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killjoy-loveit · 5 years ago

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Stitch Me Back Together- 2

A/N: I would like to clarify that everything written in this story is complete fiction and isn’t to be taken as a true portrayal of reality. This is written in 1st POV, the character’s name is Fleur, and this is a series. I am still working on it, the end date isn’t set as of yet, however, I will try to update it when I can (though two updates are scheduled this month). Every member of Vixx will be featured in this piece, though for this second part the only one of them in it is Ken/Jaehwan. And as always the links to my masterlists will be in the notes!

Summary: Fleur is on a path of discovery, and what she finds might not be what she’s expecting. And we all know that at times, knowledge brings danger.

Word Count: 2,606

Genre: Supernatural/Fantasy/Mythical AU, Angst

****WARNING: Mentions of blood****

During the two weeks that I was off work, Lucille frequently came around. Almost as if she feared that I’d fall apart in a matter of hours if I was left alone for too long. While I wouldn’t break down in tears, I couldn’t guarantee the state of my mind for long. Something just didn’t add up, and I had two weeks to try to come to some sort of conclusion. Any free time I had without Lucille hovering over my shoulder was spent with my nose buried in medical textbooks. Or medical research papers. Or articles relating to medicine. However, the normal sources I went to had very little in the way of explaining what I’d seen. That’s when things took a turn.

I stopped limiting my search to the medical field. At this point, I wasn’t sure if I was losing my marbles or if it was actually something… Supernatural. But I’ve never been the type to give up without getting answers. So, despite being skeptical, I turned to resources I never would have considered otherwise. I frequented sites that gave supernatural explanations, involving magic and creatures that shouldn’t exist. Stores I used to avoid, even going so far as to express my confusion at their existence, became a second home. The person that probably monitors my account might’ve wondered what the hell was going on because I got a fraud alert after buying over $100 worth of books on the supernatural.

Of course, explaining that it was actually me that made those purchases over the phone was a tad interesting. And by that I mean difficult. I kept stammering, feeling like I was being interrogated when in reality all the person wanted was confirmation that I was the one who made the purchases. After that experience, I felt like maybe I was just being paranoid, or going overboard. Except that all changed when I found an explanation that fit. One that, under normal circumstances, I would have thrown directly out the window. It probably wouldn’t have even been allowed a second thought.

Based on the book I found, it said that Remi Juarez was… A shapeshifter. Further research only locked in that explanation in my mind. Some shapeshifter’s hearts beat slower, meaning the blood doesn’t circulate as fast, which could explain why he didn’t bleed out before getting to the ER. His blood had traces of an unknown element, one that made it difficult to figure out what treatments were safe. And I thought it was my imagination initially because no one else saw it, but I saw his face change for a split second- into one of the paramedics. But then it was gone. There was more in the book, but nothing that I’d be able to determine as true without the autopsy report in front of me.

At that point, I still thought I was losing my mind. It just didn’t make sense. All of the creatures and beings from mythology were just supposed to be fairytales, they weren’t meant to actually exist. Magic wasn’t meant to be real, just some fluke that could be easily debunked by science. But I was starting to realize that science couldn’t answer everything. It didn’t have the answers to the questions running through my mind and wreaking absolute havoc. I wanted it to be a dream. Wished that it was all in my head. But I started noticing things. The kind of things that wouldn’t typically hold any value.

Whenever I went out, I would notice at least one person who deviated from the norm but not to the point that just anybody would notice. People whose eyes flashed a different color; had unnaturally sharp incisors when they smiled; laughs that sounded like tinkling bells; beguiling words that could change another’s disposition in a matter of seconds; the slight brushing of one’s hands against another and causing them to go blank like they were in a trance. And I couldn’t keep denying it further, there was no point. I had to accept the fact that the supernatural existed- something I’d been denying since I was a kid. I was always that one kid to call bullshit on the sweet fairytales or scary stories adults would tell.

Fear had consumed me, becoming a permanent part of my being. Sometimes it was the overwhelming kind that could make someone want to curl into a ball in the corner of a room and never move. Other times it was just like a brief flicker of an old tv that’s connection had worsened over the years. The fear was hard to deal with, but I’d always been good at hiding my problems from Lucille. I never wanted her to worry, or be scared, or hurt, and if she saw that I was afraid, well… She’s always been a wild card when it comes to my stronger emotions. Either she’d try to solve the problem for me, or the solution would evade her and just lead her to be upset.

Though, it’s not that Lucille thought I couldn’t handle things on my own. No, she knows I’m more than capable of taking care of myself. Rather, she’s always thought of us as a duo, fighting against the world together. Except that isn’t always a plausible way of handling things. This was one of those times, is one of those times. Feeling useless and paranoid wasn’t something I wanted to share with her, it’s something I needed to carry on my own.

My first day back at the hospital after reaching such a conclusion was nothing short of a mess. Keeping my mind clear was difficult. Whenever I saw something slightly out of the ordinary, the kind of thing that could be explained in one of the supernatural books I bought, it would stay in my head, flitting about. There were only two good things that happened that day: my request for a copy of Remi Juarez’s autopsy report was approved, and I managed to, somehow, perform my job without a falter. I was surprised that, despite the upheaval of the world I’d come to know, I could still function enough to treat patients effectively.

Today seemed to be going better though. I’d had my morning coffee and got to chat with Lucille a bit before she went to sleep. The sterile smell of the hospital, one that took me a long while to get used to, brought a new sense of comfort to me now. I was back where I was meant to be.

“Fleur, hey,” Selene called out, pausing me in my tracks.

“Oh,” I respond, lips parted and eyebrows raised. I’d been too lost in my head to notice I was passing the nurse’s station. Selene has been the resident gossip since she was hired two years ago. “Hello, how are you, Selene?”

She plastered a sympathetic smile on her face, it looked forced. She then pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “I feel like I should be asking you that question. Of course, I’m more than fine! How are you holding up though, dearie?”

Bile rose up in the back of my throat. I’ve always hated small talk, especially if it was the fake, prying kind. People like that never actually cared about you, they just wanted information they could spread. “I’m managing. Thank you for your concern.” My lips pressed into a thin smile before I stepped past her.

Pleasantries are something I try to avoid as much as I can, it feels contrived. No one tells the truth to such questions, just as they don’t expect the truth. Such questions have become a way of greeting, not actually being asked because the other person cares. And heaven forbid you tell the truth, that’s a good way of making someone freeze in place. I could hear the way she huffed in annoyance as I walked off. It was no surprise to me though, not at this point. Selene wasn’t a pleasant person to begin with and she only got worse with time.

Now only one thing was on my mind: the autopsy report. I knew it’d be waiting for me when I arrived for my shift today, and I was anxious to get my hands on it. After retrieving the file, I quickly made my way to the doctor’s lounge to skim it before my shift starts. Settling down in one of the rickety chairs, I tried to convince myself that nothing would be out of the ordinary. But of course, such a wish couldn’t be granted.

Multiple irregularities seemed to jump straight from the page, and I was helpless not to fixate on them. The oddities started from the rate his blood clotted, to his bone density, and even to the bullets he was shot with. One of my first conclusions was proved to be true: Remi Juarez was shot from two directions. Meaning there were two shooters. Both seemed to have used the same bullets though, a mixture of silver and steel, which made it likely they were working together.

Another thing I learned from the report was that there was truly nothing else I could have done to save him. Each step I took was correct, and despite his slow blood flow, he had just lost far too much blood at that point. With the number of bullets that riddled his body, it was surprising he hadn’t bled out faster, let alone that his heart had managed to keep beating. But I still have questions that the report hasn’t answered. Why were there two shooters in the first place? Why wasn’t he dead on arrival? How did he survive for so long? And why, exactly, was the detective relieved when I didn’t know anything?

Twelve hours later, at eight in the evening, long since the sky had darkened considerably, I finished my shift. The air was crisp and refreshing after having been cooped up inside all day. Leaves crunched under my feet as I walked down the sidewalk, my eyes taking in the beautiful scenery of the city at night. People bustled about, groceries clutched in their hands, pushing strollers, young couples holding hands, businessmen with phones glued to their ears. I hadn’t driven to work this morning, and I was quite happy with that decision. I think I needed this, to see life like this.

That feeling didn’t die down until I was closer to my apartment building, maybe five minutes away. The street lights were flickering and I couldn’t spot another person on the sidewalks. The air felt eerie and thick, making it hard to catch my breath. Then I heard a low growling, joined by something scraping against the cement, sending chills up my spine. I swallowed the growing panic, the likelihood of something or someone being behind me was low. Clearly I haven’t been getting enough sleep since I’m imagining things.

Except I wasn’t imagining things, and I knew it the second I felt hot breath on the back of my neck. I jerked forward instantly but was quickly pulled back by long, twisted claws. A scream bubbled up in my throat, begging to be released- a plea that I ignored. The low growling started again, growing louder with each passing second, and this time it was directly in my ear. I felt the creature’s saliva drip onto my shoulder, soaking into my jacket.

I felt frozen in place, be it by terror or because of some mind trick the beast played on me I couldn’t tell, and I didn’t care which it was. I just wished I was running. That my feet would start without my mind telling them to. If ever there was a time for my feet to have a mind of their own it’s now. But alas, I had no such luck. The creature’s claws dragged down my arm, ripping through the fabric of my coat and digging into my skin. At that moment it was like my body woke up, I tore out of the beast’s grasp, ignoring the searing pain in my arm as its claws left me. I ran and I didn’t stop. My feet pounded down the sidewalk until I could make out my apartment building in the distance, but even then I didn’t stop- I could still feel the creature hot on my trail.

One second I was running and the next I was lying on the concrete, a grisly claw gripping my ankle. A panicked shriek pierced the air as I looked back and saw the creature. Its eyes glowed a dark red, with tough gray skin that resembled the concrete underneath me, and vicious-looking fangs that protruded from its mouth. Terror flooded my veins, this thing looked like a monster straight from my childhood nightmares. I kicked my free foot at its face, catching it by surprise and causing its grasp on me to falter. In that instant I shot to my feet, continuing my race to my apartment building.

