#fear based decisions

[compheted]

Today I meditated on letting go of feelings of disempowerment and while I did I realised I am making fear based decisions with regards to my relationship with my husband. I am scared of what will happen when I leave him. I am scared about the effect it will have on my children. I am scared about the effect it will have on my relationship with them. I am scared about how I will make money and live. I am scared where I will live. I am so afraid of so many things. But we shouldn’t make decisions out of fear but out of love

[shamballalin]

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[thedanceronthestreets]

People begging for reasons why bucktommy won't work out and consequently getting so sidetracked by their own unfounded dislike for the character that they fail to see actual reasons buck and tommy might face hardship:

1. obvious reason i find is tommy's jealousy coupled with buck's flirty nature. I've talked about this before at length but i can absolutely see tim use this as a way to create drama (hoping that they both grow and learn from it rather than the relationship blowing up in their face!)

2., and at this point this is purely a headcanon, i can see them disagreeing on the topic of children. The show has explicitly mentioned multiple times that buck loves children and sees having children as an integral part of the plan for his own life. With tommy (at this point), i'm not so sure. All of the lore we currently have surrounding his background is that he has major family issues and i can see that reflecting on his decision not to want children. The classic "i'm consciously choosing not to place another kid in the fucked up world i had to grow up in" argument. You can't mess up a kid you never had right? Obviously this is a fear driven argument which through personal development could mean tommy could be swayed on the subject. But again, since 911 is a drama show with emergency and interpersonal drama, i can see this being an easy way how the two could clash

[4ddi3addie2005]

Hello infinitely wise followers. Today I will be dropping my major in art to ONLY pursue creative writing because it’s stretching me thin to get by in Two Things when I could be really good in One Thing. I now only have one major. And many experiences.

[blackjackkent]

All right, no more putting it off. Time for Mizora's visit.

Somewhat amusingly, the scene starts out with Wyll and Rakha just sort of standing awkwardly near each other and Wyll has the goofiest smile on his face which is not really apropos to the situation, but it's still kind of cute to think that maybe he just looks like that sometimes when he looks at her, even in bad situations:

(Rakha, of course, is completely distracted from the cute smile and looks preoccupied as hell, which is apropos.)

Whatever Wyll might have in mind to say at this moment, however, is interrupted by the sudden opening of a hell-portal, for the second time, in the middle of their camp:

Mizora does not waste time in greetings, but lifts a hand flaring with hellfire in her palm.

"Sorores surge. Testis esto pacti mei!" she cries.

More portals burst open around the camp, disgorging forth a handful of other devils - women in silk dresses with wide, leathery wings and bright, glowing eyes.

"Come, sisters!" Mizora cries. "Be my testament! Notum sit in Baator!"

Around the camp, echoes of the words roll back from the mouths of the assembled devils. Mizora smiles in satisfaction.

"Holy hells," Wyll whispers unsteadily.

Every muscle in Rakha's body is drawn tight, every sense on alert. She feels acutely aware of the number of strangers in the camp at present, their malicious intent, and Mizora at their head. The beast in her head growls like a beaten dog backed into a corner; it wants to rip and rend and tear at these interlopers into their territory, and at Mizora most of all, who has called that frightened and weary look into Wyll's face.

But she holds herself back with every ounce of control she possesses, because to attack Mizora would be to doom Wyll. The pact is not yet broken. When it is... when Wyll is finally free... she and Mizora will have a final reckoning, and it will not go well for the devil. But until then... she waits, and watches Wyll out of the corner of her eye, ready to act as he sees fit.

"Just what are you up to?" she asks, very carefully, as if afraid to jar herself loose from her own control.

"I come to bargain," Mizora says with a casual smirk. "The Hells demand witness."

"Enough, Mizora," Wyll snaps. "Where is my father? How do I save him?"

Mizora's smirk deepens, utterly untroubled by Wyll's anger. "How else?" she purrs. "We bargain. Sisters...?"

She gestures with one hand, and the summoned devils begin to intone a chant in Infernal. In her other hand, Rakha watches the Weave give a shuddering jerk as if ripped apart by gripping hands, and from within the wound in the fabric comes forth an enormous piece of parchment inscribed with glowing letters.

She can see the magic dancing on its surface, over every word. It doesn't take much effort for her to guess what this is, even before Mizora explains it.

"Your contract, Wyll," the cambion says, mocking laughter in each word. "Signed in blood, forged in fire, bound in bone - but not unbreakable."

