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bobbystompy · 4 years ago

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My Top 88 Songs Of 2020

Previously: 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

Though we couldn’t get as trim as last year’s 75, still very happy to keep this under 100 for the second year in a row. This was a very difficult year in many ways, but music helped make it more bearable.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track

Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check them out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes the majority of the songs

Usually a pump up video goes here, but 2020 had a different energy, so Michael, take us in.

88) Katy Perry - “Smile”

Even Katy Perry’s good songs are a swirling spiral of maxed out auto-tune. This one is just fine. It’s... fine.

87) All Time Low - “Trouble Is...”

Is All Time Low the Katy Perry of pop punk?

86) Tee Grizzley f/ Payroll Giovanni - “Payroll”

I have never heard of Payroll Giovanni, but I have two questions:

1) Is this his song, and he got Tee to jump on it?

2) Or, did Tee write a song called “Payroll” and think to himself “You know who would be great on this? Payroll Giovanni!”

Favorite stretch:

Listen, we is not the same, you say "door", I say "dough" You say "floor", I say "flow", you say "for sure", I say "fa'sho"

85) Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande - “Rain On Me”

Coming out in 2020 probably hurt this song, because I have no, like, out of the house memories with it. You can only have so much fun with Big Singers Singing over a pulsing beat when it’s coming from the phone in your kitchen as you’re indifferently scrambling eggs.

84) Benjamin Gibbard - “Life In Quarantine”

Now this is a song you can do nothing to; almost feels like it’s reluctant to even exist. It got released in March of 2020, so the outro (“No one is going anywhere soon”) served as a too sad reminder/mantra for what the year was about to be. Second shout out to Gibbard for the many YouTube sets he put together during the early stages of the pandemic (when so many of his peers were trying to figure out the next move).

83) Cardi B f/ Megan Thee Stallion - “WAP”

This felt less like a song and more of a “whoa, did you see the music video?!” and/or a means to relitigate the eternal question “What is the sexual line in music?” And while it was fun to watch people freak the fuck out... the quality itself really needed to be better.

(Note: YouTube video is the edited chorus; explicit version here)

82) McKayla Maroney - “Wake Up Call”

Former Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney -- of medals and memes fame -- dips her toe into the music waters. It’s inside-the-box modern pop music. One thing that’s hard to escape: it doesn’t really sound like her.

81) Chelsea Cutler - “Sad Tonight”

He vocals really remind me of Alessia Cara.

80) blink-182 - “Quarantine”

Blink doing a Bad Religion impression. Docked a few points for the very weak chorus lyrics (“Quarantine, fuck this disease”). That said, as serious as the song comes off, there are some clever punchlines to be found.

79) Dave Hause & Brian Fallon - “Long Ride Home”

This is kind of a nothing song, but it’s easy listening. Also, if your guitar leads can’t clear the “Could Bobby have written or performed this?” bar, then said leads are probably pretty weak.

78) Travis Scott & Kid Cudi - “THE SCOTTS”

Two artists who pair so well together, it’s hard to tell who exudes more influence on the track (eh, that’s not true, it’s Travis Scott, but Kid Cudi is more of a roommate than guest). They want you to be high by the time the instrumental outro hits.

77) The Strokes - “Bad Decisions”

The beginning sound feels somewhat evolved, but by the time Julian Casablancas croons “Making bad decisions”, the song feels like it could be on their debut album “Is This It?”. And it goes in and out like that from there.

76) Thundercat - “Dragonball Durag”

Thundercat is one of those artists I wish I liked more, but when the occasional track does hit, it’s a momentary glimpse into what real fans seem to always see.

75) TI f/ Lil Baby - “Pardon”

Standard fare. Lil Baby’s cameo is very meh.

74) Porches - “Do U Wanna”

For a song that repeatedly asks “Do you want to dance?”, it sure makes you feel like you’re moving in slow motion.

73) NOFX - “Thatcher Fucked The Kids”

On the best-named album of the year (“West Coast vs. Wessex”), Frank Turner and NOFX cover each other’s material. To start us off, the legends take a song from 12 years ago about British politics from 40 years ago and, well, very easily apply it to right god damn now in America.

72) The Bombpops - “Dearly Departed”

Ahh, my year’s first cancelled concert. The listed names in V1 always make me want to skip this song -- but patience, grasshopper. Chorus is aight.

71) Ratboys - “Alien With A Sleep Mask On”

This band name will never match what the music sounds like.

70) Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - “She’s There”

The vocals in this song channel, like, four completely different singers for me, ranging from Bob Dylan to Cloud Nothings.

69) NOBRO - “Don’t Die”

An anthemic chorus meant to be belted in a room with sweaty strangers.

68) Oliver Tree f/ blink-182 - “Let Me Down”

The original solo version of this song is 1:52, and though the blink cameo pushes it over the dreaded two minute mark, it adds enough diversity to justify the choice (keep an eye out for the quick Green Day lyrical nod in the back half).

67) AJJ - “Normalization Blues”

This dropped in January, and if you thought the year was bad then. Punk News:

I'll admit I do want the album to age badly because I really don't want to have to listen to it years later and still say this is the world we're living in.

Said album being titled “Good Luck Everybody” is straight cryptic.

66) Selena Gomez - “Rare”

Very chill for big pop; triplet rhythm singing in the chorus gets me erry time.

65) Kid Cudi & Eminem - “The Adventures Of Moon Man & Slim Shady”

Cudi’s second split collab yields bigger results than his Travis Scott joint (admittedly with a worse beat here). It rarely ever hurts to let Eminem do the heavy lifting.

64) Alkaline Trio - “Smokestack”

A little cheerier than the average Alk3 song, but Dan Andriano seems like he’s been in a great place for a long time now; confident and in control. For me, the whole song builds up to the “You changed my life” chorus.

63) Frank Turner - “Scavenger Type”

Here, Frank takes on the acoustic closer to NOFX’s legendary 1994 album “Punk In Drublic”. Though the energy boost is most noticeable, my favorite part is how you can hear how much Turner loves this song as his melody bursts on the verses.

62) Mike Posner - “Alone In A Mansion”

Mike Posner, an artist I have a very soft spot for, released a storytelling concept album in 2020. From the intro track:

This album was written, recorded, and produced over a period of two weeks in Detroit, Michigan in my parents' basement. It's meant to be listened to all the way through. At least on the first listen. And it's about 36 minutes long. If you can't devote 36 minutes of undivided attention to this album, I again politely ask that you turn it off and return at a later time. I love you and I thank you for taking the time to listen in the first place. Also, it's important to note that the characters and the stories in this album are completely fictional. In addition, anyone struggling with a mental illness - depression, schizophrenia - should not listen to this album. Turn it off.

So those are the stakes. Pulling this song -- the record’s closer -- feels unfair void of context, but them’s the breaks.

61) Nada Surf - “Just Wait”

Heavy hitting chorus without having to be heavy; this could really work in a movie.

60) Matt Pond PA - “Wild Heart”

This having only 805 views on YouTube is criminal.

59) Liquid Death - “Unnecessary And Unimpressive”

Liquid Death -- in this iteration -- is a punk rock supergroup with members of Rise Against, Anti-Flag, The Lawrence Arms, and The Bombpops. If that didn’t interest you enough, all lyrics in the project (which, I believe, is for charity) come from hateful comments or negative reviews. Of the four artists involved, this sounds most like a Bombpops song, with Jen on lead vocals as others chime in.

58) PUP - “Rot”

Off my silver medalist for album name of the year (“This Place Sucks Ass”), PUP doesn’t do anything new here, but it was relieving to see them still going in 2020 when so many others got roadblocked, both physically and creatively.

57) Paul Harrold and the Nuclear Bandits - “Massanutten”

This reminds me of local Chicago artist Al Scorch. So much earnestness in the vocals, but a little more prairie for Harrold compared to speakeasy for Scorch. This would be a good road trip song. And I’m not talking about singalong... more for the stretch where you want to sit in silence and look out at the sun-kissed land blazing by. The song’s greatest victory is getting me to like something that cracks 6:00.

Note to future me: Massanutten is in Virginia (saved you a Google).

56) Kesha f/ Sturgill Simpson, Brian Wilson & Wrabel - “Resentment”

Kesha has been vulnerable in the past but never this stripped down sonically; the chorus would feel right at home on a country radio station. Love a good bridge, too.

55) Megan Thee Stallion f/ Beyoncé - “Savage (Remix)”

An up-and-comer pairing with a legend rarely lets down when both sides are this locked in. Bey wins. Fav line: “If you don't jump to put jeans on, baby, you don't feel my pain”.

She matches flows with Megan but also brings melody. Her blessing takes this song from pretty damn good to undeniably great.

That beat, too.

54) Red City Radio - “Baby Of The Year”

If all you want to do right now is grab a drink in a bar, here is a video built to troll.

(Also: a Liquid Death cameo?!)

53) Nathaniel Rateliff - “And It’s Still Alright”

The last time Mr. Rateliff had our attention, he just wanted a drink. That hit had a chorus with the very-sad-when-removed-from-the-song “If I can't get clean, I'm gonna drink my life away” lyric. Well, our man got sober since. And when the party is over, the introspection comes.

52) Direct Hit! - “HAVE YOU SEEN IT?”

Listening to slowed down Direct Hit! is like watching Usain Bolt lightly jog. It kinda makes sense because the core action is there, but it also feels sort of incorrect.

51) Hayley Williams - “Dead Horse”

Solo Hayley songs have this feel like they could do anything at any time... but then don’t. This one does the same until a very fun chorus breaks it up.

50) Kid Cudi f/ Phoebe Bridgers - “Lovin’ Me”

Probably the most improbable collab on this list (if 2020 hadn’t repeatedly taught us to not be surprised by anything).

49) The Homeless Gospel Choir - “Don’t Compare”

Listening to The Homeless Gospel Choir is kind of like getting a dedicated pep talk from a good friend... while fire rains down from the sky.

48) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Let’s Sort The Whole Thing Out”

Queen vocals with one prince of a tempo; this chorus is Sour Patch Kids riding Twix logs down a soda pop waterfall -- and it’s a b-side.

47) Green Day - “Meet Me On The Roof”

I like this song because it reminds me of summer and because it doesn’t really sound like Green Day (but still totally does).

46) Broadway Calls - “Meet Me On The Moon”

Promise -- swear -- I was gonna compare this Broadway Calls song to Green Day before realizing they both had titles about meeting in an escalated location. That said, I did put them next together on purpose to more coherently make this point.

45) David Rokos - “Building Bridges”

My buddy Dave wrote this song, and I think I’ve asked him three times what “burning sugar” meant (he says it’s a reference to absinthe). This song will make you want to travel to enjoy not only the places but the people around you.

44) Charli XCX - “claws”

Charli XCX keeps it futuristic in a video that could be described as sexy, cheesy, goofy, and playful-yet-serious.

43) Brian Fallon - “Lonely For You Only”

This is too easy and should not work (and maybe doesn’t). But that chorus... that circular phrasing... it still takes me all the way out. But I’m the same cat who proposed while a Gaslight Anthem cover was playing.

42) Waxahatchee - “Fire”

This song could be in a different language and hit just as hard.

41) Harry Styles - “Adore You”

Purifying pop.

40) Local H - “Hold That Thought”

Hardest rock song thus far. Local H was one of the first artists to play “live” once the lockdown hit (on a simultaneous YouTube/Facebook stream), and watching them attack music in their Chicago practice bunker felt a little bit like taking in the end of the world. New songs, old songs, covers -- it didn’t matter; their cool, unmatched apathy fits a pandemic or peacetime.

Ironically, was able to see them live in 2020, as they played a socially distanced, outdoor drive up concert in a minor league baseball parking lot. It wasn’t the same, but it was still something.

39) Crazy & The Brains - “I Don’t Deliver Pizza Anymore”

This song is just cool*. The verses feel tense and crucial, it starts to unspool in the pre-chorus, and the chorus itself feels like a light comedown more than anything else.

(* - though the lyric video is docked some points for spelling y’all as “ya’ll”)

38) Drake f/ Fivio Foreign & Sosa Geek - “Demons”

Menacing Drizzy can be very fun from time to time. Also more than happy to keep “Toosie Slide” very far away from this list.

37) Hey Dad!!! - “Life’s Alright”

Small band, big song; though summer feels light-years away.

36) insignificant other - “i’m so glad i feel this way about you”

This song lands a big haymaker in the first few seconds, so it was probably a good call to pull back some for the chorus and, eventually, outro.

35) BTS - “Dynamite”

Heard they made the lyrics bad on purpose for their English hit, which makes sense, because they’re bad. That said, if you listen knowing they’re supposed to be bad, it kinda makes them... good? Listen, 771 million views would have me singing nursery rhymes in Pig Latin.

34) DaBaby f/ RODDY RICCH - “ROCKSTAR”

Someone said this could be the song of the summer, but, because there wasn’t really a summer, I feel like I only heard it once all year. Also, are we really pretending Post Malone* didn’t just do a “like a rockstar” song three years ago?

(* - and N.E.R.D. before that and Cypress Hill before that... though N.E.R.D. only waiting a year after Cypress, so maybe DaBaby actually was patient)

33) The Front Bottoms - “the hard way”

Don’t take it easy on the animal / I am the animal

Not quite sure what this line means, but I fixate on the phrasing every single time. This song sounds resigned in a very self-aware way.

32) The 1975 - “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)”

For a band called The 1975, they sure sound like they’re on their ‘80s shit here. Also, a real thing that happened:

Me: Is he coercing her to get naked?! I thought this band was woke.

/scans lyrics

/notices “She said” before the “Maybe I would like you better if you took off your clothes” line

Me: Ahh.

Sax solo, take us out.

31) Charly Bliss & PUP - “It’s Christmas And I Fucking Miss You”

A song that is already a forever staple on all my future Xmas playlists.

30) 2 Chainz f/ Ty Dolla $ign & Lil Duval - “Can’t Go For That”

Shorty said she love me / I said “I love me back”

This is a real genre blur; rap at its core, but also soulful, funky, and very danceable. Damn creative.

29) Billie Eilish - “Therefore I Am”

Billie's 2020 gave a few singles -- but no new album -- and a body shaming scandal where the backlash to the backlash probably caused more headlines than the tweet that started it all. Still, she stays on cruise control above the clouds; can all eyes be on you if they can’t even make you out?

Video for this is fun, too. Not sure if her running amok in an empty mall is more of a COVID necessity or commentary on the dying retail industry. As always with her, fill in your own blanks for now.

28) Future f/ Drake - “Life Is Good”

This was my most listened to rap song in the first half of the year, and bumping again now, almost forgot how good it is. Drake just chasing one-liner Instagram captions in the first half:

- “Haven’t done my taxes, I’m too turnt up”

- “N****s caught me slipping once, OK, so what?”

- “B****, this is fame not clout, I don’t even know what that’s about”

And, of course, “Workin’ on the weekend like usual”. The man could make anything glamorous. Let’s hit that H&R Block, bro!

Future’s back half is a totally different song and feels mostly like noise, but the vibe is cool, so I don’t even totally mean that in a bad way. You can even make out a “Got Promethazine in my blood and Percocet” lyric to mark your Future bingo card and immediately move on.

27) I’m Glad It’s You - “The Silver Cord”

This song feels like cold air blowing on the back of your neck.

(Sidebar: thought this band was called The Silver Cord until literally right now)

26) The Spill Canvas - “Mercy”

A dreamy, distorted, at-home version of whatever you remember The Spill Canvas sounding like. This song is confessional and at peace, with the Grade A self-loathing we’ve come to love from this band.

25) 100 gecs f/ Charli XCX, Rico Nasty & Kero Kero Bonito - “ringtone (remix)”

100 gecs first hit my radar with the explosively obnoxious “money machine”, but that’s a 2019er, so this remix to “ringtone” will have to do. It’s catchy like a younger sibling persistently singing a song you’re sick of hearing*.

(* - /only child trying to work in sibling analogies)

24) iann dior f/ Machine Gun Kelly & Travis Barker - “Sick And Tired”

Iann Dior -- ...yeah -- channels Juice WRLD on the hook, and MGK/Travis Barker buoy a track that, honestly, doesn’t really even need the help.

23) Nick Lutsko - “Unleash Your Spirit”

Lutsko hit my radar on Twitter with some legendary political anthems (word to the RNC and Dan Bongino + his Dashboard Trump parody). “Unleash Your Spirit” is the song I most fear hearing (or even thinking of) within a few minutes of going to bed. Not because it’s Halloween theme is scary -- because it’s that god damn catchy. It permeates your brain. True story: a week ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with “Bobbing for apples with the boys” so ingrained in my head, it felt like someone was standing there yelling it through a megaphone.

22) Dogleg - “Kawasaki Backflip”

Bad 2020 robbed many concerts from us, and not getting to see this band live might take the cake. I end the year liking them but could have been *all in* with the right performance and the right venue. Also, Song Title of the Year until further notice.

21) Eminem f/ Juice WRLD - “Godzilla”

Eminem has all of the words and all of the lyrical dexterity, but sometimes it feels like there isn’t anything to ground him. Enter: one of the best beats he’s ever spit on and a Juice WRLD hook to give it pop angle. But let’s not put Slim in the corner -- when he starts accelerating at the end, it’s is a true “holy fuck” moment. It sounds faster than if you actually fast forwarded.

The video ends with a touching audio message from Juice WRLD.

20) Soccer Mommy - “circle the drain”

This song is so gloriously ‘90s; it leans in and does not care.

19) Sam Russo - “Always Lost”

The first time I met you, we were on the last bus You passed me a bottle, and I knew you were one of us

Took 25 words to hook me; I was txting friends before the first chorus even hit.

18) Sincere Engineer - “Trust Me”

Deanna Belos pushes her vocals in this one. I asked about the performance, and she said it was one of the first ones they recorded in the studio, but when they were done and listening back to everything, she re-did this track because her throat was much more used to what the song required.

“That’s why it sounds like I’m on roids lol,” she added.

17) Jay Electronica f/ JAY-Z - “Flux Capacitor”

Jay Electronica signed to Roc Nation in November of 2010. At of the start of 2020, he had still -- STILL HOW FUCKING STILL -- not released a debut album. When he announced it was finally dropping in February, it was met with skeptic eyes. He’d “announced” before. Shit, he’d even posted track lists of albums that never saw the light of day. He was a tease’s tease. It ended up getting a release date of March 12. As the pandemic got really bad in the March 11 zone, he finally had an actual reason to delay the proceedings (the plan: a studio live stream listening party*).

But no -- this is Jay Electronica. Why wouldn’t he drop as the world was ending? The same reason why his costar wouldn’t not have a watch like a Saudi prince. It had to end for it to happen. I wish I saved the memes, because they were fantastic. All I have is my own Twitter memory to prove it happened:

I love this song entirely: the “get the gat” hook (soooo New Orleans), Hov calling out the NFL/acquaintances clout chasing his potential death/rapping forever bars, Jay Elect’s ham-fisted and awkward ass Farrakhan line. Everything is exactly where it should be.

Final verdict on the full album: I don’t know, a B or B+? It had a lot more Jay-Z than expected (wooo), but -- and I rarely say this -- it could have actually been longer.