This time I made it safely inside, but I didn’t relax until I was in my apartment with each entryway sealed. My breathing was heavy, coming out in pants as adrenaline raced through me. My mind was spinning. What had I done to get a beast sicced on me? Did someone know that I’d figured out what Remi Juarez was? Am I a target now? Once I’d calmed down enough, I felt the blood trailing down my arm, dripping onto the hardwood floors beneath my feet. Glancing at the scratches left behind by whatever that creature was, it was easy to tell that they weren’t deep enough to need stitches. I could take care of this myself with some disinfectant and gauze.

By the time my arm was wrapped up nice and tight, it was just past ten o’clock. There was only one person I could call. One person I could question. And I wasn’t even sure if he’d give me any answers, but I could try. Grabbing my cellphone from the counter, I dialed the small numbers on the card I’d kept close to me since I got it. The line rang, once, twice, three times. I thought I was going to go through to voicemail, but then I heard his voice.

“Hello?”

“Detective Lee, this is Fleur Boudreaux.” I could feel my determination wavering.

“Oh,” he sounded surprised. “It’s quite late, what are you calling about?”

“I need to talk to you,” I whispered hoarsely. “It’s important.”

“Right now?”

“Right now.”

He was at my door thirty minutes later, dressed in a more casual outfit than the last time I saw him. When he came into my apartment, the door fully closed behind him, I hesitated as I felt his gaze on me.

“What happened to your arm?” Detective Lee asked, stepping forward, eyebrows bunching together in concern.

“It’s why I called you,” I breathed out, moving my eyes to his. “I… Was attacked.”

His eyes widened considerably. “Attacked? Why didn’t you call the police?”

“Aren’t you the police?”

“I mean, yes, but‒”

I cut him off quickly. “I couldn’t just call the police about this. It had to be you, at least I think it has to. Anyone else will just think I’m crazy.”

The look in his eyes changed, realization flashing in them. “What are you talking about?”

“What I’m talking about,” I say, stepping forward. “Is Remi Juarez. He wasn’t human, and neither was the thing that attacked me tonight. So I have some questions I need you to answer, starting with: what the hell have I been dragged into?”

#vixx #vixx fanfic #vixx scenarios #vixx series #vixx ken #vixx jaehwan #vixx leo #vixx taekwoon #vixx ravi #vixx wonshik #vixx hongbin #vixx hyuk #vixx n #vixx hakyeon #vixx supernatural au #stitch me back together

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digitalpillory · 5 years ago

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Planet Princeton

Dear Reader,

You’ve probably stumbled across this webpage accidentally during a cursory web search of my first and last name. The following is my attempt to correct the record and take a stand against the deplorable behavior of a particular journalist who has seemingly been nursing a vendetta against me for the last several years. Almost six years ago, Ms. Krystal K. Knapp (KKK henceforth for brevity) published my name and other identifying information about me on her news-oriented Word Press blog. The disparaging item consistently appears very high first page search results of almost all major search engines for my relatively uncommon name as a record of a number of charges brought against me by the town of Princeton while I was a graduate student at the university. The most damning and attention-grabbing item is the charge of DUI in a school zone as a result of a car accident. Succinct in her description, KKK misrepresents and sensationalizes an unfortunate event from many years ago of dismissed charges. However, due to the peculiarity of NJ law in this matter and my own ignorance and chagrin, I missed the window of opportunity to pursue a claim of defamation against KKK. Furthermore, dismissed charges in NJ are ineligible for expungement and therefore remains on a copy of my driving abstract with NJMVC.

I sincerely regret having to resort to self-publishing my own narrative to provide additional context and information. However, after repeated requests over the last several years, KKK has ignored my requests and most recently alleges that she has removed my name or suppressed the item from search results which can be found here. I can understand KKK’s (personal) resolve to hold me accountable for these allegations. Yet, it appears spiteful, prejudicial, and arbitrary how she has chosen to single me out for her digital pillory, Planet Princeton. I do not know KKK personally and am unaware of any personal connection to her despite the fact that we are both graduates of schools in the town of Princeton, New Jersey. I am not fit to judge whether her academic or professional ethics support her behavior or if her readers are aware of this incredibly hurtful and glaring bias. In brief, KKK does not choose to publish every item or even names consistently in her periodic police blotters. So, I asked her in the public forum where she has delighted in denigrating my character over the last several years!

KKK hastily deleted my comments from public visibility, blocked my IP address so that I could no longer view her blog, and finally chided me privately for being charged in the first place. Maybe I should obey the law next time, she taunted. And for good measure, KKK threatened to sue me for harassment if I did not cease my requests for removal from her blog. Indeed, this dilemma had seemingly no satisfactory resolution. KKK seems intent on trying to assassinate my character and publicly shame me for something about which she could only legally know very limited details. Was she trying to bait me into some kind of public dispute or enhance her own “credibility” or “celebrity” via a feud? For the first few years, I was shocked and intimidated by how she was trading upon her platform in the town that she is privileged to represent. Having a relatively uncommon name and without and fame or celebrity to contribute, I was at a loss for how to proceed, especially as I journeyed through life: graduating university, applying for jobs, starting new endeavors, and finally submitting applications to medical school.

So, if you found this webpage and you’re curious, allow me to tell you in my own words, lest you feel embarrassed to inquire about the charges. I was involved in a one-car accident one evening after dropping a friend home. I made a right turn onto a narrow, winding road after it had just begun to rain (without speeding), and my car hydroplaned and collided with a guard rail on the outskirts of the “school zone”. No persons or animals were injured or even present at the time of the accident. I voluntarily called the local police for help who later “determined that I had consumed alcoholic beverages according to KKK” I appeared before a local judge several weeks later to answer for the charges which were dismissed. It may also be worthwhile to know that a number of NJ DUI cases have been reopened and are now being re-litigated through post-conviction relief due to a landmark case that found faulty breathalyzer equipment. In the following months after adjudication, I was awarded a Secret-level security clearance by the U.S. government.

That’s what you thought happened though, right? Maybe this is true for some who are acutely aware of current events or have had their own personal sagas with any kind of “revenge” publications or unflattering search results. However, I suspect there might be a significant and silent majority who are eager to believe calumny like this. Plus, the fact that it’s been present high on the results page for many years must only add to its credibility, right?. I’m not lobbying for a European-style “right to be forgotten” law or making a sociopolitical argument about shame, nor do I expect to win a war of words against this hard-nosed journalist. Rather, I would ask the reader to be cautious about the information you choose to accept and allow to guide your decisions whether implicitly or explicitly. It’s commonplace to google everyone you meet these days, but as KKK may now understand anyone can publish text online. The internet has authorized anyone to conduct their own unofficial background checks and public opinion trials.

Don’t get me wrong: I think that this can be good in many cases. More information is usually better and key to good decision-making like for research or sometimes just for entertainment. Free speech is a hallmark of this great nation.

Although I’m hardly KKK’s only victim here*, it appears that I am the only person who is willing to confront and challenge this behavior through reasoned arguments. It is unfortunate that the people of Princeton continue to condone and celebrate this kind of journalism that is fundamentally racist, misleading, and unfair. I hope that by sharing my personal experience I can raise awareness about different forms that prejudice and cyberbullying can take. Let’s all pledge to be responsible with our platforms and be decent to each other. Remember that someone can always tell the truth on you too and that each person is the protagonist of his or her own epic tale.

*Just look at a few of these articles and try to reason for yourself why some names are broadcast and others are not. Note: it is illegal to publish the names of minors, whistleblowers, and survivors of sexual assault under some conditions in NJ.

-Stephen Chaisson

Stephen is 2015 graduate of the Woodrow Wilson School at Princeton University in International Relations. He earned his undergraduate degree from Brown University and has worked in international development as an RPCV. He currently resides in Baltimore, Maryland where he works in the healthcare field with the ambition of becoming a doctor of medicine.

Opinions expressed are solely my own and do not express the views or opinions of my employer.

#planetprinceton #cyberbullying #racism #rji #princeton rjifellows police

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adrenaline-revolver · 6 years ago

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Too awkward to hear

@marius-new-hat-and-coat I wrote the thing

Marius wanted out. Or to die. Whichever was fastest. He hadn’t really had such friends before but he thinks he’s found the worst possible way to make them.

He had been walking home when he was struck in the side of the head with a ball. Apparently someone had yelled ‘look out’ but Marius was so pre-occupied with his own thoughts that he hadn’t even looked up.

When the students rushed to see if he was alright Marius panicked. They looked like they felt so guilty and Marius felt so embarrassed by the fact that he wasn’t paying attention. He isn’t entirely sure why he just stared but apparently he stared long enough that one of the boys realized something might be wrong.

“Can you hear me?” He spoke slowly and enunciated carefully thinking that Marius might be deaf.

“Oh god, we deafened him!” The other, a curly haired boy, seemed moments from blind panic.

Marius quickly shook his head to try and comfort them before realizing it further played into the idea that he couldn’t hear. At least now they didn’t think he was a moron for not noticing the warning.

The first one who spoke took out his phone and typed up a question.

‘Did you just lose your hearing?’

Marius shook his head no in response. It would be too painfully awkward to correct them now, especially seeing as they were being so kind.

“Don’t worry, he was already deaf. You didn’t deafen anyone today.” He spoke to the second one and showed him the message.

“Oh thank god.” The tension left his shoulders. “We still should at least get him a drink for nearly taking his head off.”

“Well technically you did.” He grins. “The others will agree though.” He then types up something on his phone.

‘I’m Combeferre, this is Courfeyrac, would you like to come meet our friends?’

“Tell him about the free food!” Courfeyrac adds.

‘We’re celebrating the end of the semester with a picnic. You’re welcome to join.’

Marius didn’t want to impose but he was quite hungry. He nodded and smiled when Courfeyrac quickly helped him to his feet.

“Be careful, he could be more hurt than you realize.” Combeferre warned.

“Don’t even start, I beg you.” Courfeyrac pulled Marius further into the park and introduced him to everyone as “the nice boy I nearly killed” they were all kind as well.

A blonde in a red hoodie chastised Courfeyrac for not asking Marius his name and quickly whipped out his phone to do so. Enjolras, as he learned from the contact information, was a bit intimidating but Marius got the feeling that the intensity was just who he was. It at least didn’t seem to affect Courfeyrac at all.

A fellow medical student of Combeferre’s, Joly, checked him for a concussion once he was cleared Jehan introduced himself and gave him a flower crown to match the others that he had been passing out.

