#faster hair growth and a deeper voice

[spiltcandycoatedpunkblood]

someday I will be able to post the before of me pre everything trans and the after of me on a while of T injections and a top surgery. or just a general timeline of me from when I was younger to then. that's one thing I know I want the most in life.

[adaginy]

Big Guide to Humans: Lifespan and Development

Humans are not invincible, but despite their reputation for risk-taking, most humans do not die of injuries. Mostly, they die of time. Unlike many species that reach an adult stage and stay there until something (disease, war, mating, cultural practices) kills them, human bodies are in a constant progression into and through maturity. At the end of this progression, their cells damage themselves or each other faster than they can recover from, the human becomes weaker until one or more organ systems ceases function (beyond the ability of medicine to repair), and the human dies.

Most humans measure their age in "years," a time measurement based on their home planet. (A human in a non-human-majority ship or settlement will often figure out the formula for local time conversion soon after arrival; if the formula is not in your records, simply ask them.) A human with no abnormalities may live, on average, to around 150 "years," though this varies based on their personal history and genetics, with some humans being noticeably infirm before 100, and 200 years being rare but not unheard of. Diseases, injuries, and most abnormalities lower this span, some by a great deal and/or abruptly.

All Humans begin life as "babies," not literally a larval stage but similarly underdeveloped, in which for the first year of life they are unable — physically or intellectually — to walk or talk. For another year or two they are not able to do them very fluently. (Their external genitalia are present as part of their excretory system, but with no reproductive ability.) They are entirely dependent on their guardians (often but not always their biological parents). For the next eight to twelve years, they experience mostly steady growth, mentally and physically. Sexual dimorphism is negligible when clothed. Hair and clothing styles are used to signal gender, but this is based on human culture and requires a certain level of expertise to interpret. Although they are still dependent on their parents for securing provisions and for being taught, they are mobile and can take care of their short-term needs. Especially at the end of this range, other humans would consider it safe to leave them briefly unattended. At approximately twelve years old, plus or minus two years, or plus/minus four or more in extreme cases, they enter a multi-year stage of rapid growth called "puberty" in which their reproductive system begins to mature and they start to display sexual dimorphism. By around 18 years of age, and almost certainly by age 20, they will have reached their full adult height and level of "secondary sexual characteristics," the most obvious being a deeper voice and facial hair for males (though they may remove the hair for aesthetic reasons) and breast weight for females, along with body hair and that particular human scent. During this time, they are nearly as intellectually capable as an adult human. However, as they are experiencing adult emotions for the first time, their moods can be unstable. Additionally, their understanding of risk is poor even by human standards, and it is important to check with their guardians before engaging in activities that you may be tempted to think sound reasonable for a human. Because their intellectual and emotional development lags sharply behind their reproductive development, and because they do not have a "finished" adult stage, humans have declared "18 years old" to be when adulthood begins and one is allowed to register for military service, enter into legal agreements, consume mind-altering substances, and engage in cross-species sexual relationships. !! Clarification: If you mate with or even attempt to mate with a human under 18 years old, they will not be punished. You will face severe repercussions from the human and/or Unified legal systems, in addition to high risk of humans' Protected Cultural Practice of violence to protect family and children. !!

As imprecise as developmental timing is before adulthood, it is even more so afterward. It is simply not possible to give an accurate accounting of when certain markers of human age will appear, or even in what order. Like a human's life span, it depends on personal history and genetics, and even a person who will live to be 200 might show signs of aging by age 30. Some humans never display certain signs. This list is not exhaustive. - New head or face hairs growing in grey or white instead of their original color. - Facial skin softening until it begins to crease and fold under its own weight (while human facial expressions often involve wrinkling the skin, those lines are not permanent). - Head hairs not being replaced when they fall out (earlier and more apparent in males, sometimes beginning even before adulthood). - Loss of teeth: Humans lose some teeth and replace them before puberty, but teeth lost later in life will not grow back. Because loss of teeth makes eating difficult, it is very likely for lost teeth to be replaced artificially. - Irregularly-shaped patches of darker skin, about .01-03 LocalAreaUnits, on some lighter-skinned humans. - Complaints of pain in joints. - New weakness in the sense of hearing. - New weakness in the sense of vision, beyond what can be easily corrected with adjustment lenses. - Weakness of memory, moreso for recent events than distant events. - A "stooped" posture in which the neck (the support column for the head) is held at a forward angle and the shoulders are in front of the chest. Some younger humans may have this for non-aging reasons, but otherwise it is one of the last signs of aging to develop, signaling the progression of the body's inability to repair itself.

If you are only encountering humans in a work environment — on a battleship for example, as opposed to a residential or mixed-use ship or a settlement — it is likely that all the humans you meet are adults who, regardless of age, are not nearing the end of their lifespan.

[hydeingpurples]

Hey man! I always love hearing about others’ transition. I’m a trans guy myself who is just now identifying that way very recently and is navigating getting ready to start T and top surgery whenever I’m able as I am saving up. I’d love to hear about your journey and where you are now. 😊

🏳️‍⚧️ Testosterone and Top Surgery 🏳️‍⚧️ (UK) : Discovering Myself, Hormones, Top surgery, Where I Am Now

Hey buddy! I'm more than happy to tell my story so far. I'll pack as much into this post as I can, as it may be helpful to others too, so it may be a bit long, but I'll do it in sections 😊

🕵🏻 Discovering Myself 🧐

This bit was tough. I think it is for a lot of us. I knew deep down for several years that I wasn't a girl. I was terrified of the thoughts that were buzzing around my head, terrified of the things I was feeling. I buried it so deep. At university, I started to let go a bit. Friends around me came out as non-binary and trans, I figured it wasn't so bad. I experimented with pronouns and identities, and eventually I admitted to myself that I was just a guy. I came out to my family aged 21 by letter and it went really well.

Things were still a bit scary though. Trying a binder on for the first time was both exciting and daunting. It felt so freeing and right, but scary too because it meant that, maybe, I needed to get rid of my chest.

💊 Hormones 💉

Over time, the dysphoria got worse and worse. I was becoming extremely jealous of my best friend who was on testosterone (T) and features that other men had that I didn't. I struggled most with my period. At its worst, I spent hours in my flat toilet and the toilets at work crying and withering in disgust and vile discomfort. I'll never forget those feelings.

I knew I'd make it to the other end though one day because my friend had. And, fortunately, April 2023, that day came.

📝 Testosterone Prescription 😄

After jumping through a load of loopholes and sending my blood tests off, my GP/Doctor booked me an appointment. I thought it was just to talk to me about my blood tests.

I sat down and he talked to me for a bit. Nothing much, nothing special. Then, he started printing something out. He whipped it from the printer and handed me this lil slip of paper. It was a prescription letter.

You know how people say the world can stop? Or go in slow motion? That's exactly what happened. I must have spent an entire lifetime staring down in silence, in awe, at this little piece of paper. My eyes were welling up with joy. I looked at him and all I could do was thank him, over and over and over again. A great smile beamed on his face.

