#feel free to disagree with me but if i get any comments or asks bashing mentally ill people I will fucking riot

[togo--mimori]

I have a LOT of feelings about kaisers backstory. Mostly positive? My opinions on his character have only really gotten better tbh. Like, he's not a good person. But he is definitely a product of his environment.

I think he does care about Ness in his own twisted way. But he doesn't know how to recognize positive emotions. He doesn't know how to form lasting relationships without manipulation and insults.

Kaiser never got therapy, or even really a trustworthy adult (that we know of yet) to sit him down and try to break through the shell he formed after all those years. It's all he knows, it's all he has to work with. He has no frame of reference for friendship and love. New emotions and feelings are scary, they feel wrong sometimes. So he sticks to what he knows and does it the best he can.

The only thing that's changed is we know WHY Kaiser is how he is. I don't have it in me to hate him now that it's confirmed he's incredibly mentally ill due to his fucking awful and unstable formative years. He's a bad person, but he hasn't always been. But he's not beyond hope or help, like anyone is.

Not supporting anything he's done, just appreciating a well written character. Seeing bits of my broken past mirrored on a fucking rat tail anime man has been an experience.

[supercharmed-forever-mine]

Today I will be addressing SuperCorp and some of the issues that have been floating around about fandom. And I will be saying some stuff that both is for it and could be used against it even though I am ultimately a super big supercorp fan. Like it says in the tags you're free to express your opinion but they will not be changing mine but I am always open-minded to opinions that can actually be explained and eloquently expressed (receipt's needed) and aren't just basic. Also just so what is noted I have been a part of this fandom since the first episode I have literally shipped Kara with everyone from Lucy to Cat even James.But Lena has just stuck out the most for me but I'm Equal opportunity.

Number #1, Lena's character in no way shape or form has ever been xenophobic she has never once shown any hate towards aliens her problem with Kara in season 5 Wasn't because she was an alien it was because she was a "Super" like Kara could have been a flying purple fucking octopus from the planet of shzjxfdf and Lena wouldn't have gave two fucks but no she was a "Super"but let's dig deeper on that point if we really look at why she was mad it wasn't even the whole alien aspect it was because she wasn't told and no I don't think she's entitled to it but I do think it played into the fact of a trust issue she has with the fact that people would think she would be just like Lex if she had been told Sooner. Which is disproved in 5x13 (also personal note: I also think she wouldn't have reacted half as bad if Kara had just told her that night at game night or the next day when she wanted to probably still would have been pissed but not to the same extent). But okay with that being said I do disagree with the kryptonite entrapment torture scene and basically half the s*** she did in season 5 it was shown that she truly can tap into her Luthor side and be dark when wanted but fortunately she does always return to the light and in all fairness it has been shown several times that Kara has a dark side of her own that could rival the luthors.

Number #2, I do disagree with the abuse of actresses and actors just because of a ship and or character they play don't blame them it's just a job they have I think Melissa and Katie do a beautiful job of bringing Kara and Lena's characters to life couldn't imagine anybody else playing them.

Number #3, I also will say about the reason bombarding of comments on Nicole's social media at least I saw the video via tiktok in that video was fucking hilarious I love Nia, Dreamer,and Nicole in general she's funny and beautiful and is an advocate for everything good in life and well it is normal to even ask other actors if they have the scoop on anything it does not mean we need to be bombarding them in videos on something relating to their character or their love of something a simple comment or so maybe but what I saw NO.

Number #4, The William of it all well I think though his character seems like a nice gentleman he also seems to be bland as hell also I did not know he was a POC to be honest I thought he was a tan white man and we'll be doing further research on people in the future as I can learn from my ignorance also but unrelated I did not know that the woman who played Maggie was apparently just a tan white woman I thought she was of some sort of Hispanic descent but apparently not according to various things I've read on here tonight... But anyways back to William I feel like a lot of people might have perceived him as a white man therefore that might play into the whole scenario of people hate that they just want two white woman together when it proves if she was a man they wouldn't give two f**** about it whether that's true or not I don't know but mine two cents.

Number #5, I will never bash someone for being for or against a certain ship and or character and well I am allowed to certainly disagree with their opinion all opinions are valid because we all see the world a different way some see it bright and shiny and others like I'll admit myself see it through the glasses of trauma. And I think that's why we all have the opinions we do most of the time when you like a shipper character it's because you relate to them somehow even if it's the most minor thing to someone else it might be huge for you. You never know what the person on the other side of the screen is going through in those characters or ship or fanfiction might have literally saved their lives.

Sidenote: Like okay personal story I was been both mentally and sexually abused as a child so I relate to both Kara and Lena respective childhood trauma so that draws me to them. And I kind of see them both as the opposite attract trope (two side of the same coin) because well we never fully get over trauma Kara had a great support system with the Danvers whereas Lena didn't get that with the luthors I mean sure she had Lex at first but even that was only to a certain extent because of his psychopathy that was starting to manifest he couldn't perceive human emotions the same as Lena who in my opinion is just a big mushy nerd who can be a badass when needed as evident by the season 6 episodes after she's quit L-Corp she's constantly trying to help out inventing new stuff and she's wondering how Nia's suit works and it just shows that she just has a curious mind and also she looks happier even with the guilt she feels over Kara's phantom zone incident when Nia called her a part of the family that smile could lit up a city all she's ever wanted is to belong and I can relate to that therefore to her.

Number #6, I feel like this should have been addressed in earlier number but as far as sexuality goes I would want to believe Kara is pansexual because of everything I've ever read and saw I don't believe she perceived sexuality like humans do because of her Kryptonian upbringing for the first good chunk of the life. Like even though she says she's not gay in the first episode, A. It was the first episode so they didn't even know where the story was going in future seasons if they got them also that means maybe she just didn't perceive herself as the Earth's definition of gay. B. Even in the first season she made a comment about how she bought Lucy was gorgeous and hell she would date her. C. She made some comments about Irma and other woman that don't sound totally heterosexual and don't get me wrong women can admire the beauty and intelligence of other women without it being sexual but as a bisexual woman it just struck a cord in me you can tell the difference when it's coming from a straight woman mouth. Now on the subject of her and Lena strictly I do think there are instances of "queerbaiting"because just because you perceive they haven't been promised to us doesn't mean that some of us haven't picked up on things or the fact that they're simply queerbating because somehow they do hype up Kara and Lena to keep a nice chunk of the audience who ships them mainly those of the gay variety interested in the show which is also considered queerbaiting. Also the fact that they've been called sisters or family or my personal favorite "that's what friends are for"doesn't mean crap because honestly at this point the overuse of friends just sounds more like they're trying to convince themselves than us.*** Also I don't know about you but even on the basic level of things they've done I've never shown half those feelings towards my friends and the ones I have it's because I started to think of them as more than friends.

Now with Lena's sexuality no they have never shown her as anything besides straight canonically but don't get me wrong she totally sends off that college experimentation vibe especially with Andrea for some reason but that may just be me.

Number #7, my main point is let's just be kind to one another because guess what there is toxicity from every ship in a fandom there will always be shitty people on both sides and then there will be those of us who just want to see the characters together for one reason or another and yes I'm not afraid to admit that part of my reasons I want to see two gorgeous woman kiss sue me LOL.

Number #8, the conclusion of my rant is that how about we leave the hating to the ones who want to do that and the rest of us like adults or whatever your age is in the fandom that has any type of maturity behave because I truly do wish the best and in the end well I hope they end up together I'm realistic that they probably won't especially due to the CW Network motto of "homophobia and racism"because they've already broken up several good gay and interracial couples on that show. But at the end of the day my true wish is just that all of the characters end up happy and healthy.

Best of luck to all shippers out there anti and supercorp and or any other couple alike may we try to make it out of this with a modicum of sanity and even if they fail us we always have fanfiction thank you and good night.

[word-ghost]

another little short inspired by some very nice people on discord <3

early fall, year 4

The long weekend was coming to an end, and Harvey couldn’t imagine it having gone better. His sister had left him the keys to her vacation home, a one-bedroom cottage surrounded by dense forest and mountain peaks, about three hours northeast of Pelican Town by train. He and Peach rented a car when they arrived at the little town in the foothills, and Harvey drove them carefully up the steep, narrow roads.

They wound their way through the mountain pass until the trees dropped off on one side, giving way to spectacular views of the valleys below. At least, Peach said they were spectacular. Harvey had fixed his eyes on the road and tried not to think about having to drive back down. What they found upon their arrival more than made up for the perilous trip.

The secluded house was larger than the one they’d left behind. Its porch wrapped all the way around and jutted out over the rocky slope of the mountain. The back of the house was covered in large windows, offering a beautiful view of the forest landscape.

“Tess called this a cottage?” Peach asked, marveling at the stone fireplace that climbed the living room wall to the vaulted ceiling. “This is a whole-ass house.”

“She’s the realtor,” Harvey chuckled, wrapping his arm around her. “I took her word for it.”

Peach and Harvey settled in for their weekend away, unpacking before sitting down to a leisurely dinner and a rented film. They spent the next afternoon hiking the nearby trails, which tired Harvey out much more than he’d expected. He was sore enough to allow Peach to coax him into the hot tub on the second night. And for their last, they’d planned to cook out on the grill, but the weather had other plans.

Heavy clouds covered what sky they could see through the canopy of trees, and a soft rain fell. When Harvey remarked that it would be easier to have to leave the following morning, Peach disagreed. She said she’d miss the thick white fog that rolled through the tree-lined summits and the whisper of rainfall over thousands of trees. He had to admit she wasn’t wrong.

He would miss this quiet night, the crackling fire, and the comfortable stillness between him and the woman he loved. Harvey raised his eyes from his book, expecting to find Peach sprawled across the other two couch cushions, still buried in her paperback. Instead, her book lay folded open on the armrest. She sat upright, her cheek resting on the back of the couch, eyes on him. He held her gaze a moment, the warm air feeling cooler on his face. He glanced at the page number before he closed his book and placed it on the coffee table.

“What are you thinking about?” Harvey met her eyes again, not sure what to make of her curious little smile.

“How handsome you are,” Peach said, flickering firelight dancing in her eyes. “Time off agrees with you.”

Harvey would have blamed her comments on too much wine, but their last bottle remained unopened on the counter, two clean glasses waiting by its side.

He allowed Peach to take his hand, a bashful smile curling his lips as her fingers curled around his. She inched nearer, her free fingers floating up to trace the line of his jaw. Harvey hadn’t shaved since before they’d left town, and he’d given very little thought to the state of himself since the start of their getaway. He lifted his hand and rubbed his fingers through the stubble. It was worse than he thought.

“You don’t think I look— messy?”

“Mm-mm,” she hummed, the backs of her curled fingers still stroking the coarse hair as if it were velvet. “I like a little scruff.”

“What about— what about my mustache?” Harvey said, hating the nervous way the words left his lips. But Peach seemed lovelier with each year that passed, while he felt older every day.

“What about it?”

“If I were to shave it— what would you think?”

“You want to shave it off?”

“It’s not— I don’t want to, per se, but—” he sighed. “It does get in the way sometimes when I’m eating or drinking. And— when I kiss you.”

“Let me see.” Peach dropped his hand and threw a leg over him, wedging her knee between his thigh and the armrest.

Harvey’s face flushed a deeper pink as she leaned in for a closer assessment. Peach used her thumbs to smooth the new length away from his mouth. Then, holding each side in place, she tilted forward, eyes falling closed as her lips met his. Harvey’s heart took off at a gallop. His arms wrapped around her, holding her steady as much as himself as he sighed into her kiss. As unprepared for her as he had been, he wasn’t ready when she pulled away.

“I guess it could use a little trim,” she murmured.

“Just a trim?” He replied, his voice a bit above a whisper.

“What’s wrong?” Peach’s hands fell to his chest as she leaned back, concern furrowing her brow.

“Nothing, really.” Harvey covered one of her hands with his, knowing well enough he wouldn’t get away with not answering. Finally, he took a deep breath and confessed. “When I first became a doctor, people didn’t always take me seriously. So I grew a mustache to make myself look a little more mature. But now— I’m about to turn forty. I certainly don’t need any help looking older anymore.”

“I know you don’t see yourself the way I do,” Peach said. “But I love you—everything about you—no matter what you decide to do with the hair on your face. But warn me first if you do decide to shave your mustache. You’ll look like a stranger without it.”

“Just a trim,” Harvey chuckled, pulling her close again for another tickly kiss.

[tundrainafrica]

I just find it so unfortunate that some aggressive shippers ruin a ship and a character for so many people. A popular Erwin x Levi artist got hate comments by some Levihan shippers and so many people are bashing it now on twitter because of that. Its just so sad considering LH was one of the most beautiful and fun dynamics in such a depressing story. Even Hange is getting hated because LH is pretty much the default ship involving them and it just breaks my heart :(

Twitter has some great content and I actually hang around AOT twt for some quick content. It’s like every time I’m feeling fast food I just hang there, like a few tweets, read a few soc med AUs etc etc. 

But god. It’s a mess man. Last year I was constantly on twitter to be honest and it left me in a bad mood everyday because people are just being assholes for little to no reason really but just to put themselves in what they believe is a morally higher ground from their peers. And people just like fighting and the funny part is no opinions are actually heard, no views are actually exchanged. It’s just “you dont agree with me so you’re a bad person.” 

Ad hominem attacks are just everywhere.

So I like staying in my small little hole and just talking to myself there and just liking the content of the Levihan people I actually follow. I see stuff I don’t agree with but I’ve kinda accepted that a lot of people there are just there to push an agenda because really if people were that open minded, I don’t think lynching and call out culture would have gotten this far.  

I’ve used this same analogy so many times but I feel like in Twitter, people are just scrambling for some sort of moral high ground. Because of that, it is completely useless to engage in discourse there because one thing I noticed is most people who are vocal there already have a set stance on something and the fact that they’re ready to just bully anyone who stands in the way of their agenda, just makes convincing them out of the agenda impossible and a complete waste of time. And there are two issues in particular among the LH community which are really unsettling for me: the ship wars and within the LH community, the gender war. 

Ship wars

I find the ship wars unnecessary because really what makes a superior ship? 

Probability of being canon? How much fuel they were given in canon? Healthiness of the relationship?

The truth is people ship for many reasons. But really, who are we to judge how a person goes about the way they decide to participate in the fandom and ship? As long as it is something they keep within personal spaces and do it responsibly, I don’t think it’s our business to judge someone or lynch them. The important thing is people are able to not be an asshole about it. People can ship the most questionable shit, create the most dubious content, as long as that person is respecting boundaries and putting the right tags and trigger warnings, who are we to call them out right?

Of course I prefer LH over other Levi ships personally but is there really a need to attack other people’s ships about it? I probably do poke fun at Ereri because until now I still do not get why people enjoy Ereri in the first place but why destroy the fandom experience for people just because we don’t agree with them.

My general intention behind shipping Levihan is because above anything I value the healthiness in the relationship and the things people can learn about love and relationships by analyzing Levihan’s dynamics and headcanoning them. I love Levi and Hange’s dynamics to death and I like digging deeper into them and pulling out lessons from it about love, life and relationships and just sharing them with people which is my whole point for participating in this fandom in the first place. 

But in the end, ships are just preferences. Some people like getting a kick out of dubious pairings and toxic relationships. As long as they consume these responsibly and don’t emulate them in real life, I see no problem in it. 

The toxic ones are the ones who actively crucify people for preferences. 