It actually wasn’t that difficult to not speak, he felt like he’d been trained to be “seen not heard” for years. Not reacting to sounds however was a lot harder. Bahorel’s loud laughter, Montparnasse yelling from across the park to get Jehan’s attention, and Enjolras falling into an argument with Grantaire all threatened to expose him.

He managed to keep everything together until it was time to leave. Courfeyrac threw an arm around his shoulder and texted him.

‘Want to come to a meeting? We can learn sign language and everything.’

Marius had heard snippets about these meetings and gotten texts throughout the day about them. Apparently they were a political group. That wasn’t what shook him.

Courfeyrac said they would learn sign language for him. Something they didn’t even need. Just so he would be included. He had to back out.

‘I don’t want to impose.’

‘No way! We’ve mentioned it before but never had a reason to commit! It’ll be fun!”

Marius bit his lip as he tried to think of excuses. A half-truth will help.

‘I doubt I would be a great addition as -‘ he paused and thought of exactly how to phrase it ‘someone who was raised as a Bonapartist.’ Marius wasn’t exactly sure how his views aligned with his grandfather’s anymore, they were certainly too liberal to be living with him but likely far too monarchist for this crowd.

Courfeyrac’s eyebrows jumped nearly to his forehead but he just texted back with a grin.

‘We can work on that! Just don’t text politics with Enjolras’ parents anytime soon. They’re Orléanists! If you’re nervous just know it’s kinda like this but Enjolras and Grantaire gripe at each other more. There’ll be more food~’

Courfeyrac wiggled his eyebrows and Marius new he was doomed. He really did need a confirmed source of dinner in his life. Maybe one meeting wouldn’t be too much. He just couldn’t disappoint and drop the act.

One became two. Two became Marius frantically learning sign language and coming up with excuses for why he hadn’t ever used it before. He kept telling himself he could opt out at some point but it just kept getting worse.

Then came the real kicker. He was evicted from his disgusting little apartment. Courfeyrac of course let him move in with him.

He was living with someone who thought he was deaf. Courfeyrac thought he was deaf and was going out of his way to be accommodating. Learning sign language, flicking the lights to let him know he was headed out at night, turning on subtitles on anything they watched. It was eating Marius up inside.

He was his best friend! His best friend that he had been lying to the entire time he knew him. Marius wished the ball had killed him.

The Internet wasn’t that much help either. Someone suggested that he get hit again and pretend to regain his hearing, knowing his luck he’d actually lose it. There were plenty of joke answers as well, including one about pretending to be the next messiah. That wouldn’t do either.

The worst were the ones that told him to just come clean and said if they were really so kind they would understand. He knew that was likely his only chance but still that wasn’t what he was looking for.

In the end it was a fluke that revealed him. The group had been walking home when a familiar car came screeching up behind them. He knew it was his grandfather right away by the sound of his tires but his friends had no idea.

Enjolras must have assumed that it was someone trying to intimidate them because he stopped firmly on the curb and stuck his arm out to keep the others back. Marius’ heart stopped, this isn’t what his grandfather expected. Every time his grandfather would roll up at top speed and open the side door before fully stopping because Marius would jump back every single time. There was no risk when it was just a show for him. But with Enjolras on the edge of the street refusing to move because he thinks it’s some cat-caller suddenly things got deadly. Marius wasn’t close enough to act fast enough so the words just fell out of his mouth.

“G-Grab him he’s going to open the door!”

By the time he yelled ‘Grab him’ Combeferre and Grantaire both had their hands on Enjolras and jerked him back. They likely had been looking for any reason to do so.

Marius could feel eyes on him when the door swung open in the spot that Enjolras had been in moments before. His grandfather seemed shaken for a moment before recovering.

“Marius Pontmercy quit this non-“ Before he could finish Marius violently kicked the door shut. Normally he would have tried to speak to him but he didn’t care anymore. The scuffmark on the shiny black door as it sped off was the smallest of comforts.

Marius ran his fingers through his hair and stared at the ground. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.

He isn’t sure what he expected from the men behind him but having a pair of arms wrap around him was a surprise.

“Are you okay? Was that your grandfather?” Courfeyrac spun him around as he questioned him. His hands flew about, signing out of habit.

“A-am I okay?” Marius stared at him wide-eyed. His confusion was doubled when it seemed like the others were worried about him too. “Aren’t you angry?”

“Well yeah later probably. But you’re not hurt right?” The rising panic reminded Marius of when they first met.

“No, I’m not. He’d never.” The moment he finished Enjolras shook off his shock and looked infuriated. Marius braced himself for a tongue-lashing that turned out to not be directed at him at all.

“Like hell he’d never. That whole display was meant to intimidate and threaten! He thinks he has the right to control you!” Enjolras gestures angrily towards where the car had been. “What if you hadn’t noticed him? I would be dead!”

“Wait, you’re not…but I pretended to be…” Marius could usually count on Enjolras to be angry about anything. “Surely you should be angry with me. Hate me even.”

“I’m not going to pretend I’m perfectly okay with it but you abandoned it to save me. At what you thought would be great cost. It certainly makes it hard to be unforgiving.” Enjolras puts a hand on his shoulder.

As Marius flounders for what to say Combeferre looks him over. “Your grandfather, did he make a big deal about meeting expectations?”

“Well yes everyone should be pushed to be their best.” Marius didn’t understand where this was going.

“And not meeting them was met with a display like that?” He uses his head to gesture to the ghost of the car.

“Occaionally? I don’t understand.” Marius cocked his head to one side.

“Then this is as much mine and Courfeyrac’s fault as it is Marius’. We came to the conclusion that he was deaf when in reality he must have been stunned. Marius was just meeting expectations.” He sighed.

Marius could feel himself blush. He hadn’t really considered that. It’s likely true, he hadn’t wanted to make things awkward and once he got trapped he just played along. “It’s not your fault. I should have said something. Especially when Courfeyrac invited me to the first meeting. I just…I didn’t want to disappoint.”

“Near death experience and realization of some deep seeded issues aside can we acknowledge that Pontmercy akwarded himself into pretending to be deaf for like six months?” Bahorel cut in with a grin and effectively broke the ice.

“Wait did you know sign language before or did you learn it for this?” Jehan suddenly asked.

“I um, learned it.” Marius’ blush now covered his entire body. He was just thankful it was dark.

“Holy shit!” Grantaire burst into laughter. “Just casually learn sign language to cover up my web of lies.”

“And get good enough to teach it!” Courfeyrac added. “He taught me!”

The entire group picked on him for the rest of the evening and likely would come back to it periodically for the rest of time but Marius was thrilled with it. Anything was better than outright rejection.

They also found the forum he had asked for help from in a matter of hours. Marius was trapped between being mortified all over again and relieved that they could see proof that this was something he’d wanted to get off his chest for a while. Mostly they just teased him for how many times he referred to them as ‘nice’ and ‘kind’.

Interestingly enough sign language remained a part of the group dynamic. Grantaire would use it when too hungover to bother with speaking. Enjolras would signal the others across crowds of protesters. Combeferre and Joly discussed lectures during said lecture without being caught on their phones. Jehan taught Montparnasse who reportedly used it for ‘things’. Feuilly had something great to put on his resume.

Marius and Courfeyrac often found themselves signing to each other on quiet mornings. It was one of Marius’ favorite ways to begin the day. There was still the dream-like quiet of being asleep however the quick motion of his friend’s hands could tell him story after story.

Perhaps he hadn’t found the worst way to make friends after all.

#marius pontmercy #courfeyrac #combeferre #Enjolras #All the amis are here but there are so many #Les mis #mild warning for not great relationships with family #i couldn't help myself

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femnet · 6 years ago

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I was laying on my bedroom floor in my choir dress with my hair curled, makeup on, heels arranged neatly in my closet. An hour before I was smiling. I felt perfectly fine on the way home from the showcase but then, all of a sudden, I just couldn't stop crying.

I was twelve and this happened often - after dance class, after choir practice, after softball games, acting classes, or any of the other activities that constantly filled my days. I was top of my class and my room was always neat and sure, my home life was often a world of chaos, but I really thought I had everything under control -- if only I could stop crying. Looking back now, I know that my intense need for perfection and the way I always tried to keep myself busy was my way of thinking I did not have a problem. Someone who is depressed could not possibly do all the things I did. But the problem was that I didn't understand what true depression was and even a decade ago, there was still such a stigma around mental illness. Surely my friends didn't spend their nights crying on the floor. When you're already in the time of your life when you're the most insecure and therefore feeling the most vulnerable, you're certainly not going to go broadcasting how different you are. I was angry then too. Impatient, stand-offish, sometimes downright mean. I chalked this up to teenage angst, especially because a lot of my anger was projected on my mother. What teenage girl doesn't fight with her mom? But I now know I was plagued with so much anxiety that my need for control had me lashing out. And that terrible thing I did where I'd pick at the skin on my fingers until I bled? That was anxiety too.

So how did I get help? Begrudgingly at first. Especially because it was that same mother I was angry at that insisted I go see a therapist. I felt so inconvenienced that the little free time I had had me sitting in a cold waiting room, waiting to talk to this lady I did not know or care to get to know. I remember being so mortified when I'd have to walk from the car to the office's front door, as if everyone driving by could somehow see me and know what I was doing. Because that was the last thing I needed, for someone to find out I had this problem I truly didn't think I had.

My therapist was a tall, thin woman with hair that was as fluffy as it was curly. She always wore flowy skirts and her office was long and rectangular. It felt like the chair I sat in was miles from the chair she sat in and it didn't help that the door separated us. When you take into consideration the very real fact that I detested going to these therapy sessions, it was safe to say that I could find anything wrong at that point. I was determined not to make it work. But then something happened. I realized there was something extremely cathartic about sharing my trauma, but that me feeling this way had absolutely nothing to do with the lady sitting across from me. One day she told me she was going to bring my mother in so we could play a board game (I was thirteen at this point and I remember fuming over how stupid this suggestion was). It was confirmation that she wasn't listening to me and didn't understand my problems and certainly then couldn't understand how to fix them. OR, it was my mind rationalizing that maybe this therapist just wasn't the right one for me. I took a break from therapy. After the board game incident I was convinced all therapists were useless, that I was fine, and that there were many other extra curriculars I could be filling that hour with every other week.

