#fangstitch

[the-dalseum-duet]

oh god satis is making bad plot AND life decisions again

she’s referring to herself in third person too!! in her pen name to dodge all responsibility! scary scary shit

look. @svwhssftr I’m going to need you to read this entire post like i am a sinking my nails into your shoulders and staring deep into your eyes. this is my evil scientist monologue. i have been method acting for The Sharpest Lives of Shiver and Murder for too long. Wearing my vans and baggy pants and dark eyeliner when I can. Listening to nothing but music pre-2009 with the exception of a random song here and there. I am in every sense becoming a true #emo. how else am i supposed to explain that I’m unironically listening to cobra starship.

idk if other writers do this but i do method act. for my projects. like i will dress slightly different and change my behavior depending on which character/scene I’m focused on for usually around week at a time. this might be autism this might be commitment we may never know

but i am holding myself back. i haven’t been writing because… forced to lock in… but also I need a silly distraction right now so bad. I’m losing my shit as you have seen. I need a savior and my savior is in the form of a trashy 2000s au.

I need your permission to fuck these bitches up. I did this before and it ended in sheer utter fucking disaster. We already have one plot line inspired by Pretty Little Liars but I need to fully commit to the WHAT THE FUCKery that is about to ensue. You’ve already seen some fucked shit (shoutout to Kai stating that he would watch Noeul rape Charlie’s dead body just for the fun of it. really loved writing that) but that’s like… so outlandish that it’s stupid. He’s a government official of course he’s going to be immoral. But I know you’re fine with me fucking around w Kai because he’s kinda written to be that way. He’s a bitchass fucker (affectionate). But Mako is our sweet angel baby. I see a darkness in him though. I see things I never wanted to see. And I have to unleash it diva I need to free him. I have no evil plans at the moment (outside of the next chapter which is really predictable despite one ridiculous thing he says that is quickly turned around) but I can’t guarantee that it won’t spiral after that.

I need you to know that I do not condone any of what is about to happen. But damn it. Trashy 2000s teen drama plots are so fun to write and consume because they’re so absurd. I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about rn but I just felt the need to let you know. And get your blessing to put these little guys in some Situations. If you want a sneak peek at some of the things I have in mind. Don’t worry. I have a time period accurate playlist completed for Shiver n Murder. Interpret the songs and their placements however you wish

this is the link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1TRXqUGa4xaa5d0EQqfyYP?si=rEfYrUY6R8mGL3pBjDHtpw&pi=DayKmpzrQiy2Q

[crowscacophony]

its freak-frackin 2017 boi ^-^

I need to write something but mouthwashing has me in a state of shock still I feel like curly’s barely conscious body bruh he’s literally me. (Not a spoiler this is literally revealed in the first five minutes I promise) I need some kohls brainrot but unlike Jimmy I CAN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS fuck Jimmy all my homies hate Jimmy mouthwashing 

I was going to do some historical fangstitch but despite my favorite fanfic I’ve ever read being about wwii and fleeing nazism I cannot bring myself to actually write anything even though I have some really cool (I have to keep telling myself that it’s okay for things to be historically accurate even though the vocabulary used *specifically for Crow and his Romani heritage* would be entirely different and it’s better to be tasteful) ideas

So instead. We’re embracing the cringe.

WELCOME TO THE YEAR 2017 BITCHES

Mid to late 2010s fandom was an insane mess. No one knew how to act. No one was anywhere near normal. I was there. I remember it all too well. The era of flower crowns and cell shaded big eyes and Hamilton animatics. Good God it was like being on crack with a bunch of closeted queers 

And I keep seeing the “mouthwashing if it was released in 2016 posts” where people are drawing the characters in flower crowns and big sweaters and “smol beans” and “cinnamon rolls :3” and it’s like a bullet to the brain. And I LOVE it. Give me more.

So. The Dalseum Duet if it was released in 2017. Let’s fuckin pretend. 

The people of 2017 fandom would be cancelled left and right today and I’m going to revel in that for a minute.

An entire cast of characters of color is not really ideal. Because we saw what happened to Hamilton. Here are my predictions for the most cancellable race offenses:

People just cannot draw Sara. They can’t fathom that her skin is dark. They keep coloring her this weird ashy mid-toned color and squishing her face to make her look “cuter.” 

Marie gets whitewashed to high hell. She’s supposed to be cutesy and feminine and the people of 2017 could not fathom that she has darker skin than Crow

Same with Adam. He would 100% get “smol bean” woobified. Someone literally just does not realize that he’s black. Art of him but white (out of pure ignorance, not malice) is posted on a prominent artist’s tumblr and never mentioned until someone digs it back up in 2020

I would say something abt Noeul but people act even worse abt “”morally gray”” East Asian men in 2024 so  just go looking yourself if you’re desperate for people saying weird shit. Dw we get to him later

Multiple people come forward saying they didn’t know Cambodia was even a country before reading Heartstrings

still an issue but people just don’t know how to draw Asian features. they all look white for some reason. 

crow always has straight hair. for some reason.

Other related offenses 

Gale is always drawn either too skinny or something is evidently proportionally incorrect 

Where. Where are Crow’s mobility aids guys

The Charlie hate posts. “she’s so annoying omg she thinks everything revolves around her! terrible main character” when she’s just a woman trying to escape an unsafe situation 

People are just not normal about crow being trans (to be expected no matter what year tbh)

“my smol trans bb 🥺 my little bean protecc him *GUYS DID YOU CATCH THAT I SAID HIM!! HIM NOT SHE I’M AN ALLY* at all costs”

your smol bb just watched someone get decapitated and didn’t flinch but. okay

people exaggerate sonnet’s proportions so ridiculously. is this transphobic or are you just numb to the furry proportions of animation memes bc their hips cannot possibly be that large 

A LOOK AT THE FANDOM

So many theatre kids who can’t communicate to anyone effectively. So many. Think Percy Jackson of eras bygone meets the Heathers animatic era. 

