#fantasy merchant punz au

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Is it bad that I kinda only come up with Charlie stuff for the merchant Punz au because I love charlie and this Au is my favorite?

Anyway, Charlie has a fear of bottles so Quackity has to store his alcohol in a locked cabinet and has resorted to using different containers for other liquids.

Quackity, unlocking the cabinet: fuck, man, i need a drink

Someone else: .....is that a tupperware full of vodka?

[the-esempee-merchant]

Does Punz end up with Karl, Sapnap, and Quackity by any chance…?

No, those are not the peeps Punz ends up with, sorry try again!

-Shark

[notveryflamboyantofyou]

BEHOLD CORNELIUS 

@dreamsmp-au-ideas I heard you got attached so I decided to draw him from like the merchant au so here he is also I don’t normally draw guys so he might look like a girl but here he is Cloaked and Uncloaked 

[varianfortunate]

*Slides you this*

This is Cornelius from the Merchant Punz Au! A very pog au that you can find more about at @the-esempee-merchant ! I drew this but the design credit goes to @notveryflamboyantofyou they are also very poggers so check them out too :D

(Also I don’t know how magi works in this but-)

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

merchant punz au, if charlie slimecicle calls people "[person] of [place/person/time they call home]" and Tommy is just called "Tommy" then how are we feeling when he starts calling Tommy "Tommy of Pots and Punz" bc that's the only place tommy feels safe at this point

*clutches chest*

MY HEART

THAT'S SO CUTE

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Fantasy Merchant Punz 'correct' quotes

I like this au a definitely normal amount. I have the normal amount of brainrot for this au. Please believe me.

---------------

Tommy: Hello! I’m the chosen one! I would like to have all your potions in stock!

Punz: ...You’re 17

Tommy: Yeah so?

Punz: ...Right so that’ll be approximately 500000 gold. Pay up

--------------

Punz, talking to a customer: And this is a potion of invisibility. Great for you to hide from others or get out of situations in a pinch.

Dream, as he is attacked by Tommy’s Team: Punz! Punz let me in! I know you can hear me!

Punz, closing the blinds: Of course you can take a speed potion. It’ll be good when getting away fast and you can take your enemies off guard.

Dream: FUCK YOU PUNZ!

--------------

Bad: Hello! Would you like to go and join the Eggpire? We have cookies and you’ll definitely not go and get mind controlled!

Punz: Please go away, you’re scaring the customers

-------------

Techno: Punz where do you even get these things? This is from the Antarctic Empire and that went and fell thousands of years ago. All items of it were destroyed from what I know

Punz, who is pretty sure his ancestor lived there at some point: ...Time travel

-------------

Punz, nervously looking at the box: Hey buddy. So today I went and scammed a few people and met this guy who is apparently the chosen one. He’s 17 though so I kind of doubt it. Though that is something the church would do...What do you think?

The Box: *ominous humming sounds

Punz, lighting as many candles as possible and getting the Prime symbol: You know what? Yeah that sounds about right

-------------

Cornelius, still in the box and listening to Punz: I haven’t met Punz in person and I’m pretty sure he’s terrified of us but if anything happens to him I will kill everyone in the world and then myself

------------

*5 months before Dream’s uprising

Punz: You know, actually fuck the church. It’s shit in my opinion. I know that it’s supposed to be there and that it’s supposed to be a major part of this country but not everyone follows Church Prime! I mean I don’t! The Church shouldn’t be in such a high state of power when not everyone follows it! They’re soon going to use that power and just force everyone into their religion!

Eret, in a bad disguise and already been considering taking away the church’s power: True true. Now then, can you please tell me more about your views on the Church?

Punz: Oh you’re going to be in here for a while because I have so many opinions on this.

------------

*4 months and two weeks before Dream’s uprising

Ant: Hey Punz, congrats on talking to the King last week! Heard you talked about how the Church shouldn’t have power. Pretty bold if I say so myself!

Punz, who has been oblivious this whole time: I TALKED TO THE KING!????