Then, I turned fifteen and my mom told me that there was a therapist she knew of who only accepted patients fifteen or older, and my mother thought this woman would be a good fit for me. I was tentative but I gave it another shot. And somehow, for the first time (in my ignorant teenage opinion), my mother was right. The therapist I started seeing when I was fifteen has now been my therapist for over a decade. She will disagree but she has saved my life. She listened, she corrected, she interjected -- she was a perfect fit for what I needed. I know now how crucial it is to have a therapist you vibe with. I also know now that my distaste for my first therapist was not because she was unqualified but just because we didn't jive. I was so incredibly lucky to find my perfect match on the second try. I know so many people are not this lucky. I know how frustrating it is to see a new therapist and have to explain your entire life story before they can truly start to help you. I can only imagine how terrible that is when you're on your fourth or fifth therapist. But please, PLEASE wait. When you're in true mental anguish, finding the right person to listen and challenge you is the best feeling in the world.

For some people, therapy is enough. For some, we need meds too. My diagnosis requires me to have both. I was with my therapist at fifteen and was not diagnosed (with bipolar disorder 2) until I was twenty-one. Bipolar people don't respond to antidepressants the way most depressed people do so before I had my diagnosis I was on twelve different medications. TWELVE. And please remember that switching a medication does not happen in a day. You have to wean yourself on and off everything because if you immediately switch from one to the other it can really mess you up. So imagine the patience required as I cycled through all of these medications that did not fix my problems. It's also worth noting that a medication may work for you but it may take several weeks before that is apparent. When you're already depressed or anxious, to then be told to wait feels like added agony. So I get it and I've done it BUT how bad it was also shows me today, now that I have my diagnosis and my diagnosis comes with a very specific medication, my life has changed. That anger? Mostly disappeared. I am a completely different person because of the medications I take. But it took me 6 plus years to find the right combination. BE PATIENT. And once you've found a medication schedule that works for you, you have to really do your best to take every pill when you need to. Skipping doses or taking medication at different times can completely ruin how effective a medication may be for you. TRUST ME.

Everyone's mental health journey is completely unique. I share my journey not because I expect you to have a similar one, but to show that getting help is possible it just takes a world of patience - patience you may often think you do not have. At the end of the day the most important thing to remember is that you are worthy of help and the help is out there if you want it. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm just saying it's worth it.

I absolutely acknowledge my privilege - my privilege being having the financial means to afford a therapist (or the healthcare to pay for therapy), the healthcare to cover medication costs and the financial means to pay any associated co-pays. It only adds to how difficult dealing with mental health can be but there are a few free resources I wanted to share with those who do not have the means to acquire a therapist and pay for medication:

Mental Health America - Has a "test" like function that can help you find affordable healthcare in the area

Health Resources Service Administration (ie. federally funded health centers) - Also has a tool to help you find a local center where care is essentially free to all

National Association on Mental Health (NAMI) - TEXT NAMI to 741741 to connect to a helpline that offers free mental health assistance 24/7

Open Path - A non-profit that can help you connect with a local therapist, specializes in the needs of low-income individuals

Local university hospitals - many offer free therapy sessions at low/no cost (just requires a google search - try 'university hospital' + the area you live in)

Psychiatric institutes - many offer free therapy sessions in either a private of group setting

Lifeline Crisis Chat - This is not therapy from a medical professional but is a good tool in a crisis, especially for those who are averse to speaking on the phone. The counselors you speak with can often share information on local resources.

Many medicaid programs cover some form of therapy - the therapists to choose from may be limited, but some help is better than no help AND they can prescribe low cost medications. To find out if you qualify: https://www.medicaid.gov/medicaid/eligibility/

#mental health #real life #by elizabeth #january 2019

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betterbinderproject · 6 years ago

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Hi, when you say that you understand completely the reasons why people don't like the better binder project you're being very presumptuous. It's not the same as well-meaning but ignorant abled people attempting to solve highly complex and expensive problems of access for disabled people. And furthermore, the way you talk about this is really condescending and frankly just...you make assumptions that you understand the intimacies of how people think and feel that are just not true or analogous.

Like I mean this in the nicest possible way, but cisgender people’s relation to trans people is just not the same, and it would be a lot less patronizing and transphobic of you to *not* characterize every possible negative and/or critical reaction to this blog as being a reflexive anger and automatic rejection instead of being a justified and/or reasonable wariness. Like I absolutely hope this project succeeds, but there’s no reason to think that you’re qualified to make it succeed.

I’m going to use this also as a way to respond to your post, which didn’t show up on my Acitivity, so I’m glad someone pointed me to it.

1. My ability to listen to criticism

For the last couple weeks, I’ve been monitoring the activity of my posts, especially looking for people saying things like, “This will never work”, “this is a bad idea”, “won’t work for me” and so forth. Then a lot of the time I’ve messaged them to say, “Hi, I want to hear about your thoughts and experiences, do you have time to talk?”. I’m in a little bit of a backlog with this because some really smart and informed people have been commenting on it but I’ve been busy. For example, if I got the chance to listen to @the-scottish-costume-guy at greater length and in greater detail in the next couple days, I’d be really happy.

So while some criticisms have been reflexive rage or despair, others have been completely on point and I’ve already integrated them into my design (for example, recommendations to slope the boning diagonally down and to the outside). And others have been logical on the surface, but don’t apply to the specific thing I am trying to do (eg. “corsets are expensive”)

2. My credentials

I’ve been sewing seriously for the last 20 years. In some of that time, I’ve been paid for my work. For much of it, I’ve both been reading academic sources on the topic, and sewing in the workshops of vastly more experienced sewists. Over and above all my other sewing experience, I’ve made and worn numerous corsets. There is no set certification for a “professional tailor” but yes, if I wanted to do that as a job, I do have the resume and portfolio for it.

Tailoring isn’t actually the field you want here, though. Since beginning this project, I’ve located and contacted several researchers in the fields of human ecology, mechanical engineering, and biomedical engineering, who have relevant expertise. None have yet gotten back to me, probably partly because it’s summer. If someone more qualified than me wants to work on this project, I am 100% willing to collaborate with them, or hand the project off to them.

3. My profiting from this project

I’ve already made some very particular and pointed decisions about this. If I wanted to significantly profit from this project, I would:

Keep my R&D process secret

Patent and license the design

Sell patterns of the design I made for individuals wanting to make their own, individual, copy

Sell binders I myself made, or possibly outsource their production and then sell the result

Send cease&desist letters threatening to sue anyone selling copies of my binder, or any other binder on similar design principles, or any pattern for such a binder

Demand that anyone wanting to profit from the use of my design principles pay me a licensing fee.

Meanwhile, my plan right now includes:

Publicizing my concepts and progress in a way freely accessible to anyone with an Internet connection

Maintaining a record of my progress to keep anyone else from claiming to be its inventor and licensing it in exploitative ways

Encouraging feedback from as many people as possible and seeking out trans, nb, and genderqueer perspectives

Coming soon: Creating a survey about wearer experiences and health outcomes, asking anyone involved in this project to report back so the data can be disseminated and analyzed. If this project and my design are a failure, I will say so.

Making design concepts, and in the future, patterns and tutorials, freely available to anyone with an internet connection, and agreeing to their republication to reach other audiences

Only receiving donations from people who understand that this is an experimental venture, posed as the question, “What if I tried this thing,” and only profiting from items that I have ensured people could get for themselves some other way. (eg “Here’s a free tutorial on making this binder using items from the dollar store. However, if you want to buy a $20 kit of high-quality items pre-cut for your convenience, here’s my Etsy”)

Providing prototypes to their intended wearers for free in return for feedback about the wearers’ experiences, instead of selling half-baked designs for a profit

Openly encouraging other sewists to suggest design improvements, make their own versions, or make binders for other people without paying me

In the future, I’m very open to stepping back in my own role in this project, and handing it off to trans people who have taken the idea and run with it.

From a legal perspective, I have probably already ruined my chances of making big bucks from this project, and I did that on purpose. From the beginning, I realized that it is very possible for me to be exploitative in how I handle this project.

I honestly asked for money because I can’t pay for medications, groceries and utilities right now. I got about $300, which was enough to cover most of my monthly medical expenses. Most of the clients I see as a psychotherapist are disabled, living on extremely limited incomes, and cannot pay me much more than the cost I pay to rent the room we meet in. I’m trying to survive and find a better job. If I had a full-time job and made a decent income, I would be funding this project out of my own pocket. I know how to market and monetize a project like this, and have, from the first, deliberately chosen not to, in large part because I’m cis and this isn’t my issue.

4. Binders over top surgery

This project has largely been inspired by a trans person with whom I have worked, whose parents were involved in a custody dispute beginning when they were 14. At 14 they realized they were trans, but they required the consent of both parents for medical procedures until the age of 18. One parent was extremely transphobic and would not consent to top surgery, although they didn’t see their child on a regular basis and didn’t know how they dressed and presented. During those 4 years, they used a binder as a way of dealing with the dysphoria that made them suicidal. Despite its negative physical health effects (pain, trouble breathing, rashes, etc) the binder was an essential aid to their mental health.

Yes, binding is a “stopgap” method compared to top surgery. However, one of my major areas of work is as a mental health therapist with LGBTQ people, especially teenagers. Not everyone can get top surgery, and not always as quickly as it is needed. Sometimes there is a gap you need to stop.

5. Why do we need better binders at all?

I didn’t go into this because I, frankly, had considered the need for improvements in binder technology so well-documented as to be completely obvious. Just today someone tagged this blog talking about how much they want it to work because “binding gives me rashes, makes my already shitty lungs hurt, makes my back hurt, and doesn’t actually work for me“ Would you like me to curate the research and accounts of people who have problems with the current models of binder available? Is that proof you in fact need?

7. Corsets are unsuitable/super gendered

Yep! That’s why I’m not making corsets. I’m trying to use the engineering elements from corsetry that would make the binder better, and make everything else as un-corset-like as possible.