Upon leaving, everything was blurry. It was like I had tunnel vision. All I could see was this piece of paper. I stormed out of the building, called my Mom, and violently cried with joy.

"Slow down, I can't understand you", she said.

"I've got it. I've got it. I have a testosterone prescription!" I spluttered.

It took me a while to calm down, haha. I've never been so joyous.

🌱 Testosterone Effects Timeline 📊

⚠️Please note everyone's changes, intensity of changes, and rates of changes are different⚠️

Week 1: no voice drop, but my throat felt different; increased discharge downstairs; a little sweatier and took me longer to cool down.

Week 2-3: some hot flashes but not many; needed bigger meals.

After 1 month: period stopped (🥳); small amount of increased hair growth on legs; head hair started growing faster; more and slightly more intense hot flashes; subtle voice changes, easier to talk at my lowest level.

2 months: stamina increase, longer work time and shorter recovery time; voice slightly deeper; upper lip hair started coming through darker; increased peach fuzz hair growth on face, arms, legs, stomach, especially legs; increased spots on back.

Up to 6 months: how I felt and processed emotions changed (found it A LOT easier to process emotions, less chaotic mind); even more hair growth and a few random beard hairs; further stamina increase; my sweat and pee changed how they smelt which was weird; further voice changes; sometimes I had sudden bouts of strong hunger but not often.

Up to 12 months: increased downstairs discharge stopped; even more body hair (thicker, darker, curly), especially on legs; a few more beard hairs on chin; back spots decreased; voice a little deeper; face shape changes, boarder shoulders.

Up to 17 months (now): almost every area on my legs is hair; hair growth on butt and up butt; a few more beard hairs (that grow back pretty quick after shaving); warmer, more and longer got flashes, difficulties cooling down (I'm also extremely heat averse though so 🤷🏻); masculinising hairline (i.e receding at the front to look more masculine); much more noticeable voice changes, difficulties reaching higher tones, much easier to talk low.

Extra: I haven't experienced any bottom growth or change in libido at all. I've identified as asexual for a while now and still do, no changes at all. It's fairly common to experience bottom growth and some report a change in libido too, I just haven't 🤷🏻

🧑🏻‍⚕️ Top Surgery 😷 - double incision

I was terrified I wasn't going to get to this stage. I moved from Wales to England and both have different medical systems, so I was petrified of my surgery referral getting lost.

Fortunately, it didn't get lost. Once it was booked in, I had my consultation where I met the surgeon and her team, I was measured, told about the process and what could go wrong and what the solutions were.

Now I had a new fear: was this right? The self doubt was ridiculous. What if I regretted it? What if I hated my results?

The morning of the surgery answered these questions. My plan was that if it felt wrong on the morning, I knew I had the power to back out.

At 8:30am I was called to my surgery. I wrapped my arms around my Mom, a giant smile swallowing my face, and I said, "see you later!", and pranced down the corridor with the nurse. I was SO excited.

Going under anaesthetic was perfectly alright. It was insanely fast which I wasn't expecting. They started the anaesthetic and all I had time for was a few sentences before I was out.

🛏️ Recovery 🏥

💫I've got a big list of tips and tricks for top surgery recovery which might be best for another post because it's huge💫

Recovery actually wasn't too bad. When I woke up, the only discomfort I felt was a prickly feeling around the surgery site which they quickly sorted with painkillers. The day after anaesthetic was a bit rocky, I slept a lot and felt a bit icky, basically like a hangover. After that, all I felt was a dull aching in my abdomen for 3/4 days, otherwise no pain. I couldn't actually feel anything around my nipples or incisions, it was totally numb. The trickiest part was actually keeping myself busy so my Tourette's didn't damage the surgery site.

Once things had healed up a bit more and my stitches were out/dissolved away, I really started to appreciate my new chest. Unlike some people, I didn't have a super euphoria moment. For me, it's simply been total peace and relief since. I no longer think about my chest in any capacity. It feels natural, normal, right, and that, to me, means it was absolutely the right decision. It was what I needed.

🙋🏻 Where am I Now? 🙋🏻

It's been just over 10 months since my top surgery and my scars are fading very well. I'm very happy with the results. I've regained a substantial amount of sensation too in both my nipples and the incision scars. I've done a huge amount of scary care which I'm happy to talk about in another post so this one doesn't get any longer.

I'm fortunate enough to have had all of my records changed, I have a male passport, and I recently passed my driving test and have a full driver's license with my new name on it!

But, I think more importantly, I now feel more confident, I care about what I wear and how I look, I've found my style and what I like to wear, I look after my personal hygiene, and I feel like myself.

And that is where I am now 😊

I hope you've found this helpful in some way. There's a lot of information here. It was nice to type that story out. If you'd like anything else in more detail or have any questions, go for it!

[katetorias]

yo! how long have you been on hrt? if at all, and any advice to those who want to get on it and what they should maybe expect/consider?

as of now I’ve been on HRT for around 3 years? I use the gel and put in on my shoulders every night :)

anyone who wants hrt should always research physical changes!!! for testosterone specifically (only hrt I know myself lol), you should keep in mind that you will likely get thirsty easier, sweat a lot more, and of course the acne lol. for a while my throat also began to hurt just because my body wasn’t used to the deep voice. essentially going on puberty. some people also experience pain in their groin from bottom growth! (I didn’t)

I would also consider that a lot of it honestly depends on your genetics. I’ve been hairy my whole life, so growing hairy legs and arms didn’t take long at all.

you should also consider how fast you need the treatment to work. I’m okay with it taking its time, so I’m doing the gel, and as a plus I avoid the shots. but shots are generally a more faster way of getting the usual desired effects (deeper voice, facial hair, etc).

your weight might also fluctuate! I don’t think it necessarily makes you gain weight, but the distribution will be different, and you might gain muscle easier.

Also I have shoulder hair now so yeah :)

hope this helps! sorry for the late reply^^;;;;;;

[toyourliking]

oh so T updates:

My throat is so scratchy all the time

Sometimes my voice is a little deeper

Facial hair (pre existing) is growing faster. I have to shave EVERY day now instead of maybe once a week

A tiiiny bit of bottom growth

My eyebrows might be thicker?? idk

Grumpy 😠

Somehow more attracted to men????? idk how that works

It’s only been a month though so some of this might be psychosomatic 🤷🏻‍♂️

[ezranotbridger]

OMG UM OK SO UM WHATS IT LIKE HAVING BEEN ON T FOR A FULL YEAR DUDE WTF HOW I HAVENT STARTED YET

Changes started pretty quickly in like the first 3 months and then after you don't really notice much until you look back and think omg wtf that was me, I did get sick near the start and my voice dropped and never went back and just kept getting deeper from there, your waist fills out and meets your hips and facial hair does grow pretty fast but one thing I've noticed about that is it is literally just neck and chin in the first year and I've seen some people say it can take up to 3 years for facial hair growth to fully work

Also lots of leg hair and arm hair, you get more hungry, more tired drink a lot more (I go through like 10 cans of coke in a day) an any muscle gained just stays, i started T had noticeable muscle gain, went to the gym for a few months gained muscle even faster and I haven't been since an its stayed

