#fat and hot

[josiebelladonna]

exact same shirt, two years apart.

(full story under the cut; 18+ please)

i weighed 225 in april 2020, up from 205 in december 2019 (no clue how that happened as life for me barely changed when the lockdowns started); i’m at 266 now, and i gained all this weight in 2021 and a little bit this year, believe it or not. i actually lost weight in quarantine, about 13 pounds: wasn’t eating much and things going on in my social life in the summer of quarantine contributed to the losses. tried getting it back over the winter, and more so when alex entered the picture. then my stepdad passed in april 2021 and all of a sudden, there was a lot more food in the house. i gained 25 pounds last summer, going from 221 to 246, followed by another five over the winter and then 15 spread out over the course of this year.

i don’t mind it: if anything, it feels good. healthy, even. my pants fit better (those old ones in the top pic fell down at every chance: they give me the biggest muffin top now 😅), everything is fuller and rounder, and i can eat a lot more—i feel stronger, too. i was always curious about the world beyond 220 pounds—from 2015 when i hit 200, to 2021 when my stepdad passed, i bounced around that range and i was curious about the 230s. now i’m actually looking at 270. 270 pounds, i should be gigantic (and my mom is planning on making gingerbread cookies and sugar cookies pretty soon here, too. gingerbread, with sugar, there’s also a few chocolate chip cookies and some oreos in the cupboard, and persimmon cookies atop the fridge. and she wants to make bread pudding at some point. and there’s apple pie in the fridge. and there’s chocolate on the coffee table before me. when i said “fuck diet culture”, i meant it.)

actually i kinda am gigantic now. i’m big.

just for reference, this was me in december 2019

and this is me just now

my bras are tighter now, too. i had difficulty keeping them on my shoulders in 2019/2020: they keep everything in place now, like they actually fit.

i felt emaciated back then, too. my stepdad, with all his problems, often snuck food when no one was looking, and objected to my mom and me treating ourselves. i couldn’t eat much—and you gotta eat. you gotta nourish yourself. he passed and suddenly, i could eat to my heart’s content, all the healthy food and all the sweet stuff. 

my body widened out, i now have a definite double under my chin, and i have a potbelly now, and it’s kinda sexy, tbh. i feel really healthy: everything is where it should be and i haven’t had a cold or anything since 2019, interestingly enough. i do have a little snoring problem, but that’s about it, though. i’m not in pain and i’m not “aching” for anything. i was thin before the world came crashing down, but i wasn’t having a good time, though. i love to eat. i love sweet, fattening food. i love vegan food. i love meat and pasta and cheese. i love so-called guilty pleasures. i love mexican food, indian food, chinese food, japanese food, vietnamese food, filipino food, french food, german food, italian food, what the baltic countries do this time of year and just gorge until new year’s… i want to “eat across” a city some day. i love to eat, and i love to eat a lot.

i wish i got chubby as a teenager, if i’m honest. my story would have been so much different (just imagine: a fat field hockey player rather than a gaunt anorexic one, i probably would’ve stuck it out much longer). and i wish i could tell 13-year-old me that it’s really not at all bad because your body actually needs to be fed and that your thoughts are lying to you and the whole world is lying to you, actually, and you can feel good by eating whatever the hell you want, and come with me in unpacking diet culture and all the bullshit that makes women (and men) destroy their bodies all for the sake of chasing ideals which are pointless anyway because to change is to live and be human.

i remember being 19 on a camping trip to the oregon coast over thanksgiving 2012 and the backstory is it was a potluck dinner, and i brought a grasshopper pie because i’m actually from 1960. and no one touched it (one of the boys brought a pecan pie and that was more welcomed) and there was no room in the miniature fridge in our yurt. so, i ate this whole pie aside from two pieces missing. solo. on top of two helpings of thanksgiving dinner. three quarters of this creamy mousse pie made with crème de la menthe, marshmallow, and a chocolate crust. and this was well before i got heavy, too, this was back when i still weighed around 150 pounds, and before i dropped down to 139, too. i often think about that pie, too, how it made my then-slim belly swell up and it felt so right, and if i can do it now. i think that was the moment of clarity for me, in hindsight: the moment i thought, “i don’t want to torment myself anymore.” a fleeting thought, but i do remember thinking it.

