#fav song on the planet

[lateseptemberdawn]

SHUT UP SHOOT! DOES HAVE A CHOREOGRAPHY OMGGGGG AAAAAA BET ILL LEARN ITTTTT

[swordheld]

hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

[bitchapalooza]

Okay so like snail shells are formed in the gestational period or whatever. It's made from calcium components. BUT IS THE RECEIVER BORN WITH THE TRANSPONDER SNAIL OR ADDED ON BY HUMANS??

Because like it reminds me of the OOD in doctor who, who are a docile race (until a certain point) that doesn't mind serving (until a certain point). They are born with their brains in their hands so humans, when basically mass producing these OOD, would put a sphere around their brains to appear more pleasant and marketable. Which hindered their psychic connection and blah blah blah, anyway the transponder snails and the OOD are somewhat similar in that they are a docile entity that serve another species as it's entire existence and are subsequently exposed to abuse. Makes me kinda wonder if the transponder snail could also be like this, with their brains formed outside of their bodies.

[adhdtsukasa]

everyday i grieve that it's pretty much unlikely for wxs to cover songs that are on the calm and slow side due to the theatrical group they are and it means that we'll never get an by deco*27 wxs cover. such a wasted potential. such a wasted opportunity

[emiliosandozsequence]

I FORGOT. THEY PUT PINK WORLD ON SPOTIFY!!!!!!!!!

[seokmattchuus]

Okay wait, En Garde kinda fucks

[ssongsboo]

warum bleibst du bei mir? ich werde immer bei dir bleiben. bitte bleib bei mir. RAAAAAAAAAHHHHGGGAHHAHAHAHHHHHH

[cruel-seduction]

Beyond Fears 

Summary - With the biggest exam of your life coming up, stress is eating you alive—but Mattheo refuses to let it win. He’ll do whatever it takes to pull you out of your own head, even if it means causing a little chaos. But when the truth behind your fear comes out, he’s ready to remind you of one thing—no matter what happens, he’s not going anywhere.

Content Warning - Suggestive theme and Curse words. 

Glimpse - “And as for your stupid little fear that I’ll find someone else—ugh, babe, do you think I’m insane? That my brain is rotting?” His lips twitched into a smirk before softening again. “Do you think I’d willingly trade you—the love of my fucking life, the only person who actually laughs at my dumb jokes, the only one who knows exactly how I like my coffee, the only soul on this godforsaken planet who makes me feel like I belong—for anyone else?” His voice was raw now, honest in a way that made your chest ache.

His forehead pressed against yours, his nose brushing yours as he whispered, “Baby, there is no one else. There never will be.”

a/n - Divider Credit goes to @bernardsbendystraws. And also I wrote this based of on a scene from my fav show. Cause I needed to do crying reader over valid reason and this seem like best. And she does portrays that she is strong. but Mattheo is Mattheo bro.

Requested by @jarjarbinks-har-har

Mattheo could feel the tension rolling off you from a mile away—thick, restless, electric. Anxiety coiled around your frame like an iron grip, tightening with every breath you took. The upcoming exam loomed over you like a storm cloud, its weight pressing down on you with an unbearable force. If you passed, you’d be the youngest woman in history to earn a seat at one of the most prestigious higher education institutions for witches and wizards. The pressure was suffocating, an invisible noose tightening around your throat.

You weren’t the only one feeling it. Mattheo was tense too, but not because of the exam. No, he was wound up because of you—because your stress became his stress, your suffering bled into him like an open wound. He’d tried everything to ease your nerves. He took you to your favorite coffee shop, bought you anything you wanted, even tried distracting you with jokes and stolen kisses—but nothing worked. You were drowning in books, lost in your relentless pursuit of perfection, and no amount of comfort could pull you out.

Eighteen hours. That’s how long you had gone without sleep. Maybe more. You were running purely on caffeine and raw determination, your veins practically humming with exhaustion. Dark circles didn’t just shadow your eyes—they owned your face, carved into your skin like permanent bruises. At night, you sang old traditional songs in a hollow, eerie voice, studying by torchlight like some deranged scholar possessed by ancient magic. Your roommates had given up on you, groaning in frustration as your muttered revisions carried into the early hours. Even when Mattheo convinced you to crash in his dorm, you never truly rested. You just laid there beside him, whispering formulas, theories, and incantations under your breath, your fingers tracing invisible notes on his skin. It was getting out of hand.

Mattheo watched you now, his jaw clenched as he took in the sight before him—you, hunched over a book in the Great Hall, a cup of coffee gripped in one trembling hand, barely picking at your food with the other. Students all around were suffering through exam stress, but Mattheo didn’t give a damn about any of them. You were the only one who mattered. And watching you unravel like this was killing him.

Sitting beside him, Theodore Nott let out a low whistle. “Mate, what the hell is wrong with her?” he muttered, following Mattheo’s gaze.

Mattheo exhaled sharply, shaking his head. “That stupid exam is next week. She’s pushing herself too hard. If she doesn’t pass, she won’t be able to retake it for another four years. That would completely screw up her entire life plan.” His voice was tight, frustration laced beneath the concern.

Theodore huffed a laugh, lips curling in amusement. “Please, it can’t be that serious. No one plans their life around one exam.” Mattheo’s eyes darkened as he turned toward his friend. “It’s her wallpaper.” Theodore’s brow furrowed. “What?”

Mattheo ran a hand through his hair. “The life plan. It hangs over her bed.” Theodore’s mouth formed a small ‘O’ of realization, his amusement fading into something more thoughtful.

Mattheo knew this couldn’t go on. He couldn’t just sit back and watch you self-destruct. No, he had to do something.

And he knew exactly what to do.

Later that day, Mattheo found you exactly where he expected—in the library, buried under an avalanche of books, your fingers gripping a quill like it was the only thing keeping you tethered to reality. Without a word, he sank into the chair beside you, drumming his fingers against the wooden surface.

You didn’t even glance up, just exhaled a frustrated sigh before whispering, “Don’t waste my time. Just say what you wanna say.”

Mattheo smirked, leaning back in his chair with that signature arrogance, the kind that both infuriated and charmed you in equal measure. “Babe, don’t worry. You’re gonna crush it. You could take this exam with one eye closed and still beat half these idiots. And most importantly—” he paused, his voice softening slightly, “—even if you don’t, it’s fine. You got this.”

Your eyes snapped to his, narrowing. “You don’t know what you’re saying,” you scoffed. “You’re only saying this because you love me. Love has made you dumber.”

Mattheo let out a low chuckle, shaking his head. “No, I don’t think so. If anything, love has made me smarter. See, I haven’t picked a single fight this whole month.”

Your lips twitched despite yourself, a ghost of a proud smile appearing. “Yes, I am very proud of you for that. But if you don’t get the hell out in ten seconds, I will personally break your nose.”

Mattheo grinned like he’d been waiting for exactly that response. In a single, swift motion, he grabbed your wrist, yanking you to your feet before you could protest.

“What the hell, Mattheo?!” You struggled against his grip, your chair scraping noisily against the floor as he dragged you out of the library. Heads turned. You scowled. “Stop! I swear to Merlin, if this is another one of your—”

He didn’t stop. He didn’t even slow down, only coming to a halt when he shoved open the door to an abandoned classroom and pulled you inside.

You shot him a glare as you yanked your arm free. “This better be good, Riddle, or I’m hexing your balls into oblivion.”

Mattheo’s smirk widened as he leaned casually against a desk, arms crossed over his chest. “Since you’re so stressed, I figured—why not give you a test?”

Your eyes darkened, your irritation sharpening into a glare. “Are you serious? You dragged me here for a fake test? These things are useless, Mattheo. They don’t have the same pressure, the same distractions. It’s all too damn quiet and perfect, like the walls themselves are whispering the answers.”

Mattheo tilted his head, looking entirely too pleased with himself. “Yeah, I figured you’d say that.” He clapped his hands together once, and suddenly, the door swung open.

In walked Abby and Scully from Ravenclaw, each lugging twenty-five bags of chips. As they sat down, they immediately started munching—loudly. Crunching, smacking, licking their fingers like they were trying to break a world record for obnoxious eating.

Your eye twitched.

But that wasn’t all. Right behind them, a group of students filed in—loud ones. The kind who couldn’t stay quiet if their lives depended on it. They bickered, they whispered, they tapped their quills against the desks, they fidgeted like caffeinated squirrels.

Mattheo leaned in, his lips brushing the shell of your ear as he whispered, “Better prepare yourself, Y/L/N. This is your battlefield.” Then, with a wicked grin, he added, “And I know you wanna rip my clothes off right now, but you’re gonna have to wait and ace this test first.”

You stepped closer, so close that he sucked in a breath, his smirk faltering just slightly. Your voice dropped to a sultry whisper, just for him.

“I am so fucking turned on by you right now.” You smirked. “Give me five minutes to destroy this test. Then? You.”

Mattheo’s mouth fell open slightly, like he’d just been hit by a Confundus Charm.

You winked, snatching up the test from his hands, and took your seat, utterly unbothered by the chaos around you.

Mattheo, still standing there, watching you with something dark and heated in his gaze, let out a quiet, disbelieving chuckle.

“Fucking hell,” he muttered. “I think I just made studying sexy.”

Mattheo sat outside on the Quidditch field, staring up at the darkening sky, the cool breeze doing nothing to temper the frustration simmering in his chest. His fingers fidgeted with a stray blade of grass as he replayed the events of the day over and over in his head. He was about to go find you himself when he noticed Abby and Scully trudging toward him, looking particularly sheepish.

“We’re out of chips,” they said in perfect unison.

Mattheo blinked. Then scowled. “What the hell? I gave you fifty packets. And I told you to stay in that damn room.”

Scully shifted uncomfortably before muttering, “About that… Y/N kinda… vanished.”

Mattheo’s stomach dropped. His jaw clenched. “Vanished?” His voice was eerily calm, but his eyes—oh, his eyes had darkened into something deadly.

Abby nodded. “Yeah, she just—poof. One second she was there, the next, gone. No idea where.”

Mattheo shot to his feet, his entire body thrumming with tension. “I asked you to do one thing,” he snapped, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “One fucking thing—and you couldn’t even do that?” He exhaled sharply, shaking his head. “Move aside.”

It was almost nightfall, and Mattheo, along with his friends, had been searching for you for over an hour. You were nowhere to be found. His mind churned with possibilities—were you upset? Were you hiding? Had something happened? And then, like a punch to the gut, it hit him.

Today’s date.

Mattheo stopped in his tracks, exhaling as realization settled over him. “I know where she is,” he muttered. “Go back to the dorms—I got this.”

Without waiting for a response, he turned on his heel and headed toward the Potions classroom.

And there you were.

Curled up in a ball, tucked into the shadows, your arms wrapped around your knees as if holding yourself together. The dim candlelight flickered against your face, casting soft, golden hues over your tear-streaked cheeks. His chest tightened at the sight.

Mattheo said nothing as he stepped inside. He didn’t need to. Instead, he lowered himself to the floor beside you, his presence warm and steady.

You glanced up, your voice barely above a whisper. “How did you find me?”

His expression remained neutral, but his eyes—his eyes—were soft as they met yours. “15th of March.”

A humorless laugh escaped your lips, and despite yourself, a small, sad smile tugged at the corner of your mouth. “Of course.”

Mattheo’s lips curled into one of those rare smiles—the kind he didn’t give just anyone. “A year ago, today, we had detention together.” His tone turned teasing. “You spent the whole night pretending to be annoyed while secretly staring at me like I was the hottest thing you’d ever seen, and by the end of it, you were completely infatuated with me.”

You gave him a side-eye. “Mattheo.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine. You flirted with me for fifteen seconds, and I became obsessed.”

You let out a soft chuckle, shaking your head. “Sounds more accurate.”

A comfortable silence settled between you both.

And then, softly, Mattheo asked, “Babe, can you tell me the real reason why you’re scared?”

You hesitated for a moment before shifting closer, resting your head against his shoulder. His warmth seeped into you, grounding you, anchoring you.

“I didn’t even know why I was so tense before,” you admitted. “But when I was in that classroom, giving that practice test… I realized.” Your throat tightened. “Passing this test means going away from you. And I—I don’t know how to handle that.”

Mattheo stayed quiet, letting you speak.

“All these days, I’ve been drowning myself in books, trying to avoid thinking about it. But in that classroom, it hit me.” Your voice cracked. “Everything between us is so good right now. But what if leaving ruins that? What if we can’t make long distance work? What if me being gone changes everything?” A tear slid down your cheek, soaking into Mattheo’s shirt. “And what if—” your voice broke entirely, and you inhaled shakily, “—what if you realize that you deserve better? What if you find someone else, someone closer? Someone who isn’t a whole country away?”

Mattheo was quiet for a beat. Then, with a slow exhale, he shook his head and lifted his hands to your face, cradling your cheeks between his palms. He wiped your tears away gently, then—because he was still Mattheo—he wiped his hands off on your shirt, making you let out a watery laugh.

And then, in a voice barely above a whisper, he said, “Babe, listen to me—no, actually, shut up and listen, because I know that pretty little overthinking brain of yours is already running marathons.” His thumbs stroked your cheekbones, his touch featherlight. His gaze—intense, unwavering, filled with nothing but love—held you in place, made you feel every word before he even said them.

“Darling, if you don’t go—if you give up your dream for me—I swear I will throw myself into the nearest trash can and live there forever because that’s exactly where I belong if I let you do that.” His voice was steady, firm, convincing. “Baby, I want you to go. I need you to go. Not because I want to be away from you—hell no, I’m already dreading the distance—but because you’ve been dreaming about this since you were a kid, and the only thing worse than missing you would be watching you resent me for holding you back.”

You sniffled, lips trembling.

“And as for your stupid little fear that I’ll find someone else—ugh, babe, do you think I’m insane? That my brain is rotting?” His lips twitched into a smirk before softening again. “Do you think I’d willingly trade you—the love of my fucking life, the only person who actually laughs at my dumb jokes, the only one who knows exactly how I like my coffee, the only soul on this godforsaken planet who makes me feel like I belong—for anyone else?” His voice was raw now, honest in a way that made your chest ache.

