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[freshthoughts2020]

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[okaylikeschaewon]

Chapter 8: Changes

Male reader, ~5k words, too lazy to proofread this one

“Oh!” Kazuha gasped, her arms flying to her chest as if she had a heart attack. “I’m so sorry!”

“Fuck’s sake,” you muttered under your breath. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Here!” Kazuha ran over to the sink and grabbed a handful of paper towels, dabbing at your chest.

“Thanks, I got it,” you said, taking the paper towels from her hands.

Without missing a beat, she grabbed more and wet them at the sink before dabbing at the coffee on your shirt again.

“I said I got it.”

“It’ll stain if you’re not quick,” she ignored you, frantically dabbing away.

“Zuha!” you raised your voice just slightly while grabbing her wrists. “I got it, relax.”

“Sorry, I was just trying to help,” she responded with a tinge of worry, or perhaps fear in her voice - it was difficult to interpret.

Her reaction hurt to see, you didn’t intend to frighten her. After letting out a small sigh, your shoulders drooped.

“You alright?” you asked gently, tossing the paper towels onto the counter and placing an arm around her waist. You stared directly into her eyes, and she returned the softest of gazes back at you, essentially melting your heart right there on the spot. “I feel like this is the first time you’ve made eye contact with me in three days.”

“Well…” she froze.

“Hey, don’t stress it,” you reassured her, giving her a little squeeze.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, dropping her gaze to the floor.

It was a complete spur of the moment decision, it just felt right - you leaned forward and kissed her softly on her forehead. She jolted slightly, eyes shooting back up to yours, mouth slightly agape. The two of you stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. Her dark, dewy eyes locked onto yours, that unrelenting gaze.

“Kazuha-” you started before pausing at the sound of her heavy sigh.

“Can we talk?” she asked quietly.

“Of course.”

—

“Did you do it?”

“I did.”

“Oh my God!” Chaewon squealed, grabbing your arm and sitting you onto her bed. “How was it? How was she?”

Before answering her, you grabbed her arm back and pulled her onto you, letting your back hit the mattress. You grabbed the back of Chaewon’s head and forcefully pushed your mouth against hers, kissing her as if your life depended on it.

“I love you.”

“That was unexpected,” Chaewon giggled in front of your face. “I love you, too.”

As soon as the words escaped her lips you had already started kissing her again. Your hands snaked around the back of her neck and her back, holding her body as close to yours as you could while you made out with her soft lips.

“As much as I want to do this all day, I do actually want to hear about last night,” Chaewon chuckled, lifting herself up slightly.

This time you pulled her into a hug, gently stroking her soft hair as her head rested her cheek against your chest.

“What do you want to know?” you asked softly.

“How was her first time?”

“It was as perfect as I could have asked for,” you answered her before wrapping both arms around her body and hugging her tightly. “Just like you, as perfect as I could ever want.”

“Babe, if I knew you’d get this sentimental I would have had this happen way earlier,” Chaewon chuckled, hugging you back tightly.

“I just want you to know how much I love you, and that I’ll never let you go.”

“Hopefully you’re not being literal, because at some point I’ll need you to let go so I can live my life,” Chaewon giggled again before giving you a kiss on the cheek and sitting up. “Did you cum in her?”

“You sure you want details?” you sat up so that you were sitting facing Chaewon on the bed.

“You’re right, that’s between you and her.”

“Sweetheart, I promise I’m not trying to hide anything from you.”

“No no, some stuff should stay between the two of you,” Chaewon smiled warmly. “Thank you for doing this.”

“There’s no way you’re the one thanking me,” you laughed as you slid into the bedsheets. “I should be the one spending the next hour between your legs thanking you.”

“Is that an offer?” Chaewon smirked as she slid into the sheets next to you.

“I’d live the rest of my days between your legs if that’s what you wanted,” you replied while placing your arm around her, resting your hand on her ass.

“Tempting,” she giggled before giving you a short kiss on your mouth. “Well, I’m glad it went well.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Silly question, you already know the answer,” she smiled back at you.

“I get that you wanted this for her,” you continued. “But honestly, what do you get out of this… arrangement?”

Chaewon considered the question for a moment. Her expression hardly gave you any clue as to what she was thinking, so it was impossible to guess; Usually her face came with subtitles, but this time you picked up on nothing.

“I guess… the way she looks at you… I just wanted to make her happy,” Chaewon eventually answered. “I didn’t think it would bother me since I really do really love both of you.”

“Did it?” you asked directly.

“Did it what?”

“Chaewon.”

“It…” her lip began to quiver.

“Sweetheart,” you pulled her closer and rubbed her back. “What happened? You can tell me honestly.”

“Okay, well, truthfully there are times where I kinda feel like…” she trailed off before finishing her sentence.

“Babe, you feel like what?” you encouraged her to continue.

It took her a second and another heavy sigh before continuing.

“No, it’s stupid, I’m being stupid,” she continued.

“Whatever’s on your mind, you can tell me,” you reassured her. “I can tell something’s bothering you, please.”

“You’re also going to think it’s stupid.”

“I won’t.”

“It’s just, at times, maybe…” she paused again.

“Maybe?” you urged her to continue, trying your best to remain patient.

“Like maybe… I’m not enough for you…”

The thumping of your heart could be felt in your throat after that line. The immediate dejection that took over as you saw her lip quiver again was overwhelming, you felt like your heart was about to explode.

“Not enough for me?”

“Yeah.”

“What makes you feel this way?”

“I don’t know!” she snapped as tears began flowing down her face. “Sorry, I just don’t understand why it’s bothering me.”

“You don’t need to apologize for how you feel,” you said softly while rubbing her back gently. “Ever.”

“I don’t…” she tilted her head backwards, looking straight up at the roof, and laughed while wiping her eyes. “I swear I was fine with it, really I meant it when I said it’s fine and that I’m okay with you fooling around with her, that’s why I’m just so confused as to why it’s bothering me now.”

“Sweetheart,” you began gently. Her face turned to yours again, she stared at you with her reddened eyes, waiting for you to speak. “You’re allowed to change your mind, maybe you were fine with it before, but now you’re not.”

Chaewon nodded her head, still on the verge of tears, still waiting for you to continue.

“But I never want you to feel like you’re not enough for me,” you whispered, pressing down into her body with your hand.

“Then why are you so flirty with Zuha?” she asked quietly.

“Chaewon-”

“No, stop,” Chaewon began sobbing. “Now I feel like an asshole for pushing so hard for this to happen just to get upset about it.”

“You’re not-”

“I don’t know what got into me,” she sniffled, cutting you off again. “I promise I meant it when I said it was fine, I don’t know why I’m so emotional all of a sudden.”

It was difficult to figure out exactly what to say, and before you could even try thinking, Chaewon leaned forward and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.

“I’m sorry for that, I’m good,” she stated unconvincingly as she turned back to you again, still clearly choked up. “I think I just felt bad for feeling this way, and when you were being so lovey-dovey it made me feel so stupid for ever doubting how much you love me.”

