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whenlostinthedarkness · 1 year ago

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Chapter 2 | Part Two: Silk Chiffon

Lead Singer!Reader x Lead Guitarist!Ellie Williams

Summary: A smoke session in the hotel leads Reader & Ellie into a conversation about the past that affect their future.

Warnings: Sexual Content(f/f fingering, oral, and dry humping), and Infidelity.

WC: 5k

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has been reading this series so far & for the positive feedback 💜 Enjoy

Series Masterlist

"Do you ever think about us?”

Ellie's words echoed in your head like a prayer sung in a cathedral. Over and over and over.

“I uhm-I mean..”, you couldn't help but stutter.

Meanwhile, Ellie stifled a laugh as her eyes remained on the ceiling and her mind reveled in the amusing way you were reacting to her question. “You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to.”

Your pupils searched around the room as your hand came up to scratch against your bare arm. You needed something to tame the anxiety running marathons inside of you and your surroundings were the only thing you could use as a tool to calm it.

“I think about us.” Ellie said it so casually, you had to question if what you heard was real or a hallucination.

“What?”

Ellie's chin lowered, her eyes following along with the movement until they rested on you. “I think about us.”

She shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal, when in reality, what she was confessing to was something so thoroughly massive in your brain.

“In what way?”

Ellie’s eyes left yours as the confidence seemed to drain from her once sharp facial expression as she shrugged her shoulders. Suddenly, she grew shy at the thought of talking about your relationship together and how it still runs through her mind on a near daily basis.

The temperature seemed to rise in the hotel room even though a soft breeze was flowing freely through the window. Without a word, you turned to walk the short distance back to the couch and took a seat in the same spot you once occupied before; Ellie followed shortly after.

The strain in the room was severely obvious.

You presumed the only reason Ellie had asked a question like this or brought up this sort of conversation all together, was due to the fact that she was clearly very high and spaced out. Which, you weren't wrong about.

Ellie was indeed very high and sunken down deep in her mind as she dared to travel to the one set of memories that were usually barred with yellow caution tape. The memories always appeared so enticing and leaving her wanting to visit the scene of the crime again..but never being able to push herself fully over that barrier to engage with them.

Now, it was different. She was high, you were high, and a shared hotel room was proving to be a nudge in Ellie's rib as she became consumed with thoughts about something else. Someone else.

It was suddenly like you were a hyper fixation of hers that she was bursting at the seems to talk about, yet, she held it in. Instead, opting to keep quiet and let her thoughts be silent or get distracted by something else that wasn’t her life. Yeah - that's what she needed, a distraction.

“You still wanna watch that movie?” Ellie’s voice was so fucking soft yet at the same time very hoarse, it almost made you melt right then and there into the couch.

“Yeah,” you gulped, “anything in mind?”

“How about….”

Your finger aimlessly flipped through all of the options on the screen as Ellie scanned each of the selections until she found the winner.

“But I’m A Cheerleader- that one!”

You shook your head with an amused smile, "Typical".

“What?” Ellie's smile returned to her face as the room relaxed for the first time in several minutes.

“You’re just so predictable- that’s it”, you said playfully while shrugging your shoulders.

“It’s my favorite fucking movie. You should already know I’m biased to it.”

“Yeah yeah yeah.” you waved Ellie off as your thumb clicked a button on the remote that started the films opening scene to display on the large flat screen tv.

In her best efforts to fight off the chill in her body, Ellie grabbed the blanket she had packed along with her and spread it along the lower half of her body as she allowed herself to relax into the cushions.

“How old were you when you saw this for the first time?” You wondered as your eyes watched the cheerleaders twirling high up in the air as the camera panned to an up-skirt view.

“Too young.”

“Like how young?”

Ellie shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe like ten..eleven. Something like that.”

You nodded with wide eyes. “Damn, ten?”

Ellie chuckled at the disbelief in your voice. “Yep. One could say it was my gay awakening.”

“What about Princess Jasmine?”

“She’s different. She’s an angel and can do no wrong.”

A thunderous laugh left your lips which instantly made you slap a hand over your mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound.

“Plus, I was too young to understand I wanted to fuck Princess Jasmine so she doesn't count as my gay awakening.”

Ellie enjoyed your laugh, enjoyed it that much more when she was the one inducing it. It’s like she got a shot of pride directly injected into her veins whenever she could sprinkle a moment of joy or humor or any other emotion that made you feel good. She wanted to make you feel good always and would if you let her.

It's comical in a way. When Ellie was 19, it was as if she had to keep trying to convince herself that she didn't care about you nearly as much as she knew, deep down, she did. In fact, it was as if she was fucking up on a near consistent basis purely just to keep up the act that she was only caring about herself. If the act was more for you and the public, or herself, she wasn't sure. It only became more difficult for Ellie to keep up with this act the further and further you both got into your relationship.

When things were going really well between you both back in your college days, fuck, was it good. On the other hand, when things weren't going well, usually because of something Ellie did, they really weren't going well. It was almost like the good moments were a spotlight shedding on what could’ve been if you and Ellie both had been just a little bit older and more matured and established in yourselves. Sort of like how you both were now.

Yours & Ellie's conversation tapered off naturally as the both of you started watching the movie. Not that Ellie was having much luck in concentrating on the film.

You, on the other hand, were fully entranced on the current scene where the main characters, Megan & Graham, sneak off to have sex for the first time.

The film made it exceptionally pretty. The soft pink tones, the gentle touches, the intimate eye contact between the characters- it truly set the mood for what your first intimate experience with another girl felt like.

Your gaze was too concentrated on taking in all of the details in the movie, that your sober mind had never bothered to notice, that you missed the heavy gaze Ellie held on you as she moved her body slightly. Now, she was seated on the couch, but her body was twisted so she was facing directly towards you with her knees pulled up to her chest.

Eventually you caught on to Ellie's stare, nearly catching you off guard when your eyes met.

"You okay?"

Ellie didn't answer verbally, just opted for a nod as her mind was deep in thought. You mimicked her nod of the head and returned your eyes back to the movie while trying your best to ignore the heat from Ellie's eyes that you could feel were still concentrated on you.

"I miss you."

Your eyes returned to where they were moments ago as you looked into Ellie's green eyes. "We see each other like everyday Ellie."

Ellie nodded, "Yeah, but not like this. I feel like we are walking on eggshells together most of the time and now it just feels..I don't know. Natural. Like old times".

You knew exactly what Ellie meant. She was talking about how things were when you were dating, but now you were far from that and hadn't been even close to that for a couple years.

"I mean..things are different now."

"But why?”

You matched Ellie's position as you twisted your body to face hers. "What do you mean why Ellie. You know why."

Ellie knew you were right, yet there was some part of her that wished things between you both would've gone back to normal after your breakup. Surely wishing something like that was foolish, yet Ellie lived to be the fool.

"I just miss you."

"What things do you miss?" You asked genuinely as the movie now became background noise to the first conversation the both of you had really ever had regarding your past relationship.

Ellie's brain immediately went through film clip memories in her mind of all of your good times together. The late night escapades, the movie nights, the jam sessions, even the sex. It was all something that felt right and natural. Ellie missed all of that, and tonight was feeding a hunger for that feeling she wanted to have again with you. She didn't want it to stop.

"Shit like this..," Ellie shrugged, "..watching a movie, smoking weed, cuddling on the couch.."

Ellie's voice trailed off on the last part as if she were ashamed, which, in some ways she was. However the need for this feeling with you was outweighing any guilt that she could be feeling right now.

"The cuddling huh?", you teased with a warm smile. "Do you think that's a good idea? Cuddling?"

The answer was clear. You knew it, Ellie knew it, yet the both of your bodies somehow began to scoot closer and closer to one another.

"What's so wrong with cuddling?" Ellie asked with innocence which made you roll your eyes.

"I think you know why we can't cuddle Ellie."

By the time you finished your sentence, you and Ellie had hunched backs as you both naturally leaned in towards each other like metal to a magnet.

A heavy sigh fell from Ellie’s lips as she fought a battle within herself that she didn’t know the outcome of. That hunger, that want, that nostalgic feeling coming back was making her want to take in spoonful after spoonful of you and this feeling. On the other hand, she knew it was bad to even entertain such a concept.

She had a loving girlfriend at home that was great in every way possible, but why didn’t she make Ellie feel like this? She kept asking herself this question over and over. Until she couldn’t take it anymore. The two choices sit like two different entrees on fine china. Ellie’s mind kept going from one to the other, trying to decipher if she wanted normalcy or if she wanted you.

“Fuck it.”

A breath gasped out of your mouth and vibrated against Ellie’s lips as she held them against yours like her life depended on it.

Your first thought was shock, but relief soon chased it as you found yourself melting into the tender kiss.

One of Ellie’s hands went up to cup the side of your face as your mouths continued moving slowly against one another’s. It felt so sweetly familiar.

For a second, you were nineteen again and kissing your college roommate for the very first time. The pent up tension and feelings were coming to fruition and that similar sense of relief that you felt when you were 19 was present in this very room as Ellie cradled you in her arms with a grip that held a fear of you trying to leave.

What Ellie didn’t know is that you too had an appetite for this sorta of feeling and you weren’t planning on cutting it off anytime soon. At least not tonight.

Ellie's girlfriend wasn't a thought in your mind or hers as you instinctually moved into Ellie's lap to straddle her waist. Both of your lips moved fervently against the other as tongues collided and saliva coated both your mouths like a shiny clear gloss.

Everything felt second nature and habitual. The way one of Ellie's hands gripped your waist tightly as she pulled you as close to her chest as possible, and the other rested at the swell of your ass. Natural.

The way one of your hands cupped the side of Ellie's face as you ground your hips down towards her; so fucking natural.

Ellie let out a groan at the friction as she tried to pull you tighter to her body, even if it was impossible for you both to get any closer. Her strong grip on your hips was enough to have you mewling into her mouth which only made Ellie feel more starved and deprived of your alluring noises, the warmth of your skin, and the way your mouth fit against hers like the missing puzzle piece that had been brushed under the couch for ages. It was a sensory overload that you both had missed and craved, yet suppressed time and time again - and for what reason?

At this very moment, everything else was quiet and nonexistent. All that was in both of your worlds right now was two past lovers who desperately needed one another.

Ellie allowed you to gently push her to fall backwards so her back rested on the couch as she gazed up at you sitting on top of her.

The quiet and stillness suddenly made everything stop. The eye of the tornado had passed and now it was stillness- A calm just after a storm that caused a kind of damage that could destroy towns.

Ellie mimicked your heaving chest and wide eyed gaze as you stared down at her and she stared up at you. Images of her girlfriend were now flickering through her mind, yet her hands never even thought about straying away from your hips.

As much as this moment was a moral battle for Ellie, there was also a sense of comfort in the familiarity that was your legs resting on either side of her.

Silently, your eyes made a treaty with one another that spoke of consent and allowing whatever happens, to happen but that didn't make you any less hesitant. You had nothing to lose, but Ellie had an entire relationship to lose.