His forehead pressed against yours, his nose brushing yours as he whispered, “Baby, there is no one else. There never will be.”

Tears slipped silently down your cheeks.

“So go. Conquer. Be brilliant.” He swallowed thickly. “And when you come back, I’ll be right here, still stupidly in love with you, probably crying into your hoodie and talking to your pictures like a lunatic.” He gave you a small, wry smile. “But I’ll be yours. Always.”

Your lips trembled. Your fingers clutched at the fabric of his shirt.

And then, with no warning, you surged forward, crashing your lips against his in a kiss so deep, so desperate, it stole the breath from both your lungs.

Mattheo exhaled into your mouth, his arms winding around you like he never wanted to let go.

And maybe, just maybe—he never would.

[minkiverse]

JEONG YUNHO FIC RECS

Poly!Ateez Pt. 1 - Pt. 2 - Kim Hongjoong - Park Seonghwa - Kang Yeosang - Choi San - Song Mingi - Jung Wooyoung - Choi Jongho

The most boyfriendiest member of Ateez!!! I have like fully signed up to the idea that people who bias Yunho, write some of the best fics. THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY COINCIDENCES!!!!!! asdffgkfg anyway, I hope you enjoy and support these authors!!!!!!

Dividers by @cafekitsune

DISCLAIMER none of these works are mine and majority are MATURE 18+, please read all warnings before reading!!!

Key:

✨ - My Favs

🔥 - Smut (MINORS DNI)

⛈️ - Angst

💗 - Fluff

🍑 - Humor

SERIES

save a horse, ride a cowboy + horses are still overrated - @yunhoszn 🔥⛈️💗 Cowboy!Yunho

i loooove a hallmark type romance ok i cant help it 😭😭 but city girl!mc meeting and falling for cowboy!yunho its just so good like damn i wish that were me 😔😔

blinding faith - @kitten4sannie 🔥⛈️ Cult AU ✧ Ongoing

other members do appear in this but this yunho is absolutely terrifying!!!👏👏 he is such a commanding presence and how the mc is so enraptured by him makes me so curious of how this will play out!!!

summer nights + summer's end - @honeyhotteoks 🔥⛈️💗 Friends to Lovers AU ✧ Roommate AU

if honeyhotteoks is writing im reading ok its as simple as that👏👏 this yunho is such a goddamn tease but also how could you not fall deeply in love with him???

ONE SHOTS/DRABBLES

realistic sex with yunho - @byuntrash101 🔥

Stay Quiet - @desirehorizon 🔥

Early Hours - @honeyhotteoks ✨🔥💗 Idol AU

this is MY yuyu fic!!!!! how this author writes yunho is the most endearing and like feels so genuinely him i could melt 🫠🫠 and this fic is just pure indulgence 👏👏 i feel like the trope of running into an idol after a concert has been done a lot, but this is just written so well and i cannot count the amount of times i have re-read this asfdgfghf

jeong yunho boyfriend texts - @koizekomi 🍑 College AU

lovers in the night - @atzfilm 🔥⛈️ Sugar Daddy AU ✧ Exes to Lovers AU

the drill - @byuntrash101 ✨🔥

like i said in my tags, i love losers with big dicks ok i cant help it 😔😔 like yuyu being so nervous was just so cute but then how this man is when he is fucking !?!?!! 😩😩😩

A helping hand - @yeosbbm 🔥 Roommates AU

opposites attract - @tainsan 🔥💗 College AU ✧ Tutor!Yunho

puppy pjs - @deathbyyeekies 💗

yunho princess treatment - @planet-dusk 🔥

first time - @ateezscupid 🔥 College AU ✧ Aphrodisiacs

Try Again - @desirehorizon 🔥⛈️ Exes to Lovers AU

PUPPYBOYS4YOU.COM - @kitten4sannie 🔥Camboy AU

A "First" Date - @wooyoungiewritings 🔥💗 Friends to Lovers AU

Untitled - @lovelyuyu 🔥

Untitled - @sxcret-garden 🔥

tupelo - @puddingyun 🔥💗 Actor AU

Tight - @sxcret-garden 🔥

NSFW Alphabet - @sxcret-garden 🔥

body language - @k-hotchoisan 🔥 Brother's Best Friend AU

attention - @seonghwaddict 💗

Want me to teach you? - @shocymer 🔥College AU

the best of the best - @seonghwaddict 🔥 Cyberpunk 2077 AU

boyfriend texts - @beenbaanbuun 🍑

outlaw - @pirateprincessblog 🔥⛈️ Wild West AU

Stuffed - @desirehorizon 🔥

Feeling Like I Do - @sorryimananti-romantic 💗 Friends to Lovers AU

[astrologyvas]

venus in the 8th house overlay/synastry

please do not copy or repeat my work anywhere

this synastry is one of my all time favs. before i get into it, i want to preface that this overlay will be especially compelling and impactful if you have a pluto dominant chart, significant 8th house placements, scorpionic energy or heavy pluto aspects. in fact, you may find yourself yearning for these kind of connections and the intensity it brings.

when you meet them, it's an instantly potent and magnetic experience. something draws you to them, and you immediately feel intrigued by their presence. you are quickly captivated and at the whim of this connection. these are the people who you keep on a pedestal in your heart. the people that you compare to when you meet someone new. the people that you think about late at night, when you're the only one awake.

venus in the 8th house gives both the planet and the house a similar taste in things like music, the arts, and other venusian themes. there is a deep appreciation of interests, which are often shared and acknowledged.

this overlay gives both parties, but heavily the venus, a craving to know more about their partner. they are fascinated by the crevices of the house's personality that they occasionally give venus a taste for. the house is an enigma to venus, and they want to figure them out.

when unevolved or unhealthy, this placement gives me the vibes of "i want you so bad and no one else can have you, but i'll never let you know that". extremely susceptible synastry for mind games, powerplay & toxicity if either parties feel insecure or imbalanced. these connections are often karmic in nature, and can feel like they latched onto your heart, sucking the blood out of it before disappearing completely.

the energy of this connection will undoubtedly be erotic. both parties, but specifically the house, will find the other physically irresistible. the planet person crawls into the house's head and lures out the deepest, most primal parts of them. m*sturbating and getting off while thinking about each other vibes.

accepting this union into your life unleashes powerful emotions. you feel like this person brings out your darkest side, like they want to see your flaws. you can't run or hide from them, they pry open the parts of yourself you keep locked with a key.

financially, this overlay feels loving in terms of money. the energy of "i'll buy you this, because you mean more to me than a few dollars ever could". money feels safe with this person, like the superficial aspects melt away.

it is an indescribable and all-consuming placement. the lust this connection brings is intoxicating. the venus in particular will feel like they need the house physically, like they would die without access to their body. since the 8th house rules over death and the occult, there is a very intense "i'd die happy with you" aura. the feeling of wanting to merge with them, because touching them isn't enough.

since this synastry is karmically charged, it usually blows up if either are receiving karma or paying debts through this tie. be mindful of betrayal, 3rd parties, and affairs.

after this connection ends, they linger & loom in the back of your mind. they eat away at the depths of your subconscious before you finally feel like you can move on. this synastry can be beautiful and interchangeably painful.

even after cutting them off, you feel the familiar hunger for them. they feel like an addiction that still invades your mind, looking for the fix only they can give you.

songs that may resonate:

break - alex g twilight - boa haunted - beyonce

[satellitespinner]

fic recs .

(posted in jan of 2024, soon to be updated.)

-> it takes 10 seconds. | boycott neil.

invisible string theory - @total-dxmure

amazing unique storyline, the angst and fluff balance eachother perfectly!

see you next summer - @carmellie

the angst absolutely kills me!! amazing plot, and accurate character development!

my summer with you - @callmelola111

i have a kink for summer romances i think. all of lolas fics ascend me to the greater god

scent of the pine - @s-4pphics

i could go on for HOURS on how this altered my brain chemistry. the trope, the angst, the fluff, the smut. all the characters are written as though they are real people and i’m in LOVE. sal genuinely got me into fanfiction.

crybaby - @beforeimdeceased

so intriguing!! i re read this more than i can count! the angst at these end got mee

sacchrine saturations - @astralnymphh

poetic as fuckkkk!!! genuinely got me re reading my work 😭😭 author is gen an angel sent from the lord!! INFIDELITY 😔

bad liar - @inf3ct3dd

got me on the edge of my seat!! i loved reading this!! also the aesthetic!! got me hooked! plot line from my favourite movies how could i not love it!

nobody compares to you - @elliesbelle

read it all in one night and was almost late to my 8:30 lecture.. was it worth it? absolutely! :3

perfect pair - @coeurify

i remember reading this for the first time on vacation a really long while ago and i fell in love! if i had to sell my soul to read this for the first time again, i would!

superposition - @totheblood

if she has zero fans, i’m fucking dead. loved this fic with my whole heart!!

lessons on how to exist - @elleloquently

this was so good. so relatable to me personally, it really made me feel seen, and i heart fluff <3

call me if you get lost - @cowgirlcherrie

bro the vibes were immaculateeeeee + i love skating + i love that album + i love cherrie + holy shit + omg😩

ellie’s away… - @les4elliewilliams

this is such a unique plot i reread atleast once a week. i adore the concept. AND the characters are well written!!!!

i could be your habit - @loaksky

i’m gonna be honest, when it comes to angst- the tlou community PULLS THROUGH. i love it because this masterpiece is SMUTLESSS. yup you heard it.

exoplanet - @minustwofingers

no words? are you fucking kidding me? the amount of grief this shit gave me. the THIUGHT that was put into this. i would too, name a planet after ellie williams….

dydfil - @ohcaptains

One of the first ones i ever read i think. i loved it regardless, i go back and read it all the time!!!!

one of your girls - @lovelettersfromluna

ITS TEWW GOOD 😭😭😭😭 amyt and angst yeah.. HEY IM HERE LIKEEEE

Tis the damn season - @coeurify

this ateeeeee like… fav trope! fav taylor song! i love this so MUCHHHHHH rinie my fav they locked in for this

bsf older sister!sevika - @iambilegs

HCS HCS HCS #ILOVESEVIKA

someone older - @les4elliewilliams

good god. where do i even start. the fact that so much happened in 7k words im genuinely at a loss for words. just fucking kill me now.

letting go - @vxsellie

i have so much to say and not enough words to express how i feel. this is the second time i actually CRIED real sobs over a fic. its so good. heartbreaking. i cant. it hits so close to home and i just love it everyone thank her for writing this!!

[ariesprincesss]

My fav Songs and Astro placements they remind me of :)

-(Disclaimer i am not an astrologer just a silly girl that knows a ton of information on astrology🤓)

♫ deep pain from love of giving yourself to another but not receiving the same in return ,yet still choosing to give love despite their inconsistency. For me this feels very 8th house mental ,emotional inconsistencies, Pluto influence; dealing with those who have power over you and abuse you whether physical or mental. Almost like Having your pluto in someone’s 1st in synastry aspecting their personal planets. Just able to preform complete power and dominance over them.

♫ this song instantly feels like Heavy Aquarius energy, venus/uranus aspects , im kind of feeling pisces placements for this song too through lyrics alone feels like someone that’s elusive hard to find yet always around? Like that one girl you see that’s super stunning but you only see her once a blue moon…

♫ Instantly very pisces/12h placements , 8h/12h synastry , Neptune/Saturn in synastry….being “too late for you baby…” and the ache you can feel in his voice as he repeats, sounds almost like rumination…That feels like this pisces dreaddddd. Just thinking too much feeling too strongly….

♫ oh girl this is suchhh a scorpio , pluto energy , pluto-neptune, jupiter-pluto, venus-neptune neptunic kind of song😭. The way the song sounds so happy you don’t rlly think much until u read the lyrics. “baby you’ve got more poison that sugar… i NEED your love i NEED your touch” like this obsessiveness for this person while being able to acknowledge that they’re so so bad for you…i would also add mercury-neptune aspects into this.

♫ feels like what you think a twinflame encounter would be like ,holding someone to a very high regard nearing idolization, feeling “fated” (northnode-venus ,ascendant, sun, neptune and/ or moon. neptune-venus ,ascendant aspecting ascendant , sun-venus) (7h synastry)

♫ This song feels like mars negatively aspecting your venus, venus square ascendant, ascendant square moon , scorpio energy also cancer energy , like moon square venus.

♫ This song feels like 1h//7h chiron, 1st house pluto ,saturn, neptune, 12h synastry 1st house ruler in the 8th/12th, 12h placements , 12h moon but also a scorpio talking about getting their lick back & sza is quite literally a scorpio☠️ Neptune 1h overlay too! Maybe Neptune-dc/ac in synastry.