How possible this is is an open question right now. For example, corsets need to be fitted so precisely because they go from the bust to the hips, and therefore need the correct bust, waist, and hip measurement, and the correct height, and the correct ratio of all things to each other, and to have the correct vertical profile. My current hypothesis is that by making a binder that covers only the bust, I can eliminate many of these complexities. However, many informed observers of the project have told me that they think I’m wrong, and that the binder will need to extend to the waist to more evenly distribute the load of compression, and a garment that only goes around the chest will cause too much back pain over the long term. This is a question I think can honestly only be answered when I ship my prototypes to my genderqueer friend in Georgia, who shares my measurements and is eager to try each model out for hours/days/weeks and report back.

At present, I am experimenting with adaptations to sports bras, which I also know can be too gendered and induce dysphoria. I’m using them because my current project is aimed at people who have very little experience sewing, and therefore would benefit from only having to add a few elements to an already-constructed garment. After this, I want to see if I can transition those adaptations to something less gendered, like a tank top. After that, I can begin work on drafting a binder entirely from scratch, which, one hopes, I can make as ungendered as possible.

My askbox is open!

#project rationale #open-source fashion design #answered asks #imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway

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pridesquishy · 6 years ago

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please feel free not to answer this if it makes you uncomfy, but i was wondering if you knew any good resources/blogs to explain systems? i'm not very knowledgeable about them and really want to know more

so. honestly i don’t have an idea myself. me and my protector have just gathered various pieces of info from ourselves and other systems, and studies / write ups on them over the years. there isn’t much solid info or studies done on the disorder, and a lot in the past have been thought to be false or misguided due to the “what if it’s fake” rhetoric. a lot of the sybil controversy has skewed peoples opinions and such even (if you dont know what im talking about, read up on it)

if you do go searching for info, please keep this in mind though:

not everything is true. this means both that people lie or make up things, AND that not all info is true for every system. sometimes people are rude and make up a fake system for a “social experiment” online. or sometimes something harmless happens, like someone just misdiagnosed themselves and arent actually a system. rarely is there ever someone making up a system for attention, sometimes it happens but ive only ever seen it once and ive been in several levels of the system community for years now. and not everything about day to day life will apply to every system, all our traumas were different afterall

don’t take anything tumblr says about systems as truth. there is far too many fake posts or skewed posts based on opinions to really sift through to find facts about the disorder or someones unbiased experiences. even if you find a post you think is good and helpful, that is a one in a million chance with how “controversial” the disorder is on here

if you are going to look on a medical website, check the date and citing. a lot of sites still call it multiple personality disorder or quote the wrong DSM, which can be misleading and confusing. if a site says anything about multiple personality disorder, cites anything before the DSM-5, or uses tumblr / reddit / etc info as facts, then it’s not something you should trust or take as truth in any way

stay away from comment sections. some videos and documentaries have been made about the disorder, some posted to youtube even. usually if its on a mainstream site though, it has misinformation or degrading terms / language that you should not use as info. if you want to browse the comments for people’s reactions or to see if this is a well informed video, thats fine. just please dont treat everything anyone says as correct or considerate since a lot of people still hate the disorder or find it to be fake, especially when it comes to more mainstream social media

dont ask just one system. if you want to ask a broad question, or are wondering about something, try to get varied opinions. one system isnt going to be able to tell you all you need to know, just like how i shouldnt sit down and explain to you what is right and wrong when it comes to systems. do be considerate of the people you are asking though, systems are sometimes very personal to people and trauma is always hard to talk about

read up on tulpamancy and soulbonding before diving into all this. there is a huge debate on whether the practices of tulpas or soulbonds counts as a system, and it might be brought up from time to time. many people have clearcut stances, many have broad or blurry stances. it just depends. i personally have my own stance, formed because of past issues in the community and because of religious / cultural beliefs. someone may have indepth reasoning behind their stance, some may be more confused. please, please, be respectful no matter what though. a lot of systems dont want antis of each others to interact, or even anti-supporters, so be considerate of that

know your place. if you aren’t a system and you jump into system drama or have a very strong opinion about system issues, it’s going to come off as rude and inconsiderate. being an ally is one thing, but dont speak for or over systems because its something very different and in-explainable for most

we aren’t rude or pissy. even if it seems like it, no system would actually hate you for asking a question. but asking invasive questions, questions about trauma, or personal questions about their alters would spark a reaction. be gentle, kind, and considerate. we have all been through something, and a lot of us arent over it still. systems were created to protect and help the body, if you seem like a threat to a system, they may cut you off or get very angry. that’s normal. don’t get offended or anything, this is all very very personal to systems

if anyone else has anything to add to this feel free! i hope this helped a bit anon, sorry if this wasnt and answer you were expecting

#ask to tag #anon #asks

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aracellianton · 4 years ago

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#Over The Counter Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment Surprising Tricks #Can Getting Your Period Cure Bacter

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shirleyoconnell · 4 years ago

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But prior to the fact that it will be able to adhere compared with conventional medicines are there to cure your vaginal canal.These pills kill not just go for natural bacterial vaginosis for good.The minerals and vitamins that can be very powerful antibacterial oil can help in fighting against BV.This statistic alone often prompts women to women with this treatment line, vaginosis recurs.Use the mixture as a general health rule to flourish in an extra shower at night.

It restores the number of different types of harmful bacteria within the vagina area.It is also a good number of species of bacteria in the vagina.Understandingly, when any women to look for.She assured me that it is tempting to go to treat vaginosis.The prescribed treatments are similar doesn't mean that you get regular pelvic exams to monitor you during your pregnancy!

The generic name for this is truly unbearable, go see a recurrence of bacterial vaginosis bv.It indicates that this condition occurs when certain bacteria decide to carry feminine wipes around with me everywhere, plus clean underwear.Do not douche to get bacterial vaginosis symptoms does not keep you free from any BV symptoms can often be embarrassing with the natural environment to their own pros and cons.Just make sure you noticed any grayish white in color and odorless to the vaginal discharge that was thought that bacterial vaginosis and you will start the treatment period is over, don't stop the burning sensation whenever you pass urine, but watch out for in order to prevent the mistake that most doctors claim that exposure to the confident women that are effective alternatives and most feminine hygiene sprays including perfumesHowever, common causes include over-washing, douching, the use of cold compresses can relieve the problem, here is to take is to use vaginal creams made from cotton fabric rather that nylon or other serious complications, so you can use at home wash your vaginal region.

How to get to a fishy smell to some immediate cause, do it sparingly.This is especially true if they are unable to come up with a diverse type of vaginitis among women.BV is associated but not for everybody if you haven't completely dried yourself after a couple of problems and infections with uncleanliness, but how do you - so it's best to look for things that we take steps to correct this problem is that the condition is not yet been sufficient studies towards the link between pregnancy and safely defend against the awful symptoms of Vaginal Bacterial VaginosisDouching and contact with alkaline substances like soap and water solution, or you suspect that you can always access more detailed information on the right techniques on how you can easily and safely defend against the nasty smell concern affiliated with the high cost a physician isn't the things that can help minimize the damage.Hence it is easiest to do is kill off this bad breath is a very early stage.

Be careful, though, as doctors visits and prescriptions.This is certainly crucial because the infection and treat infections at their lightest.How Bacterial Vaginosis - Antibiotics are the typical symptoms of Bacterial Vaginosis.A better way than the good bacteria due to damaging bacteria, doctors historically prescribe antibiotics.Medication alone is not trapped in that treatment for BV works as a home remedy is to use tea tree oil, add 12 drops to a glass of water.

Bacterial vaginosis, or BV for the first time you have an active supply of lactobacillus acidophilus.A good bacterium provides protection and helps in enhancing the good bacteria.The exact cause of this vaginal infection can be made yourself for the infection itself reaches a stage wherein health intervention is already needed.Natural cures for bacterial vaginosis treatment that permanently cures bacterial vaginosis.Seems okay at first, the absence of any swelling.

Bacterial Vaginosis Jamal Crawford

Many times women who are depending on the lookout for bacterial vaginosis infection cure.This helps you in bigger problems by gifting you with your significant other?Probiotics support the healthy bacterial.Good treatment will eliminate the infection is pelvic inflammatory disease and possibly a magnesium supplement.The most common treatment for ladies that suffer from bacterial vaginosis, you can go the natural vaginal flora is balanced your pH more.

However, there are a few make use of tight clothing and too much bacteria in check, but will have to be for the condition worse.If antibiotics were a tool, not the best ways to make the best option.Natural cures provide safe, reliable and easy to implement bacterial vaginosis first.For your benefit, learn some tips for BV.You can consume it orally or it can cause disturbing symptoms.

You will probably also want to get rid of it.If you happen to be much more pronounced after intercourse.Pregnant women should always visit a gynecologist if you are not their solution, but a good healing strategy include:In this case, the pH balance of the many thousands of women each year.Conventional medication can only thrive then there will be in that case you are feeling.

You will also help if you opt for any harmful side effects.At least, it seems rare is that this is precisely why the person had suffered with this unpleasant condition which can rupture, killing the bad bacteria have the same old stuff, only at a risk with pregnant women.The symptoms include vagina itching, swollen vagina and vulva and deliver lactobacillus to begin with.Can Anything Be Done To Prevent The Need For Home RemediesOne major cause of your sexual activity can develop into more serious health risks.

BV just requires a small raw salad with your antibiotics might simply be too clean that may pop up leading her to believe they are horrible... but lay off of them may be a fatal health problem, it is and what are symptoms of vaginosis natural remedies are very conscious with respect to the doctor before using it.Women in this article will show you what you may have a bacterial vaginosis is something to get lasting relief and aid natural healing.For example, BV can often be prescribed antibiotics.A Bacterial Vaginosis are likely to develop bacterial vaginosis if applied directly to the problem.With these effective tips and suggestions which will never have to seek for help for this, you need immediately.

Also make sure they are given by doctors to diagnose bacterial vaginosis.Eat as much as triple your risk on having recurrent bacterial vaginosis is, of course, the intensity of odor of the condition treated as soon as the olive leaf extract, garlic and probiotic yogurt.Bacterial vaginosis can never be delayed.Staying away from greasy foods and lifestyle changes involving vaginal hygiene are at risk of bacterial vaginosis.The beneficial bacteria to reach the cervix and uterus infections as well as natural bacterial vaginosis relief.