16) New Found Glory - “Greatest Of All Time”

NFG with a song referencing the Jordan-Rodman-Pippen Bulls only a few months before “The Last Dance” aired. Dare we call it marketing genius? The punk beat does not care; the punk beat is too busy taking souls.

15) Dave Hause f/ Amythyst Kiah & Kam Franklin - “Your Ghost”

“I can’t breathe”

On the heels of the George Floyd/BLM protests came Dave Hause’s somber attempt to capture the moment, desperation, and hurt. On a podcast, he said he was aware he might not ever lead the movement but still wanted to contribute something in an effort to use his platform as a white artist to change someone, anyone’s mind going forward.

14) Taylor Swift - “this me trying”

The chorus makes me feel like the crowd is parting like the Red Sea on a high school -- shit, no, middle school -- dance floor; smoke machine and all. Your crush is waiting for you on the other side. What are you going to say?

13) Phoebe Bridgers - “Kyoto”

Phoebe is one of the best lyricists out because of her specificity, but even though this song is about her dad, you can really fit it to your own narrative.

12) The Lawrence Arms - “Last, Last Words”

The Lawrence Arms wrote their new record (which singer Chris McCaughan described as “this end of the world outpost”) prior to the pandemic, but once you start to process album themes -- and research its namesake -- you do wonder. All of this, combined with some “Catcher In The Rye” references, and we’ve got ourselves a winning formula.

Dressed to kill for oblivion

11) New Lenox - “Fairytale Of Gary, Indiana”

Your boy plays drums and is on the cover art for this one. Dave Rokos wrote the tune, which references The Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York”. Good news: no slurs in the Gary version. We’ll have you in and out in 90 seconds. Also: say hello to the recording debut of Alisa Caruso (some backup vox at the end).

10) Beach Slang - “Tommy In The 80s”

My most played song of 2020, but it really was more of a byproduct of how early in the year the album dropped. I’m still such a sucker for it, though. Other than forced nostalgia, not totally sure what the track is about. Did learn Beach Slang recruited former Replacements bassist Tommy Stinson to play on their LP, which was named -- /deepest of breaths -- “The Deadbeat Bang of Heartbreak City” (so maybe it has something to do with that).

9) Juice WRLD f/ Mashmello - “Come & Go”

The :55 mark. Wait until the :55 mark. When the guitar kicks in and tempo doubles, we have a real “oh, shit!” moment. I knew who Juice was when he passed but only “Liquid Dreams”. His 2020 album (“Legends Never Die”) showed us of what could have been; 55 minutes, loaded with cameos and creativity and experimentation. This song had me in its gravitational pull immediately. By the end of the year, they were using it on sports broadcasts, and it felt like a ubiquitous part of the culture.

One of my favorite days of 2020 was visiting the Juice mural in Chicago with my wife. We went impulsively during the day after someone posted a picture on Twitter.

I snapped one of my own and posted to IG with the Signals Midwest lyric “There is such quiet grace in private moments in public spaces”. The band responded with “RIP JUICE”; the perfect online exchange.

Shortly after, I was out with a different group of friends, and we went back at night. This time, it was protected by a fence you had to squeeze past. When we got through, there were kids in there smoking, taking pictures, just hanging out; empty liquor bottles lined the bottom of the mural. Even though it didn’t take all that long to make it there, it still felt like a journey and total ‘movie moment in real life’; a complete rarity in a year like 2020.

8) Mac Miller - “Good News”

Maybe I’ll lay down for a little...

Sadly continuing the theme of artists gone too soon, we have this reflective Mac Miller single, which feels more like self-eulogy than traditional rap. You feel it the entire time. The song crests with “There’s a whole lot more for me waitin’ on the other side”, and it conveys a readiness for whatever happens next.

7) The Dirty Nil - “Done With Drugs”

I don’t pray to Jesus or even own a suit

We lost the creators of our last two songs to substances, and, if we are to take this song at face value, The Dirty Nil don’t want to go down the same path. Drying out never sounded so cool and defiant... until the IKEA suggestion.

6) The Weeknd - “Blinding Lights”

Uptempo Abel is undefeated. My favorite pop song of 2020 has you feeling like you’re speeding through the empty streets of nighttime Las Vegas in a stolen car; indifferent to your environment, only tuned in to your personal desire.

And, on the lamer side of the spectrum, it spawned a catchy TikTok dance.

5) Spanish Love Songs - “Self-Destruction (As A Sensible Career Choice)”

It won’t be this bleak forever... yeah, right.

SLS has always been over-the-top with their lyrics spotlighting the hopelessness of the human condition -- so it was the *perfect* combo to being locked inside with nothing looking to forward to. Bonus: fun cake video.

Though the song’s core is uncut despair, a random moment I remember from 2020 was my wife telling me “I can hear you smiling as you’re singing” from another room as I belted the despondent chorus.

4) Worst Party Ever - “False Teeth”

This song sounds like The Front Bottoms; insecure yet so full.

3) Run The Jewels - “the ground below”

There were a lot of songs *about* 2020, but I’m not sure any artist soundtracked what being alive now is like more than RTJ. My favorite rap song and rap record of 2020.

Fav Killer Mike line: “Not a holy man, but I'm moral in my perversiveness / So I support the sex workers unionizing their services”

Fav El-P line: “I'll slap a dying child he don't pronounce my name correct”

2) The Menzingers - “America Pt. 2″

The Menzingers unexpectedly released an acoustic, re-done version of 2019′s “America (You’re Freaking Me Out)” single. It dropped on my birthday -- June 5th, 2020 -- as the rage in this country boiled over and protesters took to the streets. Though some of the lyrics remained the same, the new ones were changed with true purpose:

Well George Floyd was murdered by a cop The whole world saw the video and watched Now justice is long overdue Grab your pitchforks, we’re heading to Pennsylvania Avenue

I had nothing left when the first pre-chorus hit: “I hope the Devil and Donald and Mitch McConnell rot in hell for all tomorrows”. Tattoo this on my fucking soul.

All funds from the song were donated to Community Bail Funds (via Act Blue) & Campaign Zero. I purchased the track before hearing a note.

1) Machine Gun Kelly - “My Bloody Valentine”

Going into the year, I couldn’t tell you the difference between Machine Gun Kelly and Mac Miller -- now they’re both fixtures in this Top 10. All I really knew about MGK involved tattoos and a rap battle lost to Eminem (not that anyone ever beats Eminem).

In 2020, he took a punk/emo turn, with the services of GOAT drummer Travis Barker and new squeeze Megan Fox at his side. This song’s lyrics could potentially be cheesy but aren’t -- they all land. From the simulation going bad to not wanting “fake love” to all the damn second guessing and the earnestness that just won’t let you off the mat.

Every piece to the puzzle adds something: the messy hair, the Ken doll build, the forced iconic pink guitar that now feels actually iconic. It was almost like no one had any fun this year so he could have all of it on our behalf. There’s a half second shot of him sticking his tongue our during the pre-chorus, a joy 99.99% of us never got to feel.

The album itself was just as fantastic*; a 2000′s pop punk throwback with a Halsey duet, horrible skits (hi, Pete Davidson FaceTime), OpIvy lyrical nod (complete with a royalty check), a warp speed punk track that doesn’t even crack the minute mark, your token 6/8 ballad, acoustic closer (about his daughter), and some experimentation that leaves the new genre but still stays nearby; shades of Lil Peep, if he had Blink-182 as his backing band. Speaking of, please do not miss Travis’ fill at the 2:30 mark.

(* - named “Tickets To My Downfall”... woof)

MGK could get cancelled tomorrow, but we’ll always have this year in a bottle. The acoustic version of the song (sung in a lower resister), the 10 minute making of video (that I watched, uh, twice)... shit, he even turned it into a medley at the start of 2021.

It might be cliche to say “stay winning”, but when someone stacks this many W’s with no end in sight, what the fuck else do you call it? Real love.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading. Here is the Spotify playlist (includes 87 of the 88 songs).

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shifty-as-a-swinging-trapeze · 4 years ago

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Six of Crows Theatre AU

Kaz is the stage manager. Always has a notebook/binder and a criticism ready. Per Haskell is technically the director but everyone gets their notes from Kaz. He’s very demanding and a lot of theatre kids hate him, actors and crew alike, but you have to admit his shows are excellent. When he was a kid he used to go to musical summer camp with jordie. He loved singing and dancing and everything about musical theatre (just imagine a tiny eight year old Kaz flailing around trying to dance and singing in a voice thats high and clear as a bell, like a kid in a church choir or something. Just. Imagine). He doesn’t perform anymore but he still secretly loves theatre and devotes so much time to it but no one is allowed to mention it on pain of death. Once in a blue moon he’ll sing or hum quietly to himself when alone but Inej is the only one who has caught him doing it (she loved it and thought it was beautiful and adorable)

Inej is the choreographer/dance captain. She always choreographs the shows but only performs sometimes. She’s got a nice voice but prefers to stay in the background. She has a mishmash of dance/gymnastics training that often manifests in the form of acro and she’s constantly frustrated that none of the actors know anything about it; all she wants is someone who can lift her in the non-traditional way or do a fun front walkover combo. She knows ballet but it’s not her favorite and would much prefer modern if she had to choose. She hates tap and absolutely refuses to learn or incorporate it into her choreo. Kaz has had to hire someone specifically to do the tap numbers because of this and he gives her grief for it all the time but she Will Not change her mind. When she does perform she often becomes the most featured dancer because of all the crazy bendy flippy stuff she can do. She has been in newsies multiple times. She played spot conlon once. It was badass.

Nina cannot carry a tune in a bucket, but she’s an amazing actor. She absolutely kills it in straight plays, especially in highly emotional scenes. Has been known to bring audiences to tears before. She hasn’t been doing this since she was little, unlike many others, but first discovered it freshman year of high school. She absolutely despises Shakespeare even though she’s incredible at it. Juliet was her first major role and she hated every second of it. The language, the acting, it was all just so pretentious and after the curtain went down on a weeping crowd for the final time she vowed to never do it again. When not acting, she likes to help out in costumes, especially for her friends’ musicals. She’s also often on snack duty during tech week, making sure everyone is getting enough food and staying hydrated when they’re practicing throughout the day and into the night. Always brings in the best snacks but will yell at you if you eat in costume. Do not test her, she will throw hands.

Matthias is on set crew. He likes helping build the set because then he’s free to watch Nina everyone perform later on in production. Will sit in the back rows during dress rehearsals and flaunt the fact that he has nothing to do to the rest of the crows. If it’s a musical Nina will sometimes join him. He had no interest in theatre until Nina dragged him to a production at the end of sophomore year and he low key fell in love with the passion and skill everyone had. He shyly asked if he could join crew next time and set build welcomed him with open arms. He’s got a talent for envisioning awesome sets but has zero ability to put it on paper so Wylan helps him by sketching out his plans. Matthias describes his vision and Wylan does his best to put numbers and measurements to the pieces, and between the two of them they create some amazing stuff (Matthias is like the architect and Wylan is the engineer lol). No one has ever heard Matthias sing before. Nina tried to get him to audition once but he point blank refused. Everyone secretly thinks he has an amazing voice but no one can get him to confirm it.

Jesper is a born performer. He often gets the male lead but isn’t arrogant about it. When he was in elementary school his school would put on “musicals” that the entire grade would participate in and he put his entire five-year-old body into those performances. He was often borrowed by local high schools to play the kids in their productions and this continued into middle school, even when he started doing actual theatre as well. He’s got a great voice and an even better stage presence, but this boy cannot dance to save his life. He’s all leg. Inej has tried so hard but he trips trying to do the most basic step-ball-change. He doesn’t really like straight plays very much, they’re too boring for him most of the time. He wants the flair that musical theatre brings, the pizazz. (This is also partially the fault of his previous directors for choosing the most boringly traditional straight plays to put on, giving Jesper a permanently skewed perception of them).

Wylan plays flute in pit orchestra (I low key wrote this whole thing for him but shhh). His voice is fucking beautiful but he’s painfully shy and self-conscious about it. He does pit in every production but one year one of the main actors drops out and it’s too late to audition for a replacement. Wylan has everyone’s lines and blocking memorized because he’s just Like That and he often helps out Kaz earlier in production before pit is needed (by help I mean he ends up calling out lines whenever anyone needs them and Kaz is too busy squinting at the stage and the actors (scheming face) to bother) Kaz orders Wylan to fill in for the missing guy and though Wylan protests, one Cannot go against the word of Kaz Brekker. He does it and once he comes out of his shell everyone is just like. Damn. This boy can sing. Maybe ends up playing opposite Jesper?? His dad hates that he does theatre because he wants Wylan to be like an accountant or some shit but Wylan is basically like ‘fuck you dad’ and goes on a journey of self discovery where he gains confidence in his abilities and astounds everyone on opening night except for his friends who are so proud of him.

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msbluebell · 5 years ago

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Regarding that double time travel AU, I’d love to see the mental gymnastics Byleth and Dimitri go through to attempt to not to tip off the other that they’re from the future, since they probably don’t realize they both time traveled together.

It gets downright absurd how hard these two are trying to keep the fact they’re from the future from everyone else. Because why the hell would you risk telling someone that? They’d think you’re a liar at best and downright delusional at worst.

So Dimitri and Byleth are obviously trying to work around each other and think that all the changes they both see in each other are the result of the changes they’re making.

And they’re both being total idiots about the whole thing.

Dimitri and Byleth are in love. They are so in love, and they don’t stop BEING in love the whole time. But they both think the other is just a younger version of the person they fell in love with, and that they have no memory of each other, so they’re dancing around each other. You know those posts where the Blue Lions all just watch Dimitri and Byleth dance around each other and totally know they both like each other, and are just waiting for the shoe to drop? Multiply that times one thousand here, because Dimitri is a walking disaster and NOT good at hiding it, and Byleth is stoned faced, but her dad reads her well and knows something is up, and everyone just sort of knows there’s SOMETHING going on there and that there’s no way the two haven’t met before and had feelings involved. No one knows how though, and everyone turns to Dedue and Jeralt, and both can only shrug because by the flames if they know what’s going on.

Sylvain and Annette are DETERMINED to get the story somehow. Hilda is seen in the background trying to listen in to THAT juice bit of gossip (unseen is Edelgard seething in rage because if Dimitri hadn’t had some secret shared history with her than Byleth may have chosen her house. She’s wrong, but that’s her thoughts).

So, yeah, it’s pretty clear something is going on there. Seteth doesn’t mind as long as it doesn’t effect Byleth’s teaching, though, so whatever. Everyone else, though, is curious because how does the Crown Prince of Faerghus and this mercenary have a history that not even her father and Dedue know about?

It becomes a bit overlooked as missions go on and dramatic stuff happens, but everyone is pretty sure Dimitri and Byleth are going make it to graduation before Dimitri takes an arrow to the knee and confesses his love.

Byleth and Dimitri are both oblivious to these rumors, mostly because they’re both too stressed trying to stop the oncoming war. Dimitri also has the stress of adjusting to his body (and, oh god, the guilt about those years in the woods and the four months he spent as a beast in a man’s body. He’ll have to do right by his friends this time). But, yeah, they’re both busy trying to build bridges with the right allies, and find evidence to stop Edelgard’s war, and do right by the right people so they can save lives, and they’re both also looking for answers they need that they didn’t get the first time around, like what were Rhea’s plans for Byleth?

It’s hilarious because they’re both looking for the same things without knowing it, so if they run into each other while investigating they’ll have to bullshit an answer for why they’re there like never before.

(On particularly memorable occasion was Dimitri sneakily trying to invite Mercedes to tea around the same time Jeriza would happen to be walking towards the training grounds so Dimitri could possibly lure him to tea and wear away at him. It’s probably for the best they ran into Byleth trying to coax him into tea instead, and the four of them all shared the strangest tea party ever. Which was just Byleth and Dimitri staring at each other while Jeriza and Mercedes stared at each other, and lots of talk about Mercedes and her sword practice with Dimitri, which had Jeriza glaring at him so harshly that Dimitri swore he was going to melt and challenging him to a duel, which had Byleth claim there would be no duels so long as she was here. It was awful and now Jeriza won’t stop glaring at him.)

Claude ends up stalking them at one point because he can SMELL the conspiracy going on. He corners Dimitri and gets half the information out of him, not the part about being from the future, but Dimitri lets out a half true version where he thinks Edelgard wants to start a war (”I have no proof, but…”) and that there’s some secrets going on with the Church, and suddenly he has an ally.

Meanwhile Jeralt had enough and corners Byleth and gets the whole truth out of here. Suddenly he has to process #AllThatMess, like his own death, and his daughter being in love, and Rhea suddenly going from just his problem to “might be trying to erase my kid” and war. He’s so damn stressed.

Claude and Dimitri bring in their most trusted allies (at Claude’s suggestion because “you can’t do this alone man”) and they get the half true version of the story. And suddenly you have Team Truth with Dimitri, Claude, Hilda, Dedue, Felix, Sylvain, and Ingrid trying to find evidence of Edelgard’s plans while uncovering the Church.

Then you have Team #FuckRhea being lead by Jeralt, featuring Byleth and Sothis (though Jeralt can’t see her) trying to do the same thing, but with dragon-magical god powers, and eventually recruiting Seteth to their cause.

#fe3h #Double Time Travel AU #dimileth #dimitri x byleth #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #byleth eisner #jeralt eisner #felix hugo fraldarius #claude von reigen #sylvain jose gautier #Ingrid #Blue Lions #Blue Lion Route #disaster blue lions #Mercedes #asks

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astralkoo · 5 years ago

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Beautifully Misfit 3

SERIES: Hybrid BTS

‣ Genre: fluff, smutt, hybrid au

‣ Word Count: 7.18k

‣ Pairing(s): skunk!Jimin x reader, puppy!Taehyung x reader, bunny!Jungkook x reader

‣ Warning(s): strong language, little kids being douchebags, angst, wetting bc Tae’s an excitable lil baby ;(, Jungkookie’s speech is still developing, Jimin being a nearsighted angel

‣ to be aware of: sub!jimin, switch!taehyung, switch!jungkook, dom!reader, some kinky ass future happenings, BDSM themes, some heavy angst, and triggering themes.

Summary: you never really saw yourself as a hybrid person. that is, until your best friend introduces you to his hybrid, and you suddenly find yourself craving the companionship. you only intended to bring home one. somewhere between the lines you ended up with three beautifully misfit hybrids who craved nothing but your love.

part. i, ii, iii, iv (coming soon)

A/N; sooo someone mentioned a tag list on my last post and I’ll be starting one! let me know if you’d like to be added! thanks for reading!! and yes. taehyung has his mullet. deal with it.

You were nervous.

But the good kind of nervous.

Standing outside of Taehyung’s door with Hoseok, you felt your heart thudding in your chest.

“Tae…” Hoseok’s knuckles connected gently with the large white door, “I have someone here that would like to meet you.”

There was a quiet shuffling, and then the door was being pulled open. You swear to fuck your heart did a triple backflip at the sight of him. How had you not noticed how beautiful he was before?

