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justwonder113 · 25 days ago

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Sharing bed with Seungmin

Chan; Lee Know ; Changbin; Hyunjin; Han; Felix; Seungmin; IN;

My Masterlist

Summary: After facing the horrible and vile beast and hurting your leg in the fight, your best friend offers to let you stay in his house. Where one thing might lead to another. Warning: cursing as always, there's no surprise there. Not proofread. Both Seungmin and Reader are quite goofy. Reader is gender neutral. Mentions of kissing.

A/N- Hey babies! I'mglad to say I'm back and well. I hope you'll like this fic. Reblogs and cooments are greatly appreciated. Feel free to request and send your thoughts if you have any��️ Word count- 1.8k

Having your own house is a beautiful experience. It’s like an adventure of having your own kingdom and being a monarch. You have all the privacy and personal space one can dream of; you have peace and quiet; you have freedom to do whatever you want be it walking around butt naked or cooking up a three course meal at 3am; you can have random 3 am dance concerts and so on and so on. Most importantly you could do whatever you wanted to decorate and style it which is what you were busy doing right now.

Lately your Pinterest feed was full of various versions of colorful archways. People came up with so many interesting ways to add a pop of color to their house and it seemed quite easy to do so. So here you were perched on the stool unleashing your inner artist on your archway. Well at least that was the plan. Everything went to gutter when you saw a movement in the corner of your eye. You turned around made eye contact with probably the most disgusting and vile looking grasshopper ever. The horrific appearance of the beast made you scream so hard the beast also got startled and fucking jumped on you! Obviously you lost your shit at that too, your already shaky and unstable stool just couldn’t take it anymore. One second you were screaming your lungs out the next second you were on the floor with your leg hurting like a bitch.

You must have made quite a lot of noise because almost immediately the front door of your house basically burst open and Seungmin rushed towards your hunching figure. You had almost forgotten he was supposed to come over. You had even left your door open for him. Quite convenient, because no way in hell would you be able to stand up and walk towards the door in this state. You sure as hell hoped you didn’t break it.

“Are you okay? What happened?” Seungmin looked frantic as he nervously examined you. You wanted to keep your cool, you really did. But the pain and the shock took over your senses and the next thing you knew you were bawling your eyes out as Seungmin, confused and unsure of what to do, cradled your body close to his frame and tried to calm you down.

You were unsure of what happened next. You were pretty out of it. Maybe out of shock maybe because of the painkillers, who knows. Seungmin did most of… Well basically everything. He helped you get ready, took you to the hospital, did basically all the talking with the doctors, stayed with you through every procedure… He even took care of all the paperwork, bought all the meds and not once did he complain about anything! Even more, he bought you to his house! Well he said because you couldn’t be trusted to be alone but you knew it was because he was worried, also you did complain quite a lot about being afraid of the beast lurking in your house. With your foot strained like this there wasn’t even a possibility for you to run away from the hideous creature.

If you thought that he wasn’t husband material before (oh no you were totally not crushing on your best friend, not at all!), he even made you dinner, which was just finger licking good! He made sure to step away to his room to make a call, but you could still hear how he asked Minho for tips. How could you not love him? He even called Minho! He hated asking him for help. He looked so good doing everything too, all you could think about was how you wanted to kiss him.

“You’re the best Minnie.” You cheered as he helped you get to bed. He insisted that you take his bed, refusing to hear you protest. You loved how he always acted like everything was such a bother and then went out of his way to do it.

“Shut it, I’m only letting you sleep on my bed because knowing your clumsy ass you’ll fall of the sofa and further injure yourself!” He grumbled as he tucked you in like you were a literal child.

“Aww you do care about me.” You couldn’t help but tease.

Seungmin only scoffed – “Don’t push it!”

“I love you too!”- You mused, he rolled hie eyes at that but you could have sworn the corner of his lips lifted up. He was about to leave but you reached in just in time to grab his hand. Seungmin looked taken aback for a second but quickly gathered himself. “Please stay?” You made sure to do your best puppy eyes and it worked! Seungmin immediately caved, but being a stubborn ass, he is he just plopped on you. Careful to not touch your leg but still with enough force to squish you.

Honestly, jokes on him because you only saw this as an opportunity to wrap your hands around him and tightly hug him. He “tried” to get free but you knew that this softie enjoyed the hug, the big ass smile on his face confirmed it. In mere sounds he stopped resisting and continued to just flop on you.

“What are you doing?” He huffed out while his face was adorned with the prettiest smile ever. God you couldn’t understand how could he say anything bad about his smile or even think of hiding it. It was always so innocent and pure. It never failed to put a smile on your face, to light up your whole world.

“Showing how thankful I am?!” – To further prove your point you leaned in and gave him the fastest smooch on his cheek. Seungmin made sure to grimace as dramatically as possible, but as always, his arms wrapping around your waist told whole another story about how he felt.

“Oh really? By kissing my cheek?” What a little shit. Now it was your time to roll your eyes. “Are you insinuating I should kiss you elsewhere?” You tried to not sound as hopeful as you actually felt.

Seungmin barked out a teasing laugh-“As if you could, you don’t have the guts for it!”

You quickly let go of him and crossed your arms to show your disdain, with equally matching scowl adorning your face. That didn’t stop him from hugging your frame, in fact he tightened his hold around your waist. “How dare you sir!”

Seungmin looked at you with challenging look, his eyes full of amusement. “What? Are you going to kiss me then?” His voice was teasing, you couldn’t tell if he was actually for real or not. You couldn’t’ tell if you should challenge him or not.

“I just might!” – You challenged, thinking that you just might as well go with it. You could always play as if you were joking. You hated hiding your true feelings but anything was better than possibly losing him as a friend.

“What are you waiting for then?”? You thought you knew him the best but you couldn’t really decipher what his face meant. Was he actually for real? Were you two about to cross the line that could possibly ruin your friendship either for the best or for the worst?

“Don’t you dare regret it!” You whispered against his lips. When did Seungmin’s face get so close? With every breath your lips slightly brushed against each other. You could smell the minty smell of his toothpaste. God you were really about to do it!

“Wouldn’t dream of it love.” His voice was low, almost like a whisper. God, you couldn’t resist him anymore. Here went nothing. Bringing him closer with his face you finally connected your lips together.

His lips were a bit cold and chapped but nonetheless you loved how they felt against yours. Your whole heart was bursting with joy. Every drag of your lips against each other felt like heaven, you couldn’t help but lean in for more. Seungmin must have also felt that way because he also kissed you like a starved man, like you were oxygen he needed to breathe. His hands had shifted from around your waist, one hand held your hip tightly while the other migrated to your neck and softly rested there. You also couldn’t keep your hands to yourself, your one arm was wrapped around his shoulders as the other still held his cheek to have him as close as possible. His lips were almost addictive like a drug you didn’t know needed in your life you just couldn’t get enough.

Unfortunately for you, you had to lean back to get some air. You always thought that oxygen was overrated anyway but biology or whatever. Seungmin also seemed unimpressed to be away from your lips but that still didn’t stop him from covering your whole face and neck with sweet kisses.

“I thought I was the one supposed to be the one saying thanks?” You couldn’t help but giggle as he kissed the ticklish spot on your neck. Seungmin looked up to you for a second then quickly got up. Your heart clenched at the idea that you might’ve done something wrong but he immediately washed away those worries by walking around the bed and laying down on the bed next to you, under the same queen size cover.

You looked at him with wide eyes as he got more comfortable laying on his back and opened his arms for you almost like an invitation. “All done!”

“What are you doing Min?” A smile crept up your face as you examined his mischievous smile.

“I just got more comfortable, you can thank me as much as you want now.” Seungmin answered proudly with the prettiest smirk adorning his face.

You couldn’t help but mirror the expression. “You’re such a brat sometimes. What should I do with you?”

As if seriously thinking things over Seungmin furrowed his eyebrows and to be extra dramatic crossed his arms. You loved how giddy he felt after your kiss. It felt nice knowing you weren’t the only one losing your shit on the inside.

Seungmin smiled, and you knew immediately he was about to smartass you. You tried to turn away from him to not give him the satisfaction but he was quicker. He wrapped his arms around you and brought you closer to his body, his forehead gently resting on yours. “You love me!” After rolling your eyes at his goofyness you sighed in defeat and relaxed into the hug.

“You know what? I do.” You leaned in and sealed your lips again to further confirm your feelings. You would have hurt your leg a long time ago if you knew it things would end up like this.

Reblogs and comments are highly appreciated^^

Taglist (feel free to either comment or massage me if you want to be added to my taglist ❤️) : @velvetmoonlght

#stray kids #stray kids x reader #skz #skz x reader #stray kids fluff #stray kids imagines #skz fluff #skz imagines #stray kids scenarios #seungmin #kim seungmin #kim seungmin x reader #seungmin fluff #seungmin imagines #seungmin skz #seungmin stray kids #seungmin x reader #skz seungmin #stray kids seungmin

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szqnxi · 25 days ago

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OMG I NEED MORE OF NUMBER ONE FAN ITS ACTUALLY HAS ME GIGGLING AND KICKING ME FEET AHHH

Here ya go anon 😉 Also, don't hesitate to reach out if any of y'all want to be added on this fic's taglist

Your number 1 fan (Part 1)

Katsuki Bakugo x reader

Patrol was exceptionally boring, much to Katsuki's dismay. Today turned out to be a quite typical day and he absolutely hated it. There were no villains to fight or anything of the sort, which had left Katsuki itching for some action.

They had just finished patrolling the area and were currently hanging out on the rooftop of a random building in Musutafu. Kirishima and Mina were engaged in their own conversation, bickering over options for dinner, leaving him alone to his own business.

He was scrolling through his phone, when he stumbled upon your new song called Juno. It had been released a week prior, but with his busy schedule, he hadn't had a chance to listen to it until now.

Perfect timing. He thought to himself as he put on his earphones.

Don't have to tell your hot ass a thing

Oh yeah, you just get it

Whole package, babe, I like the way you fit

God bless your dad's genetics, mm, uh

Not even a few seconds into listening and he was already certain that this would become his new favorite song of yours. The song was incredibly catchy and he wasn't going to pretend otherwise. Katsuki was genuinely enjoying your song, finding himself unconsciously tapping his foot along to the beat.

The chorus of the song was captivating, though he wasn't really surprised by your lyricism because of your other songs.

But just when he thought the song couldn't get any better, the bridge part came along, hitting him harder than he had expected.

Adore me

Hold me and explore me

Mark your territory (Ah-ah)

Tell me I'm the only, only, only, only one (Ah-ah)

He froze, muttering a curse under his breath when he pictured your pretty face singing that particular line from the song, as if you were singing it directly to him.

*Click*

Katsuki snapped out of his thoughts when he spotted Mina holding up her phone, taking a picture of him. He had been so focused on your song that he didn't notice her approaching with her phone.

"The fuck are you taking a pic for?!" He scowled at Mina, who was now grinning mischievously before taking a picture, again.