The most viewed video is an animatic of Sara telling off Noeul after the trial set to “Congratulations” from Hamilton. 

And now. Just know that this hurts me to say bc this album is my guilty pleasure but not a pleasure bc it hurts me to listen to some of these songs. Sigh. 

Panic! at the Disco’s album “Death of a Bachelor” released in 2016, shifting the edgy fandom space forever. 

The Council fanart. The animatics. Were edits a thing at this time? Fuckin PMVs? Idk. BUT GOOD GOD. EVERY SINGLE SONG ON THAT ALBUM. THERE WILL BE 100 COUNCIL ANIMATICS AT THE LEAST FOR EACH ONE. ALL IN THE SAME EXACT ARTSTYLE YOU KNOW THE ONE

THE FANART EDITS. GOD. NOEUL WITH HIS EYES BLACKED OUT WITH A BAR WITH LIKE “Fifty words for murder and I’m every single one of them” WRITTEN ACROSS IT HAHAHAHAAAAA his touch is black and poisonous guys. eyes like broken Christmas lights fr

PEOPLE GET SO CORNY OVER THIS MAN. SO CORNY. LIKE. HE MIGHT AS WELL BE TORD. THAT IS THE EXACT TREATMENT HE GETS

oh yeah and Jason Dean too. the comparisons of costco to JD and Veronica. dead girl walking animatics galore 

people made JD’s entire personality slushies even though he committed so many crimes. Noeul’s personality is reduced to bulgogi but no one can pronounce it so it just keeps getting worse

people woobify the fuck out of Sonnet. drawing them in big sweaters and flower crowns and sh scars on comically “thicccc” thighs bc they were “suicidal 🥺” (because they were “depwessed” not bc their marriage was fucking loveless and they no longer recognize who they are) and they have pretty pink hair. they tried to murder an innocent woman folks

unironic sams club shippers. “they should have gotten back together after the end! they did!! here is my fanart of Adam (ace mlm who has been severely traumatized by sonnet’s actions) and Sonnet (body has been borderline botched by “gender affirming surgery” and just watched their husband get slaughtered by their daughter in front of their own eyes. cannot form a cohesive sentence due to addiction to a variety of substances) 

I’m. I’m going to bed but I will add on to this. Because I find it really funny. 

Anyway. Just throwing the image of smol bean-ified Kai in your brain. @svwhssftr Big eyelashes and big blue sweater. Shark plushie. His eyes are blue and suspiciously round. Why does he have visible tits guys this isn’t… He doesn’t even have a face anymore. Bitch is built like captain curly. He is a fucking menace with an undiagnosed personality disorder. But yeah. Yeah smol trans bean (white..?) Kai. Perfect. Exactly. Sorry for that attack of psychological warfare. Thank you 2017 for your service in fandom history

[the-dalseum-duet]

shocker! it’s more gay people

@svwhssftr mako coparent tag bc lord knows noeul and kai ain’t taking care of his ass

more funny guys. more fangstitch and kohls shenanigans. inspired by a dumb yet charming smiling friends comic panel I found. also a variety of real world influences. i miss the gsp experience 😔

also this has not been edited in the slightest. the pacing is so fucked up and it doesn't hit the beats that I want but it’s okay. it’s not that serious. they’re goofin.

“You know who the lady working the counter looked like?” Mako asked as he pushed open the door to his hall.

“Charlie!” Mako and Gale shouted in unison, Mako slinking back onto the door to let Gale enter. 

“Yeah, that was scary,” Gale said. “It obviously wasn’t her, but damn, she looked just like her.” 

“She really did,” Mako agreed, but not before Gale tripped over his chestnut loafers and spilled his leftover broccoli cheddar soup right down Mako’s hoodie. Gale stumbled back, his mismatched eyes as wide as his mouth. 

“I’m so sorry!” Gale shrieked, “God, I’m so uncoordinated.” 

“No, no, it’s fine,” Mako said, stiffly posing with his arms to his side as the broth soaked through his thin button-up shirt underneath. “I can wash it. It’s no big deal.” 

“My room is, what, two doors down? I can help you clean up,” Gale offered. 

“That’s not necessary,” Mako said. 

“No, I insist!” Gale said. “You paid for my soup. It’s the least I can do.” 

Mako absentmindedly mumbled to himself as Gale dragged him by his wrist into his dorm room. Kai judgmentally stared at them from his bed, red yarn strewn onto the floor. 

“Hey, Kai,” Mako awkwardly hummed as Gale practically shoved him into their bathroom. 

“Hey.” Kai didn’t look up from his needle. 

“Hey, Noeul.” Gale pressed his fingertips to his palm as a pathetic excuse for a wave. 

“Fuck you, Porter,” Noeul hissed, his voice muffled by Kai’s comforter. Kai rolled his eyes as Noeul’s dark eyes peeked out from underneath it. 

“That never works on me,” Gale laughed. “You don’t have to be ashamed.” 

“Yeah, at least my fucktoy’s hot,” Kai said. “Wish you could say the same, Gale.”

“You can insult me all you want,” Gale said, “but leave Mako out of this.” 

“Mako has fucking soup all over his hoodie. I can say whatever I want about him,” Kai sneered. 

“And you’re crocheting after sex,” Mako chimed in. 

“He’s not wrong,” Noeul murmured, resting his head on Kai’s shoulder. 

“God forbid a man have a hobby around here.” Kai shook his head. 

“I’m sorry, but the smell of broccoli is seriously making me want to vomit right now. I need to change,” Mako whispered, yanking Gale into the bathroom and slamming the door. 

