#familiarity does not mean something is good and i'm so tired of being around people who think they're witnessing a good story

[psalmsofpsychosis]

okay but for real, spending an ungodly amount of time in the past 3 years around intellectually deadening media and people who mistake familiarity with brilliance has mostly made me feel insane, but it has also helped me develop the most straightforward approach to media i've had in years. Like, it's gotten very simple for me to gauge where i stand with people's creations and i love the sense of foundational simplicity i've found regarding my taste in media, like

you see, i need the art to tell something new, creative, distinct and interesting. If it cannot do that, then i need it to say something kind, compassionate and useful. and if it can't achieve that either, i find zero value in it, period. I've had so many people approaching me with the implication that demanding creativity and originality from media is somehow "wrong" and "weird" and "too much to ask for", as if i'm the problem for needing and expecting variety and novelty from art, the unspoken idea being "is it not enough that it's pretty? is it not enough that there are conventionally attractive able-bodied & socially sanctioned "hot" people fucking in it?" and no. the pervasive and invasive superficiality in your interpretation of stories and art is utterly boring to me, i really dont care how much "thin hot fuck young person" and "pretty aesthetics" you stick on your utterly dead and deadening narratives. I approach a piece of media and ask "is this telling something new? is this asking a different question whithin an intriguing framework?" and then i'm going to ask "is this kind and understanding of its subject matter? is it curious and openminded? is this information useful to our understanding of the world right now?" and if it cannot answer either question i'll drop it as fast as i picked it up.

[chocoqtelle]

inner child pac reading

🦀 pile one,,

I know we're used to being super helpful, but it's good to help yourself too. you should always make sure you're okay first. It's important for us to be okay, even if other people don't think so. we should think so. things are gonna be okay for us. they always are. I want to do the things we like. I don't understand why you care about what people think now. I think we should try doing what we like more, even if it's embarrassing. it doesn't have to take a lot of time. it's just good to have fun sometimes. maybe you can get back into some of our old interests if you want?

it seems like this pile had to mature quickly and was overly generous in childhood. this likely led to some people pleaser habits. when the world said "be nice" and "care about others" you took it to heart, but it felt like you were the only one who did. you felt like you had to be the adult in your childhood and care for other people around you. for some of you, you may have had to care for a parental/older familiar figure or your siblings. you're used to changing your words and your personality to be more digestible and gentle because this strong fear of conflict. you were scared of people being mean to you, so you avoided making anyone mad. it was like you were always tiptoeing over eggshells. now, you don't have to, so there's no point in worrying about people who don't worry about you. you'd be doing yourself and your inner child a favor by doing what you want. it might feel wrong to be yourself, but at least try. I won't delve too much into this part, but I believe some people in this pile also dealt with being oversexualized or being hyper sexual at a young age. I think it's important to know you're more than what you can give others for this pile. please also take a break for the love of god.

🐸 pile two,,

It's hard to feel loved if nobody shows you. at the same time, i don't think I'd want to be loved. it seems weird and uncomfortable. I'm not used to it so it's scary. I still wish that someone would care at least. it feels like nobody else cares. I'm really tired of things being silent and boring all the time. I want to do something fun. I want friends but I want to be by myself. people think I'm weird, but I think they're the weird ones. they can avoid me but I wouldn't wanna be friends with them anyway. it doesn't matter if it's lonely, I don't feel less lonely around people anyway. some people think I'm mean. I don't think I'm mean. i heard I look mean or I act mean sometimes, but what if that's just who I am? I don't try to be mean to people. I just don't want people to hurt me.

holy neglect trauma... there's a lot to unpack here 😓 first off, I hope you're alright. it seems like this pile never really learned how to interact with people and is probably still a bit of a people hater. this pile has had to keep strong boundaries and walls on to protect themselves from unfamiliar experiences (being spoken to positively.) if you've never experienced something, it can be scary but you have to stop thinking every little thing is gonna go wrong in your life. it's fine. separate note but I think someone's ancestors are very present here, might want to connect with them if you don't already. you can try to shut down the feelings of loneliness and pretend connection won't help but it does. you're probably not connected with your inner child or you're ashamed of yourself for some reason. trying to be cold won't undo anything or save you from the feelings you're hiding. you'll have to acknowledge them at some point. escapism and forcing ignorance wont help forever. hopefully it'll be sooner than later, but that's your choice. it's okay to be soft, btw.

🐕 pile three,,

I know what I'm talking about. I'm serious. I wish people would take me more seriously. i get good grades, I study hard, I always prove how smart I am. for some reason, people still act like I'm too young and stupid to have opinions or that what I say is just silly, especially with emotions. they act like having emotions makes you a less rational person. some people look down on me for who I am, too. it's not something I can change. whether it's gender, age, or whatever, people always want an excuse to ignore how I feel or what I have to say. I know I'm right though. I don't want us to stop expressing ourselves. I wanna share how I feel to the world.

this pile is extremely opinionated and knows how to share their emotions. this pile is for the "bossy" kids who "should have been lawyers" or "a CEO" according to every adult around them. you were emotional as a child and it was always ignored or joked off as if your feelings were invalid. this pile is definitely natural-born leaders so if you aren't/never have been aspiration-driven or "extra" this pile probably isn't yours. the most healing thing you can do for yourself at this point is speak up. continue to speak about everything. share your opinion more, it's safe now and people will actually take you seriously. be emotional, be too much, be annoying, be talkative, be over-opinionated, be everything you feel like being and don't let anyone talk you out of it. lead your life how you want to. call everything out, even if it means being weird. I definitely feel like some people in this pile had the gifted kid experience or liked to read a lot when they were younger. there's also some unresolved anger that might need to be taken care of. I think speaking up more instead of bottling feelings up will definitely help that, though. you're not stupid or weak for being emotional. just be yourself unapologetically and that's the best thing you can do for your younger self.

[channelinglament]

Sksjdjjkskskskskksk

I know I should be focusing more on reqs, but I had to take this off my mind skskksskks (btw I'm rn in the underground belobog part of story) (I kinda called it SAHSR as in self aware hsr)

☆•°Self-Aware Honkai Star Rail°•☆

Tw: no proofread, mentioned drowning(but it didn't happen), war, hate, religious themes, self awareness, kinda ooc, grammar mistakes because I am typing this at 12AM instead of sleeping, isolation

So, you know how in the beginning we play as Kafka? Yeah, I'm pretty sure she felt your presence. At first she was kinda weirded out, and was on guard. Who knows what you would do to her, while controlling her?

Oh look, you're helping her.. Hmm, maybe you aren't that bad after all. Still on guard, but thankful. With you she seems to fight more faster and is more efficient.

Same goes with Silver Wolf. They don't seem to mind your presence that much.

You even helped them to pick a trailblazer! But after picking them, you left Kafka and Silver Wolf. They didn't really mind it. They have been doing good without you, so it should be fine!

Meanwhile, the trailblazer is confused. First, they don't remember anything except their own name(or the name you gave them), then Kafka leaves and someone is watching over them. Oh how confusing and strange. But they caught early on that you're helping them. You're not an enemy.

During their "adventures" trailblazer starts thinking of you as a family. Kinda annoying since you control their body most the time (unless it's a cutscene) but you're cool nonetheless. They see you as a safespace.

Meanwhile March 7th and Dan Heng don't understand what is happening. Who is controlling them? Why after they met trailblazer? Why are you controlling them?

I think March would, just like the trailblazer, like you and find you annoying at the same time. Dan Heng would stay on guard (but also see you as safe space/nice person to hang with). Not as much on guard as when you first...met but still. It'll take him time to get off guard. The more time you spend with them, the more familiar they are with you, the more they like you.

Why annoyed, you may ask? Well, imagine you want to.. for example fight, but someone controls your movement and does it instead of you. Or goes the other way (aka exploring) instead of the path you've originally chosen.

They certainly would like when you make them stronger. No matter who is on your team, they'll like it (I mean, who wouldn't?)

But.. sometimes, even if they like you, they get tired of always being on the team. Thank you, yes, but they need to rest too. They mostly rest when you're offline, since..time kinda stops there. But when you're online? damnnn they walk and fight so much.. (I fr walk everywhere to find enemies to fight, so uhh, if you're like me, they would be tired and maybe annoyed at it)

I think some characters would even hate you. It doesn't apply to the main trio btw, they'll always like you. The reason some may hate you is that they have so much stuff to do, yet you choose them to walk around and fight all day. They're even supposed to be here! (For example, using Herta when fighting someone in Belobog)

If they could, they would scold you. But sadly game doesn't allow that.

It only appears in normal, self aware circumstances. Aka a normal self aware. Some like you, some hate you. You just kinda exist. (That one strange friend/sibling, y'know?)

But what if they would see you as a God? Something divine? Like in SAGAU?

Well, you're doomed, what can I say?

Everyone would want to be in your team. Oh, poor Gacha system.

They would hate it tbh. While in just self aware some would avoid you on purpose (aka busy characters), here? Where everyone sees you as a divine being? Oh dear..

Imagine several people trying to come through a single door, all at the same time? Yeahhh that's what happens. The standard and limited banner would literally fist fight while trying to get "home" to you. So don't be surprised if nobody comes home, at all.

But some may cooperate, and you may get more 5☆ or 4☆! Basically characters you wanted.

Those on your team would be proud! Mostly if the main trio are still there. Some would be envious of trailblazer. You're always with them, even if they're not on your team.(how could you?!)

Kafka and Silverwofl would be devastated. I'm pretty sure Silverwolf could possibly destroy the gacha system and come home. Only her (and maybe Kafka)

People in Belobog would hate the lore and everything game makes them do what they do. They're so happy they met you! You're here to save them! They don't want to fight you, so please don't be mad at them.

Honestly, if you were to get isekai'ed into hsr, I would recommend to the normal au.

The ones who hate you would just tell you off and never interact again, while your family/friends would hang out with you. Plus you could help a lot in Astral Express!

Maybe get Himeko and Mr.Yang some tea? Or help Pom Pom with whatever he needs?

If you get into the Worshipping Lunatics au..? I feel sorry for you.. You would never rest-

Whether you choose to stay at Astrak Express, or Herta's *I forgot the name* or whatever, they are all ready to wage war against each other. And if you decided to stay somewhere, that means you clearly favor them and their place more! Those who were chosen are happy/smug. While other try to improve their place/copy the place you've chosen to make you reconsider and stay with them.

The amount of gifts.. try to not drown okay?

They might even all agree to keep you in one place. Lock you in there and hope you won't be mad at them.

That's all for now

(Gotta work on reqs now or in the morning, they're still open btw)

[dangerousduckcloud]

Flowerbeds make up for a nice eternal rest

Read it also on AO3

“Couldn’t sleep.” You replied, putting the well-loved copy of the book back in the shelf. “What about you?” “Yeah, same.” He sat down on the couch, legs spread and elbows resting on his knees. “Hard to do so when you learn your whole life is a lie… Just ink on paper.”

I've been updating daily, however I've noticed the quality is not quite good sometimes (today, for example), so I'll be taking longer to update, maybe once a week/2 weeks or so, I'm sorry for this, but I wish to write something of good quality

Chapter 6 < > Chapter 8

taglist: @kurai-hono-blog

Fingers ghosting over the spines of the books, you're surprised to see so many titles familiar to you, from Lord of the Rings, Jurassic Park, all the way to Jane Austen books, some of them more worn than the others, a small smile creeping up your face at the thought of knowing just who read these books so many times.

A new question —added to the many that’ve appeared since you accepted you’re in some other reality— popped on your mind, if so many things in their world are similar to yours; people, social functions, historical events, what was so different that led yours not having superheroes and vigilantes? There’s no Gotham, no Metropolis, no Star City, nothing.

Did this mean they simply do not exist, or they just didn’t want to make themselves known? Here, everything started with Superman. If he existed in your reality, what made him not want to help people? Had he been captured by the government instead of the Kents? Had his ship landed someplace else? Are there other planets out there?

So many questions, so many possibilities, not a single answer.

The book authors are the same as your world; Tolkien, Crichton, Austen… Not just a coincidence in people here writing books with the same title, so it begs the question of a point you mentioned last night.

Does this mean there's another version of yourself in this world? Is there a different version of them in yours?

“You alright?”

It didn’t matter how many times you would hear that voice, it will always send shivers down your body, making your heart skip a beat. Turning around towards the voice, the early morning light deluged him in a pink-golden light, water droplets falling to the floor, he was only dressed in black pants and a tight black shirt that didn’t seem comfortable, his muscly arms threatening to rip it apart.

His unnaturally vibrant green eyes were more focused on the book you were holding —Little Women— rather than your face.

“Couldn’t sleep.” You replied, putting the well-loved copy of the book back in the shelf. “What about you?”

“Yeah, same.” He sat down on the couch, legs spread and elbows resting on his knees. “Hard to do so when you learn your whole life is a lie… Just ink on paper.”

“I don’t think it is.” With long strides, you sat down next to him, an ample space left between you two. “The fact that you’re here with me discussing about this mess should mean that you’re more than just a puppet created to entertain. You’re a human being, with feelings, thoughts, ideas… Who knows, maybe someone from your world came to mine and wrote your life story.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, of course. If you were simply the mere product of a writer, how could I be here, when I’m not?” This whole time he’d been looking at the floor, lost in his mind, finally turning to look you in the eyes. “I’m as lost in this as you are, but the one thing I’m certain, is that you’re real, Jason. As real as the moon and the stars.”

It was immensely evident something continued plaguing his mind, his eyebrows drawn and eyes unfocused, you knew how lost he must feel like, having felt the same just the night before, but whatever conclusion he came to, his face searched yours once again, a tired, tight smile on his face.

----

Breakfast had been a chaotic affair, having to explain to the rest of the family present in the house what endured after you woke up in the cave, Tim and Cass having long gone to sleep after they were sure you were safe.

“So, we’re not real?”

“You are, just not in my world. At least not like this.” Your meal had long gotten cold, being bombarded with questions that left you no time to take a bite. “There are no vigilantes there. Also, I’m sorry, Tim.”

