to the tail end of Nahoya's speaking. So the ginger delinquent looked his way while motioning to the tv.

"Apparently there's a serial killer in Tokyo that they're calling Gyokuto because the dude wears a rabbit mask and uses a hammer to kill people." Nahoya huffed and looked back to the tv. "He totally intended to be named that. Giving killers cool names like Gyokuto and Zodiac Killer only encourages it."

Takemichi paled slightly at the description but not for the reason his gangmates thought. While they were processing that their host might be queasy with killer talk, Takemichi was praying that his friends didn't recognize anything about him if cctv clips played and even more he hoped they didn't find the rabbit mask in the false bottom of one of the drawers of his desk.

🐇

Takemichi was a messy but good killer, he always had been. He left no prints, no dna, no hints that he was in any way involved. He'd been killing for years and watched as his murders showed up as dead-end cases every time.

So how could he be so sloppy?

Ocean eyes peered through the eye-holes of the rabbit mask he wore, staring at one Hanma Shuji who looked just as caught off guard. Except one of them was standing over a corpse with little remains of its head, splattered in blood, and wielding a sledgehammer and the other had just been cutting through an alley to get home. They were both frozen. Takemichi, like his mask's animal, was stuck like prey hoping to not be seen. Hanma was still like a human seeing a stray animal and not wanting to scare it away.

Hanma took a step forward and Takemichi took a matching step back, skidding his foot against the gravel as an audible warning incase Hanma didn't see him raise his hammer threateningly. The taller stopped all motion except putting his hands up in a surrender, confusing Takemichi whose expression contorted to show that behind his mask.

He whipped his head around to make sure he wasn't being snuck up on before looking back at Hanma and taking another step back.

"Wait wait– Gyokuto— I'm not going to tell or call anyone." Hanma's voice was hardly loud enough for Takemichi to hear but had the blond hesitating on his escape. He wasn't about to risk speaking, he wasn't sure how well Hanma could recognize voices but they'd met once and Hanma had to've heard him shout that Draken might be dead.

But he could risk taking steps closer. He was still armed and a better fighter than his gangmates knew, so he took slow steps towards Hanma who stayed where he was and let Takemichi take his own pace. Eventually the hooded and masked blond had circled Hanma, patting his free hand on the noiret's body to check for weapons and taking his phone. He even had the courtesy to show Hanma he was taking it and not just pickpocketing the other. He was a little shocked at the nod he recieved in return.

"Why are you so calm?" Takemichi breathed his words, squinting almost disdainfully as he tried to use the quietness to mask his true voice. Hanma let out a sigh of relief, neither of them sure why but not commenting on it either.

"No clue, I should be pissing myself and screaming for help shouldn't I?" Hanma chuckled quietly and Takemichi let out a quick irritated huff, walking a few steps closer to the body only to stop when Hanma spoke again. "Wait. Don't leave. Let me buy you a drink, alcohol or not. And you still have my phone."

"You're not getting your phone back." Takemichi didn't feel like entertaining the offer at all, scowling behind his mask at the delinquent and his lips turning down even deeper when Hanma huffed a laugh.

"Then you owe me a drink or ten. That phone wasn't free." Hanma really couldn't care less about his phone in the hands of someone worse but he wanted the leverage and could practically feel Takemichi sneer. It was awkwardly silent for a few moments before the blond heavily sighed and walked back.

"You're so fucking lucky I'm in a good mood." Takemichi scoffed and had a lot less hesitation as his free hand wrapped around Hanma's right wrist and dragged him deeper into the alley.

"This is you in a good mood? I'd hate to see you in a bad moo–" Hanma choked on his words as he was slammed into one of the walls deeper in the alley and hardly felt the breeze from the sledgehammer before it smashed into the wall beside him. The abruptness had him jolting to the opposite side and gasping for air in genuine fear like his lungs had been emptied.

"If I was in a bad mood, you wouldn't see me. That guy is your example." Takemichi pointed towards the corpse and Hanma nodded fast. Most forms of adrenaline spikes were Hanma's addiction. Fights, pain, even putting his and other people's life at risk. But having his life at risk out of his control was horrible. This made his heart pound painfully in his chest like it was trying to break his sternum.

"Noted." Hanma choked out the obedient acknowledgement and Takemichi took the hammer back, using the toe of one of his shoes to kick the crumbled brick pieces on the ground closer to the wall. Hanma watched while catching his breath and looked to the space that'd been hardly an inch to the left of his head. The bricks that remained in the wall were shattered and Hanma had to keep in mind that it could've been his skull in that state.

Takemichi was precise, fast, and Hanma's life was currently entirely in his hands. The noiret realized now that he was only alive because the masked teen was allowing it and he could do absolutely nothing to stop Takemichi if he decided Hanma should die. It didn't matter at all how durable Hanma was if it was a goddamn sledgehammer coming at him.

"Now c'mon, I want a coffee." Takemichi stepped back and Hanma took a deep breath, held it, and sighed it out while nodding and pushing himself off the wall.

"Think you should change or something? Most of Tokyo knows your mask." Hanma was a bit more wary with his words now but Takemichi still froze and had a moment of realization that made Hanma chuckle lightly and Takemichi glare at him. "Didn't think about that? Do you have something that would cover just the top half of your face?"

Takemichi shook his head and looked down, thinking. Truly who would believe Hanma if the Valhalla acting commander tried to point fingers at Takemichi? Would Hanma even want to reveal his secret? He had Hanma's phone and pat him down so he knew he couldn't be photographed and he'd still have his hammer while revealing himself incase Hanma tried to go and threaten him over it.

The blond sighed and looked back up at Hanma intensely.

"Keep in mind that, mask or not, I am the one who is a killer between the two of us." Takemichi spoke sternly and Hanma nodded, hardly biting back a grin. Blue eyes rolled and Takemichi peeled his white hood back, left hand revealing himself while his right hand stayed on his hammer.

He pulled the mask's festival-mask tie until it came undone and pulled the mask down until the top of it was just below his eyes and Hanma's were already lighting up and eyes wide with recognition while Takemichi's hardened with a dark glare.

"I'll kill you if you make me regret this." Takemichi spoke slow and Hanma swallowed thickly while nodding and watching the mask be lowered the rest of the way.

"Holy shit.." Hanma breathed out his awe, actually really enjoying this twist despite his life still being at risk. When Takemichi hummed to prompt a more explanatory reaction and tilted his head, Hanma could thoroughly imagine real rabbit ears and tail budding from the killer with curious little twitches.

The thought had him a bit pink cheeked and wearing an upside-down smile, leaning down just a little so they were face to face and getting a small grin at the unamusement on Takemichi's face. The disdain was so clear now but Hanma really didn't care.

"Well let's go get coffee then, moon bunny. Hope you know a place your little Toman buddies won't be because I only know of two places that are open this late and serving coffee. One is in the heart of Shibuya and the other is my apartment." Hanma watched as an irritated scowl spread across Takemichi's face and he started tapping his foot.

"I will let myself get arrested just to slit your goddamn throat, Hanma." Takemichi nearly growled the threat and Hanma just huffed a small laugh, shaking his head and pulling back.

"Alright alright. But seriously, do you know a place? It won't look good to your buddies if we're hanging out. Especially so late. " Hanma was sincere about that part at least and Takemichi hummed while looking at the body that was quickly making the alley smell like iron.

"Let's just go to your apartment, it's easiest" Takemichi shrugged and looked back to Hanma who nodded and spoke a short 'follow me then'.

He knew the alleys around here well, what places had cameras out back and what places didn't and how to get to his apartment nearly completely off the grid. Takemichi was quiet but oddly comfortable as he followed close all the way up into the top floor apartment. It was a studio but roomy, Takemichi letting out a small sigh of exhaustion as they entered. He set his sledgehammer on the floor near the door, not really caring if he got blood around his host's apartment, and left his shoes, hoodie, gloves, and mask in the genkan area since they were all bloody. He couldn't exactly take his pants off but he didn't care much beyond the easy stuff.

Hanma breathed a laugh and walked to the kitchen, filling the coffee pot while Takemichi walked straight out to the balcony and rested his elbows on the railing. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, relaxing with the cold night air and knowing he'd just successfully ridded the world of another piece of shit excuse for a human.

"You smoke, bunny?" Hanma's voice was closer but Takemichi wasn't wary and just turned around to the noiret holding an open box of Mevius cigarettes his way with one already in his own mouth. The blue eyed teen hummed an agreement but caught Hanma off guard by snatching the one between the taller's lips and placing it between Takemichi's own. It drew a snort from Hanma and he grabbed another for himself.

"A killer and a thief. Any other crimes I shoukd know about?" Hanma lit his own cigarette and gave Takemichi his lighter to do the same, watching in interest. Knowing that this average, even weak, delinquent was a serial killer made Hanma just naturally interested in everything the blond did. Were their any tell-tales at all?

"A lot actually but we'd be here for a while if I tried to list them." Takemichi lazily smiled around his cigarette and lit it before handing the lighter back, taking a deep drag and blowing it directly at Hanma.

"I'm going to poison your damn coffee." Hanma huffed a laugh with his threat and walked back in the apartment with Takemichi on his tail going and sitting on the bed. He looked to the headboard and noticed a couple old stuffed animals, smiling genuinely at them.

"Do it, I'd be eternally grateful. And your stuffed animals are cute, any of them have names?" Takemichi's tone was nothing but sincere and Hanma looked at him in a bit of light shock, glancing to the aforementioned plush toys and then back at the coffee pot as it finished filling.

"The elephant's name is Hinode, named after this guy that was like an uncle to me. Not the best influence but he kept me fed, sheltered, and alive. The others don't have names." Hanma answered with an uncharacteristically fond smile and Takemichi nodded, looking back at the plushes.

"I have to write the names of mine on the tags, I don't like to forget their names but I usually do. Only one I remember is a little white rabbit plush I named Tsuki. He's a baby toy, rattle in his body, crinkly ears, and buckwheat in his feet but he's my favorite." Takemichi offered that Hanma wasn't alone in having plush animals and the taller huffed a laugh.

"Careful choosing favorites, it hurts their feelings" Hanma brought two mugs of coffee over and sat beside the killer, smoking while he let his coffee cool down.

"Says the one who's only given one of them a name. At least all mine have something to be called." Takemichi laughed out as well and took a sip of the still steaming coffee, enjoying the scald.

"Touché." Hanma laughed out his response and leaned a little against Takemichi, his head on the blond's. Takemichi eased into it and relaxed his head on Hanma's shoulder.

"You're fucking weird for not like.. threatening to turn me in or even trying to get evidence to use as leverage." Takemichi mumbled his words, not needing to speak loud since it was just the two of them so close. Hanma took a drag of his cigarette and Takemichi followed while the noiret blew out the smoke and turned his head so his forehead was against the top of Takemichi's head.

"Would you prefer I did that?" Hanma spoke even quieter, the question partly rhetorical and partly genuine on if that's what Takemichi wanted.

"No.." Takemichi only gave the short but genuine response back, staring down at his coffee. He knew Hanma didn't drug it or anything but the warmth of it, the soothing of the nicotine, and the fading rush of having just killed was making him exhausted.

Hanma seemed to get that as he put out his cigarette on the nightstand on his side and gently took Takemichi's coffee and cigarette so he could set their drinks on the bedside table too. The bleach blond watched in quiet confusion until he was actually being shifted like a ragdoll to lay down on top of the covers with Hanma pulling him close.

"Get some sleep, it's like three in the morning. I'm not going anywhere." Hanma whispered the reassurances and Takemichi looked at him, squinting and staring him in the eyes from inches apart. No matter the hands rubbing his back and their legs tangling together, no matter the care he'd been receiving and the safety he was feeling, he still looked deep into those gold eyes for any sign of a trick and Hanma let him with no qualms.

After a few minutes Takemichi hummed and settled a little.

"Can I borrow a pair of your pajama pants or a shirt or just sleep in my boxers? These are bloody and it's sticking to my legs." Takemichi mumbled the request and Hanma chuckled quietly, nodding and sitting the blond back up at the edge of the bed.

