#fartknocker
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An anonymous fear submitted by Fartknocker to Deep Dark Fears - thanks!
You can pick up original art in my shop!
#comics #deepdarkfears
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i miss fartknocker as a legitimate insult
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boy he's lucky that trampoline was there, but you'd think he'd have practiced enough he wouldn't need it
#to be clear i am not just comma as our friends in Britanland say comma Taking the Piss#I am arranging an Oceans Eleven style heist involving several dozen highly trained individuals each expert in their field#to break into the World Piss Depository in Fartknocks Tennessee and relocate so much of The Piss from this repository#that the worldwild price of piss is altered by like 13 percent#because of how much of it my team swiped in that heist#my tagwork is as elligant as my posts are stumblebum
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"Your sibling dialogues are so realistic"!! You wanna know why? heres some conversations with my baby brother within the last 2 hours.
"Do you have a.. boyfriend"? "Nope-" "Do YOU has a G i r l f r i e n d"??? "No buddy-" "Why not"? "Reasons, you know (older brother) is bringing his girlfriend on the trip"? "Big bubba has a girlfriend"?? "Mmmhm-" "AND a boyfriend"?? "No just a girlfriend" "Awww danged-it..."
"You- did you- did you know" "Hmm"? "Thomas the tank? He doesnt scare me" "Whys that buddy"? "He doesnt have no hands."
"I am god" "Are you now"? "Uh huh- cuz I have TWO firetrucks, and lotsa firemen"
"I think (younger sister) is a demon" "Dont call her that- but why"? "Cuz she stole my cookie" "No she didnt you ate it" "Oh- then I guess I dont hate her now"
"(Name) Where are you"? "The same place I havent moved from whatsoever-" "WHATSOEVER"!? "Yup- whatsoever" "What so- your a fartknocker"
#family memes#I swear#people are like#“how are you so chill with random shit”??#because all of my siblings are like THIS#you cope#(also so dick coded)#like most unhinged bs#“Thats nice kiddo”#sunny rambles
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,,Huhuh look Beavis, this person is a total fartknocker‘‘
Tbh they look way more dangerous in this drawing than they actually are
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intro 2 da blogzz
Amor - any pronounssssss
youll never fricking guess what i like man...
byf i dont post here consistantly i post more on my instagram and twitter on my strawpage ^_^ !!!
BANDS I LOVEEE:
Couch slut
Whores.
Windhand
Deftones
Rickshaw billies burger patrol
Team sleep
Melvins
Mondo generator & ect..
i love nu metal, sludge, stoner and doom metal :33
some of my other interest include:
drawing ocs
clerks
csm, jjk, and other animes
being a moron
MY FRIENDS ^_^!!!!
raising hope
nfl
i also rlly love collecting old media, such as cds, dvds, minidisc, vinyl, and hopefully soon cassettes!!!!
getting into the nfl (kinda) my teams r: texans, bills and lions (for oomfs 💋)
SEEING DEFTONES !!!!
(dni any msi fans and bigots.. seriously i dont need you bumfuck fartknockers on my page...)
#deftones#nu metal#deftones band#i need sleep#cds#collector#metalhead#melvins band#intro post#stoner metal#doom metal#sludge metal#digital artist#funny little thing#metal music#stupid post
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my moms dead
I fear the day that my mom finds out that I don't read fantasy books on Tumblr/Wattpad/Ao3
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It’s 5AM, I just woke up from a dream (I have to go back to sleep but I needed to share this)
I’m in ✨The Village✨ picking up ingredients for a dish Donna wants to make to bring to the party. The party is at Alcina’s (naturally). It skips to Donna and I making this dish and then getting into a carriage, and the whole way there Angie is sticking her head out of the window trying to catch snowflakes and calling anyone we pass a fartknocker. Don’t know where she learned that from but okay. 🙄
Anyways, we arrive at the castle gates and Alcina comes out to greet us but oh no! the maidens forgot to salt the bridge and she slips on ice. She takes a ridiculously long time to fall to the ground because she’s 9 foot and 6 fricken inches. Falling forward because we know where her gravity manifests..