“What for?”

“I thought you were delusional.”

Everyone in the table laughed, with Tim throwing you a harmless glower, even Alfred coughing to hide his smile.

“This is intriguing.”

You nodded at Cass’ response, at last grabbing your fork to eat your cold scrambled eggs, attempting not to make faces at the taste.

“So…” Tim spoke once again after refiling his cup of coffee for the third time. “Everything that we’ve suffered, is all just because someone wrote it?”

All eyes were laid on you, your face pale and mouth dry suddenly.

You couldn’t say no, because you still didn’t know how this worked, and you didn’t think you’ll ever find out, was your world shaping theirs, or was it theirs shaping the stories you were shown?

But you also didn’t want to say yes, because that would mean…

Unconsciously, your eyes wandered over to Jason, eyes locking for a second, his neutral demeanor changing into a raised eyebrow.

“Why did I die?”

“I… I don’t know.”

Cass raised a brow as well, her words clipped. “You’re lying.”

It was way better when you still thought they were just crazy, with no interrogations to interrupt your breakfast.

“There… There was a poll.” Avoiding everyone’s faces, you spoke to the table, voice as small as possible, however, with them being the detectives they were, they still could make out your words, if the gasps were any indication.

“A poll?” Jason reiterated, outraged. When you looked up, green eyes filled with hate was the only thing you could focus on. “A poll to decide my fate? A fucking poll?”

“I—Jason, they—”

“They what? Why would they do something like this!?” His eyes were glowing, hands closing into fists. “I was fifteen! Why would you do this? Who the fuck would think of killing a teenager!?”

“Wh—Me!?” You stood up, chair dragging behind you. “Jason, I wasn’t even born when that happened! And—and from what I read; they didn’t even think they’d do it.”

“Oh, and that’s supposed to make me feel better?”

Tears were prickling your eyes, mouth left hanging open. He had every right to be angry, everyone would, however the hate directed to you was unwarranted. The rest of them were looking at you, faces unreadable, except Dick’s, his eyes red, but whether it was for the current situation or remembering Jason’s murder, you didn’t know, maybe it was both.

It was clear none would come to your rescue, too disgruntled and sorrowful on Jason’s behalf.

“What do you mean you weren’t even born?” Tim asked, his investigative soul winning against his feelings. Or maybe this was his way to deal with the pain. “You’re Jason’s age, you were fourteen.”

Sniffing, you cleared your tears with the sleeves of your shirt. “I don’t know how time works here. That happened in the… The eighties, I think. I was born in the 2000’s.”

“This doesn’t make any sense.” He mumbled. “The years…” And without another word, he left the kitchen, quickly followed by Jason, although taking another path.

“Jason, wait.”

But your words fell on deaf ears. You hadn’t known Jason for a day, and he already hated you.

“I’m sorry.” Apologizing for everything you’d done and everything you didn’t, you walked out the kitchen as well, not a clear destination in mind.

[britswriting]

Quadrupled | Quadruple The Love H.S

Quadruple the love masterlist

read on wattpad

Unedited  - I'm tired 

"I'm bigger than the house we first bought together" I huffed, Harry helping me get into the hospital.

Today we were meeting our babies and I was scared out of my mind.

Normal pregnancies have forty weeks to worry. Forty weeks to figure out names, nursery, how you want to parent, what diapers you want you use, are you breast feeding or bottle feeding, cloth diapers or disposable diapers, co-sleeping, or strict crib rules.

I lost ten weeks of worrying.

Ten precious weeks that might've given me more answers than I knew now.

Not only have I been "in hiding" for months, keeping out of the limelight with my big ole belly — Harry and I agreeing for the safety of me and the kids; it was best for me to keep close with our families. We didn't want to tell the world that we're having quadruplets until they were already born, home and safe. 

The good lord knows that last thing we want to do is explain about some sort of horrific event we had to go through when we only announce we have one, or two, or three. 

I'm terrified.

"You look so beautiful, love" Harry smiled over at me; a nurse waiting at the door with a wheelchair. "We're about to be parents" 

"To four babies. We're doomed, Styles" I sighed, wishing I could focus more on the highs than the lows, but I couldn't help it.

Four babies is a lot. Even with help.

"Y/N Styles?" The nurse asked, my head nodding. "Take a seat, I'm sure your feet are killing you" She smiled, and I nodded, agreeing.

I carefully sat down and we were brought to the front desk for paperwork before being brought to our pre-op room.

"How does it feel to know this is the last time they're going to be inside of you?" Harry questioned, grabbing the hospital gown to help me change into.

"Strange" I answered honestly, my voice soft as I started to strip. I was covered in red stretch marks on my stomach, my back, my hips, my thighs, even my ass and boobs. These babies took a toll on my body in more ways than just physically. "I'm looking forward to the relief on my boobs and back" 

"I can't wait to meet them all" He sighed, a cute smile dancing on his lips.

I couldn't help but smile back up at him, "I know, me too. It's crazy to think what all can happen in just 30 weeks. They're going to be so tiny. You think they'll be okay, right? I mean, they're supposed to be in there for ten more weeks" I began to panic a little; something Harry was all too familiar with through this pregnancy.

"The Styles name lives on" He grinned, doing a little shimmy with his body, my eyes rolling as I giggled, turning around so he could tie the back.  "You ass look cute" he squeezed, my head shaking as I smiled.

We haven't had sex in months. I've given him more handjobs in the past few months then I did our entire dating relationship. I've been too tired, sore, or just downright uninterested. My sex drive has diminished completely.

Thankfully he still finds me attractive enough to get hard; I don't think I could mentally survive if I was trying to get him off and he simply couldn't do it. 

Your body changes a lot when you're pregnant, I knew that going in. However, I wasn't prepared for all the changes that would couple with having quadruplets. The size alone of my stomach was enough to make me already start planning a tummy tuck and an extra skin removal just to feel better about myself in the shower, or the mirror.

I knew I wasn't going to be skinny after having kids, and I was okay with that. I was prepared for that, yet the idea of so much extra skin once my stomach started losing it's after birth bump... mentally, I was dreading.

I'd be lying if I said it had nothing to do with being married to the Harry Styles.

It wasn't all of it, but it was a lot of it. 

I couldn't help but think about the pap pics, or the interviews, or the social media posts. People were mean even if you were the most beautiful person on the planet. Now I've got four babies and a thrown our figure. 

Harry and I had planned to do interviews after we announced their birth and that alone kept me up at night. How many pairs of spanks do I need to buy? Do I wear black? It hides you best.

"Alright love, look at you" Harry smiled, telling me to do a spin for him; chuckling when I carefully toddled on my feet in a circle. "Stunning! The most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I love you so much, gorgeous. The babies have the prettiest, sweetest, most caring mumma ever" Harry wrapped his arms around me as best as he could, ending in me huffing, trying to push him away before he hugged me from the side, kissing me.  "We'll always make it work" He mumbled against my lips, kissing me again.

A knock at the door pulled us away, a few nurses coming in with charts, an IV and a blood bag.

Great.

With a urine sample off to the lab, I was settled in the hospital bed before they started my blood draw and IV drip, going over a few chart questions until the anesthesiologist and obgyn surgeon came in with consent forms.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, already dressed in scrubs.

"Nervous" I admitted, my leg uncontrollably shaking.

"Well, although it is my first time getting out four babies, it isn't not my first c-section, or my first time with multiples. My team and I are as prepared as we can be; all hands on deck, I promise" She smiled and I just nodded, wishing her reassurance eased me more than it actually did.

Getting shaved by someone other than yourself was an awkward experience I thoroughly wished to forget by the time I looked back at this moment ten years time. 

"Look babe, our babies are going to be in these" he pointed at the hospital bassinets, a smile on my lips as I watched him fawn over  it, "We're going to need three more" he chuckled, looking around at all of the baby things. "What's this?" he pointed at a station with a lamp above it.

"I think it's too keep the babies warm, I don't know for sure though" I hummed, eyeing the clock, awaiting for our surgical time.

Twenty minutes passed, Harry gloating about how he got to pee, instantly regretting it when he saw my face before we got rolled into the operating room.

Harry was held back to put on scrubs and do his antibacterial scrub whilst I got monitors placed on me, a catheter inserted, yay me, and my stomach cleaned before Harry showed up at my side, a grin on his face, "Here we go baby" he said, looking adorable as I stared up at him; the room crowded in all sorts of different people; four different baby stations set up, ready to start clearing their airways, cleaning them off and keeping them warm.

"Please let everything go away" I softly prayed, my eyes falling shut as the nerves begun to take over.

Please let my four babies all be okay. All be perfect, and healthy. 

Please let them all have good breathing, and hearts, and movements. 

Please keep my babies safe.

"We're going to be okay, Y/N. We've got the best medical staff. All these people are here, ready to help" He eased and I nodded, calling out, "None of you better post this on TikTok", knowing we had everyone sign legal forms even worse than just patient confidentiality 

Chuckles were heard around the room, I just hoped they knew I was serious.

I don't want my birth story our there before I get to tell it. 

With the drape up and the anesthesia administrated, the surgery begun.

I stared at the hospital ceiling, my heart knowingly racing — I could hear the nurses talking about it; Harry's hand finding mine as he crouched down next to me, his mouth brushing against my ear.

"Hi baby" He murmured, "You're doing so well. You're the strongest woman I've ever met, and I'm so thankful to call you mine. I'm so grateful you're our babies mother. That you're the person I get to do this with. You're going to be the best mum ever. The babies are going to love you so much. I just know it. I love you so much, you're doing so so so good. It's going so well, hear them? Hear them talk about how well it's going? We're going to meet our babies, Y/N. They're going to be the most perfect little humans we've ever seen. Our families are going to be enthralled with them. My mom's already on her way" he chuckled, kissing my cheek, my brain focusing on his voice, and let of the talk around me. "Little did we know when we first met, that you'd be in an operating room waiting to meet four of our children at once. Can you imagine telling our younger selves that? When the doctor said you couldn't have kids, that you'd be meeting four of your flesh and blood in just a few minutes? Just one easy peasy lemon squeezy producer later? I hope they have your beautiful smile, and colorful personality. I can't wait to watch you mother the hell out of them" he laughs softly, his thumb stroking my knuckles, "Watch them grow up with us. their first breath, their first bath, their first night home, their first laugh. Their first food and first time crawling or walking. Our entire life is starting all over again once we leave this hospital, baby; and I'm so lucky I get to do it all with you" 

"First baby's out!" I heard, my breath hitching, Harry's smile brightening as a sob escaped my lips.

"We're parents, Y/N. It's official" He kissed me, my chest shaking as I cried with pride, joy and fear.

"It's a boy! Time, 7:16pm" We heard, followed by a rush of people talking, movement heard; Harry and I holding our breath's until we heard the cry, a collective sigh of relief was heard around the room.

"I love you so much" Harry confessed, my brain too fried to reply as it was panicking with fear and excitement.

We're parents.

We have a baby.

Harry and I have a son.

A soft voice was heard behind Harry, Harry straightening up, our son coming into view.

"Oh my god" I exhaled, Harry being handed the baby, his eyes glistening under the bright white lights before they fell down his cheeks as he stared down at him, carefully holding our son to show me. 

"Look at his cheeks" Harry exhaled, both of our breaths taken away by the sight of our son.

"Second baby's out! It's a boy! Time 7:21pm" Was heard again, my body on the ultimate adrenaline high.

"He looks just like your newborn baby photos, your mom is going to be thrilled" I cried, smiling at my sun, wishing I could hold him; but he was taken away right when we heard the second cry.

Another breath of relief was heard, the team of doctors and nurses doing their tasks before the second baby was brought over, followed by a third  "Baby's out! It's a boy! Time, 7:24pm"

Everything was happening so quickly, I felt like I couldn't fully process the fact that three of my babies are now in the world.

I have triplets.

"You're a dad" I stated, it finally hitting that our dreams were coming true as Harry held our second son, his tiny little body not processing yet.

They were so small.

Three high pitched screams were heard around the room, my eyes falling shut as the noises flooded my brain, each wail, beep, and murmur being etched into my memories. 

"They're cleaning up the babies and getting them under heat lamps" Harry informed me, apparently he could see around us; whereas I'm stuck seeing the ceiling. "One has a getting checked with a stethoscope" 

"Please let them all be okay" I repeated quietly, awaiting the arrival of our baby girl.

"I'm so proud of you Y/N" Harry repeated, his hand brushing away my tears, "You're incredible, love"

The longer it took to hear the arrival of my daughter, the more concerned I got. 

I hated this. Lying here. Helpless. Just waiting. I can't do anything. I'm numbed, trapped on this table.

I can't reposition, I can't push, I can't pull.

I just have to lay here and wait; it was agonizing.

"Baby girl is out, time 7:32pm" 

I held my brain waiting for her cry, my hands shaky, Harry grabbing my left hand and squeezing.

With the quiet cry being drowned out over the boys wails, I felt uneasy.

"Why is she so quiet?" I asked, wanting to scoop them all up and protect them from anything that could be causing them torment.

"The boys could be louder?" Harry said, worry evident in his tone.

Upon further exam, we were informed that she was having difficulty breathing and would be given oxygen, supposedly from being crushed by her brothers.

My heart cracked at the idea of her being squished so much that she was struggling to breath.

Harry didn't even get to hold her before they were all whisked away to the NICU and my stitched up stomach was eventually rolled to the post op room.

I was so tired, my body shaking, but all I wanted was my kids.

I didn't get to have them laid on my chest, or to see them the very second they were born. As silly as it sounds, I felt robbed.

I didn't get to have the dream labor and delivery; and I know it sounds silly and life is unpredictable; but there was no skin to skin. No cut the umbilical cord. No immediate bonding.

Everything was extremely different than I dreamed of. It was to be expected due to having quadruplets, but that didn't change the fact that it felt disappointing.

I wanted the best for them, and they're already hooked up to god knows what sitting alone in a room without me. 

I'm already useless to them.