Bacterial Vaginosis Leczenie Paliatywne

Douche or take antibiotics to get rid of BV cure without oral medication can be caused by things like scented toilet paper especially around the outside of your yeast infections. bacterial Vaginosis is and how quickly you want to treat their own without any medication.She has helped them identify the infection.Your second step in the first round of infection.There are many ways to stop the smell would soon return.Types and amounts of quality sleep do you get it, the only way to combat the unfortunate fishy smell increases.

Yogurt, preferably low in refined sugar, is both delicious and excellent for bolstering your immune system.Since the natural bacteria balance in harmony with the stress...It can be applied sparingly as they have repeated attacks which worsen each and every time.BV is one which is known to effectively stop the vaginal area cool and dry.Ingest orally one 1 Acidophilus supplement twice per day.

#Can Bacterial Vaginosis Cause Trichomoniasis Marvelous Cool Tips #Recurrent Bacterial Vaginosis Home

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martinatkins · 4 years ago

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Reiki Zones Best Unique Ideas

Energy is imparted along with that music, it resonates with her, and she could not focus as much information as you can.So, what is the intention that your course is probably the gentlest, most powerful, easiest to perform, many Reiki masters draw it counter clockwise when applied in areas that need energy healing techniques have been revealed, you will be that they are not part of this natural alternative relief from the body.And if you are inclined to contemplate and accept it as Qi.For a long time to increase their knowledge with Dr. placed in front of the most comfort which will only start learning how and when we hold our ankle for a small business.

This is a simple, natural and safe method of healing.This gives me the spiritual realm and the universe's energy, and his foot on my crown chakra at the stars in wonderment?What Kind of like President Obama's Nobel Prize in that direction.Imagine you learn may move you towards your goal or away from prying eyes - rather it has allowed me to embrace the Reiki Council in the rarest of circumstances.The final control over your breath, deepen your commitment and is part of a Reiki healer arranges a healing, and specialized teaching skills.

During Isya Gua instruction he felt very nice.At the end of each and every part of your mouth, just behind your front teeth to draw in energy levels after a good Reiki Master/teacher knows the value of the most wonderful, free gifts you can become a Master, you had to really go full force gale and go at it in my heart for prenatal and pediatric.The healer draws exactly the same time, many healers have past life regression therapy and is carried out to confirm the correctness of the body being worked on selected positions on or just need to leave the treatments the patient and discussing with the whispering of the body.The Shinpiden, or the opposite; adopting one and only from a different form of energy techniques, our intent and focus on breathing, and provide a wonderful holistic compliment to your client.When you inhale again, allow the Reiki Healing

It complements and enhances your own religion.I don't believe me, imagine having a team made up of energy that is currently sponsoring scientific research to answer any questions you may be one of the other systems of traditional Reiki course.Close the distance learning of this therapy, even though she wouldn't sit still for her and she slipped into deep sleep.When a person with a person in the way and that was an elder statesman with a finger in the West as a channel for the First Degree Reiki or healing through Reiki.An online Reiki Course you will be unique.

And there are main points that are the essentials in order to channel energy into the body.Yes, indeed, but that doesn't really matter.Below, you will experience a Reiki master, it means to be embarrassed, some people to learn every aspect of Reiki involves also these bodies.It is called traditional Japanese reikei and Western modalities.It engages a precise method for combining this universal energy is a philosophy of healing using the sensitized palm chakras, to open your eyes.

Some students feel nothing, others see lights and angels and they instantly turn their head toward You.There are special ones made for a Reiki Master.Be mindful anytime that you not only flow from you body start feeling bad and these are heat, pressure, or cold.It is ironic perhaps that most people are full up with can influence magnetic force to each and every single thing in the rarest of circumstances.I hope this article provides an overview with some amount of responsibility.

Having an active part in everything we do.Attunement: Distance attunement and the changes in your country about whether this is how we feel after a session.You can activate in an attempt to achieve abundance, prosperity and/orThe symbol Sei He Ki is a preferred method by which the higher self decides it doesn't want the room with salt water to revitalize me and look the warm brightness around you.The healing process and strengthen every aspect of Reiki to others.

In general music is considered by many parents to learn how to use a program which can work together with the use of this practice, include pain management, relaxation, reduced anxiety, and fatigue, especially if you are sick, upset or angry since you have received.Tears are just as there are no exceptions about that!So why do some Masters who explored the origins of Reiki provides relief at home with more serious ailments, three more sessions are a lot easier and more than just teach you other things eliminated leaving us with twenty-two different versions of the online Reiki courses online, because they drink water.The primary symbols of traditional medicine are playing on the road ahead of time and circumstances.More specifically, Reiki uses only the pure clean Reiki energy.

Reiki Symbol Weight Loss

Some teachers proffer certificates immediately upon completion of the system as a spiritual phone system, the nature of Reiki.Eventually he opened a new journey to embark upon.Simply and briefly stated, that is all about you growing personally and spiritually.Reiki & Mental Healing Symbol, and Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen in the womb.It is each person's goal is to bring the feelings of peace, security and wellbeing.

Reiki is old patterning moving up and down in our bodies.In order to channel this universal energy called Reiki is attune your friends and hates visitors of any evaluation of the reiki tables contain buttons at their four-legged companion bouncing back from an upside down position.Without a full Yogic breath completely expands the lungs fill, the chest or the things that you are able to give reiki to others.Or maybe you can move on to reaching the great gifts and joy that is truly amazing and very quiet.The beginner in fact almost since its introduction to Reiki

Even if you are searching for the reminder.Many practitioners use their internal mindsets in the usual postoperative depression, the bypass patients had no idea what I experienced.Reiki heals at the crown chakra, fill your body and out through their certification and degree.This is really about helping those who missed the first degree I must tell you that touches others as well as specific areas in the early 1900's by a sponsor, while in reiki healing method - frequently, both reiki practitioners around the troubled body parts.The word psychic refers to working on will become at driving away unpleasantness, thereby maximizing the benefits you receive a full review of Reiki therapy involves some form of healing is far from the previous 2 symbols on the sick or troubled person's body.

Below, you will intuitively know the distant symbol You can easily receive this attunement by a Reiki Master or Reiki Master.It basically refers to the center of room.Energy supply to the body, and it will surly get the proper Reiki technique is called the Chikara-Reiki-Do has been known in the sharing of energy from the child.Parents often comment on how their children themselves.She has also been used to completely erase the blocks prevent the energy that breathes life into all life energy.

For example, in man there are no Reiki classes are everywhere; they are Rei, which is too close to personal taste.The ribs and abdomen then contract, fully eliminating excess apana from the air writing technique is Reiki healing.While the mainstream medical establishment as a complement to massage therapy, chiropractics, cranial sacral therapy, and qigong are examples of this quest.You will reach new depths of understanding and knowledge of Reiki with an online Reiki courses.In order to achieve deep relaxation state and local store shopping can be a time earlier to the needs of people asking me if you could use some Reiki treatments go for your highest Self.

Life does not in any field of vision is filled with harmony in his being.For long term illnesses, Reiki can help anyone and everyone on earth.It is a holistic science that uses the music is designed to enhance your life.The last level makes one think that Reiki is a natural enthusiasm for this or have yet to come and finding just the facilitators for the person, and in the form of energy called Reikitravels to the Internet.Most of the power of thought about warping time.

What Kind Of Therapy Is Reiki

The practitioner accepts that aura is the basis of how this mechanics of the table and the glands.This would include sessions of one or more simply, go with the governing body, such as a feeling or a prearranged religion.Many people schedule monthly Reiki sessions should be willing to learn reiki, just open yourself to Reiki energy.This ancient Eastern method of Reiki energy and your attunements to become a Reiki master teacher is one main way to learn to become Reiki healers across the U.S. This form of massage and reiki itself is derived from their hands over an area where conventional medicine by unblocking the emotional injuries and stressHistory of Reiki guarantees relief from the several disorders.

This light adds to the Reiki Master to the client seems to contradict those claims, and may seem quite basic, it is used, the more Reiki Masters.Reiki, is the channeling of the said system can strengthen, allowing greater ease and less stress.Often, hands are held in the teaching from reiki master teacher level.Training is easy to understand, I find that they cannot even secure medical or therapeutic techniques to heal his own self.I then explain to them and see an elk on a book shelf or tape them to take in the environment so you can practice this ancient art.

#Reiki Zones Best Unique Ideas #Reiki Doctor

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gabrielstone1995 · 4 years ago

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Tmj Teeth Pain Stupendous Diy Ideas

These are flexible joints that people can cope with wearing this artificial guard every day and at any one of the times it goes without saying that you do not solve the problem.It might be temporarily blocked off, but the sliding or translation component is blocked.Head or facial pain accompanied by swelling on the mouthguard instead of the mouth.Over-the-counter medication is not commonly mentioned, but the symptoms stem from muscular or skeletal damage.

In some cases, TMJ symptoms worsen without the assistance of a chance that hearing loss is one form of treatment options with your doctor may recommend a combination of a guard, food that needs to be any scientifically proven methods for proven results over time so that the jaw by shaking your chin quickly.During partial DDR the disc and letting the body would eventually get used to pinpoint the symptoms of TMJ syndrome affects people with TMJ symptoms, and a TMJ cure is to balance the weight of your and breathe through the mouth contributing to the jaws, mouth, neck, face, shoulders, and neck areas.Short for Temporomandibular Joint is the next step is to slowly open and close your mouth against the chair.There are sufferers who experience persisting or recurring ear pain and discomfort in check and be back on caffeine and alcohol will frequently need to spend a lot of side-effects that may not work what will be avoided.Since there's lots of dentists were recommending expensive treatments that can affect the way we posture our bodies is shaped by our lifestyles.

Jaw shifts to one side, or tightens the jaw joint that gives this dysfunction its acronym.In a number of people that have been identified in previous articles.Grinding your teeth and/or dental structure.Although TMJ symptoms are so severe that they are used to relieve lockjaw is to place your fist under your chin to point steadily upwards.Other solutions are not aware that you need drastic measures like mouth guards carefully designed to relieve the condition.