[hababa]

4 months on T yesterday . observations under the cut (some talk about bottom growth

i noticed my first proper dark/thick chest hair coming through in the shower this morning . The hair on my upper legs got thicker straight away and so did my tummy. Not much happenibg so far on my face (my stache is a little thicker). My arm hairs are a bit darker. I also noticed my head hair thinning a little, more of it falling out in the shower. I have acne all over my face chest and back. My voice is noticably deeper . I smell stronger and muskier . My libido is much higher and my junk is considerably bigger than it was. it also smells like dick and balls where it didnt used to smell much of anything before lol. My fat has moved from my hips and thighs towards my stomach a bit, im less curvy and got more of a gut. My appetite has gone up but i havent noticed the change in taste buds like some ppl report or a craving for meat? (For protein and bulky foods though yah i have)

My mood is different but hard to describe i am way more energised and find it much harder to sit still. Mentally things seem to move faster like the pace of my thoughts and feelings? part of this means i find it much harder to focus for long periods and get things done that i don't really want to do. i didnt really have adhd-like symptoms before but recently i find i'm much more scattered and find it hard to concentrate, i'll start things, get bored quick, leave them and forget, start something new, forget what i started... Things seem to get on my nerves more now, but i also find that i am a more immediate (impulsive?) person and dont tend to dwell on my feelings as much, but tend to act quickly. For the first time in my life i often feel the urge to exercise where before i dreaded it haha.

I feel good about getting hairier, my body fat redistributing, my voice getting deeper, my face looking a little more masc, bottom growth. I find my inner emotional landscape changing a bit difficult to understand - i got pretty good at recognising what different feelings felt like before but now i cant always tell whats going on. Puberty 1 was a difficult time for me because i was also going through abuse which i coped with by dissociating from my body. its nice i feel a bit more present during this puberty (if a bit awkward for going thru puberty as an adult now haha), but the emotional stuff is a bit difficult because i feel out of control/confused by my inner landscape sometimes. But its good that im more immediate, less in my head at times, i speak up more when something bothers me. Im not thrilled about the acne and losing my hair. I hope i can keep my hair long for a few years then rock a shaved head. I dont mind about the smell. I sort of want to be able to grow a moustache just to see how it looks.

[localvoidcat]

FMR Werewolves description

Informations on their appearances under the cut.

Werewolves (and were-beasts in general, but we’re focusing just on the wolves here) have three different forms they can take on: Human form, Feral/Wolfman form, and Wolf form.

Human form appears nearly completely identical to a human, however there are some noticeable differences. These include pointed ears, sharp teeth similar to that of a canine’s, faster growth of hair, and thicker nails. In some rare cases, lycanthropes will have larger irises which conceal the sclera, or eyes in colors found only in canines, such as yellow or pale gray.

Feral/Wolfman form is a mix between Human form and Wolf form, appearing as a humanoid being with fur on the skin, thicker hair resembling a mane, a muzzle and snout, eyes in the same color as that of the Wolf form, clawed hands, digitigrade legs with feet similar to paws, more teeth appearing in the mouth, as well as lengthened furred ears capable of movement, around seven inches in length, and a tail extending down from the spine, around ten to twenty inches long. Fur/hair commonly grows on the arms, chest, legs, on the sides of the face, and down the back, all the way to the end of the tail. It should be noted that the person appears to be a couple inches to a foot taller in this form, and the fur is not as thick as compared to a fully transformed state. Vocalizations range from human voices through means of growls to howls near identical to that of a wolf’s.

Wolf form appears as a bipedal wolf-like beast, ranging from six to ten feet tall, with fur covering the entire body, long pointed ears at the top of the head, disproportionately long limbs with paws at the hind legs and clawed hands at the front legs, a full muzzle and snout, with a jaw full of sharp teeth to go with it, eyes in hues of typically gold, gray, amber, or blue, a long wolf tail extending down the spine, a mane of fur around the neck, and unnaturally sharp claws at the hands and feet. In this form, vocalizations are identical to a wolf’s, but louder and deeper. Transformed lycans tend to walk on two legs and shift to four when running, hence their enlightened limbs. The bite force of a fully transformed werewolf is 1500 psi, making them deadly hunters when it comes to humans, their primary targets.

[fredbydawn]

What advice would u have for someone considering T

I literally just got done doing my shot so this could not have come at a better time lol

I would say it depends on what you want to get out of it. Like for me, I didn’t feel necessarily dysphoria most of the time but I knew that if I transitioned I would be happier, and that’s 100% been the case. Like before I felt like my body wasn’t a prison or an adversary or anything, but it felt like a well meaning stranger to me, whereas now it’s starting to feel like a home. I mean it could also because my goals were pretty low, like facial hair and a deeper voice, so now that I’m growing hair on my shoulders and chest I feel so sexy and confident especially knowing that this is only the beginning. But like everyone’s body and genes are different so things might happen faster or slower (like for some bottom growth doesn’t kick in for like 3 months but for me it was 5 days)

But I guess I would say you should look at the features of the men in your family to see if that’s what you want (if you have access to that information, I’m adopted so I’m just leaving that up to fate) and speaking with an endocrinologist about any concerns you may have and talking about what options are best for you

[aureamors]

Month 1 on T

Or 1 month and 1-2 weeks on T

Prominent changes

The main things that have very obviously changed is bottom growth, skin texture, appetite, libido and hair growth. I'll be discussing bottom growth, libido and all that behind an 18+ break at the bottom of the post (ha)

On skin and complexion

I am a greasy little man to say the least. I've begun to have to have a much more strict skincare and clothes/sheet washing routine because I have been so much more greasy. I also need to wash my hair a lot more bc it will not stop being nasty if i don't. My acne is really bad right now, though that may also be in part because I'm on my period rn (which I will discuss further down)

On hair

Maybe TMI, but in particular, armpit and ass hair is a lot thicker than it was before (💀💀💀), and it also grows back much faster. My ingrown hairs also seem to be way worse when I shave: I shaved the way I always have, but there's so many ingrown hairs then there usually is so I'm thinking it may be related to this? Idk man.

The hair on my head is also thickening, I have a bunch of new baby hairs growing at my hairline.

On appetite changes

My appetite has been a lot more at times then it was before. I don't know if it's fully kicked in but I will just randomly be starving a lot more (I have a bit of a poor connection to my physical needs at times so I sometimes lowkey forget to eat until I really really need to- )

On periods

I mentioned my period up above and I'll elaborate a bit on that. At first I thought I wasn't gonna have it as I was a week late and I thought I was just. Having really bad PMDD, but I ended up getting it anyways. I had normal mood swings on my period before obviously, but this time around it felt like it was a million times worse. I was so anxious and moody that I could barely function at work last week, and I was honestly having pretty bad urges to relapse (I have struggled on and off with SH and addiction over the years).