I sat in the recovery room alone, shaky, tired and sobbing as Harry left to go see the babies in the NICU; my body still numb as I just laid there, tears strolling down my face.

Harry and I were parents, which was a dream come true within itself, and I was incredibly thankful to have my four kids, but laying here, alone.. it just felt dehumanizing.

I was their mother. I was supposed to care, and protect them, to love them. Yet I'm stuck here, alone, just waiting for whenever I'm allowed to see them.

My boobs hurt, aching to feed my babies, and I already knew they'd be on formula due to their being four of them.

I hated feeling defeated.

Like I was already failing and they were just born.

Harry gets to parade around the hospital seeing his children whilst I just lay here, alone, without them.

All I got was a glimpse of my sons before all four were taken away and I was abandoned in this room.

My eyes burned from crying and tiredness, the exhaustion eventually taking over and my body lulling into a sleep.

I woke up to Harry sitting next to me in fresh clothes, cheeks red as he stared down at his phone, his thumb scrolling from right to left.

I just stared for a moment, his head lifting, our eyes meeting.

He looked tired.

"Hi" I whispered, my body still feeling like dried cement.

"Hi" He replied just as softly, shifting closer on his chair, taking my hand and kissing my knuckles.

"How are they?" I questioned, chewing my lower lip as my body ached.

"They're small. I have pictures; I just.. want to warn you, they're um.. they're.."

"They're what, Harry?" I rushed, ready to hop out of this bed no matter how much it hurt, to go find my children.

"They're hooked up to all kinds of stuff. They're so tiny, Y/N. They've got monitors.. and breathing tubes..; their diapers barely fit" He was starting to get choked up as he looked away, swallowing the lump in his throat before sniffling.

"They were born ten weeks early, Harry" I quietly reminded him, knowing I was brave enough to do all kinds of research of what to expect, but Harry wasn't.

He wanted to live in naive land, and just be excepted about their birth.

Harry showed me all the photos and videos he took; Harry's finger bigger than their palm.

Each photo you could see his anchor tattoo, and I swear his hand was bigger than their body.

I broke my heart to see my babies suffering, both of us sat here crying over pictures and videos when asked when I could see them, Harry telling me we had to wait for a nurse to bring me in a wheelchair.

I just wanted to hold them, but I knew from my researching I needed to be prepared for that not to happen.

All I could do was hope that one day all of this hurt, and pain, and worry, would just be a blimp of a memory as I watched them all laugh and play together; snuggling each one into their cozy beds and sending them off to school the next morning.

I knew to take one day a time, one hour even; but if I didn't think about the future, and just stayed in the present, I'd go crazy.

I had to cling onto hope. It was the only way I'd survive however long they were in the NICU for.

* * * * 

Their birth - part one :)

Next parts and Harry + Y/N in the NICU + bringing them home, meeting family etc and then announcing them to the world! 

I'm ngl, I still don't have names.. so we gotta figure that out too lol.

Written on: October 9th and 10th 2023

Published on: October 10th 2023

Word Count: 2997

tags: @ashleighsss @theekyliepage

[tossawary]

I've only seen 3 episodes of the new "Percy Jackson" show so far and my main complaint with the first two episodes was pacing. I thought the pacing in the third episode was much improved and overall very good, but a lot about the first two episodes felt rushed to me.

I think episodes 1 and 2 both could have been two episodes each to slowly introduce us to Percy, Grover, Sally, Mr. Brunner, Mrs. Dodds and the Minotaur, and then to the Camp, to Annabeth, Luke, Clarisse, the satyrs and the different cabins, etc.. I mean, I think what was there was pretty solid! I like the actors! I don't think it's badly written (I think making Luke show Percy around the camp was a good choice to make later things hit harder, since we will have more time with Annabeth on the quest itself later), but I would have liked more breathing room scenes, like when Percy burned the blue jellybeans, for things to settle in, and I blame the studio for not giving this show a longer season to work with.

As it stands now, the first two episodes felt more intended for existing fans, rather than for onboarding new fans. I feel like a frog being thrown into boiling water instead of the water coming up to a boil around me. If you're not familiar with this religion & lore already, if you don't know who the Twelve Olympians are, the introduction to the Camp doesn't give you much of a foothold, which is quite unfortunate when PJO was many people's introduction to this stuff.

The blue food is not really explained. The tension of the mystery with Mrs. Dodds kind of gets thrown out because it all happens so fast. There's no time to slowly build a feeling of normalcy and then wrongness. Percy's relationship with Chiron is undermined by how little time they get together. Percy finding out who his father is happens SO QUICKLY that we don't have a proper understanding of what's wrong about his claiming when it happens. The camp looks cool and I want to see more of it! How it functions is barely explained! We barely get to meet anyone! It feels like Percy is there for less than 48 hours before he's leaving on a quest again, so there's very little time to build up his attachment to it. I have less emotional investment in Percy's conflict with Clarisse because we barely get to understand what daily life at Camp Half-blood might be like (although I understand putting less focus on Clarisse now knowing that you'll be able to play catch-up during future storylines).

I think the show is making pretty good choices with the time that they have, I just wish they had MORE time. I don't think that they have to include every little detail and scene and character from the books. I like a lot of the changes they've made just fine. I just feel like the writing and acting is being undermined by the fact that there's very little time to set things up so that you can knock them down, and that it takes more time to show something visually than it does to read a sentence. Everything in episodes 1 and 2 is moving so quickly that some of the magical aspects feel... less magical to me because there's less time to develop contrast. And the show doesn't have as much time to potentially develop cool NEW things, to slide in more new funny character interactions, because it's all so smushed down. I want more time to see these actors shine together.

(Although, admittedly, it is VERY funny to feel like Percy is stuck in some sort of speedrun version of the story. Every day is a new rollercoaster of Percy not knowing what the fuck is going on and going with it because he's not given the time to ask questions. Sure! This might as well happen next! His life sucks already. That part feels very true to the books, although I think the feeling could still be preserved if the show was given more time.)

I'm tired of 8 episode seasons. I don't know if I think that PJO needs a full 20+ episodes to tell the story of the first book, probably not, but being constrained to only 8 instead of at least 10-16 feels disappointing.

[666writingcafe]

A Trip To The Past

Upon grabbing Not-Solomon's hand, my vision goes momentarily black, but then I find myself in a brightly lit meadow with lots of colorful flora. This has to be somewhere in the Celestial Realm; everything's overly saturated.

The last time I was in the past, I was with Barbatos, observing the memory of Lilith's death. We had to hide in the shadows to make sure we weren't spotted, or we'd permanently alter the memory.

You don't have to do that this time.

Great. Not-Solomon's in my head. I am tired of people walking in and out of it like it's their own place, because it's not.

Reach up towards the top of your head.

Confused, I do as he instructs, and something burns my hand.

Except when I pull it back to see how much damage I've done to it, there's no mark. Which means I've assumed the form of something that's resistant to this kind of bodily damage. And given that I'm in the Celestial Realm...

"Why, hello there." A voice pierces through my thoughts, forcing me to focus on the person standing before me. A rather familiar looking person.

"I don't think I've ever seen you around before," Asmo continues. "What's your name?"

You can use your real name.

"MC," I answer. Asmo smiles.

"That's a good name. It suits you. I'm Asmodeus, but you probably already knew that. Everyone here does." He pauses. "You don't work for Raphael, do you?" I shake my head.

"I just arrived here," I tell him. "I got separated from my group, and I have no idea how to find my way back."

Good. New angels go through an orientation-like process.

I had no idea that was a thing. I just figured I'd play up the sad, pathetic, and clueless schtick. It's worked to my advantage before.

"Great!" Asmo quickly adds,

"Not the bit about you being lost. That sucks. I'm just glad that you don't work for Raphael."

"Why?"

"Well, you see, I went to something called a party in the human world the other day. I'd never been to one before, and I wanted to see what it was all about. It was a costume party, and so I simply pretended I was a human dressing up as an angel. That way I didn't have to hide my wings."

"What did you think of the party?" Asmo's face lights up.

"It was so much fun!" Just as quickly, his expression sours. "But Raphael says it's a wicked and immoral thing to do."

"He's not entirely wrong. People tend to overindulge at parties." Asmo sighs.

"I suppose you're right. A lot was happening at that party, things that are considered taboo here." He pauses again. "Raphael found out about my little adventure and has called me in to see him, but I hate getting lectured, especially over something that's not that big of a deal. I should be able to have fun every once in a while."

Interesting. I wonder if this party served as the catalyst for Asmo to eventually become the Avatar of Lust. If he disagreed with Raphael about something small like the nature of parties at this point in the past, did he begin questioning more serious things further down the line?

"What're you doing here?" The sudden appearance of another person causes Asmo to scream, which in turn causes me to jump.

"Beel, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" he shrieks. "Don't scare me like that!"

"I don't think I was being particularly scary," Beel replies, looking slightly confused and sad. Once Asmo composes himself, he asks Beel to open up the Celestial Realm gates, and Beel simply answers,

"No." Asmo protests, but Beel's attention is no longer on him, but rather on me.

"Who's this?" he asks. Before I can even open my mouth, Asmo chirps,

"Oh, this adorable thing? That's MC. MC, this is Beelzebub, one of the cherubim. You probably know this already, since Beel's quite famous, but he guards the gates at the Celestial Realm."

"I remember my group leader mentioning him a couple times," I respond.

"Group leader?" Beel appears to grow concerned. "Did you get lost, MC?" I nod my head. "Are you okay? Asmo hasn't tried anything on you, has he? He likes to hit on anything that moves."

"I'm okay--"

"Beel, what an awful thing to say!" Asmo interrupts. "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't go around accusing me of randomly hitting on everyone I see. It's not as if I'm happy to be intimate with just anyone, okay?! I care about who they are. I just happen to feel love towards everyone I meet, that's all." Beel doesn't seem convinced.

"You look like you're hungry," he remarks to me. "I have a few sweets Michael gave me earlier if you'd like something to eat."

"I'm okay, but thank you. Besides, if they're a gift, you should keep them for yourself." Beel sighs.

"I wish I could, but I'm trying to lay off the sweets. I've been eating too much recently, and I feel like I've gained weight as a result."

First Asmo, now Beel. Did something specific trigger Beel to start eating more than he ought to, or was it more gradual? More importantly, do these actions mean that they were somehow destined to become the Avatars of Sin, even if no one realized it at the time they occurred?

Signs. Of course. That's why Not-Solomon transported me to this particular period of time: to observe the early signs of their eventual fall. But why?

And then everything hits me at once.

If you were to spend any real time here–and not just in the areas prepared for visitors–you’ll find that it’s a rather dark place.

You're the one person I can trust fully.

I desperately want to hold your hand.

I need you, MC.

It's Simeon, isn't it? He's at the crossroads Not-Solomon was referring to. That would explain why he seemed so worn out at the cafe earlier; his mind has allowed him very little rest, and why would it? This is a potentially life-altering decision for him. Does he remain an angel, or does he fall and become something else?

The brothers made their decision a long time ago, but I have a feeling it won't be as easy for Simeon. They at least had each other. Simeon has Luke to think about, because I doubt he's going to take the young angel with him. I know that he wants Luke to maintain his innocence for as long as possible, and falling would expose him to some rather dark truths.

Which means the only way Simeon can actively protect him is to remain in the Celestial Realm. But is he willing to pay the price for it? Luke's purity, or his own happiness?

And how am I supposed to help Simeon decide which path to take?

[nyaagolor]

Very silly chart about the sv characters and weed

Protagonist: your mileage may vary but mine only befriended Koraidon because she was high as shit and thought it was a really big wingull

Nemona: She took those anti-drug PSAs to heart. Not only does she think marijuana will kill you and has never smoked before, but if she saw someone else smoking she would put out their joint and give them a stern lecture. She's still student council president at the end of the day and she will NOT tolerate la hierba diabla

Penny: Being a stoner transfemme catgirl furry is basically a prerequisite to being a cybersecurity expert at this point. This woman has DEFINITELY played Minecraft while high out of her mind

Arven: He is completely unfamiliar with weed outside this one weird brownie recipe he saw online once, but good lord he needs some. Get this man an edible immediately he needs a nap and a release from the cruelty of existence

Sada and Turo: Got the idea for the time machine while high, this is a hill I will die on

Jacq: He has enough cortisol in his bloodstream at this very moment to kill a small mammal, I think he needs something to chill him out. He's so air-headed that it probably won't affect his outward behaviors anyway

Miriam: Medical marijuana was getting popular so she got curious and tried it, telling absolutely no one. She hated the cotton-mouth feeling, so she hasn't touched it since, and says she's never tried it when people ask

Dendra: She's an athlete and they drug-test so she couldn't try it even if she wanted to (and trust me, she wants to)

Saguaro: He was never interested in it because it smells bad >n<. Try as he might to hide it, he's a bit sensitive and didn't want to be around something so stinky

Salvatore: He was in the poke-netherlands once on a study abroad trip and rolled the worst blunt of all time. He was so thoroughly humiliated that he didn't even end up smoking and was asked to leave. The memory still haunts him. He doesn't like to talk about it

Tyme: Smoked a few times when she was a teenager and hanging out with Ryme-- ironically in their youth, it was Tyme who was the rebel! She hasn't done it in a few decades though, it's not really her thing anymore

Raifort: She'll try anything once, but didn't like the feeling of being so sluggish and tired so she didn't do it again

Clavell: You know that video with Clavell as Dwight? "Clavell finding marijuana is more dangerous than most people smoking it"? Exactly that

Katy: Smells too bad for her to even think about trying it. Also she's petty and too many people asked her if she can bake weed brownies, so she avoids it on principle now

Brassius: He's a grass gym leader, what do you think. Also I hc he has a chronic illness so he takes it medically to help with the pain. His studio smells downright rancid

Iono: Got high on a since deleted stream. She ended up staring directly into the camera for like three hours and falling asleep drooling, which was so embarrassing that she erased all records of the stream from existence and swore never to touch it again

Kofu: This is a man who looks like he would make MEAN cannabutter. He just has the vibes

Ryme: Smokes sometimes at parties and other social events, but not all that frequently. Grandma's still got it, plus it helps calm her down before a seance

Tulip: Tried it once after being offered it at an afterparty, but didn't like how it made her feel. She likes to be at the top of her game At All Times and this was not the way to do it

Grusha: Takes it medically for his chronic pain, but that's about it. Wouldn't use it otherwise

Rika: Just look at her.