( . )( . ) 🧍🏻♀️
Anyways. It’s cold 🥶 and her headlights are on, and like daggers piercing into the ice she gets STUCK. Donna is trying her hardest to help her up, I’m trying to get help from inside while also bringing in the dish. Angie is jumping, cackling her head off and then Miranda shows up.
It skips again to us all sitting around the dinner table, it’s akward because Miranda has to wrap her wings around Alcina to warm up her.. situation. Everyone’s quietly eating until Angie and Cassandra start flinging food across the table, Chaos is commenced.
Donna has to spend the next day sewing pads into Alcina’s bra to prevent future incidents, and the maidens that forgot to salt the bridge made a lovely vintage.
Thee End.
#resident evil village#resident evil 8#donna beneviento#re8 village#mother miranda#angie beneviento#alcina dimitrescu#personal ash blurbs#I can still see her face as she fell in slowmotion#also the dish was delicious btw
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Ever have a moment when you think you’ve overused a word because you used it twice lately? Then you realize they’re in totally different stories, shared with different groups of people, and it’s probably fine?
Anyways, today’s word is “fartknocker,” and I just posted something fun for the higher tiers on Patreon.
#one place was this story and the other was an unrelated story that's in the anthology I'm formatting for my local club#one story has robots and the other has zombies#with zero crossover#except the classy swear word/insult#a memorable word for sure#writer life#the robot story is about Hubcap#it tells how he got his after-market eyebrows#among other things#patreon#*handwave* ooOooh exciting; perhaps you'd like to check it out; there's a free tier and everything with no strings attached
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"and, like, when bts come to highland-"
"i already told you fartknocker, bts aren't coming to fuckass highland uhuhuhh"
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i 100000% believe that eddie would do as my mom* has done and in quiet moments suddenly turn into Cornholio, eternally searching for TP for his bunghole
Do we think Eddie would have enjoyed Beavis and Butthead??
#*true story **#fartknocker is from beavis and butthead??#**she'd kill me for telling the internet but she LOVES beavis and butthead
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Bride of Discord Rewritten Chapter 19: The Wedding
When the princesses heard of Discord's sudden reformation, it was no surprise that they were skeptical about the situation. It was Luna who eased their worries when she told her sister of her observations. The snowstorm had passed, leaving everything glimmering in a sheen of ice. Princess Luna and Princess Celestia sat under a great willow tree, drops of frozen water overhead beaming every blazing shine of light from the sunset onto the iridescent snow.
"You had given me a second chance, sister. Should we not give him the same treatment, what would that say of our moral judgement?"
Celestia looked upward toward the heavens, seemingly drawing her answer from above.
"I do not believe it is in Discord's nature to go to these lengths for such a goal in the manner he has. In any case, I trust your judgement on the manner better than my own. We will allow him in our kingdom."
Luna smiled up at her sister, who kept a regal face for the next few seconds, until she looked back at Luna and snickered.
"yeah, alright, whatever, tell him to come over Tuesday, but I'm raising the guards' pay."
Luna put her hooves to her sides and guffawed triumphantly.
Of course, it was difficult for Discord to go from plotting against Equestria to doing good deeds, but for the sake of pleasing his beloved, he performed with utmost kindness. Most of the time. He still played a few pranks on ponies every now and then, but hey, in his nature and whatnot.
Life in Equestria could not have been better, especially for Fluttershy and Discord, who seemed to fall in love all over again at the beginning of each day. When he was not spending his time with her, the draconequus was helping ponies with their problems. For instance, he settled a disagreement between Spitfire and Soarin. He also used his magic to protect Equestria from disasters, Fluttershy looking at him after every prevented tragedy like the proudest pony in the world.
"To my one and only Fluttershy," she read, "the love of my life, the apple of my eye, my other half. Without you, my life is empty. I still think that one day I'm going to wake up and meeting you was all a dream, but if it is, I'll take it. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me and I hope you can say the same about me."
She then realized she had been turning the ring, or rather bangle, over and over, the message continuing. She looked up at Pinkie Pie.