“Of course I love you, more than anything,” you sat up next to her, pulling her gently so she was sitting right next to you against the headrest. “But that doesn’t make these feelings stupid or invalid. Maybe you thought you’d be okay with it, but now that it happened you realized you’re not okay with it, and that’s completely fine.”

She nodded slightly.

“If anything, it’s stupid of me to have even considered it.”

“Don’t,” she replied firmly. “I was very adamant that you did it, you’re not allowed to blame yourself.”

“Okay fair,” you chuckled lightly, making sure to gauge her reaction. “Regardless, it’s an unorthodox situation, I don’t think placing blame is important.”

“I’m not trying to blame you.”

“And I’m saying there’s no reason to even think about blame right now, which means you can’t blame yourself either.”

“Okay,” she replied quietly as she leaned her head on your shoulder.

There was a very short pause before you continued.

“The flirting is just meaningless fun, but I never realized it bothered you.”

“It really doesn’t,” Chaewon replied quietly. “I was just trying to make sense of how I was feeling, I could never actually get upset at Zuha, I love that girl far too much.”

“It’s not an easy situation,” you replied before pressing your lips down on the top of Chaewon’s head, holding them there for a second before kissing her. “So, I guess the question is, what happens now?”

“I guess the first thing is that I should stop being over sensitive,” she said with a meek laugh.

“You’re not being over sensitive,” you argued. “If anything, I find it reassuring in a way.”

“It’s really not the physical part that ever bothered me,” Chaewon continued slowly. “Genuinely, you sleeping with Zuha doesn’t bother me at all, even now.”

“It’s okay if it does.”

“No, seriously,” Chaewon repeated firmly. “It was the dumb idea that you’d leave me that got to me.”

“I’m not going to leave you.”

“I know, I trust you,” she smiled. “If it really went as well as you said it did, I want you to sleep with her again.”

“What?” you coughed, not believing your ears. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to be okay with this.”

“And that’s exactly why I want you to do it,” she replied casually. “I can tell you don’t believe me when I say I’m fine with it.”

“I do believe you-”

“No you don’t,” Chaewon chuckled. “Especially not after this whole reaction.”

“Okay maybe a tiny part of me is a bit hesitant,” you admitted.

I get that,” she continued. “I don’t know how else to convince you, though.”

“Why do you need to convince me?” you asked.

“Because, you big dummy, I’m the one who told you to sleep with her,” Chaewon snuggled up next to you again. “Until I’m convinced you believe me when I say it’s okay, you have to keep sleeping with her. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I put you in this situation otherwise.”

“I don’t know about this,” you hesitated.

“I’m going to tell her you didn’t have a good time, then,” Chaewon threatened, looking at you.

“You wouldn’t dare do that to her,” you playfully gasped, knowing she’d never even consider jokingly hurting Kazuha like that.

“Sure you wanna test that?” Chaewon replied dramatically. “Would you really risk it?”

“Sweetheart,” you started, shifting your tone to a much more serious one. “What if I don’t want to sleep with her?”

“Are you honestly telling me you don’t want to sleep with Kazuha?”

“If there’s any chance it would hurt you, yeah that’s exactly what I’m telling you.”

She paused for a second, contemplating your words deeply.

“I’m telling you it won’t hurt me, now do you still refuse to sleep with her? Do you not find her attractive?”

“I mean… I…”

“Do you love her?” Chaewon asked suddenly.

“Not like that,” you answered immediately. “You’re the only person I love like that.”

“Then just do it,” she added quietly. “For me.”

“What a fucking deal,” you mumbled, your mind suddenly thinking about Kazuha again. “I love you so much.”

“To be clear, this doesn’t mean you stop sleeping with me, I’m still your girlfriend,” Chaewon replied sternly. “And I love you, too.”

“Even better,” you laughed. “But wait, what if Kazuha doesn’t want to-”

“I don’t think you’ll need to worry.”

“Why not? She was pretty quiet during the drive back this morning, maybe she didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought she did.”

“She did.”

“How can you…” you started before it hit you. “She already told you how it went.”

“I got a text that same night,” Chaewon giggled. “I just wanted to hear your side of it.”

“What did she say?”

“Ask her yourself,” Chaewon teased before turning her back.

Your mind began imagining all the possibilities those texts could say as you snuggled up behind Chaewon. You gave her a playful slap on her ass before wrapping her up in your arms.

“Fine, I’ll ask her later, I’m going back to bed.”

“Lazy bum, I gotta go soon, are you not coming with?” Chaewon asked as she playfully pressed her backside into your crotch.

“I barely slept at all last night.”

“Too busy staring at Kazuha?”

“I’d say it was worth it,” you yawned, feeling the blood starting to rush to your crotch as Chaewon’s ass pushed against you. “When you say soon, how soon are we talking?”

“Too soon to do what you’re thinking.”

“You sure about that?” you whispered into her ear as you wrapped an arm around her body and slipped your hand between her legs. “It could be quick.”

“Certain,” Chaewon giggled, squeezing her legs together to trap your hand.

“I’m getting mixed signals here.”

“Figure it out.”

“Let go of my hand and I’ll convince you to show up late to whatever you have going on.”

Chaewon spread her legs enough for you to regain control of your hand, but before you could react she had already jumped out of the bed.

“Sorry, you’re not convincing enough,” she teased, running over to her closet to get changed. “Try again next time.”

“Come on,” you whined. “You can’t just get me all excited just to leave.”

“I can,” Chaewon replied without evening looking back at you as she took her outfit out of the closet.  “You can jerk off while I change,” she teased, bending over extra deep as she took her shorts off, tossing them at your face before putting her sweatpants on.

“That’s not fun.”

“Make it fun,” Chaewon took off her oversized shirt, putting on a fitted crop top. “There’s a plug in the top drawer, shove it up your ass.”

“Since when do you have a plug?” you chuckled, calling out her bluff.

“It vibrates,” she replied, winking at you before walking to the door. “I’ll be back in like two hours, love you!”

“Love you, too,” you replied back as she closed the door behind her.

—

When you woke up, Chaewon was still gone. There was an obnoxiously adorable pink sticky note decorated with hand-drawn hearts on the side table with your name written on the top. Next to it, a glass of water and a small piece of chocolate.

Had to go back to the office, come visit when you wake up sleepyhead.

So it seemed Chaewon came back and left already. It didn’t even occur to you how tired your body must have been for you to sleep through that; Hopefully Kazuha was doing better than you today. You got out of Chaewon’s bed feeling refreshed and walked over to her bathroom. Here, you found more confirmation that Chaewon stopped by as there was a very distinct outline of her lips drawn in lipstick on your cheek.

“Silly girl,” you mumbled to yourself before wiping it off.

The drive over to the office was relatively uneventful. You had stopped by a bakery to pick up a little treat for Chaewon, returning the small gesture she left you earlier. Once you arrived, you barely had three minutes to speak with your girlfriend.