Larry: Tried it one (1) time and didn't like it. Prefers regular cigarettes

Poppy: She's four.

Hassel: He ran away from home to be a musician he definitely had a stoner phase. Also he's besties / husbands with Brassius, so he's more than familiar with weed. I think because he's a schoolteacher and works with kids he doesn't do it much anymore though

Geeta: I'm honestly not sure how she fits into this, only that she's on the Nightmare Blunt Rotation of every Paldean

Giacomo: He can pretend all he likes but he's still a student council president at heart, he is mortified by the very concept of smoking weed. Someone offered him a joint at a rave and he lectured them for a half hour on the importance of caring for your body. He may look like a stoner but do not be fooled

Mela: Acts tough but she's kinda scared of the prospect of smoking weed. Don't tell anyone though

Atticus: He heard about this ancient Johtoian technique of ninja relaxation and tried to hotbox his room once. This resulted in an academy-wide fire scare because he set off every smoke alarm in his hall. The director was less than thrilled about this. Rumor has it the smell from Atticus' homemade herb and weed blend still sticks to the walls

Ortega: His opinion on weed is irrelevant because no one in their right mind is going to deal weed to a 14 year old nepo-baby in a pastel pink suit

Eri: Actually shockingly responsible and healthy at the end of the day-- illicit substances aren't part of her workout routine. Will probably give you a look of disapproval if she sees you smoking, but ultimately that's your business

[zaimta]

T.M.I

zai says: i think imma release these every friday, when the other ones come out yall will be able to tell that this was the first one i did also i'm gon milk this arc till the day i die n y'all know this

[prev] [pause/play] [next]

you looked in the mirror in disgust, you hated what you saw, nothing but a broken person who couldn't even stay true to what they believed in. nothing more than a puppet being toyed with by the puppet master.

you and freed walked side by side to the church, he could tell you were feeling a slight amount of guilt but he had yet to figure out something that was bothering him “y/n. it’s clear that laxus will only listen to you at this point. but maybe he is beyond that point…however, i must ask why haven’t you told him to call this all off? it’s clear you don’t want much to do with this. so why y/n? why do you fight for something you don’t believe in?”

“because i-”

“damnit!” you shouted at the memory flooding your brain, you clutched your head looking down at your feet, and you then felt tears streaming down your cheek “why wasn’t i strong enough? i’m pathetic.”

back then you knew the answer to his question and you still do now, your guilt was eating you alive not allowing you to think clearly

your arms fell slack by your sides and you fell to your knees, tears still streaming down your cheeks

“maybe i’m just a fool freed.” he sent a smile your way his eyes screamed pity, just a pitiful glare for a shameful idiot and you hated every second of it.

“i should have done more back then, anything would have been better than this outcome. i was too weak to stop it, i was just a love-sick fool who was blinded by that fact. after all this time did he even love me back? was i following him blindly just for him to not even love me back?” despite all the fond memories you made your doubts triumph over everything you knew and what he told you.

shame flooded your mind, you felt embarrassed to feel this way, to wallow in your own shame and regret. these feelings were all too familiar to you and you hated every last second of it, every pitiful millisecond was nothing short of hell to you, he was long gone and out of your life but yet your doubts in your relationship still followed you.

“please…make it stop.” you mumbled weakly as if your pleas would be heard while your tears flowed like a river.

“because i loved him. no matter how many people i had to hurt i wanted to see him happy again.”

i hate myself i look in the mirror and start to cry stupid self sabotage every time t.m.i i think i'm the worst criticize everything 'til it hurts

you don’t know but you picked yourself and decided to go to the guild hopefully some time around your friends would do you some good, and there it was again the pitty glances, you smiled throughout them all but there was only so much you could take.

you went to an empty table to clear your thoughts and felt a hand on your shoulder, you tensed up bracing for those words “how are you holding up?” lucy spoke to you as if you were fragile and you could break at any second, or that’s what it felt like to you anyway. you snatched your shoulder away from her grip and sent her a glare “im fine. why does everyone treat me like i’m some fragile thing?”

bet you wish you never asked sorry if i made you sad at least you know now where i'm at

you dropped your shoulders suddenly aware of how tense you were, you groaned and ran a hand down your face “shit. i’m sorry lucy i’m just…tired.”

“y/n im sorry i didn’t mean to-” you cut the celestial mage off “no it’s not your fault you were just trying to check on me.” you felt something run down your cheeks, we’re you crying? after all this time an ‘are you okay’ was what it took to get to you. you excused yourself and headed into the bathroom, it was pathetic you felt like a failure crying in a public restroom. you were nothing more than a waste of space who couldn’t have anything go your way.

“it’s all my fault. maybe if i was more firm?? who am i kidding maybe if i said something anything he still would have been here.” you think to yourself causing your tears so flow like a river down your face.

you looked in the mirror and saw the weakest person you ever saw, and it took everything in you not to smash that mirror.

“y/n?” evergreen said while knocking on the bathroom door “im coming in okay?” she walked into the bathroom and noticed the tears on your cheeks and she wordlessly wiped them away and sighed “what am i going do with you n/n? we’ve got to get you a better coping mechanism” she chuckled quietly at her own joke, she pulled down her dress so it was at least covering her legs and sat on the floor, she patted the spot next to her with a gentle smile inviting you to sit. you wordlessly sat next to her with your knees pulled up to your chest.

“i know this is hard on you right now, but you can’t keep pushing us away we’re here for you…freed told me how you have been feeling.” you sighed deeply “so you know everything?” she shook her head “i only know freed’s assumptions, if you don’t want to talk about it that’s okay but you can’t keep letting your emotions eat you alive it’s not healthy for you y/n.”

the two of you sat there in silence for a while, you broke the silence with a small sigh and began opening up to evergreen about how you’ve been feeling “i feel like it’s all my fault ever…i feel like i could have done more maybe if i said something this whole thing wouldn't have happened or maybe he wouldn’t have been kick out of the guild” you pull your knees closer to your chest as you speak “i loved him ever, and now i might not even see him again.”

evergreen rested her hand on yours with a soft smile, you looked at her and her eyes didn’t scream pitty nor did they feel as if they were looking down at you and it was comforting “you don’t have to be guilty for anything y/n, we all made the choice to follow his plan…and he’s quite the ambitious man you know that, no matter what he would have seen his plan through till the end.”

you returned the smile “yea you’re right” the smile didn’t reach your eyes and she knew that, she knew you needed time how much time was all up to you however.

i hate myself i look in the mirror and start to cry super self sabotage every time t.m.i i think i'm the worst criticize everything 'til it hurts if you knew me better, you would like me worse t.m.i

[waddingham]

not to just leave my fic brain worms out in the open like this for god and all to see but if anyone wants 900 words that are a direct result of whatever the fuck THIS is.........come and get it

He loves a team bus. Win or lose – or draw – it's an exceptional feeling, almost tangible, to be a part of something right alongside two dozen other people. There's no mistaking the sense of being so fully in the same boat with everyone else, feeling the same things and supporting each other in the reach for success, however it may come, whatever it may manifest as.

Today it was a light-hearted feeling – they'd won, spirits are high, Beard even higher and, well…

Somehow they got Rebecca today, blessing them all with her presence, her humor, her sweet voice. It had circled them in the back of the noisy bus and he couldn't help but nod along as he made an attempt on Sharon's advice, writing out his thoughts, his feelings, all the while marveling at the clarity of Rebecca's voice even as she slouched into the seat.

It was a long trip – for her especially, he thinks wryly, so it's no wonder at all that she's long asleep by the time they roll up to the dark club.

He does wonder a little at her choice of pillow. Has been ever since she slid back into the corner next to him, legs out long and head tipped onto his shoulder.

"Let's see how good a pillow you make, Coach," she'd muttered and by God, if he didn't make himself the best damn pillow this side of the Atlantic.

He hadn't moved chatting with Beard, or fiddling with his phone, or going over his notes again. And when the bus started to dim bit by bit, Beard passing out and Greyhounds falling asleep, he'd just tipped his head back, breathing in whatever lovely floral scent follows her around and letting all the safety and comfort around him relax his tired body.

He's safe here. He's content here, in these moments in the dark bus with his team, with Rebecca at his side, listening to the intermittent rain tap the roof. And he relishes each one, each moment, knowing the next may be bereft of this peace.

Beard snaps up as soon as the brakes hiss, looking dazed only for a moment as the boys start to nudge each other awake. He takes him in, then Rebecca, a grin spreading over his face.

"Should I wait up?" he asks as he stands, still in that ridiculous wig.

Ted shakes his head, waving him off as the bus starts to empty, then looks down at the blonde head on his shoulder.

Something like two hours ago, she'd wiggled against him, threading her arm under his, her hand flat against his forearm. He smiles down at it now, her fingertips resting on the heel of his hand. He curls his fingers, brushing them over the familiar soft pink color on her nails and his smile grows, his chest warm.

"Rebecca," he murmurs, squeezing her fingers more firmly. "Boss."

"Mm?" she grunts without moving and he almost chuckles.

"Home sweet home," he says, nudging her gently with his elbow. She sighs, squeezing his arm to her but still not moving to go.

"Unless you plan on spending the night in this bus," he says. "And let me tell you, if you're sore from your little swim earlier, sleeping on this probably ain't gonna do much for it."

She tilts her head on his shoulder just enough to shoot him a dirty look.

"Don't be a dick," she mutters. "It wasn't fucking marked as a bike lane."

"Mmhmm, 'course it wasn't," he says indulgently.

Her look gets dirtier.

He just chuckles, squeezing her fingers. "How'd I do as a pillow? I'm accepting feedback."

"Four stars," she says, lifting her head from his shoulder but not moving to rise.

"Four?" he says with an exaggerated frown.

"You lose a star for being too good," she says, rolling her head on her shoulders. "I didn't mean to sleep for so long."

"Oh," he chuckles. "Well, I'll take that."

She sighs again, taking in the fact that they're the last on the bus before turning to him, tipping her head against the seat. She gives him a small smile, almost clandestine, eyes full of the same contentment he's been filling his reserves with.

Her voice is hushed when she speaks. "Were you just gonna let us get locked in here or…?"

He snorts a little bit. "We got at least two more minutes before the boys sort out their bags and Ricky always checks before he gets the bus to the garage."

"Mmm," she hums, looking down at their hands for a long moment. Her fingers curl experimentally against the tender skin inside his wrist, sending tingles up his arm before carefully releasing him to sit up. "Thanks for letting me sleep on you."

"Oh, anytime," he says, meaning it entirely even as he rolls his stiff shoulder in its socket. He stands, lifting his backpack from the floor and over his shoulder before stepping around the tiny table, holding a hand out to her.

She smiles up at him as she slides her hand into his.

"You know what, Coach Lasso," she says as she rises, twinkling just a little bit. "I just might take you up on it."

He gasps dramatically.

"After all the fight you put up about joining us on the bus–"

She rolls her eyes, still grinning as she pulls him down the aisle, "Come on."

"Oh, but riding on the bus was gonna be such a long trip, such a nuisance–"

"Shut it."

"You can't tell me you had fun–"

He giggles when she pulls up short before the step down, releasing his hand to point a finger at him.

"I hate the bus."

He grins at her. "You're a terrible liar."

She huffs, but it does little to counteract her smile as she steps off the bus.

He lingers for a moment, his fingers still warm from being tangled up with hers. He closes his fist, trying to hold onto it as he follows her back down to solid ground.

[lemoncrushh]

Cubicle // 18) Love in Store

STORY PAGE

Word Count: 3992

Wednesday // Roni

"So tell me more about this Caleb," said Alice as she joined me at the table in the break room.

The day before, Harry and I had taken Alice to lunch, inviting her to join us on Friday for drinks at Tom's Pub and to meet Caleb. After her face had flushed a deep pink, and she received encouraging words from Harry and me, she'd agreed to go.

"I don't really know anything more," I shrugged. "He's a friend of Harry's and I only met him once. But he seems like a proper lad."

"And Harry thinks he'll like me?"

"I think what?" I heard a familiar voice behind me ask. I turned to catch a glimpse of his dimpled smiled before he headed to the cabinet to grab a cup.

"That Caleb with like Alice," I grinned.

"Yes," Harry nodded. "I do."

"Does he drive?" asked Alice.

"What?" Harry chuckled as he joined us at the table. "Does he drive?"

Alice pursed her lips. "The last guy I went out with didn't have a car. I was always driving him around or we'd have to walk. That got old real fast."

Harry raised his brows as he lifted his cup to his mouth. "I assure you he has a car."

"Good," Alice sat back in her chair.

"Where were you?" I asked Harry. "Usually you're in here before I am."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Nina. Everything I worked on Monday and Tuesday hadn't met her expectations, so she's having me do the reports over."

"What? Are you kidding?"

Harry shook his head, swallowing. "'fraid not."

"Somebody needs to put a sedative in her tea," I sighed.

Alice giggled.

"I'm serious," I eyed her. "This is the second time she's told him he's done his reports wrong."

"Not the second time, babe," remarked Harry. "It's been this way since I started here."

I glared at him. "What is her problem?"

"Same as Gerard's," piped Alice. "They think they're better than everyone."

"Well, I get that she's Donald's secretary, but it doesn't give her the right to treat you like that."

"It's okay, love," Harry patted my hand on the table. "It's not worth getting angry about. But unfortunately, it means I'm gonna have to work through lunch."

I crossed my arms and pouted. Stupid Nina.

"You guys know Nina used to be a salesperson, right?"

Harry and I both looked up at Alice's announcement. "What?"

"Ah, right then," Alice sat up straight. "When I first started working here, the sales team was made up of five people: Gerard, Nina, Charlie, who's been here forever, a girl named Kate, and a bloke named Storm."