[struwberrii]

semi headcanons ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

here are some random general headcanons for semi eita my underrated king :3 (also pls it’s actually so hard to read this guys personality BEAR WITH ME!!)

look at this man and tell me he doesn’t play guitar

his notes app is literally filled with random lyrics and guitar riffs

also i can imagine him having a mac book and his photo booth app is just vids of him covering songs and playing guitar

it’s canon that tendou thinks his style kinda sucks so i imagine him just owning some of the most horrendous graphic t-shirts

likes taking walks in wooded areas and just listening to music and getting lost in thought

i feel like he would be the type of guy to make every conversation with someone he doesn’t rlly know too well super awkward

like the type of guy to say “you too!” when a server say enjoy your food

he gives me middle child vibes and i feel like he’d have an older brother who introduced him to cool bands and guitar

probably the type of guy to randomly get super philosophical

i feel like he’d be super gullible on certain topics too, like he probably believed a lot of those dumb internet shams for an absurd amount of time

would def judge your music taste silently then try to put you onto his favs

always in a bad mood/irritated but the second someone compliments him or is nice to him he’s wagging his tail

movie fanatic, he has seen every movie on the planet

i also feel like he’s 2011 older brother core, ykwim?

failing in school and knows he’s gonna have a hard time if he doesn’t get it together but has no motivation

beat up doc marten boots wearer

i honestly feel like he’d be kinda rude unintentionally and then be confused as to why people are calling him mean

also it’s canon that he’s in the lowest class at shiratorizawa so you already KNOW he’s a scholarship boy because no way he got in for those grades 😭😭😭

probably goes to the gym like twice a week because he forgets

spends literally 3 hours to do the simplest homework because every little thing distracts him

always smells like musky apples or rotten fruit for some reason

genuinely a chill person to be around if you understand his humor

pretends to play drums with his pencils on his desk

will stop talking mid conversation if he thinks of a good song lyric to write down

i feel like he would think he’s really deep and wise but he’s actually just kind of clueless 😭

mario kart champ

definitely the type of guy to get easily talked into doing stupid things like ufo hunting at 2 am on a school day

i actually imagine him to have a really deep and smooth singing voice (i could actually write a whole drabble abt band au semi)

probably has the worst diet ever, bro is eating leftover pizza for breakfast lunch dinner AND snacks

always thinking about his future but never doing anything to better his situation

has the comfiest sweaters but you’ll have to ignore the holes and questionable stains in weird places

type of guy to ruin your concert videos because his singing is so bad and off key

i also feel like his room would be really weirdly decorated, like he’d have a stolen stop sign up as decoration and then like holes punched in his walls and missing light bulbs

always has a lighter on him for some reason

also always has a headache

i feel like he’d also have a lot of instagram followers for some reason, like a couple thousand and he doesn’t even really post anything

the type of guy to constantly be thinking about how he could be doing better/more when his friends share good news and accomplishments with him

i feel like he’d have a pet lizard or frog yk :]

[kurapikaspookie]

⋆˚࿔ itoshi brothers | platonic 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶⠀୨୧⠀︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶

≡;- ꒰ ° 00 - Prolouge꒱

────୨ৎ────

Your siblings were a confusing phenomenon - while being tied by their very blood, they appeared to be complete strangers, divided by the wall of soccer. The two prodigies were talented without a doubt - they rose above the tens of thousands of players who lacked their ability, and they were prideful about it.

And yet, for all their brilliance, their bond had been eroded by it.

Lukewarm. That's what they called them. The word hung in the air of the football field a little too much - a harsh reminder to all the players around them that their level was unreachable. People that couldn't keep up with their progress, people who couldn't replicate the amount of time and sweat they put into this game. Sometimes, you wondered if they ever looked past the victories and trophies, or the roar of the crowd when they delivered a goal. But, you knew if they were to consider gazing upon the world around soccer, they would only see emptiness. Soccer had been their life from the day they were able to read and write, and it hadn't changed.

But you could never agree with it.

To value soccer over education was one thing, to value family over it was another. That's why you couldn't understand the rift in their relationship - it was built over a mere game.

────୨ৎ────

≡;- ꒰ ° 01 - The car drive꒱

────୨ৎ────

The car sauntered through the road, its engine a quiet hum as the planet of the night bore its light down on you and your brothers. Out of the window, you could see pretty little raindrops falling from the night sky, some select few landing on the car window. It was so calm outside, opposing the tension that was apparent in your car. Neither of your brothers were saying a thing, an unspoken rule of silence falling over the atmosphere. You rested your head on the window, its coldness biting your cheek as you did so. You had to do something to break the silence, right? But Sae seemed to beat you to it.

"What music would you like, [Y/N]?" he asked, not even sparing a glance at Rin. He never did when the three of you were together. Sae's words were always reserved for you, the only neutral party in their silent war. You were driving towards your gymnastics competition, an event that was meant to showcase your talent and your passion, but with this unbearable tension, the mood was heading in the other direction.

"I don't mind, ask Rin." you said, trying to get them to talk to each other a little. Sae simply looked at you through the rearview mirror before turning back to the road.

"Rin?" he begrudgingly asked, his voice holding no emotion whatsoever. Rin, who was next to you, stayed silent for a few seconds before finally answering.

"I don't care." he muttered, turning towards the window instead, like he was trying to escape the conversation. They were still exchanging minimal words, their relationship strained even outside of football.

This wasn't great at all. Even when you tried to get them to say something—anything to each other—it never worked. Their relationship was already shattered, with almost no hope of reviving it.

"Just play [Fav song], please." you said, deciding to abandon your plan entirely. Sae tapped his phone, and the familiar melody filled the car. It did little to lift the mood, but at least it drowned out the silence.

It was a tiring thing, trying to fix their broken bond. In fact, you were already starting to feel a headache coming on, and you didn't know whether it was your endless training or the strain of trying to fix a relationship. Either way, it hurt, pounding in your head like an alarm.

You paused for a few seconds.

"How's football?" you asked, your voice carrying forceful lightness, the question aimed at no one in particular. Rin shifted slightly, his gaze sliding toward Sae, but his older brother remained focused on the road, giving nothing away.

"Everyone's lukewarm." Rin replied, the usual. You expected something like that to come out of his mouth—he managed to find everyone inferior. You sighed, almost giving up on the two of them completely.

"What about you, Sae?" you decided to ask, trying to get an answer out of your other brother.

Sae didn't answer immediately. His fingers tightened slightly on the steering wheel, the only indication that he'd even heard you. Then, after a pause, his voice came, calm and measured.

"Just focused on what matters—rising above all these trashy player."

The response was as cold and clinical as you'd feared. No warmth, no engagement, just dismissal. You decided against urging them any further; it would be a futile attempt nonetheless.

As the three of you continued driving, you shifted your attention to the scenery outside. It was changing, hinting at your close range to your destination. You could now see a bustling, rich street nearby, filled with expensive-looking shops and too many people. This was the place where your prestigious Gymnastics Academy was located, the best one in Japan. It had to be; after all, Sae wouldn't let you go anywhere else. The car turned a corner as you arrived at a familiar building— the Academy

"We're here." Sae said, stopping the car in a parking lot. The building loomed tall and ominous above you, washing an unwelcoming feeling over you as you got your umbrella out. You were scared, yes, but you decided to push those feelings down as you grabbed your gymnastics uniform from the bottom of the car. Stepping out into the cool night air, you closed the door behind you and waited for your brothers. Sae was the first to follow, moving with his usual composed efficiency, while Rin trailed behind, his pace deliberate and unhurried.

The rhythmic patter of rain on your umbrella was the only sound accompanying your steps. The glow of the academy's lights reflected off the wet pavement, guiding your way. You glanced at your brothers—Sae walking ahead with his ever-calm demeanor, Rin beside you, his eyes fixed forward but distant.

The building's entrance grew closer, its bright doors a stark contrast to the gloom outside. With each step, the cold seemed to sharpen, and you were unsure about whether it was just the weather or the anticipation.

Inside, the space was sleek and modern, the polished floors reflecting the soft overhead lights. The faint hum of activity echoed through the lobby—gymnasts checking in, staff moving briskly, and the occasional laughter from a nearby group. It was a stark contrast to the oppressive stillness that had settled in the car.

At the desk, a young receptionist greeted you with a professional smile as you and your brothers headed over. "Good evening! Welcome to the Shibuya Gymnastics Academy! May I have your name?"

"[Y/N] Itoshi," you replied, leaning slightly forward. "I'm here for the 7:30 competition."

The receptionist typed quickly on her keyboard, her eyes scanning the screen before she nodded. "Ah, yes, we have you down. And these two?" She gestured politely toward Sae and Rin, her curiosity barely concealed.

"They're my brothers." you explained. You felt the need to clarify before the receptionist assumed they were anything else. "They're just here to accompany me."

"Of course." she replied, her smile never faltering. "The waiting area is on the third floor. You can take the elevator to your left. There's a lounge with a view of the rink."

You thanked her and turned toward the elevator, feeling Sae and Rin's presence behind you as you moved. The polished metal doors gleamed under the lights, and with a soft chime, they slid open. The three of you stepped inside, the confined space amplifying the weight of the unspoken words between your brothers.

The elevator doors closed as Rin clicked the button to the 3rd floor, the silence deafening.

"Where will you guys be sitting?" you asked, turning to your two brothers as they looked back at you.

"I'd like an elevated platform, it gives me a better view of the place." Sae responded, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Good idea. Will you two be sitting together?" you asked, hoping they wouldn't be sitting apart.

"I mean, there's no other choice." Rin answered, looking up at the ceiling as he did so, leaning back onto the wall.

These two could not be serious.

You looked at them in disbelief as they both completely dismissed your questions, practically ignoring you.

The elevator dinged softly as it reached the third floor. Sae stepped out first, his strides measured and confident. Rin followed without a word. You trailed behind them, adjusting the strap of your duffle bag over your shoulder as you tried to ignore the gnawing nervousness in your stomach. It felt more like nausea.

The waiting area was spacious, lined with plush chairs and framed by large windows that overlooked the stage below. Bright lights illuminated The Floor, where gymnasts were warming up. Coaches offered last-minute advice, and duos ran through their routines one final time.

"Let's head to the second floor," you suggested, gesturing toward the staircase to your right. "That's where the seating for spectators is."

Without a word, your brothers followed. Sae's calm gaze took in the surroundings, analyzing everything, while Rin kept his head down, letting his shoulders slump.

At the top of the stairs, you found the viewing area—a row of elevated seats overlooking The Floor. The second floor was quieter, offering a better view of the competition. Sae picked a seat toward the center, ensuring a prime vantage point. Rin slouched into the seat beside him, pulling out his earbuds only after Sae shot him a brief look.

"Good luck." Rin said to you as you hesitated near the staircase, his voice even but laced with a quiet sincerity that caught you off guard.

"Don't disappoint." Sae added.

"Thanks..." you said, looking at your two brothers for a moment. Sae was right—you couldn't mess up. This competition was your card into going worldwide, after all.

 ────୨ৎ────

≡;- ꒰ ° 02 - The competition꒱

────୨ৎ────

You looked into the mirror, now dressed in your pretty gymnast dress. A professional did your makeup, giving you a glittery look. It made you look pretty, but it didn't manage to cover up the slightly sick look on your face.

It was almost time for you to go on The Floor and perform your act, and the anticipation was killing you. You stretched a little bit, doing some side-lunges to prepare yourself for the act. It was hard - probably the hardest there, but that was expected from the best gymnast in the Academy. You decided to make your way backstage, as your coach looked over at you and gave you a warm smile. You knew your brothers' seats, and you could already feel their indifferent, condemnatory glares. They were almost as judgmental of you as they were of each other.

But, you knew that unlike them, gymnastics was simply something you were good at. Yes, you put hours of work into it, but at the end of the day, gymnastics was just one of the many things you enjoyed. So, if you failed, you'd be devastated, but you had plenty of other choices.

You suddenly felt a little less sick.

"Up next, give it up for [Y/N] Itoshi!" The announcer called out, as you heard a round of polite applause. You sighed, clenching and unclenching your fists as you strutted onto the floor, holding your head high as you embodied the form of 'the best'.

Your music started playing as you tried to find your brother's faces in the crowd. You couldn't see them yet, but the reassurance that they were there comforted you. So you made your way to the corner of the mat, waiting for your song to play.

As the song began, you launched into your routine. You started with a switch leap, your legs slicing cleanly through the air before you dropped into a split, leaning forward gracefully. The crowd's murmur faded as your focus sharpened.

But then, the nausea returned. It sat low in your stomach, manageable, but noticeable.

You placed your hands on the floor, swinging one leg over the other to rise smoothly to your feet. Dancing across the mat, you showcased a blend of ballet elegance and gymnastic precision, each movement polished from hours of training. Yet with every sharp motion—every high kick, every head turn—the nausea grew. Your headache resurfaced, faint at first, but quickly intensifying, pounding with every beat of the music.

You pushed through. You had to.

Near the end of your routine, you sank gracefully to the floor, raising your arms overhead. From there, you rolled onto your back, using the momentum to spring into a handstand. Blood rushed to your head, and the headache surged—sharp and unbearable. Stars danced at the edges of your vision as you rolled to your feet.

It's fine.

Just one move left.

You stood at the edge of the mat, your breath coming in shallow gasps.

One move.

You sprinted forward, leaping into a handstand and initiating your triple backflip. The first rotation felt solid. But halfway through the second, blood rushed to your head, making pain explode in your skull, white-hot and blinding. Your body twisted awkwardly, your legs flailing as control slipped from your grasp.

And then, you hit the mat.

As you stayed there, your entire body aching from your awkward position, you finally caught sight of your brothers. Before your vision went blurry, you could see the lightly concealed shock on their faces. You could see Rin getting up from his seat; you could feel his panic. But he simply stood there. The crowd gasped, shocked murmurs reverberating around you as you finally rolled to your side.

The pain was excruciating, a searing agony that made you certain something was broken. Yet, it was the throbbing in your head, a relentless pounding, that overshadowed all else. The ache from hitting the floor merged with your headache from earlier to create a terrifying monster in your head. And all you could do was sit there - you didn't even have the energy to get up. As you slowly realised you were losing consciousness, all you could think of was the expressions on your brother's faces. It was the most emotion shown by them in years, and not for a good reason.

────୨ৎ────

≡;- ꒰ ° 03 - The hospital꒱

────୨ৎ────

The sound of voices filled your ears, irritating you. Pain shot through your head as you slowly opened your eyes, the light overhead making you squint.

"She's waking up! She's conscious." A female voice said, as you opened your eyes just barely. You were laying flat in what you recognized to be a hospital room, surrounded by medical staff. The female doctor was holding your head still, as you noticed a cervical collar around your neck. It was a hectic environment, with doctors walking around in swift, practiced motions, some talking to other people, some simply gathering equipment. Monitors beeped softly in the background, and equipment clinked as a paramedic sorted supplies. But amidst the commotion, two familiar figures stood frozen in the doorway.

