Pairing: Ash (self-insert)/Balthus
Word Count: About 1.7k
Warnings: Swearing, vague descriptions of injuries and blood, some slightly suggestive lines, Ash is very much emotionally constipated.
Synopsis: After a late-night run-in with some mercenaries, Balthus stumbles back to Abyss bloody and bruised. The only person awake to heal him is the woman he always felt drawn to, Ash. Ash isn't used to having people in her life that she cared for, so why did the thought of him make her feel so... weak? Pre-relationship.
Having lived underground for years, the King of Grappling has little sense of day and night.
As he wipes some blood from his chest, he thinks to himself that clearly, neither did the men his stepmother sent after him.
I'm never coming back. What's it gonna take for that witch to realize that?!
Bloody and bruised, Balthus stumbles his way through the lush green grass of the Monastery to the dark and dusty walls of Abyss. The cold bricks and the horrible, sewer smell are little more of a comfort than the chill of the air outside, but he didn't hate it. A prison to others, a home to him.
Ash is disturbed from her late-night reading by the faint sound of heavy footsteps on the stone stairs leading down to this hell. It was typically dead silent at this hour, so to hear someone... Were they being attacked? But by only one man?
She looks around, and slowly steps out of the Shadow Library to see Abysskeeper on-guard as always. He gives her a look of acknowledgement. To that, Ash gives him a glare.
"I'll take care of it."
Her voice is deep and rough, just like how it always was. Abysskeeper took orders from no one, not even the Garreg Mach keeper whom he found to be more charming than he'd like to admit. And yet, he steps aside at Ash's word. Who was to deny one of Abyss' guardians herself?
... Especially since she'd probably stab him if he didn't.
Ash steps closer to the stairs as the footsteps get louder. A hand resting on the blade by her side, which served as a constant reminder of her being trapped in this world of fighting. There was no escape. Any blood spilled with repayed for more. A horrible cycle, and she was stuck in the middle of it, stuck in her past, stuck in Abyss, stuck in her feelings, stuck in a war, horrified and scared and-
Balthus.
Covered in bruises and cuts, Balthus wipes some of the blood from his cheek with the back of his hand. Ash's hand relaxes, falling back to her side.
"Balthus."
"Ash! Always a pleasure."
And Balthus flashes her a bloody, toothy grin. Ash just rolls her eyes, which Balthus seems to enjoy, judging by the way he threw his head back and laughed.
"Heartless as ever! You wound me, my lady."
Heartless...
Balthus thinks to himself,
She's far from it. I caught her teaching the kids how to read the other day.
Ash ignores the comment and just looks at him blanky. If she was concerned, she didn't show it. If only he knew the way she worried about him, having not come back until so late. What if something happened to him?!
"What happened to you?"
Balthus' expression hardens for a moment before resuming to his usual, easy smirk,
"Oh, you know how it goes, pal. One drink too many, a lost bet, and-"
"Predictable as ever. Pathetic."
But Ash couldn't just let him stand there all beat up. She couldn't bear the sight of him hurt, and she hated to admit it. Why did she care about him so much?
She reaches a hand out to his and grabs his wrist, pulling him into the Shadow Library.
"Woah there- Pal! What are you doing?"
"You're so... so stupid!"
"Jeez, you're mean... Now who's predictable?"
Ash shoves him down onto the table, and Balthus can't help but think that he likes it when she's that harsh with him. The way that her grip hurt so damn good, the way her hair fell in her face as her moved... She was intoxicating. Absolutely fucking intoxicating.
Ash takes off her own long coat and sets it down onto another table. Balthus notices that even through her sleeves, her arms look strong. And Balthus gladly drinks in the sight of her muscles, the healed scars on her forearms from a life of too much war.
"Didn't realize it was going to be this kind of encounter, but I don't mind."
"Shut up. Take off your jacket."
"Ooh, I like it when you talk to me like that, pal. Wanted to see me strip that bad, yeah?"
Ash's breath hitches in her throat. Fuck.
"That's not what I meant and you know it. You're injured and I wanna see-"
"You're not one to waste time... Of course you wanna see! Who'd pass up an opportunity to see the King of Grappling's iron bod?"
Ash groans,
"Can't you just shut up?! Let me heal you, you idiot! You think I'm not worried about you?!"
Ash crosses her arms over her chest. She hopes her yelling didn't wake any of the Abyssians.
Balthus' brown eyes go wide, but he quickly gathers himself and smiles as he takes off his jacket. Slow and steady, making it a show for her. She hates how much it affects her. Balthus was, without a doubt, the most muscular man she had ever seen. And he had a love for walking around shirtless, too. The way he moved...
Ash leans in and runs her fingers over his bare skin, over the defined muscles of his chest, over the bruises all over him. Her touch was light, too light. Balthus wanted more.