I'm better now, my period is just being it's annoying period self tho. I'm still bleeding and it hasn't stopped yet, it's a lot lighter then usual tho so hopefully that means next month it will have stopped (for context, I've always had absolutely horrendous periods- heavy asf to the point I need to wear pads designed for post children women, dizziness because of how heavy the blood loss I had was and cramps that make me unable to move because of how painful they are. It's still present, but it's not nearly as bad as it has been for several years now).

On mood

Outside of this though, my mood has been so much better than it was pre-T. I was much more anxious before and it led to me being unable to properly function socially, but now I'm a lot more confident. I'm still a bit insecure because I'm still very much not passing and stuff, but I'm getting better the more I grow into my body how I should have been. I'm already a lot more outgoing, and excited for life and the future than I was.

Less prominent but noticeable changes

My voice. My voice has started to deepen very slightly. I didn't even notice it but my sister pointed it out, and I recently retook a voice comparison video yesterday and it was slightly deeper in my natural range. It's still early days ofc but this made me very happy

This- may be a bit weird, but I think I am already noticing changes in my breast tissue already? They feel a bit more like fat rather than actual solid perky tissue and look less big (then again the latter could be because I'm starting to become a bit less dysphoric tbh). I'm hoping I go down a cupsize and they become easier to bind in future.

Confusion/questioning my sexuality again

Honestly I have no idea what is going on here at all right now. I thought I'd figured out that I was aroace and was formerly hypersexual from trauma, but now I'm thinking I may be allo. Still probably on the aroace spectrum, but idk.

Now men just kinda... 💅/hj

I think I might have just been fully apathetic and uninterested in relationships and intimacy with real people because I was super uncomfortable and dysphoric. Now, it's kind of up in the air a bit. I'm just not gonna label all that business for a while probably, I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually and I'll probably discuss this in future posts more

18+ only below - discussing bottom growth and libido n. All that 👍

My bottom growth has been pretty noticeable this far. I haven't measured it bc I think that's goofy, but it's prob a cm or 2 atp? Not much yet, but I'm so looking forward to more with it. I want to potentially get metoidio on it to make it more prominent, but I'll ofc see how it goes. Full growth is still farrrr off

I will also say that I have not gotten dry at all down there - the exact opposite actually. I hear a lot about all that business getting drier and stuff, but genuinely I get so much more down there then I ever used to. I think in part it may be because I've gotten more comfortable with my bottom growth?

This is- alot of personal info but considering this is 18+ section I'll get into it, but honestly everything sexual is *so* much better now. My libido has gotten a fair bit higher, but also I've found that the pleasure I can get from doing stuff has increased tenfold.

I think in part it is because I heavily dissociated away from myself both due to my dysphoria and trauma, but now I feel like I'm realigning with myself and - in a way I feel like I'm also reclaiming my body too. So because of that, I'm much more satisfied with what's going on with that. It's very hard to explain honestly! I would be interested to hear from other trans men with sexual trauma if they had the same or similar experiences.

I remember my psych warning me that it could be potentially jarring to have bottom growth due to my history, but this genuinely is the best thing I think could have happened for me. It's honestly helping me massively with repairing my relationship with sexual stuff, both in regards to my trauma and ofc dysphoria. It's been amazing, honestly.

This is all I can think of for now, but I'll possibly come back and edit stuff if I think of anything else. Working full time has been kicking my ass, so I've kinda just been only working and then using all my free time to recover for the next day 💀💀

[transitional-diaries]

My First Year on Testosterone

I've been on Testosterone for a year, and I want to try to do a write up of all my experiences with it so far.

These are just things I've noticed so far - there's probably a lot of smaller changes I haven't noticed yet.

Month 0-6 First off, I was on half a sachet of Androgel (25mg) for the first six months, as I'm nonbinary and anxious and wanted to go into the process slowly. The first six months nothing big really happened, and I've also heard people say gel works slower than injections do.

My acne on my face got a bit worse, but I've always had terrible hormonal acne, so this was both expected and not that big of a change

My skin and hair got very oily, but it wasn't consistently oily all the time - just like once every one or two weeks for a few days I'd notice my skin being more oily than normal.

The first two months my PMDD got easier to manage, but then it went back to being as bad as it had been before.

I started masturbating usually twice a day instead of once a day, but I'm not sure if that was because of horniness or just because masturbating helps my anxiety and falling asleep.

My upper-lip hair started growing in faster and thicker, though not any longer. I always had upper-lip hair though so it didn't feel like a huge change.

Month 6-9 6 months in I moved to taking a full sachet of Androgel (50mg) every day for 3 months. When I did this I planned from the get-go to go onto injections, as the injections are waaay cheaper than the Androgel (like, a quarter of the price), but stayed on gel for a bit longer because I was going on holiday and didn't want to have to worry about injections while away.

This was when I noticed my first long chest hair and little chin hairs

My voice started changing around this point

Month 9-12 For the last 3 months I've been on injections (0.25ml). I prepare the syringe but get my dad to give me the actual shot because I haven't been able to get myself to do it yet.

Voice has been steadily getting deeper, though it still breaks pretty frequently (and I haven't gotten fully used to talking at a lower register all the time)

I've gotten a lot more chest hairs as well as more hair in various other places on my body too, though nothing as obvious as the chest hairs.

The acne around my jaw has gotten worse, and I've noticed some acne on my shoulders, though not a lot. The skin on my shoulders feel like a different texture than previously (more rough and dry)

My period for the first two months on injections were ROUGH - they were both late and I got worse PMDD and headaches before they started, but the most recent period started a week early with no signs of it coming other than a headache the day before.

MUCH hornier. All the stuff I write lately is so fucking horny.

Noticed I had some bottom growth - my clit is bigger than it was before I started on T, though I had to double check some photos to see because it's not a huge difference.

I've also been slightly more anxious this month, and have gotten more throat-related colds over the last 6 months than I used to (like, I've gotten sick with very similar symptoms 4 times since September) but I don't think that's related to T?

[psychomorphary]

I started testosterone GAHT (gender-affirming hormone therapy) on September 11, 2023. I’ve been on T for 4 weeks. Since my month anniversary is up, I thought I’d give a list of all the changes I’ve noticed so far.

Higher body temp. Hot flashes; feeling overheated faster; feeling more comfortable with less clothes

Sweating more; somewhat more body odor.

Higher sex drive. Pretty much always turned on now; relieving myself more than before T; also some change in sensation and what I find pleasurable

Nipples constantly hard. Husband noticed this one before I did; dunno if this is some weird physical symptom, or if it's just because I'm always turned on now

Better mood, for the most part. Happier; less irritable; first shot immediately pulled me out of a PMDD episode

Higher appetite. Only gained about 3 lbs; plan on exercising more, so further weight gain, at least fat gain, shouldn't be a problem.

