#fast food vouchers

[roselites]

a nonsense christmas / tyler owens x reader

summary: an unexpected snowstorm traps tyler owens with his workplace nemesis over the holidays. bonus points: there was only one bed.

content warnings: f!reader, allusions to smut

word count: 9k

author’s note: happy holidays! 🎄🎊🤶🏻🕎 i hope they were merry and bright and as stress-free as possible. thank you so much for supporting my three little fics. this is unedited, but i wanted to post it before i went out of town as a gift made specially for the glen girlies - i wrote it to bring you some december cheer. see you next year!

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Over the span of the last twelve hours you’d lost count of the number of times you’d muttered that sentence underneath your breath.

First, it was the office building in New York, where Tyler had the appointment right after yours at a ritzy funding agency. Then it was the airport, where you’d both flown standby and had a Wild West confrontation over the last seat on the plane, only for another passenger to volunteer their place in exchange for a travel voucher. (“It’s not like I’m in a rush to see my family, anyway.”) The woman manning the desk had given you both a look that said, “See, this is how an adult behaves,” which you thought was rich when the guy was clearly trying to cheat his way out of a Christmas dinner. Then, Tyler got assigned the seat behind you on the plane, and in keeping with his infuriating personality, spent the entire flight kicking your seat - or, I’m sorry, just trying to stretch his legs.

After landing, you’d raced to the same rental car company. The woman at this desk kept pointing out that the weather seemed dire and that a snowstorm might hit at any moment, to which you assured her that you weren't headed far—a lie—and glared at Tyler’s back before shuffling into the parking lot with your borrowed keys, hoping his heater would break or that an ex-girlfriend had broken into his house during his absence and left coal in his stocking.

It turned out that the woman at Enterprise was right. The weather was dire; your visibility was shot to hell after the first forty miles, leaving you to squint through the flurry-turned-blizzard, your knuckles white on the steering wheel as you inched forward in your seat, as though you could magically see through the storm if only you pressed your nose just so to the windshield.

After a while you gave up and started to admit that unless you wanted to turn into a human Popsicle, you might need a Plan B. You let out a weary sigh, listening to the weather report on the radio—“If you're safe and cozy at home, it's gonna be a white Christmas, folks, but if you're out on the road, I suggest taking cover and waiting it out for Santa Claus to slide down the chimney.”

You scanned the passing road signs for fast food restaurants, gas stations, and rest stops, even took a few exits just to be hit with NO VACANCY in bright neon reds, making mental calculations for the rest of your trip.

Home was still a long way off: three hours, after dark. Normally you’d power through with an extra-large coffee, but it was snowing, and your window to remain safely on the road was closing with every passing minute.

Dammit.

After the fourth failed attempt at finding lodgings, you sat in the driver’s seat with the heater on and called your sister.

She answered after a few rings. In the background you heard your nephew and nieces screaming their heads off in that kid way. God, you loved those little rugrats but they were undoubtedly a nightmare—you imagined Margo plugging up one of her ears and waving at them to be quiet. Of course, to no avail.

“Where are you?” she demanded, the accusation sharp in her voice. You knew to expect it, so instead of answering, “Well, hello to you too, I can’t control the weather, in case you haven’t noticed,” you went with a plain response, facts only.

“Somewhere in the middle of Benburg.”

“Where?”

“Exactly.”

You heard her sigh. “The snow’s getting pretty bad.”

“No shit.”

“Hey, don't ‘no shit’ me! I told you traveling right before Christmas Eve was going to be a nightmare.”

“And I told you I had no choice.”

She paused. There was whispering on the other end, an almost-silence that put your body on high alert until, finally, she said, “Mom wants to talk to you.”

“Margo, no!”

Your protests fell on deaf ears. The phone was jostled as your mother took it and began to speak.

“Honey, are you almost here?”

Covering your face with your hands, you kept your voice light, knowing she’d be able to detect even the smallest hint of frustration, and then you’d have to put up with another round of “why on earth did you take a meeting in New York right before the holidays?”

“No, mom, I’ve still got a-ways to go.”

You pictured her narrowing her eyes, maybe placing a hand on her cocked hip.

“How long a-ways?”

“Less than two hours,” you lied.

It was absolutely more than two hours.

A pause. “Well, I guess that's okay.”

“I’m glad you think so.” Through gritted teeth and the voice of a demented schoolteacher, you added, “Mom, can you put Margo back on the phone now, please?”

“She wants to talk to you,” you heard her saying from a distance.

After some more jostling, you felt the caller change as you merged back onto the highway and left the motel behind.

“Marg, can you tell her to cut me some slack, please? I’m doing my best.”

“Ha!”

You glared at the console, hoping she could feel it over the phone.

“Gee, thanks! So much for the Christmas spirit!”

“Listen, when you have three kids, two dogs, a husband, all of your in-laws, your parents, and your stepmom breathing down your neck, I’ll have a little more sympathy.”

“Fine… But I promise I’m not leaving you in the lurch on purpose. My flight from New York got delayed, I had some asshole kicking me in the kidneys the whole time, and I can barely see a yard in front of me because of this storm—it’s not exactly a walk in the park for me either.”

No cigar; it was you who felt her glare over the phone this time. Clearly, her issues outweighed all of yours on this occasion, and knowing her sister-in-law, you were inclined to agree.

You added: “I’ll make it up to you.”

“You’d better.”

The wipers on your rented car worked overtime to clear your windshield. You were about to end the call to focus on driving when, up ahead, you saw the red and blue lights of a highway patrol vehicle stopping traffic.

“Oh shit,” you muttered under your breath.

“What?”

“The road is closed.”

“The whole road?”

“Yeah, Marg, the whole road.” She would've argued with you over your tone, except you cut her off with “Hold on—I’m being flagged down.”

A middle-aged man with a mustache came over to your car. He was wearing a fuzzy hat and holding a flashlight now that the purpling sky was fading to black. Without being asked, you lowered your window and shivered at the stream of icy wind that cut through the artificial heat.

“Evening, officer.”

“Good evening. Where’re you headed?”

“Sayre or roundabouts.”

“Rough night to be doing so. This road is no good, you're gonna have to turn around, find a place to wait it out for the night.”

Your heart sank. You knew Margo was listening to everything. By the time you made it home, your ledger would have a massive list in the red which she’d make you pay off somehow—by doing the dishes, playing horse with the kids, or worse, entertaining Kayleen, who would say as she always did that you really ought think about having children soon unless you wanted to get used to “a self-absorbed lifestyle.”

God forbid.

“Do you know anywhere that might have a last-minute vacancy?” you asked the officer, whose shiny name tag read HARRIS.

He scratched behind his ear, twisting his mouth in thought.

“Try the Sunnyside Inn. Back this way to Fairmont, right after the exit, left on Vail.”

“Thank you.”

“Merry Christmas.”

“Right. Merry Christmas.”

You put your window back up.

“Did you catch that?”

“Sounds like you're grounded,” said Margo. Her eyebrow must be arched because the judgment could be heard loud and clear—if you hadn’t gone to New York…

Well, there was nothing you could do about it now.

“It’s meant to clear up by morning. I’ll still be there long before Christmas.”

“You’d better be.” She sighed.

Your niece Haley was screaming out the words to “The Twelve Days of Christmas” like a possessed banshee and giggling at what she knew must be an ear-splitting performance. You didn't know whether to be more horrified or amused; you remembered doing something similar when you were a child, back when you didn't have to worry about spreadsheets and grants and the trials and tribulations of flying Economy during the worst time of the year.

Margo must be thinking the same. Her tone sounded a little more sympathetic when she said, “Drive safe, and let me know when you find somewhere to spend the night.”

“I will. Love you.”

“Love you, too. Don’t get murdered.”

“I’ll try.”

“Don’t try—do. Someone’s got to help me defuse the tension during Christmas dinner.”

“Me? Defuse tension?”

“Good point.”

After hanging up, you followed Officer Harris’s directions to the Sunnyside Inn. Wherever it was in relation to the highway, there weren’t any signs you could see from the road and it reminded you of a famous, albeit fictional, location where people did go to end up murdered.

You only hoped whoever was on duty at the check-in desk had zero resemblance to Norman Bates or you’d have no choice but to sleep in your car.

Ten minutes later, you arrived at a quaint little building like something out of a Hallmark movie with six parking spaces and no neon out front. The facade was fake stone, the ornamental bushes lining the circular drive covered in a postcard layer of fresh snow. The wooden sign read VACANCY and had an empty slot where the NO might go, which gave you the tiniest sliver of hope, tempered by the thought that a place like this might not pay the utmost attention to a detail like that, especially in the middle of a storm. All in all, it was the sort of place you stayed at when you had no choice, being off the beaten track, but it looked as well maintained as it could be given its age, which you dated back to the 70s because of its slanted roof.

You parked and got your suitcase out of the trunk, the wheels clattering and then coming to an abrupt stop when you saw a figure across the way doing the same with his black carry-on.

“You have got to be kidding me,” you called out.

Tyler Owens grinned. Even from here you could see the dimple on his cheek.

“Road closed?” he asked, still walking towards the entrance. You did the same, glaring as you tried to keep pace with him—no, tried to beat him to the front door.

“You know it is,” you answered, eyes narrowed, dashing the rest of the way just for his hand to reach the metal pull bar first. Damn his longer limbs.

With a smile, he opened the door and waved you through like a Manhattan doorman.

“Ladies first.”

“Wow, I didn't think you were remotely a gentleman.”

“What gave you that impression?”

You brushed past him into the heated lobby, pausing long enough for him to close the door so you could send him a pointed look.

“Oh, I don’t know… maybe your knee on my back?” you enunciated.

“I told you—that was an honest mistake.”

“Right.”

The Sunnyside had a single check-in desk that looked more like the host’s stand at your favorite restaurant than the counter at the cheapest Marriott, but it was decked in cute bells and garlands and baubles that glittered in the light. Behind it stood a woman around your age with straight, shoulder-length hair partially covered by a Santa hat.

As soon as she saw you walking in, she pushed the red strands out of her face and cleared her throat visibly before launching into a practiced spiel.

“Welcome to the Sunnyside Inn, where every day is sunny!”

She was smiling from ear to ear. The effect was a little like that of the creepy twins in The Shining and bah, humbug, were you not in the mood.

“Can I have a room for the night, please?”

You were made to feel guilty by the sudden fall of her face. But clearly Carol—you had to do a double take. Was her name really Carol? At-Christmastime Carol?—had gone to one hell of a customer service training program. Instead of letting your frown turn her smile upside down, she tacked it on with impressively greater fervor. The bell at the end of her hat rattled as she cleared her throat again.

“You’re in luck! We have one vacant room left in the entire hotel—continental breakfast included!”

“I’m sorry,” Tyler butted in, “did you say only one room?”

“Yes, er…” She looked between you, biting her glossed lip. “Is that a problem?”

“We’re not together,” you said, refusing to look in Tyler’s direction. 

Carol blushed. She was so pale that you thought it might be her actual blood you were seeing rising to her face and turning a shade of Veruca Salt. Or was it Violet Beauregarde?

“Oh!” she exclaimed. “I thought—well… you arrived together.”

“We arrived separately.”

“That’s not what it looked like.”

She blinked owlishly. Your own face was heating up as you felt Tyler putting his hand on his hip and sending you a shit-eating grin. You wouldn’t hear the end of this. You could practically hear him bringing it up at a later date, saying, “You’d be so lucky.”

You felt your jaw lock and your dentist cry. Lips together, teeth apart! She’d obviously never met anyone like Tyler Owens before.

“I can assure you, that's what it is,” you said in a steel-laced voice.

Carol might be an A+ at the customer service thing, but you were an A+ at staring people down until they begged for mercy. The only person you knew who was better at it was Margo, and the only person immune to it—though it drove you crazy to no end—was standing next to you, all six feet of him, in a jacket with snow at the shoulders that had quickly melted and rolled off the fabric. Shoulders… his annoyingly broad shoulders, which you’d had occasion to see with more frequency than you would’ve liked, dressed in what Samantha, one of your colleagues, described as his “slutty little white tees.”

It wasn’t enough for him to be a perpetual thorn in your side, he had to be attractive too, thereby proving that there was no God or that, Whoever they were, they must have an evil sense of humor.

“I’m so sorry.” Carol hung her head. Her hat drooped, the glitter-paper trimming on her suit drooped—there was a high chance that she was actually an elf and you’d just worked your way onto Santa’s Naughty list. Come midnight, you’d be visited by the ghosts of all your ex-lovers and Sarah DeAngelo, your high school nemesis.

Meanwhile, Tyler swooped in like the big hero.

“No worries, I’ll just stay at the next place,” he said. “What is the next place?”

“That would be the Cozy Roadside! But they're all booked up, I’m afraid… It's the storm, you see. Everyone’s trying to hunker down for the night.”

“Right…”

Well, he was taking it better than you’d have done—though it was clear he wasn’t jumping for joy at the thought of turning around and trying his luck in the growing whiteout.

And that was if there weren't more road closures along the way.

“Are you sure you're not together? I’m just saying… it is the holidays.” Carol’s little damn bell jingled again. Could you be charged with assault if you snatched it off her head? you wondered.

You pinned her with a stare and she had the temerity to flinch like a little cartoon dormouse.

“Meaning…?”

“Meaning, it's a time to let bygones be bygones! You make such a lovely couple…” Her laugh was high-pitched, nervous.

You might have ruffled like an angry bird of prey. “We are not—”

“Absolutely not,” said Tyler.

“‘Absolutely’?”

It was the closest you’d ever come to seeing Tyler crack under the force of your EF5 stare. He looked sheepish, his hands in his pockets, giving a little hunkered down shrug that might have been read as boyish and kind of adorable to someone else.

“Listen”—turning to Carol before you could rip him to shreds—“do you know of anywhere I could stay until the roads open up again?”

“I’m sorry, no.”

“What about the lobby?”