-------------

Quackity: God! Punz, they’re so handsome! Both of them are strong and handsome and I can’t compare to them! I just want to go and hold both of their hands and tell them that I love them but they probably don’t think the same way :(

Punz, who has listened to Karl and Sapnap rant about their love issues as well: Oh trust me...I’m pretty sure they do

---------------

Wilbur: Okay we’re trapped by Eggpire and that’s fine. That’s fine. That’s absolutely fine. We just need a plan. We just need a- Wait PUNZ!?

Punz, in a bad disguise and planning on blowing up the Eggpire a little because they scaring the customers: No it’s...Spunz...

---------------

Charlie Slimecicle: Punz, we are both definetely human beings with many bones. Look! I have a skull in my head just like you do!

Punz: A bit concerned where you actually got that skull but yeah. We are humans and have bones Charlie

--------------

Punz: How the heck did my ancestor become the hero in the first place? Like I know maybe they were a different person from before but still, we have so much treasure and I’m pretty sure an actual hero would deny all of this or something.

Purpled: Well they’re dead so we’ll just never know.

Punz: Yeah…

--------------

Punz’s ancestor: Foolish, Cornelius, I fucked up. I accidentally became the chosen one after I stole this sword from this asshole who owes me money. Now I have to defeat the weird Crimson monster that has been terrorizing the lands for a bit.

Cornelius and Foolish:

Foolish: Okay you know what? Let’s just. Have some tea first and then we can freak out okay?

Cornelius: How the fuck did you become the chosen one? You went and scammed several people last week and you did it with no remorse

Punz’s Ancestor: Hey I’m a good person!

Cornelius: Last week you met my child, Robin, said Ew, a child, and then went and told me you would drop-kick him without any hesitation.

--------------

Dream: So you finally arrive- What the hell are you wearing

Punz, in all of his most overpowered equipment and looking like a fashion disaster: It’s my ass kicking outfit bitch!

----------------

Wilbur: Hahahahaha. Hey Punz did you know that I fucked a mermaid? It was amazing and we actually fell in love with each other. We actually had this fox child named Fundy but she died before he could see her. Anyways he aged fast so he’s like about in his 20s now and he actually ran away a bit while back and I miss him greatly. Also he’s working in the rebellion and I really want to say that I’m proud of him but I don’t know how. Fun fact: did you know that technically he’s Antarctic Empire royalty because my ancestors were the first rulers of the Antarctic Empire? Crazy isn’t it? Anyways, give me all your TNT. I’m about to blow up the capital.

Punz:

-----------------

Karl: Hey! I just found out a honk ton of information about the Red Masquerade! Apparently someone named Billiam went and invited guests over and then lured them to a room where he went and-

Punz: Wrong building Karl.

Karl: Oh I know, I just want to talk to you!

Punz, internally crying tears of joy: O- Oh. That’s nice. So what about the Red Masquerade again?

--------------------

Punz, locking his doors as he sees the Eggpire surrounding his shop: You know maybe if I just go and ignore them then they’ll leave. It’s not my problem and it will never be-

Foolish: Uh...Punz! Get your weird sword and armor out or else the property value is going to go down!

Purpled: Give me back my sword you weird Void Demon!

Punz, getting all his overpowered equipment: You know what? I’m going out there

--------------

Punz: I’m pretty sure the Church is just now plucking children from their homes. This can’t be legal. Child soldiers are illegal and I’m surprised no one pointed that out.

Wilbur: Oh it is. They just have too much power and Dream isn’t really doing anything so…

Punz: ...Hey want to go and blow up the main base of Church Prime?

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Had some ideas.

Went and put them on Discord

Discord expanded the idea and now we have a new au.

I now introduce you guys to the Merchant Punz au. It’s exactly what it says on the Tin.

It’s Punz being a merchant and just having his little shop selling and buying things from people. Specifically in a fantasy setting.

Now then that’s sounds normal enough right? Like it’s in a fantasy setting but being a Merchant sounds good enough. The real kicker is that Punz is also the most visited shop for all these people who have their own plot lines going on.