Somewhat more energy. Felt most energized after shots; more motivated and energized to do physically demanding things, like walking my dog and yard work; feel like I can go further when it comes to physically demanding things

First period post T was two days late. Less PMDD and period symptoms and pain. Might have been slightly lightly and less time, but it was hard to tell

Some bottom growth. More noticeable when felt instead of seen so far; can feel or sense that area more than I could before T

A little more body hair. Already had some slight facial hair pre-T, but it seems to be getting slightly darker now; looks thicker or darker on my calves, under my belly button, and armpits; starting to get dark hairs on my thighs; I think I'm starting to get more hair in my private area

Skin & hair more oily. Not a huge change yet, but it's noticeable

Voice starting to feel a little hoarse or tingly. Don't think there's been a noticeable change with the way my voice sounds, but it feels a little easier to sing along to deeper-voiced songs

Left photo is me pre-T, right photo is me 4 weeks on T. The only real difference I see is slightly darker facial hair

[spacemancharisma]

it’s been around a month since I went off T so I’m gonna just write up a steam of consciousness about it and y’all get to deal with that since I can’t make a read more on mobile (I’m gonna be talking about the effects of testosterone and weight mentions and body issues will come up, as a warning)

so I was on t for 6 months before I decided to take a break. and that’s another important point, this is a break, I’m not fully going off hrt forever. in those 6 months, my voice deepened, the hair on my face/arms/chest grew in thicker, I had some bottom growth, and the shape of my face changed. all of this I was super happy with except for the fat redistribution of my face- that made me uncomfortable just because my face has already been rounder than I like because of some birth control-related weight gain I had a couple years ago. that was definitely one of the main reasons I decided to go off t- I cut my hair super short about a month ago, ended up hating that haircut, but especially with my face shape on testosterone- it was super round and also made me look really masculine, to a point where I wasn’t comfortable anymore. and that was interesting for me, to confirm that I really am seeking a type of androgyny, that being too masculine is dysphoric for me just like being too feminine is. but anyway, with the super short haircut I just wasn’t comfortable with my level of masculinity, so that was definitely the tipping point for me going off t. but aside from that, I also am still hanging around my bio family enough that i’m not super comfortable transitioning much more than I already have, just for the sake of not raising any more suspicion. also (cw for discussion of reproductive health), my whole reproductive system hated me being on hrt. every time I started t, even if I had only missed a couple weeks, I would get a horrible yeast infection, internal and external, to the point of having to repeatedly call in a prescription. additionally, every few weeks there would be a smell like something was legitimately dead in my uterus, and that did and still does have me a little concerned about my endometrium (I still haven’t gotten my period back to find out if getting it all out of there will fix some imbalances). as far as going off t, the only downsides I really have right now are definitely starting my period again, I’m really not looking forward to that because mine are really rough, and also I do just miss that little bit of control over my gender and my body. it feels nice to exercise autonomy over yourself. longterm, I would like some more body hair and ideally I’d love to have an amount of stubble on my face that doesn’t look ridiculous (like my current sideburns-gotee combo), but I’m comfortable waiting for that. I’m only 23, i’ve got plany of time. other than that, I’m not going to lose the body hair i’ve already gotten, nor my bottom growth or my deeper voice. all of those are permanent changes and, even if i’d like more hair and more growth eventually, I’m comfortable sitting at where I’m at.

additionally, something that’s become really important to me is the language we use when discussing trans people who aren’t on hormones, or more specifically, trans people who went on hormones and then off again. that is not detransitioning. it is incredibly disrespectful to both trans people like me, who went on and then off of hrt, and also trans people who are not currently or will not ever physically transition, as it reduces the concept of transitioning down to only physical changes to the body. I still identify as trans, I am still socially transitioned among certain circles, this is in no way a detransition.

so yeah. just wanted to think my thoughts on everything. I’m comfortable right now. I’d like my hair to grow out faster but other than that I’m doing okay. and I think people should hear stories like mine, from people like me. being trans is a journey, and what your transition looks like is so incredibly personal and it’s never going to be just like somebody else’s. in the meantime, I’m vibing and keeping it tight. if you need me, hit me up on my mobile.

[helliontherapscallion]

Privileges (Adrenaline Junkie Part 11)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: slight description of death/injury/illness, small description of homelessness, slight panic attack

Word count: 2,845

You and Arthur sat at the top of the cliff for a while sitting in silence. Glancing at the sun’s position, you guessed that it’s been a couple of hours. You continued to wait patiently for him to gather his courage that you knew he had. He looked conflicted. 

The wild herds of livestock grazed peacefully below you, filling the silence with various moos and oinks. Various flowers colorfully dotted the green grass with multiple shades of vibrant blues, yellows, whites, and reds. The few clouds that littered the baby blue sky rolled endlessly above you, giving you a sense of peace and entertainment when you tried to make out mobs from the abstract shapes. The breeze lightly blew against your skin making you shiver every now and then from the feeling of it working its way through your feathers and hair. It was a perfect day for flying.

While you were waiting, you took out the snacks and water and handed them to Arthur. He originally didn’t want them, but you insisted he at least drink something today. He needed hydration if he was going to sit under the hot sun for hours. Every time he would take a deep breath (which was often), you would perk up and look at him ready to fully divert your attention towards him, only to look elsewhere when he would sigh. You were starting to lose your patience, but you knew you had to hold out for Arthur. That poor kid looks like he’s been through a lot in such a short amount of time. 

You mindlessly munched on a granola bar. The chocolate and grain danced on your tastebuds in perfect harmony like an old married couple gleefully waltzing at their grandchild's wedding. Washing down the taste with water, you feel the cool liquid slither it’s way down your throat, relieving parts with it’s refreshing properties. You let your mind wander to your brothers.

Technoblade, ever the individualistic, nonconforming anarchist, lived a couple of hours outside the outskirts of the Dream SMP lands. You visited his house once and it was nice, but you really didn’t like the cold. Your metal prosthetic froze to your amputated wing and it took several painful hours of waiting by the fireplace for it to unstick to your feathers. Techno appeared indifferent of the situation, but you knew he cared deep down. He always was a softie for his family members. 

Wilbur was in his element in L’manberg. Leadership came naturally for him, and you were immensely grateful for that. Without him, L’manberg would’ve gone down in history with dishonor. L’manberg was thriving under his just rule. Infrastructure was slowly starting to spread throughout the entirety of the small nation, making it easier to travel. You always flew everywhere, much to the disapproval of Wilbur (“(y/n), can’t you just use the roads I just built?”), so the infrastructure never really affected your daily life. You appreciated that he was working so hard to build his symphony up from measure one to the end. He was truly the heart and soul of his great nation.

Tommy was… well for lack of a better description, Tommy. You were incredibly proud of him, giving up his prized music discs was a gigantic sacrifice for him. It really showed how much he grew up from being the toddler you met a little over a decade ago. Your little brother wreaked havoc in L’manberg, but a good kind of havoc. Tommy and his partner in crime Tubbo were the ones that eased tension during the War. Even after the War, they always actively searched for adventure. They made people smile as they would run past, they knew they were in for a show later on in the day. Tommy and Tubbo gave the nation life outside of its physical growth, they were the morale of the nation. 