Sae and Rin were standing there, staring at you with prominent worry. As they both met your gaze, Rin took a step forward, only for Sae's hand to stop him.

"Let them do their job." Sae muttered, just loud enough so you could strain to hear.

The sound of the paramedic's voice pulled your attention back to her. "What's your name, sweetheart?" She asked, her tone gentle yet focused. Her face came into view, blocking your sight of the doorway.

Confusion clouded your thoughts. A simple question—but the answer eluded you. "My... uh... I don't know... I don't know," you stammered, panic creeping into your voice.

The paramedic didn't seem fazed. "That's okay," she reassured you quickly. "Do you know where you are? What happened?"

"I... I don't know..." You replied, struggling to keep your focus in one place.

"Can you squeeze my finger?" The doctor asked, holding her finger out. For some reason, following the command was hard, you simply couldn't concentrate on her finger. You felt your consciousness slipping away again, your eyes slowly closing as you felt your body go limp.

"She's losing consciousness. It might be a moderate concussion..." her voice got clouded by your thoughts, as everything went black.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

"[Y/N]?"

A familiar voice called out to you, as the sterile scent of antiseptic filled your nose. You felt sheets encase you warmly as you slowly opened your eyes again. The white lights on the overhead ceiling almost blinded you, making you squint.

You managed to turn your head, your eyes falling upon your brother - Rin. He was sitting in a chair next to you, sitting cross legged on the chair, his face not holding the usual indifference anymore.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, leaning forward, his voice quieter and gentler than usual

You paused, trying to collect your thoughts into one place. It took a moment to fully process his words; your mind feeling like an endless fog.

"Fine." You muttered, but you felt wildly different.

Rin sighed and shook his head. "You really had me scared. I don't know why you would try that move if you can't do it perfectly."

It took a long time for you to process his question, and even at that you still didn't fully grasp it. So you looked at him with a blank expression.

"What?" Your speech was slurred and unusually dragged out, something that didn't usually happen.

"Forget it." Rin waved his hand, leaning back. You were clearly still unwell in the head. "Do you remember anything?"

You tried to remember what happened, but you were unable to; the memories drifting away, leaving an empty pit in its absence.

"No."

"Okay."

Rin decided to remain silent for a while - he wanted to give you space, since you were still struggling to answer things. He simply leaned back, rewarding you with silence while his gaze found the floor. Rin had never known how to respond in emotional situations like this; it felt foreign to him, and he didn't even try. He simply did what he thought he would like, which was silence.

The two of you were sitting in silence for nearly 10 minutes by now, Rin's eyes stuck to the floor, your eyes on Rin. His face softened a little, as he realized he couldn't sit in silence forever. What good would that do?

The minutes ticked by. You lay there, your head still pounding, watching him. He hadn't moved, his eyes fixed on a spot on the tiled floor.

Eventually, Rin broke the silence, his voice quieter than before. "Is there anything you need? Anything you want?"

"I don't know." You responded.

"I'll grab you something to eat later." Rin said, deciding to take initiative. "Your favorite, [Fav food]."

You nod, realizing you had forgotten what your favorite food was.

Before you could respond, the door to your room opened quietly, and a nurse entered, carrying a clipboard. She offered Rin a polite smile before turning her attention to you.

"Good to see you awake," she said warmly. "How are you feeling? Any pain?"

"Head." You managed, the word barely above a whisper.

She nodded. "That's to be expected. You had a fall and suffered a moderate concussion. Do you feel nauseous at all? Any dizziness?"

"A little." you replied after a pause, your voice strained.

The nurse jotted something on her clipboard. "That's normal, but we'll keep monitoring you. It's important you rest and avoid overstimulation for now." She glanced at Rin. "Short visits only. She needs quiet."

Rin nodded solemnly, his gaze briefly flicking to you before settling on the nurse.

As she adjusted the IV line running into your arm, the nurse continued, "The doctor will check in with you soon, but for now, let us know if the headache worsens or if you feel disoriented again, alright?"

You gave a small nod, though the motion made your head throb.

Once the nurse left, Rin leaned forward again, resting his elbows on his knees. His face was unreadable, but his eyes betrayed his concern.

"Guess I'll keep this short, like she said," he muttered. "But... I'm not going anywhere yet."

You didn't respond, too drained to speak. But as your eyes closed again, you felt a fleeting sense of comfort knowing he was still there, his presence anchoring you to the moment.

────୨ৎ────

≡;- ꒰ ° 04 - Sae's visit꒱

────୨ৎ────

The ringing in your head still hasn't subsided yet, and the slow creak of the door as it opened wasn't helping. Rin had left to buy you some food, so you were alone as for now, trapped with the sterile, white walls and the oddly comfortable bed.

Until someone came in.

Sae's head popped through the door, managing to keep a nonchalant expression on his face even after the recent events. But, as he observed your state, his brows slowly deepened. He cared... even if he didn't show it in the most prominent ways.

"Yes? You can come in, you know." You say, sitting up. His frown of worry turned into one of annoyance, as he opened the door fully and started walking over to you.

"I know that already, just making sure you were awake." He said, pulling the chair next to you out, sitting in it.

"What are you here for, anyway?" you muttered, before turning your head back to the ceiling.

"I'm just checking up on you. That hit must've hurt." He rummaged into his bag - it was an expensive sports one, the type he was always carrying around no matter the situation.

"Here." He said, before retrieving [Fav drink] from his bag. You reveled at the sight, but you were too tired to show your gratitude. So you expressed it in words.

"Thanks."

A few minutes of awkward silence lingered between the two of you, as you ravishingly slurped down your drink. It was nice, of course, but it was disappointing to realize that your brothers couldn't express their worry in any other way.

Sae met your gaze, as he sighed, leaning forward.

"I might be leaving soon. To represent Spain in the Euro Cup." He dropped, his tone still too nonchalant for the information he just dropped on you. You sat up too quick, your head reeling and spinning from the impact, as you stared at him with widened eyes.

The two of you stared at each other, the awkward silence returning again.

Oh.

Oh.

Your stomach clenched, as your surprise turned to anger.

"And you just decided to tell me now?"

Sae didn't even stir under your hard gaze. He crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair, like he had all the time in the world to explain himself.

He didn't.

"I'm not asking for your permission." he deadpanned, his eyes lazily concentrated on the floor.

You stared at him, incredulous. "But that's not the point... Sae. You can't just drop this on me. Not after all of..." You looked around at your hospital room, the large space suddenly feeling confined and small. "This."

Sae's eyes flickered to the heart monitor beside your bed, the steady beeping a reminder of why you were here.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I didn't want to make things more complicated. You've got enough to deal with already."

"Complicated?" you repeated, your voice picking up it's pace as you slowly got more and more furious. "What's complicated is that you're always running off, Sae. You come back just long enough for us to think you care, and then you're gone again."

His jaw tightened, but he simply took a deep breath, his voice still as steady as ever. "It's not like I don't care. I just have other responsibilities."

"You mean football," you shot back, the bitterness in your voice impossible to hide. "Football first, family second."

Sae exhaled sharply, his frustration starting to show. "This isn't all about choosing football over you, and you know that."

"But what about us?" you demanded, your voice cracking. "What about Rin? Me? We're just supposed to sit here and watch you leave again?"

"Rin? He'll figure it out when I'm gone." He ran a hand through his hair, as he looked up at the hospital ceiling. "I'm leaving in a week. That's not going to change. But I'm here now. Isn't that enough?"

Sae paused for a moment, before he got up from his chair and swung his bag over his shoulder in a lazy motion. He stood still for a moment, his hand on his hip, blinking twice, his gaze on you, before sighing and turning around. Without another word, he headed towards the door, his footsteps quick as he reached for the door handle. But as he pulled it open, he froze.

Rin stood over him, plastic bags full of food in his hands as his eyebrows raised, then fell in obvious irritation.

Before either of them could speak, you broke the stillness, your voice firm despite the ache in your head.

"He's leaving again, Rin."

 ────୨ৎ────

≡;- ꒰ ° 05 - Like him.꒱

────୨ৎ────

The two didn't move an inch at first, as if held in their places by an invisible force. But then, Rin walked over to you, his stance softer than usual - slumped shoulders, loose arms... his eyes now drawn to the floor. It was normal for him to avoid attention, but this didn't feel as simple as that.

"I don't care." Rin muttered, but his voice shook in a way that felt so foreign.

He placed the bags on the small bedside table, his hands lingering on them for a moment before he straightened.

Behind him, Sae stood by the door, his hand on his hip, his eyebrows furrowed, but his expression stayed calm.

"I'll... see you when I see you."

Sae didn't wait for a response, he walked out of the door, slamming it with uncharacteristic force. Quiet encased the large room as you stared at Rin. He hadn't moved. His bangs obscured his pale face, but you knew him well enough to distinguish the sounds of his soft crying. It was an almost inaudible sound, the only indicator being the way his shoulders twitched.

And the way he covered his face - with his hands or shirt or hair.

"Rin-"

"Don't." he shot back, almost aggressively, his gaze still on the floor. But despite that, the tremble in his words hinted at the stark opposite. "Just don't."

You stared at him, watching as his fingers tightened into fists and his chest heaved with a shallow breath. His usual indifference, the mask he always wore, was cracking right in front of you.

"I don't care," he repeated, his voice a little louder this time, almost desperate. He blinked hard, his lips twitching as though he was trying to stop them from trembling. "Like I said, I don't care."

"Rin..."

He slammed his fist against his knee, his head jerking up as his gaze finally met yours. His eyes were wide, red around the edges as though he was holding back tears with sheer willpower.

"How can he just—" His voice broke, and he swallowed hard, forcing the next words out through gritted teeth. "How can he just leave like it's nothing? Like we're nothing?" His voice quivered with raw anger, making him have to look away from you. He paused again, trying to re-gain his composure.

"I don't care." he muttered, quieter this time, as he leaned forward, holding his head in his arms. "Because if I do, it just... it doesn't matter. He'll leave anyway."

You didn't know what to say. Rin, the man that was always indifferent, was now replaced by the boy in front of you who was struggling to keep it together.

"I don't care."  But as the tears slipped down his cheeks, the words felt like a lie—a desperate, futile attempt to protect himself from a wound that had already cut too deep.

Your brothers.

Two parallel lines, always running alongside each other but never meeting, no matter how hard you tried to bring them together. The wall between them was made of steel and stone and soccer—a fortress that no amount of hope or effort could ever tear down.

So why did you keep trying?

Your brothers.

You looked over at Rin, as hot burning tears started to run down your own cheeks as well. You looked at the one brother that stayed, the one that has went through the same grueling experience of loosing someone that was never really there.

Your brother.

────୨ৎ────

≡;- ꒰ ° 06 - I hope you answer.꒱

────୨ৎ────

You woke up to the sound of soft snoring next to you.

Craning your neck to the side, you saw Rin sat on the chair next to you, his head resting on the edge of your bed. It was early in the morning - that was obvious from the soft glow of sunlight that peeked through the curtains. The ringing in your head had subsided, now simply becoming a low whisper in your head, ever so quiet. It wasn't like Rin to sleep so much - usually, he was up and ready early in the morning.

But you decided not to stir him. It was endearing to see him rest this peacefully, in a way.

You turned your head back to the ceiling, about to close your eyes before you saw a shadow loom outside your door. Your brows fell heavy over your eyes as you squinted, trying to make out what it was.

"Hello?" you called out, the noise seemingly making the shadow disappear. You tilted your head, your curiosity getting the better of you as you slowly swung your legs over the bed.

Your bare feet hit the cold, marble floor as your hospital gown fell past your knees. Walking was unusually hard, but you slowly made your way to the door, the handle feeling just as cold as the floor under your feet.

Creak.

The first thing that you saw was red hair and a turned back, heading out of the door.

"Sae?" You called out. You didn't feel pressured to stop his departure, but a gut feeling told you that you should. "Where are you going?"

Sae paused, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"The gym." He responded, turning his head to you.

"Do you do this often? Spy on me, and then leave?" You asked, holding the door frame for support. This action didn't evade Sae's observant eyes, as he turned his body fully.

"You should go back to rest."

You frowned at the way he evaded the question, but he was right. Movement was making the soft whisper of a headache become much louder. But you stayed put, shaking your head indignantly.

"Do you need help, getting back to bed?" Sae asked, but before you could he walked over, sighing like you were a chore. He picked you up, one arm over your legs and the other supporting your back as he walked back into the hospital room. You didn't decide to protest, you knew better than further agitate the ache in your head. It had finally left you alone for once.

Sae placed you lightly on the bed next to Rin, so quiet that it didn't even wake Rin up. He looked at you again, before pulling down his sleeve to check his smartwatch

"It's 5:00 AM. You're not usually awake at this time." Sae stated, pulling his sleeve back up.

"I normally wake up earlier for training." you replied, a little offended that he didn't know.

He gave a slight shake of his head, like you'd missed the point. "No, I meant here. At the hospital."

You blinked at him, caught off guard. How did he know that? Your waking hours here had been a blur—something you hadn't exactly kept track of. The idea that he had noticed, let alone enough to comment on, made you pause.

"How often do you come?" you asked, tilting your head.

Sae didn't answer right away, and when he did, it was with the same practiced neutrality he wore like armor. "When I can."

That wasn't much of an answer, but it was more than you expected from him. You studied his expression for a moment, trying to piece together how often 'when I can' really was. More than you thought, clearly.

You shifted in the hospital bed, turning to face him fully. He met your gaze, but, as usual, said nothing further. Sae wasn't the type to fill silences without a reason.

"So," you ventured, breaking the stillness, "since you're going back to Spain soon, what's it like there?"

His posture eased slightly, though his voice remained as matter-of-fact as ever. "It's warm."

You raised an eyebrow. "That's all? Warm?"

He nodded.

Fair enough, you supposed. "What about your friends there?" you asked, hoping to keep the conversation going.

"I don't have any." he said curtly, as if stating a fact about the weather.

You nodded, not really sure what to say to that.