He had this beautiful honey skin, free of any blemishes or flaws aside from a faint scar near the round curve of his chin and two adorable freckles, one on the tip of his nose and the other hidden beneath his dark bottom lashes. His cheeks were full and tinted by a faint pink color, matching that of his pouty lips. His eyes were these dark pools of melted chocolate, sparking faintly as he peered through his thick eyelashes. His dark slightly wavy hair was just long enough to form a slight mullet.

Now, on any other person literally in the entire universe you would probably have been repulsed. But on the boy standing in front of you—… oOooOh. It was honestly kind of unfair. The adorable set of dark ears peeking out of his locks and the fluffy tail flicking behind him only added to his precious appearance.

“Hobi!” The hybrid cheered excitedly, launching himself at your guide and wrapping him up in what looked to be a smothering hug. You’d never seen someone so excited to see someone they’d been talking to not ten minutes earlier.

Hoseok only laughed, patting the canine’s back.

“What’re ya doin’ here? I thought I was on punishment? Am I not in trouble any more? That’d be real great because I don’t quite like bein’ in trouble— who’s this?” The hyperactive hybrid’s attention was suddenly directed towards you.

“This is y/n, she asked to meet you.”

You offered a soft smile and a rather coy wave.

Taehyung’s eyes widened in what appeared to be utter disbelief, blinking slowly. “M–me? You wanted to meet me?”

“Of course I did, I saw you and you were just too adorable to resist,” you teased, giving him a lopsided smile.

Flirting was kind of a defense mechanism for you. That and cursing. And drinking. And pretending that you live in a on a secluded island in the middle of nowhere where no one can talk to you, annoy you, or distract you from doing absolutely nothing. But that last one’s just a distant fantasy.

His face blossomed a deep crimson, his ears flopping and his tail tucking between his thighs. He quickly slapped his hands over his rosy cheeks, whimpering, “oh my gosh, oh my gosh,” over and again to himself as he desperately fanned his face.

“D–did I say something wrong?” You murmured to Hoseok worriedly.

He only chuckled and shook his head. “No, don’t worry, Tae just isn’t used to being complimented by such pretty girls, isn’t that right, Tae?” The canine let out a sound of agreement, nodding quickly.

“You’re very pretty,” he blurted loudly, staring at you with massive shining eyes.

You laughed softly, feeling your own face between to jump up a few degrees at his bluntness. “Well, thank you, Taehyung.”

“You can call me Tae if you want! All my friends call me Tae,” his booming voice quickly quieted towards the end of his statement as a shy smile touched upon his lips. How much fucking cuter can he get, Jesus H. Christ have mercy, you silently fawned, biting at the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from lunging at him and wrapping him up in the kind of hug that would protect him from all the evil in the world and never letting go.

“Alright, Tae. My name’s y/n,” you grinned, holding yourself from spitting out the cheesy pick up line that dangled on the tip of your tongue.

“Tae do you mind if we come in?” Hoseok chimed up, gesturing towards his room.

Taehyung quickly shook his head and to your surprise grabbed your hand and eagerly began tugging you into his room.

It was small, but the cozy kind of small. There wasn’t much else beside a bed, bedside table, and a few toys scattered around. What caught your eye most were the many colorful stuffed animals piled up on his bed. It was child like and innocent, and you felt the maternal instinct in you begin to stir impatiently.

“I–it’s a little messy, I’m sorry,” he apologized, ears lowering.

“It’s fine, really! My room is ten times worse than this,” You admitted with a soft chuckle.

That much was true. Just because you had your own house didn’t mean that you were anywhere near responsible enough to keep it clean. In fact, the only time it’s actually tidy is when your aunt comes over and reprimands you for living in a pigsty and— being the clean freak that she is— cleans up the place. While yelling at you, of course.

Taehyung giggles, tail flicking behind him. “Really?”

“Really. I’ve got clothes all over the place, not to mention all of the toys,” you spoke in an exaggerated voice. That last bit about the toys might’ve been a tiny white lie. They were all still boxed up, neatly packed together in the closet of what had previously been your storage room, but would now act as a bedroom for your new hybrid.

His entire body seemed to straighten out, ears raising to their full height while his tails wagging rapidly sped up.

“Toys?” He repeated, eyes getting all wide and shiny. There was a bit of a whine to his voice, his lips beginning to tremble in excitement. You hummed, nodding slowly as a grin touched your features. “Lots of ’em?”

“Too many to count,” you chimed.

This time, the whine that reverberated in his throat was loud and desperate. His tail thumped against the outside of his thighs with each heavy swing.

“What kinds?” He pressed, practically squirming in place.

“All kinds! Sticks, stuffed animals, balls, squeaky toys—”

“Squeaky toys!” He shrieked, quite literally leaping a foot into the air. At this point, his tail was whirling around faster than helicopter blades, and his body was physically vibrating with the raw excitement coursing through his veins.

“Tae, calm down before you—” Hoseok began to warn, stepping forward quickly, eyes wide and worried. But his warning was too little too late. All at once, Taehyung froze, a pathetic whimper leaving his suddenly pouting lips as his cheeks were doused in bright shades of pink and his eyes brimmed with glistening tears.

It took a lowered glance at the slowly darkening crotch of his pants to realize what you had just witness occur.

You blinked, surprised. “Oh shit.”

Within seconds, Taehyung had broken into sobs, collapsing into a crouching position, hands tucked between his thighs in an attempt to hide his little accident from your shocked gaze.

“Tae,” Hoseok sighed, lowering himself at the wailing hybrid’s side, soothing stroking his back, “it’s okay, it was just an accident.”

But his consoling words fell on deaf ears as the puppy howled hopelessly, “s–she ha–hates me n–now! She–she’s dis–disgusted by m–m–me!” Upon hearing his words, you hurriedly shook yourself out of your state of shock and rushed to his side. Dropping to your knees, you began to quickly shake your head.

“No! No, I don’t hate you at all, Tae. I promise, I’m not upset with you in the least!”

“B–but I’m disgusting!” He insisted, words unsteady and strained between gasping cries.

“You’re not disgusting at all, please don’t think that. It’s not your fault, I shouldn’t have gotten you so riled up,” you cooed, hands instinctively going to cup his warm cheeks, thumbing away salty tears from his drenched skin. He whimpered, nuzzling his face into your palms and inhaling deeply. Noticing he wasn’t going to reply, you continued, “one little accident isn’t going to change the way I look at you okay? You don’t have to feel embarrassed or ashamed, I’ll never judge you.”

He was silent for a moment, his big teary eyes shimmering with hope as he stared up at you.

“P–promise?”

Oh shit, there goes your heart again doing those fuckin’ gymnastics tricks.

His voice was so meek and uncertain, yet singed with sanguine.

You could see it now.

How broken he was. The truth shone in his eyes like a god damn lighthouse.

The distrust in his mind, yet the longing to believe your words in his heart. He knew he’d be making himself vulnerable once again if he trusted you. And once he opened up his heart to you, there was no going back. You could chew him up and spit him into the gutter and he’d still come crawling back to you.

He needed you to prove to him that you weren’t going to break his heart like all the others. That you wouldn’t throw him to the curb and abandon him like those in his past. It made you angry to think that someone could be so heartless as to desert this tender hearted boy when he had put his faith into them. How could anyone have toyed with his innocent heart?

You were suddenly filled with determination. The determination to mend his broken heart. To prove to him that you weren’t like his past owners. You would never abandon him. Never bring harm to him.

In a bold gesture, you leaned forward and pressing a feathery kiss to his forehead. He whined softly, eyes fluttering at the unexpected but very welcome show of affection.

“I promise.”

“D–does this mean…” he swallowed anxiously, “you’re… adopting me?”

You paused for dramatic effect.

“Bold of you to assume there’s even the slightest chance that I wouldn’t.”

You could he was about to launch himself at you from the massive boxy grin that ripped itself across his features and how his legs shifted beneath him, but Hoseok was quick to subdue the excitable pup with a gentle shoulder hold. “Woah, lets not get over excited again, Tae. Why don’t you go get washed up and changed, alright?” Taehyung blushed, having realizing his near mistake.

“Okay! I’ll be right back! Don’t go anywhere!” He cried out over his shoulder and he scrambled into what you assumed to be a connected bathroom, not able to calm the smile that had his round cheeks aching. You also couldn’t rid your lips of a smile as you watched him go. It was only then that you felt the thundering of your euphoric heart, and the rush of adrenaline in your veins ease up.

“Holy shit,” you whipped around to face Hoseok, “I’m adopting a hybrid.”

Hoseok snickered at your astonished expression, nodding in confirmation. “Indeed you are. You like him?”

“Like him? Are you crazy? I love him, he’s so fucking cute it’s not even funny. Not to mention a total sweetheart. He’s perfect.” You retorted, hands swinging around for emphasis.

“I’m glad you think so,” he laughed, standing up, “come on, I’ve got some paperwork you’ll need to fill out.”

“But he said to wait,” you blinked up at him as he offered you a hand, which you took and rose to your feet. You didn’t want to leave Taehyung already. But Hoseok shook his head with a soft smile.

“Don’t worry. He’ll catch up as soon as he’s done. I don’t doubt he’s already committed your scent to memory.”

You laughed in surprise, “wonderful.”

He guided you out of Taehyung’s room, and you followed despite your initial hesitation. The sooner you finished the paperwork, the sooner you’d be able to bring him home with you. And good god did you want to take him home with you as soon as humanly possible.

“There are probably a few things you should know about Taehyung,” he cleared his throat, glancing over at you as you made your way down the hallway. You gave him your full attention, nodding for him to continue. “First of all, accidents like that aren’t too uncommon for him. He has a tendency to have accidents when he gets too excited or scared, just as a forewarning. That doesn’t… affect your decision… does it?”

“Of course not! Everyone has their little quirks,” you reassured with a dismissive wave. He let out a breath of relief before continuing.

“Secondly, I might’ve mentioned earlier that he’s been in and out of homes since he was little. Nine to be exact.” Your eyes widened. He’s been in nine homes? And not a one of them stuck? “None of them could handle him properly. And several were abusive.”

“No.” You breathed in horror, feeling a knot for in the pit of your stomach. But Hoseok only nodded solemnly. “I would have never guessed with how upbeat he is.”

“I was surprised, too. But the truth is in his scars. I think he has tried to block that part of his life out instead of facing it. But sometimes, it can all come back to him in an instant. He’s had several panic attacks while in our care, and a few while in homes. He once bit the man who adopted him during one of his fits, bad enough that he had to get stitches.” He explained carefully.

“Does he have specific triggers?”

“I know of a few. Cigarettes, fire, chains, certain words and names can get him sometimes as well. There should be more information in his file.”

You gnawed at the inside of your cheek. It wasn’t that you were second guessing this adoption, not in the least. But you were scared. How could you not be? What if you accidentally triggered a panic attack? What if he hurt himself? What if he hurt you? What if—

“What can I do?” You asked, “if he has a panic attack, what can I do?”

“Help him to breathe properly, that’s most important. He would most likely start hyperventilating and you’ll have to guide him. Reassure him that you’re there. His stuffed animals calm him down pretty quick, too. Just don’t smother him, don’t try to hug him or grab him in any way because he will lash out. Doing that would just make him feel cornered.” You nodded, taking in the information as thoroughly as you could, muttering to yourself to make notes of everything he just said.

“Hopefully, if you’re careful and understanding and good to him, you won’t have to worry about one occurring. He’ll be okay. It’s scary, but I can tell you’ll be able to handle it.”

You cocked a brow. “How can you tell?”

He smiled lightly to himself, simply shrugging with a knowing glint in his eyes. You narrowed your own eyes at him, but just as you were about to question him further, something like a brick wall slammed into you.

“What the fuck—!” you cursed loudly as the air was knocked from your lungs, sending you stumbling backwards. But whatever had rammed into your chest swiftly maneuvered itself behind you, preventing you from falling flat on your ass.

“Jeon Jungkook! Get back here this instant you mutant bunny!” A furious Latina came storming into the hall, soaked from head to toe, with what looked to be soap suds in her dark wavy hair. Her tan face was flushed with an angry crimson, lips pulled into a snarl that had even you cowering under her glare. You felt a harsh tug at the back of your shirt then sent you stumbling into something large, firm, and warm.

There was the unmistakable sound of growling and snorting by your ear. Okay. What the fuck is happening.

“Ms. Navarro, what happened?” Hoseok gasped at her disheveled state.

“That rabbit happened!” She sneered, pointing an accusing finger in your direction. Raising your brows, you pointed a finger first at your own chest (receiving a deadpan look from the woman) before throwing a thumb over your shoulder at whatever was making low grunting noises in your ear.

“What’d he do this time?” Hoseok sighed, rubbing a hand down his face.

“I was trying to get him to take his stupid bath because he’s beginning to stink up the place and he threw me into the tub, fully dressed!” She hissed, before beginning to spew out livid profanities in a Spanish.

“Jungkook,” Hoseok groaned, shooting a disapproving look in the rabbit’s direction, “why would you do that to Ms. Navarro? She was only trying to help you.”

“Bath bad. Don’t want it.” He hissed, the grip he had on the back of you shirt tightening, effectively drawing you even closer to him.

Shit, was it bad that this is the most intimate you’ve been with a guy in a hot minute? You almost snorted out loud at the thought, but stifled it in fear of being reprimanded by the short, yet admittedly terrifying woman standing before you.

“No, bath good for stinky bunnies like you,” She retorted sharply, hands curling into tight fists as the rabbit hybrid stuck his tongue out tauntingly before ducking down behind you. “Why you little—” Hoseok was quick to jump in as she began to storm over to where you stood, effectively scaring the piss out of you.

“Ms. Navarro, why don’t you let me deal with Jungkook, okay? You know how he can get. You can go dry off and get into some new clothes, is that alright?” His voice was like the calm in a hurricane, and the fury seemed to melt from her features within seconds.

She gave a short nod of agreement, shooting one last look of disdain in Jungkook’s direction before turning and stomping off, muttering something about giving him a right whooping with her chancla. When she vanished from sight, you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding in, body deflating.

Placing your palm flat against your chest and feeling the thunderous beating of your heart, you turned to Hoseok with wide eyes. “Well wasn’t she just a ball of sunshine and rainbows.”

He let out a laugh. “That was Ms. Navarro. She’s like the mother figure around here, always keeping everyone in their place. She can be very sweet, believe it or not.”

“Yeah, I don’t,” you grinned playfully. You heard a soft chuckle from behind you, and it was only then that you recalled that there was a bunny hybrid latched onto the back of your shirt. Swiveling your head around, you cocked a curious brow in his direction.

You don’t know exactly what you were expecting him to look like, but it sure as hell wasn’t a large, muscular boy with a face that bore an incredible resemblance to his animalistic half and two proud, brown ears sprouting from his messy dark locks of hair.

“God damn,” you muttered to yourself. His ears twitched in recognition of your words, head tilting adorably in confusion. “Jungkook the mutant bunny, I presume?”

He nodded, staring into your soul with big black sparkling eyes.

“Not much of a talker, huh?”

He nodded, blinking slowly.

“Ah, Jungkookie don’t be rude. Introduce yourself,” Hoseok spoke up, giving the hybrid a look stare.

The bunny stood up straight all of a sudden, hand shooting out in front of him as a look of determination graced his features. “Name Jeon Kookie, twenty year old, rex bunny. Nice meet.”

You stared at him blankly, pondering if it would be possible to fit him in your pocket and bring him home with you right then and there.

Jesus fuck he was adorable.

When you realized he was still waiting for you to shaking his hand, you quickly snapped yourself out of your daze.

“Pleasure to meet you, Kookie. My name’s Y/n,” you smiled up at him, gently sliding your hand into his. It was warm but rough, knuckles covered in scabs and bruises. “Jeez, how’d you get these, huh?”

“Jungkookie can be a little clumsy at times, can’t you, bud?” Hoseok chuckled with a fond shake of his head.

“Kookie plays rough.” The bunny hummed honestly, tapping the back of his hand.

You snorted, “yeah, I can see that— whaaat are you doing.”

The hybrid had unexpectedly leaned forward as you were speaking, getting incredibly close to your face. Close enough that the tip of his nose nearly brushed against yours. Speaking of his nose– it was twitching in a ridiculously bunny–like manner, lips puckering in concentration as his brows furrowed.

“Smells nice. Kookie like.”

“Jungkook, what have I told you about sniffing strangers.” Hoseok scolded him like mother scolded her child for snagging a piece of candy from a convenience store without paying.

The large bunny turned to Hoseok with a faint pout on his lips. “Might not like.”

“That’s right, so you have to ask first.”

Jungkook stared at you unblinkingly, ears twitching forward, “can Kookie sniff?”

Your eyes flashed over the Hoseok, and he must’ve easily picked up on the uncertainty in your eyes. “Smelling helps him determine if you are a potential friend, and assures him that you aren’t a threat. It’s more of a comfort thing for Jungkook, he feels more at ease around people once he knows their scent,” he explained softly, while the bunny awaited your response.

“Uh— I, um… sure, I suppose?” You managed through your confusion, clearing your throat as your voice cracked.

Despite having given him your permission to sniff you— you still yelped in surprise as he buried his nose in the crook of you neck, inhaling deeply. A deep groan vibrated on your skin, making your entire body go rigid, eyes all but popping out of their sockets. Scratch what you said earlier. This was by far the most intimate encounter you’ve had with a man in the past few months– er, years, but who’s counting?

A loud gasp snapped your mind right out of the gutter, your wide eyes easily spotting where it had come from. Taehyung stood at the end of the hall, absolute horror shining in his eyes at the scene laid out before him.

“No! Shoo, bunny! Mine, she’s my owner,” Taehyung shrieked, waving his arms around while rushing to your side and frantically trying to shoo the rabbit off.

The bunny blinked at the puppy hybrid before a cheeky smile graced his features and he turned to you, possessively wrapping his arms around your neck and tugging you into his large body.

“Kookie’s.”

“No! Bad bunny, she already said she’s adopting me, you can’t have her,” Taehyung whined loudly, glaring hard at the larger hybrid.

“Kookie’s.”

“Oh my god.” Your words were strained as the bunny squeezed you hard enough to have your ribcage constricting. Any tighter and he’d pop something out of place.

“Y/n! Tell him! You’re taking me home, not him, you said so!” Taehyung insisted, trying to reach you, only to be bumped to the side as Jungkook maneuvered his body to block the other hybrid.

“Kookie’s now.”

A forlorn howl erupted from Taehyung’s throat, his head tossing back as his knees crumpled beneath him.

You desperately looked towards Hoseok for help, having absolutely no clue what to do in the current situation. Your first time in a hybrid shelter and you’ve managed to break an innocent puppy’s heart and nearly get crushed to death by a gigantic rabbit hybrid.

“Jungkook, Taehyung, that’s enough! You are obviously overwhelming her, please show some consideration,” Hoseok voice boomed in the hallway as he scolded the two hybrids, “Jungkook, let go of her immediately. Taehyung, get off the floor.”

The bunny slowly let his arms drop, taking a sheepish step away from you. Taehyung bit his lip in embarrassment as he pushed himself up, shuffling on his feet. You were surprised at how easily they complied to Hoseok’s demand, especially having seen how Jungkook acting around Ms. Navarro. They must really respect him. Or were mildly terrified of him. Either or seemed fathomable.