in fact, i actually have a pretty distinct memory of being five or six years old and wishing i could eat everything and become fat, like i muttered it to myself when no one was paying attention (i looked at my naked body when no one was looking and i wished to be fat when no one was looking, the belly kink makes a lot more sense now, doesn’t it? 😜). i have no clue what happened to it, but my aunt used to have this old black and white photograph of me wearing denim jeans and cowgirl boots, and i had no shirt on, and i was pushing my belly out as far as i could go.

i wasn’t healthy thin, either. got sick a lot and nevermind b.m.i., it’s ableist and eugenicist and serves no one. you want to go with waist to hip ratio (those measurements divided by each other; you want under 0.80 to be considered healthy. and guess what? mine at the moment is 0.74, which is perfect. yes, even with my belly, i still pull off the numbers).

so, i have literally genuinely felt this desire to be a heavyweight my whole life: 5 year old me wanted a fat belly, 13 year old me wanted to look good, and 19 year old me wanted to feel good. it’s part of my truth. it’s just one part of who i am, and i’m finally just comfortable enough to talk about it.

so, as i write this, yes, i don’t feel negative about it (if anything… you want the truth? i don’t feel fat enough. it’s not like i’m lazy or sedentary, anyway: i’m gonna eat a big slice of apple pie with ice cream and whipped cream right now and then all my mom’s cookies, and everyone obsessed with dieting—and covering up—can die mad about it).

the last time i posted pix of myself, a bunch of people unfollowed me and blocked me. their loss, i say, especially when you see these:

(that faith no more shirt has been through so much: of course i love wearing it now)

another kind of interesting thing about gaining all this weight? i feel more tomboyish than ever. i’ll go through the fat-related tags on here sometimes and i’ll look at fat women, and they’re all very feminine. whatever rings true for you, absolutely (the one dress i have, i tried it on and from the side, i looked pregnant with my well-fed belly 🤷🏻‍♀️) but i think it’s interesting that there aren’t a lot of “sportier” girls such as myself. i want to keep wearing shirts and sexy camisoles and skinny jeans and flared jeans that accentuate my legs and my hips.

yeah, man. this is all me.

all 266 pounds 😈🥵😘

[sheepydraws]

The secret Dungeon Meshi sauce that's getting people to eat better is that it's so non-judgmental. Senshi and the rest of the gang never talk about what not to eat besides things that taste bad and literal poison. They don't even talk about "health" that much besides the importance of a balanced diet. It's so much easier to eat well when you think of food simply as something your body needs, and that it's often worth the extra effort to make it taste good, especially when you understand how to connect "things your body needs" with "things that taste good"

[boybecoming]

an ode to testosterone weight gain

[ingabs-stuff]

[bi-writes]

mmmm ;) simon has got a special eye on single-mom!reader, doesn't he? (18+, lactation kink, daddy kink, breeding kink, dark content !!!!)

it's your first day back after maternity leave. you already look different, simon notices this immediately. the way you fill out your cargo pants--fuck, there's no way your arse has ever looked so fat. no way your thighs have ever been so plush--ngghhh...

fuck, you've never been prettier. motherhood suits you. your hair is longer. your eyes are a little brighter. and fuck, your tits look so heavy, can't keep his eyes off of them, can't fucking focus, fuck, fuck, fuck--

you look so cute patching him up. pouty bottom lip between your teeth as you string his lacerated skin back together with a practiced stitch, standing between his spread legs as he sits in a chair in your office. he nicked his shoulder real well in training today, and fuck, is he grateful for johnny's heavy hand because you're standing over him, and he has a front-row seat to the greatest view of his fucking life.

christ, they practically jiggle with every movement you make. you pop the cap off some disinfectant, and the little bounce of your chest makes him chub up immediately, and he doesn't trust the buckle of his belt anymore because you're so fucking hot. and god, it isn't fair, this isn't fair, you must be teasing him--because as he's staring shamelessly at your pretty, perky nipples, he notices the fabric of your shirt beginning to grow damp.

you notice his line of sight after you tie off his wound. you look down, gasping, your hands dropping your supplies to come up and cup your breasts and cover the wetness of your shirt.