"Right."

The quiet crept back in, heavier now, so you busied yourself by fiddling with your fingers. Conversation wasn't going to come easily with Sae—but then again, you doubted it ever did.

But, you decided to perform one last attempt at salvaging the conversation. He was leaving soon, anyway, so it was better to use all the conversations you could ring out of him.

"Why is that? If you don't mind me asking." You continued.

Sae paused, his gaze going all over the place - the ceiling, the floor, the wall behind you. It seemed he was keen on avoiding the question. But under your persistent gaze, he finally gave up.

Sae left a long pause, as if finding his words. "They're not friendly. Not friendly to... people that aren't like them." He responded, his voice trailing off at the end of his sentence.

"What do you mean by that?" You asked, your voice dropping pitched as you shuffled forward.

He let out a long exhale, like the weight of the answer was too much to carry. "Figure it out yourself," he muttered. His tone wasn't sharp—if anything, it sounded resigned, like he was telling you the only answer he could manage.

Before you could respond, he turned on his heel, heading for the door with hurried steps.

"Sae, don't give me that answer." You called out, sitting up, but he kept walking. "Sae? Sae come back."

He hesitated for a moment, his hand gripping the door handle. For a brief second, you thought he might say something. But the moment passed, and the door clicked shut—quiet, but with a finality that felt heavier than any slam.

You stared at the empty doorway, fists curling in your lap. Why did he always do this? Shut you out just when you felt like you were getting close? You thought about chasing him down, but the ache in your legs—and the one in your chest—kept you rooted to the spot.

You looked over at Rin, but his body was more tense then you remembered, his shoulders raised and his hands balled into a fist over his forehead. You raised an eyebrow.

"Rin?"

No answer.

"Rin."

"Yeah?"

Your eyes widened as his eyelids rose. He raised his head abruptly, a guilty look on his face as he blinked twice. He tried to wear a neutral expression to cover his guilt, but the way his fingers fidgeted in his lap betrayed him. You couldn't blame him for eavesdropping - it was only human to be curious in something, more so when Sae was involved. So you simply sighed, falling back into your bed.

"I like to think that he cares." Rin spoke up.

You turned your head to look at him, startled by the admission. For a moment, you didn't know what to say.

"Me too," you said softly, a faint smile tugging at the corners of your lips. It wasn't much, but in the quiet that followed, it felt like the two of you understood each other better than ever before.

────୨ৎ────

≡;- ꒰ ° 07 - Fixed꒱

────୨ৎ────

Day by day you started getting better. It started with the ability to do simple tasks: running, jumping, even doing a few odd exercises here and there. The hurting in your head had reduced, sometimes not even noticeable, mirroring the aching in your limbs that had well departed.

Rin spent most of his time by your bedside, even managing to get his own little bed beside yours. Sae stayed a shadow outside your door, never coming any closer to coming in. Sometimes you'd see his shadow in the middle of the night, or even in the day – late at afternoon. But he didn't even make a sound, simply looming outside there like an unwanted guest.

Soon enough, you were dispatched from the hospital to your great delight, and as you stood outside it, the rain falling off your umbrella under blaring lights from shops, you savoured the fresh air again. It was a reward for enduring all this.

Rin walked up to the space beside you, silent for a few moments before he turned to you.

"Do you want to go to the shops, maybe get some food?" He asked. "It's your favourite thing to do."

You stayed silent for a few moments, your head turned to the sky.

"Of course I do." You answered, digging your hand into your bag to search for money you didn't have.

"It's fine – I'll pay." Rin observed, seeming to notice your lack of money. "I'll reward you since you're just out of hospital, but this is the last time."

Your eyebrow twitched into a slight frown, and you hoped he was only joking.

"I'll make sure to spend all your money."

"You better not."

But you started walking forwards instead, towards one of your favourite shops. You had been craving some clothes recently, and this was the perfect time to quench that thirst. The store's name cast it's white light down on you, the smell of rain disappearing as you entered the bustling boutique, Rin not too far behind you. You were overwhelmed by the amount of voguish clothes around you, each one brimming with expensive materials and trendy styling. You knew you had just walked into a fashion heaven, and you couldn't wait to spend all your money. Or Rin's.

You picked up a white tank top with red print at the top, and turned to Rin. He took one look at it and shook his head.

"No." He stated.

"Why not?"

"It looks horrible."

You raised your eyebrows at his bluntness, but you decided to put the thing down anyway. Since it was his money you were spending, it was at least courteous to take his opinion into consideration, but you were debating stopping that whole ordeal entirely. You picked up various other clothes, but Rin simply shook his head and shoved his hands into his pockets again.

"You're taking too long." He muttered as he turned down yet another clothing option.

"That's because you keep turning down all my options."

"They're all ugly, that's why." He added, before looking over at an atrocious pair of black jeans. "These ones are ok."

You looked back at him in confusion. To that, you didn't know whether to burst out laughing or scowl in disgust. So you simply stared at him, hoping he was joking.

But he started back with a blank expression, like you were the crazy one.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, it looks functional."

You would never be comfortable wearing that. You made a mental note to never trust your brothers' fashion senses. Or, at least his.

"I'll come back to it." You mused, deciding not to hurt his feelings by turning away and picking up another light pink shirt. To that he finally gave a small shrug, indicating that it was at least an acceptable option. You sighed of relief, tempted to get something else, but you too wanted to eat something. It seemed your dreams of going on a shopping spree was crushed by your moody brother, but you could at least eat without him saying a thing. So your steps were quick as you reached the till, placing the shirt on it.

"That would be 14,000 yen." The older lady at the till said.

Rin almost threw up next to you, turning towards you with a confused expression on his face.

"What? You said you'd give me a treat." You mused.

"Not when that treat is 72 pounds."

You gave him an innocent shrug.

"Go get another one." He said, turning away.

"What, why? This is the only one you like."

"I never said I liked it."

"Well it's obviously better than the other ones, since you didn't actually turn it down."

"There's better.. cheaper  options."

"Well I want this one."

"I'm not buying that for you."

"But I just came out of hospital and I'm sad and I'm tired. This would really cheer me up."

He paused, as his shoulders dropped, before he retrieved his credit card and reluctantly paid for the shirt, you trying to hold in a giggle from next to him. As the card went through (to his great disdain), you smiled and thanked him. He didn't say anything.

"I'm still really thankful, you know." You mentioned as the two of you were exiting the shop, consumed in the rain once again as you retrieved your umbrella. "It's a really nice top, and it won't go to waste. You see, if I wear it for 72 days, that's one pound for every day, so it'll practically cost nothing."

"That's definitely not how it works." He responded, already looking annoyed.

"It is. Trust me, you'd have practically spent nothing."

"So if I pay £90 for a piece of fish and then eat it over 90 days, I won't get salmonella?"

"Well, you'd have it for free."

"But I'd have salmonella. And then I'd have to pay for the hospital bill." Rin rolled his eyes.

"But if you stay at the hospital for the amount you paid for the hospital bill it won't cost anything." You said, confident you were right. "And it will be worth it because you get to sleep."

"I can sleep at home for free."

"You don't do much of that."

"I'd rather sleep and be healthy than sleep and be sick."

You sighed in a gesture of 'giving up', as you turned to a expensive looking restaurant. The frame of it's name was plaited in shining gold, the water running down it shimmering of moonlight. There were various different plants cascading down the sides of it in an amalgamate of red, green and purple. The smell of food overrun that of the rainwater – a mix of exotic ones you could not name. The opened, glass doors revealed a bustling restaurant with a dark theme; dark, purple, marble floors, dimmed lights, and various shades of gold on things like painting frames or bottom plates. Rin didn't seem to like the sight of it as much, but the two of you entered nonetheless, a skip in your step.

⋆˙⟡˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ୨୧

"The bill is 19,000 yen."

Rin bristled, then looked over at you again, stuffed with food that was long gone. You had definitely had a feast, eating a variety of different foods to your great delight. Rin hardly ate anything, on the other hand. So when the bill came, he was very clearly annoyed.

But he knew there was no turning back. You had managed to convince him not to check the price of anything, and it had most definitely worked. That was apparent when he retrieved his card again. And it was definitely a good sight.

After that, he didn't stay for much longer.

"Come on, [Y/N], let's leave."

You nodded and headed out alongside him, a laughable contrast between your gleeful attitude and his annoyed one. The two of you walked in silence to the bus stop under your separate umbrellas, since the rain hadn't diminished since.

The bus screeched to a stop in front of you both, its headlights cutting through the rain. Rin tapped his card without a word, though the glare he shot you afterward was loud enough.

"You really need to carry money," he muttered as you walked in behind him.

"Why?" you asked innocently, trailing after him down the aisle. "You're doing such a great job at it."

"That wasn't a compliment." he deadpanned, collapsing into the seat near the back.

The soft rumble of the engine filled the space as the bus pulled away from the curb, the windows quickly fogging up from the cold rain outside. You pressed your head to the cool glass, eyes following the streaks of city lights as they blurred past in patches of gold and red.

"I'm surprised you didn't make me wash dishes after that bill," you mused, eyes still on the drenched streets outside.

"You should've," Rin said flatly. "Might've actually taught you something."

A grin tugged at your lips. "Next time, I'll bring a calculator. Promise."

"If there's a next time." he grumbled.

Despite the sharpness of his words, you knew better—he didn't say no.

Silence crept back over the two of you, comfortable despite the storm raging outside. The bus rocked gently as it cut through the empty streets. You glanced at Rin out of the corner of your eye. His head tilted back against the seat, eyes half-closed in that familiar expression—tired, annoyed, but somehow steady.

"Thanks for tonight. I had fun."

He let out a soft exhale, somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. "I should've left you at the hospital."

But he didn't. And that said enough.

────୨ৎ────

≡;- ꒰ ° 08 - The Shining꒱

────୨ৎ────

You burst through the door of your house, the orange kitchen light illuminating the small living room. The only sound was the creak of the door, the emptiness caused by the absence of your parents. They were long gone to another country because of your father's work.

You strolled into the room, reveling in the fact it was a Thursday. By tradition, it was the day you and Rin would watch a movie, that movie always being handpicked by you. But this time, you decided you wanted to see what your brother watched, so as the two of you plopped down on the sofa, the TV turning on as the smell of vegetables, air freshener and warmth wafted into your nose, you decided to hand the remote to your brother.

He paused, raising an eyebrow before logging into the TV and going on the broadcasting app.

"Should we finish Attack on Titan? It's pretty good." he asked, flicking towards it.

"You should pick this time. Pick something new... and exciting."

To that, he paused and stared blankly forward. But then, he nodded.

"Well, I was planning to re-watch my favorite movie anyway." he muttered.

He flicked to a movie called 'The Shining', its tags containing 'horror' and such. You weren't exactly light-heated, but the age rating did worry you.

"Very age appropriate." You left a snarky comment, to which Rin gave a hefty sigh. But he turned it on nonetheless.

It started off suspenseful, but not particularly scary. But as the movie went on, you found yourself hugging your legs as Rin draped a heavy arm over your shoulder.

About halfway through the movie, at a particularly tense scene where Danny encounters the Grady twins, Rin suddenly bristled and got up, his face slightly trying to hide a smile.

"I'm going to go get popcorn, you can continue without me." He said, before heading over to the kitchen and opening the door.

You didn't say anything, simply sitting there as you waited for him to come back. But time passed, and the scene simply got more terrifying.

Rin finally returned, but just when the scene ended, with a stifled smirk on his face.

"Did I miss anything?"

You didn't respond, simply leaning against his shoulder as he sat down.

The movie went on, and it only got even more scary. At another scene, you screamed alongside the woman as a knife dug through the wall, a piercing scream that made Rin wince and push you off.

"God damn, it's not that scary..." he said, holding his hands to his ears.

You simply stared back at the TV, burying your face into your legs to drown out the movie. You then got up, you had enough of this.

"I'm going to bed."

"You're just scared, you coward."

"How do you even watch this shit?"

"It's interesting."

You simply stormed up the stairs, huffing as you threw the bathroom door open, washing your face and changing into comfortable night clothes. But you doubted you could fall back asleep after that, so you read your favorite book to help you get your mind off the movie. The TV still went off downstairs, Rin was undoubtedly still watching it, and you didn't think he was going to stop any time soon.

As you settled into bed, pulling the sheets over your body, you sighed and sleep caught you early.

⋆˙⟡˚₊‧꒰11:34PM - 9:56AM꒱‧₊˚

As morning finally broke through the haze of restless sleep, you slowly opened your eyes to the soft glow of daylight sneaking through the curtains. The house was quiet now—, just the gentle hum of the refrigerator and the distant sound of traffic awakening outside. You swung your legs over the edge of the bed and let your feet meet the cool, hardwood floor.

With a determined sigh, you made your way down the narrow hallway and descended the stairs more briskly than usual. The sound of the TV going off met your ears, and as you went down the last step, you were met by a hilarious sight.

Rin was still in front of the TV, he'd probably stayed up all night watching movies, but he had one bare foot against the table in front of the sofa, and the other on the ground. He held a pillow, which he threw at the TV in an angry motion, the pillow bouncing off it and landing on the ground. He looked quite mad at the TV - or the characters in it. But he seemed to sense your gaze, as he turned his head to look at you, before rubbing the back of his neck and looking down, sitting back in the sofa. You burst into laughter, to which Rin's shoulders rose.

"What could possibly have you so mad?" You said, peering at the television.

"I'm not -"

"Don't even try to deny it." You interrupted, as you sauntered over to the kitchen. It was a warm, sunny day, and the smell of vegetables seemed to have went. You debated making something actually good or just a quick snack. You chose the latter, opening the drawer and getting out some toast. That was when you felt the table shaking, caused by Rin's phone ringing next to you.

"Who is it?" Rin called out.

You didn't know, as the number wasn't even saved, like all the numbers on Rin's phone. Somehow he managed to remember all of them.

"It's an unkown number-"

"Block the number."