"What would you prefer, bunny? My shirt, my pants, both, or just your boxers?" Hanma walked over to his dresser and started shuffling through while Takemichi watched. The half asleep blond pushed himself to stand and walk over, lightly tugging on the t-shirt Hanma currently wore.

"This and my boxers." Takemichi spoke shamelessly and Hanma looked to him almost lovingly for a moment, stripping off his shirt near immediately and handing it over. Takemichi sat on the bed and, before he could do it himself, Hanma was helping to take his pants off and walking to the kitchen, shuffling the cabinet of cleaning supplies below to find something to remove the blood.

"It won't come out. Take your phone out of the front left pocket and just throw it and the shirt away. I'll borrow some of your stuff to go home, change, and get you your clothes back another night." Takemichi was exhausted but he knew he'd ruined his clothes might not having thoroughly planned this murder. Hanma gave a noise of agreement and tossed his phone onto the bed beside Takemichi before tossing the clothes. A sign of trust, letting Takemichi hold onto the phone.

The blond put it on the nightstand on his side and watched in confusion as Hanma walked over with a warm wet rag and a dry one. His face lit up pink when the taller kneeled in front of him and washed the blood off his legs like he served Takemichi somehow.

"You don't nee-" Takemichi didn't get to finish and let out a small pouty huff as he was interrupted.

"I want to. You're the only one I've trusted besides Hinode to come into this apartment, I usually would rather stab myself with a rusty dull bread knife than let someone in my personal area but.." Hanma sighed and it went without saying that even he was confused by the spontaneous deep trust he had in Takemichi.

Takemichi reached forward and rand his right hand through Hanma's hair while the kneeling teen finished cleaning his legs. Takemichi spread his legs and pulled Hanma into a hug, the older's head resting on Takemichi's chest and listening to his heartbeat.

"Go put the rags away and come to bed with me Shuji. You can sleep on my chest, I'm not going anywhere either." Takemichi spoke softly and kissed the top of Hanma's head. The noiret looked up at him with an expression that was almost pouty.

Hanma didn't intend to look so pouty but he absolutely didn't regret it when it earned him a short but so so sweet kiss to his lips from the serial killer who wore his shirt. While Hanma stood, Takemichi was climbing under the blankets and was being so caring as he repositioned the stuffed animals so none were at risk of falling or getting squished.

The older did as told and changed into pajama pants before getting under the blankets too. Hanma pulled Takemichi close to him all the same but this time Hanma's head was heart-level and he rested against Takemichi's chest with his hair being played with and the blond's other hand rubbing his shoulder and shoulderblades.

They both fell asleep faster and easier than ever before, indescribably comforted by eachother.

Hanma was already awake when Takemichi woke up ten hours later but the noiret hadn't moved hardly at all, still yawning and rubbing his cheek on Takemichi's chest. He'd scooted up a bit to tuck his face into Takemichi's neck while holding the blond close possessively. Hanma didn't want to share the serial killer with anyone, especially not this cuddly and safe side of him.

"Good morning handsome" Takemichi whispered the greeting before yawning and Hanma waited until Takemichi was done to happily kiss him and get a kiss back.

"Good afternoon beautiful bunny" Hanma mumbled his response into the kiss and Takemichi hummed, pressing into it a little more before pulling away and admiring the taller. He ran his hands through the black and blond bedhead with pure affection in his eyes.

"What time is it? I was supposed to go to school today" Takemichi didn't care much for the classes, especially now that he was a timetraveller and knew all the curriculum, so he wasn't upset but he knew his phone probably had a ton of missed calls from Mikey and Hinata.

"A little after one according to the alarm clock on the nightstand behind you" Hanma spoke between soft kisses to Takemichi's neck and collarbones, treasuring every inch of the blond and making sure to show it even as Takemichi grabbed his head to look. "Your phone's rang a bunch."

Hanma loosened his grip, expecting Takemichi to want to immediately go over and check who had contacted him and why, but Takemichi just grumbled that Hanma better hold him again, the noiret doing as asked in confusion.

"They can all fuck off and wait, you're more important." Takemichi mumbled the sincere reason, hugging Hanma around the neck while the golden eyed boy looked at him with love. Takemichi gave a small sleepy smile to the other and got kisses peppered all over his face, both of them ending up grinning.

"You're the most important person to me" Hanma whispered his loving words before directly kissing Takemichi. "I love you so much" He breathed the confession into the kiss and Takemichi pulled him closer, taking his turn to kiss all over Hanma's face.

"You're everything to me and I love you too Hanma Shuji, my most trusted and most important.. My entire world" Takemichi loved getting to be so fully loving, not hiding a single bit of himself but all of him being loved. Hanma felt the same and admired Takemichi like he'd hung the moon and stars, one of his hands combing through dandelion blond hair.

"Is it too early to propose?" Hanma breathed a small laugh with the question but he wasn't exactly joking and it made his heart flutter when Takemichi understood that quick. It made him feel so known.

"How about we get promise rings for now? We can engage, elope, whatever in our own time" Takemichi cooed, completely serious and giggly when Hanma kissed all over his face while repeating 'yes' like a mantra.

"And why don't we go look now? I'm sure there are plenty of other delinquents involved with people in other gangs that aren't traitors." Takemichi gave the suggestion with a chuckle and got a kiss on his lips.

"Yes yes yes. I'll tell you anything you want to know about Valhalla. I'll be the traitor if one of us needs to be." Hanma whispered his promises, loving Takemichi so much more than he cared about any of the taking down Mikey shit. Takemichi gave a happy hum and ran his hands through the black and gold bedhead.

"Well hopefully you won't have to be, reaper.." Takemichi chuckled, rubbing their noses together. He had to admit that he enjoyed that his lover played by his own rules just like Takemichi did. It would make life together so much easier.

[malaierba]

lvd no tengo ni idea si alguna vez te pasé o viste mi blog principal pero pues. it's me alma!!! yippee!!! (?

1, 4, 9, 14, 19, 26, 40 (if you didn't feel free to ramble about your fav snacks!!!), 49, 50

Holiiiiiii o/ ~ ¡Ya me había dado cuenta que eras vos! :-)c La más Sherlock de todxs AHRE

Thanks for all the questions bbbbb 🖤

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

Right now a big one is Toshiro from DunMesh ;; Constantly rotating him in my brain lol & constantly putting him in situations with Laios and/or Namari and/or Kabru (sometimes Hien and Falin, been thinking about him + Izutsumi lately too?)

Feels weird to call him a comfort character? but I also really like Adam from Hazbin Hotel. Funny silly guy, SOOO fucked up in the head, pretty terrible person really. The attrocities are part of his charm though. Besides *slaps his ass* this big boy can fit sooooo much Divine Trauma in him lol 💋👌

And ofc my original babygirl Karamatsu. His cringefail rizz has enthralled me.

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

DUENDES are real and they keep hiding my fucking things. TCH.

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

They're both my wives I can't play favourites (depends on the climate, usually hot in the morning and iced in the afternoon)

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

Yeah! reminds me of my childhood!

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

If you want fucked up nails, sure! /SHOT

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

Killing a rude interlocutor that's yelling at me over the phone. with hammers. lol no jk. Huh, if we take into account fantasies, I know EXACTLY what I'd ask from a genie if I found one. Too embarrassing to admit in public but hm, yeah, I know what I'd ask for if I could have anything at all.

did you have any snacks today?

I guess the cuca I posted earlier counts as a snack? I don't generally snack tbh, I focus on meals. My eating pattern usually goes from 3 meals + maybe a protein shake in the afternoon (when my life is under control)(not now), to 2 or 1 after work, kind of depends. I skip breakfast a lot and if I'm hungry but too busy to have lunch a Monster does the trick, it's whatever to me.

Still gonna list some of my favourite snacks though hehe: Tostiarepa, Choclitos, Chokis my beloved, i used to have these little bitches in Paris and I was obsessed with them, and I tried these protein bars last time I was in London and I swear to goth Alma I miss them everyday ;___;

can you skip rocks?

Not really o(-< Never lived anywhere where it was something I could practice often?

can i tag you in random stuff?

YES FOREVER please do you know i'm chatty and ilu !!!!

[bloodyknucklesforme]

Sauvignon Blanc | Guest Check

Tags: Nina first person POV train of consciousness, suicidal thoughts, self harm, substance abuse, it's a heavy one, sorry

The year I was born was the year that the government made it so that paracetamol had to be sold in blister packs rather than bottles. It was meant to prevent suicides as opening up individual packs was harder and gave a person more time to think. I want nothing more than to kill myself every time I have to dig my nail in to pop the foil but whatever. It worked, at least from what I've been told, never bothered to actually look it up.

Paracetamol poisoning is lousy fucking way to go anyways. Very English to choose a slow and miserable death. On par with the other preferred, yet slow, method of alcoholism. Nothing beats a destroyed liver and kidneys, I suppose.

I decided years ago how I'd kill myself. I won't mention it here in case someone gets nosy and gets me sectioned. It's not something I dwell on, but it feels like a back up plan, I guess. Like how some women have a secret cash fund in case their boyfriend beats them, I have my suicide plan.

I don't want to kill myself. More out of not wanting to hurt Kyle than anything else. It also seems like too much work most days. Why kill myself when I can drink a bottle of wine and curl up in bed?

There are rough days.

Like a spring is being compressed inside me and one day it'll release in some violent display against myself. I have to gently release the pressure. Always quietly. Always invisibly. Fear of my father trumped all other emotions growing up.

Plucking body hair (avoid the face!) and skin picking and scratching (avoid face and hands!) being two particular favorites of mine. One pair of tweezers can reliably do both. Sit in the tub to clean away any hair, skin or blood. Come out and present myself like the glossy, red eyed girl I am.

It's my biggest secret, strangely proud of that. Kyle doesn't know, despite once walking in on me aggressively plucking arm pit hair out (Do you not own a razor, you weirdo?). Growing up in the early era of "mental health awareness" that hammered in this behavior was not done for attention. That only made me feel worse as a teen, who fantasied whole heartedly about her father walking in on her, razor in hand, who would then fall to his knees and sob out apologies for not paying enough attention to her to notice. I never good at getting his attention in the first place so feeling like it was faux pas only increased my covert skills.

None of that helps with the post pain shame. The patheticness of it all. If I was a man I could simply punch a whole in the wall and break my fist. I don't want any more pity. My family is already dead.

Everyone looks at me different now. i try to act like it doesn't bother me and most of the time it doesn't. I'm not really friends with the rest of the staff at work.

It's Kyle though. Twenty odd years of friendship and he looks at me differently. I don't know if its pity or something else but I hate it. It's like he gets sad looking at me. I don't want to be that. Sex was never rough rough but now its like he doesn't want to break me, like he's afraid to touch me.

We broke up. I couldn't fucking do it. It was like chewing glass.

The only person who doesn't look at me differently, abiet he rarely looks at me at all, is Simon. Maybe it's why I let him take me home and basically give him free reign.

I don't have to think about it. I don't have to worry about him telling me he loves me. I don't have to worry about disappointing him. It might be because he doesn't actually like me so nothing I do will make him think less of me. I can just lay there. He does the work to make me cum and that's it. Wears a condom without complaint too.

It's easy.

He doesn't stay the night, which is fine, I can just enjoy myself with a bottle of wine in bed.

Tag List: @queen-ilmaree@macravishedbymactavish@gogh-with-the-flow@water-bearz @pvssytrux

[aresianrepose]

Can I ask about the Bruce and Jason argument scene you mentioned in your tags? 👀👀

You can find the fic here

The specific chapter that houses the argument here

I honestly did a shit job with the summary and it's the first multichapter fic I've written in probably about 3 years so it's a bit rusty with the plot hooks. So yeah, here's a little excerpt that ties into that specific post from the argument! It leans heavily into the idea that Bruce's arguments and stances are entirely based on his morals and feelings, even when he wants to pass them off as logic through stonewalling and stoicism.

Also, this fic is meant to have long-term character growth (with an intentional third-person limited POV) so if anyone yells at me about Bruce and Jay's bad relationship you get dunked in the ice bucket of critical thinking and reading skills.