The Gender War

One really disturbing thing I found about twitter is that deciding to use ‘she’ to refer to Hange can get you lynched. I found a few accounts that would reblog tweets where someone says something like “Yes, Hange, Queen” which gets retweeted by some NB Hange folk who say stuff like “Unfollow this transphobe now.” 

Because apparently deciding to headcanon Hange as a woman or just preferring to use ‘she’ makes people a transphobe. Which is personally just... really disturbing. I don’t believe words like homophobic, transphobic, racist should be so easily thrown around unless there is hard evidence to believe that someone is really one of the epithets above like for example: 

There are things I find completely assholish like of course, refusing to use someone’s preferred pronouns if they ask you. 

But Hange is fictional and Hange is a gift to the fandom.And I don’t even think the issue about Hange’s gender should have ever reached this far. The only thing Yams ever said was that Hange is just not the type to be tied down to a single gender. 

And policing Hange’s gender and saying NOPE SHE’S NON BINARY USE THEY Is just counterintuitive to the whole idea that she’s a free spirit. In the end, Hange as a character wouldn’t have given a fuck whether people called her a they, she or even a he. 

And yeah, it’s frustrating really that these two issues I just discussed above are ruining Hange as a character for a lot of people and consequently, ruining Levi x Hange as a ship. 

Apparently, a lot of people are closet LxH shippers or closet Hange stans because the moment they tweet something about Hange, there are people who will attack them. If people refer to Hange as they, they get attacked. If people refer to Hange as she, they get attacked. There are so many antis apparently to the LxH ship, some apparently are jealous because ‘it’s the closest to canon’ while others just apparently deem it a toxic ship because of our own internal gender war.  

There’s no winning really. And to be honest, there’s nothing I can do either and I don’t want to engage in any arguments in twitter if at the end of it, I’m just gonna end up wasting my time listening to ad hominem attacks directed at me just for not agreeing with someone in a fandom related matter. . 

I’ve said my piece about the Hange gender issue so many times. There are NBs who use she. There are those who use they. Being female and being NB aren’t mutually exclusive. You can be both at the same time.

But yeah, we still have people being assholes about this and pushing factually wrong agendas. I love research and I have been writing research papers and metas for a lot of things even before I started this blog in the first place. And I eventually learned that the world is so complex that no opinion is completely and absolutely correct. 

And ideally, opinions shouldn’t be made so easily. 

Don’t get me wrong. I believe everyone is entitled to a preference and when I say preference I mean the type of food they like, the type of wallpaper they like. 

But no one is entitled to a moral judgement or opinion just for existing and when I say opinion I mean questions on morals, on what’s right or what isn’t, what is or what should be. Every single person has the responsibility to research, hear both sides of a discourse and understanding them before deciding for themselves what’s right. And this is why hearing accusations that someone is ‘transphobic,’ ‘homophobic’ blah blah over how we hc a character just really does not sit well with me. 

Passing moral judgement on someone requires discernment, deep thought and lots and lots of evidence. But yeah this is a philosophical question and a political question so I ain’t going to delve into it here.

Because, in the end, fandoms are preferences. The way we choose to participate in a fandom and create content are preferences more than anything.

So what? (Btw, if you reached all the way here, thank you for listening to me ramble lol and sorry if you weren’t expecting this type of ramble)

I know I’ve just been rambling a lot up there for a lot of reasons but really what message do I wanna give? 

Fandoms are preferences more than anything so I don’t even believe that there should be a discussion on moral judgement here. People can have the weirdest kinks, the most questionable preferences but as long as they aren’t going around romanticizing abuse, beating up people in real life, killing them and lying in real life, who are we to judge?

Even if someone says they have a rape kink and abuse kink when it comes to fics, as long as they acknowledge it’s something they shouldn’t emulate in real life, as long as they can keep an adult conversation about it, I think these people are generally kinder and more pleasant overall than people who force their healthy canon ship and lynch everyone for having more questionable preferences. 

Ship and let ship. Live and let live. Headcanon and let headcanon. If a person has a differing opinion, listen. (Or really, if you just don’t want to deal with listening to differing opinions coz you’re just gonna get stressed, don’t lynch? Don’t send hate? And just ignore it?)

Ask yourself. Does the person acknowledge that it isn’t right in real life? Do they acknowledge if they emulate it in real life it has the potential to be harmful?

Honestly, all I wanna do is just let people stan Levi and Hange however they want to. There are obviously hcs I dont agree with. But in the LH community we just all love Levihan, let’s not ruin the fandom experience for anyone. In the AOT community, we all just love AOT, let’s not ruin it for anyone. Let’s not hurt anyone, attack them etc. 

If someone doesn’t agree and they can hold an adult conversation about it and they don’t emulate these toxic opinions in real life and they recognize that there is the option to just agree to disagree, why don’t we just listen and engage in this discourse to learn more about other people and to build more perspectives?

Because really it isn’t the questionable hcs or the multiple genders which leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. It’s the people who just go straight to attacking instead of actually considering that there’s potential for discourse and there’s potential to ‘agree to disagree’ because in the end, fandom discourse is a question of preference more than moral judgement. 

It’s easier said than done really. But personally for me, I just try to keep my fandom experience as non toxic as possible while at the same time as mentally fulfilling as possible. I enjoy discourse, I like hearing differing opinions and I really believe with something as light and as inconsequential as fandoms as our common ground, we can learn to peacefully co-exist despite differing opinions on what the best ship is or what Hange’s gender is. 

Note: I won’t delve too much on the Hange gender issue here because I have pending asks about those which I’ll answer in one go, but I really believe that both they and she are valid pronouns for Hange. 

I have a general preference for ‘she’ because it’s just easier to read. But personally I don’t think too much about the gender identity issue because it’s really just too complex for me and i like spending my time thinking of other headcanons about Hange than gender and people who push the Hange is nb agenda and people who push the Hange is a female agenda and just insult each other and lynch each other are both equally unsettling. 

[the-currian]

Ok, so I feel like Kazunari and Tenma also have a crush on Izumi. Are there any boys other than Masumi and Sakyo that like her? A lot of things are hinted

Anon, let me tell you, this game is a freaking reverse harem; therefore the only acceptable answer is that everyone is attracted to Izumi to some extent sksksksk

I can’t say about the rookies bc I don’t follow the JP server that closely, but this is my personal opinion on how each troupe views Izumi. Feel free to disagree! Also I’d like to clarify that this does not reflect who I ship Izumi with.

Mankai’s Relationships with Izumi:

Spring Troupe:

Sakuya Sakuma: Admires Izumi for her tenacity and passion for theater. Deeply grateful for the opportunity she created for him by keeping the Mankai company alive. Verdict: Views Izumi platonically

Masumi Usui: Does this boy even need an explanation. Infatuated with the director; probably sees something in Izumi that draws him to her, might have something to do with his family issues. Still an immature bb tho and probably doesn’t have a good grip on how romantic relationships are supposed to work. Nonetheless, the attraction is real. Verdict: Views Izumi romantically

Tsuzuru Minagi: More or less same as Sakuya. Although there have been some instances where Tsuzuru has made some comments about Izumi, they can be interpreted loosely - I personally view it as friendly flirting. Verdict: Views Izumi platonically

Itaru Chigasaki: I’m kinda iffy on this one. I think that the potential is there, but I don’t think that Itaru is ready to fully commit to a serious relationship. He’s appreciative of how Izumi understands the real him, and since their ages aren’t that far apart, he's comfortable around her. As such, he teasingly flirts with her because it’s in his personality. I realllyyyy want to say he views her romantically, but ultimately, I think a serious romance is far off from Itaru’s thoughts. Verdict: Views Izumi platonically

Citron: More or less same as Itaru. But he has the factor of being a foreigner. Like Itaru, I think the potential is there, but Citron is also has other things on his mind and isn’t looking for a serious relationship. The attraction is there, though! Verdict: Views Izumi platonically

Summer Troupe:

Tenma Sumeragi: Yep, I agree! It’s strongly hinted that he has a crush on Izumi. This probably stems from the fact that she was the one who supported him when he was vulnerable, and helped him overcome his weaknesses. I don’t approve though bc age disparity. Verdict: Views Izumi romantically

Yuki Rurikawa: I can’t recall any shippy moments between them? I view their relationship as a platonic, sibling-like one. Verdict: Views Izumi platonically

Muku Sakisaka: He’s admitted that he thinks that Izumi is attractive but I think it’s more of a fact to him than an opinion, if you get what I mean? He like acknowledges that she is an attractive woman, but he himself is not romantically attracted to her. Heck, he ships her with other members. Verdict: Views Izumi platonically

Misumi Ikaruga: Also iffy for me. In general, Misumi is a very affectionate person. He definitely likes Izumi, so she is also subject to his affections. Are they romantic affections, though? I’m not so sure. Verdict: Views Izumi platonically

Kazunari Miyoshi: I definitely think he’s attracted to her. Not sure how deep it goes, but there have been multiple instances that hint that he likes Izumi. Izumi often shoots him down, but I do believe that his intentions are genuine - it’s just that his personality makes it seem like he isn’t, and he isn’t the type to let it affect him too much. Verdict: Views Izumi romantically

Autumn Troupe:

Banri Settsu: Yep! It’s also been strongly hinted that Banri is attracted to Izumi. In various backstage stories he’s been shown to be jealous of other members when they interact with Izumi, and he tries to show off in front of her. Verdict: Views Izumi romantically

Juza Hyodo: Mmmmm kinda iffy? Like some other members, he definitely holds a deep admiration and appreciation for Izumi due to the opportunity she gave them. But there are also some moments that make me think that he could possibly have a crush on her, but he hasn’t realized it yet. But ultimately, I don’t think so. Verdict: Views Izumi platonically

Taichi Nanao: More or less same as Tenma. Is more upfront about it though, similar to Kazunari. The age disparity, though, hmmmmm. Verdict: Views Izumi romantically

Omi Fushimi: Whether he realizes it or not, I think he is attracted to Izumi. Many of his backstories show him opening up to Izumi, being protective of her, complimenting her, etc. He’s also quite flirty with her, too. But idk, there’s this vibe that I get from him that makes it seem like he’s holding himself back? Anyway... Verdict: Views Izumi romantically

Sakyo Furuichi: The biggest simp of them all. ngl kinda hard to elaborate on this bc it’s so painfully obvious and it just makes sense. Definitely. Yes. Their history? Their interactions? *chef’s kiss* Verdict: Views Izumi romantically

Winter Troupe:

Tsumugi Tsukioka: My gut tells me yes! There are some backstories that hint at it - he becomes quite bashful and blushy around the director. There’s this one that I can’t quite remember clearly, but it had something to do with flower language and my heart was just - uwu. Verdict: Views Izumi romantically

Tasuku Takato: Too much of a theater junkie to focus on romantic relationships. I don’t even mean this in a joking manner - I vaguely remember Tasuku saying something about him being completely focused on his acting. That being said, he does like to playfully tease Izumi - it probably comes with being around the same age and living in close quarters - but yeah, nothing serious. Verdict: Views Izumi platonically

Hisoka Mikage: More or less like Citron, I think. The potential is there, but Hisoka has more pressing matters to focus on besides romance. He’s too deep in his own issues to actively pursue a romantic relationship. Verdict: Views Izumi platonically

Homare Arisugawa: Now, this may seem a bit controversial, but I personally believe that Homare is one of the least invested members in the company. For him, it’s another way to express his artistry. Yes, he does have meaningful relationships with the members of the company, but I feel like he’s one of the members that is least in it for the sake of passion for theater. Their relationship is more of a working/colleagues/friends one - I really don’t see the two in a romantic light. Verdict: Views Izumi platonically

Azuma Yukishiro: More or less same as Itaru, but with more angst. I think he’s attracted to Izumi. There is potential. But I feel like Azuma tends to distance himself from more serious relationships? He has personal issues that he needs to overcome first. But he does enjoy playfully teasing Izumi - the whole company, really - he just has a flirtatious nature in general. Verdict: Views Izumi platonically.

--

And those are my opinions! Feel free to share your thoughts!

Thanks for the ask, anon! This was really fun to think about and analyze. I think that this is kinda telling about how I go about writing my fics ahahaha so I hope you enjoyed the glimpse of my thought process.

- Jen

[nikkigrand]

i saw that you've been reblogging posts and stuff, but you dont update, which is totally fine! no pressure!! but i've noticed that you're such a loner in fandom and barely talk to anyone, and disappear alot??? can i ask why?? we all love your work and would love to be more involved with you

I wanna start by saying thank you for reading and supporting my work. It gives me the fuzzies to know that people like the things I put out. 

Now, on to your question! I guess this will be a long one lol. 

I’ve been a part of the Naruto fandom for about 15 years now - as a silent lurker and as a contributor. That’s a large part of my life. 

When I first started, fandom was this thing where you could unleash your creativity upon the world and people’s comments were either constructive criticisms (such as spelling, grammar, plot, character development, etc.) or praise for your work. 

There were flames, of course, but i can’t remember if these flames were personally incendiary or along the spectrum of, “your character is a Mary Sue, and this is terrible and I hate it.”

There were dark!fics, squik!fics, fetish!fics, all types of fics that were creative in a way that would challenge the author and the reader. And we all knew that just because they liked writing about it, it didn’t mean that they did these things in real life. 

In fact, fanfiction.net hadn’t even been around for a decade when I first logged on. I only created an account 5 years after finding it. I remember when character slots were being updated each time a new Shippuden chapter was released.  

Don’t get me wrong, these were also the days of active character bashing. I guess things in that respect haven’t changed, but back then, if you didn’t like a character or a pairing, you just didn’t read or actively search for it. This is where the term “Don’t like, don’t read” or “DLDR” came from. 

Now, you’ll have people who disagree with what you contribute to the point where they’ll actually dox you. That was simply unheard of back in the early 2000s and 2010′s. For some, fandom is a secret part of their lives - a guilty pleasure, something they don’t want others to know about. That’s why usernames exist. 

A lot of us write erotica, and some of us don’t want people knowing that - i sure don’t. 

And now, because users are becoming more guarded, they feel protective over their work, who they share it with, and who they allow into their circles. Which is fine for them, I guess, that’s their prerogative. But, I miss the days where fandom was all inclusive. 

For example, I tried joining a server for a pairing I really enjoyed and was excited because I could talk about this thing that brought me joy with other people who would also be excited to share what they thought. Except, I was told I could not join because my content “made them uncomfortable” and I need more recommendations from other users.

Being told I could essentially “not sit with them,” was a Mean Girl way of saying I did not fit into their mold and their ideals of what fandom should be. Their 2020 definition of a fandom “safe space” is not the same as it was back then.

And that absolutely blew my mind. That I would be excluded from an environment that used to be so inclusive that I could theoretically write a story about a tailed beast orgy and no one would have batted an eye. 

I mean, what is this? An exclusive club I need recommendation letters to join? The hell? Is this college? A corporate job? The Illuminati???

Since when was that even a THING in fandom??

So now, I keep to myself. 

I disappear often because this is just a hobby. If I want to write, I will write. If I don’t, I don’t. Once I feel like this is a job, it is no longer enjoyable for me. I am under no obligation to post anything I write, I only do so because I want to share. 

I have never been a writer who updates based on reviews or kudos. I have stories with over 30k words that have 8 reviews, and I don’t care. I have stories with 10k words with 100 reviews, and I still don’t care. Why? Because I write for ME. Because it makes ME feel better. And if you enjoy what makes me feel better, then that is simply a bonus for me. (this doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate reviews, they’re just not necessary for me.)