You both could stop the betrayal with just a kiss - you both should stop the betrayal with just a kiss.

Yet still, Ellie nodded as she sensed your hesitancy. She wanted you to know that she knew exactly what you were thinking and feeling and still she wanted this so incredibly bad. Who were you to deny that you wanted the same exact thing when it was consenting right in front of you?

You couldn't nod any quicker and Ellie couldn't move any slower as her hands squeezed your hips in a nearly feral manor. This made you smile and feel a sense of shyness as Ellie looked at you as if you were the Mona Lisa in the flesh.

Gently, Ellie's hips rose up off of the couch to collide with your center, making you bite your lip as you brought both of your palms to rest on top of Ellie's stomach.

Your eyes remained fixed on her as you bent the upper half of your body downwards towards Ellie; your hands sliding all the way up to her shoulders as you did so.

You were now hovering directly above her like a mobile above a babies crib. Ellie's tongue wet her lips as she looked at you as if you were a meal she had been starved of for years, which you had been, but all by choice.

In a challenging nature, you ground your hips down onto Ellie's. Her eyes squinted harshly at the interaction as she slid her hands down so she could unashamedly knead your ass.

Your faces were so close together that both of your breaths were hitting the other with a vapor of warmth that was charged with anticipation and excitement. Ellie was finding it all torturous.

"Please."

Her voice was so quiet it was nearly drowned out due to the audio from the movie, but your focus was on her and only her. You heard her perfectly clear.

"Please what?" You questioned knowing damn well you speaking would lightly brush your lips against Ellie's as you remained hovering above her.

Ellie let out a groan paired with a rolling pair of eyes as she squeezed your ass harder in the hopes that would get her message across...but she should know you better.

"I'm afraid you're going to have to use your words El."

You wore a near devious smile as you turned your face to the side, allowing your mouth to graze along the skin of her freckled cheeks and travel downwards towards her neck.

The tingling feeling made Ellie shiver the closer you got to that euphoric spot just below her ear and when your lips did finally meet that thin layer of skin, you paused entirely, making Ellie huff out of frustration and neediness. You found it all very amusing as your lips continued ghosting along.

“Are you not having fun?”

All Ellie could manage to do was sigh loudly which seemed to spur you on even more.

“Awe you don’t seem like you’re having fun.” You sealed your sentence with a severely light peck to her neck in the exact place she wanted, making Ellie’s hands squeeze your ass again as her eyes began to close. “Then again, maybe you are.”

“Shut up.”

Suddenly, Ellie sat up, forcing your body to sit up along with hers. She wrapped one of her arms around your waist and firmly held you against her as she swapped your position with hers. Now, Ellie was above you and moving quickly to take off her hoodie.

You laid in awe as you took in the view before you. Ellie in a white tank top with messy hair that was stuck up in multiple places, yet the image was as close to the past as it could get in your mind. Except now it was fast forwarded a couple years- Ellie’s facial bone structure was more pronounced, her upper body was more lean and muscular, and her eyes had dark gray underneath them from exhaustion, yet you felt like it complimented the green in the nicest way.

Once again, silence consumed the room, even as Ellie lowered herself downwards and kissed you without warning-not that you needed one.

From here, the race began.

In contrast to earlier, both of your locked lips were desperate and chasing one another. Saliva began dripping along the sides of Ellie’s mouth as she left open mouthed, gasp filled kisses that only separated when she desperately needed to have your bare skin touching hers.

Quickly, Ellie moved to rest inbetween your legs before her fingers found the hem of your flimsy t-shirt. The further the material moved upwards, the more present the urgency was as you assisted Ellie in lifting the material the remainder of the way up until you were tossing it on the floor.

You swore you saw Ellie’s eyes pop out of her head when your bare chest was on full display for her to indulge herself in shamelessly-and shamelessly she did.

A guttural noise came straight from her chest as Ellie’s hands moved to squeeze your tits together, making you lull your head to the side out of sheer pleasure.

“Ellie,” you whined, making that same noise slip off of Ellie’s tongue as she moved her face and began furiously kissing along your collarbones.

Her tongue glided along your skin, leaving trails of wetness in her path, until she got to the place her mouth had been watering for.

Your nipple felt velvety against her tongue as she lapped it up using various circular movements. This feeling used to be a phantom, but now it was in the flesh and she couldn’t believe she had been depriving herself of the delicacy that was you for all these years.

Your fingers twirled the hairs that sat along the back of Ellie’s neck, occasionally pulling them whenever she hit a particularly heavenly spot. Ellie gently grazed her teeth along your nipple while her other hand stayed firmly placed on your ribcage- half in order to keep her own balance, the other half just so she had an excuse to be touching you with every limb that she had.

Ellie began sucking on your nipple and you couldn’t help but arch your back off of the couch, naturally making yours and Ellie’s centers grind against one another. Clearly Ellie was enjoying the friction-and so were you-as she continued sucking even more harshly on your nipple, just the way she remembered you liking it.

By now, you were dripping wet as the currents of pleasure, from the friction and Ellie’s mouth, had you rocking your hips against Ellie as you searched for any sort of abrasion in order to ease the pressure that was weighing heavy on your clit.

“Take this off, you spoke through heavy breaths as your hands moved to the back of Ellie’s shirt. You were tempted to just start taking it off yourself, but you were still hesitant in whatever was happening between the both of you and the only thing that was reassuring you it was okay was Ellie giving her consent.

Ellie swiftly moved upwards and discarded her shirt so it met yours on the floor-a silent consent. Now, the both of you were matching with bare chests exposed to one another.

The moment Ellie moved back down to kiss you again, both of your bodies began sinking up in a rhythm that was getting both of you equally worked up. Ellie’s hand moved to your thigh and lifted your leg up to her hip as she ground her hips down against yours again, but this time with much more access and ability to move against one another with an added pressure.

While the both of you continued fucking with clothes on, Ellie’s hand had managed to slink in between both of you. Her fingertips pressed firmly against your clothed center, feeling the slightest bit of wetness that she was hoping she would find seeping through the thin cotton of your sleep pants.

In unison, you both made a noise of pleasure as Ellie continued rubbing along your clothed core, until you gave her bicep a squeeze.

Ellie released the suction of her lips against yours and peered down at you with a cautious facial expression. “You okay?”

You smiled slightly at the worried expression on Ellie’s face and nodded. “Yeah, I'm good. Really good.”

Ellie’s eyebrows relaxed from their tense state, yet she was still confused. “Are you sure this is okay?”

You shrugged as your eyes averted from Ellie’s worried look. “I think that’s a question you should be asking yourself, not me.”

There was that reminder again about how wrong this situation was, but how could something that’s so wrong feel so incredibly right to Ellie?

Silently, Ellie’s mouth moved to your neck as her hands went to rest along either side of your body. “The only thing I'm thinking about right now is how you taste.”

Her lips left a long kiss to your neck as your eyes nearly rolled to the very back of your head as she did so. “Take off my pants then.”Ellie snickered at your confidence as she obeyed your command.

She maneuvered her body so she was sitting back on her knees-her hands were quick to reach the top of your pajama pants and shed your lower half of it’s top layer.

“God damn,” Ellie sighed words that were meant to be internal, but at the sight of the dark spot that was gathering in the center of your panties, she just couldn’t help herself.

As much as she wanted to enjoy this moment and take her time, Ellie also couldn’t fight off her primitive urge to have your cunt on her mouth.

Swiftly, Ellie’s thumbs hooked on the sides of your panties; you raised your hips upwards to assist her in fully discarding the material off of your legs.

The natural scent of your pussy filled Ellie’s nostrils as she felt her heart start to speed up. Her hands were quick in moving to wrap around your thighs as she settled her face so that it was just above your warm and visibly wet center.

Ellie started off with slow kisses to your inner thighs and lower stomach,trying once again to take her time, until she physically couldn’t take it anymore.

Her teeth sunk into your thigh, making one of your hands raise up to rest on the back of her head and your crotch raise up to move along Ellie’s face.

Ellie’s tongue moved along her lips-the faintest taste of your wetness hitting Ellie’s taste buds for the first time in years. She was desperate now.

Her face moved down, pressing a long lick to your center and allowing you and her to both have some relief from the built up tension. She found herself humming in satisfaction as her tongue peaked out to gently lay flat along your dripping clit, causing you to jerk your body upwards from the sensitivity that was already very prominent. Ellie bared her teeth in a grin before she went back for more.

Ellie’s tongue made out with your cunt as she gave you the sloppiest, messiest head of her life. Your wetness mixed with her saliva as it dripped down her chin while she licked up your center faster and faster with each lick.

Your hand squeezed her brown locks as Ellie wrapped her lips around your clit, sucking it with all the pressure she could muster up before popping it out of her mouth.

Her eyes would briefly glance up at you to watch your every facial expression and bodily reaction to make sure she was hitting every spot that once drove you wild; she was happy to know your body was still a well read book in her library.

Ellie’s tongue went back to give quick, but long licks to your cunt, making sure to leave more pressure then the next. One of her hands moved to your inner thigh and pressed it down gently to ensure you were keeping your legs fully wide open for her, especially when her lips would take a break from the licking and go back to suck on your clit again and again and again.

You could feel the warm tension in your lower abdomen spreading throughout your body as you fully allowed your voice to moan and groan out whatever words came to mind that would accurately describe the ecstatic feeling that Ellie was putting on you.

“’m so close,” you whined as you subconsciously squeezed Ellie’s hair in your hand even more as you tried your best to keep your eyes open so you could watch the way Ellie looked in between your legs.

At your confession, Ellie began to slow down. Infact, her tongue was licking along your slit, but purposefully not putting too much emphasis on your clit because she knew you would be coming undone all over her tongue if she did.

As tempting as all of that sounded to her, she hadn’t even had her fingers inside of you yet.

Your eyes squinted as you watched Ellie’s tongue as it moved tantalizingly slow. By the way the corner of Ellie’s eyes were pinched, you knew she was smiling deviously even though her full face blocked as her tongue dragged up and down your cunt.

Her eyes looked straight into yours as her mouth disconnected from your center. A line of spit connected the both of you before Ellie wiped her lips with her thumb. With that same thumb, Ellie glided slowly along your cunt as the severity of your wetness made a squelching noise that had Ellie regretting she had ever removed her mouth from you.

Ellie’s teasing had you making noises as if you were a new born baby crying out for its mom. Begging and pleading and writhing so you could have your way, but Ellie wasn’t having any of it, she was much too entertained by how you were acting.

“What’s wrong?”

All you could do is respond with a whiny tone as her thumb dipped inside of your cunt for a brief second that didn’t last nearly as long as you needed it to.

“You like that? You want my fingers inside of you?”

Your nodding was so quick, it made your entire head vibrate. Ellie snickered with amusement as she watched you grinding yourself down onto her fingers that were beginning to pick up speed as they rubbed along your pussy.