Excerpt under the cut.

"Why?" Jason's voice broke around the word. His heart hammered in his chest, not wanting the response he knew was coming. "Why is he alive?"

"You stopped me once. You know why." Bruce replied quickly, but seemed to be having a conversation he already had a million times. As if he knew exactly where it went, what would be said, and the inconvenience of having to actually talk it through was painfully trite.

"I still ended up fucking dead. I stopped you to end the violence that you showed me comes with that brand of justice. And I still ended up fucking dead." Jason searched Bruce's face for any reaction to his words and came up painfully empty.

"Is this conversation really necessary?"

"Yes, it fucking is. I deserve that much. You watched a serial killer take my life and then just fucking gave him a free pass to kill more people." Jason was completely thrown off. He knew that he would have to fight Bruce on the moral viewpoint he was offering, but the idea he would have to fight him to acknowledge the need for the conversation floored him. He had been dead to Bruce for four fucking years and he didn't want to talk about it?

"The sanctity of human life applies to everyone. Even if you don't want to admit it does." Bruce was firm, unwavering.

"The sanctity of human life? Allowing Joker to live is a violation of the sanctity of human life,” Jason laughed incredulously, his bubbling anger tinging the laughter with bitterness. Jason's face and neck were getting hot. The collar of his shirt seemed to be shrinking, choking around his throat as he spoke. “It makes you responsible for the blood on his hands. Fucking rivers of innocent blood. I do value life. If someone has their chance at redemption and they can’t be contained, then the blood of those they kill is on the hands of those who should've put them down."

"Is that your reason for coming home? Revenge?" Bruce raised his eyebrows, his judgment in Jason evident.

"Justice." Jason hissed.

"There are systems of justice that meet that need. No man can not be judge, jury, and executioner." Bruce spoke as if he was teaching a child not to touch a hot stove.

"You started this because the justice system was corrupt and couldn't bring you justice. Why do you keep relying on it then? To hand over these repeat, violent offenders who have every chance to rehabilitate but choose not to. You're not a fucking idiot. You know the outcome. You know he can't be stopped. You know the cost of every breath he takes. This isn't about saving lives for you, if it was you'd take on the personal cost of taking a life to save others. That's a price I'm willing to die by. I actually give a fuck about individual lives, not the idealized concept of a city." Jason had moved to the edge of his seat, leaning forward as he spoke. He could feel every pounding heart beat in the smallest capillaries in his body.

Bruce sighed heavily. It only caused Jason's anger to flare. He knew his argument was solid and yet Bruce was treating him like a naive child. As if he hadn't spent years being a vigilante, as if he hadn't learned these lessons first hand. As if he wasn't giving up everything he wanted to bring the only kind of justice that would stop someone like the Joker.

"The sanctity of life-" Bruce started but Jason cut him off again.

"What's the point of doing what we do if we can't do what the law won't?" Jason demanded. "Little girls are locked up for life for killing their pimps while repeat offenders get off with slaps on the wrist? Or even worse, never tried at all. Do you know the percentage of assault cases that actually get pursued? What is the point of what we do?

"Everyone can change, not everyone will. And your circle jerk about not killing a man who has proven that he will not change and will continue to take lives with a staggering amount of power to do so only shows me the outright idiocy of your choice to become a vigilante. Just go put on a fucking uniform. Get a badge. You're choosing not to be a cop to get out of doing paperwork. Should've been a pig instead of a fucking bat." Jason's voice echoed through the study, chest heaving with every gasping breath between his words.

He felt like a battering ram, trying to beat past Bruce's stonewalling. Every cyclical thought since he had learned Bruce hadn't killed the Joker, every imaginary confrontation leading to this moment. Hours and hours of sitting in silence and arguing with Bruce in his own mind, trying to win. It all spilled out of his mouth in rapid fire. He would not be silenced. Bruce would hear every word.

"Where would the line be? Who gets to decide what is deserving of death? It would be too easy to cross that line and hold that power over who lives and who dies. To deal out death to whom I see fit without any repercussion is a slippery slope that would only lead to a gross perversion of justice. I thought I had taught you at least that much.” The disappointment in Bruce's voice cut Jason deeper than he realized it would. He didn't anticipate just how much he had hoped Bruce would see and understand him. The subsequent realization that Bruce would never see him cut into the tender, dead child inside of him. He railed against the pain, his jaw tightening.

"You're not listening! I don't know why I fucking try with you. Why can't you ever just fucking listen to me? It's always about you and your fucking amorphous morals. How does it feel to be the god of your own universe? Treating everyone in your life as pawns you get to swoop in and rescue, control, and push until they fall? This isn't about the stupid fucking game you play. This isn't about how fucked it is that you think you own this city. This is about your son standing in front you begging to be fucking heard. You value philosophical concepts more than your actual living, breathing son.

[chiefwritesbook]

Writeblr Q&A

I have been tagged by @scifimagpie (ty for tag) so I shall attempt to answer these questions lezzgo

1. What motivates you to write?

The soup brain has too many thoughts & I have to get them out. Also spite because my asshole 8th grade English teacher said my writing assignment was only worth a C (he was the ONLY one btw I got consistently vv high grades before him) & my Chinese immigrant friend got marked down for not being good at English. Fuck you Mr English teacher

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

(idk have this one from early chapter 2 I guess)

“You mean to say that I was bait,” Talin said.

“Not the word I would use, but in a way, yes,” Red Wolf confessed.

“Why?”

“You have been on the throne for less than a year. If someone wants you dead this quickly, something is amiss. I’d like to find out what.”

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

My boy Red Wolf. He's just...yes. Autistic werewolf puppy. Could definitely kill me without hesitation or talk me to death with weapons knowledge. I would thank him if he punched me.

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

I like not writing.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Worldbuilding, no doubt. I am simultaneously the best and worst at worldbuilding. You want a 2000-word essay on how languages & regional dialects evolved over time? I gotchu covered no problem. Want me to stop elaborating on how Hellhound magic is linked to the moon & actually write my sequels? Absolutely not.

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

I think the writeblr community is chill. Like y'all are just here for a good time and I can 100% respect that & get behind it. I get to write unhinged answers to these questions & not feel bad about it bc I don't have to self-impose ridiculous societal concepts such as 'maintain a professional image on social media'.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

Scrivener? Am I allowed to say Scrivener even though I use at most like 2% of their features. I am the kind of person who if given nothing but a notes app & a two-hour uni class to sit through will hammer out a full chapter in those two hours instead of paying any attention to class. On the other hand if you want me to actually write during my free time I'm sorry I'm too busy procrastinating writing with art & procrastinating art with gaming.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

This is not a wise question to ask me (see: question 5) unless the goal was to make me sit here for ten minutes typing out an entire essay's worth of worldbuilding word vomit, in which case well played. However for the sake of my own free time & sanity:

The legal system in Kies Tor is probably the single greatest thing I've ever constructed & it plays a crucial part in the plot & was built off the early British/European court system as well as my own special interests in law & criminology. In short it's trying its best but it's also deeply fucked up and I love making the fucked up parts fuck up my characters.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Don't feel pressured to write. If you're staring at the same thing for weeks/months on end of course it's gonna get stale. Heck this Q&A post is the most I've written in weeks.

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

@witch-king-of-angstmar ofc (no pressure to answer tho) but other than that I never know who to tag. I have social anxiety what is an interacting. If you see this on your dash consider yourself tagged

[duckydae]

exo-l tag challenge

so now that exo's coming back to properly celebrate their 10th anniversary, thought i'd send this around so we can have a wee giggle and reminisce

dunno if any of my moots are still active anymore so feel free to do this whether or not you follow me! also feel free to tag me, need some new exo-l blogs to follow as my dash is very exo-less

when did you first learn of exo?

this is really cringy but i first saw exo in twenty-fourteen on a 'youtubers react to k-pop', they were reacting to "overdose" and i kid you not, i was so put off their styling i wanted nothing to do with it. i hated it (and i still bloody do)

and then, a little while later they put out a 'teens react to exo' and i hadn't connected they were the same group. anyways, i saw yixing with that blonde hair and my mind went "that one, i like that one"

so don't let anyone ever tell you a visual is a stupid position

(it was probably a lot to do with the fact the boy i really liked had the same hairstyle)

turns out, my friend at the time was vaguely into them (she was more into super junior & shinee) and we just clicked over that and the rest was history

who was / is your bias?

yixing was my first bias ever, and i vaguely remember bouncing around yixing + luhan but i think like a month in jongdae committed the cardinal sin of a bias wrecker and became the ult bias

don't ask me how, it might have been showtime? but yeah jongdae's been my ult since twenty-fifteen. oh god.

where you team exo-k / exo-m?

i was pretty openly exo-m, because yixing was my bias and would only exclusively listen to their versions of the b-sides, until "the war" and it's funny that jongdae became my bias because i really don't think it was his vocals that sold me on him because i was too busy thinking "i wish lay would get more lines"

now looking back, yeah jongdae (and yixing) were my bias individually but as a collective, i preferred exo-k (also, "candy" and "mirotic" were better than "sorry sorry" + "happiness")

favourite m/v?

"lotto". not my favourite song in the world but the aesthetics, the 'plot', jongdae in the white smashing up that table with a hammer? ugh, love it. jongdae and baekhyun's era.

i love a music video with a plot, i would love to see them do a "now" or "365 fresh" but i don't think my heart could take it lol

honourable mentions: monster & i love 'love shot' probably because its in the same vain as "lotto" if it were less plot, more vibes.

also chanyeol with no shirt and that black leather, ugh.

the music video isn't my favourite, but i love the 'alice in wonderland' aspect of "love me right"

favourite album?

i think it really depends on what day you ask me, also my favourite album isn't always the one i think its their best. i'm really enjoying the obsession album right now but the "love me right (exodus)" is exo's magnum opus and dare i say "lotto (ex'act)" is the best sequel since shrek two.

but i really didn't like "love shot (don't mess up my tempo)" and it killed me inside but i only liked two of the b-sides

top ten tracks?

exodus

heaven

thunder

my lady

forever

cosmic railway

white noise

hurt

christmas day

fall

favourite soloist / subunit?

unit is absolutely exo-cbx. their "hey mama" mini-album is a no-skip album, their second mini wasn't really for me but "vroom vroom" is amazing also jongdae's "watch out" is brill but i can't listen to it without remembering him decking it on stage

that said, i still mourn the concept of chenbaeksoo unit and i'm still really disappointed sment didn't milk the shit out of that trio like kry or tts before them

favourite performance?

it feels a bit cliche to say the "wolf (remix)", the olympics or "artificial love" so i think i'll have to go with twenty-fifteen's mama set it was fantastic, show stopping and a bit chaotic

but shout-out to baek's "monster" in tokyo dome. y'all baby exo-l missed out on the shitstorm that was tumblr / twitter.

also, not a 'favourite' but cbx in "run this" at the golden disk awards being visibly pissed-off and screaming into their mics because of the "lip-sync" rumor

your exo hot take?

not an unpopular "hot take" but i know folk get stick for it

i really dislike superm, like seriously. i really dislike sm's management of it. sm had a perfectly good group to go up against bts on a global stage and they screwed it up. they weren't rookies like most of nct, they weren't too "out there" like shinee and the less said about suju the better.

also, they're a 'global group' yet all their best songs are mostly korean.

but they squandered it, they prioritised the nct brand both with the group itself and superm and tacked exo + taemin into their daft group to make older fans give a shit and they took away exo's chance at their final ot8/9 comeback before enlistment.

also, whilst it was for the better, kris leaving exo really stilted their international growth as a unit and individuals, honestly just the china line generally as they are collectively a lot stronger in their english as opposed to the korean members

showtime, ladder or arcade?

overall, ladder but i love showtime, especially episode eleven. i think that's when i first thought "hey that really fucking loud guy is pretty cute"

collab you'd like to see (western + k-pop)?

in regards to sm, i would love to see taeyeon, wendy, kyungsoo and jongdae take a shot at either a jazz or r'n'b collab track.

k-pop generally, baekyeol + dreamcatcher

western, bruno mars & kyungsoo

what would you like for exo to do next?

sm please! give me an english version of their title! almost everyone else at sm has one! hell, there was literally an english version of "the eve"!

but also, royalty concept (they've bloody earned it and exo-l's can't keep suggesting it every comeback)

but personally, it'd love to see a twenties or thirties "great gatsby" concept

funniest exo moments(s)?