"That was one hell of a bar fight.."
Ash's voice is a quiet whisper as she feels his injuries. Feels him.
"I'm going to heal you."
And before Balthus can protest (not that he'd want to), Ash presses a hand to each of his injuries and casts her healing spells.
She casts her spells again and again, and Balthus can feel the pain start to fade away. To distract himself from the burning sting of his bruises fading, he looks at her. Watches her. The way her brown eyes narrowed in concentration...
Ash steps back after she completes her round of healing spells. Even after all her work, some blood remained.
Balthus shifts uncomfortably on the wooden table of the Shadow Library, glancing over at his arm. They cut him, too.
"I'll get bandages."
He's never heard Ash's voice so soft. Even with the healing spells, he couldn't deny that he was getting a little drowsy.
Ash comes back a minute or two later with the best supplies she could manage to get in a place like this. Perhaps she'd pay a visit to the surface soon, steal some new ones. And even if she did get caught, she'd make sure there wasn't a single person left alive to tell the tale.
Slowly but surely, Ash cleans Balthus' wounds. Balthus winces at the sting, but through gritted teeth, he can't resist being cheeky.
"Bet you like this, yeah? Hearing me squirm under your touch."
The best Ash offers him is a racing heart and a scoff,
"That's cute."
Ash presses down extra hard on his cuts, and Balthus yelps.
She looks into his eyes, her eyes just as hard as always, but her lips twitched up in a smirk,
"That's a good boy. Now shut up."
"Ouch... Bit of a sadistic one, aren't you?"
"Only sometimes."
Ash leans in close to see the injuries on his face. Goodness, she was so beautiful up close. Her hair, always a little messy fell into her face. She places a hand on his bare chest.
"Your heart is racing, Balthus. Don't tell me you like having me like this."
Balthus meets her gaze directly,
"One more word from you, pal, and I'll flip you onto this table. Show you who's King around here."
Ash chuckles,
"In this state, I'd like to see you try."
She leans in close to his ear, her voice a dark whisper,
"And who's to say I don't like it better when it's like this?"
Balthus chuckles, and Ash grabs for the bandages, carefully wrapping him up.
Her words were harsh, but her touch was gentle on his skin. Like she didn't want to hurt him even more.
They fall into a silence. Not quite awkward, not quite comfortable. The tension in the air made it hard for them to feel much of anything other than each other.
Inspecting her work, Ash steps away.
"You..."
Ash's voice trembles,
"You can't keep doing this... All you ever do is get beat up."
"It's what I do best, pal!"
"You're an idiot! I can't bear the sight of you like this."
"It's starting to sound to me like you care about my wellbeing."
Ash hesitates, and it takes her a second to respond, thinking about every single word. She couldn't let him know how she really felt. A woman like her didn't do love.
"You're important to the people in Abyss. So don't you dare get yourself killed."
She spends a moment with a hand on his chest, looking so deeply into his eyes. The moment feels like an eternity... But then she rips her gaze away and pulls back, and her touch seems to linger on his skin.
"I'm going to bed, Balthus. Goodnight."
Balthus straightens up on the table,
"Don't want company?"
"You'd wake Constance up. Then you'd be dead for real."
"How about my bed?"
"Then we'd wake Yuri up and never hear the end of it."
"Guess you're right about that, pal."*
Ash yawns before she can get another smart response out, and Balthus finds the gesture oddly cute. She couldn't be much older than him, and she looked so... soft. Sweet. Like there was more to her than he knew.
Ash picks up her coat and begins to walk away. Ash shoots him one last look before she leaves the library. Ash was always an enigma of sorts, and Balthus didn't put too much thought into understanding her. But there was something about that look that he couldn't quite decipher. He felt... odd.
And so, there Balthus is. Half-naked at the dead of night in the middle of the Shadow Library, left to deal with the dulling pain of his wounds (she was a great healer!) and the weird flutter in his chest all alone.
Great.
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I had an epiphany about the greige luxe aesthetic disk horse and I’m here to share it:
Aesthetics are (mostly) neutral things, provided the aesthetic itself isn’t evoking/promoting an ideology that’s rooted in bigotry and/or harming other people. You’re allowed to like greige luxe, which is what I am personally going to call it from now on. Basically, an aesthetic on its own is not good/evil, it didn’t kill your sensei, etc.
Trends, however? Oh, my friends in Christ! My Dear Honeys and Bunches of Oats! Here’s where it gets fun, because trends imply a group of instances within a period of time. A trend is something you can chart out using a graph to say, “this style is being used X (how much it’s used) over Y (a period of months/years).”