Bashing does not affect me, I couldn’t care less what losers who have nothing better to do have to say. Like, how weird do you have to be to attack someone over fictional characters? I mean, there’s weird and then there’s fucking weird. 

So, yeah, I keep to myself because the Naruto fandom has become toxic and I like keeping my blog a drama free zone. This has always been my own version of a safe space. This blog is still in the 2000s days of fandom. Back when it was FUN. I talk about what I want, post what I want, and do what I want.

Some people may see me as cut throat and a hard ass, but I don’t believe in bowing down to people I don’t know over the internet lol. I have thick enough skin to ignore weirdos.

Don’t get me wrong, any of my readers can message me and talk to me and ask me anything without fear. I believe in respect, kindness, and courtesy. I have NOT ONCE ever treated one of my followers like they were beneath me, or like they should be grateful for what I’ve shared with them. 

Because for me, that is not what fandom is about. 

[noona-clock]

Now or Never - Part 7

Genre: College!AU

Pairing: Jae x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: None

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 | Words: 2,776

The more time that passed, the more Jae was convinced he was actually dreaming.

I mean, a fire in his dorm? That was already unbelievable enough. But walking up to his dorm to see you? Talking to a fireman? And then seeing you turn around when he called out your name? You running over to him, tears streaming down your face? You wasting no time in hugging him like you hadn’t seen him in centuries?

And that was just the beginning!

After hugging for at least a few minutes, and after you literally held his face in your hands, the two of you were now walking back to your apartment together because you, and I quote, “didn’t want to leave him just yet.”

He was definitely dreaming.

He also knew he was dreaming because you hadn’t said anything about his hair and lack of spectacles yet, and he knew you. The Real You wouldn’t let one second go by without making a comment about his new look. It had now been hundreds of seconds since you’d seen him, and you hadn’t said a thing.

So, the only logical conclusion was, none of this was reality. He was in his bed sleeping after a long, draining first week of school, and he was dreaming about you hugging him and holding his face and inviting him back to your place.

That had to be the only explanation! So, he just went with it. He walked with you to your apartment, letting you hold onto his arm while he kept his hands in his pockets. He grinned to himself when you rested your head on his shoulder. He didn’t say a word -- mostly because you didn’t either but also because he was scared if he did, he might wake up. He followed you up the stairs of your apartment complex, and finally, he stepped in through the front door he knew so well. The one he’d stormed out of just a week ago after he’d yelled at you and confessed his love for you. In the same sentence.

To be honest, he couldn’t wait to see what his dream had in store for him next.

Your heart and mind were both racing the whole walk back to your apartment. 

You didn’t say anything the entire time because you were thinking about what you wanted -- what you needed to say, but Jae didn’t say anything, either, so it didn’t feel weird or awkward.

It actually kind of just felt like old times. And... it was probably the last time it would feel like old times.

As soon as you walked into your apartment, you slid your backpack and your jacket off your shoulders, hanging them both up on the coat rack in your entryway. You waited for Jae to do the same, and then you slowly headed into your living room.

“You... might want to sit down,” you said with a soft, self-deprecating chuckle. “I have a lot to say.”

“You got it,” Jae murmured before following your suggestion and plopping down on your couch. “The floor is all yours.”

You took a deep breath, only glancing at Jae before you began to pace around your living room.

“First of all,” you began, hearing the shakiness of nerves in your voice. “I’m sorry. This is what I wanted to say to you when I called you over last week. I didn’t want to tell you all that... stuff. About me being scared. I had planned on apologizing, but I didn’t get the chance, so I’m going to do it now. I’m so... so, so sorry. I treated you like my therapist instead of my friend, so I probably owe you a lot of money for all those hours I spent venting and complaining, and it was just incredibly selfish of me, and I truly don’t know why you put up with it for so long. I can’t say I’m sorry enough, and I will spend the rest of my life apologizing and making it up to you.”

You spared him another glance, seeing he was watching you rather intently, but it didn’t look like he had any desire to say anything just yet... so, you continued.

“Obviously, I have ended things with... him, and we won’t even get into the reasons why I stayed with him for so long because we already talked about that, and frankly, I’m a little embarrassed. But I thought you should know that it’s definitely and completely over, so please don’t try to walk out on me again.”

Yet again, you stopped pacing and glanced at Jae. He simply nodded and then motioned for you to keep talking. So, you did.

“This past week has been... just awful. It’s made me realize that your friendship is the biggest and best part of my life, and I really don’t want to live without it. And this afternoon made me realize I don’t want to live without you. When I saw it was your dorm on fire, my heart dropped down to the ground. When you didn’t answer your phone, I -- I just couldn’t imagine -- You could’ve been lying in your room literally dying or already dead, and you would never know. I would never get the chance to tell you. I’ve been thinking about you constantly all week, and I don’t think I’ve ever missed anyone as much as I missed you, and I’m sorry it took me thinking you might have died to finally realize it, and Kevin told me I did, but I didn’t believe him, but damn it, he was right, and --”

All of a sudden, Jae was standing next to you, putting his hands on your shoulders to stop you from pacing. And... you were crying. You don’t remember when you’d started to cry, but you were currently gazing up at him through blurry, watery eyes.

“What are you talking about? He was right about what?” Jae asked. You could hear how nervous he was, and his eyes searched yours as if he could answer his own question simply by looking at you.

You sniffled once before reaching up to your shoulders and taking his hands in yours. You brought them down in-between you, clutching them and never wanting to let go.

“He told me that I had feelings for you, and I know I’m an idiot, and I wouldn’t blame you if you’ve already moved on and you don’t want to be with me, but he was right. I do --” You had to stop and take a shaky breath before continuing. “I do have feelings for you, and I want to be with you, and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it, and I... why -- why are you looking at me like that?”

Jae’s facial expression had transformed into one of extreme confusion. His forehead was wrinkled, his lips tugged down into a frown.

You had no idea what he was about to say, and you were quite puzzled when he simply said:

“Why?”

You blinked at him a few times before responding with, “...Why what?”

“Why do you like me?”

“Uh --” you sputtered, caught totally off-guard by his question. “I -- I mean, you’re an amazing person. You’re funny and loyal and, like, literally the best person I know.”

Jae nodded slowly and was silent for a few moments before he said...

“But why?”

“Wha --”

“Why?”

“Because I trust you, and I know I can tell you anything and you won’t judge me.”

“But why, though?”

“Because! I just like you! You’re amazing and --”

“Why, though?”

Ooooookay, now you felt like an idiot. Jae was totally just being his annoying self and teasing you.

Which was a good sign.

You broke out into a smile and let go of one of his hands so you could playfully push at his chest. “Shut up,” you chuckled. “No, wait. Ask me one more time.”

Jae leaned in just a little bit closer, a smirk tugging at his lips when he asked one more time: “But why?”

“Because... you’re really cute.” You immediately cringed, and Jae burst out laughing, bringing his free hand up to cover his mouth.

“I’m not cringing because it’s not true!” you assured him, holding back your own laughter. “It’s just weird, and I -- it’s just weird.”

“Nah, I get it,” he chuckled.

And now that everything was out in the open and the tension between you was broken, you could finally bring up the most important thing -- the thing you’d wanted to bring up since you’d first seen him standing outside of his dorm.

“You changed your hair!” you cried, reaching up to tug at one of his dark locks. “And where are your glasses?! You’re not Chicken Little anymore! Who are you?!”

A bashful smile appeared on Jae’s lips, and he reached up to scratch the back of his neck before he answered you. “I was... I needed a change. I was tired of the one-sided love thing, and I thought if I changed how I looked, it would... change how I feel? ...Wow, that sounds so stupid, I --”

“No, it’s not stupid,” you assured him. “Do you know how many girls get a haircut after they break up with someone?”

Jae’s brows immediately lifted, his eyes widening a little as he gazed down at you. “You... really broke up with him?”

“Yes!” you cried, sounding equal parts offended and ashamed. “Of course, I did! Please don’t remind me how much of an idiot I was for not breaking up with him sooner!”

Jae let out a soft chuckle and stepped closer to you, sliding his arms around your shoulders and pulling you into a hug. “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he said gently as he pressed his cheek to your temple.

Your heart was skipping every other beat as Jae held you, your arms curled up in-between the two of you, your hands resting on the lapels of his flannel button-down.

You’d been this close to him before, obviously, but... it was different now. 

“If it took being with him to realize you should actually be with me, then...” he continued.

You almost let out a sigh of relief hearing him say that. “So... you do still want to be with me?” you asked, the words just barely making it past your lips because you were so nervous and anxious.

“Yeah, I do,” he answered. “I just have one question.”

“Hmm?”

Jae pulled back, resting his hands on your shoulders and furrowing his brow down at you. “Is this a dream or nah?”

“What?” you chuckled. “A dream?”

“Yeah, ‘cause, like -- up until now basically, I kind of thought I was dreaming -- ow!”

You had just reached up and pinched his cheek, letting out a soft giggle at his reaction. “See? Not a dream,” you told him with a playful smirk.

“Yo, that was unnecessary,” he scolded, though you could see he was having a hard time keeping a smile off his lips.

“I disagree.”

“Did you really have to pinch me?” he retorted with a furrowed brow. “You could have, like, kissed me or something, at least!”

Your head jerked back slightly in surprise. “Kissed you? Do you... want me to kiss you?”

Jae looked at you kind of like you were just a little bit crazy. “I mean, yeah.”

...Oh, god. Well, now it felt too awkward to kiss him! He was expecting it, and you knew he was expecting it, but you weren’t moving so the two of you were now just staring at each other -- well, actually, you were staring at Jae’s lips, and had they always been that nice? Like super pillow-y and well-moisturized and just a really nice shape? How had you never noticed that before?

“...Hello? Earth to Y/N,” Jae chuckled, and the movement of his lips forced you out of your little trance. You shifted your gaze to his eyes, and you obviously looked incredibly anxious because Jae simply said, “It’s not a big deal. I’ve been waiting this long, I can wait a little longer.”

You truly did not want to know the answer to this question, but you asked it anyway: “How long?”

“How long what?”

“How long have you...”

“Been in love with you?”

“Yeah.”

“Since the beginning.”

“Excuse me, I have to go throw up,” you said, moving toward your bathroom.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Jae said quickly, tightening his hold on you so you couldn’t leave. “Throw up? What are you --?”

“I am the biggest idiot!” you cried in extreme distress. “And thinking about everything that’s happened -- it makes me feel sick, and I don’t deserve you, and while I’m in the bathroom throwing up because of how stupid I am, you can just leave and go find someone who’s good enough for you!”

Jae didn’t respond at first, but he also didn’t let go of you.

Then, after a few moments of awkward silence, he said, “Okay... you... are... so weird.”

You let out a frustrated groan and buried your face in his neck again, not wanting to look him in the eye right now.

“First of all,” he said, bringing one hand up to cradle the back of your head. “You’re not the biggest idiot. That award goes to He Who Shall Not Be Named.”

“Voldemort?”

“Second of all,” he continued, completely ignoring you. “You’re also not stupid. You’re the smartest person I know, and I would not be almost ready to graduate college if it weren’t for you.”

“Okay, true.”

Jae ignored you yet again. “Third of all, you do deserve me. You are good enough for me. Just because you made some... questionable decisions in the past doesn’t mean you’re a bad person! And, if you think about it, it’s not all your fault!”

You had never said this was all your fault, but okay. You would let him keep going.

“I could have told you how I felt! I was kind of an idiot, too.”

While he was not entirely wrong, you didn’t really want to admit it out loud. Normally, you would have because he was Jae and anytime you got to tease him was a good time. But this was not a normal situation. So, you simply kept your face buried in his neck, letting out a soft sigh against his skin.

“Hey,” he murmured. “I didn’t keep hanging out with you because I thought one day you would be my girlfriend.”

Your brow furrowed, but you didn’t say anything. Yet.

“I gave up on that a long time ago. I kept hanging out with you because I wanted to. I liked you as a person. I liked playing video games with you. I liked hearing about your day. I liked going to Taco Bell with you and talking about dinosaurs. You’re not an idiot. I would never be friends with an idiot. So, the next time you call yourself an idiot, I’m going to take it as a personal offense because that means you think I would be friends with an idiot.”

Your lips curved into a smile, and you couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a soft chuckle. 

But your mind was caught up on one thing he’d just said...

“You... gave up?” you asked quietly.

“Yeah,” he admitted with a bashful laugh.

“When?”

“When you friend-zoned me.”

“When... was that?”

“After we turned in that English project,” Jae replied without hesitating.

Your brow furrowed, and it took you a few seconds to understand what he was talking about. “You mean... like, that first class we had together? That project we did at the very beginning of the year? Freshman year?”

Jae nodded.

“What?!” you cried. “You remember that?!”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you literally forget my birthday every single year,” you reminded him. “Why would you remember one thing I said over three years ago?!”

“Because a guy never forgets when he was friend-zoned by the girl he loves,” he explained with a shrug.

You knew Jae had said the word ‘love’ before. He had told you ‘I love you,’ maybe more than once.

But hearing him say it now, the way he just had... it hit you harder.

You stared up at him, a soft wrinkle in-between your eyebrows as you studied his face. Jae stared back at you, and when you didn’t say anything after about twenty seconds, he murmured a “What?”

You answered him by standing on your toes and kissing him.

Part 8

[white-collar-lawmen-and-conmen]

Bite (Part One)

Summary: Peter’s team is invited onto a big case in which their involvement will have serious consequences.

Word Count: 4,529

A/N: The summary is vague and doesn’t include the request, because the request itself would give away the ending. This fic was supposed to be a oneshot, but the plot was largely left up to me and I had an idea I thought was fantastic. I didn’t realize it was going to become so long. I think this is part one of three. Anyway... enjoy?

           “Yikes,” you said with a level tone. “Always wear a hard hat, I guess.”

           Ruiz glared at you. “You think this is funny?”

           “Calm down,” Hughes raised his voice to talk over Ruiz and he gave you a hard stare that said not to aggravate the visiting agents. You put your hands up innocently. It wasn’t your fault that Ruiz had such pressable buttons.

           Ruiz glared back at Hughes for all of half a second before he realized he wasn’t going to win that fight, and he used his clicker to make the projector move to the next slide. The crime scene photo went away and was replaced with a candid photograph of a white man in a snug polo with shades over his eyes, hair gelled back.

           “Look, the culprit is Caffrey’s dress sense,” Diana snickered. She earned grins from yourself and Jones and Neal scowled at her from the other side of the table.

           “I resent that.”

           “All of you, shut up,” Hughes commanded, a vein in his forehead looking particularly pink. Everyone from the white collar unit listened and the unit chief gave an aggravated wave of his wrist towards Ruiz, whose agents were all looking either plainly amused or secretly amused and trying to hide it. Neal had always gotten under Eric’s skin, and so did everyone who took Neal’s side by extension. It was funny to see how bent out of shape he could get in such a short time.

           Ruiz clenched his jaw and it looked like he ground his teeth while getting his temper under control. “Seamus Brady,” he said angrily. You still weren’t sure if he was morally outraged by the suspected murderer, or if he was just still being fussy about being ordered to invite Peter and his team onto the case. “43, American, with friends in Ireland and Wales. This bastard works hand-in-hand with suspects on Wall Street we haven’t been able to bag yet, managing a private company and swindling his investors.” He fixed his eyes on you and glared. “Henry Wallace was goin’ to take him to court next month before he ended up with his head bashed in.”