"say hey!" that entire performance is a disaster, baek getting interrupted, then spooked by a pyro and finally jongdae decking it in the dance break of "growl"

the water fight during exoluxion

jongdae's outbrust at sehun on knowing bros

exomentary's bowling episode (rip chanyeol)

sehun and the beluga whale

the exo-l screaming "yah baekhyun!"

jongdae scaring the shit out of doni on weekly idol (deserved)

everyone yelling that baekhyun picked 'i got a boy' and not ‘gee’ like a normal person (personally luhan made the best choice)

baek, tao and luhan's haunted house run

heechul's various impressions of kyungsoo on knowing bros

favourite line?

chingu, we never get to see them anymore but they (especially the beagles) were always tied to the hip, that said i've defo gone soft for the maknae line

who's the traitor? is there one?

kris it's absolutely jongdae. i know folk think it's baekhyun but or chanyeol but after "lotto", i feel like that rules out chanyeol and baekhyun after "monster".

jongdae seems to be doing the opposite to everyone in these music videos whilst still being 'apart of it'

like: the white shirt in "lotto", standing at the 'last supper', the cameras in obsession, the smashing of their earnings in "lotto" the 'no fucks given attitude' when the swat shows up, unlike the rest of the group

favourite pathcode?

baekhyun, its so pretty but i also love sehun's as a resident scot

favourite cursed moment(s)?

"my name is baekhyun, but you can call me bacon" stfu bake-hun

suho meeting jedward

chanyeol's nick mask

exo: next door (side note: why was exo-m + jongin just not in the show?)

baekhyun's 'best looking' ranking on weekly idol

"wolf" demo

who's "baby-girl" are you picking?

kyungsoo's in "call me baby" but shout-out to jongdae's underrated one in "juliet"

favourite exo collab?

i've got a few, probably "lil' something" with jongdae & heize or his collab with ailee

it kills me that taeyeon was unwell whilst singing with jongdae also, chanyeol's collab with far east movement

favourite cover?

vocal line + sehun's "why so serious"

exo & yuna kim's "happiness" (vocal line sound brill in this)

sunday morning

[stirdrawsandreblaws]

Ten Characters, Ten Fandoms

i got tagged by @apathetic-theme-song

Shion - King of Fighters

Sabrina/Natsume - Pokemon

Duo Maxwell - Gundam Wing

Makoto/Lita Kino - Sailor Moon

Cho Hakkai - Saiyuki

Yuuko Ichihara - xxxHolic

Count D - Pet Shop of Horrors

Vincent Valentine - Final Fantasy VII

Kimimaro - Naruto

Alphys - Undertale

i can never think of anyone to tag but if you wanna do this because you saw me do it, feel free to @ me and make me look at your list :3

also this isn't required but bc i love them i put images and brief descriptions of all of these characters under the cut

Shion, my beloved; the androgynous sub-boss of King of Fighters XI, he uses multiple weapons including a rope-dart, chinese spear, meteor hammer, and can punch air so hard it turns into a projectile. he often quotes Sun Tzu's Art of War, knows tons about cooking, and loves eating delicacies. currently wandering some kind of weird extradimensional space after his boss tried to kill him (he got revenge tho >:3 he can have little a murder, as a treat.)

Sabrina/Natsume (left) in the Pokemon anime had psychic powers so strong she splintered her personality into a grown-up half and a child half, both of which were able to exercise their own wills independently (the latter via a doll). she was scary, but eventually became more lighthearted and rejoined her split halves thanks to a goofy Haunter.

Duo Maxwell (center) is many things: orphan, gifted mechanic, and self-proclaimed God of Death--which is why he's the pilot of the Deathscythe, a grim-reaper-esque mecha. he witnessed a lot of death early in life, to the point that even his first and last names connect him to people close to him who died

Makoto/Lita Kino (right) is Sailor Jupiter; she's strong, tall, tomboyish, and self-sufficient after the loss of her parents. Her lightning attacks are powerful, but her sense of justice is even more so. She has a cute side, too, and gets flustered when someone calls her feminine. >:3

Cho Hakkai (left), problematic fave #1. the mom friend, and a stepford smiler who took a correspondence course in lockpicking, he's atoning for incest and mass-murder by....doing more mass-murder, but the gods told him it was cool this time. to be fair, he's mostly a healer now, as well as the party's designated driver (his dragon, named Jeep, turns into a Jeep).

Yuuko Ichihara (right) is a space-time witch who grants wishes. i want to say more but instead i'll just plead with you to read the xxxHolic manga (and read/watch Tsubasa -RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE- for the full experience, since they have some story linkage).

Count D gets two images for a little gallery because look at this freak. gorgeous. the way they move in the OVA is fantastic. genderless sugar-addicted ecoterrorist; what's not to love??

Vincent Valentine (left) is a gunslinger who can transform into a fanged monster and chooses to sleep off his depression in a coffin, but he's not a vampire. that's just how it is sometimes. he even joins the hero party without doing anything to fix his bed hair.

Kimimaro (center) has a bloodline ability that lets him utilize his bones as weapons. As a child, he was kept in a cage and only released for combat, despite his gentle nature. Orochimaru (the series' first main antagonist) found him after his clan was wiped out, and took him in; being valued by Orochimaru gave him purpose, and he fights like a zealot as a result... (;A;)

Alphys (right) is a cringefail otaku lesbian lizard who, nevertheless, is a brilliant scientist. she created Mettaton's mechanical body, after all. we don't need to talk about her other works. :) really. :) :) :)

[phantom-wolf]

Day 8: Pirates and Cowboys

Old life, New Beginning

A/N: I'm going to put content warnings in the tags and also before the story just in case

For @usukweek

Content warnings: character held captive/ prisoner, mentions of robbery, use of guns, mention of insects, 10 year age gap, minor character death, suggestive themes 

Summary: In 1875, Arthur Kirkland decides to travel to Europe. On his journey the ship he's on is attacked by pirates. Lo and behold one of those pirates is Alfred Jones.

You can also read it here:

A familiar four clicks accompanied the movement of his thumb as the hammer of the single action was cocked. A spatter of blood and gore soon accentuated the deck as one of the pirates took the bullet that tore from the blond's revolver. He instinctually ducked as bullets whistled by and nearly found their mark. The only thing roaring in his ears was the sound of his own heartbeat, unimpeded by gunfire but rather spurned to a faster beat as adrenaline flooded his senses. The ringing in his ears that would've been acknowledged by a novice went unnoticed.  Fragments of wood dispersed as bullets embedded themselves into the deck and masts of the ship. 

The male found himself in a less than ideal position, forced to take cover in a location that left his rear exposed and able to be flanked. He couldn't afford to let his attention divert to this fact in the chaos of battle. All he could do was hope that the others could fend off the invaders and that there was no second point of entry. Another click distinguishable from the sound of the hammer was audible as the last chamber of the Peacemaker was emptied. Instead of wasting time reloading he reached for the second gun in its holster, a relatively newer Smith and Wesson model three he had bought off someone whose name he couldn't recall. Before he could properly grip and raise the weapon he sensed a presence behind him and felt metal dig into the back of his head. Instinctually he froze and mentally cursed himself for acknowledging the weakness while doing nothing to prevent it. 

"Hand away from your weapon."

Weighing his options he complied, slowly feeling himself relax as the barrel was removed from the back of his head. He turned to face the perpetrator, sizing him up, taking note of his broader figure, dirty blond hair and estimating his age to be in his thirties before his focus shifted to looking down the barrel of the weapon. A gleeful delight overcame him, a catalyst for confidence whereas in a different situation he may not have had. There wasn't a round chambered in the barrel. His eyes flicked to the other man's blue ones before a laugh escaped his lips full of contempt and amusement, the tension in his shoulders relaxing as the fear drained from him.  Pointedly he stated "If you're going to be aiming a weapon at someone it should be loaded." 

His attacker had enough common sense to look slightly embarrassed, eyes widening slightly before narrowing once more, his finger curling tighter around the trigger and his thumb brushing against the hammer of his revolver in an attempt to regain control of the situation "There are five rounds, all it takes is a quick rotation of the cylinder. So I suggest you cooperate."

The pirates' attempt wielded no fruit as another snicker left the other's mouth." This was poorly planned on your part. If I was a- duller gentleman what would stop me from pulling my secondary and shooting you on the spot?" 

The pirate looked affronted. "The fact that by the time you would've pulled it out I would've taken the end of this weapon and hit you over the head. Or simply pulled back the hammer a few times and shot you before you could me." Arthur could see the stranger practically bristling as he continued. "Anyway, what's wrong with you? Who decides to look down the barrel of a gun pointed at them?!" To his utmost amusement he could hear the man murmur under his breath about how in all the years- 

"You're confident in your abilities I'll give you that. And you're lucky I'm no gunslinger." Arthur started, peeking over the barrel that served as cover and scanning the deck for any other resistance from the other crew members of the merchant ship. Finding none he decided not to risk being shot by the thieves who had boarded during their conversation. It had seemed the victors were decided. "To answer your question, a very clever man."

"Or a very stupid one" The pirate grumbled and narrowed his eyes, giving him a glance over before stopping on his face. Despite the now rather medium length beard that accompanied his features and some grey poking through his wild blond hair he could see a multitude of things flash through the other's expression, the two most prevalent being surprise then recognition. 

"You're- Arthur Kirkland." 

Arthur let another curse leave his lips not caring enough to hide his rather foul mouth as the stranger shouted to the others and he was guided on board the pirate's ship. 

--

Now he found himself imprisoned aboard some ship he knew nothing about. A rich orange light filtered in through a circular window of some kind, slowly retracting and leaving strange shadows in its wake as the sun started to set. Left to his own thoughts for entertainment, he mulled over the irony of the situation and mused that if he had wanted to be in a cell he would've walked himself into the local sheriff's office. He mindlessly swatted festering insects away as they found their way into his holding through the opening, torn between being grateful for the ventilation while also loathing it for being an easy access point for flies. He'd come acquainted to the soft creaking of wood and boisterous voices above drowning in whatever alcohol they could scrounge up. Several days, ten since his capture and a few days on board his previous vessel had granted him the mercy of letting him adjust himself to the sway of the waves underneath them. His body ached and he wasn't sure if it was from the hard floor below him or from the moisture that was in the air. It was however a definite reminder that he wasn't as young as he used to be.

 A nearer, heavier creak caught his attention and he turned his head to the source spotting a silhouette in the doorway. With the illumination of the kerosene lamp his visitor clutched he could make out the details of a familiar figure. Deeming him as non hostile he relaxed and decided to greet his company. "Come here for free entertainment? If you did I apologize. I'm not very interesting."

"I came here to give you some food"  The familiar voice of the pirate who had found him in the first place spoke. "And to deliver some news. As for that second part we both know that's not true."

At the announcement of food Arthur sat upright and moved to the bars. "We'll thank you for the compliment" He murmured more focused on what the other carried then the conversation. He kept his composure despite the rumbling of his stomach, stamping down any ebbing curiosity that threatened to reveal itself. News was an inconsistency in routine that had been made over the past several days and frankly he wasn't sure if he wanted to know what that meant.  "What is it this time?"

"Some dried beef and some beer today." 

A little humorous and witty remark rolled off his tongue easily."You pirates' meals are quite bland, you know that don't you Alfred?" 

Sensing the humor in his words Alfred chuckled. Somehow he managed to juggle the beer, meat and lamp by keeping the drink close to his body with his arm and gripping the wrapped cloth that had the dried meat with the same hand, letting the other carry the light source."You're lucky you're not eating the biscuits. The bugs like to make their homes there."

At that Arthur grunted, disgusted but not surprised. "The bugs make their homes everywhere. It doesn't surprise me they are embedded in your food as well."