"What are you even listening to?" Mina inquired.

"None of your goddamn business" He scoffed

She swiftly snatched one of his earphones, running away a little from Katsuki before listening to the song herself. "Oohh Juno? Nice song choice!" She commented, teasingly grinning at him.

Katsuki's eyes twitched.

"You... little shit!!" He growled, launching himself at Mina and started chasing her as she laughed and ran away like her life depends on it.

Coz it does.

Next>>

Number 1 Fan Masterlist

Note: This is short lol and as usual this ain't really proof read. Also, happy 100 followers to me. Feel free to drop some scenarios in my request box and I'll see if I can add it to future parts of this fic

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thyfleshc0nsumed · 27 days ago

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Hey actually let's talk about cigarette burns since I feel like they're pretty in vogue rn for the t4t girlies out there. I have a few dozen of em so I'll share my experience.

First off, they are usually going to be semi permanent if not permanent. Not saying don't do it, but I am saying that should be considered.

There are ~16 on the back of my hand, all from around the same time from over 2 and a half years ago. Most if not all were not from putting out a square, but instead, holding the cherry against the skin. Most are faded enough that you have to look really close, but a few you could see from a glance

Most of these below are from a year and a change to nine-ish months ago, and they all were from putting out cigarettes. Some of them have a slight bump to them (likely small keloids) whereas some of them are much flatter. They don't itch or irritate and besides the visual blemish, I wouldn't notice I had em. Some are very faded and don't even show up well on camera, whereas others are very noticable even from a distance. I would very much not recommend getting them on your breasts, those are the only ones I regret. They healed slower and poorer and I just don't like their look.

I also have some on my back and legs but they're similar enough to examples shown here.

Second--the actual act of burning. Look idk jack shit but I find it's less painful and heals much nicer to just get it all done quick. It's like putting out a candle with your fingers. From contact with the skin to being pushed down all the way should probably be like a second, maybe less. Once it's out, it's out, it's not really gonna damage the skin any more, so unless you're going for long term skin damage, the name of the game is speed.

If you want to make that second hurt a little more, give it a drag right before you press it down, it'll heat the cherry up, though again, more likely to damage the skin more. Want it to hurt/damage a little less, wait till it's already going out. Besides that, any actual tips for putting on a good show are for another time.

Finally--caring for the wounds. I literally did nothing to care for any mine so no advice from me besides probably hit that bad boy with some alcohol wipes every now and then and please don't keep picking at it. I'm sure others can add what to actually do. I did have luck breaking down one that turned into a keloid by massaging it gently for a bit every few hours for a week or two but that could be random

I'm sure there are other risks but this is just things I've run into with burns, so others can feel free to add on

If u appreciated this post, consider checking out my leather at pansy-leatherwork.com

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tickfleato · 1 year ago

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how to make cool blobby turing patterns in photoshop

i'll preface with i learned the basic loop from skimming a tutorial on youtube, but as someone who prefers written tutorials i'm sure many would appreciate one! also, the second part of this is some of the visual effects i figured out on my own using blending modes and stuff.

i'm using photoshop CS4 on a mac so some buttons and stuff might be in different places on windows and newer photoshop versions but all the actions are the same. my canvas is 1000x1000 pixels.

UPDATES (i'm hoping these'll show up whenever you open the readmore?)

it's possible to do something similar in krita using this plugin, made by the love @arcaedex

it's also possible to do this in photopea, a free browser alternative to photoshop! the results are pretty much identical.

FIRST off you wanna get or make a black and white image of some kind. it has to be one layer. can be noise, a photo, a bunch of lines, whatever. here's mine, just some quick airbrush lines:

now find the actions tab. idk what it looks like in newer versions of photoshop but you probably won't need to dig!

hit the little page thingy to make a new pattern. once you hit 'record', it'll record everything you do. the little square 'stop' icon will end it.

now you want to do a high pass filter. you can mess around with the radius to change the size of your squiggles, but the tutorial had it set to 6. experiment!

now add the 'threshold' adjustment layer. i use the adjustments tab but i think there's also a dropdown menu somewhere. keep it at the default, 128. merge it down. (control or command + E or you can right click it like some kind of weirdo)

and finally, the gaussian blur! the radius of this affects the shape and size of your squiggles as well. i like to keep it around 4.5 but you can mess around with that too.

after that, hit 'stop' on the action you're recording, and then repeat it a bunch of times using the 'play' button, until you have something you like, like this:

WOW!! that was fun!! and only a little tedious thanks to the power of macros. anyway, here's some fun layer blending stuff i like to do. it's with a different pattern cause i made this bit first.

anyway, using a black and white gradient (or a grey base that you do black and white airbrush on), make a layer with the vivid light. this will make the blobs look thicker or thinner.

then, for cool colors, do a gradient map adjustment layer over that:

and finally, my best friend, the overlay layer. just using a gradient here bc i'm lazy, but feel free to experiment with brushes, colors, and blending modes!

NOW GO. MAKE COOL SHIT WITH THE POWER OF MATH. AND SEND IT TO ME

also these are not hard and fast rules PLEASE mess around with them to see what kind of weird shit you can make. here's a gif. as you can see i added some random airblush blobs in the middle of it, for fun.

#photoshop #turing pattern #tutorial #photoshop tutorial #abstract art #reaction diffusion pattern

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bowandcurtsey · 1 year ago

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when y/n's ex appears Pt 1.

BC boys: Yuno | Zora | Luck [Part 1]

JJK: Sukuna | Gojo [Part 2]

Haikyuu: Kuroo | Nishinoya | Sakusa [Part 3]

x f! reader

This is gonna be a 3 part series because there's a lot of characters and the tags are gonna be so long so I just decided to put them into 3 parts in the end. Enjoy!!

Yuno Grinberryall

{So your ex shows up at the golden dawn base to ask you for help with his parents. And although reluctantly, you agreed to help a little because his parents treated you so well when you both were together.}

Yuno is extremely quiet all of a sudden. Eerily quiet. Plotting-someone's-death kinda quiet.

It was obvious the scumbag could settle his family shit on his own but he's just pulling on loose strings trying to get you back.

How could he ever hold a candle to Yuno? Yuno was a humble man but even he himself knew it; your ex could never compare to him.

But there was an eenie weeny part of him that asked: what if?

What if as you spent time together again and with his parents, you miss the old times? Or you realised he's not that bad after all? or worst, fall in love with him again?

When you came home, he'd still didn't talk much. he didn't know what to say either. He didn't want to ask how was your day because he doesn't want to know how you spent it with him.

He didn't want to ask why do you even do all these because he doesn't want to make you feel bad. he knew you did it because you were kind and you don't forget people that were once kind to you.

He loved you for you, so instead, he chose to keep quiet and pull you closer whenever you came home, hugging you close to his chest, nuzzling into your hair, to remind him that you're his. All his.

At some point you know you're hurting his feelings by being close with your ex again, so you reassure him again and again, that once the matter is resolved, you'll cut all contact with your ex.

Just add some cheesy, mushy compliment and Prince Yuno will be all blushing and feeling good again.

Zora Ideale

{Your ex came to the black bulls base, running away from some perpetrators, begging for protection and a place to hide at for awhile. He said he's do anything and he could do cleaning and odd jobs for free. Of course your captain Yami wasn't gonna give up on a free errand boy. Besides, it was only temporary.}

This man was salty af. He would side eye him, stare him down, prank him ALL THE TIME.

Your ex would get a stink bug multiple times a day at random places. Like his pockets, his shoes, his hair even.

Zora was extra snappy with your ex. He would nitpick even on the smallest things.

"It's "you are". not "your". dimwit."

Or he was extremely mean to him.

"You missed a spot here. can't even clean properly."

If you ever told Zora to "be nice" or anything along the line, he'd get upset. He'll give you the look and he'll roll his eyes a little.

Man simply does not care about your ex's feelings or whatsoever. In his eyes, your ex was a low-life for ever hurting you before and he hated the fact that he's now trying to squeeze his way into your life again.

Cue the extreme display for public affections. *Jeng Jeng Jeng*

He'll put his hands around your waist, on your ass, on your shoulders, in your hair, on your thighs. More often than normal.

If you thought that Zora has never cared before this, you're wrong. Now he's even more shameless. He could pull you in for a kiss just in front of your ex's face if he thinks that he's checking you out. (he barely took a glance). And he's always lying on your lap if you're sitting in the shared living room.

Zora never used to care about what you wore in the past. But now, you're not allowed to wear shorts or skirts above the knee. You're also not allowed to wear sleeveless clothes.

If you argue, he'd say: "well, you're the one that wanted to let that leacher in, so dress up unless I'll kick him out and you can be naked for all I care."

Behind closed doors, he's become more of the big spoon. Usually he's also happy being caressed in your arms, but during the period that your ex was here, he always held you firmly in his arms as he slept.

Luck Voltia

{well, you bumped into him when the bulls were on a mission. It had been awhile since you guys talked, so your ex was really keen in catching up. He comes to look for you at every chance he got - during patrol duties, during events, during your off days. Somehow he's appear.}

Luck was initially friendly to him. Asking him if he wanted to spar. Even when he introduced himself as your ex, Luck simple introduced himself as your boyfriend, proudly. He did not even batter an eyelid when your ex said that you used to date.

Your ex tried to spar with Luck but of course Luck would beat him hands down. Your ex tried multiple of times for the first few times they met. But he ended up just embarrassing himself, and Luck would always laugh.

Of course your ex being the stingy and petty person he was, he took it to heart and tried to complain about Luck to the Magic Parliament about a Magic Knight injuring a civilian.

Well, he obviously did not win because he then angered Captain Yami because Yami had to waste his time on a minor issue.

Luck finally understood what your ex was getting at and he then showed no mercy to your ex.

"so... you complaint that I injured you on purpose? Maybe let me show you what is on purpose..." he had a smile on his face when he said it, and it was hella scary.

Luck was on his tail for a good month, teasing him, pranking on him, chasing after him EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Luck was so fast, you didn't even know what happened but in the blink of an eye, your ex was sprawled on the floor. If your ex was headed somewhere, you bet Luck would bring him all the way back to the start point just as he was about to reach his destination.

Whatever your ex touched, was leave a static shock and Luck would just laugh. Your ex could never even find any evidence of Luck playing him or even touching him.

It went on until your ex had to kneel in front of Luck, begging him to stop, "I will never appear in front of you or y/n again, so please leave me off the hook!"

That night, Luck asked you if you would be sad to never see your ex again. "I'm sorry if I went too far this time round..."

But of course you reassured him that you have not seen your ex in ages and of course you would never mind not ever seeing him again.

And Luck was back to his jovial self.