So one day Punz is going to be stocking up shop when all of a sudden he goes and just is visited by Chosen one Tommy, or Syndicate leaders Phil and Techno, or King Dream, or Eggpire leader Badboyhalo.

He doesn’t really care about that though. He just wants money. Just give him money and he’ll give you resources.

So while Punz is chilling and making bank, the world is burning around him and everyone goes in the shop to buy things and just

Talks about their plans with him. They just get to the point where they trust him and just goes and talks to him.

What happens is that he simultaneously goes and gains the trust of multiple factions without trying and also gets rich and sort of nudges people to the right direction if they’re a bit lost in life. And oops. He got attached to all of them.

Featuring:

-Punz having the most OP stuff out of everyone in the au

-Punz not giving discounts to anyone. If you try to ask he just goes and raises the price of them by 5%

-Dream taking over the kingdom while Eret, the rightful king, goes and works with the rebels to take back the throne

-Tubbo being a dragon fae and blending in as a human very well

-Charlie Slimecicle coming into Punz’s shop and gooping the floors as Punz just internally cries at how much he’ll have to clean up

-Punz’s ancestor being a hero and being the reason why he has so much powerful shit in his basement

-The shop being almost impossible to steal from because of Punz just chasing you down to go and steal back his shit and to go and steal your money

-Punz being apart of the Eggpire, Rebellion, Antarctic Syndicate, Greater SMP, and Las Nevadas all at once

-Several times some weird shit happening outside his shop and him just closing the doors and just walking away from it

-Awkward situations where one of the customers dumps trauma on Punz while Punz just looks at him like the McDonald’s drive through meme

(Phil: My son decided to blow up the capital and ask me to kill him. I refused of course but then he starts shouting about how I wouldn’t even give him this. How I was never there for him and Tommy. Now I just learned that most of the letters my eldest son sent were lies and that my youngest son is missing after running away to the woods. Punz am I a bad father?

Punz, who just wanted to go and try to sell Phil a Loadstone Compass and doesn't know how to answer: ...Mmmmmmmwant this compass?)

-Everyone being supernatural, weird, or magical in some way while Punz is just the token normal

-Punz being an accidental instigator for all of the plot by him just doing his job

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Pfffft oh my god. I love that. I love that so much. Just the little detention videos and stuff is hilarious. I can see that happening and my god I love that. And then we got Tommy finding Spider-Man and man. That's going to be a lovely friendship.

Punz Merchant au is Pog and man I am having fun with it. It's just Punz trying to sell his shit while more and more people with main character energy pour in.

Also, love that he just goes and puts the thing on sale when someone drops something in his shop. I love that so much.

More stuff will come but probably in a bit because I have many ideas.

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

(Fantasy Merchant Punz Au) Wait the whole Charlie greets everyone as (Person) of [Place of Home] is amazing. But the fact that he'd greet Karl as 'Hello Karl from [Insert Year)!' is surprisingly funny.

Like, he greets Karl as that and everyone just '????!!!!?!'

Charlie: Hello Karl of 15xx and 17xx and 19xx and 18xx!

Quackity:

Sapnap:

Karl: Okay I can explain. The truth is that-

Quackity: Karl are you immortal because if so we would like to tell you that we support you and we will still love you either way.

Sapnap: Yeah man we'll go and stay with you even though you live forever. And we'll go and make sure that the years you have with us are the best years of your life.

Karl, tearing up: Okay first off that's very heartwarming and second of all, I'm not immortal. I'm a time travel. But god do you actually mean that?

Sapnap: Yeah man!

Quackity: You're our fiancé! We won't leave you behind!

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Today I learned that Medieval Time Churches also acted as an orphanage during those times

The Prime Church in the Merchant au is based on Medieval Time Churches

...Tommy is an orphan

...The prophecy calls for a Chosen One without parents

...Tommy was in the church

...Tommy was raised by the Church

...Tommy has some sort of religious guilt now

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Tommy, bursting into Punz’s shop: PUNZ, I NEED YOUR STRONGEST POTION!! Punz: you can’t handle my strongest potion. Tommy: I CAN TAKE IT! Punz: no, I mean you can’t afford it

Punz: Also I'm pretty sure you would go hyper if you take it.