When people gripe about the greige luxe nightmare, it’s because we’ve been experiencing it in a gradual crescendo for well over a decade. When a person gripes about a trend, it isn’t a personal attack against people who happen to genuinely have that personal taste, though I’m sure it can often feel like one.
The problem in this specific case is that greige luxe has a lot of cultural baggage rooted in classism (this aesthetic has been promoted by companies sponsoring overpriced brands--looking at you Magnolia Home) and the diluting (literally) of other styles into being watered down. It’s taken the sleek and often fun pop of midcentury, Scandi, and midcentury modern and even rustic styles and literally neutralized them, sanding off the “rough” edges to make it all more appealing to a wider audience.
Don’t believe me? Check out this article from the Guardian from 2022, which discusses that “... the origin of this great wave of grey goes back through centuries of western culture to a longstanding prejudice against bright colors, as explored by the artist David Batchelor in his 2000 book Chromophobia.” It goes on to explain, “Goethe’s Theory of Colors, published in 1810, maintained that bright colors were suited to children and animals, not sophisticated adults. ... Still today, words such as ‘lurid’ and ‘garish’ have negative connotations. ‘Color is often represented as feminine, or Oriental, or primitive, or infantile, rather than grown-up and philosophical and serious … and it’s clearly indexed to issues of race, culture, class and gender,’ says Batchelor.”
The article further elaborates on this by comparing the trend to what is associated with “’refined taste’”-- “’...a desire for the muted, the minimal, the sparse...’ Over the past 15 years, ‘what we have seen is a move from the yellow end of the spectrum to the cooler one – from beige, to greige’, amounting to what Fox calls ‘a desaturating effect’ across culture.” (Context: British art historian James Fox, author of The World According to Colour.)
As for the Sims community? Well... I personally associate the greige trend with permapaywallers and even well-known early access (but contraversial) creators following it excessively, leading popular builders to make lots based almost entirely around this greige luxe nightmare. In addition to cultural baggage, it’s now got community baggage heaped on, and I expect that’s what’s led to the visceral reaction we’re seeing. Basically in the Sims community, greige luxe is a whole thing associated now with appropriated styles that have been watered down, commodified, and associated with “upper class refinement”, especially to the detriment of variety and vitality.
The article does also point out that as society has become more and more polarized, the trend has grown, “...[s]ince the mid-2010s especially, people have sought not to be energized by their homes – but soothed.” And yeah, that tracks-- people want calm, want simple. And that’s okay! I myself genuinely like soothing rooms, color schemes that are softer--neutrals and pastels and washed-out rustica with a soft pop of color here and there. Absolutely lovely.
I also think there’s merit to wanting something more uplifting, and the article references things like recent tentative trends toward more color, like interior designs leaning for warmer tones, red dining rooms coming back into vogue, and even Apple’s more colorful line of products: “It suggests that post-pandemic people are prioritising not serenity in their homes, but joy.”
To bring it all back home: Yeah, like what you like. Just please try to understand that trend fatigue and changing times can and will lead people to yearn for something different, and it never hurts to branch out into new palettes and decor styles. While I understand the “mass appeal” of simple neutral colors and sleek styles, my own personal happiness needs a bit more levity, more vitality, lest I feel washed out and uninspired.
(I do recommend reading the article; it isn’t an actual indictment of greige, but rather a discussion illustrating opinions both for and against and the history of the “neutral” trend.)
Further suggested reading: How Are Color Trends Decided? Article from DraperyStreet in 2017, & Color Trend Predictions for 2023, from LuxeSource in 2022, & Greige, the Color That’s Taking Over Pinterest, from Business Insider in 2015.
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ms dana cyberdragoninfinity do you have any yugioh spinoff merch hunting tips 👉👈🥺
YESSSS WHIRLS AROUND IN MY BIG SPINNING CHAIR. i Love merch hunting and giving merch hunting tips, there's a whole beautiful world of often remarkably inexpensive yugioh merch out there and once you learn how to track it down a new chapter of your life can truly begin. I bestow onto you some of my advice gleaned from about two and a half years of Searching For Merch Like a Tuffle-Sniffing Hog:
(note: while im specifically focusing on ygo spinoff merch here, you can use this advice to find all kinds of cool japan-exclusive merch!! im constantly getting japanese pokemon merch via tips like these, for example.)
Anyway, MERCH HUNTING TIP NUMBER ONE:
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT BUT JAPANESE EXCLUSIVE MERCH ON EBAY. DONT. SAVE YOUR MONEY.
HEAVY SIGH. ebay can be such a useful site but not for this. good god not for this. You might luck out with a stray deal here or there but stuff like japanese exclusive yugioh merch on ebay tends to more often than not be sold for OUTRAGEOUSLY high prices and maybe it's not technically a scam but well your wallet aint gonna be happy about it. Stuff like tiny Cospa keychains get sold for $30, $40, 80 FUCKING US AMERICAN DOLLARS. AND SHIPPING. LOOK AT THIS SHIT
ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS??!??! NIGHTMARE. NIGHTMARE. do not buy spinoff merch from ebay!! INSTEAD....