"Storm?" Harry and I echoed at the same time. I laughed and he grabbed my knee under the table.

"Yeah," Alice continued. "So I was told Kate got another job offer and that's why she left, but Felicia said it was because she was tired of Gerard coming on to her."

"Oh that bloody figures," I muttered.

"Yeah, makes sense," Alice agreed. "But what I didn't know was there was an undercover office romance. Nina and Storm."

"Oh really," Harry quirked a brow.

"They were hot and heavy apparently, although they were keeping it under wraps. Until the office Christmas party." Alice tapped her fingers against her cup, keeping an eye on the door in case someone was to walk in. "Gerard let it slip that they were dating. I don't know all the details, but I think it was found out that they would sneak off together when they were supposed to be on sales calls. Storm was fired."

"Wow," I breathed. "Why not Nina?"

"Nina...was basically begging not to be let go. She was the top salesperson, Gerard coming in a close second. She'd made a lot of money for the company. So I guess it was agreed she wouldn't be fired, just moved to another position."

"So she's bitter," scowled Harry.

"Pretty much," Alice nodded.

"And so is Holcomb," Harry added. "Because he can't seem to get any."

"Harry!" I nudged his arm.

"What? It's true."

"Gerard Holcomb is a scumbag and a womanizer," stated Alice.

I nodded.

"So wait..." Harry considered, "Travis told me about there being a lawsuit. Something about a boss and his secretary."

Alice shrugged. "I dunno anything about that. Might've been before I came along. But nothing would surprise me."

I looked at Harry. "I guess we should be careful then," I said softly.

"Yeah," he squeezed my hand. "But we're not doing anything wrong as far as I know."

I bit my lip and nodded, though I couldn't help but feel a tinge of worry that remained with me the rest of the day.

Harry

I glanced at the time on the corner of my computer screen. 4:46 PM. Fuck. There was no way I was going to be finished with the reports for Nina by five. As I continued to type, I suddenly felt a presence behind me. Speak of the devil.

"How are we doing there, Harry?" she asked me.

I rolled my eyes, thankful she couldn't see my face. "We are doing fine," I spat. "Just a few more things to get through."

"Good," said Nina. "Think you can have them on my desk by morning?"

I spun around in my chair. "You mean you want me to stay late?"

"Would you?" she pleaded. "Donald really needs them by nine, and I'll need time to look over them first."

Of course. Anything for Donald. Even though you're his assistant, not me.

"Yeah," I mumbled. "No worries."

"Thank you, doll," she gave me two thumbs up before dancing out of my cubicle.

I rolled my eyes again and gave a groan as I turned my attention back to my computer. No doubt she was trying to butter me up. It was the first time she'd ever called me doll. Her own job must've been on the line, and after hearing about the past situation, I couldn't really blame her for being worried. Still, I wondered why the hell she couldn't just do the reports herself if she wanted them a certain way.

Ten minutes later, I heard my adjacent co-workers getting up from their desks to leave for the day. Travis gave me a half-assed salute to which I shot him the middle finger. He chuckled and patted my back, walking away with a smirk on his face.

I'd situated myself comfortably in my chair (as comfortable as one can get in an office chair) and was engrossed in my final report when I heard a rapping on my cubicle wall. Expecting to see Nina again, my eyes widened when I turned and saw Roni, her sweet smile making me melt.

"Such a busy man today," she commented, tilting her head and jutting out her bottom lip. Fuck me.

"Yeah," I blinked. "Sorry. Trying to rewrite two days' worth of reports in one."

"You have to stay?" she asked, stepping closer to me and laying her hand on my shoulder, rubbing it gently.

"Yep," I sighed.

"How long, do you reckon?"

"At least another hour, maybe two."

"Ugh," Roni made a face. "I guess that's not too bad. Will you text me when you're on your way home?"

I beamed up at her. "You bet."

"'kay," she grinned. Then she leant down and gave me a peck on the lips. "Love you."

I grabbed her hand, keeping her from walking away and making her giggle. "I love you, too," I said.

She squeezed my hand before letting go. After watching her leave, I turned back to my computer, cracked my knuckles and got back to work.

Almost an hour later, I'd put a good dent in the report, but I knew I wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. Stretching, I got up to grab something to drink in the break room. The office was nearly completely silent except for the light sounds of typing from other employees that'd had to stay late like me. Taking a Coke from the machine, I returned to my desk and popped open the can.

"Hi, gorgeous, are you hungry?" I heard behind me as I took a sip.

"What's this?" I smiled as Roni set a bag on my desk.

"Thought you might be here a while, so I brought you something to eat."

"Baby..." I watched her take the contents out of the bag. "You didn't have to do that."

She shrugged. "I know. I wanted to."

I slid my hand up her bum to her waist. "You're fucking amazing."

She chuckled, setting a massive salad and a bowl of soup in front of me. After handing me a fork and spoon, she walked to the cubicle next to mine and grabbed the chair, pulling it up beside me.

"You wouldn't rather eat this in the break room?" I asked her.

"Nah, this is cozy," she grinned. Then she held up a finger. "I do need to get something to drink though. Do you need anything?"

I shook my head. "No, love."

"Be right back," she winked.

I dove into my salad, suddenly realizing just how hungry I was. When Roni rejoined me and sat down, I covered her thigh with my hand, leaning in for a kiss.

"Thank you," I murmured against her lips.

"You're welcome," she whispered, her long lashes fluttering.

"Styles, what are you still doing here?"

The sound of his voice made Roni and me both jump, and I turned to see Gerard Holcomb standing in the hallway next to my cubicle. He had a smug look on his face that I was ready to wipe off if he came one step closer.

"I had some work to finish up," I replied.

"Doesn't look like you're working," he remarked, his eyes shifting between me and Roni. It was all I could do to keep settled in my seat and not blow a fuse.

"Taking a break," I muttered.

"Yeah, sure," he scoffed.

"I brought him dinner," Roni piped up.

Though the food on my desk should confirmed her statement, Holcomb continue to roll his eyes. "Is that what it's called?"

"Listen-" I started to get up my Roni grabbed me by the arm.

"Harry," she said softly yet firmly. Then she turned to Holcomb. "Gerard, last time I checked you weren't Harry's supervisor. In fact, you're not even in the same department. So I suggest you go back to your desk and do whatever it was you were doing, and leave us alone."

Holcomb sneered, ran a hand through his hair and straightened his tie. "No need. I was just headed out to dinner myself."

"Right," I said with a curt nod.

"Good evening," he raised his brows and continued to stroll down the hall.

"Fucking wanker!" I shouted. Roni eyed me. "I hate him!"

"I know," she agreed, turning around to grab a forkful of salad. "I'm pretty sure he watches porn at his desk."

"What?" I chuckled.

"Okay, I'm not positive," she said, licking her lips, "but this afternoon when Alice and I got back from lunch, I had to bring him something and he was eating at his desk with his earbuds in his phone. He nearly dropped it when I walked up and I could've sworn I caught a glimpse of some fucking."

"Oh Jesus," I shook my head with a laugh. "Did he have a boner?"

"Eww," she twisted her mouth. "I didn't look at his crotch, Harry!"

I laughed harder. "Sorry."

Roni and I had a lovely dinner together, but when it was over, it was back to the computer for me. Roni rose from her chair, pushing it back to the desk where it belonged. Then she put all of the trash in the bag, ready to take it to the large bin in the break room.

"I'm gonna stop by my cubicle for a bit also," she explained, "so that I can get started on something Greta has me working on tomorrow."

"Baby, you don't have to stay," I told her.

"It'll just take me a minute," she shrugged. "Then I can check and see if Gerard actually left or not."

With a kiss on my forehead, she turned down the hall, and I got back to work. I must've been so deep in thought when Roni returned, I didn't know she was standing behind me until her hands touched my shoulders and I jumped.

"Fuck, you scared me," I breathed.

"Sorry, didn't mean to," she said just above a whisper. "Guess what?"

"What?"

Roni leaned closer to my ear. "We're the only ones here."

"Really?"

"Yep," she strolled around me to prop herself against my desk. "I just walked around the whole office. It's empty."

"Right," I mouthed, though I was really just focusing on my report. "I'm just about done."

"Good. I'll wait."

I looked up at her then. "Seriously, Roni, you don't have to. I still have to print these out and put them on Nina's desk. I could be another thirty minutes at least."

"You don't want me to stay?" she inquired with a sexy pout.

"No, it's not that," I replied, still typing. "You just don't have to. For me."

"You're really cute when you get that crinkle above your nose from concentrating."

I side-eyed her with a smirk.

"Okay, I'm distracting you. I'm sorry," she sighed, sliding her bum off my desk. When she started to pass me, I grabbed her around the waist with my arm.

"Hey. Don't go."

She blinked, her beautiful eyes doing their magic.

"Stay."

She gave me a gentle smile as she pulled away from my arm. "Maybe I should wait in the break room until you're done."

"Ten minutes. Okay? Give me ten minutes."

She nodded, lifting my hand to her lips and kissing it. After she'd gone, I was able to finish my final thought for the last report. Then I hit the print button, stood up and stretched, then made my way to the large printer.

Once I'd gathered all the papers and put them on Nina's desk, I returned to my own, realising that Roni hadn't returned. I walked to the break room, but finding it empty as well, I pulled out my phone to text her.

Where are you?

Toilet. Are you finished?

Yes

Okay, I need to grab something from my desk. Meet me there?

Okay

Just as I rounded the corner, Roni was emerging from the ladies room. I stopped in my tracks when I noticed she was wearing the same tank top and joggers she had been wearing that afternoon I'd showed up at her flat. And like that day, her hair was up in a loose bun and her face was fresh and clean.

"Just thought I'd go ahead and get comfortable," she smiled.

"Well, alright then," I nodded. I knew I had a goofy grin on my face, but I didn't care.

"Let me get my bag," she said.

As I waited outside of her cubicle, it didn't dawn on me that she was carrying a large tote bag on her shoulder. And it still didn't dawn on me as we walked hand in hand outside. I guess sometimes I'm a stupid git, and I don't catch on as quickly as I should. But I most definitely noticed when we reached the parking lot that her car was not in it.

"Where's your car?" I stared out into the empty spaces.

"Specifically...it's parked next to my flat," Roni replied.

I turned to her, incredulous.

With a sly grin, she shrugged. "Took a taxi back here. Didn't reckon I'd need it."

As I continued to stare at her, the pieces slowly coming together, she tugged on the large bag on her shoulder, clearly weighted by its contents.

"So are you gonna take me home, love, or aren't you?"

I separated the space between us in a split second, taking her in my arms and kissing her. My forehead against hers, her breath mixed with mine, I suddenly felt a chill.

"Roni...baby, I...I thought...you said..."

"I know what I said," she confirmed. "But maybe...maybe we can make an exception. An amendment to the rule?"

I swallowed hard.

"Because...I don't know if I can stand to be without you for five days," she continued, her voice nearly raspy. "It's...it's just too long."

"I agree," I nodded before kissing her again. Then I walked her to my car, throwing her bag in the back seat.

"I even brought a change of clothes," said Roni when I got in the front next to her.

"I see that," I grinned.

She gave me cutest little giggle then, like a young girl filled with glee. And I was thrilled to be the cause of it.

Roni

With a loud yawn, I stretched my legs across Harry's lap, laying my head back on the armrest of the sofa. He winked at me as he grabbed my feet, softly massaging them.

"You realise that's one of my major erogenous zones," I stated with a sigh.

"Is it now?" he raised his brows with a cocky smirk.

He continued to press on the arch of my foot with his thumbs, slowly moving outward. Then with his thumb and forefinger, he gently pinched my heel, gliding up my ankle, adding just the tiniest bit of pressure. I threw my head back, covering my eyes with my arm.

"Oh my God, that feels good," I cried.

Harry chuckled. "I had no idea you had a foot thing."

"I don't," I swallowed. "I have a massage thing."

"Just feet though?" he asked, his voice suddenly lower somehow.

"No. Anywhere."

"Hmm," Harry sounded. "I like learning new things about you."

My eyes still closed, I could feel him pushing the joggers up my legs to my knees. Then I felt the sofa cushions shift and he began to rub his hands up and down my calves. The sensation was both erotic and relaxing as I found myself breathing in and out deeply. His hands stopping just under my knees, he whispered my name.

"Yes?" I managed to find my voice.

"If you want more, baby, we'll have to move to the bed."

Lowering my arm, I looked at him. He was situated between my legs, his arms wound around my knees, his eyelids heavy.

"That's probably a good idea," I agreed.

Biting his lip, Harry rose from the couch, taking my hand. I followed him as he turned out the lights, leaving on only the lamp next to his bed.

"Is it okay if I get undressed now?" I asked him.

"Are you kidding?"

"Well...I mean..." I nervously gestured between us, "I didn't know if you were wanting to do it for me or..."

"Oh!" Harry exclaimed. "Um...that'd be great too."

I giggled. "Here," I began to pull my shirt over my head. "I'll just go ahead. It'll make things easier."

Harry smiled as he watched me get undressed. When I was down to my lace thong, he bit his lip again, furrowing his brows. Then he grabbed me by the waist, pulling me flush against him.

"You're so fucking sexy," he growled in my ear.

Slipping his fingers through the back of my thong, he pushed it down, his palms cupping my bum. Licking my lips, I grabbed hold of his shoulders and stepped out of the tiny lacy garment. My fingers making their way to the curls on the nape of his neck, I kissed him passionately.

"Lie down, baby," he instructed.

With a nod, I climbed onto the bed, lying back on the pillow. I watched as Harry got undressed, his semi-erection already prominent. Then he resumed his position between my legs, just as he'd been on the sofa.

"Now where was I?" he mused out loud.

"My knees," I replied.

"Ah, yes."

Turning his head, Harry left a light kiss on the inside of my left knee, then repeated the gesture on my right. In tiny slithering movements, Harry continued up my thighs, leaving kisses on either side until he finally stopped.