"Your food now." Alfred responded with a light hearted grin deciding to take the lasting conversation as an invitation to stay. He'd done this every time he brought food and drink. Arthur held no hostility to him, not minding the company either. Afterall, if he had been in the pirates' place he would've done the same thing. Extra money wasn't something that was stumbled upon frequently. He supposed he should even be grateful that Alfred hadn't decided to shoot him right then and there. Although conversing with the man led to one of the answers he was searching for. Turns out Alfred didn't like to kill civilians if he didn't need to. At the time he had figured the situation was under control and sensing the opportunity for an ambush had done so. He'd much rather use intimidation tactics to manipulate the situation. What the quartermaster hadn't realized was that the newest edition to the crew, Jackson had been shot until after. These things tend to get lost in the chaos of gunfire and screaming. 

The lamp was set down as a hand slipped between the bars with the cured meat clutched in it, which he eagerly took and was soon followed by the beer. He knew it was beneficial to them to keep him alive, however that was a very...broad term. He doubted the bounty poster specified that he had to be in pristine condition to claim the reward. So he was happy to accept some of the more quality food. 

They stayed in silence for a few moments, Arthur slowly tackling the meat and washing it down with beer until Alfred broke it. "You're to be brought up to the deck today".  

Upon hearing those words Arthur nearly choked on the beef, managing to swallow without incident. "What?" 

Alfred shrugged nonchalantly, although had appeared concerned when the other almost choked. "I did say I had news for you."

"You could've mentioned it earlier!" 

"Yeah I guess so. But then you wouldn't have eaten, insisting to go now. This way you have energy. So finish your food and then I'll bring you up." 

Arthur seeing no other option simply ate a little faster. 

---

Arthur was grateful for the sun's position upon stepping out onto the deck for the relative lack of light. He was sure if the sun had been higher an unforgiving headache would've blossomed behind his eyes at the sudden influx of light. His joints popped from the exercise he found himself able to partake in. It felt nice after being confined to a small cell for a little over a week. He was still weary however. Years of experience had taught him that nothing was easy in this world. Nothing was given, everything came with a price. Not even stealing was without its dues. This situation was quite the reminder. 

He sensed Alfred's eyes on him and turned to look at him. It was at this moment Alfred spoke up. "Captain Williams wants to talk to you." 

There it was. "Oh? And why's that?" 

"That's something you'll have to ask him yourself. But don't worry! Whatever it is, it will be alright. After all, you got me on your side! I'll do my best to protect you!"

Arthur raised an eyebrow at this statement dubiously. "My hero" he retorted with a roll of his eyes, sarcasm dripping from his words. 

Alfred seemed to brighten up at that not seeming to either notice or care that it had been sarcasm. Not wanting to ruin the man's mood, Arthur wordlessly followed Alfred to the Captain's quarters. Williams was waiting for them, looking up as the door opened and Alfred greeted him. "Mr. Kirkland" Was the simple greeting he'd received. At least the captain seemed to hold a little respect for him. 

Arthur gave a small nod of his head, tilting his hat in recognition. "Captain Williams. To what do I owe the pleasure?" He asked hoping his sarcasm from earlier didn't bleed into the words for his own sake. When he locked eyes with the older man's brown ones he was met by a stare not so unfamiliar. Experienced, calculating, straight to business. A non verbal and pointed reminder to not cross the pirate captain. He met the challenge with his own confidence only tempered as to not get on the man's bad side. 

"A deal has been made between myself and Jones. You'll be considered part of the crew and will fill in for the member you shot and killed.  During this time you will not take a cut of any bounty we receive until the price on your head is paid in full." The captain responded. "You may discuss Jones's part of the deal on your own time with him." 

It didn't seem like he had much of a choice in the matter. Very well- he'd chose limited freedom to a cell any day. "Thank you" He said mustering up as much sincerity as he could and giving Alfred a side glance. 

Alfred gave him a faint smile quickly tilting his head to motion for them to depart, thanking his captain as he did so and turning to leave the cabin. Arthur spun on his heel but before he could take a step forwards William's voice rang out again. "Oh and Kirkland, if I hear any stray word about a mutiny that has passed from your lips. I'll take your tongue."

A small sly smirk threatened to etch itself across his lips however he was smart enough to keep himself straight faced. Of the same breed indeed. "I would never even consider doing such a thing" He responded turning his head to make eye contact with the one in charge. "Thank you for your mercy, Captain. I will serve you well." 

"You better. You're a three hundred dollar investment." 

---

Once they were back out onto the deck a peaceful silence fell between them, Arthur relishing in his new found freedom of sorts and Alfred undecided if he should interrupt the quiet. The sun had long departed by now, leaving the celestial bodies of the stars and moon to paint the night in light. The waves below reflected this light, swirling it in unpredictable patterns before being swallowed by the depths and replaced. The temperature had dropped a few degrees but neither seemed too affected by it. The silence was broken by Alfred who found himself uncomfortable with it. "What was being a cowboy like?" He finally blurted. 

Arthur looked at him startled out of his thoughts at the outburst. "Did the stories I told you when you visited with food not paint a good picture?"

"They did. I just wanted to know if you had more" Alfred responded embarrassed with himself, a  faint red painting his cheeks and the tips of his ears. "Sounds pretty fun." 

Arthur grunted graciously deciding not to comment on how red the other got.  He took a moment to think of his response wording it in a way as to not get too personal. "Fun isn't what I'd describe it as. It's hard work as many things are in life. You have to be observant, be able to think on your feet. A thousand pound animal isn't going to stop stampeding because you told it to. Then combine that with upwards of a thousand other animals of the same size and the horses you're riding on top of it. It definitely makes for a good excuse to always be on guard. But generally things didn't get too exciting. The only 'exciting' thing I could count on daily was the game of: will I get bit by a snake when I get off my horse to take a piss and die a few hours later? Or on a more rare occasion, if bandits would be stupid enough to try to rob us. The real fun happened once we arrived in town after a successful transfer of cattle. Once we arrived we had to load the cows into a train cart then we got paid. After going a few weeks without a bath or proper entertainment I'm sure you can imagine what happened at the saloons" the wink accompanying that statement  went unnoticed. "I'm sure you can relate to such sentiments out at sea yourself. Minus the snakes of course". 

Truthfully Alfred enjoyed hearing Arthur tell his stories. He'd get so enthralled as he talked about his past experiences, spoke with a passion that let Alfred know that Arthur had enjoyed the job. It was one of the times where Arthur became truly expressive, a little less on guard. When Arthur got going his words painted such clear imagery that Alfred hadn't needed to be there to feel like he experienced it. Admittedly as much as he enjoyed hearing him talk in this moment he got… distracted. He accidently ended up staring at his lips briefly, wondering how they'd feel pressed against his own then dismissing the idea and blaming it on the fact he hadn't had much company lately. He blinked shaking his head of any stray thoughts and cleared his throat. It caught Arthur's attention but when he didn't say anything the cowboy now turned pirate continued. 

"I worked in the northern plains. Montana actually. So it has taken me a while to get here. The local deputies and pinkertons had started poking around on a lead that someone matching Arthur Kirkland's description was in town. Some folk from the East must've recognized me while I was celebrating a successful drive. Upon seeing the unwanted attention I decided that frankly I have been chased enough to last a lifetime and thus my decision to come to Europe. Offered the merchant ship my gun if anything were to happen and some cash as well. However nothing is ever that simple clearly." 

He partially processed the others words, nodding along but was too distracted giving the other a once over to truly hear what was being spoken. The older man's attire alone stuck out now that he had been declared part of the crew. The Englishman had a white, tall crowned hat with a narrow brim that was curled upwards on the sides. He adorned a navy pullover shirt made of cotton with a black vest made of the same material. He also wore grey wool pants with an additional layer of fabric to reinforce the seams. Of course his clothing wasn't in pristine condition, various stains and the occasional stitch from where it had been mended littered the outfit. They'd taken away the black bandana that had originally been tied around his neck, fearful that it may be used as a weapon against one of the crew or himself. 

"Wait a minute Arthur. I'll be right back" Alfred chirped, turning to head underneath the deck and deeper into the ship. Arthur watched him go before turning his attention back to the ocean, focusing on the feeling of the breeze in his face and the sound of crashing waves that surrounded the ship. 

Alfred returned with his bandana in tow holding it out and offering it to him. Afterall with the freedom now granted if Arthur wanted to, he'd have better things to use against them than a bandana.  "You will probably need some new clothes more suitable for the sea. But for now we can't buy anything since we aren't in port and we technically aren't making anything off the next several exchanges-"

"We?"

"Oh right! I gave up my cut as well until your bounty is paid off and the credit makes a profit. Technically I promised them six hundred dollars so we're going to be living on some scraps for a while."

Arthur raised an eyebrow in suspicion and curiosity, cocking his head as he looked back to Alfred."Why go through all the trouble to save me?"

Alfred gave a disarming half smile upon sensing the others suspicion trying to prove he had no ulterior motives and a shrug. Sure he found him attractive but that was not why he saved him. "There's something about you I like. You're clearly clever, a hard worker and we needed a new member of the crew. And I think you have a story to be told. Would be a shame if it were to end prematurely." 

"Don't we all have a story to tell-" He murmured, shifting his body to lean against the closest mast of the ship and crossing his arms as he was securely balanced. "And you didn't take any of the crew from the merchant ship?" 

"We offered but they declined." 

Arthur gave a hmph of disbelief. Pirate's tended not to give people many choices. The two options usually consisted of join their crew or die which brought the next question to mind. "Are they fish food now?" 

"No, we let them go." Alfred responded. When Arthur proceeded to stare at him with his eyebrows raised for further explanation he continued. "Captain Williams tries to avoid casualties where they can be avoided. He also doesn't like to take people who are likely to turn tail at the slightest hint of freedom. Took a lot of convincing to get him to accept you for that reason. As for your job on the ship you'll have to learn how to rig the sails and some level of carpentry. If those aren't your thing perhaps you could help the doc out and learn from him- or maybe the cook." 

The older male took a minute to digest this information weighing the situation. He supposed it would've worked better for him if they had been killed. There would've been fewer loose ends, less mouths to talk if the wrong parties came looking. Oh well. "And for your information I do know some carpentry and my way around a needle. Ropes shouldn't be an issue either although you'll have to teach me any particular knots you use." 

"Good and no problem. Isaiah is the ship master. He can show you some duties and I'll also be helping out when I can. The others will also show you how we operate if neither of us are available.  We all have a part to play after all. In reality most of our time is spent on ship maintenance."

Arthur couldn't help but be curious."You're going to have to be more specific when you mention maintenance because frankly I have no idea what that entails."

 Alfred paused mentally counting off, his fingers moving from a curled position to straight as he counted with them before disregarding whatever he had been doing. "Cleaning the decks, checking rigging and ropes, checking for any potential leaks or holes and repairing them. You also eventually may get to make sure everything on the gun deck is properly stored and cleaned- just to name a few. Oh and did I mention cleaning bird shit off the deck?" 

"Sounds-" a pause and despite not trying to be rude he couldn't exactly color himself enthusiastic at the prospect "...delightful. When do I begin?" 

Alfred looked smug, probably happy that some of the more unpleasant tasks were going to be now dished out to the newest member of the crew. With a clap on the other's shoulder he chirped "Your duties start right now!". With that he began to back away towards the stairs leading to the lower decks. 

"Wait where are you going?!" 

"I'm going to sleep. Isaiah is at the stern. I'll see you in the morning!" 

"Where's the stern?!" Arthur called letting his frustration seep out through his words, scowling at the retreating pirate's back. "What does Isaiah look like?" 

"Guess you'll have to figure that out yourself. Goodnight Arthur!"

Cheeky bastard. He didn't even get to shave. 

---

Both their hands were calloused, jagged chunks carved out of them from one experience or another. The years had only added to the collection of scars and disfigurations. The black bandana that had first accompanied the cowboy-ex-outlaw-pirate was now draped over one of each of their hands, both using their free hand to knot the material and bind themselves together. Together, promising to watch over each other despite what altercations that could find themselves apart of. In life and death they'd take care of one another. 