"I'm not going to ask how he managed to fit all that in."
"trust me, that's the short version!" Cackled pinkie pie. She helped him design it, after all.
Discord gave her the ring right after she had proposed, and as soon as she'd wrapped it around her hoof it conformed to her size perfectly. Of course, she had no way of wearing a ring of any sort, and so a beautiful bangle would adorn her hoof to show her love for everypony.
"Oh, you look absolutely gorgeous, darling!" Rarity exclaimed once she had made the final adjustments to Fluttershy's gown, lining the hem with a leaf-like trim.
She directed Fluttershy towards the mirror. In it, Fluttershy was sure she had seen the Queen Mab Fairy before her. The dress was simple, but elegant, with a vine design wrapping around her whole body. It was nearly identical to the one she had worn in the forest, only more suited to a wedding. Her veil hung from a wreath of pink roses, which sat perfectly atop her curled hair.
"Rarity," she marveled. "It's beautiful!"
"You're beautiful, Fluttershy!" Rarity hailed! "I only highlighted what is most beautiful about you!"
Rainbow Dash laughed. "I never thought you'd be the first of us to get married, Fluttershy."
The unicorn sighed. "Yes. I thought it would be me, as I did catch Cadence's bouquet, but…oh, you really do look the part, sweetie!"
"Maybe you will be, Rarity, right fartknocker'?" Nudged Applejack teasingly into Rainbow Dash, winking and chuckling as Rainbow rubbed her hooves together, plotting.
Scootaloo shifted in her dress. "Aren't we a little old to be flower girls? After all, we have our cutie marks."
"Maybe," Fluttershy replied, "but I couldn't think of three fillies better suited for the job."
Applejack laid a hoof on her shoulder. "We're really happy for ya, Sugar Cube."
"Even if it is Discord?"
"Well…" Rarity stammered. "We might not have used to agree..."
"But ever since we started hanging out with him, I think we can get used to it." Twilight finished.
There was a frantic knock on the door. "Hey, guys?! You in there? Emergency!"
Applejack approached the door. "One second, Spike."
"Are you mad?!" Rarity yelled. "We're getting dressed!"
The cowgirl rolled her eyes. "Do I have to go over this with you again? We. Don't. Wear. Clothes!" Spike only had a vague understanding of what clothes were anyways.
"Is everything alright, Spike?"
"Oh, right! It's Discord. He's getting…" He peered over at Fluttershy and said the rest in a whisper. "Cold hooves."
The cowgirl gasped and called to her friends. "I gotta go check on the groom. I'll meet y'all at the altar!"
Discord needed a best stallion or mare, but unfortunately, he was still a rookie when it came to making friends, so Applejack had volunteered for the role. After all, she had been the first to support the match.
When she and Spike entered the groom's dressing room, it was empty. They searched in all directions for the draconequus.
She then had a thought and looked up. Sure enough, Discord was hanging by his claws from the ceiling. The cowgirl stomped her hoof.
"Discord, get your rump on outta here!" Applejack commanded. "You're gettin' married in thirty minutes!"
"Make me!" Discord taunted. "I can stay up here all day!"
He summoned a pillow and stretched out against the ceiling.
"Ya can't get cold hooves! You're the one who cried when she asked!"
"I'm not the one with cold hooves..."
He snapped his fingers and Applejack yelped as she felt a sudden chill in her hooves. She glanced down to see that they had been encased in ice.
"Quit foolin' and get down! Fluttershy's gonna be heartbroken!"
She spun around as the draconequus teleported beside her. She tried to tackle him, but her hooves were stiff in the ice. Discord sighed and went over to stare at his reflection in the mirror.
"What makes you think she'll care if I leave her? She'll probably be relieved!"
"How can you say that?" Spike inquired.
Applejack attempted to walk over to him, but she could not shake off the blocks of ice. Spike used his dragon breath to melt them and free her.
"Thanks," she beamed, before approaching Discord. "Now listen here, partner. You may be different, but I've never seen Fluttershy so happy in my life. You may not be the same species, but love comes in all forms."