“I would if it were up to me, but it's against hotel policy. I could get a write-up.”

This hotel has a policy? You stopped yourself from blurting out the words. There was still a chance this Strawberry Shortcake of a person was one of Santa’s little helpers and, if you kept up being a meanie, you’d end up going to the Bad Place—the Bad Place being the seat next to Margo’s sister-in-law at dinner.

You sighed. “Does my room have a couch?”

“It has a chair,” Carol offered.

You exhaled through your nostrils like an angry bull—would the creature metaphors ever cease? Turning to Tyler, you held up a finger and said, “You’re gonna owe me big time,” and fished your wallet out of your bag.

You slammed your card onto the stand and waited for Carol to check you in. She took out a book from a little cubby and took down your name and ID number, then fiddled with one of those old-school credit card imprinters, the ones you had to use actual elbow grease to use.

“I can have extra linens sent up! And I’ll give you our Friends and Family rate—in honor of the season!”

You have got to be kidding me…

Tyler put his hand on your elbow, stopping your words.

“Thank you, Carol, you've been a real gem.”

Carol flushed again, preening under Tyler’s cowboy charm. I’m gonna be sick, you thought, grabbing your suitcase by the handle and wheeling towards the stairs before you could say anything else.

Your case banged against each carpet-covered step. Tyler was behind you, carrying his without sounds of trouble. You supposed that was a benefit to having arms the size of tree trunks, but you’d rather drop dead on this commercial grade floor than ask him for help.

To drown out the sound of the obvious weakness in your upper half, you adopted a high-pitched baby voice that was nothing like Tyler’s and said, “‘You’ve been a gem, Carol,’” just to mock him.

From Tyler came a huffed-out laugh. “Why, ’re you jealous?”

“As if. I hope your chair has bedbugs,” you called over your shoulder, arriving at the landing and looking for room 227. You unlocked the door without waiting, tossing your bag and coat onto the bed to stake your claim.

In the open doorway, Tyler paused to stare at the promised bit of furniture.

“Oh,” came out of his throat. “When she said chair, I thought she meant…”

You followed his gaze. Like Tyler, you’d pictured a dusty old recliner when Carol guilted you into sharing a room with him. The relic actually taking up space across from the queen-sized bed was a chair that might have come out of your high school principal’s office. The seat was covered in a similar material to the carpet, deep purple, not falling apart at the seams, but still just a chair.

Not in your wildest dreams would you think of making an enemy sleep on a thing like that. And here you were, poking fun at sweet, freckle-faced Carol… sweet, sweet Carol who had done you a bigger solid than you could’ve ever imagined.

Tomorrow at check-out, you were going to leave her a $50 tip. You might name your firstborn after her.

You looked at Tyler. He looked at you. The poor man was aghast, and the more he glanced despondently at his abode for the next eight hours, the funnier it got until you were cackling, actually cackling like a Disney witch.

You unzipped your suitcase and took out your toiletries bag, still laughing as you stepped into the room’s bathroom and sent him a little wave.

“Sweet dreams, Owens!”

Hell, it was Christmas—you’d be leaving Carol an even $100.

-

You made a point of taking your time in the shower, luxuriating both in the steam and the dejected look on Tyler’s face. A chair! An actual chair! After finishing, you took the robe hanging off the hook, figuring it was your prerogative as a lady, and opened the door just the tiniest crack to see what Tyler was up to. What you saw made you snatch your phone off the counter and leap from your hiding place like a fearless war photographer.

The shutter clicked, a series of lightning-quick flashes that caught Tyler’s attention. By the time he whipped his head to the side with a glare and a command to “delete that!” you’d snapped half-a-dozen photographs of his position on the makeshift “bed.”

Carol must have sent up linens while you were in the shower because he’d pushed the chair up against the coffee table in a futile attempt to be more comfortable; his legs stuck out to a truly comical degree and he was covered in a floral blanket that could only be described as grandmotherly. Your phone—bless it—had captured the exact moment of shock mixed with absolute indignity.

There was no way he’d be able to sleep without falling over. You only hoped that when he inevitably fell on his ass it happened with enough volume to wake you from the sound sleep you’d be having in bed by yourself.

You tucked your phone in your pocket, smiling like one of Hell’s angels.

“Absolutely not,” you said to his request. “Shower's yours.”

Tyler grabbed a bundle of things off the floor.

“Let me guess, you used up all the hot water.”

“You wound me,” you lied. “I’d never be so petty.”

He scoffed, gestured to his eyes in the universal symbol of I’m watching you and moved past, locking the bathroom door with a resolute click.

A few moments later, you heard the sound of the shower turning on and settled into bed—your lovely, only-yours bed—pleased that the sheets were clean, the mattress soft, the pillows comfortable, and debated whether or not to turn on the TV, but the shower taps squealed sooner than you expected.

Huh. Guess Tyler isn’t a fan of an ice-cold rinse.

You rushed to turn off the bedside lamp, adopting a deep-sleep pose. You barely managed in the time it took him to pad out into the main room, bringing with him a warm, clean, soapy smell.

You held your breath, imagined he could tell you were faking—especially when he paused his movements at the foot of your bed. But then his footsteps moved towards his sad little chair and he turned off his own light.

All you heard for a while was the rustling of sheets, the creaking of the chair beneath his weight. There was a moment of total silence when you almost fell asleep. Then he tossed and turned. The chair protested. You heard him groan.

“Y’alright over there?” you asked, hoping the answer was no.

Tyler’s words were laced with sarcasm.

“Who, me? Just peachy.”

“Nighty-night, then.”

You sighed contentedly and dozed, thinking about Tyler’s future back pain and the satisfaction of winning Carol over to your side with a generous tip. Take that, Tyler’s dimples! The problem was, you actually wanted to get a few hours’ sleep; there was still a fair bit of driving left for you to do, and Tyler just wouldn't shut up.

You heard every creak, shift, and sound of frustration.

Finally, you sat up and growled, “Could you try being more quietly uncomfortable?”

“Hey, I’m just trying to sleep.”

“I can hear your breathing all the way over here!”

“That's not my breathing,” he said, “that’s your guilty conscience.”

You glared into the dark. I will not let him get the better of me. You took a fortifying breath and kept your voice light—viciously light.

“You know, there’s still time for you to sleep in your car. You’ll be the first person ever to be cryogenically frozen.”

“That's not how cryogenics works, you muppet.”

You launched a pillow in his direction, pleased when it made contact. He sat up and protested, “Hey!”

“Did you just call me a muppet?! You know, if you disappeared I could always blame the storm.”

“Carol would remember me,” he rejoined.

“Maybe I’ll disappear Carol too.”

“Wow, two bodies? Sounds like you'll have your work cut out for you.”

“I’m very resourceful.”

“Oh, I bet you are…”

Argh! Slamming your fists down, you ground out the words you’d been holding back ever since you saw his grinning rodeo-ass face in New York:

“There is no way I’m letting you win that Heller Grant!”

Your nostrils flared, chest heaved, eyes all but emitted laser beams. Tyler, for his part, remained annoyingly composed.

“I don't think that's up to you. But,” he added, “I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.”

“Really? And why’s that?”

“No reason, just a friendly head’s up.”

“Something tells me there’s nothing friendly about it.”

He paused. “Hey, what’s a little harmless competition between meteorologists, right?”

“…Did you really just ask that question?”

You both knew scientists were messy as fuck. Denying that they could be egotistical, overly dramatic, delicate with their egos, and especially prone to schadenfreude was a cheap attempt on Tyler’s part.

He chuckled, as if admitting it was true.

“Fine, touché. But it’s really not personal. It's a grant—everyone wants to win it. It’s not like we’re trying to run you out of business or anything.”

“Oh, believe me, we aren’t worried about that,” you shot back. “Everyone knows Kate Carter is the ace up your sleeve. But that’s it—one ace.”

“One ace is all you need.”

“Not in this economy it’s not.”

“It’s about the storms!” Tyler said. “You do get that, don't you? Saving lives, limiting damage…”

“Right, I forgot—you're Saint Tyler, the Tornado Wrangler for profit!” you mocked.

There was a silence in the room, accusatory. Deafening. After this, you were definitely going on Santa’s Naughty list, you thought, not only this year but for at least fifteen to life.

“Sorry, that was shitty,” you admitted, swallowing your pride.

“Yeah, it was. You have no idea why I do what I do. And obviously I have no idea why you’re such a—”

“Bitch?” you supplied.

“I wouldn't use that word. I wouldn't,” he reiterated seriously. “I was going to say ‘why you’re such a bee in my bonnet.’”

You let out a snort. “Shut up.”

“Has anyone ever told you you're unreasonably distrustful?”

“Only about three-point-five therapists.”

“Why the point-five?” he asked.

“One was a grad student.”

He laughed. “Guess weather research doesn’t pay—even if you do wear fancy suits.”

That made you smile. You and Tyler were as diametrically opposed as two could people get, even down to your clothes.

“Let’s just agree,” you said, remembering the spirit of the season, “that we rub each other the wrong way and leave it at that.”

“Hey, I’ve never had a problem with you. I mean, yeah, we’re always up against each other for funding. It’s a race to the top—winner takes all, whoever publishes first gets the bragging rights. But that’s the game—I know that. Now, if you have a problem with me, this seems like as good a time as any to clear the air because I really have no idea what I could've done to make you hate my guts like this.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Oh, sure, be the mature one, take the high road… Tell me, Owens, does it ever get exhausting being so fucking perfect all the time?”

Another pause.

“What the hell are you going on about?” The chair creaked. “‘Perfect’? I’ve never said I was—FUCK!”

You perked up, reached an arm to turn on the light. Tyler was sprawled on the floor. The coffee table and chair were no longer attached and he was nursing what looked to be his hip while kicking at the granny blanket tangled round legs.

“Did you just fall into the gap?” you said eagerly, trying to record the image in your brain.

He wrestled the blanket until he finally won, then stood resentfully, his hair mussed, a crazed look in his eyes.

“Yes, I fell into the gap! But there was no video evidence,” he said pointing. “You can’t prove it. At this rate, it might be smarter to sleep on the floor.”

“Looks like it.”

You watched him kick the chair away with his foot and lay the blanket on top of the coarse brown carpet. He tossed his pillow down and picked up the sheet, holding it in front of his body and looking like he might actually prefer to try his luck in the parking lot than on the inhospitable floor. You observed him with interest, biting your thumbnail and watching his throat move with a sigh, the dejected set of his shoulders, the strong jaw set until it looked like it would break glass.

“Oh, fine!” you said. “You look like my senior dog trying to decide where to lay down!”

“You have a dog?” he asked with enough skepticism to be insulting.

“She lives with my sister.”

“What’s her name?” His jaw relaxed, eyes softened.

“Doppler. Don’t laugh!” you exclaimed, though it fell on deaf ears.

“That’s kind of… really nerdy.”

“Do you want to sleep on the floor?”

“I’m sleeping on the floor anyway.”

You whipped the covers off the left side of the bed. Tyler’s eyes almost bugged out of his head.

“No.”

“Come on, Owens, I don't have cooties.”

“It’s not about the cooties, I’m trying not to get killed Basic Instinct-style!”

You knew the scene: Sharon Stone fucking her rock star boyfriend before stabbing him to death with an ice pick. Unbidden, your mind filled with images of Tyler underneath you, his throat bared to you as you rode him.

“You wish!”

Tyler looked at you sternly.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“We’ll make a divider out of pillows!” you suggested, starting the master feat of engineering by plopping all your extra ones vertically down the center of the bed.

You didn’t know where this sudden stroke of generosity had come from. Only ten minutes before you would’ve been perfectly fine—nay, ecstatic—to know that Tyler was about to spend six hours in pain and discomfort.

Maybe it was your guilty conscience. Maybe he’d convinced you that this vendetta you had against him was one-sided and kind of silly. Maybe you just wanted to get some damn sleep without feeling like you were racking up bad karma by not offering to share the bed.

He eyed your attempts like a skeptic, his hands on his hips.

Damn, they were slutty little white tees… you thought.

“This is ridiculous,” he pointed out. And yet he’d dropped the sheet and stopped all attempts at sleeping on the floor like an imprisoned martyr.

“Ridiculous” was a good way to describe what the start of this holiday was turning out to be. If you’d told your past self that come December 23rd you’d be sharing a hotel room, even a bed, with Tyler Owens, you’d have laughed in your own face. But here it was—courtesy of the weather, a possible redheaded Christmas elf, and a series of minor coincidences that had all resulted in this: you shrugging and saying, “Tell me something I don’t know. Tick-tock,” you added with a clap for emphasis, “my goodwill has a time limit!”

“Very festive of you. Are you sure this is okay?”

He approached you with a cautious air, turning down the covers like you might yell “psych!” and attack him at any moment. Even when he laid himself down, it was at the very edge of the bed, and you thought he might end up on the floor anyway given a hasty mid-sleep roll, but then, that would be his own doing and he’d have nothing else to blame but his own clumsiness.

“Just keep your hands to yourself,” you decreed.

“Obviously.”

You turned the light off.

This isn’t so bad, you thought. If you closed your eyes, you could almost forget he was there. You hummed to yourself, snuggling down, finally making headway on the quest for rest and relaxation. Twenty minutes passed, maybe an hour. Hell, it might have been two—all you knew was that Tyler was not keeping up his end of the bargain.

“You’re encroaching on my space!” you hissed, pushing back against pillows that had moved to your side of the bed.

Tyler turned, not remorseful in the least. “I’ve got, like, half-a-foot on you! What do you want me to do?”

“That’s sizeist,” you sniffed.

There was a sound from his direction.

“Are you laughing?” you accused.

“Yeah, I’m laughing… You’re funny. And that’s how I know I don’t have a problem with you.”

You were unexpectedly pleased, despite his bed theft and the rehashing of your previous conversation. No one had ever called you funny before, though you’d always thought you were.

Tyler Owens thinks I’m funny?

So sue me—you were only human and not above hoarding little compliments.