But you decided to pick up, pressing the call button as you held the phone up to your ear.

"Rin! You finally picked up, took you long enough." The voice of a teenage boy spoke from the other side of the phone. "Have you thought about it yet?"

You didn't respond for a few seconds.

"Sorry, it's not Rin on the phone. I'm his sister, [Y/N]."

You saw Rin sit up and turn to you, before his face contorted in surprise.

The person on the other side of the phone was silent for a minute, before finally responding.

"Oh, I think he's told us something about you. I'm Isagi, by the way, and we were trying to convince him to go on an outing with some people at Blue Lock. Maybe you would be better at that." The boy on the other side said, his voice turning jollier. But Rin had already gotten up, stalking over to you.

"Really? That sounds so fun, we'll definitely be coming!" You smiled, looking at Rin smugly as his face turned to one of anger.

"That's great! Well, we'll be meeting at 3:00, I'll send you to detail-" That's when Rin grabbed the phone, and before you could react he cut off.

"What was that for!?" You protested.

"I should be asking you that! What were you thinking just picking up the call?"

"I was definitely thinking straight, I had no idea you were ignoring your friends."

"I have better things to do than hang out with some nobodies."

"That's not true, they're trying to be nice!"

"I don't need anyone to be nice to me, it makes me sick."

"That's not healthy at all! That's it, we're going."

"No we're not."

"Yes we are."

"No we're not." Rin's voice raised a little but so did yours.

"Yes we are."

"Go by yourself."

"No, you're coming with me."

"I'm not."

You sighed, looking down and leaning against the table. Rin stared back at you, but his tightened brows relaxed a little.

"You really should, you know. Sae said he doesn't have any friends, but I think you're better than that."

Rin's brows tightened again, but not in annoyance.

"Fine then. But don't expect me to enjoy it."

You instinctively jumped up and wrapped your arms around him in joy. He tensed at first, but he gave you a light pat on the back in return.

"You will, trust me."

────୨ৎ────

≡;- ꒰ °09 - Teammates꒱

────୨ৎ────

The night came and went, and soon enough you were getting ready to meet Rin's friends. It was relishing to see that one of your brothers actually had friends, even if Rin only called them 'teammates' (or more often 'half-baked' or 'lukewarm'). You brushed your [H/C] hair in front of the mirror, before taking a look at the time.

1:02

You sighed and opened your door, before knocking on your brothers'. He didn't answer, but you could hear video game music coming from inside.

"Rin, if we don't leave now we're gonna be late." You sighed. Something told you that was what he wanted.

"Alright." Was all of his response.

You sighed and headed down the stairs, slipping your shoes on as a way to try and shift the energy to make him hurry up.

⋆˙⟡˚₊‧꒰01:02PM – 01:07PM꒱‧₊˚

That's it. You'd had enough.

You stormed upstairs, your feet making each stair creak a little. You pulled the door open, Rin jumping in his seat before you grab a fistful of his hair.

"What are you doing!?" he exclaimed, as you managed to drag him out of his seat, albeit a struggle.

"You agreed to go to their meeting place, what is this?"

"I never said I wanted to go!"

"Okay, but you agreed to. So let's get on the train, you've been ready for ages."

He sighed and stood up, dusting himself off.

"Look. You've got my clothes dirty." He muttered

"You just hoovered the floor."

"Still, germs."

"For God's sake, can we go?"

You walked out of the door, heading downstairs and waiting on Rin. He came down eventually, an annoyed expression on his face. You hadn't seen that expression in a long time, even though he wore it like a medal.

The two of you walked out of the door and into the sunny streets. A pang of guilt hit you as you frowned, but the familiar, green road calmed you. The stroll was fairly peaceful, the only sound being that of trees rustling, the sound of children in the park as you passed by, and birds chirping.

But that was before the two of you descended into the underground train station. It was filled with noise from various things: a female voice from the PA speaker talking in Japanese, various different conversations that faded in and out of the background, shouts and explanations from tour guides in English, the whole lot. Thankfully, your train arrived quick enough, and as you and Rin found chairs, you already felt tired.

On the brink of sleep, your mind blurry, you decide to let out a few last sleepy sentences.

"Hey, Rin."

"What?"

"I'm sorry for pulling your hair. I was just so happy that you made friends, and I wanted to meet them."

Silence.

"I don't need you to look out for me."

But you were already drifting asleep. As your mind fogged over, you managed to catch one last thing.

"But thank you, anyway."

⋆˙⟡˚₊‧꒰01:42PM – 02:30PM꒱‧₊˚

"We're here, [Y/N]." a soft voice spoke from above you. But as you stayed put, the voice got louder and harsher, as Rin lightly started pushing you off him. "We're going to be left behind if we don't leave, get up already."

You finally got up, looking around you. Indeed, the train was nearly vacant. So you quickly got up, Rin leading you out of the train door.

As the two of you exited the subway, you were almost blinded by the hot afternoon lights of Shibuya. You held a hand to your forehead, as the smell of bakery, lychee and mild sweat filled your nose. People bustled past you, large grey buildings held giant billboards that advertised skincare brands, underneath being various shops: clothing, food, cosmetics, essentials, and a bowling alley.

"Where did they send the location? Can't find it." Rin murmured, getting out his phone.

"There! 'Love You Bowling Alley'." You exclaimed, pointing in the direction of it.

"We're pretty early." Rin said.

"Better early than late." You responded

"Better late than never." He rebutted, as the two of you headed over.

When you finally entered, you saw a group of boys standing around an arcade game. They were around Rin's age.

It seemed like the people in Blue Lock liked to be early.

"Yo, Rin. I thought you'd ditch us last minute!" A blue-haired boy held up a hand and walked over, to which Rin wafted away and walked forward. But Isagi didn't mind.

"And you're his sister, huh?" he raised an eyebrow. "So, you actually talked him into it?"

"Sure did. You muttered, before following behind Rin. There were 3 other boys  there already: A short boy with yellow hightlights and big, gleeful eyes, a white haired boy with a green strand off his bangs, and a tall boy with thick eyebrows and spiky, dark-purple hair that matched his purple eyes.

They all reacted differently to you, the yellow-haired one gave you a big wave, the green-haired one shoved his hands into his pockets and raised his eyebrows in a form of greeting, while the purle-haired shot you a calm smile and bowed slightly.

"That's Bachira," Isagi walked up behind you while Rin found a wall to lean against. "And there's Karasu and Otoya."

He pointed to them, each of them waving in turn.

You frowned as Rin put in some wired earbuds, but your attention was soon averted as you felt warm hands on yours. It was Bachira, who had managed to travel the distance between you in a matter of seconds. He was shaking your hand like it was some kind of Olympic sport.

"You're Rin's sister, right?" He said, big eyes staring into yours. "Do you also glare people into submission?"

"Is he this sour at home? Blink twice if you need to be rescued." Otoya chimed in. "You know, if you get too stressed you might get wrinkles. We won't want those all over your pretty face."

"Well... he's not that bad. He does all the cleaning." You replied.

Otoya gave an almost disgusted look.

Bachira seemed occupied with looking at the arcade games, sauntering over to the place. "Mario Kart... cool."

"An arcade game does seem fun." Isagi muttered, before turning to the rest of you. "What do you all think? Should we play?"

Rin didn't respond, occupied with his phone. Karasu gave a curt nod, and smiled respectfully. Otoya gave two thumbs up, before heading to where Bachira was sitting in front of the screen. He was enthusiastically 'playing' the game, even though no coins had been inserted, and the actual thing on the screen was very obviously a pre-made video.

"God, the game is not even turned on." Otoya said, lazily getting out his wallet. But just as he was about to do so, Karasu slipped a coin in himself, the game starting as Bachira smiled.

"You move criminally slowly." Karasu smirked at Otoya, who rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"Outta my way, peasants! King Bachira's coming through!" Bachira shouted at the other players in the game, before his own slipped on a banana and dropped from 5th to 19th.

"You're doing amazingly." Otoya gave a slow clap.

"19th!?" Isagi said, smiling jokingly. "I mean... "

By the end, he had come dead last, to the disappointment of the others. But it had definitely passed time, because through the door came a purple-haired, thick eyebrowed boy, who was carrying a white-haired boy on his back while he played a game on his controller.

"Reo! Nagi!" Isagi waved them over.

"Hey, Isagi, long time no see." Reo said evenly. "Bowling, huh? Great choice."

"Don't get too excited, we're not starting for 6 minutes." Otoya walked up behind Isagi. "Just relax and play arcade games with us."

So Reo walked up to them, until Nagi suddenly pointed to the Pacman game.

"Mmm... looks easy. I'll play." He said, before getting down and walking over anyway, like a toddler taking their first steps.

Karasu walked over, smirking and inserting a coin.

"You're so lazy, it's mediocre." He said, stepping back.

"Effort's a pain."  Nagi replied, as the game started up.

And then, in the most Nagi way possible, he breezed through the game like it was nothing. His fingers moved lazily over the controls, barely putting in effort, his face in a lazy deadpan look, yet the little yellow dot on the screen never missed a beat.

"Is there anything you're not good at?" Isagi muttered, the score board increasing at an abnormal speed.

Karasu crossed his arms, unimpressed. "Yeah. Putting in actual effort."

Just as Nagi was about to clear another level, the entrance door swung open again.

"Oh, they're all here already." The automatic doors slowly slid apart, revealing two imposing figures. The first one was a guy with long, pink-red hair tied into a side braid, and right behind him, like a damn tank, was a tall, red-eyed boy with long black hair that almost touched his shoulders.

"You guys live way too close to each other." Isagi said, raising an eyebrow. "You come together every time."

"We literally do, dumbass," Barou scoffed. "I don't see the point in taking separate routes when we're both heading to the same place."

Bachira glanced at the group. "So, what are we doing now? Let's hurry up so I can crush you all!"

"Talk big after you win, pretty boy." Otoya grinned.

Nagi let out a long sigh, finally acknowledging the new arrivals. "Ugh. You guys are so loud..." He turned back to the game. "Lemme just finish this."

Barou rolled his eyes and walked toward the counter. "Eugh. Games for children."

Karasu snickered. "Yeah? Then what's that on your phone, King? Candy Crush?"

"Shut the hell up."

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

The dim, neon lights of the bowling alley illuminated the lanes. The distinct smell of fried food hung in the air, almost as loud as the sound of pins knocking over.

Rin finally peeled himself off the wall, hands stuffed into his pockets as he trailed behind the others. He made no effort to engage, but at least he was moving now. That was a start.

Reo was the first to stride ahead, scanning the available lanes before clapping his hands together. "Alright! We're taking lanes five and six. Let's get set up."

"Damn, took you long enough to find a spot." Barou muttered, adjusting the sleeves of his hoodie before marching toward the counter to collect his shoes. "This better not be a waste of time."

"Oh no, the King might actually have to socialize." Otoya teased, snickering as he elbowed Chigiri, who rolled his eyes in return.

Barou shot him a glare. "You better watch your mouth before your head becomes a bowling ball."

Bachira, already lacing up his shoes, grinned. "I wanna see that. Sounds like fun."

Meanwhile, Nagi had made a beeline for the seating area and plopped down with a sigh, looking utterly drained. "Bowling is a pain." he mumbled, leaning against the ball return machine.

"You haven't even played yet!" Reo shot back, tossing a pair of bowling shoes at him. "You should put those on."

Nagi caught them without looking, sighing dramatically. "I actually don't wanna do this."

Chigiri, who had been silent up until now, finally spoke, sighing, his voice quiet and reserved. "I haven't done bowling in a long time. But I think I'll still be alright."

Isagi let out a small laugh as he punched in everyone's names on the screen. "Alright, let's see if any of us actually know what we're doing."

Rin didn't even bother to sit with them, seeming content with leaning against the railing a few feet away. He wasn't going to say anything. Not to them. Not tonight.

Still, he stayed.

Reo enthusiastically volunteered to go first, grabbing a ball and rolling his shoulders, still confident under the scrutinising, judgemental glares of the other blue lock boys. With a smooth motion, he sent it down the lane. A clean hit, nine pins toppled over.

"Damn, almost a strike." Isagi commented.

"Almost isn't good enough," Reo smirked, lining up for his spare. He flicked the ball with precision, knocking down the last pin. "And that's how you do it."

Barou scoffed. "Move aside. Let me show you what real power looks like."

He purposefully picked the heaviest ball out of all of them, before cracking his neck like he was about to fight and sending it down the lane. It slammed into the pins with an earth-shaking crash, sending each last one down.

"Pathetic," Barou sneered. "That's the bare minimum."

Chigiri rolled his eyes, before grabbing his own ball. He took a graceful shot, the ball gliding down the lane in a straight line before crashing into the pins.

Strike.

But he didn't boast about it. Instead, he simply silently walked back into place, his expression a solemn, calm one.

"Not bad, princess." Karasu drawled. He sauntered up, rolled his ball, and somehow managed to send it careening into the gutter.

He blinked, then shrugged. "That was on purpose."

"Bullshit." Barou said.

Bachira was already grabbing his ball. "My turn! Let's see if I can make the ball do a flip!"

"That's not how bowling works." Barou groaned.

"You're no fun."

As the game played itself out, the group settled into a rhythm of taunts, laughter, and respect for those who managed to actually play well.

You stepped up for your turn, gripping the bowling ball tightly as you lined up your shot. With a smooth motion, you released it, watching as it rolled down the lane, curving ever so slightly before knocking down almost all the pins.

"Nearly a strike!" Isagi cheered.

"Just one more left, [Y/N]." Bachira grinned, rocking back on his heels.

Feeling confident, you grabbed another ball, determined to clean up the spare. You took a step forward, aimed carefully, and—

Your foot slipped.

Before you could even process what was happening, you were already toppling forward, flailing slightly as you lost your balance. The ball barely made it down the lane, and you ended up sprawled across the polished floor.

For a moment, there was silence. Then—

Laughter erupted.