           You just looked back at him. Working in law enforcement, you saw a lot of people do really awful things, and if you let every violent crime get you down, you’d never have been able to do your job for this long. You weren’t going to feel bad for not breaking into tears instead of quipping during the uncomfortable silence following the completely context-free reveal of ugly CSI pictures.

           “You think Brady took Wallace out of the picture because he knew he was going to go down for it,” Peter urged Ruiz to continue, and, because they rarely saw eye-to-eye, Ruiz sent him a disgruntled look before resuming.

           “I’m damn sure of it. Now that Wallace is gone, there’s no one to press charges. Problem is, Brady has got near a dozen people corroborating his alibi for the night this happened, but does that look like an accident to you?”

           “Have you considered he didn’t do it?” Diana asked seriously. “Some people are really unlikeable. It can make a lot of enemies.” You got the distinct impression that she was referring to the number of people in the room who wouldn’t mind popping Ruiz in the jaw once or twice.

           Ruiz glared at her next. The guy needed to loosen up. “I’d consider it if it was worth the time,” he said shortly. “Everyone supporting his alibi’s suspected of getting cuts of his profits.”

           “Ah, the old “you knock mine, I’ll knock yours” method.” Neal nodded with his nose wrinkled in distaste. It was an increasingly commonly-known way of getting alibis to discount a motive, but mostly, the artist had never thought highly of violence, or anyone who resorted to it.

           “Looks like,” Ruiz grudgingly acknowledged. “But instead of waiting for the turnabout, we want to lock this monster up before more bodies start dropping dead in Queens. I’ve already talked to him, so I want your boy to go undercover, Burke.”

           No one commented on the way he referred to Neal. Infantilizing and deriding were pretty much the norm when it came to Ruiz’s interactions with the ex-con, no matter how civil Neal tried to be, and now everyone had stopped batting an eye because it would only fire him up more if you did. Neal certainly didn’t appreciate it, though, and neither did Peter.

           “You just showed us all a picture of the last guy who threatened him,” Peter objected, pointing up at the projection screen. “I can’t send Neal into that without a good plan in place.”

           “I’d prefer you didn’t at all,” Neal interjected dully, looking very aware of the fact that his vote didn’t really count.

           “We got a plan,” Ruiz told Peter, his nostrils flaring from the quick and negative response. “You think your team’s the only one that does any field work? Nah, Burke.” You and Diana both looked at each other at the same time, wondering if Ruiz had intended to rhyme or not. The organized crime agent clicked his remote and the projector went to the next image – some fancy-shmancy residence for the rich you’d never be able to afford to spend a night in, much less live indefinitely. “Every other week these dirtbags get together. It’s probably where we got the best chance of getting something incriminating on them.”

           “So you want Neal to somehow get invited into that high-as-heaven loft and wear a wire,” you predicted, finishing the plan for Ruiz and crossing your arms. Neal mirrored you, also crossing his arms, going off of your tone of voice to figure out that you didn’t like the plan and deciding to lend his support to anyone interested in keeping him out of it. “That’s a long-term op. They have to build rapport before anything happens.”

           “Unless we apply some pressure,” Peter theorized, and immediately, Neal uncrossed his arms and looked at his partner, wounded, as though he were thinking how dare you get on board with this?

           “Let’s be careful where we go applying pressure,” Neal requested pointedly, “Because pressure can be deadly. Especially for me.”

           “It’s good-cop, bad-cop,” Ruiz puffed, putting a hand on his belt. “A crook goes in looking for a legit, high-profile, high-payoff job and a fed makes it seem like the bureau’s gonna get our guy unless he moves faster than we can,” Ruiz finished, ignoring your interruption. “Guy knows the crook’s history, knows he’ll take a risk for a heftier profit, knows he’s got the skill to do it. He takes the chance, except the crook’s on our side, tapped and live.”

           “We’ve done some really similar ones,” you said thoughtfully, recalling a particular case where Neal had gotten himself hired as a political fixer while Peter filled the role of an obstinate, dogged cop. The pressure Peter put on the dirty politician led the man straight to Neal, who, under an alias, pushed things in the right direction. It hadn’t gone exactly to plan, but it had ultimately worked out.

            “It’s this or the guy walks.” Ruiz looked at Peter and almost dared him to disagree. The man had a very aggressive way of cooperating with other agents and you were tempted to ask if he’d ever considered being less of a hardass. Maybe people would like him more. “Chatter says he’s gonna be takin’ a trip out of New York in the next couple months. We don’t try now, we may never get this chance again.”

           Peter didn’t answer right away, looking at the loft on the projector screen and thinking deeply. As you had remembered, the last time this scheme had been used, it almost ended poorly – if Diana weren’t so quick with her gun, she may have been badly injured. However, there was probably not any chance of things going as unexpectedly off the rails as they had that time, and since Neal would be wearing a live transmitter, he could use a safe phrase the moment an attitude shifted the wrong direction. If he had to call it, then the bureau would probably lose the case; Brady would clam up and leave the jurisdiction, if he had any brain cells to rub together. It was unacceptable to let Neal be harmed for the sake of a ploy that may or may not work, so Ruiz was banking on Brady not being quick to anger or turn to violence. It was a brave gamble, considering his entire basis for being so pushy was that someone was already dead.

           “Say I agree,” Peter said slowly, and Ruiz made the hand against his belt into a frustrated fist. “Neal goes under first, gets to know the guy, see his baseline. Then we introduce a federal agent. If he gets agitated, Neal can spot the difference and get out.”

           Ruiz said briskly, “Yeah, duh, if he doesn’t think Caffrey’s an option there’s no point in sending an agent in.”

           “Who plays the agent?” Neal piped up again. “Because I vote it’s not you.”

           “Can’t be you, Ruiz,” you agreed, having Neal’s back. You tended to agree because he was a good strategist. It had nothing to do with a personal dislike for your fellow agent. Nothing at all. “If he’s already seen you, it’s too risky, he might think something’s up.”

           “But if it were a different agent, from a different division…” Jones trailed off and held a hand out like he was saying it could work.

           You nodded, and you, Jones, Diana, and Neal all looked to Peter. Your team leader was often very diplomatic about the choices he made in how to pursue cases, and this was no different. He saw you all seemed prepared to plan the operation, and gave Neal an extra look to make sure that his CI wasn’t completely opposed to the idea. Then the senior agent looked to Ruiz, and Hughes, and nodded assent with a tired sigh.

           “Alright,” Madeline, one of Ruiz’s agents, said, making a note on her laptop. “Burke is the bad cop.”

           “Or is it good cop?” You asked thoughtfully. If the fed in the plan were trying very hard to arrest an embezzler, then wasn’t the cop actually doing his job?

           “Not to Brady,” Neal told you, shaking his head. “Bad cop. Good criminal.”

           “No such thing,” Peter corrected right away.

           Neal pretended not to hear him. “Who’s the good criminal?” He asked, leaning in. “Rydell’s probably burned after last time.”

           “Nick’s got a history with math and money,” you suggested.

           “Nicholas Halden?” Madeline asked, trying to keep up. You kept Neal’s aliases pretty close to the vest for his own safety, but a little bit of word occasionally got around. Offhandedly, you questioned why Ruiz’s agents had been so quiet during the meeting. Maybe they were more afraid of their boss.

           Neal gave a full smile. It wasn’t the real thing – you knew the difference – but it was still an attractive smile, all confident and charismatic. “I think Nick has the time free to fit this into his calendar.”

~~~ Bite ~~~

           You definitely had to give the bureau credit – they could move fast when they wanted to. Nicholas Halden was a ghost most of the time, but the FBI, combined with some work in the shadows on occasion from Neal and Mozzie, kept the man alive through talk and false documents.

           “You’re a lucky man, Nick,” you called as you waved the file over your head, walking over to Neal’s desk and joining him as he readied for his first meeting with Brady. “Costa Rica and the Dominican Republic in the same three months.”

           “What can I say, I have a taste for the Caribbean,” Neal responded with a playful grin. He reached up and took the file from you, then started flipping through it to see what had been added since the last time he took the identity out for a spin.

           You sat down on the edge of his desk and picked up the papers he had been studying. He was intently looking at the most recent public reports on Brady’s company’s finances. A little bit of job research went a long way, no matter who you were applying to. While putting the papers back down on the desk, you caught Neal looking up at you instead of reading Nick’s file and you flashed him a little smile, rolling your shoulders back and sitting straight.

           “Happy with the edits?” You asked, not that you could change them if he wasn’t.

           Neal kept his eyes on you while he answered, “I’m just thinking how lonely it is Nick doesn’t have a partner.” Your heart felt like it skipped a beat and Neal added on, “Nick and Y/N sound good, don’t they?”

           You knew there was a blush on your face but you refused to let an expression of interest go by unrequited, even if he could clearly see the redness in your cheeks. “I can think of a pair that sound just a little better,” you said to him, not looking away from his eyes until you were done talking. Neal and Y/N…

           “I like those,” he said evenly, his face open and sweet. “Y/N-“

           “Neal!” Peter snapped his fingers and both of you jumped a little. You leaned back and wondered exactly when you had started leaning forward. Your boss was standing on the mezzanine, looking exasperated. “What, is your phone dead? Hurry up!” He turned and went back into his office, but his coat was on and so was his holster, so you knew he would be coming out in seconds.

           You cursed his timing, but there wasn’t anything you could do about it. When you and Neal turned back to each other, the moment was gone, and although the mood was still there, it wasn’t the time or place to try to bring the magic back.

           Neal saw the frustration on your face and touched your knee gently. “Later,” he said, standing up. He took out his wallet and started swapping out his ID cards for those of Nick Halden that had been included in the folder.

           “I’m going to hold you to that,” you told him wistfully.

~~~ Bite ~~~

           Diana drew van duty with Peter and Madeline, leaving you in the office with Jones while the rest of your team was in the field. No matter how often it happened, you never got used to the itchy feeling in your legs of sitting around when your teammates were being shot at, for all you knew. (Though you could be reasonably sure they weren’t.)

           It took about half an hour longer than you had expected it to, but it was impossible to tell until you got the call whether that was a good or a bad thing. Sometimes things took longer when there was a better opportunity than expected for building rapport, or even going straight to the throat, so you didn’t get too flustered. Peter eventually called, said that the op had gone well and Neal did good, and that since it was already later in the evening than planned, he, Neal, and Diana were going to head back to their respective houses and work from home. They would relate the details of the afternoon the next day. He invited you and Jones to do the same.

           Jones, who had a girlfriend in his life, took the advantage of an early leave, but you stayed in the office and caught yourself looking at Neal’s empty desk more than a couple of times. No matter how much you had observed it already, it still surprised you just how much you missed Neal when he was gone. The thief felt like a more necessary part of the office than the chairs or the lights or the cheap and gross office coffee, which really sucked because one day he wasn’t going to be here. Whatever he chose to do after the anklet came off, he wasn’t eligible to be an FBI agent – his days in the office were numbered, no matter how well his work-release went. And it was going to be really hard adjusting to work without him.

           “Good thing that’s still a long time away,” you told yourself, leaning back into your chair and letting out a long sigh. Still, it wasn’t the best thing in the world that your thoughts kept drifting back to him when you should have been working. You blamed it on the warmth in your knee, where it felt like his hand was still touching you. His gaze caressing your face. Voice soft and words just for you.

           Yeah. You had it bad.

~~~ Bite ~~~

           Peter briefed you all in the conference room the next morning, alongside Ruiz, Madeline, and the other two agents Ruiz had picked for the collaboration, whose names you learned were Matt and Damien. Nick’s interview with Brady went exceptionally well. From what Neal could tell, he was the most qualified applicant and Brady had been particularly interested when he’d been deflecting questions about the hedge fund he had briefly worked for. (Said hedge fund had been part of an older case in which Neal pretended to be a corporate spy and almost got killed for it.)

           Now that Neal was in your mark’s good graces, you had to take the biggest gamble of all and decide how long was long enough to wait before sending Peter in to make Brady jumpy. It was a balancing act of factors. On one hand, a greater time gap made Brady’s introductions to Neal and Peter appear less connected and gave him more time to reach out to Neal to build a stronger rapport, increasing the odds of him going to Neal when Peter started waving the hammer over his head. On the other, if you waited too long, then the risks increased that Brady would look too deeply into Neal’s cover. There were a lot of ways that it could fall apart – he could find out that the manager of that hedge fund was now in a federal prison; he could do a reverse image search of Nick’s face and come up with Neal’s pictures from when the FBI had him on their website; he could try to talk to shadowy contacts and realize that very few people had actually seen Nick in person over the last six or so years.

           “I haven’t heard anything from him,” Neal announced, but his posture was relaxed. It had been less than a day. “Give him time to come to me. I say if he doesn’t do it on his own by Monday, then we go in.”

           “How quickly does he make his decisions?” Peter asked, looking to Ruiz instead of Neal, even though only one of them had a friendly relationship with the man in question.

           Ruiz curled his lip. “Can’t say. It’s hard to find any intel on this guy. He covers his tracks.”

           Before Peter could say anything, you were already guessing his priorities. “On it, boss,” you promised, opening up your laptop. Digging up information on slimy businessmen was one of your favorite ways to spend your work day, just on the off chance that something particularly scandalous came up that you could use against them.

           “Get Diana to help you,” he said, pointing at Diana as the other female agent let out a soft sigh of complaint before taking her own computer out of its bag. “Di-“

           “I get it,” she cut him off. “I already got my excitement. Out of the van with me.” She smirked slightly as she said it.

           “And into the van with me,” Jones dryly said. It was no secret that the only person who hated the van more than Jones was Neal. “Yippee.”

           Peter frowned at both Diana and Jones in turn before continuing with the conference. When you all came out of it twenty minutes later, there wasn’t much new on your docket. Unfortunately, you couldn’t stop everything and only pursue one person when there were so many other cases waiting to be investigated. It wasn’t to the point that this one was prioritized highly enough that Peter and Ruiz could justify having almost ten agents working on nothing else.

           What you did have was the decision that, if Brady hadn’t reached out to Neal by Monday, then Peter would go in on Tuesday; if he had, then you would re-evaluate the following workday. In the meantime, Neal was to keep his head down and minimize his chances of being seen in public as much as possible while you and Diana were to continue trying to find any more background information on Seamus Brady.

           While you worked on both the Brady case and your other cases, you tried to catch spare time to fulfill the promise of talking later with Neal, but the opportunity was just out of reach. You were busy when he wasn’t and vice versa, and because of how deep he was in the undercover portion of the operation, he was spending his lunches with either Peter or Ruiz, being debriefed and making statements. By the time the end of the day was near, everyone on Peter’s team was just tired, and between your irritable temperament when you were tired and Neal’s tendency to be more guarded when he was stressed, you had both seemed to agree that it was better not to touch the subject yet. The weekend was especially needed for recuperating after the work days, and since Neal was being holed up safely away from any risk of sighting or scrutiny, you knew you shouldn’t be heading over to his penthouse during the case, anyway. It was disappointing, but the bottom line was that your “later” didn’t come that week.

           Although you had Neal weighing on your mind, your weekend was pretty relaxing. You grabbed a couple of naps, started reading a new book, and walked your neighbor’s dog for a little bit of exercise and homemade lasagna. By Monday morning, you were ready to go back to work and deal with whatever had happened since Friday.

           It turned out that there were no new developments. Honestly, it wasn’t shocking. Working for the FBI was rarely as glamorous as people tended to think. Neal reported no contact from Brady, and so Ruiz and Peter began working up a tweaked profile of Peter’s work history in order to suit the purpose of his role in the con (no, not con, operation. Peter was very picky about that). That was going to occur Tuesday, right before lunch, and it would be a quick in-and-out of attempted police intimidation.

           Then they turned the attention back to Brady, who he was and what he had done, and you and Diana had a lot of small things to report but no major discoveries. It was like Brady had suddenly come into being nine years ago, which made you suspect that it was probably a stolen identity, but you had exhausted all possible avenues for finding out who he had been before then. According to Neal, he spoke like an American, but you couldn’t find a social security number and now you weren’t totally sure that he wasn’t undocumented, which only made the situation messier.

           That conference lasted until eleven, and just as it ended, you met Neal’s eyes as you both stood up. He gave you a small smile, almost like he was inviting your attention, and you made an equally small gesture with your hand towards the door, asking him if he wanted to leave with you, maybe get lunch together. He had just started to nod when Peter brought his hand down on his shoulder, not noticing that he was interrupting.

           “You, me, my office,” he said. You looked down – you couldn’t fight the boss over Neal’s time when you were both on the clock.

           “You know,” Neal said, sounding a little stiff. It was gratifying to know that he didn’t like it much, either. It had been almost a week since the incident that wasn’t really any sort of incident at all, but possibly could have become one. “Sometimes humans eat lunch at this time of day.”

           “The Domino’s menu is downloaded to my computer,” Peter replied, missing the point and shepherding Neal out of the conference room.

           The artist caught your eye as he went past and grimaced. You nodded sympathetically, understanding.

           And your time still didn’t come at all on Monday, with Peter insisting on triple-checking everything he and Neal had related to each other about Brady, what he might be doing, and how best to get under his skin. You knew the case was important, but damn. At five in the evening, Peter clocked out (not really – you didn’t work on time cards). You knew that El made Peter come home on time with Neal and had them both sit down and eat a full meal every Monday, so you didn’t even bother hoping that Peter was leaving alone. You left not long after.

           Tuesday morning wasn’t your friend. Traffic made your commute to work particularly slow and you got there a few minutes later than you would have liked. Another case task force conference drilled everything into your head until you could’ve recited it in your sleep, and then Ruiz, Matt, Peter, and Neal all left for the next stage of the scheme. You really weren’t sure why Neal needed to go, but at this point, it was probably your irritation talking, not the thorough agent you worked hard to be. When they all returned, both bosses gathered their respective underlings into the same conference room for another update which lasted through the lunch break, and since your entire morning had been spent on one case, you were then told to spend your afternoon and early evening working on the rest of your caseloads to compensate.

           You wanted to strangle Peter. You didn’t meddle in his marriage. In fact, you supported his marriage and sometimes offered advice on presents or gestures for Elizabeth, and this was how he repaid you? By making it his life’s mission to ensure that you never, ever got any private time with Neal ever again, right after it finally seemed like the playful workplace flirting was going to result in something more meaningful?

           With enough hurrying, you managed to power through a good half-day’s effort with about ten minutes left before five. You took another look at the clock on your computer, relieved you made it. Ten minutes was enough for a conversation. Ten minutes was –

           You looked up to see if Neal was done, and he wasn’t even at his desk. After looking around for him with exasperation, you spotted him up in Peter’s office. You couldn’t see the thief’s face, but you could see Peter’s, and the seriousness of his expression made you want to throw your hands up in the air. You knew that look. It was the serious breakthrough look.

           Brady had been intimidated into contacting Neal.