“What did you mean,” he started to ask, shifting so that he could lay on his back, “about me being ‘perfect’? Not that I don’t find it flattering, it's just not true at all and it didn't sound like a good thing, by the way that you said it.”

You kept silent, staring at the A/C unit attached to the wall.

“I know you’re not asleep!” he declared, poking you in the back.

“And how would you know what I sound like asleep?”

“Well, it wouldn't sound like speaking, now would it?”

Shit. He had a point.

You let out a sigh, regretting your magnanimity now that you were in a dark room side-by-side with the man and couldn't avoid his charm or the ease he inspired like magic.

You’d always found that the most unsettling thing about him.

“You’re gonna get the grant,” you admitted with more sincerity than you meant. In your voice you could hear the layers of frustration and insecurity and anger and disappointment that you couldn’t face in the day, when you had people counting on you and a reputation to uphold.

Tyler was quiet a moment.

“You don't know that.”

“Yeah, I do. I’m not good with the whole… schmoozing thing. Not like you are.”

“Schmoozing?” he asked.

“That’s what it is! You’re good with people.”

“So are you.”

“No, I’m not,” you laughed bitterly, craning your neck to say it over your shoulder. “I’m prickly.”

“That’s bullshit,” Tyler said. “And, anyway, this is research, not a personality contest.”

“Ha!”

“You do know there are plenty of prickly scientists out there getting people to throw money at them all the time? Sometimes, it’s the pricklier the better—people think that if you're really a genius, you should treat everyone around you like the bottom of the garbage pail.”

“It’s different for you,” you pointed out.

“How so?”

You sat up, eyeing his shadowed form.

“Well, sweetie, there’s this thing called discrimination—it’s what happens when having certain anatomy makes people more inclined to think you know what you're doing.”

“Very profound… That’s not what you meant.”

He was right. While sexism did come into funding, as it came into a lot of things where it had no place, your main gripe about Tyler had nothing to do with him being a man and everything to do with him being, well, him.

You raked a hand through your hair.

“All you have to do is walk into a room and get pally with the panel,” you confessed. “I can’t compete with that.”

Somehow, through the dark, his eyes found yours. His expression was unreadable, but you could feel his attention on you, his scrutiny—thoughtful, patient, wanting to understand.

“I don’t know what to say,” he said at last.

“Seriously? You’re gonna make me be honest with you and then leave me holding the hot potato of awkwardness?”

“I’m not doing it on purpose,” he laughed. “I just… It’s not like I get up in the morning thinking, ‘Hm, what grant can I possibly steal from you today?’”

“Right,” you drawled, “you just can’t help being you.”

“I can’t!” he insisted, rising up on his elbows. “I like people. I like meeting them… talking to them—even the buttoned-up ones that look like they haven't been outside of an office building in months. I can't apologize for that. But it is a little unfair of you if your sole reason for being mean to me all the time amounts to two cents and a bit of pocket lint.”

“I am not mean!” you protested.

Tyler cocked his head.

“Okay, maybe I’m a bit brusque,” you allowed. “But I let you sleep in my bed!”

“For which I’ll be forever grateful…”

You opened your mouth.

“…but not enough to turn down the grant.”

You shrugged, not expecting him to hand you the award on a silver platter.

“It was worth a shot,” you said. Another joke.

Tyler gestured with his hands; you could see them fluttering around expressively in the near dark.

“You’ve just gotta stop approaching people and automatically assuming that they’re not on your side,” he said gently, and because you were a contrarian, you chose to take at least one-sixteenth of offense.

“Are you mansplaining relationships to me?”

“Not mansplaining, just a friendly bit of advice. Take it or leave it,” he tacked on, shrugging his shoulders—damn his shoulders…

“Thanks.”

You were trying to wrestle your brain away from the thought of his bare chest again.

His bare chest… the expanse of his chiseled abs, the dip of his hips…

You looked away, your face as hot as your shame. You would not have sex thoughts about a man you were sharing a bed platonically with. You would not admit to yourself that your traitorous gaze had wandered down to the outline of certain parts while he was standing there in gray sweats and a white T-shirt that left little or nothing to your debauched imagination.

You would not.

You would not.

Santa, come get me before I forfeit all brownie points for life.

“Now this is awkward.” The words slipped out of your mouth. You pulled the sheet up to your chin as if it were a straitjacket and Tyler chuckled to himself, probably thinking that you meant awkwardness at having a moment of vulnerability rather than red-hot lust.

“Go to sleep,” he said kindly, turning back on his left side.

“Alright. Night.”

“Night.”

-

Later, you would swear it didn't happen on purpose. At some point in the night, after Christmas Eve had settled well and truly over this random Oklahoma town, the pillow fort was forgotten as you and Tyler fell asleep, succumbing to the fatigue of the day’s travel and your late-night conversations.

The first inkling you had was that your pillow was far too warm against your cheek—and it moved, up and down, like the gentle swaying of a boat upon a calm sea. When you regained enough consciousness, you realized that the “pillow” kept a beat, and that's when you realized your pillow wasn't a pillow at all but the cradle of Tyler’s chest.

He’s quite comfortable, you thought, still half-asleep. He had his arm thrown around you and the tips of his fingers rested against a patch of naked back where your shirt had ridden up.

So far, so good; you couldn’t complain about the weighted blanket treatment—at least not in your hazy, sleep-softened state. You sighed happily, snuggling further into his shirt.

You felt his arms tighten.

His breathing shift.

You were straddling the line between dream and wakefulness when you noticed his legs tangled up in yours…

…and the hard protrusion pressing right against your stomach.

You opened your eyes. Tyler was awake and springing out of bed like he had a whole swarm of bees in his bonnet.

“Oh god,” he exclaimed, “I am so sorry! That is not… I did not—”

“It’s fine,” you tried to say.

“No! No, it’s not.”

“Tyler, would you stop acting like a virgin with the vapors? It’s cold, I’m not the stillest of sleepers, nothing was meant by it.”

He ran a hand through his hair, then put it on his hip, then pointed—you didn’t know at whom, he was simply unable to be still, and the more he panicked the more you thought it was silly how he was making such a big deal out of nothing.

(Okay, so maybe it wasn't nothing, but one of you had to be the adult about it.)

“I was not trying to put the moves on you,” he emphatically declared.

“That was made abundantly clear by what you said to Carol. Also by the drool on your pillow.”

“The—”

His gaze darted. His face took on an added hue of pallid as he bent over his pillow and straightened, eyebrows battened, finding nothing there.

“See, that was mean.”

“No, that was funny,” you laughed.

The whole time, you did your best to keep your eyes trained above his shoulders, though you had a bone-deep curiosity now that you’d felt the impression of his dick against your skin.

If your periphery was to be trusted—which, your doctor said you had excellent vision in that regard—he was as well-endowed as he was rumored to be, sometimes with envy, sometimes pejoratively and in relation to his ego. Now that you’d spent an entire day crossing paths, you weren't so sure about that last bit. But you were sure that in the privacy of your own thoughts, you’d have a bitch of a time unknowing that Tyler Owens was, in every regard, unfairly blessed.

“Back to neutral corners?” you asked, patting the bed.

Tyler stared at the mattress with something like horror.

“You are not being normal about this!” you exclaimed.

“Maybe I oughta sleep on the floor.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, it’s just for a few hours more.”

You sighed.

“Tyler James Owens, now you are the one being a muppet.”

“Take that back! And how do you even know my middle name?”

“It’s called Google. Now stop acting like a muppet and I’ll stop calling you one!”

Drat… You were so close, but your eyes snagged on the bulge in his pants at the exact moment Tyler was looking at you. There was no way to deny it.

You wiped your face of all expression.

Tyler pleaded, “Do not make this worse for me than it already is.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“You don’t have to, it's written all over your face.”

Me? My face? You pointed at yourself.

Tyler huffed, “You aren't letting me forget this for as long as I live, are you?”

“Not in your dreams…” you fessed up. “Need me to pace around the hall for ten minutes, let you take care of business? I have a spare sock you can hang on the door.”

“You’re evil.”

“Nooooo, where are you going?” you needled, watching him head to the bathroom with a scowl on his face. “I was having so much fun!”

“Mind your own business!” he yelled back.

“But Tyler, it’s perfectly natural!”

He locked the door.

Only then did you cover your mouth and really let yourself have a laugh.

-

He took exactly 23 minutes. You knew because you timed him, a childish impulse you indulged in trade for not probing the question of what he might be thinking about as he got off. Obviously, you knew enough biology to not flatter yourself into believing that his morning wood was down to you; still, you allowed yourself to believe it just the tiniest bit. It made you feel better—to think he was affected by you. To believe you weren’t alone in being provoked to unexpected places.

He came up to the bed with a wary glance. On purpose, you pretended to be uncommonly interested in your nails.

“I thought you’d be asleep.”

“Didn’t feel like it,” you said, buffing a nonexistent spot on your shirt. “All good?”

“Don’t start.” He took his pillow and made for the chair.

You clicked your tongue. “You really don't have to sleep on the floor, you know…”

Which was kind.

“...I thought that was the whole point of Tyler’s Special Solo Time.”

Which wasn’t.

He rounded on you with his finger outstretched.

“Do not call it that!”

“Okay!”

“Never again!”

“Fine!”

“And for your information—that isn’t what I was doing in there.”

“Oh!” you said, genuinely surprised, “I just assumed…”

“Well, you know what they say about assuming.”

You make an ASS out of U and ME.

Color me surprised—you genuinely thought Tyler had been in the bathroom rubbing one out.

Could it be that he was too much of a gentleman to do it with you the next room over? That seemed like the likeliest explanation.

You were touched. Weirdly, inappropriately.

Also let down by the fact that you weren’t sexually irresistible enough to make him lose all sense of propriety—granted, you hadn’t been trying to be sexually irresistible at the time, more like drooling into his shirt.

“God, what?” he asked, eyes boring into yours like he was trying to crack open your mind and read it like a book, pushed to the brink when he couldn’t figure out what you were thinking or if you believed him about not masturbating in the bathroom.

“Nothing! Why are you chewing me out just because you got an erection?”

“Don’t say ‘erection’!”

You rolled your eyes.

“I’m not gonna call it a boner—I’m not in middle school anymore!”

“You have gotta be kidding me…”

He face-planted onto the bed, not consciously, you didn’t think, more like the natural result of a situation that’d understandably fried his brain.

You could relate… and it was supremely satisfying to hear him say the words you’d been thinking for over a day: you have got to be kidding me, indeed.

“This is the weirdest fucking Christmas I have ever had,” he mumbled into the mattress.

You laughed, feeling not an ounce of animosity as you watched his prone form. He was funny, and he’d been nicer than you deserved. You no longer believed that he had kicked you in the back during your flight on purpose.

“What are your plans for the holidays?” you asked him, letting him off the hook about his penis.

He turned his head and searched you for any trace of nefarious intent. He answered when he was sure you weren’t going to keep messing with him.

“The team and I are going to Kate’s. Then I’m spending the start of the New Year at home, hopefully, if there isn’t another fire to put out.”

“You’re from Arkansas,” you said.

“Mm.”

“‘Regnat populus.’”

He quirked his brow.

“‘The People Rule,’” you explained. “You don't know your own state’s motto?”

“Nobody knows their state’s motto.”

“I had to learn them all for school.”

“High school?”

“Elementary.”

“Oh,” he laughed, “so you grew up rich.”

“Shut up.”

He sat against the headboard next to you, crossing his ankles.

“What made you want to become a meteorologist?”

“Seriously?” you asked.

“What?”

“It’s a cliched question.”

“It’s a getting-to-know-you question!”

You frowned.

“Why would you ever want to get to know me? I’ve done nothing but fight you since the day we met.”

“Why wouldn't I?”

Plain, simple.

The lamplight made it impossible to hide a thing. There was a line between his brows, as if he couldn’t for the life of him understand why you couldn’t understand. “I like people.” You’d thought it trite at the time, you didn’t trust it, but you were thinking maybe it was true. Instead of judging you by the way you challenged, harangued, goaded, mocked, judging him, he’d kept trying to figure you out. It was one of the reasons he was good at his job—the merging of both science- and people-smarts.

If you had a brain in your head, you might learn from him. But to do that you’d have to get your head out of your ass and stop seeing him as the enemy.

Except you didn’t.

Sometime between the Heller offices and this moment in the Sunnyside Inn, your feelings towards him had changed. The animosity? Gone. All that was left in its place was a newfound respect, fresh like the layer of snow sitting over the world outside the walls of your hotel room, and, if you were being brutally honest, an attraction that was hard to ignore.

You held your breath.

His hair, glinting bronze, was sleep-mussed—the detail intimate, arousing, just like the stubble on his cheeks and the rugged line of his throat leading to the curves of those shoulders you couldn’t stop thinking about. What was that one corny-as-fuck phrase some fuckboy musician had once said?

Sexual napalm.

Tyler Owens was sexual napalm and you weren’t immune.

“Stop looking at me like that,” you said.

It was Projection 101, but in this case you weren’t entirely wrong.

Tyler’s eyes wandered down to your mouth, seductive without even trying. He was breathing as fast as you, his lips parted, tongue peeking out to wet them when he said, “Can’t.”

And that was all it took. One second you were staring at each other with twin fuck-me expressions and the next you were in his lap, your hands buried in his hair. The kiss was eager—messy—uncaring of finesse, indifferent to perfection. It was the exact opposite of the way you’d been living your life and it was mostly down to him. Even when he’d been driving you absolutely insane, there was no denying that Tyler brought out in you something hard to control. He made you ambitious, competitive, unfiltered—sometimes to an unflattering degree—but God, did it feel good.

He tilted his head and delved his tongue into your mouth. You groaned, pulled him back by the hair until you felt a rumbling sound in his throat which you decided to chase on instinct, latching your mouth onto that part of him you’d been obsessing over for the last few hours, sucking, biting, laving your way down to his clavicle.