“Thank you. Now please go to the common area for a little while and allow y/n to make a decision without you two hounding her and making it more stressful than it already is.”

Taehyung let out a weak protesting whine, only to slump in defeat at the pointed look he received from Hoseok. As both disappeared down the hall, you turned to look at Hoseok, distraught and confused. “What in the actual fucking hell just happened?”

He sheepishly scratched the back of his neck, “well… you see… it would seem that Jungkook has also taking a liking to you.”

“So?”

“So… he wants you to adopt him as well.”

Holy mother of shitness.

Two hybrids? Wanted you to adopt them? You? Why? You’re probably— scratch that, definitely the least qualified person in this entire building to be owning two hybrids. So how the fuck did this happen?

“What do I do?” You asked, desperation seeping into your words.

“Well, you can either choose one…” you had a presentiment of the or that was about to come from his mouth, “or…,” there it is, “you could adopt both.”

“B–both?” You sputtered, damn near choking on air at the suggestion. You owning two hybrids? You owning two hybrids… a puppy and a bunny… they would definitely make the house feel a lot less lonely, that’s for sure. And wasn’t that why you wanted a hybrid in the first place? To rid yourself of the empty, cold feeling of isolation? “Shit, am I crazy for considering it?”

He shrugged, with a quiet chuckle, “only a little. They’re both great hybrids. Both with their… quirks.”

“What’s Jungkook’s deal?” You found yourself curious to learn more about the odd hybrid.

“Jungkook has been here for a two years, just about. His original owners adopted him as a toddler and neglected to teach him basic language skills that young hybrids usually receive from the online courses. He was initially dropped off here because they hadn’t expected him to get so big. It is unusual for a bunny hybrid to reach his height and weight. And he just hasn’t been adopted since. When people are looking for rabbit hybrids, the majority are looking for something small and cute and cuddly. He’s just… not what they’d expect.”

You frowned. “Why are people so shitty.”

“I ask myself that everyday! Working here comes with its perks, but it also makes you realize just how messed up some people are.”

You unfortunately didn’t doubt that for a moment.

Getting one hybrid was a big enough change in and of itself, but two? Could you handle it? Probably not. Would you end up losing your mind before the age of thirty? Most likely. Were you crazy enough to do it anyway?

Yes. Yes you were.

“Alright. I’ve made my decision,” you clapped your hands together loudly, grinning up at Hoseok.

“Already?” He blinked in surprise at how quickly you were able to make up your mind.

“Yup!”

“Who?”

“Both.”

“B–both?” He sputtered in disbelief that you’d actually listened to him, expression mirroring the one you had work earlier. Snickering softly, you nodded. “Do you think you’ll be able to handle it? Taking on two hybrids is a big responsibility. Especially hybrids like Jungkook and Taehyung.”

“Are you trying to dissuade me, Jung Hoseok?”

“No! No, not at all! I just don’t want you to take both home, then realize that you’re not able to handle both of them and end up bringing one or both of them back—” Hoseok let out a yelp of surprise as you took an abrupt step towards him, staring him dead in the eyes.

“I would never do that to either of them. I’m mature enough to know what I can and cannot handle. And if I knew I wouldn’t be able to love those boys the way they deserve to be love then I wouldn’t even be considering taking them in. I’m not some ignorant kid looking for a play thing to enjoy them throw away when I get bored. Like you said earlier… I’m looking for a family. And something about those boys tells me that they’re the perfect fit.”

“Ding, Ding, Ding! Right answer.” He grinned, patting you on the shoulder before smoothly stepping around you and trotting down the hall, “now let’s go adopt you some hybrids.”

You scoffed in amused disbelief upon realizing that that entire little conversation was a set up. “Clever, Jung Hoseok. Real clever,” you chuckled, trailing behind him. He guided you back to the front desk, grabbing all of the paperwork that needed to be filled out in order for the hybrids to legally become yours. The entire way, you couldn’t shake the smile so big that it was making your cheeks ache.

This was crazy, absolutely crazy. Adopting two of the cutest hybrids you’d ever seen in your life in one day… you were definitely questioning your own sanity. But Namjoon said that he’d always be there to help when you needed it. It wasn’t like you were going into this alone, which you were more than just grateful for.

You wondered about every possible thing that came to mind as you filled out the paperwork, page by page, reading over every line with scrutinizing eyes. Most of it was just legal stuff, who would be their vet and such. You’d already gone over most of it with Namjoon in the nights prior to actually coming here so it wasn’t difficult to recall.

Somewhere between the lines you heard a commotion. A group of three teenaged boys (couldn’t be more than thirteen years old) had walked into the shelter, laughing loudly and shoving one another. But their rowdiness quieted as they caught both your and Hoseok’s suspecting gazes, smiling innocently and waving. You got a bad vibe from them, but you tried to focus on finishing the paperwork as Hoseok (begrudgingly) asked what he could help them with.

After another ten some minutes, you reached the last page, brows raising as you read over the last line.

Hybrid’s signature of approval, it read. A faint smile touched your lips.

Hoseok, who’d returned from showing the group to where the hybrids were, must’ve seen the look on your face because he tapped the desk, drawing your attention back to him. “Ready?” You jumped out of your seat, nodding rapidly. He smiled happily at your enthusiasm, nodding towards the door, “let’s go get ‘em.”

By the time you reached the familiar door, your body was buzzing with excitement. All the hybrids had to do was write their signature of approval and they’d be yours.

But unfortunately, they weren’t the first people to catch your attention when the door swung open. In fact, it was the same group of boys as earlier, huddled together in a corner, jeering at a cowering hybrid who was weakly begging them to stop.

“Yah! Get away from him immediately.”

Oooh, Hoseok was maaaad.

The kind of mad where every vein in his neck and forehead was bulging and his face was slowly shifting into fifty shades of red. He stormed over to the group, who now seemed frozen in place at being caught in the act, you following close at his heel. He gathered them up by the backs of their shirts, sharply admonishing them.

“How dare you come in here, into their home, and harass them. How dare you think it’s the least bit acceptable to treat anyone with such disrespect. What will your mothers think about this?” He snarled, glaring eyes jumping from one boy to the next, committing their faces to memory.

“Please don’t call my mom!” One cried out as he dragged them away.

As Hoseok guided the boys out of the room, your eyes flickered back towards the boy. He was crouched against the wall, head tucked into his knees, arms hugging himself with whatever strength remained in his small form. Every few seconds, his body would quiver with what you guessed to be silent sobs. The sight was enough to have your heart shattering into a trillion tiny shards.

Before your mind could ration with your body, your feet were carrying you over to where he sat.

Quietly, you fell to your knees in front of him. He didn’t lift his head, but you knew that he was aware of your presence from the way his small black ears twitched forward, angling themselves attentively in your direction.

“Hello,” you uttered softly, as not to scare him. He was obviously already shaken and deeply upset by what had just occurred and you had no intention of worsening that feeling. When he failed to reply, you continued in that same gentle voice, “are you alright?”

The hybrid scoffed into his arms in disbelief.

You smiled weakly, “stupid question?” He only hummed. “I’m sorry… I’m not great at the whole consoling thing. Kids like that are inconsiderate assholes. Whatever they did or said— don’t believe it, they only want a reaction.”

“But it’s true,” The sharpness of his words caught you off guard, muffled but rigid with hurt and anger, “everything they said was true.”

“What’d they say, hun?” You coaxed carefully, tempted to reach out and touch his hand but knowing that may be crossing a line. He shook his head, burying his face further into the fabric of his sleeves. Sighing, you scooted closer to him, “It’s alright, you can tell me.”

His ears fluttered, as he rolled his neck just enough that he could peek up at you from the corner of his eye, squinting in attempt to get a clear view of your face. There was a moment of hesitation before he spoke again.

“They said… that nobody will ever want to adopt me… because I’m just a disgusting smelly animal… and—“ his voice croaked, “and they made fun of my tail.”

Instinctively you tried to glance behind him. But it seemed he’d tucked his tail safely out of sight of prying eyes as the only parts you could make out were soft looking tufts of black.

“Do you mind if I see your tail?”

He went rigid at the request, still feeling the painful aftershocks of insecurity stinging at his heart. He didn’t want to be judged. He didn’t want anyone else to think of him as a disgusting animal, something to be ashamed of. His body language easily portrayed this uncertainty.

But he took the chance nonetheless. Nestling his head down again to prevent himself from seeing your reaction, he rocked forward, his tail smoothly uncurling. The telltale snowy white stripes, split cleanly down the middle by a thick stream of black instantly gave away exactly what species the boy was. Silence followed, and it had him wanting to start balling all over again. But little did he know you weren’t gawking in disgust like so many others had, rather admiring.

“If my opinion counts for anything,” your voice, the soft genuineness of it surprised him, “I think your tail is very pretty. You should be proud of it.”

He didn’t say anything. And you guessed that was the end of your conversation. Saddened, you were about to stand when a small, nearly inaudible mumble came from hybrid.

“What was that?”

He took a deep breath, and lifted his head. You had to suck in a deep breath and hold it to keep yourself from squealing out loud at just how lovely he was. The sweetest brown eyes, wide and glossy and heavily lidded, a pair of the most beautiful lips you’d ever laid eyes on, along with the most squish-able cheeks imaginable; he was utterly breathtaking.

“You really… think it’s pretty?”

A smile touched your lips. “I think it’s beautiful. I think you are beautiful.”

A warm, pink blush illuminated his cheeks. “I’m not beautiful,” he quickly shook his head, but his ears were peeled forward, searching for more praise.

“You’re right, you’re not beautiful,” his face fell, tail dropping, “because beautiful isn’t a strong enough to describe you. You’re gorgeous, stunning, magnificent, ethereal!” He laughed loudly –a bubbly sound that was ridiculously contagious–, pressing his face into the palms of his hands once again. Only this time it wasn’t in shame or humiliation.

“That’s ridiculous…” he giggled.

“It’s the truth!” You insisted, once again tossing your hands around for emphasis. You giggled together, the smile alighting his features one of the prettiest you’d ever seen, and you quickly realized you’d do just about anything to see him smiling like that again.

Ah, shit. Here we go again.

“My name’s Y/n,” you introduced yourself for the fourth time that day, biting back a wide smile as his cheeks tinted pink.

“Jimin…” dear god even his name was pretty.

“Jimin,” you asked softly, “how would you feel about possibly—”

A low whine cut your question short. Taehyung and Jungkook scrambled up to you, the puppy latching onto your arm while the bunny pushed his nose against your cheek, sniffing and nuzzling affectionately.

“I missed you, y/n!” Taehyung whimpered, looking up at you with big shining eyes and a delicate pout. Jungkook hummed in agreement, not bothering to remove his nose from your skin.

“I just saw you,” you giggled, reaching up and gently ruffling his hair. He sighed, pushing into your pets and allowing his eyes to flutter.

“I know, but I still missed you.”

“Choose?” Jungkook impatiently interjected.

“Yes, I did choose.” You nodded, feeling Taehyung tense up at your side, his grip of your tightening tenfold. Jungkook’s ears perked, eyes going wide as he stared at you expectantly. “I chose both of you.”

“B–both of us?” Taehyung reiterated quietly, “you’re taking both of us home with you?”

“Is… is that alright?”

You suddenly began to feel worried. You’d forgotten to ask them how they would feel living with one another. What if they didn’t want to be one of two hybrids, what if they wanted to be your one and only?

But all concerns were thrown out the window as Taehyung tackled you to the floor with a hug, yipping ecstatically while lathering your face in slobbery licks. You bellowed out laughs as the needy bunny hybrid quickly squirmed his way into the embrace, making soft grinding sounds with his teeth. “Kookie come, too?”

“Kookie come, too,” you confirmed, unable to control the grin that conquered your lips.

The bunny made a noise that prominently resembled that of a cat’s purr, eyes wrinkling at the corners as he smiled contently. You had almost lost yourself in the comfort and warmth the two large bodies of the hybrids were providing you with when you remembered the third sitting not a few feet away. You immediately sat back up, gently nudging the puppy and bunny away from you.

Jimin remained in the same spot, only now he looked deeply disheartened, tail and ears drooping, eyes downcast, lips twisted into a soft frown.

There was absolutely no way in hell that you could leave him here.

What was one more hybrid, huh? How much damage could the adorable little guy really do?

And at this point— fuck it.

“Jimin, would you like to come home with me— with us?”

He seemed taken off guard by the question, blinking rapidly before his face when hard. “I don’t need your pity.” He spat, quickly facing away from you. But you’d already seen the glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“It’s not pity. I want you to be part of my family, Jimin.”

“It’ll be fun, Jiminie!” Taehyung suddenly exclaimed, scrambling over to the skunk hybrid with wide eyes and a wagging tail, “we can play all the time! And– and cuddle! And y/n is real nice; really really nice! We’ll have a home Jiminie! Like we’ve always wanted.”

You guessed the two must be friends from the affection way the hyper puppy nuzzled against the smaller boy affectionately and he didn’t flinch away. “Home…” Jimin murmured softly, with a hint of a smile, “that doesn’t sound so bad, I guess.”

At that very moment, Hoseok came bounding back into the room, immediately making a beeline to where you sat with the hybrids, “Jimin, are you alright? I can’t believe the audacity of kids now a days! Don’t worry, I made sure that they’ll never step foot in this facility again— did I… miss something?”

“I was just asking Jimin if he would like to come home with Jungkook, Taehyung, and I,” you explained with a brief side glance in the skunk hybrid’s direction. He was gnawing at his thick bottom lip, and you could practically see the gears turning in his head. Hoseok looked at you with wide eyes, as if silently asking ‘anotha one?’ to which you smartly replied with, “go big or go home!”

“In that case, it’s up to Jiminie,” he squatted down beside Jungkook, ruffling the bunny’s hair and smiling softly, “would you like to be adopted by her?”

“Could you–” he cleared his throat as a humming red filtered into his cheeks, “come a little closer? I can’t see very well… and I–I’d like to see your face.”

You cooed softly, heart fluttering at his bashful confession before complying, leaning closer to him. He mirrored you, straining his neck and rapidly blinking his chocolate eyes. Your faces were inches away when suddenly his eyes popped open wide, his entire face becoming a throbbing crimson and he quickly ducked back into himself, curling his tail around his legs.

Shit, were you that hideous that you scared him back into the fetal position?

“A–are you good?” You coughed uncertainly. He nodded rapidly, still hiding his face.

“She’s real pretty right? Like an angel!” Taehyung gleefully squealed, nudging the flustered skunk. Your mouth open and shut quickly, on the verge of objecting when Jimin squeaked weakly, murmuring a shy agreement.

“V–very pretty…”

Queue your blushing cheeks and inability to take a compliment. “Okay, enough of that!” You shot a lighthearted glare in a grinning Taehyung’s direction.

“Jimin come?” Jungkook spoke up, blinking at you with an adorable tilt of his head. Your gaze shifted back to Jimin hopefully. He paused, glancing between the four of you before slowly nodding his head.

“I… I want you to adopt me.”

Taehyung let out a squeal of excitement, launching himself at Jimin as you smiled widely. Jungkook once again weaseled himself into the embrace, large body effectively shielding Jimin’s tiny form from view.

You felt a gentle hand come down on your shoulder, looking over to see an amused Hoseok holding out a slip of paper. It had his number on it and a funny looking winking face. “Good luck with that bunch. Text me if you ever need any help, one hybrid can be handful enough, but three?” He whistled, and you swatted him away with a playful glare. Giggling, he backed off, sending one last fond glance at the cuddling hybrids. “You’ve got this. I believe in you.”

Yeah... you were in for a wild ride.

Tags:

@kimsamueldeservesbetter @xxqueenwxtchxx

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thecursedhellblazer · 4 years ago

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♣ 15 QUESTIONS ABOUT THE MUSE.

① ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE ?

“Ah, ‘m pretty sure tha’ someone in me fuckin’ bloodline gots a similar name, but ‘ard to tell if t’was done on purpose or nay. ‘S a really common name, innit? Sure as ‘ell I ain’t named after me ol’ man...n’ thank all th’ bloody gods o’ the universe for tha’.”

② WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED ?

“Dunno? ‘S been a while I guess? I ain’t exactly th’ kind o’ bloke who often gets down on ‘is knees n’ cries ‘is sorrows out. I prefer drinking ‘em away. Zee says I should...‘ow did she word it again? Ah, aye. ‘Let meself be a bit more vulnerable’ or shite like tha’. Thanks no thanks. ‘S too troublesome.”

“Tho, now tha’ I think ‘bout it...Does it count if th’ bloody tears were ‘cause th’ fuckin’ ‘ellish prick I live wit’ sometimes threw some burnin’ shite in me eyes? ‘Ell, imma kill ‘im one o’ these days...”

③ DO YOU HAVE KIDS ?

“Ah...tough question. I was used to spawn a few...uh, t’in’s. Like, Swampy borrowed me to get ‘is wife pregnant. N’ there was all tha’ mess wit’ Rosacarnis n’...lots o’ other shite. Ne’er thought o’ ‘em as me kids tho. Jus’...Spillin’ DNA.”

A cough. “Tho...There’s Tim. He ain’t exactly me kid, but...He’s family, in a way. N’ Ruby too. But yeh didn’t ‘ear this from me!”

④ DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT ?

“Sarcasm? Me? Dunno wha’ yeh talkin’ ‘bout, mate. Wha’ even ‘s tha’ shite? Ne’er ‘eard o’ it. Can yeh drink it?”

“...Aye, tha’ was sarcasm. Draw yeh own conclusions.”

⑤ WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE ?

“Depends on wha’ ‘m in town for. If ‘m after one o’ me...t’in’s I try to separate ‘umans from not ‘umans. Ain’t tha’ easy all th’ time, tho. Other times, whether said person ‘s ‘ot or not...Or if I can play ‘em n’ win their money. Or get ‘em to buy me a drink. A bloke gots to make it thru ‘is bills, aye?”

“...Ah, th’ bloody physical feature are th’ eyes. Can read a lot in those. Or body language in general.”

⑥ WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR ?

“Blue, usually. Got a few mishaps where they changed colour for some time, but...those are stories for ‘nother time.”

⑦ SCARY MOVIE OR HAPPY ENDING ?

“Fuckin’ oul’ ‘appy endin’. N’ don’t yeh dare to judge me, yeh arsehole, ‘cause yeh ne’er get those in real life, so...Sometimes a change ‘s good, innit? Even if ‘s jus’ bloody fiction.”

“Scary movies are alrite too. Even tho...When yeh live me kind o’ life? They ain’t scary at all. I prefer watchin’ th’ game n’ shite. ‘S a good excuse to get Chas to buy th’ beer for th’ nite.”

⑧ ANY SPECIAL TALENTS ?

“Got lots of those. Yeh know. Magic, connin’, makin’ most people n’ bein’s ‘ate me guts...Tho I think tha’ th’ most relevant one ‘s gettin’ meself in trouble. Fuckin’ rotten luck. Even when I stay put, I can’t ‘ave a bloody week wit’out some sort o’ crisis bein’ dumped o’er me ‘ead.”