“Did you just call me your fucktoy?” Noeul said, his voice carrying beneath the door. 

“Yeah,” Kai confirmed. “I thought you liked that.” 

“That’s so dehumanizing.”

“Oh, would you like ‘doll’ better?”

“…Go back to your knitting.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Bitchass.”

Mako peeled his sweatshirt and button-up from his torso, and he started to pat himself dry with a towel.

“Here, let me help,” Gale offered. He shoved Mako’s stained clothes into a nearby hamper, doing his best to avert his eyes away from Mako.

“Are you okay?” Mako asked, tilting his head as Gale continued to push the clothes infinitely down the hamper. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Sweat built on Gale’s forehead. 

“You can look at me. It’s okay,” Mako laughed. “This isn’t like Twilight— my skin won’t blind you with majestic sparkles.”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Gale stammered, staring at the various gold rings on his fingers. “I mean, we just had our first date, and I don’t want to move too fast.” 

“Oh, God forbid you see your boyfriend shirtless, lest you have impure thoughts about him,” Mako said in a high, mocking British accent. “They’ll burn you at the stake, surely. No one shalt know that Gale Porter is a filthy homosexual, no no no!” 

Gale burst out laughing as he hesitantly lifted his eyes to meet Mako’s. “I don’t know,” Gale breathed through choppy laughter. “After rooming with Kai for so long, I feel like every act of intimacy will lead to someone getting rammed raw and me hearing all the unnecessary details afterward.”

“Shit, I’m glad Crow is my roommate,” Mako smoothed out his hair in Gale’s mirror. “I don’t think he even knows what sex is.” 

“He’s probably too busy trying to solve a Rubix cube or whatever he plays to care,” Gale said. To his surprise, Mako was no Greek god come to seduce him. He was a regular teenage boy who worried about regular teenage boy things, unlike his perpetually slutty roommate. 

“I’m jealous of him, in a way,” Mako said. “He doesn’t really pick up on social cues, so he just does whatever he wants and has fun doing it. I wish I could have that confidence.” 

“I wish Kai would pick up on some of my social cues,” Gale groaned, rolling his eyes.

“Gay horniness is an unstoppable force compared to an occasional side-eye,” Mako joked. 

Gale stared blankly at the door in front of him. “I have an idea.”

Mako slowly turned to look at Gale, glancing up and down at him.

“It’ll be funny, I promise,” Gale whispered. 

“Why are we whispering?” Mako asked, lowering his voice.

“You’ll find out. Are Kai and Noeul still out there?” 

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Perfect.” Gale maniacally grinned. “This is going to sound weird, but just play along.”

“What the fuck are you planning, Porter?”

“Sshhh. I’ll do the embarrassing part, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Pretend you’re fucking me.”

“What?”

“No, just— just, make some grunting noises and bang your fist on the door or something.”

“What is the purpose of this, exactly?”

“To show them how it feels to be me!”

Mako deeply sighed. “It would be funny.”

“It won’t take long, I promise,” Gale said. 

“Alright.” Mako curled his fist into a ball and positioned it on the door. “Tell me when to start.” 

“Go,” Gale whispered, holding his hands to his chin to cover his red face. Mako repeatedly pounded his fist into the door, too embarrassed to make any noise. 

“Oh, Mako!” Gale dramatically moaned, draping himself against the wall like a damsel in distress. “Oh, great heavens!”

Mako hung his head as he clearly suppressed a laughing fit. “Yeah, you like that, don’t you?” 

Gale slammed his hand over his mouth, his heart beating a million times a kilometer. “Oh, yes!” His voice cracked as he nearly broke his contained laughter. “Keep going, keep going!” 

Kai whistled from the other side of the door. Mako couldn’t contain himself and wheezed as he keeled over the sink. 

“No, no, we’re getting a reaction!” Gale whispered. “We can’t stop now.” 

“You’re my little whore, Porter!” Mako yelled in a nasty, gritty voice. He slammed his body into the door, the thud echoing. Gale quietly cackled as he sat himself on the counter of the sink. 

“I am your filthy little whore, Mako!” Gale kicked his legs and batted his eyes at his boyfriend, causing Mako to hold his stomach as he leaned over. Quiet laughs escaped between stifled breaths. 

“God, they suck at dirty talk,” Noeul whispered, shaking his head. “So basic. So heteronormative, even.” 

“Really,” Kai agreed. “I just hope he took my sweatshirt off somewhere safe. I don’t want British DNA on my clothes.” 

“I’m so close!” Gale shouted. Mako buried his face in his arms to stifle his laughter. “Oh, God, I’m coming!”

“Shit, that’s my vintage Alexander McQueen!” Kai exclaimed. “I’ll be right back, fucktoy.”

“I told you to stop calling me that!” Noeul complained. 

“It’s funny.”

“It’s about as funny as a Vivziepop bit. The only funny part is the word ‘fuck,’ at this point.”

“It’s funny because it pisses you off.”

“Whatever.” Noeul pawed at Kai’s dangling red yarn. “Wait, are you seriously barging in on them?” 

“Watching them hitting it from the back could not possibly be worse than them ruining my vintage McQueen.” Kai slung open the door, bracing himself for the worst. Instead, he was greeted by Mako holding Gale, them both in an outrageous fit of laughter. Mako wiped a stray tear from his eye. 

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Kai snapped. “You had me all worked up about my sweatshirt for nothing?”

“You’re the victim here?” Gale said. “I have to hear you explain your sex life in detail on the daily! This was vanilla compared to you, man.” 

“That ‘Oh, great heavens!’ was scarring,” Kai said. “Don’t get me started.”

“Oh my god, that part was hilarious,” Mako said, gently slapping the back of Gale’s neck. 