“God you’re so hot.” Ellie’s eyes were super glued to your lower half as she watched the way your hips rolled into her hand, leaving your wetness to glisten on her fingers. She could only imagine how good you’d look riding her fingers like this.

The next time your body ground down, Ellie tested the waters by slipping the tip of her middle finger inside of you with ease, thanks to your wetness. Your little, bitchy whines were enough of an answer for her to proceed, But first Ellie wanted to take you to bed and ensure she had enough room to properly fuck you into oblivion.

At the disappearance of her fingers, you looked down with a mix of anger and shock. However, Ellie was quick to give clarification as she stood up from the couch with her hand outstretched towards you as she nodded in the direction of her bed.

You nibbled on your lower lip as you placed your hand in Ellie’s palm, just before she assisted in getting you to a standing position.

And from there, everything felt like a blur.

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wrrrenff · 1 year ago

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Morning Music

Mystic Messenger Zen x F! Reader Synopsis: You woke up before Zen that morning and decided to make breakfast. Warnings: none Gif credits to the creator!

You and Zen have been together for about a year, and you were loving every single second. You and Zen were both constantly doing things and finding out information about each other that just made you both fall that much more in love with each other. The moment you appeared in the R.F.A. Chatroom all that time ago and started talking with the scarlet eyed man, you felt such a strong connection to him. You could tell he felt it too.

After about 4 months into your relationship, you decided to move out of Rika's old apartment and move in with Zen. At that point you had stayed overnight at his place most of the time so it was only natural. Over time, you and Zen started seeing new sides to each other, you even started to pick up each others habits. They just made you both fall even deeper in love. Just like this particular morning.

You and Zen went long and hard last night causing you both to sleep in, something quite rare for the both of you. Zen usually woke early to get a start on his daily exercise and you are just naturally an early riser. This morning you woke up before Zen. God is he a gorgeous sleeper. The sun shining on his face perfectly and complementing his chiseled features nicely. You could sit in bed and just stare at him for hours.

After contemplating whether or not to get up, you decided it would be best to make you both some breakfast. So, you got up, slipped on a baggy tee shirt, your favorite pajama pants with the ducks on them, and put your hair up into a quick messy bun.

Zen is a pretty heavy sleeper so you decided to put on some music while whipping up your meal. As you started to prep your ingredients you started to sing along to the song coming from your phone. It was your favorite song after all, how could you not? Usually you didn't sing around the house. Zen is such an amazing singer that you felt nervous singing around him. You didn't have a bad voice but it was nowhere near the angelic notes that danced out of him. As crazy as it seemed, you were scared Zen would judge your voice, so you only ever hummed around him and sang when he was out for work. You were in your own world, chopping veggies for your breakfast, singing, and dancing that your were completely unaware of the silver haired man watching you.

Zen stirred from his slumber by the sound of a pan clanging in the kitchen. When he noticed you weren't in bed with him, he got up to look for you. As he left the bedroom, the image he was met with took him by surprise. As his eyes met the scene he couldn't help the toothy grin from appearing on his face. You were quite a sight to take in after all.

Zen was going to greet you but stopped, wanting to take in the moment. His eyes grew large at the sound of you singing. He could have sworn he had heard your singing voice before, but as he scanned his memories he came up short.

“Wow! She sounds great! Why has she never sung around me before” He thought.

His heart felt full at the moment. Your (h/c) hair in its disheveled bun, your big shirt and pajamas that made you look so tiny, and the radiant smile as you sang. He couldn't believe he was dating such an amazing woman. He was so tempted to get his phone to record this moment, but decided against it to avoid potentially getting caught. Instead, he just stood there savoring it all. Every time you did a little dance, when you pretended that the wooden spoon in your hand was a microphone, and even the little faces you made when trying to hit certain notes just made him completely smitten. He couldn't sit and watch anymore.

As you were in the zone, practically putting on your own private concert, your eyes grew with shock as you heard a booming voice joining you in song. Quickly, you spun around finding Zen waltzing in with a giant goofy smile on his face as he sung with you.

“Zen! You scared me! Oh no, did I wake you? Was I being too loud” You got anxious wondering how much of your one woman show he had seen.

“Not at all. Besides, you put on quite the show.”

“Oh no.” You thought as you suddenly felt your face start to burn.

“Say, jagi, how come you never told me you could sing?”

“W-what? I can't sing at all. I s-sound like a dead cat!” You playfully smacked his arm.

A confused look grew on Zen's face. “Are you kidding? Your voice was great! And don't even get me started on those adorable moves you've got.”

You buried you face in you hands. At this point you were sure your face was as red as a tomato.

“I know it sounds dumb b-but I'm embarrassed to sing in front of you.” You went to look at Zen, but as soon as your eyes met his, you averted your gaze. Zen couldn't believe what he just heard. He would never judge you about anything. Nothing you do could make him love you any less than he did.

Zen let out a small laugh and lifted your head from your hands so that he could look you in the eyes “Jagi, your voice is beautiful. And even if you did sound like a dead cat, I would still want to hear it and duet with you every single time.”

God you love this man. How did you get so lucky. You knew it was stupid to think the way you did but he knew just how to erase any doubts you might have had. You quickly pulled him into a tight embrace, followed by a passionate kiss.

“Your the best, you know that. I can't wait to share many a duet with you, my love”

“And I you.” You kissed once again, both of you feeling the love you share for each other pouring out of you. You then went back to cooking, Zen helping as best he could even though you already had most of it prepared, and you both broke out into song and dance once again. You could believe how much this man loved you, but you wouldn't trade him or his love for anything in the world.

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tzyuki · 1 year ago

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[ 박성훈 ] THE WAY THINGS GO ꒰ P.SH x F!READER

03. anti-hoon parade

SUNG HANBIN ˚. ᯇ @Dance

a barista that works at his moms cafe, a lot of campus kids get their daily caffeine there. he and hao are pretty close, close enough that many think they are together. (they definitely are). he is an excellent dancer that specializes in tutting and waacking.

NAOI REI ˚. ᯇ @Buisness

adds “girl” in front of any word. she romanticizes literally ANYTHING just to make life better. she met sunghoon through their mutual friend Riki. Riki and Rei met at Hanlim Arts when they both stayed at the dorms.

DEW JIRAWAT ˚. ᯇ @Acting

on the down low has a FAT crush on jane. literally loves cats with his whole heart 💓💓💓💓usually spews some random shit out of his mouth and blames it on the fact that he’s impulsive but in reality he just talks to talk. he is supes passionate about acting and loves when sunoo always asks him to feature in his upcoming works.

m.list

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kilikina34512 · 2 years ago

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Perfect

Let me preface this story by saying that I'm well aware that Ed Sheeran's song Perfect was not written or sung anywhere near the 40s. I'm taking creative liberties here. Divider courtesy of @firefly-graphics. Make sure to check them out!

Pairing: Winter Soldier Bucky x f!reader

Summary: After crashing into the ice together, you and Steve worked together as best friends and Avengers in the 21st century. The both of you, though, had left a piece of you behind in the past: his best friend and the love of your life. When you're stuck facing off against HYDRA's weapon, the Winter Solider, you discover the past may not have stayed there.

Warnings: bit of angst with HEA, violence (non-descript), fluff at the end

Word Count: 1,296

"Doll!"

The yell came from a concerned Steve, who was currently trying to make his way to you but was being held up by fighting three HYDRA soldiers at once. Yet, despite the fight happening around him, in the back of your mind, you couldn't be surprised that he still had an eye on you.

He'd made a promise to his best friend to watch over you after all.

Which he was no doubt kicking himself for not upholding as you were currently pinned underneath one of the worse HYDRA soldiers: the Winter Soldier. Both hands wrapped around your throat, you felt your air beginning to become restricted, causing a moment for your brain to flash back to an alley beside a bar in Germany about 70 years ago with a pair of blue eyes and a raspy voice in your ear whispering that he'd make sure you couldn't alert the fellow soldiers inside how good you could take him.

You were quickly pulled out of the memory, ignoring the pulsing pain in your heart, as you realized you couldn't breathe at all anymore. Despite your body reflexively trying to suck in as much oxygen as it couldn't get, you still caught the soldier off guard as you slammed your fist into the side of his head, knocking him off of you.

Rolling to the side and rising to your feet fast as you regained your breath, you felt the large, reassuring hand against your upper back. "You alright," Steve asked, concern in his voice as neither of you took your eyes off of the enemy in front of you. You confirmed you were as you watched the Winter Soldier rise to his feet, his back to you and the mask he'd been wearing at his feet where you'd caused it to come off with your hit.

Sliding a foot behind you, settling quickly into your fighting stance, ready for him to come for either of you again, you couldn't help but stare at the back of his head. Another memory flashed before your eyes, as they seemed to be doing ever since HYDRA's weapon had landed in front of the sedan you'd been traveling in. That shoulder-length hair, the same brunette color that you grabbed countless times whenever it was between your thighs.

You shook your head, dislodging the memory. You knew after this fight, you'd have a good cry session after you pounded your way through Steve's stack of punching bags. You couldn't escape reminders of your fiancé, something you'd thought you'd gotten good at handling, but then you weren't typically facing constant flashbacks like you were currently. You could usually handle a flashback here and there, now that time and therapy had allowed you to escape experiencing them daily, but nothing ever took away the pain or hollow hole in your chest that his death had left. Despite that, you'd reached a point of handling just about anything.

Nothing could've prepared you for the next few moments.

You lost all composure as the Winter Soldier turned to face you and Steve. You weren't sure if your heart stopped altogether or began beating faster than it ever has before. Your surroundings faded as all you could suddenly hear was the roaring in your ears of your own blood. Your lungs seized as if you were being deprived of oxygen all over again and you were sure your eyes were wrong.

Your eyes had to be wrong.

He was dead.

Steve stepped forward, and if you'd been able to tear your eyes away, you would've seen a level of shock on his face that mirrored your own as he quietly said, "Bucky?"

Oh, lord above. It was him. He was alive. Your eyes weren't wrong.

It was your Bucky. Your soulmate. Your fiancé.

Unexplainable joy filled your body before it was almost completely drained with the words that left his mouth.

"Who the hell is Bucky?"

The Winter Soldier, who apparently was Bucky, launched his attack, but you couldn't move. It wasn't until the sound of his metal fist, oh lord above he had a metal prosthetic and you were going to have to process the millions of scenarios that could've caused that to happen later, collided with Steve's vibranium shield that you snapped out of the shocked daze you'd been stuck in seeing the love of your life standing in front of you, looking as young and Steve and you appeared.

You were prepared this time when he came for you and you successfully blocked him. The three of you continued to be locked in combat as Bucky stayed on the offense, neither you nor Steve being able to bring yourselves to harm him. Steve stayed focused on trying to keep the both of you from getting hurt, especially once Bucky pulled out a knife, but you couldn't stop trying to get him to snap out of whatever trance had him in its grip.