You supposed that you were somewhat important to L’manberg, but not as important as your brothers. Sure, they used your inventions to help fight Dream and his goons, but they would’ve been able to do that without your creations. Though, it was satisfying to see the looks on their faces when the L’manbergians whipped out the portable TNT launchers and automatic crossbows to absolutely decimate them. You didn’t really supply L’manberg with physical or morale growth, you were just… there. In your cramped workshop. Tinkering endlessly with inventions that you hoped would make people’s lives easier. 

“(Y/n), I’m ready.”

You jumped a little, turning to him and giving him what you hoped was an encouraging smile. He took a deep breath, looking anywhere but at you.

“It started when I was seven. Mama and Papa were sick. We didn’t have enough money to pay for a doctor, so me and my brother Hugh were trying our best to take care of them. We weren’t good enough though, they died after a couple weeks. 

“People came to take us away from Mama and Papa, but Hugh told me to run away as far as I could. He told me that he’d be right behind me. So, we ran to the woods. He said that he knew a few people that lived there that’d be able to help. We lived with them for three years, they were nice people. 

“One day, they needed supplies so me and Hugh went to go find a cave. The cave we found was really pretty, it had tons of redstone and iron. We went deeper and deeper til we found a huger cave. It had tons of feathers there and some red brown stuff on the walls.” You felt a shiver run down your spine as you realized that those were probably yours. You wondered if they were still down there.

His voice started to get strained and wobbly. “A-and we saw it. Hugh told me to hide and not make any noise so I did and… and it killed him.”

Tears steadily dribbled down Arthur’s freckled cheeks as his lip wobbled and his nose turned as red as his hair. He was starting to hyperventilate. You reached over and pulled Arthur into a tight winged hug. You gently rubbed his back and whispered reassurances into his ear.

“It’s alright Arthur, please breathe with me. In,” you took a deep breath, “and out.” You let out the breath. Even though his breath was steady a few minutes later, you still kept him in a tight hug. It absolutely devastated you that he went through so much in his short life. He started sobbing again.

“(Y/n), it took his soul! Hugh’s still down there with it!” He blubbered out.Your hand froze on his shoulder. 

What. It can’t take souls, could it? That’s not possible, right? …Right? You were going to have to ask Philza about it, but Arthur is your first and only priority right now. His loud sobs were slightly muffled by your shoulder as you felt your shirt get slightly wet with his tears. You did your best to comfort him, but you weren’t used to comforting a child that just lost his only family. 

“I’ll never let that happen to you again. I promise.”

You sat with Arthur protectively wrapped in your arms until you saw that the sun was going to set in the next few minutes. Not good, not good at all. You looked down at Arthur, his eyes were closed in a deep sleep, taking deep shuddering breaths in and out. Good, you needed to get him out of there and you didn’t want to traumatize him anymore than he already is by showing him how mobs react when you’re near them. 

You hastily packed up your stuff before taking off as quickly as you could without waking the sleeping boy. You flew as fast as you could through the air, keeping a tight grip on Arthur as you cut through the darkening sky. You could see zombies, skeletons, spiders, and the occasional enderman below you. Luckily, they didn’t notice you as you flew overhead. 

Just as the lit up house entered your line of sight, you felt something whiz past you accompanied by a strong gust of wind. Looking down, you realized that it was a skeleton. It shooting an arrow garnered the attention of the surrounding mobs as they turned their heads to look directly at you. Shit.

You pushed yourself to fly faster and twisted your body so that if an arrow were to land, it would hit you and not Arthur. You felt the air around you shift as a myriad of arrows were shot at you. Dodging the best you could, you glanced down at Arthur. Still asleep. Good, he didn’t need to see this.

Getting closer to the house, you lowered yourself to the ground fully and pushed your feet against the grass, running for dear life as you heard a fwoosh of air right next to your ear. FInally, you reached the doorknob and swung the door open. Flinging yourself and Arthur inside, you slammed the door behind you, hearing the banging of arrows hitting the wood. 

You leaned against the door panting and closed your eyes, clutching Arthur closer to you in relief. You opened your eyes and peered down at his face. Still asleep? How much of a deep sleeper was this kid? Maybe he was just extremely emotionally tired from earlier. That’s probably how he impossibly slept through all that. 

You pushed yourself off the door and headed up to Wilbur’s, well Arthur’s room so you could put him to bed. You peeled the covers back and placed him gently on the mattress. You covered his body with the heavy comforter and tucked him in. His face visibly relaxed and a slight smile quirked onto his lips. You took a deep breath and stood there watching him. That was certainly a close one. Way too close for your tastes. You almost got him killed because you lost track of time. 

You swept the bangs out of his eyes and left the room, gently closing the door behind you. You tiredly drug yourself down the stairs to the kitchen so you could at least grab a small snack before passing out in the comfort of your bed. Today was just not your day. At least you’d get a decent night’s sleep tonight. 

Walking into the kitchen, you saw Philza sitting at the table looking at you with… was that relief or anger? Or a mix? He stood up and quickly walked over to you. You tensed up, fully expecting to get yelled at, only to feel him hug you. You melted into his touch and felt small tears prick at the corner of your eyes. You really needed a hug after today.

“Don’t ever do that again. I don’t care that you’re an adult, do you know how worried I was? I thought you and Arthur got hurt. He’s just a child and you’re on your last life (y/n). You need to be more careful.”

You didn’t say anything. You just buried your face into his shoulder and let out a silent sob. “I was so scared Arthur was gonna get hurt, I didn’t know what to do.”

The emotion you were holding in all day from sleep deprivation and lack of nutrients completely spilled out. You felt pathetic, crying in your dad’s arms like you were a kid again. He rubbed soothing circles on your back and led you to the couch where you both sat in each other’s arms. Once you calmed down, you pulled away and wiped at your eyes, facing away from him so he didn’t see your weakness. 

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t sleep at all last night and everything just… came out.”

“Hey,” he chided gently, making you look at him, “don’t apologize for feeling emotions. You were bottling it all up weren’t you?”

You nodded shamefully. “...And what did I tell you and your brothers about holding it in?”

“Not to do it.” Your croaky voice cracked out. 

He smiled at you. “That’s my kid. Did you talk to Arthur?”

“Yeah. He’s actually alone, Dad. He doesn’t have anyone out there for him. And he… he said that they saw my feathers and blood down there on the walls and floor. Saw his brother get killed right in front of him… mentioned something about The Warden stealing his brother’s soul? It can’t do that right?”

You were met with silence. “...Right? Dad, you’re scaring me.”

“Yes, The Warden takes the souls of it’s dead. It’s how they live so long, they trap the souls in their chests and feast on the lifespans in rations until the soul is completely integrated into it’s very being.”

So that’s what the screaming white wisps that haunted your nightmares were. They were the souls of the dead. They were screaming in agony when The Warden killed you, so you thought they still held onto their humanity. You remembered hearing thousands of screams echoing off from the stony walls of the dark cave. Shuttering, you remembered how some of the souls stared at you in desperation and despair. 

“...So the souls are trapped with it forever?”

He nodded, not looking at you. The Warden killed you in your first life, why were you still… still you? It doesn’t make sense. 

You swallowed thickly. “Then why didn’t it take mine?”