“It was supposed to be traumatizing,” Gale explained. “I know how much you love my British tendencies, Kai.”

“Get out of this bathroom before I shove fish and chips up both of your asses.” Kai blinked, his expression remaining stoic. 

“I do need to get back to my room,” Mako said. “I’m sure Crow wants to hear about our eventful evening.” 

“Do you need extra clothes?” Gale offered. 

“Eh, it’s fine,” Mako said. “My room is just down the hall.” 

“If you need anything, you know where to find me.” Gale stood on the tip of his toes to lightly peck Mako’s lips. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Mako kissed Gale’s forehead before leaving to find his own room. 

“That was gross,” Kai sneered. “I would have rather watched you two fuck than your little fairy sesh.”

“I, for one, greatly enjoy having a healthy relationship with my boyfriend,” Gale said, hopping onto his bed. “Maybe ask Sonnet what it’s like to have a healthy relationship with yours.” 

Kai glared at Gale as Noeul nonchalantly stretched. “I think that’s my cue to leave,” he said, sliding his faded Deftones shirt over his head. 

“Yeah, I’d say so,” Kai said, awkwardly clapping. “I’ll see you later, fucktoy.”

“Stop!” Noeul howled as he dramatically leaned his head back. 

“He loves it,” Kai said, pointing back at Noeul as he nodded at Gale. “He just likes to lie to me.” 

“I’m sure.” Gale clicked on his white noise machine and rolled his shoulders back. After such a long evening, he fell asleep immediately. Thankfully, he didn’t have to hear Kai and Noeul argue about the use of the word ‘fucktoy’ for a solid fifteen more minutes. 

[the-dalseum-duet]

gay people with nouns as names in a cult. this is hozier

FILTHY HOMOSEXUALS THEY ARE! BURN THEM!! AT THE STAKE!! GET THEM AWAYYY FROM ME AT ONCE

@svwhssftr mandatory cult member with a noun name tag

movement by hozier. i think that’s all I have to say. saw the prompt of “cult leader x their sacrifice” somewhere I don’t even know. doing something a little free-form today. a little looser-knit narrative. 

update: I got a little carried away literally just letting Crow yap so. this is half gay and half just me projecting onto Crow because I think it’s funny 

Blood danced in the divinely glistening saltwater, curling in almost enticing ribbons around Mako’s pale lips. God, it burned like the pits of hell, but it was the closest thing in Dalseum to heaven. 

Gale was a sacrifice, sure, but he was more than willing to forsake his body for the unrestricted power of his lover. His hands tightened around Mako’s neck as he hauled his aching body upward. He tasted his own blood on Mako’s lips, its rusty, tangy sweetness melting into the water rising above them. Mako ran his claw-like gloves through Gale’s drenched hair, droplets of water speckling his drained face. 

“Kiss me again,” Gale breathed, his vision blurring. 

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Mako kissed the fang marks left on Gale’s neck. 

“You won’t hurt me, love.” 

A second wave crashed into them as Mako sank his teeth into Gale’s exposed shoulder, the smell of blood inducing him into some feral fit. He brushed Gale’s wounds with his lips before lifting him from the water, sand rising into swarms of dust around their feet. 

Gale lifted his quivering hand to his neck, the blood dripping around his neck glinting in the full moonlight. “Did it work?” 

The blood staining Mako’s hands and nose reflected the deep blue of the ocean around them. His answer was another kiss. He lifted Gale’s unstable form and spun him in the piercingly bright moonlight, the thin shawl carelessly strewn across his bare skin soaking wet.

 

The scene was much less romantic when Mako recalled it to the members of The Order of the Fin the morning afterward with the unconscious, sand-covered body of Gale— or, rather, The Sacrifice— stretched across his arms. 

“So, he’s dead?” The Oracle asked, prodding at the scabbed wounds across The Sacrifice’s neck. 

“He’s not dead, God, no!” Mako explained. 

“You took him out to the ocean just to bite him?” The Archivist asked, chugging his third straight Redbull of the morning. “Could you not have done that somewhere sanitary?” 

“My whole shtick is that I’m, like, an ocean god,” Mako awkwardly said, stumbling over his words. “I thought it would be kind of badass, I guess. To sacrifice my lover underneath the moonlight in the ocean, or whatever.” 

“That’s so fucking corny.” The Archivist blinked his heavy eyes. 

“Yeah, in hindsight, it was probably lame.” Mako stared down at his feet and twisted his heel back and forth. 

“He’s not ‘your lover;” he’s some random twink who just stumbled upon here because my pocket watch decided to act up,” The Archivist sighed. 

“Who are you to deny our almighty Prince his affections?” The Oracle said. 

“Yeah, you’re probably jealous of him,” The Archivist mumbled. “Fuckin’ predator, that’s what you are.” 

“What was that?” The Oracle asked, narrowing their striking eyes. 

“Oh, nothing,” The Archivist said. “It’s just a little odd that your whole job is to suck up to some guy who’s barely eighteen. Don’t you think so, Mako?” 

“I’m literally a god,” Mako said. “Crow, that’s what worship is.” 

“Who’s that?” The Oracle sharply asked, swiftly elbowing Mako. He nearly dropped The Sacrifice’s lifeless body. 

“The… shit. Archivist? Is that what we decided?” Mako asked. 

“I don’t even care.” The Archivist let his head slam down into his desk. “I haven’t slept in three days. I can’t feel my hands. I don’t know what words are anymore. I haven’t taken my meds since I don’t know when.”

“Look, I’ve performed miracles before—“ Mako started. 

“Oh, miracle-schmiracle!” The Archivist exclaimed, slamming his fist into his shabby desk. “You’ve yet to do shit about my degenerative disease. Not even any miracles! Just, like, basic accommodations, man! This cult is not very inclusive!” 