“I’m sorry, I have no idea when we’ll be done tonight,” Chaewon sighed, giving you a quick hug after the rest of the members left the two of you alone.

“Don’t worry, I know how this works,” you reassured her, handing her the little paper bag. “You’re all sweaty.”

“That’s not what I wanna hear,” she complained as she looked into the bag. “It’s because I’m working hard.”

“I bet you are,” you leaned forward and gave her a little peck on the cheek. “What’s your plan tomorrow?”

“More of this,” Chaewon sighed. “Idol work never really ends, I think we have a variety shooting tomorrow.”

“Which means I won’t see you all day.”

“I’m sorry babe,” Chaewon placed her arms on your shoulders. “I’ll text you during every break.”

“No, it’s fine, I can go one day without talking to you,” you jokingly sniffled, pretending to wipe a tear from your eye.

“Don’t do that,” she whined, pouting at you. “I can’t do anything about it.”

“I’m just kidding,” you smiled at her, giving her a little pat on her butt. “Text me when you get home?”

“Of course.”

“By the way, was Kazuha acting a little odd just now?”

“I didn’t really notice anything, why?”

“Hmm, it’s probably nothing,” you shook your head slightly. “Alright, get back to your hard work before you get in trouble.”

“I’m blaming you if I do,” Chaewon gave you one last kiss before scurrying away to catch up with the rest of the girls.

—

Just as you predicted, there was no opportunity to meet up with Chaewon the next day. Luckily you had a small buildup of work that kept you occupied throughout the day. You did end up texting her as much as you could, but you knew she was busy so you tried to be as supportive as you could. Overall, the day went by smoothly, and before you knew it you were getting ready to sleep. Then, just as you were about to get ready to get into bed, your phone rang.

“Hello cutie,” you answered the Facetime call.

“Hey, just got home,” Chaewon replied, smiling at you. “Why are you topless?”

“I was about to sleep,” you answered. “Why aren’t you topless.”

There was a collective ‘eww’ that rang through the phone immediately.

“I didn’t realize you weren’t alone,” you laughed as Chaewon shook her head with a smile. “Hey girls.”

A slurry of greetings came through the phone as Chaewon turned the camera around to show the rest of the group waving at you.

“Why aren’t you here!” Yunjin shouted from the back. “What kind of boyfriend are you!”

“She told me not to come!”

“Way to throw me under the bus,” Chaewon glared at you as the girls started teasing her.

“It’s true though.”

“Don’t make me hangup,” she threatened as she walked up the stairs to her room. “And to think, I was actually going to take my shirt off.”

“Wait no-”

“I guess I’ll just go to sleep,” Chaewon exaggerated a sigh. “I am pretty tired after all, long day.”

“Chaewon, stop teasing.”

“What, you still want me to take my shirt off?” she asked innocently as she jumped into her bed. “Say please.”

“You’re so ridiculous,” you chuckled. “How was your day?”

“Exhausting,” Chaewon sighed for real, putting the phone down next to her on the bed. “You free tomorrow? I still have to go to the office, but I’ll have way more time to chill.”

“I could probably stop by after lunch.”

“That works,” Chaewon picked the phone back up, her bare shoulders in frame now. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” you replied. “Want me to come spend the night?”

“No, I need to actually sleep.”

“Well yeah, that would be the plan.”

“We both know it wouldn’t work like that,” Chaewon giggled. “Not that I’d mind.”

“If that’s the case, maybe I actually will come over.”

“Just move in already.”

“Excuse me, aren’t you the one stopping that from happening?” you called her out.

“I changed my mind, I want you to fuck me every night,” Chaewon moaned into the phone.

“Don’t fucking do this to me,” you groaned. “Not when I’m here and you’re there.”

“I’m sorry babe, I’m just so…” she closed her eyes, mouth slightly agape. “So fucking wet.”

“Oh my God, stop teasing.”

Chaewon burst out giggling, loving the control she had over you.

“Come in!” Chaewon shouted, looking up from the phone.

“Hey, are my earbuds still in your bag?” a distant Kazuha’s voice came through.

“Oh yeah I forgot, they should be,” Chaewon answered. “On the chair, under my jacket.”

“Hey Kazuha!” you shouted through the phone.

Chaewon held the phone up for her.

“Oh! Hello!” Kazuha stuttered awkwardly. “I didn’t realize you were still on a call, I’ll leave you two alone!”

“Goodnight Zuha,” Chaewon called out, pointing the phone back to her face as Kazuha closed the door behind her.

“Did that seem weird to you?”

“What?”

“That interaction, she just seemed kinda… different?”

“I think you might be overthinking it,” Chaewon yawned.

“She seemed a bit off yesterday when I stopped by, too.”

“She’s probably just tired.”

“Maybe…” you began thinking.

“You think it has something to do with the other night?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t really talked to her about it,” you answered. “Has she said anything to you?”

“Nope, but we’ve also been incredibly busy these last couple days.”

“RIght, whatever I’ll figure it out later. You should probably get some sleep.”

“So you’re going to make me take off my clothes for you and then just leave me?” Chaewon puffed out her cheeks, letting the phone drop just enough so you could see a bit of her bare chest.

“I’ll drive over right now.”

“Goodnight, love you,” Chaewon giggled while hanging up the phone.

—

Just as you promised, you showed up to the office the next day after finishing your work. Since you ended up running late and missing lunch, you decided to indulge yourself in the HYBE cafeteria. The food was phenomenal, a convenient perk of having Chaewon’s guest pass, and since it was a late lunch there was no one around to bother you.

After finishing your meal, you went and found where the girls were. Today was a light day, they were just practicing the choreo for some of the b-sides of their album, keeping it light as a sort of rest day. You quietly snuck into the dance studio, taking a seat on the couch in the back of the room. The girls, professional as can be, didn’t even miss a beat when you walked in and finished the routine.

As the final note of the song played, they finally dropped their ending poses and let out sighs of relief. A couple of them dropped straight to the floor, sitting or laying down, while the rest walked over to you.

“The days just get longer and longer,” Yunjin sighed, falling onto the couch before looking at you. “How’s it going?”

“Not bad, yourself?” you answered.

“Tired.”

“It’s just for a bit more,” Sakura chimed in from the other couch. “And come on, today was pretty fun.”

“A nap would be pretty fun,” Yunjin joked.

“Oh great idea, let’s all nap!” Chaewon agreed excitedly as she sat down next to you.

“Come on, where is the energy!” Sakura laughed. “This is the first easy day we’ve had in so long, go drink some coffee or something!”

“Coffee too far,” Chaewon whined, leaning on you. “Nap instead.”

“Yeah, nap instead,” Yunjin agreed.

“It’s literally down the hall, look, those two are going,” Sakura shook her head in disbelief before staring at herself in the mirror and repeating a few of the motions.

“I love that part,” you commented as you watched her dance. “You always nail the expressions so damn perfectly, even when you’re practicing you always stay consistent.”

“Oh, thank you,” Sakura paused to look at you before immediately turning away to hide the subtle blush on her cheeks.