Tommy: I CAN TAKE IT PUNZ! I HAVE ENOUGH MONEY ANYWAYS!

Punz: Okay...don't say I warned you...

————————

*about ten minutes later

Wilbur: Punz! We have a problem! Tommy drank the potion and got hyper! He's now starting fires!

Tommy, in the distance: I'M FUCKING UNSTOPPABLE!

Punz, already throwing a potion at him: Here you go. Splash it on him and he'll be okay and be knocked out for a bit. Afterwards you got to pay me. Also, he can go invisible at Will so it might take a while. Call me if he starts spewing fire.

Wilbur: he's going to start spewing fire?

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Merchant Punz AU! Charlie Slimecicle greets everyone as [person] of [place they consider home] even if he's never met them before. He just Knows their name and the name of their home. Its different for everyone and maybe Karl has a time assigned to him, instead of a place. Sometimes this is funny, such as when he meets "Purpled of [weird slurping noise]", or cute "Technoblade of Philza", and sometimes its angsty: "Dream of Cornelius", "Foolish of [the village that went mad]" and "Tommy"

He just does this to everyone and man is it funny sometimes. It's funny and man. I love it. And then we get some cute things like how it just says how home is with someone else :]

And then we get stuff like Tommy's name just being Tommy because he probably was just a kid with no money to his name and with no family before just everything.

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Okay but Foolish and Cornelius's history with Punz's ancestor is a beautiful tragic symphony when you think about it.

Like imagine: These two are two old gods and both of them have pretty much seen everything.

They're both kind of getting bored of this world and both of you are about to leave when all of a sudden they go into this village and almost get scammed by this Merchant.

The Merchant a bit closed off and had some biting remarks but really after you peel away the exterior they're a softie and genuinely cares for others and oops. Now Foolish and Cornelius see them as their emotional support human.

So they go and just hang out with him for a while. Go and help him get things to stock around his shop and soon after a bit of bonding and near death situations, they go and become close friends.

Foolish and Cornelius knows that they probably should leave and cut off ties with them. They're mortal, they'll die eventually. One day, Cornelius and Foolish will see them die.

But they stay. They stay because they care about them and they want to go and be in their life and cherish these moments. These are the best years that they had in their lives.

Times goes on and they've been friends for like about 7 years. It's now common knowledge that there are two gods in the village and they are best friends with the Merchant up on the hill.

Cornelius in that time fell in love with a certain Catboy and had a child named Robin that everyone dotes on. He's a baby and already he's surrounded by so much love and care from everyone.

And in that time, we have that same Merchant spot the guy who owes him money and then makes off with a sword.

Soon that same Merchant bursts in frantically telling Foolish and Cornelius that they accidentally became the chosen one for this quest after picking up this sword and then having this quest to slay the Crimson beast.

Foolish and Cornelius then go stand up, and say alright. Let's go and help you with this quest then!

They all pack their things, tell the villagers about it, go and tell Robin that they'll be back soon, and leave to go and get this over with.

And they all bond some more and god. None of them know what they're doing but that doesn't mean they're not trying though. They soon also get wrapped up in other quests and welp. Now the three of them are just seen as the legendary heroes and as angels pretty much. That's cool.

They all write letters to the villagers and they get letters back. They all camp under the stars and go and dream of places they'll go after this and Foolish and the Merchant smiles fondly as Cornelius talks about their partner and their son.

Eventually, after two years, they reach the cave and there laid the Crimson Beast.

The fight was easy. It was dead the moment they entered.

They go home with people calling their name in praise and with the happy thought of seeing their loved ones again.

They arrive and they're met with hugs and worried exclaims for them as well as a two-year old child running towards them and being excited to see them.

Things soon return to normal. The village is a bit richer but otherwise the same and that's okay. Everyone is talking to each other and asking about the adventures the three had and laughing at them about it.

The Merchant goes and spoils Robin a bit too much and often goes and teaches him some of the basics of sword-fighting even as Cornelius and Cat says that he is only 8 and that he really shouldn't be learning that so soon. Foolish on the other hand encourages it and that earns a playful shove from his brother.