Bachira was practically howling, clutching his stomach. "Pfft—That was amazing!" he cackled. "Style points for the landing!"

Otoya was leaning against the ball return, smirking. "That was the most entertaining thing I've seen all day."

Even Chigiri chuckled, though he quickly covered his mouth with his hand to stifle it.

But Karasu was suddenly standing above you, holding out a hand for you to take. "You alright? That seemed like a bad fall."

You were surprised by the concern in his expression and the quiet way he approached the situation. Without hesitation, you took his hand, grateful for the unexpected kindness.

"Well, thanks," you said, feeling a wave of warmth from the genuine gesture.

Once you were standing, Karasu gave you a nod, his eyes glancing around at the others briefly. There was no mockery or condescension in his manner.

He simply gave a small, comforting smile. "Glad you're okay."

You nodded and smiled, before turning to the rest of the Blue Lock boys.

"So that was funny?" you said, brushing yourself off, talking to the rest of the boys. "Fine. I challenge every one of you to a showdown."

"If you want to embarrass yourself further, be my guest." Barou scoffed, cracking his knuckles.

With that, the game became something else entirely—a full-blown competition, each player now determined to outdo the others.

You took a deep breath, shaking off the laughter ringing in your ears. With determination burning in your eyes, you grabbed another ball, ignoring the amused glances exchanged between the boys.

"I hope you are all watching."

With a steady movement, you sent the ball down the lane. It curved slightly, heading straight for the remaining pins. The others leaned in, watching closely as the ball neared its target—

Spare.

"Ha!" you turned around, victorious. "It's a spare."

Bachira clapped dramatically. "Wow, so cool! You totally redeemed yourself."

"I don't think that is unredeemable." Barou cut in.

⋆˙⟡˚₊‧꒰03:27PM – 04:10PM꒱‧₊˚

Standing outside the bowling alley, the sun hanging bright at the top of the sky, you smiled at your win. You had managed to have a comeback – coming 1st out of all the boys, to their great displeasement.

Underneath you in ranking was Barou, Chigiri, Reo, Nagi, Otoya, Isagi, Karasu and Bachira. Barou was beyond pissed at the fact he had merely missed the first place stand, and that was shown by the way he clenched his fists outside the door, his jaw set.

"You look so mad, Barou." You pointed out. "Somehow even more mad than usual."

"Shut up. First place is meaningless in a sport this stupid."

"This is real sore-looser behavior."

"Stop making shit up, I'm not a sore-looser."

"Of course you're not." You laughed, walking forwards while Bachira turned around and pointed to a café just in front of the Bowling Alley.

"Eat! Eat! We should eat!" He exclaimed, bouncing up and down.

"That serves, I'm starved." Nagi muttered, now on Reo's back again.

"From what? I don't see you wasting much energy." Chigiri muttered.

"Eat! Eat! Eat!" Bachira's chant cut above all of theirs, his hands balled into raising and falling fists.

"I agree, I'm also hungry." You said, leading the way across a busy road. The boys followed, Bachira running up in front of you and jumping excitedly in the air. Rin hung at the back of the group, drawn to his phone with his earbuds in.

Reo ran with Bachira, Nagi still on his back, as he made a beckoning gesture. "Well, I'm not waiting either."

"Race you!!" Bachira said, before zooming off. Reo looked confused for a minute, but eventually took up the challenge, his legs working to sprint off fast. Bachira crashed into the door, swinging it open. But his legs flew up, flailing for a moment before he fell face first, Reo pointing and hysteric with laughter.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

"JUST PASS THE SAUCE ALREADY!" Barou lunged forward at a teasing Bachira, who stuck a tongue out and yanked his hand back.

You were sitting at a large table with the rest of the boys, and as the food finally arrived a chaotic scene played out in front of you.

"Stop talking, I can't eat with so much noise." Karasu groaned, as Otoya laughed.

"I don't think that's their problem."

With a small shake of the table, Barou finally snatched the sauce from Bachira, who sighed and crossed his arms.

"Boo, you're no fun." He said.

You were peacefully eating you [Fav food] in between Rin and a wall, Rin peacefully eating his chazuke, seeming quite content with just that.

"Is this your group of friends?" You asked.

"They're just teammates." He responded, deadpan.

"For real? Well, it wouldn't be a shame if they were friends, y'know. They seem fun."

"I WON!!" Reo exclaimed, as Otoya shrugged and sighed, his hand balled into a fist over an open palm. Reo reached for the entire bowl of prawns on the spinning platform.

"I lost on purpose so you wouldn't feel bad." Otoya smirked and shrugged his shoulders.

"Aren't ninjas meant to be good at rock paper scissors?" Isagi mused.

"What does that have to do with anything."

You turned back to Rin, smiling. "They're a little funny if you pick the right moments."

Rin shook his head, but you knew that face. It was the face he put on when he was stifling a smile. "They're really not."

You reached for another bite of your food, watching the chaos unfold around you with an entertained smirk. Bachira was still pouting about Barou taking the sauce, Karasu was balancing a chopstick on his finger like it was some kind of sacred art, and Chigiri looked about two seconds away from launching his bowl at someone's head.

Rin, on the other hand, was eating his chazuke in complete silence, his focus entirely on his meal. You took a moment to observe him—the way he deliberately ignored the noise, the slight furrow of his brow like he was actively choosing not to acknowledge the disaster surrounding him.

Then, a thought hit you. A dumb one.

You leaned in slightly, voice dead serious.

"Rin."

"What?"

You cleared your throat, your voice going as deep as possible, you even ran a hand through your hair to look just like him.

"Is this what you call football? Seems like trash to me."

Rin looked away, covering his mouth with a balled fist as his mouth twitched. You didn't expect to make him laugh in the slightest, but when you heard a snicker, you know you couldn't stop.

"You are all playing at school-level shit."

That really got him, his head flew back as he started laughing, the entire table going silent, staring. A rare smile appeared on his face – as he seemed to be having a fit of laughter.

"Oh my god, it wasn't that funny!" But you couldn't help but laugh as well, laying your head on the table.

"I didn't think he could do that." You heard Chigiri's voice above you.

"OH MY GOD—" Isagi wheezed, gripping his stomach.

"That's way too good—" Karasu wiped fake tears from his eyes.

"Woah. We need to take a picture – this is, like, a really rare sight." Otoya.

"It's like finding a rare animal in the wild."

"Stop laughing, idiot! We might have to kick you out of the 'emotionally constipated' club." Otoya.

Chigiri simply observed the entire thing silently, his face seeming indifferent.

But Rin couldn't stop. He leaned against you as he carried on laughing hysterically.

"Someone get a doctor—he might be having a stroke." Karasu said.

"This is amazing! We actually got him to laugh!" Bachira was now standing up.

Chigiri pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sit down, Bachira. It wasn't us; it was her."

"In any case, this is a good luck charm!" Reo said, now chuckling himself. "Let him have a good laugh – it's not like he does it often."

So the two of you managed to have fits of laughter for a good 20 seconds, before Rin finally got a hold of himself.

"I don't know why I'm laughing; it wasn't even funny." Rin sighed, his smile still there.

"Me neither! I guess I'm really a comedian. I should sign up." You chuckled.

"You should, so I can come and throw tomatoes at you when you're performing."

And there was another fit of laughter.

⋆˙⟡˚₊‧꒰04:35PM – 04:57PM꒱‧₊˚

You waved the boys off as you left the restaurant, the rest of them still bubbly and chatting. It was a sad sight to have to leave, but you couldn't miss your train, so you and Rin descended the stairs.

Rin walked beside you, hands in his pockets, his posture relaxed but silent. The chaotic energy from dinner still lingered in the back of your mind, but now, with just the two of you, everything felt calmer.

You stole a glance at him. He was staring straight ahead, his usual deadpan expression back in place, like the laughter from earlier had never happened.

But you knew better.

"Rin."

He sighed, already bracing himself. "God, not another joke."

You chuckled, shaking your head. "No, I just wanted to say... I'm glad you laughed."

Rin didn't respond immediately. He just kept walking, the gentle sound of your steps filling the brief silence.

"You have a nice laugh, you know," you continued.

His head tilted slightly—barely noticeable, but enough for you to catch it.

"...I do?"

You hummed in confirmation. "Mhm. It makes me so happy when you do laugh."

Another silence, but this time, it wasn't heavy. If anything, it felt... warm. Familiar.

Rin exhaled through his nose, almost like a quiet laugh. "...Well. Thanks. You too."

The two of you stepped onto the station platform just as your train arrived. The night stretched ahead, peaceful and steady, but something about this moment—this rare, quiet moment with Rin—made it feel like home.

────୨ৎ────

≡;- ꒰ °10 - Ruined opportunities꒱

────୨ৎ────

"We're sorry to say that you did not win the competition due to the failed flip, but you did place high, and the judges were very amazed."

Silence followed, before you simply cut off, sighing. You didn't expect to win the gymnastics competition anyway, but the fact that it was now blatantly said hurt a little. You put down the phone, deciding to look out of the window of your room as you sulked on your chair.

You weren't devastated, but it wasn't a good thing either. Of course, there was a competition next year, with the same promises to go worldwide, but you had been preparing for so long.

You sighed again, as something wet suddenly ran down your cheeks.

You didn't understand why you were crying at all. You supposed it was the let down of something that you never thought was going to happen in the first place. You were about to wipe your tears away and sign up for next year's competition early, when you heard a knock on the door.

"Don't come in." You said, but your voice wavered.

There was silence for a few seconds, as Rin's voice finally rose. "Are you crying?"

You couldn't answer – you decided you didn't want to give one. You simply held your head in your hands, trying to wipe away new coming tears. You didn't understand yourself – why you were feeling so defeated suddenly. But as new, unrelated thoughts travelled into your mind, the tears only stung.

You heard the door open slowly, making your head jerk up, before fast footsteps ran up to you.

"[Y/N]? You're crying." Rin muttered, crouching down next to you. He held a worried, confused look, his eyebrows upturned. His mouth moved like he was trying to say something, but no words arrived. You knew your brothers weren't good at comforting people in the slightest, so you simply let silence rest between the two of you. You rested your head in your hands again.

You feel a warm hand on your back, rubbing it. But no words. You could only imagine that Rin was also confused, and stressed for what to say, but him just being there was enough.

Eventually you managed to calm yourself, raising your head.

"Are you... alright?" Rin asked.

"Mhm. I'm fine. I don't even know why I'm crying." You chuckled weakly and leaned back. Rin simply stared at you and sat on your bed, his eyes bigger and more sparkly than usual. He stayed with you for a bit, staring sometimes, his eyes on the floor the others. He knew that you weren't fine, but like always, he simply allowed his presence to be a soother. That's how he comforted you, simply being there. It worked for you. That's exactly what you wanted.

Your thoughts wandered back. To the competition, to the hours you spent working for it, to your hopes and dreams of going worldwide, to sport in general, to football specifically...

To Sae.

That bastard. You suddenly felt yourself growing angry, so you simply got up.

"Thanks, Rin." You said as you walked out the door. Rin's head jerked up, his eyes going wide as they followed you to the door that closed shut. You decided you were going to practice in the normal place you would – the gymnastics academy's spare room.

It was a fairly far away so you decided you'd take the bus.  You simply slipped your shoes on and went. The clothes you were wearing were comfortable enough, so you didn't need to do much else. The stroll to the bus stop was quiet and peaceful, same with boarding the bus. You simply scanned your card in and followed to the back of the bus, sitting near the window and looking out of it woefully. It was a long bus journey.

When you got there, you stepped out of the bus, looking at the tall academy. You didn't know why the defeated feeling still resided in you, the feeling that made it impossible to smile. Emptiness, that was the best word for it.

As you entered, the cheery receptionist was about to greet you, but you cut her off instead.

"[Y/N] Itoshi." You stated, as the receptionist nodded and typed on the computer.

"All the rooms on the top floor are free." She said.

You knew that already. Of course, your favorite room was always free, as you had pretty much claimed it as your own.

You headed to the elevator and clicked the button. The door opened immediately, and you calmly entered, the elevator departing as the doors closed.

Ding.

The doors opened again, and you exited it, turning to and opening the first door on the left. But as it creaked open, you realized you weren't alone.

The first thing you saw was red hair and a gym bag.

"Sae? What are you doing here?"

He turned around, seemingly startled, his eyebrows raised, before they dropped.

"You're dismissed from hospital? That was quick." He said, ignoring your question.

"Yeah... but what are you doing here?" You responded. You're not about to let him brush away your questions again.

Sae's eyebrows twitched downward, an indicator that he did not enjoy his current predicament. He thought hard before answering. "I thought you may be here."

He looked away, as if embarrassed. It won't be unusual for him to feel that way – you knew his pride was almost boundless.

"I thought you'd left already."

Sae turned slightly, then fully toward you, eyes narrowed like he was... confused? No, you couldn't read his expression.

"I'm not going for another 2 damn weeks." He paused, his voice dropping. "You don't sound like you care much."

That comment caught you slightly off guard.

"What? I mean... you never sound like you care much about me either."

Sae froze, his body going visibly stiff. You didn't understand why he froze, but his head bowed down. He didn't say anything for a few hot seconds, before his voice came out smaller than before.

"I extended the date I would be flying back." Is all he said. But you gauged as much as you could from that sentence.

Reading between the lines, one could say he was trying to say he wanted to spend more time with you, in his own shitty way. He had never been a master at words, so reading between the lines was all you ever did with him. And those gaps told you he...

Cared?

"Why was that?" You said. You contemplated adding your next sentence, but before Sae could say anything, you blurted it out in the moment. "Don't you put football first?"

You saw Sae take a deep breath as you said that, freezing again. After a while he started gripping the strap of the gym bag he was holding, before suddenly putting it on the floor and rummaging through it. You knew what he was doing – he was distracting himself from the reality of this situation. He did this in difficult situations all the time, because he couldn't physically come to terms with himself. You hated it.

"I did it because... I needed to organize myself." He responded, his voice even smaller.