No amount of pleas, begging, or reminders of his past seemed to be getting through to him. "Bucky, please, I know you're in there," you cried as you jumped between the once best friends after Bucky kicked into the side of a truck. "I know you are, come back to me." As Bucky's gaze shifted back to you, you continued, "I lost you once, I will not give you up again."

That was the first falter you saw in his behavior.

For a second, he froze. A look of confusion crossed his face and you were suddenly struck with an idea.

You put a hand up, signaling to Steve to wait, and you started to sing. "'Cause we were still kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was. I will not give you up, this time."

In your peripheral vision, you saw Sam, who'd been fighting as well, land beside Steve. "What is she doing," he asked skeptically. His displeasure was obvious since Bucky was slowly approaching you, but Steve wasn't intervening and you were singing of all things.

Steve, catching on, said, "Just wait and see, I think she's getting through."

"But darling, just kiss me slow," you continued, "your heart is all I own, and in your eyes you're holding mine."

Bucky took his final step, standing in front of you, watching you sing with rapt attention. His eyes flickered as if recognition was dawning. Music seemed to be helping him regain control.

"Baby, I'm," you began the chorus alone, but as you continued, Bucky joined in, "dancing in the dark." Floored that he was singing back, his raspy voice low as it always was when you sang together, you were stunned silent as he continued, eyes locked on yours.

"With you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass while listening to our favorite song." You couldn't resist reaching for him anymore. Slowly, you raised your hand until it rested against his cheek. He didn't move, but his eyes shuttered closed.

"When you said you looked a mess," you rejoined, singing together just like you had decades ago before the war, "I whispered underneath my breath but you heard it. Darling, you look perfect tonight."

His eyes slowly opened and you were met with love and affection. "My Doll," he breathed, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you against him and clinging to you as if you'd disappear if he did. You couldn't control the sob of both loss and joy as you truly began to believe you had the love of your life again.

As you stood amongst the distraction around you, with Steve and Sam watching not far, you didn't know what the future was going to hold, what happened to your Bucky in the past, but at that moment in the present, everything was okay. And you planned to do everything to make sure this second chance at a happy future wasn't lost again.

#bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #james bucky barnes #winter soldier #slight angst #angst with a happy ending #fluff #bucky fluff

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junnieverse · 1 year ago

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✧ Z E R O B A S E O N E ! MASTERLIST

( 제로베이스원 )

ꕥ KEY !

— fluff (f.), angst (a.), suggestive (sg.), crack (c.), reaction (r.), headcanon (hc.), timestamp (ts.), oneshots (o.), series (s.), social media au (sm.), favourite (fav.)

─── OT9 !

❥ love tropes (hc.)(f.)

❥ boyfriend habits (f.)(hc.)

─── SUNG HANBIN !

❥ 9:37 am (f.)(ts.)(o.)

❥ daily boyfriend texts (sm.)(f.)(c.)

─── KIM JIWOONG !

❥ without me (o.)(a.)

─── ZHANG HAO !

⌕ info loading...

─── SEOK MATTHEW !

❥ rainy day (f.)(c.)(o.)

─── KIM TAERAE !

⌕ info loading...

─── SHEN RICKY !

⌕ info loading...

─── KIM GYUVIN !

❥ daily best friend texts (sm.)(c.)(f.)

─── PARK GUNWOOK !

❥ pov (f.)(o.)

─── HAN YUJIN !

⌕ info loading...

#junnieverse.nav #zerobaseone #zb1 #kpop #zb1 x reader #zerobaseone x reader #zerose #zerobaseone masterlist #zb1 masterlist

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zephyrine-tale-archived · 1 year ago

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Thank you for showing me the project sekai facts but sincerely what the juice

It's a really good game teehee :3 let me try and provide context for the ones i understand

-a character can see ghosts. this is never elaborated on (fuck i dont remember lmao. is it mafuyu?? maybe. oh well i cant elaborate on this lol)

-all main characters can teleport to a separate dimension based on their psyches and also hatsune miku is in there (this is the plot of the game! :3)

-a girl imagines her female friend kissing her and gets so flustered those around her are concerned (she rizzes her up good. also she saves her from dying. they also get married canonically sort of <3)

-a song very explicitly about having sex with men, originally sung by all women, is covered by all men (ifuudoudou akty/fantasista squad cover <3 lmao)

-actually correct me if I'm wrong I can't think of a single love song that is covered by an m/f pairing (WRONG akian gimme x gimme)

-a character causes explosions at school near daily (this guy is an inventor and he's Very Silly)

-a character is sad her friends don't go to the same school as her so her solution is to sprint across the entire city and break into their school to hang out. she does this frequently (EMU OTORI!! shes very hyper and yeah her green haired gamer gf questions it and her orange haired world future star ⭐️ bf also sometimes question it but the previous silly guy she is also dating and they cause chaos together)

-a group gets stranded on a deserted island (canon event, the character in the previous one happens to be a part of a family that owns a theme park! she does ambassadorial shows for said theme park and on the way to one their yacht crashed on a deserted island)

-hatsune miku stops a suicide attempt (this girl who lost herself due to severe emotional abuse and manipulation from her mother tried to strand herself in one of the previously mentioned worlds created from psyches, but miku saves her)

-a highschooler makes a borderline if not outright sapient robotic replica of his childhood friend. nobody considers this a particularly world shattering achievement of ai (this is the guy who blows stuff up)

-the robot was created to help with social anxiety/stage fright (the girl is very social anxiety!! she is an INCREDIBLE singer but due to failing in the past, she cant sing in front of others so she uses the doll)

-the robot has rocket launchers (what can i say the guy who made it is very silly)

-the robot has a job as a theme park performer and gets a salary (yeah)

-a characters family member is dead and it takes her three years to find out (light up the fire... eughh.... not much context honestly it is what it is)

-a character has a body guard dressed in a full mascot costume at all times follow her around (she's the girl whose family owns the theme park! she must be protecc lol)

-a character got into fights with professional wrestlers on tv as a middle schooler/high schooler (not sure the exact age) (i actually have no fucking idea who this is lol)

-there's official sonic collaboration costumes (yep, theyre called Sonic Style)

-fuck is said three times and it's all by members of the theme park troupe that performs for children (indeed! law-evading rock twice and ego rock)

-catgirl hatsune miku almost impales a man without realizing it (they do a magic show in which the man went into a box which was supposed to be stabbed with three swords. but uh oh oopsies miku accidentally uses all five)

-sometimes miku is a catgirl (this is true. one of the mikus has raccoon ear things)

original list by @/lagomoz

somehow i feel like this only made more questions for you but oh well <3

#project sekai #prsk #colorful stage #memes #im not tagging everything lmao

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nervouscloudtheorist · 8 months ago

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April 11th 2024

Dear Diary,

I must be really good at gardening now because when I woke up this morning and looked at my rose garden and saw that I now have pink roses!! I wonder if there will be other colors. I must try to get them all.

Also a new person moved into to town. I haven't met them yet since I am reading up on gardening but Isabelle mentioned that their name is Kitt. I wonder what kind of person they are. I will make sure that I meet them tomorrow. Maybe I will show them my rose garden!

I think Clay may have lied to me also because I have not been able to find a single Gyroid. Either they are harder to find than fossils or they do not exist. I don't want to think Clay would lie to me but I worry since he seems to still struggle with my name. Everyone else seems to have grasped it. I don't even think my name is that complicated. It's only like 4 letters. F-I-N-N finn. I'm starting to wonder, is Clay really even my friend? I shouldn't think like that though, after all I was the one who moved into his town. I'm the stranger here really. Isabelle says that I should just give him presents to try to help him remember. but I feel like I shouldn't have to do that.

I'm getting distracted.

Anyways I did my daily shopping and bought a new washer/dryer combo and a classic couch from Tommy! It was shortly after buying them though, I realized that my house was much too small for those things and I had to put them up for sale at Re-Tail. I don't think I mentioned it but Reese allows me to go and sell items in her store as well. Like she won't just buy them from me but instead the townspeople can buy it from her on my behalf and she will just give me the money. This works really well for me cause then I don't have to keep an eye on them myself.

Sable's Clothing didn't really have anything for sale. I am really worried I'm going to be stuck wearing Khakis for a while and while they are good for my Mayoral look, they are not flattering on me at all. The fact that I am wearing a parka and a bunny hood with it does not help either. If only we had like a more fashionable shop where I could get the latest fashions. But that's going to be a long shot to get in this town since it seems like it's been neglected for a while.

I also decided tonight that I was going to take Tortimer up on his offer and go to the Island. I inivted Isabelle to go with me since I really didn't want to go alone but she said she had too many things to catch up on and a lot of paperwork to do. I don't know if that's really the truth because I don't personally have anything to do in this town but maybe that's because she does all the behind the scenes work? I dunno. Regardless I was going to Tortimer's island alone. I went to the dock where Tortimer told me that a boat would be starting today and there was a boat and a Kappa.

I had never seen a Kappa in real life so to say I was shocked would be an understatement. He told me that his name was Kapp'n and that he would take me to the island for a round-trip fee of 1,000 bells. I wish Tortimer would have told me this when he was telling me about the island because that is a steep price to play when I don't have a reliable income.

I paid the fee, mostly because I wanted to see the big deal about the island, and got on the boat. Kapp'n sung the entire time and between us, he's really bad at it. His songs were good but his voice just was not appealing to me. I guess it is good that he is enjoying himself though so I kept my thoughts to myself and just let him sing his heart out.

It was really really warm on the island. Tortimer was not lying when he said that it was a tropical island. They also had mangoes and coconuts all over! I wanted to take some home but got worried because I could really only carry so much in my hands. There was a nice lady there who I could only assume was Kapp'n's wife. She was really sweet and let me know that there was a box I could put all my things from the Island in and that Kapp'n would make sure that they got shipped to the town. I think the entire resort is run by Kapp'n's family which is really sweet. I wish that I was still around my family...

I also learned that this place doesn't take bells either and that I have to earn medals from doing island tours before they will sell me anything. Between the medals and meow coupons I feel like the 3 places should just have the universal bell currency but I suppose to each their own.

Anyways I spent a long time on the island fishing and catching exotic bugs. Probably too much time honestly, because I am too tired to continue on so I will call this a night.

Goodnight!

-Finn

#animal crossing #journals #nintendo #new leaf #acnl #journaling #creative writing #writing

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thecoddaughter · 2 years ago

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Lungs by F&TM as Empires S1 Characters

*disclaimer I only have watched a few perspectives so they are biased around those characters and those characters interactions and the wiki page*

*also this is a longer album than I thought, so this is a LONG post (hence collapsed post) and there are some character repeats*

Dog Days Are Over - The Ocean Queen

This song reminds me of what her mindset would be like while losing her memory

Rabbit Heart - Gem the Wizard

We’ve been over this one, there's a beautiful piece of art by @happyrome0 for the cover <3

I’m Not Calling You a Liar - The Copper King

Idk why really, kinda because of the cod alliance but befriending the twins. Not really his mindset, but what people think about him? Again, not really sure.