"god--dammit," you breathe. you haven't gotten a chance to pump today, it's been so busy in the clinic, and god, they ache.

you're his sergeant. his pretty little soldier. he just wants to help you. he's just helping you, isn't he? that's what this is when he draws his big hands up, shifting your shirt until it nestles below your nursing bra. he's just helping you when he unlatches the strap with ease, drawing down the soft material and baring your tits for him, his eyes bulging when he sees how wet the skin is, how they glisten.

his mouth is so warm. it's the perfect relief after such a long day. his tongue is soft and careful, swirling in heated circles as he soothes the ache in the throbbing fat there. you're so wet--soaking your panties, you know you are, your hormones firing wildly as he pulls back, opening his mouth and catching just a dribble of the warm essence that leaks from one breast. finally, finally--fuck, he's so good at this, his mouth latching onto you again as he groans loudly. he's so sick, it's so fucking lewd, but god dammit, it's just what you need, you need this, you need this.

he likes you like this. he likes you fat around the hips and leaking from your tits and spilling sweetness into your panties. he needs to keep you this way. he needs to keep you pretty and aching and starving for the relief that he knows he can give you.

he doesn't care whose kid it is, he wants to keep you this way. he'd let johnny or gaz fuck you stupid after this if it meant plugging you up and making you full and beautiful and round again. he's never wanted kids anyway, he knows he probably shoots blanks, it's why you got pregnant so fast after he shut the door on your relationship and refused to open it again, isn't it?

nnghghhgh...

fuck, his pants are already shoved low, just enough that he can pull himself out. he's so heavy, balls so full and aching so badly, he's hardly slapping against his stomach. you slip your own trousers off, eager to get back into his lap, practiced pretty girl sinking down onto him and riding him for her life in the dark of her office.

he buries his face into your chest. they're bouncing every time you smack your hips back down against his, and he can't stop the noises he's making as he suckles your tits in his mouth and uses a firm grip on your ass to meet your thrusts with force. fuck, he'd forgotten what a nice cunt you had--he'd forgotten how nice and soft you are, how messy and wet you get, how whenever he fucks you, his entire pelvis is always soaked with the slick of you because you can never stop creaming on his cock.

"so big," you babble, just like you used to, and he grunts as he aims for that little spot inside of you that makes you cry. he wants to see those pretty tears falling down your face, but all it took this time was his tongue sucking on your achy nipples to make you pouty and sobbing.

fuck, you've always been good at taking him, you always were such a good girl, but now he's overwhelmed. your body is so different and yet the same, and he likes it so much more--fuck, there's so much to grab onto now, the smacking of your skin is loud, and you've always been such a wet girl, but now you're positively dripping. he grits his teeth as he looks down finally, watching the way you've wet his trousers, his boxers, your thighs, the goddamn chair. he can't wait to lay you down after this and put his head between your thighs, can't wait to get those tits back in his mouth and make you cry again and again and again and again--

yeah, yeah, yeah--fuck, fuck, fuck--

you collapse after he cums. whimpering, taking two of his fingers and fitting them into your mouth so you have something to suck on, something you always used to do for comfort. he hisses a little as he pulls out just a little, globs of cum dribbling onto the seat before he eases you back down again. you whine, clinging onto him, your eyes shutting as he shoves his cum practically into your stomach.

yeah, fuck--he's gonna make his little sergeants take you nice after this. he needs you to stay like this, needs to keep you fat and pretty and swollen. don't mind the chunky babies you'll have, he'll take care of you, sweetheart, he'll be the daddy that son of a bitch never gave you, yeah?

he grabs the phone nearest to him to check the time as you settle on wobbly legs into the seat next to him. it must be your phone, because there's a picture of a smiling baby as the background. his eyes flicker to yours, and when you catch his gaze, you swallow hard. there's a giant chubby baby you're holding in that picture.

with blond hair and dark eyes (;

[olou4]

itty bitties for the win💋

[nikkinelson1313]

once upon a time

[phatbootygirlz]

Hey guys should I post a nickiitheboss grinding compilation or a twerking compilation?

Comment down below!

[the-fat-of-instagram6]

Pics of @jez_heardy on Instagram when he was fat

[housecow]

sooo hard to grab just a handful. there’s so much of me nowadays 🫣