“This is not how you get to know someone,” you joked, feeling him get hard again underneath you.

“Yeah, it is…”

“Don’t say 'biblically.’”

He laughed—it was a giggle that made you smile and peer into his face.

“You said it, not me. Are you gonna kick me out of bed later?” he asked, stroking a hand up your thigh.

“No. Are you gonna run for the hills like I soiled your virtue?”

He balked. “That is not what I did.”

“Yeah, it is!”

“Well”—he nipped your jaw, hand slyly making its own path up to your breast, which he stroked open-palmed so that you rocked your hips against his—”I promise not to be virtuous at all for the next…” He glanced at his watch. “Three hours.”

“Three hours?”

“What can I say,” he shrugged. “I’m a people pleaser. It’s my curse.”

-

Suffice to say, by the time 10:00 o’clock rolled around and you and Tyler made your way down so you could settle up the room with Carol, you were feeling like a million bucks. Not even a full spa day could have infused you with this much energy.

There was a pep in your step, a smile plastered to your face, and when Carol said, “Happy holidays! It was nice having you with us!” you were so smug that you slipped the tip in her hand and said, “Thank you, Carol, you sure made it sunny!”

Tyler cackled, but tried to do it subtly. (And failed.)

Right on the money, the snow had stopped falling during the night. It’d be a white Christmas, all right, but you should be able to drive home safely and arrive in time for lunch.

Tyler loaded your suitcase into your car, gallant as ever.

“So,” he said.

“So.”

You exchanged shy glances, which was new for you. You’d never had reason to feel shy around Tyler before, but then, you’d had him inside you not too long ago and the memory of the things you’d done, the things you’d said, which you wouldn’t admit even under threat of perjury, were enough to make you almost blush.

“We should hit the road,” you said dumbly, schooling your features into an unbothered mask.

“Yeah. I’m sure the others have already made it to Ms. Carter’s farm.”

“Well… merry Christmas.”

“Yeah, merry Christmas.”

You opened your door, settled into your seat. You were about to pull the door closed when Tyler stopped it, hand closed around the top.

“Can I call you, after the holidays?”

“Sure.”

“Okay.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

He laughed. “Who’s holding the hot potato now, you or me?”

“I think we’re sharing this one,” you replied.

“I don’t mind that.”

“Yeah,” you said, “neither do I.”

He smiled at you for a while, then closed your door and watched you drive off. You followed his movements in the rearview until your paths diverged, then turned up the radio.

“Merry Christmas Eve, one and all! It’s a gorgeous one out there—we couldn’t have asked for better weather. Here’s one just for you. I’m sure you know it, so sing along: it’s Dean Martin and it’s our ‘Winter Wonderland,’ right here, in the heart of good ol’ Oklahoma…”

[drawing-prompt-s]

GoFundMe: Getting the kitten to the vet...

for a rabies shot, FIV testing, and a possible upper respiratory infection!

So someone sent in the last $305 I needed while I was asleep. I'm transferring it to my account now which means I'm a) shutting off the GFM as soon as the transfers process and b) taking in the kitten as soon as the money becomes available to me - so likely by Friday I'll take her in, or Saturday or Monday (they do half days Saturday, and are closed Monday).

GoFundMe Link Paypal Link

Venmo Link Cashapp Link

Multiple payment options available because I am typically asked for alternatives to GFM and PP.

$350 / $350

-------------

INFORMATION + VIDEO UNDER THE CUT!

From the GoFundMe description:

Hello!

So, unplanned, there is a new kitten in the house as of Feb. 22, 2024. (Not Jolene's, she is fixed). When at my friend's house - where I will be moving in a few months - we found out that a cat that comes to visit often is not only owned, but a mom. However, the neighbor doesn't want the kittens, so he always puts them outside and leaves them there. I could no, in my right mind, leave the kitten outside by a trashcan and under a tire in February of all months, so I brought her home.

So far I have treated her for hookworms, given her the vaccines I can do myself, and looked into getting a spay voucher from one of the local shelters. The kitten is roughly 3 months old.

However, current concerns are that she may have an upper respiratory infection (and there is always the concern that she could be FIV+). She has an inflamed eye with a regular and concerning amount of discharge and has for a few days. I have also caught her sneezing and she has started coughing on more than a few occasions. She also has a few other signs of sickness - anemia, the runs, and some blood spotted in it. If it is a URI, I need to catch it as fast as possible because I also have Jolene, my 3 year old cat. She absolutely also needs FIV testing and a rabies shot because of that, and because where we are moving there are other cats.

Jolene and the kitten have both been getting along well. The kitten loves to follow her around and Jolene acts more like the disgruntled big sister (don't let her fool you, I have caught them playing regularly - she just needs her alone adult time too).

I have already altered a bit of my projected finances and removed money from my savings to care for the kitten and help her. But there is only so far that can go as I also need to be able to afford gas, food, and furniture for the upcoming move (I'm going to start buying things soon so I can put it together and move my stuff prior to the official move date). I was trying to put off a full vet visit until sending the kitten in for a spay, but with her eye and the possibility of infection spreading to other cats, it can no longer wait.

I am shutting off this GFM as soon as I reach the goal. The vet said to budget for a little more than $300, between the base cost of a visit, FIV testing, rabies, and potential treatment for an Upper Respiratory Infection- assuming it's nothing too major. And I added a little more to what I am expecting because GFM does take a fee from donations.

If the kitten does end up being FIV+ we do have rehoming options available or I will find someone better suited to handle an FIV+ cat (either already having one of their own or a home with no pets).

I tried to take a video of the eye, but as you can imagine, a 3 month old kitten isn't the most keen on staying still, haha.

-------------

Let me add in the breakdown as well, now that I think about it:

Base cost for my vet to see a new cat (even as a pre-established client with other cats treated there): $100

FIV testing: $40

Rabies (and other vaccines I may be missing I was unable to do myself): $35 - $45

And the vet recommended budgeting about $100 for medications depending on what they find (if she still has worms, if she has other parasites due to being outside untreated, if she has a URI like the current concern is): $100

The rest is tax, the % upcharge for using a card, and to negate the fees that GFM with-drawls from each donation.

[strawheart-pirate]

What they do for their sick s/o who can’t leave the ship

Sanji, Nami, Law, Penguin & Shachi, Kid, Killer

CW: SFW. This is just fluff. no drugs, no alcohol, no smokes, just soup and pampering. Comfort. They go above and beyond for you.

Scenario: After weeks at sea, you finally reached an island, but you were unable to leave the ship. You had the flu, and because it came with a cough, fever and chills, you were not allowed to leave your bed. Your s/o went on the island to get some goods, and maybe they have a surprise for you.

Read part 1 here: Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, Robin, Franky, Brook

Sanji

- Since Sanji is a good listener and observer, he knew exactly what you needed. - Although he didn't want to leave your side, he had to gather a few things that would help you overcome your sickness. It took him only a short time to gather everything and he was back sooner than you expected. - He prepared a nice stew with only the best and freshest veggies and wrapped some small gifts. Not long after, he wheeled a small service cart next to your bed. It was packed with the small gifts, flowers in a vase and a steaming stew full of veggies. - “Sanji, it smells delicious.” – “I made you a very rich stew. We’ll get you back on your feet in no time with my special care.” You smiled at him. He insisted on feeding you, even though you were perfectly capable of holding the spoon with your own hands. You sulked at first but seeing him so happy made you enjoy it. - After your meal you unwrapped the little gifts. It was a few souvenirs and the one thing you’d been talking about for weeks. “Thank you, Sanji.” – “Anything for you. Now tell me. Do you want me to give you a massage, or do you want to watch a movie, or how can I help you?” - “This may sound strange, but can you read to me or tell me a story while I try to sleep?” – “Of course, just make yourself comfortable. Shall I tell you stories of the North Blue?” Sanji sat down on the bed beside you, and you made yourself comfortable and laid your head on his lap. - You fell asleep listening to Sanji’s smooth voice.

Nami

- Would boss the whole crew around to make you feel better and recover faster. Sanji would get most of her wrath, and he’d be ordered to cook you a soup and whatever you want. - Hits Luffy when he tries to steal your food away and is in a very bad mood because she wanted to enjoy the island together with you. - You would send her off to the island to give everyone a break (but make sure not to phrase it like that!). She would be gone for the whole day. - When she returns, she’ll apologize (but only to you) for being so stressed, but she’s just worried. She’d tell you about how she got nearly everything for free and show you all the new clothes and accessories. - In the end, she’d hand you a small box. She got you a little souvenir with the name of the island on it and added a voucher to it. “For later. We could take the shark submerge and visit an island of your choice...” She said with a soft smile, and you were once again amazed at how generous Nami could be. “Thank you Nami, you’re the best. I’m looking forward to our little trip.” You hugged her show your gratitude. - You spent the evening watching a movie until you fell asleep on her shoulder.

Trafalgar Law

- Your captain was very strict about the bed rest he prescribed you, so no island for you. Not even a glimpse of it. - Though he acted serious and cold towards you, his heart ached when you begged him to go. But it was for your own good that he was this persistent. - He made sure to have Bepo watch over you, knowing that you loved the bear and that he would be able to comfort you. - As he went about his duties on the island, his mind wandered off to you frequently and he thought hard about he could get you to lighten your mood and make up for not being able to visit the island. - He returned to the Polar Tang with a small bag in his hand. As he entered the room, you were fast asleep. He placed the paper bag on your nightstand and was about to leave quietly, when you shifted. - The smell of your favorite pastry woke you up and you saw Law before he could leave the room. “Law?” He slowly turned around. “I came to check on you, but you were asleep and-“ You interrupted him as you saw the paper bag on the nightstand. “Is that what I think it is?” Your eyes sparkled with excitement as you grabbed the bag and looked inside. “You went to a bakery for me?” You flashed him a smile and he looked away feeling caught. “Don’t read too much into it…” he muttered. You took his hand and smiled gratefully. “Thank you, Law.”  Law only squeezed your hand a little as an answer. “I have to go to set the new course.” He mumbled and left the room. - You just giggled at how flustered he was. As you ate your favorite pastry, you smiled thinking about how Law really went out of his way to treat you.

Penguin & Shachi

- They sat on either side of your bed and cried as if you were going to die. But you weren’t, and no matter how many times you told them, that you were going to get better, they still cried. The trash was full of wet tissues, and as much as you liked them, you needed a break. - So, you sent them off to the island to do whatever they wanted. - They were determined to find you something, anything that would help you and keep you from dying. They were not that good at cooking, so they needed to help you in another way. - When they came across a beauty shop, they went in. They took notes on how to do nails, how to give proper massages and how to do face masks and compressions. They left the shop with a large bag full of creams, oils, and tools. - Once they returned, Shachi prepared the tub for you with your favorite bubble bath and your rubber ducky, and washed your hair while you soaked in the tub. Meanwhile Penguin set up the room ready for your surprise. When you came back into the room, you noticed all the candles, cosmetics, and the incense sticks. It smelled nice. - “What’s this all about?” – “We can’t help your immune system, but we can help you relax.” Penguin explained and soon you found yourself being pampered by the men. Their hands were not as skilled as the professionals with the utensils or the movements, but they managed it quite well. And you really enjoyed it. - If you ask them to do your nails, they will make a competition out of it. - You had the most precious spa day with these guys and your weakened body really enjoyed their pampering.

Eustass Kid

- Kid was angry. Not at you, but the fact that you couldn’t get out of bed because of that damn flu really pissed him off. You tried to calm him down and told him, that you were okay (you weren’t okay, but he needed to calm down, so you swallowed your own sadness), but he wouldn’t listen. - “If I can’t kill the fucking flu, I’ll at least burn this fucking island to the ground.” He said and left. You were left alone in your bed, hoping for the best. - Kid left the ship alongside Killer. “Do you know how to kill the flu?” - “Give it some time and they will be fine. Some soup or medicine can ease the symptoms.” - With that in mind, Kid wandered around with an angry expression on his face. The people who came across him hid behind walls or changed their direction, no one wanted to be the one facing his wrath. Finally, Kid found what he was looking for. - “You!” He broke down the door and scattered inside. “You're caring for a sick one, I saw it from outside.” He had an angry scowl on his face, a vein was ticking, and his voice was demanding. The woman at the stove nodded hesitantly. - “I need that soup and whatever you have, that makes a sick person feel better. Now.” He commanded with a twisted smile. The frightened woman hurried up and placed a soup, some herbs, and creams in a bag. “Well done.” He said and left for the ship. - “The soup is good.” You smiled at him and took another spoonful of it. “That’s good, otherwise I’d tear this city apart.” You saw that he was restless and tense. “Tell you what, come here.” You moved to one side of the bed, and he sat down beside you, putting an arm around you. “Can you show me your little trick?” You asked and he smirked and was about to give a cocky answer, but you had already placed some screws and small metal parts in his palm before you continued to eat your soup. So, he let it slide and activated his powers. First, he locked the door, no need for an audience, and then he stacked the parts and formed little butterflies with them. You watched in awe as he let them fly across the room. - You set down the now empty bowl. “Thank you.” You said and played with one of the little metal creatures as Kid watched the scene with a confident smile.

Killer

- He has a plan. He knows how to deal with a sick Captain Kid, and he definitely knows what you need. - Grabbing his list, he went to the island and was determined to be back soon. But then Kid caused some trouble on the island, and he had to deescalate the whole situation. He came back with everything on his list, an angry captain, and a sour mood. - He went into the kitchen and started to prepare everything for you. If anyone entered the kitchen, he would take his anger out on them, so everyone avoided going near the kitchen, no matter how hungry they were. - You woke up when a now calm Killer entered the room with a hot meal, some meds, and a bottle of water. “Hey, sorry if I woke you up.” You gave him a tired smile and a delicious smell entered your nose. “It’s okay. Did you cook?” – “Yeah, hope it helps you get better.” You sat up and he placed the food on your lap. It tasted good and you hummed appreciatively. “Thank you. It’s delicious.” – “I’m glad you like it. I also bought some meds, just in case.” He said placing the meds on your nightstand. - After the meal, Killer sat down beside you and you curled up against him. You mumbled a small 'thank you' and quickly fell asleep while Killer watched over you.