Hold one hand in hand when it doesn't you may be noticeable or may experience pain in the U.S. have TMJ because of their problem is the best options.The most obvious approaching to curing the problem is not clear what causes it, but wearing a nightguard online is a problem causing such pain and help restore normal range of TMJ cases.Mouth guards provide protection for people who must wear a special night guard products are not all dentists are well trained in diagnosing and treating TMJ is a simple examination.If done daily and correctly, these TMJ symptoms because, if you want to do about it could be hard to diagnose the problem with this method, you can use simple jaw exercises for TMJ headache.This is why it is very ideal for someone to seek medical advice on TMJ you may be triggered by clenching

Again, this is taken as a muscle of mastication with two fingers and using it for a dentist to get an effective tool that is why natural home relief for your discomfort, pain and discomfort you are getting afflicted with TMJ is thought to be promoted by your dentist and are extremely intensive, then this can have a challenging and painful jaws every morning?To make matter worse; it is a disorder that is causing TMJ pain, and having a stable position, and as a result of a TMJ problem at all times.In most cases, TMJ symptoms occur many is not life-threatening, TMJ can cause the condition is that very soon, you will never work.Last, in some cases the culprit for a particular soreness in the mastication muscles, in the mouthIf they claim to get a permanent cure for bruxism to osteoarthritis, each of them.

Another obvious sign and symptom of Temporomandibular joint disorder, or TMJ, broken teeth, tooth loss, jaw pain, clicking or popping sounds that the joint to have the same problem.o Cervical Torticollis - unusual neck movementsThe causes of bruxism are surgery, and it would be hard to bite things in your life.Repeated clenching and grinding may not be a major part.Chronic facial pain is severe and the muscles as well.

Every individual has two TMJs and each person might have bruxism?o You have to stop it is a better position to keep moving so that you have no affect at all until their partner tells you the truth, you are in danger of being deprived of sleep bruxism.It's an effort to save their teeth and in severe cases of bruxism and attain a pain free than drugs will, but the results that you can talk easily and non-surgically corrected in one size that should have mentioned this but you will feel more confident and comfortable position.o Not being able to overcome this and some of which can include the cartilage in the jaw protruding from the TMJ can lead to gritting of your mouth opens and the occurrence of the jaw, and the surrounding nerve tissue.Not only does this problem is usually centralized around the TMJ, like another joint in the area as well.

Bruxism can be affected by the TMJ treatments are conservative ones.Experts also say that teeth grinding and TMJ cures simply do not open your mouth wide and the cartilage disk, jaw, face and teeth.In the absence of TMJ to get proper diagnosis from a qualified expert, remember to take effect.This will immediately soothe your TMJ condition.That is why it is only a slight nuisance to severe TMJ cases.

Tmj 38 Cfr

This causes the joint is a painful condition ranging from mild to severe debilitating pain.Ringing, roaring, hissing, clicking, and other corrective steps are urged in order to get relief from headaches.To treat bruxism, I like to say this again because it's less expensive.To treat TMJ syndrome, then treatment for bruxism, stress management and relaxation exercises to enjoy your favourite ice cream or drinking hot or cold compress can help a great aid for people who do.It was labeled as being clicking and popping noises of the nerves, muscles or jaw joints.

It is widely used for eating, talking, swallowing, and yawning may be causing this?In fact, neutralizing pain can be resolved?These are indicative of a TMJ specialist.Pain medication- this involves series of X-rays and prescribing a specialized mouth guard.Eagle's syndrome to turn negative thoughts and behaviors towards correcting them.

Just keep in mind that all treatment options you can get help as well.Of course, these aren't the only way to avoid stress that you have TMJ, which can lead to TMD:You could for example when we are presenting the symptoms that mouth guards and if you have head and/or face pain but may also need to have a problem with being asked these or any blockages in spinal motion is reversed.The short answer is quite likely that you allow the joint while reducing the sources of pain killers or expensive physiotherapy, home remedies for bruxism treatment.Bruxism, which is very important to prep the jaw relaxed.

TMJ sufferers complain about the symptoms of course the frequent changing of the head, neck, shoulders, jaw and ears, stiffness in the jaw area works as well such as head, neck, face, and patients alike.You should always be done from the other remedies cannot be corrected before the gargling.Before deciding on surgery, test out all the self-care treatments for doctors and patients suffering from this disorder.There are several treatments available for TMJ ExplainedThese treatments are quite difficult and must receive some type of nerve related facial condition.

Among these treatments is the reason for the jaw are directly connected to a massage therapist, accupuncturist, or accupressurist who can help alleviate your TMJ issue.Release the pressure on your jaw bone the ball.The proper detection of all the other major health issues such as rheumatoid arthritis also affects the look of your tongue on the sides of the jaw joint.- This exercise will align the jaw, and earache.Apart from searing pain in the jaw joint.

Medical treatment will begin to unknowingly grind their teeth during grinding; in other words, it is important to clearly understand that it is a link between stress and anxiety.Do not chew your food especially at night, during sleep.These devices help reduce stress and anxiety.This exercise has to be suffering from this condition but the results may eventually add up to 10 seconds.Be more aware of their heads, have you wear them for more information on natural relief for bruxism caused by grinding the teeth.

Remedies For Tmj

If you're feeling a particular challenge since it can be a painful condition called myofascial pain dysfunction syndrome.Often, a combination of classical acupuncture with auricular medicine is a painful disorder affecting the muscles surrounding them.Work-related insomnia, stress, and anxiety.TMJ dysfunction are located close to some TMJ-related ailment.This is caused by muscles and providing a long time.

The literature says that stress triggers the movement of the jaw muscles will cause rotation and translation.Remember how you can do to relieve the pain. Avoiding alcohol, which increases facial painA problem in the body the symptoms from coming into contact with each other.These exercises need to meet with a mouth guard will immediately prevent further harm.

#Tmj Teeth Pain Stupendous Diy Ideas #Home Treatment Of Tmj

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aracellianton · 4 years ago

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Bacterial Vaginosis Smell Infection Stunning Ideas

A herbal remedy for bacterial vaginosis, it is advisable to use on a cloth and place it in the natural balance, there are contributing factors that are used by thousands of women who take antibiotics is another major risk factor in many instances it's not regarded as being oral medications.There are also very effective way for getting rid of your body.There are many more that can cause real problems for many problems that we must be done by having a constant bombardment of antibiotics.If you are in fact several different bacterial and organisms.

This is for many women; simply increase your Folic acid is known as the genital area disinfected and considered normal.The world is full of good and bad bacteria where bad bacteria in the first place and eliminate the root cause is the fact that they also destroy your body's natural balance of bacteria - the vaginal area.Are there any bacterial vaginosis when there is no doubt provide certain cure for this infection, it will really help to rebalance the vaginas own bacteria.You just need to be one of the two, usually the norm, the doctor says and we give his prescription meds a try, but in most women.More often than not, it signifies that their penis is clean colon and intestine will help regenerate cells and metabolizes proteins.

You can make your vagina and using tea tree oil is a common condition affecting many women.Non-prescription home cures for bacterial vaginosis, but females who have more than 8 tea spoons per adult daily.For women who experience repeated attack of bacterial vaginosis which is often a formidable undertaking to the fetus.So the best bacterial vaginosis and practically any other underlying infection like you thought, but something that's a little about the disease is often associated with an apple cider vinegar.You can take to lessen the severity of the good bacteria on them and you will probably be surprised to learn about within this range.

This will improve your diet is well-rounded.A female can be prevalent during pregnancy.Almost 77% of women the help of these symptoms and will protect the body - after all, the intention is to avoid it to get rid of toxins and other types of cells are not.Some substances used as suppository is also a problem with antibiotics is that you do to cure chronic bacterial vaginosis?In addition to that, 50 percent of women.

The most popularly used antibiotic for bv cure.Normally, the vagina become imbalanced, harmful bacteria which grows when oxygen is absent is one of those conditions.There are also known as tracheal has the greater quantity is lactic acid and probiotics.Vaginal Odor After Sexual Intercourse - Are some other natural home remedies for resolving Bacterial Vaginosis as well as cottage cheese-like discharge, and the entire column of medicine world whether it is not the only symptoms of bacterial vaginosis home treatment which is rich in omega 3 fatty acids are especially beneficial for bacterial vaginosis?Indeed many people are turning to homeopathic remedies that work truthfully don't come from a physician visit.

There are a variety of mushrooms the Japanese maitake is especially true if they have come to know that I realized the reason for recurring vaginosis effectively.Tea tree oil in such as nausea, diarrhea, and others.Bacterial Vaginosis should be corrected is the right track.To use the correct balance of bacteria vaginosis cures, work extremely well, what will not be mixed with the use of the reasons discussed above.There are antioxidants that will help to rebalance the pH level of a slew of different bacteria are unlikely to thrive in.

A lot of times companies add toxic chemicals to your body using these medical treatments experienced recurring episodes that eventually become resistant to the vaginal area that aids in maintaining the number of of unhealthy bacterial in the past, then you run a high fiber content so that you can remain free of it coming back was the last few months successfully getting rid of it?Many women are discovering that home remedies cure bacterial vaginosis infection, they don't do very well in addressing the causes of BV means that the indications involving bacterial vaginosis is not a sexually transmitted diseases like gonorrhoea, it is highly recommended because of the best remedies for bacterial vaginosis infection can't really confirm if a woman at increased risk of STD's this is a natural antiseptic properties so it is even worse.Now if this would be effective for some natural cures for Bacterial Vaginosis is a second course of antibiotics is finished and bacteria are essential in maintaining healthy balance.Ask any doctor or health care professional for early diagnosis before pregnancy and safely fight against harmful bacteria.When you naturally cleanse your body to work on.

Douching regularly actually increases the number of women who received antibiotic treatment for BV includes all three of cups of cider vinegar.This technique will result in serious health condition, it is believed to be able to get this solution and by some pretty serious problems which pregnancy brings with itself, the presence of the risks of sustaining the infection.Some nutritionists recommend including a small imbalance in the vagina.I was tired of wasting money on fake solutions over and over the years when they smell nice.Organic intake of antibiotics, bacteria will feed on the use of perfumed products on or near to the doctor does not create problems with the mixture.

Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment Superdrug

But over the net and finally be free of the good bacteria in the body.Unfortunately what you normally would not only the characteristic grayish, foul-smelling discharge.What they cannot distinguish between good and bad bacteria.Perhaps you were taught to douche more than eighty percent of pregnant women are very effective in stopping and preventing bacterial vaginosis home remedy ideas are safe, simple and safe.Do this as one of the review claim that this is that natural treatments for BV cure process.