A cheer arose from their spectators as mugs were risen and beer sloshed onto the floor which would promptly have to be scrubbed later. "How about that Mr. Outlaw. You're now properly married to a pirate however fitting that may be."

"Cowboy" Arthur corrected. "I prefer cowboy although, I suppose neither occupation is particularly civilized. And the correct term is matelotage." 

"He does learn! Would you look at that" came a playful quip from one of the crew members. 

"I've learned quite well. It's you who still gets confused when I rattle off cowboy terms at you." A flippant and well timed reply caused snickers to erupt amongst the band of people gathered around. 

Alfred decided to interrupt after chuckling to himself. "Arthur I don't think there's a single civilized thing about you" earning a playful eye roll in response. 

"I don't think either of us have ground to talk" Arthur hummed giving him a small smile. The newly wedded partook in the drinking activities and celebration for a little while until Arthur directed a suggestive and flirtatious wink towards his beloved, earning him a smirk. To further drive his intentions he gave a slight tug on their bound hands. "Boys, thank you for the celebration but I suggest you clear out of the cabins for a while. Enjoy your drinks!" 

---

Alfred found himself ahead of Arthur, deciding to clear some of the rooms up ahead, his gun raised as he did so. Upon entering one he was thrown off balance as someone barreled into him from a blindspot. He stumbled but caught himself, his body twisting to take the brunt of it as his back collided with the wall and he tried to throw off his attacker. They struggled for a brief moment until Alfred found himself a second too slow. A sudden crack filled the space as the weapon was brought down against his head. A sharp pain rattled his skull causing him to fall forward as the stranger stepped away. He nearly face planted onto the wooden floor only managing to distribute some of the weight with his hands, his jaw hitting the floor and causing his teeth to clack together. He helplessly watched his weapon clang as it hit the floor and bounced out of reach. He doubted it would be of much use to him anyway with the way his vision was doubled and the room was spinning. He let out a groan as everything slowly became bearable, rolling into his side to look up at who had ambushed him. 

His attacker stood over him, weapon drawn and pointing at him. Perhaps this was karma for being over confident. In a final act of bravado and defiance he stared at the other man, their gazes interlocked. His pain only manifested through a clenched jaw and partially squinted eyes, managing a cold but accepting smile. "You know I don't like killing civilians. If I were you I'd stand down." Whether the next unfolding of events was pure luck or divine intervention he wasn't sure. An echoing boom sounded from the hallway ripping through the relative quiet of the lower decks. His attacker slumped lifelessly and collapsed partially on him before he could scramble out of the way. He blinked, staring at the corpse before his attention was caught by approaching footsteps. 

"Unfortunately for you, I don't share such qualms" The familiar accented voice of Arthur sounded. 

Alfred scooted away from the body, a relieved smile tugging on his lips and letting his tense body now relax. Needing a reprieve from the close encounter he decided to diffuse the situation with humor. "Took you long enough. I got a smack to the head thanks to you" He said no malice or bite to his words just teasing affection. Feeling the adrenaline leave him and feeling safe with Arthur's presence he took a breath and leaned back, closing his eyes. 

"You're gonna get a smack on your arse if you keep it up" The other fired back, relief flooding his voice as he moving over him and crouched beside him to inspect the wound on his head. Deciding that nothing could be done here he placed a hand on the other cheek, encouraging him to open his eyes. "You need to get up Al" He murmured, standing up to a more appropriate height to help him up. He outstretched a hand expectantly. 

"That sounds kind of hot Arthur" He teased indeed, opening his eyes and taking his cowboy's hand. Once up he felt the others hand on his back to support him. He gave a grateful smile before wincing and running his hand over his left temple to see if there was any blood. Thankfully there wasn't. 

"We'll try it sometime if you'd like. But for now let's focus on the task at hand. Just because I'll get your cut if you were to die does not mean I want you dead. Let's get you back to the ship to be looked at by Johnson." 

"We need to-"

"The others have everything under control. You're going to the ship. End of discussion." 

Alfred decided not to waste the energy with arguing especially because Arthur was right. He took half a step, stumbling as his vision doubled again. At that Arthur pressed against his side and wrapped an arm around his shoulders for some extra support. "Thank you" he whispered, enjoying the others' warmth. His thoughts were interrupted by a gentle kiss to the right temple. 

"A reminder not to go too far ahead alone next time."

"Of course my love" He agreed. When they reached the doorway sunlight flooded Alfred's vision. He hissed squeezing his eyes closed upon finding a newfound sensitivity to the light. Arthur paused and shifted around a moment before he felt something pressed to the top of his head. He opened his eyes slowly, the sunlight limited by the narrow brimmed hat on his head. It was a little small but it would do. Alfred found himself grateful for the fact Arthur incorporated his old attire with a more seaworthy one. 

--- 

All Alfred knew was that the sensation of having Arthur over him, the other pinning his arms above his head while their lips captured each other's hungrily was addicting. No matter how many times they'd done it for the past few years, it always managed to thrill him to no end. The way their bodies arched into one another, lips worshiping and marking everywhere they possibly could. And afterwards basking in glory as they settled down from their escapades. Surely they realized that with the life they lead they sacrificed the longevity of it to do so. But they could at least enjoy each other until the end of it. 

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Seventy-Three

Thank you guys for your patience, if I haven't been replying its because I haven't been getting on tumblr for a hot minute but I am back now!!

This is part 1 of 2 of Seventy-Three, part 2 will be up in tomorrow night.

I love y'all, thank you so much!!

Words: 4.8k

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse, violence, inappropriate sexual behavior

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“I am going to kill you!” I shout, chasing Stevie and Slash over the hotel beds with Duff eventually tackling me when they lock themselves into the bathroom.

“You’re the one who ate the brownies, Viv! It’s common sense not to do that!” Steven tells me from the other side of the door.

“Your ass is grass and I’m going to mow it!” I yell back.

“No one’s mowing ass!” Duff tells me. “We’re just gonna wait for it to pass." He says in reference to my inevitable high.

“I’m gonna puke.” I insist, pushing him off of me.

“D-Do you feel sick?” He asks me, worried, and I open the door of the bathroom, Steven and Slash peeking their heads out of the shower from behind the curtain.

“No, I’m gonna make myself throw up so I don’t trip balls.” I explain.

“Ew.” Slash mumbles.

“Viv, no, it won’t be that bad.” Steven assures me as I kneel over the toilet, and Duff pulls me up.

“It’s not like it’s gonna kill you, Viv, alright, just stay in the room and let it run its course. Don’t do that to yourself.” He tells me, motioning to the toilet and I raise my brows.

“Just go lay down and relax.” Slash adds.

“Fine.” I state, stepping out of the bathroom.

"So, you've got this handled." Stevie starts to Duff. 

"Yeah?"

"We're going back down to the bar." Steven declares, pulling Slash to the door with him. 

"Dude, what? They were your brownies." Duff tells him. 

"That she ate without asking." Steven points out. 

"I was hungry!"

"Then you go to McDonalds! You don't eat brownies you find in our room!" Steven replies. 

"Alright, okay, you two go. I got this." Duff sighs. 

"Thank you. Bye." He replies and they leave us, Duff shutting the door behind them as I lay down, getting under the covers and turning the TV on, Looney Tunes playing as Duff steps to the bed.

"You can go back downstairs, I'm sure I'll be fine. I don't even feel anything." I mumble and he looks at me, pointedly. 

"No, I'm staying." He states, taking his jacket and boots off, getting in to bed with me, sitting up against the headboard as I lay my head in his lap.

A few minutes later, I'm getting out from under the covers because it's rubbing against my skin too hard.

"You okay?" Duff asks me when I go to pull my shirt over my head. 

"My freaking skin hurts." I reply and he raises his brows. 

"It's the brownies."

"It's not the brownies." I reply, suddenly freezing when I make eye contact with Daffy Duck, catching him staring at me through the TV, and feel feathers against my fingers. 

"What're you doing?" Duff asks me and I realize I'm rubbing my finger tips together on both hands, and when I look at him, another realization comes to mind. 

"If you combine 'Daffy' and 'Duck' you get 'Duffy'." I tell him and he raises a brow. 

"Y-Yeah?"

"Or 'Dack'. I feel like this is a perfect time for you to tell me my favorite joke." I tell him and he raises his brows. "'Paint my house'." I mock his voice, giggles consuming me once I'm done and he laughs with me.

"Viv--"

"--I'm kinda hungry."

"You ate five brownies, babe." He reminds me.

"Pot brownies don't count as food." I state, reaching for the phone. "I'm getting room service." 

"No, no," he stops me, chuckling, grabbing the phone from me. "You do not want to get food while you're high and hungry. You'll order stuff you've never even heard of and we'll be murdered for running up the bill."

"We can just get Doc to pay for it." I shrug, going for the phone in his hand. 

"Which is why it's not a good idea." He explains.

"If he gets his panties in a wad over room service he can just eat a brownie and he'll feel fine." I snatch the phone from him and dart for the bathroom.

"Vivian, baby!" He calls, opening the bathroom door before I can close it but it's too late, I'm dialing the number for room service, swatting Duff's hand away, though the movement seems as if it's delayed--at least my vision is delayed, or my mind, I don't know.

"Hello?" The man on the other line picks up and I furrow my brows, the fear that he knows I'm high infiltrating my mind. "Hello?" He repeats and I hang up and drop the phone. 

"What if he tells my parents?" I ask myself, trying to stay calm as anxiety rises.

"W-What?" Duff asks me, confused.

"Dad will kill me. Mom--oh, God, mom will never let me live it down." I push past him to pace in the room and he furrows his brows. 

"Viv--"

"--How do I even begin to explain to my parents I'm on drugs. Does pot even count as a drug? It's natural--so is fucking arsenic but do you see anybody putting that shit in brownies?" I ask myself. "I'm going to hell." I conclude, tears coming to my eyes. "I'm going to hell." I repeat, my voice cracking. 

"Viv, you ate them on accident, you're not going to hell for accidentally getting high." 

"I want Nikki." I say next, my heart beat beginning to hammer.

"If he finds out you're like this, we could get in trouble, Viv." Duff tells me.

"I want Nikki." I repeat, my breathing getting more frantic.

I stare at Fred, Doc, and Rich Fischer...and Bob Timmons, rolling my jaw as they look at me pointedly, waiting for me to say something in response. Anything.

“Are you gonna say anything?” Doc finally asks me and I lick my lips.

“What the hell am I supposed to say, Doc?” I ask him, furrowing my brows a little. “I-I’ve tried to talk to him about it a million times the past three years and he refuses to acknowledge he has an issue.” I state.

“Because he feels like he’s got nothing to lose.” Doc informs me. “I know you two aren’t on good terms, anyway, but, Vivian, we can’t have one of our guys nearly falling out on stage on smack. That’s not good press.”

“Since when the hell do we care about good or bad press?” I laugh humorlessly.

“Since I don’t want Nikki to fucking die on this tour.” Doc snaps.

“Can’t make money off tickets if the bassist dies and there’s no band to tour, anymore, right?” I ask him, poking my lip out sarcastically for a moment and he glares at me.

“I’m not in it for money.” Fred cuts in, seriously, a genuine look of worry on his face. “He’s like a brother to me. I’m not fucking in it for the money. I just don’t wanna see him dead.”

“We’re already getting a divorce so what the hell is it gonna do to threaten divorce if he doesn’t stop shooting up?” I ask them, raising my brows.

“I promise, it’ll get his attention.” Fred assures me.

“Do you know something that I don’t?” I cut my eyes at him. “Because all I’ve heard is how ready he is to get away from me and be free.”

“Just talk to him.” Fred ignores my question, which confirms that whatever shit Nikki feeds me about wanting to leave me as soon as possible is all bark with no bite behind it.

“What’s in it for me?” I ask them.

“The gratification of knowing you’re doing what Jesus would do.” Doc sarcastically replies.

“Jesus would exorcise him.” I bite back.

“I promise we haven’t ruled that option out yet.” He sighs out.