#yuno grinberryall hcs #yuno hcs #yuno imagines #yuno x reader #yuno grinberryall imagines #yuno grinberryall x reader #zora ideale headcanons #zora x reader #zora ideale x reader #luck voltia hcs #luck voltia x reader #luck black clover #black clover headcanons #black clover imagine #black clover x reader #black clover scenarios #black clover fanfiction #black clover imagines

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you-call-it-a-dude · 4 months ago

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Just Can't Hack It Pt.2

Pt.1

Request: so this is part two to a story. The original request was reader dealing with substance use. I had a few folks wanting another part and I was feeling inspired to add a second part so I did!

Pairings: Leighton Murray x female reader

Warnings: TW!!! I would say this one is more triggering than the first. Mentions of opioid use, accidental overdose, use of narcan/naloxone, difficult discussions around the topic of addiction, needles. This is a super heavy story. Read with caution, take a step back if it's not for you. I have many other stories you can check out if you want something more light hearted. Nobody dies, but it's a pretty realistic scenario about addiction/loving someone with addiction. Could be triggering in many ways, so please be aware.

Authors Note: here I go again adding more chapters to stories I've been saying imma leave as one shots lol. This story is super depressing, I'm so sorry. If you're into that tho, welcome lol. I apologize for my lack of posting. Ive had a lot of life changes happen recently and my mental health hasn't been the greatest (maybe writing this depressing ass chapter will help). I do want to clarify, I am not a drug user. Just a social worker that reads, does research lol. Thank you all for your patience, thank you so everyone that's read my other work while waiting for me to post again. I love you all. I love you for reading, for sharing opinions and engaging in discussions with me and I love you for existing. I hope you like this next chapter

**if you have any questions regarding Narcan/Naloxone, fentanyl test strips, or anything like that, feel free to reach out**

----

You woke up with a loud gasp, some random girl rubbing circles on your sternum. You rushed to sit forward, accidentally shoving her back.

The air was flowing back into your lungs and you felt like you couldn't get it in there quick enough. Your teeth were chattering and you were in that same fucking basement DJ died in.

You grab her wrist with shaky hands and she talked to you calmly, asking you if you were okay and all you could do was shake your head no. Your chest was heaving and it felt like you were inhaling razor blades or something.

What the fuck?

"Sit up slow." She tells you, helping you sit up and you notice her hands are also shaking. "You should probably go to the emergency room." She tells you and you're confused because you don't know why.

"Did something happen?" You ask, your throat dry. You cough to clear it and when you reach forward to grab a cup of whatever off the table, you see an oddly shaped object discarded on the table. You pick it up, your hands still shaking and you run your thumb over the pink 'Narcan' written on the label "Fuck." You whisper to yourself. "Fuck, did...?" You turn your attention to her and she kind of just shrugs.

"I'm not sure honestly. Maybe? But I didn't think it could hurt. You didn't look great, like at all."

You continue to stare down at the small nasal spray, your hands still shaking like never before. You blinked hard a few times, trying to wrap your head around everything.

"I'm so sorry." You apologized to this stranger for most likely traumatizing the fuck out of her.

"Do you have someone to call? You probably need to go to the emergency room." She ignored your apology and something about that made you feel like shit.

"Emergency room? What? That stuff worked. I'm fine." You say, tossing the bottle back onto the table.

"Yeah, but it wears off in like thirty minutes, more or less." She points out.

"Wears off?!" You ask in shock and she nods at you, looking at you like you were stupid.

"And I'm not using my other one on you so I suggest you go." She said with a slight attitude, no longer giving off that friendly vibe she had before. "And maybe get your own for next time, yeah?"

"Fine, Jesus." You say, no longer feeling as indebted to her the more bitchy she got toward you.

You take a few moments to gather yourself, still feeling not the greatest. The girl next to you that potentially saved your life was now injecting something between her toes and if that wasn't enough motivation to get the fuck up and go, you don't know what is.

You grab your things and thank her again. Unsurprisingly, she doesn't say anything back.

Your legs feel weak and shaky. Getting up the stairs and out of the house took way more effort than it should've. You hated this fucking place and you felt disgusting for even coming back.

Your intention was to take an Uber to the emergency room on campus, but when you checked your bank account you were almost certain a ride request wouldn't even go through.

You physically just felt too weak to stand so you sat on the curb, knowing you were going to have to call Leighton and just fucking hated yourself for it.

You pulled out the pills you had taken from your pocket and investigated them. You got them from Liza instead of your normal dealer. She told you they would be exactly the same pills you were used to buying from Angel, just less expensive. Your lack of funds sold you on them immediately. Except now that you actually took the time to study them, you realize they looked nothing like the other ones.

You had no idea what you took.

What you do know is you took two of them at once. It was less than what you normally would've taken. You can't even remember why you decided to only take two instead of your usual four, but clearly sober you was looking out.

Well...semi-sober you.

You called Leighton and it took three tries for her to answer. She was mad at you again because you bailed on her the other night on dinner plans that you made.

"Hello?" She finally answered. You could hear laughter in the background so you knew she was out with friends or out doing something and it made you feel even worse to ask her for help.

"Hi, Leight." You say softly, pushing your fingertips into your eyes trying to build up the courage to ask her. "Can you help me, please?"

"Help you?" She sounds concerned and you hear a door close behind her, all of the noise fading away. "What's going on?"

"I need-I need, fuck!" You try, the words feeling almost impossible to get out. "I need to go to the emergency room, I think." You finally get out, blinking hard to keep your brain working.

"Emergency room? What's going on? Where are you?"

"Please, Leighton. I'm at the blue house on the edge of campus. You know the one." You rub your palm against your forehead. "Can you please just come get me."

"Yeah. I know the one." Of course she did. Everyone knows the blue fucking house. It's literally nicknamed the druggie house on campus. There's only one reason people went there. Her voice sounded monotone and she was definitely connecting some dots. "I'm coming, I'm not far away." She hangs up on you before you can even tell her goodbye and you just feel her disappointment radiating through the phone.

It was less than ten minutes when you saw a familiar car pull up.

Leighton stepped out of the passenger side and as soon as the door closed, the window was rolling down to reveal Whitney in the drivers seat.

"Are you kidding me, Leighton." You complained as she rushed over to help you.

"Shut up." Whitney said from the driver's side, rolling her eyes at you.

"Fuck you!" You spat at her, letting Leighton help pull you to your feet.

"No, fuck you! What the hell is wrong with you?" You stayed silent because you didn't have an answer to her question. "That's what I fucking thought. Now get in the car."

Leighton sat in the back with you, letting you lay your head on her lap. She hasn't said a single word to you since she picked you up and you don't know if it was the drugs or the anxiety caused by her silence that was making your heart race the way it was.

Your body was sore and your head ached. You turned so you could bury your face in her sweater, inhaling the smell of her. She massaged your scalp, pulling you closer to her body.

Whitney dropped you both off at the front door and said to call her when you needed to be picked up. She sounded a lot nicer now, but she was also talking to Leighton.

You weren't feeling great at all and you definitely had the fear that whatever dosage that girl gave you was wearing off and you were going to die in the waiting room of this fucking hospital.

Leighton helped bring you to the front desk. You declined her offer of a wheelchair because something about that just felt degrading. Having to have her push you because of something you did to yourself?

Falling to the ground and crawling would be less embarrassing.

The woman at the desk greeted you and asked what was going on and you hesitated. Because even though Leighton probably figured shit out by now, you never said it out loud.

Saying it out loud would finally be admitting that you had a problem, which is why you've avoided it for so long.

"I-um-I-" both Leighton and the lady at the desk with the patience of a saint watch you fiddle nervously with the pen attached to a chain. "I am not feeling too great. I was given narcan maybe thirty minutes ago." You were blinking rapidly trying to get through your sentence, the fluorescent lighting and the pounding headache was making your brain short circuit.

The lady at the desk sat up quickly, asking you for your ID and insurance card, asking someone behind her to call for a nurse. You pulled your wallet from your pocket and Leighton had to help you pull the cards out because your hands were shaking and you just couldn't do it.

A male nurse appeared out of nowhere with a rolling blood pressure cuff and asked you to follow him to the triage area.

"What about my stuff?" You ask, letting this man escort you to a little area.

"I've got it, baby." Leighton said calmly, a few steps behind you, shoving your ID back into your wallet that she was still holding.

You sat down in a chair with your feet planted firmly on the floor like instructed and you felt like this firm wooden chair was consuming you.

He slipped the blood pressure cuff on your arm, the stethoscope planted firmly in the center of your arm. His eyes never left you while he asked you some questions.

"Do you know how many doses of the narcan you received?"

"Just one." You say and he nods.

"What did you take?" He asks, making eye contact with you and waiting for your response.

You swallowed and looked up at Leighton, who was waiting at you expectantly to answer.

"I don't know. It wasn't from my usual person. My friend that got it for me said it would be the same and it wasn't. I took less than what I normally would." You admit and it sounds embarrassing to even say something like that. You just hope he doesn't ask you-

"How much do you normally take? How much did you take of these?"

"Um, four to five 10mg Percocet. I only took two of these."

"Okay." He nods and the machine starts to beep. He removes the cuff from your arm and motions to someone behind you. "We are going to take you back now, okay? Your blood pressure is too low." He said while he and Leighton help you stand up and you were mortified to find them leading you to a wheelchair.

"Yeah, okay." You nod and when you sit you look back between Leighton and the nurse with a panicked expression. "Can she come back with me?"

"Of course." He takes hold of the wheelchair and takes you to a double door, pressing the button and leading you and Leighton through a maze of curtained rooms before bringing you to an open bed.

As soon as your butt hit that bed, two nurses were rushing in one was hooking you up to different machines and pulling down your shirt to stick electrodes on your chest to monitor your heart.

Before you could even process anything, your bed was being lowered and you were laying flat on your back and the second nurse was giving you a second dose of narcan up your nostrils while the first nurse finally explained to you and Leighton what the fuck was going on.

She said that narcan is usually done in two or more doses and that it often wears off before the effects of the pills do. That because you only received one dose, you were already showing the signs of the first dose wearing off and going into another potential overdose.

You didn't even have time to panic or freak out. They had the narcan up your nose and had you sitting back up like it never even happened. Leighton nodding with wide eyes from the chair next to you and trying to absorb what the nurse was saying.

You gripped the bridge of your nose and squinted your eyes while the nurse finished speaking, already starting to feel better.

"We are going to keep you here for a couple of hours just for monitoring." She rolls a little tray over to your bed that has a needle, test tubes, and a tourniquet. All the makings for getting your blood drawn. "We are required to do a toxicology screening on you, especially since you do not know what you took." She slips on a new pair of gloves. "These results will not be shared with the university." She reassured when she saw your face drop. "Arm out."

She cleaned your arm with an alcohol pad and tied the elastic tourniquet around your arm, pressing on your veins to find a vein. She inserts the needle in your arm and you watch the multiple vials fill up. She removes the tourniquet, has you hold a cotton ball where the needle went in and slaps a bandaid over it. She cleans up the area and says she'll be back shortly and walks out without saying another word.