"Bullshit." Your voice raised, becoming more desperate. "You had been organizing for it weeks before hand. You're not tricking any-"

"Shut the fuck up." The words came out quiet, but loud in how cold they were. You paused in surprise. Sae never swore at you. But you had never swore at Sae either, to be honest.

Silence lingered for a second.

Then two.

Then four.

Then eight.

Then a minute had passed, and no one had said anything more, until you finally decided you would speak up.

"What do you mean by that?"

"It means..." His voice wavered a little, something completely foreign to you. "If you want to cut me off, then go ahead. It's not like I can blame you."

"I never said I wanted to cut you off Sae."

"And I tried to tell you that I feel the same but... you don't listen."

You froze too. "How was I supposed to listen to words you weren't saying?"

"I said it. Loud and clear, [Y/N]."

A lump appeared deep in your throat as he said those words, making you shake your own being, trying to understand the situation.

He was right.

But he was so wrong.

You had always had to read between the lines, but the words were there. They seemed in genuine, a sentence put together for pleasure. But did he mean it? Was he trying to say that he loved you?

But he left you. Or... he was going to. He did it many times. How could he expect you to believe him this time?

...

The Itoshi genes were strong, you supposed. You too were just like your brothers, unable to express anything important properly, jumping to the conclusion that you were being undermined, letting your pride get in the way of relationships.

It was a habit that you weren't aware of until now, it opened up the reason you cried when the call came in.

You hated loosing.

And that put you on the same level as your brothers.

Your emotions made you label Sae as a villain, as someone who left you and Rin. That much was true. But the sickening truth was that you too were pushing him away in the last weeks you two  had together, all when he had been trying to tell you that he loved you. You couldn't see him saying that because if you did, it would prove that he's not the villain you saw him as. It would prove you were wrong.

And as you came to terms with that, you finally saw him.

Sae.

Your brother.

Bad with words.

Good with balls.

Bad at understanding.

Good at loving.

Bad at making things work.

Good at trying.

Bad at relationships

Good at being a brother.

You walked forward, wallowing in your own broken pride. You were wrong. And you had to own up to that.

"I'm... sorry Sae." Your voice was but a squeak. You hated apologising.

Sae turned around slightly, just enough to hide his face. But he didn't respond.

"I think... I know you care, even if you're shit at showing it." You continued. Sae now turned his head the other direction, like he was trying to avoid your face.

"And I'm too prideful. I saw you as a horrible brother, and didn't convince myself otherwise. But you're not. You care, right?"

All you needed was an answer.

A definite one.

Sae bowed his head even more, as if contemplating.

"I... do."

That was more than what you needed. You ran up to him and jumped on him in an embrace, making you both fall onto the ground with a thump. Sae stayed put for a few seconds, before turning around. He looked shocked. But his face was finally in view.

And on it were watery eyes and dried tears.

You didn't expect him to cry. You had never seen him cry. Ever. So this was an unusual sight. He looked hurt, but hopeful. Sad, but relieved. At peace, some may call it. He looked up at you, before his expression went back to a stoic one, as he disguised wiping tears as rubbing his eyes.

"I don't understand why you did that."

"Because I'm happy you said that. I really am."

Sae looked at you again, a slightly annoyed expression on his face. But he sighed after, his arms swinging back and behind his head on the floor.

"You keep me up at night sometimes. All the time, [Y/N]." He muttered, a sentence that warmed your heart.

"What about... what about Rin?" You asked. Sae paused, his eyebrows falling as if he was thinking hard. He looked almost confused, at himself maybe? But then he closed his eyes.

"He's moody." He started.

A very strong start.

"He's fine at soccer. And then he's quiet. Determined, maybe. But he's my brother. And he used to admire me. So sometimes I feel like I may have been too harsh."

You nodded. You didn't know what to say now, the words evaded you. "He still admires you. You know, he got his favourite words from you."

"Which are?"

"Lukewarm. Half-baked."

Sae sighed and shook his head. "So he really does admire me that much."

You laughed, trying to lighten the mood. "He does."

It was only a warm, comfortable silence from then on. The two of you didn't say anything. You didn't need to.

Enough words had been said. Enough confirmations.

You understood yourself now. Sae too.

────୨ৎ────

≡;- ꒰ °11 - Family Reunion꒱

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You went home in the car with Sae, watching as the sun started to set back into the crevices of earth. On some eyes, it would look like you two had healed your relationship with one truthful chat. You wouldn't disagree. The relieved feeling you suddenly felt wouldn't either. Another comfortable silence rested in the car, not like the one that pierced the air in the drive toward your competition.

You arrived back at your parents' house, inside the lights turned on. You thought about how Rin would react to Sae coming over. It took too much convincing to make Sae even drive here.

"But Sae, you do need to repair your relationship with him. Even more than you needed to repair ours."

"Me coming over is going to make things worse."

"Things can't possibly get worse. He's hurt, Sae."

"... I'm not doing all the talking."

"That's fine."

A conversation you remember having with Sae, right before the two of you entered the car. You knew Rin would probably have a heart attack upon seeing him, but you also knew it was needed. The Itoshi Brothers were hurt, and you were determined to fix that. To make them look beyond soccer. To give them the gift of balancing personal life and work life.

"We're here." Sae said, staying in the car.

You stepped out of the car, closing the door softly and looking through the drivers window. But he didn't move. His fingers drummed lightly against the steering wheel, rhythmic but absentminded. The only sound in the silence.

"Sae?"

"Mhm. I'll be with you." He said, with a blank expression, his eyes staring into nothing.

You couldn't believe it. He was nervous. You knew he wasn't good at confrontation, but you didn't realize he was afraid of it.

"Sae, we both know that's not true."

Sae let out a controlled sigh, as he begrudgingly got out of the car, his hands in his pockets as he straightened his back.

You rung on the doorbell, before unlocking the door, but you weren't even able to get a word in before Rin descended down the stairs.

"What was the point of ringing the doorbell if you have the ke-" Rin called down the stairs, an annoyed undertone to his voice.

That was before he saw Sae.

He froze, his eyebrows raising, his eyes wide with surprise. They stared at each other for a second, both contemplating what to say. Rin even looked at you for an answer, one that you were unable to provide.

"What are you... doing here?" Rin finally said, his voice low.

"[Y/N] told me to come." Was Sae's answer.

"You guys have a lot to sort out, right? Now's the perfect time." You justified yourself.

Sae's eyebrows fell, Rin's jerked up in confusion. They clearly didn't know what to say, but you thought they should sort it out themselves, instead of turning to you for support when they couldn't come up with anything. So as Rin looked at you again, you looked away.

Silence lingered for a few seconds.

"I don't think there's anything that can be fixed." Rin's voice was low, and as you looked up he held an emotionless, almost angry expression. "He made the choice to leave, and it has nothing to do with me. But he's not going to come back like it's nothing. That's not going to work out."

Sae simply bowed his head and looked at the floor, hands in pockets like he was trying to occupy himself.

You knew that Sae could tear him apart with words if he wanted to. Call him an idiot, mediocre, trash. Maybe make Rin cry. But he didn't.

"I know that." Is all he said.

Rin's eyes widened in confusion, they went narrow as his brows slightly furrowed. Then his brows relaxed, his eyes going wider.

"And?"

"Nothing else."

"Is that seriously all you have to say?" Rin now looked pissed, offended, annoyed but most of all hurt, and confused.

Sae met his emotions with his indifferent one, his gaze still on the floor. "I don't understand what else you want me to say."

Rin's mouth opened on instinct, almost like he was going to argue back. But his mouth eventually shut. Truth was, he didn't know what he wanted Sae to say himself.

It didn't take a psychologist to see his expression turned to an almost sad one, before transforming into an angry one.

"I don't understand you, Sae." Rin started walking to the bottom of the stairs. "I don't get how you can be so indifferent. What do you even expect from me? I don't get it – it's not fair."

He paused at the bottom of the stairs, hand wrapped around the column, his gaze of the floor.

"What we had wasn't fake, right? We were best friends. You can't tell me that was all fake."

Sae didn't respond for a few seconds, his gaze still on the floor. But his hand were out of his pockets, and he was fiddling with the end of his sleeve, a nervous habit. You knew all too well he wasn't handling this predicament well either.

"What do you want to hear?" Sae asked. "Because it wasn't. It wasn't fake."

Rin looked up at Sae, another confused expression on his face. You could understand him – he probably didn't understand what Sae was saying. No one did, really.

"So what are you trying to tell me? That you don't love me anymore? That I did something wrong?" Rin stepped off the stairs fully, and walked slowly up to Sae, trying to look 'intimidating'. But Sae returned his gaze with cold indifference.

"I never said that." Sae said.

"You never say anything. How am I supposed to understand you?" Rin's fists clenched, as you saw him getting more and more angry, that anger born from confusion.

Sae looked downwards and sighed, his eyebrows narrowing. He kept silent for a few seconds, before he finally conjured up a response. "I say what I need to say, and nothing more."

Rin's eye twitched, as his breathing got heavier. You didn't take Rin as the emotional type, but right now he looked vulnerable. He kept blinking way too many times, as he shook his head. "No, you can't just leave it at that, Sae. It's a pathetic answer. What am I supposed to do with that?"

Sae's jaw flexed, as he looked up at the ceiling, as if he wanted to evade this conversation entirely. "That's not my fault."

But as he said that, he squeezed his eyes shut. The words itself felt wrong, almost strained. Rin looked at him in disbelief.

"I hate you." Rin said. "I hate you, and your shitty soccer, and your shitty attitude, and how you never make time for me, and how you-"

His voice wavered, as he suddenly paused. He covered his mouth with his arm, but he didn't obscure his wet eyes. Sae didn't look at him, simply keeping his gaze on the ceiling. He didn't say anything either, although it was obvious he knew Rin was crying. It was unusual to see both of your stoic brothers crying in one day. But Sae's was a cry of victory. This... well... you didn't know what this was.

You didn't know what to do. You thought, if they met each other, they might sort things out. But the opposite was proven. Things had just gotten worse. And if you didn't do something their relationship would turn irreparable.

You looked at Sae.

He didn't look at you. Instead, he averted his gaze even further to the right.

You looked at Rin.

He was covering his mouth, trying his hardest not to cry. He was failing.

"Rin..." You muttered, walking forwards.

He didn't respond, he simply aggressively wiped tears from his eyes.

"You know..." You paused. You didn't know if saying this would make things turn out worse or better, but you knew you didn't have a choice. "We were talking about you when I went to the gymnastics academy, Sae and I. And... Sae said that he feels like he may be too harsh on you sometimes."

You blurted out, walking even more forwards. You couldn't look at Sae in this moment, you could feel his glare on your back. You knew you were throwing your relationship with Sae out of the window if this went wrong, the one you had just built up again. But it was worth the risk.

"So, Rin, Sae does care about you. He's just not the best with his words, that's all." She muttered.

Rin looked at you, his eyelids drooped, his face expressionless, his eyes red with tears and the force of trying to rub them away.

You realized they both disguised wiping tears as rubbing eyes.

"What am I meant to do with that." Rin mumbled; his voice lower than before.

You didn't know yourself. You didn't have an answer. But you tried. For Sae, for Rin, for your family. For yourself.

"Just know he loves you, Rin. He just doesn't know how to say it."

Rin looked deep into your eyes, before looking down again. But suddenly, you heard footsteps behind you, and your head jerked around.

Sae was leaving. He had his car keys in his hand, and he was heading out of the door.

"Sae. Sae, what are you doing?" You said. You knew him too well, he wouldn't respond. So you ran up to him and grabbed him by the wrist. He turned slightly sideways, looking down at you with cold, expressionless eyes. You didn't need to look twice to know he didn't like what you did.

"Sae, you need to sort this out. You can't just leave every time you are confronted." You held on tighter.

"We agreed that I won't do all of the talking."

"What do you think I just did!? I tried to say the words you couldn't, but I can't do this forever."

Sae paused, then sighed, his hand dropping from the doorknob. He walked back into the room, shaking your hand off his wrist, and up to Rin. He stood in front of him for a few seconds, as Rin took a few steps back and tried covering his face with his arm.

But then, Sae put a hand on his shoulder. Rin stiffened, his hand slowly dropping. But his eyes held that hopeful sparkle in them again, they went big and wide, as he straightened up gain.

"She's right." Sae mumbled, patting Rin's shoulder before letting his arm drop. Then he suddenly turned around and headed for the door. This time, you let him go. Enough had been said. Or shown.

⋆˙⟡˚₊‧꒰06:13PM – 06:30PM꒱‧₊˚

"What else did he say?" Rin randomly blurted out, while the two of you were finishing Attack On Titan.

You hesitated, but you knew you couldn't lie to him.

"He said you were moody."

Rin sighed and bowed his head. "Of course he did. What else? Tell me everything."

You shook your head, but Rin's head snapped in your direction. "It is really that bad? Tell me."

"Determined. Quiet. Fine at soccer." You continued, sighing. You didn't want to add the final sentence, but Rin was way too pushy.

He looked down and nodded, a blank expression on his face. You couldn't tell what that was. Contemplation? Sadness? Indifference? For once, you couldn't read Rin's expression.

"He knows you admire him."

"Who said I admired him?"

"Come on, you can tell the truth to your own sister, you know."

Rin looked away and nodded, going back to watching Attack On Titan. But he eventually added something. "So what if I admire him? He's a good soccer player."

"It's not just that. Rin, you literally copy almost everything he does."

Rin's head snapped to your direction again, his eyes wide with anger. "No I don't!"

"You talk like him, you act like him, you got into soccer just because of him. You've even started to listen to his favourite song."

Rin was about to say something, but he furrowed his brows. His eye twitched, but he sighed and faced forwards again. "It's a good song."

"Mhm." You responded, leaning your head on Rin's shoulder.

...

They really were similar.

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︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶⠀୨୧⠀︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶

{I'm trying to work out how to post the 12th chapter, but it says smth about 1000 blocks 😭😭}