~~~~~~

~~~~~~

A/N: Remember, there is at least one more part to this story and possibly two, so keep your eyes peeled!

If you like my writing and would be interested in skipping the request queue, please consider checking out the details of my Ko-Fi commissions here or go straight to my Ko-Fi page here. Imagines are $1, oneshots start at $4, and a story of this length would be just about $8.

[empiregalaxy]

Leaving Tumblr

Dear Tumblr, 

The cliche goes 'this is a hard post to write.' Well, it's not. This is very easy to write. I'm leaving Tumblr, and you should too. Here's why.

I joined this social media site in 2012, as I was drawn to discussing films. Soon, I got into 'fandoms', mainly Buffy The Vampire Slayer and A Song Of Ice And Fire. For the first few years, there was no problem. Well, except one. Let's call her 'MN.' MN and I met on Yahoo Answers, and we shared private e-mails. I felt safe around her, and I confided in her some of my secrets. She helped me when a Tumblr user were sending sexually crass messages to me. During a time when my social life was falling apart, she helped me. Then one day, she stopped talking to me. She didn't block or unfollow me, but she pretended that I didn't exist. No replies to my friendly comments (she'd reply to everyone else).

 At the time, I thought I did something wrong. But now I realise she was a coward who didn't have the guts to tell me that she no longer wanted to be my friend. That's the thing about Tumblr. It's full of cowards, who lack the intellectual or moral ability to confront their 'friends.'  And when you mention that, they convince you that the problem lies with you.

So I moved away from the film fandom. 

During the next few years, I get more involved in the ASOIAF fandom, particularly the Arya Stark section. And yeah, I was an SJW (vomit!). I would write posts about Arya, how sucky the Sansa fandom was. But overtime, I saw a shift. What started as simple, light-hearted bashing of Sansa fans turned sinister. They 'controlled' the fandom and the mods at ASOIAF university. Looking back it, I want to tell them that Arya and Sansa are both fictional characters. They aren't real. But the Sansa fans you were bashing and calling names, spreading lies about? They are. I often say that 'Tumblr treats real people like fictional characters, and fictional characters like real people.' It's true. All of these characters that you care about... they aren't real. And people don't have to treat them like they are. 

So I 'defect' from the Arya fandom. And oh boy did they turn on me. Some are more slower than others, and they tell me that the reason why they didn't block me immediately was because 'they didn't want to hurt my feelings.' That's utter bullshit. They did it because they were scared of the fallout. They were cowards. But once they did block me, they'd post lies about me. That I was a stalker. That I was a bad person. I was open slather once they decided that I was no longer one of them. That's the thing about Tumblr: it's tribal. People think there actions are morally justified, if the person receiving them is 'bad.' Everything about me was insulted, even my gifsets.

A user who was particularly vicious was Marie. She and I were mutuals for well over 18 months. But she'd call me a bad person, a creep, mentally ill, an evil Reylo or whatever. Worse, was that these Arya stans were discussing me on Twitter. When I exposed them, I only had my closest mutuals at the time supporting me. (I had over 2,000 followers. Only 3 bothered to ask if I was okay). Users I never heard of suddenly had 'hot takes' about me. 

Lies were spread about me, non stop. I realised that not only was this behaviour permitted on Tumblr, but it was actively rewarded.

And it was all over a FUCKING FICTIONAL CHARACTER. 

This happened in 2016, which involved Brexit and the presidental election of Donald Trump. Look, I believe in free speech. I don't care if you are for or against them. Personally, I despise the European Union and if I were American, yeah, I could have voted Republican. But that's irrelevant. Tumblr users were so unhappy with those results, that anyone who did like Trump and Farage were labelled all the awful names in the book. Racist. Sexist. Nazi. Not only did this teach me that Tumblr users have no idea what those words mean, but that they are willing to use them liberally in order to gain power. Looking back at it, I'm glad Trump won. I'm glad Brexit happened. Not only because of politics, but it meant that you guys LOST. You better get used to that feeling, because if you continue to treat people the way you treated me, that feeling will soon be the only thing you know. 

A common misconception in the media is that Tumblr users act like 'SJWs' because they are young and ignorant. I mean, sure. But Tumblr users act like SJWs because they are fundamentally, cultish in nature and adhere to a hideous morality. I study Modern History, and a big part of that is empathy. What motivates someone to join the SS? Or run a gulag? Or torture someone? I manage to answer those questions, with relative ease. But I still have no idea why Tumblr users are so nasty and stupid. Like, none of you know shit about anything. 

The breaking point, when I realised 'we are all fucked' was when neo-Nazi Richard Spencer got punched. Look, I disagree with EVERYTHING Antifa and the Alt-right do. Celebrating any form of political violence leads to a nasty path. One day you are celebrating some one getting punched, and the next, you are cheering people getting slaughtered. People should never be CELEBRATED for violence. There is no moral justification for it. And you guys are too stupid to figure out that once all the 'Nazis' are gone, you are next to be sent to the gulag. You see yourself as distributing justice, but never receiving punishment. And oh, that is going to hurt you long term.

I would subtely mention why Spencer getting punched was wrong. But people on Tumblr were saying 'if anyone doesn't support Antifa, they should get punched too.' That's utter tyranny, and its something a Nazi would do. Since 2017, the countless violence by AntiFa is astounding. And Tumblr cheers it on like its a fucking joke. Like the real world is a theatre, and we are all patrons in the globe. Well, I've got news for you. The world doesn't exist for your pleasure. People don't have to act in certain ways to make you happy. The universe is not a 'safe space.' And you have the arrogant audacity to think you can bully it into changing.

Worse, was that I was fearful to speak out against it. That's utter evil. I understood the meaning of the term 'self-censorship' and since then, have become a free speech advocate.

Of course, no letter about leaving Tumblr would be complete without mentioning Lindsay. Oh Lindsay. We were friends for 2 years, and then I said a historical fact (that the Nazis persecuted people beyond Jewish people) and she flipped out. She blocked me, sent me anon hate, and told all the Reylos to block me. And you know what? Alot did. I was put on hit and block lists. 

Now, anyone who has studied World War II history knows that I am right. But because Tumblr is contrived of people who can't put Austria on a map, I was attacked and slandered. Lindsay would try to bully my friends into blocking me. They obviously refused. But Lindsay probably does the same shit to other people. Good thing she's a boring basic bitch with no personality, who has the charisma of a rock, because people with her mindset can really hurt people. She'll probably call me a 'Holocaust revisionist' for making fun of her. 

I honestly don't care what she thinks of me. I don't care what Marie thinks of me. They will probably interpret me leaving Tumblr as a victory of sorts. And yeah, I'm gone from Tumblr. But I'm not gone from this world. I will continue to live, to write, to create, to argue. I know I matter. I know I'm a good person capable of a positive impact. I am not what you think I am, and I never will be.

You will always have the knowledge that I am out there, being me, being different and weird, and changing the world. Whilst you, are stuck on a computer screen, bullying people who think differently than you.

That's a bloody victory for me, and a sore loss for you. Although I am leaving, I will not delete this blog. I want people to comb through it, and study it. And learn. See my flaws, and know that it possible to leave Tumblr, and still have a good fucking life. 

Goodbye Tumblr. Madeleine.

PS: I will say that the Sansa fandom and (some) parts of the Reylo fandom has been kind to me. It's sad to leave, because I will miss them. If you are one of them and you'd like to maintain contact, send me an e-mail at snowyfictions@gmail.com and I'll give you my Facebook, Twitter or personal e-mail.

[cmykayleena]

cf-sims is thinking about deleting her profiles because of you. How does that make you feel? What you and your clique did to her after you banned her unfairly from your server is absolutely terrible. What cause do you have to attack her so hard for? The ban wasn't enough for you? I've reported your twitter and tumblr, and I'm not going to stop until you realize how wrong you are and how much you hurt her. Fuck you!!!

This is getting quite ridiculous. First let me say that I have the right to ban anyone from my server as I see fit. Second I will say that I am a pretty fair person and only ban when I absolutely have to. THIRD - she wasn’t banned because we disagreed with her opinion; she was banned for bashing the server - which, might I add, is against the rules of the server. Let’s get deep into this, because I’m getting fucking sick of this shit and the hate messages I have received for my decision to ban her. (I apologize to everyone who follows me who doesn’t want to see drama on their dashboard. I’m not one for drama so it severely upsets me that I have to make this post. However, this will be the ONLY post I make on this subject.)

Read on if you want, and I ask anyone who does to make your own judgement on this, because I’m not here to sway anyone from one side to another but it’s clear that both sides of the story need to be brought to the surface.

Thursday afternoon is when CF-Sims was banned from S4MM. It started with a member asking for opinions on whether or not it was okay to share CC in a zip folder when uploading a sim for others to download. The consensus was no and afterwards CF added her opinion which was the opposite of the majority. Here are the screenshots:

So in the next screenshot CF derails the subject in what some believe to be an attempt to question my rules. They believe she was preparing to call me out for being a hypocrite when it comes to swearing. I swear on my Tumblr but I don’t allow excessive swearing in my server.

At this point I’m tired of the subject interrupting the main channel and people’s conversations so I shut it down (plus I’m at work during this time and can’t really pull myself away).

Some time passes and I’m shown a tweet that CF posted a few hours after I shut down the debate on creator TOUs vs EA’s TOUs on CC.

So, she calls me a hypocrite because I curse on my Tumblr all the time but don’t allow it in my server. But let me correct her perspective: I curse all the time on Tumblr (all the time outside of the computer) and don’t allow excessive cursing in my server. It’s a place for all ages, therefor cursing should be to a minimum if it’s used at all. So I banned her with this message:

Admittedly I let my frustration get the best of me, and so the ban reason resulted in me mimicking her post on Twitter. We’re all human, and none of us are perfect. After this I thought it would be done and over with, but my sassy ban caused her to go on a tirade of sorts. In the screenshot below you’ll see her next tweet and the responses from some of the mods.

So she gets a few more replies from some of my moderators telling her why she was truly banned and she proceeds with another tweet.

After a couple more responses she deletes her three tweets:

She continues on in her replies to her followers who commented on her tweets calling us rabid dogs, children, and hypocrites all while being a hypocrite herself. I’m being shown all these tweets at this point and just hoping it all blows over. Some people act out when they’re moderated, some don’t. It’s just what you have to expect when you run and/or moderate a Discord server, no matter the size.

I’m not Twitter savvy, so these next screenshots I share may be out of order, sorry for that. (I’m also not blacking out the names of other people - not to rope them in and get them involved - but because anyone can get on Twitter and see these replies. They’re all public.

Name calling and judgement I’m assuming is due to my ban message saying that other members are kind, respectful, and generally decent people. I mean, I’m not lying. 99% of the members in my server are great people! Of course there are going to be some bad eggs in the mix - it’s the internet, it’s inevitable. On to more screenshots.

Key points here: My mods are rabid dogs at this point. I apparently have a clique, and CF didn’t attack us for our views. Let’s pull up that original tweet.

And on we go.

In response to the reply at the top of the screenshot. Feel free to temporarily join my server and judge for yourself if it has a high school vibe. I basically have an open door policy. You don’t agree with something I do in my server, my mods, or how something is handled you can come to me and let me know and I will do everything I can to make sure we’re on equal ground. Now, in that last reply the controversial view is the thing she continues to ride out in this scenario. She thinks it’s fine to upload a zip file on all CC used on a sim or in a lot and share it while giving credit to the creator rather than just linking to all the CC. Kind of a shitty thing to do, but she’s got free speech and her actions and words speak for themselves.

She pretty much is petty at this point and going against the character I think SHE believes she has. At this point it’s pretty clear to me what her character is.

Yea.. she totally moved on. Here I am rolling my eyes very dramatically.

I don’t think I’ve ever given my true age - I’ve just said I’m an adult player. I’m 34, for the record. All my mods range from in their 20s to my age.

So she just goes on, responding to every person and repeating herself.

Are you looking at the timestamp of these tweets? Apparently she’s got plenty of time for this.

So Friday comes along and I decide to open Tumblr when I have some downtime at work.

At this point I’m getting pissed. Why? Because I let her have her little rant all over Twitter without getting involved. My moderators were amazing and stuck up for me without being asked - there really wasn’t a reason for me to get involved and continue this very petty and ridiculous drama. But here I am, with a hateful anon. So I turned off anon asks and deleted this one without replying.

So I take a look at CF’s Twitter and see this:

Now she’s truly spouting lies at this point because I literally told her that excessive cursing is not allowed while cursing isn’t prohibited. I mean, the proof is there in the screenshots! At this point she’s just… laying it on super thick and I’ve had it. I decide it’s time for me to get involved and set the record straight. If only it were that simple.

I don’t have many screenshots for this because I was focused on correcting her lies and even directly responding to people in her threads to make sure they see the truth and judge for themselves what’s right and what’s not. I retweet her deleted tweet first and respond with this. And from here I will leave you to do what the internet does best and dig as deep as you can and want to in these Twitter profiles.

Here’s mine, and here are my replies. A lot of my replies include screenshots of my rules to clarify the swearing and why she was banned without warning.Here are the replies to my ‘clique of rabid dogs’ that attacked her so aggressively before I finally started responding to her: 1, 2, 3, and 4.Here are CF-Sims’ replies.

Note that absolutely NONE of us harass her, none of us call her names, and none of us actually act like rabid dogs.Take this information and judge for yourself what you think is true and what’s not right. I’m not here to sway you one way or another, but to shed the PROPER light on the situation as a whole. 

This is my only post about this. Any anon hate will be deleted, any hate from alternate Tumblrs will be deleted. Yes I’m serious about a lawyer because I don’t put up with lies and slander. And yea… sorry I have to clog up your feeds with this bullshit drama.

[takarter]

Supercorp college AU?? Thank you!

My first prompt!! Thank you! I wrote this some time ago, but here you go. Enjoy :)

Kara’s all grimaces and fingers struggling not to destroy her red solo cup as she makes her way through crowds of sweaty bodies, and mumbles excuses as she goes along. They’re answered with no more than giggles and laughter and inappropriate offers, and suddenly she understands why Alex had advised her to sneak in some alcoholic beverages suited for aliens.

Between dancing friends and people she’s never seen before, Kara finds an empty spot on what turns out to be a moderately comfortable couch. Though it’s the guy sitting on it, right next to her, that reminds Kara of how notably too sober she still is. Instead she watches this all unfold without any intoxication to make up for a lack of respect, or actual things to do. There’s only so many dance-moves Kara can pull off - forced onto the makeshift dance floor by no other than Alex - while being fully aware of how stupid she must look. And there are only so many conversations she can have with people much more inebriated before she realizes they’re all the same, and all equally as boring and insignificant.