Leighton had been silent the entire time. She was holding your things and sitting on the chair next to your bed watching the monitor with all off your vitals. Her eyes looked glassed over and you didn't know what to say or how to even begin to say it.

"Thanks for coming with me." You say pitifully and her eyes dart from the monitor to look over at you.

"I feel so stupid." She says, shaking her head. "Everything is like, making sense now, you know? The missed dates, the weird behavior, the angry outbursts." She nods her head, almost like she was agreeing with her own thoughts.

"I'm so sorry."

"And then you take shit that you don't even know what it is and- and you fucking overdose? What if you fucking died, Y/N?" She sounds so angry, but you can see she's on the verge of tears. You reach for her, touching her arm and she yanks herself away from you. "Don't fucking touch me."

"Then fucking go if you don't want to stay." You say, staring up at the ceiling, blinking back tears.

"Stop."

"I should've just let myself die on the curb of that stupid fucking house." You slammed your head against the pillow, the machines beeping like crazy for a brief moment.

"Can you just shut the fuck up with that self deprecating shit?" She spits, crossing her arms and legs.

She's very closed off and distant now. It almost felt like you could feel her distancing herself from you in real time. There's an awkward silence between the two of you and you reach for her.

"Leighton..."

"Mmmh mmmh." She shakes her head no, keeping her attention focused on her phone

"Baby." You try again and when her fingers pause over the phone screen you know you're getting somewhere. "Please, baby."

She rolls her eyes and sighs, giving you her attention.

"What."

"I'm really sorry." You say sincerely, playing with the edge of the flimsy hospital blanket.

"For...?" There was no hint of emotion to her voice. But in scenarios like this, Leighton was always good at shutting down and putting her walls up.

"For how I've been treating you. For a lot of things."

"If that's all you're going to say, that's a really shitty fucking apology."

"No! Of course that's not all. I-fuck. Okay. Just give me a second to collect my thoughts."

"Well, maybe if you weren't high on god knows what you'd be able to give me a less pathetic apology."

Maybe it was your high wearing off, maybe it was just the drugs in general, but man for the briefest moment you wanted to cuss her out.

You clench your jaw and exhale through your nose in an attempt to remain calm.

"If you let me fucking finish talking maybe you'll be more than the pathetic apology." You say through gritted teeth and she just raises her eyebrows at you expectantly. "I fucked up, okay? I know that. I didn't mean for it to get this bad." You admit and she tilts her head, her gaze visibly softening.

"What do you mean?" She scoots the hospital chair closer to your bed.

"I got the meds originally when I messed up my knee. It freaked me out about if I would get to play again or not. When I got back into it, it was great, but I fucking sucked and there was this insane amount of pressure to be as good as I was before my injury. There still is that pressure. My knee just felt tight all the time. Like it was about to snap at any moment. I did the physical therapy, the ice baths, I did everything. Well, everything but admit that maybe it's just straight up fucked." You look down and begin to pick at on your fingertips. Leighton reaches forward to stop you and instead you press your thumb against one of her manicured nails, enjoying the feeling of the pinpricking pressure against your fingertip.

"Keep going, baby." She encourages softly and you could feel yourself relax.

"I refilled my final prescription for my meds right before I started playing again. I would ration the bottle and take them after games and stuff. Then I took them during a game and realized I could play pretty damn good and my leg felt fantastic. Well, until afterwards when it felt worse than ever. Turns out if you take meds to prevent pain, it's really difficult to gauge when you're pushing yourself too far. So I would take some meds before the game, during the game, then again after the games..." Leighton opens her mouth to speak, but you continue with your thought. "...And then one or two more before bed."

"Jesus Christ, Y/N." She says, sounding both shocked and horrified. "I don't even...how long-how many? I don't know! I'm trying not to ask my question without sounding like a dick." She admits and looks to you for some guidance.

You don't know her exact question, but you can guess where she was going with it.

"It was supposed to be refill that lasted three months and finished it in like a month. Maybe a month in a half if I want to be generous. They were a low-ish doses, so I would take more."

"How many were you supposed to take a day? How many did you take?" She asked her questions in a quick succession.

"I was supposed to take one, max two, a day." She nodded and raised her eyebrows expectantly. "I was taking like four to six."

"I-what?! You know what," she takes a deep breath to calm herself down. "Let me approach this in a non-judgmental way. I just, I really want to know what happened to escalate the situation and bring us where we are now." She squeezes your hand reassuringly.

"So my prescription runs out and I find a connect when I go to one of the parties at the blue house. I got pills from him for a while, but you would not believe how expensive opioids are." You tried to joke, only when you looked up to see Leighton was not laughing, not even cracking a smile, you quickly cleared your throat and got serious. "After DJ died in the house, I starting using more and it was just getting more expe-"

"Wait what? The guy that overdosed in the house, you were his friend?"

"I, well, yes. But I was also...there. I called the ambulance when I found him." You could feel everything else coming out like word vomit. "I introduced him to Liza, who introduced him to drugs." You clenched your jaw, trying to swallow down the breakdown you've been keeping at bay for over a month now. "I killed him, Leighton. It's my fault he's dead." You look up at her tearfully and when Leighton frowns and calls you 'baby', you fucking lose it.

She stands up and pulls your face from your hands. The machines attached to you are beeping rapidly for who knows what fucking reason and it was pissing you off.

"Get these off of me." You say mid sob, attempting to pull the electrodes of your chest, yanking at the wires and your shirt blindly. "Get these fucking off!"

Leighton was fighting your arms at this point, doing her best to keep your arms still. Your brain could comprehend that you were smacking her unintentionally, hitting her arms, her hands, and her chest. You felt like your body was stuck between fight and flight right now. You felt out of control in every aspect, mentally and physically. You wanted to stop, you wanted to calm down, you just literally could not.

Within seconds two nurses came in and Leighton held your arms until one of the nurses took her place. Her absence felt more upsetting and agitating, so you attempted to reach for her. Your throat felt raw from crying and now you were screaming for Leighton, begging her to help you.

You gripped a nurses arm tightly, your face smushed against her scrubs while you watched Leighton's horrified expression as the two nurses turned you on your side. One of them pulled your pants down on one side and inject a tranquilizer into your ass cheek.

You gasped and squeezed the nurses arm, mortified about what happened and that it happened in front of Leighton. You were also both shocked and impressed at how quickly your heart rate was going down.

You also felt absolutely terrible for the tears and snot you were getting on this poor nurse's scrubs. Going back and forth between pitifully apologizing to her and to Leighton while the meds kicked in.

You could feel your arms getting heavy and the nurses began to lay you on your back again. The one you were gripping for dear life was covering you with a blanket and you can over hear the one that injected your ass trying to talk Leighton through what she just witnessed.

Something about it being normal behavior when coming off a lot of drugs so suddenly. You don't fucking know.

What you do know is Leighton looked pale and traumatized and that it was absolutely your fucking fault.

You reached for her. Desperately trying to tell her that you loved her. That you're in love with her and that you were so fucking sorry.

She looked at you confused, holding your hand and telling you she couldn't understand what you were saying. You could feel yourself getting riled up mentally, but your body felt stuck. Like gum to the bottom of a fucking shoe you were stuck and locked into this bed.

The nurses left and she pulled her chair close to your bed again, her hand never letting go of yours while she did. She sat in front of you, calling you baby, pushing hair from your face, and telling you that it was okay and to just close your eyes for a little bit.

You moaned and whined, tears sliding down your cheeks. They matched the ones streaming down Leighton's and you wanted you kiss them away. Instead she wiped your tears and begged you not to cry, her lips pressed against the side of your head.

You closed your eyes, Leighton's lips against your temple while she whispered calming things in your ear.

---

You woke up confused. You had a hospital gown on over your shirt and pants, and you were also pretty sure you were in a different room.

"Water?" You croak, your mouth dryer than nothing you have ever experienced before.

"Here." Came a voice next to you that was most definitely not Leighton.

You turn your head to the side to see Whitney holding a styrofoam cup with a straw and you push yourself to sit up straight, blinking and wiping away the dried up tears and sleep gunk from your eyes.

You hesitate at first, but you take the cup from her. You drink the cool ice water down like your life depended on it.

"Thank you." You tell her when you finished drinking, breathing heavily like a toddler after they downed some juice. You look around the room for any signs of Leighton, finding none. You try not to panic, but the machine measuring your hate rate gives you away.

"She'll be back. I sent her home a bit ago to change into different clothes and get something to eat." Whitney informs you, setting the water on the little table. She stands up and goes to the sink, wetting a small stack of those thin paper towels with warm water and wiping your face and mouth. You could feel your dried spit and snot come off with ease. You closed your eyes while she wiped your face, too tired to feel embarrassed. "Better?" She asks you, patting your face with a dry paper towel when she was done.

You nod your head yes, settling further into the bed.

"How long was I out?" You stare at the analog clock on the wall, but it doesn't help much since you didn't even know the time you came in or were knocked out at.

"Maybe seven hours? It's been a while. They said it could range from like six to twelve hours." You nod, staring at your covered feet. You can feel yourself checking out mentally, but Whitney talking again brings you back to earth. "Leighton filled me in, I hope that's okay."

"Mhmm, yeah." You shrugged and nodded, trying to hide your shame over the fact that another person knows this about you now.

"Why didn't you say anything to anyone?" She was soft with her approach, but there was a thin layer of assertiveness underneath.

"Well, Whitney, the thing about having a drug problem is you don't really fucking realize you have a drug problem until you end up in a hospital and get a needle shoved into your ass cheek. Or, maybe it's when a girl that injects meth between her toes gets pissy for using her Narcan on you. Gee, I just can't decide." You say sarcastically and Whitney's face hardens slightly.

"Okay, I get it." She says defensively, sitting back in the chair to lean away from you. You sigh and attempt to run a hand through your hair, but it's all matted and sweaty.

"Sorry, I'm sorry." You say quietly. "I thought I had a handle on it, okay? I didn't think it was a problem." You admit, nodding your head as you thought to yourself. "Clearly." You vaguely gesture to yourself laid up in a hospital bed and Whitney nods.

"Everything is starting to make sense though. Your behaviors, your angry outbursts, the way you treated Leighton."

You wince at that last one. You treated her horribly the last like eight months and you knew that.

It was such a weird feeling. To love someone so deeply and be unable to stop yourself from absolutely wrecking them and treating them like shit.

"Yeah, I've been told already things are adding up. Glad I could provide some clarity." You give her a tight lipped smile and a weak thumbs up.

"You're awake!"

You look up to see Leighton coming into the room, a little visitor badge pinned to her hoodie. You nod, looking up at her with a smile. Your eyes start to water, something about seeing her just hitting you with the overwhelming urge to cry because you were so fucking happy she came back.

You open your arms for her and she sets her purse down to rush to your side and give you a hug. You wrap your arms around her and hold her tightly, pressing your lips wherever you could.

A knock at the door caused her to pull away. She took the extra seat on the other side of your bed as the doctor came in and greeted you, washing his hands.