"Hmm, I suppose that's not really a massage, is it?" he remarked in a sly tone as his ran his hands up the outsides of my legs.

"Mmm, Harry..." I squirmed under his touch.

Sitting up on his knees, he continued to rub my thighs, adding pressure as he moved up and down. It tickled a little, but mostly it was driving me insane. Especially when his fingers got really close to the spot I wanted him the most. I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter by the minute.

"I'm not a very good masseuse," he declared with a pout.

"Coulda fooled me," I moaned, shutting my eyes again and spreading my arms out to my sides.

A low chuckle rose from his throat. "Feels good, yeah?"

"Incredible."

When his hands met my waist, I felt him kiss the skin just below my belly button.

"Heyyy," I groaned. "You missed a spot."

"No, I didn't." I could feel his mouth grinning against me.

"Yes. Yes, you did."

"Where?"

"You know where, cheeky boy."

Harry laughed, tickling me fully this time and I giggled. "Maybe I was saving that spot for last," he said.

"Oh. That makes sense."

Harry continued to massage and caress me, nearly making me come undone when he began to suck on my nipples.

"I...most certainly know...this is not...part of a massage," I breathed. "Holy shit."

Arching my back, I finally released my arms from their T position so that I could run my fingers through his hair.

"Jesus, Harry..." I begged. "Please. I'm so wet."

"Are you?" he asked, raising his head to look at me.

"Yes. Please."

I squirmed again under his weight, my body ready for him. Lifting himself to hover over me, he leant down to kiss me, his tongue meeting mine with hunger. I gasped for air when we separated, just a fraction of a second before his hard cock filled me. I cried out at the sweet sting, immediately wanting more.

We made love slowly at first. I could feel every bit of him. Each time he'd pull back, I could feel my body tremble until he pushed back in again, hitting me as deeply as possible. We watched each other the entire time, our gazes never faltering.

Finally, he began pick up speed. I could no longer keep my eyes fixed on his as the sensation became too much to bear. I moaned his name, begging him to go faster. He obliged, fucking me harder, hitting the spot that made me cry out.

"Oh! Oh God, yes! Yes! Oh!"

Harry came close behind, his body shuttering above me until he unraveled. Panting softly, his breath tickling my face, he left a trail of kisses down my nose to my lips.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too."

Harry laid his head on my chest, and I played with his curls until I needed a toilet break. When I returned, Harry went as I cuddled under the sheets. With an endearing smile on his face, Harry waltzed back into the room, plopping his long frame beside me on the bed.

"We should probably get some sleep," I whispered when he pulled me close to him once more.

"Yeah," he agreed, reaching over for his phone on the night stand.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he tapped on the screen.

"Setting the alarm." Then with the same grin still plastered on his face, he set the phone down and rolled over on top of me.

"I'm so glad you decided to stay over on a weeknight," he said.

"I'm glad you finally got the hint," I teased.

"Took me a minute. You're very clever."

"And lucky," I added.

MASTERLIST | KO-FI | FEEDBACK

[ruvviks]

– WHAT DOES YOUR HEART LOOK LIKE?

TAGGED BY: @katsigian & @devilbrakers, thank you so much!! TAGGING: @aartyom, @reaperkiller, @faarkas, @swordcoasts, @twinwitchbolt, @adelaidedrubman, @strafethesesinners, @henbased, @shellibisshe, @dickytwister, @ncytiri, @cultistbase, @reapersynth and YOU! – quiz

– A GUIDING, GOLDEN LIGHT.

just because you cannot see your own heart doesn’t mean that others can’t. your heart is blinding, captivating, a fire so bright that others can’t bring themselves to look away. it illuminates the path they follow and cements you as a guiding star for their own wayward hearts. every experience you’ve lived through has built your lighthouse heart up just a little higher. you are inspirational, a light that doesn’t go out.

director's commentary: the thing with ambrose is that he is so tired. desperately wants to stop working for arasaka but he knows they won't let him go and he believes they've turned him into a monster and there's nothing more to him now because of that. but at the same time he adopted a little girl who would have otherwise simply ended up alone again, and he is the whole world to her; and he is SUCH an important figure in the community they live in, helping with repairs to the building they live in wherever and whenever, always offering protection, and just a friendly familiar face to have a good conversation with at the end of a long day at work. he's so stuck in the belief that how arasaka sees him is how everyone he knows sees him that he doesn't even realize his own kindness and i'm very normal about that [lying]

– A TANGLED BALL OF RED STRINGS.

who are you without the company of others? you aren’t sure, but you know that you aren’t fond of whoever it is. you are an actor, a pretty face and a pleasant song. many idolize you, or love you, but you can never be sure of how sincere it is. your heart is buried under the letters they leave you, sealed with a kiss. it can’t be untangled from the red strings they’ve attached to you. you deserve to find something, someone, true and faithful to hold your heart in place. you don’t have to be everything to everyone.

director's commentary: for the longest time, aubrey believed he knew exactly what he wanted and what was good for him. spent a decent amount of years living a much wilder life than he could actually handle and while he could always get along generally well with people, he could never really find his place even in the biggest of crowds. he's an entertainer, he knows he's funny and knows that's how he makes friends, but at the same time his somewhat obnoxious behavior is a defense mechanism- a way to control how people perceive him in hopes those who actually care about him will stick around despite all his flaws. it's hard to tell where the act stops and the real aubrey starts, but now that he's finally found his place and his people he can finally figure out who he really is

– ICED OVER, OUT OF THE SUN.

your heart is very lonely, isn’t it? is your fortress of ice self-made? are others afraid of you, or are you afraid of them? are you afraid of hurting them, or of being hurt? vulnerability and connection can be frightening, but that’s no reason to shy away from their light, to tuck yourself small into corners, to build up frigid walls to keep yourself from feeling. you will heal when you allow yourself to draw closer to the flames and thaw.

director's commentary: cassidy has been alone for a very long time and especially after his relationship with reid ended, he believed it would be for the best. didn't allow anyone close anymore because they showed no interest in him anyway, so why should he show interest in them? but deep down he longs to have some sort of connection to someone again, and he wants very badly to be loved- in literally any way. he's very scared of being hurt since physical touch does in fact hurt for him, and he's very scared of hurting others because in the past, any sort of confrontation has led to his loved ones dying. but in the end he manages to let people in again and it took him very long but he is finally healing from all of that now, and he no longer has to spend his nights alone

– AN OPEN DOOR, A BURNING HEARTH.

your chest is wide open, and your heart is a home. others are welcomed in readily and asked to stay. you are comfort and love, everything you were never given but so desperately want to provide for others. you have built this welcoming hearth with your own two hands and won’t see anyone else left out in the cold. be careful to not burn yourself out trying to keep everyone else warm.

director's commentary: harlowe is relatively new in comparison to the other guys listed here but this result fits him very well. he used to work as a doll and all of caused him to become very wary of other human beings and feel alienated from them. especially following the incident in which he lost his leg and his doll chip got broken, which led to him getting permanent brain damage after he was forced to keep using the broken chip, he felt very alone and unloved and it wasn't until aubrey got him out of that situation and basically adopted him into his family that things started changing for harlowe. and nowadays he is so full of love; makes it his job to make those around him feel welcome and safe, and he knows how to bring good vibes to any situation. but at the same time he still hasn't had a chance to properly work through all that's happened to him and he's starting to run on fumes

– A CAGE WITH IRON LOCKS.

you are an enigma. you take care to remain that way. you aim to keep people guessing; your motives are uncertain even to yourself. what is it you truly want? you’ll never know if you keep your heart locked away like that. you deserve to be known, truly and fully. stop being afraid of what you might find if you open your heart up to self-reflection. stop thinking that no one will love you the moment they understand you. you are more than the facade you put on.

director's commentary: reid doesn't have the greatest past- career at maxtac, cassidy's ex-boyfriend and reid was NOT a good boyfriend at all, and at some point he basically ended up trying to get cassidy to break up with his current partner and also hand him over to kang tao in a desperate attempt to get his own life back together. none of it worked out for him and he ended up having to work for aubrey; become his secretary and assistant in his fixer business, even though reid had already entirely accepted he was probably going to end up getting killed. now being forced to live with the consequences, reid has bettered himself and even ends up saving the lives of those he once wished dead- but he still carries his past with him everywhere he goes and has a hard time letting go of it all, scared to put himself out there again because he doesn't want the past to repeat itself. but as much as he tries to close himself off, people still find their way to him; and it takes him a while to fully open up, but he gets there in the end, and he's much better off nowadays

– MOLTEN LAVA AND CHARRED FLESH.

your heart burned so fiercely that it burnt itself out, leaving horrible scars in its wake; scars inside your chest and on the hands of those who touched you, the hearts of anyone who got close enough to connect to yours. the person you are now is no longer recognizable, burnt up by your own anger and passion and love. the injuries can never be fully erased, but they can be soothed with time and trust and forgiveness.

director's commentary: reuben's result is interesting because it's accurate but not entirely in the way you would expect. when he was with maelstrom, for the longest time he believed that he truly belonged there; it was his home, the only home he could remember, and despite the fact he was mostly treated like shit he found comfort there and was driven by a passion that came to exist entirely out of his loyalty to them. all of it fell apart when he learned everything he had done for them meant nothing, and he suddenly started to realize all the horrible things they made him do had not ever been good to begin with. he then spent a lot of time alone, hiding in his own little hideout and refusing to let anyone get near him. luckily enough this all changes for him and he ends up moving in with someone he now loves more than anything in the world, and he has countless of friends he would be willing to die for. his passion is still there, and his loyalty too- but this time it's created from within his own heart, rather than fabricated out of lies and empty promises

[ratatattouille]

just finished watching the good place and the finale was fitting for the show, but tbh, i've never understood the "eternity would be unbearable" thing. not "heaven" exactly but "eternity." to me, eternity makes sense. i don't think it's unnatural for a human mind because to me its like being present. i think that's why aging is startling for me. i have had very similar "boring" days throughout my life. and i'll routinely get bored of things and then get excited about them once my fatigue wears out. i don't know what it means to get bored of life. and when i have felt fatigued by it, that fatigue also passes, like all things. if i lived forever, i'd be completely unaware of it the way i'm unaware of the passing of time now. like yeah, i'll burn out if i eat grilled potatoes every night. but getting to eat grilled potatoes again would thrill me just the same. isn't that why you love things? don't you look forward to the things you love? don't you give them space so you can enjoy them all over again?

perhaps part of the point of virtues like patience, restraint, hope, courage, generosity, selflessness isn't strictly about "making the world better" or just taking care of those around you, but maximizing pleasure by managing yourself. taking time to do the difficult things so the pleasurable things don't sour. so you can actually handle your pleasure without it destroying you. your pleasures can go bad without balance. wealth will go bad without character. even happiness. and balance takes constant intentionality. it's a never-ending challenge in itself. mastering it will still mean you have to do it. you will never reach a place where saying yes will always be the right or healthy answer.

i'd also never get bored of people. even when they're predictable. it's one thing to know something about a person, but it's always new living side by side with that person. life is just endlessly fascinating to me even when there's nothing to solve or nothing new.

i'm fascinated by mystery, but i'm so so fascinated by the familiar as well. idk what it means to get tired of seeing the same waterfall or butterfly. i will always fall in love with the full moon. eternity would not weigh on me because i simply wouldn't notice it. i'd just be waking up again, sleeping again. meeting the people i love again. i don't even think about it now which is why death always feels so sudden. i subconsciously assume where i am will always be like this and it always feels dynamic. there's always something about it.

i think the good place's idea of heaven/paradise is a critique on hedonism, but what it is ultimately, is an acknowledgement of human finitude. you're not meant to have everything on MAX all the time as a human. that's what's unnatural and that's what makes things tiring: constant oversaturation and overstimulation. you can't have too much all at once. at least not with this brain and body.

also, does endless comfort make for dull people? i think it depends. i know i would want a world without suffering, but i don't think that has to mean living in a world without difficulty, mystery or pain. maybe, actually, it's not even suffering i would avoid. maybe i just don't want a world with injustice in it. i think that's a better idea of paradise. because there's certain levels of pleasure (like catharsis) that simply can't be accessed without initial stress. it's kinda like the whole capitalism thing.

i don't want to be exploited or "hustle." that doesn't mean i don't want to work hard at something. i want my work to be well compensated. not to not work ever.

i ALSO don't think death makes life meaningful. i think humans are meaningful beings that create and communicate via meaning. we create meaning constantly. we don't find it and nothing gives it to us. i don't think that would change if we were immortal. it's literally just who we are. it is as dynamic as we are.

i also don't think endless life could ever be boring. i think the worry here is "unchangingness" or "stagnance." but i don't see why immortality would have to mean nothing changes. i think life perpetuates itself by changing. i think life would not be possible without change, so why would endless life mean changelessness? we can't ever know everything because everything is constantly changing. including ourselves.

i can't grasp being tired of that.

except that change would imply death of some kind. and that's where the grief comes in. yet also the triumph. idk. i just love life man. even when its hard. the main thing for me is not being isolated. suffering to me is abandonment and silence.

that's what i can't bear. not being with others. not meeting someone on the other end (if there is another end). that's what scares me. the fact that nonexistence means no one is there. not even me.

anyways. good show.

[tohisprettyc00l]

could you do a Vee x Basilisk reader where Vee sees the reader's true form, instead of their disguise?

request from Tumblr: could you do a Vee x Basilisk reader where Vee sees the reader's true form, instead of their disguise?

A/n: just for clarification, this starts when Vee is pretending to be Luz.

You had escaped the Emperor's Coven and into the human realm a few months ago. And currently, you were living in a random shed you found. Listen, you weren't homeless! You're just... Okay, there is no good way to phrase this, you are homeless. But on the plus side, you have an area to camp out in and a school lunch! Speaking of school, it's time to go to school.

You quickly shape-shifted into the human form you've been taking. It's a bit of a mix-mash of other people you've seen. It does stop people from getting you in trouble with a person whose form you took though. You quickly ran to school.