Then break it! Rakha wants to scream, to demand, to rip Wyll away from Mizora's control for good. She can already guess where this conversation is heading, and the dark certainty of it makes her tremble with rage.

But she says nothing. She waits. She waits... and the hammer falls.

"But no contract is ended without sacrifice, Wyll. The cost must be paid."

Fire bursts up around her, around all the devils in the camp, sending weird flickering shadows across the scene, lighting Mizora's face ominously from below. She raises her hands and her voice booms out across them, raising the hair on the back of Rakha's neck.

"WYLL RAVENGARD!" she booms. "A choice is before you! Option one - I show you the way to your father. I guarantee him no harm except that from you and your allies. And you pledge your soul to me and the archdevil Zariel in a pact eternal. Option two - I break your pact, and you are freed from your duty. Your father dies by his enemy's hand, and Baldur's Gate loses its greatest champion."

She smiles; her eyes glow like burning coals in the hellfire light. "Name your sacrifice!"

"Bloody Zariel!" Rakha hears Karlach shout from beyond the fire. "I won't let her take Wyll!"

"SILENCE, KARLACH!" Mizora barks.

Wyll's shoulders have hunched up as if defending him from a physical blow. "Mizora, you arsehole--" he growls.

"CHOOSE!" she snaps, and laughs.

Rakha's blood runs cold. I knew it, she thinks bitterly.

Kill her... growls the beast. Take the choice away and punish her for giving it. Rip out her guts and see what a devil looks like from the inside...

But she can't. She can't... because that would destroy Wyll... and yet the choice is impossible.

(A/N: I'm still salty as hell that you can't let Wyll make this choice on his own. It's the only companion decision that you can't leave to the companion themselves. I think, however, we can safely guess what his choice would be, if the option were given.)

Well, not impossible. Were it Rakha's choice alone, she would break the pact without hesitation. Wyll needs to be free. What did Ravengard do for him besides turn him out into the cold when Wyll needed him most? Wyll has trusted and loved Rakha in spite of the monster inside of her, but Ravengard did not have the strength to do the same. He does not deserve Rakha's pity, and Wyll deserves far better than either of them.

Besides... she is all too familiar with being trapped in the service of a power inside her head that she doesn't control. Hers is baked into her very blood and flesh, but Wyll, at least, has the possibility of freeing himself from his.

"The half-life of a mind-addled slave is worse than death," Astarion said, when she told him of Bhaal's taint in her blood. And she knows he was right.

The trouble is, of course, that Wyll will not see it this way. She knows all too well that he sees his father as a hero, a man to be emulated in all things. He will want to sacrifice everything to save his father, even if his father would not do the same for him.

It isn't fair! she thinks, petulant, angry, as if her rage could somehow change the truth of the situation.

There is one final thought, though, that seals things for her beyond anything else. You pledge your soul to me, Mizora said, and to the Archdevil Zariel in a pact eternal. That could mean anything - but there is the possibility that it means that once Ravengard is free, Mizora will take Wyll to the Hells. And he would be gone from her, and she would never see him again, and she would be alone with her own father's voice keening for blood in her head.

And she is not sure, without Wyll, if she can resist it.

"Break the pact, Wyll," she mutters. Shame floods her, knowing that it is selfish fear as much as love or hope that drives the words. "You deserve your freedom."

Wyll flinches, his expression twisting with agonizing pain. "You damned wretch," he snarls-- and perhaps he means Mizora, but perhaps he means Rakha, too, and the possibility stabs deep into her heart. But the words are spoken, and they can't be taken back.

His shoulders slump and his eyes close. "Do it," he mutters. "Break the pact."

Mizora tips her head to the side, visibly surprised, but her brutal smile doesn't shift. "Fiat ita," she intones, echoed by the devils surrounding them.

The Weave swirls around them in a burst of ripping, tearing energy, sloughing around Wyll's body, snapping the bonds tying him to Mizora by his hands, his eyes, his hips. The glowing contract flares up in a burst of fire, burning away into nothingness and leaving behind a singed mark in the magical fabric.

One by one, the witness devils disappear back through the portals that brought them, until only Mizora stands before them, still wreathed in the fading fire.

"Didn't think you had it in you," she says brightly, dusting her hands off with a conversational attitude, deliberately ignoring the anguish on Wyll's face as he sinks to his knees. "Seems my boy's all grown up."