"Yeah," Spike nodded. "Like with me and-"
"Like with you and Rarity?" Discord huffed. "Please, like that's ever going to…yow!"
Applejack had stepped on his tail.
"no, like me and Twilight! She's like my mom, but we're different species!"
"My point is that I know what love looks like, and I've never seen two ponies, or any other creatures, more in love than you and Fluttershy. Unless I was mistaken and you don't love her…"
"What are you talking about?" Discord snapped. "Of course, I love her! You think I would say yes if I didn't love her? You think I would have given up my plans for hostile takeover if I didn't love her? Well, let me tell you something, AJ! I love that pony more than anything! You hear? More than anything!"
Applejack smirked. "Whaddaya waiting for then?"
The draconequus blinked and then glanced in the mirror. He then snapped his fingers, making a tuxedo appear on his body.
"GODSPEED YOU HANDSOME DEVIL, YOU!" discord shouted at the top of his lungs, before leaping out of the room in a heroic fashion.
"this is insane, I can't do it dude."
He winced as Applejack nudged him in the side. "You better not bail!"
Every pony was in their positions at the altar. Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Pinkie Pie were lined up beside the bride's vacant space, Applejack stood alongside Discord, Twilight beside Spike ready with the rings. Cadance stood in the middle, beneath the arch of roses.
The guests had all arrived and the room was packed. Since Discord had no relations, the closest ponyville citizens sat on the groom's side while the ponies from fluttershy's family on the bride's, along with many of Fluttershy's animal friends. Discord could recognize a few faces from his side out of dozens, like Zecora, Minty, Kimono, Derpy, Woah Nelly, Berryshine, Apple Brown Betty, Big Mac and Sugar Belle. many from Fluttershy family, of whom he met at a humble family get-together.
Discord choked. "In fact, it's quite hot in here, don't you think?" He tugged on the collar of his suit and wiped the sweat from his brow. "You don't suppose she's changed her mind, do you?"
"She's not late," Rainbow Dash whispered. "The ceremony's not even starting until three."
"But every pony's here! Shouldn't we start now? Ouch!"
"Pull yourself together!" Applejack hissed.
"Quit doing that!" He pulled his tail away and turned the end into a fan.
"Relax. We haven't been standing here that long."
"how long is 'that long' exactly-"
"Put that fan away! It's startin'!"
Sure enough, the bird choir began singing the bridal march, with Angel directing them. the flower girls hopped down the aisle, scattering their petals, discord started panicking.
God, what am I doing here? I shouldn't be here with her, all those suitors and she chose me of all ponies, god I don't deserve her what are you doing here-
Then he looked up and remembered why.
She entered the room with grace and elegance, causing every pony to gawk in awe. She walked down the aisle with her head held high, meeting the groom's gaze through her veil. Her long train was carried by more birds.
A smile spread across Discord's face. "She's beautiful."
Applejack gave him a sly grin. "Easy, Sugar. Save it for the honeymoon."
Meanwhile, the others were tearing up, including the flower girls.
"It's so romantic," Sweetie Belle .
"like a dang ol' fairytale" apple bloom cooed.
"all this mush is starting to get to me." Scootaloo moped through tears.
Fluttershy giggled at them as she passed by. Then she turned her attention back to Discord as she walked up the steps. He gently lifted her veil to reveal her beautiful face. After exchanging a loving look, they faced Princess Cadence. They both kneel upon an embroidered ivory pillow, plush and warm with invitation, and pray to the princesses, the beings of higher magic, and unbeknownst to each other, they both pray to one another.
"Mares and gentle colts," the alicorn announced. "We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Fluttershy and Discord. Never in the history of Equestria has there ever been a love so mythical, yet it started from the most unusual of circumstances. These two standing before you have proved that love surpasses all differences, all flaws, all faults."
She turned to the bride. "Do you, Fluttershy, take this draconequus to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death, do you part?"
Fluttershy looked up into Discord's adoring eyes. "I do."
"And do you, Discord, take this mare to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death, do you part?
He was so lost in his bride's eyes that he did not hear her at first. "Huh? Oh, I do! Yes, I most definitely do!"