Then one day, the three of them go out as a little bonding moment. Just a little outing together like old times.

They go into the woods

They go and find a cave they hadn't seen before

All three of them explore it

They find a box

Cornelius grabs the box

Something is in the box

Everything goes black

When Foolish and the Merchant woke up, they find Cornelius missing as well as all their gear and have a sinking, sinking feeling.

Both of them rush to the village only to find that it is now empty and devoid of life. There was nothing there except a person in all green standing in the middle.

(Foolish: Cornelius! Oh thank god. You're okay. What happened!? We woke up and you were gone! Is everyone alright? Where are they?

Merchant: ...Foolish I don't think that's Cornelius anymore.

Foolish: Wha- But it is Cornelius. He looks like him and-

Dream: Right you are my fellow Merchant! I'm not Cornelius! A bit off there little god.

Foolish: ...What did you do to my brother.

Dream: Eh. Nothing he didn't got himself into. Don't worry he's alright. A bit separated from his body and trapped in a box with all the other villagers but he's alright. He's alright. If it is any consolation though, I will say that the little one has escaped.

Merchant: You- You-

Dream: What little Merchant? What will you do? Stab me with the sword? Yeah that's not going to happen. You see, this is still Cornelius' body. If you kill this thing then Cornelius dies. Forever. Do you really want that on your conscious.

Foolish: Let them all go right now.

Dream: Hmmmm. I don't think I will. Anyways, that's enough conversation though. I think it's high time I go and leave. Ta ta!)

...The two of them were left with an empty village and a heavy heart.

With that, Foolish turned to look at the Merchant and told him to move out and find a new village to set up shop at. Tells him to go and live his own life. He's got this. It'll be over before they know it.

And so the Merchant does just that. They both part ways with the hope that they'll meet each other soon.

And then months went by

And then years went by

And then Foolish realized that he has no idea where Dream is and where to start and realized that he doesn't know where his nephew is.

And the Merchant realized that it is likely that they'll never come back and see each other again.

The Merchant tells their child stories about Uncle Foolish and Uncle Cornelius. They tell them amazing stories of adventure and family and have a small, dimming hope that one day they'll see Foolish, Cornelius, and the others again.

Foolish explored the lands searching desperately for his brother, a way to fix this, and his nephew. He has the hope of seeing them again but it is dimming with every passing day.

Years go by

The Merchant dies

Foolish couldn't make it to his funeral

The shop is passed down among the family for years and years. The stories has been passed down and has faded from their memories.

The stories and achievements are long gone to the family, only being told through books of legends and myths.

One day Foolish decides to go and visit the Merchant's shop, now run by their descendant. A descendant from countless, countless years of their family.

They almost went and had a heart attack as they see a person who looks strikingly similar to the Merchant they saw as their second brother all those years ago.

He immediately cries after they ask how they can help him.

(Punz: Oh uh...Oh shit. Uh do you need a hug? I'm sorry if I said anything wrong.

Foolish: No, no, it's just that- *hic* it's just that you look close to an old friend I knew from before

Punz: Oh...I'm sorry. We can go into the back if you want? I can make some hot chocolate if it makes you feel any better.

Foolish: God and you- I'm sorry it's just-

Punz: Hey hey hey, no it's okay. It's okay. You're grieving. This is fine alright? Do you want me to hug you?

Foolish: Please.)

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Fantasy Merchant Punz headcanons? On my blog? More likely than you think!

I have brainrot and I can not stop. Featuring Lore because why not?