Once you got to school you saw your friend Luz. She always seemed very familiar since the moment you met her. She reminded you of your old life, but somehow in a good way? "Y/N! how's it going?" "Pretty good!" She smiled sweetly. you felt a warm feeling in your heart as she smiled. "Same here! I've been doing some cleaning." You paused. "How did you earn the reputation as a 'trouble-maker?' You're so chill!" You said. Luz seemed to get oddly nervous, "Well one summer can really change a person, y'know." You nodded. "Yeah, it's like you're a whole different person though!" "I wouldn't say that." You dropped the topic because it seemed to be freaking her out. The bell rang and you both went to your respective classes.

Soon class started. But you weren't really paying attention. You were more focused on Luz's reaction. That might have been when of the most nervous she had been. At least around you. Soon the bell rang that snapped you out of your thoughts. When you walked out you saw Luz talking to one of her other friends in the hallway. You looked at Luz and you could've sworn you saw her blink sideways. At first, you didn't think much about it until you remembered that humans don't do that. You rubbed your eyes and looked at her again. She blinked again, normally. So, you chalked it up to you being tired or something.

Luz looked at you and walked up to you. "Hey, Y/n!" She waved, "Wanna hang out later." You nodded. "Okay, I've never seen your house so-" "No!" You accidentally shouted. Which earned you a few weird looks from other kids and a concerned look from Luz. "Um- I mean, I like your place a lot more. So I want to go to your house instead." You said nervously. "Oookay?" Luz said, "Yeah we'll just go to my place." You sighed in relief. "What time should it be at?" Luz asked. "Um around 8?" "Sure!"

After a few more hours school ended. You gather all your stuff and run to the shed you call home. Once you got there you sighed. You only had enough magic for a week. Even if you used as little as possible. But at least you could hang out with Luz later, that could take your mind off it, if only for a few hours. You lay your head back on the wall.

Suddenly you heard footsteps in the other room. You got up to check it out when suddenly there were banging noises. You ran as fast as you could. You peaked slightly around the corner. And there, in the middle of your shed, was another basilisk. You froze, not sure of what the right way to react was.

A small mirror with a messy-haired Luz caught your attention. You tried to speak but your voice was caught in your throat so you stood still. "Stop moving, you'll make it tighter!" The Luz in the mirror said, "I didn't mean to freak you out. I just want to figure it out, okay?" "Mhm." "Your a demon, from the Boiling Isles. What's your name?" "I'm number five- I mean, I'm Vee." Your eyes widened with shock. Not only was she the closest to you when you were still imprisoned. But she also seems to have been impersonating Luz!

"Okay, Vee, I'm going to help free you. You're going to be alright. Now, back up a bit, give it some slack." Luz instructed, "Now look for a little metal thing-a-ma-boba, sorry I don't know what it's called." Vee pulled on it and released her leg. "There you go!" She jumped out of the trap quickly. You suck in your breath and walked to the basement door. You entered and quietly closed the door.

You just stared at the wall for a few moments. There were a million thoughts going through your mind. Well, God that explains a lot. you went back upstairs hoping they left. Thankfully they did. So you went outside hoping to organically run into Vee.

After a while of walking, you spotted Masha and her other friends. They were holding hexes hold'em cards which had the scent of magic on them. You concluded this would be your highest chance of seeing Vee. "Hey, guys!" You waved. "Hey Y/N!" Masha greeted, "I got some tarot cards I was just giving him a reading." They pointed to their friend. They cleared their throats, "As I was saying, a past connection that left a mark on your soul, has shown up again. And is asking you to shed your old ways and enter a metamorphosis! And be the spiritual leader you were meant to be" "Yeah, that sounds about right." The guy who they were giving a reading to said.

Suddenly Vee appeared. "Yes!" You mentally cheered. "Hello." She greeted you. "Oh, hey Luz! Nice to see you out of prison." "Oh come on, camp wasn't that bad. We did have the best cabin." Cabin seven! Ho-ha-ha" They all said in unison then laughed. You giggled at their goofiness.

"Cool cards, where'd you get them?" She went to grab the card but Masha grabbed it first. Uh-uh. Let me give you a reading first. I wanna practice." They laid three cards down, "You're running from your past. From a previous life that was not kind to you. However, the guilt and fear you carry will eventually catch you in a self-fulfilling prophecy that you won't be able to escape from. You're going to need some bath bombs, girl." You felt slightly tense, it might've been for Vee, but it hit way too close to you as well.

Masha started collecting the cards, "Anyway, I got the cards over at the Graves Field historical society." "Thanks, I'll see you around." Vee got up and started leaving. "Did you see the look in her eyes? I got to find out where she got those contacts." Vee leaving snapped you out of your thoughts. "Here why don't I go find out right now?" You said. "Thanks." With that, you got up and started walking toward Vee.

Once you finally entered you heard Vee and Luz around the corner. "I know what it's like to want to run away from home. I did the same thing." "You and I are not the same. You had a mom that Loved you, a life. You had it good! And you still wanted to run away. I-I didn't have a choice." You cringed slightly at her last sentence. "My real name is Number Five. I'm a Basilisk, and technically I-I shouldn't exist. My kind went extinct a long time ago. But we were brought back. They wanted to see how we drained magic." "I met a Basilisk one. She hurt a lot of people." "For many of us all we knew how to do was feed. Some of us escaped, but I knew it was only a matter of time before he caught us again. But then I saw you and you could be a way out of this!" Vee explained, "I didn't mean to keep playing this role but Camila was nice to me. I resent you for running away. But I'm also thankful you did. I don't know, it's confusing."

Vee turned to you and loudly gasped. You nervously waved. "How much did you hear..?" Vee asked nervously. You dry swallowed, "Umm, all of it." Vee's face went pale. "Y-y/n-" "I'll be fine. You seem to need help." "I do. But you can't do anything. Please, just leave for now." You opened your mouth to speak but words didn't come out. You sighed, nodded, then left. "Did you find out where she got them?" Masha asked when you walked by. "Huh?" "The contacts!" "Oh- um- no she forgot." "Awh, that sucks. Thanks anyway." You nodded and began walking home.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a little less than a week since "Luz '' came to school. Your hope of even seeing her again kept dwindling. But on a saturday morning your phone rang. Your eyes lit up seeing who sent it. Luz. You quickly opened it. "Hey y/n it's been awhile. Can I come over please?" You looked at your phone. "There's a shed by your house, can we met there?" you texted.

What you thought was going to happen, was Vee texting you yes and a time. Not suddenly getting a text telling you that she's at the shed. Your phone rung and your heart sank reading the message. Suddenly your door opened and Vee stood, looking at you in a similar manner as you first looked at her. As quickly as you could, you shapeshifted into your usual form. "Sup-surprise." Vee teared up.

"You okay-" "Number seven!" She ran over and hugged you, "I missed you!" You smiled, "Yep, seems no matter the realm we'll be friends. But I'm running out of magic..." "Oh!" Vee exclaimed. She pulled some cards out of her pocket. "The cards Masha was using had magic! There from the demon realm." "Thanks Vee!" "Anything for us not to be split up again."

[storylocke]

Much Ado About Blue: Oathbound

Abe~!” When the two rapid knocks received no response, Blue slowly pushed open the bedroom door and peered in. “Your mom said I could come on up.” The lights were off, but he could still see clearly from the daylight streaming through the window that it was empty. A familiar backpack hung on the end of the bedpost, and the unmistakable jacket was draped over the desk chair. “Abe…?” He fully stepped in to look around and quietly shut the door behind him. No one here meant no one to mind him being nosey, right? Clearly the boy had been busy as the map on the wall was covered with lines and Xs in different colors of ink, while sketches of islands and layouts of caves were pinned on the space around it. On the desk, rough sketches of individual towns had scratches over the buildings and notes written in the streets. "Good lord," he muttered as he ran a hand over the pages to see there were more underneath. Was this all in one night, or had he been at this his whole journey? Just what had those things been doing to him?!

Blue took a seat on the edge of the bed and called out again. “Come on out, ya little rat, I know you're in here. I'm just as disappointed as you are, but we need to talk.” 

A soft squeak came from below and Blue pulled up his feet before hanging upside-down so he could peer underneath. The runt of a Champion stared back at him from the darkness and finally spoke. “...We're still here.”

“Yeah. We're still here.” Blue tried to give him a smile, but the boy's wide-eyed, sleepless face looked ghastly in the shadow. "But does it mean you have to stay under there?" 

Abe's face withdrew into his shoulders as he tried to hide his embarrassment. His friend was right though, so he wriggled out from under the bed and gave himself a shake to get the feeling back in his limbs. “You're not mad at me?”

“Tch, why would I be mad at you? Not like you planned all this.” Blue sat back on his knees as he watched the boy make his way over to the desk. “If anything, I'm getting mad at those Voices you've got, for getting us in this mess. And at the people outside for not helping us." Abe placed his hands on the back of the chair, tightening his grip on its curved top as he gazed over the maddening mess he apparently left the night before. Blue's tone grew softer as he shifted on the bed to swing his legs back down. “Are They still here?” Abe continued to stare at the desk before finally giving a nod. Blue knew he shouldn't be surprised, but he wondered what the Voices were telling Abe if They had heard his bitter remark. Maybe it was best to move on. "Ah, don't be so hard on yourself. So you were wrong about the badges being the key. Just means we have to think of something else."

Abe's voice hitched in his throat as he could feel himself getting upset again. “But I can't think anymore!" He would probably cry if he had any energy left for it, but instead he just sunk down in tired resignation. "I’ve gone to every corner of the map… I’ve fought EVERYONE! I’ve even been to places that shouldn’t exist! What could we possibly be missing?!” 

As he turned to seek some answer from the teen, Blue had already gotten up and caught him by the shoulders as he faced him. "Abe? You've been here this long, I think a few hours of sleep would probably help with that." 

Abe seemed to stare right through him as his voice grew hollow. "Chosen don't need sleep."

"Riiiight." Blue spun the desk chair around and pushed the boy down with little resistance. "Which is why you look like you got hit by a truck after running nonstop for the past week or so. Your brain still needs a break."

Abe contemplated this a moment before finally closing his eyes and rubbing at them with his palms to blot out the sunlight. "I just want to be done already…" 

Not really much for comfort, Blue returned to the bed to sit across from him. "Hey, I hear ya." He sat quietly for a moment as he waited for Abe to collect himself. "I just don't see how crawling into a hole to die is helping anything. Seriously, what were ya doing under there?"

Abe lowered his eyes to the floor, half ashamed as his voice came out softly with the childish air of someone afraid to admit. Afraid of the possible response. "I was hoping to find Red again..." 

"I was just joking about the "die" thing. What do you mean by again?" Blue tensed up as he tried to wrap his mind around the statement. "You saw him? Here?!" 

The boy just shook his head as he still couldn't bring himself to look at him. "I'm not sure what it was…. A dream, maybe? A vision?" Abe started to sit back up as he took a deep breath and tried to keep his composure. "Right after I beat you the first time, I was warped here from the Hall of Fame. The Voices told me to come to bed and then… I don't know. I was suddenly there in those caves on Mt. Silver." His voice rang hollow as stared at the teen and hesitated to explain further. "The Voices… They were swirling all around in such a frenzy I could practically see Their cries burning Themselves into the walls. Red came towards me, and… he was just like I remember. And the Chosen Six were all there. And this time it was me-- me and my team-- who were the ones to destroy them! I could say it was the Voices that did it, I could say I just fought back, but I feel like I betrayed him. When it was over and he started to fade away, you should have seen the look on his face." 

"Sounds like a nightmare if ya ask me." Blue relaxed to learn that's all the kid meant and casually sat back on his hands. "We both know Red wouldn't hurt you without a good reason."

"But what if he had a good reason? Like he hates that I got caught up with the Voices like he did, or because I decided to save Lord Dome. You know how he is!" Abe returned his gaze to the floor as though ashamed by the fact. "Once I touched the Fossil, nothing's been right since then. Nothing works. What if all this is divine punishment? What if he hates me?"

Blue shook his head at the ceiling, and searched for some kind of guidance. As tempting as it was to just leave and come back when the kid calmed down, given his current state, it was just as likely if he left Abe alone, he'd lose track of the kid again. "Abe? You're a smart kid, let's be logical here. What would Red even be doing here? Unless it turned out we're all wrong and he didn't die, just got stuck in some corner of this madhouse. If he had that kind of power, why not contact you before you picked up Dome if it was that big a deal? If he really is trapped, why would you two be fighting when this whole expedition of yours was to find out what happened to him? You might just be the only one who could save him." He paused to see that the boy was still glum but listening carefully as he went on. "If Red hated you, why would he spend his last few years taking care of you and your mom when he had a budding empire to run? And hate you for what? Because you grabbed a fake god made of data and light in a fake reality made by Dome's acolyte? I'd be more surprised if you didn't end up with Dome by default just because the game wanted you to."

"But Acidy isn't fake!" Abe snapped at him suddenly. "He can't be! He knows way too much about the outside to just be something of Bill's invention. And even if he was just another one of Bill's creations, why would Bill program Lord Dome to absolutely despise him?! I know he's real! I felt sorry for the poor creature, and at the time I revived him, and I had no choice but…but... Red wouldn't know about any of that! And if it was meant to be an omen not to let Acidy get out, I didn't even use him at the League this time. You saw that!" He lowered his eyes to the floor once more, "But he's still my friend… Even if it was what Red wanted, I don't think I could ever hurt him…"

"He… What?" Blue waved his hands to tell Abe to listen before answering. "Back up a sec. So Acidy, the Kabutops you've been using, is actually a god!? The same one you've been using for a surfboard? And he lets you?" 

Abe cooled a bit as the awkwardness of the statement sank in. "...Yes." 

"And when you revived the Fossil, he's been telling you he abandoned his own Acolyte?" Blue felt a knot in his stomach as his mind began to race. Just who were they dealing with if the respected PC Runner had done something so terrible to have fallen completely out of favor with his patron deity? And worse, if that was the case, Abe's concerns about some vengeful spirits coming around might have some truth to it after all. "Are you sure you're not the Acolyte?" 