“Can’t I drink a bloody pint in peace, once in a while?! Ah, nay, John, oul’ son, ‘cause fuckin’ Fate says yeh can’t. Screw it!”

⑨ WHERE WERE YOU BORN ?

“Liverpool, UK. Oul’ coal industries n’ all. Compared to London n’ most American cities, ‘s like a big town. At times I miss it. Not th’ bloody life I ‘ad there tho. Ne’er.”

⑩ WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES ?

“Uh, I gots a few. Most are kind o’ connected to me field o’ expertise, tho. Lots o’ readin’ up n’ researches, ‘cause yeh ne’er know too much or even bloody enough ‘bout magic n’ th’ Arcane n’ all th’ Occult stuff. I like tinkerin’ wit’ me own spells n’ seals n’ all. Gots to ‘ave a few new tricks up me sleeve, yeh know? N’ stick me nose where I shouldn’t.”

“Aside from tha’...Drinkin’? More like a bloody necessity than a bloody ‘obby tho. Me n’ Chas gots our routine. Games n’ pubs n’ dinners n’ shite. N’ I kinda...cook from time to time? But tha’s outta necessity again. Unless I gots some fuckin’ arsehole at ‘ome whinin’ ‘cause he wants ‘is fuckin’ maticore blood cake. Tha’ alone requires talent.”

“I kind o’ got into yoga too? Thanks to an ol’ friend o’ mine. ‘Elps to clear me ‘ead from time to time. N’ meditation can be good. Not for th’ soul, tha’s already rotten n’ gone, but makes miracle when yeh tryin’ to do some complex Divination.”

⑪ DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS ?

“I used to ‘ave an undead pet rat called Francis in me younger years, but nowadays...Hell no. ‘S already enough when Tim’s ‘round n’ I gots to deal wit’ ‘is fuckin’ bird. N’ Ruby gots this ugly cat who ‘ates me. Tho, th’ damn thing probably can smell ‘Ell on me, n’ tha’s why he loathes me tha’ much.”

“Also...Chas ‘s been talkin’ me ears off ‘bout ‘ow much he wants a fuckin’ dog or two, so I guess I’ll soon find meself ‘avin’ to worry ‘bout me best mate’s pet too. I refuse to pet-sit or whate’er. Chas knows tha’. N’ like ‘ell he’s gonna talk me into tha’!”

“...Damn. I’ll probably end up doin’ it anyway, aye?”

⑫ WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED ?

“Sports? Eeeeeh, not me t’i’g. Ne’er been. I gots plenty o’ excitement elsewhere, really. Don’t need tha’ at all.”

“I got dis...mate o’ mine who’s kind o’ ‘elpin’ me wit’ some...work out routine? Gods, th’ guy ‘s good ‘ealth on two legs. Th’ whole t’i’g kicks me ass e’ery bloody time.”

“...N’, to ‘ell all th’ people who disagree, but I got all the fuckin’ gymnastic I need already.”

⑬ HOW TALL ARE YOU ?

“Dunno. ‘Aven’t measured in a while. Why th’ fuck does it even ma’er? Average. N’ ‘m fine wit’ it. Less back problems n’ shite, th’ docs say.”

⑭ DREAM JOB ?

“A fuckin’ vacation from all th’ shite tha’ ‘aunts me. Not good as an answer? Ah, den I guess I’ll say wha’ ‘m doin’. I stuck me nose in magic when I was too young to understand most o’ th’ shite th’ world throws at yeh n’...Tha’s all I e’er wanted to do. An oul’ mate o’ mine once said tha’ I live for it. Like a fuckin’ religion. He was rite. I do fuckin’ live for it. Found me path, even tho it sucks most o’ th’ times. But...‘s mine. Really mine. Wrong in all th’ rite ways tha’ suit me. If yeh get wha’ I mean.”

⑮ FAVORITE SUBJECT AT SCHOOL ?

“Dunno. I was too busy bein’ kicked outta all th’ fuckin’ schools they sent me at to care. Troublemaker, troubled lad, wohe’er. It ain’t tha’ I dislike learnin’...even if maths always made me ‘ead ache so badly. I jus’ ‘ated th’ system. Still do.”

TAGGED BY: @theprinceof-gothamcity (( thanks!! )) TAGGING: @blindeddevil @thedemonconstantine (idk if I want Timmy, demon John or Chas so YOU pick u.u) @thegreenxrcher @cosmosfated @exanxmo @ceolenaluthor @xnonxnocerex (Ava) - & whoever wants to steal it !

#* Blokes like me? We cheat. * ::ic::#* My reality is eleven tenths perception. * ::headcanons::#(( this was SO FUN ))#(( why comic icons?? xD ))#(( no idea felt like to x'D ))

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darkestwolfx · 5 years ago

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Fight or Flight - Re-Review #38

The perfect scenery for an episode which is taking it’s title from an old saying relating to the natural instincts of animals and humans - the fight or fight instinct; whether you stay and hold your ground (a little like Kayo), or whether you try and run in fear of your life (I can imagine Gordon having to do this quite often when he is caught pranking his brothers). Oh, but did we mention, it’s actually in the air? Yeah, it took two minutes to get to that point!

So, because this episode darts around all over the place, I’m doing this review (again) in sections according to character and storyline, because I like everything to be all neat and tidy, okay? I’m thinking of all of you here by giving you ease of access to a complicated and jam packed episode - you should be thanking me.

Also, I will apologise in advance now for the fact that this review is mostly picture based - literally I think this section here is the wordiest of all.

So, moving away from the ominous cargo hold, which is no doubt bound to be full of idiots - because let’s face it, that is just the way that things work in TAG - let’s start with the fact that we are opening in space again! Yay, John’s domain. And the scenery is pretty damn right on this one. I love how if you look really carefully you can make out the different shapes of the continents below.

And here we have a space spider - someone call Gordon and Alan, it’s an alien! Oh wait, no, hang up, it’s only Brains. A rather nervous Brains - obviously the ‘flight’ part behind the title of this episode. It’s nice to see him up in (or on) Thunderbird Five again. It happened in TOS in ‘The Cham-Cham’.

“I’m just having a little trouble adjusting to being weightless.”

“It was the same for me when I started. You get used to it.”

But of course, they can’t even manage to do repairs and maintenance without something coming there way!

“Your databases are offline because I started a systems check. It’s ok, I backed everything up onto MAX.”

“Atta boy, MAX.”

Thank goodness for MAX, ey?

And here’s the situation;

“A cargo carrier experienced a missives systems failure. The ship is on a crash course for Anderbad City.”

Anderbad City first appeared in the TOS episode ‘Perils of Penelope’, with Anderbad being a play on Gerry and Sylvia Anderson’s surname. It was given notable features such as the Anderbad Tunnel and the Anderbad Express, but it was never shown in full. TAG have added a Flight Control Tower, so we can assume that Anderbad is a big city with travel at the centre.

So, here we go, I thought I’d go back to the cargo hold first which is a little backwards I know, but I’m doing it because... just because okay? Reviewers choice.

Run for your lives! The machinery is striking back!

Scott nearly getting hit and then running back for the flight deck is absolutely hilarious.

“We have a new problem.”

And I won’t deal with that part, I’ll choose to fly the zeppelin, is probably what Scott was thinking. Because, yes, that option seems so much better!

“Looks like we’ll need that back up, Kayo.”

It was probably a good thing that she was ready and waiting in this instance, because Scott couldn’t have done that much multitasking, great though he is.

“How are you guys doing in there?”

“Oh you know, just playing hide and seek with a giant bone crushing claw. You know, no big deal.”

Yeah, you’re right, the bigger deal is that you might die anyway, so playing hide and seek is probably the least of your worries right about now. In fact, that might be preferable depending on your viewpoint. At least that might be marginally more entertaining than sitting and waiting for death to come.

“How does a giant, mechanical loading claw take it’s tea?”

“I don’t know.”

“With a pinch of sugar.”

“That’s the worst joke I’ve ever heard.”

I have to admit, I’m with her on that one. Who even thought that joke up! And who heard that joke and then thought ‘hey, that’s a good one to go in the script!’ I didn’t even laugh, I will be perfectly honest.

“Don’t worry. I’ll get them out.”

“Why would I worry?”

Hmm, maybe because it’s a life threatening situation? Just hazarding a guess here.

Kayo should be happy anyway - she got to show off her bad-guy chasing gymnastic skills, even if it was only against machinery.

“International Rescue. Time to go. Follow me!”

“You’re kidding right?”

“No, I’m pretty serious.”

“We can’t jump and flip around like you just did!”

No, I don’t imagine you can.

“I’ll distract the claw so you can make a run for it.”

Literally the point of this episode, isn’t it? Running for it?

I have a theme song for it - look up ‘Run for It’ by (you won’t regret it).

“Where does that lead?”

“Emergency exit.”

“This definitely qualifies as an emergency.”

Hell yes, I would think it does!

“Kayo, you need to get out.”

“Great idea, Scott, thanks for the suggestion!”

No need to be sarcastic - he’s just looking out for you, remember?

As a side note, look at the robot! I want one... I bet its more environmentally friendly than my car.

“The ship’s loosing altitude faster than my projections. But why?”

“It looks like the liquid hydrogen fuel cells have cracked open.”

“And I’m guessing that’s bad?”

Yes, Scott, that’s bad.

“The tanks keep the fuel isolated. but if an electrical fire starts on impact, you’ll get what we scientists call a big ka-boom. Which is also what my insides feel like.”

“What’s the time frame?”

“John says I’ll feel better once I get used to zero gravity.”

“I think he means before the zeppelin crashes.”

“Oh right. Factoring in altitude, wind speed, ship weight, adjusting for cargo, and letting x equal the rate of fuel loss, we get... oh my!”

“Scott, you’re gonna’ need to move. Fast.”

“FAB. And Brains, that means feel better soon.”

Yeah... that conversation gets me every time. They never said how fast Scott needed to move, but hey, it’s okay, because he listened. Considering the zeppelin appeared seconds later.

“Thunderbird two could nudge the ship and change course that way.”

Of course that is the first suggestion that Scott comes up with. Just shove it out the way and be done with it. Good plan.

“I would strongly caution against that. Those leaking fuel cells could easily rupture.”

Or not.

“Ka-boom, got it. Ok, I’m gonna’ need to get on board. Maybe I can regain some control of this thing.”

Yay, we get to see Scott pilot a zeppelin! That’s a change.

“Hey, Virgil, just taking a little air!”

“I’ve got Thunderbird One slaved to my controls.”

Yeah... because a line like that always means good things are coming. I love how Virgil at least knew what it meant - take Thunderbird One.

“All systems critical. We’re on auxiliary power with almost no altitude control or steering. I can’t risk landing with that fuel leak. I’m gonna’ point her down and bail out. She’ll crash safely into the lake before reaching the city.”

You can’t say something like that without expecting trouble.

“Crash course set, ready to bail out.”

“Hello? Anyone there? We’re stuck! We can’t get out! Trapped!”

“Hello? Can you hear me? John, did you get that? I thought everyone was off this ship?”

“Me too. Hang on. The numbers don’t match. They messed up their count.”

Great! And so we revert to the cargo hold, which I’ve already covered.

“Do we have time to get the crew out before we reach the city?”

“Negative. You’re gonna’ have to fly over the city, and bring it down in the open countryside on the other side.”

“We’ll never make it. We’re still losing height.”

“If you offload 90% of the fuel, there’s a chance you’ll be light enough to make it over the city.”

A chance? I suppose we have to take it because there’s no other option really.

“Ok, I’ll keep flying. Virgil, you start pumping out that fuel.”

Yeah, because that will buy us lots of non-existent time! At least it’s better than nothing.

“Oh, it’s going to be tight.”

“Tight, but we should make it tight? Or John’s space suit tight?”

“I don’t know if I know how to answer that question in a way that’s reassuring.”

“Space suit tight.”

Scott’s doing a really good job of flying under pressure here, I would just like to say.

“I think it should be enough.”

“You think or you know?”

“I think I know.”

Very reassuring Brains. I feel very non-reassured.

“That should do it, Scott.”

“Got to be sure.”

“Now, Scott, get out!”

Listen to John, for goodness sake, Scott.

Fly for your lives! There’s an explosion!

You know, Wolfie definitely understands the reason for this episode title now. They were being really clever - well done Dan Berlinka.

In my opinion, this is one of the closest calls that they’ve showed us, and I really appreciated that. TOS did it a few times in ‘City of Fire’ and ‘Danger at Ocean Deep’ (I’m talking proper close calls here, because I know there are many near misses), and TAG have done it quite often with Gordon, but this one was a really nice show of skill and panic, and absolute expertise at the end of it all.

“Yes! He made it!”

Hooray! We’ve succeeded! Let’s all go home!

After a hug... but maybe remember to not hug John... he looks like he’s feeling a little awkward there, Brains.

“Nice work everyone. We limited the damage at Anderbad city to one billboard.”

That poor billboard. But yes, successful.

And look what’s waiting at home!

I was wondering where Gordon and Alan had got to... “on a supply run”... yeah right, who’s great idea was that. They only have themselves to blame for what the boys bring back. Interestingly, they never said where Scott and Alan were at the end of the last episode (and I was waiting for that), so it was nice to actually see the pair pop up right at the end.

“Hey guys!”

“How was the supply run?”

“Routine. But wait till you see what me and Alan picked up at an antiques store on the way back.”

“It’s the same game John used to play all the time.”

A nice little reference back to ‘Skyhook’ here. Continuity at it’s best.

“You grab prizes with the claw!”

Yes, we do have eyes, thank you, Alan.

“Who wants to go first?”

Cue mass exodus of the lounge... And a tumbleweed to roll through in the wake of it all. (Actually, could some one get me a tumbleweed please? I feel like my cat would appreciate it. Shes called Munchies, by the way.)

“What did I say?”

“We should have brought some prizes.”

This is funny, because Alan probably said that, and Gordon probably ‘ignored’ him.

“Oh, claw machine needs prizes!”

“No wonder they didn’t want to play!”

I don’t think that was quite it, but hey, let’s not disappoint them anymore. Look at Gordon’s face.

P.S. This ended up more wordy and longer than I had expected! I’ve outdone myself for midnight pieces of work (and a very dodgy internet connection).

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joshslater · 6 years ago

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Great Meadows

@jd07201990 just dumped a bunch of unfinished scripts. So, with a few tweaks here and there, here is someone else’s content.

Sitting here, staring down at my large palmed, clammy hands, feeling the burning warmth of new hormones rushing through me, I knew I was screwed. “What’s Ma gonna think”, I thought to myself, shuffling my large, sweaty sneakered feet. I kept having flashes from the trippy process popping in and out of my head. They said it’d take a few days for me to settle in. That such a big change is always rough, especially on girls. “I should’a just stayed home…” was my last thought before another skull-splitting migraine had me fall onto the stiff cot, passed out.

I’d been incredibly curious as to why my older brothers got to go to camp every summer, and I had to stay home, or enlist in summer gymnastics classes. They always came back at the end of summer, excited to tell of all the fun they’d had, all the cool activities, new friends. It sounded amazing! I had to sit there at dinner times, listening to them rub it in. Having only small accomplishments to talk about myself when it was my turn. I was tired of it. At the end of the school year, when it was time to sign my brother’s up, I made my move. I waited for mom to fill out their forms, and stealthily made a copy for myself, changing my name from Kari, to Kaeden. I know it is an all-boys camp, but once there, what could they really do?

On departure day I hid in the back of the truck, underneath my brother’s bags and gear, for the entire ride. It was awful, but I knew it’d be worth it when I got to see what the camp was all about. I’d been afraid my treasonous bladder would give me away, but the hot car had me thirsty in the trunk after the first hour. We arrived after a 4 hr drive, and while they got their papers handed in and sorted, I snuck out of the truck and into the grounds, finding a side door open along the main building. Once our parents left, it’d be too late for them to send me home, I figured, so I waited till all the cars left, and the sun started to set, marched up to the offices where the paperwork was handled, and put mine down on the desk. The man sitting behind it looked shocked, muttered a bit, then sighed, picked up my paperwork and read it over.

Name: Kaedan Atherton Age: 16 Height: 6’1” Weight: 154 lbs Hair: Blonde Eyes: Green Known allergies: none Dietary restrictions: none

He read though all of the false information I’d added, interests, past activates.

“Miss, Atherton. I assume you’re Heath and Daniel’s sister. Yes? Are you aware this is a boy’s summer camp?” I began to answer, but he cut me off, clearly not interested in having his rhetorical question answered.

“Aaaaa... This is going to create so much problem whichever way we go about to solve this… Are you really 16, or was that made up too?”

“No, I’m 16.”

He went silent and kept staring at the desk phone, as if he expected it to ring at any moment. He sat still uncomfortably long and then suddenly lurched forward, attacked the phone and dialed a three-digit number.

“Yeah, this is Robert. Are you still looking for a candidate for Moth 3?” Whoever was on the other side spoke quite a lot. ”Yes, I have a girl.” More talking “16” The line went quiet for a bit, then some more talking. “OK, I’ll bring her over if she agrees.”

Turning to me “Alright, there is something we can do. Spend an hour for science and then you are free to spend your summer here like any other boy. Would you do that?” I’m not stupid, so I knew there was a catch. Well, not stupid enough at least, but I made this bed. Time to sleep in it. “Yes.”

“OK, you are old enough to make a decision like this on your own, legally.” He stood up and walked over to a filing cabinet, opened the next to bottom drawer and rifled around a bit. Then pulled out a few papers, walked back and handed them to me. “So. Either sign this and stay, or I’ll call your parents to pick you up tomorrow.” The papers were dense legalize. Lots of cross references to laws and precedent, as if whoever wrote it thought all of this was self-evident, or didn’t want you to understand it. I thought of what the dinner table would look like the next time we all ate together. The stories we would share. How I would be a part of them for once. Damn right I signed the papers. While I did that he brought me a glass of water and a small dropper bottle. Brown glass with a rubber pipette in the cap. He poured some water in the glass, and added two drops from the bottle. “Last chance to go home as you are.” I emptied the glass in one go.

He took my arm and lead me across the camp, using side paths that went through the trees. I had a feeling he didn’t want anyone to see me. We’d barely walked a few buildings away from his office when the world started to sway. I was getting nauseous, having a creeping feeling of dread, and I think I saw a squirrel. When we got to a large, barn style building, we went to the back and he pushed a button on an intercom on the wall. “Code 91. Immediate response required”

He looked down at me and let go of my arm as the door buzzed, and opened. Two large men dressed in white scrubs came out, grabbed me by the shoulders and rushed me through. They looked eerily like Arnold Schwarzenegger, both of them. We went down a staircase as the door above slammed shut, and entered a room full of what looked like Frankenstein’s lab equipment. I panicked, pulling myself away from the men. I tried to run towards the stairs, following the fleeing squirrels. I only made it a few feet before they grabbed me again, pulling me to a chair and sat me down. Holding me down. Another man came out of a side door, dressed in double buttoned lab coat and goggles, pulling on a pair of gloves. He spoke in a hardcore, heavy German accent.