He did an overall exam on you. Checked your mouth, your eyes, listening to your heart and lungs. He pulled his stool up to your bed and rested a folder of paperwork by your feet.

"So, we got your blood results back. It's routine to drug test in these situations. The school will not be informed of the results." He reassured you like the nurse did previously. "Now," he opens the packet of papers to a specific page where numbers are highlighted. "You have a decent amount in your system. I'm sure that's something you're aware of." You nod and he continues. "We do not think you overdosed on the pills themselves. Not to say that means you should go out and keep slamming them back."

The three of you made a face at him, unsure if his comment was meant to lighten the mood or if he was just a dick.

"So what's the problem then?" Whitney speaks up and he clears his throat.

"Well, you have a dangerous amount of fentanyl in your system. Whatever you took was most likely laced. Had you taken the four pills you said you normally took, you would probably be dead. Here are some packets about fentanyl as well as some inpatient and outpatient treatments for opioid addiction, and some information about methadone." He sets about five pamphlets in the open space between your legs and stands up, pushing his chair back in. "The nurse is going to come in with your discharge paperwork. Schedule an appointment with your PCP. Have a good day ladies." He sanitizes his hands and leaves the room, leaving the three of you looking confused and dumbfounded.

"That was it?" Leighton asks after he leaves, clearly frustrated. She reaches forward and grabs the pamphlets off your legs and thumbs through them furiously. "You almost fucking die apparently and that's it? You go the fuck home? What the fuck."

"Leighton, please stop." You say calmly, but she was pacing the room now while she read.

"This methadone seems good. I can call my dad and get you into a good rehab. Inpatient or out." She says while reading through the pamphlets and you start feeling overwhelmed.

Of course you wanted to be better and to stop taking the pills.

But the thought of actually doing it scared the shit out of you.

"Can I please just go home first and figure this out later?" You ask, scratching your eyebrow.

"Yes," Whitney says and looks up and Leighton sternly. "Yes, you can." She says, answering for Leighton.

"I have one request." Leighton says, shoving the pamphlets into her purse before sitting at the edge of your bed. "Please stay with us for a bit. A few days, a week. However long. Just please do it, okay?"

You nodded your head. You knew you scared her, no, fucking traumatized her. She was looking at you right now like she wanted to cry. Like if you told her no she would probably burst into tears.

You couldn't tell her no. You couldn't do this to her again. You definitely couldn't do anything to risk losing her.

"Yes, I'll stay with you. Can I stop at my room at get some clothes?"

"Absolutely. Can I go in with you when you do?"

You hesitated. You thought about the state of your side of the room. You definitely weren't as clean as you used to be. You most definitely had been slacking on doing your laundry and the thought of her going in there and seeing your gross, crusty underwear made you want to flip.

You still agreed though and she kissed your cheek. She went to kiss your lips and you turned your head.

"My mouth feels disgusting. More kissing later?"

"Deal." She nods, sneaking a quick peck onto your lips anyway.

There was a knock on the door and a nurse stepped in holding some paperwork.

"Alrighty, Y/N. Let's get you outta here, hun."

---

You rushed into your dorm, quickly picking up dirty clothes from the floor and tossing them in your hamper, picking up trash and shoving it aside.

"Sorry, I'm sorry." You apologize profusely for the state of your room.

"No, don't. It's okay." Leighton says, taking in the space.

She hadn't been allowed into your room for a while. Usually when she would come over it would be spotless and smell like air fresher. It was a complete 180 from what she was used to.

You could almost see her absorbing in the gravity of your addiction. As if almost OD'ing on laced pills, blowing off her dates, and having frequent mood swings weren't enough. She was getting a first hand view of how little you had been taking care of yourself because of it.

Something about that felt more shameful than anything. You felt vulnerable and exposed. You had been caught putting on a show and now all the curtains were being pulled back to expose the complex layers of your addiction. Exposing problems that you didn't even realize were becoming problems until someone you love is watching you scramble to clean it up.

"I just need to get some clean clothes." You say, opening your drawers and finding them to be pretty bare. "Fuck." You whisper to yourself.

"Why don't you bring some dirty clothes with you and we can do laundry at my dorm. Okay, baby?"

"Um, y-yeah." You blink hard, slamming your drawer shut. You open another and are thankful to find a handful of clean underwear. You pull them out and shove them into the bag Leighton had set on your bed. "Can you get me some shirts from my closet? I'll gather my dirty clothes."

"Of course." She turns around to look through your closet.

You grabbed a garbage bag and began picking clothes off the floor, plucking clothes from your hamper and other various surfaces around the room, shoving them into the trash bag. When a bunch of change falls out of one of your pockets you sigh, going back into the bag and digging through the pockets of any pants and shorts you shoved in there to make sure those were empty before you continued.

You picked up a pair of sweatpants, digging your hand into the pocket and freezing when you felt something sharp-ish poke your fingertips.

It was almost like you could hear angels singing when you pull the item from your pocket. A small baggie with three little blue pills in it. Three pills that you most definitely recognized and knew they would be safe. You traced your thumb over them, licking your lips.

"Do you want this sweater, babe?" Leighton asks from the closet behind you and you briefly turn around to face her.

"Yes, that's perfect, baby." You tell her. You weren't even looking at the sweater.

You had look at her face. Feeling guilty about everything that went down. Feeling guilty about all the time and energy she was probably going to put in to taking care of you.

You knew the best thing to do right now would be to hand the pills over. It would be the responsible thing.

You wanted to be responsible.

You grip the small baggie in your hand tightly and scratch under your nose with the back of your hand, thinking of the way you were going to hand the baggie over.

You open your palm again to stare at the pills, your hand shaking. You look around the room one more time, turning to smile at Leighton while she had a few shirts and sweaters draped over her arm for you.

You wanted to be responsible, just maybe not today.

You clear your throat, shoving the pills into the deepest corner of your front pocket.

#leighton murray x reader #leighton murray x you #my fic

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abstractnaturaldisaster · 7 months ago

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is it over now? (was it over then?)

part six

part seven: i slept all alone

Steve had been getting into the rhythm of a new set and being without Robin for the first couple of weeks of production. He wasn't as deer in the headlights as he had expected but he did feel somewhat distant from the rest of the cast who all had connections dating back years. Steve took his time getting to know everyone and by the end of the second week he felt less like a pity invite to going out in the small Italian town and more like one of the group. He still respectfully declined the invite so he wouldn't miss out on his approximately one hour of social media time he allowed himself to keep to the general spirit of the director's rules.

Steve didn't mind being generally unplugged but he did really like to keep up with what his kids were doing and he felt like he was at least a little obligated to see how Robin and Nancy were getting on without him present for cover. The kids kept their whatsapp group chat to a relatively manageable level during the week leaving a few tidbits here and there for Steve to catch up on and after Steve felt mostly caught up he'd provide a short little update of what his week was like. Usually no one got back to him super quickly as it was mid-day in the states and most of the kids were at work or busy and Robin and Nancy were usually a bit tied up in each other if they didn't have any other obligations. Steve didn't mind though because next week like clockwork he'd have several follow up questions and encouraging notes about his update before the group chat chatter turned to whatever else had happened.

Once Steve had caught up with whatsapp he started scrolling through instagram and noticed he had a few tagged posts. Some were just the usual gossip sites taking random paparazzi photos to add to a weekly roundup of where famous people were summering or similar nonsense but he saw a photo of Robin and Nancy he most certainly was not expecting to see come up on his feed.

buckley guess the cat's out of the bag. srry i'm not cool and romantic like my new partner (!!!) but it's pretty great not to have anxiety attacks that i didn't actually turn on close-friends or worry that some waiter read into nance and i's behavior too much. thnx steve-o for keeping this under wraps for way longer than you had to and for being the best scene partner / rumored lover a girl could ask for. hurry back from italy so you can third wheel us in public, dingus.

Steve double checked the time in the US and called up Robin. She had some explaining to do.

part eight

***super short update because i am sick but i wanted to keep the story moving! just wanted to show a quick glimpse of Steve seeing Robin's post. depending on how the story is going the next part might be Steve and Robin's phone call or back to Eddie trying to get his shit together***

@lololol-1234 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @zombiethingy @grtwdsmwhr @dreamercec @anne-bennett-cosplayer @strawberryyyenthusiast @mensch-anthropos-human @kal-ology @ttyrussss @kristmkris @starman-jpg @wonderland-girl143-blog @child-of-cthulhu @legalmenace87 @adealwithher @practicallybegging @lunaraquaenby @stripey82 @lexyvey @goodolefashionedloverboi @mothmamhasyourlocation @mugloversonly @sherrylyn0628 @steddieinthesun @wonderland-girl143-blog

(if you wanna be tagged in future parts feel free to comment! happy to add people)

#steve x eddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie fic #steddie #don't worry robin will fix it #angst #angst with a happy ending #rockstar eddie #actor steve #was it over then ficlet

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canarysage · 4 months ago

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…make a psd look interesting?

aka, how to fuck up a psd no glue no borax. have you ever looked at your psd and gone, damn, this shit doesn’t fuck? happens to the best of us. here are easy ways to spice up your psds so you don’t end up with the editor equivalent of communion bread

for example purposes, i made a simplistic psd to test these methods on. they should work with most psds, but, as always, fuck around and find out on your own for best results <3

i. threshold + gradient map

this one is an easy way to add specific colors to your psds. step one: add a threshold layer, and adjust it your liking. typically, i set mine to somewhere between 60-40. if you’re making a psd to work on dark skintones, you may want to set it even lower, but if you’re working with, say, pjsk characters, you can go pretty high

wow flashbang. you can see on my example behind that it doesn’t work super well on irl pictures, and my pjsk images don’t have threshold at all lol. next thing you want to do is set the blending mode of your threshold layer to either multiply or darken—they’re basically the same thing

(psst, if you want to know more about blending modes, check out this post!)

waow crunchy! but still boring right? still boring. not to worry, here’s the fun part: add a gradient map layer, tap it, and go to the slidey icon on the side, which’ll bring up a page like this:

click the gradient in the middle there to edit it. once in, edit the black color to be at about 80-90%, and then change the white color to whatever you like. edit out, and tap the little square next to the text that says “reverse” which should make your gradient look more or less like this:

then change the blending mode on your gradient map to ‘screen’ which’ll axe all the black and just leave your color. now your image looks like this:

boy howdy, isn’t that fucked up! it is more interesting, but if you don’t want to be looking at that abomination, change your color in your gradient map to be darker, which’ll give you something more along the lines of:

…which is much more reasonable. this is a fun way to add color to your shadows slash lineart, and can be a quick and easy way to make a psd look less flat.

ii. noise gradient map

some of you may be thinking, but, canarysage, what the fuck is a noise gradient map? to which i reply: you’re boring. let me show you.