She steps forward, close enough to give him a smart tap on the shoulder. "And don't go fussing about your father," she says coolly. "You made your choice; you knew the terms."

Drawing herself up to her full height, she meets Rakha's eyes and smirks. She's certainly fully aware of the fury in the half-orc's eyes - but it doesn't concern her any more than Wyll's agony does. "You know what..." she says, with mock-thoughtfulness, tapping a fingertip against her jaw. "I think I'll stick around." She snickers. "Not for the greater good, you understand... just for the entertainment."

-----

The flames fade. Mizora turns and walks away, her wings folding around her as she moves to a position at the edge of camp, casually settling herself against a tree. She catches a baleful glance from Aylin as she passes the aasimar, and grins, waggling her fingers in a playful wave.

Rakha sags, weary and angry, her eyes narrowed. She waits for Wyll to say something, anything... but he doesn't speak. He just sits on his knees in the dirt for a long, long time, then climbs to his feet and slowly trudges away towards his tent.

[martyrbat]

[ID: an uncoloured drawing for a panel next to the publicized version. They're both from the comic Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #194. In them, Batman is shown from the waist up. He's looking at Jim Gordon, who's off panel, with a penitent expression after being accused of something he secretly did do. He has his palm pressed against his chest and is blocking the bat emblem as his other hand is clasped ontop of it. In the initial drawing, there's a halo floating above his head as well as several tiny hearts mixed in with the lights that surround him. In the publicized panel, the hearts and halo has been removed and two speech bubbles have been added. He's in front of a terra rose background and is starting to say, “Jim, I don't even know what you're...” But Jim cuts him off, saying, “Stop it. I'm tired of this.”

The third photo is a description of the drawing from the artist's (Seth Fisher) website. It reads: This is another page that the DC editors changed: no halos or hearts around Batman, no matter how (disingenuously) contrite he is. In the final edition, the halo and heart in the center bottom frame have been excised.]

[dreamertrilogys]

i retyped this post 5 times couldn’t decide if i wanted to say “i need to get into smoking” or “i need to NOT get into smoking”. Hm

[avelera]

I went back to my first truly harrowingly Evil Dark Urge playthrough to grab some screenshots and... got sucked back into playing lol. But the thing is, the most evilest ending has no epilogue and the "reject Bhaal at the last minute instead of at the temple" epilogue is ALSO fascinating and gut-wrenching and harrowing but what I really missed from both runs was getting to see the fruits of her egging everyone on to be their worst possible self, so...

I went back and decided to play it a little differently. I gave Aylin to Ketheric the first time (and then to Larroakan when we defeated him but she was seriously side-eying my evil Durge after, rightfully so, and Durge couldn't leave a powerful threat like that lying around obvs), which sadly loses you Shadowheart so this time I'm going with Dark Justiciar Shadowheart.

I was a little stumped on the RP for it at first, because Zenobia (my Dark Urge) was all about, "Jumping right back into the Dead Three plot from the moment she got even a smidge of memory back," which lent to her siding with Ketheric loyally and basically working with the bad guys at almost every opportunity (except for the very beginning where she was wrong-footed and out of her element so she built up allies by helping the tieflings while she got the lay of the land. She's a big believer in long-term pay off over short-term murderizing. Also, the sadistic pay-off for betrayal is so much greater than that of simply attacking right away.)

But then I decided... heck, let's groundhog day it. Let's go with the time loop or foreknowledge plot, everything I know, my Durge knows now.

Say she had a vision, or was reborn to this moment. She saw all the variations of what's to come. Saw what happens if she sides with her father. Sees what happens if she betrays him at the last moment to destroy the brain, which was a humiliation piled upon humiliation despite her long and faithful years of service.

And she is pissed.

It's starts when she gets chewed out for giving Isobel to Ketheric. She knows she's going to kill the priestess later but for now, this is a valuable tool in showing her trustworthiness to Ketheric, and Bhaal is mad at her?? Because she decided to delay her gratification in pursuit of the larger goal?? And then, then, Bhaal has the audacity to force her to try to kill her friend and former lover, Astarion, as punishment for using her intelligence to pursue the larger goal of the Dead Three plot with some level of cunning and forethought?

She was fucking outraged. Here she's been Bhaal's faithful child, chosen, general, and mortal mastermind for years and her father can't even trust her enough to allow her to exercise the bare minimum of strategy?