All content unless otherwise stated belongs to: ©Strawheart-pirate. Please do not copy / modify / translate / repost my writing, banners or art on other platforms. Comments, reblogs or likes are highly appreciated!

[aetherdoesthings]

Heyyyy!!! ( ≧∀≦)ノ!!!! I was on tiktok, and now I have an idea. Can we get a Nami and Robin one where you're being rung up, and then the person would ask, "Will you be paying with cash or card?" "Wife" and then we move to let them pay. I think with the way way you write for them it would be perfect.

heyyy!!! (ツ ) ! so the thing is i deleted tiktok from my phone bc it got too addicting, but that sounds like such a funny idea i wanted to write it out.

forethoughts: there's a scenario for the two of them, and in each scenario the question will be asked and reader will answer 'wife'.

notes: modern setting, gn!reader

Nami

“I can’t believe you decided to eat at a McDonald’s, out of all places.” Nami let out a scoff.

“What’s wrong with that?” You frown.

“They’re shrinking their food and raising their prices, that’s what’s wrong!”

“But it’s still good.” You look at your girlfriend with those puppy eyes you knew she couldn’t say no to.

“Fine.” Nami rolled her eyes, digging into her purse as she pulled out her wallet.

“Alright, so that’s going to be $20.75. Will you be paying with cash or card?” The cashier presses a few buttons on the register, looking at you with a blank and bored look.

You smiled happily, stepping to the side as you grabbed Nami’s arm. “Wife.”

“What-”

“Hi.” Nami smiled sweetly at the cashier. “Here’s two vouchers, each takes ten dollars off any meal. And seventy five cents.”

Of course Nami wasn’t willing to spend more than a dollar at all at some fast food restaurant, even for you.

The cashier took it, putting it into the system. The moment Nami had the ticket to your meal in her hand, she said a quick thanks to the cashier before dragging you away.

“How do you even have a voucher for McDonald’s?” You asked her, perplexed.

“I have a voucher for everything, dear.” Nami smirked at you.

“How?”

“That’s a secret, dear.” Nami winked at you, planting a kiss on your forehead. “And I have vouchers for every fast food chain, since I know you like it so much for some reason. Really, if you want some good food, I’ll take you to a really nice restaurant, sweetie.”

“You’d pay for that but not for McDonald’s?”

“Certainly not!”

You stared at her with a confused look. Accepting Nami’s logic, you intertwined fingers with her, waiting for your dinner to be made.

Robin

“Why can’t I have both?” You whined, frowning at your girlfriend.

“Because it’s late, and you just had dinner. You don’t have enough space to fit two ice cream cones into your mouth.” Robin calmly explained.

“I promise I’ll finish both!” “Y/N.”

You frowned, as you walked up to the cashier, ordering one vanilla ice cream.

“Alright, that’ll be $4. Will you be paying with cash or card?”

You smile, a thought creeping to your mind. “Wife.”

“What do you mean by-”

You grab Robin’s arm, dragging her to face the cashier as you step to the side. She flashed you a dangerous look, before smiling at the cashier, paying with cash. When the cashier turns around to make the ice cream, Robin stares at you, a playful smirk on her face.

“I thought you brought your wallet with you, sweetheart.” Robin said.

“I did.”

“And you’re making me pay?”

“Mhm!” “Just because I didn’t let you eat two ice cream cones?”

You smile at Robin.

Robin returned the smile, but her eyes told you that once you got back home, she would make you regret your decision.

“One vanilla ice cream.” The cashier handed Robin your ice cream. Robin gave the cashier a quick thanks, before taking your hand and leading you back to the car. She gave you your cone, watching you eat the ice cream quickly before it could melt. You savored the dessert Robin bought for you, because you knew the moment your car pulled up to your house, you were at Robin’s full mercy.

[thornsent]

the poll is for attention but I'm curious what of this curiosities people would be drawn to... applying for apartments is really expensive when you're on an extremely fixed income due to disability and my partner and I really desperately need our own place!! things are really rough, please help us afford applications and down payments!!

vnm0 alumirust csh4pp $doppelgougar pypl alumirust@gmail.com

more info below the cut VVV

my girlfriend & I are both disabled queers currently unemployed while we try to apply for SS(D)I benefits. the state we live in blessedly has a temporary disability program but it's only $200/month, meaning we have very little income to work off of and our food stamps can only go so far for each of us. we're also in the midst of a housing crisis while we try to find an apartment on my section 8 voucher. we're living off of my girlfriend's savings while she was still able to work, but that's running out (and fast considering the car repairs she had to make and our unstable food situation as of late) and I'm really worried about being able to pay for applications and down payments. they're like $50/person here and the down payments would eat through our savings basically immediately, I'm genuinely terrified we're going to run out of money without a place to go and end up having to live out of her car.

[fuck-customers]

I fucking hate working with customers. Work in a fast food/cafe hybrid that's usually only manned by 1-2 people.

Considering the nature of the place it's not unusual to have to multitask, in the sense that while I'm taking a customers order I occasionally have to also be 1) making coffees 2) plating cakes 3) ringing up vouchers 4) bagging orders 5) restocking the section nearby the register, and so on and so forth, lest I fall behind and get swamped with orders.

Most people seem to understand this when they see I'm alone, but the few people who get haughty/bitchy when they're not getting my complete undivided attention never fail to piss me off. Prime example from a couple days ago, this woman approaches my register while I'm in the middle of a relatively big coffee order, so as opposed to making her wait I shuffle over to the register (coffee machine is right beside it) and go about the usual 'hi how can I help you' bullshit while still fixing shots and mixing the various syrups.

She raises an eyebrow at first, then starts her order. The moment I take my eyes away from her general direction to get a coffee wand for another shot, she pauses until I look back; my immediate reaction is 'Oh for fucks sake, it's one of these people'. Rinse and repeat this immature silent treatment until finally she says something like, 'You know, if you're too busy to look at me maybe you shouldn't have asked for my order'.

Like bitch are you serious? I'm clearly listening to you considering I've got down all your stupid items and their bullshit modifications thus far. You're really so childish you can't handle a worker doin their job not giving you undivided attention?

Asked her if she wanted to finish her order now or wait until I was done with the current one, to which she just said to cancel it because 'my attitude ruined her experience too much'. Fuck you, I hope you don't come back; and if you do I hope I'm in the middle of another order so we can do this dance again.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[chronicallycouchbound]

Unhoused Solidarity In Action

This is a non-exhaustive list of resources you might have access to, or know of, that can be used to aid unhoused community members directly. Many of these focus on direct mutual aid as individuals but can be helpful to consider when in community organizing settings. - What do you (or someone you know) have access to, that you can provide to the community? - Can they be accessed, used, or provided: regularly, occasionally, only in emergencies, weekly, daily, sporadically, consistently, etc.? - Consider seasonal needs (winter coats don’t help us when it’s 90 degrees out!) - Remember to practice active, informed consent with individuals and ask if these would be helpful! Don’t take it personally if your offer isn’t helpful to someone, it might help someone else. - These should be realistic and not compromise your safety or well-being. Remember to prioritize safety over comfort.

Housing

- Consider your relationship with this person (generally, don’t offer complete strangers into your home)

- Location matters a lot. Unhoused people often need to be near “hubs”/cities, close to resources and systems of care.

- Some people can’t live in hotels, couch surf, or any of these options without losing their housing vouchers, and in some cases health insurance or other assistance programs. Legal definitions of homelessness (used by voucher programs) usually don’t include people living in hotels/motels, or couch surfing (including most of these options). Check with the individual to see if this might be helpful.

Extra bedrooms

Campers, trailers

Couches

Apartments

Land/yards to camp on, park at, etc.

Donate funds or points for a hotel room

Shelters

Floor space

Safe parking lots to sleep in your car in (sleeping in your car is considered legal homelessness in most places)

Time

- Emotional capacity and minimizing the risk of burnout are important here especially

Do outreach with a community org

File for grants

Provide education materials

Share knowledge regarding resources

Emotional support - build genuine connections with your local unhoused neighbors

Reach out to companies for donations

Create or add to lists of resources, open bathrooms, etc.

Transportation

- One of the biggest barriers to accessing existing resources is transportation (also mailing addresses, internet access, and active phone service)

Personal car, ride-sharing/carpooling

Bus tickets/passes

Old/not frequently used bikes

Taxi services/vouchers

Uber/Lift gift cards

Carpooling

Coordinate rides for people

Food

- A lot of unhoused people prefer “comfort foods” to “health foods” - Ask about dietary restrictions, the cooking ability of the unhoused person, the cooking equipment, etc. - Soft foods are frequently more accessible to us as dental issues are very common - 100$ in fast food is significantly less than 100$ in homemade food

Can cook hot meals

Can pay for meals

Knows someone (person, business) who can supply food

Inviting people over for a meal

Gifting food (be sure to be considerate of dietary restrictions, cooking ability, equipment needed to cook, etc.)

Have a community dunkin gift card

Make or add to a fruit tree map (fallingfruit.org, community gardens, federal university campuses)

Money

- Money should be freely given, with no strings attached - Ask what form works best for them— cash apps/virtual, physical cash, gift cards, quarters, etc.

It is best to provide cash donations directly to impacted individuals (or organizations) with no strings attached

Provide relevant, local chain store gift cards (Grocery stores, coffee shops, restaurants)

Coordinate fundraisers

Apply for grants

Supplies

- Ask individuals what they need most!

Purchase and donate supplies directly to individuals or organizations

Reach out to businesses

Donate old phones or computers

Add someone to your family phone plan

Donate professional clothes for interviews

Donate an outfit you would actually wear

Talents, Trades, Skills

Your hobbies might be helpful! Crochet is extremely trendy right now (easy to learn, you could make hats/scarves for community members)!

Professional ties/experience Examples: You’re a cosmetologist who can do free haircuts for an hour each week, or you’re a graphic designer who can create a website for an organization for free, or you’re a nurse who can provide wound care to encampments

Community gardens

Connect with and partner with non-profits or community-based organizations in your area (or help start one if there’s none!)

Allow people to use you as a reference for job interviews

Bathrooms

- Not just toilets, but showers and mirrors are important too

Ask businesses to pledge to have open, public, accessible, and free restrooms

Your personal restroom

Make a list of local public restrooms

Free gym memberships or add someone to a gym plan

Services

- In order to access most services, you need most, if not all, of the following: transportation, identification, important paperwork, printing/faxing access, mailing addresses, internet access, active phone service, free time during business hours, and emotional and mental ability (and capacity) to complete everything required (forms, applications, phone calls, interviews, annual reviews, verifications) in a timely manner (usually on a strict deadline)

Case management experience you can volunteer

Peer support for service navigation (great option for people with prior lived experience)

Advocacy within services

Offer to provide a P.O. box or use your address to receive mail

Housing skills

Allow someone to use your library card for books, computers, the internet, etc. (most libraries won’t allow unhoused people to get a library card)

Volunteer at a shelter

Allow someone to use your home wifi, printer, phone number, mailbox, email, etc.

Fundraising

- If you can’t donate your own personal funds, fundraising is a great way to help out

Community mutual aid asks (in person or online)

Art walks

Skate competition

Concerts

Tip jar

Gift basket raffle

Clothing and food drive

Game tourney

Live streams

Start a GoFundMe for individuals/orgs

I strongly encourage you to look over the matching slides I created for this workshop: https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1VDngImsMByUFmKX611zAJ43a0UcYIfMBxrbh_g1IJvc/edit

As a disclaimer: I have been homeless/unhoused for over half of my life. My experiences of homelessness have included while being a infant, toddler, young child, preteen, teenager, and young adult. I am 24 years old. My most recent experience of being unhoused was last year, and I am currently precariously housed (meaning: at high risk of losing housing again). My experiences of homelessness have included sleeping outside in a tent, sleeping on park benches and under freeways, walking around all night to avoid hypothermia and freezing to death (something that has happened to several of my friends), couch surfing, sleeping in cars, squatting, sleeping in motels, living in a shelter, and institutionalized. I have been homeless with family a few times during early childhood and again when I was 15. All of my other experiences of homelessness have been on my own starting at age 9 or 10, and the last time I lived with a parent I was 16. I have been homeless in both rural and urban areas. I have been homeless in New England/Northeast United States as well as the Pacific Northwest.

In addition to this, I have many contributing factors to my experience, including being disabled, a person of color, trans, queer, a survivor of child abuse and CSA, being trafficked, and a drug user and a SWer, amongst other marginalized experiences.

That being said: my experience of being unhoused/homeless is not the universal experience. While I know many people of all different demographics who I’ve met on the streets, I cannot speak to every single person’s experiences. I especially cannot speak to experiences outside of the United States, aside from what I hear secondhand.

This is meant to serve as a general guide to accompany a workshop I created, and might not be helpful for everyone. If it’s not helpful, I hope it inspires others to offer creative solutions. I’m always working on expanding this list. Thank you for reading.

[sadfragilegirl]

TW/CW: Vent

The answer to this question, Xavier is: Yes, I am in a bad mood, and I feel so constantly draining. Here's why:

1. The drama all that happened in the Love and Deepspace fandom has got me so easily drained ever since a new LI finally debuted few days ago. Not only it causes chaos, discourse, misinformation and easily jumping into conclusions too fast, but also there are many people losing the love, joy and happiness of playing the game. Like, yes...Many people on Twitter and other social medias decided to deactivate or having their hiatus their accounts because of hate that they didn't deserve to be like this. Others are decided to stop playing the game forever.

2. Joining giveaways from my favorite things I really like, whether it's free food, free gift certificates, free in app purchases, merchandise, shopping vouchers or just about anything that I can won some most awesome prizes for free so I can save money without any worry. But no matter what I joined many times, I always lost, making it feel so sad and upset that I have to temporarily mute the pages until I am fully recovered from losing a giveaway that I joined from one of my favorite things that I like. And the more I lost the giveaways I joined, the more I feel drained.