kinda fucked up, right? well, that’s the goal. unfortunately, there isn’t a way to directly edit a gradient map, but you can just click that little button that says ‘randomize’ a couple times until you get something you like! you can also mess with the percentages but i don’t do that because it looks weird

boy howdy, that’s weird looking. not to worry, though. once again, our best friend blending mode is going to come in handy

i typically go to soft light and set the opacity to about 20-30%, but, as with anything, feel free to mess around and do whatever you want. luminosity is also a fun setting for noise gradient maps, just make sure to crank the opacity way down for the sake of my eyes

wow, much better! you can see that the gradient map added a bit of purple coloring and a funky little texture. super cool! thank you, gradient map!

iii. channel mixer

i already have a post on channel mixer and i’m not rewriting all that so if you don’t know how channel mixer works check that shit out but the tl;dr is: ideally, all your channels should add up to 100 (including negative numbers) but that rule can be broken if it looks cool enough. capiche?

iv. color lookup

photopea has a few default color lookups that are pretty easy to use, but i have a couple of presets that i like to add if i’m feeling stuck. to make your own color lookup, open up a psd, and go to file > export color lookup

then save it and open it from your files. when you open a color lookup layer, you’ll see an arrow next to the text saying LUTs—click that and your new color lookup should be there

once you tap that, you’ll get a compressed version of your psd added to your folder. it’ll look something like this:

holy orange and blue, batman. luckily, you can apply blending modes to color lookups just like any other layer—mess around with them until it looks how you want!

waow much more reasonable! i set this one on color and about 55% opacity, but that is really dependent on what your color lookup looks like and how you want your psd to look. remember, there’s no right way to do things!

an additional note: if you want to, you can save the psd you’re working on as a color lookup instead. if it looks too simple or just isn’t turning out how you want, that’s a good way to incorporate it later :3 just follow the same steps as above!

v. no shame in starting over

if you’ve added and taken away, duplicated and removed, fucked around and found out, and your psd still isn’t how you want: it’s alright to just axe it. the edit police aren’t gonna kill you for it, i promise. if you’re worried about wanting it later, just save it as a psd and come back when your brain is refreshed ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

psd-making isn’t an exact art, so, obviously, there’s no real simple solution to making it look how you want. you just have to mess with it and see what you’ve got. these are just my methods of making my psds less blagh, but, obviously, my editing is moderately more deranged than your average editor.

…so that’s how you do it.

#canarysage‚ how do you…?#ʚɞ — tips.

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sebscore · 2 years ago

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Hey I saw your reply about the leclerc fics, could I request an imagine of say 16yr old sister reader getting her wisdom teeth out, and charles picking her up, getting her to stay in the car, etc? Sounds so random but I feel like it would be the funniest and cutest thing. If you could add an instagram story au of a photo that charles had taken of the loopy reader that would be amazing haha, thanks!

THANKS FOR NOT KILLING ME | CHARLES LECLERC

pairings: charles leclerc x sister!reader / arthur leclerc x sister!reader / lorenzo leclerc x sister!reader

warnings: mention of surgery. dentist. anesthesia. food. mood swings.

author's note: thank you for the request, I had fun writing this one! sorry if the ending seems rushed, I just didn't know how to properly end it. hope you enjoy it and let me know what you thought of it!

• • • • • • •

''Can you pull over? I have to pee.'' Y/N asked Charles, who was focused on the road.

Her older brother glanced at her through his rearview mirror, already done with the entire drive. ''No, you're gonna have to wait.''

Their mother had asked the second oldest Leclerc sibling to accompany her and his younger sister to the dentist, to get the youngest's wisdom teeth removed. Pascale already guessed that she was going to need some help with the teenage girl once her surgery was done.

He hadn't been too ecstatic, just wanting to hang out with his friends or play some video games. However, his mother had been very adamant on him joining and he found it hard to say no to her. Meanwhile, Arthur had volunteered to tag along, not wanting to miss his sister's reaction to the anesthesia as he had seen countless funny wisdom teeth removal videos online. The eldest brother, Lorenzo, had other businesses to attend to, but promised he would help take care of the girl once he was home.

''Honey, I told you to go slow on the pineapple juice.'' Her mother kindly scolded her, recalling her daughter's determination to only consume the drink as she had heard from friends that it would lessen the pain.

Y/N sighed, uncomfortably shifting in her seat. ''I'm hungry and thirsty, Maman!'' She complained, not having eaten anything in the last 8 hours.

''We'll get something afterwards, chérie,'' her mother assured her, ''how about ice-cream?'' Pascale turned around, looking at her daughter. ''Sounds good, thanks.''

''We're here.'' Charles pulled up to the parking and safely parked their car in the right spot.

Arthur snickered. ''Ooh~ I can't wait for you to get back.'' He teased her, rubbing his hands together.

''Shut up, you idiot!'' Y/N slapped his arm, resulting in a loud yelp from her older brother.

''Auw! You little shit!'' Arthur tried to hit her back, but his arm was pushed away by his mother. ''Stop it!''

''Maman!'' Arthur exclaimed, appalled. ''She started it!''

''You provoked her, Arthur.'' Pascale opened the car door and got out, adjusting her clothing.

Charles turned in his seat, looking at his sister. ''Y/N, good luck and we'll see you in an hour.'' Since the youngest sibling was still a minor, a guardian had to be present during the extent of her surgery, and with covid regulations still intact, the brothers couldn't wait for their sister inside the building. So, Charles and Arthur would fill up their free time until their mother had notified them when the surgery was done.

''It's not scary, right?'' She asked them, not making eye-contact with her brothers.

The two men glanced at each other, amused by the sudden behavior change. ''It's gonna be okay, you're not gonna feel a thing when they're removing the teeth.'' Charles comforted her.

Arthur opted to tease her, but seeing her obvious anxious expression, he didn't and followed his brother. ''Yeah, you have nothing to be scared about.''

Pascale had made her way around the car and opened her daughter's side of the door. ''Come on, we don't want to be late.'' Y/N nervously smiled at her two brothers, before getting out of the car.

''It's gonna be okay, you're brave!''

''Don't worry about it, munchkin.''

Their words of encouragement send a smile to their mother's face, touched by how her sons comforted their baby sister. Pascale put her arm around her daughter's shoulders and guided her into the dentist's office.

Her brothers watched them going in. ''She's gonna be fine, right?'' Arthur asked Charles, not entirely sure.

''Of course, you know how she doesn't like to embarrass herself in public.''

''I'm dying!'' Y/N cried out to her mother, once she had regained consciousness.

Pascale shook her head, already knowing it was going to be a difficult task. ''You're not, my love.'' She took out her phone and sent a quick text to Charles, informing him she had woken up and that she would need their help to get her into the car.

''Maman! I can't see anything, I've gone blind!'' Upon hearing her daughter's words, she looked at her. ''Chérie, that's because your eyes are closed.'' Pascale, along with the dentist and his assistant, had a hard time not to burst out laughing at the sight of the young girl.

''Oh.''

With some help from the assistant, Pascale got her daughter out of the chair. They each held one of Y/N's arms over their shoulders until they made it to the front entrance of the building, where Charles and Arthur were waiting for them. As soon as the two Leclerc's noticed their mom and sister, they took over.

''See? We told you that you would be fine.'' Charles immediately reassured her, his sister mindlessly staring at nothing.

Y/N whined in return. ''I'm not fine, I'm dying!'' She loudly exclaimed, her mother trying to shush her straight away.

''And I'm dying to get out of here, let's go!'' Arthur commented and made a move to start walking back to the car.

Pascale thanked the assistant for the successful surgery, just loud enough for Y/N to hear.

''Thank you for not killing me, Doc!'' She yelled out, causing some heads to turn at the noise.

''That's my job, thank you, Y/N.'' The assistant took it all in good fun and smiled at the young girl, her whole day made because of the interaction.

Eventually, the brothers got her in the car. Arthur put her seatbelt on, but stopped midway once he saw her looking wide-eyed at him. ''What is it?''

''Since when did you get here?'' She asked him, confusion written all over her face.

He simply chuckled and made sure her seatbelt was put on safely. ''Me and Charles were waiting for you to be done.''

''Charles is here?'' Y/N reacted astounded, gasping when Arthur pointed at the man in the driver's seat. The Ferrari driver had a huge smile on his face, endeared by his little sister. ''I'm here, Y/N.''

The teenager mirrored his smile until she noticed something. ''Wait, he's driving the car?'' She looked at her mom, who nodded.

''No~ he can't drive!'' Y/N whined, trying to take her seatbelt off.

Arthur stopped her right away. ''No, no, no! You have to keep that on, it's for your safety.'' He held his sister's arms to prevent her from doing anything further.

''Why can't Charles drive, honey?''

''Because he's stupid.'' She made a reference to the infamous Baku qualifying when he planted himself into the barriers.

Their mom and Arthur cackled at the comment, while Charles just accepted it. He drove out of the parking lot and the family was on their way back home.

''Where's Enzo?'' Y/N asked them, noticing the eldest brother wasn't in the car.

''He's at work, he'll be at home soon.'' Pascale answered, staying as positive as she possibly could.

Arthur pulled his phone out, grinning ear to ear. ''You wanna FaceTime him?'' He searched for his brother's contact and handed the phone to her. Y/N took the phone and pressed the FaceTime button, excited to speak with her brother.

However, he didn't answer and his little sister didn't like it one bit. ''Huh?'' She stared at her own reflection on the phone screen, a puzzled look on her face. ''Why isn't he answering?'' Her voice wavered, an indication she was going to cry.

''No, chérie, he's probably just busy.'' Pascale immediately tried to comfort her, not wanting to deal with that at that moment, but her daughter wouldn't hear it. ''He hates me, he doesn't want to talk to me.'' She continued whining, wiping non-existent tears away.

''Y/N, he doesn't hate you, he loves you! More than anyone else.'' Charles helped his mom, being reminded of when his sister was a toddler and she would whine the exact same way.

She fell more quiet at his words. ''Charles, do you love me?'' The whining had died down and the question came out more genuine.

''Of course I do! You're my baby sister, you're my favorite person!'' Charles wasn't lying when calling her his favorite person. The two had a very close bond and she always brightened his gray days. If she wasn't busy with school, she was always there for him during the Grand Prix's. Maybe he had to tell her more that he appreciated her always being there for him, he didn't say it enough.

She smiled at his answer, but wasn't satisfied yet. ''Do you love me more than Arthur?''

Charles simply laughed at the question while Arthur expectantly looked at his older brother, also curious about the answer.

"What's that kind of a question? I love you both equally." He put an emphasis on the last word, glimpsing at both of them through the rearview mirror.

Arthur's attention went back to the phone, but the youngest still wasn't content. "Why? I'm so much better than Arthur and I'm also prettier than him." Y/N summed up the reasons why Charles should love her more, almost in a childish manner.

"You're lucky you just got out of surgery, Y/N" The youngest Leclerc brother semi-threatened the girl.

"You know, I would stick my tongue out at you, but I can't feel anything." She shot back at him, gathering some laughs from Charles and their mother.