“Why don’t you compliment me like that,” Chaewon poked you in your side.

“Someones in trouble,” Yunjin sang while scrolling through her phone.

“I do compliment you like that, like, all the time,” you replied, wrapping your arm around her.

“Not enough,” Chaewon grumbled. “And you didn’t get me coffee.”

“Do you want me to get you coffee?”

“No, it’s fine,” she exhaled with a superfluous ‘hmph’. “Clearly you don’t want to, and I only want it if you want to get me coffee.”

“You’re so ridiculous,” you chuckled, giving Chaewon a playful pat on her hip. “I’ll get the coffee, be back in a minute.”

—

“Does this work?” Kazuha asked, opening the door to a conference room. “I don’t think anyone will bother us here.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” you answered, walking into the room and taking a seat at the table.

Kazuha walked around the table, sitting on the chair next to you. She waited a beat before deciding to stand back up and move the chair closer to you.

“I’m sorry for avoiding you.”

That was a lot more upfront than you expected.

“It’s okay,” you replied gently, placing a hand on her thigh. “I figured you just needed time, and that’s totally okay.”

“I did,” Kazuha agreed with a nod, staring at your hand. “Ever since that night, I’ve felt… differently towards you.”

“Understandable, it’s not a small thing to do,” you replied, encouraging her to continue.

Kazuha looked up from her lap into your eyes.

“I think I’m starting to have feelings for you.”

The silence was palpable. It almost felt like you could feel your heart in your throat. You were at a loss for words; This playful, silly girl who would constantly tease you, constantly mess with you, it was already so rare to see her soft side, but hearing this completely threw you for a loop.

“Zuha,” you started cautiously. “Please don’t take this as me dismissing your feelings, but I’m just saying sometimes these things can be complicated. We did just go through a big event together.”

“It’s not just the sex,” she replied quietly, her eyes starting to shine. “I’ve been feeling something towards you for a while.”

“I understand, but I’m in a committed relation-”

“I know,” Kazuha interjected. “And I would never try to ruin that for either of you.”

“I know you wouldn’t.”

“It’s just how… I feel…” she continued, pausing before adding more in a whisper. “I can’t help it.”

“Zuha, I do have a lot of love for you, but not in that way.”

“That doesn’t-” she stopped, getting choked up for a moment.

“Come here,” you whispered, standing up and pulling her into a hug. “It’ll be alright.”

Both of you held the embrace for probably a minute in silence. Kazuha let out a single sniffle before letting go of you, standing there in front of you. She looked so vulnerable, so delicate in this moment, it was difficult to come up with the next words.

“Zuha-”

The world barely escaped your lips before suddenly Kazuha leaned forward and kissed you. At first, you were in shock - but you didn’t pull back. The tenderness of her lips felt perfect in this moment, the softness of her kiss, the gentle way her hands grabbed your body. It went on for a few seconds before she pulled back, staring at you in anticipation for what would happen next.

What did end up happening next was something you really couldn’t explain. You wrapped your arms around her and started kissing her again. This time it was still just as tender and loving as before, but also significantly more passionate. Your noses brushed against each other’s faces, hands exploring each other’s bodies. Your lips remained glued together.

With your leg, you kicked the chair behind Kazuha away, still with your lips attached to hers. Slowly, you pressed forward harder until Kazuha was bending backwards; You pushed forward until she was laying on the massive conference table. Carefully, you leaned over her, kissing her soft lips repeatedly, squishing against her tenderness.

She began clawing at your back, feeling your body while your hands explored the sides of hers. Even through her thin shirt her perfectly sculpted body that she worked so hard for could be felt, and it felt amazing. The kiss kept going, her legs sort of wrapped around your hips and her hands moved up, cupping your face.

After what felt like an eternity, you leaned back, letting her fingers gently stroke your cheeks as you stood up in front of her. She looked up at you for a second, her hair spread on the table, before lifting herself up so that she was sitting on the table in front of you with her legs still spread around your body. You took a step back, giving her space to hop off the table.

She stared at you with an expressionless face. There was yet another pause, neither of you knew what to say. The two of you simply inhaled and exhaled, almost in unison. You could hear your heart beating in your chest, and in a way you almost felt like you could hear hers beating, too. It was Kazuha who decided to break the silence with a whisper.

“I’m going to go.”

Those were the last words spoken in the room before she scurried away. Nothing made sense right now. You simply stood there in the empty conference room, staring at the door that Kazuha had just exited through, not understanding fully what just happened.

---

A/N:

Did I just write a chapter WITHOUT A SEX SCENE? Wow, look at that, it's like the title of this one is partially about the story and partially about me. So yeah, I'm kinda more interested in writing some more stuff like this and pulling back a tiny bit on the sex. I've written plenty of raw smut scenes throughout my works, if anyone is really craving that they can just go reread or something. This does NOT mean that I'm never writing a sex scene in this story by the way.

Let me know what you guys think! The story is going to probably get much more spicy in the immediate future as I play with this love triangle (or is it a square?) dynamic. Who knows what I'll do (I do). If anyone is invested enough into this story to hit me with some predictions, do it up, I adore reading theories! Or any comments to be honest, I always welcome them.

[aashwarr]

fear of god: essentials shirt recolor by ashley plays

i was looking for more maxis match streetwear for cameron & was shocked to not see any for this brand! i decided to make a quick recolor to share with you all.

mesh is required (SaurusMashedPotatoTeeAM)

base game compatible

six swatches

masculine frame

teen to elder

tou: all i did was slap the essentials logo on @saurusness's mesh, so please follow their terms of use! just don't claim my version as your own!

available on patreon (free).

[crispy-armpit]

✧ 𝖒𝖞 𝖕𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖑 ✧

ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ꜱᴇᴀ ɢᴏᴅ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

𓇼˚₊‧꒰ა 🫧 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚𓇼

⭒ 𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺: 10 dollars on a dare leads you to break one superstition that changes your life forever. you begin to learn secrets tied to your family and upbringing, at the cost of your freedom. who is this mysterious Anshumat, and why does he want you?

⭒ 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵: 𝘨𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳, ��𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘶𝘳𝘺, violence, implied stalking, kidnapping, choking, reader gets called a bride once

⭒ 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 1,418

⭒ a/n: yan sea god was inspired by an Indonesian myth called Nyi Roro Kidul! it's a really interesting legend if you want to learn more abt it ^^ also.... man tits...... meow..

will you venture down this path?

growing up, you would stay over at your grandmother's house every summer. her beautiful seaside cottage made the perfect accommodation for a family getaway. throughout your childhood, the superstitious old woman restricted you from doing specific things. rules like never whistling at night, don't open an umbrella indoors, etc.

you'd eventually found out that these were just scare tactics for children to make them listen. but there was one rule that your grandmother seemed to fear the most, a rule that never made sense... never wear white to the local beach. and when questioning her about the rule, she'd tell you the same story every time.