The guy next to Kara won’t stop talking about the hot chick - Alex - dancing amongst some of his friends, the terrible music pounds in Kara’s ears, and whatever liquid she’s put into her cup tastes bitter and, quite frankly, unappealing without the added bonus of getting to enjoy this evening a little more. And Kara hates frat parties. She knows now why she’s never attended one before. 

“That’s my sister,” Kara points out one more time, after one comment about beautifully swaying hips too much. She glares at him, too, just for good measure.

 His gaze is resting on Alex’s frame, and he barely picks up on it, merely grins. “Think she’d let me hit that?” 

Kara groans, and downs her drink simply because of the message it usually seems to convey. She’s done with this conversation, and she’s done with this party. 

“She’s a lesbian.” 

His goofy grin merely falters. Only then does Kara nudge his shoulder and point out someone else to him. Sam, one hand playing with short auburn hair, the other holding a cup of her own. Almost as tightly as Kara’s holding hers. 

“And see that girl?” she asks. Kara makes sure he’s spotted Sam before she keeps on going, and she makes sure that he’s picked up on her malicious gaze as well. “The one that’s currently glaring at you? That’s her girlfriend.” 

Kara emphasizes each key word in hopes he might understand, eventually, how incredibly unwanted his attention is. But he doesn’t, and so Kara gives up. She pats his shoulder in pity before she lets Alex know she’ll get out of there for a while, come back later to make sure both her and Sam end up getting home safely. And almost she feels guilty for the way Alex’s upturned lips fall, and her head tilts to one side in question. 

She explains it’s just not her thing, and how she feels uncomfortable - how she’d rather be in her dorm right in that moment. How she’d rather be outside stargazing, or in one of the empty rooms of the frat house that’s not currently occupied by some drunk couple, doing things Kara would rather not think about. 

In the end she settles for latter, and if only because a certain drunk guy has seemingly deemed it his mission to follow her. With a newly filled cup Kara escapes up the stairs, tries several rooms and sighs in relief when she finally stumbles upon an unlocked one. 

She sneaks into it, closes the door behind her, leans against it with closed eyes. The music’s still decidedly too loud, though muffled and dull, and somehow she can’t help but grin. That is, until she opens her eyes - and finds that she’s not as alone as she’d previously hoped to be. The thought-to-be-empty bedroom is not all that empty after all, and Kara can feel the warmth spread up her neck as she looks at the girl now eyeing her curiously.

“Oh, hi.” Pulled out of her stupor - but not entirely, this girl is pretty -, Kara manages to wave with her free hand and gather herself up enough to then extend it as she takes a few steps closer. She’s about to shake this girl’s hand, at a party, but suddenly there’s that familiar upturn of now dry lips. “Wait, I know you! Chemistry. Lena, right?” 

Kara finds little comfort in no longer being the only one to blush, and yet she does enjoy wide eyes and a bashful smile. “You know me?” 

“Of cour-” 

“You’re Kara Danvers.” 

Kara thinks that somehow the tone of Lena’s voice indicates this simple statement to mean something more, but she hasn’t just yet gotten behind it as she gets comfortable on the bed, proceeds to look at Lena. “Yeah.” 

“And you know me.” Again, Kara doesn’t quite know what that’s supposed to mean. 

“And you’re studying at a party,” she shoots back instead, grins when Lena closes her book instinctively, and takes off her thick rimmed glasses. Kara regrets having said anything at all. It’s only now that she properly takes note of books, and pens, and a cup of coffee on the floor next to the other girl. Kara finds it all to be incredibly endearing. 

Lena shrugs and takes a sip. “Lame, I know.” 

But Kara shakes her head, disagrees wholeheartedly and then laughs. “Don’t go around calling any of this lame, now that there’s two of us.” 

“What are you doing here anyways, Kara Danvers?” Lena draws out her name in a manner that might almost be teasing. Pale cheeks adapt a complimenting shade of red once more. “Football captain. Most popular girl on campus. Shouldn’t you be partying with your friends?” 

“If by friends you mean my intoxicated sister, her girlfriend, and some creepy dude that won’t stop hitting on either of us, sure.” 

Lena hums in understanding, smiles knowingly, picks up her books again. Kara doesn’t mind, merely watches in something that might come close to fascination. Perhaps she is drunk, after all. She certainly feels giddy, can barely stop the upward rising of lips. Once again she downs her drink, and hopes Lena does not mind her presence. 

“So you’re staying here instead?” Lena asks, and Kara nods softly in response. With its relative silence, a comfortable bed and a definitive lack of people, this room is certainly better than any of the crowded ones downstairs. Having Lena’s company is a surprising yet welcome bonus, if she’ll have her. 

“I’d love t-”

There’s loud knocking on the door then, and a voice that is distinctively Sam’s. Kara’s mad at the interruption, though only for all of one second, before the words catch up with her. 

“Kara, you in there? Alex is sick, we better get her out of here.” The door opens slowly and Sam peaks inside carefully. “You’re not sleeping with someone in there, are you?” 

Kara blushes, stumbles over words. Lena is the one who answers with a mocking “nope, we’re just studying”, Kara already a few steps across the room. Sam’s gaze as it meets her own is sceptical and adorned with raised eyebrows, but Kara merely shrugs, goofy grin still set in place. 

She’s not quite sure what compels her to turn around once more. To apologize for her sudden appearance, as well as her sudden departure, sure. Though she doesn’t know why exactly she now also deems it logical to follow up an adventurous evening with something that is quite frankly reckless. 

“Hey Lena? Just in case you ever need a study partner agai-” 

Sam pulls her out of the room before she can finish, and soon Kara’s back amongst people. The music’s still bad, even more so now that there’s no door to muffle it, and the floor is sticky with alcohol. Alex is stuck in one of the bathrooms, and Kara knows it’ll be a long night when she takes a proper look at both her and Sam. 

And yet all she can think about is green eyes, and how she’d like to see them again in a setting less gross.

[putschki1969]

A reply

vyselegendaire I don't know why there is bad blood between CPM and Putschki.  Each forum has its plus and minus.  CPM forums have had trolls, but since its a forum I feel people have a chance to be a bit more expressive of their opinions, and thus there is negativity, but frankly its mostly in the forum of  humor and farce.  There are almost no dedicated haters on the site who don't wish to see more great music from our favorite artists.

vyselegendaire Additionally, amidst all of the complaints of negativity and dreariness, lest we forget the scourge of censorship - which is on the rise across the internet - before we cast shade on those we disagree with as being bad.  Censorship and content removal is the tool of tyrants since time immemorial and don't think you are immune, ask

vyselegendaire Just ask Solzhenitsyn

Hi there!

I thought it best to make a proper reply post because I have a few things to say in response to your comments. These comments were made on THIS post here where I am talking about online fandoms in general....It took me a while to get back to you, sorry about that.

All right everyone, strap in for a LONG (and slightly petty) reply...

It feels like in all my previous replies I have been talking to a wall…I have said it before and I am gonna say it one more time, there is no war between myself and CPM, there is no ancient feud and I wouldn’t even say there is any “bad blood” between us. I haven’t really engaged with any particular member enough for there to be “bad blood“. My main issue with CPM is that I do not enjoy the toxic atmosphere over there. Why would I willingly subject myself to all that negativity? I might be the only one out there that feels this way but I wanna ENJOY my fandom. All the nitpicking, bickering, gossiping, bullying and bashing, it’s utterly exhausting and it sucks the life right out of me. I don’t wanna waste my time engaging in polemic discourse and childish quarrels day in day out. I mean, even responding to all those recent asks/messages has been utterly exhausting because I feel like I have been put on trial for simply wanting to be a decent human being.

CPM has had a few trolls....? No kidding....Please don’t get me started on the trolls.... I haven’t even been active on CPM but I still had to deal with them. Why you ask? Because we have had at least two people from CPM terrorise the tumblr fandom in the past….those trolls actually made the effort to come here and cause turmoil just for the fun of it…that’s how fucked up they are...As you can imagine, I wasn’t impressed…

Unlike you, I just don’t see the merits of posting on CPM. Yes, I have been in some lovely forums in the past and they certainly do offer a few advantages but when it comes to CPM, the negative aspects far outweigh the positive ones. Yes, a forum is better suited to interact with people but then again, I have plenty of ways to interact with fellow fans here as well. And if we are being honest, I am not the type of fan that actively seeks out interaction, especially not with people who suffer from a serious case of entitlement. You could call it a pet-peeve of mine but I really can’t stand it when fans act all entitled as if they were owed something. And you know what’s the worst thing about it? The most annoying entitled haters on CPM are usually people who are not invested in the fandom at all! Yes, they are very much invested when it comes to hating on and complaining about stuff but aside from that I don’t see them do anything else “productive”. They just sit back and let other people do the work. They don’t bother to seek out new information, they wait for someone else to do it.... Most also don’t bother to learn Japanese in order to get a better understanding, they wait for someone else to make all the translations or they just pretend to know everything and come to absurd conclusions which usually results in heaps of misunderstandings... Often they refuse to buy releases, they would much rather wait for downloads in order to then declare they are happy they didn’t spend a fortune on that since it’s trash anyways...They also typically don’t attend any lives but they are more than happy to complain from the distance... It baffles me how people like that have the nerve to act so entitled even though they don’t show an ounce of support.

There is another reason I do not wish to interact with a majority of the people on CPM. Many of them find pleasure in ridiculing me. I know everyone over there is making fun of me for being a “pussy”, for playing “Kalafina-police”, for apparently seeing everything through “rose-tinted glasses”. It seems like in their eyes nothing I write can be taken seriously because I am neither “honest” nor “objective”. I guess in this day and age you have to be a disrespectful asshole for people to consider you “honest/objective” and for someone to actually pay attention to you... But really, that’s just not who I am. I have zero tolerance when it comes to any sort of bashing of the people I adore and respect under the guise of so called “constructive criticism” and I do not wish to interact with anyone who thinks that’s okay. And before anyone misinterprets what I am saying, no, I am not implying that Kalafina are above criticism or that every kind of criticism is bad, that’s not the case at all...but as I have pointed out numerous times, it’s all about HOW you criticise...

As for your point about being able to be more expressive in a forum, that is completely untrue. Nothing is stopping me from being as expressive as I want to be on this site. Free expression does not equate negativity, if you think the opportunity to express yourself is somehow a free pass for being an asshole then you are wrong.

“There are almost no dedicated haters on the site who don't wish to see more great music from our favorite artists” Uhmm...and that somehow absolves them of all their wrong-doings? NO! This statement makes me really angry because it embodies the fucked-up mindset of so many haters in fandom. At one point in the past I used to like it so that gives me the right to bash on everything now and I refuse to find something else because I know for sure that one day they will create the exact thing that I want. THIS is how these people think...And it leads me right back to the point I made about entitlement. Throughout many years these fans have created an unattainable image in their mind. Everything that’s not in line with that idea is automatically written off as trash... Fact is it is very unlikely they will ever get what they want. So consumed with bitterness and hatred it’s almost impossible for these people to see greatness in anything. It’s a vicious cycle and the only way to escape is to move on to another fandom.

Your second comment is a tad over-dramatic wouldn’t you agree? It also sounds like a low-key threat and I really don’t appreciate that. I am very much aware that I am not immune to censorship but I am not sure what your point is. Are you trying to tell me that my only chance to avoid cencorship is to relocate to CPM? No thanks. I would rather find another platform or get my own website. Also, I have invested way too much into this tumblr blog, it’s not something I can simply give up and move on. I know many tumblr users have relocated to other platforms as a sort of protest but I will definitely not do that. If things become worse I will have to think of something but as of right now, I can live with the situation on tumblr. Let’s see what the future holds...

I guess instead of replying to questions about CPM you want me to write essays about censorship on tumblr which is - according to you - the very scourge of humanity? Sorry, I am not the type to use my blog for political statements. Yeah, I will admit, things have been a bit troublesome on tumblr but it’s certainly not as bad as some people make it out to be... I don’t necessarily agree with the methods they are using but they are par for the course...And I definitely wouldn’t compare the regulations that are implemented on this website (however sloppy they may be) to actual censorship that has happened and is still happening to people in the “real world”.

Okay, I think that’s it for me...

[sadisim]

Coming full circle: 2 years later

I want to start off this post by saying that this is no tea, shade, drama, subpost or whatever other name you want to find for this. This is my most sincere and last message that I will post on my blog. This is why I want to apologize in advance for the ridiculous length of this and I want every reader to be considerate, understanding, open and as objective as they possibly can in this matter.

I will not tolerate any hate sent towards me or the person I am about to mention nor any curious anons asking to “spill the tea” or anything of that nature. If you have any questions my inbox is always open and you are free to directly message me to discuss further. ^_^ /)

Now that we got that out of the way... I will tell you all a little story about my relationship with Frankie (gruesim or simplyimaginarypeople, however you want to call her)

If any of y’all simblr veterans know me for a long time, you surely know I’ve been here for about 6 years or so. I joined this website when I was around 13 years of age, and naturally as any 13 year old I immediately looked up to people who were more talented than me. One of those very people was Frankie herself. I respected her highly, admired her for all her hard work, discipline, talent for meshing from the very beginning and I am extremely thankful to her for all the help she has offered me throughout the years. 

I wanted to be like her. I wanted to mesh and have something to give to Simblr. I wanted to become popular and cool and constantly compared myself to her. Like any teenager would when they admire someone older than them.

You can imagine I grew up with time and I became less and less of a child, maturing and forming my own opinions etc. But I was still pretty gullible and easy to fool back then. So I blindly trusted Frankie and supported her in everything she did, no matter what other people around me were telling me about her. Above all I considered her a friend. A very close one that is. But I am never sure what she considered me to be. I don’t blame her though, I was pretty stupid and annoying when she knew me back then so I don’t mind it at all. However I wish that she had explicitly told me instead. I was always supportive and I remember all of our chats ran dry most of the time with me constantly asking her how she’s doing, admiring and supporting her and her being very distant and cold. I remember at some point she mentioned she cares for me as a friend but I felt like at the time that she didn’t truly mean it.  I never knew if she were like this just with me or if she was like that with everyone. But she was absolutely impossible to approach on my end. At least that’s what a teenager me thought at that time. I can be completely wrong about this. And that’s fine.

Growing up more and more I came to terms with the fact that maybe she just disliked me for some reason I didn’t know. Maybe I was too young for her to be friends with, maybe we had a communication barrier of sorts. So I slowly drifted away…running from my problems instead of confronting her.

That was my biggest mistake and fault.

I wish I had the power then that I have now, to confront people directly and tell them how I feel with no filters or sugarcoating.