“Ah, Code 91. Haven’t had one of these in years. Wilkommen!” I tried to scream, but the orderly to my left clapped his hand over my mouth. They were both wearing world war two style gas masks now.

“No need to fuzz, it’ll only take a bit. I’ve gotten quite good at this particular physical! Now, Franz, Dözer, please take… Hmm” the German man headed to a computer and pulled up my file. “Please take Kaedan, to ze chamber”.

With my mouth still firmly covered, I fought and yelped as the two men carried me to a table, with what looked like a giant human shaped cake pan. They forced me into the mold, strapping my legs, torso, arms, and head down into the groove, and adjusted things until I was firmly stuck. I couldn’t move a muscle. I started screaming threats, until Dözer stuffed a gag into my mouth, with a hose attached to the ceiling. All the squirrels were lined up and just laughed. I was left in the cold metal mold while the Doctor set things up on a computer panel. I could hear him mumbling.

“Hm, Kaeden Atherton. Ah, yes, the Atherton boys! Good kids those two, talented, handsome. Hm, I think I know what to do here. Kaeden, says 6’1”, so shall it be! 154 lbs, check! Eyes and hair, no problem there. Now, details… details… I guess I’ve got free reign here. That is quite some athletic accomplishments you’ve listed here. Let’s use that as a guide for muscle development. Soccer. Lacrosse. Oh, climbing? Best make sure you’re a match to your strapping brothers, eh?” The doctor started typing things and using a 3D mouse, like one I’d seen in my graphic design class, to move something on the screen. Probably more squirrels. He kept rambling off little details as the top half of the human mold came down from above me, sealing with a harsh hissing sound and a cloud of gasses. I could feel my entire body slowly turning to strawberry jell-o.

“Now, skeletal and muscular systems… tall, thin, strong boned, muscle density upped a bit, rebalance muscle fiber composition. The brothers are quite fit, might as well match… Body fat needs to go down a lot. Oxygenation, cardiac development. There.

Hmmm, just a little more in the shoulders… that’s it, nice proportions, good shape.

Chest, check. Abs, check. Hips, check. Thighs, check. Calves, check. Oh… What about size 9? Yes, that ratio of fitting… no, let’s go 10 to be sure.

Now, for the secondary features. Would’ve been easier had you been younger, but I can fix this. I think, second to highest levels. Ah, definitely. Just like Heath, no, more so! May as well go full out. Dial it up to 10.

Hormone levels, highest. Ooh, right, must match the physical bits. This will be an interesting summer for you in an all male camp. I think Miss Atheron might be the new alpha in the family when this is all settled.

What settings have we left? Hmm... Looks like you’ll be a lucky lad! 8” to be proportional to the height… you know what, let’s go for 10 again… yes, yes, and hmm, a bit thicker and make those a bit larger… there, perfect! A well built young man. On those hormone levels we’ll probably see a lot of development during the summer as well.

Now, I think we’re set! Alright, Alright, here we go! Mr. Atherton, Welcome to Great Meadows Boy’s Camp!”

With that, he pushed one last button on the control panel, and I felt the metal mold heat up and start to vibrate. I tried screaming, tears welling up in my eyes as pain shot through my body. All the squirrels ran away.

When I woke up in the rickety wooden cabin I had a pounding head ache and was completely parched. I had no idea what was real and what had been hallucinations. I was pretty sure my raging hard on was real, and the implications of that wasn’t lost. I would definitively have something to talk about at our next family dinner.

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diamcndclawsa-blog · 6 years ago

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𝘽𝘼𝙎𝙄𝘾𝙎 ,

full name. selina kyle pronunciation. suh-lee-nah kai-uhl nickname. sel, cat, catwoman, irena dubrovna, selina calabrese, + various other aliases. height. 5′7″ age. typically around the latter half of her 20s to mid-30s, or teens in her gotham verse, but i’m willing to play her at various ages. zodiac. i haven’t totally worked out her chart, but she’s 100% a scorpio sun. probably a leo moon & sagittarius sun or vice verse, but i’m definitely not set on those yet. spoken languages. english, primarily, and a decent amount of italian & some spanish. also a sprinkle of russian, japanese, etc. just from the rich criminals coming through gotham.

𝙋𝙃𝙔𝙎𝙄𝘾𝘼𝙇 𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙍𝘼𝘾𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙎𝙏𝙄𝘾𝙎 ,

hair color. black. eye color. green, leaning towards a jade. skin tone. fairly light & a faint smattering of freckles on her nose. leans toward a light medium when she sees sunlight, but that’s an immense rarity considering in the day time she’s typically asleep, lounging with her cats, or dealing with other various business indoors. still, selina doesn’t need a lot of sun to tan, and she seldom burns. body type. incredibly fit from years of practice in martial arts, gymnastics, freerunning, & general melee fighting. selina doesn’t carry a lot of obvious muscle, but she’s incredibly toned in her upper arms, legs, and core. that said, she’s also quite curvy. rly fills out the catsuit xo accent. typical american accent. she tends to speak pretty casually. it also gets pretty low & sultry when she’s teasing & flirting. when it comes to jobs where she has to play a part, though, she can easily put on different accents or talk more ‘ proper ’ dominant hand. she’s ambidextrous, but she does favour her right hand a little more posture. fairly straight, with her shoulders pulled back. there’s no room for bad posture with the kinda shit she does, so it’s just sorta second nature by now. when she’s relaxed, however, she tends to lean against things a lot, or stands with her hip jutted to the side. scars. surprisingly, she doesn’t have any significant scars with stories behind them. the only ones lingering from childhood are just from particularly rough scrapes ( the kind that takes off skin ). but she typically has various bruises from fights, and a fuck ton of random ass scratches bc u know.... she’s a crazy cat lady. :/ tattoos. none. she’s thought about it quite a few times, of course, but getting something that distinguishable when she tries to keep under the radar isn’t exactly the wisest decision. most noticeable feature. her ass and her eyes.

𝘾𝙃𝙄𝙇𝘿𝙃𝙊𝙊𝘿 ,

place of birth. havana, cuba hometown. gotham, new jersey birth weight. about 6-7 lbs. birth height. about 18 1/2 in. on the lower end of average, but nothing abnormal. manner of birth. a private hospital her mother’s family had connections at. her mother had better care than the average pregnant mother giving birth in a normal hospital, despite how downhill things went down in selina’s earlier years first words. it’s cliché but uh.... it was 100% ‘ cat ’. her birth mother had a cat, and it would hang around her crib a lot, so... y’know. siblings. magdalena kyle ( sister from her adoptive family ), aiden mason ( estranged brother ) parents. rex calabrese ( father ), anita cortes ( mother, deceased ), + i’m not bothering with her adoptive parents’ names rn but their last name was kyle, obvs parental involvement. honestly ? very little. she spent a short few years living with her mother in cuba, before rex tried to bring them over to gotham. her mother was killed by one of his enemies, and baby selina barely made it out. she spent roughly ages 2-8 with rex, after which he decided it was too dangerous to keep her around, and she was put into the foster system. the kyles adopted her, but mr. kyle was a raging alcoholic, and mrs. kyle eventually left the family completely. selina didn’t get on with either of them growing up, and wound up running away from home after a few years anyway.

𝘼𝘿𝙐𝙇𝙏 𝙇𝙄𝙁𝙀 ,

occupation. cat burglar & occasional vigilante current residence. gotham, new jersey close friends. holly robinson, alice tesla, lola macyntire, killer croc, bruce wayne ( sometimes ) relationship status. single, though she’s got a long-running fling with batman, and various flings & hook-ups with others. engaged or married in other verse, though. financial status. heavily verse dependent. in her younger years, she’s literally on the streets, stealing to eat. she spends the earlier years of her life as a cat burglar not too much better, especially when her apartments end up compromised half the time. later on, however, she gets enough money stowed away in various bank accounts that she’s pretty well-off. not exactly a millionaire, but she can afford the fancy penthouse. driver’s license. about five or six fake ones, though she’s never officially taken the test. she knows what she’s doing, though. criminal record. an extravagant list of burglaries, with a sprinkling of unintentional manslaughter, and a teensy dash of murder vices. liquor, thievery, sex, smoking

𝙎𝙀𝙓 & 𝙍𝙊𝙈𝘼𝙉𝘾𝙀 ,

sexual orientation. bisexual romantic orientation. biromantic preferred emotional role. submissive | dominant | switch | unsure preferred sexual role. submissive | dominant | switch ( being anything other than dominant is incredibly rare, however. she’s really gotta trust someone to let them take control. bruce is probably the only one i can think of whose gotten that privilege, and even that is verse dependent. ) libido. pretty damn high. it’s a thrill, a form of stress relief, and a way to keep control in her court. she’s not opposed to fucking on a rooftop, in the middle of a job, or after she’s just escaped a barrage of bullets. in fact, that’s when she enjoys it best. turn on’s. guys with scruff, delicious abs, girls with pretty hair, nice asses, successful burglaries, a good challenge in a fight, getting anything expensive turn off’s. people talking about their feelings, commitment, anyone too ‘ vanilla ’ love language. nuzzling / general cuddling, possessive touches, sharing food, little gifts relationship tendencies. almost exclusively running flings or one-night stands. a few nights, if someone gets lucky. she’s not really into long lasting relationships. her line of work doesn’t really allow for getting close to people — they get hurt that way. and beyond that, she’s just not that fond of opening up. it takes a lot for someone to get her to open up, but if she gets there, it’s a lot more likely a relationship will be more than just a fling.

𝙈𝙄𝙎𝘾𝙀𝙇𝙇𝘼𝙉𝙀𝙊𝙐�� ,

character’s theme song. oh god i’m the worst at theme songs. but honestly, probably something from the ost of ‘ to catch a thief ’ bc... ya know.... hobbies to pass the time. watching old hollywood classics, napping or playing with her five hundred cats, going for jogs on the rooftops, drinking, shopping physical illness. none left or right brained. a little more left-brained, i’d think fears. getting close to people and finding them dead, feeling helpless, living a monotonous life self confidence level. pretty damn high when it comes to her capabilities. when it comes to herself as a person ? not great, lol. vulnerabilities. expensive things ( especially if they sparkle ), street kids, holly robinson, lola macyntire, bruce wayne, katherine kyle ( verse dependent ), helena wayne ( verse dependent )

tagged by. @lxdrlappen ♡ tagging. @sparkadream ( harley ), @guiltspelled, @shieldthrow, @godslaer

#this took me 10 yrs asf;sdkjf #but i love this kind of in-depth shit so.... worth it ?#* ₀₀₃ —— headcanon . 「 ✧ 」

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tarralin · 6 years ago

Text

Family

Fox Hunt, Chapter Eight

(Board gifted by @under-sengoku-skies)

Thank you @nyktoon-ikemenlove for beta reading and @rainyluneotome @tsundere-mitsuhide for the support and love you've shown for the feisty sniper RM!

Warning: Moderate Profanity

~*~

“Oh?”

“You sound surprisingly calm about that.”

“Do I?”

All his years of practice at suppressing his emotions must finally be effective on her because ‘calm’ would never make the list of what he felt in that moment. He felt the tide had finally flooded in to drag him to a watery grave, thrashing him against the cliffs the whole way. Air escaped him and refused to return. Even when she brought their entwined hands to her lips, his knuckles were painfully white.

“But now? I don't know.”

Breathing capabilities returned and he inhaled as he pulled her fully into his lap, encircling her with his arms. He could work with ‘but' and help her work out the decision, regardless of the pain it caused him. “What’s changed?”

She'd never been one for idle chatter and, usually, the silence between them was companionable. Now it was stifling, for all the while MC worried her bottom lip between her teeth, Mitsuhide could feel the air escaping him again. His relief finally came with a soft sigh from her lips.

“This is the most peaceful I've been in years… if not ever.”

His arms tightened around her in attempt to assure himself he hadn’t wandered into a dream. Her words seemed to flow freely without hindrance, indicating truth… but, still, a small note of remorse remained.

“You have family? I’ve been meaning to question you on your homeland... How lazy of me as an interrogator.”

She rolled her eyes with a small smile before answering. “Two friends who are more like sisters to me. RM and JR. Although, they were married to my brothers so they really were my sisters for a time.”

Were? For a time? That’s curious phrasing. “Are they… no longer married?”

“My brothers were soldiers, Mitsuhide.”

His arms tightened around her again with the realization of those words.

“I have a third brother, Michael, but we haven’t said a word to each other since Mark and Macon's burial five years ago. I’m sure he prefers to think me dead as well.”

“I doubt—”

“I don’t,” she interrupted softly. “Michael was the eldest of us, eighteen years my senior actually, but he never acknowledged me as his sister. He blamed me for Mother’s death and became heavily invested in his career as a soldier so we only had to tolerate each other around certain holidays. I was often away on my own missions so rarely even then.” A sigh as she finished. There was no love for this ‘Michael’ in her eyes, only a darkness he knew meant she’d have no qualms leaving him behind.

But not the sisters.

The hardened darkness dissolved as she blinked away the past. “I… assume you’ve figured out my line of work?”

“What’s makes you think that?” He smirked down at her.

“Please,” her lips pursed incredulously. “You and Oda seem to be the only ones who'd figure it out, and he has made zero allusions to the fact if he has. You, however, love your little mind games and jabbing comments. Like when you questioned Hideyoshi last week on my ‘capabilities’, I heard that lilt in your voice.”

He paused. Yes, he had figured it out. The intensity of her gaze and how she always mapped out her surroundings. Her tone of command and confidence with every spoken word. The very way she carried herself as if daring any to stand in her path. All aspects that only high ranking warriors possessed. And she knew he’d realized the truth, of course.

“I’d expect nothing less.” A simple enough answer whispered across her temple. This earned him a contented sigh and her head resting on his shoulder once again.

“May I ask, how you recognize it but the others don't?”

“I've interrogated kunoichi before. Your mannerisms are similar to theirs and you are far too superior to the description of the western traders’ women.”

“Well, as much as I appreciate the compliment, I still feel there’s more you're not telling me.”

“And you have proven to be quite perceptive.”

She rolled her eyes again but allowed the deflection to stand. “Fine, keep your secrets for now. You’ll tell me when you’re ready, right?”

He was just leaning down to answer with a kiss when the unmistakable snapping of a branch cracked through the air.

~*~

Fuck!

RM was very aware of the fact she was falling.

Her earliest years in the military were spent paratrooping into the thickest of enemy encampments, so the sudden dropping of her gut was a familiar phenomenon and she didn’t fear the fall so much as the landing...

Because she didn’t come prepared with a fucking parachute!

Shit! Shit! Shit!

Sorry, MC, I failed. I’ll be awaiting my second death upon your arrival to the afterlife. Keep me waiting on that, okay?

RM had just squeezed her eyes shut when she slammed into a rock hard wall, the oxygen ripping from her lungs upon collision. The wall crumpled under the blast, allowing the inevitable reunion with sweet, solid earth. Around her, she could hear the startled shouts of men and… horses?

Why are there horses in the afterlife?

Slowly, she peeked open one eye. Still blue sky, still trees… and that is definitely an unhappy horse. And it's saddled… where's its rider?

Suddenly, there was movement under her and she was shoved to the side. She attempted to get her feet as quickly as her loaded down backpack would allow, but RM felt more like an overturned tortoise than a former Olympic gymnast. Agility always decreased when she had to carry a pack.

Finally making it to her feet, RM found herself staring down at what—or rather who—she’d mistaken for a brick wall. Oh, there’s the rider! And no wonder I thought he was a wall... homeboy is stacked!

“Thanks, bro! You broke my fall. That impact might have killed me if it weren’t for you.” The surprise of being thrown from his horse turned to pure bewilderment in his chocolate eyes at her words. Oh, right! Japanese, not English. Damn it, this is why I’m always on the roof tops!

“Sorry, I forgot there for a moment.” She offered her hand toward the brunette but he refused to look at her now as he scrambled to his feet and back to the horse to soothe the creature. He returned a moment later with a bundle of cloth and a face as red as his clothing.

“For your—” If possible, his face deepened another shade of red that would stir envy from a tomato. He became incapable of speech and instead motioned to his arms and legs while glancing away to the trees over her head. Curious, she glanced down to inspect herself. No, nothing's ripped. Shirt? Good. Shorts? Good.

She unwrapped the bundle anyway to look upon the unmistakable shape of a kimono. Glancing back to Homeboy's face, his eyes were still averted and pointedly inspecting the trees. “You… want me to wear this?”

“Well, it'd be a lot better than indecency.” Another blind hand motion, this time indicating her lower body.

“Indecency?” She laughed at the absurdity of the word. He can't be serious. “What? You've never seen a woman in Daisy Dukes before?”

His eyes met hers finally and he opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the beating of hooves approaching.

“Yuki, I saw you get hit. Is everything al—”

Ain’t this some shit? It’s the Science Kid!

Very few targets ever left RM's kill-sight with all their brains intact, and she made a point to remember the faces of the ones that did. The last face just so happened to belong to the one person on the planet that could solve all her problems. But, instead of the lab coat and green buttoned shirt she last saw him in, the man in front of her looked straight out of a ninja anime.

“Sasuke?” She questioned without preamble.

“Yes, that's me.”

“Well I’ll be damned, signed, sealed, and delivered right on Satan's doorstep! Look at you all leveled up and shit!”

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”

A bark of humorless laughter. “I wouldn't expect you to, you only knew my sister after all, but we’re, uh—” A pointed look to the man in red. “We're from the same hometown and I have something for you.” The ninja’s expression never changed but his eyes did follow her movements as she rummaged through her bag. Once she lifted out the intended parcel, his eyes widened and he jumped from his horse.

“These are my research notes!”

“Yeah, Merry Christmas! Your gift to me can be helping find MC and getting back home.”

“MC is your sister?”

“So you have met her?”

A simple nod as he blinked up at her, no doubt trying to form a familial connection in his head and run their differing features against each other. MC's almost black hair and blue eyes against RM's chestnut waves and hazelnut ones, as well the obvious difference of MC’s classic Caucasian complexion compared to her own Italian olive.

“Don't have to be blood to be family,” RM finally sighed. “Anyway, where did you last see her?”

“That's not something that can be discussed here in the open and—” He paused as his gaze froze on the one he called Yuki. “What’s wrong?”

“Uh, she's—” More enveloping hand movements indicating her attire.

Sasuke glanced back again and only now seemed to notice what had turned the brick wall of a man into an unintelligible mess. “Oh, right. Yuki, we have much different clothing choices back home. Miss, might I suggest wearing what my friend gifted you?” He leaned in and whispered his final comment where Yuki wouldn't hear. “You're in the sixteenth century.”

What's that got—

Oh.

Oooh.

So… no. Homeboy hasn't seen a woman in Daisy Dukes before.

RM unlatched her pack's chest clips and shucked it off her shoulders to dress. Years of rebelling against her family’s insufferable traditional views, and here she was landed in the middle of those views again. Though, they’re probably not considered ‘traditional’ yet.

“RM, by the way. You can call me RM.”

“Well, RM,” Yuki started as he dusted himself off, “what the hells were you doing in a tree? In bandit-infested woods for that matter?”