Cadence chuckled. "In that case, may I have the rings?"
Spike presented the silk pillow and Cadence used her magic to levitate the rings. One was attached to a gold chain, which she placed around Fluttershy's neck. The other slid onto the middle finger of Discord's lion paw.
A word from the Equestrian mythology was read, and Cadence spoke once more.
"By the power vested in me, by the crowning of my role, as princess of love," the alicorn continued, "I now pronounce you, spouse and wife. You may kiss-"
The draconequus did not wait for her to finish and pulled his bride in for a dip before pressing his lips against hers as the world seemed to explode into applause around them.
Rarity nudged Rainbow Dash and tilted her head outside.
"Oh, right!"
The pegasus zoomed out of her gown and out into the skies. The couple pulled away just in time to see her sonic rainboom through the windows, one of which shattered on impact. It shone through the sun, bathing the castle in every color visible to the naked eye.
"seven years of bad luck, darling!"
"you'll give me just enough of that," Fluttershy chuckled.
"BEST WEDDING EVER!" Pinkie cried.
The reception was held in the garden. Vinyl Scratch, under her stage name DJ Pon3 played the song for the bride and groom's first dance: "you're my world." Discord had selected it, the song playing when they first kissed. A dance was shared until a slow song played. The first song discord had played for her.
"Lovely is you/In my life/A perfect thing my wife/The joy you bring/ When times are good and bad"
"Shall we?" Applejack bowed to Rainbow Dash.
"Um, it's kinda slow, isn't it?"
"Well, I get if you're not up to the challenge…"
"Hey, wait a minute! Are you saying I can't handle a slow dance?"
"Can you?"
She grabbed her hoof. "Come on, you rascal."
A few songs later, and Rarity was met with an all too familiar unicorn stallion.
"Miss Rarity," Prince Blueblood greeted. "Would you care for a dance?"
She narrowed her eyes at him. "You're kidding me, right?"
Fortunately, she was saved by the previously intertwined. "Yo Rarity, we're gonna do the sea snake dance, come on!"
Rarity's eyes lit up at the sight of Applejack and Rainbow Dash. "Certainly!"
Discord gazed down at his new wife as she buried her face in his fur. Then he noticed a familiar figure standing off to the side.
"Yo, Zecora!" he called.
Fluttershy looked up as he led her over to the zebra.
"Greetings, you lovebirds, and salutations," she said. "I just wanted to offer my congratulations."
"We have you to thank for this," the bride insisted.
Discord raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? I never told you.
"See, before I accepted your deal, I went to Zecora for advice and she told me to give you a chance- Wait. Never told me what?"
"That I asked Zecora for advice and she helped me make your garden! Hey, hold on!" He pointed accusingly at the zebra. "You knew this was going to happen all along, didn't you?"
Zecora laughed as she walked away. "Prophetic magic? Not a chance. I took a gamble, now go and dance!"
"wuh-"
Fluttershy silenced him with her hoof. "Does it really matter, dear?"
He sighed and took her in his arms. "No, I guess not."
The party lasted throughout the whole night, through to dawn, and just into the morning until 10am. Foals fell asleep on lawn chairs, the cooler ice melted, candy and chili powder littered the ground. It was nonstop dance after dance, the sea snake, the money dance, at one point the men at the reception threw discord into the air! The festivities only stopped when the dj themself fell asleep. Then, after 1 day of relaxation, the parade went on.
Hours of laughter, music and beads later, and a carriage was ready with 3 ponies to take the couple home, but Discord waved them off.
"No need to exert yourselves, boys. We can drive ourselves."
He released the stallions, paid them their due, and opened the door for his bride with a bow.
"Shall we be off, my dear?"
Once the newlyweds were in the carriage, every pony waved to them and they waved back, until they were a spot in the distance.
Discord sighed and glanced slyly at Fluttershy. "Alone at last."
He was about to put an arm around her when an acorn hit him. He turned to see Angel and the other animals sitting across from them.
"What the…what are they doing here?"
"Well, I said they could move in with us," Fluttershy explained.
"You what?!"