"long ago...

a cruel serpent god who once ruled these waters would rise from the ocean and into the islands, devouring innocent villagers and destroying temples along its path.

the gods and humans were furious at its actions. fed up with the destruction and death, they prepared a plan to thwart the serpent; a binding curse.

the serpent was cursed to spend its days rotting in a hidden island, where it was accompanied by its servants. it was also tasked with granting blessings to sailors passing through the rocky tides, where it weighed the sins of each individual to seal their fates.

but over the decades... the serpent grew bored and lonely. through a loophole, the serpent found a way to abduct humans. you see.. the serpent loves the colour white and pearls. so much so, it would use its voice, so alluring, to lure the poor victims who happened to wear such things. and once in the water, the serpent would drag the human to its temple where they would become its slave.. or worse...

its spouse."

here you are today, telling the same tale in front of your young niece and nephew. "well, that's one way to get bitches." your nephew, Keona laughs. a scoffing Kehlani adds on, "nah, who would want to marry an overgrown slimy snake?"

"hey now, take that shit to grandma. she just assigned me to be your storyteller," you shrugged. "and this story has a real reasoning behind it, ok?"

"what? sexy sea snake destroying villages?"

"no, it's so that little rascals like you..." you drill both your index fingers onto their foreheads, "are easier to find if you ever get lost at sea."

how did i end up here...

facepalming yourself, you sigh. you were disappointed in yourself. how'd you let those little punks reel you in a dare? where was the self-respect? the dignity? seriously, breaking your grandmother's number 1 rule for what? 10 dollars?

you walk along the shore while wearing a flowy white shirt and neck encased in one of your mother's pearl necklaces. the dare was simple: successfully walk down the shoreline without chickening out and boom— an extra 10 dollars into your wallet.

you'd prove to the twins that you weren't scared of a little bedtime story. buuut just in case you did happen to go missing (for reasons that are totally not hungry sea serpent related), you brought essentials in a bag, left a letter for your family, and are currently being watched by the twins.

laughing at yourself for the paranoia, you nearly reach the edge of the walk until you hear a feminine wail from between the hidden rocks. is someone hurt? the sound was coming from beyond your finishing point so it wouldn't hurt to check, right?

signalling the twins to come over, you bend down to their heights, "listen, it sounds like someone's in trouble past those rocks. so I want you both to go grab the first aid kit and call Officer Holden over, 'kay?" they nod and scamper off into town.

approaching the rocks, you peek in to find a naked... mermaid?! observing her, you notice the torn skin on her iridescent tail and warily walk over to her. "uh... hey? hola? salve? hallo? i'm ah— good human! no... nooooo bad.."

you notice the air seems to smell... sweeter?

the woman looks up at you from the sand with pleading eyes, "please— please help me! my name is Coralie, my master, he—"

"woah, it's ok! you're safe, help is coming. uh, your master? did he do this to you? are you an underwater criminal?!"

a distant melodious voice interrupts you. Coralie's previously pained face now warps into a sinister grin as her wound disappears. she crawls towards you as your vision fogs up and your knees buckle to the soft sand. the song lulls you into a deep sleep, your body now being pulled into the shallow waters.

you awake to the bright rays of sunshine and lungs filling in with fresh air. but the next in your line of sight knocked all the air out of your body again.

the luminous, barely-clothed body of an unknown man sat above you. his 9'7 self relaxed on the marble throne, with 2 pairs of eyes fixated on you. what the fuck is that?

you gawk at him, "holy mother of god..."

i'm not dreaming, am i?

his gaze shifts into amusement, "wrong. we gods do not have mothers. we were created."

"you're a... a god?"

"is it not obvious enough from my appearance? would you like to see another version of me?" the towering deity begins to warp into a feminine body as if it was melting and moulding itself. "is this preferable?" her new voice is flirtatious, genuinely curious.

then, she tries to warp into a third body. the transformation looks more painful than the one prior, it barely shifts halfway into a gruesome beast before returning back to its first body. he huffs while grasping his golden collar, "this... is not my original form. I have been cursed, long ago, to never set foot on human lands. this island is both my kingdom and prison."

you shakily stand up the marble floor, now noticing Coralie standing beside the throne with a pair of legs. slowly processing his words, you piece together the clues from his story and your memories of the abduction. this couldn't be...

"you are.. you're the sea serpent god! I can't believe grandma was right— shit, shit shit—"

he smirks at your panic, "correct. I am Anshumat; shapeshifter deity of the raging tides, granter of safe travels—"

"murderer and enslaver." you complete.

Anshumat roars, "correct again! you're on a strike, dear y/n. though trust me, my servants are treated well."

"..how do you know my name?"

"oh you poor thing, granny never told you? I know everything about you— a name is barely anything."

"told me what?"

"she used to be my cupbearer. until she escaped with that bastard traitor. isn't that right, Coralie?"

she nods, "yes, master."

"please sir, let me leave. my family— they'll search for me! I have a cat at home! I haven't even finished my favourite show.. so please..." you try to list more life goals.

he chuckled, "oh you are so amusing. and why would I do that? we've barely just been engaged, dear."

"what do you mean engaged?"

"I've been watching you since you took your first breath on earth, y/n. so imagine my surprise— to see you wrapped up in my favourite colour, like a pretty bride. you're my sacrifice."

fear tingles your spine, "wait, that was just a dare! i didn't really mean it!"

"doesn't matter. you will be my pearl."

"no! I have a family, a partner—"

"i said... it doesn't fucking matter." he slams his fist against the throne arm, "and you'll be seeing the head of that twat soon enough."

you don't give him a glance before you're turning your back and run down the staircase of the grand temple. careful not to trip, you focus on the flight of stairs, painfully aware of the loud footsteps approaching behind you. it doesn't take a second for Anshumat to pull on the collar of your shirt and slam you onto the staircase.

he sits atop you, lower region heavily grinding against your stomach. "get off me! don't you have hundreds of other options?! why me?!" you scream.

his bedazzled skin blocks your view of the sun, furious eyes glowing under his shadow, and sharp teeth bared into a snarl. "you do not get to leave me again. you will stay, and worship me. this island will be our eternal paradise."

large hands pressing against your throat, you struggle before darkness begins to cloud your vision.

"this time, you will live."

[lethalchiralium]

Seasons Change ⋆⭒ Part One

Retired!Cowboy!John Price x F!Reader, “arranged” marriage AU - Series Masterlist

summary: You’ve responded to the ad, traveling for days to a secluded farm in Montana to marry a man who would free you from the loneliness that infested your life back home - at the cost of your freedom. Or so you think.

Are you truly sure about this?

Your coach wasn’t extravagant by any means, wood splintered off of its wall and the cushions almost as old as you. You were sure that if you placed your Mama’s suitcase onto the floor, it would fall through. Your nicest shoes were on your feet, tied tightly and uncomfortable as they ghosted the top of the rotting wood floorboards.

Your hands were settled in a pair of your finest gloves, which shielded away the nicks you got from farming at your parent’s small ranch; lima beans, beets, sugar peas, radishes and tomatoes. The ground was tough in Illinois, trying to learn how to farm behind your mother’s back was essential - for you to be able to have freedom when you leave for the West, you had to have a source of income. Unless, God gives you a little ad from Montana on a Sunday afternoon.