RM smiled sweetly as he had unknowingly provided her a cover story. “Precisely that reason. I was chased but gained enough distance to climb up and hide. And I was just, uh, coming down when I lost my footing.”

An almost imperceivable nod of approval from Science Ninja. “Were you on your way to Echigo? Yuki and I are headed there now. We can discuss your sister once we’ve rested.”

“That would be fantastic.” RM released a sigh of relief at his words… even if the Yuki guy didn’t seem particularly thrilled.

~*~

“So, let me get this straight...” RM needed to confirm the insanity of the situation before she snapped on the Science Ninja who seemed to be doing his best to bring her up to speed. He had brought her dinner and was now preparing her to meet his bosses. “This Oda dude picked MC up after she saved him and named her a princess of his clan… and now your bosses plan to take her hostage to use against him? Is that correct?”

“Yes, that is accurate. I've refrained from interfering because it will be easier to return home with her nearby.”

“What's her ETA?”

“Lord Shingen will have to answer that as he is the one who dispatched the retrieval team. Soon though, I’m sure.”

RM kept her thoughts on that to herself. Like Hell MC will allow herself to be captured again. Girl, just what kind of shit have you gotten into? Wait until the next time you try to lecture me on blending in…

RM dropped her hashi in frustration. “Well, where is he? I need answers!”

“And answers I may be able to provide for such a divine creature.”

The bellowing voice startled her as it boomed from out of her sights. Turning, RM was met with a mountain of a man that instantly took her hand in his, stroking her knuckles gently. “I truly did not believe it when Yuki told me an angel had descended unto him from the heavens, but now that I see you with my own eyes, I cannot help but feel blessed by such a vision.”

Ah... a playboy… this I can use. Kudos to you, wormhole. You put me right where I needed to be.

RM pulled out her sweetest smile again while mimicking his movements and stroking his knuckles as well. “You must be Lord Shingen. Sasuke was just telling me about you.”

“Good things I hope.”

“Oh, of course. Some of them being that you’d cooperate with my questioning. So...” She allowed him to pull her to her feet before taking her hands back and folding them across her chest to show she was now serious. “I need to know when you dispatched this retrieval team of yours for the Oda Princess and how many you sent.”

He chuckled at her tone, but the gleam in his eyes told her she hadn’t lost his interest. “Very well, my angel, I sent four of my finest men two days ago. They should be collecting the Oda Princess now and returning with her in another two days’ time.”

RM inhaled deeply and paced back to her dinner, proud that she hadn’t laughed in his face. Four men would not be enough to subdue MC. The Oda had treated her respectfully according to Sasuke, even providing her a station of some power and control over the household. As ridiculous as it sounded to her, MC had been here for almost six weeks now, whereas it had only three days for RM since that fateful lightning strike. Knowing MC, she considered this her temporary home and she would fight against any semblance of an attack to protect it, regardless if she knew what the intended target was or not.

RM picked up her hashi once more to focus on her dinner. “Well, I hope you didn’t call any of those ‘finest men’ your friend.”

Sasuke's eyebrow arched in silent inquiry at the same time Shingen lost all traces of his seductive smile. “Why do you say that?”

“Because if they’re not dead already… then they’re going to wish they were.”

#ikemen sengoku #ikesennw #ikesennw reblog #ikesen #ikesen sasuke #ikesen shingen #ikesen mitsuhide #fox hunt #fh #ikesen fanfic #fanfic #ikemen sengoku fanfic #my writing

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grandraconteur · 6 years ago

Text

Wish You Were Here, Chapter 2

Finally, we get a bit of Tony, and a very healthy dose of Iron Dad and Spider Son...plus a game plan emerges.

Once again, thank you to @merelypassingtime for betaing and bouncing ideas off with me. She's seriously the best.

Also read on AO3.

Chapter 2: Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun

Witness the man who raves at the wall

Making the shape of his questions to Heaven

Whether the sun will fall in the evening

Will he remember the lesson of giving?

"Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun" ~ Pink Floyd

For several moments, Peter could do nothing but stare at the screen. There was no cliche reaction, like blood pounding in his ears or feeling faint. It was like his body was stuck several minutes in the past, like his brain and his body were stuck in different moments of response to what he was seeing.

That was….that was definitely his dad. Grey hair and fine wrinkles to show for the decade that had passed and a goatee that hadn’t been there before, but...definitely, definitely him.

“Karen,” he questioned haltingly. “Do you...do you see a guy here?”

Using the virtual interface that appeared in front of him through the mask, Peter tapped on the image of his dad, zooming in to clarify.

“Yes, Peter.”

“Can you...describe him for me?”

Karen was surprisingly silent for a moment. Peter wondered if Mr. Stark had programmed her to experience sympathetic concern that would halt her dialogue.

“He appears to be tall, with dark, greying hair and facial hair. I believe he is wearing a sweatshirt and jeans, and a rather oversized red scarf.”

“So you see the same guy I do.”

“Yes.”

With a woosh, Peter let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. Something twinged in his gut as chills began to take hold.

“Peter, I believe you are experiencing shock.”

“Yeah, that’s...that’s not a surprise.”

“Perhaps you should get under the covers. It might help.”

Listlessly, Peter did as Karen suggested, pulling the covers up to his chin.

How was he supposed to react?

Was what his eyes were telling him even possible?

“Karen, if I gave you an old photo of my dad, could you use it to determine if the man in the image is actually my dad and not just...some guy that really, really looks like him?”

“Unfortunately, facial recognition is one of the features that Mr. Stark has yet to reactivate since he returned your suit. He’s also added a failsafe to ensure you and Ned can no longer hack my programming.”

“What!” Peter sat up, youthful indignation momentarily distracting him from the biggest bombshell of his life. “Why?”

“He expressed concern you’d use it to track down more men like Toomes without coming to him first for help.”

“That’s-” That’s absolutely something he would do, who was he kidding? “-fair, I suppose...” he relented, falling back down into the sheets. “But how am I supposed to confirm that really is him, then?”

God, what he would give to show this to Aunt May. The recent Spiderman revelation was bad enough, but this would just give her a double heart attack (“Hey, Aunt May, so not only do I risk my life every day as Spiderman, but it turns out my dad-you know, the guy who abandoned me and that you and Uncle Ben hate with a passion?- is actually alive! Maybe. Think this is him?”).

“You could go to Mr. Stark and request he perform the facial recognition.”

Wincing, Peter shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a great idea.”

“Mr. Stark might be able to help you find your father, Peter. He has resources you won’t be able to access anywhere else.”

Peter chewed at his lip thoughtfully for a moment and scratched at his head through the mask. “Isn’t that a little...personal? Mr. Stark doesn’t seem like he’d really want to get involved in something like this.”

“I think you might be surprised.”

That...could be true. Karen had been made by Mr. Stark, so she probably knew him better than Peter did. Still, he didn’t say as much. He stared up at the bunk above him, trying to soothe his nerves by once again tracing the grain in the wood with his eyes. Deep breaths, in and out.

In. Out.

In.

Out.

The guy in the street might not have been his father. There was always a chance this was just a seriously screwed up coincidence, that the man just happened to appear how he thought his dad might look if he had aged nine years...

It was difficult to think of anything when his insides felt like they had all spontaneously turned to ice.

“I’ll talk to Mr. Stark tomorrow, test the water a bit before I ask him,” Peter finally decided. “Thanks for everything, Karen.”

“Anytime, Peter.”

With that, Peter silently drew off the mask and stuffed it into his backpack. Collapsing back into the bed, he let out a sigh and closed his eyes. There was no way he was going to get any sleep tonight; his brain was firmly fixated on whatever future would emerge for him in the morning.

Still, wouldn’t hurt to try.

“Fri, be a dear and start up the coffee maker,” Tony requested in the lighter tone he reserved for his AI’s and bots.

“Another long night, Boss?” FRIDAY asked, her voice too carefully neutral. Tony had to commend himself for instilling enough character into FRIDAY’s program that she could develop such a uniquely passive-aggressive tone, as she used now. Her soft Irish lilt only served to amplify it.“Need I remind you that you are coming up on 40 hours without sleep?”

“Hey, you know as well as I do, baby girl, that I do my best work when I’m half delirious,” he quipped back. “Mark I, a new element, you. Insomnia isn’t a symptom, it’s a strategy.”

To be fair, it wasn’t like he had to keep working. There was no time limit, no sense of immediacy on the project, no lives hanging in the balance. See, the problem was he couldn’t really...sleep, these days. Hadn’t done in several years. Sure, he’d tried pills, meditation, yoga-hell, even flew out an Austrian hypnotist once. Nada. So he sort of...just gave up on trying to sleep. His body would tell him when it was ready to pass out. Usually by actually passing out.

Until then, Tony would tinker in the workshop.

If he couldn’t be healthy, then he’d damn well be productive.

Though clearly still in disagreement, FRIDAY powered up the coffee maker with a resigned, “Whatever you say, Boss.”

After retrieving a mug of the dark brew (like he was going to sully Black Ivory Coffee with cream and sugar; those beans weren’t processed through the digestive tract of elephants to be insulted like that), Tony leaned back against a large tool chest and eyed the projection on the table in front it critically. Rhodey’s leg braces worked fine and well, but that didn’t mean there couldn’t be improvements. He’d noticed a slight hitch in the normally even, calculated gate of the colonel earlier that day-or, the other day, a recent day, they all kind of blurred- and Tony was determined to smooth out the problem.

Not that there would be a problem if…if he hadn’t…

Tony jiggled his shoulders and let out a harsh breath through his nose. Setting aside the mug, he clapped his hands together and approached his workbench with intent. “Alright, round one!”

The thing with insomniac work is that it isn’t really the insomnia that drives you to do shit; it’s the reasons behind the insomnia.

In Tony’s case, guilt.

Guilt over his once well-earned title “Merchant of Death”; guilt over driving people like Killian and even Hammer to violent actions affecting so, so many innocent lives; guilt over Ultron and Sokovia; guilt over Pepper, and how could he be harder to live with than Howard?

Guilt over the Avengers, and Civil War, and “Tony, I’m flying dead stick-”

Out of the corner of his eye, Tony thought he could make out the figure of his father watching him, mocking him. He took a sip of his coffee, steadfastly ignoring it. He knew he was alone in the shop, logically, he knew that, and that his father was long, long dead, killed by Rogers’ brainwashed besty, but even so an uncomfortable chill made its way down Tony’s spine.

At least he could use it for motivation. It had worked well in the past.

Setting aside the coffee, he pushed the leg braces away and pulled up a new set of schematics.

“You have been awake for 46 hours now.”

“Great, what’s the world record?” Tony retorted, already deep into analyzing the base structure of the new suit. The key was in allowing maximum flexibility for Underroo’s gymnastics while giving him greater support should he try another “pulling two halves of a ferry together” type stunt. Enhanced or not, that kind of strain couldn’t be good for him.

Tony may have fucked up every other part of his life, but he’d be damned if he let this kid meet the same fate.

“Wake up, Boss.”

Tony jerked awake with a start, whipping around and blinking rapidly as he tried to gain his bearings.

He was in his shop, sitting at his workbench, where he’d stayed up working on Rhodey’s leg braces and Peter’s upgrade. Right.

When had he even fallen asleep?

“FRIDAY, what time is it?”

“It is 9:47 in the morning. You slept for nearly two hours. Congratulations.”

“God, why do I always program my AI’s to sass me?” He grumbled without heat, rubbing his eyes blearily as he stood slowly and winced at the crick in his neck.

He was getting way too old for falling asleep at his desk.

“Why’d you wake me in the first place? Call from Fury? Another life-threatening emergency?”

“Peter Parker is here to see you. He’s been in the lobby for the last 20 minutes.”

Tony squinted, looking towards the door as if he could peer through it and see the kid. “Did I forget about an appointment with him?”

“No, Boss. Mr. Parker showed up unannounced.”

A long way to come without warning. Tony sniffed a bit, tapping his fingers against his thigh as he pondered allowing him in.

“Hold the kid steady for me, I should...clean up, or...something.”

“You might want to hurry up with that,” FRIDAY said, her tone uncharacteristically tentative. “I think the matter might be urgent.”

That stopped Tony in his tracks. “Show me video of the lobby.”

The kid was sitting in one of the overstuffed chairs just outside. Elbows on his knees, he was pressing his fingertips to his temples, shielding his face mostly from view. Tony didn’t need to see Peter’s expression to confirm FRIDAY’s assessment, though; in the few short months he had known the kid, he didn’t think he’d ever seen him so completely still.

Tony felt a wave of concern laced with fear. The accompanying adrenalin cleared the last bits of haze from his brief nap away and had him on his feet and headed toward the bathroom attached to his workshop. As he went, he commanded, “Give me five minutes, then let the kid in.”

“Mr. Stark will see you now, Peter.”

Peter jumped at hearing FRIDAY’s Irish lilt filling the room, his heart beating way harder than was reasonable.

Be calm, be calm, deep breaths…

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Peter nodded his head and stood. “Thanks, FRIDAY.”

Peter had only been to the compound once before, and then he had only seen the hallway leading to the conference room. The elevator leading to Mr. Stark’s shop was new to him, and when the doors opened into the expansive room, Peter had to blink and gather his bearings.

‘Tony’s Playplace,’ as Peter had overheard Mr. Rhodes and Happy refer to it once, was a lot less futuristic garage and more hi-tech surgery. Half the equipment appeared to be custom made for Mr. Stark’s particular use, as Peter didn’t recognize their intended function. Half a dozen work tables were spaced throughout the room, as if put there for use by more engineers than just Mr. Stark at one time. Indeed, each had its own set of tool cabinets beside it, and on three of the tables there appeared to be projects in progress. Peter could make out what looked like a prototype for Mr. Rhodes’ leg braces on one table, and something that might belong to an Iron Man suit on another, and on the third…

Peter dropped his backpack and raced for the table, his excitement momentarily letting his purpose for this trip slip his mind. On the last table, a hologram of the development plans for a new Spiderman suit lit up the area in a soft blue glow. It looked much the same, but the schematics showed plans for reducing the stress on his body through the use of nano-tech. He reached out towards the hologram almost reverently, intending to read up further, when a voice interrupted him.

“Morning, kid.”

Peter jumped back guiltily and spun around. Mr. Stark had just stepped through a door near the back of the lab, steam swirling out behind him. The older man padded towards him as he roughly took a towel to his damp hair before tossing it to the side carelessly. This was without a doubt the most casual Peter had seen his mentor dressed, with bare feet, dark sweatpants, and a black ACDC t-shirt. Somehow, this seemed a lot more natural for him than the Armani suits.

“G-good morning, Mr. Stark,” Peter said, then winced at the way his voice caught. To cover it he indicated the Spiderman template. “Sorry, I just came in and I saw this up, and I-”

“Nah, you’re good, Underoos,” Mr. Stark cut him off. He patted Peter on the shoulder, then reached out and turned off the hologram. Peter watched it fade with no little longing. “Suit’s for you, after all.” Leaning back against the table, Mr. Stark crossed his arms and looked Peter over critically. “So how was the calculus test?”

The question was so far removed from where Peter’s mind was that it took him a moment to process. When it did, though, his face lit up with a touch of pride. “Oh! Oh, yeah, it went really well! Got a 97%.”

“Hey, that’s what we like to hear!” Mr. Stark leaned forward and lightly smacked Peter’s shoulder with the back of his hand. “Not to blow my own horn, but I think that Stark Internship is really paying off.”

The easy smile and playful wink his mentor gave him put Peter somewhat at ease. The Stark Internship had become something of an inside joke between the two of them; whenever Peter did particularly well in school, Tony would credit it on his tutelage (to be fair, it was partly due to him, as Tony had taken to helping Peter with his math and mechanics homework). If Peter did poorly, they’d argue over whether it was due to the internship taking too much of Peter’s time away from homework or Peter’s own “extracurricular activities.”

“And how about English Lit?”

This time, Peter winced. “I, uh, don’t think it’s worth mentioning that one...”

Mr. Stark snorted, but gave Peter a look. “Too much time spent on extracurricular activities.”

“No, no, I just...don’t really get Shakespeare.”

“Ah, I should get you in touch with Thor. Spend a few hours with him and he’ll have you wearing drapes and speaking Old English in no time,” Mr. Stark quipped as he turned to approach the coffee stand near his workbench.

“It’s actually Early Modern Engl-wait, you can put me in touch with Thor?”

Mr. Stark chuckled as he dumped old coffee grounds into the trash and started to prepare a new pot. “No, kid. Point Break’s been MIA for a year or so now. Plus, I don’t even know how to get in touch with an extraterrestrial God-like being. Guy doesn’t have a cell as far as I know, and he never returns my emails. You want anything to drink?”

The teenager shrugged a bit, crossing his arms. “I could have some coffee, I guess.”

“Nope, not at your age you’re not. How about some Korean Banana Milk?”

“Seriously, you have Korean Banana Milk? That’s so cool! It’s one of my favorites!”

“What a coinkydink.” Mr. Stark reached into the mini-fridge below and pulled one out, tossing it to Peter behind him. As Peter went to take an eager sip, Tony continued.“So anything exciting happen out in the field for our Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman?”

Nerves shot through Peter like lightning, and he choked on the suddenly flavorless drink. “Um...define...define exciting?”

“Oh, that reaction isn’t suspicious at all. What kind of trouble did you run into?”

Childhood trauma, Peter thought. “Just, you know, a few pickpockets, a mugging, some...unidentifiable attacker. I handled it- him- though.”

“What do you mean by “unidentifiable attacker,” exactly?” Mr. Stark said slowly, turning to look at him.

“Uh...”

“If I may, Boss, I believe Mr. Parker is thinking of the unidentified alien creature that appeared on Bleeker Street yesterday afternoon.”

“The what?” Mr. Stark spun around, a look of horror on his face. “FRIDAY, pull up reports on the incident.”

“Oh, no. I mean, it was nothing. Just a little, um tentacled creature. No one was hurt or anything. You don’t need to see the reports…” Peter started, then paused as it occurred to him that somewhere in those reports might be another image of the man who made be he father and that he might not get a better chance to ask Mr. Stark what he so desperately wanted to know.

Just the thought of the question turned Peter’s stomach to ice once again.

Distantly, Peter listened to Mr. Stark argue with FRIDAY over withholding reports on such an attack on New York, too distracted trying to not throw up the Egg McMuffin he’d snagged on his way for breakfast. God, this feeling sucked. His stomach trembled at the thought of telling Mr. Stark about his dad, afraid of being seen by his mentor as crazy or delusional, or maybe exceeding the parameters of their relationship. At the same time, he was dying to talk about it, get it off his chest, figure out what the hell was going on. What had been going on for the last nine years. A familiar tightness started to take over his chest, and Peter forced himself to let out a breath.

“Mr. Stark,” he started slowly. “Actually, if you wanted to bring up the reports, I had a part of the fight I wanted to talk to you about. Well, I mean, not the fight itself but just after. But, um… it’s kind of personal.”

The mostly one-sided argument with his AI ceased almost immediately as Tony turned to look at Peter. The only indication that he recognized the seriousness of the moment was a split-second tightening of the muscles in his shoulders at the initial statement. He relaxed again almost instantly and replied, “Sure thing, kid. What do you want me to pull up?”