It didn't take long for them to arrive back home. However, it did take a long time for them to get Y/N in the house. Arthur joked about the ground being lava and she refused to get out of the car.

''I'm gonna go to the grocery store and get Y/N her ice cream. Charles, you're in charge of your sister!'' Pascale didn't waste anymore words and was out of the door before her second oldest child could even respond.

Charles sighed loudly, but still made his way to the living room and sat next to his sister, who didn't seem to have a thought behind her eyes. ''You kinda look like Carlos right now, Y/N.'' He laughed, her stare reminding him of his teammate.

''I look hot?'' She asked him, her voice a little higher than usual.

He made a disgusted face, that wasn't what he meant. ''No, you just-''

''So you think I'm ugly? My face feels all swollen.'' Her emotions were all over the place. A few seconds before she was all excited about being compared to Carlos and now she looked like she could burst out in tears.

Charles slightly panicked. ''No, no! You're pretty, Y/N! You're beautiful!'' He put his arms around her, feeling bad for making her cry.

She slowly blinked her eyes at him. ''Really? Oh, Charlie! That's so nice! You're pretty too!'' The tears in her eyes were gone and a bright smile had returned to her face.

Her older brother giggled, entertained by his sister's actions. He flinched when the front door suddenly closed very loudly. He glanced behind him to see Lorenzo entering the living room.

''Hey, how did it go?'' He asked them, appearing in front of them.

Charles answered for her. ''Good, no complications at all.''

''Unlike Ferrari…'' Y/N mumbled, a smirk present.

Lorenzo chuckled at her words. ''Ah, see! The anesthesia didn't do anything to her, she's still the same.'' He sat down on Y/N's other side, so she was sat in-between them.

''Enzo! Oh my god! How did you get here?'' His sister looked at him wide-eyed, like she hadn't just seen him walk into the house.

He confusingly glanced at Charles, who continued to be amused by his sister. ''I took my car and I drove home from work.'' He answered, matter-of-factly.

''I missed you, but you didn't pick up when I called.'' She told him, Lorenzo's confusion grew even more by the sudden mood swing.

''You didn't call me.''

''She called from Arthur's phone.'' Charles clarified for him.

''Ah~ I thought it was Arthur, so I didn't pick up, but if I had known it was you, I would have definitely answered, Y/N.'' Lorenzo figured he had to be as optimistic as he could be, that way he couldn't upset his sister in any way.

Y/N blushed at his words. ''That's so sweet! I knew you liked me more than Arthur.''

The youngest Leclerc brother must have sensed he was being talked about as footsteps could be heard coming down from the stairs. The door opened and he gave the three of them a suspicious look. ''I heard my name.''

''You must have a very good hearing.'' Lorenzo teased.

''Whatever,'' Arthur brushed it off, ''I'm going, can you tell mom when she gets back?'' He didn't look at his siblings, focused on getting his shoes and jacket on.

''Where are you going?''

''Friends.''

Charles and Lorenzo were satisfied with the answer, not particularly interested in who these friends were. However, their sister was a curious cat. ''Are you gonna see Mick?''

Arthur looked at her for the first time since he came downstairs, frowning. ''Mick? Who? Mick Schumacher?'' He asked her, to which Y/N nodded with an innocent smile on her face.

''No, why? Do you like him?'' The three brothers focused on their sister and how her face became more red. ''I think someone has a crush.''

''Mick's too old for you, Y/N.'' Arthur concluded, grabbing his car keys. He bid them goodbye and was off to meet his friends.

Y/N watched him leave, an offended expression on her face. ''He's not too old for me.''

''He's like 7 years older than you, that's too much. There are plenty people of your age who would love to date you.'' Charles said, not even wanting to think about his sister dating any of the other drivers on the grid.

Lorenzo agreed with his younger brother. ''Yes, by the way, you are way too young to have a boyfriend,'' he told her more sternly, ''or girlfriend.'' He doesn't discriminate.

''And if you're gonna date someone, don't date people who do motorsport.'' Charles added.

''So, no Mick?''

Both brothers shook their heads at her question, amused by her disappointment.

''How about Sebastian? He's retiring.''

"..."

''I'm not even gonna answer that one, I don't want that image in my head.''

''What's it with you and older guys?''

charles_leclerc added to his story !

#f1 fics #charles leclerc x oc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x sister!reader #f1 fic

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anonymouslydisabled · 2 years ago

Text

Some small chronic illness/disability tips!

Here's a list of random minor advice that I've accumulated in my short experience of being a psychically disabled person who gets dizzy and pained standing for too long. (slight emeto tw)

Evaluate how much of your life and daily routine is spent standing, it's a lot when you actually think about it! Try to focus on small ways you can sit more day-to-day. Just simple things like brushing your teeth while sitting or getting dressed seated can make a really big difference!

Keep your disability aids by your bed oh my god it took me so long to get this one down because of a need for organization but having a little organized pile of things that help your disability that you can reach from your bed is the most helpful thing ever.

This one is kind of similar to #2 but specifically food and water. Keeping a large water bottle (equivalent to 2+ cups of water) next to your bed, as well as some food (crackers work great for lack of appetite and nausea) can really help on days when I can't or shouldn't get out of bed too much.

If you don't already have one, consider a mobility aid, actually life changing, and there are a lot of different types than you might know!

Don't let hustle culture make you feel like shit when you can't work out or go on a daily walk or generally just be "productive" enough. Sounds easier than it is but please try to remind yourself that your productivity does not equate to your worth and you on your worst days is just as good and worthy of a person as you on your best days.

This tip isn't for everyone but I have a health diary where I log symptoms and episodes, mainly seizures. I don't do it very thoroughly but it still helps give me a sense of security and also has helped me navigate life with daily seizures so much!

Talking to your disabled friends, making a disability-based social media account, or even just watching disabled people talk about being disabled on social media has helped me tremendously to feel less alone.

Try to prioritize how something is going to affect your body and symptoms over how it's gonna make an able-bodied person or group of people feel. If going to an event is going to cause you to flare-up, your friends thinking you're a "buzzkill" isn't as important as your health. If using a mobility aid is going to get you weird looks in public, it still helped you that day! I know this once again sounds easier than it is, but try to remind yourself that your health matters most!

This is everything I have right now, I might add more later, and if you have anything you'd like to add please feel free to comment or reblog!

#psychical disablity #mobility aids #chronic illness #disability #spoonie #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #cane user #disabled teenager

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mirage-aera · 1 year ago

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Hi, I’m new here! I’m not sure if requests are open or if you’re currently writing for ghost, but could we have a scenario where there is a new female ghoul and they’re trying to figure out where they fit in the hierarchy. She’s bratty and challenges sodo, but he’s having none of it and it gets a bit smutty/suggestive and has her submitting. Thank you and my apologies if you don’t write anything like this!

Hello there! They are open, so thank you for the request. I am also terribly sorry for the very long wait. I have been having trouble with my writing motivation but it's back!

•°. *࿐ Rocky start

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Take Me Back To Eden - Sleep Token

Sodo x fem!reader

The new ghoulette challenges Sodo, he’s not amused in the slightest.

Word count: 1.590

Ghost masterlist

It’s been a while since you’ve been summoned to the top. You were summoned to replace Aether for the upcoming tour while he stays back to help around the clergy. Copia and the other ghouls and ghoulettes have noticed that you are having a harder time adjusting to the surface than previous ghouls. For a quintessence ghoulette, you’re a bit more snappy than usual. As days go by, some ghoul’s patience is running thin. That certain ghoul is Sodo. There isn’t a time of day when you two aren’t arguing. To their confusion, you are a lot more agitated around Sodo than the others. Yes, you have your moments with the others but it’s never as bad as it is when you’re around the fire ghoul. Sodo has noticed it too and isn’t too thrilled, to say the least.

You’re in the practice room with the rest of the band, rehearsing for the upcoming shows. Currently, you are on a short break so everyone is conversing or playing something random. Sodo is trying to fix his solo since he kept messing it up previously during the rehearsal. You, wanting to annoy him a little bit, decide to play the solo as well but add your little twist. As he's nearing the solo you start getting ready and crank your amp up. You both start playing, at first he doesn't notice but as he messes up again, he growls and throws his pick across the room. You, however, continue playing. You finish his solo perfectly. You place your guitar down and give him a sly smirk, "wanna try again, Sodo?" Some snickers could be heard throughout the room. He snarls and flips you off, "yeah yeah, whatever." Just as you open your mouth to say something Copia pipes up, "Alright, ghouls and ghoulettes. From the top!"

***

As the rehearsal goes on. Everyone within the room can tell how fired up Sodo is. At least, more than usual. He plays with a lot more passion, aggression, and spirit. At some point during the rehearsal, you were going to match or top his attitude to get a rise out of him, but the look that Copia gives you says enough. It’s like he’s saying, ‘Don’t aggravate him further.’ And for once, you pull back a little on your playing and continue as if there isn’t tension in the room. An early practice already sets off the fire ghoul and topping it with your attitude isn’t the ideal morning for the said ghoul.

You can see from the corner of your eye that he’s fiddling with his pedals. His guitar and pedals have been giving issues as of late, during practice and the rituals. “Fuck!! Stupid thing won’t work!” He shouts out with frustration. He fiddles with it once more before giving up and throwing his pick at it. “Maybe if you stop throwing shit at it, it would work.” You mumble out. He hears it and snaps his head to you, “what did you just say?” he asks in a low tone. “I said, maybe if you stop throwing shit and kicking at it, it would work.” He glares at you, “maybe if you mind your own business I can get it to work.” He retaliates. Copia sighs, “(Y/n), take over his parts until he fixes it. We don't have time for this.” You nod and smile triumphantly at Sodo. “Oh! Of course, she gets my parts! What a fucking joke.” Copia gives him a pointed look, “Sodo if you need a minute to cool off, feel free to do it outside of this room.” He takes of the strap of his guitar and holds the guitar by its neck and storms off, “fine!! You don't need me anyway! Do this stupid rehearsal without me!” and with that he slams the door behind him closed. Looks are exchanged with each other throughout the room.

“Should one of us talk to him?”

“He won't set the clergy on fire, right?”

“Maybe one of us should go after him, to calm him down.”

“I can go.” You propose to the group. Swiss chuckles, “no offense, he hates you the most. You'll just set him off more.” Copa sighs and pinches his nose bridge, “no one needs to go after him. He’ll calm down on his own. And no, he won't set the clergy on fire. He has enough self-control. Okay from the top now, 5, 6, 7, 8.” You all look at each other and shrug. Deciding to trust his judgment you continue playing, without Sodo.