But back then sugarcoating was the safest form of escape for me. There is nothing sweeter than pretending everything is okay when it isn’t, just to get away from an uncomfortable situation. All of y’all socially anxious people definitely know what I mean by this.

Sugarcoating was my second and most fatal mistake of all within our relationship.

I fully assume my wrongdoings and past mistakes and I want to let you know that I have realized what I did not do right back then. If I could turn back time I would do something entirely different, but that’s not possible. We learn from our past, don’t we? That’s what  I’ve been slowly doing in the past few years. ^_^

My falling out with Frankie happened around two years ago. I had started a Patreon for my writing combined with some sims ( pose making, skin making etc )She was clearly not happy about it. She was one of the first people who disagreed with me on it. I appreciated her input and never told her that it bothered me so that she didn’t think that I was “one of those people” who ask for money for content so I just sugarcoated everything as I always did. I remember her saying that she “is not a fan of Patreon as long as it’s not against EA” which I 100% agree with, I never intended to lock cc behind a paywall. I would just release stuff later on, probably in 2-3 weeks’ time. However I remember very clearly that she stated how “it would be still exclusive and that it’s no longer a donation instead it’s buying”

I really didn’t like that she was saying those things to me, I remember feeling disappointed. So because I didn’t want to anger her because I really looked up to her and I feared we might fight, I took down my Patreon and got a Ko-fi instead. I’m extremely thankful to everyone who donated, it’s helped me lots! She seemed to be happy about Ko-fi and i was happy i could please her and solve the problem. I never knew why she hated Patreon so much, to me Ko fi was exactly identical to Patreon. Just another name for donations.

This was the first time that Frankie’s shot a bullet in the way I viewed her. At that time she was starting to gain a lot of influence in the community because of her hard work and dedication and she was leading a very public campaign against Patreon. She’s said some things back then which heavily contrast her current views on Patreon, donations or cc locked behind a temporary wall.

She’s said multiple times, publicly and privately how she “hates everything exclusive” but as years passed by I sometimes saw her on my dashboard, despite not following her on tumblr. I couldn’t help but notice how she seemed to me that she helps those very close to her only and seems to not bat an eye about patreon/timed exclusive content  to some people I’ve seen interacting with her– Listen, I know that this might come across as harsh or salty but I mentioned before that I don’t think she’s seen me as a friend. I was not part of her inner circle, nor did we have very deep talks about many things in particular. It just really hurt me to see this happening, while behind closed doors, two years ago she’d bashed me for wanting to make a patreon instead of just asking for donations (it was the same exact thing to me…)

While this subject is still up I’d like to mention the drama that took place a bit earlier this month. The whole hair thing. I have very hardly abstained from saying anything or intervening within the drama because i have biased opinions about her based on my past experience with her. So I didn’t want to come across as harsh, rude or disrespectful to her because of my feelings towards her and didn’t want to portray her in a biased light. The people who know, know what my opinion on the whole drama was. It’s unnecessary to tell you what I think about it since it’s no longer around. But I’d just want to say that for me it felt like all of her constant contradictions were falling apart and truth was starting to get to the surface. I felt like this situation was going to teach her a lesson, and I surely hope she’s learned. She’s not a horrible person. She’s never had malicious intent. I just think that she never really knew quite well how to handle social situations. This isn’t the first time Frankie’s taken a break from simblr. 

Perhaps her views have changed over the past few years. I know mine did a lot, so I don’t blame her if she no longer believes in the things she’s said before. People change all the time for the better or worse and it’s not something unusual. My problem here is that she’s never quite explained why she’s changed her opinions, nor did she justify her behaviour towards me at the time and other people involved who had the same experience with her. I just sort of wish that we had gotten some sort of apology, or an explanation from her after a while…anything would have made us happy. But she never did, so we moved on and kept on ignoring her, praying that we don’t ever have to interact again while watching her from afar doing things that were sort of questionable and didn’t rub us in the right way at all. But I kept silent because people support and love her, and I didn’t want to stir drama. It would have meant setting a hornet’s nest on fire and jumping right into it. Which is why I’ve never gone public about this in the first place. I just wanted to make sure that the heat of the drama was gone before i posted this. I felt like it would have been unfair to her to ‘attack’ her with this during the whole thing. 

The next time that I started getting off vibes from her was the whole Simscord thing. She joined us, I remember that clearly, she’d post in the sims 3 channel now and then but she would most of the time be in the help channel. She’d never ignore anyone and seemed to become some helper that everyone’s seen her as. So everyone went to her for help, which is what she’s always done for the community: help. It’s not easy work to help others solve their problems, which is why I respect her for it. However I don’t understand why she’s left Simscord and then proceeded to tell me she was ‘constantly ignored’ and ‘only seen as a helper’ by others. And then she proceeded to turn her blog into a help blog for every single question that every single anon needed but NEVER complained about how ignored she is or how she’s only seen as a helper then. She’s sort of criticised Simscord on multiple times before, very passively aggressively with comments like “Why does Simscord have exclusive tutorials? Isn’t that sucky for the people who don’t like joining public chats ?”  I eventually posted all the ‘exclusive tutorials’ a bit later that i wrote for Simscord onto my blog. they are still up and you can find them. This did not really make me happy when the whole SSFF thing started taking off and she did not admit that she was blocking access to cc from people who were too socially anxious to do any of the challenges. But we’ll get to that later. That’s just one of the things I can remember … again I’m saying this once more: she might have changed her view since then so I don’t blame her if she thinks differently. I just blame her past self for the way she’s acted in the whole thing. That’s all. It seemed to me that she’s never quite liked Simscord in the first place and kept trying to find ways to dismiss its usefulness. It’s always brought me down because us, the admins, were doing our best to keep Simscord alive, equal and fun to everyone whether they liked talking with us there or not. It felt like a blow to my self-esteem for the time and effort I’d put into Simscord as an admin. I know very well it’s not perfect and it can’t be. Admins are humans just like everyone. We can’t force people to act a certain way just because we want to.

 The next time we had a conflict it was “fatal” for your relationship. It was when we parted ways completely and haven’t spoken directly since. Here is where my biggest fault comes in: not confronting her and being straightforward about how she made me feel. She was angry with me because “I’d changed”. I was apparently “a different person” because I was starting to be myself more on my blog, stopping to sugarcoat things so much…I was trying my best to get out of my childish shell of agreeing with everyone just to avoid conflict and duck confrontation with people when we couldn’t agree. I remember receiving an anonymous message around that time from someone who told me that “I changed” . I was very saddened by the message, I remember I actually cried when I received it. I did not understand why that anonymous person saw me as ‘changed’. I was just being myself and trying to grow and shape and break free from the cute, innocent angel persona that I had created for myself. Sorta like Miley when she had that crazy post Disney phase lol. Im joking now but it’s for real. Then I connected that anon message to her and I am still suspecting today that it might have been her, or someone from her inner circle but then again i could be wrong about this. She had also told me clearly how she “talked to other people who confirmed my change.” I never knew who these people were. Why were they talking behind my back? Why were they not directly telling me into my face that “I changed” if they knew me so well? I highly doubt they knew me at all. Or perhaps there were no “other people”. Perhaps she had made that up just to add to her argument. I’ll never know.

 I supported her in the whole drama with The Together Store because I was still admiring her for her work and passion and I still refused to see the doubtful things that people were accusing her of doing. I remember very clearly how I messaged her when she announced her hiatus, supporting her and telling her I’m there for her, not even willing to listen to The Together Store’s side of the story (If any of you guys are reading this please reach out to me, I can’t remember your urls. I’d like to apologize personally!)   and she just told me that she doesn’t need my support, she’s not bullied and she doesn’t need help. That put a knife in my chest. I know she was just being angry in that moment. She eventually apologized for her harsh words but I never told her how they made me feel then. Another mistake on my end. I kept adding and adding to the idea of supporting her and she simply said that “she needs people to change the way they act”. I kept adding fuel to the conversation but it went nowhere. In one of the last messages from her I remember she explicitly told me that “It’s attitudes like mine that made her leave” and after that I could take no more blows. I knew then deep down my heart that I did not like her attitude but I decided to simply be nice, continue to wrongly sugarcoat the words I wanted to tell her, block her and move on. She was constantly adding in how she saw me as some sort of… Simblr Leader? I never understood what she meant by that. Never. “I don't respect the way you are handling your position as a community leader. Its been super sad to watch such a kind and sweet person get influenced by all this and I wish it were different”  - This is a direct quote from her. I have yet to understand what this all means today. I don’t know what “Influenced by all” means. I have no idea where she got the idea that I am or was a community leader by any means. Surely, I used to have much more influence two years ago. I had thousands of followers, talked to hundreds of people. But I was not a leader. I surely didn’t consider myself that way nor ever said i am one.

I know I handled the situation terribly. Yet again I take complete responsibility for my mistakes and I wish I could gather the courage to reach out to her instead. But we parted ways, by agreeing to disagree and moved on with our lives. I’ve been avoiding her from my dash actively by blocking her username and just stayed away as much as possible. I thought about it many times, to message her…to reach out and talk and be open about my mistakes. But I’ve always gotten a bit anxious the way she might understand this and respond. I know she’s had a distant tone when talking to me before and i did not want to get anxious. So i just hoped i’d get the chance to talk about this someday.

So in the years that came after that I watched her expand, grow and shape her simblr, her projects. She started becoming the very thing that she swore to destroy (very poetic but im making a reference to that one meme. Yall edgelords know what im talkin about). There was  SimblrSimplyForFun that pissed me off with the idea of exclusivity that she was so aggressive towards me about but she ended up doing herself- i remember people talking about how they don’t like the idea of challenges and interacting with others just to get ‘a treat’. She was even sent anonymous questions about this very matter: what are socially anxious people going to do? We can’t just interact with others like normal people. I don’t remember her exact response but I think it was something that brushed off the anon. Then came the drama with the hairs. It was the last drop for me. I wanted to let it all go. It’s been awful to hold this in for so long. She took it upon herself to change an entire community by implementing all these projects, which in idea are super fun and cool and really help connect people, but she was doing all the work by herself and kept on burdening herself with every challenge and piece of cc released. She had hundreds and hundreds of projects, videos, tutorials and cc released in the span of two years that were monstrously over encumbering her with so much responsibility to “change simblr” that she got swallowed in this dark pit of becoming a vessel for change and it ended up overwhelming her to the point where she left. That’s just how I see things from the outside. It doesn’t mean I’m right and you can contradict me on this, I’d gladly listen. She’s done so much for us all, a help that nobody else was willing to give and I am thankful for all her dedication and time spent doing these things. But reading her goodbye message made me realize how she’s seen Simblr more as a job than anything else. She was becoming the “leader” she was trying to enforce on me but it was no easy job. To me Simblr is fun, it’s a hobby. It’s somewhere I come to see creativity and catch up with old mutuals. Nothing more than that. If i can help people i definitely will, if it’s within my knowledge and free time. I don’t want my kindness/selflessness be seen as some sort of sacrifice i make as a “leader of the community”. That’s just my opinion. I feel like she really deserved a break and some time away to clear up her mind, relax and think. I hope she finds the peace she seeks!

I have stayed put form talking about this. As soon as the whole drama with the hairs got out I knew it was gonna be a big blow on her blog. I just didn’t want to add fuel to the fire and that’s why I am posting this only now.. I just wanted to tell my story that I kept in for two long years and that I’ve struggled to come to terms with until now. 

If you’re reading this Frankie, I’m sorry about the mistakes I made and that I didn’t tell you how I truly felt. It’s probably late, but it’s never too late to apologize for my behavior.

I understand people might not agree with me or my side of the story, that’s totally fine. I just wanted to clear things up because I have many people here I talk to that have asked me before why I don’t interact with Frankie or avoid her. I hope that this explanation is everything you need to clear things up ^_^ Anyone who I’ve personally hurt, attacked or wronged is free to unfollow me or block me away, that is totally fine and acceptable, or perhaps if you want to talk about things I’m always here to listen and discuss.

Ever since this thing happened it’s left me pretty bitter about making new friends here. Which is why I’ve just set a limit to myself to just remain ‘mutuals’ with many people and nothing more or less. It’s why I’ve been colder and colder with every year and refused to do many collabs or ships or whatever. I just have matured and grew up and I do not have much time anymore for any of these things. My IRL is full of problems that I am not willing to discuss here because they don’t concern anyone. I’ve come here just to tell my story and that’s the last personal post I’ll probably ever make on my blog.

Thankyou all for reading this extremely long post and bearing with me!

[trecundiff]

Welcome!!

I’d like to welcome everybody to Tre Knows. It’s me, your host (or whatever you’d call it for a blog) Tre Cundiff. This is a blog I have to start for my class at Lehigh University, Writing for Media. So, while this is something I’m not starting by choice, I’m excited that this is something we have to do. I’m looking forward to writing, possibly growing a following and continuing my conversations here long after I’m done with this class. 

But, before I get too deep into my plans for my new platform, let me tell you a little about myself. I’m currently a junior at Lehigh University, from New Jersey and in my first semester as a declared journalism major. I am a lifelong athlete who’s an enthusiast of most major sports, but football takes the top spot. I’m a diehard Minnesota Vikings and Liverpool fan for football and soccer. When it comes to baseball, I am a Mets fan but I don’t follow too closely. I love basketball, but I wouldn’t say I have a team that I’ve been completely loyal to my whole life. My favorite player is fellow Jersey native, Kyrie Irving, so I just follow him around for the most part. My dream is to work for ESPN or NFL Network one day; getting paid to debate about sports (preferably football) in front of millions of viewers. But for now, I’m excited to be sharing my opinions with you. 