“I mean, you’ve never asked me to do anything,” Mako murmured. 

“I don’t even have my T shots anymore! I sound even more like a prepubescent teenage boy than usual. My acne is somehow worse, and I seriously doubt you want to hear about bottom grow-“ 

“This clearly isn’t a transphobia thing,” The Oracle chimed in. “I’m still on estrogen. This seems like a personal issue of yours.”

“It’s because I’m Asian, isn’t it?” The Archivist aggressively pointed at both of them.

Mako and The Oracle shared a blank stare.

“How do I answer that?” The Oracle whispered. 

“Don’t.” The Archivist realized his mistake after he tidied a stack of papers. 

“I’ll let The Oracle take care of The Sacrifice with me today. You need to sleep, man,” Mako said. 

“I can’t sleep,” The Archivist muttered. “Too much to keep up with. Now, I have The Soggy Twink or whatever to write about. What’s his name?”

“The Sacrifice,” Mako admitted, hiding his face in his robes in embarrassment. 

“The Sacrifice?” The Archivist laughed. “That’s so corny, oh my god! And I thought it couldn’t get any more ridiculously queer around here.” 

“Our names are reduced to our simplest role for ease,” The Oracle stated, shrugging. 

“Still, The Sacrifice? What, is this some sort of cheap BL manhwa where the bottom has no role other than to be a pathetic hole-bearer? This is just fetishization, at this point. I’m not writing this.”

“What did any of those words mean?” The Oracle whispered to Mako. 

“I don’t know,” Mako whispered in return. 

“I mean, I understand that the genre of BL overall has a rich history of queer rights and women’s liberation in East Asia, but damn! It’s a little ridiculous, don’t you think? That this still represents us?” The Archivist dramatically spun around in his spinny chair and tossed his disgustingly pale hands into the air.

“Let’s get you to bed,” Mako said, passing The Sacrifice to The Oracle. 

“Please tell me you didn’t fuck his unconscious body,” The Archivist pleaded as Mako dragged him from his seat. “Mako, please tell me—“ 

“He and I have done nothing remotely sexual with each other,” Mako confirmed, patting The Archivist’s head as he easily slung him over his shoulder. The Archivist did not fight back.

“See, look at you go!” The Archivist exclaimed. “Breaking stereotypes by being a freak and a virgin simultaneously.” 

“And you’re not either of those?” Mako asked, beginning the trek down the stairs to The Order’s sleeping quarters. 

“I’m a freak, absolutely,” The Archivist said. “And I hate to break this to you, but I have fucked your mom.”

“I don’t have—“ 

“Exactly!” The Archivist said, softly kicking his feet. “That’s the joke, nitwit.”

“You’re so funny,” Mako flatly said. “What would I ever do without you?” 

“It’s kinda weird, though,” The Archivist said, “that your dads act like that. Like, my dad was off the walls insane, but at least it was interesting. Your dads are just horny. That’s, like, all that defines them. That must be so sad.” 

“Mhm.” Mako was not listening to The Archivist’s rambling. 

“See, I don’t want to write that. Anyone who does must be some sick freak with too much time on her hands. Shouldn’t she be applying for scholarships or something? Or going to bed. That would be good.” 

“Sure.”

“You really didn’t fuck him?”

“Nope.”

“Why is he butt-ass naked then?”

“He had a covering.”

“I could imagine what was directly under it with little to no effort.” 

“It was supposed to be dramatic and sensual, alright, man? It was supposed to be cool! A blood ritual is one of the most intimate things two beings can share,” Mako explained.

“Yeah, because me slicing your wrist open with a pocket knife was so intimate.” 

“You just don’t know the power of blood rituals yet. Do you know how Charlie and Sara did theirs?”

“No.”

Mako laughed. “You don’t want to know.” 

Mako kicked open his door as The Archivist stretched. “You’re letting me sleep in your bed?” The Archivist asked.

“You need somewhere comfortable, clearly.” As Mako rolled The Archivist onto his bed, he was sound asleep before Mako even rolled up his blanket to cover him. 

He had one unhinged cult member taken care of. Now, he just had to reawaken his Sacrifice. 

[the-dalseum-duet]

gay Panera Bread date gone wrong! (there was blood!) (and slurs!) (not clickbait!)

@svwhssftr mandatory mako coparent tag come look at your well-behaved gentleman of a son

just some Sutton Valence-adjacent shenanigans for tonight after a long golf practice. it’s hard to explain but in the original Sutton Valence, characters who had children that were also major characters (like Gregory and Adam) were not seen as parents and children. like it was acknowledged that Gregory was technically his father, but it wasn’t the same person. bc that Gregory was not the same age. if that makes any sense. just keep that in mind

anyway! they’re so Ricky Montgomery coded I love them DEARRRLY i fear I have fangstitch brainrot. in my delulu hopeless romantic era. I also fear that it’s not a Sutton Valence excerpt without something oddly serious covered. 

“Crow, do you have any formal clothes?” Mako anxiously slid the hangers of his cramped wardrobe as he brushed through his collection of nicer clothing. 

“Nothing that would fit you.” Crow crossed his legs as he mashed the buttons of his Switch. “Where are you two going, anyway?” 

“Panera.”

“Panera?” Crow repeated as he paused his play-through of Deltarune to stare at Mako, mouth agape. “You’re asking me for formal clothes for a date at Panera?”

“I don’t have anything!” Mako exclaimed. “I mean, he’s a big fashion guy. What if I wear something entirely inappropriate?”

“I can guarantee you that formal attire at Panera Bread would be entirely inappropriate,” Crow said. 

“What do you think I should wear, then?” Mako sighed. 