That was the first of many “what’re we going to do about Nikki?” meetings on that tour. Nikki had gone on high as hell--thinking no one noticed--and nearly passed out after flipping down the stage and taking way too long to get back up, and when he did get up, he nearly fell off the stage and could barely keep his eyes open. They had to remedy his stupor with a few bumps of coke during Tommy’s drum solo.

He got up in arms if anyone tried to confront him about it, brushing it off like he was just really tired that night, so they called me up to bat.

I guess they forgot I couldn’t talk to him about anything without it turning into a fight--especially not about his heroin addiction.

"So, even though we're separated and he's your client, you're leaving it up to me to convince him to get sober?" I clarify. 

"He's not doing himself any favors, Vivian, you know that. This isn't just affecting your marriage." Doc tells me. 

"Um, yeah, I've been trying to tell you that for years now but the second it turns into him risking the loss of money going in to your pockets you're all about getting him some fucking help." I snap, standing up. "Thank you for confirming you're the piece of shit I was afraid you were." 

"Vivian, wai--"

"--Go fuck yourself, Doc. You're lucky I don't fucking fire you." 

I leave the meeting with Fred at my heels. 

"Viv, wait." He grasps at my wrist and turns me to face him, making me flare my nostrils with frustration. 

"I'm not talking to him, Fred."

"Vivian, he's more likely to listen to you than any of us."

"Are you kidding me?! He'll laugh in my face!" I give up and raise my voice, hoping it'll get my point across since they seem to not understand english when it's spoken calmly and quietly. 

"Viv, just try it. Just once. Please." He begs.

"Fine."

I already felt like it was my job to fix him, and having that responsibility of being the only one capable of getting Nikki to slow down only added to that burden that I knew right away I'd be unable to bear but tried to do so anyway.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I was locked out of mine and my husband's room. I accidentally left the key in there before I left and he doesn't have his with him, either." I tell the receptionist at the front desk of the hotel.

"Do you have any ID?" She asks me and I pull out my license, smiling.

"Here you go." I show her. "Vivian and Nikki Sixx, but the room name is probably under Doc McGhee." I add and she flips through bookings for a moment before she nods. 

"Got it." She tells me, opening a drawer and pulling a spare out. 

"Thank you." I tell her politely, taking the key and heading to the elevator. 

"Enjoy your night." She replies. 

"Thanks, you too." I grin to myself mischievously, ready to piss on Nikki's parade. 

I get up to his room and unlock the door, smelling sweaty clothes, vomit, possibly urine, definite shit, semen, smoke, heroin, and coke.

"Ew." I mumble, seeing that he is nowhere to be found. 

I immediately start shuffling through his things, every pant pocket, every compartment in his suitcase, under the bed, in the drawers, under the mattress, in the pillow cases, in the bathroom, the closet, under the dresser, under the TV stand, the night stand, behind the bed, behind wall paintings, everywhere, and find absolutely nothing. 

"You've got to be kidding me." I say to myself, looking at the disheveled room. "If I were Nikki Sixx where would I hide my stash?" I say next…an idea popping into my mind. "The last thing I'd think anyone would suspect I would even touch." I answer myself, going back to the nightstand drawer, opening it back up to see a bible.

I open it and find the jackpot. 

I don't know where he found the time to hollow it out and put a baggie of china white and a small bindle of coke inside but I don't have time to think about it. 

"Really should have taken the expensive stuff with you, baby." I state, taking the china white out and pouring the powder into the toilet before throwing the baggie away, doing the same with the coke. 

I go to fix everything the way I found it but I'm stopped by the sound of the door knob being unlocked. 

I dodge into the closet, shutting the door as best as I can, hearing the room door swing open, and the sound of Nikki stumbling in, laughing while another woman giggles, making my heart hammer in my chest. 

"What's wrong?" I hear her giggling come to an abrupt stop. 

"I don't feel good, take a rain check." He brushes her off, and I hear him walk around the room, probably noticing it looks like a tornado hit it, worse than how he left it. 

"I thought we were gonna have some fun, though." I hear the pout in her voice.

"I'm sure Vinnie would take you up on that. He's across the hall." He sounds even more disinterested by the second, aggravation in his tone, but I don't believe it's because her. 

"Fucking rockstars." She complains, stomping out and slamming the door. 

"I can smell your perfume from here, Viv." He says, and I hear him kick some stuff out of his way before the sound of him sitting on the bed. 

I roll my eyes and step out of the closet, smiling at him innocently. 

"What the fuck are you doing in here? How'd you even fucking get it?" 

"I got a key." I inform him. 

"What are you doing here?" He asks again and I go to speak but can't, not knowing what lie to come up with.

I hesitate for too long, giving him too much time to think about it.

"Oh, you didn't." He sneers, before quickly walking to the nightstand, opening the drawer and grabbing the bible before he opens it to see it's empty. "God damnit, Vivian!" 

By this time I'm already almost at the door, within arms reach, but he's rushing to me and grabbing my hair, pulling me back, causing me to cry out before he's shoving me to the bed. 

"Where did you put it?!" He demands and I take deep breaths, staring at him. 

"I flushed it." I admit honestly and his face turns red, his fist balling up at his sides. 

"You did what?" He shakily asks again and I sit up.

"I. Flushed. It." I repeat. 

"Do you realize how much money that shit costs?!" He outbursts and I move to get off the bed, but he grabs my arm roughly so I can't get away. 

"Let go of me." I warn him, trying to get out of his grasp. 

"Answer me!" He barks at me.

I don't say another thing, my foot jutting out to kick him off of me, hard.

"Trust me, I know how much money that shit costs because you've been prioritizing it over our other finances for the past five years!" I argue back. 

"You fucking bitch!" He screams as I go for the door again.

"You strung out junkie!" I yell back.

The lamp shatters against the door when he throws it, the only light in the room is now coming from the bathroom and I turn to face him, anger growing in me at the fact he threw a lamp at me over something so stupid.

I'm taking my heel off and throwing it at him next before turning back around to leave, but when the blade of his switchblade lands a foot away from me, in the carpet, I get fed up.

I lunge at him, the two of us hitting the hotel floor with a heavy thud, my nails clawing at his bare chest before he shoves me off of him and grabs my wrists, the two of us in a stare off, catching our breath. 

"I'm only here because I'm worried about you, asshole!" I outburst at him."Your health is going to shit and--"

"--Oh, for fucks sake, Viv, when I die everything's going to you so don't act like you're not foaming at the mouth for me to finally croak." He snaps at me, pulling himself onto the bed, laying on his back.

"If I were eagerly awaiting your death I wouldn't be flushing anything to keep you away from it."

"As if I won't call up a dealer the second you get the fuck out. Speaking of which: get the fuck out." He motions to the door and I stand over him. 

"I'm not done talking."

"I am."

"Good, then you won't argue when I say that you need to slow down because Doc's getting uneasy due to that stunt you pulled last night." 

"I was tired."

"You were high."

"They don't know that."

"They sure do know that, they just haven't confronted you themselves because they don't need you going at them like a rabid dog." 

"Bullshit."

"There was a meeting. They even brought in Bob Timmons, Nikki." I reply and he closes his eyes and lets out a sharp breath before he sits up. "They were hoping maybe us talking about it might encourage you to put your health as a priority." I add, leaving out "get sober or get divorced," deciding that's the last thing he needs to hear, and he nods. "I know it probably won't do much, but, Nikki, we're really worried--I'm really worried." 

"We've had this conversation how many fucking times, Vivian?" He scoffs out, looking up at me. 

"I'm not an idiot, Nikki, you're not okay. You don't look good, you don't smell good, you didn't sound good--"

"--Are you done?" His voice gravels out, unamused, and in denial. 

"Nikki."

"I don't look good because I'm tired, I don't smell good because I haven't showered yet, and you don't know shit about music so who the fuck are you to tell me if I sounded good or not?" 

"You realize I'm not that naive little pipsqueak that just wanted to keep the peace and went along with whatever you said years ago, right?" 

"At least you knew how to keep your fucking mouth shut unless I wanted it open for reasons that had nothing to do with talking." He grumbles. 

I glare at him a moment longer and exhale.

"Tell your dealer I said 'hello'." I yield, grabbing my other shoe, leaving in defeat, holding back the tears leaking to my eyes. 

"The fuck's going on?" Izzy asks us as Steven, Slash and Duff look like deer caught in headlights, interrupted as they try to coax me back into the room.

"I'm too high." I state, panicking, and Izzy furrows his brows.

"You're what?" He asks me, looking at the guys. "She's what?"

"Too high." I repeat.

"Who is?" Axl asks, approaching us with a beer in hand, obviously not prepared for what he's about to find out.

"I am." I say at the same time, Steven says, "nobody."

Everybody's at a stand still for a moment, all of us staring at each other before Axl starts in. 

"She's what?!" He demands while Slash and Steven scramble to explain.

"Well, she, like...ate something and now--"

"--Don't tell me she ate those fucking brownies you two have been smuggling." He tells them and Slash slowly puts his sunglasses on to avoid direct eye contact as Stevie stutters out:

"Uh-Um, w-well...she had like five and it was a complete accident." 

"Five?!" He shouts next and I slowly back away as they become further occupied, darting down the hall and turning the corner, hearing Duff say, "wait, Viv!", making my feet go faster. 

The next morning is spent on the phone with Sharise while she goes over last minute wedding details for the date set for the one day the band has off next week. 

"She told me she wants bright pink bridesmaids dresses." I tell Vince, raising a brow.

"Yeah, I helped her pick them out." He smugly replies, knowing I was dreading the idea of looking like a cupcake.

"I hate you."

"I love you." He sarcastically states, leaning back in his chair at the breakfast table in the hotel's cafeteria. 

"Where the hell is everybody else, we're outta here in 20 minutes." Fred tells us and I raise my brows.

"Being that Tansy and Sparkie and Nikki were all up doing God knows what last night, I'm assuming they aren't even aware what year it is, currently." I reply to him, drinking a sip of orange juice.

"And what about Guns?" He asks next. 

"Heck if I know." I tell him and he groans, rubbing his forehead. "Okay, fine, I'll go get everybody rounded up. K?" I offer, standing.

"Thank you." He says to me as I walk to the elevator. 

Once I get to our floor, I start at Tommy's room, banging on the door until I hear, "What?!" from the other side.

"Get up, we leave in 20 minutes!" I say back, going to Tansy and Sparkie's room, knocking at the door.

It opens within seconds, Sparkie, completely naked, standing at the door with his brows raised.

I gag at the sight of him wearing nothing.

"We're leaving in 20 minutes." I tell him neutrally.

"I'll wake Tans up." He replies, smirking at me and I go to turn away but he's grabbing my arm. "You thought about what I said?" He asks me and I roll my jaw. 

"Mmm, still thinking on it." I don't even hide my sarcasm and he licks his lips. 

"Think a little harder, baby, because I almost let it out when we were hanging out last night." He informs me and my blood runs cold. "The longer you wait the easier it's gonna start wanting to just slip out without a second thought." He adds, shutting the door in my face and I let out a defeated breath, squeezing my eyes closed for a second and rubbing my forehead. 

When I turn to walk down to Steven's room, he and Slash are coming out, leaning on each other, both of them wearing sunglasses to shield their hangovers, dragging their luggage along behind them.

"Is Axl, Izzy and Duff up?" I ask them as I pass by. 

"I don't even think Axl slept. Izzy's trying to shoo away some girl and Duff's trying to finish packing." Steven replies flatly, obviously tired, and I go to Duff's room, knocking a few times before he opens the door. 

He opens it and his eyes light up.

"There you are." He says, stepping back to his suitcase that's on the bed as he starts tossing his belongings in.

"Yeah, I got up earlier for breakfast." I reply, grabbing his toothbrush and toothpaste out of the bathroom.

"I figured." He states, running a hand through his hair before rubbing his eye. "Um, Izzy and Axl just left, I think, and I'll be down in a second, so." He informs me and I nod.

"Okay, I'm gonna go grab my stuff from my room." 

"K." He replies as I leave, going across the hall to unlock my door and gather my stuff. 

The door, that I left crack, is soon opening again and I think it's Fred or Doc or one of the guys, but when I look up from my suitcase to see Sparkie, I feel sick.