3. Sometimes, when I get feel too overwhelmed, too upset and had enough of the drama and the hatred that it made me easily drained and upset...I feel like I just can't take it anymore. And sometimes, I don't feel like going on social media and take a break from chatting with my online friends for now. The number of negativity is too strong that I don't know if I could go forward once again. And when it happens, I might go to Tete-a-Tete with you when I get feel overwhelmed. (But don't worry, I will Tete-a-Tete when I feel happy about something too.)

Xavier... I want you to know that even if my life is been so difficult in both social medias and in the real life, I want you know and don't ever forget that I will love you no matter what happens. I faced so many rough roads that all I need right now is a hug from you.

I love you so much from the bottom of my heart. ❤️🌟❤️

[battleangel]

💉💊🗑️Addicted To Trash🗑️💊💉

Food scraps take up the most landfill space in the US. Think about that for a moment & process it. As much food insecurity as there is in the US. As many people that die from poverty & from hunger.

The millions of children that face an empty refrigerator & empty pantry every day after school. That don't have money for lunch and don't have access to a free lunch or lunch voucher program.

The parents that skip meals multiple days in a row so that their children can eat.

The sugar sandwiches, cereal with water, knocking on neighbors doors begging for food.

All so Americans that have more than they'll ever need can throw out more than they can ever eat while millions are food insecure and starve within the same country.

Buy loose fruits & vegetables at a local food market, buy food with minimal packaging, only purchase groceries & food items that you actually need & will use & avoid delivery, take out, fast food, fast casual, eating at a sit down restaurant, coffee & donut shops.

Per Google: Food waste accounts for 6% of global greenhouse gas emissions.

According to the Environmental Protection Agency, food scraps are the number one item sent to landfills in the United States.

Food waste accounts for 22% of municipal waste in the U.S.

We discard more food than any other country, even as the number of people experiencing food insecurity grows.

Food waste, which includes everything from meat and fish to fruit and vegetables, can take anywhere between one month and a year to decompose.

However, food decomposition can take longer in a landfill while releasing greenhouse gases into the atmosphere.

Americans are addicted & brainwashed. You can literally go days and even weeks as an American during hotter months without encountering air that hasnt been artificially cooled. Brainwashed!  Im 42 and my grandparents in rural Georgia that I visited and stayed with for a month every year as a kid didnt have air conditioning. Yet todays modern American life claims it isnt possible yet I did it for a month every year in my youth.

Per Google: Air conditioning, heating & refrigerators are the biggest wasters of energy in American households. The cooling industry is important, but it is also incredibly polluting – accounting for around 10% of global CO2 emissions. That is three times the amount produced by aviation and shipping combined. And as temperatures around the world continue to rise due to climate change, the demand for cooling will increase too.

The average American sets their AC to 68 to 72 degrees which is fucking absurd and ridiculous.

Set air conditioning to 78 to 80 when you are home and 80 when you are asleep and not home. 

I set my AC over the summer even during the current heat wave to 80 — I dont have central air in my 1 bedroom apartment, I have wall units in my living room & bedroom.

Use fans, wear light/minimal clothing or go naked inside your home (Ive done this) and drink 64+ ounces of water a day.

The average American keeps thermostat during winter at 72 to 80 degrees which is fucking absurd.

Per Google: Heat and air contributing to nearly half of a home’s energy usage. Today, 90% of American households have air-conditioning. America is addicted to home heating and cooling, consuming more energy for air-conditioning than the rest of the world combined.

Keep thermostat during cold months at 68 degrees. Layer clothing and wear blankets inside. 

Per Google: In the same report, the I.E.A. predicted that worldwide energy use by air-conditioners would triple by 2050, “requiring new electricity capacity the equivalent to the combined electricity capacity of the United States, the E.U. and Japan today.” 

The number of global cooling devices is estimated to increase from 3.6 billion to 9.5 billion by 2050, according to a report by the United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) and the IEA.

Without radical changes to the cooling industry, HFC emissions are projected to contribute warming equivalent to 20% of CO2 output in 2050, the UNEP report warns.

However, some say that refrigeration could be the number one way to reduce carbon emissions. 

Per Google: Much of the world’s recent growth in cooling capability has been an adaptive response to global warming. The problem is self-perpetuating, because the electricity that refrigerators and air-conditioners run on is mostly generated by burning fossil fuels. 

Part of the problem with refrigerants, however, is that much of the harm they cause is after we as consumers have finished using them. It occurs out of sight, and so largely out of mind.

Roughly 90% of refrigerant emissions occur at equipment’s end of life, according to Project Drawdown, a nonprofit that analyses climate solutions.

The most common HFC found in domestic fridges is HFC-134a, which has a global warming potential 3,400 times that of carbon dioxide. A typical fridge can contain between 0.05kg and 0.25kg of refrigerant, which if it leaks into the environment, the resulting emissions would be equivalent to driving 675km-3,427km (420-2,130 miles) in an average family-sized car.

Refrigerators are responsible for about 4% of a home's emissions, or 89 kg of CO2 per year.

The correlation between growth in efficiency and growth in consumption is not accidental.

Similarly to air conditioning & heating, if you've noticed a trend, just setting the temperature a few degrees higher/lower can make an extremely significant difference in terms of energy consumption, greenhouse gas emissions & your contributions to climate change.

Do people care enough to change their respective thermostats just a few degrees?

Set your refrigerator to between 35 and 38°F, and your freezer to between 0 and 5°F.

A refrigerator that's 10°F colder can use up to 25% more energy.

Ironically, as climate change progresses further, our home heating and cooling needs will continue to increase in order to insulate us from extreme weather.

"Ironically" or by design?

Home heating is the single largest source of power consumption in the home, and air-conditioning is the third.

Further, air conditioning in the U.S. accounts for 5% of total energy consumption annually, and releases approximately 100 million tons of carbon dioxide into the air.

When we asked Americans whether they program or adjust their home thermostats before they leave the house, an overwhelming majority (73%) said they do not.

The solution to so much environmental damage caused by Americans ridiculously blasting their central AC & heat is right in front of their faces and is blindingly obvious yet the mindless ecocide continues.

Why? Because you don't want to be slightly unfuckingcomfortable?

Layered clothing + blankets & lower setting central heat = Winter

Lighter minimal clothing + fans + higher setting central air = Summer

It IS that easy.

I do it every summer & winter in my 1 bedroom apartment.

Why don't 73% of Americans?

Because they don't fucking feel like it, that's why.

Avoid disposable products & avoid single use products.

Avoid ordering delivery & takeout & avoid buying food & drinks at restaurants, fast casual, fast food as it produces single use containers, cups, straws, utensils, napkins.

Avoid food packaging.

If you buy prepackaged snacks, consider making them yourselves — homemade granola bars, pop tarts, trail mix recipes, etc. can easily be found on Pinterest.

•Replace plastic water bottles with water filter + stainless steel thermos bottle. •Buy items with less packaging. •Purchase reusable containers. •Minimalism — buy needs only, not wants. •Repair instead of replace items. •Buy refurbished tech & electronic devices. •Go paperless - paper accounts for 40% of landfills in the US - 40 fucking percent!

Makeup wipes take 100 years to decompose.

Stop using make up wipes & use water, soap & a face towel instead.

Clothes can take up to 40 years to decompose!

Stop buying new clothes.

Buy used clothes only when needed from thrift shops, consignment shops, Goodwill, online thrift shops, Depop, Mercari, Poshmark.

The micro mininskirt I am wearing now is from Wet Seal and I got it when I was 17 over 25 years ago.

Outside of a missing button, it is good as new and I wear it all the time.

Stop with fast fashion.

Stop buying Shein, Fashion Nova, Romwe, Zaful. Stop going to the mall. Stop buying Forever 21 and H&M. Stop going to department stores. Stop buying Macys. Stop shopping at outlets. Stop buying from Nordstrom Rack. Stop buying clothes on Wish & Amazon.

Use and reuse the clothes you already have.

When they are no longer wearable, buy used clothes only — never new — from a thrift shop, consigment store, Goodwill or Depop, Poshmark or Mercari.

Stop buying new clothes!

Batteries can contaminate soil indefinitely -- use rechargeable batteries.

Sanitary pads are made of plastic & can take up to 800 years to decompose. 800 years!

Replace sanitary pads with period underwear (I use Proof) with ob tampons without applicators (what I do) or period cups with a stem to remove & insert (boil & sterilize after each cycle) or menstrual discs.

Pads & plastic tampon applicators have toxins, chemicals & pesticides that have been proven to cause excessive menstrual bleeding (heavy periods since 11 stopped when I switched from Always pads & Tampax tampons with plastic applicators to Proof Period Underwear & ob tampons without applicators), uterine cancer, fibroids, tumors & other reproductive issues.

Washer machines are also a problem.

Dryer sheets arent biodegradable — stop using them.

Doing laundry in a washer machine releases microplastics into the environment which ends up endangering, harming & killing oceanic creatures and polluting the ocean.

Handwash clothes when you can.

Do not own a washer and dryer as you will be encouraged to wash laundry more due to it conveniently being located inside your home.

Instead, opt for a living space without a washer and dryer (like my 1 bedroom apartment that Ive lived in for 10 years).

Limit trips to the laundromat to once a month or once every other month. Rewear clothing.

You dont have to “throw away clothes as dirty” after one use.

If it isnt stained or smelling, rewear it repeatedly.

Only go to the laundromat when you are out of clean clothes to wear.

I go about once a month to every two months.

If you already have a washer and dryer in your home, limit your use of them as much as possible.

Disposable diapers take 500 years to decompose.

500 fucking years.

Use cloth diapers.

Per Google: Yard waste is one of the top ten waste items in US landfills.

Per Google:

By weight, grass is the biggest component of yard waste, averaging half of all yard waste.

Leaves and brush each provide one quarter.

Either dont have a yard & dont live in a house as living in a house is itself wasteful, a climate change driver & overconsuming energy to simply even heat & cool such a large space.

Or if for some bizarre reason you feel you "need" a house or if you already own a house with a yard, do the following per junkloggers.com: When you mow, “grasscycle” by leaving grass clippings on your lawn instead of bagging then. The clippings will return nutrients to the soil instead of taking up space in landfills. Donate healthy plants that you want to replace to community gardens, parks and schools. Using recycled materials such as compost and recycled hardwood mulch help remove yard waste from landfills and reduces the “footprint” of your own landscape.

Follow the 5 Rs: •Refuse: Maximalism, consumerism, materialism & overconsumption, FOMO, sales & clearances, shiny new toy syndrome, shopping to impress others, trends, advertising that has intentional hypnotic messaging, includes brainwashing tactics, seductive messaging, endless repetition, psyops elements, psychological warfare to buy what they are advertising & selling. •Reuse: What you already have. •Reduce: What you buy & use therefore you will have less to throw away and recycle. •Repurpose: Fix broken glasses like I did, dont buy a new pair. I just bought a glasses repair kit for a few dollars versus wasting money on a new frame, new lenses & the fuel that would have been wasted to deliver the new pair of glasses to me. Repurpose gift bags & use reusable grocery bags as totes. Reuse junk mail and newspaper as gift wrap. •Recycle: Aluminum is indefinitely repurposable but takes 800 years to biodegrade. Wash out containers, check recycling numbers, separate items.  Recycling uses oil!

Keep in mind that Exxon and the oil industry relentlessly promoted recycling before it became ubiquitious because oil is needed to recyle.

Recycling uses a huge amount of energy and is itself a contributor to climate change.

Its important to do all five Rs.

Dont just mindlessly buy use throw away recycle like big oil and capitalism endlessly brainwash you to do. All those times that you threw trash away as a kid in school, did you ever think where it was going? All those times your dad took the trash out and left it by the curb when you were young, did you ever think about where that trash was going? Did you ever think about landfills? Oceanic pollution & waste? Air pollution & air quality? Non biodegradable waste? Greenhouse gas emissions? Methane gas emissions? Landfills burning? Mountains of trash? Ofcourse not. If youre American, it was, out of sight out of mind. Im 42. When I was in school playing sports, it was throw out the empty plastic Gatorade bottle and back to softball practice. Back to track practice. Throw away trash, return lunch tray, on to my next class. Mindless. Brainwashed. Addicted to trash. Air quality near landfills is also poor and can be hazardous to humans and wildlife. The unwelcome sights, sounds, and smells of landfills make life unpleasant for nearby residents and reduce the land’s purpose. Overfull landfills may require clearing arable land and forests to create more room. Mindless. Brainwashed. Addicted to trash.

A plastic straw takes 400 years to decompose.

Did you ever think about that on your birthday at the McDonalds playground as a child as you sipped on your Hi-C Orange from your plastic straw?

Programmed.

Plastic wrap takes 1000 years to decompose.

Do you think about the amount of plastic used to wrap bottled water, packaged items, consumer goods? Or do you buy, consume, use, throw away?

Mind controlled.

Ziploc bags take 1000 years to decompose. Did you think about that as a kid in the cafeteria when you removed the PB&J sandwich that your mother made for you every day?

Brainwashed.

Stop vacationing - airplanes, cruises & automobiles are enormous drivers of climate change. Stay local - go to a library, state fair, amusement park, carnival, museum, science center, have a staycation - movie marathon at home etc, take a local class - dancing, pottery, painting, etc., visit local farms & parks.

Deprogram yourself from the belief that you need to take annual vacations, summer trips, tropical vacations, exotic vacations or that you “need to get away” —

Get away from what? 

Zombified.

Avoid driving as much as you can. Automobiles and the fossil fuels to drive them are a huge contributor to climate change. Wherever possible, do not drive and use as minimal gas as you can. Walk, ride your bike or a scooter, skateboard, roller skate or rollerblade or take public transportation where available if you have to use a car try to carpool or rideshare. Question if you really have to go wherever youre driving and is it worth the additional contributions youre making to climate change. 