Sucking in another breath, Peter let it out slowly before pressing forward. “I, um. The thing is, after the fight, I...think I saw my dad.”

Something shadowy appeared in Tony’s eyes as he looked Peter up and down. “You mean your birth father?”

Peter swallowed and nodded.

“He...passed away, several years ago, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And what do you mean, you think you saw him, like as a...hallucination?”

“I really don’t know Mr. Stark,” Peter said, anxiety clear in his voice.

Tony must have heard it because he took a breath and it was with a much more even tone that he asked his next question. “How long?”

“What?”

“How long has this been happening? Was it just the one time?”

“No,” Peter said hesitantly. “It’s been happening ever since he left me with May and Ben, when I was about six.”

Surprisingly, the air around Mr. Stark relaxed a bit more at the statement. Grabbing a nearby stool, Mr. Stark rolled it Peter’s way and indicated he should sit down. Leaning back against the coffee bar, he stuck his hands in his pockets. “And have you spoken to anyone about this before?”

Biting his lip, Peter shook his head at first as he sat down, then paused, and nodded quickly. “No, I mean, I’ve gone to therapists in the past about it. I just...haven’t told anyone else about seeing him again, except Karen.”

Mr. Stark’s lip twitched at the mention of Karen, but otherwise his expression remained somber. “So why come to me about this? Why not Aunt Hottie? And don’t get me wrong,” he added as Peter opened his mouth to respond. “I’m...glad, that you did. I just don’t know why this time is any different.”

“Because...I’m not so sure that I’ve been hallucinating him.”

A pause. “How do you mean?” Mr. Stark asked carefully.

“Well...Karen’s camera was able to pick him up, Mr. Stark.”

After a longer pause Tony asked, “So Karen saw him too?”

“Yeah, she did. He was even in the video playback.”

“You mean the baby monitor protocol?” Tony asked with the ghost of a smile.

Peter rolled his eyes at the name but nodded in agreement.

“And what would you like me to do?”

“Can you do some kind of facial recognition? Maybe see if you can track him down, figure out where he’s been, where he lives-”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down, kid,” Mr. Stark said, raising a hand up placatingly. “Listen, I get that you're excited at the idea that your old man might still be alive, but-” He cut himself off, and chewed at his lip as he looked at Peter with uncertainty.

Peter plowed ahead before his mentor could finish his thought. “Please, Mr Stark. I have to know. This is...this is my dad we’re talking about.”

Mr. Stark hung his head with a deep sigh. Looking up at Peter through his eyelashes, he spoke gravely. “You do understand that you might not like the answer you get, right? It might not be him, and you’ll have to accept that. If it is him, then...there’s a serious question about why he hasn’t been around, why he let you think he’s dead, all of it. And I can do a detailed facial recognition, look for scars and moles and specifics like that, but even if it says it’s him, and I track him down, it might just be a guy that looks a hell of a lot like him. Chances are it was just a huge coincidence.”

Reaching out, Mr. Stark gripped Peter’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I don’t want to bring you down, okay kid? I’ll do it, I just want you to be aware of what you might be setting yourself up for. No false hope. I don’t deal in that, especially not with you.”

Peter’s nerves settled into something less all-encompassing and more simmering. Despite the fatalistic feeling his mentor’s words might induce in some, his heavy dose of realism was exactly what Peter needed to hear. Almost as soon as Mr. Stark finished talking, he found himself nodding his head.

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

*******

I very nearly ended this on a cliffhanger again, but that would have just been heavy-handed and forced. You'll get that exciting tidbit next chapter. ;)

Also, chapters 3 and 4 might not be up on Mondays, just because I have a fic to finish editing for a Yu-Gi-Oh Big Bang I participated in. That has to be done by the 18th, so after that things SHOULD be on schedule.

The title for the next chapter is "Coming Back to Life." Also by Pink Floyd, as all songs chosen for chapter titles will be.

#ironstrange #Peter Parker #spiderman #iron man #Tony Stark #Stephen Strange #Doctor Strange #Iron Dad #Spider Son #Doctor Dad #ironstrange fanfic

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musicalmelody001 · 6 years ago

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Tagged Game

I was Tagged by @unsocialpaladin for most likely nefarious reasons. I'm on to you!

Rules: Answer 15 questions, Tag 15 Mutuals! (Hun, I got like, three mutuals tops. Have fun w/ that 15.)

1. Are you named after someone? Not a person, but my mom picked my middle name from a ShineDown song!

2. When was the last time you cried? Right to the hard stuff, huh? Damn. Fine, be like that. Five days ago, if you're not counting book-induced feels.

3. Do you have kids? Not biologically or legally, but somehow I've ended up practically raising my siblings and friend group. And whenever I chat with coworkers who DO have kids, I somehow understand and relate to almost EVERYTHING.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Who? Me?? Use SARCASM??? What in the WORLD would give you THAT idea?

5. What's the first thing people notice about you? Fuck if I know, they don't tell me! But I get a lot of glares from strangers, so it's prob not "my beautiful features" or smth like that.

6. Eye color? The dumbest-ass hazel color that ever EXISTED! It doesn't look like brown OR green! Just that sludge in the bottom of city dumpsters you avoid at all costs.

7. Scary movies or happy endings? Honest, I am SUCH a hopless romantic, and SUCH a sucker for romcoms, but know I WILL cut a bitch if someone tries to get me to watch a scary movie because I don't mess with that shit.

8. Any special talents? Uhhhh is Extreme Anxiety™ considered a tallent? Uhhhh, I guess mine would be accidentally predicting the future. I do that a lot and it drives my friends crazy.

9. Where were you born? Houston, and then a couple months later my parents split up and we moved! Hence my nomadic life begins.

10. Any hobbies? I usually say reading, but sometimes my friends quickly correct me and say it's an addiction. Same with fanfiction and shipping. Uhhh, I like cooking shows and baking? That's fun! I 'videogame' on occasion. I have a few different collections, do those count?

11. Do you have any pets? Yes, my Baby is a Jack Russel. She has WAY too much energy and is determined to EAT ALL THE THINGS, so she's quite a handful. Nothing is safe from her noms, not even herself. We stopped buying her pet beds because she'd eat the whole thing in a couple hours. But she LOVES PEOPLE™ and likes pats. Dispite her tendency to eat windowsills, she is teaching herself English and seems to understand most of my conversations, whether they involve her name or not. Such a smart little sweetie.

12. How tall are you? Freaking short! My whole family is 6ft! But me? Nooooo!!! 5'3" was the most I got for the longest time, and I eventually got one more inch, but that's it. I'm done.

13. What sports do you play/have played? Uhhhhh so, I've done ballet, soccer, tapdancing, horseback riding (v fun), iceskating, gymnastics, roller skating (IT COUNTS!) and bowling. I think horseback riding was one of my faves, and deffinitely the one I've retained the best via testing many years after being out of practice.

14. Favorite subject in school? Mine was usually math, or Drama. Senior year I took Accounting and Psychology, they were amazing! I LOVED them!

15. Dream job? Idk, honestly. Sometimes I think writing, marketing, graphic design, or stay-at-home mom. We'll see eventually, I guess?

Tag! You're it! I tag: uuuuuuuhhhhh nobody, this is too much work. Whoever sees this, I guess? Idk. I'm tired.

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thecakewolfuniverse · 7 years ago

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Nightmare on Elm Street: NES (1990) Review

by Matthew Fishgold

Thanks to the reimagining of Freddy and the return of Wes Craven to the franchise, Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) inspired many things for us messed up kids to enjoy. One of those glorious Freddy boons was A Nightmare on Elm Street for the Nintendo Entertainment System (1990).

In the 8-bit era of gaming, developers had to be more than just creative with their projects. Story wasn’t enough to reach the masses, so tight and responsive gameplay was God. Competing with stars like Megaman & Mario, people either had to step up their game to make cash, or piggyback a popular franchise. Enter Publisher LJN…

LJN was never known for being a trustworthy name for games to stand behind. The atrocities of the NES Friday the 13th (1989) game is case in point. Also, Jaws, The Uncanny X-Men, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and many other NES titles are further examples of the shit they churned out of their filthy, greedy buttholes. Which makes it all the more strange that Nightmare on Elm Street is so playable…

This was a game that I grew up with. I always played it with my best friend, and we could never get very far. Now that I’m older, I can finally see why. Nightmare boasts the ability to connect and multi-play with up to a total of four players. However, with even one extra player, you’re going to fuck yourself. This game requires a lot of precise jumping to navigate through the levels, and the physics of your character’s jump mechanic is pretty bad. So, unless every player is working in absolute sync with one another, without any individuality, one character's progression will ensure another player's death, time and time again.

The game begins by putting you on a linear path of left or right. Either way you travel you’ll have to punch wolves, snakes, bats and frankensteins in the face with your one-inch punches (totally not as cool as Bruce Lee). You’ll have to be pretty damn precise with these punches if you’re planning on killing anything, the hit detection sucks balls unless you’re right up in the enemy’s fucking grille. So, I’d suggest just jumping over everything, the enemies won’t turn around, they’ll just keep running head first like they’re in uncontrollable heat.

The object of the game is to discover the sequence of houses/graveyard/junkyard you have to enter on this linear path in order to collect all of Freddy’s bones within each area. Unfortunately for you, there’s no way to tell what the sequence is unless you’ve played this game as many times as I have...too many.

As you collect the bones in each level, you’ll be able to progress further, and only when you collect ALL THE BONES, miss one and you’ll have to backtrack. It’s pretty easy to miss the bones too, sometimes they blend into the background. Also, sometimes you will be jumping up on one like a fucking madman and it won’t let you get it. If that happens you’ll have to make sure you’re not using any dream powers.

One of the best parts of this game is using the dreams powers. The Gymnast, The Ninja, and The Wizard are power-ups that you’ll find throughout the levels. They’ll allow you to use special abilities other than your one-inch punch, but you’ll have to be in the dream realm to use them.

The game is separated by an awake and nightmare realm. I’d suggest staying in the nightmare realm as much as possible. There, you can use your power to shoot projectiles at the enemies, making the game much more playable, despite the tougher enemies.

Ghosts, satyrs, Freddy spiders, and flying skulls replace the normal enemies in the levels while you’re in the nightmare realm. If for some reason, you want to wake up, there are boom boxes throughout the levels that will play a rad tune and jostle you back into the waking world. You enter the nightmare realm by letting your sleep meter run down, coffee will increase your meter, but everything else you do will lower it.

The only downfall about staying in the nightmare realm too long is that eventually, Freddy will come after you for a mini-boss fight. However, once you get used to it, fighting the mini-boss Freddy is so easy that it’s almost a joke. So once again, live in the nightmare realm as much as possible.

At the end of each level, you’ll be treated to a different form of Freddy, including his glove, head, ghost Freddy, bat Freddy, and alternate variations of the claw and head. To be honest, at the time of this review, I’ve still not yet beaten the damn game. I always die in the same damn spot too. In true Megaman fashion, at the final level, you have to defeat every prior boss in sequence. Unlike games today, there’s no save feature for Nightmare on Elm Street, so when I die at the end level, I have to start all the way at the beginning again. I’ll beat it eventually, even if it takes me another twenty years dammit.

It’s not saying much that Nightmare on Elm Street is the best 8-bit video game based on a horror movie, due to its lack of competition and poor contenders. Though it has its problems, the game is definitely playable once you learn how it should be handled, and who knows, you might just become addicted to it like I am.

#Nightmare on Elm Street #nes #nintendo entertainment system #Horror Video Games #video games #horror #freddy krueger #noes #dream warriors #robert englund #8-bit #retro gaming #nintendo

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mst3kproject · 7 years ago

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809: I Was a Teenage Werewolf

Kind of a strange title, isn't it? I Was a Teenage Werewolf. It seems to imply two things: first of all, the word was ought to suggest that this is all in the past, that the speaker has been cured of his lycanthropy and good for him! Second, and even stranger, is the fact that the title is in the first person. A title that begins with the word I implies that this is a retrospective, a story the main character is telling to us after the fact like Helene DeLambre telling her brother-in-law how Andre ended up with the head of a fly. Yet in the movie itself, Tony dies, still a werewolf! He clearly isn't sitting around remembering these events.

Actually, this whole movie is pretty weird. It's one of the more mainstream-ish films ever to be featured on MST3K (my Mom says she remembers seeing it when it was new), but the longer you think about it, the less sense it makes.

Tony Rivers is a pretty ordinary kid with a bad temper. After getting into a series of fights, he is sent to see Dr. Brandon, a psychologist who can supposedly hypnotize him into conformity. That sounds like the plot of a horror movie all on its own, but it gets worse. Dr. Brandon has apparently given up hope on the human race and decided that the only solution to our economic and nuclear woes is to regress us all back to the stone age and let society start over. He dopes Tony up (on an anti-nausea drug for some reason) and starts the regression process, but instead of Tony turning into a club-wielding caveman or something, he becomes a *dam wirwulf!

In terms of production values, I Was a Teenage Werewolf is one of the better movies to make the MST3K cut. The actors are competent, the pacing's not bad, cinematography works, and the werewolf makeup is no better but not appreciably worse than anything else on offer in a late fifties cheapie. You could watch this on its own, but as an episode it's okay. Mike and the bots make jokes about the care and training of your werewolf and about thrown dairy products that are very funny, and 'jokes' accusing Tony of abusing his girlfriend Arlene that are never funny in the slightest.

The plot, however, is baffling. First, there's its use of hypnosis. Between this, The Undead, and The She-Creature, I'm starting to think hypnosis was one of those Magic Plot Coupons in the 50's, like radiation, that could be used to explain just about anything. The Great Vorelli transfers souls into puppets using hypnosis. Quintus in The Undead goes bodily back in time, literally vanishing and leaving his empty clothes in his chair. Dr. Carlo Lombardi manifests a giant lobster monster and makes it kill people by hypnotizing Andrea. I swear the most plausible use of hypnosis I've seen doing this blog is Vorelli raping Marianne!

MST3K did three werewolf movies: in The Mad Monster Pedro became a werecoyote through a transfusion of coyote blood, and in Werewolf you could either cut yourself on the teeth of the werewolf skull or be injected with blood from somebody who had. These both sort of feel like they make sense according to 'rules' we're already familiar with – lycanthropy is spread by biting, which implies an infection of some sort. But hypnosis? Being hypnotized does make the subject more open to suggestion, to the point where people have become convinced that they were abducted by aliens or members of non-existent satanic cults. If Tony merely believed he'd become a werewolf, hypnosis as an explanation would work, but the movie makes it clear that his transformation is a physical reality! It can't be the drug that did it, since Tony transforms without it on at least two occasions. No, it seems we're meant to believe Dr. Brandon literally talked Tony into being a werewolf. Pepe the Latino-Transylvanian janitor's theory of the evil eye and possession would actually work better, by invoking the supernatural instead.

Why a werewolf, anyway? Dr. Brandon says he wants to regress Tony to a more primitive state, but human beings did not evolve from werewolves. If he wants to make us better by divorcing us from our technology, why does he try to do so by turning his subject into a mindless killer? A world full of werewolves would definitely mean an end to civilization as we know it, but it doesn't seem like there'd be anything much left to start over from. If Tony's condition were in any way an unexpected result of the treatment, this might work better with what Brandon says he's trying to do, but he behaves as if were-Tony is exactly what he wanted.

Brandon's assistant Hugo points out that the whole scheme is stupid and that Brandon doesn't exactly have Tony's informed consent, only to be answered with a sneer of, “and you call yourself a scientist!” I guess scientists just decide to make monsters and come up with the rationalization later, ethics be damned.

In a way, Tony's treatment kind of seems to do him some good – his grades improve and his principal comments on how he's much better at getting along with his peers, to the point where she wants to offer him an honours certificate and a letter of recommendation. This seems like good news, and if that were the extent of Tony's personality changes we might be tempted to conclude that being a werewolf is beneficial! Maybe his lycanthropy allows him to work out his urges to violence through murder at night, leaving him quieter during the day? There's more to it than this, however – Tony's friends note that he's 'not himself' and that the difference runs deeper than just not punching everything in sight. He has become anxious and withdrawn, and no longer wants to hang out with them or with Arlene.

To this day, a great many people refuse to seek treatment for mental illness because they fear the medication will leave them a sort of zombie, able to function but with their personality gone. Others refuse to get help because they don't want to be thought of as a 'mental patient' – Tony refers to this when he says he doesn't want to be considered a 'flip'. The police, his father, and his girlfriend all encourage him, but to no avail until the incident at the Hallowe'en party makes it clear that things simply cannot go on the way they are. Then when Tony does seek treatment, it turns out to be worse than he feared. Dr. Brandon not only leaves him a shell of his former self but in a very real sense makes his condition worse. Human Tony committed assault. Werewolf Tony is a murderer.

As in many werewolf movies, the werewolf himself is not the monster but the victim. The real villain is the monster-maker, who here represents all society's fears not about mental illness itself, but about the attempts to help those who have it! Shame on AIP, shame on director Gene Fowler, and shame on writer/producer Herman Cohen for villifying psychologists. Surely there's enough stigma surrounding mental illness without adding that!

Another part of the generally unfavourable view of psychologists in this movie seems to be inherent in the bell triggering Tony's transformations. This is kind of confusing when it happens, since Dr. Brandon never rang a bell for Tony and the first werewolf attack, on the boy walking home in the woods, doesn't seem to be related to a bell. But it's a bell that prompts Tony to transform and attack the gymnast, and a ringing phone that makes him attack Dr. Brandon. I think this may be intended to invoke Pavlov's dog, which was taught to salivate when a bell rang. The fact that it was a dog in the experiment might even make this an intentional joke, on a similar level to Mike and the bots' comments about flea collars and leashes. But Pavlov's experiment was, of course, a psychological experiment, exploring the brain's associations between stimuli, and so this once again serves to throw a poor light on the psychologist.

As a movie, I Was a Teenage Werewolf feels a little unfinished. There's only the one victim in the woods before Tony is 'outed' when he attacks the gymnast, so there's no chance for the story to build up a sense of suspense and danger. We want to see the teens start to wonder if their 'Haunted House' hangout really is haunted. We want to see Tony narrowly avoid transforming and killing Arlene. The script wants us to both fear and pity Tony, but there's never enough done with the monster to really inspire either. We get such a brief and perfunctory introduction to the victims that their deaths mean nothing to us. The only really poignant thing in the movie is when Tony goes to Dr. Brandon begging for help while we know this is the last thing he ought to do, and as a result the only really satisfying thing is that Tony kills Dr. Brandon at the end.

It's frustrating to watch a movie waste so much of its potential. It feels like the script was written in an awful hurry, and the audience leaves feeling like the movie could have been so much more than it was. The lack of care and thought that went into this story is a terrible shame, because I Was a Teenage Werewolf has a good cast and acceptable monster makeup, is competently directed and decently scored. It had everything it needed to be a pretty good werewolf movie... it just wasn't.

#mst3k #reviews #i was a teenage werewolf #tw: rape #tw: abuse #50s #you is a warwelf

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