Although sports are a major part of my life and a passion of mine, I do not, I’ll repeat, I DO NOT want this platform to only be about sports. I’d like for my blog to be an outlet I use to talk about any and everything. Whether it’s something pop culture related like sports, music or movies or if I just feel like ranting on a random topic, this will be my platform to do so. I’d like to share my ideas with others and, hopefully, I can get some interaction and people share their ideas with me. I want this blog to be an avenue to voice my opinions on whatever may be on my mind at the time. 

The name Tre Knows (while also being adapted from the Nike “Bo Knows” commercials) is supposed to play on the fact that there is a wide range of topics I may talk about and the idea that this is all my opinion. I’m not claiming to be an expert on any particular topic, but the scope of things I’m interested in and have opinions on is vast. So it’s “Tre” because that’s me and this is by me, about me, and strictly my thoughts. While “Knows” is that I know what I’m talking about in that area or at least may act like I do for a particular post even though many may disagree with me. And, if you are one of those people who disagree, then LET ME KNOW. That’s what comment sections are for. And I’d love to hear others’ opinions.

 I plan to begin posting to the blog regularly and any feedback or interaction is all I can ask for. All conversations take at least two participants, so, any thoughts you may have, feel free to leave them in the comments. Just participate, whether you’re bashing my opinions or want to have a constructive conversation because trust me, I love a good debate (especially about sports). All I ask is you keep it respectful, I’m new to this and want to do anything to improve and grow.

So without further adieu, welcome to my “show”, Tre Knows.

[iprocrastinatefartoomuch]

Some thoughts on AWAE 3x07 (spoilers ahead)...

As much as I applaud Anne’s intentions, I can’t help but be worried that it will backfire and harm Josie.

Question: How does she have the key to the schoolhouse?

“We’ll simply do whatever it takes to get him back”. And the mother of the year award most certainly won’t be bestowed upon Mrs. Pye.

“He’s not a nice boy.” -The most accurate thing anybody has said about Billy.

Mrs. Andrews is also not winning any awards soon for her lack of interest in rectifying the damage that was inflicted upon Josie by her son.

Ugh, Mr. Andrews is equally as despicable.

Diana does have a point, an apology to Josie is much needed.

Damn, that slap came quick. The trash comment wasn’t necessary but Josie was right about the timing (something that could have been avoided if Billy didn’t decide to spread rumors).

Why is Moody the only one not in trousers?

I agree with Gilbert, she should have consulted with someone.

The fertilizer column, I didn’t know you could write so much about it especially without academic journals on standby.

I may have conflicting opinions on Rachel but ugh, the priests got on my nerve. Stop interrupting and calling Rachel hysterical when she has a legit point.

As much as I’m not happy about Diana & Jerry hitting an impasse, it’s at least realistic. I don’t think they have a lot to connect on. I wonder how it’s going to resolved because Paris finishing school isn’t too far away.

All I kept thinking about when Miss Stacy ranted on censorship and the board of directors, was how similar Anne is to Miss Stacy.

The person who cast Miss Stacy most definitely deserved a raise.

“I’ve reckoned you’ve heard enough from men on this topic.’ -This is why we stand Mathew. He needs to not die.

I almost forgot about the story club, I’m sad it’s no longer in existence.

“…and no reference to animal husbandry.” I know I’m supposed to be outraged at the board but I found that bit hilarious.

Gilbert is showing the newspaper how to be a good ally, supportive without stealing their platform.

Also, I love that the reason why her friends made up wasn’t that they realized that they had upset Anne but in fact, were perpetuating the dangerous status quo.

I love the little look Moody gives Ruby when she says “We shouldn’t have ever been blamed.” because he willingly admits his wrong. I love Ruby’s evolution into this bold, self-assured young woman.

Indeed the Cuthbert’s farm boy has grown so tall.

“Does he have a farm girl?”-Got to love Tillie

If Mr. Andrews didn’t slosh around his tea when staring in the milk, he wouldn’t have tea everywhere. He frustrates me immensely.

Do I know what Prissy is talking about? Not really, but she does have the components of a good pitch, yes and her father is acting so condescendingly towards her.  

Anne’s apologies are so thoughtful. I love how she conveyed to Josie her true intentions but also acknowledged how she failed to protect the subject’s identity.

Jerry has gone to see Anne about some relationship advice, can’t wait.

Oh no, I forgot briefly that Anne doesn’t know about Diana and him.

Don’t mention her name….well he did and she’s not happy about not being in the loop.

I agree Diana should have told Anne at the very least. After all, she did bare her soul in telling her about her feelings on Gilbert

“They can’t your beauty away from you.”-That’s not what’s high on the priority for Josie.

I interpreted her taking out the rag curls as her realization that Avonlea society isn’t going to change without her taking a stand.

I liked how Josie made it abundantly clear that Billy shouldn’t attempt to rectify the situation because he still likes her but instead, only if he realizes how damaging his behavior was.

I’m glad that Billy didn’t get a straight-up villain edit because at the end of the day, he is to an extent, a product of his parents. His mom, despite being a member of the Progressive Mothers’ Club didn’t instill any progressive values in him and his father is an asshat. I think it’s important to keep in mind that he’s only 16 (he has a long way to go) and didn’t even finish high school. BUT he’s also 16, so he should have also known that inflicting bodily harm on innocent individuals is wrong.

“You’re not making any sense”. I disagree with Anne, if two consent to messing about, I don’t see the harm in it but then again, she’s still reeling off from some heartbreak. Thank god for the sexual freedom of 2019.

Simultaneously, I do understand why Jerry sees Diana’s lack of acknowledgment of their relationship in the public sphere (even if it’s just Anne) as degrading but I think that’s all part of growing up. They need to have a serious conversation on intents and their future. Whatever the conversation, I do hope Diana doesn’t see this courtship as something strictly related to her desire to rebel against her parents’ wishes.

They have great chemistry but an actual courtship or marriage won’t last long based solely on desire.

Also, letting the distance of Paris be how she intends to end their relationship is an extremely poor idea.

Diana & Anne’s fallout needs to be rectified ASAP. Simply put, I cannot survive a 3 episode drought of their friendship.

Yes Prissy, ask for your dowry.

We stand supportive parents such as those of Marilla & Mathew.

I love their protest. Freedom of speech is a human right.

Got to love Miss Stacy getting photographic evidence of the priest trying to subvert free speech.

Rachel and I are tearing up.

I spot with very eyes an upcoming Shirbert scene.

I’m loving this flirty banter between the two.

Hear, hear, Gilbert has acknowledged that they do make a good team.

Now kiss. Oh shit, I forgot about Winifred.

The fucking asshole priests have organized a middle-of-the-night mission to steal the press. Lucky for them, they managed to set the schoolhouse on fire. Congrats, now you’ve definitely self-incriminated yourself.

Final Thoughts:

Needs Bash, Cole & Aunt Jo next episode. Preferably continuing her adventure finding more about her lineage and maybe, dressed up in the same light green getup.

We need more of Prissy.

Diana and Anne need to make up.

Winifred needs to go. As much as I don’t have anything against her, she and Gilbert don’t quite make the kind of team, anyone is looking for.

Where’s Ka'kwet and her storyline going?

Mrs. Andrews needs to grow a backbone.

Regarding Diana & Jerry’s storyline: if the writers decide to keep them together, she should still be going to finishing school because she doesn’t have any skills and isn’t getting a college education.

Billy needed more public backlash.

Please no Fred Wright.

[therandomfics]

Chances Are... 4

“I’ve got four people for them to interview,” you stated factually, phone wedged in between your ear and your shoulder. Your boss, Jess, had called and was requesting updates on the secretary position open at Manhattan SVU. Traditionally she called and got updates weekly, but because this was a new client she was much more concerned about making a great impression.

“Are you taking them there yourself?” she asked. You could hear her pen tapping on a notepad, idly but nervously as was her usual personality.

You adjusted your glasses, pushing them back up your nose a smidge. They had slipped down over the past hour and were finally at a point of being uncomfortable. “I am, yes. Today. We’re meeting at 1:30 so I’m leaving in like ten minutes. I’ve sent over resumes and this is who Donna requested. I’ll update you once I know where Donna’s plans are taking us.”

“I love that I don’t have to micro manage you,” she doted, then let out a small sigh. “Alright, I’ll talk to you later. I’ve got your area manager on the phone. He makes my face hurt.”

You laughed gently and shook your head. “Alright. Text you later.”

The Squadroom was buzzing with activity when you arrived. Suspects, officers, administrative personnel and who knew what else whirred by you as they filled their afternoon with work. Donna waved when she saw you, prompting you to seat your candidates in the hallway and approach her.

You shook her hand confidently and motioned to the four women sitting on the chairs, nervous with the anticipation of an interview. “They’re all solid candidates. They have copies of their resumes and they’ve already had our background, drug, and credit check.”

“Great! Send me Paola first,” she said with a smile, and then disappeared down the hall to the same room you’d met her in initially.

When you sent Paola on her way, you sat in her seat and crossed your legs, patiently waiting for the interview to conclude and your list of candidates to dwindle down.

Paola, Michele, Edna and Elaine had all been called. You were just waiting for Elaine now. The first two interviews were quick, but Edna and Elaine’s seemed to be going on for a bit longer than you’d anticipated. You looked down the hallway and saw what you hoped was the glow from a vending machine calling your name. You hopped up and made your way down, digging in your purse for loose change while you walked.

The man already at the machine seemed to be having a hard time making a decision, though you patiently waited behind him while he studied his options. Finally, he settled on a bottle of water and side stepped so you could make your choice. A few coins later, you opened a bottle of apple juice and contentedly sighed.

“Y/N?”

You turned around and realized that the indecisive man from a moment ago was your neighbor, Peter. You tilted your head to the side curiously and furrow your brow, studying his face. “Peter?”

“I.. it’s.. good to see you,” he choked out, his face reddening as he stood in front of you.

“Likewise. Do you work here?” you asked, recapping your juice and tucking it into your bag. He’d never seemed to have an issue speaking to you before, so why now did he seem so bashful? Alienated, even.

“I do, kind of.”

“Explains the fancy suits you wear,” you commented, offering him a smile to help ease his discomfort. It did nothing to better the situation unfortunately, so when Donna called your name from down the hall you were thankful for the excuse to leave. “See you later.”

Peter watched you leave as the color drained from his face.

Several days passed before Donna made a decision on hiring one of your temps. It was also several days that had gone by since you’d seen your neighbor, Peter. You still couldn’t shake the odd way that he’d acted when you had seen him in his work environment - frankly, you felt kind of foolish to think that he’d been so nice when he’d suddenly acted so bewildered to see you out in public. Eventually you shrugged it off and went back to your usual routine: bagel, coffee, work, home. Maybe you weren’t meant to be friends with him after all.

Saturday mornings were one of your favorite things in life. It was an opportunity to be free, to sleep late, to get up early and be alive before the rest of the city started bustling about, and most importantly a chance to do whatever you felt like doing. 

After your shower, you picked a casual outfit and headed out to get your coffee and your bagel before you went to the park to sit and read for a few hours. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was something that made you happy and you couldn’t care much less what anyone thought about how you spent your free time. 

Coffee in hand and bagel wrapped up tight, you planted yourself on a park bench and tucked your bag in between your hip and the metal rail that kept you from falling off the side. There were a few people out already, walking their dogs and throwing bread to the ducks in the pond. It was still quiet, and if you were lucky you’d have enough time to burn through a few chapters before it became too noisy to relax. 

Deep into the world of a mysterious circus that came and went in the night, you turned page after page, devouring the words in front of you. Before you knew it, the runners were out and sprinting past you. Their footsteps were less of an intrusion than the screaming children who were playing in the grassy patch near the pond, but who were you to tell them to be quiet? 

Footsteps behind your seated body stopped and you heard someone panting heavily before they walked around to where you were and dropped onto the bench beside you. You peered over carefully with narrowed eyes and realized your stranger was no stranger at all. It was Peter. Funny he chose to sit with you after avoiding you and looking at you like you had the plague the last time you spoke. 

“Hey Y/N,” he greeted, wiping beads of sweat from his forehead. He seemed tense, but you brushed it off as part of his physical exertion. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” 

You closed your book and sat it on your thigh, arching a brow in his direction. “The feeling is mutual. How are you?” 

“Oh, me? I’m good, I’m good,” he said, trailing off and glancing between you and the various other distractions in the park. “How.. are you? Are you alright?” 

You nodded slowly and then adjusted your position so that you could face him. “I’m good. Are you sure you’re okay? You’re being a little odd.” 

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be. I shouldn’t be here. It could be a conflict of interest,” he said and sprang to his feet, taking a moment to stretch his legs. 

“A conflict of interest? How?” you demanded, your puzzled expression growing more painful by the second. 

He sighed and cleared his throat. “When I saw you the other day, when I was at work?” 

“Yes...” 

“If your case goes to trial, I don’t know if I could be apart of it knowing you outside of work. I just wouldn’t want any-” 

You stood up and dropped your book onto the bench. “My case? What case?” 

“You were at SVU, Y/N. I just assumed...” 

“Oh.” You let out a soft laugh and shook your head. “No, Peter. No. No. Is that why you were being weird? You thought that I was there as a victim?” 

He nodded. You watched as his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. 

“Peter, no. I’m so sorry I put you in an awkward situation. I was there on business, not as a witness or a victim or anything.” 

Relief washed over him and you saw a change in his physical stance - he seemed to immediately relax. “I’m so glad to hear that.” 

“You’re sweet to be concerned,” you added with a smile. It was almost impossible to look at him, covered in sweat and blushing, without letting your mind wander to the darker side of things. 

“You just seem like you’re a sweet person and I kind of figured you lived alone. It worried me that something could have happened to you and I wanted to be sure you were okay.” 

You felt your own blush coming to the surface as you looked down, finding yourself unable to deny the rush you got from the sincerity in his voice. “Yeah, I’m really alright, I promise. Even for a spinster, I’m alright.” 

He laughed genuinely, his eyes creasing in the corners. “You, a spinster? I doubt that’s possible. There’s no way.” 

“My ex would disagree,” you retorted with a snort. 

“He must be an idiot.” 

You felt a smile tugging at your lips, involuntarily expressing your sincere enjoyment of the conversation. “You’d be absolutely correct, sir.” 

“Sounds like you’re better off without him then,” he pointed out, shrugging gently. “The world’s probably better for it too, right? You get a chance to do something new with your time.” 

“Speaking of time, I really have to get going. I’m sorry to rush off. Maybe I’ll see you soon?” you queried, gathering up your things and draping your messenger bag across your body. 

“I’d really like that.” 

You stopped for a second and begged the butterflies in your stomach to stand down. “Me too. Maybe sometime we’ll run into one another when we both have more time.” 

“Maybe we’ll run into one another tonight?” he offered with a hopeful smile. 

“My door’s always open. Just knock. Anytime,” you added with a small giggle of excitement. “See you later!” 

“See you soon,” he corrected, a gentle smile on his lips. “At 7?” 

“It’s a date!” you called over your shoulder, hurrying down the sidewalk. You were nearly positive if you stayed a moment longer you would have spent your entire afternoon standing in the park, talking to a man you barely knew but saw so much potential in. Plus, you really did need to get home. Suddenly, you had a date.