"You do realize sexual coercion is rape, right?" I blatantly ask, wanting him to know good and well what he's doing. 

"Not if it's consensual." He shrugs and I roll my jaw and zip up my bag.

"It's not consensual if you're having to blackmail me into doing it." I bite back, shoving past me to get out of the room, and I run smack dab into Fred, and pray he didn't hear our exchange. 

He opens his mouth to speak, quickly halting when Sparkie comes out behind me, smirking.

"Morning." He says to Fred. "Vivian." He more so sneers, heading to the elevator.

"The fuck is that about?" Fred asks, referring to Sparkie being in the room with me.

"Um, he was helping me pack." I lie, knowing if I tell him the truth he'll be arrested for murder.

"Right." He looks at me with unsure eyes before brushing it off. "We're loading up." 

Fred was a damn good actor.

The only thing keeping him from beating the shit out of Sparkie, was knowing when he told Nikki later on that night, Nikki would do a worse number on the bastard than he would.

"Wow, I can actually run a brush through it." I comment to Duff, combing out his hair before he picks up a can of hair spray to tease it a little.

"Extra conditioner. Who'da thought." He adds, grinning at me like a little kid.

"Viv, can you do this?" Stevie asks next, a slight whine to his voice.

"What is it?" I ask, stepping to him in the dressing room. 

When I see what he means, I look at him, unamused.

"Steven Adler. You know how to lace your pants up." 

"No, these are hard to do because the string is almost too big for the little holes they go through." He pleads his case, raising his brows. "You have tinier fingers, plus you're not fighting off an everlasting hangover and coke jitters."

I look down at his pants, seeing very well he's not wearing underwear, and take a deep breath.

"I'll keep my hands to myself, alright? I promise." He assures me, tucking his hands behind his back. 

"It's not your hands I'm worried about." I mumble, rolling my eyes.

I end up having to crouch to get eye level with the laces, and when the door opens up to reveal Axl, and I'm on my knees with my hands on the strings keeping Steven's penis separated from my face, it looks assbackwards--well, blowjobbackwards. 

"Can you stop blowing my band?!" Axl's meltdown tone on full effect and I look at him, wide eyed.

"I'm not blowing anybody!" I snap. 

"Except Duff." Slash mumbles with a little chuckle and Izzy finds humor in it as well. 

"Axl, dude, she's just helping me with my pants." Stevie defends me, raising his brows. "Besides if she was blowing me that'd be our fucking business."

"What did you just say to me?" Axl hones in on Steven, his eyes sharply narrowing, his jaw tightening. 

"I said, if she was sucking my fucking cock it would be mine and her's business--ya know, since we're both fucking grown-ass adults and you can't tell us what the fuck to do?" 

"You're in my fucking band, Steven, so yeah, actually, I believe I can tell you--"

"--Guys, don't fight." I say, standing up and crossing my arms. 

"--You can't tell me shit!" Steven outbursts. "Just like you can't tell Duff shit! He's a big boy and Viv's a big girl--what goes on between them doesn't concern any of us, especially not you." Steven pushes me out ot the way so he can stand nearly chest with chest with Axl. 

"Axl, Stevie, c'mon, now." Duff says, gently pulling me behind him as he steps to the guys, slowly urging them apart. 

"It does concern me because it's affecting Guns N' Roses." Axl hisses. 

"You act like she's fucking everything up, Axl! Just because he was late for one fucking rehearsal--"

"--A studio session, soundcheck, and, one fucking rehearsal." The red head snaps and I look at Duff, confused.

I didn't know he missed a studio session and soundcheck for me at one point...the look on Duff's face says that Axl was supposed to keep quiet about the studio session mishap and soundcheck.

He looks pissed.

"And I said it wouldn't happen again." Duff cuts in.

"Why can't you just back off?" I ask next without another thought.

"Because you spreading your legs is fucking up my band, Yoko!" Axl doesn't hesitate, and Steven's shoving at his shoulders, sending him shuffling back, catching himself on the closed door.

Just as Axl goes to get back at Steven, Duff intervenes, holding at Axl while I get in front of Steven and face him, keeping him from taking advantage of Axl being held still. 

There's a loud knock at the door and Doc peeks his head in.

"You're on." He tells the guys, shutting the door back.

Axl shoves Duff off of him and storms out while Steven ties his pants since I fixed the laces, and huffs out a breath.

"Izzy, either straighten your fucking buddy out or I will. I've about had his shit." Stevie threatens. 

Axl and Steven butted heads more than anybody in the band did at that time. Steven couldn't stand Axl's uptight arrogance, and Axl couldn't understand Steven's nonchalance. 

I think that's why it was so easy for Axl to give up on Steven when his drug abuse got so bad--he was tired of trying to understand Steven when he was decently sober, trying to understand him putting drugs before the band would have exhausted him to the point of no return.

They just couldn't ever get in tune with one another.

[rebelcap]

We are not just friends —Part 14

Chris Evans x bi!latina!character (Sofia is a people of color, she's brown.)

Chris and Sofia meet when their best friends started dating, it all started at friends with loads of bumps on the road.  

Warnings: drinking, smoking, drug use (weed), assault, Chris being Steve Rogers, commitment issues, my girl Sofia kinda messy, lots of fucking (eventually) 

This is slow burn at its best, at least emotionally. 

Series masterlist

"We haven't spoken on a while, I hurtled him, he was in love with me and I told him all that awful shit," Sofia answered Mandy when she asked if she's been talking to Chris. "Never apologized properly and basically broke up over a text. It's okay though, it's the best for him."

Mandy stayed quiet for a bit, looking at the road ahead while she drove to a doctor's appointment, there were going to get the baby's gender and she was going to keep the secret and go the whole baby reveal the gender. 

"I think he's seeing someone," Mandy told her and Sofia blinked. 

"Oh," 

"He's coming over this weekend, to the party." 

"Oh," 

"Say something more than oh?"

"I don't know what to say, alright. I can deal with it, I'm a big girl." Sofia said as her hands just started sweating out of nervousness. 

"Sure, looks like it. Big girl fucking sweating," Amanda pointed out and Sofia gives her a look. 

"Thanks for letting me know though," She said and sigh. "I'm getting so fucking drunk, I love you but I'm gonna be hammered enough for people to avoid me." 

"You can deal with whatever you want to, baby. I'm giving you a free pass," Amanda told her. "Dad still pretty stingy about me pregnant, so he's probably gonna be there drinking with you."

"He's excited, but he still sees you as your little girl, I mean, he probably it's picturing Luke cumming inside you." She laughed as Amanda hit her. 

"You're fucking disguising, ugh!" She punches her in her arm and her leg and then laughed. "It's probably true," 

They laughed together and after they leave the appointment Sofia couldn't stop crying when she saw the little peanut moving inside of her best friend. 

"Oh my fucking God, I'm so fucking emotional," She was sobbing as they climbed the car once again. 

"Don't you dare to fucking say it," Amanda threaten her as she started the car. "Don't, don't. Or yes, oh my fucking God tell me—" She turned to look at her. 

"You made me promise, I can't—you tell me this was gonna happen." Sofia laughed as she wipes her tears. "It's only two days, you'll be fine," She waves her off. 

"Two days, I can do that. Yes, sure. I can." 

~~~

She hasn't really had time to sat down and process what Mandy had told her in the car, Chris coming and he's seeing someone, that she thinks he's seeing someone. 

She was sitting cross-legged on the fluffy carpet as she eyed her cellphone, old messages between them still there and she types a 

—Hey Chris, heard you're back 

She didn't press send, it was just sitting there. Staring back at her, bold black letters getting bigger. 

"I shouldn't, God I shouldn't." She said to herself and grabbed her phone and deleted the text, reading the last text he sent. 

—I'm doing good, Sof, thanks for asking. 

God, that was cold and made her cry, I deserve it. She never went around to answer him, he never texted something else, that was two months ago. 

"What I'm doing?" She asked herself she read and still re-read the text. "He's seeing someone," 

With a sigh she let her cellphone on the carpet and get on dressing herself for the party, it was the engagement party slash gender reveal, so it was a huge thing. Everyone was coming, friends, family. 

She started drinking while getting ready, she was officially living alone for the past month because Mandy was living with her soon to be husband as she should be and she was pregnant, closer to her parents and Luke's family. Everything was going so great for everyone else and she felt like shit for the past four-month, depressed was an understatement.

Still, she made the party just in time. Carrying the cake she made with the stupid pink or blue gender reveal. Heels clicking on the floor as she made way between the people, stopping every two seconds saying hello to someone. 

It was draining, she wasn't in the mood to speak with everyone. Her hands were sweating as she played with the hem of her pretty pink bodycon dress and locked herself in the mirror, stressed, depressed, and about to see the guy you broke his heart and know she's probably in love with him. 

"Fuck my life," She mutter at herself in the mirror and grabbed the beer she was nursing, officially she was tipsy. 

More people were coming in and the place was slowly but steady was getting crowded, music was playing on the background. Sofia spotted Amanda and Luke, speaking with people kissing and hugging each other. She couldn't help but smile, they so deserve each other. 

"Holy shit," She heard a voice, and a pair of hands slide on her waist and pulled her back. "You look fucking gorgeous, never knew that pink was your color." It was Scott, placing a kiss on her cheek as she laughed. 

"Never used it, guess is a special occasion," She smiles posing at the same time. "I'm so glad you could make it," 

"I told you I'll be here," 

"Yeah, he's here isn't he?" Sofia asked and Scott changed his face for a second. 

"He is but he didn't come alone," Scott said as Sofia looked at him. "I was very vocal that he shouldn't come with her because it wasn't fair to you and it's very recent but she was supposed to go back to LA this afternoon but her flight got delayed for tomorrow morning—" 

Sofía ears were ringing as Scott keep explaining how Chris came with another woman, this is it—whatever little figment of hope that maybe Chris felt something for her still was light on fire, destroy. It was gone. 

"Okay," Sofia said looking at him. "It's fine I don't care." She shrugged, she did care, she obviously did care. "You want a drink?, I need a drink and there are these little things," Sofia made a gesture. "They're tiny but delicious."

Scott was amazed at the state of denial she had quickly reach, of course, he was going to play along. This wasn't the time to get her to talk. 

~~~

It was hard for not seeing her in the crowd, little pink dress running around always with a drink in her hand. Chris felt his stomach turn around all the time he catches sight of her. 

"Hey maaaan," He heard Luke's voice calling him and Chris smile, giving each other a hug. "Mandy is mad as hell, you prepare yourself." Luke laughed and Chris sigh. 

Oh he knew, he knew. 

"Yeah, I gather she'll be…" Chris said and looked at the girl beside him that was mingling like a pro, chatting with people.

"Chris!," Mandy said with a smile appearing from nowhere, the smile was there but the murderous look couldn't be hidden. 

"Hey Mand, looking good as ever," He embraces her and she whispered on his ear. "I'm going to fucking kill you," She laughed and grabbed his arms. 

Chris grabbed her hand and walked her to a little more private part, they needed to talk this out. 

"I didn't want to bring her, she wasn't even supposed to be here. I'm sorry," Chris said and Mandy looked at him. 

"I understand that I do. And it's okay, you don't wanna be an asshole she probably doesn't deserve that but," She took a breath." but not long ago you were crying in my fucking couch of how much you love that girl over there that's barely holding it together since all of this exploded, crying at every stupid thing and dealing with her guilt,"

"She broke out with me over text, Amanda. Basically told me that I wasn't important enough, didn't want to talk things out. She ended it," 

"She's in love with you. Sofia is in love with you and she doesn't know how to approach you to talk things out. She's awkward because she wants to do things right by you, dude." Amanda explained and Chris put both hands on his head,  "And them me being pregnant, getting married and I moved out. I know she's happy for me and it's rooting for me but there's a lot of change," Amanda said wiping her tears. "I know she feels left out and now you showed up to my engagement party with someone else while my best friend is literally trying to get it together." 

"Baby, we gotta keep going," Luke appeared, and Amanda sigh, walking away with her fiancé. 

~~~

Both are idiots, you guys agree?

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