“I don’t know hun, I wish I could tell you why. I thought you died for good before you respawned. I thought it took your soul.” His voice cracked slightly at the end.

You pulled him into a hug. “It didn’t and I’m still here. That’s the important part, Dad. I’m still here.”

Continuing to give him comfort, you trailed off as you remembered your first death. What could’ve prevented it from taking your soul like the rest? You blanched thinking about what it would’ve been like to be stuck with The Warden indefinitely. Trapped and suffering until it was fully integrated into it’s monstrous body for the rest of eternity. It sounded like hell on Earth. Before today, you thought death was the absolute worst outcome, but you were mistaken. You were given the mercy, no the privilege, of death that day. 

Was it because of the stone platform you landed on? That must’ve been it, there’s no other way you could’ve respawned if you landed anywhere else; the stone platform was the only space you could’ve landed that was far enough above the ground to bleed out. You remembered how your shattered ribs would grind together as you endlessly sobbed and the hot blood dripping off from your forehead and wing warming up your rapidly cooling form. Dying like that was a privilege compared to what the lost souls of the miners endured. You didn’t know how long they’ve been in there, but you still would rather die like that a thousand times over than have to be trapped inside that thing for all of eternity. 

Your thought process was interrupted as Philza pulled away and wiped the tears from his eyes. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was slightly blotchy, it’s been a while since you’ve seen him like that. He’s always been strong for you and your brothers. 

“...Why don’t we grab some dinner before we go to bed, I assume you didn’t eat…?”

His sheepish look gave you all the answers you needed. “There’s some leftover mushroom soup we could eat.”

You stood up and gave him a bright smile. “Let’s dig in then, I’m starving!”

He laughed as you pulled him off the couch and into the kitchen. “Did you eat anything after breakfast?”

You paused slightly then continued to pour the soup into two bowls. “...That’s not important.”

He pursed his lips. “(Y/n).”

“I had like a quarter of a granola bar if that counts.”

“(Y/n) you went through the day with only half your breakfast and a few cups of coffee in your system?”

“I know, I know, not healthy. But that still doesn’t take away from the fact that you didn’t eat dinner either.” You slid the bowl over to him across the table. 

His eyes narrowed in thought before he sighed in defeat. “Touché.”

You snorted and started to eat your soup. You hummed as the earthy flavor shimmied around in your mouth comforting you after today’s events. You automatically felt better after eating. You always found comfort in food. Before you knew it, both you and Philza were done with your dinners and were leaning back in your chairs. You felt your eyes start to droop against your will.

“Why don’t you go to bed and I can clean up. You look like you’re gonna pass out.” He snickered. You hummed in agreement, too tired to argue and murmured out a quiet “thanks. G’night, love ya.” You drug your feet up the stairs and plop down on your bed, passing out instantly as soon as your head hit the pillow.

Taglist (comment if you want to be added):

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[lesbianont]

changes on T after 1 month

• sore throat (from voice deepening) • very slight adam's apple protrusion • i'm stinkier and need to apply deodorant more often • my skin is very slightly rougher than usual • my voice is capable of being deeper, but my talking voice isn't deeper • i sweat more (more tmi stuff below)

• my pee smells • happy trail has longer hair, not thicker • bottom hair growth is faster

[lachesis-games]

Trouvaille Short Story

m!Trouvaille

tw: swearing, mild violence

~

This trip started out very simple. Go into the forest, gather spell ingredients, then get out. Getting dragged underwater by a sticky horse was not part of the plan.

While the others were searching for normal herbs like tarragon, nutmeg, or wormwood, you and Antigone waded knee deep in a wide pond. Morning sunlight streamed through the trees, casting an ethereal glow on the water’s surface.

“Remind me again what you need curly pondweed for?” you call out to her.

The witch doesn’t look up from her task when answering, “They promote growth in spells. And encourage perseverance.”

The plant itself was plentiful. Too plentiful, as she told you earlier that it was an invasive species. But every time you thought you found a good stem, Antigone waved you off, stating that your pick was too dark or too old or too tough.

You straighten up and stretch out your aching back. Tedium aside, the forest was beautiful in the morning. Red dragonflies skimmed the surface, creating ripples that jostled the aquatic flora. The natural song of chirping crickets and croaking frogs sounded throughout the clearing. At the water’s edge, a few meters to your right, you can see a dark figure among the cattails. It’s wide, but short, and moving slightly.

When you get closer, you can make out the creature’s long gray mane and thick black body. There are mossy spots and algae strewn across its body. It looks like it lives near the pond, but something about it seemed out of place in the tranquil forest.

“Um, Antigone?” you try to keep your voice down.

“What?”

“Are there supposed to be ponies in the forest?” You take your eyes off the animal to glance at her over your shoulder.

Her head snaps up and she drops the flat woven basket she’d been holding.

“Shit!”

Before either of you can react, the pony whinnies, rears up, and charges you. You’re too slow to dodge and it rams into you. Instead of sending you flying, you find yourself stuck to its flank as it dives deeper into the pond.

The pond is much deeper than expected and every few feet, the water gets colder and darker. Light brown sediment billows up as the probably-not-actually-a-pony settles into the bottom. 

The surprise attack, along with your wildly thumping heart means you’re losing air fast and the creature doesn’t seem like it’ll surface any time soon. Your elbow is fastened tight to the creature’s side. If you can just get to your dagger!

You open your eyes and regret it. The sting of the dirty water only hinders you more. You can’t see anything more than two feet in front of you clearly.

Panic sets in and you thrash and kick, desperately trying to separate from the creature. Its skin’s adhesive surface clings onto you. The harder you thrash, the more you pull at your own skin and clothes.

They say to be completely calm if you’re ever being held underwater, but the proverbial “they” are stupid and clearly have never been drowned before.

Black spots dance across your vision. Your lungs burn and your head starts to ache. Great. The artifact wouldn’t kill you. Nor would vampires or werewolves or any other badass way to die. No, you’re a lucky one. You get to die via drowning, stuck to this thing like gum on the bottom of someone’s shoe.

The pony flinches and so do you. It kicks up sediment in its panic. You get tossed around along with it until you feel a small hand on your shoulder. Sharp claws dig into you as it drags you away from the pony.

You can finally make out Antigone’s silhouette as she pulls you close. She presses her lips to yours. Air fills your lungs. Your vision and headache settle, and the burning sensation in your lungs subsides.

A blast of light breaks through your clenched eyelids. Her mouth is on yours again, breathing life into you. For some reason, though, she doesn’t do anything else. Just sits there and keeps breathing into you whenever your lungs start to burn again.

There’s a heavy splash above you. The cold sediment kicks up again and tiny bubbles pepper your face.

Someone hooks their arms under your armpits and the next thing you know, you’re being dragged up the bank of the pond.

Head spinning, you cough up what feels like gallons of water. In your delirium, you think you hear your name.

“There you are!” a familiar voice cries.

You rub your eyes and look up.

T.V. takes a step towards you, then stops. You want to tell him you’re alright, but Jackie grabs you in a bone-crushing hug.

Her clothes are soaking wet.