Your nails hurt every time you scraped off the top soil from your radishes, the hot sun boiled your back through your stifling dress. You wiped your forehead with the back of your hand before you pulled out the last one, a sore hand wiped away dirt to show a deep violet color. There was a smirk on your face, the vegetable settled in your small basket. Your Pa was to be back by noon, taking his horse to town for some supplies and a new sewing kit for Mama. Her time was spent inside, usually under the watchful eye of a needle and feeder as her brand new sewing machine droned on. Pa spent the better part of the money from last year’s harvest for that, she took it with a soft smile.

Mama’s clothes were good, she can sew four shirts by noon and sell them by two o’clock, her blankets still have a waitlist from last winter. You were lucky to have her sew you a new dress with how busy she’s gotten - it’s good for you, it means you can learn how to tend a farm from Pa. Independent living always intrigued you, wanting to live off the land in a quiet house with a shepherd dog. People weren’t interesting enough for you - you got that from Mama - but romance was. Wanting to be loved without the hassle of courting was a dream of yours, but it wasn’t feasible. No good man would want a woman with cuts on her hands, your Mama always said, a lady doing a man’s work insults God. That and you didn’t go to town much, never going without your Pa for fear of being harassed by men like you had been before. You were always escorted through town by your Pa, he always had a smile and a swift draw with his revolver.

You twisted a tomato from the vine, a decent size yet still not big enough - it seemed the soil was beginning to lose its strength of growing your crops bigger than the palm of your hand. Every year they kept growing smaller, every year it seemed that Mama’s sewing hobby was looking more profitable than the cornfields Pa tended to alone. Even your contribution of an array of vegetables wouldn’t bring four dollars to the table; when it used to bring seven.

There were footsteps along the side of the house, heavy and with a gentle huff as he walked on the solid Earth. It wasn’t hard to recognize your Pa by sound, your hands kept twisting off undersized tomatoes as he approached from the side.

“I’ve got something for you, Sugar Pea.”

You shook your head. “If it’s one of those Seed boys’ letters, I don’t want it.”

“It’s somethin’ you oughta consider.”

The trail began to grow bumpy, your hands held onto your small suitcase as you gazed out the window. The fields expanded as far as your eye could see, mountains clustered in the distance made you excited. You had never seen mountains before - Illinois was flatter than most states. It had taken you a day by coach then three days by train from busy Chicago to reach the calm Montana landscape, excitement bubbled in your skin. This is where you would be living the rest of your life, you hoped. You prayed this ad your father had given you wasn’t a trick for the man you had been corresponding with for the past two months.

The coach was stuffy, you already tried to open the windows in the doors but they were sealed shut, your hand waved your fan to try and keep cool in the brand new dress you sewed just for this occasion.

“No daughter of mine is leaving to go to Montana by herself!”

“Ellen, she wants to go! I won’t stop her.”

“And how did she get this ad? She certainly doesn’t have the penny to pay the damn clerk for the newspaper.”

“If she wants to go to Montana to marry a farmhand, let her. None of these boys here are worth the scum on my shoe.”

You laid in your bed, you watched as your curtain billowed from the night time breeze - moonlight dancing along with the thin fabric as the only sound you heard was your parents arguing.

“What if we need her? What if the soil runs dry?”

“I’ll learn to sew.”

“It’s a woman’s job.”

“It’s also her job to be married by now. She’s 20 for God’s sake, Ellen, she needs to have her own freedom.”

“And it’s a world’s away from us?”

Your fingers tapped your nightgown, tears running down the side of your face. You hated that you would be so far from them, but this was your chance. Romance without courting, hopefully. You were naive enough to not understand that romance is nothing without courting.

“She’s not a child anymore. She just wants to be wed.”

“And not have her husband love her?! Courting is how she should be doing it, that Joseph is a fine boy-“

“Not again with that preacher’s son-“

“-that would treat her right!”

“She doesn’t want to be here! She just wants to be wed and to be left alone, this man promised us a cash amount if she replies. All she would need to do is wed him, give him a child-“

“Gerald-“

“-then shoot him if she likes, just like I taught ‘er.”

Pa’s silver revolver was smothered by an old scarf in the deepest part of your suitcase, just in case this man in the ad turned out to have lied about his identity. A 35 year old man in need of a wife to start a family with. Payment to family if wed. You had written to him four times during the winter, spring had come in full bloom to welcome you to your new home. He had promised a warm house and a dog in his lengthy letters, detailing where he lived and where his family came from. Said he was a farmhand, tending to horses and a farm he partially owned. You didn’t have much to say back, only that you lived on flat farm land your whole life, you know how to garden, cook, and sew. And to your surprise, he found that knowing how to garden was great. You always had the idea that men hated women doing any of the dirty work, but that always came from Mama’s mouth. He wrote in detail that he found your hobbies interesting and would be more than happy to let them continue, if you agreed to marry him.

“You’re set on meeting this man. Are ya sure you want to go?”

“I am.”

“Get up. Pack quickly before your Mama hears ya.”

“Pa-“

“Hurry. The train leaves soon and the carriage can only go so fast.”

And here you were, in a coach this mysterious John Price had rented to bring you from the center of Missoula to his farm an hour away. You had enough money to get you to him, but he insisted on paying the train ticket and for you to be promptly delivered to him. Perhaps you should have considered if he was truly lying and was a one-eyed bald man named Bob. That or it was that crazy preacher’s son trying to get you to marry him again. You silently prayed that this seemingly sweet man you had been writing to all winter was actually kind and respectful.

The coach stopped abruptly, it jerked you forwards and forced you to press your shoes into the withered floorboards - yet nothing happened; you were surprised. Your gaze fell to the window, gazing out to see beautiful fields and dozens of trees. Even in the early spring with the remaining spray of snow on the ground, it was gorgeous. You could hear talking, the horse neighed at the front and all you could do was gaze out the window to the massive farm.

There was talking, a deep voice who initiated the conversation with the coach driver - your heart rose into your throat. Was this where you were going to live the rest of your life? Sprawling countryside with whinnying horses, barking dogs, lush trees and dark mountains as far as the eye could see? If it was, you were content - it was better than the flat farmland you lived on your entire life. You spotted a dark brown horse, coming into your view - a nice saddle sat on its back, deep brown hair combed and black spots dotted its belly. You would have spent the next hour admiring the gorgeous horse if it wasn’t for the coach door opening. Your eyes settled on the man who held open the door, covered by a long brown coat and brown shirt. He then held his hand out, you handed him your suitcase.

The man held out his free hand to you with a smile, eyes blue like a stormy sky. It shocked you just how gentle his gaze was, every man who ever looked at you always seemed like they would rip you apart at the seams.

Not this one.

He set your suitcase down, still holding your hand in his calloused one.

Oh. He is pretty.

Dark brown beard with mutton chops somewhat kept neat, teeth a light yellow - better than most men you’ve seen.