-Punz's shop is filled with weapons, potions, armor, and other things. Everything really an adventurer needs

-The shop is the most successful in all of the SMP lands due to how much things are in there and the fact that they are at the highest quality

-Punz will not recognize you as anyone famous. He just goes off on how you looked when you first entered. This happened with Eret as Punz was unaware that the fucking ex-king entered his shop and casually talked to him until Purpled pointed that out

-Punz briefly worked as a mercenary under a different name for a bit. It was mainly just so he can get enough money to build the shop

-Tommy is the chosen one sponsored by Church Prime and he is destined to destroy the Egg and stop Dream from taking over the lands

-This information is true but also subverted completely. The real hero is Punz and him just showing basic human decency and altruism. He doesn't have to but he chose to. We love to see it

-Also he got super pissed when his shop burned down and he found out that Dream stole his necromancy book and just beats him up

-Tommy's team consists of Wilbur, Tubbo, Ranboo, and Purpled (after some bribing and friendship vibes)

-Karl is an archivist who occasionally goes into Punz's shop for some potions and weapons. Also he sometimes forgets that Punz's shop is not the archives and Punz just goes and gently tells him where to go whenever that happens

-Foolish is still a god here. He is immortal and when he saw Punz, he mistakes him for Punz's ancestor, who he was friends with hundreds of years ago

-Punz refuses to sell artifacts that he knows are dangerous or at least extremely valuable in terms of quests

-Some of the items include The Sacred Sword (Named W'manberg by Puffy, Punzo Blade of Justice by Punz), the Necromancy Book (unfortunately stolen), a Totem of Undying (given to his ancestor as a sign of good will from Foolish), and a box that he's pretty sure is cursed but is too scared to throw away (it contains the souls of the villagers from the Town that went Mad)

-He talks to the box just out of fear that if he isn't nice to it he will get cursed so he just talks to it every day even though he is terrified of it

-The spirits trapped in there greatly appreciate the company and talking points from Punz even though he's scared of them

-The only time he willingly gave those items to someone is when Puffy talked about how the Eggpire situation is getting bad and that the only way to defeat it is by finding the same sword that killed the Crimson all those years ago. But that's impossible. That sword has been gone for years!

-And then Punz just listens to this and slowly thinks: Wait. Do- Do I have that sword in my basement?

-So he tells Puffy to stay there and then gives her the sword. Soon he says that okay. You can have the sword but you have to give it back afterwards. Also I'm going to come with you because I want to make sure it doesn't break and it's definitely not because I care for you and worry that you might get hurt. Nope. Not at all

-When the shop burned down, Punz was incredibly devastated by this. Just devastated as he just watched his life's work just burn down to ashes. The basement was fine and the artifacts were okay but the shop was gone

-Cue comfort from everyone who's with him

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Me making the Fantasy Merchant Punz au: Okay so this is Punz centric so he won't really be involved in much story line so you can just go crazy with the shenanigans and not go too hard on the lore

Brain: His ancestor is the same one who defeated the Crimson from another time

Me: Wait wha-

Brain: He is unaware of this and has the sword that has killed the Crimson in his basement. That's why the Eggpire is interested in him. Get the descendant of the previous hero on their side and then destroy that sword. Bad is trying to go and lull him into a false sense of security and that's why he visits so much.

Me: Okay but-

Brain: Also he has the Necromancy book in his basement as well. Eret came by his shop when they were still king and gave them attention, leading them to go and sell some of the more useless artifacts in his basement, which lead to Dream getting curious and sneakily breaking in and stealing the Necromancy book. He is now the only one who has escaped Punz's wrath as Punz was asleep at the time and has no idea who it was.

Me: Okay that's enough lore-

Brain: Also he has like 75% of the important artifacts all factions need. He refuses to sell them.

Me: ...Okay that's pretty funny.

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Hey kids! Fun fact about Tommy in the Merchant au! He still dies!

He gets stabbed by Dream and for about...3 days, he was just dead. Everyone pretty much mourned for him. A lot of hot chocolate and tissue boxes were used.

And then Dream revives him and goes into his speech about how Tommy is just too much fun to have him stay dead. It's unnerving and Tommy feels wrong and hates it.

So he runs and the first place he ends up in is Punz's shop. It wasn't on purpose. He just started running and end up there.

It's 2 AM and Punz was about to sleep when he hears frantic knocking on the shop door.

In front of him is Tommy, alive and looking terrible. He's crying and shaking.

Punz let’s him in and prepares two glasses of hot chocolate.