#fake greentext

[nightshade-aurora]

>be me

>normal 1:36 AM on tumblr

>realize I can colour my text

>chaos is to ensue

[mirqmarq428]

> be me, Theseus

> unite all of Greece on my way home from school

> save at least 14 youths from being fed to the Minotaur

> after i die my sole contribution to Philosophical Discourse is this stupid Ship i didn't even use

> well fine then

> send my loyal gnomes to fix this guys computer for him, as a gesture of favor

> mfw he isnt even grateful

[tarisbackyard]

> Be me

> Living in 2024

> Reading le fanfics on le AO3

> Find really exciting rarepair fic

> Didnotknowineededthis.jpg

> Unfinished

> "Last updated in 2016"

> Only fic with this rarepair

> ffs

[mckesson]

Source

[mirqmarq428]

random porn bot follows me

look for button with the drop down menu to report & block

there's a Follow button there

hit it by mistake

now i can report & block so i do

quickly unfollow

tfw the button was there without having to follow

Unfollow is in the drop down. Follow is a separate button that pushes the dropdown away. Argh.

[a-most-beloved-fool]

- be me, in therapy - we're talking about my fanfiction writing - mention that the one story I've completed was well-received - therapist says "oh, you posted one online? is it still up?" - i'm suspicious - "why...?" - "Can I read it? Send me a link!"

SIR. ARE YOU SURE. ARE YOU CERTAIN THAT THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT. IT'S ROMANTIC KIRK/SPOCK STAR TREK FANFIC. ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU REALLY TRULY WANT TO READ THAT.

so now i guess i'm sending him an ao3 link 😭 rip

[lovotomii]

can't stand greentexts anymore

[whales-are-gay]

>be me >looking for new music >let spotify autoplay after a plumtree album >hear a new song i havent heard before >eyes widen >it's carseat headrest

i am beyond parody

[spectralpooch]

this ai boom fucking sucks and it concerns and disturbs me how much so many people in our generation are embracing it. but also im a failure at praxis bc i cant stop listening to the squidward ai cover of my way

[toothyblowjob]

>see people reblogging a rlly sus gofundme

>go to comments to say "hey this doesn't seem legit"

>other people in the comments are suspicious it's a scam too

>every single one of them is getting called an idiot and told to kill themself

:/

[buggo-buggo]

When I go to bed right as I “““fall asleep””” there are actually a bunch of little goblins and trolls that come out of hiding and change the clocks and the sun and stuff, I can’t prove this is actually happening but I know it is.

[ailurinae]

a solid 50% of the screencaps that pop off on here

I think toskarin and I have very different tumblr experiences...

tumblr's aversion to learning about imageboard trends does make sense, but it's kind of impressive how that also leads to people not really internalising that greentext can (and usually does) contain lies

[spyglassrealms]

just had a certified worldbuilder moment

(fake greentext, don't worry guys)

[max1461]

Ok, look. Somebody help me out here. I want to understand what's going on with people like this. There are a thousand greentexts like this, and the one I linked probably isn't even the best example (just the one that I saw most recently). And honestly half of these are probably fake. But I want to understand what is going on in the heads of these people.

So the general format for these greentexts is as follows:

anon is a straight guy, socially awkward, a virgin, and a loner

anon wants a gf, and talks about this desire in such a way that I am lead to believe it's not merely a feeling of social obligation or a desire for sex, but a genuine longing to love and be loved

anon doesn't have a gf because he is socially awkward and can't talk to girls

sadface.jpeg

anon meets girl who he likes

girl likes him back

anon and girl spend time together and become closer, perhaps one even asks the other out and it goes well

anon discovers something very innocuous about the girl related to sexuality, i.e. that she's been with other guys before, that she has an ex-boyfriend, that she has sex in general, etc.

anon flies into what appears to be a mixture of rage and desperate sadness, either does something nasty to the girl in retribution or (more often) just ghosts her, this is the end of anon's tale

And, ok, look, what I don't really get about these stories is what is going on psychologically for anon here. Like, probably a lot of people are gonna say "misogyny", and yeah—obviously. But that's not really a full explanation. Like this behavior is so incongruous to me, it's so nonsensical, that I have trouble parsing it. If anon is really that desperate for companionship, and he likes this girl, and she likes him, and things are going well... why in the world would he throw it all away over... the fact that she has sex? Which almost everyone does? It's like, insane. Even setting aside the misogyny, it's ridiculously self-sabotaging.

And, look, I was a socially awkward loner growing up, for a lot longer than many of these anons, based on the ages they claim to be. I know what it feels like to be insecure, to be less experienced than those around you and feel really self-conscious about it. But this kind of violent rejection of someone over a total non-slight is a totally unintuitive response to that set of emotions, from my perspective. No matter how many times I read these I just don't get where anon is coming from, no matter much misogynistic baggage around women's sexuality they may be carrying.

And this bothers me because I really like to empathize with people, I really like to understand where people are coming from. But here I just don't, I don't get it. Can someone help me get this?

[sexhaver]

one of the funniest phenomenon from the dark ages of this website when it was even more common to post screenshots of 4chan posts (2013ish) is that sometimes someone would post a greentext that made some passing reference to "my wife's boyfriend" or "my wife's child", and people would unironically assume that the poster was in a polycule/open relationship and go "aww! so wholesome!" instead of correctly interpreting it as a joke about getting cuckolded that indicated the entire greentext was fake

[drbased]

I despise seeing greentext on my dash, I don't think people really comprehend the weight of how bad 4chan is. The nature of the site is that it self-selects for the lowest scum on the planet. It's been over a decade, admittedly, but I will never get over the fact that they troll boards with literal child pornography - if you have a conscience, like I did, you'd be put off after seeing it once, but these guys not only don't immediately click away but they stay there? That's highly suspect to me. It's been over a decade since I saw a CP image that's burned into my brain, and the 4channers I knew as a teen used to joke about 'cheese pizza'. Everyone had the suffix -fag, and women were referred to as 'cumdumpsters' - the one female channer I knew jokingly called herself that. 4chan is responsible for the rise of naziism, for huge harassment campaigns, for 'trolling' of dangerous fake life hacks. Nothing good seems to ever come out of there, and I don't trust a single person who ever posts there. These posts end up on radblr because the anonymous nature of the whole thing means that people forget that 9 times out of 10 this is absolutely a man posting. But I can't ever forget what I've seen, read and heard. So whenever I see a post with greentext, I always think, this is something that's come out of the mind of one of the worst men who's ever existed.