And from there, as I see it, Zenobia sees more and more instances of Bhaal just not fucking trusting her with carrying out this plot, which she knows in another lifetime she pulled of spectacularly, but which offered an empty, hollow victory of handing dancing puppets over to Bhaal, ruling in his name instead of her own.

And then, then while confronting Ketheric, Ketheric admits he always planned to betray his allies.

Oh she is seeing red now. Granted, all the Dead Three chosen were planning to betray each other, that's probably a given, except... Gortash wasn't. Gortash was faithful to the end if she was faithful to him. Minthara is faithful to the end. Her companions were.

So it's less that her new chance at life is making her "good" and more that it's showing her the valuable allies she tossed away, the more interesting world she could reside in, in favor of creating a world of mindless murder targets for her equally mindless, idiot father Bhaal. What an imbecile. What an insult that he doesn't give her the barest modicum of trust. What an insult that Ketheric bald-faced tells her that he would throw all of this aside for his own ends, because he's following his own idiot god.

Zenobia is seeing absolute red. Her plan still remains. She will help Gale ascend to godhood and leave the last of his soft-hearted scruples behind. She will help her former lover and friend, perhaps her first true friend, Astarion destroy his master and rise to become a powerful ally. She will deny her lover Minthara the easy win of a kingdom of thralls in favor of the more challenging but satisfying bloody return to the Underdark together. She will aid Shadowheart in becoming a Dark Justiciar. She will tear down each of Lae'zel's gods one by one, from helping to reveal Vlaakith's faithlessness to showing her even Orpheus can become what he despises most, a mindflayer. But now it is not to show them the supremacy of Bhaal but to show them they should cast down all gods. And this time, she will not hold herself separate, no, she will cast Bhaal from her life as well to pursue her own bloody ambitions in a world of true adversaries, not one populated by mindless thralls as he directed her but did not trust her to execute according to her own vision.

[lemongogo]

vash w this hairstyle is literally so cute.. .. wolfwood matchies or smt T__T

[void-thegod]

How long do you put up with stupid bullshit?

Give the benefit of the doubt?

Try to be understanding of other people's fights?

...

Until you can't anymore?

Until you're sick and tired of it?

Until you've grown bitter and resentful?

...

The type of person I want to be

The type of person I am

The type of person I'm growing to become

They're all just a little different.

But I want to change that.

To harmonize and crystallize and distill my existence down to something

More like a blue fire

A bright light

A laser that can cut through anything

...

I think I can do that, finally.

Now that there isn't so much noise.

Now that I'm away from people and environments that aren't for me

Or are otherwise harmful

...

...

...

Even if I'm not "me" anymore

Even if I'm not who I thought I would be

This Self is much more expansive, divine, and strong

Than anything I could've imagined myself possible of

...

And maybe that is why

And how

I've been called towards spirituality and towards a new way of being and living

For as long as I can remember I haven't been of this world

Made from it but not of it

Existing in it, yet being beyond it

...

I've always known, of course.

There's so many ways to look at it

...

Autistic

Voidpunk

Weirdo

Spiritual

Intelligent/Genius

Idealistic

...

But the Truth

Is that I am that I am

And I will continue to be

[relativeconsciousness]

dawan doing the unselfish thing, i'm proud of her but at what cost

[endbeginning]

and if i said.... pet.er peve.nsie.....

[birbwell]

another fear and hunger anon- while right about the content around SA, their statement about the lore is absolutely NOWHERE NEAR true. the lore runs deep, it's just a game that has a lot of violence, gore, and insanity. it's literally about the depths of the human mind anon what are you on

setting anon 1 and anon 2 loose on each other like dogs

[mixtapedoh]

amygdala by agust d. that's it. that's the post.

[bravevolunteer]

i bought the fucking fnaf movie novel. i apologize in advance!

[pr]

shiv!

uuuuh I'm currently in a similar situation to yours, and I think you should do it. life is too short. I'm currently unemployed and waiting for the official job offer to start my career as a flight attendant, and there's a 1% chance that it might not come. there's still a chance I might fail one of the last exams, or that they'll simply give up on hiring me... aviation is unpredictable.

and yet, I don't regret quitting my job at all. I was miserable there anyways, and now I'm closer to my dream. even if things don't turn out the way I expect, I don't think I'll regret my decision of quitting. do it!

🥹🥹🥹🥹 thank you for the sweet sweet solidarity theo! and i am manifesting this for you, if i can get this opportunity so can you, i believe in youuuu!!! 😞💖💖💖