TIP TWO: come with me. to proxy buying service ❤❤❤❤
I love proxy services SO much. Basically theyre sites that will buy stuff from Japanese shopping sites on your behalf, then hold the goodies in their warehouse until you're ready to ship them over to you! They RULE. THEY ARE LIFECHANGING, FOR THE HUMBLE MERCH HUNTER. And they're all pretty intuitive to learn how to use, theyve got pretty solid FAQs and they'll walk you through how to request items, and theyll often let you search for merch ON their website, making the buying process even easier!
(There's a whole bunch of 'em, though and they all have different fees and amounts of time they'll hold your stuff for free, so you have to do some poking around and figure out which one you like using the most! My favorite go-to is Neokyo, personally; they have some great discount sales, they hold your stuff for free for 45 days, and their item request fees are all really reasonable!! I LOVE THEM. BEEN USING EM FOR YEARS NOW <3)
Anyway the point here, re: proxy sites, not only do they give you easy access to japanese resale sites and all the merch being sold on 'em, it also gives you access to tWay, Way, Waaaaayyy Lower Prices for trinkets and goodies. Like. look at this listing from Mercari JPN (viewed on Neokyo's site,) of the $125 Jack Atlas Phone Charm from my first tip
yeah that is, um. the same charm. AND two other adorable charms. FOR 13 AMERICAN DOLLARS. THIRTEEN. THAT IS. LITERALLY LIKE 90% CHEAPER THAN THAT EBAY LISTING. AND YOURE GETTING MORE STUFF. there is SO much yugioh (and other anime) merch being sold on jpn shopping sites for like. $4-$10. it is ridiculous. and then when proxy sites have discount deals you can get stuff for even CHEAPER sometimes. (theres also, of course, expensive merch lots too, just like with anything, theres just. also listings for stuff sold for less than a fancy dinner for two yknow HHDFGS)
it basically opens a whole new avenue of sites to find goodies on... I like using proxy buyers especially for listings on more general ebay-type sites like JPN Mercari (there is so much good and sometimes really rare stuff on there) and Surugaya (lots of doujins on there if that's your thing,) but also for buying from the main sites New ygo merch drops happen on (Cospa, eeo store, and the official KaibaCorp store in particular are some of the best.)
Ok, so, ya got your proxy service of choice. How do you find the goodies you're looking for?
TIP THREE: GOTTA KNOW THE BEST KEYWORDS!!!
this isnt really a rocket science tip, but, still: search for stuff not just in japanese but use the kanji!! Sometimes i'll just c/p the base characters of a yugioh guy's japanese name off their yugipedia page and then pop that into the mercari search just to see what sorta treats are floating around with them on it. But if going and constantly copy/pasting kanji into the proxy service search is a pain in the neck a lot 'em will auto translate your English searches too! again, theyre all really user friendly, which is great
(the one thing i will say you SHOULD search in english, though, is spinoff names, actually--you pop GX, ZEXAL, ARC-V, etc. into the proxy search and youll get all sorts of stuff for whatever series it is)
OK ONE MORE TIP FOR YA. TIP FOUR: DO WHAT YOU CAN TO GET THE MOST OF SHIPPING COSTS
ok so that is. the one pain, with merch hunting on proxy buying sites: shipping will probably be Expensive. (unless you go for the cheapest seamail options and then get your box maybe 4-6 months from now 🥴 but hey, it's an option! it's there!) I usually end up paying around $30-$50 for my boxes from Neokyo.
BUT you can at least make that shipping cost feel more reasonable if youre shipping A BUNCH OF STUFF. Shipping one (1) little $4 GX character can badge for $30 REALLY sucks, avoid this if you can--with proxies holding your stuff in their warehouse, you can get a bunch of little cheap goodies and just hold 'em until youre ready to get 'em packed and shipped. Then, whenever youre ready/have the money for the shipping cost, get all the stuff youve bought packed into one box, pay for the shipping, and (usually within two weeks--the one tradeoff of the high shipping price is you get that shit FAST) then get your stuff! It's like FUCKIN CHRISTMAS getting a box of proxy-obtained stuff including things from like two months ago i totally forgot i bought. Makes the $40 shipping sting a little less--like, hey, at least i got like 12 damn things in here and i didnt pay $125 for any of them!!!!
ok i think that's all i got. hopefully this is somewhat useful!! folks are always welcome to ask me stuff about merch hunting, like i said i really like helping people get a hold of stuff :3 it's really a lot easier than it seems at first!
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