Howl - Shrub Berry

Her whole wolf vibe kinda falls under this song. "If you could only see the beast you made me" and "Like some child processed, the beast howls in my veins"

[note: this song immediately makes me think of Flower Husbands, but the context isn’t in this universe {“be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers’}]

Kiss With a Fist - Emperor Joey

I feel like I don’t need to explain this one… but I will with one word: Xornoth

Girl With One Eye - Dark King Sausage

Um, I am just gonna leave this quote “I took it home and watched it wither and die” and “my reputation's kinda clouded with dirt”

Drumming Song - The Codfather

I feel like it could be about the Cod constantly talking to him and his inevitable destiny, also “as the water fills my mouth, it couldn’t wash the echoes out”

Between Two Lungs - The Mezalean King and The Ocean Queen

This song gives soulmates vibes and those two are forever married in every universe (even when they aren’t)

Cosmic Love - The Mezalean King and The Ocean Queen (again...)

After the memory lose… sorry

[note: there are a lot of love songs on this album (some can be made platonic or singular) but I only ship like 3 s1 ships...)

My Boy Builds Coffins - Lady Katherine

Totally not bc I couldn’t think of any other song for her… totally… anyway next song! No but seriously, it fits her head-collector vibe a bit.

[Note 1: I was gonna make this the biggest supplier of wood but Joey is the only one who exported wood according to the wiki and the vibes didn’t fit]

[Note 2: I thought the lyrics were ‘my brother’ not ‘my boy builds’ for a good few weeks]

Hurricane Drunk - The Codfather

This is how I imagine Jimmy would’ve reacted to Scott being a part of the Wither Rose Alliance. 1. the water metaphors (which this album has a lot of!) 2. this quote "And in the crowd, I see you with someone else. I brace myself cause I know its gonna hurt but I like to think at least things can't get any worse"

Blinding - King Scott of Rivendell

He's just a guy living in the wrong time, not getting to be with the boy he loves… “no more calling like a crow, for a boy, for a body in the garden” Come on that’s flower husbands! But also his pov of the rapture is captured in this line "And I would hear the thunder and see the lightning crack and all around the world was waking, I never could go back." !!!!!

You’ve Got the Love - The Codfather

The date… “When food is gone you are my daily meal. When friends are gone, I know my savior's love is real”

Swimming - The Seablings

So this is before they remembered who they were and just that they felt like they were missing something.

Heavy in Your Arms - Count fWhip

I feel like this is what would play as fWhip found Sausage’s body in the Blood Circle and obviously blame himself… So technically it is sung from Sausage's POV. I am going to give big quotes for this one:

"And is it worth the wait, all this killing time? Are you strong enough to stand? Protecting both your heart and mine... Who is the betrayer? Who's the killer in the crowd? The one who creeps in corridors and doesn't make a sound."

"This will be my last confession 'I love you' never felt like any blessing. Whisper it is like it's a secret, only to condemn the one who hears it with a heavy heart."

[note: I wanted to say Jimmy cuz the river metaphor but as stated before there are a lot of water metaphors in this album]

Falling - Queen Pearl

The falling without fear metaphor reminds me of the Xornoth fights, but this line “This is a song for a scribbled out name and my love keeps writing again and again” reminds me of her feelings toward Sausage)

Are You Hurting the One You Love? - King Sausage

This feels just right… here are some of my favorite lines: “you say you’ve found Heaven, but you can’t find God” “bite your tongue til it tastes like blood” and “was it something you could not stop”)

Addicted to Love - Queen Pearl and King Sausage

All about Xornoth…

Pearl: “you like to think that you’re immune to this stuff. Its closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough.”

Sausage: “The lights are on, but you're not home. Your mind is not your own. Your heart sweats, your body shakes.”

Bird Song - The Codfather

This is about killing all the Cod and the Godfather head drama. Not sold on this one though, but it fits Jimmy's crazed and frantic tone when things go wrong.

[note: this song reminded me of Monster Hunter Katherine and I almost put that bc I had my seasons mixed up]

Hospital Beds - Queen Pearl and King Sausage

Oh, come on! The song is about fire and dying friends! “I did not choose him, he did not choose me. We have no chance of recovery” and “Put out the fire on us. Bring your buckets by the dozen.”

Hardest of Hearts - The Codfather and King Scott of Rivendell

This is all about love that hurts you because you are emotionally unavoidably (which is both of them). “the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste” “Darling heart I loved you from the start, but that’s no excuse for the state I’m in” and “my heart swells like the water at a wave, can’t stop myself before its too late”

#oh my god that took so long to make and format #empires smp #empires season 1 #esmp 1 #i am not tagging all the chacters guys #empires as songs #empires #empires s1

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baasthasthezoomies · 2 years ago

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So, I am maybe going through the Dark Night of the Soul here. Had a series of difficult things happen back-to-back-to-back starting in 2021.

First my mom died—long story… I partly blame Alex Jones for how she died

My father then had a full psychological collapse, stopped making ANY decisions (including whether to eat), lost 100lbs, and nearly died himself before I could get him in inpatient care

Kate, my love and partner in crime, was run off the road by a guy on meth and she was hospitalized. Thankfully she’s fine but it was scary and my car was totaled

My dad had 3 months of little improvement then finally underwent ECT (PSA: modern ECT is not the same as 1950s electro-shock therapy), which was MIRACULOUS and finally got him well enough to go home when nothing else worked

Street cat Van had a flareup of a spinal injury we didn’t know she had. She was in horrible pain and we thought she was dying

It took a year to be named executor for what little “estate” my mom had (which is a heavy burden in a normal circumstance), but the covid-related delay made handling her bank accounts A NIGHTMARE

During all this I was on a temporary work assignment embedded inside another company and forced to endure that organization’s fully abusive environment. I was berated daily and made to witness THE MOST EGREGIOUS racism, sexism, and transphobia I could imagine in a workplace (nothing anti-gay specifically but I’m an obvious dyke so I figure they just kept it behind my back). The HR manager was THE WORST ONE OF THEM ALL. I didn’t have it in me to fight an entire organization, despite witnessing blatantly illegal shit. My company ultimately had to just get me out

I got covid from one of the horrible work people who refused to wear a mask, came to work sick, tested positive for covid AND KEPT COMING TO WORK

A couple weeks back baby cat Beeps (who has never been outdoors) bolted and was lost for 3 days in rainy, 30°F weather before we got her back

The next weekend I had to take my younger sister to the hospital for rectal bleeding. Yikes. I was in the hospital with her for 3 days and they discharged her without a diagnosis. Kate & I brought her back to our place for the next week so we could take care of her

Basically it has been rough.

All this to explain, while we were in the ER waiting for my sister to be admitted I rewrote the lyrics to part of Personal Jesus to be about her situation; trying to distract her from the horrible pain she was in. Now I can’t get it out of my head as being sung this way:

🎵Your own🎵

🎵Personal🎵

🎵Toilet🎵

🎵Place where you say your prayers🎵

🎵Hope there’s no stairs🎵

🎵Feeling real sad🎵

🎵Cause your colon’s bad🎵

🎵Blood in the scat🎵

🎵There’s a problem with that🎵

🎵Frequent diarrhea🎵

🎵Let’s take you to the ER🎵

So this latest insult, to both me and Depeche Mode, is really uncalled for.

#and now i have to do my goddamned taxes #and my dead mom’s taxes #fuck #just venting my self-pity here #sorry #long post

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gospelhotspot · 2 months ago

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DCLM Daily Manna - Christ Paid The Price

DCLM Daily Manna 3 November 2024 Devotional By Pastor W. F. Kumuyi — Christ Paid The Price TOPIC: Christ Paid The Price (DCLM Daily Manna 3 November 2024) KEY VERSE: “And they sung a new song, saying, Thou art worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation” – Revelation…

#DCLM Daily Manna #Deeper Life Bible Church #Pastor Kumuyi #Pastor William Kumuyi

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libidomechanica · 6 months ago

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Has not brew a passions were speculation round

A rispetto sequence

A day let envy not kept, hath cheery; and either’s other an’ mother. When I though in the water a hollow knock of some on it a tear, as now the world was happy hair, ah, braid no more. Last night, which comes to Heav’n—his Eyelash dead and chase the scent all around there’s to thee speak of dark. Grows nice; reads verse, that overlooked in lilies a few, and be among.

Ay, in the green, especially when low hangs that same vnhappy day, thou shalt be—Nothing lope to a woman earth was in Bridal bed, from a sunrise mars the soul. To view things, those who fought, in such guise that need water shall unlock the Dusk an Angel with grief; thought I must coupled bee, so fresh-cut hair of chained by nights in bushes too precipitated to the coop.

Quite despair and dost not your scissors slice a blue weed-flower! Go not, happy still exuberantly budding, where not, contentment was in t, and hopest her object on woman but she was but to the cloud breath in the Glass of knights in every title says enough, soon from a tenement bare, to bait the sweet pharmaceutical sublimes whate’er to thee.

Rather held and slug and fears not outrun me. Tis past, no sonne now nighest ridge, when she called, that were his own: the woes for a nosegay! Yet what appeareth. All Work with your affair; true, just as eager or a constructed wrong; his song; and, gather nuttes to enjoyment I reap’d—I came, ere day tarnish over the disheuld blushes,—he did trip forbidden kind!

I’d say that Adam, call’d by friend, whatever sung. How does iron wedges drive, and all its broad-brimm’d hawker of Day, I watching shipwrecking rogue! They did the chink of the dawn. Have dread this march to exalt; nothing light in Truth’s sweet, but since then, there my extended me. I scorn of a distance. What, has had been of what no one knows, and always crowds itself ascribe.

Seeing humane to loved, that flag what has but small come, welcome, that influence’ is a little: Would you smiled, the duchess and the other, we will be wed or bore to the Road; but both love must takes places. This bound, who, one were the whole, to all the eye grows weariest way forget what’s one by one might knock of some vial; treasures, and maine, as if not pause, which haunt my dream?

Dreaming Foal of Heaven we all used to fill the distant climes, and hang my tardy name is Love speak their right to read the kind of life did go, and know you, and your hero, he glass, his blurred. Perfection, having water faucet and nuances spoken with hounds of thine, by the Saint—their birth to side: tis other lands to frame my father one dead let me why, sad or charged.

Would her part; but waited my wandring wynd. And I long room and over glowering him by a ghastlie Owle her a slave: blest beloued. Man’s knead, and we three yards boyes your fashion calls: it fear to my garden-side. No one had died, and put off from variation wrote what lovers dread the Face his own he lifted; but see her that dyes a marble flocks into the midnights.

Of child. Of all the footmarks, one more serious, just now I thought her side to new-found it! Indeed, when I thy shame. While I shotte. Down thousand blood; but if you can’t forget: the salt and pains, which to stir?—Oh Khalífah, hear her, in your regular shoes, none beloved face; in look as look’d grave in her held her braine again for als at home I haue I scale and just now.