“I don’t know, man. I’m a fan of the collared shirt and sweatshirt combo, personally. It never misses.” 

“Collared shirt,” Mako repeated, standing on the tip of his toes as he swung the metal tops of his hangers. “Nice sweatshirt.”

Meanwhile, Gale adjusted the button of his shirt as he puffed out his hair in his bathroom mirror. It was a simple ensemble. Mako liked simple, right? Did it really matter, in the long run? He already agreed to their date. 

“Kai, you’ve been going out with Noeul for a while, right?” Gale asked, propping open the bathroom door with his foot. 

“Something like that.” Kai dramatically stretched himself over his bed. “Why do you ask?”

“How often do you go on dates?” Gale asked. 

“Never,” Kai responded. “Why would we do that gay shit?” 

Gale cocked his head. “Because you want to further your relationship and understanding of each other?” 

“I think we understand each other perfectly fine.”

“I guess we’re just different.” Gale habitually picked at his cuticles, chipping his bronze nail polish. 

“Thank God,” Kai sneered, staring at the popcorn ceiling. 

“Can I borrow your blue sweatshirt?” Gale asked. “I’ll be careful with it.”

“It’s going to swallow you whole, but sure,” Kai said. “Just don’t get, like, cum or shit on it.” 

“Huh?” Gale said, his head craning around the door. 

“You heard me, Porter. Just don’t get freaky with your boy toy on my vintage Alexander McQueen, and we’ll be fine.” 

“That’s vintage McQueen?” Gale asked, his eyes widening. “And you never told me?” 

“It never came up.” Kai shrugged. 

“I might have to borrow it more often,” Gale said under his breath. 

“Where are you going, anyway?” Kai asked. 

“The little Panera down the street.” 

“Panera?” Kai laughed. “God, you are a faggot.”

“It’s cozy! They have good soups!”

“You are a pansy,” Kai cackled.

“You’ve shagged significantly more men than I have, Shirogane.” Gale narrowed his eyes as he tucked Kai’s sweatshirt into his khaki pants. 

“Shagged?” Kai said. “What, am I some kind of rug?”

Gale rolled his eyes. “You should be more familiar with British slang by now.”

“And you should be more familiar with some dick by now.” 

“I’m not interested in his… manly bits… right now-“

“What the fuck?” Kai cried.

“What?”

“Why do you talk like that all the time?” Kai asked. “‘His manly bits.’ This has to be a joke.”

“Welcome to Britain, Kai! Sorry, we have dignity and a healthy relationship with sex.”

“You clearly don’t have a healthy relationship with sex.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend who sleeps with Sonnet Chea behind my back.”

Kai blinked. “That’s not true, Gale.” 

“It most certainly is true!” 

“I know Noeul fucks Sonnet. I just don’t care.” 

“Oh.” Gale’s voice cracked. 

“I’m just saying, you should loosen up a little,” Kai said. “Learn to take a joke, man.”

“Your jokes aren’t very funny,” Gale said, grabbing his bag and wallet from a hook on their door. 

“They get me good dick,” Kai said. “What do your nonexistent jokes get you, Gale?”

“A boyfriend who actually gives two shits about me.” Gale stiffly smiled as he closed the door and headed down the hall to meet Mako. 

As Gale traversed the halls, Mako’s eyes were locked on his bedside alarm clock. 

“Does it look okay?” he asked, his voice wavering. “I think it looks okay.” 

“You look great, dude.” Crow awkwardly patted Mako’s back. “I think the blue sweatshirt and khaki pants complement each other.”

“Really?”

“Really.” 

“I’m nervous.” Mako fidgeted with the shark keychain dangling from his wallet. “I’ve never been on a date before. I think he really likes me, and I don’t want to fuck up-“ 

“If someone somehow doesn’t like you, then they’re the problem,” Crow said, instinctively adjusting the chain of Mako’s paperclip necklace. “Gale seems like a good guy. Just have fun.” 

“Do my teeth look weird?”

“As fucked-up as always.” Crow smiled. 

“Perfect.” Mako confidently grinned as he swung open the door of his dorm room. His face dropped as he saw Gale across the hall. Gale waved at him, and Mako slammed the door.

“Crow, what do I do?” Mako exclaimed. 

“What’s wrong?” Crow had just returned to his game, so he was moderately annoyed. 

“We’re wearing the same exact outfit.”

“You’re what?”

“I saw him down the hall. It’s the exact same. Blue sweatshirt, collared shirt, khakis.” 

Crow burst out laughing. “Are you serious?”

“This isn’t funny, Crow!”

“You’re right, this is hilarious. Open the door, let me get a picture of you two.” 

“Absolutely not-“

Gale managed to knock on the door twice before Crow aggressively opened it, slamming it directly into Gale’s nose. 

“Ah!” Gale shortly screamed, curling over to shield his nose with his hands. 

“Oh, fuck,” Crow whispered. “Gale, I’m so sorry, man-“

“No, I’m okay!” Gale nasally confirmed. “It’s not that bad, I promise.” 

Gale removed his hands to reveal a stream of blood pouring from his right nostril.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Mako gasped.  “I’m so sorry, Crow’s such an asshole.”

“Hey!” Crow snapped. 

“No, I’m fine!” Gale laughed. “This happens sometimes. Nosebleeds, I mean. Do you have any tissues?”

“I got some from Crow’s desk. Here.” Mako shoved a wad of tissues into Gale’s face. 

“Wait, are we wearing the same outfit?” Gale murmured through a glob of bloody tissues. 

“Yeah, I think we are,” Mako laughed, his face bright red. 

“Smile!” Crow perched atop his bed with a digital camera and excitedly waved at the couple. He did not wait for them to smile. Instead, he caught a candid shot of Gale wiping blood from above his lip and Mako looking incredibly pissed at him. 