***

You can't help but dwell on Swiss’ words the whole morning. ‘He hates you the most.’ It hurts to think about it. ‘Does he actually hate you?’ you ask yourself. You hope not, you actually like him a bit, even if it doesn't look like it. You walk mindlessly through the halls of the clergy, some halls you haven’t even seen before. Eventually, you reach the gardens. You decide to spend a couple of hours there. You look around the scenery. It is well kept by the earth ghouls. You spot Mountain among them, you smile and give him a subtle wave. He notices and smiles and waves back. You see a tree near the pond where the water ghouls like to spend their time, especially during the warm summer heat. You take a seat at the base of the tree and watch the handful of water ghouls swim around, splash around, and relaxing. You look around some more and you see the air ghouls playing around with the kits. And the fire ghouls... well they are being typical fire ghouls. Messing around with the other ghouls and goofing off. Even the few multie ghouls that the clergy has are scattered about. They’re spending time with the other elements. But you see no quintessence ghouls. What are their roles? What is your role in the clergy? Eventually, the sun sets and the ghouls are heading back inside. You, however, decide to take in the serenity of the garden while you can.

You spend how many minutes before Aether walks up to you. You look up at him and give him a questioning look. “I thought I'd find you here. Come inside, before they start eating your dinner.” You nod and take his hand that he outstretched for you. He pulls you up and leads you inside.

“Aether?” he hums in acknowledgment. “What do we quintessence ghouls do? All the other elements are outside doing different stuff.” He chuckles, “is this why you are bothering Sodo so much? He's your mate, isn't he?” You slap him on the arm, to which he laughs at. You're only proving his point. “Well, we help out the papa’s if they need it. We also occasionally help out Sister Imperator and the other sisters and brothers. A simple job really, not much to it if I do say so myself.” You thank him, and before you know it you're at the dinner table. You sit across from Sodo, who's picking at his food. All the other ghouls and ghoulettes at the table have already finished if not, almost finished with their food. Sodo usually finishes by now. You put your knife and fork down, “Sodo?” He raises a brow, acknowledging you but not saying a word. “I’m sorry about earlier during rehearsals, and for the earlier weeks. I have been giving you a hard time for no reason.” Sodo grunts before standing up and stalking over towards you. He wraps his hand around your arm and pulls you up from your chair. Aether looks at you to ask if you need him to intervene. You shake your head, wanting to see what Sodo wants. He drags you out of the mess hall. He walks over to his room and nearly throws you inside. He pins you to the wall and gets close to you, so close that you can feel him heavily breathing. “You know we are mates, correct?” He asks you. You nod timidly, clearly having lost your tongue. “Then why have you been giving me a hard time the whole fucking time since you have arrived here?! You have been nothing but rude to me, insulting me, trying to put me down. I can't even hate you for it, because I love you too much.” You raise a brow, “you love me? Even after all of that?” He nods, “when you have a mate, you just want to be close with them, love them. But you make it so fucking difficult. Why have you been doing this?”

You sigh, “I don't know.” He looks at you incredulously, “you don't know?” He repeats. You hesitate before continuing, “I loved you, I still do. I just didn't know where I belonged. I was confused, angry, and upset for being suddenly summoned, expected to know everything and take over Aether’s position so soon. And I took it out on you, I realize it was wrong of me to do so. I'm sorry Sodo.” He loosens his hold on you, “you could've just said so. We would've helped you. I would've helped you. All you needed to do was ask.” You hang your head low, ashamed of your actions. He lifts your chin up with his finger, “but I forgive you. We are mates after all. We can't be separated.”

You give him a look, “does this mean?…” you trail off. He chuckles, “I'm yours, and you are mine. At last.” You smile brightly, “I like the sound of that. You're mine, and I'm yours.”

#ghost #ghost band #ghost band x reader #the band ghost #the band ghost x reader #nameless ghouls #nameless ghouls x reader #nameless ghoul #nameless ghoul x reader #sodo #sodo x reader #dew x reader #dew #dewdrop #dewdrop x reader #request

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bao3bei4 · 1 year ago

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why zines? how zines?

i was on a panel at fanworks con 2023 about zines today. it was a lot of fun! i decided to turn my portion of the talk into a post for my friends who couldn’t make it to the panel.

this post includes my thoughts on:

why make a zine

how to generate ideas for zines

how to finish your zines

how to build an audience for your zines

so why zines? what are they? [ZEENS, rhymes with beans], pronounced that way because it’s a shortened form of the word magazine, are basically just that: self published magazines. but why make a zine over, say, a blog post? or any other piece of art.

i have basically three reasons. the first is that making little books is cool. it’s genuinely awesome to make physical zines and have the product of your labor in your hand. it’s a great feeling to finish a project and feel a concrete reward, and a lot of times we don’t get that in our lives.

the second reason is that zines give you absolute editorial control. you can put anything you want on a page. whatever layout, whatever order, whatever fold, whatever content. you name it, you can do it. this is something other venues rarely give you. for artists, it’s phenomenal. and for the rest of us, it gives us the ability to become artists for a little bit, as we lay things out.

the third reason is that zines can be absolute shit. in fact, the more shit they are, the more diy and punk they are. they have an incredible lineage of stolen copy paper and anarchist politics. all that to say, is that there are no standards. the zine ethos is say what you wanna say. it’s tremendously freeing to go fuck polish and respectability, i’m making my project.

because of these three reasons, i want to encourage you to get started making zines by describing common challenges and worries and giving you several practical tips for each on working past them. so, in order, they’re “i don’t know what to make a zine about,” “i struggle to finish projects,” and “no one will read my zines.” let’s get into it.

first up, “i don’t know what to make a zine about.” i think this one is pretty common, even for experienced zine creators. sometimes you’re in the mood to make things but you have no clue what. a lot of people suggest to just go with random words or whatever pops into your head, but i’m picky! i find that unsatisfying! so here are some tips for people in the same boat.

ONE: what’s distracting you? work with it. because anything can be a zine, let the things you’ve already done serve as inspiration. photos you’ve taken can be formatted into a zine. is there a game sucking up your attention? make a zine about it. the song stuck in your head can turn into a lyricbook, forgotten works in progress or sketches can be resurrected, cannibalized, or even published as incomplete zines. if you’ve been busy with real life, maybe the recipes you’ve been making—even if, especially if, they’re struggle meals, can turn into zines. interview your most interesting friend. summarize a book you read recently. even if you’ve just been doomscrolling, that’s a zine too! i got a zine last weekend called bay area newsreel which was collecting recent articles about local news from leftist perspectives gathered up into a handy volume. your attention is a gift, so look at what zine fodder it’s accumulated for you naturally.

SECOND: add a twist. sometimes i have an idea but it isn’t quite right. it just seems too straightforward. so i try to develop along a single axis of content or form. what this means is basically go against your instincts, or rather, your first impulse. that first idea is very hard to walk away from, but doing so often gives you an idea that gets you unstuck. so for content, add a different perspective. for me this is often a theoretical approach. when i was stuck on my scum villain zine, turning it into freud zine let the words start flowing. next, on form: present it differently than your first instinct is to. if my first thought is “essay,” i try to figure out how to chunk out the information into modules or how to add interactivity or what kind of illustrations to add. if my first thought is “this could be a fic or comic,” i try turning it into an essay. saying things a different way often gives you a new perspective on the content as well.

THIRD: copy! make your take on the same thing as someone else. it’s not stealing—well, ideally it isn’t. make your original take and give credit where credit is due and ask permission if necessary. but engage with the medium!!! making zines without reading zines is the same thing as trying to write a paper without citing sources, or a novel without reading your contemporaries. that is, you can do it, but it’s hard. zines are a genre into themselves so figure out how to situate yourself in their ongoing dialogue. an example of this from my own practice is that i own a zine about queer gods and mythological creatures from chinese history. reading it i was like. why don’t they talk about this. why don’t they talk about that. and that became the basis for my own zine, guaitai the strange and the queer which focused on queer chinese history and literature instead. different zine, same inspiration.

all of my ideas suppose you have SOMETHING going on. what if you truly have nothing. my advice? adapted from my “how to write an essay” blog post, is to read a book. read an article. read something. and then post about it. and then turn your posts into a zine. don’t start entirely from scratch — give yourself a scaffolding. so first. read something and tell someone about it. i wasn’t lying about calling myself a consummate poster. it’s a big part of my thought process.

second up, what if “i struggle to finish projects.” i’m no stranger to having a bunch of half finished half started projects lying around. but here are some zine-specific tips i have for addressing that.

FIRST! go smaller; go shittier. reduce the scope of your projects. make one pagers, lists. once when i was feeling stymied, i made a physical zine about movies i’d watched that month, just listing them with a couple bullet points on each film. i eventually turned it into a bigger digital zine where i listed movies i’d watched over the past several months with more thoughts on them, and nicely formatted. but that was something that came out of reducing my scope from “i need to write a manifesto on a movie i’ve watched recently�� to “well i can just tell people about it” to “i can say two things about it.” and something actually got finished.

SECOND. your friends are a great tool for accountability. something i like to do is zine jams with my friends. nothing fancy, it’s just we’ll sit down for an hour and go we’re going to make something in this hour. or, for a bigger scope, we might work separately but commit to making a zine that weekend. it’s nice to have community and it’s nice to feel a little bit of a friendly deadline. i recommend this even if you DON’T have problems finishing zines. it’s a good time.

THIRD. a lot of times if the words aren’t coming easily, it’s because i’m not trying to say the right thing. keep in mind that your zines don’t have to be “content.” this little paper zine i made about movies wasn’t made to share online; in fact, it’s not available online. i didn’t make it according to what other people would see or be interested in. you can and will burn out on making “marketable” content. corollary to this: sometimes what i have to say is something i DON’T want to share online. it might not be that it’s boring, it might be that it’s too personal. and i share a lot online, i write personal essays after all. but some projects i stall on because they’re really just for me, and i’m again, focused on making content. so this piece of advice is about rejecting the tyranny of the imaginary audience.

and the next challenge is about embracing that audience! what if no one reads your zines, something that’s entirely possible. well there’s plenty you can do about that.

FIRST. cultivate zine community. read other people’s zines! talk to them about their zines! this greatly increases the chance that they will do the same for you. don’t go in expecting reciprocity; do it for its own sake, but it’s a great place to start. try asking people at zine fests if they’d be willing to trade with you, for instance.

SECOND. write for yourself. it’s cheesy but it’s true. you really have to. if you’re not proud and happy with what you’re making on its own merits, what’s the point. now because this is a cop out tip, i’m not counting it as a tip on its own.

so SECOND PART TWO. make your zines more accessible. if they’re not free, make them free—yes, you deserve to be compensated for your work, but it’s up to you to decide if you want a bigger audience first. if your zines aren’t short, make them shorter. make them short enough that you can post their entirety on social media or something else easy for your audience to consume. it’s a big ask sometimes to get someone to download your pdf! if they’re physical, hand them out to people you meet. remove all the barriers to entry.

THIRD. related to this, change medium. if you’re not making physical zines, try printing them out. if you’re not making digital zines, try digitizing them. both of these offer access to new audiences and new people who might be more interested in one form than another.

i hope these thoughts encourage you to make a zine! if you do, please let me see it. i love reading zines.

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