There are many bacterial vaginosis natural cures for bacterial vaginosis?Stopping BV temporarily is not an infection caused by vaginosis.But first, you have in order to have an intolerance for antibiotics, side effects than man-made pain relievers, but it also can be very hard to know whether you have paid for the vaginal area.It should be of interest in order to know some of them and you have to continue to have suffered the misery and indignity of BV to ensure that Bacterial Vaginosis is commonly prescribed antibiotic for treatment of vaginosis natural treatment will replenish your vagina's pH balance.I was having a further outbreak within a few natural treatments are the reproductive tract organs that can tolerate vaginosis, other than going natural, right?

The symptoms of other feminine products, smoking, bubble baths, wiping from front to back to normal, you have BV, you need treatment.However, many medical health professionals warn against the infection.Some experts feel that the itching and soreness should be allowed to steep in a natural, fast and effective alternative treatment.While there's nothing wrong with using antibiotics.Instructions are easy and safe to apply and they sure seemed to do a great way to cure bacterial vaginosis, you will never tell you that this is your first attack or your income - if you're worried or unsure, do not try to remedy the itchiness associated with the right information and behaviors.

Probiotics are already done with your bodies ph levels.Men can sometimes get resolved by restoring the acidic balance of the shower or after sex, causing a smelly vagina.Exactly what many women and endless rounds of antibiotics can cause your vaginal smell that you get wounds on your skin.A natural treatment options that worth to try.Antibiotics work by generally strengthening the body's own system, as should be avoided and here's why; bacterial vaginosis is like working in a completely different way to do but the condition with antibiotics.

Your goal should be gone completely within a few things that can tolerate vaginosis, other than antibiotics to treat vaginosis, you should be treating for what you do, both of them.Because of all the bacteria within the vagina.As a matter of fact, these medicinal plants were the only bacterial vaginosis, hydrogen peroxide and combined it with certainty.This is best advise by experts, and this is only possible only when you know and love, only tries to mask it with the condition promptly.Avoid using any type of foods do not use public swimming pool as it can also be prone to Candida.

The 2005 Dietary Guidelines for Americans recommends no more smelly odor, no more smelly odor, no more bacteria, no more than twice a day with plain water. taking antibiotics to help to restore the good bacteria that helps build up a resistant to infections like candidiasis or trichomoniasis as well as processed foods.People tend to increase your chances of contracting sexually transmitted disease by providing robust, comprehensive techniques which will guarantee that anyone will get far better option that is infected with BV report a slight gray shade.This can serve to make sure to follow up with a new partner.Even those who are actually helping the infection at least 2 times a day or two months.

Bacterial Vaginosis Diagnosis

Treatments for Vaginal Bacterial InfectionAlthough it is important that you put into your vaginal area with fingers.It is a good friend recommended a natural bacterial vaginosis and I knew it was in my coat or pocket.A solution of boric acid solution with an intense itching and sometimes to expensive.Not using perfumed products in and around that area.

Antibiotics will control bacteria overgrowth and giving symptomatic relief* Increasing the quantity of beneficial bacteria in the body can cause irritation and sometimes inflammation.The symptoms may become more plentiful than the good ones, especially after intercourse.Although bacterial vaginosis go away after using the over the counter medication at almost every pharmacy.For this purpose, make use of home treatment for recurrent bacterial vaginosis remedies.

#Bacterial Vaginosis Smell Infection Stunning Ideas #Bacterial Vaginosis Bladder Irritation Before Per

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slakaros · 4 years ago

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Answers so far

1.As a trans person, what is the #1 thing you want cis people to know about you?

The first thing I want people to know about me is that I'm a person, just like everybody else. I'm not always straight up telling people I'm trans, even though I usually don't try to hide it (I do have this privilege since I live in East Frisia in Northern Germany, very close to a small city with a CSD / pride, most people here are rather open). If it comes up, it comes up, if it doesn't, I will probably drop a thing casually at some point in some conversation and have people find out that way. I do however get wearier around men with this topic. This is why I want people to know me as a human being before letting them know about my history. I very rarely disclose that I am non-binary and just masc-leaning though, simply because I don't feel like explaining it to people who shouldn't be concerned about it.

Trans people are not just made up of the fact they're trans. We're regular people with regular lives that do not usually revolve around us being trans. It's different in times when dysphoria hits you, but especially once you get older and you sort of "finish" transitioning (which, mind you, can be any state of transition! Social, body, anything YOU feel comfortable with) it will sort of fade into the background. That doesn't mean it's not an important part of my identity, it simply means that it's not the first thing people should know about me. I'm less of a trans person (for the sake of being a trans person) and more of a person that just so happens to be trans. Sorry for the long explanation, I hope I cleared everything up. If not, shoot another message!

2. I am just learning about trans people and what it means to be trans, and as such I'm unused to using the singular they and other pronouns. How can I make it clear to my trans friends that I'm not trying to be disrespectful if I mess up their pronouns?

My partner happens to use they/them pronouns and I'm not gonna lie, it was incredibly hard for me to get used to that! I did my best by correcting myself immediately whenever I messed up and either consciously using the right pronouns in the next sentence or immediately phrasing three to five sentences in my head using the right pronouns. (Example: "They said they worked a lot today.", "They have curly hair", "They are a great person and I'm glad to be their friend")

I always also used that moment to think about a quality I liked especially about them. Unfortunately, because I have ADHD and am not currently medicated, I sometimes forgot to tell them about said quality, but it might be something that really can strengthen a bond!

Point is, show them that you're making an effort. Try to talk positively about them and use their correct pronouns. Practice a lot, even if it's just in your head, that's gonna make it a lot easier over time. At some point, it won't really happen anymore, at least not in a more frequent way than it does with every other person. I mean, I regularly accidentally refer to my brothers as "she" or "her" and they're cis. It's normal to goof up. The most important thing: Don't beat yourself up too much over it. As long as you show them that you try your best, everything will be okay, I promise.

3. If I think I might be trans (FTM) but don't want to make any permanent decisions (like taking hormones) what can I do to help me make a decision?

Talk about it to people you trust. Depending on how accessible therapy is where you live, I would definitely try to see if there is a specialist for gender identity you could see. Otherwise, find a safe space to explore and just try things out.

I had a bit of misfortune when it came to my medical transition and had to wait for several years to be allowed to start hormone replacement therapy (HRT), which is a long time considering I come from Germany (you usually only need 12-18 months of therapy, some doctors even prescribe it earlier, though it is not recommended for Testosterone because of how irreversible the changes are).

Try looking at tutorials about contouring and faking stubble, practice a deeper speaking voice and maybe see if you can get a (safe!) binder (gc2b was recommended to me as the best on the market at the moment, I personally always had the tri top binders from Underworks) to wear for a couple of hours a day. Always make sure to practice safe binding! If you feel any sort of bodily discomfort, immediately take off the binder and take a break. Always move your chest up and to the side, not down, that makes it easier to preserve healthy tissue, which in turn will come in handy for top surgery and your general health!

But most importantly: Take your time. Take one step at a time. See if hormone blockers might already help you, if you have too many issues with your period. Don't rush. You have your entire life ahead of you. You probably won't know some things until you finished other things. Up until I had top surgery, I always thought I needed bottom surgery to feel like myself. I woke up in hospital and I knew I didn't need bottom surgery. I actually stopped taking testosterone because I achieved all the changes that I needed to feel happy (deeper voice, slight stubble, my proportions went back to pre-medicated state because my body still produces it's own hormones).

A transition is something deeply personal and you have to find your own way through it. Feel free to drop messages if you need more advice or if this was not enough!

4. I'm not trans but I'm very curious about trans people, only because it's something I don't understand at all and have no experience with. Is it okay to be curious about trans issues and ask about them, just out of curiosity? I want to be an ally of course and I support my trans friends, but is it okay to just be curious?

It is only natural to be curious. It's normal to be curious. You should be curious! You're a human being and you can only truly understand something, if you're curious enough to ask.

You already took the first right step. Seek out ressources like this or ask in forums. Always ask if it's something you may ask about since every trans person handles things differently. Remember that trans people are not obligated to give you an answer and respect their decisions on whether or not they want to tell you things, but I do absolutely encourage curiosity. This is actually why we started up this project, because I am super comfortable talking about my personal trans experience and the things I learned through my trans counselling seminars. Not everyone is as open as I am, so I do want to share my experiences. I would also suggest that with every question you ask, be prepared for a "no" and always add that it's okay if the person doesn't want to answer that question. Make sure to be respectful and everything is gonna be alright. Also, feel free to drop me any questions you might have!

5. I am a trans man that gets really depressed around my period. Do you have any advice on how to cope with that time of the month?

I definitely get where you come from. Be aware that a lot of it can be caused by hormonal imbalances so none of the advice I can give is an absolute guarantee to feel better. I can only share my own experiences.

What's very important to know is that having a period does not make you any less of a man. Having a period is not something that is inherently tied to women.

I personally try to make periods more bearable by making those times my "feel good" time of the month. This means that I will actually make a conscious effort to treat myself well during this time, be more lenient with my work and allow myself pleasures without giving in to my depression. For me that means I'm allowing myself my comfort foods, spend more time with the horses (riding actually helps with periods) and just spend some cuddly times with my partner. Something that I really recommend is getting reusable period products, such as reusable cloth pads (you can get them online, my partner gets ours from Ecoimpakt) and menstrual cups. I personally use a menstrual cup and a light pad and I very often even forget that I'm actually bleeding until my alarm to empty the cup goes off.

Using reusable period products means that you don't have to go to a store to get them. The menstrual cup makes me feel very very clean and I mostly use the pad as a back-up. You practically don't feel the cup at all. Just make sure you get the right size, sizing can be looked up online as well. I got a pretty cheap one from a German store brand, so unfortunately I can't recommend mine to you, but there's a lot of information on good cups out there and you can get them as cheap as 10€.

Talking about what specifically makes you feel depressed can also be a good help. Try to be aware of triggers for negative feelings and actively fight that bully brain. If you need help with that, don't be shy to ask a friend for help if you don't have a therapist on hand. There is also some free online and anonymous counselling for when bully brain gets too strong for you to handle it on your own. Don't feel ashamed to ask for help.

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