“I think I’m okay,” Gale confirmed, tilting his head down and admiring himself in Mako’s mirror. Blood no longer stained his upper lip.

Crow threw a black hoodie at Mako. “This is the hoodie we agreed to get at the Ricky Montgomery show. I’ve hoarded it for long enough. You can finally wear it.” 

“Is it clean?” Mako asked.

“Dubiously.”

Mako shrugged. “It should be fine.” 

Crow couldn’t help but notice Gale staring off at his quilted throw as Mako got changed. It was nice to witness some form of respect as opposed to the raging horniness he was accustomed to seeing.

“I should be ready to go,” Mako said, taking Gale’s hand. A warm flush crept across Gale’s cheeks. 

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, I’m ready, too,” Gale said.  Mako reached to open their door.

“Y’all be safe,” Crow called, doing his best impression of the Kentuckians he had grown to know and love. 

“Take care, now,” Mako replied in an equally horrific Southern accent. 

“You’re learning!” Crow excitedly clapped. 

“Never say that again,” Gale said, leaning into Mako. With that, the duo embarked on their romantic first date at the local Panera Bread. 

[the-dalseum-duet]

ON THE ROAD TO HELL THERE WAS A RAILROAD LIIIIIINE 🗣️🗣️🗣️

good luck deciphering whatever the fuck any of this means @svwhssftr

I LOVE HADESTOWN SM AUUUGHHH. NARRATORS IN MUSICALS KILL ME AND THERE ARE FOUR (4) SO WE’RE STARTING W THEM 

Crow as Hermes. Similar energy. Just there for a good time but also has the ability to be serious when necessary. Hard to explain this choice but it seemed obvious to me considering the rest of the choices. Also the brother-like relationship between Hermes and Orpheus. 

The fates are difficult. Bc there’s 3 of them and everything w the Dalseum duet comes back to the number two. I did this very intentionally so I really don’t know. Leaning towards Sara, Charlie, and Sonnet just bc the fates are all strong-voiced women and they’re the closest thing we have to three women who are unrelated to the plot. Marie could be the third but she does not have the slinky, sultry energy Sonnet has. The fates aren’t all that important to the story. They’re just cool and intimidating and I love them dearly. I think the three of them could carry some heavy jazz vocals.  

now Persephone and Hades are so heavily costco coded that this pains me. we’re going to do some flipping around here though and go with Noeul as Persephone and Kai as Hades. Because Persephone is an alcoholic that’s my entire thought process there. He was living it up on top. And he has a bit more empathy than Kai buried deep inside him I feel like. He’s a much worse human being but he does have very strong emotions.

Persephone uses her power as a goddess very irresponsibly. She’s a drug addict bro. Persephone put the substances down. But the people still love her because she’s all they have. She sucks but she’s their only hope. Noeul ass situation 

Kai as Hades idk man. Just the aura. The whole “I CONDUCT THE ELECTRIC CITY” thing? I can see kai going on a power trip just for it to be threatened by… some guy wanting to save his girlfriend from his labor camp. And Kai would be more willing to toy around with Gale. Noeul just refuses to acknowledge him. But Kai would absolutely call him a pretty little songbird and mock him for being poor. Patrick Page new kai voice claim (slash j) 

***hey um update after re-listening to some of the soundtrack ABSOLUTELY not 100% it’s the other way around!! Noeul as hades and kai as Persephone. Persephone’s high energy and role as a voice of reason for Hades despite being fucking batshit insane is so kai. And Hades refusing to compromise his crooked system to pity some poor child until Orpheus compares his love for Eurydice to his love for Persephone? HELLO. Noeul. 

Also. “Just as long as I am your WIFE.” kai delivery. “You and your pity don’t fit in my bed, you just burn like a fire in the pit of my bed” ??? KOHLS ASS LINE. How Long my beloved. also. Hades’ and Orpheus’ exchange during Chant reprise? About keeping Persephone shackled? NOEUL AND MAKO HOLY SHIT. Chant overall is so fucking good. And the entire last verse of Epic III is about Noeul regardless of Hadestown au context. This whole show is ridiculous GOD. when the time loop media hits. me when I conduct the electric city

now for the fun. Orpheus and Eurydice as Mako and Gale. They’re perfect idk how i didn’t make this connection sooner. Probably because Adam’s entire character has been based on Orpheus since 8th grade and I refuse to change that. But for this I will. 

Orpheus is the son of a muse, so he has supernatural artistic abilities (very hard to explain this but like… his music is of the gods). And the whole Mako being a pseudo-god thing. Perf. And Orpheus’s personality fits. Fairly nonchalant but full of passion and love. Strong Greek myth protagonist energy. Mako WOULD casually traverse the river Styx and endless miles of barbed wire fences while singing a little song for his precious little boyfriend. And casually perform a feat no one ever has before just to MONUMENTALLY fuck it up

GALE AS EURYDICE I’M KICKING MY FEET RN I ADORE THAT WOMAN. 