"They're just going to live in the garden. They won't get in the way."
"But do they have to ride with us? I can just zap them to the garden and…"
She stopped his paw before he could cast a spell. "Please? They want to ride so badly, and they've got very polite bathroom habits, so the rental stays clean-"
Discord shrugged. "Happy wife, Happy life I guess."
They arrived at Fluttershy's little cottage, now covered in newly grown springtime flowers.
"Okay, we're here! Now scram!"
The animals seemed to giggle and scatter into the gardens. Fluttershy shook her head.
He teleported himself outside and opened the door of the carriage. He then lifted her into his arms bridal style and carried her towards the castle.
"Home sweet home," he mused. "Never really had one until you lived with me."
"It's much more colorful."
"Oh yes, very."
She giggled as he poked her in the belly. "I think I can live with that."
The front door opened automatically and Fluttershy could feel the weight of the week lifting off of her back.
"What do you think of the interior?" Discord inquired.
"Less dizzy."
He chuckled. "I thought you'd like it. Wait until you see the honeymoon suite."
At his command, a door hanging high on the wall with no stairs leading to it opened. He flew her up to it and Fluttershy gawked at the décor of the room. Everything was in the shape of a heart: the bed, the pillows, the windows, the chandelier, the candles in the chandelier, etc. She did not know what to say about it.
"It's, um…very…"
"a lot, I know. Makes me want to gag too, but isn't this how most honeymoon suites look? I don't think we can afford a honeymoon."
"I wouldn't know."
"Oh well, I'm too tired to change anything now. What even is a honeymoon?"
"don't know, don't care, we have our whole marriage to figure it out."
They plopped onto the plush mattress, kissing gentle and sweet, and drifted off into perfect dreams.
The End, At The Moment.
#mlp fim#fluttercord#fluttershy#bride of discord#bride of discord rewritten#discord#my little pony#mlp#applejack#rainbow dash#rarity#rarijackdash#appledash#raridash#rarijack#pinkie pie#zecora#twilight sparkle#spike the dragon#mane 6#romance#chapter 19#finale#fanfiction#my little pony friendship is magic#early 2010s#alternate universe#wedding
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Ben Blanchet at HuffPost:
Former President Donald Trump turned down an opportunity to denounce the bomb threats that have hit Springfield, Ohio just days after amplifying a racist lie involving Haitian immigrants in the community. “I don’t know what happened with the bomb threats,” the GOP nominee told reporters in Las Vegas, Nevada on Saturday. He continued, “I know that it’s been taken over by illegal migrants and that’s a terrible thing that happened. Springfield was this beautiful town and now they’re going through hell. It’s a sad thing. Not gonna happen with me, I can tell you right now.” Trump notably entertained the false, debunked claim that immigrants were taking and eating peoples’ cats and dogs in the city during Tuesday’s debate. Other Republicans have also pushed the lie including Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost (R) and Trump’s running mate JD Vance, who represents the Ohio community in the U.S. senate and has encouraged supporters to “keep the cat memes flowing.”
In the days since the debate, schools in Springfield as well as the city hall building were evacuated due to bomb threats. Wittenberg University, a private liberal arts college in Springfield, also cancelled all events on Sunday due to what school officials described as “an email that threatened a potential shooting on-campus.”
Have you have no shame or decency, you racist fartknocker?! You and your running mate, along with the right-wing media, are the ones fomenting chaos in Springfield, Ohio with your racist lie about Haitian immigrants “eating pets”.
#Springfield Cat Eating Hoax#Springfield Ohio#J.D. Vance#Donald Trump#Racism#Ohio#Haiti#Haitians#Haitian Refugees
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the beatles aren't a boyband you fartknocker
are they not boys in a band?
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The E-model F-111 seems to have done most of the airshow appearances in Europe. Here the 20 TFW have sent F-111E 68-0068 "UH" to Soesterberg (EHSB) in 1981. Stored as FV212, it was l/n at AMARC in 2009 although likely shredded even earlier, in 2007. by Alfred Fartknocker Via Flickr: See comment from Eagle 0025 below.
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