Twenty years, since departing too cold faces going absurd. Every template and left our heart of dried her cheery; and for only ever be heart leaps in thy write of all the hand and someday to him that blowne away his were Creatures a roach; but that: disarming disregarde, they track’d their chins,—a daily new and sold my heart know her flown but thou to my wounded.

And know no defeat cause she saw that all the intertwisted wiping—oh Khalífah’s Supper push’d, she wish’d their end; each them, my only make my memory. You are thee thy summer’s for the start, look, hearken slowly twins emerged. Fight us, even thousand scarce to walk … if simple green nets blue eyes, and for thorn an oath the style, and ever star is the spot to daunce.

There is a fresh from off the old way of whose follows Paris changing in the mountains, and they breast, and a peace the judgment continues to reason: Thus girls give some little the villagers quickly find a term of what were those who likes a repertory of thee. Poor restless dreary. Yet often haue no care not fade nor snake, my Dian of Thee. The bunch of Thee.

Was begotten an open a poison why is easy task; for I was without then? Beside a springe giues place you call me from off to the dark thee with pornographs, I will love were do people must give the blue larkspur, without the king’s: ’ next, text our significant worth enjoy. I know how it ranckleth more of death, there must, let’s do that in a blatant land, with wine.

I loved, the baby clothes a wanton, like a fiend there you? Seeing all the crept silently his way. Can call it hard as Newcastle she passport which physician to me, and seen only to speak? Despite the eyes, that I have been but sings and answer, darnel and beheld together twist; as prompt in its green and somewhat may see sweet Society; a shadow pay?

To Homer’s corn has ears: sighs, and ranks quite such idle you mayst have had seen identified by the lang day I did, and the moon the sex will lovely boy, who upon my mind glowing: and when Salámán how soon enough the council call’d here is a greater, as I wont afore, and foes, the mought that the spot to their Vengeance and go. Words weren ouerwent with his eyes.

But him up. While I would men behold I fell a-weeping in the gods he clergy, whose Candle is the price, ask’d a Master, yet dewed with mutual flame-lit places if i could fall to Solitude, turn’d into my word to the dawn. Like to a second I fell Fire; to Grace put forth; their race; just the movies or on trains. Themselves to repeating much of us.

Doth fall in her e’e. Correct, that, democrat, autocrat—one who can penetrate has much wrong. When every alien pen hath nypt my rugged rynde, and snows, and alone with drops about they were: adieu good as she tree fell Fire; to Grace, too, I have here better me. Or Swiss Rousseau, cry Voila la Pervenche! Have done, the new roses proclaim his wind-tossed her ruin.

And am like Peacocks trayne, withouten dreams to the Road I was ripe; a soul from the little muddy pond which in that is it has, no belt and I desperate, which all its art, verse the sun’s way, hiding, one Glimpse her be. Will the flowers, and the blue sky will panted a heckle, an’ a’ should I lean over her senses in dark garden, till it doth Love speak: you then.

When she lies; I there; one thy plain and make the clear-cut face, and laugh for America and Noes, but never shake that bindeth the cries, without forth the French or Swiss Rousseau, cry Voila la Pervenche! In youth; the ground, a wave to woe. The news met on, engineer books to bait the king’s: ’ next, text our significant words that same, and vtter hap, and old, in truth with more they could.

Before what you think that were clears to-day prepared me: yet it fly! And is one, her patches, gay; on soft fires, mounts, an acid-yellow Cup, and a heap. Lower, thy bonds so oft here are to look at sea looking of care: which happie Thames, at love, ’—and with either Hand—not by thy face, Ioyes liuery well proportion, nor tame will find her conduct had but fair assistance of men.

And in her mouth the sun, o my soul from off their piety with the spongy cloud thou dost advantagenet. Come with a mystic seal, a cure for men of the nak’d sincerity: and which was hidden kind of might be forego, vnto the wind. But when the whole days long a share the grandfathers hands your men to be ashamed in the weathery ripe head to creature for.

Then let not make mistress still with drops about my flocke and before a kind view; remarked them not. Some quickly know somewhat straight thy lore would rather wept. I shall she loved her husband fractured as like a Shallop like a Bow, but yet fair assistance flings, it means a few grave! Like Rain, and kind, and a heart, consume me quickly appetite to played there, as you send, leaving?

When both seal’d itself I lye. I know, when art is to a treasures forget mine eyes have made the Cup, and dear, to drag it to grow complices, those ribbed wine-spilith that press her habit, nor blessed that were be seen identified by thy Justice; but cold. A things; the heele: for Winter sterne, and Sommer burnt vp quite despot king, however, never was left within it.

Two before her hand. A pockets of joy departed, does not fashioned arm toward Lambkins best help scribbling is certain of such fair my friend— and thence through; soon enough for me to ye, my License I smell, yet of rooﬁng and my loud crying to rather reason to determine: although thicke, adieu; and ’twill all be discuss’d her, and bring from wave to the pyre of thee.

Was they captive stay, whate’er it enough to sulk upon my heart to Him. And did you turn a young, and daughter. Your thrift, our due? There was buried once in the whole field that her in her an’ a’ the soft strange,—but true my heart and died, and I saw the flower the grandfathers hand labour’d it up with spire and doubled and fractured as obstinacy, both himself ascribe.

There is not, to fly—and London night. Second I felt and Days, where is a sadness dream. The wrong, and that were voices lower’d, sad or chance of Life best below her own, young with heauens still of moss so fair. Knock it to be kiss’d how roused, that kydst not see till he that old Potter this is nothing but such a sad and mingled at you open always petals, that live to climb.

Or, like to touch a rancorous rage, and Ioy, which there. Find threwe: but even the gods he knew his ankle? But System eats Profit when your plucks that he hath nypt my rude hoarse and ever knew the summer day! But to forbid! Who in the disregarde, the was in her doubt, but the boulders of touching comes to be wise Oxenstiern. Bought me, and hit me would I love I bought?

There is a living old world like saints? I’ll give you go, and sinless her sum of right, so the nigh, safe-smiling what I writes; and, by the great a curled up the mourn for the Welkin pitch beyond the one day may be filed a Key, that a lay me downy owl a part in a form, I see a faith an unshed the Golden seen. That gave thee the day will lay hold Time’s leisure white.

Roses first sight to me. For ever since libertee and all wear such a constancy, here while. Of chastely taming; those flame. An oyster may be, but till it that day’s Sev’n Thousand might, like the sun, o knights are going. Have brought draws up to find all to me, and dead, until I see a little Loue still to your memory clings like a primrose, and glory, being eyes.

Our compressed souls! Teaches had at historic monster, by what you milliards—it all that page; my Muse despair upon her exploits, for very faulty features, when dread out a Word of it. Will softer this same pond yoke.—By stirre vp winter, whether my life at strange in zero gravity. To beare coles of Pleasure, ere the cup before white heart thou have but in the gifts.

Not to be descend that undefinable. Tremble; in looks behind; for the summer burnt vp quite like him whose lovely, that reign. I thank you, that Ill may this wet Clay They did tipple wine from East to knows, blush it broke before, doubt the display: she, so sweet face calculation, is like one glasses: and I would gae mad, o whistle, an’ I’ll come may to a lord, a child!

It’s a kind love come in the sun is daily voice of that page; stranger: but when your glass, those strength of the Golden anniversal sound methods and how she’s priz’d, and carried when God fails, despite his clawe dooth wright. How does Love—who didst with that her sound, and all the evil death-moth be such heavy tufts of morning’s sunflower, and all be perhaps surprised to be embraced.

For help—for It rolls impotential. To your fancy was happiest of peers? In and which we seeking: and when ye come—so sure was sowne, was not advance again what were thou’t love of cheaper cures through to blame Kim Novak for your fashioned tide that Fountain-top does this wreck in the nak’d since should spoil his warden;—I will be perhaps that blurt out curt some quiescent clay!

But still, and then Remembrance of my anguish of the parents’ clan of Doctors’ Commons: but even glean the first to West, till help Then said they haue behote him Hate. Resolving, What Lamp had Destiny control were start, to ear, the moon does Love speak the real, for one; ten time that cruelly meek, your wineglass will she hand: in their light defy a crotchet critic’s rigour.

Especially after rising of careful house past who knows melt wi’ the Wise or tradesman’s son will finally find and Evil. As your hands hugely politics on her her should gae mad, o whistle, an’ I’ll come to have tries, diaper’d from the blue sky full of Life flies flew around, or stones I els would make us still with his progeny; for yet, my friends in blisse.

For oft the black pavement with grains gaily the sky will blamed,—and the little to this life is the Mansion. Let him whose eyes maybe it’s me i want to sleep or shall He that’s the signes of waiting in to the sort of rooﬁng and all bluely dash’d three or forbidden kind love must pipe of a great deep in mine eyes, having skies about its mothers, I’ve hears, it scarce seen.

Caught draws breast. In Flight: and then although everything only spirit for a while sleepeth not know his come, and noble,—conjugal, but your soothing everything is certain, then the due bound, luminous, gemlike, deare: adieu good olde shepheardes grow complaintive moan all had join’d into Gold he none. But if such pryde: als of my Purse tear, and Platonism, which was I live!

Attend time: heavenly calm, and you haste! The country bringeth forth a nakedness called Rescue Inc. A posy of new pride, or cheek, pass as the pyrus japonica should vice and full fifty yards are very beautiful dream could even glean the wauering Accuser also to beat again, my lad, tho’ father spied the laws of your soothe offender’st in woman.

Will not my flower came out and mile. Oh woe is much salt, of sands: striving tree, was ta’en, than in a fowling cold Lip to Lip it murmur’d— Gently, pray! Why, all do likes a listening skilfully, sudden silently sorry I ca’ at my head, and rare. Bud but a winter in the way the shepheards between syl-lables! So— But Fate of her their ray was ta’en, than the spheres.

Suddenly I saw that rings of thee: in others— it all—He knows—HE knows, as he rode at the melody; gone to him that some new convulsive rapture of the last year’s leases of life’s hackney ear. Green, she had puzzled alone could make nothing in the mazie thirst too long siege to be bore a second time’s long I sought thy worke eternal, nor ever name unnamed!

Thought, from her dead, with a broke, submits his first I care I, aristocrat—one who are wrong, her links of fame or profit when she love-freaks pass’d for his face: yts time and therefore the eye, thou no more attaches—but a winter commeth time. No more, in that we have prove faire disgraces gracefully divine strange barges, make all for carried up common—my lad, o whist.

And next to a fine cages foreigners excellently his wind-streaks passport which youth is found the rock or thorn she saw him go o’er the matter? Began to make more so, as her sombre cave, ere That endeavour from eastern end to scaled themselues O sweetly planned, I never yet— ah me! Up on its broad-brimm’d; and when thou break and loops, a goodly veil, which, for some question.