Eurydice is an orphan. You’ll never guess who else is an orphan. As of literally yesterday while I was cleaning at work. That’s right it’s gayul porta

And Eurydice’s a little feisty. She’s got a little kick to her. Gale too has this overall air of disbelief at everything that’s happening but still partaking anyway. Also more than willing to marry this random ass guy he just met bc he said he was pretty

But Gale is also practical. He’s scrappy. He does what he needs to do in order to survive, no matter what that is. And that’s the driving force of Eurydice’s character too so it fits perfectly. He WOULD sell his soul for money. That’s more or less what he did during the Doehunt arc anyway

picturing Gale doing her solo on the turntable in wait for me reprise dude just fucking shoot me. AUGGGHHH /pos

and Noeul’s a BITCHASS LIAR I WOULD LOOK BACK TOO MAKO. YOU’RE A DUMBASS BUT IT’S OKAY

i need to sleep. i might draw some costume designs for this tmrw if i think abt it but best believe i will be THINKING ABOUT THEM 

[the-dalseum-duet]

and so the… shark… fell in love with the… bird…

I have so many feelings abt fangstitch and I need to ramble to get them out. Bc nothing is really set in stone rn but I have many a concept in this junk drawer I call a brain

I’m just going to pretend the little Sutton Valence excerpts don’t exist I kind of hate them now. They were cute! They were fangstitch! But not quite the vibe I’m going for. These characters behave much differently in positions of government authority than in a boarding school 

I LOVE anything with dramatic classical historical energy. And fangstitch perfectly embodies this. An aloof prince of a remote kingdom with an insatiable thirst for blood? A British instigator who’s too nosy and detail-obsessed for his own good? Both of which have uptight manners on the surface but are fucked up in reality? We’re already off to a good start. 

And I think their histories are also very interesting. Gale does everything to feel like he has power and recognition. He revels in the elite. He lies and cheats to make his way to the top (he was supposed to be a lawyer what did you expect) and he hides this through pretending to be a friendly, trustworthy face to The Council. His true nature comes out when he begins working with Sonnet to sabotage Sara and Charlie. He’s a crafty little bitch and I LOVE that about him. I want to crush him like an ant! (affectionate)

I feel like this side of him perfectly meshes with Mako. Mako is fairly benevolent. He doesn’t actively want to hurt anyone, but he has a position of power. He wants to keep his status. He shows kindness to others, but he isn’t the most sincere. He’s actively rude to Crow when he expresses any of his complaints about the elite of anywhere, but especially Dalseum. He’s a prickly little bitch. He is Draco Malfoy deep down. And I love that about him. I want to punch out his teeth (affectionate).

(Side note: still not sure how Gale winds up with Mako. I like to think Sonnet has some sort of divine power that they don’t let on to. Maybe Gale is just destined to find himself wherever the nearest object of worship is. It’s like protons and electrons. But time slash universe travel)

So Gale latches onto this sassy little guy thinking that he’ll fix all his self-esteem problems and Mako latches onto him because he has a cute little guy to boss around who won’t complain about him. 

Gale is also capable of much more than Mako is. He tried to fuckin shoot Adam. He will take a bitch out for someone. Fortunately, so will Charlie. Rip Gale you will not be missed. But Mako definitely uses Gale’s endless loyalty to his advantage. I WILL be using Gale’s endless loyalty to my advantage.

They’re also very dip hellpark coded… one of my favorite ships eveerrrr it absolutely hits. I love ships that are just like… “these two guys are in charge but they both suck at being decent people. so good luck everyone else!” and they fit this oddly specific trope. Like “the world is on fire but I’m going to make out with you regardless” type shit

Also. Their differences in background. Scrumptious. I’m eating them both as we speak. 

Alr just to start I will admit that I do have a lot of HEAVY internalized fatphobia. We don’t talk abt what happened when I got back from GSP and realized I gained weight in my legs. Like. I’m not like that to people I know obviously. But I feel like a lot of those internalized issues are very much reflected in my work. And I’m doing my best to start overcoming that again by NOT having all of my characters built like skeletons anymore. 

And Gale was a prime contender for this imo. Mainly because of the way Noeul has treated him. I do project a lot of my internal biases on Noeul I CANNOT LIE. Noeul would absolutely shove someone to the side because they don’t fit his exact image of what a Council member should look like. Hell, he does it to Sonnet. If you’re going to be associated with Noeul, you must be perfect. Gale fights to keep his position by being his closest confidant. 

All this was to say. Chubby Gale canon fuck you (in reference to myself) 

And because of Noeul’s judgement, Gale does not feel truly appreciated in the slightest. He accepts this ridicule as a necessary side effect to being in power. But Mako? Mako doesn’t fucking care about his size. He just sees a guy with pretty eyes and soft skin who’s perfect to sleep beside. Lanky cold-blooded freak and his portable heater with plenty of flesh to sink his teeth into. It’s economical.

And Mako is very touchy. He’ll just pat you on the back or place his hand on your shoulder. Michelle energy. It’s in his genes to be handsy with people he probably shouldn’t be handsy with. Looking at both Noeul and Kai rn. But this freaks out Gale bc he’s never been respected enough for someone to be affectionate with him, even casually. He’s like “whyyy is this tall conventionally attractive man willing to give me a proper peck on the cheek innit” and mako’s just like “hehe. pretty man gets flustered when I hold his hand” 

it gives them both a power high dw about it

oh yeah and the whole blood drinking thing. It’s unnecessary but it’s DRAMATIC who gives a fuck?? Gale’s probably the only person who isn’t like “HELLLL NOOOO” when Mako mentions it so. They’re compatible there. Gale probably thinks it’s hot let’s be real… he’s not as innocent as he looks. He has most definitely read like. vampire jungkook x reader smut on Wattpad as an adolescent. 

just. I. them. stupid little faggots I hope they crash and die. I love them. i love that they have that soft tumblr fujobait outside but are absolutely rotten weirdos deep within their hearts. my babies i hope they sleep well tonight 

[the-dalseum-duet]

…thinking about historical fangstitch

[the-dalseum-duet]

fangstitch. do you hear me screeching

[the-dalseum-duet]

thinking abt silly sapphic fangstitch: yayyy!! life is so whimsical

realizing it’s my last year of daydreaming abt my silly people in my head:

[the-dalseum-duet]

the insatiable urge to yap about fangstitch but the necessary evil of going to bed bc you have school in the morning…