“What if he’s mean, Papa?”

“Then you leave.”

“If I can’t?”

“Shoot him in the head. You know how.”

His hold was gentle, better than any man who had grabbed at you when you were a teenager. Disgusting men laying hands on a young girl in the streets, but scrambling back like cats when Pa snapped at them.

“You’re prettier than what I imagined.”

Your jaw almost went slack with shock - he was British? He never disclaimed that to you in his letters, but his subtle drawl of his accent made your stomach quiver. Your lips pulled a smile.

“You have a beautiful voice.”

“She speaks.” He chuckled a little. “Thank you, Miss.”

The coachman closed the door behind you, John then began to lead you towards the horse you were admiring earlier - now noticing the cart attached to it. It wasn’t anything fancy, just something to pull heavy items around. Your trunk already sat on it, he led you towards the seats.

You gazed at his face, the jawline that faded into his neat beard - the way his brown hair seemed to glitter in the sunshine. He was perfect - like the daydreams you had for years.

“It’s a small ride to the house,” John turned to you, holding up your hand to help you into the seat. You stepped up onto the cart, settling down and letting go of his gentle hand so he could set your suitcase beside your trunk. You looked down at your powder blue dress, one you spent all winter making by hand - Mama wasn’t fond of you using her machine. You were proud of this dress, even if it was meant to wear for one day, you’d always be so proud of how nicely it came together, how your first meeting with the man you were to spend the rest of your life with was perfect. Being optimistic is a good trait, Papa always said.

You spent your time watching the landscape as if it moved with you, the short journey felt centuries long as your heart beat faster than a race horse. Life here would certainly be harder than home, seeing that neither of your parents allowed you to help them most days - you were left on your own. Always alone, always doing what was needed without overstepping. This was a whole new challenge; learning where to push and where to pull boundaries with one John Price.

“Have you eaten?”

You glanced to John, noting his one hand on the reigns and the other resting on his leg. Your eyes flickered up to his face, his eyes kept on the trail in front of the horse.

“I have not.”

“I will make you dinner when we arrive. Won’t be long.”

You nodded to yourself, your own hands settling in your lap, squeezing tightly together. You gazed down at your hands, the blue of your dress meant to calm you. What you missed was a soft smile from your betrothed, his gaze memorizing your face for a few seconds before looking ahead.

This is a good choice. New scenery. New people. Far, far away from that damned pastor’s son and Mama’s snide remarks.

I have faith in John. But I hold no trust yet.

Use the gun if you’re ever scared.

Dinner was quiet. He was a good cook, much better than what you were used to and you were secretly delighted. Just a simple pork and potato dinner was better than the porridge your mother barely made edible. You stood like an awkward stranger in the small living room of the one bedroom home, unsure of what to do as John had not asked anything of you yet after dinner. In fact, he was silent the moment you stepped foot into his home.

Were you doing this wrong? What had you done to make him suddenly grow quiet?

There was a dusty couch, a dirt covered rug and a barely used fireplace in the room, your hands clasped together as a way to ease your nerves. He hasn’t opened the door to the bedroom yet, that was the most nerve wracking part. You haven’t shared a bed with a man, not since you were a toddler in your Mama’s bed. It was a terrifying prospect - especially to a quiet and reserved lady, having been chased by many men back home.

At least you won’t have to worry about those leeches anymore. You have a… husband now. You will be a wife. He can protect you. Right?

“I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

You jumped a little, turning to look at John as he stood a few feet away - hands settled in his pockets. The awkwardness clung to your clothes, worry brewing deep in your belly. Does he not like you now?

John settled back on his heels, to your eye he seemed calm - what you couldn’t see was the tensing of his muscles, trying to not be as nervous as you were. The way he forced his jaw open to speak wouldn’t be noticed by you either. “I wanted to uh… thank you. For agreeing.”

You curtly nodded, you fought the urge to pick at your nail beds - a nervous habit. Silence befell the room again, your gaze didn’t disconnect from John for more than a few moments, where he held his hand towards the closed door - what you assumed was the bedroom. Your stomach dropped unexpectedly, your blood grew cold and you could only watch him with a nervous glare. He gazed back at you for just a moment before he spoke to himself, seeming to chastise his previous gesture, before he opened the door. He nodded towards it again.

“I’ll bring your chest in if you want to have a look around.”

Your legs felt like they could give way at any moment, but you still walked silently towards the room - John moved out of your way, making sure there was no chance to accidentally touch you. Acting as if you were made of thin porcelain, one wrong move and you would shatter on the floor. He turned away as soon as you passed, you didn’t miss the near-silent wince he made as soon as he started walking. You looked to him, a fleeting moment, just to memorize his figure before ducking into the quaint bedroom.

A large bed was pushed into the corner, only able to crawl onto the bed on one side. A fireplace across from there, connected to the one in the living room. The floor was bare hardwood, your shoes most likely shielded you from miniature splinters. There was a mirror in the corner, reflecting the entire room from where you stood. Only a few pictures adorned cleaned spaces, photographs of places that you’ve never seen before. A bay, with ships sailing in and out. One with snow covered trees. Another with a decrepit looking house.

You were quick to change. Your eyes watched John through the mirror, his back completely to you. You threw off your nice dress as soon as you untied it - not without a little struggle - before you pulled on a long nightgown, sleeves down to your wrists and hem grazing the top of your feet. You pulled the pins from your hair,

You pulled your quilt from your trunk, your hands gripped it tightly as you turned to face your… fiancé. His back was to you, showing many light pink scars. Some were the size of your pinky, others the size of your palm. If you were brave, you would walk up to him and trace the edges of them - but you weren’t. You waited for John to finish the bed, nerves swirled in your belly. You hadn’t shared a bed with someone since your Mama stopped letting you in hers when you were six. You’re a lady, she said, ladies don’t sleep in beds with men if they’re not wed.

“We’re not married yet.” Your voice was soft, John’s hands halted as they set a pillow on the far side of the bed.

“We are not.”

“We can’t sleep in the same bed.”

The man chuckled a little before he took the pillow closest to him, tossing it onto the floor beside the bed. “I forgot you wrote about that.”

Your grip tightened on the quilt. “About what?”

He yanked off the blanket from the bed, leaving the brown sheets before he dropped the blanket onto the floor next to the pillow. He turned around, it was hard not to try and gaze at his bare chest but you still kept his gaze. “Not sleeping beside each other until we were married. I meant to make my sleeping arrangements earlier but a man’s work is never done.” He shrugged, his smile softened as he nodded towards the bed. “Go on.”

You stood there for a moment, contemplating if you should sleep in his bed when he was to work the farm in the morning, but he held out his hand, the smile never fading.

“You’ll sleep alone just for the week, love.” He nodded again towards the bed. “I promise I’ll be fine on the floor.”

You silently made your way to the bed, hoisting yourself onto it before you spread your quilt over your body and the bed. It was cold, comfortable but not inviting. You supposed it wouldn’t be - you had been in this house for less than a day and the only thing comforting you was your belongings from home.