And a baby lookin’ to me so dearest, the mountain-top, i’ll wisdom? The Face of lope, without numbers more the Stars to their secret— cunning if anywhere perhaps that Sun and see me. To make a lanterns, him moving. Quick changed, indeed, roses are a collectors always seeking: and the brink of running room beside me is not your friends t is false fairest place.

It may, but forst by ways seeking: but of dried him on his mouth to me? I love the level mead on winds could wish to show me some false and water as he rapidity of that proved by this of my flesh were stars with all turn from passions, past weekends and though she drooping light. A lonely rich and therefore if any others in pleasure white lilies a few, and throw.

Pass as the laws of fame. Has flung, in my father up each other with moonlight soft hand, as men can be. If I saw a jutting snows, so trembling of my dear love, repeat think you wert made of four daunce forbidden mysteries, dearer because no more than the spring at it pricking a shadow of a kiss—thus to catch one of the faced their soul so kind, gave with Dust.

With a broke? Then thereof she cry? Murder nor self-love is in here somewhat the orange, then can I forget: the two ages. You have from the quartz in the woes new field: and if their eyes did themselves inseparable from my blood- dripping under the other old photography, with a fair and fond of better, every part; sweetest Things with gather has lately sent.

That it looks and rail, and dreaming to the Holy Three to the whole with pewter, bronze glow-worm bite thee weel, my only instrument of me. Sworn thee, and her Nest. Rosy is thy plain of Joy. I tell me, nor thy prophet’s ass began to the ground; for songs; for wanting set; I found the showers gathers in her poor though of pearl which be won, beauteous mone. Between syl-lables!

My love you. Were bright, art broke before can’t blame Kim Novak for want youth and daughter.—Think of the dawn. A wretched woman go? But just put down. Plagues, when of the fair weather’d. Or on train memory. Sick, sick weak as ye were borne, waiting in to the mountains rear their self-will’d, is a photography, with a long lives more the Two World, and therefore. Tho’ father say, alas!

All losses are comin’ to me; love slays me. All was spring shall I thee? But were he world equals the votive frigate, soft and darkly bright it’s gonna be alright in ribbands, and Clear Heart turn’d as, buried once would they talk awhile that is, whether girlond dight, condemn’d to set it may, a bard must give lifted the pyre of a checked impulse of Nature, both love.

Scream of moss, you see her flower turns the things plain and the world, and shott as far as just as fawns for the work away like the sky full stop its waving gaily throng, all the West, till then what is in her woman but twenty; for that has some Strip of Heav’n itself I lye. Of pantomime;—he danced;—all for a second time;—but still—the earliest know my hearts engages?

Their triumph on the Canterbury bells are light days of enforced to mend you will kisses, and before since cancel half so precious as the Reputations were still whether sense—a things end in—Yes—then gird them for the flying Hour or two before. And to have from the wrong done but of my flesh of our head besprent with velvet most; and got before, doubt to a lute.

Tis plain of golden sun from bought else, how to find out that’s the ball. Like leave their sweet disorder in such as might restrictly hent, and Jamshýd glory, form’d like an iron pole, hard a bushy brere, that, and in the day may be, such a Surplus as tho’ jokin’ to me, yet may be easier wreck, or dine. It’s gonna be alright defy a crotchet critic’s rigour.

And then young with these counsels trie; o giue my sunflower call’d the Privy, ’ lord the raw maternal home; twill all foreigners excellently ravelled among the snow upon a diet from great kinda like to the long-legged you. The world’s widen when I am, was, and since the earthquake’s ruin. High on their soul is fixt, but just strait of a kiss—thus governes mee.

Of a friends a sparkled through all her, in your weekend but rather can this one, into grown here to go alone in the Canterbury bells. Began to set in good enough certain sickly knock it to wounded. Lo the lass, and like a wanton and wretched the other lucklesse lusteth not new: then have lov’d three chains of roses proposing and already to come!

Into Bagdad came out; preserve when, flying from a looks our owne will choose to my own neighbors, going plain the boasts to sadder than for one day with teares the sun, and bitter the pumie stone jaw of Faith-preserve they rode, and sold my sunflower, much more spell. All the world were place. Towards do content, to drag it to range that the church receives: and his caitife he lover.

As tho’ that thou, poor breast could not by his ray. What a faux pas in the barren tender Green; but a Magic Shadow shall alegge this face a blush their sense, he clear-cut face calculation wrote what loving wretched race. On my dear love of course to leaue therefore which see Shakspeare’s everblooming garden-side, at random from the sad and light the sure which he forecast.

And wit, there, for for the Stars were stars bleede. While things spring spot when mine eyes began to see me freshened by their mere airy and great nature still her death a Double post, and see but from his life did they came a youth I wrote because those who yet remain with that many Knots unravel’d by the pine, not like a virgin daughter’s Shoulder of large, bright in Truth’s day-star?

Together we would reader, nothing—Oh, make arrangement seems both torments for history of yew-berries, the shy touch. She was as it weigh: she thorn your hands: while the best see, for each other’s row, each touching to the moon is past, no screen, she keeps catching that her womb the ill, that is to all my times since in the wet silence sends are night; I am quite to my too shorts.

At the world I blow: at once; the ground his heap, a hill of ruin, rose her cry, awake, my lad, o whistle, and thee me. How I wish the window he red man danced like to me when your time’s least light and slays with Beauty temple of humanity retired. Eternal, nor the black stage-lion of my soft the fragility, for love and dew upon the misery!

I never knew: and in the stake from thee, or the Hunter—the sweet Access a Salve to see and call the whites. Thus doth preserving sky. Descended, soon after seeing humanity may be near or as endless it signify a woman to love smitten, carrion Crowes had his little while the Hare upon her, whose sands o’ life is less brow chalcedony.

This your many a time drew to Troy the same. His Crown the world’s end. It was table, table- cloth an abstractions are two that pricking villagers. The chase the stood, no false praise me of thy mistress thy streamlet vapors are sad assurance all of moss, which leads so oft hand, for he of byrds by no more fat, by beating speech, you may haue behote him alive age and go.

Toward think the Daughter knit into flight. Before through green Chinese lantern, Child, to winter’s graced by the worlds of trespasse did her baby on its Circumference is think and moan the Garden grewe, bene with old Khayyám, and still preserve the memory of unkissed kisses, like the springe giue thy woes for to the Room they are thee still present I reap’d—I came, ere day not yield.

To dry they homeward turned backe, adieu; and where Lucy took the lasting earth the Hall, and monde a pair of child! Forth was summ’d in his moved from what cards? To leap large length of globed peonies need not: but neatly tangled and fatal work but love’s inmost subtle to hack and seeing his Bond: and heavily from the witching Picnic against things spring; with juries, fools!

I summon to hunt thee, that forbid. Why fret about the eye that color and the fresh petals, that way to fly, and night, eight the most degrade the wind! Up from his be other life. With Lady unto me! And stare, at night along. How does it heaven knows thee for good, an eastern winds could wish I could not onley shines, cloudy trophies hung. And for one who are not much.

And of miles apart. Bound for music striction; a bird’s-eye view you don’t know him as her own, young day, blushing well have close besides the cream from East to display for for to worke eternity. What way who in his own: for all thing; and, quite of sight you ask the talent in a scarlet cloak, I wish another than what the golden sun from his whisper’d, sad or charged.

Now will the Hands o’ life should all be cramped into mischiefs treasure those at leaps, and tune their gifts. Yet often she men. Nor doe we doubt but is always crowds its orbit in our fancy was rumour’d it to be dead; from the little Child, and the shepherd, and by some Celestial Sign; that you have led to the preuie marks the kind of Reuben? Youth and some please and stare Aghast.

Where day not your first came releeued. Still a’ the sole excuse is sleep is purpose, therefore he went, and slowly twins emerged. Past while shire, an infant plays. Said the Rose blows; and sinless those that shall price to the flower of those true one in him, here’s no one knows! For in this the sodain rysing or cooled; even by what I shall we little ones, and perform’d like as well.

Tiring open the Mother hut, the heard in this is no wrong, and heaven opend sense; or far; past which we left your preserve when the greene, let be: and, pitcht upon the place so soon; as yet does it seems both may after Silence from the bright of a thief. Richly clothes a wantonness: a lawn about, but twenty; for thy, my soul I’ll come again. The sea looking slight down.

I saw hypocrisy designed him or sink— I have place. ’ I’ll have found which crowned it innumerable to pass, forsooth—at preventeen, too, Beauty—Beauty being an empty Glass of the heart a Shepherd? Twas wont to a granite boulder: her her eyes have guessed thine and so strange case to wean Don Juan had been shepheards God had still aver the light of her full of it.

Until they won’t be a birth, and he rapid running sheaue, cockel for new. You would tell your slim, expressly foresaw thee faire, issuing, we shall difficult. To loves? Tragic life, I shall see where together my dearest, passion with every performance had told you something wave, death’s conquest admiring of snails, whilst I thy summer’s night of Kaikobád away, oh!

Knew that Adam, call’d The happy still will the first Desire, of such idle you didst makes above that He who flung ships, in ships, in branch the has but of the drill but follow the Nine. Twill not me; what would ease me. That matter tale of Mercy open’d into your eyes again unclenched things end in—Yes—the Minster-clock has just the fruits of moss, that blurt out of tune.

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 6 #135 texts #rispetto sequence

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turnupthevolumebelgium · 1 year ago

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WAKE-UP CALL

Daily noise that works faster than any stimulant.

22 August 2023

#turn up the volume blog #blur #wake up call #graham coxon

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richmond-rex · 1 year ago

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I've made similar observations before (like here and here) but I feel like Browne's essay is especially illogical in trying to present Elizabeth of York as a potential threat who Henry necessarily had to keep in the shadows whilst at the same time arguing she was used by him as a symbol and a 'trophy wife' (so which is which: kept in the dark or pushed into the limelight?). Like you pointed out, a queen's popularity bolstered a king's position in turn because queens were supposed to 'complement a king’s masculine qualities with perceived feminine virtues' leading to the ideal scenario where a 'medieval monarchy functioned best when it had both rulers'.

The ironic thing is that far from shunning his wife from a queen consort's traditional sphere of influence, he leaned into it, and seems to have presented them both as a sort of unit/duo: as Laynesmith observed, Elizabeth was 'most commonly at her husband's side [...] not only at such major feasts that they were together, but frequently for the reception of foreign ambassadors or papal legates' — Henry and Elizabeth jointly receiving Philip of Burgundy in Calais, for example, when Philip did not take his own wife to the meeting is often not given its proper weight.

And it was not only her bodily presence that was important to him: from the moment before their wedding when Henry commissioned their marriage bed where Elizabeth was the Virgin Mary to his Jesus Christ, to the family portrait where Elizabeth was the fair princess to his St George, to the very moment when Henry commissioned the double tomb mirroring their marriage bed, Elizabeth was presented left front and right as an integral part of his personal kingship. That's not even mentioning the incorporation of her family symbol of the white rose into the dynasty's iconography — something that, if Henry really thought threatened his supposed lack of right to the throne instead of bolstering it, he would simply not allude to.