“We saw the basket floating in the pond! What the hell happened!?”

You hack more water and algae out of your lungs.

“Water pony,” you wheeze out.

“Huh?”

“Kelpie,” Antigone says through violent coughs. Despite her having been the one to save you, she seems much worse for wear. Dakota white-knuckles her hand.

“Kelpies are shapeshifters.” He pants, also soaking wet. T.V. is the only one bone dry. “They take the form of a pony or horse and drown people for fun,” he explains. “What happened?”

You take a deep breath, “It dragged me down underwater. Antigone came to save me.”

Dakota’s eyes widen as he grabs the witch by the shoulders.

“You did what? Are you high?” he demands.

“Wait, hang on!” Jackie interjects. “What’s the problem here? She kept them both alive until we got there!”

Dakota crosses his arms. “The problem here is that Annie can’t--!”

Antigone cuts him off. “What was I supposed to do? Let the kid drown?” she rasps and shrugs off her knit sweater.

“Of course not! I just--” Groaning, he buries his face into her neck. Antigone allows the touch and strokes his hair gently. Her tired gaze flickers over to you. Jackie’s concerned voice steals your attention.

“Let’s get you back to the shop,” she says, holding a hand out to you.

You clasp her hand and the two of you pull in tandem. The moment you put weight on your feet, searing pain shoots up your leg.

The ground rushes up to meet you, then stops when a pair of strong arms wrap around your middle.

As soon as their fingertips make contact, your head erupts in a pain like someone took an axe to it. There’s a ringing in your ears and you cry out.

Whoever’s holding you lets go and you hit the mud, writhing in agony.

“I— I’m so sorry!” T.V. manages through his groans of pain, hands clenched tightly to the sides of his head.

It feels like your skull is full of liquid metal. The cool water of the pond is tempting all of a sudden, kelpie and all.

Antigone presses a cool hand to your forehead and whispers something in a language you can’t understand.

Your head is still heavy, but the white hot pain ebbs.

She crawls over to Trouvaille to give him the same treatment. His agony seems to decrease faster than yours.

Through your delirium, you hear her snap at him, “That was unbelievably stupid!”

“I know,” he replies, rubbing his temples.

“You know? Mistakes like that can be fatal. Do not let your bleeding heart be the reason you both die.” 

Carefully avoiding her eyes, he says, “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t talk to him like that!” you protest through the pain.

“Shut up,” she snaps. “I don’t need one idiot defending another idiot.”

Jackie crosses her arms, “Very original with the insults.”

“I’m just calling them as they are. If they feel insulted, that’s on them.”

You clench your teeth, “He said he was sorry!”

“Sorry won’t bring back the dead,” she says directly at Trouvaille. Rounding on you, she says, “Let me take a look at that ankle.”

Your left ankle is inflamed and is taking on an angry red color. It must have happened when the kelpie hit you. The throbbing pain only grows as the adrenaline flushes from your veins.

She pokes an especially puffy part.

“Ow, fuck!” you cry out, hands grabbing onto your injured leg. “Why would you touch it!?”

“Punishment for being too slow to dodge the thing,” she deadpans.

“You think getting nearly drowned wasn’t enough punishment?”

“No.”

Thankfully, the poking ceases. A purple light emits from her clawed hand. She hovers over your ankle.

“Well, that is going to need a splint.” She retracts her hand.

“You can mend ribs but you can’t unsprain an ankle?” Jackie demands.

“For one thing, ‘unsprain’ is not a word. Second, normal treatment would take weeks. I can make it a few days. Any other grievances, hotshot?”

“Maybe if you were paying attention, oh powerful witch, you could have done something before it got this bad!” she shoots back.

The witch’s mercury eyes narrow. “You want to blame me for this?”

“I do. What are you gonna do about it?” Jackie takes a step forward.

“Don’t pick fights you can’t win, you little--” Antigone begins.

Dakota nudges her.

“We should head back.” They share a tense look, but she ultimately backs down. Then he turns to you, “Can I carry you?”

You nod in agreement. He places his hands under your knees and behind your back, careful not to jostle your ankle too much.

As he stands up, he takes on a comically cheerful tone. “Thank you flying Dakota Airlines! Please fasten your seatbelts and keep all electronics stored away until we reach cruising altitude.”

“Does this flight have snacks?” you jokingly ask.

“Check my pocket!”

You reach down into his kangaroo pouch and pull out a waterlogged 4 pak of Nutter Butters.

You raise an eyebrow. “You just carry these around?”

He shrugs. “I’m a growing boy.”

“You’re 25.”

“Okay? And?”

You chuckle. On the trek back to the car, you look over his shoulder to see sunlight glimmering off of caramel hair. Trouvaille strolls several feet behind you. He gives you a weak smile but makes no attempt to get any closer.

Reaching out for him, you beckon him closer. Not to touch, but you don’t like the wide berth he gives you.

He shakes his head. ‘I’m sorry,’ he mouths.

‘Don’t be.’

His smile doesn’t reach his eyes. Instead of coming to you, he speeds up to catch up to Jackie.

The few seconds that he’s near when he passes by makes your hair stand on end. You almost reach out to stop him. You don’t. You can’t. Dakota readjusts you in his arms. After making sure everyone’s out of earshot he finds your gaze.

“Try not to be too mad at Annie. She just wants to keep all of us safe,” he says.

You briefly wondered if he swallowed too much pond water.

“You make it sound like she cares,” you grumble.

“She does. She really does. You know how if you don’t socialize dogs at a young age, they have trouble with other dogs later on? She’s like that.”

Raising an eyebrow, you reply, “Would she be mad at you comparing her to a dog?”

“Not if you don’t tell her.”

You chuckle and look ahead to see the three of them walking side by side. Trouvaille turn his head slightly. For a moment, you lock eyes before he pointedly turns back around. Your heart reaches out for someone who won’t reach back.

“Hey,” Dakota recaptures your attention. “Sometimes the people we care about decide for themselves that we’re better off without them. Those people are amazingly stubborn, but we love them anyway. Probably because we like pain, but whatever.” Up ahead, Jackie jokes around with T.V. while Antigone keeps her distance off to the side. “I just...” you sigh. “I don’t know what I think. I tell him I’m fine and I’m not afraid to get hurt, but he still pushes me away.” “I think that half of it is protecting himself. You may not be afraid of getting hurt, but he might be. Give him space, but let him know he can come to you.” “Easier said than done.”

Dakota shrugs. “Just know that these things take time. And patience. So much patience.” You glance back and forth between him and the group ahead. 

“Why do you sound like you speak from experience?”

He grimaces, “If I said I don’t know what you’re taking about, would you believe me?”

“No.”

“Fair enough.”

Your gaze drifts between the trio in front of you.

“You can’t possibly--”

He cuts you off, “Wow, wouldya look at that! We’re at the car! Everyone please place your tray tables in the up position while we begin our descent!”

Trouvaille and Antigone are locked in a tense conversation. They stop to watch your approach until the witch mutters something and relinquishes her claim to the passenger seat. T.V. slides into the car without sparing you a glance.