Can you recreate wherever youre going at home? Can you watch the sporting event on TV, stream the concert, watch the movie when it releases to VOD? Do you need to meet up in person or can you do a video call on Twitch or Whatsapp if they are not a walkable distance from you? Can you cook instead of eating out? Can you take an online class vs driving to the class? Can you walk to a local food market vs driving to a grocery chain or big box retail store?

If you dont need to drive where youre going, dont drive.

There are millions of cars on the roads in America every day contributing endlessly to climate change so if you dont have to contribute dont and minimize your contributions as much as possible. If you can sell or donate your car then do so. If you live in an area with minimal public transportation, then drive it as little as possible. 

Stop going out to just go out or socialize or be seen as its pointless & unnecessary. 

Do your hair yourself and/or cut your hair off (I shave my head bald every 3 to 6 months) & stop driving to the hair salon.

Shave your eyebrows (what I do) and stop driving to the nail salon to get eyebrows waxed or threaded or stop shaping your eyebrows.

Stop painting your nails (what I do) or paint them yourself and stop driving to the nail salon.

Stop buying new stuff and stop driving to the mall.

Stop eating out and stop driving to restaurants.

Stop getting massages and stop going to massage parlors.

Go paperless wherever you can and stop going to the post office.

Stop going to bars and nightclubs, its pointless & a waste of time.

Eliminate bars, nightclubs, shopping malls, restaurants, movie theaters, hair salons, nail salons, massage parlors, post office, grocery stores, big box retail from your life and that should minimize the driving you do.

Dont have children.

By far, human beings are the biggest contributors to climate change so why would you ever willingly produce one (or more than one) given the amount of ecological destruction & climate change humans have already caused?

If everyone avoided having children, we could voluntarily make ourselves go extinct and save planet earth vs the current trajectory of the earth being inhabitable within 100 years and then humanity colonizing Mars and then other planets then destroying those planets in a few thousand years then moving on to the next.

Wash rinse repeat. Stop the cycle.

People are financially rewarded for ecocidal practices so this wont stop so we need to voluntarily stop ourselves and stop reproducing and stop endlessly propagating our species — human — that has been responsible for over 75k animal species going extinct, the destruction of the ozone layer, climate change, greenhouse gas emissions, endless landfills, deforestation, oceanic & air pollution, etc. 

Leather shoes & rubber leather soles take 50 to 80 years to decompose.

Buy flats and wear them until they are unusable. Once that occurs, buy new flats.

You should only be doing this once every few years like I am.

If you stand at work, buy high quality sneakers and only replace when they are breaking down.

I havent bought shoes in over five years & sneakers in over ten years.

Cut hair off like I do and stop using any hair products.

I shave my head bald every 3 months and do not do any hair maintenance. I dont use shampoo, conditioner, grease, oil, moisturizer, hair wraps, brushes, etc and as you can see my hair is perfectly fine.

Buy refurbished tech & electronic devices.

Dont ever buy new.

Look up cobalt mines in Congo and how the materials to make batteries for cell phones, EVs, TVs etc (cobalt) is causing a genocide in Congo as it is the only country that has this mineral so Apple, Samsung, Tesla etc desperately need it for their devices.

Look up the warlords fighting over these mines and the civilians being murdered as a result.

Look up the conditions of the cobalt mines — they employ women and children, no protective gear is issued despite them working in underground mines, no labor laws so they are working 12 to 16 plus hour shifts up to seven days a week exposed to dangerous conditions, toxins, chemicals with no protective gear, clothing or eyewear, they are worked like absolute slaves and are dying in these mines.

They are literally dying for your pink iPhone.

Fuck IKEA. Stop buying furniture to impress people who don't give a fuck if you live or die much less what your fucking furniture looks like.

Per Google: Most furniture is made of non biodegradable & non recyclable materials like treated wood that can't be recycled.

It takes treated wood years to decompose, and any synthetic fabrics from covers or cushions also take a long time to break down.

A polyurethane seat cushion will take up to 1,000 years to decompose.

Only replace furniture if it is broken beyond the point of repair.

In ten years of living in my 1 bedroom apartment, I have only purchased furniture once.

Dont purchase furniture to impress people, for entertaining purposes, to keep up with your social circle, to flex.

Brainwashed. Mindless. Addicted to trash. Consumerist.

Overconsumption. Materialistic. Out of sight, out of mind.

Who cares if we destroy earth, we're colonizing Mars.

An 80 year human life is worth more than 75k extinct animal species and is worth thousands of tons of plastic that will take hundreds of years to break down in landfills and 6 football fields worth of forests being destroyed via deforestation.

Speciesism is cool as long as its humans being valued among all other species on the planet and even the planet itself.

Ecocide is cool. Environmental damage is whatever.

The destruction of the environment is just part of my brat girl summer.

Has anyone seen MaXXXine?

Who are the greys, Reptilians, minders & keepers?

[jenroses]

Welp that was a lot.

I'm currently Goldilocks in my just right bed with my just right pillows and just right sheets and perfect headboard with All The Little Comforts and my perfect little bedside light and phone holder after two wholly unexpected days of travel.

We arrived at the airport 3 hours early for our international flight and it took them two hours to decide not to let me fly. We jumped through a million hoops and got onto our plane home only for it to sit on the tarmac for an hour and a half and thus eating all the time set aside for our layover in Denver. We dashed through the airport as fast as a wheelchair can go, through picking up our bags and going through customs dropping off our bags and getting waylaid at security so they could pat me down and scrutinize every med and then through the trains and concourse to find an empty gate with no plane.

A nice airline lady gave us a voucher to a nice hotel and a lot of vouchers for food and booked us first class for the next day.

My bed is better than any hotel. My pillows are more perfect for me, the squishmallow for my knees, the hard overstuffed foam for my back, the funny neck pillows, the bed rail, the temperature. The smooth tencel sheets.

The hard foam under the firm mattress covered with a funny coil mattress cover and another layer of memory foam, no pressure anywhere but no sag either. I am the princess(gender neutral) and the pea and this is the comfortable bed with no bumps.

I missed it so much.

First class was actually less comfortable for me than two economy seats side by side.

I will never fly without supplemental oxygen again.

120 in vouchers for dinner and breakfast was almost exactly what was required to find foods I could eat and food my husband wanted. It was okay food but not plentiful. It upset my stomach.

I remember why I never eat at restaurants at home. It's because my digestive system really is that freaking fussy.

Denver is not a place I can sleep. I had to choose between keeping my airway open and putting enough oxygen in it. We asked for a plug strip. They never gave us one. So I couldn't have both the supplemental oxygen and the cpap at the same time. I tried doing it on battery and it kept beeping at me.

I travel with a plug strip. It's just it was in the checked bag.

The great tragedy of the moment is that I have to stand up and go downstairs to take my medicine.

[daimonclub]

Christmas Markets in England

London Christmas markets Christmas markets in England, the best wonderful Christmas markets in London, and in Bath, Bristol, Chester, Winchester, York, Leeds, Birmingham and Manchester The festive period is fast approaching and what better way to celebrate than with a trip to a Christmas market in England? Christmas markets in England mean sparkling lights, gorgeous presents, carol-singers, ice rinks, and mugs of mulled wine, making the winter holiday season a delightful time of year. Every big city has a Christmas Market when the time is right. England’s Christmas Markets are fun, they’re festive and the fragrance of mulled wine on the airwaves keeps the punters coming. Best Christmas markets in London The locations below annually host some of the top Christmas markets in London, which usually stay open until the New Year. Christmas by the River at London Bridge City Christmas By The River at London Bridge City is set against stunning views of Tower Bridge and the Tower of London, offering wooden huts packed with original presents, handmade crafts and plenty of delicious snacks. Indulge in mouthwatering food from an array of pop-up stalls and admire one of London's most iconic skyline views with a steaming cup of mulled wine. Selfridges Christmas Market The Selfridges Christmas Market returns to Edwards Mews again this Christmas. Enjoy sizzling street food from vendors curated by the founder of Street Feast, Dominic Cools-Lartigue, including waffles dripping with chocolate, Filipino treats and pie and mash. This outdoor market brings fairground rides for kids and adults, personalised wreaths made in front of you and heaps of stalls selling Christmas goodies. Winter Wonderland Christmas market The annual Hyde Park Winter Wonderland is situated in one of the city’s most spectacular parks. You’ll find over 100 illuminated wooden chalets decorated in Bavarian style selling handicrafts and fantastic gifts from around the world, including handmade crafts and beautiful pieces of jewellery. You can also enjoy traditional German street food and mulled wine. Winter Follow the lights to Hyde Park and immerse yourself in the festive atmosphere of Winter Wonderland, one of the biggest Christmas markets in London. You can also get your skates on at the UK's biggest outdoor ice rink, see London sparkle from the Giant Observation Wheel, or sit back and enjoy one of Winter Wonderland's top Christmas shows.

Winterville Christmas Market Leicester Square Christmas market Experience festive fun with Christmas in Leicester Square, which gives the home of blockbuster film premieres a yuletide makeover. Browse the traditional market filled with a wonderful array of crafts and tempting treats. Afterwards, head to the Belgian spiegeltent to enjoy a brilliant lineup of comedy, cabaret and magic shows. Southbank Centre Winter Market See the South Bank's riverside transformed into a wintry wonderland, where global cuisine and an artisan Christmas market come together in one sparkling location for Southbank Centre's Winter Festival. Amble past the traditional wooden chalets lining the banks of the Thames and pick up gorgeous stocking fillers from the Winter Market. Or, tuck into cheese-based food, cocktails and mulled wine surrounded by the glow of neon artworks, as part of the Winter Lights display. Eccleston Yards Christmas Market Explore the buzzy open-air mall which makes up this stunning courtyard. Browse stalls filled with trinkets and unique gifts at Eccleston Yards Christmas Market, which brings festive cheer, new traders and live music to this open space during the countdown to Christmas. Treat the special people in your life to London vouchers for top spots or browse luxury Christmas gifts and experiences in the city. Borough Market Tour the historical arches of Borough Market, decked out with lights, decorations and twinkling ornaments, as you source the finest seasonal foods while listening to choirs and buskers singing jolly tunes. Indulge in An Evening of Cheese (15 Dec), or pick up foodie tips and tricks during three days of Festive Kitchen demonstrations (7-9 Dec). From 16 Nov Greenwich Christmas market Tick items off your Christmas shopping list while browsing Greenwich Market's 150 stalls and shops, selling a range of stocking fillers, fashion items, crafts and original artworks. Make sure to also wander around the ancient maritime neighbourhood of Greenwich, which is decked out with lights and festive goodies. Plus, watch as brightly coloured lanterns parade through the area during the Christmas lights switch on.

Christmas markets in England Christmas under the Canopy at King's Cross Get hands-on at craft workshops at Christmas under the Canopy, a covered market found in King's Cross. Following your creative work, browse the array of stalls to find live jazz, carol singers, food tastings, mulled wine and masterclasses at Canopy Market, which welcomes a number of independent, ethical and sustainable vendors. Kingston Christmas Market Venture over to picturesque Kingston upon Thames, where you can search the riverside town's Ancient Market Place for unique Christmas gifts at the Kingston Christmas Market. The cosy cabins are packed with a range of handmade arts and crafts, beautiful decorations and stocking fillers. Afterwards, enjoy seasonal entertainment while tucking into some specialist street food. Other Best Christmas Markets in England Manchester Christmas Markets Birmingham Frankfurt Christmas Market Leeds Christkindelmarkt Bath Christmas Market York’s St Nicholas Christmas Fair Bristol Christmas Market Chester Christmas Market Winchester Christmas Market Manchester Christmas Markets Manchester is home to some of the best Christmas markets in the country and is known as one of the best markets in Europe. There are more than nine of them scattered throughout the city centre, which makes it a true paradise for Christmas enthusiasts! You’ll find a diverse range of food and drink stalls at all of them, each offering a unique experience. The largest market is in Albert Square, which features a German village packed with food and drink stalls. If you’re visiting Manchester in December, it’s a must do!

Manchester Christmas market Birmingham Frankfurt Christmas Market In Birmingham, you can find the largest authentic German Christmas Market outside of Germany. Anyone looking for some Christmas gifts will find beautiful decorations and handcrafted items to choose from, but the real reason to go is for the fab food and drink. Victoria Square is filled with the most delicious smell of Christmas as stalls sell traditional German food. You can sample authentic bratwurst, pretzels, schnitzels, and hot chestnuts. You can even get half-metre sausages, if that sounds good to you – and if you’re thirsty there are four pint jugs of beer or sweet little mugs of flavoured gluhwein too. Leeds Christkindelmarkt Leeds Chrsitkindelmarkt is one of the oldest German Christmas markets in England. Throughout the square are wooden stalls selling beautiful toys, jewellery, crafts, decorations, and other items. A jingling carousel ride with lively music and vibrant coloured lights creates a festive mood throughout the entire Christmas village. The fairground style rides for children and its ‘Breakfast with Santa’ experience are among its most popular attractions. This is a ticketed event that happens on Saturday and Sunday. The Bavarian style restaurant Alp Chalet is in the centre of Millennium Square, and during Christmas, families and kids are invited to enjoy a Christmas breakfast with Santa in traditional German style. Bath Christmas Market Bath hosts one of the most beautiful Christmas markets in England every year. During the winter months, Bath isn’t only wonderful due to its gorgeous architecture, but even more beautiful thanks to its festive atmosphere, and the excellent Bath Christmas Market. A day out in Bath is always a good idea, particularly in winter when it’s definitely one of the best festive days out in the Cotswolds. “With over 130 twinkling chalets, soak up the sights and scents of Christmas as you meander through the cobbled streets surrounded by some of the South West’s most talented crafters. Enjoy a festive experience like no other, surrounded by some of Britain’s iconic architecture. Christmas Markets with stalls are spread all over Bath, on its streets and in small squares surrounding Bath Cathedral.