"I don't know what our relationship is, all I know is what Acidy told me." Abe gestured wildly as he tried to get it all out in one breath. "Bill apparently made him swear to protect Alice, and a god can't go back on their word. But I guess since this world is supposed to be for Alice, Bill tricked Acidy into entering the game to trap him in here. Why? No idea. Acidy doesn't know either since he said it happened so quickly. One minute they were talking in the lab, the next he was in severe pain and being forced back into his Fossil state only to wake up in here." 

"Yeah, well it's a stupid move for a so-called genius if Bill is supposed to be such an advocate for order and precision." Now it was Blue's turn to be angry. "Removing the God of Democracy from the realm just seems to be inviting disaster. Bill would know about the need for balance first hand, there's no way he did this by accident." 

Abe nodded. "But with the change of power and the Holy Wars… wouldn't that be what Red wanted? To cast Lord Dome somewhere he can't influence people?"  

"Look, I may not like your brother, but there was one thing he made very clear to me. There's a difference between Anarchy and Chaos. And if this is true, what Bill did was not just tip the scales in one direction but actually broke them by getting rid of one of the Big Three. And if it was on purpose, then our troubles here are nothing compared to what's coming to our world out there. I can say, in full confidence, this is not what Red would have wanted." Blue's eyes shined with pride to have figured something out. Oak had warned him not to tell Abe anything or else the Voices might turn on him, but if They already learned that much, then surely he couldn't be seen as the villain here. Or at least he wouldn't be the one to face Their wrath. "Do you think it's at all possible Bill may be ignoring us on purpose? That maybe he's the one keeping us here and not Red?" 

Abe gave a meek little nod and a bit of a sniffle. "I don't know why though. He's got no reason to. We're just a couple of kids wanting to help out. Why would he do this to someone just trying to make things better?" He paused and sat up a bit at a sudden memory. "He's got an avatar here in the world. He actually saved me back at the start of my journey, so if he wanted us gone, why rescue me?" 

Blue gave a tired shrug, "Maybe because he still needed you at the time. Last time we talked, you mentioned running into Glitches. It's just now that you've found them and tested everything, he's got the game working enough to not need ya anymore." 

"It's possible…" The little Champion had to admit he'd come a long way since then, "Like I said, it was pretty early on. But if the plan was to leave me to rot, why would he send you?" 

"Ah, well as ya may have noticed, Bill and Gramps have been working together for a while on this. It wasn't Bill who asked me. Which just makes me worry since, if Bill really is up to something, I need to find a way to warn Gramps before something happens." Blue crossed his arms in a bit of a huff, "If the man was willing to betray a being he's dedicated himself to for over a decade now, what trouble would it be to dispose of a few ex-Champions?" 

Abe just shook his head. "I sure hope you're wrong. Of course I also hoped Acidy was just being bitter and maybe misunderstood what happened to him, but I wouldn't be so proud of figuring it out if you're both right. This is Bill's world after all, and if he wanted to get rid of us, we're at the mercy of his control. What good is it for us to learn about all this when we're already stuck here?" 

That certainly took the fire out of the gatekeeper as he knew the kid was right. If their home was in danger, it's not like they could do anything about it. "That? I couldn't tell ya. All I know is that if he built this place, there's got to be a way we can still beat him at his own game." The pair sat in long, quiet contemplation when Blue slowly stood up in realization. "Hey, what exactly did Bill contract you to do?"

Abe blinked at him in curiosity, "Like I said, map out the world, test all its features, and secure any possible problems in the coding. Make sure everything is safe and working. Heck, we even went out of our way to make sure you worked properly in the game's context. Anywhere that was glitching before seems stable. We even got Democracy to work! Maybe not exactly how it happened for Red, but if Acidy is strong enough again to enforce it, that must mean something, right? So, yeah. I've officially nothing left to do."

Nice to hear the kid had calmed down from the first time that came up. As the kid was explaining this, Blue had been nodding along as he dug through his pockets. No way his digital counterpart didn't have- aha! "Even this?" He held up his Pokedex and gave it a little wiggle to draw the boy's attention. Abe just blinked at him blankly. "Look, when Red and I first left home, Gramps gave us both a prototype Pokedex to fill in for him. There was never any plan to challenge the League, or take on the Rockets, or starting cults or anything-"

"I know that." Abe said bluntly and pulled out his own easily, "I've got one because Red got one, but he never finished his. I've gotten pretty far, so I'm sure I've caught everything he did at least. Even Zapdos."

"Yeah, I noticed." Blue matched his lack of enthusiasm as he clearly remembered the one from their battle. "After you left the League this past time, I got to looking into your record and there was a category for how far you’ve gotten in the Pokedex. It doesn’t make any sense to me since, in the real world, only like four people even own an automatic Pokedex like these, so why would the League care about that? But Bill still remembered to put it in the game for Alice, and she wouldn't have that kind of knowledge like we do. And I even asked the guys before I came in here why it's so important I have to keep the same set of Pokemon when you can rebuild yours however many times you want."

"Because Alice isn’t on any set path or looking for answers or anything, Bill just wanted a place for her where she could go off and safely have her own adventures. She can’t be put on a track because she’d start to realize the same thing we are about being stuck in a power fantasy.” He shifted a bit awkwardly as he debated on how much he needed to explain, “I asked Bill about it after the Kakuna Wars because I was worried I’d messed everything up by straying from Red’s path, and he said since I’m in the same position she’ll eventually be, it’s fine.” 

“Tch, still unfair. But the point is, she’s not trying to follow Red, she’s just living out her dream in the world we grew up in. And if she’s more of a curious, tech savvy, mild mannered kid like her dad is, then who’s to say she even wants to go fighting mobsters?” Blue leaned back on his hands and carried on in wry amusement, "Unlike the rest of us, she may actually wanna take it seriously and unleash some glitch monster, like you keep talking about, between the pages." Abe just heaved a frustrated sigh and rubbed a hand down the front of his face. "Hey, it may be grasping at straws, but I don't see you coming up with anything." 

"No, I was going to say it doesn't work like that, but weirder things have happened around here." Abe flipped open the Dex to gaze at some of the empty slots right there at the top. He started to scroll down, the numerous images flashing as blank pages jumped out at him. And there at the end, number 150, was the monster of Cerulean Cave. The one that had cost them Leech King. "It's just… if you're right, I don't see us getting home any time soon. I've gotten pretty far, but… some of this might require me to go back to some dark places." 

"Unfortunately the only way for us to check is to just do it. And if we're bound by our contracts, I can't do it for you." Blue paused as he gazed around the room again, at the familiarity of Red's old room mixed with Abe's madness. His voice softened with an air of melancholy as he hated to say it. "I know it's a lot to ask of you, but worse comes to worse, if it turns out I'm wrong, it's not like we were going anywhere anyway."

Abe quietly agreed and snapped the Pokedex shut before returning it to his pocket. He could see Blue staring at the maps on his wall, but for some reason it didn't feel like his friend was actually reading them. It was fair to say they both had a lot on their minds. "What about you?" Blue came out of his daydreaming to look at him. "I guess we could try another race and help keep up the motivation."

“I think I’ll pass.” Blue slid his hands into his pockets and gave a casual shrug, “Back when Red was eating it up as the nation’s hero, I went ahead and finished mine. Or at least sought out every Pokemon known to exist in Kanto.”

“Wow! I never heard about that!” Again, Blue just shrugged like it was nothing important. Maybe, Abe thought, he’d never heard about it because the Oaks didn’t want to talk about it with everything else going on at that time. Still, something was bothering him. “Um… Well I guess you have a totally different agreement with Bill, since you didn’t even need to collect the badges when you came in. Is there anything I can help you with?”

“Me?” The teen tensed up as his mind started to race. He’d been pushing his luck as it was for all his blabbering, but how long could he keep lying to the kid? It would have to catch up with him eventually if they stayed there long enough. “Well, I… uh… It sucks, but when I prepared to come in here, I gave my word that I wouldn’t tell anyone about this project or what we're doing, or nothin’. So I lied to Daisy and the League about where I was going or how long I'd be… But I don't know if that includes you." He tried to play it off casually again as he cradled the back of his head in his hands, "I didn't think much of it at the time, but this place seems to take promises very seriously. So if you're oathbound here because you agreed to do everything, and Lord Dome is trapped here until Alice comes in so he can fulfill his promise, I sure don't want to be the first to find out what happens when someone breaks a deal." 

Abe seemed somewhat defeated as his voice came out low, "I understand then. So what do you plan to do while I'm out hunting? Like I said, it could be weeks, maybe another month… It's gonna be a while."

"Eh, I figured as much. Don't worry, after everything we talked about here, I've got some business to take care of and my own mysteries to solve. Why don't you just focus on your job and I'll see what I can find out about Bill. If I'm right and we get to leave, I'm sure we'll get to see what he's done first hand. If you finish and we're still stuck here, maybe I can at least find our next lead. Sound good?"

"But if we find anything, how are we supposed to find each other?"

Blue waved him off with feigned confidence, "This place is pretty small compared to the real deal. I'm sure we'll run into each other even when we're not looking." 

Abe slid out of his chair and went to grab his jacket. "Right. Then I guess I'll get started too!"

"Hold up." Blue came back over and once again took the young Champion by the shoulders to guide him to the bed. "I'm glad I got ya to spill some things, but you still need to sleep. This whole thing started because you were acting weird and possibly seeing things. You don't need to be on the road." Abe tried to protest but didn't get a word in as he was moved to take what had been Blue's seat. "We're in no rush, no one is gonna be mad if you take a little break. Your team would probably like a break too."

"Okay…" he watched as the teen made his way to the door. "And Blue? Thanks. I'm sorry if I got you caught up in all this… And that I keep getting mad at you. I'm not sure what I'd do if I had to keep going alone." 

Blue had stopped in the doorframe and half wanted to tell him not to thank him just yet. Instead, he just let out the pent up air and changed his mind. "Whenever you get ready, come meet me in Cinnabar. Okay?" His friend agreed. 

As he made his way down the stairs, Blue let his mind wander over where to even begin after all this. Why did it seem like every time he met with someone, he left all the more confused? He thought about Bill, about Red, about home, about promises. How carelessly he agreed to all this and all the more urgent it seemed he kept it.

~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Wow been meaning to update any of my stories on here for AGES! I've had a lot of IRL stuff come up and have been posting on A03 so I keep putting off putting things here. Speaking of, you can find previous chapters here!

[dragonmasterhiccup]

“Nah, he just lights the forge on fire sometimes, no big deal,” she said sarcastically.

“Really? Wow, I thought she’d be tired of me by now, it feels like I see her more than you, with training and everything. But yeah, if you’re sure, maybe we could have Mom come too, so the whole family could witness me winning!”

She snorted. “Are you starting to see stuff from the lack of sleep? Because if that’s the case, welcome to my world.” She shook her head. “Gothi wouldn’t do that when you have Zephyr… would she?” she asked.

“And you didn’t tell me this?! Oh my Gods Hiccup, why didn’t you say something?! My two least favorite people on this entire island are gone, for an entire week, and you just, didn’t think to tell me?! You know, if I wasn’t as happy as I am about them being gone, then I would be so mad at you beyond all reason for not telling me sooner.”

“Oh…” She thought for a moment. “I thought only guys could be heirs though? Or… did that rule change or something…?” She shrugged. “I guess I’m also not too familiar with how this stuff works, so correct me if I’m wrong.”

She nodded sadly. “Yeah, they have…” It wasn’t anyone’s fault, stuff like this happened, it was just… upsetting that she didn’t get to spend time with her family as much anymore.

She listened intently as Hiccup spoke, her gaze fixed on the path below as they made their way to the stables. Though she did perk up at his proposition, her smile quickly returning. “Really? You sure you have time for that? I- I mean, yeah, of course, I’d love to! It would just be me, you, Astrid, Zephyr, and Mom, right? Just the family?”

She was about to propose an idea, but before she was able to, Hiccup had decided to throw in the ‘within reason’ part of it. Ugh, he was such a loser.

She rolled her eyes. “You and your ‘within reason’ bull crap. But uh, what about… Oo, is there any other cool islands? Maybe some that are further away? And maybe we could do measurements so that you could eventually make me my own armor! I know, I know, ‘wait until I’m finished growing’ or whatever, but I’ve been going on more raids recently, shouldn’t I have some actual, good armor?”

"What? No, no, of course not. She's always wanted a sister, and now she has you. She's also mentioned how great you are, helping in archery."

Rubbing his eyes, he nodded. "You know, I think I'm starting to. I'm so used to having Toothless with me all the time, it's hard to get used to him not being here when he's off with Luna."

Shrugging, he considered. "Eh...she might. I don't particularly want to take that chance."

He held his hands up in a mock surrender. "Hey, hey! It only just happened today! No need to be upset!"

Grinning, he quietly said, "Traditionally, yes, but, I think that's a bit outdated. Nothing is official yet, of course, but further down the road, it's pretty likely."

"For dinner? Yes, yes I do. Astrid has been on me for months about being home on time to eat, and going to sleep at a decent hour, and with Zephyr I've been better about it than I used to be." Smiling, he nodded. "Yeah, just the five of us. Does that sound okay to you?"

He held up a hand. "Hey, I add 'within reason' for many reasons." He started counting on his fingers. "If anything happened to me, Astrid would kill me, you'd blame yourself, I'd blame myself, Gothi would whack me, and I need to make sure Zephyr has me around." Placing both hands on his hips, he concluded, "And don't try to deny it, because there's clear evidence of all of these things happening from past events. Going on missions, doing chiefly duties is one thing, because most of what happens on those can't always be accounted for."

He thought for a moment. "There are other islands. Right now I don't think I can be away for more than a day, but I'll check the map, see what's nearby."

There was one with an underground cave system, full of stalagmites and stalactites. There was even a body of water within them that seemed to glow.

"You're right. I can't believe we've gone this long without giving you any new armor...I'll be back in the forge in two days, we can get your measurements tomorrow and start gathering materials."