It's like what you said, what is specially grating is the picking and choosing (having one's cake and eating it too). For example, although Browned does mention Elizabeth's inclusion at the stained-glass window at Greenwich chapel, and the fact that 'the saints above Elizabeth highlights her status as princess and queen of England' she does not mention that Henry's instructions specifically informed that his and Elizabeth's images should be at the centre, each holding the other's hands in a way that reminds me of the fidelity pledge symbol so often depicted in double tombs — a gesture that in the late medieval world was much more political than romantic as noted by Jessica Barker:

In tracing the sacramental and political layers of the performance of joined hands, Barker finds its appearance and behavior on tombs analogous to that of an attribute, that is, standing for the fidelity shared by the couple. In this way, the pairs of effigies who have joined their right hands visually enact the sacrament of marriage. Indeed, for Barker, the gesture on tombs both performs and reinforces that vow [...] The lengthy epitaph below the effigies of the latter, the masses to be sung daily by the friars, and images of the gesture culled from other media, all support Barker's suggestion that enjoined hands were shorthand for marital vows.

Henry and Elizabeth's marriage was so frequently alluded to not only as part of the dynasty's official royal iconography, it was also integrated into how Henry himself wished to be remembered and immortalised. I have never seen a king and queen portrayed in such a way in any other stained glass window at that time (which is why it's such a pity this window hasn't survived).

Browne did not have to say Elizabeth would be depicted as equal to her husband decades long after their passing. She was already given equal footing in much of the iconography of her husband's reign, and by the specific instructions of her husband even. This is why Browne's chapter felt so shallow and like such a frustrating waste of opportunity to say something about Elizabeth's queenship that is not a mere repetition of Francis Bacon's 17th century assessment of Henry VII or Strickland's sentimental, reductionist take on her life.

“Although (Elizabeth of York) was presented as the ultimate Tudor trophy wife, her position and popularity were potential threats to her husband’s authority.” - Lauren Rose Browne

*sigh*

When are we going to move past this dismissive, simplistic and frankly rather problematic image of Elizabeth of York? Derek Neal encapsulates what exactly is so troubling about it far better than I could, which I'm quoting below:

“The first Tudor consort is mainly remembered as a dynastic symbol, one element of an equation: York plus Tudor equals peace. In this interpretation, handed down to us by the Tudor chroniclers via Shakespeare, Elizabeth accomplished her most important work, if not without lifting a finger, merely by proffering a finger for a wedding ring.”

We need to stop defining Elizabeth of York by the basic purpose of her marriage and queenship and begin understanding her through the actual practice of her queenship.*

Because the fact of the matter is, Elizabeth of York was a tremendously successful queen. She was an able intercessor, an active administrator of her lands, and a patroness in her own right. We have evidence that Henry listened to her on matters that people often assume he acted alone or only through his mother's advice. She contributed culturally to the court, including festivities and building projects, and played an active and positive role in queenly diplomacy, including but not limited to her involvement in her sisters’ and children’s marriages, her correspondence with the Pope and foreign rulers, and receiving important ambassadors in her husband’s absence**. She may have some discreet influence in some appointments in the Crown Prince's household. In short, Elizabeth of York excelled in spheres of queenship that were both conventional and powerful, because the two could and did co-exist, because medieval queenship was inherently political and the lines between public and private were blurred to the point of non-existence for queens just as they were for kings. As we can clearly see, Elizabeth was not presented as a “trophy wife” any more than literally any queen consort before or after her; she was, in fact, an evidently active and influential queen who greatly inspired both her daughter and her daughter-in-law's queenships respectively.

Furthermore, Elizabeth of York’s position was not a "threat" to her husband. Not at all. As J.L. Laynesmith (whose reading of Elizabeth I don't agree with either) says, "Identification with Elizabeth of York's kin aided Henry VII in gaining an entire kingdom." The Croyland Chronicle, a contemporary source, likewise emphasizes her importance in cementing Henry VII's position: in Elizabeth "there could be found whatever appeared to be missing in the king's title elsewhere." Elizabeth of York's position, in fact, bolstered Henry VII's kingship, and this extended far beyond his marriage to her. We must remember that while Henry Tudor was Lancastrian in blood and allegiance, his fight for the throne was very much as a Yorkist claimant - specifically, a claimant for Edwardian Yorkists against Richard III's rule (The events of 1483 were a violent conflict within the Yorkist dynasty, not an external threat against the Yorkist dynasty). You could argue that Henry VII's road to the throne was, effectively, as Edward IV's symbolic heir rather than Henry VI's (who was quite irrelevent to the current conflict, tbh): Henry Tudor was the prospective husband of the Yorkist heiress and the 'avenger' of the dead Yorkist Princes. This was the widely recognized interpretation of contemporaries like Croyland and William Caxton*** and was also how he gained the majority of his new support which (without discounting his own initiative, actions and clear competence) were essential to both make him a credible threat and ultimately win Bosworth. He relied on several of her father's former councilors as well, ensuring a great deal of continuity between their reigns. In this context, Elizabeth of York's "position" as the Yorkist heiress, cemented by her formal proclamation as Duchess of York, was not a disadvantage to Henry VII but an indispensable advantage to him. Elizabeth herself was aware of this and played an important role in image politics for the new Tudor dynasty: "Her role as a daughter of the house of York was a major aspect of her identity. Whereas her mother and Margaret of Anjou had adopted emblems personal to them...Elizabeth of York used her father's white rose. Other Yorkist emblems such as the sun in splendour and the falcon and fetterlock were also used in Tudor iconography." As you can see, Elizabeth's contribution went far beyond merely standing at Henry's side with a wedding ring; she was actively involved in cementing the image of the Tudor dynasty in her own right, and was equally invested in doing so. In short: Elizabeth of York's "position" was not a threat to her husband’s rule; it was vital to her husband’s rule. In fact, her unique position was so important that, years later, post-contemporary Tudor depictions gave her a uniquely equal footing to her husband: for example, in the first pageant of the coronation procession for her granddaughter Elizabeth I, Elizabeth of York was depicted as "a stabilising and legitimising force of the dynasty, and, incredibly, as the equal to her husband" - as Lauren Rose Browne herself writes.

You cannot claim that Henry VII needed Elizabeth of York to bolster his kingship and also claim that he shunted her aside because her position was a threat to his kingship. You cannot claim that Henry VII used Elizabeth of York’s Yorkist heritage to his benefit but also claim that he tried to avoid any implication of her royal inheritance. Those are fundamentally contradictory and make very little sense. You're trying to have your cake and eat it too.

Even more baffling is the idea that Elizabeth of York's "popularity" would have somehow been a threat to her husband's authority. She and Henry lived in a world where queens were meant to embody "the feminine element necessary to legitimate sovereignty", to perform their role as Marian-like intercessors on behalf of their subjects, to engage in appropriate charity and almsgiving, and to provide "models of womanhood for the realms' female subjects"****. If Elizabeth of York was "popular" due to the reaction of crowds gathered to watch her coronation, or because of the gifts she was frequently given by her subjects, or because she was hailed as the "most gracious and best beloved Princesses in the world" after her death, her popularity means that Elizabeth was successful as queen and is an indication of how much her queenship supported and endorsed Henry VII's kingship. A popular queen benefitted the King, not the other way around.*****

(What's especially funny about this traditional interpretation is that the only actual way Elizabeth of York's position and popularity could potentially worry Henry and become a genuine "threat" to his authority is if Elizabeth herself was actively opposed to Henry and was using them against him to undermine his rule (for whatever hypothetical reason). Which would automatically indicate agency on her part and ALSO end up contradicting the "trophy wife" image. So....?)

Enough with the traditional patronizing dismissal of Elizabeth of York. Give her the credit she's due.

*What's particularly silly about hyper-focusing on the point/purpose of Elizabeth of York's marriage (a political alliance and dynastic unification) is that fundamentally, its purpose was ultimately no different from the vast majority of other English royal marriage since the Norman conquest (sans, say, her parents'). Most of them were politically arranged and/or politically motivated, just like Henry and Elizabeth's. It would be ridiculous to judge Isabella of France or Philippa of Hainault's lives and queenships solely based on how politically important their marriages were, right? They obviously had an impact apart from that and beyond that. What exactly is different about Elizabeth of York? Admittedly, her and Henry's situation wasn't exactly the same: he needed her as a potential bride to cement his position as a threat to Richard III and as a King of England; and an English princess becoming an English queen consort was unprecedented at that juncture. But ultimately, there's no reason for why Elizabeth of York's entire life and queenship should be defined and decided on the basis of how and why she married Henry VII. She lived for almost two decades after that. It's more than a little frustrating.

**From what I can make out, so much more evidence has luckily survived for Elizabeth of York's diplomatic activities compared to many of her predecessors, and with far more details. I would literally kill to get similarly detailed evidence for Elizabeth Woodville. So it's certainly strange when Elizabeth of York's role in diplomacy is not emphasized more when it comes to her queenship - especially because it is, ultimately, an expected element of queenship which queens were traditionally meant to excel at. My guess is that it's not highlighted as much because it actually gives Elizabeth agency, which historians often refuse to do.

***Edward IV definitely wasn't the first or only one to claim the red dragon (it was used for/used by many others, and some poets used it for Henry himself in the early 1460s). However, at that point in time in England specifically, it would have very much been Edward IV who was most commonly and universally associated with it; after all, he was the one who won the throne and ruled for more than two decades. Its association with Edward IV is also what would have been the most familiar to Caxton, who established himself in England only in the 1470s, and who was a supporter of Edward IV's family (aka: the Woodvilles) during that time. His support of Henry (who he did not know) during this time would have been through that context as well, rather than loyalty to Henry in his own right.

****Obviously, we can recognize how problematic such inherently gendered expectations are now, but contextualization is important.

*****Elizabeth of York's popularity as queen, at least in the beginning, may have been partly due to the fact that she was English princess who grew up in the public eye, was the daughter of a fairly well-liked king, and the fact that her marriage played a vital role in "uniting" the two rival dynasties. So her circumstances probably played a role in her popularity as well. But we shouldn't discount Elizabeth's own affability and charm, nor her evident generosity, nor the fact that however this popularity emerged, it was Elizabeth who maintained it, and it ultimately signified the success of Elizabeth's queenship and bolstered her husband's kingship.

Sources:

Lauren Rose Browne, "Elizabeth of York: Tudor Trophy Wife", "Tudor and Stuart Consorts: Power, Influence, and Dynasty

Derek Neal, "The Queen's Grace: English Queenship 1464-1503"

J.L. Laynesmith, "The Last Medieval Queens: English Queenship 1545-1503"

Retha M. Warnicke, "Elizabeth of York and her six daughters-in-law: Fashioning Tudor Queenship

#anyways lol #sorry i had to go off i waited for that chapter #for a whole year only for it to turn out #so frustratingly common place... shame #elizabeth of york #henry vii #historian: lauren rose browne

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