Bath Christmas Market It’s possible to find independent producers selling their products on many stalls. It’s a great place to find all kinds of handcrafted gifts and decorations, as well as some of the best food and mulled wine. Festive streetlights are strung on the town’s most iconic buildings and streets. A major feature of Bath Christmas Market is the Victorian merry-go-round, suitable for children and adults on the horses or in carriages. York’s St Nicholas Christmas Fair York’s Christmas Market is one of the most picturesque Christmas markets in England. Wooden, alpine-style chalets border York’s pedestrianised city streets, selling locally manufactured crafts, art, food, and drink. Shoppers can enjoy a range of tantalising free samples to try as well as one-of-a-kind presents to purchase. A big, decorated Christmas tree, live entertainment, and beautiful night time illuminations help to create a bright festive mood. Thor’s Tipi, a massive canvas tipi specially created for the Christmas season, is the show-stopper at the Christmas market. Foot-sore customers can relax on soft blankets in front of a roaring log fire and sip mulled wine or creamy hot chocolate and soak up the atmosphere. York Christmas Market is one of the best Christmas days out in Yorkshire! Bristol Christmas Market Bristol Christmas Market in England is more about spending time to appreciate the ambiance and allowing yourself the opportunity to relax or see friends. The Bristol Christmas Market takes place in Broadmead, the city’s Shopping Quarter. It’s a compact but well structured market with a well-planned assortment of booths offering something unique, ensuring you’ll discover the ideal one-of-a-kind Christmas gift. The bar at the heart of the market attracts families with a singing reindeer at the entrance, and while they do serve alcoholic drinks, you can also get a reasonably priced hot chocolate to keep you warm while listening to your favourite festive tunes and watching the frantic last-minute shoppers running past. “Located in the very heart of Bristol City Centre, the Christmas market is home to over 50 unique stalls, as well as entertainment from the likes of Santa and reindeer visits in December. Visitors can enjoy heated seating, delicious drinks and live music in our Jäger Barn Bar, and also try their hand at the much-loved sport of curling for some competitive fun.“

Christmas markets in the UK Chester Christmas Market This mediaeval city in northwest England is notable for its Roman fortifications and walls, as well as Tudor-style timber houses. Then there’s the magical Chester Christmas Market. This is one of the greatest English Christmas markets to visit if you’re looking for something a bit more traditional. Over 70 traditional wooden chalets are situated on the city’s Town Hall Square, with the magnificent Chester Cathedral as a backdrop. Visiting makes for a great day out in Cheshire. Pick up some mulled wine or a tasty hog roast bap after browsing the stalls for handmade crafts, clothing, jewellery, and local produce. Stop by the Real Ale Bar for a Christmas drink or a local cask ale and take a photo in front of the spectacular Christmas tree to really make your Chester Christmas Market experience. Winchester Christmas Market What better way to immerse yourself in the Christmas spirit than at Winchester Cathedral? The monumental Gothic cathedral, in the centre of Britain’s former capital city, towers imposingly over the quaint English Christmas Market, which promises tidings of joy. Winchester has one of the best Christmas Markets in Hampshire, if not England. Follow your nose to stalls touting fine food and drink. Mulled wine in hand, then follow your ears to join the gathered crowd singing along with the carolling choir. And, full of golden festive spirit, mooch around the stalls and support local craftspeople and traders whilst you do your Christmas shopping. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4jsR5PXidU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAJYkO3G8VU Read also our other posts on Christmas  ; Christmas markets in America ; Christmas markets in Italy and Germany ; Christmas quotes ; 60 great Christmas quotes ; Christmas tree origin and quotes ;  Christmas short stories ; Ella Gray A Christmas short story ; Traditional Christmas Carols ; Christmas jokes ; Christmas cracker jokes ; Funny Christmas Stories ; Amusing Christmas stories ; Christmas food ; Christmas thoughts ; Christmas story ; Christmas in Italy ; Christmas holidays ; Christmas songs ; Christmas poems ; An Essay on Christmas by Chesterton ; Read the full article

[ladycook8]

A good friend of mine is a fat lady with a huge wide ass and when she went to the amusement park with her kid, she was disappointed that they said that she was too fat for the ride. So the amusement park gave her and her kid a thing called a fast pass which means that they didn't have to wait in any lines that day so it wouldn't be that big of a deal if the mom got rejected from a ride based on her wide obese ass. So if you need an excuse to pack on 10 lb a month for the next several months, you might not have to wait in any lines at the amusement park this fall. And I wonder what would happen if you were too fat to go on any rides at all. Would they just give you a food voucher to keep you satisfied so you didn't write a bad yelp review?

[1000-directions]

Good stuff 5-6-24

Work went really fast today

I used a meal voucher I had to get a free breakfast sandwich and coffee!

My partner invited me over after work because they wanted more cuddle time 🥺 we ordered food and watched a movie and we are about to go to bed!

[lexical-lushes]

A Shared Meal

She's leaned up against a boarded-over doorway when I see her, head tipped back to look up at the slice of clean blue sky visible between the crowded rooftops.

In the distance, I hear the chirps and barks of a HEMA announcement speaker, the bustle of the distribution pop-up.

Normally I wouldn't hang out near one of those. Normally her white labcoat, blue shirt, and prominent ID card would be enough to make me avoid her, too - she's not part of a patrol, she doesn't have orders to treat me like a threat if I approach… but she's still one of them.

My boots scuff the pavement as I step closer - we're up on an island, the floodwaters a few blocks away yet - and she looks down to find the source of the noise.

Her face flickers with concern seeing me - a young girl in an oversized coat and baggy pants with tired eyes…

I stop in the middle of the narrow street and stare.

For a second, she must think I'm human; she moves to extend a hand towards me, a half-eaten protein bar with a crumpled wrapper held in her fingers. But the way my dark eyes ignore it must have tripped some memory of training.

She goes a little stiff. Her hand drops, the offer rescinded. In the distance, a siren chirps once, twice, goes quiet.

She swallows. Finally, she finds her words;

"Uhm. H-hi. Do, do you… live around here?"

I shrug. "I live wherever'll take me."

She chews on that a second before shifting, letting her back slide down the wall, lowering herself closer to my level, eyes starting to brim with concern.

"Are you… are you okay? I haven't- I mean, you're, pretty small, aren't you?"

Another shrug. I shove my hands into my oversized pockets, look down and kick at a loose clump of asphalt.

"I'm hungry. There used to be people that donated blood for us here. You made them stop."

Frowning, the HEMA worker chews her lip for a second before summoning a justification; she stammers even as she says it, though, so it's obvious she's less certain about the party line.

"Unregulated donation clinics are a public health hazard… you, you should register with HEMA if you want… if you want meal vouchers. We can give you food. Blood."

"People were feeding me /before/. Now they're not. I haven't eaten in…"

I count my fingers.

"…two weeks."

"Why don't you just register?" she asks, almost pleadingly. I can recognize the way she looks at me; I'm just a kid, even if I am infected. A lot of people feel like that when they see me. The good ones, at least.

"Why would I trust you?" I counter.

"Everyone has to do it your way, but you can hardly even keep the /humans/ fed down here. I had… friends, people that registered and then had to report to the Upper City. I don't see them anymore. Your blood isn't /safe/."

My tone is even, but my eyes are sharp.

I'm not entirely sure why I came this way, why I decided to try talking to her. It's a pointless argument, it's a needless risk.

Well.

There's my answer, I suppose. Risks. Vampires like risks, even mundane ones like this. They call to us from the back of our mind, like sirens.

Her frown deepens, and with a sigh, she slips all the way down to sit on the step she'd been having her lunch break on.

"…we're trying to help," she offers, defeated. She can't argue with an angry little girl.

I say nothing, just sit down next to her.

"What's your name?" she asks.

I tell her, simply. My name, at least, not the human one I've half-forgotten by now. I don't like that one. I don't like the faces I remember using it.

She shares her own, sighs deeply, and shoves her half-eaten protein bar into a pocket. I catch a glimpse of her sidearm under her lab coat.

"I'm sorry you're so hungry," she murmurs. "We'll be out of this district in… about a month. I'm sure the clinics will come back."

A month is too long. I don't bother saying so, and she must know it herself. Vampire metabolisms are fast; we can keep going right up until we can't, and she must have been taught as much about us to recognize I'm near my limit.

We spend a long minute in silence, just sitting next to each other.

She seems to make her mind up about something.

Reaching back into her pockets, she pulls out a plastic pouch filled with something dark and red, a barcode and other information printed across one side.

"Here."

Cautiously, I reach out to take the bloodbag, feeling its weight, the liquid heft and slight squish of it.

"We- it's for the unit's vampire," she explains. "For emergencies. I'm not supposed to…"

I can feel my eyes twitch, fight the instinct to let them dilate. I swallow. Two weeks is a long time without a meal. Without anything to dull the constant, gnawing hunger.

My fangs pierce the thick plastic skin and she winces, turning away while I drink. Squeamish, apparently.

Her voice is small and defeated.

"Just… don't tell anyone, okay? Our little secret. But I really should open a file for you… it's not registry, just, it'll make it easier if you ever do-"

My stinger pierces through the piece of paper she'd pulled out of her labcoat and started to fill in, the twisting length of muscle and sinew attached to it pulsing gently in front of her face.

She whimpers.

I drop the empty bloodbag, wipe my mouth with the back of one hand, suck the little smear of blood off. I keep my dark, dark eyes on her the entire time; whites obscured by my black irises, red pupils wide and staring and catching the light like a glow.

"Don't bother," I say, as gentle as I can.

I slowly retract my tentacle; with a twist, it crumples and shreds the form she'd started. A moment later and there's no trace of my stinger, the appendage disappearing back under my oversized coat.

"…thank you for the meal. I won't tell anyone. I should leave."

I get up. I start to walk away. She stands back up as well, moves to take a step after me, stops.

"If you have to mention me to your superiors, just tell them I'm leaving the district," I say. "Staying this close to a HEMA checkpoint was… a bad idea. I'll find somewhere else that'll take care of me. I'm good at that."

By the next day, I'll have figured out somewhere else to go. Found someone sympathetic to me with a boat, found some other district to hide in.

My boots scuff the pavement as I disappear around the bend. The HEMA worker just watches me go, looking sad.

[bcolfanfic]

If you don’t mind me asking how much did you spend on your thorpe’s abott trip?

no i don’t mind at all! i am NOT rich by any means to be extremely clear. i’m a full time law student and currently not working. i’m actually super stressed about money atm. i just choose to invest in my niche hobbies whereas other people might chose to invest in clothes/a bigger apartment/idk kitchen appliances lol.

i don’t remember exactly how much my we happy few ticket 506 was but i thinkkkk 350 pounds? so about 450 usd. which yeah like. youch that was some money lol. but i got to meet hang out with actors i love and go to a whole list of places i wouldn’t have been able to otherwise. and i had a discount code as a patreon member but was in such a rush i forgot to use it!

it was worth it to me. worth it enough to do again in april when they next one is 😅. and this time i won’t have to pay for my flights myself bc of british airways voucher!

i booked my flights as separate round trips INSERTHOMECITY-JFK (new york) and JFK-LHR (london). and total i think it came to around 600 almost 700? which was over 1k cheaper than my study abroad round trip to get to amsterdam! and why i was so flabbergasted when british airways gave me over 900 dollars in reimbursement for the overbooked flight debacle when my whole trip didn’t even cost that haha.

when i got to london i booked the national express shuttle to get to cambridge for about $45. i could’ve taken the tube and gotten there in about the same amount of time but i knew i was going to be exhausted and not wanting to think about public transportation in a new country. when i went back to london the night before my flight i did use the tube and had no issues w it!

i split a hotel with my friends and paid $250 total for my share, which was cheaper than it would’ve been to make my own arrangements.

i admittedly spent more than i planned on in souvenirs lol i think i got at least one thing from every base/museum we went to. ballpark i think i spent maybe just under $125 on ✨stuff✨.

food wise there was a grocery store right across from my hotel. the first day we ate lunch at the little food stand at thorpe abbotts and the second day we packed lunch. got coffee and a little pastry from gregs (like british dunkin) for breakfast each day, dinner at the RAF pub the first night and fast food dinner on my own when i had to get back to london from cambridge. so didn’t spend a ton on food tbh.

i hope this was comprehensive enough 😅 but i’m an open book haha if you have any other questions hmu (:

[iminthetunnels]

hello health queen can you share any strategies to eat healthily on a low budget…. i love produce but it feels like a luxury these days. do you grow your own fruits and veggies? thank you 🤩

i’ve been meaning to build a raised garden bed/look at facebook market place for untreated wood. but i’ve been very busy. have not started a produce garden, well on my way to. an herbal garden tho.

the trick is…. i steal LMAO. oh i have 6 avocados? i’m abt to say i only have 2. oh a bag of organic zucchini? how abt i put in that it’s non organic. idc what anyone says abt how unethical this is or how horrible it is. i have to do what i have to do, and so do u!! i also go to the health department and get farmers market vouchers to pick up fresh produce from the farmers market, i get tomatoes, sweet potatoes, cucumbers, all with farmers market vouchers. i also have EBT, which does help but they’ve cut my balance by -100 so it’s been an even more struggle.

when i get donations from my amazing friends, i’ll stock up on meat and freeze it, i’ve done this 3 times and we have meat to use, im very thankful for that.

i budget everything, like i’ll go in to sprouts and budget out how much everything will be, i have a costco card that my ex husband got me, so i can buy bulk produce from there too. i freeze some of my fruits too.

it works out best for me because it’s just me and my son, and i can go a couple hours without eating/fasting. produce used to be the cheapest thing to buy, now organic blueberry’s are $6… ass.. and these stores are still making bank.

oh i also go to food banks whenever i can!!! there isn’t much :( but i sure do try :(

i need to get in touch with more churches and organizations.

i’m sorry i couldn’t be much help :(