Home, you chuckled in your head. I suppose home is here now.

John fluffed his pillow on the floor, you didn’t hear an ounce of complaint as he pulled the worn blanket over himself. Your fingers traced the stitching of Mama’s sewing machine, your quilt sheltered you from the scratchy sheets on John’s bed. You could hear your mother droning on about marrying a farmhand, that you needed to go for someone with more money like a politician or a Christian - you didn’t like any man she chose, you shook your thoughts of that away. The first man you had chosen for yourself was far better than any lowlife scoundrel your Mama could find, and she would find ones that couldn’t have kindness anywhere near their greedy hides.

You slightly jumped when John spoke your name.

“Yes, John?”

He cleared his throat. “We’ll marry by the end of the week. I’ll sleep on the floor ‘til you decide you want me up there.”

“Okay.”

The stitching reminded you of home, of your cozy room with as many blankets as your Mama could make. It reminded you of quiet nights sitting with Pa on the porch, letting your mother stew inside after she made a comment that made Pa defend you. It reminded you of being little and standing outside Mama’s sewing room, hands holding your stuffed toy while you watched her sew by hand - one footstep into her room was ten minutes worth of scolding.

As you closed your eyes, you pressed your hands into your sternum. John was to be your husband, which meant children sooner or later. You promised yourself you would never scold your children for wanting to love you.

You hoped John would hold the same value.

[hanmaitani]

Moving

PAIRING - Sakusa Kiyoomi x Reader WC - 1.1K GENRE - fluff CW - mentions of drinking, mentions of spiders SYNOPSIS - when kiyoomi comes home after drinking with the team, he's not sure if his roommate had gone crazy...

“Get on the table, Kiyoo!” That was the first thing that Kiyoomi heard when he stepped into his shared apartment. That, immediately followed by a tug on his shirt as you tugged at him to join you on the higher surface.

“What?” He cinched his eyebrows together as he looked at you thoroughly confused. “Why would I-”

"Don’t argue. Just do it." You cut him off and tugged more. He groaned and tilted his head back before clambering up to crouch on the table with you.

“Can you tell-” He glared as you cut him off with a soft ‘shh’ and a finger to your lips. His soft eye roll didn’t stop him from complying, however; lowering his voice to a whisper. “Y/n,” you hummed softly in acknowledgement, “why are we on the coffee table right now.”

“Listen carefully Kiyoomi.” You whispered, giving him a deadly serious look. "Whatever you do, don’t make a sound." Kiyoomi stared at you, lips parting in confusion and eyes widening, a look that clearly conveyed he thought you’d hit your head. “It can hear you Kiyoomi. They sense your fear!”

He sighed but decided to play along with what he was sure was your game of the night. “What can sense your fear? What are you scared of?”

“Okay, here’s the plan.” You muttered, ignoring him and waving your hands. Kiyoomi was sure that you had lost it while he was gone for the day. He’d have to have you committed and find a new roommate. But he couldn’t help the small smile on his lips as you whispered adamantly, ready to spell out a whole escape plan. “So, I think we’re safe here right now, but if it senses us it’ll follow us out here.”

“What is going to follow us?”

“Hush, Kiyoo, lemme finish!” You whined lightly as you eyed the entrance to the kitchen across the room. “Okay so, once we get down, we run.” You nodded and Kiyoomi caught himself watching the way your head bobbed gently, eyes determined with a small sparkle. He chuckled lightly as he watched you. “You gotta pack your things.” His attention snapped back to your words and he tilted his head in confusion. “But only the essentials! No time!” You exclaimed quietly, turning your gaze back to him for confirmation that he heard you.

“Slow down.” Kiyoomi requested, shaking his head lightly as he tried to keep up. “What are we doing?”

“We’re moving out.” You looked at him seriously. He shook his head as if that would help him hear better, blinking at you slowly. “Kiyoomi, there’s a spider in the kitchen, we’re leaving."

You looked so serious about it but Kiyoomi couldn’t help but let out a laugh at the absurdness of it all. “Kiyoo!” You drew out his name in disbelief.

“I’m sorry.” He laughed again, and tucked his head low, trying to stifle his laughter. “I thought there was something really wrong.”

“Kiyoo, it was huge! We can’t live here anymore!” You exclaimed as Kiyoomi’s laugh echoed and got a little louder.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He chuckled as he looked back up at you, his eyes sparkling as he bit his lip, laugh bubbling out of him again. You whined his name again and he laughed. “God, I’m sorry I love you.” He froze as soon as the words left his mouth, his eyes widening as he realized what he’d just said. “Fuck.” He breathed out.

“I’m sorry, what?” You stared at him in shock, blinking at him in disbelief.

“Oh wow.” Kiyoomi, sat down on top of the table, shaking his head lightly. "I think I may be slightly more drunk than I thought." It was then that you remembered that the reason he’d come home late was because the team had convinced him to go out. Then, that you noticed his cheeks were a little pinker that usual, curls a little messier as he sat there, breathing a little uneven.

“Kiyoomi, did you-” You swallowed as you sat, suddenly forgetting about the spider predicament in the other room. You cleared your throat as you looked at him and he looked back up at you, smile softly on his lips.

“Well, cat’s out of the bag I suppose.” He chuckled lightly as he stared at you. He took a deep breath and twitched his nose a bit. “I love you.” He let out a soft snort right then too. “I’m glad I’m drunk.”

“Kiyoo-”

"Listen,” he mumbled, shaking his head again, “I didn’t tell you that I love you because I wanted to hear it back.” He quirked a smile as he watched your face contort, trying to process the information being thrown at you. “I don’t need to hear it back. I told you because I needed you to know."

“Kiyoo-”

“I know that-”

“Kiyoo, shut up!” You exclaimed, tired of being cut off by the man. He looked softer like this, when his guard wasn’t up and he wasn’t glaring at something. Vulnerable, baring his feelings to you, in a way that was totally him. Blunt and to the point, not at all dancing around the truth. You decided to pay him the same courtesy. “Kiyoomi, I love you too, you dumbass.”

“You do?” It was his turn to look at you shocked now, eyes wide. It was like he was frozen in place, brain trying to catch up to the words his ears heard. He chuckled as he leaned forward slightly, small smile on his lips as he finally processed the words. “You do.”

You nodded lightly, trying to bite back the laughter that bubbled in your chest. “So.” You drew out the word with a puff of air out your nose. "Is this the moment that we kiss?"

“Yeah.” Kiyoomi smiled as he leaned towards you. His arm quickly wrapped around your waist as he drew you closer to him. You easily fell on top of him with a laugh that was quickly silence by his lips on yours.

“Hey Kiyoo,” you mumbled as you pulled away from him slightly. He hummed in acknowledgement, lips trying to chase yours down again. “We still have to move because of the spider.”

Kiyoomi let out a loud laugh as shook his head at you, bright smile on his lips. “Shut up.” He chuckled as he pressed his lips against yours again.

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